#im so mad i could fucking cry

[randomositycat]

I need a low stress environment SO BADLY right now

NO STRESS

#living with and being forced to raise kids that are NOT YOURS is insanity #why are you the child coming to me the sister when your mother IS RIGHT THERE #im literally not anyone mom #im so tired of playing mother #im tired of being responsible for these kids in any way other than me taking them out and being their guardian #im not babysitting your children's #i live here #leave me the fuck alone #if you need them watched over hire a damn babysitter #i just needed a place to stay because theres no way i can afford to live anywhere #im just so tired of it #so so so tired im tired of my mom treating me like a second parent #when i have told her time and time again i DONT WANT TO #the only reason i do is because all they do is scream at each other and nothing gets fixed and it makes it HELL to live here #i dont want to stand by and watch two children become insufferable idiot adults #all because my mom wont go look for answers on how to raise children #im so mad i could fucking cry

[chocochat]

idk why i keep buying clothes on depop im disappointed every time..

#i recently bought this like wrap?? top and i thought it was sooo cute and i even got it in a size bigger #TELL ME WHY IT WAS A FUCKINF CROP TOP #like #im so mad at myself #i hate hate haaaate crop toos #TOPS #my torso is long yes but not this long 😭😭😭 #AND THEN i bought another.. it looked like a regular top like #it arrived yesterday and . it fits like a fucking crop top #GAHHHHH #i cant even return it im just 😭😭 #i could repop it but ugh #i have a shirt and a dress arriving today and im so scared . #i have my wedding party at the end of the month and its like kind of casual?? its a 'wedding party' but #its just so i can meet all of my partners extended family #but anyway #I WANNA CRY

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[sga-owns-my-soul]

ignore this but i need to fucking vent bc i'm in tears in a fucking university and i really need to just. fucking.

my friends asked me to come rock climbing and i said maybe, and then said i wouldn't go bc i'm exhausted and have to be up early for work, and they said we could do something else after they go rock climbing, so i was like ok fine i guess we can go for a drink. and i was gonna meet them at the restaurant but they said they'd come pick me up first and then they BRING ME

TO THE FUCKING ROCK WALL

THAT I CANT EVEN WAIT INSIDE WITHOUT PAYING ADMISSION

so now i'm sitting alone in the hallway of a random fucking university with tears in my eyes bc my friends decided to fuck all our plans over last minute and NOT FUCKING TELL ME and now i'm over an hour and a half away from home and i'm so fucking miserable and mad and upset and i just. wanna scream

#ignore this #i'm being negative #but i'm so ducking upset #why. why does everyone do this shit to me #it's been 20 minutes and they haven't even started actually climbing #i told them i didn't want to be out late #i said i wanted to be in bed by 10 #it's 8pm #i'm not going to fucking be in bed by 10 unless they plan on climbing for less than 20 minutes #i'm so fucking upset #and mad at them #like they wanted me to come out so they could see me #and. i'm sitting alone #watching them through a window #crying by myself #and my fucking partner is alone at home #stressing bc his fucking dad is in the hospital #IM SO MAD #THEY KNOW THIS #FUCK #IM SO MAD AT THEM #FUCKING ASSHOLES #TAKE ME HOME #I DONY WANT TO BE EHRE #WHAT THE FUCK US WRONG WITH YOU #I AGREED TO ONE DRINK #anyways ignore this #personal rambles #not stargate

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER #I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family #I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get #home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep #she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM #and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late #she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘ #BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon #(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to) #and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’ #and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them #and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’ #but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side #I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY #never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me #IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough #but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later #cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be #there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them #I’m going to scream I’m going to cry #if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them #but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave #FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL #and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother #I KNOW she did this on purpose #I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long #(again… because of work… something I can’t control) #so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position #where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then #or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much

[floral-hex]

hi it’s my birthday tomorrow

#had to redo this since someone left a comment that bummed me out a lot #well… didn’t HAVE to but I didn’t like seeing the notification #guess I could have just deleted their comment… shit… didn’t think about that #hey uhhhh please don’t be mean to me about my birthday. I’m just a sad lil guy 🥺 #I already dislike my birthday. I hate feeling older. like I’m wasting my life. #it’s already usually an afterthought since it’s Christmas Eve #but with my mom’s surgery it’s even more of an afterthought and I’m so stressed and I have to take care of my bros and I’m just not great 😬 #like… what do I even want to do tomorrow? #I’d love to just sleep in and eat junk and maybe go see a movie #but I have to go drive 40 minutes to see my mom and if I try to cut the visit short I’ll just feel guilty #so… I guess I’m spending my birthday watching my mom shake and cry in pain 🤷🏻‍♂️ #which can be okay! I mean not okay but I can 100%… well… 85% live with that. it’s okay. it’s just a day. #but fuck does it hurt when people just ignore it or downplay it or make jokes about my birthday this year #people don’t have to care about my birthday. strangers online don’t have to care. it’s whatever. #and I’m not even mad at anyone in particular. I just… yeah.. I just can’t take negative jokes about it right now. #I’m trying not to be specific! I don’t want to be mean! nobody is being mean to me! it’s okay! #im just a sensitive baby that just wants people to be nice to him for the next 24 hours #…. I’m sad! #I think I’ll just be mean to everyone tomorrow #…. lol like I could do that. pfffttt I’ll bend over backwards for my family and I’ll be glad to do it. mostly. #it’ll be okay #days are 24 hours. I’m sure I can squeeze some good stuff in between the bad. that’s life babyyyy #and I love you and I appreciate you to no one in particular and I’m sorry I’m so sensitive #my mutuals are great #you’re all great. unless you aren’t. but we won’t talk about that. #ok you can ignore this #text

[hella1975]

im genuinely the dumbest person alive

#im so fucking angry with myself im SO stupid #like yes im only 20 ive never really handled my finances alone before #this is only my second year of paying rent EVER there was bound to be mistakes #and im lucky to have a family that can support me when those mistakes inevitably occur. but my fucking goddddd #basically i didnt plan ahead and turns out my TOTAL student loan for this year covers my TOTAL rent this year #but ofc the installments dont cooperate and the sums are different per semester etc #so instead of looking ahead and going 'oh shit my last loan won't be enough to cover my last rent installment' #and using that very easy to make observation to figure out that i need to be saving the leftover money from my loan throughout the year #i instead went 'omg i have leftover loan this term!' and fucking spent it #im short £600. im going to owe my parents £600 #and yes in the grand scheme it's not a huge amount of money like it could have been #but not only will i not be able to pay my parents back until july bc i CANT take out of my america savings #and i definitely cant start saving up £600 ON THE SIDE OF TRYING TO SAVE A GRAND FOR AMERICA #but on top of that being in debt to my mum is the worst thing in the entire world and now i have no choice but to be in debt for 3 months #before i can even start paying it back. like that's 3 entire months that she's going to use it as a stick to beat me with #like not only does she sometimes REFUSE to take money that i earn waitressing bc she insists on having the debt paid through actual labour #but she's also just a complete bitch about it and i know it's very spoilt to expect not only to be covered when i get into debt #but to also expect her to be nice about it but like. im not asking her to CODDLE me i get initially it makes sense for her to be angry #but she could at least acknowledge that i ALWAYS beat myself up over shit like this way more than anyone else will #like im so mad rn im trying not to cry just bc im so FRUSTRATED and the entire time she's fucking shouting in my face #about how she moved out at seventeen and had three jobs at uni and no one to support her etc etc #and just name-callling shit im already calling myself like it was an HONEST MISTAKE #she's acting like i purposely went behind her back and took £600 when i was very visibly horrified when i figured it out #and i immediately came clean to her regardless of how scared i was to admit it. im just so mad like i know i sound spoilt #and like im huffing and puffing over something that could have been SO MUCH WORSE if i didnt have my parents to cover me #but like. i can pay her back within 2 WEEKS of waitressing. ive never handled my rent before. i didn't do it on purpose #and im more annoyed with myself than she can ever be and she KNOWS that about me. so like. please dont shout at me lol #it's just i was SO proud of myself for saving for america and how hard ive worked and i should have known i was gonna fuck it up somehow #& now the £1500+ i'll total have saved for america that i worked so hard for is gonna be tainted bc i owe £600 all bc of my own stupidity #hella goes home

[broke-on-books]

☕

The live action Scooby-Doo movies?

I did not see this ask until RIGHT now (first time on desktop since crab day, second time since Nov 5 2020 [which was DOUBLY experience since I got my phone taken the same day]) so I'm going to assume this ask got eaten on mobile because tumblr, HOWEVER you poked a bear with this ask anon (as I'm sure you knew when asking) SO without further ado: my Scooby Doo live action opinions

So when you say 'live action Scooby-Doo movies' I'm assuming you're talking about the James Gunn films, starting with Scooby-Doo (2002) followed by Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, just due to like, generally popularity and also the fact that I have actually seen those films. However shoot another ask if you wanted me to include Curse of the Lake Monster in this (because I will if anyone cares and turn this into a live-action scooby dissertation, i'd just need to like. watch the movie first) But anyways where I'm going with this is that this post is about the Gunn movies aka the ones with SMG, Freddie Prinze Jr., Linda Cardellini, and ofc our #1 man, Matthew Lilliard.

Okay so my take on these movies is... complicated. I wouldn't say it's as complicated as my feelings towards SDMI, because I watched the live actions way less as a kid and generally care less about them, but still no matter how much shit I throw at these two movies there are parts that I generally like (even love) that stops me from totally condemning them wholesale. Like the fact that these movies are FUNNY! There's so many moments from this duology that are just beyond iconic "like, that's one of my favorite names!" the whole thing with Scooby in the dress at the airport, ET. CETERA (like I can go on!)

The Gunn movies are genuinely SO fun and I can 100% see and understand how they've stood so well in the public view as a representation of Scooby. HOWEVER, this is where you start to see my problems with them. For the general American, (because that is the audience I'm familiar with) ESPECIALLY millennials and younger, who happen to make up the majority of both people on this site AND people I talk about Scooby with in real life, these movies, and the elements they introduced as "quintessential scooby tropes" are the base of their understanding of the Scooby franchise, along with likely some miscellaneous WAY episodes and maybe SDMI.

Which is where I get pissed off. In the pushing of the narrative of "breaking away" from the Scooby norm, Gunn basically invents (aka totally makes up) an idea of what classic era Scooby was like, cementing an idea of classic Scooby into the public mind that is totally disingenuous and just straight up false. For example, in attempting to portray Daphne as having taken strides to be seen more seriously in solving mysteries and defending herself, it pushes the narrative that in the classic era she WASN'T taken seriously, and only existed as a damsel-in-distress prop of a character, which is just not true??? Like yes, Daphne is clumsy, that's a part of her character, and her friends (because, fun fact, the gang ARE friends) joke about it sometimes because that's what friends DO. Framing that in some kind of sexist "that's all she does" lens is just total bull, especially as gang members fall into secret passageways/get lost etc. in WAY ALL THE DAMN TIME because that's how the plot functions! Like are we calling Velma ditzy for losing her glasses every other episode? Of course not, and Fred falls into passageways all the time, not to MENTION Shaggy and Scooby and all they get up to. Also one last thing on the topic of Daphne, like this idea of her mystery solving skills not being respected by the gang is just so supremely bullshit it amazes me sometimes, especially when she was the LEADER (or leader adjacent) through pretty much all of her appearances in the 1980s [Not that James Gunn could look at '80s era Scooby without spitting on it, but I digress]

AND THIS IS JUST DAPHNE! Like the perceptions pushed towards Fred (and Velma, but mostly Fred) through these movies are just as bad! Like okay, with Fred---In these movies Fred is just an asshole. I hate Gunn Movies!Fred. I mean yeah he can be funny but it's almost always so mean! Almost nothing makes me madder than a mean Fred by the way. If he's putting other gang members down (even halfway, like with his whole "dorky chicks like you turn me on too" line, which... ew) then to me something has gone very, very, VERY, wrong in your basic understanding of Frederick Herman Jones as a character. Like he's the cheerleader! He puts himself in between his friends and danger! He loves nets, and traps, and Elvis impressions, and wrestling, and the trapeze, and cars, and most of all he LOVES sharing the things he loves with his friends! (Sometimes to a bit of an extreme. No one wants to hear about your net facts, Fred) And the live action movies just don't understand that at all. And I know there's maybe something to say I suppose in that some of those aspects of his characterization hadn't been "established yet" by the time "Scooby-Doo" came out in 2002. But it's there if you look. For Fred Jones, being the leader means being the caretaker, (he's the Mom friend what can I say) and any version where he's cruel and arrogant and just DOESN'T CARE about his friends in the way he's shown to in the Gunn movies is just so far from Fred to me it's not even funny. And what makes it even worse for me is that this (or at least something similar) is the idea of Fred that has really spread to the popular culture. Just the "leader", the jock that makes the rules, the one that [insert X adaptation here] finally gave a personality and made interesting (something that has been said more times than I can count for pretty much every gang member, save Shaggy and Scooby).

And I haven't even touched on Velma, and how they gave her a bit of a early 2000s smart superiority girl complex against Daphne, plus the whole makeover thing and etc. etc. The Gunn Movies are pretty much what would happen if you took someone who hadn't seen Scooby since they were 7 years old (and honestly had a pretty negative outlook against it then) and tried to "fix" it, only his memory was so bad he just made up problems (and threw in a good helping of early 2000s style sexism with it) convincing pretty much the entirety of the popular culture that said problems exist and that Gunn was absolutely brilliant for fixing them (and then bringing up said "problems" whenever anyone wants to talk about Scooby) and this entire rant has been without even fucking MENTIONING what is probably the reason you, anonymous tumblr user sent this ask in the first place, to I, Swishy "Scrappy Doo Redemption Arc" Broke-on-books (dot tumblr dot com), which is his HIGHLY SUCESSFUL and utterly sadistic character assassination of my number one man, Scrappy Doo.

And I am going to try my damnedest here not to get totally into my highly passionate opinions over what James Gunn did to Scrappy in the first of his Scooby movies and how thoroughly it has pissed me the fuck off because I have been writing this post for over an hour now and if we start to really get into my feelings on this topic it will certainly be a couple of hours more but like. That Fucking Bitch. I give James Gunn personally a solid eighty-five percent of the blame for making my life as a Scrappy Doo fan UTTERLY unbearable with this stupid fucking movie alone, and just his Scrappy crimes would honestly be enough for me to say that I hate this movie, not even considering the numerous Scooby crimes I've been talking about here for the past million paragraphs, but the part about this movie that makes me the MOST mad the most pissed off is that it's actually a good fucking movie. James Gunn wrote two hilarious and entertaining movies that have become beloved in the popular culture for their successes in that arena, while at the same time pissing all over the core themes and messages of the franchise of which it was based, that of friendship.

TLDR; The Live Action Scooby Doo movies (written by James Gunn) are highly entertaining and fun pieces of media to watch, and are widely loved by the general public and looked at with fondness and nostalgia because of that. However, as a hardcore Scooby Doo fan (writing that phrase sounds so ridiculous but oh well) the existence of these movies and their impact on the popular culture can be extremely frustrating (despite any personal nostalgia said fan may have) due to their spreading of a misinformed picture of what "typical Scooby Doo" looks like. This picture is especially frustrating due to the fabrication or exaggeration of problems present in classic Scooby (such as sexism in regards to the girls), as well as giving more ammunition to other problems in Scooby fandom (such as oversexualization, and sexualization in general, which no one wants to see in regards to their children's cartoons, like HONESTLY.) Discussions of sexism and sexualization in Scooby (both of which ARE present and are issues, although not at their worst in WAY) can often lead to an overlooking of the issues that are very present and clear in WAY and have continued since then with far too little resistance (I'm 100% talking about the racism here) HOWEVER that topic deserves at least a dozen posts of its own that I am no way informed or qualified enough to even begin to think about writing. The Gunn Movies are frustrating to many longtime Scooby fans because of these reasons, but for me, and fellow Scrappy Doo fans there is also the added aspect of the demonization of Scrappy Doo in the live action movies and the affects that has had on the popular culture as well, making it uniquely inhospitable to like or enjoy the character of Scrappy. End post.

#that last sentence is such a weird tone jump btw but its because the topic flowed one way and i had to jump it back to a summary to actually #finish this monster of a post #SO anon i hope you're happy with this and this makes my opinion make some more sense. and you or anyone else is more than welcome to ask me #questions about anything i said here or my opinion on any and everything scooby related (and not) so if theres a specific aspect of this yo #would like expanded on i can definitely 100% do that for you or anyone who cares #also there are many complexities towards my feelings on these movies that i didnt get to hit on despite the monstrous size of this rant (il #check word count later but im not gonna fuck with it now because im terrified of deleting this post by accident) one of which is my lasting #fondness towards all of the actors in this movie. YES including freddie prinze jr. i may have major issues with his fred but hes also playe #characters i really really like. for example hes the va in this tv show i LOVE and havent watched in like 10 months despite the fact im on #the last season because freddie's character dies in like 7 episodes and i am NOT AT ALL emotionally prepared for that on any level because #that is my fictional father goddamnit!!!!! #also every buffy the vampire slayer gifset that crosses my dash gets me closer and closer to watching it because oh my god daphne!!!!! that #sarah michelle gellar thats daphne oh my god!!!! also i went and saw guardians of the galaxy 3 with my friend (despite not having seen a #marvel movie in 2+ years AND holding a grudge over james gunn's scooby doo crimes)[the things you do for {platonic} love amirite?] #and the title sequence SAID linda cardellini was in it and i got SO excited i was looking everywhere for her it was like wheres waldo in th #discount movie theatre FOR REAL and i just could NOT for the life of me find her (turns out she was VAing the ferret) so in a way linda mad #me cry with that role. whatever. istg i get so off topic i forget what i was even talking about but ANYWAYS <<<1 of my fave english words b #dubs (my favorite spanish word is el amanacer btw. it means sunrise. also burbujas because its bubbles and saying it sounds like bubbles #popping) BUT. AS I WAS SAYING. SEND ME ASKS IF YOU WANT SCOOBY DOO OPINIONS. DEAR GOD I GET SCATTERBRAINED SOMETIMES. #scooby doo #answered #anonymous #blah

[creatediana]

"John Donne" - a charcoal imitation of the 1622 Portrait of John Donne at the age of 49 by an unknown artist, drawn 2/26/2024

This is a purposefully rough work; I hadn't drawn a single thing in two weeks since giving up on a personal and difficult drawing I had worked on during January-February. This was done in about 30-to-40 minutes with just willow charcoal; no pencils and very minimal erasing, so somebody doesn't get the privilege of defined eyelids.

#im happy w it for the amount of effort i put in #that last thing i was drawing... oh im mad and upset like crazy again even thinking about it!!! so im not gonna talk abt!!! #im just gonna shut up about it and you should too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #2024 #my drawing #visual art #john donne #charcoal #charcoal drawing #i was just gonna say the last thing was too much effort for how upset i was with it >:( but SHUT UP!!!!!!! #im so unhappy. my dad reminded me of it bc i guess he forgot i told him i quit it two weeks ago #i got super snappy w him but even thinking about it now makes me wanna cry. i've purposefully put it out of my mind #and now thinking about it again has put me in a bad mood when i wasn't before #i need to do more quick practice drawings as opposed high-effort concentrated works #cuz i gotta face it :) im just not that good at drawing :) #what a more skilled artist could do in a few hours takes me days or weeks #im more satisfied too usually w the low-effort works. i guess bc they aren't crushed under the weight of expectation #man FUCK expectations!!!!!!!!!!! #alright i gotta go im in a bad mood goodnight #bitches >:(

[hellhoundlair]

venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed

#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the #guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over #and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO. #because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed. #but i wish we could #my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him. #i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too #vent #SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist #my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them. #i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it #AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room #and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes #baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying #and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it #but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie #and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much. #i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me #also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that

[kingflups]

My fucking cat jumped onto the door of the terrarium I was building and shattered the glass

#my cat is okay #she ran away from the sound #but I locked her in my office Im so mad right now #i just have to. fix it #I already did what I could for tonight #siliconed the shattered panel on the outside and made a temporary brace while it set #but im just #fuck #dude that was a $200 tank and I didnt even get to use it before lydia cracked it #i can add a panel across the worst of it #but god fucking damn it #i wish I had a roommate to cry with right now #i think the worst part about living alone is just being trapped with the feelings #FUCK #dude I saved up for this tank for forever fucking hell #shit #i can fix it #I can #murphy speaks

[saturnsfather]

yknow. if i had a nickel for every time i had a huge crush on someone, never did anything about it, then reconnected with them several years later only to be told that they Also Had Feelings For Me or Currently Have Feelings For Me, except because of the time distance or other factors i/we cant/wont do anything about it and then i pretty much never see them again, id have two nickels. which isnt a lot, but it sure did happen twice.

#tbd #just. reflecting #man. remember being a Kid. #funny enough neither guy was someone i cried over! i DID cry over a boy in middle school because i couldnt work up the nerve to ask him #to dance with me. which in retrospect is so silly. i did also still think i was a girl back then too #but anyway. first guy didnt work out bc by the time he told me he liked me #which by the way was WILD bc he basically admitted that the very distinct memory i have as a turning point in our relationship #where we actually became friends. was ALSO the moment he REALIZED HE HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. and it just never came up. lmao #but by then id been over him for a few years. and then i ghosted him. #second guy i reconnected with in high school and he got a girlfriend partway through that year. #but he had a car and occasionally gave me rides home from school. and on one of them we started talking #about the summer camp we originally met at. and i told him id had a huge crush on him back then #(fully equipped with the knowledge that i still did kind of have one) #and thats when he told me ‘haha woah really?? i had feelings for you too. thats crazy’ #and then we never talked about it again. #to be fair it probably never would have worked with us anyway because i have I Could Fix Him disease #and always have. #and he already had a drinking problem. at sixteen. so you can imagine how i felt about that. #anyway. all this is to say. #if it happens again im gonna k!ll myself lol #thats a joke. i will not. but i will be So fucking mad

[parkeryangs]

.

#i accidentally locked myself out of my bedroom (the door locks are a nightmare) #and my keys and my id card were in the room #so after. an hour and a half of convincing myself i managed to call housing ao i could get back in #and they made me meet with the person on call and fill out paperwork and all that #so the girl and i went to my dorm and she unlocked the door to the room and just walked away #i dont think she KNEW that my door (to my bedroom) was locked not just to the whole ''apartment'' but she just left before i xould react #and i freaked out so bad that i called my mom and i cant stop crying #because im going to look so STUPID and theyre going to be mad bc everyone i already had to talk to was irritated #and i cant even gather myself enough to stop crying idk ehat im supposed to even do. god #and i still havent spoken to my roommate not like she can do anything about my bedroom but im just. so upset #ALL of my stuff is in there except for my phone i literally had to go across to the lobby in houseshoes #fuck #and the longer i wait the weirder it probably is. its already been like 30-40 minutes. god

[howlingdemon13]

I do not know how I could possibly be the result of my parents…

#im so fucking mad guys #I cannot fathom the lack of compassion these two humans have #oh wait… #*sits there in i had to unlearn almost two decades of indoctrination and mental abuse* #just… fuck man im so tired… #i just want to believe that deep down they’re capable of being decent #i know I am not my parents #but it makes me so scared that i could fall into that mindset #i know that’s irrational to think #but that doesn’t make the fear go away #i just want people to be good #i can’t stand being surrounded by so much needless suffering #and people who don’t care because those suffering are somehow responsible for the horrible things being done to them #i want to cry #vent #might delete later

[wallyrudolophwest]

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#im so stressed about nothing its like a ball of anxiety is choking me out #all i wanna do is scream and scream about how stressed and anxious i am #how its not a big deal im just going to visit my dad #but ill be away from home for 3 days #i dont want to be away from home ever #and if i bring it up again my family will be annoyed with me or tell me again that i dont have to if i dont want to #but if i dont go i wont see my dad cause he definitely isnt welcome here #its obligation and it can go fuck itself #and i cant physically talk about antthing else either??? #my husband tried to tlk to me about other stuff and i just get so mad cause why arent we talking about how stressed i am #why arent we talking about my anxiety about leaving the house #i dont want to guess what fictional archer would win in a fight #i CANT #im so angry #and i want to cry #and i wish i could just let it go #i wish i could let it go #why am i so qnxious im not even GOING anywhere except my dads house

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#holy fuck. i dont think ive ever been so angry for so long #i got the email abt the change to the end of this experiment at like 7.30am and i was like crying while i was watering #and that dispair consolidated into anger over the course of the day. by like 2pm i was like possessed #by the spirit of a angsty teen boy and wanted to punch some holes in drywall. i was so fucking angry #and the 1st email i got back was like: well u can do sunday/monday for extra measurements if u want #and i was like fucking WHAT? why the fuck cant i just start thr fucking dry down tomorrow? #literally why??? fucking why????? the other half of the experiment is drying tomorrow so what the actual fuck??? #and apparently it just didnt occure to them that we could do both at once. and they wanted to give me the option of a break #which. i appreciate the sentiment but jesus fucking christ u have no idea the atrocity we just avoided #if i had to drag this out until Wednesday i genuinely dont know what i woulf have done. if i had to drag this out until Wednesday only to #find out i didnt have to. i dunno. i would probably have thrown a tantrum like a child. god. ive been here like 10.5hrs now and 1 more to #go. fucking editing and emailing and fixing stupid shit. and my boss is like: email the editor both proofs so he can show reviewers the #changes. as he stated in his email. and im like fucking: ok. ok. ok. ill fucking do it but he has the 1st fucking proof already and the #fucking production office just asked me to send the 2nd proof which i already fucking sent. so maybe its just i cant fucking read #ugh. im not mad at her. this isnt her fault. im just unwell. ugh. i dont wanna b around ppl this week. i dont wanna have to pretend to be #a person. just leave me alone to cry in my freezing apartment as i let all my problems boil over #unrelated