#is this like a maladaptive daydreaming thing because I can at least understand why this exists if it is

[gendiebrainrotreceipts]

https://www.tumblr.com/mutt-menace/730796460340396032/transcannibal-a-transidentity-where-someone?source=share&ref=_tumblr

these types of posts keep popping up on my dash and what the fuck is wrong with these people?! There are so many different trans this or that and posts about celebrating parahpillias and I'm honestly worried for this generation(they can't be adults making these posts, right?)

#is this like a maladaptive daydreaming thing because I can at least understand why this exists if it is #if it’s not that then I have no idea #like are these people making headcanons about Hannibal or is if somebody completely different? #radfem safe #gender critical

[captainmera]

Depression has hit me really hard, and a lot of things are happening at the same time.

I'm simultaneously burnt out and on the verge of a collapse, but like... I can't really do anything about it. I'm just sort of waiting for the stick to break so I can work thru it and move along.

I can't even focus on important things like replying to mails without my brain circumventing into something else.

Avpd and burnout is putting me in a constant brain fog these days. And severe maladaptive daydreaming.

I'm trying to be social and grounded, but I feel like everything around me is drowned in mist, and when I speak, it's through molasses.

I know I'm disappointing ppl by putting certain things on hold, like fanfics, my comic, or asks. But I just can't do it r/n. it will come in whatever speed it comes at.

And frankly I'm just too fried and tired to extend more than a sigh of empathy to your frustration with me. I understand you, I do. But I'm just some guy. I'm not getting paid. I'm broke and tired, and I can't be arsed to even be upset.

Atm, I'm doing this Caleb-focused comic mainly just to do something else than hyperventilate or maladaptive daydream. It's helping me have some control over what I disappear into, something physical, rather than sit on the floor and stare off into space.

I could do it for ibwr, I should be putting that energy there.

But there's some stressful things going on there with contracts and whatnot that's put a damper on things. Money is stressful. At least a stressful damper. So it's difficult to concentrate on it with that humming in the background, y'know?

Anyway.

Bear with me, please. I know people are impressed by my productivity and speed - but it's not so impressive once you know I'm just unwell and trying to cope. I also have a lot of time on my hands.

I'm fine, really, I am. /GEN I just can't do four projects at once. I can do two tops. And right now it's the caleb comic and IBWR. That's it.

I'm aware it's not super great to work so much when I'm burnt out.

But know that I'm choosing one pest lesser than another greater pest. So the constant "REST!!" Comments aren't, like, fantastic. I just feel ashamed for not being better than I am or being able to practice what I preach.

Lo and behold, being mentally unwell and not being wholesome healthy about it. Who would've known it is complicated to be unwell, actually? /LHJ /GEN /notSarcasm

I know I don't owe anybody anything. But I just kinda wanted to have a sigh and vague-post-gesture at what I'm standing in to the void of the Internet.

Because I do get comments and asks asking where an update is, or why I didn't draw their ask, or why I'm putting energy in X instead of Y, etc.

So I'm just......... I'm just gonna like....... ignore it. It's not personal.

I love and appreciate your love for my work, I really do. Thank you for all of your excitement and your feedback. Its been a delight. /GEN

But... I'm just gonna have to ignore what the majority of people crave from me and do what I want in the pace I need to do it.

okay? :(

Look. Just allow it fam.

Just allow it.

Using memes to try to communicate some essence of lightheartedness.

#liveblogging

[multiplicity-positivity]

Understanding DID

Hi! We’re a system with dissociative identity disorder. There’s lots of resources out there for learning about complex dissociative disorders of all sorts, and we wanted to make a post to highlight some resources!

Who should learn about DID?

We believe it’s important for everyone to have a basic understanding of dissociative disorders and other stigmatized mental illnesses. Understanding these disorders is one way to help fight stigma! However, you should especially learn about DID if:

- you have a loved one who suffers from DID

- you are a student of psychology or work in a field where you have to interact with traumatized/mentally ill people on a daily basis

- you worry you may suffer from DID

- you are part of a system of any sort, be it traumagenic or not

Why should I learn about DID if I’m nontraumagenic?

Great question! DID is a dissociative disorder that forms in response to repeated childhood trauma (although family dynamics may play a role, and there’s still much to be learned about dissociative disorders in general). Often, this disorder works by hiding or disguising trauma memories. Many people with complex dissociative disorders don’t realize they were traumatized as a child until well into adulthood!

Because of this, many DID systems may believe they are endogenic or otherwise not traumagenic at first. We’re a system who believed we were endogenic, but have since received a DID diagnosis! Knowing the warning signs of trauma and understanding how dissociative disorders appear and manifest can help you recognize if someone in your community may be suffering from a dissociative disorder without knowing it.

Disclaimer: yes, we’re saying “suffering from/with DID.” It can be quite debilitating, and often people are suffering without fully realizing that they are.

Do I have DID?

As a system of any kind, this is probably a good question to ask yourself. Even if you’re certain about being endogenic, it’s always a good idea to consider and subsequently rule out trauma. We’re not saying all systems formed from trauma - we’re saying that dissociative disorders are not always immediately apparent, and it’s a good idea to consider them as an option when first exploring your plurality.

If you’re curious about whether or not you may have a dissociative disorder, please bring this up to a therapist! Talking things through with a trained professional can be so useful in figuring out what’s going on in your mind. Remember just talking about your experience does not set anything in stone. A therapist is not going to diagnose you with anything after just a couple sessions of discussion!

How can I learn more about DID?

Fortunately, there’s a wealth of resources out there for systems and interested singlets to learn more about dissociative disorders. Here’s some resources we’ve found or have been recommended by our therapist!

Podcasts:

System Speak (really really recommend this one!!)

The Bag System

Two Houses

Articles/Websites:

Tumblr Posts:

by plurals-helping-plurals

by dissociativediscourse

by subsystems

by night-wyld-system (particularly on the issues of mistaking a dissociative disorder as endogenic plurality)

Can I ask you (Halberd/the Dreamland System) questions about DID?

Absolutely! We are more than happy to answer any questions we can regarding complex dissociative disorders and our experience with DID. Please keep in mind that we cannot and won’t attempt to diagnose you! We are only able to provide our own experience and understanding of this disorder, although we may share outside resources and links.

We hope some of you find this post beneficial. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or concerns regarding dissociative disorders or traumagenic plurality. Thanks so much for reading! Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful day! :)

#osddid #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #actually dissociative #other specified dissociative disorder #complex dissociative disorder #did resources #plurality #multiplicity #pluralgang

[biiedwin8]

Does Talking to People Ease Your Addiction to Daydreaming?

Today, I'll be answering this question: Does talking to people help with managing your M? You're doing I saw this on where someone say that actually I found the cure for MDD. It's talking to people. It's working for me. And at least in that same thread, I read some that actually when I talk to people, I did dream more. I did even 10 times more because of my low social skills.

That's a typical forum statement, like a forum kind of solution in a forum kind of counter like a counter of the solution. So what happens is with these solutions of like I did this and this happened, it may work for other people and it may not also work for other people. But how do we really know if something is working? Let's stop there because let's say I try. Let's say I'm addicted to daydreaming or I'm addicted to something else and I try something today. Right, let's say I'm addicted to playing chess and then I try something else today. Let's say I try meditation today. Of course, because I've tried something new today, there's always that initial buzz of trying something new. So that initial will of trying something new, the next day I may play for less hours.

Or I may try for less hours. So, I may try something for just a day and then the next day I'm in a forum sharing people. Hey, I tried meditation for a day and I am now daydreaming less. So because I tried something just for a day and then I just tell people that this is this works, people end up thinking that that is the solution. That's really significant data to analyze. Maybe some other factor in this person's life changed, maybe they changed their environment, maybe they did.

So, we can never really know what helped this person to change their daydreaming tendencies. So, don't really follow along so much with the advice people give you like this, this, this, that. No, just come back to yourself and understand that anything you try to manage daydreaming, like the thing you try to manage daydreaming, just know that you are managing a manifestation of an underlying issue, like you're managing a symptom because daydreaming in itself is a coping mechanism. So if you manage a coping mechanism, you're not still dealing with why are you coping in the first place? Like what led to this coping mechanism?

Like what is it about you that you are addicted to something? Like what made this behavior uncontrollable? That is where the solution is because how can a coping mechanism be nullified by another coping mechanism or another strategy? It would really mean, instead of you looking for a coping mechanism, how about you ask yourself, like what happened in my life that led to this addiction?

You'll realize that you started avoiding a couple of things. You may have started avoiding friends, you may have started avoiding your responsibilities, avoiding your emotions, and now you start going back and now start dealing with the emotions. If it's crying, you cry, if it's talking to people, you talk to people. Like it's more like you're reversing the pattern which led you to this addiction is the same place where healing is. Not another thing, not another external factor. No, it is what you avoided. Once you really overcome what you avoided, which is those deep fears, of course you'll overcome the behavior.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with overcoming and managing your maladaptive daydreaming without spending years in therapy, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

#daydreaming #intrusive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #obsessive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreaming #actually madd #imaginary friend #immersive daydreaming #actually maladaptive #madd

[marshmallowprotection]

Do you think shifting is real? I’m getting tiktoks on it again and I won’t lie it messes with my mental health as it convinces me I can go somewhere where I’m actually happy with all the media that’s comforted me for so long. I like how I’ve seen old posts of yours where you slap sense into people who want to shift and I need that right now. Ha.

If you're not hurting anyone or yourself, it's perfectly okay to journal, draw, and write all the fantasies you want. After all, what is the great comfort in media and fandom if not the experience of getting to see what it might be like to be friends with your favorite character? Or to see what it might be like to be with your favorite character in a more intimate setting like a date? There's nothing wrong with that!

Hell, I'll be writing these scenarios all day long for my comfort and others! It's fun to dabble in the heads of your favorite characters and see what it could be like if there was no universal divide. There's a lot of fun to be had in making your characters or even self-inserting into the media.

However, I don't care for the in's and out's of Reality Shifting in the sense of someone trying to explain to me how it isn't just another form of daydreaming. I won't argue if it's real or not. I will just say Shifting looks no different than daydreaming to me.

I'm sure that Shifting is just a form of mediation and daydreaming at the end of the day. It isn't harmful unless it impedes your life. Now, I won't tell people not to have fun. Listen, if you're having fun and you see that it helps you, that's okay. There's no need to get into the thick semantics of if Shifting is "real or not".

I'm not going to scold people for it. I want people to be able to have fun at the end of the day in the way that works for them best, and me talking about this isn't to shame anybody or make them feel bad. I'm just concerned for people's health. I just want people to be aware of the risks of excessive daydreaming and dissociation.

Because, it does not matter what you believe Shifting is, if you spend hours of the day in bed with your eyes closed tight when you have to do other things, that's not healthy for you. This goes for fantasizing of any nature, not just Shifting. 

I say this as someone who experiences Maladaptive Daydreams.

Your average daydream as you stare out of a math class window is not the same as a maladaptive daydream.

“Maladaptive” means you have an excessive amount of daydreams to cope with or adapt to a problem, and it doesn't solve the problem, it just allows you a chance to disconnect from reality to survive. It's not a healthy thing. It's not something I always enjoy. I wish people were more informed on the subject but it's not it's widely known.

I genuinely just want to warn people about excessive daydreaming. I want people to be well informed about what can sometimes happen when you experience a disconnection from your sense of self or your sense of reality. 

Hell, someone who's reading this might not even realize that there's a word to describe their Daydreams, and if that can at least help somebody understand that they're not alone, it's worth talking about. 

[Maladaptive Daydreaming]

Ever since I was young, I've daydreamed excessively to cope with things my little mind should've never had to have dealt with. It's a form of dissociation that's continued into my adult life to kept me cope, and that's true for many other people. This condition isn't a very widely known one or even vastly studied, but it does fall under the dissociative umbrella.

Imagine being immersed in a world that is so much better than your reality, now imagine what it might feel like to be pulled out of that. In that sense, you wouldn't want to leave the daydream. That's why it can be so addictive. It can get to the point where it interferes with your life on a day-to-day basis.  

I don't think there's anything wrong with daydreaming. I don't think there's anything wrong with having fun and imagining different universes. I think it's great that we can shape our minds to create so many wonderful things. I just worry for people who aren't informed about making sure that they are mindful in their consumption of fantasies. 

I can spend hours at a time in a daydream, totally disassociated from the world around me, and while having these vivid daydreams can make for a great writing experience later on, it's not fun to lose hours of your day. It is addictive, as it is a lot better to be in a reality where everything goes the way you want it to instead of the one where we live, you know, where things don't always go right. 

I've got a way better handle on this these days because I've got more tools and means to keep myself grounded, but the dissociation is still a part of my day to day life, even with progress.

I experience Derealization and Depersonalization in part because of this.

[A visual of Derealization vs Depersonalization].

I understand how people feel when they want nothing more than to be in a reality where they feel loved and cherished by characters who love them all the same. I get that, because that's where people start excessive daydreams when they are young, in most cases, not all of them.

I just worry for people who get too caught up in their fantasy that they forget to live in this reality, if that makes sense. We can "Shift", Daydream, or what have you any time, but at the end of the day, we live in this reality, and we can't change that.

We have to fight to make this reality a better one, even if this one doesn't feel as fun as holding Saeran Choi to your heart, you know?

Make this reality the one you want it to be.

Don't let yourself not have fun with fantasies, though, because there's nothing wrong with that. Make those CMCs and Self Inserts to have fun! I do it, too. At the end of the day, just be mindful of the way you consume daydreams and roads that help you shape realities in your mind, no matter the avenue you explore them because you deserve to have fun. 

Keyword: Moderation in your teenage, young adult, or adult life.

#not mm #mod kait

[bandofchimeras]

hey dude, sorry not trying to be an ass w this but I saw u had a post where in the tags you used delusional and narcissist as pretty derogatory insults towards the govt. Bashing the government is good and great but using terms that we (at least currently) need to describe mental illness (and definitely associate with it!)... in ways like that... its ableist and dehumanizing and leads to more abuse, even if it feels innocent, because if everyone who's a narc or who's delusional is dangerous....that's everyone w/ npd, or a schizospec disorder, or any other things.

Sorry this is long, and again, not trying to be rude! Just wanted to inform you and ask that you maybe be a little more careful with word choice in the future :)

hey anon, yeah thanks for your concern. I do understand the movement to change language usage around mental illness and destigmatize. And it is well intentioned.

Unfortunately, narcissistic and delusional are still pretty generally derogatory words. A person with NPD may not cause harm simply by virtue of having the diagnosis but we all agree narcissism itself isn't a fun cool trait to have. Delusions are obscurations of reality.

We still say manic, depressed, obsessive, etc in both outright negative ways and descriptive but not morally loaded ways. to me it's just part of language, and the ethics of most derogatory language does depend on who's using it.

I'm absolutely behind not calling everyone who sucks a narcissist. and would like people to stop saying "I'm being OCD" or "that's so bipolar," "he's a schizo" and so on. The "delulu" trend online is weird and fetishizes mentally ill people.

For context: I am a person with a narcissistic tendency, due to my childhood. My life has been a long train of psych symptoms... delusions of grandeur, maladaptive daydreaming, hallucinations, psychosis, derealization, depersonalization, dissociative identity states. psychology is one of my longest hyperfixations simply because I needed to understand my experience. it's been helpful and unhelpful in different ways. Pathologization is a phenomen that can't be understood separately from language, culture, history, and violence.

And yet I don't really have a problem with calling things crazy, insane, or batshit. in fact I find power in redefining and playing with these terms. I've been called crazy in a demeaning, invalidating way. And yeah, I'm a lil crizazy, a bit unhinged one might say. But if a motherfucker calls me crazy to invaldiate my argument, I instantly know they've lost. They're being weak, and abusive. It will also piss me the fuck off. I may want to show them what "crazy" looks like. The better angels of my nature will whisper "keep your head."

With the movement to neutralize mental health terms, what's always confused me is the understanding of language itself. I experience words autistically - they have multiple overlapping meanings all the time. Words are like composite images composed of billions of instances of use, fluttering and evolving as they are spoken and written. Vernacular is messy, sputtering and ever changing. Therefore words carry a multitude of connotations. When different people say them in different contexts you can see and hear different implications.

So, I really don't care if a dude at work says "that's fuckin insane bro" ...to a gnarly kickflip. Or a devastating news article. Insane delineates the magnitude of his emotion. It's out of bounds. Something normies and straights would try to contain, institutionalize, label. Christ, that's juicy. It's why I adore skater boy lingo and teen slang. It's careless and crunchy.

English itself, especially corporate and institutional English, can be a strict, bland, and often abusive language. My fellow autistic homies tend to enjoy a rousing jaunt down into the annals of historical parlance for our everyday linguistic transactions because it's fucking boring, the clinical way we are expected to speak here and now.

So therefore: thanks for your message calling attention to my words and their impact.

There are deeper better more poetic words to call the government and frankly I believe the best ones might be found in other languages.

All in all, you're right that "narcissistic" and "delusional" are not the most accurate, potent words to describe the US government. How to convey the twisted, detached from reality, spirit of that entity best in language, though, I need to expand the lexicon. Maybe using these words is cheap. Maybe it covers over the intentionality and corruption at play.

So I'm going to open this up to some language play - and ask you, anon, and anyone else what words can we find to convey the negative meaning of delusional (detached from truth) and narcissistic (inverted and self concerned to the point of dysfunction), in English? or in another language?

I hope you can take this in good faith not as a deflection but really engaging with your ask.

Being language corrected can trigger my harshest defenses. I can feel in my body all the times someone has punished, invalidated, dismissed something I've said because of using "uncivil" or foul or imperfect language. In general, trying to conform to correct ideological forms of language is like, major wretched, dude.

Hell my dorky ass disingenuous nerd of a brother yesterday called a message I sent the family group chat about Palestine "blasphemous" because I said " my god" and used it as an excuse to delete every impassioned exchange we had so the "children wouldn't see," - him be racist, cough. can't make this shit up.

But that's my background. Catholicism is a mental illness. (Sorry in advance to all mental illness havers for associating you with Catholics)

#anon #language #psychology #this is also a recent change for me so its cool if anyone wants to call hypocrisy #a long road to unembodying the social justice warrior archetype of ultracorrective speech policing #which doesnt mean “freeze peach” #but rather #people are gonna say shit man #and you can tell what they mean by it #and educating people on the history of words wont change a spiteful hateful intent #i believe anon is well intentioned tho #destigmatize mental illness #but id rather energy be put towards fighting material and medical abuse in thr systems

[worldofroma]

March 22 2023, Wednesday - 9:00am

Wednesday. So funny how I’m known to be the Wednesday Addams of the family yet I hated the show. I didn’t even really like the movies either, they were bland but they were ahead of their time I’ll give them that. The show was nothing compared to the movies, I couldn’t get passed the 20 minute mark. Isn’t it rather astonishing how much of an impact fictional characters and movies and shows and any kind of media like that can make such a drastic impact on our lives? This may make me sound crazy or silly or even cringe, but I think I find most of my comfort within these fictional worlds that I don’t receive in real life, which could easily be the reason I Maladaptive Daydream. I’ve wrote and am still in the midst of writing several different stories, all different plots and storylines, but all containing the same characters that somehow end up being the same in the end of each of them. Friends with the same people, families I’ve created for them always being the same, even relationships are the exact same throughout them all. Why is that? Why is it that I find comfort in the same few characters while the rest I assume to be boring or bad?

Another odd thing I do is resonate mostly with those you’d consider “bad guys” whenever I see any type of media. I don’t consider myself to be a bad person, but it’s always the bad people with the most relatable stories. Besides, they always have some kind of motive for the thing they do and I can’t say I don’t have a motive for doing horrible things to horrible people. But I’d never do that.

However, that is a thought that’s constantly at the back of my mind. The summer I turned 13, something happened to me. Nothing traumatic happened from another person, but something mentally. Something I can’t even define to this day. I had thought about it all day, I wasn’t myself. I went to hang out with a friend for the day before leaving around dinner time and walking home. But I didn’t go home. I went to one of the highest places in town that situated a small lookout to be able to see across the entire town and I sat there. My mother called me several times, asking where I was, but I never answered. Why? I don’t know. I didn’t want to be found. But eventually, my friend was contacted by her and I gave in, knowing there was no reason for something like that to turn into a huge issue. My mother said when she found me and took me back home, my eyes were cold. They had no emotion. I don’t know if they’ve ever been the same since because she’s never looked at me the same way. I lived with my grandmother for at least a week after that but when it was about time dealt with the issue, nothing was really dealt with. We sat outside and I tried to tell my grandmother and mother the most reasonable answer - that things had just been building up for too long and it was a cry for help. But that wasn’t true, I had no clue why I did it. I just did. My mother told me that she didn’t understand me, she never would anyways, and that I had no reason to be acting out the way I did. I was sick and tired of being ridiculed by her, having her always assume she knows every little thing about me and telling me how I should be acting, and gave up trying to figure it out. That was that. It’s been 4 years since then and I still think about it from time to time. To this day, I have no idea why I did such a thing. Maybe what I was saying about having built up issues really was the truth and I just couldn’t see that, but I don’t know. One of the most common thoughts I have around that topic is how do I know that won’t happen again? Clearly, I did it without reason or a reason I can’t recognize, so theres at least a 50/50 chance that it’ll occur again. If so, when will it be? Will I do the same thing, or will I really run away this time and never come back? Will I do something worse? Will I hurt myself or someone else? I don’t know. All I can do is hope to God I’ve got a grip on my brain better than I did when I was 13.

#journaling #literature #aspiring writer

[mydissociativediaries]

7/16/2022: Up All Night

Second entry for 7/16/2022.

Maladaptive daydreamed until 8 A.M. last night, what else is new. I hate it, but...I also enjoy it. I mean, I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to. But then I feel like shit and hate myself when the sun starts to rise and sleep in too late, which means I feel crappy during the day.

But I ENJOY doing it! That's the insane part. You'd think the solution would be to go to bed earlier so I can daydream and then fall asleep, but that doesn't help. I love it and hate it at the same time.

Anyway, while I was doing this last night, I started having flashbacks to all the times I had to "go places" with my parents when I was a kid. Man, I hated it. I hated the smell of my mom's perfume and the sounds of everybody getting ready and my parents dragging me out of bed and expecting me to eat. Sometimes, I'd hide the food and throw it away.

Then I hated going to garage and my parents cramming me into the truck (or car, but usually the truck) with my POS sister and being stuck in this small space for hours. I hated the start of the day because I knew it would be a while before it was over. I didn't have anxiety every time, but when I did, it made the whole thing a nightmare.

Aaaand a lot of abuse happened during this time, too. So that created even more negative associations in my mind with "going places."

When I was about 14, I was old enough to refuse to go and stay home. My parents threw a huge shitfit about it and guilt tripped me (which I didn't understand because lmao my parents gave me so much shit for my autism bullshit, so why did they want me there in the first place), but they let me do it. That was an improvement. I actually looked forward to hearing my parents getting ready because I'd have the house to myself all day.

But...that wasn't totally healthy, either. Better than fucking "going places," but I was alone all day. And I still am, pretty much. At least now I'm an adult and have much more agency.

But God, I'd forgotten how much I hated it. I romanticize my childhood a lot because it was the only time I felt happy, but there was a lot of stress, anger and frustration, too. Now I don't have to "go places" with anybody. Still, is it worth the trade-off?

Thanks for reading,

☹️

#childhood #childhood anxiety #childhood memories #child abuse #parental abuse #entry

[micolashsucks]

Far cry 5 really was a terrible game with the worst writing. But by golly I was unhealthy obsessed with it for like, quite a while.

#i can't bring myself to hate it despite everything #I'm just really confused about what exactly i was going through with it #like ik ik everyone can control their hyperfixations whatever #but uh. genuinely i was so attached to fc5 that it was all i could think about 24/7. like some really intense maladaptive daydreaming #and literally overnight i dropped it and don't give much of a shit about it #i really dont understand what that was about??? #like how suddenly i just didn't care anymore despite it literally ruling my life for ages #im glad i dropped it kinda because it was actually getting in the way of day to day functioning?? which sounds lame as hell #but yeah. anyone ever get like that? like having an intense fear of not thinking about something in case you loose interest #despite that interest being a hindrance? #i used to do this in hs as a coping thing i now realize. but i have no idea why it happened again eith fc5. except for boring job #.txt #weird idk #i got home from work and would literally just. sit down and think about far cry for hours #imagine a dude sitting ina completely dark room just going through the most intense emotional journey in his head because of #the most mediocre game ever. it's not even the best far cry gsme #BUT HEY AT LEAST IT'S NOT FAR CRY 3 #still. tiny sharky will live in my wallet forever

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

#sorry if this is longwinded but I had a lot to say so [shrug] #karl jacobs #dsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #ghost.txt

[itsalexthe7]

A “Thank You” To Neil Gaiman

When I was at IBM, they emphasized the need to "always be learning." I believe in that principle so much that I tried to find new lessons every day even after I left the company. Inevitably, that led to me taking online classes through Masterclass. I chose this tool because I have been very interested in the writing of Neil Gaiman and saw that he taught a course on the platform. It wasn't precisely a serendipitous discovery because I sought it out, but I got way more out of it than I thought I would.

As a younger writer, I could write magnificent scenes. I experimented with ideas and writing styles. I dared to get messy. I'd write for hours a day, squeezing writing in-between classes or pulling all-nighters to finish that one short story. But, in the past ten years, I lost that desire, and I couldn't figure out why.

"But I work on the timeline." I'd tell myself, playing mental gymnastics around the fact that it was more an analytical endeavor than a creative one. (I've been working on a novel that takes dream fragments from the past 10+ years and puts them in order on what I affectionally call "the dream timeline.")

I played these gymnastics because I simply couldn't acknowledge that I didn't have an answer for why I couldn't write anymore. I didn't consider it writer's block because I had ideas (I spent hours now maladaptively daydreaming as a form of escapism from the stressors of everyday life.) I just couldn't bring myself to put words to the page, to the point that I'd experience extreme levels of anxiety (sometimes resulting in physical manifestations of pain and restlessness.)

I read book after book of "how-to's" and "how-not-to's," but the words never came. So I took a break from nonfiction and started reading the Lucifer comics when I heard about the television adaption. (Those comics are actually how I was introduced to Neil Gaiman's Sandman Universe, which inevitably led me to the Masterclass). 

Surrounded by books in what looks like my dream working space, Neil Gaiman taught the art of storytelling. Though his lessons were to lead aspiring writers, I hope that this unsolicited shout into the void of the internet attests to one of his earliest lessons in the course, talked about in Sources of Inspiration:

"Your influences are not necessarily the things that you think they are... and your influences, you--person--watching this, who I'm teaching, who I'm instructing, remember that. Remember that your influences are all sorts of things, and some of them are going to take you by surprise. But, the most important thing that you can do is open yourself to everything."

I was slow to complete the course because life tended to get in the way, but this quote stuck with me. I found myself thinking about it at work, applying it to my work, and then using it for its intended purpose in writing. Still, I found myself with a vast "compost heap," as he called it, but no story. 

I'd already been going through what I call an "emotionally constipated" period in my depression, where I almost felt dissociated from my past self, forgetting large blocks of time. I didn't think much of it, chalking it up to the effects of chronic stress over a long period. Over time, things got worse, much worse. Yet, I had gotten so used to such a gradual decline that I didn't understand the full depth of how much I'd let go.

One thing still bothered me: I still couldn't write.

It had been years since I'd finished a draft when I used to write at least one per year. I did it for fun, and I enjoyed it immensely. I wanted to enjoy it again. 

I found time to finish the rest of the class because my subscription was nearing its end, and I wanted to get the most out of the remaining time. So I kept going, enjoying Neil's personal stories and direct correlations to the lessons he was teaching.

In no time, I'd found myself at a lesson that I will forever be grateful for: Dealing with Writer's Block.

The first point in the lesson was to retrace your steps. As I mentioned, this was specific to retracing your steps in a story. Yet, in the spirit of Sources of Inspiration, it really applied to where I was now in my life. If I wanted to understand how I got here, I had to retrace my steps.

One "scene" at a time, I stepped back until the time that I was a young writer who enjoyed storytelling. Then, I traced back through traumatic events (with a therapist) and identified where exactly things went sideways. All the while keeping that idea in mind. 

It's still a process, but I'm happy to say that I have reignited a tiny spark of passion for my writing that may one day become a wildfire once again. Until that day, I'll keep celebrating these small victories. In commemorating a draft completed, I wanted to "shout out into the void" to wherever you are, Mr. Gaiman, a "thank you" for teaching such a terrific Masterclass that became the first stepping stone into a weird journey of finding my passion for writing again. The advice in your class became a source of inspiration for change in my life, and I am forever grateful for it.

If you haven't taken the Masterclass, I highly recommend it for new and experienced writers.

#neil gaiman #sandman #writing #writer #writings #writers #creative writing #inspiration #thank you #masterclass

[biiedwin8]

Does Listening To Audiobooks Help With Managing Maladaptive Daydreaming?

Today, I'll be addressing the question of whether listening to audiobooks helps with managing your daydreaming addiction. I saw this advice, I think it was on Facebook, where someone mentioned that ever since they started listening to audiobooks, their daydreaming addiction is getting better. So, let's explore this.

Actually, as I've shared in the past, most of these strategies may work for someone else and may also not work for someone else. So, it's up to you to look for a strategy that works for you. A strategy is kind of a replacement or something which helps you at least for a day to ease the effect of the addiction or to ease the time you spend with this behavior. So, for other people, it can be listening to audiobooks, but also for other people, listening to audiobooks can be a trigger because the audiobook can be likened to music. To some people, actually, when they listen to music, it triggers their or pulls them into this imaginary world because music can be this stimulant which activates your mind. That's why all these strategies, actually, they may work for someone else, but they may also not work for you. So, just give it a try, but if it fails, don't be so hard on yourself and let the mind feed you with this idea that nothing works for you. That's a very dangerous spot to be in. That's where your mind will always take you. It will take you to the point where it points you as the problem, like you are a problem, so that it can keep you stuck where you are.

Your mind seeks self-preservation. It seeks to keep you where you are. So, you might try a lot of things, but if you fail, it will be like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like you might be telling yourself, "At least I tried audiobooks, I tried meditation, I tried therapy, and it didn't work, so it simply means that nothing works for me." That's how you keep yourself stuck, that's how the mind keeps you stuck because it just wants to try so that it can see if it works. So, all these strategies like listening to audiobooks, it may work, it may not work, but it will not address the elephant in the room. The strategies that help with daydreaming will never address the real problem because it will always be just scratching the surface. It's dealing with something which you see because the addiction to daydreaming is something we can see, but the thing which is leading to this addiction we cannot really see. It's beyond your awareness, it's in the subconscious part of your mind. That's why this habit became uncontrollable.

And that's what deep healing is all about. It's dealing with what led to this addiction or why are you addicted to this thing because this addiction, in a way, is filling some void in your life or is coping with something. So, deep healing is all about dealing with things stuck in the subconscious part of your mind: negative beliefs, unresolved traumas, emotional wounds, or it can be just something else. Because once you deal with that, now you'll realize that you don't really need to look for a coping mechanism or a replacement to a coping mechanism because listening to audiobooks can be a replacement. It doesn't still address the underlying issues. So, you may listen to audiobooks to the point where you get addicted to listening to audiobooks. That's still another addiction.

So, addressing this addictive personality or this addiction, this source of addiction is where true liberation is. So, strategies to deal with daydreaming may offer some temporary relief or some small shift, but you'll find yourself two years, three years down the line still stuck. That's why prioritize going deeper, and that's how your life will change, and that's how other areas in your life will improve. You may find yourself, let's say if you're socially anxious, you may find that it's lessening, you are becoming more social, you are becoming someone who understands themselves well just because of dealing with underlying issues. But if you focus on these strategies, you'll end up getting tired, overwhelmed, and you'll end up getting lost in your healing journey.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with overcoming and managing your maladaptive daydreaming without spending years in therapy, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

#daydreaming #intrusive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive daydreaming #obsessive daydreaming #actually madd #imaginary friend #immersive daydreaming #actually maladaptive #madd

[whysojiminimnida]

TW: All The Triggers. So Not A BTS Post. Scroll on by. TW: mentions of life cessation by various means a couple of which are probably intentional just don't come in here unless you wanna have your day ruined plskthx ....

I haven't said anything here because who reads blog entries anyway, and why fuck up other people's feeds but then I remembered I probably have nine followers. Sorry y'all.

Tomorrow we bury my sister. Her ashes, anyway. She died a couple of weeks ago. She was 28 years old and maybe it was a heroin overdose or maybe it was the pneumonia she'd had for awhile or maybe she wanted to get gone, any and all those things are possible and maybe probable. I am now my parents' only daughter again and let me tell you it sucks ass in a way that you can't understand unless you've been there when that phone call comes in and your almost 80 year old mother makes a noise that isn't human and everything in you does not want to grab that phone from her but you can't just let her hold onto it like that. So I took it and the boyfriend had stayed out all night and gotten home in the morning and found her dead and called 911 and then us and I talked to the paramedics and the cops and I had to tell them my parents are elderly, I'll be taking point on this, and I think I maybe reblogged a cute jikook post because that's what dissociatives do in times of crisis. Fast forward ten hours and I had driven the parents to another state, made arrangements for cremation and a (gulp) body viewing for literally the next morning and notified everyone I could think of that would care or need to know. One task melted into another and then it was time to look at her and I've been a nurse nearly as long as my sister was alive, I knew what to expect but my parents did not. Let the maladaptive daydreaming commence between tasks. I almost convinced myself the Jeon Jeongguk is straight. Almost. I picked an urn and picked up the remains of the day and my sister and drove my parents two states back home while we fielded intrusive questions about funerals and memorials which we were not gonna have so someone else threw a BYOB and published it in the paper, cool. She would have loved it. I didn't go. I left and came home with the shattered hearts of my parents as souvenirs. Then I bought a car because why the fuck not. I've always wanted a cute little Mini Cooper and it's not like I had anything else to do and I paid cash and bought insurance and drove off the lot with it so now I have a car named J-Mini (get it get it) because nothing like a knee jerk major purchase in the middle of intense grief, right? My father picked out my sister's plot because my mother couldn't go and I was... buying a car. That wasn't my best day but it was really the only day I checked out completely. I mean except the other five to seven business days I don't remember but I did stuff because my dad says I fed them and made sure they ate and took care of things. I'm good at that. Also kookmin and Memories 20 why hasn't that shipped yet and I think I also got the MOTS ON;E DVD set and finished my Funko Pop set. Goals, kids. Gotta achieve goals. And I also redid my parents upstairs guest suite and turned it into my office because the next novel is not gonna write itself. A little death opens up my dad's wallet and we are both OCD writers who are task oriented and very good at finding poor coping mechanisms for trauma. It's a nice office and can still function as a guest room (it's a huge room). I put the Keurig I bought so my mom would have okay coffee before viewing her daughter's body in my new office. Just brewed the first cup today and it tastes like death to me but what are you gonna do, it's salted caramel death at least. So I'm sitting in my new office looking out the plantation shutters that make up the view, idly watching my new car sit in its cute parking spot and planning the next 36 hours. Her flowers should get here soon. I ordered real ones, the rainbow tie dye looking roses. We're not supposed to take them to the cremation garden where her headstone will be because small plots and what the fuck ever seriously do not tell me that my mother cannot bring her baby girl flowers. She's dead, assholes. She's not coming back and she didn't say goodbye and the first

time my father had seen his little girl in almost two years she was cold and decidedly nonverbal and had a bruise on the tip of her nose nobody could explain and I later figured out was from her puppy trying to boop it to wake her up when she wasn't going to be waking up ever again. Fuck that. Flowers it is. I'm on food takeout duty and also my sister's best guy friend of forever might be driving here for the interment, we didn't tell most people when it was and he's nine hours away but he hasn't let us know if he's gonna stay here or what so I guess it's good the guest room office is clean, he has three twin beds to choose from so I'll probably only change the sheets on two of them because hospitality roulette seems fair given that the service is fucking tomorrow and we're trying to plan shit over here. That's a run-on sentence kids. I guess maybe the rest of the day is not snapping at people. I watered my mom's extensive flower garden but I do that every day. I took the small envelope of extra ashes from my dad because he broke down and I put them in a pretty butterfly notecard with a pink envelope and stashed my sister's nose or fingertips or random internal tissues neatly sealed in my jewelry box. Why we have them when the rest of her is already at the cemetery is because people ASKED FOR THEM like wtf why are we making earrings out of my dead sister but my parents said yes before they said no. And I called the funeral home and ARRANGED THIS SHIT so now I get to handle it. Guess I'll dole them out a gram at a time like cocaine. Oddly fitting I suppose, that part of her is in what amounts to a heroin baggie. Don't shoot up, kids. Just don't. And if you must shoot up make sure you have Narcan around and someone available to give it to you. And that your dealer isn't cutting with fentanyl or some shit. Also make sure you're not physically sick with pneumonia that might or might not have been COVID Delta, we don't know yet because toxicology and death certificates take time and I'm in charge of bugging the coroner and just haven't wanted to have to tell my parents that YES SHE WAS HIGH AF WE BEEN KNEW THERE WAS A FUCKING NEEDLE IN BED WITH HER JFC I mean they know but they'd rather it be COVID and who can blame them. Also to my sister if you offed yourself I get it and I'm not mad at you most of the time. I do understand why and frankly it might have been kinder to do it than to keep siphoning rent every month and your drug money and living expenses on the weekly if that's how you were gonna keep living, because your drama was constant and painful and caused a lot of shit and it wasn't fun for you or anyone else. But I love you and I'm so sorry you hurt so much that you had to handle it that way. And I'm sorry I'm so much older than you'll ever be and that I survived and you didn't. If it helps, you were always loved. I'll teach your kiddo all the good things. Honestly the most painful thing you did was the best thing when you gave him up. He's so bright and artistic like you and his parents love him and l get to see him a lot even if it's only on video. I visited him right after I told you goodbye and let him go wild on my Amazon and told him you love him too, that you might not be here but you'll always love him and look out for him wherever you are. I will too. Auntie ain't an absentee figure let's get that straight right now. He likes Adidas and art and aquariums and I have promised him a trip for all those things before Christmas. You know I deliver. I'll find him something to help him remember you. He has your eyes, like Harry Potter. I sang "Blackbird" to you but it made me cry so I had to stop. You've made me cry so much lately. I liked it better when I was just allowed to be quietly angry at you but now I can't. Last time I talked to you you were high af and rambling and Mom was convinced you were oxygen deprived and I told your man to take your ass to ER and fuck the consequences but you wouldn't go and he couldn't make your black belt ass get out of bed so you never went. I wish you'd gone and I

wish you'd made him stay home with you if you wanted to get high and I wish you hadn't hated yourself and wanted to die because there was so much good in you, so much beauty and now we don't get to see what's on the other side. You put yourself in a chrysalis and turned it into a crypt and I just wish you hadn't. I wish I could have asked you to please stay. I just wish you'd been able to please stay.

#triggers like whoa #tw #dead dove do not eat #dead sister too #like it's just been a fuck of an August up in here #maladaptive coping #but hey I named my new car after Jimin so #it's fine it's all fine everything's fine

[vowled]

Unpopular Opinion: Johnlock edition

So, I am, as invariably suggested by my blog and username, a major Sherlock fan. I absolutely love it. The first time I watched it, I immediately related to it, and my peabag brain instantly saw a friend in John Watson. Sherlock’s character, on the other hand, was quite unconventional to me. I couldn’t bring myself to quite like him for the first 2 episodes. He was.....different. I knew I wanted to watch the series just for the dynamic duo and their and sweet friendship. The cases I couldn’t at first care for much, but eventually that changed too. I always was completely amazed by how well they had managed to adapt the series to the 21st century and their subtle winks to the original canon too was quite impressive. Eventually, I fell in love with it, and proceeded to watch the entire series thrice. in a row. I was, and still am, completely obsessed. 

Then came the thought, which was also somehow initially suggested subtly by the show itself, ” What if Sherlock and John are in Love?” I must agree, I had read too many conspiracy theories about certain celebs being closeted to not come up with that question. 

At first it was just a thought. But then, critical analyses on tumblr came up. I couldn’t stop reading them?! and so many of them were thought-provoking and persuasive and honestly, I was living for it. The phone = heart theory is still one of the best Theories I’ve read among all the fandoms I’ve ever been in. And that is just one among many. JohnLock was everywhere. Other ships were persistent, but none could reach the amount of fervor as JohnLock. And I was living for it too. I still really enjoy all the adorable fanfics and the ever-interesting theories, and honestly, at this point, my motto is “I’ll find homoerotic subtext even if it kills me”.

Shipping is ok, shipping is good. But here’s the deal we need to talk about:  we shouldn’t justify our ships to the point of interpreting every action as romantic. This propagates unrealistic expectations and results in harmful stereotypes.

Yes, I’m talking about the unending debate on Johnlock. 

From season one itself, Johnlock was phenomenal. It is widely argued that  the show-runners themselves inserted subtle hints, and hence, birthed this beast on their own. The Sherlock fandom remains one of the oldest fandoms in the world, with its beginnings rooted in the Nineteenth Century when ASiS was published, and since then many have argued about the latent homosexual subtext embedded into the writing, my point here being people have been shipping Johnlock for well over a hundred years. Hence, It’s not really a surprise that people are still drawn to this ship. But to be shipped by this magnitude of people? This invariably suggests that there’s material provided to us by the creators themselves that is very blatantly obvious about the relationship. And while in most cases shipping two characters is completely okay in itself, according to me, shipping Johnlock has further validation in the fact that there is proof of intent of it becoming canon eventually (at least in the first two seasons).

Like I said before, shipping is OK, shipping is good. 

But is shipping okay if we take it to the point of over-analysing every move?

Sherlock is a comfort character for me. God knows half of my maladaptive daydreams are about him being a father figure towards me. My entire twitter tl and Tumblr dashboard is stuffed with cutesy or angsty things about him, and that’s great! But being in the fandom for about eight months, I’ve realised how this sort of feed eventually resulted in me completely forgetting the original storyline, and more importantly, in me forgetting how flawed a character Sherlock is!

Everyone(including me, the first time) freaks out in HLV because of how Sherlock isn’t listed as John’s pressure point. I, however, think we should question ourselves: Why should John still consider Sherlock that tantalizingly close to himself as he was in the beginning? John learnt his best friend had died, and he decided to do the bravest thing he could: make peace with it and move on. BUT NO! The Ghost of the man who loved him returned from the grave to haunt him! Here I talk about the other possible reasons why Sherlock wasn’t a pressure point for John in HLV. 

I am tired of this constant sugarcoating of Sherlock’s character. I am tired of seeing constant posts about how Sweet and caring Sherlock is and how much he loves John and how he loved her more than Mary. I am done with over analysis of every single shot where Sherlock looks at John, completely done. This shot below? It’s been overused for so many fanfics and cheesy romantic lines that I forgot that it’s supposed to be a look of GUILT.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love sherlock so dearly because he’s a very unlikeable character. That is precisely what sets him so far apart from the other characters. Sherlock started off with a hateful and dismissive character, but through the course of the events he undergoes a lot of emotional development. And that is truly noteworthy. In TFP he said for Mycroft, “ He did the best he could (for Eurus)...” and that is truly sentimental. This sort of development is always heartwarming.

What I want people to understand is that Analysis is, obviously, important. And CRITICAL ANALYSIS more so. And it’s saddening to see so many people glossing over the critical part of the analysis. Why is it so wrong to point out HOW HURTFUL SHERLOCK’S ACTIONS TOWARDS JOHN HAVE BEEN?  Why is it wrong to to point out Johnlockers borderline bully other shippers? 

Can we finally talk about the problematic aspects of Johnlock, or rather Johnlockers?

Even though I’m relatively new to the fandom, I’ve noticed how dismissive people are of anything negative said about Sherlock. In the beginning, it was endearing, really; but now I see this pattern of constantly singing praises of Sherlock’s character, and it has lead me to realize how detrimental it can be to the relatively younger audiences. Sherlock is Rude, period. There’s no question about it. And this constant glorifying of his rudeness and arrogance and dismissing it as  a quirk could very well possibly give the impression that arrogance and vanity are in fact not so bad, and hell, it might make one seem a little cooler even ! Oh, don’t be mad if I act like my comfort character ! I’m quirky like that !

Constant bashing of the creators. And when I say constant, I mean it. This sort of bashing about is never-ending. And when I say this, I don’t mean that the creators were perfect; some of their mistakes were, quite frankly, blatantly ignorant ( like Irene the Canon Lesbian falling for Sherlock), but I don’t see enough people praising it for what it is. Even now there is so much slander against the creators ( and personally I feel bad for Mark Gatiss because he’s actually on twitter and is constantly spammed). Is it really a surprise that the creators hate the fans and especially the Johnlockers? Was it supposed to be so shocking when Martin said that being in the show wasn’t very fun anymore because of the fans?

We just don’t actually analyze anymore! I get that we haven’t got any new content for FOUR muheffing years but please I literally don’t see anything that’s actually interesting or analytical anymore and that kills me because that was the reason I joined this fandom- to read and comprehend the subtext, and the AMAZING META!  All I see are cute couple-ish pics of ben and Martin and tbh we can do so much better than that?!

Johnlockers have so much actual stuff to talk about? There is literally so much going on Subtextually, and yet all I see is people losing their mind over any interaction between Sherlock and John. This is so unfair! AND it’s detrimental too! With people painting every interaction as romantic in nature, the younger teenagers in this fandom who might not have experienced Love or Attraction may glean unrealistic ideas about them! It is difficult as it is to navigate oneself through romantic entanglements, let alone being fed such rose-colored ideas! And I say this because although I don’t know much about the audience on Tumblr, but Stan Twitter is like, (at least) 50 percent teenager-fuelled. It actually isn’t healthy for them at all.

Stop with the Benedict-worshipping for God’s sakes. Are you only in here because of him? We all get it, he’s absolutely stunning but come on, we’re here for the stories too right?

Romantic love is important, no doubt. But you know what’s completely overlooked? The platonic sort of love. And it’s tiring. Sherlock and Molly/Janine/Irene/John are all amazing duos and each pair has it’s own uniqueness and tang to it! Let’s not constantly dissect everything in the name of shipping, shall we?

lol looking back at it, I feel like it’s a vent rant for the prevailing circumstances on Stan Twitter. I apologize if anything I said hurt anyone, it wasn’t meant to. I completely understand that shipping people is for...recreation (?) but this was just my opinion. Let me know what you think about it!

#sherlock bbcsherlock im prolly gonna get a lot of hate for it maybe i should delete it but nah it took a long time to type dont hateme

[bitchinbeverlymarsh]

Autistic/ADHD Adrien headcanons

(because I kin him and I need to self-project a little) +some little hcs about the other kiddos

Always stims with his ring. ESPECIALLY when he’s anxious or upset.

Love love LOVES when people play with his hair, but only if it’s the people he’s closest to. (SO many people have touched his hair w/o his permission that it would make him feel overstimulated the rest of the day. It drives him crazy)

Sometimes he’ll say things that he thinks are funny or relatable to try to keep a conversation going. But other people will either misunderstand him or just not get the joke and look at him weird.

Gets MAJOR rsd (rejection-sensitive dysphoria) from the littlest things. Even the slightest negative looking/sounding thing and BOOM, there it is. Though he tries his best to remind himself that these things aren’t what they seem and it’s all in his head.

When he and his friend group are having a conversation, sometimes he’ll start to zone out. Luckily, one of his friends will help him focus again.

When things get REALLY bad (either with his father, or after a tough akumatized battle) he’ll go to his room, play some loud music, and maladaptive daydream to escape.

^ Even though he’ll listen to his music at a kind of high volume when he’s upset, he actually HATES super loud noises. Which can kind of be a problem when he’s playing with Luka’s band from time to time. But fortunately, Luka always carries ear plugs with him in case Adrien needs a pair.

CAN. WILL. AND HAS TRANSFORMED INTO CAT NOIR JUST SO HE CAN STIM WITH HIS BELT TAIL AND BELL. YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND!!!

Vocal stims a LOT. His most common ones are chirping along with the birds he hears or humming. He also purrs as a stim too, but it’s harder for him to do it when he isn’t Cat Noir.

^ When he and Ladybug are on patrol, sometimes he’ll purr-stim. (He once asked Ladybug if she found his stim annoying, and she said she didn’t. She actually finds it soothing and it helps her feel calm when her hero duties start to feel overwhelming)

Some people might think that because of the way he talks sometimes, he isn’t that smart. But he’s actually extremely intelligent. Especially when it comes to his special interests (ex. Chinese language, the piano, video games, fencing, etc.)

Even though this is kind of a stereotype, this boy has gotten SO distracted by things just coming into his peripheral vision. He’ll be mid conversation and something will catch his eye and he has to stop whatever he’s doing to figure out what he saw. The amount of times he’s gotten distracted by Ladybug or an actual ladybug is insane!

Every time he goes over to Marinette’s house, he’ll stim with whatever scrap fabric she has lying around. She ended up making him a plushie out of all of his favorite pieces of scrap fabric (somehow got Alya to casually ask Adrien what his two favorite kinds of buttons were so they could be the eyes). This ended up being his next birthday gift. And Marinette actually remembered to to put her name on the gift, too.

STIMS👏WITH👏THE👏LUCKY👏CHARM👏BRACELET👏THAT👏MARINETTE👏GAVE👏HIM Sometimes he’ll just roll it around in his hands to hear the beads make that nice click-clack sound.

Occasionally, at night, this boy will get random bursts of e n e r g y. So to get it out of his system, he’ll just turn into Cat Noir and run on the rooftops. Or he’ll play video games and try to keep it quiet.

Executive functioning is practically nonexistent with Adrien. Luckily, with being on a tight schedule and having Nathalie telling him what he has to do every day, he can get by okay. Once he’s done with his scheduled stuff though, if you wanted him to do something important, he’ll say he’ll do it and instantly forget.

Has a REALLY sensitive nose, and hates even the slightest bad smell. Which sucks because Plagg has to have his camembert close by at all times. But since the container is sealable, he can tolerate it (so long as he holds his breath, or plugs his nose). If someone near him is eating something that smells bad to him, he won’t move away because he doesn’t want to seem rude. So he’ll just try to hold his breath or subtly cover his nose without them noticing.

Has sort of a love hate relationship with the clothes he has to model. Some of them are pretty comfortable, but others are absolute sensory hell. I feel like Adrien likes clothes a little on the looser side, like me. Whatever clothes he found comfortable, he’d ask his father to keep for him.

^ Oddly enough, he actually doesn’t mind how his Cat Noir suit fits him. I guess since it’s magic, he can’t actually feel how tight the material is. Unless he’s had a bad sensory day and is feeling overstimulated. Then EVERYTHING feels bad and he’ll need to stim to get his mind off it.

When Cat Noir is feeling overstimulated, Ladybug will let him stim with her hair ribbons. Sometimes she finds it a little annoying, but she knows that it helps him, so she’ll just let him do his thing.

+Bonus ot4 hc

Adrien, Marinette, Luka, and Kagami always talk about their favorite or least favorite textures/stims. (ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE NEURODIVERGENT IN SOME WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! FIGHT ME!!) Some of them can agree that certain textures/stims are good, but other times, these four will argue about why some of them suck. Sometimes it’s hard for one to understand why the other does/doesn’t like a certain thing, but they’ll support them either way.

#so many of these were just solely self projecting oh my god #i just see myself in a lot of the stuff adrien does #long post #miraculous ladybug #ml adrien #lukadrigaminette #adrien agreste #ml headcanons

[augujerdeer]

hi! ive been checking out some of your blogs and i really feel it like a safe space, so i finally make up my mind to ask a -prob silly question- concerning did x MD. i am a maladaptive daydreamer and have created some ““oc s”” in my head that are for the majority very close to our reality, just that i am in another person’s body (that i made up only) living a slight different life. briefly, in one of those, the person “i am” has DID. however i do not have DID myself, but it’s a mental disorder that genuinely interests me (no k!nk!!!! ) and ive made lots of researches to learn more about it and educate myself. anyways, i was asking if that was irrespectful or naive and that i should stop daydreaming of that “imagined reality”, insisting on the fact i do not fake having DID irl!! -i think this is ridiculously wrong and terribly stupid and hurting-; it’s all just stories i am making in my head day to days. i also don’t romanticize traumas of any kind (having ones myself).

i’d just thought having the opinion of a person w DID could be helpful and educational and guiding.

thank you if you read up to this much! this is a genuine question and i have no bad intentions but to learn and change :)

Huh, i dont know how to answer this myself! I understand why you’re on anon, this can be a scary question to ask

So.. letting this sink in for a minute or two, personally, i think it’s fine..? Just remember these pointers:

Not claiming you do have DID, which you already know that dkbdkdh

Knowing that, just because you do all the research, it doesn’t make you a source for what DID is, what it’s like, how it works! Don’t use your research as a way to “gatekeep” or tell others (both singlets or systems) how systems “should work or are” basically! You will not see us engage in system gatekeeping anywhere, but we also agree a discussion like that has no place for singlets to be in

Please be aware of the “stereotypes” systems have! Systems who are “evil” “criminals” are a stigma, and having “evil alters” is also a stereotype. It’s complex

The reason why I don’t think this is something at least we (our system) should be concerned about, is because you seem to know what would be disrespectful to do! And it reminds me of how.. we believe people who don’t experience [thing] should still be able to (and/or can) write about [insert thing here], and they can with the right research and going to the right people for advice. It’s not the same thing as maladaptive daydreaming(?) (which we don’t have! But know there are systems out there who are both systems and have MD, so it might be helpful to look for those people? I understand it might be difficult), but it does remind me of the writing process authors [should] have. We’ve for sure seen singlets try to write people with DID/OSDD1/etc and it would be strange for us to say “only people with [insert things here] can write these!” That’s kind of a toxic mindset we think, and means less chances for representation. Also, plus, this is something you’re doing privately in your own space

ANYWAY im rambling, i suggest finding other systems to ask about this with!

TL;DR = for us, it’s fine, you seem to try to be as respectful as possible. As long as you’re not pushing your ideas onto others or harming systems or singlets with what you’re learning or doing then I don’t see what the problem is!

I think the worry some people might have, is the possible antagonization of, or making a system a villain! Which, i think is the most disrespectful thing someone can do. It’s not like a system can’t hurt others (we’ve seen and experienced it, systems are never perfect and should not be put on a pedestal) BUT in mainstream media systems are tend to always be “evil” and criminals, so please try not to go that route! Out of everything, that’s the only thing I can ask of you! “evil systems” are a terrible stereotype, and the most disrespectful thing you could do i think, because of the lack of good representation people with systems have

#sorry for a long post! #maladaptive daydreaming #md #did #ask to tag #ask #anon #feel free to reblog and add more advice #there’s a blog that had resources on how to *write* people with DID/OSDD1 but im not sure if ill be able to find it #i dont think i will dkhddk #not because you dont deserve the resource im just physically tired haha #also if ive made mistakes someone tell me and i’ll correct it #from sal #i think people are allowed to imagine what it would be like to live in another person’s shoes #that’s how people write nuanced books like 1984 by george orwell etc #im just being careful of how i type it out because Tumblr can be very aggressive