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jmdbjk · 1 year

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Are they or aren't they?

I know I'm not the most jikook-centric blog around here and I don't go on and on about them every time content drops. (Or do I? 🤔)

I am not here to convince anyone of anything. I just say what I think about what I see and that's pretty much all there is to it.

I guess I take it for granted that most see what I see and it’s not necessary for me to point out the obvious all the time.

But for some reason today, I started thinking about Jimin and Jungkook and what they are to each other and how that has manifested itself to us this past year. Even though we see very little of it all, speaking for myself, I still see what I see and its all fine.

A super-long ramble:

The past year's solo era has definitely been an eye-opener for me as far as learning more about ALL the member's individual personalities, of how they work and how they view each other.

As far as Jimin and Jungkook, as time goes on, I don't sense anything that makes me feel whatever they are to each other has diminished at all. If anything, I feel like it is even more intense.

It is not so much what I see between Jimin and Jungkook because dang, there has not been very much to see with them in the same room has there?

But if we aren't seeing them together, I just sound delulu right? I just said I say what think from what I SEE... how can I see anything, you ask?... well...

Hear me out...

I see Jungkook figuring out this new phase himself... he has said in the past he still had some maturing left to do. I think he has shown us plenty of his true self and maturity this past year.

We know all this because he's shared a lot with us via his lives. He's been living his introverted life his way until its his time to get to work.

He likes to cook. He likes to watch TV. He loves to sing. He's keeping up with his boxing training. He has a goofy sense of humor. He's trying to be a normal person and go out in the world and eat at restaurants and attend concerts and hang out with friends. We've seen him being his "rebellious" 25 year old self. We know he has serious stalkers and he is very direct about it. He shows no fear to us.

We know he's most comfortable when he knows we are there with him. Unfortunately we've also seen him suffer through loss and we've seen him working through some feelings that have made him emotional. We've seen quite a bit from JK.

He has spoken to us about serious things and not so serious things. He is very good at phrasing things and expressing things clearly.

Jungkook is figuring it all out.

Kookie has spent a lot of time showing us himself and where he lives. He has had a lot of time to do so.

I see Jimin, on the other hand, has returned to being somewhat more like the Jimin we knew before the pandemic. The perfectionist workaholic. Also a new (to me) layer of sweetness and gratitude that exudes from him no matter where he is, interacting with fans at a radio station, in the audience of a performance, interacting with others in general and during his lives or just walking through the airport, Jimin is thankful for it all. This extra-strength gratitude manifests itself in the way he takes his time to thank just about EVERYONE and how he always seems genuinely surprised to see the outpouring of love.

Earlier last year it was obvious to me (me who pays very close attention to Jimin) that he was not himself. During photoshoots and promotion recordings he was not engaged. His mind was elsewhere. They all looked less than thrilled don't you think?

But since about last October, Jimin has been the happiest I've seen him in AGES during his lives. His music is making him happy. Working is making him happy. He says it at least once during every live: "I am happy."

And the sassy has returned. Jimin is SO HAPPY that we are seeing the re-emergence of a more assertive Jimin during a live broadcast! We haven't really seen this Jimin since... a long time.

This most recent live, I see a Jimin who is doing well and taking control of his life again. A Jimin who knows what is coming and is going to meet it head on.

From what I've seen, I can say that Jimin and Jungkook's time together was most probably curtailed this past year. I think a lot of people agree with that assessment. We infer this because Jimin was working his ass off and therefore he was elsewhere busy with schedules. I think the bulk of this was for his Face album but he was also busy with his new brand ambassador responsibilities. Side note: I saw that Robert Pattinson was getting $12 million dollars for his deal with Dior so I think its safe to say Jimin is getting at least that if not more for his deal. And he also has the Tiffany deal... Jimin is doing very well...

So where does this leave any sort of relationship (whatever it may be) between Jimin and Jungkook? How can they be "together" if that is what they are? Or how can they even be "close"?

JK has made it clear and obvious that he is very thrilled to see Jimin commenting during his lives. We've all seen it. He spontaneously combusts when he would see Jimin commenting.

[When someone commented that Jimin did not come live to tell us the Rainy Day Fight story so Kookie proceeded to spill the tea.]

My opinion from what I see: I think JK started looking for Jimin in the comments after a few times of having him show up there. I think he craved the interaction with Jimin. The knowing that Jimin was aware of him and took the time to acknowledge means something to JK.

And finally it clicked and Kookie realized "wow, turn on notifs and I too can know when JM goes live!" And so he did when Jimin was in the car and JK proceeded to have a full blown conversation while Jimin was on his way home from work.

When Jimin's album release date got closer Jungkook was giving us spoilers of some of Jimin's work via some of the songs on the playlist while doing a live broadcast. We weren't aware those were spoilers until Jimin's album and other songs came out: Muni Long, JVKE, the butterfly hair twisty thingy, playing Letter on the guitar... and then just outright telling us something amazing was coming out at midnight when Set Me Free Pt. 2 dropped.

... something amazing... I'm pretty sure JK knew how much work Jimin put into this first album and what it meant to Jimin to purge some emotional demons that had been plaguing him for some time. I would even say that JK was proud of Jimin and therefore, made sure to hype it up even though we saw that JK had some sort of emotional moment by himself on White Day back in March.

The lives progressed into Jungkook just outright spending either the entire live or big chunks of time totally ignoring Armys and focused solely on Jimin content.

He turns on a live because there is some sort of comfort to him knowing Army is present and then he turns his attention to Jimin...

He does all of that on purpose. Without just saying the words: "I adore Jimin and support him wholeheartedly" he has proven that he feels that way with his actions. He figured out a way to express this even when Jimin was who knows where.

If he didn't want us to think that, he wouldn't have done what he did, would he? Why would he spend so much time focused on Jimin?

We know JK's stopped having a presence on social media except for Weverse. And using just Weverse Live, he's been able to accomplish more visible support for Jimin than any other member has shown for any other member during this solo era.

And if he's doing all of this on Weverse, what else is he doing behind the scenes, in person, with Jimin?

We know they spent time recording Run BTS episodes last year.

We know of at least one instance of JK visiting Jimin while he was working hard.

Having Jungkook's support is probably one of the best feelings for Jimin.

"But Jimin asked JK to visit again and JK said 'no'." And yet JK contradicted himself telling Jimin he'd come to a music show recording but Jimin said it was too late, and that it was ok because JK had already visited him during this dance practice above.

"Jimin said that JK has not cooked ramyeon for him yet." Jimin also said it is off limits, he's eating a high protein diet. JK has also mentioned in the last year that he should be eating less gluten so sounds like they both avoid the type of noodles that are high in carbs and gluten. FYI: "ramen" is technically the Japanese style noodles with a milder flavor and "ramyeon" is the Korean version which is spicier. I have a habit of calling it "ramen" when I mean "ramyeon".

"Jimin doesn't hug JK like he does Hobi." Uh... yeah he does:

And then we have started seeing this pattern... coincidence? Not anymore... of Jungkook coming on live right after Jimin has left the country. And then we get the same thing from Jimin the other day after Jungkook leaves.

My opinion from what I've seen:

These two are very close and have worked out how they deal with separation. They spend time together when they can. When they can't they share things like everyone else does, by texting and phone calling and face timing and all that.

From what I've seen them say during their own lives, I think they spend time together talking about work. I especially think JK has participated in helping Jimin rehearse, practice and just generally hanging out. I think they spend time eating together and watching tv or youtube together.

I think they are fine and are navigating their relationship (whatever it is) very well, regardless of their careers and impending military service, existing as global superstars as well as being normal day-to-day Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin. They are making it work because they've been doing this for at least ten years already.

So, long ramble to say, I will continue to not state the obvious every time we see something, because to me, its obvious everything is going well for them.

#long ramble #if you made it this far thank you for reading the obvious #jimin #jungkook #jikook #kookmin #chapter two and all that #its obvious and if you think they are playing hide the sausage #well good for them #and if they aren't good for them too

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bellysoupset · 1 year

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I know this has nothing to do with emeto but I'd like to request a fic1... Jonah comes home from a rough shift at the hospital and he's irritated and in a bad mood so he gets into an argument with Leo...

TW: death, but only as context for Jonah's behavior, if you don't wanna read that jump the first 3 paragraphs. Be warned, this one is a punch.

Don't get emotionally involved was one of the first things they learned in med school. There was a reason why first years were obligated to do 30 hours in palliative care. By then they weren't expected to do anything more complicated than shadow the head nurse, but the whole point was so they would get used to the concept of death.

Except you don't get used to that idea, or at least Jonah didn't, not when it was a 10 year old. His little patient had been a difficult case, so he wasn't exactly his, Dr. Peters - Jon's supervisor - was much more involved than normally. Still, Jonah did the majority of the visits and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't invested in the boy's well being.

Then they had lost him, halfway through a seizure. Jonah had clocked out shortly after, Dr. Peters telling him to go home, but instead Jonah had spent a good hour gagging over the toilet, until he was completely empty.

The drive home was a blur, Jonah felt completely disconnected from his body, mind still back in the hospital. He wasn't sure what time it was anymore, nor did he care. He just wanted to sleep this horrible day off and hopefully be able to get back to work tomorrow and actually help someone... Save someone...

"Oh there he is," Leo's voice brought him back to the present. Leo's furious voice.

"What?" Jonah kicked the door shut and stripped off his coat by the door, frowning at his boyfriend. He wasn't even expecting him to be in the apartment, Leo had been spending a lot more time in his dorm, since graduation was coming at a fast pace and he had a lot of work to hand in.

"I've been texting you," Leo scoffed, crossing his arms. Jonah didn't have the energy to grab his phone and check. He left it muted during work so he could hear the pager and he hadn't been bothered to check all day.

"Uhm," Jonah yawned, rubbing his eye, "whatever for?"

"Really Jon?" Leo sounded hurt, "look at me."

He forced himself to look and frowned. Leo looked fine, "you look fine... I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

"Wow," Leo raised his eyebrows, blue eyes sparkling, "we had a date tonight, remember? In that stupid fancy place you like? I sat there for nearly two hours waiting for you!"

So that was what he meant, Jonah cringed, noticing Leo was indeed wearing formal clothes.

"Oh shit... I forgot, I'm sorry-"

"I work in the afternoon and I have two different papers to hand in tomorrow and you said you wanted to see me, so I went to the date instead of finishing my papers... Look at me!"

Jonah hadn't realized he had looked away or tuned him out, he just... He didn't feel well. He was emotionally drained and he felt sick and hollow.

"I'm sorry," he grumbled, rubbing a hand over his face, "but tone down the histrionics, will you? You have 90% of all your work done, you're just a perfectionist."

Way to go, he thought sarcastically as his words made Leo flinch as if he had been slapped.

"It doesn't fucking matter if I have 90% done or 0% done, the point is I made time for you and you fucking ditched me in a restaurant," Leo glared at him, "and now you're acting like an entitled prick."

"Okay Leo," Jonah rolled his eyes, his head throbbing and at this point he'd trade anything for just some fucking peace, "okay. I'm sorry, you're right, you're perfect, as always, can I go the fuck to sleep now?"

"You're a dick," Leo sighed, looking defeated. Jonah shrugged, even if he was feeling more and more like he was about to keel over, queasiness washing over him.

"Okay Leo," he repeated through his teeth, eyes burning, "are you leaving now?" his voice broke at the last syllable. Leo's presence had been a surprise and the fight far from how he had picture ending his night, but he didn't want his boyfriend gone.

Jonah felt horrible, actually physically sick, and he wanted nothing more than to just go to bed, with Leo. If he could just keep his mouth shut, then-

"You're not even gonna explain yourself?" Leo asked in a small voice, "really? You don't care at all?"

"I do care," Jonah shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat, "I do care, I just got caught up in work and- and-" and a kid had died in his hands.

"And?"

"I just wanna go to sleep," it sounded less like a fight now, more like begging. Leo frowned at him and took a step back, further in the apartment, not out. Jonah stumbled forward, towards the bedroom.

"Jonah, what the fuck?" Leo sighed, following him into the suite, "this isn't you, just talk with me-"

He changed directions in the bedroom, instead of sitting on the bed, Jonah staggered into the bathroom, bracing against the sink and opening the register. He splashed his face with water, but it didn't do much to the sticky, claustrophobic sensation. He still smelt like disinfectant, it was making his stomach churn.

"Really? Silent treatment now?" Leo scoffed, somewhere behind him, "you're acting like a child."

Jonah groaned, then gagged over the bowl as the comment refreshened his memory. He heaved, loudly, interrupting Leo, but the dramatic retch only brought up a little dribble of bile.

There was a ringing in his ears, which sounded a lot like someone crying and it took Jonah a whole minute of panting over the bowl to realize it was him. He whimpered, lowering his forehead to the cold stone, feeling Leo's hand in the middle of his back.

"Why didn't you say you were sick?" Leo questioned, squeezing his shoulder, "Jon, shhh... What's hurting? Is this a migraine?"

He didn't suffer with migraines, never had in his life. Jonah shook his head, still bracing against the sink. Despite feeling painfully empty, his stomach was still sloshing uncomfortably, "I'm not- I'm not in pain and I'm not sick."

Behind him Leo let out a snort, "yeah, you just threw up randomly and -"

"Not..." Jonah shook his head, "stress. That's all. I'm fine," he forced himself to straighten up and meet Leo's eyes in the mirror. His boyfriend looked concerned, even if there was a hint of annoyance in his face still.

"You're fine?" Leo echoed, skeptical, "Jonah, you're crying."

"I just need to sleep, that's all," he rubbed his temples, wiping away the tears that were clinging to his lashes.

"Yeah, sure..." Leo frowned, moving out of the way so Jon could walk past him. He stood near the bed as Jonah struggled to undo the buttons of his shirt and quickly gave up, tugging it up.

"Uhm, I think I'm going to go then-"

Jon paused, looking at him, "Leo," his voice simply seemed not to be working suddenly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I stood you up, it's just..." he couldn't say it, couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, so instead Jonah gulped against the knot in his throat and said, "can... can you stay? Please?" his voice all but melted at the end, as more tears sprung forward and Leo immediately nodded.

"Yes, of course..." he sounded extremely concerned, but for the moment Leo decided against pressing the issue. Instead he sat down on the bed too, before throwing his arms around Jon and pulling him into a tight hug.

It was the tipping point, because then Jonah lost all control and buried his face on his boyfriend's shoulder, sobbing.

His chest hurt and he couldn't stop thinking about the kid... It was only partially guilt over not having been able to do more, most of it was just plain, simple sadness.

Leo's hand cupped his nape and his cheek pressed against Jonah's temple, "shhh love, I'm here," he whispered, "you're alright."

It was so silly and yet it sent another sob through him, causing Jon to cling painfully to Leo's shirt, wrinkling it in his fist, "I'm s-sorry-I-"

"Breathe, Jon," Leo didn't let him go, if anything he squeezed him tighter, "just breathe in, babe."

It took forever, Jon felt like, for the tears to stop and the sobs to calm down. He felt utterly empty and his head was throbbing like hell, exhaustion weighting down his eyes, but he knew he at least owed Leo an explanation after breaking down on him so badly.

He leaned his head back against the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest, "sorry," his voice sounded like he had just gargled with glass, "sorry about this."

"For crying!?" Leo said incredulously, reaching over to touch his knee and stop the light rocking that Jon was doing, "can you tell me what happened?"

Jon nodded, but didn't say anything. Instead he just stared at Leo, exhausted and then, all in one breath, mumbled, "in the morning?"

"Okay..." Leo nodded, more and more worried, "okay, in the morning."

He got up from the bed and calmly stripped down his own clothes, changing into a large hoodie and just his boxers, then circled the bed and took Jon's hands in his, ushering him up so he could at least get rid of the pants Jon had worn all day.

That was all he managed to do before his boyfriend curled up under the blankets, so unlike himself and Leo was left with no option but lie down too. He rolled onto his side, stroking Jonah's cheek. It was wet again, but he was no longer sniffling and sobbing.

"C'mere," Leo sighed, pulling Jon to him. He wrapped him up in a hug and then closed his eyes. Leo's mind was going a mile a minute and despite several minutes passing in the dark, he knew Jonah wasn't asleep.

Eventually he felt his boyfriend move, letting out a long sigh, "I lost a patient today."

"Aw-"

"Jesse, he was 10. He liked my sneakers that have the pride flag. He - He liked the mutants and I talked with him about X-Men evolution, the cartoons and he binged the episodes on youtube and was so excited and-" his voice collapsed under the weight of the tears and Leo hugged him a little tighter.

"I'm so sorry, Jon," he whispered, kissing his cheek, "I'm sorry."

"It's just not fair, that's all," Jonah whispered, hot tears running down the bridge of his nose and Leo's neck, "it's not fair, Leo."

"I know, I know, it's not fair, my love," Leo nodded, kissing his brow.

#mywriting #sickfic #HEAVY ANGST #jonah banks

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nyxiannas · 2 months

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Hello! Here’s my writing request:

Camp Camp Max x gn!reader who is a perfectionist + extroverted + fluff

Prompt: This could be aged up or not, if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, but imagine if Max was trying to ask out reader after being friends/having a crush on them for a while originally trying to be low-key about it cus. It’s Max. But because the camp full of nosy people everyone finds out and wants to “help” him get the girl/guy! (Their words) Unfortunately it ends with the Mess Hall caught on fire, Wolves all around the area, Robots butlers attacking the camp and everyone screamed and running for cover. With Max now being more done/embarrassed than ever about to call it quits trying to forget this day even happened before the reader having now just figuring out what the whole plan blurts out the question ”Do you want to go out with me?!” Leaving Max speechless, happy, momentarily confused, flustered, and only slightly pissed cause he wanted to say ask first

I wanted to say it first. || Max (CC) [♡]

Genre, writing style; fluff, perfectionist/extroverted! Reader

Reader pronouns; gender neutral

Tws; none

Overall thoughts; if the camp camp fandom won't revive itself, I WILL!!🔥

Might be a little ooc cuz I haven't watched camp camp in quite a bit and the series isn't free on YouTube anymore so I'm just going by how they all acted in the first episode and the specials....💔💔

You came to Camp Campbell later than all the others, but David still welcomed you in open arms.

Hot outside, and figuring out where to sit in the mess hall with slop on your tray. You went to the table where Nikki, Neil, and Max sat.

Nikki and Neil took quite a liking to you. Although Neil isn't too fond of new places and people, he thought you'd be fine to hang out around. Nikki likes almost anyone who's nice to her, despite acting like a wild animal at times.

Max, not so much. It took quite a while for him to get used to you, having a sudden new member of the camp and not even having a real introduction or a way to make a position for yourself.

But, after a while of hanging out, Max realized that even though he acted like he wasn't fond of you, his thoughts were different.

-and slowly, he accepted that he liked you, and wasn't in denial about it anymore.

Fighting the need to tell you how he felt whenever you two hung out without the other two, he really had no idea what to do or how to tell you.

But, his behavior around you was noticed by the other kids' people at camp, how he was relatively nicer to you than the rest, that wasn't normal.

Slowly, they connected the peices together, and most of them realized that he had taken a liking to you in a different approach, and they really wanted to play a part in helping him.

"WHAT!"

Max thought he was being subtle about his 'slight' crush on [name], or he thought he was being subtle about it.

"You do!!" Nikki gasped. She didn't think it was all that true, considering that it was Max, and he hated anything and everything.

Sitting on the Camp Dock, with Neil and Preston nearby, trying to work on a new sciency thing and Preston was the test subject.

"You like [name]?" Neil asked. He had a feeling that it was true after observing how Max acted around [name], noticing that his demeanor was quite different from how he acted around the camps counselors and everyone else who attended.

"Oh, is it true? THE Max doesn't find someone a nuisance?" Preston dramatically accompanied Neil, astonished that Max could even learn how to love.

"I DO NOT." Max retorted. He didn't want anyone to actually know about his feelings, but it was a good chance to establish a way to finally tell [name] how he really felt.

"It is alright, Max, we shall help you on your quest to get the person of your dreams!" Preston said, supporting the idea of trying to help Max with his crush. Maybe it would make him a decent-enough person.

"Alright, operation 'Help Max try to get a partner and maybe he'll be a better person to everyone' is a go!" Nikki said enthusiastically.

After Nikki tried to gather everyone who would help with it, besides the counselors. She got Dolph, Harrison, Nerris, and Ered to play a part in the 'operation'.

"Could've had a shorter name, but.." Neil trailed, sitting in the Mess Hall, before lunch started. Trying to figure out an approving plan and scenario to have Max confess.

"Whatever, we need a plan first, then we can work on the stupid name." Max said bluntly, wanting to get it over with and have the future plan go smoothly, and hopefully, by the end of it, he would have a partner.

"Oh! We could have Ered try to help the Quartermaster with the food in the kitchen!" Nikki practically set her idea on the table. Everyone went with it.

"I can make a picnic area on top of my tower, so you both can have a good view!" Nerris added, wanting a part.

"No, they'll eat while watching my amazing magic show!" Harrison argued, starting a debate where Max and [Name] would bring their food to.

"Nobody cares about your dumb magic show, Harrison!" Nerris argued back

"My towers way better, and more magical than your magic show ever could!"

"How about they watch me paint, my paintings are quite exquisite." Dolph interrupted.

"NO!" Nerris and Harrison yelled at the same time.

"How about the two get their food from Ered, then go to Nerris's tower to eat, then watch or try to help Dolph with a painting, and then watch Harrisons magic show." Neil stopped the three of them from arguing about something stupid. Elaborating in a way the three of them would understand.

"Fine." The three of them said in usion, agreeing on the idea.

Soon after the plan was set, lunch started, and everyone was set into place, Ered ran to the kitchen, trying to figure out what to help the Quartermaster with. Nerris quickly drew a little picnic blanket on the top of her tower, where [Name] and Max would sit, watching everything from above. Dolph, with his little legs, went to his painting set up and got everything into place, and Harrison set up his magic tricks he would show off.

Nobody knows what went wrong with the mess hall besides Ered and the Quartermaster, Ered got permission from the Quartermaster. Originally, the food was going to be the signature slop that they got almost every single day.

Until Ered wanted to 'make it cool' and added something she found in the back of the kitchen pantry, added it into the food without the Quartermaster looking, and after a bit, mixed into the food, and blew up the kitchen, setting the Mess Hall ablaze.

Everyone evacuated, the explosion was so loud, it led wolves to the camp, feeding on the extra food that flew out from the explosion. Some were eating the slop, and one was biting on Space Kid's weird helmet, dragging him around.

Max quickly grabbed [name] and ran from the camp, trying to take cover from everything happening back at the Mess Hall.

Embarrassed from how the plan failed miserably, dragging [name] into the forest to try and confess at the last minute.

"Max- I think we should get back. We're going too far away!" [Name] suggested, stopping in their tracks and almost making Max fall backward from the sudden stop.

Wiping off the dirt from their outfit, quickly piecing everything together. Suddenly, everyone wanted to help in everything, Ered never wanted to participate unless she had to, Nerris wanting them and Max to quickly come into her tower to do something, Max's behavior from the passed few weeks.

They had a slight crush on Max, too, after around a month of being friends, the feelings developed, and putting the peices together only made the crush grow.

Catching their breath from the running and stopping behind a tree, they had to get their feelings out now that they were sure that Max felt the same way.

"Max!- wait-" They panted, leaning against the tree,

"Was everyone acting strange, and being productive around the camp.. all for me?-"

"A setup, I mean.." They had to make sure, whenever they came into the Mess Hall or tried to go near almost anyone's main place to hang out, they were quickly escorted out.

"And- you were acting strange.. too," confronting Max of everything that happened, noticing the slight redness on his cheeks.

"Well, I-" Max was soon interrupted.

"No! Wait- what I'm trying to ask is- do you like me?" They asked, impatiently, not waiting to hear whatever excuse Max had in store.

"Uhm- yeah?-" Max muttered, slightly pissed off that he wasn't able to start it off like he wanted.

"Do you want to go out with me?!-" They blurted out, cutting him off. Very happy that now they knew it was for real, heart racing.

Silence, Max was thinking about it, confused, flustered, and angry.

"..."

".. Yes." He agreed, he wanted to ask it first, but they beat him to it.

"But, I wanted to ask fir-"

"YIPPIE!!"

After thoughts; Hi

I took like 2 hours writing this and half of it was trying to figure out what font it would be in

and I found all the rest of the camp camp episodes while writing this so I had more to go off of

I didn't add in the robots part even tho it was a good idea I just couldn't figure out how to add them in😭😭

Thank you for requesting, and hopefully, this was good enough (this work will go into editing later cuz I left out some ideas I had but realized that this was long as BALLS but the more the merrier right🤫🤫)

#writing #x reader #camp camp #camp camp max #camp camp nikki #camp camp neil #camp campbell #max x reader #yes #this is kinda bad #request #requested

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swearyshera · 1 year

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I feel people like you, who post free entertainement on social medias, need some reminders, so here goes:

remember you don't owe us anything. No explaination, no apology, no excuse, no punctuality, not even quality.

If you need a break, take it and you don't have to tell us why or to give us a deadline.

If you didn't post at a time you scheduled to post, you don't need to rush, to give excuses or to apologize.

If your content doesn't please everyone, you don't have to redo it, (if it's you who aren't satisfied, you might want, but then again you have to find the good balance between being proud of yourself and being over perfectionist and never achieving anything because there's always something to fix)

Since you're providing entertainement (as opposed to someone who is doing a crucial job for someone's health, for instance, and who therefore needs to warn someone to replace them if necessary), you don't need to post or to be on time; you could give it all up, none of us is entitled to your content or your time. Since you're doing it for free you don't have a contract with any of us, therefore you face no consequence by being late or "bad" or just stopping.

If for some reason you posted less, less often, or nothing at all, there's plenty of entertainment providers on the internet. We love your content and will configure tumblr to get notifications when (if) you'll come back, but we don't need you, so please prioritize yourself, what you want, what is healthy for you.

Anyway I think I speak for all of us when I say this: it's best if you take your time, so that you're in good physical and mental health, to provide content you like, than if we get 100% of the "job" done right on time, but it made you feel bad. We wouldn't be happy about the result.

I absolutely love writing this and sharing it with everyone - I wouldn't have gotten this far if I didn't. And I have always prioritised my own wellbeing, as I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear - that's why I take short breaks at the end of each season, as well as either a break or a posting reduction in the middle. That gives me the time to take it easy and take days off all while not having to panic because the queue's running down rapidly.

Yes, this blog does take up a lot of my time outside of work - maybe more than it should, I probably spend a good 5 or 6 hours a week on it. But I'm happy to, and it's never a chore (some scenes can feel a bit dragging, so I normally just take a break and come back afresh the next day). And importantly, I still have time free to do other things.

One of the reasons I make funny things is that the world is not that funny and becoming less funny every day. If I can give people a reason to smile amongst all the gloom and doom, even if it's just for a second, I figure that's time well spent. Reading through the tags, the responses, the asks... that all makes it worthwhile because I know I've been able to make people happy (or I've just given them an emotional punch to the gut).

I'm so much better at keeping myself healthy than I used to be, and that includes making sure I'm not overworking myself. If something awful happened and I couldn't write for a week, I'd weather it just fine and wouldn't push myself beyond my limits. I love all of you, and that's why I do this. We're gonna get to the end, no problem!

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rlyc00l · 5 months

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Hey guys! I'm still writing even when I take a long time. :) I think awhile back I said I'd upload two chapters together but you know what, just to get one out there quicker here it is. It's a Maya chapter. Dumb bonus notes under the cut (for like, after you read the chapter)

So basically I tend to be a massive perfectionist with everything and I finally went "okay this is fanfiction and I take forever writing it and meanwhile, I'm trying to work on an actual novel, I'm gonna go easier on myself with this. Because it's for fun. For me."

I think Maya is fully capable of being a pretty bad person like all Vault hunters should be. It's more fun when they're morally flexible.

I had this note pinned to the side of the document that was like "The Office scene Michael kidnaps pizza guy" and it didn't end up being that useful as inspiration but I sure did keep thinking about it as I wrote.

I let my 11-year-old niece read P0is0ned because after finding out I wrote a fic she kept asking me to read it. She's fine with watching like, Fury Road and Aliens, and this isn't going to have anything worse than that lol. She pointed out several typos but said I'm at least as good a writer as Erin Hunter of Warriors fame (prime child compliment) and then kept bugging me for an update. Honestly, really good motivation.

Hey, are there good sites to post fanfic that aren't ao3 or ff.net? I think I've asked this before but has the answer changed? I'm still stubbornly refusing to go back to the former.

Oh also, normally, if I were like, writing something with any intention to be professional, I would describe Campion's face? However, in the past I've been very put off by people's Zer0 face headcanons that didn't align to my tastes so, I figure, just let people imagine what they want. THOUGH, they are not very human at all!

Boy, I sure hope Borderlands hasn't added a minor character named Campion since I've stopped looking. They sure did that with another character name I planned to use.

#p0is0ned #zerhys #borderlands #borderlands 2 #tales from the borderlands #borderlands fanfiction #fic

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stiffyck · 1 year

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"Scar-" Grian started, hand outstretched towards the trembling man in front of him. "I need you to listen-"

"NO!" Scar retorted. "You need to listen, for once in your fucking life just SHUT UP and let me speak!"

Scar was panting at this point, and appeared to be steeling himself for an argument. Grian, however, just drew back his hand with a heartbroken expression on his face.

"'All alliances from last season are null and void.'" Scar quoted, his smile turning into a vindictive sneer. "'Oh, come with me Mumbo, it'll be so much more fun.' 'You'll be fine, you have Joel.' You couldn't have made it more obvious you didn't want me around if you'd tried."

Grian opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. Scar gave a manic laugh, tears threatening to spill over in his eyes.

"You know, me and Cleo are similar in many ways." Scar began, staring daggers into his- friend? Did Grian deserve that title now?-'s face. "Both pretty good in pvp. Both have pasts we'd rather not discuss. Both of us would do anything for those we care about." The elf took a step closer. "And neither of us take kindly to being betrayed."

Grian gulped, but Scar was still not done with his rant.

"We have different ways of dealing with that betrayal, though, don't we Grian? Surely you saw Cleo hunting BigB down until she was able to take his final life. Surely you must've noticed the suspicious lack of Scars hunting you?"

"Scar, that was all in a different server!" Grian pleaded.

"Oh, I know." Scar said. He started laughing again. At first, it seemed like a laugh of intense anger, but to those who knew him well- as Grian did- it was obviously meant to cover up extreme heartbreak. "All relationships ended, huh? Just tell me the truth. I know you hate me, you don't have to keep hiding it." His voice lowered. "It's okay, really Grian. I would hate me too. I just wish you'd say it and stop dancing around something anybody can see."

"Wha- Scar I don't hate you! I never did, how could I possibly hate you? If you'd just let me explain-" He was cut off by a harsh bark of a laugh from Scar. The man grinned, but there was no joy in his eyes.

"It's my legs that don't work, not my brain, Grian." Scar turned around, and started to move away. "I'm dumb, but I'm not an idiot."

Do I have any clue what this was? No. It obviously takes place post-ll, but I was mainly just writing words as they come to mind. I can see quite a few plot hole and things I'd normally fix, but I honestly can't be bothered today. Here's an example of a not even remotely proofread first draft of mine guys! Hopefully I at least managed to capture some of what my goal was, because I know that if I go back and fix it I'll end up spending 20 minutes trying to fix this and I don't have the time to do that. Feel free to critique it, god knows the perfectionistic editor in me is desperately trying to.

ANXJFKDNSBA WAAAAA OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDD

THIS IS SOOOO GOOD I LOVE THIS

#stiff talk #asks #gtws #grian #gtws angst #desert duo #angst

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key2earth · 7 months

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hi hello & happy happy opening! i'm blue & this is xie ziying, local night terror edward cullen haunting the halls of sua! art student, red hall girl gang stan, & proud owner of a pretty pair of pearly whites that she's putting to dentist unrecommended use outside of regular class hours! here's a barebones profile & more info / plots under the cut, pls like to plot or ask for my d/scord & i’ll be there! 💗

*tw for discussion of blood is marked out in the intro with brackets!

info

addressing these first: her teeth r sharp & she drinks blood... the vamp allegations r true. ( /hj. u will see )

anyway!! she mostly lived a fairly normal life, insofar as having 3 outta 4 ( now 2 out of 3 ) of a family being anomalies would be normal? has a big bro in huitian but their abilities are as different as they come, so the anomaly gene sure is abnormal!

she's always been the black sheep of the family, but only in the way that someone who's unconditionally loved can act out? like deciding to play the violin when you come from a family of pianists, before abandoning that all together, & being the sibling whose teachers keep calling... but the point is. she's grown up being loved by her family, & that sense of self & safe harbour has pretty much tided her through what would otherwise have been some awful memories

those & her chompers it's hard to fight someone if they're willing 2 mike tyson u

speaking of teeth... they're sharp i'm not kidding! has nicked herself many times, but this was also how she figured out how her ability works. pure trial & error & teething pains

so how do those powers work? ( tw blood mention ) basically, a lil sip of blood gives her a power up! if it's her own blood, she gets physically stronger with enhanced condition. if that sip comes from someone else, she adopts/transforms into one property from them, though she doesn't get to choose which! ( tw end )

she's completely fine with her ability & down to use it when needed or entirely unnecessary, though the fact that the fun half of her power is a random grab bag is sometimes to her detriment. she knows this because she's gotten someone's sleep deprived mental state once when she wanted their cool colour-changing irises 💔

at sua bc they had really effective advertising & her grades + power combination was bad enough that she was applying to any college that might take her in. swears she didn't mean to tag along w huitian but she did apply to sua... so...

art student, which means being on her sixth can of bacchus at ass o clock & permanent eyebags, having the worst style intentionally & calling it avant goth

applied to be evo's treasurer but doesn't believe in 'the cause' or wtv that is. she j wanted to mooch money off them. its working!!

personality deets she's got that libra sun ( i see it i like it ) taurus moon ( i want it i got it ) scorpio rising ( goth ariana )! we're starting off goth, but she's unsrs about it. only emo 4 the aesthetics. might be a stoner gal & attends all the house parties when they have good greens. very chill & laidback, lowkey doesn't care about anything until it comes to her art or her ego, then her secret perfectionist self rears its big head! likes a good puzzle but would never help someone else solve one even if they were struggling. lives mostly in the twilight hours & naps thru class. could be spotted on your roof today!

chara inspos are sunny baudelaire, himiko toga if she had a loving family, vampire vibes really

plots

writing that intro has emptied my brain & i only have the usual suspects: besties, enemies, fwbs, exes! red hall hot girls & ppl she's pissing off at evo bc the funds keep disappearing

will update more but i love a brainstorm too we should do that 💗

#nm:intro #⌜𝘚𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘖𝘞𝘕⌟ ☼ ⋰ ziying.

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minevn · 1 year

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How would the LIs be with an MC that's normally very shy and sweet but is secretly very kinky in bed (masochistic, among MANY other things alskskgkjfjf) and likes to be degraded? 👉👈

🔞MDNI🔞

(also I'm gonna put this here, but from this point forward I won't be accepting NSFW asks with anon turned on. When I first made this blog I thought I had written that but apparently I didn't and I recently went back and changed that. The only way I'll accept NSFW anon asks is if you message me about it and you're like "I don't want my account to be seen on here" then that's fine :3)

Minato: Minato would be VERY shocked to find out. I think he'd be down to do it but is also very scared and nervous to. He's gone most of his life being feared because people thought he was dangerous, he's scared that this will confirm those beliefs of others. It will take a lot of reassuring but in the end there's a possibility that he can fulfill your wishes.

Haruto: Haruto is more of a soft service top, BUT he'll do anything for you so if that's what you're into he will do his best. He's a perfectionist, he'll end up mastering the art of fulfilling your kinks. He'd probably panic at first though, like 'How tf do I do that?'

Jun: Jun is more submissive then dominant and when she is dominant she's more of a soft service. Has no clue how to even be sadistic or degrade you. She'll try though! She'll probably like gently slap you and stutter out some insult before cracking and shouting how sorry she is and how much she loves you and how cute and precious you are to her and how she'd never want any harm to come your way! Sex forgotten, Jun is just going on a rant about how perfect you are and how much she loves you.

Hoshi: "Oh, I gotchu." He's pretty surprised at first, but he quickly regains his composure. He has no issue being more sadistic and degrading with you. Afterwards though he'll remind you about how much he loves you. After the first time he'll do research about how to be sadistic and degrading better, he'll even ask you to help guide him to what you want.

Habiki: He doesn't really care about the switch, it's still you y'know? Anyways he's been degrading you since day one, he has no problem with being sadistic and degrading towards you. Much like Hoshi though, he'll ask you if there's anything specific you wanna try out.

Kage: Is also more submissive then dominant. I think he'll try but will most likely end up fainting. If he does manage to get by without fainting then he's crying.

Kei: Chances are, Kei knows already so he's not surprised when you tell him. Because he knows, he's done research on how to be a good sadist and degrading things to say. He goes into it being perfect, just the way you want him to. Afterward he'll do all the aftercare stuff he needs to do and he'll be very sweet and gentle with you, telling you how much he loves you.

Yani: "Me too bro, me too." Yani gets it cause she's the same. She tries, but every time she ends up laughing a little just cause she's not used to hearing herself say stuff like that, she makes sure to let you know why she's laughing that way you don't think it's laughing at you. Anyways, of course Yani is going to learn how to be sadistic and degrading, anything for you <3

#💝-minevn #visual novel #yandere vn #🎤-asks #🐠-Minato #📙-Haruto #🎀-jun #🍽️-Hoshi #🎻-Habiki #👤-Kage #💻-Kei #💕-yani #🔞-minors dni

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thebestoftragedy · 1 year

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my big adhd things are like:

1) overwhelmed by multiple-step processes where lots of steps are complex/contingent on other people/involve things that make me super frustrated/emotional/upset (complicated recipe: fine, calling customer service: bad, cleaning house: extremely extremely bad);

2) inability to form habits/super forgetful even about things I do daily (accidentally leaving the house with totally unbrushed hair, no deodorant, teeth not cleaned, in slippers, without wallet, without keys, etc. because I have to consciously remind myself and do 100 checks/personal inventories to figure out what I need to do in the morning);

3) specific kind of procrastination where I physically can't make myself do something I need to do, which can be anything from "working on essay" to "eating food when I'm hungry" to "getting up to use the bathroom" to "flipping over in bed because I'm uncomfortable," the complexity/difficulty of the task has almost nothing to do with it. if it's something urgent like "getting out of bed and getting ready for work" and this happens then I usually end up having a kind of panic attack/overwhelming negative emotions cascade.

basically coping with this = giving myself 5x the normal amount of time to get something done, making a ton of checklists, and being a perfectionist with my own work to cover up how much of a mess I am generally. I'm very good in an actual crisis if it doesn't really involve inconvenience to me and would rather have someone smash my arm bones with a hammer than pack/unpack/move house again because it's the absolute ultimate worst experience for my mental health and makes me actively suicidal every time.

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noroi1000 · 2 years

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Helloo!! Would it be okay if I request a match up please? Not sure if you're still accepting

I'm female, bisexual with a male preference, brown eyes with chest lengthed baby pink hair, 5"2 and plus sized. I go back and forth between being confident about my body type to insecure a lot 🥺

I'm an INFP and my ennegram is 6w5. I am a very anxious person and will probably fuss over the little things. I am in fact the "don't eff with me or else I'll cry" person. I would say I am a mostly reserved person and I find a hard time relating to people. My reservation comes from the fact that I'm an awkward person and can't hold small talk for the life of me.

Others who have gotten to know me though, have told me I'm very charming, a jokester and bubbly. I feel like I portray that type of personality when I'm either really comfortable with the people I'm around or its because I'm trying to keep piece and stray away from feeling awkward.

I really like my alone time and am very comfortable spending time with myself. I can spent days upon days not talking to anyone and be fine with it. At some point though, I do get lonely and then I become very clingy with friends 😅 They don't necessarily have to talk to me, I just need them to be with me. Even if it means we sit in silence in person or muted in a call on discord the entire time. Their presence is enough, but the clingy part is that they'll have to keep me company for like 5hrs.

I romanticize things a lot. Maybe its because I appreciate the little things in life and like to celebrate the little things or maybe its because I don't have much going for me. Romanticize in the sense like I could have just bought bread from a bakery or made myself a cup of tea but that'll be the highlight of my entire day.

In terms of hobbies, I read a lot, daydream and embroider. I like to hang out with friends but I get socially fatigued often! So my golden rule to keep myself from socially burning out is 1 friend outing every 2-3 weeks.

Sorry it was long! Wanted to give you enough to work with! Thank you!

a/n: Hope it's good 🥺💕

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup is:

Even if several things in your behavior contradict each other, I think it will be him.

He is a calm person. But it is also, in a way. Mostly he is stoic. But his restless nature manifests itself when something pisses him off or annoys him. There are many such things. So he is half calm and half anxious. Even though he is mostly calm. People who know him longer know that this man gets pissed off easily.

Nanami is not a complete perfectionist. But he likes to have order. Neat appearance, styled hair and clothes. He also likes to have order in what he is supposed to do. He will take care of the smallest detail to finish everything and enjoy the moment when he can rest from everything. Besides, he hates working. There is always a chance that something will be extended and he may have to stay there longer than he wanted. So even if he cares about details and small things, sometimes it won't do any good.

He has a sense of responsibility. When he knows he is an adult here and needs to take care of someone, he will do it. No matter what happens, he will do everything to ensure that nothing happens to the other person. Even if he could die or whatever. He just didn't want anyone to be constantly scared. He preferred to know that someone relied on him and trusted him. But if anyone has anything if Nanami failed, he won't complain.

He just doesn't have a lot of friends. People may even be afraid to approach him because he hardly ever smiles. This could be terrible for someone. Plus, he is never able to start a "We have a nice weather today" conversation. Such pointless starting a conversation is nothing normal for him. There is no point in talking about anything that comes to mind. So he would rather talk to someone about a topic and not change it that very quickly.

People feel awkward with him. It is difficult to get to know him, it is difficult to read his emotions. Because he often looks bored. However, he is just calm. He may be a little bored with his life. But he's just calm. Somehow he has never gotten used to wasting his energy on something he doesn't feel like doing.

Besides, he can smile and joke. All he needs is the right person for it. And also the right moment. It is enough for him to feel comfortable.

His dream is a small house in a quiet place. Where he could be alone. Live in peace and stop worrying about the lives of others. He would like to live alone. But also without the people around him, one can easily go crazy. So he could use a friend too. Or someone even closer. Especially if it is a person similar to him in some way.

Even differences can be obscured by other feelings.

Headcanon:

• I see his romantic things as something small. He definitely won't be buying you a big luxury home for every birthday. A little trinket as a gift. Even though it has to mean it won't be pretty. It is important that you will like it.

• He doesn't have much to offer either. Even if he has the money, he doesn't relate to it at all. He really prefers a quiet and possibly poor life. Even with money, he won't want to overdo everything he has in the house. Simple room decorations and furniture. Nothing more.

• For him it is a very nice move to buy something that may be of use to you. Even if it's something to eat. You can eat it together and enjoy the moment together. Even such a small thing will show him that you care about him. No matter what it will be. You can even buy bread. It is also a sign for him. You don't ignore your common needs. For example, that you can make a meal of this bread together. Besides, just knowing that you are bothering to buy or make something for him is enough.

He also loves bread. So you can show him that you know his tastes. Fresh bread from the bakery. Soft on the inside and crispy on the outside. Additionally, still warm. This is his favorite start to the day. Plus a cup of coffee. And also a person to spend the morning with and enjoy.

And it doesn't matter that you both can do nothing else all day long.

• He would never look at someone in appearance. He doesn't pay attention to it. The only thing is that you are not the kind of person who dresses too flashy. (Or wears hardly any clothes at all). He has the greatest respect for someone else's body and would not humiliate someone for it. But he has no influence on other people.

However, he would very much like you to feel confident in your body. 'Cause if he tells you you're beautiful, that's what it is. And don't deny it.

• He had dreams. To buy a house in a quiet place and read all the books he has never read before. One of his favorite activities is reading. Newspapers or books. Anything he likes. But probably nothing to do with his job. In his free time, he would definitely like to take a break from something like that.

If you agree to be with him at this point, he will rest even if he has to think about work. Lie on your thighs or hold you close to his chest.

• He likes that your hobbies are not extreme. Peaceful and interesting.

• If you want to go out with your friends somewhere, that's fine. He will be waiting for you at home. Your exits may be so rare that he would never want to spoil it for you. Therefore, he will be waiting for you. Then he makes you dinner or prepares anything for you. You may be tired, but you will also be happy.

The most important thing for him is that you feel happy.

"You're beautiful. And I never want to know that you can think differently. Be as confident as I am sure that you are perfect" *Kisses you on the forehead *

"I made you tea and food. And I also cut a teddy bear out of the bread you bought. Anything to show you that you are just as sweet. I love you."

#jjk nanami #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x you #anime matchup #jujutsu kaisen matchups #jjk headcanons #jjk x y/n #nanami x reader #nanami kento #Nanami matchup

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menalez · 1 year

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am a straight woman (and not asexual or anything) but i ''fear'' intimacy deeply(am very paranoid+a perfectionist too due to a number of reasons), i never feel safe/comfy with the idea of emotionally or sexually tying myself to a man. i also don't wanna put in all the effort i KNOW i'll have to put to please said man. and i don't feel like anything is missing in my life either, i'm fine by myself. but socially i do feel a bit like a freak especially seeing my gfs live with their bfs. any advice?

i can somewhat get u, idk if this applies to u but ive come across several cases of het women who never dated men or had sex w them and dont want to. a lot of it is rooted in fear and also like the importance placed on virginity too. im sure theres many other women who have similar reasons to you. i dont think theres anything wrong with being a perfectionist, i think a perfectionist in dating but being happy being alone is a great thing to be and its an ideal we should strive for bc imo thats healthier than the way many women are, which is feeling terrible when single, not loving ourselves, wanting to be in a relationship constantly, low standards, etc. i do think the paranoia isn't great tho. what exactly are you paranoid about? can you point to where this paranoia comes from, or why you have it?

tbh i would encourage you to find women that are similar to you. women who are celibate bc they want to be, women who arent dating men for whatever reason, etc and surround yourself w such women. the world places so much emphasis on women "settling down", finding a man, getting married. its normal to feel like youre a "freak" for going against such expectations. its also very common to feel better about yourself once you meet women who are similar, who dont need nor want a man for whatever reason, and who are thriving regardless. they DEFINITELY exist, i know it. the only thing idk is how to find such women in whichever part of the world you are. i know its easier to in a lot of east asia and some other parts of the world, but pretty hard to find in a lot of africa & south+central+west asia + the west too probably

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blole-hack · 2 years

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I've been questioning if im autistic

big sensory problems seriously

i like vegetables but i cant stand the tastes of some of them and textures. i mean i eat it but there's certain THRESHOLDS that i just can't, im about to puke, im sorry. it tastes good but idk why my body is rejecting it

i cant stand STRONG TASTES and STRONG SMELLS. But apparently I smell some things stronger than others???? like i can smell pee in some places where others dont lol (its the bathroom of course i smell the pee) and then it sticks to my nose bc of the particles that got stuck on my mask (as in anti COVID-19 mask not masking) so i had to swap masks but everyone else seemed fine

cant stand cold food lol do i just have stomach problem

cant stand perfumes or efficascent oil

cant stand sounds that people dont even think are loud tbh but its mostly because I'm scared of damaging my ears

its really hard to sleep without ear plugs but i think i just got used to it after sleeping near someone snoring.

touching certain textures is fine I'm just mildly germaphobic so if i touch something that feeels like it has like, idk, germs??? but im not scared of getting sick??? idk microorganisms scare me even though i know theyre everywhere

i cant stand the smells of some masks which other people dont notice (like, the insides)

but there's some things im dull at tasting or smelling

motion sickness dude... my whole life dude. and travel lag for hours

feel pressured to act normal but sometimes i just wanna let go maybe its social anxiety

cant speak/can barely speak idk if its enough to count as nonverbal during mornings but its so hard

its hard to respond when so many things are going at once

bad sense of direction because its hard to remember locations because of so many things around at once

triggered when some random person touches me but i just have boundaries

i dont really stim unless im excited. i dont rock back and forth for self soothing, or maybe i do??? idk i move sideways sometimes. i cant sit still i think HAHHAA when i discovered it was a thing though, shaking things off is pretty neat ow my ankle jk

iii do get the urge to just verbalize random shit fidget in certain ways but i dont really do it

i mean i do fidget but when I'm nervous

i do mimic things and basically built my identity by chipping things off from characters since I've been so confused about who i really am and that's the most accessible way of expressing and experimenting about it

some synthetic sounds or just music honestly hurt my ears. i dont know why. these things arent being complained about by other people. it makes composing and appreciating music hard.

ive never really parroted things randomly when i was a kid i think or llike older or something. i guess i did when i was like 3 until yeah

i dont really relate to the special interests thing though. might be important to have. actually maybe its art, music, writing. but growing up ive been kinda a stubborn person who didn't really wanna learn from anyone and just did things on my own. butt once i realized i would greatly benefit from learning i cant stand a day where i dont learn or improve IM JUST A PERFECTIONIST MAYBE but i dont really talk about them thaaaat much i dont really talk about anything much i dont really have much to say unless people are asking me for information

Ive been considered weird by peers before. when i was in grade 1 i tried writing a book in a small tiny book. it was a self help book. and then my classmates wrote "you're crazy" in the pages and tHATS WHEN I LEARNED TO USE EMOTIONAL WARFARE AND CRY IN CLASS TO GET WHAT I WANT MOTHERFUCKER -

I've always been so confused about socializing and why people seemed to know more about it than me but i realized afterwards that it's really just an art, there's no hard and fast rules besides not truly being a douchebag, and people just do whatever

i guess another thing that could be considered a special interest is my unstoppable urge of asking people about themselves, I'm really curious about others but have no idea how to talk about myself lol (i mean its stoppable i dont wanna look weird but i do wanna prod people so much)

i really wanna learn more about psychoanalyzing people but i hate Sigmund Freuds work HAHAHAHAHA

if it was more accessible maybe id be more nerdy about i

reading books is hard man...

ARTIFICIAL/SYNTHETIC FLAVORS. ARTIFICIAL/SYNTHETIC SMELLS i cannot stress this enough. i cant stand the combination of chocolate and milk sometimes, i cant stand the taste of whey protein sometimes when it has chocolate and milk as its flavoring

i think this is neurotypical as well but my senses get dulled sometimes when im focused on something else then later when i break focus all the sounds return. i guess yeah that makes sense but like it feels like i dont even process them subconsciously the info just gets thrown away HAHAHAHA

cant sleep when something is touching my neck even if its just my clothigny

when im already affected by motion sickness all of my senses get worse i guess thats normal

are my talking patterns weird <- my thoughts almost always

on the flip side, despite my interest in people, there's also me not understanding people and fictional characters *some emotions or recognizing them until i read or watch analyses or meta posts (thats why I love them)

i mean getting diagnosed is incredibly terrible Because People Will Make Your Life Worse and judge you for it with stigmas but heyyy at least i can get an excuse from my family why i dont wanna eat those *specific* vegetables please i beg i feel bad for the veggies whenever i want to vomit them

so yeah since i cant get diagnosed might as well ask actual neurodivergent people on tumblr

maybe i should just blender them into a nice textureless juice if i want my fill NUTRIENTS BABY without the near vomit experience!

wonder if any neuro divergent peeps out there relate or if im neurotypical but i really just do have problems with textures and tastes

#questioning autistim #autism #personal #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #I just wanna know if im not alone with these

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genderqueer-karma · 2 years

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i'm saurrr tired of my bullshit but i said i would do this so here it is.

many times i've heard the idea tossed around that mvk and phoenix are narrative foils to one another. i'm inclined to take that as truth, since we hear nothing about the former's early career.

perhaps, he really did start his career honestly. it's hard to make a good name for yourself if you're inexperienced and come out of the gate cheating and manipulating. doesn't matter how talented you may be. so, for the first few years, let's just say he was honest. he was good at his job; a true prodigy in the field.

in fact, not just "good", great. perfect, even.

this definitely pleased his inner perfectionist to multitudes unknown to man.

but, at some point, maybe a few years into his career, he realized that this was not sustainable. not the way he'd been going, anyway. eventually he would lose. however, he was already addicted to winning. he'd already made a name for himself as a rising star with a perfect record that not even the most skilled defense attorneys had a chance of breaking. so now what? what was he to do?

he had a family to support. he had a record to beat. he had a justice system to uphold, through any means necessary.

so, he starts small. nothing case-defining. maybe a fingerprint here; a bit of extra blood spatter there. just little things that would strengthen his case. no big deal, right?

right.

he makes it work. so he continues on this way for a few years, nor more than five. eventually, he gets back to that point. the rut he'd found himself in previously. he was bound to lose at some point. by this point he's lost his desire to only exact justice. his need to win and prove himself better was much stronger than anything else.

so he got a little more bold. no one's caught him yet, so perhaps he could bend the rules a little more. still, nothing that could make or break a case.

these things would only help him. his family was growing and so was his addiction to winning. he was doing what he had to do.

a few more years pass by. it's been twenty-five years since his career started. he's managed to keep up this ruse for twenty. years.

how does he do it? by this point, he's been able to manipulate the courts with his influence and a bit more money than usual.

is-7.

he was sure of master's guilt, but how does one win a trial when there's no body to be found? he seldom used things that would be a trump card, but this was not an ordinary situation.

he uses his resources. a forged autopsy report directly from the chief prosecutor himself. there's no way he could get caught.

that pesky defense attorney. the man was his junior by fifteen years and practically an infant in the courtroom compared to him. he couldn't do anything.

still, he'd been so adamant about being able to investigate. he knew about that missing body.

shit.

a penalty. the first on his record.

his career and his mind both in shambles. he wasn't going to live this down. people would be watching him more closely than ever. he could practically feel the rumors circulating. he hated it.

there were few that could actually distract people from his misdeed. he needed to think.

an earthquake. a power outage. a bullet to the shoulder. an opportunity.

it all happened in a flurry of action, he never registered it. all he knew was that the state thought he was fit to raise a child he did not know. sure, alright.

of course, because he was a planner, this was fine. he knew what to do.

years went by. he stopped going for big cheats that completely turned the tide in his favor. he went back to small, easy things to get away with. no one needed to know.

fifteen years pass. forty years of a career. no losses on his record yet.

the rumors had died down a bit, just enough for him to return to normal. he was able to teach and sculpt not one, but two pupils into his image.

the statute of limitations on that crime, his crime, was coming up. secretly he was still revenge-minded. he was once again at a crossroads.

he could leave it alone. let the day pass. properly get away with this. but no. he needed to set the record straight, regardless of what it took.

in truth, he was tired. he'd been doing this for years. too many years. he could retire and go out quietly, but that was no fun. he had to go out with a bang, colloquially speaking.

so he set up the perfect crime. regardless of the outcome of that trial, he was bound to win.

sure, yogi was a pain in the ass. sure, he doesn't actually give a shit about whatever hammond has done. but a deal is a deal. he knows now not to get his hands dirty with the crime, just in case things go awry.

a meddlesome little upstart who promised to throw a wrench in his plans. still nothing worry about. he had this under control.

the hammond trial results in a loss. no matter. the real show was bound to begin now.

a confession, just like he'd planned. this was going perfectly.

there was no need to-

what. was happening. that damned rookie. he felt that he was reliving is-7. he'd won that trial, but not without its hardships or scars. this was becoming no different. pain and suffering.

he lost. not only did he lose, he was caught for his crime. at least he accomplished his goal.

going out with a bang typically wasn't so humiliating, but what was done was done. never again did he have to deal with these people who were beneath him. he was shamed, but his pride was in tact. that was all he needed. he was still the best of the best.

prison wouldn't be so bad, right? he knew there'd be more agreeable new additions eventually arriving anyhow.

#yo it's d :)#my emotional support geezer #i realize now this turned more into fic than anything but whatever. nbd.#i really like him :)#but yeah tldr: i think his career started very honestly and that he genuinely could do his job well but then got so caught up in the thrill #of winning that he had to keep going. then he got addicted to cheating.#in essence. i have a lot of thoughts in my head and i'm very ill (mentally).#g'morning

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sweetened-condensed-rage · 2 years

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Niniyx: Family Reunion (Pt. 2)

You know that flavor of writer's block where you'll write just about anything except what you probably should write? Yeah...Not to mention I've got the whole college thing going on, weird to think that the semester is almost over already. I'm also maybe a bit too much of a perfectionist with my writing and if something isn't the way I want it I'll just let it gather dust. But anyway, enjoy my former dnd character continuing to have a shitty father.

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The saltwater flooded the hold of the ship as the cannon fire became too much. The crew scrambled to try and save it, but in the slight chance they managed to, it wouldn’t be for long.

Thirteen.

She walked towards the helm and signaled to the crew to leave the drowning vessel. Something hit her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks. Looking over at the other ship, she watched as an archer was surrounded in a ring of flame. A moment later she felt the chill of blood being dried onto her clothes and then pain that threatened to bring her to her knees.

"Captain!"

"I'm fine," she snapped. “Just get us away from that ship.”

The crewman hesitated, then nodded and she stormed into her quarters, her wolf following close behind. She reached for the nearest bottle of alcohol knowing full well it wouldn’t help much, but it was the thought that counted.

“Had to be a fucking arrow,” she muttered under her breath before pulling the cork form the bottle with her teeth. She took a long drink while tugging her dagger from its sheath.

The wound burned, the pain making her dizzy as she carefully removed the arrow. It fell to the floor, and she followed shortly after it, gasping in pain. She pressed her hand to the wound and drew on whatever arcane energy she could manage. The pain lessened but didn’t subside.

Mind reeling, she reached for the arrow, checking for any signs of poison or intended adverse effects. Forcing energy into another spell, she watched as a magical aura surrounded the seemingly normal arrow. The unfamiliar curse clung thick to the projectile, she swore loudly and snapped it over her knee, the wound seething at the movement.

The rest of her body hit the floor with an audible and heavy thud as she attempted to simply will the pain away. A mass of white fur came into view. The wolf sniffed at her, nose butting gently against her hand.

She halfheartedly patted his side. “I’m alright buddy.”

In the middle of bandaging her shoulder she heard a knock on the door, immediately followed by Lander entering her quarters.

“Why didn’t you come to me when you-” he paused. “What are you doing? Let me heal you.”

“Don’t waste your energy,” she said as he stepped closer.

“Stop pulling that bullshit with me,” he scolded, reaching out and putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I already tried,” she clarified and shoved his hand away. “It didn’t do much.”

Any annoyed reply he had prepared was lost as he furrowed his brow. “What?” he asked, looking her up and down as if it would answer his question.

“Whatever the fuck kind of magic was in that arrow is some nasty shit.” She followed his gaze to the splintered arrow on the floor. “It was made to make somebody suffer.”

While he was already visibly annoyed, she could see the way his jaw tensed and the twitch in his ears. He nodded and took a deep breath that did nothing to relax him.

“Okay,” he said simply, taking the bandages from her and finishing the job.

“Thanks,” she muttered.

There was a heavy moment of silence between them before he spoke again. “You really couldn’t have had a less sadistic father?”

She laughed lightly, glad for his attempt at distracting her with humor. Despite his, at times, harsh disposition towards her, he had his own way of showing he still cared.

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If you stuck to the end of this, thanks! I appreciate it.

#dnd #dnd oc #dnd5e #dnd character #dnd backstory #dnd homebrew #tiefling #tiefling ranger #tiefling character #pirates #there's going to be so many pirates #niniyx #captain lily #rage writes

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obsessivecompulsiveperfectionist · 2 years

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Perfectionism is a Lonely Road

Doesn't it feel like no one stands up for the strong in this world? If you're good at hiding your weaknesses, at doing the things, at trying to stand up for yourself, it feels like no one is ever there for you.

People stand up to you, against you, maybe even for the people who are against you, simply because they look weak and vulnerable, and you look strong and able. You look like you can take it.

And you do take it. You take it right in the heart, where it bleeds but no one can see it. It slowly kills you, slowly eats away at you. But you have to be strong.

You have to be strong, because you don't know what else to be. Because if you don't stand up for you, you know no one else will. Because you're the strong one. Because you can take it.

But we can't take it. Not any better than anyone else. Perhaps worse, because perfectionists have a difficult time feeling any self worth outside of their accomplishments and achievements. Outside of what we do, how we do it, how we act around others.

We don't know how to be vulnerable, and because of our perfectionism, there never is a space to be vulnerable in. Because everyone is waiting for you to fail, you're the one everyone wants to beat. Your strong, your life is good. You don't need the help.

But we need the help. We need it so much. We're dying inside, our souls screaming for any feeling of self worth, of a break, of anything that can make us feel okay again.

And all society has are critics for us. Of how we aren't all that, like we don't know that better than anyone else. Of how the other person needs the help and support more, of how we're fine, of everyone taking the other person's side because they look weak, because they cry, because they look like someone who needs to be protected.

And slowly, all of that starts choking off our heart, our feelings. And we never learn to be vulnerable, because society isn't ready to acknowledge that high achieving perfectionists actually have a pretty crappy time of it. That it's not all it's cracked up to be. That we're drowning in expectations we can never meet.

Please. Please be kind. Please give us space to be wrong, to be vulnerable, to hurt and to get support. Please give us a space where we can be weak and still loved, fail and still be valued. Until we learn that our value is inherent because we are human, and not because of all the things we do.

Will I ever get someone who isn't my mom to stand up for me? Will I ever find a peer in my corner? Will there ever be a time where my side is taken? Where my story is told?

I'm so lonely. Perfectionism sucks. It's so isolating. And people and society always just seem to make it worse. They are jealous of something that they would hate if they had it, of something that hurts. Imagine being jealous of someone's cancer, or someone who couldn't walk. Don't be jealous of my pain, of my disability. Be glad that you can live a normal life with normal expectations and a healthy balance of everything. Not one where it feels like one wrong step and your entire world will crumble and everyone will hate and abandon you.

You don't want to be a perfectionist. And to any perfectionists that are in denial about how much this is hurting you, please get some therapy. There is so much more to life than what you're living right now.

Don't deny it until you have a complete mental breakdown and collapse into a severe mental illness that takes you years and years to recover from. That is even more painful. Don't do it this way. I'll be the person in your corner, on your side. Get help. Stop listening to the ideal that society says it wants. It doesn't want that. Neither do you. Please get help.

Much love. <3

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