#it talks about mental health so well!!!- lying ass

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Let's Talk About Lincoln And His Dads, Okay?

I think people claiming that Lincoln and Grant "aren't so different after all" because, like everyone else in the show, they both have blood on their hands, have mostly missed the mark on where the core of Lincoln's issues with his dad(s) lie in the first place.

Moreover, I'm tired of people insinuating that Lincoln's troubles pale in comparison to Normal's or Scary's or Hermie's, and I'm tired of people saying that Lincoln is overreacting, or that Lincoln is a hypocrite for calling out his dad's behavior, or that he is in the wrong for setting boundaries, or that he's ungrateful, or that he's responsible for ensuring his dad's emotional wellbeing and not the other way around!

*breathes* So let's. Let's finally talk about Lincoln and Grant (and Marco also him).

[WOAH THERE! Hey you, yeah you, this is a long-ass post, mhm, it's one of those, so please keep that in mind before venturing below the cut. Maybe grab yourself a drink or a bite to eat first, yeah? Additionally, sorry the transcript stuff is a bit messy in this one, tumblr has a 30 image limit and well, I had to find workarounds. Also, I haven't yet added alt text for the transcript screenshots- I plan to when I have a bit more energy for it, but I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause in the meantime!]

Part 1/4: "Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you"

Lincoln is certainly a pacifist at heart (in more recent times important examples of this include Lincoln's refusal to harm Scary in the Swallows household, as well as Lincoln being the only one of the teens to successfully avoid using violence in front of d00d during their most recent standoff with Willy), and in good paladin fashion functions as the group's moral compass the majority of the time.

Despite this, Lincoln's morals are not so simplistic and idealistic as to not differentiate between different motives for violence, nor does he view acts of violence in and of themselves as signs that a person is "evil" or "irredeemable". He can for example, see the difference between the acts of Willy and those of the kiddads, as he tries to explain when confronted by the other teens on the matter:

In fact, even after Grant tells Linc all of this during the incursion:

Lincoln's primary goal is still to save his dad first and foremost, then offer him the room to explain himself, without immediately chalking him up as a bad person because of what he has done.

Lincoln certainly doesn't approve of Grant and his violence, though he can understand that things are seldom black and white. But the killing is far from the only issue here. In fact, it's not even the main issue.

Grant creates a foundation based on trust and accountability whose importance in the Li-Wilson household is hammered in from the very first episode.

And we see throughout the early episodes of the season just how strongly Lincoln believes that Grant would never lie to him.

Then of course the incursion point encounter happens. There are several elements of this encounter that we will gloss over for now and go back to later, but of immediate importance is the fact that this interaction serves as direct confirmation for Lincoln that his dad has in fact been lying to him his entire life.

Additionally, he learns that Grant possesses a deep hatred of himself, wants to die, perceives himself as "broken beyond repair", and fears that Lincoln will somehow wind up just like him. That's a lot for one kid to have dropped on them, let alone all at once and without warning!

So- Lincoln wants to confront his dad after this both because he wants his dad to explain himself and take accountability for his dishonesty and for his actions more generally, and because he is concerned for his dad's wellbeing.

Now let's look at how Grant has, over the course of the season, responded to Lincoln's attempts to get him to take responsibility for his actions, and talk about his mental health:

The first thing Grant does is pull a classic Wilson "we'll talk about it later". Then the very next thing he does is lie to Lincoln again, now pretending that his plan is to fix things with Erin by offering her a gift (when of course he's actually set out to steal the sun)

Then as a deflection when Lincoln further tries to confront him about the lying, he indirectly equates everything he has kept secret from Lincoln (see the incursion point stuff) to "little white lies" and, contrary to the philosophy he so heavily instilled in Lincoln, argues that sometimes lying can protect the people one cares about:

Which as a point of interest I would like to compare and contrast to something Lincoln says in an earlier episode:

"lies can protect" vs "protecting is also trusting"- anyways moving on,

From there Grant's plan to steal the sun eventually comes to light (heh) and gets foiled, forcing the teens to be the mature ones in the situation and try to negotiate something with Erin. While he is certainly disappointed by everything going on, however, Lincoln's priorities vis-à-vis Grant are still, first and foremost, to ensure that he is safe, and when time allows for it get an apology from him and get him to talk openly about everything he has withheld. At this point in time Lincoln, while obviously angry at his dad, still very clearly cares about his dad and just wants to be able to talk with him without all the lies or deflection or excuses.

Then the teens are backed into a corner when their attempts at negotiation go sour, and ultimately wind up helping Grant steal the sun. Once that is over, Lincoln tries to confront his dad again, now with regards to some of the things he said about himself:

(Do note that last bit especially as it will be of relevance in the next section)

Then after Grant ignores the other teens when they try to talk to him, Lincoln calls him out and once again asks him to apologize, in part for having told Lincoln previously that they were dangerous and that he was not to hang out with them:

(as you might have guessed, Grant does not apologize).

Then it is established that the "zone of truth" in the Li-Wilson household isn't actually a spell but an agreed upon promise between Marco, Grant, and Lincoln to tell only the truth when someone calls upon the zone of truth, further cementing the degree to which honesty is an important Li-Wilson family value. Whilst in the zone of truth, however, Grant beats around the bush with regards to his intentions, and the teens ultimately decide that they do not want him to come along with them to the church of the doodler, as he is untrustworthy, in addition to Lincoln saying that he needs some space for his own sake. Grant then pretends to respect this decision, though he is in fact once again lying through his teeth, and sneaks back on later.

Before exiting the bus for the first time, however, Lincoln tries to get his dad to open up a bit about his feelings. Grant's response?

Time after time after time, Grant refuses to confront himself and address anything from what occurred at the incursion, and in fact adds on to everything with a whole new slew of lies, and with each failed attempt at connection the rift between Lincoln and Grant increases. And Lincoln, true to his values and how he was raised, is not a hypocrite in wanting openness and accountability from his dad. Lincoln is not and has never acted like he is perfect and beyond making mistakes, but Lincoln takes responsibility for his actions, even when the degree to which he is actually complicit in the crime at hand is questionable. He writes a letter to the families of the firemen because he feels responsible for their deaths. He apologizes to Taylor for lying to him about the bracelets and helps not only Taylor but also Nicky escape the clutches of the FBI, even though the consequence of doing so could easily have been his own death. When he thinks he may have inadvertently lead Hero on, his immediate decision is to take accountability for it and clear things up. All of this in addition to consistently apologizing to his friends when he thinks he may have hurt them for one reason or another.

This is also an important thing to consider when we talk about the place of violence in the show. Yes all the characters, including Lincoln himself, have had to kill at some point or another for the sake of survival and protecting the ones they love. But Lincoln does not use the blood on his hands to justify violence in future decisions. Despite the fact that he has had to kill before, Lincoln, as mentioned in the beginning of this essay, continues to try incredibly hard to act as pacifist whenever he can, choosing to protect those around him with as little collateral damage as possible. Does he have a perfect track record? No! Does he still try his damned hardest to choose kindness and mercy? Absolutely! And this is an important distinction especially between Lincoln and Grant.

And then Grant kills Terry. Now Lincoln must shift his priorities towards protecting his friends from his dad, but in running after Scary still finds himself forced to confront him. So what does Grant have to say regarding his actions?

Both Lincoln and Scary are right to be furious with this response, Terry Jr. is dead and all Grant can offer in response is what is essentially another excuse. Grant's mental state does not absolve him of responsibility or accountability for his actions, which as Lincoln points out (and repeats later) consist not only of the singular choice of shooting Terry, but of every choice he has made before and after that. "I'm sorry your dad is broken" obviously doesn't bring Terry Jr. back, but perhaps more importantly demonstrates that Grant is still not willing to reflect on his actions any further than that and work on himself moving forward.

So Lincoln does what is perhaps the most difficult thing he has done in his life, and disowns his father. This is not a rash, impulsive decision. As established, Lincoln has given Grant many chances throughout the season to address his behavior and at least fucking *talk* with Lincoln about his mental state, but he refused. He refused, not because he means harm, but because Grant truly believes himself to be fundamentally broken and irreparable, and doesn’t see the effect that his own suffering is having on his son. This, in addition to continuously failing to take Lincoln seriously and treat him as more than a little kid, both in failing to listen to Lincoln's voices of concern as well as in disregarding any of his proposals to go about things differently (whether that means avoiding violence, trusting rather than lying, or both).

So when Lincoln says:

"It's not about what you just did now, Dad. It's all your choices. You chose me. There wasn't some passion, or, or just a kid. You chose me as your kid, knowing you were broken. You can't take that back. And… I love you, and I hate that you made me love you, when… you are who you are and you knew it."

This isn't Lincoln saying that Grant should not have had a kid because he is mentally unwell or has trauma, it is Lincoln saying that Grant continues to make choices without acknowledging his agency in those choices and the effect they have on those around him, instead choosing to pin his mistakes on his perceived brokenness without any resolution to do something about that.

And before you say, "but Grant didn't have a choice in becoming Lincoln's parent since he saved him from the Titanic":

This simply isn't true, as strictly speaking there was nothing stopping Grant and Marco from putting Lincoln up for adoption if one or both of them did not feel themselves to be ready or capable of taking care of a child and

Ignoring Lincoln's exact phrasing, "choosing to be a parent" is not just about the literal choice to have a child, it's about every choice you make before and after that. It's choosing not to express your concerns over parenthood with your spouse, which based on Grant's track record:

-Is definitely in-character for him. Conversely, in Marco's case, it may be choosing not to ask your partner about their feelings on the matter (because, really, asking Grant on the spot while literally on a sinking ship if he's okay with adopting the baby they just found is kinda rough). It's choosing not to go to therapy (not that we know whether Grant specifically did/does or not but all the same). It's choosing not to apologize when your child is upset with you because of something you did. It's choosing not to take them or their friends seriously. It's choosing to lie instead of trust. It's an endless amount of choices that Grant (and Marco) made every step of the way!

As a final note for this section, what's particularly unfortunate is that even with Lincoln's disownment, Grant still has failed to show any major signs of change. Note this telling exchange (from episode 40):

Grant: I-I understand that. I just thought. Just something that just occurred to me. Hey Dood.

Dood: Yeah?

Grant: Why did you kill those two guys?

Dood: Because I love you so much and I wanted to protect you.

Grant: Okay. That's all I wanted to know.

In which Grant is still making excuses rather than owning up to or apologizing for anything or striving to change his behavior in the future. What's great about Grant's "point" here too is that the two guards that d00d killed were absolutely unnecessary deaths, so this example does anything but work in Grant's favor.

Part 2/4: "My mother hates her body, we share the same outline"

But this is only part of the problem. As aforementioned, we learn early on and see repeated on multiple occasions that Grant thinks ill of himself to the point of believing that he deserves death, and does not want Lincoln to be anything like him.

This affects Lincoln in two major ways. Perhaps most obviously, it leaves Lincoln greatly concerned for his dad's wellbeing, which in turn acts as his main motivation for trying (and failing) to get Grant to explore and explain those feelings. Additionally, however, Grant's self-loathing also has a passive but deeply damaging effect on Lincoln's self-worth. The most important indication of this is when Lincoln says:

"Okay. Look, Scary, I just... You know what? I don't even care. I just needed a friend and I don't know… I don’t know what you're going through, but… no, my dad always said you can't love somebody unless you love yourself, right? Well, last time I asked him if he loved himself, he… He doesn't. So… I don't know, so maybe he doesn't love me either. And you seem to know what that's like, and, you're my friend! You're dealing with these things and I'm just here. I just, I don't know! I don't love myself either! I don't know! But I know that more people will die if we can't do this together, and you're the only person, like, in this group— I mean you guys are, I mean— [sighs] Look, you can go. I'm not going to stop you. You go if you want to go. I'm done."

Also classic Lincoln move to say he doesn't care then proceed to hug Scary through an Eldritch Blast. In this essay, on why people misuse the word "apathy" in applying it to Lincoln,

Though the issue comes up again in a less obvious but very interesting way when Lincoln says that:

Which I assume probably seems pretty out of left field. To explain a bit what I'm trying to get at here, consider the following scenario:

Your parent, who you care about immensely, possesses certain qualities (say, idk, intrusive thoughts or mood swings or delusional thoughts or *something*) that they possess great shame over, and truly, wholeheartedly believe makes them "evil" or unlovable or even outright deserving of death. Of course, you do not believe that your parent is any of these things, it hurts to see that they feel this way about them-self, so you try your best to support them, even if you know deep down that you are their child and this should not be your responsibility. Your parent does not see the effect that their mental state is having on yours, does not take your voices of concern seriously, and mostly leaves you feeling like you are talking to a wall.

This hurts already, but it gets worse. You are your parent's child, and you are human, and so you inevitably find yourself with some of the characteristics that your parent loathes so much in them-self. Maybe you have similar thought patterns. Maybe you've made similar mistakes. Your parent doesn't love them-self because of these qualities that you now see in yourself, so how can you be sure that they do not hate you for them too? Do they believe that you deserve to die for these things as well? Your parent obviously assures you to the contrary, after all, they love you more than anything. But your parent fails to offer any meaningful line of distinction between their flaws and yours (after all, there isn't one, not really), and continues to assert that, unlike you, they really do deserve to die. Your parent is a hypocrite, and their reassurance does little to convince you.

Hopefully that makes some sense. With regards to the "dreams about killing my dads" part, mostly what I'm trying to say is that these dreams, while certainly very different from Grant's conscious thoughts about violence, still tread the line of mimicking them to some degree, and Grant's "I deserve to die because of how my brain works, don't be anything like me because that's bad!" really doesn't leave Lincoln with a healthy way to process and interpret this fact about himself, even if these dreams don't actually say anything about who he is as a person.

Anyways all that to say, on multiple levels Grant's unwillingness to even try to love himself and treat himself better has been having effects on his son that he can't even begin to realize, in addition to everything discussed in the first bit.

"But baba," I hear you say, "what about Marco? Why has Lincoln seemingly disowned both of his dads?"

Part 3/4: Three is the loneliest number

Well, I think there's a couple things going on here. For one thing, I think in a sense Lincoln sees his dads as kind of a "package deal", which is to say that from his pov disowning Grant means Marco would have to pick a side, and though it pains him immensely (as we see evidence of on several occasions), Lincoln would ultimately rather give up Marco than have Grant be left alone without either of them, because he will always love and care about Grant, and because he's selfless that way.

Additionally, for a good long while, Lincoln doesn't actually appear to harbor any resentment towards Marco:

However, this later part of the season has brought with it a new wave of disillusionment, and in its wake Lincoln has finally come to question the last major issue characterizing his relationship with his parents: social isolation.

We have known from basically the first episode of the season that Lincoln has lived a very isolated, lonely life, and that the only reason he's even going to public high school now is because he finally convinced Grant to let him:

As a side note, I have seen discussion of the fact that since Lincoln was rescued from the Titanic, it's possible that he was homeschooled solely because he did not legally exist. The above statement from Matt seems to work against this theory, in addition to the fact that if Lincoln was missing legal papers to get into elementary school... That would also prevent him from going to high school. Also, I mean. If you actually were to find an abandoned baby there's a whole legal process you're supposed to go through, and since Lincoln surely wouldn't have any close blood relatives around, that would still leave the possibility for Grant and Marco to adopt him legally if they wanted to (and if they chose not to go through said process, that's kind of on them?). Which isn't to say that this theory is out of the question, but in any case being homeschooled is one thing, whereas the actual degree of social isolation Lincoln goes through growing up is way more than just that, as we will delve into.

Now, we know that Grant eventually puts an end to Lincoln and Normal seeing each other on the basis that Lark and Sparrow are dangerous, which... Itself is actually fair tbh, in particular given what we now know about Hero. Not fair to Lincoln or Normal, obviously, but understandable. Much less acceptable, is the fact that Lincoln actually grows up without any friends his age whatsoever:

We understand of course that the motives behind this extreme social isolation are not malicious or otherwise done with ill-intent, but that doesn't make this even remotely okay! Of course then Lincoln is very clingy and perhaps even territorial over his dads, to the point where one of his biggest fears is his parents having another child who would take some of their attention away from him- they've created an environment in which they are basically all he has!

As a direct result of this, Lincoln gets lonely very easily, and when he finally does make some friends of his own, he will do anything and everything for them, even if it means risking his own life (at least then he isn't alive and lonely!)

This is also why Lincoln is so especially distraught after the loss of Mr. Kicks, a digital avatar whom he considered his best (and only) friend.

Additionally, Lincoln's fear of returning to his lonesome childhood creates an unfortunate scenario in which he cannot be honest with his dads about the fact that he is being bullied at school

Even though that is definitely the case (and in fact we see it first-hand on many occasions), because to do so would run the risk of his dads taking him out of public school, and that, to him, is worse.

Lincoln beginning to view this aspect of his childhood (the isolation but also the over-protectiveness and overbearing attitude more generally) for what it is is why Matt's intros have recently shifted from "schooled at home" to "schooled in prison", in addition to pretty directly saying that high school was like heaven compared to his home life (in episode 40), and I don't think Lincoln is even remotely in the wrong for looking back at his isolation and thinking "hey, even if you had good intentions, that was kind of fucked up actually, and I need to distance myself from you for my own sake."

Not that Lincoln wanting freedom from his overbearing dads is a new thing! I mean apart from what one can logically infer from Lincoln convincing Grant to let him go to public school, Matt does drop a bunch of telling details here and there such as Lincoln's favorite sound being "the silence of being home alone and free". It's just that now is when these feelings are finally starting to come to the surface.

It is also something that Lincoln naturally would hold against both Grant and Marco, because they are both aware of and responsible for this aspect of his upbringing (whether Marco acted actively or as an enabler in the matter notwithstanding- though I would look no further than both Grant and Marco getting red cards the one time they tried letting Lincoln play soccer with other kids to observe how that family dynamic plays out), hence feeling the need to cut himself off from the both of them in order to set a long-overdue boundary. That said, to be honest with you, I really don't think he's actually all that upset with Marco, and would mostly just like to see him again.

If the events of the Titanic help to ease any aspect of Lincoln's frustration, it would be this one. Not in the sense that it magically makes what Lincoln went through growing up okay, but it does still recontextualize Grant and Marco's degree of overbearingness and (part of) why they are how they are, and I absolutely think that Lincoln would have sympathy for that.

So, where does that leave us?

Part 4/4: What remains (+ the case study of Scary)

"But baba," you say, "Grant and Marco are not just their mistakes! They've both done so many things right as parents, and they love Lincoln more than anything!"

I turn to you, tears in my eyes. "I know," I say, "I know, but that does not contradict or erase the fact that they have inadvertently hurt Lincoln in many, many ways, and he has a right to be upset with them, and express that, and set boundaries if he feels the need to."

You sigh. "So do you think Grant is a good dad or a bad one?" you ask.

I shake my head. "He's just... He's just a dad. A dad who's had a rough swing of things from the beginning. He never meant to hurt Lincoln, and I truly believe he's got a good heart, but I want to see him try harder. I need to see him try harder than he currently is to better himself, for Lincoln's sake as much as his own."

Is... More or less how I feel. I absolutely agree that as a parent Grant obviously gives a shit, and my intention here is absolutely not to say "hey actually, Grant is awful!"

As I mentioned at the very beginning of this essay, however, collectively I have found over the course of the season that Lincoln's trauma and struggles have gone severely understated and undermined, sometimes to the point of even turning him into the bad guy or depicting him as acting dramatic for a decision that I think was very brave of him, actually. So... It does feel necessary to me to point out that, as much as I care about Grant and recognize that he's suffered immensely too, he's still made a lot of mistakes over the course of the season, and still has a lot of room to grow as a person.

As things currently are, I would not blame Lincoln if he did not forgive Grant by the end of the season. Do I think that's what's gonna happen? No lol.

If you'll excuse a mini side-tangent, because for now I don't really want to make this a separate post, the mid-season evolution of Lincoln and Scary's relationship is actually a great case study for Lincoln's capacity for forgiveness, in addition to his inability to give up on people:

Tony Pepperoni's murder is, I would argue, an attack against Lincoln most personally (relative to the other teens). Aside from Lincoln having the strongest pacifistic tendencies of the group, it's in his home, it's in front of Marco, as established in the 3rd section Tony Pepperoni, by virtue of having been over for dinners at the Li-Wilson household before, is someone Lincoln knows more personally than the other teens and one of the only people in his life he could have possibly approximated to a friend. Most importantly though, Scary goes behind Lincoln's back in letting Willy out and disclosing the location of the party, and that is a significant breach of trust.

So Lincoln kicks Scary out of the house (and more or less out of the group by extension) because protecting the others from her is the most important thing at that point in time (sound familiar?). For the next bit, Lincoln's behavior towards Scary becomes a juggling act of keeping a close eye on her to make sure she doesn't cause more harm (and yes, it's also when they are meanest with each other), but also keeping a close eye on her to look after her (a notable example of this being that he doesn't leave her behind in the hall of mirrors, even when it would have been easier and perhaps even "beneficial" to do so in the context of the anchor quest).

And yet despite all the mutual hostility, Lincoln without question also fights the hardest to get Scary back. He breaks the pick as a sign of trust (and as Freddie put it: "that's love babeeey") and to show her she's welcome back in the group, follows through on this decision despite the fact that it creates a temporary rift between him and the others (Normal and Taylor) who oppose her return (perhaps a good time to also say as a reminder that Lincoln was the most against letting Willy out in the first place), breaks a door down to protect her from Willy even when everyone else in the house treats him as crazy for doing so, refuses to fight Scary when she goes on the offense, and hugs her through a god damn eldritch blast because he can't let her leave and hurt more people but still cares about her to the point that he would literally choose to die before hurting her or giving up on fighting for her. Like, if that's not love and forgiveness, I don't fucking know what is. This in addition to him encouraging the others to go easy on her and otherwise looking out for her past that point.

So do I think Lincoln Li-Wilson has it in him to forgive Grant in spite of it all? That is a resounding yes from me. Will the events of the Titanic facilitate this if only by painting Grant's situation in a more sympathetic light and showcasing some of his virtues? Totally, I mean, there's a reason Anthony decided to make the arc go this way. But will I be a bit disappointed if this forgiveness comes without any major growth on Grant's part? Also. Also yes yeah.

MM. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO END THIS ONE TBH. Heh. Well, thank you for one thing, for taking the time to read a post this long. If you're reading this not too long after I posted it I am most definitely pacing around rn going "oh god they hate it!" but uh. Well that's a me problem lol. Anyways, I hope this proves to be at least somewhat insightful? ...Yeah no apart from that I really am struggling to end this properly and honestly I'm real sleepy lol so I'll just say again (whether you agree with the points listed here or not) THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT Y'ALL AND TAKE CARE.

#dndads #lincoln li wilson #grant wilson #Nervous about this one! Well I always am with these but people can be a bit touchy when it comes to Grant especially so there's that. #dungeons and daddies #but what can you do ig! #marco li #long post #baba babbles #<- tag I still don't use usually smh #second section especially I think is where I'm really like- man I *hope* I'm expressing myself alright and people get what I'm laying down #scary marlowe #suuuuure yeah enough Scary here that I can tag her in I think

[prince-liest]

I know you’ve gotten asks already talking about how happy they are that you’re going more in depth on the subject of Vox being trans in your next installment, but I can’t help myself… I’m so excited that you’re writing about that. It can be difficult to find trans rep in fandom spaces sometimes and your stories are so well written that this is like a gift from god. SO ANYWAY I’m super happy and your works are amazing and I just hope you know how many people value your works for all that they give.

Secondly, I was wondering whether or not Vox would have been trans on earth or just in hell? I mean I’m sure it would be difficult considering the time period but I also couldn’t think of a reason why he would be cis on earth but trans in hell. UNLESS he realized he was trans in hell/was finally able to do something about it?? Anyway, all of this is just speculation, I am only curious!!

Regardless, great work. It genuinely means a lot to me, if no one else :)

Oh, man, I'm ngl, one of my little, "Wait! I can do anything I want!!!!" moments of going mad with power once I got more and more experience at writing was realizing that I could just trans anyone's gender at-will and I didn't need anyone's permission for that. I still remember the first time I quietly decided an OC of mine was trans (love you, Laledy, you obnoxious asshole). I'm always a little apprehensive to start writing trans characters in new fandoms, mostly because I've been in a number of fandoms that have corners that get very tetchy about their weird gender role stuff, but it's consistently been met with such a positive reaction that it really brings me joy. So thank you so very, very much!!

My personal take on Vox in 666 specifically (a lot of which isn't going to come up because he does not want to get into it) is that he wasn't personally really in a position or environment conducive to considering trans-ness as, like, a thing that happens when he was alive, and he put his all into putting on The Correct Gender Performance with the vim and aplomb that we see from him in canon, plus all the underlying bullshit that goes into maintaining that facade. So, y'know. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, minus the Jewish. Which did not do amazing things for his mental health, not that he let himself pay attention to that at the time!

And then he wakes up, in hell, with this weird-ass demon body with a television for a head, and - well, it just makes sense to present as a man at that point, doesn't it? Hell is dog-eat-dog, and he's not going to pick the submissive gender to put himself on the back foot from the start!

He figures out what the fuck being trans even is eventually, just. Not for a while, and not until after someone like Valentino, having known and assumed that Vox is trans as a given for fucking months, mentions it offhandedly to Vox, who had been mentally describing himself as "just lying about his sex like those girls in stories that get shit done by dressing up as men". Then he gets to have his own little spiral about it, and also why it's upsetting him, and why he felt so vulnerable about Valentino knowing, and why Valentino specifically, Mr. Fishnets, Heels, and Microminis, is the one that ended up in a position not only to know this about Vox but for Vox to feel comfortable having any kind of sex with. It wasn't something Vox had to analyze back when it was just "her" freaky boyfriend being into pegging!

Okay, fuck, I have even more feelings about trans Vox than I thought I did, hahahaha.

Might fuck around and write a staticmoth-centric prequel interlude at some point if I have the brain cells for it. Vox is a lot more confident and comfortable with his gender now, to the point where he can absolutely see fucking around in a dress for kinky reasons as crossdressing and not being forced back into a box that doesn't fit, but it'd be neat to explore the earlier days. Val isn't here for gender, he's here to be sexy, but Vox... this IS the origin of the daddy kink, just saying.

#ask #personal #Anonymous #666 live on air #hazbin hotel #vox #staticmoth #my writing #nsft #trans vox

[raethethey]

Exhaustion

Member: Bang Chan x gn!reader (if i made mistakes pls let me know)

Word Count: 5128

Genre: fluff, friends to lovers, slight angst

Warnings: swearing, breakdown, crying, mentions of overbearing parents, lack of sleep, talk of mental (and other) health, loss of appetite, mentions of food. (again if I missed smth pls let me know)

A/N: pls dear god i have not written anything in forever this was reread so many times but if there are mistakes, you didn't see them <3. no I am not out of my writers block but I challenged myself in the last few months to work on it just a lil at a time and I finally finished it. enjoy!! :)

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

You knock quietly on the door to the studio. No answer, but that’s expected. Chan is usually hard at work with the music turned up quite loud in his favorite pair of headphones. Not wanting to disturb his flow, you open the door and step inside. As if he has some sort of radar for you, Chan turns around. Upon seeing you, he smiles, the bright expression raising his eyebrows and cheeks, dimples deepening. You can’t help but return the smile. It doesn’t quite reach your eyes like it did his; he notices this almost immediately. You sit on the couch at the back of the room. Chan turns back around to his computer to pause and minimise the file he was working on before returning his attention to you.

“Hey, what’s up?” His voice is calm and exactly what you needed.

“Hey. Nothing really, just missed you.” You give him a teasing wink while lying through your teeth. He already worries too much as it is, telling him this would send him reeling.

He glances at the ground, a tell you’ve noticed when you know he wants to push the conversation, but he doesn’t want to push your boundaries.

He settles with, “Are you sure? Exams are coming up; I know you’re stressed about those, but you’ll do fine. You always do.”

“Heh, yeah finals are definitely gonna kick my ass, but really, I’m fine. Just need to relax is all.” You grin at him from across the room hoping the glimmer in your eyes is taken as exhaustion rather than trying to hold back tears.

He nods, swinging his chair back and forth a little with his feet planted on the floor, eyes never leaving yours. “Okay. Just wanted to make sure.”

He makes it really hard to not cry when he looks at you like that. There’s no judgment in his eyes as he starts to roll his chair toward the couch you’re sitting on. He stops when he’s right in front of you, hands reaching towards yours as they fidget in your lap ever restless. He starts massaging them, sandwiching them in his own as he forces your fists flat. He rubs them together and then separates them, taking a hand in each of his own palms up. He rubs his thumb in the center of each palm for a few seconds before moving to your thumbs’ bases and then the opposite side of the palms. Another few seconds and he drops one hand, using both of his own to pull your fingers one by one just gently enough to release pressure in your joints. Again with the other hand and then he grabs both again.

He sits there holding your hands and looking at you like nothing else in the world matters at the moment. His thumbs caress the back of your hands this time, not a massage, but just a constant feeling. A reassuring touch that has you sniffling.

In just moments he has you bundled in his arms as tears stream down your face. He pulls you onto his lap, shutting down any protests with soft hushes. He whispers encouraging words, random nothings, and that he’s always here for you as he runs his hand up and down your back, squeezing your arm occasionally. ‘It’s okay to cry.’ ‘Let it all out.’ ‘It’s just me and you in here.’ ‘You’re going to be okay.’

You don’t know how much time passes until you finally calm down, the hiccups subsiding and the shaking turning from tremors to shivers. His voice is barely a whisper you have to strain your ears to hear. The last tears soak into his sweatshirt like the rest of them. Your grip loosens as well, all strength leaving your body.

He rocks his chair back and forth again like he’s cradling a baby to sleep. The soothing motion almost gets you, but you sit up. He tightens his grip on you, scared you’ll fall from the abrupt movement. His eyes are wide as he looks at you.

“You good?” His voice is small like you’re a wild animal and he doesn’t want to scare you off by being too loud.

You clear your throat prepared for it to crack when you open your mouth, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you like this. I just needed somewhere to go to let it out, but I didn't know where else to go and I thought you were going to continue working, not look at me like I’m a frail baby bird who just fell out of a tree and I couldn’t stop the flood. I was just going to cry silently and look and pictures of squirrels and shit.”

The side of his mouth quirks down in silent disappointment. He says your name so softly, it almost has you bawling again, “I’m always worried about you. And I just get more worried when I don’t know what’s going on. You’re my best friend and I want to do what I can to help. Letting you cry on my shoulder, soaking up my sweatshirt, is one way. Listening to you rub snot into it is another, but for you, I’d bear it.”

You snort and wipe your nose with the back of your hand, now self-conscious about its running. The jab made you feel better, but only a little. Chan is good at that. Getting your mood to change like the snap of his fingers.

He holds on to your legs over his lap as he slides his chair backward rolling towards the desk. He plucks some tissues out of the tiny box next to his keyboard and hands you a few.

“Thanks,” you rasp out, “Sorry about your sweatshirt.”

“Hey, I’ve got like a million of them. No worries.” He watches as you blow your nose, a feat you think would have anyone else grossing out over. “Speaking of my sweatshirts, is that one mine?” He grabs the fabric of the sweatshirt you’re currently wearing near your stomach and rubs it between his fingers.

You look down upon the realization and sheepishly make eye contact, “No..?”

“Liar.” He tsks, no bite behind it.

A comfortable silence settles upon you as you finish cleaning your nose and wiping your face free of tears. He throws the tissues out when you’re done with them, shooting them like basketballs into a hoop that is the tin can on the other side of the room. He misses two.

“I’ll get them when we leave.” He wraps his arms around your waist, clasping his hands together, and leans his head on the back of his chair, “Takeout?”

“Yes please.”

“Chinese, tacos, burgers,-” He starts listing fast food options as he goes to grab his phone.

You interrupt already making up your mind, “Tacos.”

His mouth quirks up. “Tacos it is.” He orders quickly adding in an extra few tacos in case you’re hungrier than you thought. When the food is ordered he puts his phone face down on the desk again, “It’ll be here in 23 minutes. 27 if they don’t find the room number immediately.”

“Thank you, Channie.”

“Anytime, hun.” He pulls you in closer again, your head falling on his shoulder. Seconds tick by before you feel him take a breath and clear his throat. You can tell he needs to know what’s going on because if he doesn’t find out, it’ll bug him forever.

Before he can pose a question, you steel yourself and answer, “Nothing is going right anymore. My grades have been slipping for a few weeks, my parents are on my ass about it, work has been draining and a constant petri dish for stress, not to mention I’ve barely seen you these past few weeks because we’ve both been busy. I’m falling apart at the seams and it seems like no one is noticing. Not that I’ve been readily telling everyone the truth when they ask how I’m doing, but I just want someone to realise how badly I’m lying. Every time I say I’m tired, I’m exhausted; running on three hours of sleep. Every time I say I just need a vacation day, I really need an entire year off to recuperate. I’m sick of this constant barrage on my mental health, my physical health, even my emotional health. And the cherry on top? My only love interest said he still had feelings for his ex, so he broke off our weird talking stage thing, whatever it was we had, to try again with them. The universe hates me, Channie.” You play with your hoodie strings as you rattle off your list of problems.

You let him ponder your words. “That’s a lot. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy as well, but even so, I always have time for you, you know that right? I don’t care if I have a project due at midnight, I’d drop it to make you feel better. I know you said you don’t want to worry me, but like I said, I always worry anyways. As for your grades, you’ll get them up, I believe in you. Your parents, as lovely as they are in front of guests can be assholes behind the scenes. Just ignore the messages that make you feel bad. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean they deserve your attention or success, You deserve better than a magnifying glass on your back. And screw whoever that guy is, he wasn’t good enough for you anyways.”

“Chan, he’s not a bad guy. It was just-”

“Nope. I don’t care. Guy can go step on a rake.”

You shake your head at his childish antics. “Okay fine, maybe I’d like to see that, but that doesn’t mean he deserves it. He really is a good guy. In fact, I think you know him. Who am I kidding, you know everyone? You know Jaehyun? Business major, great hair, dimples? He’s friends with that Taeyong guy that’s in the same dance class as Minho.”

“Oh. Yeah, I do know him. I didn’t know you were talking to him?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I was. He was cute, but he’s really set on becoming this big CEO at a really young age. Like, before he actually graduates somehow. He’s not really a fun person to talk to unless he’s tipsy. And I’d rather not live my entire life talking to someone I’d only like when drunk because that’s a problem in itself.”

Chan hums in agreement. Something akin to an awkward silence fills the room. It’s an odd experience you’ve never felt around Chan until now. In all your years of friendship, never once has it been uncomfortable. The silence doesn’t last long as a knock brings you both back to the present.

“Food’s here.” He rolls to the door, you still sitting securely on his lap.

Upon opening the door, a surprised noise escapes all three parties. Taeyong stands there with the taco bags in hand. The initial shock wears off as he realises he’s here to do his job and not gawk at what is quite a surprising scene to him. He hands Chan the bags who sets them on his lap which is actually your lap because you’re still sitting there from your breakdown. Chan, only aware of the fact that one of the subjects you were just talking about is now standing at his studio door, is completely oblivious to the compromising position you’ve been put in.

You and Taeyong share a knowing, but awkward look while Chan greets him, “Hey, Lee Taeyong right?”

“Yep. That’s me. You're Bang Chan. I know ‘cuz Minho complains about you a lot after class.” He turns to look at you, “Hey, y/n.”

“Hey.”

A beat passes as Taeyong stands in the doorway. “Listen, I know it’s kinda awkward about what went down with Jae and you, but I wanted to let you know, that I still think you’re pretty cool and if we could be friends, that’d be cool too. And I’m also happy for you.”

“Happy for me? For having a guy break it off because he’s still in love with his ex?”

“Well not that part, but you bounced back pretty well. You and Chan look cute together by the way. We’ve all been wondering when that was gonna happen and I guess it took Jae to make it happen, huh? Anyways, gotta go! Bye!” Before either of you could respond to that, he bounds off to make his next delivery.

Chan gently shuts the door as Taeyong’s words flow through your minds, the vibrations and image seeming to sear themselves in your brains.

He rolls back to the desk inch by inch, but before he gets there, you spring up, taco bags in hand. It snaps him out of shock and he puts his hands out to either side of you in case he needs to stabilise you or catch the food.

“He thinks we’re dating,” Is all you say. No other way to segue into the conversation but that. “Why does he think we’re dating? I mean I know I was sitting on your lap, but he said, ‘we’ve all been wondering when that was gonna happen.’” You place the bags on the small coffee table and start pacing, “What does that mean? Does everyone think we’re dating? Does it look like we’re dating? Is that the real reason Jae broke it off? What if there is no ex? I’ve never actually seen him around with anyone, what if it was just a lie because he thought we had something going on? What if every time I’ve ever had a love interest they backed off because of you.” You point a wagging finger at him. “Every crush in high school, even middle school! What if they’ve always thought we were together.” You throw your hands up, “Chan, say something!” Unknowing of the turmoil you’re putting him through, Chan just shrugs. Unable to answer any of your questions.

He may have very well been at fault for all those potential partners backing off. It’s not like he said anything to them, but maybe he was just a bit obvious with the way he acts around you. Maybe not you because this information seems to be new to you. He thought you knew people suspected you were together. From an outsider’s view (and he’s had many tell him their point of view. See: Changbin, Jisung, Minho, etc.), it’s difficult to know the truth based on what they see.

You’re always joined at the hip, his arm around your waist or shoulder, your arms around his neck in a tight embrace, holding hands when it’s cold. It’s hard to differentiate flirting with teasing from a decade-old friendship. And not to mention he is in love with you.

“I thought you knew.” Is all he says.

You stop pacing back and forth and look at him, “What? You thought I knew what? That people seriously think we’re together? Chan, we’re just best friends.”

He flinches. He knows you didn’t mean to say it as a rejection, but it still hurts hearing it. He hates saying it himself.

“Baby, is it really that big of a deal? We’re close. It happens.” The nickname slips out.

“THAT! See that’s why people think we’re dating. Because we act like it! We hold hands, you kiss my cheek, you call me baby and hun and sweetie.” You tick each reason off on your fingers. “No one believes me when I say we aren’t. I have to tell everyone! I can’t have my future partners thinking I’m dating my best friend. I’ll get nowhere with them and then they’ll think I’m trying to cheat on you with them.”

“I’m sorry. Do you want space? So people don’t see us together. If they don’t believe we were never together, we’ll have to act like we broke up.” He can’t believe what he’s saying.

“No, I want you to be next to me when I tell people so you can back me up. This rumor has probably spilled into the next city over. I’ll tell Bin and Sung to spread it as well. If anyone asks them, I’ll have them say, ‘No they aren’t dating. Never have been. If you don’t believe me, I have orders to call them and confirm.’ Does that sound good? We can nip it in the bud faster if we cover more ground.”

He tries not to sound like a kicked puppy when he says, “Yeah, sure okay.” He turns his chair around to grab napkins and plastic plates from under his desk. He stashed them there because of all the late nights he and the rest of 3Racha have had there. He rolls to the coffee table and starts pulling the food out of the bag as you plop on the couch to begin eating.

When you’re close to finishing up, Chan wipes his face and hands with his napkin.

“Done already? You usually eat a lot more than that.” He only had three tacos, same as you.

“Yeah, don’t really have an appetite right now.” He spins his chair around and boots up his computer, “I’m gonna work a little more on my project, feel free to stay if you want. Or leave, it’s kinda late already.”

You stare at the back of his head. Ever since Taeyong left, he’s been really quiet. You ate in total silence. Usually, it’s more filled with laughter and short stories about stupid things your friends did. You glance at the clock, it’s only 9:00 pm. The studio closes at 10:00.

Maybe you overreacted about the dating news. Maybe it really isn’t that big of a deal. You like your dynamic with Chan. It’s calm, comfortable. You don’t think you could live without him by your side. The small pecks he leaves on the top of your head ground you sometimes, and he’s always a human heater in the cold, you don’t want to have to give up holding his hands. The nicknames do funky things to your brain, but you like them. It means he’s comfortable around you too. And even if you’re not dating, you know you both care so much about the other. Over ten years of friendship will do that to people.

You can see why your classmates and random people on the street would think you were in love. You also haven’t been able to prove it, but you swear you’ve caught him staring at you with a certain look countless times. You’ve tried to get your friends to see for you, but they say he’s looking at you like he always does, there’s nothing odd about it.

Still, going around making sure everyone knows you aren’t dating is the best option in your mind. It’ll help you set reality apart from your deepest desires.

You’ve been in love with Chan for as long as you can remember. Years of pining after him have created a sore spot in your heart. To hear that people think this about you when it’s all you’ve ever wanted, knowing it’ll never come true is like tearing the scab off just to have it bleed more.

You start packing up the food you didn’t eat and throw away the garbage in silence. Awkwardness once again festering in the air. When you’re done cleaning up you lay on the couch taking out your phone. You don’t know when you fell asleep but when you wake up, there’s a blanket on top of you, one from the stash he keeps under the couch. Even if he’s busy he finds some way to take care of you. Some way to make your heart flutter. It aches.

You pull the blanket up to your chin, rolling to the side. You can see the silhouette of his head over his chair, the lights turned off in the studio save for the bright computer screen. His headphones fit snuggly over his ears, blocking out any sounds.

You think about what happened tonight. Your breakdown, him holding you, seeing your not-quite-ex’s friend, your outburst. And his reaction. You recall his flinch when you said you were just friends. He flinched for god’s sake. And he looked completely torn in two for the next half hour before going back to his project.

So you definitely overreacted. In trying so hard to draw the line between what you have and what you want, you created a barrier between you and the person you care about the most. You stated what you thought should happen to keep the line to protect yourself not taking in Chan’s opinion or anything. This rumor involves you both, the decision on what to do about it probably should too.

Standing up, you pull the blanket around your shoulders like a cape and walk to stand behind him just to watch him work. His fingers slide over the keyboard with practiced ease, his right hand flitting between it and the mouse. You see the time in the bottom right-hand corner: 9:38pm. When you bend to place your hands on your knees, you hear his breath catch next to you. You glance at his face, catching his eyes on you. You hold the eye contact.

“Are you okay?” It’s a whisper. One you know he can’t hear. His eyes jump to your lips and you repeat yourself, “Are you okay?”

He takes a breath, nods, and turns right back to his project.

You huff, bringing your bottom lip between your teeth. So much for a plan, right? You turn to go back to the couch, but an arm stops you. You look down at the hand resting on your elbow and then at Chan. His gaze is directed at his knees. You turn to him waiting, his hand falling to your hip.

He licks his lips, you see his adam’s apple bob, his jaw clench. His hand that isn’t stopping you from leaving rubs his face for a second before resting on his chin, knuckles on his lower lip.

“Channie?” You can tell he heard you even with his headphones on when he squeezes your side. He slips his headphones off and rolls a little bit away from the desk still gripping your side like a lifeline.

“I’m sorry.” He starts.

“No, Channie, you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s all me. I think I overreacted over Taeyong’s words and that hurt you. I wasn’t thinking about your point of view. I mean truthfully I wasn’t even thinking about my own point of view. I just…” You sigh. 

The next few words you say, you’ll have to think carefully. If you confess to your true feelings it may scare him off or worse, disgust him. But this is Chan you’re talking to. Your best friend in the whole world, the most precious person on earth to you. There’s no way he’d hate you, right? Maybe let you down slowly, but he wouldn’t ask you to never speak to or see him again. He couldn’t possibly be that cruel.

He takes your hands in his. You had started wringing them and twisting your fingers in what looks like uncomfortable angles. “Just what?” He asks. His eyes are on you now, completely focused on you and what you’re trying to get yourself to say. They’re soft and open. He’s quietly telling you it’s okay to be vulnerable around him. He’ll always be here for you and there’s nothing to be scared about.

That’s all you needed. “I just don’t know how to go about pretending not to know that everyone we know thinks we’re dating when we’re not and it’s all I’ve ever wanted for a while now.” Your eyes start to wander around the room. If you look at him now, you’ll never be able to finish. “I mean I don’t know when I started to see you differently, it may have been forever, but we’ve always been best friends. 

“I didn’t think the way I loved you was anything other than that until I started talking to Jaehyun. And after we stopped I just had some time to really think about what I wanted and… Channie I want you. But I know I can’t have you because we are just best friends and you’ll never see me that way. Not in a million years and that just tore my heart. 

“So I guess I was trying to separate reality from fantasy when I started spewing on about how we have to make sure everyone knows we aren’t together because if anyone can think there’s something between us, it’s gonna be me. And I should’ve taken your opinion into count when I started planning on how to tell people. I was just scared. I’m really, so sorry, Channie. Please forgive me.”

After your monologue, you finally look at him. There’s shock, amusement, maybe even some sadness, and something else you can’t quite place on his face. The mixed emotions are jumbled together as he just stares at you. He opens his mouth to form words, but closes it again. You left him utterly speechless. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, you don’t know. You won’t know unless he says something. Anything.

“Channie?” You start to worry your lip. It’s already raw, showing how much stress you’ve been under for quite some time. The fact that you just confessed to your best friend is only adding to the situation.

Before you can think to run away or try changing the subject, his lip twitches. And then a smile grows, larger, wider until you feel his face might split from the intensity of his grin. He still can’t form words, but he tugs on your arm just a bit, pulling you down onto his familiar lap.

Your faces are close, close enough to see the slight blush bloom across his soft features worn my exhaustion. Finally, he speaks, “I cannot explain how utterly happy I am to hear you say any of that. I may have also overreacted to your reaction and for that, I still apologise, but knowing what I know now I think my reaction was completely normal for having someone you love tell you so vehemently that you’re just best friends. To hear that and think that’s all you’ll ever be when you’ve wanted more for so long. To think that there wasn’t even a possibility of more.

But there is. We were both just terrified.”

Now it’s your turn to be gobsmacked. Your jaw hits the floor and he starts giggling. Whether it’s because you look hilariously cute shell-shocked, or because he’s filled with euphoria he doesn’t know.

“Someone you what?” Your eyes flit back and forth searching for an answer in his shining eyes.

It’s written so clearly you’re surprised you hadn’t seen it before. “Love. Someone I love, y/n.”

“How long?”

“Years. Possibly since I met you.”

“Channie we were children. Diapers and binkies while our moms had tea and talked shit about our neighbors.”

He smirks, “Then, yeah, definitely since we met. But I only realised it a few years ago; in highschool. It was that super cliche teenage rom-com scene when you walked into prom looking like a fairytale and I thought I shit myself and then imploded.” He shoves his hands together imitating a can being crushed.

Your hands fly to your hair, carding through it. “Holy fuck. Holy cow. I can’t believe it. You let me date the worst people when I could’ve been dating you, you bastard!”

“Hey! Like we’ve established I was fucking terrified of losing my best friend, okay? And you were too! Also, all those people were solely your choice, I did nothing but try to befriend them for you.” He grabs your finger that jabbed at his chest and turns it back toward you.

“You should’ve punched them in the face and whisked me away.” Slipping the rest of your fingers into his grasp, you clasp his hand and squeeze.

He squeezes right back.

Cocking your head to the side, you sigh. “Now what? We’re here now. Both in the know, mutually agreeing.”

“Now? Now we tell Hannie he owes Binnie $20 because you confessed first.”

You furrow your brow, “They bet on us? Actually, you know what, that is entirely unsurprising. But no, I mean what’s next? What are we?”

He smiles that same smile you fell in love with all that time ago, dimples and all. “We’re Channie and y/n as we’ve always been. Best friends who love each other; who would go to the ends of the earth for one another. We cuddle, hold hands, call each other pet names, and now we go on dates. Kiss? More?” He blushes again, the tips of his ears redder than a tomato.

You take his flushed face into your hands feeling the heat roll off them. Whispering, you lean in closer, “I like the idea of that. But not right now. You’re exhausted and we need sleep. We should probably get out of here soon to make that happen.”

He pouts.

“Oh, stop that. If we’re quick enough we can probably catch the bus back to my place. Then we can kiss as much as you want.”

He exaggerates his pout even more looking like a kicked puppy.

You can’t help but fawn over him silently. Rolling your eyes playfully, you swoop in and peck him on the lips. It’s short, not even a second long, but it has him chasing for more when you pull away. You’re tempted to give him what he wants now, but it’s been a long day and you’d rather not have your first real kiss in a public recording room that smells like tacos and feet. You tell him as much when you stand up and start gathering your items to leave.

He acquiesces, saving his project and logging out. When you’re both ready to leave, he snatches up your hand and kisses the back of it as you walk out of the room.

The bus ride seems longer than usual or you’re just anxious to get back home. Chan has stayed over plenty of times, cuddling all throughout the night, but this time it’s different. Tomorrow promises new adventures with the man beside you and you can’t wait to start them.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Bonus:

“I promise it’s not just the exhaustion talking, but you look absolutely radiant right now.”

“Baby, I’m wearing elf-on-the-shelf pjs with a toy story t-shirt that I’ve had since I was 10.”

“As I said, radiant.”

“Love you too, Channie.”

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

#bang chan #bang chan fluff #stray kids #stray kids chan #stray kids fluff #skz bang chan #skz fluff #skz chan #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #stray kids bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #friends to lovers #best friends to lovers #<5k #Exhaustion

[gffa]

The thing I really miss about Star Wars novels is exemplified by being two-thirds of the way through Inquisitor: Rise of the Red Blade and how I think I'm legitimately enjoying it, but in a very specific way, and I think there's actually a ton you could dig into the structure and bias of the narrator that I think is done on purpose and that I can find sympathy for a character actively falling to the dark side and what she's going through without validating the people she's demonizing in her head because I've been there, I have had my brain lying to me all my life, telling me things I know aren't true, making me believe them despite all evidence otherwise, and do you guys KNOW how much I love hot messes of a disaster lady? I fucking love a woman who is just an awful mess and doesn't have to actually be perfect or nice and maybe just once or twice says a kind of catty thing, NO, SHE IS A WHOLE ASS MESS and I LOVE HER!! But also I'm kind of in the position of how I'm tired of getting stories of characters falling to the dark side being the vast majority of what stories explore with the Jedi, I enjoy them, but not when that's all there is, and I have spent YEARS AND YEARS going back and forth with the discussions about the Jedi and I am so tired of it, I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I just want to write my commentary and thoughts down in the vein that I have them and have that be it. I want to say, "This is a really glorious unreliable narrator here, because everything she says is contradicted by what the Jedi actually say/do, and she is explicitly a character designed with neurodivergent/mental health issues aspects in mind and you can't divorce that from her character." and like I don't even want to discuss with other Jedi fans about what the author may or may not have said (I read one interview from her at the beginning, enjoyed it fine, and AM NOT INTERESTED in knowing or hearing anything further) or how annoying it is to have a book like this, I JUST WANT TO DIG INTO A STORY and not have to worry about bracing myself for combat. (And also the thorny issue of how this isn't precisely a recommendation because I'm not sure others would enjoy it, like even if you agreed with me, I'm not sure it'd be something in your wheelhouse, but I don't want to even get into that, it feels exhausting, like, just I want to talk about how I'm enjoying it, but not have to articulate why I think others possibly wouldn't, just leave it at "nah, I don't think you'd enjoy it".) I know this is some IRL stuff spilling over onto my reading of this book and I'm aware of the state of a lot of creators in SW right now hold opinions that have made me stop reading their works because I am no longer interested in anything they have to contribute, but also like. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a book on my own terms and not have to feel like I'm arguing a case, but instead reveling in the glorious hot mess of a central female character that maybe I relate to and have sympathy for even while recognizing that she is painting a very unreliable portrait within the book, because I Have Been There. Idk, I'm not saying this very well, and a lot of it is outside factors, but I have this giant tangled ball of "I just want to enjoy something for once, not examine why it might actually be doing my Blorbos all wrong", like aren't we supposed to be in fandom for the enjoyment of things, not to constantly argue with people? /tired and hasn't been sleeping well and has been thinking about this instead of wrenching irl stuff

#lumi.txt #novels #star wars

[anemoiashifts]

the exploitation of mental health within the shifting community.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

im saying this with the intention to not send a wave of hate to anyone but a shitoker with 50,000 followers who confessed (on reddit) to to lying about it shifting for about 2 years & has bragged about making just under $2000 in sponsorships & then goes onto call ppl who shift mentally ill, schizophrenic & delusional. they’ve also they know how easy it is to lie bc ppl are “wanting an escape”. they’ve entertained the idea that “to save their asses” they should — if they do confess to lying — to make it out like she was doing it as a way to get tiktok followers, as if that isn’t preying upon ppls desperation to get out of toxic & harmful situations & wanting of a better life.

taking this for what it is, I want to talk about the exploitation of ppls mental health within the shifting community — mainly shiftok.

it’s not secret 85% or shiftok is mentally ill kids who want to escape this reality out of loneliness or destructive & toxic situations. i take such an issue with this because of this reason specifically (other then the speed of misinformation & drowning out actual ppl who are educated / want to shift). if someone believes shifters are really just “mentally ill 13 year olds” — her words not mine — why not…idk ? try to squeeze in content trying to encourage ppl getting better ? but , no. ppl who lie about shifting can’t do that bc they’re blinded by numbers & profit & not the well being of children who are struggling deeply. if shifting is real & made up & “grown ass ppl who believe in it too, sadly” —again, her words not mine — believe in shifting , why are you knowingly profiting from mental problems ?

this isn’t simply ppl “lying about shifting”. it’s other children & adults build a platform & make profit from the exploitation of peoples desperation for a better life. we need to start looking at it this way.

the only ppl who are worse then anti-shifters are the ppl who knowingly lie for years. they’re the sick ones, not us.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

sorry if this brought the vibes down a tad. ive been looking for an excuse to speak up on this for a while. id like to expand upon this conversation more as there’s so many thoughts i have about it in the future.

to calm your worries , yes shifting is real. no , im not lying about shifting. all we can do is wish the best for these kind of ppl & hope they’re able to stop chronically lying & learn that their actions do have consequences.

again , please do not try & find this person. im not trying to ruin someone’s life as they’re fifteen themselves.

#reality shifting #desired reality #shifting #shiftblr #shiftok #shifting motivation #shifting realities #shifter

[peonierose]

Losing Game (4/4)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela (M!MC) x Luna Auclair (F!OC)

Rating: Mature / Angst

TW: Mental Health

Word: 5,000+

Summary: Bryce and Luna have worked things out. But there is still one visit to make before Bryce and Luna find closure.

A/N: This has been a story that’s very dear to me. I went a bit off-canon so I hope you’ll give it a try. As always thank you to everyone who gives my stories and my characters a chance 🩷🌙

A/N 2: In case you missed the parts before here they are: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

A/N 3: Thank you to @annieruok94 🌷🩷 and @aallotarenunelma 🌺🩷 I hope you like the part with Adam, it was inspired by you 🥰

Side note: I also made a playlist for Part 4, (the previous two parts include a playlist as well).

The next day…

Bryce

I traded my shift with Aubrey so that I could have the day off.

I was watching Luna get dressed in a pink overall with a white shirt underneath, while I was lying in bed.

Luna turned towards me as she put her hair in a bun, a few blonde strands escaping her bun. She turned to me as I was basking in her light.

”I was thinking of visiting your dad today and I’d like to come with you if you want me to and if you feel ready for us to go together.“

I raised my eyebrows as I propped myself up against the pillow resting behind me.

”Are you sure? It’s not too much for you?“ I asked while I got out of bed.

She hugged me.

”Yes, I’m sure. Also, I love hugging you like this.“

”Any particular reason why?“ I grinned.

”This fine piece of ass. I like it.“

”Well this fine piece of ass made you feel real special last night. Also, I like this dirty side of you Lunes.“

I started to unbutton the straps of her overall but she stopped me.

”B we can’t. We’ll be late. The visiting hours aren’t that long.“

I sighed. She smiled and kissed me on my still-smiling lips.

”Really?“ I asked and tried to convince her for a quick round.

”Puppy dog eyes won’t work. Come on get dressed babe.“ She slapped my ass. I laughed out loud and got dressed.

And together we drove to prison to visit my dad.

Bryce

It’s weird to be here at the Halawa Correctional Facility, again.

The guards searched us, then gave us visitor passes and let us through. We sat at a dark grey table in the cafeteria, only one other guy was sitting down with his family from the looks of it.

I don’t think I’ve noticed anything that day. Not the color of the table or if anyone else was present. It might even be the same table I sat at the other day.

My dad walked in and they released the handcuffs and let him sit with us.

Both Lunes and I sat there as my dad walked over and sat down opposite us. He looked at me and smiled.

Then he turned to Luna and he offered his hand. Luna shook it and held onto it for a couple of seconds.

”You must be Mr. Lahela. I’ve heard so many things about you.“

I winced and tried to hide the fact that I hadn’t told Luna much. An acidic feeling rose inside of me. Recognizing it as guilt. For not telling her more about my messed up family life sooner.

But maybe I could change that and tell her everything later. I trust Luna, more than anyone. Maybe it’s time to lay all the cards on the table. Talking to Luna about my family might relieve some of the residual pain I’ve been carrying around for years.

”You must be Luna.“ My dad said and smiled at her. Luna nodded and I tuned back into the conversation.

”So Bryce has told you a lot of things about me? Like that pink is my favorite color?“ He joked but Luna didn’t know that my dad's favorite color is blue. Like mine. Well, blue-green is my favorite. I wonder why? I snicker.

”No way! I once told Bryce how good he’d look in pink scrubs. Like a deep magenta or a mauve tone. He’d be a stunner.“

My dad grinned at Luna’s enthusiasm. I haven’t seen him smile like that in a long time. Looks as if Luna can win anyone over.

”Or cherry red like that hickey.“ My dad pointed to me. I blushed down to my hair roots. Luna held out her hand for a high five and my dad smacked it.

”Hell yeah.“ Luna grinned, not embarrassed at all.

”Oh, man.“ I mumbled. She smacked me onto my arm.

”Ow that hurt.“ I rubbed the spot she smacked me.

”Man up.“ She grinned.

”Really? In front of my dad?“ I said and both Luna and my dad just laughed.

”Oh please. I’m sure your dad knows we’re sleeping together. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be pregnant.“

"Looks as if that train left the station a long time ago." My dad laughed out loud and started wiping tears from out of the corner of his eyes, Luna grins.

”I like her, she's got balls.“ My dad said.

”Dad!“ I exclaimed.

”Oh don’t worry. My delicate sensibilities weren’t hurt.“ Luna waved him off.

We kept chatting for the remainder of the visit. When it’s time to leave I help Luna when we both get up, my dad stands up as well.

”It was great meeting you Luna. I can tell you’re keeping my son on his toes.“

”Oh I sure do. Bryce is a great guy. I’m very proud of him.“ Luna said with a hint of a warning in her tone. My dad raised his eyebrows and got the message loud and clear. Then he smiled.

”She’s a keeper. Also, I’d love it if you called me Keola. Mr. feels too formal.“

Luna beamed at him.

”Sure no problem Keola. That would be nice. Would it be okay if I hugged you? You don’t have to, but I’d love a hug.“

My dad grinned and hugged her. God, what did I do to deserve someone like Luna? When they broke apart my dad waited.

”What are you waiting for? Get in here. Maybe before I become a grandfather?“

”Burn,“ Luna commented. I let out a surprised laugh and my dad and I hugged. It felt different to hug him now than it did when I was a teenager.

He felt more thin and frail. But it’s good to hug him because he’s my dad. And just like that something shifts into the right place. When we broke apart we picked up the conversation about the twins.

”We’re expecting twins in March.“ Luna said and my dad nodded happily. I can tell he’s happy. He’s got the same look in his eyes when Keiki was born.

”I have something for you.“ Luna got out a black and white picture. It’s the latest sonogram from the twins. She handed it to my dad.

”It’s an ultrasound picture of the twins. Kehlani Mae and Alaia Rose. You can keep it. We have another one.“ Luna said and my dad looked down at the picture. When he looked up, he held the picture close to his heart.

”Thank you, Luna. This means a lot to me.“ I smiled and hugged Lunes close to me. We all hugged again and then left to get to our car and drive home.

When we were inside the car I turned to Luna who looked at me. I smiled and reached into the glove compartment to get some tissues out and handed one to Luna.

”Here you go sunshine.“

She nodded in thanks and smiled at me.

”Thank you for today Lunes. I can’t even describe how much it meant to me that you went and visited my dad with me. Giving him that ultrasound picture? Making him smile like that? Man, I haven’t seen him smile as he did now in a long time. You made him so happy and me too.“

”Of course B. I’d give you one of my kidneys if it meant you’d survive.“

I smiled at her.

”B?“ She asked, looking tentatively at me.

”Yeah?“

”Can we just get some malasadas to go and then get naked?“

Which drew a surprised laugh from me. It’s like my dad said, Luna sure does keep me on my toes. But I love her, and it keeps me grounded in a way that’s hard to explain. That must be the feeling when you find the one.

”Not what I expected you to say. But sure.“

”I don’t want to ruin my overall, it's so cute.“ She said and together we drove to Leonard’s Bakery.

Bryce

We got home. Had some malasadas. And got lost in each other's touch. It was like coming home. It’s what we both needed.

We stand in our shower outside. Just holding on to each other. Like one of us is going to disappear in the next second. I felt the best when I was surrounded by water. It helped me calm down and it calmed Luna down too.

We toweled off and went into the kitchen. I stopped, putting some strands of her wet hair aside and I kissed her. Wondering how I got so lucky?

”You got so lucky because I’m awesome. And you’re my arm candy,“ she said, her tone getting lighter and I looked up at her. The shadows of pain were almost gone. I just kept looking at her.

”I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you with my actions,“ I said.

She pulled me closer.

”It’s okay B I know you didn’t mean it. And I know a relationship and love are sometimes hard to navigate. But another stunt like that and I won’t be so nice,“ she said.

”Why are you so forgiving? I thought you’d be angrier with me now?“

I asked, honestly flabbergasted.

She gnawed on her lips nervously. Ahhh. She’s been harboring a secret too.

”Spill Lunes,“ I said grinning. She looked up.

”Okay don’t be mad, but Evie sent out invitations for our wedding a couple of weeks ago and I said I’d have to ask if you wanted your mom to be there but I forgot to ask you and now your mom has gotten an invitation and I sort of didn’t ask you?“ She looked crestfallen so I pulled her close and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead.

”You were totally buttering me up. I was thinking of inviting her. Maybe even thinking of giving her and Dad a second chance. Unless they give me a reason to not trust them anymore,“ I said my voice steely.

She smiled and I knew we were good. When she kept smiling I looked at her.

”What? Any more secrets you’d like to tell me? Like how you ate the last piece of strawberry cheesecake that had my name on it?“

”That was Keiki,“ she lied and I shook my head.

We heard the door being slammed and Keiki walked in.

”You said it’s okay if we shared that piece of cake! Now I get blamed for eating the whole thing? Oh come on.“

She went into her room upstairs and slammed the door behind her. Bryce and I burst out laughing. Luna wiggled her eyebrows.

”How about we try out that hot tub we got some time ago?“

I grinned at her getting where she was going with this.

”Getting you naked is my favorite pastime,“ I said.

”Likewise,“ she replied.

We both sprinted into one of our bathrooms where we set up a hot tub. Luna's idea. The best idea she’s ever had if you don’t count on us getting together.

I got put out of my thoughts when she stood naked in front of me.

She’s been feeling unsure of her body because it started changing ever since she got pregnant.

”You‘re the most stunning woman of all time. So get that sweet butt of yours into the water,“ I said and she grinned.

”You only love me for my body,“ she grinned, getting comfortable in the water.

I huffed out a breath.

”That’s supposed to be my line,“ I said and she got closer until our bodies touched.

”Maybe you can change my mind?“ she asked.

”Oh I intend to,“ I said and kissed her until she forgot everything.

Until there’s just us and the love we shared for each other.

After a while when our fingers looked more like raisins, we got out of the hot tub. We dried ourselves and went to our bedroom. Lunes took one of my college shirts from Stanford and I just wore boxers. I turned Luna’s night light on. Illuminating the whole room, transforming it into the night sky.

When we lay in bed we almost stuck together. That’s how close we were. Needing this moment. Together. It’s what’s anchoring us.

I leaned into Lunes and sought her warmth, her comfort and she did the same for me.

Everything’s going to work out in the end, because our love is the loudest.

The next morning…

We got up, showered and lay in bed. Or well Luna was lying in bed while I was putting on some bum bum cream since she can’t reach it herself. I could feel her stare bore into me, making me smile.

”What now? Pillow talk?“ I teased and looked up at her.

”I…just wanted to ask if you’d tell me more about your parents. And what happened?“ Luna said.

I know she won’t push me, but she’d love to know more. I sigh as I put the lid back on the bum bum cream and kiss her calf. Making her laugh. One of my favorite sounds in the whole world.

”When I was younger…I don’t know, I always remember we had a lot of money. I never cared about that stuff. My parents were working in the real estate field. I wasn’t different because of it. And I didn’t act as if I was the center of attention, throwing money around.“ I sat at the edge of the bed and gathered my thoughts.

”Then there was this one night. I remember it was late and I just came back from a round of basketball with Kainalu and some of my other friends. I drove around the corner into our neighborhood in Maui and saw all these blue lights. Realizing the light was coming from police cars. Not having the faintest idea what the hell was going on.“

”Then what happened?“ Luna reached out and I helped her sit next to me.

”I saw my dad getting arrested, being put into a police car. I went inside the house like I was on autopilot. My mom came to me pulled me to the side and whispered I should take this bag from Keiki’s closet since apparently they haven’t checked that out yet. Take Keiki and get out of the house.“

”That must’ve been terrifying. I can’t imagine how you must’ve felt.“ Luna said drawing circles on my hands.

”It was horrible. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare. Not able to wake up.“

”What happened with your parents?“

”Later I found out how we got to have all this money. It didn’t just appear out of thin air. I learned my parents made some bad investments and the people they owed money wanted their money back. Saying ”pay me back or else.“ I said remembering the court transcripts.

Luna puts a hand over her mouth.

”Oh god. What happened after that?“

I rub a strand of her blonde hair between my fingers.

”As it turns out my parents skimmed money off their clients. They had access to all the clients' private information. At first, nobody noticed anything, since it was only small amounts that disappeared and that could’ve been easily justified. But when larger sums started disappearing, they started an investigation, to find out what happened. My parents became desperate to pay the money back that they owed. But what they didn’t know was that the police set a trap and caught them red-handed.“ I sigh, sharing this part of my life was always hard for me.

As if feeling this was difficult for me, Luna turned my head towards her and smiled at me.

”You don’t have to tell me. I can see this is affecting you deeply.“

I shook my head and lightly kissed her temple.

”So if your parents got caught what happened to you and your sister? I can’t imagine you came out of this unscathed.“ She encouraged me to keep talking.

”I was finishing my last year of high school. I was one of the popular kids and became public enemy number one overnight. The other kids whose parents had lost money from my parents' schemes took their anger and frustrations out on me. It’s hardly surprising, but still, I wasn’t a part of it. Neither was Keiki. She was only what, 6-years-old? And that night my parents got arrested? It was Keiki‘s birthday. I felt so angry that they would be greedy and take some money and drag all of us into it. But I know now that maybe there’s more to the story and life isn’t always as black and white as we’d like it to be.“

Luna leaned into me to offer me some comfort, as I was telling her my deepest and darkest secret. One I’m still ashamed about, though I’m trying to make my peace with it.

”We stayed with close friends until everything was cleared. Mom was acquitted because she testified against my dad.“

”Your parents love each other B. She wanted to help him and he didn’t want her to be in prison. I’d do the same. If I could help you by not making you wear an orange jumpsuit? I’d take it.“

”You’d lie on the stand?“ I was shocked.

”Depending on what the lie would be. I’m not exactly good at lying.“ She replied. I smiled and nodded absently as if now realizing she could be right.

”You may be right.“ I said.

”What happened after?“ Luna asked.

”It didn’t get better once I started college. I asked if I could take online classes. The college board agreed because my situation was a bit delicate as they put it. But it became too much so I transferred to Stanford. Just to get out of Maui. My grades were good enough that I could justify a transfer. And they had an open spot, so I packed my stuff, and left. Keiki went to live with Mom in Maui, while I went away to Stanford. Keiki was only six and in elementary school when I left. I left everything behind and didn’t look back.“

I sighed as I was saying that.

”Do you feel guilty that you left? I mean you and Keiki made up. Do you think she still harbors hard feelings because you left?“ Luna nailed my emotional roller coaster inside of me on the head.

”I do feel a little guilty. But I hope she forgave me. I regret not being here for her. But then I wouldn’t have met such awesome friends and later on you, Lunes.“

”The love of your life. Just give this a bit of time and you’ll see things will turn around.“ She grinned and I kissed her. Simply because it made me happy.

I broke off the kiss and said into her hair.

”The love of my life has a good point.“

She grinned and I smiled against her temple and instead of talking about the past, we made memories for the future.

A week later…

I was nervous as all get out. I was never good at talking to other people about my feelings.

I knocked on a red door and when the door opened a tall man with blond hair, put in a bun, answered the door.

Adam smiled at me as I stood there like a weirdo. I smiled nervously. Waving at him. Why am I waving at him? Get a grip, Bryce! I let out a nervous breath I’d been holding in and smiled at Adam.

”Bryce. It’s good to see you man. What brings you by? Oh god, my mom would whoop my ass. Seriously, where are my manners? Come on in.“ He opened the door wider and his golden retriever Knox came closer.

”Knox. Sit. Remember, no jumping people.“ Adam said to his dog who just smiled. I didn’t know dogs could smile. Huh. You learn something new every day. I petted Knox, which earned me a lick on my hand.

I followed Adam into the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs.

”Want something to drink? My cousin made some beer. It’s made from some native ingredients found only in Hawaii. He listed tons of those ingredients. To me, it just tastes like beer. You want some?“ His head was buried inside the fridge.

”Sounds good.“ I replied.

He resurfaced from the fridge and held out a bottle of beer. It shone like liquid gold. We both opened our bottles took a sip and whistled.

”Damn. This is some good shit.“ I said and took another sip. Tasting, honey, amber, citrus notes, and something unique. Like hibiscus? How did they incorporate that into beer?

Adam smiled.

”I’ll be sure to tell him.“ He smiled and put his beer on a nearby table.

”So what brings you by? I don’t assume this is a social call?“

”What, I can’t come visit you?“ I asked, trying to mask why I was there.

Because I feel embarrassed and ashamed for something I had no control of. But like Dr. Leslie said, letting go of the past doesn’t mean it won’t be able to hurt you anymore, it means you’re giving it less power over you.

”Look I’ll be honest. I came here to ask you for a favor. And you can say no.“ I said.

”What kind of favor?“ He regarded me carefully.

”I recently had some memories from the past come back and I realized I might need an outlet for my emotions to avoid having a panic attack during surgery.“ I told him.

”I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. I am. I know how difficult it was when my mom died. I was angry at myself, at the world, at everyone.“ He admitted and I looked up.

”I‘m so sorry for your loss. I bet your mom was an incredible person.“ I said and peeled off the label of the beer bottle. Feeling the soft fur of Knox graze my calves. I reached and patted him and he lay down by my feet. Anchoring me in a way.

”She sure was. It took me some time to figure out how to handle my grief. And everyone handles grief and losing a loved one differently. So if there’s something I can do to help I’d be happy to.“ He said and smiled, his blue eyes sparkling.

”Can I ask what happened?“ He took another sip of his beer, turned his attention to me and asked me what I feared he might.

”My parents cheated a lot of people out of their money. And the kids at school got back at me and Keiki for it. My dad is still in prison and my mom testified against my dad so she didn’t go to jail. At that time my sister and I didn’t know what my parents did. I recently visited my dad and I don’t know. I guess I’m just not sure how to feel about this whole situation.“ That’s when I realized I'd been babbling and when I looked up I just wanted to run away. Or hide.

”First of all, I would never judge you, Bryce. I’ve got to know you over the last couple of months. You're a kind, supportive guy. Who’s hard-working and loves his family. You’re a good person. Don’t let past mistakes by other people define who you are at your core.“ He said and I breathed out. Before I could say anything he continued.

”And don’t worry whatever you tell me stays between us. You don’t have to worry that I’d spill the beans to anyone. I’m really sorry this happened to you. I never thought you’d gone through something like that. So what is it exactly I could help you with? I’m not exactly good with therapy sessions.“ He smiled gently.

”I worked something out for therapy. But…I…uh…I‘d love it if maybe I could work on some projects here with you. If you need any help. I know I’m not exactly qualified or anything. But maybe I could use your workshop in the beginning. I promise I won’t make a mess. Years of doing surgeries have made me a very organized person. At least in the OR room.“

Adam grinned.

”You got it. Use the space however you like. It’s yours. If I do need some help I’ll let you know. As a matter of fact, I could use your help. I found this dresser at an antique store and I’d love to restore it to its former glory. The wood carving is beautiful, I think it’s made out of Koa wood. It would be perfect for Maxine actually.“

He blushed and I smirked.

”So essentially two birds one stone?“ I asked and he nodded. That’s when I noticed how different he looked when Maxine’s name was mentioned. I wondered what I look like when I talk about Luna. Probably like a sappy fool. But probably a really happy one.

”You really love her do you?“ I asked and it dawned on me, how much his eyes conveyed his genuine love and respect for Maxine.

”Yes I do. Maxine is a special woman. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make her happy for the rest of my life.“

”I’ll drink to that. To love and good friendships.“ I said and we clinked our glasses together and just enjoyed a nice view of a Hawaiian sunset.

Life is hard but you make the best out of it every single day.

#Losing Game (4/4) #Bryce Lahela (M!MC) #Luna Auclair (F!OC) #Adam Sinclair (M!OC) #cfwc #open heart

[swampstew]

Hi! :) I was wondering if you could write a fluff for crocodile comforting his s/o who is really depressed. I hope all is well! ^_^

Hi @parasytefweak ~ I hope he's not too OOC here but I feel like Sir Crocodile takes mental health very seriously. He def sought therapy treatment in Impel Down to process Luffy kicking his ass - he was provided with a puppet therapist for his hook and it worked surprisingly well.

WC: 364 CW: Talks of depression, mental health, support and care, fluff piece.

M!n0rs DNI - you will be banned.

You were sitting on the rug throw in the living room, watching the fireplace crackle. The flames were dancing chaotically much like the intrusive thoughts in your mind. The weight of the feeling pulled you down, lying on your side as a tear leaked from your eye.

"Is it happening again?" a deep voice perked up from behind you.

You could only turn your head back to look at him, acknowledge his presence. A weak hello leaving your lips. A deep sigh leaves him. He says nothing as he leaves the room. Somehow that feels worse to you and you curl inwardly. Thoughts now spiraling quickly.

Shortly after, you hear the click of his heeled leather shoes approaching you again. The sound of something struggling in his arms perked your ears. Before you could muster the energy to look, Crocodile appeared before you with one of the Bananawani babies from the month old clutch.

"Hold this for me," he handed it to you without waiting on your answer as he stepped away. The reptile baby looked at you with large eyes and gurgled out sweet, high pitched noises. It was so unexpected and cute it made you crack a smile. The little thing kept making the call and it made you silently laugh.

"Coming down," he announced himself again as he laid down behind you. With his one hand he draped his massive coat over you both and the warmth made you feel more at ease, even a little sleepy. It felt nice, and nice felt...nice right now. Things were going so rough in your brain but outside, with Crocodile and this cozy little reptile, you felt a little a peace.

"Can you talk about it?" he asked as gently as he could.

You shake your head, "not yet. Hard to sort it through and deal with."

"I see," he gripped your waist and squeezed. "Then just stay here with us for a while. I'm having the chef prepare your favorite soup and dessert. When you're ready to sit up, there's a bottle of water on the coffee table."

Another tear leaked from your eye.

"Thank you," you whimper out.

"You're ok, I'm here."

#sir crocodile #crocodile one piece #sir crocodile one piece #crocodile x reader #crocodile x you #swampstew #swampstew stories #swampstew bedtime stories

[cuntyqueerleondraisaitl]

Saw people talking about how Choreman is doomed to repeat the narrative, and that got me thinking about all their possible parallels to Hilson/Huddy, but also how they have all the potential to be MORE

One very notable thing that I catch myself thinking about a lot, is that neither character, at least when we left them in season eight, is a perfect parallel to House, Cuddy or Wilson. Instead its like you combined them all together, and then split them in half.

Like House, Chase is brilliant, sarcastic, has daddy issues and is extremely self destructive. He often doesn't think he deserves love and has a tendency to drag everyone he loves down with him. Like Cuddy, he often feels that he isn't good enough, and doesn't deserve to be in the position he's in. But like Wilson, he wants to do immense amounts of good in the world. The biggest example of this I can find is in the episode where Cuddy has to get some procedure done. Chase sits and stays with her, House ordered him to of course, but he joked around with her, and made her feel comfortable. He has an excellent bedside manner and you'd be lying if you said he didn't have "Kind eyes"

Like House, Foreman is snarky and rude, but he has two very specific people he seems to care about (House's are Wilson and sometimes Cuddy, and Foreman's are Thirteen and Chase) Like Cuddy, he immediately rises to positions of power. Cuddy was made hospital administrator in her early thirties, and Foreman rose to the occasion as soon as she left. As opposed to Chase who had a very fully fleshed-out storyline about how he was afraid to take positions of power and advance with his life and career. Like Wilson, he is the best friend who is always there. To those two people previously mentioned, he has always been there for them. Whether dealing with heavy emotional stuff (Chase getting stabbed, Thirteen's Huntingtons) or lighter stuff (the Chastity belt bet)

I definitely think that they have the potential to have a lot of Huddy parallels, but good Huddy. The very sweet parts of early season seven Huddy, before everything went south. They could calm each other down and just be outright super sweet to each other.

I think that the fact Chase is so scared of commitment could parallel nicely to the fact that House is an asshole with a negative EQ (affectionate). It really could be a huge difference because, yes Chase is scared, but he WANTS this. He wants to be happy. In opposition to Cuddy having to put up with House's jerkiness, Foreman could embrace Chase's nervous energy.

Both Chase and House are undeniably self-destructive, but one of the main Huddy/Choreman differences that I can think of is the way that their self-destruction manifests. Chase's main coping mechanism is, and I quote 'having meaningless sex with random strangers' something that would be avoided if he was in a committed relationship. Am I saying that that would immediately heal all of Chase's mental health issues? No. But It could help him.

On the Hilson side of things, there is so much potential there! Just imagine Chase having eureka moments when talking to Foreman, and them watching rugby or something together(I don't know anything about Australians don't sue me) Helping each other get ready for dates or just generally vibing.

Hilson is so similar to Huddy because both Wilson and Cuddy are enablers, but the fact that this would be both a Huddy AND Hilson parallel because Foreman would be enabling Chase in a legal way (as the hospital administrator) as well as in a social way (boyfriend and best friend)

Holy shit this got long, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love them and they are forever doomed to repeat the narrative. In their very own, fucked up, gay-ass way

#At first this was just gonna be a list with bullet points but then I thought #fuck it I gotta essay this bitch #two long ass choreman posts in an hour lets gooooo #foremanchase #choreman #robert chase #chase x foreman #eric foreman #dr chase #dr foreman #house md #chase md #hatecrimes md #hate crimes episode

[multivrses]

ᘍ how you got together with ... ᯇ 🎐 sanemi shinazugawa .ᐟ

ㅅ 。 ﹌ headcanons on how you and sanemi shinazugawa got together. slight angst. sfw only. ࡙ ◌

✶ ‎⌢ gender neutral reader. 🌪 𓄹 ࣪˖

⁂ it took sanemi an extreme amount of time to even RECOGNIZE the fact that he had some feelings for you, and even longer time to ask you out on a date.

⁂ being a demon slayer, nevertheless a hashira, is extremely dangerous. and questioning whether or not somebody would be making it back home was a stress he didn’t want.

⁂ however, you seemed to be able to hold your own when it comes to demon slaying. you were a kinoe, damn near close to hashira level. sanemi had admired you from afar, due to your lack of interaction.

⁂ until… you became a hashira. the thunder hashira, a force to be reckoned with. now, sanemi had no choice but to actually associate with you time to time.

⁂ unbeknownst to sanemi… you were well aware of his strange behavior whenever you were near him. you chalked it up to him disliking you, because he seemed to dislike everyone, and put it behind you. while you’d like to be friends, it did not effect your job.

⁂ until you heard from shinobu, who heard from mitsuri, who heard from iguro, who sanemi told that he thought you were attractive. it was a simple enough compliment that intrigued you, because in shinobu’s words, sanemi would never ever compliment anyone he wasn’t interested in.

⁂ you took it with a grain of salt, however. but since then you made more of an effort to talk to sanemi and give him your attention. he was distant, bitterly rude, but he managed to communicate with you somehow and someway.

⁂ the two of you got rather close, as close as sanemi would allow you to be to him. with his insecurity about losing people close to him, he tried to push you as far as possible. however, it had not worked yet.

⁂ the two of you continued with your small friendship. touches lingered, secrets were shared, you and sanemi had an undeniable chemistry. yet neither of you were ready to act on it.

⁂ until you lost your arm in a fight against the upper moon four. you barely got out with your life, somehow managing to use your breathing technique to get away. you collapsed eventually, but thanks to your crow, you were found.

⁂ when sanemi heard the news of your loss, he tried to push the thought of care out of his mind. he tried to detach himself. but all he felt was relief. he tucked this relief deep inside him however.

⁂ he didn’t visit for the first week you were in the butterfly mansion. he didn’t plan to visit during the second either, but due to shinobu convincing him that his silence was detrimental to your mental health, he had no choice but to come.

⁂ seeing you lying on the bed, your eyes dim and fixed on the ceiling triggered something within him. he made his way to your bedside and sat down by your knees.

⁂ “you did good, y/n.” he said softly, his usually gruff voice smooth and steady. “i’ll take you out for ohagi when you get outta here.” you turned your head to look at him, a frown fixed on your face.

⁂ “why didn’t you come to see me sooner?” you whispered, “weren’t you worried?” sanemi pursed his lips, glancing at your ashen face, to the place where your left arm once was. “i was really scared to lose you.”

⁂ “ass excuse,” you said. “spend time with me before you do. you only live once, sanemi.” you turned your gaze back to the ceiling, and sanemi squeezed your hand. “so i’ll have to take you to get ohagi every day, huh? wouldn’t mind eating it with the person i care about every day.”

⁂ “just kiss me already.” you grumbled, “you know you really want to.” sanemi laughed, turning to you fully and pressing a quick kiss to your lips before pulling away. “damn right.”

#sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #sanemi x gender neutral reader #gender neutral y/n #demon slayer #fluff #☁️ #azure speaks! #sanemi #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer x you #kimetsu no yaiba #kny x y/n #kny headcanons #demon slayer headcanons #sanemi headcanons #sanemi shinazugawa headcanons

[ifidiedinadream]

Hi! I'd like to request something where Joel is dating a bookworm (the reader) and one day he asks her to read out loud, which leads to him discovering that it helps him fall asleep. Because of that the reader reads to him every night, even when he's on tour. Firstly, the boys tease Joel about it but when they learn it's actually helping and his mood is better, they can't thank the reader enough.

this was extremely cute 😭😭😭 hope you enjoy!

“How do you even keep your focus on that for more than ten minutes?” 

Joel’s words take you back to the here and now. He’s lying next to you in bed, on his side, phone face down by his chest on the mattress as if he’s just put it down. He’s watching you with his head resting on his hand, propped up on one elbow. 

“You spend much more time on your phone than I do reading.” 

“It’s not the same. When I’m on my phone I’m never focused on one thing only. How can you read such a long ass story to the very end?” 

His question makes you snort. You close the book and turn to face him. There’s genuine curiosity in his eyes. 

“Books are more interesting than scrolling down social media. That is, if you find the right book.” 

“Maybe for smart people like you. I could never,” he laughs. “If anything, I’d grow impatient after two pages and spoil the ending within the first five minutes. What even is it you’re reading now anyway?” 

You show him the cover. “Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Fits your aesthetic, doesn’t it?” 

Joel looks at you with big eyes. “You know horror movies scare me. And books too, I guess.” 

“I think you’d like this one. Don’t you call yourself a vampire all the time? For example when you point out how Joonas has smile lines and you still don’t?” 

“Stop that,” Joel looks down. You reach your hand and caress his cheek. “Dracula is scary.” 

“Is not,” you insist. “Want me to read a passage to prove it to you? There’s nothing to be scared of, babyboy.” 

That seems to wound Joel’s masculinity, judging by how he stiffens and frowns. “I’m no babyboy. Go on and read. I’ll show you!” 

You smile at him - he’s so predictable it’s endearing. 

Feeling merciful, you choose a paragraph you know won’t upset him - a chapter from Doctor Seward’s diary, where he’s talking about his experience at the mental institution, when he still doesn’t know he’s dealing with something paranormal. 

You read the passage out loud and Joel listens silently. So silently, in fact, that you find it suspicious, and when you glance over at him, his chest is rising and falling slowly and his eyes are closed. 

A rare sight, him peacefully asleep at a decent hour. The tranquility of it makes you smile fondly and you reach out to remove a strand of hair from his face. You close the book, putting it on the nightstand, and turn off the lights, ready to join your boyfriend in dreamland. 

*** 

It becomes a habit. You reading out to Joel makes him fall asleep in no time and in the morning he’s well rested and overall in a better mood than usual. It’s incredible what a full night of rest can do to one’s mental health and you love seeing him energized and happier. 

That is, until Blind Channel needs to go on tour again. 

Joel was biting his nails, worried that he wouldn’t be able to sleep without your soothing voice reading the most diverse stories to him, and as much as you tried to reassure him that probably his circadian rhythm had adjusted by then and he’d be able to doze off just the same, or that he could still listen to audiobooks, he didn’t listen to reason; it was not about his sleep schedule, he could be exhausted and still find it impossible to sleep; it was not about having someone reading him a story, it was about you reading him a story. 

After a while of searching for a solution, you agreed to join him on tour for the first week (when you’re not busy) and later join the band again for shorter periods of time as often as you can. 

Now it’s the first day of tour; the first gig is over, it was awesome, the afterparty was just moderately alcoholic and now it’s silent, the bus already on the road to the next city. 

It’s crowded in Joel’s bunk bed - you, him and your suitcases. The little light is on and you’re half sat up, half reclined, as much as the bunk allows; Joel’s head is on your chest as he’s listening to your quiet strings of words, telling him a story about a man beating up other men  until he finds out he’s been beating up himself all along. Soon Joel is fast asleep. 

*** 

“Dude, what the hell was going on last night?” Olli asks as soon as he leaves his bunk the morning after, walking to the front area of the bus where everyone else is hanging out. He’s rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, hair all messy. 

“Yeah, someone was talking and talking. Had to go take a leak in the middle of the night and then I couldn’t go back to sleep,” Aleksi says. 

“Do you happen to know anything about it?” Joonas is addressing you and Joel with a knowing smirk. You blush - you thought you were being quiet enough. 

“I - she reads me to sleep. It helps. It’s all,” Joel is blushing even harder than you, toying with the ends of his hair. 

“Yeah, sorry, we didn’t mean to disturb. Maybe we can sleep in the lounge area tonight?” 

Niko and Aleksi are trying hard to keep from laughing, but just can’t resist any longer when they exchange a glance. 

“Dude, when you told us your girlfriend was joining us on tour I thought I’d be woken up by another kind of sound, not this,” Joonas says and now everybody is laughing. Joel flips him off and curls up in his seat, knees to his chest and head on his knees. 

“It helps me sleep! It’s not my fault I suffer from insomnia.” 

“Have you tried jerking off like everybody else?” Aleksi asks. 

“Fuck you too!” 

The conversation just turns into playful teasing after that, ending up with Joel and Joonas playwrestling in the seats by the small table and the others cheering them on. 

You and Joel sleep in the lounge area the following nights, keeping the little tradition going. And the day after you leave, at work, you receive a text from Niko during your lunch break: 

we forgot how grumpy joel can be when he doesn’t sleep. please come back! we’ll pay you 

You snort to yourself and then text Joel. 

facetime tonight? <3  

#my writing #blind channel rpf #blind channel imagines #blind channel fanfic #blind channel fanfiction #rpf #joel hokka x reader

[play-now-my-lord]

The fundamental problem with tiktok as a mental health information platform is not the misinformation per se - doing research on medical conditions through the Internet has always required a strong bullshit filter and willingness to evaluate claims that strangers make. People lying or talking out their ass isn't the thing that worries me. It doesn't even terribly worry me that the audience skews very young and is thus kinda credulous - that's always been a problem the Internet has had. No, the problem I have is that for reasons I don't fully understand - I don't know if the culture is just hostile to it or if the app itself isn't made to accomodate it, and frankly it doesn't super matter which - it's trivial to present con artistry as garden-variety misinformation there. Like, if someone is telling me that some medicine will help me out of a misguided belief it helped them, or out of spite, it's gonna be, while not exactly trivial anymore to validity-check that, not super challenging. On the other hand, if they're selling some sugar pills for my medical problems for fifty a pop, they're capable of being way slicker about it than they are anywhere else. I worry not so much about the liars or even the charlatans as I do about predatory businesses. On basically every level where it matters, you are increasingly presented with an epistemic quandary - you can Trust The Science (and frankly if you don't have chronic health problems you have no fucking idea how useless, reactionary, and subject to overt corruption The Science is, especially in the US) or you can check out the open mic at an Herbalife convention in the slim hope someone there isn't trying to specifically sell you Herbalife. No middle ground. You can develop critical faculties to make the Herbalife convention less dangerously useless but that takes years, and that's the approximate lifespan of any given modern app's ecosystem.

I'm talking about mental and chronic health and Tiktok here, but the same problem is really present in politics, journalism, etc, and apply to Tumblr and Twitter and Facebook as well. (I single out Tiktok because as a purely outside observer it seems like the single place where people talk most freely in bad faith, but they do that everywhere with varying degrees of success.) Your information sources are either transparently useless and corrupt official channels or Some Guy who, odds are, is working directly or indirectly for a marketing firm or afloat on an MLM grift and not obligated to disclose that by anything or anyone.

#frog thoughts

[okthatsgreat]

hiii lee :) 🍀❤️🧠 for any oc you want to talk about!

GONNA USE ERIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also hiiiii lily hello hiiii :) everybody here wish my friend lily a happy early birthday ok

OC ASK GAME!!

🍀 - what originally inspired the oc?

pippy/erin was created for a danganronpa rp i was in and was developed a whole lot during that rp that shaped the character she is today!!!! BEFORE the rp when she was still a nameless character being used to fill out a cast of ultimates, she was floating around as either the ultimate voice actress OR the ultimate preschool teacher (who now is an entirely different guy lol), who was meant to be this very chipper, bright personality that provided levity to the group.

when i finally stopped being a pussy and decided to write out an application for the rp i decided that i NEEDED her to be in costume all of the time. like this is a cartoon character. ALSO what was really cool was this rp included the idea of a worldwide hpa program, which meant ultimates from different countries were encouraged, and immediately i was like OHHH I NEED TO MAKE HER AUSTRALIAN. I NEED TO BASE HER OFF OF EMMA WATKINS FROM THE WIGGLES. those red pigtails are DEFINITELY from her lmfao!!!! pippy also knows and teaches sign language as an homage to emma watkins as well :]

childrens programming ALSO inspired the rest of pippy's costume!!! her colour scheme is very bright and peppy, using a lot of "in your face" colours that made me think of a kid's colouring box and the australian kids show "Hi-5" that i used to watch ALL THE TIME AS A KIDDDD

her backstory was inspired by a few real child actors who acted as the primary breadwinners of the family and got denied their earnings, as well as being treated pretty terribly by the industry. jennette mccurdy's memoir definitely played a part as well. erin's personality is definitely an EXTREME (because its danganronpa lmfao) but a lot of what happened to her is based in reality

❤️ - what is one of your oc’s best memories?

a lot of what erin THINKS are her best memories turns out to just be memories of her success lmfaooooo. bc thats when the most people were happy with her!!!! which means during the killing game her best memories were likely linked to getting her very own show and being recognized as THE ultimate children's entertainer

in a beautiful universe where she has long since realised the extent of what she's gone through and processed a whole lot of it, her best memories would definitely be a lot more simple i think!! like learning how to drive a car or just hanging out with her close friends and feeling like she actually can just be totally herself for the first time :]

🧠 - what do you like most about the oc?

ohhhh pippy is so fun to write. i love erin and i know her being pippy is terrible for her mental health but pippy is SOOOOO fun to write LMFAO. like she is SO annoying. she is the girl in your 7am class who has already downed two cups of coffee and is talking loudly about bird facts. she is the girl who hugs you without asking and smiles without moving her eyes and constantly is at 100 percent energy no matter the circumstances. she has a fucking ukulele. that she brings everywhere. and she can improvise songs on the fly.

and the best part of it all?????????????? this entire time she could be annoying the shit out of you and calling you her best friend but unless you are seriously trying to cut through to her SHES PROBABLY FUCKING LYING LMAO. SHES ALWAYS MOVING SHE THINKS SHE CANT MAKE REAL FRIENDS. SO YOURE JUST SITTING THERE LISTENING TO HER PLAY HER COLLEEN BALLINGER ASS UKULELE FOR NOTHING BASICALLY

#WAHOO!!! #oc: erin #ask lee #ask game #lottiematthewsgirl

[violetlunette]

I'm telling you I tried to force myself to like LoV because everyone acted like they are so deep and complex and big brain. So I just felt stupid because I've always seen them as kinda bland crazies that excuse their actions with "hero society is at fault uwah" thing. But with time I realized that maybe I was right actually. All of the explanations to why LoV are deep and complex that I've read were mostly filled with made up shit from the authors. And stuff like LoV being bad guys that deserve to get beaten up and put in jail is hard for fandom to understand. But tbh it's also Hori's fault. He tries to make some cOmPlEx gRaY conflict but he fails. Because as I said LoV are bad people. They don't deserve any saving or forgiveness or help. They are bland bad guys and that's okay for shounen. The problem is how fandom makes them seem like something they are not. They are not deep, complex, morally gray sad uwu babies. They are just not. And it's a problem also how they are seen as one of the best shounen villains and their arc too. So yeah they suck and fandom has to stop lying to themselves

Warnings:

*LoV critical and hate

*Touches on abuse and mental illness neglect

*Long post

*All opinion based

Personally, I knew right away I wasn’t going to like the LoV right away. Shiggy didn’t have a good first impression and I thought for sure he was just a first boss type. Wish he was. His first appearance was boring as he did almost nothing (the nomu was the main threat) and his design was—meh? I thought he was going to be able to use his hands to fight but in the end, all he did was hurt Aizawa’s shoulder. That’s it. Then when All Might appeared, he started spouting how heroes were no different from villains and blah, blah. And I was like; “Dude. You attacked school children with an intent to kill. You don’t have a leg to stand on.”

He didn’t improve as time went on either. At the end of the day, he was an annoying brat and still is. Worse than that, as a villain, he’s boring. All the woobie scenes in the world won’t change that.

You’re right that Hori doesn’t seem to write gray villains very well, and you can see that in his previous works. (But I’ll get into that later.)

Everything about to say is strictly opinion and guesswork, so keep in mind that everything below may be wrong and I could very well be talking out of my ass.

There are three main reasons why I believe people are sympathetic towards the LoV;

First off, there’s a good portion of fans—mainly younger ones—who take what stories say at face value. So if the manga says (example), they’ll accept it even if there is no evidence for this shown, and has scenes conflicting with the statement.

Second, the stuff that is said happens to the lov are things that happen every day in real life; racism, abuse, neglect of mental health, a criminal record gotten at the fault of someone else, and etc. Therefore, when the author states it in the manga not only are they more willing to believe it, because that’s how the real world works. However, BNHA is not the real world, it’s a fantasy world. True, it’s a bit of an offshoot of our world but at its core, it’s a fantasy.

We have not seen a hint of racism in the BNHA world aside from an insulting comment Shinsou makes as of now. Even in side materials, all that’s shown is that the world hasn’t adapted buildings and stuff, which is fair as quirks are only five generations old and it’s only since the fourth generation that quirks have become the norm.

The manga uses Himiko’s quirk impulse as a stand-in for mental neglect, but in the manga, it’s stated that it’s not a common thing as most kids in school get quirk therapy and training in elementary school. Himiko’s issues developed because her parents were so spooked by her quirk that they ordered her to suppress it. It’s likely that kept her homeschooled till they felt Himiko could hide her quirk well enough. Had her parents gotten over themselves and sent her to quirk therapy, she would be fine. Himiko’s issues are not the fault of the hero society, but of her parents. I suppose that a case could be made that they refused to get her help because they were worried she’d be seen as a villain, and the manga likes to SAY that there’s quirk discrimination, but not only is that never shown, but we’ve seen that other heroes who have scarier quirks are accepted rather easily.

As for Twice, an accident indeed got him a record he didn’t deserve and was betrayed by someone he trusted at the sensitive age of sixteen and we do see that. However, as soon as he was tossed out, we never see Jin try again, nor do we see that he couldn’t get another job because of his record. Instead, we see the police being as understanding as they could and assuring him he could turn his life around. Then, instead of even making an attempt, Jin jumped straight into committing crimes, making things worse for himself. So, Jin’s life wasn’t ruined because of hero society, but because two men were assholes and because Jin gave up.

Dabe’s the only one with a leg to stand on as it was his father’s obsession with beating All Might that led to Dabe’s abuse and mentally falling apart. But again, Dabe’s issues were because Endeavor was overly competitive, not because of hero society.

Shiggy’s issues happened because his dad was an abusive fuck while the rest of his family decided to sit in ignorance, despite the fact it was happening in front of them. Then afterward, the issue was a depressing case of back-stander syndrome. No, unlike the other members of the league, this one has a leg to stand on. This was built up from chapter one where we see people standing around, doing nothing, even as a teenager literally being suffocated to death before them and watching the scene like a show. Civilians have been taught to be so overly dependent on heroes that they don’t do anything to defend themselves or protect others, despite having their own unique powers to do so. Shiggy’s fate might have been avoided if someone made the effort to call the police or a hero, then sit with the boy to arrive. Even then, this is a result of Heroes doing their jobs too well, not from doing anything wrong. And even if Shiggy was found by a hero, from what we know of AFO, he would have gotten Shiggy anyway. The core of Shiggy’s issues comes from AFO’s brainwashing and possession, so the reason Shiggy’s life is in hell is because of the villains, not the heroes.

Oh, and Compress? Show me a scene where he wanted to expose the darkness of heroes. I can’t recall one, so readers are left with the view he’s just a bored guy, so joined a villain club.

Third, the heroes represent the system and the norm, which people hate. Because of real-world events, people tend to hate government organizations and police in fiction. Even if the narratives show that overall the organization is good and does its best to protect people, most audiences won’t accept that. They don’t want protagonists that fight for the status quo, they want a protagonist who rebels against it. Plus, the LoV is made of people that are marginalized in our world, so it’s easier to sympathize with them.

Anywho, that’s my thoughts. I have no evidence for this, so I could be wrong. If it helps, I’ve spoken to some LoV fans and while they like the characters a good portion seems to agree that they’ve crossed the line morally and that the manga isn’t good at showing their plights.

Right now everyone is riding the excitement of the manga as it's at its height. Once it ends and they get time to settle everyone will be able to look at the story and characters with some critical thinking. Even I may change my mind on things.

#I hope this doesn't come off as insulting to LoV fans #I hate the villains not their fans #I'm just trying to explain how the narrative #manipulates people and fails to show not tell #bnha critical #mha #bnha #bnha meta #anti lov #anti shigaraki #anti shigaraki toumra #anti tomura shigaraki #anti himiko toga #anti dabi #anti twice #anti league of villains

[larabiatasstuff]

Hey bestie 💚 may I make a request please? I haven't been myself recently and I would love the character of Max Parish trying to cheer me up with his funny personality. I can imagine he would do anything he can to make me smile, jokes, or doing something stupid to make me laugh. And possibly ending in some cute fluff maybe? Thank you 💚💚💚

Of course Bestie 🖤 🖤 🖤 I hope you like it 🙏

I was struggling with my mental health for a few days now, I also took a break from work but instead of feeling better it got worse every day. One day when Max came home I was still in bed, wrapped in a blanket, the curtains closed. "Babes? Are you here?" his voice echoed through the house. Then I heard footsteps approach. "Babes why are you not answering when I call you?" "Go away, I'm not in the mood Max." I felt the mattress moving as he lies beside me. "Wow a talking burrito and it knows my name." I pulled the blanket a bit down so just my eyes appeared. "I'm serious. I don't feel like myself. Can you please leave me alone." my voice came muffled under the blanket. "Hey serious, I'm Max and I'm afraid I can't do that. There are two possibilities, the first one, you get out of bed yourself and we talk or I get you out of bed and we talk. You have exactly ten seconds babes. Ten." I groaned I just wanted to suffer in peace." Nine, eight, seven. I would get up if I were you."" Max please just let me... "" Six, five, four, time is running hot stuff." I wrapped the blanket tighter around me and turned my back on him." Okay three, two, one. That's enough you wanted it like that. " Suddenly he lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder." Max put me down, now! Do you hear me? Maaax. " He puts me on the sofa and pulls the blanket away from me. "There is my lovely girl. Babes it can't go on like that talk to me. What's bothering you, what can I do to make you feel better?" I shook my head "You can't do anything, I'm not myself and I have the feeling that it only gets worse." "I know it's bad but playing vampire burrito in the bedroom won't help either. I'm here I help you as good as I can. Everything will be fine again I promise." I looked up at him. "How do you know that? What if it will never be fine again?" He takes a deep breath and for the first time in our relationship Max Parish had a serious expression on his face. " Remember when I told you about my time in the wheelchair? I had the exact same thoughts. What if it 's not going to be okay? What if I never walk again? But I didn't give up, I really believed that my life will be good again and now look at me. I'm walking, I got my job back and I own a house with the most wonderful and beautiful woman in the world. I might be addicted to one or two medics but that's not important right now. The thing is my life is better than I ever could've imagined. And you are a very huge part of that." he pulls me in his arms" It's just so hard Max,like I don't have energy to do anything. " he gently rubs my back" I know that, but you're not alone. We will get through this together. You can tell me erverything. But first we have to get you into the shower. " my eyes got wide" Excuse me? " " Well babe I love you but you really have to take a shower." he says laughing" Oh you will regret that Parish. " I said and started to playfully attack him." Oh no, attack of the grumpy girlfriend, please help. " I was lying on top of him looking in his smiling face" You're a real pain in the ass Max." I said giving him a soft kiss." Maybe but are you feeling better or not? " I smiled at him" Yes I really feel better, thank you for being there for me and I'm sorry that I was so mean to you. "" Don't apologize babes everyone has bad days. So I thought I could order some food while you're in the shower and we spent the rest of the day watching really bad movies and making fun of the actors? " " That sounds amazing. I love you baby. "I hugged him as tight as I could" I love you too babes but you really have to take a shower. " I punched him on the shoulder"Stop it, it's not that bad." "Babes even our goldfish is dead." I looked at him confused "We don't have a goldfish." "Yes because he's dead now babes." I got up and made my way to the bathroom "Fuck you Parish." When I came out of the bathroom the food was already there and Max got us some really bad movies. We spent the rest of the day cuddled up on the sofa laughing and joking.

#thomas ian griffith #sensei targaryen #max parish #max parish x reader #hollow point

[f1-birb]

thank you for saying what you did on that last ask about the fandom babying lando. this is not meant disrespectfully and is not aimed at that anon, it's meant in a general sense, but i wish people would stop doing it & projecting the image of this insecure, helpless, needy young boy on him. even from the little we see of him on screen & social media and not personally knowing him at all, it's obvious he is not those things and that he has a core of steel in there - they all have, however nice they may be, or they wouldn't survive in f1. for instance from things daniel has said in recent interviews, one of the things that has done him over this year & put him out of the sport is the mental side of things for him just as much as his physical struggles with the mclaren car. some fans really underestimate just how mentally tough & self-sufficient these guys have to be to do what they do, even though they have support teams around them (like lando has john & mark b & his parents).

lando is not a child, he's a grown ass man who is succeeding & thriving at the top of one of the most ruthless sporting environments in existence. even when he was shy & anxious by his own admission when he first entered f1, he never came across as someone who NEEDED support from his teammates (doesn't mean he didn't appreciate support they gave but there's a difference). if anyone's support was NEEDED (I use needed loosely), and i'm only going here on things he himself has said on streams & in interviews, it was mclaren giving him a safe environment to grow & be himself and also to talk about & work on his mental health without fear of rejection or ridicule, which anyone who has mental health struggles knows is so important. like most people in the world, he probably does draw a lot from his friendships just like his friends probably draw a lot from him in return - look what max fewtrell has said on streams about how lando is his ride or die & how much lando supported & helped him when fewtrell was at his really low point in the last couple of years. carlos has hinted a few times both last year & this year that he & lando are each other's sounding board in f1 and from the very little we see of it, their friendship appears to be very much mutually supportive. and though we don't know if this is actually the case, for all we know daniel may well have drawn on their friendship/kinship/whatever when things were bad at mclaren for him this season, as most people tend to draw on those immediately around them when times are rough, even if it's just to have a laugh with someone and lighten the load for a little bit.

i find it weird that we have all watched lando quite clearly mature & branch out this year, throwing himself into & publicly sharing new hobbies without giving a shit whether people think he's good at it or not, visibly more confident & comfortable voicing what he wants to say in front of the camera even if he still ties himself in knots or gets himself in trouble at times (his speech about seb on sky after the abu dhabi finale was just wonderful & such a sign of how mature he's becoming) and him very much thriving in the proxy-team leader role at mclaren. and yet some people still view him as a needy insecure child. sorry for the rant, i've been wanting to say this stuff for ages as it's something that really bugs me.

There's not a lot I can add to this but

- Lando is a snippy, sarcastic, elbows out little gremlin now and I love that for him, the comments he's made to shitty interviewers, or said in response to certain comments from other drivers (looking at two in red recently ngl) show he's not there to take bullshit lying down and he's standing up for himself

- Lando speaking up about mental health the way he did, especially as a young male in a high performance sport, was amazing of him and I'm glad he's only been even more encouraged by his fellow drivers doing the same (the way he looked to Seb and Seb gave him that proud little nod as if to say 'we all know you've spoken out about it and that's great')

- His maturity when being asked about his long contract with McLaren, the conviction he has and the dedication to the team even when comments from interviewers have been doubtful - more of him sticking up for himself and his decisions

- His entire interview with Sky and George and Seb, and his little speech when asked about what Seb's done for him and the sport and young drivers - I was so so proud and emotional because he said about needing to find his voice and he is and he's done it on his own, not being babied to it, but he's grown as a person and done it himself

Don't be sorry, I've said I'm always open to lend ears to rants, but it's something I agree on. I may look at him and go "baby, baby boy, he's so cute" but there's the full acknowledgement that he's a grown man (pretty sure I've even spieled before about his evolution from 2019 Lando to now)

#lando norris #birb speaks

[scp-10000]

Massive Au

Yes, here I am again using this as my daily writing, and flexing my creative muscles on a fandom au instead of actually writing my own danmed book.  Oh well.

This is my Hermitcract, Empires, Truly Bedrock, Evo, 3rd/Last Life, Afterlife au that formed after I watched Gem’s Afterlife Sereis; Everyone has 1 life and 1 origin.  

-Since I ended on Martyn last post, let’s start with Netty.  She’s a bush baby standing about 2 and a half feet tall(or shorter than the 1 full block/meter I give to woodland creatures like the trash pandas) who nursed Martyn back to health in her treetop home when he first arived.  She also fought off Ly when Zlonathan sent her to go see what’s up with the new stranger who fell from the sky.  Netty made Ly to back off with her longsword skills.  

-Big B, Ren, and Shubble are dogs.  Not wolves, domestic dogs.  Or more like half feral dogs.  They don’t really need to live by villager civilizations, but it is easier.  It’s also easier to build a house over the existing village and put a window and a couch by the front door just for all 3 of them to bark at visitors.  There was also that one time Zloy corrupted them and made them netherhounds, dogs who can breath fire and cast horrable spells on prey.  Luckally Martyn kicked Zloy’s ass for that one and lifted uncorrupted them.

-Joey’s a reaper.  He was a regular villager before he died, but when he did a reaper gave Joey his job and screwed off to an afterlife not even Joey knows about.  Joey guides dead things to the afterlife they go to, and he does a decent job at it.  One thing he doesn’t enjoy about the job is seeing the ocasional undead thing crop up.

-There are two branches of Mentalist, those with powers like telekenesis, hypnosis, and mind reading, and those with the ability to physically absorb knowledge and beam it directly into peoples’ brains.  Hypno is the former, and Joe is the latter.  Hypno has no problem using his telekenesis and hypnosis to mess with people(ask xB, Keralis, or Jevin), but he’ll usually stay out of people’s minds.  The only exceptions he made were with Joe, who he later tried to force to sleep cause Joe hasn’t slept in days, and both the dragon gods, which caused a mental overload that Joe had to drain out.  Remember when I said Hypno tried to get Joe to sleep?  That didn’t work because on the simple factor Hypno’s branch of Mentalist can only use their mind reading powers on Joe’s branch.  Hypno’s self care telekenesis and hypnosis did not work on Joe.  However, they did work on Joey.  You see, Joe knows a way to avoid death that doesn’t involve becoming undead, and Joey’d kill to keep that secret.  Joe’s not decide what he wants to do with it, but one day he died.  Joey was this close to reaping him when Hypno came in and begged hypnotised Joey into not taking Joe.  And it worked.  Joey walked away, and when he was far enough Joe came back to life, and he was not able to be harvested that day.

-Since Hypno’s hypnosis is based both on looking him in the eyes and hearing his comands, it might not work so well on Jimmy.  Jimmy is a Warden who paints eyes on where eyes should be in an attempt to not scare people.  When Warden Jimmy was young, he lived in a cave closer to the surface.  One day while was playing he found the surface.  The young Warden tottled around experiencing the new sounds when he found an group of people who got scared of him and chased him deep into a cave...with an ancient city...where like 5 Wardens lived.  Needless to say the mob was slaughtered, and their life force was used to feed young Jimmy before he burrowed with the rest of his kind.  Wardens are incredible parents who regularly leave the cave to hunt for their children, pretty much always play with them, and will fight to the death for their young, and we’re talking the death of a creature that’s really hard to kill.  When Jimmy left his parents to find a habitat of his own, he met the Scott and friends and did not get a fraction of the respect his parents showered on him.

This next section is for nether creaturs who are now living on the overworld due to a massive ongoing disaster.  I want yall to guess what that disaster could be before I tell you about it.

-Silent was a piglin wandering the nether gathering gold.  Not once in his life would he have ever considered walking through a nether portal into the strange cold world.  However, the disaster showed up and he had to choose between death and the portal.  He went through the portal, and supprise it also had death.  He died and became a zombie piglin wandering around Zloy’s redstone basement.  Zloy just let him live there, and in about a week he understood redstone and made his first noise machine just to annoy Zloy.  Zloy wasn’t sure weather to be proud or annoyed.

-Joel and Tango are Blazeborn who both hate rain and half wisdom as a dump stat.  They also spooked each other one dark night in the woods and caused a massive forest fire, but that’s another story.  I would also be lying if I say “aside from that they’d be upstanding citizens”.  Tango will absolutely prank the hels out of people for messing with him, and Joel will mess with people just cause.  Despite the water, the overworld is more welcoming than the nether with the disaster still going on.  Tango discovered redstone and was left to his own devices, and Joel married Lizzy and swore he would help her take her thrown as the true trash panda ruler.

-Impy is a strange creature.  He’s an Impmallow, a little nether imp shaped like a squishmallow, and no one understans how he flutters around on his little wings.  He even looks adorable when he’s mad, with his little pout, stamping his little feet and waggling his little scorpion tail.  The only scary thing about him are the noises he makes.  Impy can mimic any noise he ever hears and makes custom noises a lot.  It’s almost like the little guy has a Goxlr in his throat.  Honestly, even without the disaster going on, he’d have a hard time living in the general nether cause of how many other things that would attack him for being small and cute, so living in the overworld is great for him.  It’s also funny watching them freak out whenever he sneaks up on them and makes weird noises.

Did you guess the nether disaster yet?  Well if you haven’t I’m gonna tell you.

-The nether disaster’s name is Xisumavoid.  X is a normal dude in the overworld, but his origin is based off The Doom Slayer.  He loves tea, curry, music, and having conversations, and he would not attack unprovoked in the overworld.  In the nether if you’re a nether mob or your origin is one, it’s on sight.  He will try and kill you.  He’s even been seen going after striders and impmallows, so being passive is not going to help.  He also regains health, armor durability, weapon durablity, and/or ammo after each kill, so there’s that.  

#3rd life smp #Minecraft Evolution #hermitcraft #empires smp #truly bedrock #nettyplays #bigbst4tz2 #rendog #shubble #joey graceffa #hypnotizd #joe hills #jimmy solidarity #silent whisperer #smallishbeans #tangotek #impulseSV #xisuma