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citroenaficionado · 4 months

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Blog post 2023

One year ago, at the end of 2022, I created a time capsule in video form. About 15 minutes ago, when I was lying in bed hoping to fall asleep early in order to not lose too much sleep tonight (as I will most likely want to wake up extremely early in the morning), I decided to make a blog post this year, at the end of 2023 (cutting it extremely close mind you, which is typical of course).

So much has happened and so much has changed this year, I can't remember al of it. I can't even remember most of it. I've spent an abnormally large amount of time the last few months thinking about what happened when and what started when and trying to get a grip on a timeline in my head.

Of all the things that changed, I might have changed the most, giving much more significance to my 18th birthday than most. Of course it wasn't a sudden change, although it did feel quite sudden. I was a buildup of tons of vicious cycles and time itself running a young boy around. I'm still a young boy on the inside for the record, and I'm sure I still don't look like a man on the outside yet (no, thank you).

There actually was a moment, a moment I had planned, from which things could have changed very sudden, if I had let it happen, if I had made it happen. But I'm glad I didn't, in hindsight.

Woah- Deja vu... I have a feeling I wrote something like that before, with Tumblr being the colour scheme it is now (canary, because lemons), and me deciding to click off and discard the draft. Possibly that happened in a dream?... Deja vu is still a mystery to me.

The moment (that didn't happen, for the record) is quite personal to me, so I doubt whether I should put it publicly on the internet for everyone to see. It was that exactly one year after I asked a group of friends to form a - "student group" shall we call it? - with me (which ran it's course and was disbanded because another took its place), I would ask that group of friends whether they wanted to be friends (with me) again.

In hindsight I think that gradually entering that circle of friends was a better option than dramatically asking to. And so that is one of the few occasions for which I'm glad I only speak out if I find the perfect moment, a character trait which often is unhelpful when you want to be social, by the way.

I didn't want to start the blog on that moment actually, I wanted to either attempt a chronological list or talk about recent events, as in the past three days. I don't know how long it took you to read until here, but I started roughly 45 minutes ago. I'm slow like that.

In the month of my birthday there was a sports day I have a fond memory from, I don't remember the exact words that were said but they made me feel helpful and I liked being helpful and the memory is something I've referenced before (not on this blog obviously).

Around that time was when I really started wanting to break from the cycle of every day feeling the same without progress towards anything. I asked for a notepad and pen(cil) for my birthday that I was planning to bring with me from then onwards to write stuff in. Those who know me well know which little book I'm referring to.

Though I don't remember any example right now, I was starting to try to be more social around that time. Then the summer holidays happened. And something weird happened. From the past holidays (before that summer) I had concluded that I did not like traveling and going on holiday. And I really didn't want to go anymore. But against better judgement I went anyway.

And looking back I'm definitely glad I did. Because I learned that I strongly dislike physical labour when money is the only goal I am working towards. And I learned that there are people out there who I actually really like being around. 'Introvert' and 'extrovert' have become meaningless to me, because it depends entirely on who I am around and how I am feeling.

The end of the summer holidays, although I slightly doubt it, might have been the first time I actually had the feeling of "I'm going to miss this person" aimed towards a human being. Before then I had always been more of an animal person. I remember that at the start of the summer holidays I had already changed, because someone who knew me well mentioned it.

I tried to bring this social change with me back to school, but failed horrendously, getting hit with all of the problems being in the last year of highschool gives you. I don't remember exactly what happened, probably because not much out of the ordinary happened, but after a couple of days I gave up. And I gave up hard.

I decided to stop trying. And to just focus on school. This is getting personal again and it is getting late (22:22 ha) so my brain is slowing down, sorry for any inconveniences caused. I have written about this before, in a script for a video I never finished, so I want to keep this relatively short.

Everyday, I would come into class, sit alone in the front, be the first to leave when the bell rang, and I would not go to the aula in the break. Instead I would wander round the building or go to a study area or something. Being in the aula became overwhelming and the noise scared me away. Only in two lessons would I sit next to someone, and only then because I didn't want to make my old friends worried about how I was.

After five school days of keeping this up I started wearing a paper bracelet to school on which I kept track of how many school days I had been like this. I have also referenced to this bracelet before. I still have this bracelet on my shelf beside me now, the numbers on it span from 6 to 15. It was hard to know when to stop.

After an Earth science project that I was looking up against included a nice conversation with a friend and a trip home with four people that I wanted to be friends with (taking that ferry instead of waiting for the one after was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I didn't hesitate to take it too when I saw them actually boarding it), I took off the bracelet. I hoped it was the end. Of course the next school day went badly again so I kept it on for a couple of days more, but it didn't take long before I- forgot to put the bracelet on one day. And to be perfectly honest, that is a perfect ending to the whole thing and a typical example of me, really.

Then (or around that time) Operation Friendship started (yes I called it that). I gradually started sitting next to people in lessons instead of on my own all the time. I made a list of everyone who I wanted to become friends with or get to know better (writing this makes me feel so embarrassed) as well as ranked them on how much I had talked to them or how well they knew me so far. It lasted a surprising two months before I finally wrote down in my notebook that OpFr was discontinued in order for me to focus on the friends I already had at that point.

Do not make the mistake of thinking I never questioned what I was doing. There are plenty of times that I wondered whether what I was doing counted as something a psychopath would do. And there were plenty of times where I was tempted to shut OpFr down before I finally actually did.

Anyway, one of the people whose name I wrote down but never actually got to talk properly with is someone I'll call target Kela. The reason I bring Kela up is because of the first half of 2023, before the summer holidays. I kind of feel like that storyline is unfinished though, if you know what I mean? Maybe I still find it too personal to talk about Kela...

I'll move on to recently instead. In the beginning it was really hard being part of two friend groups, every time I moved from one to the other it felt like I was abandoning one for the other. Now it still feels off, but it's tolerable and I don't think anybody judges me for it. That's one of the things that changed over a smaller vacation.

The other thing that changed is how I perceive the world, which suddenly changed back to how it was before I merged into a "new" friend group and only then did I realise that how I felt had been different in the first place. Suddenly I was back to my old socially scared self, but then with more friends and with memories and pre-made plans for me of who to befriend next (/exaggeration).

It's been weird, thinking about the past and where I am now, but I need to wrap this up now as in less than fourty minutes it will be 2024!

A couple of days ago was my first time playing D&D, which is notable because I have been interested in D&D for almost a year and ten months. Afterwards I was frustrated with myself for how it went, but I've already vented those feelings so I won't do that here. Yesterday I was still in a really bad mood so even walking for two and a half hours and having a house to myself didn't change anything.

Today we did the floor of my room, in one day instead of two, even though I was tired the whole way through. And tonight I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep early so I could wake up after the fireworks and be mentally active at three in the morning. But then I got the idea to do this!

I guess that means that my idea hyping brain is working again, so that's good. I originally had the idea of reacting to my time capsule video from last year and turning that into a video of it's own, which I could still do, but there is so much I could still do, and there is so much I should still do.

There is probably a ton of stuff I forgot to say and a ton of stuff I will remember not long after having posted this. But if you read all of this, first of all, who are you? and second of all, why did you just read *that* much text willingly?

-Aaaand my sibling just came in and completely halted my train of thought. Happy 2024!

Edit 1 (at 00:33): I completely forgot to say that part of the reason I got the idea to do this is because I realised when I was lying there that I missed people. And I really didn't often miss people in the past. Talking to a friend in a voice channel helps a lot temporarily, but I generally dislike holidays nowadays because I rarely see friends during them.

Second thing I completely forgot to mention is the memory right before the summer holidays of being at the graduation ceremony and seeing the people of the "student group" (who now I would say are my friends) being super happy in a group photo together. I stood and smiled from the sidelines. :')

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hbthrowaway · 1 year

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Hydrabones + Deathpoker / Chimericade

EDIT: As the original callout, this first draft was constructed in a way meant to be as neutrally approached as possible. In it are offered possible explanations and rationale, as well as errors on Anon/A's part. The one after this was written with far less patience and in a much shorter manner.

ORIGINAL POST:

I am going to attempt post this in an objective way, in an effort to not obfuscate events or put my bias into this. This is meant to be informative and for the reader to draw their own conclusions.

I hope you will understand why names in this are anonymized, and should the people it is about read this, the anonymous person hopes anonymity is respected. They do not feel this is an unreasonable request due to the events described. This person does not want to be known or talked about, they do not want people to think of these events as associated with them. Lastly, if outside parties are able to identify the anonymous person through context, a keen eye, or other methods, please do not disclose who they are.

As a result, this is also being posted on an anonymous account, associated with nobody. It will not be checked once this post is up. There will be no arguing or responses from this account. This post will be archived online as a safety measure.

This post primarily is about @/Hydrabones (dA, TH, twitter, etc) and secondarily about Tumblr user @/chimericade AKA @/deathpoker AKA @/wildeornes, whose username on Toyhouse was mindbite but is now SALIERI. Nell also used to be @/iwannapushyourdaisies. Hydrabones in particular has a habit of rebranding often.

This will be documenting a cycle of abuse and control Hydrabones/Icarus has engaged in for years, which can largely be exemplified in this screenshot:

Please be advised, this is an extremely long post. It is organized as chronologically as possible.

To be absolutely clear, only one report on these incidents has ever been filed online. However it resolves will be up to the moderators of that site, and their decision will be respected. The majority of these events took place before the website existed, and does not involve any content on that website. Due to the nature of what this contains, I would like to content warn for the following that will either be implied or implicit within this post:

grooming

shotacon

sexual assault

abuse

noncon/dubcon

erotic gore (eroguro)

human trafficking*

TERF adjacent ideology*

(*note: it is not believed that Icarus is truly a TERF or a trafficker by raw definition. Please do not take comparisons to mean as such.)

These content warnings are not meant as anything more than a precautionary measure; it is conclusions that have been drawn in private with concerned parties. Should you not agree with those conclusions, that is your decision.

The party that was hurt by these events will simply be called "Person A." The other parties will be referred to by their online names, "Icarus" and "Nell." Nell has also gone by "Hike" and "Hiaka" in the past. Legal names will come up but will, without question, be completely and entirely censored. Person A has asked to be referred to by they/them, and all parties have had pronouns change throughout the years. Icarus has changed names and usernames many times over this time period, with their most recent ones having been Reidoo, Icarusis, Planetsrings, and Hydrabones. Should you put any of these in as deviantArt usernames, they all will redirect you to Hydrabones.

In addition to these, older usernames included Xrie, Arkyjohn, Arkyoni, Dingohugs, Nezizzle, Zuruzukin, Clockworkinside, Reidobiwa, Shadowbeast, Kabutops, and Uranus, among others that were not recalled or relevant. Aside from xrie, these were all usernames they had on Tumblr. The blog(s) associated with these have been summarily deactivated, and the new owners of "Kabutops" and "Uranus" or any of the others are unrelated parties.

If a first name is left uncensored, it is safe to assume that it is either Hydrabones, or an OC (This will be generally easy to determine and differentiate via context when viewing screenshots and logs linked here as evidence.)

Person A wanted to handle this as privately as they could. However, after an extremely rapid decline in their health, they feel they can't be silent any longer about what they've experienced.

Please note:

Person A has persistent amnesia regarding the events between 2011 and 2021, much of what is recalled here was done through seeking out conversations, photos, or vent posts they had at the time.

It is noteworthy in the interest of presenting these events objectively that this has not been diagnosed yet, though Person A plans to see a neurologist in the very near future. Much of the below had to be learned by looking through their own archives. It was not just bad memories that were lost, many good ones were absent as well. What has been definitely diagnosed is the following: c-PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety. Person A's OCD manifests mainly as moral scrupulousity, which intensified as the circumstances became impossibly complex.

Person A, being autistic, has an interest in preserving media and memories. This ranges from old documents, old files, old photos, archives, so on and so forth. As a result, evidence of these events stretches all the way back to 2011, starting here on Tumblr. It spanned conversational programs such as Skype and Discord, and eventually moved into real life and physical interaction. There is less evidence for real life incidents due to the nature of it, as well as Person A being largely restricted from venting about these events for reasons and in ways that will be detailed in this post.

For background context: Person A is a domestic abuse survivor, being the victim of their terminally ill mother. Their primary support before meeting Icarus was their father, who spent those years caring for her at the end of her life. It is additionally worth noting that in coercing Person A to move to Australia, Icarus effectively removed Person A from their own support system and strongest familial bond. Regardless of intent, this was indicative of a severe worsening of the patterns of victim isolation that will be detailed below.

Person A was born in October of 1996 and is a permanent resident of the United States. In July of 2011, they were 14 years old, a similar age to Icarus's younger sister. Icarus, on the other hand, was born in March of 1993, a permanent resident of Australia. It is noted that in most or all of Icarus's social media profiles that their age is entirely redacted or not present, instead listed vaguely as "adult." Icarus was 18 years old in July of 2011. They will be turning 30 in 2023. Here is reference to Icarus's age, since it is not listed on their public profiles. [link]

On July 3rd, 2011, Icarus asked out Person A, to which Person A was receptive. At the age of 18, Icarus entered a romantic relationship with Person A, age 14. [link]

The reason they began dating was due to RP shipping between Pokemon characters, named Kyran "Ky" Garret and P[redacting entire name]. This began on an Oekaki board that contained a Pokemon RP system run by users. Person A and Icarus joked about them copying their OCs by dating. [link]

These characters were regularly in sexual scenarios both OOC and on IC roleplay blogs. More than once, Person A had explicit pornography submitted to them, while Icarus drew the characters engaging in sexual acts. [link 1] [link 2]

Aside from Icarus, all of Person A's past and present online friends have since acknowledged that this was not okay behavior to encourage. However, Person A also recognizes that the culture of the internet was different 10-12 years ago, with edgy and offensive humor along with extremely inappropriate behavior from adults. While this is NOT a minimization of the harm done or dangers of these behaviors and the things they normalized, it is an unfortunate reality that can be best exemplified in the sheer number of stories like this one of varying severities, comparable or otherwise.

While this should not have happened, the culture of Tumblr used to be one where far more was allowed to slide. There were "body positivity" events where both Person A and Icarus posted suggestive images of themselves, encouraged by the people they were around. Comments about "lolicon/shotacon" and sexual behavior towards minors was egregiously common. That being said, Icarus was alerted to this age difference being a problem on the very first day they got together, and again later on. Because Icarus has deleted their blog, all that remains are responses from Person A's blog. Please note, this was from a time before Tumblr asks could be reblogged. Person A responded by taking offense to what had been said. [link]

Here are excerpts of extremely sexual behavior from Icarus, from Person A's blog, in which the format has unfortunately broken over the years. Red highlighted will denote what Icarus has said, while blue will be Person A.

[link 1*] [link 2] [link 3]

*Boku no Pico is a shotacon hentai. It depicts graphic sex with characters who are explicitly children. One could, and should, consider it animated pornographic depictions of children and treat it will all the severity that entails -- regardless of whether or not it was an edgy 'meme' in some circles due to the shock value of such revolting media.

These interactions met their logical end in Person A creating disturbing scenarios to discuss with Icarus while underage and for Person A to relate the above content to themself.

CW: Incestuous content, underage fictional characters, shotacon. [link 1] [link 2]

In November of 2011, Icarus called Person A (now 15 years old) their fiance. It was not the first time marriage was referred to, and it was not the last. [link]

Though Icarus has identified as asexual for a long time, it does not erase what happened. Whether or not Icarus still identifies as asexual is unknown to the party writing this or to Person A. When being informed of certain events, Nell allegedly rejected that Icarus could ever be predatory due to an apparent fear or repulsion to sex. Icarus has shown an apparent disregard for legality in the past, and despite Person A knowing it was wrong, the barriers had already been broken down. [link]

With the culture of Tumblr changing rapidly between 2011 and 2012, Icarus eventually stopped making suggestive or inappropriate comments in public. Person A has no way to access old Skype logs where there may have been more.

In addition, in 2012, Icarus attempted to meet with Person A in Las Vegas on their trip to the USA. They never managed to meet up due to poor connection. Person A was 15 years old. [link]

Regardless of sexual identity, Icarus had been making constant sexual comments up until this event.

Just a year later, a Tumblr user they both knew "J****-****" was caught in possession of CSEM, some of which belonged to Person A. Person A had been coerced into sharing nude pictures with this user. This Tumblr user was at or around Icarus's age when she was caught with it and called out. No action on their relationship was taken.

CW: Sexual abuse, mention of CSEM. [link]

This would not be the only adult to sexually take advantage of Person A as a result of continually justifying dating Icarus. Person A's mental health suffered from what had happened. They were institutionalized and then sexually abused once more while in the hospital.

In 2014, after Josh Macedo (confusedtree) was called out for sexting underage girls, Person A realized that the same had been happening to them again. The user was a friend of both them and Icarus, named "K***." K*** was at least the same age as Icarus. Once again, Icarus did not act on the problematic nature of their relationship.

CW: Sexual abuse, minor/adult sexual relationship. [link]

In 2014, Icarus got Person A into adoptables. Person A joined Toyhouse in October of 2014, just after they had turned 18 and were now, in the eyes of the law, an "adult." Due to parental abuse and neglect, Person A now feels that they were not at the maturity consistent with an adult, continuing to justify their relationship both to themself and to others. Person A had dropped out of school, was developmentally delayed, could not cook, could hardly clean, and could not drive. They spent most of their days holed up in their bedroom hiding, but managed to get their GED during 2015.

By that point, Icarus and Person A had been together for four years. Icarus had, in this period, been presented with more than enough evidence of wrongdoing, external perspective, criticism, and pressure to be well aware that their relationship was inappropriate. There is no 'I didn't know better' excuse that can be made when the inappropriate relationship endured 4 years of consistent questioning, as well as numerous breakups and opportunities to do the right thing and break things off permanently.

Person A did not see any red flags despite having a large amount unaddressed of anxiety about it, which they attribute to romantic relationships with adults having been normalized in their life. Icarus was fully aware of Person A's neglect and lack of life skills.

They officially met in person in late 2015. Person A travelled (without Icarus's help, for transparency) to Australia to visit. [link]

Person A had their 19th birthday over there, and Icarus's mother seemed uncomfortable to let them sleep in the same bed, instead having Person A sleep in their younger brother's bed while he was away. Inevitably, they would go to Icarus's bedroom regardless. The conversation about moving over there permanently was becoming very serious, and Person A moved to Australia to go to University with Icarus in early 2016. The following are events that took place in real life and, as such, have limited amounts of evidence.

Person A holds no animosity towards Icarus's family members. They are thankful to them for making their situation more bearable.

Moving over there ended up becoming a sunk-cost scenario in Person A's eyes. Even when they started to see problems with their living situation, they felt an immense amount of guilt over the idea of quitting their education partway through. Person A's father was the one putting them through school and they wanted to do right by that due to the amount of money it would end up costing. Additionally, Person A regarded Icarus as having "saved their life" due to getting them out of a household where their mother was actively threatening and abusing them. They felt indebted to Icarus and dependency would keep them tethered for four years. Considering it wrong to leave, Person A would fall into a deep depression, trapped in what they considered a hell of their own making. Person A continually would blame themself for this, even now.

For the next several paragraphs, please be cautioned that there is sexual assault discussed.

Just three months later, in May of 2016, Icarus's real life friend Tora invited them both over to play an online FPS shooter together. The trio had been flirting with the idea of a polyamorous relationship for a few weeks. Tora and Icarus were school friends, self-described by Icarus as having known each other for eleven years. They were around the same age, both at roughly 23 years old at the time. Due to not knowing when Tora's birthday was, there is no way to accurately know her exact age. Alcohol was brought out, which Person A had never interacted with before. Person A was on medication that increased the effects of the alcohol.

During the night, Icarus left the room for a significant amount of time. Tora and Person A were on the bed, and Person A was sexually assaulted. They were visibly confused and upset when Icarus entered the room, prompting them both to call Icarus's mother and request she come get them. Tora got upset and threw some keyrings, which Person A does not recall.

In June, Person A went to the police to make a statement after being advised by multiple parties. This had been advised by a psychiatrist quite a distance away, and a local therapist that Icarus brought them to. Person A was deemed unwell enough to be institutionalized, expressing delusional behavior about "infestations" and "fornication." They refused to be institutionalized, and Icarus verbally argued with the psychiatrist, having sat in the room with them to offer support. Person A does not recall the therapy session and did not go back. The report can be found below, in addition to a conversation Icarus had with someone else about the incident.

CW: Sexual assault, transmisogyny: [link]

Much has been redacted due to the graphic nature, as well as legal names. Tora identified as a trans woman at the time, but was not out, and as such was referred to with differing pronouns. Whether or not she still identifies is again, unknown, to Person A.

It has been brought to their attention that Icarus has claimed that the assault happened to them.

As you can see from signed testimony above, this was not the case. Icarus felt guilty for having left the room, an understandable reaction. There were 4 pages of testimony total but I do not believe sharing the sensitive details of the sexual assault will aid anyone.

It is not known why Icarus talked about being a lesbian when they were in a relationship with Person A at the time of the assault, who at no point in real life interactions identified as a woman.

This incident was referred to online by Icarus. [link]

This ends the section on the sexual assault. This was the 4th time since meeting Icarus that Person A had been taken advantage of by someone far older than them. Three of the people who had taken advantage of Person A were people Icarus had known.

Around this time in mid to late 2016, Person A joined a dA RP group. Icarus followed Person A to the group with the intention to be in the same sub-group, but by miscommunication, they ended up in separate sub-groups (existing for the purpose of scheduling and storytelling.) The new group noticed Icarus's behavior and came to their own conclusions about them independently of Person A, while Person A finally met people who did not already know Icarus. These people became friends who later reached out to Person A to support them.

During this, Person A was stuck mediating adoptable drama for four 'bigger' adopt artists and Icarus. Afterwards, neither of the two arguing groups were friends, and Icarus was friends with none of them. This put Person A in an awkward spot, wanting to remain friends with these people. Icarus was disapproving of continuing to speak to any of them, leading Person A to largely withdraw. The artists involved are not named here out of respect for their privacy; if they wish to come forward that is up to them.

Person A would turn to online friends for help, opening the gate to venting in private about their increasingly stressful living situation. When they were caught venting, they were immediately confronted and punished. Icarus cast immense doubt on Person A for speaking to one of the aforementioned artists they had argued with.[link]

Blaming Person A for "turning people against them" or "taking their friends away" was routine for Icarus. Over time, this became the tone Icarus took whenever any information painted them in an unflattering light, and this further isolated Person A and disallowed them the space to safely process their feelings. When Person A asked others if they were in any way negatively or unfairly influencing their perception of Icarus, they were universally assured this was not the case. [link]

Regardless of reassurances, Person A still internalized it and struggled to morally justify why they needed to externalize their feelings. This has resulted in Person A feeling immense guilt even discussing that something happened to them at all, and they still struggle to hold others accountable for wrongs against them, immediately pivoting toward the guilt and fear instilled in them. Person A routinely attempts to justify Icarus's mistreatment of them, and often minimizes and even actively denies their own emotions, believing that any upset on their end is their fault, and that they must apologize for being upset in the first place. This trauma response often triggers severe panic attacks in Person A, who struggles with having been conditioned by these behaviors to take fault for the things others do to them.

In February 2017, Person A took a break from dating Icarus. Icarus did not respond well to being in a 'relationship limbo' or to the subsequent decision made to call it off. The following messages directly led to Person A attempting suicide by leaving the house and overdosing. This has had permanent effects on their health. [link]

Icarus texted Person A while they were outside overdosing. Person A responded angrily. [link]

An online friend of Person A could see that something was wrong and encouraged them to return home.

This kind person's intervention saved Person A's life.

They blacked out and woke up in the hospital. Icarus had posted to social media that Person A was in the ER without Person A's knowledge or consent. Icarus would later joke about their erratic behavior from during their unconsciousness, citing it as "coping." Person A wrote down what they could remember directly following the suicide attempt.

CW: Suicide [link]

Despite this suicide attempt, Icarus was continually unhelpful when Person A expressed feeling suicidal afterwards. These attacks would normally happen at night. Icarus brushed them off consistently, going back to sleep. When Icarus did not brush Person A off, comfort was conflated being hurt.

[link 1] [link 2]

At the same time in 2017, the decision was made to take in a cat that had lost its home from tragic circumstances next door. Person A found that the cat was pregnant, and it had four kittens. Both Person A and Icarus attempted to not get attached to these kittens and failed, adding to the general level of stress. Icarus said they did not want to be "the bad guy," a sentiment that would get repeated. Icarus would also bring up their break-up and plans they had for the future, despite the irrelevancy to the kitten situation.

[link 1] [link 2]

There was a significant amount of strain in the household between Icarus's mother and Icarus/Person A. Person A was not allowed to vent about this despite Icarus having vented about Person A's mother. The arguments and fighting led to a desire to leave. In addition, there was a domestic incident of no one's fault that scared everyone in the household.

Icarus did not assist with apartment searching, or signing application forms, or handing them in despite Person A not having a vehicle. Icarus also actively discouraged Person A from leaving, despite having started an online fundraiser through Tumblr with the intent to leave. Person A ended up finding accommodations that worked for them alone, but still Person A was given reason after reason to not leave.

[link 1] [link 2] [link 3] [link 4*]

*This has already been linked, but now has additional context.

During this time, Person A had started a long distance relationship with someone who lived back in the United States. Icarus repeatedly hinted that they wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship and began to bring up having sex more. Eventually, Person A relented and they got back together. Person A found the timing odd since they were still in the process of leaving.

[link 1] [link 2]

Person A moved out on their own to the discontent of Icarus, who was hurt and betrayed by the decision. Once Person A had moved into their new home, Icarus brought up sex again. Person A did not feel attracted to Icarus in this way, and Icarus's response to that was to ask, "Do you love me?" This was the deal breaker for their relationship.

Icarus's asexuality had been consistent until this point. Icarus immediately began to identify as a lesbian following the break-up and retroactively called themself one for times when they dated Person A. Person A is transmasculine, and does not identify as a woman now or ever.

In late 2017 to early 2018, Person A returned to the US for the holidays. While in the US, Icarus illegally opened Person A's mail and became upset that they had received compensation for the sexual assault but Icarus hadn't. Icarus would later get compensation. Having been stressed both about this and about being left on read in their private server, Person A quietly left the server to opt for DMs temporarily. Icarus responded by deleting the entire server. This server was where screencaps in which Icarus's name in red originated from. A lot of arguments and toxic behavior were lost with the deletion.

Come 2018, Icarus invited Person A to a DND group they were running, where Person A met their partner, Nell, and another person (a minor at the time) that would later be harmed by Icarus's actions. This would fall out very messily, with Icarus pitting everyone against that person. During the ensuing arguments, Icarus lied to make the minor look worse by claiming he was "stalking" and "keeping tabs on" Person A and their partner, crafting a narrative of obsession. Shortly after, Person A would move back in to Icarus's home. When Person A tried to move on and join another DND campaign, they were told they were causing hurt for themself and others. [link]

Despite having permission to share messages of the above DND fallout, they will be used sparingly. This post is not here to tell that person's story on his behalf, but Person A has reconciled with and fully supports him after having seen the similarities in Icarus's messages. That being said, Icarus denied the possibility that this minor was preyed upon by the adults in that DND group and refused to see evidence of it. This person was publicly smeared in a twitter thread for attempting to speak up about it. [link]

This manipulation, as well as its use to separate victims and prevent them from comparing the stories they have to tell, created years of conflict that was deeply traumatic for the involved parties, including convincing both sides that they were effectively stalking one another.

Due to the persistent nature of this trauma and how it endured up until very recently, this document will break from the established chronological order briefly to further describe it here so as to immediately follow the above mention of DND Fallout to ensure proper context when describing the social manipulation that was at play.

It is worth nothing that, despite Icarus and Nell's fervent denials of any wrongdoing by any parties other than the above unnamed individual and victim, Person A has since reconciled with said victim. They came to an understanding that regardless of intent, Person A's partner had harmed the above party as well as acted in ways that facilitated the abuse they were under from Nell and Icarus.

Person A's partner admitted their fault in this, and in doing so became aware of the wider scope of the manipulations of both Icarus and Nell.

Conversely, Nell still expresses fervent belief that the above mentioned victim is a liar. This is in line with Nell siding with Icarus, as well as the kind of NSFW content Nell exposed that minor to in and outside of DND. I would advise against viewing more recent web archives of the blog mentioned due to explicit gore; in the web archive link most of the images have since broken. The images are not broken in more recent ones.

CW: Eroguro, dubcon RP, both with a minor: [link 1] [link 2] [link 3]

When Person A namedropped Icarus for the first time in November of 2022, Nell sent these messages to Person A's partner. [link]

Nell was never willing to hear out Person A's anxieties that had been reawakened when Icarus got together with them. In the end, they prioritized their own "comfort" and "healing" over people they had once been friends with. [link]

This pattern of apologism for the abuses of their partner, as well as willingness to overlook behaviors of other parties that even they themselves have admitted were inappropriate and harmful makes it clear that self-preservation is a greater driving force than doing right by victims, and lead to severe falling outs that will be detailed below.

This document will now return to its format of chronological order.

Between 2018 and 2020, Person A was still not allowed to vent privately. Asking for advice had been and was still considered venting privately. They still tried to, attempting to hide it from Icarus, going so far as to link their private Twitter to a tool that would automatically delete tweets past a certain age. Person A, Icarus, and Icarus's sister were able to move into an apartment with the support of Icarus's parents. Person A had hoped that it had been environmental factors that had brought them so low but this did not alleviate any of the stress. Person A felt responsible for trying and failing to fairly divide household tasks, with general cleaning and reminding Icarus of their tasks becoming part of that responsibility.

Nell and Icarus got together during this time period. Person A's behavior became erratic as they struggled to warn Nell about what they had experienced without drawing Icarus's attention. Nell went to Icarus anyways. Person A was hurt and confused, pushing Nell away and eventually cutting them off. Person A would end up suicidal again, walking to the hospital down the road more than once and being treated coldly by Icarus for seeking that help. What was being "brought to the table" every few months was Person A unable to handle the toxic living environment in addition to having been groomed the way they had. [link]

It is worth noting in the compiler of this document and its documentation's eyes that Nell doesn't at any point deny the wrongdoing perpetuated by their partner, rather minimizing it through statements of character clearly undermined by their own bias (and clearly at odds with the evidence provided throughout this post), and offers the excuse that it was "long ago" and "over". Beyond the dismissal of the ongoing severe trauma that has had severe repercussions throughout Person A's life and haunts them to this date, this also shows an alarming disregard for the sheer morality of what was done.

The compiler of this document asks the reader to consider if they would be able to trust a partner if they learned their partner perpetuated the abuses described here, and that said partner had grossly misrepresented these facts to all parties involved, including the reader themself.

This hypothetical, hopefully, exemplifies why this excusal of Icarus' behavior is more than just 'choosing a side', and informs someone of Nell's character, especially in the context of their own abuses.

The final argument that Icarus and Person A had was in late 2020. Tweets from Person A's personal accidentally leaked through the reply function. They had been venting that they were afraid of Icarus becoming a vtuber because they were already planning to try to leave all of this behind when they left Australia. Person A did not want to risk stumbling across clips or fanart of them and their friends were attempting to reassure them.

CW: Self-harm: Icarus cornered Person A, causing them to snap and try to bash their head against the wall of the apartment in front of them and their sister. Icarus accused them of turning everyone against them once more. Their sister was also upset for this reason. Person A was in hysterics, offering to find a different place to live for the remainder of their time there to placate Icarus. Person A was forced under duress to admit that they were terrified of Icarus and finally said aloud that it was wrong of them to even gotten together. Icarus's sister went for a drive to clear her head.

One on one, Icarus asked Person A to promise they would not "call them out." Among the reasons cited were Icarus's sister's disability, with Icarus worried about the monetary hit they would take from this knowledge being made public. Person A promised in an attempt to make it stop. Icarus acknowledged their relationship as wrong but then justified it as "protecting" Person A. Icarus would later ask Person A in a car together while they were along if they were "still" scared of them, to which Person A lied and said no.

Much of the end of this friendship was filled with lies from Person A, who did not consider Icarus safe, let alone a friend. They would wait out getting out of the country to be honest about their feelings. Person A feels that they were being silenced and controlled, whether or not Icarus was doing so intentionally. Any apology Icarus had offered was meaningless to them due to this, and Person A feels as though this shows a lack of change.

Person A was able to leave in December of 2020 due to the remote learning options set up during COVID-19. They were a semester behind Icarus due to failing a course in their first year, but had otherwise taken the same exact classes with them for four years.

Person A would cut Icarus off in March of 2021. In December of 2021, they messaged Icarus's sister to swear they weren't planning to talk about it more. This promise was broken in November 2022 when Person A was re-traumatized through Icarus rejoining Tumblr, the place this had started. Person A did not learn Icarus was there until November, though they had been there for longer. [link]

Nell's above November messages were sent the day Person A realized Icarus was on Tumblr and had namedropped them both.

It was around this time that Person A was approached by and made amends with the other individual from the DND group. Person A compared experiences with him and he recalled that they had made a similar offer: move to Australia, go to school here. This document will not go further into his experience with Icarus, but this is the second minor Icarus attempted to coerce into moving to another country, isolated from their support systems.

While there is much more that could be said, this covers a lot of the most major parts of what Person A has experienced with as much evidence supporting it as possible. Much has been trimmed from this post for the sake of clarity and brevity. While much of this can be viewed as "he said, she said," they ask that you consider the broader picture. While Person A is not comfortable with comparing these incidents to human trafficking. However, their story mirrors the experience of trafficking victims up until the "exploitation" stage. Any time Icarus stated they could leave, there were simultaneously dozens of reasons thet could not, ranging from guilt, dependency, money, completion of their degree, and trauma.

Reiterating, please do not make Person A's identity known. Please do not approach this flippantly or as "internet drama."

Like Nell had claimed for themself, they are attempting to simply "live."

Person A strongly feels they can not live in good conscience without having it be known the behavior that Icarus and Nell have engaged in. Person A considers both of these people dangerous. Yet, they have had hang-ups about speaking up before this, believing that they are exaggerating the above events or twisting the story to make Icarus is the bad guy. The fear that they will hurt Icarus's family is one they struggle to move past. Given the gravity of the claims, they feel it would not be right to just sweep it all under the rug and fight to move on silently.

They thank you for reading their story and would like to end with something a friend of theirs said in comfort:

"When someone does something that impacts your life it becomes your story, not only theirs. Everyone's allowed to talk about their lives."

#hydrabones #chimericade #wildeornes #deathpoker #toyhouse #webtoon #deviantart #twitter #tumblr

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paperandsong · 2 years

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The Challenges of a Phantom Daily

With the success of Dracula Daily, some gothic lit fans are asking, why not a Phantom Daily too? There would be some major challenges to reading Gaston Leroux’s Phantom of the Opera in the same way that readers are enjoying Bram Stoker’s Dracula. But it wouldn’t be impossible. Let’s talk about how it could happen.

Challenge: Unlike Stoker’s Dracula, Phantom of the Opera is not written chronologically. Dracula Daily works because we can image we are reading these alarming letters sent directly from Jonathan Harker in real time. Phantom of the Opera’s narrator, G.L. does not tell the story in order. Sometimes entire scenes are repeated from the perspective of a different character. Rearranging the story to make it chronological would be to rip it to shreds.

Challenge: There are very few real dates in the Phantom of the Opera. January 11, 25 and whenever Carnaval happened in whatever year it takes place are all we get to determine the dates of the rest of the story.

Possible Solution: Phantom of the Opera was first published as a serial in Le Gaulois, between September 23, 1909 and January 8, 1910. While we couldn’t easily read the story on the dates of the action, we could read each installment on the date it was originally published.

Challenge: Dracula was originally written in English and Dracula Daily is sending out the original English text. Phantom of the Opera was originally written in French. If people wanted to read the French on the dates it was originally published in Le Gaulois, this could be done. Scans of the original are freely availably online and @fdelopera actually put them all on their blog, on the corresponding dates back in 2014. You can read them here. These posts could even be reblogged starting September 23 - why aren’t we already doing this every year?!

Challenge: Well, not everyone in the Phantom of the Opera fandom speaks French. And while there are six or seven different English translations of the Phantom of the Opera, the text as it appeared in Le Gaulois has not yet been officially translated into English. This matters because what appeared in the serial is slightly different from what was later compiled into the original French novel. An entire chapter was even left out.

Challenge: And if we wanted to read it in English, which English? The original 1911 English translation by Alexander Teixeira de Mattos is famously full of holes. Pages of text were left out. The newer, more faithful translations, are probably still under copyright.

Possible Solutions: What are your thoughts? Dracula Daily is successful for certain reasons that might not work with other novels. With Dracula, we can pretend we are Jonathan’s friend. Reading Phantom, perhaps the best we can do is pretend we’re reading the serial in 1909.

#phantom of the opera #le fantôme de l'opéra #gaston leroux #phantom translations #poto-dracula #dracula daily #phantom daily

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chaninfused · 2 years

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M'lady I have some urgent questions-

1) How does one masterlist things

2) I started writing on ao3 but should I also post it here-- or just links?

(akdhkdhdk I am confusion, looking for an opinion but no pressureeee) (hope you're having a great day!!)

WOLIA I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SOMETHING TO DISTRACT MYSELF WITH (says furat from four days ago 🤦🏻‍♀️)

okay, first: if you’re talking about tumblr masterlists (which i assume you are. why would you come to me otherwise- 😭), they’re essentially a post with a list. my main masterlist is in chronological order of posting. most people like to organize their work according to members. figure out how you want to organize the list of your works and how you want to format it—do you want to include small descriptions of each work, word count, genres or a genre guide. and then it’s simply typing down the titles and linking the source work to them. if you don’t know how to create a hyperlink on tumblr, all you have to do is select or highlight the text you want and you’ll find the hyperlink icon. click on it and paste the url in the field and voila! a link.

aesthetics are a nice detail too! would you like to create a banner with a title or litter dividers for each section—the possibilities are endless 😌

as to how to find the things you’re trying to put in a masterlist, I’d recommend using your blog’s archive to find the posts. I personally think masterlists should be made early on so that every time you post, you can simply add a new link rather than go scavenging for the post 🤔

secondly, honestly I don’t know 😭 but maybe you’d like to have your writing reach more people so posting on different platforms is helpful! links might not intrigue some people enough to click and read, but reading the few first lines is a great way to grab people’s attention. so, in my opinion, posting the actual piece of writing is a better decision when you’re first starting off.

#major idiot alert 🚨 i started answering this when i was suffering in class and then drafted it when the lecturer arrived #AND THEN I PROCEEDED TO FORGET IT 🤡 im so sorry i can’t be trusted #I would say def try posting on tumblr the interaction is a bit different but it’s fun !!#farashat 🦋#sundooq 💌

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fieurissons · 2 years

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28 & 43 for the numbers game! 🙏💕

coming right up!!! sorry to keep you waiting; answering these takes longer than I anticipated and every time I answer one, something else comes up on my to-do list :________:

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc?)

I think I'm very fortunate so far! I don't recall anyone stressing me out to update or sending negative comments (there have possibly been some instances but nothing jumps out atm). I am generally happy to take constructive criticism so if anything does come my way that's not entirely friendly, I'd probably interpret it as that.

Deadlines: I am Horrible with them I've only done 2 fests (dropped out of a third so we'll leave it at that), but my approach tends to be: write the first 50% on the day of the fest sign-up, then write the remaining 50% within the week it's due. I lose steam so easily after the initial burst of creativity and often only regain it under time pressure. No idea why this is, considering I don't procrastinate in real life. Anyway, mods are more often than not accommodating so when I need an extension/to drop out I'd just be honest ^_^ there's not really a point in doing what you don't enjoy and writing's supposed to be fun.

I suppose it goes for being pressured to update too. I want to see things through, of course, but I'd do the people asking for updates more justice when I do things at my own pace!

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

just one? I have so many! will list them out anyway!

not writing-exclusive but the friends I gained over the years (blowing kisses to kiyay and ara especially, listed in chronological order here I love you two equally)

having my others join my creative space using their own media: final approach & orion soonhoon artworks, this a city of roses edit.

stumbling across compliments which aren't necessarily meant for you to see. knowing people just feel a certain way about your writing, enough to write about the fic in a blog post, live tweets, etc. may not mean A Lot to them but definitely means A Lot to me. (looking at wren. almost cried when I was casually, happily reading through their dreamwidth and found shadow come together).

final approach changed someone's life in a way I never intended it to................I'm going to keep the details confidential but yeah. man. hits hard every time.

17hols remix by hwa #goals. literally screamed when I got the email notification. whatever. I am just a Person

probably every time svt adapts a concept remotely close to something I wrote moons ago and people go: hey, this reminds me of _____! and vee you manifested this! so....cool. you get excited with me??? are we on vee island, population 5? a kiss for you! and you! and everyone!

see what I mean about one answer taking forever? anyway, thank you for indulging me. hope these entertain you!!

#q #ask game

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cyle · 2 years

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Greetings, first off, than you for your awesome posts, tumblr info-related and not.

I came across a post where a user said their dashboard was missing posts by other users they follow; they said that when they reached out to support, support indicated it was normal and by design - the dash is all chronological (if set as such), but not necessarily every single post is included from who you follow. They recommended to use the notification feature to not miss a post.

Is this accurate and can you talk a little bit about this? As someone who follows a lot of blogs, I don’t want to sift through notifications to look at a chronological timeline, or avoid missing anything. I’m wondering what’s the situation with it.

Thank you!

i'm right there with you on not wanting to miss anything. i'm pretty religious about keeping up with literally every post on my dashboard.

i think it's technically true that this can happen, but it's by far an extremely rare event. one that i don't know if we can even detect in our logs. i wouldn't be surprised if it's a one in a million event. in tech we call this an "edge case".

the cases where a post could be "missing" from the dashboard are varied and some of them are a consequence of architecture decisions, but for each of those decisions there are many more fallbacks and safety nets to make sure you don't miss a post. there are a lot of variables to consider here under the hood, because trying to load every post from all of the blogs you follow (potentially many thousands) is no small feat.

off the top of my head, i can think of maybe this happening because they have "Best stuff first" enabled, which uses a series of algorithms to re-sort the dashboard feed in a way that may make it seem like a post gets "missed", when really it's just not where you'd expect it to be if you were expecting a purely reverse-chronological timeline. it's probably there, though, if you keep scrolling.

another way i think this could happen is if you're using some third party API client to read your dashboard feed and you're using one of the old-but-still-supported time-based pagination techniques to go page-by-page. in that case, it's possible to miss a post entirely if it was published literally at the same second as another post and it's on a page boundary. but that should never happen if you're using tumblr.com or one of our apps or our standard dashboard pagination strategy, which is by post ID.

another possibility is that you can see that post in a different view, and the date you're seeing is actually the user-set "back date", which is not the same as the publish date, making it seem like it should've been at a certain time in your dashboard, but it wouldn't be. we only use that user-set "back date" for your blog view, not the dashboard. that can be pretty confusing if you're trying to debug it yourself.

in the end: it depends on the specific circumstance of their issue, what post was thought to be missed, etc. this isn't even accounting for possibilities like the post got deleted or the blog was temporarily suspended during the time you thought you should see it, or they blocked you, or lots of other possibilities that make it difficult to figure this out.

but in general, 99.9999% of the time, you should never miss a post on your dashboard if you keep scrolling back and back and back to where you last left off in your previous session. even if you have "Best stuff first" enabled, we don't reshuffle the posts you already saw last time.

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afishlearningpoetry · 3 years

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hi!! i am on the blog theory train but i was wondering what the significance/explanation is for “the six thatchers” already being a post on john’s blog. it’s the one thing i have a hard time rationalizing in terms of blog theory, like if john is trying to build a strong alibi, why would he blatantly reuse something from his own blog?

Because this is what Watson did in the canon during The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes stories.

The first story, The Adventure of The Mazarin Stone, was adapted from a one-act stage play, and that stage play was based on the scene in The Empty House where Sherlock uses a dummy in his loft to outwit the enemy, which is what happens in Mazarin Stone. So Doyle is repeating the same scenario twice, which is one of the criticisms of the Casebook stories, that they’re too repetitive, too weird, that they went downhill compared to the rest of the canon. Holmes narrates two of the stories in Casebook, in the show he narrates TST. Watson downplays his involvement several times in his narration, in the show John shrinks himself as much as he can and a random person suddenly doesn’t know the blog that’s going downhill is his even though it’s kind of hard to miss. Like John lmao what are you talking about? He’s an insecure mess.

His alibi repeating the six thatchers storyline doesn’t necessarily make his alibi less strong; the key to making his innocence believable is 1. Making their relationships as a trio as perfect as possible under the circumstances 2. Creating an emotional cheating subplot that displaces his emotional cheating with Sherlock and gives him a flaw he has to resolve by the end of TLD, which also makes his grief believable, and 3. Making him late to the aquarium with a conversation Mary can’t testify to but everyone else there can, by lying.

It’s passable enough that with some help from Lestrade (who is in on the coverup on some level, because he’s standing there at the aquarium not calling an ambulance) his alibi holds up. The six thatchers storyline he’s posting on his blog is for the public to read, not strictly the murder investigation (for ex., meaning that if he’s using a burner phone, or Sherlock is using one to communicate with John during TST and that’s what the cheating storyline is covering up, the texts we’re shown are vague enough they don’t mention who it is and they might be processed as evidence, and then in the blog entry to the public he says it’s Eurus, who has no impact on the story). We’re seeing a visual representation of that.

So all of this is tied into larger ideas about how the show is retelling the narrative, meta narrative and extra narratives of the canon into one comprehensive story. If you look at the chronological publication of the canon (though the show jumps around all the time with individual stories), they hit 1. Adventure, 2. Memoirs, 3. Return and His Last Vow, and then 4. Casebook with each successive series. Him reusing a previous case is totally in line with canon and it’s why series 4 is also John’s story and not in Sherlock’s mind.

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overanalysingfandoms · 2 years

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So regarding how I'm going to carry out Teen Titans In Review (TTIR for short) a few things have changed.

1. The structure

I will live blog all of my thoughts on one, most likely very long post, so watching the episode if you can or at least being familiar with it would help before you read the post.

I also have a tendency to go on tangents or to have my thoughts go from one thing to another, so, while I'll do my best to try and organise my chaos be prepared for some serious, and sometimes seemingly random, rambling.

At the end I will sum up my thoughts on the episode and say anything more I want to say at the time, it is possible that I will sometimes do follow up posts afterwards to add thoughts/opinions, I'll see how it goes as I actually do TTIR

2. The episode order

Now, in my original post I said I would do the episode order as it was originally meant to be ('Divide and Conquer' first, 'Sisters' second etc.) and then say if it was released in a different order and if I thought it should be in a different place in the season etc.

But to be honest I think that's a bit too complicated so I'm going to do it in the order I think it should be watched.

Which is:

Final Exam

Sisters

Divide And Conquer

Thunder And Lightning

Sum Of His Parts

Nevermore

Switched

Deep Six

Car Trouble

Masks

Mad Mod/Detention

Apprentice Part 1

Apprentice Part 2

The episodes which I have changed the number of are in bold

Note - This is the order I think it should be watched, if it's a rewatch I would switch 'Final Exam' and 'Divide And Conquer' because chronologically DAC comes first but FE is the better opening episode and I would like to analyse it as such.

I have switched 'Divide and Conquer' and 'Final Exam' and moved 'Car Trouble' from being Episode 13 to Episode 9.

I might talk about why I have made these changes when I eventually reach the episodes but who knows, I guess we'll see when I get to them

That's all for now, if you read all of that thanks so much I really am looking forward to doing this and hope to get started ASAP, life is still hectic because atm so I'll try my best, but at least I've managed to give an update :)

#teen titans in review #teen titans #tt03 #teen titans 2003 #starfire #robin #beast boy #raven #cyborg #TTIR #update #long post #btw if anyone could tell me how to do the 'read more' thing it would be much appreciated #I hate clogging up tags with long posts #robstar #bbrae

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k1ttyadventurer · 4 years

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AvA Thoughts and Ideas

Yes, this is my first blog post. I can’t believe it was Animator vs Animation that made me want to interact with people on this site.

@sammy8d257 (I’m the anon that wanted to add to your theories) and @inksandpensblog, I’m tagging you guys because I really like your AvA theory crafting and I want to share my thoughts with you. Hope you don’t mind getting tagged. (Also, I’m so down to discuss this stuff in DMs or on Discord if you want? I’m craving AvA discussion.)

Edit: Rephrased a few things to flow better or be better understood. Also added a new point I just thought of. Edit 2: Fixing things that didn't get fixed the first time.

Okay, so, AvA.

(Also, I will be calling Orange/Second ‘Orange’ because that’s what Alan calls him, unless I’m referring to “avatar-state” Orange, then I may refer to him as ‘Second’.)

((Also, also, my thoughts jump around quite a bit, sorry about that! Hope you can follow my thought process.))

(((Also, also, also, my opinions and headcanons expressed here are not set in stone. They could definitely change, which has already happened over the course of writing this.)))

1) Chosen’s relationship with Dark. - I definitely think that Chosen liked Dark (no offense to shippers, but I’m talking purely friendship here), however, I would guess that Dark considered the two of them much closer than Chosen did. - Chosen initially followed Dark’s lead when destroying things. It was all he had known, and Dark wanted to do it. But Chosen started noticing it was actually hurting others, and didn’t really achieve anything. - When they came to odds, Chosen struck first, while Dark just tried to stubbornly continue with his plan. It makes Chosen look like he immediately jumped to attacking, but I’d like to point out, in the flashback, he actively wanted Dark to stop attacking others when they were on the Newgrounds page. I think this means that this tension had been building up for some time. It wasn’t a sudden thing of Chosen deciding to attack Dark. It was likely sudden for Dark, because Chosen didn’t communicate with him (probably), but for Chosen, I think the creation of the virus was simply the last thing that convinced him that his former friend was actually an evil person. - (I would love to see a reformed Dark and Chosen being friends! But, I think trying to say he wasn’t all bad in the first place is severely glossing over the fact that he did--and was going to do--some awful, awful things.) - Chosen had no hesitance when he returned from defeating the first spider virus. He was going to beat Dark. - (I also find it interesting that Chosen knew where this second location was. From what I can gather from the AvG reaction, it was meant to be a more secret location for Dark? Did Chosen watch him from afar and discover it? Just thinking.) - TLDR: Chosen had already started expecting Dark might become an enemy before Dark revealed the virus.

2) Chosen’s opinion of Alan. - Plain and simple, I don’t think Chosen hates Alan. I don’t think he even holds a grudge anymore. - Yeah, he definitely hated Alan when he was chained up. He held a grudge for a long while after he escaped. But. I think as he watched Dark’s actions and the impact his destruction had on others, he started to see what Alan saw when Chosen was destroying Alan’s PC. - When he entered Alan’s computer, and started trying to defend Alan’s PC, he was now in Alan’s shoes. He was the cursor, the anti-virus, who didn’t want or choose to have this destruction happen. - After the fight, he sees other sticks on the computer and is forced to consider it may have been his own fault he got 'tamed', since the proof of Alan getting along with, or at least tolerating, stick figures was in front of him. - It doesn’t mean what Alan did was right, but Chosen now sees why Alan chained him. After all, isn’t Chosen himself now on his way to destroy Dark? He and Alan aren’t so different. He nods to Alan, acknowledging him, even forgiving him. Alan nods back. There’s a level of acceptance that has been established between them. Alan respects stick figures significantly more, and Chosen sees Alan isn’t a heartless monster. - So, when Alan’s cursor joins the fight against Dark, they were already on the same page. Preventing needless violence with violence. Not to mention, have you seen how many hits Alan purposely took for Chosen? As soon as the black blades came out, Alan got between them and Chosen as often as he could. Alan came to help Chosen, not just to defeat Dark. - If Chosen could ally so quickly with Dark, and then turn on him when he realized Dark’s morals were wrong, why can’t the reverse be true with Chosen realizing Alan had changed for the better?

3) Chosen’s opinion of Orange. - I believe it was Inks who said that Chosen feels something along the lines of submissive towards Orange at the end. While I do agree that Chosen’s bow doesn’t seem worshipful, I don’t think it’s Chosen ‘giving up’. I think it’s simply showing respect and gratitude in a very similar sense to how the five bowed to him after dealing with the virus. He’s just... far less emotive. It’s a nice parallel.

4) The effects of the virus spiders and blades on Chosen. - Personally, I think the reason it looks like the virus has so little effect on Chosen is because of his coloring. Orange is, well, orange, so the black wounds are obviously going to show. - You can see Chosen showing weakness in both his fight with the spider virus and his fight with Dark. The weakness shows itself in hesitation, slower response, straight up laying in a crater or the water for an extended period of time. - I think at the end, when the Dark sends the virus to infect the internet, Chosen is laying there unmoving because he literally can’t move. His body language reads of someone looking up weakly, unable to do anything but wanting to. The viruses temporarily disabled him (but, notably, it took all of them to do so). Dark can’t actually kill Chosen or delete him, but he’s been successfully incapacitated, so Dark can move forward with his plan, unhindered. - I just don’t think Chosen would ever, ever give up. If he can fight back, he will. He has never backed down once, even when there seems to be no way he can win. He almost lost to a spider virus--there’s even subtle hints later that he’s afraid of fighting them--but he still attacks the whole swarm until he literally can’t anymore.

5) Dark fighting Orange. - With stabbing Orange, it becomes clear that he’s not being as quickly affected by the blade as his friends. That’s why the Dark lord raises him off the ground; he grew impatient. (Also, Chosen reacts to Orange being stabbed? Is it because he knows Orange is one of Alan’s creations as opposed to the other four sticks? Or does he literally feel something?) - Dark becomes absolutely furious at Orange’s attempts to attack him and frustrated that Orange won’t simply die. Too reminiscent of Chosen. Also, I would like to note that, before he even stabbed Orange, Dark hits him the hardest out of the four still standing.

6) Orange’s powers. - Before I say anything about Orange’s avatar-state, I want to point out that his talents seem a whole lot more like Victim’s than Chosen's? I don’t know, if it weren’t for the fact that he has some label saying “The Chosen One’s Return,” I’d say he’s actually the ‘second coming’ of Victim. - Okay, now to his powers. Almost all of them are souped up versions of Chosen’s, with two exceptions. The whole reviving/restoring code ability, and the ability to fly/float without flames. The latter of these two abilities is something we see Dark do after he puts on his black band. The former could also very well be associated with Dark, considering Second had to go to Dark’s console to revive his friends. Food for thought. - There’s a trade off here in the power scaling. Second is so much stronger than Chosen, but obviously can’t tap into his powers whenever he wants. Not to mention, he seemingly can’t use them indefinitely. If Dark somehow managed to avoid getting blasted into the beyond, Orange would be in major trouble if his super-state has a time limit. - Then there’s the whole sleeping thing in videos that likely take place later chronologically? On the build competition video where Orange literally can’t stay awake for fifteen seconds despite punching himself in the face, there was something Alan did that always struck me as odd. He hearted a comment saying something like ‘should we be concerned about Orange’s narcolepsy?’ almost implying that we should be concerned? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I haven’t seen him just heart “funny-haha” comments before. (I would also like to point out it is very possible for this to be planned out. These AvM video scripts were likely written after AvA’s scripts even if the videos were finished first.)

7) What next for Chosen doing things with the color squad? - I think, despite the many, many issues that will come up if Chosen ‘play-fights’ with the others (as I stated as an Anon to Sammy), it would be incredibly healthy for him once he can do it safely and have fun. He was born wanting to fight. It’s his calling. And he’s really good at it. Finding a way to do it without hurting others? That’s the best thing he could ever have. - Okay, and, what if, Chosen doesn’t quite understand why Orange doesn’t remember going super, but he decides that he’s going to get to the bottom of Orange’s powers and, in the process, starts training Orange. (It probably starts with Chosen being all, ‘come here’ and flies up, while Orange is just, ‘what? I can’t do that.’ ‘Yes you can. Do it.’ Of course, that blunt method of teaching is not going to work, so Chosen has to learn to communicate better.) Training may or may not actually be successful, but imagine him and Orange bonding. - Both the color squad and Chosen adopting each other. They both parent the other in their own ways, and just. Be cute together. Chosen learns how to people and relax, and gets, like, super attached to these weak little sticks? So, the color squad now has an overprotective higher being watching over them, and the awe they have of his power is quickly cut short when they learn he’s never played cards before? - The sticks also show off their skills to Chosen and he’s just. Confused. Why would you tap blocks just to make a sound? Make something to harvest wheat when you can do it by hand? Why are you eating that. Animals? Okay, actually, holding this cat is nice.

(I deleted my old conclusion on accident, and I don't remember what it said. I don't think it was important, though. Thanks for reading! Please share any thoughts if you have any!)

#K1ttyTalks #K1ttyTalksAvA #Alan Becker #Animator vs Animation #AvA Shorts #AvA #AvATheory #AvAHeadcanon #AvAAnalysis

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captlok · 3 years

Text

Pacifism Isn’t A Character Trait

Or: MLK Day is Upon Us so Let Me Do You a Learn

Or: As An Aang Stan I Got a Bit Over-Zealous But Lemme Explain Why For A Hot Minute

Plus some History and Tumblr commentary that even non-ATLA fans can chew on

And by ‘hot minute’ I do mean this is going to be a long meta, so strap in. For those of you who just might be tuning into this debacle, I, a person who has not used Tumblr, much at all, except for the last half year, ran into some trouble.

If you wanna skip the whole TLDNR interpersonal stuffs and get straight to Why Aang is the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread, I will embolden the relevant parts, and italicize the crit of Korra, if you want that alongside.

I was excited that ATLA was seeing a resurgence due to the Netflix remake. I wasn’t even trying to apply any steep expectations for it. (learned not to do that the hard way with the last live action adaption, and to a much lesser extent, ATLOK, since it had good . . . elements, *ba dum tsshh*)

So, these are a couple aspects of the issue: (1) Even on the internet, I am extremely introverted and until recently mostly came for content, not socializing. My main online interactions thus far have been in forums and artist-to-artist on DA. Tumblr is still very strange to me because it splits up its ‘threads’ so you can’t see all the replies if a certain pattern of users responds in their own space. I’m not even 100% sure it’s in chronological order, and replies are not nested next to each other so you can look in the comments and someone will be replying to something you can’t see in that window. And also since it is a bizarre hybrid of a blogging system, posts are somehow considered ‘owned by’ or an ‘extension of’ OP in a way forum threads are not. (2) ATLOK was good in a cinematic and musical way, to be sure. It also had some good concepts. I can go into it just appreciating it for the worldbuilding and be somewhat satisfied. But the execution was terrible. I was on AvatarSpirit.Net for years, and If I had maintained my presence on ASN to current day and had gotten around to downloading their archive now that the forum is dead, I would include some links to other peoples’ detailed analyses on just how flawed both the plotting and Korra’s frustratingly flat learning curve was especially in the first two seasons. But, that is a task for another day, and only if people are interested.

No, what I’m addressing today, on the issue of Korra as a writing exercise, is how Mike and Bryan said specifically they wanted to make her ‘as opposite to Aang as possible’ and in so doing, muddied the central theme of the original ATLA series.

Now, again, I was mainly an art consumer for my first major round of ATLA fandom. Tumblr is an alien beast to me. But, after I write my first major Aang meta, talking about how amazing it is that he has the attitude he does, and how being content in the face of this overwhelming pain and suffering is an ONGOING PROCESS and an INTENTIONAL DECISION and not a simple PERSONALITY TRAIT, I start hearing that Aang gets a lot of hate from the fandom. Now this would be bad enough if it were merely people not liking his crowning moment of pacifism because they don’t understand the potential utility (I’ll elaborate on that in another post) or the ethics involved.

Aang is easily the most adult member of the Gaang. But he apparently gets hate for his few moments where he actually acts his age, a preteen, and maybe kisses a girl in a historical timeframe in which ‘consent’ discussions were probably nonexistent. Even in the present day, we are still practically drowned in movies that reinforce this kissing without asking trope. And even some female bodied people complain that asking kills the mood! But somehow he is responsible and reprehensible for this, even though the first time she kissed him back. I’m only going to get into the pacifism discussion today, but that was just another layer of annoyance bouncing around in the back of my head. Other peoples’ crit of Korra that was stewing in my subconscious, plus this Aang bashing, which thankfully I had not directly read much of, made up the backdrop of gasoline for the match that set it off. Even that seems a pretty melodramatic way to phrase what I actually said, which was: Aang, on the other hand, lost dozens of father figures and was being steamrolled by Ozai who was gloating about genocide TO HIS FACE, yet he still reigned in all that quote, ‘unbelievable rage and pain’ (The Southern Raiders). We Stan Aang, the Superior Avatar. No I did not f**king stutter. #AangSupremacy In another meta, someone complained that I was too defensive of Aang as a character and didn’t apply literary analysis enough, which I quickly rectified.

What set this off? Someone was kind of indirectly praising the line from Korra, “When I get out of here, none of you will survive” To them it was emotionally resonant or whatever, and I have to point out that no, it was a martial artist not having control of their state of mind, as is the bedrock of the practice. It was never addressed by the narrative, which is a severe oversight. I had a conversation with someone in the chats, making this distinction between Korra’s character traits and life philosophy. If she were to kill people while enraged and she was fine with that, that’s one thing. But if she regretted it, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. People argue that she comes from a warrior culture, unlike Aang.

Never mind that warrior monks are a thing. That’s what Shaolin monks are. You can be a pacifist and skilled at fighting. Those things are not mutually exclusive, which is the whole point of Bagua, Aang’s style. And also, Katara’s style.

That’s one reason I like Kataang so much- their congruent styles. Both of their real world martial arts are dedicated to pacifism, even though ATLA specifically doesn’t spell that out for Katara and her learning arc.

There was a meta where someone briefly tried to argue that knowing “martial arts” is against pacifism. No. Quite the opposite. I’d argue that you are not a true pacifist unless you know exactly how to handle yourself if someone attacks you. If you are not in a position to make conscious decisions about how much force to use, rather than merely operating on survival instincts, that is not pacifism. Or at least, not any energy or effort towards pacifism as a practical everyday tool. I’ve made a few attempts to learn some tai chi and aikido, and it’s improved my physical and mental health, but some other things have gotten in the way. #lifegoals

I’m not going to tag the unfortunate soul whom I was replying to, because they’re probably tired of all this, but I’ll be sending them a PM to say that I’ve made this into a different post, because as I mentioned before, threads are somehow considered “owned” by OP, so it’s been pointed out to me that I should separate it. I also said, I have basically ZERO respect for Korra uttering violent threats when the writers already minted a far more emotionally devastated and yet still resilient and centered character earlier in their franchise. People always try to excuse away people who genuinely like Aang more. As if it’s just nostalgia or whatever. For me, no, it’s absolutely not. It is respect for a character who stands toe to toe with real people who are kind in the face of overwhelming injustice. (I have another meta on that).

Both OP and people in the chats try to make excuses that she wasn’t raised as a pacifist, and that would be fine if they had addressed it with Tenzin and she had stated outright that she was rejecting pacifism and mind training. As it is, we are left with this nebulous affair where the lines between ideology and personality traits are blurred.

We are told she “has trouble with spirituality” but what does that even mean? Does she have trouble with focus? Does she have trouble relating to the canonically real spirits? And pacifism specifically nor inner peace that it flows from is never even talked about as an extension of spirituality, which is canonically tied to airbending.

“Aang didn't have to deal once with the loss of his autonomy in atla” OP claims.

This was after I had noted that Aang was getting kicked around by Ozai and was most likely going to die. Similarly, someone in the chat rejected the idea that a 12 year old trapped in a stone sphere that is heating up under a cyclone-sized blowtorch feels powerless.

Sorry but that’s flat out ridiculous.

No one wants to admit that both of these people were faced with similar situations, and when push came to shove, one showed his LIFE PHILOSOPHY through conscious effort, and the other was abandoning the basis of martial arts, which is, no matter what the situation, keep thinking. Hold the panic at bay. Non-attachment would have served her well in this situation. Tenzin should have told her this. Before, or afterwards. It should have been addressed in the writing.

People see this as “bashing” Korra, and oh well, can’t help that. If I think the writers didn’t follow through on their themes, that is my concern. OP said I was “offended.” No, not really.

I wasn’t offended by the post itself, or its commentary. Thought I made that pretty clear.

This is not dramatics. Let me be blunt.

As a ideological pacifist, and an actual practitioner of meditation, based on Buddhism, NOT just the fan of some show, I am for calling out writers who write one way from the survivor of genocide, and then stray from that ‘thoughtless aggression is immoral no matter HOW hurt I am’ to ‘let’s not address this character’s aggression in the narrative whatsoever.’ OP attempted to derail by accusing me of being racist or sexist against Korra. Also ridiculous. It honestly should have set me off more, but it didn’t.

Meditation is about reigning in your emotions. Managing your anger when it gets out of hand, and digging down to the roots of it. Being responsible for your own behavoir. Acknowledging ownership of your own actions. Not blaming anything YOU DO on anyone else or any circumstances in your life. Like an adult, or should I say, an enlightened adult.

Or at the very least, that is the ideal ypu strive towards while being imperfect in the present.

. . .

Now.

I’m going to quote a passage in a Google Doc of mine, even though I’d really prefer if you asked to read the whole thing, with context.

“What do humans do when it is necessary to, or greed makes a nation want to recruit?

They go to the army to get trained, right?

Granted, having someone scream and get spittle on your face is, in the grand scheme of things, poor preparation for having bullets whiz past your chest and grenades shatter your ears. And, what do you do to prepare you for the pain of getting your leg blown off? Hopefully, nothing. Like taking a test where you only got half the study guide. But, it’s about the most ethical way to go about it, right?

Not everyone even sees action. So any more more extensive mental preparation for physical pain than that, and you’d have people definitely protesting.

Well, as it turns out, pacifistic protestors themselves, if they were in the right time and place, also very intentionally do this type of mind training. Except, when they did it, they actually did sit still and took turns roughly grabbing each other and throwing each other down and in some cases, even kicking and bruising each other.

Turns out, those pacifists are, in some ways, more hardcore than the army.

Why is this?

Because a pacifist’s aim, unlike a unit, who wants to gain the upper hand in a situation, is to grit their teeth and grind their way through all those survival instincts, and totally submit.

In this, they aim to get the sympathy of the public, who clearly sees they are not aggressive, or a danger, no matter how much the footage is manipulated or suppressed.

In this, they hope to appeal to their attacker’s better nature.

Make them stop and think, wait a second, are these people a threat like we’re told they are? I’m attacking someone who’s letting me beat them up. Or a bunch of people. All forming a line, and letting us peel them off. Or sitting, and bowing their heads. If I’m on the ‘right’ side of things, the law, why am I doing this?

It’s not like a bully, who’s just a kid.” They’re more self-aware.

And might I add the situation influences a pacifist’s actions too. There’s no reason to let a single or a few random attackers beat you up if you can evade or disable without permanent damage.

Pacifism is a dynamic set of responsive actions informed by values. Not a proscribed set or a checklist.

But in terms of organizing against state power, and recording wrongdoing, which unlike during the Civil Rights can happen from all angles from smart phones nowadays, these are the motivations.

“So, the pacifist knows this, and that’s why they go through all that trouble of training themselves to, not only submit, but not turn tail and run, either.”

See, a character trait is something like being a morning person, or ways of handing information, or a given set of emotions a character feels. Once you cross over into actions, you must make the distinction of whether an impulsive character agrees with their own uncontrolled actions, or is embarrassed or remorseful. Those are life philosophy. Now sure, one type of person or character may be more likely to subscribe to pacifism, but there is no gatekeeping on what you have to feel or how you look at things. You can be easygoing, or feel all the rage in the world, but as long as you at least attempt to have a handle on those desires and feelings to where they do not cross into actions, you are still doing the work of metacognition, which is what martial arts and its accompanying mind training are for.

It’s what we see Aang do.

He’s informed us, during the Southern Raiders, on how much rage and pain he feels.

Pain points, TRIGGERS, that were directly struck at when Ozai gloated over him.

He joins with all the past Avatars for several moments, and just like every other time he is in the Avatar State, he is enraged. He wants to exact revenge on the unrepentant grandson of a baby murderer.

We see it when he turns his head away, face still screwed up in anger.

For another example, I could cite my difficulties in being aware and reining in my tongue sometimes. I know the roots of these issues and I seek to let them go.

It’s just that process takes way longer than Guru Pathik would have us assume.

In fact, I would even say that Aang’s portrayal throughout the three seasons is not strictly a realistic representation of at least the sad side of grief. I addressed that a little when I talked about real life figures. But what it IS, is a metaphor that cuts very deep to the heart of pacifism. As I showed in that Doc . . . There is no limit of suffering a pacifist is willing to go through, internal or external, for the preservation of peace.

This was demonstrated during the Civil Rights, and with Gandhi and all his followers beforehand, inspiring them. The pacifists’ method of swaying hearts is probably the reason BLM exists in such numbers as it does today. Will the types of narratives that correspond with their full stories of the way they collectively planned and trained for and approached conflict make it into fantasy media? I’d say, probably not. For a host of reasons.

It could be hoped for, I guess.

But we DO have Aang.

As for myself, whether speaking sharply is an “action,” per se is up for debate- certainly it doesn’t seem to violate the non-aggression principle put forth by the vision of a “stateless society.”

For another example, let’s take my explanation at the beginning. I am examining how circumstances affected my actions, and now am attempting to fix it, if indeed it needs to be fixed.

At least one person said that it not so much what I said, but how and when I said it. I don’t actually think I’ve said anything “wrong” per se. So I have to figure it out.

[I’m considering splitting up this next part into a second post, as it only slightly relates to pacifism itself and is just kinda some more commentary on Tumblr itself- Tumblr discourse, as it were]

[I’ll put more brackets when I’m done in case you want to skip this part as well]

An interesting social difference between Tumblr and other places is this command you often get, “don’t chat/reblog/message me back.”

This is interesting for several reasons. For chats and reblogs, other people may be following the “conversation,” so it’s actually pretty rude and presumptuous to tell a person not to respond to whatever you said, because other people watching still may be interested in your take.

In a forum setting, if someone involved in a conversation doesn’t have anything left to say, usually they just don’t respond.

This method would work perfectly fine for Tumblr, but for some reason, maybe its super odd format, probably due to the “ownership”/“extension of self” I mentioned at the beginning of the essay, people don’t tend to do this.

Now, in comment sections, sometimes you’ll run across an amusing sort of “mutually assured destruction” where two people both say this to each other. You’d better stop responding. Omg just give up. Why are you still arguing. Etc.

But see, no matter where this behavoir pops up, and no matter who starts in on it, those who do this usually want to have the last say on the matter.

Instead of merely not replying, they want to assert verbal control over the conversation.

Tumblr, in its weirdness, is also sort of like a mutant comments section. You can post comment section threads as your own post.

Which is one reason why I’m puzzled when people say ‘don’t read the comment sections’ when Tumblr is so popular.

I’m an oddball in that I browse comment sections for fun.

Probably due to alexithymia, I didn’t really comprehend the emotional toll it takes on many people, so the warnings to “stay out of comment sections” read to me like “hey don’t eat that dessert.” After I’m done with the ‘meal’ of an article or art, I like to see what lots of different people have to say about it. The fluff. Anything vitriolic I either blip over, or extract anything useful, or if I judge the person is reasonable enough, I might engage.

Sometimes I mis-judge on how reasonable someone is, and I shrug and move on after being cussed out or whatever.

In this, I suppose I succeed much of the time in being a verbal pacifist.

[But let’s get back to the more serious stuff.]

We’re talking about what is done in life or death situations, here.

For myself, I may in the near future be working more with dangerously mentally ill people. I’ve had a little exposure to it through various means. Nurses are obligated not to retaliate against patients, and those who have, have been fired in some situations. Again oddly, this is not primarily what triggers my anxiety. Unfortunately enough, this requirement has also resulted in nurses getting seriously injured and violated. I hope to influence whether “no harm” techniques such as tai chi and aikido and arm locks may be allowed. The voluntary philosophy I was luckily already on board with is enforced by bureauacracy, directly relevant to my potential profession.

Were someone to get involved in a dangerous profession, such as a police officer, their moral duty would also be to own up to any spur of the moment anger or fear they acted on.

It’s just that their bureaucracy acts differently, in excusing their actions.

Ideally, they would be taking steps far in advance, to avoid this often-cited fear of death reaction. As training pacifists like Aang do.

And yes, army people are trained differently than police officers because the army, often, even when threatened, is supposed to avoid engagement or deploy deterrents that are non-lethal almost all costs, unless ordered otherwise. Whereas American police are given pretty much complete discretion and often not taught de-escalation techniques. Even police from other nations are better trained in that regard.

Enter the ironically named @avatarfandompolice whose account description should really speak for itself. Combative, dismissive, and their attention-hungry bread and butter is to find people they think it’s acceptable to ridicule. They basically tried to say trauma was a valid excuse to take out your anger on other people, and in this situation, potentially kill.

Now, does this hold up in the real world? Yeah, sometimes. Especially if some law breaker or law keeper has not been given the anger management tools, they perhaps could be excused, or better yet, rehabilitated.

But especially if anyone finds themselves in dangerous situations, or intends to put themselves in such, it falls to them to do this preparation.

As an aphant, I am at a bit of a disadvantage, compared to an average martial artist, being unable to visualize an attacker. But I still attempt it.

As the main “police officer” of the world- the coincidentally blue clad figurehead that is supposed to keep order, it is apparently fine for Korra to not do the work Aang did to keep level. To blow it off as too much trouble: clearing the First Chakra of fear. For herself or others. And its resultant anger. Had she had access to the Avatar State, the authority figure pretty much would have killed people. This is what the “fandom police” and a certain chat goer ultimately support. Maybe they didn’t understand it that way, and since the second had blocked me, they will also never see this explanation. Unless I were to share it in Google Doc form I suppose.

So, I responded. “Remember kids, you are not responsible for your own behavior if you have the excuse that someone else did something bad to you.” A frighteningly common sentiment on this site.

When it’s low stakes like CAPSLOCKING or internet fights, that’s not such a big deal. But what happens if this attitude leaks into the real world? This isn’t even about Korra or Aang anymore, it’s about toxic mindsets. I didn’t know fans taking pro-Korra posts as anti-Aang was a common in the fandom. I’ll say again I’ve only just gotten really active on Tumblr like the past few months. This is about pacifism itself. MLK and his hardworking, training followers (yes some of them sixteen and POC and not super-powered like Korra) facing down firehoses and staging sit-ins long trained for would shake their heads at this defense of reactionism.

Pacifism is not a Personality Trait.

It is deliberate actions and preparation taken over a period of time.

Then the “fandom police” tried more of this, and these two conversations ensued, the comments with another user resulting in the title and main thesis of this essay:

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638777472806273024/avatarfandompolice-response-to-my-independent

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638806142933467136/the-plight-was-not-what-i-was-getting-at-it-was

#atla #lok #atlok #atla meta #pacifism #martin luther king #civil rights era #history #blm #mlk #mlkday2021

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thatblondeperson · 4 years

Note

So I learnt from that Tim Drake Guy's tumblr that Steph is a bully and abusive with Tim is that true. I ask since I know you seem to agree with a lot of the thoughts expressed on that blog. Can you help me find some examples of Tim/Steph comics. I was going to get YJ but the same tumblr blog says it's bad

So I want to preface with some very solid advice I've learned from being in fandom. It's really hard to learn anything from any blog because so much of it is opinion based, that the line between headcanon and canon gets far too muddied too often, and there's also always going to be biases that come from very personal spaces. It's important to take everything that every blog says ESPECIALLY in the DC fandom, with a very large grain of salt because half the fandom really doesn't actually seem to source their information with anything other than out of context panels, shitposts, or their own perfect ideals of what they want to gleam from the pages of each comic. It's all interpretive, and I'm sure that sounds a little bit petty, but I'm adding myself in here too because I have my own opinions separate from others, despite my firm ideology in staying as close to canon as I possibly can.

As far as that blog, I actually strayed away from them because I no longer agreed with a lot of what was being said. It got to the point where it was getting very unnecessarily negative all the time, and I want no part in this ship war that drives practically every bit of drama in the Tim fandom. I think that there is a lot of merit to some of the opinions on that blog, and they're clearly an expert on Tim in many ways. I knew them personally, so I can attest to that. But I think they also read only what they WANT to read on every page, and I think that makes for a lot of gaps where misinformation can leak in. That got filled with a lot of straight up wrong assessments of Stephanie Brown, and unfortunately that blog was already prime traffic for antis to spew unnecessary hate, so once the blog itself got on board, I tapped out.

No, Stephanie is not an abuser or a bully. I think tumblr throws around the word abuse far too casually. At most, Steph teases Tim, but never to a malicious or purposefully hurtful extent. She pokes at him, just like you would with a best friend. He barely even protests. A simple "Steph..." every now and again, but he even teases her back often and jokes with her. She's not an abuser, in fact, she herself is a victim of severe abuse in her childhood. Her flirting at the beginning of her and Tim's relationship is a bit intense, but she's 15, and doesn't know how to catch his attention. Her boyfriend was clearly way older than her and did not treat her well, her father abused her mother, and she was sexually harassed by her father's friends. She's never seen a healthy relationship to know how to act. Once they get together, she mellows out and is actually very compassionate and kind with Tim, and especially supportive.

A lot of haters throw around all this terrible stuff she did.

They say she stole Robin from Tim. He stepped away from the mantle, and she thought she caught him cheating, and Bruce opened up the opportunity for her.

They highlight a time when she almost blew Tim up. Bruce told her to do something drastic to force Tim to be a better Robin. Should she have thought it through? Yes. But she was young, and still desperate to prove herself.

Steph is a loose canon throughout a lot of her appearances. She doesn't always think before she acts, and that is one of her major flaws. She gets into trouble often, and that causes a lot of tension between her and Tim, often from him becoming overprotective of her.

Steph starts out fairly cynical in the beginning and softens up over time. After the explosion stunt with Tim, she does get her act together and she goes through a fantastic character arc where she really improves upon herself. She becomes a beacon of hope, but she really already was one. She's always been a source of light for Tim. She's a constant tether for him throughout their relationship, and she constantly bringing him back to reality. I think their dynamic is really great, and it does hurt me a lot how often she gets dragged through the mud now. It's tumblr, what can you do?

It's also interesting to me how often Steph is called out for being the unhealthy one, and they never talk about how Tim was the shitty boyfriend way more often:

Kept his identity from her but didn't respect keeping hers private

Kissed her when he was dating someone else at the time (he's actually kinda known for subtle two-timing, but this is hardly brought up by fans)

Essentially stalked her for a while

Often told her she needed to stop being Spoiler (overprotective nature yes...but still)

Interesting how the relationship is only toxic because of Steph. Hell she even gets shit for getting upset that Greta straight up tried to kill her in Young Justice, because they think it was selfish of her that she was desperate to learn Robin's identity. Yeah sorry...murder vs wanting to know your crushes name? Which is worse?

I'm also not going to sit here and demand that everyone love Steph. It's ok that people don't like her, I could give 2 shits, but if they're gonna spew hate, I'd prefer it be rooted in truth. Some of what I see written about her is just so so wrong...there's a trend in anti culture to even write her as Tim's rapist which YIKES. That's so beyond a healthy amount of dislike for a character.

Anyway, comic recs!!!

Detective Comics 647-648. (First appearance of Steph/Spoiler with classic "love at first brick" moment.)

Robin 57-65 (First date issue which is the cutest thing ever. Robin does a little flip at the end because he's so happy. And the chronology of Steph being pregnant which Tim was supportive of the whole time. Super sweet)

Robin 100-104 (Steph gets sick and Tim brings her soup. Lots of cute domestic moments, and you get more into Steph's past)

Robin 111 (more about Steph's past with Tim being super supportive, also the infamous piano issue which is a personal favorite of mine)

Robin 116 (very cute moments after Tim forgets his bday and everyone, Steph included, surprises him)

Robin 119 (supportive bf Tim, strikes again)

Robin 120 (Steph being an amazing supportive gf)

Batgirl 8 (Steph's run, where she and Tim collide again for the first time in a long time. Awkwardness and tension ensues, Tim tries to make a move)

Red Robin 10 (more crossover, very fun. More awkwardness and tension)

Convergence Batgirl (Not the best run, but a nice bit of closure for the pre flashpoint universe. Very sweet and wholesome.)

There's way more that I could list but I'm awful with issue numbers tbh. I know the stories, but I don't have the catalogue memorized. Better people than me have probably made a masterlist of TimSteph comics lol

I don't think you should let any blog turn you away from any particular series. I think if you wanna try out the new YJ, go for it!! I'm very cynical to anything published post 2011, but YJ is the only thing I've consistently read that's NEW, in years. I find it fun. Is it the best? No, not by miles, and it gets stuck with a lot of nonsensical filler often. But it's still a very cute and fun run.

I hope this ask gave you a lot of good info! I also recommend the very long post that should be just below this that goes into a lot of fandom misconceptions about Stephanie brown with more picture examples to highlight everything. Thanks for the ask, anon! I hope you have a lovely time reading these comics and hopefully many more!!

🖤💜❤😊😊😊❤💜🖤

#TimSteph #stephanie brown #tim drake #robin iii #robin iv #spoiler #batgirl #red robin #dc comics #batfamilly #batfam #personal #ask tbp

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