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softboyscully · 4 years

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Public School Stuff I Wanted to Share

public school is both beautiful and horrifying am i right

so ill just go by the grades i guess

Kindergarten, first year

i did kindergartden at a catholic school in a relativly big city so this one’s got some shit

we went to church every wednesday, me and best friend (lost track of her when we moved, wish we’d stayed in touch, she was awesome) would giggle the whole time, pretty sure we made fun of jesus once, can’t remember why, possibly the hair

i had the nicest teacher, she was (as i remember her) young, blonde, and super sweet, that was the first and last year i ever had naptime

SPEAKING of naptime

i never slept during it

once i found what i remember being a nut of some sort on the ground, probably came off someone’s shoe

i grab it, turn to sarah (my best friend), say something about putting it up my nose

sarah, apparently having common sense, says, “no dont do it!! we’re supposed to be sleeping!!”

i put it up my fucking nose

try to get it out, just push it farther in

im crying a little bit now, that shit hurts

go up to my teacher

“you’re supposed to be asleep!”

“i have a nut up my nose and it wont come out”

teacher tries to get it out, but it wont budge

just. sends me back to my mat

that was it

the art room was tiny

like re-purposed broom closet tiny

there was a copy of the mona lisa in the hallway, someone had drawn ray bans on it with a pencil, never got replaced

there was a creepy-ass basement i went down to after school, we ate cheeseballs and sandwiches with some kind of meat, mayo, and that kinda yellow bread

someone broke his leg down there once, think an older kid threw him at the ceiling or something

we learned how to play Silver Bells with actual bells in music class

Kindergarten, second year

i remember these two teachers as the evil step sister-type look, but it might be my little kid imagination

but seriously they were horrible

we learned stuff in a room that was more middle-school styled, except everything was green or black and it was v dark

me and sarah attained a new friend, john

honestly i think we would’ve stayed friends for a while if i didnt move away

i have two vivid memories

one is of me really wanting to go home, so i walked by the teacher’s desk and did a fake sneeze

they laughed at me and told me to go sit back down

the other is john leaning his chair back and then falling, so me and sarah went to help him back up

it was funny, so he did it again

and again

me and sarah were laughing, had the time of our lives

after the maybe fifth time the teachers said “john can get back up by himself. sit down and stay there.”

one of the reasons we moved was bc i got sent a letter from my fourth grade buddie

most of the words weren’t spelled correctly, many letters were backwards

my mother was horrified

ofc now we know it was probably a learning disability

1st grade

this is when i moved

beginning of school i was ASTOUNDED we didnt have uniforms, one of the best things ever to happen to me

nothing wrong with this teacher, she was cool

thing is i was a little shit

told everyone my dogs died (they did but i was maybe three when it happened, i remember it not)

all my personal narratives were bullshit (only one sticks in my memory, wrote it about celebrating christmas AND hanukkah with my dad’s friends who were jewish, i have never even met those friends)

had a crush on this kid, best friend (she was terrible and helped wreck me emotionally) told me to kiss him in music class. me being a stupid ass bitch, i did it, aND HE GOES TO THE TEACHER AND CALLS ME OUT. at the end of class she gets both of us to stay for a bit, AND I DENYIED EVERYTHING. i walked across the fucking classroom, kissed him on the cheek, ran away giggling, told my teacher i didn’t do anything, AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. i’ve embarrassed myself further with this child but thats another story

2nd grade

i loved this teacher but honestly he was absolute shit

like. all he did was play the guitar and sing with us

never actually taught us stuff???

middle of the year, my mom goes in for a parent-teacher conference, he tells her i dont pay attention is math.

“what do you mean?”

“she doesn’t listen, she just takes out a book and starts reading.”

“........have you.... tried taking the book away?”

“sure, i could try that.”

“o....kay”

he also told her i’d be a girl who’d grow up to love spellcheck (which i do lmao)

like ???? why not just??? teach me to spell????

there was this one dude who one day showed up, gave me a pink stuffed cat, and then asked me where i lived

funniest thing was he lived on the same street as me

something that is vivid in my memory is showing up to class one day and realizing that i was wearing my regular clothes over my pajamas

also we had fish

every day someone else was in charge of feeding them

one of the times it was my job, i grab the fish food and walk over to the tank only to find all of the fish floating on the top

i screamed “THE FISH CAN FLY?!?!?!?!?!”

everyone ran over, all of us scarred for life when Mr. G walks over and goes in the most normal voice ever “no theyre dead”

we held a funeral

the cause of death is still undetermined

3rd grade

this year just draws a blank for me

all i know is that whoever the teacher was, they neglected to teach me how to tell time from a clock

also we learned the Cotten Eyed Joe dance in gym around here

4th grade

i had two teachers this year

one was the same one from 1st grade, the other one was a total bitch

made a girl named hannah ball her eyes out once, never apologized

i was (and am) and avid reader, so my reading skills were high above average

instead of being proud of me she told me i was weird, not normal, and too smart for a 4th grader, so i MUST be cheating.

she was the start of a lot of self confidence issues for me ngl

this was around the time i went and got tested for ADHD (me and my grandmother almost broke down on the highway but thats another story), Mrs. M (the nice one) was super supportive when i told her why i was leaving early but Ms. S (bitch) told me ADHD wasn’t real and i just wanted to be special for once

she sucked, Ms. S

5th grade

this is getting super long so this’ll be the last one i do

but my teacher..... Mr. F was A+++++

he legitimately taught me math

we had i guess like,,, a buddie class we switched with sometimes

the teacher of that class was Mrs. R, who had crazy red hair and many freckles

at one point she referenced a meme and my entire class started screaming

also there was another Mrs. S (to differentiate this one will be called Mrs. Su)

she was kind of crazy

she was the astronomy teacher and she told us many times that the moon landing was faked

once she handed out sunscreen and had everyone put it on their whole body (this was in december, fyi)

Mr. F also hosted an ‘archeological dig’ which sounds cool but in reality he had a bunch of arcade prizes from his childhood buried in little flower pots we dug into with plastic spoons

also heres some stuff i cants pinpoint the time of/happened in multiple grades:

someone held a who-can-scream-the-most-like-a-goat contest

a guy named Makenzie won

remember we planned it while the teacher left the classroom so the teacher walks back in and one by one everyone in the room starts screaming, there was some applause, a few kids got a standing ovation

we cleaned out our desks in the middle of the year, i found 3 socks and a dog treat in mine

like how the fuck did any of those things get there

and where’s the fourth sock

b o t t l e f l i p p i n g

but no seriously there were at least five water bottles stuck in the ceiling in the cafeteria

my sorta friend charlie was obsessed with paper airplanes

one time he might’ve broken the world record for longest time in the air but he was counting in his head and it was at recess so there was no video

four square and gaga ball would be played no matter the setting, time, or conditions and it was super competitive

like if you could get to king in four square you got the everlasting respect of everyone

and everyone was super educated on four square special rules, special plays, that kinda shit

no but guys i grew up with bus stop, candy store, haunted house on mondays, haunted mansion on fridays, zombies was fair game unless it was Zach, Ryan, Chrissy or Vee

me and one other guy named andrew were the only known pjo fans, had the time of our LIVES making refrences

“HEY ANDREW IM NOBODY”

“I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR YOU, NOBODY, COME HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH”

“hey annabeth, i thought you looked like a princess when i first saw you. i printed out a picture you sent me casually and kept it with me. i snuck along on a quest so i could save you, endangering myself immensely. i held the sky for you. when you talk about your crush on luke, i get jealous. beckendorf understood, but hes dead.”

“ikr we’re literally the best of friends”

“RIGHT”

also the first time we finished mark of athena we were in the same classroom and we individually dropped the book, stood up, looked at each other, and screamed “WELL FUCK YOU TOO RICK RIORDAN”

#public school #percy jackson #percabeth #my childhood #you dont have to read this but i felt like posting it lol #if you've read this far #i applaud you #thanks for listening to my meaningless shit #im gonna be a comedian #school #school stories #adhd #kind of

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dracosollicitus · 4 years

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LOVE LOVE LOVE that you’re a jo/bhaer fan i feel like so many people just disregard them

Jo and Bhaer forever, tbh!!!

I remember being a kid in fifth grade when my reading group was supposed to be reading independent novels and I read little women and had to talk to my teacher about it (bc they had to check we were actually reading so they could justify leaving us alone to work with the lower reading groups)

So, my grimy little hands were gripping my blue covered copy of Little Women, the spine softened and worn by loving and destructive dedication to reading and re-reading it. My teacher asked me what I thought about Teddy/Laurie and could I tell her why Jo had turned him down and my answer as a ten year old was literally “he sucks.” End of explanation. Then, she asked why Jo wouldn’t marry him anyway bc they were best friends and he loved her a lot and I very passionately ten-year-old-girl-yelled “you DON’T marry someone because you feel bad for them no matter HOW much you like them” and anyway I thought Bhaer was the Dreamiest and I read Little Men and Jo’s Boys that year and I re read them all through high school bc Jo March is my actual hero.

Anyway, I’ve been waiting my whole life for a gruff, intellectual, older man to tell me how I’m wrong (in a nice way bc he thinks I should just Be Right even though it’s not socially advantageous for me to Be Right) and then marry me and leave me tf alone so I can have time to write and be a teacher and still love me for being harsh and slightly bitter.

#jo march #little women #jo x friedrich #jo x bhaer #ask #shakespesre #also for the record i dont hate laurie anymore #but he needs to stay away from jo #and amy tbh

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zoppzoop · 3 years

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3 and 27:))

Hello ma'am! Ily and imy!!!! I hope you're doing good!!

03: Do you regret anything?

Seriously speaking, not getting studying done sooner because of procrastination. And also not having talked to my parents about architecture sooner. I literally started thinking about it seriously day before yesterday after talking to mom and dad. But ehh i just gotta study hared now.

And non-seriously, not taking the chance and going to the stationery with dad to buy stuff lmao

I went with mom and got just one fineliner pen.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Tbh yes and twice. Or maybe thrice? Four times??? idk if one of them was a hearbreak or actually just a prank.

Anyways buckle the fuck up we're in for a story time and this is gonna be a stupid ride

Okay, first the 'prank' (now that i think about it it was definitely not a prank). i was in the 7th grade and this one dude from my class came up to me while i was boarding the bus to go home and handed me a piece of paper. And im here confused as to what the f u c k? The dude was kinda like in the competition for the top rank in class (we were very competetive, there were like 5 of us) so i was just confused. I got in the bus and opened the paper. And it had a bunch of stuffs that i dint bother reading because the first thing my eyes landed on was 'will you be the annabeth to my percy?' And (yes i was a huge pjo fan that the time) i got out of the bus and literally yote the paper in the trash (cruel, yes i know. But listen. The dude used to tease me by literally shipping me with another classmate (thats also another story) and GOD that was so fucking ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇso yes i was angry. And i legit didnt like any of the people in my class. All of them were just,,,, nah. Sobyea next day he asked me 'so?' And i said ',,,so what??' And he's like 'whats your reply?' And i straight up said 'uh i threw the paper' and he just turned around and left.

And then we became enemies-ish and literally fought hand-to-hand once (i was kicking so hand to foot i guess?) But ye that happened. And then a bunch of more stuff happened and by the time my dad was gonna get a promotional transfer to another place half the class became like one big group of friends and we became pretty good friends in the end.

Now lets talk about the dude who i got shipped with. I got teased for a whole year and like we were all pretty good friends right? So i didnt mind it in the beginning but then it got too overwhelming in the middle and it literally made me hate every single one of them. But then it got subdued and we decided we'll maybe date? And we didnt exactly say that out loud but he used to walk me to my bus (okay so the bus system at my old schoom was like a few buses were inside the campus and a few were outside. His was inside and mine out, so he used to walk me there. And then one day he said lets hold hands (and we did it was cute and we held hands and walked to my bus for like 2-3 days but then had to stop bc people started teasing us, we didnt end it on bitter terms btw. He used to have like taekwondo practice int he last period and we usually had english then so while going to the buses i used to give him my notes for the day.)

And like a few days later we realised that sure this is nice but he was gonna move schools soon and i legit wasnt that interested in relationships at the time so we 'ended' whatever that was. And on his last day when he dropped me off to my bus he asked me if i had a phone so we could keep in touch and i didnt have it so i said no and he was like 'hmm okay, bye take care' and left. And then his best friend stayed behind and jokingly said 'ah you broke his heart'

Yea okay two down two to go.

Third dude was in my bus and in my class and the friend group which was made up of half the class and wow i feel bad about everything w/ everyone now lmao

Anyways this was in 8th grade. So we were pretty good friends because we were in the same bus and class for the past 3 years now and considering my dad's profession thats a long time in the same place (its usually just one year) and ye so we were pretty close. Everyone in the bus used to olay team up games like charades and stuff

(ah shit i remember a fifth one in the colony damn i hate this)

Anyways number three, so we used to talk a lot. I'd gotten instagram by this time for art stuff so we talked there a lot. Like we sent each other memes and he got my weird and cursed meme shit and also got into anime and bts a bit to understand what the fuck i was saying. And he used to get teased because middle schoolers and junior highschoolers are stupid kids in those terms so ye there was a lot of teasibg which i tried to instantly shoot down because i didnt want a 7th grade repeat when there were chances of dad getting transfered soon coz i want good memories of the place y'know? So ye that happened. And i found out last year (in 11th grade and after dad got the transfer (i started 10th grade after the transfer) and apparently he got teased because he did actually like me and me shooting all that stuff down was literally just a rejection itself so that happened.

And number 4 was a similar thing but way more stressy because last year some random dude hit me up on Instagram and im here confused as to what the fuck? Ｗｈｏｍｓｔ？ and he says he's a friend of the first dude, second dude and the fourth dude (all of them are in the same coaching institute and 1,2 and 4 were also in my class in the past right. They were 3 of the 5 who were in the competition for top rank) and he legit says he wants to talk to the girl that two of his friends fought over and i'm like sir WHAT the Actual ＦＵＣＫ. because in the begining they were good friends in class right? And they had some unknown falling out and im like bitch literally WHAT the FUCK. So he brings up proof and shut because i didnt believe him and fuck off he also broght in another classmate who knew and im here losing my mind because the actual fuck you motherfuckers. Anyways apparently since i didnt like 4 back, he had his heart broken so eh. It was literally a 4 year old thing which those idiots were fighting over even now like dude the hell???

So ye that happened and a whole gc was made and shit was solved and cleared out blah blah freindship rebuilt yadda yadda bullcrap i got so tired by now that i literally am still kinda ignoring everyone rn. (half the reason why i deleted ig was because its distracting and half bc i wanna ignore them all lmao)

Anyways number 5 was in my colony and also in my bus when he used to go to the same school (he shifted to a boarding school later bc some stuff happened w his dad which is a whole another wild thing) and ooh he was also my neighbor! We used to go and play badminton in the clubhouse (literally all the kids of our age group and older used to go there. And after badminton when it was like 7:30 or 8 we used to just sit around in a circle and play truth or dare or red hands or kabbadi or literally anything we could think of. Fun times ngl.) So ye he was on a trip home on a long weekend i think and we ended up cycling around the colony, just us two hanging out. And we were talking and this one girl who he told me was his crush when he was still in school came up and he then told me that that was actually a codename thing he and his friend created and that was their codename for me and he also said he was over it now and i was just there completely shook because i honestly thought he hated me in the middle somewhere lmao. And he said he was just annoyed because another mutual friend of ours in the colony told him that i had a crush on this other guy like one house away from mine (my best friends house was in the middle lmao) (anyways that mutual frined the traitorous mf i truStEd her (actually i'd already confessed to the dude and got turned down i legit wasnt even that invested so it wasnt a big deal. I just wanted to kinda get done with this crush thing once and for all. He turned me down politely. He's a sweet guy he used to be there i the club after i was done with my coaching stuff around 7:30 and then us two played till like 9. It was nice) so ye he told me about his crush on me which lasted a few months??? and that he was over it and i also told him that i'd gotten the rejection from my crush a loooong time ago and he's like huh cool. and ye we kept cycling and talking ab more random stuff till it was time to head home .

ｗｈｅｗ ANYWAYS THERE WAS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE. Anyways- sjdvskdb thanks for the ask this was a wild ride down memory lane. I didnt even remember half the shit till it came down to it.

#also this just reminds me how i used to be at around the top in my class and the coaching at the old place #but here im just #ehhhhhh below average #i kinda idk.... stopped trying???#i legit dont know what hapoened to me i ised to be such a good student dude #i miss those smart big brain days.#i even had a ongoing fic with like above 100k readers on wattpad back then #i peaked in 8-9th grade ngl #lish.answers

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the-voice-of-night-vale · 4 years

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trying to explain to my therapist the ways i was bullied and traumatized as a child is. complicated.

because. okay. i was not socialized before i went to school in second grade. the only ppl i had around me growing up were my brothers (one 7 years older, a three years younger, and a six years younger); i had a neighbor who was three years older than me who scared me and i barely knew. everyone else was an adult.

so naturally, being a neurodivergent kid, when i went into school, i was really weird. i had attention issues (but not bad enough that they were picked up on), i had trouble making friends (i read to cope and made “friends” with my teachers instead), and didn’t understand a lot of social norms.

but i wasn’t weird enough to be directly bullied. i was skinny, white, adorable, and nice (except for when i was accidentally rude for not knowing any better). i was a teacher’s pet, I read and drew and preferred indoor recess. i wasn’t visibly gender nonconforming. i didn’t realize i was queer until middle school. so nobody made fun of me directly (at least not that i can remember). the closest thing I can remember is someone fake asking me out, which just confused me, and it didn’t register that i was being bullied. people made fun of me for kissing my friend on the cheek during recess, but it was only once and it didn’t matter.

but that doesn’t mean i wasn’t bullied. looking back people probably talked about me behind my back. they were probably mean to me but i didn’t realize it. I had a few friends but they were, for the most part, also weird (weird in the way elementary schoolers tend to be, but that didn’t stop the “less weird” kids from thinking oddly of us, at least retrospectively speaking).

when i was in fourth grade i moved in across the street from one of the more popular kids in my grade (or at least someone i saw as more popular than me lol), and so “out of necessity” she befriended me. But of course she couldn’t be seen with a weirdo like me, so she spent that summer “teaching” me how to be “normal.” this included run of the mill misogynistic bullshit; learning about face shapes and fashion and reading magazines. we watched movies and she texted and we didn’t run around or play tag like our brothers did. we just sat on the porch.

that shit traumatized me. it taught me to be over-aware of how others would interpret my actions and behaviors. it taught me that the way i acted naturally was weird, that i read too many books, that i should pluck my eyebrows and shave my legs. I was in the fifth grade.

i made a “v” shape with my fingers and stuck my tongue out in a picture and everyone screamed because it was a “lesbian” thing. i had barely known what a lesbian was. even though it would be nearly ten years until i actually realized i was neurodivergent, i was made aware of my symptoms and how unnatural they were viewed. how laughable. i had had rsd before anyway, but it made me far too aware of peer rejection (before it had been from teachers. it still remained that way, for the most part). i was taught that if i wasn’t “normal” enough i would go back to being alone. i didn’t have the understanding to come to the “i’m broken” conclusion, but that was probably what would have happened, if i had been just a little more aware.

it didn’t set in for me, completely, until i was a little bit older. we weren’t really friends after we left elementary school. she went to the richer middle school, i went to the poorer one, even though we still lived across the street from one another. i made friends with the scene (read: weird) kids at middle school. i dated girls. still, no one really bothered me. (probably bc all my friends carried knives and smoked cigerettes). the overly christian popular boy i had a crush on probably found me weird and creepy, but i didn’t ever speak to him much.

i found new, even weirder friends heading into high school, and i think this sense of hyperawareness finally set in when i a. started cosplaying homestuck at school (i had friends who did it. it was kind of the thing in 2014 and 2015) and b. started questioning my gender identity and exploring my queer identity more. for me, while i think this trauma is caused mostly by ableism, i think it’s also caused by queermisia.

i became acutely aware of the fact that people thought it was funny that i wore a wig to school a few times. they thought it was silly that i demanded their respect during productions in theater (i was stage manager). but still, no one bullied me about it directly. people eventually listened to me and were shocked when i swore at them and demanded they do what i and the director had asked (turn in scripts that were three days overdue)

partially i think this has to do with how “direct bullying” wasn’t particularly in fashion (that’s theory i’ve never looked into it really). but i still think it has to do with the fact that i was white, skinny, conventionally attractive. my only outward “sin” was that i was still a little weird. (by this point i had begun masking to appear at least somewhat normal. as normal as i knew how). while oppression olympics is not a game i’m going to ever play, i want to recognize my privilege. it would have been worse if i had been a kid of color, if i had been fat, etc. i eventually stopped hanging out with the weird kids who cosplayed at school.

keep in mind this is a half-liberal half-conservative school. the exact location in my state is relevant but not something i’m going to talk about here. it probably would have been worse if i had been in south carolina. hell, it probably would have been worse had i gone to a different, richer, less diverse school. (i knew people who went to our rival school, which was bigger and nicer and richer. it was apparently hell).

the way i learned about the consequences of my divergence was through how my peers spoke about other people. they made attack helicopter jokes, they made autism jokes, they made fun of homestuck and doctor who (two things which were important to me). i remember vividly my junior or senior year of high school someone in my drama class loudly and openly misgendering and making fun of a nonbinary person to my class. me, sitting two seats away, a closeted nonbinary person who had only just begun asking teachers to call me by a different name, learned the consequences of existing publicly. the trans kids at my school were under constant scrutiny. sure, some of this could be attributed to ignorance. no one ever seemed to know how to correctly gender some of the kids, for example. but there was a huge amount of queermisia. people tore down and drew on my GSA posters. the principle took down a flag poster we made for day of silence because ONE parent complained.

i remember a student in the theater production jokingly asked if “i had just assumed his gender.” i garnered very little respect from people whom i was technically, partially, in charge of during productions. i had authority that was rarely respected. they respected my boyfriend more. whether it was because he’s bigger, more intimimidating, a cis man, or was kind of buddies with them, i will never know, but i knew that the consequences of me living publicly and honestly was to lose what little authority and peace i had.

i admired the strength of a student who came out in his beginning drama class. i was sat at the back of the room in stage crew nearly crying because even tho the drama teacher was someone i was really close to, i couldn’t bring myself to come out to him. the roots were buried too deep.

i wished, often, in high school (and my first year of college) that i was a binary trans man, so coming out would be easier.

i was never shoved in a locker, called slurs, or publicly shamed. i was never beaten up. i’ve never even been in a fight. my trauma was quiet, and subtle, and undirected. i learned by hearing what people said of others who were like me; i learned by absorbing media; i learned in the subconscious way we’re all indoctrinated. it still follows me.

having such a quiet pain makes it hard to talk about my problems because i feel like my therapist doesn’t understand bullying on a less overt spectrum. it’s something i had to find words for in social theory. it’s something that requires education bc that’s how insidious it is.

and working past that trauma is hard and is not divided equally. it’s easy to dismiss the exorsexist claims of peers whom i never really respected in the first place. it’s easy to ignore that most cishet people i went to high school with deserve to burn in hell. it’s easy to reclaim the years in the closet that was lost to me. it’s easy to be in the closet at work. i know, generally, how to mask in a way that allows me to avoid facing direct queermisia. (easy, here, is only relative). again, part of this is because of where i live. part of it is because i have -- mostly -- accepting parents.

what’s hard is working past the societal ableism that corners me. not only is it impossible for me (without more conditioning and social trauma) to be “normal” in a world that doesn’t accommodate my neurotype, i can’t easily dismiss my concerns. i feel like my therapist is trying to get me to dismiss my response to feeling hyperaware of my effects in social circles. i know, no matter what, no matter how close i might think i am with someone,f they’re neurotypical, or even if they’re allistic and don’t have adhd, they won’t be able to accept and understand me. an even if they do -- i’ve had multiple people insist to me that they’ll never judge me, that their love for me is unconditional -- i still have to be aware of accidentally saying off-color or rude things without realizing it. i second guess myself bc i don’t want to cause other people pain. and there isn’t a remedy for that bc when it doesn’t happen it’s paranoia but when it does it’s bc i’ve caused someone pain and they won’t tell me, so they just get mad or passive aggressive or vague. i’m too autistic for that!! and it’s frustrating because if someone’s upset with me i need to know. i can’t be hinted. but asking that and making assumptions and being wrong is worse than just suffering. so i suffer.

me not being able to know how i’m effecting someone fucks me up hugely. it causes me to second guess and blame myself for everything. it makes me want to isolate from people i love so i don’t cross an invisible line they might have drawn.

i’m not sure exactly what i’m saying with this? it’s mostly a vent post i guess. but it’s also just.... idk it’s frustrating that queermisia and ableism (and all the other isms and social marginalizations) are only recognized as outright bigotry. it maintains the status quo bc it doesn’t require us to recognize and deconstruct the social structures that create those marginalizations. it doesn’t actually change anything.

and it’s frustrating that social trauma doesn’t get recognized unless it’s this overt form. and it’s frustrating that i have to do this at all, and frustrating that i don’t know how.

idk

#the queen of trash has spoken #long post #ask to tag #idk how i feel about ppl reblogging this but go ahead if u want idc #ok to interact in other ways tho #q power #queermisia #queerphobia #lesbomisia mention #lesbophobia mention #ableism #this is way too much information about me but there u go #what else is a tumblr for huh

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five-the-assassin · 5 years

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Unplanned mafia au

So because of writers block everything official i’ve tried writing is shit so here i am in notes just going for a stream of consciousness style fic bc lets be real nothing else is fucking working

so here’s an au. no powers, reggie’s not an alien, grace is human, pogo doesn’t exist bc i forgot about him and by the time i remembered it was too late

- reginald is essentially the same. abusive asshole. i still see him as an eccentric billionaire, so that lends the question how did he get so rich? he’s not an alien or whatever the fuck he is in the show, so where did the money come from? more on that later.

- so you have this weird ass kinda shady billionaire who decides out of the blue to adopt six children. reasons unclear, but hey it happens. the tabloids go wild.

- after a series of failed nannies he marries grace, a beautiful young women in her very early twenties. the tabloids go wild yet again, but they can’t find any details on the marriage or grace.

- it’s as if Grace didn’t exist before her marriage.

- eventually they just accept it and move on.

- and the kids grow up. reginald is still an abusive dick, and these kids have a pretty miserable childhood. grace is their one saving (excuse the pun) grace.

-and one by one, they leave.

-allison is the first, getting a small part in a movie filming in la when she’s sixteen. she emancipated herself (reginald doesn’t even look at the papers, just signs the dotted line), and she’s gone.

-a few months later, so is vanya. full scholarship to study performance violin at a local college. she doesn’t tell anyone she’s leaving, and it takes days for anyone to notice she was gone.

-there’s a brief interlude. a few months go by.

-then ben leaves. he was accepted to a local community college with plans to go to medical school once he saves up the money.

- a few days later, klaus follows.

-diego storms out a few weeks after he turns seventeen. no plans, no savings, he ends up in a gym and the owner takes pity on him and lets him stay in the boiler room. he stays there for a little while, then enrolls in the police academy where he meets a fiery seventeen year old named eudora patch, and for the first time diego has met his match.

- luther stays, and then when he turns eighteen his father unceremoniously kicks him out. he flounders, then joins the army.

-in the last three months of luther’s stay there was something he failed to notice. but to be fair to him, grace always has worn loose dresses.

-reginald only notices around the five month mark, and therein lies the problem. he and grace has never harbored any delusions of love, or even fondness. grace loved her children, and for her children she stayed. but once most her children left, there was a hole in her heart.

-so one night she left, and she tried to find something to fill that hole.

-and six weeks later, in one of the many empty rooms in the hargreeves mansion, she finds that, while it’s not what she expected, the hole will be filled a little.

-grace’s baby is born in a hospital on may fifth.

-she is alone in the delivery room, save the doctors.

-she doesn’t know quite yet what she wants to name the child, so she brings home a blank birth certificate and a baby the doctors have been calling little baby grace.

-reginald barely blinks when she brings the baby home.

-(“What is it called?” He asks, not looking up from his journal. He is sitting in his desk chair, portrait of himself looming over the room.

“He doesn’t have a name yet.” Grace replies softly, trying not to wake the baby in her arms. The doctors had said he was one of the most alert babies they had ever seen, and he seemed to scoff at the idea that babies needed sleep.

Grace loved him with all her heart.

“When was it born?” Reginald demanded, sharply closing his journal and finally looking up at his wife and her baby.

“May fifth at-“ Grace started to answer, but Reginald cut her off.

“It will be called Five.”

And that was the end of that.)

-Grace considers calling her children, telling them they had a new brother But they had fought so hard to make lives for themselves, and never once had they looked back. Grace ignores the heartbreak, because she understands. She considered leaving, so many times, but her children had kept her here. So she stayed, but she will not drag her children back here when they finally escaped.

- She knows what it’s like to run and never look back. She knows how much it would hurt to be dragged back.

-And so Five grows up with pictures and stories of his older siblings, but no visits.

-It’s evident from the beginning that he is not an ordinary child. He’s speaking by six months, carrying full conversations by twelve. Grace encourages this with all she has, this house had been silent for too long.

-Grace had planned on sending Five to school. With her other six children Reginald had demanded they be privately tutored, but Reginald seemed to ignore Five’s existence altogether. Grace has taken this as permission to raise Five as she saw fit, and she wanted Five’s childhood to be nothing like his siblings.

-(and maybe if she gave Five a childhood completely different than his siblings then he wouldn’t run one day and never look back.)

-Five’s first day of preschool was... interesting.

(“Five, how was school? Did you make new friends?” Grace asked as she walked him to the car. Five was still a tiny little thing, she nearly had to stoop to hold his hand.

“It was boring. All we did was sing the ABCs.” Five muttered, kicking a rock along the pavement. “I tried to tell the Ms. Henry that I knew my times tables but she just told me that we’re not supposed to do times tables yet.”

Grace sighed, then fixed on a smile. “Well, were the other children nice?”

“They were boring. They just wanted to play pretend. They didn’t like me.” Five admitted the last part softly, and Grace’s heart clenched painfully.)

-So Five had been moved up to first grade. Within a week he had been moved to third. After the third grade teacher recommended he be moved to fifth Grace finally caved and decided to tutor him privately.

-She still tried to encourage him to spend time with kids his own age. Five seemed to enjoy the martial arts class Grace signed him up for, and there was a mother/child art class that Five liked. But despite her encouragement, Five never seemed to want to play with kids his own age. He was perfectly content to be on his own, reading and learning more and more.

- (One day when he is five, Five asks if they can talk. Grace agrees immediately, and follows as Five sits down on his bed and Grace sits across from him.

“Why do you stay here?” He asks, his five year old face as serious as Grace had ever seen it.

“What do you mean? This is our home.” Grace replies, trying to put her hand over Five’s. He snatches it away, and looks Grace dead in the eye.

“No, it’s not. It’s his.”

Grace doesn’t ask who he means.)

- She has her reasons for staying. She had her reasons for marrying Reginald. But those reasons begin to get more and more insignificant every time she finds Five curled up in nearly unreachable corners of the house, pale face buried in a book.

- And so when Five turns seven, she hands Reginald divorce papers, quietly sues him for four and a half million dollars, and moves herself and Five to a small apartment in the middle of the city, near the local university.

- Five flourishes. When they still lived at the mansion he was withdrawn and kept to himself, it took forever to Grace to coax him out of his shell every afternoon.

- (Privately she was terrified that something had happened that she didn’t know about. Reginald had never seemed to notice Five nor want to be around him, but there were times when Grace came home from the store and Five would be hiding in his room, head buried in a book, tear stains on his face.)

- One day at the library, when he’s eight, he meets a girl named Dolores. Her wheelchair is turquoise and decorated with sequins, and Five is drawn to her immediately. Grace gives the two their space, and by the time she comes back Five already knows the alphabet in sign language, and his entire stack of books he brings to check out are sign language instructionals.

-When Five turned ten, he graduated college with a degree in theoretical physics. By the time he was twelve he had his masters, and then he immediately began his PhD.

-Grace was at every one of his graduations, videotaping them with a proud smile and a tears in her eyes.

-(Privately, she wonders what Ben and Vanya’s graduations had been like, how handsome they must have looked in their gowns and hats. She wonders if Vanya smiled that bright smile reserved only for her violin, if Ben’s shoulders finally unclenched as he walked across the stage.)

- Dolores becomes a permanent fixture in their lives. She’s cyber schooled because of her various doctor’s visits and appointments, so whenever Five isn’t absolutely required to be in school he is by her side. Grace gives the two their space, and she and Dolores’ dads become fast friends. When hospital bills start to become too much she quietly steps in and offers to help out; she has more money than she knows what to do with.

- One day, at the hospital, she runs into Ben. She nearly doesn’t recognize her baby, he got so tall since last saw him.

- But Ben recognizes her immediately.

- (He had dropped his folders and run over to her, crushing her in a hug before she knew what was happening. He quickly pulled back, examining Grace worriedly.

“Mom! Are you ok? Is everyone fine? What are you doing here?” He asks, and Grace smiles, barely able to contain her joy at being reunited with one of her children.

“Everyone’s fine, I’m here with Five to visit his friend.” She soothes, and Ben’s eyebrows furrow.

“Five?” He asks, and Grace’s smile is tinted with sadness and she suggests they get coffee and talk.)

- She tells Ben that she divorced Reginald four years ago, and of the existence of Five.

-Ben meets Five a few days later.

-(He would have brought Klaus, but Ben had just checked him into rehab again. Grace’s heart hurt, but she knew that rehab would help Klaus more than she could right now.)

- Five is understandably wary, but Ben has a way of worming past people’s defenses and before dinner they’re chatting like they’ve known each other their whole lives.

- Then, one day when Five is thirteen, Grace’s sister calls and tells her that Sir Reginald Hargreeves is dead three days before the news announces it.

- She hadn’t spoken to Claudia since the day before she was married.

- Except Claudia apparently only answers to ‘The Handler’ now.

#The Umbrella Academy #Umbrella Academy #Grace Hargreeves #Reginald Hargreeves #au #ramblings #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #maybe ill expand on this later #i didn't plan on it turning into a mafia au but im fully prepared to roll with it #grace hargreeves is gonna fuck shit up to protect her kids #yeah there's gonna be a part 2 #so i gotta name this #runaway au

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britnxyspears · 5 years

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my friend’s ex best friend (who is a total fucking nutbag) was jealous of me for being close with my friend when she wasn’t because I was ‘stealing’ her and jfc she was a super homophobe and has the mentality of a petty grade schooler. This woman (she was about 2 years older than us) has a child now and that’s the only reason my friend is still “friends” with her and I get so sad thinking about that poor kiddo.

I’m also just so fucking livid thinking about that bitch. She texted said nazi guy (before I really knew anything about him, I had met him once, with her) and told him WHERE I LIVED the day after I had MET him and he kept like... taking pictures of the two of us hanging out and sending them to her. And I thought it was just to be kind of petty bc, my friend was also feeling a little petty.

the reason my friend moved on in OUR friendship and out of hers is because I was fucking... nice to my friend. I appreciate her and love her. I’m a good friend, I told her that that bitch was toxic af but my bud realized that on her own.

I figured this guy, with the story he sold me, was doing the same. He said he wanted better friends so I was nice to him and he was overwhelmingly nice to me. He loved how “real” I was,

He knew I was having family problems and would come late and drive me around until I cried about it and got it out of my system and we’d like hit up the McDonald’s (the only place in Rural Hell lol) for drinks and fries and then once instead of driving me home before my mom got back he started driving way into the countryside and I was so freaked out. He took me to his house and I was okay and he let me play with his dog outside and I was fine but he wouldn’t let me go inside or anything. Then on the way back to my place he said that Bitch texted him all jealous and shit and told him that she knows me well and that I love to suck cocks and I worship them and shit.

I identified as a lesbian at the time and I did the entire time I was in high school. He showed me the texts from her and I had to laugh at how ridiculous that was. Me, a lesbian, worshipping dick, loving to suck them off and being “nasty”

That’s what fucking scares me. Knowing now that that man was a self identified nazi with a gun collection and obsessed with school shootings... was she trying to get me raped? I was only 16. Nobody had my back, not even my friend at the time because she was way too naive to have called it like how it looks now.

I was also open since middle school about being part jewish, though granted a lot of my classmates probably had forgotten that in favor of only noting that I was a f*g and marking my entire identity up to that. But still if he knew that, would he have fucking killed me?

I don’t identify myself as partially Jewish anymore because I never got to know my paternal grandfather’s side of the family, even though I had a lot in common with my great grandmother and was really heartbroken when I found out she had passed, I still seldom ever met her enough to talk about our history. My father himself is race faker (he thinks he’s an “honorary black person” ... last I heard, he even has fucking ‘dreads’ asdfgh...and he’s a compulsive liar. I wouldn’t put antisemitism past him either, and I don’t talk to my grandpa Paul enough to say “Hey! your son wasn’t lying when he said your side of the family is Jewish, right?”

I mean, I’m a blonde haired blue eyed pale person so I figure there’s nothing to be proud about if I don’t even know much of the side’s history (and now likely never will) or really face any hardships of people who without a doubt, are jewish, you know? When I was younger, I was really proud of it. I remember speaking to a holocaust survivor in fifth grade about how I wish I knew that side of my family better so I could learn our history a little better. He was really sweet to me and my teacher actually let the two of us speak for a while longer because I was a shy kid and it was probably the most she’d ever seen me talk. I really hope he’s okay right now, that was over a decade ago and I still remember his face and his story and how angry I was when this one kid who said stupid shit during our reading sessions on the holocaust wouldn’t shut up. I don’t think he’s alive anymore, but I hope that if he is, he’s comfortable.

But in the end, that’s terrifying to me.

To think that if if this nazi bastard knew that about me, he might have skipped all that weird shit and just fucking killed me when I was at home, alone. That fucking terrifies me so much and god I want to move.

What pisses me off is that this Bitch knew that about me, knew about him I’m sure, and probably sent that bastard in hopes that he’d fucking rape me or hurt me or whatever.

I tried really hard not to think about this and I just... I don’t have anywhere anyone to put these thoughts on so sorry for the vent. As far as I know, I’m not in immediate danger. I’m just. Paranoid. And something recently triggered a lot of these memories and I’m just. bent out of shape.

#I'm sorry about this #long post #vent #antisemetism tw

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goldenscript · 7 years

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badboy!yuto

adachi yuto, japanese exchange student and baseball player extraordinaire

his pitch is insane,,, latest record was 89.5 mph but he might’ve upped it (he did and he’s still aiming to surpass the best recorded speed of 105.1) since the school’s newspaper last interviewed him,,, nervously

he may be a well-known around school for being one of the top-ranking baseball players but he’s actually really intimidating

equipped with a brooding look and an almost always resting bitch face a lot of people find him,,,, hard to approach and he likes that

being in a new country is tough - getting to know the language and the customs is like being a little kid in elementary school and it’s because of this very reason that he really hates people trying to belittle him or look down on him

it certainly doesn’t help that just by going there has made other people treat him like an actual child but if there’s yet another thing about yuto then it’s the fact that he has this need to prove others wrong about him

there was a kid in like fifth grade who totally ragged on him,, really made yuto feel like he wouldn’t amount to anything especially in baseball and ok sure he was a pretty scrawny kid at the time, a bit of a late bloomer in the puberty department but y’know everyone matures at their own pace physically and mentally

and anyway, it’s this very kid that has just driven yuto to do the very best that he can even if that means overworking himself and only really putting baseball first

because of that, his grades are pretty mediocre which is funny because he just about calculates and figure just how much he can get away with slacking over just to do the bare minimum

it works though,,, his teachers can’t complain since he is putting in effort and his coaches don’t mind so long as he’s getting the required gpa and coming to practice (which he does almost religiously)

and it’s just really remarkable that this sole drive just to prove someone wrong and get back at them for really doubting him drives him that much

his life has always been shrouded in doubt and insecurity and lots of belittlement and out of everything,,, baseball has always offered some kind of comfort to him

he’ll just stand on that field, whether it’s turf or actual grass, and finds peace in all the screaming because the moment he takes his pitcher’s stance it’s like there’s this silence and everything goes still even during his wind-up and suddenly all this power is thrown into a measly pitch and it has people roaring over him

they didn’t care if he was too foreign or too scrawny or too whatever, they were there and they appreciated his skill and i think that’s all he’s ever really wanted as he grew up into the man he is now

instead of sticking to japan, he decided to take up a full-ride scholarship to south korea and when they announced that at the sports banquet he couldn’t help but feel this swell of pride even if that one kid couldn’t see it happen

it’s a rare sight but it made him smile that day because for once he was acknowledged y’know?

anyway, coming to south korea was almost a culture shock (not by a grand scale but enough that it threw him off balance for a while)

it brought on a dry spell for him because he didn’t have friends or anyone to really be there for him to lean on because he was literally alone and not even with someone he could properly communicate with

it was frustrating on the largest scale and it made him feel even more hesitant and angry to deal with anyone other than his roommate, wooseok, who (bless his soul) is a sweetheart and always invites him to hang or play videogames,,,, sometimes he humors the giant

it took time for yuto to get acquainted with the other eight boys in wooseok’s friend circle but it worked out in weird ways

although yuto can’t exactly socialize in a huge gathering, he would spend one on one time with each of them and found comfortable niches with each so he does have a soft spot somewhere behind all his hostility

he won’t admit it a lot either but he’s more of a shower than a teller

but ok, anyway, even tho his first half of the year in south korea has been a huge struggle, he’s used it to push himself athletically and that’s why he’s getting noticed a lot more by others

they’re still intimidated as ever and rumors come flying in all directions about him killing someone with his pitch and none of the students in the journalism club want to interview him for the paper lmao

there was one brave soul but he’s still pretty,,, shaken from yuto’s rbf and you were actually out in this really cool study abroad in japan about tech culture and reported your findings and,,,,

basically you’re literally the only one who hasn’t heard of yuto aka the hardest person to interview on the baseball team so when you heard about a job that no one was willing to take because it was too scary you were just like “LMAO LEMME AT IT”

that and because he piqued your interest

to say the least, you’re pretty made to be in journalism because you refuse to half-ass anything you do and if they want to do a piece on understanding adachi yuto, literally the hottest rising star on the uni’s baseball team, then dammit you’re gonna do it

so, that’s exactly what you do

you go and hunt him down and approach his coach about interviewing him whenever there’s free time because you’re respectful like that y’know and when the older man grins at you and gives you the ok, you approach him on the bench and kindly talk to him about doing an interview

that alone throws him off because 1) you’re not scared of him??? usually just approaching him is nerve wracking for everyone and anyone but here you are just sauntering over like it’s nobody’s business

he just acts like it’s nothing though, coolly saying, “yeah sure whatever - we can do it right now”

“now?” you ask this with some confusion since you usually have some pretty long, extensive interviews just to get a good piece out because that’s how you are - you’re thorough

not many people in the club agree with you since it’s almost like a waste of time to them but neither you nor do the editor care very much because you put out really good stuff

even some of the stuff you wrote in high school are still circulating around as examples of what one should do and your methods too

you’re not very black and white, you like grey areas and understanding concepts and people especially when they’re misunderstood and yuto is definitely no exception to that

so when he nods and simply says, “i know this won’t take long anyway, so why not right? we shouldn’t waste either of our time”

of course this throws you off,,, but you just nod and start off with some simple questions (to you) like what made him pursue baseball, how much he practices, what are some of his lucky items and pregame ritual habits, and like what are his goals as a player

like i said you’re thorough and even though you said these were simple, yuto was expecting things like “what’s your favorite part of playing baseball?” (pitching, duh) & “is mlb your goal for the future?” they’re pretty basic - during that first interview, he got even simpler things like what was his favorite color and what was his favorite base, and it made him hate that interview,,, significantly

the only redeeming factor of it was how cool they made him sound with his pitching speed record and that’s of course something he prides himself in but it felt so superficial and off,,, he didn’t like it

he didn’t quite feel belittled or anything but it made him disappointed that despite all his hard work,,, no one really cared enough to get to know him ya feel?

it’s silly but part of him working so hard is also for attention and that validation that he never vocally desires

so for you,,, to actually ask him things outside of his pitching speed record and what he plans outside of school and all that,,, is kinda nice

you can tell by the way he loosens up just a tad that he just has really high defenses and it makes you wonder why,, ,like by journalist instincts but genuine curiosity

and you get your answers (”this kid in school,” “four hours minimum a day,” “this keychain my mom gave me” (it’s this little pochacco bc she was like 99.9% certain that he would go into soccer LOL) and “chew hubba bubba gum - the kinda from the roll or it’s a no go, must wear something red SOMEWHERE, and the keychain has to be nearby”, and “surpass 105.1″) not that you’re in any rush because you really do like to get to know the people you’re interviewing

you’re the sort of person that believes in building connections with others - it’s really how one gets a good article and how to thrive in life like although you don’t talk to everyone you know / met on a daily basis you’d like to think that as long as those relationships weren’t superficial during that time you spent with them then it’s worthwhile

so you find all his answers really endearing and kind of cute even though it’s this stoic dude answering all your questions like he has other things to do and ofc you’re not even offended in the slightest because you understand that people get stiff over these things and it feels like people just haven’t been answering him the right questions anyway

but you being you, asks him the one questions he’s actually hoped to hear: “why 105.1?”

he grins at you, like a genuine one that actually blows you away because his cheekbones are so gloriously prominent and light is just shining in his eyes and honestly if you were a photographer you would’ve really liked to capture this moment but before he can answer his coach is calling him onto the field and he turns to you almost apologetically

but you wave him off with a grin: “guess this means we gotta continue this interview right?”

a flash of relief washes over his features before he gives you a brief nod, “guess so”

you have your tape recorder still going, an heirloom of your mom’s because she loved journalism just as much as you do before she had you and in a way you’re fulfilling this dream for the both of you, and instruct him to recite his number for you

he looks a little exasperated but he does it and grumbles a farewell before jogging back onto the field and you go back to your dorm to listen through the interview, wanting to be thorough, and when you get to the part where he recites his number you jot that down with a wide grin

because deep down you really do think yuto is great - you don’t know it with complete certainty but that brief interview was more than enough so you shoot him a text about meeting up on thursday

to which he replies quite quickly in an affirmation

when the two of you meet, it’s at the park by the school’s garden and it’s absolutely beautiful - you know it’s completely unfamiliar to many people because you really have to look so you wind up finding yuto just take him there and he’s kinda flustered about it but it’s cute on him

you take a moment to turn on your tape recorder and turn to him to ask the question you both left on

his answer: “it’s the world record for the fastest pitch but i want to have the fastest pitch”

there’s still a whole round of questions for him to answer and after a good hour of just bantering, you actually find him endearing and funny and really sweet beneath the brooding rbf

and the more he’s with you, the more he wants to open up even if it just for some interview because he feels acknowledged and appreciated

with you, there’s something different that stirs in his chest - the ease that he felt after getting acquainted with wooseok comes with you but even more so

he really likes the way the gardenias and lilies complement your features, how the sun shines on you two and you bask in it

for reasons beyond him, he’s actually kinda sad that after this he won’t see much of you because there’s still a lot he’d like to know and ask you but between answering your questions and thinking ahead, it’s hard to interject his own considering it’s his interview

and tbh you’re pretty sad about it too but that sort of thing doesn’t hit you until it’s over and you’re playing the tape recording over and suddenly it’s like,,,, well, you want to know more about yuto

so you make a decision

after you’re done with the piece, you hit yuto up and let him read the manuscript and he’s in freakin’ awe because no one has ever really talked about him in the way that you did and he just turns to you and says “thank you” in the most sincerest voice and your heart truly feels like it might fall out of your chest

you just tell him that “it was my pleasure” because it really was!!

a small moment passes between you two, but wooseok comes in and you two get embarrassed so you excuse yourself to go prepare for the final publishing

wooseok totally teases yuto btw but one glare from the latter has the former cackling before he goes off into the shower

“you’re so whipped dude”

“shut. up.”

“it’s the truth~~~~~~”

“sleep with one eye open, woo”

when it gets published, everyone is freakin’ amazed ofc and those who read the piece actually get some proper insight on the misunderstood baseball player, and you hand deliver a copy to him because you’re so freakin’ ecstatic and proud because everyone loved it and it looks so great and

well yuto is really happy and seeing happy is an absolute blessing

as flustered as he is, he actually expresses a better expression of gratitude and tells you that “no one has ever done something like this for me and i really, truly appreciate it”

you can feel your heart thudding and your throat closing up because he continues “and honestly, you’ve been on my mind like crazy y/n”

all you can manage is a “why?” but he’s relieved to see blush dusting on your cheeks

“because i want to get to know you and i want to understand you and i-” he whispers the last half: “thinkyou’rereallycute”

you’re almost in shock but you’re too elated tbh and you embarrassingly say, “i think you’re really cute too,,,,”

so you both spend this impromptu first date wandering the park and going to the campus cafe and just talking but he lets you talk

in fact, he wants to know everything about you - why you started journalism and why you decided to take him on and what your favorite color is and what your favorite song is and all those little things that people tend to forget but him?

he remembers them

he remembers everything you tell him and he finds it so adorable how your nose scrunches and your features light up and how much you have to say even though you’re usually the one asking the questions

and it just feels so damn good to have someone show interest in you

like yeah sure you’ve made some strong connections and friendships but the way yuto asks you questions and absorbs your answers, even inputting his own feelings, you feel so happy because this isn’t some obligatory “tell me about yourself” it’s a genuine “please tell me more”

each day you two learn new things about each other too which is really great if you didn’t realize just how mischievous he is

LOL like it seems to be a hidden personality trait of his but you’ve come to find that being with yuto has become a series of getting soft pranked or just watching others get hardcore pranked and it’s kinda funny

you really wouldn’t expect it from him but the way he softly pranks you is just too adorable for you to get upset with

like well, the first time he ever told you he loved you, he steals your tape recorder from you - not really steal it but one minute it’s on your desk and another it’s in his hands and he’s fumbling with it but he manages to record over the blank tape and goes “y/n, did you know you’re an amazing person?”

you can’t help but laugh because he has one of those sports newscaster voice and feigned serious face as he holds the tape recorder out to you in wait of an answer so you just shake your head “no sir, i did not”

he grins, “well, did you know that i, adachi yuto, love you for being the amazing person you are?”

and even though his cheeks are so blatantly red and yours are too, you’re stunned

“i-i did not know that,,,,” and you lean in close and place your hand over his on the recorder and say, “but did you know that i, l/n y/n, love you too?”

and he just pulls you into the sweetest kiss because he just feels so goddamn happy with you, so content, and most of all, so understood

the rest of the boys are really grateful for you because as comfortable as yuto has been with them, you’ve made it much easier for him and his transition because of the article

a lot of the time, people will come up to him and talk about his stats and baseball which he’s actually happy to converse about

or even those people that kind of judged him at first, they’re not so,,,,, prejudiced y’know?

they have such a great insight on him as a player and it really is because of all the things you put into that article and you’re so damn proud of it

when you get thanked and welcomed into the group, they adore you man

they love how you aren’t afraid to tease yuto or go along with his playful antics and they love that you bring out this undeniably soft side to him that makes even wooseok go “awwww, my roomie has a heart~~” which is of course replied to with a glare that has even you giggling because that’s just how yuto is

like he’s still pretty intimidating looking but most of the school doesn’t think that as badly - it’s usually people on the street in the city

though there were a few people to stop you two because y’all just looked like The Aesthetic couple and it left you both really flustered

even as you both continue on in your relationship, there are moments where you just fluster each other because y’all just so damn cute and neither of you two can take it

but it works - everything between you just works and it’s kinda perfect in an odd little way

sometimes you bicker when he gets a little tsundere with you or if he pranks you a little too much (like hides your stuffed pochacco he won you at the fair very unfairly - poor milk bottle worker LOL)

in the end, you’ll both apologize because you’re both that hyperaware of your actions and you’re both very accepting too

you can pick up on things that he doesn’t realize and somehow he can do the same with you - with each other, it’s just.... right

you understand him and he understands you, and honestly, neither of you could ask for anything better than that~~~~

(also lemme just say that on one of your gifts to him was a badtz maru charm for his bat or anything really because it reminded you of him and how pouty he got but literally everyone agreed)

(he hung it btw and it’s considered his lucky charm because he got his pitching speed up to 95.6 mph!!!!!!!!)

#pentagon scenarios #pentagon fluff #pentagon fanfic #yuto scenario #yuto fluff #yuto au #pentagon au #pentagon yuto #kpop scenarios #emswriting

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harryhandhoe · 6 years

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92 truths tag :))

rules: say 92 truths about yourself and when you’re done tag some peeps

tagged by @harryandlouisofficial !!You’re so kind!!

LAST:

Drink: water

Phone call: momma

Text message: gc with my best friends

Song you listened to: where the skies are blue by the lumineers

Time you cried: um yesterday ((yikes))

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: in fifth grade but does that actually count lol

Been cheated on: haven’t had a legit bf so.. no thankfully

Kissed someone and regretted it: um no I’ve never kissed anyone :(

Lost someone special: sadly yes

Been depressed: no. I’ve been hecka sad but no I don’t think it qualifies as depressed.

Been drunk and thrown up: no

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: yes

Fallen out of love: no

Laughed until you cried: yes

Met someone who changed you: yes!!!

Found out who your true friends are: absolutely- my very best friends forever and ever<33

Found out someone was talking about you: yeah that was an icky situation that I like to forget happened

GENERAL:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: 3

Do you have any pets?: yes— 3 doggies and 2 kitties :))

Do you want to change your name?: no

What time did you wake up this morning: I woke up before noon today I was so proud

What were you doing last night: reading a lovely fic ;)

Name something you cannot wait for: I’m super hype to rush when I get back to school (highkey don’t wanna leave home tho) ALSO one of my best best friends come home tomorrow (omg today now that it’s after midnight ahhhh) so I’m pumped as heck to party with her

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: lol yeah my uncle’s name is Tom

What’s getting on your nerves right now: I should be tired but I can’t fall asleep :/

Blood type: umm idk rip I should prob know that

Relationship status: single (highkey wish I had a bf tho ugh)

Zodiac sign: aquarius

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite show: the office, friends, full house, pretty much anything on hgtv or hallmark lol, some other stuff that I can’t think of rn??

College: Virginia Tech #gokies

Hair color: darkish brunette

Do you have a crush on someone: uhh not really atm

What do you like about yourself: i really like my eyes and my smile!! It makes my day when someone compliments me about these things.

FIRSTS:

First surgery: I had tubes put in my ears a million times when I was little (does that count??) I also had foot surgery in 6th grade bc I had extra bone!!

First piercing: my first ear hole

First sport you joined: tennis when I was a youngin hahah

First vacation: to Charleston, SC when I was still in elementary school!! It was a huge deal haha it was my first plane ride and I got to stay in a house right on the beach ugh I loved it!

First pair of sneakers: hmm I don’t really remember lol

RIGHT NOW:

Eating: Christmas cookies

Drinking: water

I’m about to: attempt to go to sleep hopefully ugh

Listening to: the lumineers

Want kids: yes 100%!!! I always think 3?? But I don’t care how many I just definitely want babies :)

Get married: yes yes yesss

Career: hopefully physical therapist specializing in working with kids (I love kids sm gosh dang it)

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kisses: right now I feel like hugs bc I’ve never kissed someone I love so maybe someday this will change🤷‍♀️

Shorter or taller: I’m kinda tall so taller would be nice but it really doesn’t matter

Older or younger: Older?? But like with height if I love them it doesn’t really matter!

Romantic or spontaneous: I don’t really like surprises bc I get scared easily hahahah so prob romantic and I’m just highkey into romantic stuff

Sensitive or loud: sensitive

Hook up or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: I feel like I’m pretty hesitant unless I’m with my friends bc then I’m lowkey a troublemaker hahahahaha

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: no

Drank hard liquor: no

Lost contacts/glasses: yes

Sex on first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: I broke my boyfriend’s heart in 5th grade and he didn’t talk to me for the longest time hahahaha that doesn’t really count though

Been arrested: no

Turned someone down: yes

Fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE:

In yourself: sorta kinda?? I need to get better at believing in myself

Miracles: yes!!!

Love at first sight: yes I think so??

Heaven: 100% yes

Santa Clause: no… sadly this guy Jacob ruined it for me in elementary school smh

This is so exciting!! I’ve never done one of these before but it seemed fun and I can’t sleep so here she is!! Also I don’t have many followers other than my real life besties, a few other kind souls, and some nasty porn blogs ugh….. so I’m gonna tag a few peeps!!

@giraffehippieharry @lovelyyylukeee @harrycloseups @niallhgifs @reveriehs

Y’all don’t have to do this by any means but it may be fun for you too so here ya go :)

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dearllybeloved · 7 years

Text

Never Was The Same

A/N: Haiiiiiiiiii ;-; I wrote this bc-- I had the idea? But idk if it was really written out that well, but I guess you can be the judge of that buddy :”) Enjoy tho (Couldn’t think of a better title btw lmao) @theoutsidersweekend I hope its ok 2 tag :”)) bc-- yknow its Creator day and--

“Hey!” A six year old Johnny Cade smiled at his best friend, running towards him at the school playground. His friend smiled and waved, jumping down from the set of monkey bars he was previously sitting on.

“Hey Johnny!” The boy said, laughing a bit. He was a year older than Johnny, but they had met in school and connected right away. Johnny was bubbly-- cheery around his friend; it was like he was a completely different person when he was younger.

“Do you wanna go play?” The raven haired boy questioned, tilting his head a bit. His friend grinned at him, “Yeah!” And they both ran across the playground together, happy and content.

It was almost like they were inseparable. If one was around, the other wasn’t too far behind. They were joined at the hip.

It changed a bit as they got older, though.

Johnny had just started fifth grade and he was already feeling lousy. He hadn’t seen his friend at all for the first two weeks. The ten year old felt lonely, seeing as he never really befriended anyone in his own grade.

But then, as if fate was on Johnny’s side for once, he saw his friend again. During lunch, Johnny saw him hanging out with a bunch of other guys. They looked real fancy to Johnny. Even his friend, too, wore seemingly classier clothes than before. Johnny had only a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. It made him feel a little singled out, but nevertheless, he still ran up to his friend, smiling brightly.

“Hey, man!” Johnny blurted out, not noticing the dirty looks being given to him by the other guys. His friend looked a bit uncomfortable, and he stayed silent, looking back and forth between his friends and Johnny.

“Don’t you remember me? It’s me, Johnny! Your best friend?” Johnny added with a bit of a confused look.

“Oh… Yeah, hey Johnny.” He mumbled as one of the other guys shifted his focus onto Johnny’s friend. “You actually know him?”

His friend waved him off and rolled his eyes, “Just gimme a second.” He grumbled and the other guys left to go outside.

When they left, he and Johnny caught up a bit, and it seemed like everything was back to normal, albeit a little weird, considering his friend was acting a bit more distant-- but Johnny was happy either way.

Once Johnny was in eighth grade, he finally realized he wasn’t getting his friend back. They were in two completely different social groups. He was a soc.

It made Johnny sad, really. Every time they passed each other in the hall, his ‘friend’ acted like he never even knew Johnny Cade. Not so much as a simple glance.

“Hey, are you okay?” Johnny heard a voice mumble. He lifted his head in a bit of confusion to see green-gray eyes staring back at him. He looked a lot like him. Greasy hair, jeans and a t-shirt. Nothing like what his old friend would wear.

“Yeah… I’m just kind of upset.” Johnny shrugged and looked off to the side, “It’s nothing really though.” He looked at the kid again. He had reddish hair and looked to be about in 6th grade. The boy nodded, “Well, I hope you feel better. I’m here if you need to talk!” He held out his hand, “I’m Ponyboy. Ponyboy Curtis.”

Johnny smiled a bit, pushing some of his hair off of his forehead and shaking his hand, “Nice to meet ya, Ponyboy. I’m Johnny Cade.”

It was May of Johnny’s tenth grade year; the last day of school actually. It was at this point in time he knew he’d have to repeat tenth grade. He wasn’t exactly happy about it, but he was happy that school had finally gotten out. He knew that he would get to hang out with Ponyboy and the gang this summer, and he was pretty joyful about it.

Johnny was walking to the Curtis’ alone-- Ponyboy was at the moviehouse and Johnny just didn’t wanna go. He wasn’t really paying attention too well when he heard a mustang pull up, and four socs get out of the car.

A guy with quite a few rings on his fingers smirked at him, “Well, well, well-- if it isn’t a grease.”

Johnny’s stomach dropped, he didn’t know what to do or what to say. He looked down and tried backing away slowly.

The guy growled, “Where the hell do you think you’re going, Greaser!” He shouts, pushing Johnny to the ground. Johnny groaned a bit and looked up, and tears started to form in his eyes. The soc hadn’t punched him yet, but to his right stood his former best friend, Randy Adderson.

Randy had a sad look in his eyes, but it was quickly covered as the guy with the rings and the other two socs began to kick and punch at Johnny Cade.

#The Outsiders #Johnny Cade #the outsiders weekend

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scribblindown · 7 years

Text

The Chocobros' female S/O take them to an Asian house party

God I had too much fun with this.

Noctis:

Will hide out in the designated "kid's room" and play video games with your cousins until it's time to go out and eat.

A bunch of "You're so skinny! Don't they feed you at the Citadel?" comments from your grandmas and aunts.

They proceed to pile his loaded plate with even more food.

If he tells them that he doesn't eat vegetables they will give him the disapproving stare.

"Who raised this boy?" "Auntie, you can't judge the king's parenting skills."

Be prepared to be used as bragging rights by your mom.

"Oh, your daughter got into an Ivy League, and your son excels in his sport yet is able to keep his grades up? Well my daughter is dating the PRINCE--" "Mom p l e a s e."

If the party is bumping and lasts all night long, he finds out that there is only one room for all of the kids and teens. If this is his first time at one of your family's parties, your cousins will give him the bed. (Which means you get the bed too 😉.)

Gotta make a good first impression, especially since he's the prince.

But if this is his fifth or sixth time, screw good impressions. He's basically family now, so they will fight him for that bed.

A broken and bruised Noctis soon joins you and your pile of pillows and blankets on the floor.

Every time he goes downstairs to get food or something, his name will miraculously pop up in your aunts' conversation.

"Oh, he's so shy! It's very cute!" one of them titters as they switch over to English so he understands. He blushes and runs back up the stairs.

Gossip galore.

"Hey, are they talking about me—" "Yes."

He plays with your little cousins by carrying them and warping to another corner of the room. A little line of baby cousins will appear by his feet.

All of the uncles and aunts who always ask you, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" are stunned into silence when you bring Noctis, because they never believed you.

Your older cousins and uncles will drag him into a game of late night poker. I have a headcanon that he's secretly amazing at poker (and he will cheat from time to time using that sneaky materializing ability of his). He swindles your uncles and older cousins out of all their money.

In the end he uses some of that money to buy the kids ice cream from the store down the street, and gives your mom the rest of it.

He leaves with two large bags of leftovers, one for him, and one for Regis.

Prompto:

His first obstacle is getting over that sea of shoes at the front door. He almost always trips over your cousins' Nike shoes or your aunts’ heels.

At his first Asian party, he's so shocked that there's so many people. He comes from a small family, and his parents are barely even around, so it's so weird to see this sea of people.

"So all of these people are your aunts and uncles??" "I'm not quite sure tbh."

He gets ten times more "You're so skinny!" comments than Noctis. When he tells them that he likes to watch his weight, they will be like ? "What's there to lose???" The grandmothers will pat his stomach for that imaginary flab that they're looking for.

"Do you want to eat more?" >>Says yes even though he wants to explode. It's all just so good!

Your little cousins are already calling him Uncle Prommy.

Your drunk uncles drag him into karaoke. Even though he doesn't speak the language, he's a great singer and can mimic the pronunciation pretty well.

Blows everyone away because his voice doesn't suck???

It would probably end up like this (x)

He becomes part of your mom's "humble-brag." You don't have to suffer alone anymore.

"Oh, I didn't want her to date, but she told me that she loves him so much, so I couldn't say no! He's the prince's best friend and part of the Crownsguard, you know."

You, your cousins, and your siblings leave the party to walk to a boba place.

Prompto witnesses first-hand what a polite fight is like.

"No way, I'm paying! My mom already gave me the money to cover everyone!" "Come on, if I don't pay my mom is going to nag me again!" "Nice try! I have the card!" "No, no! Prompto, stop him!"

Prompto is kind of helpless in this situation, and he sees that the cashier is just waiting there as you and your cousins fight it out for the bill.

He decides that he should just go up and pay for everyone instead.

Your moms are going to kill you when they realize that the guest paid.

Gladiolus:

Is easily the biggest person at the party.

You never have to ask around for him, because he towers over everyone.

This is the first time a party didn't have any leftovers by the end, because Gladio eats it all.

“Gladio, I thought you said you were full.” “Eh, I can go for another plate.”

Will be ready to fight your family if they say that cup noodles aren’t real food.

But gets a lot of other instant ramen recommendations from your cousins.

Gladio has 1) a nice car 2) money and 3) tattoos so your ABG cousin will be on him like white on rice.

You will have to corner her when she is alone and say...

At the end of the party he has at least ten plans to workout with your cousins.

He shares tattoo stories with your uncles.

If your cousins let it slip that you used to take martial arts as a kid to your teens, you will throttle them later, because Gladio will now drag you with him on his morning workouts.

Everyone is kinda intimidated by him at first, but then he shows what a softie he is and he basically becomes a family member.

Your uncles and cousins gather around to talk and drink with him, and it's the first time you snoop around, because they always talk about girls/picking up girls.

You're going to be listening to every word to make sure that your man is in line.

You find him the next morning, crashed on the couch with your male relatives sporting hangovers.

Ignis:

Forces you to go to the party early so the two of you can help your mom and your aunts cook.

Aka he helps them out while you sit on the couch in the living room and laze around on your phone.

He's so tall, so your little cousins will hang off him.

Is overwhelmed by all of the new foods that he is eating.

You have to pause multiple times throughout your meal when he asks you what he's eating.

He comes up with a new recipeh every ten minutes, but is stopped by your grandma and aunt who will tell him how to make it authentically.

Shares recipes with the aunts all night long, with all of them fighting over who makes the better dish.

More "He's so handsome!" comments than you can count.

Then then look at you all dumbfounded bc how did you manage to nab someone like him?

The aunts go to your female cousins and be like, "When you finally get a boyfriend, get someone like him."

Will try to learn everyone's name and how they're related to you. You have to be like

because there's just so many people.

He speaks your language, so everyone stops in shock when he talks to them.

He's so polite and well-dressed that a rumor is passed around that he's going to propose to you that night.

You hear a passing comment that says that he chickened out last minute.

They still look at him disapprovingly sometimes when they learn that you two still aren’t engaged.

He has no problem finding his shoes at the end of the party, because he's the only one who would wear freaking designer loafers to the gathering.

It's also the only one that's neatly placed off to the side.

He's just lucky that it wasn't stolen.

#noctis #noctis lucis caelum #prompto #prompto argentum #gladio #gladiolus amicitia #ignis #ignis scientia #ffxv headcanons #ffxv imagines #asian parties #final fantasy xv

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ravnclaw · 7 years

Text

Many Questions

Thank you @sakura-studyblr for the tag!

LAST:

1. Drink: Water

2. Phone call: Dad

3. Text message: Mom

4. Song you listened to: I forgot but it was instrumentals from a movie

5. Time you cried: I don’t remember when, but I remember it was because of stress LOL

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: I’ve never dated and I don’t plan to until im older but you never know

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed either ahahah

8. Been cheated on: my dog ran to my friend first and i felt pretty cheated that day

9. Lost someone special: luckily i haven’t

10. Been depressed: idk

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i have never gotten drunk, and i hope i never will because i don’t like the idea of me doing something out of my control

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue

13. Purple

14. Grey/Silver

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes

16. Fallen out of love: I don’t think i have fallen in love?? like i have had crushes but never love

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah

18. Found out someone was talking about you: nope

19. Met someone who changed you: nah

20. Found out who your friends are: i’ve definitely realized who my true friends are

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them, some i don’t talk to anymore, but i have met them all irl before at one point (i hope)

23. Do you have any pets: i have a dog & i love him so much

24. Do you want to change your name: yeah i’ve been wanting to change it since i was in elementary!! i would probably just swap my first name (doah) and middle name (esther) since the second one is a more common name.

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i combined my birthday with my friend and we just inv people & ate food

26. What time did you wake up: 9 AM because i slept late reading ;-;

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: reading

28. Name something you can’t wait for: ok this sounds so lame but im actually pretty excited for school

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 20 minutes ago?

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my appearance

31. What are you listening to right now: silence

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeppp I have a childhood friend named Tom and the first time we met I bit him (we were like 4 ok don’t judge)

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: when people in your group projects don’t do anything, when people say they have OCD just because they don’t like when things are messy, when people don’t try to listen to you, etc.

34. Most visited websites: google

35. Mole/s: a lot

36. Mark/s: birthmark on my arm and a mini scar on my leg

37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a teacher but not anymore

38. Hair color: dark brown

39. Long or short hair: short but not too short

40. Do you have a crush on someone: at the moment, no

41. What do you like about yourself: my responsibility and my value of education

42. Piercings: ear piercing

43. Blood type: is it bad that i don’t even know my own blood type

44. Nickname: do, dola, doluh, etc.

45. Relationship status: very single

46. Zodiac: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV show: sherlock, hands down

49. Tattoos: none

50. Right or left hand: right handed

51. Surgery: none

52. Hair dyed in different color: i had highlights in the fifth grade LOL

53. Sport: i don’t play anymore but before i used to play tennis, basketball, and swim

54. no question so i will just

55. Vacation: i’ve been to korea but i really want to go to japan and london

56. Pair of trainers: i have one if that’s what this means

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: food

58. Drinking: water or tea

59. I’m about to: finish answering these questions

idk where #60 is

61. Waiting for: nothing

62. Want: to be successful, happy, and thankful. i want to help others and be able to support and give back to my parents.

63. Get married: depends. i would ideally want to get married, but if my education or work gets in the way, marriage will have to wait.

64. Career: i want to go into medicine and become a doctor. i’m not completely sure what type of doctor i would like to be, though.

65. Hugs or kisses: i do not enjoy physical touch too much, but i guess hugs

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: if this is talking about an ideal partner, i would say taller

68. Older or younger: older because i tend to enjoy talking to people who are older than me

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: what i would like in a partner: i really don’t care; what i would like for myself: nice stomach i guess

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitivity

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: nope

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: not permanently lost, but i have had moments where i can’t find them and i’m freaking out but they were on my table the whole time or something

77. Turned someone down: i’ve turned down offers/requests & i’ve turned down bois if that was what this was asking LOL

78. Sex on the first date: nope

79. Broken someone’s heart: i mean i guess if i did if any of the guys that liked me that i didn’t like back actually liked me a lot ?? i hope i never broke someone’s heart though

80. Had your heart broken: nah i’ve never confessed my feelings for someone or anything

81. Been arrested: lol no i hope i never am either

82. Cried when someone died: maybe fictional characters

83. Fallen for a friend: yep but i never told him

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: i believe i will get the results that match the amount of work i put in

85. Miracles: i know people in my family that experienced miracles so yes i do believe in them but i do not rely on them

86. Love at first sight: nope

87. Santa Claus: nope i was that one kid who doubted his existence since i was young HAHa, but i faked my belief so i could get gifts

88. Kiss on the first date: nope

OTHER:

89 is missing too

90. Current best friend name: tbh i don’t really have a best friend but i have many close friends that i would rather not name (is it just me? i consider a best friend only one person)

91. Eye color: same as my hair

92. Favorite movie: hmmmm this is hard. maybe la la land since it was different from many movies i watched or big hero six bc dang it was such an emotional movie

i’ll tag everyone who wants to do this! you can say that i tagged you if you want to answer these !!

#tag game #personal

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vamprefaggot · 7 years

Text

91 question tag

ayyee it’s ~alive~

i was tagged by the marvelous @yourlocalspacedyke so hERE WE GO The Last:

1. drink: coffee 2. phone call: ~i never call anyone oops~ 3. text message: friendo to make sure he wasn’t dying of family 4. last song I listened to: thomas’s new song 5. last time I cried: haha funny story i don’t like crying so,,, maybe a year ago?(help)

Have you ever: 6. dated someone twice: pfft nope 7. been cheated on: probably not? 8. kissed someone(and regretted it): ~nope~ 9. lost someone special: not yet but that’s less because people die and more bc i dont give a shit about my family and i have no friends 10. been depressed: i dont think so? like shit idk 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

List three favourite colours:

12. warm grey 13. greyish green? do you know the shade i mean? 14. pastel blue

In the last year have you:

15. nade new friends: yup and they’re all awesome 16. fallen out of love: ~wasn’t in love in the first place~ 17. laughed until you cried: nooo? 18. found out someone was talking about you: idk who would? so that’s gonna be a No 19. met someone who changed you: holy shit @planetninja we met in january didn’t we? tHAT WOULD BE A RESOUNDING YES THEN 20. found out who your true friends were: idk probably?

21. kissed someone on your facebook: ew no they’re all straight 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: like all of them? i rarely use facebook so i’m only friends with my former classmates wooo 23. do you have any pets: yes, five cats named Bubba, Ickle, Clara, Moo, and Hobbes. they’re all awful and i love them. 24. do you want to change your name: nah it’s pretty androgynous and i wouldn’t have the first clue what to change it to 25. what did you do on your last birthday: i think i just opened cool things from my parents and ate cake? 26. what time did you wake up: at six and then at eleven thirty after i fell back asleep 27. what were you doing at midnight: reading a real life book(le gasp) 28. name something you can’t wait for: oooo a wrinkle in time to come out in theatres its one of my absolute favourite books and the preview looks really good 29. when was the last time you saw your mother: she just walked past my room 30. what’s one thing you wish you could change about your life: um? my life is fine i just wish i could help some of my friends who are in abusive situations 31. what are you listening to right now: weedwhackers and this 32. have you ever talked with someone named tom: tf kind of question is this(and no) 33. something that’s getting on your nerves: aforementioned weedwhackers 34. most visited site(s): tumblr and youtube

School:

35. elementary: it was shit and i didn’t learn anything until i left to do half a year of homeschooling in fourth grade 36. middle: learned a lot, had no friends, had a straight relationship(wtf was wrong with me) everyone shipped me with a different dude? middle school was an adventure 37. high: well it’s going pretty well so far, i haven’t been banned from the college store(unlike some people i know), i’m ahead in most of my things? 38. college: ughhh i need to figure out what i’m doing in life first

Me:

39. hair colour: like blondish brown? if i spend time in the sun it goes more blonde but its just brown 40. long or short hair: shorrrttt but it’s getting too long for me wow 41. do you have a crush on someone: pfft no 42. what do you like about yourself: see this is an interesting question bc i do like myself, i’m relatively clever and, while i’m no means beautiful, i’m at least pretty in some sense of the word and i like my appearance, but(and yes i do always go on rants about how fucked up society is) the thing is we’re conditioned to think that liking anything about ourselves is vain and self centred, which is complete bullshit, and blah blah blah you get the gist of my ranting i hate people 43. piercings: just the ears 44. blood type: (x)(i’m kidding but i have no idea) 45. nickname: bean from my parents, blub from my friend(i really like that one ngl), i once called myself garbonzo lord of the hats and that’s now what my best friend calls me help 46. relationship status: single aS ALWAYS 47. zodiac sign: leo? 48. pronouns: ugh i’m using she/her right now but i think imma start using they/them bc i really dont like feminine pronouns but i’m clinging to them bc that’s what i was raised as isn’t that fun 49. favourite tv shows: doctor who, (i would say sherlock but ugh series four), galavant, i’m sure there’s more but i dont really watch tv 50. tattoos: none yet but i fucking love sleeve tats and i want all of them 51. hand: right handed and i was too lazy to type the whole question so

First:

52. surgery: y’know i’m not sure i’ve had one wooo 53. piercing: 10 bc i was in fifth grade 54. sport: a what now 55. vacation: florida, i’m pretty sure? 56. pair of trainers: i have a good memory but not that good wtf

Current:

57. eating: nothing 58. drinking: i need more coffee that’s for sure 59. i’m about to: get food and coffee 60. listening to: (x)

Future:

61. waiting for: more rain hopefully 62. want: to go back to sleep but i’ll settle for ice cream 63. married: i honestly have no idea, maybe? 64. career: maybe nursing but i’m leaning towards tattoo artist

Your type:(my what now)

65. hugs or kisses: idk probably kisses bc i’m not a huge hugger 66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: i’m holding out for taller bc i’m short and that sounds nice 68. older or younger: idk just close to my own age 69. nice arms or nice stomach: wtf 70. sensitive or loud: idk?? what’s the situation? what does this even mean? 71. hook up or relationship: probably relationship? 72. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker?? idk i think i’m hesitant enough on my own 73. kissed a stranger: um? 1. social fucking anxiety 2. why the hell 74. drank hard liquor: lol no 75. lost contacts or glasses: nope i’m pretty damn careful with my glasses(even if i get two pairs every year bc my vision is on a constant decline) 76. turned someone down: you’re implying someone’s asked 77. sex on the first date: haha not in any way shape or form thanks 78. broken someone’s heart: i fucking hope i ripped it out of their chest and stomped on it(no i dont i’m sorry) 79. had your heart broken: noooo?? 80. been arrested: pfft no 81. cried while someone died: no? i dont think so? there was one time we thought my uncle had died(surprise he didn’t) and i could not stop sobbing and that was? years ago? 82. fallen for a friend: shhhhhhyeshhhhhhh

Do you believe in:

83. yourself: in what context bc yes i believe i exist in this dimension right here right now but do you mean like in terms of goals bc? lol no 84. miracles: nope 85. love at first sight: lust, yes, but love? not a snowflake’s chance in hell sugarbeet 86. santa claus: never have 87. kiss on the first date: that’s less of a believe but sure why the hell not 88. angels: lol not unless they’re the eightheaded demon monters described in,, the old testament? maybe? certainly not the white, dressed in flowing white robes and blonde with pure wings bullshit.

Other:

89. current best friends name: josh, @loffelhaxe fIGHT ME YA SHIT 90. eye colour: brown 91. favourite movie: fuck

holy shit i survived that(can you tell where i started to get bitter about halfway through) but thanks again to Charlie, for tagging me, and now i must choose my victims. @killjoys-rejoice, @seapancakephan(i know we haven’t talked but), @nonbinarydivinity, @squishybreams, @loffelhaxe(yes i’m making you do this fight me), @heckinhowell, @thealphafoxwrites, and @planetninja hAVE FUN

#holy fuck it posted #gah that took like an hour and a half #i need more coffee aGAIN #~kona does life~

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spnife · 7 years

Text

91 question tag

Tagged by @vanillabeanniall and then @uswntinharmony

More below the cut bc that’s how I roll

the last –

1. drink: Arizona Tea

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my mom - she sent me two climbing videos. Or I sent them to me, from her phone

4. song i listened to: What a feeling, but I was asleep (i checked the music app just now), so the last song I remember hearing is Ray of Light by Madonna

5. time you cried: wednesday. First day of school was today so it was some stress

have you ever – 6. dated someone twice: yeah

7. been cheated on: yeah. I became friends with the guy though. Similar tastes I guess??? (( Actually I blocked him on snapchat last year bc he was talking some bs on his story but in eigth grade he wasn’t awful)) She lied abt it though and then talked to me two years later and still lied like okay

8. kissed someone and regretted it: no ragrets

9. lost someone special: not really

10. been depressed: fuck hell yep

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no. I had like a sip of beer on a trip but it was just to mess with a dude while he was in the porta potty

list 3 favorite colors – 12. light blue

13. orangish pink

14. dark purple

in the last year have you – 15. made new friends: heck yeah. I switched schools and found a really good group of people there already. It’s been alright

16. fallen out of love: not in the last year. gotta be in love first

17. laughed until you cried: probably but I don’t remember rn

18. found out someone was talking about you: I think? I found out parents were saying nice things about me. Mean wise maybe? I’m not really sure. Probably

19. met someone who changed you: at least one. a teacher last year

20. found out who your true friends were: i think?

more – 21. kissed someone on your facebook? alas, i do not have a facebook

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? see 21

23. do you have any pets? A super sweet black lab named FeeBee, a kitten named Mulder and a cat named Milo, and a hedgehog named Wembly

24. do you want to change your name? i like my name. My last name bothers me sometimes bc dad stuff but it’s gotten better

25. what did you do on your last birthday? I had a chill day at school, got a nice car, got a card from all of the kids on the climbing team. One of them said “Wow Coach Ella, you only have two more years til you can drink,” like i’m sorry kid I’m only 16

26. what time did you wake up? 7. first day of school

27. what were you doing at midnight? crying and putting school stuff in my backpack and watching VEEP

28. name something you can’t wait for: to keep getting better at climbing, the Harry Styles concert on oct 11, my birthday on oct 13 bc it should be fun and I hope I’ll get another card from the climbing team bc they’re all lovely

29. when was the last time you saw your mother? today

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life? i want to know that I’ll be able to be happy

31. what are you listening to right now? watching Raising Hope

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yep

33. something that is getting on your nerves? I keep getting anxiety while I’m at climbing practice and that’s one of my most comfortable places. it feels like im going downhill with climbing even though I know im getting better

34. most visited site: netflix

school – 35. elementary: i loved my elementary school. every teacher i had was amazing, small school in austin and a good community and i still talk to my friends from there. so when i moved to the new school in fifth grade and depression was already showing up, the differences made it literally hell. it was awful. i didnt like my teachers and i didnt know people

36. middle: 6th grade was hell, 7th grade was even fuckin worse, 8th was still pretty bad. All the worst years of my life so far, and tbh it’s gonna be hard to top them

37. high: better than middle school but thats a really fucking low bar. like incredibly low.

38. college: planning for ACC for two years to get base courses, dream school UT in an engineering major. I love the school and the program there, but I worry if I could barely get through middle school, how tf am I supposed to survive college. Also it didn’t feel great when I was talking to a friend and I was like “yeah ut is tbh my dream school, if I can get in” and she was like “oh that’s one my last choice colleges” like fucking okay love you thanks for telling me that makes me feel real good about my intelligence and how you view me

me – 39. hair color: brown

40. long or short hair? shoulder length

41. do you have a crush on someone? yep. according to a friend i am “so gone for this girl” but um. oka y what if she doesn’t like me? I feel good around her though and she likes being around me and we work well together I think. She’s lovely and I wouldn’t want to make things weird by asking her out if I don’t know she feels that way too.

42. what do you like about yourself? I am able to figure things out and I work with kids really well. I’ve also been getting better at climbing again so I’m proud of myself for that

43. piercings? just my ears

44. blood type: lol yeah like i know?

45. nickname: ellallalala is something I’m getting from people at the new school, and I’ve had some climbing nicknames over the years but Coachella is sticking. I coach and my name is Ella it’s great

46. relationship status: nope

47. zodiac sign: libra

48. pronouns: she/her

49. favorite tv show(s): always sunny, parks and rec, my name is earl, curious george

50. tattoos: soon

51. right, ambidextrous, or left-handed? right

first – 52. surgery: i had one on my pelvis in 2013? i was in preschool and it was for this weird group of veins on the side of my leg. We’d always called it a birthmark and after the surgery the scar looked like a sunset over water but the sun is purple (still looks like that it’s rad) and the first time someone showed me a birthmark i was like??? Um no thats just a little dark bit of skin?? my birthmark is purple what is this shit

53. piercing: ears

54. sport: rock climbing. found it early and still love it

55. vacation: no idea

56. pair of trainers: first i remember are a PAIR OF DORA LIGHT UP SHOES

current – 57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: arizona tea

59. i’m about to: finish my arizona tea

60. listening to: the episode ended so me typing and the clock my great grandmother gave is

future – 61. waiting for: me to feel alright

62. want: to like what i’m doing and to know i’m able to be happy doing it. I wish I could just skip to being married with kids and a dog and everything.

63. married: oh for sure

64. career: astronaut has always been my dream career but with this level of anxiety it’s probably a no go. I am not over it. I’m def gonna cry abt it in a couple of minutes bc thats how it goes, ya know. The last astronaut I talked to though said “the biggest disqualifier is not applying” so i’m still going to try my hardest. I also love engineering and physics and space and science and education and would love to be a librarian, so we’ll see

your type –   65. hugs or kisses? depends

66. lips or eyes? eyes, i guess. There’s more character there

67. shorter or taller? in my head i’m always like oh taller but really it doesn’t matter. as long as i can be little spoon im good to go

68. older or younger? doesn’t matter

69. nice arms or nice stomach? tummies are cute i guess.

70. sensitive or loud? i don’t know

71. hook-up or relationship? right now relationship and at some point relationship but ask me a couple months ago and it would have been different

72. troublemaker or hesitant? both. troublemaker with a lot of decisions but in fun ways, but hesitant when it comes to talking to new people that i want to be good friends with. and asking people out

73. kissed a stranger? yep. on a bet

74. drank hard liquor? had some jack daniels mixed with coffee and it tasted like cinnamon toast crunch

75. lost contact lenses/glasses? my glasses always turn up

76. turned someone down? yeah. accidentally on a few though lol. As i had a crush on someone i went out with for a little while last yeah legit three other people liked me and i guess im oblivious bc i had no fucking idea

77. sex on first date? depends

78. broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so

79. had your heart broken? yes but in a friendship way along with the relationship. it goes back to the you should kill yourself stuff

80. been arrested? nope

81. cried when someone died? no one i’ve known closely has died. My great-great grandmother died when i was fiveish but she was really old. There have been a few suicides at my old school (i switched 2 months before end of last year) and those hit hard, just knowing that there are so many people here dealing with that stuff and me relating to it. I didn’t know the people well but we’d spoken and I knew them some, but I had some friends who were much closer and really affected

82. fallen for a friend? yeah

do you believe in – 83. yourself? i try

84. miracles? shit happens, and sometimes it’s good

85. love at first sight? who am i to say tbh

86. santa claus? no

87. kiss on first date? if i like them

88. angels? no

other – 89. current best friend’s name: skip

90. eye color: hazel

91. favorite movie: i dont know im tired and want to cry sort of so maybe i shouldnt think about this stuff as much when im already stressed im going to go drink more tea and eat some soup

Anway

I’m tagging anyone who reads this far. gotcha

#about me #mine

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their-misplaced-wings · 3 years

Text

Long letter to myself about growing up trans without knowing it and accepting myself and sharing bc pride inspired it so #happypride

tw: mentions of self hate, self harm, and some other stuff that might be stressful but it doesnt get specific or graphic

Dear me,

I know Pre-k is scary. I know that you’re worried about change and how much your life is going to be different. Sorry to tell you that happens every school year, and it happens every time there’s a change in your adult life too. It’s okay. I know that when the class is playing house the other kids tell you that you can’t play-pretend to be the dad, the uncle, or the brother so you decide to be the pet- either cat or dog you don’t care. I know that you become friends with two boys and don’t really ever pay attention to the girls in the class unless they speak to you first. I know that you prefer Pokemon, Power Rangers, playing in the creek, and riding the four wheeler to dolls or dress up. I know that even your friends and cousins would tell you that you had to be the pink or yellow Power Ranger when you were playing and wouldn’t even let you pretend to be Blue and you all hated the Blue one. I know it made you want to cry because it was the time you got to pretend to be anyone you wanted and they were still trying to fit you into a role that you didn’t get to choose. I know that you didn’t understand exactly why, because how could you? You were five and everyone told you were a “tomboy” like that was supposed to explain everything. It’s okay.

Dear me,

I know everything became more confusing in third grade when the nice fifth-grade girl became your friend. I know that she was so nice and you thought she was pretty. I know that made you think there must be something wrong with you. Not only because you had a crush but because you wondered why you didn’t look pretty like her if you were both girls. I know that she made you feel like you were an imposter but you didn’t have that word to use to express yourself. I know that you were secretly angry when she told you she had a crush on your neighbor and I know we didn’t know why we were angry at the time so we played the role we were given and encouraged her. I know that you lied when she asked you if you had a crush on any boys. I read our diary about that a few years later and I know we just copied girls in our grade and said we had the same crushes. It’s okay.

Dear me,

I know that fourth-grade is the worst so far. You were told that you had to start being friends with girls and when your friends that had been sleeping over for years slept over now you had to wear shorts to bed. I know you thought they were idiots because why would you and your friend even think that about each other? No one had told you anything yet but there were new rules now because he was a boy and it was no longer appropriate. I know that the girls that you tried to be friends with were mean and made fun of you because you weren’t like them. I know that they made you watch movies you didn’t want to because they were scary and they laughed at you when you cried. I know that they wanted to shop at Claire’s and do their nails and that when they talked you really never listened to them because you didn’t understand.

I know that when you started playing softball instead of tee-ball you felt so incredibly overwhelmed and out of place. I know that when you started to make friends with the other people on the team that liked wearing boys clothes, liked cartoons and playing outside you finally felt a little more at ease and felt like you really had friends since the boys from Pre-K stopped talking to you.

Dear me,

I know that sixth grade is even worse than fourth and fifth. I know that all of the girls you made friends with acted like they had never known you. I know that you loved having your friends from softball at school at least. I know that it changed when your one friend said they wanted to kill themselves so you told your mom. I know that she freaked out and never spoke to you again. I know that until your teacher reached out about joining the DI team you felt so incredibly lonely. It’s okay. I know that you became great friends with a girl that was silly like you and that you spent two years closer than anyone could possibly be, you thought. I know that when she went to high school you didn’t think anything would change. I know that you made another friend who felt and acted like you in your grade and you guys grew so close. I know that they were your lifeline and that you still felt lost. We’re still friends today so really it’s okay.

Dear me,

I know you lost everything including yourself in eighth-grade. I know that you feel like a shell and there is no one around to care. I know that when that man killed your dog you were so beyond broken that we became angry and numb to handle the pain, anger, fear, loneliness, confusion, and self-loathing. It’s okay. I know that the school counselor told you we have Depression and you felt like you committed a crime. I know that we cried and she accused you of proving her right. I know that you were so afraid you were going to be in trouble that you told Her we were fine and the counselor was exaggerating. I know that the poems we were writing were exaggerated versions of the very real truth. I know that the counselor failed so miserably that we no longer trust any of them again.

Dear me,

I know that you never really processed being in ninth-grade, or really tenth for that matter. I know that even though you had been friends for years, your friend that was a year older started to treat you like you were the most annoying person in the world out of the blue. I know that she dug into every insecurity you had about yourself and you still couldn’t hate her. I know you screamed into the woods asking what you did wrong and that you were so afraid to talk to her in case she made you feel worse about yourself. I know it left you confused and hollow even when you thought you couldn’t be any more than you had been for years.

I know that you stared at yourself in the mirror every night, sobbing, scratching, and hating yourself. I know that you wondered why you weren’t pretty and why you didn’t look like other girls or feel like other girls must feel. I know you wondered why no boys liked you and what must be wrong with you. I know you hated your chest. Sorry to say that doesn’t go away.

Dear me,

I know the past few years you wish you hadn’t been born. I know you’re too afraid to hurt the people you love to do anything like that though. I know really you just wish how you’re feeling would just stop for a minute so that you can breathe. I know that eleventh-grade is the hardest academically, socially, and personally so far. I know that you felt like He hated you and was disappointed in you. I know that you were afraid of him and that no one took you seriously. I know that he had a way of looking at you that made you feel five again. I know he never hurt you but his threats were enough to have you living in fear. I know that She was so busy dealing with her own things that She didn’t really see. I know that you carved PERFECT at night because at least you could control that much. I know that you thought something was wrong with you. It’s okay.

Dear me,

I know senior year is big. I know that you were so tired of the fog and the self-hate and the tears that you finally were brave enough to talk to your doctor. I know that all he did was give you a giant prescription and sent you on your way. I know that they start to help but I know that they also start to take away our personality. I know that we start to care less about everything. I know that we feign confidence because the dose is too high and the doctor never bothers to change it or recommend a therapist. I know that eventually we lose that little last bit of ourselves and just start copying others. I know that we don’t care where we go to college. I know that we don’t care what our major is. I know that we really just don’t care anymore. That’s okay.

Dear me,

College really did a number on us. I know that we wanted to feel loved and supported so badly that we didn’t focus on learning. I know that we started talking to every boy we thought was cute. I know that they were all trash bags. I know that the first boyfriend was charming but judged you. I know that we changed to share his interests because then he wouldn’t leave us like our friend had right? I know that we know he cheated on us but we were so insecure that we ignored it or forgave him. I know that he broke our heart. I know that we were so broken again that we let ourselves listen to the next one. I know that we let that one break us more. I know that it felt so great to be needed and loved that we ignored all the signs and the fighting. I know that we let him tell us what to do and how to act. I know that we went off our medication because of his conspiracies. I know you told him you were depressed and he yelled at you. I know that you were as afraid of him as you were for him. I know we left in the middle of the night and he walked to our campus the next day. I know you tried therapy to process the abuse but I know it brought up too many things we weren’t ready to process.

Dear me,

I know that we’re doing so much better now. I know that this One has been helping us heal. I know that he’s teaching you so many things and that we’re starting to understand things about ourself. I know that there are new terms that we’ve learned and new identities that we never even fathomed. I know it’s overwhelming but I promise it’s okay. I know that when you tell the One about ourself it feels like an answer. I know that it was scary to ask him to use neutral pronouns despite knowing that he would understand. I’m so glad that we did. I know that we’re still healing, understanding, and processing everything and that some days are easier than others. I know that we wish we had know all of this about ourself back in elementary school but we have made it this far and we will keep growing. We’ll be okay.

#personal growth #Trans #nonbinary #letter to myself #queer pride #pride month #dear me #growing up queer

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