#im too fragile and hypocritical

[cannibal-of-god]

why can people be so mean?

#sitting here crying over an incident that happened 90 minutes ago #and it's stupid and inconsequential to still be upset about but #why? #why does anger have to be such a scary and mean emotion? #why do people have to take out their anger in rage filled voices? #lord knows im no saint at all but i try to get through my days and be pleasant to everyone around me #and i have my bad days all the time and i do snap and take my own anger out on others #im too fragile and hypocritical

[justanotherlifeff]

Possession

[Some of ya’ll wanted an alternative ending to “Love is meaningless” and guess what? There you go. Is it happy? Hell no. I just like watching the world burn lol. There will be a 3rd part with actual smut cause now Im invested in this sooo yeahhh. But yeah, there are spoilers and Sukuna is an asshole cause he’s literally evil incarnate. I put the smut tag cause there are some mentions of sex, even if there isn’t any actual sexual description]

Love is meaningless to Sukuna precisely because he knew it. It was the epitome of weakness. How else could one describe the need to put someone else above themselves? To look for validation, praise, acceptance… those are concepts that the weak search for. The strong doesn’t ask others to bow down. The strong simply kills the ones who don’t. Not because of a fragile ego but because its fun to kill. Its fun to see these miserable humans with their ridiculous beliefs of righteousness crumble apart. He knew first hand the fickle and hypocritical nature of humans after all since he was the same once. Enlightenment to him was understanding that he needs to be above that wretched nature.

However, after a thousand years, he saw something that made him laugh at the absurdity of it. He is the king of curses, the evil incarnate, the most cruel thing to exist. And yet, reality’s idea of cruel jokes seemed to surpass the king of curses himself because there you were, going to the same Jujutsu School as the brat he was possessing, or atleast, it was your reincarnated form. How did this happen? He had some idea since you were pregnant with his child after all before you died. That child must have had immense cursed energy, which made this miracle possible a thousand years later. The timing was awfully convinient too, it almost made him wonder whether this was planned by someone to subdue his reincarnation.

It was foolish, he thought. Subduing him with some fickle idea of love? How laughable. He stopped being that person the day you died, and its not like this cheap copy even had those memories. This version of you had the same personality, the same looks, and yet, it wasn’t the same because this time, he was your enemy. Not that it mattered ofcourse. He still felt the need to own you. To have you all to himself. No, it wasn’t love. It was simply his extreme desire to take what was his. His obsession with taking everything he wants.

It did occur to him, to kill you just to spite on whoever thought it would be a funny idea to make fate play out this way. However, while he never regretted a single drop of blood that was on his hands, for some reason, deep within his twisted heart, he felt as if he would regret having your blood on his hand. Besides, you were more useful alive. He could have his fun taking you, making you remember that past whether you like it or not. No one takes away his belongings from him and he wasn’t losing you, his most precious possession, again. So he waited patiently.

He decided it would be best to not create suspicion on his obsession with you. It would be best to lull you into a false sense of security by feigning a lack of interest in you. That way, you wouldn’t stay away from Itadori, that way he can keep an eye on you, watch you through the brat’s eyes. He waited for over 1000 years, he could wait a few months more. It was difficult for him, as every time you smiled at Itadori, he wanted to kill the brat. How dare you smile at a lowly human like that? How dare you smile at anyone that wasn’t him? How dare you wear that promiscuous skirt, showing your beautiful legs to the world when it was all his alone? How dare you wear makeup to look beautiful for anyone that isn’t him? Your life didn’t belong to you after all. You were reincarnated because you beared his child back then. So how dare you pretend to have freedom when you were nothing more than a filthy human that he owns?

Sukuna is evil incarnate, but despite his many vices, he also had many qualities, patience being one of them. Despite his desire to take over Itadori’s body, bend you over and fuck the freedom out of you, he stayed calm, waiting for the perfect opportunity to take you for himself for good, without having sorcerers come after him to take you away. Would a sorcerer wish to save you if he made you a cursed spirit too? If he killed you, took your humanity from you, made you immortal and tied to him with the proper rituals, would they even want you back? Perhaps he should show you how little value you have to those jujutsu sorcerers. Perhaps, he should show you that he is the only one who sees your value, the only one who wouldn’t abandon you. No, its not out of love, ofcourse not. Its simply because he owns you, he convinced himself.

#sukuna smut #ryoumen sukuna #sukuna x reader #jjk sukuna #sukuna ryomen #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #sukuna

[lostfracturess]

omg nici i just read s&c and wanted to share my thoughtss w you <33

i freaking loved reader’s lil mental breakdown er i guess intrusive thoughts at the beginning during the aneurysm surgery, it was so realistic for the thought process as someone kind of derailing and when she came to the realization that she might be just as much of an adrenaline addict as satoru is i was GAGGED…like satoru really is getting inside her head (and i was doubly gagged when i realized SHE was literally inside someone ELSE’s head mid surgery) and idk if that was meant to be intentional or not but idc good grief you’re a genius nici i can’t praise you for it ENOUGH

Yet, with each precise maneuver, the thrill intensified. There was a sick satisfaction in holding that much power, in the knowledge that one wrong move and this fragile existence could be snuffed out in an instant.

i also LOVED this part so so so much. it’s no secret that surgeons are often to most egotistic n narcissistic people out there, and the way you describe it here, of a person having the control over a person’s life and how instead of frightening, sometimes that’s exhilarating in a self affirming way…love it. and then when you said too bad it wasn’t enough of a thrill for satoru…GAGGED AGAIN. but it’s curious too how you also mentioned he has no control over his own life, despite having so much control over others as his profession as a surgeon. i’m just— god ALL the parallels within such a short amount of time i am so fucking BLESSEDDD

AHHHH i had it spoiled in an ask you answered that suguru had feelings for reader and omg 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ok i love s&c gojo but im SORRYYYY NICIIII I JUST THINK S&C SUGURU IS THE MAN FOR MEEE 😫😫 my heart really broke for reader though, where she was so close to helping someone she loves but suguru got in the way of it all. but i also understand suguru, bc he’s known gojo so long, i wonder if he just thinks gojo is beyond help at this point

There were other battles to save your strength for. And the battlefield of Satoru's furrowed brow and those piercing blue eyes that bore into you was a battlefield that already took all your strength.

im gonna CRYYY also omg if gojo knew about her fathers death day n thats why he wanted to push it back…i will be so soft aaa. WHY IS HE ALSO THE PERFECT MAN i cant i mean i guess he’s not PERFECT perfect but idc i can fix him i swear xD no but seriously having two hot doctor men lookin out for meeee 🤞🏼😫 reader failing those classes is also such a mood LOL. reader’s panic attack was also so well written omg.

Hypocritical, maybe, after your breakdown, but you didn't want his protection, not in this way. You wanted to fight your own battles, for better or worse. Stubborn pride — a desperate denial of how the grief, the unrelenting struggle, chipped away at you.

i LOOOOVE reader’s personality so fucking muchhh. she always stands up for herself even after pitfalls and shortcomings n i love that it’s not a delusional confidence but a self aware one.

"I know," he said, burying his face against his shoulder for a moment. "Just because we can't be together...It doesn't mean I've stopped loving you."

im gonna CRYYYYYYYY why dont u just RIP MY FUCKIN HEART OUT INSTEAD i physically felt this in my chest. omg their conversation here was so aghshdhdjd the ANGST. reader saying she didnt deserve what satoru did to her broke me. but i also love how sorta soft soken this convo is? no yelling at one another, or screaming, or insults that cut deep bc they know eachothers insecurities. its just so in contrast to what we saw w them in the last chapter and i think it’s nice they have this range of communication but also it shows just how exhausted the two of them are because of all the failed history btwn them ahhhhhh. also i cackled so hard when gojo said i love u but reader said i hate u pls xD they are so iconic

omg maki is a real one frrr she is a NO BULLSHITTER 🤞🏼🤞🏼i loved the convo reader had w her friends!! and the line ab the heart holding onto hope even when it’s not the most rational was so raw n real. i’m glad reader at least has different perspectives

i freaking love the science jargon so damn much omg 🙏🏼😫 i have forgotten absolutely everything from my degree but it slowly comes back to me when i read s&c and that makes me so excited. i swear when im a doctor someday imma come back n read s&c and be like gat dayum nici really did her damn research!! xD no but just in general i think the glioblastoma research is really interesting bc its such a challenging cancer to target and has such high mortality rate, BUT ALSO the thing they’re talking ab with the t-cells to create a fake immune response to attack the tumor cells (im assuming thats what theyre talking ab lol) is so cool and i think thats the basis of immunotherapy which actually has really promising clinical trials going on rn for cancer treatment which is so super excitinf!! would i sound lame if i asked you for the papers you looked through for this chapter xD ALSO BLOOD BRAIN BARRIER MENTIONED LETS GOOO genuinely one of the coolest fuckin things in biochemistry PLS AND THE CYTOKINE STORM NIKI PLEEASEEEE NEVER STOP W THE MEDICAL JARGON IN S&C IF THE MEDICAL JARGON HAS NO FANS IM DEAD its genuinely so interesting i get to learn ab breakthrough oncology research AND i get to fuck my fave?!! 😫🙏🏼 god bless u fr

edit: PLS YOU GAVE THE DOI BAHAHA also sorry i just saw u said not to interact w the science material LOL my bad i am just so excited rn i miss studying so bad

side note i love when ur satoru goes “ha?” like he’s so sexy for that and it’s so incharacter for him PLSLDFJH also damn he called us stupid woman AND reckless idiot in one chapter ✋🏼😔 like ok damn im dumb what about it?!?!????!??🤨🤨awwiie stopp im so soft for gojo rn he’s like practically cradling her to sleeeppp 😭😭😭 also PLSSS reader sleepily chanting the research is so real bahha like when u pull an allnighter for an exam n only have like a couple hours to sleep

nooooo omg reader visiting his grave is so sad :( and the fact she never even got to say GOODBYE…..im so sad. i love the underlying theme of grief in this chapter and also ADORE the depth you’ve given to reader sm. coming back here after reading the author’s note—PLSSS do not hesitate or worry to ass depth to the reader’s character!! i get the same way in my writinf where im like oh its an x reader no one cares to read ab the reader’s backstory but no it adds sm more to the story and only strengthens the narrative as well as the romance n connections within the story!! like bae if u want me to have a traumatic past then i’m here for it xD

omg the interaction w readers mom was going so well n cure n then i audibly gasped when she switched from sweet faced to rude at the mention of the research. its so sad how her mother is in denial, but i love how theres a contrast in the different ways that people grieve in a family. “i know she lost her husband, but i lost my father. i was grieving too.” AHHHH this is so painfully good, i love it <33 i really do love how reader chose herself in the end. learning to care for someone that is grieving i think can turn into codependency really fast, and i admire she took a step towards her career rather than staying back in a place that wasn’t healthy for her. but obv i feel for the mom too, it mustve been really hard to be left alone like that. i hope she can work her relationship out w her mom :””) i love everything satoru is saying to her rn, he’s so incredibly emotionally mature, and i really understand why reader believes in him n wants him to be better. he’s a great man that just needs a little bit of saving 😭❤️

OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHH the scene w satoru’s ROMANTIC SOLILOQUYYY my fucking heart he is so bridgerton man coded 🙏🏼😭 like the part where he talks about hsi HEART and his SOUL like DAMn thats on par w anthony’s speech to kate YOU ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE AND THE OBJECT OF ALL MY DESIRESSS 😫😫🤞🏼🤞🏼 i need this man so bad omg shonda rhimes NEEEDSS to adapt s&c pls i’ll pay from my own pocket xD also reader randomly coming up w a breakthru for her research while she’s gettin the most romantic speech or her life is so fuckin funny n she’s so real for that AHAHAH and the futon bit was sooo cute

ALSO ALSO ALSO

I FREAKING LOVE THIS PART i love a little age gap romanceee n this was soooo hehehehe 🥴🤭 like yesss bb do declare how you have more wisdom on meeee now pls fuck me 🤞🏼😫

ughh the way he’s so domestic w reader’s mom is giving HUSBAND VIBESSS LIKE HELLOOOO THAT’s ur MOTHER IN LAW RIGHT THERE. also aw he convinced her mom to try therapy?? i fucking cant 😭 he is just 10/10 man in this chapter i want to sobbb when is it my turrnnn i want to marry him so bad

HELPDKDJHDHD WAI TWHAT HE ASKED FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE IM THAT CAME OUTTA NOWHERE LOL THE WHIPLASH I JUSt EXPERIENCED ICANT HAHAHA

wow i loved this chapter!! so much happened and it was all just S tier writing, S tier dialogue, S tier everything. i loooved the constructive conversations in this one, w reader’s friends, and w suguru, and w the mom, just soooo much about all the characters relationships w one another revealed in such subtle n powerful ways. HONESTLYYY i think this is my FAVORITE chapter of s&c so far, so marvelous :””) thank you SO much nici for all your hard work n care n effort you put into this story, you’re such a queen. much love from me ❤️

okay first, sorry for the late response, but i wanted to have enough time to reply to your message with the same amount and detail that u spend to send me this incredibly sweet message bc u deserve it !! you know, u have no idea how happy this makes me :'')) (but like as a writer yourself, you know the feeling when your heart is basically exploding we you see others obsess over small details in your writing like yourself, right ?? it's really the best feeling ever) <33

when she came to the realization that she might be just as much of an adrenaline addict as satoru is i was GAGGED…like satoru really is getting inside her head

yees, she slowly loses her own mind hahaa. and i wanted to show it there a little bit, that she slowly comes to the realization, that her motives why she does this medical thing might not be as altruistic as she thought and maybe she is just a little bit more like satoru than she wants to admit, oh myyyy hehe.

it’s no secret that surgeons are often to most egotistic n narcissistic people out there, and the way you describe it here, of a person having the control over a person’s life and how instead of frightening, sometimes that’s exhilarating in a self affirming way…love it.

think it's kind of unrealistic to say they just do it because they're altruistic, and i think it also has something to do with canon satoru, like he enjoys the thrill of combat and so does s&c satoru with like the thrill of surgery (and s&c reader too).

and then when you said too bad it wasn’t enough of a thrill for satoru…GAGGED AGAIN. but it’s curious too how you also mentioned he has no control over his own life, despite having so much control over others as his profession as a surgeon.

yeesss !! loved that part too <33 i think that's also why he clings to his surgeries and addiction so much, bc it gives him some illusion of control even tho it's like the exact opposite.

ok i love s&c gojo but im SORRYYYY NICIIII I JUST THINK S&C SUGURU IS THE MAN FOR MEEE 😫😫

ellie, stay strong for our blue eye princess !!! don't let yourself get distracted !!! ahhhhh !!!

my heart really broke for reader though, where she was so close to helping someone she loves but suguru got in the way of it all.

yes, it must have felt like the biggest betrayal. like, of course suguru had only good intentions but when u fight so long for someone to finally trust you, for him to accept your help and then it gets snuffed out in an instant ?? must feel devastating.

but i also understand suguru, bc he’s known gojo so long, i wonder if he just thinks gojo is beyond help at this point

yes, he does think that.

i LOOOOVE reader’s personality so fucking muchhh. she always stands up for herself even after pitfalls and shortcomings n i love that it’s not a delusional confidence but a self aware one.

ahhh, that makes me so happy !! i never know how readers react to it, and if it makes sense to others, so i'm SO GLAD that you understand what i wanted to transpire with her personality :'')) <33

omg their conversation here was so aghshdhdjd the ANGST. reader saying she didnt deserve what satoru did to her broke me. but i also love how sorta soft soken this convo is? no yelling at one another, or screaming, or insults that cut deep bc they know eachothers insecurities.

i LOVED writing this conversation !!! like it's so vulnerable it had me clutching my heart while writing ngl. reader understands him so deeply that she is so soft with him, despite her anger that is still very prominent there, but she swallows that anger to not force him to apologize to her or hurt him even more.

like she has every right to do so, and still chooses different. but then again, the anger is still there and she needs to say it one time, that she is indeed hurt and that it was indeed unfair of him.

but also it shows just how exhausted the two of them are because of all the failed history btwn them ahhhhhh.

yeeess, they are so exhausted at this point, it breaks my heart (i'm the author i know, this is my doing lol).

i freaking love the science jargon so damn much omg 🙏🏼😫 i have forgotten absolutely everything from my degree but it slowly comes back to me when i read s&c and that makes me so excited. i swear when im a doctor someday imma come back n read s&c and be like gat dayum nici really did her damn research!! xD

oh god ellie, you know more about this than i do, so please don't dwell too much on the medical details here because i'm 100% sure they don't make any sense ahahhah.

would i sound lame if i asked you for the papers you looked through for this chapter xD

noooooo, we love a curious mind ahhhh !!! but yeah, i wrote the DOI of the paper in the chapter notes hehe <33

ts genuinely so interesting i get to learn ab breakthrough oncology research AND i get to fuck my fave?!!

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS <33

side note i love when ur satoru goes “ha?” like he’s so sexy for that and it’s so incharacter for him PLSLDFJH also damn he called us stupid woman AND reckless idiot in one chapter ✋🏼😔

i can imagine him so vividly like that !! with his dumbfounded face, mouth hanging open, then he slowly raises an eyebrow and be like haaaa ???? and in his mind he is already undressing and fucking you rough lol.

i love the underlying theme of grief in this chapter and also ADORE the depth you’ve given to reader sm.

so happy to read this :'')) <33

PLSSS do not hesitate or worry to ass depth to the reader’s character!! i get the same way in my writinf where im like oh its an x reader no one cares to read ab the reader’s backstory but no it adds sm more to the story and only strengthens the narrative as well as the romance n connections within the story!! like bae if u want me to have a traumatic past then i’m here for it xD

ohhh and i'm happy to read we're on the same page with this !!

i love everything satoru is saying to her rn, he’s so incredibly emotionally mature, and i really understand why reader believes in him n wants him to be better. he’s a great man that just needs a little bit of saving 😭❤️

yeess, he's such a GREEN FLAG, he just a bit stupid and insane and an addict, but i mean ??? how can u not love him when he says things like that ??? ahhhh

OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHH the scene w satoru’s ROMANTIC SOLILOQUYYY my fucking heart he is so bridgerton man coded

this was his big ass bridgerton moment yeess hahaha. we love a man pathetically in love with his woman <<3333

also reader randomly coming up w a breakthru for her research while she’s gettin the most romantic speech or her life is so fuckin funny n she’s so real for that AHAHAH and the futon bit was sooo cute

priorities i mean ??? satoru can wait ahahha

I FREAKING LOVE THIS PART i love a little age gap romanceee n this was soooo hehehehe 🥴🤭 like yesss bb do declare how you have more wisdom on meeee now pls fuck me 🤞🏼😫

same girl, same !!! like, yes please tell me how the world works, bc i'm too stupid for it, but beware if you ever mansplain anything to me i'll kill u (and now choke me pls). <33

wow i loved this chapter!! so much happened and it was all just S tier writing, S tier dialogue, S tier everything.

ahhhhhh !! thank you so so much again for sharing your thoughts and emotions while reading the chapter, your insightful analysis mean so much to me :'')) i hope u find money on the pavement this week, i'm manifesting this for u !! <3 love you !!

#symptoms and causes #inbox

[pixelatedraindrops]

I’m turning anon asks off for a bit.

(small vent below)

I just want to say right now (again) that I am not a kink blog and none of my work is meant to be kink or fetish based. Whatever I draw write or post is based on the sake of my own comfort. Seeing characters, especially my faves sick and being tended to by another is something that makes me happy. It's a therapeutic thing for me to view or create. I explain as much in my pinned post.

So when I got an anon ask that told me I "literally" post fetish content, it REALLY affected me. I am ace and detest nsfw stuff, so for someone to call the work I post that brings me happiness and comfort, fetish work? I was broken, I cried and felt ashamed of what I did. Heck I felt like I wasn’t safe to post it anymore and wanted to stop… Deep down despite the fact that it makes me happy, my illness guilty passion is something I am actually very insecure about. I've only just started being loud and proud about it now. So I'm still kinda fragile about it inside.

Im not sure if that anon was being hateful or was upset and thinking I was hypocritical because I said from now on I don’t want illness kink of fetish blogs following me. But then I thought to myself…maybe that’s going too far. Because I do follow some kink blogs but mostly for liking their art or writing/prompts. I just don’t want people to look at my work and get off on it. That makes me SUPER unsettled.

But yeah that anon made me feel pretty upset for a bit so I think I’m going to turn anon asks off for a while. So far the anons I’ve got were positive and asked nice things. Until that one. That one messed me up.

So if you wanna ask me something, sorry you can’t hide yourself anymore. You gotta say it to my face with your face now.

And to those that enjoy and don’t think that way of my work at all, and to those that tried to cheer me up on the day it happened, sincerely thank you. I’m so happy the fandom I’m a part of is so nice ;w;

Maybe the sick whump community isn’t really where I belong. I’ll just remain a lurker. I am a whumper w fictional characters, I won't deny that. But there are some in the community that I'd rather steer clear of. (just saying if you already have been following me as a kink blog, then you're fine!)

#pixel txt. #personal #vent #may also take a small break from here #i’ll still lurk tho!!

[putschki1969]

hi puts. till today i still think its strange that Hikaru and YK personal Twitter can follow hundreds of other people but not Wakana. i understand their situation but not even a follow really? am i reading too much into it? it makes me have bad thoughts about their friendship. sometimes i feel down because of that. feel like i can never be at peace until i know the answer. am i just being ridiculous? they are still friends 100% surely right? im just thinking too much right?

Hello there!

I would like to preface my answer with a little advice. This may sound a tad hypocritical but believe me when I say that it is not at all healthy to be this invested in public figures and the things they choose to share with us. I fully understand the desire to get more insight but please don't make your happiness and peace of mind contingent on something that is so completely out of our control.

As for your question: It's very important to never underestimate the avoidant nature of Japanese culture. There is no such thing as confrontation or open discussion. Anything that has the potential for conflict will be ignored and swept under the rug. I was never one of the conspiracy theorists who believed that there was a huge amount of drama or hostility involved in the whole situation but Yuki's departure from Space Craft and the subsequent breakup of Kalafina undoubtedly caused some trouble. Things most definitely didn't go down as smoothly as they could have, money was lost, plans were thwarted and the fragile sensibilities of old men were offended. That leaves the involved parties with only one choice. Save face by ignoring the hell out of each other. These are unspoken rules and people are expected to follow them. The fact that Wakana is still under contract with the agency that everyone else has left, practically makes it impossible for her to openly interact with the others. While the others may not be under strict orders, they would still abide by these rules and keep a low profile. This whole act of ignoring each other also applies to presumably private accounts. In 98% of cases, "personal" social media accounts of public figures aren't as personal as you might think. They are still under the supervision of a management and may even be controlled by them to a certain extent. So even though the accounts are occasionally used for private stuff, they are still considered official outlets for work promotion etc.

There are exceptions of course. On multiple occasions they have talked fondly of each other in unofficial closed-off settings (the most prominent example being Keiko's Instagram Lives). Yes, it's bread crumbs but as long as they continue doing that, I see no reason to assume that they have had a falling out. I cannot offer you anything else but I hope I was able to ease your worries a bit.

#kalafina #wakana #reply #yuki kajiura #kajiura yuki #spacecraft #space craft

[sleepyserena]

Some thoughts about the final shape (the DLC)

on one hand, i have been outspoken about the dangers of online only, live service games, and the practices their publishers continue to implement to rake in the largest amount of player retention and money possible quarter over quarter. I keep thinking to myself, “do i really want to support this kind of business model, knowing the servers could shut down at any moment and that there is very little possibility of an offline patch?” it would be hypocritical of me to spend money on the final shape when I’ve been so adamant about the fragility of digital goods, the psychological impact of FOMO tactics, and the prevalence of “you had to be there” in reference to an ongoing experience like destiny. I also have strong feelings on preordering things.

on the other hand, i like playing with my friends. This game has been the catalyst for a lot of friendships and i cherish the time i spend with them through the game. I’ve also spent so much time and money on destiny over the years that sunk cost fallacy is rearing its ugly head and I’m thinking it’s too late to back out now, I’m already so invested. I also think to myself “everything is limited: time, money, life. Why don’t i try and enjoy the content the game’s offering, and enjoy it with people i enjoy being around?”

I’m also so consumed by completionism and collecting, that i MUST have all of the new things, all of the new titles and triumphs and guns. It’s a problem I’ve been struggling with for a long time, most likely because i tie my self worth to what i can achieve, and this is what i can achieve. And I’m worried that final shape will just fuel that fire and not solve the root problem. Because at the end of the day it’s more content, with more things to obtain and feats to achieve.

But it’s also a story, a story that has been building up for 10 years, the climactic conclusion to the light and dark saga, and i don’t want to miss out on it, especially looking through the metaphorical window.

Yes, $124.99 is (in comparison to other MMOs (even though destiny isn’t really an MMO in the traditional sense)) is a reasonable asking price for a year’s worth of content. Yes, i don’t HAVE to buy the annual pass edition (and i probably shouldn’t, again, because of sunk cost fallacy). The basic edition comes with the expansion and the first episode, which is cool.

I want to be hyped about final shape. I want to join my friends in experiencing the expansion. But im just so conflicted because of my personal morals and stances, but maybe i can make an exception for destiny, but making exceptions just leads to more doubt, and if i can’t take a strong stand on something, then who am i really?

People have been so kind to me recently. I want to return that kindness by being there for them, even in a silly video game. Because this silly video game has meaning.

I don’t know, i just wanted to get these thoughts out there

[hellonerf]

5 + 22 for ame!!!! :3

5 : first song in mind : depending on my mood really and how honed in i am the general themes i associate him with (how personal/human focused im imagining his issues to be in that moment) 🤤 but im gna be cringe and free rn and just say kirai kirai jiga hidai by kuragep is like easily fitting to me most of the time

22 : thing i like in fics with him vs thing i dont like : for something i like, i like when its an outside pov to him and hes like fucking weird in that specific way that really hits my marks 🤤🤤🤤 honestly its hard to explain for me... im pretty open to how his personality can be but 🤤 i like when he's not well adjusted but kind of persistently indestructible in how he behaves? like immovable object/unstoppable force lol...

as for something i don't like, thinking hard on this 🤔 i think. (trying not to come off as annoyingly prissy about his characterization...) ok putting it under in case i do just start to ramble

i don't like when people play into his hero thing with it being seen as a sincerely good honest untroubled thing like i read fics of other characters doing shit and hes something of a cop there and i start passing out really hard. i don't know i think he's generally disinterested in other people most of the time it's hard to put that with a Sincere hero talk without him just seeming like a hypocrite. obviously you could just make him not disinterested in people in ur fic for that but in my preference i'd just sacrifice his sincerity 🤤 also u make him a "cop hero" and i really just pass out so hard. getting up and leaving. sorry i can't do this shit...

well, i obviously like an ame thats ill in some ways, but i don't like when he feels too fragile personally(emphasis on personally)... this feels obvious with what i put for something i like lol. but i mean i like when something does totally destroy him but i need it to make sense in my head 🤤 though i don't mind it too hard since people do whatever mental stuff in their fics it just doesn't do it for me Personally...

this is just a lame and gay one but when he is too smooth suave whatever flirt 🙁 just total personal thing because i hate male characters who are not only handsome but like smooth and loveinterest-like and AME is my FAVORITE so he CAN'T be a CHARACTER TYPE i HATE!!!! (loud banging head on wall)

now i might make it seem like i would dislike a puppylike good honest ame. thats not true i like him like that too sometimes (when i wanna go aw... aw... aw.....)(then i start wanting to trap him in a cage) but i also want his flaws to be pulled to the front sometimes and maybe he can be forced to confront with his honest to god insufferableness or maybe other people have to. it relly depends 🤤 i like all kinds of ame it rly matters on execution i spose...

oh also i don't like when they overdo the deception thing i definitely talked about this before lol but when its master manipulator shit like 😕(BORED AS FUCK) idk. i just don't believe it. other people aren't that dumb. everypony knows you bucking lied. and if he's lying about something i'd like it if it's copium to himself too like im not a bad guy its just like this..!!! this is how it is!!! if ur gonna make him fucked up i'd like it if it's in a miserable world and no human has been or is sane bcz its miserable out here and everyone knows he lies nobody does anything about it cz argh whaetver... people have their own business all the time... i like lived in worlds and whenever everyone is caricatures while one guy is ReallySmart and pulling the strings it just doesn't feel grounded and i fall asleep

#ask game #ask #this one ended up long thanks ame.

[thecoolerliauditore]

more horror movies!! watched saw x tonight. putting all my thoughts under the cut cus saw is saw.

o that was funky.

i like all the callbacks to the old movies that u just know sent a couple of rabid fans yelling abt hoffman and young in the audience when this first premiered.

but even if ur unfamiliar with the franchise i think its still a decent watch? as long as you're vaguely aware of the concept

john's characterisation in this is beautiful. great show of how painfully fragile of a human he is while also being a massive murderous hypocrite. i did feel like (esp with the ending) it leaned a little too heavy into him + young being the "good guys" of the movie but otherwise fantastic.

gore as always is great. traps this time around were.. ok i suppose? nothing to write home about imo honestly but still a ton of fun to watch (nothing will beat the carousal from 6 imo). ill be honest i couldn't help but think about how horribly unfair some of these were lmao especially the first two which had very little chance of survival. also the victims DID complete their tasks, valentina straight up got her leg off and started sucking out the marrow but john's ebay second hand ass machine was too slow it was straight up not her fault 😭😭

im always of two minds abt the saw franchise cus on one hand i do think the bigger hollywood budget makes for an overall better watch but so much of saw's charm was the scrappy indie-ness of it all. shitty editing and all.

anyways uh cecilia pederson is the most woman ever i would surrender all my worldly possessions to her

#random thoughts #cw gore

[ina-nis]

Of consistency and (im)permanence...

When one craves closeness, they can obtain it through several means; and for different people, different types of closeness may fulfill them. There’s not really a one-size solution for the matter.

The more consistence there is, the safer it feels to connect and stay, keep close. This is why so many people keep on doing the same things over and over - this is why it is so hard to try new things, and new people. But as with almost everything, consistency is not (supposed to be) one-sided when regarding human relationships.

As life is, currently, for most people, it is very hard to maintain consistency  that doesn’t turn robotic, where one runs on auto-pilot. There’s no time, and the little time that does exist, is used for a variety of things that might probably not involve “trying new things”.

It is (seemingly) easier to establish consistency and connection as one has less responsibilities - meaning: more time - and that usually means those things might happen earlier in life, other than later (although it is not rare for something similar to happen as one ages into retirement). It might be easier to try new things out, too, because there’s just so much to discover and not enough to keep one from going for it.

With that out of the way...

If most consistency one has obtained early in life was the certainty of rejection from peers, alienation for not being able to “fit it”, attachments that are so fragile they break with the snap of a finger... then this is exactly what someone will internalize for themselves, and exactly what is going to be the baseline that will color all their interactions from there on out.

The only certainty is impermanence.

Nothing ever stays.

So, of course, you’ll try to be holding on to things so that they stay the same. Because that gives you some sense of control, and safety too.

No one ever stays.

Hypocritically, you don’t stay either. It’s too much. So it might feel better to not even start.

You know that’s not the absolute truth and yet, you might feel powerless to argue it. Even your “best” experiences have came to an end. There’s always an end to everything. So you hold onto it. And it’s hopeless.

You wish someone or something would be there, when you are not there yourself. Why?

Because this is what you learned, and this is the “truth” that always surfaces, without fail. You know even if you are as consistent as it gets, it will not be enough because it’s not about you - actually, your consistency probably gives a sense of safety to others, isn’t that ironic? So that they can hold onto that safety, while you feel... none.

#avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder

[zhuhongs]

Theres a certain breed of white girls that adopt the cute pastel aesthetic and aquaint themselves a little TOO MUCH with east Asian culture but not enough to call them a fetishist to their face but enough to not trust them bc u know they hate dark ppl and think our culture is ugly and ghetto and hide behind the "uwu I'm baby" rhetoric and memes and I hate them and I think they're evil.

#thinking very specifically abt the girl my friend had a crush on whos know dating this ugly vibed white girl #GOD it makes me mad she has the worst white girl kboo vibes... no i dont care shes a lesbian!! shes a fetishist!!! #im glad shes graduated bc if i had to see her face idk what I'd do. id probably say amth mean and shed cry and everyone would think im bull #-ing her for no reason but her vibes are so bad... god i just Hate this breed of white girls... ur nit east asian.. ur not asian... #no amt of snow filters and yesstyle clothes and anime adjacent art style will change that!!!! #i hate soft girls... this isnt internalized misogyny.. its hating white women that hide behind their fragility and point to fetished east #asian culture as proof they arent racist.. good.. fuck u autumn #and u too justine.. ur on thin ice.. idk how many blm hashtags u write.. i dont trust u... fucking y**a stan 🙄🙄🙄 #yes ik looking at my blog theme and my selfies this seems hypocritical bc i too have the cute girl aesthetic going on but im brown... #i can dress like this.. as a treat. besides i have mad rbf u can tell im nit like this #but!! im also not an authority on this but it is... smth all right #🐌.txt

[arminsleftnut]

hiii may i request sfw and nsfw hcs of megumi x a reader that reminds everyone of a little bunny?

yes absolutely u can i love furthering my bunny reader agenda thank you for this, also i hope this is what you wanted!

CONTENT WARNING: sfw & nsfw (MDNI), teeth rotting fluff, megumi being a jealous stoic fuck, swearing, sukuna makes an appearance (and is his own warning), yuji is too nice or a simp you decide, gojo being himself, dom! megumi x sub!reader, fem bodied reader (kinda not really), size kink, slight corruption kink if you read into it, megumi can get a little mean, rough sex, oral (reader receiving), mating press, reader is a lil dumb n we love them <3, that being said there’s a slight dumbification kink here, very slight degradation and dacryphilia

i.

SFW

over the log and under the brush... no one can find out how the hell someone like you got with megumi— or, more accurately, how someone with megumi got with you.

a classic case of opposites attract? perhaps. even still, at first glance, the two of you seem wholly incompatible, regardless of balance, and megumi has not heard the end of it since the first time his friends saw you bounce up to him and peck him sweetly on the nose. (that was the first of many times he wished a curse might burst out of the ground and swallow him whole, but still, he didn’t push you away).

gojo, obviously, gives him a special type of hell. the grin on his face when he first saw you, sweet and skittish and bubbly as could be, was nothing short of wolfish. you were such a cute little thing, and even as he nudged megumi about how weak you might’ve seemed, he was never rude to you. that would’ve been too easy, and as dickish as he is, you didn’t deserve it.

no— megumi was his target, after all, and he didn’t have to be mean to you to mess with him. every subtly filthy and vulgar joke imaginable left his mouth, and he was always torn over if he enjoyed the way you flushed and hid behind megumi, or the way megumi’s stoic facade shattered so easily. he’d called him every name in the book after that; not that it’d had much effect. gojo got too much of a kick out of it, and you were just too cute.

“where’s thumper?”

megumi glanced up, brows furrowing.

“come again?”

he didn’t need to peek beneath gojo’s blindfold to see him roll his eyes. and, worse, he didn’t particularly care for the growing grin that quirked his mentor’s lips.

“thumper? yea-high, only sorcerer scared of their own shadow, cute little ass—“

megumi recoiled in immediate disgust, glaring daggers at his friend.

“i get it, asshole.” he paused, seemingly torn between indulging his curiosity and desperately wishing to break gojo’s teeth in. “why thumper?”

gojo shrugged.

“the nose thing.”

megumi couldn’t disagree. you did have a habit of twitching your nose whenever something bothered you; it was one of many reasons why you were so easy to read. (you also had a tendency to tap your foot when you were anxious, but he didn’t need to fuel gojo’s fire).

yuji was, expectedly, equally as stunned when he met you, seeing you peek out shyly from behind megumi’s back and waving at him, smiling brightly despite your apparent shyness. when he’d smiled back, you perked up immediately, rushing to greet the boy with stunning enthusiasm. (megumi had tried not to grind his teeth. he, of course, failed miserably).

unlike gojo though, yuji seemed to understand you two together more than anyone else. sure, it was a little weird, seeing someone as excitable and friendly as you standing next to a man he wasn’t sure knew what smiling was, but when he really thought about it, it made sense.

megumi, for all his nihilistic spew, had a hero’s heart. he wanted to save the world, protect the innocent, and you were about as innocent as it could get. and further, you weren’t the type to fall prey to the encroaching thoughts of inevitable misery many of the other sorcerers did, that megumi did, and it kept him from drowning in them.

you also trusted megumi, that much was glaringly obvious. you bounced around beside him, clinging onto his hand and ducking behind him when you were unsure (if someone looked a little closer, they would’ve seen the way megumi was the one squeezing your hand tighter so you wouldn’t let go, and gently pushing you behind him when he thought there was a threat). as scared as you sometimes seemed to be at every little thing, if megumi was around, you acted like you could take on the world.

you were skittish, yes, but not stupid. you knew your limits, and megumi knew you would be okay without him. still, it was easy to forget, because you just seemed so small sometimes. perhaps not physically, but when you curled into yourself or shied behind him, or when you bounced excitedly or twitched your nose, it was hard to remember how powerful you really were.

this was especially hard to remember when sukuna had gone after you, just to fuck with megumi. he failed, and since then, had made countless comments about missing ‘the little bunny’. strangely, you didn’t seem scared when sukuna emerged. you didn’t even hide behind megumi (and he desperately wished you did).

toji is a complete pervert towards you im so sorry

NSFW

megumi is, at his core, a raging fucking hypocrite. for as protective as he is, and as delicate as he insists you are, he seems to have no issue rutting into you like a goddamn animal.

he doesn’t mean to be rough, but sometimes it’s the only way he can reign you in. you’re so bouncy and so flitty, especially when you ride him, he has to bring you back down to earth.

you’re so easily excitable and sometimes you get these dumb ideas in your cute little head and, as usual, almost hurt yourself. you never want to let him prep you, always insisting that you can take him when you know you can’t, pawing at his belt and whining, begging him to let you ride him.

he usually ends up having to pin you down so he can take care of you, making you cum on his tongue at least twice before you even think about taking him.

sometimes, though, he just lets you do it because you just won’t fucking listen, and mocks you for crying because you did it to yourself

he lets you bounce yourself on his cock, and, as usual, has to grip your hips and force you to slow down because you overwhelm yourself so easily, you’re so sensitive and it’s like you forget that every time

it’s easiest when he has your legs over his shoulders, folding you nearly in half as he drives into you, almost chuckling at each little squeak you let out. then, at the very least, he doesn’t have to worry about his dumb little bunny hurting themselves.

* he always takes such good care of you though, especially after, cradling you close to him like you’re the most precious, fragile little thing he’s ever held (and like he didn’t just rearrange your insides), happy that he can keep you safe from the world, even if only for a little while.

#megumi x reader #megumi smut #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro megumi x reader #jjk x reader #jjk smut #🍒.poppedcherries

[jchnstones]

Ben Chilwell | All Too Well (Part 2)

song recommendation: Two - Sleeping at Last

part one | part two | part three

word count: 2,150

November - the first i love you

three weeks during

~

"stop it! ben im- i'm serious! stop!" you mutter, gasping for a breath between the chorus of laughter.

bens fingers run around your neck, his skin brushing over your most ticklish spots. he hovers over you as you lay on your back, crumpled white bedsheets underneath you. with the smell of lavender lingering, you wail your legs as he moves his pads down to your underarms, his eyes crinkling as his voice booms with hysteria.

"im glad you're- you're finding this- funny." you chuckle hypocritically, trying to squirm out of his hold. ben continues to wriggle his fingers, now moving them down under the oversized shirt you stole from him, tracing his fingertips down your sides and over your stomach.

"im going to-to-burst!" you exclaim, tears rolling down your heated cheeks. finally, ben gives in, collapsing on his back next to you. eyes to the ceiling, he holds his bare stomach, numb from laughter pains.

"your face was a picture." he breathes, catching his breathe. he runs his to tongue over his lips, sighing as his pulse starts to resume to its normal pattern.

"i'll get you back one day, benji. just you wait."

turning to your side, you face him, fingers twiddling the warm sheets. studying him, you notice the way his nose flicks, freckles spread like stars across his skin. he's burning, you can tell from the flush on his forehead, his cheeks. there it was once again, the fire.

"good job im not ticklish." ben says, shuffling to his side.

with your faces only inches away from each others, his eyes meet your gaze. he smiles softly, reaching his hand over to your face. he traces his thumb over your lips, across your cheekbones, jawline. you were right, he was searing.

the moment felt so fragile. blinds closed, sunlight from the early morning bleeding into the room. ben only in his boxers, you draped in his clothes. hair messy and untouched from the night before, the pounding sound of your heart echoing in your ears.

perhaps this is the very moment they write ode's about.

"what're you thinking about?" you question, clasping your hand over his.

he raises his brow, his dimples making a reappearance.

"you really wanna know?" he returns, the hazel colour in his eyes glistening. he's reluctant to blink, trying to capture as much of you as he can.

you nod, teeth tugging on the skin inside your cheeks.

it's written all over his face, he's scared to damage the story. hesitant, he blinks, taking a sizeable breathe.

"i love you." he whispers, lacing the few hairs that shape your face around your ear. he rests his hand on your neck, his eyes desperately trying to find your thoughts in your gaze.

beaming, you inch closer to him, his hand falling from your neck and clasping to your side, pulling you in closer to him as your leg folds over his torso.

"and i love you, chilwell."

for what seems to be a lifetime, it falls silent, the only sound being heavier breathing from the both of you. eyes still burning through yours, ben leans into you, his lips linger over yours. he squishes his noses softly against yours as his thumb cups your face, electric pulses passing through your veins.

he presses his lips to yours, holding for a few moments before pulling away. regaining his breath, he crashes his lips to yours once more, the taste of the strawberry jam from his breakfast tingling on your tongue as his traces over your lips. you push into him, every kiss getting deeper.

you could feel the love spilling into your mouth, every touch trapping more and more butterflies to the pit of your stomach.

finally, you pull away, eyes opening. ben focuses on you once more, lips illuminating red after the kisses he planted on them.

"my angel." he mumbles, lips tugging into a lazy smile.

"always yours." you reply, pupils dilating.

"promise?" he inquires, holding his pinky out to you.

you lift yours, pulling them both together. wiggling your hands as you seal the promise.

"promise."

=

December - dinner with the 'rents.

one month during

~

BUNDLED into layers of wool, coat tugged around your body and scarf wrapped carefully around your neck, you stand hand in hand, both shivering on the doorstep of his parents house.

"are you sure you want to do this?" he mutters, the breath escaping from his lips forming a cloud of condensation as he exhales.

you sigh, nodding your head towards the door. "absolutely. we got this, together."

ben grins. "right then, let's do this."

he squeezes your hand, one, two, three. your shared way of quietly saying i love you.

as the only warmth you felt tingled through your palm, you watch as he presses his finger against the doorbell. the tune chimes through the house for only a couple of seconds, door bursting open as you're greeted by his mum.

"you're here!" she exclaims, gesturing you both into the house with her hands.

she wears a red and green plaid shirt, an apron looped around her neck. mini christmas trees dangle from her ears, hair tucked neatly behind them.

with the smell of cinnamon instantly flooding your senses and mariah carey blasting from the kitchen, you step inside, dropping bens hand. She wraps her arms around you, her skin warm to the touch as her cheek squishes against yours.

"merry christmas, mum." ben cheers, placing his hat and coat on the rack by the front door. she lets go of your hold, skipping over to her son who's now stood, his blue chelsea christmas jumper on show.

you pull your own jacket off, unraveling your scarf whilst watching as she throws herself around his neck. his eyes close, delicate lashes resting on his freckled cheeks as his body steals the warmth radiating from her.

"oh just look at you both. it's so lovely to have you here."

the pair pull away from each other, ben returning his eyes to you. he looks full, content. as though his chest will burst at any given moment with the love he holds for both of his favourite women.

/

ben swills his wine around in his glass, back leant against the kitchen counter. eyes creasing at their sides, he belly laughs at a joke you told seconds ago from a cracked you pulled-and won.

"it's not that funny benji." you snicker, placing the joke in the bin. you unfold the paper hat that fell out of the cracker and place it on his head, trying your hardest not to rip it or mess his hair up.

"look. it matches your jumper." you beam at the boy, silently clapping your hands as you examine him.

"a crown fit for a king." he states, holding his head up proud.

"but every king needs a queen," you comment, pointing to the empty space on the top of your head.

he nods, placing his glass on the counter. his eyes scan the room in search of another cracker, face lighting up as he notices the box full of them by the fridge. he ambles over to them, rummaging in the box before picking one up and holding it out to you.

you grab it, tugging it towards you.

"kings always win." ben chuckles, throwing his arms up.

you sulk, arms folded as he proceeds to announce the joke.

"who hides in the bakery at christmas?" he asks, eyes lifting from the paper, fixing themselves on you.

you shrug, eyes widening as though to prompt him for the answer.

"a mince spy!"

you step towards him, nudging him with your elbow.

"idiot."

another wave of giggles leave his lips.

"my queen," he says, unfolding your paper hat and placing it on top of your hair. he bows, holding his to save it from falling off, on to the floor. "you love it really."

"i suppose i do." you curtsy, holding out your pretend skirt.

"well now we're officially king and queen, we better seal the deal." ben skips to the doorframe, standing under the mistletoe hanging above him. he gleams, fingers wiggling for you to come and join him.

"true. that's a written law i think." you join him, his arms wrapping around you. placing your hands around his neck, you lean on your tiptoes and kiss him. and again. and again.

his wine stains your breath, his mark being left on your for at least another couple hours or so. though you knew you'd be stealing plenty more kisses throughout the evening.

/

"i'd better start cleaning this mess up." bens dad says, scanning his eyes over the dirty plates and glasses scattered across the table.

"i'll help you." taking the last sip from your glass, you stand, bens legs untangling themselves from yours under the table. starting to gather the plates, his dad follows you, collecting cutlery from his side.

hands full, you waddle into the kitchen, placing the washing into the sink.

"you're good for my boy," bens dad says, putting his dirty plates onto the counter. you turn, startled.

"oh sweetheart, the way he looks at you. he hasn't looked so happy since- well i don't even know."

he beams at you, walking over to the sink to start the washing up. moving out of his way, you stand next to him, arms folded.

"weird question. what was his ex like?"

ben's dad pulls his sleeves up, dunking his hands into the bowl. he takes the sponge and splashes the warm water over the plates.

"we actually never met her. they were together nearly nine months, and not once did we see her in person."

he takes the plate out of the sink and places it onto the drying rack, shooting a smile over at you as he proceeds to clean the next plate.

you don't reply, but stand thinking about the reasoning behind his choice. perhaps she just didn't pass the test like you did.

"you're amazing, y/n. honestly, you're welcome any time. you pass our approval."

he laughs, wiping his brow with the back of his hand.

"thank you, mr chilwell. you're too kind. thank you for having me today."

thoughts whizzing through your mind, you exit the kitchen, back to the dining room, in search of more empty plates, returning back to help papa chilwell clean them up.

~

January - the birthday supernova

two months during

"He's so corny having fireworks at his own birthday party," ben insists, eyes glued to the sky bursting with colours.

"he's not even out here to watch them."

you're stood huddled, arms linked together. inside, the house is bustling with people you hardly knew-you're only here because it's mason; he'd never let you live it down if you didn't turn up.

the garden is fairly empty, only a few people stood lingering with red cups in their hands, some with cigarettes burning.

"they're been going all night. he'll catch them at some point," you say, squeezing him arm. "did you manage to find him earlier?"

"indeed. gave him his gift, said hello to a couple of the boys then told him i'll come back to him later. i'd rather be with you anyway."

he moves his eyes to you, watching as you admire the pinks and purple bursts.

the final bangs flash through the sky before it's over, or at least until the refil them.

"holy shit," you gasp, "did you just see that? tell me you just saw that." you unhook yourself from him, pointing your forefinger to the sky. a burning star flashes across the blank canvas, sparks flying behind it. ben moves his head towards where you point, but it's too late, he's missed it.

"what was it?" he mumbles, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to spot something, anything.

"a shooting star," you start, hands rubbing together.

"i've never seen one before."

"did you make a wish?" ben questions, his hand resting on your lower back.

"shit," you curse. "it was over in seconds." you reply, frowning.

"what would you wish for if you could?"

"i'd wish to spend every single day for the rest of my forever with you." you turn to him, your finger booping him on the tip of his nose.

ben blinks harshly, long eyelashes fluttering. his dimples make a show as he scrunches his nose.

"now that's one hell of a wish. think i'd second that to be fair."

you stare for a few moments. oh god, please. you beg to yourself, for as long as venus burns, let me be yours.

as the fireworks continue their bursting in the sky, the silence between the both of you is interrupted, your attention turning back to mason's ridiculous idea.

eyes now glued to the sky, ben takes your hand;

one, two, three. squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

i. love. you.

#england nt #england nt imagine #chelsea #ben chilwell #ben chilwell fanfic #ben chilwell fluff #chilwell #chilly #football imagine #footballer imagine #football #fluff #all too well #ben chilwell #benji

[surprisebitch]

Hey im thinking of playing genshin impact, is there anything i should know before i take the plunge?

It’s a fun game with a great story, but it can also prey on the minds of those not familiar with gacha. So my big tip is to not let the community make you think you always have to roll for the new units or the “new meta” units.

There are two types of players: casual players and competitive players gearing up for spiral abyss.

But both can fall prey to this because new character is cute or hot, or some people will think they are a comfort character. But you really have to remind yourself, it is just a game at the end of the day.

Endgame content can be cleared with patience. Spiral Abyss will never disappear and the rewards for clearing the new floors will only be 600 primogems, which is like only 3 and 1/2 rolls. So spending over $100 just to clear that is not rational.

Okay, now that’s out of the way.. then my newbie tips are:

1. Roll the limited or first banner with everything you have. The ones that use intertwined fates because you can get a 5 star character from it or the one with Intertwined fates. Do not use primogems for the 3rd Wanderlust Invocation banner that has Qiqi on it. Only use Acquaint Fates for that one. I made the newbie mistake of rolling the third banner when I started. Limited banner has the best value cause you will always get a 5 star unit eventually there.

2. Save your fragile resins. Do not use them until Adventurer Rank 45 because you will need as many as you can get when you start farming artifacts.

3. If you decide you want to do the endgame Spiral Abyss (DPS check, timed challenge), then you need to have two teams ready ideally each with the following roles:

- Main DPS, Sub/Burst DPS, Shielder, Healer

4. Starter units can also clear endgame content. Some f2p content creators who can prove this are: Enviosity and BWAAP. Check their clears of Spiral Abyss and you can see that with investment, everyone is viable.

5. All of the 4 star gacha units can carry you to endgame. Gacha gods blessed me with Razor when I started, and I have perfectly cleared all floors of current spiral abyss with him as one of my main DPS. But yes besides Razor, everyone is capable so play and raise who you love.

6. If you end up deciding to spend (because I will not be a hypocrite as I too have spent on this game willingly to support a game I enjoy), then the monthly welkin is the best deal (i can show the math for you, but to put things simply: you get $50 USD worth of Primogems from only paying $4.99 a month). There is also the battle pass which is like $11 USD iirc. Maybe you can buy it once for Serpent Spine which is objectively the best 4 star claymore in the game. The rest is not needed. 

7. There is no must have character. So, if you do not get them, it’s not the end of the world. I will emphasize that everyone is viable with investment. It’s true that some 5 stars require less investment, but seriously, a hyperinvested 4 star can out-DPS a badly invested 5 star. 

Some notably strong 4 stars:

Razor, Bennett, Fischl, Xinqiu, Ningguang

If you get them, RAISE THEM. They are secret 5 stars. Other 4 stars are also great though like Chongyun and Beidou. But I dont have them nor raised them. Kaeya is also a great starter unit.

8. The weapon banner is only worth rolling when you have two fully invested teams and if you are doing spiral abyss because a 5 star weapon becomes less of an investment at endgame and can bring about noticeable gains especially if they are BiS (best in slot) for your main.

9. Explore! Do the stories! Enjoy the game! There is so much to do so make the most out of your time in Teyvat! Do your commissions and spend your resin everyday if you plan on doing spiral abyss. If you’re a casual player then just play when you feel like it :)

This is all I can think which are important off the top of my head and find not overwhelming! May your gacha rolls be blessed ❤️ Ask me again if you are AR45+ and wanna conquer the abyss!

(art by kameg00n)

#genshin impact #newbies #gi #genshin tips #genshin simpact #Anonymous

[tartagliaxx]

i was going to tag every kaeya lover out there but im too sleepy to wait for replies so here @abyssheart @alberivh @lolvivienlol. have a good night and in this house, we love kaeya alberich w all our hearts and souls ❤️ also ew sorry its gross i did this in like,, fifteen mins

kaeya alberich drinks for many reasons.

he drinks to forget. the looks of disappointment never cease to fade away from his tired mind and though he knows that he was reliable enough as a knight, the harsh words from his childhood still remain to taunt him. right, who was he to assume that someone so troubled and vile could be enough for anyone? he was miserable and pathetic at that. kaeya has only known hope as the precursor of hurt because all the times he had hoped that someone would accept him for who he was — scars, estranged roots, and all — ended with him being left all alone in the cold comforts of his lonesome home.

“that’s your sixth cup tonight,” diluc notes blankly though squint and you’ll catch a wisp of his concern. he didn’t need to be on good terms with the man to worry about his imminent collapse, “finish that and get out.”

a bittersweet smile lifts his cheeks up and though he was out of it, kaeya still responds with the same, old mocking tone, “is that concern for my wellbeing that i’m hearing, master diluc? my, who would’ve thought that this day would come?”

diluc could very well hit him on the head and end both of their misery but as he spots the small tremor in kaeya's hand, he decides against it. the darknight hero of mondstadt had ears everywhere; ears that were just as keen as the cunning cavalry captain’s was. the mysterious disappearance of kaeya's lover was enough to warrant diluc’s suspicion so he had gone ahead and investigated — just to make sure they weren’t kidnapped and not because he was being held back by old, fragile ties. though he had never been close to them, he thought that they were honest. he was wrong, of course, because what he heard was not delightful in any sense. no farewells, no explanations — your disappearance was thought to be caused by some darker power but the explanation was simpler than that. you grew tired. you fell out of love. you realized you never loved kaeya at all. who knew what it truly was but in the end, you left and kaeya was once again sinking into the deep sand of agonizing self-deprecation just like back then.

“you look like you want to say something,” kaeya broke the silence that covered the two, and diluc sighed at the knowing glint on his eyes.

“if a person leaves by their own choice, it’s no use clinging onto the memory of who they are— no… who you thought they were.”

“bold of you to say that. tell me, master diluc, have you ever been looked at as if you don’t belong?”

the man in question stills.

“you’re born and raised in mondstadt and you carry a last name that warrants their trust and respect. you’re the kind of man that everyone aspires to be and to be with. to them, you are unflawed and even if they do see your flaws, they are readily accepted and understood. do you think the same goes for me?”

it must’ve been the alcohol or the grievance brought by your absence because the kaeya that diluc knew was insufferable and would never, ever speak to him like this. it reminded him of when they were young — when he wasn’t quite sure what he was talking about but he did know that it plagued kaeya and stole away his nights.

“i am unlike you and a look into my background would sow a distrust that would last ten lifetimes combined. that isn’t me, of course — or at least, i hope it isn’t. they say that one should never judge a son by his father’s sins but it’s hard to believe it when everyone who spoke it are hypocrites. perhaps it’s easy for you to say ‘let go’ because you always had everything but try telling a man who had nothing but the few pieces of his heart that and watch as he fights tooth and nail just to hold on to it, no matter how worthless.”

diluc didn’t speak because he knew he was in no position to do so. he was neither a close friend nor a good source of comfort. if anything, he should be rid of sympathy and forcibly shoving kaeya out of the door but as his eyes meet the clock by the wall, ten minutes past closing, diluc thought that just this once, it’ll be alright to stay for a while longer.

“funny how i thought that someone finally understood me — saw me as someone separate from my sins and from my confusion. i… i really thought that there would be someone waiting for me at home. i really thought that he was wrong when he told me i wouldn’t have anyone but him and his twisted delusions. i really fucking thought… that i found someone who would see me and still choose to stay.”

kaeya looks up to see diluc wiping yet another glass in an almost rhythmic pattern. he thought he’d be chastising him for wasting his time with something that shouldn’t affect him as much as it was now. maybe the grumpy, stoic man had a heart after all… the captain snorts in light amusement as he eyes the bottle that diluc was just threatening to take away.

“do you know where they are now?”

diluc sighed, briefly glancing at kaeya before he turns back to his work, “would it help you if you knew?”

“it was a rhetorical question,” the captain huffs, “i know where they are. i’m guessing you still remember thoma. that kid that used to run around with us? he’s in inazuma now… with them. hah… i don’t know if i should be laughing at this twisted turn of fates. they seem happy — genuinely so. i guess i should celebrate that, at least. would you like to cheer on that with me, diluc?”

“if i said yes, would you finally stop mulling over what could have gone right and go to sleep before you collapse on my floor?” the hidden meaning behind his words need not be said.

“is that the price i should pay to finally see you drink out of your own free will? hm… fine by me.”

rolling his eyes, diluc picked up an empty glass from the counter — the one he was just drying and poured himself a quarter of kaeya’s favorite drink: death after noon. it’s quite unnerving. he was doing so much that was out of character for him to do but the longer he stared at someone he once knew well… ah, even diluc ragnvindr feels pity for the damned.

“can i tell you another funny secret?”

a snarky remark stood at the edge of his tongue but diluc swallows it the moment he caught a glimpse of the faded streak of tears that kaeya was desperately hiding. he didn’t speak a word about it, merely nodding his head as if saying ‘go on.’

“i would’ve been fine with pretending as if they loved me just as much as i did. well… i suppose that goes without saying. it’s easy to lie especially if it’s at yourself. hah… what a person i’ve become… so desperate and so dependent… do you reckon he’d be disappointed in me now too?"

the man he was talking about, crepus, was also the one person who never went back on his word. he never looked at kaeya with sheer disgust and disappointment, only with an understanding and supportive smile. though now that he thought about it, maybe it was because he was gone before he could do so and not because he genuinely felt as if kaeya and his best was enough.

it has never been easy for diluc to speak about his father but this time, he knew just the answer though he, himself, denies it.

“no. he’d tell you that it was their loss, not yours.”

“you think so?” kaeya laughed bitterly because he knew that it was he who was losing, “well no matter. i have a deal to complete. cheers, master diluc, for you who is disturbingly bad at comforting people, for me who will continue to stain your tavern with my presence, and for them who are now happy together, away from me but not from my mind.”

diluc was hesitant to clink their glasses together, not because he despised the thought of drinking with kaeya but because he wasn’t too keen on cheering on his idea of continuous self-pity. alas, kaeya’s bitter smile and awaiting gaze made him sigh in defeat. with a delicate ring, diluc drinks in hopes that he would forget the weak and broken form of the captain come the morning. as much as he hated him, he hated the idea that he was so vulnerable and hurt more.

turning around to wash his glass, diluc realized that it was still he who knew the cavalry captain best. he knew that kaeya alberich drinks for many reasons but ultimately, there is one that stands out from the rest.

kaeya alberich drinks to mourn for what he has lost and now, he drinks for you.

#˗ˋˏ°• stories from lady lei •°ˎˊ˗ #genshin #kaeya #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin oneshot

[4theputas]

Hello, this is eve (@rosaliehalee). I did not think I would ever be returning to this app again, but just recently, a friend of mine talked to me about a topic that hit close to home and seeing as I never got to tell my side, I figured it would be a good thing to have it out in the open, whether some choose to believe me or not. I've got absolutely nothing to hide, as nothing here holds any worth or importance to me. Being thrown under the bus is not anything new to me, after all, and I don't plan on staying around after this post to mingle with the roaches.

The circumstances under which I left were pretty public, and I do not plan on acting like I wasn't partially to blame for them. There were lots of mistakes made on my part, and I accept that and took them as opportunities to grow and become a better person. However, seeing that this "bullying culture" prevalent amongst the fandom has survived and is still affecting others, perpetuated by the very same groups of people as always, is disappointing although not surprising at all. It was around before I joined and clearly remains after I left.

After all, what more can one expect from known xenophobes and hypocrites? People who will tell you to shut up about your lived experiences with racism, and then turn around and accuse anyone they dont agree with of being racist? Weaponizing their identities to silence any petty disagreement, and to victimize themselves in situations where they are far from being so. People who will hide literal pedos in their friend groups? People who will depend on some of you to defend them and then call you a "stupid white bitch" behind your back? People who will send you asks literally SUICIDE BAITING after telling them about your fragile mental health and suicidal thoughts, while pretending to be triggered by talk of it (hello ama, I'm not stupid and know it was you. two people aside from you knew; one was too nice and the other lacks a spine). I'm sure you'll be disappointed to know that I'm fine and happier than ever, working through my traumas with my loved ones by my side, as I'm not pathetic enough to listen to the demands of little, unhappy people and off myself because someone on the internet of all places told me to do so.

Im not gonna go into detail about all my experiences with the circle jerks that are some of the groups on here, but I will say I pity the fact that your need for drama and bullying stems from the lack of validation in your lives. Genuinely. Some of y'all are really pushing 30 and still picking internet fights, and I can tell the rest of you are heading that same way. I'm genuinely sorry that your lives are so incomplete and that you are not receiving enough love in your lives to feel content with them, that you need to rely on picking on others on an obsolete app to make you feel better about yourselves.

I would strongly encourage finding new, HEALTHY hobbies, and to stop projecting onto others. I would also STRONGLY advice against taking part in any of these group chats, because they're nothing more than snake pits where it's every man for himself, and where the most disgusting pieces of shit will hide behind the rest because everyone's got shit on everyone and giving any credibility to whistleblowers will result in everyone's dirty laundry being aired.

Been there, done that.

I wasted 20 minutes of my life just writing this, which I find to be more time than any of you all deserve, tbh. Feel free to slander me, talk shit, call me a liar, whatever. I don't give half a fuck what any of you have to say regarding me at this point. Whether you want to admit it or not, a lot of you know that this is true. It was charity work coming back to wade through this toxic, rat infested sewer, but I said what had to be said.

I hope y'all manage to put down your phones for 5 seconds and go touch some grass. It might make yall more bearable to be around and the people in your lives might actually begin to like you ❤ before pointing any fingers, make sure there aren't any pointing back at you.

#twilight #twilight renaissance #twilight fandom #midnight sun #twilight revival

[lovelypersona]

Sunday (Akira Kurusu x You)

A/N: holy shit im writing for persona again who saw that coming!!! 

Word Count: 3,400+

Summary: You used to be friends with all of the Phantom Thieves. But now? You aren’t sure where you stand in their life as you sit in the diner, stood up once again. 

Commission Me

Where have you been?

Been searching all along

Came facing twilight, on and on,

Without a clue

Without a sign…

The rain comes down in thick sheets outside, the water smacking down on the roof and windows of the diner you sat in, undisturbed and dry. You had luckily made it in on time before the downpour started… but the seat across from you remained empty. 

Truthfully, as sure as the weather, you had expected just as much that he wouldn’t show. Akira, though only a high schooler, same as you, seemed unusually busy. Plans always seemed to fall through… but it seemed he always had time for the other friends he met along the way. Friends that you met, too, and you felt like you belonged with. Friends that were all dear to you- but maybe you weren’t as dear to them. 

You sigh as you run the tips of your fingers against the rim of the coffee mug in front of you. It’s been empty for quite a while, and the coffee tastes nowhere near as good as Boss’s. You were upset that your friend had decided to be a no show again, but you can't bring yourself to be disappointed. As stated before, you weren’t expecting anything different. 

Maybe it was silly to keep this charade going, you think. Maybe it was time to finally face the facts. 

Without grasping yet, 

The real question to be asked…

Where have I been?

You were beginning to feel like a porcelain doll. Fake smile, pretty hair… fragile and right about to break if shoved to the side.

Which, unfortunately for you, this was exactly the case since you met Akira. You could feel you weren’t ever a priority for him. Always shoved to the side… to be dealt with later at a more convenient time. It begs the question- what on earth was Akira’s priority anyway?

You had accepted since that rainy Sunday spent alone in a booth that you would never get an answer and your friendship with the entire group of misplaced misfits would never get better. If they wanted to brush you off… you figured you would do the same. Smile, say the right things, do what’s expected of you at the moment… but not a lick more than that. It was only fair. Why give and give when you are never given back? 

You felt hollow like a porcelain doll, too.

I’m a shapeshifter at Poe’s masquerade, 

Hiding both face and mind, 

All free for you to draw.

I’m a shapeshifter, 

What else should I be?

Please don’t take off my mask, 

Revealing dark…

“Has anyone noticed something off about ___ lately?” Makoto is the one to bring it up during their meeting in Le’Blanc. Everyone exchanges glances and nods and the student council president sighs. 

“They’ve seemed… I don’t know? Less spunky?” Ryuji scrunches up his face in confusion. 

“I’d say less energetic,” Ann butts in, “less… like ___. Like they’re trying to be someone else.”

“Withdrawn,” Akira says simply, the one word like the final puzzle piece everyone needed. Ryuji lights up. 

“Yeah, that’s it!” And then he dims down again. “But why?” 

“You don’t think something happened, do you?” Futaba fidgets in her spot, frowning and Makoto softly rubs her back. 

“It’s possible,” she sighs. “But I don’t know what it could be.”

Yusuke hums, a contemplative look on his face as he cups his cheek. “They don’t have family troubles, do they?”

“I don’t know a lot about their home life…” Akira says, and everyone else seems to feel the same. 

“Well, what do you guys know?” Morgana looks skeptically across the room, stretching his back lazily on the table. By now, he’s expected an answer, but as he looks at the group, he sees the lost expression everyone wears. Morgana’s ears droop back. “...I think that’s the issue.” 

Indeed. 

Moments of calm

Nothing left to be found 

A mirror right in front of me; 

That’s where I find an empty glass

Reflecting the sad truth,

It’s telling words not to be told...

Your grades were never the best, but they haven’t been getting better. They’ve taken a long steep dive into No Coming Back- This is Bad territory, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You never really cared about school what with their corrupt system and unfair teachers anyway- you only came for your friends. 

But you don’t really have friends anymore, so… 

You don’t know why you keep going to school if it’s only to look out the window and fail tests and wish you were anywhere else but there- seeing the people you love, being in their reach, and yet never being spared a glance. 

Home isn’t much better either. Your father basically hates you, always has, and he hates your grades- he thinks you’re a failure and he makes sure you know it every time you come home. 

You know you’re a failure.

For a second, you thought you weren’t. You thought, hey, I can do this. I can be someone- something-- if I can be with them.

But they’re gone, and they took a sacred part of you with them, so now you’re stumbling and trying to piece yourself back together. 

But you have no idea how.

I need the mask.

You don’t really care for Sundays. School isn’t in, which means you can stay home with your unhappy father or you can go outside and be all by your lonesome. Of course, the answer is always to go outside- you can’t stand the stiff and horrid energy your father gives, making anxiety swirl in your stomach all day. 

You’re wondering where you could possibly spend your day when an unexpected ting comes from your phone. 

Even more unexpectedly, it’s from Akira.

Akira: Are you busy today? 

You purse your lips and wonder what he could possibly want. 

You: Why?

---

Akira and Morgana sigh at your response. “That’s not really a good sign, is it?” The cat looks worriedly at the phone and Akira frowns. No, it’s not, but at least you replied, right?

“Just keep trying,” he huffs and types on the keyboard, trying again.

Akira: I wanted to hang out, all of us. Morgana misses you.

Said cat smacks at his hand, claws out and all and Akira yelps. “What?!”

“You can’t even give them the simple knowledge that you miss them, too?!” 

“Well-”

The phone buzzes, taking his attention away from his angry partner. 

You: Oh. I don’t know, don’t you guys hang out a lot? I don’t want to intrude.

You: If you wanted to hang out with someone, you should ask the people you really want to see.

Needless to say, his heart sinks. 

---

Akira: I asked you because I want to see you. I’m sorry I haven’t lately. 

You: Do you even remember last Sunday?

Akira: Why?

You: Then you don’t. You wanted to ‘hang out’ then too, but not with me. You had time for everyone else, but couldn’t even give me a message to stop waiting for you in the diner. 

You: Stop acting like you care when you don’t.

Sent at 9:33am.

---

There’s a hot, sizzling, awful feeling inside your stomach that reminds you of anger as you shove your phone in your pocket and continue to walk aimlessly around Shibuya- but with a lot more power in your steps than before. There’s another feeling besides that, just beneath the anger- a watery, upset and guilty feeling. You know you shouldn’t have snapped. 

How unlike you, right? 

You have to remember to play the part, don’t you? Act like you don’t care, act as a friend, act like you’re okay, act, act, act act act act- 

Your phone is buzzing but you can’t bring yourself to look at it as you- unknowingly- make your path to the diner and inside. You aren’t even aware that you’ve ordered a coffee until the kind waitress with sympathetic eyes places it down in front of you. 

A watery, broken sigh escapes you as you hide your face in your hands, trying to quell down your crying, but you can’t. Silently you weep alone in the corner of the diner, shoulders shaking and composure breaking. 

I’m a shapeshifter, 

Chained down to my core. 

Please don’t take off my mask, 

My place to hide…

“Why’d you call a meeting so early?” Ryuji yawns from his place on Akira’s couch. Futaba doesn’t look much better, more or less falling asleep as she leans against the blonde. Makoto rolls her eyes. 

“It’s 10.”

“Way too early,” Futaba groans, her eyes drooping before Akira smacks the table. The sound is enough to wake everyone up, standing alert and ready as they look to their leader. He drops his phone on the table, free for everyone to see as he frowns deeply. 

“We have a problem,” is all he says. 

It doesn’t take long for everyone to read it and for the facts to sink in. “Last Sunday…” Haru speaks. “It was raining, wasn’t it?” 

“Which means we probably went to Mementos…” Makoto raises a hand to her forehead, a guilty look on her face. 

“What do we do?” Ann questions, nervously tugging on her pigtails. “I… don’t think this is going to be easy.”

“The fact we barely know anything real about them and we still managed to let them down isn’t very encouraging,” Yusuke says. 

“I hate to be the one who says it,” Ryuji stiffens up, “but what can we do? Mementos, palaces… it’s bigger than them. We have to do this. We can’t help that they aren’t a part of it.” 

Everyone glares at him, but only because they know that he’s right. Except for one.

“You’re all hypocrites,” Akira hisses through his teeth, his expression furious as he gestures to his messages on the phone. “You all make time for someone! Makoto, you still talk to Eiko, and Ann still makes time to visit Shiho!” The leader angrily pockets his phone. “We all have somebody outside of this- this thing we’re trying to do. I thought you all cared for ___. Are they really so easy to push aside?” 

And yet, something curls unsteady in his stomach. Whispers in his ear, are you free of blame? Didn’t you do the same? Wasn’t it so easy to forget they were ever around?

Akira feels sick. With himself and with his friends. He knows it’s probably just the stress of school and the deadline- but their implications toward their friendship with ____ just--- he couldn’t believe it. 

“I’m going to go see them. I’m going to fix this. They deserve more than what we’ve been giving them.” 

What he has been giving them.

——

Alone in the diner, you begin to dwell on the past. It’s something you do a lot because it’s easy- the present is so sad and hard, so you’d rather think about another time when things were better. You still remember how you met Akira- and by meeting him, you eventually met everyone else. 

He had been studying in the library. Makoto was there too, she always was, but she had a fine way of tuning everyone out as she absorbed herself in her studies. She didn’t hear the relentless whispering from all around the room- all targeted at the new boy. But you did. 

How can anyone focus with all this noise? You watch him carefully- it’s a little hard since he’s hidden behind a cubby, and you feel a little creepy for trying so hard- but you want to know if he’s bothered. Does he notice how people talk to him? How can he stand it?

Do you think he’s studying, or do you think he’s planning his next crime?

The voice reaches out a little more than the rest- when you glare at the person it came from, they don’t seem to notice or care. And then you look back at Akira- you notice how his pen has stopped moving and his shoulders are stiff. 

So he noticed it, then. 

You knew what it was like to be rumored about and bullied. It’s not hard to become the butt of the joke in school- kids are judgemental and mean, it’s just what they do. But this seems too unfair… can’t you do something?

Without realizing it, you’ve walked up to Akira’s cubby and tapped on his shoulder. He merely looks up at you, a concerned look in his eye that you don’t blame him for.

“Hey, if you want to study without any noise…” You slowly start, “I know that the club room on this floor is empty right now.” 

There’s a nervous beat in your chest as you offer this to him. You hope he doesn’t take it the wrong way- you don’t want to get rid of him, you just want to help. You readjust your school bag on your shoulder as he refuses to respond. “Anyway, that’s where I’m going. You’re free to use it, too, if you need to.” 

Surprisingly, he stands up immediately, gathering the loose books in the cubby and putting them in his own bag. You wonder for a second if he’s about to dash off before he turns to you, a sincere look on his face. 

“Thank you. I’d like to go somewhere quiet.”

And that’s how it all started- simple as that. An act of kindness for your schoolmate turned into frequent study sessions in the empty club room, which gradually filled up with more people as the months went by. That’s how your friendship with them all started. It wasn’t the most exciting story, but you look back on that day and the ones it followed with a sad smile. 

The club room is no longer filled with the rowdy group after school. Eventually, it was just you- and then you couldn’t bear to be there alone anymore, and the club room became abandoned and cold. 

Thinking about it makes you want to cry again- but you think you’ve worried the poor waitress serving you enough today. It’s already a little past noon, hours flying by without you noticing it, and you should probably head home for the day. Nothing is waiting for you here. 

As you call the waitress and fumble for your wallet, the door of the diner slams open- hard- catching everyone’s attention as a dark-haired boy rushes through. Your eyes are wide as you realize who it is.

It’s Akira, and rather abruptly, he heads right for you and sits in the booth seat across from you. His cheeks are flushed and hair is unusually wild as if he’d been running, but he grins at the waitress even as he’s out of breath. “I’ll have a coffee, please,” he says. 

“O-okay,” she’s about as confused as everyone else, including you, but she hurriedly walks away with Akira’s order and the people in the diner collectively begin to mind their own business. 

Now it’s you and him- in the diner sat in a booth, on a Sunday- exactly what you were supposed to be doing before. But this time, it’s not raining. 

“You look like you ran a marathon,” for some reason this is the first thing you can think to say. Akira laughs, subtly fixing his glasses and smoothing out his hair as he does. You didn’t mean it in a bad way- he looks handsome either way. 

“You weren’t answering your phone, so I just ran everywhere I thought you might be until I found you.” 

Right. You had put your phone on silent. Wiggling it out of your pocket, as soon as the screen turns on you see dozens of messages, all from Akira. You instantly feel bad, but before you can say anything, Akira’s hand reaches across the table and covers your phone, forcing you to put it down. 

“I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I get it. I, uh,” he stutters, “I wouldn’t want to answer me either if I were you.”

“What are you doing here, Kurusu?” You ask him before you don’t have the guts anymore. Being here with him… It makes you anxious. You forgot what it was like to talk to him. 

Your choice in name visibly upsets him, but he doesn’t say anything about it. You feel it’s appropriate- you hadn’t talked in such a long time, you no longer felt that you should use his given name. It doesn’t feel right. 

“I wanted to see you,” Akira says. The waitress suddenly appears with his order, not saying anything as she quickly leaves after his quiet ‘thank you’, and then he continues. “I wanted to apologize for not being around lately… We’ve all noticed that you’ve been acting differently- but- we didn’t do anything. And I’m sorry.”

“Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better,” you frown, your eyes stinging as you look at the table. 

“I know it doesn’t… but I needed to say it. And I wanted… to spend today with you, if you’d let me. I want to fix it.”

You know he’s sincere- Akira doesn’t lie, not often anyway. He doesn’t lie to you- to his friends. Immediately, you want to say yes- please be my friend again, please make it feel better. 

But you can’t. 

“I can’t,” you say. “I… it doesn’t work like that. I can’t be your friend again while knowing I might not be your friend tomorrow, the next day, or next week… You just disappear, Kurusu, you all do. You all disappear and I don’t know why, but I can’t stand it.” Your hands wring together on top of the table nervously, your heart beating a bit too fast. You hate admitting it to him, but you can’t deny it anymore- whatever they’re doing, you’re not a part of it. It’s so painfully obvious that they don’t trust you, and it makes you feel like shit. 

Akira seems to be at a loss for words. The two of you sit in an upsetting silence- you want to apologize and make him feel better, but you can’t do that anymore, so you stay quiet. 

“Every… every Sunday,” Akira starts. You look up at him slowly. “Every Sunday, I’ll be here. And I can’t promise I can always bring everyone with me, but I’ll… I’ll be here. All day.” 

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” you sigh and he quickly shakes his head. 

“I do mean it. I told you- I want to fix it.” 

His hand reaches out again, softly grasping one of your own clammy hands. “I can’t tell you exactly what we’re doing… But I can tell you that the group and I… we’re doing something, and it’s dangerous. It’s exhausting. And I don’t want you to be a part of it because I don’t want you to get hurt.”

What… on earth does that mean? Your chest feels heavy as you hold his hand back, worry in your eyes. What are they doing that would make him say that- make him look so upset and tense?

“But I still want to be friends with you- you’re dear to me. I don’t want to lose you because I made the mistake of getting caught up in other things.”

You’re dear to me. 

Those words seem to break you apart. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry again today, but the tears fall before you can even catch them. You sniffle pathetically, holding Akira’s hand tighter as you cry. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. Before you realize what’s happening, Akira is standing up, moving around the table so he can sit beside you, still holding your hand. 

“Don’t be.” He whispers, his other arm wrapping around you and holding you against him. 

And it’s been so, so long since you felt this wanted- it breaks you all over again and you continue to cry, basked in the warmth that is Akira as he refuses to let you go. “Every Sunday?” You ask him, quiet and meek. A part of you is embarrassed to have him see you cry like this, but most of you is too overwhelmed to care. 

“Every Sunday,” he promises. And even though maybe you shouldn’t… you believe him.

#ayyydyadg #its not a request but im burnt out with persona so im trying to finish these old stories in my google doc so i can get inspired again #gaaaah #akira kurusu #akira x reader #akira kurusu x reader #ren amamiya #akira/ren #Ren Amamiya x Reader #ren amamiya x you #ren x reader #persona 5 #persona 5 x reader #persona 5 imagines #persona 5 reader insert #p5 #p5 x reader #p5 reader insert #p5 imagine #joker p5 #joker persona 5