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shelobussy · 3 years

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Ohmygod YES Susan Pevensie is awesome please talk to me about Susan i want to know everything you have to say

Literally THANK YOU for asking me this bc Susan Pevensie is a character I never get asked about and I have So Many Opinions.

I'm going to start by saying that Susan used to be my least favorite character in the series. This goes for the books and the movies. Some of it was for personal reasons--she reminds me of a couple of annoying ppl I know irl--but it was also bc I watched Prince Caspian which shoehorned her into a relationship with Caspian which I hated.

HOWEVER. I ended up rethinking this position after interacting with Susan fans and realizing that there are so many wonderful things to love about her!

(putting under the cut bc this got long)

Things Ash Loves About Susan Pevensie

Aight I'm not going to do a formal analysis yet on her, but instead rant about some of the unrelated things I adore about Susan Pevensie.

Susan the Archer

Look we all love archery here. I don't have anything more to say.

Okay, I actually do have more to say. I love the fact that Susan is a complete badass with the bow. You get the general impression that she's one of the royals in charge of public relations, traditions, foreign policy, etc. and yet she's the most competent archer in the series. One of the few things I liked about the movies is how they didn't downplay this. They actually let her be a badass and show off her skills.

Also the part where she kicks Trumpkin's ass was awesome.

Susan the Gentle

Susan being the most passive Pevensie was something I definitely underappreciated as a teenager. I think my non-ability to see past "I'm not like other girls" narrative and the combination of Susan being described as the most traditionally feminine woman in the Narnia series is what initially turned me off from her.

HOWEVER, now it's one of my favorite attributes! I love that Susan is a badass and the most beautiful woman in Narnia. She has hair down to her feet, every man and woman in the kingdom want to fuck her, and she's still a fucking badass who will not hesitate to kick your ass.

Susan the Sister

Most of my thoughts of Susan as an older sister mostly stem from my own personal headcanons, but she is an awesome sister to her siblings. She's Peter's voice of reason, Edmund's sass partner, and Lucy's big sister.

Susan the Mom-Friend

She is a literal mother-figure for Corin.

"[...] the most beautiful lady he had ever seen rose from her place and threw her arms round him and kissed him, saying: "Oh Corin, Corin, how could you? And thou and I such close friends ever since thy mother died. [...]"

-The Horse and His Boy, 33-34

Most everything I have to say about this ventures into headcanon territory, but I love the idea of Susan basically adopting Corin after his mom dies. The way she trusts Cor--who she thinks is Corin in this chapter--is really sweet and I wish we could've seen more of that relationship.

Susan the Flawed

Something I notice from the fandom is a lot of people who hate Susan tend to because of her flaws. On the other hand, most Susan stans like to wave away these flaws and blame C.S. Lewis for being misogynistic or Aslan for being a "cruel god" and ignore the fact that she is a deeply flawed person.

Susan gets something of a "reverse redemption arc" in The Chronicles of Narnia. This makes her not only a fascinating foil to Edmund--as both are analytical, logical people--but an interesting character by herself.

She starts out in TWW as very skeptical of Narnia and it's whole deal and also very condescending to Lucy throughout. She ultimately does admit that Lucy was right and does get on board with the whole prophecy at the same time Peter does, and ends the book being crowned "the Gentle Queen."

In The Horse and His Boy, she has a very interesting dynamic with Edmund and in even more interesting relationship with Rabadash. They don't even interact on-page with each other, but it's highly implied that she was interested in him when he was a guest in Narnia. His behavior obviously changed when she visited him in Tashbaan, but you have to wonder what their dynamic was like before for her to travel all the way to his home when relations between the countries were strained at best.

Prince Caspian is where the cracks start showing through. Susan has lived an entire life as an adult in Narnia, gets thrown back to England with her siblings, and is yet again in Narnia as a child. This book is what really emphasizes her one fatal flaw: convenience.

(Put a pin in that thought, I'll get back to it.)

Susan denies once again that Lucy saw something that the rest of them can't seen. She continues this narrative until every other sibling finally acknowledges Lucy in the right and only then does she apologize.

The last mention of Susan is in The Last Battle, where all of her flaws rise up against her in the worst way possible. I have a lot of controversial opinions on this that I'm going to address later, but I just want to say that Susan's reverse-redemption arc is something I actually like about her.

(There is also evidence that Susan does get a full redemption arc, just as Edmund and Eustace did, but C.S. Lewis was pretty much done with The Chronicles of Narnia at the point and instead encouraged fans to write their own version of how that went down.)

Okay, back to convenience being Susan's fatal flaw. So the one thing that comes up time and time again in the series is that Susan is very focused on material comforts. I believe it's implied that she's vain, and it's canonical that her own personal comfort spurs her to make decisions.

"[...] I really believed it was him — he, I mean — yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and — and — oh, I don't know [...]"

Prince Caspian, 81

Prince Caspian has the strongest examples of Susan doing this, but certainly there's evidence elsewhere. There are a lot of fans who are distressed by this, claiming that Aslan and the others are too hard on her and shouldn't judge.

Honestly, I like that she's written with this flaw. Not only is it very relatable--(my own personal comfort and convenience is something I highly prioritize too)--but it humanizes a character who otherwise is ridiculously op and basically the Helen of Troy of the series. It may sound like I'm using this as an excuse to rant, but I really wouldn't have her any other way.

Susan As Portrayed by Anna Popplewell

Movie!Susan is a fucking delight.

She's sarcastic and badass and awesome and I could spend hours heaping praise on Anna's acting and her portrayal of Susan, but I can already tell that this post is going to be long so, I'll just stop here.

(10/10 want to be stabbed by her tho.)

Personal Headcanons

Let's talk about my fanon thoughts. I have many.

Susan is Aro

There's canonical evidence for this! Susan is a character who is heavily pursued by suitors everywhere, and even lets herself be courted by many of them, but chooses not to settle down. Even when she gets back to England and is described as only having interest in parties and material things, boys aren't mentioned.

I like to think that in The Horse in His Boy Susan was interested in Rabadash at first because he was a brilliant conversationalist. Nothing she says about him implies romantic interest, before and after she realizes the truth of his intentions.

Susan and Edmund Were Best Friends

This might be my love for The Horse and His Boy showing itself, but I think Susan and Edmund were thrown into circumstances where they interacted the most with each other.

Edmund is the ruler in charge of politics. Susan is the ruler in charge of Cair Paravel's public image. I imagine they spent time as ambassadors to other countries and planning royal functions.

They're also the most level-headed and logical out of their siblings, so they probably found a lot in common.

Susan Fancast

I literally just said I loved Anna's potrayal of Susan's (and I love what they gave us of older Susan too in LWW!), but I read the books in 2008 and my parents didn't let me see the movies bc I was like...nine years old and they thought it would be too scary.

So I had to headcanon my own interpretations.

Queen Susan the Gentle:

For some reason Merlin wasn't too scary for me to watch and I fell in love with Katie McGrath in like. Two episodes so. (On an unrelated note, I also fancast Bradley James as Peter at the time.)

Anyway, fanon Susan is basically Morgana Pendragon pre-evil arc. Sassy as hell, hot as fuck, and can kick your ass.

Unpopular Opinions

Yeah, feel free to skip this part if having controversial fandom opinions is a deal breaker for you.

The Problem With Susan Isn't Actually A Problem

I'm about to start so much discourse in the Narnia fandom, but C.S. Lewis's choices with her in The Last Battle weren't misogynistic. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that all of his writing choices in the series were A++ or excusing away certain racist/sexiest bits, but it's honestly baffling to me that people are so up in arms over Susan's exclusion in the final book.

So the part that everyone loses their shit over is as follows:

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

The Last Battle, 83-84

There's a lot to unpack here and I first want to say that everyone's opinion on this part, no matter how different than mine, is valid. I'm going to be quoting some other ppl's opinions on here and by no means am I bashing them. I just want to address my feelings on the matter and the best way to do that is to cite the thoughts of ppl who have opposing ideas.

Here are some arguments on Tumblr I've heard regarding "The Problem of Susan":

"How about we talk about what might have happened if Narnia hadn't deserted Susan? [...] What if we didn't tell Susan she had to go grow up in her own world and then shame and punish her for doing just that? She was told to walk away and she went. She did not try to stay a child all her life, wishing for something she had been told she couldn't have again."

"Narnia is filled with metaphors (often not very subtle ones) that are supposed to teach us how to be, and the most glaring one for any young girl to absorb is that it's okay to be a girl like Lucy, unthreatening and cheerful and valiant and faithful, but to be a girl like Susan gets you punished - in fact, you aren't just punished, you're destroyed."

"why do we call it ‘the problem’ where’s the problem about a young woman dealing with her trauma and choosing her own path, actively making the choice to keep living and to stay and to carve a life out in England when her siblings couldn’t? what is the problem about susan forgetting to somehow cope with what she’s experienced? why is it ‘the problem of susan’ that she recontextualised her faith?"

And then there's JK Rowling who said this:

There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that.

It's weird how I'm still finding new ways to hate JKR in the year 2021. Again, there is absolutely zero implication that Susan had sex when she came back to England. ZERO. Did she actually read the books? IDK. If someone shares this opinion pls reply with actual canonical evidence.

Back on topic, I'm a firm believer of death of the author and interpreting art via your own experiences. Which is why I'm also going to share my own interpretation by saying y'all are wrong.

Susan Pevensie was not abandoned by Narnia. She was not barred from Narnia because she is traditionally feminine or because she "owned her sexuality" (another opinion I didn't have time to condense down for this post) or because she recontextualized her faith or even because she deserved to be punished.

I also fail to see how Susan recontexualized her faith, as the entire point of it all is that she has none. Bringing this back to Susan's fatal flaw (personal convenience/material comforts), her prioritizing herself over her own faith is the reason she is "no longer a friend of Narnia." Not...whatever fanon y'all are imposing on her character.

Susan is not being punished for liking lipstick and looking pretty. Susan's not even being punished. Y'all read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan and forgot it wasn't canon.

There are many reasons Susan is not in Aslan's Country (one of them being that she's not actually dead yet), but the main one has to do with this:

"[...] But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 215-216

Yeah, okay that's why Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia. The implication when the Pevensies are told that they can no longer enter Narnia is that they are to find Aslan in other places. Susan doesn't do this, instead choosing to focus her life on material things. It isn't the lipstick, it's that she only wants the lipstick.

Susan Had Sex In The Books

Oh and not in the context y'all are thinking. (Again, there are no implications that Susan was barred from Narnia for having sex or that she had sex when she came back to England.)

So there's actual canonical evidence that Susan and Rabadash had a sexual relationship. Sort of.

"What think you? We have been in this city fully three weeks. Have you yet settled in your mind whether you will marry this dark-faced lover of yours, this Prince Rabadash, or no?"

-The Horse and His Boy, 35

Edmund calls Rabadash her lover. Not her suitor. I don't know if the word had a different meaning in 1954, but it feels like C.S. Lewis is saying that they're fucking. I'm not really happy with the idea of Susan sleeping with an abuser, but really proud of her for Getting Some as a woman born in a time period where having premarital sex was a big no-no.

This also invalidates the weird opinion going on that Susan was barred from Narnia because she had sex.

Suspian Is The Worst

I haven't really talked about Movie!Susan much, but as long as we're talking unpopular opinions, it's worth noting that I hate Suspian. Some of it is the "Susan is Aro" headcanon screaming inside of me, but it's also the fact that it's written poorly, does nothing interesting for either character and generally comes across as awkward.

I feel like they were trying to make Prince Caspian sexy and relevant to teens. It came across as super heteronormative and unnecessary.

It also gets really really weird bc the next movie then gives Caspian and Edmund mad chemistry and we're all just like........ok.

Final Thoughts

Susan may not be my favorite character in the series, but she's grown on me over the years. I have many issues with fanon interpretations of her--which definately fueled some of my disdain for her initally--and I don't identify as a Susan Apologist.

I do however adore Susan and have many headcanons for her not mentioned here. I love reading fanfic, writing fanfic and meta, and generally having conversations about her and would love to talk more about it.

I welcome criticism (CONSTRUCTIVE) and conversation on all of my opinions and observations. Please drop into my inbox. <3

#susan pevensie #the chronicles of narnia #the problem of susan #narnia #meta #narnia meta #susan meta #ash does fandom #ash does meta

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cloud9in · 3 years

Text

The Half of It

A Mc x Poppy fic inspired by the film

Summary: Bea, the town’s outcast is recruited by the school jock to win Poppy’s heart. But what happens when she starts falling for her as well?

Author’s Note: So this will be a multiple part series that includes scenes heavily inspired from the movie “The Half of It”. I certainly recommend watching it. My version will have different twists and a different ending, and definitely more angst. It will include mature themes as the story progresses.

Warnings for this chapter: Swearing. This is a good thing for now.

Chapter 1-

“Love is simply the name for desire and pursuit of the whole.”

- Plato, The Symposium

It is said that when one half finds its other, there’s an unspoken understanding. A unity. And each would know no greater joy....than this.

...Except this is highschool. And in my opinion, there is no other half. Maybe the other half is a paper on Greek God philosophy due at midnight. But make that four papers, including mine.

My name is Bea Hughes and let’s just say...this is not a very happy story. Well maybe some parts are, but you’ll have to read to find out. I come from a small town called Farmsville, and when I mean small, I mean really small. Except the highschool seems fucking huge, with never ending hallways and when you do somehow find the end, there’s usually two inbreds eating each others mouths off. Lucky for me I am the epitome of antisocial, reserved, an introvert, or whatever the inferior beings, aka every other senior, calls me when they think I can’t hear. But I hear everything, including that one time Bradley Denbrough, upcoming hotshot actor, or so he claims, found out about a crush a poor unsuspecting freshman had on him. Everybody knew what Bradley and his goons did to that boy, even the adults, but no charges were pressed. This town is as conservative as it gets, but no one knows of my secret. I carry this school on my back when it comes to having everyone graduate, but that’s all I am to them, a pawn. And that’s all I wanted to be, nothing more and nothing less. I preferred to be in the shadows.

***

...Except the mandatory Senior Talent Show forced Bea out of her hibernation hole. The thought haunted her as she sat in the dance studio, the last fucking place she wanted to be. Dance was so not a Bea kinda thing, but the blonde knew exactly why she granted herself the misery of picking the class. Poppy Min Sinclair, the golden girl of Farmsville High, the preacher’s daughter on a more serious note. She is...the most fascinating girl Bea ever laid her eyes on even if her boyfriend was a complete asshole who sermonized his duties as her future husband. Like seriously? Poppy has got to have some screws loose to date such a fake loser who plagiarizes all of his speeches at sunday church, and once literally begged Bea to write an apology letter to his father for him after completely upending their summer cabin. Except the blonde wrote the opposite of an apology, it went something like this…

Dear beloved donkey, I mean dad,

I am terribly sorry for inviting 20 hookers to the summer cabin. I have these strange impulses and you should at least be grateful I didn’t invite the big boss as well. His wife came though, in many, many ways. You should get the carpet changed.

Sincerely, your STD free son

It was safe to say that Mr. Denbrough had a near heart attack after reading it, and Bea did kinda feel bad, kinda. He never mentioned the letter to Bradley though, instead silently calling up the owner of Teopoli Catholic Summer Camp and essentially deporting the boy to Canada for the summer. No son of his would end up in hell was what the old man preached everyday from then on. It was the quietest summer Bea had ever experienced.

Being the towns outcast, Bea could have her fun when she so chooses to, but that didn’t pay the bills. In fact, the multiple essays that people paid her to write was her way of surviving and taking care of her mother. They weren’t very rich but Bea worked with what she had, helping her mother manage the farm, which included getting on her knees and wrestling the pigs. And that’s how she was gifted the name “pig girl”, stupid Bradley and his fake friends just had to wander too far and catch Bea in the act. She swore a remixed video of her hog calling surfaced the web at one point and that gave the blonde her five minutes of fame. Boy was it an awful time in her life.

Bea worked her mother’s previous job as station master or signalman for the trains that passed through, even if it barely paid her shit. The secluded feeling of sitting in that booth and having a moment with her thoughts was enough to give her purpose. Bea was fond of poetry and it usually helped her come up with song lyrics.

Song lyrics…

That she would have to sing at the talent show. A huge sigh escaped her lips as she slumped further into the ground, maybe hoping she could bury herself six feet under. It wasn’t that Bea hated singing, no she absolutely loved it. Playing her guitar at night and belting out lyrics that only resulted in her mother banging on the ceiling below in efforts to shut the blonde up. But the mere fact that she’d have to sing in front of the ruthless seniors rubbed her the wrong way. Something would go wrong, it always did. Bea was shaken out of her thoughts when Poppy crossed the center of the room, moving her hips slowly to the sound of Rihanna’s voice. The class chose a slow r&b song to choreograph today and of course all eyes were on Poppy.

If i’m your girl say my name boy

let me know i'm in control

Her silky blonde locks swayed as she danced to the beat, hands thrusting sensually along her sides. Bea stared in awe, almost like Poppy was the only one in the room and a spotlight illuminated every movement, every curve. Except she definitely wasn’t the only one picturing Poppy in that way. Carter, the school quarterback leaned against the railing, arms crossed and eyes trailing the rise and fall of her chest.

Got me wondering, I’m wondering if i'm on your mind

Bea sat up straighter but nearly lost her bodily functions when Poppy locked eyes with her before spinning away. It was simple eye contact Bea, don’t let it get to your head. You already have multiple lyrics inspired by Poppy offering the bare minimum in human interaction. She doesn’t actually like you. Poppy is popular and has the perfect life...and boyfriend, even if Bea heavily disagrees. Poppy was a bitch of course, but not a bitch bitch. Unlike the other wannabe mean girls, the blonde didn’t give Bea hell, well that was because the girl paid her zero attention. She seemed distant, off in her own world, or well in her parents world learning the strategies of business. Poppy was expected to follow in her parents footsteps and keep up with her reputation of being the richest in town, and of course a faithful future wife. So fun. But the blonde had other prosperous dreams of travelling and following her passion of music and dance. Highschool was her only outlet and she took advantage of it any chance she’d get. Bea knew this because she would ride her bike every friday night to the school and watch Poppy dance from outside the glass window. Maybe Bea realized it was kinda creepy, but she’s dumb enough to not realize her obvious growing attraction. I mean who pedals miles just to watch someone trip on their feet?

***

The sound of the bell caught everyone's attention and the teacher slowly lowered the music. Bea watched as Bradley approached Poppy and smothered her with kisses and praises. She rolled her eyes painfully, this kind of PDA definitely wasn’t it, she could have gone her whole life without seeing that. She walked silently through the crowd of kids in the hall, everyone was laughing and talking to their friends. All Bea could allow her mind to focus on was the very intimidating billboard of names a few feet across from her.

Winter Talent Show Sign-Ups (Mandatory For Seniors)

Bea glared at it quietly before signing her name on the sheet, sealing her inevitable fate. Through the hustle of students, Carter watched the blonde with a yearning look from afar. This should be great…

The next few classes were a blur and Bea eventually found herself getting up to hand Ms. Kingsley her paper. The older woman looked at her with a knowing glance as she took a generous sip of her coffee, which was 75% tequila.

“6 different interpretations on Plato? Colour me impressed Miss Hughes.”

Bea shrugs nonchalant, “yeah well would you rather read their actual essays?”

“Oh hell no.” Kingsley feigns shock as she looks at the stack of papers with a comical expression. She takes another sip, watching her younger, prodigy of a student carefully. “You know there are places outside of this godforsaken town where you can put your talents to use... Real use. I teach at Belvoire University occasionally.” Ina winks and slides Bea an application, studying her initial reaction. “It’s...in New York.”

“Damn right! The Big Apple.”

“Kingsley you know I have to stay here. It’ll be easier for me to manage the farm and be close to home”, Bea says confidently even though her body language displays otherwise. She predicted the big sigh filling her ears before it actually happened and it still managed to faze her. “Who ever said you had to do anything? What about what you want to do?” Bea doesn’t make eye contact with Ina, that woman could convince you to do just about anything with a certain look. “No we are not doing this. You can take your reverse psychology and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m outta here.” The blonde stomps out of the classroom, the sound of Ina’s chuckles still ringing in her ears.

“Hey! Everyone in this town fears God, but you know what God fears? My ability to hide a bottle of Don Julio in my left boot.” Ina pulls out the newly bought bottle and cradles it. “Come to mama.”

***

Bea rode her bike alongside the dirt road, Kingsley’s words on replay the entire ride. Maybe she did deserve to experience something more than what this town had to offer. But would her mother manage without her? Sacrifices, sacrifices. Bea was used to making those for her mother after her father’s death. What would her dad think of all of this?

“Hey!”

He’d surely smack Bea upside the head for the little antics she pulled occasionally. And then he’d buy her vanilla coconut ice cream and ask for every single detail of what happened as they sat and laughed together. That’s the kind of relationship Bea would have had with her father, she liked to assume so. She also liked to assume that she’d get home safely everyday without a scratch, but then there’s Carter.

“Hey wait up!”

The jock seemed to be running ridiculously fast and crashed right into the rear end of Bea’s bicycle, sending her face first into a mount of dirt. The initial impact was enough to boost the blonde straight back up like nothing happened and into a fighting stance, fists out and eyes wild. Very scary Bea. When she realized it was him...well it only pissed her off even more. “What the fuck Carter! You asshole!”

“I’m sorry Bea! Here let me help-”

“No! Move away! You- my bike- I…” Bea groans frustratingly, stepping away from the wreck as she tries to catch her breath. Carter watches her sheepishly, rubbing an envelope between his fingers awkwardly. After a few minutes of painfully uneasy silence he speaks up, “Okay...I didn’t want to ask you this way but I was wonder-”

“Oh, so you practically break my ass and now you want me to do you a favour? Real nice way of communication you have there Mr. Quarterback. What is with you and those freakishly large muscles anyways? Maybe it’s my fault I didn’t hear your avalanche built ass coming from behind.”

“Hey! They are not freakishly large!”

“I hate to break it to you Jackson but mine are significantly more appealing to look at.” Bea smirks widely, flexing her arm as best as she could. It’s a work in progress… just bare with her.

It didn’t take much effort for Carter to break out into a smile and look at her fondly. Maybe there was more to this girl than just being a human dictionary. Well that’s what people called her, and he maybe believed it at first.

Bea noticed the lack of response and shifted awkwardly, clearing her throat. “Listen, its $10 for three pages, $20 for three to ten, I'm not in the over-ten-page biz.”

“No..no I’m not here to cheat!” Carter blurts out. “But I’ll let you know if I do plan on- anyways. I uh..” He hesitates before handing her the envelope. “What’s this?

“Well you see it’s a letter..”

“Yeah but who writes letters these days?”

“I thought it seemed romantic..”

“And I thought women writing Jeffrey Dahmer letters in jail seemed romantic”, Bea says sarcastically, her smile dropping instantly after catching a glimpse of Poppy’s name at the top of the paper. It was like the blood stopped flowing through her body for a few seconds as her mouth went dry. This had to be the work of the so-called God everyone praised in this town, or it was one cruel coincidence. Bea wasn’t sure why seeing her name made her heart beat ten times harder, but it also wasn’t a necessarily uncomfortable feeling…

“I- I can’t help you.”

“But if you just add a few more words-”

“I’m not writing a letter to Poppy Min Sincla- to..to some girl for you. Letters are supposed to be authentic, from the heart, your own words, your...feelings.” Bea hurriedly turns to grab her bike, suddenly losing all interest in being social.

Carter was afraid this would happen. But he was stubborn. “But I can pay more for authentic!”

Too bad Bea was stubborn as well. “Just get a thesaurus...Good luck, Romeo.”

***

Bea sat in her room, strumming away softly at the strings of her guitar. Some of the keys were off but the old thing still worked, and that was good enough for her. She could hear the tv blasting downstairs, her mother most likely watching the news. There’s something about old people and news, were they secretly ogling the news anchors? Just like Bea ogled Poppy any chance she could. The blonde frowned to herself, her eyebrows crunching together in question. What so hard about writing a letter to Poppy? It’s not like it's coming from her. Well it technically is, but Carter is taking the credit and Bea never had a problem with people taking credit for her words. So why did this very thought prove to be such an inconvenience? Lucky for Bea, her mind drifted elsewhere when she heard a painful snap. Even if it wasn’t physically connected to her body, she felt a horrible ache. Slowly peering down at the guitar in her hand, Bea found that the neck of the guitar had miraculously split almost clean off, a splinter of wood just holding it intact. She wanted to scream but nothing really came out, except air of course. Much to her disapproval, this was definitely a result of her strength. Stupid muscles couldn’t contain themselves at the thought of Carter being with Poppy. Now how could that be?

But now she had no guitar. And no guitar means no strings to strum, and no lyrics to sing, and no talent to show at the talent show. Now she was in trouble. Probably because she knew that the only way to get the money to replace the guitar would be through sealing the deal with Carter. Oh fuck it!

***

“One letter. And enough money to buy a new guitar.”

“Deal!”

Bea turns away with a sigh, completely ignoring Carter’s high five. Now all she had to do was write this letter, and pray that Poppy wouldn’t completely consume every fiber of her being in the process.

-------------------------------------------

End note: So how we feelin’? Carter and Bea Brotp??

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @zigxryanz @uselesslesbianfr @aleiramacaii @thedaft1 @alexlabhont @iamsimpforpoppy

#queen b #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #mc x poppy #playchoices #I couldn't come up with a unique title #throw some ideas if you have #do share your opinion on this #it is valued #oblivious bea is a pain in the ass #but certainly fun to write

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Couldn't the thing with Jason thinking Dick is infallible from Truth and Justice story come from how he is compared to his brother from Bruce. Even when he was Robin with Dick and Bruce fighting, he was told that Dick was better by Bruce. Then he comes back and is a cautionary tale of what not to and how not to be while Dick and Bruce are now getting along.

I mean yeah, you could go with that take, but I’m always gonna argue that even that is more fanon based than anything else, at least before this issue. We’ve seen a lot of that take in the past already, but truth is, there really isn’t that much basis in older stories for Bruce comparing Jason to Dick. And like I’ve expanded on in the past, younger Jason looked UP to Dick, he certainly didn’t resent him.

With this being true even when he first came back - Dick was the only one he didn’t target at ALL during Under the Red Hood, and when he did finally meet up with Dick a year later, during the Brothers in Blood arc, it was more to fuck with him than any attempt to take things out on him. Like, that arc gets a lot of shit and deservedly so, but I really do wish more people would at least takeaway from it the fact that in it, JASON referenced still thinking of Dick as family. Which just doesn’t mesh up with all the ‘they barely knew each other/they resented each other’ takes.

Pretty much all the times I can think of when Jason was compared to Dick pre ADITF, it was actually not at all what its usually represented as by most fandom takes, such as the time Jason teamed up with the Titans. For pretty much Jason’s entire tenure as Robin up until the Felipe Garzonas arc, Jason was actually portrayed as perfectly secure in his position of Robin and wasn’t threatened by anyone else’s perception of him at all. Even the arc where he loses it on Two-Face has been kinda amplified to make more of it than it was, like.....Bruce was worried about the anger he expressed there, but that was more out of concern FOR Jason and it wasn’t the “Jason was on the verge of getting fired as Robin all along” kinda narrative we tend to see referenced.

Jason was only made out to be the angry Robin or the less competent Robin or whatever AFTER his death, which is all kinds of shitty, but like......there’s no real basis for any kind of extended history where Jason resentfully suffered under his big brother’s shadow while Robin. The angry/less competent Robin stuff was all DC retroactively railroading him after the fact to justify their choice to kill him off (which was still their choice no matter the existence of a poll), and its the narrative most people have run with because it amplifies Jason’s existence as the misunderstood and unfairly judged underdog of the family.

Now to be 100% clear, as I’ve said in the past.....there is absolutely no reason you CAN’T go with this take if you don’t want to. Nobody has to abide by canon, or a particular canon and I’ll never argue otherwise. My main point has always just been that the thing about fanfic is that its a transformative process, it enables fans to take canon and transform it into something else.....but here’s the thing....those transformations ALWAYS happen with INTENT. People are deliberate in how and in what ways they transform canon, even if they’re not always CONSCIOUS of that deliberation.....it still exists. None of these transformations just happen, they happen for a reason. Because fans want an end result that’s different from what we saw in canon.

So my thing is always just.....yes, transform canon as you like, for whatever reason. But don’t pretend that those reasons don’t exist, and understand that when people look at a canon to fanon transformation that really only results in one major difference.......they’re gonna assume that this difference, achieving this difference, was for whatever reason, the POINT of the transformation.

And here’s where I also want to express something else: my take has never been that most of fandom just hates Dick Grayson. That they’re consciously, deliberately out to smear him or make him look bad. I think there’s a lot of elements in play with how I perceive fandom’s interactions with him compared to other characters, but more often than not, I think one of the bigger issues with how his character is TRANSFORMED from canon to fanon, is just.......he’s collateral damage. I don’t think in most cases the point is even to make actual transformations of his character or characterization......its to apply these things to people he’s in scene WITH......and he just ends up transformed as well, by proximity.

Take a look at some examples:

1) Dick firing Tim

Except as we’ve gone over multiple times, Dick didn’t actually FIRE Tim. He didn’t neglect him, he didn’t turn his back on him, he could have handled that situation differently, sure, but he had none of the ill intent people assign to him when they typically ramp up how bad this period was for Tim. Dick actually called him his equal, begged him to stay, said he was too GOOD to be Dick’s junior partner........but this is not at all how this moment in canon is generally viewed by a lot of fandom. He comes off looking a TON worse, like he just chose Damian over Tim and discarded Tim first chance he got, he didn’t care how Tim was affected, he kicked Tim out of the manor and out of Gotham.

But the thing is.....I’d argue that none of this TRANSFORMATION from canon really had anything to do with Dick. I don’t actually think that tons of fans were just waiting in the wings for the perfect opportunity to make a villain out of Dick and just seized upon this moment as the perfect opportunity. I think it was just all about Tim. It was about accentuating his misery, his aloneness, heightening the whump factor of his character and amplifying the feelings of insecurity, rejection and alienation he was feeling and that people related to.

What happened to Dick’s character in most peoples’ eyes as a result of this transformation, was the symptom, not the point. It was the collateral damage, not the aim.

2) Bruce firing Dick

In contrast, we have more than one canon interpretation of Bruce firing Dick as Robin, with this leading directly into Dick leaving the manor at a fairly young age, keeping his distance from Bruce until he finds out about Jason, Bruce giving Robin to Jason without acknowledging or apologizing for the fact that he was giving away the identity that someone else had crafted and poured their heart and soul into, not him.......but this isn’t how a lot of fandom outside of Dick stans and people who are specifically predisposed towards Bad Dad Bruce like to treat that part of canon.

Here, the transformation is the reverse from what happened with Tim and Dick. Here, the feelings of rejection and alienation and insecurity Dick realistically would have felt during that time are overlooked and even outright invalidated by TRANSFORMING the canon so that actually, this period of extended estrangement is completely disconnected from any version of events where Bruce fired Dick, which he did not do here. And in fact, Dick gave up Robin, he and Bruce had a falling out, and this was mutual and two-sided and thus Dick’s refusal to come home earlier and reconcile with Bruce was not actually him standing up for himself and refusing to settle for being taken for granted and dismissed when convenient but rather just Dick being immature, stubborn and a little spoiled.

But again.....I don’t think that’s the aim so much as a byproduct of the intended end result. Once more, I think that had very little to do with Dick himself, wasn’t about making him look bad specifically....but rather, it was about making Bruce look better. It was transforming the thing he had done in canon which was so hard to defend, ie ignore all of Dick’s feelings on the matter much in the way people accuse Dick of ignoring Tim’s later, and passively rejecting him and refusing to be the first to reach out unlike Dick who actively sought after Tim when he left. Those moments in canon definitively make Bruce look pretty bad, and are hard to reconcile with Good Parent Bruce Wayne, so that is what people are trying to transform. Once again, the way it makes Dick look in contrast is just a symptom.

The further examples are honestly pretty endless.

The aftermath of Forever Evil and Spyral is ignored, transforming Dick into the true villain of that period not because people just want an excuse to hate him, but because they don’t want to or can’t reconcile what Bruce actually did in order to get Dick to act so out of character, or they want to justify Jason and Tim and others’ anger at Dick later rather than have them appear to be inconsiderate assholes just piling on a guy who just had the worst year of his life to date.

The instances of Bruce outright abusing Dick after Jason’s death and at other times like Night of the Owls are ignored, transforming Dick into an impetuous, overly aggressive asshole who isn’t reacting to Bruce’s initial aggression, but rather just popping off the handle because he isn’t being received or treated just the way he likes.

Dick reaching out to Jason and making an offer to be there for him as Robin and later times they interact in Titans as well as any actual bond they build, even if mostly just hinted at off the page....all ignored in favor of transforming Dick into this bitter, jealous jerk who can’t see past his own feelings long enough to realize he’s taking things out on an innocent kid who doesn’t deserve this, even though that’s exactly what he realized and motivated his actual actions towards Jason in canon. And again, its not so much about making Dick worse, its about overlooking the WHYS of Dick’s hurt, turning the focus from what was done to him that justifies him being upset in the first place, to some greater mistreatment he enacts on Jason and thus drowns out any sympathy that people might otherwise have for Dick.

Dick’s periods of brainwashing like under the Church of Blood being overwritten or ignored in order to transform his deliberately out of character attitudes towards his friends and teammates there into just normal outbursts that were part of his characterization rather than signs that something was abnormally wrong with him. Thus turning everyone else’s treatment of him during that time period into again just their part of a two-way street and nothing they had to feel bad about rather than acknowledge that he’d literally not been in full control of himself while they had no such excuse for their behavior.

To be clear.....this kind of thing is NOT limited to just Dick. It tends to happen any time people want to transform a canon event into something more one-sided, to accentuate a particular character’s position as the victim or the misunderstood or neglected party.....or to turn a one-way street into a mutual antagonism, to lessen a particular character’s culpability in some argument or feud. You can absolutely find examples of this same effect applying to every other character in the Batfam as well.

But the reason it happens so often with Dick, and thus every instance of it happening tends to be amplified by the sheer volume of similar situations......is because of convenience. Because ironically, the reason Dick so often looks so bad in fanon’s eyes when it comes to his treatment of his family....is BECAUSE of how Dick is so much more integrated into every one of his family’s lives (and his friends’) than pretty much any other character. He’s the collateral damage to other characters being deliberately transformed in some way purely because he’s the one who almost always is THERE to some degree. Because there’s no one else in the scene that’s being transformed.

And so to bring it all back to your question......I think you absolutely can go with that take. There’s an argument to be made for it, especially now given that this canon issue has actually established a precedent for Jason feeling that way rather than fanon just running with the idea because it makes Jason more maligned. Its still not something that’s ever going to interest me though, even if I can see the reasoning for it, because its not just the fact that this particular dynamic between Dick and Jason has played out thousands of times before in fic, as I said yesterday. Its also because like I laid out here......my bigger issue is that take has absolutely NOTHING to do with Dick himself, says nothing about his character, but his character is inevitably the one who will suffer fallout from that particular take. That dynamic, as you described it, makes sense.....but its entirely, 100% on Bruce or others for raising those comparisons, not because of anything Dick did to Jason himself.....and thus it makes Jason’s dynamic towards Dick MORE a product of other peoples’ reactions and attitudes towards him and his brother respectively.

And that dynamic IS perfectly understandable and valid. But even if its slightly different this time because of more of a canon basis, it still for me falls into the same pattern of Dick being collateral damage to something that’s largely focused on another character entirely, with him and how he’s impacted by extension being kinda an afterthought.

*Shrugs* And that’s just......a story I’ve read so many many times before, I’m just never gonna be all that engaged by it.

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project-rosewood-476 · 3 years

Text

Every Rose Has It's Thorns Chapter 3

After a long ass time, ERHIT Chapter 3 is finally out! Tabby is about to commit her first direct kill, and the boys will finally see a brief glimpse of Tabby and who she really is. The Pocket, interpretations of the creeps, and some of the ideas belong to @creepypasta-shtick. Please go check out their blog! They're awesome!

Maplehood Creek and Tabby Anderson belong to me.

TW: homicide, violence, blood, and gore

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT.

otherwise, enjoy~

Toby had gone to bed to get an uneasy sleep after the confrontation with Hoodie. He woke up feeling distinctly unrested. Tabby was still out cold, but she was back to being curled up in her natural protective sleeping position, back to cuddling with Toby's hoody. She had a nice black bruise formed on her left temple when she fell and hit her head when she collapsed. Toby took some time getting ready. He was tired, but coffee made his tics worse, so he woke himself up by taking a cold shower. But he could only waste so much time before they had to go. Toby had a simple, small breakfast, then went to go wake up Tabby.

When you walk into Tabby's room, you just see this small curled-up figure under the teal covers nuzzling the hoody. On the nightstand, you could see two pictures. One is of her family. You could see a short and stout woman who looks like a more tired, older version of Tabby with her arms behind her back and a small, sad smile. A tall, built man with his arms crossed and looking sternly into the camera, which was her stepdad. A boy in his late teens who looked like a more boyish version of her stepfather. He had a mischievous smirk as he looked down at a slightly younger version of Tabby in a headlock, looking like he was about ready to pour the container of gasoline that he was holding over her head. Tabby herself looked like she was fighting to get out of the headlock, keeping one leg down and the other leg slightly up for balance. The blonde little boy that was a thick boy with a hint of baby fat on him had a mischievous grin as his innocent blue eyes screamed for adventure. He was holding onto her slightly elevated leg. The second picture was a school picture with a somewhat younger version of Tabby and co. It was 15 kids all together striking funny dumb poses in their Rosewood school uniforms with Tabby and a taller ginger girl front and center. Tabby was loosely hanging off of her, making a funny face as she was genuinely smiling, And the ginger girl wrapping her arms around Tabby's torso to support her, suggesting that Tabby and this ginger girl were close at one point in time. Other than that, it was immaculate and practically empty.

Tabby was snoring softly, as she often does when she's in a deep sleep. Toby gently reached over to her and tried shaking her.

"Tabby, Tabby, you have to get up."

Tabby startled awake, and she scurried away to another corner of the bed in an attempt to get away from him. She was about to cock her fist back and kick him as she scurried over. Until she realized that she doesn't need to attack him since he wasn't doing anything to hurt her. She lowered her defenses down and gave a sheepish, apologetic look.

"Sorry...instincts..."

She groaned and rubbed her head "my head hurts..and my entire body aches...god, I'm so tired..."

She looked around, confused.

"How...did I get back here?...."

She looked over to see Toby's hoody in her bed. Confused and embarrassed, she crawled over and picked up the hoody and handed it back to him.

"I don't know how I got this...but I think this belongs to you."

"Oh yeah, thanks." Toby took it back from her and smiled.

"Yeah. I went and got you from Jane's place and brought you here. Do you need some ice for your head? You had a nasty fall." He felt terrible for having to wake her up.

"Yeah, that's what happens when your body finally gives out when you already went two weeks with no sleep."

Toby left her to wake up. He was getting everything cleaned up. He wanted her to wake up first before he told her the bad news. Masky and HoodieHoodie were already on their way over.

She flopped onto her face in her bed with how exhausted she was. It looks like she's not going to get any more sleep for a while. Great, just great. Hopefully, she could get some coffee or an energy drink or both, preferably. The caffeine didn't help her anxiety and paranoia any. And it's certainly not healthy for her. It worsened, but it does help keep her up when she needs to for more extended periods. This was helpful for when her insomnia finally wears off for a while, and she can't do her usual routine to catch up On sleep like she usually does sometimes. But first, some water for that headache that she had. Tabby was grumbling as she got her clothes ready. She took out a black my chemical romance tee-shirt since she's still in her emo phase that never left her. And a pair of worn-out jeans and socks. She went to the closet to get new bandages for her hand since she was covered in yesterday's blood. She was going to take a shower first. Hopefully, that will help wake her up, but she highly doubts it. The poor girl looked exhausted and just wanted to go back to sleep.

She put her stuff in the bathroom and came out to get some water since she was thirsty. She took three long gulps of water and tilted her head back, and closed her eyes for a moment.

"God, I fucking hate my insomnia. I'd kill for some coffee or an energy drink or both. It's not good for my anxiety and paranoia, but it does help keep me awake when I need to" she went back to sipping her water. "So why do I have to be up exactly that involves me?"

Toby gave her a slight grimace.

"I'll tell you the news later. But I'll tell you what. You take a shower, and I'll make your coffee; how does that sound? I know you like watching, but I'm just going to use these beans." He opened his upper cabinet and showed her the bag of coffee beans. "I have some of the tester sticks, too, if you want." He wanted her to get tidied up a bit before the other two came over.

Tabby gulped at his grimace. Whatever the news was, it couldn't be good for her. But she needed to clean up to wash off yesterday's blood and take care of her hand. She nodded as he showed her.

"That sounds good as long as you have sugar. I like my coffee diabetes sweet." She went in to take her shower.

Toby nodded and made her coffee. He left the sugar and creamer for Tabby to add herself, so she could inspect it if she needed to and also so she could add as much as she wanted. He switched on the TV. He could watch human channels if he wanted, but he much preferred monster television.

Tabby set the water on warm to soothe her aching body for the day. It took her a couple of minutes to figure out how the shower worked. She undid the bandages on her left hand and threw them away. She got undressed and inspected herself. Scars were always going to be there, but the bruises were healing up nicely. It was amazing to her what happens when she wasn't getting into fights and getting beat almost every day. She estimated about a week for them to heal entirely besides a few major ones on both sides of her ribcage and stomach that would take longer. They never recovered this fast before usually; it took two weeks for the old bruises to heal first. Tabby was giddy about that. She got in and washed herself up with the stuff she brought with her when she ran away. The whole process took like 5 minutes. She turned the water off, dried off, got dressed in her black my chemical romance shirt and worn-out pants and socks, brushed her hair and teeth, and got out.

She came out, putting her wet hair back into a ponytail. The coffee was waiting for her, with the cream and sugar next to it. Toby was sat on the couch, watching the news. A little demon man was on the TV, talking about the weather for that day, which was, as usual, hot. Tabby took the testing stick just in case. No poison. She put some creamer and a shit ton of sugar into her coffee. She stirred it in and gave it a taste test. She gave a blissful sigh as the coffee hit the right spot. She took her coffee into the living room, sipping on it. She sat a few cushions over from Toby. She looked visibly slightly better. Still really exhausted but able to deal with it better now that she had some coffee with her. Still looked malnourished. She had clean bandages on her hand, and her fresh scars were basically healed, and most of her bruises were almost gone or looked slightly better.

"So, what is the bad news that involves me?"

Toby was about to answer when there was a knock on the door. He went and got it. There stood Masky and Hoodie. Masky had his mask strapped to his belt, revealing a cheery, rather nice-looking face. He looked like a normal human being. Hoodie kept his mask on, of course. He hated taking it off.

"Hey guys, come in," Toby said nervously.

They both did so. Masky flashed Tabby a smile.

"Hey, kiddo."

Tabby narrowed her eyes at him, remembering the night when he tried to kill her twice. But she wasn't a rude bitch most of the time.

"Hello," she said in a polite tone as she stopped drinking her coffee for a second to give everyone her full attention.

Hoodie chuckled to himself quietly. It must be weird to see Masky so chill. Toby smiled awkwardly.

"Tabby, you've...uh...met these people before, but anyways. This is Masky, our group leader. And this is Hoodie." Both men wave

"Yeah, I know," she said still politely, but her voice had a harsh undertone to it slightly.

But her stepdad was strict on raising her with respect for her elders and manners in general. She gave a small wave with her left hand in return.

"Why are you guys here?"

"They're here, so we can do a small mission before we go help EJ with his," Toby stated nervously before excusing himself to the bathroom so either Hoodie or Masky could explain it.

"Wait, what?" She started, but Toby was already in the bathroom. She growled in frustration, with her jaw tightening up.

"I don't appreciate it when people try to avoid things with me..." she turned to face the two older males and crossed her arms, still being tense, making it very clear that she doesn't trust either one of the three for one second.

"What is the other mission exactly? And how does it involve me?"

She was sipping on her coffee to keep from attacking the both of them.

"Well, the boss wants you to kill some people." Hoodie put it very bluntly.

Tabby choked on her coffee and began to have a coughing fit.

"Already?... Jesus, I've only been here three days; it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me someone with no experience whatsoever and who hasn't been here for long," she said between coughs. She was more awake after that little bit of news.

"Brian, that's unnecessary."

"It's true. And don't call me by my name in front of her. And she will unless she wants to die."

"She's our new teammate now. She has every right to know."

She looked over at Hoodie.

"Jokes on you, I already do. I don't see an issue with that," she said, slowing down with the coughs.

She finally caught her breath. She stood up straight and looked at Masky distrustfully. It was weird to her that he was sticking up for her and being friendly.

"I appreciate you sticking up for me, but please don't do it again. I've already told Toby this, and I'm going to tell both of you. I can take care of myself, don't fight my battles for me."

She didn't mean to sound and be harsh. She was just naturally like that. It was a survival mechanism to her. It either pushed others away and hated her, which was good. She'd instead be left alone by everyone else besides her friend group. Or it showed other people that she took shit from no one and don't fuck with her. Either way, if it got her and her friends to live another day, that's all she cared about.

"It wasn't about protecting you." Hoodie scoffed.

"It was just good ol' Tim keeping me in my place." He sounded bitter.

"And yeah. You're doing it. You get to kill a man and a woman. You get an intimate look at one of the more common ways we get proxies." Hoodie was perched on the armchair.

She then glared at Hoodie, but her expression and tone were spiteful, hateful, and bitter.

"I don't need you to tell me that I'm going to do it when I already said I would. Once I made a choice, I stick by it, and I will go down with the ship to the bitter fucking end".

It was to the point where her darkness was seeping through little by little. Enough to make everyone feel uncomfortable, at least. She was about ready to attack Hoodie if she could get away with it. It just goes to show that the manipulation wasn't going to work on her.

Masky sighed.

"He means that...you will be killing a mother and a father, and we will be taking the children to be trained as proxies. Our boss chooses proxies young. Most proxies start when they're young teenagers, sometimes a little younger. Our boss likes to experiment."

Masky got a cigarette out of a box in his pocket and lit it. At the same time, he reached into the bag at his side, pulling out a picture of the family. The father was tall and handsome, with a medium complexion, dark eyes, and very curly dark hair. The mother was short and a little plump, with friendly green eyes and auburn hair, has done neatly in a bun. They were appropriately dressed. A young boy, around twelve, looked a lot like his parents. He had his father's curly brown hair but his mother's eyes. He was wearing a bright blue suit. There was a girl as well, in a green dress. Her hair was straight but was still the dark color of her father's. She held a book in her hands.

The mother was holding a very tiny baby, fast asleep, and in a little pink bow. They looked like a happy, average family. A family that was about to be shattered: both Masky and Hoodie seemed to regard the fact with indifference. Masky himself had been chosen as a proxy when he was young. Ever since he could remember, he had seen his boss. It used to scare him. His mother eventually gave up custody of him after leaving him in an institution. He left the institution to a foster family. Then another. Then another. Then another. Hoodie, well, he tried not to dwell on what little he remembered.

Tabby's eyes widened.

"P-parents?!"

She dropped her coffee which unfortunately spilled. Her face paled to the point where her skin looked slightly gray. She slowly backed into a couch and tightened her grip on the back of it to the point where her knuckles were white. She had this fearful look to her as she had a flashback of what happened when she first helped taking someone's mother away—but knowing what she knows now. Now she's not so sure if it was just her paranoia that night. Looking back on it now, she was convinced that that specific traumatic incident is 30% of what led her up to be in the position that she's in now. Tabby was just 12 years old at the time.

Both Masky and Hoodie had ruined numerous families and lives. They liked to pretend it didn't bother them, but sometimes, it did. Not in this case, though. The children would live and would be given a new, better life. Masky couldn't tell that Tabby remembered something, but Hoodie could. He said nothing.

"We will be there to supervise." He told her.

Toby soon came back. He sat near Tabby, then saw the picture. He took it and looked at it. He stared at the kids.

She narrowed her eyes at Toby, about ready to call him out on his bullshit. "you know I don't appreciate when people try to avoid stuff with me. It's a cowardly move to me personally, and I don't think you're a coward. If you have something to say to me, good, bad, or otherwise, say to my face, please. Just some advice for next time".

Hoodie continued.

"The older kids will be taken to an institution where they can be transformed and trained. The baby will be taken to the boss." Hoodie spoke with indifference and some amount of coldness

Tabby slowly came back to reality and looked confused. Until what they said processed finally.

"Okay... that's fair enough, I guess....". She started slowly.

The color was returning to her face as she slowly relaxed her grip on the couch. She quickly returned to her usual self. She picked up the coffee cup and cleaned up the spilled coffee. She walked into the kitchen to clean up her dish.

Hoodie angrily turned to Toby.

"See, this is why you need to beat the shit out of new proxies to get them to learn their fucking place! Otherwise, you get mouthy, stupid brats like this one who can't tell the difference between a suggestion and an order! Any other proxy would have just killed her."

Tabby shouted back from the kitchen, "I can fucking hear you! You want to beat the shit out of me? Go right ahead! But I promise you I will fight back! I'm not a little bitch that will take the shit that's handed to her! You think I'm scared of you? Well, you're so wrong!"

Toby sighed and just hung his head.

Hoodie continued, "And if she doesn't learn her fucking place, I WILL kill her."

She heard the next part, "good luck in trying! At least someone else would be competent enough to make a successful attempt, unlike you!"

Hoodie was seething in rage and turned to Masky.

"Are you hearing this bullshit?!"

"Give her a chance to learn, Hoodie." Masky said quietly, "Whether you like it or not, she is our teammate. She might not have that high a standing right now, but it is possible to become very competent in a short time. Toby's living proof of that."

Masky inhaled the smoke and sighed softly.

"There will be no fights. I will not allow it. Hoodie-" his voice became a little commanding. "Go outside and get some fresh air."

Hoodie knew better than to argue. He did as his leader said.

She heard the door slam; she walked back into the living room, still pissed and scratching her ears. And when she's pissed, you could feel the heat radiating off of her, and her ears become rash like so she itches them.

"I don't need to be told what to do a second time. I'm told once. I already agreed fucking agreed to the job. I already said I was going to do the job. Done, set deal."

Masky serenely blew smoke out of his mouth. He seemed utterly unbothered by Tabby's irritation. Toby got up to get some things ready for the little trip. Hoodie was gone. He could kill Tabby if he wanted to. But he was going to calm down. Masky had no desire to argue. He simply sighed.

"You might want to get some stuff ready for the mission. After we do this, we'll be meeting EJ for lunch and anyone else wanting to go on this mission with us."

She took a deep breath.

"Fine"

She was slightly calmer now, at least to the point where she wouldn't take it out on either Masky or Toby. She did what she was told. She just packed up her clothes and products and her two pictures and Autumn's sketches in her black backpack. She put on her shoes and her signature red plaid jacket. She had one strap of her bag slung over her shoulder and waited impatiently to go. Hoodie soon came back, looking a lot calmer. Masky smiled slightly and unhooked his mask from his belt to put it on. Masks were required while on missions. Toby soon came out. He was ready too. Tabby put hers on and just ignored the HoodieHoodie for the time being. Hoodie followed her lead and ignored her as well. Tabby just stuck close to Toby, kept her head down low and her hands in her pockets, and kept silent. She followed the other two out the door.

It was quiet out. Hoodie and Masky were talking among themselves as they walked. Toby walked resolutely with Tabby. They were going to walk to the portal, then steal a car to drive there.

Tabby was calmed down enough. She was lost in her thoughts. She was stuck in between neutralizing her anxiety about her first kill and kind of being excited to go back home in a sense. At least she would be in familiar territory again, and she could go back to her and Autumn's spot to get away from these 3. Tabby kept sneaking glances over at Toby. It was nice having someone by her side. Even if they didn't talk, it was nice to have company. It made her smile a little under her mask.

Toby felt meek and tired. He usually didn't argue with his group. He wasn't all that good at it. But he and HoodieHoodie had some fundamental disagreements on how to train new proxies. It was frustrating. He didn't want Tabby to have to go through the hell he did. Tabby continued not to say anything. She figured at this point it would be best to stick to her fundamental rule of only speaking when spoken to.

Tabby was lost in thought. Killing people who deserved it was one thing. Killing people for survival is another thing that she understands all too well. Killing someone because it's for a job is another thing that she understood. But she didn't know if the parents were what she would deem immoral or not. She was about to take away someone's parents. Just like she did all those years ago. It didn't matter. She already said that she would do the job. That was that. What was eating away at her was that she was about to prove her stepdad right about her. How godawful of a person she was, how she was a monster, how everyone around her would be dead because of her. To her, that was like admitting ultimate defeat. She looked down defeatedly and fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt to keep her anxiety at bay. What would the kids think of her? Well, whatever. Let them figure it out on their own. Let the chips fall where they may.

Toby always hated these missions. Retrieval missions were draining, hard on his psyche, and didn't usually pay well. He tried his best not to think about it. His job was to retrieve the baby, which was the least draining, in his opinion. All he had to do was find the crib and get the child. That baby couldn't be upset with him for destroying her life. The only reason she would cry is if she was hungry or cold or tired. The older kids, however.

Tabby looked like she was about to cry as she felt her demons at her heels as she was reliving that Godawful night. The last thing she wanted to do was to prove her stepdad right. But it looks like she had no other choice. She kept her head down and soldiered on. Thank God her mask covered up her entire face. As she let silent tears stream down her face. She didn't make any noise as she did, so she just stayed deathly silent, not to give herself away. She was so quiet and stealthy that you would forget that she was walking with you.

Toby overheard Masky speaking. The father was someone who was looking into their world. And that couldn't be allowed. That action had made that family their enemy. The way for that family to be redeemed would be through the children. It was cruel. But fair. Tabby understood, unfortunately. The price you pay was very cruel but reasonable if you go looking for shit, you don't know what you're getting into. She learned that from a past babysitter of hers. She paid the price for her babysitter's actions, which was how she got her knowledge on the paranormal. Something that didn't belong in Maplehood but oddly enough somehow belongs here vaguely.

The walk to the portal was thankfully quick. Masky had his bag with him. Hoodie knew what was inside, and so did Toby.

"Okay. Who wants to go through first?" Masky asked

Tabby snapped her head and blinked a couple of times to clear her eyes to make it look like she wasn't crying. She spoke up with an emotionless voice.

"I will"

Tabby stepped through the portal and waited for everyone else. The men soon followed her, arriving nearby. Without a word, Masky began to lead the way. Hoodie was muttering to him.

Tabby followed behind them, following alongside Toby and going back to being silent. She was past crying now. Now she just looked straight ahead, not showing any emotion, but her eyes just look dead on the inside. She continued to fidget with her shirt like she was wringing out someone's neck. Masky led the way.

"The house is 1112 Twelfth St. Keep an eye out."

They were heading towards a neighborhood. It was nice out that day.

Tabby knew that street all too well in her hometown. It was in the downtown area. Three blocks from Rosewood Preparatory school. It was in one of the wealthier neighborhoods. A younger, more childish version of Tabby loved going down that street for trick r treating on Halloween. She deemed it the best place to go because they always gave out big and lots of fancy pieces of candy. Those memories brought back a warming sense of familiarity. It calmed her down enough to the point where she almost forgot that she was about to commit her first kill. The closer they got to the street, the darker the aura felt. But that's because it was close to Rosewood and Rosewood as an unsettling dark, mysterious aura around it with how much bloodshed was wrongfully and violently spilled there. It was the same unsettling darkness that generally surrounded Tabby since she used to go to Rosewood. Everyone who went to Rosewood has it. That's how you can tell they were there. Except hers had a more personal taste and was raw just beneath the surface. It was enough to make anyone feel uncomfortable if you weren't from there or just used to it. Toby and HoodieHoodie didn't seem to care all that much. Masky seemed to notice it but paid it no mind. It was bright out but slowly getting darker. Masky saw parents coming outside to usher their children back inside. Dogs were outside in many of the gated yards. Some barked at the four. Others ignored them.

Tabby kept her head down and mumbled prayers to herself that they wouldn't bring too much attention to themselves. And also that she wouldn't fuck up. Her anxiety and paranoia were sky-high to the point where she was almost jumpy and jittery. Although she desperately tried not to show it. It was to the point where even fidgeting with her shirt wasn't working, and she was slightly squirming uncomfortably. Tabby's mind was racing.

"How does it feel to go into this knowing you're going to prove dad right?"

"How does it feel knowing what you're going commit."

"What would the children say about you? What about Adam? What about Autumn? What would happen if Horatio ever found out?"

"They're going to find out your secrets and what type of a godawful person you are."

"You know dad would be proud of you."

"You're no better than dad and Horatio. If not worse".

Those were the thoughts that intruded in her head. She kept mumbling to herself, "shut up" "that's not true," over and over again like a mantra.

She kept repeatedly and periodically shaking her head to get rid of her thoughts.

Hoodie soon stopped in front of a quaint blue house. The mailbox was painted white. It was cute. The curtains were open. It was easy to look in. Hoodie saw their targets. The mother was holding the baby. The kids were sitting together at the table. The father was serving dinner to the people at the table. Hoodie shook his head.

"Game plan?" Tabby whispered, squeaked out awkwardly. It was evident that Tabby didn't look too good. But her face was emotionless and resolute. It was showing the determination that she would go through with it no matter what.

"Well, I'd hate to ruin their little dinner." Hoodie said sarcastically.

Tabby rolled her eyes at Hoodie.

Masky sighed.

"Let's sneak in."

Tabby nodded at Masky.

"I know these types of houses. These structures are old. And the house is huge. The best way to sneak in would be through the cellar. From there, there's normally an old secret passageway of sorts, what would be a servant's passage. The walls are hollow so we could move through there, and we would end up in the rooms of the house," she explained quietly.

"Alright. Sounds good. Tabby, Toby, you go in through the cellar. Once you get in, open that window-" he pointed to the left one on the upper floor. "To signal for me and Hoodie to come in as well."

"Got it. Toby let's go," she said as she started to sneak to the back of the house towards the cellar.

Even though her stomach plummeted with dread and her footsteps felt heavy. She still kept ongoing. Toby followed her. They passed by the backyard. A little playground was in the back. It was cute. Tabby saw that the cellar doors were locked. But not to worry. Tabby crouched down and began to pick the lock with one of her knives. A few minutes later, the lock came undone. She gently lifts it, not wanting to make too much noise. She slowly went down the cellar stairs. Toby followed her, quiet as a mouse, closing the door behind him. He could see a little in the musty cellar light. Mostly empty shelves. Some old toys. Nothing special. Tabby was scanning for something that resembled a secret door of some sort. Until she found it, it was a bit small. But it was big enough for both of them to fit if they both crawled through until they came into a bigger space, then they should be fine. The door looked like it hadn't been used in years. Tabby could tell that it would open up easily. She used her knife to pry it open. It gently scraped against the floor, blowing a thin layer of dust in their way. Tabby coughed a little bit, silenced it. Toby covered his mouth with his elbow as he sneezed.

"Oh, fuck." He muttered under his breath, then laughed nervously.

He let Tabby go first. Tabby gave him a small smile and a slight chuckle. For some reason, her nerves seemed to calm down around him, which was good for her anxiety. She crawled through the darkened corridor.

"It's small at first, but once we get into the wall structure, it should get bigger, Although it will be a narrow fit for the both of us," she whispered.

Toby chuckled in response.

"I feel a bit like a mouse." He said in a joking manner. He crawled in after her.

"The only time I feel blessed with my small size," she smirked.

Her smirk faded into something more serious.

"To be honest...I have never been more scared in my life than now," she said quietly as she hung her head looking at the ground while crawling forwards and taking a right.

"It'll be okay," Toby muttered to her. "I'll be there to back you up if things go wrong." He promised her. He followed her when she turned.

Tabby stopped dead in her tracks, causing Toby to crash into her. She whipped her head around.

"You know those were the exact last words that my friends ever said to me. Just saying"

She gave a quiet bitter chuckle.

"Who knew that I would spend my entire life trying to prove my step das wrong only today to prove that he was right about me all along. I'm no better than he is" she sounded bitter yet defeated.

Tabby continued straight for a while. They had to take a left and then straight ahead before the corridor expanded into the wall structure.

"Your stepdad is wrong," Toby said. "You are better than he is."

He continued to follow her. "He hurt someone he was supposed to care for. You are hurting our enemies."

"And I hurt his enemy; what's the difference?" she shot back.

He didn't have an answer for her. She sighed

"I don't think you understand," she started.

She paused in her thinking for a minute. She turned left in the corridor. She was debating on how much she should tell him. She didn't want him to think any differently of her. Even though she just met him, she wasn't sure exactly why she cared so much about what he thought. She also remembered her stepdad's threat about if she told anyone what happened, he would find out and either kill them and/her. But Toby was a proxy, and her stepdad was a human; if anything, he could kill him if something weird were to happen.

"I- this-....this isn't my first rodeo...exactly" she hesitated.

"That's okay," Toby said with a shrug.

"You know, killing doesn't make you...bad, right?"

Toby knew she still thought like a human. But once she entirely switched, she would understand.

"I know...that it's necessary. Because I plan to when I get my revenge so my friends can finally crossover and are at peace if they already haven't, that's not my problem," she sighed "it's just that... I've just seen too much death at the hands of the wrong people for the wrong reason...." she referred to her stepdad and Horatio and the teachers at Rosewood.

"And to clear it up, I never killed anyone directly before. Although I've tried countless times with Horatio, I never succeeded."

She hesitated "but that's not to say that I never helped out with the aftermath of it though it wasn't my fault."

They got to the wall structure, so she stood up and walked sideways through the walkways.

"It doesn't matter anyway. The tricky part here is judging when we're on the second floor. Then we can let Masky and Hoodie in," she said

Toby shifted to the side slightly. It was somewhat hot in here.

"I understand. I promise it won't be too bad." He said quietly.

He continued to crawl.

"And we'll just climb as far as we can go, maybe. That should get us upstairs." Toby was a little worried for Tabby.

"Fair enough," she said.

"I don't know if this will help," Toby began," But don't think of it as taking parents away from the kids; think of it more as a way to punish those who have wronged our people and give those kids a purpose. If that's what's bothering you" He was quiet after that, allowing her time to speak if she needed to

"I guess that makes sense...sort of like a second chance....for the kids, I mean" she tilted her head to the side and then nodded.

"After all, my stepdad taught me that if you do something wrong, then you should expect the worse possible outcome, which is usually death. Especially if you go actively looking for shit that you don't understand what you're dealing with. And sometimes, just sometimes, someone else pays for another person's actions. Yet something else I know too well. That was the second life lesson I ever learned" she shrugged.

Toby nodded.

"That's true." He said.

"Both of those things are true." He sighed quietly.

"I know. I experienced them. But that's a story for another day. One, I think you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I have been through a lot of unbelievable things myself. I can handle it."

Tabby looked over at Toby for a moment. She wasn't sure if he was bluffing and just saying that he could get more information out of her or if he was just trying to keep her talking so her anxiety won't be as bad, to which she was thankful that he was playing into it. On top of that, she was more comfortable telling this story more than the other one that she was going to. She could deal with the fact that he would think that she's crazy afterward than him judging her entire character.

"Alright, I'll tell you. So, to preface this. I've always been able just to see the paranormal. I guess I was just born with it. Although throughout my childhood, I've always been able to see these wispy tall, lanky shadowy figures. I have no idea what they are to this day, and they appeared to be less and less as I got older, but I still made it a point to talk to them when they showed themselves, even though they never talked at all. They were just there. The first ghost that showed itself to me was when I was six. The rest was from birth and on"

She paused for a moment and looked away from him.

"You probably think I'm crazy already."

"N-no, I don't please..continue," he said softly.

She looked into his puppy dog brown eyes for a moment. It was enough to make her melt, but she would rather die than admit it. She gave in.

"Well, I always thought the extent of my supernatural abilities would just be Sight. But I was so wrong."

"I was four at the time. My mom always worked a lot to provide for us my entire life. So I never really saw her. I don't hold that against her though it is what it is" she shrugged. "This was before my stepdad came around permanently, so I was always passed off from one babysitter to another," she smirked "none of them lasted a week with me, but my thing was don't tell me what to do in my own house when I am practically self-sufficient even at that age, and I know the rules and my routine better than some stranger who's in my territory. It started like any other day. But it just felt off like the entire day just felt off. Like, you know how a dog can tell when a thunderstorm will hit, and they act all weird? That was me. I could sense that a storm was brewing, and it wasn't one in nature. I could tell something bad would happen; I didn't know what at the time. I thought it might happen to my mom, and that's why my intuition was screaming at me. So I begged her not to go to work that day, but just like every adult, she brushed me off and didn't listen to or believe me. Idk there was just this ominous feel in the air. This time my babysitter was a stranger that my mom managed to hire—a fifteen-year-old blonde petite girl named Maggie Hemmington. At the time, I thought she was an adult, but then again, anyone older than 10 is an adult to you when you're four years old. She wore stuff that expressed she was into the occult stuff. When she came over that day, the feeling that something bad would happen jumped to 1000. I became more insistent and screaming, crying, and begging my mom not to leave me alone with her. But again, my mom brushed me off and tried to reassure me the best she could. In the end, she left for work and me alone with that bitch. The day was awful, with lots of fights and screaming at each other. She was just an awful person; she didn't even do her job. I still had to go and take care of myself. Eventually, she made me go to bed early, saying that she would have friends over and she didn't want a brat like me to get in the way. Which she wasn't supposed to have friends over, to begin with, but after the day I had, I was more than happy to oblige. The quicker I went to sleep, the quicker I could wake up and have it be the next day. So like the good kid I once was, I went up to my room, and surprisingly, I fell asleep naturally".

Tabby took a deep breath before she continued talking.

"It was around midnight, or so I would like to believe. I honestly don't remember much of what happened that night. I only remember what I remember due to months of pushing through the painful headaches and flashbacks accompanying me ever since. I don't remember the full story, so I'm probably missing a few parts, but I remember enough to piece together a semi-complete story. I remember waking up to Maggie and her friends screaming. I was scared and confused as to what was happening. Hindsight is 20/20. I probably should have just stayed in bed. Although, to be honest, I don't think that this night wouldn't have ended differently, even if I did just stay in bed. And in all actuality, I didn't hate her or any of her friends, for that matter. At least, not enough to leave them to their deaths. What if they were in trouble? I was the only one there that could do anything. If I didn't, that would make me a coward, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself. What if they were dead? Then what? If I did go down there and saw what I saw if they were dead, how would I explain what I saw to the police? To my mom? All these questions and choices ran through my head. However, my pride and what little compassion that I had got in the way. I didn't raise myself to be a coward, and I wasn't going to start then, and they sounded like they were in trouble. They needed me. So I chose to sneak downstairs to see what was up and figure it out from there. The apartment itself was quite old, so the staircase was creaky. However, some spots weren't creaky; I knew where they were. Going down the stairs was like doing an intricate dance to avoid the creaky spots. I crouched down halfway down the staircase. The apartment had dim lighting, so there were lots of shadows all over the place. I was wearing a black nightshirt, and I was tan and small enough to hide in the shadows. I looked through the bars of the stairs, and I saw Maggie and her friends huddled together with the look of absolute fear in their eyes, staring straight ahead and an ouija board in front of them. I couldn't see what they saw at the time. But I could feel a dark and powerful aura that was around. It was uncomfortable and overwhelming. It was almost suffocating. As I called it, the entity didn't know what it was since I couldn't see it, but I could feel it and hear it. All that I knew was that it was a malicious entity. It kept coming closer to where I was hiding. I crouched down more to make myself appear smaller. But the entity snatched me up, and as far as I knew, I was levitating in thin air. The entity had a suffocating grip on me. I don't remember much because Maggie, her friends, and I were too busy screaming, crying, and I was trying to fight my way out. I even tried to bite the entity, but that only resulted in it tightening its grip on me even more. Maggie was trying to negotiate a different price for summoning the entity Since it said that it required a sacrifice as a price for summoning it. And well, I was it. After hours of screaming, crying, and negotiating, they came to a compromise. What that compromise was, I have no idea to this day. But all I remember is a pressure on my forehead and just a flood of painful life truths and knowledge on more paranormal creatures and how to deal with them. I was screaming and crying in pain and agony. It was too much all at once, and I felt like my head was going to explode. The night seemed to go on forever to me. I thought that it would never end. After the entity was done, I blacked out. I can't tell you what happened after even if I tried. This is why I don't mess with horror movies, witchcraft, and ouija boards to this day. I don't go actively looking for stuff that I don't understand what I'm dealing with."

She checked to see if Toby was still listening, which he was. She was already in way too deep. There's no backing out of this story now. She was going to finish it.

"The next morning, I woke up back in my room in my bed. I had a painful headache in the center of my forehead, like the equivalent of a nasty hangover. I was perplexed as to what happened last night. I knew something happened. I didn't know what. That is until the painful knowledge that I received last night came flowing back like a flood. I was crying and screaming in agony until the flashbacks subsided. My mom came running in to see what was wrong. She asked me what was wrong. But I couldn't tell her the truth about what happened last night. She wouldn't have believed me anyway. Instead, I just cuddled up to her and held onto her tight, and just cried until I ran out of tears and was reduced to a sniffling, hiccupping mess. I just suffered in silence while my mom rubbed my back and petted my hair."

Toby looked at her, confused.

"I mean would your parents believe you if you told them this exact story?"

"Absofuckinglutely not," he answered honestly.

"That's what I thought."

She paused for a moment before taking a deep breath before continuing again.

"The next three months was a bitch to deal with. I was a mess. I still did what I needed to do. I went to preschool, although I was more antisocial than usual, and I was jumpier. I was just more of a broken quiet, my wide hazel eyes had a haunted look to them on top of them being slightly sunken back, and I had dark circles under them; I wasn't sleeping much during those three months. It was an awful sight. I was almost sickly skinny; I wasn't eating much for those three months as well. It was evident that I was a shell of my former self. After preschool, I ate the bare minimum to stay alive and shower when I had the energy to do so. I didn't want to be out of my room longer than I had to. I was afraid the entity would come back for me. The rest of the time, I laid in bed with my covers pulled up, staring at the wall or ceiling for hours on end, just empty-headed and crying when the flashbacks and nightmares occurred. The worst part was that I was alone. Mom was either working or sleeping, and she knew that my trauma had to do with Maggie, so my mom stopped with the babysitters and just left me alone. She wasn't supposed to, but she didn't know what else to do. I didn't tell my stepdad about what happened. And I used to tell this man everything and anything. Back then, we didn't have secrets from each other. But I couldn't tell him this. He wouldn't believe me if I told him. The only ones that I told were my friends when they gained enough trust. So I kept it to myself. My stepdad didn't push me back then. He knew when to back off and respect my boundaries. He dropped it when I didn't want to talk about it. He knew something happened to me but didn't know what. He checked up on me when he was there to make sure I was okay and got a little bit of something to eat. He wasn't always like the way he is now. But that's long gone. You think I'm bad now? You should have seen me in that state back then" she gave a bitter quiet laugh.

"A month had passed since then, and my stepdad had enough of me being bedridden. He gave me this piece of advice that I live by to this day. He sat on my bed and rubbed my back. It was an awful day. The flashbacks and headaches were non-stop, and sleep was nonexistent. He said he could tell that I was scared, and he hated seeing me like this every day. He also said that he knew that I wasn't a coward, and he knew a way to help me face any fear that I would have. That caught my attention, so I sat up a little to pay better attention. He told me this: The more you know, the less you have anything to be afraid of. After all, you can't be afraid of something if you know what that thing is. He left me alone after that, and it was something to think about. I gave myself a week to think about it. By Friday, I decided that I had enough. I didn't want to be stuck in bed. I was tired of the constant flashbacks and headaches. I was tired of living in fear. It's not a fun way to live as I would discover that realization again later on in my life, and guess what? That night when I decided to start not being afraid anymore was the first night that sleep overcame me with no flashbacks and headaches the following day. I guess as I started to make peace with what I was about to do, had something to do with that too".

"The next day, before my mom left for work and my stepdad came over to babysit me, I told them my decision and asked if I could go to the library. I figured that the first step to not being afraid is getting everything on that subject. My mom agreed and left her library card for us to use. I didn't get my own until I was six. I think my mom was just relieved that I wouldn't be bedridden anymore and that I was actually going out to get some fresh air. After my mom left, I grabbed the black backpack he gave me, and we went to the library. I got every book I could on the supernatural and how to deal with them. I definitely got some confused and concerned looks from the librarians and my stepdad. I ignored the librarians, and my stepdad didn't push it. I assumed that he picked up on the type of books that I was getting and figured out what I was scared of, but he was more than willing to help conquer my fears. We checked them out, and we had a month with them before we had to return them. My backpack was so filled that it made me look like an oversized turtle. I wasn't a good reader back then to reading comprehension. It wasn't my strong suit back then. But I was one hell of a writer. So even though he was confused about the subjects that I picked, he helped me with reading the books and helped me take down notes. The more I understood, the less I was becoming less and less afraid. The next step to me for not being afraid was getting the full story of what happened that night. To tell you the truth, I honestly didn't really remember what happened exactly. I remember bits and pieces of what happened due to flashbacks and memories but not in order. And I don't remember what happened after I blacked out about my thought process because I can finally understand and not be afraid anymore if I learned the truth of what really happened. Despite me staying out of my room more and more, I still spent an equal amount of time there. I would deliberately sit myself down and go through that day's events, walking myself through step by step. It wasn't until I got to the par I was snatched, and then the flashbacks would come back intensely. But nevertheless, I pushed through. I would always have a bad headache after each and every session. Literally, my diet consisted of whatever I ate and children's T. It wasn't easy, and there were days where I stepped back from the progress that I made, but little by little, I got to piece together as much of a complete story could. Over time the flashbacks and headaches became less and less frequent as I got older. Occasionally, I would get the nightmare of that nevertheless, always be followed by a headache in the center of my forehead. Still, I wMye some ibuprofen and be on my way. They don't happen as much anymore like they used to. Over time I became less and less afraid, and I became well more normal after that. Well, as normal as I could get after an event like that. I was happy more often. I had my dad/best friend. I pushed boundaries; I got time-outs and early bedtimes. I played with my toys and with him, and I went to preschool, and I ate a lot and regularly more often. I was doing fine. I was getting better".

"Anyways, that's my experience with people fucking around with shit that they don't understand, and then someone else had to pay. I'm pretty sure that this was also 30% of what lead up to me being here," she sounded bitter and looked away.

Toby had listened carefully to her story. He somewhat understood. He never had experiences with the paranormal like that when he was a kid. He had so many more questions for Tabby. Her story made him even more curious about her, but he knew better than to bombard her with them here and now. He hasn't known her for very long, but he knew he was the type of person to beat the fuck out of someone if they didn't back off. Or, at the very least, cause a scene. Maybe he'll try a different approach later when they had more time and alone and settled in. I mean, she already told him one of her most traumatic stories. So she was starting to trust him somewhat. Maybe she would say to him more. Perhaps finally, he found someone with the same pains as him, and they can cope together. He wondered, in the pit of his stomach and the back of his brain, if some force that was not his own made him stop his group from killing Tabby. He honestly had no clue whatsoever. Maybe, maybe not. He knew he had to respond to what Tabby had said, so he did.

"Hm. It doesn't sound like the weirdest thing I've heard." Toby said honestly. "Don't tell him I told you, but Ti- I mean, our boss stalked Masky for years before joining. The whole situation is up on Youtube. He's been trying to get it taken down."

Masky had told him about his life before he was a proxy. The hospital. The medications. Tim was screaming at the staff to believe him when he told them about the monster he saw. It was very lonely for him, and Toby assumed that it must've been very lonely for Tabby as well.

"I won't tell. I'm not a snitch. I'm not the one to snoop around in someone's business," she gave a small reassuring smile.

"You're probably right, though; about that probably leading you to here. Experiences with the paranormal usually either bring people to us or get them killed. I think that name sounds familiar. Maybe Maggie was someone my group has killed in the past. I'm not sure, but I think so. I'm sorry you went through that so young, though."

"I appreciate your sympathies...and it's whatever now I learned to cope. That's why I don't have any sympathies towards people who go actively looking for stuff. You knew what you're getting yourself into; you pay the consequences. If your group did kill her, I would thank you for that. The bitch had what was coming to her," she sounded dark and cold.

It took a minute for her to process what he said entirely.

"Wait, hold on. You believe me?"

"Yeah, I do believe you," Toby said.

Tabby just looked at him as she kept crawling. She wasn't exactly sure how to feel about this. All she can say is that she felt a weird rush of relief and adoration for the stranger behind her. It almost like he was the best thing ever.

He suddenly stopped crawling and grabbed Tabby's leg to let her know to stop.

"Do you think this is the place? It feels a little cooler, so I think it's by a window." He placed his hand on one of his hatchets.

"I think so. We should check"

Toby nodded and moved so Tabby could wiggle out first. She probably knew this better than he did. Tabby got out first. It turns out they were in the parents' room. And the window was open. She gave a thumbs up out the window to let Masky and Hoodie know that they could come in. She turned to face Toby.

"Alright, so I thought that I should take out the parents first, so that way all you guys have to do is just get the kids. So we're going to need to create a distraction to lure the parents up here. The least I can do is make sure that the kids don't have to see them being brutally murdered" she looked down.

"That might not be an option," Toby said quietly, "They may see...we have to try to get them not to see. I'll tell Tim and Brian to take the older kids while I get the baby. That should leave you a window of opportunity to do what you need to do."

Toby looked around. The parents' room was tidy and lovely. Pictures hung on the wall. What looked like their wedding photos. A baby photo of a baby in a little blue hat. A photo of the son as a toddler, with food all over his face. A picture of the boy with a newborn baby in a pink hat. Those were all over the walls. Photos of the stages of the family growth. He also saw some exercise equipment that the parents used in the room when they could.

"Well, I'm going to try to make it an option."

She took a deep breath, "you go hide somewhere and then take the baby. I got this"

It was evident that she didn't believe it. She lifted a heavyweight ball that was in the room. She gave it a good bang against the wall.

"Now go!"

Toby and Tabby slipped into the closet as they heard the dining sounds cease, and footsteps came up the stairs. He hoped it was the mother, as she was the one he had seen with the baby. The footsteps paused outside the door. Then he heard it open. Toby and Tabby peeked out from a crack in the closet to see the woman standing there, a look of confusion and shock on her face. She held her baby in her arms. She stood there for what seemed like minutes but was seconds. Then she screamed and turned to run back down the stairs.

"PAUL! TAKE THE KIDS AND GET OUT-"

Toby heard crashing downstairs. Ah. Hoodie and Masky.

Tabby and Toby ran with the speed of light, and she tackled the woman down the stairs. The baby flew from the mother's arms on impact, but luckily Toby caught them. She tumbled down with the woman. That's going to leave a couple of bruises later. She honestly had no idea what she was doing; she had no idea how to kill. So she fell back on the basics of what her stepdad has taught her. "go for the throat," she said in thought. She took out her knife and pulled the women's head back by her hair, and jammed the knife into the back of her neck in the hypothalamus gland causing instant death. The baby was unharmed.

The woman was bleeding out on the stairs. The baby was crying, mainly because the whole situation was probably terrifying for someone so small. Toby gingerly picked the baby up, searching her over for injuries. The woman was dead. Now Tabby just had to get the dad.

Tabby saw the dad standing there in shock with the kids to the side. Tabby gave an apologetic look to the kids that said I'm so sorry. Then she looked at the dad again, and she felt anger boiling in her. Why did he look so shocked? He should have been prepared for the consequences of actively looking for shit that he didn't understand. What did he expect? What made Tabby angrier was that now someone else had to pay the consequences for his actions. Because he brought his children into this mess, and now they have to suffer. She lunged at the dad and just aimed for the throat. She had enough momentum behind her to have enough force to knock down the dad. Blind anger and Rosewood's and her darkness engulfed her. She lived up to her reputation as Karma.

With that, her vision turned red and blacked out.

#tw homicide #tw violence #tw blood #tw gore #every rose has its thorn #erhit au #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta #original character #tabbyanderson #tabby #ticci toby #toby rogers #masky marble hornets #tim wright #hoody marble hornets #brian thomas #fanfic

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land-of-classpects-and-analysis · 4 years

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Knight of Heart

There are so many different ways in which the concept of an identity, the self, who we are as people can be interpreted. While many try to put this concept of an identity into a binary, a system, a set of rules meant to be followed, there is truly no proper way to simply exist. The soul cannot be perfectly summarized with the symbol of a heart, a ghastly spirit, or anything of the like. It is far more complex than that, especially when taken to an individual basis. Even if two people were to have the same name, the same gender and/or sex, have similar lives and stories to tell, there will always be something that will make these two people unique to who they are. Many of us are often born with a handful of preset traits, a preset appearance, a living situation, so on and so forth. Many of us are, but there are some of us where, as soon as we are born, it’s as though who we are meant to be was determined before we even had a name. A babe who has only been truly alive for 20 minutes may have already made newslines, or been given a label with a destiny attached that they couldn’t even begin to comprehend. As the child grows and becomes more aware of reality, they would come to realize that not many people actually truly know or see this child for who they are, but what destiny they have been so selfishly thrown into. They never asked to be given this title, these expectations to live up to, but they have no choice. To go against such a thing is to risk being put under scrutiny and endless criticism, judgement, being told that they are wrong and selfish for not being happy about the way their life has been formed. The Knight of Heart is one who may have all the building blocks necessary to have an identity, but it is not one they wish to have.

It is through this scorn for their preconceived identity that the Knight of Heart’s facade will grow. While many Knights tend to lean more towards facade than the other, the Knight of Heart is one where, due to their near constant identity crisis, they are one of the Knights who has many, many masks to put on and take off as they see fit. Around certain people, they may be the cool dude who doesn’t allow anything to get to them. Then, around different types of people, or in different situations, they may be aggressive and vicious to a certain extent, snapping their jaws and snarling at anyone who manages to get beneath their thin skin. Of course, there are many more facades for the Knight of Heart to put on, such as the generous friend and leader, the rebellious yet caring person, the self-centered crude soul who is still somehow popular, and so on. The reason for this is due to the fact that since they reject the identity already presented to them, they are so desperately trying their best to find and cling to another one, all the while accidentally creating so many masks, facades, and splinters of themself that, at the end of the day, they may look themself in the mirror and ask the constant burning question - who am I? What the Knight of Heart falls to see is that, while the building blocks for their identity have already been made to create a brick-wall, the only person preventing themself from turning it into a true piece of art is themself.

While this may sound as though the Knight of Heart is meant to break down that wall, this is only partially true. Really, what the Knight of Heart is meant to do with this wall is make it into something that fits them more than it fits those who tried to box them in. Going around and making all of these facades is not doing any real damage or bringing any change to these walls. Rather, it is far more akin to a child beating their fists and kicking their feet against a wall while throwing a tantrum, or them plugging their ears, closing their eyes, and pretending that if they ignore the walls aren’t there, then they’ll somehow manage to be outside of them. That is not the case, though, no matter how hard the Knight may try to defy the expectations set forth by them. In the end, all they are doing is hurting themself, when the solution to their problems is easier than it needs to be. Knights are known to be rather stubborn at times, unfortunately, and the Knight of Heart is not exempt from this. One of the biggest things the Knight of Heart truly needs to realize first and foremost is that while this cage of rock may have been made by those on the outside, the only person keeping the Knight of Heart inside of it is themself and their fear of not ever being able to withhold a true and solid identity outside of these walls.

Despite some of their facades not being the prettiest, the Knight of Heart is still someone everyone in their life would find charming in one way or another. If anything, it could be argued that perhaps, out of all the Knights, the Knight of Heart is one of, if not most certainly the Knight who brings the most attention to themself. After all, they have so many versions of themself, that they most likely will be able to pull off a performance for any type of person. However, it is because of these constant ever-shifting states of identity that only help to enable and enforce this jumbling of identities, pointless rebellion against who they are, and so on. However, maybe the Knight of Heart surrounds themself with all these diverse, interesting, radical people so that somehow, someway, they may find an identity that is not like that of the one they still remain trapped inside of - like that of a circus animal. All the while, the Knight must also take into account those above them, looking down in anticipation, brimming with hope that the Knight will eventually clean themself up and accept their predetermined destiny. No matter how loving their home may be, how wealthy and well-off their life is being built up to, all the Knight can focus on is that the person they are expected to grow up to and the footsteps they are meant to follow will never fit just right to the Knight. Yet no matter what they do, how hard they try, who they pretend to be, they still have to come home and be the child with a grand and important legacy on their head.

Of course, it is only when the time finally comes for the Knight of Heart to step up and do something with themself, their identity, that all they have worked towards will begin to come crumbling down. All the thin threads holding them together will snap, sending them crashing down into a state of confusion and despair. There are many ways in which this awakening, the beginning of the Knight’s journey, looks like. Perhaps they were finally caught up in all of their accidental, or maybe even purposeful, lies, and they could do nothing to save or protect themself from all of the rubble that would come crashing down upon them. In another case, they could have been called upon into action for a certain situation, specifically one where they might have had to sacrifice a piece of themself for the betterment of everyone, but instead ran away to save their own skin. Maybe they were asked to officially, undoubtedly defy their parent(s) and their wishes in some fashion, swearing themself fully to one identity while also throwing away the legacy, the building blocks of their identity, they were meant to follow; whether they go through with it, though, once again depends on the Knight of Heart. The cause for any of these downfalls would ultimately be the Knight becoming entangled and strangled by all their facades and the changing morals surrounding them. Not just that, but the Knight, even in these dire moments, has still not found a way to either break out from their internalized cage nor how to get rid of the fear of becoming someone they are not. Even if the Knight were to become hurt from any of these scenarios, all it would do is make them want to push themself further away from the people around them. While being away from some people may benefit the Knight in pondering their actions and identity, what the Knight of Heart will ultimately need is to encounter someone just like them - confused, lost and scared of who they are, and who they might be.

Due to the Knight’s immense exposure to all types of different people, having lived through countless versions of who they can present themself to be, the Knight of Heart is one who already has quite a bit of a head start on their journey. For now, let’s pay attention to the Knights of Heart who will take these experiences and use them as a driving force to protect their Aspect itself. These are the Knights of Heart who would take the effort to truly go out and try their best to help out and lead those in their life towards their true identities. The Knight of Heart most definitely has collected a series of scarred and broken hearts over their time of life, whether they are from past lovers or the hearts of friends that have long since left them. In a way, the Knight of Heart may show that they don’t particularly care what happens to everyone else, especially in regards to their own Hearts. However, if someone were to confront the Knight on this, chances are that they would respond with genuine shock and confusion, claiming that they thought what they were doing was normal and wasn’t actually hurting anyone. Even if it did, they may also voice that they thought everyone could handle this sort of stuff on their own, silently or otherwise. Chances are the reason for this accidental yet rather harmful mindset is because this is the life the Knight of Heart has been living this entire time.

Constant doubt as to who they really are, if they are doing the right thing by rebelling against their parent(s), what it will mean years down the line when they have become older and still haven’t figured themself out. Even when the Knight of Heart seems to be at their most certain as to who they want to be and what they want to do with their life, there is still that deep, deep internal fear that they are making the wrong choice. After all, their life has essentially already been written for them, and it shows great promise of being a stable, risk-free existence. Why, then, do they feel the need to push it all away - to kick, punch, and scream inside of the four walls of identity built around them, forcing them into a box they never even asked to be put inside of? To simply put, it goes against what the Heart-bound stand for, and that is to build up a sense of self from the ground up. The Knight of Heart feels cheated on their identity, their legacy, who they are meant to be. That is why they have been so adamant in trying every way to simultaneously defy and fight back against authority while also trying to coexist with it. All this time, though, the Knight of Heart has been left blind to so many things about not only themself, but also the world around them.

Only after the Knight of Heart has been made aware of their instinctual selfish needs - lying and living not double, not triple, but countless other lives all while collecting the company of so many other people. While the Knight of Heart may have played the role of supporter in a few cases, there were just as many times where they played the role of the selfish, self-centered, and downright narcissistic. It is these negative facades of the Knight of Heart that many people who have been left with a bad taste call the Knight out for, pointing out how they only seemed to care for others when it would directly benefit the Knight more than the person actually in distress. How, even when the Knight seemed to care, deep down it was obvious they were only doing it for themself. While the Knight of Heart may want to fight against this, to deny all responsibility for such claims, they know it would not only make them look even worse, but may prove the other person right. At first, this may bring the Knight of Heart to truly move away from others, and instead only focus on themself - slowly lingering closer to an epiphany that would set them on the right foot of continuing their journey of protecting Heart. One of the biggest things the Knight of Heart would need to ponder and reflect on is the question of why they were so quick to try and shut down any criticism of themself and their actions - why they believe themself to be above it.

During this time of reflection, there is quite a high possibility that the Knight would become extremely upset with themself, once again finding themself pacing back and forth inside of their self-locked cage of concrete. It is within this moment of frustration, exasperation, that a stroke of realization would hit the Knight rather hard. All this time, the Knight of Heart has been trying to rebel against these walls built around them, looking upon them with scorn and hatred for what they represent. Yet, as this has been happening, they have failed to realize that everyone else has been having their own struggles, been trying to climb or break out of their own personal cages, all the while looking towards the Knight of Heart for help and assistance. What did the Knight of Heart do? Either nothing, willfully ignoring the struggles of those they may have thought of as friends, or shallowly used their suffering and struggles as a way to make themself look better. They may not be the only one who is dealing with these problems, but they are someone who is more than capable of giving the support that they never truly received.

Upon making this self-discovery, the Knight of Heart may find themself having a profound tidal wave of shame and guilt, as they realize that they truly have been nothing but a selfish “friend”. It may be a painful, large pill for the Knight to initially swallow, but it is a bitter medicine they so desperately needed to have. Through this self discovery, the Knight of Heart will come to realize that this isn’t who they want to be - they want to be a hero, not the bad guy. Chances are that it will be an uphill battle for the Knight of Heart from this point onward, especially if they do reach out to those who may have been harmed the most from the Knight’s accidental selfishness. Now, though, the Knight of Heart is someone who would strive to be the person to go out of their way to help and protect others who may be struggling to find themself. Most importantly, they would be protecting others struggling with this from being exploited and taken advantage of, their identity possibly becoming twisted and tainted if the Knight were to not step in in time. They are someone who would learn that the walls built around them, given them a basis for their identity, are not meant to be hated. Rather, they are not just walls meant to keep the Knight of Heart safe from any outside influence, but they are the perfect canvases for the Knight to build a strong, sturdy identity.

As for the Knights of Heart who protect through their Aspect, their journey is a rather interesting and peculiar one. After all, the basis of their power is that they essentially protect others through their own Heart, soul, identity, and so on. Yet the Knight of Heart is one who has spent so long defying their one, true identity, who could they possibly protect through it? To answer it quick and simple before delving further in, the Knight of Heart would realize that, while they may not particularly enjoy the label, destiny, and identity forced upon them, they will make no progress in life if they continue fighting. Therefore, who is truly stopping them from using it - exploiting this identity of privilege for all it can offer - in order to protect those who are in a far more desperate situation than the Knight? The longer answer is one that will, obviously, go far more in-depth as to why and how the Knight of Heart came to make this conclusion. Let’s dive into that, shall we?

From the complete and utter fallout that the Knight of Heart would encounter - whether it is between friends or family - they would be met with the ultimate, burning question that most, if not all Heart-bound face at many points in their life; is who they are now really the person they want to be? This may take the Knight of Heart a long time to answer, or it may take them only a day or two, but no matter what the end will most likely be the same for many of the Knights of Heart. That answer is no. Being viewed as a heartless, selfish person is not what the Knight of Heart wants, but for many people who have made their own truth of the Knight’s identity and intentions, there is not much the Knight can do in order to fully change their minds. At least, that’s what the Knight of Heart may believe at first - that what’s done is done and there is nothing they can do to fix themself nor how people see them. For some Knights of Heart, this is where they are most likely to throw in the towel, continuing to live a life of confusion and heartbreak for the rest of their years, or at least until they have finally given in to their pre-set identity. For the ones who wish to persist, to prove those people wrong and show that they are more than just what the walls around them will show, they might only take a little while to stew in their feelings before they manage to realize the true solution to their problems.

Rather than succumbing to the expectations of those around them, the Knight can instead take hold of their one true identity and learn how to use it to their advantage. They were given a privilege one way or another, and while they may have tried to push it away, hide from it, separating themself as best as they can. However, all it did was create a wall between them and the blade they are meant to wield - if they even want to take up the opportunity to be a true hero in the first place. While they may still have a few issues with their identity, the strongest of these Knights of Heart are the ones more than willing to lean a little more towards their privilege, if only so that they may protect others. At first, some people may still take this as the Knight trying to make themself look like a noble person. Maybe other people, especially those in authoritative positions, might see them as continuing to try and be rebellious. The only thing that ultimately matters, though, is that the Knight of Heart knows their own intentions are good and pure. They have taken an identity that they swore to never settle on, never make their own, and instead turned it into something they can slice away foes with and protect those in need. In a way, by exploiting this identity, twisting it into a form it was not originally expected to be made into, as well as becoming a protector of those who are not as privileged as them, the Knight of Heart has done exactly what they wanted from the start - they have made their own identity, but still managed to do so with the one already made for them.

The Knight of Heart is one who began their life with many people putting them under scrutiny, placing the Knight into a neat box with four walls closing them in, always being too high for the Knight to ever truly climb over. At first, they would see this as a cage, a box, something meant to keep them quiet and obedient as they marched onward towards a destiny they never even asked for it in the first place. Because of this, the Knight of Heart would grow hatred for the box they were put into, and begin to make a complete mess of their identity - their box. They would punch and kick at the walls, trying to break them down so that they can finally escape it, all the while crafting and perfecting all different types of masks for them to wear when amongst various groups. The Knight of Heart didn’t want to be known as the heir(ess) to a big corporation, the offspring of some famous soul, or the person with more money in their wallet than anyone could ever dream of having. What they really wanted was to be seen as a friend, a guardian, a sibling, a normal person who does good because they want to. For many years, they may succeed in pulling off this facade of just being a normal person, but as many of us know - nothing lasts forever.

It is the reveal of their true, despicable self that would bring on the charge for the Knight of Heart to truly bring about the beginning of their journey. Being discovered as not only someone who has great privilege, but also someone that bears so many masks that the lines between genuine love and theatrical performances becomes blurred. Questions begin to fly, as well as accusations and perhaps even a few punches, and before the Knight of Heart knows it they are placed under the gaze of judgement and scorn once again. “Why?” they may ask themself, “Why can’t I just be happy with who I am?” While these types of questions may bring the Knight quite a lot of grief, pain, and confusion, it is this one simple word that will often be the driving force for why they would continue down the path of their journey. It is these questions of “why” and “who” and “what” that will push them onward, bringing them closer and closer to their ultimate goal of becoming someone worthy to wield their Aspect like that of a shield, so as to protect those who do not have the privilege of walls being fortified around them, or that of a sword, honing in on their Aspect sharply and acutely enough that it has no choice but to become as fine, thin, and deadly as a blade.

The Knights of Heart who protect their Aspect, especially in regards to the threat of it being exploited, are the ones who involve themselves far more in the lives of those around them. Having realized that the walls around them were meant more to protect not only themself, but more specifically their own identity from being taken advantage of by others. While it may have been frustrating and perhaps even downright painful and/or humiliating for the Knight to have realized how foolish they were to believe those walls to be a prison of identity, as long as they stick to their path of self reflection and discovering who they are, then they will come to learn that they are not the only person whose identity is at risk of being exploited and twisted. Not only are they not the only one who is at risk of such a profound, personal danger, but that they have the better mind to be the one who helps to protect those that were not fortunate enough to have those walls around them and their identity. The Knights of Heart who protect their Aspect are the ones willing to become those walls - to shield someone still trying to figure out who they are from any negative outside influence. Some people who knew the Knight before their awakening may be skeptical of their reasoning to protect these people. However, as long as the Knight is loud and makes it be known that they have learned from their mistakes and realized their privilege, deciding to use their wisdom as a means to protect others who need and want it, that is all that truly matters. Someone who has spent so long pretending to be so many different identities at once, only for their stage to come crashing down - it only seems fitting that they would find their own identity amidst trying to help others find their own. That identity is that of a protector and leader, at least for more personal issues.

The Knights of Heart who protect through their Aspect are ones who went on a far more personal journey, and their powers speak greatly of it. They are the ones who saw the devastation brought on by their accidental selfishness, all rooted in their desire to escape those walls - their identity. All this time spent trying to make the perfect identity, the perfect mask, when really they had their answer there all along. Rather than push and hide away from their privilege, they were meant to embrace it in a way that would not only benefit them, but benefit everyone else they cared for and loved. Chances are that it may take the Knight of Heart a long time for them to fully approach their Aspect, as well as their own identity, if only because they still hold some disdain for it. Most Knights have friends there to help support them in removing their facade(s), but not the knight of Heart. They have already put enough stress and brought enough harm to those they love, and so they have dubbed this journey one that they should go on alone. Once they manage to complete their journey - wherein they realize that their privilege and their entire self is something that everyone can benefit from - the Knight of Heart will finally be able to remove their sword from their Heart, being able to wield their soul like that of a weapon. They know how to use their gifts as a way to protect others, and they are more than willing to step in and be the one to do so. Not only that, but they are someone who would most likely be willing to protect through their own physical self, along with their more spiritual and metaphysical one. Because of this possibility, these Knights of Heart might be one of the most dedicated Knights in their efforts of protection and servitude to their friends and allies.

In general, the role of the Knight of Heart is one far more personal and close, especially when it comes to how they interact with their group. As long as someone is willing to forgive the Knight for the wrongs they did in the past, then the Knight would be more than happy and willing to throw themself in between that friend and an enemy if the need were to ever arise. They are the one you can trust in sharing your personal problems and endeavors, especially if it is something that involves your own identity. Despite their track record of living many different lives and identities, it is because of these deceptions that the Knight of Heart is capable of helping others find their way and their own path. They would try to keep their friends and allies on the right path, asking them the same question that they asked themself for many, many nights: is this really who you want to be? Who you want to be remembered as? As long as the other party is willing, then the Knight of Heart will more than happily take these lost and confused souls and bring them under their cape, discussing with them the ins and outs of the soul and how, really, there is no real, substantial, binary way to go about it. Your identity is how you want the world to perceive you, but it’s also how you wish to recognize yourself when you look into the mirror. Not only that, but they are the people who will stand up for those who don’t have a voice, or they will happily give a platform for those people to have voices. When someone they love and/or know can’t protect themself is in trouble, the Knight of Heart will often be the first one to charge in, using themself - in one way or another - as a way to protect those in need. If given a chance, whether it it is the first or even fourth time, the Knight of Heart is someone who can prove themself to be not only a great friend, but a truly dedicated and witty protector.

#Knight #Knight of Heart #Homestuck #Hiveswap #Knight of Heart Analysis #Heart Aspect #Noble November #Heart

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atrayo · 3 years

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Channeled Angelic Wisdom of the Jewels of Truth Series and Favorite Quotes of the Month of September

Hello All,

I always have the bad habit of waiting until the tail end of the month to make a channeled angelic entry here to Atrayo's Oracle. Since I'm also a PC gamer I'm also tied into enjoying the retail release of Amazon's Game Studio of New World come this Sept. 28th. I'll be gaming with my online gamer community of 17 years now that I've been a member of online. They're called "The Older Gamers" one has to be over the age of 25 yrs old to become a member. I'll be the guild leader for the US/EU branch on an East Coast North American server. (shameless gamer plug)

Tonight's trio of Jewels of Truth statements is channeled angelic wisdom, metaphysics, and mysticism. On the topics of a Multi-Dimensional Soul where I channel a historical figure named Josephus the old. Next, there is To Be the I Am which dispels one of the pet peeves I hear often in New Age circles. Where innocently someone remarks we're born into this reality just to learn and grow like this realm is an elementary school for souls. I roll my eyes when I hear this due to my cultivated relationship as an angelic channeler via claircognizance. (claircognizance is the psychic ability to channel knowledge and wisdom beyond one's lifetime.)

Lastly, the final topic is a zinger on two counts! It's titled the Younger Dominions of God. Where not unlike the metaphysical author of Neal Donald Walsch of "Conversations with God" a famous book series. I also channel this statement from God him/her/itself, which I've done on past occasions. This topic blew my mind when it flashed before my mind's eye as an inspiration. Basically, our Creation and the afterlife of heaven and hell are the godly early forms of the Supreme God of all gods Absolute. Meaning these are the terrible two's, tween years, and teenage raging hormone years on a human equalivent scale of God itself.

The Creator, Sustainer, and Destroyer of Macro Supreme Realities dimensionally speaking. These realms of ours of the endless Infinite hells, Creation (ie our Meta-Universe), and the Majestic Heavens are the stratification of the evolutionary growth of God in a meta sense if compared to maturation. These realms astral or otherwise are the goldilocks years of God(dess) akin to a nursery for all souls, angelic kind, including elder angels. As the lesser deities of countless faiths or dead religions as mythologies to us in our modernity.

Before I go too deep on the topic allow me to just write down the channeling from the Creator him/her/itself.

Also, a shout out to Tessa Luna Lluvia my original online mentor as an expert psychic-medium. She's kindly listed my books of the Jewels of Truth Series on her website. (bottom 8th row of the book listings)

As always no matter if these topics seem too fringe for your imaginations and spiritual belief systems. Allow them to just kindly expand your horizons of the immense grandeur of God Everlasting. Amen.

Multi-Dimensional Souls

3081) Here are the many fields of splendor possible within the grasp of the human condition by far. Nay beyond humanity itself can this spectrum of countless possibilities co-exist to exemplify all lifeforms in unison as Children of a Living God(dess). What I "Josephus the Old" will explain is that the godly soul of all spiritual beings when incarnated experiences a buffer of contrasts when alive on Earth.

For example, when a person commits wrongdoing as grotesque evils. That reincarnated soul as an individual entity has siphoned poorly from the evils metaphysically from the godless Hells, hereto unknown to humanity. Again another primitive example is a godly pious person of righteousness does good in the world without seeking high praises of whatnots. That individual spiritual entity of God has channeled the God Blessed Heavens robustly and directly upon this Earth. Whether this happens unwittingly or not.

The final example is whether a person is neutral and allows good or evil to flourish without personal involvement regardless of what occurs. Such a soul enters into a form of Limbo upon the world swayed easily without guile or reservation as a direct cause and effect. Akin to a sub-set of Karma upon the earth reality sphere of governing elements metaphysically.

The trio of the fates as conundrums of paradoxical fits and starts are prevailing winds of the afterlife set upon all mortal kind be it human or otherwise as creatures. With direct inputs and outputs upon the world and the meta-universes be they cosmic or of a metaphysical unholy/neutral/holy matrix of experiences as existential realities go.

To this end do not allow the oversimplification of these crude examples to paint only a black, gray, and white picture as a canvas of these meta-realities. There is a relativistic spectrum of contrasts akin to manifold kaleidoscopes of endless pigments of possibilities. As configurations of good, neutrality, and evil encompass universally as archetypes of behavior in all lesser Universes combined!

We have exhausted our range or scope of expressions without first mentioning as all souls are in the One Supreme Loving Image and Likeness of God. Denotes all Souls as a united continuum are multifaceted dimensionally as metaphysical entities before being people with physical bodies with an aura upon your current age or eon of your Earth.

As God(dess) is everything as Omni-Present denotes your souls in God are also everywhere God is forever. No matter you as the lesser children of God realize this in your global religions or not. It makes your magicks work as expressions of divinity constantly. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo. (Channeled Source Entity of Josephus the Old.)

To Be the I Am:

3083) Many in New Age spiritual circles inquire from fellow advanced participants and elders what is Life? Most respond with confidence that it is a school for young souls to evolve and grow further. This canned response is only partially true, however, it is incomplete in its scope of a response generically.

Life and Death as contrasting phenomena are far richer than such a one-dimensional interpretation of our spiritual unified reality with God(dess), and the Heavenly Host Infinitely meets at large always and forever. There are actually seven dimensions of spiritual being, if not more overall as archetypes of a universal basis of our united divinity with God(dess).

For Instance, the aforementioned scope of Life as a school is true but as one dimension so as to learn and grow as eternal souls having a human experience. Next in no particular order of grace of any of these roles is to Love like God(dess) and the Angels. Unconditionally in moderation so as to avoid fanaticism or zealotry as obsessive traits of passion and/or of true love.

Next comes to be of Service in moderation not necessarily as a selfless saint or angel that lives to extremes. However, to cultivate humanity or divinity on Earth with mutual compassion and empathy for those in need or of want. To serve in a volunteer capacity versus being employed in commercial industries denotes a deeper form of caring.

To be just as civilized and law-abiding or hospitable in the world. Followed closely with having a noble personality of character as benevolent in the human-divine holy nature like God and the Angels in the endless Heavens.

Next is to create or destroy like God in the universe. If destroy is too strong a negative connotation then let it be to uproot, erase, or recycle like God at the human micro-scale of being alive. As God(dess) is the Creator, Sustainer, and Destroyer of macro realities en masse by Infinite scales and over the corridor of eternities.

The last two dimensional roles go hand in hand as fellowship or socialization with positive impacts of compassionate norms be it caring for one another as God has cared for each of us. Lastly to worship Inclusively like God(dess) as an unceasing with positive moderation with mutual respect and adoration to positive foreign beliefs and other cultural traditions of God in our shared world. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

Younger Dominions of God:

3080) To the one that reads these simple words come away with a wider understanding of what "I am that I am" is as the Constant Creator, God of all Totalities United! What "I am" is not simple but complex beyond human total comprehension. So in childish terms of "I am" is utilized all around for all levels of basic comprehension as my living beautiful souls.

What you call as Creation as a meta-construct of reality as the Universe(s), Galaxies, Solar Systems, etc... This is merely one of my countless younger expressions of my Ultimate Majestic godly nature, fully seeped upon material physicality and so much greater yet still.

What humanity denotes as the afterlife of Hell as the underworld. The neutral reality of metaphysical limbo or purgatory as either a realm of heightened enlightenment or for the uninitiated as numbing detachment as apathy. With the stupendous exalted Heavens are all grade school versions of my adolescent corpus of my total Supreme Creation as the Absolute Self.

The Infinite and timeless Hells, Limbos, Creations, and Heavens are each stratum of my youthful forms of expressions. As the Creator, Sustainer, and Destroyer of cosmic and ethereal realms of pure totalities of "I am" essence and personified substances. For To Be the I am that I am as the God of all gods plural in a Supreme Fashion has other greater dominions of realism. Each by far beyond the rudimentary tenure of my youth as the Hells, Limbos, Creation(s), and the Heavens can contain forever as my meta corpus.

For example, every dominion where good, neutrality, and evil are located is a moot point having never existed prior. There is no such power struggle of contrasts of differences. A Uni-polar reality versus a multi-polar existence of Principles that tranquility reigns constantly. Only in the realms of my godly youth does contrast stand out in stark terms of the illusion of a good versus evil approach as an eternal useless struggle.

In my youth like environs of ethereal and otherwise physical existence goes. That my younger created lesser children such as humanity and other permutations of my infinity of expressions. Truly mirror my existential struggles of archaic yesterdays as eternities of long ago. I have matured far greater and this creates, sustains, and destroys for another set of challenges and opportunities elsewhere in my Meta-Verse of cosmic and ethereal Superiority as the Apex God of all gods. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo. (Channeled Source as God(dess)

You can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in. ---Junot Diaz.

Nature is not a place to visit, It is home. ---Gary Snyder.

Grace is the ability to redefine the boundaries of possibility. ---Manning Marable.

One of life's most fulfilling moments occurs in the split-second when the familiar is suddenly transformed into the dazzling aura of the profoundly new. ---Edward B. Lindaman.

What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing: it also depends on what sort of person you are. ---C.S. Lewis.

Ivan "Atrayo" Pozo-Illas, has devoted 26 years of his life to the pursuit of clairaudient Inspired automatic writing channeling the Angelic host. Ivan is the author of the spiritual wisdom series of "Jewels of Truth" consisting of 3 volumes published to date. He also channels conceptual designs that are multi-faceted for the next society to come that are solutions based as a form of dharmic service. Numerous examples of his work are available at "Atrayo's Oracle" blog site of 16 years plus online. You're welcome to visit his website "Jewelsoftruth.us" for further information or to contact Atrayo directly.

#Jewels of Truth #Atrayo's Oracle #Ivan Pozo-Illas #Angels #God #Josephus #psychic #channeler #spirit guides #spiritual teacher #spiritualwisdom #spirituality #metaphysics #mysticism #To Be the I am #Multi-dimensional Souls #Younger Dominions of God

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auspiciousinformant · 3 years

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Core Character Ranking - No Straight Roads

At this point with the game having been out for well over four and a half months, I figure that with having a small piece of fiction under my belt, and with the fandom having cooled down from the initial release but still hot enough for content to steadily be coming out from the fanbase, now is a good time for me to share my thoughts on No Straight Roads - rather, what I call the Core Characters of No Straight Roads.

I call them this because they are the collective protagonist main characters and antagonistic bosses - not filling up one bucket or another quite satisfactory. I might even make this into a series if anyone cares enough to hear my thoughts on other pieces of fiction. If you’re interested, continue below the line.

Oh, also, spoilers for No Straight Roads if you still care about that.

Disclaimer before continuing onwards - I’ve never actually played No Straight Roads! I’m not exactly a person with enough wealth to throw at my own interests and hobbies, but I feel I’ve absorbed enough through culture osmosis, 100% walkthroughs of the game, and other people’s interpretations of the game to be able to make my own informed opinions on the characters.

Also, this isn’t a “bosses” ranking list - this is a character ranking list. Meaning that individuals are going to be ranked rather than the whole. For example, Sayu will be divided into the four members behind Sayu (hereafter refered to as “Team Sayu”) as well as Sayu herself. This also means I won’t fully go on the gameplay mechanics as I don’t have enough experience with it to make a fully informed decision. I will talk about what I’ve seen though.

With that in mind, we’ll be starting as all of these lists usually do, from the bottom ranking to the top: ________________________________________________________________ 20. Eve

Now, this may come as a shock, but I absolutely despise divas. Eve was entertaining enough, but through her videos she was only relatable and likable to me before she and Zuke broke up. Mostly because I could relate with her self-loathing and her found happiness.

Still... setting someone’s hair on fire? And then being confused as to why that happened? Then completely blaming the victim and using that mistake as fuel to shut out any other potential kindred relationship for the future? I’ve seen people who do that; it’s pathetic at best and annoying to see at worst. Thankfully, due to Zuke, she does eventually come around.

Her music and boss fight are interesting enough I suppose. I like how the perspective changes and I adore when you have to switch over to Mayday and it becomes a fully chaotic mess of limbs, doubt, hatred, and rage. I live for that chaotic aesthetic.

Otherwise, she’s just... the weakest character to me in No Straight Roads.

Maybe she’ll Eve-ntually earn my respect in supplementary materials. ________________________________________________________________ 19. Sofa

The first member of Team Sayu I’m mentioning and he’s this low on the list. Ouch. Not to say that I hate him, the hate started and ended with Eve - he, along with the others don’t really have much of a personality canonically that I can see to judge him on. But in terms of his design, I’ve never been much of a fan of “overweight and silly” outside of Doctor Eggman/

Do not take this the wrong way. I am in NO way fatshaming ANYONE.

I just have never liked that design in fictional characters. See Hifumi Yamada from “Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc” for more on what I mean

Still, he’s a core member of Team Sayu and from the fanfiction I’ve read he’s one of the better characters to write with. Maybe if we got a spinoff or other related materials, he’d go up a few numbers in rank, but as it stands, he’s the weakest of the group.

Sofa-r so good, let’s move on before these puns go too far. ________________________________________________________________ 18. Mayday Yeah. I’m not a huge fan of Mayday herself. Hotheaded protagonists are fine here and there, but she’s so hot-headed I’m surprised that she didn’t have the fire aesthetic as well. I guess with it all being taken by Tatiana, they could only give her a warm color scheme so it wasn’t redundant.

Her gameplay seems fine, if a bit basic. The heavy hitter is also a hothead, who could guess. I kinda like how someone as scrawny and small as her also has the biggest heart and temper. Also the gags that come from her relating to the other bosses are hysterical and make for good protagonist material. Still, outside of her interaction with DK West, Zuke, and Team Sayu, as well as the very end of the game, there’s a lack of enough “heroic” traits that makes Mayday fall flat from just shy of ranking higher.

I don’t have a clever pun, joke, or one-liner for Mayday, so let’s go to the next person in my list. ________________________________________________________________ 17. DJ Subatomic Supernova I have never really liked disco or dance music at the best of times, but I love space. So what happens when you mix something I feel lukewarm to, something I absolutely adore, and combine it with a trait about a person I absolutely also despise?

You get space helmet man who likes fresh ice cream and goes on for minutes about how great he is and how everyone else around him are plebeians - not knowing how pretentious the stage name “Subatomic Supernova” is.

If I had made this list when I had first seen No Straight Roads, he’d be only just ahead of Eve just because I dislike her so much more than I hate egotism of DJ Subatomic Supernova. But he’s now gone higher on the list since he’s grown on me thanks to the fandom and me realizing the game is parodying the stereotypes and the industry of music. Also, Zuke’s drum solo is AMAZING with the EDM version of DJ SS’s theme. He’s even gone so far as to become half of my second favorite paring in the NSR fandom!

Shine on, you funky space man. ________________________________________________________________

16. DK West Ewah! Older of the two brothers by age, younger of the two by maturity. I absolutely love this goofball. His shadow powers are absolutely amazing to watch and while I normally don’t like rap outside of Eminem (and even then only select tracks), he grew on me a lot. He’s so unique and the culture he’s based on from what I understand was researched with a lot of respect and care.

I’ve heard (and seen) that the third fight ramps up the difficulty way too much, but considering that Mayday is attempting to repair a broken household, it makes sense it’d be such a heavy undertaking from a gameplay and story point.

Also DK West Encounter 1 is a smash hit, telling us everything we really need to know between DK West and Zuke while being an absolutely great song that reminds me of Epic Rap Battles of History for anyone that remembers that.

He overshadows his previous competition by a large margin, and I can’t wait to see more of him if that’s possible. ________________________________________________________________ 15. Yinu’s Mom As the real mastermind behind Yinu’s position in NSR, it suddenly makes so much sense as to why a literal child is in such a strict EDM hierarchy like NSR. What keeps her from going above and beyond this ranking isn’t anything more than just the pressure she puts on Yinu to perform. During the fight, and what I can only presume also happens outside of concerts in the universe of No Straight Roads, it seems like she entirely forgets the reason Yinu keeps playing the piano in the first place.

However, I am a huge sucker for family dynamics, and her stopping her assault due to the memories that Yinu was able to drag out of her through the broken piano by playing Heart of the Prodigy is enough to almost enough for me to reach the level of emotional catharsis as the ending of Pixar’s “Inside Out” did for me. And the way she shielded Yinu when they were falling, the gasp of fear that she might not survive the fall - just pure, amazing storytelling through “show, don’t tell”.

I will say, the more morbid part of me that enjoys things like Danganronpa, Your Turn To Die, and Nonary Games, had the thought of “if it weren’t for the fact that Mayday and Zuke also fell from that height and survived (and that this game is meant for younger audiences), Yinu would have became an orphan.”

Mother of the Year award goes to Yinu’s mom for being the most realistic, sympathetic, non-dead mom in fiction. ________________________________________________________________ 14. Yinu I love classical music, but I don’t really like children. Yinu is an exception to my general dislike of children. The promotion that was released before the game was a little eye-rolling, but it was also funny. Fortunately, in the game, Yinu is so much more mature and interesting than the promotional material lead us to believe. The way the piano plays plays in the base version of VS Yinu conveys just how talented she is at nine years old. It’s a shame that it slowly gets covered up by the EDM version as the battle goes on.

But her reasoning for playing the piano, through the photos you get from Yinu’s backstory is all the more reason to respect this literal child. She turned the loss of her music teacher and father into a shining passion for music. The piano being the very memento of her deceased dad - looking at the photos and then realizing what you did in shattering her piano creates a fantastic retroactive look at just how destructive Bunkbed Junction’s revolution really is to people.

We’re not even half-way down the list, and yet we already have great characters like this, so let’s keep looking. ________________________________________________________________ 13. Dodo There’s been a huge gap since the last Team Sayu member. So what makes Dodo so great compared to Sofa? Well, the deep voice that comes from the scrawny, blue man is funny to me. It caught me off-guard the first time I heard it and had me giggling for hours afterwards after I paused the video to regain my composure.

That, and mocap work is hard work. On top of that, though he’s mostly not the face everyone remembers when fans think of Sayu, it takes a lot of talent and self-confidence to dance like a cutesy mermaid despite being a male, at least in my opinion. So I see him as having high confidence, but also being like Zuke in the “chill and mostly quiet” department.

There’s not much else for me to say, since most of Team Sayu doesn’t have blatantly obvious character traits. So let’s move on. ________________________________________________________________ 12. Sayu Sayu herself is... well, not real. It’s like trying to judge any number of the Vocaloid/UTAU voice banks. Sure you can place any number of personalities and messages into it, but in reality she’s just been built as a “cutsie, wootsie, pink mermaid” idol.

Still, the personality that Team Sayu gives her is fantastic. Her fight is annoying, and lackluster even to watch, but her song is amazing in all of its forms, even if for me the vaporwave version is the least effective of all of them - and Analog Aquatics is the BEST lead-up song to it, even ahead of Heart of the Prodigy.

Hatsune Miku? Who’s that? I only see Sayu as the best Vocaloid. ________________________________________________________________ 11. Remi Technically the creator of Sayu in the first place and her designer, Remi seems to be the “all according to plan” type. To think that his passion for art would lead to a career such as NSR, and a close-knit friend group like Team Sayu. It’s something that I’m sure that every artist has had as their goal at one point or another.

I highly respect anyone with the ability to put their artwork out in public, both in real life and as a character. Even so, there are characters I like even beyond Remi, and once again, we don’t have much to go off of for him outside of the very few times we see him in Sayu’s battle.

Almost all of Team Sayu has been covered at this point - heck, even Sayu herself has already been covered. So where’s Tila you ask? Well, we’ll get to that, but not for a while. ________________________________________________________________ 10. Tatiana “Kul Fyra” Qwartz From the very moment we first hear her voice, we can tell she’s all business and order. When we watch all of NSR reject the rock music outright and listen to Tatiana’s speech afterwards? How she seems to disregard her artists own safety and prioritizing undermining Bunkbed Junction’s efforts just because she can’t bear to remember her old bandmates? Wonderfully selfish for a heartbroken character.

Also, for those who hate her time-oriented powers and how weakly linked they are to Tatiana herself? Consider this: She’s almost 50 years old by the time Bunkbed Junction starts their revolution. She’s lived long enough to be anyone in the cast’s mom - probably even old enough to be Team Sayu and Yinu’s grandma. She has only seen a progressive march of time erode at everything she ever loved and cared about.

The blazing passion within her is brought back to her through Bunkbed Junction’s actions, but through a reversal of time and a reflection of her memories. Bunkbed Junction literally shatters the world view that she constructed for herself to ignore the regret and pain that had been slowly eating her up inside without her ever even having fully realized it in the first phase. By the time Tatiana reverts back to using her Kul Fyra form, she’s trying so hard to list any number of reasons to ignore her past and focus on what little time she actually has left to work on the future.

This was a bit of a longer explanation and reasoning, but for a character as amazing and symbolically complex as Tatiana, she absolutely deserves it. And as you’ll see for the next character, this is only a fraction of my love for the characters of No Straight Roads. ________________________________________________________________9. Neon J And here we start with my absolutely favorite characters, the ones I not only enjoy reading and writing about, but that in canon I can wholeheartedly accept them for who they are, flaws and all.

My grandpa was in the navy, and to make a long story short there were some complicated things that happened that required me to live with both him and my grandma when I was really little. So already there’s something that I can latch onto and adore. Even with how cringy Neon J is at the end with him attempting to try to give an epic war hero speech, my grandpa can be the same way sometimes, and that’s okay. They kind of act similarly outside of that as well.

His design is so sleek and smooth, and sometimes I forget that he’s actually a cyborg, unlike his sons boyband creations. Normally I hate the military, war, and what it all represents at a cynical level, but when it’s portrayed in a way like No Straight Roads did for Neon J and 1010, it reminds me of the people who actually join to serve their country and the people in it, despite how few in their countries actually deserve their respect.

And yeah, I can already hear the “blah blah fiction is poorly portraying law enforcement/the military because ect ect”. I disagree. Think of it this way: Neon J is a fun example of what a leader in a military unit is. Not only that, he’s extremely loyal and willing to do what it takes to get the job done - including having a program inside 1010 that makes them explode when they fail to generate the requisite fan praise that’s likely required to keep 1010 merchandise flying off of the shelves and thus prove to the other NSR artists that even robot boybands can be used to help Vinyl City; AND use said robot boyband as weapons to fight off any threats - internal or external.

Also think about what he had to go through to become a cyborg. That means he likely had to replace everything that’s on the surface - imagine what he needed to replace underneath all of that metal. How much of his original body is left? How badly did the war he was involved in hurt him? How many comrades did he lose to try to recreate that feel in a boyband? Aren’t the implications of that so much more grand than the surface level “radar head man is bad representation of military people because he’s silly and ineffective at his job”. Furthermore, tell me of a person in the real world who lost so much of their body they literally had to become a cyborg that has a literal radar for a head.

On top of all of that he’s the second half of my second favorite pairing. Not that is has any major bearing on how great Neon J already is. Is it silly that Neon J tries to give a huge speech at the end when we know Bunkbed Junction is just trying to get to Tatiana? Yes. But it’s fun.

I salute the No Straight Roads team for creating such an amazing character . ________________________________________________________________8. Blue 1010 Robot | Purl-Hew Ah yes, now we start getting to what’s taking up most of the top 10 slots. Kind of funny that not all of the 1010 members are going into the top 5 slots with how much I ranted and raved about Neon J. But I have characters I like way more than most of the 1010 band members.

And yes, I’ll bring this up now since we’re actually talking about 1010, that will apply to all the members of 1010 so I don’t have to repeat myself: I already know that they’re meant to parody boy bands, pop bands, and how similar all of them are and ect ect ect. That doesn’t stop me from going “hee hoo pretty boys” at fictional characters. And, yes, I know they don’t canonically have names, but I’m going with what’s been accepted across the fandom. Also all of their body types are the same: I like them alot. They’re tall, in monochrome (hah, chrome), and the way they bob to the beat in their battle is fantastic and shows they are powered by music as much as any machine is in the universe of No Straight Roads.

Starting off with my least favorite of them, Purl-Hew just reminds me of Garnet from “Steven Universe”, which is not a bad thing. It’s just that outside of what we learn of Garnet, she’s a character I often forget exists. I think it’s honestly the shades and the blue, more square-like hair that makes me draw the comparison. Purl-Hew strikes me as the “cool” one. The one that recites his poetry in coffee shops and is the sensitive boy with a cold exterior. You know the kind of person I’m talking about.

Other than that, I like the 1010 branding on the side of his head. I normally don’t like hairstyles like that, but somehow with how it flows and how non-obnoxious it is, I actually find myself liking the hairstyle. Also coupled with the fact that I see him as the second eldest of all five of them, who likely cemented an identity for himself before the others, makes me like his entirety even more.

A cool dude deserves a cool transition, but since this isn’t a video, a line break will have to do. ________________________________________________________________7. Red 1010 Robot | Zimelu Zimelu is one of the ones that strikes me as the one that’s borderline trying to break free from the rest of the band and become his own artist. The mowhawk, the color red, even to what he’s likely supposed to represent in-universe. Many see him as having anger issues, and considering what 1010 is about coupled with, again the hair style and his color, yeah I can see why.

But I also see him having a somewhat tsundere side. Not overtly fully tusndere as “I-It’s not like I like you or anything!” but more of a “Hey, I got you [insert favorite food] to eat. Don’t read too much into it.” while looking off to the side to avoid seeing your reaction just because he’s not sure if he can handle the thought of him possibly being wrong and then seeing you be disappointed kind of tsundere.

I don’t see a lot of peices of work exploring this concept, and I’d love to see more of it - or heck, even other personality traits that could be lying under the rebellious design of him.

I see him as the middle child of the group, which could also add to the rebellious personality and anger issues. Not sure if anyone agrees with me on this though. ________________________________________________________________6. Yellow 1010 Robot | Haym Okay, so this is a bit weird. Haym is my second least favorite in terms of design, but third favorite because he’s supposed to be the sunny, shy, and sweet one. I see him as the second youngest of all of the 1010 members. Old enough to have experience and understand his purpose, but young enough to retain that childhood-like innocence and sweetness.

I think he’s content about his place in 1010. It’s not that he would slack off or anything, but he’d be the most comfortable with his identity out of all five of them, even years down the line. Where Purl-Hew has to upkeep his identity, Haym is fine just being who he is and happy that the crowd accepts him for who he is.

Also him saying “even your lips, which form that raaaaadiant smile~” made me smile like an idiot and my heart flutter when I first saw him - and don’t even get me started on his pose when he was saying that. So that probably has at least some bearing on his placement in this list. ________________________________________________________________5. Green 1010 Robot | Eloni Haym was weird for me to admit I still don’t fully like his design, but Eloni’s design is actually worse for me. I still don’t like the fact he looks like you could hang him on a Christmas tree or a keychain and not be out of place there. But as I learned more - especially the part where in-universe he’s the least-liked because he’s the prankster type, my heart melted for the guy.

While I myself am not a prankster or a fan of prankster types, sympathetic characters that are generally unliked in-universe for something minor or not their fault is something that will always get me to love a character. There’s also a lot of great fanfiction out there for Eloni, playing with the idea of jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, and the resulting love and support that inevitably follows from a strong supporting family.

Also, I see him as the youngest, and likely the one who thought it’d be a good idea to give everyone reindeer heads for the Christmas event instead of whatever was originally planned. The fans probably loved it anyways, even better than what was originally planned, but never knew it was Eloni’s messing around that gave them the toy-soldier-with-reindeer-heads 1010.

Second best 1010 boy deserves to be in the top 5 for all of this and more. ________________________________________________________________4. Tila Tila? You mean the one girl who only goes “pyun” a few times? The only one of Team Sayu that has any voice lines that are more than sobs, grunts, tremoring fear, and sounds of triumph?

Yes. That character. You want to know why?

First, lets start with her design. She wears an oversized hoodie and glasses - already two things I can relate to. The color contrast is just perfect between her hair, skin, and hoodie. Her design alone to me screams “high-functioning introvert”.

Her one line? Going “pyun” a few times? Absolutely adorable. I wanted to hear her say more lines, and the delivery of them being so uncertain filtered through a microphone to not come out that way as Sayu? She is definitely the shy one of the four of them. Also let’s not forget she’s Sayu’s voice actress in universe. Meaning that VS Sayu is something that Tila is singing.

Also, in the background material for Sayu, she’s the one that apologizes for using Remi’s art for one of her songs, and starts the collaboration with all four members of Team Sayu. It’s her story we follow. Not any of the other four members, though Remi does actually say something.

Though we don’t get much else of her, which prevents her from taking a spot in my top 3 picks, if we got just a little bit more from her, I’d definitely bump her to 3rd, maybe even let her take 1st. As it stands, compared to the rest of Team Sayu and Sayu herself, top 5 is nothing to sneeze at. ________________________________________________________________3. Kliff “No one like’s Kliff! He’s evil and bad!”

I mostly disagree with that statement, politely of course. Does no one like him? Seems that way in the fandom, but I like him. Is he evil? Yes, most certainly. Is he “bad”? Well, what’s the context of bad in this case? A bad plot-twist? A bad character? A bad guide? Not really. Well, except for the last part, possibly, but even then he’s still serviceable.

I mean take into context that Tatiana is Kul Fyra. On a first viewing, after having fought so many people after first meeting Kliff, most people would have forgotten that he, like Mayday, also likes Kul Fyra and was even there for her concerts. People who have insane memory would remember it, but for the rest of us, it probably came as a shock that Kliff would send a satellite into the NSR tower.

But he’s a fan that put Kul Fyra on a pillar, just like Mayday. He’d hoped that rock artists would get her back into rock music, to reignite the fire in her, so that he could enjoy her music again. He even says that he’s still her fan. He questions Tatiana “did my loyalty mean nothing to you?”.

And while yes, she didn’t technically owe him anything, the way that Tatiana shoots Kliff down so coldly after all of his attempts and his waiting - after she shut herself away from any potential future differing opinions and banning rock so she couldn’t remember the heartache - he snaps.

I’m not saying that Kliff was right, or that his reaction was fully justified. But imagine him saying he’ll be the strategic planner of NSR - after all, it was thanks to him that Mayday and Zuke got as far as they did. They knew what was coming ahead of time due to his advice. Mayday and Zuke would just be figureheads. It would be entirely realistic, and not make Kliff entirely evil.

Still, with all the hypotheticals out of the way, having an entirely selfish twist villain like Kliff was amazing. When you go through the entire story knowing how it will end on a second playthrough, suddenly his motives and what he says makes so much more sense.

I want to see (or maybe someday I’ll write) a redemption arc for Kliff. He’s not so fargone that I’d write him off as another villain for the sake of evil, but it would take actual work and effort. It’s something I look forwards to seeing in the far future.

Though he is also fun to see as an antagonist in all of these stories I read about him. ________________________________________________________________2. Zuke On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d rank Zuke an 11. From his design, to his animations, to his background, his voice, his lines - everything is an 11/10 for me.

Starting with design again, normally I’d dislike the major contrast such a saturated green against a saturated blue. But there’s other bits in Zuke’s design - his red eyes, the fact that his clothing is a good neutral base to draw away from the chaos of colors of his head - only to lead back into what looks like ultra-comfortable blue-and-green flannel with dark blue flats? It all screams the perfect chill dude to hang out with.

His personality matches too. He’s laid-back, wise, rational, humble, and kind. Almost the perfect man in every way. Though he has his limits, especially when it comes to DK West, and he’s not always the most intelligent at times. Sometimes he takes a minute to put two-and-two together, especially when he’s under pressure and nervous.

And his drumsticks being used as a walking cane when he’s not battling, admitting that it’s NSR property - recognizing that NSR itself is not bad, it just needs change. He doesn’t generally talk smack unless, again, it’s DK West. He probably says less than Mayday does out of the two, but I wasn’t counting. I was just thankful that he was talking at all, attempting to be the voice of reason in situations, telling Eve he was wrong for leaving so suddenly (even though he’s not at fault for his hair being set on fire), reconciling with DK West after Mayday gets them to talk about their feelings to each other - he experiences the most growth over the longest period of time.

In fact, it feels like we’re witnessing Zuke’s entire story through the eyes of Mayday. Sure, Mayday has a stake in the conflict, and a small bit of growth, but none nearly so much as the jolly green giant between them. Heck, he’s so good that he made DJ Subatomic Supernova’s music actually sound good.

If this wasn’t enough, he’s also one half of my favorite pairing. Where’s the other half? Where he belongs of course. ________________________________________________________________1. White 1010 Robot | Rin Look guys, my favorite character of No Straight Roads is finally here. Let me be the ideal fan and give him my utmost attention.

ATTENTION!

Hoo boy have I been waiting to talk about Rin! His design is the one that I love the most despite how simple and obviously pandering it is. I mean come on, he’s got the kind of hairstyle that just screams “typical emo/scene/goth/pop leader” without the sweeping bit of hair in front of the eye like Haym’s or other emo/scene/goth hair styles. He has no unique colors to himself (white and black are technically not colors). Heck, as a robot meant to parody pop/boybands, he technically should be the most bland and uninteresting part of 1010.

But that’s where you’d be wrong. Rin is the one who leads the flirting attempt against Mayday. Rin is the one who is focused on the most of all the 1010 members when the cutscenes play. Rin is the one who’s talking the most in the promotional video for 1010 and No Straight Roads. Even though Zimelu takes up most of the spot in the in-game photo op, Rin is the second most noticable. In the “wefies” the 1010 members make in the promotional video, Rin is front and center.

Rin is the poster child. Meaning he has the most mounting on him of all the members of 1010. And this can manifest in any number of interesting character traits. I’ve already written an (as of posting this review) three chapter fanfic on Rin and his dynamic with not only the other half of my favorite pairing, but also his dynamic with Neon J, and how both Zuke and Neon J view Rin - through what I perceive how Rin actually feels and acts when he’s not on stage.

I could probably do an entire 20 minute review on why Rin is the single-best character of No Straight Roads, both in and out of canon, but I don’t have the tools for it. And as a side note, the guitar solo that Mayday can play over the song is the single-best of all the guitar solos, the second being the one against Yinu - and that deep passion for 1010 is reflected well in the guitar solo.

Zuke may be an 11/10, but Rin is a perfect 10/10 - and I wouldn’t have it any other way . ________________________________________________________________Afterwords Finally, after an entire 4 hours of writing, I’d like to hear your thoughts on all of this, if you’ve made it this far.

What did you agree and disagree with? Feel free to comment if you want.

As for me, I think I’ll continue to browse the work of the fandom, keep an ear out for any future updates or sequels, and rock on with the amazing soundtrack of No Straight Roads jamming loudly in my ears.

Rock on fellow No Straight Roads fans! Or whatever genre you prefer to listen to.

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bbq-hawks-wings · 4 years

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Yes, cowboy Hawks.

I meant what I said; but before you prep that straight jacket to haul me away let me explain. This has no real bearing on the series or the character whatsoever - this is practically headcanon space. I don’t mean he’s literally a cowboy that’s silly; but as I look around at the depictions and interpretations of Hawks in fanfiction and AU the flavor never quite matches the version of him I have in my head. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why. Understandably, common aesthetics that come to mind for most when thinking of Hawks is urban/metropolitan in nature - sneakers, hip hop, penthouses, street food, modern fashion, etc. I’d even argue that it’s a take truer to character than mine.

So why, when left alone, is my subconscious bombarded with images of leather jackets; dusty, worn-in boots; gravel roads; and open wilderness to the tune of a steel-string acoustic guitar on the porch when I consider a non-hero, in-his-element version of Keigo Takami? Then it hit me.

I saw him as a version of “The Drifter” trope archetype. Hear me out and then see if you can call me crazy:

***

A stranger rolls into a community just small enough to notice when a stranger rolls in. While this is normally uneventful, especially as he claims he's just passing through on his way to another job and can't stay long anyway, the content of this character is a little too much to ignore. He's jovial and sociable, if not a tad irreverent - a good bit of fun for the evening over a game and a drink - but all conversations and prodding about his background hits a solid wall past a shallow, vagueness to the answers he offers; and no attempt to establish solid ties sticks before he can casually shrug it off and pretend it never happened. Small but noteworthy skills get noticed by those observant enough to see them for what they are - such as knowing the right, obscure fact for a specialized job or a task completed with a confidence and dexterity that only comes from years of practice and training. Who is this stranger?

And then disaster strikes - conflict foreign to this place arises, but he handles it, if not without effort, with a steady, level-headed air about him; and when the threat is faced and passes folks take notice that he's no stranger to turmoil like this. In fact, judging by the steel in his gaze as he stares down the outside threat followed by a brief flash of guilt and self-admonishment across his face after it passes - as if he recognized them from some prior encounter and should have anticipated this event - and it ages him with the weight of something unknown but too heavy for someone so young to bear.

Almost immediately after, he returns to his amicable self - or maybe a persona, we now realize? - and he suddenly and conveniently determines it's the right time to move on to greener pastures somewhere over the horizon. Those who recognize this for what it is worry and offer assistance if possible, but he nonchalantly turns it down and denies any threat or danger he could possibly be in and claims he just isn't the kind of guy to be tied down or inconvenience others. He knows the closer and more involved with him he lets them get, the more tangled they’ll get in this dark web until they, too, are unable to escape unharmed.

After all, if they knew what he knew it would put them in far more trouble than they could imagine; and the thought of the blood of these good folks on his hands is too much for his conscience to bear. It's better this way if he just bears it alone. If he's lucky, someday this dark cloud will disappear and he’ll be able to roam or take root as he pleases; or he’ll get lucky in the other direction and drag it kicking and screaming down into hell with him where it’ll stay for good.

***

Now that may sound a lot like the first act of basically every "mysterious stranger" Western in history, but correct me if I'm wrong in saying that it shares eerie similarities to the way Hawks was introduced from the audience’s perspective in the manga with the JP Hero Billboards, High End fight, and resolution in chapter in 192.

I blame my upbringing for this interpretation - I grew up in the American West, regularly visiting my family in rural New Mexico, constantly surrounded by “Wild West” iconography across the stretch between California and New Mexico thanks to the circles my family rode in, and living with an older father who watched numerous types of classic Western movies and TV shows as I grew up.

Basically I love cowboys, and The Drifter/Haunted Stranger/Flying Dutchman/ Knight Errant is such a personal favorite character trope of mine. There’s so much potential for angst, tragic backstory and inner demons, nemesis side plot, character development, found family, dramatic showdowns, and more in the right writers’ hands - just an absolute treasure trove of delicious tropes. *chef’s kiss* (Side note: I need some talented director in love with Trigun to make a pitch to Netflix because if there’s any classic anime IP with a real shot at a successful live-action adaptation and engagement with an otherwise unfamiliar American audience, it’s Trigun.)

And maybe that’s just another reason I love Hawks so much, even if it sat in my subconscious for years. Plus, it’s another reason for me to put him in a Stetson and call him Yee-Hawks. It’s not the first time nor will it be the last. It’s stupid and non-canon; but it’s also fun. Ramble over.

#let's talk hawks #yee-hawks #she speaks

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hawkland · 3 years

Text

Dear Smut4Smut creator

Letter for the 2021 Smut 4 Smut exchange

My AO3 profile: sidewinder

Thank you for writing or creating art for me! I know I’ll be thrilled with whatever you come up with for any of my requests. (And if I babble on or have more prompts for one ship than another, don’t take that as any kind of preference. Some I just am more specific in the kinds of smutty scenarios I’m requesting/wanting at this time, but I love them all the same.)

Please consider the requested tags all the “prompt” you need if so inspired, if none of my suggested scenarios and ideas inspire you. Also, of course, feel free to combine them or use only one as you see fit!

General Likes

Non-penetrative sex (especially in first-time scenarios). I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, mutual hand jobs, characters so turned on and overwhelmed that they come from barely being touched/before they can get all their clothes off, etc.

Romantic smut more than really kinky smut (though a bit of light bondage/restraint can be fun!)

That said, I have a definite weakness for wing!kink and tentacles... where appropriate :)

Generally stoic/repressed/strong characters breaking down and needing comfort/hugs/acceptance of their vulnerabilities

Inverted relationship power dynamics - in the sense of a seemingly older and/or more powerful character actually being less experienced in sex/romantic relationships, or having more doubts & insecurities, and needing the younger/less powerful character to take the lead or reassure them.

In art - I really love all styles of fan art and just seeing how different artists interpret my favorite characters. Seriously, and that’s not just a cop-out because I’m crappy at coming up with art-specific prompts.

General Do No Wants

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth

formalized BDSM relationships

non-canon gender identities and/or sexual orientations except gay/bi/pan for requested ships/characters

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/genderswap/coffee shop/etc (however, canon-divergent AUs completely fine!)

Supernatural-Castiel/Dean Winchester

Fandom-specific Do Not Wants: Bad ending/unhappy-ever-after, Sam-bashing, any suggestions of Wincest

I confess I am a very new Destiel-shipper/SPN fan, having only gotten into the show late last year (post-finale.) So while I know there are mountains of stories already written about this ship, sometimes it’s nigh impossible to dig through it all to find stories that scratch the specific fic cravings I have. Hence all the prompts/ideas for them here, some of which I’m sure have been done to death already...but please humor me :)

Long Prolonged Make-Outs

Kissing All Over

Frottage

First Time Sex is Non-Penetrative

First Time with Partner of the Same Gender

Experience - Experienced/Inexperienced

Experience - Experienced Partner Lets Inexperienced One Explore Them

Playful Sex

Morning After (Incredible Sex the night before)

I love everything about newly-human!Cas in season 9 (and Cas’s hedonistic tendencies in general). I have to imagine that, as a human, he just feels things with an intensity that angels just don’t feel, as if with human lifetimes so condensed, their senses are intensified to make up for it in a way that would be overwhelming for a hugely powerful/nearly immortal creature like an angel.

So give me any story about Cas’ exploring and fully embracing the sensual pleasures of sex (with Dean). I love Season 9 canon-divergence fics where Dean lets him stay in the bunker. Perhaps after his first taste of sex with April, Cas wants to add to his experiences by having sex with a male-bodied human/someone he deeply cares about (ie, DEAN). Dean may still be struggling with his own internalized homo/bi-phobia but it’s hard for him to resist Cas with his insatiable curiosity about how the human body works, having no filters/no taboos and just wanting to taste/touch/experience until he/they both are completely overwhelmed.

Wings as Erogenous Zones

Wing Kink

I love wings and true-form Cas as well. In fact I’m totally okay with canon-compliant, post-finale fic in Heaven if it means Dean can finally see/experience Cas’s true form (or at least glimpses/parts of it) without dying (because, you know, already dead and all that.) Otherwise, I’m always up for AUs where Dean can sense/feel/see Cas’s wings (if Cas wants him to) and they are an incredible erogenous zone for the angel. Maybe even his most powerful one.

Touching All Over

Touch-starved character overwhelmed from seemingly innocent touches

Touch-starved

Awkward First Times

Trauma Recovery

thank god you're/we're alive sex

Tender Sex with Lots of Eye Contact & Barely Repressed Feelings

Tender Sex

Shame in Sexual Desires

Room-Wrecking Sex

Reunion Sex

Characters mutually pining finally get together and have amazing sex

Desperate Sex

Sex gets paused to deal with PTSD then maybe returned to

I’ll take all the Cas-is-back, ignore-the-finale fics that are possible. Give me touch-starved Cas after his rescue from The Empty. (Dean can be fully into immediately satisfying his needs or, for angst, still struggling with/unsure of his feelings/sexuality.) It’s tender and healing, or maybe it’s explosive with all those years of pent-up desire and needs. You tell me, I love it all!

Sex While Washing Off The Blood of Their Enemies

Sex While Covered In The Blood of Their Enemies

sex under the stars

Outdoor Sex

Car Sex - on the hood of a car

Car Sex - in the back seat

Hotel Sex

tender making out in a car

sex after a long car ride

For these tags, I’m thinking canon-divergent future-fic where Dean is getting older (maybe Cas is too, if he’s lost his grace), yet they still go out on hunts together on occasion to relive the “glory days”. (Sam’s happily settled down and out of the hunting life with Eileen). They enjoy post-hunt sex in the outdoors or in/on the car, or seedy motel, reveling in the adrenaline of the kill, reaffirming their need and love for each other. Yum.

Supernatural - Endverse Castiel/Dean Winchester/Endverse Dean Winchester

Desperate Sex

Threesome - M/M/M

Threesome - Character/Crush/Another Version of Crush

Turned On By Violence

One last fuck before you die

Drugs - Drug Use

Time Travel - Sleeping with older/younger version of someone you know in your own timeline

Time Travel - Sleeping with older/younger self

Pairing-Specific DNWs: None here. Go as dark as you want, since it’s Endverse.

Um, yeah. Pretty much what the tags suggest. Dean knows its freaky as hell but maybe he catches his future self and Cas having sex and they invite him in. Maybe he sees it as a chance to be with Cas (even this very different Cas) like he can’t in his own time. Castiel is totally messed up over seeing the man he had fallen in love with (and fallen from grace for) as he had been, back then, and can’t contain himself now that he’s gone so deep into carnal/hedonistic pleasures.

The Orville - Gordon Malloy/Ed Mercer

thank god you're/we're alive sex

"We Lived" Kiss Reveals Feelings

Stranded - On Another Planet/World With No Way Home

Huddling For Warmth Leads To Sex

on the run together

Desperate Sex

One last fuck before you die

Fandom-specific Do Not Want: No Kelly-bashing.

I’d love something set in the alternative universe/timeline of “The Road Not Taken”, where the Kaylons have won, leaving Gordon and Ed on the run together. Just, any kind of desperate situation where they know they could die at any moment, so they might as well seek whatever comfort, love and tenderness they can find being with each other.

Laughter During Sex

Awkward First Times

Friends to Lovers

First Time Sex is Non-Penetrative

Frottage

Something Made Them Do It

Drugs - Experimental Substance Has Weird Sexual Side Effects

Casual Sex while Secretly Pining

Laughter During Sex

Something fun and silly (and sexy), please, using any of these tags! The show just screams out for tropey “something made them do it” scenarios, be it due to aliens, alien food or drink, whatever. Otherwise I’d love a story where they realize they do have more serious feelings for each other than their (up til then) casual relationship has allowed.

The Good Place - Michael/Eleanor Shellstrop

Tentacles - Tentacle Sex

Tentacles

Xeno - Nonhuman Partner is Ashamed of Their Body

Experience - Experienced/Inexperienced

Awkward First Times

Laughter During Sex

romantic sex

Tentacles - Gentle and Tender Tentacle Sex with Lots of Caresses and Cuddles

Fandom-specific Do Not Wants: No Chidi-bashing (but also, no Chidi/Eleanor endgame references/suggestions).

The ship/canon where I will eternally want tentacle smut! Michael seems so ashamed of his fire-squid demon form. I want him to find out that Eleanor actually finds it kind of a turn-on and would love to find a way she could...experience it. Since we know Michael can create simulations/realities (like he does in “The Trolley Problem”), maybe he can create one where Eleanor can see/experience a version of himself that won’t, you know, destroy the entire neighborhood or burn her to a crisp?

Otherwise I’m good with any kind of first-time scenario in one of Michael’s “reboots” (or later on when they’ve figured things out and are in Michael’s Neighborhood Improvement Experiment). Awkward Michael figuring out his human body’s reactions to Eleanor, them having fun and romantic sex, would definitely make my heart happy.

#dear creator #smut 4 smut exchange #exchange letter

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hana-bean · 4 years

Text

Ayumi Hamasaki Picks: A Song for ×× era (1998-1999)

I’ll admit, I avoided A Song for ×× like COVID for way, way too long. Her vocals were hard to adapt to if you had only heard her I am... material and beyond. I personally found her voice high and squeaky; seemingly years and miles away from the Ayu I was introduced to at 14 years of age in 2002. There were a few tracks in their remix form I was able to stomach but otherwise, this album was an Ayumi I didn’t care to know. In fact, you’ll notice on most of these tracks I note that I prefer remixes over originals.

Within the last couple of years, I listened to this album in its entirety and ultimately fell in love. I realized now how important this debut is in considering and appreciating where Ayu started. Yes her sound is relatively high-pitched and un-Western, but it’s endearing AF. This album is able to span both sides of various spectrums: fun and sad, innocent and experienced, light-hearted and heartfelt. It exudes such a compelling, youthful perspective of love and heartbreak that I can’t help but empathize with it. Honestly, I don’t think I would feel the same emotions if this album was recorded with a more mature, older voice.

---

Rating system:

☆☆☆☆ Love - play this at my funeral ☆☆☆ Like - skippable, but still good ☆☆ Meh - this does nothing for me ☆ Hate - I’ve only listened to this once just to confirm I hated it (⭒ you might see these little guys pop up from time to time, which represent a half star because I can’t make up my damned mind)

For a couple of tracks I give two different ratings because sometimes a remixed version is better than the original.

---

A Song for ×× album tracks

Track 1: “Prologue” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like It’s a prelude. Not the best or worst, but a good one.

Track 2: “A Song for ××” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love Are you really even an Ayu fan if you don’t like this song? Kidding! But seriously, I think it’s safe to say that this is a very, very important song to Ayumi; if the number of its live performances aren’t an indicator, the drama from even watching one is enough to move you. One of my favorite live performances ever is from her A Museum tour—the a cappella beginning of the first verse and bridge lures you in and forces you to listen, for her only to then blow you away with the booming orchestral intensity of the chorus. GAH! Fuck me up, Ayu!

Her “030213 Session #2 Take” re-recording of it on the A BALLADS compilation album provides a more organic, and arguably more powerful listening experience. Though she is older, you still can hear the strength of her despair. Her loneliness and strong façade hasn’t left, but has only changed and grew up with her.

The “Ferry Corsten Chilled Mix” from her first ayu trance album is also a total vibe. Great remix.

Track 3: “Hana” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I’d file this one under: “the remixes are better than the original.” I mean the original is still a good listen, but the “dub’s trance remix” and acoustic orchestra version give it more oomph and dimension respectively (both are found on the first ayu-mi-x compilation). The lyrics reflect a fear of the relative unknown, or rather, a fear of growing, only to wilt or get stepped on. And I love how her considerably sad and pensive lyrics are backed with lively arrangements; it’s one of the many things I love about her music.

Track 4: “FRIEND” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love This 👏🏼 song 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 underrated 👏🏼 OMG do I love this song, it’s so fucking wholesome. This track was the one which truly solidified my love for ASf××. Like if this had a music video, I can totally see it popping up on the Disney channel back in the late ‘90s with Ayu dancing at a beach carnival in a pair of Keds or something. Though this song is not devoid of sadness, there is a bit of hope to it, and it’s just simply, super pure. It’s definitely a personal fave.

Track 5: “FRIEND II” Rating: ☆☆ Meh It’s forgettable... I’m having a hard time trying to remember how it goes. I’m sure if I heard it, I’d be like “Ohhhh yeah!” but my mind is only broken picture links rn.

Okay I’ve listened to it and for some reason I get “Song 4 u” vibes like the very beginning guitar riff sounds like the “S4u” chorus, and even the build to the “FII” chorus is similar, I almost expect “S4u” sung over this. At least she copied herself LOL I mean it’s not a terrible song, but the first FRIEND is the better FRIEND.

Track 6: “poker face” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Yes it’s her first single ev4r so like, it’s all important and shit. But I feel there are better tracks on this album which easily eclipse the song. Though it fits in well with the album as a whole. Perhaps as a single compared to only “FRIEND” it holds its own but honestly, just it being Ayu’s debut song is really the only reason why I even remember it.

Track 7: “Wishing” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I believe this is the first (and only) slow ballad that pops up on the album, and also believe this was a good foundation laid for the rest of the slow ballads of her career. This song showcases the youth and yearn of her voice very well. Does anyone know if she has even performed this song live?

Track 8: “YOU” Rating: ☆☆ Meh (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (”Aggressive Mix”) I’ll be real: this original track is boring. Though the “Aggressive Mix” on the first ayu-ro mix album slaps for years and I don’t even really care for Eurobeat. The “FINE MIX” on the ayu-mi-x album is also pretty groovy with that—albeit slow—reggae vibe. I’d argue any remix of this song gives it way more personality and likability.

Confession time: back when cosplay shows at cons were just like a mishmash of skits planned the day of and walk-ons, I thought about actually doing some kind of one-woman interpretive dance to the “Aggressive Mix.” It never happened so you’re welcome.

Track 9: “As if...” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like This is just a good bop. I love the fake-out beginning of the slow piano and then: !!!TATOEBA!!!

Also I really appreciate the bass during the verses, like it goes ~BUM BUM~ every four counts and it’s just something nice and subtle which contributes positively to the song.

Track 10: “POWDER SNOW” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (acoustic orchestra) Three words: acoustic orchestra version. Are y’all seeing the pattern here? But seriously, this song supported by the simplicity of a haunting piano completely changes the mood of this song for the better. I will agree that the original arrangement has a great buildup, but it doesn’t compare to the emotion of the acoustic version.

Also, do any of you fellow old people remember Kazaa? When I was Ayu-curious, I was looking for random songs to download and the acoustic orchestra version of “POWDER SNOW” was one of the first songs I ever downloaded (maybe that plays into my bias).

Honestly, now that I think about it, it might have been Morpheus at the time...

Track 11: “Trust” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like Also one of the first songs I ever heard from Ayu, so I like it for nostalgic reasons. Otherwise I would have relegated this to the ‘meh’ pile.

This is one of the first Japanese songs I ever learned to sing, so I gotta give credit to my 14-year-old self.

Track 12: “Depend on you” Rating: ☆⭒ M— (I don’t hate it, but don’t not hate it enough to warrant the full ‘Meh’) This song is overrated :D The only good thing to come from this single is “Two of us.” Next!

Track 13: SIGNAL Rating: ☆☆⭒ Meh-eh? Well...? It’s a good track, I respect it. Not as memorable as the other songs but it fits well in the album. A good filler song.

Track 14: “from your letter” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like The very beginning with the snaps and twinkly sounds are pretty cool. The song is enjoyable and calls for some shoulder moving at least. There was a remix on AHS a long time ago by sleeperspaceborn which was pretty damned good, and in fact made me like this song.

Track 15: “For My Dear...” Rating: ☆☆☆⭒ Like Like Here for the drama and the high notes, shoot it straight into my bloodstream and do not resuscitate. The Acoustic Version is also a great remix, I love how she sounds like she’s screaming over the piano and guitar.

Track 16: “Present” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Like “FRIEND II” I can’t remember this song...

Ah there it is! *proceeds to forget again*

Non-album tracks:

“Two of us” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love I absolutely l-o-v-e this song right down to the cheesy, slow dance prom-y feel to it. Hell, even the “touch of mahogany mix” is one of the best remixes; I dare you not to at least bob your head when you hear it. This song can only be found on the Depend on You single and it’s a damn shame it didn’t make it to the ASf×× album. However maybe this can be considered her first slow ballad... but again, solid foundation. The lyrics are once again so pain-ridden and sorrowful, but then when you hear it against that funky rhythm on the “touch of mahogany mix,” you can’t help but submit to the dissonance of snapping along while in tears.

Also Xelakad provided an ah-mazing remix of this song on AHS a while back too. It seriously turns this song into a spiritual experience.

---

Average era rating: ☆☆☆ Like

If I could describe this album in two words, they would be: cohesive and precious. Yes her lyrics reflect hurt, rejection, and cynicism, but against the pop rock beats and her high voice, the album maintains an element of innocence. I believe it was a strong and consistent debut relative to her discography, as we are introduced to a young and weary Ayu who’s uncertain about the future, of love, of herself... *le sigh*

But let’s tie everything up in a nice pretty bow. For the list of Ayu’s creative bests, the common denominator is how much I really loved the drama and uniqueness of the tracks. Given that Ayu’s music style quickly evolved after this album, we conceivably don’t and won’t hear any songs like these ever again, and that’s why they’re just special.

The ‘Loves’ (only in order of track listing): A Song for ×× FRIEND POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) YOU “Aggressive Mix” Two of us

Ayu’s creative bests: A Song for ×× POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) For My Dear... Two of us

***

Credits: -Album art from Wikipedia -Concert screenshots from eneabba.net/ayu

Disclaimer: this post is solely my personal view and opinion. I am a Westerner with no fluency in Japanese, and so my viewpoint is shaped from English translations provided by ahsforum.com and all the feels from years of daily listening.

#浜崎あゆみ #Ayumi Hamasaki #a song for ××

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changeling-rin · 4 years

Note

It's fairly easy to tell with most of the guys, but I've been wondering: what kinds of things are Lore afraid of? How does he react when he's forced to face those things?

Oh! @ask-the-dimensional-links did a thing on this! Give me a minute, I’ll go and dig up that post-

Click Here To Read It

Also, I went back through my message history and found the original thoughts I sent them regarding that Ask in the first place. However, it is long, and I have recently figured out how to stop spamming people with novel-length posts, so! The LONG answer shall be under the cut ;)

(But if you don’t want to read the whole thing I’ll put Lore’s in bold so you can just skip to it)

((For greatest fears… well, honestly I’ve only addressed this a couple times, because most of my interpretation of being the Holder of Courage means that said Holder isn’t afraid of a ton of stuff. That said, I have tried to give each Link something that they ARE afraid of, if only because Courage also means overcoming your fear and doing the thing anyway. I probably haven’t mentioned them all in-story because not all of them came up through natural events or dialogue, but hey, now I can! Gen is afraid of spiders. I did this because, in his game, they’re freaking enormous and have a nasty habit of dropping out of absolutely flipping nowhere, landing on his head, and proceeding to try and eat him then and there. Granted, the spiders in Twilight Princess can be equally large, but you can usually see them coming. Plus, Dusk has very sharp teeth and that quick-time event thing with Midna and her magic, so he’s much better equipped to take them out swiftly whereas Gen has to stab the thing and usually get spider guts on himself too.Speck worries about getting stepped on. One of the very first things he learned about being small is that almost nobody pays attention to you, and they certainly don’t pay attention to where they’re walking. Most of the time he uses this to his advantage, like his fighting style. But he always makes sure to keep to corners and to walk in places where he can’t easily be spotted, because getting crushed to death by an unobservant human sounds absolutely terrifying.The Four don’t like being alone. It’s something that’s developed more in relation to the more time they spend together; there’s something really intimate about sharing thoughts the way they do, and they’re a little bit worried about how they’re going to handle it all when they have to put the Four Sword back. To them, noise means people and people mean life and warmth and laughter and a bunch of other good stuff. Their hive-mind means that they’ve always got each other, but especially now that they’ve gotten used to having ten-plus siblings around, being alone just sounds so… lonely.Ocarina is scared that he can’t measure up. It’s a lot of pressure, to take a nine-year-old boy and tell him, “Hey, you gotta save the world.” Now, though, he’s in a body that he’s still getting used to (he never had the opportunity to grow into it, after all), and there’s a future version of himself hanging around who’s confident and cocky and everything Ocarina’s not. He’s afraid that Mask might look at him one day and say, ‘You’ll never be me. You’re not enough.’ Common sense, of course, tells him that this is obviously never going to happen, because otherwise that would be a massive paradox and plus Mask just isn’t that kind of person, but fear isn’t exactly rational.Mask got over that whole inferiority thing a looooong time ago, but now he’s got a new issue: he can’t stand being left behind. Not in the kind of ‘You’re too slow’ way, but in the 'people move on without him’ way. It started when Princess Zelda sent him back to his child years (without actually consulting him on it, might I add), and suddenly here he is with all these memories surrounded by all these people who have no idea what he’s been through. Mask would have much rather continued as he was, with the people who shared the experience with him. Then Navi left, for reasons he’s still trying to figure out, and he literally left the country and went to a new one searching for her. This is part of the reason why he resonates with the Skull Kid; they’ve both got the same fear.Neither of them are very fond of Dead Hands, though. Dusk doesn’t like losing people - at all. He’s so protective that the idea of one of the people he values getting hurt terrifies him. After all, what did he do when his adoptive brother got kidnapped? (That’s Colin, by the way.) And what did he do when Colin nearly got tossed off a bridge by King Bulblin? He went nuts on the guy. Same thing when Speck almost got crushed. He’s a wolf, and the pack means everything to him. He’s going to fight until he literally can’t anymore to keep anything from happening to his family.Vio, Blue, Red, and Green each have a diluted version of Link’s original fear, because they’re one personality split across four bodies. Basically, Link hates being the person who screwed up. The reason that Vaati is free in the first place was because he drew the Four Sword, breaking the seal and letting the sorcerer loose. (If you’d like, the Blue in him outweighed the Vio and instead of thinking of other ways to rescue the Princess, he went for the immediate option.) In a roundabout way, the whole mess is his fault (or at least he thinks it’s his fault), and he’ll do anything to make sure it doesn’t happen again. For his four split selves, this manifests into a general desire to not be the person in the group to botch the timing on a combat plan and to have their teamwork, at least, be smoothly-running.Lore, for a while, didn’t think he had a fear. Then he met the group and he abruptly realized, that, yes, he actually does. Lore’s afraid of rejection, that one day these people that he’d come to regard as family will say 'That’s it, we’re done, you’re too weird and we can’t cope with it.’ He actually reigned himself in, at first, just a little bit, because he liked these people and he wanted to stick around and for some reason, the idea of them looking at him in apprehension and confusion the way most other people did bothered him. He’s let loose by now, obviously, because he knows that none of them are going anywhere and neither is he, but it’s just one of those things that comes up in a bad dream every once in a while and always ends with him spending the rest of the night awake.Sketch has a straight-up phobia of water. I’ve covered this one fairly in-depth in the story, I believe, so I won’t reiterate it too much. But Sketch is always going to look at the ocean differently than the rest of the group will, because The Rain Incident is never too far in his mind.Realm is secretly afraid that one day, he’s going to get lost on his way to save somebody and by the time he finally gets there it’ll be too late. Or, that he’ll lose his sword and be unable to fend off an attack, or lose his shield and be unable to defend someone. This is why he never stops trying to find whichever item he misplaced or whichever location he lost track of this time. He’s going to get there whether it takes him two weeks or not, because the alternative isn’t an option. He’s better nowadays, because somehow hanging with the group cuts his travel time by about eighty percent and he still can’t believe that it’s normal for people to get where they’re going in less than a week, but it’s awesome and he’s not complaining one bit.Wind is afraid to lose. Not exactly in the traditional sense, but more like he’s terrified of what will happen if he fails. What would have happened to Aryll if he’d failed to save her after she’d gotten kidnapped? What would have happened to Tetra if he’d failed to get her out of Ganondorf’s hands? What would happen to her now if he fails to find Bellum? And, the current one, what will happen to existence if they fail to stop Demise? (I guess he’s afraid of the Game Over scenario, heh.)Steam never says anything about it, but he sometimes sees things that nobody else does and they freak the living daylights out of him. He’s started suspecting that there’s some form of spirit world sharing the space with their physical one. He’s learned to ignore it, for the most part, although being able to see it did come in really handy when Zelda lost her body. Unfortunately, that led him to think that he’s seeing the afterlife, and that was just uncomfortable.

Shadow likes to pretend that he doesn’t have a fear and he gets away with it too, because what he’s actually afraid of never actually occurred to anybody else. Which is funny, because he’s actually really obvious about it. He doesn’t like sunlight. Kinda like Sketch and his water phobia, Shadow’s afraid of sunlight because it hurts. He’s never tempted fate to see what would happen, but judging by the smoke that starts coming off his hair he doesn’t think he wants to find out. Hence the cloak he wears, and why he’s always under a shady tree somewhere.Oni dislikes the idea of losing his legacy. He’s the very first Hero, after all, he’s gotta protect his kids. Plus, if they’re gone, who’s gonna beat up the evil that pops up all the time? He’s like the formal older brother/father who’s actually an enraged momma bear if you manage to trigger his fear.))

#Changeling Answers #Greatest Fears #Whoo boy it's a long one again #The DL Links #Dimensional Links

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phoenix-downer · 5 years

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Light in the Darkness Scene: Japanese and English Comparison

This is the second in a series of posts analyzing Sora and Kairi’s moments together during KH3. The first post about the paopu fruit sharing scene can be found here.

Here’s a general key for the kind of analysis I like to do:

JP: Official Japanese Dialogue

EN: Official English Dialogue

TR: My Translation

Notes: things I found interesting, grammatical points, extra thoughts, etc.

One last note: media doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Every work of art must be viewed through the cultural lens of the people who made it. Kingdom Hearts, for all its ties to Disney, is still very much a Japanese game, so it should be analyzed in light of that.

With that in mind, let’s continue.

Right off the bat, the scene opens with Sora in the darkness.

This is reminiscent of the following scene in KH1, when he is recalling what happened when he fell to darkness:

But he’s not alone. Someone’s here with him. Note the framing of this scene, with the light in the upper lefthand corner and Sora in the bottom right. It’s a very striking visual that makes great use of diagonal lines to indicate movement.

The camera changes and centers Sora on the screen, but once again he is at an angle and we get those nice diagonal lines.

He looks up...

...then does a double take, because he can’t believe his eyes. He makes a shocked little noise, too.

The look on his face changes to pure wonder as he realizes who’s there.

This moment nicely parallels that same scene in KH1 where Sora is recalling how Kairi saved him. Note how his eyes likewise flew open when he heard her voice:

He’s making about the same pose, too, just upside down in KH1 and right side up in KH3.

And waiting for him there, in the depths of the darkness, is Kairi.

Her expression softens into a smile as she greets him with simply his name.

JP ソラ

EN Sora

TR Sora

She moves to the center of the screen in this next shot. She’s the light in the darkness. She was all along.

Sora, overjoyed to see her, calls out to her, his voice urgent...

JP カイリ！

EN Kairi!

TR Kairi!

(Shoutout to Haley here too in the English version for absolutely nailing how Sora says her name, just the right combination of relief and joy and excitement!)

...and reaches for her:

The camera changes angles to show her reaching towards him, too...

...and they grab each other’s hands.

Let’s take a moment right here to talk about this more.

Handholding. No big deal, right?

Depends on who you ask.

Different cultures have different ideas about what constitutes appropriate physical contact with the opposite sex. I’ll speak from personal experience and observation here for a moment. Japanese boys are way more touchy-feely with each other than their American counterparts. While this changes as they get older, as kids they’ll play wrestle, sit in each other’s laps, hold hands, and otherwise have epic bromances. No one so much as bats an eye because this is considered completely normal.

Touching a girl, on the other hand, is a much bigger deal. And handholding? Well, you can only imagine.

So Sora and Kairi holding hands like this is, as far as I can tell, a much bigger deal than it might seem to Western audiences. Again, you have to remember where this game was made as well as the cultural background of the people who made it when interpreting scenes like this.

Take note, too, of the position of their fingers. They aren’t just holding hands, they’re holding hands with their fingers laced together.

And now we know why Nomura gave Sora bracers and not gloves, and it was for all the handholding he knew Sora and Kairi would be doing in this game.

Their momentum makes them spin around in a circle in one of those classic “spin of romance” moments TV Tropes calls The Twirl of Love that can be seen in a number of different Disney movies, including Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, and Frozen.

They keep one hand together for a little bit longer, almost like they can’t bear to let the other person go. And Sora’s lines here say:

JPここにいたのか

EN I found you!

TR You were here (all along)

Notes: Sora’s voice is a mix of surprised and relieved. He almost can’t believe Kairi was here all along, but he sure is glad that she’s with him now. While the English version focuses on him finding her at last (and what a relief after fighting the lich all those times, seriously), the Japanese version expresses something a little different - even when he thought he was alone except for Jiminy, she was there all along. With him in the depths of the darkness.

Kairi, for her part, gives her lovely Kairi giggle while Sora smiles at her.

JP おかえり

EN You see?

TR You’re home

Notes: The English version sort of misses this parallel (oops), probably because it would’ve sounded a little clunky in English, but this is the exact same thing Kairi tells him at the end of KH2 when he returns to her at long last.

It’s also what Japanese people tell their family members when they’ve arrived home. This would include wives greeting their husbands coming home from work, among other potential situations.

Destiny Islands isn’t Sora’s home now so much as Kairi is. She’s his home. When he’s with her, he’s home.

JP 必ず戻ってくれって信じてたよ

EN I had no doubts that you’d pull through.

TR I always believed you’d come back (to me)

Notes: Lots to discuss here. First of all, the fact that Kairi never lost faith in Sora, that she always believed in him, is really touching. She uses the emphatic particle yo to really emphasize this - she’s telling him she always believed in him and wants to make that very clear.

Second, this parallels Sora’s promise to her at the end of KH1 in the Japanese version. She uses similar phrasing, kanarazu and modottekuru which is similar in meaning but not quite the same as kaeru, to draw our minds to this moment. Here’s a comparison of the Japanese dialogue in that scene to the English version:

JP 必ず絶対帰るから

EN I’ll come back to you. I promise!

TR I’ll always come back to you

The parallels to KH1 continue with Sora’s next lines.

JP 闇を照らす光　カイリだったんだね

EN The light in the darkness. It was you.

TR The light that shines in the darkness... it was you, wasn’t it

Notes: Let’s take a look at the Japanese dialogue in KH1 where Sora talks about how Kairi saved him to better see the parallels.

JP でも　カイリの声が聞こえて　目が覚めたんだ

EN But then I heard a voiceー your voice.

TR But then I heard your voice and woke up

Notes: The Japanese version mentions Sora waking up, indicated by his eyes flying open.

JP カイリのおかげだよ

EN You brought me back.

TR It’s thanks to you, Kairi

Notes: Sora credits Kairi with being the one to wake him up in the Japanese version.

Skipping Kairi’s response for now, as we’ll talk about that more later:

JP 俺たちの心は　つながってる

EN Our hearts are connected

TR Our hearts are connected

Notes: pretty much the same in both languages. Interesting to note though that in Japanese Sora’s famous “My friends are my power!” is more like “Connecting hearts is my power!” (つながる心は俺の力だ)

He realizes he has that power here in his scene with Kairi, which leads him to proclaim his famous line to Ansem SOD at the end of KH1.

Continuing on:

JP 心のつながりが光になって　闇の奥までとどいてー

EN And the light from our hearts broke through the darkness. I saw that light.

TR (Our) connected hearts became light, and reached all the way to the depths of the darknessー

Notes: Sora credits the connecting of his and Kairi’s hearts with creating the light that reached him in the depths of the darkness.

JP 俺の心を助けてくれたんじゃないかな

EN I think that’s what saved me.

TR That’s what saved my heart, isn’t it?

Notes: the -tekureru Sora attaches to the verb stem makes it clear he’s very grateful for the saving in question. He also uses the speculative form kana to show he’s not 100% sure about what happened but has an idea of how it might’ve worked.

JP「どんなに深い闇でもその奥には必ず光がある」

EN No matter how deep the darkness, a light shines within.

TR “No matter how deep the darkness, (even) in (the darkest) depths there will always be (a) light”

Notes: Sora is quoting Kairi’s grandmother’s story here that Kairi showed to him while she was still in his heart.

Tying this back to KH3, while in KH1 Sora credited the connecting of his and Kairi’s hearts with reaching him and saving him and credited Kairi with waking him up, here he gives all of the credit to Kairi.

He realizes that she’s the light in the darkness. He understands now. Back in KH1 he was speculating about what had happened, figuring it was their hearts connecting that had something to do with it, but here he says, “It was you, Kairi, wasn’t it?”

This is his first epiphany in this scene - while he knew before there is always a light, even in the deepest depths of the darkness, he knows now that for him at least that light is Kairi. It always has been, and it always will be.

Continuing on...

JP 俺が消えないように留めてくれたのもの

EN You’re the one who kept me from fading away.

TR (You are what) kept me from disappearing

Notes: Sora uses the -tekureru construction to show how grateful he is to Kairi for keeping him from fading away. It’s the same construction he used in KH1 to express gratitude for how saved him that I mentioned earlier. The Japanese line is more literally your light (lit. the thing, but keeping the context in mind, he’s talking about the light in the darkness aka Kairi) that kept me from disappearing, but the same general idea gets across.

The word used for “fade away” or “disappear” is kieru, which also bears similarities to Kairi’s dialogue in KH1 when Sora disappears and she says, “I won’t let him go!”

Let’s take a closer look.

JP ソラ　ほんとうに消えーー

EN Sora, are you really--

TR Sora, did you really disaー

Notes: Kairi uses the same verb for disappear/fade away here, kieru, that Sora uses to say she prevented that from happening in KH3.

JP ううん　消さない！　絶対消さない！

EN No. He can’t be. I won’t let him go!

TR No. He won’t be erased! There’s no way he’ll be erased!

Notes: This time Kairi uses the transitive form of the verb for disappear/fade away here, kesu, instead of the intransitive form of the verb, kieru. Probably to indicate her determination to hold onto him and to keep him from fading away.

She refused to let him go back in KH1, and she refused to let him go this time, too. Sora notices here in this scene and draws attention to that so he can express his gratitude.

In Kairi’s next line, she explains how she did it:

JP 私はソラをあきらめなかっただけだよ

EN All I did was believe that you wouldn’t.

TR I just never gave up on you, that’s all

Notes: this parallels her dialogue at the end of KH1 when she explains to Sora how she kept him from fading away.

Let’s take a closer look:

JP 私は　ソラを忘れたくなかっただけだよ

EN I didn’t want to just forget about you, Sora. I couldn’t.

TR I just didn’t want to forget about you, Sora.

Notes: Kairi uses the same grammatical structure, dakedayo,in both KH1 and KH3 to explain how she saved Sora. Could be coincidence, but my guess is that her line here was meant to be a callback to KH1.

If I were to translate the English dialogue in this scene to parallel her line in the English version of KH1, I would do it something like this:

I didn’t want to just give up on you, Sora. I couldn’t.

Continuing on, Sora lets out a soft chuckle and grins, and his smile is so big his eyes close.

This prompts Kairi to look at him.

Then he looks at her and delivers this absolutely adorable line:

JP やっぱり強いなカイリは

EN I feel strong with you, Kairi

TR Just like I thought, you are strong, Kairi

Notes: The English version and Japanese version are different, but let’s think about why. I actually like the English version more and think the translators improved the original line, but the Japanese line is still cute, so let’s discuss that one first.

Sora’s complimenting her, flirting with her, and hitting on her, all at once. This is a far cry from the boy who told her she’d get in his way if she went with him back in KH1. No, now he’s glad she’s here by his side and is acknowledging her strength. I’m sure after all of her training to reach this point, that was really nice for her to hear.

Why did the English version change it, then? Well, based on fan reaction in the West to Kairi’s role in the game... which, hasn’t been, er, very positive, to say the least... my guess is that the translators suspected English-speaking fans might not buy that Kairi’s strong (even though there is more than one kind of strength, and Kairi has strength of heart even if she isn’t the best fighter). They may have been concerned Sora’s line might come across as character shilling as a result, because we tend to associate strength with physical strength and fighting prowess and not so much strength of heart. Kairi, as a newer Keyblade wielder, was simply outclassed against the likes of Xemnas and Xehanort, and the “you’re strong” line would probably have fallen flat in English because of her subsequent kidnapping and murder.

So, to avoid having Sora tell the audience she’s strong when the game itself... happens the way it does, perhaps the translators made a conscious decision to modify the line to better suit Western audiences and avoid potential character shilling. And by doing so, they changed the focus to how Sora feels when he’s with her. His wording is so sweet and earnest, so him, that I think I might have squealed when I first watched this scene.

Because the whole game he’s been trying to regain his lost strength, to get his power back. And when he loses his friends, he tells R*ku the following (screenshots are from this video):

He feels weak on his own. But with Kairi, with Kairi he feels strong.

Yeah, the English version of this line is the winner, hands down. It ties into his character arc in KH3 so well and showcases how his relationship with Kairi is evolving. It’s also just something very Sora-like for him to say.

But in both versions, it’s still clear he’s hitting on her and flirting with her, turning the charm up to eleven. No wonder she reacts to his words the way she does - by looking away and giggling to herself as she blushes!

She lets out a soft little gasp here...

...and she’s so flustered she has to look away!

Sora has grown savvy to the effect he has on her, and his smile is so big his eyes close:

Her eyes dart down and to the right, a sign that she’s thinking about her feelings:

And she lets out an adorable little giggle as Sora’s grin just gets bigger:

Look at how delighted he is, like he can’t get enough of her or of this moment:

And she likewise just keeps smiling...

...then reaches for his hand.

Note that there was no need for them to hold hands again. They’re together, they’re both headed in the right direction, they don’t have to do this, but Kairi wants to do this. His words have made her bold, and she initiates the physical contact this time.

Her grip on his hand tightens as she leads the way.

Their friends are waiting for them, and it’s time to return to them.

JP もうみんな戻ってる　早く行こう

EN The others are ahead, c’mon.

TR Everyone made it back already, let’s go to them quickly

Notes: Kairi knows their friends are safe, and she wants to get back to them as soon as possible.

In this next shot, Sora has his second epiphany. He quite literally sees the light.

The camera angle changes to focus on his face and the light shining on it.

He flashes back to the moment in Rapunzel’s tower right before Rapunzel’s love for Eugene saved him.

This is easily missable, but in the loading screens for Kingdom of Corona, you can see Sora reflect on Rapunzel’s magic and how it saved Eugene. He makes it clear he thinks it’s a different magic than what he knows how to do:

But he was wrong. He had that magic. He had it all along. And this is the moment where he realizes that.

My personal interpretation is that he thinks of Rapunzel and Eugene first as a parallel to him and Kairi, then remembers how Anna’s act of true love saved her as well to show his love for his friends, too.

His love for Kairi does not lessen his love for his friends, and his love for his friends does not lessen his love for Kairi. They are equally important and receive equal focus in this scene. His love for her and his love for them makes him strong.

The camera goes back to his face and focuses on his eyes to show that they have been opened to something he didn’t understand before.

Then it changes to show him and Kairi again with her leading the way:

Sora has a sharp intake of breath here as he makes his realization, as he realizes just how exactly Kairi was able to save him. His eyes widen and his mouth opens...

...and Kairi makes a “hmmm” noise in response to see what’s happening as Sora turns to look at her.

He looks at her and he knows. This was her act of true love. He understands now how she was able to save him.

She gives him a knowing look...

...and lets out a little “mm-hmmm” kind of noise, like “finally figured it out, did you?”

Then turns to face forward again.

What she says next serves as a confirmation for what Sora has realized:

JP 言ったでしょ　私がソラを守るって

EN I told you, Sora. You’re safe with me.

TR I told you, didn’t I? I’ll keep you safe

Notes: I talked about this in my earlier analysis about the paopu sharing scene, but Kairi is turning the Declaration of Protection on its head. Usually, in Japanese media the hero is the one who vows to protect his love interest as a sign of his devotion to her, but this time, it’s the princess vowing to protect her knight. And in this case, she’s reminding him that she kept him safe, just like she promised. The paopu fruit worked. Their vow gave her the power to protect him, just like she told him it would.

Sora’s look of surprise and wonder shows the effect her words have on him. Clearly, he’s moved by her determination to protect him for once, after all those times he protected her...

...and then he smiles because how could he not, he knows just how much Kairi loves him now.

He makes a cute little noise of agreement, too:

He squeezes her fingers a little tighter...

...and gives his verbal agreement, too:

JP ああ！

EN Yeah.

TR Yeah!

The camera zooms out to show the two of them with Kairi leading the way...

...as they go into the light. Note the dynamic diagonal lines once again that makes for a striking visual image.

Sora makes a surprised noise as he almost stumbles, his eyes wide with wonder. Kairi is by his side, too. She led him back to the Keyblade Graveyard, and he can hardly believe his eyes.

She is quick to see if he’s okay:

JP 大丈夫？

EN You okay?

TR You okay?

Notes: Her immediate concern is for his well-being, and it also nicely parallels the times she asks if he’s okay back in KH1 and KH2. Screenshots are from here and here.

She gives him a confident, knowing smile, kind of like, “See? I knew that would work.”

And he just stares at her in wonder, like he’s seeing her in a completely new light because he is:

He tilts his head and makes a relieved/happy sound as he continues to just look at her. Seriously, look at his face, look at the awe and wonder and amazement over her written all over it:

His left hand is outstretched, indicating he still hasn’t really moved it since he’s landed. He’s still trying to process it all.

He quickly straightens and smiles at her. Notice how he doesn’t let go over her hand. This would’ve been the time to do so, had he wanted to, but nope. He keeps on holding her hand because he doesn’t want to let go.

The camera zooms in on his face, giving us a moment from Kairi’s POV. Look at that contented smile on his face, the complete confidence in how he feels about her and how she feels about him when at the start of the paopu scene he was hesitant:

And then, he thanks her.

JP ありがとう　カイリ

EN Yeah. Thanks, Kairi.

TR Thank you, Kairi

Notes: Obvious in both the English and Japanese versions, but we have one last parallel to KH1 here: the moment when he thanked Kairi for saving him. The moment her magic turned him human again and he held her in his arms.

JP カイリーー　ありがとう

EN Kairi, thank you.

TR Kairi, thank you.

Yeah. No way he wasn’t thinking about that moment again here. No wonder he refuses to let go of her hand.

He tilts his head a little here as he finishes his thank you...

...and the camera switches to his POV to show Kairi looking at him, clearly pleased by his gratitude:

Her lips part a little, and she blinks a few times...

...then makes a little mmm-hmm noise as she nods and smiles at him.

The camera zooms out to show the two of them standing there, and hey, what do you know, they’re still holding hands!

Sora lets out another relieved, happy sound, and he keeps holding her hand. In front of their friends. Knowing everyone is watching. He is making a statement here, and that statement is that he and Kairi are an item.

Again, the cultural context needs to be considered here. Drawing from personal experience again, PDA is much less acceptable in Japan than it is in the US. At most you’ll see couples holding hands in public. Anything more is generally frowned upon, as intimacy is considered to be best saved for private moments.

So for Sora to keep holding her hand like this, in front of their friends, to me at least sure seems like he’s completely comfortable with letting the whole world know that their relationship is something more now. No, he wants his friends to know that they’re together. He isn’t shy or embarrassed about his feelings the way he was in KH1 and KH2 when R*ku, Donald, and Goofy teased him; instead, he’s almost flaunting how he feels about Kairi and how she feels about him.

Look at his wonder and amazement and happiness to have his friends restored to him when before he thought they were lost for good:

He and Kairi both look at everyone with smiles on their faces:

JP よかったー

EN It did work.

TR Thank goodness!

Notes: Sora is literally saying “good!” here to indicate how relieved he is. The English version opts for something that sounds more Sora-like, because thank goodness is generally not something you hear guys say in English.

One final shot of the two of them as they look at their friends and smile. It’s thanks to them that everyone’s safe and sound - Kairi because she saved Sora, and Sora because he saved the rest of them - and they’re taking a moment to enjoy the rewards of their efforts.

Standing side by side, the visual implication is clear: they truly got to work together as a team.

I’ll finish this analysis with this excerpt from Jiminy’s journal about Sora and Kairi’s roles in this scene:

“We returned to the site of our defeat, where Sora was reunited with Kairi amidst the Demon Tide’s darkness. Kairi never stopped believing in Sora, and the pure light within herーone of the New Seven Heartsーwas what kept his heart from being extinguished. She took his hand and, together, they left the dark to a familiar sight: the Keyblade Graveyard, shortly before we made our last stand.

A heart of light, so long as it retains even the faintest glow, will always rise to banish the darkness, as sure as dawn sweeps away the night.”

In other words, Kairi is, and always will be, Sora’s light in the darkness.

Screenshots, where the sources aren’t linked in the analysis itself, are from the following videos:

KH3 Japanese Cutscenes

KH1 Japanese Cutscenes

KH2 Japanese Cutscenes

KH1 Ending Cutscenes

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