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comicaurora · 10 months

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Hello! I wanted to send my appreciation to you as a longtime fan of OSP and Auroura! I am an English Major with ADHD and your content always makes me inspired and my English Lit. Brain very happy with how good your storytelling is.

My question is what stories inspire you to write or make you want to sit down and tell a story? Your content makes me want to work on my projects, but my Adhd only last as long as I am not disturbed (i.e. need to eat or get up and move). You have always been upfront about your Adhd so my second question is how do you keep focused on your story and not burn out? (Talking as someone who is writing a novel as their thesis)

You have been a great inspiration over the years and someone I look up to as a storyteller! I wish you focus and luck! => 💝

Woo! Interesting questions!

When it comes to inspiration, I haven't really found a pattern for what works and what doesn't. The majority of the time, only new experiences/stories I haven't seen or read before work for me - rewatches and re-reads, while much more comfortable for my brain, don't tend to translate into creative inspiration for me - but it's not like a specific genre, or even a specific kind of relaxation, consistently work for me.

The way my brain works is a bit "no take only throw", as it were. I want to just sit down and make solid, steady progress in a predictable environment with a routine, but what I need is to try new things, go outside, take risks - because all those things give me new material to work with and refill the creative gas tank. When I'm stuck, I can't just hit the gas and punch through the block - I need to back up and try a new angle.

The good part of all this is that whatever engine that's running my subconscious is actually pretty good at signaling what it needs. The ADHD brain will be repelled by activities that aren't working for it and drawn to the things it needs at the time, whether that's creative energy or exercise or cleaning or doodling or listening to music or suddenly binge-watching a show that's not even all that great, and once it's got what it needs out of it - whatever that is - it'll be repelled again, either spitting out a sudden burst of creative energy or retreating to its den to chew on whatever it got out of the experience for a more slow-building reward. Little bursts of motivation and creativity pop up all throughout the day, and if you can pivot to the activity in question - or at least note down the idea you just had - you'll be able to harness that pretty nicely.

This "system" really only works for me because I have an extremely unstructured schedule and nobody relying on me to be consistent moment-to-moment. If I'm following the creative needs of my inscrutable Better Writer In The Back Of My Head, I can't be worrying about things like a consistent lunchtime or classes or a 9-to-5. All of my observations are caveat'd by the fact that I am ridiculously lucky to have the kind of freedom of movement and schedule that I can focus entirely on getting to know my brain better.

When it comes to staying focused on any one project, I've reluctantly concluded that the only way to win is not to play. Creativity needs time and diversity to recharge, and when you stall out in any given work session, it's usually because you're out of gas. This is why I maintain several projects in varying stages of "for my eyes only"-ness - a sketchbook, private writing projects, patreon doodles, music practice; even in the large-scale projects like the channel and the comic I have multiple angles of attack at any given time, where I can as needed switch between scripting, research, drawing frames, storyboarding more plot onto the end of the comic's current draft and lining/coloring/background-ing the finalized pages of the comic chapters earlier. This lets me maintain semi-steady progress on average, even if any one facet of the process is left by the wayside for potentially even weeks at a time.

If you're working on one writing project, one novel, I'd recommend giving yourself some time to do small-scale side-hobbies. It won't feel like they're helping, but they are.

I've started to think of inspiration rather similarly to the way I think about nutrition and digestion. It's a somewhat arcane process that, despite being a part of me, I don't exactly understand what's going on under the hood. If you eat only one thing, no matter what that one thing is, you're going to end up sick because you're lacking all sorts of niche micronutrients. If you parcel out a specific space of the only things you're allowed to eat, you might not get sick (as quickly) but you're likely going to become increasingly miserable as you think of the things you're not allowing yourself to try, or slowly build up highly specific forms of malnourishment by avoiding certain things entirely. But if you start listening to your body and try eating what it says it needs at any given time - oh, I could go for a rice bowl right now, oh I don't think I'm feeling something sugary today, man I could really go for some grapes - you're likely to hit a broadly good balance of health because you're hitting a broad range of things your body needs, even if you don't know all of their names or calorie counts, and your body is putting those resources to good use without your conscious input. Between my brain and my stomach, I only trust one of those to actually understand what a stomach needs to do its thing - and between me and my creative brain, most of the time it feels like I just work here.

I hope there was something helpful in all this!

#asks #not aurora #writing stuff

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mimiwrites2000 · 7 months

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Attack On… Podcast!

Archive of Our Own

As the Attack on Titan series comes to an end after ten years, the cast is reunited in hosting a podcast, talking about their times on the set of the filming, their friendships, and all in-between.

And well, shenanigans are inevitable.

Attack on Titan acting AU, as the cast host a podcast, and interview the rest of the cast.

Episode 01

Armin: On that day, mankind received a grim reminder. We lived in fear of the Titans and were disgraced to live in these cages we called walls.

Eren: Wow, you made me travel back so many years, that was so long ago.

Armin: I know… I just love saying it, it's a cool way to start a series–

Eren: Welcome! everyone to the Attack on Titan podcast! Where we share our experiences, stories, and behind the scenes from the set of, Attack on Titan.

Armin: indeed indeed, and we are totally doing this because we want to, not because the production company is forcing us into it–

Eren: Armin–

Armin: and the marketing these days is crazy but here we are! And we are glad to have you around, we don't know how frequent these podcasts would be, but, yeah, anyway, Eren.

Eren: Y-yes? What?

Armin: How are you?

Eren: … you don't know how podcasts work, do you?

Armin: nope.

Eren: Oh Gosh–

Armin: Sooooo for our first segment, we will be reading some of your tweets from Twitter–

Eren: X, it's called X.

Armin: not in my house, so anyway, the first tweet here says, how hard was it to act with all the green screens and dots and all those effects things, while not being able to see any of those effects in real life?

Eren: Good question, I think that, being part of a project for… ten years, you just become part of the set, you know?

Armin: yeah we don't really have to imagine these effects or try to deal with things that we don't see, it's like we are there, it's like we lived those moments, we also had a really great VFX team and artists who gave very clear instructions, and they provided us with draft samples of how these effects would look like, and… well, considering the rumbling, it was quite… not easy.

Eren: you did a great job with that monologue though.

Armin: well, thank you, and do I have to mention it took me over 34 takes?

Eren: oh yeah we got to a point where we were literally reciting his speech with him.

Armin: but they ended up using the first take, which made me proud but equally pissed off.

Eren: they used the first take?

Armin: yup, and yes, you all could've been spared from memorizing that speech.

Eren mocking: get up! You useless piece of shit!

Armin laughing: Oh God.

Eren: you asshole! I-don't-know what other profanities but some sad other hate-speech things!

Armin: oh well…

Eren: no but good job, it was phenomenal, it'll get you many awards. Now for our second question, how much physical exercise do you guys do to stay in shape? I both love and hate this question, because I've never been in such good shape, but at the same time, I don't want to be reminded by all the exercises and diets we used to do…

Armin: yeah, especially you, I mean, I don't have many shirtless scenes soooo…

Eren: Oh you do have one.

Armin: no I don't.

Eren: Oh yes you do! He does! They cut the scene out!

Armin: hey no! I do not have a shirtless scene!

Eren: yeah sure, pretty sure we'll talk about that scene at one point

Armin: sooooo next question.

Eren: It'll come up, it'll come up.

Armin: so, this question says, favorite drinks? Coffee–

Eren: Rum!

Armin: ok another question, oh this is a good one, so this question says, if you have one thing to change about your characters in the finale, what would you change?

Eren: hmmm, well, for me, personally, I wouldn't change anything about the finale, it was perfect, but, I wouldn't mind more insight into their futures.

Armin: yeah I was going to say the same thing and I think it's because I'm just not over the fact that it's over, we've lived with these characters for over ten years, we can't just let go.

Eren: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Armin: Well, I mean, it's like, it's weird, you know?

Eren: Yeah I know, but I also would've loved to have more romantic scenes–

Armin: oh there he goes.

Eren: oh come on! Are you complaining about having more romantic scenes?

Armin: alright yes of course after all that pain and sadness, more romance would've been great, but at the same time, it had the perfect amount of romance.

Eren: You're just saying this because-

Armin: Eren don't–

Eren: –you don't want anyone to question that shirtless scene.

Armin: OK SO, we are done with questions for today, that's it, I don't know how they end podcasts, I don't know what I'm supposed to say here, but I guess follow us to get updates, we will have guests in the following episodes, let us know what you would like to hear, and yes goodnight!

Eren: Coward!

Armin: bye bye!

note:

If you saw misspelled words, then no you didn’t

Hope you enjoyed this! This is just a tiny fun thing I’m working on for jokes and laughs while I work on other serious projects

But… anyone wants to record these…? Let me know

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yujeong · 2 months

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A WIP self-callout post based on this meme—thank you so much @wretchedamaranth 🥺 It's always fun for me to talk about my WIPs (even when I'm not doing much progress with them haha *cries*) WIP I'm actually working on: Ahh.. to be perfectly honest, none. I mostly write down ideas and snippets that come to me about the gazillion fics I want to write. I hope that one day, I'll be able to focus on a specific one, and finish it. WIP I keep open in the background so I don't feel guilty: My VP somno fic. Obviously. It haunts my dreams at this point. Imaginary project: Hmm, I don't know how to answer that, because by imaginary, I assume it's an idea you haven't started writing yet, which doesn't apply to me because I've written notes and snippets about every idea I have. I'll just say every other VP smut idea I have besides the somno one, I guess. In my mind, they've mostly been written. On paper though, eehh... Passion project: My Kim&Pete series 😭 I love it so fucking much, these idiots mean so much to meeeeee. I want my brain to cooperate so I can finally start working on the second installment again, and then go to the third one, which will take place during the 1-month time skip we got in canon. So many wonderful angsty scenarios waiting to be written 🥹 WIP from 3 months ago: My Ep13 Pete-centric missing scene fic 😇 This one will be very short and I decided to start writing it on a whim - as I do with most of my ideas tbh - so, if I truly get down to it, I can have at least the first draft finished pretty soon. I love the idea a lot, so I hope I'll manage to do that. Side WIP: My TeeWhite fic about how White came to agree to go to the trip with Tee 🥳 I love the potential of this idea a lot, but I've set a rule on myself that I'll post at least one of my VP ideas before continuing to work on this one, so it'll take a few more months before it's posted. As you can see, I'm a canon type of girl. I love it when a show intrigues me so much that I want to explore its world and characters, so these are the kinds of fics I mostly write. No pressure tagging @xpi-x-elx, @mightymightygnomepriest, @fleet-off, @suzteel, @lu-sn, @thisautistic, @vegaseatsass and anyone else who might want to do this ❤️

#I wasn't kidding when I said I have trouble writing this year #I believe this post showcases that clearly lol #Thank you for the tag my friend you're the one who's gonna suffer from all of this in the end #I'll try to not drive you insane hahah #kinnporche the series #dead friend forever #vegaspete #teewhite #writers asks #fanfic writing #my wips

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fayoftheforest · 11 months

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HI FAY IM A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORKS AND 'SHIP IN A BOTTLE' HAD ME IN A HEADLOCK FOR DAYS /POS 🥺

Im just curious if you been working on anything lately? I miss your works and Friday ficrec events. Hope you are having a great summer tho :>

Hi there! Thank you so so much for your message, it was so sweet to read :D

I've noticed a pattern of behaviour within myself where between May to July every year, I wind up taking an impromptu hiatus from the fandom. I'm just usually burnt out from school work and my patience for buffoonery within the fandom has worn thin. Like the opposite of a bear (so functionally in this case... a vampire?) I must hibernate from the internet for three sunny months before I can return, rejuvenated, and ready to hunt for fish (or blood or something). But as you can see I'm still popping back in every so often! I don't have a set date I'll return full time, but I'd like to get back to doing ficrec Friday posts again in August, if that's something people are still interested in seeing :)

In the meantime, I have indeed been working on a few things behind the scenes! Most recently, I've returned to a longform project I've had on the back burner since last summer. It's called "Deny Me And Be Doomed" and it's a reality swap bunny AU between mild-mannered college student Butters and a dystopian-TFBW Professor Chaos >:] I had planned to write a second round of 50k words in July for Camp NaNoWriMo like I did last year, but I only made it about 9k before life got busy and I fell out of the writing habit again 😮‍💨 I wanna try to adjust my goal to a more achievable 25k this month, and 25k in august, so that hopefully I'll be able to finish the first draft by the end of the summer! And then there's just some editing and it'll be good to go :D My dream is to be able to post the first chapter on my 20th birthday, 1st of October, because I've been sitting on this project for so long and it would be so exciting to be able to finally share it with you lovely readers 🩷 I have no idea if I'll make that deadline, but hey, I can dream 🥰

#wip: deny me and be doomed #fan ask #south park #south park fic

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aghostinmyownmachine · 3 months

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dbh-adjacent writing-program nonsense under the cut, a.k.a. let's talk a bit about WriteMonkey 3

I've used WriteMonkey 2 and 3 on and off for. hm. I guess it's gotta be eight or nine years now? but those instances of use have always been erratic and short lived, and I've usually returned to either Scrivener or, more frequently for many reasons, MS Word. (I also did just a ton of first-draft writing in discord back when I had an account and c/ped my writing from there into Word. near-peerless syncing between devices, appalling security practices. what can ya do 🙃)

anyway, due to ~circumstances~ I've switched to writing on a computer that isn't my writing program–filled work laptop, and so I've been experimenting with WM3 again because it's super lightweight due to plaintext markdown instead of rich text and I have a license key for it, which = fun plugins. it's also way less complicated and labor intensive to set up per project and use than, say, Scrivener. I love Scrivener! but scriv can be overwhelming and distracting when all I want to do is write, especially if I want a unique, quick-to-set-up theme (and I always do, because Aesthetic Is Everything), which is one of the reasons WM3 is so handy

in addition to the gorgeous stripped-down UI that showcases whatever background I choose (mine can be found here!), WM3 has some really neat little plugins? I don't actually use the word-frequency checker myself, but WM3's shows you where each word appears in the document via the little indicator bars to the right of the word, which. rad! (you can tell at a glance which chapters are written in whose POV based off name usage alone and I think that's neat.) also, when you click on a given word in the frequency list, it'll highlight that word throughout the document and also display all uses of it vertically over the scroll bar path. lots of nice little visual indicators of what's going on. I just really like the design, it's simple but extremely useful and intuitive

admittedly, Scrivener cannot be beat when it comes to how easily you're able to make notes in it due to its multitude of note-taking locations, plus it has internal splitscreen capabilities that make referencing a second document a breeze, so there's definitely a mental transition involved when it comes to WM3 and its single-document-at-a-time system, on top of switching to markdown-style comments/reminders. that said! being able to not only see those comments below the headings in the left-hand sidebar but also jump to them when they're clicked? stellar 10/10 would use again

finally, the repository. I <3 the repository. being able to quickly toss whatever text I'm not quite ready to delete or info I know I'll want to reference at some point in the future into the repository is great. it's a seamless process, only a couple seconds' worth of effort required, allowing my focus to stay on what I'm writing instead of distracting myself by tabbing my way through various open files to find my notes. plus the repository is searchable(!!!!!), and using it also keeps the actual text editor clean visually, especially since the right-hand sidebar can be hidden too:

hm! possibly that is a sneak preview of chapter one! who can say!

so yeah! if you're looking for a stripped-down, highly customizable, portable writing program, I absolutely recommend it. there are downsides, of course, the biggest one being no official WM3 mobile options available at present, but since the program is both portable and plaintext, you can toss it into a syncing service and access it via your handheld devices that way. it's also not open source, and you need to pay to access the truly useful plugin features. with all that said, if you don't mind fiddling around with some CSS to make everything look juuuuuuuuust right, you can get yourself a really snazzy setup with relatively little effort. but maybe that's just me—aesthetic is king and all that

#writing programs #writemonkey 3 #detroit become human #red writes fic (sometimes)

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zmwrites · 7 months

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Happy STS!

What does your first draft look like? What kind of revisions do you do for a second, third etc? Do you drafts change a lot or a little between each?

Hi Kate!

In a perfect world, I would write a decently clean first draft, fix world and character mistakes in the second draft, fix pacing issues in a third draft, and then do line edits in the fourth and final draft.

However reality is not so kind.

Admittedly, I've only had three projects progress past the first draft stage: Indigo Wars book 1, Snapshots, and PerDeA. Remnants has a very clean first draft but I haven't started editing it because I am afraid of messing it up.

To note, I don't think I'm very good at second drafts and beyond. I know I'm not very good at editing. It's boring and repetitive and you have to read the same thing over and over again. It is the worst part of the writing process (for me)! Once I tell the story, I want it to be magically ready to be seen by the world.

But editing is unfortunately necessary. It's looked different for each project that's made it that far.

For PerDeA, my editing process was very basic as it was a short story. I just made things clearer and shorter. The first draft and the final draft were very similar.

Snapshots was, again, a very simple editing process. I didn't edit it much beyond basic comprehension. It was a very clean first draft and was only ever intended for Wattpad, so I wasn't very fussed about quality. I also had to change the names because it started out as an alternate universe project for Indigo Wars (which I will not elaborate on hahaha).

On the other hand, Indigo Wars has been a fucking nightmare. The first draft was a mess and didn't have an actual plot. The second draft was a complete overhaul with several HUGE changes to character dynamics and plot. It also introduced an entirely new second POV. Draft three solved several major problems including the repetition of plot points and some characterization problems. Draft four added more context to the second POV and fixed a few more character problems. Now I'm on draft five and I'm trying to make it shorter while not sacrificing any of the character/world building I've added in the past drafts.

For Indigo Wars book 1, it seems like with every new draft I fix one thing but create two new problems. Even now as I'm trying to get it short enough to query, there are things I'm not happy with. One of the main characters doesn't have enough of a personality AND I hate his name. Another main character, I think she comes off as immature and annoying to the point I'm not sure anyone will like her. But I've been working on it so long that I'm not sure if my perceptions are true or if I'm just sick of reading the same thing over and over and over again.

Sorry this has become so ramble-y! I am still searching for a method of editing that works for me. I hope that it'll become easier as I get more experience going beyond the first draft.

#zoe replies

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duskforged · 4 months

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State of the Author: January 2024

Normally, I wouldn't do a thing like this. However, because I have not actually updated y'all on my WIPs in a while, I thought I might as well!

We'll start with the thing most of you followed me for: long-form fiction. And I call it that since all of these will be over 15k words (hopefully). There are three novels I'm currently focusing on.

LONG-FORM FICTION

Lodestar is currently stuck in a worldbuilding spiral, since it's a near-future humanity in space. While I do love sci-fi, science and math are not especially my forte. I hope to start drafting by the end of the summer, around September.

Vespertine has started on the first draft, though I'm also outlining still - something of a combined process. I am excited to share more of it with you, though it may be tough since most of it still lives in my head. Such is the woe of the artist.

Unto Summer Kings is in the first draft and currently hovering around 15k words! So far it's the longest I've gotten on a novel, and if I stay on track I could start my second draft by May, and begin beta reading by August.

LONG-FORM FANFICTION

I hesitate a little to touch on this one, just because. However, for the pure self indulgence I will. I have three major fanfics currently posted on my AO3, all of them multichaptered.

The Hanged Man is a Naruto SI!OC as Hatake Sakumo, immediately before his death. I currently have 8 chapters out and the main beats of the fic are fully outlined as of this month, which marks a major turning point in the fic's planning.

The Ever-Growing Gloaming is another self insert, this time into the events of Baldur's Gate 3. Vespere, the main character, whose name is subject to change, has been plucked from August 2023 and has not played the game since early access March 2023. Therefore they know less than you might expect.

Finally I have my Supernatural series, For Want of a Broken Nail (Broken Nail Verse). And I know what you're going to say, it's super meta to have a self insert in that fandom, you're writing SPN fanfic in 2024 what is wrong with you, etc etc. But the concept seized me full on by the balls and I already have the first 5 seasons outlined. Sorry, not sorry? No one is obligated to read it anyhow.

I also have a billion ideas on the backburner, ranging from fandoms like Game of Thrones and the MCU (for some reason) to Avatar: the Last Airbender and Star Wars. I'll post 'em when I post 'em!

ART PROJECTS

Wolf in Shepherd's Clothing is a comic of humanity's first lycanthrope, taking place in ancient Mesopotamia, in what is modern day Iran. The main character, Lahar, is gender neutral/ambiguous. So far, I'm stuck in outlining and drafting but hopefully soonTM.

Witchboy (title wip) is a story I'm working on with my partner @fallenorpheus based on various YA novels we read growing up. So far we aren't super set on the story, but it's definitely about a boy who is (accidentally) a witch, his best friend, his adoring father, and his estranged mother.

Dame-Errant (title wip) is a story that, instead of in comic form, is a story that is illustration snapshots, accompanied by short story prose. It is about a butch knight, Dame Johana Talon, who is tasked by Queen Atossa to find her missing son, Prince Khosrow. Typical 'prince(ss) in the tower shenanigans' but then, politics. And boy does Jo hate politics.

I have other webcomic ideas (mtf vs bbeg accidentally breaking a prophecy, team of bipoc/minority characters getting thrown into a fantasy world for an adventure, etc) so feel free to ask.

PERSONAL

I hesitate to touch on this, really, since it's not something that just anyone needs to know, but I've been struggling to find a good name for myself. Hesperos is a good name, but doesn't necessarily feel like 'me' these days. I do enjoy the h/e sounds... I've considered Ezra, but that's just the name of an OC and I'd rather not get quite that meta.

Ah well, sure it'll sort itself out eventually.

THE END

Anyway, thanks for reading! I know that's quite a lot for this one post to cover, but you stuck til the very end. Not sure when I'll start posting again in earnest but I hope sooner rather than later!

#dusk in progress #progress update #writeblr

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skittidyne · 1 year

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hi skitty!! i wanted to ask how is necromancy book 2 going? i loooove love loved the first book and im excited to read the second (whenever its out, so happy to wait however long it takes u)!! anything u can share about it?

hello my beautiful anon, i love you especially

let's do bullet points! that's how i usually live my life here

the first draft* is not completed. i'm not sure it's even half done.

*large parts of it are well out of the first draft territory due to how fucked up the process of book 1 was and i never want to go through it again

i still don't have a title. it'll prob be the last thing to get finalized hhhhhhhh

no i don't know why i didn't title the thing "how 2" either

i have not worked on it actively for several months (i MOVED did you know) but for some reason viv and dana are my nighttime thoughts lately. i should harness this.

i still vaguely hope to have it out later this year.

the 75k here is 15 chapters and none of the interstitials written, since i also write those last to make them Appropriate

there's another 20.8k in deleted/need heavily edited/moved piles elsewhere in the manuscript. all of this wiggling around in a BIG part of why i don't wanna actively work on it >C

now for the actual fun bullet points!

walker is finally present in-story and in isaac's plot

thomas is full rev in his own subplot and characters (he's about to become a single father while trying desperately to woo a not-so-silver fox)

the mark & viv relationship is very painful

the viv/dana is EVEN GAYER. but. dana has nightmares. :c i'm sure this will be fine tho

chris is gonna take two levels in badass in this book and it's not even close to her final form

emil only gets one level in badass. i don't think he gets That Spell in this book. i'm not sure we can handle him having That Spell in too many books.

sam remains the goodest bean even as he peels back the curtain on isaac's motivations and finds himself agreeing with most of them.

isaac begins his villain domestication arc because the universe just wants him to be social. unfortunately, it doesn't go extremely well. the power of friendship can't fix everything!

i don't have a nosebleed count right now but obviously there should be more

do you like hammond and rory pain? you're in luck! they get bumped up a couple levels in plot relevance after their field trip to the dreamlands last book. and it's all pain! gay pain! congrats on unlocking this for them.

we'll finally meet caoimhe in person. not sure about her husband just yet. still minor but i think she and dante are gonna be the minor characters i fall horribly in love with for this project...

we'll also get to meet [REDACTED]! (hint: the book ends in a certain warehouse.) i'm very very excited. they get to be sporadically present until the big reveal at the climax, too!

other characters i'm excited about: a certain invisible stalker, who gets bumped up in appearance order for thomas' subplot. that character is one of the most changed in role and personality and i'm excited for her!

i have too many characters and i will not apologize for this. however, i will not be writing any novels with such a huge cast ever again. someone please save me via buying my books

i should work on this this weekend, hmm... someone please remind me of this in 24 hours

#how to put the romance back in necromancy #ask #anonymous

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mary-is-writing · 7 months

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An update about The Monsters Only We See

+ my future writing

Things have happened in the last couple of days and I have some news for you. They're not bad news, but relevant ones. It's about the near future of both my current project TMOWS and my future project that I'll announce soon. This is a long one, so I'll put it under a read more.

TMOWS taglist +/-: @gabelish @mel-writes-with-her-dragons

(hey sorry I don't use the taglist a lot 😬 I'll try to use it more and it's still open for anyone who wants to get added)

Things have happened and decisions have been made so sit with me for a second.

As you may know if you follow me, one of my goals for this year was that I wanted to publish The Monsters Only Wee See. I finished the final version of it around April or May (and the English translation not too long ago) and since then I wanted to get the register for copyright, ISBN and self publish of it done before this year ended. I thought I could do it in a few months at max, but then irl stuff just kept happening to me and I had to kept pushing back starting the process. Recently tho, I finally did and I got the first step done: get a special signature required for the registration. However, an unexpected turn of events occurred.

While reading about the process of it in order to know what to do next, something very troublesome caught my attention: the process could be started online, but has to be finished in person in the offices of the copyright organization for my country. This is all reasonable, of course you'd want to do an in-person procedure when it comes to giving the rights of a thing to someone. That isn't the problematic part.

The problem is that the offices are only in the capital of the country. Only there. ONLY there.

There's not like, a building per state and then HQ is in the capital like I imagined, no. Only there they are. And the capital is very, very far away from where I live. Going there by bus in NOT an option, and the plane can be expensive. I have to double check to make sure there's absolutely no option to do the procedure online, and talking to a parent about this situation, I've come to a decision.

The Monsters Only Wee See will not be published this year.

Tbh, this sucks. I really wanted to get this out by this year, but it's simply not realistic. Next year there will probably come a time where I have to move for a period of time near the capital, and then going back and forth in order to do the registration will be easier, so it'll have to wait till then. It sucks that I have to keep pushing back this project's end, but I also wanna do right by it, by getting the copyright and the ISBN and publish it properly. And who knows, maybe by then I'll be working so I'd have money to pay an actual book cover artist for the cover!! Silver linings, y'all.

So. What now? Well, since I thought I'd publish it during this year, I've also been pushing back introducing my next wip, the one I'll work in now alongside WCB. I did so as a way to keep my ADHD from ADHD-ing so I could focus on getting TMOWS out first and then working on the next one. However, since TMOWS is not gonna come out any time soon...I can now put it in the back burner and work on the next one! So that's what I'll do!!

Thus I'll be introducing a new wip sometime soon. I have to get the final details ready (like a mood board lol) in order to do a proper wip intro, but you'll be seeing it sooner than later. This also means I'll start writing the first draft for it that, technically, I've already started, but I can't decide on the hook so I've haven't done any progress at all.

So the posts about my wips will look something like this from now on:

TMOWS - Updates about the progress in the registration process.

WCB - Little excerpts and/or posts about the writing of Book 2.

New wip - Intro post for the wip and the characters, and little excerpts and/or posts about writing the first draft.

That's all I wanted to say, just an explanation of why TMOWS won't come out this year, why I'm putting it on hold for now and some preparation for the new wip. Thank you if you read until the end, and we'll see again soon.

Stay safe, stay healthy and happy writing!!

#writeblr #writing #writers #writing stuff #writers stuff #my wip #tmows #update #writing update

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bottlecaprabbitgames · 1 year

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Weekly Update for 17 December, 2022

Howdy, folks! Welcome back to the Update+! I bet y'all thought I'd forget, huh? HUH?

Anyway-

Chapter 5 is progressing nicely! I got a few thousand words in this week, bringing the rough draft up to 6,766 words! I also finished the second scene, leaving two more to go! The third one shouldn't take me long to get a draft for, but the fourth I will probably do after I edit the first scene or two.

Definitely thinking of a new editing and writing system where I write the first couple of scenes, edit the first scene, write the third scene, edit the second scene, etc etc. I think that'll help me get through editing easier than if I leave all of it for the very end, after the chapter is finished. However, for the last scenes of chapters, I'll probably get the rough draft done, start the next chapter, and come back to do another round of edits on the previous chapter and THEN do the final scene edits. It'll take longer for updates, but I think it'll help keep my brain motivated!

I actually got further than I thought I would this week; my original plans for scene two actually changed quite a bit between me re-reading them and then actually writing, and I got more in and I got it finished quicker than I thought it'd be. And... I'm really happy with it! I think the chapter so far is going really well, and I think when I start branching it out, it'll end up being a really nice hunk of content when it comes out.

In other news, I was really creatively productive this week, which has been awesome! I got 10 videos recorded, 3 videos edited, I finished... two? big crochet projects along with maybe 4-6 smaller ones, I got 2-3k words written (and I started the Adontis monthly bonus on top of that), and I even edited my Chapter 5-7 outlines in a very detailed manner. Like, I got a LOT done!!! I'm also curious... are you guys interested in me sharing my crochet accounts? I have a Linktr.ee for them, and I'd eventually like to make MG-themed art and items, but I'm not sure if you guys would be interested in that!

Okay, folks! I'll see y'all next week!!! Be safe!

#weekly update #mind games #mind games: trepidation #mg:t

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epersonae · 11 months

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ehehehehe time for fic writer asks! R, Z, AN, AP, BC, BV, and then BW, BX, and BY for carlita <3

GIRL THIS IS SO MANY

Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

fuck titles, all my homies hate titles, etc etc. I don't think I've ever come up with a title first, but I can't say never for sure, so: sometimes during, often after. occasionally it'll be a significant line from the story itself, sometimes it'll be the classic thing of looking for a song lyric (and sometimes that means you are pitching me TMG lyrics), and once I just ended up with the dumbest description and couldn't think of anything else. (Looking thru the first page of my recent works, I swear there's one of every possible methodology, and actually I think Commit to the Bit I had the title either before or very early during the writing!)

Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Carlita help (ie, for the benefit of all the broken hearts) - I say this both as a writer and about the story itself, the whole process has been a kind of extended madness, and also it's just a very odd piece altogether imho.

If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

we were talking about this on the phone yesterday! there is a scene in the next chapter of for the benefit of all the broken hearts that I would actually make good art. I also think there's some good visuals in the boss battle scene of The Reckoning Arrives that would be fun to have as art. (oooh, or Lucretia sitting at Taako's bedside after?) Oh, and Ed and Stede in the auxiliary closet in nice either way.

What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I just read the second chapter of Respawn and it's very good. This AU gets something about Stede that I really appreciate, and Izzy's intro is fucking hilarious.

Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Is it possible????? that the unnamed wife (aka carlita) of for the benefit of all the broken hearts???? has supplanted my other faves??? Which is tricky because she is more or less an OC, so I don't know if that counts.

Honestly, even though it's been ages, it might still be Lucretia, if only because I am fairly evenly split in my enjoyment of writing both Ed POV and Stede POV.

I don't think? reader reactions comes into it much, except maybe specifically your obsession with Carlita lol.

You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

THIS IS A FASCINATING QUESTION THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT. (I'm not digging it up now but I wrote a long rumination about that in re that collaborative Choose Your Own Adventure project, and trying to recognize writers I know.) Here's what I would say is particular to my unbetaed work: punctuation pokemon (gotta catch em all!), excessive parentheticals, "and then", and "is verbing". (I cautiously tag @gaypiratebrainrot who is by now exceedingly familiar with all my writing tics)

Thematically? idk. I'm pretty sure it's there, but I often don't notice those things until someone else points them out.

These three were requests about for the benefit of all the broken hearts specifically:

What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

I don't know about the longest, but I'm pretty sure this most recent chapter (13) took the most drafts and the most reworking and rethinking.

There's so much going on, and all of the characters are finally "on deck" as it were, which means there's both a ton of conflicting emotions and motivations to keep track of AND "I am bedeviled by the matter of the pronouns" AND there's important action that takes place entirely off-page, and deliberately so, which meant I was resisting the need to write what that was because it was going to be throwaway writing, but it turns out I had to in order to make it work. The bit where Mary and Ed first meet backstage I probably ended up with four drafts altogether, including once where I threw out a huge chunk and just rewrote from scratch.

(oh plus I had a real life experience that necessitated a handful of little setting tweaks)

All of which is fair, because it's a big turning point and needs to be both surprising AND make sense in context. Which means I also had to go back to earlier points in the story and adjust in order to get some sense of foreshadowing, or at least plausibility. So thank you for pitching me on the idea for what turned out to the most difficult thing I've ever written in my entire goddamn life, I guess.

Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?

I had this idea for something where Mary and Carlita would be painting together, maybe in the style of Jackson Pollack? (this may have been based on one of your pitches) And I can see it in my mind's eye but it just didn't work in context at all!

Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter?

I have two favorites, and one of them is the painting scene that I did write. I love the tension and the physicality of it. The other is in chapter 17, so a few chapters from now (YOU know the one), and I'm not going to spoil it but I like it a LOT.

[fic author asks]

#ask games #my writing #my fic #I wrote about 5000 goddamn words that were just to help me figure out a bunch of little adjustments to make to chapters 13 and 14 #but it took me that much thinking out loud to be sure #it's such a weird niche bullshit project and I have poured so much into it #I continued to be baffled at my own brain

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missycolorful · 2 years

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This path we carved for ourselves, we do not have to travel it alone

(So... in my current canon-complaint story, there’s a large csandduo scene, that I wanted to get done before Wilbur's stream but didn't. Not that I'm bothered just adding "canon-divergence," more so that I want my work to fit the characters as best as possible. And if csandduo interaction… doesn't go the way I'd like, I'd feel disheartened to go too different a route? idk, brain be weird.

Anyway, this is a very rough draft of that scene I cobbled together, so people can enjoy one interpretation of how the stream might go. I’ll likely still keep it in the story, though knowing me it'll be vastly different from the final project. Again, very rough.

ALL THIS TO SAY. Here’s a 4k c!sandduo drabble about apologies long left unsaid and a father and son trying to fix what is broken, and if everything I wrote about these two is wrong, I will cry but at least I got this out there)

With a slow, eerie creak, the door opened. Phil’s hands stilled from their stitch up work on Tubbo’s winter pants. Something about Tubbo and Tommy fighting over the last batch of cookies they had between them. Said goat hybrid sat on the chair adjacent the couch in a pair of shorts, tapping his knees and rambling about Michael. The spark in his eyes seemed to reignite now that Ranboo was back, their family reunited if not entirely as it was.

With the noise at the door, though, Tubbo’s mouth snapped shut. Phil wondered if Technoblade had returned. He came back from another journey the other day, but left once more shortly after, busy as ever. Phil glanced toward the door and—

Guilt stumbled into his chest when Wilbur tilted his head to walk through the doorway. Of course. Even though Wilbur’s presence in the cabin had been scarce, Phil still offered the cabin as a proper home for him. Yet Wilbur stood stiffly at the corner like a stranger. A tense expression wrinkled his face.

Philza straightened his posture, sitting taller on the couch. Concern etched his brow. “Hey, Wil,” he said. “D’you want something to drink? I-I should have extra snacks lying around if you need—“

“Uh, no, no, I don’t need anything right now. Well,” Wilbur interrupted. His shoulders drew rigid, the posture of a man with business to attend to. “I was sort of hoping to talk to you.”

Phil froze, fingers twitching with the needle and thread.

“Alright, that’s my cue, I’ll be taking that, thank you, Philza!” Tubbo exclaimed all in what felt like one breath, shattering the tension that was thick as steel. He stood up, yanked the cloth from Phil’s grasp, and began to exit the house.

“I, fuckin—Tubbo, I didn’t even finish—“

“And if I get frostbite on my ass, that’ll be the consequences of my actions. Bye!” With a single, curt wave, Tubbo was out the door in seconds, slamming it shut with more force than necessary. Even Wilbur cringed slightly from the sound.

Philza tried to show off his best poker face. Wilbur continued to stand close to the corner, and nothing was being said, so naturally, Philza’s mind liked to wander and assume the worst of this future conversation.

His mind was scattered, but the unsettling feeling was not unfounded. Not after the last time Wilbur and he spoke, though that was more akin to a one-sided shouting match on Wilbur’s part.

“How could you do that?” Wilbur shouted, right in his face, a snarl curling his lips and revealing gritted teeth. “After all he’s done, you just let him out!”

Philza forced himself to keep still, to not recoil at the sudden rise of anger bursting from Wilbur like a prodded balloon. Things had been going swell until Tommy walked in to join the two. The conversation, some way or another, led to Wilbur discovering Phil helped Dream escape prison and forced a frazzled Tommy to deal with his abuser all over again. Phil dragged a calloused hand over his eyes,

“It was... it was just business, like I told Tommy. Technoblade had his own thing to do, and I was just... making sure nothing went wrong.”

“Business? You just let out a criminal ‘cause it’s business?” Wilbur continued, and Tommy stood beside him, awkwardly at that. He never once spoke up. He eyed Wilbur every time his voice rose or he mentioned his name, but otherwise, the boy held no courage to discuss his struggles. “Since when were you buddy buddy with the guy, Philza?”

“We’re not friends,” Phil spat with no hesitation, offended by the notion. “Not like I ever gave a shit ‘bout him.”

“But you still let him out, don’t you understand? You’re responsible for making Tommy afraid for his own life again. You can’t just say you feel bad now, it’s too late. Not after what Dream put Tommy through.”

“Okay, ‘cept I barely know what he's ever done to Tommy,” Phil said, irritation riling like a volcano ready to erupt, but he had to keep it under the surface. He wasn't going to fight against his son; he couldn't. He threw his arms out. "Fuck’s sake, I still barely know shit 'bout a lot of things."

Wilbur shook his head in disbelief, a sickly grin on his face. “Wh-you can't be serious."

"I can't know everything going on in this server, Wil," Phil pressed, shoulders sagging as if to emphasize his exhaustion.

"But I know," Wilbur replied, his voice low. "I've been back a lot less than you have. I know plenty, and I know you made a mistake." He gestured with a finger close to Phil's heart.

"Okay, I'm aware of that now," Phil bit back, voice rising as it inched somewhere between anger and desperation. Because it wasn't fair it wasn't fair...

"But that's the problem. After all this time, you didn't know? Do you really care so little? Or are you playing ignorant, old man?” he asked in a honey-suckle voice that had an acidic exterior. And hearing Wilbur speak to him like that hurt worse than any punch or sting.

“No, it’s that no one fucking tells me anything!” Philza snapped back against his viciously pounding heart. Blood pumped in his ears drums, a cacophony of noise, noise, noise. “How can I help if I’m kept in the dark all the time? What good can I do when I don’t know fuck all about you?!” He clamped his mouth shut before the tides came crashing in, but the damage was done, the sand swallowed by sea. His chest heaved.

The fire in Wilbur's eyes was more like an ember, as opposed to the billowing inferno from a minute ago. He took a moment to respond. “You never asked,” he whispered, the change in his tone threatening to cause whiplash.

Something lodged in Phil’s throat. A million thoughts surged through his brain like lightning striking flat land.

I wanted you to come to me.

I was afraid to.

I didn’t think you’d want me to.

Phil released a long and painful breath. “Y-yeah, you’re right... I-I couldn’t... I didn’t.”

No one said a word. Phil wondered if the world would shatter if a floorboard creaked, or one of the crows made a sound. Wilbur looked down, eyebrows furrowed. Phil was afraid to decipher his expression, so he gripped his chair and stared at the ground.

“I-I-I need to go,” Wilbur hastily said, turning on his heel and throwing the door open. “C’mon, Tommy.”

Tommy didn’t even look back at Philza before following Wilbur through the door, which was slammed shut. The picture above shuddered before going still. Phil collapsed into his chair, burying his face in his hands.

It had been over a week since then. Phil didn’t know where his son had gone off to in that time, or who he talked to. Wilbur had been in the midst of seeking redemption and forgiveness when he had thrown open Philza’s door with Tommy lagging behind him. Now he was back, he was alone, and he looked tired.

Did Wilbur learn about Phil’s hand in New L’manberg’s destruction? Or anything else that would break the camel’s back?

It was all coming together, Philza realized. For all he knew, Wilbur was here to rescind his forgiveness toward his father, because it was Phil’s fault, after all. He was here to tell Phil he never wanted to hear from him again. The thoughts crept through his mind for months and never relented, but now Frankenstein's monster was coming alive, but there was no kindness here, only cruelty and truth. Philza would not be okay with it for a long time, but at least the worry about what if's would no longer plague his mind like an illness as to whether his son even wanted him around or not—

“Phil?”

A voice spurred him from his spiraling. Phil flinched, and he sunk back into his body. He grabbed his cane to help himself to his feet. Blue eyes returned to Wilbur. “If you need to talk, we can. You don’t need to stand there the whole time,” he said, whirling around to step into the kitchen. “Go ‘head and sit down, I can grab some wate--“

“I’m leaving.”

Phil’s hand had been on the doorway when he stopped. His grip tightened, hiding the trembling of his fingers. Don’t turn back, don’t look back.

“What’s that?”

“I’m leaving the server. And I'm not really coming back.”

Fuck. Phil glanced over his shoulder. Wilbur’s hands were shoved into his pockets, and he stared directly at Philza with weary eyes. He had the face of a man who had seen several lifetimes.

Did something happen?

Is everything okay?

I just got you back.

Let me help you.

“O-oh,” Phil struggled, leaning heavily onto his cane. “Okay. That’s... you know, maybe it’ll be good for you to... to get away from all this." Phil gestured vaguely into the air before slapping his hand back at his side. "If you think that's best, go out and explore, mate. Has, uh, everything be going good? Wi-with everyone you’re talking to?”

Wilbur nodded. “Yeah, it’s been...” He carded through his hair, and lowered himself onto the couch. The fire cackled right beside him, casting orange shade to the side of his face. “It’s been hard, not gonna lie. But reaching out to everyone was for the best. It helped a lot. I learned a lot, too.”

Phil nodded, hurrying to grab a pair of glasses. He returned and placed two cups of water onto the coffee table. As Phil rounded the table, Wilbur spoke up.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Wilbur brought one leg to his chest, leaning his cheek against his arms as they rested on his knee. “Why did you do it? Blow up L’manberg, I mean?”

There was nothing accusatory to his voice, no anger, no disappointment. It sounded like a simply, curious question, like asking someone how they wanted to spend the day. Not asking why someone would commit terrorism.

It didn’t calm the worry seeping into Phil's skin. “Who told you?” he asked, a genuine question as opposed to anything blunt or demanding.

“A few people, actually. Tommy, for example, but th-that’s not what’s important here,” Wilbur made vague gestures with his hands as he spoke. He scratched at his hairline. “I’m asking why you did it.”

He tried so hard to read his son’s tone, but the boy seemed to do well in concealing what lied in his heart. Like he wanted to throw a sucker punch only when it would hit the hardest. But Phil would never be ready for the sudden blow. He sat in the chair closest to Wilbur, his hands clasped in his lap.

“Mate, I… fuck, whatever version of L’manberg you made was not the one I saw. You weren’t there to see th-the…” He gestured weakly with a hand. “How fucked the government was. All these people getting corrupted by greed and shit and-and…” His voice petered off, and he whispered, “And seeing that that country... i-it destroyed you. And I didn’t want that to happen again. That's... that's why, really.”

“I see,” Wilbur muttered, straightening his posture. His eyes drifted toward his hands, buried in the fabric of his worn pants.

“You know, I helped start building it back up. I wanted to help,” Phil continued, thinking back to his first days in the server. The air still tasted like ash, but among the ruins, there was beauty to be found underneath, he just knew. And Phil wanted to seek it, only to later discover the ugly in the cracks and corners. He sighed, a tragic smile playing on his lips. “It just all fell apart. I dunno what happened, but... would you believe me if I told you I did it ‘cause I care?”

“Even if it destroyed the homes of the people who say you care about? Tubbo and Tommy were quite upset by it--”

“Lot of people were hurt by that place. Niki and Ranboo told me themselves. Just… I swear, if you were there, you’d understand,” Phil emphasized, leaning forward, his fingers twitching from how close they were to his son’s hands. How he desperately sought to hold them and never let go. He shook his head. “I’m trying, I really am.”

“Somehow, I understand,” Wilbur said, his voice a touch far away. “Seeing as that was, well, part of my reasons.”

"Is... really?” Phil tried desperately to hold back how desperate he sounded, because that split moment of connection meant more to him than anything else in that moment.

“You see, Phil,” Wilbur’s curls bounced over his eyes when he tilted his head toward his father. He stapled his fingers together. “You destroyed it out of regard for others--perhaps yourself, as well, I can assume. Pretty drastic actions for it, but who am I to critique that? ‘Cause I, too, saw my own country fall into the hands of a tyrant. Just-just the mere existence of that country, the one I built, created tyranny. So I destroyed what had to be destroyed, but…”

“But?” Phil pushed, leaning forward to place a hand on Wilbur’s knee. I’m here I’m right here.

Wilbur leaned back, his guarded expression on full display. A smile tugged at his lips, one that did not meet the exhaustion that sunk his eyes. “Except your wrong. Well, at least about the old L’manberg. The new one, my memories are... faint, happy, but all of Ghostbur’s memories are, so they’re not that helpful. But the thing is, Philza, is that L’manberg didn’t destroy me.” He kicked his leg up to cross it over his other knee, prompting Phil to retract his palm. “I was the bad guy, it was all me, the system I created. I started my own downfall because I was a terrible person who did terrible things. I hurt all those people, and... you were right, when we last spoke. Y-you have no idea how much I’ve done.” And through it all, he smiled, though it wavered the longer he spoke.

“I...” Word abandoned Phil. What was he supposed to say, what could he say he had to say something!!

“I’ve done so much wrong, and I died because that’s how it was supposed to happen. Yet here I am,” Wilbur shook his head, eyes misting over, “sitting across my father, who just… accepted me in his house without question, and all these people I’ve hurt are forgiving me way too easily, and I don’t get it. You all should be afraid of me, fuckin’ hate me, so… why not?” he asked, looking Phil directly in the eye, practically pleading for some semblance of understanding. The walls were tumbling down, his expression completely open, utterly heartbreaking.

And Philza’s face crumbled. He turned away to fight back against another tsunami of emotions that assaulted him. And Wilbur was waiting for him to say something, but now, now he had an idea as to what to say.

Because Wilbur truly was his son, because he had been staring at a version of himself, one still forging his path.

“You know that, uh, I have done some bad things too,” he began, trying to keep everything under control. For now. “I’m a fucked up guy, I’m not perfect--well, none of us are, but… god, you don’t even know the extent of all the shit I’ve done…” His smile faded. “Though you know plenty about what I’ve done here.”

“Like you guys breaking Dream out of jail--god, Phil, that was so fuckin’ stupid--”

“I didn't know," Phil again argued, in vain, so he added, "It’s why I’ve been trying to help Tommy, as a way to apologize. But all that? Would you say I’m a bad guy?”

Wilbur didn’t respond right away, the gears in his head turning. “In someone’s story, perhaps," he said.

“Alright, fair, that’s fair,” Phil conceded, nodding. "I know what it looks like to others, the things I did. I’m not stupid. I must look like the biggest dick.” He pressed a hand against the wrinkled folds of his pants, smoothing the fabric. “But that’s… the world isn’t that simple, never was. Villains, heroes, it’s all in stories, nothing more. At worst, we just do bad things, even if we think we have good reasons.” He glanced out the window, thinking back to the afternoon when he had returneded to this cabin on a day where smoke from what was once L’manberg could still be seen, even from afar.

How there was no feeling of satisfaction or joy or even anger or resentment. There was no catharsis. That would imply Doomsday was to make him feel good, when he wanted to bury everything that trembled inside of him in debris and ash.

“But after everything I’ve done," said Wilbur, again dragging Phil from deeply hidden memories, "my friends forgave me. Shouldn’t they hate me?”

Phil thought about his conversation with Kristin, about cavorting death and about second chances, and he shook his head. “I think it’s why you were given a second chance--”

“But Phil, Dream was just using me against Tommy. That’s the reason he brought me back.”

Philza sneered. Great, another piece to add to the pile that made it really hard to just not find and kill Dream on the spot. “I--well, I’m… I’m talking in the more whole, like, universal way. Fuck Dream, doesn’t matter why he did that. But you came back, and you’re given a chance to work things out with everyone you hurt, because you do care about them. That’s what’s important.

“Wilbur.” Phil stepped forward on weak knees and placed both his hands on Wilbur’s shoulders. Wilbur glanced up at him, looking small and younger. “You shouldn’t have died that day. I don’t care if Kristin even says it was supposed to happen. It fucking--I think every day about it, it was so fucked up. You deserved to come back and be alive.”

Wilbur’s jaw dropped, the wrinkles around his eyes emphasizing a deep sadness that twisted Phil’s heart. “But what do I do now, Phil?” he nearly begged. “I’ve gone to almost everyone I want to give forgiveness to, but after that… where does my story go from here?”

"Stories, that's..." Phil’s fingers tightened on his son’s dirty, dirty coat. He needed to give that a good wash later. He sighed. “You just live, mate.”

“But what does that mean?”

Phil’s mouth fell open, but no words came out. Maybe years and years ago, he’d be upfront and tell him that he wanted to give a good answer but couldn’t, and that was that. Because he had been lost and confused and had let eons of survival consume everything about him.

“I don’t know any legit answer, if there’s even one. F-fuck if I know, but...” But the years had made him soft. So his face, too, softened, as he said, his smile pained but honest, “Just... do better than me.” He squeezed Wilbur’s shoulders. “Be better than me, Wilbur. I think you can do that much.”

Wilbur’s lip quivered, and for a brief second, Phil thought oh god, that didn’t help at all.

Until Wilbur rose to his feet and threw his arms around his back, dragging Phil into a strong embrace. With his heart hammering in his chest, Phil scrambled to wrap his arms around his son. Against his shoulder, Wilbur took in a shuddering breath. Philza fell silent, at a loss for words. All he knew what to do was refuse to let go of his son, never again. Then...

“I’m sorry, Phil,” Wilbur muttered into Phil’s shoulder.

Phil adjusted himself to pull Wilbur back, as he assessed what was going on. Confusion swamped his mind. After all, Wilbur said he had asked for forgiveness from almost everyone he wanted, but… no, that didn’t make sense. Heavy stones sat in Phil’s gut.

“Mate, I...” He scoffed. “Sorry, but what’re you apologizing to me for?”

Wilbur’s eyes furrowed. “Huh?”

“I’m just, that's not how..." Phil shook his head. "I-I killed you. That literally gives you a free pass in-in not needing to apologize. I…” He tried to pass off a laugh, but it was weak. “I don’t even know why you’d apologize.”

Wilbur considered for a moment, arms crossed. “Y’know, for a bit there, in limbo… there was a time where I wasn’t… happy with what happened. What you did. I… I think I hated you.” Blue eyes met brown, and honesty carved every feature of his face.

Phil nodded, gulping back the bile in his throat. “And you have every right to--”

“But now, Phil?” Wilbur straightened his posture and stared down at his hands, like they were stained with uncleansed blood of the past. “Being brought back and seeing what I had done to everyone, including you--”

“Wilbur, I hurt you,” Phil emphasized hurriedly, and he didn’t want to fight his son on this, but if Wilbur truly wanted to insist on it, then he’d gladly rage into war. It was better than this! “I should be the one apologizing, not you." His body sagged, and he clasped his hands onto Wilbur's wrists. "Because I am sorry. I carried that grief with me every fuckin’ day, because I promised I’d do anything to get you back. C-couldn’t even do that, though… I fucked up, and my mistake fucked you over, too.” He brushed a hand over his face, feeling the burn of tears against his eyes,. “And I-I’m sorry for that, but I’m not letting you apologize for dying.”

Wilbur blew air through his nostrils. “That’s not fair, Phil!” he exclaimed, stepping back and throwing his arms out. “You tell me to go out and apologize to people, and everyone knows I’ve done terrible things and treated them horribly. And now you’re telling me what I can’t apologize abo-“

“That’s not...That’s not the point.” Phil sighed, digging his fingers between his eyes. The heavy weight of the conversation dragged over his back, threatening to pull him under. He reached over for his cane before his legs betrayed him. "What reason could--"

Once he gathered himself, his eyes locked on Wilbur, whose attention was directed at something beside Phil. More specifically, to his right, where his tattered wing twitched against the floorboard. The distance in deep brown eyes reflected how far into the past Wilbur was drifting as his focus sharpened on matted feathers.

“Wilbur,” Phil said, voice stern but not cruel. Determined. Wilbur's eyes were glazed over when his gaze returned to his father. “I’d do it again if I had to.”

Wilbur’s eyes fell shut, and he took a long and steady breath. He dragged both hands through messy brown curls, locking his hands together atop his head. When he opened his eyes, they were stone cold. “Did you know after my talk with Fundy he threw himself off a cliff?”

“What?” Horror washed over Phil like a freezing tidal wave.

“Yup.” Wilbur slapped his palms over his legs. “Jumped right off. He’s still around, but… did it right in front of me. He was just that sick of me.” He smiled, though the tears in his eyes said enough.

“Christ, Wil--“

“But that’s when I realized,” Wilbur's voice fell so quiet, Phil just barely managed to catch it. He folded his arms across his chest again. "That… there is nothing worse than watching your son kill himself. And he didn’t even put a sword in my hand; he just… jumped. B-but I forced you into this position, asked you to kill me. Isn’t that horrible?” He blinked at his father with eyes that were staring far away, where the memories were firmly stored, never to be forgotten.

Phil thought about that moment, and how in that moment, when Wilbur shoved the sword into his shaking hands, the world felt small and condensed, a tragic thing for someone who didn’t do well with tight spaces. How his throat tightened, because he had no idea how to handle that kind of situation, he didn’t know the right thing to say. How mind was spinning, his back was horrifically numb, and the world was screeching and loud against his eardrums...

And he killed his son.

A particularly hard breath caught in Phil's throat. “Well, isn’t it horrible that I listened? I--why the fuck--” His hands clenched, tense before he dragged them across his face. He coughed out a bitter sigh. “I can’t answer that, Wil.”

Wilbur deliberated, then looked back down at his hands, at the grime in his fingernails and the dust in the carves of his palms. “I’ve come to understand that forgiveness isn’t just about me, it’s about... the person I’m asking to forgive me. Gives them closure, o-or at least it can. Might not always, but… they can heal and move on, rather than sit in the damage I’ve done.” His head tilted back up, hands still splayed right by his chest. “You said you want me to live, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“We both hurt each other, and we both did stupid shit, but… if you forgive me, if I’m allowed to live,” he said, pointing to himself, and when he spoke again, he poked Phil gingerly in the chest, “so are you.”

“... You know I’d forgive you in a heartbeat. For anything, no holds bar.” The weight of the words, their honesty and depth and love, threatened to crush the world and kill all in its wake. His eyes felt damp, and he hurried to brush the tears away. His hands were shaking. How long had they been like this?

“And I forgive you, Phil, I really do,” Wilbur said, unaware of how Phil’s heart leapt against his chest because this was too good to be true. He ducked his head, curls hiding the top half of his face. “You know, someone told me that, after he gave me his forgiveness, I had one other person--besides you, mind you--I had to forgive. That being myself. And I’m still not…" He sighed, his body dragging with the rhythm of his exhale. "I have no idea how to do that, but... I’m gonna get there.”

Phil began to hesitate, ready to sit back on the sidelines, but realized he didn’t need to. “Can I join you?”

Wilbur peeked over, side eyeing Philza with a small smile. “I’d rather you did.”

“Gods,” Phil let out an awkward laugh, more out of feeling the stress roll of his back than anything else, “when did you get so smart?”

“Don’t give me any credit, someone else smacked me with a load of truth earlier. Really made me open my eyes.” Wil's focus fell toward the window, where a bunch of blond curls suddenly disappeared from view. “And talking to everyone else, too. It really helped, actually. Thank you, Phil.”

That broke the dam, and the tears were thick as they overwhelmed him.

Wilbur reached out into a drawer in one of the chests and retrieved a box of tissues. He offered it to Philza, a playful smile on his lips. “Never seen you cry this hard, Philza. Gone soft on me since I was gone?”

Phil snickered, wiping the tears off his face. “Oh, I’ve been a fuckin’ softie for a while now; you just never noticed. Have been since you came around, to be honest.”

“Oh,” Wilbur muttered, his face calming. He grinned, his hands tugging into his coat pockets once more. “Guess everything’s my fault then. Sorry about that, too,” he added, though Phil had trouble distinguishing whether the apology was genuine or a mere tease.

“Ah, shut up,” Phil said regardless, tossing aside the tissue box. “‘S a good thing. You can’t help that you made me feel human. For the first time, like, ever.” He shrugged.

“R-really?”

“Oh, ‘course.”

“And I’m assuming that’s a good thing?”

“I’m still working on it, but it’s pretty good if I do say so myself.”

#philza #wilbur soot #c!sandduo #dsmp fanfic #dream smp fanfiction #c!wilbur #sand duo

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ivorydice · 1 year

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( beginning of the year writer asks ) 8 , 10 , 12 , & 17 ?

8. Is there any projects you're starting this year?

I hope many successful projects lol! That is the dream! I think most of the stuff I'm planning to work on aren't new things, aka they're stuff that needs to be reworked or hit the second draft phase or continued from where it's left off, etc, so I don't know if they count lol. If they do count then definitely starting the second draft of my whumpy angsty FFXV fic in which Gladio and Noct get booted down a mine shaft and they suffer for it.

A new project I definitely want to start this year is my Merlin/Mordred s5 au enemies-to-secret lovers longfic, because I can't handle just daydreaming about it anymore, but I'm not sure if that should count since it's a super self-indulgent fic project lol and I'm not sure if it'll even get shared or not XD

I've also been considering getting a Bad Things Happen Bingo card, so that might be like a whole project in itself XDD

I don't want to overwhelm myself though. I'm just gonna go where the inspiration takes me lol.

10. Do you have a goal for this year for your writing? Any word count? A genre you want to mark off?

I'm still trying not to put too much pressure on myself, so no set word count, but I do want to try and make writing more of a habit this year. I'm going to try and write nearly every day if not every day. 400 words a day shouldn't be too hard right? Right??? I'd like to increase my productivity and speed, really, since I'm currently too slow lmao.

Another goal is to just finally get my fic Nemo finished!! It's a FFXV fic about Noct being kidnapped by the empire and turned into a weapon for Niflheim, and I love that fic and I want to see it done already!

12. If you haven't created any, will you create any OCs? Will you create more OCs?

For fanfiction stuff, the only OCs I tend to create are side characters to help drive the plot along in the stories, I don't really make OCs that are intended to be main characters or have any sort of big focus on them.

I do have an OC that was inspired by Legend of Zelda and Pokémon, she was made to be able to be inserted into the likes of Ocarina of Time or Pokémon or even FFXV at a push, so I might develop her more this year and see if I can make a project out of her.

17. Any AUs you want to try this year?

I'm not really big on writing full AUs (though I don't mind reading them!), I like to write AUs that play around with canon things. I'm not sure really, maybe some AUs with good uncle!Ardyn, I never get tired of exploring what could have been with him :D Or maybe some AU where Noct gets to be a badass in front of the kingsglaive and gets to lead them in war.

Thanks so much for the ask!! :DDD

Beginning of the Year Writer Asks

#replies #ask game answers #oftincturedwords #boy i sure hope this makes sense lol sorry it's rambley i have a cold boooooo

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hideyseek · 1 year

Text

12.15.2022

hmm started talking to myself about the writing process during my lunch break so i wanted to jot some ideas down while they're fresh. lots of fic talk below the cut, mostly about reunion!fic, which i'm writing for the kazetsuyo january fandom event.

i'm definitely worried about my ability to produce all of the writing i want to / need to / am promised to produce by the end of this year! mostly i am worried about reunion!fic, which i'm writing for kazeweek 2023! and also i am juggling my secret saito fic. i've never had two writing projects w/ deadlines in the same overlapping space (bc never been active in two fandoms at once) however, i am reminding myself that: 1. i am a much faster writer than i was two years ago! 2. it will be fine!!!!! (can u tell i simply did not have a second thing but wanted to commit to this list format lol)

here are the things i'm not too sure about:

what will the revision process look like? i don't really remember what it was like to thoroughly revise a piece of writing because the last time i did that was ... like jul/aug of 2020 which is now 2+ years in the past

i really want to make sure i'm making interesting narrative choices with what happens in reunion!fic, and part of that is just: i want to make sure i'm not writing the same thing that has been written four million times already! i've done a fair amount of trawling through ao3 reading things tagged "reunion" or "10 years later" or other similar tags, but i'm just not particularly good at this kind of thematic story pattern-matching or narrative elements synthesis. there are a few fics about group reunions (well, one in particular) that i have read and LOVED, so at some point in the revision process i might reread and try to poke at what makes me love them so much.

however!!!!! i will be saved by tvtropes! i did a really quick search this morning before work, and there are a couple pages about reunion stories that i'll take a look at that can hopefully help me pull back and take a more bird's eye view of the story and where it's going.

i don't remember at what point i used to like, split off and just start rewriting the whole fic essentially from scratch in a clean doc. no idea how i used to do that, the thought of having to do this for reunion!fic is ... hugely intimidating and i really don't want to. i'll need to come up with some strategies for how i can do that same revision work but ... not in that one large chunk, but i have ideas. in terms of at what point to move to a new doc ... not sure! i would love to decide beforehand but i don't actually think that's necessary. oh -- no i just remembered: i moved stuff when i was going to start working on it. so after i piece together the down draft, i'll copy the whole thing into a new doc and work off that for my first round of revisions, and then send that copy to betas, and then create a THIRD doc with the raw content of the second draft to work on as i go through beta comments. this is fully just: i love archiving things sooooo much. but hey! it'll work, it'll separate things into pretty distinct stages. i think it will work fine, and i can always reflect and revise the process afterward.

anyway! i was thinking through the strategies that got me to the final draft of a to b (or really, anything else i've finished before) and, i think they are:

revising in chunks -- one thing i did especially close to the final draft was to pull out the scene i was editing and rework it in a separate document and then paste it back into the "main" document. i think this will also serve me well with reunion!fic. i've noticed that i tend to get overwhelmed when faced with large chunks (more than a couple hundred words) of writing to either produce or "make good" (a task that is unfortunately completely distinct in my mind form the actionable task of revision). i'm hoping that deliberately

revision wishlist -- this is not something i did when writing a to b but i've seen some writers on here talk about it, and it appeals to the part of me that works best given essentially, a checklist of goals to work through systematically. i think once i've got my rough / down draft completely (likely today, mainly pulling from my organizing doc of previous draft material and my drafting ("outlining" lol) doc that i've been putting tiny scenes into in the last week), i'll read through it and make notes of anything that i notice that is ... not what i'm looking for in the final draft. i might need to do this a few times, with varying levels of verbally guiding myself, some things i want to check are: pacing, haiji's emotional arc (does it exist?), whether the tension is being sustained/raised through scenes or if it diffuses in places i don't mean for it to, consistent characterization (or at least, believably older!haiji characterization, my number one nemesis aha).

i suspect that having a poetic or musical emotional "anchor" for the fic will help a lot, that definitely helped guide some smaller tone/mood (sorry to my english teachers i kinda don't know the difference) decisions for a to b. however ... this time i do not have a convenient buddy to send me music, and i am simply: not very skilled at mentally linking these things. well ... i also thought about going through some web weavings on here for the vibe and then seeking out the full texts. or i'll just go through my tag for reunion!fic and hope that past!me did my proper duty haha.

lol ok. cool. i am very excited!!! but also very nervous!!!

#godddd i cannot believe i have to GO BACK TO WORK instead of just... working on my little fanfictions!!! horrible #hidey speaks #hidey talks fic #do i have any tags for this lol. here it is i guess

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