#it’s like TOG all over again

[thegayguard]

I've seen like 4 posts just today coming up with scenarios as to how Booker got his nickname and i just.

Is it not common knowledge??? His name is Book. Sébastien Le Livre. Sébastien The Book. Technically Sébastien means revered so if we're being pedantic his name is essentially The Good Book like the bible or whatsit but yeah. Le Livre is French for The Book.

#the old guard #sebastien le livre #booker #tog booker #its like the c4 scene all over again #he wasnt cutting cheese or playdo or w.e. yall it was explosives #c4 that he uses like 5 min later

[danikamariewrites]

Sixth Sense

Azriel x Reader

A/n: Azriel is my favorite bat boy. Like gosh I just love him and he deserves love. I can’t wait for his book fr I need his thoughts and for him to say more than 5 words. I also love exploring the soft side of Az it’s just so cute. My requests are open so feel free to drop anything in there acotar, tog, or cc ❤️

Warnings: none just fluff

“Oh he so does not!” You say not totally convincing yourself.

Sitting at the kitchen island, Nesta rolls her eyes, next to her Feyre tries to hide her laugh behind her hand. “Come on, don’t lie to yourself. Azriel has a weird sixth sense for you.”

You and Azriel have only been dating for a year. It took a lot for him to introduce you to his family. He was afraid to share you, especially since he’d been on a little bit of a protective streak lately.

Feyre and Nesta have picked up on his over protectiveness and now Nesta is teasing you about his new found sense for you. “Ok let’s test it then. The bats are up in Rhysands office, we’ll hide and you call out for Azriel but only once. If he comes running within 5 seconds then I’m right.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you put your hands on your hips glaring at Nesta. “Ok, you’re on.”

“Yes! Ok Feyre, let’s go.” The sisters rush over to hide in the walk-in pantry waiting to be proven right.

You knew they were right. Azriel always had a weird way of knowing if you needed help, were upset, or just craved being near him. It was nice, being looked out for by the person you loved most in the whole world. And you don’t mind his over protective nature, you know why he’s like that. Azriel is just scared to lose you, you’re the most precious thing in the world to him.

As much as you don’t want Nesta to be right you do want to test her theory. Besides, it’s been hours since you’ve last seen Azriel’s pretty face and you miss him.

Opening the mug cabinet by the stove you climb up to kneel on the counter, making it look like you were trying to reach his favorite one. Taking a deep breath you yell, “Azriel!”

Silence. You strain your ears, sure Nesta and Feyre were doing the same from their hiding spot in the pantry. Milliseconds later you hear a door from upstairs fly open, heavy footsteps, and then there he is.

His beautiful, short black hair looks so soft you want to run your fingers through it. His tall figure takes up almost the whole doorway. The flecks of red and gold on his wings catch in the fae lights making them look ethereal. His gorgeous hazel eyes are focused on you like you’re the only person in the whole world. Wait, is that panic in his eyes? And face?

You finally notice you’re smiling at him like a love sick idiot as he clears the room in a few strides. He wraps his arms around your waist. “What’s wrong my love? Are you hurt?” Placing your hands on his chest you give him a soft, loving smile dipping your head. You almost feel bad for interrupting his meeting.

“Can you get that mug for me?” Azriel sighs, smiling while lifting you off the counter. He reaches up to the top shelf still keeping one arm around your waist. Azriel hands you the mug, kissing your forehead.

“Is that all you needed me for my love?” Azriel cradles your face stroking your cheek with his thumb. Still smiling up at him like a love sick idiot you nod. “Sorry, I know you were in a meeting with Cass and Rhys. But I also just wanted to see you.”

“No need to apologize my love, I’ll always come when you call for me.” You swoon feeling yourself fall in love with the male in front of you all over again. “I love you Az.” Standing on your tiptoes, wrapping your arms around his neck, your lips meet his in a soft kiss. You feel him smile against your lips and he reluctantly pulls away.

Azriels hands hold your waist, “I have to go back upstairs, but we should be done soon and then I’m all yours.”

“And we can read together?” He nods, “Yes my love.”

“And you’ll let me lay on your chest? And play with my hair?”

Azriel lets out one of those rare soft laughs, “Yes my love, we’ll do all your favorite things.” He lets go of you and gives your forehead one last kiss before turning and walking out of the kitchen back to Rhys’ office.

Still smiling like the lovesick fool you are, Nesta and Feyre come out of the pantry startling you. “Gods! I forgot you two were still here.” You clutch at your chest trying to calm your heart rate.

Feyre is looking at you with the biggest smile and Nesta is smirking. “Soooo…my theory?” Nesta says with an air of cockiness.

“Fine you’re right. But I love it.” You sigh looking back at the entrance to the kitchen counting down the minutes until his meeting is over.

#acotar fanfiction #acotar reader imagine #acotar reader fic #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fluff #azriel fanfic #Azriel shadowsinger x reader #azriel x reader #azriel x you #Azriel imagine #azriel fic

[abruisedmuse]

Yall are delusional if you think Nesta is going to leave Cassian or the night court. First, they are mated. Not just mates. Mated. They accepted the bond, and SJM loves her Heas. It's a done deal. So either keep reading and deal with it or drop the series and find something you enjoy. Not to mention if they even could break the bond, how empty and broken Nesta would be for eternity. You really want that for her?

HOFAS happened three months after acosf. There's still alot of healing on Nesta’s part. Just because she saved Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx doesn't mean things are swept under the rug with them. Her and Cassian are both fiery and stubborn. They are going to have arguments. Honestly, it's perfectly normal for them to argue on occasion.

This. What Nesta did in HOFAS. Went beyond her and Cassian, beyond Rhys. This was a decision that Nesta should not have made herself. Yes I understand that she saw Bryce's desperation and understood her. She probably put herself in Bryces shoes for a moment. She took a chance. But it's a huge fucken chance because they don't know nor trust Bryce fully. And if she failed the whole of Prythian/Midgard is fucked. They have nothing to defend themselves against the weaponry Rigelus has. They will all die. Including Nesta Archeron.

Rhys had every right to scold her. And Her saying he's not her High Lord isn't accurate. She lives in his lands. Whether she wants to admit it or not. If any of the courts got wind of what was happening with Bryce or that Nesta gave this mask up to a stranger from another world do you know who would be faulted? Not Nesta. Rhys and Feyre would. They would suffer the consequences because Nesta falls under their lands. Their rule.

And now Cassian, who apparently had never defended Nesta once. Again. Nesta was In. The. Wrong. Her actions were beneficial and understandable but wrong. Cassian being upset and disappointed in her would absolutely make sense. Think of times in TOG, when Rowan wasn't happy with Aelin. He stood there silent until they were alone. That's more than likely what happened. Cassian didn't say his piece until everyone left. It's an argument between Nesta and Cassian and no one else.

That argument. The one that happened off page yet everyone wants to fucking crucify Cassian over cause you think you know what he said. When in reality you don't. Is wild. Three months ago, when she was with Emerie and Gwyn, they were taken and placed in the Blood Rite where he was helpless in going to her. He lost her briefly in the bog, watched her put her life at risk. How many times in acosf? He went a year or so watching Nesta absolutely ruin herself, had her lay over his body in front of Hybern, almost losing her, them, then too. Now, someone, a stranger and someone potentially dangerous, opened a portal in his living room where his mate was. And he wasn't there. All that trauma and ptsd he keeps on lock was blown wide open.

So now Cassian is a storm of emotions when he arrives home. Probably arrived mid argument between Nesta and Rhys, and the entire flight was given brief details of what's happening fueling his emotions. His fear, trauma, concern, disappointment, and anger. When Rhys leaves, Cassian and Nesta got into it. Sure he was pissed about the mask anyone would be. I would be. I personally think it goes on beyond that. Far beyond it. Nesta’s life, once again, was put a risk and no one knew what Bryce wanted. Cassian’s worst fear when the portal was open, was Bryce taking Nesta and never seeing her again. All that came out in their fight.

As readers, we know Bryce's intentions are good. They as characters who haven't been given the best view of Bryce dont believe it. Yes, I do think there needs to be more trust in Nesta. Especially where Rhys is considered. Cassian, as her mate, blowing things out of proportion is logical cause all mates have done it at some point. But yeah he needs to trust her a bit more too. He trusts her more than Rhys does that's for sure.

To play devil's advocate, I could be wrong on Cassian and Nesta and their fight. Absolutely. Im not Sarah. But neither are you who are wishing he dies, and Nesta leaves him over a risk that was never hers to make alone when it involves the whole world of Midgard.

If you read this entire thing and disagree. That's cool. The unfollow and block buttons are right there.

#im so fucking tired of seeing this #leave Cassian alone jfc #until we have confirmation of exactly what went down its all speculation #hofas spoilers #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #rhysand #feyre archeron #feysand #bryce quinlan #pro cassian #pro nessian #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #crescent city #house of flame and shadow

[beyondthesefourwalls]

Flight Suit Aphrodisiac

Summary: There was something about seeing Jake in his flight suit that got to you every single time. It had always been attractive, sure, but nowadays it was like something of an aphrodisiac. It didn’t matter what you were doing or where you were; when you saw him in it, you had to have him.

Pairing: Jake Seresin x Reader (no use of y/n, can be read as unnamed OC)

Word Count: 1000

Warnings: Smut, language.

Notes: Written for this request from @arson-tm. I hope you like it! 

______

There was something about seeing Jake in his flight suit that got to you every single time. It had been attractive since the very first time you saw him in it, strutting down the produce section in the grocery store you met in, but nowadays it was like something of an aphrodisiac to you. Every time he wore it around you, your heart rate increased, your panties dampened (assuming you were wearing any to begin with), and you just had to have him. 

You blamed the hormones. 

“I’m going to be late for work,” he grunted into your neck, even as he continued to nip and suck at the skin, darkening the bruises he had left last night. You tightened both your legs and your pussy around him in response, making him groan. His next thrust was harder than the ones before and you craved more.

“Your fault,” you panted, nails scratching at his back hard enough to make him hiss. You raised your hips to meet his on his next downward stroke. “This god damn suit.” 

A cocky look you knew all too well took over Jake’s pretty face and he smirked down at you. “You like the flight suit, baby?” 

“You know I do,” you whined. His cock hit that spot inside of you that had your eyes rolling back and you let out a loud, drawn out moan of his name. 

“Yeah you do. Can’t get enough of me in this thing, can you?” 

Your hair splayed out on the pillow as you frantically shook your head. You were so focused on how good he felt inside of you that you were losing the ability to form coherent sentences. But Jake loved you like this, you knew. His already inflated ego grew even bigger when you were a dumb, fucked out mess because of the pleasure he was bringing you. And truly, he deserved it. No one has ever made you feel this good and you knew no one ever would again. 

He gave a breathless chuckle as he pounded into you harder and faster. The mattress squeaked and the headboard hit against the wall. 

“Please,” you managed to whimper. That familiar coil was tightening inside of you, and you were growing closer and closer to the edge. All it took was the rough pad of Jake’s thumb pressing firmly against your clit to throw you over. You gushed around his cock, his name bouncing off the walls of your bedroom as you screamed. Through the haze you thought maybe he was praising you for being a good girl and how beautiful you looked as he chased after his own orgasm. You were still spasming around him when you felt him release inside of you, his warm cum filling you up. 

Like they always did when he was fucking you this way, his lips met yours as he rode it out. As much as he loved hearing you scream for him, he loved kissing you as you both came down from the high even more. You didn’t mind a bit as your tongue tangled with his; he tasted like the spearmint toothpaste he had used right before you jumped him. You hummed in delight. 

Your foreheads pressed together when he pulled away, the both of you fighting to catch your breath. You rubbed a hand up and down his back as your heart rate calmed, feeling the scratches you had left there. When you had your bearings somewhat back, you purposefully clenched your walls around him. His softening cock twitched inside of you and his groan made you smile.  

“You’re gonna be late,” you warned him, echoing his earlier words, “better go.” 

“You fucking tease of a woman,” he said gruffly, but there was no actual heat behind his words. He kissed you again before slowly pulling out and rolling off of you to stand. You clenched your thighs together on instinct; you loved the feel of his spend inside of you. You carefully moved onto your side to watch as he jogged into the en suite, coming back out with a damp washcloth. You took it from him before he had the chance to use it on you himself. 

“If you touch me down there right now, you won’t be going into work.” 

His chest puffed out in pride and you rolled your eyes; you loved him so much.

You watched him put his undershirt on and snap his briefs back into place, before continuing on to pull the heavy material of the suit back up his thighs. You don’t know if you were relieved or disappointed when, instead of putting it all the way on, he tied it at his hips. The full appeal came from seeing him all zipped up in it, the material stretched across his broad chest and shoulders with his patches on display, and he knew it. 

“I love you, darling.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips and then another to your forehead, before shifting to press a kiss to your growing tummy. He rubbed a thumb over the stretching skin. “And I love you too, little one.” 

Like it always did when he spoke to your unborn child, your heart melted a little. You grabbed his hand before he could walk away from the bed you were still lying in, completely naked and on display with no shame whatsoever. 

“Call me on your way home?” you requested. It was unnecessary because he always did, but you asked him every morning anyway. 

Jake quirked an eyebrow, a playful but knowing look in his eyes as he squeezed your hand. “Should I wear the flight suit home?”  You bit your lip with a nod, shamelessly looking him up and down. Desire sparked in you again as you thought about how good he always made you feel; you were so lucky he was all yours. “Yes. Please.”

______

Notes: Thanks for reading! Likes/comments/reblogs always mean a lot.

I don’t have a tag list for Jake and don’t want to bombard my Bradley girlies with this if they don’t want him, but in case I do anything for Hangman in the future, let me know if you’d like to be added to a new list 💚

Masterlist

#alli writes #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x oc #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman x you #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin smut #jake seresin fanfiction #hangman x reader #hangman x you #jake seresin x you #jake seresin imagine #tgm fanfiction #hangman imagine #tgm smut #Jake Seresin x female reader

[jeannineee]

Hii it’s me again I’m sorry I just had an addition or a new idea for the Azriel x powerful female reader. Maybe like a ball or smth were they both mostly ignore each other and reader dances with another male character and Azriel takes her to a more quiet place after and then they talk it out which maybe ends in a smut. I’m sorry I’m having many ideas at 3am

Truth

Azriel x Reader

a/n: y’all are really trying to make Azriel take Cassian’s spot as my favorite batboy w/ these ideas. Also, y’all can send in requests for Crescent City and ToG too!! Also small ToG reference at the end lolol. Apologies for any grammar errors, I was tired when I wrote this.

warnings: suggestive throughout, and nsfw towards the end. (18+ please.)

You’ve held nothing but contempt in your heart for the decade that you’ve known the High Lord’s shadowsinger.

When Rhysand invited you into his Inner Circle as an advisor, you hadn’t expected to meet the man you hate most in this world. The man who also happened to be your mate.

Azriel. Stoic. Efficient. Unreadable. Unbearable. Condescending. Infuriating.

The rest of the Inner Circle were shocked to see Azriel’s normally cool, calm demeanor shatter each time you were near. You’d bicker, sneer and snarl at one another on a good day. On a bad day? No one wanted to be near either one of you.

You’d never really taken the time to consider where your loathing of Azriel stemmed from, nor did you care.

But that damned mating bond? That only made things worse. The idea that the Cauldron wanted the two of you together was laughable, to say the least.

You couldn’t deny that Azriel was attractive, to be sure. The broad shoulders, the large, powerful arms. The rock-hard abs—

You snapped yourself out of that train of thought, ignoring that bond raging in your chest at merely the thought of him. It was replaced with frustration as you continued readying yourself for the night.

It was a standard visit to the Hewn City with the Inner Circle. When you met your friends in the foyer of your home, Mor grinned, and Cassian let out a low whistle.

Your dress left little to the imagination. The color complimented your skin; and the dress hugged your body in all the right places. A single breeze though, and you’d be giving the entire Court of Nightmares a good show.

You opened you mouth to speak, but closed it when Azriel appeared between your two friends. You tried to ignore his gaze lingering on your body, tried to ignore how a single look from him made your skin feel like it was on fire.

You noticed Mor stifling a laugh, and you had a sarcastic remark on the tip of your tongue. But it was left unsaid as she suddenly winnowed with you.

Music thrummed throughout the throne room. Guests danced and drank and conversed throughout the space. From the throne, Rhys gave you a friendly nod, and Feyre smiled.

Mor immediately lost herself in the crowd, as did Cassian. Azriel stood beside you, his expression as unfazed as ever. “Do you know what you’re doing tonight?” he asked, voice dripping with disdain as he gave your form a subtle once-over.

You scoffed. “Do you know how to worry about yourself, Azriel?”

“Stop being childish and do your job,” he shot back, his face hardening with anger.

Your lips curled in a snarl, and your vexation worsened as the bond roared in Azriel’s presence. But instead of arguing with him. You straightened yourself out, actually smiling at the shadowsinger.

“You’re right,” you replied sweetly, patting his arm. “I do have a job to do.”

You turned on your heel and made your way into the crowd, intentionally swishing your hips a bit more than normal. You pretended you didn’t feel Azriel’s eyes burning into the back of your head.

After downing a drink with Mor, you danced for a while. In that moment, the bond was little more than a dull ache in your chest. A nuisance, really.

You felt a warm hand brush along your hip, an action that you normally would’ve shied away from. But when you realized that Azriel was intently watching your interaction with this stranger, you decided to play.

The male was lean and tall, with pale skin, and piercing blue eyes. His white hair was perfectly kept. Not your type, but he’ll do.

“What’s your name?” he asked in a low, velvety voice as he casually snaked an arm around your waist.

You wrapped your arms behind the strangers neck, swaying your hips to the beat of the music as you spoke. “Does it matter?”

The stranger gave a feline grin in response. “I suppose not.”

The two of you flirted and danced, and after some time, he asked you to go home with him. You were prepared to turn him down, but confusion painted your expression as the stranger’s eyes grew fearful.

“Leave,” said a cold, lethal voice. Azriel.

The male didn’t need to be told twice. He left immediately, and when you whirled around on Azriel, he has the audacity to be smiling.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you sneered at him.

Azriel’s smirk remained glued onto his lips, and you were half-tempted to smack it away. “We’re leaving,” he stated simply.

You laugh bitterly. “No.”

Azriel’s smirk dropped. The way he looked at you now had heat pooling between your legs, though you’d never admit that to him.

Azriel sighed, clearly impatient. “You can walk out of here with me, or I can throw you over my shoulder, and you still leave with me. Your choice.”

“Fuck you—“

Azriel had you thrown over his shoulder in seconds, winnowing you to the House of Wind.

“Put me down,” You seethed, struggling against the iron grip he had on the back of your thighs.* “Right fucking now.”

Azriel ignored you, walking through the halls until he reached his bedroom. Only then did he finally put you down. His expression was…you’d never seen him like this. His teeth bared, pupils blown. “Were you going to go home with him? With that fucking—“

“It’s none of your business,” you snapped. “I’m leaving.”

You turned to leave his room, but Azriel’s hand grabbed your wrist.

“No you’re not,” Azriel replied, his voice devoid of its previous anger. He yanked you towards him, one of his hands gathering the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling you back to meet his fiery gaze.

You wanted to spit in his face, to scream and shove and fight. But you didn’t. The bond rumbled in your chest, like it was calling to him. You wondered if he felt it too. The bond…you needed it. You needed him. And he needed you.

Neither of you spoke. Nothing but a silent understanding as the two of you stared at each other. You were still dressed, yet you’d never felt so naked, so vulnerable.

“Azriel…” his name was a broken whisper on your lips. Was it a warning? A plea? You weren’t sure.

His lips were so close to yours that you could feel his breath. If he tilted his head down just a bit more—

No.

“Let me go,” you pleaded, silently cursing yourself for how weak you felt in that moment. You placed your hands on Azriel’s chest. “Please.”

Azriel didn’t move, didn’t waver as he spoke. “I can’t.”

And that was it. His lips crashed into yours, and the bond took form, surging between the two of you.

His kiss was hot and needy and desperate and everything you’ve ever needed. Your dress was on the floor in seconds, and Azriel laid you onto his bed.

He trailed his lips to your neck, biting and sucking small marks into it; claiming you.

You could feel his cock against your thigh, and you gently bucked your hips up against his, trying to ease the ache between your legs.

“Greedy,” he mumbled against your neck, before pulling back to throw your legs over his shoulders. There was a hunger in Azriel’s eyes, but there was something else there, too. Something softer.

His expression would’ve made you turn your head, if he hadn’t brought one of his hands down to gently grip your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Eyes on me, y/n.”

Your cheeks flushed, and you obeyed, not breaking eye contact as he slowly entered you.

“So fucking wet,” he murmured, running his marred hands along your thighs. “You feel so good, y/n.”

You could only whimper in response, chest heaving as he filled you to the brim. Azriel leaned forward until your knees were against your chest, before unleashing himself.

Azriel pounded into you relentlessly, savoring each of the pretty moans that fell from your lips as the tip of his cock hit your cervix over and over. “This pretty little cunt was made for me,” he growls. “All fucking mine.”

Your hands tightly gripped his biceps—the only stability you had as he brought you closer and closer. “Y-Yes. All yours—fuck, Azriel—all yours.”

Azriel felt his own release approaching, and the way that your walls were squeezing him told him you were right there, too. “Come for me, y/n. Come on my cock.”

Your entire body shuddered as he fucked you through your orgasm, before finishing inside of you.

Azriel released your legs, and they fell limp at his sides. Your bodies were slick with sweat, the only noise in the room being your heavy breathing.

The weight of what the two of you had done finally set in, but you didn’t dare open your mouth.

Azriel meets your gaze again, his eyes softer than they’ve ever been. He knows what you’re thinking.

“We’re—“

“Mates,” you finish his sentence.

You’re both silent for a moment, studying one another, as though you’re both an equation that the other is struggling to solve.

It’s you who breaks the silence. “How do you feel about that?”

Azriel pondered for a moment. “It scared me, before. The idea that someone could be so connected to me.”

“And now?”

“I want to be with you. I think I always have.”

You nodded, you heart swelling at his words. “Me too,” you reply, your voice barely a whisper.

Azriel chuckled. “We were both pretty terrible at expressing that, then.”

He kissed your forehead, and for the first time, you allowed yourself to feel him through the bond. And he did the same.

“We have a lot of time to make up for,” you said, running your hands along his chest.

Azriel smiled. “We have all the time in the world.”

#acotar #female reader #smut #azriel acotar #acotar azriel #acotar smut #azriel x female!reader #azriel x reader #rhysand #Feyre #Cassian acotar #acotar headcanon #azriel shadowsinger #acotar fanfiction

[throneofsapphics]

your writing is absolutely scrumptious and i wish i could give you all the flowers in the world for it!

i’ve had “home” by catie turner stuck in my head and i was wondering if you could write an angsty-fluffy drabble for any tog/acotar poly couple, azriel, or rhysand along the lines of the song?

footprints in the snow. 

Cazriel x Reader

Summary: You, Cassian, and Azriel are in a long-distance relationship.

Warnings: light angst and fluff

A/N: aw you're so sweet, I appreciate you!! and thank you for introducing me to that song :)

The waiting wasn’t the worst part. That belonged to the stretches where you were left in the dark, unaware of when you’d see them again. Lost in a cycle. 

Uncertainty. Anticipation. Joy. Dread. 

You were each other's home. But … isn’t home supposed to be something familiar?

That’s what you wanted, for it to be familiar. It’s neither of your faults that you live in different courts, but you craved to come home to them each day, to fall asleep in their arms, to see them more than once or twice a month at most. Each time felt like you were re-acquainting yourself with their energy and presence. 

“When will I see you again?” You asked, glancing at the clock. Thirty minutes until they’d fly out. You were surprised you lasted this long without questioning them. 

“We don’t know,” Cassian looked apologetic. Trying your best to give him an understanding smile, you failed miserably - the tear gathering in the corner of your eyes betraying you. Of course, he noticed, and tugged you into his arms, into the warm embrace you craved so much. “I’m sorry,” he kissed your hair. 

Letters could be intercepted, codes could be cracked, and if they were spotted with you too frequently, if word got to the wrong people - it would put a target on your back. Despite everything, they were worth it. 

The familiar sound of footsteps crunching on the snow, and you flung the door open, the harsh winter breeze flying over you, snow pelting your skin - but you didn’t care. The dilemma of earlier was forgotten as two winged figures closed the distance, shielding you from the elements. Cassian slid his arms around your chest, lifting you off the ground and spinning you into the warmth. 

Laughter bubbling, head spinning, you squeezed your arms tightly around his neck, pressing kisses wherever you could reach. He had to bend down as your feet hit solid ground. If he hadn’t held onto you, you probably would’ve fallen right on your ass. 

Hands slid up your body to cup your face, and cold, slightly chapped lips pressed against your forehead, cheeks, nose, jaw, and were warm by the time they finally met yours. A few seconds passed, and shadows pushed the two of you apart. 

“No patience,” you chided as Azriel slid between the two of you, wrapping his own arms around you - your feet thankfully on the ground. 

Calmer, but he held you just as tightly, kissed you with the same sense of longing, before the standard lecture came. At this point, it was a routine - maybe even a ritual. 

“We could’ve been anyone.” 

“Intruders wouldn’t have been so obvious,” you countered, grinning. 

Azriel glanced at the ceiling, like he was uttering a short prayer to the mother. 

“Dramatic,” you muttered. 

Reaching up to tilt his head back down, hazel eyes littered with amusement and exasperation stared back at you. 

“He’s right,” Cassian added. 

Azriel looked too smug, and maybe that’s why his shadows didn’t stop you from flicking his nose. 

Ducking out of his arms, you sprinted towards the kitchen, hand gripping the doorframe to whirl yourself around the corner, lips pressed tightly to hide laughter at Cassian’s snort and teasing in the background. 

Most likely, he let you past his defenses and out of his hold, but you’d take the win. Grabbing the small basket of muffins you’d bought in anticipation, having a good feeling about tonight, you slid them across the kitchen table. 

Sneaking a glance at the clock, you debated asking how long it would be this time. Refocusing your attention on the doorway, you studied them as they walked through. 

Relaxed shoulders, light in their eyes, and half smiles on their lips, you decided to hold off. 

Ruining this momentary peace wouldn’t be worth it. If you leaned into it enough, lost yourself enough, you almost believed you could make it last forever. 

#cazriel x reader #cazriel x y/n #cassian x reader #azriel x reader #acotar drabble #cassian x azriel x reader #cassian x y/n x azriel #azriel x cassian x y/n #azriel x y/n x cassian #azriel x reader x cassian #cassian x azriel #cassian x y/n #cassian x reader x azriel #azriel x y/n #acotar imagine

[lorcandidlucienwill]

Sluttiest quotes from Lorcan

Omg RoWaN iS tHe HoTtEsT character in TOG!

“Come a little closer, and I’ll show you just what five centuries can do.” “Watch yourself, girl. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a week, but someday you will trip up. And I’ll be waiting." “No words, Prince?” “I move quickly.” “Assassins, whores, traitors—what fine company you keep these days, Rowan.” “Is that what you thought of us? All those years that we worked together, killed men and bedded females together? I never heard you complain.” “Run, you stupid fool,” Lorcan hissed, hauling him from the fuse. Aedion was crouched over it, his bloody hands steady as he grasped the flint and struck. Once. Twice. Then a spark, and a flame that went roaring off into the darkness. They ran like hell. “Faster,” Lorcan said, and Aedion caught up to them, taking Rowan’s other arm and adding his strength and speed. Down the passage. Past the broken iron gates, into the sewers. There was not enough time and space between them and the tower. And Aelin— The bond stretched tighter, splintering. No. Aelin— They heard it before they felt it. The utter lack of sound, like the world had paused. Followed by a cracking boom. “Move,” Lorcan said, a barked order that had Rowan blindly obeying just as he had for centuries. "Gavriel is still my brother. I would have faced him with dishonor if I had let his son die.” “I have my skills, just as you have yours.” “Bigger tits won’t prove or hide anything.” “Come, wife.” “Would you like me to kill him for you?” “If you want to survive, you have to be willing to do what is necessary.” “As far as anyone’s concerned, you’re still my wife.” "I will always find you. I promise." “I wanted to go to Perranth with you.” “I have loved you from the moment you picked up that axe to slay the ilken. I will be with you always." “I will marry you, Elide Lochan. And proudly call myself Lord Lorcan Lochan, even when the whole kingdom laughs to hear it. And when we are wed, I will bind my life to yours. So we will never know a day apart. Never be alone, ever again.” Lorcan Salvaterre, commander of the cadre? More like commander of my heart.

#lorcan salvaterre #lord lorcan lochan #lord of perranth #elorcan #queen of shadows #empire of storms #kingdom of ash

[misguidedasgardian]

The dragon's Mistress (11)

11. King and Queen

MASTERLIST

Summary: You had known more about humiliation in the past months that you’d hope you’d known in a lifetime 

Warnings: cursing, mentions of war, mentions of death, humiliation, use of the word bastard and traitor, incest, smut, breeding kink, from now on it will be adultery and sort of cheating, might miss some warnings

+18, MINORS DNI

Wordcount:  2.3k

Notes: shorter chapter, and a sad one too... anyways I wanted tog et this one out of my way hehe, now the dynamic is going to be different from before

Aemond’s heavy breath in your face soothed you in some way, as he kept ramming into you, drawing moans and whimpers from your mouth. He kissed you sloppily, and your nails scratched his back angrily, but that seemed to spur him on. He kissed your jaw and neck.

He kept pounding into you, making you whimper 

“My King”, you whisper mindlessly, and he smiled wickedly at you

“I’m going to breed you”, he said, but it sounded more like threat, “I’m going to give you my children, and you will be the mother of the future King”, he growled, and in the haze of pleasure you believed him, and even wanted it, desire it

He cummed inside you, like he always did, and then he threw himself over you, crushing you under his weight. But the weight calmed you, made you feel sickly protected

Until you remembered what day it was. He seemed to read your mind, and he lean back to gaze at your face.

“We need to get ready”, he whispered, caressing your cheek with devotion

“Please don’t make me go”, you whispered, Aemond sighed, like he was tired of you, he lifted himself off of you and off the bed, and you seated on the bed, covering your naked body with the sheets as you saw Aemond put on his clothes he left in the floor of your room

“It is a royal wedding”, he said simply, and your eyes filled with tears again, “the wedding of the century according to many”

“Please”, you begged again, he looked at you, and only nodded. Unknown to you his mother had begged him to keep you out of all this, the mistress of the King being in his wedding ceremony was not going to look good, not for the family of the bride and not for the entire court. So, wanting to avoid drama and that nauseous look on his mother's face, he didn’t fight you. 

“if you rather be locked up in here, fine”, he said bitterly 

You were more relieved, but then, nausea hit you like a wild horse, make you scramble out of bed, finding the nearest pot, and throwing up in it, Aemond was on you in a second, taking your hair out of your face and caressing your back

“Are you alright? Are you ill?”, you only wiped your mouth with the back of your hand

“I’m fine my king, you don’t have to worry about me”, you whined

“You are the only one I worry about”, he whispered, leading you to sit on the bed, “I will go and fetch a maester”, he said gently

“You should go and get ready for the wedding”, you murmured

“I will do what I have to”, he said stubbornly, and left you

He didn’t show up again, but the maester did, he checked on you, gave you a simple tea for your weak stomach, claiming you felt nervous and that it gave you a sickness. So the tea was going to settle your stomach and then he left you alone.

Alone to hear the party that was going on in the castle and around it

You avoided Aemond like he was the winter fever when he started to talk about how boring where the preparations of his coming nuptials

Because he did tried to talk to you about it

How sick was that?

That Floris turned into some kind of monster that demanded these flowers, and this prayer, and this song, and this feast or this color… Had driven Aemond insane. You just listened to him and nodded, or hummed, not really caring, trying to think about anything but what he was saying

Each time he spoke of the wedding you wanted to throw up.

You could hear the celebration from your chambers, the music, the people gathering and cheering, it was driving you mad

But at the same time…

Everyone was distracted…

Nobody was going to bother you today, not Aemond, not anyone…

This could be an opportunity you were never going to have again…

You put on a comfortable dress, one you used for riding because you could put pants under it, and that is exactly what you did, you grabbed everything of value you had in a small purse, and then a cape. But as soon as you opened the door, there was a King’s GUard outside of it

“Your grace”, he greeted, bowing slightly

“Ser Steffon”, Ser Steffon Mangold had been recruited for the King’s guard of Aegon II after half of the guard would have fled to back your mother’s claim. He was exceptionally good with not one but two swords, and his job was to care for Aemond, and now, apparently, you.

“May I ask where are you going?”, he asked, you seemed to hear a tone of mockery in his voice, you only looked up to meet him

“The Dragonpit”, you said

“I’m afraid I can’t allow you to”, he whispered, “King Regent’s orders”

“Please”, he truly seemed sorry for you, but he still shook his head

“I'm sworn to the King, and I need to follow his command”, he said severely, and you only nodded, entering your rooms again.

But you couldn’t give up, you remembered what Jacaerys told you, about the secret passageways installed deep within the castle walls

But where to find them? 

You placed your hands in the wall, and pushed, then and there, everywhere, but nothing, there was nothing or rather, it was and now it was sealed shut, Aemond wasn’t an idiot and Aegon was famous for sneaking out of the Red Keep, using the same passageways, they said Queen Helaena’s children were murdered using said tunnels

Probably Aemond had them sealed 

So you opened the door ever so slightly, but to no use, the Kingsguard acknowledged you immediately

“Yes, your grace?”, he asked, clearly Aemond had restored your title of princess

“Please, I’m hungry, can you fetch a maid?”, you asked him, and he looked back at you, mockingly

“Do you take me for a fool?”, he asked then

“I will tell the king you refused…”, he sighed, loudly

“Very well, is this is how you want to play it”, he walked away from the door, and you, obviously, ran to the other side as soon as he turned the corner

It was silly, so silly it might actually work 

YOu only wanted to be at peace…

Was that too much to ask?

The only way to achieve that was to go away from the Keep, let them have it, your mother never wanted the crown anyways, you wouldn’t be disappointing her in any case, shape or form, but Dragonstone wasn’t far enough.

You had heard that Saera Targaryen, one of King’s Jaehaerys numerous daughters had run away to Pentos or one of the free cities, and had turned into a wealthy woman and lived freely, perhaps you could do the same. 

The free cities it was then

a quick stop in Dragonstone to take some golden dragons from under the mian room’s floorboards, and then…

Freedom

You ran hastily, the Red Keep was completely empty, everyone, including the staff must have been celebrating the Royal wedding

Your stomach twisted but you convinced yourself that the furthest you ran, the happies you were going to be.

You didn’t need to sit the throne, or for your children to do it, you were going to honor your mother by living, you were your mother’s legacy, she was going to live through you and the children you were going to have.

Perhaps you could search for Saera, join her, you didn’t know her, but you shared the blood of the dragon and that must count for something, right?

With all those things running through your head, you managed to reach the entrance of the castle that went through the courtyard, you didn’t know who you were going to go past the guards and that huge guarded door, but perhaps only an intimidated look was going to be enough 

And when you looked down the courtyard… IT WAS EMPTY!

You ran towards the exit, sprinted down the stairs… you were so close you could feel it. 

But as soon as you touched the huge wooden doors, you felt someone pull you off of them

“NO!”, you screamed, and wiggled out of grip, but it was Iron tight

Steffon Mangold, the king’s guard

“PLEASE!”, you cried, “let me go!”

“I can’t do that”, he seemed truly sorry as he started to pull you gently back towards the castle, “I can’t”

“Please”, you begged quietly, “I bet you are loyal towards the Baratheons?”, you offered, “If I leave, you will never see me again, Floris will be the Queen, she won’t be humiliated!”, you said, “please, I don’t want to be his mistress, you can say I knocked you out with a stick or something, and ran away, you don’t have to face any guilt, please, you will never see me again!”, you were back inside the hallways 

But he stopped, and made sure to look into your eyes

“I’m not loyal to that cunt”, he growled, and that surprised you

“Who are you loyal to?”, you asked. He blinked, and his anger passed to be something else

“Someone else”, he muttered, “I know you don’t want this, but there is something bigger at play here”

“What?”, you asked, but he turned and keep dragging you towards your rooms

“I can’t tell you”, he say stubbornly, and kept walking, and you were now resigned, he didn’t give you anything to go on, to hold onto any hope, he just dragged you back to your chambers, not before encountering the royal party, Aemond and Floris leading them, holding hands

It was only a second, in which Aemond looked upon you being dragged by your King’s guard, before you disappeared down the hallway

Your stomach twisted painfully, you were hungry you haven't eaten all day, but also, in disgust 

“Please”, you begged one more time before you reached your rooms

“I can’t”, he said, “but trust me, everything is going to be alright”, you only shook your head

“Please”, you begged, but he closed the door gently, but still… on your face.

When you turned, you saw the table was set for you. You guessed they took a serving from the wedding banquet 

You ate in an embarrassing pace, you were starving, luckily you were alone, but as soon as you took a pork chop, the strong smell caught you off guard, sickening you, and you threw it away like it burned, now you wanted to throw up like in the morning

So you washed it up with wine, and then you decided to take some fresh air, so you took a book and decided to sit on the balcony to read.

But your mind kept wandering…

Was there really something big at play here? you shook your head, you couldn’t do that to yourself, you couldn’t hold onto hope, what if there was nothing there? you were going to get your heart broken all over again… no… you had to ran away, it was the only way

You dozed off in the balcony, the sun was setting and you felt suddenly so tired, and you didn't understand why, so you walked back to the bed, disposed of your dress and just cuddled with yourself in your undergarments 

You didn’t know how late it was, but you were woken up by the door opening, you almost jumped off the bed, scared, but from the light of the torches in the hallway, you clearly saw Aemond walking in, and you whimpered, you did not wanted to see him today

“My King?”, you called, you didn't get to see his face, you only felt his heavy body land on the bed by your side and hugged you tightly against him

“Why are you here?”, you asked to the darkness of the room

“I couldn’t stand her”, he muttered, and you only whimpered

“Please my king, you shouldn’t be here”, you cried, “you should be with your wife”

“She isn’t you”, bitter tears fell down your eyes

“Please”, you begged, you wanted him to leave, you did not want all the court hating you, even though it was probably too late for that 

“Call me Aemond”, you felt it on his breath, he was drunk

“No”, you refused, turning in your bed, and you pushed him off of you, “you need to be with your wife, please, leave”, you begged. but no matter the strength you put on your arms, he wouldn’t budge, he just sighed

“I did it”, he whispered, he was out of it, drunk, you had never seen him like this, “I consummate the marriage”, that hurt, that truly hurt, he had been inside of her, and now he was laying next to you, you felt disgusted, “but she isn’t you”

“You married her, Aemond, it was your choice, now you have to endure it”, you said angrily, chances where he was not going to remember anything tomorrow, “get out!”, you cried, bitter tear fell down your face, “get the fuck out!”

He sat on the edge of the bed in a messy movement, showing you his back, he leaned forward, you couldn’t see him because it was dark and all, but it seemed like he used his mouth to stifle a whimper, but you were probably just dreaming

“Get out”, you whined, and he just stood up from the bed, and left the room without another word

Tomorrow you were probably going to pay for that, but tonight, you were going to enjoy the fact that he was not going to be over you every night, he had a wife now…

But still you felt sickened to your stomach. 

#misguidedmistress #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x alys rivers #aemond x oc #aemond the kinslayer #aemond targaryen #targaryen!oc #targaryen!reader #hbo house of the dragon #house of the dragon #house targaryen

[evanrouge]

⌗ them as... college roommates? ver. 2.0.

ft. azul and floyd (separately) — headcanons. by courtesy of anon.

— azul ashengrotto

Let's face it, he probably tried to swindle rent out of you at first. Passionately demanding how hospitable he is by being your roommate, and how you should thank him with like... everything you own.

There is a giant safe in the room and it actually takes up so much space. You aren't exactly sure what he keeps in it, and he refuses to tell you unless you're willing to give up something of dire importance to you in exchange for the information. So you decided that it's just not worth it for a single question. But it is quite funny how, when unlocking it, he sneakily looks around to make sure you're not looking his way, before lifting his blazer like a vampire to cover everything visible while putting the code in and doing what needs to be done. He tries to be secretive, but when you're literally sharing a room with him it's incredibly difficult for him to be so.

He's around you way too much for you to not have dirt on him. He lifted his threats on rent and contracts when you threatened to tell the entire school that he has a cuddle instinct when sleeping, and cuddles the closest thing to him. Which is usually either an alarm clock or a lamp. He just wraps his entire body around the object in a fetal position with the object in the middle. He really doesn't want that information getting out, not even he knew he did that before you took a picture of it to blackmail him with!

He's only ever in the dorm in the very late evenings - if he even shows up at all, and doesn't end up falling asleep in the Mostro Lounge - and when he is he's usually at his desk either reading report after report or studying. He takes his academics very seriously. Also, how else will he create those study guides for the poor unfortunate plebeians?

Other than the desk which he occasionally leaves messy while in a rush, Azul is actually very neat and doesn't make a mess. He seems to have an instinct for when you do, though, even when he's not there. He could have left the room for the lounge while you were still sleeping and still know that you forgot to make your bed when you eventually got up. Not to mention his snooping instinct. If you go anywhere near his stuff, then he's behind you in a heartbeat demanding to know what you're looking for. You almost think he has cameras.

Overall a 7.5/10, perhaps. He's relatively strict, but the second you crack his business persona and wriggle out of his constant contracts talk then you'll just see regular old emotional and competitive Azul every evening.

— floyd leech

I would just like to begin this by saying that I am extremely sorry for all the bullshit that you have to deal with, due to having Floyd as a roommate. Sharing a room with him is similar to being new to childcare, and being given the craziest kid in the universe to take care of on your first day. But every day, and constantly.

He once got bored and thoroughly taped the trashcan to the door, proceeding to slam dunk a tennis ball through the base of it so hard that the entire thing smashed into smithereens at the sheer force. Then he left the mess everywhere and decided to lay down for a prompt nap until Azul appeared to drag him to the shift that he was two hours late for. Only for him to appear back at the dorm twenty minutes later, just after you finished cleaning up the mess because he once again snuck away from the lounge, slinging his entire body weight over the back of your chair and drawing out that you should do something funny to amuse him, as watching you study is hella boring. Then he smashed another trashcan, which he probably stole from another room tbh.

At one point, you and Floyd were going through so many trashcans a week that Coach Vargas personally appeared at your door with a roll of tape, saying that if you guys want somewhere to put your trash at all anymore, then you will have to tape your one back together every time because NRC cannot afford fifty a week for one room. You ended up making a new trashcan out of the tape, a genius idea as he will be unable to smash it, but he could tear it if he really tried. It proved to become an even better idea, because sometimes when bored he now just lays on his bed with the makeshift tape bin on his chest as he colors it in and draws random things on it to pass the time.

You have become a master liar. Azul constantly knocks at your door demanding Floyd's presence, which you would love to ignore and pretend you're not in for, but alas you cannot because Floyd is complaining about the knocking echoing throughout his head, and so you've gotta open the door. Then blatantly lie to his face saying that Floyd isn't there and you haven't seen him since this morning, when he is actually just lazing away. Azul used to be able to see through your lies flawlessly, but over time it became progressively more difficult to tell whether you're being genuine or not, and it annoys him.

It is a common occurrence to wake up to his terrifying toothy grin hovering 1cm in front of you. He finds scaring you just after you wake up funny.

Overall a 3/10 roommate. The only redeeming quality is how he sneaks you free food when you visit the lounge without Azul or Jade noticing. Plus when he brings leftovers to the dorm to eat before bed, he sometimes tosses you some that he doesn't want from across the room. He has good aim, though, so don't worry it doesn't get dirty.

#azul ashengrotto x reader #floyd leech x reader #twst x reader #twst azul #twst floyd #azul x reader #floyd x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst imagines #twisted wonderland imagines #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech #azul #floyd #azul imagines #floyd imagines #azul ashengrotto twst #floyd leech twst #twst headcanons #mine mine!! — 🦋

[babyghouly]

Who's Crying Now

Who's Crying Now

Pair: Eddie Munson x GN!Reader; Eddie Munson x BestFriend!Reader

Genre: Angst, Heartache

Words: ~1.5k

Summary: You get an unexpected letter from an unexpected sender. You hadn't heard from your best friend, Eddie, in months. It was really nice to hear from him, but you struggle with the desire to go back home and visit him. Were you ready to face him after all this time?

Warnings: Mentions of Drinking, Cursing, Sadness, Heartache

Namesake: Who's Crying Now - Journey

Series: Part I; Part II; Part IV

Notes from Ghoul: Well, this took longer than expected! Part 4 was much easier to write, but I thought it needed to have this transition piece so it would all flow better. I hope you enjoy it and please don't be afraid to reblog and let me know what you think 💖

Ghoul’s Masterlist

Tags: @staygoldwriting  @eddiesguitarskills @sweet-villain @need-a-life-or-grass @ashlynnkennedy @emma77645 @foreveranexpatsposts @bombing-daisies @stranger-messenger @tiannasfanfic @1paire2vans @theywitchsblog @elegantkoalapaper

It wasn't every day that you had the motivation to clean, but today was one of those days. Taking advantage of the free time you had now that the semester was over, you managed to clean the pile of laundry that had built up in the corner of your room and change the sheets of your bed. Of course you couldn't do this in silence so you had your little radio blasting to drown out your thoughts.

♫ Only so many tears you can cry 'Til the heartache is over And now you can say your love Will never die ♫

Your voice filled the tiny dorm room while you folded your freshly washed laundry as one of your favourite songs played. You hummed the rest of the melody before it faded out.

♫ One love, feeds the fire One heart, burns desire I wonder who's crying now? Two hearts, born to run Who'll be the lonely one? I wonder who's crying now? ♫

Before the next song began, your cleaning frenzy was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sighing, you got up to find the student who lived down the hall from you, Alex.

"Here," Alex shoved a single letter in your direction, "They lumped your mail into mine again"

"Thank you" You said with a smile, but Alex was already heading back down the hall.

Sitting down on the bed, you scanned the letter to see who it was from. You rarely ever got letters from your parents, so it couldn't be them. The return address was to Steve's house, which puzzled you again. Why would Steve be sending you a letter? As you continued to scan the letter, your heart skipped a beat. Recognizing Eddie's handwriting on the envelope, you clued in that he was the original sender, Steve was just the one who had to send it out to you.

You ripped open the letter instantly. It had been months since you last spoke with Eddie, and for someone you were trying to get over, he was still a constant thought in your mind. Everyone around you said you'd get used to being without him, but you honestly never did. Every now and again, you caught yourself fantasizing about how things would be when you met again. What you would say. What you guys would do. You missed him a lot and even started to wonder if running away was the right thing to do, but you really did enjoy your classes, so it had to have been, right?

Taking a deep breath, you emptied out the contents of the envelope, revealing a handwritten letter.

For Y/N

It's been a while, hasn't it? I can't really remember a time where we didn't talk to each other… well, there was the graduation incident of '84, but that was not as long as this.

A smirk formed on your lips as you lightly chuckled remembering this time. Back then, a week felt like a long time, but now it's been over six months and you can't stop worrying about how Eddie was doing. Life wasn't the same without his contagious laughter and comforting presence. Making friends at college wasn't as easy as you expected. Many students already had their cliques, knowing each other from school and growing up in the town together. Being from out of state there were no predetermined cliques for you, leaving you as an outcast much like high school did. This made you miss Eddie even more.

You continued to read the letter.

I really hope that wherever you are, you're doing well. First off, I'm incredibly sorry for holding you back from doing the things you dreamed of and keeping you in bumfuck, Indiana for two more years when you could have been in college partying it up with your sorority sisters. I sure hope none of those sleazy frat boys have bothered you.

This earned a chuckle from you.

Anyways, I guess I don't say it enough, but I am eternally grateful for you, for everything you've done for me. For sitting through countless shitty band practices and being Corroded Coffin's #1 fan. We really miss your merch selling skills, nobody seems to sell as much as you did. Thank you for helping me with Hellfire Club, even though I know you weren't that interested in Dungeons and Dragons. Most importantly, thank you for your patience with me. There is no way I would have gotten through school without you. How the hell you managed to not completely lose your mind with me, I don't know. I commend you.

I don't know either, Ed you thought to yourself

I don't really know what else to say other than I really miss you, Y/N. A lot has happened since you left. Nothing I really want to talk about now, but I really wish you were here.

Whenever you're ready, though, you know where to find me.

Love Always,

Eddie

I miss you too. Your heart sank a bit, worried about what he meant by 'a lot' happening. You continued to get your chores done in silence, the words Eddie wrote ringing in your ears.

What had happened while I was gone? You thought to yourself, Should I go back?

With classes being over, you had time to go visit although you hadn't planned on going back any time soon. The feeling you had was conflicting so you decided to get some insight from Steve. You made your way to the payphones in the dorm's lobby. Fiddling with the change in your hand, you carefully placed the coins through the slot and dialed Steve's number, praying that he was home.

"Hello?" Steve's voice was on the other end.

You were relieved.

"Hey, Steve" Your fingers toyed with the cord of the phone nervously, "It's Y/N"

"Y/N!" He exclaimed, clearly happy to hear from you after a couple weeks without contact, "How did exams go?"

With all that was on your mind, you were impatient to small talk, "Fine, I need to ask you about something though."

"Woah, someone's grumpy, what's up?"

"Eddie," You mumbled, "How is he doing?"

"You got the letter, huh?"

"Mhm…"

"Well, since I moved out of town I don't really see him a lot, but I did see him a couple weeks ago at a gig," Steve huffed, "He was beyond drunk. I guess the rockstar life has really gotten to him."

Your heart stopped beating for a moment hearing what Steve had to say. Eddie was never really one to drink, he mainly just smoked.

"Ahh," You managed to choke out, thinking about what could have happened for him to be drinking that much.

The same thoughts ran through your mind over and over. Obviously, Eddie needed you, but what for. He has Janie. He wants to spend the rest of his life with her, isn't her presence be enough? After all, you're just his lovesick best friend who ran away from him when your feelings became too much to handle. If you were him, you would respect the distance needed and let them reach out when they're ready even if something had happened.

"I'm sorry for sending you the letter," Steve was apologetic, "I know you probably didn't want to think about him, but I took a chance that it might've been a positive thing."

"It's fine," You spoke quietly, "I never really stopped thinking about him anyways."

"So what are you going to do?" Steve began, "Are you gunna come back and visit him?"

There was a pause before you spoke up again, "I wasn't planning on it, my parents wanted to visit me instead."

"I get it," Steve chuckled, "There is definitely nothing fun to do over in Hawkins except drink and watch paint dry."

"Exactly..."

There was another pause.

"It's okay if you want to go back, y'know."

You nodded, trying to hold back tears, "Yeah… I know…" Your voice wavered, "I just don't think I'm ready right now."

"That's okay too," Steve reassured, "Take all the time you need, I'm sure he'll understand."

You and Steve said your good-byes, hanging up the phone. Heading back to your dorm room, you were tense as you held back your tears.

Once back in your dorm, you flopped onto your bed and buried yourself beneath the thin duvet. A tear streamed down your face. Then another. And another. You had wanted to go back since the day you left, but you kept strong for so long. It became easier as time went on, but he was still a thought on your mind every day. Knowing that Eddie isn't doing well now, though, tears you apart.

How bad could things really be?

Should I go back?

Am I ready?

You shook your head in an attempt to get all these thoughts out of your mind. You were frustrated, wishing Eddie never sent the letter in the first place. The more the thoughts raced, the more you realized you weren't ready to face him again. Your heart hurt, but now, going back was all you could think about.

He needs me, he clearly needs me.

-END-

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson headcannon #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things s4 #stranger things fic #stranger things #eddie munson x you #stranger things eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie x gn!reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson angst #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things angst #gn!reader #fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic #stranger things gn!reader #writing #imagine #drabble

[danikamariewrites]

hi there, can you write something fluffy for fenrys??

Book Delivery

Fenrys x reader

A/n: I haven't written for Fen in so long and he's literally one of my favs from ToG. He deserves happiness after everything he's been through

Warnings: none

Fenrys watched from the balcony as Aelin walked you through the castle gates. He lets out a dreamy sigh as you throw your head back from laughing at something the queen said. Fenrys was so lost in his little fantasy land he missed Rowan come to stand next to him.

“You feeling ok?” Fenrys jumps, backing away from the railing and clutching at his heart. “Good gods! Don’t do that Rowan!” The king couldn’t help the shit eating grin that spread across his lips. Rowan looks out at your retreating figure as you leisurely walk back to town. “Aelin thinks you two would make a great match.”

Fenrys lets out an annoyed huff, taking his piercing gaze off of Rowan and watching you again. He was always so charming and smooth when it came to talking to females. For some reason when he tried speaking to you Fenrys always made a fool of himself. He either tripped over air or fumbled with his words before excusing himself. There was no other way to say it, Fenrys is in love with you.

How could he not be? You’re so kind and intelligent and beautiful. Fenrys can’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach when you’re around.

A week later - on the day you usually visit, Fenrys noted - Aelin called him into her office. Striding through the open door Fenrys stopped before her desk, sketching a bow before standing with his hands behind his back. “What can I do for you?” Aelin gave him a smile that told Fenrys she was scheming. Fenrys mentally rolled his eyes, waiting for Aelin to tell her plan.

“I need you to do me a favor.” She said sweetly. “Nothing crazy, just an errand that I can’t get to today.” Fenrys nodded. “What kind of errand?” The queen’s smile became toothy and far too happy looking for his liking. “Can you go to y/n’s store for me and pick up the book she set aside for me?”

Fenrys felt his heart stutter in his chest. He had never been to your store. He had avoided it at all costs after the second time he made a fool of himself in front of you. “Erm…” He had to answer quickly before Aelin turned this into a command and he no choice. Not like he had one anyway. If Aelin already thought you two were a match the whole court must know by now. And Fenrys would never hear the end of it from Lysandra if he never made a move.

“Yes.” He blurts out. “Excellent.” Aelin claps her hands in approval and stands to guide Fenrys from her office. “And no rush whatsoever. Take your time, enjoy a stroll through the city. Get some tea with someone. But don’t come back here without my book.” She said sternly before shutting the door on him.

Upon entering the bustling city Fenrys found himself taking the long way to your shop. Inevitably he found himself standing outside your shop, dreading how he would mess up this conversation with you. Inhaling deeply through his nose and out through his mouth, Fenrys pushed open the door to your shop.

The bell ringing above his head caught your attention immediately. You rushed to the front of the store, your arms full of books. Your eyes widen in surprise at the tall male in the middle of your small book store. “Hi,” you say cheerily, “Fenrys, right?” It took all of his training to keep calm. To keep the butterflies from swarming his insides.

“Y-yes. Yup, that’s me.” Dear gods he hoped Lorcan would show up and stab him.

Then you did something unexpected. You giggled at him. It wasn’t a pity laugh, you genuinely giggled. Fenrys smiled at you. Realizing you looked like you were about to drop the stack of books in your arms Fenrys cleared the space between you, reaching his hands out to help. “Can I take these for you?” “Oh, yes. That would be great, thank you.”

As you handed over half the stack Fenrys noticed your hands were shaking. If it was because of him he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. The last thing he wanted to do was scare you. You cleared your throat before speaking again. “Can you put them on the front counter?” “Of course.” You give him a small nod and lead him to the counter.

After putting the books down you nervously fiddled with your hair, glancing at Fenrys every other second. You felt like you always messed up when you spoke to him. That awkward laugh would always leave your lips and you always forgot where you were going when you bumped into him in the castle.

Clearing your throat you finally look make eye contact. Maybe that’s too much eye contact, you think to yourself. Fenrys isn’t shying away though. If anything he’s looking at you with the same shy, unsure intensity.

An awkward moment of silence passes between the two of you before Fenrys finally remembers why he’s here. “Aelin sent me to pick up her book. She said you had it set aside for her.”

The realization clicked in your eyes and your cheeks redden. It was silly to think he was there for you. Pulling the book from the shelf behind you and turning back to Fenrys you give him a small smile, hoping it didn’t look as sad as you felt. “Here you go.” His fingers brushed against yours. You felt a warmth rush through your body at the soft touch.

Your cheeks heat even more as you bite back your smile. Fenrys takes the book giving you a reassuring smile. “Thanks,” he says softly. “You’re welcome.” He nods and turns to leave. Fenrys cringes at himself, squeezing his eyes shut.

He stopped with his hand on the door, thinking screw it. Marching back up to the counter Fenrys takes a deep breath. You look up at him with bright curiosity in your eyes. “Would you like to go out to dinner with me?”

You nod your head excitedly. “I would love that. Is tomorrow night ok?” “Absolutely.” You give him a bright smile. Taking out a pen and paper you write down your address for him. He takes it happily and practically skips out of your store back to the castle.

#throne of glass imagine #throne of glass #throne of glass fic #throne of glass fanfiction #throne of glass fanfic #Fenrys moonbeam #Fenrys throne of glass #fenrys moonbeam x you #fenrys moonbeam x reader #fenrys x reader #fenrys x you #fenrys fluff #throne of glass fenrys

[xfgpng]

𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐬, 𝐢 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 —

— : [ nsfw ] sacrilege, unprotected sex, blasphemy, choking, pet names + mentions of blood

— : wc : 726

church was the only place you truly felt at ease. the other worldly things never mattered to you as you sat in front of the large statue. in times when you heart felt heavy, you’d find yourself in the chapel, speaking only to the man above. you put all your trust in him because he was the one who could save you.

you felt unworthy of his saving grace. growing up in the church, you devoted your time to praise and worship, only making friends with others in your youth groups. you hadn’t even had your first kiss until your first year of college.

“he died for your sins” he’d whisper into your skin, his own hot and sweaty body pressed against yours as he ran his fingers up and down your thighs

“don’t” you gasp, squeezing your eyes shut as he rocked into your plaint and soft body. you felt amazing around his cock and it didn’t matter what any scripture had said, he knew the only paradise was between your legs.

“is it not true baby?” he asks, voices gentle and calm as he grabbed your breast, pinching your nipple the way he knew you liked despite you always denying it. he loved you more than you could ever love the god you claimed.

only he could truly make you feel this good. your soft whimpers, loud moans of his name.

eren, eren, eren.

over and over again as he fucked you into your mattresses. much like the imitation blood you’d drink on sunday’s, eren would gladly give up his own for you if you asked him to.

“no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind” he says, gripping your jaw to look at him. he sees the way tears spring to your pretty eyes, lips pouty as you try to shake your head.

“no” you whine, “please, don’t”

despite that, you’re clenching around him so tightly that he’s worried he would cum just from that. you liked when was filthy, no matter how much you’d deny it.

“and god is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” he grins, amused at how easily swayed you were when it came to him. a mere mortal in the eyes of the lord you served.

“fuck” you arch your back, eyes closing as he thrusts into you. he’s so deep that it feels like he’s in your throat

“but when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” eren whispers, right into your ear before he’s kissing you hard and sloppy. he moans into your mouth when he feels your nails scratching up his back

the same way the blood of your lord was sacrificed, he remembers the way yours coated his dick the first time he fucked you. that day, eren swears he had seen the light. his head felt dizzy and he could hardly breathe. you called him dramatic, pushing him away lightly but he knows you secretly loved the power you had over him.

“don’t hold back” he begs, grip on your thigh almost painful. your pussy was so wet and the squelching noises as his dick thrusted into you would cause a nun to blush.

“feels.. god— so good” you moan, gripping his bicep to ground yourself. you would never admit that no one, no being, could ever make you feel the way eren did.

he didn’t need you to. he already knew it by the way you’d say his name, the way you’d beg and fuck yourself back when he wasn’t fast enough.

you’d whisper i love yous to him late into the night and he knew how possessive you’d get over him despite claiming to only love your god that way.

“your iniquities have separated you from your god” he whispers, wrapping his hand around your throat and enjoying the way your jaw drops, “your sims have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear”

you moan, pussy spasming around him as he feels you cum, squirting all over his abs and your thighs. he can’t help but chuckle, fucking you through another orgasm as he stalls his own. he needed to see you completely broken underneath him because he was the only one who could put you back together.

#[ 🪼 ] xfg writes #tw. sacrilege #tw. blasphemy #eren jeager #eren yeager #eren yaeger #eren x reader #eren x you #eren x y/n #aot eren #aot smut #eren smut #aot eren smut #eren yeager x reader #eren yaeger smut #eren yaeger x you #eren yaeger x reader #eren jaeger smut #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger x you #eren yeager x y/n #eren yeager x you #eren jeager x you #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager smut

[lucienarcheron]

SJM Live Event 9.26.2023

This was so fun! I loved the questions and rapport between Christian Lauren and Sarah. Below is a recap of what was discussed :)

She looks great!

They met years ago when SJM was still writing TOG (on book two)

COURTOFMASS helped narrow down the questions so AYY fandom

CL likes to see when people try to summarize the SJM’s books so they asked SJM to summarize CC

SJM’s palms were sweating (LOL) and she summarized it as “a mix of urban fantasy, fantasy, fantasy but modern world - kick ass snarky heroine who goes on a journey of self-discovery and healing with hot ass dudes and hot sex”

“Doesn’t look any family members in the eye” because of her smut (lol)

SJM doesn’t look at any theories. “I say no in the most loving way”

She doesn’t have social media on her phone so she’s not lurking around on the internet. She just wants to stay in her creative bubble. Every now and then a friend will send her something “lol look at this crazy theory” 

Creating CC / what was that like? 

It was a year-long process and ongoing as she was writing it. She’s back living in NYC and growing up in the city inspired a lot of this book. The idea came to her on a plane while on tour (possibly HOF) and she heard a piece of music, and saw Danika’s voice reaching out to Bryce. It’s when she burst into tears and Bryce came to life (she’s told us this before). She kind of worked in reverse as it unraveled in her mind. It’s something she thought about for years and it was her “fun” / side project. Over the course of a bunch of years, until TOG was starting to wrap up, she kept coming back to it. 

This was the story she wanted to tell because she loved Bryce and Hunt so much by that point. It was over the course of years daydreaming about this story and peeling away the images of the story. She had a lot of fun writing this book.

How does she keep track of the worlds she creates?

Publisher has an official bible which they constantly reference and she has an awesome editor that remembers all the important stuff and small moments/lines. She has a terrible memory in real life but SJM keeps all her stories occupied in her brain. Also keeps a bunch of notebooks.

We don’t know much about Hunt’s origin so are we going to find out about his parentage and background in the next book? 

We will learn more about Hunt in the next book. As for his well-being, “I make no promises. I’m not saying anything about anything.” LOL. “I will say that when I was working on HOSAB my editor and I were thinking about what was the most horrible thing that could happen.” Originally she considered him getting his wings chopped off again but her editor was like “what can be worse” and it’s the slave tattoo again. A new level of trauma for him to unload in the next book. “He has a lot of room to grow and shit to deal with it. Poor Hunt, he’s in for a journey coming up.” 

Will we find out more about the Autumn King? Does he connect to the Autumn Court?

Yes, we will learn more (about him not necessarily yes to the Autumn Court connection). “He’s not a father in any way.” In the process of writing and editing, he’s become one of her favorite to write because he’s so horrible and terrible. He’s capable of doing the right thing but doesn’t. He’s just a fucked up, horrible person. It’s a lot of fun to put opposing characters in a room to see what happens (bryce vs autumn king). It’s so satisfying for her to see a woman get one up on a douchey asshole.

Ruhn question - Some headcanon in the SJM fandom (that I didn’t quite catch but it made them all laugh) Something about Ruhn and vibrators? Sarah nearly fell down the stairs laughing about this. Now that she’s thinking about sweet Ruhn and where he is, she feels bad. (SARAH NO).

Talked about her writing process - Sometimes she will write a whole draft and realize it’s not what she wants. When she was working on HOFAS, she was going through some shit (didn’t want to elaborate) and she wrote the whole thing but then she didn’t like it. She was “meh” about it. She knew she hadn’t found the right story and it wasn’t good enough. She is very intense about her writing and wants to put her very best writing out there. 

There’s a little bit of an extra gap between the books because she had her baby but also she went through the first/second round of edits with other things going on that she wasn’t in the right space. She felt like she needed to throw out the whole thing and start over. She wrote a brand new draft in 4-5 weeks and then she found the story. A couple of scenes stayed from the first draft but almost of it is new. She never wants to put out any work she doesn’t believe in. “You can’t fix a blank page.” so it’s all part of the writing process for her. 

For example, the book she’s working on now - spent the whole day writing a scene but she doesn’t like it and it’s part of the process. 

What it was like waiting for readers to get to the ending of HOSAB / Another author asked about when she decided to crash her worlds together the author can’t fathom that Sarah didn’t plan this out from the beginning so when Aelin went through the worlds and Rhys sees her - “Are you some crazy genius where all these little breadcrumbs come into your brain or was it intentional?” 

Not a genius in any way. Talks about her son and how he says “I’m Sarah J Mask” - her kids keep her humble (lmao). Her son is obsessed with Taylor Swift so it doesn’t matter what she does, she’ll never be Taylor Swift so she’ll never be cool (lol). She loves Taylor and has so much respect for her and now she knows all her songs because they only listened to her in the car. She has the little golden book of TS for her son (LOL). In the eyes of her son, TS is the only creative genius and she is all for it. 

When it comes to the ending of this book, she knew for a while and knew these worlds overlapped before she started working on KOA. She knew Aelin was going to crash through these worlds and had already started daydreaming on CC. When she wrote that scene of Aelin, she wanted her to go through the ACOTAR world and see Feysand then had her go through the CC world. When she was really working on CC officially, while daydreaming about it, she got into this idea of the worlds and how they’re all technically connected. She remembered having this “what the fuck” moment of HOSAB’s ending. “I don’t know what’s happening to my body” and everything clicked in. While working on CC1, she was able to plant some seeds.

When she finally wrote the end of HOSAB with Rhys, she cried. Things had just completely gone to shit in CC and “my wonderful Rhys” comes in. One of her favorite parts that she’s ever written. 

Will we see ACOTAR characters coming in/having POVs? - “I’m not saying anything about anything.”  We will see some of the ACOTAR world. It basically picks up close to where we left off.

Is Dankia really dead - “Um, yeah.” LOL “She is dead and as much as I wish was miraculously living, she’s dead.”

Is Connor really dead - “Yes?” LOL

Does Emil really have no powers? - Passed on answering this. “I like it.”

With magic being weaker in the modern world, do mates mean the same thing in the fantasy (ACOTAR/TOG) as they do in the modern world? - Pass because (they started speaking over each other here but I assume it will be because we will understand more of this in HOFAS). 

Is Hunt really Bryce’s mate - “Am I going to destroy some kind of theory?” She answered, “YES, HE IS HER MATE.”  She talked about how she’s changed the LI in her other series (the FMC’s first LI not being her last one) but with CC she kept the same LI from the beginning to the end -  “If they both make it to the end.” (she’s so mean for this LOL)

When the first ACOTAR book came out, it was hard for her to keep Feysand a secret because people would tell her how much they loved Tamlin and she had to just smile awkwardly about it (lolol).

How much of Bryce’s power has she accessed? - We’ll see in the next book!

They talked a little about parenting and their kids aging and personal stories for a bit. 

CL mentioned SJM previously saying that people won’t need to read ACOTAR to read CC and vice versa. Is that statement still true? - “You should read ACOTAR and if you haven’t read ACOTAR and get to HOSAB, it’ll make you want to read it.” She had them put an AD in the back of HOSAB for people to read ACOTAR. She then said, “I do not stand by that statement. I renounce this statement. Read ACOTAR first.” (👀)

Discussed the cover of HOFAS and whether the cover has a dragon head - “I am not saying anything. There are always easter eggs.”  She added, “We made sure there were many easter eggs.”  It’s probably her favorite cover. It came together so beautifully. 

Did she write HOSAB in order? - She’s always super pumped to write her endings. She has to write in a linear/chronical fashion and she dangles the ending as motivation. She was powering through the rest of the book so she could get to writing the endings of HOSAB. It was the same with ACOSF with Nesta in the Blood Rite and saving Feyre. 

What were some of the most fun/favorite/hardest scenes- In HOEAB, when Hunt discovers Bryce’s unicorn collection. Sarah has collections of My Little Pony and has been in bidding wars for them. She loves them LOL.  Another scene will always be Bryce and Danika doing the drop. She still cries thinking about it. “Call me sentimental, cheesy, or whatever - I believe in our darkest moments we aren’t alone.”  That scene means a lot to her. 

In HOSAB - she loved the opening of the book where they’re basically at a frat party “Wonder where the inspo for that came from” LOL / She loves the little moments of them living their lives and getting to be themesleevs in between disasters. She loved it when Ruhn was super stoned lmao. She also loved the scene with The Hind and Ithan in the bar as well as the end of HOSAB with the Hind revealing herself to her Ruhn; she cried a lot while writing those scenes. 

She gets so emotionally involved with her books/characters. Most of the book is what she loves. She needs to be obsessed with her book because she has to read it over so many times and stay in love with it as she rereads it.

She remembers seeing tear stains on copies of her manuscripts. She loves all her characters so much and they make it worth it across all the series. They feel real to her.  She’s getting to see them in all aspects of their lives. 

Three Bigger Questions - 

One of the reasons they clicked as friends is because they have the same fangirl heart - CL loves her passion for things. How does it feel to have this fandom follow her the way she follows her favorites? Sarah mentions how she was a fangirl of CL first. 

It feels weird to even say fandom for her books. It’s beyond anything she’s ever hoped for herself. There’s no ego here but she grew up as a fangirl for so many things so it blows her mind that people connect with these characters and worlds and that they mean something to them. She also has a profound sense of gratitude that she gets to do what she loves because of the people who read her books. She’s deeply appreciative of the joy and enthusiasm we bring to the books. It’s a very humbling and moving thing to inspire someone. 

Every time she sees someone reading her book, she walks up to them and talks about it apparently! One girl on the street walked by her and Josh and they saw a tattoo of the mountain with three stars and they wanted to ask her about it. Sarah sent Josh to ask her about her tattoo. “He wasn’t cool about it, he just blurted it out.”  She then introduced herself but the girl didn’t seem to believe her HAHA. “No makeup and in regular street clothes. I think she thought I was a lunatic on the street. I don’t think she left the encounter believing it was me.” “I’m going to be quiet and not scare people anymore.” 

She saw a guy on the subway reading ACOMAF “Is he reading some sexy ass stuff on the subway?” but he was reading it because his gf was reading it.

It blows her mind seeing people read her books in real life just like seeing her book on shelves never gets old. 

Now that CC3 is done, what are you working on now? 

Currently working on/drafting the next ACOTAR novel! That’s all she will say. She has become so focused and excited writing this book. She described it as the feeling when you’re first obsessed with someone and all they’re thinking about. For the next god knows how many months or “a million years”  LOL

#sjm #sarah j maas #crescent city #hosaf #hosab #hosab spoilers #acotar #sjm live

[offtorivendell]

Is an oily residue corrupting Azriel's hypothetical mating bond and making him feel off kilter? Is it related to Valg-type magic?

Disclaimer: this theory is a continuation of a few of my others that I've been too lazy to post until now - first I was going to post it for Elriel Month 2023, then Azriel Week 2023... it never happened - but like everyone else I'm having massive FOMO before HOFAS, so here we finally go, even though I know I've forgotten something lol. As usual, this makes no claims of being accurate, it's just theorising for fun.

A massive thank you goes out to @wingedblooms, @tswaney17, @silverlinedeyes, @psychologynerd, @ladynightcourt3, @cassianfanclub, and anyone else I've forgotten (sorry!) for all of our discussions that finally became this post. Love you guys. 💜

Spoilers: this is a Maasverse post, and draws from the ACOTAR series, CC 1 & 2/HOEAB & HOSAB, and the TOG series. It is CC 3/HOFAS spoiler free, as I'm waiting to read it in its "original English" 🤓 on the 30th of January. Please be respectful of that if engaging in the comments before it's published!

Plenty of people, including @silverlinedeyes, @icedflames and myself, have posted our thoughts on mating bonds in the Maasverse, and this theory builds on those previously established - though again, as yet hypothetical - ideas. Specifically, this post about the use of “oily” throughout the ACOTAR series is recommended reading.

What we do know is that:

Mating bonds contain threads, and so do spells.

Mates are the song/music of the soul, and their laughter is likened to music.

Different fae, and magics, contain different scents, be that personal or regional

First, let's go back to ACOWAR, when Feyre described the Ravens' entrance into the library as being like an off-kilter chord:

I felt it at the same moment she did. The ripple and tremor. Like … like some piece of the world shifted, like some off-kilter chord had been plucked. We turned toward the illuminated path that we’d just taken through the stacks, then to the dark far, far beyond. - ACOWAR, chapter 30

Initially, I had wondered if the King of Hybern had had Jurian use the Harp to infiltrate Velaris, but it was @merymoonbeam (I think) who theorised that the Cauldron might be mimicking the Harp, and maybe not doing the best job of it. Which made me wonder, could it do the same with mate bonds?

He left the rest unspoken. Because her mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. - ACOSF, Azriel's bonus chapter

Looking at her now … She was pale, yes. The vacancy still glazing her features. But he couldn’t breathe as she faced him fully. She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen. Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He’d said the same to Jesminda once. But even as shame washed through him, the words, the sense chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours. Mate. - ACOWAR, chapter 24

What if the Elucien bond, as either a spell or piss poor Cauldron-Made approximation of a bond, causes Azriel - and maybe Elain, possibly Lucien - nausea when Lucien is around because it's constantly changing, or reverberating over the top of, what remains of a hypothetical Elriel bond?

What if it's making the Elriel bond off-kilter, out of whack, imbalanced?

Does this make Azriel feel sick, nauseous, or simply overwhelmed/overstimulated?

When people are feeling off-balance, for whatever reason, they can feel sick or nauseous. It's one of the symptoms of vertigo, which can be triggered by severe headaches such as migraines. And guess who rubs their temples? Azriel!

Alternatively, certain chords played loudly enough on a string instrument can really mess with your chest - and where do mating bonds attach - if you're standing close enough for them to vibrate through you (at least, they do for me haha). It can be weirdly disconcerting, and I'd imagine that if Azriel or Elain feels something like this, no wonder he describes such severe discomfort that he needs to leave, and she shrinks away from Lucien, the unintentional cause of her pain.

Same with the smell; if the magic of the Cauldron, in whatever way, is messing with the smell that should be there? Contaminating it? Unbearable.

Is this too crack for you? Well, let's get even crazier.

I have previously suggested that the Cauldron's actions throughout the series could be tracked, in part, by SJM describing a feeling or quality as “oily,” and I've also wondered if the dark maker of the Cauldron - Koschei? - could have hijacked it in some way, as the Book of Breathings being made from leftover iron gave me “One Ring” vibes. I still stand by that, but with a clarification (and here is where the TOG and CC spoilers come in, FYI). I think it's only half of the magic belonging to the Cauldron that is "oily":

Throughout TOG, the Valg are heavily associated with “oiliness,” in terms of their blood and magic. The smell “reeks” and always results in the involved characters experiencing extreme revulsion, including headaches. Sound familiar?

Wyrdstone has an oily, hideous aftertaste.

Even in CC 1/HOEAB, Danika was described as oily when she came into Griffin Antiques.

Celaena looked at the sealed door, her stomach turning. A half-dried pool of blood lay at the base of the door, so dark it looked like oil. She crouched, swiping a finger through the puddle. She sniffed at it, almost gagged at the reek, and then rubbed her finger against the pad of her thumb. It felt as oily as it looked. - COM, chapter 45

“What the hell is that?” Rowan demanded, kneeling beside her, sniffing her outstretched hand. He jerked back, snarling. “That’s not dirt.” No, it wasn’t. It was blacker than night, and reeked just as badly as it had the first time she’d smelled it, in the catacombs beneath the library, an obsidian, oily pool of blood. Slightly different from that other, horrific smell that loitered around this place, but similar. So similar to— “This isn’t possible,” she said, jolting to her feet. “This—this—this—” She paced, if only to keep from shaking. “I’m wrong. I have to be wrong.” There had been so many cells in that forgotten dungeon beneath the library, beneath the king’s Wyrdstone clock tower. The creature she’d encountered there had possessed a human heart. It had been left, she’d suspected, because of some defect. What if … what if the perfected ones had been moved elsewhere? What if they were now … ready? - HOF, chapter 45

The overseer roared, thrashing as her magic swept into him, melded with him. But there was nothing inside to grab on to. No darkness to burn out, no remaining ember to breathe life into. Only— Aelin reeled back, magic vanishing and knees buckling as if struck. Her head gave a throb, and nausea roiled in her gut. She knew that feeling—that taste. Iron. As if the man’s core was made of it. And that oily, hideous aftertaste … Wyrdstone. The demon inside the overseer let out a choked laugh. “What are collars and rings compared to a solid heart? A heart of iron and Wyrdstone, to replace the coward’s heart beating within.” - EOS, chapter 15

* Side note, it's giving Tamlin and his stone heart.

Danika didn’t just look like she’d been rootling through the garbage. She smelled like it, too. Wisps of her silvery blond hair—normally a straight, silken sheet—curled from her tight, long braid, the streaks of amethyst, sapphire, and rose splattered with some dark, oily substance that reeked of metal and ammonia. - CC HOEAB, chapter 1

The Hind held Ruhn’s gaze as the game began. She was the spitting image of Luna, with her upswept chignon, the regal angle of her neck and jaw. As coldly serene as the moon. All she needed was a pack of hunting hounds at her side— And she had them, in her dreadwolves. How had someone so young risen in the ranks so swiftly, gained such notoriety and power? No wonder she left a trail of blood behind her. “Careful now,” the Harpy said with that oily smile. “The Hammer doesn’t share.” The Hind’s lips curved upward. “No, he doesn’t.” - CC HOSAB, chapter 33

I think the dark maker of the Cauldron could have been Valg, whether that's Koschei or someone else I don't know though Koschei currently makes the most sense. I also don't know when the dark maker would have had the chance to influence the Cauldron; was it always made from dark and light, or - as @fawnandshadows theorised a while back - did Koschei bastardise it after the fact? Where the Valg would fit in with the Daglan and the Asteri is also a mystery, though my current train of thought is that they could be family names or allegiances, like different clans of the same parasitical species, thanks to the description of Danika in HOEAB.

But, back to Azriel and his severe reaction to the Elucien bond.

I know I'm not the only one who wonders at the very Valg-ish themes with which Rhys and Azriel's powers have been described - maybe one day I'll post my thoughts about the possible link between lightsingers, shadowsingers, daemati and the Valg (but it is not this day lol) - and how that may have come about. For example, are the Valg interwoven, genetically, with the Avallen people, or is it because the Princes of Hel are also involved, and have similar magics? Are the Princes of Hel a similar species as the Valg, Asteri and Daglan, or completely different? Ugh, let's stop this spiral here.

Oily: the obvious train of thought being that oily things are slippery, which can lead to an imbalance… ie. becoming off-kilter.

Sounds like Azriel could be suffering from some sort of vertigo, of which symptoms can include nausea; severe headaches, such as migraines, may trigger an episode… and who rubs his temples enough that Elain noticed it?

Maybe Azriel can sense the corruption in the bond, either the current Elucien bond, or the hypothetical original bond between Elain and himself; if like calls to like, and his shadows are Valg-ish, maybe it is because his OG bond was fucked with. So, what if:

Azriel's shadows can slip away from spells and binding magic (Slippery > oily > Valg).

The guards at the prison know what he is.

Valg magic making Azriel nauseous and Elain sourcing/making a healer's powder for him? It's giving Chaol and Yrene. Especially since Elain (and Mor) make his shadows brighten.

So, we have in-text mentions of Azriel feeling overwhelmed due to the proximity of the Elucien bond, as well as Elain shrinking from Lucien - an action that parallels Azriel hanging out in the doorway, and even Lucien retreating to the human lands, if he feels any bond-related discomfort around Elain. But what about his initial response to seeing Elain, and thinking she was the most beautiful female he'd ever seen? The quote that sent me down the “oily” rabbit hole to begin with?

Looking at her now … She was pale, yes. The vacancy still glazing her features. But he couldn’t breathe as she faced him fully. She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen. Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He’d said the same to Jesminda once. But even as shame washed through him, the words, the sense chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours. Mate. - ACOWAR, chapter 24

Well, Aelin felt oily disgust at the thought of marrying someone who wasn't Rowan:

“There are no allies,” Darrow said. “Unless Her Highness decides to be useful and gain us men and arms through marriage”—a sharp glance at Rowan—“we are alone.” Aelin debated revealing what she knew, the money she’d schemed and killed to attain, but— Something cold and oily clanged through her. Marriage to a foreign king or prince or emperor. Would this be the cost? Not just in blood shed, but in dreams yielded? To be a princess eternal, but never a queen? To fight with not just magic, but the other power in her blood: royalty. She could not look at Rowan, could not face those pine-green eyes without being sick. - EOS, chapter 5

This example from Aelin could describe Azriel and Elain’s potential future if Elain accepted a theoretically Cauldron spelled bond to Lucien, but also for Lucien and Jesminda, if they were originally true or fated mates before she was murdered.

Some final thoughts:

We know from TOG that healing light is known as the Valg executioner. In a parallel to Yrene killing Erawan with her healing light in KOA, Elain killed the King of Hybern - who I suspect was possessed or assisted by a Valg, as Feyre described his magic as a “galaxy” in his palms - with Truth-Teller, which had recently devoured the (her?) sunlight; does this mean that Elain could heal or purify Valg possessed things, with or without the magical, Made dagger? Could this be extrapolated to Azriel's magic, the Dread Trove, or even the Cauldron (possibly with Feyre and Nesta for the bigger ticket items)?

If the Asteri are the same species as the Valg, and the Valg somehow had a hand in making or twisting the Cauldron, it could follow that they used the Cauldron to create offspring bonds for a more powerful food source. If this pans out then Elain, bright light, could hypothetically heal the Cauldron. Maybe that is why Azriel describes her with purity language? Not because SJM wants to display Azriel's apparently toxic thoughts about her (🙄), but because she, along with her sisters, will be his/their salvation? Rhys once said as much to Feyre!

@mrspettyferr has suggested that Azriel's shadows ability to hide him from binding magic - see: the High Lord's meeting in ACOWAR - could have prevented his true bond from snapping with Elain when she came out of the Cauldron. This could be supported by any Valg/shadow link.

Thank you for reading! Please don't mention any CC HOFAS spoilers in the comments or reblogs until after it has been officially published. 💜

#azriel shadowsinger #elain archeron #acotar #acotar theory #elriel theory #elriel #acotar cc tog crossover theory #maasverse #crescent city #crescent city spoilers #throne of glass #tog #tog spoilers #hosab spoilers #pro elain #the cauldron #the valg #the asteri #the daglan #crack theory #mating bond #anti el*cien #but NOT anti lucien #he'd be a victim in this as well #lucien vanserra x jesminda #i'm still on my crack that lucien and jesminda were reallymates

[outsideratheart]

Secrets & Lies (Christen Press x reader)

Based of this request.

A/N: This is the longest fic I have ever written with 11,599 words. I hope it isn’t too long and that you all like it. One more thing, ANGST!!!

You had been keeping a secret since the day you were born. Only a few people knew about it and that's because someone else told them but at what point does a secret turn into a lie?

You spent your childhood having bi yearly surgeries but they were only temporary fixes until the doctors felt your heart was strong enough to take the stress of a more complicated surgery. This came when you were 15, it meant you could play the sport you love, and to the naked eye your condition was non existent as long as you took your medication. It wouldn't be the last surgery you had, in fact the doctors told both you and your mom that they would have to do the same surgery again in around 10 years.

It resulted in you learning to live one day at a time and you never looked too far into the future but you couldn't ignore the fact that every year is one step closing to needing a second surgery. So when you turned 25 you couldn't help but feel like you were on borrowed time. Two years after that, the hospital visits became a monthly occurrence in order to keep an eye on your condition and your doctor was surprised that your heart was holding up well and it was but that feeling of being healthy soon came to a halt.

First came the shortness in breath followed by the chest pains, they are symptoms that you are all too familiar with. At first it was manageable but then it got hard to hide the toll it was taking on your body.

"Are you ok kid?" you feel a hand rest on the small of your back as you bend over in attempt to catch your breath after a sprinting drill.

"It's getting worse" you look up at your captain Christine Sinclair "I'll be ok, I have to be. The olympics are around the corner and I can't miss them" the panic in your voice sparks concern within the Canadian.

"Ok, ok, calm down. We will handle this like have in the past, just me, you and the doctors. Have you told Tobin or any of the others how bad it's getting?" you shake your head "Maybe it's time you tell Christen. The two of you have been tog—“

“No! Christen doesn't need to know"

"And when will she? When she is calling an ambulance?"

Christine Sinclair had many abilities and the one you hated the most was how well she showed tough love.

"No Christen and no Tobin. This is my fight and I know how to handle it" you know that the conversation is no where near over but you don't have the energy to talk about it and you don't want to risk the rest of the team hearing you.

At first only you and the Portland Thorns team doctor knew about your heart condition but then your mom told Christine when the thorns were playing Gotham. She wanted someone to know about it in case you were to have an episode. They didn't happen all that often, especially as you got older, but when they did come they were bad.

Portland were in Houston playing the dash before the players would go to their respective national teams. It meant that you had to pack for 3 weeks away. You made your checklist, packed your bag and then went through the list twice, you had everything.

The Thorns ended up beating the dash 3-1 with goals coming from you, Tobin and Lynsey so when you arrived at camp you were all in fantastic moods although yours could have something to do with the fact that you would be seeing Christen for the first time in a month.

As you enter the reception you are told that you are the last to arrive and the team are in the conference room handing out room assignments. As you enter the room you eyes eagerly search for your girlfriend but she isn’t there, worry starts to set in and you nudge tobin who in suit shrugs her shoulders. So her girlfriend and best friend didn’t know where she was. You are just about to raise your hand to ask the question when you feel two arms snake around your waist.

“Looking me for” Christen says quietly as not to interrupt Jill.

You remove one of her hands and place a kiss on the back of it.

“I better not be sharing with Kelley again” You tip your head back to rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll be happy to know I persuaded Jill to let us room together but you have to be on your best behaviour”

“Me!” You turn to face Christen. Your increased volume becoming apparent when Jill calls you out.

“Is there something you would like to share with the team” Jill encourages you to speak up.

"Nothing she can repeat in front of the youngens, right Y/N?" Kelley teases.

The defender knows that you will bite straight away if the teasing had to do with your relationship, more so what goes on behind close doors. You are on the verge of retaliating when Christen places her hand over your mouth.

"Sorry coach, continue" Christen tells Jill.

The team meeting runs a little big longer than you had hoped. Jill taking this time to discuss the basic plan for the camp as well as assigning rooms and then reassigning them when she gets complaints.

You and Christen waste no time in making up for being away from each other. It might have been a few years since the two of you started dating but the way she makes you feel never failed to catch you off guard. The connection you shared reminded you of fireworks and no matter how many times they went off you always jumped.

The two of you cuddled in bed, covered in nothing but the white hotel bed sheets. Christen's head rested on your chest whilst her hand traced shapes on your stomach.

"Your heart feels like it is about to beat out of your chest" whilst Christen jokes it is a reason for concern to you.

You think about it for a second. The Thorns schedule has been gruelling recently and you knew that you were putting stress on your heart but it was fine, you were taking your medication then it hit you, you hadn't taken it this morning.

"My heart will always skip a beat for you" you stare up at the ceiling in fear that Christen will see your pain if she looks you in the eyes.

The pair of you get ready for training all whilst worry starts to sink deeper into your thoughts. Christen knew you took several supplements in a morning but she didn't know what they were and you wanted to keep it this way. When you are on your way down to the lobby you see your chance.

"I'll meet you down there. I forget to take my vitamins" You daren't use the word medication because you know it will cause her to worry. It's the reason why she has no idea about your condition. You saw what the worry did to your mom growing up and you wouldn't put that on your girlfriend.

Luckily Christen doesn't ask any questions and she doesn't follow you back to the room. By the time she gets to the lobby the whole team is there ready and waiting.

"What, no Y/N?" Pinoe asks her fellow forward.

"She forgot her vitamins" Christen says fully unaware of the looks that are shared between Emily and Tobin.

Emily tips her head towards the elevator and Tobin picks up on what she is suggesting.

You are rummaging through your bag hoping that you will find your medication but it is no where to be found. You thought you packed enough for the Thorns trip and the national camp but you hadn't. You didn't know what to do, you knew that if you told Dawn about it she would have you benched and that couldn't happen because you were playing Canada and the team needed you. The sound of someone knocking at the door pulls you out of your head. At first you ignore them, you had more important things going on right now and the person on the other side of the threshold could wait but the knocking continued only louder and more persistently.

"Y/N let me in"

Tobin, just the person you both wanted to see and did not want to see. When she enters she recognises the panic on your face immediately.

"You forgot?" Her tone reminds you of your mom and you didn't care for it.

"I'm fine now" It was a lie but you didn't have a choice  "I'm just tidying up. You know how much of a neat freak Chris is"

You had been taking this medication for 12 years surely you built up enough strength to live without it for a week.

Training was tough to say the least but you chalked it down to the Arizona heat. Tobin kept a close eye on you and even went out of her way to partner up with you during drills which pissed you off more because you wanted to work with Christen. Dawn watched you from the sidelines and at first you didn't think anything of it until you saw her whispering in Jill's ear.

When the coach calls you over in the middle of scrimmage, it gains the attention of the entire team. Players only ever got called out of a game when they were in trouble but Jill eyes wasn't filled with anger, they were filled with pity and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw Dawn mouth 'i'm sorry'.

"Do I need to be worried?" Jill asked.

Here's the thing with Jill. You know she knows and she knows you know she knows but the two of you have never spoken about it. She keeps an eye on you during training and Dawn let's her know if there is a reason for concern.

"No. I forgot to take my medication this morning so it's taking a little bit longer for it to work"

Another lie.

"You were struggling out there and don't say it's because of the heat. I have seen you when we play in Australia and you aren't phased at all"

"I'm already feeling better. Watch and you will see that I am fine" you shut down the conversation before it can go any further.

When you're back on the pitch you score within seconds and dedicate your goal to your coach with an arrogant salute. Instead of it making her believe you're healthy, your celebration makes Jill think the opposite. You are trying too hard to show her you are ok.

The next couple of days are more difficult than you would like to admit. You were tempted to ask for a personal day and fly back to Portland but it would lead to more questions and you were trying to keep your amount of lies to a minimum.

With game day getting closer and closer, you begin easing off the physical side of preparation. You took a back seat in training and when asked about it you stated that as your role as captain you want to use this time to pass on your knowledge to the younger players.

When it comes to the afternoon lift session, Dawn pulls you aside and tells you that you will be working alone. She puts you on the treadmill whilst the rest of the team focus on the weights. Her attempt at testing your fitness isn't as subtle as she hopes.

"Wait, why is Y/N the only one doing a fitness test?" Tobin asks. Christen wants to know the same thing. She had seen the change in your behaviour over the past couple of days. It happened in the blink of an eye, one minute your the confident player the world loved the next you are on the sidelines trying to catch your breath like a rookie.

"Because I am the fastest on the team and Dawn wants to see if I can improve my stats from last camp"

Your girlfriend buys it, Tobin on the other hand isn't so easy to persuade. In the end she walks away but not before talking to Sonnet who looks at you and shakes her head.

Great! You aren't well and now you have pissed off the two people that could out you to the entire team.

"I've seen you watching me and I'm fine but if I am sick then I will get worse by doing this" you whisper in Dawn's ear before setting the treadmill to 15 where you begin sprinting as if you have a perfectly good heart.

By the end of the treadmill test you can barely breathe. Dawn helps you to chair before getting you a bottle of water. You hear her shout of Christen and within seconds your girlfriend is by your side.

"Y/N breathe for me" Christen begs. She had never seen you this out of breath.

"It hurts" you clasp both of your hands over your chest. This couldn't be happening, not here, not now.

"What's going on with her?" Christen asks dawn.

"She is--" Dawn tries to answer but Tobin and Sonnet come running over.

"She took an elbow to the chest in our last game and it's causing her some problems" Tobin tells her.

"She'll be fine. Here, use this" Sonnet gives you an ice pack knowing that it helps with your chest pains.

Your hands shake whilst you hold the cold block to your chest, so much so that Christen ends up taking it from you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christen asks.

When you look to Christen you see the hurt you are causing her and this is because she didn't know about a tackle that didn't happen. In a matter of seconds you go from feeling pain to feeling guilty.

“I—" part of you tries to tell her the truth, even it it's only a half truth.

"It's best if she doesn't talk" Tobin cuts in.

Dawn tells you that you're done for the day and that Christen should take you back to your room. Your girlfriend talks to the performance coach in hopes that she can tell her what to do to make you feel better.

"I don't know what's going on with you but you cannot tell her when you're like this. She will think you’re ill" Tobin whispers in your ear.

"That's because I am ill and I always will be. She deserves to be with someone who isn't a burden" your breathing begins to even out.

"Y/N don't do anything stupid. You trust us with your secret, you can trust her too"

"No, my mom trusted you. I didn't want people to know because they look at me like—“

"Like what"

"Like that" you point at both of the friends "Like I'm broken"

Walking away you feel their eyes burning into the back of your head but you don't look back. Christen stands near the door with her hand extended waiting for you to take it.

Once back in your room Christen goes straight into the bathroom and begins running the bath. It is something that calmed the two of you but funnily enough you haven't done it whilst being at camp. Your girlfriend comes back out to find you laid back on the bed, your eyes closed with one hand on your chest. She can just about hear you counting your breaths.

"Join me" Christen says from the door way but she doesn't get an answer, you don't even move.

"Baby, come join me" the softness in her tone when she calls you the name that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world gets your attention.

"I think i'm just going to lay here for a while"

"Look at me" your girlfriend demands and upon doing so see her standing there in nothing but her underwear "I wasn't asking"

The smirk that pulls at your lips in uncontrollable. The sight you saw had the power to bring to your knees and the past had proven that.

"Then I won't say no" you stand and remove your shorts and as you walk towards her you remove your top.

Christen is the first to get into the bath and she slides forward so that you can slip in behind her. She grabs your arms, wraps them around her and then covers your arms with her own.

"I love you Christen Press" you place a kiss to her jawline "but if something were to happen to me then I want you to move on" you feel a tear roll down your cheek but you cannot wipe it away "Please don't waste your years mourning me and don't be afraid to open your heart to another. You wouldn't be betraying me and although i'll be gone, i'll always be with you, in here" you place your hand over her heart.

"Y/N--" Christens shifts her weight.

"Don't look at me"

This was strange. You and Christen are very open about your feelings and aren't scared to be vulnerable around each other but whenever you shared these moments you wanted to feel as close to her as possible which lead to the two of you having eye contact.

"You are my one true love Y/N Y/L/N and should the worse happen, that will never change. I cannot make a promise to move on because I am not in control of my heart but I will promise to let love in should it come to me"

"I will love you Christen until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

This time you don't stop her as she turns in the water so her legs are either side of you. You craved her touch and reassurance that everything would be ok only she couldn't tell you that. That night Christen makes you forget about how this pain in your chest has ended in the past and you don't think twice about whether you future is going to last a year or ten years.

Game day came on day 5 without your medication and you were starting to regret not going home to get them. Sleep had become nothing more than a long nap and every time you ran it felt like a marathon. Still you had been able to downplay your struggles and Jill put you in the starting 11 despite being concerned about you.

You knew there was one person you couldn't fool and you did your best to avoid her until the whistle. At the pitch inspection you stayed away from the Canadians but you saw Christine staring at you from a distance, by the look on her face you knew she knew. When she tipped her head towards the tunnel so she could speak with you, you shook your head.

"You should go see her" Christen nudges towards where your club captain is standing.

"And fraternise with the enemy. I would much rather fraternise with you" you whisper in her ear.

It seems that Christen buys your distraction as she doesn't bring it up again even when Christine waits by the locker room after the warm ups.

You think you have managed to evade your friend's questioning but when you stand in the line waiting to go out you have a bad feeling in your gut so when Christine walks by you grab her arm and pull her back towards you.

"I didn't bring enough medication with me" you confess.

Up until now you haven't been scared but the look Christine gives makes you feel just that.

"How long?" she keeps her reply short given the crowd of players that surround you.

"5 days" You see Christine eye up Jill as she walks past "No, don't. I can handle this game but you need to know if case something happens"

"What makes you think that?"

You bring you hand to your chest "gut feeling" you reply.

Once gain Christine's expression changes and the worry is not something she can hide. She pulls you into her arms and whispers in you ear.

"I know you can handle it especially when playing so be smart out there kid"

And that is exactly what you do or at least for the first 50 minutes it is. All of sudden you feel your chest tighten and you feet give way underneath you as your body goes into fight or flight response. You do everything in your power to fight but it is too hard. Within seconds you are laid out of the floor, instead of your heart beating rapidly it is slow, too slow.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Christen kneels beside you.

Your eyes lock onto her, she is the reason why you want to fight but your lack of response does more harm than good. The team don't know what is happening so they don't call the medics over.

"Is it your heart?" Tobin asks having no care in the world about who hears her.

"What's wrong with her heart? Is this about the knock you took?"

You had been dreading this moment but somehow it has turned out worse than you imagined.

"I'm" you take a deep breathe "sorry"

"Why are you sorry? Tobin what is she sorry for? What is going on?"

Tobin looks at you and you use whatever energy you have left to shake your head.

"Sincy" you look at Tobin and she understands what you want but she doesn't want to leave your side.

Emily picks up on this "It's ok, i'll get her"

The defender turns to get your team mate only to see the opposing captain already running over.

"Move out of my way" Christine pushes her way through the white shirts.

"Sincy, it hurts" tears start to fall as fear begins to set in.

"Tobin get your medics now"

Christine looks at your team mates but her gaze ultimately falls on your girlfriend who looks petrified. Christen has one of your hands in hers, squeezing it so tightly that part of your fingers have turned white.

"I don't want to die" your words earn gasps from your team mates. Some of the Portland players are trying to hold back from crying as they know what this could mean.

"You're not going to die" Christen places a kiss to the back of your hand "Why would you die? You can't die. Christine" Christen looks up to the older player only to see her holding Tobin in her arms as she tries to console her "Tobin" at the sight on her best friend in tears she knows that something much bigger is going on.

The medics come running onto the pitch and in that very moment you realise that the secret you have kept for the last 27 years is about to come to light. When one of them starts asking question you know that you don't have it in you to answer them,  a mixture of not wanting to and not having the ability to.

"She has a heart defect and hasn't been taking her medication" Christine says when she realises you wouldn't say it. Your club captain proceeds to explain your condition in detail as well as your medical history.

"No" Christen shouts "She is fine, tell them you're fine Y/N. You're not sick, you just took a knock in your last game. I know you're not sick because you would have told me, we don't have secrets" tears are flowing freely down your girlfriends face.

"Y/N" Christen whispers when she feels your hand slowly loosen it's grip from her own.

"I don't want to die. I wan’t—" your breathing hitches once again as your bodies tries to inhale a much oxygen as possible.

"Baby, no" Christen leans forward and rests her forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry. I love you" those are are the last words you say and Christen is the last thing you see before it goes black.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. I need everyone to back up so we can try and save her life" One of the doctors say as the other one sprints away in search of the defibrillator.

"No, i'm not leaving her" Christen holds onto your unconscious form. It is only when Ashlyn pulls her away does she let go and begins sobbing into her friends arms.

The team stand there, helpless, as they watch the medics try to resuscitate you. All of them feeling a mixture of emotions. Some are angry at you, why didn't you tell them things had got this bad. Others feel guilty having known nothing about your condition, they begin wondering if the signs where there and they had just been too ignorant to see them.

Christen feels every emotion under the sun but the strongest one of them all is rage. You were her girlfriend and not only did you keep this from her, her best friend did too. You were the two people she trusted the most in the world yet today made it clear that trust wasn't reciprocated.

You are loaded into an Ambulance and taken the the nearest hospital. Christen is asked if she wants to go with you but she says no. The game gets suspended and the teams head back into their locker rooms. The US players planned on getting changed and heading straight to you.

The atmosphere in the locker room is something that neither of them have experienced before.

"You knew!" Christen shouts at Tobin.

"Chris" Pinoe tries to pull your girlfriend towards her locker but fails.

"No, I deserve an answer. My girlfriend was sick and you didn't tell me"

"It wasn't my secret to tell Christen. She made us promise not to tell you"

Tobin's words didn't exactly instil faith and calmness in her friend.

"Us?" Christen takes a step back and she scans the locker room. Now that's she is looking, it is very obvious who knew and who didn't "Emily, Lindsey. You knew too" Christen couldn't believe it.

"I didn't know things has gotten this bad. Y/N has episodes but she handles them on her own" Emily tells her.

"She doesn't like to talk about it" Lindsey adds.

"And Christine Sinclair knew" It isn't a question. The woman's action on the pitch made it obvious that she is very aware of your condition.

"I did"

Turning around Christen comes face to face with the women she was talking about.

"I have known since the beginning" the invisible spotlight that was placed on Christine made her nervous "I'm going to the hospital. Come with me and I will tell you everything"

Christen quickly replaces her boots with a pair of trainers, grabs a jacket and follows your captain.

Christen sat in the hospital waiting room alone. The seats either side of her remained empty because although her teammates wanted to support their friend, they knew it was just as important to give her space. It didn't make sense at first, you being ill, but then she begins replaying some of your recent conversations. Obviously the one you shared in the bath a few nights prior wasn't as hypothetical as Christen thought. Did you really think that Christen could move on from you?

"Family of Y/N Y/L/N"

Upon hearing your name the entire USWNT flock towards to the man clad in scrubs.

"I'm her girlfriend" Christen says as she stands directly in front of him.

"I'm sorry her file says to only discuss medical matters with direct family or Christine Sinclair, is that you?"

Christen couldn't believe what she is hearing. Even when you are in god knows what condition you are still determined to keep this from her.

"That's me. This is Christen Press and you can discuss Y/N's condition with her" Your friend has had enough of your secrets, Christen deserves the know the truth and at this point she knew that you could no longer hide it but that you would still try.

"Unfortunately Y/N coded again on the way here. Her heart had to work overdrive just to beat regularly and in the end it couldn't take it"

"No, She" your girlfriend couldn't believe what she was hearing "She can't die"

"She's alive Miss Press" The doctor confirmed "What I meant is that her heart couldn't take it which lead to the incident during your game. I spoke with her doctor in Portland and we agreed that minor surgery was needed until she can have a full exam when she returns home. Y/N is in recovery right now for observation then we will move her to a private room. I will have someone come get you when she is allowed visitors"

Christen stands frozen in her spot. Her mind, body and soul had grieved your death twice now even if it wasn't permanent.

"This is a good thing Chris" Tobin ignores the looks she gets as she talks to her best friend.

"How is this good Tobin? She almost died, no she did die. I lost her"

Tobin tries to pull Christen into a hug but she fights it. She takes her anger, which is rightly or wrongly is aimed at you, out on Tobin before surrendering.

"How could she not tell me Tobin? I'm suppose to be her person, she tells me she loves me yet—“

Christen is cut off before she can finish her sentence.

"You really don't get it do you" Christine says. After speaking to the doctor she found a seat near your Portland team mates "Y/N does love you more than you realise. It is the reason why she hasn't told you. I know that doesn't make sense but it does in her mind. Y/N has never told anyone about her heart condition"

"That's not true. You know, Tobin, Lynsey, Emily and I guess Becky knows, oh and dawn too, maybe even jill"

"You're right but that's not because Y/N told us. Her mom is reason why we know. She told us for this exact reason, in case something happens to her daughter and she isn't there to help her. In Y/N’s eyes she was protecting you by not telling you"

"That does sound like Y/N" Ashlyn sees sense in what the Canadian is saying.

"It doesn't make it ok"

"No it doesn't and for what it's worth Tobin has been begging Y/N to tell you since you started dating" Christine comes to her team mates defence.

Christen knows deep down that none of this was Tobin's fault and that her reaction was uncalled for. The way Tobin looks at her is something she has never seen before but then it hits her. You might have been her girlfriend but you are Tobin's best friend.

"I'm sorry Tobin. It just the thought of losing her is—“

"I know. It's scares me too"

When the pair hug, the team awe in response. For a brief moment the energy changes but it doesn't last long.

"Y/N is awake"

Having not needed to be told twice, Christen heads straight towards the nurse.

"You're going to have to wait sweetie. Y/N only wants to see Miss Sinclair"

It hurt. Once again you were choosing Christine over her and quite frankly Christen has had enough. A huge part of her wanted to say 'screw you' and leave. If you didn't want to see her then she wasn't going to stick around.

"Let's go get a coffee" Pinoe suggests which Christen agrees, Tobin follows in suit.

The three of them return just as Christine is storming through the hallway. Clearly nothing good happened in your room but it wasn't clear if the bad thing was related to the incident or something else.

"Christine, wait" Christen grabs her hand as she strides past them "What's wrong"

"She's unbelievable and all yours. I'm done"

Christen heads straight for you room, alone. The rest of the team know that there is conversation that needs to be had between the two of you and they had no right to be a part of it.

The sight itself is worrying. You are laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to several hospital wires and have a nasal cannula which is helping you breathe. All in all you didn't look well and it made the next words that came out of your mouth that much more frustrating.

"Don't look at me like that, i'm fine" your attempt at reassuring your girlfriend seems to have the opposite affect.

"No more lies Y/N. You're not fine. I watched you die, do you know what that was like?" Christen starts the speech that she had been planning in her head for the last couple of hours.

When you see her eyes begin to well up you want nothing more than to get out of the bed and comfort your girlfriend but you simply didn't have the strength. Instead you used what strength you did have to move over slightly so there was room for her near you.

"Come here"

Christen does so happily. Even though she is mad she has been craving the feeling of being in your arms and the solace it brings her.

"You knew this would happen. It's why you talked about you dying when we laid in the bath. You held me in your arms and we had a conversation which you knew could happen whilst I thought you were being hypothetical"

"I meant what I said. When I die I want you to move on with your life, not live in the past, in our past" once again you cannot bring yourself to make eye contact with your girlfriend.

Christen hovers her hand over your chest before placing it on your heart. The room goes quiet, enough so that you can hear her counting the beats under her breath. She is worried about you and you knew what the next couple of months would look like. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. You never wanted things to come to this and you certainly didn’t want to be the reason for Christen’s pain. It’s why you know the thing you are going to next is the right thing to do.

“Why did Christine leave?”

Well it looks like Christen is going to be the one to initiate the conversation only she has no idea what is about to come.

“I told her i’m not going to have the surgery when I get home. If I do then I'll miss the olympics and that isn’t something I am willing to do. I am going to have another minor surgery and work with the doctors so that I make it until the summer”

Christen lifts her head so she can see your face and what she is met with worries her. You are blank, almost emotionless but it was the facade you chose to put up in order get through this talk.

“No! You—“

“Christen the last few years we have shared have been incredible and I wouldn’t change a thing. I know you are mad at me for keeping this from you but I don’t regret it. If I had it my way you would have never found out. I wanted to protect you from the pain that comes with my condition because I saw what it did to my mom and I won’t have you going through the same worry”

“Y/N” Christen doesn’t like what she is hearing.

“I love you Christen Annemarie Press more than anything in this world and it’s why I can’t be with you”

Her eyes well up within seconds. Her breathing becomes erratic and it matches the increasing beeps on your monitor. You may be calm on the outside but the wires hooked up to your chest tell a different story.

“No. You don’t get to tell me your dying then break up with me, that’s not how this ends, I won’t let it” Christen refuses to acknowledge that you have decided to end your relationship.

“Chris” You reach out for her hand but she pulls away just as your fingertips touch.

“Why are you doing this? We’ve talked about our future, marriage and kids. I may not have known you were sick but you did and you still had those conversations. Were they lies too?”

You get up out of bed against your better judgement. You ignore the pain in your chest and the rapid beeping coming from behind you.

“I never lied to you, I withheld the truth, there is a difference. Those conversations we had were a fantasy, one that made me look forward to a future I knew I might not have. I am doing this because I love you way to much to break your heart just because mine is already broken”

Your emotions are starting to get the better of you whilst Christen has tears rolling down her cheeks. It was naive to believe you could break up with the love or your life and not have her fight for you.

“You are so selfish Y/N” Christen’s sadness has turned into rage “I am willing to stand by your side though all of this and you are pushing me away. You are making a decision for our future without letting me have a say”

“I might not have a future Christen!”

The volume of your tone is the last straw. Doctors who had been monitoring your vitals come rushing into the room to make sure that you are ok, your team mates follow in suit.

“Miss Y/L/N I need you to get back into bed before you rip open your stitches” One of the nurses try to usher you back toward the bed but you don’t move.

“Christen, Listen to me. I am doing this because I love you, one day you will see that. I have to let you go”

Christen waits in your room to hear you out but she doesn’t respond before leaving.

When you are back in bed you cannot bring yourself to look at any of your team mates. There are those that knew and some that didn’t. You chose to stare out the window and your friends leave one by one, soon enough it is just Tobin and Emily in the room.

“You’re not getting the surgery?” Emily asks you. She had been the one to follow Christine to find out what happened.

“I can’t. I want to go to Tokyo and I can’t if I get it. My doctor said the risks are very high given the stress that my heart is currently under and he’s not sure if it can take it. I meant what I said on the pitch, I don’t want to die” The blonde understood your reasoning and didn’t question it any further.

Tobin on the other hand. She has had enough with your stubbornness and you knew that a lecture was coming.

“Please don’t” you beg her

“You two were made for each other and you just threw that away, why?” Tobin asks you.

“Because it easier to mourn someone you hate than someone you love”

The next month was tough. You were back in Portland, a place you called home, but you had never felt more alone. Your friends were mad at you for not getting surgery, even Christine only spoke to you when her captain duties called for it. Christen spent the first week after the incident texting and messaging you. She was fighting for your relationship but you couldn't step into the ring for her.

You had to take a temporary step back from the team to recover and get back to a place where you can play high level soccer. You released a statement saying that you were stepping away in order to focus on your health. You didn't give the fans anymore details and they respected your wishes, the press on the other hand, well they wanted to know what the damage was.

Truth is you missed your friends and the loneliness that your stubbornness caused became overwhelming which only made things worse. Your doctor was pleased with the improvements you were making but after the first few weeks things took a turn for the worse. The temporary surgery you had in Arizona had reached its limits a lot sooner than your doctor had hoped.

It was three months later when it came to a head.

"When do I have to make the decision?" you ask.

You had just completed another round of tests and as you sit in your doctor's office you can tell by the energy in the room and the lack of eye contact of his behalf that things weren't good.

"I would like to do this as soon as possible and before you ask, it is my recommendation that we do the full repair"

"But what about the risks? I want to go to Tokyo and you said the best way for me to do that is to have the smaller surgery and reevaluate when I get back"

"Y/N if we don't do this surgery I cannot guarantee that you make it to the summer"

"So what you're saying is I have the surgery or become part of the 27 club?" You let out a small chuckle but nothing about this was funny.

"I'm sorry things have come to this and I know it isn't what you wanted"

"It's ok, these things happen" It was as if you had already admitted defeat.

When you get up from your chair it's as if time had slowed down. You walked over the window which ironically looks over Providence park. You had made so many memories there and you truly thought you would have years to make more, now though you're not too sure.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" your doctor stands beside you "Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be about this but you can't close yourself off from everybody. You shouldn't keep your friends at arms length Y/N, they are there because they want to support you"

"I don't want to become their problem"  you confess.

"I made a promise to someone but they're not my patient you are" He goes back to his desk "Christen Press calls my office once a week to get updates on you"

You were both happy and angry after hearing this. On one hand it was nice to know she still cared but you had been killing yourself, literally, so that you could keep her away from this and your doctor has been telling her anyways.

"You had no right"

"No I didn't but it was the right thing to do. That women loves you Y/N. When faced with death most of my patients live life there's no tomorrow. They do all the things that are on their bucket list, they make memories with their friends and confess their feelings but you, you have done the opposite. You refuse to see or speak to anyone unless it is unavoidable and you push away the woman you love most in this world. I made a decision, one that I won't apologise for"

At this point your doctor was like family so he didn't mind calling you out when your were being stubborn or stupid.

"What if I hurt her?"

Dying doesn't scare you because you had been preparing for it your entire life. Being the reason that Christen cries herself to sleep at night, that is one of your greatest fears.

"You already are by pushing her away"

You knew he was right. It became obvious the moment you broke up with her but in your eyes you were hurting her a little bit now in order to keep from hurting a lot more later on.

"Can I call you tomorrow with an answer?"

"Of course"

When you leave his office your phone feels like it's burning a hole in your pocket. Every part of you wanted to hear Christen's voice but something was stopping you.

Ignorance had been your greatest ally as of late. If you weren't at the hospital or at rehab then you would tell yourself that you are healthy but you were no longer able to ignore the uncertainty of your future. Portland has been home since you went No1 in the draft so subconsciously you take yourself to Providence park which isn’t all that strange considering it’s about this time of day when training ends. You stop at a poster of you and Tobin after you won the championship last season, the two of you looked so happy and carefree.

"It's a good photo" you don't need to turn around in order to know who is there.

"Y/N and Heath, Portland's unstoppable force" It was a nickname that the fans gave the both of you years ago and it has stuck ever since.

"Well one of us is" Tobin jokes.

"I guess I deserve that. I've missed you Tobs" you hug her tightly with a force that she returns.

"You're scaring us Y/N. Everyone is worried about you. Christen isn't herself, she is barely sleeping, every time she closes her eyes she sees you on that pitch or worse. She told me the other night that she finds herself walking through cemetery and it is your headstone that she goes to"

"I never wanted any of this to happen. I just wanted to protect her, you do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do and she does too. I know you don't want to talk about it but please tell me you're getting better" Tobin pleads.

"I wish I could. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to put you in a position where you have to lie but I need to have the big surgery, the one I have been putting off, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to have it yet"

"You're scared?" Tobin asks and you nod "You will make the right decision Y/N and I know you want to do this alone but if you want me to then i'll be by your side through it all"

The offer meant more than Tobin knew. You truly thought that your behaviour over the past couple of months had burnt the bridges that you call your friendships.

"Thank you Tobin"

She joins you as you wander the city but after an hour she picks up on the fact that you wanted to be alone and before leaving she reminds you once again that she is only a call away should you need her.

You find a bench that over looks the water. You put your earphones in and dial Christen's number, praying to the higher powers that she answers, she doesn't. It didn't come as a surprise, you didn't deserve her time. You try again only this time you decide to leave a voicemail.

"Hi bab—, sorry I mean Christen, it's Y/N. I have been told that I should talk to someone and you are the first person that came to my mind. I—“

"Y/N? Are you ok? Is something wrong"

"Christen?" you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if the call has connected "you didn't pick up, I thought I was leaving a voicemail"

"Sorry I was in the shower. Is everything ok?"

"I want to talk to you but I need you to treat me like the old Y/N, not the weak and broken Y/N"

"You're not broken Y/N. You are human and sometimes humans get sick"

"Chris, please"

"Girlfriend Y/N or cocky and confident Y/N? Just so I know which Y/N I am speaking to?" she chuckles slightly as she allows herself to get lost in the game are playing.

"The one that loves you unconditionally"

"My favourite Y/N"

You ignore the butterflies that you feel when you hear Christen's voice. Despite everything that is going on with you and her, she still manages to calm you down without even trying.

"I remember the first time you took me home to meet your family, I was so nervous. I know how much they mean to you and although you are this independent woman who doesn't need anyones approval, you still wanted theirs and I thought for certain I wouldn't get it"

This was news to Christen. She couldn't have imagined this is how you felt given the way you strode into the Press family full of confidence and not willing to let anyone get in the way of your relationship.

"I didn't know that"

"Can you remember the end of the night when you Dad asked to speak to me outside?" you hear Christen hum on the other end "That was the calmest I had been the entire night"

"Y/N, that doesn't make sense"

"It does because I knew the 'nobody will be good enough for my daughter' speech was coming. He asked me if I deserved to be in his daughters life and I said no. It was an easy answer because although I had known you for a few years, we had only being dating for a few months and in that time you showed me just how amazing you are and part of me knew from the moment I met you that you were too good for me Christen. The next morning Channing and Tyler cornered me in the kitchen and asked me the same type of question. The only person who didn't was your mom"

"She told me to tell that she's really mad at you"

"She'll have to get in line. Can I continue?"

You take her silence as a yes.

"Your mom asked me why I don't trust that her daughter is making the right decision. I said because i'm not capable of loving you like you deserve and whether it be in one year or ten years, I will break your heart"

"Y/N"

"She told me breaking someone's heart isn't always a bad thing because if you have the power to do that then they must love you with every fibre of their being and that isn't something to be sad about. She said when the day comes, I won't do it on purpose because if I do then I would be hurting myself in the process"

"When the day comes? She knew?"

"I asked myself the same question. Her words were filled with so much comfort that I was sure she did but it wasn't possible"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I knew from day one that this wasn't going to end well and I pursued it anyways. I was selfish and I have hurt you when I spent years making sure that didn't happen"

When the line goes quiet you are sure that Christen has hung up. You wouldn't be angry if she did, it was nice of her to give you the time that she had.

"Can you remember the night before the world cup final when we walked the streets of Paris?"

This is how the rest of the night went. You and Christen went back and forth sharing your favourite memories from your time together. Every so often she would change the subject to your health but it was only for a second then she would go back to her story.

The night draws in and the temperature drops but you are too content sitting by the water, admiring the view and talking to Christen. A dog comes running up to you, the bark makes Christen question where you are.

"Y/N where are you?"

"On a bench"

"You should go home"

"But I don't want to say goodbye"

Both of you go silent. The heaviness of the words you just said bring back the reality of what has been going in.

"There's no reason for you to say goodbye" Christen says and it's obvious even she didn't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth.

"Chris"

"No, I won't have this conversation with you over the phone. If you want to say your goodbyes then you do it in person"

"I love you and my heart, as broken as it may be, belongs to you and it will do until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

A strong sense of Deja Vu hits you and Christen. You had said this before but the meaning is different now.

"Stop"

"I need surgery Christen and the risks are high but if I don't have it then I don't know how long—“

"Y/n, please" Christen begs you from her end of the phone "I know you broke up with me and I know why but I love you"

"Christen, stop. I can tell what you're thinking. Please don't come to Portland"

"But I want to be with you"

"I am only a phone call away but I need space to do this ok?"

"I want to make a deal. No more radio silence. You call me every day, whether it is a good day or a bad one. I'll give you your space but I need you in my life"

Christen's determination was admirable and you wouldn't expect anything less.

"We have a deal"

"Pinky promise?"

"Ok"

"I need to hear you say it"

"Christen I pinky promise to call you everyday"

You decided not to get the major surgery. Life is short, you know this more than most, so you took your chances and worked with the physios to get you fit and healthy in time for the summer. It was difficult and there were days that you felt like giving up but you persisted, maybe a little too hard.

The bad days came along more than the good days but you kept your promise to christen. You called her everyday, sometimes twice.

You were promised a spot on the olympic roster if the doctors cleared you. It didn't matter if you didn't take part in the camps. The staff and players knew you belonged on the team, you could take a year off and still step on the pitch like no time had passed.

Just before the send off series, a rematch against Canada was organised. Due to the history of the fixture both teams felt they owed the fans a full 90 minute match. They agreed to have the game in Portland seen as though the city means so much to you.

Christen wanted to go to your apartment as soon as she landed but in the end she chooses to respect your wishes.

Your absence in the locker room was obvious. It was the first time that the national team had played without you in years and each player struggled with the thought of not having you on the pitch with them. Christen kept checking her phone every few minutes, you hadn’t had your morning call and something didn’t feel right. What she saw next seemed to add fuel to the fire.

“You can’t wear that?” Christen says when she watches Mallory change into her shorts. There on the left side was the number 7.

“Y/N told me to wear it” Mal’s defence was honest. She remembers getting the call from you, at first it was strange but then you explained the reason why and the young forward saw it as an honour.

“She would never do that” it is Tobin who speaks up “It’s her number and she wouldn’t give it up, not when she knows she’s—“ your best friends stops herself when she realises what you have done.

“When she’s what?” Mal asks.

“Never mind” Tobin retreats to her locker where she tries to call you only to get your voicemail.

The game ends in a 1-1 draw. Both halves were uneventful but the post match press conference made up for that. Canada goes first and as Christine Sinclair sits down she has no idea what she is in for.

The US team watch from the changing room given that their captain is next and they want to see what she gets asks.

“Christine do you have a comment on the latest news regarding your Portland Thorns team mate Y/N Y/L/N?”

It was a question that threw not only her off but the entire USWNT locker room. As far as they were aware you were recovering well and on track to return to the team.

“What news is that?” Christine says as she ignores the pit that is forming in her stomach.

“What are they talking about?” Christen asks Tobin. The insecurities of been left in the dark regarding your condition come straight to the surface.

“I don’t know” Tobin tries to hide her worry.

The journalist who asked the question remains quiet. It was clear that Christine didn’t know what he was talking about and he knew that a press conference wasn’t the right place to tell her and he shouldn't be the one to do so.

“Tell me, please” Christine encourages the journalist.

“I have a source that tells me Y/N was brought into OHSU this morning by ambulance and that she was rushed into emergency heart surgery” she can tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t want to say it.

“This press conference is over” Christine leaves and heads straight for the opposing teams locker room.

The room that holds your team is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They were all in a state of shock that left them frozen in their spot. The first to move is Emily who calls your number time and time again hoping that if she does it enough then you will pick up. Tobin is next, she calls you mom who doesn’t answer either.

“Hello”

Christen’s voice fills the locker room.

“Ok, I understand”

Her team mates watch and wait for her to tell them something, anything. Christen takes a deep breathe before turning her attention to the team.

“That was her doctor’s office. All they can tell me is that she is in surgery”

Christen takes a deep breath. A few days ago she begged you for honesty and against your better judgement you gave it to her. You told her everything and what followed was never part of your plan. After cooking a meal together over face time Christen asked you to say goodbye and you knew you owed her that. It wasn't a sad goodbye and you didn't talk about your past. You talked about a life where you are healthy, get married, have children and live long enough to grow old together then at the end you said your goodbyes.

It is the reason why Christen remains in her locker when the rest of the team get ready to go the hospital. Even as Christine comes to tell them the news that they already know, she remains still and calm.

"Christen, get your stuff together, we need to go" Tobin tells her.

Yet she doesn't move.

"I'm not going"

"I understand that things aren't great between the two of you but this is bad and she needs you"

That's the thing, even though you wasn't dating, you and Christen were in a good place. There were no more lies between you and it made your friendship stronger than it ever was.

"I've already said my goodbye and I don't want my last memory to be of her in a hospital bed"

The team couldn't believe what they were hearing. They had no idea you were at a point when goodbyes were necessary.

Given the seriousness of the surgery you were having, most of the team decide to go back to the hotel while a handful of them went to to the hospital.

Christen however asks for space and the team give it to her. She doesn't go back to the hotel, instead she goes to your apartment and uses the key you gave her to let herself in. She goes straight to your room and gets changed into a pair of your joggers and grabs a hoodie as she brings it up to her nose she takes a deep breathe in, it smelled just like you.

She gets into your bed, the one that you shared many times before. Then she gets her phone, opens up your thread of messages and scrolls until she find the one she is looking for. It was a voice note followed by the text 'don't listen now. Wait until it's time'. At first she thought it was vague but right now she knew now is the time you were referring to.

Hearing your voice knowing that there's a chance she won't hear it in person again brings Christen to tears and all you're doing is mumbling words of frustration as you have knocked a drink over whilst recording.

"Sorry about that. Now, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, I love you. It's been a while since I have told you that but if you're listening to this then i'm guessing you need to hear it. I know you are scared right now but I want you to know everything is going to be ok, I promise"

"How can you promise that?" Christen says to the phone.

"And I can promise that because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met"

She laughs at little at how much you know her.

"I know we said our goodbyes but now I want to say thank you. Living the life I have means that I have cherished everyday I've spent on this earth and those days have been better than I could have ever imagined because I got to share them with you. You see I was determined not to fall in love but then you came along and I found out how naive I was to think I had a choice in the matter"

"I didn't have a choice either Y/N" she replies as if you are there in the room with her.

"I never feared death growing up but now the thought petrifies me and it's because I have something to lose and somebody to live for. I want a future with you, I want to marry you, will you marry me? No Y/N what are you doing you can't ask the women to marry you over voice note pull yourself to together"

A small chuckle escapes christen's lips are she listens to you tell your self off.

"Would you marry me?"

She had never heard you sound this unsure before.

"I would" she answers your questions.

"I hope you said yes otherwise this next part is going to be very awkward. I take it your in my apartment right now and in my bed, if I am correct then you can open the draw to the left of you where you will find a small box"

Christen's interest had spiked. How did you manage to plan all of this over a voice note. Just as you said she finds a red box and awaits further instructions.

"Open it"

She does so and finds a diamond ring.

"This ring is open for interpretation but for me it's a reminder. Should I die I want you to remember the love that I have for you. I bought it during the world cup but I told myself that I would only give you it after I had told you about my condition. Can I class this as me giving it to you?"

You are about to answer your own question once again but out of nowhere you begin coughing and Christen winces at the sound. She doesn't know when you recorded the message but given that you are in surgery she can guess it was recorded in the last couple of days.

"Sorry, give me a minute"

Christen listens as you try to get your breath back.

"I really hope this is not the last time you hear my voice" she can tell you are scared.

"My dying wish is that you find peace"

"Don't say that" Christen begs.

"I truly am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I never wanted it to happen. Goodbye my love"

Christen waits for you to say to more but you don't. That is the last part of the voice note. She lays in your bed long enough to watch the sunset through your window. In the same draw that held the ring is a photo album, one that you had made. There were photos taken over your career, of you and your friends and quite a few of you and her.

Later that night Christen receives a text from Tobin saying that you are out of surgery and that you should wake up in a few hours once the anaesthesia has worn off. Then she received a second message saying that you had woken up but Christen stayed in your apartment. When her phone goes off again she assumes it will be Tobin asking why she hasn't come to visit but that isn't the case.

Have you been watering my cactus?

Christen cannot believe it. You have just had major heart surgery and this is the thing you say.

You don't need to water a cactus. They live in the desert.

I knew that. I was just testing you.

She doesn't get the chance to respond before you send another message.

I know I scared you. Will you come and see me? It doesn't have to be today, it can be in a couple of days or whenever you are ready. It's not like I can go anywhere.

I'll come by the day after tomorrow. You need your rest.

You were disappointed to receive Christen's reply. You may have been surrounded by your mom and close friends but the only person want to see wasn't there.

Just as she said, Christen walks the halls of the hospital two days later. She finds your room but cannot muster up enough courage to go inside.

"She's ok" your mom's voice causes her to turn on her heels "The wires make it look worse than it actually is"

"I don't know if i'm ready to see her like that yet" Christen admits. It was the reason why she had waited this long to come.

"I understand but she has been waiting for you. You were the first person she asked for when she woke up"

"Is she alone?"

"No Tobin is in there with her now. She hasn't left the hospital since she got here after the game but she was asleep when I left. I'll give you some time with her" and with that your mom walks away.

The door to your hospital room opens and you are expecting your mom or more doctors but instead it is the person you love most in the world.

"Hi"

When you see Christen you notice the dark circles in her eyes and the way her smile is forced. You look her up and down as if doing your own inspection and that is when you see it.

Christen is overcome with emotion as she saunters over towards you and before you can say anything her lips are on yours. Nothing in this world compared to moments like this, when your connection with Christen is proven through a small act of intimacy.

When you pull apart Christen sits on the side of your bed.

"Nice ring" you hold her hand up just enough to see the diamond glisten in the lights.

"Crappy proposal"

At least now you know Christen listened to the voice note and wasn't just snooping around.

"It's wasn't a proposal remember? And I don't recall telling you which finger it was for" There is a hint of playfulness in your voice but the truth of the matter is you were happy to see Christen wearing the ring but then she takes it off and gives it to you.

"Y/N you gave me this ring because you thought our story was over but it isn't. Regardless of how long it is, we have a future together and I want to spend it with you so no more running, no more secrets or lies and no more protecting me from this" Christen gentles rests her index finger on your heart "You may not have proposed but right here I take the vow to love you in sickness and in health and to be your partner in the good times and bad"

You didn't know what to say. Christen knew everything and she still chose to stand by your side. You always said you didn't deserve her and now you know this more than ever but the difference is you are determined to spend your life making up for the years you spent keeping her in the dark. You will earn back her trust and show her just how much you love her.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt one shot #uswnt imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #christen press x reader #christen press imagine #christen press one shot #angel city fc x reader

[renjunniex]

Thank You, For Being You

Isaac Lahey x Fem!Reader Series

Omega Part 1

Omega Part 2 | Shape Shifted | Ice Pick | Abomination | Venomous | Frenemy | Restraint | Raving | Party Guessed |

A/n: This mini-ish series will take place from season 2-3. Also just a disclaimer I’m not POC and when i write i always imagine myself in the situation I’m writing and then describe it accordingly of course i will do my absolute best to keep this inclusive for everyone however if i make a mistake please feel free to let me know! This is also my first ever x reader story, I’ve always done OCs when writing on other platforms so be patient with me please! Thank you and love you guys! <3

Prompt: after everything that happened with Peter had finally been resolved it was time to watch over Lydia, unfortunately not everything goes to plan.

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You were sitting in the hospital waiting room with Stiles, who was unfortunately snoring and very clearly dreaming about Lydia. Stiles rolled over in the chair, mumbling some nonsense you could care less about. However, it still made you chuckle, he’s been in love with her since you could remember and while you wished he would just leave it alone you knew he couldn’t.

Melissa walked through the door with Lydia’s father, he glanced at you and Stiles before pointing to you guys, “He’s been here all morning.” Melissa’s eyes met where the man was looking, “He’s been here all weekend.”

You chuckled and looked over to Stiles just in time to see him unknowingly freak out a poor staff lady with his sleep talking, “Sorry, he’s little… well as you can see, an odd sleeper.” She rolled her eyes before walking away, clearly not wanting to be bothered. You bumped Stiles in the stomach with your elbow and he shook awake making the balloon that was tied to the chair swish in his face.

“I’m going to get going, I’m exhausted and these chairs were not made for sleeping, even though you seem to have figured it out.” He glared at you before sitting up completely, “Did you want me to drive you home?”

You shook your head slightly, “No, don’t worry about it, Melissa’s house isn’t too far from here and I could use the fresh air after everything that’s happened.” He nodded understanding what you meant, from Scott’s werewolf problems, to Peter being an absolute menace to our grade point averages, and to top it all off your new abilities that awoke when Scott was bitten (you guys still have no idea what it is), it seemed that you guys didn’t even have time to breathe for a while.

“I’m just going to let Melissa know that I’m heading home and then I’ll be on my way,” You smiled and with a wave exchange between the both of you, you turned and made your way to the front door, where Melissa was standing behind the desk. You gave your parting words and she gave the motherly warning of “be careful” that you’re beyond used to at this point.

You see you are Y/N L/N, no relation to Melissa McCall or her son that you’ve known since you learned to talk, but your parents were in some accident when you were little and from then on Melissa and Sheriff Stilinksi took care of you. At first it was just them switching off every few weeks, then after Scott’s dad left you stayed exclusively with the Sheriff and when Melissa was able to move on from that event she took you in completely. You’ve been with her ever since, Stiles and Scott were like your brothers, always there for you when you needed it. Never made you feel like you were the odd one out, even though you were. That didn’t matter though, because you had all you needed, the perfect family in your eyes.

Your thoughts got interrupted by the sound of a machine, you turned your head in the direction of the sound only to realize you had reached the cemetery without realizing and it was Isaac Lahey working the machine. ‘His dad must’ve made him work a night shift, again.’

You actually knew the boy pretty well, you were in Chemistry together, even had a project you two were paired together for. He was such a sweet guy, insanely cute too although that you would never admit to anyone but yourself.

You knew to a slight degree of what his dad has done to him, you wanted to tell someone but the tall boy had a panic attack at just the thought of the idea. He said it was because if things were to go wrong he couldn’t bare the thought of his dad trying to hurt you.

You decided you were gonna stop by and keep him company for a while before making your way back home. You walked into the dark graveyard, making your way towards the rig that Isaac sat on so clearly focused on his work. He only noticed you when you raised your hand in the air and let your voice ring out.

“You seem quite focused over there, you wouldn’t mind some company, right?” You questioned with a slight smile on your face.

You could see his eyes just so slightly light up to the point where you could’ve probably made yourself believe you imagined it. “No, no, I wouldn’t mind, so long as you don’t mind being slightly uncomfortable in this one person seat.” He smiled so softly and you have to admit it made your heart flutter ever so slightly.

You put your hand over your heart and with a sarcastic look and tone you gasped, “Oh no, stuck in a one person seat with the ever so charming, Isaac Lahey? How ever will I cope?” He chuckled at your response and reached a hand out for you to take.

“Thank you my dear Prince Charming.” You said with a fake accent.

“Prince Charming, huh?” He inquired while holding onto your hand. You smiled and gave him a proud nod, “Yep, only a prince would allow a peasant like me to sit in this amazing contraption.” You gestured to the yellow machinery. He huffed amusedly before silently going back to his work and for the next ten minutes you both just basked in each other’s presence. You looked down and saw your hands still interlocked, you could almost feel your heart stop in that moment. Without even thinking more about it, you gave Isaac’s hand a small squeeze and right away you felt him squeeze your hand back.

You looked up at him, “Hey Isaac?”

“Yes, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I just was wondering if maybe you-”

Your phone rang before you even got a chance to finish, you sighed and gave him an apologetic look to which he shrugged it off in a light hearted manner. You looked down at your phone, which was still ringing, only to see a name that instantly made you worry.

Stiles?

Why would he be calling right now?

You answered the phone, only to hear the stuttering and chaotic mess that is the young Stilinksi boy, “Y/N!” You pulled the phone away from your ear, it caused Isaac’s head to snap to you, his eyebrow raised.

“Stiles, what could you possibly need right now, I’m kind of busy,” You huffed.

“LYDIA!”

“Lydia? What about Lydia?”

“She just left out the hospital window!” Your eyes widened, “She WHAT?”

“Yeah you heard me, look I’m gonna come get you, Scott already knows so we’ll regroup and find her.”

“There’s no need to come get me, I’m not that far right now, I’ll be there soon and then we can get Scott,” you glanced at Isaac hoping he wouldn’t be upset at the situation but he just gave you a look that said ‘it’s alright, I understand’ and you knew it would be okay.

“How are you not home yet?”

You sighed, “Now’s not the time, okay I’ll explain to you later.” You said your goodbyes and hung up the phone.

“Isaac, I’m really sorry but I have to go it’s an emergency,” you looked at him as he gave you a slight wave off, “It’s alright, I’ll see you at school.” You gave him a smile and without a second thought you kissed him on the cheek and hopped off the rig, starting your jog back to the hospital. “I’ll see you at school!”

Little did you know, you left the tall boy slightly red with his hand on his cheek.

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a/n: andddd that’s part one, i thought about doing the full episode in one part but i feel like that’s a lot to read over. Tbh none of this has been read over either lol ANYWAYS let me know what you think and if you see any mistakes let me know!

#Isaac lahey #teen wolf #Isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey imagine #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf x reader #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stilinski #scott mccall #alison argent #lydia martin #teen wolf series #isaac lahey fluff #isaac lahey angst #teen wolf fluff