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wen-kexing-apologist · 6 months

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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 2: Race, Disability, and Class. The films in Unit 2 are: The Way He Looks (2014), Being 17 (2016), Naz and Maalik (2015), The Obituary of Tunde Johnson (2019), Margarita With a Straw (2014), My Beautiful Laundrette (1985), Brother to Brother (2004), and Beautiful Thing (1996)

Today I will be writing about

Beautiful Thing (1996) dir. Hettie MacDonald

[Run Time: 1:31, Available on: tubi, Amazon Prime, YouTube rental, and Google play]

Summary: “Jamie is a shy teenager, often bullied at school. His neighbour Ste has a rough time at home, being beaten by his father and brother. This issues bring them together and they find that what they feel for each other is more than friendship.” from IMDB

Cast * Glen Berry as Jamie Gangel * Scott Neal as Ste Pearce * Linda Hentry as Sandra Gangel, Jamei’s mother * Tameka Empson as Leah, Jamie and Ste’s hot mess of a neighbor

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Ok, I will be honest, this one did not get me to connect to it as emotionally as some of the other films in this Unit and there were a few scenes in the middle where I completely lost the plot and had difficulty understanding what exactly was going on. As a result, I don’t have as much to say about this film. But overall, I did enjoy Beautiful Things and I think my favorite aspect of it fully comes down to it’s depictions of community and family. And honestly, I feel a little bit bad, but I think Sandra Gangel, Jamie’s mother was probably the most interesting and compelling character for me in this whole film, followed closely by Leah.

I don’t have as much to say about this film in part because I think that the other movies in this unit do a lot more with the intersections of identity, and have interesting things to say that require a bit more unpacking. But I do not think that is as much of the case here. It feels more akin to a coming of age film than the others in this unit.

I love that Sandra is somewhat complicated and three dimensional, and also that she is ride or die for her son. I think it is so accurate and wonderful to have her yelling at Jamie for skipping school one second and then lying to the teacher about him having a stomach ache the next. I like that we get these insights in to her character, her background, the life she lived before she had a son, that help explain the relationship she has to raising Jamie and why their dynamic is the way that it is. I love that she isn’t fully mature, and that she is willing to throw hands with children when they are being gossipy little bitches spreading (mis)information.

I did find it very interesting and pretty decent commentary that we never really learn the reason why Ste is abused by his father and his brother. Perhaps it is because they know something is different about Ste, but ultimately, we are not given a reason, and that is so much of abuse, right? Especially by having Ste’s brother be an abuser as well, is Ste’s brother abusive just to be abusive or is Ste’s brother abusive to keep himself out of harms way?

But as I said above, my favorite aspect of Beautiful Thing is the throughline of community and community care. Namely that Sandra knows that Ste is being abused by his father and brother and she takes him in to her home so he has a safe place to rest. This is shit that I have seen my own family members do in their small communities. People they have raised like their own because there was no one else around them who would keep them safe.

I like that they don’t have to have Jamie come out explicitly and state how long he has known that he is queer, and yet I sensed The Knowing on him. I like that he calls out Ste’s own fear of being called queer, while admitting he might be afraid to be called that himself, but that I do not see shame in Jamie in the least. I like that we are spared from the bullying Jamie faces for being queer in school, and only see the aftermath of it.

I think it is really important to show high school students who understand their own sexualities and are confident in them, and I think Jamie is a really killer example of that.

For/By/About

By and About. The playwright of the original story is queer. I’m thinking about whether or not it would behoove me to do away with this section of my reviews because my determinations for this are vibes based and the last few films when the identities have been intersectional are much harder to parse. On one hand, I think you could say that having these boys be happy and letting Jamie have an accepting parent could be for the queer community. But I just…did not connect to this as a queer story. For me, and perhaps it is by nature of having women who are written and performed as human beings, I found the story around Jamie and Ste’s connection to Sandra to be far more interesting, and only the last like…15 minutes of the film have anything to do with Sandra’s reaction to Jamie and Ste being queer.

Favorite Quote

“There’s an island in the Mediterranean named Lesbian and all it’s inhabitants are dykes”

I do not think this requires any explanation.

Favorite Moment

gif by @bl-bam-beyond

Honestly, I am a really big fan of the dance at the very end of the film. I like how quickly and easily it shows Ste and Jamie’s acceptance and comfortability with their relationship. I like that Leah and Sandra joined in at the end, both establishing themselves as allies and normalizing two people of the same sex dancing together. While there were a few other moments that were more emotionally compelling, the dancing scene at the end is a joyous celebration and moment of visibility for queer people, and I think a little dance in the sun is the perfect way to close out Unit 2, as I head towards The Rough Units: Unit 3- Faith and Religion and then eventually Unit 4- Heartbreak Alley.

Score

9/10

I think structurally and technically it was sound, it dipped in the middle, and I was overall less invested than other movies in the syllabus, but it was still very good.

And with that, I am done with Unit 2! On to Unit 3: Faith and Religion which I am sure is filled with nothing but upbeat, positive, happy stories..... (can you hear the sarcasm). Be warned as I have been warned that the next couple units are gonna be filled queer pain.

#bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #queer cinema syllabus #beautiful thing #beautiful thing (1996)

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vaalthus · 2 months

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The Final Steps (spoilers)

Ok, the idea of Xan looking towards Warlic as a protective buffer to keep things that are making him uncomfortable away from him is absolutely hilarious.

Ya see I still don't like the sound of that while we don't know what the intent of the other Magesters, beyond Ostromir and Vseslava, are at the moment, even with the knowledge that many of them will be dead in a short amount of time.

One thing I have noticed so far is that Zvezdana has shown consistent interest in us as a means of studying new applications and effects of magic that are not readily present in the Azaveyran continent. She mentions she doesn't have us all figured to the degree that she wishes but so far she has at least shown a good amount of insight of understanding where we stand in terms of morals and ethics, I'd say that goes for more characters in party than just the hero. What I'm getting at here it seems pretty clear for now at least that our relationship is little more than useful data collection to her.

Beyond that though I'm curious as to what these new approved pursuits the Shapeless intends to endeavor because I foresee problems arising if they found a new interests in Doom or recreating Alexander's...condition.

Hmm perhaps we should have conscripted some elves or werewolves for this fight or maybe Nikki at least.

Either way, this is some good lore on the elemental affinity a soul produces on its own or when the body is altered significantly. We already knew of course that the human body contains minute traces of all the prime elements within it, but, as anticipated, this quest just proved these elements do not exist equally within every human being on Lore, even those that have not been pushed so far into one elemental direction like Xan or Sepulchure.

Feel like the easiest way to have tested this is by having another dragonlord and their dragon in attendance since we know the others are capable of swapping the elements of their dragons as needed. Though I wouldn't be too surprised if being one of the twin dragons was all it took for Draco to be protected from the overflow of mana.

Oh what gave it away Zvezdana, my non-canonical class armor?

Not appreciating the shade thrown towards Aegis. He's a good pure and wholesome spirit, woman!

It's actually kind of funny that Aegis is protecting our soul from straining apart given that's what his role will theoretically become when we die and he'll have to protect us until we become fully fledged elemental spirits...ya know unless ya eat him later...

I wonder if this adjustment will have any permanent effect on Alteon considering he's being pushed further towards the energy element or if this will be a temporary change, like the soul self-regulating afterwards.

At first I was a little bit surprised that she no longer labeled all of us as villians that just couldn't or didn't want to see the good she was trying to do especially after she declared Warlic as little more than a manipulator after their confrontation.

Yet that surprise dies away when you realize she doesn't really have a choice but to recognize that our intent was never really all that misguided to begin with. Think about it, her truest closest confidant, the time mirror, showed her that Akanthus, her right-hand man, had betrayed her trust and when she confronted him on this, he merely verified that fact. When confronted with this information what other choice does she really have but to accept that she was being in denial of our motivations in not trusting her actions or at least the man she was allowing to command a good portion of the Rose.

Of course, it doesn't matter if she finally sees the truth about us as she's sunken too much into this plan to turn back now even though she knows her only ally now is a man that could potentially wreak havoc upon all of Lore if, and let's be honest it's more of a when, she fails to supplant the Mana Core's will.

For all intents and purposes, Jaania story still remains a tragedy and while I don't want her dead, the potential for so many ends for her are not looking good. Whether it be in failing to control the core, further betrayal from Akanthus, or us, or even plausibly one of the others in the party, looking at you Zvezdana.

#dragonfable #dragonfable spoilers #df lore #dragonfable lore #the element of the souls #ah Zvezdana what is thy intent?#kind of funny in spite of all we gone through with ice our soul still doesn't imbalance towards it enough #the death flags the death flags the death flags the death flags #she is not allowed to die until after we boss fight her ya hear me!#I still need payback after the frozen ptsd and all the hooey she spouted at the Gala

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aresmarked · 8 months

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now that 'and now i wear this ribbon' has officially finished, and we've got official TLs, I want to examine Mafuyu's card story. I think it's a powerful insight into the progress Mafuyu's made, even as she's not entirely, cognisant of it.

TL;DR, even while she's not yet facing the pressure of awareness of how her mother is hurting her, she does unconsciously recognise that her mother's care is not the same as others, even here (specifically, before she comes to know other parents i.e. Ena's mother.)

So for those who don't have the card, someone's done a fan TL here. (If reading the transcript would be easier, you can go here.) The major parts leading in are Mafuyu being a bit more tense in her home, having to guard against her mother finding out she's still making music, her being a little more conscious of how she feels when she's putting a persona, and Shizuku being keen-eyed, noting she's not her usual self, which leads to her checking Mafuyu's temperature and this exchange.

So first, yes, ow, they kept that deliberate change of wording from Mafuyu starting to call Shizuku 'motherly', stopping, and changing it. Even if she couldn't word it precisely, consciously recognise how her mother is harming her, it's clear Mafuyu does recognise her mother's care is different than Shizuku's own.

It's important to keep in mind that before this there hadn't yet really been many times where we've seen Shizuku looking out for Mafuyu (though as Draw Your Bow shows us down the line, she certainly wishes to return all that she feels she's received). The closest is their interaction from Mafuyu's Mirage of Light card, where Shizuku is the first to note Mafuyu's not feeling well, and wondering if it's from overwork, as she's reminding her of Haruka who also has a bit of a persona and tends not to put it down unless deliberate efforts are made toward that. Which, lol. Lmao even. Love that perceptiveness.

Putting that aside for the inevitable Shizumafu rambles, the fact just from two times Mafuyu can say this speaks volumes about how she Knows the care Shizuku gives differs from her mother's.

The story continues going, saying how Shizuku thinks Mafuyu would be an excellent older sister, from how she's always looking for folk (which as we know isn't an untrue thing) but Mafuyu is caught by surprise by that—and that at times, Shizuku's felt like she hasn't been a good older sister, with how being an idol perhaps took her away from Shiho when she might've needed support, and how she's felt she hadn't given as much as Shiho'd given her.

I've less to say about this part isolated, but I think it's interesting that the writers chose to use as much of Mafuyu's card talking about the Hinomori siblings' relationship. But it does make sense, because it communicates to Mafuyu the reciprocity in their relationship, and causes Mafuyu to reflect on that Ena is an older sister (and to a lesser degree, Mizuki is a younger sib), specifically...

The thing Mafuyu takes away is that the care is clear from the older sisters she knows. From Shizuku to Shiho, between Ena and Akito for all she calls him 'cheeky', and from Ena to her... Mafuyu lingers on how that care shines through.

It's Mafuyu of course, and her reflection cuts there after Shizuku leaves with a 'siblings huh... well time to go to class'. What Mafuyu's takeaway is not spelt out for us. Does she wish for a sibling who would've looked out for her like the older siblings around her do, or does she just wish the care she gets was more like that? Whatever the ambiguous specifics, it's clear even here how they check on her is something she wishes she had more of... and given the set up up until this point, that she'll definitely get from her friends.

#project sekai #asahina mafuyu #hinomori shizuku #shinonome ena #warproduct rambles #also gonna tag #shizumafu #cause this IMO is a huge piece of how mafuyu relates to both #regardless of whether it's romantic or not #mafuena

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sneakydraws · 1 year

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I'd love to hear your thoughts about gender, privileges and social mobility in wap 👀👀👀 because I have been thinking a lot about it lately (mainly in relation to Sonya)

SWEATS..... YEAH I KNOW I'VE SEEN YOUR SONYA INSIGHTS THEY'RE REALLY GOOD I'M ALL INTIMIDATED NOW... ok lemme paste what I frantically wrote in my notes app while taking a shit and hopefully it'll make some sort of sense because I really should not be letting myself get distracted by fine tuning the wording rn

So like. Helene is an extremely sophisticated woman with a secret vulgar side. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that although she makes no secret of her vulgarity, through sheer power of confidence and daring (and money and status and name) her vulgarity is transformed into sophistication in the eyes of society.

This is why I find something genuinely compelling in her relationship with dolokhov - he also has a vulgar (read: poor) side covered up by a thin veneer of class which he keeps up through sheer confidence. But then their situations are as similar as they are different - woman and man, rich and poor. Helene needs to spare no effort to maintain her wealth and status besides complying with her parents' plans for her, while dolokhov has to actively claw his way out of poverty. Helene, though her social intelligence keeps her out of trouble in this regard, is always at risk of being ruined if scandal should break out, while dolokhov can gamble and fuck and drink and get in duels with no repercussions... Until he goes a step too far and his lack of social capital means he actually gets punished, unlike ultimate nepobaby failson Anatole. It's actually interesting how gender and class intersect here. As a man, dolokhov has much more freedom to make his own fortune than a woman of his social background would - he can take up a career, he can swindle rich young idiots out of their money - but in order to achieve the status he evidently desires he is reliant on his friendship (👀) with a rich young idiot of his own who'll provide for him. In this way, he ends up just as dependent as Helene is on her husband.

Also it's interesting that the two men Helene supposedly has affairs with, dolokhov and Boris, both have this heavy theme of upwards social mobility going on. Idk

#ask #mynameisemma #helene bezukhova #fedya dolokhov #i want to elaborate on this in like... a family portrait kinda drawing but i am OBSESSED with kuragins and their consistent theme of #with confidence you can get away with anything #and how dolokhov really is almost an honorary kuragin in this regard #and btw what i mean by ive seen your insights is that your insights definitely influenced mine

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amelikos · 1 year

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Some character and episode notes from HZ004, writing them down for future reference!

- Liko being happy to be given something to do on the ship is neat, she really seems like she wants to learn to do things by herself, help out and not just be protected etc. She did say in the first episode that she wanted to learn about things she doesn’t know and she is doing just that, at her own pace. I am hoping Friede will teach her other things in the future. I also like that Liko is still keeping up her Nyahoja Observation Diary as she really wants to get to know her partner Pokemon better.

- Little scenes showing off the Pokemon’s personalities are always fun to see (and something I really enjoy about the anime in general), so Hogator playing with Lizardon was cute. The reveal that Hogator looks up to Lizardon was also nice, and I like how Liko remembered a scene from HZ002, with Hogator running up to Lizardon and being happy to see it when it came back on the ship. We also got Hogator mimicking Lizardon and trying to produce fire in HZ002, so it’s nice that there was buildup for this Pokemon dynamics. I do wonder if this will also parallel Friede and Roy’s relationship once Roy joins the crew, as Roy seemed impressed by Friede’s skills and mentioned that he looks up to Trainers.

- I like how Liko deals with the search for Hogator. First asking Murdock, then asking the Rotom Dex, and then asking the rest of the crew before following Nyahoja. Methodical and I like how we get insights about Hogator each time (that it was trying to sneak food, that it looks up to Lizardon, and that it enjoys singing).

- Roy seems to be taking online classes as well. I like that so far, the series brings up the school aspect and that these kids go to school and learn, actually. He seems to have classmates from different regions, which is nice, the world feels more connected. He mentioned that he watched some videos about other places but he’s never left his island. That’s a similarity he shares with Liko, as she didn’t leave Paldea before going to school in Kanto.

- There are two things which stood out to me about Roy: he uses boku to refer to himself, and he doesn’t seem to talk about dreams. The boku thing was a bit surprising for me since I kind of expected him to be the type to use ore (adventurous and seemingly an extravert type of character, etc). For example, Amethio could have been the type to use boku since he seems more put together and has a professional facade but he uses ore. I feel like Roy using boku already says something about his character (usually in Pokemon, male protagonists use ore). Moreover, when his classmates ask him what he wants to do, Roy says that he doesn’t know (similarly to Liko who doesn’t exactly know what she wants to do and doesn’t have a precise dream but knows she wants to learn many things). Then, Roy adds that he has a “plan”. Not a dream, but a plan. And it is a pattern since he repeats that word several times in the episode, saying he needs a partner Pokemon to pull off that plan and later in the episode, mentioning to Hogator that he has a plan. I wonder if he’ll eventually mention the word “dream”? It feels very intentional that he doesn’t use that word. Perhaps a lack of confidence? Roy mentions that his grandfather and others say that “everywhere is the same” (perhaps implying that there is no need to go on a grand adventure or that his grandfather doesn’t want him to put himself at risk?), so perhaps he doesn’t talk about his plan to others? He built a secret base for himself too, so maybe he doesn’t want to talk openly about his aspirations to his grandfather? I guess we’ll learn soon.

- Roy only seems to have his grandfather as relative so far. I wonder if something happened to his parents? He only mentioned “living here with Gramps” and didn’t mention anyone else. I also like the hints being set up for a potential Friede backstory as he seems to know Roy’s grandfather. At least this way, when Roy eventually joins the Rising Volt Tacklers, it’ll be easier for his grandfather to entrust his safety to someone he actually knows rather than to someone he doesn’t. Roy and his grandfather seem to have a good relationship from the bits we’ve seen (Roy cheerfully greeting him good morning in HZ003 when he left the house, and seemingly being able to play around in the island). His grandfather seems to have a bit of a strict side as seen with Friede, and also seems to be respected on the island as he is called “Elder” by someone and is asked about the Pokemon going on a rampage. So it seems people go to him for guidance? Either way, I think that if Roy mentions wanting to go on a trip, his grandfather will refuse at first and will eventually have to be convinced, as we’ve seen something potentially hinting at that in the preview for HZ005.

- The dynamics between Roy and Hogator was nice, and I enjoyed the buildup. Roy trying to encourage it to sing and helping with his confidence was good (and I wonder if Roy will eventually have to be helped to be more confident as well?). They seem to work well together and Roy seems to have quick thinking too. He also recognized Strike’s cry directly after hearing it (which implies that he has a good memory and seems to be knowledgeable about the little quirks of the Pokemon living on his island).

- Liko and Roy seem to have an interesting dynamics so far too and the connection between the pendant and the ancient Pokeball is an intriguing one. I do like the parallels between them (Liko receiving her pendant from her grandmother, Roy receiving his Pokeball from his grandfather). I look forward to them both growing together as Trainers. It was also really cute how they both had the same thought at the end, which was to gather food for the Pokemon to properly make up for Hogator eating all of it. They’re really thoughtful!

- I also liked the way Friede dealt with the agitated Pokemon. He doesn’t engage in battle and tells Lizardon that his fire would make things worse so he is thinking about the Pokemon’s safety. And he finds a way to calm them down and then properly feeds them. Since he was investigating the problem, it seemed he guessed that the Pokemon on a rampage needed food and brought berries with him. He really is a professor~ And he thanks Roy for helping Liko and the Pokemon. Liko calls him “Friede-san” too!

- Soulblades casually being out of its Pokeball at the end with Amethio is cool to see. I like seeing trainers with their partner Pokemon, and they do seem close. I hope we’ll see more of their bond (like how they met, or something). I also wonder who Amethio was talking to (he didn’t say his name), but it seems to be someone who can report to a superior. At least we got another name, “Gibeon”, and given the way the butler (?) calls him with the -sama suffix, it looks like it’s the boss (and the one who wants the pendant anyway). Amethio not wanting to report anything right away was curious, I wonder if he only wants to report once he’s got actual results to show. Seeing how Liko and Roy seem to have important bonds with relatives (grandmother and grandfather respectively), I wonder if Amethio will have some kind of family bond too.

#character notes #episode notes #hz004 #liko #roy #friede #amethio

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kleenexwoman · 7 months

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are you jesus 💀

(gif by @speakless)

Hi! I play @one-coming-is-enough on the Tumblr for fun! :)

I am an overeducated, underemployed hippie in my upper 30s. Have yet to be executed for any of my rants. People usually blink slowly a few times and ask me if I'm watching the game instead. And they usually mean the Lions, around here. (Who are largely Christian by now. No tearing apart infidels at the ol' Silverdome.)

Although I joke fondly that my mother is an unstoppable cyborg who got programmed by Ms. Frizzle, she is not the Incorruptible Virgin. My Conception was not preceded by the Angel Gabriel, but by three fuzzy navels the night before Thanksgiving in 1985. (My father was involved, yes. Like many Jewish fathers, he occasionally likes to liken himself to God or one of his prophets. It's just a thing that happens when you're taught to think of Avram as your cranky great-grandfather who's the reason your Uncle Isaac doesn't talk at meals ever.)

I can't walk on water (dead man's float I do okay). I can't turn water into wine, and I've tried really hard. I can't multiply sandwiches just by thinking about it, but I only try it with pizza or tacos tbh. Sometimes brownies. Can't raise the dead or I would have way more cats than I do now. I would NEVER have a cat die on me. I would be Queen of Immortal Cats, Ruler of Ulthar.

I started playing Jesus because I have tried to understand Christianity from the outside for a long time. I have Christian relatives because my family likes to intermarry, although I wasn't raised in the faith (my Jewish Dad got into the Santa spirit perhaps more than my largely Catholic relatives, who reminded me that Saint Nicholas gave to the poor, confirmed for me that Santa was a really just a kids' story with a deeper meaning, and told me I was smart for having compared the sooty boot prints).

And there's always been these odd conceptual leaps in the Story of Jesus that didn't make sense to me, like someone had taken out some kind of central character or conceit that made the whole thing make sense and replaced it with this circular idea about its relationship to Judaism, which I understood as a very specific history of a very specific people in a very specific set of times and places rather than something that could be applied to the whole world easily. Sure, we had some pretty good values in there by the time I got around to being enrolled in a Reform Temple (partially so I could network with my fellow tiny Jews in the 90s, which I didn't do much of on my own because undiagnosed autism), but that had come over centuries of insight, debate, and social and philosophical change, not all from the Torah itself.

I'm starting to think that Jesus was originally supposed to be the concept of phonic language itself, personified as the Unkillable Son of Saturn the God of Time and Decay. But this is a really weird theory.

And of course I would think that. I'm a writer. A poet, and I don't like to bring that term out casually because it makes me sound fucking insufferable, but I write poetry and I'm good at it when I do. And something that's really important in poetry is the space between words. Speaking them slowly or quickly, with a pause or no pause, this is stuff slam poets are coached on. I picked up a lot from Ronnie Apter in her Modernist Poetry class, even though I never did real slam ("real" slam is ranked, slam style is just the style, I can do slam style but I think competitive poetry is... Not My Thing). But one of the most challenging gulfs between a "page poet" and a "performance poet" is the way they supposedly enjamb their words--a "page poet" is supposed to arrange things so it looks pretty, a slam poet is supposed to arrange things so the spaces represent things about tone and delivery.

I ran out of brain juice. I'm gonna have my coffee now. Thanks for asking! Please do not seek me out for crimes against the state yet.

#personal #good omens rp meta

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septemberbaby03 · 4 months

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The Heart is a Muscle!

In my comparative literature class last term, I gave a presentation on a visual representation of the poem “Love Letter” by Sylvia Plath. Despite the depressing nature of most of Plath’s work, this particular poem is rather sweet and optimistic. At the end of my presentation, my visual representation of the poem was open to questions by my classmates. One of my classmates, a girl who couldn’t have been more than two years older than me, with a lip piercing and thick eyeliner, raised her hand.

“I don’t mean this question to be offensive at all,” she began. “I was wondering why you decided to portray love in this poem in a juvenile, puppy love sort of way, rather than in a mature and adult way?”

Her question caught me off guard. It was as if she was saying, how cute, she doesn’t even know what love really is. When making the presentation, I hadn’t considered what “kind” of love I was portraying. And I didn’t even really have a sound answer to her question. I just made something up and pretended that the question didn’t phase me.

Perhaps my classmate was being critical. But I began to consider, and maybe even accept, the idea that the way I view love is juvenile.

I read this book about a woman who investigated how to fall in love by analyzing the relationships of her parents and her own past, and through biological and psychological research. My desire for love, mixed with the recent breakup between my mother and stepfather, drew me to this book. I thought that maybe if I did some research I could save myself from making the same painful mistakes in love as the people around me.

My heart was hurt pretty badly about two years ago when it turned out that the boy I liked had been leading me on for several months. We were eighteen and I was naive and laughably inexperienced with relationships. I wrote about him in my journal for an entire summer after we stopped talking, and then I refused to fall for anyone else for as long as possible.

Shortly after I read the book about love, I met someone. We held hands and talked on the phone for hours and went on dinner dates. I let my guard down for the first time in two years. I thought maybe my newfound insights on love meant that I was going to get it right this time.

Of course, things ended between him and I within a matter of only two months. I blew off my friends on a Saturday night with a pounding headache and waves of nausea in my stomach. I drove around at night and listened to sad songs. I re-read our texts over and over and over.

It was the second heartache of my adult life and it felt different than the first. The second heartache lasted five days while the first lasted three months. And after the second heartache, I decided not to build up my walls again.

Although my experience with love is completely limited, and I will admit that I am still naive and laughably inexperienced with relationships, I can say with confidence that being cautious is not the answer to ‘how to fall in love’. In fact, I don’t think there is a right answer at all.

Anyways, I guess I am not the author to read for this topic. More on this once I am no longer so juvenile when it comes to love.

I wonder if the girl from my comparative literature class would scoff at this writing piece. Or perhaps she would be happy to see that I can admit to my own naive tendencies. Really, though, how much more is there to know?

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journeydb · 6 months

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November 4 2022 Barcelona

Claire and I went during our French class today to the Salvador Dali exhibition at the Ideal theater and museum in Poble Nou. It was amazing, especially the Metaverse experience at the end when I felt like I was INSIDE the world of his paintings. The large theater presentation was also very interesting and immersive.

The theater provided a bit of an IMAX experience because images were displayed on the ceiling, walls, and floor and the music was enchanting.

Dali was a genius and his works of art are fascinating and bizarre. Unfortunately, it turns out he wasn't a very good person, which I never realized until I attended this exhibition. It seems he was not only a Nazi sympathizer, he was also a narcissist and a bully.

He was brutal to his wife and muse, Gala, who was the inspiration for much of his work. Her real name was Elena Ivanova Diakonova. The exhibition suggested they were in a sado-masochistic relationship for much of their marriage. Their relationship was one of love, hate, mutual respect and disrespect, and even cruelty. Perhaps they were both narcissists.

The visuals of Cadaques, on the Costa Brava, where they lived and which Bruce and I have visited several times with friends, were stunning. It makes you wonder how people living in such a gorgeous place and with wealth and fame could have become so destructive towards one another.

But that is the mystery of mental health issues that have only recently begun to have been investigated enough to provide us with insight into the pathologies and possible treatments for these maladies. Of course, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is in a class of its own and currently there are very few successful treatments and no cure.

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healthguidenow · 7 months

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Lesbian Sex Bible - The New Guide to Sexual Love for Same-Sex Couples

Blog Introduction:

Sexual intimacy is a vital part of most relationships, but sex between same-sex couples is still a taboo topic in many parts of the world. However, with the rise of LGBT rights and queer advocates, more and more resources are emerging that aim to break this stigma and provide guidance to same-sex couples to explore their sexuality. The Lesbian Sex Bible by Diana Cage is one such resource that offers hot tips, techniques and advice for women seeking to enhance their sexual experiences with other women.

First up, this book has a comprehensive introduction that addresses the challenges and opportunities that lesbians face when it comes to sex. Diana Cage does an excellent job of breaking down common myths about lesbian sex and helping her readers to replace them with facts. One of the biggest myths about lesbian sex is that it's all about scissoring, but Cage highlights that there's much more to it than this one position. Another myth she debunks is that one partner has to be more masculine and the other more feminine. These misconceptions and stereotypes serve to reinforce society's limited view of gender and sexuality, which Cage challenges throughout the book.

The Lesbian Sex Bible then goes on to explore different sexual activities and techniques that same-sex couples may find pleasurable. From oral sex to using sex toys, Cage shares practical advice on how to make these activities more enjoyable, safe, and comfortable. She offers tips on how to explore one's own and one's partner's body, how to communicate and express desires, how to arouse and satisfy each other, and how to maintain intimacy over time. What's particularly appealing about her advice is that it caters to all levels of sexual experience and interests. Whether you're new to same-sex intimacy or a seasoned pro, you'll find something valuable in the Lesbian Sex Bible.

Another strength of the book is that it doesn't shy away from addressing the social and emotional aspects of same-sex relationships. Cage talks candidly about the challenges that many queer couples face, including homophobia, prejudice, and discrimination. She also acknowledges the diversity within the lesbian community, such as age, race, class, and ability, and shows sensitivity to different cultural and personal backgrounds. She encourages same-sex couples to develop trust, respect, and open communication with each other, which are essential for a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.

But perhaps the most intriguing part of the Lesbian Sex Bible is how Cage emphasizes the importance of inner growth and self-love in order to fully enjoy and express one's sexuality. She encourages her readers to explore their fantasies, desires, and boundaries, and to be honest and accepting of themselves. Cage also acknowledges that sex can be a source of healing and empowerment for queer women, especially if they've faced trauma or negative messages about their bodies and desires. She invites her readers to use this book as a tool for liberating their sexual selves and for creating a more inclusive and celebratory culture of lesbian sex.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, the Lesbian Sex Bible is a refreshing and informative guidebook for lesbians and queer women who want to enhance their sexual pleasure and deepen their intimacy with their partners. Diana Cage offers a wealth of tips, techniques, and insights that cater to different levels of experience, interests, and backgrounds. She debunks myths about lesbian sex, explores different sexual activities, addresses social and emotional challenges faced by same-sex couples, and encourages inner growth and self-love. All in all, this book is a valuable addition to the growing literature on queer sexuality that aims to empower and celebrate diverse expressions of gender and desire. Whether you're in a same-sex relationship or not, the Lesbian Sex Bible is a must-read for anyone who wants to expand their horizons and explore the beautiful world of lesbian sex.

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byneddiedingo · 8 months

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Martin Donovan and Mary B. Ward in Surviving Desire (Hal Hartley, 1992)

Cast: Martin Donovan, Mary B. Ward, Matt Malloy, Rebecca Nelson, Julie Kessler. Screenplay: Hal Hartley. Cinematography: Michael Spiller. Production design: Steve Rosenzweig. Film editing: Hal Hartley. Music: The Great Outdoors, Hal Hartley.

There's a brilliant moment in the middle of Hal Hartley's short film Surviving Desire when Sofie (Mary B. Ward), who is on the cusp of an affair with her professor, Jude (Martin Donovan), reads to him from a story she's been writing. It recounts the thoughts of a man articulating his feelings about the relationship he is in with a woman. When she finishes, Jude asks her to read it again, but to change the voice in the story from a man's to a woman's. When she does, the effect of the same words, with only the pronouns changed from "he" to "she," is subtly and poignantly different. Unfortunately, any insight the change might have made in the relationship between Jude and Sofie doesn't persist. This little film, just under an hour, is a case study in postmodernism and its sometimes paralyzing irony. I can imagine D.H. Lawrence, for example, might run screaming from the room if he could have been shown Surviving Desire. It's an object lesson in what he most disliked about modern life: the disjunction from the instinctual and the immediate -- what he referred to as "sex in the head." Henry James might have marveled at the exquisite self-consciousness of Hartley's characters, and E.M. Forster, who chose as epigraph for Howards End the phrase "only connect," would have nodded in sorrow at the failed connections in the film. But I think the presiding influence on Hartley's movie is Jean-Luc Godard, whose men and women talk their way through relationships just as Jude and Sofie do, but who are also capable of bursting into moments of irrational play, like the dance number Jude segues into after falling in love with Sofie. It's a steal from the Madison scene in Godard's Bande à Part (1964). Hartley's movie is a bittersweet comedy. It opens with Jude reading from The Brothers Karamazov, trying to get his students to comprehend Dostoevsky. They don't: Someone literally throws the book at him and others walk out. We come to realize that perhaps Jude doesn't comprehend Dostoevsky either: When he recounts the writer's tortured life to the class, it's easy to see that Jude has never experienced anything of that order, that the intellectual content of the novel eclipses for him the emotional content that comes from Dostoevsky's life. The film ends with Sofie, working in a bookstore, repeating the words "Can I help anyone?" to the customers who mill around her, her tone of voice suggesting that she hopes no one will answer. Hartley's characters are beyond help, stuck in their own minds. A bartender in the movie says that "Americans ... want a tragedy with a happy ending." What Hartley gives them is a comedy with an ending that's neither tragic nor comic but rather that special postmodern blend of both.

#Surviving Desire #Hal Hartley #Martin Donovan #Mary B. Ward

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bao3bei4 · 3 years

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fan language: the victorian imaginary and cnovel fandom

there’s this pinterest image i’ve seen circulating a lot in the past year i’ve been on fandom social media. it’s a drawn infographic of a, i guess, asian-looking woman holding a fan in different places relative to her face to show what the graphic helpfully calls “the language of the fan.”

people like sharing it. they like thinking about what nefarious ancient chinese hanky code shenanigans their favorite fan-toting character might get up to⁠—accidentally or on purpose. and what’s the problem with that?

the problem is that fan language isn’t chinese. it’s victorian. and even then, it’s not really quite victorian at all.

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fans served a primarily utilitarian purpose throughout chinese history. of course, most of the surviving fans we see⁠—and the types of fans we tend to care about⁠—are closer to art pieces. but realistically speaking, the majority of fans were made of cheaper material for more mundane purposes. in china, just like all around the world, people fanned themselves. it got hot!

so here’s a big tipoff. it would be very difficult to use a fan if you had an elaborate language centered around fanning yourself.

you might argue that fine, everyday working people didn’t have a fan language. but wealthy people might have had one. the problem we encounter here is that fans weren’t really gendered. (caveat here that certain types of fans were more popular with women. however, those tended to be the round silk fans, ones that bear no resemblance to the folding fans in the graphic). no disrespect to the gnc old man fuckers in the crowd, but this language isn’t quite masc enough for a tool that someone’s dad might regularly use.

folding fans, we know, reached europe in the 17th century and gained immense popularity in the 18th. it was there that fans began to take on a gendered quality. ariel beaujot describes in their 2012 victorian fashion accessories how middle class women, in the midst of a top shortage, found themselves clutching fans in hopes of securing a husband.

she quotes an article from the illustrated london news, suggesting “women ‘not only’ used fans to ‘move the air and cool themselves but also to express their sentiments.’” general wisdom was that the movement of the fan was sufficiently expressive that it augmented a woman’s displays of emotion. and of course, the more english audiences became aware that it might do so, the more they might use their fans purposefully in that way.

notice, however, that this is no more codified than body language in general is. it turns out that “the language of the fan” was actually created by fan manufacturers at the turn of the 20th century⁠—hundreds of years after their arrival⁠ in europe—to sell more fans. i’m not even kidding right now. the story goes that it was louis duvelleroy of the maison duvelleroy who decided to include pamphlets on the language with each fan sold.

interestingly enough, beaujot suggests that it didn’t really matter what each particular fan sign meant. gentlemen could tell when they were being flirted with. as it happens, meaningful eye contact and a light flutter near the face may be a lingua franca.

so it seems then, the language of the fan is merely part of this victorian imaginary we collectively have today, which in turn itself was itself captivated by china.

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victorian references come up perhaps unexpectedly often in cnovel fandom, most often with regards to modesty.

it’s a bit of an awkward reference considering that chinese traditional fashion⁠—and the ambiguous time periods in which these novels are set⁠—far predate victorian england. it is even more awkward considering that victoria and her covered ankles did um. imperialize china.

but nonetheless, it is common. and to make a point about how ubiquitous it is, here is a link to the twitter search for “sqq victorian.” sqq is the fandom abbreviation for shen qingqiu, the main character of the scum villain’s self-saving system, by the way.

this is an awful lot of results for a search involving a chinese man who spends the entire novel in either real modern-day china or fantasy ancient china. that’s all i’m going to say on the matter, without referencing any specific tweet.

i think people are aware of the anachronism. and i think they don’t mind. even the most cursory research reveals that fan language is european and a revisionist fantasy. wikipedia can tell us this⁠—i checked!

but it doesn’t matter to me whether people are trying to make an internally consistent canon compliant claim, or whether they’re just free associating between fan facts they know. it is, instead, more interesting to me that people consistently refer to this particular bit of history. and that’s what i want to talk about today⁠—the relationship of fandom today to this two hundred odd year span of time in england (roughly stuart to victorian times) and england in that time period to its contemporaneous china.

things will slip a little here. victorian has expanded in timeframe, if only because random guys posting online do not care overly much for respect for the intricacies of british history. china has expanded in geographic location, if only because the english of the time themselves conflated china with all of asia.

in addition, note that i am critiquing a certain perspective on the topic. this is why i write about fan as white here⁠—not because all fans are white⁠—but because the tendencies i’m examining have a clear historical antecedent in whiteness that shapes how white fans encounter these novels.

i’m sure some fans of color participate in these practices. however i don’t really care about that. they are not its main perpetrators nor its main beneficiaries. so personally i am minding my own business on that front.

it’s instead important to me to illuminate the linkage between white as subject and chinese as object in history and in the present that i do argue that fannish products today are built upon.

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it’s not radical, or even new at all, for white audiences to consume⁠—or create their own versions of⁠—chinese art en masse. in many ways the white creators who appear to owe their whole style and aesthetic to their asian peers in turn are just the new chinoiserie.

this is not to say that white people can’t create asian-inspired art. but rather, i am asking you to sit with the discomfort that you may not like the artistic company you keep in the broader view of history, and to consider together what is to be done about that.

now, when i say the new chinoiserie, i first want to establish what the original one is. chinoiserie was a european artistic movement that appeared coincident with the rise in popularity of folding fans that i described above. this is not by coincidence; the european demand for asian imports and the eventual production of lookalikes is the movement itself. so: when we talk about fans, when we talk about china (porcelain), when we talk about tea in england⁠—we are talking about the legacy of chinoiserie.

there are a couple things i want to note here. while english people as a whole had a very tenuous knowledge of what china might be, their appetites for chinoiserie were roughly coincident with national relations with china. as the relationship between england and china moved from trade to out-and-out wars, chinoiserie declined in popularity until china had been safely subjugated once more by the end of the 19th century.

the second thing i want to note on the subject that contrary to what one might think at first, the appeal of chinoiserie was not that it was foreign. eugenia zuroski’s 2013 taste for china examines 18th century english literature and its descriptions of the according material culture with the lens that chinese imports might be formative to english identity, rather than antithetical to it.

beyond that bare thesis, i think it’s also worthwhile to extend her insight that material objects become animated by the literary viewpoints on them. this is true, both in a limited general sense as well as in the sense that english thinkers of the time self-consciously articulated this viewpoint. consider the quote from the illustrated london news above⁠—your fan, that object, says something about you. and not only that, but the objects you surround yourself with ought to.

it’s a bit circular, the idea that written material says that you should allow written material to shape your understanding of physical objects. but it’s both 1) what happened, and 2) integral, i think, to integrating a fannish perspective into the topic.

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japanning is the name for the popular imitative lacquering that english craftspeople developed in domestic response to the demand for lacquerware imports. in the eighteenth century, japanning became an artform especially suited for young women. manuals were published on the subject, urging young women to learn how to paint furniture and other surfaces, encouraging them to rework the designs provided in the text.

it was considered a beneficial activity for them; zuroski describes how it was “associated with commerce and connoisseurship, practical skill and aesthetic judgment.” a skillful japanner, rather than simply obscuring what lay underneath the lacquer, displayed their superior judgment in how they chose to arrange these new canonical figures and effects in a tasteful way to bring out the best qualities of them.

zuroski quotes the first english-language manual on the subject, written in 1688, which explains how japanning allows one to:

alter and correct, take out a piece from one, add a fragment to the next, and make an entire garment compleat in all its parts, though tis wrought out of never so many disagreeing patterns.

this language evokes a very different, very modern practice. it is this english reworking of an asian artform that i think the parallels are most obvious.

white people, through their artistic investment in chinese material objects and aesthetics, integrated them into their own subjectivity. these practices came to say something about the people who participated in them, in a way that had little to do with the country itself. their relationship changed from being a “consumer” of chinese objects to becoming the proprietor of these new aesthetic signifiers.

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i want to talk about this through a few pairs of tensions on the subject that i think characterize common attitudes then and now.

first, consider the relationship between the self and the other: the chinese object as something that is very familiar to you, speaking to something about your own self vs. the chinese object as something that is fundamentally different from you and unknowable to you.

consider: [insert character name] is just like me. he would no doubt like the same things i like, consume the same cultural products. we are the same in some meaningful way vs. the fast standard fic disclaimer that “i tried my best when writing this fic, but i’m a english-speaking westerner, and i’m just writing this for fun so...... [excuses and alterations the person has chosen to make in this light],” going hand-in-hand with a preoccupation with authenticity or even overreliance on the unpaid labor of chinese friends and acquaintances.

consider: hugh honour when he quotes a man from the 1640s claiming “chinoiserie of this even more hybrid kind had become so far removed from genuine Chinese tradition that it was exported from India to China as a novelty to the Chinese themselves”

these tensions coexist, and look how they have been resolved.

second, consider what we vest in objects themselves: beaujot explains how the fan became a sexualized, coquettish object in the hands of a british woman, but was used to great effect in gilbert and sullivan’s 1885 mikado to demonstrate the docility of asian women.

consider: these characters became expressions of your sexual desires and fetishes, even as their 5’10 actors themselves are emasculated.

what is liberating for one necessitates the subjugation and fetishization of the other.

third, consider reactions to the practice: enjoyment of chinese objects as a sign of your cosmopolitan palate vs “so what’s the hype about those ancient chinese gays” pop culture explainers that addressed the unconvinced mainstream.

consider: zuroski describes how both english consumers purchased china in droves, and contemporary publications reported on them. how:

It was in the pages of these papers that the growing popularity of Chinese things in the early eighteenth century acquired the reputation of a “craze”; they portrayed china fanatics as flawed, fragile, and unreliable characters, and frequently cast chinoiserie itself in the same light.

referenda on fannish behavior serve as referenda on the objects of their devotion, and vice versa. as the difference between identity and fetish collapses, they come to be treated as one and the same by not just participants but their observers.

at what point does mxtx fic cease to be chinese?

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finally, it seems readily apparent that attitudes towards chinese objects may in fact have something to do with attitudes about china as a country. i do not want to suggest that these literary concerns are primarily motivated and begot by forces entirely divorced from the real mechanics of power.

here, i want to bring in edward said, and his 1993 culture and imperialism. there, he explains how power and legitimacy go hand in hand. one is direct, and one is purely cultural. he originally wrote this in response to the outsize impact that british novelists have had in the maintenance of empire and throughout decolonization. literature, he argues, gives rise to powerful narratives that constrain our ability to think outside of them.

there’s a little bit of an inversion at play here. these are chinese novels, actually. but they’re being transformed by white narratives and artists. and just as i think the form of the novel is important to said’s critique, i think there’s something to be said about the form that fic takes and how it legitimates itself.

bound up in fandom is the idea that you have a right to create and transform as you please. it is a nice idea, but it is one that is directed towards a certain kind of asymmetry. that is, one where the author has all the power. this is the narrative we hear a lot in the history of fandom⁠—litigious authors and plucky fans, fanspaces always under attack from corporate sanitization.

meanwhile, said builds upon raymond schwab’s narrative of cultural exchange between european writers and cultural products outside the imperial core. said explains that fundamental to these two great borrowings (from greek classics and, in the so-called “oriental renaissance” of the late 18th, early 19th centuries from “india, china, japan, persia, and islam”) is asymmetry.

he had argued prior, in orientalism, that any “cultural exchange” between “partners conscious of inequality” always results in the suffering of the people. and here, he describes how “texts by dead people were read, appreciated, and appropriated” without the presence of any actual living people in that tradition.

i will not understate that there is a certain economic dynamic complicating this particular fannish asymmetry. mxtx has profited materially from the success of her works, most fans will not. also secondly, mxtx is um. not dead. LMAO.

but first, the international dynamic of extraction that said described is still present. i do not want to get overly into white attitudes towards china in this post, because i am already thoroughly derailed, but i do believe that they structure how white cnovel fandom encounters this texts.

at any rate, any profit she receives is overwhelmingly due to her domestic popularity, not her international popularity. (i say this because many of her international fans have never given her a cent. in fact, most of them have no real way to.) and moreover, as we talk about the structure of english-language fandom, what does it mean to create chinese cultural products without chinese people?

as white people take ownership over their versions of stories, do we lose something? what narratives about engagement with cnovels might exist outside of the form of classic fandom?

i think a lot of people get the relationship between ideas (the superstructure) and production (the base) confused. oftentimes they will lob in response to criticism, that look! this fic, this fandom, these people are so niche, and so underrepresented in mainstream culture, that their effects are marginal. i am not arguing that anyone’s cql fic causes imperialism. (unless you’re really annoying. then it’s anyone’s game)

i’m instead arguing something a little bit different. i think, given similar inputs, you tend to get similar outputs. i think we live in the world that imperialism built, and we have clear historical predecessors in terms of white appetites for creating, consuming, and transforming chinese objects.

we have already seen, in the case of the fan language meme that began this post, that sometimes we even prefer this white chinoiserie. after all, isn’t it beautiful, too?

i want to bring discomfort to this topic. i want to reject the paradigm of white subject and chinese object; in fact, here in this essay, i have tried to reverse it.

if you are taken aback by the comparisons i make here, how can you make meaningful changes to your fannish practice to address it?

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some concluding thoughts on the matter, because i don’t like being misunderstood!

i am not claiming white fans cannot create fanworks of cnovels or be inspired by asian art or artists. this essay is meant to elaborate on the historical connection between victorian england and cnovel characters and fandom that others have already popularized.

i don’t think people who make victorian jokes are inherently bad or racist. i am encouraging people to think about why we might make them and/or share them

the connections here are meant to be more provocative than strictly literal. (e.g. i don’t literally think writing fanfic is a 1-1 descendant of japanning). these connections are instead meant to 1) make visible the baggage that fans of color often approach fandom with and 2) recontextualize and defamiliarize fannish practice for the purposes of honest critique

please don’t turn this post into being about other different kinds of discourse, or into something that only one “kind” of fan does. please take my words at face value and consider them in good faith. i would really appreciate that.

please feel free to ask me to clarify any statements or supply more in-depth sources :)

#x #-__- another fandom essay sorry

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peonycats · 3 years

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Hi There!🧡

I've seen your ancients related post,and I like how you added many ancient kingdoms/empires as well as some tribes that were usually left out in hetalia (and history class in general) such as Numidia.👀

So do you mind telling us more about Numidia?As well as his relationship with Carthage and Maurusia (kingdom of Mauretania)?

Can do!! A lot of this garnered from conversations I had with the lovely @recbeetch who has some fascinating insights on the ancient Maghreb ♥

(Note: You may notice that compared to my original "The Known world according to Rome" map, Numidia has lighter skin here than he does there. This is because the Numidians are generally considered to be a Mediterranean people, as well as the ancestors of the modern day Berbers, Amazigh, and other groups present in Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia. In the interest of accuracy, I wanted to make him resemble Mediterranean people and his descendants more. His original design specifically looks very Sub-Saharan African, and while Sub-Saharan Africans were certainly present in the Mediterranean, there's a great amount of physical differences between the Numidian people (and their descendants), and say, the people of Kush or Aksum! Hope this makes sense 🙏)

Now, historically Numidians had a reputation for being treacherous because they switched sides so often, though their reasons for switching sides are a lot more complicated than "pay me more" (like in the joke above bahaha) Numidia (who represents the Massylii) was a very crafty dude who was always looking to outplay his opponents, and tried to get as much leverage as he could out of his reputation as a skilled cavalryman for his own goals. On first glance, he's an unassuming dude, not particularly flashy or loud. He's used to people underestimating him, whether it because they considered him a provincial desert nomad or because it was often his sister Masaeyli who eclipsed him in stature and grandeur. However, he perhaps started overestimating his own capabilities later in his life, especially under Jugurtha's reign.

Masaeyli: (There's almost no information on the Masaeyli...) Their relationship is the closest he has to "immediate family." As stated earlier, she was the more outspoken and expressive out of both of them. They both resisted against, served as mercenaries for, and deeply resented Carthage, keeping them united on that front. As their world expanded however, and they saw more and more, they began to drift apart from one another. During the Mercenary War, both of them allied with different sides in hopes of furthering their own goals. I'm not sure what 100% they were doing during Hamilcar and Hannibal's Iberian misadventures, but right before the conclusion of the 2nd Punic War, their relationship was worst it'd ever been. Though idk rn when she specifically died, he was largely responsible for her death, annexing her lands and absorbing her people into his own.

Carthage: They have something of a mixed relationship- he and Masaeyli fiercely resisted when Phoenician settlers first landed in what would become Carthage, and they even managed to kick her around for a solid bit, as these earlier Carthaginians paid tribute to the nearby tribes. He served under her as a mercenary, and travelled to a lot of places fighting for her interests (because Carthage would never fight herself when she's gotz business to do) Their relationship is something of a combination of "asshole boss" and "begrudging enemy you can't help but respect", as he would later adopt many of her practices in his own lands, like agricultural practices and sedentary lifestyles. After the 2nd Punic War, he took full advantage of his alliance with Rome to beat her up as much as he could.

Maurusia/Mauretania: He wasn't also close/familiar with them (gender undecided) as he was with Masaeyli, as geographically, he was just much farther away from Maurusia than Masaeyli. However, he considered them a valuable ally during some of his greatest times of need, as Masinissia, the Massyli King who would defeat the Masaeyli and switch sides from Carthage to Rome, appealed the Mauri king Baga for aid. Despite Maurusia refusing to get involved in the 2nd Punic War, they agreed to provide him aid against Masaeyli. Their relationship later soured as his ambitions elicited more and more wariness. Despite this, they still allied with him in the Jugurthine War, but ultimately, ended up betraying him in exchange for territorial gains. There's something poetic to be said about just as how Massyli cemented his kingdom by betraying Masaeyli and Carthage to Rome, Maurusia too carved out their kingdom through similar treachery, but I'll settle for this meme instead.

Not superrrr sure whatever they were exactly up to under Roman rule, so this is very much informed by recbeetch!! Numidia def continued to cling on to his identity, despite being conquered by Mauretania, who began to wonder whether their choice to defect to Rome really was the correct choice in the end when they was the only independent North African polity left and Rome continued to menace them for the rest of their days, before the modern day Maghreb nations rose to take their places.

#hws numidia #hws carthage #hws mauretania #hws rome #hws masaeyli #hws massylii #hetalia ocs #hws ancients #aph ancients #historically inaccurate hair is historically inaccurate #historical hetalia #woof thats a lotta drama rama innit #long post #aph numidia

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has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong · 3 years

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Learning how to use the runes with Caster Cu (FGO)

I spent 6 hrs writing the most shamelessly self-indulgent headcanons ever Here, Caster will teach the FGO master the basics of the runes. Follow the master as they learn a bit about their origins, face rigorous testing, make their own set of runes; and use them for the very first time!

*Disclaimer: These headcanons will focus on the use of the Elder Futhark runes. (In fgo, they use both elder and younger futhark) As I’ve only been researching the Nordic runes for around 9 months, please take these headcanons with a pinch of salt! (also, fgo master will be gender neutral! Please enjoy.)

As soon as you broach the topic to him, Caster Cu’s face pales considerably; as images of Odin hanging upside down on the world tree for 9 days permeate his mind. Hopefully you weren’t asking him if you could do that... you weren't, right?

‘Shit...I knew this day would come.’ Awkwardly lowering his hood over his face (so then he can avoid looking at your expectant expression); Caster sighs. “Ah, yeah...Rune magic. Sure, I’ll teach you later...yeah, later.”

Hoping that his bluff is successful, he tries to dematerialize away as fast as possible. However, once you latch onto his pale blue coat to ask what you should do first, he finally caves in; knowing that there’s no way for him to worm his way out of this perilous situation.

“You know, you could try asking Skadi. Or how about Shishou? There’s a hell of a lot of other servants who know bits and pieces about the runes as well. How about you give ‘em a try first?”

When you admit that you want to learn from him, due to your deep appreciation for his extremely flashy use of the runes; Caster stifles a laugh. Yep, there really was no room for escape now.

“Well, I can’t fault you for that; I do look pretty damn cool in action!” Twirling his staff, Caster strikes a pose. “But I don’t get it. You’re already training in other arts. Why would you wanna load rune magic on top of that? You like drowning yourself in work or something??”

As you excitedly flapped your arms around, explaining how you liked watching him trace sparkling runes with his hands; and wanted to take his tree branch summoning skills for yourself, his eyes widen with surprise. He wasn’t expecting you to be this observant.

“Ah, you mean the Berkana/Berkano (ᛒ) rune? Yeah, that one represents the birch tree, so I can summon it. It also commonly symbolizes new beginnings and fertility...” Caster trails off as your braincells physically implode at his explanation.

Berkana? Birch trees? Fertility?! You had no idea what he was talking about right now. As a dour silence weighs heavily upon the two of you, a lightbulb of inspiration strikes Caster right in the head.

“Oi, master. Read up a little on the runes, and remember at least some of their names first. As your new teacher, that’ll be your first assignment. See ya!” And with that, he was gone, vanishing into thin air. Realizing that he had just agreed to teach you, your face sparkles with glee. Clenching your fists with all of your might, you march towards the library. Time would wait for no man!!!!

Exchanging friendly greetings with Murasaki, as you trundle through an entire emporium of books; it takes hours for you to find a book on the runes. Many of the books were in a language that you couldn’t read, however this one looked rather easy on the eyes.

Titled ‘Easy Rune Magic for Modern Mages’, you flick through a rather simplistic guide that provides you with the names and a single definition for each rune; but it provides you with little to no information on how to truly understand their meaning. With subheadings such as ‘How to use the Fehu (ᚠ) rune to generate wealth to pay for your magecraft PHD at the Clock Tower’ and ‘Is Thurisaz (ᚦ) more effective to use as a defensive spell or curse spell?’ you were officially BAMBOOZLED. Tired, you decide to throw in the towel for today.

However, on your way back to your room, a stroke of excellent luck manifests itself before you. Situated upon a sturdy pine table are none other than Sigurd and Byrnhildr, who are reading together. Although you find this scene to be rather adorable (seeing as they were both entirely intact, with no stabbing wounds to be seen); you decided to interrupt their date anyway.

“O-oh, master...” Byrnhildr blushes, as Sigurd waves politely. “What brings you here today?” Slamming your hands on the table, you passionately declare that you wish to learn more about the runes, but can’t understand them without gaining some insight into their history first. As Brynhildr’s eyes glimmer with a sense of appreciation at your open display of interest of their culture, Sigurd haphazardly pulls out the chair next to them.

“I’m glad to see you profess such a profound interest in the runes, master. Please sit down and join us.” Glasses sparkling ominously, Sigurd explains a little bit more about how the elder futhark runes work. He not only explains how Odin discovered their wisdom after hanging from the world tree Yggdrasil; but also tells you about how Odin shared their power with humankind, making him none other than the ‘Allfather’ of the runes.

At the mention of his name, Byrnhild’s expression sours somewhat; making you realize that the two most likely share personal ties with him.

“They’re a special alphabet that we can use to invoke the power and wisdom of the Norse gods, so be careful with them.”

Sigurd then goes on to explain how all 24 runes are separated into three Aetts- which are basically a means of dividing the runic characters into different categories.

“Each rune comes with a short poem. That way, you’ll be able to understand them and their context a little more.”

Once you thank him for the information, he replies with a “I hope I was of use. I’m very proud of you for asking us for help.”; as Byrnhildr returns with an entire truckload of books tucked within her arms!!!

“These books will be helpful! This one’s about the myths associated with the runes, and this one is a practical guide that’ll help cultivate understanding. As for this one, it explains their etymology.”

Byrnhildr chuckles at your gobsmacked expression, as the two of them heap the books into your own arms. “You don’t need to know everything about them, but it’ll be handy for you to develop a little bit of historical and lexical knowledge as well.”

‘I thought I only had to know their names and descriptions...!!’ Tears pooling within your eyes at the mountain of books, you thank them for their help and leave, as they wish you all the best with your studies (and prayed that one day you’d wish to speak to them in the language as well. They couldn’t wait for that opportunity!)

Sighing all the way back to your room, you gasp in surprise as you bump into none other than Skadi.

“Oh, good timing.” Passing you a bundle of golden-trimmed strips of ancient paper, Skadi smiles vigorously. “You can use these as flash cards for your rune training, as well. I’m surprised that you didn’t ask for my guidance, but that may have been for the best. I would’ve trained you thoroughly in the arts.”

A chill jolts through your spine at that. Who knows just how hard she would’ve trained you? Part of Skadi was Scathach, after all. Thanking her for her assistance, the two of you split paths.

‘I seem to be bumping into a lot of people today...’

Was this a mere coincidence, or perhaps something more?

A busy month full of book reading and writing notes onto your flash cards passes within a blur.

Mash had also shown great interest in your studies, and would help test you with your flashcards every day! However, you were still pretty confused about how long this stage of research would last for.

Whilst reading up on how runes could also be used to predict the future and provide advice for one’s dilemmas; and how the Nornir (3 deities of fate) determined this form of divination, you groan.

All of the people within the books had their own sets of runes, which they would use to communicate with the gods.

In other words, they could be used for divination as well as magic.

‘Why can’t I do that yet?’ You pout indignantly; snapping the book shut.

If Caster wouldn’t teach you rune magic, he could at least teach you about divination! Patience running thin, you decide to leap back into action.

It was time to confront your teacher, once and for all.

However, as soon as you exit your room; you are greeted by none other than Caster himself.

Almost tripping onto the floor with surprise, you gawp in shock at his appearance. With his staff and a mouth-watering cup of Darjeeling tea he had brought from one of Marie’s posthumous tea parties in his hands, Caster smirks. “Yo, master. Looks like I came just on time.”

As the two of you settle in the canteen for class (?), after a bit of small talk; you declare that you want to learn how to use the runes for divination. “If you won’t teach me magic, then I would like to learn how to communicate with the runes first, please!”

At this, he lets out an unusually loud guffaw of laughter. “Ahaha, so you finally worked it out, huh? Before you can use their magic; you gotta understand and communicate with the runes, as well. You’re a faster learner than I thought you’d be.”

Unsure whether this was a compliment or not, you enquire as to what he means by that. “It’s pretty simple: you can’t cast these bad boys without building a relationship with them first. On that note, let’s see how much you’ve learnt from your studies.”

His test is a nightmare.

As he barks the name of each rune from the First Aett (the first eight runes), you are forced to draw each and every one. If you get a rune wrong, he repeats it consistently until you draw the right alphabet for each one.

Afterwards, he takes you through a hellish journey as he asks you to provide at least one definition for each rune.

By the time you are done, night has already swept its veil over Chaldea; the halls devoid of any signs of life.

In other words, the two of you had been at this for the entire evening, which had definitely garnered you both the attention and pity of many staff and servants.

Stomach rumbling, you beg Caster to finish class for today.

“Yeah, sure. Whoops, looks like I got a bit carried away right there.” He has definitely inherited his deadly teaching style from Scathach.

When you ask him if you’re ready for the next bout of training; he frowns. “Nope, that was only the First Aett. You’ll only move to the next stage when you’ve memorized all THREE. In other words, get to learning all 24 runes!!” As you cry in despair, Caster shoots you a mischievous wink as he helps himself to the bar.

The dreaded tests continue on a weekly basis.

Not only do you have to deal with the challenges of the saving the world, helping out your allies and maintaining your own health; you also have to leap into the hellish jaws of rune testing with Caster Cu.

Albeit suffering greatly from the challenge, your spirit was also greatly roused. Learning about the runes was fun!

So much fun, that you’d often dream about them, and see their shapes in the food that you ate; and would even accidentally use their names in conversation sometimes, like saying: “Oh, I’m sure the energy of this rune would help with your headaches,” to a very bewildered Mash; or comparing the sunrise to the runes (which confused Shakespeare and Hans greatly. Actually, they are now worried about your health).

All in all, your studies were starting to take effect!!

It was finally time.

As Caster more or less yelled the name of each rune at you, your response was astounding. Not only were you able to draw the shape of every rune in a matter of seconds, you could also provide multiple readings for all 24 of them.

Eyebrows quirked with surprise, Caster sighs with relief. ‘Phew. Looks like class will be shorter than usual today.’

“Holy shit. You’ve done a damn great job, master. You got them all right!” As you roared with joy, pumping your fists into the air with glee; Caster almost fell off his chair- clutching his sides as he tried (yet failed) not to laugh. “Alright, buckle up. We’re gonna get you a set of runes now.”

A set of runes?! Your eyes sparkled at the prospect of finally being able to have runes of your own. It was about time, as well. You had grown sick of using your flash cards, you wanted the real thing!

However, you were confused about the concept of needing your own set. If Skadi and Caster Cu could manifest them just by using their hands, and magical devices; why would a person need to have a set of them? As you expressed your concern, Caster nods his head in understanding.

“I see your point. But even I have a set of runes, you know? It’s every bit as useful a method.” Unleashing a small, worn-out felt pouch; glimmering gems -whose rune inscriptions were engraved upon them in gold- splashed across the dining table. They were beautiful. “’Sides, there’s something exciting about making your own set.”

Your mind swims with excitement, as he describes the different materials that runes can be made from: bones, metal, gemstones, pebbles, glass, clay...there were endless options.

However, when you asked him if you could use your collection of Evil Bones to make a rune set, he chokes on his coffee- pure horror drenched across his features.

“No way in hell! You trying to get yourself killed? Never invoke the power of the runes on cursed items, master.”

Then how about using QP or Mana Prisms as a base to inscribe the runes instead? Once you suggested this, his face paled somewhat. “Yeah, about that...don’t even think about it. You need those materials, you know.”

Grumpily threading his hands through blue locks of hair, he sighs. “Look, I’ll help you find some materials. Guess we could rayshift the next time I’m free or something...” As you cheer exuberantly, he can’t help but crack a small smile.

Being a teacher was a lot more amusing than he originally anticipated it to be. There was something fun about departing his knowledge. Besides, he had dedicated himself to becoming the guiding light of Chaldea anyway. ‘A little teaching hurts no-one.’

Using the light of the Soliwo (ᛊ) rune to guide the way, the two of you traverse through a forest heaving with verdant green trees and wildlife.

No matter how many pretty trees and tumbled pebbles you found by the riverside; you weren’t sure if they were the right material for you.

Just when you were about to give up, a powerful jolt of electricity beckons you; almost as if it’s calling your name. As soon as you alert Caster of your instinctual powers, he looks rather flummoxed at first; but is somewhat awed once his Soliwo rune’s light begins to shine in exactly the same direction as the one you’re pointing in!

‘Huh, that sure is weird.’

Things only get weirder, once you both come upon a ginormous slab of Labradorite. Situated neatly upon a bed of leaves. Placed carefully within the middle of the forest.

This timing was too good to be true.

As the electricity coursing through your veins triples in intensity, Caster has to hold you back before you cut loose. “Oi, wait up. Let me test this stone for safety first.”

Placing an Algiz (ᛉ) runestone in your hands to guarantee your protection, he saunters towards the massive hunk of Labradorite.

Chanting an incantation beneath his breath, the forest glows in an eerie blue light; as a pale magic circle glimmers beneath the stone. “Yeah, it’s safe. Pretty strange for it to be out here, though.”

As he sketches Thurisaz (ᚦ) (which not only symbolizes thorns, defense and danger, but can also be used as a means to channel a power akin to Thor’s hammer, mlonjir) onto his staff, he smashes it against the mass of Labradorite; splitting what was once an enormous rock into 24 neatly divided; brilliant blue gems.

Gathering them up, he thrusts them before you. “Here you go. That was a pretty lucky find, if I do say so myself.”

You thank him for your help- making sure to also pay homage to the awesome power of your intuition at the same time, which tickles Caster right in the funny bone.

As soon as the stones drop into your hand; they crackle with an immensely powerful energy, as if these gems were waiting for you!!

As you turn them onto the side; you are gobsmacked to see rune inscriptions already engraved onto each and every stone, as if they were reacting to the mana flowing within your body.

You ask Caster to take a look at this strange phenomenon for you.

“Whoa, are you kidding me? That’s pretty awesome. Let me take a look, too.” As you gently stretch your palms towards Caster- trying to keep the runestones steady in your hands- he gently takes your palms, leaning towards them.

As he catches sight of the engravings lying upon them, his crimson eyes widen with bewilderment. “Holy shit...I think the gods just made you an offering. You’re secretly packing a shitload of power in there, ain’t you? Great job!”

Ruffling your hair, Caster grins. “Think you’ve got time for more teaching?”

As you nod your head, anticipation clear on your features; he plonks onto the ground, handing you a felt pouch. “Put them in there. Try doing your first reading, see what rune speaks to you first!”

Eagerly plonking all 24 runes into the sparkly pouch, you close your eyes and concentrate; beseeching the contact of the gods. Imagining yourself encountering the Nonrnir, as you visualize dropping into the center of the world; you place a hand within your pouch.

Rummaging around the bag, a single rune sends energy rippling through your fingers. That was the one! Pulling it out of the bag, you grin excitedly...only to see that it was none other than...

Nauthiz (ᚾ).

‘Aw shite...’ Disappointed by the rune, you sigh. You wished that your rune could’ve been a more positive one! However, Caster’s reaction was rather different to yours.

“Hey, it’s not as bad as it looks.” Figure illuminated by the sun, he looked much more chill than usual. “Nauthiz is all about your needs, you know? With all the singularities popping up recently, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re pushing yourself too far.”

“But this rune is basically saying ‘lol you’re suffering’...It’s frustrating.” You counter him.

You knew all too well about the massive strains your body was going through, the transformations you were forced to undergo. Sometimes, it was just too painful for you to bear. Seeing this rune only served as a reminder of that fact.

“How about you look at it from a different perspective? Even though things are way outta wack for you, a small fire still burns. Doesn’t Nauthiz look a bit like two twigs that you’d see in a fire?” Now that was a funny observation. As you smiled at that, he continued. “It just means that no matter how hard things become; all you gotta do is balance your needs and continue to fight. Nauthiz is also screaming ‘oi, damnit! Don’t give up here, you can survive and make it out the other side sparkling like brand new, you hear me??’”

You were very grateful to hear that. Now you realized that even the most ominous of runes also came with signs of fortune and peace.

In other words, they would be there to support you all the way. Thanking him for his great insight, he replies with a simple “Well, I’m the wise one you know? Anyway, you know the saying. Even the coldest of ice thaws someday.”

As you correctly link his adage to the runes, he claps with pride. “Nice, nice. Well, that’ll be all for my teaching. Soon you’ll be able to do readings with nine or more runes!”

But once you yell to him about how you want to use runes such as Kenaz (ᚲ) to fulfil your long-standing desire to set shit on fire; his expression hardens.

“I ain’t teaching you rune magic until you learn how to master rune divination. Don’t push your luck too far~ Come visit me again once you learn how to read the past, present and future with them!” As you indigently complain about how you still want to summon birch trees, and about how difficult it was to learn about the runes; he bursts into rancorous laughter. “That’s not my problem! C’mon, lay off a little...”

Frustrated, you finally give up, asking for one last request. “Caster. What rune will you get if you do a single reading? I would like to see.”

Begrudgingly adhering to your request, he unearths none other than the Ansuz (ᚨ) rune.

“Ah, my favorite. Well, that’s it for today. Let’s go back.” As he turns away, a frightening wind blows through the trees, as a dark shadow drifts over his figure.

In that very moment, he becomes a dark specter within a bountiful forest filled with brilliant light; as his form briefly flickers and shifts, melding into an entire kaleidoscope of distinct beings.

But all it took was a single blink for his form to return back to normal again.

How strange...Was that none other than an illusion? Were your eyes playing tricks with you? Silently trailing behind, you contemplated the meaning behind the rune he had drawn.

Ansuz...It commonly symbolized communication, breath, and chiefly of all...it was the rune that represented none other than Odin himself.

In addition to that, you saw how the rune landed on its side when Caster drew it, and the mysterious glint in his eyes.

Was Caster hiding something? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

‘Just who is Caster Cu really?’ Such a thought weighed dangerously heavy within your mind as the two of you took the steep path back home.

By learning more about the runes, you may have unlocked the door to an endless chasm of mysteries; one that had ties directly linking to the deeper truths lying behind Chaldea...

THE END

Omg this was only meant to be like 1,000 words. But I got extremely invested within this concept and was burning with great excitement, which lead to this becoming SUPER LONG XD Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this ;; Also dw learning runes in real life isn’t as hardcore as this, I promise you!

#fgo #fate series #caster cu #cu chulainn #sigurd #byrnhild #gilgablog #my writing #AAAAAH THIS TOOK 6 HRS IT WAS FUN VERY FUN BUT I ALSO WAS LOOKING AT ALL ME BOOKS ... but im like if dw wont do it then i will! so i did.

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hageny · 3 years

Text

Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman

1. Humor.

There’s something that happens early in the series that is perhaps passed over as being noteworthy, but is an interesting glance in to why Roman and Gerri get on so well later on. When Tom is asking Gerri in Sad Sack Wasp Trap how she got the information that he was planning to go public with the cruise line allegations, Gerri very sarcastically tells Tom that she is sleeping with his mother, who has blurted the information out in her sleep. On the surface this is just a clever quip to break the tension between them, but it’s an unusual response from someone as aloof and quiet as Gerri. The flippancy of this moment recalls much of what comes out of Roman’s mouth, his habit of using sexual innuendo to ratchet up the tension, his delight in making others uncomfortable; there’s an interesting parallel between this moment and the moment a few episodes later when Roman tells Ken that Lawrence likes him more because, “I look like a matador and everyone wants to fuck me.” Humor of a sexual nature is an interesting fallback for both Gerri and Roman.

2. Dirty work.

In the Dundee episode, when the children are scheming about how to get rid of Rhea and diffuse the hold she has over Logan, Roman says something intriguing that he delivers in such an off-hand, low key way that it almost is easy to overlook. He tells Shiv--who later tells Tom--to have Rhea mention Rose in her toast to Logan. Rose is Logan’s sister, and what her fate/relationship to him is is unknown to us at this time, but from his reaction and the general information we derive from his childhood, one can deduce it is not good. This moment highlights another bit of Roman’s brilliance. He pawns the task of mentioning Rose to Rhea--knowing she has no clue the importance of Rose, or that mentioning her at all is a terrible idea--to his sibling, who then passes the torch to her husband. This is brilliant because had Roman said something to Rhea himself, the information might’ve gotten back to Logan, so he wisely uses Shiv, whose husband is under her thumb most of the time, to do the dirty work for him, likely knowing that Tom won’t mention the idea was Roman’s, and if he does no one would pay any attention anyway. Though he tells Shiv this, when we see Roman with Rhea, he is just charming enough not to arouse her suspicions, and pliant enough to keep her guessing as to what he truly thinks. Is he truly as charmed by her as he pretends to be, or is he simply mimicking Gerri in doing this? It’s hard to say, but like the later scene with Laird, Roman exhibits a level of cunning that is important to take note of, his emotional intelligence once again at play and helping to keep his hands clean.

3. Wife and Mother.

A curiosity I’ve taken note of in reading some fanfiction is that many fans seem to believe--and then depict--the marriage between Baird and Gerri as fairly idealistic, and her role as a mother as distant--to varying degrees--but ultimately loving. My opinion is quite different. The basis for this is the scene above the night before Shiv’s wedding when Shiv asks her godmother for advice and Gerri simply replies, “Oh I don’t know, I was never very good at that. My husband died. Don’t let him die?” . Her response is so curiously cold and flippant, especially considering Baird has passed on, that I think it needs dissecting. This is only the second time Baird is ever mentioned, and her daughters are only brought up once, at the very end of Season 2. We don’t know exactly what role Baird might have played in Waystar or how important he was, and much of his character is shrouded in mystery, but Gerri’s reaction in the above scene perhaps provides a clue. The fact that the first thing that Gerri thinks to say is, “I was never very good at that” is very telling, and allows some insight into her ability to self-reflect and report honestly on her own shortcomings. Given that the relationship between Shiv and Gerri seems almost non-existent, it’s even more unusual that Gerri would think to be so bracingly honest when lying would have been more comfortable. Even Shiv, by no means the softest, most emotional person, seems taken aback by Gerri’s coldness. Does Gerri’s saying, “My husband died” just after that indicate that on some level she blames herself for his death, feels that maybe she was not present enough in her marriage and not there enough for him when he ultimately did pass? It’s possible. It’s worth noting also that she never makes an effort to speak warmly of him. She mentions that he’s dead twice, but that is all she says about him, as though the whole of his character is wrapped up in a dead corpse. Is her silence ultimately more telling, revealing a darker truth that existed and impacted her in her union, turning her into what she is? My belief is that their marriage was quite far from comfortable and ideal, and that, while Gerri loved her children, she was not maternal enough to provide for them in the capacity they needed, and that Karl’s remark about her boarding them in first class on the company plane could have been a way of assuaging her guilt over failing them. This also allows us another peek into her bond with Roman, who is part lover to her and part son, of sorts. He is young enough and clumsy enough to be influenced and to need guiding, but strong and sure enough to take hold of her when she needs it and make her feel wanted. Perhaps the best of Gerri’s character traits--her kindness, her thoughtfulness, her generosity--finally find their home in her relationship with him, allowed to flourish in ways they couldn’t before. While she manipulates not only Kendall but her own goddaughter, she extends to Roman a level of love she possibly failed to provide even her own family.

#gerri/roman #gerri x roman #gerri kellman #roman roy #succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #succession thoughts

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