#it makes me want to delete all my apps

[c-e-d-dreamer]

.

#truly the worst combination #is being mentally ill and also on your period #like I'm not even joking #I hate it #I would like to get off this ride #I don't need my brain telling me everyone hates me #telling me all my friends are pretending and don't really like me #telling me that every message is actually a backhanded comment #a dig or a vague or whatever #it's all about you Caty #everyone wants to ask you to leave but is too polite to actually say it #it makes me want to curl up and cry #it makes me want to delete all my apps #and go like full silent for however long #even if I know somewhere in the back of my mind that's illogical #anyways #enjoy these late night ramblings #I'm sure I'll delete this in the morning

[tangledinink]

clenches fist. finally sucked it up and ordered a new ipad...

#i splurged a tiny bit and got one with... one whole fucking tb of storage #my current one has 64gb #it is due for an update and i literally cannot fucking update it lmao i dont have the space #im running out of things i can delete. i literally have procreate and thats IT i have long ago deleted all other apps for the space #i mean i am still getting. like. a refurbed ipad thats like gen 3 or whatever its certainly not NEW #what am i the queen? #but considering i currently have a gen 1 i could literally get anything and it'd be a hell of an upgrade #i have enough money saved up from comms/patreon/kofi/etc on my paypal that i could literally purchase this w/o touching my bank acct #so like! if you have at any point over the past like six months donated subscribed or commissioned me!!! THANK YOU!!!!! #you have allowed me to afford a new ipad and continue making things ; w ; #and hopefully finally get to try out procreate dreams which i havent been able to touch yet fhrfrhf32fe #I REALLY WANNA TRY TO MAKE AN ANIMATIC FOR YALL..... #i thought abt asking for one for xmas but i dont want to wait and it would be a V expensive gift to ask for and also like #id rather just pick one out myself... than rely on my family picking out smth... so... you know. timing is what it is whatever #XMAS GIFT TO MYSELF #personal #txt posts

[kitsunecrows]

study break! 🍵 (read tags)

#it’s me i’m the one taking a much needed break from studying by doodling on my phone LOL #today marks my first year of being on tumblr :) #and although i had a whole thing planned #my ipad died #lol #and i’m still in public and kinda tired #but i still want to commemorate one of my first posts made on this account and by default my first drawing ever made on procreate #so notes app it is LOLLL #with my finger again #i might delete this and redo it later but. in the moment it feels just right :) #if you read all of this i love you #because by simply being here it fuels the inner kid in me that hesitated for years before ever posting my art #it’s silly yeah but #knowing there are communities out there that enjoy the same things i do with such curious creative passion #it reminds me that i don’t have to let go of the things that make me happy just for the sake of other ppl #so thank you for stopping by - for being here to enjoy the moment #yeehaw #kitsunecrows art #tododeku #tddk #todoizu #doodles #izutodo #midoroki #todoroki shouto #midorya izuku #notes app #bnha #mha #good luck!

[marsbotz]

good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff

ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]

#idk ill see how this goes but ive been like lurking here for a couple days and every time without fail it makes me feel shitty #may not be a permanent thing but i have a couple safeguards in place now to stop me from getting sooooo bad. i think #i deleted all the apps off my phone. which has helped a lot esp deleting insta for reels #and i actually made another blog for like if i ever go Cazy again. for like vents and stuff . altho if im not on social media at all it #shldnt be a prblem #i wont share that but u can ask for it if u want. tho unlikely ill post for a while idk #for the record my neocities has like nothing on it rn. its essentially a series of tests from when i started last yr #and got nowhere lollll.. but im hoping to have a lot of fun with it soon #lol this whole thing is a little stupid. and i feel bad but just know its all my own fault. my own issues etc #its happened b4 itll happen time and time again i think. so im just gonna part ways w it #from now on if im gonna overshare it has to be in a lengthy edited well written blog post !!!!!!!!!!! #oke. bye #i do actually have smth to post later on my rnm blog but whatevaaa #oh ill start up my queues again too

[moregraceful]

accidentally invented a new form of no bedtime called 11pm glass of emergency-c + 4pm latte + 8pm cup of black tea + 9pm cup of black tea

#the real question is can i go to church on less than 5 hours of sleep and still function lol #i unlocked my instagram bc church wouldn't stop tagging me to direct people to me for stuff but that meant i had to delete a bunch of pho #tos AND rewrite a bunch of captions for photos i didn't WANT to delete bc i was too mean to random sharks prospects #which is fine if it is u know the anonymity of tumblr but not public instagram where my church won't stop FULL NAMING AND TAGGING ME #''anonymity of tumblr'' i doxx myself on here like 80 times a day in front of more people than i went to college with #anyway my point is i was going through deleting all evidence of politics pens fandom and legal documents and i was like damn #my attitude towards my team SUCKS. i gotta be way less of a hater!!! #what did my prospects ever do wrong besides everything NOTHING. the system is BROKEN. i am sorry i will be so much nicer guys :( #also if u really want to be humbled. scrolling back to 2012 on your instagram and re-experiencing senior year of college. BAD #i've deleted i think everything that would reasonably get our nonprofit status pulled but what a horrific journey it was #two full hockey intermission periods of deleting shit plus another hour at home doing several more passes and then rewriting captions #so that some poor 21 year old prospect randomly searching their name doesn't see me full ass call their teammate cringe #their teammate IS cringe. but i love him. but the nuances are lost on instagram people don't understand these things they take everything #at face value #don't know why i just assigned shakir mukhamadullin they/them pronouns #i think i need to go lie in bed with a blanket over my head until i suffocate #this ALWAYS happens i get too hype about mackenzie blackwood and start listening to selena gomez and then it's like almost 3am and i'm just #fresno oilers.txt #oh and. a friend sent me screenshots of the girl she's been flirting with on a dating app and they are SOOOOO cute #i hope they make a good run of it i really do bc it was SO cute. living vicariously through episcopalian lesbians as one does #but then i was trying to figure out how to edit my dating app profile to dissuade chasers but still honeytrap guys who are tall enough #or athletic enough to pick the tangerines at the top of the tangerine tree. bc i couldn't reach this week #but there were still like god maybe 150 tangerines on the tree. i was like this could be feeding people but i'm TOO SHORT #and my life will be like this. FOREVER #icb the future of this garden is so psychologically burdensome that i'm having to build it into a dating app profile lol #well now that i'd treated this entire tag set as twitter for and hour and a half #time to go try to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and then wake up in [checks notes] four hours

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[sashimiyas]

.

#tw discourse #i’m gonna say an unpopular opinion once and then be on my way again #sometimes i see something on here that makes me upset and then i think #‘i really need to be on here less.’ but then i realize… i rarely use the app as it is #but writers love to say ‘we don’t get paid to write. we are not machines.’ all valid points #bc entitlement is frustrating. bc this is meant to be a community of natural engagement and interaction #i want to specify Natural #bc i see those same writers bash their followers for not like rbing or commenting #as if they are getting paid to follow the author! and that isn’t fair either #writers ask for grace when they are going through writers block or a difficult episode in their life #and our followers cannot ask for the same? sometimes we do not feel like reading. and let’s admit it. not every post will be a banger #and that should be fine too. no one should be guilted to interact with anyone #and i think my whole discomfort with using this site lately is how every interaction is being policed #like do we not assume good intentions anymore? can we not assume that someone is rbing without tags but will put something in later #when they do get a chance to read it? or that they are liking because they want to read it but just dont have the time yet? #anyways. i’ll probably come back to delete this #but man. anyone who follows me. i want you to know that i will do my best to never try and make you feel bad for choosing how to interact #with this blog. outside of not responding to my inbox bc that’s just been difficult for me lately. #please have a comfortable experience and go about this stupid little hellhole in peace #don’t feel coerced to interact with me unless you want to. don’t apologize to me for not having reached out to me in a while #it’s okay. please have your fun in any way you want #i say this bc before being a writer i am a reader

[shinakazami1]

Sup TSP (TSPUD) fandom owo

I have these bad boys saved for a while and I finally want to share but gosh, all the AUs people share on here are so fantastic

I'm planning to share something of my own soon and fern is an important part of it so stay tuned!

For now hav sum pics of Stanley with the bucket

#tsp stanley #tsp bucket #tspud #the stanley parable #stanley parable #bucket #stanley #my doodles #ohohoho #i have big plans #and i have some headcanons I want to share #I prob should do it here cus imma procrastinate #but like #being told by narrator that fern is an important part of adventure line #made me have some big ideas #and the fact bucket is the comfort thing #ohohoh eheheh ihii #i need to make myself d r a w #but after my phone art app deleted all of my files #and ive been stuck in exam session #i am even less inspired to do anything #hopefully this will change

[teethpaste]

Okay but like does my dream man exist. If I could be like Dr frankenfurter and create a man in a lab I would have the following characteristics:

- Does NOT want kids (I am tired of fence sitters, I strongly want to be DINK)

- does NOT want to be poly/ENM

- has a mustache

- has a 9-5 or some sort of stable job with stable income and the ability to take off days for vacation / work remotely (I want someone to be able to travel with me! Like this year I’ve done Hawaii, San Diego, DC, Tokyo, Ireland and later this year I have Arizona. Dublin again, Amsterdam, Vienna and NYC! I want someone who wants to travel with me)

- ideally 5’11 or above bc I am 5’11

- not a bartender / film industry

- not religious

- no conservative/ alpha male type bullshit

- no active substance abuse issues

Or am I gonna b single forever lol

#deleted the apps for now #I like my situationship so much #and he’s tall and doesn’t want kids and isn’t poly #but he’s film industry and bartends in the side #and after my last 4 year relationship I swore I wouldn’t date industry again #our lifestyles and availability are too conflicting #plus being with him puts me around cocaine every weekend #which I’m not doing #and I won’t do again #but doesn’t make recovery easy #so actually he checks all of my boxes besides film industry and substance abuse #he himself doesn’t have an abuse problem but it’s who his friends are #also we constantly drink together which is fine but I’m tired of it #we’re gonna do a sober Sunday date and I’ll see how that goes

[nataliekabra]

ilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriend

#i just had to get it out #i can't believe i was ready to let her go this time last year. she's so everything to me #and yes i am posting on this blog because ive blocked most of my irls here #she keeps calling me like twice a day to check in on me. like literally between her classes #and i dont think id want to talk to most people but just hearing her voice makes me so happy #okay im not going to ramble anymore here because (surprise!) i have half a semesters syllabus to study for my midsem tomorrow from scratch #i will do everything except study. tumblr and i have this like codependent relationship #guys im supposed to be off tumblr until my exams because i have literally never been this behind on acads my whole life #its not my fault im an addict i swear i deleted the app and everything ok im on my laptop rn #if you see this no you didnt #also our anthropology midterm was a case study on tumblr it took all my self restraint not to come back here and scream about it #UGH GO STUDY KAVYA #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com #nini🌺

[like-butterflies-and-glitter]

i generally hate my experience on dating apps but nothing makes me want to beat up a certain kind of man more than the ones who feel comfortable commenting really weirdly forward stuff on my photos because i am wearing black lipstick...

#vidhik.txt #it makes me want to throw up #and delete the apps but also i have a problem where i will download them again and probably not go on more than 2 dates at all #if with the same person even i dont think i have ever been on a second date #one of them was unfortunately because i was sick and we are still in touch but i dont think long distance is my thing so

[bunn-iiii]

thanks tik tok for causing the worst paranoid breakdown I've had in about two years

#i love tik tok almost consistently making me paranoid to extreme lengths every other month #i never asked for this. #i never wanted that kind of content. #i never looked it up or liked it #i want to be able to block tag there cause making me feel so unsafe that i can't even shower isn't fucking okay #but i still really want to see all of the edits there and see what my mutuals post #but if this fucking continues I'll probably delete the app or something #or at least never scroll on it just keep it around to look at my saved posts #tw paranoia #tw vent

[digyoman]

thinking about earlier this year and even last year when i was so deeply hyperfixated on lloyd & he was all i could think about and yet i barely shared any of my thoughts on here. i kind of want to kick myself about it now actually because i know i had so many things to say and so much i wanted to do but i never made it happen. why was i a coward.

#raaghhh i’m just so disappointed in myself :( #it would’ve been so cool to have those posts to look back on now!!! #technically i still can because it’s all rotting in my notes app. but that’s not as fun. #and it’s not even really about that it’s more like. knowing there’s so much that i’ve missed out on #i never shared any of my writing here (despite saying that i would like. 5 million times!) because i was so so scared of it being perceived #so i never got to experience what it’s like to get feedback!! #and then there’s the lloyd roleplay blog that i’ve wanted to make since very early 2021…. #i got so close to doing it last year and i put literal hours of effort into the blog but then i just. decided not to use it. #and i think that makes me the most sick because like. how many interactions do you think i missed out on?? #maybe it wouldn’t have gone anywhere. maybe it would’ve sucked and died immediately but i’d never know unless i tried!!! #and now i’ll never know. #‘just do it now’ well you see. I Am Still Scared :) #idk i just find it so difficult to put myself out there #even in a fandom that has a grand total of five people 💀 #but i am thinking about it!!! and that should count for something #anyway wow i can ramble! #if you read all this…. hi :) #i’ll probably delete this later but it was good to get it off my chest!

[theclosetedskeleton]

my first period teacher after assigning a 50 question pretest to my class at 8am in the morning

#I HAVE TWO PRETESTS TO DO NOW ONE IN MATH AND ONE IN HISTORY/GEOGRAPHY/WHATVER THE GOD DAMN CLASS WANTS TO BE CALLED #GRAHHH #i have 10 minutes to finish it today but im only like halfway done 👼👼 #ANYWAYS #WHATEVER** GOD I HATE THE TUMBLR APP FOR NOT ALLOWING ME TO GO BACK AND EDIT MY TAGS #WITHOUT MAKING ME DELETE ALL PREVIOUS TAGS GRAHH #closet rambles again on tumblr

[ghostbeam]

Hey. Just watched the trigun finale

#trigun Spoilers #trigun stampede spoilers #in the tags cause I wanna talk about some of it for a sec ajsjjsjsjsjs #I literally had to delete the app from my phone today cause I didn’t want spoilers #so many thoughts head full ummmmmm vash’s hair first and foremost #the noggin is needling!!!!!! #also????? what the FUCK the animation blew me away like #it has the whole season but holy shit #I will have more like coherent thoughts later but right now all I can think of is vash biting nai🫶 #also Meryl I love u so much u are my forever girl #who is doing it like her I want to die #also if vash can have his hair back wolfwood get his entire old character design back #I literally will not question a thing make him hot again #anyways that is all I have to scream #ghost thoughts

[floral-hex]

lol as soon as I match with someone on tinder, I delete the app because I’m a scaredy cat and don’t want to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known 😅

#I just wanna kiss! #I don’t want to date or meet someone new! #I want to already know you and have inside jokes and already feel comfortable around you! #very realistic #girl looked really cute so I’ll try to focus on feeling flattered than feeling shitty that I chickened out #I’m just a silly lil guy who can’t talk to strangers to save his life I don’t know what to tell ya 🤷🏻‍♂️ #this is the last post about it I promise #deleted the account. deleted the app. #my life is just… ugh such a mess that I really just… I can’t go and do much of anything #my profile basically said I just want to get late-night slushees and make-out and that’s literally about all I can do at this point 😬 #which sounded good but I realized I don’t want to do small talk about my shitty life and feel like I’m convincing them I’m worth their time #even if it’s just a few hours of awkward groping and messy kissing I want them to actually want me #aaaand I just can’t reconcile that maybe someone actually might want me. at least not some stranger who only knows me from a few pictures #I have such a hard time believing I’m worth all the trouble #it’ll be okay 😬 #a little yearning is good for you #which must mean a lotta yearning is great! #blegh #dating apps suck #meeting anyone in general sucks #everything just sucks #or it doesn’t and I’m just being shitty… #you can ignore this #take it sleazy #text