#imagine….au where kim stays | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nmjoo-n · 2 years

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SUGAR MOON 🥐 kim taehyung.

pair. art student! taehyung x fem! reader | genre. paris in the 50’s, arranged marriage, angst, romance, smut | warnings. profanity, smoking, possessiveness, pet names, jealousy, unprotected intercourse, oral sex, masturbation, fingering, age gap, breeding kink, virgin mc | word count. 7.1k

synopsis. “tell me, sweetheart, what will your boyfriend say about me being here in the middle of the night?” or kim taehyung won’t let anyone else have you. you’ve been promised to him, after all.

A small life, a small happiness.

These were the things that had been promised to you by your parents, Taehyung didn’t doubt it one fucking bit. Nothing had been shown to you, nothing he could use, nothing to stimulate that pretty little mind of yours. You were a blank canvas.

Someone he could taint. His womanizer ways had done their rounds across Paris, but no one ever actually thought there would come a time where Kim Taehyung, successor of the Kim’s and their jewelry empire, a business booming since the early 20’s, would settle down. They were wrong, of course.

Taehyung wasn’t planning on getting married and staying married, especially to such an inexperienced girl such as yourself, fresh out of her private academy, and working under her daddy as a typist, a receptionist. At least not at first. Not until he met with you in person.

Then, he couldn’t wait. After that first meeting, witnessing your shaking hands and soft voice as you greeted him—you had his cock leaking in seconds. No other woman had elicited such a reaction out of him, none that mattered. None he could remember the name of. So, naturally, he was attracted. Challenged. Interested.

It was a brief brunch, and an extremely pretentious one. Taehyung’s fingers had been itching for a cigarette the entire time, as your mother went on and on about your excellent grades and general impression. His father, an always serious man, all about his money and good name, had managed to snick cognac in his coffee without anyone noticing—anyone except you.

Taehyung’s eyes had caught your amused ones, as you rose a satin gloved hand to your red lips, pressing two digits against that beautiful mouth to keep you from laughing. He fell back on his chair then, manspreading even further, playing with the serviette in his hand, watching you closely.

You hadn’t touched your food. Out of nervousness, perhaps. He liked his women to eat, to indulge themselves in whatever pleases them most. You’d learn that. What else, then… your pinned hair, perfectly styled to fit the shape of your face, your cute nose, and rosy cheeks. The modest neckline of your dress. Hiding just enough, leaving the rest up to the imagination. Carefully chosen he concludes. By the mother. For this engagement.

What a fucking joke. He hated pretending the most. He was an artist; a free mind, someone that couldn’t be caged, someone that did not do well in circumstances as preposterous as these, so staged, so rehearsed, so—fake. If he had it his way, and his father knows this the best, he’d take you away from this table, away from all this boring talk between parents, a bidding war he’s afraid, for what price you’d be sold to him for. Well, that can’t have you feeling comfortable, and no one would want his fiancée to be dreading her own wedding day, would they?

He’s doing it for your future, he reasons.

“Excuse us, esteemed relatives,” he cuts his mother off, and stands up, mischievous gaze piercing through you. “We have greater matters to attend, don’t we sweetheart?”

You blushed immediately under the attention, clearly never having gone against anything in your life. A rule player, staying inside the box. Taehyung wanted to cut that box open, tear through it like a Christmas present, and pick you up, play with you for hours, steal that virginity, that innocence away.

It was at that first meeting, that he took you to his favorite bakery, bought you pain au chocolat, and watched you eat as he smoked, hot chocolate staining your top lip a delicious dark color. Taehyung chuckled at your child like reaction upon noticing your new bittersweet mustache, and decided he’d kiss you that day. Not then, you’d probably run off on him if he’d done it then.

“Have you no decency to tell me of my state?” You smack him playfully on the arm, and his smirk only deepens.

“And miss that adorable look on your face? Not a chance, sweetheart.”

Later. At his house, maybe, after he’s certain of your hold on him, and wants to explore it more. Explore you more. The fabric of your dress was hugging your waist exquisitely, dangerously, those heels doing nothing for you next to him. Eight years of a difference, yet he’s known of you for so long. Has seen you from afar, a mere girl with pigtails, no one he’d pay any mind to, just a shadowy figure in the background of his life, but always the promise hung; the promise between your families, the inevitable elopement.

But you were a tough woman, weren’t you? You made him fight for you. There had been a shy goodbye and then your back, walking away from him in a hurry, afraid to stick around for any more that you’d already have. That had been for the better, Taehyung mused to himself over another of many, many a cigarette. Tobacco had been a friend of his since the young age of seventeen, a way to fit in with the other teenagers and their self destructing tendencies. He had those too, he convinced himself. He had those too, but he also had his pencils and papers.

Taehyung had his art, and his music, and he was never alone. He’d witnessed no death, no poverty, no war, and so for that reason he was an insufferable dreamer, a delicate person. But he tried to see those things, tried to be a part of it all, to help, or to imitate—naturally, those people had taken and taken and taken from him, had used him for his warmth, his money, and reassured future, as they had to, at some point, unfortunately return back to their tiny, freezing apartments to starve and work minimum wage industrial jobs as he remained free to parade around Paris, wearing his expensive tailored suits and leather boots, studying art, not a care in the fucking world.

He was aware of this, too. It made no difference. He came from a family of immigrants, people who put in a great deal of effort to their endeavors. His father alongside his uncle had opened their first jewelry shop in 1922, amidst terrible, dark times, catering exclusively to the rich folk of Paris, investing every last penny they had to them, until the favor was returned. Now, boutiques across France, across Europe. Thirty-four years later.

All the whorehouses in Paris could not have prepared him for what he was about find out. For he’s never been truly jealous of anyone, has had no insecurities, no doubt of who he was. Taehyung was wanted by both men and women, divulged in sexual acts with all who interested him, never particularly caring for gender or class. People were all the same to him—everyone had a price, a reason. But not you, not to him. The more he was away from you, the stronger his feelings grew.

You had a little boyfriend; he learns from the driver he had ordered to follow you around. Someone insignificant, an electrician—so it was honest work you were looking for. A small life, a small happiness. Oh, to see your parents’ faces when they found out about this; how their words had backfired. Kim Taehyung came second to no one, and especially not a country boy trying to make it in the big, scary world. He had his ways of getting exactly what he wanted. That is to say, he hired a friend of his fathers to scare him off, to warn him against you. And if that didn’t work, if there was love involved—well, he couldn’t have that, could he?

You were promised to him first. He wouldn’t let anyone else have you. Especially that tight cunt, those cherry red lips. It went without fucking saying—he had to see you again. Unsupervised. Preferably, naked, underneath him.

So, he goes to your house. Picks up a few pebbles and tries for several windows, cigarette in mouth, dark brown curls falling over his eyes. You’re bound to answer to one. He persists, until he sees light coming from the last window at the corner of the stone building, a familiar shadow through the curtains.

Taehyung waits. It’s well past midnight, and you look terrified, but so, so beautiful. Fuckable, in your pink robe and loose hair. He wants to climb up the wall and fuck you right there, against that very window. He wonders if you’d let him, if you’d let go for him.

“My goodness, what are you doing here, Taehyung?” A protective hand over your chest, you look down at him perplexed, but—excited.

He takes the cig out his mouth, flicks the ashes off. “I can’t stop thinking about you, darling.”

He sees your eyes widen, those kissable lips part in an inaudible gasp. He smiles fondly, the thought of you half asleep, still warm from dreams, stirring because of him and his uncontrollable desires—oh, he’d marry you right then if he could. Such were his feelings for you.

“But you can’t be here! My parents—wait, are you drunk?”

Oops. He stumbled forward, discarding his suit jacket, rolling the sleeves of his white shirt up to his forearms, stick between his lopsided lips.

“Guilty as charged, sweetheart,” he mumbles into the night. “I’m coming up.”

“Good lord, you’re not.”

“I am.”

A pause, as he begins his ascend up the front wall of your house. “You are a lunatic, Kim Taehyung. Absolutely.”

For you, perhaps. He’s climbed before, countless times actually, all involving rebellion and illegal activities, but no matter. This time he’s climbing for love, for a chance to get to know the real you, not the timid girl you are during the day, but the hidden side, the moon of you. He’d get it out of you, he’s good at that. And when he does, Taehyung will have his way with you. His cock stirs in the mere thought of it.

You make way for him to jump inside your bedroom, still shaken from the fact he can even do something like that. To see you. You must be dreaming. But no, that can’t be, because there he stands, in all his handsomeness, smelling of cigarettes and expensive cologne, curls bouncing with his every move. And he’s moving towards you.

“How is my favorite girl doing?”

Taehyung sees the flush on your bare neck, rising higher. He sees your hands coming together in front of you, as you instinctively step back from him, a prey in front of a hunter.

“This is inappropriate,” you mutter to yourself, blinking fast.

His lips curve slightly. “Yet, you let me in.”

Your eyes snap back at his. “I had no choice!”

He ignores this, instead familiarizes himself with your bedroom, the pastel colors, the minimal furniture, the piles of books. Your hairbrush, your mirror. Things you’ve used, things that smell like you. You were killing him, playing with the heartstrings of his goddamn heart. How can a girl so perfect as you, his promised fiancée, have someone else? Be touched by another man, loved by another man?

Jealousy has never felt uglier inside him.

“Tell me, sweetheart, what will your boyfriend say about me being here in the middle of the night?”

Your hip hits the corner of your desk, and you hiss quietly. You’re shocked by his words, and he doesn’t fault you. How could he know, after all. Right?

“Who told you this?” You question, and he grabs the end of your robe’s belt, feeling the lace of it.

“Confidential,” he replies simply. “You should know now, darling, I don’t share well. The woman that I’ll love will be my woman only.”

“Is that right?” You test him, he can see. A look of defiance so different from the submissive girl he met at that restaurant all those weeks ago.

He hums, enjoying your little power play. “That is exactly right, pretty thing. Care to elaborate on this secret of yours?” He kisses two fingers, places them on top of the place where his heart rests. “I promise it will stay with me.”

You don’t look convinced. You squirm and touch your hair. Another habit. You’re transparent to him, so easy to read, to decipher. Honest. Your ways do not betray you. To have someone to trust… it was incredibly valuable to Taehyung. Unheard of in the circles he ran, the family he was raised in. A salvation, then. You came to him as a small bird—what if he taught you how to fly?

“You don’t want to see me angry, sweetheart. Use your words,” he threatened, leaning against your closet, all the way on the other side of your bed, unmade and slept in.

In the dim light of your nightstand lamp, you looked dreamt up. Like a wet dream designed by his subconscious to haunt him, a personal Hell. To look but not to touch. Forbidden fruit, and everyone knows the story…

“I met him a year ago. He came for a routine check up on the power lines,” you started to explain, not moving an inch, afraid that if you did Taehyung would move as well. “I… He was kind to me. I’ve been seeing him secretly ever since.”

“Has he touched you?”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a simple question, darling, isn’t it? Has.he.touched.you?”

You huffed an incredulous laugh, as if offended. You answer anyway. “We’ve only kissed, not that it’s any of your business.”

Taehyung nods his head slowly, pointing at the pack he took out of his trousers’ pocket. “May I?” But he doesn’t wait. Lighter on the edge of the cigarette, he inhales the smoke deeply, blowing it towards the ceiling, pondering over the information in his head.

“Kindness,” he says. “Is a tricky thing, isn’t it? Makes you feel guilty if you don’t give it back, if you don’t return it.”

Closing the distance between your bodies, he sees you cowering in the corner, but those eyes are anything but scared. You have a bite, it’s in there. Taehyung wonders how he can bring it out, test it.

“He loves me,” you retort, and you’re trying to sound convincing.

The question is to whom?

“Sweetheart, I do not doubt for one fucking minute that a man could have a pretty little thing like you and not be completely enamored. Only a fool would waste the opportunity.” You stay quiet, watching him stop by the foot of your bed, nothing but a mere two steps separating you now.

“Maybe he does, chances are he doesn’t. It matters little to me,” he pins you down with a strict look. “You’re to stop seeing him. I’m not a charitable person—you belong to me now. Am I making myself clear?”

The mask crumbles, the wounded girl appears. Tears glisten in the faint warm glow of the room, and Taehyung finds himself wanting to wipe them away, make them disappear. He didn’t mean to hurt you, to make you cry. He’s drunk, and he’s jealous, and he’s falling in love.

He’s the bird in the cage, flapping its wings, terrified, starved of genuine affection. His deflecting can only camouflage this truth for so long. It will shoot out like a slap in the face to render him speechless, and it will be soon. But for right now, as he stands in front of you, all he wants is to taste those lips, to try molding them into his own.

“You are cruel, Kim Taehyung. Marrying you would be a tragedy and a punishment,” you mutter, fighting back sobs, chin quivering.

He smiles, but it’s all teeth, he’s a wolf, and it’s fake, it’s forced, and his hands are shoved deep in his pockets, fingers clenching into fists, cigarette butt bitten into to keep from lashing out. Not going after the engagement earlier had been a tragedy, having to deal with the aftermath of not trying to get to know his own fiancée the punishment. But you had been young, and he had been too preoccupied with easy pussy and pretentious art to care. Now you hate him, and it feels unfair.

“What if I told you this person was only after your money, darling? Would that make you see?”

“Lies.”

Taehyung exhales through his nose, nostrils flaring. “I don’t lie, sweetheart, if there’s one thing to know about me it’s this. I have proof. He’s been stealing from this family and has been feeding you fairytales.”

You attack then, heading straight for his face. He grabs both your wrists, and immobilizes you instantly, spitting the cigarette out in fear of burning you. You stare at each other for what feels like ages, both panting, neither backing down.

“You’re trying to poison me,” you spit at him, pure hatred spread across your beautiful face. “Lock me up.”

He softens immediately, blinking down at you, snapping out of it. “I fed you hot chocolate, ordered flowers to your house every single day since I met you,” he whispers, trying to make you see reason. “I’ve known you since you were playing hide and seek with my younger sister, a girl no older than nine years of age—I’ve never had a reason to lie to you, to trick you. All I’m doing is trying to protect you. Neither of us had any control over our relationship, (Y/N), and I am truly sorry for that. Be it as it may, I now have a responsibility to you, to keep you out of harm’s way, to be truthful.”

Tears roll down your cheeks, and you look so confused, so fucking split into what you want to believe and what is real, that Taehyung can only pull you into his arms, let you come to terms with the fact. You don’t fight, you don’t even say anything, you just sob into his shirt quietly, overtaken by heartbreak. He sits you both down on the bed, and you fall into his lap—so easily, like you’ve done this a thousand times. His thoughts drift further, and he chastises himself; you’re in a vulnerable position, it’s late. He should leave you alone.

For the life of him, he can’t find the will to do it.

“What I said still stands,” he mumbles into your hair. “I will not apologize for the way I am. For as long as you’re mine, no one else will have you. I will kill anyone who dares to attempt messing with you.”

You sniffle and sigh, tear-stained bloodshot eyes looking back at him. “I had no idea you were like this.”

One side of his mouth curves slightly, hands coming to push hair back from your face. “You’ll get used to me. Give it some time.”

Your gaze moves across his features, studying him. A breath away. If he leaned in just a bit, he could take your mouth in his, devour you whole. He almost does. The hope that you might want anything to do with him is holding him back from doing so.

“Okay,” you say, and he exhales.

“What?”

“Okay,” you repeat, fingers coming to wipe at the wetness on your cheeks. “I’ll give you a chance. Please don’t make me regret it.”

His body physically aches from the effort he puts not to pounce on your right then and there, so instead he settles for a kiss on the forehead, short and painful. Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut, begs for you to stop wiggling on him.

“I fucking swear, darling. I’ll be good to you.”

He’s never promised anything to any woman before. He finds himself wanting to keep good on his words this time.

It’s exactly two weeks after his little break and entering fiasco that the preparations for the engagement party begin.

Your mother seemed to know Taehyung had spent majority of that night with you, if he were to judge by her inquisitive looks and overall effort to never leave her daughter unattended around him. That was well enough—he was a creative and innovative man, he always seemed to find a way around rules and indiscreet eyes.

He takes you to a movie screening one afternoon, and stares at your animated expressions the entire time. He smokes twice as much to resist the urge of putting his hands on you. He desperately wants to; he craves having you in his arms again, yearns for that sweet scent, those soft thighs rubbing against his erection, your breasts against his firm chest. Taehyung dreams of you often, dreams of those untouched folds he’s never seen, never tasted—he’s a savage diving headfirst into them, licking every last drop of your wetness, inhaling the smell of your virgin cunt, and imagines your desire to be touched by a man, him, your soon to be husband.

He comes into his hand every morning, wishing his palm was you around his raw cock, allowing him to invade you, to ravage you. He weaves his time, reassuring himself—all in good time. He’ll have you for eternity soon, and no forever will be enough for all he’s planned on doing with you.

“Tell me, sweetheart, do you drink?”

You look at him, eyelashes flattering innocently. “No, not really,” you confess, and you appear so cute to him, then, that he must make a move, it cannot be helped.

Taehyung kisses your temple affectionately, stopping you both in your tracks in the bustling streets of the 7th Arrondissement. You lean in for just a moment, overtaken, and he considers it a triumph, a step towards the right direction. He’ll spend the rest of his life proving himself to you, if that’s what it takes, just so he can kiss you like this.

“We can’t have that, can we?” He rhetorically asks, and takes your hand in his, draping it over his forearm. “You’re with me, now, you must divulge in the few pleasures that life has to offer, my darling.”

“No one has offered to show me,” you confess shyly.

Show you he does. He takes you to the restaurant he frequents at and orders the bottle of wine he loves the most, along with dinner. Taehyung fills your glass and cuts your steak in bite sized pieces when it arrives. He advices you to sniff at the red colored alcohol first, before closing your eyes and having a taste.

You’re the most special kind of angel doing exactly as you’re told, taking a small sip of the aged wine. He watches, breath bated. When you open your eyes, the fascination on your face makes him smile brightly, proudly.

“Oh, it’s wonderful!”

“That’s my girl.”

Your fiancée leans back in his chair and lights a cigarette as you contently chew your food, drink your wine. He stares in awe, mesmerized by your genuine nature. You blush under his intense gaze.

“Won’t you eat?” You ask, biting your pink lips.

Taehyung can’t help but smirk at that. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’ll eat later, trust me.”

“You say it with such innuendo, I don’t understand—”

“Have you ever touched yourself, (Y/N)? Be honest with me.”

You choke on your food, eyes widening, coughing into your hand. Taehyung chuckles, offering you some water. You take it gratefully, chugging half the glass. He waits, amused, curious. A few people turn to look. He ignores them.

“That is not a proper question to ask a lady, Taehyung,” you scold him after you recover, fingers playing with your pearl necklace.

“You are to be my wife. I believe I can ask whatever I want,” he responds calmly.

You take a while to answer, instead turning to the wine for bravery.

“Why the interest?”

“Purely out of curiosity. I want to know what makes you feel good, sweetheart, for when I go down on that sweet cunt of yours.”

Your knife falls out of your hand and hits the floor at once. More people begin to tune into your conversation, intrigued. You look around, embarrassed and crouch to pick up your utensil. Taehyung turns his head to the side to blow smoke on the nosy woman on the table next to yours. She heaves, waving her hand and quickly minds her business.

“Did I say something to upset you?” He presses.

“You’re ridiculous and vulgar!” You half whisper, urging him to stop his teasing. “No one has ever spoken to me in this way.”

“Your boyfriend must’ve been a bore then, darling. I’m only stating my intentions. I would never dare to offend you.”

“It’s just as so.”

“Don’t be shy with me.”

“Yes!” You exclaim, and down the entire glass of wine. “Of course I have, who hasn’t? Now no more of this or I’m leaving.”

Taehyung shuts the fuck up at once.

He wishes he can say he was nothing but a total gentleman the entire evening, but that would a blatant fucking lie, wouldn’t it, because as soon as you get off the car to go into your house, he grabs you by the arm and kisses you deeply, hands ruining your hair. You moan and refute against his lips, but he holds you tighter, attempts to bruise your mouth so that you’d feel him there for a good fucking while.

He wishes he can say that had been all, but it wasn’t, because he takes you on the side of the building, covering you in shadows, and slips his hand under your dress, feeling your garters, touching the lace of your underwear. He rises your skirts, and fingers you right there, your parents just through the wall, wondering where their sweet little girl is.

You gasp and cling to him, bodies pressed together as he leaves you no room to think, to second guess, to breathe, even. He’s ruthless in his taking, selfish in his ambition to make you come for him, and so his digits curl in your slick, finding out the pleasure spots of you, desperate to have you screaming his name. You’re moving your hips towards his hand in no time, overwhelmed by how good it feels to have something inside you, fucking into you. Taehyung flattens his palm, and rubs your clit with the heel of it, long fingers edging you.

“Please, Taehyung… that feels too good, what are you doing to me?”

Your head falls on his shoulder, just as he hikes one of your thighs up his torso. He has half a mind to slam you down on his cock, fuck you in public, unashamed, outside your own fucking house, but he doesn’t, he won’t, because you’re important; because you matter, because he only wants to give you a little taste of what he can do for you.

“I’m stretching that little hole of yours, sweetheart. You’re so fucking wet for me, baby, so eager for my hand.”

Cupping you jaw, his tongue pushes past your lips in an open-mouthed kiss, eliciting more sounds from you, growing hotter, whinier, broken. Your pussy is making sounds too, all wet and filthy, and you seem to hear them as well, trying to pull away from his kiss, hide your face in his chest. He doesn’t let you, opens his eyes to see the pleasure written clearly on your features.

“You’ll come for me, won’t you, darling? All over my fingers? Let me see you, sweet thing, and then let me have a taste of those sweet juices. I bet you taste like pure fucking honey, I wanna bury myself in that cunt, drown in that cream. Won’t you give it to me, baby? C’mon, let go for me, let me see.”

When you come, you don’t seem to understand what you just did, what happened, and Taehyung is truly and completely awestruck by your innocence. He rubs circles on your clit until your body stops convulsing, and when he’s sure you’re okay to stand on your own, he kneels down in front of you on the dewy grass, gripping your hips, and diving in your folds, tongue lapping your slickness, so velvety, so goddamn tasty, before going for your clit, flicking the small bundle of nerves. You jerk away from him, the sensation unfamiliar. He brings you back, growls, grips tighter and does it again. And again. And again.

“Oh my God, I can’t, I can’t, I’m gonna—”

He moans against your cunt, uses his hand again to provide more friction for you to rub against. You do immediately, your pussy on fire, aching like never before, your stomach in knots. Then he starts mumbling like a mad man—I can feel it, sweetheart, let me have it, come in my mouth, give it to me my filthy fucking girl, my little slut, Heaven on earth on my tongue, I swear, one more, one more baby, come on.

You come again, and this time you see stars; your vision blurs, and you almost collapse on top of him, but Taehyung holds you up whilst not missing a single drop of your release, licking all over, chin coated in your juices, running down his neck. He fucking loves it all, loves you, loves your cunt. Then, he hears it.

Your dad calling out for you. While he’s still buried between your thighs, erection pressing against his trousers, his daughter fucked out and half naked for everyone to see. You panic immediately, pushing your skirt down, looking at the direction of the voice worried, dizzy still from your orgasms.

Taehyung pulls your panties over your core, and gets up quickly, giving you one last kiss before slapping your ass. You hit his chest alarmed, anxiety ridden.

“Go first, darling. I’ll see you later.”

“But—”

He fixes you with a stern look. “Be a good girl.”

You hesitantly go, your hand dropping from his. He hates having to let go of you like this but doesn’t want to get you in trouble with your father, either. He waits a bit for both voices to disappear behind doors, before going back to his car, parked a couple houses back. Taehyung can barely think straight with all the blood rushing to his cock.

He rubs himself like that, with the thought of you coming undone over him, your taste still in his mouth. When he spits into his palm, he imagines your perfect lips wrapping around his shaft, taking his entire length into your small hole, gagging over his girth. He barely cares for anyone passing, or his indecency.

He wants to fuck you raw, fuck you dumb. Put a ring on your finger, and knock some babies in you, then die a happy man.

All in good time.

With guests arriving and gifts piling up, Taehyung hadn’t got a single chance to talk to you. Just a quick hello and peck on the cheek, before your mothers dragged you away to fix your dress and powder your face up to her standards.

You’d grimaced at him as you were taken to the guest room of his house, and he gave you a small smile in return. This day was most important to them, a celebration of two of the most powerful and influential families in all of France, so in that way, you had to look your best, and even then, your best didn’t guarantee perfection.

Taehyung thought you looked fucking stunning in your champagne-colored gown, crystals cascading down your hair. A wish, or a dream, or both. He can only imagine what you’d look like in your wedding dress, walking towards him down the aisle, given to no one but him, his to love, to cherish, to protect, and to fuck. He gets excited with the mere thought, the prospect of having you all to himself, to do whatever he pleases.

His father slaps him on the shoulder once, already more than three glasses of bourbon in; he had a buzz about him, a friendly aura, when he was drunk. It was easier to talk to him, then, in his relaxed state. But Taehyung had nothing to say—not to him, at least. He’d been a pain in the fucking ass all these years, and now when it’s time to do his duty and marry into a good family, all of a sudden, he’s the picture-perfect authority.

Bullshit. He loosens his tie a little, the noose suddenly entirely too tight around his neck, and puts the cigarette back in between his fingers, running a hand through his tidy hair, with the brushed back curls.

At first, greeting people had been easy enough. All he had to do was stand right next to you and shake hands. He doesn’t know when the air got so unbearably stifling, or when the faces all started blurring into each other, smiles melting off as if acid had been thrown onto them. Taehyung squeezes that hand he has around your waist, and you look up in concern. The music is too loud, the lights are too bright, and who the fuck keeps banging on his head?

“Tae?” You ask, delicate hands taking his pale face in them. “You’re overwhelmed,” you conclude, staring into his eyes. Then to your mother, “We’re gonna go get some fresh air.”

“Right now?” She chastises but doesn’t object. Perhaps Taehyung looks worse than he feels. “Be back soon, honey. You need to give your toasts, so we can bring out the cake.”

“Yes, mother.”

Like magic, his migraine disappears the moment you leave the living room. Your soft hand in his, leading him to privacy—all he needed, all he wanted. Your plan is to take him to the garden, have the crispy autumn air hit him, bring him back from his anxiety. But it wasn’t stress that made him unwell; it was those people, the fact that he knew none of them, and yet they got to congratulate him, to stare at his bride as if she’s nothing more than a piece of meat, something with an expiration date.

They think that Kim Taehyung won’t be faithful. That he’ll grow bored, and once he gives you a couple children, will try everything in his power to stay as far away as possible from you. The assumptions of a life he left far behind the moment he bought you that chocolate croissant were haunting him, karma coming to bite him. He was no longer that person they’ve heard so many rumors about it, nor does he wish to ever be, ever again.

You were his future now. His life. He was completely devoted to you. You had to know this.

Before you can reach for the balcony door, he pulls you into the library, locking the door behind him. You let out a gasp as he pushes you against the cold glass of the window that run across the wall, overlooking the majestic garden his mother and housekeepers had built. Taehyung smiles and puts both his arms on either side of you, his thumbs caressing your temples tenderly.

“I thought you weren’t well,” you mutter, blinking up at his handsome face.

“You always make me feel better.” He inches closer.

“Is that so?”

“Mhm.” And then he kisses you.

Gently, softly. Small feathery pecks, admiring the way you bloomed for him, under his touch. The party was gearing up, he could hear the melody change to something more upbeat, so he figured he could steal a few more moments with you, alone. His mind ran a thousand miles per hour.

“I want you to know, sweetheart, I want you to hear it from me directly, and believe me always when I say—I’ll be a good husband to you. I will always put you first, above my own self, whatever you need. Count on me, let me be a man that’s deserving of an angel like you,” he whispers against your lips, watches as your eyes glisten with tears of joy.

He kisses them away, then kisses your brow. You giggle, a sound holier than church bells. He would give you anything, then. His baby, his darling. Anything.

“I’m going to take advantage of you now— I can’t fucking wait any longer, you have me by the fucking balls, sweetheart.”

Your hands instinctively go for his shoulders, as he roughly pulls your dress up your legs, over your hips, those long fingers dipping underneath your silk panties, feeling that smooth pussy with his open palm. Taehyung groans into your neck, sucking on the sensitive skin there. He wanted to mark you, show everyone you’re his, but not now. You’d be too embarrassed to go back out, face all those guests.

Your cunt wasn’t shy, though. It coated his fingers with your slick wetness, opened up for him to have his way. So obedient, so fucking sexy—oh, he’d fuck you. Right against this window, for anyone that was outside to see. He didn’t give a fuck. You drove him crazy with how ready you always seemed to be, your body betraying any sort of rebuttal from you.

“Tell me baby, have you touched yourself since I was in between these legs?” As his middle finger slips inside your tight entrance. “Have you thought of me while rubbing this pretty pussy? Be honest with me, sweetheart.”

“Yes,” a breathy moan against his collarbone, as your hand wraps around the nap of his neck. “Yes.”

He’s a gone man, then. A girl as perfect as you, his promised girl, admitting to pleasuring herself with the thought of him? Taehyung almost wants to apologize for who he was about to become.

“Turn around for me, darling.”

You’re scared, overthinking the position, but with one last flick on your clit, you’re drenching his entire hand, rubbing on his forearm like a starved slut.

“I’ll take care of you, baby, I got you, I promise.”

“Will it hurt?” You ask quietly, and he shushes you, kisses away your worry.

“It might, angel. But you’re my strong girl, aren’t you? Bite on my hand if the pain is too much.”

He holds your hips aligned with his erection and unzips his trousers, pumping himself a few times, using your slick to coat his length. Taehyung then puts a hand over your mouth, and you hold onto it with both of your own, inching your ass closer to his cock absentmindedly, your body obviously wanting this as much as he does.

“Fuck me, you’re a fucking dream like this, darling, let me see you. Do that again.”

You do, the white garters and stockings you have on the sexiest thing he’s ever seen in his goddamn life. He’s seen a lot of pussy, but nothing compares, could ever compare to yours. Sliding his rock-hard length against your folds, he circles an arm around your waist, your knees already giving out. Taehyung chuckles, kisses your shoulder blade softly. What an adorable girl, so innocent in the ways of pleasure, all the different ways your senses can come alive.

“Take a deep breath for me, sweetheart.”

He enters you at once, what little resistance there was giving way. You scream into his hand, and he presses his chest on your back, fingers pressing against your mouth to keep you quiet. Stilling for a second, brows furrowing, aching to pound into you, to fuck you senseless, he then pulls all the way out, and thrusts back in, the tightness feeling incredible against his girth.

“Christ baby, where have you been my entire fucking life?”

You whimper, and push back, wanting to be as close to him as possible. “Faster, Taehyung, please.”

He needn’t be told twice. He stays inside you, picking up his pace, fucking into the deepest part of you, both arms wrapping around your waist, breathing labored, watching as you place two manicured hands on the glass, trying to keep yourself upright. He praises you, tells you how good you’re doing, how fucking perfect you are for him, taking cock so well, a natural, a good little slut, his baby, so proud of you, so fucking proud.

“Look at you, shameless, getting fucked for the whole world to see. You’re a filthy fucking girl, angel, aren’t you? All you want is to come on my cock, don’t you?”

“Please…”

Taehyung wants to grab you by the hair, drill himself into your hole, shape it to fit his dick exactly, to mark his place there so that you could never leave him, never let any other man in that sweet fucking place. Instead, he watched the crystals bounce, your tits smashed against the glass, corset keeping them in place.

“Please? Use your words, darling. What do you want?” He demands, bending you at the waist more, feeling his release getting closer.

“You, please, more, more!”

When his digits drop down to your clit again, you’re a crying mess, begging to be filled with cum, filled by him, to the brim, until you can’t take no more, and he gives it all to you, he’s generous, he slams one, two, three—your head falls in ecstasy, as he shoots his load inside of your insatiable hole, balls emptying all he’s been holding back for you.

He rests his head on your lower back, sweat dripping into his eyes, stinging. He kisses you over the flashy fabric of your dress, hands resting above your womb, thinking about seeing your swollen belly, carrying his child, a beautiful mommy.

Taehyung helped you get decent, tucking himself back in his pants, straightening his suit vest, passing a hand over his combed hair, and turned you around in his arms for a last kiss. Only this one was more intense; unlike any other kiss he’s ever experienced. It was emotional, carrying the trust and love you’ve grown to have for him, the most precious thing he could ever ask for.

“I’ve loved you since I met you, sweetheart,” he whispers sweetly in your ear, pulling back to see your reaction.

You flushed, hiding on his shoulder. He smiles fondly at your action and keeps you there for a while. Some time has passed since you two supposedly went to the gardens, and he didn’t want your mother to start an entire search party for the both of you, so he halfheartedly suggested to return to the living room.

Admittedly, there was no possible way to hide you two had sex. His mother shook her head as he brought you to stand in front of the two-tiered vanilla frosted cake, attached to your hip.

“I’ll love you til the day I die,” he promises later, in front of everyone, slipping a diamond ring on your finger. “Mine to hold, mine to keep.”

#taehyung #bts taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #bts scenarios #bts smut #taehyung fanfics #taehyung imagines #bts fanfics #taehyung fics #bts fics #taehyung imagine #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #bts x reader #taehyung x reader #.mine

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beomcoups · 26 days

Text

Caller #17

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: basketball player!Soonyoung x college dj reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, angst, 90s au

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: PG-13

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing, talks of tough family dynamics, bit of heavy angst, kissing

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 8.8k

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You could easily name 10 things that you hate about him. But when you bond over music and families, you realize there's more to him than meets the surface.

𝐀𝐍: This was not an easy fic. It took me way longer than I planned to write, and the story I had mapped out went in a different direction. I still feel proud of this one, my longest fic yet, and I hope that you will enjoy it too 🥹 This is a part of my very own Now That's 90's collab hosted by me and @mingsolo. Thank you to @wooahaeproductions for reading this over and @hobeemin for making a banner for me at the last minute 💙

“Thank you for calling into C.A.R.A.T radio! What’s your song of the week?” “Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve!” “You got it! Thanks for calling into C.A.R.A.T radio at 526 AM.” Hitting play on the record, the orchestra's melody hits your ears, sending you into an out-of-body experience, your soul floating to cloud nine. The hairs on the back of your neck stand every time the song is played, and you imagine yourself playing the violin, getting lost in the beautiful and complicated sinfonia. Working at the college radio station was your life. It’s the only place to lose yourself to TLC, Nirvana, and Weezer for hours without judgment. You are in your 3rd year of college, getting your bachelor’s in music theory so you can be one of the most prominent songwriters in the world. While everyone in high school didn’t know what they would be doing with their life, you always imagined yourself getting a Grammy for Song of the Year on stage. That is your real passion: creating musical poetry for the masses.

You slowly take the headphones off and set them down, looking at the big clock plastered on the wall. You let out a heavy sigh, sad that your time at the station is ending. You are allotted two hours a day on Saturday as a part of credit for your program. If you had it your way, you would be here daily, listening to your favorite records and writing songs between commercial breaks.

“Hey,” your professor Kim calls out from her office. “Come in here before you leave.”

You gather your things to leave, looking at the station one last time before entering the smaller space. This isn’t her regular office, but it has everything you think you would need: a desk, a comfortable chair, and bookshelves full of books and ornaments for decoration. You have spent a lot of time in here, pitching new ideas for the station and getting turned down every single time.

“What's up?” You sit in the chair opposite of her.

“So we will be introducing a new segment to the radio where callers can call in and ask for advice about anything, and then you can recommend a song based on what they are calling in about.:” She pauses to take a sip of water. “I want you to be a part of it.”

You don’t answer right away. You are peeved that Professor Kim wants you to head any segment. You have never shown any initiative to want to talk to anyone who calls in besides listening to music. It’s just not your thing. You are a loner at heart, and that’s how you plan to stay.

“Why me?” You finally speak up. “There are other people who are better at this than I am. Hell, ask Emily. She has been foaming at the mouth to talk about anything other than music.”

“Because you are who I want,” she shrugs. “I see how you look when you talk about your favorite releases. You go deep with the lyrics and how you can relate that to any part of your life. You are more than the person behind the voice, and it’s time other people see that.” “Well, I am not trying to be the next Oprah or Ricki Lake,” you scoff. I just want to play music, write my songs, and do whatever I need to do for the class.”

“No one said you would be the next talk show anything,” Professor Kim retorted. “This will be considered a project, and it’s worth 20% of your grade. Plus, when you are in the industry and have sessions with the artists about the song's lyrics, don’t you need to talk to them about their life and what they need? Think about that.” You nod, feeling defeated because you know you can’t talk your way out of this. You know she is right, but you will never admit it. “Plus, it’ll be a good idea to get out of your shell and work on those social skills,” she says. “We will start in a couple of weeks, so get your mind ready because before you know it, you will be there.” You nod and leave the office, your stomach grumbling loudly as you put your headphones on and listen to the latest Backstreet Boys release. It’s a quarter past seven, and dusk officially sets in the sky as you walk across campus. Working at the radio station is the highlight of your week, as you can’t play music loud at your dorm without others complaining. Fortunately, your dorm is set where you have your own space, but the walls are thin, and you can hear everything. You considered buying noise-canceling foam to cover your door but were told it was “against” the rules. Whatever. Your stomach rumbles again, and you are determined to get a burger and fries in your stomach and drink an Oreo milkshake. You cross the street, open your bag, and grab your wallet before being met with a screeching halt from a car in front of you, its headlights blaring in your eyes. “What the fuck?” You mouth at the driver. The driver pokes his head out the window, and you instantly recognize him as Soonyoung, the star point guard of the basketball team. His black Jeep is crowded, full of guys and girls, with Usher blasting through the speakers. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” he waves. “Yeah, no shit,” you retort, walking to the end before the car pulls off. Jeers and boos could be heard, but you could care less. People like that always get in your way no matter what. You avoid people like that as much as people, as you don’t want to be mixed in with that crowd. Soonyoung will eventually go pro and live the NBA life, whereas you will be on the stage accepting awards, with millions of people cheering your name.

The segment started as planned, and you sat and listened to every caller asking for advice. Most of them wanted advice on how to ask someone out for a date, makeup, and things you didn’t care about. The only thing that made it worth it was you got to pick the music to go with the advice, which allowed you to show off your taste in music, from Britney Spears to Mandy Moore, Usher, Sugar Ray, etc. It made the time go by faster as well. You look through the glass, and Professor Kim gives you a thumbs up to take the last call. Letting out a sigh of relief, you let the call ring a few times before you answer. “Welcome to C.A.R.A.T radio. You are lucky caller number 17. What’s on your mind?” “H-hello?” a tenured male voice booms through the speakers. You groan, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. “You’ve reached C.A.R.A.T radio! What’s on your mind?”

“Hey. You can use this line to ask for advice, right?”

“Yep,” you say, a bit annoyed. “Whatcha got?”

There is a lengthy pause, your fingers tapping dramatically on the soundboard. You raise an eyebrow at the professor, who shrugs and walks out of your view. You hear shuffling in the background, followed by what sounds like something being sipped from a cup.

“S-sorry, I am a bit nervous,” he apologizes. “It’s my first time calling in.”

“It’s alright,” you reassure him. “I know how it is. How can I help?”

“So I already have this path carved out for me by my family and everyone who cares about me. Sports is all I have known all my life, and I have worked very hard to get here.” He stops for a brief second. “Everyone expects me to act like this all-star college boy, and no one ever talks to me about anything else than sports, and I am starting to hate it.”

“Do you mind telling me what kind of sports you’re in?”

“I play ball.”

“Okay, that's good. Well, what is it that you want?”

“I’m tired of being what everyone wants me to be: this golden retriever everyone loves. I just want to be me.” You understood how he felt. Maybe not in sports, but people pushing you to be something you’re not. You come from a family of doctors and lawyers who expected you to be the same. “Get good grades so you can get into an Ivy League school” is all you heard growing up. When you were seven, you expressed interest in music, sitting in front of the family piano on Christmas and playing Jingle Bells, which you learned on your own. Your parents cared for a while, putting you in piano lessons and taking you all over the state for recitals. They figured if you kept this up until high school, it would look good on college applications, but nothing that they took you seriously for. It wasn’t until you learned how to play the guitar in secret that you fell in love with how the strings strummed against your fingers that you realized that your passion is music. Thanks to your choir teacher, you had a good voice and kept it in tune while practicing writing music. You soon sang in front of the school, getting high praise from people all over for your voice and how you would “make it big one day.” Your parents insisted that it was just a phase and that eventually you would become a doctor and make a “real” living. You were determined to prove them wrong by applying to one of the best music schools and getting in on a full ride. You did that, but it came with a cost: being cut off by everyone in your family but your grandparents. They believed in you from the beginning and made sure you were okay. You will pay them back in tenfold one day. “Hello?” the deep voice cut through your thoughts. “Y-yeah, sorry,” you snap back into focus. “Do you want my advice?” “Yeah, I do,” you hear him clear your throat. ‘I think you should be who you want to be. It may feel a little different at first, but eventually, you will be happier being yourself.” “I mean…” he pauses for another second. “How do I go about that? How do I show people the real me?” “Hmm,” you think out loud. “Why don’t you try easing into it? Start a random conversation about something you are interested in that no one knows about. Gauge their reactions, and if they treat you weirdly, then start making new friends. It might be a little harder with your family, but they will come around. But either way, it’s exhausting having to hide yourself at the time. It’s the 90s and a new era!” “Yeah,” he says slowly. I’ll try that.Thanks.” “No problem!” You say. “Check out this song that’ll hopefully speak to your heart. This is me signing off on CARAT Radio, 800am.” You played “You Gotta Be” by Des’ree, a personal favorite, closing out the end of your segment. Admittedly, it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. Sure, some questions were annoying, but it allowed you to pass on music to people and help them get over whatever. You can’t call that a total loss. You push the mic to the side and leave the room, checking in with your professor before leaving. “Great job,” she leaned back into her seat. “You were well-spoken and composed, and the music selections were excellent. Have you thought about being a radio DJ?” “NO,” you snort. “I want to be more behind the scenes, writing songs and getting Grammys.” “Okay, okay,” Professor Kim chuckles. “But don’t rule it out. You are a natural at it.” You nod and head out the door with a small smile. Getting complimented about your work feels good, but you rule out being a radio DJ. You deal with people if you have to, but you prefer to have time for yourself a lot of times. You’re just introverted like that. However, that last call was in the back of your mind. You just want to live and succeed at your dream job. It was nice knowing someone out there felt the same way you did.

Before you knew it, a few weeks had passed, and you had secretly liked doing the segment every Saturday, talking to people from different backgrounds and listening to their troubles. You had a song for every call, and you bragged to your professor at the end of your shift that you had impeccable taste. The analytics showed that more people were tuning in during your segment than at any other time on the radio. Not gonna lie; it stroked your ego quite a bit.

The mystery guy called in on Saturdays, ironically being caller #17 every time. He would call and ask for advice about getting his grades up, coming out of his comfort zone, trying new things, etc. You got to know him a little, see how he solves problems, and see his sense of humor. You have no idea what he looked like, but you imagined he was just your type, like a Keanu Reeves, Theo Mizuhara, or Merlin Santana. Is it crazy that you sometimes daydream about a man you never met?

Today was the last day of the advice segment, and everyone called in with their usual advice and well wishes. Like clockwork, the mystery guy was caller #17. His breathing was labored when you answered, followed by a clunk of metal hitting the floor. “Welcome to C.A.R.A.T radio. You are lucky caller number 17. What’s your damage?”

“H-hey.” You know it was him; the sound of his voice was familiar to you. You shift in your seat, sitting straight and placing your elbows on the desk. You try to keep a poker face, your professor watching you with curious eyes. “Hey there,” you clear your throat. “How can I help?” “I heard today is the last day to ask for advice,” he says. “I can’t say I won’t miss calling and hearing your voice every Saturday.” “Oh yeah?” you chuckle. “ That’s good to know. Well, what is the last piece of advice that I can give you?” “So, there is this girl,” he starts. “I really like her. She’s cute, a bit of a hard ass, and I really like her mind. She’s not like anyone that I’ve met. How do I ask her out?” “Does she know you exist?” “Yeah. I almost ran into her once, but we talked a lot.” “Ah. Do you think she might like you?” “I-I’m not sure,” he stutters. “We get along and everything and we have some things in common. I just don’t know if she would be into me.” “Okay, well, it wouldn’t hurt to ask her out? The worst that can happen is that she says no; at least you’d know.” “Yeah,” he sighs. “I’m nervous as hell, that’s all. Have you dated anyone before?” You are taken aback, your professor raising her eyebrows through the glass. You nod, licking your lips before responding. “I’ve dated here and there,” you say slyly. “It wasn't anything serious. What about you?” ‘Um, yeah, I have,” he snorts.

“Well, there you go then, tiger.” You’re clearly entertained by this conversation. “Remember how you felt when you asked the other girls out, and apply that same confidence to this girl. You never know. She might say yes.” “Okay, I will take your word for it. Thank you.” “Not a problem!” You beam. “Here is the last song I leave you with: ’ 4-page letter’ by Aaliyah. Have a good night, ya’ll.”

You play the final track of the night, setting down the headphones while Professor Kim claps her hands in applause. You roll your eyes playfully, pushing your chair onto the desk and exiting the booth. You feel light as a feather, dopamine taking over your body as you meet your professor in her office. “Great job,” she smiles. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” “Maybe,” you plop down on a chair. “It was fun giving out music suggestions.” “Mhmm,” she nods. “Well, get out there and enjoy your Saturday. I will see you in class on Friday.” You grab your things and leave the station, your stomach rumbling and your mouth parched. It’s after 8, and the nearest thing open is the local pizza joint with the best pepperoni pizza with the cheesiest cheese you’ve ever had. You go there often, and the owners, Dante and Gabriella, get your order ready before you sit down. “The usual?” they always ask, knowing that you are a creature of habit. Aside from your grandparents, they were the closest thing to family to you, always making sure your pizza was hot and crispy with a tall cup of Coke to go with it. They asked about your studies, and Gabriella always asked when you’d get a boyfriend.

“Ah, stop it, amore mio,” Dante jokingly shushes her. “She has all her life to find the love of her life.”

More people started coming in, and they left you to your food and your walkman. You gleefully put Parmesan cheese over your pizza, taking the first bite and feeling instant gratification. A slice of heaven, literally. You take your headphones on, listening to Kurt Cobain croon on Nirvana’s Something In The Way. The “Nevermind” album got you through some tough times, especially when your family cut off communication with you. It hurt you and made you feel isolated and misunderstood. On the outside, your mom and dad put on this persona of being open-minded and willing to do anything for the family. Why were you the exception? You feel the tears well up, and you get yourself together before people start to notice, eating the rest of your pizza before you call it a night. You look around, seeing people on dates or hanging out with their friends, and you miss that. You had friends back home, but you all split up before you went to college. Who knows what their lives are like now. It’s not like you are visiting home anyway. You clean up your mess and walk into the bathroom, relieving yourself and washing your hands before returning to your dorm. You looked at yourself in the mirror: your jean jacket covered your black button-up shirt, shorts, and stockings underneath. Your eyes were slightly red, a contrast from your fresh face. Stifling a yawn, you leave and wave goodbye to Dante, opening the side door and bumping into someone in the process. You look up, facing Soonyoung, his cheerful eyes meeting yours. “We gotta stop meeting like this,” you mutter, backing up and adjusting your jacket. “Yeah, we shouldn’t,” he responds, opening the door to let you out. Your head snaps up, half expecting him to not hear you. You rake your fingers through your hair, walking out of the restaurant. He’s a handsome guy, you can admit that, with his fresh, faded haircut and trendy clothes. You get why he is popular with everyone. “I’m sorry for almost hitting you with my car the other day,” he calls out. “It’s alright,” you turn around. “Just don’t make it a habit.” “Alright.” He chuckles and goes inside, and you speed walk to your dorm. Did I just flirt with him? You think to yourself. What the fuck was that? You aren’t even interested in Soonyoung in that way. You two are the two opposites of each other. You’re clearly losing your mind.

The cool air calms you down, and the slight breeze underneath the moonlight keeps you at bay until you get to your building. It’s Saturday night, and everyone’s out; the only sound being heard is your boots hitting the tiled floor as you walk down the hallway to your dorm. Unlocking your door, you notice an envelope tucked underneath it. You sit on the bed, open it, and pull out a letter. I know this isn't a four-page letter, but I like you. You’re funny, have good jams, and are down to earth. Did I say that you’re cute? I like talking to you every Saturday and don’t want it to stop.

I want to take you out to a concert on Friday. I’ll pick you up at 4 at your dorm. I know you've said yes if you’re there when I arrive. —Caller #17

“What do you think of this?” Your former roommate and good friend, Nikki Prince, holds up a black leather jacket in your size. You asked her to go shopping with you for an outfit for tomorrow's impending date, and you needed another set of eyes. She majors in architecture and design but models on the side thanks to her striking looks. A tall, tanned skin and green-eyed beauty, she now lives with her much older chef boyfriend, Caelan, but whenever you need her, she’s always there. She’s French, stylish, and brutally honest. You loved that about her. “I dig that,” you take it from her and try it on. It fits you just right. It would be chilly, so you bought new boots, a white shirt, and black jean shorts to wear with black stockings underneath. You wanted to be comfortable as you would be on your feet all night.

“Are you sure about this date?” Nikki’s foreign accent comes through. “How do you know this guy isn’t some serial killer? We’ve all seen Scream.” “Gee, thanks, mom,” you roll your eyes. “If he tries anything with me, I’ll just show him the moves I learned from the YMCA.”

“I’m serious. This is risque for you, no?” You shrug, slowly taking off the jacket and heading to the cashier. “I get your point, and if anything happens, I can defend myself. But I have a feeling that it won’t happen.” You greet the cashier and pay for the jacket. “I’ll call you before I leave and tell you about it the next day. Deal?” Nikki nods, and you both walk out of the store, satisfied with what you bought. The mall is busy for a Thursday night, with young adults frolicking at stores like Rave and Wet Seal, looking for the latest fashion trends. The mall isn’t really your scene, as you prefer to thrift shop for your clothes. You have been lucky to find some hidden gems there, especially since you are on a limited budget. Nikki, however, said it was a special occasion, and you quote, “You are not going on a date in someone else’s vêtements.”

You stop at Auntie Anne’s, buying a massive pretzel with cheese on the side, while Nikki opts for a small lemonade. You offer her a piece, which she declines, saying her boyfriend, Caelan, will make her dinner later. “How is that going, by the way?” You sit down at a table. “It’s going good,” she enthuses, raking her fingers through her long black tresses. “He’s so mature and sophisticated. Imagine not having to cook and clean after a man and have good sex.” “Well, yeah, he’s about six years older,” you remark. He better know a thing or two if he wants to keep his model.” Nikki gloats as you finish your pretzel, talking about the elaborate French dishes her boyfriend makes for her and how he worships the ground she walks on. Since you’ve known her, she has always been opinionated and refused to associate with people within your age group. Whenever you see her in the hallways, she always talks with teachers or ignores the lustful looks of college boys. You two got on well because you were roommates, and both were Scorpio risings. You understood each other. “Oh shoot, I better head back to the flat,” Nikki says, looking at her watch. Caelan is going to be home soon, and he is making steak frites tonight.”

“Yeah, I gotta head to the dorm anyway. Early class tomorrow.”

You walk out of the mall into the chilly night air. She offers you a ride home, and you decline at first, saying that you will walk as it's pretty close. But a slight wind blows, bringing chills down your spine.

“Wait,” you shout after her. “I’ll take that ride.”

The ride was short and quiet, your mind occupied with your date with this mystery stranger. Nikki was right, you don’t know him, and he could be this crazy guy. But you’re also excited; the butterflies haven’t left your stomach since Saturday. You feel like you know him, and you don’t even know his name. He is just caller #17.

She pulls up to your building, and you hug her, preparing to run inside and shower. You know Nikki is still worried and means well, even if she sometimes acts like an overbearing old sister.

“Come over tomorrow at two if you can,” you announce. “You can help me get ready and meet my date in case anything goes crazy.”

“Alright,” Nikki seems relieved. “I’ll be there.”

You shut the door and shout your goodbyes before sprinting inside.

“Love you!”

“Yeah, yeah!”

The next day went fast, like a blur. You slept past your alarm and woke up after twelve, making you two hours late.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK,” you shout as you scrambled out of bed and tripped over a blanket. You throw on a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater from the University, your hair in a wild ponytail as you brush your teeth and high-tailed it out the door. You ran to class, forming an apology along the way, your heart beating out of your chest. You are met, however, with a closed door and a white paper plastered on the door:

NO CLASS TODAY. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND.

“Really?” You huffed, leaning against the wall. It’s not like you are late for class; your alarm was

set despite you being up late last night. But whatever, fuck it. You aren’t about to let this ruin your day.

The leaves flow softly with the wind as you walk back to your dorm, the sun playing hide and seek in the clouds. All you can think about is tonight and what concert you are going to. Maybe it’s a huge concert, and that’s why he is picking you up early… or perhaps it’s a local indie band at a bar. Your mind runs with endless possibilities, excitement pumping through your veins. You aren’t a hopeless romantic or a love-at-first-sight kind of person, but something about this person makes you feel good… like you finally have someone who can relate to you on some level. Granted, you have only talked with him on the phone, but you have a gut feeling and are rarely wrong about these things. You finally return to your dorm and take a well-needed shower, washing and detangling your hair with much-needed privacy. Your dorm has shared showers; you usually take them when everyone is asleep at night. Fortunately, there were only a few people, allowing you to have time for yourself. You allow yourself to think of the water running down your body as him, his hands caressing your body, his lips maybe touching yours— “Is anyone in here?” You snap out of your daydream quickly, and the water turns cold right on queue. “Y-yeah?” “I am here to clean the showers,” a woman’s voice calls from the door. “O-okay, give me a second.” Cursing silently, you quickly step out and dry yourself, throwing on your robe and grabbing your shower caddy before exiting the bathroom. You are met by an older woman wearing a shirt representing your college and sweats, with cleaning supplies in tow. “You were in there for a while,” she remarks as she sets out the wet floor sign. Do you have a hot date tonight?” “Something like that,” you shrug. You walk back to your room, and to your surprise, Nikki is outside your door. “You’re early,” you remark, unlocking the door. “Yes, I know,” she said. “But we will need more than two hours to get yourself right.” “You act like I can’t dress myself,” you scoff. “I just wanted your company, that’s all.”

“Oh yeah? Mon ami, when was the last time you changed your makeup?” You open your mouth to rebuttal but close it immediately. You hate to say it, but Nikki’s right. It’s not like you are going anywhere besides school, the music store, and the pizzeria. “Exactly,” Nikki says, setting her stuff down on her bed. “I went and got you makeup close to your teint, just in case.” She pulls out brand-new makeup from Revlon from mascaras, concealers, powders, and assortments of lipsticks of my choosing. She also bought nail polishes, saying it was time to add some color to your life. As much as you want to roll your eyes at her, she is right. As harsh as Nikki seems sometimes, she has a big heart and always looks out for you when you least expect it. You know a thing or two about style, but she takes it to a whole different level and isn’t shy about giving advice on it. You appreciate her so much. Being honest with yourself, you are nervous as hell. You have had crushes before, but you have never been pursued like this, where someone likes you enough to ask you out formerly, even if it was via a note. This person cares about your mind or seems to. You aren’t sure how to feel; you want to be excited and have a good time, but you have a wall up for a reason. You don’t want to be disappointed again like your family has. You figured if the people you love the most can abandon you like that, there is no hope for you out there. You lived with that hard truth for a long time, and you were content with that. But god, this guy has you curious. “What’s on your mind?” Nikki finishes with your makeup and hair, gazing at you through the mirror. “Butterflies in my stomach are killing me,” you grimace. “I can’t believe I am even doing this.” “Oh, relax,” she blows a raspberry. “You always do this thing where you talk yourself out of things you deserve. Stop that. D'accord? “Yes, mother,” you tease. She sucks her teeth, and you get dressed, putting on the new clothes you bought and your black leather boots. Checking out your appearance, you are satisfied with your look, and Nikki gives you a thumbs up while she cleans up. Knock, Knock! You look at the door, the butterflies fluttering deeper in your stomach. You look in the mirror one last time as Nikki opens the door, a brief silence followed by a heart chuckle. “Mon ami, your date is here.”

You see him, and you're stunned. It dawns on you why he’s here, and you feel your heart drop all the way to your ass. This has to be some kind of joke. “Soonyoung? What are you doing here?” He walks more into your view, wearing a grey jean jacket with matching pants. His right hand is in his pocket, and he has a small bouquet of irises in his other hand. “I’m here to take you to the concert?” Nikki is behind him, trying to keep her composure and mask her giggles. Of all the people you thought would show up, Soonyoung was the LAST person on your mind. This is the person who was calling in every Friday and wanting to talk to you? Yeah fucking right. “What happened?” you accost him. “Did you lose some bet, and you had to ask me out? Or do you feel bad for almost hitting me with your car?” “No?!” he scoffs, clearly offended. “I mean, yes, I feel bad about almost hitting, but no one dared me to do anything. Do you think I am that kind of person?” “Well, yes.” You wish you could take back what you said, but it was too late. You knew you hurt his feelings, the crestfallen look on his face saying it all. “This was a mistake,” he sighs dejectedly. “Sorry, I wasted your time.” He handed Nikki the flowers and walked away, the air feeling thick and awkward. You couldn’t even look at her in the eyes. You knew you fucked up. “Well, that was awkward,” you huff. “And shitty.” You raise an eyebrow at her, and she stares you down. You don’t want to feel worse than you already do, and Nikki isn’t helping. “Honestly, I think the guy was telling the truth,” Nikki surmises. “He looked like a sad puppy.” You think about this caller #17 guy who would call in every week and share his thoughts with you about everything, with you having to do very little. You think about how scared he felt about being his true, authentic self and how much courage it probably took to ask you out. You know you are a tough cookie to crack and understand better than anyone how it feels to go against the grain and be who you are. “I fucked up Nik,” you slump on your bed. “Yeah, you did.” God, you hate her bluntness sometimes, but she’s right. You need to go find him and make this right. “Do you think he’s still here?” you ask, sitting up and grabbing your purse. “He couldn’t have left that fast.” “Only way to find out is to get off your ass and find him,” she says, pulling your arm. “Go find your guy.” You both rush out of your dorm, jogging down the hallway and out of the building, looking for a silhouette of him. You were scared you missed him and felt defeated, not seeing any sight of him anywhere. Surveying the area one last time, you noticed a black Jeep peeling out of the parking lot. It stops at the stop sign, the second to last car to go. This is your only chance. “WAIT!”

You sprint towards the car, barely meeting him as he is about to turn.

“STOP,” you exhale, relieved that you caught him. “Don’t go.” Soonyoung steps out as you rest your hands on the hood of his car, trying to catch your breath. He touches your arm, his hands soft as silk, sending shocks throughout your body.

“Are you okay?” He asks, taking a good look at you.

“Aside from me about to pass out, I’m good.” You take a deep breath. “Listen. I’m sorry. I was a jerk and an asshole and—”

“MOVING YOUR FUCKING CAR!”

A middle-aged woman leans out of the window and gives you the bird, followed by a slew of car horns beeping in annoyance behind you and Soonyoung.

“Fuck,” Soonyoung curses, realizing the amount of cars behind him. “Get in the car.”

You both get in the car and drive off from the angry drivers, pulling into the nearest gas station. You sit with your hands in your lap, this weight of regret sitting on your chest and guilt eating you from the inside. You look at him, and he seems surprisingly relaxed as if you didn’t reject him

not even thirty minutes ago.

“I’m going to get some gas,” he announces. “Wait here.”

You watch him walk inside to pay and let out the deepest, most agonizing sigh. He should be calling you every name in the book, and rightfully so, as you insulted him. Why is he being so nice? Does he really like you that much?

He returns a few minutes later, shoving his pockets with change left over, and you both lock eyes with each other. In another situation, you would’ve been able to appreciate his good looks, trendy clothes, and tiger-like appearance. But instead, you feel sick to your stomach, disappointed in how you acted. You look down, twiddling your thumbs until he finishes pumping his gas and returning to the car. This is not like you at all. “Hey,” he says. “Hi,” you stammer. “I’m sorry again. I feel like a terrible person, and I shouldn’t have bit your head off like that.” “I know you were intense, but Jesus Christ,” he exhaled. “Why do you think I wouldn’t be interested in you? You made it seem like I lost a bet to ask you out. You made me feel like crap.” Every word felt like a punch in the gut, and you deserved it. Despite your parents' many flaws, they always taught you not to judge a book by its cover, and that’s precisely what you did. You were pretentious and stuck up about him. In some ways, you aren’t any different from them. “I guess…” your voice trails off. “I just saw you as the athlete that everyone is in love with. Your friends, I know the type, and we’ve never really crossed paths with each other unless I was bumping into you or almost getting hit by your car.” “So… you saw me as the very thing I told you I didn’t want to be seen as.” You didn’t have to answer back. You both knew the answer, and it was eating you up inside. “I’m sorry, I am just gonna go.” Before he could stop you, you exited the Jeep and started walking back toward your dorm. You are embarrassed and can never face him again. This is why you don’t don’t talk to anyone. This is awkward; it feels weird. You lose yourself in your thoughts until you reach the street light, waiting for your turn to go. The air is slightly chilly than usual, the smell of the ocean taking over your senses that you would enjoy any other time. Yeah, a walk to the beach sounds nice, you say to yourself just as the street signal turns green. You feel someone’s hand pulling you away, and you twirl around, facing Soonyoung’s back as he takes you back to his car.

“You’re dramatic as hell, you know that, right?” He shouts over his shoulder. “You didn’t even let me respond; you just hopped out like you were on the run.”

You stayed silent. What more could you say? He was right. He opens the passenger side, letting you slide in and shutting the door behind you. A few seconds later, he is on your other side, turning on the ignition.

“You not a terrible person,” he breathes. “A terrible person wouldn’t come sprinting out of their doom in boots and a nice outfit trying to apologize. You said you’re sorry, and it’s fine.” “Is it?”

“I mean, I’ll get over it,” he shrugs. “I wouldn’t have pulled you back here if I didn’t want to be around you. Now, do you still want to go back and forth about this, or do you want to make it up to me by going to this concert?” It’s a brief moment of silence as you seriously consider your options. You can tell Soonyoung is still bothered by what you did, but his small smile clarifies your decision. “Lead the way, tiger.”

He chuckles as he pulls out of the lot, pulling into a line of cars headed in the same direction. The sun starts to set, the golden hour hitting the horizon at the sea. You fold your arms, confused as to why he is being so nice to you, despite you being a bitch to him earlier. You haven’t felt forgiveness in a long time, which feels foreign. Uncomfortable. You hope this feeling will go away as the night goes on.

You mainly rode in silence aside from the music on the radio, and the hour trip to the venue seemed to be double that. You pull up to Bayfront Amphitheater, packed to the brim with people screaming their hearts out to the band onstage. Your heart skips in excitement, realizing what concert Soonyoung took you to.

“The Foo Fighters?” you grin, unbuckling your seatbelt. “I’ve been wanting to see them forever.: “Yeah, I remember you were talking about it on the radio, so I figured why not,” his voice trails off.

Your heart feels like it is going to burst at the seams. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you, and you had the nerve to be a bitch to him earlier.

“Hey,” you clear your throat. “I’m sorry again. I feel really shitty about it.”

“I know,” he says. “Look, let’s just enjoy this concert, and I’ll forget about it, okay?” You nod, walking towards the loud music. The rhythm of the drums and guitar blended together, hyping the crowd. You let Soonyoung lead the way, checking your tickets and guiding you to your seats. The crowd is thick, with the smell of cigarettes and alcohol flowing freely, and everyone is caught in their own zone. You wouldn’t say you are claustrophobic, but being packed like sardines isn’t your definition of a good time. Soonyoung notices your discomfort and grabs your hand, holding tight until he finds your assigned seats. You felt safe with him, a tiny spark in you that made you swoon.

“Are you okay?” He shouts over the noise. “Do you want a beer or anything?” “Nah, I’m good,” you shake your head.

The opening act finishes their set, the crowd politely cheering as the members walk off the stage. There is a small intermission, with people disbursing from their seats to grab drinks or making quick trips to the bathroom. You can feel Soonyoung looking at you, his eyes burning into the left side of your face. You lick your lips and pull strands of your hair to the back of your ear, a blatant attempt at flirting.

“Are you gonna stare at me all night?” You feel bold, turning your body towards him. “I might,” he purrs. “I have a beautiful, mysterious girl sitting beside me.”

“I’m not that mysterious. We’ve been talking for weeks.” ‘Yeah, in front of thousands of people on the radio. Now I have you all to myself, and I want to get to know the real you.”

“Uh huh,” you nod. “Well, I’m always the same on and off air. You’ll see.” “I hope so.” He smiles at you, and gotta admit the man can flirt. Soonyoung is devastatingly handsome, and he’s quick with his words. It excites you. You like being around people you can banter with and not take shit personally. It takes a load off your shoulders, not having to hold yourself back every time. You just want to be you and be free. It feels like Soonyoung is chasing the same thing.

“I wouldn’t have predicted you’d be into rock bands like the Foo Fighters. What made you want to go to their concert aside from me?”

“Well, you might be surprised to hear this, but I actually like the band,” he laughs. “I’ve been following them since their debut.”

“Really?” you say. “That’s cool.” “What?” Soonyoung leans closer, your shoulder barely touching his. “Do I not seem like the Foo Fighters type?” “Aht aht,” you playfully wave your finger at him. “I’m not getting tripped up on that question.” You fell into a rhythm of laughter that felt natural as if you had been doing this all your life. Despite your fuck up, he makes you feel cozy and open. The sun makes one final appearance, shining its glorious light on his beautiful, tanned skin. You can fully admit to yourself that he’s handsome as fuck, taking him all in before the sun dips below the horizon. “No, but seriously, I don’t seem like the type to be into them?” You pause before responding, being careful with your answer. “On the surface, no. But I am learning that there is more to a person than meets the eye.” There is a comfortable silence between you two, the sweet-smelling breeze keeping you at bay as you sit and enjoy each other’s company. You have so much you want to say but don’t simultaneously. You savor this tiny bit of peace with him. “I think I am gonna grab a drink,” Soonyoung gets up suddenly. “Do you want anything?” “Yeah, like a juice or something.” You watch him leave, checking out his ass as he stands in the concessions line. Nice and firm, definitely a football player’s ass. You look away before being caught, watching the crew prepare for the next act. You feel like a young girl who just realized you have a crush on a boy. You’re giddy inside, hypersensitive to everything around you and how you look. You hope he finds you as attractive as he says he does, or if not, keep up the lie a little longer. You’ve been dealt many disappointments in your life, and you can’t let this be one of them.

“Here. I got you a lemonade.”

You gaze up at Soonyoung, carefully grabbing the cup from his hand. He has a cup of beer in the other, sipping before making a face. You laugh in your cup, tasting your sweet drink with some tart. You feel refreshed and a little bit alive, thanks to him. “Ladies and gentlemen, who’s ready for the FOO FIGHTERS?”

The crowd erupts into a roar as the band joins the stage, getting their placements to perform. Jolts of electric excitement course throughout your body, screaming your heart out before the first string is played on the guitar. You’ve always wanted to see them in concert, being a huge fan of Nirvana and following Dave Grohl after. Despite everything, he seems like a rad guy, and

if you ever had the opportunity, you would want to pick his brain and jam out with him. “ARE YOU MUTHAFUCKERS READY?” Dave Grohl shouts into the mic.

You both scream as the first song is played, the drums scratching the excellent part of your brain while the guitars take you to another level. You look at Soonyoung, his attention on the band with his arms folded, in awe of the performance being given. He looks adorable, and all you can do is smile, satisfied that you are in this space and can experience this moment. The band keeps playing hit after hit, the energy around you making you want to levitate in the clouds. You haven’t been this happy in a long time. You reach the last song of the night, and the key changes, the guitars riffing into a song you know all too well. “I want everyone to sing this song with us— this is for the regular heroes out there.”

You feel the emotion and intensity in Dave Grohl’s voice, making you emotional. The song is about the ordinary person and their potential; you wish your family saw your potential. You wish you could share your music with them and see you thrive in the elements you’re most comfortable in. But instead, you’ve been cast out, and as much as you worked hard to get over it, it hurts you deeply. “Are you okay?” Soonyoung looks at you wide-eyed; you’re unaware of the tears trickling down your face. All you want to do is be held and told everything will be okay. As if he read your mind, he holds your hand, his thumb rubbing your palm softly, keeping you anchored in your emotional storm. Nothing else needed to be said between you two; the song lyrics moved your spirit. Kudos, my hero

Leavin' all the mess

You know my hero

The one that's on

There goes my hero

Watch him as he goes

There goes my hero

He's ordinary

“Thank you for taking me to the concert. I had a really good time.”

You sit with Soonyoung in his car, sitting outside of your dorm. You talked about music all the

way back home, singling your hearts out to whatever is on the radio. Soonyoung is surprisingly a good singer, hitting some notes even better than you can. You wonder if he had any training. “I’m glad I was able to make it up to you,” he grins. “Oh, please,” you wave him off. I’m the one who started us on the wrong foot.” “True. But I think you more than made up for it tonight.” “Yeah, yeah,” you roll your eyes playfully. “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.”

“Why were you crying during the concert?” You knew this question would come eventually, but you still felt unprepared. You hadn’t really talked about your family life with anyone besides Nikki, but you were determined to keep it to yourself. But he makes you want to open up. “The song really hits me,” you point at your chest. “I feel every word and every percussion note as it plays. It reminds me of my mom and dad, and I wish they saw me as a normal person with their own aspirations rather than the person they want me to be. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Soonyoung nodded his head, understanding what you were saying.

“My parents wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer, and I just don’t see myself doing that. I fell in love with music and singing, and when I shared that I wanted to do songwriting full-time, they made me feel so low. Like I am stupid and naive for wanting a career, I would actually be happy.” You huff, wiping fresh tears off of your face. “I just wanted them to support me, but they couldn’t even do that. Aside from my grandparents, they cut me off completely.” “That’s not cool,” Soonyoung scoffs. “So they just went cold turkey and quit talking to you?” You nod, bitterly reliving the last conversation you had with them before you made no contact. “Why can’t our parents just let us live the lives we want? It’s like they want to live vicariously through us.” “Right?!” You exclaim. “See, you get it!”

“Unfortunately, yeah,” he mumbled. You turn your body to look at him, studying his face and the possible thoughts he is having. You may see more eye to eye than you realize. ‘So, what’s your damage?” You poke at him. “It’s the same as yours,” he revealed. “They just want me to keep playing basketball so I can go into the big leagues and take care of everyone. I am essentially everyone’s meal ticket.” “Well, you don’t have to be,” you say. “You could just say fuck ‘em and live for yourself.” “Easier said than done,” he sighs. “I’m the first person in my family to attend college, and I actually like playing basketball. I believe in it, bleed it, all that… but whenever I am around my folks or friends, that’s all they want me to be about it. It’s like I’m not real. I am a person with complex interests and feelings, too.”

“I know exactly what you mean, tiger.”

You smile reassuringly; you understand that last sentence all too well. Your family would rather consider you the family fuck up, the black sheep, instead of understanding that you wanted different things. Why is that so fucking complicated? You stifle a yawn, looking at your watch and seeing how late it was.

“I really like talking to you and being around you,” Soonyoung confesses. I hope we can do it more.” “Yeah,” you gaze into his eyes. “ I would love that.” He walks you to your dorm, opens the doors, and holds your waist as you walk up the steps. His hands bring jitters and butterflies in your stomach that you hope you can experience more. You know you have a hard, cold exterior on the outside, but deep down, you want to feel love and adoration from someone. You hope Soonyoung can bring that.

You never want this feeling to go away.

“Thank you for walking me in,” you say, unlocking the keys to your room. “I know I was being a bitch early, but thank you for showing me a good time anyway.”

“It was worth it, seeing a smile on your face.”

“Was it?”

“Yeah,” he leans in closer. “I want to see it more.”

His lips touch yours, your chest bursting like fireworks as he deepens the kiss. Your arms rest on his shoulders, feeling natural and comfortable like a glove. He is gentle and kind, not doing too much but making you feel safe and like you can depend on him. It's crazy how one kiss can have you seeing your future.

“We should do that more often,” you joke, leaving one last peck. He chuckles, pulling you into a hug. “We will. I’ll make sure to do it more often.”

“Okay,” you say, walking into your dorm. “I’ll hold you to it.”

#kvanity #kwritersworldnet #svthub #svt fanfic #svt oneshot #svt scenarios #svt imagines #soonyoung fanfic #soonyoung x reader #soonyoung fluff #soonyoung angst #svt fluff #svt angst #hoshi fluff #hoshi angst #hoshi x reader

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jvngkook97 · 2 years

Text

Class Act

synopsis; in which Namjoon is the popular jock and you’re just another girl in the bleachers. OR what happens when the gentle giant takes notice of the introverted, yet dedicated fan?

pairing; college jock!namjoon x college student!reader

genre; angst, fluff, humor, smut, s2l, f2l, college au, jock au

warnings; classic college tropes, angst in the form of cheerleaders(but not all!) misjudging reader, reader has some body image issues, but mainly just a whole bunch of sweet jock Namjoon for your pleasure, a letterman jacket kink rises to the surface, reader is awkward, joon is a patient angel baby cause he’s in lOoOve with reader so much 🥺 uhhhhm there will be sexual intercourse and it will be soft and cute with protection being used cause they smart cookies(and so are you!)

rating; 21+ MINORS DNI

w/c; 4,744

a/n; happy birthday to our favorite accident prone, gentle giant, dimple baby Kim Namjoon! like + reblog if you enjoyed. don’t be a silent reader! <3 feedback is always appreciated and helps to keep this writer motivated to put out more content — like this! all the love, always.

networks; @ficscafe, @thebtswritersclub, @btshoneyhive, @kflixnet

It was another chilly September evening.

The flood lights that surround the football field are bright as ever, allowing the football players to continue playing as the night continues on.

You secure your jacket tighter around your shivering figure, the unforgiving wind still somehow making it through the thick material no matter how hard you try otherwise. The people around you both cheer when your team scores a touchdown, and boo when the away team does.

All of that is trivial, however, seeing as your main focus is on the tallest member of the team, making it easier for you to decipher him amongst the other players.

Kim Namjoon. The gentle giant.

The bleachers erupt into a fit of cheers, hooting, and hollering, your team winning the game by a landslide. Not that you ever doubted it. Namjoon and the other players gradually make their way off the field and towards the locker rooms to get washed up. With your seat being next to the corridor that they walk through, you get a good luck as they go by.

Namjoon is waving politely at those that chant his name in earnest. He’s not the quarterback, but he’s just as popular, if not more. His talents are phenomenal when it came to the sport, everyone sure that he was going to get recognized by an agent and signed by end of his college career.

You join the rest of those that chant his name, though your voice is easily drowned out by those who aren’t afraid to scream their hearts out. For a split second, your eyes lock with his. That dimpled smile widens, and you woefully wish it’s due to you, though you know that can’t be true considering you’ve never gained the courage to talk with him.

You imagine it’s cause of you anyways.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The following Monday you’re taking your normal stroll through the large campus courtyard. It’s littered with students that share the same goal as you, making it to their class on time. Up ahead, you see the jocks and cheerleaders formed in their usual circle located next to the fountain that’s planted dab in the middle of said courtyard.

You spot Namjoon easily.

He’s laughing from something that Cherry said, cheer captain and from what you heard, now ex of Kim Namjoon. From their interaction, you wonder if those were just rumors, or maybe they just ended on good terms. You wouldn’t put it past Namjoon to stay civil in that kind of situation.

Due to your zoning out on the dimpled male, you fail to watch where you’re going, and make the fatal mistake of knocking into Jin, another member of the football team. The action causes a domino effect from the force in which you accidentally plow him with, ultimately making Cherry stumble into Namjoon and having him catch her effortlessly. His face is worried as he asks if she’s okay, she says yes.

His eyes then flicker to yours, as does everyone around him when they realize that you’re the culprit.

“Aiiiiish! You should be apart of the team with that powerful of a tackle, y/l/n.”

Jin turns and jests at your embarrassed figure good naturedly, a grin on his face so as to show there’s no hard feelings on his part. The same sentiment can’t be said for a few of the cheerleaders who were collateral damage.

“You’re right, Jin. She’s certainly built like a dude.” Cherry’s co-captain and best friend sardonically chimes in with a smirk on her face. The comment creates scattered laughter throughout the group in agreement, all except for Namjoon, you notice.

Your face flushes at the jab, you being well aware that your chest wasn’t quite as developed as most women your age. Your lip trembles, and you bite it in hopes of stopping the tears that begin to build in your eyes. You make a show of deeply bowing to the group, mumbling a ‘sorry, please excuse me’ before standing up straight and briskly walking past.

Namjoon makes a step towards your retreating figure, promptly getting stopped by Cherry’s hand that curls itself around his bicep. His face that was once full of worry for his ex, still held the same expression, but this time for you.

He made a mental note that next time he saw you he was going to apologize on behalf of his so called ‘friends’.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

You make it to class without a hitch. The day drones on like it always does, and it’s not until that final bell rings do you sigh in relief. You clutch your binder into your chest, both arms folded around it as you step back outside into the courtyard, this time with the end destination being your bed.

You get close to the school gates before you’re stopped by a loud voice. A loud, familiar voice.

“Y/N! Hey! Wait up!”

You stiffly turn in the direction where the voice is coming from, seeing Kim Namjoon in all his beautiful, letterman jacket wearing glory make it to you in a second flat from his long legged strides. Your knuckles turn white from how hard you’re holding your binder now, something Namjoon’s eyes dart to as he gets close enough to stand a few feet away from your shorter figure.

His full, dimpled smile is on display, and this time you know for a fact that it’s meant for you only. Your brain malfunctions, and you miss the words that come out of his mouth next, the only thing you register is his lips moving to form said words.

You blink. Once, twice. His smile doesn’t falter, but he does lean in closer to your face, one slender finger coming up to gently poke the crease in between your brows that seemed to form without you knowing. It must be from how confused you are about the situation at hand.

As if time unpaused itself, your brain clears up enough for you to speak, though your voice cracks when you do.

“I’m–, I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“I was asking if you were available to accompany me to this new diner that opened up down the street. I wanted to treat you.”

His hands are stuffed into his letterman jacket, he’s rocking himself on the balls of his feet as he waits for your answer patiently. Eyes staying trained on your face, he surveys out of his peripheral the outfit you’re wearing. It’s cute, different, unique. He likes it, a lot.

Your eyes narrow, and for the first time does his usually confident smile begin to dim.

“Is this some kind of a bet?”

His eyes widen, face crestfallen at your misconception of his genuine interest in you.

“Excuse me?” Now it’s his turn to gain those creases between his brows.

“Are your friends going to pop out of the bushes and yell ‘gotcha!’?”

He doesn’t miss the way you elongate the word friends with a hint of distaste on your tongue. He’ll be the first to admit that his choice of company can be downright rude, and wonders what other slurs you had to endure by them before he transferred to this college his junior year.

“No, they’re not. I promise I only come to you with good intentions and on the basis of wanting to get to know you better. Is that alright with you?” He ends with a question, and once again awaits your answer. There’s no signs of malice or ill intent as he looks at you, but you can’t help the walls you’ve built over the years.

Pursing your lips, you reply.

“No, thank you. I wouldn’t want to further endure the wrath of the cheerleading squad when your girlfriend finds out. So, good day.”

You pivot on your heel, decision resolute.

An enlarged hand grasps your own, and you stop in your tracks, back towards him.

“She’s not my girl–well, she was-but not anymore. We broke up awhile ago. Like, months ago. She even has a new boyfriend already, he’s a cool dude.”

He’s nonchalant when he speaks, his grip on your hand loosens when you turn your attention back on him, but he still keeps ahold on your hand incase you attempt to ditch him again.

“Only you would talk highly of an ex’s new boyfriend, I swear. You’re like a freaking unicorn.”

He lets out a bellowing, open mouthed laugh that seems to take over his entire face, his eyes crinkling, that reverberates through his hand and into yours, causing your arm to shake lightly as a result. A hint of a smile appears on your face that makes him gasp in pure delight.

He points at your mouth with a cheeky, dimpled, grin.

“There’s that smile!”

Your immediate reaction is to hide your face in your chest, an action he prevents you from doing as he uses his other hand to cup your chin and steer your gaze back onto his. His hand is still warm from its previous home in his jacket, you note, despite the cold air around you two.

“You shouldn’t hide your face, it’s pretty.”

From that point on, you were hooked.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Once again, you’re walking your normal route to class within the courtyard. Namjoon and his group of friends are a few yards away from you, but this time when he notices you, he makes a point to break away with haste, apologies spew from his supple lips to those he squeezes past to get to you.

Jin is the last to let him past, giving you an enthusiastic wave. Even Cherry and her posse give you smiles in greeting that you return. Namjoon’s arms encase themselves around your waist as he hoists your small frame and twirls you both in a circle. He’s still holding you up off the ground, and you slowly slide down enough to plant a soft, but meaningful kiss on his lips. You could feel him smile into it, and it makes your teeth clash for a moment.

When you mutually pull away for fresh air, you barely have time before he’s peppering you with kisses all over your face. From behind, Jin patronizes you both on your disgusting public display of affection.

“Oi! Get a room you two!”

Using one arm to hold you, he makes a point to flip Jin off with his free hand that makes you roll your eyes at their antics. You give him a few pats on his shoulder, your way of telling him to set you back down on solid ground. He pouts cutely, but obliges.

Throwing an arm around your shoulder instead, your fingers thread through his dangling ones over your shoulder as he leads you to your first class of the day. Too soon do you arrive, and he leans against the side of the wall next to the door with his lips already puckered in waiting. You lean up this time to oblige his height as best as you can, not noticing when he subtly leans down further to accommodate your height difference.

Inbetween kisses, he asks you a question.

“Am I still able to come over after the game tonight?”

His eyes are hopeful, smile widening when you nod in affirmation to his question. He gives you a loving pat on the head, before using both hands to secure your head long enough for him to plant a kiss on your forehead and then he’s off and heading to his own class with a wave of his hand, barely managing to dodge a gaggle of girls in time before crashing into them.

You wave back with a shake of your head at your clumsy giant, smile of your own adorning your face as a light hue rises in your cheeks of what’s to come.

You couldn’t wait.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Just like in the beginning, you’re back in your favorite spot on the bleachers to watch your now boyfriend own the field like he always does. Off to the side, not to far from where you are, you catch a snippet of conversation between a dude who looks way to formally dressed to be at a college football game and Namjoon’s coach. When Namjoon’s body hurdles by them with the football in hand, does the formal guy point at Namjoon with a serious look on his face. His coach crosses his arms over his chest with a puff of his chest, a smug smile on his face as he nods to whatever the formal dude is saying.

Huh. You wonder what that’s about.

You join the rest of the crowd around you in a standing, deafening applaud for the entire football team as they make their way through the corridor after a major win of the season. Your eyes scan the members in search of Namjoon’s loving eyes, but you don’t see him.

It’s not until your eyes shift back towards the field, do you find him with his helmet tucked under his arm, a beaming smile on his face as he talks to coach and mystery dude. The latter pats Namjoon on the shoulder as you make your way slowly down the bleachers to the stairs that lead to on the field. When your feet touch the astroturf and you begin your small trek to the three men, does the mystery dude bid his goodbyes and walk past you.

The coach and Namjoon are hugging each other tightly, coach shouting praises at Namjoon.

“I knew you would be something kid. I just knew it!”

“Thanks, coach. This wouldn’t have been possible without you!”

You walk up as they separate, and you have a wary smile on your face, your gut telling you that you just might know what transpired, but choosing to stay silent and wait for Namjoon to tell you himself.

If possible, his smile becomes broader when he sees you. Dropping his helmet to the ground, he ditches it in favor of holding your body tightly against him. You hug him back just as enthusiastically, his breath fanning your ear as he speaks.

“I did it, baby! I got recruited for a team!”

You gasp in astonishment, eyes watering due to how happy you are for Joon. This has been his goal for as long as he could throw a football, you couldn’t be more proud of him. Your arms tighten around his neck as you bury your face into him. He can feel your body shake with happy sobs, and can’t help the emotion of the moment when he joins you in the sobfest.

The coach is long gone when you two collect yourselves, Namjoon using his thumbs to wipe the tear streaks from your face as he smiles at you lovingly. Your nose is red and eyes are puffy, but he’s never seen you look more beautiful than you do at this moment.

He leans down to kiss you. It’s soft, slow, but full of passion.

“I love you, y/n.”

The words are whispered between kisses and instead of responding with words, you opt for action in the form of deepening the kiss with a mix of tongues as you battle for dominance.

He wins. He always wins.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Namjoon is manspreading on your bed wearing nothing but black boxers, arms behind his head as he watches your shy, hesitant body make its way past the frame of the door. Your arms are crossed over your chest in self doubt of how risqué you chose to dress yourself tonight for Namjoon’s pleasure – and your own.

It’s a sheer, black, silky slip that caught your eye in the mall recently. The lady that helped you pick it out reassured you that you would look so good that he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you. But, as you look at his now stiff body, face void of emotion, you conclude it must’ve just been her trying to meet her sales quota for that day.

Your body folds in on itself, your flight response immediately wanting to kick in and save you from your utter embarrassment at trying and failing to look sexy. Namjoon snaps out of his lust induced haze to see your fear stricken one, and he instantly hops off the bed to secure you within his arms with endearing words of praise spoken into your hair as he rocks you both side to side.

“I’m sorry, baby. My brain fried there for a second when I saw how gorgeous you look.”

He pulls away, but keeps his hands on your shoulders, rubbing the tops of them occasionally as his eyes rake over your perfectly curved, thick figure with both love and lust.

“Just gorgeous?”

His eyes snap to yours when your meek voice passes your lips, his brows scrunching in confusion. He goes to question you, but you beat him to the answer.

“I was trying to go for more along the lines of sexy–,” your eyes look everywhere but his as you continue, self deprecating thoughts fill your mind for a moment as you become your own worst critic. “–I bet if I had bigger boobs–,”

“I’m gonna stop you right there.”

His hand on your chin, makes you look at him. His eyes hold nothing but warmth when he speaks.

“You are sexy, baby. So fucking sexy.”

Your eyes widen, a soft gasp escapes your lips. He trails one hand down your arm and to your hand, before he’s leading you both back to your bed. Guiding you to lay down, he then takes a moment to savor the way your body naturally parts your legs in anticipation of him being between them. Not wanting to disappoint, he kneels between your legs and uses the strength of his arms to hover over your form.

“I don’t want you ever doubting how I feel about you, okay? If you’re feeling down, let me know. I’ll be glad to show you otherwise.” A cheeky smirk adorns his face and your cheeks tint, small smile beginning to curl at the edge of your lips.

“There’s that smile I love.”

“Shut up.”

You pull him down by his neck to kiss him, it starts out slow and sensual, before turning into a kiss of pure need for one another. Your bodies react, his lower half grinds into yours and you can feel the effect you have on him. You whimper into the kiss, the weight of his crotch rubs deliciously into your clit that makes you want more.

“Please, Joonie. No teasing.”

“Fine, fine. One thing though, something I always wanted to try.”

You tilt your head in bewilderment when he pushes himself off of you to cross your room to the duffel bag that lays on the floor next to your desk. Unzipping it, he ruffles through the contents until he finds what he’s looking for – his letterman jacket.

He makes his way back to you and gestures for you to sit up, which you do. Grabbing the bottom of your slip dress, he helps you pull it off until your left nude in front of him. He bites his lip, and throws the jacket around your shoulders, encouraging you to slink your arms through the sleeves, which again, you do. He then sits back to both admire you and take in his fantasy come to life.

You wearing nothing but his letterman jacket.

His Adam’s apple bobs, pupils blown, as you yourself admire the jacket around you. The semi rough material rubs against your nipples and makes them harden. The scent of Joon is all over it, and you can’t help but bring the collar up to your nose to savor it with your eyes closed in content.

A shaky exhale is what has your eyes popping back open to witness Namjoon sink to his elbows between your legs. You whine at his actions.

“Joon, I said no teasing tonight.”

“Baby, please? This has been a fantasy of mine for a long time now, I just want to taste you real quick.” He whines back cutely, full on pout plastered on his face that you just can’t say no too.

You give a mock huff of feigned annoyance and let yourself plop back comfortably onto the pillows beneath you, he pumps a fist in the air in triumph that has you lightly hitting him in the back of his head with the heel of your foot to hurry up.

Then, he doesn’t waste any time.

He dives in, planting one solid lick to your outer folds that leads to the hood of your clit. He places one hand between you both to gently tug the hood of your clit up so he can blow softly on it. The cool sensation makes your body erupt with goosebumps, and then he’s placing a hard suck on your clit that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your knees unconsciously begin closing upon contact, but he uses his other free hand to hold one of your legs down, preemptively giving him better access to your core.

He switches his attention from your clit, and down to your now glistening hole, where he allows his middle finger to slide inside up to the knuckle, taking it out a second later to rub circles around your hole. Your hips buck, hole clenching around nothing, missing the intruding digit already. He continues this torturous routine until you start to become frustrated at your lack of relief, the edging beginning to take a toll on you.

“Namjoon, you better start–,” you begin to berate him, but your words turn into soft pants when he chooses at that exact moment to add two more digits into your hole at a fast pace, curling them to the point he’s able to feel your soft spot. His pace is unrelenting as you grip the sheets, back arching and mouth parting in a silent scream. Your toes begin to curl and he watches with hooded eyes as you come undone for the first time that night before him. Your orgasm washes over your spasming body in waves, and he’s quick to replace his fingers with his big mouth to lewdly slurp up your essence like a man starved for water. Some of it eludes his mouth to dribble down his chin and onto the bedding beneath you.

“Fuck. Namjoon. Stop. I can’t.”

You beg breathlessly, fingers gripping his hair in a vice to lift his head off your oversensitive pussy. He places one last wet kiss to each of your inner thighs, then trails up your body to your breasts. He takes one in each hand, gently massaging them to squish them together so he can take advantage of his big mouth and tongue to both lick and suckle each nipple with the same amount of attention.

You use the opportunity to come down from your high, to a still pleasurable, but not overbearing different kind of stimulation. After a few minutes, he uses one hand to push down his boxers enough to kick them off the bed with his feet. Getting back up on his knees, he reaches over the side of you to your side table drawer and fetches out a condom you make sure to keep just incase. He opens it and rolls it on, being sure to pinch the tip to make room for his own slick to fill.

He lines up his length with your still semi spasming hole, but looks up at you with a question in his eyes that gets answered just as quietly when you wrap your legs around his waist. Both of you let out a grunt of satisfaction when he stills, fully inside.

“Are you okay?”

You don’t realize your eyes closed on their own as your body adjusted to Namjoon’s girth. When you open them, you see his face hovering over yours with concern pooling in his.

“I’m good, Joon. You can move.”

Leaning down, he gives you a lingering kiss on your lips as he begins to move his hips against yours. He doesn’t go fast, choosing tonight as one to be savored. It’s an important one after all, he wants to remember it.

You thrust your own hips up in the slow, rhythmic tempo that he’s set, encouraging him to his first orgasm of the night. He buries his face in your neck, giving sloppy thrusts until he stills. Using what little strength you have left, you place the palms of your hands on his chest and push him until he’s laying on his back on the bed. You take your time straddling him, rubbing your folds against his length once, twice – it’s not until the third swing of your hips does he place his hands on your love handles in order to guide his length back into your warmth.

You chuckle at his impatience, and he glowers at you playfully.

“I thought you said no teasing?”

“Figured I’d give you a taste of your own medicine is all.”

You’re playing innocent, but he knows better. He lets you ride him at your own pace, letting his hands roam all over your breasts, your stomach, your thighs. Eventually, when he feels your walls begin to constrict around his own growing length, does he drop his hand where you two meet in order to rub soft, yet perfect amount of weight on your clit to help spur both of your impending orgasms.

Throwing caution to the wind, you splay your hands on his chest to get better leverage and a better angle, increasing your pace from a slow one to a fast one that has both of you a panting mess trying to chase your highs at the same time. You let out a broken whimper and he knows you’re closer to yours, but he wants to cum at the same time as you, finding the rare occurrence just another way of togetherness in his mind between you both when it does happen.

Easing his assault on your clit, he plants his heels into the bed to thrust up at a brutal pace, his cock pistons in and out of your sopping hole and you let out a sob at the orgasm that suddenly hits you at the same time that his does. He only stops when you can’t hold yourself up anymore and choose to lazily plop yourself off to the side of him on the bed, face flushed, eyes closed, and ready for sleep already.

He’s not too far behind you, wanting to crash after that love making session, but he needs to clean up first and so do you. He gives your ass a light slap and you groan into the pillow in reply.

“Let’s clean up, baby. Then sleep.”

You flip him off. He playfully bites your fingertip.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The next day you’re both taking an early morning walk around campus, your small hand held tightly in his large one. Ever since last night, he takes any chance he can get to see you wearing his letterman jacket, so that’s what you’re currently wearing over your outfit.

You don’t mind though, in fact, you love it.

Like you love him.

So, you say it for the first time since he’s confessed.

“Joon?” He looks down at you with a curious look on his face, and waits patiently for you to speak when he notices how shy you’re getting. It brings him back to the first day he met you.

“I love you too.”

Your favorite dimpled smile makes an appearance. You two meet in the middle for a loving kiss. You go to pull away, but he secured a hand on the back of your neck to keep you a hair width away as he speaks lowly, honestly.

“I always saw you.”

You tilt your head in confusion.

“Saw me?”

“Yeah. In the bleachers. You went to every game. I even saw the sign you made with just my number on it, but it helped me get that winning touchdown.”

“You’re joking.”

“Serious as a heart attack.”

A puff of laughter escapes your lips, your lips grazing his during the act that has him chasing yours for another. His shoulders bounce as he lightly laughs along with you.

Another reason you love wearing his jacket? It lets everyone around you know that you’re his.

That you would always be his.

3K notes · View notes

gimmethatagustd · 6 days

Text

venor (final) | kth + jjk

The barista at the university’s café keeps telling Jungkook not to come back, but Jungkook is too busy daydreaming about kissing the beauty marks on his face to be paying attention to his warnings.

○ Pairing: Tiger!Taehyung x Bunny!Jungkook

○ Rating: Explicit/18+

○ Genre: Hybrids, predator/prey, college au, strangers to lovers, slow burn, fluff, light angst, eventual smut

○ Word Count: 5,064

○ Warnings: Scenting, lots of kissing and happy crying, gross cute romance and all that other annoying stuff

○ Notes: It's the end of an era, my friends. I promised a Bestie Who Must Not Be Named that I'd write an epilogue, so technically this series isn't 100% over. I hope you had fun with it! And thank you to everyone who was so kind to me as we went on this unique little journey together 💜

○ Post Date: April 21, 2024

○ Masterlist | AO3 Cross-Post

○ What was Jai listening to? The series playlist

Series Masterlist

Jungkook and Taehyung wait until they finish their final projects and exams before visiting Taehyung's family home. As much as a getaway trip, no matter how short or ordinary, would help alleviate Jungkook's end-of-the-year stress, his commitment to his studies, and his fear of disappointing his parents force him to focus on his studies. Exercising helps, especially when he convinces Taehyung and Yoongi to tag along, but most days near the end of the semester, Jungkook spends in the library or in class.

When Jungkook submits the last project due, the mobile app he spent the whole semester designing, he feels like his brain dribbles out of his ears. With final presentations and exams now over, they have the freedom to do as they please in the last few days before they must leave the dorms for winter break. He's lucky he doesn't have to drive to Taehyung's house, even though it's a short trip.

"Jiae is still in school, but my appa should be home," Taehyung explains, keeping his eyes on the road as he drives.

"Where did you say she's studying?"

"New York University. I've never been to the United States, but she likes it for the most part. She said the city is dirty, though."

Jungkook watches Taehyung smile as he shares a story about his sister's first time seeing a rat scurry across the city streets. Without a sibling, Jungkook doesn't know what it's like to share a life with someone for so long and then be separated by so much distance. There's love in how Taehyung talks about Jiae; Jungkook can feel it. Taehyung also experiences a little bit of joy in knowing his sister has been chased by rats, and Jungkook supposes that's just how it is being an older sibling.

When school isn’t in session, Taehyung stays with Jiae and their father in the home where the children grew up. It’s a small villa in a quiet neighborhood far enough away from downtown Seoul that Jungkook almost feels like he’s back in his own town, free from the bustling city and the hassles that come with it. The villa is well-maintained but modest and home to four families, with the Kim family occupying one of the apartment units on the second floor. The building is cute from the outside, not as big and intimidating as the apartments Jungkook imagined in the city, and a few of the nerves jittering through his body calm down.

Taehyung finds street parking nearby so they don’t need to walk far in the cold. Just like the end of the semester, winter descended on Jungkook quicker than he expected.

In the villa’s compact front yard, a few young children bundled up in thick coats, scratchy scarves, and winter hats too big for their heads build miniature snowmen. Feline tails whip out from two of their coats, and another child has sparkly olive scale splotches on his cheeks like freckles.

“Taehyungie hyung!” squeals one of the children when Taehyung leads Jungkook up the front steps.

Once the other two children notice Taehyung, they fumble in the snow, knees lifting high to jump over the lumps of snow they’ve pushed together. They’re adorable, even more so when the three crash into Taehyung, clinging to his legs and tugging on his gloved hands.

“Hey kids,” Taehyung pats each child on the head with the hand that isn’t being pulled nearly to the ground by one girl.

“When is Jiae noona coming back?” the little boy demands, making Taehyung frown.

“I come home for the first time in months, and you want my sister instead?”

“We missed you too, oppa,” one of the girls insists with wide eyes that remind Jungkook of how he looks when he’s trying to get someone on his good side. He can’t help but giggle over it, and the sound alerts the children to the fact that he’s there, patiently waiting on the front steps behind Taehyung.

“Hello,” the little girl hanging on Taehyung’s arm swings her body around to look at Jungkook. “Who are you?”

“That’s my boyfriend, your Jungkook oppa.”

“You have a boyfriend, Taehyungie oppa? Did your appa say that you can have a boyfriend?”

With his hands on his hips, Jungkook turns to Taehyung, giving him an expectant look that mirrors the three children's expressions.

“Well, Tae, did your appa permit you to have a boyfriend?”

“Bun, not you, too,” Taehyung groans as he tries shaking off the children.

“Oh my gosh! He’s a bunny! Look at his ears!”

“Come on, guys. It’s cold.” Taehyung grabs Jungkook’s bicep and pulls him forward as the children rush to cling onto Jungkook instead.

Shouting over each other, the children demand that Jungkook remove his winter hat to show off more of his ears and demonstrate if he can jump really high. Their silly questions are endearing, but Jungkook’s nose is frozen, and he grows more nervous with each step he climbs to reach the villa’s front doors.

“Go back to your snowman.” Taehyung shoos the kids away while he holds the door open for Jungkook. “You’ll see Jungkook later.”

“Bye hyungs, bye oppas!” the children call out, fumbling over each other to move out of the way when Taehyung tries to usher them from the door.

Despite Taehyung’s grumblings, his affection for the children is evident by how sweet and patient he is with them. Jungkook hasn’t thought much about children. He knows his parents expect grandchildren, especially since they only have Jungkook to provide them, but he always saw parenthood as a far-off concept not worth worrying about in his youth. Seeing Taehyung interact with the neighborhood children makes Jungkook consider that, perhaps, he could spend a little time thinking about it more than he has in the past…

“My appa did give me permission to have a boyfriend, by the way,” Taehyung says with a silly smile as he loops his arm through Jungkook’s to lead him down the hall once they’ve reached the second floor.

“Oh, good. What would we have done if he hadn’t?” Jungkook smiles, too, just as goofy.

“Break up, I guess?” Taehyung offers, laughing when Jungkook stops in the middle of the hallway to stomp his foot in frustration.

Taehyung is obviously joking; Jungkook can’t imagine him ever asking for permission to do anything, not that he’s the type of kid to go against his parents at every turn. Something tells Jungkook that Taehyung’s mother encouraged his free spirit rather than trying to stamp it down. Perhaps some of that has rubbed off on Jungkook, too.

“You didn’t even formally ask me out!” Jungkook complains.

Squeezing Jungkook’s bicep, Taehyung tugs on him gently. “I totally did!”

“When?!”

Taehyung removes his gloves to input the apartment unit’s code. His hat covers his ears, but Jungkook can tell that they twitch under it just as his tail flicks out to smack Jungkook on the thigh. He’s so cute that Jungkook thinks he might genuinely die over it one day. How can he possibly withstand this type of cute aggression for the rest of his life? Because that is what he wants, to be with Taehyung until the end, even if it’s too early to say such a thing.

“I was nervous, okay,” Taehyung presses his shoulder against the door to give it a little push as he opens it. “Just saying it seemed easier than asking. Besides, I knew you wanted it, too.”

Winking, Taehyung gestures for Jungkook to enter the apartment first and grins when he notices Jungkook’s bright pink cheeks. Ridiculous. Taehyung is ridiculous. The only reason Jungkook is willing to let this slide is because Taehyung does get nervous when he’s put on the spot, as Jungkook quickly learned during their final presentation for their Art History class. Standing at the front of the lecture hall, Taehyung had forced his tail through his belt loops so it wouldn’t nervously swish back and forth and started off the presentation with wide eyes pleading for Jungkook to take the lead, but it went well.

The Kim residence reminds Jungkook of Taehyung’s dorm room and his father’s restaurant. It is bright and nature-toned, with plants in every corner and large windows providing natural lighting. It isn’t perfect, but it’s lived in, and Jungkook prefers that over something so minimalist that it’s sterile. Taehyung kicks his boots into the corner of the entryway and tosses his coat on the kitchen table as he walks past, meaning Jungkook should follow his lead.

“So it’s just you, your appa, and your sister?” Jungkook asks.

“Yup. It’s kind of small for three adults, but as a kid, it felt huge.” Taehyung shrugs. “We’ll both be out of the house soon, anyway.”

Jungkook folds his outerwear and neatly places it on the kitchen table, trying not to take up too much space. He’s hesitant about taking off his scarf. The bruise Taehyung left Jungkook when he bit his neck still hasn’t entirely disappeared, but Jungkook concludes that it would be more suspicious to keep his scarf on inside than to have splotchy skin.

“Your appa will be so lonely…” Jungkook looks around, taking note of the little pieces of Taehyung and Jiae scattered around the house — Taehyung’s pottery and Jiae’s soccer trophies. Recently, Jungkook has learned that both Kim children are exceptional athletes.

“Eh, he’ll be fine,” Taehyung says, intertwining Jungkook’s fingers with his. “I’ll give you a tour.”

It’s a bit of “organized chaos,” as Taehyung calls it. Clothes are strewn around the apartment, draped on the backs of the kitchen chairs and the arm of the living room couch. The whiteboard calendar on the fridge still reads “November” despite it being the beginning of December now, and there are kitchen appliances everywhere, including niche ones Jungkook can’t name.

“Appa is somewhere around here…” Taehyung thinks aloud, “Might be on the roof, though. There’s a garden up there. The one I told you about.”

Taehyung’s mother’s garden. Jungkook nods, but he doesn’t interrupt Taehyung as he shows off the chaotic apartment, even jiggling the doorknob of his sister’s room hard enough to force it open so they can take a peek at the disaster of boy band posters and too much pink.

“She’s such a girl,” Taehyung teases before ushering Jungkook down the hall to his bedroom. “At least she gets to keep her room, though. Appa turned mine into a fucking office.”

The last room on the short but thorough apartment tour is Taehyung’s, which is more like an office than a bedroom. It seems that Taehyung’s furniture—a bed, dresser, and nightstand—has been arranged in one corner to free up space for a desk, bookshelf, and filing cabinet that wouldn’t fit anywhere else in the apartment.

“Why does he need a filing cabinet? Who keeps paper documents anymore?” Taehyung shuts the bedroom door behind them.

When Taehyung turns around, Jungkook feels a shift in the energy between them. Having been uncharacteristically talkative, Taehyung suddenly grows quiet.

“You didn’t put your backpack down,” Taehyung notices with a frown.

Jungkook squeezes his backpack straps and shrugs, hoping Taehyung’s predator hybrid senses don’t ruin everything by noticing his nervousness. He’s trying to be chill, just as he tried when he first met Taehyung. It hadn’t worked then, and it probably won’t work now.

“I, um…” Panicking, Jungkook looks for a distraction, not ready to let Taehyung know why he still has his backpack with him. “Didn’t you say you wanted to give me something?”

Eyes widening, Taehyung rubs the back of his neck and averts his gaze. Why are the two of them being so awkward right now? It catches Jungkook off guard, making his chest tighten and his heart feel as though it’s being crushed by his ribcage.

“Tae—”

“Can you sit on the bed, please?”

Nodding, Jungkook sits on the edge of Taehyung’s bed, thinking Taehyung will follow him. Instead, Taehyung squats in front of the old wooden dresser. He pulls out the bottom drawer and looks through the clothing, no longer neatly folded, as he pushes it to the side. Whatever he’s looking for is buried deep in the back of the drawer beneath cable-knit sweaters and flannels.

“I wanted to keep it safe,” Taehyung mumbles once he pushes the drawer shut.

In Taehyung’s hand is a small pouch of blush velvet that matches the shade of pink blooming across Jungkook’s cheeks. Shy embarrassment makes his upper body feel hot. Though Jungkook was excited about the gift when he first learned of it, the reality of being presented with it is nearly too much for his little bunny heart to bear. With a frenzied heart, he takes the pouch from Taehyung, and his breathing stutters when their fingers brush, as though it’s the first time they’ve ever touched.

“I hope you like it,” Taehyung says softly, and Jungkook thinks he might explode.

Undoing the tie at the top of the pouch, Jungkook lets the contents inside slip out and fall into his hand. Rose gold and cold against his skin, the expensive bracelet shines in the natural light bathing Taehyung’s bedroom. It’s a simple gold band that comes together at the top of the wrist where the tiger-shaped clasp is. Decorated with sparkly white diamonds for eyes, the bracelet shimmers when Jungkook turns it to examine every little detail.

“It was my eomma’s. She didn’t wear it a lot, mostly just for fancy things. But she gave it to me when she… Well, she said I should keep it for someone special.”

“It’s beautiful,” Jungkook murmurs, too afraid to speak louder because he can already feel a lump growing in his throat.

Taehyung reaches out to take the bracelet. He turns it so Jungkook can see what’s engraved into the inner part of the bracelet.

“I found a jewelry shop that does engravings, so I got our names…” Taehyung’s face turns bright red, and his tail flips between his ankles faster than Jungkook has ever seen. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’ve been… ah, fuck , why is this so hard.” He exhales through pursed lips, making a silly sound when his lips flutter. “I’ve been courting you, and I’m supposed to give you something really nice at the end to ask if you accept me, okay? That’s what I’m doing. So. Yeah. That’s all.”

Thrusting his arm, Taehyung holds the bracelet for Jungkook to take back.

Taehyung never formally asked Jungkook to date him, but Jungkook knows that this means something more than just a silly title for a young relationship. Although prey hybrids have different customs, it’s easy to see how important this moment is for Taehyung. He’s unbelievably agitated. Not once has his tail calmed down, and now his hands tremble enough for him to shove them into the back pockets of his jeans.

Conversely, Jungkook’s infatuation makes him burn with an eagerness he’s never felt. He can’t help but smile, even when Taehyung frowns, and it feels good because Jungkook knows Taehyung well enough that he can tell the frown is because Jungkook has yet to say anything. Does he accept Taehyung? What a silly question!

“Tae,” Jungkook begins and thinks he can genuinely feel Taehyung grow tense from how suffocating the room is, “I would have accepted you with just the striped donuts. This is… this is more than I could ever imagine, Tae. I accept you, but I don’t know if I can accept something so special to your eomma.”

Shaking his head, Taehyung sits down next to Jungkook. He takes Jungkook’s face in both hands to slowly rub his thumbs across his cheeks, gathering the tears that stain them.

“You’re special, bun. She would’ve loved you. Probably more than she loved me.”

“Shut up, that’s not true.”

“It is, I swear! I gave her so much grief. You’re literally perfect.”

Jungkook’s giggle sounds wet and stuffy. He shivers as Taehyung pulls him against his chest so he can tuck his face against Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Baby, why are you crying?”

Jungkook tries answering Taehyung, but his words get muffled and lost, and he can hardly put the scrambled mess together in his own head. It takes a few minutes, but he eventually stops crying. It helps that Taehyung eases the backpack straps off Jungkook’s shoulders so he can rub his back in soothing circles. He hums a gentle purr and plants little kisses atop Jungkook’s head until Jungkook finally pulls away to look at him with glossy eyes.

“You’re really sweet, Tae,” Jungkook says with a soft smile that grows larger when Taehyung tries to look away from him. “You want to act like you’re not, but you are.”

“I’m alright, I guess.”

“You’re lovely.”

Taehyung’s ears flatten against his head, and he sticks out his tongue, reaching for Jungkook’s hand to squeeze it.

“Can I put it on you?” Taehyung takes the bracelet and clasps it around Jungkook’s wrist. It fits well, not too tight, and it doesn't slip down his forearm.

Jungkook can’t stop thinking about how pretty it looks and how important it is for him to keep it nice. He’ll cherish it for the rest of his life. This gift is not only a declaration of Taehyung’s love but also demonstrates the level of trust that Taehyung has in Jungkook to keep his mother’s beloved possession safe.

Taehyung rubs his wrist against Jungkook’s, scenting him before he pulls back so they can both admire how the bracelet looks on Jungkook. A thick band of rose gold, it’s pretty but isn’t dainty, instead solid and bold. Jungkook knows he won’t wear it always; he’ll be afraid to. Perhaps he’ll wear it on the days he wants to feel Taehyung’s love the most, so his love can be a tangible pressure on his wrist, pressed to one of the points of his heartbeat.

“I love you,” Jungkook whispers against Taehyung’s lips when he kisses him. He loves hearing Taehyung purr when he unexpectedly initiates a kiss, and he loves feeling the warmth of Taehyung’s hands on his body.

“I love you too, bun,” Taehyung whispers back, but he speaks into the corner of Jungkook’s jaw, then nips at each faded hickey down his neck. “Are you gonna tell me what’s in your backpack now? Or do you wanna keep stalling? I could come up with some ideas…”

“Taehyung.” The scold doesn’t mean much when Jungkook digs his fingers in Taehyung’s hair to hold him close as he scents him.

“Come on, baby. What are you hiding from me?”

Of course, Taehyung sees right through Jungkook and catches on to what he’s doing. It should be embarrassing, but Jungkook is too drunk on the feeling of Taehyung’s lips against his throat to care that he’s the most obvious person in the history of the universe. It doesn’t matter anyway. Jungkook has no reason to lie or hide things from Taehyung.

Though this is at least a little bit serious — in a good way, but still…

“How do you know I’m hiding something?” Jungkook stalls just like Taehyung guessed he would, though not in the way Taehyung might want.

Rather than respond, Taehyung pokes Jungkook on the tip of his nose. Like Taehyung has hit a magic button, Jungkook immediately scrunches his nose and giggles when Taehyung kisses the tip of it.

“Suyun told me you were courting me,” Jungkook admits shyly as he drags his backpack into his lap and unzips it.

“Of course she did.”

Jungkook buzzes with excitement even as Taehyung pouts. He holds all wiggles in, though. He can’t afford to have Taehyung teasing him during such a brave moment. Instead, he focuses his energy on not growing too nervous.

“Close your eyes,” Jungkook commands. He stares blankly at Taehyung until he follows his instructions, unwilling to tolerate Taehyung’s cheekiness when it gets in the way of an important moment.

Once Taehyung has obeyed him, Jungkook pulls out a thin, rectangular frame from his backpack and places it in Taehyung’s lap.

“Okay, you can open them now.”

When Taehyung saw Jungkook’s half-finished portrait, he’d sucked Jungkook off so good that Jungkook allegedly passed out. Jungkook didn't want to make any assumptions, and he’s still nervous from being in Taehyung’s dad’s apartment, so he tried not to imagine what Taehyung’s reaction would be after seeing the finished product.

“I know it’s not as fancy or as special as your eomma’s bracelet, but—”

Jungkook quiets when Taehyung presses his finger to his lips and shushes him while his amber eyes scan over the artwork.

“Baby, respectfully, shut up.”

The snort that comes from Jungkook is uncharacteristic. It feels like a Yoongi thing Jungkook must have picked up in the months they’ve lived together. Taehyung pays him no mind, though. He holds the frame up to admire the print. It’s colorful, glossy, and perfectly matted because Jungkook asked one of the digital photography students at their university to help him with it. The girl knew Taehyung; she swore to keep the print a secret and didn’t even charge Jungkook for help. That might be a testament to how sweet Jungkook is, but it could also indicate just how personable Taehyung is, that people are willing to do kind things for him without anything in return.

“Bun,” Taehyung says after spending a quiet moment with the portrait, “Please don’t downplay yourself like that ever again. You are an amazing artist. Your talent, god, bun… your talent is unreal.”

Taehyung is almost too serious when he speaks, and Jungkook feels the looming need to scoot away from him. He doesn’t, though, because he knows this is Taehyung working through his intense feelings for Jungkook, feelings that his predator hybrid instincts don’t know what to do with. Neither Taehyung nor Jungkook is hardwired for a relationship like theirs.

“Thank you.” Jungkook runs his fingertips along Taehyung’s clenched jaw and watches the tension slowly melt away when he pulls back his sleeve to scent him. “Having a gorgeous model is half the battle, actually.”

Ignoring Jungkook’s teasing, Taehyung slides his hand around the back of Jungkook’s neck to pull him closer.

“I love you, bun.”

Jungkook can’t answer, though he doesn’t need to. His lips speak in other ways when Taehyung slips his tongue between them. Unlike before, their kiss isn’t heated or rushed. It’s sensual, but Jungkook is learning that all intimacy with Taehyung, sexual or not, is still somehow sensual. But this kiss feels comforting rather than rousing. It lulls Jungkook instead of stimulating him, and he likes the reassurance that it brings.

"Is this your final courting gift, too?" Taehyung asks once they've finally detached from each other.

Jungkook blushes with a shy, "Yes."

Months ago, Yoongi told Jungkook that pursuing a predator hybrid would break his heart. For the first time in his life, Jungkook feels like his heart finally has a home.

“Would you like me to speak with your parents, Jungkook?”

“Oh, no, no, that’s okay!” Jungkook politely but quickly shuts down Mr. Kim’s offer. “They’re, uh, they would probably be upset if they heard it from anyone other than me.”

With an understanding smile, Mr. Kim resumes cleaning the kitchen, though his endeavor must begin with decluttering, considering all the appliances and utensils tossed around. It’s the life of a chef and restaurant owner, Taehyung had groaned as he complained about how long it would take for them to eat dinner when his father had created a disaster in the kitchen.

Jungkook is eager to scramble out of the kitchen and return to his spot on the living room couch with Taehyung, bringing two bottles of beer given to him by Mr. Kim.

“What was appa talking to you about?” Taehyung asks, before opening his mouth for Jungkook to give him a sip of beer. He looks like a baby bird waiting to be fed, and it makes Jungkook giggle despite how his stomach twists with new nerves.

“He asked me if I told my parents I’m staying with you for winter break yet…”

“Well, have you?” Taehyung raises his eyebrows, but he keeps his eyes on the TV.

Jungkook feels like he needs to remind Taehyung to blink occasionally, but he doesn’t. This is Taehyung’s first time playing video games; Jungkook may as well let him get the authentic gamer experience by fucking up his eyes.

“No.”

“Bun,” Taehyung’s scolding is cut short by a string of expletives when his video game character is murdered.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that Taehyung would choose to play a game about a virus that turns humans into vampires and the human hunters dedicating their lives to slaying them. Violent video games aren’t Jungkook’s preference, but it certainly feeds into the stereotypes about predatory hybrids.

“I’m nervous about it…”

“What’s the worst thing that’ll happen? They’ll get upset, and then they’ll get over it. It’s not like you’ll never come back ever again.”

Taehyung is right, but he’s also wrong. Is Jungkook being dramatic? Perhaps, but he knows his parents better than everyone else, and he knows that they are sensitive.

“Let me talk to them. Do a video call so they can see how handsome I am, and they’ll know you made the right choice.”

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook takes a few more sips of his beer to take the edge off his nerves before he gets up, phone heavy in his hand like a weapon or a ball and chain.

“Pray for me,” Jungkook mumbles into Taehyung’s hair when he kisses him.

“Tell them I’ll eat them if they’re mean to you. I like how bunnies taste.”

“Oh my gosh, Taehyung, your appa is right there,” Jungkook whispers harshly, but Taehyung’s boxy grin is the symbol of audacity.

Jungkook uses Taehyung’s bedroom to make the phone call. It takes a few minutes of Jungkook biting at a hangnail before he randomly chooses his father to call, having no idea which of his parents will be the least likely to be upset over the news. Jungkook wonders if other college students must worry about having this conversation when they go away for breaks.

Before visiting the Kims, Jungkook tried to do a roleplay scenario with Suyun and Yoongi to see if that would help him plan what to say.

Yoongi was too scary to talk to; Jungkook kept slipping up. The more he talked, the worse it got, until he was practically sharing the whole story of his romance with Taehyung to justify why he was choosing to stay with a predator hybrid.

“Well, don’t tell them what he is!” is what Suyun had insisted.

“True… I don’t have to. It would be lying, though. I’m so bad at lying!”

“It’s not lying. It’s just withholding information. Totally different.”

As usual, Jungkook thinks hanging out with predators changed Suyun — but probably for the better.

With a sigh, Jungkook sets his phone on speaker and lies on Taehyung’s bed, counting each ring and thinking that his heartbeat somehow harmonizes with it.

“Jungkook-ah?”

“Oh, eomma, hi. Where’s appa?”

Jungkook doesn’t think it matters which one of his parents hears the news first, but he doesn’t like being caught off guard. Despite being proud of how much confidence he has gained and the personal growth he has experienced since transferring to Seoul, Jungkook still feels like a kid when around his parents.

“He went into town for groceries but forgot his phone again. I think I need to buy him one of those watches. Do you know the ones?”

“A smartwatch?”

Despite their flaws, Jungkook loves his parents. It’s just that the love they all share for each other is different, and it isn’t always easy. Jungkook feels that love while his mother rambles about his father being forgetful, and he reminds himself that Taehyung is right. This isn’t the end of the world.

“Hey, eomma, I can’t talk for a long time right now, but I needed to tell you I have a boyfriend now…” Jungkook takes a deep breath and continues before his mother can respond, “And I’m going to stay with him and his family for winter break.”

The silence that follows is expected. Because of this, Jungkook hears the bedroom door open, and he nods when Taehyung asks for permission to come inside. He sits on the bed beside Jungkook, who is now lying on his stomach, and gently scratches the base of Jungkook’s ears.

“Oh. For the whole break?”

“Mhm.”

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”

Jungkook cringes. “I know, eomma. I’m sorry.”

Taehyung doesn’t seem offended. He plays with Jungkook’s hair and ears and keeps quiet to let Jungkook think.

“Hmm, Jungkook-ah, I hope he is treating you well. Is he smart? What is he studying? What do his parents do for a living?”

“Ah, please, don’t interrogate me!”

“I’m just asking simple questions every eomma should know.”

“We can talk later, okay? I will call you, and we’ll talk with appa, too.”

One day, Jungkook will tell his parents more than the bare minimum details about the boy who holds his heart. For now, Jungkook tells his mother he loves her and tosses his phone off to the side once the call ends so the pretty tiger, who smells like summer rain, can shower him with sweet kisses until all of Jungkook’s worries are washed away.

“I can’t wait to meet them,” Taehyung purrs against Jungkook’s throat, where he kisses him. “How many times do you think I should visit with them before I ask them if I can marry you?”

“Stop it,” Jungkook whispers, though Taehyung can’t tell if Jungkook is scolding him for what he said about marriage or for how he’s got Jungkook flat on his back with his leg hiked up over his waist so he can grind their hips together.

Both? Either? Jungkook doesn’t know.

“Did you know Jackson can officiate weddings?” Taehyung asks with a slow roll of his hips. They’re both in jeans and sweaters; Taehyung just likes being a tease.

“Taehyung.”

“I heard sex feels different after you’re mated.”

“Taehyung. You’re so gross.”

Jungkook throws his arms over Taehyung’s shoulders and crushes him against his chest, ready to drown in the giggles he earns in response, giggles from a big, scary tiger who is utterly whipped for his bun. Who would have thought?

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Disclaimer: All my writing is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. None of these characters are meant to actually represent the real people mentioned in the stories.

All rights reserved © @gimmethatagustd - Do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my writing. Do not use my writing for any AI purposes whatsoever. Do not use my fics for anything aside from reading and commenting on them. My fics will only be posted on this Tumblr and on AO3 (gimmethatagustd & daddytaehyungie).

#taekook #taehyung x jungkook #bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #venor #jai writes #gimmethatagustd

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vminity21 · 1 year

Text

Destined | jjk

Pairing: actor!Jeongguk x female!reader, boyfriend!Taehyung x female!reader, f2l!au, school!au

Word Count: 25,530

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Warning(s): unrequited love, mega-angst (im sorry), profanity, mention of an accident, dirty talk/jokes, smut, fingering, finger sucking, nipple play, m!dom, slight f!dom, clit play, oral (m + f receive), smutty kissing, probably some nipple play; Rated: 18+

Summary: You have had feelings for Jeon Jeongguk since you laid eyes on him. Through the stages of life he has engulfed your brain in ways you will never understand. His feelings for you bloom but a huge misunderstanding will leave you so broken, you don’t know what else to do other than run. You watch as Jeongguk’s dreams become a reality, and despite your new love interest, you never expected to be reconnected with the man who once captured your heart and is determined to find you again.

{Present Day}

Tears drip in warm trails off your cheeks when the click of the front door signifies the leaving of Taehyung. Admitting you are in love with someone else is already hard enough, but the pain of losing someone whom you thought would understand is more overwhelming than you could have possibly imagined. Conversation involving a famous talk show murmurs in the background, but the volume is not enough to drown out the sniffles now pressing onto the back of your hand while your entire frame shudders. Eventually, you plan to reach out to Tae in hopes of reconciling at least a friendship because it is what he deserves, and his heart is in the right place despite the pain you caused.

It is the face on the television screen that captured your heart for sixteen long years and the roller coaster of emotions encircling your chest tightens, producing a lump at the back of your throat as you swallow roughly. The movie premiere has officially been released, and the world has gone feral for the man seated before the interviewer who has asked questions the entire time as expected. But it was the words that the man said that confirmed what you needed to know, and when you froze with the remote almost slipping from your hand, you knew that you were still in love with him, and your now ex-boyfriend Kim Taehyung could tell in your eyes that there is no turning back.

There was a fight that prompted Taehyung to leave, but he was aware from vague communications that you and the actor in the interview had a history. A long history of almost unrequited love, or so you assumed, to reconnecting in the most unexpected way, but before things could get out of hand this time, you did approach Taehyung in a warning that maybe things weren’t meant to be, but he convinced you to stay because sometimes everybody goes through their spells of doubt. But, when it came to Jeon Jeongguk, there were never any doubts.

It’s him.

It was always him. And, when answering a question involving inspiration as to why Jeongguk chose the career path he is on- the words you had spoken to him back in high school were repeated, and your heart turned with the longing that never dimmed. You love Taehyung, and that was never a lie; he unknowingly helped you through a tremendous heartbreak that ultimately revealed to be a misunderstanding that still leaves you humiliated to reminisce upon. And even now, standing within the living room of your home, you no longer can take it; sauntering to the kitchen table, you scoop up your car keys, slipping on your shoes, there is only one destination in mind. Locking the door behind you, the crisp air of the evening that wafts along your face is a reminder of the tears still wanting to fall, and when your car roars to life, your vision adjusts past the tears, and you turn out of the driveway on a mission.

A mission to find some form of healing.

10 years earlier…

{14}

Sunshine reflects off the bleachers enough to cause your eyes to squint toward your notebook where you sketch enough doodles to realize you have not made a dent in your homework. How can you? The pang of a soccer ball bounces off a shoe into the air- kicked with intense force to cause your wandering eyes to view the anger now contorting the player’s expression. His lips stay in a firm pink line, but the dew from the earlier rain unexpectedly slips him onto his back while cocky laughter reverberates beyond the field. Heart turning with sadness, you remain hidden within your favorite spot, though even from a distance, you can see evidently that his feelings are hurt.

“C’mon, Jeongguk, you can’t make the team!” Kevin, the most raucous bully of the school clutches at his stomach overdramatically while his posse looms behind him. “You can barely make the tennis team! You’re in over your head, man,” and with that, they scurry off, shoving into each other’s shoulders as if they have accomplished the funniest gig when really, the most they have accomplished is the nausea rearing within your stomach. And, as much as you want to take a stand for the boy now swiping at his clothes, you shyly hold back continuing to seem hidden high up on the bleachers where he never seems to notice you exist.

Here is where you wait until your father comes to pick you up; unless it is overwhelmingly crowded, you tend to wander off in the opposite direction. You will hide within the room where the drama club meets to practice their lines. It may be halfway into your first year of high school, but you have successfully memorized every aspect of the school building, and while the memory dissipates, you cuddle your notebook to your chest when you watch the lanky kid spit out sentences of curse words before swinging his arm around in a mimic of punching someone.

Jeongguk is not the only one who has had his fair share of Kevin. It was elementary school when you first became acquainted with the two, and the memory still haunts you at times to this day:

“Piggy! Piggy! You’re a chubby piggy!” Kevin would, for lack of a better term, romantically sing to you, side stepping a full circle around you to where you would feel cornered. At eight years old, you were slightly on the chubby side though by nine years old you slimmed up, but on that particular day at eight years of age, Kevin took his demeaning banter too far pushing you severely to the limit. Jabbing a finger into your face, his snotty nose almost made you hurl on his brand-new sneakers.

“Shut up Kevin!” You warned whilst your stubby digits curled into your palms.

“Make me, four eyes!”

Glaring at him, you wished he would disappear as easily as a magic trick, and your fists remained glued to your sides while you fumed. Your stomach growled above the intense anxiety within your abdomen, and you were livid enough at this kid for interrupting your snack time. Tears gathered when you couldn’t find a swift comeback.

“Hey!” A young voice yelled. “That’s not very nice!”

Turning, you saw a dark-haired boy an inch or two taller than you with puffy, red cheeks and bright, brown eyes whose mouth pulled into a pucker once his eyebrows knitted together. Instinctively your mouth flew open as you gazed at your knight in shining armor.

“I don’t care!” Kevin blasted. “She’s a four-eyed pickle brain!”

That was it.

Slowly, you faced Kevin, the fire burning in your palms had never felt so real and before you could control yourself, you smacked him as hard as you could across his face. Kevin gasped in terror as he tumbled to the ground, crying dramatically once his hand pressed against his reddened cheek. Embarrassment washed over mingled with immense fear when you realized what you had done. Kids had been so busy enjoying their lunches throughout the picnic tables that they hadn’t noticed Kevin’s relentless sobs. Taking a step back, you lifted your hand to your mouth to stifle the triumphant smile wanting to grow at the sudden action. You smacked Kevin! The biggest bully you had ever known. Your palm and fingers were slightly pink from the aftermath and despite your heart ramming along your ribcage, you enjoyed that subtle sense of pride.

“What happened? Kevin, love, what happened?” The teacher ran quickly toward the tear-stained boy, bending down to rub his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. A blush crept its way to your ears as you watched the teacher lift the child to his feet. Already visualizing Kevin pointing an accusing finger toward you, you felt the ground being ripped from beneath your feet.

Kevin stuttered, hardly understanding a word he blubbered, “"She-he sma -ah-acked muh-muh-muh-me.”

“Is this true?” The teacher questioned, quite stunned to think a quiet student as yourself would ever do such a thing, but in the teacher’s defense, she was unaware of the turmoil Kevin continuously put you through. Frozen stiff, your eyes enlarged in evident fear, swallowing the lump in your throat trying to gather words, but had not had the chance to speak when someone unexpectedly spoke up on your behalf.

“I-I did it, Misses Kim.”

Those were not your words.

Those were from the little boy who feigned being ashamed as he locked his hands behind his back, staring at the ground. His bottom lip jutted out to add to the effect and all you could wonder was what this insane boy was doing. His eyes met yours for the first time when he raised his head, let me handle it, he pleaded with you before returning to Miss Kim. “He called me a bad word so I… I hit him.”

“Oh, Jeongguk.” Miss Kim sighed. “I am extremely disappointed in you.”

“Bu-But!” Kevin blurted, but the teacher continued.

“The two of you will have to see the principal. I’ll phone both of your parents as well,” she straightened her frame, leading the two boys toward the school while you remained sticker shocked. Jeongguk, head casted downward, slipped his small hands into his pockets, and to this day, you still could not believe the bravery he had. Jeongguk was your hero in that moment years ago and risked his school record for a girl who was verbally bullied by some petty kid who has nothing better to do than bring others down.

Jeongguk hadn’t known you that well back then and he still took the blame. In fact, that was the day nearly seven years ago when your heart leaped every time you would see him walking the hallways. He and Kevin were let off with a warning by the principal and you hoped that Jeongguk would become your friend after his stunt, but unfortunately, it had never happened and he was switched to a different class, so they could keep him, and Kevin separated to prevent further troubles if any were to happen. And as humiliating as it is to admit it, you remember crying when you discovered he wouldn’t be in your class for the rest of the year which kept you from ever being able to thank him for sticking up for you.

Now at fourteen, you watch him from a distance wishing life would bring him to you as it did when you were eight. Jeongguk, focused, kicks the soccer ball again where it soars into the goal, the net rebounding the ball back onto the ground. He stands in awe, breathing heavily as he bows forward to place his hands on his waist- hair swooping over his eyes, probably annoyed that Kevin isn’t there to witness the success. I believe in you, you want to whisper to the breeze hoping miraculously that your encouragement would reach him, but instead, you bite the corner of your lip nervously. Of course, Kevin is the current star of the soccer and tennis teams, and he is still the jerk you always knew him as. And, since it has been a solid seven years since the incident from elementary school, between the two boys it has been forgotten.

You jump when your phone buzzes harshly against the metal of the bleacher to see it is a text message from your dad of his arrival. From your peripheral vision, Jeongguk’s head shoots up to see you scrambling to compile your books into your backpack, eventually jogging to where your dad typically parks. Praying under your breath, you hope Jeongguk isn’t watching you, or finding you weird for sitting out there alone, or here you go overanalyzing absolutely any situation involving him… Again. Heart thudding in your temples, you hope the lad isn’t embarrassed if he were to think that you happened to witness the situation with Kevin earlier on the field. If only Jeongguk knew how much you want to support him.

Flinging the car door open, you roughly seat yourself inside.

“Whoa there, Kid. Someone’s in a hurry, eh?” Your dad’s deep voice greets you as he chuckles. Exasperation forms into a sigh, so you shut your eyes momentarily.

“Sorry dad, I just want to go home.”

“Alrighty then, but you’re okay though, right?”

“I am.” You promise in a murmur, shifting to face the window where the countryside zips past. Your father always knows when to let you have your time to yourself which is something you have always appreciated. Plus, you haven’t found the courage to talk to him when it comes to the topic involving boys. As protective as your father is, you know better than to bring it up.

Upon the arrival of home, a small house, fit for a family of three is nestled in a quiet suburban area where the neighbors respectfully tend to themselves and there’s hardly any space to run which you happen to not mind. To your pleasant surprise, your mother greets you and your father at the door. The smell of food wafts prompting your mouth to water.

“You’re home early!” You say cheerfully whilst your mom pecks the side of your forehead.

“A lot of staff today, so they sent me home.” She smiles as she turns to finish preparing dinner. Your parents have always been wonderful at conversation which you are highly grateful for, and once dinner is served, you help set the table before taking a seat across from your mother. Your father sits in the chair to your right. Each of you speak on how your days have gone which your parents enjoy hearing things are going well on your end. Though you normally tell your parents everything, especially your whereabouts when you’re hanging out with a friend, one thing they are not aware of is your distant crush on Jeon Jeongguk. At times, you almost confess to your mom, hoping she can give you some advice, but the other factor that comes into play is that you and he aren’t… friends really, just acquaintances which others may find bizarre as to why you are so infatuated with him. But you want nothing more than to be his friend if that’s all it takes.

"So,” your mother’s voice breaks the brief silence, dispersing any thoughts involving Jeongguk. “Now that you are finally in high school, you know, one step closer to being an adult…" She pauses. “Have you been thinking about colleges yet?" Mom stabs at her salad with her fork, the plate clinking beneath each jab. Pausing mid-chew, eyes wide, her question catching you off guard; you can feel your dad's stare as he remains silent.

"Well," you say reaching to take a sip of water. "I mean, it's a little too soon to tell right now… I think. Maybe." Stuttering, you nervously crumple a napkin in your hand.

When an excruciatingly few more minutes, pass with the same awkward silence, your mom chuckles. "I'm just messing with you. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!"

"Oh, my goodness, mom, you scared me!" You reply in obvious relief noticing your dad's shoulders shake as he tries to contain his laughter. "She had you there for a minute."

When dinner is finished, after some more frilly laughter, you help with the dishes before running to your room. You shut the door behind you in anticipation for the warmth of your bed covers. It doesn’t take long to put on pajamas after brushing your teeth and once your frame tangles into the comforter, you feel better. The memory of the very first day of high school filling your mind until you drift to sleep.

{15}

Summer break always brings a loneliness that you dread especially in sleep when nothing, but the images of Jeongguk’s face haunt you in the sweetest way. How is it that a student, meaning you, counts down the days until they see their crush again? How is it that you actually enjoy being at school because it means Jeon Jeongguk? You get it. It’s not normal. It’s not normal for a teenager to beg for time to pass swiftly just to roam the halls of school again.

When you find yourself entering your first class to begin your second year of high school, your stomach flips immediately which increases your heart rate at the sight of Jeongguk. For the first time since children, you now share a class together which means you will see him up close every day versus a far distance between the bleachers and the field. Refraining from smiling giddily like the maniac you want to say you are, you bow your head as you find a seat to descend into. A seat that rests beside a girl with faded purple strands and kind eyes. She doesn’t seem familiar, so you figure she is new to the school.

Flitting your stare, you see the way a boy with dark hair gazes at the girl before taking his seat. At some point in a span of a few minutes, you learn that his name is Jimin, and her name is Monnie. Something about them makes you smile; it is as if they have a chemistry that is so obvious that even grown adults in established relationships would be envious of the bond they share. If only you could say that about Jeon Jeongguk… But that would require interacting with him. Which then requires bravery. And that is something you do not know how to collect without humiliation following close behind it.

Weeks pass further into the school year. The more you keep your ears alert, you tune into conversation between the new classmates as well as the whispers in the hallways involving them. Park Jimin is not only a fellow classmate of your first subject but started attending the drama club alongside Monnie. It is rumored that Jimin starred in a childhood movie that used to be popular. And if you heard correctly, Monnie was in the movie also which is how the two initially met. Jeongguk, who you have noticed has been adopted into their friend group, smiles widely at the couple and plants himself comfortably into the chair behind Jimin while they giggle about something you didn’t quite catch.

Trying not to gaze too long at the trio, you remember last week Jimin, and Monnie were trying to convince Jeongguk to join the drama club because he always had a passion for acting which is something new that you learned about him. Jeongguk seemed uncomfortable from what you gathered, but your heart bloomed with the hope that he would show up to the scheduled times the club usually meets. Would this be the year that he changes his mind? And why was he so nervous? If acting is his passion, why not give drama club a chance?

It is a typical Monday morning, one you did not anticipate, after organizing your wardrobe in the order of favorite outfits you plan to wear for the week. A strange urge to style your hair and paint on a bit of makeup surprises you, but you woke early enough to make it happen, and you throw on your first favorite outfit of the week. You feel oddly confident in yourself for reasons you haven’t quite figured out. Regardless, you roll with it. Is this a way to see if Jeongguk will notice you for once this morning?

Well, he doesn’t.

Maybe if you busy your mind with something else it will help. So, you do. Doodling along a piece of notebook paper shielded by your binder, you are tempted to write his initials within the hearts you’ve drawn but resist. With your luck, the teacher will catch you and read the drawings in front of the class. Then, your crush will be made known. A crush that he may dismiss or be confused by since neither of you talk. Sometimes, you just wish he simply knew you existed.

Drama Club becomes your primary focus once you near the end of your final class of the day. Mrs. Lee already passed the scripts for Romeo and Juliet last week for everyone to study. Today is the day she will have the students read their parts aloud. When the bell rings, you fumble through your backpack until your fingers grip the side of the play and as the anxiety starts to flutter within your stomach, you gulp.

The walk isn’t far, but your steps halt, tongue mutes, and sweat beads form along the line of your forehead the moment your gaze briefly meets the eyes of Jeon Jeongguk. He’s here!? In drama club? He decided to join after all!? Jimin who happens to be sat beside Jeongguk, nudges his shoulder to show him a funny video on his cellphone which disrupts you from your reverie. Did Jeongguk just catch you looking at him?

Your mouth feels dry at this point, and you hurriedly find a seat four chairs away from him to figure out how to steady your breathing. You thought you were anxious before, but the clammy feel of your palms on top of quivering fingers show that it escalated the moment your eyes met. How can someone have this much of a hold over you unintentionally? None of this makes any sense to you, but there is something about this human being that drives you mad.

Your bag slips to the ground by your side while your eyes glue to the script before you. The words of Mrs. Lee echo in the room once everyone arrives, but you are so muddled you hardly grasp what she is saying. All you know is that you are assigned to be the narrator which is easy for you to find because your part is in italics mostly. And then, you silently breathe a slow sigh of relief when Jeongguk is introduced to everyone by Mrs. Lee, and she assigns him the part of Paris since one of the students originally assigned is out sick.

You feel relief because that means Jeongguk isn’t going to be assigned Romeo. And that is because you aren’t assigned Juliet. The last thing you want is to see him, although acting, face to face with another girl. It would hurt and you don’t have time to be hurt. Even though it is you hurting yourself.

One thing you did happen to observe is how timid Jeongguk became when he was introduced as the new addition to the drama club. Is he really that shy? Or did he seem like he didn’t want anyone to know that he is going to be a part of the club in itself?

Unfortunately, he still gets taunted by Kevin which tears your heart into pieces, but Kevin wouldn’t cause him any hell over this right? Drama club isn’t even embarrassing, so why would Jeongguk be embarrassed? Are his parents against him having a passion to become an actor? Maybe it’s a family thing he is worried about.

You really overthink too much; you scold yourself inwardly.

{16}

College planning becomes the ultimate priority when entering the final year of high school. You even gained a friend in a sweet girl named LenLen whose sleek, black hair is tossed behind her shoulders while she concentrates on the task at hand. Last year happens to be a blur, and you spent the summer hanging out with LenLen, but keeping your secret about Jeongguk buried until you feel it is safe to bring it to life.

Speaking of Jeongguk, he hardly came to drama club all last year until the very end when he became even closer to Jimin and Monnie. They must have done an excellent job encouraging him because he doesn’t want the entire school to know that he loves to act, and it shows, yet he attended much more than you expected the final months of the last semester. What is he so afraid of? You still haven’t figured it out.

Rubbing your fingers along your forehead in exhaustion, jittery nerves bundle at your fingertips as your eyes burn from staring at the computer screen too long. LenLen asked if you would meet her at the library after class to apply for colleges, and she is typing away at the keyboard while you take a mini break.

There is only one college you have your heart set on the second you discovered it over the summer, and the only college you want to attend:

Konkuk University.

It is the top college you can attend to pursue a degree in acting. The constant talk of colleges amongst the teachers have reminded students to start preparing for where they will want to go to begin their dream careers. Your parents have been doing research along with you to colleges you can apply for, but Konkuk seems to be where you want to go. Where you feel, you are destined to go. The excitement of even applying to Konkuk seems to be the only thing on your mind.

Promising LenLen you will save her a seat in the cafeteria, you click off Konkuk’s website, sling your backpack over your shoulder and rush to make it to the lunch line. She arrives around ten minutes later, sitting across from you as your lunch trays almost collide. It’s as if your peripherals pick up her presence, but your pupils do not leave the sight you cannot believe you are seeing.

Jeongguk must have gained a new friend too because there he is entering the cafeteria alongside Kevin and his clique. Whatever Kevin said to impress Jeongguk is beyond you, but who in their right mind would see Kevin as a good guy? He has bullied so many people, yet Jeongguk gave him a chance to redeem himself. Or at least, that is what you are trying to tell yourself. You are stunned by the revelation that you almost miss the statement LenLen makes.

“I see you staring.” She smirks, kicking at your shoe as an equivalent to elbowing you if she wasn’t sitting across from you. You can’t help the way your eyes enlarge in response.

“Wha- what do you mean?”

Winking, “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Shifting your stare towards Jeongguk, you want to cringe at the thought that somebody has figured out your secret. Or maybe you want to cringe because you have made it way too obvious. You decide to play dumb.

“Wh-who?”

“Kevin, silly! You haven’t stopped staring at him all day!”

Oh, the way your jaw drops so quickly and abruptly. It’s as if you are offended because in all honesty, you are. But LenLen is nowhere near at fault for that. Kevin just has no chance with you even if he is to be the last man on earth.

“Kevin!?” You manage to say with your voice cracking. “You think I’m looking at Kevin!?”

She swiftly examines the group of guys just to shrug. “Well, who are you looking at then?” Looking down at your food, which you have been nibbling on, you quickly start eating it again. LenLen gets the point and doesn't press any further. "Well... Whoever it is, just talk to him!" Though her intentions are genuinely pure, it’s easier said than done. You still haven’t worked up the courage to approach him. It has been years that you have known his existence, yet you haven’t said a word to him to try and introduce him into your world.

Months disappear into time and the one day you miss due to being sick is of course a day where one of your teachers passed out a test. So, guess where you are today? Staying after school to make up a test. Once turned in, Mr. Von leaves in a hurry, but you don’t immediately text your dad to be on his way. Instead, you shuffle through your backpack to find the script for A Midsummer Night's Dream to quickly highlight your lines to give yourself some quiet time.

Hearing footsteps reverberate in the hallway, a chirpy whistle is keeping up with the beat of each step. You keep your focus unbroken and manage tuning out the sounds. You do catch, however, the footsteps passing the open door, halting, to then backpedaling as if the person notices you are in the classroom.

“Hey there!” The deep voice is as happy as the melody he had been whistling, but there is something familiar about the sound of his voice. “Y/N, right?”

“Yes!” You reply faster than you mean to, and once your eyes lift to the figure before you, there is a moment where you want to run, but also a moment that makes the world around you disappear into the depths of your brain cells. Jeon Jeongguk. The person who entered the classroom is Jeon Jeongguk. Holy shit.

What do you say? How do you speak? Where do you begin? How do you begin if there was never a beginning? How do you breathe? How do you blink? How do you stand? How do you walk? How do you act normal? How do you even even?

“I’m Jeongguk,” he offers his hand, and then you must coax yourself to shake it, but even then, you are questioning how you reach your hand forward to slap palms and shake his hand.

“Nice-nice to meet y-you.” You force your biggest smile, but that feels awkward. Amazed, you can’t believe you’re even audible when speaking because your voice is coming out so quiet. You are nervous meaning you’re either going to be too loud or too quiet.

He nods. “You did great today by the way… Playing Titania.” One thing you have gathered about Jeongguk this year so far is that he has become so outgoing compared to previous years of knowing him. He is one of those guys who will talk to just about anybody and knows how to keep a conversation going. If only those were skills, you developed because you just make things plain awkward.

“And you did wonderful playing Oberon.” The blush heats upon your chest and cheeks while you return the compliment. Can your heart pound any harder? Any faster? You figure he is bringing this up in general because Mrs. Lee plans on quizzing everybody on their lines in preparation for the play. Your eyes trail him from the tips of his shoes to the handsome curve of his chin, and you hate the affect he has on you even over a small conversation.

Why is he so attractive?

The silence is smothering, but he holds a soft grin as he turns to lean against a desk behind him. “Thank you.” He murmurs, shoving his slim fingers into his pockets. Why does he seem so distant suddenly? Does this mean you leave? Why leave when you have waited to magically be alone with him for years just to be able to obsessively write in your journal every single detail you remember of sharing your first real conversation with Jeongguk? Goodness, you need help. He’s just a guy. But you know very well that trying to chalk this up as ‘no big deal’ isn’t going to work. Because him standing before you is, indeed, a big ass deal.

Jeongguk clears his throat. “I know this is random, but you seem very passionate about what you do. Have you ever had a dream that you were uncertain about? Like… you knew that it was exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared maybe… it was too good to be true?”

Looking down for a moment, you know what he is saying. Everyone has experienced this a time or two in their life. Possibly even more. Chasing dreams can be scary, but that’s what makes it rewarding. He's obviously talking about acting. And from the past few months of the drama club, Jeongguk really has it in him. He really can act. Every line he's ever given, he's always shown the right amount of emotion. Each character he's given to portray, he knows exactly what to do and how to depict that character in the most beautiful way. He hardly ever receives criticism from Mrs. Lee, and he receives tons of standing ovations for his outstanding performances from his peers and you know deep down an audience will follow behind in his future.

You can never understand why he's always been so ashamed of his talent. Who cares what anybody thinks? Especially Kevin. Nobody cares about him, nor his thoughts anyway. So, why should Jeongguk? After a second, you realize he's still waiting for you to speak.

Deciding to take this opportunity, you give him some advice. If anything, maybe it will help him. Possibly stick with him for the rest of his life. Now that would be too good to be true. You just need to try. You’re so tired of him being ashamed of the drama club. He should never be ashamed of his talent. Or himself.

"Jeongguk..." Wetting your lips before you continue, you try desperately to gather your words. "Don't ever be afraid of chasing your dreams. You know you can do it, so why are you afraid of what other people think?" He looks at you, lips parted, his brown eyes deeply searching yours. "You know you're good enough to make it. So, go for it. I mean it." You know you’re coming off a little stern, but it's time for him to know the truth about how you feel. Even if it’s only the brim of the whole damn truth. "You are so talented, Jeongguk. I always wish I could perform like you; convey emotion as you do with every character you're given."

He grins shyly, leaning off the desk and reaching over to give you a side hug. "You know, I have never heard you talk this much before!" He pulls away, his eyes never leaving yours. "Thank you. That means so much.”

"Hey.” You murmur softly. Unintentionally yet boldly, you pinch his chin gently between your fingertips to keep his gaze from faltering. “Don't be afraid anymore, Jeongguk. Okay?”

Sincerity fills his eyes as you give him a terse nod. Knowing your dad is probably waiting for you outside at this point since it has been too long for you to not text him, you collect your bag and duck out of the classroom, your heart still pounding as if you just ran a marathon.

Either way, you’re thankful. Giddy, even. That's the first time you and Jeongguk have held a conversation, and that's the very first time you've ever told him what you think of him and his many talents. The only thing you left out was the never-ending crush you've had on him because now is not the time to reveal something that most likely wouldn’t make any sense to him. Sometimes, you don’t fully understand how deep your feelings for him go.

And that is okay with you.

The Friendship Phase

{17}

Familiarity in the form of heated bleachers against the skin of the bottoms of your legs bring a subtle comfort while your eyes scan the pages of the book assigned in literature class. With only a few months away from graduation, there is also the spring play to look forward to in a span of a few weeks yet the only thing you can genuinely rejoice about is the newfound friend you have in Jeon Jeongguk.

Yes, you thought that correctly.

You are now friends with Jeon Jeongguk which obviously deepened your feelings stronger than you ever thought possible. Shifting your mind, you scope the endless colorful, sticky notes sticking out of all sides of this book. You have always taken your studies seriously which is something your parents are very proud of, but sometimes you are exhausted.

Sounds of enthusiastic footsteps pounce along the metal bleachers which captures your attention to look up. “Hey, y/n,” your heart melts as Jeongguk’s bunny grin includes a brief wave of his thin hand.

“Hey there.” You coo even though you didn’t mean to coo. Jeongguk plops next to you leaning into you swiftly to then stretching his long legs on the empty bleacher in front of him. “I heard Jimin pranked you earlier.” Jeongguk shudders but in a humorous way at your random statement.

“And they just had the audacity to film the whole thing.”

“You have the best reactions, and you know it.” You can’t help but chuckle with him as he shakes his head. With one hand, he ruffles his bangs, his smile staying intact.

“I’ll get him back.”

“When-”

“Nobody knows. It could be today, tomorrow or Friday the thirteenth.”

Teasingly, you roll your eyes. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

He elbows the side of your ribs prompting you to snicker at him. After a moment, the silence only lasts shortly while Jeongguk eyes you curiously. “Have you applied to Konkuk, yet?”

You remember the eagerness you felt last night once it was completed and submitted. “Applied last night, have you?”

His dream has also been Konkuk University which you had no idea until months earlier when the friendship blossomed. Acting comes in handy especially at a time like this because hiding feelings from the one person you’ve been infatuated with since elementary school might burn the chance of him staying in your life. If a friendship is all he wants from you, then a friendship from you he will have no matter the pain.

“Of course!” Jeongguk’s enthusiasm shows in his voice as he stares out onto the soccer field and the bright, blue sky. “We will have to celebrate!”

Smiling, you shake your head at his optimism with the hope for this dream to come true remaining. “Jeongguk, I don’t even know if I’ve been accepted, yet!”

“I have no doubt,” he reaches over and pats your shoulder, inwardly making your heart skip a beat. It’s then the familiar buzz of your phone reminds you of your father’s arrival to pick you up and though you love your father, it takes everything in you not to groan. If you could sit here with Jeongguk forever, you would.

“Thank you, Guk.” You say, nudging his shoulder with your own as you move to stand to your feet. His eyes always show a serenity when you use the nickname you gave him. It happened randomly but also naturally as if he has been your friend longer than he actually has. Jeongguk looks up at you, positioning his head where the sun isn’t shining in his eyes.

“What are you doing later?” You wonder, hugging your binder to your chest after slinging your bookbag over your shoulder.

“I’m practicing dance moves with Jimin and Monnie. There are a few moves they’ve been struggling with, so I offered to help.”

Auditions for the spring musical were a few weeks ago, and already being assigned roles, everyone in the drama club has been practicing nonstop in preparation for the play. Jeongguk stands to his feet leaning backward to stretch. “You can come if you want to,” he insists, standing straighter. “I’d love for you to join.”

Though disappointment fills you (because when do you not want to be with Jeongguk), you remember your mom is planning on cooking dinner tonight, and you need to study not only for a quiz on Friday but study the couple lines you have for the musical as well as the songs of choice. “I can’t tonight, but I’ll catch you tomorrow?”

“I’ll catch you tomorrow.” Guk raises his arms in the air, pulling you into a tight hug. As the both of you sway from side to side, you take in the faint smell of his cologne, his smooth chin resting against your forehead. It takes everything in you not to move to kiss him but then you remember that you’ve never been kissed. Pulling away slightly, you notice the atmosphere change, as if a nervous tension has made its appearance between you two. Slowly lifting your head, you see Jeongguk’s ajar lips first before he swallows. Refraining from scrunching your eyebrows, you have no idea what to make of this moment with his arms still wrapped around you.

Is there more that he wants to say?

Abruptly, as if lightning has struck, Jeongguk presses his lips ever so softly on your reddening cheek. Eyes wide and heart ramming against your sternum, you don’t even have time to react before he sprints off. Your fingertips touch the tingling spot of your cheek and now you will be counting down the minutes until you get to see him again.

The practices for the musical are building excitement for everyone in the drama club. The adrenaline rush of performing in front of a live audience along with the impact of the music when everyone’s voices join in loud harmony; the dance moves growing more in sync with every practice, the pure joy of getting to share this dream with people considered your second family; absolutely all of it gives everyone something to look forward to and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

Turning the page to your wrinkled script, you briefly study the highlighted lines. The air outside has warmed, the cloudy day giving off a strange feeling as you try to focus on the words in front of you.

Instead of pouncing feet, this time the footsteps are slower, heavier, dragging even. Curiosity mingled with concern fills you as you turn to see a quiet Jeon Jeongguk who is eyeing the ground, hands in pockets, pink lips in a straight line, walking to take a seat next to you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you’re surprised at his sudden change in demeanor. You haven’t seen him like this in a while.

This morning he was all smiles and dancing his little jigs down the hallway whenever it was time to go to class. At first, you’re at a loss of what to say, and when Jeongguk, finally meets your gaze, he swallows a lump in his throat.

“Something’s going on with Monnie and Jimin.” He murmurs, concern evident in his features. He scratches at his knee then slips his slim fingers into his pocket. Shock fills you.

“What!?” Replaying the day's events, it’s hard to keep up with Jimin and Monnie during the school day versus seeing them at drama club. Observing Guk, worry remains in his expression.

“Jimin won’t tell me what’s going on, but he’s been upset all day.” He chews the side of his cheek, his eyes zoned out in front of him.

“Have you spoken to Monnie?” Now realizing, the two of them haven’t texted in the group chat in a while, and you beat yourself up for being so oblivious.

Jeongguk shakes his head slowly, meeting your eyes. “She dodges me and Jimin every time we try to catch her attention.” Running a hand through his dark hair, he lets out a long sigh through his nose. All you know is whatever is going on is not good. Jimin and Monnie are crazy about each other whether they will admit it or not.

“What about practice? When’s the last time you all got together for that?” Bringing your hand to your mouth, you can’t help gnawing on your nails, anxiety for your friends rising. Also, Jeongguk has been practicing dance moves with them a lot recently; with Jimin, playing the prince, and Monnie, playing the main fairy, which are the lead roles, practice for them is imperative.

“A few days ago.”

“And everything was fine then?”

“Yeah.” Jeongguk is so quiet that you barely hear him. Your heart breaks, not only for the sadness of this situation. Without thinking, you set your stuff to the side, scooting closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Your heart thumps within you at your sudden gesture, and self-consciously wondering what he may have thought of it. To your surprise he leans his head against yours, his warmth bringing peace after hearing the news about his friends.

Selfishly, you’ve daydreamed about his kiss from the other day, but now you can’t even bring yourself to smile about it giddily as you’ve been. Until Jimin, Monnie and Jeongguk are okay, you aren’t going to feel okay.

Inwardly, you hope everything works out for the two of them. They are beautiful souls made just for each other; and whatever is going on, you hope it doesn’t last forever. Staring at the sky, Jeongguk and you don’t speak, just sit comfortably in the silence. You can’t help but shove the fear aside- the fear of losing him. The past few months have been nothing, but you and him: becoming closer, encouraging each other, dreaming of your futures as well as the mutual excitement of hopefully attending the same college, dancing together, singing at the top of your lungs purposely missing notes, meeting at your favorite spot on the bleachers (your everyday routine) until your dad picks you up; it has been the most magical few months you’ll forever be thankful for. You just can’t imagine the two of you ever losing touch, and you don’t want to.

Still cuddled up on his shoulder, you look down to see how near his hand is to yours. The back of his hand is so close that the desire to intertwine your fingers with his is hard to ignore. Swallowing, the nerves build within you, contemplating on if you should just do it and see what happens, or not do it for the fear of rejection. The second you slightly move your hand even closer to his, your phone buzzes.

Jeongguk lifts his head in response, unaware of your almost gesture, and looks toward your phone. “Is that your dad?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, not in frustration, but more of disappointment only because you’re not ready to leave Jeongguk. Meeting his eyes, he gives you a silly grin.

“Well, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll update you if Jimin tells me what’s up.” Jeongguk stands along with you as you turn to stuff your notes in your bag. “In the meantime, I think I’m going to go kick some ball with Kevin and his friend Shownu. Namjoon and Hoseok may be joining, too.” As soon as you zip your bag up and sling it over your shoulder, Jeongguk wraps you in his arms. It is a tradition, you have noticed, that you both do before you leave to meet with your dad.

“I hope you have fun,” your voice is soft, savoring every second of his embrace. You get one more squeeze, nodding once when you both pull away. “Wait!” You spew the moment Jeongguk starts to turn on a heel. If you can’t hold his hand yet, then you will return his gesture from what feels like forever ago. A gesture the pair of you haven’t talked about… yet. On your tiptoes, your palms greet his shoulders, and you plant the sweetest kiss you can on his cheek. He is just as stunned as you are, but you do not give him time to react.

You jog up the bleachers toward the direction of your dad’s parked car. The ride home goes by fast because your mind is on full blast. Dad and you make small talk, but you don’t remember it because all you can think about is how soft Jeongguk’s skin felt against your lips.

As soon as the car parks in the driveway, you immediately run to the mailbox trying to force a distraction. Because did Jeongguk like it? Will he think you’re crazy? He kissed you so why couldn’t you kiss him back? Is he going to act weird about it tomorrow? Will he say anything?

You dissipate the thoughts by roughly shaking your head and return to the squeaky sound of the lid to the mailbox opening. Ever since applying to Konkuk, it’s been your number one priority to check the mail after school each afternoon. With already anxious fingers, you peek inside the dim, small space. A large, white letter outstands the rest of what you assume is junk mail and the panicky jitters swarm in your stomach.

Reaching for the largest letter, you see your name in bold letters, a smile forming on your lips as excitement fills you. Running your eyes to the corner of the letter, there in the most beautifully typed font reads:

Konkuk University.

When school starts the following morning, you’re all smiles as you tuck the unopened letter in one of your folders and settle it into your backpack. If there’s anyone in the world you want to open this letter with, it’s Jeon Jeongguk. Sitting in the first few classes nearly drives you mad as the nerves build with every second. Not just nerves involving whether you have been accepted into your dream college or not, but nerves from the kisses. They weren’t on the lips, but kissing someone’s cheek is just as much of a big deal, right?

You carefully scan the crowded hallways between each class period, trying to stay alert for any signs of Jimin or Monnie. You texted Monnie last night to check up on her, but she was very concise with her reply, and you knew it was best to let her be until she feels better. Whatever is going on is her business and you never want to pry.

LenLen was also the next person you texted, letting her know you received your letter from Konkuk. She showed her excitement with all caps and exclamation points leaving you a wide smile before you fell asleep. Despite the college excitement, you also scribbled in your journal about the events with Jeongguk because you wanted to remember that moment for eternity.

Now, nearing the end of the school day, the sun is shining high in the sky as you cling onto the strap of your backpack that seems to live on your shoulder. Heading in the direction of the bleachers to the soccer field, you hear the familiar joyful voice of Jeongguk.

“Y/N! Y/N!” He shouts, and before you can fully turn around, he lifts you in the air and twirls you around in his embrace. You laugh hysterically, watching as he does a little ditty, shuffling his feet in one of his infamous robotic dance moves after setting you down. As soon as he finishes, he rests his hands on your shoulders. “I got accepted! Konkuk accepted me! I am going to Konkuk University!”

“Oh, Guk!” You shout gleefully, crashing into his arms again while he sways you. “I am so proud of you!”

“Did you get your letter?” He gleams, pulling away from the hug, his hands now lingering on your elbows.

Nervously nodding whilst biting your bottom lip, you turn to unzip your bag, pulling out the folder you kept the letter in. “I haven’t opened it, yet.” You admit. A blush creeps on your cheeks. Confusion clouds Jeongguk’s eyes as he looks at you.

“Oh?”

“I wanted you with me.” Holding his eyes, his lips part then relax into a timid grin. With shaky fingers, you thumb at the flap of the envelope, carefully opening it. Your heart pounds loudly as you gulp. Once you free the letter from its thin package, you unfold it slowly, bringing it to your line of vision.

Taking a moment to find the sentence you need to read, your shoulders go rigid, your fingertips are suddenly ice cold as the whole world around you stops. Tears brim in your eyes, as your heart falls to the ground in shattered glass pieces.

To: [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N],

Thank you for your application into our Acting and Arts program as we are very honored for your consideration of us to pursue your educational career path. We are very sorry and regretful to say that we are not able to accept your admission to Konkuk University at this time…

The words blur before you. Your mouth hangs open, but no words are coming out. Every hope and dream you had for attending Konkuk has disappeared along with the excitement you had been feeling since applying. The emptiness in your chest is smothering you, and the worst part is…

“Y/N?” Jeongguk steps forward, worry all over his face as his gentle voice brings you back to the present. Realizing you haven’t said a word, your eyes shoot to meet his.

The even worse of the worst part is, the one person who has finally entered your life; the one person who you dreamed of being by your side through college and hopefully further in life; the one person who you’ve been inseparable with for a short span of time, will be far away. Konkuk is about five hours away from your town, and just the thought of hardly getting to see Jeongguk destroys you.

Tears spill onto your cheeks. You have no words. Bringing a shaky hand to your face, you run. The letter sways in the wind behind you as you choke back a fit of sobs. Guk’s voice calls your name, but it fades in the distance. You run elsewhere. Anywhere that is not you and Jeongguk’s favorite spot; any place where you will not be found.

At least, not until your father picks you up from school.

Devastation overwhelms you as the tears continuously soak your cheeks. All your hopes were set on Konkuk University. And, for the first time in a long time,

you feel stuck.

The covers of your bed have never felt so welcoming as you cuddle further under the comforter. The empty feeling in your chest is prominent as you try to shove the earlier humiliation from your mind. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, heavy footsteps catch your attention.

“Hey…” The deep voice of your dad sounds as he cracks the door open. With red, puffy eyes, you look at him, his sad face showing pity. “Mom and I are heading out to visit your grandma.” It looks as if he wants to invite you to come but knowing the information you received today along with your sloppy appearance, he decides against it. “Just wanted you to know that your mom and I are proud of you. Always. Don’t let this end your hope.” Blinking back tears, you force a grin at your dad’s words. “There’s always an answer. Konkuk just happened to not be it.”

Nodding, a tear slides down your cheek while your dad continues. “Don’t give up, y/n. We believe in you.”

Thanking him hoarsely, your dad gives a nod, closing the door behind him. Minutes drag, and you decide to brush your teeth to rid of the sour taste in your mouth and prepare for bed early. Maybe sleeping will help you escape this misery for a while. Once you’re freshened up, you throw on a pair of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt refusing to look in the mirror at your appearance and trying to enjoy the freedom of not wearing a bra. As you make your way to your bed again, you lift the blankets when the sound of the doorbell makes you jump.

Heart thudding lightly, your eyebrows furrow, sniffing back the excess mucus clogging your nose. Your parents haven’t been gone that long and if they had forgotten something, they would have texted you first. Making your way to the door, you open it. Your eyes enlarge in astonishment when you see Jeon Jeongguk, lips parted, staring into your eyes. Embarrassment flushes through you as your cheeks and chest burn. You know you look awful. You also know that you feel awful. Not a good combination, you scold yourself.

“Hello...” He murmurs. His hands bury in the pockets of his blue and yellow jacket. “Can I come in?” He asks after sixty seconds of silence. Speechless, you nod with a forced grin. Jeongguk steps through the front door then you close it behind him. It’s not the first time he has been to your house; he’s been countless times for homework purposes and drama club practices. You just didn’t expect him at your doorstep at this moment right now. You never dreamed he would show up to see you unexpectedly like a movie.

The two of you hold eyes, regret pooling in your heart. Jeongguk’s arms loosen to then step forward, pulling you into a tight hug. Your body trembles against him from the tears brimming in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper. You are not only sad about not being accepted by your dream college, but you are in pure devastation at the thought of losing Jeongguk. The man you have been longing for since you were eight years old. Why is it that when he is finally in your life, a part of your world, that life wants to strip him away from you again?

“No, no…” He says tenderly, his chest so warm pressed against your cheek. “Please don’t be sorry.”

“I just… I just didn’t know what to do.” You sob. Once you both pull away after your minutes of crying subsides, Jeongguk follows you into your room. The both of you sit on your bed, and his knee brushes your thigh as you two shift comfortably facing each other. Silence drowns the room, but only for a few minutes before you speak. “I’m so happy for you.”

Jeongguk glimpses at you from his twiddling hands, his pink lips form into a sweet grin. He looks as if there’s something he wants to say, but decides against it, returning his eyes downward, his fingers move to play with a piece of lint he finds on the comforter.

Awkwardly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and sniff, the emptiness you feel not doing any better. You feel horrible for running off like that; you really are happy for Jeongguk, and you hope he knows that despite your devastation of being rejected by Konkuk. Deep down, you know he’s not angry with you for feeling this way, so why you are overthinking it you don’t know.

“Come here…” He says warmly. Looking up at him in surprise, he moves forward, embracing you once again to you resting into the side of his neck. His warm skin sends those familiar shivers all through your body. How can someone captivate you this much without even knowing it? Without thinking, you whisper.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Your voice breaks as your chin trembles. “So, so much.”

He moves just enough to meet your eyes again, and his face is so close that you can feel his breath against your chin. Your eyes notice when his lips part, both of you staring without making one sound. You have never been kissed on the lips before, and never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined it to be with Jeon Jeongguk. Butterflies grip you internally as the tip of his nose brushes the side of yours, his eyes closing as you hold your breath.

As smooth as the touch of a flower petal, Jeongguk’s lips press to yours ever so warm and ever so soft making your head spin sporadically. The two of you pull away but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, as if he’s asking permission to kiss you again. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He smiles so wide; you can hardly conceal the excitement bursting all over your heart that is mending because of him and those words.

The infamous pound of your heart awakes in your temples the second Jeongguk kisses you again. His thumbs stroke your cheeks as your hands grasp his forearms following his lead. As your lips move together, you feel yourself laying back onto the numerous pillows against the bed frame. His body aligns with yours, the material of his jeans thick against your yoga pants. There are no words to describe the happiness igniting within you as you get lost in the feel of his kiss, the way his hair feels between your fingers, the tip of his tongue circling yours, and the way your legs tangle together. This day might have started off in the most horrible way, but Jeongguk knew exactly how to mold that misery into a bliss you never thought you would ever experience.

There are just no words.

His eyes meet yours once more as a beautiful smile spreads upon his face. “I’m going to miss you more.” And with that, he kisses you repeatedly, and you never want this night to end.

Never in a million years.

{18}

The clinking sounds of silverware interspersed with the numerous conversations populate the atmosphere as you rush from table to table refilling drinks or taking orders. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand after being here all day, but you manage to give polite smiles despite the stress of the crowd growing. It’s been several months post high school graduation since you started your full-time job here waitressing, saving up money until you find the right college for you.

Swiftly, wiping your sweaty palms along your apron, you take a quick break to check your phone.

When you have yet to receive a message from Jeongguk, you feel your heart drop in disappointment. Jeongguk left for college a month ago at the end of summer, and though you know his schedule is continuously busy, it’s like him and you have barely been able to speak a word since the two of you said goodbye. Fighting the urge to cry, you set your phone back in your locker and sprint to see if any of your customers’ food is ready.

The job continues to keep your mind busy enough to dismiss the sadness from checking your phone a bit ago, but not busy enough from the memories of your friends. You’ve never missed your friends so much; almost seeing them every single day to never seeing them at all took a toll on you, especially when Jeongguk left.

The final days of your senior year were eventful other than the suffocating exams that consumed everyone’s time studying. LenLen and Jeongguk were the only two who kept you sane through the horrendous time; and now, after finishing the final exam, you make your way toward the front doors of the school, stopping dead in your tracks. Jimin and Monnie are standing a good distance apart; Monnie hugging a binder to her chest, her stiff shoulders apparent as her and Jimin never break eye contact.

“Hey, y/n.” Guk’s voice echoes. When you turn to him with nervous eyes, he looks out the glass doors to realize why you’re silent.

“Oh, shit.” He whispers, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a corner to where you both couldn’t be seen easily. Heart-shattering, you watch as Monnie mouths something to Jimin, even from where you’re standing, you can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. Jimin looks down for a moment, returning his eyes to her, mouthing something in her direction as well. As if the moment was lost, Monnie rushes to a car that pulls up, and you assume it’s one of her parents coming to pick her up.

A memory floods your mind from the previous week, when Monnie, with sad eyes, told you the news that nearly broke you.

“I’m moving back home.” She whispered. Shock overwhelmed you at her statement, being her home is basically a plane trip away.

“What?” Stunned, a tear spilled onto your cheek. “Monnie, no-” you remembered the night the spring musical ended, Monnie left immediately afterward without a word to anyone. Jimin, depression evident in his countenance, leaned on Jeongguk for strength as the mystery of Jimin and Monnie remained. They never told anyone what happened, and if they had it was very vague.

“I know.” She said, looking down to avoid you seeing her cry. Enveloping her in a tight hug, you held her close as she broke into silent sobs, and you refused to let her go until she was ready.

A warm hand intertwined with yours, the memory slips away as you watch Jimin disappear around the corner of the school.

“Do you think it’s because she’s moving?” You murmur. Meeting Guk’s eyes, the both of you share a knowing look of worry, wishing there was something you could do to reunite the couple you two weren’t sure you would ever see again.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” He says softly, wrapping his arm around your waist for comfort.

The memory fades into the evening along with your will to smile. Thankfully, the second closing comes around, you quickly help wipe down tables, tidy up the chairs, and wash dishes before you gather your purse and phone. Refusing to look at your phone screen, you wait for the arrival of your mother to pick you up, wishing you were brave enough to get your license. Although, as soon as you settle in the passenger side, your mom and you make small talk until you both make it to the house.

Running to shower, afterwards, you freshen up with a pair of clean pajamas, soon settling into your room for the evening. Your legs are sore from standing all day. As if on an impulse, your fingers tap along the phone screen and before you know it, you’re dialing Jeongguk’s number. After the long day you’ve had, your heart yearns to hear his sweet laugh, hoping maybe it can bring some healing before you fall asleep for the night.

Chewing on your fingernails, the anxiety rising beneath your chest surprises you. Why are you so nervous? It’s not like you and him are strangers. Before you can scold yourself any further, the sound of his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Hey.” Jeongguk’s voice sounds frantic once he answers on the fourth or fifth ring. Taking note of his heavy breathing, you wonder if he just came back from dance practice, or maybe he went for a jog.

“Hey.” A grin fills your face just at the relief of finally hearing him after what felt like so long. It has been a while since you and Jeongguk have spoken over the phone, and it’s hard ignoring how much you have missed him since his leaving for Konkuk.

“Hey, y/n, I’m so sorry but I can’t talk right now.”

A strange feeling overwhelms you as disappointment knocks on your heart. “Guk, is everything okay? I just feel like we haven’t talked in so long and it’s starting to worry me. I just, I-”

“I know, and really I’m so sorry, I promise I will explain everything later but right now, Jin and I are rushing to the hospital-”

“Wha-?” Shock engulfs you, and you can feel your voice thicken with fear.

“One of our friends just got in an accident.”

Your heart had stopped at his words and your whole body went numb. It’s been a few days, and still Jeongguk’s words have echoed in your mind continually. Swiftly, you asked Jeongguk to update you on everything before the two of you hung up. Of course, he promised, but even now, still waiting, you have yet to hear from him.

Sighing in utter frustration, mostly to yourself for being so selfish, you collapse onto your parade of pillows, pulling up your Facebook app. Just the thought of someone getting hurt tore you up completely. It’s one of those situations where you wish with all your heart and soul that you could help and save somebody from their storms. Then during the healing process, prove to them that they are not alone, and that you will do everything in your power to help them find an escape from their torments.

Turning on your side, you try to ignore the uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach. You wish misery wasn’t a thing; especially right now, with worry racking your whole brain with everything being unknown. You have no idea if Jeongguk’s friend is okay, and you also don’t know if Jeongguk and his friend Jin are okay, and overall, you think that’s what’s driving you insane the most. How can you be okay if you have no idea if anyone you know is alright?

Scrolling through your Facebook timeline, you try to distract yourself from the inner turmoil of fear threatening to consume you. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, what catches your eye next causes you to sit up. In the picture sits a group of people, all tagged from what looks to be a middle-aged woman who you assume is somebody’s mother, and as your eyes linger over their faces, you pause at the young girl who is smiling contently with Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Blinking back tears, you take in his dimpled grin expression, the one you had fallen in love with over and over again; realization plagues you and now everything makes sense as to why you haven’t heard from him as much. Clicking off Facebook, you decide to deactivate your account as well as the many other social media accounts you have that Jeongguk follows. You don’t even hesitate to block his number. Jeongguk has moved on, and even though you don’t want to accept it, you must. Slinging your phone toward the end of the bed, you bury your face into the comforter letting the thick material muffle the wails as warm tears stream down your face.

{22}

Do people truly move on from a broken heart? Or do they suppress the situation so far in the back of their mind that they eventually numb themselves from the pain of the devastation? Either one could be you, but you haven’t given it much thought in four long years. More like forced yourself not to think about it.

Twirling the cold beverage in your hand, the evident taste of beer pools on your tongue once you take a slow sip. You do not necessarily care for alcoholic beverages, but this brewery in downtown has been a nice place to frequent on lonely Friday nights. A few stragglers take a seat at the bar while the bar tenders’ breeze back and forth to prepare the orders.

You never went to college. Almost did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time. However, you found a job opportunity to become a prop organizer for sets. Did you go for it? You did, training under a family friend, but held the bitterness of not attending your dream college, so you decided to work on multiple television sets for a couple years until you changed career paths. Instead, you applied for a banking job. You have your own desk at least and a set schedule. You also always have weekends off and the pay is somewhat decent.

Are you happy at the job? Not really but are you content with the job? To an extent. LenLen shoots a brief text with a picture of a meme that makes you smirk to yourself. You are grateful that you have maintained a wonderful friendship with this angelic human being. If it wasn’t for her then you would have never gotten over… Him. But as one may question, have you really gotten over him? You have made it clear to your parents, you didn’t move on because you wanted to, it’s because you had to. He found someone else. You finally accepted that you merely weren’t enough for him. LenLen argues that you should have communicated with him to be sure, but you disagree.

Regardless, you refuse to say his name, or create any social media that puts you at risk from seeing something that will rehash the day you discovered he had someone else. The only human being you have kept up with is Monnie from her movie premieres. She has become a highly known actress since you last saw her in high school- a super successful actress in her career. Subconsciously, you wonder if Monnie was ever able to rekindle her relationship with Jimin now that they are adults, but for now, you cheer Monnie on from the sidelines. She deserves her fame, and you will forever be so proud of her.

LenLen still harps about how cool it is that the pair of you attended school with a celebrity. And you definitely agree. You also hope Monnie’s heart has been mended the way you wish yours would. What is it about losing someone special that can take away so much of you? Sometimes you regret letting the initial pain from four years ago haunt you still. Why can’t you just forget about him entirely?

Your stomach gurgles momentarily to remind you that you need to eat something before you get buzzed. Unfortunately, you aren’t a fan of the food at the brewery, so you plan to run by a drive thru when you decide to head home.

The slide of a full glass of beer captures your attention when the lean fit frame of an individual carefully takes a seat beside you. Do you turn to look? Is it appropriate to stare? Your shoulders tense especially when you smell the crisp scent of cologne. You could smack yourself too because it smells delightful.

You’ve dated here and there, but they were never good enough. LenLen blames it on your past heartbreak, but you assure her that is not the case. At least, you wish it wasn’t the case but here you are. Whoever this person is, smoothly leaning on his elbow to face you, is entering dangerous territory if he is going to smell this enticing.

“Waiting on anyone?” His voice is like velvet when he speaks, and you shift in the stool to eye him curiously. Your heart skips a sudden beat, and you have to fight every fiber of your being to put on your best acting skills.

Black strands are tousled though few are wisping at the corners of his brown irises. An amused gaze stays in his expression and along the smooth, pale skin of his face tilts a gentle smirk with pink lips. He is the most beautiful, exquisite man you have seen in a while. And he chose to plant his rump next to you. Great.

“I’m not.” You timidly bite your bottom lip because what else are you supposed to do? You already want to hide from the heated blush running along your chest, but you remain rooted in your seat.

Relief shows in the form of his dropping shoulders as he breathes a swift sigh. “Good because I’m not as tough as I was trying to look.”

“Nonsense!” You giggle profusely, seeing the way his smile grows into one of comfort.

“No, really. I’m not one to fight, but I was going to throw some hands at any man if it means at least getting your name. Taehyung,” his smile stays intact as he offers his hand. Feeling the warmth of his palm, you are embarrassed when you notice yours is clammy, but Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind.

“Y/N,” you say softly, having a hard time taking your eyes off him.

He seems as though he wants to say something, but he’s so entranced by you that he clears his throat awkwardly instead. “What brings you here alone on a Friday night?” Taehyung takes a sip of his beer.

Shrugging your shoulders, you realize your hand is tightly gripping your glass from the nerves. “Honestly… I don’t know. It’s just a place for me to escape to for a while.”

“Do you… Give me permission to join you? Sometimes escaping is fun if you have a partner in crime.” Hope resonates in his eyes at the question and there’s something about him that you can’t shake. Is this a coincidence? Or is this fate? Will he be the one to mend your heart into what it should be? You aren’t sure, but you will gladly find out.

“Of course,” you smile, and that became the beginning of a new love story. Or so you hope.

{23}

The time we all have been waiting for

One year ago, you met your boyfriend, Taehyung, and one year ago is when you experienced a high you have missed. He was your first everything aside from kissing, and once intimacy became comfortable, it then became addicting. You did learn after a month of courting, that Taehyung had gone through a horrible break up leading to the night you both first met. As much as you would love to admit that you relate to him, you don’t. You want to keep your former love buried deep in the crevices of your mind, so your heart can breathe.

What really piqued your interest in Taehyung was discovering he is a cameraman for movies galore. How crazy is that? You have always wanted a career related to film and acting and here you are dating a cameraman. A successful one at that. His father happens to be a well-known director so part of that has contributed to his career, but you have enjoyed the sets you secretly have gotten to visit whether the movie makes it to the big screen or not.

There’s just… something missing. You cannot seem to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s missing. But something just isn’t there. The guilt eats you alive somedays, but Taehyung has been a dedicated lover and friend, so why ruin what is a decent relationship?

“I’ll be back tomorrow, and by then, I should have more information on where my next job is located.” Taehyung reaches to hold you then plants a soft kiss to your lips. “Behave.”

Snickering, you shove him. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck something up. The cookie jar was just meant to fall off the counter.”

“Pushed.” He corrects.

“Accidentally.”

Taehyung shakes his head teasingly at you while his fingers move to grip your hips. “I want everything intact when I get back, okay?”

“Roger that.” You nod once, letting the next kiss linger. The tip of his tongue greets yours which prompts you to moan.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“I’ll miss you, too. Let me know when you land.”

You hate the loneliness you feel when Taehyung leaves to travel to his job locations. But you know he must. The pair of you moved in together four months after dating which you know is a bit fast, but he had been so good to you that you couldn’t help but rush it. It’s as if you were chasing a spark, you hoped would remain, but never truly found it. But nobody has to know that but you. You always liked his company because he always stayed so peaceful. You assume that his presence not being in the house makes you feel you might succumb into the sadness you experienced so long ago.

The second Taehyung calls the next morning, you can’t believe the exhilarating news he shares. “Do you remember the girl you went to school with that became an actress?”

Your breathing hitches. “Monnie?”

“That’s the one!” Taehyung beams to the point that you can tell he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “She’s starring in the movie I was hired to help film!”

“Are you serious!? Goodness, it’s been years since I’ve seen her!”

“Well about that...” Taehyung hints, and you steady your excitement.

“Yes? Come on, spit it out!”

“So, they’re doing a table reading of the script while the rest of us crew prepares the sets. And I may or may not have bought you a plane ticket, so you and her can catch up.”

“No way!” You screech. “You mean it? I’m really going to see her!? Oh God, what if she doesn’t remember me?”

Taehyung’s laugh reverberates through the phone. “Of course, she remembers you, and she’d love to see you again. It was her idea to fly you out here!”

“Oh, you tell her thank you so much! …Am I on speaker?” You lower your voice.

“… No?”

“You’re going to get you some of that goody good the second the plane lands you best believe. I’ll even wear a thong.”

Taehyung’s chuckle darkens with lust. “I’ll be ready. I love you.”

“Love you.” You nearly scream, jumping on your bed in happiness. You get to reconnect with an old friend, and maybe being with Taehyung for a bit will strengthen the hope that there shouldn’t be any doubt about this relationship. Scurrying to your closet, you throw all your clothes down to figure out what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to pack.

If only you knew who else was going to be there the moment you arrive.

You’re exhausted by the time the flight ends, but you happily greet your boyfriend who smiles widely at your presence. “There you are.” He coos, pinching your chin before planting a sweet kiss.

“I need some caffeine.” You say, kissing him one more time. “Has the table reading started?”

“It has, but as long as traffic is fine, we may make it on time.”

Throwing your duffel in the back of the rental car, you shuffle to the passenger side letting Taehyung rest his large hand on your thigh. Why aren’t you as excited to see him as you hoped you would be? In all honesty, you’re more excited to see Monnie more than your own boyfriend.

“Hopefully me and Monnie can reschedule if we end up late.” You are disappointed, but it is also not your fault that your flight was delayed by two hours. Taehyung squeezes your thigh while your eyes gaze at the scenery passing by. Taehyung offers to grab you a coffee, but you decline in hopes it will get you to Monnie faster.

Once the car is parked, you, hand in hand with Taehyung, enter the facility and you halt unintentionally when you see a frantic Park Jimin running after who you see to be Monnie who is keeping her gaze downward. Your eyes widen in elation. Have they been in contact this whole time? Then… Why do they look so worried?

You squeeze Taehyung’s hand and whisper, him leaning closer so he can hear you. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re rescheduling.” Taehyung sees the scene as the couple in the distance disappear around a corner and he mouths an ‘Oh.’

“I’ll show you around, then.” He clears his throat, and he unintentionally drops your hand when the pair of you round a corner into where a large table with numerous chairs sits. Few sparse, bundles of people are sharing conversation that echoes throughout the building and when someone starts greeting Taehyung, your eyes scan the room until they stop on an individual whose coffee cup drops right out of his hand in pure, debilitating astonishment.

His shoulders shudder in embarrassment, but your heart is racing so fast, you are not sure if you are breathing. How is this possible? How is this real? Someone with blue hair beside him rushes to clean the mess, but you can’t run because your boyfriend is only a few inches from you, yet you back away slowly to try and calm yourself. You feel lightheaded as if you are in a torturous dream, especially when you catch his eyes again that are equally enlarged with disbelief.

“J- Jeongguk?”

7 years earlier…

Jeongguk smiles triumphantly at the director of the college who unfortunately sent your letter of acceptance to the wrong individual who happened to share the same name as you. Jeongguk couldn’t be more thankful to solve this mistake, and to celebrate, he has been working two part time jobs on top of juggling his college classes to save up money to purchase a necklace he has been dying to get you since he moved to Konkuk University.

He knew something wasn’t right that you didn’t get accepted into Konkuk when your grades should have reflected how hard working of a student you are. Secretly, he made it a pact to get to the bottom of it, and now that he has, he cannot wait to share this news with you. You can either start classes this coming spring or start completely the following year and Jeongguk will remain by you every waking moment. Even if it’s mostly over phone for now.

He misses you more than words can say, and the exhaustion that plagues him continually is no help on the nights he’d rather stay up talking to you. He does feel guilty on the other hand that he hardly has been able to text much due to his doting schedule. Seokjin, a friend he gained, who has been a much better colleague than Kevin, greets him at the library where they plan to study.

Jeongguk has made acquaintances too, one being a guy with blue hair named Yoongi and the other being a girl named Sun Hee who Jeongguk believes is Yoongi’s girlfriend from the way they interact. What Jeongguk didn’t expect after gradually introducing the small group in his life is the accident that ensues that leaves Yoongi injured and in the hospital.

Of course, you had called right when he finds out the terrifying news that leaves him and a frantic Seokjin scurrying to the car to make it to the hospital. He plans to call you to tell you everything at some point but as the days continue, the nerves involving Yoongi get worse and Jeongguk can hardly focus on anything else but his friend. If anything, he wishes he has you to hold, but he knows it would be impossible for you to make it the five hours to him when you don’t have your license yet. Nor does he want to interrupt your job. Or, upset your dad.

Many students who either have classes with Yoongi, family, or friends of Yoongi’s visit him as he recovers which thankfully has been good news. At one point, Jeongguk walks over to comfort Sun Hee who is still trying to get past the emotional distress of it all, so he wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder before Yoongi’s mom proudly asks everyone to take a picture. Yoongi’s mom wants her son to remember the endless support he has no matter what and Jeongguk grins as the camera flashes before him and Seokjin head back to the dorms to rest.

What Jeongguk doesn’t anticipate is the fact none of his messages deliver when he goes to text you. Heart pounding anxiously, he attempts to call but nothing goes through. But… Why? Of course, he goes to check social media to see you are nowhere to be found, and the confusion muddling his mind is no help. Did you block him?

Seokjin consoles Jeongguk while he scrambles around the room wondering what to do in order to think thoroughly about it all. Did you find someone else? Why did you cut him off? How is he going to tell you about the good news with Konkuk? Seokjin offers for Jeongguk to use his phone, but Jeongguk is scared you would mistake Jin’s number for a scam caller since you obviously do not have Seokjin’s phone number. The pain hovers in his chest while he fights the tears. Was it because he didn’t get a chance to talk to you much?

Jeongguk, months later, pays a visit to your home with hope to see you again, feel your embrace one more time, but is greeted by your dad who lets him know that you are working at a different location and isn’t sure when you will be back. Your father never told you because he knew exactly what you would do, so it’s a secret he keeps safe since he is the one who saw your heart shattered over the boy he is staring back at.

Jeongguk apologizes then visits his parents for a few more days before returning to Konkuk. At this point, the necklace dangles before him once he is in the security of his dorm and tears of guilt drip onto the bed covers. If only he knew how to find you again, he would do anything. For now, he will try and accept that maybe he wasn’t enough for you after all.

{23}

You kept him for years in your every thought, every word you wrote and every pound of your heart. Dancing eyes that glued to your soul the moment he kissed you, and touches as gentle as flower petals loomed all over your skin. His smile haunted you even in times that you begged for it not to and why you are saying this in all past tense is just you trying to hide the truth. He still does. He still resonates with you even as if he never tore your heart to shreds.

You haven’t seen him in almost seven years, yet his memory burns alive as if you physically relive the memories every day. As if his touch is as fresh as it had been the first time, he ever held you in his arms. Why must life be so cruel? To toy with you as if he is ultimately meant to be your forever just to take him away from you repeatedly.

You didn’t give him a chance the last time. You made the choice for him because he found someone else. Why couldn’t he just be yours? Why was he there when you least expected it? Now, every feeling you’ve tried to hide is igniting into the present.

You stand there frozen for a timeless eternity locking eyes with the one man you never thought you would see again. He is just as stunned. You can see it in his eyes and from the way his Adam’s apple bobs at the gulp he swallows. You can tell by the scripts on the table right in front of Jeongguk that he must be casted in this movie, and all you can think through your catapulting thoughts is that you would have found Jeongguk much earlier if you hadn’t run late to the table reading. After all this time, and from the memories of high school, it is clear Jeongguk has finally chosen to follow his dreams, and that, despite the turmoil hounding your chest, you feel a pang of warmth at the realization.

In your peripherals, you remember a very important detail suddenly. What about Taehyung? Instead of turning, your auditory senses pick up your boyfriend still having a conversation with who you assume is a coworker. He has no idea about the stare down going on behind him.

Now, you know why Monnie ran. She didn’t expect to see Jimin here either. Is this the place where love reconnects? Or was your original thought, correct? Is fate just messing with you? Why now? Why couldn’t you be single right now, so this guilt rising in your chest didn’t exist? Why should you feel guilty though? Nothing has happened other than the immense wave of emotions plaguing your entire system. Would that have something to do with it? Holy fuck.

You do not know how you survive the day avoiding Jeongguk the way you do, and Taehyung is starting to get worried about how frantic you appear as if you want to run. Safely getting to the hotel that evening, you don’t even remember how to do your typical evening routine. With how nauseous you feel, you nibble on your dinner trying to assure Taehyung that you are fine.

The second day at the set, Jeongguk could not take his eyes off you and Taehyung, though you do not know, happens to notice how often you and the red headed actor keep sneaking glimpses at each other. This day confirms your assumption that Jeongguk is indeed a part of this movie. You learn from the second table reading, where you get to briefly wave at Monnie when she arrives, that Jeongguk is casted as one out of the seven guys who are hopelessly in love with Monnie’s character.

At one point, Jimin happens to recognize you and sends you a wave as well. You can tell Monnie is also being observant by the way she scans the noticeably awkward way you refuse to interact with Jeongguk. Monnie is aware how close you and Jeongguk were in high school so how come neither of you are acting as if you once were friends?

“Are you okay?” Taehyung, all in his camera gear, leans in and whispers. You hum a ‘yes’ in response, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

The third day, you feel how tired you are from the lack of sleep due to not wanting to dream about Jeongguk while your boyfriend is sleeping right next to you, so you tossed and turned until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the stress of seeing Jeongguk is starting to take a toll and when arriving with Taehyung, at one point, you see Jeongguk standing off to the side while a few of the cast members are preparing to film a scene. You aren’t sure where Taehyung went off to, but you gaze at Jeongguk with the longing you wish would stop burdening you. You also wish you could tell Jeongguk how proud you are that he is finally choosing to follow his dreams because as you watch him observing the scene being played out, he looks so lovely that the sadness washing over you becomes intense.

Tattoos adorn his skin now which you find absolutely ravishing. The way he styles his hair is even different from how you remember, and that itching desire starts to build relentlessly. It is then that Jeongguk sees you. An overwhelming feeling that neither of you can explain becomes existent and he holds your eyes as if that’s the only constant keeping him at bay. You try to read his stare while he looks into your soul, yet your feet remain planted for the moment. There is no way that you are the only one who feels this connection. There is absolutely no way. So, why did he choose someone else all these years ago?

Something breaks the gaze because instead of putting on your best, inner actress, you flee to the nearest restroom. The nausea is intense- much more intense than you realize because you are throwing your hair back immediately in preparation for the retching. Nothing really comes up but some bile since you haven’t eaten yet, and now you are breathing steady to calm your nerves.

Sometimes an overwhelming amount of shock and anxiety can do this to you, so you aren’t surprised. You just are grateful that nobody else is occupying the restroom so that you can think. What in the bloody hell do you do? Do you approach him? Do you continue to ignore him? Do you tell Taehyung? The thoughts turn into pacing while you clench your stomach because what the hell are you supposed to do? Jeon Jeongguk is in the same vicinity as you and there is no one else you’d rather… confront for lack of a better term. But is it worth confronting him for all the pain he caused you what feels at this point like a lifetime ago?

Will he even remember? Will he understand why you blocked him from your life? He will just have to because he chose somebody else over you. Whereas you spent majority of your life putting him first. Is this why you feel betrayed deep down? You know ultimately you should have put yourself first which is what you learned before turning twenty-two and prior to meeting your boyfriend. Otherwise, Jeongguk was all that mattered to you.

And he still fucking does.

Gritting your teeth, you rummage through your purse for a small bottle of mouth wash that you keep for emergencies and swish it around your teeth and tongue. You rid of the foul taste and rinse with some water before taking a few deep breaths. You can do this, y/n. Just fake a smile and act as if you are going to be in this movie yourself.

Placing your hand on the bathroom door, you shove it slowly as if you are hiding from someone. Which technically you are but you get the picture. You investigate the hallways that echo a small number of footsteps, so you, in relief, step out into the unknown thinking all is safe. Standing, you can’t remember which direction you came from, so awkwardly you just continue to… Stand there. You decide to reach into your purse for your phone to text Taehyung, but fast steps dissipate your movement.

“Follow me.” A familiar voice halts your heart. He grasps your wrist before you can scream, but it’s not a firm grip, it’s a gentle hold and you jolt your stare to see a hazy view of red hair who leads you into a storage room set off to the side. You should stop him. You should shout. You should fight to call Taehyung. But you don’t. And repentantly- you don’t want to.

Jeongguk kicks the door closed behind him until your back shoves against a wall. Red strands hover over his determined eyes as he breathes heavy, now holding both of your wrists that he pins to the wall. You can’t even respond because your words die in your throat. This is the hottest fucking thing you have encountered, and you will keep that with you till the grave.

There are no words shared, just ajar mouths of panting, but he is so close that you feel his breath brushing your chin. Your body is begging for more of his touch at this point, but you do not move a muscle. It is then that you remember that you are supposed to be mad at him. Yet simultaneously you want to kiss him so bad. He can’t know this though. You have a boyfriend. You must think about Taehyung.

“Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth even though it destroys your heart piece by piece to even say it. Jeongguk hesitates, but calmly releases his fingers that curled around your wrists and steps back carefully. Your heart is betraying you because you would do anything just to make love with him right here and now, but it isn’t the right thing to do especially with how he broke your heart. And, for the sake of Taehyung’ heart.

Jeongguk turns just to rake thin hands through his hair before he runs a palm along his face. “I don’t know what came over me.”

You do. Because you feel the powerful truth resonating in this very room. You’re hurting over him and he is hurting over you. Neither of you truly know the reasons why.

What is mind blowing to you is how seven years flies by and it is like he was never a stranger. The emotions you’ve suppressed are waiting to burst at the seams as if they would even when he was still in your life. You do not know how this is possible. You know it’s crazy. You know nothing right now makes any sense and you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And, you know even if you were to have gone back to Taehyung, Jeongguk would have done exactly what he is doing now and that is confronting the reality that you both are here. In a place far away from your hometown, you both by some twisted form of fate end up in the same place at the same time. Of course, you are pondering the odds of this, of course you fucking are. All you know is you can’t let Jeongguk hurt you again. Plus, now you have Taehyung.

“I have to go.” You finally say in the deafening silence prompting Jeongguk to turn swiftly to face you where his widened eyes hold the same desperation that you feel. Yet, he is so beautiful. Fuck. Even to this day. He is exactly how you remember but grown out of the boyish charm from high school and into a man. Your heart is pounding through your temples while you take in his features. He’s just so beautiful.

“Please…” He murmurs, stepping forward as if being even closer to you can make all of this add up. “Before you go, just tell me why.”

His statement catches you off guard. Why? What does he mean why? He can see the disbelief written all over your expression which causes him to question inwardly. How does he have the nerve to question your reasons for cutting him off? He knows good and damn well why. He has to.

You feel unsteady briefly, but you are thankful to hear your phone buzzing within your purse which you figure must be Taehyung. Jeongguk understandably gives up accepting that you must have moved on just as you assumed he has.

Reaching for the doorknob with horribly shaky fingers, you pause for a moment collecting enough strength to end this strange yet alluring moment on good terms. “I’m proud of you.” You whisper, Jeongguk’s gaze burning innocently at the back of your head while his heart feels as though it is going to explode watching you leave. “You followed your dreams. There was never a reason for you to be ashamed… Goodbye.”

And with that, you exit the storage room, returning Taehyung’s call to ask him if he can take you to the hotel while you muster with all your strength not to erupt in a pool of endless tears.

A towel is wrapped around Taehyung’s waist as he ruffles his dampened hair. He has talked endlessly about his day (as he should) and the excitement he holds for the upcoming film. You, hair wrapped in a towel, rub on a face mask to cleanse your skin as you wearily stare at your reflection in the mirror. You try so hard to listen to every word your boyfriend says, but you can’t shake any thought of Jeon Jeongguk from your mind.

Vivid flashes of the way Jeongguk pinned you to that wall stirs an unwanted wave of desire through your frame and a reoccurring pain that seems to never find closure. If only he slid his teeth along your bottom lip while slipping his hands into your pants while you whimper his name… If only the emotions from the years of longing for his return continued in breathless kisses and gasping in response to the way his lips would trail your neck… Maybe you could ignore the myriad of questions that have plagued you profusely for all these damned years of wishing, and pleading, and fighting to understand why you can’t just let. Him. Go. It’s like, in a way, a spell has been cast on you whether it’s Jeongguk himself or something that is preventing, almost trying to keep the two of you from being together in the end. But, why?

Maybe the truth is right in front of you. Maybe you don’t want to let Jeongguk go.

Maybe you really just can’t.

Taehyung eventually moves to wrap his strong arms around you from behind while he places feather-like kisses along your neck. “So, I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

“I am.” You reply softly. His fingers then slide gently into your sweatpants where he finds your clit, rubbing nice and slow while he continues to place tepid kisses. You wish you were becoming aroused, but you can hardly concentrate on the way his lips press to your skin and his fingers slipping into you pumping gently while you squeeze your eyes shut. There are no goosebumps, no moaning, no excitement- just pure sadness.

Because you know deep down what the truth is, but you do not want to admit it. You know what’s missing in the relationship. Taehyung is not Jeongguk and he never will be. It’s the saddest simplicity of an answer. He is not Jeon Jeongguk.

“Hey…” Taehyung’s voice is soft, cautiously releasing his fingers from inside you, he then spins you around. Despite, the face mask covering your cheeks and forehead, Taehyung looks at you lovingly while he reads your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Hesitant, you reply anyway. “Nothing.”

Taehyung flashes a pointed look because he does not believe you whatsoever. “Are you jet lagged still? …Did I do something?”

“No! …No, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not trying to be gloomy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because you have seemed off since you’ve been here. Is it because you haven’t gotten to see Monnie much?”

“I mean yes, I do wish I could see her more, but we have plenty of time. Work allowed me a week off, so I’m not too worried about that.”

“Then what is it?”

Guilt pools in your eyes as you visibly see his concern, but what are you supposed to tell him? Okay, maybe the question doesn’t involve what, but how? “I… don’t know.”

You let him kiss you then even though the cream of the face mask gets all over his skin, too but it somehow makes you giggle. You wish you knew how to tell him, but it is way too soon. What happened earlier with Jeongguk was probably going to be a onetime thing. You keep replaying the whole scene with Jeongguk wishing there could have been a different outcome, but you can’t change the past. And you don’t want to hurt Taehyung who has been nothing but good to you.

Once you finish freshening up, you try having sex with Taehyung to rid of the pain inside your chest, but the remorse is so smothering you hardly can enjoy it. It’s not his fault at all so you give it what you got. Except this time, when you close your eyes, all you can see is Jeongguk’s face and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears.

It's not until the day before your flight that you finally meet with Monnie. Her management rented out a space in one of the fanciest restaurants to ensure privacy from the spotlight so the pair of you could catch up. She embraced you tightly while the scent of peonies greeted your nose. It’s amazing how much the two of you had to catch up on and the endless conversation is exactly what you needed. Sometimes a friendly face helps lighten the load for a little while.

As a surprise, you facetimed LenLen so Monnie could say hello which erupts into bouts of happy squeals from LenLen. Being with Monnie made you forget how famous she actually is, and you are so thankful that she always maintained her humility amongst the fame.

Neither of you mention Jimin or Jeongguk even though you wonder if the question crossed her mind at any point. You also wonder if she kept contact with Jeongguk or if Jimin did since all four of you happened to be in the same place in a different location way far away from the high school all of you attended together. It’s surreal, but maybe not bringing the subject up was a good thing.

Anxiously, you stop by Taehyung’s work to bring him lunch and to go over the time your flight departs tomorrow. Taehyung, who proclaims he has a surprise for you, says he ordered a limousine to pick you up for your ride to the airport. Speechless, you have never ridden in a limo before, and you cannot believe how thoughtful Taehyung has been all week which fuels the devastation when you notice Jeongguk standing adjacent from you. He’s gripping another coffee cup while he speaks with one of the producers.

Did he just hear every word you said? Did he hear that you are leaving to go back home tomorrow?

“I already told Stan where to pick you up.” Taehyung attempts to say but he notices your obvious distraction which has pretty much lasted the entire week you have been here.

“Wh-who? Whose Stan?”

“I just told you, silly, the limo… driver.” Taehyung follows your wavering gaze to see the dark haired actor glimpsing at you for the hundredth time. Is this why you have been acting so strange? Do you know this guy? Taehyung starts to question if you really were with Monnie when you said you were. Or the other times before when you claimed you needed a breather.

An uneasy feeling starts to bud in Taehyung’s chest. “Um…” He leans forward to get close to your ear. “Can we talk?” Taehyung lowkey has noticed the tension ever since the first day he brought you here whenever that actor was around, but thought he was going crazy. Taehyung is typically not the jealous type, but something seems off. Everywhere you were, it seemed this actor followed.

Disrupting your entrancement, you swallow the lump in your throat as your heartbeat spikes. Taehyung just walks swiftly around a corner and unbeknownst to you, Jeongguk has excused himself from the producer to hide away enough to make sure you’re okay. He feels awful to intrude, but he can’t help the strong emotions building within his heart and the indisputable closure he wishes you would give him. Because he never was able to get over you either.

Taehyung is restless as he tries to gather whatever words he can. “Look, if I sound crazy, I don’t care. Something isn’t right. And if I had to guess, it has to do with that actor you keep looking at. So, what is it? Do you know him?”

Your hands glue to your hips while you uneasily try to keep yourself standing from the uncomfortable blow to the chest. Shit. You want to scream. Taehyung caught you and now you don’t even know where to start. “I’m sorry.” You whisper which you are surprised sounds audible, but that’s all you can muster.

“Okay, so something did happen then?”

“No! Taehyung… No, it’s not what you think.” You try to breathe but feel like you can’t from how much your chest tightens.

“Okay well what am I supposed to think? Were you really with Monnie earlier?”

“Yes! Of course, I was!”

“So why are you so distant? If I did something wrong, then I need to know so I can fix it. I also can’t read your mind. Communication is what I need here, y/n.”

“I know this, Tae… I-”

“Okay, then explain. I’m doing all I can to prove to you that I love you. I just need some kind of answer. I’m starting to get really worried, and you know I’m not like this.”

Tears brim because you know deep down, he has done everything for you. You are in the wrong for this and you know it. You do love Taehyung. You really do, but the love for him will never be as strong as the love you had for Jeongguk. The love you know you will always have for Jeongguk. The silence hurts. The emptiness and sorrow you feel for Taehyung… Hurts so deeply.

“Tae…” The tears stream to drip from your cheeks. “I want you to know that I do love you and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me… I just, um…” You press your lips together to prevent your chin from quivering. You can’t even look your boyfriend in the eyes. You don’t even know how to answer him. How can you? If you were to tell him everything from the beginning to now, not only would it crush him, but would he truly understand where you are coming from?

“You’re not going to tell me are you.” It’s not a question. He says it sternly.

“I… I can’t.” You stifle a sob. “Tae, I’m so sorry. I just can’t right now.”

Angrily, and rightfully so, he glowers at you while his jaw clenches because after a year together, he does not understand how fast everything can change in the span of a week. And after a year, how can you not trust to tell him what is going on? He deserves to know, and you wish you could find the will to just tell him the whole story without holding back.

He is rigidly holding back tears because he is just as hurt, but he can’t bear the thought of you stepping out on him which is what he is starting to believe. Is he wrong to think that? He knows anger causes irrational thinking but right now, he wants space to clear his head. Even if it means being away from you.

“The hotel is yours tonight.”

“Tae-” You rush to step forward, but he holds a palm up to pause everything.

“The hotel is yours tonight. Stan will pick you up for your flight tomorrow… We’re done.” He shoves past you as you spin in panic to watch him leave, but you do not chase him. This is not how you wanted it to go. Not on bad terms, but you feel so devastated yet so relieved that Taehyung made this decision, yet you feel so helpless simultaneously.

The tears continue as you scramble to order someone to pick you up and if you regret one thing, it’s not telling Taehyung about your first love the first day you met him like you should have.

The guilt is eating you alive.

Your eyes are dry and puffy from the crying the night before, so to force some way to lift your spirits, you put on a faint amount of makeup and throw on a floral summer dress. What better way to cope with the heart ache by pretending there is no heart ache? You suck at that. It’s visible all over your frame that is weak and exhausted; your mind has done nothing but run vigorously on high speed since landing a week ago and you are not sure how you are functioning properly.

Once you have everything packed and prepared, you triple check the hotel room to ensure you haven’t left anything. The room felt desolate last night without Taehyung being beside you, but in a way, you appreciated being alone. Maybe it’s for the best that you never try to love anybody else because as long as Jung Jeongguk exists in your heart, there is no such thing as anybody else. How can someone have your heart this long and they were never really yours?

Rolling your suitcase behind you, the walk to the outside is brighter than you anticipate. The sun gleams high in the sky while people bustle from left to right to exit or enter the hotel building. It doesn’t take long for you to spot the limo slowly pulling up to the curb. An older man with gentle eyes greets you, introducing himself as Stan.

“Now I finally have a face to a name.” You smile sweetly as he takes your luggage to settle into the trunk. “Thank you.” You murmur. The moment you open the limo door, you duck to begin taking a seat, but something stops you in your tracks.

It’s the scene of glimmering shoes that tilts your head in confusion as you scan from the shoes all the way up the slim legs, to the loose-fitting shirt on a familiar frame to then locking eyes with the one person you never expected to see yet again.

“Jeongguk?” You croak with widened eyes. Did you say his name out loud? You have no idea. All you know is your heart is ear piercingly screaming and your fingertips have gone numb. His red hair is gelled back so you can easily see the enchanting curve of his jawline and the quirk of his lips smirking gently. You are in trouble. And you don’t care anymore. But your conscious tries to tell you the opposite.

“I um… Uh, I have to go-” You panic preparing to back away.

“Absolutely not.” Jeongguk grasps to pull you in, reaching around you to slam the limo door closed once your body plops onto the seat. When Stan hears the signal, he starts to drive away from the curb and your mind is dizzy with anxiety.

“Jeongguk.” You try to say sternly, but his name comes out in a whimper. You are trying with all your strength not to pass out.

“Y/N.” He speaks. His eyebrow cocking. You have remained leaned forward from how he pulled you in and his face is so close, you are doing everything you can to keep your heat from clenching simultaneously with the reaction of your body wanting to tremble.

“What the hell are you doing!? How the hell did you even know I would be here!?”

He shrugs. “A friend.”

“What friend-”

“Monnie. She’s known Stan for a while. So has Jin.”

“Well, Stan is about to be fired!” You try emphasizing the word loudly to kid with Stan even though you are lowkey dead serious. You should be grieving Taehyung, not letting the desire to tangle with Jeongguk be floating subconsciously in the back of a damn limousine. “If Taehyung finds out that you jacked the limo driver, he’ll be pissed. So, again, what the hell are you doing!?”

“I’ll answer your question once you answer mine.”

“Jeongguk, I’m not playing fucking games with you-”

“Neither am I.”

Eyeing him in exasperation, you shake your head to hopefully rid of the evident confusion. “You know what- we can’t do this. We can’t be alone.”

“And why not?”

“Because-” Because you just went through a breakup, damnit! Not that you are aware that he knows. But you are trying so hard not to cave into the longing to be with Jeongguk the way his eyes intensely look into yours.

After all this time, holding it in all these long, long years:

you explode.

“Because you are just so fucking ruthless, you know that!? I have had you in my fucking head since I was a child and there is no escape from you! No escape! Do you know how much it killed me to see you leave seven years ago? Do you know how fucking insane seeing you again is all these stupid ass years later? I have been losing my shit nonstop and for what!? Because you just think it’s so damn cute to occupy every fucking brain cell I have and tear me to shreds! Like, do you even fucking know the hell I’ve been through!? Seeing you with-”

Jeongguk kisses you suddenly stopping your words. This kiss is so desperate and rough yet, it’s so much softer than you would think since you were losing your absolute shit a minute ago, but his lips are as warm as you remember, and your body loosens as his hands cup your cheeks. Gasping into his kiss, the world spins so magically that you forget that you are heading to catch a flight home. You don’t want to stop. The way his mouth moves so good with yours. How are you going to pull away?

So, you don’t.

His fingertips slip to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while the love you buried revives into the atmosphere.

Because you are so in love with him, and you never once stopped.

Jeongguk’s other hand pats along the door refusing to break the kiss and your ears catch the sound of the partition lifting to separate the pair of you from the driver. Something about that whole gesture sends a gush from your heat, wetting your thong that you inwardly hope Jeongguk will see. It’s like you are in a dream. If ‘high school you’ knew that seven years from then that you would be making out with Jeon Jeongguk in a limousine, you would have never believed it. Instead of bottling everything up anymore, you are just going to let go. In this moment, you are with the one person you have always wanted: Jeon Jeongguk. So why fucking fight it? You are done fighting it.

You have made up your mind. You want to give him your all and you want to give it now. Conversation can be saved for later.

“Guk,” you gasp between his kisses. “Please… whatever you do. Don’t… Stop.”

It doesn’t take much until his hands move to grip your waist, positioning you in a straddle. Immediately, moaning loudly against his lips that have eagerly grown hungrier as you cling to him desperately. Humming into his kiss, the relief flooding your limbs eases the tension you have fought this entire week, and your hands slide to grasp the gelled strands of his hair in deprivation. His tongue dances with yours while he fumbles with where to place his hands next.

You moan when you feel his erection beneath your heat though clothes remain on; with the dress, you're wearing, the fabric is spread enough, you're able to feel the material of his slacks along your inner thighs. You unintentionally grind your hips, him doing the same, lips nearly bruised from sultry kisses he refuses to stop.

His palm slaps your ass to then squeezing so hard, you nearly melt into his frame, your teeth sliding along his bottom lip before sneaking the tip of your tongue along it to then snatching his lips once more.

Your fingers trace his jawline, a part of him that nearly makes you faint. Breaking the kiss, his breathing is heavy while your lips linger to trail his jaw, lightly sucking with each contact until you reach his ear. A soft laugh resonates into his eardrum, him groaning with immense desire in response. You can't help yourself especially with the fire dribbling from your heat. Your inner kinks start to arise.

"I don't know if you've ever been given a blowjob in a limo baby, but I’m not going to let you forget it.” You say it so erotically, Jeongguk is losing his mind. You're wild when it comes to sex, yet you’ve only ever had one sexual partner. With the way Jeongguk’s hazy, brown eyes watch your every move, you don't mind giving him the ride of his life. You are going to show him exactly what he has missed.

Squeezing his shoulders once, you move backward off his lap carefully despite the moving vehicle. You kneel on the floor, your antsy fingers unbuckle his belt, the jingle of the metal sending jolts of excitement throughout his limbs. The anticipation is nearly smothering, especially when you unbutton his pants to show his underwear, spreading the fabric to free his erection. The sight causes you to bite your lower lip instinctively.

"Oh baby." You nearly drool. His hands curl around your wrists before you lean in to cover his area with your mouth encasing every bit of his girth. He leans back in immense pleasure while you perform a long, intense suck before dipping your head up and down seductively. Hearing him moan fuels you to continue. Running your tongue over his tip, you let the taste of his precum lead you to yearn for more, pleasuring him so much he could release right then and there. You unlatch your wrist from one of his tightening hands, bringing it to his scrotum that is peeking through the opening of his underwear, massaging softly whilst sucking, his feet pressing harder at the floorboard from the paradise he's been wanting with you and only you.

When you see how much of an effect it has on Jeongguk, you continue your bliss, sucking and sucking until his hands grasp the sides of your ribcage causing you to gasp in surprise. Without a second to blink, your back is crashed against the seat cushion with Jeongguk hovering above you, strands of his hair glistening over his eyes, his chest heaving as his hands rest on either side of you. Your eyes are wide from the sudden action, but when he lowers to place his lips near your ear, a tingling sensation waves across your figure.

"I don't know if you've ever been fucked in a limo.” He growls. “But I'm gonna make sure you, my dear, will never forget it."

Oh. Fuck. His fingertips feel for your underwear that he slides down to your ankles. He doesn’t even take a second to admire what type of underwear it is before he comes back to kiss you.

You are so aroused that your vaginal walls are sopping wet before Jeongguk slams his erection into you. He drums so hard that you can't help the screams of pleasure that are gratefully unheard from the vibration of the speakers reverberating within the small space. This is when you realize music must have started playing to drown out the sounds Stan most likely does not want to hear.

Your hands clasp roughly to Jeongguk’s sides which regains your focus. He pounds so rhythmically with the bass of whatever song is playing, your g-spot is being stroked with each thrust. The growing climax sends your eyes rolling back. Jeongguk slows for a moment though and aligns his body with yours still keeping himself inside you. You watch him while your chest heaves.

He lifts a finger to trace along your cheek until he caresses your bottom lip with his thumb. You are uncertain why he has stopped, but you are thankful neither of you have cummed too soon because you are not ready for this to end. Even though it has to… Oh, shut the fuck up brain.

“You’re not going to the airport today.” His eyes shift from a lust to a softness that reminds you of when he first became your friend. You want to sit up in surprise, but you don’t because you like Jeongguk’s body being on top of you and his erection keeping its rightful place inside you.

“What do you mean? I’m supposed to leave today.”

“I… Have made other arrangements.”

“Did you cancel the flight!? How!?”

“Well, no… But I can reimburse you for the inconvenience of missing your flight.”

“Are you…” In honesty, you are not upset at all. Your heart is flying so high with relief, you could cry. A smirk graces your tingling lips. “Are you kidnapping me, Jeon Jeongguk?”

“Only if you let me,” he winks, pressing a slow kiss to your bruised lips. “Otherwise, the airport I will take you but only if you say so.”

“What about my job? I have to go back at some point.”

Sadness etches in the corner of his eyes while he exhales slowly. “How about we worry about that tomorrow? … I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You don’t either.

Your hand reaches to tangle in his hair while you pull him to kiss you. He starts thrusting again, but this time nice and slow while your tongue swirls with his. The two of you are so lost in intimacy that neither of you notices the pause of the limo and the dimming of the music. It's Jeongguk who jolts away immediately, stuffing his being back into his pants, scrabbling to buckle his belt before it dawns on you that the limo is no longer moving. Swiftly, you fix your dress, running your hands through your hair in panic, also hoping your makeup isn't smeared all over.

Your throbbing heat is relentless, and you squeeze your thighs to try and relieve some of the sensitivity, but it's no use. Once Stan opens the door, you and Jeongguk smile at him trying to hide the fact the two of you were literally having intercourse directly behind his back.

Stan squints his eyes in suspicion when he notices how embarrassed the two of you chuckle when leaving the limo, but he brushes it off, him tipping his hat for a farewell. You grasp Jeongguk’s hand while your other hand clings to your luggage. You do not know where you are, but you are assuming it’s where Jeongguk lives.

“My roomates are still shooting scenes for the movie we’re in, so we have this whole place to ourselves for the time being.” Jeongguk beams. Your feet move faster than they ever have as he follows suit to the front door. He chuckles at how cute your eagerness is because he is just as giddy, too. Being with you just comes so naturally even after all this time. The moment you reach the door, you spin around, dragging his mouth to yours.

Your back hits against the front door nearly bringing you to your knees while he follows your lead. You throw your arms around his neck as his hands press into your waist; the two of you rebuild the itching desire that had been interrupted. The pure addiction of Jeongguk’s lips on yours is everything you could have dreamed of, so you hate that you have to break the kiss just for him to unlock the door. Snatching his hand once more, you kick off your heels, him slipping out of his shoes while your luggage tips over somewhere near the door.

You follow him up the stairs until both of you are safe in his bedroom. He locks the door behind him once he turns on the lights, and that's when he tackles you lovingly once again, kissing your mouth roughly. Your hands pull off his shirt and in return, he unzips the back of your dress.

When your lacy undergarments taunt his enlarging eyes, you step away from your dress, giving him a seductive smile. Now he notices your thong. Sliding your fingers slowly to your entrance, you coat your digits with the wetness he's caused you, stepping forward to carefully smear it on his lips. His eyes close while his staggered breaths relish in your scent, urging to taste you, he clamps his warm mouth around your fingers, his teeth grazing your skin while he sucks.

"I want you, Jeongguk." You whisper. "I want you to never stop wanting me."

That's all it takes before he squats to wrap his arms underneath your ass, lifting you effortlessly in the air prompting a fit of giggles. He sprints to his bed and crashes you onto it. Once the bounce of your bodies settles, his hands desperately tear your thong from your frame as well as your lace bra, his mouth leaving tenderly placed kisses along your ribcage before your trembling hands move to rid of his pants. Unbuckling his belt, Jeongguk helps you free himself from his pants and underwear- every article of clothing between the both of you finally plopped on the ground.

Unexpectantly, he rolls you above him, pressing your bare chest against him, his teeth nipping your ear lobe before his breath haunts your ear in the sexiest, deep voice you've ever heard. "If I'm going to taste you properly, I want it all over my face."

Oh. Shit.

Jeongguk clings onto your hips once you get into position. You move with him until your folds are above his starving mouth. Now with his heated palms smoothed along your ass, you lower yourself just enough until you hear the sudden sound of his lips caressing along your heat bringing a moan to escape your throat. "Ohhh, baby." You breathe. His tongue circles your heat slowly before he roughly flicks it against you, delighting in your taste while your head thrusts back in ecstasy.

You've never had sex so good- especially with the way his tongue licks so effortlessly underneath your clenching vaginal walls. Your thighs quiver from how strong your climax is building. His lips cover your clit, sucking before returning his tongue to lick rapidly among your slit.

"Ohhh, Jeongguuk." You can hardly concentrate, him continuing his mission until you slide back, forcing him to raise, his bangs now clinging to his perspired forehead. His lips part just to land to kiss your chin where the scent from your folds is fresh on his lips.

He’s starving for you, and you learn right then that he wasn’t done. His hand finds your chest where he pushes you down until your back bounces on the mattress. His fingers find your nipples first where the ticklish feel from the rising buds causes the fire below to heighten. Whimpering in response to the pleasure, his mouth latches onto your nipple while his tongue dances along it.

You beg for him as he pleasures you. The intensity of how turned on you are is so heavenly, you could do this forever. He then kisses along your body until he stops at where he originally feasted and you can see the lust in his eyes before he dives in, lapping up every bit of you while he slides gentle fingertips to then vibrate along your clit. “Oh Guk! Oh baby- ah!” You moan feeling how strong your sense pleads to orgasm while your eyes roll back in ecstasy. His tongue is relentless while he licks along your heat.

When you think he’s done, he repositions to where you are sitting on his face again while his large hands cup your ass.

"Now." He says, his lips tickling your skin when you both find yourselves hazy and twisted together. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"

"I think I remember." You whisper musingly, him rolling you to crash under him- his penis finds your entrance before you can catch a breath, and that's when he starts. Pumping into your walls that are warm and drenched, your screams of delight ring throughout his room, letting Jeongguk enthrall every single one of your senses until your legs nearly give out. You moan his name. You moan profanities. You moan it fucking all. "Harder!" Your voice breaks. "Harder! Oh!"

Your climax hits you suddenly and strongly prompting you to squirt slightly which turns Jeongguk on even more than he already is. Your legs jolt beneath him while he spills inside you. You’re still screaming in pleasure from the high when he falls next to you, him leaking down your mid-thighs while you squeeze them for friction. Both of you hyperventilating, the sensitivity still presents between your legs while you two try to recover.

"Holy shit." You breathe. "Where the hell have you been again? Holy fuck."

A deep chuckle sounds from Jeongguk’s pearly smile, his eyes gleaming from the happiness he feels with you finally by his side. When his long fingers intertwine with yours, you furrow your eyebrows, shifting to rest on your side so that way you can see all of him easier.

Preparing to speak, his free hand reaches to tuck a strand of your fallen hair behind your ear rendering you speechless. Though you've kept your feelings private for so long, he's always made your heart palpitate; but, with everything that has happened, where do either of you start?

You lean your cheek into his palm where he rests it, him moving to sit up just enough to brush his lips to yours before pressing kisses on every inch of your face, his sudden passion surprising you, especially when he turns you to lay you back down just so he can lounge in your beauty from above.

“I like you naked.” He teases causing you to playfully scoff when you shove him. His chuckling smile kisses your smile while you enjoy the feel of his warm skin and the high of his presence. “I’ve missed you…” He whispers when the moment becomes serious which hitches your breathing.

Missing Jeongguk is an understatement. You’ve wished to see him again but never thought it would actually happen. You know you shouldn’t ask this, but it has tormented you since he left that you can’t help it. Hearing those words from him should have made your heart swell, but then the picture that changed everything years ago seems to be in the forefront of your mind now. “Then… why did you choose her?”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows scrunch as his lips pucker. The confusion is so apparent that you start to feel the budding sense of humiliation. He met a girl at Konkuk, right? The picture showed it all… Right?

“I mean I dated here and there later on in college, but I had to get over losing you.”

You shift to sit up as Jeongguk’s body rolls off you. What does he mean?

“But you wouldn’t have lost me if you hadn’t chosen to be with her. I mean, c’mon, Guk you hardly talked to me once you left. I spent countless nights wondering what I had done wrong! I knew you’d be busy, but I never thought, nor did I want to believe it’s because you found someone else.”

He tries so hard to understand what you are talking about as he reads your panicked gaze. But… you blocked him? Why would you block him unless you moved on too? He is uncertain of the girl you are talking about, but he listens as best as he can while he racks his brain of what happened seven years ago.

“Y/N…” He says calmly. “Can you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Guk! The picture! You had your arm wrapped around another girl! What else was I supposed to think? Do you know how destroyed I was?”

Jeongguk flits his sight to the comforter while the pair of you start to distance from your sweaty frames. The smell of sex is starting to fade, and you bundle the comforter over your chest while Jeongguk’s lower-half slips under the covers. When realization enlarges his eyes, his heart drops to his stomach. Now, he knows what you’re talking about.

“Wait… Yoongi’s girlfriend?”

“Yoongi? I thought-”

Jeongguk’s eyes search yours as if he is trying to get you to telepathically see his memories. “Me and Jin were at the hospital for a few days because Yoongi was in the hospital from- from the accident.” He wets his lips. “Sun Hee was just a friend of mine, and she was stressed from it all, so I was just trying to be there for her. We weren’t dating! I’m pretty sure we’re even related somehow.”

“Wait- wait a minute, what?” The heat hovering over your chest is intensely overwhelming when you realize the huge mistake you have made. “You mean-?”

“When I came home, I tried to get a hold of you so I could tell you everything, but I was blocked! Even years later, I tried checking social media every now and then so I could find you again, but it was like you disappeared!” Jeongguk is pouring his heart out to you meanwhile tears of utter humiliation form and begin to drip in so much regret, you can’t believe the fog in your head is allowing you to compute his every word. “Why didn’t you talk to me first? Why didn’t you let me know you were hurt?” Jeongguk’s voice is pained as he continues. “I could have explained everything! I even showed up at your place a few months after, but you weren’t home.” He doesn’t mention your dad since none of this involves either of your parents especially when he sees your reaction.

“You… came back?”

“Of course, I did! I was in love with you, y/n! I even planned to tell you about Konkuk’s mix up! They sent you the wrong letter. You were accepted. I had it all ready and planned out to surprise you! There was never anybody else, it was always you!”

The world stops. Everything just stops. The words you have longed and hoped and wished and prayed have just been said to you by Jeon Jeongguk. The man you have loved to no end. You can’t move. You don’t budge. This embarrassment is so deep and severe, you just want to run.

That’s why Jeongguk asked you why.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Jeongguk reaches to hold you.

“I was accepted into Konkuk? You- you got it fixed for me? You-”

Your head is spinning, nothing makes sense anymore. All this time, you were robbed of being with Jeongguk because of you. Not him, not fate, not destiny, not your parents, not the girl, not Konkuk University:

you.

Dropping the covers, you race to gather your things. You don’t even know if your flight has left yet. You don’t even know the time, but you must go home before you ruin everything again.

“Y/N? Please. Please hold on-”

You blur out his voice while you fumble to grab your things. Jeongguk tries to stop you, his eyes pleading- begging. You don’t know how you remembered Stan’s phone number that Taehyung happened to text you after the argument, but you manage to shoot Stan a text despite the chaos. All you hope is he is right down the road.

Somehow you find a way down the stairs while tears pour non-stop. How will you ever forgive yourself for the mess you made? Grabbing your suitcase, you struggle to put on your shoes while Jeongguk tries to slip on his. When Stan arrives, you jump into the backseat where you and the man of your dreams made love paining you as you sob. He’s frantically begging you not to leave but you can’t bring yourself to now that you finally know the truth. You don’t even give Stan time to help you. Rather, you fling your suitcase into the back seat and slam the door before Jeongguk reaches you.

“Y/N! Please don’t go! Please! We can figure this out!”

It’s all crashing down so hard as you hear Jeongguk’s voice. You beg Stan to hurry, and as the limo turns to head to the airport, you see the man you love more than anything falling to his knees in mirroring agony.

{24}

It’s him.

It has always been him.

Your hands grip the steering wheel until your knuckles are white as your eyes stay focused on the road ahead. You barely made your flight that day, and with hushed tears, the whole flight was nothing but heavy misery.

When you made it home, you were too tired to pack anything, so you stayed bundled in you and Taehyung’s bed with no will to want to do anything other than cry. It took another week for Taehyung to return home and that’s when he convinced you to give the relationship another try. You thought staying was what you deserved because after what you did to Jeongguk, you don’t deserve him anymore. And you still loved Taehyung even if it wasn’t completely to the fullest as it should have been.

It was when the movie Jeongguk and his friends were in blew up all around the world that you started seeing his face everywhere. Every picture, every magazine, every interview on television. Taehyung, naturally, questioned about everything that happened between you and ‘that actor’ as he refers to Jeongguk, so you summarized as vaguely as you could which still wasn’t enough for Taehyung. Of course, you suppress the guilt as much as you can since that is all you have seemed to feel anymore.

“There is someone from my past that means the absolute world to me and always will.” Jeongguk’s words from the interview that prompted Taehyung to leave echoes silently in the car. “This person encouraged me and believed in me even when I didn’t know it. They said to not be afraid anymore. So, I took that advice and I’m thankful I did. Now, I’ve gained brotherhood and my dreams have come true.” The remote almost slipped from your hand while you stared in shock. You knew Taehyung needed to know the truth because Jeongguk was your truth.

The fight and the breakup are still fresh, but now that it’s dark, you wipe your fingers along your face to rid of the new tears.

Jeongguk is known by the whole world now. Globally. He really did accomplish the dreams that you knew he could and would reach. He is going to make history for the rest of his life, and you will cheer him on no matter what distance. No matter what time. You will always cheer him on. Because he deserves it all.

The bleachers of the soccer field. That is where you wanted to escape to.

Stepping down the metal seats, you find the infamous spot where you would secretly watch Jeongguk all those years ago as well as the times the friendship bloomed, and he would come see you every day before your dad picked you up.

You smile through the tears as you descend into the spot. The tall lights glisten with the stars as you sit back enough to feel the breeze and you can smell the mist of the humidity from the earlier evening rain. You don’t know how much time passes, nor do you care. You just want to be here where Jeongguk used to be so you can relive all the memories and create memories you wish you could have shared with him during the years you took away.

Unexpectedly, you hear the familiar pounce of footsteps making their way down the bleachers perking your ear drums to tune into the sound. You are not sure who it could be at this time of night, and you also aren’t sure if you should be afraid. You stiffen immediately once the steps stop. Silence.

“…Y/N?”

Standing in response ever so excruciatingly slow. You cannot believe the voice you are hearing. No way.

His voice is soft as flower petals when he says your name, and the tears brim as you turn to face him with unshed happiness blossoming along your heart because Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh is standing there with hope mingled with stunned nervousness evident in his expression. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Swiping a tear, you hardly can believe it yourself, but now you understand why you felt the urge to come here. It’s because you were meant to because the stars were aligning for him to be here too. Where it all started. “I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“I come here when I-”

“Need an escape.”

“And, to think about you.”

Your chin quivers as you keep his eyes connected with yours. It’s been a year since you have seen him, yet it still seems so fresh as if it all happened just yesterday. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, trying to stifle a sob. “It was all my fault that we missed out on so many years we could have been together. It’s honestly even been years since I have been here. But something… something fueled me to come here, and here I am.”

“Well…” Jeongguk clears his throat while he slips his cold fingers into his pockets. “I have a new rule for you.”

Looking at him, you wait for his response while you wipe at another tear that escapes.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry anymore. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I do.” You sniff to clear your airways. “I should have spoken to you the second I saw that damned picture, but I… I was so hurt and panicked that I let my selfishness take over when you needed me the most…

If I would have just waited for your call. Things would have been different. I should have asked about your friend, too. He was hurt and even though, I didn’t know him personally, I should have asked about him. Asked about you and how you were doing. If Jin was okay. There- there should have been consideration, but I let me get in the way of… Me. And I’m so sorry… Even for a year ago, the humiliation devastated me that I didn’t know how to face you. I think… I think I needed time to forgive myself for taking away time I could have spent being with you.” You stare down at your hands that are quivering from the anxiety.

“We still have time.” Jeongguk murmurs. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks. “Now, come here.”

Flitting your gaze in surprise, it’s as if the tradition never ended, but this time, there will not be a single goodbye after this embrace. Immediately, you sprint to crash into his arms, bundling into his frame while the sobs are relentless. “It’s you, Guk. It’s always been you. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I will never stop cheering you on or supporting you. You are everything to me.” He squeezes you so tight and fights to prevent his own tears from spilling onto your hair that tucks beneath his chin. He isn’t going to let you go. He holds you while you let it all out, crying all the guilt and the regret into his clothes while he comforts you the way he always will.

Into the evening, the pair of you find yourselves sitting on the bleachers staring at the stars where fingers are interlaced. This time you found the courage to grab his hand, sitting so close that shoulders are touching while the moon glistens above. Early memories begin to bud.

“Remember in elementary school when you took the blame for me smacking Kevin?”

A sly smile fills Jeongguk’s face. “Do I! That was the best day of my life!”

You look at him incredulously. “You went to the principal’s office!”

“I know, but you smacked Kevin before I could, so I wanted to take some credit.”

“Oh God, then why were you his friend later on?”

Jeongguk’s lips press in a firm line. “He didn’t have the best life growing up… Found him in tears one day so I gave him a chance. Then we lost touch.” He shrugs.

“Well, I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Silence lingers for a moment before you continue, “I guess my point of bringing up that whole situation is because that was the day, I started having feelings for you.” The serenity that collects in his gaze while he locks eyes with you breathes life into your heart just as strongly as his presence has the entirety of the night. “I don’t want to lose you anymore, Guk.” You whisper. “I’m done losing you.”

Jeongguk’s eyes reflect serene emotion and after a few minutes of him moving forward to press a slow, sweet kiss to your forehead, you then notice his free hand moves to retrieve a square box from his jacket pocket. Pulling away slightly, you stare at the box then to Jeongguk, then the box and then back to Jeongguk. Speechless.

“I bring this with me every single time I visit here, but I didn’t realize the exact moment I needed would present itself.” He shifts to face you more while you stare in stunned silence. “This is a gift I’ve been wanting to give you for years… I got it back when I started college. The second I saw it, I saved up all I could so I could surprise you.” He then hands it to you. “Open it.”

Tears are in your eyes as you bring shaky fingers to your lips. You reach for the gift and lift the lid cautiously to see the most beautiful shimmering necklace you have ever seen. The diamonds smile back at you while the symbol of a page from a script beams in the moonlight. “I know it’s not exactly how we met, but it is definitely what brought us together.”

“Jeongguk!” You cry, as he reaches for the necklace. You move slightly as he helps you put it on. You can’t take your eyes off the symbol. How did he even find something so perfect and so beautiful? “Guk, I- I love it so much! I don’t- I don’t even- I haven’t-”

His hands find your cheeks to force you to look into his eyes which ceases your panic.

“You are enough.” He means every word and you feel his heart connecting with yours beyond what you can fathom. “Also,” he smiles excitingly. “The offer still stands at Konkuk University if you still want to attend. There’s plenty slots open.”

“Oh, Guk!” You burst with elation. Immediately, he leans into you, pressing his lips to yours igniting the magic that comes alive because the pair of you have finally found each other and refuse to let it diminish. Not anymore.

“I love you.” You gasp between kisses. “I never stopped loving you.” You cling to him while he deepens the kisses, pulling you even closer.

“I love you, more...” He whispers. “And I will never stop.”

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kittykat-25 · 2 months

Text

One Of The Guys -Part 6

Pairings: Hongjoong x F! Reader, Chan X F! Reader

Genre: idol au, Friends x Lovers, angst

Warnings: anxiety attacks, Feminine pet names

Summary: You tried really hard not to be a cliché, falling love with your best friend. How unoriginal. But when your best friend is Kim Hongjoong what are you supposed to do?

Now Playing: One Of The Guys- Jessia

A/n: The beginning of part six picks up exactly where part five left off🤍

Chan laid the flowers on the table and made his way to the living room. You were sitting on the couch, legs curled up against your chest. You looked so small, “y/n, are you okay?” He asked quietly. You turned and looked at him, the tears streaming down your face cracking his heart in two. He came and sat down, wrapping his arms around you tightly, “do you want to talk about it?” He asked while running his hands through your hair. “I’m sorry.” You mumbled trying to control yourself. “Hey, hey it’s alright.” Chan said, his hand cupped your cheek, “you don’t have to apologize, I don’t know what happened between you two but if you want me to go kick his butt I will.” You laughed, making Chans heart soar. “Don’t do that, we don’t need the dispatch rumor mill starting.” You wiped your eyes and sat up, Chans hand dropped from your face to your hand squeezing once in encouragement.

You took a deep breath, “yesterday I woke up and was just struggling. My anxiety was in over drive and everything was going wrong. And then work was crap and I had to stay late. So when I got home I lost it completely. I had repressed everything all day and it all hit me at once.” You started picking at your thumb and Chans hand came down gently, rubbing soothing circles on your palm. “I usually call Wooyoung or Joong because they can get here the fastest. But I knew Woo was helping Yeo so I called Hongjoong. And he, um-“ you struggled to find the words, all the hurt from last night rising back up when you saw him.

Chan reached up and tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, “you don’t have to tell me.” He said gently. “No it’s fine it’s just a lot and it hurts. He basically told me to figure it out and to leave him alone. That he didn’t have time to deal with me. And that’s when everything collapsed essentially.” Chans heart sank at that statement, you continued, “I spiraled and thank god Mingi called me, he came over the second he heard me sobbing. I’m pretty sure Wooyoung threatened Joong. He didn’t tell me exactly what he said to him. But now Hongjoong has been calling and texting all day but I don’t have it in me to be the bigger person right now.” You said laying your head against the back of the couch. Chan kept drawing circles on your hand, trailing them up your arm.

The tears had stopped falling but the hurt was evident and Chan would’ve given anything to take the pain from you. “Have you listened to his messages he left?” You shook your head no, “I know it’s petty-“ Chan cut you off, “no y/n you have every right to be hurt by what he said. especially when he knows what’s going on.” You nodded, “I know but with a comeback and he barely sleeps as it is. You know how it goes. It’s a lot going on, I understand dealing with me is probably more than he can take.” Chan nodded, “yeah comebacks and producing music is hard and sleepless nights can all blur together. And I know me and Changbin and Han have all said things to each other in those moments we shouldn’t have but it never gets easier hearing them or dealing with the consequences after.” You smiled, “I can’t imagine you guys fighting.” Chan laughed, “we don’t often because we communicate but we have all had our fair shares of sleep deprived digs at each other.” His hand stop tracing and you lifted your head to look at him, “I’m not saying you have to forgive and forget. But maybe listening to the messages or listening to him apologize will make you feel better.” He said with a small smile. You nodded your head, “maybe tomorrow.” You turned your attention back to the tv, “what movie should we watch?!” You asked grabbing your favorite blanket and throwing it on top of your legs. Chan look at you and pulled you closer, “whatever you want to watch pretty girl.” You smiled and you snuggled closer into his side. Felling safe and forgetting the world outside for a moment.

As you made your way to the guys dorms, chatting with Chan on the phone, “I just have a bad feeling.” Chan chuckled, “he showed up with flowers Y/n I don’t think he’s going to turn you away.” You could hear Changbin yelling in the background, ��y/n-ie!!” You laughed “what does Bin want?” Chan groaned into the phone, “for you to come over for dinner. Don’t feel obligated, they are nosey and want to meet you.” You walked to the side door of the dorm, “let me see how this goes and then we will talk about dinner.” You said quickly, “I’m here but I’ll update you.” You said a quick goodbye and hung up.

You knocked on the door and waited, you knew they were all home per Seonghwa. Jongho opened the door and you gave him a smile. “Hi baby bear.” He rolled his eyes at you but gave you a mile and a quick hug, “Wooyoung is at Sans.” You nodded, “I’m here to see Joong.” He turned around and looked at you, “do you want me to get woo back here? Or I can stay?” You patted his arm. “I can handle Hongjoong little bear don’t worry.” Jongho nodded and went back to the couch. When you went down the hallway he sent a text to the group chat letting the members know you were here.

As you knocked on Hongjoong’s door, it flew open. “Woah there.” You said jumping back. “Y/n” Joong said, mostly a whisper. “You wanted to speak to me?” You said and motioned into his room. He turned around and lead you to the desk. You sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to speak. “Y/n I’m so sorry, I know what I said it’s unforgivable-“ Hongjoong was interrupted by the slamming of a door and multiple voices yelling. “Wooyoung calm down.” You heard Yeosang start. You stood up and walked to the door, seeing San and Yeo trying to forced Wooyoung into the living room instead of coming to you. “Woo, it’s fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” You said shutting the door, not missing the glare he threw over your shoulder to his captain.

“He hates me now. All of them are mad at me.” Hongjoong said dropping his head into his hands. “Yeah well do you blame him?” You stated, sitting back down. “No but honestly I’m more concerned on if you hate me.” He said grabbing your hands. You pulled your hands out of his slowly. “I don’t hate you Joongie. I don’t even think that’s possible for me to do. But what you said really hurt me. And I get your busy but-“ Hongjoong cut you off, “no Buts. I should never be too busy to help you. Especially when you need me. I’m so sorry Doll.” You gave him a smile, “I forgive you. Thank you for the flowers by the way.” Hoongjoongs gut twisted as he remembered last night. Chan being in your apartment so comfortably.

He had asked Wooyoung about it but Woo had been less than friendly and had choice words for his captain about it. “You and Chan?” He asked, eyebrow raised slightly. His heart sank a bit when you smiled at the mention of the older man and the blush that crept up your cheeks. “Chan is not something I’m ready to talk about and I’d like for the other guys to not know anything please.” You said quietly, “it’s new and I don’t need them injecting themselves. Wooyoung does that enough.” Hongjoong nodded, glad he wouldn’t have to tell his brothers about this and try to explain why it annoyed him so much.

You gave Joong a smile and stood up, “alright I just wanted to clear the air but I need to get going. I know you guys have practice and have alot to do before Friday.” You said walking to the door. As you opened it you swore you heard quiet footsteps sprinting down the hallway. Rolling your eyes you made your way into the living room, climbing between Yeo and Woo. Wooyoung threw his arm around you and glared at Hongjoong who had walked in behind you. You pinched Wooyoung’s arm, “enough. We’re fine.” “Bubs.” Wooyoung started you held up a hand to cut him off. “No this is for all of you, me and Joong talked. We are fine. I appreciate the love from you all but you have a comeback starting in three days. You need to get your crap together and be a team.” Seonghwa smiled at you, “now get your butts to practice. Go!” You said making them all get up.

You said your goodbyes and headed towards the bus to go to work sending a text to Chan, “all is well and I’d love to do dinner whenever you guys can.” Chans text back came hours later while you were working, “perfect the kids are excited, Minho is cooking, how does Saturday sound?” You happily accepted and returned to work, not giving your nerves time to kick in. You would panic about meeting them all later.

You texted Wooyoung once you got home and as expected his FaceTime came in a second later. “Binnie told me you were having dinner with them.” He smirked through the phone. “I’ve met them all in passing, shooting Kingdom way back when but never as someone Chan is seeing. What if they hate me?” Wooyoung laughed, “nah they all have good taste. They’ll love you.” You rolled your eyes, “Woo I’m dating their leader, who they all adore and love. They are going to be protective.” Wooyoung raised his eyebrows, “so yall are official. You are off the market and over Joong?” “You know what I mean. I’ve been going on dates. Casually I guess. I don’t know. I have no clue what we are.” You rattle out.

Wooyoung whistled, “you are stressing over this aren’t you jagiya.” You groan, throwing your head back, “What do I do.” Wooyoung was quiet long enough for you to lift your phone, he was staring at you waiting, “bubs are you over Hongjoongie, because you need to figure that out before you start something seriously with Chan Hyung. He’s a good guy and I mean no harm in this but he doesn’t deserve to be a pit stop before Joong.” You looked down at your lap, “nothing is going to happen with Hongjoong. I’ve accepted that and I think Monday was just nailing the lid to the coffin. That dream of running off into the sunset with him is dead. Chan makes me happy and I feel safe and cared for with him.” You added with a smile.

Wooyoung smiled at you, “you deserve the world and I think if given the chance Chan would do that. I mean in my opinion no one is good enough for you but Channie Hyung is the best option.” You laughed, “ I love you Wooyoungie, thank you for being my friend.” “I love you too bubs.”

As Hongjoong sat outside of Wooyoung’s door, hand on the handle about to apologize. He can’t seem to move from the spot after hearing the ending of Wooyoung’s conversation. Turning and walking back down to his room, brain swimming with thoughts. Wooyoung would rather you be with Chan than anyone else. Why not one of them? Were they not good enough for you? They were his brothers. Hongjoong had so many questions. The main one being why you dating Chan has him so worked up.

A/N: Hehe I hope you enjoy it! Part 7 is going to be fun!!

TAGLIST🥰 if you want to be included in the taglist message me!

@vampzity @sanslovesblog @sundaybossanova @skzline @edenesth @owmoiralover @scarfac3 @blackb3|| @ateezswonderland @amuromio @the-multishipper @mingisbbokari @chngbbnwf @vic0921 @woosmaid

#ateez #friends to lovers #angst #hongjoong x reader #bang chan x reader #stray kids #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #choi san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #changbin

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sungbeam · 11 months

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the boyz office au, but you're the ceo

tbz ot11 x gn!reader

2.5k words, assorted headcanons, bullet format, ceo/office au, swear words

a/n: this was for fun and fun to do ;3

LEE SANGYEON: nothing changes; he’s still the boss

he’s a ceo, but he’s the ceo of another company, not yours

you and sangyeon are actually really good friends, and met when your friends attempted to set you guys up because you were both majorly workaholic (and still are) and were in desperate need of a life

but instead of ending up dating, you both agreed that you wanted to postpone a relationship and focus on your careers first 💀 which is, in retrospect, the total opposite of the reason behind setting you guys up in the first place, but…

what’re you gonna do ig 🤡 you’re both the smartest idiots to ever exist

of course, though, sangyeon does have feelings for you and kinda feels (in)secure because he thinks that if you end up not finding anyone else, that you could reasonably fall back on him instead

plus, everybody thinks you guys are together anyway (“have you heard? yn’s engaged to the son of the lee business conglomerate…”); when people ask him about confirming or denying, he’s very good about replying in a well-mannered way “no, yn and i are just very good friends”, but sometimes he wants to just say “no comment” with a secretive smile and let people speculate (but he respects you too much to do that)

JACOB BAE: the assistant who is not your assistant

imagine the one scenario from that cheesy netflix romcom called set it up, wherein the assistants of two successful ceos attempt to set each other's bosses up with one another, but then said assistants fall in love w/ e/o instead

EXCEPT jacob's the executive assistant of some other ceo who is trying to ~woo~ you (quite poorly, might i add), and he's been tasked with sending you gifts and getting to know you

this basically means he knows you way better than his boss, who is supposed to be the person trying to win you over, but jacob ends up falling for you instead as he gets to know you and what you like and what you are like (and he's just absolutely enamored by your work ethic and compassion and ingenuity and—)

suffice to say that it's really not so difficult to write you romantic cards attached to flowers when he sends them to you, but it's awfully off-putting when he has to put his boss's name instead of his own

(you like jacob so much better than his boss anyway, and whenever you meet the two of them, you send him cheeky winks and smiles because you know)

like imagine the way this man offering to personally deliver today's little gift to your office to escape his work and to see you

AND THEN instead of just accepting the gift and dismissing him, you ask if he'd like to stay for lunch to, idk, "chat about his boss" (he'd just be overjoyed)

KIM YOUNGHOON: brand ambassador

ah, the beloved pretty face of the company—other than yourself (you are arguably a fine face for your company yourself, but celebrity endorsement is never not needed); now that you thought about it, your company did employ a lot of pretty faces…

anyway! kim younghoon's obviously gotta be some big, rising actor star person and he's got the big name, the great smile, the clear charisma, and when he signed on to become an official partner of your company to endorse the product, you were over the moon

because he was your biggest stroke of luck in this realm, and your first, you and he actually got to work very closely in the early days of shoots and branding, up to the point where younghoon became a lot more involved in the marketing than just sitting pretty and smiling on a billboard (he had beauty and brains… hard not to fall for this one)

oftentimes, he would send you invitations to his red carpet events to be his plus one, too. just imagine sharing a limo with this guy, giggling in the backseat as you make funny faces at the paparazzi outside, and then holding onto his arm as the two of you posed at premieres

(oh my god and he would be SO cheeky if people asked if you two were dating smh like lee sangyeon, who??)

LEE HYUNJAE: head of the legal department

oh, you know this man's gonna be a little shitter—but he's also the best in the legal realm, and you couldn't exactly pass up the chance to be represented by lee hyunjae (who could've been the district attorney, but decided he wanted to take on the cutthroat world of business law instead lmao)

okay but please, he probably looks super fine in those crisp, fresh-pressed suits and the thin-wired specs as he takes on the courtroom (did someone turn up the heat…?)

i'm sorry i will move on TT

MOVING ON! you and he have probably been friends for a long time, maybe since high school or college, and so you got to see him rise during his career. he was probably one of the first people to encourage you to start the business, and sat with you through really long nights drawing up contracts and foundations and going through all the red tape

so maybe he's the best friend type, but he knows not only your business inside and out, but also knows a lot about you too

he's probably gotten so many offers to join other legal teams, but he loves the one he's built here and he can't really see himself representing any other company but yours? you yourself don't get into a lot of trouble, but he does find immense pleasure in taking care of anyone who thinks they can mess with you or tarnish your name

LEE JUYEON: vp of human resources

nobody is more equipped to handle the dramatics of hr than our lovely baby boy juyo 🤩🤩

some people might doubt his abilities because of his good looks (pretty privilege or sumn lmao) but he's got a work ethic of steel and a heart of pure gold; you don't trust your new recruits with anyone else but lee juyeon

pretty much everyone under your employ has gone through the hiring process with juyeon and even though he's very soft and charming, he can also be honest enough to cut out anyone who doesn't fit the work ethic the company might require of them (but on the same note, he's also got enough faith to be able to see the good and potential in people to give them a chance)

if anyone's got a problem, you can almost always count on juyeon to help you out

you and juyeon are often seen lunching together to talk about performance management, employee relations, and other associated policies in order to keep up to date with those and up to date with each other, because even though you are boss and employee, you're still good friends

juyeon's also no stranger to the world of brand ambassadorship, and he's one of the people who helped bridge the gap between you and the limelight, especially networking with people like younghoon

and it definitely helps that juyeon is also pretty enough to be on the cover of your company's billboards too 🥴

KEVIN MOON: global ambassador/vp global relations and investment

you didn’t even realize that you’d get to the point where your company was large enough to need to think of global expansion, so kevin’s coming onto the board of directors became a blessing and a huge marker of your company’s success

he’s everything you’re looking for in a global ambassador: charismatic, down-to-earth, creative, diplomatic, fluent in like 20357038 languages (english, korean, japanese, some french, etc.)

you and kevin actually took a trip to a location abroad to a prospective new office branch, which gave you and him lots of time to bond and become familiar with working with one another (changmin was left in charge, and though he was jealous that you didn’t even think to bring him, he was honored to manage the company in your stead; you and the rest of your board of directors met up at the location too so it wasn’t like it was just you and kevin ‘cause that would be… a little too much scandal for the rising employee)

anyway, kevin basically loves travelling and he always offers you this one guest house villa/timeshare he has in the location for you to stay at when you’re in town

like, whenever he hears you're in town, you know he's coming to pick you up in a pair of aviators and a convertible, and treating you to the absolute best the city has to offer

CHOI CHANHEE: vp of finance

chanhee's definitely your stereotypical, run-of-the-mill finance person, and not the Finance Bro™, but like the glasses-wearing, shrewd, calculating, and eagle-eyed excel spreadsheet wizard who doesn't take "impossible" for an answer

well, "impossible" only if it applies to certain financial constraints, but you hired this man in particular because you were confident in his ability to deal with money

and he definitely has not let you down

he's not really outgoing when you first meet him, but once you get to know him and the two of you start working together a lot more often, he starts to open up to you and you get to see more to him than just his smarts and snark

he's actually quite shy and, frankly, adorable, once you get to know him, and it's really fascinating to watch him work whether it's with just his mental calculator or with his extensive excel knowledge (he once did a presentation on excel and navigated the entire thing with just the keyboard and to say you were a little too entranced by his finger movements would be an understatement…)

is shy at first when he receives your praise, but is much more smug when he knows you better later on and catches you staring; imagine he offers to teach you his excel wizarding tricks and just leans over your shoulder and places his hand over yours on the mouse (*malfunctions*)

JI CHANGMIN: the assistant™ (i'm sorry, but are we surprised…)

oh boy, where do we even begin with this one?

well for starters, there are a handful of reasons you decided to hire changmin as your personal assistant/secretary even though he didn’t really have experience in the realm other than some desk job a few summers ago

he’s got an attitude that takes no shit from anyone (similar to chanhee), he’s got an approachable face, but he’s also got the ability to scare anyone off or into doing their work on time

changmin’s a really hard worker, and somehow worms himself into your heart and your office, always insisting that he stay at the office until you go home, too

gives anyone who presents themselves as a threat to his close, right-hand-man standing with you the bombastic side eye and a very scary smile

rip to changmin whenever he’s approached by reporters about your alleged “engagement” to lee sangyeon (very quick to shut those rumors down; even asks if you’d like him to contact the legal department but you brush it off as unimportant)

but besides always being your first line of defense (to be there for you), whenever sangyeon isn’t in town, he’s always your next choice to bring along to fancy galas/events (gives him the excuse to let you see him in a light that’s not just your scarily efficient assistant)

i liken assistant!changmin to the mistresses of kings who protected their positions ruthlessly (except no one in this is inbred and changmin totally wouldn’t poison any possible competition, right… haha right? right??)

JU HAKNYEON: college crush → celebrity crush 😎😎😎

to be completely real with you, haknyeon’s had a crush on you ever since college days when he was delivering pizzas to your neighbor and always saw you either coming in or out of your own apartment

you were always really friendly, greeting him with a sweet smile and appropriate “good morning”/”good night”

he occasionally saw you on campus and knew of your reputation as an ambitious and innovative go-getter, and he thought your energies matched really well

but for some reason, he was always too shy to ask you to hang out (maybe he was embarrassed that he was just the pizza delivery guy, but then again, you never indicated that you looked down on him for that)

he went abroad to go to this really great culinary school though, and eventually came back to open his own place

he had always planned to reach out to you and invite you to the opening, but it’s even greater now that you can both reunite as successful versions of your younger selves

(he invites you to his restaurant often, and always has a table reserved for you; almost always sits down to share a meal with you and catch up like he always wanted to do in college)

KIM SUNWOO: the one new paparazzi guy

he has no clue what is going on half the time to be honest lol but he's been hired, given a press pass, and now has a big boy job. what's the job? paying attention to you! well, it's a little more complicated than that…

when sunwoo majored in journalism, he didn't think that he'd be spending his day camping outside your company building for an exclusive interview with you

he didn't really understand your appeal until he was sitting in the lobby of your top floor office across from a very scary-looking assistant waiting for you to be ready to give him that exclusive interview

he definitely becomes a fan of everything about you afterward: from how you run things to the very way you made his coffee in your office—plus, he wrote one hell of an article on you and he got a great promotion because of you (he still doesn't know what he's doing half the time)

anyways, whenever something about you comes up at his publishing firm, he always worms his way into being in charge of it, and if anyone says anything bad about you, he's one of the first people to defend you

lmao he's also always the one who asks changmin if you and lee sangyeon are an item just to annoy your assistant (even if sunwoo is also secretly hoping that you and sangyeon aren't...)

ERIC SOHN: the intern who spilled coffee on you the first day

i feel bad for doing eric so dirty, but tell me you can also see him rushing down the hall with open coffee cups in either of his hands and he doesn’t even see you coming toward him until he—CRASH!—absolutely destroys the blouse you’re wearing and he’s a total, blubbering mess

he’s so afraid that he’s about to get fired on his first day, because anyone who doesn’t work directly under you believes you’re super scary, but you don’t fire him

he comes back the next day in fear of his life whenever he even hears about you

you bump into him (less literally than before) in one of the break rooms because you ran out of tea packets in your office and you soothe his worries

like literally made him smile and giggle like a school girl until he could look you in the eyes without cowering—

cue the literal heart eyes he has for you now instead of pure fear (he always peeks out of the copy room whenever he hears you coming down the hall so he can greet you)

tbz m.list

permanent taglist: @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @mingiholic @ja4hyvn @vatterie @yogurteume @ethereal-engene @hyunjaespresent-deobi @justalildumpling @hongyangi @pxppxrmint @nerdypastacalzonespy @jcmdoll @zhaixiaowen @wtfhyuck @winterchimez @sodafy @fluorescentloves @tinkerbell460 @kflixnet

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monseulamourrr · 4 months

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→ “new year’s day.” || kim jiwon (liz) x reader fic.

— while getting your well-deserved rest after an exhausting new year’s eve party, you and jiwon reflect on the long year you’ve both had under the stars of a new year…

word count: 3.4k

tags: fluff, friends to lovers, non-idol au, college au, side annyeongz.

requested? : nope.

a/n: looks around… this is for people who are still feeling the new year’s spirit!! 😭 i didn’t expect to finish this so late but eek i’m finally setting her free from the dungeons! i hope everybody had a happy new year’s day and i’m wishing you all only good times in 2024 🎉🎉

the start of a new year, and the first words you hear…?

“this is what happens when you invite everyone to bring their own drinks while having your liquor cabinet free to access.”

you never thought that jiwon, someone who was just a tad bit weirder and crazier than you are, would say that to you out of everybody but there you were—standing in the mess of your living room and witnessing the aftermath of a very long and very loud new year’s eve party. it looked as if everybody puked yellow confettis and shat golden glitters because it truly was in every nook and cranny of the room.

at least six people were passed out on the floor. the only thing you were happy about was that they were people that you knew, not some strangers you would have to drive to their home the morning after. jiwon starts picking up the empty alcohol bottles scattered on the floor while you merely stared dumbly. where the hell would you even start cleaning up?

“yujin-unnie, please do not sleep on the stairs.” jiwon, with four bottles tucked in her arms, scolds the older girl who was indeed passed out on the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. yujin mutters something incomprehensible and reaches for the bottom of jiwon’s pants when the blonde tried to turn around and walk away. jiwon sighs and looks at you with pleading eyes.

“i got her,” you said. you pried yujin’s grip off jiwon’s ankle and picked her up, nearly falling down as you did so since yujin was so much taller. “wony’s in one of the rooms upstairs somewhere. i’ll just have unnie room with her.” and so you started climbing the stairs while dragging the older girl with you. jiwon made sure to stay close just in case both you and yujin lost balance, bless her heart.

you knocked on a door with several heart stickers plastered all over it. wonyoung, your roommate, opens up immediately. “hiya! oh,” the tall girl’s smile slightly faltered when she saw yujin’s state. her eyes switched back and forth between your awkward smile, the sight of jiwon scratching her head, and yujin being completely gone. “i love your parties so much, (y/n). someone’s always bound to be basically dead by the end of the night.” wonyoung laughed.

“i don’t know how it always happens… but can you help me with unnie? i don’t want her sleeping with the other girls downstairs—you know how they are with her.” you said.

“by ‘them’ you mean… her exes?” wonyoung asked, giggling.

“chaewon-unnie getting yujin-unnie alone is crazy enough. imagine adding yuri-unnie, gaeul-sunbae, seeun-unnie, and those other two…” you shivered at the thought. yujin grumbles in reply, raises her head a bit, and weakly says wonyoung’s name before pathetically attempting to walk towards her, only to nearly fall flat on her face.

luckily, wonyoung was quick to catch the older girl. “okay, let’s get you to lie down, yujin-ah.” wonyoung says before assisting yujin towards her bed.

worried, you tried to follow after the two girls but jiwon grabs your sleeve. “wony’s got unnie. let’s go.” the blonde closes wonyoung’s bedroom door and drags you back downstairs. right, you still had to clean up and find a place for all the girls on the floor to sleep in.

it was hell. once you’ve both picked up enough bottles to fill up four entire garbage bags, you ran all over your house to find an extra mattress and some pillows for the three girls who couldn’t fit into the sofa bed. somewhere along the way, you gave up on assisting the girls by carrying some of their weight and just… dragged them by their arms to their makeshift beds.

they seemed comfortable. but then again, they were unconscious.

either way, you and jiwon happily retreated to the kitchen to get some drinks. soft drinks—jiwon absolutely refused to let you have a sip of anything that had alcohol in them. there was still some leftover pizza that miraculously survived, so you and jiwon feasted on that as you watched the neon lights dance in your living room.

you turned your head to look at jiwon, who now busied herself cleaning up the countertops, her blonde hair shining under the fluorescent lights. and it just came to you that moments like this with jiwon were rare. the two of you were part of a big friend group so not everybody was going to be too close and much to your dismay, you and jiwon were that kind of duo in the group.

‘much to your dismay’ because you had the biggest crush on her.

“are you finished with that?”

see, you asked that same question to yourself sometimes. are you finished crushing on kim jiwon? there was never a clear answer. every time you tried to move on, jiwon just randomly shows up and steals your heart again. whether it’s giving you the cutest, shy smile when you pass by each other in the hallways, the way you’d sometimes catch her staring whenever your group was together and talking, or… when she does you all these little favours—like clarifying difficult material for you in school despite being in different programs, doing chores in your own house (like she is right now) since wonyoung makes her come over often (for obvious reasons), and checking up on you randomly.

plus, those dimples are irresistible.

“(y/n)?” jiwon tilts her head at you. you blinked, realizing that you’d been mindlessly staring at her like a creep all this time.

“r-right, sorry. i’m exhausted.” you handed over your plate.

“i think you should go to sleep actually. it’s been a long night,” jiwon steals a short glance over her shoulder to smile a you. “i can look after you.”

ba-thump.

god, you were a walking cliché.

“no, no. it would be rude for me to make you clean up the mess in my home. let me help you with that.” you started with grabbing all the random trash scattered all over your countertops and putting them in garbage bags. meanwhile, jiwon had started washing the dishes, now with her beautiful hair pulled up into a loose ponytail.

you tried not to pay attention to your warm cheeks too much as you moved about in your kitchen trying to clean up, but it was difficult. you couldn’t stop looking at jiwon every other minute, and you’d just looked away awkwardly on the rare times she’d look up from the sink to catch your glances. maybe you were imagining it, but you saw jiwon smiling to herself after she caught you staring for the umpteenth time.

maybe she thought you were stupid. in that case then, fuck. (stupidly cute maybe.)

when you came back from putting the trash bags in the garbage bin outside your house, your kitchen was nearly spotless. courtesy of jiwon who had enough energy to reorganize the misplaced items and wipe the marble countertops clean (she even sanitized it!). jiwon smiled as you entered the kitchen, “we have less to worry about in the morning now.” she said.

did that mean she was going to sleep here tonight? your heart races at the idea, but this wasn’t the time to think about that!

“you didn’t have to do all that, jiwon-ah. but thank you,” you say sincerely. when the blonde sends an appreciative smile your way, you bashfully turned your head and suddenly found your kitchen island more interesting. “knowing me i would’ve slept on the floor and made it all a tomorrow problem.” you chuckled awkwardly.

“well, now we can relax.” jiwon yawns and stretches her arms. all the partying, the ‘making-sure-yujin-doesn’t-sleep-with-thirteen-girls-in-one-night-again’ saga, and the clean-up seemed to be catching up to her. and suddenly, an idea came to mind.

here’s the thing about you, (y/n) (l/n). throwing the best parties all year long is your specialty, sure, but you’re also very good at finding the best ways one could loosen up and, as jiwon said, relax.

“i have the perfect place for you.” was all jiwon heard from you before you disappeared into your bedroom, leaving her standing at the bottom of yours stairs all confused. but excited, nevertheless.

it didn’t take long for you to come back downstairs, seeing as you only had to a zip-up jacket and a big, warm blanket (a pompompurin themed blanket, to be exact). “wear this! no doubt it’s a bit chilly out there.” after that, you wasted no time taking jiwon’s hand and slowly tugging her towards the direction of your backyard.

jiwon looked adorable in your jacket. she was taller than you but the jacket fit her just right. how funny it would be if she were to wear my clothes all the time? ha-ha, or be my girlfrie—

“(y/n),” jiwon gasped as she realize you were taking her to your very famous hammock. ‘famous’ because everyone and their mothers always ‘call dibs’ on your hammock whenever you were having a party. your backyard sees just as much action as your living room does during your parties. the wide space gave people a lot of freedom to do whatever they want, but what they loved more than that was your hammock. “i’m so honoured to be the first person in this new year to lay on the (y/n) (l/n)’s hammock.” jiwon teased.

“oh, please. just get in there and relax.”

and so, you assisted in getting jiwon lay comfortably in your hammock. she struggled a bit, yelping and laughing as the hammock swayed back and forth while she tried getting on it.

“hey, wait,” jiwon grabs your arm before you could leave alone. you blinked down at her, your eyes all lazy since fatigue was finally catching up to you. “lay with me.”

immediately, your face heated up. “w-what? why?”

“it’s comfortable! and don’t tell me this hammock can’t hold more than one grown adult—i’ve seen literal brutes stack up in here and this thing still held up,” jiwon’s grip on your sleeve was tight, and you wouldn’t have moved away if you wanted to anyway. “come here.” it came out of jiwon’s lips as a whisper, her eyes pleading you to stay.

“okay…” you walked around the other side and occupied the empty space on the hammock that jiwon had reserved for you. you struggled too, having to hold onto jiwon just to make sure you don’t fall out of the hammock and into the damp green grass. taking your eyes off of the leaves above you, you looked at jiwon’s hand that fell to your waist. she had a soft grip on your sweater, making sure you were secure with her.

“they weren’t kidding about this hammock,” you heard jiwon laugh. you looked up at her, her face bright with a big smile that made you crack a grin of your own. “it’s super comfortable.” you hummed in response. as the owner yourself, you could confirm! you couldn’t count how many afternoons you’ve spent softly swinging in this very same hammock after swim practice or a day of studying.

the two of you fall into a comfortable silence. it was when you suddenly found yourself looking everywhere but jiwon. well, with your proximity how could you? one of you would look up and your foreheads would touch—that would make you faint! as if being envelope by her scent and jiwon herself wasn’t enough!

“it was a long year for everyone,” jiwon mutters minutes later. your eyes fluttered open, meeting the blonde’s very own warm brown ones. “i was talking with a lot of our friends earlier and they all said a lot of things happened that they didn’t expect at all. and i feel the same, honestly.” jiwon wraps the blanket around the two of you after she caught you shivering slightly.

“really? felt like it was the same damn thing for me… at least i got better at swimming though.” you chuckled, having remembered that you recently beat your old speed record by three seconds. that was a good day—wonyoung and yujin acted as if you won the championship with the way they doted on you right after. something about being so proud of their ‘baby’.

“and you got smarter. turns out spending your free period studying diligently instead of going downtown and splurging money on arcades and food isn’t all that bad, huh?” jiwon says. she was most likely talking about how you struggled with a few of your classes but eventually, with the help of a fucking miracle that is, survived with decent to impressive grades.

“please, i was miserable… at least i’ll graduate, i guess,” you shrugged, earning a light hit on the hip from jiwon. “what was so different with your year?” you asked, moving just a little bit closer to her.

jiwon clears her throat, suddenly finding your full attention on her being a bit much, “well… i made new friends, fixed my relationship with rei even though we broke up, got even smarter, and i…” she trails off, smiling to herself. “i fell in love again.” she mumbles.

you ignored the way your heart clenched within itself. “what? when were you going to tell us?” you asked, grinning and trying to tease her.

“i was hoping never.” jiwon looked away, her cheeks flushed pink. if that person got sweet little jiwon giggling and smiling like this, then they can’t be that bad, right? you can be happy for them both, right?

“come on—not even wonyoung?” you asked again. the blonde shook her head. “how about me? i got no one to tell! off the record, i swear! i promise i will never let it slip that someone’s got you all whipped for them!” jiwon hits your shoulder lightly while you laughed. at least jiwon herself admits that this person makes her happy. that was good enough for you.

as long as jiwon stays as her smiley, weird self, then you were going to be okay.

“fine. drop the dish later but can you at least tell me that you kissed them when the clock struck 12?” it would hurt to know, but you had to.

a solemn expression takes over jiwon’s relaxed expression. you mirrored her face, afraid that you might have pushed the wrong button. “i couldn’t. she was… occupied.” jiwon stares at you, her eyes pained and regretful.

(as you consoled jiwon with a squeeze on her arm and a supportive smile, as you always do, she looks back on the time when the new year finally came and everybody grabbed their cherished one and hugged and kissed them. that time, she had been staring at one person—you, the girl she was hopelessly infatuated with.

a confetti canon pops, “happy new year!!” everyone shouted in unison before cheering. jiwon feels wonyoung and rei grab her before they closed the distance and attacked her cheeks with kisses, making her squeak and wriggle out of their hold with her face beet-red. rei and wonyoung giggled, gave each other kisses on the cheek before moving on to other people.

it should be noted that a certain ahn yujin grabbed wonyoung’s arm out of nowhere and pulled her to a dark and less populated area to do who-knows-what.

jiwon greets her friends a happy new year, hugged them, but she couldn’t look away from you. you were in the center of the living room with a drink in your hand, chatting and laughing with everybody else. you were hugging people, kissing people… pretty much everybody was lining up just to chat with you.

(y/n) (l/n). so damn charming. even jiwon couldn’t help but fall in love.

amidst the sea of people crowding you, your gaze meets jiwon’s. the blonde girl froze where she stood, eyes widened slightly. but of course she didn’t have anything to worry about. jiwon watched as your eyes shined upon meeting her own, looking like you were the happiest girl in the world, before you gave jiwon a wave with a shy smile.

the moment was quick to be taken away as some party-goers averted your attention from jiwon to them, making the blonde girl sigh and wonder just when will she be able to tell you everything she has been feeling for years.

maybe it was jiwon’s fault for never having the courage. you had a lot of people chasing after your affection; what are the chances that she was your type? if there even is one.)

“enough about me. how about you? kissed that special someone?” jiwon asks. your face heats up again. you admit, you did want to risk everything and just… take the chance. but that was before you knew that she had someone in her heart. now you were afraid to even look at her in fear of your secret being let out. and by yourself, no less!

“u-uh… no… i couldn’t either.”

jiwon scoffed, “you’re the most admired girl in the campus and you’re telling me you didn’t have a little session with someone? come on, (y/n), you can tell me.” she shakes your arm, pouting with a pleading look on her face.

shit, how could you resist her?

hiding your feelings have always been a very difficult task for you. people think you’ve always got yourself under control but more often than not, that was just a façade. you were a fucking mess. and sweet little jiwon’s existence unfortunately contributes to the reasons as to why you sometimes struggle to keep your feelings in check.

soft and kind coffee brown eyes that are like magnets to your own. cheeks that you’ve always wanted to hold in your hands. lips that are so inviting… and a golden heart that’s completely got you under its spell.

you are so in love.

“couldn’t kiss her,” you mumbled. perhaps jiwon noticed the solemn look in your face since she decided to stop squeezing your arm. instead, her hand slides into yours. comforting you and keeping you warm. “b-because… y-you didn’t…” god, were you really going to do this? now? awkward timing aside—jiwon liked someone else! you’d only look like an idiot confessing now… but then again… better to look like an idiot to the girl you like than anyone else.

“huh?” jiwon, rightfully confused, furrows her eyebrows.

“i couldn’t kiss her because… you didn’t… kiss me,” again, a walking cliché. you hoped that the way you suddenly found the trees above you interesting and how you immediately released jiwon from your soft hold told her everything. “i like you, jiwon-ah…”

despite your gut telling you ‘no’, you looked at jiwon again. she was surprised, as expected. her eyes were widened slightly, her lips half open in shock. your chest tightens. you shouldn’t have told her. should’ve kept your mouth shut. what a way to start the new year—creep your crush out by confessing to her in a very odd close distance.

(well, fuck.

in a good way. it was all jiwon could think about at the moment. she never thought that her crush of several years would confess to her at such a time. she should probably say something. do something, even.

but she just laid there staring at you thinking… was it too late in the day to kiss you?)

with a quivering voice, you spoke. “i-i’m sorry, jiwon. i shouldn’t have… i should go.” you moved to get up, not feeling like you could withstand the feeling of shame and regret in front of jiwon any longer. however, jiwon had other ideas. she grabs your arm and stops you from leaving her, and then her other hand cups your cheek and pulls you in.

jiwon kissed you. her soft lips tasted like caramel, mocha and soda, moving in sync with your shaky ones. you allow yourself to melt, tilting your head and deepening the kiss as jiwon wraps both of her arms around your neck, making sure that you wouldn’t try to leave her again. you feel her hands in your hair, her fingers softly caressing your locks—you’ve never felt so warm and… safe until now. it was a relieving feeling.

when you pulled away, jiwon’s eyes shined akin to the thousands of stars above you. “you can’t say that i didn’t kiss you now.” she says with a sly smirk. her tone was smug and teasing, but you knew with the way her face was flushed pink that even she couldn’t believe she just went ahead and kissed you.

and when jiwon tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and whispered just how much she adored you before catching your lips in a sweet kiss once again, you knew that this year was going to be full of surprises. and you couldn’t have it any other way! as long as you were with jiwon.

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nuviastarsworld · 4 months

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You guys just imagine an au where Hyun-su stayed in high school right, and [name] is Kim Do-Han’s (adoptive) sister, and like as revenge he starts a relationship with her to get under his skin because he’s quite over protective of her (she hates him btw).

I THINK IM GONNA WRITE THIS 🏃🏾‍♀️ but it’s probs mainly gonna be smut probs 😀 so be ready 4 that

#kdramas #sweet home kdrama #cha hyunsu smut #hyunsu smut #cha hyunsu x reader #cha hyun su #cha hyun su x femreader #nuvia narrates…#pls hope no one has thought of this

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kiara-ish · 1 year

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When you have a crush on him and he knows it:

Version - Kim Namjoon

non-idol au.

Did this turn into a drabble of sorts? Yes. Do I regret? No.

masterlist |

Namjoon is the best of all seasons; he is a chilly breeze under the heat of the sun in spring, he is the relieving rain in summer, he is the beautiful flush of seasons in fall and he is the joy of the first snow. You were just a mere weather forecaster and he was a whole storm for a human being.

Metaphors aside, he was the therapist you didn't know you needed until you began hanging out at museums and empty parks and thank goodness, the Starry Night actually began to swirl in your dreams like your feelings for Namjoon did in your stomach.

Highkey, everyone knew you had a crush on him. The worst part was that he probably did too. So when he began actually placing the warmth of his hands on your lower back instead of holding it against air, you knew you were doomed.

He remained aloof when your face flushed red as he casually kneeled in front of you to tie your shoelaces in the streets. As people stared, some judging and some staring at awe, you could only bit your lips to prevent the grin as he looked up at you with a smile.

His friends shipped you two, imminent in the way the only seat remaining in a group dinner was always beside him. This one time when it was a dinner for four, Jimin and Taehyung left in the name of a big 'emergency' but you were keen enough to catch the suggestive raise of eyebrows they sent Namjoon's way. He laughed cutely afterwards before chatting up a storm.

He loved to talk about his interests. You loved to listen about his interests. Not much of a talker yourself, you never really indulged in many hobbies or aesthetically pleasing activities, which Namjoon naturally excelled in. So when the first time you told him about your love for baking, oh man, he outshone the evening star as he stared unblinking, listening.

You loved the city skylines alright and he was fond of lush greens more. When you finally bought your apartment that had a cool view of the city, you couldn't shake off the feeling of something missing. After a day of contemplation and an unexplainably annoying lacking in the homely feeling, you unknowingly brought in a small plant, a potted money plant. The nerves were gone by the time there was a row of small plants crowding your city overlooking balcony. That was the day you realised that Namjoon was more than a person to you, he comprise home and these tumultuous waves of mushy feelings was what they called love.

When the first time Namjoon came over, he was in awe at the plants and you were in awe of his grey sweatshirt that had a small leaf designed at the centre. His hair had grown longer and his sweatshirt fit him more snug than the last time you saw it on him. He was well.

There was something off about your feelings that day; they were difficult to contain. So you stared at him with hopeless eyes as he delicately cut your steak. His eyes met yours once and he raised his eyebrows in question. You couldn't look away in all embarassment. He looked away first.

When the dinner was over, you poured a glass of exquisite wine that he brought in with a fancy name. It was a relief he couldn't drive yet you wanted to offer him to stay.

"The city looks beautiful from here." "The plants make it feel like home." "I never knew you were into plants." "I never knew you were into city lights."

You imagined him saying, "I'm into you," but he laughed and placed the glass aside. You still had miles to go.

The lights were dimmed down and the night sky was never brighter. But there was a spark in his eyes that wasn't just a mere reflection. The spark was dazzling your way more often than usual.

"New apartment, check. What's next? A boyfriend?" "I wonder where is the dealer for that."

A snort and a chuckle echoed through the space until silence weighed heavier. It wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, there was no butterfly fluttering in your stomach nor was this uncertainty that reigned everytime Namjoon came in. There was a persevering silence; not the horror movie kind – the quiet, slice of life kind.

"What do you think of feelings, Joon?" "Feelings are felt." "Not expressed?" "What is felt and not expressed? Mouth can frown and smile, eyes are hollow, they tell too much."

"Some feelings are stronger than others. They show up more vividly then." "Of course, it is love that shows up the brightest."

The ticking of the clock was never louder and every breath felt like a sigh. There was a foot of distance between you two, he slouched against the wall while you leaned on a pillow. The mattress in the middle of your living room was so cushiony that it felt like a dream.

"What do you see in my eyes then?" He stared at me as if he had expected me to ask him that for centuries. Like he was annoyed that it took me nine lives to ask him that.

"I don't look," his words and my heart sunk in simultaneously but he had more to say it seemed, "I'm always afraid."

"Of what?" "Of you reading mine."

It took you another minute to look up at him with courage but he had those eyes, the ones that shone in you when you stared at him. He didn't just know your feelings, he knew it by heart and reciprocated by his being. So when you leaned in, you knew he would meet you halfway.

He didn't go home at all that night.

#Spotify #bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts fic #bts ff #bts rm #bts rm imagine #bts drabble #bts headcanons #bts namjoon #bts kim namjoon #kim namjoon #bts rm drabble #BTS rm fic

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icedmatchatae · 1 year

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Glimpse of Us | KTH Chapter IX: Hear Me Out

Pairing: Problematic Idol Taehyung x Grad Student Reader

Genre: Idol AU, Ex-Childhood Best Friends into—, Angst (Hello, welcome to my angst central), Fluff (mainly in the flashbacks), Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

Summary: BTS’s V has been living a lavished and successful lifestyle, but underneath all of that, Kim Taehyung is far from the perfect image the media and fans made him out to be. All he wants is to relive the feelings of happiness and purpose in his life, but how can he when he left behind those memories years ago? The same memories, he hopes to see a glimpse of.

Warning: this was long for no reason lol, LOTS of crying in a one night, mentions of substance use and alcoholism, brief description of therapy, hints of depression and anxiety, the media is the absolute worse, mentions of panic attacks, a very emotional yet soft flashback, brief description of past infidelity (just want to hug oc :c), very brief mention of unexpected pregnancy (don't worry, it's none of them), insecurities on maintaining a relationship, Seojoon is back ayeee, verbal fighting

Word Count: 12.8k

Chapter IX: Hear Me Out || Series Masterlist

Settling down a glass of water and a plate of leftover homemade cookies in front of Taehyung, you both sat at your futon table, sitting across from one another. After you calmed him down, you knew he never wanted to be alone after an episode. You suggested bringing him home, but he refused and told you to not tell anyone what had happened. So ultimately, you brought him to your small apartment.

You still made sure that the unconscious men were still alive, and they all had pulses. The liquid that the first blacked-out men were on top of was soju. They probably would have forgotten what happened, so you escaped the premises holding a partially drunk Taehyung before someone caught you.

He muttered a thank you before drinking the water in one go and taking a cookie to help him sober up. Only the chewing and crunching from Taehyung cracked through the air as vocal silence was somewhat necessary after the events.

While he did so and stared at the bitten treat, you played with your fingers as you eyed around your apartment. Though he didn’t mind, you were a bit embarrassed showing him where exactly you lived. Everywhere screamed skeptical and empty. You couldn’t help but compare it with his multi-billion won high-security house with a fucking nice backyard.

“Sorry if…uhh, my apartment’s not much.” You didn’t know why you had to apologize for your living situation. It wasn’t your fault.

Looking up from the baked good, he found you and your cheeks fairly pink while doing your habit. He fuddled while lifting a brow. “You don’t need to apologize. If anything, I should be thanking you for bringing me here.”

“But still…you’re not used to this type of lifestyle.” You shrugged awkwardly. “I don’t even have a couch.”

“___, I could care less if we used the floor as a table or you used your hands to scoop the water I’m drinking.”

You nodded, staying quiet. However, you grew more lax with his reassurance, even letting out a sigh of relief. You watched him pop the remnants of sweet before taking another one from the plate. He looked rather functional, but of course, still infused with alcohol. You didn’t really speak after you sang the song together. He merely followed you silently while you said short instructions.

“How are you feeling now?” You asked softly, a tinge of worry dipped into your asking.

He stopped the cookie mid-way from his mouth before closing it. He placed the dessert back down and sighed, “Thank you for saving me back there. Who knows what would have happened to me if you weren’t there.” He pushed the plate away from him. “You didn’t need to though, could have left me to suffer the consequences.”

“Please, no. Taehyung, you were having a panic attack.” You disagreed, couldn’t even imagine not helping. “I couldn’t leave you like that. I would have done that to anyone.”

To anyone…right. The idol hummed, taking in your statement. “Guess you helped me escape from the law, my lovely accomplice.” He quipped with a smirk. You rolled your eyes before a small grin crept on your face. “You should know you’re still one of the only people who knows how to calm me down like that.”

Your lips faltered in confusion. “Who’re the others?”

“My mom, grandma before, and Jimin.” He replied. “I forgot about the song. It’s the most effective for me.”

You smiled, recalling the first time you used it. It was hours before the middle school talent show. The only reason why you did it was to distract him. He needed to focus on his mind away from his rough breathing. It was on a whim, but it worked great and now the song always calmed him down whether he went through an episode or not.

His list was expected as they were the most important people in his life. However, it was shocking that a specific person you thought of wasn’t on the list. “Not even Clara?”

Taehyung snorted as if you said a joke, “Please she doesn’t know anything about calming someone down. All she cares about is her image.”

Well, that was completely out of nowhere, baffled by his reveal. He spoke on it so casually, yet it was like a blow to his relationship. You couldn’t help but be curious as to why he might have said that, but you chose not to ask as it was the least of your worries right now.

Ignoring his comment, you decided to ask other questions that came to mind while you were on the bus ride home. “Before tonight, when was the last time you went through an episode?”

Tilting his head to the side, he stared at the wall across as he went through the folders of his memories. “Like a full episode, probably last year. Short breaths from time to time, but nothing too serious like tonight.”

“Taehyung…” You frowned, scooting closer to him. You kept your palms on your thighs when you kept your stare on him. His expression remained blunt, almost as if these mini-episodes weren’t at all concerning.

“No worries, ___. They weren’t big. When they happen, the breathing exercises help.”

“Could I ask what caused your last one? Wait, how’d you get into that situation?” Some things weren’t adding up. You were getting more and more perplexed.

He paused for a moment, gazing into your irises. You kept a worried demeanor as you waited patiently. The warm light of your floor lamp in the corner shined onto a side of you, cascading soft shadows of your side profile on the wooden ground.

“If I tell you, then I’d have to tell you things that I’m not proud of.” He explained softly, almost frightened that you’d want nothing to do with him. “You might hate who I’ve become.” His eyes filled with sorrow as he could feel the tears welling up again.

You sucked in your lips as you contemplated a move. Before you even made a choice, you crawled next to him before making yourself comfortable and sat, feeling the warmth he radiated. You looked up at his puzzled face. Before he could question, you motioned him to come and patted his lap.

Though stunned at your forward behavior, his eyes softened. You smiled tenderly and nodded, indicating it was okay. You did your motions once more before he placed his head on your lap, laying his body on the ground. Once his head settled, your appendages caressed through his ebony tendrils to soothe him, repeating the action over and over again.

“Taehyung, I could never hate you.” Your voice was so delicate, but held the heaviest meanings that Taehyung heard in a long time. “Though I don’t know what’s going on with you, please know that your resilience grows every day, more than yesterday, less than tomorrow. You’ll get through it.” You nodded to yourself, deep into thought. “You overcame so many things; bike riding, lighting, stage fright, endless training, close to disbanding. You’ve become successful and loved by many, Taehyung. You reached your goals! I would assume you’d be happier.” You sounded so positive, like how you were when you were younger, his little hope. But the familiar light only shattered him, becoming overshadowed by his intrusive thoughts. Only he knew it wasn’t all true.

With shaking lips, a cry escaped from his mouth not realizing that he was holding it in. You whispered caring nothings while you brushed your fingers into his scalp. His body pumping as his shoulders trembled as the sobs continued to fall.

It was at that moment he realized that you were probably gonna find out the side of him he has been trying to hide from you. The side that grew when you were gone in his life, the tragic shit of his life. He didn’t want to tell you, but he knew he could never lie to you. He trusted you.

He will always trust you.

“You say I’m resilient when I’m not.” He began with denial oozing at the words “You may think that my life has been nothing but glamorous with expensive name brands, International celebrity connections, and being loved by millions, from all my “success”. That my happiness is from all of that.” He chuckled, yet there was no humor in his tone. He bit his lips, quietly attempting to stop his sorrows. “But it’s not, ___.” He stabilized his breathing, feeling pressure in his chest. “I haven’t been happy for a while, and…and I don’t know what happened. I don’t know at all.”

He turned his head up so that he saw your face. Your arm hooked around the side of his face, your forearm feeling against his supple yet worn-down cheeks. Your digits were still attached to his hair. Your eyes were crystal clear, shining at him with the worrisome expression you’d been carrying since he saw you tonight. Yet you were getting confused, “What do you mean?”

The waves of sadness, the trickling of despair in his voice, and the tiredness against the hallows of his eyes and cheeks remained evident in the idol as he revealed what he has been dealing with for the years apart. His increasing anxiety and depression, therapy, the band, the scandals and cover-ups, and hurting numbness to his feelings ultimately resulted in his battle with substances and alcoholism.

Though he mentioned the overcoming of drugs and being clean for a year, the feigned chuckle in his voice indicated no other improvement to all the other shit happening to him. He still felt ashamed of what had become of him. V of BTS, Kim Taehyung, your Taehyung, your Hyungie grew up in a reckless brain of disappointment behind all that fame, fortune, and success. The continuous pressure of being this inhumane super idol representative of his national country in the public eye when really he was a human man struggling to find himself and the joy that was once in his life.

Even instances where he almost ran into mayhem from his behavior. If his members, mainly Jimin and Jungkook, or his friends didn’t find him on time, the paparazzi would have arrived to mess up his reputation and possibly his life.

Through the pain seeping out his voice and the straining tears on his face, you could tell how much it was affecting him, giving a hard time to even say it out loud. You knew he hid something, but it was nothing that you expected. Yet you knew how much he feared, how much it hurt him, having the control of his life being taken away by something he loved doing.

You kept silent, listening to his speaking while patting his hair. Your pants were soaked by his tears. At times, he had to pause for a moment to let out longer sobs when the feeling got too much. Once it seemed his story met the end, he sat up from your lap to stare into your eyes with his dull ones. “All this love and support, yet I still feel fucking empty!” He raised his voice out of nowhere, making you flinch. Noticing, he apologized quietly through his pupils. He spoke softly this time, “It’s all too much to handle, and adding onto everyone fucking keeping their eyes on me like I’m some zoo animal or puppet to attend to their needs. I just hate it.”

Stillness met around you much longer than anticipated because honestly, you didn’t know what to say to him. You didn’t want to say something he might not want to hear. He might have heard it before and it probably didn’t work. When in doubt, sometimes silence and listening would be the best thing to do.

“___?” He called your name out so timidly. You slightly nodded, telling him you were still here with him. “You think I’m a piece of shit, right?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at his accusation. “What? No, I don’t.”

“You’re lying.”

“Taehyung, I may have been harsh to you but I would never think of you like that.”

“Why not? There’s obviously something wrong with me.” He countered, not truly believing you. “All this shit is because of me.”

“No, nothing is wrong with you.” You fought back, shaking your head. “Things happened to you, Taehyung. You’re not what those events are.”

The idol kept his sodden eyes on you, hardening by the second. However, you too had your pupils focused on him, almost as if you were fighting to win yet your stare was much more gentle and empathetic. With that, it made him believe the authenticity of the words you were saying.

He softened his look and sniffed as he looked away to gaze over at your corner lamp. “You’re the only person who isn’t blaming me for my mess.” Turning his head back to you, he sighed “Whatever I do, I just feel like shit and get blamed. I feel lost and so tired of everything.”

“It’s okay to feel lost. You should give grace to yourself. I mean, you have been in the spotlight since you were young, so the pace is slower, unfortunately.”

“But how long am I gonna be like this?” He groaned in agony. Tears are physically drained out of him, but the redness pierced through his skin. “It’s been years!”

You thinned your lips and nodded, acknowledging his grief. “You should know I can’t answer that.” Though your answer wasn’t the best, it didn’t seem like he was bothered by it at all. “I know I’ll never be in your shoes and I will never know what’s going on in your head, but I do know how strong you are, Taehyung. You’ve always been, for yourself and others.” He remained quiet. But the dimming within the dark hues of his irises suddenly sparkled faintly. “It sucks and frustrating, and all these annoying shits because people don’t always understand you. You’re kinda hard to crack at times. Maybe that’s why it’s taking longer than usual. But those who truly know the lengths you have to take to overcome this. They will help you understand what you need to bring the goodness and happiness out of you.”

“Will I ever be happy, ___?” He spoke ever so timidly like he desperately needed an answer.

You leaned back, resting your palms on the hard wooden floor. “They always say good things will happen especially when you least expect it. It’ll come when the time is right.”

But you’re here now and you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

Taehyung had an exhaustive look within his gloom, taking in your words. It was true, not many people understood him especially personally. Even if they did, they’d argue his logic like he was wrong for that. So at that moment, he remembered how much you were the one true person that made him be seen. Exposed and vulnerable. You saw the real Kim Taehyung.

With that, you weren’t expecting the idol to crawl towards your form to wrap his long arms around you as he rested his head in the crook of your neck. His nose gently grazed your skin, letting you inhale sharply. Luckily, he was too deep into his thoughts so you placed your palm on his back before fully reciprocating back.

“Thank you.” The vibration of his voice moved through your goosebumps. “Thank you for your words, for saving me, for everything since you came back. Thank you for being here again, Blue.”

A subtle smile ghosted on your lips at the sound of the nickname, letting him get away with it only this time. “You don’t need to thank me. I’ll be honest when I say I hate it at times, but I’ll be on your side no matter what.”

“Really? Even when I fuck up? Or when the members are mad at me?”

“Well, yeah.” He parted away to look into your eyes. “I’ve known you longer than those around us. It’s your word against theirs; I would believe you than them.”

The way you explained yourself had Taehyung’s heart skipping in a fluttering rapid manner. You spoke so honestly, it said it all on your face too. The gentleness and reassurance he knew and loved.

“Of course, it doesn’t mean I agree with you. I’ll tell your shit with the back of my hand.” Though your words were hard, you continued that tendering tone with an empathetic smile that would make all living entities’ hearts melt. But the contrast made the idol let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head while you weren’t fazed at all. “I’m only being honest.”

“As you are,” Taehyung confirmed before biting his lip. He knew how late it was, but still rejected the thought of going back to his house…with Clara if she was back. He didn’t want the members or his friends to get roped into this because that would require him to explain what happened tonight. “Do you think I could sleep over here?”

You looked taken aback at his question, cocking your brow up. “Tonight? Here?” You asked, then he nodded confidently. “A-are you sure?”

“Please? After what happened…I don’t want anyone else to know and bug me.”

“But…” You had mixed feelings about his request. Sure, you had tons of sleepovers in the past but it was in the past. There were certain things to consider with your decision, and most of it had to do with your boundaries and your hesitancy despite your now willingness to fully accept him.

“Please?” He asked again, with so much vulnerability leaking out of that single word.

But after these recent events and the fact he revealed the darkness of his life update to you, all you wanted was for him to feel safe.

“Do you wanna shower too? I have a spare towel, but I need to dig for larger-sized clothes.” You got up from the floor and started heading down the hallway to your room. “I think I brought some of my grandfather’s pajamas by mistake.” Your voice echoed through your apartment.

Though you didn’t explicitly say yes, Taehyung knew the answer, making him grin like an idiot as he watched your form disappear into the hall. He then crawled up to follow you. It took him a couple of seconds to see where your bedroom was located as it was the only door that was wide open with the lights on.

Once he entered, he noticed that the only furniture there was a neatly made blue-sheeted bed and oak dresser. The surface of the dresser was filled with books, a jewelry box, empty cans of Coca-Cola, and various miscellaneous items.

You were living a very minimalist life, he thought. When the two of you were younger, you always decorated your room. You had a multitude of plush toys on your bed given by your grandparents, his parents, other neighbors, and him too. You liked to plaster pictures of family, him, and art, and posters of your favorite artists on your wall, and displayed your rock collection that remained in one corner of your room.

Nothing in this room screamed “you.” It felt very temporary like you weren’t belonging to this place.

Taehyung then turned away from looking to spot you digging through your closet. He heard you let out an “umph” before you sat back on the floor with a red sweater and a matching-colored pair of plaid pants.

“I was right! I did bring a box of his clothes on accident!” You smiled when you looked up at the idol standing. “They were supposed to be donations, but I grabbed them by mistake and just kept them.” You raised the clothes to him.

The idol gladly took them into his hands and grinned. “You know your grandfather is a very tall man. I don’t know if I could even fit his clothes.”

“Nonsense, I think you’re as tall as him now. I mean it has been some time.” You got up from the floor and let out a sigh.

“How is he anyways? How has he been since your grandmother passed?”

They were harmless questions that Taehyung asked as simple curiosity and wanting to know how your family was doing. But those very questions made your smile drop into a sorrowful frown.

Taehyung stared at you questionably at the shift in your mood. It seemed like your brain was gearing up, trying to process what he said. He didn’t think it was anything bad but with the slight thinning of your lips with your nostrils flaring, he felt like he said something wrong.

But before he could even defend himself, you nodded casually as you put back a small grin. “Oh yeah, he’s fine. Same strong, gentle old man. Just been busy with the farm and everything. Just thinking about him working in his old age frustrates me, you know?” You were rambling, and it happens because of three things: you got nervous, angry, or you were hiding something.

Taehyung immediately knew the choices but didn’t speak further. It has been a rough night for him and probably for you now, so he didn’t want to add more stress. “He should retire soon, or pass the farm to you or someone else.”

“Yeah…” You sighed, already wanting to change the subject. “You should go shower. Towels inside the hallway closet and I have a spare toothbrush under the bathroom sink.”

The idol nodded, “Maybe, you should go first. It’s late, and a school night. You also have longer hair than me, so it’d take longer to dry.”

Completely forgetting that tomorrow you had a morning class, you mentally cursed yourself. It was close to one in the morning, and usually around this time, you’d still study but you didn’t have the mental capacity right now. You were exhausted and needed to get as much sleep as possible.

“Are you sure?” You asked.

“Of course, Blue. I don’t mind, you’re literally housing me.” He patted your head as you stared up at him.

Your eyebrows pinched before you formed a pout. “I told you to stop calling me Blue.”

“It’s a force of habit.” He shrugged before squeezing your cheek. “Do you know how hard it is for me to call you by your name?”

“It’s not as hard, you know. A normal person calls me by my name.”

“I don’t give a fuck if I’m not normal or not. Blue will forever be your name for me.”

Though you’d normally get angry or show some type of anger, you were forcing yourself to suppress a smile at what he said. A smile that he noticed, so he didn’t take it as seriously.

“Whatever, Taehyung.” You shook your head before gathering up your clothes to shower and change.

“That’s not my name for you.” He denied.

“I’m not saying it. I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Now he was acting a bit playful, which you didn’t mind. “It’s Blue and Hyungie! Not ___ and Taehyung!”

“You can’t be serious. We had those nicknames when we were kids. We’re nearly in our thirties!”

“Does it look like I care if we’re almost thirty?” The idol reasoned once more. “You being Blue means so much to me. You, of all people, should know how much you mean to me.” He spoke gently when he explained himself, almost sensitive to this topic.

You didn’t know how to respond at that. Though you knew how much you cared about him, you didn’t know how much it was reciprocated back. You had partially low expectations now on how much importance you were towards Taehyung’s life.

So you honestly said, “No, I’m not sure about now…”

The devastation wasn’t enough to describe his expression. A bit of concern, a lot of worry, maybe even frustration. Whatever emotion there was, Taehyung felt worse, realizing the immense strain between you and him. You didn’t trust him, you didn’t know how much he cared and meant to you, it was almost as if every memory made was completely garbage to say the least. At least that was what he thought.

Before he could even say a sound, you quickly changed the subject. “I’m gonna go shower. Just make yourself comfortable.” You said in a rush as you collected some clothes and your towel hanging on the door knob.

Taehyung stood there dumbfounded and exhausted. There was too much to think about and all he wanted to do was not think. He just got to you, he shouldn’t be greedy with this.

While you showered, there wasn’t much for Taehyung to do. You lived in a rather infinite yet empty apartment. He roamed around your place about five times, so he was sure he saw everything you owned here.

Well, almost everything.

He was back in your room, eyes scanning the dresser. Items were still in the same position as he first saw them, but now he had more scrutiny, specifically for your jewelry box. It caught his eyes the most; it was worn down, graphics and patterns faded over time, yet still managed to keep its shape.

He soon realized it was the one his family gave you during a Christmas of your childhood.

The campfire that Taehyung’s father, Jitae, made blazed brightly outside in the back of their house. You, your grandparents, and his family surrounded the fire, taking in the warmth while being covered in jackets and snuggled in thick blankets provided by his mother.

While his siblings, with the help of his grandmother and father, were making s’mores and roasted marshmallows, you and Taehyung shared a blanket and sat in a large woven chair as he wrapped his skinny limbs around you for extra warmth and comfort. It was a relaxing Christmas Eve, and both families wanted to celebrate together because the more, the merrier. The bond was always strong between each other so it was only fair to do so with one another.

“Would you kids like to open one present before Christmas?” Taehyung’s mom, Miseon, asked with a smile. She already had two gifts while your grandmother had the other two.

The obvious answer was saying yes with immense joy in our tones. So when the two women distributed the presents, greedy hands from the Kim siblings snatched them right away. You, on the other hand, looked at his mom curiously when she gave you one.

“___, this is from us to you,” Miseon informed. “Gifts are never enough to show how much we truly love and care for you, dear. You’ve always been a great blessing to us.”

“HEY!” Sungyeon, the youngest of three, pouted. “That’s not fair!”

“Sungie, don’t be selfish.” Their mom scolded gently but her face showed all the strictness, which ultimately shut him up, and continued opening his toy. Then looked back at you with a more calmer and happier expression. “We hope you like it.”

Smiling, you proceeded to unbox your present. Unlike the others, the way you opened gifts was done in a very neat way. Peeling off the tapes on the sides, carefully slicing the wrapping paper, and sliding it off with precision.

Meanwhile, Taehyung shredded the paper.

You opened the lid which ultimately made you confused. You took it out and observed the outside of it. It was another box, yes, but it was light blue with gold accents around the surface, edges were also gold but felt like metal. The edges were sharp and crisped. Some of the gold engraved your initials on the top of the lid. It even smelled nice too.

You found the opening latch, which also had the option to put an additional lock on it. When you unlocked it, the top popped open surprising you in the process. Nevertheless, you were in awe. There were what appeared to be velvet containers and organizers within the box with a fairly decent mirror. But the thing that made you fall in love was the small ballerina pirouetting slowly as a toy box jingle of Swan Lake played.

“It’s a jewelry box,” Miseon explained to your confused ten-year-old self. “You can put your necklaces, rings, and bracelets in here for safekeeping. I know there’s that necklace your parents gave you and the bracelets you’ve been making.” You nodded as you unconsciously grabbed onto the flower pendant you still used and never took off. “You can put them in here, or any sentimental items you have.”

“Thank you, auntie! I love it.” You cheesed at the box. Anything they gave you, you always took it with pride and honor. Your grandparents watched with smiles as you touched and caressed your jewelry box. Taehyung even stopped to look at you and admire your gift, his present in his lap was long forgotten.

“You know ___, remember you can also call me mom.” Miseon reminded you. A while back, his parents asked permission from your grandparents if it was okay. Because you lost your parents at such a young age and the way you seamlessly meshed into their family, they both wanted to be there to support and love you as their own. Your grandparents were fine with it, knowing the trust that has been built through the years but it was only the matter if you’d accepted them.

“And call me dad.” Jitae chimed in as he sat on the edge next to you. You pursed your lips before nodding quietly, still not giving them a clear answer to their offer.

“Why do you want ___ to call you that?” Sungyeon asked with a hit of jealousy. “You’re our mom and dad, not hers!”

Then Eunjeong slapped the back of her younger brother’s head, making him wince in pain. “You dummy, don’t be mean! ___ doesn’t have parents, that’s why!” She meant well, but all the adults and Taehyung gasped, knowing how sensitive you were about the mentioning of your parents.

Taehyung slithered his arms around you before pulling you back into his body before you could even react, “Both of you, be quiet! I told you not to talk about that! Blue is sensitive, you know!”

“Now children, calm down.” Your grandmother stepped in, wanting to ease the tension between the angered eldest and the now frightened younger two. “Be careful with your words because they can hurt others. ___ does have parents, they’re just not here anymore. She knows that. And second—”

“It’s okay, grandma.” You interrupted your grandmother, making everyone crane their heads at you. You finally spoke after being silent, feeling it was right to do so. “Yeah, I know my parents are gone…I still miss them.”

“Blue, it’s okay. Cry it out.” Taehyung cooed, tightening his grip on you but his coddling made you laugh and shake your head before parting away from him.

“Hyungie, I’m not sad about it as much.” You reassured. “Besides, I have a family here!” You opened your arms, showcasing to those around you. “I have my grandparents…siblings…a best friend…” You turned to face his parents, showing all the love you had for them in your eyes. “Parents?” You said it so softly but it was enough for both of his parents to have tears in their eyes.

You got up from the chair to stand in front of Miseon and looked up at her. “I have a mom, but…you can also be my mom too.” You craned your head over to Jitae. “And you can also be my dad too!”

Your reveal made his parents rush to hug you with a strong yet welcoming embrace. You were squished between the two but felt the love they emitted.

Though you barely had time with your actual parents, you still held and thought of them very highly. You remembered what they did with you, how much love they had for you, and giving you what you wanted and needed. But the memories were fading as you grew older, the distance between them and you, their faces were only shown in pictures. It was harder since they weren’t physically here anymore.

You were finally willing to bring them in, willing for them to be part of your life from now on.

Sungyeon was about to protest but Eunjeong nudged him to be quiet to not ruin the beautiful moment.

Taehyung smiled at the innocent memory. You were always well loved by his family, his parents treating you as if you were their child and even taking care of you when your grandparents were busy. In some ways, his parents wanted you to be part of the Kim family.

His siblings seemed to love you more than they did with him, which never bothered Taehyung at all since he got to see that bright smile on your face.

Even after the falling, his parents or siblings would mention you from time to time, wondering if you were ever okay and doing well for yourself. They tried their best to contact you, but it seemed that you were incognito and keeping your distance. It hurt both ends, but at least they wanted the best for one another. You were also a memory for them since it’s been years since they last saw you or your grandparents.

Mindlessly, Taehyung opened the box which revealed pouches of earrings and necklaces and a row of rings. You know the typical items inside a jewelry box.

However, what caught his eye was a handmade craft he didn’t think he’d ever see again.

It was your friendship bracelet, also worn down, whithering over time, yet still intact. Despite a few chips, scratches, bumps, and a little piece of your initial charm missing, everything was there! He couldn’t believe that you still kept yours all this time. He never thought about you keeping yours, he assumed it was gone forever. But this was incredible for him.

Especially knowing that he too kept his.

It was kept in a box filled with childhood memorabilia inside his closet including the pictures of you and him through the years. Gifts, notes, letters, everything that he could bring to Seoul. During his training days, while everyone was asleep, he would read them late at night when he felt himself missing you.

Which was every day.

But after your friendship was over, Taehyung hid all those physical memories from everyone including himself. Though feeling so guilty and ashamed of his explosive younger self, he knew deep down he didn’t have the heart to throw away the box of you. Just the thought of it was a complete absurdity. He refused to erase anything of you.

Even now.

He had a sudden urge to open the box immediately once he gets home, without Clara of course. If she didn’t know shit about you, then she definitely won’t know about that box.

After washing up and getting ready for bed, the two of you were in pajamas. Taehyung sat on your bed, scrolling away on his phone. You went back to your closet, retrieving some thicker blankets. He heard ruffling before looking up to watch you retrieve one of the pillows on your mattress. You didn’t think much about giving up your bed for him, so you were getting ready to leave the bedroom before he stopped you.

“What are you doing?” He questioned, getting off of the bed to stand.

You stopped your track, giving him a confusing expression. “What?”

“Where are you going with that?” He worryingly nodded toward what you were carrying.

“Uhh, going to the living to make my bed?”

“Wha—___! Don’t do that.”

“Why not? I need to sleep somewhere.” You weren’t affected by this decision, but Taehyung begged to differ.

“Yeah, that’s why there’s your bed right here.” He said matter-of-a-factly.

“You’re the guest, Taehyung. You need to be comfortable.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you sleeping outside of the bedroom.” He reasoned softly. “No offense, ___, but your living room looks lonely…”

You snorted, “I think you’ve mistaken lonely for poor.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“I’m teasing, Taehyung.” You rolled your eyes as you reassured him but he continued to look stooped and pouty. You decided to leave him be to walk your way to the living room. But before you can do so, Taehyung jogged up to you and took the blankets out of your hands. “It’s fine, I got th—wait, you’re going the wrong way!”

Carrying the fabrics, he settled them down on the bed. You followed behind and tried to get them back but he lightly pushed your face away. You were taken aback as you glared at him, having the urge to kick his shin but you held back.

“Don’t sleep in the living room. Stay here, I’ll sleep out there.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m gonna say no.” You ruthlessly shut him down.

“___!”

“No, Taehyung, you’re not sleeping out there. It’s rude for me to give you the floor, especially after your panic attack. I need you to feel cozy and secure.” You explained. “Do you still have trouble sleeping at night after an episode?”

“Y-yeah, but—”

“Exactly, so just take the bed. It’s already late, and I have class tomorrow. I don’t want to argue.”

Taehyung bit down on his lips, wanting to counter back. But he knew you were right. He always had trouble sleeping after his panic attacks. Even his doctor told him he needed to be as comfortable and relaxed as possible.

But the last time he felt that away after an episode was sleeping with Jimin, and the last other person to do that for him was you. And with you, it’s different.

“Fine, I’ll take the bed.” He ultimately gave in, which satisfied you. But then he said, “But if I need to be comfortable, then I don’t want you to stay in the living room. I’ll feel unsettled knowing you’re out there.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Why?”

“I just am! I feel bad too, you’re uncomfortable in your apartment.”

“I’m not, I actually sleep on the floor from time to time, intentionally and unintentionally because I pass out after studying.” You simply said, but you don’t seem to get his point.

“Don’t sleep in the living room then.” He pressed onto you.

“Then where am I going to sleep? The bathroom?”

“Here.”

“What do you mean here?” You further inquired, wary of what he meant.

“I mean here.” He pointed down, motioning to the room. “You can sleep on the bed with me too…” Your eyes bulged out of the sockets, making him realize what he said. “Come on, I didn’t mean it like that! Just sleep! Just sleep.”

“Taehyung…”

“You don’t need to sleep on the bed, it was just a suggestion. I swear! Want you to be comfortable too.” He defended himself. “If not, at least sleep here on the floor.”

“Do you think that I would be comfortable sleeping here? What if I’m not? Even after you said that.”

Taehyung’s mouth opened then closed, struggling to gather his words. He didn’t think about that, and now he felt like an asshole wanting what he said. “D-do you feel uncomfortable at what I said? I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention. Really, I—Good night then. Sorry again.”

“Don’t be sorry, Taehyung. I get what you mean, and I’m not uncomfortable.” You promised, lightly smiling. “I don’t mind but I didn’t want to suggest it.”

“How come?”

“Are you really going to ask me that?” You rolled your eyes, thinking he wasn’t being serious. But when he stared curiously at you, he didn’t understand what you meant.

Today was too long for you. However, though you were exhausted, your mind was wide awake, recapturing all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. That also included what went through your head while you were away from him.

You didn’t want to have this conversation yet, but maybe this will make him understand how you feel and your boundaries. That way you’d feel a little lighter and not have to worry about it from now on. “Taehyung.”

“Hmm.”

You wanted to be direct, and as clear as possible. “Were you really trying to kiss me?” More forward than that. “Actually, scratch that. Why were you going to kiss me?”

Okay, he didn’t expect that to come out of your mouth, especially now. Yet he knew exactly what you were talking about. The question now was what was he going to say? How was he going to respond?

He thought long and hard as you anticipated his answer. “Uhh, I don’t know.”

You blinked, “you don’t know?”

“I…I don’t know, ___, or at least I don’t know how to put it into words.” He shook his head at himself, gathering his feelings. “I guess I was… at the moment? Look, ___, being with you always made me feel right. It reminded me of how we were. I’d hold you, kiss your forehead, temple, cheek, anywhere really.”

“So you were wanting to be like old times?” You wondered, still puzzled.

“Kinda? Well, now you know the shit I’m in, so hanging out with you felt like going back in time when nothing was like this. I felt so alive, and safe. Like I wasn’t V, but Kim Taehyung.”

That still didn’t answer your question, especially when you wanted to say that he was going for your lips than your cheek or head. It didn’t matter as much right now because he said something else that sparked your interest. “Our past was innocent and young, we didn’t know anything! That’s why it was like that and unfortunately, Taehyung, we’re older. Our younger selves would have never known what was happening with us and between us. We can’t sink into the sand of our memories. That’s how people aren’t able to move on.”

“I know, but all I want is to feel happy again and the only times I truly felt it was when I was younger.” He sounded like he was begging, but you didn’t know to who.

“How do you suppose to do that then? You can’t go back in time and relive your prepubescent self.”

He chuckled lowly, “I can’t go back, but I can make new memories. Hopefully, they’re happier and less traumatizing.”

“I do want you to have that too. Don’t think about happy memories, focus on happy experiences in the present.”

“Maybe, especially when you’re back.” He shrugged.

“Don’t say stuff like that.” You sighed, not wanting to hear that.

“I know, but knowing how you were in my past when I was enjoying life, helps to hope for those “joyful” experiences.”

You mumbled incoherent sounds before grabbing the blankets to prepare your makeshift futon next to the bed. Slumber was slowly getting to you and you wanted to mentally cry at the time—close to three in the morning and you had to wake up at six to get ready for your 8 AM class, then work. Yup, the day was nearing. Should you skip it? No, that would be a waste on your loans.

As you mentally prepared yourself for the morning, Taehyung got into the covers and cuddled with the single pillow he had for the night. His head could sleep without it.

He watched you place the layers of blankets down on the floor. As he did so, he recapped what you both discussed earlier. Now it was his turn to ask some questions, but he forgot to do something first.

“I’m sorry, ___.”

You finished the last layer before you turned, spotting him laying on his side holding a pillow. He too had the face of defeat, but yet he continued when you kept your silence.

“I’m sorry that I tried to kiss you. It wasn’t my intention to, I don’t know what came over me. Nonetheless, it still happened and it got you angry.” He explained, cautiously and neatly. “I also want you to know how much I value you and our relationship. I never want to hurt you. Even get you angry, but that always happens.” You nodded calmly, taking it all in. “I still want your friendship. I’ll do what it takes. Please don’t give up on us like that. I’m stupid, but I’ve been like that and I’m trying.”

Taehyung waited fearfully for your response. You appeared composed and unaffected, but that was probably because you were so tired to feel any rigorous emotions right now. You just wanted to go to bed, but you knew you needed to say something.

You closed your eyes and exhaled before peeling them open, “Taehyung…if I say yes, there need to be boundaries.” You finally replied.

His face scrunched at your request. “Like what? We’ve never had something like that before.”

“Well, it’s now. Don’t think about the past right now.” You shook your head. “We’re older, so there should be respectful walls between us.”

Taehyung nodded slowly, understanding your needs. “I’ll be respectful. I’m sorry again for trying to do that.”

“As long as it never happens again, and besides you have Clara, remember?” You mentioned, putting a distasteful expression on him. “You don’t wanna ruin your relationship over someone like me. Don’t wanna follow that same route again.”

Your words piqued his interest, “Again? What do you mean again?”

Fuck, you slipped that out so casually, exposing yourself in front of him like that. “Huh, oh, nothing. I…yeah, nothing.”

“___, it doesn’t sound like nothing,” Taehyung said, maneuvering himself to get a good look at you. He rested his elbows on the mattress, cupping his cheeks. He observed your avoidance, eyes roaming everywhere else instead of him. “___, what happened?” He had to think again. “If you’re uncomfortable, you don’t need to tell me. I’m sorry if I’m overstepping.”

You sighed, shaking your head. You finally gazed at him, his stare so attentive towards you. “You’re not overstepping…it’s just…I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Try your best. Say it ugly if you have to.”

“When you tried to kiss me or something, I got triggered.” You tried to find the words, biting your lips as you thought about how to approach this. “I was…scarred in the past.”

Furrowing his eyebrows together, Taehyung questioned. “What do you mean? What happened? Were you okay?”

“It’s done and over, but it still makes me unsettled.” You explained. Taehyung waited patiently for you to continue. Though he stared in silence, his aura encouraged you to be vulnerable in front of him…like the old times when he made you feel safe and sound as you used to tell him everything.

Well, not everything.

“It was back in undergrad, but uhhh, when I was a freshman, I dated an upperclassman.” You exposed yourself. This was something you hated thinking and talking about, but it was also something that needed to be clear and said, especially to Taehyung.

You dated someone?? That surprised him. Not saying he never expected you to date, it just surprised him that you actually dated someone. He had so many questions—who was he? What did he look like? What was he like? Did he ever savor your glory? Did he ever laugh the way he did? Was he ever part of your story, one that Taehyung gave up on long ago? Did he fill in his part?

Then again, you said you were scarred, so that fueled some fire within him, getting irrationally upset about this unknown dude.

But he stopped himself and asked, “Wait, you did?”

You nodded calmly as opposed to his shocked yet steady demeanor. “He was a TA for a class. I asked for help, and it happened. He was sweet, nice to me, and brought me flowers a couple of times. Guess you can say he was my first boyfriend, well, a lot of my firsts…”

Taehyung frowned, his mouth curling down deeply. There were visions in his head he wanted to push away. “So what happened?”

“What he didn’t tell me was that he had a girlfriend.”

“Wait, so he cheated on you?!”

“No, he cheated on her with me.” You said flatly, but your heart squeezed from the visceral memory. You breathed in and out carefully, hoping you weren’t going to cry over something stupid years ago. You shouldn’t cry over that man. “I was the other woman, yet I did not know of it for like almost an entire year. No one even told me, so who knows if others knew this whole time.” Your fists clenched as you pulled your legs to your chest. “Eventually, she and I found out but she put all the blame on me and spread a rumor around campus that I was a home wrecker. They broke up, but I guess my reputation got destroyed. Or even worsen? I didn’t have any true friends even before that. Civil roommates, but that was it. Everyone knew me as the home wrecker so…”

You were also tired of crying about that horrific past, yet it still haunted you. When it happened, it felt like everything was your fault. What was worse was that you had no support system anymore. Everything you did, through college and other hardships, you felt incredibly alone and lonely. Those years truly felt the lowest for you.

The tears escaped without your permission, but you didn’t bother wiping them away because if you did, you’d acknowledge you were crying. But Taehyung wasn’t going to lay there and do nothing, so he scooted off the bed and sat next to your makeshift futon. He pulled you into him as you sniffled and the streams continued down your cheeks, also staining his shirt. He rubbed your back and wiped the tears for you.

“Taehyung, I promise this isn’t meant to guilt you but I wished you were still there for me.” Your lips quivered, breaking both of your hearts at your sad confession. “Everyone hated me. It was so hard without my best friend.”

Yet Taehyung felt the guilt eating him alive. He left you alone, with no one by your side to protect you. He wished he could cry because seeing you in this state would leave him sobbing like a baby, but it seemed the tears and overwhelming events restrained him from doing so. He hated seeing his Blue sad.

“I’m so sorry again. I still feel like shit about what happened.” He said, holding you tighter in his arms.

“It’s whatever already.” You sniffed, letting it go as it was the least of your concerns at this point. You quietly apologized for ruining his sleepwear, but he didn’t care. “It did hurt, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

He did have his reasons, but it wasn’t the time to say so he nodded. “That’s horrible though, what you experienced. I’m sorry you had to go through with that.”

“I was a stupid teenager who didn’t know any better,” You reasoned. “I think I was too focused on the fact that someone actually liked and wanted to be with me. It was like a miracle.” You lightly joked at the end, but Taehyung took it seriously.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Taehyung, I wasn’t necessarily a catch, even back in Geochang.” You told him. “I mean my first kiss was even made into a joke. In general, I never had someone who truly loved me in that sense.” He stayed silent as he looked at your reddened face. You didn’t bother to notice his expression directed at you, as you went on. “When I was with him, it felt exciting at first. Only now I realized how much I kept saying yes to him because I thought he loved me and I didn’t want to make him upset.”

“Why?”

Your teary eyes met his hardened ones before you simply answered, “If I made him upset, then he’d leave me.”

The air grew slightly thick from your response. It was unintentional, yet intentional. You’ve said so much, yet so little. Taehyung realized now that there was much more you haven’t spoken about the in-between gap. While he spoke up, you chose to stay silent. Yet everything that has happened without him, like this experience, made a clear effect on you, and somehow also bit him in the ass.

He wanted to stir the conversation slightly, otherwise, the night will become light in no time. “You were still in Geochang, right?” You nodded tiredly. “Who was this fucking son of a bitch? Do you remember his name?”

“Kim Minjae.”

“Wait, I know that fucker. We were on the same soccer team. I’m gonna find him and bea—”

His response made you chuckle softly, patting his head in delight. Your smile eased his temper, despite biting his tongue. “Taehyung, it’s okay. You don’t need to do that because he got a teacher pregnant and is now working as a fisherman to pay his child support. I think he knows what he’s done.” The universe was on your side this time. You also remembered being flabbergasted but lowkey satisfied when that drama spread from the college to the entire town of Geochang. It was not pretty at all, but it got your name out of everyone’s mouth.

“Still, you were all alone and you went through that unnecessary shit.”

“Yes, but I overcame it. Well, not really. You just saw me cry over something that happened when I was 18. But my skin and heart are tougher, harder to break through.”

“Nah, I could poke you and know that you’re the biggest softie I know.” He cooed, causing you to roll your eyes but grin lightly.

“Anyways, I’m saying this because though we were friends again, we shouldn’t be so affectionate with each other.” You revealed. Though his touch comforted you, you pulled and moved away from him, giving some space in between.

But Taehyung appeared insulted and hurt. “Why? That’s how we always were.”

“Yes, but I’m sure no one else would understand.” You countered, scratching your neck. “Your members, friends, Clara, might get the wrong idea, and…I don’t wanna end up in that position again. Even though nothing’s happening between us and I’m sure your actions mean well, but for my sake. I-I’m scared.”

Was it asking for a lot? Maybe. But you needed to get it out of you. This may be a sudden realization as to why you weren’t as sure about bringing Taehyung back into your life. You’ve seen those articles and comments media and some fans put out for the world to see. People misinterpreted things all the time, or worse, warped them as bait to cause drama.

Though Taehyung understood what you meant, that didn’t mean he liked hearing it. He always took pride in your bond with him, something that no one ever quite understood and instead led to various assumptions. Yet most of the time didn’t bother to care and went along with your day.

Boundaries were never discussed, but that was only because they never existed between the two of you! Although if the memories weren’t mistaken, oftentimes, there were restrictions.

But this was slightly new territory for you and Taehyung. A rather comfortably uncomfortable situation. Nevertheless, it needed to happen to make this work for your strained relationship.

Taehyung sighed before nodding in agreement, “Okay, for you. But can I at least hug you?”

“Sure.” You shrugged. “Friends hug.”

“How about sleeping on the bed?”

“Taehyung, that’s pushing it.” You said sternly, suppressing the light grin on your face. Taehyung always did reason with you.

“Hey, I slept on the bed with my members and friends!” He argued back. “We even cuddled with each other.”

“Taehyung, I’m serious.” You groaned, raising your voice.

Taehyung laughed a hefty one out loud, almost sounding forced which frightened your irritable and tired state. You stared with eyes wide bewildering. “I’m sorry, but I’m getting tired of you calling me Taehyung.” He brought this up once again.

You raised an eyebrow and said, “It’s your name!” Seriously, why was he taking this so seriously? It was getting quite bothersome.

“But you call me Hyungie.” Taehyung sounded as if he was correcting you condescendingly. You were about to throw tired hands, but he continued. “And you’re my Blue. Look I know I keep bringing this up and you’re probably annoyed, but it shows the importance to me. You’re important to me! More than you know, and not doing it creates distance from us, which makes it so weird. I’ll try but I’m not used to it. I know you don’t trust me either, hell, I don’t trust me either but please have faith in me. Compromise with me!”

“Taehyung, we talked about this. I-I’m not ready for that, please understand. Little by little.” You wanted this to be over, at least for the night. It was late and you needed to get up early. “I’m trying, okay? I want to trust you, but again, there needs to be boundaries. I’m not doing this as a punishment.”

“But—”

“If it must happen, fucking just call me Blue. But I won’t call it back. No, absolutely not. I can’t.” You stood your stance, shaking your head. It was too much for you. “That’s my compromise and that’s final.”

The draining stare you offered him with no budge had him fear you slightly. You were always a scary one especially when you get upset with him. It was rare, well before, but it triggered him to stop his whining and give in to what you voiced out. It had to do for now…

“Okay, that’s fine…” He sighed as he dramatically turned his head to the side to stare at your dresser, pouting like a child. He wasn’t completely satisfied, but this was what he could get. Yet the faint grin plastered on lets him side-eye you in glee. “…Blue.”

You rolled your eyes once more before pushing him off your futon. He laughed as he crawled back into bed. “Okay, that’s settled so let’s go to sleep. I’m tired, I have to wake up early.”

“Are you sure about sleeping on the floor? The other side of the bed sure feels—”

“Taehyung, for the last time and I’m not fucking repeating myself, I’ll be fine sleeping down here. Take all the bed space or don’t, I don’t give a rat’s ass right now.” You snapped back, throwing whatever he had to “convince” you out the window. “Good night, okay? If you still have trouble sleeping, you can have my pillow too.” You grabbed your cushion and handed it to him.

“No, thank you. I need you to be comfy too.” Taehyung quickly denied it before getting into his sheets and hugging his pillow. “This is more than enough. Thank you for everything again. Thank you for opening up to me too.”

“You’re welcome.” You yawned widely as you scratched your head. “No problem with that…It was nice letting it out. Haven’t talked about that in a while. Hope tonight wasn’t that intense for you.”

“I’ve had worse nights.” He said lightly. “But man, Blue, no offense you probably have bad taste men.” He joked; the playful gleam sparked through his reddened eyes as he finally laid his back on the mattress.

“Don’t even talk about that.” You groaned, knowing he was probably right. You too laid down and were about to go to bed. “Don’t make fun of me right now, I’m sensitive.”

“Okay, I won’t. I promise.” He grinned, yet you stuck your tongue out to him. “Again, I’m sorry you had a bad first love.”

Now it was your turn to laugh forcibly to which Taehyung grew confused. “Luckily for me, he wasn’t my first love, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t be caught dead with that assumption.” You scoffed as you closed your eyes. Sleep came sooner than imagined that you didn’t realize what you said, too drowsy to notice.

Suddenly Taehyung was energized again, curious about your statement. “Really? But you said you had so many firsts with him.”

“Dates, relationship, sex, heartbreak,” You mumbled languidly, listing while pondering the thought. “First love wasn’t on the list.”

“Then you had a first love?” He questioned.

You only let a groggy noise, but it confirmed his inquiry.

“T-then who was your first love?” For an odd reason, Taehyung felt nervous asking this. Despite being best friends, the two of you never discussed each other’s love lives. Well, there wasn’t any on both sides, to begin with. He knew about your first kiss before and first boyfriend just now, but never knew anything about this. Maybe it was someone within the ten years apart? But you would have mentioned it, right?

Judging by the timeline of this boyfriend, it was when you first entered college so you were still young and most likely eighteen. That could mean your first love was way before then. If he analyzed his thoughts deeply and if the timeline was correct, you might have loved someone when he was still around.

Then the question now was who?

But no answer came from the other end.

When he turned his head, he found you knocked out spreading arms with long strands all over your face. He figured how tired you were, having done physical, emotional, and mental labor through the whole day so he lets it be.

His hand reached out to push back your hair away from your face, revealing your soft and relaxed expression. Your nose scrunched at the touch, but back to its resting state. He watched your chest rise slowly, lips slightly apart with the low sounds of your snoring escaping your mouth. Yeah, you were definitely gone.

He grinned to himself before saying, “Good night, Blue.” His back ultimately pressed down to the fabric as closed his eyes. Once shut, he realized how badly he too needed to rest.

Despite that, the question remained in his head and led to his dreams.

Though rushing this morning, you carefully placed the delicious breakfast plate on the kitchen counter. You woke up a little earlier than usual so you could rush down to the nearest convenience store to get some breakfast for yourself and the sleeping Taehyung.

Well, more so for him. A protein shake and breakfast bar usually sufficed for you. After an intensive night, you assumed he needed some sort of joy in the morning, and what better way than to cook him chocolate chip waffles and cut strawberries on the side?

You never cooked this much even for yourself, but you weren’t complaining. You thought of this as a warming gesture and an apology for leaving him alone in your apartment. Which by the way, you were about to miss your bus ride if you didn’t leave within the next ten minutes.

You placed a metal food net over the dish, then wrote a little note for him and placed it under the cover. You went back to your bedroom to retrieve your backpack and textbook but also noticed Taehyung sprawled out like a starfish on your bed. He held a pillow to his side while the other one was under his head and was placed by you when you woke up. You also added another layered blanket for him. You spotted his signature pout resting on him with his curled strands falling on his forehead.

The sight of his slumber had you smile pleasantly, relieved that he slept soundly and comfortably the night through. Granted, a little over four hours have passed since the two of you snoozed away but you still considered it a win.

He’ll manage around your living spaces without you and would most likely leave an hour or two after. You didn’t have much to entertain him here. You also won’t come back until late in the nighttime after your shift anyway, so who knows when will be the next time you’ll see each other?

But you hoped that it wouldn’t be as long as before.

Taehyung woke up in an empty apartment. Your makeshift futon had been folded and tucked in the corner near the closet. This morning was rather cold. He noticed one of the blankets you used on top of him and your pillow under his head. You did all of that without even waking him; though he was too deep in sleep to even hear you.

Once he brushed his teeth and splashed his face with some cold water, he walked towards the kitchen. Sunlight peaked through your window and reflected over the whiteness of your walls and somewhat empty apartment.

As he scoured around, he finally spotted a metal cover on the kitchen counter. He went over to pull it up, revealing the waffles with melted whipped cream and strawberries. Immediately, his mouth watered at the sight. He didn’t know how long it had been out, but he didn’t care any less. It was close to noon and he needed something to eat.

He then saw a note next to the plate. Picking it up, he read—“Sorry for leaving you here alone! I didn’t want to wake you. I have early classes and then I’m going to work. I won’t see you today (unless you stop by at the shop). Please enjoy your breakfast and I’ll see you soon! :) P.S. Feel better too <3<3!”

A smile crept up on his face, chest warming up at your kind gesture. He appreciated that in you. You probably had a busy morning, which surprised him that you had the time to make this.

Nonetheless, he devoured his breakfast, a little cold and mushy but the taste surpassed expectations. While he savored the last of the sliced fruit, he noticed all these unread messages, missed calls, and voicemails from Clara. He grimaced deeply. All her messages were repeated lines of “Where tf are you?” “Why aren’t you picking up?” “Who are you with? Seojoon oppa??” “I called Seojoon oppa and he says you’re not with him. Tae, where are you?!?!? And who??” “You shouldn’t have gone without me knowing!” and “Tae, I swear to God if you don’t pick up, I’m calling the police.” The last one typically held no threat because he knew she threw that in a bunch of that through the years.

He didn’t even bother going through voicemails because they’ll be repetitive and hearing her whining voice was not something he wanted to hear. Everything was so peaceful and relaxed for him up until now. Ugh, he was frustrated, his mood ruined by her constant bickering and overpowering control.

Right there, he decided to ignore it all. Knowing her, she was either working or probably at their shared house waiting viciously for him to come back home. Thus the idol decided to not go home and headed over to Seojoon’s.

The younger man knew his older friend had a day off—his Wooga Squad had a shared calendar to know their schedules. What better way to spend his day than to bother Seojoon.

“Bro, where the fuck were you last night?” Seojoon questioned as he plotted on his couch with Taehyung spread comfortably on the side of him, both had strawberry and banana smoothies on hand provided by the idol. “Clara called me like five times in panic wondering where you were.”

Taehyung sipped on his drink quietly and casually before rolling his eyes. “It seems she always runs to you when she needs help trying to find me.”

Seojoon kept a glare at his friend, shaking his head. “Duh, because you fucking disappear like Houdini.” He gulped his smoothie before proceeding. “Also I guess she’s more comfortable with me than the others.” He referred to Wooshik, Hyungsik, Sunghwan, and Joohyuk.

The idol eyed his friend, hardening his bothered stare. “Right…she’s not as close with them, I guess.”

“So are you gonna tell me where you went?” The actor settled his drink on the coaster on his coffee table. “How about this? Did anyone else know where you were?”

Taehyung bit his lip, contemplating if he should tell him. His panic attacks weren’t a secret. He was open enough to tell his friends about his experience episodes but none of them ever were there to see it happening. But the idol might as well tell it, right?

“Yeah, I was with ___ last night.”

Seojoon cocked an eyebrow as a wave of questions flooded his brain. But he only asked, “What happened?” He didn’t want to say beyond what he thought.

“Well, we made up.” Taehyung leaned forward, hunched over as he looked at his smoothie. “Uhh, there was more to it.”

“How so?”

“Last night, I got, uh, hammered.” The idol began. “To the point where I got into a fight.”

“Oh my God, Taehyung! Are you okay?” Concern washed Seojoon’s face as he scanned through his friend’s features, then he saw the bruising of his knuckles. “You don’t look too bad, but still. You broke your streak, you were doing so well. How did it happen?”

“Same thing on how most of my fights happen,” Taehyung huffed.

“What led you to that then?”

“I don’t know…I was really sad and hurt, and I hated what was happening with me and ___.”

“But you said you made up.”

“Yeah, after she found me knocking three dudes down, then I threw up and had a fucking panic attack.” The younger man sighed, using his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “It was the worse one yet.”

“Oh, Tae.” Seojoon’s voice softened. “Did you manage?”

“More than manage because she was able to help me get back down.” The idol also settled his drink down before meeting his friend’s eyes. “I was still scared, so I didn’t wanna go back home and asked her if I could stay the night.”

Seojoon nodded softly, going into deep thought. “Anything else?”

“I told ___ about my shitty life, literally everything.” Well, almost everything. “If I wanted her to still be in my life, I didn’t want to hide that part, or whole, of me. ”

“How’d she take it?”

“Pretty well, I guess. She opened up to me too.”

“Well, that’s good…” The actor did his best by being supportive, but he was also a worried friend. “Did you tell Clara this? She’s probably worried sick.”

“No,” He scoffed. “Pissed me off with all her calls and text.”

“Taehyung, you know she’s concerned for you. Even if she’s gonna be more in distress when you tell her about your panic attack, she’ll understand.” Seojoon reasoned.

“No, she won’t.” Taehyung disagreed. “Because all she’ll ask was where I was, and if I tell her I was with ___, she’s gonna flip shit. She can’t even handle my panic attacks, so in my head, it’s like what’s the point?”

“Why are you making this difficult?” The older man complained yet it was said in a collected way that Taehyung never deflected on yet.

“Because she’s difficult and will never understand my perspective.”

“Aren’t couples supposed to have good communication? What’s wrong?”

His relationship never had the greatest communication, he couldn’t lie about that. But for the past year, it has gotten worse despite the somewhat progress Taehyung achieved. Her presence was getting too much for him. It overwhelmed all aspects of his being. He never felt like he had a rest from it. Something always happened and either side, mainly him, got drained.

He needed to get away.

Suddenly Taehyung had an idea, disregarding Seojoon’s question. “Hyung, can I ask you a favor or two?”

“So you never bothered to answer my calls, had me anxious, then you fucking come home after disappearing for almost an entire day with no clear explanation, and now you’re telling me this?”

Taehyung’s jaw clenched, pushing down what he wanted to yell as he continued to pack his luggage. “Fine, you want an explanation—I had a panic attack and I didn’t want to be home, so I rested at Seojoon’s house.”

Clara’s anger diminished went she heard those words. She started looking at him pitifully, which Taehyung never wanted from her. “Oh, Ta—”

“Save it.” He interrupted as he finished packing his clothes. “While being away, I realized that I need space.”

“W-what do you mean?”

He breathed out annoyed as he threw back his head to calm himself. “When I have panic attacks, you don’t know how to deal with them or even help me properly. You just fucking leave while I’m over there alone.”

“W-w-well, I want to but you told me to just leave you alone!” Clara tried to defend herself.

“Because saying the words ‘calm down’ and ‘relax’ to a distressed and anxious person is not helpful. Better to be alone than to hear that crap.” Taehyung responded as he left the bedroom to grab his beauty products from the bathroom, but not without Clara following his tail. “Besides the point, I realized something or I’ve been realizing.”

“What?”

“I know I’m not the best communicator, but I’m getting sick and tired of you breathing down my neck. If I don’t even talk to you for like an hour, I get hit with two hundred calls from you. You were never one to be needy. Why now?” His voice was stable and direct like he had practiced. He grabbed his items, then went back to the room.

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?” Clara scoffed as she walked behind him.

“Well, it feels like it.” He muttered as he put his products into pouches. “I can’t do anything without you watching my every move. I feel like I can’t be me right now, especially in my home.”

“So what then? Is that all that you’re going to say?”

“No, like I said I need space, which is why I need time away from you.” Once he had everything, he zipped up his luggage and pulled it to stand up. “I’m going to stay with Seojoon Hyung for a while. I need this.”

He then remembered something. He rushed to his closet and rummaged through his clothes and shoes before discovering his box filled with old memories. He quickly uncovered the lid and searched through many memorabilia including the pictures of the members and you. Finally, he found what he was looking for—his friendship bracelet.

Old, scruffed, but surprisingly, in pretty good condition where Taehyung puts in on and admired the handmade accessory for a while before he took a couple of childhood pictures of you and him for the road. He sneaked them in his pants pocket, then went back to his baggage.

Meanwhile, Clara was too busy with her feelings and thoughts to even question what Taehyung was doing. “Are you breaking up with me?” She asked in a whisper. “Please don’t. We can make this work. We—”

“No, I didn’t say that. I said I needed space. I wanna be by myself.”

“But you’re with Seojoon Oppa.”

“He has his own things to do, so I won’t even know he’s there,” Taehyung responded as they headed towards the hallway into the living room to get to the front door. “Remember a couple of sessions ago when my therapist told me to try and be alone since I get overwhelmed by the slightest of things?” She nodded. “Well, I want that right now. This is all too much for me. I’m not at my limit, but it’s getting there.”

Clara pursed her mouth. They both knew she didn’t like this one bit. She finally had Taehyung around, enjoying his presence and it was being taken away from her by the same man. But if this needed to happen to make this work, then so be it.

“If that’s what you need, then I’ll give it to you.” The socialite willingly accepted. Of course, either way, Taehyung was still going to do it. “But at least call me while you’re away.”

“Clara…” They reached the front door, now facing each other. One looked desperate while another looked depleted.

“Or at least text me! A simple good morning and a good night is fine too!” She pouted, still wanting a smidge of contact with her boyfriend.

Taehyung exhaled. Now he was taking pity on her, but in this case, she liked it. “Okay, fine. Good morning and good night. No more, no less. I’ll be okay and safe. If anything, call Seojoon if you need more updates.” He patted her head gently, staring blankly.

“I’ll miss you.”

“…Miss you too.”

“I love you, okay?” She tippy-toed to kiss him on the lips before hugging him tightly.

Taehyung reluctantly reciprocated it back, embracing his girlfriend for the last time in a while, “Okay, love you too.”

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