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everythingmp3 · 1 month

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𝕤𝕟𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕 ✧

adult!Van x fem!reader (smut)

when you return home for the summer and your parents tell you that a friend of theirs will be staying over for a while, you don´t think much of it. that is until you meet her and it becomes impossible to be around her without trying to get her attention.

minors dni. warnings: filth but no bottom/top dynamic (tit sucking, thigh riding, etc.)

author´s note: I missed her so here I am, back to pushing the adult Van agenda <3 I was in the mood for something fun flirty etc. so thats the vibe I went for, hope you like it!

after a stressful last few weeks of the semester, you were glad to finally be going back home to your parents place for the summer. when you called them a few days before coming back they briefly mentioned something about an old friend of theirs, Van, who´d be staying over for a week because she was in the area and they hadn´t seen each other in a while. you didn´t think twice about it, it was a regular occurance for them to have people over for a few days. your own plans mostly included sleeping in, relaxing in the garden, doing nothing for once, but that was only partly what was going to happen that first week of being home.

the day that Van arrived you’d been out for dinner with a friend from high school, so by the time you came home it had gotten late and you walked in on your parents and her standing in the kitchen, laughing, having a drink. the moment Van turned around and smiled at you, you thought what the fuck. it took you a moment to speak but you recovered, somewhat.

you introduced yourself to her and asked a few polite questions, but the whole time you were thinking why the fuck didn´t they tell me they were inviting a hot lesbian? couldn´t they have given me a warning?, but then you realized: of course your parents had no clue that you were into women that close to their age.

after a moment of chit-chat you excused yourself to go freshen up and collect your thoughts before joining them again out on the terrace to also have a drink and enjoy the sunset. sitting there listening to them talk, you immediately understood why they´d kept in touch with Van even after so many years: she was funny, a dry kind of humor that you enjoyed, she was charming, quick witted, easy to talk to, generally just great company. on top of that she was painfully alluring, her fiery long hair, the faint scars on her cheek, her dark blue eyes, that deep soft voice, it was all getting to you, after a while you were scared you were blushing, but you could´ve just blamed it on the alcohol.

the good thing was that any amount of enthusiasm you showed while talking to Van just registered as friendly to your parents, you were safe in that regard, they´d never have guessed that your interest went beyond the platonic kind.

at first you were unsure whether you were her type at all so you didn´t get your hopes up and tried to play it cool, but that night something happened that changed your mind.

they gave her the guest room next to yours, which meant that you two would share a bathroom. as you got undressed to shower you forgot to lock the door because you weren´t thinking about the fact that someone else was also going to use it, so as you stood there in your underwear the door opened and Van immediately excused herself, overly apologetic “oh fuck I´m so sorry”, but she hesitated just a moment too long before closing the door again; there was one brief second you caught of her gaze scanning your body in a way that made it crystal clear: the attraction was not one-sided. you grinned like an idiot for minutes after, the whole time you showered, thinking back to that flicker of want in her eyes as she took in the sight of you.

the next morning your choice of outfit was not coincidental. you skipped over the loose t-shirts in favor of a tight tank top, you also fussed with your hair longer than usual, you made a point to put lotion on your arms and legs, to wear a nice fragrance, and when you caught yourself doing all that you almost laughed to yourself, realizing that you were acting like you had a crush, but you didn´t mind, it felt good to be that into someone for once.

that morning your whole physicality changed because of Van´s presence in the room. the moment you were downstairs helping your parents with breakfast, while they told Van to just sit and wait, you started moving certain ways on purpose: you leaned over the counter when it wasn´t really necessary, you licked some juice off your fingers when you could have just used a towel, when it was time to eat you sat more upright than usual, you were very conscious of your expression, giving her a look while listening to her talk that was way more intense than the kind you´d haven given other guests.

Van´s poker face was good, but she noticed it, all of it, and she couldn´t believe it. at first she thought she might be imagining things but by the time you were done eating and leaned your head on your hands, looking over at her with your head tilted, all doe-eyed and sweet, she thought: oh no. she knows exactly what she´s doing.

the first few days of Van´s stay were during the weekend so your parents were off from work and used that time to show her around, to get dinner with her at their favorite restaurant, properly catching up while you were free to do whatever, but by Monday it would be just you and Van in the mornings and afternoons and you were nervous as hell.

Monday morning, you walked down, trying to figure out how to act casual, but when you saw her messing with the coffee machine all nervousness vanished as you found a way to open the conversation: offering to make her that coffee and breakfast. she gladly accepted, talking to you about college, about her store, about films you´d seen lately, watching you as you moved around the kitchen, serving her.

it felt natural, you had no trouble finding plenty of things to talk about and the conversation turned passionate quickly, since you both had strong opinions about pretty much everything that came up. as you both ate you asked her, “so, what I´m gathering is that I shouldn´t put on Netflix around you, hm?” she laughed, “well, you can do whatever you want, I won´t police you, but they don´t have the good stuff. so you´d be wasting your precious time” you leaned forward, eyeing her, amused by that way of putting it, “the good stuff? and what would that be?”, it took her about 0.5 seconds to start listing her favorite 80s and 90s classics, most of which you´d already seen, but you felt like messing with her so you said, “never heard of any of those.”, dead-pan, convincing. her jaw dropped, “what the fuck.. are you being serious??”, you didn´t move a muscle in your face, letting her believe it, taking in her dramatic reaction “okay, I think you need an intervention here”, you laughed then, “oh and you´d be the one doing that yeah?”, she nodded, “I mean you´re off from school I know but you have some serious homework to do here”, you nodded, “right. I´ll report back when I’m done with that list you just gave me. you can quiz me on it then”, she smiled “good idea, I might just do that”.

you kept talking for a few more minutes as you finished your drinks and put away the plates, but the interesting part was that neither of you dared to ask the other one about dating or romance at all, it was clear that you were both trying to figure the other one out without giving yourself away with questions like, “so, got a girlfriend?”. neither of you wanted to expose yourselves like that, so it stayed mysterious, certain glances, certain suggestive ways of puttings things, giving hints here and there. even though the words didn´t give it away, something was in the air, undeniably.

you offered her a ride because you were meeting your friend for coffee downtown and had recommended a few places for her to check out nearby, so she agreed, slightly nervous to be sitting that close to you.

usually she was the one driving people around, so it was a nice change, to have you do it for her, too nice she realized, as she kept staring at your hands on the wheel, your arms flexing, your legs pressed against the leather seat. you could tell, suppressing a smile as you felt her enjoying the view, when a few minutes passed and you could still feel her eyes on your side profile you applied some lip balm at a stop light, really taking your time with it, Van thinking jesus christ what is she doing to me as you pressed your lips together, slowly, really drawing the process out. the rest of the afternoon Van tried to forget about it as she walked around a few stores, talked to strangers, had lunch, but the entire time she kept replaying the things you´d said and done earlier, increasingly convinced you were just waiting for her to make a move, trying hard to remind herself it wasn´t a good idea at all to mess around with you under your parent´s roof.

that day was a particularly hot one, so at night, around 2 am you gave up on sleep and went out onto the balcony that connected your room and Van´s. you just sat there for a few minutes, staring up at the sky, enjoying the soft breeze, until you heard a door creaking and saw Van stepping out. once she saw you she said “oh, I´ll leave you be”, but before she could turn around you said “no, please, come sit!”, patting the empty space next to you on the bench. for a brief second she thought of saying no, knowing that she was getting herself into trouble, seeing you sitting there barely clothed, but she couldn´t do it, she gave in, nodding, sitting down next to you, consciously keeping her knee from touching yours.

“can´t sleep either, huh?” you asked, she shook her head “no, it´s still so fucking hot” running her hands through her hair, wiping some sweat off her forehead. she looked even more attractive to you then than during the day, something about seeing her in that more intimate light.

you agreed “yeah it is”, reaching for your glass of ice water on the table, holding it out to her,“here, have the rest”, she looked at you for a moment, realizing that you were daring her to agree to the casual intimacy of sharing a drink. she took the glass and downed what was left in it in one big gulp, sighing afterwards, “that´s better”, pressing the cold glass against her face for a moment, closing her eyes, soaking it up. you kept looking at her from the side, at her freckles that were very prominent during summer, her nose and cheeks that were a little red from the sun, barely a few inches from your own face. Van could tell you were staring and smiled to herself before setting down the glass and turning to look back at you, “you know, you´re really lucky your parents are so fucking oblivious”.

“what do you mean?” you asked, your grin giving away that you knew exactly what she meant. she shook her head, “well, you´re not very subtle, let´s put it that way”, she said, her eyes searching yours for a reaction, you shrugged, returning her gaze, “who said I was trying to be?”.

she kept looking at you, stunned by the sudden confession, “come on. you could be out there with a nice girl your age right now, why don´t you do that, hm?”, she meant it, she was puzzled by your stubborn pursuit, your almost absurd level of flirting, and you realized you had to make it clear to her: that you truly wanted her, that it wasn´t just a game or a fun way to pass the time for you.

so you shook off any shame that was left in you and leaned closer, placing your palm flat against her thigh, feeling her wince for a moment, her eyes wide, your voice low and quiet, your fingers lightly tracing her skin, a shudder down her spine, “why would I go out there, when I have someone I want right here?”. Van´s breath heavy at that point and you were cruel with it, running your hand up her thigh until she couldn´t take it anymore and grabbed your wrist to stop you. the moment she did that she saw your expression change in an instant, the impact of her touch immediately visible all over your face and it was done, she needed more of that, much more. a sudden clarity: I need to fuck this girl or I´ll go insane.

she let go of your hand, and reached for your face instead, pulling you in for a kiss, not gentle but hard, determined, the kind that says this is what you asked for, immediately more sexual than romantic, open mouthed, needy, frantically groping at each other within seconds, you pushing yourself up against her, almost climbing onto her lap. the desperation got sounds out of you that quickly became too loud to stay out in the open, you both realized it at the same time and pulled away, panting. “come to my room” you begged her “please”, she nodded, not in the position to deny you any of your wishes, still out of breath, so you pulled her up, leading her inside, closing the door behind you.

the second you turned around she was all over you again, any hesitation gone by that point, her hands on your lower back, pulling your shirt up, you doing the same to her, both of you tearing the other person´s top off, making out chest to chest for a moment, savoring the feeling, hands roaming, before it got too hot for any stitch of clothing to remain on your bodies.

Van often stayed somewhat dressed during hook ups, not loving the vulnerability of being totally exposed, but with you it felt different, she didn´t think twice, shorts and underwear quickly piled onto the other clothes on the floor, both of you taking in the sight of the other person for a second,“god you´re fucking beautiful..” Van marveled, as she stepped closer, making you back up onto the bed.

you laid down flat on your back as she climbed over you, leaning down, trapping you with her arms, seeing you smile up at her, visibly pleased by your successful move on her, a cocky grin spreading across her face that suited her, “you really were dying for this huh?” a teasing tone. Van clearly enjoyed the power she had over you, and you didn´t mind at all, letting her enjoy the feeling of having you at her mercy as she briefly traced your lips with her thumb, feeling you open your mouth for her, the tip of your tongue against her fingers, her eyes turned darker as she watched you turn all submissive and sweet for her, violently turned on by it, before you pulled her down to kiss her again, but Van had other plans. she gave you a few feverish kisses before moving down to your chest, her flat tongue running over one of your tits in broad strokes as she grabbed the other one, an audible “fuck..” from you as she started sucking on the sensitive skin, so eagerly that she was definitely gonna leave a mark or two but she didn´t care, it was too intoxicating, your soft skin between her lips, her tongue circling your nipple, you biting down on your lip to suppress moans that would be too loud, hands in her hair, messing it up as she hummed against your skin, leaving your chest glistening with her spit, so deeply into it that she couldn´t help but lightly bite down a few times, forcing a whimper out of you, practically claiming her territory with the red splotches that were blooming on your skin because of her.

after a while you couldn´t just lay there squirming under her anymore, you had to do something so you moved to switch, flipping her over and straddling her, kissing her neck as her hands settled on your waist, holding you in place. you were so desperate for her by that point hat you started grinding against her thigh, she could feel you slick against her skin but you were still holding back a little but she reassured you,“don´t be shy with me, I can handle it” moving her leg up a bit to add pressure, you were kissing again by then, moaning into her mouth as you moved on top of her, the friction creating a deep throbbing feeling at your core, a groan from her as she felt how soaked you were getting, spreading it all over her leg, but it wasn´t enough, you needed more, you wanted to really feel her, you were almost whining from it, all delirious with want, “what do you need, hm? tell me sweetie” she cooed, wanting you to get off,“can we-” you weren´t at a place to speak anymore, so you just showed her by getting yourself into position.

she could see what you were trying to do, helping you by adjusting her legs, making space, almost scared for a second that the sensation would overwhelm her and she was right: the moment you hooked your leg over hers and angled your hips in a way that made your cunts rub up against each other she whispered “oh fuck..” trying to remain somewhat calm but it was too intense, too good, the feeling of your wetness mixing with hers, the warmth of your core spreading into hers, the blurring of where yours ended and hers began, she had to work hard not to remain somewhat composed.

“good?” you inquired, seeing her nod as she let out a breathy “yeah, perfect” as you grabbed her leg and started adding movement to it, rocking against her, feeling her match the motion, a shared loud gasp as your clits met, a shared effort to stay at that exact angle, your hips moving faster then, both of your fingers digging into the other one´s leg to hold on, Van was trying hard not to fully lose her mind but the sensation of you grinding against her as she saw your face twisted in pleasure, your skin glistening in the dim light, the vague outline of the bruises that she´d left on your tits, your whole naked body hers to take in, it was all driving her insane with lust.

she realized that you´d had the exact right idea, after a long hot day it was the best thing, not to exhaust your jaws or arms but to just rub up against each other needily, a sensuality to it that made the whole thing feel like a dream, the room silent except for the the vulgar sound of your soaked lips moving against each other and your barely contained moans, “fuck just like that dont stop” you begged as you found just the right rhythm, your nails digging into her flesh, the kind of pain that just turned her on even more, she couldn´t deny herself the chance to see you unravel completely, so she took the order and added more force to her movement, your clit throbbing by that point, hers too, “you feel so fucking good” she praised “so good..”, breathless as both of you could feel your orgasms approaching, “fuck Van I´ll cum” you uttered, watching her pretty long hair falling down over her chest, you reached out to touch her as you pracitcally rubbed yourself raw against her, your whole body vibrating and hot by that point, and as she felt your fingers pressing into the flesh of her tits she knew she´d finish soon too, locking eyes with you, both of you sensing that the other person was very close to the edge, staring into each other´s soul´s as your pace became faster and your movements more erratic, the eye contact driving you wild, it was pure bliss, seeing the person you´d lusted after being overcome with pleasure because of you, a simultaneous deep shudder going through your bodies as you came against each other, your cunts clenching, your hips sore by that point, slowing down once you were truly finished, breathing a little steadier then, detangling your shaking legs.

you moved to lay down next to her, spent, sweating, but somehow still in heat, so you moved your hand down to her wetness after not having used your hands on her yet and she did the same immediately. you faced each other as you both slid your fingers over the other´s slick heat, drenched by that point, almost leaking down your thighs, savoring the proof of your fucking for a moment, a sudden wordless agreement: let´s cum again. you teased her clit, mirroring what she was doing to you, her hot breath against your face, closing the distance for a sloppy kiss, sighing as you made out and felt the other person´s hand quickly drawing out another orgasm, shoulder to shoulder as the second climax got a few final broken up moans out of you. the first high was more violent but the second was what you needed to feel truly satisfied, to calm down.

after a moment of letting yourself lay there, you put your hands on her stomach, placing your chin on top of them, smiling up at her all flushed and content, “was I really that obvious?” she cocked her head, slowly coming to her senses again“no, not at all. you were just blatantly eye fucking me across the dinner table. no big deal”, “I was admiring you”, you corrected, feigning innocence, batting your eyelashes at her, she nodded, “right sure, you tell yourself that”.

you propped yourself up on your elbow once you regained some strength, looking at her laying next to you, “the walls are super thin by the way, so they definitely heard us”, a serious tone, watching the utter shock in her expression for a moment before a grin spread across your face that gave away that you were just fucking with her. she playfully slapped your arm then, “okay very funny. you´re not the one who´d get your fucking ass kicked for this”, you laughed, gently brushing a strand of hair out of her face,“oh don´t worry, I´d protect you”, she nodded, her tone laced with irony “right, that´s very romantic of you, really”, but she cracked a smile too then, shaking her head “you really are something else..” reaching out to trace your outline with her index finger, “you were fucking playing with me these past few days, huh? that was torture”.

you smiled, eyeing her, “oh yeah? that bad?”, almost a hint of pride in your voice, she looked at you, clearly charmed, “trust me, “my friend´s daughter” is not my usual type. I wouldn´t be this reckless for just anyone”, you realized she was sort of calling irresistible, “I´ll take that as a compliment” you said, laying back down again, “please do”, she didn’t want it to be a secret, that something about you was special to her.

both of you just stared up at the ceiling for a moment, listening to the sound of the wind in the trees outside, the cicadas, the soundscape of the night, until you spoke up again, “when are you leaving again?”, you asked her, “um, Friday morning”, you contemplated that for a second, “you know what I think you should do?”, a conspirative tone, she was curious then, caressing your arm absentmindedly, “do tell”, you continued, “I think by the time you leave you should tell them that you really loved it here. like truly in every way, and that you would love to come back in a few weeks”, she laughed then, realizing you were already thinking of missing her and coming up with plans to reunite even though she was still there, “oh really? and you think I am so obsessed with you that I´d close my store and drive a whole day to come back here?”, you considered it, “well, if I do things right the next four days I think that will be the case yes”.

Van couldn´t lie, your confidence and relentless pursuit were a mix that already had her wrapped around your finger, she wouldn´t have admitted it in that moment but she´d already thought about it herself: the reasons she might find to come back again. it almost embarrassed her to think of, that she´d fantasized about that, since she knew it was kind of fucked up but it was also exhilirating, far beyond what her dating life usually entailed. she wouldn’t have admitted it in that moment though, she was gonna let you believe that you were the more intense one in the dynamic, at least for a while.

“let´s see about that” she said, a grin on her face.

“you know they´re gone at work all day tomorrow” you whispered, “yeah I know”, “so..” you added, she turned to you then, meeting your gaze, “so..” mimicking your tone, “you mean we won´t have to worry about any thin walls then, hm?”, you laughed, blushing, “exactly yes”, she pulled you closer, “well, let´s try to sleep then or we won´t have the energy for that. at least not me, I´m too old for all-nighters”.

you smiled, nodding, closing your eyes and leaning against her arm as you felt her fingers running through your hair, the air still warm enough for you two to just lay there on top of the covers like that for a while, finally at ease, after all the tension and exhaustion of the hot day had evaporated from your bodies at once, leaving you in a state of lazy bliss.

#van palmer x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #van palmer

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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AITA for snapping at my (18f) friend (19f) and then not talking to her again?

In middle school I met this girl who was in the same grade as me. We met because we were both friends with the same person, and slowly became friends as well. I wouldn't have called her my best friend though, she was just one of the people I hung out with at school (one of the few people, I struggled with having friends back then)

Flash forward to high school. The mutual friend moves away and just leaves us two. We're also in some of the same classes together, namely a digital media class we were in all four years of hs (we even sat beside each other all four years)

And well. her company was nice, but I wouldn't have called her a close friend. I never really told her many secrets, but I would be there for her in emotional support over her family being pretty shitty to her over and over again.

During our last two years, we both worked on the school yearbook (which was what you did in the last two years of that digital media class). I thought it was very enjoyable to work on it, and was extremely proud of the first one we produced, especially because the staff complimented it.

The second year (our senior year), however, was a little different. My friend started missing a lot of school because she was having stomach issues, and when she was at school she either spent more time roleplaying with her long-distance boyfriend (technically fiancé??? I didn't really understand their relationship, I was honestly very weary over it) over discord or half-assing the work she was supposed to be doing. In the end, she kinda stopped showing up to school, and I ended up taking over all the pages she meant to be doing, and changing the ones she did do because we changed up the scheming and her work was now very out of place.

Anyways, I'm wrapping up my senior year and the yearbook staff (which was me, two other students, my friend, and the digital media teacher) took a staff picture for the end of the yearbook. As usual, the friend isn't there. When we put the photo in and write down the yearbook credits, I ask my teacher if we should put the friend's name down since she was technically part of the group, and the teacher reveals to me that since she missed so many days she ended up being removed from the digital media class, which meant she wasn't on the yearbook staff anymore. I felt that was a bit of a rude move, but I also understood, so I left that decision alone.

Yearbooks then come out, and it took a while, but I guess my friend finally got her copy somehow, because she suddenly texts me in a fit of anger about not being in the yearbook staff section. She accuses me of not talking to my teacher about it (even tho I did) and going off on me about how I should have stuck up for her. She said a lot of other things too, but I long since deleted her contact, so I don't exactly remember.

What I do remember tho, was that I was pissed at her for making an assumption like that. I was also stressed as hell because at the time, my grandfather had just gotten diagnosed with lung cancer. The same cancer that killed my grandmother, his wife, when I was young. I remember that I replied to her telling that unlike her assumption, I tried to stick up for her, but I had to do what the teacher said. (She had been removed from the class anyways!) I also remember that I told her about my grandfather and being stressed about it, and that "now is not the time to do this". I wanted us to talk more about it later, after she calmed down and I got my head on straight.

It was the first time I snapped at her. She never replied to me. Eventually, I just decided to move on and deleted her contact. If she wants to get back in touch, she'll be able to. I know I probably should've checked in on her at some point, especially with her rocky home life, but I was honestly getting sick of her. Sure, we were there for each other emotionally, but I was starting to feel like all I was there for was to help her with her schoolwork and listen to her vent 24/7, which was slowly starting to make me more and more stressed.

It's been a little over a year since that happened, and I still hope she's doing alright and was able to move out at the very least. I was wondering if me snapping and choosing not to check in was an asshole move, considering the context.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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pommpuriinn · 4 months

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꧁༒☬𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪 𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓴𝓲𝓵𝓵☬༒꧂

SYNOPSIS ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ 𝐼𝓃 𝒶 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝓈𝑜 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝑒𝒶𝒸𝑒𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝒾𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝑜𝒻, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝒶 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝓊𝒹𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓃 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒’𝓈 𝒹𝑜𝑜𝓇𝓈.

STORY INCLUDES ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ horror aspects, character deaths, unhealthy relationships, smut

AUTHOR’S NOTE ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚this is my first actual story so be gentle on me. I really wanted to create a horror story of txt falling sickly in love with a siren like girl, hope you find it interesting

PAIRING ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ txtOT5 x oc

PROLOGUE

Mu Woods isn’t an innocent town nor is it a place full of crime either. It’s just a boring town with minimal history, people, and crime. The only special thing about the place is the teenagers’ drive to party on the weekends and causes a little noise to the town. They give color to Mu Woods which is usually grey. But recently the colors starts to bleed with the sudden shift in the air.

10:30pm, Saturday

It was a chilly night but that didn’t stop the loud booming bass coming from a two story house near the woods that surrounded Mu, which clearly got it’s name from. The poor house was packed with teenagers from all different grades even some who haven’t even entered the high school yet. It’s the middle of the school year everyone wanted the stress to sweat off their bodies from dancing, to drinking, and finally from lust.

That’s exactly what’s happening to Lee Jisu; the loving, innocent, girl next door Lee Jisu. Warm and sweet on the outside dirty and slutty on the inside. “Y-Yes! Don’t-mffp stop!” Jisu moaned, as a random senior was thrusting right into her swollen lips. “You’re one fucking dirty bitch.” The senior tighten his grip on Jisu’s makeshift ponytail. Doggystyle was Jisu’s favorite position since you didn’t have to see the person which means you can’t feel that bad about cheating. “I’ll make sure that piece of shit boyfriend knows exactly how much of slut you are after I cum into that pretty cunt.” He reached under Jisu and gave her pussy a good slap, earning a sweet moan. “Cum i-in me.” Jisu cried, as she lost balance with the rough thrusts burying her head into the pillow. Hearing Jisu moans boosted the senior’s ego even more. He pushed himself down onto her back and finishing himself deep inside her womp painting it with his cum. “Atta girl.” He groaned, pushing whatever he had left into her.

The two didn’t spend that much time together on the bed it was a ‘no strings attached’ type of thing for the two, plus miss sweet heart had a boyfriend downstairs starting to get curious of her disappearance. “Why are you with the kid anyway?” The senior questioned Jisu, as he watched her get dressed again. “Because he makes me look good.” Not giving good enough answer, but it didn’t bothered him. “To each their own I guess.” He shrugged, getting up from the messed up bed and making his way to the bedroom door before stopping. “Just call me whenever you want a real man to please you baby.” He winked and gave Jisu a spank on her ass before heading out first.

Jisu stopped by her boyfriend who was still talking and drinking with his little group. “Yeonjun~” she controlled her voice into a higher lighter tone one that really keeps the illusion going. “Darling!” He welcomed her with open arms and a bright smile. “I started getting worried for a second.” He wrapped his left arm around her shoulder holding her tight. Almost afraid of her leaving him again. “Sorry I was just not feeling well so I went into the bathroom and Hana came in with me. She was helping me, but then she started gossiping with me.” Just strings of lies were coming out of her mouth. Yeonjun just took it even though in the back of his head there was a bit of doubt.

Even though Jisu didn’t see it nor poor little Yeonjun there was someone lingering in the shadows that has seen Jisu’s two face ways, and wanted to help Yeonjun to set him free from his doubts. So let’s get the dead weight off his shoulders.

As the night continues and it was already the wee hours of the morning the party didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon, so Jisu decided to get some drinks for her and Yeonjun to keep it going. Jisu went into the kitchen where all the parents’ liquor was at, “are you fucking kidding me.” Jisu whined at the sight of empty bottles all over the expensive marble counter top. Just as she was going to quickly give up she felt her phone vibrated, it was a message.

dad!: there’s some more outside in the back

Jisu: I told u to stop texting me!

If you couldn’t figure it out miss girl next door is a pretty good liar and knows how to hide secrets with code names that people wouldn’t really question.

dad!: don’t you miss me? come on jisu leave the son of bitch for a second and come with me let’s have some real fun huh?

Jisu was getting bored by the second hearing Yeonjun and his friends told about shit that didn’t interest her.

Jisu: fine. but it’s that last time ok!

dad!: don’t worry it will be the last time I promise. meet me by the lake so no one sees us

Luckily Minyeon another person in Jisu’s clique showed up in perfect timing. “Minyeon! Just the person I wanted to see.” Jisu gave Minyeon a fake smile. “Oh, Jisu-ah there you are I was wondering where you were. You’re always hiding somewhere huh?” Minyeon was clueless and was genuinely dumb to Jisu which always worked in her favor. Someone who’s beautiful and has a similar taste like Jisu, but had nothing going on inside that pretty little head of hers. Jisu giggled, “no, but what I will do is get us some drinks. I’ll be back ok.” Minyeon didn’t ask no further questions just smiled and nodded like the empty obedient girl she is.

There wasn’t much people outside since was already getting even colder than before, plus all the action was inside. The path leading to the lake was also the infamous path into the woods. Jisu didn’t know if it was the coldness of the full moon night or the eerie feeling she was starting to get that was led her goosebumps up her arms. She pushed the feeling aside as she spotted the lake that was reflecting the moonlight. “Alright I’m here.” She called out. Jisu scanned the lake and around the trees trying to see if she saw anyone. “Chanwoo! Where are you?” Jisu was getting irritated. “I don’t have all nig-”

Her phone vibrated.

dad!: come deeper I have the perfect spot love

Jisu gave one finally look at the distant house that still had her boyfriend there waiting for her. She bit her lip having a mental battle of going or not, but ultimately making her decision to meet up with Chanwoo. Again the feeling was there but Jisu was already way too into it to back out, plus to be fair she hasn’t seen Chanwoo in a couple of weeks since last time he fingered her in the movie theaters after her dinner date with Yeonjun.

“Ok I’m here.” Jisu sighed, yet no Chanwoo in sight. “Stop fucking with me Chanwoo.” Jisu furrowed her brows. A little chuckled was heard causing Jisu whipped her head around. “It’s not funny anymore!” Jisu chest started rising more frantically. The little snaps from the branches breaking caught Jisu’s eye before finally seeing a shadow. “Stop fucking around and come out!” Jisu yelled at the person. What scared her the most is that the person stopped and turned to face her. Jisu’s eyes widen at the sight of the person wearing a bunny mask that was cover with black fur and nothing else. No eyes, no mouth, no expression.

“You’re a freak.” Jisu spat out venom. “You’re mad I’m not bending you over and fucking you like a bitch.” The distorted voice spoke to Jisu. Jisu payed close attention to all the details of the person like how they wore a silky white dress with arm warmers. “You’re probably just another whore Chanwoo fucks huh? Sorry.” Jisu spoke in a fake apologetic tone. The person stepped closer to Jisu causing Jisu to start panicking, but tried not to show it. “Actually, you can keep him well…at least a part of him.” Jisu confusion was instantly replaced with horror at the sight of Chanwoo’s decapitated head that the person was just holding it by his hair. Jisu was about to let out a scream of panic, but the mysterious killer dropped the head and quickly pushed Jisu against there body covering her mouth. “Shouldn’t have been going around opening your legs and actually appreciated your soon to be ex boyfriend, but don’t worry he’ll be in safe hands.” A evil giggled was let out, causing Jisu to still try to scream but was muffled by the hand.

“Here I’ll give you something to actually scream about.” A small knife was pulled from the garter that was hiding under the silky dress. They struck Jisu’s left side of her stomach quickly pulling it out and throwing her on the dirt floor. “Let’s play a game ok? You try to run as fast as you can, and I’ll try to catch you.” They kept on taunting Jisu.

Jisu still have some fight in her and actually got up while pressing down on her wound trying to run, but the pain was soon getting to her. “Come on Jisu. You got this.” She whispered to herself. Unfortunately, she only made it to the lake the house was barely in sight. “Ah, ah, ah~” the killer pulled Jisu towards the little dock the lake had. “I see you got pretty far, but not far enough.” They crushed any hope Jisu got. Once they reached the end of the dock Jisu plead, “why? Why are you doing this to me? And who are you?”

“Well since you ask I’ll tell you.” They held on to Jisu’s hair tightly making her whimper in pain. “I want someone that you don’t deserve, and to get what I want I have to take out the one thing in my way. You.” Maybe if Jisu begged enough this will stop. “Ok then you can have Yeonjun! He’s all yours I won’t say anything or do anything I swear.” Jisu tried to find their eyes, but it was impossible with the bunny mask covering. “Just let me go.” Tears started running down her face. “Before you go I’ll answer your second question.” The killer completely ignored Jisu’s pleas and started revealing themselves to her. With what little Jisu had left since she was currently bleeding out from the stabbing she focused on the killer’s movements. They dropped the mask on the dock floor making direct eye contact with Jisu. “Y-you’re beautiful.” Jisu mumbled at the sight of the girl who had long jet black hair with bangs just above her eyebrows, black cat liner with a few moles on her face; one below her lip on the left side, one under the corner of her left eye, and finally one on her cheek bone on the right side.

“Aw, thanks.” The girl cooed, evilly smiling. “At least your last words were kind.” Before Jisu could say anything else the girl slice Jisu’s throat with the same little knife, and threw her into the water. “Did they actually care about you Jisu.” She shook her at the thought of nobody coming out to look for her. “Maybe I did you a favor.” She proceed to take out a cigarette and a lighter from her small pocket of her garter, lighting the cigarette and blowing the smoke out as she watch Jisu’s lifeless body float covered in her blood.

#txt scenarios #txt imagines #soobin x reader #yeonjun x reader #beomgyu x reader #taehyun x reader #txt horror fanfic #txt fanfic #hueningkai x reader #txt scenario #txt x reader #txt x oc

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marie-swriting · 1 year

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Yeah, I Understand - Dean Winchester

Masterlist

Summary : Dean, your dad, has to come pick you up from the mall because you got caught stealing so now you two have to have a discussion regarding your behaviour.

Warnings : Y/N is 15, stealing, bad friends, feeling excluded, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see any and if I missed any warnings !

Word Count : 970

French version on Wattpad

French version on Tumblr

Prompt List : PL n°1, n°6 "Cut the crap and tell me what happened."

Sat on a chair, your leg is bouncing, worried about the moment your dad, Dean Winchester, will arrive. In your head, you’re thinking about all the scenarios. You try to guess the scolding he’ll give you, you try to prepare yourself to see the disappointment and the anger on his face.

You’re fidgeting with your hands when you hear the door open. Your father’s voice raises your anxiety. He’s talking with a security guard, apologising for the inconvenience caused by your impulsivity. When everything is cleared, he walks toward you. You try to smile innocently, but he doesn’t buy it and moves his head toward the exit, ordering you to leave with him. Dean being silent makes you even more stressed out. You tell yourself that, maybe, he’s just waiting to be in the Impala to scold you but that’s not the case. He doesn’t even turn on the radio. You know for sure you’re screwed. You were afraid of him yelling at you but his silence is even more troubling. When you arrive at the motel, you try to leave the car but he stops you by calling your name. You turn around, without looking at him. He sights before talking.

“I’m listening to you. What do you have to say to defend yourself ?”

“Hum, I swear it’s not as bad as it seems. It’s just a stupid story and I’m sure that-”

“Stealing in a shop is what you call a ‘stupid story’.” He interrompts you, fed up by your immaturity.

“It’s not like I've never hacked credit cards before.”

“Don’t change the subject ! What the hell got into your head to go and try to steal that t-shirt, Y/N ? Did you really need it ? You could have told me instead of stealing in the first store you came across.”

“It’s not that !” You scream before muttering “I didn’t even need that shirt, anyway.”

“Then, why did you steal it ?”

“Well, that’s why I said it was a stupid story, you know.” You say, trying to minimise your action. “Really, thinking back about it, I think-”

“Cut the crap and tell me what happened.” Dean exclaims, mad. “I want the truth, I’ve been more than patient !”

“After school, we went to the shopping centre.” You start to explain.

“Who is ‘we” ?”

“My friends from school and me. I finally have a group of friends. For the first time in my life so I followed them. At first, they weren’t stealing. Then, they started. I didn’t want to at first, I swear ! But they told me that I could take that shirt, that it wasn’t a big deal. They said nothing would happen.”

“Clearly, nothing happened ! And why weren’t your friends there with you when I got there ?”

“They left the shop before me and nothing happened, like they said. I was anxious about it, I have to admit. When I finally decided to leave, the alarm went off and-”

“Let me guess, your friends acted like they didn’t know you and left you alone ?”

“Yeah, we could say that.” You answer, ashamed.

“Do you even realise that because of your bullshit we had to stop our hunt with Sam ?”

“I know.”

“And for a stupid reason !”

“I know !” You exclaim, his scolding being too much for you. “And I’m sorry, dad. Really. I knew I shouldn’t have done that but I did it anyway. I… I wanted to be included in their group, okay ?” You admit, avoiding his gaze. “It’s the first time I really have a lot of friends. I usually don’t have any when I arrive in a new high school. If I’m lucky, I have one or two but never a whole group. I wanted them to think I was cool. I wanted to have a normal teenage life with lots of friends, even if we only stay here for a few weeks. I know it’s no excuse but it felt good to finally be admitted for once. You understand what I mean ?”

After your little speech, you put your hand on your head, tired of the situation.

“Yeah, I understand.” Dean says, making you turn your head toward his. “I really wish you didn’t have to grow up like that. Listen, Y/N, what you did today was stupid, but I get it. But that doesn’t change the fact you tried to steal something and you stopped our hunt.” he reminds you and you prepare yourself to hear your punishment. “I’ll act as if nothing happened if you promise me two things.”

“Which ones ?” You ask, shocked.

“First of all, you never steal again.”

“So I won’t help you anymore to hack credit cards ?” You question with a light smile.

“You know what I mean.” Dean retorts, rolling his eyes.

“What is the second promise ?”

“Stop hanging out with those kids. They’re not your friends. They made you do something stupid and they let you down at the first chance they got.”

“I promise you. Thanks dad, for being so understanding.”

You hug him to show him how grateful you feel. Dean kisses your head before taking a step back and clears his throat.

“Yeah, but don’t be too happy about it. You’ll still have to do the laundry.” He informs you before leaving the car.

“What ?!” You scream, following him. “But there’s at least one week's worth of clothes and all the washing machines are out of service ! I’ll have to do that by hand !”

“You want your original punishment ?”

“No.”

“Then, we agree. Come on. You got work to do.”

Dean laughs when he sees you rolling your eyes as a reaction to his order. Despite your discontent, you can’t help but feel lucky to have a dad listening to you.

Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

#winchester!reader #dean winchester x daughter!reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x daughter reader #supernatural #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #winchester!daughter #marie swriting in english

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mbti-notes · 22 days

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Anon wrote: Hi, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge here, your work is truly a gift in providing reliable reference to study MBTI. I need help with typing my personality. I am a 29 y.o female, I was diagnosed with anxiety and had depressive episodes. My guess is I am an Ni-dom, I relate more with Fi-Te axis so I’m considering INTJ, but also INFJ because I don’t fully believe I am a thinking type.

For Ni dom and Se inferior (for INTJ and INFJ): I seek explanation for patterns that I see like noticing if the traffic is emptier than usual during a public holiday, then thinking maybe it’s because people are celebrating at home, or people celebrated last night until late. Then such observation informs my future planning i.e. “last year, people celebrated at home so the traffic might be empty during that public holiday and we should schedule a day out”.

Ni-Se is shown in how I often live based on “how things should be”, like following a tested routine that would ideally save time and money but gives me stress and discomfort, and I didn’t allow myself to spend money required to side-step inconveniences that suddenly happen outside of that routine because it doesn’t feel right. I postpone going outside unless all the conditions are met, like leaving at the intended time, have learned the route, and have planned what to do there.

Te-aux and Fi tert (for INTJ): For important project, I want to ensure there is high probability of success by searching for evidence like when applying for scholarship, I searched resumes of past awardees to model a situation i.e. “If I have A, B and C happen, there are higher chances of getting the scholarship. I haven’t found evidence where someone had those three and didn’t get it”, then look what factors I’m lacking and where to get it. In a leadership position, I want everyone to be engaged in the project, but if someone is being irrational, I believe it’s best to go with what gives best outcome because people will come around once they see good result.

I relate to Fi because I use my past experience as a way to relate to others, like often saying “If I were you…” or “I would do that too” which could point toward Fi. Tert Fi also made me criticize myself, like if I have an episode of uncontrolled emotion or if I have made another friend hate me, I would just say “Well, that’s just who you are, a person who have difficulty controlling your anger and bad at socializing".

Past loop behaviour (Ni-Fi but could be Ni-Ti): In high school, I was in science olympics, met people smarter than me, and started to fail more often. I also admired a guy (maybe INTP) because his intelligence comes from genuine interest in knowledge. So I rationalized my failure was because I chased external goals and because I wasn’t genuine enough like the INTP guy, then blamed my parents for giving pressure to achieve things (faulty conclusion), and started hating people who are ambitious or who follow the rules. I was inspired by some of the athletes which made me missed pursuing something competitively, so I decided to be competent in my chosen field starting by having good grades.

Fe-aux and Ti tert (for INFJ): I don’t fully relate with INTJ because I laugh a lot and smile a lot in a large group conversation, especially if I feel the need to impress that group, which I don’t see in the INTJs I knew. When talking to people, I search for topics that would will make it a good conversation (things that will encite strong emotions in them, or talk about their goal, or my goal, it should be a balanced exchange). I often assume what people are thinking, like “This person seems happier when talking to person A than when with me, maybe because I dissociated too much before so our connection was not as strong”. When watching movies, I am often interested in the characters’ motives and how they make decisions, and how the world responds to such characters.

My Fe could be unhealthy because I judge people quickly in a negative direction without having the patience to keep a neutral position to investigate first. My interaction with people ended up making me feel annoyed often because I focused on the bad qualities in people, like people using MBTI superficially to feel superior or people hating for the sake of hating other groups (could be Ni-Ti). I hope I give clear enough details on the function, and thank you again for helping me with this typing

----------------------

The submission instructions state that you must respond to all the points in the guide for every function you are examining. It appears you haven't used the guide properly, so your description is lacking in detail. You have given me the info you believe is relevant rather than giving me specifically what I asked for. This means I can't do a full analysis. There's enough for me to conclude that INTJ is unlikely, but not enough to confidently confirm that INFJ is the correct type.

#typing #ask

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house-of-slayterr · 1 year

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A Dinner to Die For:

Tag: @iloveslasher @myers-meadow-selfship

Meadow’s POV:

My schedule was packed to the brim today. I had an early morning meeting with the school board over coffee. I had three classes to teach. And then I had to be home for Hannibal’s dinner party. I was sort of excited for it, Frances helped me pick out a fancy new dress that would knock his socks off.

Sure, maybe my focus should be on actually trying to impress his friends. But I am a woman with needs, and what this woman needs is to be roughly manhandled by her fiancé after teasing him all night. It was the perfect plan, truly. Hannibal was a strong man, but even he couldn’t resist such a simple tactic.

I flatted out my dress as I got out of the car, walking into the coffee shops to see my boss already seated.

“Ahhh, miss Meadow, early as always.”

“Early is on time, on time is late.” I laughed.

“And that’s exactly what I love about you as an employee. Please, sit, I’ve already ordered us some cinnamon cappuccinos.”

“Sound delicious.”

“So, I know you’re wondering why I had to meet with you today. I’ve, there’s no real easy way to approach this subject I guess.”

“Whatever you have to say to me sir, I will be civil as always. There’s no stress here.” I offered.

He seemed a bit high strung. More so than usual. I suppose it wouldn’t be easy it be the head of the board or directors at a university.

“Truly, it’s not a big deal, but you know how these things go.”

I nodded as the barista set our cups at the table, thanking her and handing her a tip as she left to serve someone else.

“A few of the female students have had some complaints?”

“Oh? I was not aware of this.”

“It’s seems, despite me thinking your attire is completely appropriate, they aren’t on the same page. It’s petty, high school nonsense, but they’ve had some complaints about their boyfriends not paying attention during your lectures because there too busy staring at your um…” he cleared his throat, trailing off the sentence.

“Oh, alright. I guess I’ll wear cardigans to class now.”

“Thanks, you know I never would have said anything if-“

“It’s ok Herb, you’re just doing your job. It’s not my fault I have a nice figure, but if it’s genuinely distracting to my students I will try my best to combat that.”

“We’ll that was the extent of business, sorry I set so much time aside for the meeting, you know how it is.”

“Yeah. It’s fine we can just relax and enjoy our coffee for a minuet. It’s peaceful. How are you doing, how are the kids?”

“Oh they’re kids.”

I laughed lightly.

“That and huh?”

“Lacy is suffering from ‘daddy’s girl’ syndrome and Blake doesn’t like it. But how am I meant to stay mad at this face? I hate making my wife the bad guy, but I just can’t do it!”

He showed me a picture of his daughter. She was positively adorable. I didn’t much care for kids, which is why I taught in college. But I could appreciate them for what they were.

“Yeah, I bet with those eyes she gets out of a lot.” I chuckled.

“Don’t you know it. She’s learned the dreaded ‘please’ coupled with the puppy dog eyes. I crack every time. But Blake’s been doing good, he’s starting middle school this year.”

“Is that so? Already! I swear he was just born yesterday.”

“Time flies I guess. Lacy starts kindergarten too, so my wife will have some time alone finally. I feel bad leaving her with the kids all day, but she gets to go out at night with her girls. So we compromise.”

“You have to appreciate a father who actually watches his children. Do you know how many of the male professors I’ve talked to during our monthly mixers that refer to watching their kids as ‘babysitting’? It’s appalling.”

Herb groaned.

“God I know! I could never disconnect myself form my family like that. They’re my everything, no matter how much of a pain in the ass they are. Oh, I’m vo graduations on your engagement by the way. You seem happy, if any deserves it it’s you.”

“Thank you. Honestly it’s so strange, I never really thought I’d be the Marrying type.”

“Have any ideas for the wedding yet?”

“Umm no, we’re taking our time with engagement. Who’s to say just because he put a ring on my finger we gotta get married next month, or even in the next year. I sort of like the title finance.”

Herb laughed lightly.

“I was the opposite. Me and Henrietta eloped, my mother was furious! But we’re thinking this year we’ll have a proper event. That way the kids can be involved in the ceremony when we renew our vows.”

“Oh gosh, that sounds wonderful!”

“You’re invited of course. You’re the best person on my pay roll, I would be honoured to have you there.”

“And I would be honoured to be there for you. You’re one of the best bosses I’ve ever had.”

“You can bring the fiancé.”

“Oh, umm I didn’t tell you did I?”

He shook his head.

“Two fiancés actually. Doctor Lecter and I are polyamorous. I’m afraid my dear Frances would have a fit if they weren’t invited as well. They keep asking to meet my work friends, would it still be ok if I had two plus ones?”

“Oh, gosh, of course. I would love to finally meet this Doctor of yours, and Frances sounds lovely. Consider them invited.”

“Thank Herb, I’m glad things are working out for the both of us. This meeting was nice, you know, other than discovering a bunch of 20 something are apparently getting turned on in my Entomology course.” I laughed.

He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

“Yeah, wasn’t exactly the type of thing I ever wanted to have to call a meeting about. I really do feel for all the nonsense all the women on my staff have to deal with. Please let me know if there’s anything I can ever actively do to combat stuff like this. Telling you to cover up just doesn’t feel right.”

“Will do boss. You’re one of the good ones Herb, remember that.”

I went to leave some money at the table to pay for my coffee but he stopped me.

“Please, it’s on me.”

I gave him a smile before sending a friendly wave to the barista that had served us. As I made it to the car, I pulled out my phone to check my messages. One from Frances.

Frances:

Don’t tell Hannibal yet, but I had a job interview today and I think it went really well.

Also, I hope your morning meeting went well, have a good day at work.

Also, Also, I can’t wait to see you tonight, or the look on Hannibal’s face ;)

I rolled my eyes at the last message. But I couldn’t help but smile down at my screen. I was used to them texting me everyday, but lately they’ve been more into it. It was sort of adorable, every morning I’d get some sort of good morning text. Around my lunch time, they would sneak little sticky notes into the lunched Hannibal packed that had some sort of corny joke on them. And a “drive safe <3” text when they knew I was about to drive home.

I think they grew bored with sitting around the house all day. After much convincing from both Hannibal and I, the finally agreed to take it easy. Take the time to fully recover from everything they’ve gone through. They hated to admit it, but there was still a lot of physical pain to heal from. And more importantly, mental. But they assured me sessions had been going well with Alana. And I could see the fruits of fruit hard work. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them this happy. Other than when they were on the stage.

Meadow:

My lips are sealed. Meeting went well, Herb wants to meet you. I’ll give more details when you tell me all about this mystery interview later.

I’m off to work, today we’ll be discussing the Giraffe Weevils! Did you know they have them on display in the San Fransisco zoo? Perhaps we can convince Hannibal to take us one day.

Have a good day Darling, I’ll be home soon <3

I didn’t usually like to send emoticons in my messages, but Frances had difficulty reading tone. And besides, it was nice to reciprocate their energy, it made everything feel more casual. They always said I should stop writing my texts as if they were emails. And I think now I understood what they meant. I waited another moment before starting my car, and heard the familiar ding of my phone.

Frances:

Zoo!!!!

I chuckled. Of course that was the only part of that conversation they focused on. I set my phone down and drive to work. I was annoyed with my class for sure. It was entirely embarrassing to be called to your bosses office over something so trivial. But life goes on.

Class went by without any particular problems. It was nice that everything was easy today. No mess, no emergencies, just normal people stuff. And now I got to go home and see my beautiful fiancé and my best friend. And eat dinner and drink wine and not have a single cafe in the world. The perfect end to a mediocre day.

Hannibal greeted me at the door with a swift kiss.

“How was your day my love?”

“Good, it was nice Hannibal. We now have a wedding to go to though.”

“Oh?” He asked, leading me to the kitchen were he was finishing up the feast for his dinner party.

“My boss, he wants to have a proper wedding this time with his kids involved. He invited the three of us.”

“Sounds lovely My Dear.”

He kissed my forehead as I made my way around the counter to sit on the seat. He’d always playfully glare at Frances when they would forgo proper etiquette and hoist themselves up onto the counter top. I would always laugh because it never took him long to drop his frown. I didn’t realise a small chuckle passed my lips.

“And what are you so happy about over there?” He asked.

Oh he was definitely in a good mood today. Hannibal had what I would describe as pleasant moods. Almost as if he detail time in his schedule to have a nice moment. They were careful and calculated, and while sometimes organic, they still felt meticulously planned. Like he only allowed himself to be happy for so long, before he returned to being neutral. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed those moments. But this was so much better, to be privy to Hannibal’s natural and blinding smile was something I thanked god for. It was special.

“Just thinking about how lucky I am to see this side of you. You have a gift for making me feel loved and warm.” I said.

“Well I would hope my soon to be wife felt loved by me. I would be miserable at my job if I couldn’t even do that.”

A joke. A rare tease from the mouth of a man who was so stoic and apathetic. I couldn’t stop a grin from taking over my features, and frankly I didn’t want to.

“Oh, so I’m a job to you now hmmm?” I teased.

He made his was across the kitchen, leaning over the counter.

“I don’t hear you complaining whenever I say yes ma’am. And your heart skips a beat and you get that pathetic little look of admiration in those pretty eyes of yours.”

I could feel his breath on my cheek now. And I was certain they were as red as an apple by now.

“Doctor Lecter! Our guest will be here any minute.” I scolded.

“I could always send them away.” He said smoothly.

I had to bite my tongue to strangle the noise bubbling in my throat. Just then the door bell rang.

“You’re unbelievable.” I laughed.

It wasn’t Frances, they have a key. And I couldn’t help but wonder why they weren’t home yet. I sighed, putting on a smile and opening the door for our first guest. Jack and Alana, both always on time.

“Welcome you guys, please come in.” I greeted.

“Whatever Hannibal is cooking smells lovely.” Alana complimented.

“Doesn’t it always?” Jack added.

I let out a short laugh, leading them to the dinning room. One by one our guest for the evening rolled in, but still no Frances. I frowned, checking my phone under the table. Hannibal gently squeezed my hand and whispered in my ear.

“Where is Frances, Darling?” He gently asked.

I sighed.

“I’m sure they be here soon.”

Frances POV:

I raked a forceful hand through my hair. I was pissed, no I was beyond pissed. The audacity of that man, inviting me to an interview under false pretences. And now I was going to be late to dinner. This was bad. I felt awful, Hannibal hated it when people were late. And I was never late to anything. I chuckled at the joke I usually told about even being early to my own birth.

I adjusted my suit jacket in the bathroom and cleaned myself up before heading to my car. I used to just walk everywhere but Hannibal insisted upon buying me the thing. He even got it custom painted in my favourite colour as a surprise. I smiled fondly at the memory. As I wrapped my fingers around the wheel I noticed the faintest hint of a bruise blooming on my knuckles. Shit. Hannibal would definitely notice that.

I drove as quickly as possible to the house, fixing my hair and collecting myself before going in. The soft murmur of voicing was surprisingly calming. At least everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. I quickly made my way to the head of the table to greet Hannibal and apologise for my absence. I didn’t want him to be upset with me.

“Je suis terriblement désolé d'être en retard, Mon Amour, le temps m'a échappé.”

I placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. I knew Hannibal wasn’t much for public displays of affection but it felt appropriate. And I’m as certain he’d think the same.

“Suis-je pardonné?”

I placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned in to give Meadow a kiss on her forehead as well as a silently apology for my tardiness. I noticed Hannibal’s eyes lingering on my hand and cursed under my breath. But quickly replaced a smile on my face. I swiftly moved to take my seat between Meadow and Will.

“Nous parlerons plus tard.” Hannibal offered.

“Of course, Darling.”

“You ok?” Will asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Just tried to get here as quick as I could.”

“I’m glad you could make it, Hannibal wouldn’t let us start without you.” Jack commented.

There was no malice in his words, just a playful dribble of banter. I sent him a small smile and rolled my eyes.

“We’ll please, don’t starve on my account.” I laughed.

The food Hannibal prepared was delicious as always. I didn’t realise how hungry I was until I took the first bite.

“So, Meadow, Hannibal tells me you’re a professor at the local university.” A man I’d never met before asked her.

I glanced over his appearance, it was clear he was trying to impress his host. But the smug look that never seemed to leave his face annoyed me. His body was tense, but not overly so. Like he was straining to make polite conversation.

“Oh, yes. I quite enjoy my job. I’m an Entomology professor.”

“Entomology?” He asked.

“They study bugs.” Will offered an answer.

“Wasn’t aware there was much to study there.” He commented flippantly.

My fork was firmly planted on my plate as I clenched my fists under the table and took a deep breath. How dare this stranger come into our house and be rude to my Meadow. But I had to remain civil, I’d already lost my cool once today. And being late didn’t put me in any favour with my beloved. I couldn’t mess this up, it was one dinner.

“Most scientific studies are actually quite impressive and require a great level of intellect, don’t you think?” I asked.

“I suppose so, I don’t believe we’ve been introduce yet. Frederick Chilton.” He offered.

“Frances.”

“Just Frances?” He challenged.

“Just Frances.”

Will gave a confused look from beside me. Probably thrown off by my unusual behaviour.

“I didn’t mean anything by my earlier statement Miss Meadow, I hope you take no offence. I was simply unaware of that branch of science.”

“It’s alright Mr. Chilton.” She shot me a warning look, “most people don’t put much thought into insects. They’re quite exquisite creatures, very important to our ecosystem.”

“I believe you.”

“Mosquitos cannot possibly be important.” Jack laughed.

“And that’s where you’re wrong Mr Crawford. They’re very important in the fertilisation of plants. Though I do suppose we could survive without them, no species relies solely on them for substance.”

“Like I said, not important.”

She laughed as his joke.

“I guess not.”

“Did you know the females only seek blood after they’ve laid their eggs? They require protein to recover.” I added to the conversation.

Meadow looked pleasantly surprised. I chuckled lightly.

“I do listen when you talk, Mon Coeur.”

“Are you from France?” Frederick asked.

I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Oui monsieur, I was moved to America by my previous dance company when I turned fifteen. Maintained my citizenship shortly after that. The United States immigration system is far more forgiving to children.”

“And what was that like?” Alana asked.

“What, moving?” I asked confused.

“No, living in France. Do you miss it?”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Sometimes. I don’t remember most of it, stages look the same everywhere, you know?”

“Perhaps I should take you back to France again someday.”

Hannibal spoke up for the first time in a long time that night. He was often content with just listening, a side effect of his job I guess. His words were soft and sincere, at least he was content to be mad at me all evening.

“I would enjoy that very much.” I smiled at him.

“You’ve been to France before right Hannibal?” Alana asked him.

“Yes, a few times now actually. It’s nice there, very quiet.”

He was right, it was quiet. But I couldn’t really bring myself to miss it. What did I have there? Nothing. No one. And quiet got boring. But here, I was never bored. I had friends, and a family. The best partners I could ever have asked for, and I wasn’t even looking. I’m the grand scheme of all the bullshit in my life, they were more than worth it. They made me whole, the way I never thought I could be. I didn’t notice a small tear escape and roll down my cheek.

“You alright Frances?” Will asked once more that evening.

“Huh?”

I quickly wiped the tear from my cheek.

“Yeah, I think I just need a moment. Excuse me.”

I pushed my chair out from under than me and quickly sauntered over to one of our guest rooms. I felt stupid for crying. I hated crying. It was the absolute worst feeling in the world. Even if they were mostly happy tears. So then, why did I feel so awful right now? I heard a gentle knock on the door and was surprised to see Will. He peaked his head in through the door and when he saw no hesitation from me he entered, closing the door behind him.

“What, Hannibal couldn’t even leave his own dinner party?” I joked.

But it didn’t seem to land as his frown deepened.

“I’m worried about you.” He said.

“Don’t be.”

“I’m serious Frances.” He sat beside me on the bed. “You’re my best friend, and you deserve to be happy.”

“And how many times have I said that same thing to you, Mon Ami?”

“Une fois de trop.” He laughed.

It was nice that he and Hannibal could understand me. Meadow didn’t know much French yet but she was learning, and it meant everything to me. She was so cute when she stumbled over her words, and got all flustered after. William placed his hand on mine, making me turn to look at him.

“I’m just-“ I sighed, “I just love them so much, and I know it’s stupid-“

“That’s not stupid.”

“I’ve never loved anybody before William. And I guess I’m scared. We don’t exactly have the most traditional relationship.”

“You hate traditions.” He pointed out.

I laughed softly. He always knew how to make me feel better.

“What happened to your hand?”

“Punched some dumb asshole.”

The look of shock on his face was something to savour. It was hilarious.

“I gotta tell Hannibal but I’m afraid he’ll be upset with me. I was already late, and I keep thinking, what if this is it? What if he realises I’m too much to deal with and leaves me. I mean, why wouldn’t he? He has Meadow and she’s perfect. God, she’s so fucking perfect Will!”

I exasperatedly threw my hands up and fell backwards onto the bed. I hadn’t expected him to start laughing. Why the hell was he laughing? I shot back up and looked at him bewildered.

“Frances I swear, sometimes you are the dumbest person I know.”

“Gee, thanks.” I deadpanned.

“They fucking love you, everyone can see it. The way Meadow’s face lights up every-time you walk into a room. The way she leans in with a smile when you’re talking. And Hannibal, he keeps your favourite flowers in his office because he knows you’re allergic, but they make him smile every-time he looks at them. And he has a photo of the three of you proudly displayed in his desk. It’s the only piece of personal decor in that clinical room.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Frances nobodies leaving you. You think after everything we’ve all been through, you punching some idiot is gonna be the straw that breaks the camels back?”

“I guess that does sound kinda silly.” I sighed. “And Hannibal’s therapy is wearing off on you, you’re starting to sound like him.” I joked, nudging his shoulder.

“Don’t ever say that again.”

I raised my hands in mock surrender.

“Now, I know Frederick is another dumb asshole, but you think you can go back out there and not punch him in the face?”

“I don’t know, will be a pretty difficult task.”

“You’ve never met a task you couldn’t accomplish.”

I smiled.

“What would I do without you Will?”

“Oh you’d definitely be a total disaster.” He grinned.

“You’re lucky I love you.” I squinted.

I head him softly mutter a “yeah I am.”

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly. At least I knew if nobody had my back, Will did. Well him and Winston, that dog was the cutest thing on the damn planet. Will was the last to leave, lingering to make sure I was ok. I walked him to the door and bid him goodnight.

“You better give Winston and the others some love for me or else.”

“You spoil them too much.”

I scoffed.

“Says Mr I keep treats in my coat pocket in case I come across a new stray. Goodnight William.”

“Goodnight Frances.”

I slowly shuffled into the kitchen, knowing I had to get this over with. Hannibal was busy scrubbing dishes while Meadow dried them.

“I’m sorry I was late.” I started.

“It’s ok, we were just a little worried about you. You didn’t send me a text or anything.” Meadow said.

“Yeah sorry, got a bit caught up.”

“So you said.”

Shit, he sounded angry. I hated when he was angry.

“What happened to your hand?”

Of course there was concern, but his approach wasn’t nearly as gentle as Will’s. I fidgeted with my hands, but looked up when I heard the sink turn off. They were both looking at me now and I felt like a little kid.

“Does it hurt?” Meadow asked softly, breaking the tension a little.

I shook my head no.

“Ummm, I was at that job interview I was telling you about earlier.” I started.

Hannibal raised a brow, having never heard it mentioned until now. And I felt bad for that too. But I wanted to surprise him, I wanted it to be a good surprise. And now it just wasn’t.

“Oh, yeah, how did that go?” Her tone was a bit more cheerful.

“I got the job.” I said.

“That’s great, Frances, I’m so proud of you.”

“That doesn’t explain my question.”

I frowned. I knew he was upset but I figured if I delivered the good news first he’d at least be happy.

“Turns out, the interview wasn’t really meant to be an interview and now I feel stupid.” I mumbled.

All hardness dropped from his face and Meadow looked concerned. She came over to me, silently asking for permission if she could touch me, which I gratefully gave to her. She gently grabbed my hand, running her hands over the bruise.

“I’m sorry.” She stated simply.

It was sincere, earnest, now fluff to distract from its meaning. Which was something I loved so much about her. She didn’t surround herself with filler words with worthless meaning. If Meadow said something, you couldn’t help but believe it.

“What happened?”

It was still angry, but not at me. Which eased my nerves a little. I just stood there staring at my feet. I didn’t know how to explain what happened. I should have realised something was up.

“Frances, please.” He said softly.

I finally looked up at him and he looked defeated. It made my heart break.

“Umm, yeah.” God I cringed.

I sounded so weak and disoriented when I was upset. It’s like every word I ever knew flew from my head to fast for me to catch them.

“I was really excited when I got the phone call saying they were interested. But a few questions into the interview I realised he wasn’t really interested in an interview. You know I’m really bad about telling when people are flirting with me.”

“The interview was flirting with you?” And there was that anger again.

“But I promise I shut it down right away. I kept trying to dodge him until the interview was over but he kept pushing. He tried to kiss me when I went to leave, and I just sorta froze again. But then he started saying something about me not getting the job unless I gave him what he wanted and I lost it. So I punched him, god I’m so sorry Hannibal.”

I watched him take a shaky breath and prepared for him to yell at me, squeezing Meadow’s hand, but it never came.

“That’s awful, I’m so sorry you had to experience that.” Meadow said kindly.

She pulled me in for a hug.

“Why would you be sorry, Love?”

Hannibal said in a shaky breath.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked more evenly.

“No. After I punched him he called me a bitch. But I um, I told him that what he did was assault. And I may have mentioned that my best friend was in the FBI. So I guess I may or may not be blacking mailing my boss. But yay, new job right!” I tried to put on a smile.

“Absolutely not.” Hannibal seethed. “You’re not going anywhere near that man ever again.”

“Hannibal-“ Meadow tried.

“I said no. Frances there are other jobs, if I ever made you feel pressured to start working again that was not my intention.” He said honestly.

“Not jobs that I want. Hannibal I really really want this job. And I think it will be good for me. I can handle some perverted asshole. If I turned down a job every time someone tried to touch me I’d never have a job again.” I said dismissively.

Not of his feelings of course, more of my own. He had every right to be upset about the situation. We were engaged, I love him and somebody made me feel worthless and gross.

“Then you’re not getting a job.” He said.

“Darling, just please listen to them ok. You can be a little headstrong sometimes.”

“He tried to kiss them Meadow, does that not matter to you?”

I flinched a little at his tone. It was hard to remind myself that he wasn’t actually angry with either of us.

“Of course it does! How could you ask me that?”

Fuck, this isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to start a fight. Maybe Will was wrong, maybe I shouldn’t be here. It was my fault they were arguing and I felt helpless against it.

“I want to go down there and kick this man where the sun doesn’t shine, but Frances is trying to talk to us. The least we can do is listen to their reasoning.”

He sighed and turned back to see me now shaking. The panic in his eyes didn’t make me feel any better. He took a step toward me, but I stepped back, hugging my arms around myself.

“Frances?” He tried.

“Please don’t fight because of me. I don’t want you to fight.” I said frantically.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice. Everything ok My Love, just breath for me alright?”

I nodded, taking a shaky deep breath. He waited for me to calm myself a little before stepping near me again. This time I didn’t move and he swiftly swept me into a bone crushing hug. He gentle caressed my head.

“Tell me about this job, yeah?” He asked softly.

“It’s a teaching position. I’ll be teaching a few different style of dance to children a couple days a week. And one adult class on Friday evenings.” I explained.

Meadow stayed back, just watching.

“And you’ll be happy doing this.”

“I really will.”

He sighed once more.

“Fine, but I’m dropping you off on your first day. I want to meet him.”

“No!” Meadow and I said in sync.

“Relax my loves, I’m not going to do anything. I just want him to know he can’t touch what’s mine.”

I giggled lightly at that. Meadow rolled her eyes.

“So jealous.” She teased playful.

“I’m not jealous Darling, that would mean I’m envious of something that man has, which is highly unlikely. Jealousy is beneath me.”

“You keep telling yourself that buddy.”

I gently tapped on his chest twice, and he raised a brow looking down at me.

“You two are going to be the death of me, you know that right?” He asked.

Meadow joined in on the hug, crushing me between them.

“Oh no, dying surrounded by love and adoration, I feel so sorry for you.”

Her sarcasm was contagious. Hannibal rolled his eyes.

“Do me a favour,” Hannibal started.

“Yes, anything.” I said, smiling up at him.

“Next time you feel like you have to punch something, call me. I don’t want you damaging that pretty skin of yours.” He said smoothly.

He placed a gentle kiss on my knuckle and I giggled once more.

“Always the gentleman.” I teased.

“Are you alright from earlier?” He asked, referring to dinner.

“Yeah, William and I had a good chat. He’s good people Hannibal, please don’t ruin him.”

“I’m not ruining anybody, Darling, at least not anyone who didn’t deserve it. William is my friend.”

Such a simple answer. But I could tell he meant it.

“Thank you.”

I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

“I don’t know about the two of you, but all this arguing made me tired.” Meadow grinned, before sprinting off to the bedroom.

I followed quickly after her, trying to beat her to the bed. It was chidlinsh, but maybe that what we needed at a time like this. By the time Hannibal made it to the room, the two of us were nearly in a pillow fight. He chuckled softly leaning against the door frame. He cleared his throat, gaining our attention.

“Oh, and Frances… if your boss ever so much as looks at you wrong again, we’re having him for dinner.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that.

An: This all takes place before they were ever married still. Also I picked one of my special interests for Meadow’s career so then I can write more accurately about it. Can’t get in the mindset of a super smart college professor if you don’t know anything about the subject they’re supposed to be an expert in.

#Hannibal spouses #Hannibal #hannibal imagine #Hannibal x oc #Hannibal x reader #Hannibal lecter #meadow lecter #Frances lecter #alana bloom #Freddie Lounds #frederick chilton

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koheletgirl · 2 years

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i was tagged by @planteria ty!! <3

S: fav tropes, actively seek out, will almost always read unless done too horribly (bad writing/characterization)

A: love it but won't always read/look for. really just side stuff thrown into what i usually love. if it's not written that well, i probably won't read either

B: generally enjoy if thrown in but not important, don't look for and don't read too often, but if i see it i might check it out if it sounds good enough

C: not a fan, but if it's in a fic that looks good, it won't turn me away too fast

D: if this is in a fic, i guarantee i'm not reading it. even if it has some S tier tropes of mine

id and explanations under the cut!

tagging @quenchiestzukka @zukkaoru @zukkas @that-was-anticlimactic and @dykevirgo

[image id: S tier tropes: angst, canon divergence, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, humor, in vino veritas (drunken confession), first kiss, mis-communication, mutual pining, slow burn / A tier tropes: sharing a bed, coffee shop au, fake relationship, fluff, hurt comfort, huddle for warmth, pwp, time loop, crack fic, amnesia fic / B tier tropes: established relationship, fix it fic, gen fic, high school au, magic au, missing scenes, college au / C tier tropes: unrequited love, unhappy ending, arranged marriage, soulmate au, baby fic, body swap, major character death, historical au, love triangle, fairytale au, pregnancy fic, royalty au / D tier tropes: ABO, bang or die, dark fic, cross-over, sex pollen. / end id]

alright so the thing is. i’m a sucker for getting together fics. which is why i dont love established relationships, i just need to see all the action as it happens. i have both angst and humor listed under S tier because when either of them is done right i literally cant get enough. but also bc i need fics for different moods. crack fics are very hard to get right, but when they are good they are Great imo. and like sometimes i just need to see my silly blorbos in silly situations. coffee shop au is A tier and ngl that’s probably because i read A Lot of zukka. and tbh i havent read a time loop fic but if you know one pls tell me! the concept is just so appealing. pwp is there bc i like it better when there’s a plot but yk. sometimes you gotta. amnesia fic is listed there bc im a dramatic bitch and also like. well. theres this one amnesia fic that changed my life idk if youve heard of it

so i dont love high school aus bc i guess im just not that interested in high schooler’s lives anymore lmao. college aus are fine but theyre not my favorite, also they stress me out bc they remind me of. college. missing scenes and fix its are not listed higher bc i feel like you need to be Really Good to get them right and most of the times there are no missing scenes and the thing doesnt need to be fixed.

my c tiers include tropes that i highly highly dislike, but they don’t make me cringe or actively repulse me lol. either that or i just dont read them because theyre sad and im weak.

ty jen this has been so much fun!! <3

#tag game #jen tag

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sumeragi-hokuto · 2 years

Note

I fully understand if it’s impossible but do you plan on finishing this project?

Hi to you and everyone else still following this blog. It's probably been what, almost two years since I last posted anything?

Short answer: probably not, though I want to.

Long answer: So a lot happened. I got my laptop back after the water damage and everything was wiped. Everything. Not just TB. I DID have some backups of the raws for volume 5, but I lost the rest of the completed pages that I'd been working on which put me back several weeks. Combine that with the stress of starting a new semester of college with a broken laptop, in a new place, with COVID messing everything up... I basically lost all motivation to keep working on TB. Time passed and I got more and more guilty about not posting, so I told myself that I would just work in larger batches that meant when I did post, I could post a ton in order to make up for all the time when I did not. Of course, that started to stress me out too, and so all it meant was that I kept delaying everything even more because the idea of doing MORE than usual after being gone so long was so daunting I couldn't bring myself to make the first step. Time passed. I got a job and was doing both school and work, which took a lot of time, and ended up committed to a group that took 9 hours per week minimum. The semester went by, and the next, and then was my final semester and my thesis. Keep everything from before and add in *that* time commitment...

By the time I was ready to get back to TB, I'd graduated. And my school pulled my Photoshop license basically the second my diploma was in hand. Buying Photshop will take me $22-35 a month, and Adobe is so weird with their commitments and forcing you to keep it for a long time or putting a cancelation fee on you that I keep worrying I'll miss something in the fine print and end up having to pay way more than anticipated. So basically, trying to get Photoshop back would cost a lot of money that I don't exactly want to pay given how long I think it'll take me to do these scans. It's just me working on this. There is no one else. I have a lot of things I want to do in my life, and paying for another year or two of Photoshop will put me out a few hundred bucks that I would like to put in savings. I guess I could really buckle down and try to get huge chunks done at once, but I need some other life things to calm down a bit.

If this seems like excuses excuses...yeah. pretty much. I have a million excuses and none of them are great. I loved this project and it brought me a lot of joy, but now I've come to a financial decision that has kept me from coming back to this.

That and the other big thing, which was the idea of "Oh. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this." Because while I may not be earning any money by doing this, I'm also not paying anything to do this. The profits aren't going to CLAMP or anyone official. People are reading their material without them earning a single penny. And sure, I read every CLAMP manga I've ever read on unofficial online sites before buying them myself (so, I read without paying before I fell so in love that I did). But should I be doing this? What happens if CLAMP or whoever owns the licensing does a crackdown one day?

I'm already so far in it probably doesn't matter. I'm not going to go delete everything I've ever posted. So why not just finish what I started?

I think it comes down to shoving down the guilt of the absence and the worry of whether I should or shouldn't be doing this and figuring out financially (and time-wise) if it's truly worth it. Like I said, I loved this project. I love TB. I have a ton of fun making the pages. But it takes a lot. It will take more from me now than it ever has with the added financial burden and the fact that I have way more commitments than I did when I started (which was, I think, actually in high school. And here I am now with a college degree and a real world job).

So that's the long answer: Will I finish this? I don't know. I really want to. I just need to figure out a way to make it work. That'll require some shuffling on my part. Some figuring stuff out. Some weighing my options. I can't say yes because I don't want to promise something and not give it, which has historically been what I've done when promising more frequent updates that never increased in frequency.

So to both you and the few other people who've messaged me in this long gap, or to the ones who said such nice things when I first mentioned my broken laptop and losing everything and all the kind of sucky stuff that happened nearly 2 years ago now...Thank you for caring. It does mean a lot. It's really nice to know that people actually appreciated the effort I put in, and that they're still thinking about me (or at least, about what I can do for them). I've never stopped thinking about this blog. I used Photoshop for my thesis and every time I opened it I told myself, "maybe next time I open this will be for TB." It even was. I think I did one more set at some point, never posted because of that thing I mentioned about feeling guilty and wanting to make a mega post.

With that I'll finish off for now. Apologies for the giant blob of text. I don't feel like proofreading this right now. I still have stuff I need to get done today. Real life calls. I hope that one day I will be able to get back to this. I'm just not sure when, or if it's even feasible.

Thank you,

Mariyekos.

#not a set #ah.

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ajatheart · 8 months

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Here comes that funny feeling again

Oh boy... I have my first day of college classes tomorrow, and it seems like everyone has made friends already in the first 48 hours. Im quite the anti social person, I enjoy being alone and I don't mind being alone either. However, it would be nice to eat at the dining hall with someone sometimes. I am also very quiet and introverted in general, and it also doesn't help that I go to a very white dominated school, so I feel like sometimes I stand out. Also, I kid you not everyone wears the same thing, it's quite terrifying. I also feel like I have forgotten how to even make friends and in general talk to people because of how lonely I've been and just have stayed away from talking to anyone. I think joining clubs will definitely help me, but I am just always so anxious when it comes to coming out of my comfort zone, I usually end up talking myself out of things and staying in my safe bubble. I care too much what people think of me. But no one also seems open to meeting me or talking to me except for these 2 sweet Indian girls who are really nice. I also don't know if i'm intimidating looking, I try to look friendly but I don't smile a lot. My roomate too seems anti social I guess, or maybe just thinks I'm weird. She talks to everyone else and even went pout with everyone on my floor, doesn't say much to me. I try to put in some effort but I have trouble holding a conversation. She's a little strange though, and quite messy. I feel like we could get a long if we tried a bit harder, but I just have so much trouble and she doesn't really seems to want to connect. Anyways I just needed to rant. I don't know if I'm going to like this college very much. Might try and transfer if things don't work out this year. It's very hard being in a PWI school, I've been in one all of high school, and felt like an outsider and I don't want to feel like that again all the time. But again, here I am and it's only been 2 days I am quite the dramatic person. I also really miss my animals, and my bed. My bed especially ! well if you got this far, thanks for reading my rant, it's a great stress reliever for me tbh.

#college #anti social #anxitey #making friends

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bubsub69 · 11 months

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Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

#diary

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spauldingsimonson · 1 year

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What is it about this about that after all these years... It’s almost a decade since we had a “thing”, yet here I am...

There was this boy I met before I left high school. It was prom night and a mutual friend brought him into our hotel room so we could be teenagers and drink after prom and be cool. That small hangout has made us friends. Until one time, I was surprised he just started talking to me more and opening up. Like how jealous his girlfriend can be to how a year later, his stress with not getting into the college he wanted. This was the time I had a feeling he’s starting to like me. Or maybe he already liked me then, and I was just oblivious.

It was when he was more flirty and eventually asked me out while he was having more problems with his girlfriend and more sure of breaking up with her when I have officially let myself acknowledge what was happening. I never saw him as the type I would see on the romantic side. Boys were starting to finally notice me and most of them, or maybe all of them have started flirty. Nobody started like friends like we did. There were lots of time in college he would invite me to parties from his school, or clubs, or anything for the two of us to hang out. I was scared and didn’t know what to do. I haven’t thought of him as a serious prospect even if we talk a lot and loved that he can level to my thoughts and craziness. He made me feel cool to be myself. I was so used to boys thinking I had to be more simple, less loud and girly. Yet I had a feeling these are things he liked about me.

After continuously hiding and finding reasons not to hang out with him, we talked less and got a girlfriend. When he did, I broke down. Did I just waste a great guy? He finally moved on from me and found a girl way richer than me, cooler, and smarter. She was talented, too. It absolutely didn’t help that she was taller, pretty, well-traveled and successful even if she is younger than me. I wouldn’t say she’s prettier because I know I’m way prettier, but still... I haven’t cried and reminisced for a boy and all our moments and messages until that happened. My friends were shocked about to see how I uncharacteristically cried to the point of a surprised public breakdown for my 2-3 guy classmates to witness in public. I was with my best friend then and she told me that people were staring and felt bad for me. I didn’t need that pity. I was pathetic and already pitied myself. The pity of the public, my classmates, and my friends were just more pain added to all the pain I felt inside. My ex best friend also told me how she already had a feeling about what was happening when we were still in high school and I was oblivious and was shocked to know that she said we worked, he was great for me, and that she was rooting for us. I reached rock bottom probably when I messaged him telling him that I missed him. It wasn’t the most direct and I don’t remember the whole deal now. All I remember is that it was short, he was fortunately not getting how I was feeling (I hope) and I think I just embarrassed myself. During these months or probably a year or two, all I kept thinking about is why was I never as kind as he was to me? Why can’t I just hang out for once? Or why can’t I just casually tell him l loved him whenever he did. I can easily say it to my friends, why can’t I with him?

The more years they lasted, the more trips and obvious reasons how in love they are, the more I just give up on the idea of us and add more misery to my already spiralling college life. When I finally had enough, I cleaned my room on the last day of the year as usual, throwing out things I didn’t need, I figured to throw out my misery and patheticness over a boy who was obviously not thinking about me anymore. I decided to message him happy holidays and a happy new year as my last message and start the last night of the year free and moving on. He replied quick during the afternoon and was more flirty than he had ever been. I can only guess it’s because he and the girl broke up and not because he was still into me. I hated the feeling then, and the more that I hate it now. It’s like I was slowly moving on and he was slowly becoming less of a sweetheart than he was... It didn’t help that on the first party of the new year that I came to, he was there. In the entrance. Shouting my name. I was pretending I couldn’t hear him over the speakers and casually just went ahead to the bar. Yet, my friends (who are big fans of him) were there, stopped and started calling me as well that he was there. I had no choice but to acknowledge him. I’ve almost moved on and decided to move on and this shit happens. He always pops up. This happened only once, yet he still pops up on my mind until now. Anyways, that night turned out to be the disaster that stopped whatever little communication we had. I pretended to be with a guy who generously agreed. He stopped the act when he saw that he would just hang out at the end of our table and fake boyfriend told me “I can’t do it when he’s looking at you very obviously in love.” The stupidity in me was a little satisfied but the rational me was just not having it anymore. He was just sad over his break up probably. He doesn’t like me anymore and is OBVIOUSLY not in love with me. This was painfully confirmed when he decided to kiss me in front of his friends. What the fuck was that? I was obviously trying to avoid him all night, and after hiding from the bathroom, he would just be there waiting on the dance floor waiting to kiss me so his friends could see? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? I tried to be nice and redeem his embarrassment by talking to him casually before his group left. I even stupidly acted drunk when I “drunk” texted him and he didn’t reply.

That was when I finally woke up and decided that was the last straw. Shame aside, no one would watch his messages if he messaged me saying sorry or whatever. I didn’t need the perfect reply. He didn’t even need to apologize. He could just pretend nothing happened and asked if I got home alright, and yet he didn’t. Every time I miss him, that night stops me. It didn’t stop me when I messaged during my lowest during the pandemic where he was diving. Or pretending I was in the same resort as him when he was in the same island as me. I just needed to know if he still liked me. Or there was a small chance he was thinking about me or willingness to message me. He didn’t. Went to rock bottom again by CRYING after 3 or 4 years since that night about him, forgetting his disinterest, unwillingness, and made an anonymous instagram full of screenshots of patheticness and lyrics of heartbrokenness.

After I wrote about my previous post, I told one of my best friends and his name was brought up again. It was just about time to write about him. I was starting to forget how disinterested he is with me. I can’t lie and say I leveled in conversation with boys like him. But it’s been too long and enough is enough when I start to think of him as someone I should put in a pedestal when it comes to boys in my life. “A” may be confusing, but at least he would have treated me kinder. It also made me realize calling me outside clubs with my friends when I was pretending not to hear would lead to complicatedness. LOL. Even more complicated over the fact that they look alike...

J, I’m so happy to finally be over you. I hope you’re kinder now and more thoughtful because you look less hot now. I hope you still think about me from time to time. Especially because your girlfrend’s name sounds wayyyy similar to mine. I hope you miss me and that we can talk again. More honest and open this time. I forgive you for that night. And I’m sorry for everything.

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