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#it is NOTHING different from what i normally do. just slightly more frequent
mars-ipan · 4 months
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GODDD.
#marzivents#to preface. i am SLIGHTLY buzzed. as in i have had a single mimosa almost an hour ago#today there has been a… weird??? energy with the family??#my mom and dad are on two different frequencies today but like they’re managing so whatever#my brother and i have been normal i suppose#but we’ve been all together for a little bit to celebrate the new uear and such#clock hits 12. we celebrate. everybody has One mimosa. not a lot at all#that buzz hits me and i’m hanging out. i’m feeling good!#my brother says something or other and we start the motions of one of our go-to sibling disagreements you know the type#and my mother cuts me off says like ‘let’s all relax’ or whatever. i didn’t feel that angry but like?? sure? fine whatever#we stop and i move on. once again not a huge deal to me#then my dad does smth or other. my mom’s been razzing him all day so i decide alright i will also razz him. a little lighthearted teasing#it is NOTHING different from what i normally do. just slightly more frequent#and my dad goes ‘i can’t have an opinion on anything huh?’ and i- committed to the bit- go ‘no <3’ with a smile on my face#like i am simply wanting to fuck around!! the way you do with friends! that is all i am doing!#i get in some other thing with my brother for like .2 seconds before my mom tells us to ‘stop fighting’ again. alright cool#this sort of thing continues. and the air in the room becomes super tense for some goddamn reason???#eventually my dad heads to the garage and my brother follows. while they’re gone my mom tells me i need to cool it and i’m being aggressive#i???? huh???? what???#i was gonna turn to HER and crack a joke like ‘how do you get them to understand that loud doesn’t mean angry?’#because that’s an issue SHE has all the damn time! i was gonna turn to her and bond! but she says that before i can even start to#so my attempt to ease the remaining tension in the room is dead on arrival. in fact the room is even TENSER#maybe it was the champagne or smth but it just fucking got to me. i shut up and turn away and start trying to collect myself#i’m realizing two things. 1- my emotions are less in my control right now and i cannot collect myself here. 2- I Need To Fucking Scream#so i silently pack up and head to my room. my mom knows better and asks no questions#as i was typing this post my brother walks in. i shoo him out without words but he tries to ask questions so i just repeat until he gets it#i feel fucking insane. what the fuck did i DO???? i literally was just fucking razzing. i do that all the time#and sure. i was louder. and yeah it was probably slightly more razzing than i normally would. but i DO NOT FUCKING GET how those two things#would cause as MUCH of a reaction as they did!!! like. i . hello???#the rest is in the replies bc i am out of tags but i am not out of feelings
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silverflqmes · 1 month
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Hai!! I was wondering if you’d be able/want to/feel comfortable with writing a nsfw cloud x reader? Maybe something sweet, like their first time together as a couple. If you don’t like the request is fine ! I hope you’re having a great day :]
໒⦂ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.
notes. hi anon, i have not written nsfw in some centuries so i hope this is decent cuz i definitely lost my touch😭 i wrote the reader as female since that’s what i’m used to writing, given i’m.. well, a girl😵‍💫 hope that’s okay with you</3
genre. nsfw + fluff
tw. virginity loss, hand job, fingering, riding, slight uh pillow princess cloud in the beginning..
disclaimer. uncomfortable with smut or younger than 17? please dni.
cloud strife x fem!reader
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it was quarter to midnight and the blond still could not find it in himself to sleep. not that he ever could, anyway.. but since he’d gotten with you, sleep came just a little more easily and the nightmares became less frequent.
tonight, however, was a slightly different case.
“cloud..” you mumbled sleepily, lifting your head from his back when you felt him shift against your hold. “still can’t sleep?”
remembering your presence, he blinked in the darkness, feeling your hand on his stomach, which he gently took ahold of, kissing the back of it. “sorry, having a hard time..” he paused to think of a vague excuse, if only to mask his embarrassment. “getting um, comfortable, right now.. nothing to do with you, though.”
his cheeks were twinged with pink under the sliver of moonlight that spilled into your shared bedroom through the curtains, but thankfully hidden from your stare.
while he had said it was strange for him to be the ‘little spoon’, part of him was grateful that he was now..
a pout came to your lips as you urged him to turn over, but he wouldn’t budge — adamant on not being seen. something was.. off. really off.
“cloud, come on- you can tell me. you know i won’t judge you for whatever reason that’s preventing you from sleeping.” you assured, smoothing the hand he wasn’t holding over his arm, comfortingly.
he shuddered unknowingly at the touch, hyper aware of your proximity to him — the way your body had pressed against his back and your light breathing on his neck now.
the fabric confinements constricted in protest, and he willed himself not to make any noises that gave away his sensitivity. why did it have to hit him tonight so suddenly? was it that lack of battling, with his arch nemesis no longer threatening the planet?
“i-it’s nothing.” he shook his head, attempting to steady his tone, but his facade was faltering. “just.. go back to bed, i should fall asleep in a moment or — a-aah.. aaah.”
panic crossed your features at the noise he made as you let go him within seconds, finally catching a glimpse of his expression to see he was not wincing out of agony.. but of pleasure?
curiously, your eyes slid down to his lower half to find him squeezing his legs together for dear life. oh.
“c-cloud, are you — ”
“yes-! fuck, i am..” he breathed out, turning his head to hide his shame in the pillow, but you turned him back over without harming him, pursing your lips together.
“y’know,” you began, heaving a sigh. “you could’ve just said you were feeling things- it’s a normal thing.. instead you had me thinking you had a bad dream again or something.” you shook your head, relief washing over you despite your scolding.
the former mercenary kept his gaze elsewhere, grumbling quietly under his breath. “it’s not so easy to say ‘i’m horny, do something about it’. feels awkward, okay.”
you found yourself rolling your eyes before you pushed yourself up, lavender colored sheets sliding off your body as you moved to situate yourself between his legs. “i suppose it’s blunt, but i don’t mind it. we’ve been together for over a year now.. and have known each other for several more.” you reminded him tenderly, leaning down to peck his lips softly. “if you needed ever needed to.. indulge.. i’m more than willing to do so, at your consent.”
cloud found himself shuddering at the words that spilled over his rosy appendages, rouge splashing across his his nose and cheeks at your boldness. while you had been confident, in contrast to how he behaved and presented himself.. this was a side he had yet to see from you — and goodness.
“but- it’s late..” he muttered back, aware that you had to wake up early to help tifa out at seventh heaven by daybreak. it was tedious work and he knew you weren’t one for getting up at first light.. cutting into your sleep felt criminal.
however your expression seemed unchanging, having made up your mind already, from what he concluded.
“and?” you pressed, hovering over his face. “i won’t be that long, and besides — we live in a society where coffee exists.” you reminded him, clicking your tongue before placing a hand on his hip. “i’ll be fine.”
his back nearly arched at the light caress, but he forced himself to be completely still, eyeing you with furrowed brows for a moment longer before exhaling. “are you.. sure about this?”
a quiet laugh tumbled past your lips as a knowing smile crossed your lips. “would i be offering to help if i wasn’t?”
it was a fair point, and although cloud wanted to continue denying himself for the sake of you getting rest.. he found himself succumbing to his intrusive thoughts the more he stared up at you.
“i guess not.” the blond concurred after a brief silence on his end, averting his mako tinted hues. “you’re not gonna let this go, are you?”
the eager shake of your head was enough of an answer as he closed his eyes in defeat. “okay, fine.. just take it easy on me, it’s..” he paused, pursing his lips together.
“your first time?” you finished in a hum before letting out a giggle when he didn’t answer. “it’s okay, i thought so.” you assured him, hooking your thumbs onto the waistband of his boxer briefs. “if it gets too much, you can tell me.”
a nod of confirmation was all that was needed for you to fully tug down his undergarments, a hiss leaving your lover’s lips as the frigid air caressed his most intimate part.
gingerly, you wrapped your hands around his shaft, never missing the gasp he failed to suppress as you pumped him slowly.
cloud’s hand flew to cover his mouth, eyes squeezing tighter as wave of ecstasy washed over him — gradually erasing the previous discomfort he’d felt.
in all his years, other than that massage back at the wall market of sector six, he’d never been touched in a way like this. a manner that sent bolts and sparks of pleasure down his spine, electrifying him in every possible way.
but the spiky haired male was too shy to ask for help on the rare occasions that he’d found himself pent up. all that fighting quelled any need for sexual release.. but now, with little to no battles to partake in these days, those late nights he’d spend away on deliveries were often occupied by his hand.
“f-fuck, y/n..!” he breathed out, feeling his legs tremble from the pleasure you had created.
you continued at an even pace, sliding your attention back over to boyfriend’s features when he called your name out. “does it feel good?” the answer was abundantly clear, though you felt the need to ask, anyway. couldn’t hurt to be safe.
he nodded his head rapidly, flushed skin glimmering under the glow of the moon. “ngh- f-faster, a-aaah~ please..” he whispered back pleadingly, tears gathering at the corners of his lashes.
it was truly a sight to behold — a part of cloud no one else had witnessed but you. and you had been the reason for his expressions, the noises he made — his reactions.. all of it was by your work.
wanting him to reach his high, to see the stars you had hoped he would see on your first time together, you quickened your ministrations, rolling your thumb over his tip. it was a little adventurous, but his moans was all the encouragement you needed to continue.
in an attempt to address your own aching heat, you slipped two fingers into the thin fabric of your panties, dragging them over your aching bundle of nerves before sliding them into your entrance.
a prolonged sigh escaped your lips, feeling your walls loosen around your fingers with each thrust while your partner became undone at the mixture of his own euphoria and the mere sight of you.
it made him strangely jealous, as he wanted to be the one to please you.
with a shaky breath, he reached down into the drawer of his nightstand for a familiar packet, carefully tearing it open when your breathing transitioned into panting.
you hadn’t even noticed that the self proclaimed ex-SOLDIER removed your hand from his cock, nor had you caught sight of him sliding a condom over himself.
no, it wasn’t until he grabbed your hips and brought you forward that you’d removed your hands at the brush of his tip against your clit, grasping ahold of his shoulders as a whine left your lips. “h-haahh~ cloud..” you drawled out in a needy beg, arching your back just slightly.
and that was all he needed to take you at last, sheathing himself slowly into your warmth.
he brought you impossibly closer to him at the squeeze of you against him, a staggered pant spilling past his appendages as he buried his face into your neck. “s-shit — was that too much?”
“n-no!” you refuted a little louder than planned, shaking your head. “j-just, one second.. a-and you can move..”
despite his worry, he took your word for it, exhaling lowly as he felt you shift.
with another sigh, you rested your chin on his shoulder, allowing yourself to nod. “o-okay, i’m good..”
cloud took it as a sign to continue as he pulled out slowly before plunging back into your core at an equal pace, steadily falling into an appropriate rhythm.
the stars you had thought of before in regards to cloud’s pleasure entered your vision at last when he nailed that special spot of yours.
“a-aahh~! cloud-!”
your whines and cries of his name was fueling enough to continue hitting that same spot, feeling you crash down on him harder.
“almost.. t-there..” he reassured you quietly, and perhaps even himself as well.
the knot coiling in your stomach was on the verge of snapping, one thrust away from unraveling completely.
in light of that, cloud captured your lips in a climatic kiss, swallowing your cries of elation when you met your end at last.
covered in a sheen of sweat, the blond gave you two more thrusts before removing himself from your dipping heat, allowing you to collapse against him.
his breath was far from even, yours no better than his own as he gazed up at the ceiling, eyes half lidded. “we should.. probably clean up..”
a tired laugh escaped you, having put together several other phrases he could have started with.. but then you reminded yourself that this was cloud strife — your very awkward, but adorable boyfriend.
“don’t w-worry,” you assured, sucking in another dose of air. “we will..”
notes. good grief i haven’t written smut in ages, i hope this was decent.. i feel like i’ve lost my touch😔 but wishing you a great day too, anon! along with anyone else reading this filth🫡
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saerins · 2 months
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PREV: #003 THE FIRST RIPPLE 𖧧 #004 THIS SPARK, IS IT REAL? 𖧧 NEXT: #005 THE ICE SURRENDERS ꒰ series masterlist ꒱
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꒰ঌꨄ︎໒꒱ — there’s a lot you don’t understand about what’s going on with sae, but he can say the same about you. question is, once you both find out more about each other, will your growing feelings stay the same?
content: itoshi sae x female reader. fluff/angst. profanity, alcohol, reader is fairly straightforward here, pining, jealousy, misunderstandings. word count: 5.8k
༝༚༝༚ slightly shorter chapter this week ^_^ hehe we’re getting closer to the messier/exciting parts so bear with me heh :) mwah ily guys <3
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you’re starting to learn that maybe you can’t get your hopes up with itoshi sae.
a week later, you don’t hear anything from him. you both haven’t spoken since that night he took you out. not that you’re entirely too bothered—it’s a first for you, trying to get to know someone as in-demand as sae. (you don’t count eita because you’ve known him since before the fame.)
it doesn’t help that you don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. you promised sae that you wouldn’t spill, and you’re keeping that promise. somehow, it makes you feel a little warm inside; thinking that there is some sort of intimacy you share with sae that only the two of you know.
besides, even if you could talk to eita about it, you don’t want to. 
is it too quick for you to think you might fall for him?
falling for someone isn’t really in your life plans yet, especially after your last and only tumultuous relationship, but maybe itoshi sae is different. he sure seems like it.
the next week rolls around, and you still hear nothing from him. which is fine with you; you’ve resigned yourself to thinking what’s yours will be yours and not to force anything… even if you spend most of your idle time wondering if sae is ever going to post anything on his private account. did he really just create it solely because you asked him to?
you can see that he logs in to it, judging by his icon on that little viewer list in your stories. but that’s the extent to which you see him online. he doesn’t reply, or do anything much. considering his normal account is probably mainly run by his team, you guess you shouldn’t expect too much from him.
still, maybe it’s a little pathetic of you to be wearing his cap so frequently. it’s sort of become a staple piece for you, somehow. to be fair, there’s hardly any dress code in place for you to follow and considering the bulk of your workwear is mostly casual, it fits right into your style. although, after sumi pointed out one day that it’s a luxury brand and that it costs more than you would personally ever spend on a cap (even if you had the means to), you try to wear it less often. (though that seems like a waste considering it was given to you.)
“you know, you gave the boss a really good scoop, enough to last for a few months,” sumi points out during lunch, taking a lick of her vanilla ice cream as the both of you sit out on the roof, escaping the cramped office. “so why do you look so stressed?”
honestly, you didn’t even realise you did. you thought you were being normal, but it has been a while since you had a normal crush on someone, and since itoshi sae is certainly not just a normal somebody, maybe you had been acting a little off, always waiting for a text, a call even, something.
“nothing, i just haven’t been able to get a good sleep lately,” you lie, hoping that sumi won’t pry.
she doesn’t.
“hm, it’s friday today,” she hums, pondering. “maybe you should find a few of your friends, get out, let loose, you know?”
later at your desk, the clock almost striking 5pm, you think maybe you should. because as much as you love your chill friday nights alone (mainly because your mom is barely home on the weekends), you don’t think it’ll do you much good if you keep mulling over the same old thing.
but just as you’re about to go pester eita again, he gets to you first, his timing impeccable today.
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there’s an aching disappointment in your chest when you realise sae isn’t going to be there. maybe it’s just the glaring difference between the life of a celebrity versus someone normal like you. his schedule must usually be packed to the brim after all.
whatever, you’ll let him come back to you on his own time. for now, all you want to do for the weekend is to spend it having fun with the guys and settling everything you need to on saturday and spend sunday to yourself.
this possible thing between you and sae, whatever it could be, can wait. you’re not in any rush. at least, that’s what your head tells you.
your heart feels something different.
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it’s only the second time you’re actually hanging out with eita’s friends, but you’re not regretting it one bit. even on the day of the event they’d been welcoming to you, and tonight is no exception.
they’re all sat around the wooden table on the balcony, a ton of beer cans and liquor bottles littered across the table. you sit on the long end, on the long chair, right beside eita, sides of your bodies always pressed close together that it makes a glint form in oliver’s eyes.
he’s still curious, not out of concern but just because, about you and eita and sae and how everything is going to tie together. it’s not everyday he sees eita being okay with a girl that close to him and not complain that she’s a bother. it’s also not everyday that sae creates a private account. oliver got bored and saw one day that you were the first person he followed.
you must really be something.
“where even is sae today?” you hear sendou ask, a hiccup following suit. “i finally come over and he’s not even here.”
he’s sitting on your other side, his profile strangely reminding you of the very guy he’s asking about. maybe it’s the way his hair is a lighter shade of pink, maybe even his sharp jawline. his eyes are different though, more expressive, and universally soft somehow.
you remember how sae’s can look soft, his teal eyes turning gentle whenever you try to approach him. but it wasn’t that way when you first met him, that’s a given.
“i don’t know, said he was too tired,” oliver sighs, stretching in his seat.
“wasn’t he just with bianca yesterday?” yukimiya asks, oblivious to oliver’s glee.
it kind of stings, but you stay quiet, the alcohol slowly seeping into your system. you can feel eita leaning against you a little bit more, and his presence has always been comforting, so you let him.
sendou hums, index finger tapping against his near-empty beer can. “is that still going on? how long has their relationship status been a mystery already?”
karasu snorts, nudging sendou on the elbow. “salty just ‘cause you tried to ask her out and she rejected you?”
as you sit quietly and observe, it seems that sendou was once at an event with her too—apparently, he had asked her for her number and she didn’t even want to give it to him. and then a month later she “met sae and was all over him”, according to karasu.
with the exception of eita, who sits quietly beside you, they start a debate on whether or not sae’s finally starting to see bianca in a different light. or, as sendou points out, “maybe they’ve been a thing all along and just hid it really well from everyone.” it’s not exactly something you want to listen to, even if you are the most curious you’ve ever been about a guy, so you block it out from your ears. 
but oliver leans forward, resting his chin on the liquor bottle in front of him, staring straight at you. you’ve never really noticed it but his eyes are really beautiful, the different shades of green and purple making him seem ethereal just like that. 
“you’re a girl, y/n, what do you think?” he asks you, a lazy drawl in his tone.
mirroring his actions, you bat your eyelashes at him, looking innocent as ever when you answer him. “i think you guys should stop talking about that her behind her back like that,” you say, earning a raise of oliver’s brows in return. he’s surprised, to say the least, but not in a bad way.
it’s not even that you don’t want to hear about her. you’re wantonly curious, especially since you’re beginning to realise your small hint of emotions towards sae, but something tells you that these guys wouldn’t be too kind with their words if you egg them on.
karasu gives you a nod of approval that you miss before he leans back in the chair, whispering to yukimiya, “at least we all know shidou won’t totally hate y/n.” but it’s too soft for you to hear, and you probably won’t even be able to make sense of it even if you did, not with the gradually increasing level of alcohol in your system.
between intentionally drinking to not be a pathetic mess who keeps thinking about her potential love life and having to drink because you’re usually good at drinking games but not when oliver is around with the way he keeps beating you at everything, you happen not to notice a lot of things.
at one point, oliver has replaced sendou next to you, whispering snarky comments in your ear in between games. he’s not the flirting kind, at least not to you, and he doesn’t push your boundaries physically either—he’s more akin to a friend you’d love to gossip with. that’s why you don’t even think much when he tilts his camera towards you, taking a selfie with both you and eita in it.
just a normal picture of friends hanging out, oliver leaning against your legs, propped up on the chair, your own head leaning into the crook of eita’s neck, all of you evidently tipsy from the dazed look in your eyes.
what neither of you notice is oliver’s smirk as he posts the picture onto his private, betting on his target audience of one to see it.
and now, he’ll just have to wait.
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one hour later, the doorbell rings and yukimiya’s eyes glance over to eita, comfortable with an arm around you, and he takes it as his cue to open the door. eita’s probably too reluctant to move and he’ll let whoever it is at the door keep at it for hours before he’ll answer the poor guy.
he’s expecting some random food delivery, maybe from karasu because he’s been whining about wanting some chicken with his beer, or maybe even shidou showing up at the last minute from his other party. but this? the person he’s staring at in the eyes right now, is the last person he expected to see tonight. 
“wait, i thought you weren’t coming?” yukimiya asks, but oliver’s already shouting from the balcony.
“hey, sae, what the fuck are you doing here?” he asks from the balcony, taking a swig of his beer.
beside him, you hear sae’s name and your head immediately whips around to look at the door. there he is, looking tired as ever but he’s there, in the flesh, dressed in all black, jacket and sweats, teal eyes finding you from all the way across the house.
sae wordlessly walks past yukimiya, the latter following behind him, still shocked that he’s even present. sure looks like sae always means it when he says he wouldn’t come to gatherings like these.
when he gets to the balcony, earning a cock of oliver’s brow, sae tilts his head, “i was invited, wasn’t i? what’s so surprising about that?”
oliver snickers at sae’s blatant avoidance of the question. deciding he wouldn’t get anything out of him anyway, he shrugs and accepts it. besides, he can already see that sae’s too busy trying to calculate if there’s enough space for him to sit beside you, with the way his eyes are scanning your surroundings. maybe it doesn’t help how eita’s so clingy with you, his arm still around you even when you’ve already straightened up.
both sae and eita are just staring blankly at each other, and everyone is aware of it except for you, because your head’s a little dizzy and you’re still thinking whether sae popping up here is a figment of your imagination.
you’re not that drunk, are you?
you get your answer when a shadow looms over your body, the familiar scent of his cologne wafting into your nose. he smells the same he did that night you kissed him.
“what, this seat taken?” sae asks, and you dumbly look down at the small edge of space beside you.
no, it’s not, but you’re probably going to have to squeeze between him and eita if he sits there, no more legroom. you shift anyway, eita making space (albeit reluctantly), the way sae ends up being so close to you enough to send your mind into overdrive. you’re still wondering why he showed up.
you, and everyone else. not oliver though. he knows why. and it’s not like he wants to intentionally make you cough out your feelings but it looks like the other guys who are oblivious to your feelings are steering in that direction. 
“no bianca today?” karasu asks, a mocking tone in his voice.
sae doesn’t show an ounce of emotion, though. “wasn’t with her.”
“why not? scared we’re gonna make you two make out again like last time?” yukimiya asks, finally relaxing back in his seat. he says it jokingly, although you know the sentence at hand probably isn’t a joke.
“wait wait wait, you two made out?” sendou asks, incredulous, mirroring your exact thoughts. 
a jealousy creeps up your spine, engulfing your alcohol-riddled distractions. some part of you wants to know what it’d be like to be kissed by him. you purse your lips into a firm line, wondering if you were being an accidental homewrecker by kissing him that night.
“it was just a game,” sae responds, making no moves to drink the beer handed to him.
eita pulls his arms away, moving in favour of getting you a drink. it’s not that he even knows anything that’s going on between you and sae, but he can tell by how you’re stiffening up that you’re probably a little affected. he slides a shot over to you, and you down it with ease.
ignoring the way the other guys keep harping on the topic, sae turns his attention to you, flicking the tip of the cap he gave you, and you shift your gaze to look up at him, the small smirk he gives you when you do making your heart flutter again.
why is it so easy for him to do that to you?
“haven’t sold my cap yet?”
you thank the heavens you’re not too tipsy to be normal. “i’m holding out for higher bids, actually,” you quip, grinning. “you can offer one too if you want it back.”
sae hums, head tilted again as he ponders while staring at you. slowly, he leans down to your ear, whispering so only you can hear him, “how much do i have to bid for you to keep it?”
maybe it’s the liquor, but you feel your cheeks heat up. it can’t be his close proximity. it can’t be the way he’s so close that you can see the beating pulse on his neck. it can’t be the way you think you look more intimate here than you should. definitely can’t be the way all the guys have noticed and are giving each other looks.
why does he even want you to keep it? is this some sort of abstract way that he’s using to tell you that you’re not an accidental homewrecker?
you make a mental reminder to yourself to never get drunk in front of sae. you don’t want to end up blurting out some less-than-decent thoughts of yours.
“what’s wrong? too tipsy now to talk back?” sae asks, and you can only pout at him, not in your usual condition to think of smart comebacks. it makes the corner of his lips tug upwards just a little bit more than usual, his hand coming up to teasingly push the cap down further—in that seemingly affectionate way he does.
and maybe it isn’t such a good idea to agree to continue to play games, not when you got roped into never have i ever and karasu, to the delight of oliver, said he has never fucked anyone at this table. seeing that only you and eita put a finger down, everyone can tell there’s probably a complicated history between you and eita. not that you owe them any explanation, though you kind of do feel the urge to tell sae that it was in the past.
you steal a glance at him beside you, the mild look of surprise befallen on his handsome face. you wonder if he thinks badly of you now. you wonder if he’ll think badly of you when he sees what your life is really like. will he think you’re just going to be a stain on his fancy life that it’ll be better off not knowing you?
or maybe… maybe he has a complicated past too. with bianca.
funnily enough, eita loses after yukimiya says he’s never had sex with more than five girls. the disappointing part is you didn’t really get to know anything interesting about sae.
“hey, you feeling okay? you can stop playing if you wanna,” sae tells you later on, after god knows how many minutes have passed and you’re already onto the next game. you don’t even know why you agreed to play two truths one dare in the first place when you know it’ll just be a shitshow for you. 
over the course of x minutes, you’d managed to learn many things, some of which being that karasu and eita had shared a girl in bed, that yukimiya dared to do a body shot on oliver, that sae would consider bianca an important person to him, and that you really can’t make up your mind to go big or go home because oliver had just dared you to spend seven minutes in heaven with anyone of your choosing.
of course, you can safely choose eita and trust him not to do anything if you told him to. but on the flip side, you can choose who you really want. even if you’re not so sure he’d want to anymore.
“you can always choose me,” oliver jokes, lifting the mood. although the smirk on his face makes you question it. “i’ll definitely show you a good time.”
while you’re having an internal dilemma, karasu and sendou are in the background teasing oliver for being fake, saying that he shouldn’t be offering that if he’s already interested in miss manager.
but you snap out of it when the irritated sigh you hear out of sae somehow feels like the world is sending you a sign. in some way. you’re not sure if you’re reaching—is he bothered by oliver’s comments? and why does oliver look so smug all of a sudden?
you’re beginning to regret not being sober, you can’t figure this shit out. but what you do figure out is what you want to do. why think so much about tomorrow when the present is right here?
so you don’t pay it any more thoughts, getting up and dragging sae with you by the shirt, ignoring all the commotion left behind by the guys, save for eita who only stares blankly at you as you drag sae into his own room and lock the door.
“oh shit, sorry dude, didn’t mean to—”
“for the last time, just friends,” otoya snaps, cutting karasu off, although not even sendou believes him. for someone who doesn’t even care to treat people nicely, sendou can at least see that eita treats you a fair bit better than anyone else.
in the room, sae can only watch blankly as you stumble over your feet before finally settling on the edge of otoya’s bed. the envious, green side of him can’t help but wonder how many times you’d been here, in his room, with him. though it’s kind of amusing how you chose to bring sae in here now.
from what sae can tell, you’re probably a little more tipsy than you should be in these types of situation, and a part of him is relieved that you’re not here with anyone else. if you were here with otoya, would you be fooling around by now?
“so, thought you were too tired to show up—what happened?” you ask from where you are on the bed, body swaying slightly, eyes threatening to close.
the moment he takes a seat next to you, you lean close, your head coming to rest on his shoulder, and sae has no doubt that you’d already drank a lot before he came. proximity this close, he can smell the shampoo in your hair, can feel how soft it is.
“i couldn’t sleep, got bored, that’s all.”
your shoulders vibrate slightly as you giggle, pulling away, a suspicious glint in your eyes. “damn, and here i thought you came for me.”
even when you’re intoxicated you still have such a smart mouth. sae shrugs, his gaze turning ever so soft, like every time before when he looks at you. there’s something about you that he can’t quite place, something that makes him act so differently than he usually does, and for once he doesn’t hate it. “did you want me to?”
not taking the bait, you keep up your casual demeanour, even if your eyelids feel heavy and you’re about five seconds away from just passing right out on the bed.
“you know, it’s fine to say you missed me and wanted to see me,” you tell him, grin wide as ever, almost infectious. you’re only surviving on liquid courage right now, the way you unashamedly try to flirt. though, if sae isn’t moving away, does that mean he doesn’t mind?
he looks off to the side, pondering for a while before turning back to you with a straight face, “i missed you, wanted to see you.”
for a moment, you feel like your heart might stop.
“is that what you wanna hear?”
almost instinctively, you grab the stray pillow lying on the bed and fling it at sae, earning an amused laugh from him but you barely realise it, too caught up in the frustration that his words were just strung together to entertain you as opposed to his actual feelings.
crossing your arms, you look away, the exhaustion of the day coupled with the dread of tomorrow nipping away at your consciousness. “don’t patronise me, itoshi sae,” you huff, and you miss the way he looks at you with a smile on his face.
will you remember any of this tomorrow? you’re not drunk, but you’re not exactly thinking straight either.
“were you… very busy this past week?”
your question is voiced so softly, almost like you’re afraid to ask, and sae realises maybe he should’ve at least told you he wouldn’t be able to make it as early as he thought he would.
“yeah, i was.”
technically, he isn’t lying. he was back in japan last saturday, but maybe he had been too wrapped up in his thoughts to do anything else.
“with bianca?”
it’s even softer this time, and for some reason, sae’s almost kind of relieved you’re asking. he just doesn’t know what it is.
“no, not really,” he tells you. it’s complicated, and you don’t even have context; he wouldn’t even know where to begin talking to you about it.
you put your legs up on the bed, hiding your face between your knees, and sae’s left wondering whether alcohol really makes that much of a difference. you seem bold, shy and teasing all at once. his hat is still on your head, your thoughts coming out into the open.
“are you… involved with her?” your voice is muffled, but he hears you loud and clear.
a small smile dawns onto his face, safe from your view. he doesn’t really know the implications of you asking the question, but he likes how you don’t beat around the bush. it’s nice not having to constantly guess what you really mean.
and maybe it’s you rubbing off on him, but he doesn’t answer it straight.
“curious, y/n?”
when you lift your head up to look at him, you see the widest smile he’s ever given you, objectively much smaller and way more subtle than everyone else, but it’s a smile all the same and it makes your heart beat faster in your chest.
“yes,” you answer honestly, because you’re not sure when exactly you’re going to pass out but you have a feeling it’ll be soon and eita’s bed is just so soft.
sae is only mildly stunned by how straightforward you are, so he decides to do you a favour. he doesn’t usually like divulging things like this; topics that bring gossip and are undoubtedly going to come back to him if it gets out. what’s more, you work for a sports magazine so you can totally use this against him, but it isn’t even that you’re intoxicated right now, but more so that he feels he can trust you with it.
slowly, he reaches his hand over, and for once he tips the cap upwards a little so he can see your eyes when he tells you, “stupid, i’m not involved with anyone.” is that clear enough for you? he’s not sure why but he hopes it is.
what does he even want with you?
the moment you hear it, you break out into a wide smile, genuine and actually infectious this time because sae feels the corners of his lips threatening to pull upwards even more. what the heck is this feeling?
“really? i’m so relieved,” you exhale, voice a little airy, looking a little too pretty that sae immediately pulls the cap back downwards. “so,” you move on, adjusting it back in position, daring to move closer to him, face so close to his own that he has nowhere else to look except straight into your eyes. “we have four minutes left. will you grant me whatever i want, itoshi sae?”
you have a habit of calling him by his full name. he makes a mental reminder to get you to change that. not tonight though, he doesn’t want you to forget.
it’s weird how he feels around you; why does he feel so overwhelmed yet want more both at the same time? he swallows the lump in his throat, keeping his composure, “depends, you’re pretty demanding, tell me first and i’ll consider.”
“itoshi sae, i’m not!” you refute, punching him playfully on the arm and he has to hold your arm to stop you from falling off the bed. “i don’t know. the guys outside are probably expecting us to fuck or something.”
there you go, unfiltered and he kind of likes it. his fingers are still around your wrist.
but the answer is crystal clear to him.
“no.”
“huh?” it takes you a while to process. given that the only thoughts in your head as of right now are only: what does sae think of you and eita? and bianca is important to him. “what if it was just a kiss?”
he hums, then shakes his head. “nope.”
“wait, am i not pretty enough for you or something?”
you’re whining and sae finds it cute of all things. you have a tendency to misunderstand, so maybe he needs to adjust how he talks to you. he’ll see. but before he can even say anything else, your head falls into his chest, your regular breathing the only sound that fills the room after. he’s perplexed and amused all at once; how did you manage to fall asleep so quickly?
contrary to your thoughts, sae has always thought you were pretty, ever since the first night he met you. even in your private account where you post yourself in hoodies too big for your body and no makeup, clad in sweats—still pretty.
sae sighs, his fingers stroking your hair now that you’re asleep, and whispering in your ear only when you’re not able to hear him.
“if i do that, i think i’ll end up wanting more.” and you’re drunk and that’s not what he really wants.
but he does give you what you ask for, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.
that’ll have to do for now.
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“so, nothing happened?” sendou asks, bored, as sae carries you on his back as he comes out of the room.
you’re passed out and drooling on his shoulder and he doesn’t really care about that.
“it’s sae, c’mon, did you expect something?” karasu laughs, all of them coming in from the balcony because in the seven minutes both of you had spent in the room, it managed to start raining. “maybe if it was bianca, y’know, then maybe.”
sae ignores all their passing comments, choosing to walk over to otoya, “hey, she passed out, i’m just gonna take her home.”
as much as sae isn’t particularly fond of otoya, he’s probably your closest friend here and he doesn’t want him to think he’s just going to take advantage of you.
otoya’s green eyes flicker to the clock on the wall before he shakes his head, speaking softly so the others won’t hear. “nah, just put her in the guest bedroom. i’ll send her back in the morning. you can head back first.”
there’s an irritation that builds up inside him, but sae maintains his emotionless expression, remembering that otoya knows you much more than he does. “i could just—”
“she doesn’t want to go home tonight,” otoya cuts in, a warning glare in his eyes. “trust me.”
suddenly, sae remembers the last time he met you, your swollen cheek and the way your eyes were glazed over. and he wants to ask otoya what it’s all about but this is about you, and he really shouldn’t ask someone else.
“fine,” sae concedes. if whatever’s at home makes you miserable, he won’t bring you there. “i’ll put her in there before i go.”
there’s a lot more otoya would like to ask sae, because oliver’s not the only one curious at sae’s seemingly odd behaviour. he wants to know what exactly he thinks about you, but everyone’s still around and it’s not a good time, so he sucks it up and lets it go for tonight.
as sae puts you down on the bed and pulls the blanket over you, he gets a brief flashback of the night he set bianca down in her hotel room. you’re both so similar, and yet not at all.
and when he’s about to turn and go, your fingers reach out to tug at the hem of his jacket sleeve, almost effectively making sae’s heart leap out of his chest. your eyes are still shut, so there’s no chance you’re actually conscious right now. still, your mouth opens.
“stay with me?”
sae stills. do you know it’s him? or do you think he’s otoya? either way, you and bianca really are similar, even when you’re not completely awake. so why… why are his reactions so different?
it’s not like he has anything on tomorrow, so it’s really no imposition.
before he knows it, he’s sitting on the floor, right next to where you sleep on the bed, your fingers enveloped in his palm, his head propped on the mattress, his own exhaustion catching up to him.
it’s been a messy week; trying to gather his thoughts about you every single time he’s free, having to talk to bianca and thinking about that, and then coming back just to see oliver and otoya so close to you that it bothers him a little. finding out about you and otoya takes the cake, though.
how special is otoya to you?
the question lingers unanswered as he drifts to sleep, both of you subconsciously finding comfort in the other’s innocent warmth.
the next morning when you wake up, you’re half shocked half happy to find sae where he is, sleeping there peacefully, the previous night’s exhaustion dissipating from his face.
did he take care of you last night? you can only hope you didn’t puke in front of him. that would be embarrassing.
you’d like to stay, wait for him to wake up and talk to him and make sure you didn’t say or do anything too out of line because your memory’s a little foggy, bits and pieces that you can’t quite piece together or even tell if they’re real or dreams.
but you can’t.
you remember what day it is today and reluctantly get out of bed. though, feeling a little cheeky, you quietly grab a small black marker out of the drawer, suppressing a grin as you scribble on sae’s palms, hoping he won’t wake up from this.
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a couple hours later, by the time sae gets up, the bed is cold and still undone. it’s already noon, and somehow the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up is you—are you already home? did otoya send you?
but the question that pops up in the forefront of his mind when he sees otoya lazing around on his couch later on is none of that.
and to be fair, otoya has the very same question in his head.
“do you like her or something? y/n.”
otoya is the one to ask, eyes still glued onto his phone screen, typing something out. sae can’t help but wonder if he’s talking to you. 
“what’s it to you?” sae asks. he can hear the snores of the other guys coming from otoya’s room.
otoya shrugs. “just curious. she’s my best friend after all.”
there’s a certain possessiveness in the way he says it that rubs sae the wrong way. still, sae supposes that if otoya’s your best friend, he shouldn’t be too impulsive with his words.
“maybe i like her,” sae says, the tension in the air getting thicker.
“in what way?” otoya still hasn’t looked up from his phone.
“same way you do.”
“i don’t know what you mean.”
otoya scoffs, both of them acting coy with one another. “bianca and y/n, huh? busy guy,” otoya sighs, tossing his phone aside and getting up, walking towards sae, hands in his pocket. both of them are staring the other down, feeling the situation out. “i think i suit y/n better, you can have bianca.”
now it’s sae’s turn to scoff, sharp eyes piercing through otoya’s own. “why don’t we let y/n decide for herself, huh?” he quips, before grabbing his car keys out of his pocket and leaving through the front door.
as he settles down in his car and turns the engine on, it’s only then that he realises the black marks on his palm. 
thank you ᡣ𐭩
somehow, just one look at it is enough to ease the tension on his shoulders.
you really can do wonders.
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extras !
otoya’s hostility towards sae was intentional.
sae didn’t try to wash your writing off—he let it fade away naturally.
if yn was sober, she would’ve not been as straightforward as he was in the room with sae. but she definitely would’ve flustered sae a lot more with her playful personality.
the whole time, oliver was live recounting the events of the night to miss manager, all of which are left on read.
if bianca had been there, sae would have been a lot more cautious about his actions and probably wouldn’t have acted too close to y/n.
random fact #1: otoya plays bass, used to perform in a band back in university. part of how he got so many girls interested in him but he was always with y/n which made a lot of them unhappy.
random fact #2: sae has never really been jealous before so now that he’s feeling it, he’s a lot more sensitive to it than normal people.
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taglist! @yuzurins @saeskiss @raphsimp @lust4rin @mxplesyrvp @chieeeeeee @yumekolovesyukimiya @kunirayuna39 @auranny @sereniteav @gskill @saesgrl @riseena @rikijbol @sagejin @shironagi @veecynii
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kalinysu · 10 months
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𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄. — Akaza x F!Reader
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𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You were a normal human, a little sick as well. You had issues walking and needed nightly doses of medicine to help you get better. One day, you had went out into the nearby forest to pick some berries late at night. You met a man named Akaza, and the next thing you knew, you had woken up in a place that looked to be someone’s home.
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Abusive behavior, Stockholms syndrome, kidnapping, dark themes.
𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: I got this idea from a story on a otome game I used to play all of the time. Just a little modified and differently written.
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You had been sitting in the forest for a while now, picking the little red berries off of the bush you sat next to and placing them in the basket beside you. You weren’t supposed to be outside, and especially not this late, but you needed some fresh air. You had stumbled and struggled to get over to the spot due to your illness, but with time you eventually made it without being spotted.
When you were about to get up and head inside, you found yourself not being able to get up and walk. Maybe it was cause by the position you were sitting in, but you couldn’t stand. And the nights cold air made your cough worse. You had began to cough and sneeze more frequently, until you heard approaching footsteps.
At first, Akaza planned to just ignore your frail figure almost laying on the ground. He despised the weak, and would have never even stopped to look at you if you didn’t speak to him. “U-uhm..” You stuttered, unsure of how to ask for help. Though when he turned around, you both looked equally stunned. He was a demon, definitely. You could see his fangs in his slightly opened mouth, and he didn’t look human at all. For him, those pink eyes and black hair of yours had set something off within him. You looked exactly like his late wife.
You were unable to speak or move, your whole body trembling as he approached you. Your eyes fixated on his every move, wondering if he was going to hurt you or not. You let out a small squeak as he lifted you up from the ground. “M-my home— it’s back over that way…” You said, weakly pointing in the direction of your village. He looked where you were pointing, then looking back down at you in his arms. He simply ignored your request of taking you back home. You wanted to fight back, to protest against him taking you but soon enough, everything went black.
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You woke up to the sound of shifting beside you, followed by a pattern of uneasy breathing. When you noticed the pink haired demon beside you once again, you gasped, immediately sitting up. His yellow eyes had been fixated on you most likely the whole entire time you were asleep. “Please, lay back down darling.” He said, placing his hand against your chest and pushing you back down into a laying position. “Don’t worry about a thing, i’ve even retrieved your medicine for you.” He said, placing a hand on your head and gently stroking your hair. You flinched at his touch, but you were so frozen in fear that you could hardly even think straight.
“N-no I.. I need to go back home.” You said, trying to get up but he wasn’t very willing to let you do so. “Home? This is your home, my love.” He said, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close. “M-my friends and family…” — “You don’t need friends. You have me anyways. And we can start our own family.” He said, only causing you to panic even more. He seemed pleased with the thought of having a family, but you were scared. He was a demon, you barely knew him and you were still sick.
“There’s nothing good back at that village of yours. Nobody strong enough as I am to protect you from demons. You have nothing to worry about. As long as you obey and listen to me, you’ll always be safe.” He said, placing a kiss on your forehead. His words were reassuring, but the last sentence frightened you a bit. You were safe from others, but were you safe from him? What would he do if you disobeyed him? You were a little afraid to find out. You stayed silent, looking away from him, which is when you noticed your clothes were changed. You were wearing a pink kimono, with a white circle pattern. It faded into a snowflake pattern at the bottoms. You began to grow more and more nervous. Has he really seen your body? You were trembling by now.
“There’s no need to be afraid, I already told you.” He said, sitting up and getting up out of bed. He walked around to your side and helped you sit up. He then carefully lifted you into his arms and sat you down on the cushion in front of the vanity. “Stay here, i’ll be back soon.” He said, gently patting you on the head before leaving the room. You could move, but just barely. Not enough energy to be able to get out of the room.
But it didn’t hurt to try. Your shakily stood up, taking a few shaky steps towards the door. But when you opened it, you ended up falling. Or so you though. When you looked up, you saw Akaza once again. He did not look happy to see you trying to leave only a minute after he told you not too. You were ruining his idea of the perfect wife. His old wife, Koyuki, never tried to escape him. Naturally, he was a little pissed. Shoving you back into the room, causing you to fall. He walked in fully and shut the door behind him, placing down the hair pins he had grabbed onto the vanity.
You were quite shaken, a little afraid to even make eye contact with him. When he walked over to you and grabbed your arm, you couldn’t help but let out a small whimper, tears beginning to well up in your eyes. He forced you to sit back on the cushion, forcefully wiping your eyes before your tears fell. “Don’t you dare cry.” He said, hearing your sniffles. He simply ignored your whimpers, working on your hair. “See? I already told you. If you listen to me, you won’t get hurt. Just don’t upset me.” He said, giving you a small smile and wiping away your tears. “Don’t cry.” He said. Shakily, your nodded, trying your best to hold back your tears.
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Over time, you had began to lose hope in ever leaving, and began to rely more and more on Akaza. Anytime you wanted to leave the room, he’d accompany you, always having at least one hand on you if not both. He never let you out of his sight, and of course that meant he’s seen every inch of your body.
You were attached to him now. You couldn’t go for even five minutes without his touch, you need him near you at all time. He was pleased with the outcome, loving the way you relied on him for everything. Sometimes, if you ruined the perfect wife image he had, he’d either physically hurt you, or simply leave you in the room on your own over night to teach you a lesson, forcing you into the mold of a woman who was long passed. Until you were practically her, and he was ecstatic about it.
You were happy as well, him hurting you or leaving you was very rare. He had also stopped calling “Koyuki”, and allowed you to pick your own kimonos and hairpins. He allowed you to be yourself when it came to appearance sometimes, but you had to keep your personality exactly the same or there would be consequences.
He was even happier when you were able to walk normally, and your illness was starting to go away. Though sometimes he did threaten to get rid of your medicine if you tried to escape. Last night, you needed help finding something but Akaza was on a mission. When he returned and you weren’t in the room, he was livid. He didn’t let you explain, and immediately put it as you trying to escape, even though you were just looking for him. He hurt you badly, and left you on your own. This was only the second time he left you, and it was for way longer too. So naturally when he left, you sobbed for hours.
When morning came, you had woke up to the sound of the door opening. “A-..Akaza?” You called out to him from in bed when you noticed he was finally back after leaving you over night. You were quick to get out of bed and hug him tightly, just as he expected.
“Good morning, love. Did you learn your lesson?” He asked, not giving you any physical attention until he was sure you weren’t going to mess up again. You nodded in response. “I thought about it all last night.. I won’t do it again, I promise.” You said. He smiled, placing a hand on your head with a small chuckle.
“Good girl.”
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notfinancialadvice · 1 year
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How I Built an Emergency Fund, inspiration I deeply hope is helpful
As the blog URL says, this is not financial advice. This is how I did this thing, and I am posting it here, publicly, in hopes that it helps you should you need this information.
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In short: Remix this advice to what fits your life + do not sue me if this goes poorly for you. This is for Americans, if you do not live in America and/or your money is not in America, I hope this is a useful base.
None of these links are affiliate links.
I write these things as a mental shift. I like to ramble and I wish I had someone tell me this stuff 20+ years ago. I'm hoping this helps you.
This is an incredibly long post so I'm putting it under a KEEP READING.
This post goes over two stages: "short term + not life-or-death" and "long term + actual life or death"
Part 01: SHORT TERM + NOT LIFE-OR-DEATH FUND
You need to find a high yield savings account that is FDIC insured. Ally is a popular bank for this.
Functionally, the only difference between a "high yield savings account" and "savings account" from the giant conglomerate bank down the street is the interest rate.
I do not know why non-high-yield savings accounts exist. I'm guessing because legally they can, and I hate it.
Moving away from my personal socioeconomic views to return to advice.
"FDIC insured" is not something you pay for. It is nearly universal on savings accounts. If a savings account, or a checking account, does NOT have it, then you should not put your money there. Something is wrong with that bank.
FDIC means if your bank goes out of business, your account is insured up to $250,000, per account, by the government. So if your bank goes out of business, the government makes sure you still have your cash (up to $250k).
A high-yield savings account means your cash is available whenever you need it.
Other products, like CDs, exist, but this ramble is designed to be as simple and starter as possible. Begin with a high yield savings account, build up from there as you do your own research + compare this to your needs.
Do not accept an account that has minimum balances. Do not open an account with monthly fees.
Touch this account as little as possible.
For every $1 you put in, every month, a few pennies will materialize. It's not much, but the main point is at every level, your money works for you.
Rich people do this. You can too.
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Touch this account as little as possible.
You can have multiple savings accounts.
I personally have a savings account in the above structure designed for "oh hell I am kinda screwed, but will be okay, just need a buffer."
"How much should I have in there?" you might ask. Common advice says "3-6 months expenses" which is a lot. I say "start with literally $1 and continue as you can until comfortable with what is possible, for you, at this time."
Will $1 make you rich? No.
Will it save your life in a bad situation? Probably not.
Does this $1 essentially become a tiny robot that is making you money for as long as it is docked into its cargo bay? ...weird metaphor but we'll go with it, sure.
Ultimately is it a start? Yes.
You can have multiple savings accounts. You can have a savings account "this is for short term emergencies" and "this is for... slightly less short term" etc.
It costs you nothing to have multiple. They all operate in the same way. It's handy to have them all at the same bank because it can make transferring cash easier.
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Part 02: LONG TERM + ACTUAL LIFE-OR-DEATH FUND WITH RISK SO BE CAREFUL
Once you have your savings account set up, and it's being funded on a regular basis (every week, every paycheck, every month, every quarter -- whatever works for you), look into creating a second, bigger, more dangerous-term cash reserve.
I like my Roth IRA. This is a link to a proper finance blog that has a lot of details. I am trying to make this handy/simple to get started.
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401ks and (non-Roth) IRAs are funded with pre-tax dollars, frequently in conjunction with your job.
Normally, cash goes from job -> government takes a slice -> you.
Pre-tax retirement accounts, cash goes from job -> retirement takes the percentage you decide -> government takes a slice of what is left -> you
Roth IRAs, job -> government takes a slice -> you -> Roth IRA
The benefit to pre-tax retirement accounts being, because the cash going in is pre-tax, there is more of it.
It can grow faster in the stock market or other places your particular fund allows you to put cash into.
The taxes come out when you withdraw -- usually retirement -- because if you withdraw before you retire, you are heavily penalized with extra fees.
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That's why Part 02 is a ROTH IRA. Your money has already been taxed -- job -> government's slice -> you -> Roth IRA.
This means the money is yours, already taxed. If you withdraw the gains, those get taxed, but the base, that's yours.
If you invest $100 and it grows to $105, you can withdraw $100 without paying fees or taxes. If you withdraw that extra $5, that is when taxes start to come into play. If you withdraw $100, and leave the $5, the $5 continues to grow, and that extra growth is taxed if withdrawn. So try not to touch it (ideally you leave all of it until retirement).
This is why this is an emergency, life-or-death only, account. You tap it only when you need to when all other choices are wretched and ruinous.
There is an annual limit as to how much money you can put into a Roth IRA (several thousand bucks).
You can start them very small. Like $20 or maybe less.
Look for a bank or institution that does not charge fees to open and maintain one.
AT EVERY STEP YOU SHOULD BE AVOIDING FEES
Here are smart people talking about ideas on how to get started.
Okay, so, what do we do now with this fancy roth thing.
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Here is where things get... uncomfortable.
A Roth IRA is an account type.
You need to do something with your money.
The reason you have this in addition to, and secondary to, your high-yield savings account is because this is an investment vehicle, the balance is going to go up and down, and may reach $0.00.
For my Roth IRA, I like "exchange traded funds" -- ETFs.
There are a lot of options -- you can invest in most anything
Because my Roth IRA is built for "help me I'm dying" emergencies, I invest in a mix of S&P 500 index funds and small-cap funds.
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SO MANY WORDS.
Let's break this down what this means.
S&P 500 index funds: This is an index fund of giant, giant, giant companies.
An index fund is like a stock. But instead of a single company, it tracks (owns shares of) an index -- like the DOW or Nasdaq. Or countries. Or... the entire market for oil. Etc.
The metaphor isn't completely accurate, but I like to think of it as "an index fund is a company that owns tiny bits of other companies."
Like, okay, say you have SlimeIndexFund and a share price is $40.
In this example, SlimeIndexFund owns $10 worth of "BardCo" and $10 of "ThiefCo" and $10 of "MermaidCo" and $10 of "EvilCo".
Let's say EvilCo does a lot of evil and is now worth $15, and MermaidCo does a lot of mermaid stuff and is now worth $15, and BardCo sings out of tune so is now worth $5. ThiefCo is oddly at the same $10 but we're scared so we're leaving ThiefCo to stay at $10.
A share in SlimeIndexFund is now worth $45. ($5 BardCo + $10 ThiefCo + $15 EvilCo + $15 MermaidCo)
This is diversification
Because I bought an index fund, instead of just buying BardCo, my risk is less.
Had I bought all MermaidCo, my return would be higher -- but this is a much bigger risk.
The entire purpose of this set up of a Roth IRA is TO MINIMIZE RISK.
Your Roth IRA should allow you to buy "fractional shares" and if it doesn't fuck that bank, go somewhere that does.
In the above example, SlimeIndexFund is $40/share and at that price you are getting the full benefit of 1 share.
Let's say you have $10.
You buy a fractional share of SlimeIndexFund for $10, which is 25% of 1 share.
So when SlimeIndexFund shares raise from $40 -> $45, your fractional share goes from $10 -> $12.50.
Not all funds and stock shares (etc) have fractional shares, most do.
It's a great way to start and build.
Small-cap funds: These operate in literally the same way. The difference is the companies are (in comparison) much smaller. They tend to be more nimble.
So I am diversifying between "here is a fund, it has a lot of large companies" and "here is a fund, it has a lot of small companies."
Let's say Big Office Building real estate goes down, but the sale of Small Company Making waffles goes up. This mixes together and I'm less in danger of losing money, or losing much money.
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You can pick individual stocks.
The reason it is not recommended, by nearly everyone, is because the market has incredible tools and power over individual stocks.
By using any kind of fund that bundles things together, you are thereby automatically using these tools by proxy
It is critical to understand this is the stock market. Your account will go up and down. It may go down A LOT, like 25%, and take years to recover. Maybe it goes down 100% to literally $0.00.
That's why this is the LAST RESORT EMERGENCY FUND.
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So why are we doing this.
This feels... wrong?
The potential for growth is significantly higher than a savings account. Adjusted for inflation, somewhere in between 6-7%.
At this rate, if you can leave your initial deposit alone for somewhere between 10 - 13 years, it has doubled.
This equation recalculates every time you make a deposit. So if you can deposit $20 every pay check, it has the potential to grow very quickly.
As above, this is the stock market, so it can also get wiped out.
But given the stock market has historically always recovered, though it may take several years, the risk is worth it to me + a lot of other people.
The reason this is built as a last-resort cash bucket is because of this risk. Before moving into this arena, you should have other cash buckets as a buffer.
Your RISK is it goes down. Which it will frequently.
Your REWARD is if it goes up. Which historically it has far more than it went down.
The PURPOSE of using funds as described above is so you don't have try to guess who the next Amazon is and wind up picking the next Pets.com (which went out of business, like, a long... long time ago).
The people making the funds figure out who is Amazon and who is Pets.com and work, day and night, to make your money grow and/or protect it when outside influences are hurting the market.
They are incredibly equipped to do this and their literal livelihood is on the line when they do it poorly.
Which is a polite way of saying, they are continuously incentivized above all else to work for the fund you're investing in.
The reason you're doing this in a Roth IRA specifically is you're hoping to keep as much of it intact, as possible, until you retire, at which point -- if you've followed fairly simple rules -- you withdraw the base and gains tax-free.
Whereas money in a normal stock account? Those gains are taxable every year.
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"I have literally $20 I can save per pay check! Can I put in $15 into a high-yield savings account and $5 into a Roth IRA to get started?!"
Yes!
Also, congrats! You're diversifying already!
Your Roth IRA broker should allow you to invest a minimum of $1 at a time, and buy fractional shares. If they don't, don't sign up with them!
Lean heavily into your high-yield savings account until that is very comfortable and thick, then push money into the Roth IRA.
Your goal is to build a system that works for you -- both literally (money working for you) and emotionally ("this is comfortable")
"Should I pay off debt before proceeding? A lot of people say to pay off excess debt first."
This is up to you.
Most financial blogs etc. do say "focus on paying off debt first" -- it's good advice, your returns are risk-free and permanent, since the lower your debt is, the less you have to pay over time.
Interest -- working for you or against you -- is continuous and eternal.
Personally, I like to diversify everything, so I not-financial-advice ramble "do all three -- pay down debt, throw a little cash into a high-yield savings, throw a little cash into a Roth IRA"
The problem with "pay off debt first" is that it misses out any occasional giant gains the stock market makes (Roth IRA) and introduces the risk of "I have paid this credit card on time for 5 years, I'm short on change for 3 months due to a situation that gets resolved quickly, and now I have a late payment fee, and a higher interest rate."
Look at your life, finances, and potential future and make decisions!
And also:
Always be on the look out for deals with banks. Sign up bonuses, referral links from friends, etc. Think of it as a money sale.
If you are not comfortable with the idea of a Roth IRA hitting $0.00 potentially, do not do step 02. These are ideas, not directives.
All financial tools can be used for different purposes. All of them. Thus -- these are ideas, not directives.
I am listing a few examples of banks, funds, etc. These are not recommendations nor are they affiliate links. They are listed because I want to maximize your start on this path, but caution, in strongest possible terms, you must do your own research and figure out what makes sense for you.
There are a lot of nuances I am paving over for the sake of simplicity, which is why I am continually saying...
...c'mon say it with me...
...you must do your own research before continuing
Smart, free sites that cover this + a lot of other stuff:
NerdWallet
Bank Rate
One final note about Roth IRAs:
Robinhood currently is offering a 1% match on an IRA. Considering the strict limits of how much an IRA can intake per year, it's not much, but it doesn't cost you anything. Money on sale!
As a final note -- always feel comfortable asking people handling your money for help. They are working for you. Your money works FOR YOU.
If you are uncomfortable, leave, immediately, without concern.
At the retail level, there are hundreds of banks and financial institutions clamoring for your business. If someone makes you uncomfortable for not knowing something, or getting a term wrong, or asking "too many" questions -- go somewhere else.
It doesn't matter if your account is literally worth $20.
They are working for you.
This is a business transaction, and if they make you feel like your time isn't worth their business, I promise you there is someone else who will gladly take care of you.
I end with -- whenever someone is giving you financial advice, always ask why. It helps ensure they aren't scamming you, it's just a good business practice.
I like to ramble, it helps me mentally
I like to be useful, I want the world to be significantly more balanced in terms of who is doing okay
I like to write, this is all good practice for me in doing Various Other Things I do
I fucking hate predatory financial practices. I was gatekept out of financial literacy for decades and so every time I help someone else figure out how to set up their own life and protect themselves it is a giant "fuck you" to the systems and directly to the people who stood in my way.
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reveluving · 1 year
Text
red lipstick ; adam driver characters headcanons
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summary: because what’s sexier than seeing you in red lipstick? 💄
warnings: fluff, humour, slightly explicit (minors DNI!)
a/n: on an ADCU spree so I figured it’s the best time to write my own, courtesy of @safarigirlsp​ & @in-silks-and-flesh-and-leather​ for continuously feeding my obsession hehe! pls pls pls give their work some extra love!! and don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ
» check out my full m.list!
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✧・゚ Jacques Le Gris
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Le Gris' own presence exudes confidence, ferocity, and allure, and his lady is no different. What better way to show the men who envy him the same way the ladies do with you than by bringing you the best of the best? He will settle for nothing less, especially when it comes to your comfort and the like, and he will know if they're not up to par.
Old-timey Jacques will indirectly criticize the maiden in charge, knowing they probably did so to make you seem 'less appealing' to your very own lover, but many seem to forget that he was extremely smart just as he was your doting husband. Just a quick exile over here, a simple repeat of his demand for the best over there and boom, he's back to being happy ol' Le Gris. Modern Jacques is no different, for he would easily purchase the shades you'd swatch and hum to yourself, knowing if he heard how much you liked it, he'd buy the whole store for you. Do you want them personalised, too? Go right on ahead!
And that's not a threat, it's a promise.
“You should never settle for anything less, ma chérie. I shall not allow it.” He’d chime in as soon as he sees your eyes sparkle at the new case with both wonderment and guilt. If you offer to repay him for his endless gifts, he will ask for your kisses, complete with the new set he’s given you, but ever the lover boy that he is, you know good and well it won’t end with just kisses.
✧・゚ Flip Zimmerman
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Ever heard of the saying "the fortune favours the bold"? He doesn't need to hear from Stallworth that Flip has in fact 'loosen up' upon being graced by your existence. He does, however, preen in the knowledge that since knowing you, he's become bold. Well, bolder than he already was. Where has uncertainty brought him in life? But as much as he'd like to deny till the end of time, he's nearly done it before.
Keyword: nearly.
The day you met, he wondered if he had died in a shootout and met hell's personal It girl—no angel could pull off the devil's shade with pride the way you do. Had he continued to mask his hesitancy by returning your undeterred gaze, he'd be the biggest fool for letting you go.
He'd clock in work with your lipstick stains if he could. Public indecency be damned! He'd fight everyone and anyone if he hears another person talk about it as a form of embarrassment.
"S'not my fault you don't have a pretty girl to come home to." He'd shrug, though the wolfish smile told the poor bastard everything that he felt. Was he wrong? No. Was he going to fight Flip for publicly embarrassing him with the truth? Absolutely not; your husband would probably knock him out before the guy could even land a hit.
✧・゚ Clyde Logan
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To think there were more red lipstick shades than he could count with his good hand. In all honesty, he really doesn't have a favourite nor does it matter if it's even red or not. That's not to say he doesn't care because clearly, he does, but only in the sense that it makes you happy. You are the professional in this particular field, after all. But best believe the happiness that heightens in him whenever you'd ask for his opinion.
Still, the colour red does, however, as the current generation says, 'hits different'. Unsubtle glances from his patrons were a normal occurrence but they never got any easier by the day. But, on the other hand? He’s the lucky son of a gun who gets to call you ‘his’.
But the man loves his kisses, and kisses he will get! With your frequent visits to the bar, you'll never let this man work without at least a peck on the cheek. Seeing his signature pout lift to the bashful smile we know and love (the audacity) takes no effort.
“Y’know just how to make a man happy, sugar.” He’d murmured against your lips, his sudden boldness not surprising you but instead, his customers, who were only giving him shit but also openly ogling at you not too long ago.
✧・゚ Kylo Ren
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Whether you think of our ol’ touch-starved leader, the vampire, the knight, or whatever suits your fancy, Kylo will want nothing more than the top-notch of things for his darling, and your preference for lipstick shouldn’t be any different! He, in a way, is an embodiment of red—his passion for both his belief, his interest, and especially, his devotion to you. So, to see the very same colour he associates closely with, other than black, be embraced as your very own as well? He shouldn’t be surprised that most, if not all of his elation are sourced from you in general.
He’s a busy man, but he will not miss the opportunity to watch you apply your colour of the day with great care. He’s unconsciously smiling, lost in your melodic hum as his vow to keep you out of harm’s way grows stronger. He’s been through hell and back to survive, and he’d have no problem doing the same it’s to ensure you leave the danger zone unscathed. So, if something as simple as red lipstick makes you happy, then don’t be surprised if you see a new one even before your current one runs out.
And although all kisses are good kisses, don’t think he won’t pull you in for a real one once the smooching fest starts. You’re worried about leaving a stain? Don’t be! His men/subordinates don’t have the balls to point them out, knowing by doing so is a game over for them.
✧・゚ Charlie Barber
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The man eats, sleeps, and breathes art, so it's knowing his beloved has her very own is a major plus! One would think nothing impresses him anymore, or at least, not as much as his own work, but oh, were they dead wrong. There hasn't been a day where the lipstick holder on your vanity table never makes him puff out his chest with pride. From the simple matte ones he'd buy after a random day at work simply because it reminds him of you, to the high-end bold to burgundy ones personalised with your name engraved on the case. C’mon, what harm would it do to him for paying a couple of hundreds for makeup as one of his ways to say thank you to his wife—his muse!
Charlie embraces this as your form of art; the shades, the textures, the right amount of shine or shimmer—just anything that screams you. Artistry performed best by his one and only.
And how could he forget about the polaroids you both have? Yours which has him covered in your lipstick stains and face in absolute bliss? His which were you kissing the area close to his happy trail, leaving the same shade colour to his toned body?
Yes, your husband's in paradise, indeed.
✧・゚ Commander Mills
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Another hunk who really just finds your confidence in whichever you find is best is more than enough, because what's better than his girl's own joy? Even so, if red really speaks to you, then don't be surprised he takes advantage of it. If the numerous times you've caught him staring at your lips and even shamelessly holding your gaze doesn't tell you anything, then the instance he wraps his arms around you for a little while longer before pressing his lips onto yours definitely should.
And if we're talking about the whole time-travelling shebang and somehow, you had to make your own lipstick? Wowie. This man will scour every nook and cranny for the ingredients if you asked him to. Best believe he will find what you need!
If it means getting the opportunity to see you do your thing in your colour and being able to wipe off the accidental smear just after you've applied it, that man is on a mission.
˚ · . f i n . · ˚
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You can tell that I lost my roll towards the end HAHAHA but if you’re wondering what lipstick in particular inspired me to write this, it’s:
ETUDE Fixing Tint in Analog Rose/Vintage Red
Dior Rouge Dior Lipstick in 999
Stunna Lip Paint Longwear Fluid Lip Color in Uncensored
PERIPERA Ink Airy Velvet in Full Red Brick (11)
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ingravinoveritas · 3 months
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Heheh
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Grouping these all together because a whole bunch of things happened today and there is a lot to talk about. For those who haven't seen, Georgia posted an Insta story of the sunset, which was followed by an extremely similar picture/Insta story from AL about an hour later. Shortly after that, Anna posted another story of Lyra and Birdie baking side by side, which Georgia also reshared:
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Right off the bat, one thing in particular stood out about AL's story: Her using the hashtag #bakingwithsheenant, which differs from the tags she and Georgia normally use (#Sheenbergnants or something to that effect). It especially caught my attention because "Sheenant" is one of the ship names used in the fandom for Michael/David (though it is not a term I normally use). AL could have easily been referring to Lyra and Birdie in the photo, of course, but...of all the portmanteaus and hashtags AL could have chosen, she went with that one, and all I can say is that if it was nothing more than a fluke, then it was one hell of a fluke for her to make.
As if all this weren't enough, however, we then have what @phantomstars24 has mentioned, which is another story that Georgia shared just a little while ago:
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To what was said in the Asks above, if this is true, it would absolutely mean that Michael and David are also neighbors, and that my head feels like it's slightly melting. Because there is no way in hell Michael bought a house in London next to David by accident. A meteorite has a better chance of hitting the Earth and bringing back the dinosaurs as our reptilian overlords than that does of being an accident.
Also if Michael and David are together as part of some poly arrangement, I can't think of a better way for them to ensure that they can see each other all the time. The number of possibilities are limitless: Random sleepovers, snuggling on the couch for movie date night, unwinding with a glass of red wine after they've had a long day doing their respective plays. Thinking as well of how we saw Michael and David looking at each other at opening night of Macbeth, now the chances of them going home together afterward have shot up by about a million, and I can hardly get my mind around it. I mean...dear God...
As for Georgia's "So linked!" sounding sarcastic, I could definitely see that as sarcasm. The sunset pictures from earlier seemed very planned, and even more so once we saw the baking picture. I saw some reactions from fans calling AL and Georgia "besties" once the Insta stories were posted, but I'm not exactly sure how those posts make them besties. The way Georgia posts about Anna is entirely different from how she posts about Jennie Fava, whom we know actually is one of Georgia's longtime best friends, so that difference makes it difficult for me to see why people see Georgia/AL in that light.
And if they are frequently getting together because of that proximity/because it is easier for Michael and David to have one house to themselves while AL, Georgia, and the kids are in another, I could see some degree of resentment existing on Georgia's end, especially if she feels like more of a babysitter than anything else. It's difficult to say for certain, of course, but we also have so many instances now of Anna copying Georgia on social media that I would imagine it has started to feel like a bit of a "me and my shadow" routine.
In any case, we have a lot of little pieces here that only give us a small glimpse at the whole, but boy, are they some very interesting pieces indeed. I think what strikes me most about all of this is that these stories also allude to Michael and David spending time together, yet we never actually see any pictures of them. (I have an Ask related to this waiting in my inbox, so I will expand more on that in a bit.) But we are being given room to think that, and to draw certain conclusions as a result, and I think both Georgia and AL know that and seemingly do not have a problem with it.
So yes, those are my thoughts on all the developments from today. Glad as always to hear from my followers and what your thoughts are on all this...
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dearsnow · 3 months
Text
PEACH FUZZ BOY
- ponyboy has never been in a relationship before, and now that he’s started one with his best friend, he feels as though something is different. (ponyboy curtis x gn!reader, fluff, based on peach fuzz by caamp)
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word count: 924
a/n - yeah 90% of my fics are based off of songs, sue me 😞 but i love ponyboy and i love this song and they just fit together so perfectly!!
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This is new to Ponyboy. Hand-holding, kissing, trying to talk to you without stumbling over his words, all of it. When he sees you, his mouth just goes dry and his pencil cracks and all his poetic euphemisms fly out of his mind like he threw stones at birds. He’s in love.
He’s been in love, but something about making it official has knocked away all of the familiarity he built with you.
Ever since he saw you in the third grade, eyes watery and a wet book clutched in your shaking fists, he knew there was something electrifying about you. He felt like he had to walk up to you and help you pick up your things from the puddle, glaring at the backs of the people who threw them down. He had to walk with you to class, and he had to join you on the swing set during lunch. In a sense, he fell head over heels for you on that foggy September day.
Everything else just came easily to the both of you. You sat with him in class, you whispered behind the pages of your books, you fell in step with his unruly gang of older boys, and you were together so frequently his parents joked you were attached at the hip. Pony never really thought about you in any other way, until the night of a seemingly ordinary rumble.
You were always worried about him fighting, so when he came back with a black eye, multiple scrapes, and a busted lip, you were (understandably) very upset. And, like you always did, you cleaned him up and gave him a stern talking-to with a voice laden with care.
Something scared him that day. During the rumble, all he could think about was you. You getting hurt. You seeing him hurt. Coming back to your house with new-forming scars and seeing your eyes tear up. A little thing inside of him broke, and when he felt your breath on his cheek, your hands deftly placing a bandage on his forehead, he just couldn’t stop himself. He leaned in and kissed you, and you kissed back.
It was natural, like breathing or the beat of his heart. All of a sudden, he wanted to see more of you than the colors he had already been shown. He wanted it, and god, would he get it.
“Pony?” You ask, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What’s been up with you lately? You seem really out of it.”
He hesitates. He would hate to confess all of this, that the quick-as-lightning transition from best friends to dating has tied his tongue and shaken his palms. “Nothin’, honest.”
You absolutely do not believe him. You know him too well. The curve of his lips, the movements of his eyes, how he hides his hands- he’s lying, and you know it. “That’s not true. Seriously, what’s up?” You move to place your hands over his, and his breath falters. “You can tell me. I won’t judge.”
He doesn’t want to, he seriously doesn’t want to, but your eyes are so earnest, and just like a few days ago, his feelings are beginning to slip to the surface.
“I…” he hesitates. You patiently listen, like you always do. “I don’t know how to do stuff like this. I’ve never done it before, ‘n I guess I’m just scared I’ll mess up.” He gives a heavy sigh. “It’s like I still have peach fuzz for, like, love and stuff.”
“Peach fuzz?” Your voice has a humorous ring to it, but a kind one all the same.
“Yeah. It’s stupid, sorry.”
You lean your head on your shoulder and feel his body stiffen. “Don’t be sorry, Pony. I get it. I have it too.” His entire being relaxes as soon as those words leave your mouth. If you have it too, if you feel the same way he does, then surely there’s nothing wrong with him. Maybe it’s normal. “All I know is that I love you, and I want us to be normal again.”
He looks down at you, eyes slightly widened. “You don’t wanna date me anymore?”
“That’s the exact opposite of what I was trying to say.” You giggle, and the panic blooming in his stomach stills. “I just mean that we don’t have to be awkward. I know you as well as you know me, and dating doesn’t have to mean we forget everything we’ve learned. If anything, it’s an excuse to learn more.”
“Oh.” The moment is quiet for just a second until he realizes something, his voice cracking as his eyebrows raise. “Did you say you love me earlier?”
You smile, eyes squinting in their usual way. “Yes.”
He runs a hand through his greased hair, his heart beating wildly. “Cool.” You look at him. “Sorry, sorry. I mean, I love you too. A lot. More than a lot, probably. I don’t know.”
You laugh, and he joins in with a nervous chuckle. Before you know it, you’re laughing so hard you collapse into his lap, and he’s bent over with a hand pressed to his mouth.
When the laughter finally stops, he stares down at your face and leans closer. “I’ll be normal, I promise. From now on, I’ll be the same old Ponyboy.”
You wrap an arm around his neck and pull him down further, kissing the corner of his mouth lightly. “And I’ll be your same old best friend, I promise. With a little more love involved, of course.“
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mitsvriii · 10 months
Text
Beautiful
TW’s: insecurities, slight self-hate
Pairings: Obanai Iguro x reader
Reader type: Can be any, sort of female implied?
Word Count: 610+
A/N: I was listening to Jaymes Young at 11 pm one night and this came to me, please do not ask for a part 2
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You let out a sigh as you sat on a bench in the Hashira Headquaters, heading your head low. If anyone passed by you they could see that you were in a bad mood. If it wasn't evident by your body language then it would be clear by your eyes. They were slightly red and puffy.
You kicked your feet aimlessly, like a child would. You honestly knew that jealously was something that was stupid to be upset about, especially since your partner was the definition of loyal. But it didn't stop it from hurting as much.
Shaking your head you wiped your eyes, "This is stupid...getting upset over something like this of all things." Your mumbles of self-reassurance didn't seem to be helping too much, in fact it made you feel like you were pitying yourself.
But then again who wouldn't be jealous of someone like Mitsuri? She was strong, social, pretty, and caring. And in your mind that seemed to be the perfect fit for Obanai, not someone like you.
You stopped kicking your feet and shifted on the bench. You were really getting worked up over nothing to be honest. Obanai wouldn't leave you for her...although the voice in your head spoke differently then the one in your heart.
"Have you been crying?"
You sighed yet again as you looked up to no one other than Obanai himself. You simply shook your head and look away, causing the Snake Hashira to frown underneath his bandage. You felt Obanai's clothed arm brush against yours as he sat down beside you, Kaburamaru giving you a small hiss as to say "Hi".
"It's about Mitsuri isn't it", you heard him let out a "hmph" at your lack of answer, "You shouldn't be jealous, y'know. She's just a friend."
"I know", you answered, still avoiding eye contact.
"But you don't believe it."
You groaned and looked at him, scowling slightly, "And how do you know that?"
"Because I know you", he met your gaze with a tender one that was only reserved for you. And you almost melted right then and there, almost.
Silence. Nothing could be heard except for the frequent chirp of birds and Kaburamaru's flicking of the tongue. You glanced at Obanai out of the corner of your eye, he still seemed to be staring at you.
"Well what do you want me to say?" you retorted, crossing your arms.
Obanai sighed, "That you're really okay. That you really believe that Mitsuri and I are just friends and you don't see us as anything more."
More silence from you. Obanai seemed to shift in his seat, he was normally on the other side of this comfort thing. While his mind racked the things you would do to make him feel better, he realized that they may not work because you're not him.
"You're beautiful", Obanai finally spoke after a minute's worth of silence.
"And just because you may not be as strong or pretty as you perceive her to be doesn't mean that I don't....I don't love you as less", Obanai finished, his slight blush being hidden by his bandage.
You looked up at him, your shoulders less tense than before. "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive", he met your gaze again.
You nodded, glancing at the ground, "Okay. I believe you."
Obanai hummed before standing up. He held his hand out to you, "Would you like to go get something to eat?"
"Sure", you breathed out, taking his hand.
You both went on your way, hand interlinked. If Obanai thought you were beautiful then you guessed it would all work all out in the end. After all, he never lied to you.
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winterxgardener · 1 month
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What makes Shourtney stand out to me (as a possible couple) is that despite all the LA influences and insane talent, they kinda seem like two people you could see hanging out in your neighborhood. They are so special but normal at the same time if that makes sense.
I also feel that neither of them are particularly great at hiding their true feelings about people and things around them - and I love that about them. I'm sure they do a loooooot of self-censoring but at the same time, have hard time maintaining a proper poker face.
Actually, there are some 2019-2020 videos where Courtney and Shayne start acting silly/flirty together, and the other person in the room (usually Ian and Damien) has a slightly amused but uncomfortable "here we go again" expression on their face. The expression is so relatable 'cause I've been in similar situations myself at the workplace and kept thinking "you guys really need to do something about this romantic tension 'cause we have a meeting with the boss in two minutes and she might have some questions". So awkward but hilarious at the same time.
Similarly to the previous anon, I also wish we could hear their own experience at some point since what we discuss here in Tumblr, is mainly just speculation/interpretation. Even if it turns out that Shourtney never happened and we shippers have been living in delulu, I'd still love to hear what their shared journey has been (bts) since it feels like they rarely talk about their friendship/something-else-ship anymore. Ian and Anthony discuss their friendship frequently in videos, Shayne and Damien make references to their shared past experiences from time to time, and I've even heard Amanda and Angela commenting on how close friends they are. But I can not remember the last time Shayne and Courtney had even a brief discussion about them as a duo, despite being one of the more iconic ones.
I actually think that it was the contradiction between their non-verbal language and verbal treatment of each other that led me to speculate (1-2 years ago) that something is going on bts. For me their "heart eyes" alone are not really a proof of anything since they keep looking at half the cast with similar endearment. However, I found it weird that they would look at each other so lovingly (at least in brief moments) but rarely ever say anything friend-like directly to each other or even act politely, like normal coworkers. Some people will explain that with their long friendship but they are close with Damien and Ian as well and rarely act in the same contradictory way with them. I just can't explain that with anything else but "something's going on".
As a background info: I started my Smosh journey with videos from 2022 and 2023, and initially, knew nothing about the Shourtney shipping that happened in late 2010s. Despite this (or because of it?) I sensed something between them and was not surprised to hear that they might be more than just coworkers. However, I def understand why shippers got a bad rep in Defy era because I can not sense the same chemistry between them in older videos and would have needed a fair amount of delulu to convince myself that they are together. Nowadays, it's the other way around: you need to make a lot of mental acrobics to explain why they are most probably just friends.
Btw, sorry for a long, not-so-cohesive ramble on this. I'm writing this in a sleepy mode, and am not sure myself what is the red thread of this anymore. :D
I am speechless while reading this. What do you mean by 'not cohesive'? This is a well-structured narrative. 🤯🤯
I agree that between 2019 and 2021, Shourtney appeared different, especially during their Twitch streams since they were unedited, unlike now, where they can easily censor or edit some of their moments.
Regarding their chemistry, from 2015 to 2018, it was just full-blown flirting as friends. (I don't know if I'm just being delusional), but something changed in 2019.🙉🙈
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eusion · 1 month
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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪and july ⌒☆
pairing ⌒☆ college!nicholas x reader
word count ⌒☆ 1.2k
content ⌒☆ drinking, slightly suggestive
note ⌒☆ idk this has been sittin in my drafts
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"this skirt is riding up my ass ... "
on a normal friday night u usually find urself staying in ur apartment, tucked away in ur knitted blanket while chipping away at missing assignments. although 90% of the time ur on ur laptop, ur usually online shopping or binge watching a random tv show on hulu. its been a long week for u, finally finishing ur midterms all while juggling ur work responsibilities. u never settled for an easy-going lifestyle and u were fine with that. if anything, fulfilling ur own responsibilities was more than enough to keep u satisfied.
thus, u have never had a boyfriend. u never found it in urself to spark up conversations with anyone other than ur friends or teachers. no one particularly peaked ur interest and u never felt the societal pressure of finding someone to like. and by no means were u ever deemed unattractive, u knew u had a few admirers urself, but it was not something u paid any attention to.
the amounts of 'ur single?' 'uve never kissed anyone?' 'yeah, but what about this guy?' felt endless. it turned u off from the idea of relationships even more.
so u werent sure how or why u managed to get pulled out of the comfort of ur room with nothing but a pair of heels and a short, skimpy dress. tugging at the hem of ur skirt attempting to cover up what was left of ur dignity deemed to be useless, only revealing bits of ur strapless bra the more u pulled it down. ur two friends were frequent party goers, knowing most of frat row since theyre there every free weekend they have.
the cold air bites against ur skin and u start regretting that u didnt bring ur nice leather jacket. as u clutch onto ur friends arms for dear life, u all finally make it to the front door of a house uve seen in passing from ur daily walks to campus. seeing it at night was so much different from what u were used to. the windows were filled with colorful flashing lights with silhouettes of people having conversations and dancing. some people were standing on the lawn outside passing around what seemed to be half a blunt, a man passed out right in the middle of their group.
"lucky we dragged u along for this party! this might be one of the good ones" ur friend excitedly knocks on the door, rubbing against ur own arm for warmth. u werent sure why u were nervous, u never found it hard to talk to people but for some reason u felt like u were going to go into cardiac arrest. ignoring the constant calls from the men settled on the lawn who were obviously drunk. u were completely distracted from the noise that u didnt even notice that the front door finally opened.
"leave them alone man" said a taller male, throwing an empty cup at the group of men on the lawn. followed by a string of yells & protests, u glance up and find ur friends joking around with the dude that just littered. his hair was black and slightly long, one ear having a dangly earring. hes wearing a black shirt that hugs his frame a bit too nicely along baggy ripped jeans equipped with chains. as ur observing him, his eyes glance over, raising an eyebrow at u. almost in a teasing way, he sends a u toothy smile, glancing over his shoulder and resting his arm against the frame of the door.
"entry is $5, but for you, i can let u in for free"
all u could do was slightly part ur mouth in response, no words coming out. was he serious? ur friends roll their eyes in unison obviously used to this man's behavior, shoving past his frame followed by a "very funny, nicholas". u follow promptly behind since all ur arms were still tightly linked, and as u looked behind ur shoulder to check back at the front door, he was shooting u another signature smile before walking off to find his own crowd.
several shots in & three hard seltzers later, u became a lot more loose around the huge crowd of people. u found a few familiar faces that shared a couple of classes with u, each person almost shocked that u even came to a function like this. all u could do was shoot a smile, cheers their can with ur own & walk away to mingle. it was hot & steamy on the main floor, every person who was wearing glasses having fogged up lenses. 'this isnt terrible' u thought. its almost as if a lightbulb lit u above ur head after realizing going out every once in a while is a good thing.
ur phone pinged for the tenth time and besides ignoring it like u have for the majority of the night, u flip ur screen over to find that u have an assignment due at midnight tonight. curses & panic run through your mind, bringing urself to the staircase to walk up to the empty level of the house. ur back crashes against the wall as u slide down, reading the canvas post as u begin drafting out ur paper right then and there. ur fingers are rapidly typing all while thinking 'im never going to finish this ...'
"u seem fun at parties"
ur brows furrow in response, breaking contact with ur phone, ur eyes settle on someone a lot more pleasant.
"go on. dont let me stop u"
that same toothy grin was lit up by the rgb lights in the hallway, taking a seat right next to u as he sips on the warm jungle juice. ever since u came here, u were never in the right state of mind especially after all of those shots. focusing on ur assignment was difficult in a setting like this ... and even more difficult now that theres a very attractive man breathing over ur shoulder.
"do u mind ..." u shoot, back now slightly facing towards him in attempts to cover ur phone screen. ur fingers are busy typing but somehow there are zero words written for this assignment. u have about 40 minutes left until midnight.
u almost couldnt stand his overwhelming presence right next to u. the scent of his cologne was strong even through the smell of the dark, musty house. ur ears shut the music out once u notice something moving in the corner of ur eye, his hand snatching ur phone away faster than u can react. the alcohol in ur system didnt make ur response time any better, and honestly, neither did his.
"give that back, ur gonna send in an empty assignment ... "
he laughs at watching ur attempts at retrieving ur device back, his arm raised up high in the air as u lean over trying to retrieve it. all of this commotion, u dont even realize ur dress riding up high on ur thighs, a strap of ur dress falling off of ur shoulder.
its no doubt nicholas notices how vulnerable u are. he wasnt sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that ur practically half-naked in front of him. with wavering eyes, he clears his throat, quickly tossing ur phone on ur lap before grabbing a discarded jacket that was left in the hallway by a random and wrapping it around ur shoulders.
u watch as he gets up, softly patting at ur head before heading back downstairs. it wasnt clear to someone like u who was extremely faded, but a clear blush was spread across his face.
"u got at least 30 minutes to finish that assignment, u got this"
and 30 minutes later ...
u didnt finish ur assignment.
instead, u were left in the hallway, simmering in ur own thoughts of nicholas.
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gracie7209 · 9 months
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Amaryllis Chapter 9
Pairing: Frankie x f!Reader
WC: 6.4K-ish
Rating: E
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI We do some jumping around here, flashbacks, frequent POV changes, and back and forth between different scenes. Really bad attempt at adding an accent to mask one’s voice, reunions, reunion sex , Oral f receiving, Tom (in general), Reader’s first time + creepy!Tom, mildly dubious consent - (just in case), fingering, unprotected PIV, loss of virginity, BiPolar AF!Tom, it’s not all terrible though, sweet Frankie, sleepy Frankie… there’s just a lot going on this Chapter. I apologize if I forgot anything!
Summary: Frankie comes home. No one knows he’s alive except for Santi. Not even you. And until Tom was dealt with, it had to stay that way. But how can Frankie stay away, knowing you’re so close, when the thought of seeing you again is what kept him alive?
A/N: Please read the warnings… there are definitely some potential triggers in this chapter. Some of which were extremely uncomfortable to write let alone read, so please just tread carefully. All mistakes are mine!
*I’m always always always grateful for any feedback so let me know what you think!!
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Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist
What the fuck am I doing?
Frankie is suddenly frozen. He hears your front door unlock, he hears a voice. Your voice. But he can’t move. His spine is rigid and his feet feel like lead.
He’s here, in your driveway, in front of your house because he had to see you. He’s been staying at Santi’s, but tonight Frankie had been alone with his thoughts for far too long. He figured if he took a drive, it would help clear his head. His conscious mind didn’t tell him where he was going, but drove him to you nonetheless…
Frankie and Santi have been back on American soil for about four weeks now. Still healing from his injuries, he’s almost back to normal, but ribs take an incredibly long time to heal. He’s been patient, knowing that if anyone found out he was alive, it would ruin everything. But knowing you were so close and not being able to talk to or see you? He felt like he was losing his ever loving mind…
And now, he’s here. When he absolutely shouldn’t be. This could undo everything he and Santi have spent the last month trying to work out, simply because he couldn't wait a few more days…. Fuck!
Especially with Tom not being officially dealt with yet. He was putting you in danger by simply being here.
You, on the other hand, have been trying to get his attention, even though you have no idea who he is yet. Frankie never stopped to think about how you would react to seeing him. He just pulled into your driveway and walked right up the porch steps, but as soon as his knuckles made contact with the door, he realized how insane it was for him to just show up like this. He instantly turned around and tried to run off toward the car. It was dark outside, the only light besides the moon came from your porch, so he was partially in the shadows when he heard the door open which stopped him dead in his tracks.
“Hello?”
With his back still to you, Frankie shudders at hearing your voice. His urge to turn around and run to you so overwhelming, his fists were clenching and his fingernails were carving half moons into his palms.
“Um,” Frankie clears his throat to give his voice a deeper tone. “Uh, I was just uh lookin for Tom. Ha, yeah my dumbass didn’t even notice his truck was missin’. Sorry t’ bother ya… I’ll just be on my way….” And with that he starts walking back to the rental Santi had gotten him.
He prays it’s enough to deter you. He knows he fucked up by coming here. He wants nothing more than to feel the warmth of your skin, to hold you and let you know that he never stopped thinking about you the entire time he was gone.
But he couldn’t do that to you yet. You didn’t know he was alive and he selfishly rushed over without thinking- idiot.
He doesn’t hear a response to his half-assed attempt at a cover, so he relaxes slightly as he quickly approaches the driver's side door…. Completely missing a small divot in the gravel driveway and tripping over his own feet.
“Oof!” Frankie’s hands fly in front of him to catch himself against the side of the car. His palms smack hard with the screech of his skin against the glossy paint.
“Shit!” He’s grateful the car had been there or he probably would’ve fallen flat on his face.
“Oh my gosh, are you ok?!” No no no no no… He keeps his head down, but chances a glance over in your direction, and sees your figure running over to him. shit.
“Nah, m’ alright! Just tripped over my feet is all. I’m ok!” He really hates the way his voice sounds. He’s added a ridiculous southern drawl, pitifully trying to disguise it from you and it’s shaky and high pitched now with adrenaline from the fall.
“Here you dropped— this.” The last word coming out slowly.
“What the hell?”
Frankie hears it in your voice. He reaches a hand to his head and of course his hat is missing. Having fallen off of his head when he tried to catch himself.
He can hear your breathing pick up, can hear what you’re about to say before you say it and he winces— “Frankie??” Your voice is strained and raw. You’re crying.
Turning his head even further, he squeezes his eyes shut. Foolishly trying to hide his face in an almost childlike notion that if he can’t see you then you can’t see him.
He feels you near his shoulder.. You’re not touching him, but he can feel your presence. “Frankie?” You say, barely above a whisper.
“Look at me? —please?”
Keeping his head down, he slowly opens his eyes. He can see you in his peripheral vision. The porch light glowing behind you shrouds your form in a damn near perfect halo of light.
With a deep breath he stands up straight, turning fully to face you.
Your intake of breath is sharp, almost piercing to his ears. Your hand quickly comes up to cover your mouth and he can see you trembling.
Frankie’s lips part, about to say something when you barrel into him, pushing him back against the car. You wind your arms around his body, as far as you can with his arms coming around to pull you in tight. Much like when he first saw Santi again, he tries to stifle his grunts of pain at the impact. Not giving a shit in the slightest when he’d gladly take this pain and then some if it meant he could keep holding you.
You’re not sure how long you both stay that way. Neither of you are willing to let go for fear that this isn’t real. Frankie’s rubbing your back, nuzzling his face into your hair. Your scent overwhelming him completely, as he tries to keep his breathing even.
“How?—How are you here right now?” The hurt laced in your tone is equal parts confusion and disbelief. You take another moment. You don’t want to pull away, but you have to know.
“Everyone thinks you’re dead Frankie. How are you here? What happened? Tom said…”— Frankie cuts you off, but only because he wants you both to preferably be sitting down when he tells you.
“Hey.” Frankie’s voice is stern, but calm.
“Can we maybe go inside to talk? You’re shivering.”
You nod, and Frankie’s hand comes up to slowly cup your cheek. His thumb ghosts over your bottom lip before he reaches down to grasp your hand.
You don’t say anything as you walk back to the house. His palm completely envelops your small hand and he makes no move to release it even as you walk inside.
You are unbelievably warm. Your velvety walls clench him so tightly within your heat, Frankie thinks he would gladly die here.
No, no if he was going to die, he wants it to be with his name on your lips as he goes down on you. Hearing your little whimpers, knowing that he could bring you there, bring you to such a height with only his mouth. He’s happy he’s not dead, but what a way to go.
Your hands are tangled in his hair, rubbing at his head, then pulling lightly on his curls when his tongue swipes in just the right way.
You pull him up to you and bring your hands to his cheeks. You frame his face and stare up at him. His eyes are glazed over and he feels drunk, drugged on your taste and he kisses you then. He wants you to taste yourself. To taste what he does when he loses himself in your decadent heat. He sucks the tip of your tongue into his mouth and flicks it with his own. “Frankie,” you moan his name and it is music to his ears.
He wants to hear you do it again.
“Frankie,” but your lips aren’t moving…..
“Frankie….” He can hear your voice clear as day, but you’re just smiling up at him…..
“Frankie…” you whisper lightly.
He doesn’t respond so you say his name a little louder, but soft enough so as not to startle him. “Frankie. Frankie, wake up..” You reach over and shake him lightly.
Frankie realizes like a bucket of cold water just hit him, that he’d been asleep. Unfortunately, the rest of his body is taking a little longer to catch up. So instead of saying anything, he just stares back at you.
“Are you ok?”
He looks at you like he’s seen a ghost, but nods his head reassuringly. He must’ve been really tired. It’s taking him longer than completely necessary to come back to himself.
“I need to go check on the baby… but I’ll be right back.”
“Wait… Tom? What time is it?”
He knows he’s been here too long.
“It’s about 5:30. It’s ok Frankie, he’s not here. He must’ve stayed with one of the guys last night.” He nods, slight panic settling in, but then you whisper, “I’ll be right back ok?”
“Ok,” his voice is still rough with sleep.
You laugh a little to yourself as you get up and make your way to the baby’s room. It’s still a little jarring to you that he’s lying in your bed. That’s he’s here at all… You can’t wrap your head around it.
You had talked for what seemed like hours. He went over what happened after their mission went sideways. How he survived, and how he managed to make it home. Obviously glazing over some of the more crude details for your sake, but it didn’t matter because he was here with you now.
At some point, you had both laid down, still talking, but facing each other. As his eyes got heavier, you didn’t have it in you to cut the conversation short.
Neither of you were thinking much of anything past just being here with the other. Tom was simply an afterthought that somehow escaped your minds entirely.
So when you felt sleep trying to pull you under, you asked him to stay.
And he stayed.
While you and Frankie had been getting reacquainted, Tom had been with Santi. He had convinced him to come out for the night, the objective being to get him shitfaced enough to let slip what had actually happened the day Frankie “died.”
Frankie couldn’t have picked a worse time to go see you. If everything went correctly, they would’ve gotten a confession from Tom, possibly with even Benny and Will present. However, Tom hadn’t been out with the guys in quite some time, so he went at it hard, having started well before he had even left to go meet Santi. Things got out of hand rather quickly and Santi knew that they would have to come up with a different idea. He was texting Frankie to let him know, but couldn’t get a reply. He tried texting him a few times with no response, so he stepped away and tried to call. It went straight to voicemail. “Fuck Fish, what are you doing??” He called his own house phone, kept mainly for emergencies, just to be sure that Frankie wasn’t there.
He called again and again and still couldn’t reach him.
Tom woke up with a start on Santi’s couch. He wasn’t exactly thrilled.
“Shit, Pope?” Tom grinds the heel of his palms into his eyes, ridding himself of sleep that is quickly replaced by panic. “Why the fuck didn’t you just take me home?”
“Calm down alright…. We’re lucky we even made it here. It was like one in the morning before we left the bar and since my place was closer, I told you just to crash here.”
Tom looks like he’s trying to remember, but is drawing a blank. Before he can question it, Santi gives him a swat to the shoulder, and chuckles to himself— really selling it.
“—You can’t remember shit can ya?”
To Tom, Santi had been matching him shot for shot, when in reality he had stopped much earlier after slipping the bartender a little something extra to give him something besides alcohol.
Tom just rubs his temples and groans, obviously hungover and Santi sighs quietly in relief. “Let me just get dressed and I’ll take you home”
-
Probably the best at keeping his composure when under pressure, Santi knew that he was running the risk of bumping into Frankie at Tom’s place because he knew that that’s exactly where he went. He just had to hope that Frankie knew what he was doing and would be gone by the time they got there. It didn’t stop Santi from sending text after text to try and give him a heads up though.
“What the fuck Fish?!?!”
As soon as Santi walks in, he lays into Frankie.
“Man I know, I know how much you wanted to see her, but fuck, we could’ve had this done by now.”
“I know. I’m sorry.“ Frankie rubs the back of his neck.
“What were you thinking?”
“I couldn’t get out of my head, alright? So I took a drive—
—That’s where I ended up. I tried to leave before she saw me, but, didn’t work out that way. I fucked up, but we can still do this.”
“Him waking up here is a red flag. It’s never happened before but I knew I couldn’t risk bringing him home. When I couldn’t get you, I knew where you went. We got lucky this morning, Fish… I don’t know that he’s going to be as loose going forward. He’s a piece of shit, but he’s smart and when he thinks anything’s off, he puts his guard up. We have to think of a new plan.”
What Santi doesn’t know is that Frankie already has a plan in motion…
“I think I got us covered — You feel like making a trip to the safe house?”
After Frankie leaves you, sure enough Tom comes waltzing in, hungover and looking like a wreck. Santi follows him in and tells him to go shower while he makes you guys breakfast. His “treat” for not getting him home last night.
As soon as Tom’s in the shower, Santi asks you what happened. You explain that Frankie showed up and told you about.. well, everything. You guys eventually fell asleep, but Frankie’s phone was already dead. He left as soon as he saw the messages which was shortly before they arrived. Santi knew they didn’t have time to discuss it before Tom would be out of the shower so he tells you to trust that he and Frankie have it figured out.
After Santi cooked some scrambled eggs and toast, everybody sat down to eat. It was quiet and more awkward than normal. Hungover Tom was whiny and would mope around most of the day unless he had a showing. You were grateful that today he did have a showing so you knew you would have some time to let your mind decompress since Tom arrived just moments after Frankie left…
You go back into your room after checking on the baby, to find Frankie searching for something.
“Do you have a charger? My phone’s dead and I forgot to let Santi know I left. It wasn’t exactly part of the plan for me to come here.”
“Of course, here..” you hand him the charger and he sets it down on your nightstand before taking your hand and sitting you both on the edge of the bed.
His thumb is making lazy circles over your hands as his gaze is centered there. You lean in and rest your head on his shoulder.
This is the closest contact you’ve had with him aside from the hug you shared when he first arrived. You don’t know what exactly is holding you back, holding him back… You don’t want to question anything, so you don’t bother pushing the issue. You both seem content enough with simply being in each others’ presence… Soaking up as much as you can while he’s here, you also don’t feel the need to fill the silence. The only sound currently is his breathing, strong inhales and slow exhales that bring you peace, knowing he’s right here with you.
Before you know it though, you hear an almost constant string of ‘buzz buzz buzzing’ sounds coming from the nightstand… Frankie’s phone finally having enough charge to turn on…
He knows there are sure to be several texts from Santi, but the sheer amount is staggering… He reluctantly breaks his hold of your hands and looks through the messages.
“Shit shit shit….. fuck. I’m sorry.. I have to go.”
Frankie stands up quickly and starts fumbling for his things.
“What’s wrong?”
You could tell he was nervous, almost frantic even, by the way he was patting himself down. His keys and wallet were in his jacket pocket already. All he needed was his phone, but he kept pacing the room, searching for any evidence of himself being there.
He held it together pretty well for the most part and you knew it was mainly for your benefit.
“I really shouldn’t have stayed. Tom could’ve shown up at any time last night. —I’m a fucking idiot.”
He clocks the hurt look on your face immediately, turning toward you.
“No, no, no… hey, hey.. I’m glad I came here.” He puts his hands delicately on either side of your face, making sure you hear him.
“Whatever happens, it’ll all be worth it to be here with you right now. But, I want to get this done right. Santi’s on his way here with Tom…. I fucked up, but I still have time if I leave now. I'll get a hold of you as soon as I can, ok?”
“Frankie… Frankie, wait.. please. It’s ok… I’m not scared of him anymore. I’m tired of hiding. I just got you back…”
“Not yet, not yet… We have to get him to admit what he did. I… wait”
Frankie is feeling around the pockets of his jeans, looking for something, before eventually finding it in his inner jacket pocket.
“Here, take this.”
“What is it??”
“Just keep it with you and leave it on. I think I have another idea.”
“Frankie, please..”
“I need you to trust me. We don’t have time right now, but I promise you….”
With both hands still on your face he leans his forehead against yours…
“I’m not going anywhere.”
After Santi left, Tom was supposed to get ready for one of his showings, leaving you alone to make sense of everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. Instead, he decided to take the day off. Basically he was just hungover, and used the excuse to reschedule the showing for another day. After a while, he went to sit on the couch. He turned on the TV and without looking toward you, he said “you seem different.”
You had mercifully just gotten the baby down for a nap…. The monitor sat in the kitchen so you could hear if he began to stir. You had hoped that it would be another quiet afternoon, but today you weren’t so lucky. Tom’s question instantly has you on edge.
“How so?”
“I don’t know. You seem, better?”
“Tom, what’s this about?”
You were tired. There was rarely a day that went by that Tom didn’t question you about one thing or another.
“Here. Come sit.” What?
Tom pats the spot on the couch next to him. You feel your insides churning. This is bad. He never, ever asks you to sit next to him. There were never kind touches, or cuddling or anything remotely resembling affection between the two of you and you were immediately on alert.
You slowly make your way to the couch and sit on the very edge. Cautious as to what in the hell this was.
Tom looks to you then. His eyes almost seem regretful? “I don’t tell you enough how beautiful you are. I’m sorry.” He reaches over and pats your knee. You don’t budge. Your eyes are focused on his hand as he slowly gives it a squeeze before returning to his lap.
“Tom. What’s going on?”
“I got a call earlier.” He seems withdrawn. Like he’s just trying to keep himself together.
When he doesn’t immediately keep going you ask, “ok, and what was the call about?” On the outside you carry yourself well. You act as though you have nothing to worry about. On the inside, everything is screaming to you that this is dangerous. Something is very very wrong. You have no idea what is about to be thrown at you.
“They um…. It was from Pope.”
“But he was just here. Is everything ok??”
“Yeah, yeah he’s fine. He actually received the call..” His eyes are unfocused, just blankly staring toward the TV. The voices droning on in the background meld together and set the tone.
You stayed quiet. There was no upside to rushing him.
“Did I ever tell you how I met Fish?” Oh no, oh no….. fuck this was bad.
“That was Frankie right?” Your voice cracks on his name.
“Yeah.” his head hits the back cushion of the couch and he looks over to you. He looks like he might cry.
“Francisco “Catfish” Morales. You know he was like a little brother to me. He joined the team shortly before Benny did. He’d known Pope for a long time and he was fresh in the service. They always come in feeling high and mighty. Ready to serve God and Country and he was no different. He was good, I’ll give him that. He hit all his marks, and was a helluva pilot right out of the gate.”
“Tom, why are you talking about Frankie?”
Of course you now knew the truth. Frankie had survived his ordeal. The man looking at you now having been the cause. But now Frankie was back home. Obviously, you were different today. You had a piece of yourself, one you had thought gone for good, find its way back to you and you weren’t letting it go again.
But to Tom, he thought you still believed Frankie was missing. So you played along. Anxious to see where this was going.
“Tom?”
“They found him.”
Tom’s eyes squeezed closed, tears that had collected in the corners were now trickling down his cheeks. In all the years you have been with Tom, he has never cried. Not once. This entire thing unnerved you to no end.
“Is he—?”
“They found his body.”
Hearing the words, even knowing they were a lie, made you gasp. Tears immediately slipping down your cheeks.
“But how?” You choke out. “You all knew the likelihood of him surviving the fall was low, but if they’re just now finding him—” You gulp, “how would they know who he was?”
“Dog tags. Fish always wore his dog tags.”
“Oh.” It’s all you can say. You couldn't remember ever seeing Frankie wear dog tags.
“Even though we’ve been out of it the last couple of years, he felt they had some greater meaning, or something like that.”
He seemed genuinely distraught
“I'm sorry Tom. I know he was your friend.” The words feel like acid on your tongue.. Tom was not his friend. But, with the way he was acting, you almost felt bad for him.
Out of nowhere, Tom continues…
“We were arguing.”
“What do you mean?”
“We were talking about you.” He brings a hand up to his face, rubbing his jaw.
“What about me?” He instantly snaps his attention to you. “Don’t play dumb,” he practically hisses the words to you. “You know exactly what we were talking about.”
And just like that he softens back up.. “I just needed to hear it from him. Needed him to admit to what he’d done.”
“You never told me what happened that day. Just that he went missing. That he slipped and fell and that you couldn’t find him.”
Tom doesn’t seem to hear you. He just continues on….
“He kept trying to dodge my questions. Kept saying we didn’t have time to talk about it blah blah blah… He just didn’t want to admit it.”
“Ok. So, what happened?”
“I got him to talk. Got him to finally admit to his betrayal. To yours…..”
Tom is looking at you and you feel a stab of guilt for your part in what had happened. Did you regret it? Not at all. What you had with Tom was a lie. A farce. Just a decoy to help protect your mother.
What you had with Frankie was Real. And you could never regret something like that.
But you were married to Tom and that fact bothered you. You weren’t a cheater, even though you didn’t believe that that’s what you had done. It still bothered you that to anybody else, you had.
You decide to try and keep the conversation going… “Ok. Then what happened?”
“Hmph, something I never thought I'd have to do. Never imagined that I’d have to put him down.”
There it was.
You weren’t sure how to respond.
Tom catches the shock on your face, and tries to counter, but you cut him off.
“What do you mean by put down?” You knew. You knew exactly what he meant, but it was your turn to want to hear him speak the words. “I just mean I had to put him in his place. Fish never was good at lying so I asked him flat out.”
“What did he say??”
“He told me what happened. Between you two.”
“But I had already told you what you needed to know, Tom. Why would you question something you already knew?”
“Because what little info I got from you had to be forced out of you!” You wince at the memory. Pushing down the bile trying to make its way out of your throat, you were grateful that you’d broken his nose before because he chose to leave you alone for the most part. But that night was something you wanted to forget.
“Ok, so what did he have to say that was different from what I told you??”
“Not so much different. He very clearly fucked you. Tell me, how was it for you?”
“Tom, we’re not having this conversation. You asked me to come to you. What’s your point.”
“Part of me held out hope. That maybe he could’ve lived through it. After all the bullshit we’ve lived through, just seemed like a shitty way to go. He just couldn’t keep his mouth shut….”
There it was again. You wanted to latch on to it, like Tom was trying to admit to what he had done. You just didn’t want to seem too eager and tip him off that something was up.
“You still haven’t told me how it was with him? Did he worship you? Did he make love to you?”
“God, Tom stop! He’s gone. Why are you still acting like this?”
“He made a comment to me before, uh before everything happened..”
“And? What did he say?”
“Oh, he told me that he didn’t fuck you. He said that he “loved” you. Told me he worshipped you and showed you what it was supposed to be like.”
You’re crying now. The tears are running down your face as you try to quietly blink them away. You couldn’t believe that Frankie’s words were coming out of Tom’s mouth. Why?? Why would he tell you this?Where was he going with it?
“My pretty little wife, did you enjoy yourself when you fucked my best friend? Did he show you what love was supposed to be like? Hmm??”
“Tom stop. I’m done with this. Either get to your point or leave me the fuck alone.”
“You forget sweetheart, it doesn’t matter to me what you do… you’re mine. I’ll never let you be rid of me.”
“Yes, I know. You remind me of that fact often, but it doesn’t mean I have to look at you, or like you, or respect you. You go and do whatever you want. I could honestly care less. And now, I’m done listening to you.”
“Good.” He seems smug. You wish you could wipe the look right off of his face.
You get up and storm to the kitchen. You’re still not sure what the fuck was even happening. Why was he being this way?
After a long pause, “You know,” he hollers at you. “I think you did like it. Didn’t you?” He’s still sitting on the couch..
You outwardly sigh because this wasn’t going to end. He was itching for a fight and you were the unfortunate soul who had to deal with it.
“What do you mean Tom? Huh? What did I like?”
Tom just glares over at you now. His eyes are still a little bloodshot and he looks tired. He stands up and makes his way over. You were at the sink, trying to start a load of dishes to assuage your frustration before he decided to chime in again.
You can feel him standing behind you. He’s not touching you, but you can practically feel his stale breath on your neck.
“You liked how he fucked you, didn’t you?” His voice is lower, his words said through clenched teeth…
“Was he very different from me?”
“You tell me Tom….. how were all the other women you’ve slept with during our marriage?”
“That’s not what I asked....” Tom doesn’t miss a beat, and continues.
“There's no harm in just answering a simple question sweetheart. I saw to it that it would never happen again, so just tell me…”
Again. He’s being vague, but you are bound to get him to spit it out. The recorder Frankie gave you sitting safely in your pocket. You decide then that this was probably your last chance. Tom was smart, but today he was hungover, and not on his game. That wouldn’t be the case going forward. It was now or never, so.. you decided to tell him the truth.
“Yes.” Stated simply, no malice, no sarcasm, just the simple truth.
“Is that right?” You turn around and face him now. Your back against the sink. He doesn’t back away and instead is barely inches from you.
“Yes, Tom…. I’m not sure what else you want me to say. I answered your question, so leave me alone.”
“Ah ah ah, no ma’am….. I want to hear about it. I want to know all the dirty details about you and Fish….”
“You’re sick, you know that? Why? Why would you want to know? He’s gone Tom, just let it go!” You’re sick to your stomach because you’re not sure how this is going to play out… he was deranged and out of his mind.
“Yeah he’s gone. So it shouldn’t hurt to just tell me what happened that night should it??” He moves in just a little closer, essentially caging you in, but you stand firm. You’re not scared of him anymore.
“We had sex Tom… as you already know. Unless I need to explain to you how sex works, you know what happens…” God please, why was he doing this?
“I’m well aware of the mechanics babe… but that’s not what he told me you did. He told me that he “loved you,” tell me the difference…. Did he love you?”
You can’t help your small smile at that because, yes… He did love you. You were sure of it. And you loved him. And he was alive, but Tom didn’t know that. You look at your feet for a second and then look back up at Tom.
“Yes—he did.”
You brace yourself as you feel his hands instantly grip your upper arms… not painfully, but firm.
“How so?” Tom says, gritting his teeth. You’re not sure what he’s after, but his voice almost breaks on the last word. He’s in pain. Not because he loves you, more like the equivalent of a child finding out someone else played with their favorite toy. An object. His jealousy was the result of pure possession.
“He took care of me, Tom. He made me feel wanted, not owned.” You feel his grip tighten, but you’re emboldened by your feelings for Frankie, that you know he feels too. So you continue in spite of the almost unhinged look he’s giving you now.
“Frankie Listened to me, he talked to me, he.. he loved me. And then, he made love to me. For the first time in my life, I got to experience what that felt like.”
Tom’s grip on your arms is past the point of pain now and you’re sure there will be bruises, but you press on….
“So to answer your question, my dear husband… Yes, he loved me.”
You wait a moment to allow the words to sink in, before hitting it home—
“—And I loved him.”
You close your eyes, because you know what happens next. You oddly feel more free than you have in years… Telling Tom exactly what you thought and not worrying about the consequences. But nothing happens. Instead, you feel him loosen his iron grip on your arms as his hands fall to his sides.
When you open your eyes, he’s just staring at you. His empty stare makes goosebumps erupt across your skin.
“I killed him.”
Surely you’re not hearing him correctly, but your jaw still drops at the words.
“Tom?”
“I killed him.”
You know you need to speak but your mouth refuses to form any words… you’re just standing there, frozen. Was it fear? Or shock? A combination of both?
Shock that he actually admitted it, on recording, but also fear for what this meant moving forward. The only thing you get out is the question you’d been asking yourself every day since Frankie went missing… With tears running down your cheeks you quietly ask, “why?”
And then his demeanor completely changes…
“Because, baby, he wasn’t just going to stop. He would’ve kept coming back, to try to get you to run away with him, and I couldn’t have that… to think about you leaving hurt me so much…. You’re my wife, and the mother to my child. I couldn’t let him ruin our perfect family.”
You were used to his mood swings in general, but this was like a completely different entity had taken over and your jaw hangs loose with the weight of it.
Frankie’s alive. He’s alive…. You’ve seen him, you’ve held him, but Tom’s delusional state leaves you feeling completely unnerved. He hadn’t succeeded in killing Frankie. By the Grace of God he survived, but what was to stop Tom from finishing the job once he found out he was alive??
He backs up and reaches for your hand.. “Here, come with me..” He carefully leads you to the couch where he pulls down a photo album from the bookshelf. He sits down beside you and opens it up. “See? It’s our wedding day…” He nudges your shoulder with his own. “We looked pretty happy here didn’t we?”
You reluctantly look down at the album. Taking you back to another time, another life. You did in fact look happy. You were about to begin a new life with someone you thought was going to take care of you. You were nervous, but could’ve never dreamt what life would have in store for you.
“And that night? I’ll never forget it. I know you won’t either. It was your first time after all.” He’s looking at you with a hungry expression that makes you want to vomit.
You remember that day…
The wedding was small, but charming. Your family; your mama, Abuelo and your cousins were all there and you were truly excited to take this new step in life even if it wasn’t what you had intended. Tom even seemed genuine in the beginning.
The night in question was your first time being intimate with anyone. And it set the stage for what you could expect from there on out. The night wasn’t limited to just one occurrence either. The very first time, Tom, was extremely gentle with you. He tried to be soothing and talk you through it, preparing you as it was likely to be painful. He was also quite a bit older and much more experienced and you trusted him to take care of you.
He brought you to orgasm for the first time using his fingers and kissing you through it. He wanted you to be comfortable before moving further and it was actually… Wonderful—
You’d never experienced an orgasm before and if this was how it was, you could only imagine what it would be like to actually have sex. You were anxious, but also excited to take the next step.
When he entered you for the first time, he was slow and tried to allow you time to accommodate his size. He made sure you were ok and continued as you nodded.
He made little comments during, like, “you’re so tight. My God, I’m not gonna last baby ....”
It didn’t take long before he pulled out abruptly and came on your stomach. His words a blur, but he kept babbling things like “so amazing… you’re so beautiful.. I can't wait to do it again..” but you were too overwhelmed to really hear him.
You were sore, but not terribly uncomfortable. You were still reeling from everything that had happened in general. Tom had his arm around you and you both just laid in the afterglow as a married couple. There was maybe fifteen minutes of peace, before Tom was ready for round two.
“Alright pretty girl, let’s see what kind of mess you made….” You knew what sex entailed, you knew the first time would hurt, and you also knew that you were likely to bleed the first time… but seeing it, and seeing Tom’s expression change from curiosity to hunger, made you visibly shudder…
“Look at you… that’s beautiful.” He wasn’t looking at your face.
Between your legs was a mess of your slick tinged with blood. You were immediately embarrassed and moved to get up and clean yourself off, but Tom stopped you with his hand… “No wait, leave it…. It'll help make it easier this time…”
“We’re doing it again?” Your voice was full of confusion, you thought it was a one and done thing, not multiple times in one night.
“Of course, it’s our wedding night sweetheart. I plan to make love to you all night, and then again and again for the rest of our lives…” You gulp, but he moves in and catches your lips in a greedy kiss. One that leaves your head spinning as he lays you back down. He parts your legs and makes a show of using your slick to coat his cock before he enters you, never again as gentle as the first time.
You think he has wholly and completely lost his mind. He was speaking as if he hadn’t put you through hell the last seven years. As if you both had always been in love and that this was just a little blip in your otherwise beautiful lives together. He was insane.
“Why are you showing this to me Tom?”
“To show you.. No, to remind you who you belong to. Who that kid belongs to…” he chuckles at his exact use of the words he spoke to Frankie back in Colombia.
“If I belong to you then why did you have to kill Frankie???”
“Because he was asking for it. He would’ve just kept coming back for you like a goddamned golden retriever, trying to save you from me. But I put that pathetic dog down—
And now,”
Tom moves to sit closer to you, “I have the both of you to myself and everything can go back to normal.”
“Go to hell Tom. I am never going to be happy with you; you’re a fucking monster...” You can’t help break in your voice or the tears as they cascade down your face. He just smirks ever so slightly and leans in closer…
“Maybe. But I’m your monster…. Isn’t. That. Right?” Tom punctuates the last word by tapping his finger hard against your nose.
He gets up and chuckles to himself, walking down the hallway to your shared bedroom. He closes the door and leaves you to your thoughts.
Your heart is racing, but you do your best remain calm. You gently pat the pocket holding the voice recorder and will your breathing to slow down. You fucking got him. You had Tom, on tape, confessing to murder.
And you couldn’t wait to give it to Frankie.
Taglist: @boliv-jenta @just-here-for-the-moment @harriedandharassed @hnt-escape @quica-quica-quica @bitchwitch1981 @jb2856 @readingiskeepingmegoing @dashavau @queridopascal-main @littlemisspascal @tanzthompson @something-tofightfor @imaswellkid @sunnysidekit @autumnleaves1991-blog @mymo-n @wildemaven @pastelnap @rhoorl @pimosworld @spookyxsam @luciferiorbxtch @alwaysdjarin @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin
A/N: I’m always super anxious about posting, but am just trying not to let myself overthink it. Let me know your thoughts and as always, thank you for reading! Your comments, questions, like and reblogs absolutely make my day and I appreciate every one of them ❤️
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akariamai · 8 days
Text
Romeo & Juliet [Part 2]
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Pairing: Jacob Black x OC!Swan
Word Count: 1616
Part 1 Part 3
Author's Note I changed a few things to better fit the story. Jacob will be a year younger than Bella. Bella's friends are semi-different than how they are portrayed in the books/movies. Sam and Leah were never in a relationship. Imprinting on children is not a thing. Hope you enjoy the story and sorry it took so long to write the second part of this.
~~~
Sloan and her sister used to be best friends. They were two peas in a pod, but ever since the move to Forks, her strange fascination with the Cullen boy, and the start of her relationship with Edward, their relationship has dwindled.
Bella became more distant and secretive. Sloan understood that a relationship meant change and less time for the two of them, but she didn’t think the relationship would take priority over everything. Bella was in love, that was certain, but she left no time for friends or family. Edward was her world. There was no place for anyone else. Not their dad, their mother, Sloan, or even herself.
Sloan did miss the relationship they used to have. Tranquil car rides to school, mindless arguments over their favorite classic literature, and the late-night talks they used to have. Sloan never realized how meaningful those things used to be until they were gone. It all went away as soon as Edward came into their lives.
Their eighteenth birthday came and went, and Bella was more frantic than ever. The reason? Sloan had no clue. Sloan didn’t know much about Bella these days. She does know Bella was quiet after her birthday party at the Cullen’s house. Something happened, and whatever it was rocked Bella. The days that followed were marked by an absence of the Cullen family, and it barely went unnoticed by everyone except Bella. Bella felt lost without them, but most importantly Edward. Unfortunately for Sloan and her father, they would both come to realize the extent of Bella’s dependence of the Cullens.
Sloan tried to be empathetic towards her sister. She had never been through a breakup herself, but normal heartache does not leave a person lifeless and empty. She had imagined how their first heartbreak would entail, watching sappy romance movies and eating ridiculous amounts of ice cream, it was nothing like this. She had never imagined a boy would leave her sister like a lifeless doll.
Bella would mindlessly stare out her window, day in and day out, as if waiting for Edward to save her from her isolation. It was a lost cause, however, as he and his family moved away and Bella was left with the memories of what once was.
Every night in the Swan’s residence is plagued with the screams of her sister. A good night’s rest was a luxury now and both Sloan and her father felt the effects of the lack of sleep.
“Bella.” Sloan began as she found her sister in the same place as when she left her. “Do you want to go hang out with our friends? We’re going to La Push again. They miss you.” Bella had completely shut down after the breakup. She resembled a lifeless doll waiting for a child to find it and play with it. She spent her days waiting for Edward to come back.
“I miss him.” Her voice was barely a croak. Her lips bleeding slightly as she had not drank the water Sloan had left on her desk.
Sloan sighed. Edward was not worth this. “This isn’t normal, Bella. You need help.” She’ll need to bring up therapy to her father. Bella couldn’t keep living this this. Maybe a change a scenery would be helpful as well.
“I need him.”
“No you don’t.” Bella liked to believe in soulmates. It was a frequent topic of arguments between the two. She believes there is one person for everyone and finding that person is magical and sacred. Sloan should’ve known that Bella would’ve considered Edward as hers.
Sloan didn’t believe in soulmates. The idea that out of thousands of people there is only one that is just right. That seems implausible. “Are you sure you don’t want to go?” Bella stayed silent. Sloan walked out of Bella’s room silently, closing the door on her way out.
~~~
“How’s Bella?” Mike asked as they unloaded the cooler filled with refreshments. Eric and Jessica went ahead and found a respectable spot, while Angela went to snap a few pictures of the ocean waves.
“Not good.” Sloan mentions. “I don’t think staying in Forks is helping either. Maybe there’s too many memories of him.”
“He really messed her up, didn’t he?” Mike has never seen anyone take a breakup as hard as Bella. He had seen tears split over the loss of a relationship or an occasional screaming match between old lovers, but never something like that.
It made him reevaluate the relationship between Bella and Edward. They were too attached. Too obsessed with each other.
He remembered a conversation he’d had with Bella when her newfound relationship became public. He warned her about the way Edward watched her, as if he were a lion eyeing his prey. It may have come off as disdain. He had liked Bella before Edward dug his claws into her, and maybe the disdain part was true to some extent, but Bella had to know the way Edward stalked her when she wasn’t looking. If only he had voiced his observations more.
Sloan nodded. She really needed to have a conversation with her father. Bella needs help that they are not qualified to give. Mike and Sloan went silent as they carried the cooler to the beach. Jessica and Eric had placed the inflatable pools in a half circle. All three of the inflatable pools were heart-shaped. Angela thought it would be a better idea than bringing a beach blanket.
They watched the waves crash onto the beach as they spoke about their aspirations for the future. High school was coming to an end. Much faster than any of them had anticipated. There was a whole world outside of their small town. Were they ready? Were they prepared? They had no clue, but they’ll take it one step at a time.
The group of friends didn’t see the sulking boy wander closer towards them. The conversation ended abruptly as a familiar name was called out: “Sloan?”
They all turned to the boy. “Jacob?” Sloan hadn’t spoken to Jacob since he and his father came to watch the game with her dad. They were both busy with friends and school. They hadn’t found time for each other. “Are you okay?”
“Not really.” He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his shorts.
“Do you want to join?” Sloan offered, “We were just about to crack open a few soda cans and talk about our deepest, darkest secrets.”
The others laughed, and even Jacob cracked a smile. “I don’t want to impose.”
“Not imposing if you’re invited.” Mike chimed in.
“Come on.” Sloan motioned for Jacob to join her. “We brought extra, and it would be rude if you didn’t help us finish our snacks.”
Jacob joined her awkwardly, snacking on the chocolate-covered strawberry Sloan offered him.
“We were just talking about summer plans. Do you have anything planned yet?” Summer was months away, and their graduation was on the horizon. They wanted to do something memorable and fun.
“Not yet.” He admitted. He would probably do the same things as always. Hang out with Embry and Quil, and take care of his father.
“We were thinking about planning a road trip after graduation.” Angela said, “Would you like to join? We wouldn’t want Sloan to be the fifth wheel.”
Jacob was taken aback by the invitation. They didn’t know him on a personal level, and yet they were so kind to him. It might’ve had something to do with him being friends with Sloan.
“Yeah, you should come, man.” Eric said.
“It’ll be fun.” Jessica replied.
Jacob didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know. Maybe?” He needed time to think.
“When we come up with a game plan, we’ll let you know, and then you can decide.” Sloan placed her hand on his shoulder. “There’s no rush.”
Jacob nodded before the conversation shifted once again. Sloan’s friends were nice. They made him feel welcomed. They included him in their conversations, even when he had little to say.
As the day turned to night, the group of friends plus one started packing their things. “See you at school, Sloan.” Jessica waved goodbye as she entered Mike’s car. “It was nice meeting you, Jacob.”
Jacob nodded. “You too.”
“Let me know when you make it back home, Sloan.” Mike said.
“I will.” She replied as she and Jacob entered her car. They watched as her friends drove off.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She interjected.
Jacob began, “I have this friend—well, I had a friend—Sam, and he disappeared for a while. He didn’t tell anyone where he was going. He didn’t call anyone to tell us if he was okay. He came back today, and it was like he was a complete stranger. I could barely recognize him.”
“We’ve known each other all our lives, and he changed so suddenly. He said it would be best if we weren’t friends anymore. That it was 'safer' for me to stay away. What does that mean? Is he in trouble? I want to be there for him. Why doesn’t he want me to be there for him?”
“Jacob,” Sloan said, reaching for his hand and gently rubbing it. “Sometimes people want to get through their problems alone. It has nothing to do with you, but more with him. Maybe he feels like a burden and doesn’t want to pile his problems on you. Maybe he needs to take some time for himself—find himself. Maybe one day he’ll explain everything once the dust settles.”
“I just want to be there for my friend.” He says, “I never thought we would go on without each other.”
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cripplecharacters · 2 years
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When writing characters with mobility aids, how often should the mobility aids be mentioned? Do I need to specify where they put the cane when sitting down/that they pick it up before standing? Is it appropriate to say that he walks across the room without mentioning his cane? I don't want to avoid acknowledging it, but I also don't want to constantly remind the reader, as that feels redundant. Thank you!
Hello! Thank you for asking. I think you are right to want to include it without being redundant.
I think, in general, it is fine to not explicitly mention the cane much of the time. I think it’s more important in the beginning of your story to help get readers used to imagining this character with a cane, but as the story goes on, I think it can get easier and easier to not worry about mentioning the cane every single time unless it becomes important, such as deliberately mentioning that this time he is not using it for whatever reason or something along those lines. Or unless it becomes interesting to mention it, such as when something about it is out of the ordinary, such as the character placing it somewhere different from normal for some particular reason or using it in a way they normally don’t for whatever cause.
I would focus on working it in casually though, especially in the beginning of your story. Think of it the way you would mention a character carrying around a cup of coffee or something. It’s not a huge focal point, but the narrative does still casually mention how the character picked up his coffee mug and went over to chat with some coworkers. It isn’t the subject of the scene, but it is still mentioned in a way that incorporates it casually without beating the readers over the head with it, so to speak.
I personally quite like seeing occasional casual mentions of a disabled characters mobility aid, because it does subtly remind you that the character is disabled and uses a mobility aid and helps you remember to imagine it, but does it in such a way that it doesn’t pull your focus away from the actual subject of the moment by making a big production out of grabbing their cane. I love when I don’t hear it mentioned a ton, but there are little subtle lines sprinkled in the way you would sprinkle in any other object or tool. I love little tasteful lines like these:
She came inside covered in sweat, dropped her cane beside the couch, and flopped down—luxuriating in the wonderful coolness of the air.
“I think we’re done here,” he said, the corners of his mouth pinched and tight. And with that, he stood, retrieving his cane from the corner behind his chair and exiting the room, never once looking back.
This time, she ran. He was hot on her tail and all she could do was sprint through the hotel at top speed, tearing around corners and holding her white cane as far out in front of her as she could manage, the sharp, rapid taps mixing with the sound of her own ragged breaths.
These are all examples of working a mobility aid into a scene in a way that helps the reader remember that the character has one, but also doesn’t make the whole scene about the mobility aid when the scene has nothing to do with it. These can be fun little things to sprinkle in occasionally, especially since a couple of them are scenes in which the character is using the mobility aid in a slightly less typical way from what they probably normally do.
Again though, these are just snippets that you would work in once in a while. You don’t have to write mentions like this into the narrative every single time your character moves. I’d still suggest working in casual lines like this a little more frequently in the very beginning, but letting it settle into assumed used after that and only making casual mention of it occasionally, the same way you would any other object or action that isn’t necessarily the focal point but still adds a little bit of flavor and mental imagery.
Mod Lane
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runscold-runsdeep · 8 months
Text
Just A Check-up
Hema (OC)
Warnings/disclaimers: EKGs, OC and an unnamed character, implied anxiety and stress, chest pains and palpitations
Word count: 645
Hema finds himself getting anxious about chest pains and a rapid, pounding heart, so he decides to get it checked out. He's okay, don't worry.
//Author's note
Just something I wanted to write down about my blorbo. My silly guy. I need to start making more content for him, since he's the perfect candidate for these kinds of writings
🫀⸸⛧⸸🫀
Hema shuddered, the cold air of the infirmary chilling his bare torso as he laid back on a rather stiff stretcher, shifting a bit to get comfortable on it after having his heart listened to by the sister of sin who worked the nurse duties in the infirmary. A familiar face in an all too familiar place.
He was far more than just familiar with the Ministry's infirmary, his given vessel being weak upon his summoning resulting in the plague ghoul making frequent, almost daily, visits for tests and diagnosis for whatever disease or abnormality decided to show itself that day. This test was no different.
He twitched slightly, the sticky gel for electrodes against his skin chilling him further. "Ain't there no way you could warm these up before stickin' 'em on me?" Hema complained with his noticeable Southern drawl.
"Are you going to whine the whole time, or do you want to find out why you're experiencing these chest pains and palpitations?" The sister of sin taking nurse duties raised her brow at the ghoul, glaring playfully at him while feigning annoyance.
"Well, I just figured that since I'm a regular visitor I should have some kinda special treatment here." He folded his arms behind his head, which earned him a couple of light jabs to the ribs, making the ghoul jolt and swiftly clamp his elbows to his sides.
"And with how frequent you visit, I'm surprised you haven't learned to keep your arms down at your sides for these types of tests." She scolded.
"Right, right. Sorry." Hema chuckled bashfully.
The nun began gathering the electrodes, which were tangled like webs, sorting them out and placing them where they should go on Hema's body. Soon, the machine did its magic, showing all the peaks and valleys of the demon's heartbeat and printing it all out. They seemed normal. A steady rhythm with no skips or stumbles. There was one issue, however. It was just a little fast for a ghoul of his size. The nun hummed thoughtfully at the paper.
"What? What's it showin'?" Hema leaned up a bit to face her.
She said nothing, setting the paper aside to remove the electrodes from Hema's body, the ghoul wincing whenever the gel tugged at his body hair. "Am I okay?"
"Well," the dark nun began, "It appears normal for the most part, but it's not your usual rhythm." She explained, "Your heart sounded perfectly clear when I listened to it, which leads me to believe there's really nothing wrong with your heart at all. Have you had any caffeine?"
"No, ma'am. It makes me too jittery." He replied truthfully.
"Have you been nervous about anything or stressed out?"
Hema thought hard, his brows furrowing as he looked to the side. "I dunno what I would be stressed about. I mean, this tour is over now, so I shouldn't be stressin' out or nervous 'bought anything."
"Stressors tend to linger, even if you don't think it's there." She turned to a desk, writing something down on a sticky note and handing it to him. "Give this to Papa so he'll know to leave you be for a while. Rest up, drink some chamomile or lavender, chill out for a bit."
Hema glanced over the note before looking to the sister of sin, nodding at her and giving her a soft smile, "Appreciate it." He stood up from the stretcher, stretching, "Hopefully I won't need to bother you again today."
"Hey, you're not a bother." She patted his arm, "I'm here to help you when you need it."
Hema smiled a little wider, "Thanks."
After sending the note off to Papa Emeritus, he did as instructed. He decided to make himself a calming tea and curl up in his den, watching TV and sipping the warm drink. He already felt a little better.
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daylightcommand3 · 6 months
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Role Requeue: Reinhardt
Part 2: Rise of Turret-hardt
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(So glad I get use that again.) Now, before we get to his move set, let’s go over some suggestions and questions about Turret-hardt.
Absolute Unit
The most frequent suggestion I got was not making Reinhardt a sentry. @anonymously20-blog recommended that Reinhardt merely lose his limbs, and have them be replaced. They also recommended that Torbjorn make the new body similar to the crusader armor. Both of these answers defeat the whole point of killing Reinhardt. He would still be the size of a tank with either of those suggestions. He needs an entirely new body shape to fit another role.
I myself considered cutting Reinhardt in half and putting him in a futuristic wheelchair. But then I realized the true problem with Reinhardt’s size. He’s not too tall. He’s too wide. Even at half his size he would be too wide.
And it’s not his armor that’s the problem. It’s his natural size. We’ve all seen the Honor and Glory cinematic. Reinhardt perfectly fills out his massive armor. So his body just has to go.
Reinhardt’s jarring size requires a jarring solution: a entirely new body.
Head in the Game
@purplekoop recommended that Reinhardt just be too injured to continue the fight, and having a procedure would be too risky for him or his friends.
I don't see that happening. Reinhardt will let nothing stop him from joining the fight, even when he really should not join in the fight. That's why I considered wheelchair Reinhardt. Reinhardt would absolutely go through a dangerous procedure for a chance to continue the fight. Also, I don't know how a procedure can be dangerous for others.
However, you are right that having Reinhardt possess the turret is not the best idea. It flies in the face of Overwatch's themes and lore. If Torbjorn can just "hard work pays off" Reinhardt's soul into a turret, then why can't that happen for characters like Gerard? We need a different solution. I don't want a neural network like Echo. As then it would not be Reinhardt. It would instead be technically a new character. You wouldn't call Echo "just Mina Liao". No, she is her own person.
However, after a bit of brainstorming, I created a solution that allows Reinhardt to be in a new body, still be Reinhardt, and not conflict too much with the lore.
Reinhardt did not die after Operation Whitedome, but he was close. He was barely holding on. His body could not be recovered. Torbjorn went right to work after his own recovery. Through the research of Ziegler, Liao, and even O'Deorain, Torbjorn was able to preserve Reinhardt's brain and insert it into a turret. Reinhardt now lives on through the turret, through a slightly more reasonable way.
Much like how Koop suggested, Reinhardt is linked in with the turret. He can control it with his mind, because it is literally his body.
Appearance
Now, the main reason why its best if Reinhardt's body is a turret is because it creates a clear connection to Torbjorn. If Reinhardt was just some random human-esque machine then you could think that anyone could have built him. But if it's a turret shape, then you instantly know it was Torbjorn.
Now, originally I wanted to just put Reinhardt in one of these special push turrets:
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But now I have a slightly different idea. Instead of having some random black block, Reinhardt should have a hammer on the end.
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No matter what, I do believe that Turret-hardt should have Crusader Armor plating. It would help match him to his old aesthetics. The hammer should also obviously be similar to his current hammer.
Moveset
His primary fire would be a simple Swing. It would have less range than his normal hammer swing. You can charge a swing to give it more knockback and damage. I decided to to add this charge mechanic because it sounds new and fun. But also because it adds some depth and skill expression than just mindlessly swinging. Mindlessly swinging would also just not be effective in this.
His secondary fire would be Fire Blast. It's similar to fire strike, except that it actually has ammo, and can be fired much more frequently. The shots still pierce, but they do less damage. The come out from little cannons on the side of the turret.
His first ability is Sweep. Reinhardt stands firm and spins around, knocking all enemies back.
His second ability is Dash. Using a vent on his back, Reinhardt dashes forward (akin to a Hanzo lunge, but longer). If you charge a swing beforehand, you can store the charge and carry it with you. You can even release the swing to hit an opponent mid-air!
His ultimate is Earthquake. Reinhardt slams the ground with his hammer. Sending a circular shockwave around him that stuns all enemy players. It's based off that skill shown in one of the initial Overwatch 2 trailers.
Also, much like Torbjorn and Bastion, Reinhardt will have a small amount of armor.
Conclusion
Overall, I like the idea. No matter how good it actually is. And, nonetheless, I will be stealing the idea for my Overwatch ripoff.
I tried my best to preserve the playstyle of rushing in and going ham. I gave what could be the most feasible reason for Reinhardt being smaller. I elaborated on ideas that weren't thought out too well. I'd say Reinhardt is done.
But then I'd be lying. The complexity of this requeue is a source for confusion and new ideas. I am certain that there has been something I've missed as well. And I'm subsequently certain that "that something" will only occur to me after part 2 is released. So, part 3 is not a question of if, but when. Feel free to give any suggestions or questions.
Next, I will focus on a new... matter of perspective. Hahahahaha
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