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chocsra · 12 days

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✧ "YOU CLING TO YOUR PAPERS AND PENS;

(wait until you like me again)"

☆ synopsis ↺: your ex, chuuya nakahara drunk calls you, only to realise you're all he ever wants. (based off arianas song: we can't be friends (wait until you like me again)

☆ content ↺: angst, slight stormbringer spoilers, swearing

Haunted - (of a place) frequented by a ghost.

—You were no ghost, Chuuya knew that. But in the rise of the sun, and awakening of the moon, he was haunted.

No, he didn't feel haunted. He's convinced he is, even if the fuel to propel those kinds of shitty thoughts is getting drunk on days when he should be resting.

—

"I want to burn every memory of you."

Chuuya murmurs under his breath, gloved fingers twirling the base of the wine glass to stimulate his turbulent thoughts—vibrant emotions that swish in the swell of his chest.

"You'd have to burn your own skin." A sweet voice breaks through the bitter taste of the red wine dissolving on his tongue. The statement and hollowness of your voice make him sharply turn behind him. Nothing. Just his empty office, the window before it, the cold air dancing around his tensed-up figure. Your absence evocative him.

Chuuya exhales sharply, a chill running up his spine. "My own skin?.." He takes a slim hand to card his russet locks in a cold confusion, scoffing just a bit. "Shit."

The mafioso leans back in the leather seat of his chair, before pouring the last of his wine bottle into the glass. Patting down his bolo tie and white dress shirt, he decides to waste this night drowning in red wine. A heavenly distraction from the reality of your hauntings, or the reality of your absence.

18k worth of alcoholic beverages wasted, down in the trash. Inaudible words conform on the curve of his lips, words of plea. It was a huge contrast to when Chuuya left you. "I'm sorry, really am.." he whispers, remnants of his scarlet wine ghosting over his lips. Fedora placed atop his head, covering his face, Chuuya lazily took out his phone, punching in his password with the messy coordination of his gloved fingers.

You're here, that's the thing.

Your number.

The mafia executive takes a shy and longing peek at your contact. Your last call 3 months ago, your profile picture stained with an old photo of you kissing his knuckles with an innocent smile tugging on your lips, and his thumb hovering over the 'call' button. Even in this drunken state, in the back of Chuuya's mind, he knew calling you would be audacious and pathetic. Especially when he left you first, but in the front of his mind, all he wanted was you. To hear your voice, either empty or full anger, or your voicemail, polite and concise, to hear the humanity that he lost by losing you.

The winter night

Chuuya presses on the call button, his screen lighting up and ringing. No real expectation that you were going to pick up, considering the time and caller. In the sea of his heart, that dreadful feeling was fought back by the artistic shuffle of his delusions. His once romantic poems chanted a mantra for you to pick up, that you were going to pick up the phone, not your ghost.

Chuuya's brows furrow, planting a line in the middle of his glabella. On this chilly night, where the usual jazz tunes of ensembles played in the Port Mafia's lobbies, musky scents and a hint of jasmine, and the click and clatter of heels and dress shoes..

My heart grieves;

..Chuuya feels himself yearning. Yearning for something more than this. The scent of home, your articles of clothing, your skin. He wants back the memory he wants to burn so badly, to smell the smoke and die on that same hill..

Greives without reason…

.."Please pick up." He feels himself pleading. Chuuya may tell himself you're all he wants right now, alcohol running wild in his noggin. However, he questions if he even knows what he needs..

My heart is rusting, turning purple.

.."Hi, you've reached [Y/N]. Thanks for calling, can't answer at the moment though. But if you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Beep.

The night ends as Chuuya gently shuts off his phone.

But his first dream starts once enough alcohol is in his system.

They say the mind blocks out traumatizing memories to save itself from despondency. Nakahara Chuuya dreams, but he cannot grasp to remember that concept. Maybe, it's awful memories from his childhood or hallucinations from the children of the Sheep, or the Flags; Albatross, Doc, Pianoman, Iceman and Lippman.

"I'm sorry, if I stay with you, you'll just get hurt."

As if he was restricted in the ocean of his mind, Chuuya sees you and himself in your living room.

"I won't! You can send your bodyguards for protection, it's fine."

A constricted groan pulls from Chuuya's throat as he stares at the couch, wooden flooring, and anything but your pleading face. He remembers this all too well, the evening you separated. It was when Dazai left the mafia, and Chuuya continued to see his men drop like flies day after day from just his job alone. Apart from the other half of his soul disappearing completely, every piece of humanity he built up came crashing down on the body that his older brother called 2383 lines of code.

"It's not other people, it's myself! Don't you fuckin' get it?!"

A piercing silence fills the room. Aside from Chuuya's heart dropping at his own hurtful words, he tries to shut himself up, for looking at the way your eyes conform from pleading to understanding was all too much.

His voice cracking from the boiling misery in the pit of his stomach, Chuuya continues to look down, refusing to meet your teary eyes.

"You won't gain shit by being with me. I'm a monster, [Y/N]. I'm sorry."

The mafioso stares right at your pitiful figure, crystal tears poking the corners of your eyes. Like the hauntingly beautiful ghost he's ever seen through tunnel vision, Chuuya hasn't seen your truthful humanity in so long. For he saw you—a figment of himself, as he saw himself; inhuman.

...

"I'll always love you."

Chuuya snaps awake on his office chair, rays of sunshine ghosting over his ivory skin.

Pant.. Pant.

The man's eyes gaze at the loose ends of his office: the empty wine bottle, his dishevelled clothing, and the same, corporate-filled air surrounding him. Then, his phone.

2 missed calls.

Chuuya inhales sharply.

Perhaps it was the remnants of his dreadful hangover that took over him, that made Chuuya make the stupidest decision the Port Mafia has ever. But, his drunk words were his sober thoughts and, he wanted you back.

From [Y/N] [L/N].

Sent 7:35 AM — "Are you okay?"

And so, he swiftly grabbed his overcoat and dashed out of his office.

—

Mwah!

"I, Nakahara Chuuya, vow to love you forever and ever."

The man, bent down on one knee kisses the back of your hand teasingly. Chuuya Nakahara always took it next level, his grand gestures and sophisticated aura made him all the more appealing. That also meant planting an abundance more kisses on your fingers and knuckles.

You two had this unspoken code for each other: that hand kisses were an extremely valuable thing. Since Chuuya believes his hands are the ignition for Corruption, and are usually used for destruction, you could've chosen to have done anything with his ungloved hands to avenge the lives he's taken; but instead, you choose to kiss them.

"You're being corny again," you giggle, pointing to the bouquet in your hand—irises. "you even got me flowers."

You hit his head, huffing. "Hey!"

The mafioso smirks, chuckling. "I think you should be proud of yourself though," He teases, rubbing your hand gently, "you finally cooked something other than instant noodl—

Thwack!

—

In a disorienting manner, Chuuya hops off his motorbike at your workplace. Inhaling softly as he holds a bouquet of irises. All kinds of turbulent thoughts ran wild in his head, especially since he didn't get to shower yesterday. The man patted down his clothes and fixed his fair, adjusting his wrist to check his watch.

8:54.

Your work starts at 9:00 sharp.

Just as he's rushing to adjust his raven collar and fedora, the sight of your hair and work uniform catches his eye.

"Wait!"

—

Distance, timing and expectations.

The great adversaries of love.

A person cannot change distance or timing, but expectations are self-inflicted.

Chuuya felt like you were always going to expect more from him because he felt like he lacked in every way besides destruction. He expected that he was going to hurt you after Dazai left the Port Mafia, like a lingering spirit after they've lost their other half. Chuuya was responsible for inflicting negative 'what if's because of his own insecurities, losing you in the process.

He expected because you wanted him to stay back then, you were going to want that forever.

Because that's clearly not the case right now.

—

The redhead finally sees you in the sea of passersby, a clear image of your smiling face, pretty outfit, and glowing aura.

You stood out to him just like before.

So did the man beside you, with a bouquet of daffodils.

He took a fancy bow and kissed the back of your hand, handing over the flowers.

Oh, how irises—the flower of light, brought nothing more to him than darkness.

As crystal tears paint his eyes, Chuuya ponders the ache in his heart. He was truly foolish to believe more in your ghost, than you.

✧ chocsra™

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stilesofnorth · 1 year

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REASONS TO LOVE THE GLORY PART 2

WE HAVE A perfect anti-heroine. She doesn't pull random crap from any direction and have a new motive every time she loses a loved one. (yeah, she doesn't wait for someone to die to get her shit together either)

She isn't trying to save the world, she is just trying to move on and yet she manages to save more people than what most leads can.

She doesn't half ass shit, she took 20 years to fully fund her plan, get an education and fucking get them all.

She is actually a good person, nobody on this drama as a character has to vouch for that or explicitly say how charming she is. SHE JUST godamn gives her biggest bully time to surrender and go to police herself so she wouldn't have to take revenge and her family wouldn't be suffering.

She is self aware, revenge isn't the best way to do it so she plans to off herself but the people around her know she don't deserve it. There is no scene in the drama where Dongeun's revenge is glorified to a point it seems its okay for antiheros to do fucked up shit with some cool instrumental playing in the bg(scene where MDE calls JJ to get the pervert straight in line, she accepts it is crappy since yesol and HDY had to sort of see that)

She gives people what they deserve, and she finds happiness(she shouldn't have to earn it but she does)

SHE isn't perfect but she does try to have sympathy for people who have been by her side and looks out for them.(reasonable, no love at first sight nonsense, all the people she helped have proved their worth around her.)

She isn't getting justice for the whole world just the ones who have been through the same shit as her and logically tries to make a coherent plan do it all.

DID I say she don't have any supernatural strengths like she breaks down, has ptsd and requires support from YJ's character.

She doesn't wear cool suits and ramps around everywhere to deliver retribution but she kinda plays people like guitar strings and have them kill eo(thanks to her years of stalking skills)

Chemistry between two characters in this drama isn't bait for you to watch this drama. The drama itself is the bait, SHK is fine as hell. As much as I love a romance, this one is just fine as it is.(LDH and SHK are a cute duo, not everything needs to be angsty. Some things are nice when two nice people are together and in love. I'll die on this hill.)

I am voicing my concern for people who don't find LDH and SHK's chemistry palpable. SHK and Jung Sungil look good but ldh and shk flow better. Given the fact, this show has a character who went through a lot, why would she ever choose the bully's ex over a ray of sunshine?

There is no miracle bird that saves the day so the writing gets all the credit lol.

SIDE NOTE: This might be Song Hye Kyo's best drama but also the the best drama out there. some of y'all should not forget this girl has been on the top for over 20 years for a reason. I'd love to see well written stories written around main characters such as this but there aren't many. Multilayered female characters who are not in romance dramas >>

#song hye kyo #kdramaedit #kdrama icons #kdramadaily #kdrama #kdramaladies #korean drama #the glory #kdramagifs #kdrama screencaps #kdramaworld #jung sung il #lee do hyun

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meryldian · 9 months

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⭑Growing up with TOKIO HOTEL pt.3 ⭑

AN .°˖✧: It feels so good to be back writing!! I know I said I would have more time to work on my blog but unfortunately, this summer’s proven to be more busy with work than I anticipated. I hope you guys are still as invested in this little series as I am!! We’re finally getting to the band’s big breakthrough moment.°˖✧

This part may potentially feel slow and not very crucial but! It marks the transition between being a teen band that played at the local club into being blasted into stardom, so I suggest reading it through with just as much love and care :)

Before you read ~ Disclaimers .°˖✧

- The reader is established as songwriter/rythmic guitar/backup vocalist but! The role is barely mentioned so you should be able to imagine her as you please.

- I said “her” because in this series, the reader is female. This is merely for plot reasons as it is very interesting to touch upon the reality of being the only female member in a “boyband”

- As usual, this is heavily based off Bill’s autobiography “Career Suicide” (as well as stories told from the guys themselves in interviews, Kaulitz Hills, q&a’s, et cetera) so expect heavy themes to be touched upon.

- Now that we’re getting into the main story, I must address that this series will be strictly platonic. For romantic interactions between the reader as 5th member and the band there will be separate posts. This is so I can allow you to imagine your own story based off my headcanons without imposing you a relationship.

WARNINGS: Underage drinking, underage smoking, mentions of depression, panic attacks, mature language, sexual themes addressed (non-explicit), “weirdos” (sadly, it’s the reality of the music industry).

Happy reading ~

We left this at what you really had gone to Hamburg for, making music.

Working with David Jost was like a treat. He taught you how to write an ear catching hook, the importance of a strong chorus, how to incorporate a bridge. He was like your music fairy godmother, and you loved it.

On Bill’s side, he grew impatient easily. He just wanted to put his thoughts on paper and sing. He wanted to instantly feel the bass shaking, the sound of the drums and shredding of the guitar.

Tom was rather interested by the production process of making a song. Back then, he didn’t know that little interest would grow into his biggest passion.

You spent days on end locked in a studio, conditionning your songs, coming up with new ones. Having gummy worm fights with Tom and reading shitty magazines with Gustav.

Nights on end destroying your fingers while coming up with new riffs and of course, attempting the riffs your producers shoved at you.

It was definitely a slap in the face to realize that as an artist you couldn’t just write everything yourself. You had a greedy company behind your back that looked for money rather than creativity. And well, as young kids you really had no idea how to actually produce music.

The amount of flat no’s you got to your face when sharing your ideas was insufferable and it made your blood boil.

Georg is the person you’d usually go to. He always listened to you rant and would join your anger in order to have you release it all.

I realized that I refered to both you and Gustav as the glues holding the band together so; let’s look at it this way: you’re the glue making you guys stick together and Gus is the scotch tape that makes you five inseparable.

So, back to the studio, back to writing, back to composing.

Overtime your endless sessions over the summer payed off and delivered the gem that we know now as your debut album. “SCHREI”

Picking the lead single proved to be a hard task, til someone’s girlfriend saw the potential of “Durch den monsun”

David Jost had once spotted the words “Hinter die welt” (beyond the world) on one of Bill’s songwriting notebooks that he shared with you and he was fascinated that such young kids could write such melancholic things.

With an album ready and a single to be released, it was time for the real action

You had a free week prior to the music video shooting. Bill and you took advantage of this to grab your allowance and start ofd by going to the hair salon and perfecting your hairdos. A little trim for him and anything you needed on your cute head.

You were supposed to have a gaming sleepover with Gustav to beat Devil May Cry 3 on your dusty PlayStation 2 and rock out on guitar hero, but your excitement for the music video shoot was so big that you spent all night brainstorming about how your life as stars would be.

Your manager took you guys shopping! The budget did not allow a new outfit for each and one of you but you all at least got a new item.

Cool jeans for Gustav, a new hat for Tom, a punky t-shirt for Georg, an item of your choice and the iconic leather jacket Bill wears in both Monsoon music videos.

A week of rest really flies by, and now the day of the video shoot arrived. You guys were newbies and being completely honest, the label didn’t quite believe in you yet.

Your budget was low and crew not the most promising. Most of these people were new ad had never worked on a project of the kind before.

Funnily enough, many of the people that started working with you guys from the very beginning would be the ones to stick with you through thick and thin and create your little tour family.

At least there was an idea. It was ambitious to film it all in one day and you five knew, but the producers kept reassuring you that most of the work would be done in post-production.

Your day started at 4:30 am when your alarm rang, not a soul up, not even the sun.

It didn’t take you long to get ready, as you’d be dolled up for the camera on set. You did your morning routine, packed your essentials, your outfit, and barely got time to eat before you had to get on the sleek black van that picked you up at 5:15 flat.

The boys were already all inside in exception of Georg, whom you’d go fetch right away.

You would’ve expected the ride to be chatty with excitement but you were all surprisingly calm, the nerves were starting to kick in.

The uncomfortably familiar fear of what’s to come, thinking of every single worst case scenario, what if you sucked, what if people hated you, what if your debut was a flop.

You tried to ignore the bad thoughts by drifting off on Gustav’s shoulder til you reached your first location.

A very public lake, where some families swam freely and unaware that a music video would be shot on their layback spot.

It was disappointing to you guys, particularly to Bill who dreamed of a tremendous production, but you would have to do with it.

David just gave him a pat on the back, it couldn’t be thaaattt bad.

When arriving on set you were given a tiny taste of what the rockstar life would be like.

Catering set up a table of, cheap, yet varied snacks for you to munch on. Makeup and hair station was installed in the back of the van and out of a truck rolled many cameras and new equipment you’d never seen before.

You could see Georg, with his newly permanently slicked hair, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Of course the first one to get ready and start shooting was Bill. Once he started his first scenes the makeup crew took care of the rest of you.

As annoying as it may be to accept, the label wanted you to look as pretty and dolled up as possible. Having a female member in the band was a bet they were willing to take and if their gambling went well, you’d become the cashcow real well.

Extensions were put in your hair, mascara and eyeliner adorned your eyes and a sticky pink gloss glazed your lips. Nothing too extravagant yet appealing enough. You still had to look like a rock chick after all. The delicacy of your look adorned with how punky your outfit probably was made the perfect balance the label was looking for.

The boys probably made fun of you but, they never meant wrong.

You munched on sandwiches and played on your old Nokia as you waited for your turn to take photos and record your scenes.

It’d been quite amusing to see Bill upside down on a weird pole structure to then dunk his head in a dirty fish-tank.

Certainly fabulous.

Suddenly you’re up on a metal platform above water, playing your unplugged guitar and getting drenched by icy water raining down on you.

You played it off (literally) and in one take you were done with your first few scenes. No cuts and no chance to do it again. You had to save time so, if you looked like crap it was your problem.

Nowadays you probably cringe at some of your facial expressions and missed notes on the clip.

Quickly enough some of the guys helped you get down from the platform back onto solid ground and one of the makeup artists wraps you in a towel.

Now, you sit all wet while watching the boys repeat the same steps as you. As a girl tries her best to dry your damp hair before attacking it with a flat iron. Who has time to think of heat damage when you have another outfit to get in and more scenes to film.

The day went on smoothly, but the recording certainly felt rushed. By the end of the day you were left with a feeling of doubt.

The big day arrived.

August 15th, the day “Durch den Monsun” would drop.

You met with the twins at their house and the little family consisting of Bill, Tom, their mom & step-dad and dog Scotty! + you, whom they took in like if you were one of them.

Gordon, Bill and Tom’s step dad set their vhs recorder ready, just in case the music video would never be aired again, you wanted the memory.

The ad break ends and VIVA (German music channel) announces the debut single of Universal’s newest band.

Tokio Hotel with Durch Den Monsun

Somewhen in betwen the start of your journey with record labels the name Devilish was left behind and you guys adopted the new and stylish Tokio Hotel. But that’s a story for another day.

The wind blows a candle and Bill’s face in slow motion was shown on screen.

You could not contain your excitement! Bill and you held hands and shook them in the air as you watched the product of one long stressful day.

Your future self sees the video and points out the numerous flaws and low quality but back then it was so cool to you. You thought you were on top of the world

Honey, you’ve got a big storm coming.

Tom didn’t speak much. He simply watched in awe, a smile of admiration and pride forming on his fine lips.

Later that day, you’d gather up with the rest of the band, David Jost and some crew members to celebrate your debut with cheap gas station champagne and ham and cheese bites the twins’s mom prepared.

You didn’t have much yet, but you’d just made a big step.

In the coming weeks you would see the immediate effects of monsun, were you ready? Who knew. What was undeniable was the immediate success that would follow.

AN: AAAAAA I kinda hate this ⋆｡ﾟﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ It was needed to include some of the process for your debut though! Take it as the calm before the storm I guess! Next part will take on the effects of your quick rise to fame on your everyday life and relationships. It will definitely dig more into your link with the boys, as this part barely had any interactions :(

As usual, take care, remember to eat and sleep!!

Love, Meryl <3

#tom kaulitz #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel #tokio hotel imagine #georg listing #gustav schäfer #tokio hotel x reader #bill kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x reader #georg listing x reader #gustav schafer x reader #tokio hotel alien #kaulitz #kaulitz twins #tokio hotel imagines #tokio hotel scenarios #gustav schaefer

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explodingquails · 4 months

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BG3 Origin Characters and the Florence & the Machine Songs that remind me of them

I gave in and am sharing this list now. Potentially long post below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Astarion

Between Two Lungs

And my running feet could fly Each breath screaming "We are all too young to die" ...

Gone are the days of begging, the days of theft No more gasping for a breath The air has filled me head-to-toe And I can see the ground far below I have this breath and I hold it tight And I keep it in my chest with all my might

Gale

Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up)

*for best listening experience please substitute Midas for Mystra in your head

The looking glass, so shiny and new How quickly the glamour fades I start spinning, slipping out of time Was that the wrong pill to take? ...

This is a gift, it comes with a price Who is the lamb and who is the knife? Midas is king and he holds me so tight And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Karlach

Seven Devils

Seven devils all around me Seven devils in my house See, they were there when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done ...

They can keep me out 'Til I tear the walls 'Til I save your heart And to take your soul And what has been done Cannot be undone

Lae'zel

Queen of Peace

*my favorite F&TM song ever for my favorite origin character :)

Like the stars chase the sun Over the glowing hill, I will conquer Blood is running deep Some things never sleep Suddenly I'm overcome Dissolving like the setting sun Like a boat into oblivion 'Cause you're driving me away Now you have me on the run The damage is already done Come on, is this what you want? 'Cause you're driving me away

Shadowheart

Which Witch

*this is just the universal song for religiously traumatized characters

And it's my whole heart Weighed and measured inside And it's an old scar Trying to bleach it out And it's my whole heart Deemed and delivered a crime I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out ...

And it's my whole heart While tried and tested, it's mine And it's my whole heart Trying to reach it out And it's my whole heart Burned but not buried this time I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out

Wyll

Shake it Out

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back And given half the chance would I take any of it back? It's a fine romance, but it's left me so undone It's always darkest before the dawn And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat 'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, for the devil in me But what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's all! I might do a second part for some none-origin characters if I find the inspiration. Thank you for bearing with me if you made it this far :)

#song recs #florence and the machine #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #karlach #lae'zel #shadowheart #wyll ravengard #it's been 6543526 years since I did a song rec post #but I felt compelled to share my intrusive thoughts on the blorbos #also gif credits to the linked creators!#this is my first time using gif search in my posts #I am not entirely sure how this works so please let me know if you would like your specific gif to be changed

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strwbywrites · 7 months

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long live (eddie munson)

a/n: this is heavily based on the taylor swift song. i am indeed a swiftie and i thought the song fit the vibe. (and castles crumbling but it makes me wanna scream and cry) def not excessively proofread. pls enjoy though i tried a different direction than typical songfics :) (also i might start using gifs more so the post isn't bald, gif isn't mine btw i use google image search o7)

summary: eddie's gf plays the prom venue with an original that makes him fall even more in love with her. (probably ooc but its cute so i'll die on my hill of soft content)

wc: 3.1k (woah)

Prom season, April 1986. Prom season was perhaps one of the most important seasons of a teenage girl’s life. Every junior and senior in Hawkins, Indiana was scrambling to find the perfect date, the perfect flowers, and the perfect dress. And every seller of any trade was making sure to get into the prom market to make that profit.

Eddie wasn’t someone too concerned about the idea of prom. Sure, it happened and there was usually some hot gossip that hit the school the weeks before and after the event, but it wasn’t on the top of the priority list. After all, this is his second senior year. He never had an urge to go to the ones before and didn’t have the urge to go to this one now. He’d much rather spend his Saturday evening playing tabletop with his club, practicing with his band, or hanging out with his girlfriend.

His girlfriend, God he loved his girlfriend. Eddie swore that whatever higher force was out there made her special for him. They were so similar yet any difference they had was even more complimentary. They both supported each other non-stop and made time for each other during the busy senior year. Shit, thanks to (Y/n) he was accelerating his path to officially graduating. But that time was quickly approaching and although he couldn’t go immediately into college, (Y/n) swore up and down that she would be there for him no matter what.

Of course, Eddie’s perspective on prom immediately changed when (Y/n) came barreling into the trailer with a letter in hand and the largest smile he’s seen on her in ages. He loved her smile.

“Eddie, you won’t believe what I got in the mail!” (Y/n) exclaimed with excitement, almost colliding with his chest. She was an unstoppable force, and him, an immovable object.

“Mmm, you got accepted into Harvard?” Eddie asks with a chuckle. “I’m teasing you sweetheart, what is the news that you are so excited to share that you have to break my ribs in the process?”

“SO! The prom committee reached out to me and my band, right?” She started, the joy never once faltering from her voice. “They want us to play at prom! We get in free of charge and our dates get fifty percent off!”

Eddie made a sound of bewilderment and excitement for his girlfriend, immediately going to wrap his arms around her to hug, lift, and spin her all in one fluid movement. “Incredible! I expect nothing less from my dearest, my one and only star.” He smiled and gave her forehead a gentle kiss.

Once (Y/n) was let go by Eddie’s embrace, she started her little victory lap around the trailer. Her unbridled joy filled the entire living room and pierced Eddie right in the heart. The way her eyes lit up as she celebrated.

Although a small earwig in his head tried to feed him jealous thoughts, ones of anger for not being selected as part of the Hawkins High School entertainment, he shook them away. No jealousy nor anger would ever come out of someone else’s happiness. Now the real challenge was finding whatever formal wear he had left and making sure it was appropriate to make his girls’ dream come true.

--------------------------------------------------

When (Y/n) got the letter from the Hawkins High School Prom Committee, she was over the moon excited. Letting her other members that they were so on for the occasion and to get prepared. Of course, at the next practice, they were learning more mainstream covers to appeal to the greater audience, but that wasn’t going to stop them from sneaking in an original. The committee was only allowed to give them an hour-long slot due to budgeting and because they knew those students wanted to enjoy the night too.

“I have a quick question.” (Y/n) spoke up during a break during their practice session, “How do you guys feel about Long Live?” she asked somewhat nervously. That song was one of her passion projects, something she really poured her heart and soul into.

“I think it's phenomenal.” Kat smiled as she answered honestly. “I can tell you worked hard on it, and you know where you want to go with it. And you’re also not a total bitch to either me or Bianca when it doesn’t sound like you expected.”

“You just want to perform it for your man.” Bianca giggled and teased (Y/n), tapping her gently yet playfully on the arm. “It’s beautiful.”

“I hope I tell both of you how much I appreciate you.” (Y/n) smiled brightly, pulling the two in for a one-armed hug for each. All 3 girls agreed that if they had even the smallest hint of an original song, they would share it and attempt to work on it. “There are still some missing pieces, but we have time. It’s almost done.”

Kat stood up and looked her dead in the eye, a stern yet loving look on her face. “You better not doubt yourself, because good god you are one of the most talented songwriters I have ever met.”

(Y/n) beamed with appreciation and pride. She was told before that she was a good writer, by her bandmates, mother, and Eddie. But sometimes that feeling hits different when it comes after achieving something huge. It was settled, (Y/n)’s hard worked love ballad was to be played on the night of prom.

--------------------------------------------------

At the next Hellfire meeting, (Y/n) sat in her corner with her notebook. She never played the tabletop game herself, but it doesn’t mean she enjoyed the chatter of the boys at the table.

“Oh, go screw yourself! I totally had a good window to roll for stealth!” Dustin exclaimed to Mike.

“You take forever to decide what to do, and Eddie was already counting down before the hobgoblin would kill us all!” Mike retorted in defense.

“So immediately charging him straight on would’ve been the best tactic?” Jeff defends Dustin from Eddie’s left side.

The boys continued bickering until Eddie put a stop to it, continuing with part seven of their multi-part campaign. Although it was noisy, (Y/n) didn’t mind. It was a heartwarming kind of noise. A noise of joy, regardless of who rolled what. She stayed in her little corner, occasionally piping up with a joke towards whoever was the victim. Her thoughts, however, were focused on her notebook. The book she used to write down lyrics and ideas.

“You’re really enamored with that little book there, sweetheart.” Eddie teased her lightly, smiling at her.

“None of your business, dearest.” She responded with a chuckle. (Y/n) took her pen and jotted down a quick 'a band of thieves in ripped up jeans' and her eyes met Eddie’s gaze. “I’m serious. Let me plot and scheme in peace.”

“There shall be no peace for you as long as I live and breathe as your boyfriend.” Eddie quickly retorted, going back to the campaign that he worked tirelessly on.

“Evidently.” She giggled, also going back to the notebook she paid most of her attention to.

Nobody really complained about (Y/n)’s presence in the corner of the club room. Although it was at first off putting to have someone just watching them the entire time, they were soon warmed up after the first few weeks of her bringing snacks. Sometimes she’d even help them with how to proceed. She wasn’t a player at all, but at least she was familiar and respected their time and when they would go over. Essentially adopting a motherly role to the younger kids and being a damn good influence and person to the rest of them.

--------------------------------------------------

The countdown to prom officially hit its 14-day mark. In 2 weeks time, every junior and senior would be lining up to get inside a stuffy gym to dance and try to spike some punch. (Y/n) already had her dress picked out. Something she could maneuver in. A sparkling purple ensemble that hugged her chest yet flowed out in a subtle manner. She never told Eddie what the dress looked like, only that he should get a purple tie to match. Lighter colors weren’t really his thing, neither was prom, yet he still searched the shops far and wide for the perfect color.

(Y/n) sat in a corner of Eddie’s bedroom on the floor, toying with chords on her guitar, humming the melody to her hardworking self-written song. She had sort of a blank stare on her face as she kept playing the same chord progression repeatedly.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Eddie pipes up and sits across from her on the same floor.

She shook out of her trance and looked at her boyfriend. Sighing softly, she sets the guitar against the wall. “I feel like I’m stuck.” Her voice came out soft against the din of the air conditioning.

Eddie crawled over to her, his pocket chains jingling together. His arms enveloped her on the floor as he held her tightly in an embrace, her side to his chest as he moved his legs to either side of her body. His body slowly started rocking out of habit, allowing the two to sway subtly yet soothingly. “You know, babe, you are the most amazing, fantastic girl in the world. Beautiful, strong, a fuckin’ genius.” He whispered his compliment after he planted a kiss on the shell of her ear.

The kiss sent a quick shiver down her spine. “Well right now I feel dumb.” She huffed, “This stupid prom thing is stressing me out.”

“Screw the prom right now. You need to rest. Stress is just going to make you feel worse about it.” He spoke as he cradled her head to his chest, moving backwards to lay down. “I want you to be proud of where you are, and I want you to actually enjoy the night.”

The two of them laid on the floor, (Y/n) stared at the ceiling as Eddie stared right at her. This position allowed her to relieve the tension that she was holding in her body. “Why do you have to be right?” She spoke sarcastically.

“I want the very best for my very best.” His lips placed another peck on her head.

A comfortable silence reached the couple. The only noise ever heard within the room being the echo of the air conditioning. At some point, (Y/n)’s eyes closed as she fell into a light slumber. Once this was noticed by Eddie, he gently picked her up and set her in the bed while lying next to her. Covering the two with blankets, he shut his eyes and fell into his own rhythm of sleep.

--------------------------------------------------

“It’s a meeting day and the yearbook crew needs photos for the yearbook soon.” (Y/n) told the entirety of Hellfire before they started. “It’s why I had Eddie get you guys here early.”

“And because she is way more organized and actually has a camera to take the pictures with.” Eddie chuckled and wrapped an arm around her, planting a kiss on her cheek.

The boys nodded in understanding. Since they were already in their Hellfire “team” shirts, it wasn’t too hard to plan. The setup was simple, a white backdrop pinned to the wall while they stood in front of it with various poses. Several group pictures and several individual headshots for the boys. Headshots including a smile and a smolder from each member. Some of the photos included were also some staged “action” shots of Eddie standing at the head of the table with the boys surrounded to stand over as if they were planning an attack.

Eventually, the roll of film was getting noticeably used up. (Y/n) wanted to keep some for natural shots within the club during the meeting, hoping that she wouldn’t be too obvious but honestly, it wasn’t an exceptionally big deal. Being able to capture a moment of genuine pleasure on the faces of the group she cared so much about was more important.

Later that week, (Y/n) and Eddie stood in the red room of the schools’ yearbook committee. The freshly developed photos hung on a string to dry. Both smiled at the multiple photos of the club just being themselves.

“It’s not fair how they treat you.” (Y/n) spoke bitterly. They were the same as everybody else, just more confident in what they enjoy compared to those same people.

“It is what is it, sweetheart.” Eddie sighed in response, but he agreed. “Not much we can do but hold our heads high.”

“At least you’re confident and passionate about what you love! That’s what makes you different. Something that makes you also incredibly admirable too.” She hummed and gave a peck to his cheek. “Still gives them no excuse for what they do.”

Eddie smiled small at his girlfriend, turning her to face him. “That’s good. I’m pretty confident that I’m in love with you.”

(Y/n) blinked at him, his infectious smile spreading to her. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she brought him into a kiss. Only breaking after a moment for air. “I am so very in love with you as well.”

--------------------------------------------------

Here it was, the night of the Hawkin’s High Prom of 1986. The stage was already set up for the live act of the night but in the meantime, a large mix of tapes was selected to play over the sound system in the gym. The event had only started 45 minutes ago.

Eddie strolled in with other members of the Hellfire Club, fashionably late of course. For a bunch of presumed delinquents, they cleaned up real nice. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas were lucky to be there as underclassmen due to being invited by the other upperclassmen members of the club.

“So, when is (Y/n) gonna perform?” Dustin asks the group, sitting down at a table on the outskirts of the gym.

Eddie shrugged. “Not sure, was only told it was about an hour block.” He looked around the room for any sight of his girlfriend.

On the other side of the stage, (Y/n) was peeking behind a door to watch the Hellfire members sat at the table. They were late, it scared her. What scared her even more was that they were on within 15 minutes. Kat and Bianca were behind her and staring out of the same window on the door.

“What the hell is their problem? 45 minutes late?” Kat exclaimed pessimistically. “They would’ve been dead if it were up to me.”

“Hey, it’s not that bad. At least they missed Jason and his dumb ass entrance.” Bianca shrugged. “I did not need to see all that movement from him of all people.” She giggled. This made Kat snort with laughter and her hand quickly shot up to cover her nose. Which then forced all three girls into laughter behind the door.

Soon enough, it was time for them to start their set. The crowd was excited enough to watch the girls enter and play a few starting notes of a Tears for Fears song. Knowing the newer, more popular songs really paid off for the excitement of the crowd. While she sang, (Y/n) spotted the club dancing and slowly moving towards the front. Seeing the people she loved having a great time only made her want to perform even better. Just so she could see that happy expression shared through the group.

It was nearing the end of their set, just so they could also enjoy time at the prom. (Y/n), Kat, and Bianca all nodded toward each other. The drummer and guitarist paused as (Y/n) took the mic to start speaking to the gym.

“I just wanna start out and say, I hope everybody is having an amazing time. Everybody looks amazing, you all deserve to feel the same way too.” She started, earning a cheer from the student body. “But I did want to preface this next song by saying it’s an original!” Her somewhat nervous chuckle didn’t hinder her in the slightest. “I wrote it thinking about the people I really love. Especially the one who was the biggest help, even if he didn’t know it. This is Long Live.” (Y/n) finished her miniature speech, then gestured for Kat and Bianca to start the beginning chords and beat of the song as students were cheering, the cheering of the Hellfire Club being the loudest in the room.

The beginning was a hopeful melody, arousing feelings of happiness and celebration. The moment (Y/n) started singing the opening verse to her song, Eddie felt nothing but love and adoration for his girlfriend. With every lyric there was a mention of something they’ve done or said. At the first celebratory sung cheer of “long live”, followed by mystical references, he could tell the remnants of earlier campaigns littered her lyrics.

“You traded your baseball cap for a crown,” (Y/n) sang with a smile, pointing her finger at Dustin who was absolutely enamored with the song, cheering and dancing with Mike and Lucas as if nobody was around. The maternal love she felt towards those boys would never dwindle.

The one phrase that perfectly described the group and how they felt was simple, yet so unbelievably powerful. None of them would ever forget it, they are the band of thieves in ripped-up jeans.

After a moment, the song approached its final chorus. Finally closing with “we will be remembered” and taking their final bow of the night. All judgement seemed to cease with the song, students of all different cliques cheering and applauding for the girl group as they made their way off the stage and back into the crowd.

(Y/n) wasted no time in finding Eddie, running into a hug where he spun her around off the ground. He showered her with compliments and pecks all around her face then pulled her into a lasting embrace. Enjoying the moment he was able to feel and share with her. “You are the most amazing, beautiful, talented woman I know.” He said with a grin.

“Thank you, my love. But you are my inspiration.” She giggled and kissed him, bringing him out to the floor to dance with her.

“I’ve got to get you to write for Corroded Coffin more. With your genius we could sell out stadiums.” He chuckled, spinning her lightly.

(Y/n) held his hand tightly as he spun her, returning “Sounds like a plan,” when she was finally chest to chest with him. The couple continued to sway and dance with the pre-taped music over the loudspeaker. Right now, nothing else mattered but the two of them together. It may not be a kingdom, but the gymnasium lights really shined for them as they danced the night away.

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writingmysanity · 2 years

Text

Laundry Day

Pairing: Viktor x Reader

Word count: 1863

Requested: NO, purely self-indulgent

A/N: Of course, as always, not beta'd- we die on this hill. Also, I have been mega in my feels. Satan's waterfall has visited, I detest this time, so I am making do with writing fluff and domestic goo. Please enjoy.

“Leave him be, my boy,” a voice comes with slightly too much joy in your taste, as you're sure of the subject of the conversation- Viktor. He hasn't been home in 4 days, and you're sure he hasn't gotten more than 10 hours of sleep in total during the entirety of his absence. Huffing, you're about to barge in, long sleeve shirt rolled up to your elbows already in preparation when you pause at the second voice. Jayce.

“Professor, with all due respect, Viktor hasn't slept in what I can almost assure you is days,” he sounds stressed but is hiding it well. “I can't let him continue work on something that could harm him,” and at that, you step in, making your presence known.

“I concur,” you hum, obvious irritation on your face, looking down at the furry menace you've come to question in Viktor’s life. Thus far, he has done well for your caffeine addicted work-a-holic, but as of now, he is being nothing short of an enabler.

“But he is close to a breakthrough,” he stresses, eyes narrowing at you. Cocking an eyebrow down at him, you snort.

“Or a breakdown,” you grouch. “He hasn't been home in four days-”

“We have made sleeping arrangements at the lab for him,” he cuts you off, which irritates you further. Jayce, catching wind, steps back slowly, knowing that look in your eyes, sending a pointed look at his mentor screaming If you value your life, shut UP.

But he misses it. Or ignore it.

Nodding slightly, you offer a small smile, hiding the heat prickling along your skin.

“Has he used it?” Heimerdinger pauses, shrugging.

“Im sure-”

“He hasn't even considered it,” you finish for him, watching the yodle walk away, his poro skittering off behind him. As soon as the door shuts, Jayce sighs, shoulders sagging.

“Thanks,” he offers you a tired smile, bags under his eyes bruising, the redness lining his eyes making you frown.

“When was the last time you slept, Talis?” he chuckles, shrugging.

“More recently than Viktor,” he raises his hands in defense. “And the moment you get him out of here, I'm out, too.” you grin a bit.

“You have much faith in me,” you muse, glancing across the lab, the open layout letting your eyes settle on his darkened figure hunched over whatever he is working on. He just nods.

“Well earned, let me tell you. I've never seen someone able to convince him out of the lab before,” he hums, a smile stretching to a grin. “You've got the magic touch.” laughing, you start over to Viktor.

“I'll leave the magic working to you two,” you throw over your shoulder as you come to lean over Viktor's, watching silently as he works for a moment. He doesn't even know you are here yet, despite not even attempting to hide your presence. After a few more moments, you decide to announce yourself.

“Viktor,” you purr, your voice carrying in a sing-song tone not more than a few inches from his face. You take pleasure in how he shudders as he drags his eyes from his work, a tired but pleased smile softening his sharp features.

“Ah, My dove,” he hums, head tilting to gently knock his head to yours affectionately. “What brings you here?” slowly, he sets the prototype down but doesn't turn to face you. Smiling softly, pressing a kiss to his hair right above his ear.

“It's laundry day,” you hum. He frowns, shaking his head.

“That is on Thursdays,” he grumbles, looking out of the skylight windows, eyes narrowing at the light streaming through. Laughing softly, you nod.

“It's friday,” you supply gently. He freezes, guilt passing in his eyes quickly before he sighs.

“You’re late,” he teases, making you laugh softly, tugging on his sleeve.

“I figured I'd give you some time,” you say softly, straightening. “But, i would greatly appreciate you to come home.'' In truth, he doesn't really help much other than helping sort the clothes, but you use it as an excuse to allow him to rest. Normally, if not presented with a problem or project, and given more than a few moments of time to sit comfortably, he passes out.

Sighing again, he nods slightly, looking at his partner who is pretending to work on something, totally not watching the two of you.

“I am heading out,” he announces, wincing as he stands up, accidentally stumbling into your arms slightly, his legs giving out at the pressure of his weight, asleep from the inactivity. Immediately, your hands jump to catch him, one on his elbow, the other settling on his waist, until he gets his barings moments later.

“Perhaps… I should not have sat so long,” he groans when his body pops a few times as he stretches, his cane being gently set in his hand. You nod, raising an eyebrow.

“Movement is good,” you pause before grinning. “Do you need a piggy-back ride back to the house?” he flushes at Jayce’s bark of laughter, nose scrunching up in playful distaste, fighting his own smile.

“I believe I will be able to make it on my own, thank you, Dove.”

Shrugging, you press a chaste kiss to the corner of his lips, tsking him gently when he moves to chase your lips.

“The offer is there,” you muse, turning to start towards the door, smiling to yourself as you hear the click trailing behind you. There is a pause behind you, making you stop at the door, not turning towards him.

“No work,” you remind him, earning a soft whine but you hear the stack of papers flop back into the desk with a grumble. Jayce fights the grin until VIktor is at your side, no longer able to see his toothy smile.

“Take tomorrow off,” he calls to you both. Viktor is about to argue, but looks down at you, guilt washing over him again, so he sighs.

“Thank you,” he calls, following you out the door. You grin at Jayce, sending him a wink playfully. He laughs, shaking his head.

Magic, he swears. It has to be.

The trip home is relatively quick as you crowd him inside, gently tugging at his vest, helping him out of it. He allows you to tug it off his shoulders before fingers start pulling at the buttons on his burgundy shirt, a crooked grin stretching across his face.

“There are easier ways to get me out of my clothes,” he jokes despite the exhaustion practically etched into his very frame, shoulders slouched more than usual, deep purple bags under his eyes almost comically large. Humming in amusement, you brush your fingers gently down his chest, nails gently scraping at his skin, making his eyes flutter.

“Maybe once you've slept,” you purr, tugging his shirt off his shoulders gently, letting the fabric fumble to the floor as you lift your hand to cradle his face. He melts into your touch in relief, lips parting slightly when you run your thumb along his bottom lip. He just nods, looking at you through lidded eyes, the deep honey color glittering in the mid-afternoon sunlight.

“Promise?” he asks weakly, tugging you closer. You melt into his hold, nuzzling your nose into his throat, lips brushing along the skin there.

“Promise,” you whisper against his skin. “Now go take a bath, I will collect your clothes and then once you're out, perhaps we can take a nap together.” The breath that escapes his lips is shaky, tired.

“Yeah,” he smiles, nodding. “That sounds wonderful.”

The next several minutes are spent in silence as you help him settle into the bath, throwing in some of your salts to help with his muscles before pressing a kiss to his crown and snatching up the remainder of his clothes. Gently, he catches your wrist as you go to stand, running his thumb along the skin there, sending you a thankful smile. Turning your hand in his, you squeeze his hand gently before stepping away to let him relax quietly, watching him from the door as his head droops back, eyes closed.

Setting some milk on the stove, you wait for it to start to warm before dropping in his favorite mix- cinnamon, vanilla, nutmeg and clove. Christmas in a cup, he mused once. Smiling to yourself, you divvy it up once it's done before setting both mugs on the coffee table and moving to set out his favorite lazy day home clothes- a simple loose shirt with some sweatpants.

By the time he is out, you are still sorting out the laundry, humming to yourself. He stands behind you silently, taking in the sight with a smile. You only spot him when you turn slightly to grab another piece, jumping slightly at his sudden presence, hand coming to rest on your chest with a hushed laugh.

“You startled me,” you admit, making him grin.

“I am sorry, my dear,” he hums, leaning down to press a kiss on top of your head, a drop of water dripping to your cheek, towel thrown over his shoulder. “I couldn't help myself.” rolling your eyes at his teasing, you pull back to get a better look at him. Some color had returned to his cheeks, even the bags under his eyes had seemed to ease. He looks exhausted, but much more comfortable.

Without another word, he settles into the couch across from you, eyes settling on the mugs before him, eyes lighting up.

“Sweet milk,” he beams, grabbing the mug you had given him as your gag gift for christmas- #1 scientist scrawled across its front. He had loved it unironically, realizing you had made it for him.

They just don't make enough about scientists, you had pouted, nearly melting when he swore he loved it.

He does.

In fact, he rubbed it in Jayce’s face.

Chuckling at his childish wonder, you nod, pausing to take a sip of yours. It is only another few minutes of quiet as he sips on his drink and you sort laundry before he is tugging on your sleeve with a yawn.

“Darling?” you pause, looking up at him. He is lounging back, bad leg propped up slightly, head flopped on the pillows you keep on the couch for him, arms open pathetically as he throws you a sleepy smile. Giggling at just how cute he is, you nod, abandoning your task to settle into his arms. Humming in satisfaction, he physically wraps himself around you, nose burying itself in your hair as he hauls you to your side.

Squeaking, you grab onto him, burying your own face in his chest, grinning when you feel his chest rumble with his quiet laughter, arms tightening around you. Sighing happily, you set your chin to his chest, looking up at him through your lashes. His eyes are already on you, drooping with sleep.

“Sleep, Vik,” you hum, running your fingers over his arm gently, watching his eyes slide closed, a soft snore following not long after. Laughing softly to yourself, you cuddle closer, allowing the warmth to wash over you, tugging you under as well.

____

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@grumpyoutlaw @thehistoriangirl @rainbowpitofdoom @wizarrdofooze @uniquedeerwitch @ace-of-zaun @aerynwrites @queenxxxsupreme @beeblybub

If you would like to be added to the tag list, please send me a message or ask or something.

#poor sweet viktor #arcane viktor #arcane viktor x reader #viktor #viktor arcane #viktor arcane x reader #viktor league of legends #viktor the machine herald #viktor x reader #viktor x you #the machine herald #the machine herald x reader #machine herald viktor

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use-your-telescope · 7 months

Text

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 2: And You Have Every Right to be Scared

Summary: Theo ends up on SHIELD's Radar. Loki ponders his place among the Midgardians.

Author's Notes: First chapter with Theo POV! This is a much lighter chapter than the last one. Hoping to post Ch. 3 on 10/22, but it depends on how helping my parents move next weekend goes (I have it written, but having the time to post is another thing. If you enjoy, please reblog!

Content Warnings: None!

Word Count: 3,843

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Some Nights (Intro) - fun.

There are some nights I hold on to every note I ever wrote Some nights, I say "fuck it all" and stare at the calendar Waiting for catastrophes, imagining they'd scare me Into changing whatever it is I am changing into... And you have every right to be scared

It was really easy for Theo to pretend there wasn’t a sudden infestation of shadow creatures attacking Earth until she was locked in a dirty subway car beneath New York City with a horde of them.

Sure, she saw the recent news reports about their appearance in New York, not to mention the videos of different organizations struggling to fight them. Hell, at work she had treated some of the people who came into the Emergency Room after getting into a tussle with the little terrors. However, she was perfectly content to ignore the reports, the calls from Nick Fury, the stalking by Maria Hill, and the pestering by her Mémère to put her abilities to use by helping eradicate the beasts.

Nick Fury may have done her family a favor a while back, but they already repaid it tenfold. It was no secret that he always kept tabs on Theo, but she assumed it had less to do with him calling on a favor and more with ensuring someone with abilities like hers was always monitored.

If anything, the more Fury insisted on cornering Theo “to talk,” the more it seemed like Nick Fury had forgotten that Theo swore off everything affiliated with her powers. Theo was a civilian. She left that life behind, trading it in for stethoscopes and scrubs, and she was not about to go back. There was nothing that the Director of SHIELD could offer her that would change her mind. Besides, the hippocratic oath specified that Theo would do no harm, and if she really wanted to push Fury’s buttons, she could argue that the oath could apply to shadow creatures, even if they were eldritch horrors.

Well, that was what Theo told herself. In reality, she was content to ignore the shadow creature problem until a pack of the little monsters barged through the steel door of a subway car, snarling and slithering and reeking of death. Running crossed her mind, until one of the damn demons launched itself at Fran, the little old woman with the perfectly permed hair and smoker voice who always rode the subway back from her poker night at the same time that Theo was on her way home from work.

Hippocratic oath be damned, Theo was not about to let Fran die right after she won $200 from Eddie (who from what Fran had told her over the course of many train rides, sounded like an absolute asshole). Fran needed to live so she could celebrate, which meant the beasts needed to go, and Theo was the only one around with the skills to exterminate them.

A bit of strategic maneuvering among the chaos ensured that no one saw Theo activate her powers. Not even five minutes later, the subway car floor was littered with the dust of what was once the pests; she may have chosen to abstain from fighting, but after all that time combat still came to Theo like it was second nature. When all was said and done she slipped into the crowds, deactivated her powers, and returned to the scene, pretending to be just as shocked as everyone else.

In the days following the confrontation, the video of her singlehandedly obliterating the entire pack had gone viral. Even though Theo’s powers altered her appearance so a casual acquaintance could not identify her, anyone who knew about her little secret would instantly recognize her. Unfortunately, Fury and Maria were among the select few who knew exactly what they were looking at. After the video got out, the pair were somehow even more incessant in their attempts to speak to Theo, to the extent that she had to start relying on back doors and climbing out her fire escape to avoid them.

When the other members of the cover band Theo played in noticed her aversion to taking the main exits, they assumed she had a stalker. It certainly didn’t help that there was now a table of middle aged men in suits at every bar gig, standing out like a sore thumb amidst the younger, more casually dressed regulars. The only reason they didn’t call the police was because she eventually made up the claim that Stark Industries was recruiting her for their hospital that they just opened in Avengers Tower, so she was trying to make it less obvious to the people around her that she was being observed.

As far as lies went, it was terrible - certainly not one of her best - but somehow they believed it.

It was a bit harder to avoid the SHIELD agents when she was at soccer practice. They sat in their vehicles, parked far enough away that none of the other players noticed. Sure, it made Theo wonder if there were times other creeps sat there watching their practices, but she never brought it up. Her team had just qualified to play in their rec league championship, so they needed to stay focused.

A week after having to talk her bandmates out of calling the cops, Theo came home from a bar show to find Maria Hill accompanied by a collection of SHIELD agents in her apartment. The stalking was one thing, but entering her private space? Theo was moments away from banishing them to an alternate dimension, even if it meant she’d be in deep shit later on.

Before Theo could unleash her temper on the uninvited house guests, Maria uttered a phrase so startling that even Theo was rendered speechless.

“Director Fury wants to speak with you immediately - it’s about your parents and your sister.”

Cause there are some nights I hold you close, pushing you to hold me Or begging you to lock me up, never let me see the world Some nights, I live in horror of people on the radio Tea parties and Twitter, I've never been so bitter…

Two decades prior, had one inquired whether Loki could imagine himself living his life anywhere besides Asgard, Loki would have laughed at the preposterous nature of the statement.

In his naivety, he believed Asgard to be the golden realm, the very definition of a Utopia - why would one wish to live anywhere else? Certainly, other realms had their charms - Vanaheim’s lush landscapes always provided a peaceful retreat, and visiting Midgard to cause lighthearted chaos was a childhood pastime for both Loki and Thor - but why would one ever wish to live anywhere other than the realm of the Gods themselves?

As he sliced through another of what could best be described as “shadow beasts,” it occurred to Loki that the Norns had a rather cruel sense of humor. How else would he be in his current position, residing upon and working alongside the Midgardians to protect a realm which he was once sent to conquer? That morning, he was summoned to fend off a multiversal threat unlike anything he’d encountered among his many travels. The day before, he represented New Asgard at an international summit on environmentally sustainable food production practices. He had lived upon Midgard for over half a decade, with no sign of leaving any time soon.

Had someone informed younger Loki of what the fates had in store, he would have collapsed to the ground in a fit of relentless, all-consuming laughter which was so intense that one might think him mad.

Alas, Asgard was no more. The few Aesir who survived Ragnarok were brought to Midgard, to establish a new civilization on the very land where Odin uttered his final words. No sooner had the Aesir landed on Midgard were they called into battle, facing off with the Mad Titan himself, Thanos, as well as the Black Order. More Aesir perished in a truly intergalactic battle which barely succeeded in preventing the Titan from achieving his goal - eliminating 50% of all living creatures in the universe.

When the dust settled, the once mighty Aesir were reduced to a mere shadow of their former glory. They struggled to make sense of the tragedy, to attempt to rebuild without any of the tools which allowed the Aesir to thrive in the construction of Asgard.

The initial reaction to Loki’s presence in the realm he once terrorized was not kind. Had it not been for Thor’s advocacy and Banner’s testament that Loki was acting under duress when he attacked New York, Loki would have been banished from the realm, if not outright executed. Whether he deserved his brother’s arduous defense, Loki was skeptical, but without an alternative for where he would go or what he would do, Loki was forced to accept the support.

Selfishly, he was grateful for his brother’s foolish sentiment, though he would rather hug Sutur than admit it aloud.

Preparing the Midgardians for what to expect when Thanos would inevitably arrive, as well as fighting alongside the Midgardians to defeat Thanos brought a tenuous truce. He no longer endured harassment when venturing beyond New Asgard, but scandalized whispers followed him as if they were the shadow of his legacy - a legacy of destruction, of embodying the monster which parents told their children of at night, of betraying those who he claimed to love. Those nearby would put forth a concerted effort to avoid crossing paths with the trickster, providing him a wide berth wherever he went.

While the Midgardians were unafraid to hide their distrust, the attitudes which the Aesir held towards Loki were more difficult to ascertain. Perhaps they were conflicted; the time which Loki posed as Odin was among the most peaceful and prosperous that the realm had known, though it was at the cost of banishing the Allfather to a care home on Midgard. Banishing the Allfather led to Odin’s passing, which brought the return of Hela, and eventually caused Ragnarok. Though prophesied, it was not a stretch to argue that Loki’s actions served as the catalyst for the demise of thousands. And while Loki ensured the salvation and evacuation of many Aesir by piloting the Statesman to Asgard, it never should have reached such a state where evacuation was necessary. Sure, he unleashed Sutur and ultimately ended Ragnarok, but that was simply a matter of finishing what he started.

Then there was Loki’s involvement with the interruption of Thor’s coronation, the invasion of Jotunheim, the banishment of Thor, and the killing of his father, Laufey. All of which led to his involvement with the Mad Titan and the Black Order - a time which Loki had no interest in revisiting, but caused irreparable harm to many people and multiple realms. And though most were unaware, Loki could be traced back to the death of Frigga - had he not informed Kursed where to find Jane, the Allmother would have remained alive. He may have nearly sacrificed himself to protect Jane Foster, but one heroic moment was nowhere near the atonement required for his past actions.

The search for atonement was how Loki found himself fighting alongside Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

It had been Thor’s idea. The oaf believed that joining the Avengers would cast Loki in a positive light and improve his reputation, which would be important if he were to remain on Midgard and ruling New Asgard by Thor’s side. Additionally, joining the Avengers would provide the younger prince with a means by which to continue practicing magic, as well as access to knowledge and resources which might satisfy Loki’s more scholarly nature.

The case Thor put forth was not terrible; perhaps a lesser being would have been swayed. However, neither of the reasons he provided were the cause of Loki relenting to the constant pestering about assisting the Heroes.

Loki viewed the agreement to join the Avengers as reparations, or paying his penance. He did not expect the Avengers to welcome a villain into their midst, much less a monster - he certainly was no hero. If anything, he expected them to view him as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They would be civil towards the Asgardian, and in exchange he would provide whatever assistance they needed while maintaining a safe distance.

That was years ago. In recent days, Thor swore the Midgardians had come to love Loki, though Loki was hardly convinced. Sure, the Midgardians no longer made a point to avoid the younger prince wherever he went; if he was out in public with Thor, from time to time a passerby would approach and ask for a photo with the trickster instead of the God of Thunder. The media relished opportunities to interview the God of Mischief, during which he turned on his charm and played the reporters like a fiddle. It was all a show. Loki knew that it was a facade, an illusion - a part he played in the elaborate scheme of things. Still, there were moments where he allowed himself to dwell on what it might be like to truly belong, to know he was not alone.

A flash of movement in the corner of his vision caught Loki’s attention. He turned to find Maximoff unleashing a blast of chaos magic on a pack of the eldritch vermin which had overrun the streets as of late. She offered a bright smile and wave; Loki allowed one corner of his lips to quirk upward as he nodded at her.

Even if his responsibility was little more than to play a part, there was something to be said for the recent challenge which occupied the Avengers’ time. Shadow creatures, for lack of a better term, randomly started appearing in New York, attacking random civilians and destroying anything they touched.

In the many years since Loki had adopted Midgard as his place of residence, never had he encountered a situation quite like this. All efforts to identify the origin of the beings had been futile. The creatures were not like anything encountered by any of the Avengers, Loki included, and even among the seemingly endless supply of information available to the Avengers, no record of similar creatures appeared anywhere. The magical aura which emanated from the creatures was quite distinct from anything Loki had encountered before.

And yet, the prospect of a challenge that not only required skill in battle, but a certain intellectual pedigree brought a spark that he had not felt in quite some time. Perhaps it was an antidote to the drudgery.

Or, perhaps it was a chance to prove to himself that he was in fact worthy of the title of “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.”

He didn’t dare dwell on the thought.

And you, why you wanna stay? Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately? Lately, I've been going crazy... And you, why you wanna stay? Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately? Lately, I've been fucking crazy...

She must have lost her mind.

Flanked by a pair of SHIELD security guards, Theo cursed herself for agreeing to go with Maria. Really, she must have lost her mind - that was the only reasonable explanation that Theo could come up with for her lapse in judgment. After all, everyone in her immediate family was dead, and they had been dead for a long time. If she couldn’t bring back the dead, there was no way that anyone affiliated with SHIELD could.

What could Nick Fury possibly want to speak with Theo about regarding her parents and her sister that hadn’t been discussed long ago?

When she considered the situation, it was more realistic to assume that there was probably some treaty that Theo broke by using her power. Given she wouldn’t come willingly, they must have realized they needed to lure her out so they could lock her up - even if the Sokovia Accords were no longer enforced, it didn’t mean people were still a bit put off by anyone with… abilities. Again, another reason why she had no interest in using her powers.

Along the cool tile floor, Theo’s black oxford shoes clicked with each step. The sound echoed off the sterile halls, while harsh fluorescent lights illuminated the path forward. Staring ahead, Theo had to stop herself from snickering when she realized Fury’s bald head actually shined under the light, as if he polished it for the occasion.

What would happen if Theo told them she changed her mind? Would they grab her and drag her into whatever interrogation room they undoubtedly had set up for her? Would they skip the interrogation and toss her into a cell? Or would they let her slip away?

Probably the first option. Maybe the second. The third was laughable. This was SHIELD they were talking about; they probably had some kind of ward on the entire compound to restrict any special abilities.

No, it was too late - she had come too far, and she couldn’t turn back. She may as well play along and see what they wanted. If nothing else came from it, she was curious to see what on earth would be related to her family.

Then again, Curiosity killed the cat… or some shit like that.

Well, nothing managed to kill her yet, so it was safe to say that curiosity probably wouldn’t be her cause of death.

Arriving at their destination, Maria scanned her badge to unlock the steel door. Fury entered first, not even offering a nod of acknowledgement to Maria. With a tense smile, Maria gestured for Theo to enter next. Theo forced the closest thing she could offer to a smile before following suit.

Based on the hallway they just exited, Theo expected an interrogation room to await her. Instead, she was greeted by black leather chairs with high backs, which surrounded a relatively small table constructed from metal and glass. A projector dropped down from the ceiling, pointed at a screen on the opposite end of the room. There were no windows. Pale gray walls echoed the metal finishes found throughout the rest of the SHIELD facility.

A conference room.

“Sit.” Fury gestured to a chair, though he didn’t make any effort to sit himself.

Keeping her eyes trained on the director, Theo cautiously lowered herself into the seat.

“I thought you were done fighting.” Fury began, crossing his arms and glaring at Theo.

“I thought you could control your interplanetary invasions better, but if it’s between having to fight versus watching little old Fran get ripped to shreds, I’m protecting Fran.” Leaning back in her seat, Theo crossed her arms and returned Fury’s glare. “You know that I want nothing to do with this, so why won’t you leave me alone?”

“We understand that you want to be a civilian, but you know more about shadow creatures and the world they come from than anyone else,” Maria answered, taking a seat across from Theo and folding her hands together atop the table. “We wouldn’t be trying to enlist you if we felt we had other options to stop them.”

“So you lied about having something I needed to know about my family so you could get me down here and beg me to help?” An incredulous laugh snuck out of Theo as she shook her head. “That’s low, even for SHIELD–”

“Your parents and your sister are alive.”

With seven words, Nick Fury rendered Theo speechless.

It wasn’t possible; there was no way they were alive. Theo was there - she saw their blood spilled on the cobblestone streets, empty eyes reflecting back a city engulfed in flames. Their final cries still rang in her ears on the darkest nights.

Searching his face for proof that he was trying to trick her, Theo only found the harsh glare and narrowed eyes that the director cast at everyone around him.

Fire coursed through Theo’s veins at the audacity of Fury’s claim; that he believed he could fool her was almost enough to make her leave right then and there.

“Bullshit.” Theo clenched her jaw, her hands balled into fists as they remained in her lap. “You know as well as I do that they were killed in the massacre—”

“Proof.” To make his point, Fury slapped a manila folder down in front of Theo. “They may have been in the massacre, but they weren’t killed.”

Biting back her ire at Fury for the moment, Theo turned her attention to the contents of the folder. Photos, partially redacted communication records, measurements of their magical signatures, all relatively recent - her mother, her father, and her sister.

An avalanche of thoughts cascaded in Theo’s mind. If this was the case - if they were really alive, how did they survive? Where were they now? Why hadn’t they tried to contact Theo, or Mémère, or the council?

Theo drew in a deep breath, holding it for a five-count, then released it slowly.

“This doesn’t make sense,” She said, scanning over the documents yet again. “If you know they’re alive, where are they? Why aren’t they here?”

“Here’s the deal: you help us with the shadow creature invasion, and we’ll help you reunite with your family.” Rather than answer Theo’s question, Fury leaned forward, folding his hands together and resting them on the table. “Work with the Avengers to investigate and eliminate whoever’s at the center of these invasions. If you do, once you’re reunited with your family, we’ll leave you alone.”

“Wow, that seems rather manipulative, don’t you think?” Theo drawled, her tone unapologetically sharp as she glared at the pair of SHIELD agents across from her. “Withholding my family from me in exchange for my services?”

“We’ll need to work together in order to reach your family anyways,” Maria pointed out with a small shrug.

“You help us, we’ll help you.” Fury pressed.

Some people believed in fate. Some people believed in destiny. Theo didn’t believe in either - while she had been placed in positions where it seemed like she had no choice more times than she could count, she knew that she, ultimately, was the one who decided her path forward. At times, the decisions were obvious, but there were plenty of decisions made that kept Theo up at night.

This was one decision she was not ready to make.

“Give me two days to think it over,” Theo countered. “I’ll find you when I’ve made up my mind.”

Two days was reasonable - she needed time to do some research of her own, figure out what parts of the situation Fury was holding off on telling her, and weigh the risks of agreeing to the proposal.

Then again, if they were alive… What did she have to lose?

There are some nights I wait for someone to save us But I never look inward, try not to look upward And some nights I pray a sign is gonna come to me But usually, I'm just trying to get some sleep... Some nights!

Tag list: @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @thedistractedagglomeration @lokisgoodgirl @simplyholl @mochie85 @coldnique @lokixryss @gigglingtiggerv2 @infinitystoner @loopsisloops @mischief2sarawr @crzyplantladyvibes @buttercupcookies-blog @vickie5446 @wolfsmom1 @sarahscribbles @loki-cees-all @the-lady-amphitrite @tripleyeeet - let me know if you want to be added!

#loki fluff #loki angst #loki #loki fanfiction #loki smut #(eventually)#when everything's made to be broken #WEMTBB #loki x oc #loki fanfic #loki marvel #loki mcu #avengers AU #slow burn

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lanitalay · 5 months

Text

In the Woods Somewhere

Lucien x reader

A/n: I am a Hozier girly and this song just screams Lucien to me. Enjoy.

Warnings: angst

Word count: 1.1k

When I awoke

The moon still hung

The night so black that the darkness hummed

A gasp broke through the delicate quiet of the night. Clutch your chest, heart pounds. Shallow and jagged breathing cloud your ears. It's all you can feel. All you can hear. You don’t know how long it's been since you were unconscious. Or how you ended up in the middle of the woods.

I raised myself

My legs were weak

I prayed my mind be good to me

Calm now, you were calm. Check for wounds. Assess the situation. Feel around for your weapon. Find the dagger next on the ground. Sticky blood coating the blade. Slowly stand, try to avoid rustling any leaves. Feel trapped. Caged in by the walls of darkness, the moon a spotlight on your worst nightmare. They were getting closer, closing. The darkness now comes from above as a dense cloud blocks the moonlight. A coffin. The forest would be your final resting place. It was fair, you thought. The forest provides life but it also takes it. Eats up everything within, eventually. You feel wiggling underneath and over your feet. Worms.

An awful noise

Filled the air

I heard a scream in the woods somewhere

He had heard the scream and ran towards it. These were his woods, his forest. But they were also his brother’s. His father’s. The scream reminded him of nights spent being flogged, blood splattered on maple trees and sadistic, power hungry laughter. So he ran, dodging trees and boulders and low branches from memory. He and the forest were one and the same, an extension of one another.

A fox it was

He shook, afraid

I spoke no words, no sound he made

Dagger points in the direction of the rustling. The sound of crunching leaves nearing you by the second. You took a defensive position and hoped it was an animal. The noise stopped as quickly as it started. The lid from your casket lifted and the moon soaked the male face in front of you.

He raises his hands “I mean you no harm”, he says in a low voice. The dagger stays in place “where am I?”

“This is the Hickory Groves”

“What’s your name?”

“Lucien”. Vanserra. He didn’t have to say it and you knew enough of the High Lord’s heirs to know you were in danger. Killing him was not an option. Running would make it a chase. So you standstill. Knife pointed at his heart.

“I mean you no harm” he repeats, low, gentle.

The Hickory Groves… the part of autumn that borders Spring. Where females of all ages get discarded by their families, elders or, in your case, lover. The top of the coffin gets brought down again. You gulp. Foxes like to play with their food. If he was here it was for no good reason.

A small flame appears from one of his raised hands and you can see him again, more clearly now. He was handsome. At least you’d die at the hand of a pretty bastard. A miniscule mercy. His claws and fangs more preferable than the other creatures that stalk these woods.

I saw new eyes were watching me

The creature lunged

I turned and ran

To save a life I didn't have

Lucien remained still. You had not moved an inch in what felt like an age. Slow, calculating steps circled you. He extinguished the flame. You had seen enough. When the steps sounded like they were right behind him you turned and ran as fast as you could in the opposite direction. Leaving Lucien in between you and the creature.

Deer in the chase

There as I flew

Forgot all prayers of joining you

As you ran you heard the sound of a struggle. The thud of a fallen body. Then more steps racing. You zig zag and try to lose the hunter. The first rays of sun guide you towards the edge of the forest. You run and run and promise yourself that when you reach the valley whatever is following you will disappear. A pathetic wish of a desperate girl. But when you see more rays, the sky littered in pink and peach hues you run faster. The valley looks endless, mist coats the furry hills, green leaves fade to red in the distance. The steps had ceased, you notice but half way through a sigh of relief a towering figure appears next to you. Your heart stops.

“You’re a fast runner”

“I thought you dropped dead”

“That was not me, to the dismay of some”

“What is a lordling doing in the Grove of Rejects?” He snorts at the question “Is that what you call this place?” You shrug “everyone in my village knows that if you want to get rid of someone you send them here”.

“You were sent here?”

“Scrapped is more like it”

“By who?”

“Curious? I think it was a male from my village. He thought me too poor to marry but good enough to bed”

“Why bring you here?”

“I have a bit of a reputation for having a… temper. He must not want to face my wrath. Not that he had anything to worry about, I thought him too much of a brute to marry. Now though… I’ll gut him for this”

I clutched my life

And wished it kept

My dearest love, I'm not done yet

Warm skin presses against your back and drapes across your waist.

“What did you think of me when we first met?”

“I was sure you wanted to kill me”

“You were the one with the knife”

“You were chasing me”

“I’m still chasing you”

“You have me”

“Do I really?” You tense. Lucien had taken it upon himself to deal with the male that dropped you in the middle of the woods that day. Ever since he had visited you under the guise of a routine check up on one of the more isolated villages of the Autumn Court.

He visited frequently enough that you became friendly. He stayed late enough that you became intimate.

Turn to face him. Graze his cheek with the palm of your hand and savor the warmth that radiates within his caramel skin. Raw eyes pierce your own. He wants you. He wants this and he wants more.

“A bride of Autumn has no happy life” he knew it. He saw his mother cry.

“We could leave it all behind” you place a shaky finger on his swollen lips.

“One day, my love, but not today”

How many years

I know I'll bear

I found something in the woods somewhere

#acowar #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #acofas #acotar fanfiction #jurian acotar #lucien vanserra #acomaf #acosf #lucien acotar #lucien #a court of thorns and roses #feyre archeron #azriel #rhysand #acotar fanart #autumn court #autumn #hozier

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byullielle · 9 months

Text

In a Lost Corner of Your Heart // Bf!Skz Hyung Line x Gn!Reader

Silent Cry hurt/comfort for y/n who has a shitty day and would rather not talk about it or show themselves crying. this is how it is handled by the most loving man in their life

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Crying, Est. Relationship

Disclaimer: if you dont like the heavy feely stuff i suggest walk away from this one for now. if it wasn't obvious silent cry is a one of my favorite songs, i love this song sm i will die on this hill. i am totally not projecting, this is not a call for help.

bang chan

You sigh and toe your shoes off, the heavy feeling in your chest getting more and more unbearable by the minute. You sink down to the floor, giving into the gravity that your body has been craving ever since you got off the station. The apartment is dark, and you finally simply let go, unable to contain the frustration clawing up at your chest like you're about to throw up in agony.

First, it was one tear, slipping from your eyes before landing on your palm, then another, then it steadily cascades down your face as you whimper in sheer pity for yourself, slumped down like a ragdoll because of your frustration. You wipe away the tears before it gets replaced by a fresh set, and a choked-up sob loud enough to shake the entire building escapes you. And then you hear it.

Clasping a hand over your mouth you hear shuffling and see the light in your bedroom turn on as Chan suddenly comes bolting out of the room. This shocks you, assuming nobody was even home, to begin with, absolutely no sign of life upon entry. You scramble up to your feet and frantically wipe your tears away, patting off the dust as Chan rushes up to you by the small foyer of your shared apartment.

"Y/N?" concern reverberates in his voice as you shake your head and hold your arms forward, stopping him from touching you lest you wanted to break down again. "I- I'm alright!" your voice cracks a bit and you wince. "I- Just a bit tired, is all," you try convincing him, and yourself.

Chan stands there, arms still stretched out, "Let me hold you, yeah?" he gently cajoles, not wanting to sound like he was pressuring you, "It'll help. If you really don't like it, I'll let go, then you can have the bedroom to yourself for a while, how does that sound sweetheart?" he bargains as you hesitantly nod.

He inches closer to you, taking your hands into his as you sniffle, wanting to wipe the wet tears painting your cheek but he holds a hand up, gently caressing the trail away. You can't look into his eyes, and he doesn't force you to, simply feeling the way the pad of his thumb circles around the back of your palm. Then he closes the space as much as he could, engulfing you in a tight embrace.

The dams break, your lip quivers and you tremble so badly he has to tighten his grip around you and guide you back down on the floor, now encased between his legs as you let out the most guttural cry he has ever witnessed you let out.

He rubs your back, pressing gentle kisses on your shoulder and temple, letting you sob out like a baby in his arms, his hoodie drenched in your tears. "There, there," he whispers against you temple, rocking you back and forth in his arms, "It hurts?"

"So much!" you wail out, tugging him closer as he gently runs his hands in your hair. "Chan it hurts," you let out in a rough cry, and he keeps his ministrations up, further driving you into crying but ultimately lightening the weight on your shoulder. "Okay, okay," he whispers, "I got you. Don't worry, just keep crying," he rubs your shoulder.

"I'll be right here, yeah?" he assures as the sobs soften, "I'll never leave your side,"

lee know

He could feel that something was off when you started spacing off at dinner, unable to hold eye contact with him the moment you got home. And honestly, you were pretty tired and frustrated after most probably one of the shittiest days you've ever had in your life. It broke your ego and your heart all at once and eating seemingly felt like a chore, a trigger.

You've been picking at your vegetables, the beans on your plate rolling around as your boyfriend closely observes you, getting worried bit by bit at the disinterest in food.

"Y/N-ah?" he calls out, snapping you out of the pit you're about to fall into, a hum escaping your throat in response only to be stopped by a heavy lump in your throat. Your shoulders felt heavy, and your eyes stung but you did your best to look up at him. "Are you full?" is what he asks as you quietly nod. He hums and stands up, going over to your side and taking your plate, "You haven't touched a lot, if you get hungry it'll be in the fridge," he informs, pressing your idle body to his torso before running a hand on your head, smoothing your hair out, "I can heat it up for you later," he offers before walking to the refrigerator.

You aren't sure if it was that gesture, or the fact that you felt even shittier for having him witness his food be unfinished but you barely feel the first trickle of tears until the glass on the dining room table is decorated with flattened drops. You bring a hand up you cheek and you realize that you're crying.

And then the relief mixed with disappointment floods in. It barely comes out as a squeak, yet it still makes Minho turn. You don't see his face, but his eyes widen at the sudden influx of tears hitting the dinner table. You simply let it all out little by little, easing into the tears as the events of today come back at you with a vengeance, your heart squeezing in despair so much you couldn't help but bring a hand up your chest.

And then suddenly, a glass of water and a box of tissues are placed in front of you, before feeling Minho's gentle hand cup your face and coerce you to look at him. He wipes your face with tissue, then places a folded piece in between your nose. You hesitate but you blow into it anyway, muttering a soft and broken, "Sorry," before he crumples it up and takes your hands, pressing your foreheads together as you close your eyes, still sniffling and crying while he rubs comforting squiggles and shapes onto the skin of your palm.

"Bad day?" he asks, voice so sweet you could feel another influx of emotions hit you like a truck. You wordlessly nod, another set of violent sobs racking your body into a tremble. Minho presses a kiss to your forehead, then on your cheek, then on your lips—chaste yet filled with love. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

You shake your head. And he simply concedes, "I'll be here to listen. Just keep at it," he encourages, making sure you take a few sips of water first before carrying on, "My brave brave jagiya," he sighs out and pulls you into his arms, your head leaning on his shoulders and his arms around you comfortingly. "Thank you," you manage to mutter out.

"Always," he whispers against the crown of your head. "It'll be okay,"

changbin

You are waiting for Changbin in your car, the grip on the wheel so tight the leather cover squeaks against the material underneath, your knuckles white and bones almost threatening to pop out of your skin. You're willing the stress away, glaring ahead as you try to let the harsh feelings swirling through you simply simmer down for another day because you've already had a meltdown in the bathroom a while ago, you're not about to have another one. In Changbin's presence too no less.

A knock on the window jolts you up from your thoughts, seeing Changbin peering through the window as you clumsily unlock the car while plastering a somewhat sincere smile at him. "Hey," you greet, a bit stiff but if you talked or moved any further you could feel the emotions wait to pounce and hold your rationality hostage.

"Hey there gorgeous," he leans over and presses a kiss on your cheek while settling into the passenger's seat, "Thanks for picking me up baby," he smiles at you before stopping and looking at the grip you have on the steering wheel, a trail of veins popping out against your flesh.

"Let's head home?" you ask, a bit soullessly while he hums both in apprehension and suspicion. "Yeah," he simply answers.

You take a deep breath and then start the car, hands on the steering wheel and still on neutral, foot to the break. Your body locked up, like if you were to remove your foot off the brake and shift to first gear you'd just lose it. So you don't, and you sit there plastered and frozen to your seat like an idiot.

Changbin is looking at you, concern washing over his features before he reaches over and pulls the handbrake up, turning the ignition off. "Baby?" he clasps a hand over your tense arms and then you just break down right there. You slam your head against the stiff steering wheel, starting to cry as the tears sting your eyes before rolling down your face.

Bin, concerned for your forehead, unbuckles his seatbelt before running to your side, opening your door before unbuckling your own seatbelt, and turning you towards him. There is a death grip on his wrist but that didn't matter to him—because when you look up and meet his eyes you could see his heartbreak right in front of you. "It's okay," he sighs and pulls you into a hug, your face pressed to his chest. "Oh baby," he coos, your hand still locked on his wrist, "What happened?"

"It's bad Bin," you wobbly let out, a cough knocked out of you out of the pressure building up in your chest, a desperate wheeze escaping you. Changbin gets to eye level with you, the erratic breathing worrying him so much. "Wait, baby, breathe," he guides your hand to his chest, making sure you look directly into his eyes, "Breathe in, please Y/N. Breathe in," he guides you while breathing in slowly himself. You try to mirror him, a shaky yet slowly steadying a deep breath in filling your lungs.

"Then out," he prompts, his chest slightly expanding as you scramble to follow along. "Slowly baby, one more," he cajoles out of you. It takes you a while, the sharp pain in your chest out of frustration ebbing in and out of your system while tears are steadily wiped away by him.

Your breathing eventually evens, rendering your cries into controlled and soft heaves. "You alright? Breathing okay?" he asks, running his hand to the sides of your hair before you lay your head towards the direction of his hand, closing your eyes.

"Kinda, yeah," you tiredly mumble out before he sighs in relief and presses a kiss to the back of your palm. "It's okay to cry my baby, should I drive?"

You quietly nod, shakily standing up from the driver's side before throwing yourself into Bin's arms, pressing a slightly damp and shaky kiss on his shoulder. "'M sorry,"

"Never apologize for something like this baby," he assures, rubbing your back. "Never, ever, apologize."

hyunjin

You wanted to throw your phone across the room but that wasn't plausible. With the infuriating running through your mind overtime, you grumpily stand up from the couch and head to your room. You don't necessarily mean to slam it shut but the loud sound rings through yours and unknowingly—even Hyunjin is shocked by the sudden noise, heard from his studio.

You start pacing around your room, running and tugging at your hair, nervously biting your nails, and ultimately feeling the need to just peel your skin off your muscles and implode on the spot, emotions too high for you to contain properly. Your eyes sting, hurt, and burn to the point of rubbing on them roughly just to keep the tears at bay but somehow it gets worse.

Because that is what pushes you to full-on cry, unable to hold it back anymore so while you rub your eyes out the tears follow along. A whimper escapes you before a knock on the door startles you, "Y/N? My love, you alright there?" he asks before you whine a 'leave me alone,'

You don't hear a response from him. And that was better for you because you give in and simply crash into the bed and full-on plant your face into one of your pillows, muffling the sobs escaping you while you curl into yourself and just allow yourself to feel. It's cold, and very unwelcoming as you feel it fuel your frustration even more before you give in. "Hyunjin-ah," you call out, mangled as it barely becomes coherent but not even a second in he is entering the room as if he never really left the door.

"You're upset," he points out before crawling into the bed with you, pulling the blankets with him before covering you both in the comfort of the soft material. He pulls you closer, legs slotted against each other while you grip his shirt tightly. "I hate feeling like this," it comes out more desperately than you'd like, wincing at the sound of your voice but Hyunjin hushes you, "I know. But it's also normal to feel like this on certain days," he assures you, "What is it that you're crying about my love?" he gently asks, "No matter how small, you deserve to cry, you deserve to lay your worries out so that it doesn't burden you. I am here to share that burden," he rubs your back while your tears soak the pillow your head is laid upon.

"Hyunjin-ah," you weakly cry out. He detaches a bit, looking down at your red and splotchy face before pressing a kiss on your lips, the pressure so comforting you let out another short sob. "You're safe. You're loved, and you aren't alone," he affirms, waiting it out as you bare your worries in front of him, the assuring and gentle touches to your back lifting the boulder digging into your heart.

lemme know if you want a maknae line for this one

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gyubby99 · 1 year

Text

Jelsa headcanons because THEMMMMM LOOK AT THEM

Elsa is an insomniac and Jack is a heavy sleeper I HAVE SAID IT AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN.

Love language is physical touch. Loves holding hands often to remind them that they're more than just cold hands

Elsa loves looking at him when he's not looking. And when he does, she smile grows as he smiles as well.

Dumbasses. There are millions of dumbasses but they're my favorite.

Elsa sometimes doesn't get his dad jokes

Jack talks about Elsa the way Aladdin talked about Jasmine to the genie in that one scene

In Taylor Swift songs, I would describe their relationship dynamic as the 'sweet nothing' and 'afterglow' type.

THEY BOTH ARE MAMA'S BABIES. JACK IS A MAMA'S BOY AND ELS IS A MAMA'S GIRL. FOR SURE.

They both do not know how to dance and they just sort of learned to dance with each other.

Elsa takes her gloves off when she's with him. (Pre-coronation)

I don't think Elsa gives him the silent treatment when they fight. She knows that all his life people were passing through him like he doesn't exist, so pretending that he doesn't exist would strike a memory in him.

Constantly argues, but not too much. It's normal for them to have disagreements and things doesn't necessarily have to end up with them raising voices.

Elsa will do anything to get cuddles with this man. Everything.

Enjoys stargazing.

Taylor and Joe = Them. End of discussion. They're a little too significant it leaves me in awe

Elsa has panic attacks, Jack has nightmares. Get them therapy.

They're menaces that Tooth and Anna has to keep in a leash constantly /hj

Jack: "I still love you no matter how many times you sing in the middle of the night"

Jack is Elsa's ball of sunshine aside from Anna.

Jack jokes about how big her eyes are

Elsa steals his hoodie.

Jack is a switch for sur-

I cannot stress enough how much they love being in each other's arms. Ten page long essay. Powerpoint presentation. I'll do it.

They'd be cheezy parents that their future kids would be embarrassed of them being over each other.

Jack kisses her all over when she's mad at him

They both play pranks at Anna

Jack makes funny faces to make Elsa laugh when she's upset and it works.

Their mutual pining lasted longer their actual relationship /hj

Jack has scars on his back from when Pitch yeeted him, and Elsa was the first one he trusted to see them.

Elsa is a songwriter and he listens to her works.

Their first kiss was under the mistletoe

They make perfect snow angels

Elsa makes a huge ass snowball like she did with Anna in that one short clip while chasing Jack in high heels and he'd never felt more terrified and inlove before in his life.

Jack's the flirty one, but when elsa flirts back, best believe he just stands there beet red.

Jack is big on surprises, and Elsa loves giving gifts.

Their pet name for each other is either Love, or Snowflake/Frosty. Im not accepting anything more. This is my headcanon.

Elsa is thirsty for him. Girlie I know what you are. She's the thirsty one in the relationship

They're both bisexuals :)

Jack fell first, Elsa fell harder.

Sunshine = Elsa. Sunshine protector = Jack.

Jack gets along with Elsa's snow children (olaf, marshmallow, snowgies) very well. They're his children now. Marshmallow has a soft spot for his dad. All of them appeared in Jelsa's wedding. Marshmallow cried.

Jack starts the snowball fights, Elsa finishes them.

Lots of bickering.

Jack teases her about the "let it go" sequence and she loathes it.

They both play with Sandy's dream sands.

Elsa gets along with Tooth very well. Me personally, I see Tooth as too busy swooning over Elsa's teeth to consider her a love rival. They're besties and that is the hill I am prepared to die on.

For the first time in Jack's life, when they first started dating, Jack Frost was on the nice list.

North SHIIIIPPS THEMMM. He'd be the type to embarrass Jack in front of Elsa and HE WOULD. HE WOULD.

The elves adore Elsa and Jack had to shoo them away for being all over her.

Elsa helps North make toys and Jack is just being Jack.

They love playing with each other's hairs. They can't stand cuddling without doing it.

Elsa, surprisingly, was an open book to Jack.

Jack's favorite pillow is her lap.

#jelsa #royalfrost #snowtp #jelsa headcanons #jack x elsa #elsa and jack frost #crossover #crackships #rise of the brave tangled frozen dragon #rotbtfd #2013 flashbacks #here to remind u that this is still a thing

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ashes-writing · 1 year

Text

stranger things ● the new girl pt 2 ● g. emerson

warnings

swearing, bullying , jason carver / Andy, awkward flirting, Gareth using a firm tone, you all know that tone ashes will die on the dominant hill obvs, he is and y'all are sleeping on that shit, a little splash of 'bickering like an old married couple despite literally just meeting' and a big ol' dash of mutual pining. reader is female with long and curly hair, no other physical traits mentioned beyond that. why yes.. yes i am hellbent on reviving his tag. listen he's my grumpy lil drummer dude i can't just let it die.

word count

3657 exactly. Part Two... for now.

** if you guys were to hint you want more... this could /possibly/ be arranged... maybe.**

summary

continued from ( this post )

Gareth can't get you out of his head so he tracks you down. Maybe you're a little flirt and maybe.. just maybe.. he's into it.

taglist

-- if you want to be added to my stranger things taglist again, please go ( here ) to add your name otherwise I don't tag.

@tbmunson - bestie you knew i was tagging you. this is about our boy.

@allelitesmut

other links

masterlist ● gareth's masterlist ● about + rules

He hasn’t seen you since that morning. Not that he’d ever admit he was actively looking in the first place, but.. It’s as if you got his attention with your antics that morning and you promptly vanished off the face of the earth.

By lunch, he’s described you to at least three different people and all he’s gotten are blank stares. Questioning glances.

That is, until he talks to Anna, a girl in his English class, the class he has lunch during.

She just laughs. “What do you want with her anyway, Gareth?”

Gareth shrugs because he doesn’t even really know the answer to the question she’s just asked. Parts of him want to make sure he didn’t imagine the whole thing. Other parts of him are curious about him.

“If she’s not out behind the cafeteria with the other smokers, she’s in the art classroom… I think.” Anna answers after a few seconds. Gareth walks out into the hallway and he tells himself he’ll leave it alone. He tells himself if you wanted to be found, if you wanted to see him again, you’ll bump into him first.

But as he passes the Art classroom, laughter and the sound of Fleetwood Mac drifts out into the hallway and draws him to a stop at the door. He’s leaning in the doorway and blue eyes scan the classroom. He’s perplexed because he doesn’t see anybody out front.

In the back of the classroom, you’re sitting on a low bookshelf, essentially vibing to Silver Springs as your friends talk back and forth about some party being held out in the woods on Friday night.

When the most powerful part of the song begins, you glare at Molly and Edith, silencing them with your gaze as you start to belt out the lyrics.

I'll follow you down til' the sound of my voice will haunt you

Give me just a chance

You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you

Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me

I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me

I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you

“Holy shit!”

“Belt it.”

“Girl.. why are you not in choir? We need a singer. It’s a dire need..”

You’ve got your head thrown back and you’re just belting the lyrics at the top of your lungs without a care in the world. Your feet swing and the heel of your platforms beat light against the cabinet below the counter you sit on. Your eyes are closed through this, you’re just feeling the song.

Gareth hears you belting out the song towards the back of the classroom and he’s torn for a second, hesitating in the open doorway. He knows he should walk away, go to lunch and stop looking for you in crowds like he has been most of the day. Common sense tells him that if you wanted to be found, he’d have seen you at least once in the hall by now.

He comes to a stop as he catches sight of you and three other girls he recognizes from various classes he’s had with them over the years and he gets to watch as you thrash your head around and sing “I’ll follow you down ‘til the sound of my voice will haunt you.” with your head thrown back and your eyes squeezed shut as if you’ve felt every single line in the song playing.

Adeline spots him and nudges another girl, Molly.

“What do you want, Emerson?”

At the mention of his last name, your eyes pop open and you lower your head, locking eyes with Gareth Emerson, the boy from the hallway this morning. You give him this grin that starts at one corner of plump red stained lips and slowly, lazily, it spreads to the other. “Oh hey, there’s my hero!” somehow, your grin gets brighter.

And there’s this playful twinkle in your eyes that has his cheeks on fire. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and gives a little wave. And the amount of sass in that little gesture has you laughing soft, the sound makes him smile before he even realizes that it’s happening and he’s doing it.

You slip off the counter and saunter over, stopping still in front of him. “It was too loud in here, huh?” and you’re giving him this coy little pout as you say it, your fingers walking up the front of his plaid and lingering on the Van Halen patch that’s coming loose at a corner.

Gareth’s brain is frozen, words will not leave his mouth.

“If it’s too loud in here, he could’ve just kept walking.” Molly gives Gareth a scathing glare. Gareth rolls his eyes at Molly and he starts to respond with his own sarcastic comment, but instead, he just lets it go.

“You’re uh.. You’re really good.. At singing, I mean.” Gareth manages to mumble at last. You shrug it off and laugh softly, all while shaking your head. “Am not.” and after you toy with the loose corner of the Van Halen patch just a second longer, you make yourself look up at him. Bite your lip a second or two. Blue eyes fix intently on the way you’re biting your lip. And the little playful pouty thing you’re doing.

He has the passing thought that you’re flirting with him but as quick as the thought comes, he’s shoving it out again. Because no girl in her right mind flirts with one of the school freaks.

“It’s the song. It’s a spell. Or so I’ve heard.” you want to punch yourself in the throat as the words leave your mouth. The goal here was to come off as mysterious. Rebellious. Unbothered. Untouchable by the typical high school bullshit you’re forced to endure day in and day out.

Gareth chuckles quietly. It covers up the groan that almost comes when he realizes that apparently, in the space of seconds, one of you or the other has stepped much closer and now, as a result, your bodies are brushing against each other and all he can smell is strawberry and decadent vanilla as it hangs in the air between you both heavily.

“A spell, huh? That’s uh.. Interesting.” he can’t think of anything else to say. Meanwhile, Molly, Adeline, Edith and Maria are pushing past, hurrying to the door of the classroom to escape the thickening tension in the air.

“We’re going to lunch.” Molly announces. "The air is.. weird in here now." “So go to lunch.. You guys don’t like.. Need your hand held to do it.” you laugh, waving them away dismissively. Molly gives Gareth one last scathing glare and Gareth returns the glare without hesitation. And you catch the little glare, laughing softly to yourself about it. “Molly’s a pill.”

“Yeah, that’s uh.. That’s one way to put it.” Gareth mumbles, wanting the floor to open and swallow him whole when he says it. You’ve got your eyes trained on the front of his plaid shirt and you’re lightly clutching at it with your fingers.

You’re wearing red nail polish, he notices, and it’s chipping. Kind of makes him think you have a nail-biting habit. Wisely, he doesn’t say this out loud.

“You’re not going to eat?” he asks quietly.

You wrinkle your nose. “Depends. Smelled like road kill and shit when I walked out into the hallway a few minutes ago.. If they have salad?” you tilt your head, giving him a hopeful little look as you say it. Gareth clears his throat and shuffles his feet, redistributing the weight from one foot to the other.

He’s not a tall guy, not even slightly. Nearly every guy in school towers over him. But somehow, the fact that you come up to the center of his chest..does something to him. Something he’s better off not thinking about a whole lot, but it goes without saying.

“You smell really, really good. Clean.” you want to kick yourself when you realize you’ve said it out loud, in a dazed tone at that. Gareth snickers but his cheeks burn up all over again. He raises a hand and your eyes catch on long and thin fingers and you bite down on your lip and watch as thin fingers tangle in thick curls. His hair looks like it’d be soft to touch and every part of you wants to know if this is the case or not.

But the pause is awkward and lingering and it’s driving you crazy. And even though you don’t want to step away from the guy, you know that sooner or later, you’ll have to. You nod to the classroom door in front. “So uh… Food? You mentioned food?”

“Oh.. yeah. I did.” he wants to punch himself in the face. ,, This shit, man.. This shit is why you never really attempt socialization.” the thought comes and he shakes his head, annoyed with himself.

As the two of you wander out into the hallway, Jason Carver and his friends happen to be walking past. And naturally, Jason can’t just let him walk by without trying to regain the upper hand.

“Hey.. why don’t you let one of us show you around school, little girl?”

“Novel idea here, but why don’t you go fuck yourself, ape?” you retort, all with the sweetest smile you can manage on your face and one hand wound in your thick mess of long and wild hair. “Gareth can show me where things are.”

Gareth smirks as he happens to lock eyes with Jason and sees Jason seething in it.

As they start to walk away, you can’t resist what comes out. “You should’ve knocked him unconscious this morning with the book.”

But his only takeaway from any of this is somehow, you already know his name and he has not one clue what yours is. As the two of you approach the Hellfire table, Jeff nearly chokes on the sip of Tab he’s just taken. And Ethan is quick to grab another chair, shove it next to Gareth’s as he gives Gareth a shit-eating grin. You flop down in the seat and Gareth takes his usual chair.

“Hi.” you’re greeted by curious gazes from around the table. And you’re not the best at dealing with more than one or two people -smaller groups, at a time, so… You just kind of sit there, one leg tucked beneath you and your shoes resting below the chair you’re sitting in. You drag your spoon through the Trix yogurt you’d grabbed in the lunch line. And as you raise the spoon to your lips, Jeff speaks up, giving Gareth a pointed look.

“Are you gonna introduce your new friend, Gare?”

You laugh. “He would if he knew my name.” you’re only teasing, of course. Gareth grumbles, it’s something sarcastic about you being the one who’s been talking to him for nearly fifteen minutes by now and not one time have you introduced yourself and you snicker even more.

“Aww, you’re just a total grump, huh?” you say it in this overly teasing tone that both Ethan and Jeff pick right up on and they’re sharing a look across the table.

“My name is ___. Call me whatever though, really doesn’t matter.” you shrug and dig your spoon into your yogurt.

“Hey, don’t you live in that house right next door to the Creel house?” Mike asks as he gazes at you. You laugh and nod. “What’s the deal with that place anyway, huh?”

“Uh, well for one, it’s haunted.”

“That shit’s not real, Ethan, grow up.” Gareth grumbles, rolling his eyes. “It’s just abandoned. Guy lost his mind and murdered his entire family. Ghosts do not exist. The house isn’t haunted.”

You cringe. “Ick. Alright then.” you take another bite of yogurt and Gareth’s gaze lingers on the way the spoon disappears between your lips. And just to tease him a little, you laugh and ask, “How do you know ghosts don’t exist though, Gareth?”

“Because they just don’t.” Gareth argues back. Leaning into you like you’ve leaned into him. You pout a little and shake your head. “Maybe they do, though. Do you have proof they don’t, Gareth?”

“Science? Logic?” Gareth argues back, taking a bite of his cheeseburger. You burst into laughter and take one of your napkins, dabbing at the corner of his mouth. “You uh.. Ketchup, dude. You had ketchup.”

Dustin speaks up next because if he doesn’t, the tension between you and Gareth will choke them all. “So.. where’d you move here from?”

You laugh. “New Orleans, actually.”

“And that explains the accent.” Gareth mumbles, mostly to himself. You give him a light shove and roll your eyes. “Hey, mister. You have one too. Trust me. You guys sound just as weird t’ me, hon.”

It hits Jeff that you’re wearing a Black Sabbath tee shirt and he chuckles. “Sabbath fan, huh? You don’t look like the type.”

“Why the hell not?” you ask, pouting and laughing softly as you quickly explain that you were only joking just now. “But seriously, now I’m curious. What type do I look like?”

From behind you, Andy from your homeroom -and a serious thorn in your side since the first day you started Hawkins High, let it be noted- speaks up. “The type of girl who shouldn’t be sitting with these freaks. You don’t belong over here at their table, sweets.”

“I dunno, man.” you glance up at Andy over your shoulder and roll your eyes, “ Kind of feels like I’m better off sitting here than anywhere near you. Call them freaks again, jackass. I dare you.”

“You do realize that this is the opposite of fitting in, right? And you wanna fit in don’t ya, doll?”

“Ew. Disgusting.” you grimace as he calls you a doll for the thousandth time in a week. “Why are you even over here, ugh.. Go away.”

Mike is snickering when he leans in to whisper into Will’s ear, “This is amusing.”

“It is.”

As all this happens, Gareth is sitting beside you, fist clenching tighter and tighter around his fork. When Andy opens his mouth again to say something, Gareth turns halfway in his seat so that he’s facing Andy and he can look in his eyes. “Look, asshole. She said she doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe fuck off already? Or are you really that bad at taking hints?”

You swallow hard and shift in your seat when Gareth takes on the firm tone and tells Andy to get lost. You’re leaning against Gareth’s side just a little because someone’s come over to the table to talk to Jeff and Ethan and they squeezed in between where you’re sitting and where Jeff is sitting, so this forces you to get closer to Gareth just to make space. As your soft hair brushes against his arm, Gareth grips the edge of the table in front of him.

“What’d you say to me, you little shit?” Andy’s leaning down. Trying to get in Gareth’s face and you roll your eyes before speaking up. “Well, my question is answered.”

Andy’s gaze settles on you and he chuckles. “What? Who the real man is? Clearly it’s me, darlin.”

“No, I was actually wondering if you’re all as equally smooth-brained as that other idiot Jason. Now I know. Yes. You are.”

“You’re a mouthy little bitch, aren’t you?” Andy pops off, glancing at Gareth as he nods at you, “You might want to tell your girl to watch her mouth when she’s talking to me.”

The fork Gareth’s gripping in his hand snaps and when he speaks up it’s calm. Deathly calm. “For the last fucking time.. She told you to get lost. Get lost or you won’t like what happens.”

Andy realizes that the last time he’s seen Gareth this angry, it was 7th grade. Right before Gareth Emerson beat his ass in front of everyone at the park in town after school. And he smirks to save face. “Like you’re gonna do somethin’, freak.”

“He already did, idiot. Or did you forget 7th grade?” Ethan speaks up, amusement glinting in his eyes as he fixes them on the jock. Andy tenses up, flinching as if he’s been slapped. Jeff chuckles. “Our point exactly, man.. Save yourself and go.”

Andy walks away and you let out a ragged breath. “Finally. I thought he wasn’t gonna leave.”

Gareth fixes blue eyes on you. “You need to stop antagonizing them, damn it.” and the firm tone he chooses to use has Ethan and Jeff sharing a look, their brows raised because they’ve never really heard their best friend use that particular tone before. You pout a little and take a sip of your juice box, finishing it off. “‘Kay. Fine.. So I can just stab him in the eyeball with my fork next time?”

“No! Just leave those fucks alone, alright?” Gareth tries to but he can’t hide the slightest hint of panic when he has the outburst. Or the firm tone he’s used yet again.

You pout a little. “Fiiiiine.” you drag out the word and blow at hair as it falls into your face, muttering in a quieter tone, “Killjoy.”

“Look. You don’t know them like we do, alright? Just trust me. Antagonizing them is not a good idea.”

“He’s not wrong. They chased me and my friends home after school one day like they were going to run us down on our bikes in Jason’s Jeep.. and they were all laughing about it. Sane people don’t do that.” Dustin explains before going quiet.

As Eddie Munson saunters over, Gareth’s entire body tenses up. Jeff spots Eddie and calls out with a laugh, “You finally drag your ass to school, Munson?”

Eddie nods at you and mouths to Jeff, “Who the hell is she? Why is she sitting here?” and Jeff mouths back that he’ll tell him later.

Eddie’s smirking though, and there’s a mischievous gleam in doe eyes. “Gareth? You gonna introduce us to your new friend, man?”

You’re covertly slipping french fries off of Gareth’s plate like you’ve been doing for the better part of two minutes when Eddie clears his throat to get your attention. Gareth gives you a dirty look for helping yourself to his fries and you stick out your tongue at Gareth before glancing over at Eddie where he sits. “Yeah?”

“So.. do you have a name, sweetheart?”

“ ____. Call me whatever, though. Except sweetheart.”

Eddie chuckles. Rubs his chin thoughtfully as he glances from Gareth to you and smirks at Gareth. Gareth glares at Eddie, daring him to start his usual teasing and torment shit that he always does in these situations. Eddie merely shrugs.

“Sabbath fan, huh?”

“Noooo.. I just thought the shirt looked cool.” you deadpan, popping the top on your can of soda as you hold Eddie’s gaze and smirk. Then you grin and nod. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.. Yeah. They’re only my fourth?” you’re pausing, holding up your fingers and mumbling band names under your breath before grinning, “They’re my fifth favorite band.”

“Wait.. you named off all metal.”

“And?” you don’t miss a beat. “Something wrong with that?”

“Not at all.” Eddie shrugs. As soon as you’re preoccupied with a conversation Jeff starts with you about your old hometown and the lack of things to do there, Eddie leans into Gareth and chuckles. “Interesting..”

“What?” Gareth raises a brow, glaring at his best friend. “What’s interesting, Eddie?”

Eddie only laughs and shakes his head. “Nothing, Gare. Nothing at all.”

“I hate it when you do that shit, fuckhead.” Gareth rolls his eyes and grumbles.

“Lies. You love me, man. You know it and I know it.” Eddie chuckles. Rubbing his chin thoughtfully as Gareth turns his attention back to you. Eddie smirks to himself as he sits and watches Gareth watching you while you’re not looking, carrying on an animated conversation.

You talk with your hands a lot.

The realization has Gareth chuckling to himself.

,, She’s fucking stunning.. But the stunning girls don’t go for freaks.” the reminder wipes the little smile he had right off his face.

Someone mentions Corroded Coffin and your eyes light up. “You guys have a band?” you’re suddenly staring at Gareth intently, drawing him out of his own battle with pessimism. “No way.”

Gareth shrugs. Smirks a little. “I’m the drummer, actually.”

“Oooh.. I thought you were a drummer.”

You want to kick yourself when you say it.

Because he hasn’t noticed you in the last class of the day.. But you noticed him two days ago. Kind of hard not to when his go to habit when he’s bored and pretending to pay attention is to drum his pens softly against the top of his desk. You’d noticed him when you were trying to look around, see who kept making the little sound you were hearing behind you.

“How?”

“We uh.. We have 7th together. You drum your pens when you’re bored.” you pout a little as you say it too. Gareth’s mouth opens and then closes again.

“Wait.. you’re in my 7th class?”

“Mhm.”

“How’d I not know that?” he chuckles quietly. You shrug. “To be fair, I can be really quiet when I choose.”

“Uh-huh, right.”

You flip him off playfully.

The bell to end lunch rings and the two of you stand up at the same time. Pushed to a close proximity as you begin to migrate towards the area designated to put away lunch trays. You don’t move away, you move closer instead. Because there’s so many people and so much noise and maybe.. Just maybe.. Even if you’d never admit it, Gareth Emerson being beside you makes you feel just a little less aware of the crowd and the noise and all the things that freak you out.

#gareth emerson #gareth emerson fanfiction #gareth emerson fanfic #gareth emerson imagine #gareth emerson x you #gareth emerson x reader #gareth emerson x yn #<- my writing ● gareth emerson #<- warnings ● bullying swearing awkward flirting and mutual pining... kinda..#<- warning. female reader ● long curly hair + black sabbath t-shirt.#fandom ( stranger things ) ● season ( 4 ) ● character ( gareth emerson )

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cruxymox · 7 months

Note

Prompt: throwing rocks at the moon

Three angels were sitting on a lonely hill outside the city. It was a Tuesday night, the same night I started writing again - though that part is fairly insignificant as I have stopped and started and stopped and started many times before and since then. I do not know what month it was, nor year exactly, but maybe that does not matter. I have gone off the rails here with this tangential information, I am rambling. Let me start over.

Three angels. A lonely hill. This city, that mostly slept. It seems now that it was extra quiet, that night.

// read the rest below. it isn't terribly long, and has music if you'd like to hear one of the angels speak.

I do not remember their names, those angels. I apologize for that. I am sure they all ended with '-iel' or '-uel' or '-ael', as that was the standard for angel naming at that time. But I would only be guessing.

The first of the three was larger than the others, their robes fitting more tightly about them, so I will call them AUDRIEL.

The second angel spoke infrequently, and when they did it was only in whispers, and because of this, I will call them SUSUEL.

The third angel will be called TREIEL. It may turn out that TREIEL was the most important of the three angels, regardless of their name now. It may have been otherwise, I cannot be certain.

TREIEL spoke first, though they were the third, and when they did it sounded like a song. Flammenmeer, L’Ame Immortelle. Something like that. ~There are stones here on this hill that should not be. The small smooth ones, just there. I fear something important has changed, or will do so soon. It is a sign.~

~Shhhh,~ SUSUEL warned quietly, a finger to TREIEL's lips. ~Someone will hear.~ If TREIEL's words were of song, the few of SUSUEL's were of a quiet river in the evening, slow-flowing, ever meandering.

TREIEL wrapped their hand around SUSUEL's wrist, and gently pulled it away. Dim Atmosphere, Die Verbannten Kinder Evas, ~Perhaps, SUSUEL, perhaps. If so, it will be only one small soul, a poet of minor significance. AUDRIEL, what do you think of these strange stones?~

AUDRIEL bent down, and placed a hand over one of the stones, not quite touching it. They were silent for a moment. ~They are of the moon.~

~The moon!~ Fairy Dance, Ophelia's Dream. TREIEL feigned surprise.

~The moon.~ AUDRIEL affirmed. ~Let us leave them here, such that–~

SUSUEL pressed many fingers to several lips. ~Someone comes.~

—

I climbed the hill and sat myself down to look up at the night's myriad stars. They made me feel less alone and more so all at once, if that makes any sense at all.

The moon was partially obscured by a wispy cloud line that felt unnatural, that felt as if it came from the city's thousand chimneys. It was beautiful, but the thought upset me. "I hate this."

I saw some rocks on the ground by my feet, and moved to pick them up, to throw them at the clouds, at the moon, to throw them at everything. I just about reached them when I heard a song come from … everywhere.

— Seven Days Till Sunrise, Black Tape For A Blue Girl —

AUDRIEL shook their head. ~You should not have done that, TREIEL. What are we to do now?~

The three angels looked down at me.

TREIEL offered a solution, Le Secret, Leitmotiv. ~The poet sleeps now. We shall make it a dream.~

~And when he awakens? What then?~ SUSUEL whispered to the others, palms gentle upon my ears.

AUDRIEL touched my hand, then touched the moon stones. ~We need not do anything. The stones will play their part in his hands, they will - but for a moment - depict the helpless defiance against the epitome of romanticism, and then no more.~

SUSUEL nodded silently, and faded into the folds and threads of night.

AUDRIEL stood, and gazed towards TREIEL fondly. ~Continue the dream. It will end as they always do, in a half memory, in a haze, as the clouds were.~ AUDRIEL then walked down the hill, away to the city.

TREIEL pondered, and gave a path for the dreamer to wander down.

— Premier Pylone, Ozymandias —

As I bent over to pick up the rocks, I felt dizzy for a moment, suddenly very tired. I knew I should go back soon.

I looked up and saw the clouds were gone. I looked up at the moon and stars, in awe, as always. I threw the rocks anyway, as hard as I could, then brushed my hands off and walked away. I thought that at the very least I might try to write something about this, once I rest.

Once I rest.

—

TREIEL drifted to where the stones landed, near the bottom of the hill. Knowing they were the last of the angels here, and no one was to see - for now - they picked up one of the stones. In TREIEL’s hands, it turned into a brilliant white bird which flew into the night, to the moon, like a different sort of dream.

—

The Beginning

#prompted #throwing rocks at the moon #i don't know how this happened #prose poetry #definegodliness

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a-d-nox · 8 months

Text

nox's astrology q&a: your questions, my answers

i want to thank everyone again for being here and helping me to celebrate 2k!! without you all i would just be a nerdy chick with a mythos addiction. i thought the game was fun - i am already thinking that perhaps we should do one more before years end!! but in the meantime everyone who participated had some great questions for me, so here i am answering them!!!

animals

@googiekookk : "do you have a favorite animal?"

i like crows :).

@mionas-world : "do you believe or have any familiars?"

i do believe in familiars! i have been wanting a black ragdoll cat for a while now - i might adopt one soon!!

@astrowomanland : "do you have any pets? actually i have dogs and they are absolutely cute and lovely! having pets will heal your heart." / @guregire : "are you a cat or dog person?"

aaaaaa - i completely agree!!! i have, over my lifetime, had 3 dogs and 5 cats! currently, i do not have a pet, but i do debate getting one from time to time. i am leaning more towards cat given my work schedule - i'm in my cat era!

music

@thelittlesunwitch : "are you listening to any new music? any new favorite artists or songs?"

i'm always on the hunt for new music - my "got bluetooth?" playlist is the dumping ground for anything i'm listening to at the moment!

@livelythoughts : "what music or artist do you like?"

anything but country because country reminds me of someone i would prefer to not think about. i love $uicideboy$, baby keem, eminem, kid cudi, lana del rey, lil darkie, melanie martinez, olivia rodrigo, tyler the creator, the weeknd, and yung gravy. here's one of my spotify playlists!

@starzzzzzlights : "what is your favorite music album?"

ooof i can't pick just one lol. heroes and villains by metro boomin, AM by arctic monkeys, awaken my love by childish gambino, black parade by my chemical romance, born to die by lana del rey, call me if you get lost by tyler the creator, currents by tame impala, dmz by kinneret, eternal grey by $uicideboy$, fallen by evanescence, flower boy by tyler the creator, gasnova by yung gravy, igor by tyler the creator, k-12 by melanie martinez, long term effects of suffering by $uicideboy$, the man on the moon trilogy by kid cudi, melodic blue by baby keem, nevermind by nirvana, sensational by yung gravy, the slim shady lp by eminem, smoke + mirrors by imagine dragons, ? by xxxtentacion, seventeen by xxxtentacion, sour by olivia rodrigo, stop staring at the shadows by $uicideboy$, swamp by lil darkie, and this doesn't exist by lil darkie.

@swordoftheseeker : "what is your favorite song, and/or a song that gets you emotional?"

favorite songs: i have so many; here is my define me playlist - aka the playlist whose songs resonate most with me. songs that make me emotional: "my immortal" by evanescence, "soon we'll be found" by sia, "still" by ben folds, "addicted" by kelly clarkson, "for the babies" by simply red, "winter song" by sara bareilles, "the hill" by marketa irglova, "hand me down" by matchbox twenty, "both sides now" by joni mitchell, "the beach" by the neighborhood, "orange juice" by melanie martinez, "need you now" by lady a, and "imagine" by john lennon.

my astro placements

@theghostadrift : "what is your main star sign?"

my sun sign is scorpio. my signature sign is scorpio. and my dominant sign is scorpio.

@museagerie : "what are your personal favorite placements from your chart?"

ooo that is tough i love a lot of my placements... being a circe dominant individual is fun. i love my scorpio moon, my 9h venus, and my 3h jupiter. my 8h nyx. idk i can go on for a long time especially with asteroids lol.

@honnuey : "do you have any 6th house stelliums in your chart?"

nope! i have no 6h placements! my stellium is in my 8h - my 6h ruler lives in the 8h though.

@e11e27 : "what indications in your natal and MC persona chart (with your career or money asteroids of choice) helped you decide what career path and strategies work best for you?"

as a sag mc person, i have come to the conclusion that i likely will never have a consistent career - the pluto conjunct mc from my 9h and opposite jupiter in my 3h certainly won't be of help on that matter either. so my charts are a bit of a bad explain when it comes to career planning. my plan is that there is no plan but to make money and enjoy what i do whilst doing so (that's such a sag mc thing to say lol). i have talked about my mc chart before so i will link that!

personal

@csmicixtte : "do you sometimes wish to work a different job?"

if in reference to the blog - absolutely not. if in reference to my real life job, nope i just started it a few weeks ago so (this is my fourth week), i plan to stay here for a bit.

@sliceofcinnamoroll : "what's your mbti type? i assume you're an introvert haha."

i am an ENTJ-T! i'm not an introvert, but i would consider myself an ambivert.

@selene-destiny-201 / @yonafswurld : "what is your favorite hobbies?" / "what are your hobbies aside from the astrology and mythology related side of things?"

aside from reading and the occult - i love art. i went to art school for photorealistic graphite drawings! but now i am rather interested in knitting, crocheting, and cross-stitching (right now i have made a pattern for a lake side sunset and i am making that - i'm about 810 stitches in).

@dutifullycrazycreation : "is there anything you would like to start as a hobby?"

oof that's tough. i already have a ton of hobbies lol - if i were to pick something up, perhaps i would pick up pottery, crystal tumbling, candle making, soap making, or embroidery (i mean i already cross stitch so embroidery is right around the corner lol).

@seungmim : "what is your favourite season?"

FALL. i adore fall -> seasons ranked: fall, summer, winter, and spring.

@thescorpiourge : "what advice would you give to your younger self?"

learn to say "no" - while "yes" will get you places and give you experiences, "no" will give you better control of your life.

@miraclekay97 : "do you have a favorite children's book?"

the giving tree, charlotte's web, or the miraculous journey of edward tulane.

@neptxn3 : "which was your favorite mythological figure or creature that you learned about in your spare time?"

ORPHEUS. orpheus is my favorite mythical hero!!! as for a creatures - yetis are the cutest (shoutout to my boy ziggy).

@heart-of--a-child : "do you have a favorite bingeing show you watch in your free time?"

yes!! my go to rewatch/comfort shows that i often binge are gilmore girls, game of thrones, rick and morty, gravity falls, and avatar the last airbender.

@queenlear : "what are your favourite movies?"

ooof that's tough i have a whole list. i would say my top 5 are pride and prejudice (2005), us (2019), emma. (2020), midsommar (2019), and the princess bride (1978)!

@sayaliii : "what's your favourite childhood memory?"

i had a holiday break when i was in sixth grade and my mother and i got snowed in. the snow was not the funny / best part of this it was the fact that the power went out and i had a school project to do. in sixth grade all the history classes had you build a medieval shield or a castle. i built a castle basically in lamp light and whilst eating cookies. it was a rather large cardboard box medieval castle - painted grey and black with a functional portcullis.

@mbelair : "what is your favorite memory of this year so far?"

UGHHHH I DISCOVERED MY FAVORITE TACO PLACE. that's my favorite memory for this year. it's like a local shack lol. but they have so much good stuff though - their milkshakes are so good AND THEY SELL ALLIGATOR. i have never had alligator until this year lol.

spirituality & the occult

@lavieenrosess : "how long have you been spiritual? is it something you just know intuitively that you are or did you see signs (and this is assuming you are)?"

i have been intuitively inclined all my life; i'm "claircognizant" - i have always known things that i really shouldn't. ex: as a child (3 or 4 years old), i would pose in photos with my pointer finger flush to my cheekbone - my grandmother freaked out when she saw that because that's the same pose my great grandmother (my namesake) use to do. it's not signs, it's more like random thoughts coming into my mind that aren't mine? that probably isn't the finest description - but it's the best way i can describe it.

@linnienin : "for how long have you been studying tarot, astrology and the matrix of destiny?"

tarot i'm nearing a decade, astrology i was introduced to when i was 6 or 7, and the matrix i am learning live right alongside you as i post (so since the first wyrd web post)!

@jupitersessence - "i'd like to know what drew you to astrology, tarot, the study of the web of wyrd and such. i know we all have our own ways of stumbling upon these topics, but what was it that made you want to continue with this?"

i have talked about the first part before - for astrology, it was the pandemic that reawakened my love and passion for astronomy, especially the asteroids because i saw people were not all that informed on the myths behind them. as for tarot, my grandmother gave me her mother's tarot deck in middle school and i have practiced ever since! for the web - the matrix is newer to me but has a close relationship with tarot, so, naturally, i am interested! i continue because i have a natural curiosity for what makes us "us" - i feel like all these tools can help us to reflect on who we are and why we are the way we are and that is just beautiful to me. a spiritual journey is never complete! no one masters any of these things - we just level up and learn new things as we go (i.e. space is infinite; how can you be a master at astrology? there are thousands of nuisances to astrology that will always need exploring)!

@i-can-get-back-on : "which esoteric tool (astrology, tarot, etc) you first learned how to use vs. the most recent one you've learned how to use - and maybe which tool you've resonated with the most!" / @greathologramobservation : "how did you get into divination and which was the first one you learnt and practiced?"

let's see - tarot is the first tool that i actively used and promoted to others (like i started with astrology but only read my own chart - where as tarot i have been reading for others for a while now (almost a decade)). most recently i picked up lenormand (which i haven't seen many people talk about). i resonate with nearly all the tools i use. the one that i feel like i am still getting use to though is runes (like the fact that mine is dice and a deck makes it tricky to me lol).

@loonaticpoe : "since when have u been into astrology / tarot and how long did it take 4 u to master it ? can u also leave an advice 4 new learners like me if u want ?"

i have talked about my origins in both studies before, take a look at the other questions because its up there. as for the second part, in my opinion i don't see mastery as a possibility, only high competence and experience. as for advice ALWAYS question what you read and ALWAYS look into the qualifications of who you are learning from. if they can't tell you their source or their accreditation, then they aren't someone you should be learning from. spend time with each of your studies and don't be afraid to spend a long time on small portions.

@siren-honey : "what advice would you give to anyone regarding their spiritual journey? or just advice for life in general?"

for spiritual journey guidance - always start your study where your interest lies and stay away from google unless you are looking up credibility or physical (book) resources. for general life advice, be kind - be you and be that well. recognize that no one is perfect and you can never really know all that someone has been through, so be gentle with others. you only ever see a fraction of a person's experiences in life and they only ever see a fraction of yours - so try to be gentle with others as you would want them to be gentle with you.

@galaxiesandstarss : "what's your fav sign from the zodiacs?"

capricorn <3 i don't have favorites... but capricorn lol.

@melaniee4350 : "what are your favorite astrological placements in general and/or about your own chart?"

i answered the part about my own chart earlier. as for other peoples charts, i love fire placements - sag placements in particular!!! i love capricorns too. particularly capricorns moon <3 (love y'all). aries mars people have my heart too.

@white-tale-tea : "do you have any favorite placements or aspects in astrology?"

i answered the placements part in the question above but aspects!!! ask any of my astro-friends here, i always tell them i love a good ole opposition - the tension between two planets is immaculate!!

@wutt : "which placement do you find the most comfortable to hang out with?"

i feel the most comfortable around those with sagittarius, capricorn, and/or virgo placements!

@i-am-empress-irish : "do you have a favorite deck?"

OOO i have a special place in my heart for kim krans's wild unknown!

@karmicbitchastro : "do you ever base your real life decisions on tarot?"

no. i use it to reflect on a situation mainly. i don't base life decisions on astrology either!

@covillhaa : "how long have you been on tumblr and from where did you learn about destiny matrix charts?"

since my post on eros - shoutout to @astrosky33 for introducing me to tumblr! as for the matrix, i am learning right alongside you :). i will link my post on resources for the matrix.

@haileycannotcometothephonern : "what is your favourite prediction tool? for example, using astrological transits or through tarot or other means? and which do you think is more accurate in general?"

hmmm i'm going to go with RETURN CHARTS. y'all know i adore return charts; mine have always been quite accurate so *shrug*! i do feel like all divination has its place though; i never just use return charts only (i still do tarot, transits, etc.).

@viyarisemoon : "have you thought about opening paid reading services in the future?"

i have paid readings options typically; they will be linked at the bottom of the post as per usual.

travel

@nl107 : "do you like to travel and if so do you have a favorite place to travel?"

i do enjoy traveling, but i haven't traveled since 2018 sadly. my favorite place that i have been is little italy in new york and labadee in haiti!

@fgggjjdfbikeefujrdgjohrwaxhombd : "what's a city / country you wanna visit / or your most memorable travel?"

i talked about my favorite trip in the last question! but i want very badly to go to italy. i promised my grandmother as well that i would visit wales for her.

university

@coffeecoffie : "what's major in uni?"

if you poke around a bit on here, you'll find i was an english literature major. and before that, i was a forensic psychology major.

@sunxastroblog : "how did you get interested in such a topic [mythology]? have you learned at school / took classes or you're self-taught? which branch of mythology are you currently still learning?"

i have always loved books. i have talked about my who first introduced me to mythology before (that post is linked above in the what drew me to the occult question). but most of the mythology that i post is self taught - based on books i read in my spare time. part 3 of asteroids that aren't getting more attention than this was from what i learned in my senior fall semester of uni though! i am still learning all the branches of mythology if i am being honest! anyone that claims they have read all the classic literature of a culture and knows all of a set myth is lying. there is always more to read - particularly, i find that true of norse mythos!!

@moanafromthedarkages : "how has been your college experience??"

when was in high school, i submitted 10 applications and got into all of them even columbia university (ivy). but i didn't know what i wanted to do and i didn't feel secure about traveling far from home (a gut feeling). so i went to a community college as of 2019 - when i started college i wanted to be an OBGYN. i took a weeding class right off the bat to find out if it was for me and the answer was a fat no - anatomy and physiology was the bane of my existence (despite my prof saying my dissection technique was quite good). in 2020, i was feeling better about college and it was the week before spring break when i asked my sociology professor what will happen to society if it stands still and she told me "nothing good". we went on break and i never returned to the campus except to pick up my degree. in my final spring semester (2021) at the community college, i met a boy and he inspired me transfer and continued my degree. i applied to 5 colleges and got into 3 because 2 of them wouldn't accept me without my father's tax records (i'm estranged from my father so *shrug*). i selected my uni based on the money they gave me to go there and the parking situation haha. i commuted to my university because i still was wasn't comfortable with strangers and the pandemic (during the first year of the pandemic alone my family members went through 2 surgeries and had many experiences having COVID). so i started at my uni. my first semester was a cultural shift - i didn't realize that your GPA resets when you transfer. i was shoved into a bunch of classes that weren't related to the major i selected. it was a struggle. in november, i started experiencing social anxiety and depression and i just pushed through my first semester. my gpa was bad, i was worried my academic scholarship would get revoked, etc. my holiday break, i spent on the couch - my depression was so bad that my mother was sort of frustrated/upset when telling me to get help. my semester started and i was taking 6 classes trying to catch up. i was so anxious that i got physically ill and my menstrual cycles were progressively worse i skipped days because i physically couldn't leave the couch i got physically ill from that too. i had to drop one of my classes... i was afraid of getting sick in front of other and in class. by the end of the semester, i was starting to think that maybe i should just drop out and the school counselor was advising the same plus to seek in-patient treatment somewhere. i got a new therapist because that one and the one before sucked (no offense - but quitting is never the answer in my eyes). my new therapist suggested online school, a gap year, etc. but of all her suggestions changing my major was the most promising. that summer (2022), i took 3 online courses all literature based and got a 4.0. in the last few weeks of summer, i moved homes and i was anxious about being in person again with the mask policy lifted, my menstrual struggles, not knowing anyone in my new major (except my department chair and the one professor i had a for a summer class), etc. the first day i was on campus, i went to my advisor and told her i wanted more classes online and she told me no. my nose started bleeding (the menstrual medication they had me on helped my symptoms but cause other issues) in that meeting. i went to my first class with blood on my jeans and a crush-n-go ice pack to my nose. i sat in the front of my class stressing and feeling hopeless - two minutes to the start of class was when a boy sat down next to me. he became my best friend in that college. i survived that semester. in the spring semester, i started a new medications for my menstrual cycle and i felt even better. i thrived in that last year at my uni - i got awards, made friends, etc. i graduated cum laude - and now i miss it. i think of college fondly despite the suffering i endure throughout my experience.

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