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harper-collins · 14 days

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[Scarian - Desert Duo] The Love and Hardship of Living - I Hear a Symphony

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death (not really, he's fine, it's just 3rd life) Fandom(s): Hermitcraft SMP, 3rd Life/Double Life Categories: M/M Relationship: Grian / Scar Characters: Grian, Scar, Mumbo mentioned Additional Tags: Timeline of their time together, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Grian is Not Okay, Protective Scar, Cactus Ring, Grian's fishing obsession, this compiles from the beginning of Hermitcraft S6 to Recent Hermitcraft S10, Slow Burn, A lot of this is taken from the canon of slightly fanon moments and slowly degrades into my own writing, I mean its all my own writing and I've rewritten a lot of stuff, but I mean there are canon moments that have been rewritten and fun ideas that I thought were canon or wanted to include in this fic. Summary: Grian always thought something was interesting about Scar. Scar had always liked Grian. Will they ever go through and get to know each other properly? What would happen?

Grian and Scar's relationship from HC S6 through the life series (at least two anyway) and up to HC S10. SONG FIC Warning that this fic is like 11k words.

I used to hear a simple song.

Joining Hermitcraft had been interesting to start, Grian had quietly told himself. Meeting many new people and being near his best friend. He and Mumbo hadn’t been on a server regularly before, so it was a nice change of pace for the feathered individual. Finding new ways to annoy people and getting to know the people around him had been quite fun so far.

Yet, not everyone could be there for the launch of season six. He’d been told they would meet soon, leaving Grian almost anxious. He wasn’t someone who craved the acceptance of others by far. He was usually okay with not knowing others. After all, he didn’t know the majority of the hermits personally. He just knew their faces, so it confused him that he seemed to want the late-comer’s attention so much.

Even when he’d finally joined the server, he was so busy trying to make up for his late arrival that the thought of going over to see a new hermit had utterly escaped his mind, and Grian was far too nervous to see him himself, especially with how stressed he’d sounded over the group chat for the server. Mumbo merely laughed at him and told him to see Mr. Goodtimes, but it didn’t feel that simple.

Maybe he’d meet the other sometime? Perhaps he'd see him at the shopping district and have a pleasant conversation with the other? Probably while he was building his pickle shop? After the thought had occurred to the other, however, he began actively avoiding the shopping district, letting his nerves get the better of him. It wasn’t too late, of course! He just needed to push himself. Why did this seem like such a difficult task?

That was until you came along.

Meeting Scar had been an experience. The other was clumsy, very interesting, and quite loud. It had taken Grian a little bit of time to adjust, but soon enough, he was enjoying the company of the other. They didn’t meet often—the feathery male was sticking close to Mumbo after all—but that didn’t stop the two from meeting occasionally, especially while they were shopping in the shopping district.

When the war came around, they weren’t actively against one another. No, Scar hadn’t joined team STAR; he was ConCorp… So technically, they weren’t against each other… Yet, Grian couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that the male hadn’t joined him in the Prank War. It was silly fun, even if it did look like it was being taken seriously sometimes.

Scar just seemed like this remarkable individual that Grian wanted to know more about, wanted to understand and see on a more regular basis… Yet, he didn’t make any effort. He was too nervous. He didn’t know him! Why would Scar want to get to know him? He was just your crazy feathered pranker. People both tolerated and despised him. It was how he was! Grian couldn’t fathom sometimes why Mumbo still stuck around despite everything.

Still… Something about GoodTimeWithScar seemed captivating…

Now, in its place, is something new.

He felt pretty excited when he realised Scar’s base was close to his starter base at the beginning of season seven. The other was living in what would be a snail, but it wasn’t quite finished yet. Grian could practically feel the excitement coursing through his veins as he set his starter base up, knowing how many pranks he could pull on the other without it looking too weird. They were neighbours, after all.

When he found the zombie spawner near their bases, he knew how to introduce Scar to how it would be this season, with the two being so close. It may have taken hours and lots of lost sleep, but he couldn’t have been prouder for such a pleasing prank when it was finally finished. With the zombies set up to come from the jungle bushes, it would take some time for Scar to find the bubble elevator bringing them up.

Grian watched from the bushes as they began to slowly appear, causing Scar to get attacked by them in the middle of his building. The feathered hermit began to chuckle before quickly putting his hand over his mouth. He wanted to watch Scar figure it out alone, not catch him in the act! It took the other half an hour before he began looking for the source of the zombies, and he knew exactly who was at fault when he found the source.

“Grian!” He called, knowing the other would be near. He couldn’t help but giggle as he finally made his entrance. He tried to act like he’d heard the call from his base, but he knew Scar wouldn’t believe him no matter how much of a show he’d put on. When he arrived, he noticed that the other was quite the mess, his items everywhere from his repeated deaths as he struggled to go against the several zombies that had found themselves chasing Scar.

“Well, well, what’s happened here?” He asked, faking innocence. However, Scar didn’t seem to care for the play he was putting on as he began to get attacked once more. “Kill them, please! Just kill them,” he pleaded, close to death for the third time in the last few minutes. Grian quickly took his sword out and killed the rest of them, letting Scar promptly grab all his items as he huffed in a high-pitched voice, trying to calm himself down from the attack.

Grian began to feel concerned as the other caught his breath. “Are you alright, Scar?” He asked, getting a little closer to the other. The Elf merely looked in his direction with a smile on his face. He was sweating and stressed from the situation but could already see the prank was supposed to be a harmless joke. The avian could already feel the relief pouring through his body as he helped the other calm himself down and grab all of his items before safely storing them away.

After that, the two stayed around one another for a while, with Grian ensuring the other was perfectly fine and that he hadn’t lost any items through the whole debacle. They had settled on Scar’s makeshift couch, which was secretly just a couple of chests tightly packed together with some carpet over them to make it a little comfortable. They were mostly silent as Scar recounted the footage he’d been trying to record.

“You know,” Scar suddenly spoke softly, turning to Grian as he put his communicator in his pocket. “I was expecting something like this, but not quite a zombie spawner!” He joked, smiling at the other. Grian awkwardly laughed back, feeling quite guilty for what he’d done, even if the relief that his friend was all right was still fresh in his mind. “Well, as I said, I’ll make it into an XP farm now that the prank’s over,” he affirmed to the other, nodding as if confirming that this wouldn’t be a problem anymore.

Scar smirked at the other. “Never thought this pretty bird would ever feel sorry for a prank! Brighten up, G! No harm’s been done! I can confirm that all items on my person have been retrieved without them de-spawning,” Scar spoke, his bright and positive attitude practically engulfing Grian as his cheeks reddened. He ignored the little comment and tried to feel glad that no harm had occurred.

“Alright, alright. Just let me know if you need anything. All right?” He asked, observing the other as he stood up, preparing to leave. Scar beamed, looking at him with the happiest expression Grian had seen in a while. “Of course, G! You’re welcome anytime,” he said, waving at the other. The avian smiled back before turning and leaving; they were still on foot.

I hear it when I look at you.

Grian enjoyed making a little bit of war on the server, and despite last time, he thoroughly enjoyed the Mycelium War even more than anything else he’d done before. Maybe it was the fact that there was such a visible difference between the grass and the mycelium, but it didn’t feel like just that, not when Scar, one of his best friends, was on the other side of this silly war.

The two had grown quite close whilst living close to one another, and then the whole Mumbo for Mayor campaign that Grian had started and Scar going for himself had caused quite a bit of commotion on the server. It didn't feel right with the Shopping District going green, not to Grian either way. Yet, having Scar missing in his antics felt a little odd. Yes, he was on the other side of things, but he wouldn’t get his company being on the opposite side.

Even during the mayoral campaign, he went over and regularly hung out with his good friends and did some pranks with and against one another. Now, the only time he saw Scar was when he was working as Mayor at the Shopping District, and the only time he went near the other’s base was when he was stealing doors— No, he meant looking around to embrace its beauty. The enchanted area that the Elf had made sometimes overnight was magnificent, and Grian felt his lungs empty each time he saw it and looked around at the details.

Being Motherspore meant he had even less time for home-base things, though the Mycelium Resistance was also growing in size, and it was taking up most of his time and restocking the barge. In this instance, Grian saw a fellow hermit coming around to buy a few things from his shop. While restocking, he ignored the other’s presence for the moment—not many hermits tended to interact much while they saw him adding more things to the barge.

Only when he heard someone clear their throat behind him did he turn to look towards the individual, who turned out to be Mr GoodTimeWithScar. He forgot to breathe as he took in the Mayor, and his outfit paired with his sly smirk. He could see the other was trying to speak to him. His mouth was moving, but after not seeing Scar for two weeks, the sudden appearance just short-circuited his brain.

When he realized he’d been looking without talking for too long, he briefly noticed Scar’s face turned from excitement to concern. Grian wanted out of the situation quickly after having messed up like that. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get away that easily, no matter how hard he tried.

“G? Are you alright?” he asked, stepping back from the other. The smaller felt himself breathe shakily after stopping himself for quite a while. “Y-yeah, I’m fine! I should probably get going, Resistance stuff and all—” he mumbled, diverting his eyes from the green eyes that were staring back at him. He tried to move away, completely forgetting about his current task at the barge, when Scar grabbed his arm softly.

“I didn’t want you to just walk away, G; we haven’t seen each other for a while! I just wanted to know if we could come to an agreement. You know, finally decide that grass is better—”

“Scar, Mycelium has always been here. It lives here, Grass doesn’t—”

“But Grass is so much better!” he whined, returning to the groove of their playful arguments. Grian couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the statement. “No, Scar, until you submit to the mycelium resistance, I won’t be stopping,” he snarked back, his tone colder than it had meant. Scar let go of the other, more to the pure shock of how aggressive the other seemingly was.

“I’m sorry— I didn’t mean—”

“It’s alright, G. Is it getting a bit intense for you?” he asked, frowning at the other. We could call it off or take a break! We aren’t being serious after all—” Scar stopped, sighing. Watching his friend was making him feel a little uncomfortable. He looked spooked and apologetic, emotions that didn’t look right on the avian’s features.

“No, it’s fine. I'm just sorry for snapping at you,” he mumbled, looking back at the open shulker box filled with sand to put on the shelves. “You don’t have to apologise, as long as you’re doing alright, that’s what matters,” the other replied, smiling at Grian. He couldn’t help but smile back at his good friend. He awkwardly shuffled back to the shulker box in question and began getting more sand out of the box.

“How are you doing anyway? Is everything alright with you?” he asked, glancing briefly at Scar, who was observing him. “Oh, I’m fine! Just so many mayor things to do! Who knew that there was so much to do? Sometimes I do think Mumbo would’ve been better at this than me,” he grinned, trying to appeal to the other’s previous campaign that had unfortunately lost.

“Nah, despite what’s going on at the moment, I do think you’ve done brilliantly being a Mayor Scar; I’m glad you won,” he said, smiling at the other. Scar’s smile and heart softened at his friend's admission, and he laughed a little. “Oh, well, that’s very nice of you, G! Whenever I see Mumbo, I’ll bet to tell him that myself,” he said, giggling a little more.

Grian just shrugged as he watched Scar, studying his friend’s beautiful—err, lovely-looking face with its mayor additions. “I’m sure he won’t mind; I’m the one who set it up in the first place!” he replied, giving the other a grin, too. It felt good to talk to him again, even if they were still on opposing sides. Something about Scar set his heart going a million miles a minute.

He was perfect.

With simple songs, I wanted more.

A new series of sorts was upon them, and Scar couldn’t be more excited. He was nervous; it was tough, with only three lives before you were out. Still, he was determined to make it through as long as possible, sticking close to his friends. He just hadn’t teamed with anyone in particular yet. They were all sticking close together, especially since it was a new experience. Hardcore was a thing, just not on the Hermitcraft server, nor on the other servers other old friends seemed to be in before they’d been moved here.

It had all happened so suddenly, with Grian barely warning them out of nowhere before they’d been brought over. He hadn’t given context on how he knew either, making the other extremely suspicious. He’d also left alone but returned now that they were all around a small village. It was relatively light and the whole group was in a circle, par from Grian. He’d been dipping around the village occasionally but not genuinely paying attention to any conversation.

Scar noticed that the avian was moving to his left, coming in and out of his view before he heard a slight sizzling noise behind him. Before he could realise what was about to happen, he’d already died, leaving him in his yellow life. He respawned in one of the village beds and started breathing heavily, his heart beating far too fast for the death that had just occurred. There was a commotion outside, but he felt more hurt; everything had happened so fast, and he didn’t feel like trying to speak to the smaller one that had just killed him.

When he finally managed to get out of bed, he saw tons of people staring at the creeper hole, some shouting at Grian. He looked panicked, the moment that the messy blonde’s eyes latched onto his own, he moved away from everyone in favour of going towards him with one of the more guiltiest looks Scar had ever seen on his best friend.

“I am SO sorry Scar, I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I genuinely didn’t think it would kill you,” he said apologetically, the others quietening down at such an offer. Some were still arguing, but hearing someone make such a sincere and deadly offer during a death game… Well, Grian had balls, that’s for sure. Scar didn’t know how to feel. A part of him wanted Grian to throw himself off a cliff just so they were both yellow lives, but that was a tiny part of him.

The other, the entrepreneur, saw potential, deviousness, and a best friend willing to make amends. Scar thought about it whilst the others watched them in silence. “I’ll give my life,” Grian quietly murmured, just so the two of them could hear. This was beginning to get interesting. “Oh?” Scar replied, urging the other to go on and try to give the offer to its fullest. He wanted to know.

“My entire green life, I’ll follow you, do what you ask; it’s all I can do to repay you unless you have another idea,” Grian said, his voice confident now, although it had soured at the end. Some of the players behind them gasped whilst Scar raised his eyebrows. “Deal,” he said, putting his hand out. Grian took it and shook quietly, the two staring at one another quietly.

From there, it didn’t take the two of them much longer to leave the small band in the village in favour of finding their land to live in. They’d taken the Llama there and began wandering around the small perimeter they would temporarily call home outside Hermitcraft. They would do it together, as best friends.

“TRAITOR!!” The scream rang high in his ears as he felt the sword plunge into his side. Bdubs had just been killed, and Grian was angry. Why wouldn’t he be angry? He’d been betrayed, betrayed by Scar. “Traitor Scar!” he shouted again to emphasize his point, but he was quieter this time. He was getting ready to swing again in the water but feeling more hesitant now that it was just the two of them together. Alone in the world, with everyone dead.

Scar watched his partner’s facial expression, one of hesitance but hurt, one that he’d made. Scar watched Grian quietly for a moment, taking him in. He’d been so helpful and loving this entire season. Sure, he may have gotten in the way of some deals he’d made with other people, but he’d helped Scar the whole way, keeping him alive despite his first death being at his hands. Scar loved how they’d gotten so close during this death game, and although he didn’t want it to end, he knew he’d already gone too far, been too bloodthirsty, just like the male was in front of him now.

“You can kill me,” he said, his voice set and firm. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out, but every word was accurate. If he had to die in this death game, he wanted it to be by the man he’d gotten the closest to, the person whom he’d shared everything with, including the bed on some nights when it had been too cold for both of them to be separate.

“What? No,” Grian replied, confused. What was he thinking? Didn’t he just want to kill him just moments ago? Maybe it had been the willingness to give his life for the other that had stopped his thirst for blood so quickly… Scar couldn’t be sure. “For everything you did to me to keep me alive this long… You may slay me and take the enchanter,” he said, bowing his head down and crouching in front of Grian in the water.

It was uncomfortable. Everything was wet. There was something everywhere, whether it was Bdubs’ blood, his own or the water. It felt disgusting, and it didn’t feel right at all to get so deep in the water, to submit to the one who’d been submitting to him for so long, but there was one big part of Scar that felt so loved that trusted Grian more than he could have ever trusted anyone. It was finally time for Grian to take back his independence.

“No, I can’t,” Grian replied, his heart breaking as he stepped back, going deeper into the waters. “No, I literally can’t, I can’t do it,” he continued, bringing Scar his head up as he watched Grian. He looked as though he was grieving for Scar despite him standing right in front of him. He’d been so close to killing the other in anger. Why was this so different? Scar would never think badly for Grian killing him, especially after all they’d been through together.

The two got out of the water, trying to rid themselves of what they could that was wet beyond belief; this was the end anyway; they didn’t need everything on their person. Grian moved away for a moment, going completely silent. Scar left him to his own devices, thinking the other wanted some space after a terrible amount of bloodshed all around the server.

He sighed, turning back to Scar. “No, these spectators want a fight,” he murmured, glancing nervously at Scar. The brunette-haired male didn’t know what the other was talking about, but he took it in stride as if he knew fully what the other meant. “No, no, no, no, we got this! We have a friendship, don’t let them break—”

“They want blood, they want blood,” Grian replied, his voice scared and nervous.

Scar sighed, sorting out his tools as he used the crafting table as a desk. “Okay, can we at least do the duel if we have to at Pizza’s grave?” He asked, keeping his eyes away from Grian. The other was being pushy over what these spectators wanted, even after they declared they wouldn’t hurt one another; it was getting unnerving.

“All right, let’s get—”

“Get in the boat!” Scar barked, getting tense. The other got in quickly.

“Alright, this is the last bro moment we have—why are we in a boat in a pond?!” he shouted, feeling bamboozled by his best friend. Scar glanced over at him with a quizzical expression, not having figured it out just yet. “What?” He replied.

“Step into the ring,” he boomed, having just put the new cactus next to Pizza’s grave. It was a ring. Most of the cacti only had one instead of the typical three as they’d just been put down, but as long as they didn’t jump around, it would be plenty to keep them in a boxing ring-like situation. He’d already gotten rid of everything apart from the last bit of cacti; he was only waiting on Grian, who confirmed to Scar he was getting rid of everything as he emptied the rest of his pockets.

Grian stepped in, getting to the other side of the ring, and the two stared at each other for a long moment as Scar sealed them in, quietly watching one another with bated breath. They gave one another a moment before they went in… Grian spoke first.

“Scar… I don’t feel good about this,” he admitted, staring the other down. Scar nodded, feeling a little nervous about this entire ordeal himself. The ‘spectators’ had ordered them to sheath their armour and use their fists against one another, which was bound to leave one another bloody, no matter who won. It made the hairs on Scar’s back stand up just at the thought of something so degrading.

“No matter what happens, we can call this a double victory, right?” He said softly, keeping still as he watched Scar fiddle around a little with his fingers. The brunette nodded vigorously, moving around in his little area. “Yes! We’re good, we’re good,” he confirmed, trying to inwardly hype himself up for something he didn’t want to do. He didn’t want to hurt Grian; it was why he had allowed himself to be killed by Grian in the water; he’d waited for the other to use his sword and cut him down…

Did they have to do this?

“Let’s let the ghosts count us in then,” Grian replied, moving around as he prepared for the fight. Scar had no idea who the ghosts were, probably the ghosts of his past friends, the ones who’d been slain, whom he’d killed. He couldn’t hear them, though, giving Grian a slight edge. Scar remembered to close the ring as he turned around, ignoring the inward counting the other was doing.

When he realised what was happening, the other was urging him to begin, approaching him at a terrifying pace. From there, it was a mess; punches were thrown left and right, up and down, with some thrown with a jump to add more weight. Scar’s head, sides, stomach and body hurt, but a small part of him couldn’t be happier. He inwardly wanted Grian to win the game, he’d been so good after all, so loyal. He couldn’t have asked for anyone else to kill him and pledge their life for him on their first day.

Scar was throwing punches, too, but they weren’t as strong, and he kept getting stuck by the cacti. He watched Grian’s expression. He was remorseful, he was hurting, and he didn’t want to do this, but there were no other options; they both knew that… Even if Scar didn’t quite understand why. They gradually and somehow moved out of the ring, moving towards Pizza’s grave; he was close to death now; he could feel it. He hadn’t been punching or hurting the other enough to have him anywhere close to death.

“I’m so sorry,” Scar blurted, his heavy breathing making the statement gaspy. There were so many other emotions, so much hurt, pain, love, and trust filling his heart, soul, and body, but there wasn’t enough time, not when the punches kept coming, and he kept trying to throw them. “I’m sorry too,” Grian blurted back, far less breathless than Scar himself. He had a sad expression covering his face, but the brunette couldn’t help but feel it was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.

He repeated his apologies as they got closer and closer to Pizza’s grave until suddenly, nothing was beneath his feet. As he began to panic, he shouted, “No!” Out before he felt the final punch from his best friend, killing him in midair before he could hit the floor. It went dark, and the moment was over. His burning passion ceased, and his body replenished as he was sent home.

Yet, no matter how far Scar would get from the moment, away from the Cactus Ring, he knew secretly, he’d never, ever leave it.

Perfection is so quick to bore.

“Get away, Scar, get away from me,” he shouted angrily at the other, shaking from the pain and anguish he’d experienced less than an hour ago. Scar stood his ground, refusing to leave, but he didn’t come closer to granting his wishes. “We said, didn’t we? It was a double victory. We did it, Grian—” he told the other, trying to comfort him.

“No, no, you don’t get it! I used my fists against you, killed you in cold blood… You didn’t even try!” he shouted back at the brunette. Scar felt a little taken aback by Grian’s attitude but understood. He was seeing it in his mind. He was seeing the pain. It might’ve been different for Scar, whose memory had faded from death to Hermitcraft, but for Grian, it had been all too much.

“It’s okay! G, no matter what, I forgive you, okay? You had to do it. Those spectator ma jigs told you to, didn’t they?” He assured, taking a step closer. Grian was tearing up, and my god, Scar just wanted to hold him close and keep him tight until the other was okay. He knew the mental scars would be there for far too long, maybe never leave… But he wanted to take care of the other and assure him he was okay.

“But I still—” He broke himself off, trying to hold in a sob as he desperately tried to curl in on himself, his feathers puffing up as he tried to hide. Scar ran over, taking Grian in his arms and hugging him tightly, quietly whispering comforting words. The dirty blonde was quick to latch on, sobbing into his shoulder as the two quietly digested the obscenities the other server had brought them.

How close they were to one another, but how hurt they’d been from such an experience. Scar doubted they’d be the same again.

You are more beautiful by far.

“Scar?” Grian shouted, nearing the Swaggon with speed. Scar quickly whisked himself to the door and opened it, seeing the dirty blonde at the door. He was so irrevocably different this season. They’d only been together a handful of times since they’d moved into Boatem with everyone, but Scar felt he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the avian every time.

His face was so full of colour, his emotions full of energy and positivity, his wings so beautiful and delicate. It caught the other off-guard every time, but he tried to take it in his stride. After all, he couldn’t just admit to the other he liked him. Once he realised that the other was waving his hand in front of his face, he couldn’t help but blush as he finally paid attention.

“Earth to Scar! God, what’s gotten into you lately?” He asked, laughing a little as he smiled at the terraformer. “Sorry, G! Miles away,” he laughed awkwardly as he let the other in. Grian walked into his home and began to look around, almost like a child curiously going on a new walk and wanting to look at every nook and cranny around.

“It’s fine, Scar. I want to make sure you’re alright… I love your build; it’s so beautiful…” he muttered, admiring the interior despite its work-in-progress. Beautiful like you… Scar found himself thinking. With a smile, he quickly shook his head and joined Grian on his adventure through the Swaggon.

“I’m glad you like it. It's a shame it’s not closer to you!” He replied, snickering and giving a classical grin to the avian. Grian could only huff and turn away at the comment. “It’s not like I can walk to your base without going through a portal or using my wings…” He began listing, making it sound a little ridiculous that the brunette still didn’t find it close enough.

Scar huffed, crossing his arms. “Well, if you think it’s that easy, maybe I should move away!” He replied, shaking his head for effect. Grian could only giggle as he turned back to look at his friend. “Don’t be silly, Scar; I like having you close! Anyway, you can’t leave Boatem now; we’re a team; we will all be working together, staying close,” he explained, watching the other’s expression closely.

Sounds like a dream… “As long as you don’t blow anything up, it’ll be fine,” he chuckled, going into a shulker box nearby to look for food. Do you want any tea, pies, or cookies?” he asked, trying to be polite. “Oh, I’m fine. I just wanted to check up on the build and you, but you seem to be doing just fine,” he replied with a grin.

Realistically, Scar knew the other had just come over to procrastinate on something he had to do on his build. However, having a smaller base to make this season (as the other had proclaimed) should help alleviate just how much procrastination he was due to do this season. He was looking forward to it. He ignored his brain’s inward monologue in favour of staring at Grian’s pretty face—or something like that.

“Alright, well, you know you’re always welcome here, G!” he replied, grinning at the other. Grian only smiled back at the other, enjoying his company a little more before he had to leave.

Our flaws are who we really are.

“Annnd finally! We got it in Grian! After all that time, the creeper is finally in,” Scar cheered, pleased that after so long, they’d finally been able to do it, finally been able to sort out the creeper and put it in Grian’s menagerie. “Thank goodness, I was beginning to think it would take all day,” he sighed appreciatively, getting close to the glass cage. It was surprising that a layer this thin would stop a creeper from blowing up someone, but he was glad for it nonetheless.

Then Grian remembered something. “Oh, Scar, did we name it?” He asked, turning to the brunette in question. He laughed nervously before looking at his inventory, clearly seeing the name tag. He was silent for a long moment, enough for Grian to know exactly what his friend had done. “Scar! We’ll need to break into that and put it on now,” he whined, looking nervous.

The brunette turned to look at his friend, who seemed quite nervous. They’d already blown a charged creeper or two, so getting another in a building named to ensure it didn’t despawn was going to be a task… But it was ultimately Scar’s fault. It was his business, and he had to ensure everything was right with the other’s order, even if he wouldn’t do this for anyone else.

“I’ll do it, not to worry!” He said, grabbing the name tag and getting close to the glass to open it up. “Oh hey hey, dude, is it such a smart idea? I don’t mind doing it—” Grian tried to protest, foreseeing what Scar was about to do, but it was far too late because by the time the dirty blonde was cutting himself off, Scar had already opened the glass and he was trying to get the creeper to come closer for the name tag.

“Come here, Boo… That’s it…” He quietly baby-spoke to the creeper. As soon as it was close enough, he name-tagged the creeper and celebrated, but it was too late. Instead of closing the small window, the celebration gave ‘Boo’ enough time to blow up, destroying the bottom floor of the menagerie and Scar along with it.

He woke with a start at the bed not too far from the disaster, and he heard Grian panic as he went over to see the collateral damage to his little shop. Scar felt his stomach churn. He’d been so sure he could fix the issue for him. Now he needed to fix the shop before they could get another creeper… He’d have to make this right, somehow.

Scar had been away from the Swaggon for a few days to gather resources. This wasn’t unusual by far; it helped him calm down and relax occasionally, especially if things back at the base were getting too much for the hermit. He was not expecting the mess that would be there when he returned.

When Scar closed the door and went up a level, he quickly realised he couldn’t go further into the Swaggon. He frowned, using his elytra, which were still strapped onto his back, to get up and inspect the damage. It wasn’t anything significant; a minor fix would have sorted the issue out just fine, but the ladder was broken and one of the more essential parts of the whole Swaggon.

When he came to inspect the area, he noticed a little note had been left via a sign in the middle of the area, which he quickly saw was one from Grian. Scar had trouble reading the sign; he tended to struggle to read many things, but this was more due to the context of the words than the words themselves.

“Creepers can climb ladders?” He asked himself quietly, shaking his head. Well, at least he knew Grian had been looking for him, even if it was only because of the mess left behind. “Better go and check on G later… He’d probably be quite nervous,” Scar muttered further to himself, taking the sign down as he pondered on what used to be there and what he could do to fix the small hole that a creeper had made.

It took Scar twenty minutes at most to fix the little issue before things were back to normal, and he could continue as he was before. He would have to check on Grian later, though. He strangely got scared or nervous when issues with Scar happened. He knew about third life… Scar mentally shuddered at the reminder, but he’d always done it, even before the death game they’d had.

Scar began to unload his items from his trip, trying to shrug it off as a friend being concerned for another friend. There was no point in overthinking now.

I used to hear a simple song.

It was always Scar. For some reason, the Watchers always wanted him and Scar to be paired. At least, it seemed that way. Even though he’d screamed when he’d found out he and Scar were soulmates, the rush of panic had been all that had pushed him. He was just thankful that the other had no idea. He’d been able to finally come to terms with his emotions by the time it was necessary for Scar to figure it out, and the other had been thrilled for the most part.

He’d been more preoccupied by the Jelly Panda’s, but the other had been delighted when he’d found out. He’d said, “If we are the final two again, we won’t have to kill each other!” And other such lines, but the past was all he could think about. It was fine being with Scar on Hermitcraft; it wasn’t as though anything was indeed on the line, but it felt like making bonds on the life series made things all the more realistic in a hurtful way.

The day he’d beaten Scar in the Cactus Ring was when he lost a part of himself and never wanted to do it again. Scar was far too precious. He should never be put anywhere near death. So that is what he’d do this season, just as he’d done before. Ensure they stay alive and avoid getting close to Scar.

It worked at first. Scar would get confused about their time in separate beds on cold nights. Other times, he'd push him away when Scar wanted to do something that Grian would consider intimate or close. However, whenever he was in danger, he’d step in to avoid the other getting hurt, to the point that Scar had barely touched a sword during the season.

Then he began to see BigB. At first, he makes a silly joke to try to take the edge off of constantly being on guard and cautious around Scar and their relationship. It escalated far too quickly, however, as he began to go there more often to take the edge off of his anxiety. It got to the point that he knew Scar was suspicious, but he didn’t want to admit weakness to his soulmate.

He knew he’d have to face his actions at some point. He just hadn’t realised it would be so soon. After a few hours of ‘disappearing’, he returned to see BigB and Scar waiting at the entrance. He looked unhappy and a little distressed. It raised his anxiety right back to where it had been before he’d even left, making the past few hours almost meaningless.

“Where have you been, G? I thought you said you’d go see the ranchers, but I went over to check up on them, and they said they hadn’t seen you all day! You can’t be lying to me, G… We’re soulmates…” He said, his voice breaking a little as he watched him with a hurt expression. Grian turned away, disliking the look on his face. It broke his heart to see him so upset. Yet, he knew it was all his fault.

“I-I’m sorry,” He stammered, avoiding eye contact as he began to play with a bit of his red jumper. Scar was just too precious. He couldn’t get hurt. He couldn’t know… He had to get out of this… Somehow. “Don’t you dare; I know that look from anywhere, G, and I don’t want to hear lies,” Scar spat, taking a step closer, a step too close in Grian’s opinion.

He felt the other breathing against his hair before a rough hand clutched his jaw and gently brought the other’s head up so the two could look one another in their eyes. They were close, closer than Grian had ever remembered them. Suddenly, he felt his body hot, his cheeks lighting up with red as he watched Scar’s upset and tightly constricted face watch him. He was trying to decipher what was happening in the other’s mind, but it was only filled with Scar.

He momentarily forgot to breathe, but the other had used his soft words to keep him taking slow, deep breaths. He must’ve thought Grian was having a panic attack to react so gently with him. The dirty blonde tried to look away, but Scar’s hand was firm and unwilling to move. He was trapped, stuck in a consequence of his actions. Of course, he should’ve seen this coming; he had, in a way… Just not in such a close situation.

“I’m sorry,” he quietly repeated, staring into Scar’s eyes and seeing sorrow staring back at him. Scar didn’t try to reply to him this time. The male had set out the rules of this conversation, and he held his thoughts, unable to make words of them. How could he tell Scar about his insecurities? His worries, him going off to see BigB to alleviate the stress in the only way he’d learnt how: running away from his problems.

The silence between them left Grian awkwardly, trying to fill it with something. He just didn’t want to admit it just yet. “I-I just, it’s difficult, okay? That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you because I do—” he cut himself off, groaning at his stupidity as he watched Scar’s eyebrow quirk in amusement. Of course, of course, Scar would find this amusing. It wasn’t as if he was still holding Grian’s face, and they were mere centimetres apart. Of course, that wouldn’t be mind-melting to the other male.

“I’ve been going over to see BigB, just to relax over with him, nothing else,” he blurted, avoiding the other’s eyes as much as possible. The two were silent for a long moment, with Scar’s breath hitting the entire him before he finally sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want you to see your friends, but why would you hide it from me, G?” he quietly complained, trying to keep the whine out of his tone. It worked, mostly.

“I would rather not hurt you, that’s all,” Grian finalised, shaking his way out of the other’s grip. The brunette didn’t try to get close again; he looked genuinely hurt by the other’s behaviour. “Has this all been about—”

“Don’t mention it,” Grian stated coldly, turning away from the other, and Scar knew he’d hit the bullseye. He quietly moved to stand next to the avian, not quite looking at him and not making the other stare at him either. The best of both worlds from Scar’s perspective. It had comforted Grian a little, too; not having to look the other in the eye made things a lot easier on himself.

“We’re together this time; it’s either us or nothing,” Scar quietly spoke, glancing at the other nervously. He flinched but tried not to make a big deal, although the brunette had seemed to notice somewhat. “We might not even make it to the end. G, will you throw this because you’re scared of a repeat?” Scar asked, his face clearly showing a look of disappointment. A feeling of guilt began to bubble up in the other’s chest, but he wouldn’t let it slide.

“You’re far too precious, Scar; I’m not letting you get hurt just because we decided to get close again. I hurt you last time, and I don’t want to repeat that same mistake,” he snapped, avoiding the other’s eye contact. Scar laughed a little at the irony of what the other had said. “ Hurting me? Grian, you’re already doing that by staying away from me! We do things as a team. That’s what this season is supposed to be about… You actively pushing me away is only hurting the both of us,” Scar pleaded, feeling upset as he watched the other’s face morph into one of guilt.

“I…” Grian tried at that moment to find a way out of the situation, an excuse to tell that would further go with the idea that he’d been subjecting himself throughout the entire season…

But it was empty. His brain was empty of ideas.

That’s what broke the dam. As he began to tear up, Scar took notice almost instantly and moved to comfort the other, bringing him in a hug. Grian latched onto him with an urgent need as the waterworks properly began, and he continued to sob loudly into Scar’s shirt. The only change that bringing Scar close made was that his sobs were muffled, and he had someone else to lean on.

He’d been hopelessly lying to himself this entire time, wishing that there was some way to avoid the same pain and hurt that he’d previously been subjected to. Maybe, if he listened to his partner, the rest of this series would be enjoyable. All he had to do was let go.

That was until you came along.

Grian was majestic to Scar. The way he flew made trouble for many people around him, and the way he built was so beautiful. He almost wanted to live there, be by his side, and love—errr. Maybe his thoughts were getting away with him a little there. The point was that Scar adored Grian, and seeing him in such pain felt inhumane.

Mumbo had left to go on holiday, which initially felt like a bit of a hiatus but now felt a little more permanent than many people on the server, especially Grian, liked to admit. Their moustached friend had given him special permission to do what he wanted with the vault and its contents (however minor they were). Still, it was obvious to Scar that Grian would never be capable of doing such a thing, especially with how much he treasured its small contents.

The whole area was almost biblical to the other, even where a new version of Grumbot was somewhat under Mumbo’s base, away from his builds on the ground. Watching the other constantly pour over the cave, the rift, and the machinery almost made Scar feel sick. It was a sad obsession, and he knew the other wouldn’t normally do anything like this.

More often than not, the scarred male found himself dragging Grian out there for some self-care while avoiding making any progress on his base. It was one of the places that Scar had become most accustomed to during this season, and it was also starting to become concerning. He also left his wings on more often than not these days. Grian may have the natural wings of an avian, but his Elytra was not made for 24/7 usage.

Scar’s efforts were appreciated. However, Grian had made that very clear, especially with how he had previously been quite combative with coming out of the dreary cave, where now he would follow the other’s directions rather than fight. The other would sometimes even follow Scar throughout Scarland for more company. It partially felt like he was babysitting the other, but he didn’t mind.

He wouldn’t ever say that he enjoyed the other being clingy, even if it was a little evident. Grian may not have picked up on it yet, but clearly, the others had. He’d been teased quite a bit about how he’d take care of the other, including being teased that the two were together in a relationship, but he’d only deny them and never mention any of it to his already hurting friend.

He continued to explain why he shouldn’t tell the other when he got a ping from his communicator. It briefly took him out of his element, and he realized he’d been outwardly ranting to a piece of Scarland he’d been making. He shuffled to bring it out and sat down to read everything. There was no doubt that he’d missed a few pieces of conversation.

He quickly read through the main chat from all the hermits, but nothing was too attractive for him before he realised he’d been whispered by no one other than Grian himself. ‘Can I come over? Movie night, maybe?’ he asked, raising Scar’s eyebrows. He knew what suggesting a movie night would become, which only concerned him. Grian never brought up those fearing Star Wars talk, but it seemed they were a little more interested today.

He shrugged, telling himself he’d mentally check on Grian when he arrived. ‘Sure! When are you thinking?’ he quickly replied, ignoring the further message the dirty blonde had sent to ask Scar whether he was awake. He got a very quick reply, which indicated to the other that he’d been waiting for Scar to reply and watching the conversation.

‘I’ll be coming over now. If you’re busy, I don’t mind just watching you for a little,’ he explained over messages. Scar shut the communicator off quickly, knowing there would be no point in replying when the other was already coming over. He was in a part of the park that was a little more difficult to find than being out in the open. This meant that although Scar had heard him enter the park, Grian wouldn’t see him for several minutes.

The brunette took the opportunity to finish his build a little early, complete the small part he’d been working on, and move swiftly into Grian’s vision, where the avian came up to him reasonably quickly.

“Scar! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” he whined, speeding into the other’s personal space. The other only laughed as he watched Grian with an adoring look. " I just had to finish something; you are doing okay, G?” he asked, inspecting his friend with too much precision. Maybe he’d just gotten good at doing it so recently, but it was almost scary how he could pick up the small details of Grian’s well-being from his looks.

In all fairness to him, it looked as though he’d showered not long after messaging him. His hair was mostly dry now, but there were still little bits that were damp in his hair, which was nice to know. The other took care of himself minimally to the point Scar had once had to drag him into the bathroom and lock the door until the other had showered and dressed himself in new clothing that wasn’t his dirty ones.

It had been unpleasant for all involved, but they’d made the most of it. Returning to the present, he noticed that the other smelled like a mixture of fresh scents, and his wings were pretty much preened. The brunette was pleased to see the other in such good condition without his help. His smile got a little wider than before when he listened to him.

“Yeah, feeling a little better today, but I just wanted to see if I could treat Mr Goodtimes to a movie night of his choice! You’ve been doing so much for me lately that I thought you’d enjoy doing what you want a little more,” he replied shyly, giving him a big smile. Scar beamed at the other, feeling extremely pleased with the other’s thoughtfulness.

This may not be quite the turning point that Scar would hope that lasts long-term, but it was something that the other would cherish for a long, long time.

You took my broken melody.

“So I was wondering,” Grian warily started, watching the other as he went through the training course he’d made in Scarland. “Hmm?” The other replied, trying to concentrate as he kept hitting the targets. “I was wondering if Hotguy had a sidekick,” he blurted, looking away from the other. The question made Scar turn around and stop, staring at him with an empty expression as he processed the words.

“You’re asking if I have a sidekick?” he asked to confirm, looking a little confused with the other. Grian nodded a little, shifting uncomfortably with the other’s eyes on him. “…I don’t. Why do you ask?” he questioned, looking suspicious. Grian felt a little self-conscious as he had the other’s eyes on him.

He promised himself it would be fine; he’d spent a lot of time practising and making his outfit… All he needed to do was tell the other. “I was just wondering if that position was available?” he asked, keenly aware of Scar staring at him with a look of curiosity and pure joy. “Yes! Yes!! Oh my god, G! That sounds wonderful!… You’re talking about yourself, right?” He asked, realising he’d assumed without questioning the other.

Grian chuckled a little to play off his nerves whilst he nodded. “Yup, advocating for myself,” he warily replied, his hands itching to place down the shulker box with his outfit. “Oooh, ooh! What’s your name going to be?” He asked, using his Elytra to float down and stand beside Grian. The dirty blonde smirked, pleased that he seemed to be so excited.

“Well, since you’re Hotguy, I thought I’d be Cuteguy! Y’know, because I’m so cute?” He suggested, faking an excited grin to the other as he felt the anxiety create a pit in his stomach. Scar whistled, winking at him. “That is a perfect name Grian, I wholly agree, you are such a cutie that it feels like it’s the only name that fits,” he replied quickly, as if he’d been preparing the line for years.

The words made Grian blush a little. He turned away a little to try and avoid Scar seeing him light up like a Christmas tree. “W-well, I’ll be needing an outfit for this—” he tried, trying to prevent the redness of his cheeks as a topic of conversation. Yet, the suggested topic had only made Scar gasp as he excitedly began to think of ideas.

“Oh, I’ll make one for you right now, Grian! Oh how cute you’ll be in the outfit I’ll make you, oh we can do so much super stuff together! Hotguy-ing and Cuteguy-ing anyone we see! We’ll be an amazing duo,” He began to chatter, not allowing Grian time to speak as he moved towards one of the back areas of Scarland to make an outfit.

The other shook his head fondly. He may have an outfit, but perhaps Scar’s would be made more out of love and far more worth his time. Before he followed the other, he took out the shulker box and took out the black outfit, mixed with red and orange lines. It looked a little similar to Hotguy’s outfit, but he shook his head, binning it in some fire before closing the shulker box, taking it, and putting it back in his inventory.

He shortly followed after Scar, wondering what kind of ideas he had for his first proper outfit.

And now I hear a symphony.

It was… Concerning, to say the least. To say Scar wasn’t worried for his friend would be an understatement. The whole shebang to do with Mumbo had grown to extreme levels, so Scar had stopped seeing the other as much. Even though there had been good moments, such as everything with Cuteguy (which did still happen on occasion, just not nearly as much as Scar liked), there were still bad moments, this being one of those moments.

Grian had been hanging around him less overall recently. Usually, they’d have movie nights, or the other would follow him to avoid working on his base, but now it was as if he’d disappeared. He knew that sometimes he didn’t leave his abode, but it was growing more than concerning now.

Scar decided to go see him. The other wasn’t replying to his messages on the communicator, so he had to stage an intervention in person. It was the only way around it. He brought his Elytra back on and moved toward Grian’s home. Thankfully, it wasn’t too far away, but there was a reasonable distance.

Once he got to the front, he immediately noticed that the door was open and that the house was empty, at least in the area visible from the door. Scar hesitantly went into the house and looked around; he saw nothing. There was no sign of Grian being there, at least in the last few hours. It made Scar nervous, but he knew he’d find the other.

After checking the house, he checked the rest of the base, including the storage area, the small farms, and even Mumbo’s base. He discovered only one place he hadn’t checked: the hole where Grumbot lived. Hesitantly, he went inside and briefly looked at the closed rift before turning around and checking the rest of the area.

He almost left before finding a small crevice he’d never realised existed. He moved past the rock around and found a small, dimly lit room. The dirty blonde was there, around a circle of candles and under a drawing… What that Mumbo’s face? He quietly sneaked in to not alert the other; he noticed the other sniffling, and his heart quietly broke.

“Grian?” he quietly asked, looking at the other with heavy concern. The avian swiftly turned to look at Scar, his face tight and wet with tears. His cheeks were red, and his eyes were puffy. He looked like a mess, his hands covered with a black substance, probably the chalk he’d used for the floor of the small area and its Mumbo Summoning circle.

“S-scar?” He whispered, his voice breaking as he stared at the other in shock. The other nodded, trying to stay quiet in case that set the other off. It seemed that Grian stood up shakily without much thought, his legs not supporting him as much as they should’ve as he ran towards Scar, hugging him tightly. Scar clutched and held him close, giving Grian the exact thing he needed: compassion and comfort.

It took Grian a while to calm down after that. From all the crying and struggling to breathe as he desperately tried to calm down as Scar told him it was okay to cry, it took at least half an hour to have Grian back on the floor, sitting next to Scar as they stared at the Mumbo summoning circle that Grian had made when he was desperate.

When he’d stopped clinging, Scar had got them both to retreat for the floor in the worry that Grian would’ve toppled over at the slightest movement; he seemed strangely weak. Now that things had calmed down, however, Grian was silent, avoiding any semblance of a conversation.

“I’m glad I caught you. I was worried about you… I’m not sure what you were doing, but it seemed like you needed the hug,” Scar mumbled, trying to talk to the other but seemingly talking to himself as Grian mostly spaced out next to him. It was unnerving, but he understood it was the other’s way of comprehending the events and what had happened.

“Why… Why do you look after me, Scar?” the dirty blonde asked, looking miserably up to him. The other hesitated; he didn’t want to admit his true feelings to the other. As well as being friends, he loved the other; that was why he cared about Grian so much. He was just so beautiful, so funny, idiotic, and explosive… But Scar loved every part of it.

“You’re my best friend,” Scar simply replied. It wasn’t quite a lie, but it wasn’t the truth. It comforted the brunette a little that he’d said some semblance of reality. Grian didn’t look as if he’d believed it, though. “No, come on, that excuse wore out the moment you let me sleep in your bed three times in one week; we both know that’s not the only reason you’ve stayed. Do you think you’ll get something from keeping me around? Did Mumbo ask you to make sure I didn’t hur—”

“He did not ask such a thing, and honestly, I’m a bit hurt that you seem to think that,” Scar interrupted, looking like a hurt animal with a slightly blanched face. Grian threw his arms up in frustration. “Well, what is it then? Because I sure as hell have no clue,” he scathingly replied, crossing his arms. Scar gulped, looking away as his cheeks began to redden. He supposed he’d have to say it.

Well, Scar inwardly reasoned, he didn’t have to. He could keep trying to fool the other into thinking that he just wanted the other to be okay and that they were best friends. Although it was true, it didn’t feel right to have that as the simple excuse for his behaviour. He gulped. For it all to end at this moment felt odd, but he knew it was better to do it now or never.

“I love you… I don’t mean in the way of ‘oh, you’re my friend, and I love you and wouldn’t want you to be hurt, no no, no, my dear sir, I mean, I love you. I want to kiss you the type of love, and I’d love to keep you close and hold you kind of love,” Scar admitted, playing with his hands shyly as he kept his eyes away from the other’s face. It was silent, and it was making Scar squirm.

“I m-mean, if all that makes you feel uncorf- uncomp— weird, then I can go, but I just want you to be okay, and we can just ignore all this if—”

Scar’s chin was quickly taken hold of, and his lips were shoved against Grian’s. They were kissing, but the whole ordeal was messy. Being a little shocked at first, Scar couldn’t take in what was happening until it was too late and Grian had already moved back, his face looking so cute and puffy, a mess, but Scar’s mess.

With enough confidence, Scar goes in for the next kiss, capturing the other’s lips as he softly and simply kisses him, holding the other securely as they get comfortable against one another. It wasn’t heated nor messy; it was just them, their lips, and their silent confession. They love one another, always and forever.

Moving away almost felt like a crime to Scar. Still, he knew they’d both have to have proper breaths of air eventually, especially Grian, who’d had trouble breathing not longer than ten minutes ago. Once separate, Grian watched the other for a long moment before giving a small smile at him. It wasn’t a big smile; the other was still mentally recovering and had dry tear marks on his cheeks, but it was a smile nonetheless.

“I love you, Mr GoodtimeswithScar,” Grian whispered, watching the other with a look of fondness that he’d only been a handful of times before. A smile pulled at his lips as he lifted his hand to stroke the other’s cheek. “I love you too, Grian,” he whispered back.

And now I hear a symphony.

Scar was getting impatient. Grian could tell. It was a little amusing to him, but he couldn’t help but feel the love from the other as he kept close to him, supporting him through the trouble he’d had with the sea recently. Was it the sea? It felt more like a deep river… Alas, the water, with its fishing rewards, wasn’t treating him well.

Being Grian’s partner, Scar swore off mending himself until Grian also got the mending book from pure fishing. It was heartwarming that the other would do something both sacrificial and painful. It reminded Grian of the bond the two had made together through the love, the pain and the difficult times.

They hadn’t decided to live together just yet, with Grian being at the dock and slowly making progress on his own house whilst Scar became a zoo keeper in a train for the tenth season of Hermitcraft. The two were living life, and it was peaceful, other than Grian’s continuous shouts of anguish.

Speaking of anguish, the dirty blonde felt a tug at the line. Scratching his new beard, he began to pull in, and Scar began to whistle, letting go of Grian’s side to focus on the catch. With little pushback, he managed to bring whatever he’d fished up easily. It was a book. He held his breath as he took it off the line.

He opened the page, showing that the book was just another Depth Strider rendition. Grian angrily groaned and threw it toward his not-mending book chest. Scar made a noise of sympathy for him before gently tapping on the wood, letting Grian grumpily sit back down. Scar got close to him and began to cuddle up as Grian put another line out and held it, hoping he’d catch another book soon.

“It’s alright, G. We’ll get you that book one of these days,” he softly murmured, taking the avian’s hand as he tried to comfort the other. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll just find it next week, like we said last week, that we’d find it this week,” Grian angrily mumbled, stroking the back of Scar’s hand to comfort the other and himself.

Scar lightly laughed. “Yeah, something like that. We’ll get through this together,” he replied, giving a slight smirk to the other, who wasn’t paying attention to his face. “You make it sound like someone’s died,” Grian muttered, keeping a tight watch on the line and where it lay in the water. The other gave a light chuckle.

“Your hope and dreams have died, haven’t they?” He asked, his grin widening as he watched the other move away from him and look amused and fakely hurt. “Scar! You rude git,” he replied, snorting as he shook his head and got comfortable beside him again. Scar hummed back, relaxing next to the other until he got another tug on that damned fishing line.

#timeline of their time together #angst #fluff #hurt/comfort #grian is not okay #protective gtwscar #cactus ring #3rd life #grians fishing obsession #timeline from HC S6 to HC S10 #slow burn #grian #gtwscar #mentioned mumbo jumbo #i hope everyone enjoys!!

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beca-mitchell · 3 years

Note

What do you think other ships between Beca/Chloe and the rest of the group would be like? Or how well would each relationship pan out? As in Beca+Aubrey, Beca+Emily, Beca+Stacie… and Chloe+Aubrey, Chloe+Cynthia, etc…

posting under read more because this got lengthy!!

Chloe’s Ships

Chloe/Aubrey: This is my favourite secondary ship. It’s such a good foundation for Bechloe in my opinion, especially in the angsty way. I love imagining that Chloe and Aubrey had some kind of relationship going on in the BBM (”before beca mitchell”) times. I think Chloe and Aubrey’s dynamic would have been stressful, but they cared for each other deeply. And they still do! I think Chloe loved Aubrey hard and loved her fast, while Aubrey’s love kind of built up over time, making the relationship feel very one-sided and eventually Chloe moved on when Aubrey finally figured out her feelings.

Chloe/Stacie: I envision this ship being primarily physical—something that starts off as FWB with the potential to be something more. I think Chloe and Stacie in fanon are typically written very similarly (both very physical and affectionate and forward). In canon, I think Chloe is more passionate and headstrong than Stacie. Stacie has a very laid-back personality (different from Beca’s personality) and I think that’s probably where Chloe and Stacie would clash a little in a relationship. I don’t see this being more than a fling if anything, especially during the Barden Years.

Chloe/Cynthia-Rose: I think there would definitely be mutual attraction. Chloe seems like she’s attracted to good energies and I think C-R would be good for Chloe in the sense that C-R probably wants a stable relationship. If she weren’t canonically married (???), I think I would explore Chloe/CR more because I think it would be interesting. And obviously CR thinks Chloe is hot because she’s a wlw with eyes. In fanon I love that CR might be a confidante for Chloe because I can see her doing that. I think most people think Chloe would talk to CR about any doubts she might have about her sexuality but I think CR seems to have had clear goals/directions in life (see PP2 and PP3) which is good for Chloe. If they actually dated though, I don’t think they’d necessarily last.

Chloe/Emily: I weirdly ship this a lot?? I know, it seems out of the blue, especially for me. It really does feel like cheating on Bechloe though lmao. But I think Chloe/Emily could be cute. It would never happen during Barden, but maybe years down the line. Even past PP3. Chloe working in NY and Emily finishing her MBA or PhD. I think they could use an opportunity to reconnect and maybe discover some attraction there. I think they’re both very optimistic and eager-to-please people so I think their honeymoon phase of a relationship would last a long time.

Chloe/Flo: Interesting, but I’ve never really considered this. I think Chloe would find Flo cute and would be curious about learning more about her. I don’t know if any attraction would move in both directions though. Flo seems more concerned with getting through school, then building her business.

Chloe/Lilly: I am sure it happened once in a dream. Both of them dreamt it at the same time.

Chloe/Jessica: I’ve seen a surprising amount of support for this on Twitter?? Like surprising being more than one person shipping this. Which probably has to do with Britt/Kelley if anything. I think Chloe probably showed Jessica affection once and Jessica had a crush for about three seconds.

Chloe/Ashley: Chloe remembered her name and her role in the Bellas a few times, but Ashley doesn’t delude herself into thinking that she has a shot with Chloe.

Beca’s Ships

Beca/Aubrey: This is such a classic UST ship. Like I absolutely understand why people ship this. There’s just so much tension and the sheer angst of breaking Chloe’s heart while we’re it...which leads me to my next point: I think Beca and Aubrey is a ship with a shelf life—it inevitably ends with Beca/Chloe getting together (perhaps similar to Chaubrey). I do think Beca and Aubrey won’t always see eye-to-eye, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad ship. It would make for a super interesting dynamic. They both do some growing up between PP1 and PP2 and I suppose even between PP2 and PP3. We see that Aubrey mellows out somewhat but barely, but Beca is doing her best to be chill. So if they did start dating beyond a drunken hook-up, they would still have a lot of work to do on nurturing their relationship. And no matter what AU, I still hc that Beca and Aubrey, at some point, harbored feelings for Chloe. So we’d have to deal with that too.

Beca/Stacie: I love how Beca and Stacie are typically written in fic, especially their dynamic. So I base a lot of my characterization of Stacie on fanon. I can see them being a hook-up, likely instigated by Beca. While Stacie flirts with pretty much everything, I think she’s more careful about letting it go further when it comes to her friends, but if Beca pushed I think Stacie would accept. This of course does not mean I think Beca would be a top in any way, I think she would find a reason to want to hook up with Stacie. Maybe frustration from work, her family life, Chloe, etc. In terms of this dynamic evolving into a relationship, I’m still unsure where I stand. I think I’ve read too many side Staubrey to really read Stacie as being compatible with anybody but Aubrey (which is unfortunate because the movies and the fandom did such a disservice to CR/Stacie).

Beca/Emily: Okay, I like Bemily to a certain extent, but I don’t actively ship them. I think a lot of the groundwork for this ship comes from Emily’s admiration of Beca and her cheerful, good-natured personality. This is typically seen as a good contrast to Beca’s serious, awkward nature. In terms how well this relationship would pan out if it happened, I think it could work. I think this relationship is a good base for angst, especially if you combine both Beca and Emily’s insecurities—both of them seem to stem from not feeling like they’re good enough. They a pairing that works because they have potential and room to grow, I think. And they’d be a pretty good musical super duo!

Beca/Cynthia-Rose: You know? I think this would be really stable? Like CR, apart from her gambling problem in PP1 and her literal wife in PP2, seems like she’s one of the calmer members of the group. And Beca needs that stability in her life. I feel like Beca would be nervous around CR though, especially if it came to a relationship between them.

Beca/Flo: I don’t recall them interacting much or at all, so I’m working with close to nothing here. I don’t think Beca and Flo would ever date.

Beca/Lilly: I think Beca likes the quiet she gets with Lilly. She’s seen as fairly affectionate towards Lilly in the movies (though that might be Anna Kendrick/Hana Mae Lee), and Beca is rarely affectionate. It’s hard to fully imagine a romantic dynamic between them but I think they’d both be really into bringing each other food and lil shoulder massages while studying. All without talking much.

Beca/Jessica (or Ashley): Beca could not tell them apart. I don’t think this works out.

#Anonymous #ask #pitch perfect #headcanon #text #long post #mine

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

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I just find it so unfortunate that some aggressive shippers ruin a ship and a character for so many people. A popular Erwin x Levi artist got hate comments by some Levihan shippers and so many people are bashing it now on twitter because of that. Its just so sad considering LH was one of the most beautiful and fun dynamics in such a depressing story. Even Hange is getting hated because LH is pretty much the default ship involving them and it just breaks my heart :(

Twitter has some great content and I actually hang around AOT twt for some quick content. It’s like every time I’m feeling fast food I just hang there, like a few tweets, read a few soc med AUs etc etc.

But god. It’s a mess man. Last year I was constantly on twitter to be honest and it left me in a bad mood everyday because people are just being assholes for little to no reason really but just to put themselves in what they believe is a morally higher ground from their peers. And people just like fighting and the funny part is no opinions are actually heard, no views are actually exchanged. It’s just “you dont agree with me so you’re a bad person.”

Ad hominem attacks are just everywhere.

So I like staying in my small little hole and just talking to myself there and just liking the content of the Levihan people I actually follow. I see stuff I don’t agree with but I’ve kinda accepted that a lot of people there are just there to push an agenda because really if people were that open minded, I don’t think lynching and call out culture would have gotten this far.

I’ve used this same analogy so many times but I feel like in Twitter, people are just scrambling for some sort of moral high ground. Because of that, it is completely useless to engage in discourse there because one thing I noticed is most people who are vocal there already have a set stance on something and the fact that they’re ready to just bully anyone who stands in the way of their agenda, just makes convincing them out of the agenda impossible and a complete waste of time. And there are two issues in particular among the LH community which are really unsettling for me: the ship wars and within the LH community, the gender war.

Ship wars

I find the ship wars unnecessary because really what makes a superior ship?

Probability of being canon? How much fuel they were given in canon? Healthiness of the relationship?

The truth is people ship for many reasons. But really, who are we to judge how a person goes about the way they decide to participate in the fandom and ship? As long as it is something they keep within personal spaces and do it responsibly, I don’t think it’s our business to judge someone or lynch them. The important thing is people are able to not be an asshole about it. People can ship the most questionable shit, create the most dubious content, as long as that person is respecting boundaries and putting the right tags and trigger warnings, who are we to call them out right?

Of course I prefer LH over other Levi ships personally but is there really a need to attack other people’s ships about it? I probably do poke fun at Ereri because until now I still do not get why people enjoy Ereri in the first place but why destroy the fandom experience for people just because we don’t agree with them.

My general intention behind shipping Levihan is because above anything I value the healthiness in the relationship and the things people can learn about love and relationships by analyzing Levihan’s dynamics and headcanoning them. I love Levi and Hange’s dynamics to death and I like digging deeper into them and pulling out lessons from it about love, life and relationships and just sharing them with people which is my whole point for participating in this fandom in the first place.

But in the end, ships are just preferences. Some people like getting a kick out of dubious pairings and toxic relationships. As long as they consume these responsibly and don’t emulate them in real life, I see no problem in it.

The toxic ones are the ones who actively crucify people for preferences.

The Gender War

One really disturbing thing I found about twitter is that deciding to use ‘she’ to refer to Hange can get you lynched. I found a few accounts that would reblog tweets where someone says something like “Yes, Hange, Queen” which gets retweeted by some NB Hange folk who say stuff like “Unfollow this transphobe now.”

Because apparently deciding to headcanon Hange as a woman or just preferring to use ‘she’ makes people a transphobe. Which is personally just... really disturbing. I don’t believe words like homophobic, transphobic, racist should be so easily thrown around unless there is hard evidence to believe that someone is really one of the epithets above like for example:

There are things I find completely assholish like of course, refusing to use someone’s preferred pronouns if they ask you.

But Hange is fictional and Hange is a gift to the fandom.And I don’t even think the issue about Hange’s gender should have ever reached this far. The only thing Yams ever said was that Hange is just not the type to be tied down to a single gender.

And policing Hange’s gender and saying NOPE SHE’S NON BINARY USE THEY Is just counterintuitive to the whole idea that she’s a free spirit. In the end, Hange as a character wouldn’t have given a fuck whether people called her a they, she or even a he.

And yeah, it’s frustrating really that these two issues I just discussed above are ruining Hange as a character for a lot of people and consequently, ruining Levi x Hange as a ship.

Apparently, a lot of people are closet LxH shippers or closet Hange stans because the moment they tweet something about Hange, there are people who will attack them. If people refer to Hange as they, they get attacked. If people refer to Hange as she, they get attacked. There are so many antis apparently to the LxH ship, some apparently are jealous because ‘it’s the closest to canon’ while others just apparently deem it a toxic ship because of our own internal gender war.

There’s no winning really. And to be honest, there’s nothing I can do either and I don’t want to engage in any arguments in twitter if at the end of it, I’m just gonna end up wasting my time listening to ad hominem attacks directed at me just for not agreeing with someone in a fandom related matter. .

I’ve said my piece about the Hange gender issue so many times. There are NBs who use she. There are those who use they. Being female and being NB aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be both at the same time.

But yeah, we still have people being assholes about this and pushing factually wrong agendas. I love research and I have been writing research papers and metas for a lot of things even before I started this blog in the first place. And I eventually learned that the world is so complex that no opinion is completely and absolutely correct.

And ideally, opinions shouldn’t be made so easily.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone is entitled to a preference and when I say preference I mean the type of food they like, the type of wallpaper they like.

But no one is entitled to a moral judgement or opinion just for existing and when I say opinion I mean questions on morals, on what’s right or what isn’t, what is or what should be. Every single person has the responsibility to research, hear both sides of a discourse and understanding them before deciding for themselves what’s right. And this is why hearing accusations that someone is ‘transphobic,’ ‘homophobic’ blah blah over how we hc a character just really does not sit well with me.

Passing moral judgement on someone requires discernment, deep thought and lots and lots of evidence. But yeah this is a philosophical question and a political question so I ain’t going to delve into it here.

Because, in the end, fandoms are preferences. The way we choose to participate in a fandom and create content are preferences more than anything.

So what? (Btw, if you reached all the way here, thank you for listening to me ramble lol and sorry if you weren’t expecting this type of ramble)

I know I’ve just been rambling a lot up there for a lot of reasons but really what message do I wanna give?

Fandoms are preferences more than anything so I don’t even believe that there should be a discussion on moral judgement here. People can have the weirdest kinks, the most questionable preferences but as long as they aren’t going around romanticizing abuse, beating up people in real life, killing them and lying in real life, who are we to judge?

Even if someone says they have a rape kink and abuse kink when it comes to fics, as long as they acknowledge it’s something they shouldn’t emulate in real life, as long as they can keep an adult conversation about it, I think these people are generally kinder and more pleasant overall than people who force their healthy canon ship and lynch everyone for having more questionable preferences.

Ship and let ship. Live and let live. Headcanon and let headcanon. If a person has a differing opinion, listen. (Or really, if you just don’t want to deal with listening to differing opinions coz you’re just gonna get stressed, don’t lynch? Don’t send hate? And just ignore it?)

Ask yourself. Does the person acknowledge that it isn’t right in real life? Do they acknowledge if they emulate it in real life it has the potential to be harmful?

Honestly, all I wanna do is just let people stan Levi and Hange however they want to. There are obviously hcs I dont agree with. But in the LH community we just all love Levihan, let’s not ruin the fandom experience for anyone. In the AOT community, we all just love AOT, let’s not ruin it for anyone. Let’s not hurt anyone, attack them etc.

If someone doesn’t agree and they can hold an adult conversation about it and they don’t emulate these toxic opinions in real life and they recognize that there is the option to just agree to disagree, why don’t we just listen and engage in this discourse to learn more about other people and to build more perspectives?

Because really it isn’t the questionable hcs or the multiple genders which leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It’s the people who just go straight to attacking instead of actually considering that there’s potential for discourse and there’s potential to ‘agree to disagree’ because in the end, fandom discourse is a question of preference more than moral judgement.

It’s easier said than done really. But personally for me, I just try to keep my fandom experience as non toxic as possible while at the same time as mentally fulfilling as possible. I enjoy discourse, I like hearing differing opinions and I really believe with something as light and as inconsequential as fandoms as our common ground, we can learn to peacefully co-exist despite differing opinions on what the best ship is or what Hange’s gender is.

Note: I won’t delve too much on the Hange gender issue here because I have pending asks about those which I’ll answer in one go, but I really believe that both they and she are valid pronouns for Hange.

I have a general preference for ‘she’ because it’s just easier to read. But personally I don’t think too much about the gender identity issue because it’s really just too complex for me and i like spending my time thinking of other headcanons about Hange than gender and people who push the Hange is nb agenda and people who push the Hange is a female agenda and just insult each other and lynch each other are both equally unsettling.

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smallcrystals · 3 years

Photo

I had written so much and then i fucking lost it all nooooooooooo.

Welp, gotta rewrite it. Here are my sibs, be warned, there’s a lot here. Also, apologies for subjecting you to my handwriting.

Morning star (eldest, top left)

Mid-late twenties

Likes historical weaponry and combat. she ‘s a big nerd, who used to larp and enjoys things like tabletop and renaissance fairs and fantasy stuff (she also sort of inspired a dnd hobby in flash)

Amputee

She has adhd (they all do) which was inherited from their dad.

She likes jazz

She was in the air force for a while doing mechanics and maintenance. She ended up losing an arm and a leg in an engine accident due to someone else’s neglect of procedure. She got a medical discharge and ended up not getting a lot of benefits she was kind of promised (cause ‘merica). She depends on vet aid for a lot of her expenses but it’s still not nearly enough (cause ‘merica), and she is bitter.

She used to be a huge social butterfly, very much the Prep/jock leader type. She’s more jaded and a lot more tired now, but she still very much likes people when she has the energy.

She likes making morbid jokes. Her: “Damn that sounds like it’ll cost you an arm and a leg,” Everyone: *sweating*. She lives for their discomfort.

She still lives with her family for convenience, and now a days she’s doing college online.

Tol lady

Frizzy hair

V protective

Militant march (second oldest, top right.)

A year or two older than flash

I got his design from the scene in friendship games where the band comes on

Speaking of, Band Geek. he’s in percussion, he is percussion dad. He has extra sheet music and the freshmen are his kids

Also plays classical piano

He has inattentive type adhd, which he deals with by doubling down on organization.

His bullet journal is pristine. He has…so many sticky notes. So many. On his desk, on his door, stuck on the walls, covering the bathroom mirror, so many. He has a set of alarms, and he keeps a calendar.

Does like ~awarness~ exercises to deal with zoning out and getting lost in thought (which he does a lot)

He doesn’t want to deal with forgetting stuff he so just. Carries everything. Everywhere.

If you mess with his schedule he will panic. Please arrange hangouts with at least like, 3 days notice pls, he doesn’t do well with spontaneity

He’s a good student. He’s also good to his teachers, he brings in apples and coffee, he volunteers to help them retrieve things and with grading, and he’s generally very agreeable. He usually also establishes a relationship with them because he needs to communicate his needs when it comes to ADHD accommodations.

On the flip side, if a teacher ignores his disability accommodations or his county plan or is an asshole about it, he doesn’t tolerate it. He will lawyer on it, he will file with the school, he will go to admin and he will have you in litigation from your toes up to your teeth. God forbid you are a shitty sub.

Petty but like, quietly.

Whenever people get up to nonsense he’s just like: sips tea

Otherwise, he’s a soft boi. Accommodating, patient, and polite. Wears cable knit sweaters and polo shirts.

Uppercut (lower left, second youngest)

She boxes! She also wants to get into mma. Very scrappy gal

She’s in like, 7th or 8th grade

Despite her jockness, she still very much dresses femininely. She likes skater skirts and e-girl stuff.

Flash: “she’s my little sister and I love her. She’s also a demon from hell sent to kill me via stress attack,”

Mischievous. She likes to prank people, she likes to sass her brothers and she is a mythic troll to her family (and others)

Also pretty internet savvy. She’s on a lot of different forms and boards. She also uses VPNs, AdBlock, data protectors, and the like.

She likes making video edits and amvs.

She is a menace, and sometimes gets up to dangerous and/or questionable things, like trolling alt-right message boards or baiting people into saying creepy or incriminating stuff so she can report or blackmail them

She’s on reddit

G a m e r

She also floods bigoted tags with things like memes and fancams to clog them.

She has catfished people before. Usually incels and 4channers. She has some weird sense of vigilantism, and also finds it funny. It’s never anything serious (like having someone think they’re in a serious relationship) but she has gotten people to get her stuff like steam games b4.

Flash was not pleased when figured this out and he’s sort of constantly worried somethings going to happen. One time she did something that especially freaked him out and he got Microchip to install parental controls on her computer for like a month.

On the less worrying side of things, she runs fan blogs and likes tiktok. Normal fandom stuff.

Her room has colored LED lights.

I like to think flash give her the jacket he wore in the first 3 movies once he got his makeover.

Hyperactive adhd! She has a fidget spinner, but she only got one after it became “cringy”. She hyper focuses All The Time. Does the leg bounce, and gets a lot of energy out through her boxing. Her computer is super organized, her room is an absolute mess.

First base (youngest, bottom right.)

He’s like, 10-12.

Baeby. He baeby.

He’s the little colt in a couple of the cmc episodes, im pretty sure everyone decided he’s flash’s brother and so have i.

Combined type adhd. He is a very hyper boy. He’s constantly fidgeting or moving in his seat or dancing in place.

It would annoy his teachers if he weren’t so polite.

He plays baseball!

He also really likes flowers, especially yellow ones, and especially especially yellow roses, dandelions, and marigolds

He tucks dandelions into his shoelaces a lot.

He’s also very friendly and upbeat, as well as surprisingly emotionally mature. He’s very in touch with his feelings and very good at sensing how other people feel.

Plays ukelele, flash taught him. First painted flowers on it

He has this giant frizzy fluffy mass of hair, so he has some clips and barrettes he uses to keep it out of his face sometimes. He also sometimes wears headbands.

Yellow is his favorite color.

He dresses literally however he wants, including stuff like skirts. he‘s very fond of sweater dresses when it’s cold.

Him and flash are very close. Flash basically acts like he’s his momma, and he will extend that nurturing to First base’s close friends.

He’s also just an absolute magpie. He collects a ton of things from cool rocks to random shiny stuff to hairpins he finds. He always most have pockets for this reason. He also always has scrunches and hair ties on his wrist even though he doesn’t use them, in case anyone needs to borrow one.

Also keeps fun bandaids in case anyone needs one.

Did i mention he baeby? He baeby.

HOL Y FUCK

hi mum i love them all

you really went so in depth with them and i love it!! they’re so interesting to read abt and i love their designs!! i’m pretty sure most people took first base as flash’s younger brother sdjkfd but i’m glad i’m not the only one who hcs flash being one of the middle siblings!!

i love them sm and thanks for sharing them w me! 🥺

#flash sentry #ocs #submission #AAAAA

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mysaldate · 5 years

Text

On the topic of BSD mental issues..

Because a lot of people in this fandom just LOVE to bestow their own mental problems on characters and even go so far as to claim not a single BSD character is mentally alright, I went on a little rant to debunk this bulshit of a claim. If you’re one of those who support the “everyone is mentally ill because I said so” theory, don’t even bother reading this, please, and save us both the time.

If you do read, however, please keep in mind those are just my opinions and analysis and why I personally find the claim that everyone is mentally ill bulshit. You’re free to believe what you want but I’ve had multiple people come spurting out insults at me simply for not believing every single character is mentally diasbled.

First, our beloved ADA Atsushi - He's actually doing really well. Sure, he's not 100% ok but we were given no serious childhood trauma impacts (except for flashbacks that don't really... do anything to him mentally except for motivating him to do better which is, you know, not a sign of mental illness), he doesn't have self-destructive tendencies, he doesn't feel like he owes the society anything but he doesn't slip to nihilism either. His motivations are humane and sane and relatable. I mean, if anyone told you your friends would be in mortal danger if you stay with them, wouldn't you try to get away from them too? Dazai - Ok, Dazai is far from stable. He still handles his issues surprisingly well though and his constant suicide attempts are really played off as a joke, which is not the best way to handle them but it takes a lot of seriousness from it and kind of makes it hard to believe it's what he actually wants to do with his life. Especially since there are times where he goes out of his way to make sure he stays alive (Dead Apple being just one example). Kunikida - Arguably one of the most stable characters in the show. Some people claim he has OCD but have you ever seen an actual OCD patient? His love for schedules and hard time when they can't be kept is something that runs in my family and nobody has ever been diagnosed with OCD. People need to realize that having your life planned out is not a mental illness. Yosano - I'm a little more benevolent about Yosano, especially since she has a more psychotic side to her and she seems actually damaged by her childhood but I stiil stand my point that she is doing extremely well for someone who supposedly has a mental illness. It's almost as if the "insane" side of her was purposedly overblown for comedic purposes. Ranpo - I know a lot of people say he's autistic but I don't agree with that hc. Why? Well, I have a classmate who's not autistic and she's exactly like him. She's smart, almost genius, has great deduce skills and brilliant crime-solving abilities (tested multiple times with Black Stories or whatever that game is called in english) but she is unable to live on her own. She knows close to nothing about real life, skills used for everyday functioning and as for public transport, she only learnt how to use it recently and she's almost 19 years old. I also have an autistic friend who specifically said he'd find it insulting to hear that Ranpo is supposedly autistic. Tanizaki - I'm not sure what to say here, Tanizaki is a normal guy. Nothing special about him. He's willing to go great lengths for his little sister but I think anyone with younger siblings can relate to that. At least anyone who cares for their younger siblings. Kenji - Go on and tell me how Kenji of all people has a mental illness, I dare you. And if you pull out his cheeriness, you're obviously just too depressed to fathom that some people might actually enjoy life. Fukuzawa - Again, one of the most stable characters in the series. Say what you will but he's not unstable and his ability to stay calm at almost any situation except for when his kids are in danger is just further proof of this. Kyouka - I'd say she might have issues. My afforementioned autistic classmate pointed out that she feels autistic to him so there's that. Also her childhood visibly screwed her over. However, she's still surprisingly stable and normal despite all of that so while she might have some issues, they are greatly balanced by her strong will and natural personality. Naomi - I wouldn't say Naomi is 100% ok in the head but not to a point where I'd claim an actual mental illness. Sure, I'm not a doctor but nor is anyone who diagnoses her with whatever it is they diagnose her with. Haruno - And exactly what is wrong about Haruno? She's cute, positive, cheery, hard-working and supportive. And she gets scared in situations that invoke this. Literally NOTHING weird.

Next up is our dear Port Mafia Akutagawa - No denying it, Aku has serious issues. Again though, he's doing far better than most people with similar problems but that could just be due to him letting his frustrations out via murder. Chuuya - No issue found here. Sure, he's a little short-tempered but that's about it. A lot of people are short-tempered without being mentally ill. And he could be portrayed with some serious issues due to his origin and past. Gin - Do we even know enough about her to diagnoze her? All we know is that she's silent, a little shy and that she's always on odds with Tachihara. Make me a diagnosis from that. Higuchi - Aside from her massive crush on Aku, there's nothing weird about her. She probably picked the wrong job but she's willing to work hard anyway to earn her place there,, which is not exactly typical for people with mental illnesses. Hirotsu - STABLE PERSON. Just... what else is there to him? He is literally the voice of reason who commands the black lizard solely because he can actually keep them under control. Geez, there is literally nothing linking him to any mental problem! Kajii - This guy's got issues, no denying it. And I won't even say he could do worse because obviously he could but he's fairly close to being the insanest (is that a word?) he can get. Kouyou - Oh look, ANOTHER completely stable person. I mean, come on, she's been an executive since Dazai and Chuuya were 15, that's seven years. Clearly she couldn't hold her position if she weren't stable. Not to mention, we saw her being stable in stressing situations so. many. times. Elise - She's an ability. No comment. Mori - Yes, he has his issues. But he's the hypercompetent Mafia boss who stayed in charge for a very long time already and there's no sign of anyone overthrowing him any time soon, nor planning to because he's just a great leader, something he couldn't be if he was mentally ill. Oda - Do I even need to elaborate on this? Oda is very probably the sanest person we got, one who sees the wrongs of his past and does his best to overcome them and repent, all of which goes without him being depressed or self-loathing in the slightest. Randou - This has been talked about a lot. Randou is sensitive and impulsive and sometimes acts on emotions rather than rationallity. None of that makes him a mentally ill person. It just makes him a person, a human being we can all relate to. Ace - Ace is a selfish human being who thinks too highly of himself and is manipulative and abusive. Is that a problem? Yes, obviously. Is that a mental illness? Not necessarily and more likely no than yes. He does things for his personal gain and everything went his way for far too long for him to expect it to go any other way. And as we all know, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutelly. Q - Does anyone really think Q is sane?

Now for the group that so many people dislike it’s honestly sad, the Guild Francis - Francis is, first and foremost, a very loving husband and father. He goes on this insane mission to Japan to obtain a mystical object he believes is real but never got any deffinite proof of. Is he naive? Perhaps so. And after he loses, he gets depressed and broken because he finds out his wedding ring disappeared, probably because his wife did something. That breaks him. And honestly? He has every right to break down. It's understandable and human and it does not make him mentally ill. Louisa - While yes, she is very shy and some argue she has some sort of anxiety disorder, all of this can be explained by the fact that she's practically a child. She's 18 dammit. Who could leave their home country at 18 only with an organization of older people, who also all seem very sure of themselves, while having no combat ability and nothing to really bring to the table? If she were mentally weak, there's no way she'd go looking for Francis after his fall, it's actually more likely she'd hurry back home, probably with tears and fear of being arrested if she were to stay in Japan for longer. Margaret - Name me one thing that makes you think Margaret of all people would have a mental issue. One thing. Most of her screentime is her being a vegetable. And while that is certainly a health problem, not a mental health one. Nathaniel - Hey, he was completely ok before meeting Fyodor. Being religious is not a mental health problem and f you if you say otherwise. John - Again, nothing unstable about John. He's not even that selfish, doing what he can to support his family and even picking up the remainings of the Guild to keep the people together and give them new hope because, y'know, hope is very important to people. Lovecraft - He's not even human. You can't apply human mental health logic to him. Herman - We've seen him for how much... 2 minutes total? And even from just that, he seemed like a calm and composed guy. No sign of mental problems whatsoever. Mark - He's hyper, that's what people say at least. But is he really? Kind of hard to believe when all we've seen of him is two scenes of adrenalin rush, one scene where he tries to lift the spirits of his coworkers and one scene where he just decides to go back home because this adventure is obviously over. No sign of mental illness here either. Lucy - A little more visible traumatic impact than with Atsushi and some abandonment issues, which are completely understandable and relatable. Not necessarily a mental illness. Poe - Ok so Poe doesn't feel well in company of others and he is a little psychotic when he gets too into his self-assigned role but 1) introverts are not mentally ill and 2) it's completely natural to get carried away when we witness the person we believe wronged us getting some karma back.

The one group that appeared for such a short time, yet everyone seems to love them, the Rats Fyodor - The most obvious god complex, clearly. He's not sane but he's stable so there's that. Nobody says he's ok, he's clearly not. But he's composed and smart enough to not let his issues control him. Ivan - Part of his brain is literally gone. He's not ok. he can't be. And unless part of your brain is missing too, you physically can't relate to him. Pushkin - Actually a stable, understandable character. Weak men are known through all of history to be the causes of major drama simply because their complexes over being weak lead to them finding joy in torturing the strong. It's not a mental illness, it's just bad character. Oguri - Clearly, Ogugu has issues. Call it survivor's guilt or PTSD or whatever you want, he has issues. Nobody is denying that. Still, he's doing fairly well when not desperatelly trying to seem evil.

I do not feel like doing the Hunting Dogs for the sole reason of me not liking them enough to focus on their mental states but they are pretty much lab rats, artificially enhanced humans and that alone should be enough to explain why I don’t believe in applying normal psychology to them. As for the Decay of Angels, there’s still much more to learn about them so I won’t get into that just yet. And when it comes to the governmental agents, I haven’t read the novels so I only know a bit about Ango and I honestly don’t see how anyone could think Ango has a mental illness.

I repeat again, these are my opinions, based on my experiences and what I’ve studied about mental illnesses (because believe it or not, I study about these things quite a lot). It doesn’t fit except for Tumblr romanticised versions of them and even those are iffy. You’re free to agree and disagree with all of this or with just certain parts but please don’t feel required to share your thoughts, I frankly don’t much care.

With that I bid you goodbye, at least until another thing prompts me to make a long-ass analysis almost nobody will read, nor care for.

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scummy-writes · 6 years

Text

This blog is only going to be used to post personal fic updates from a much more controlled environment, AO3, and nothing else.

This post has been set to queue post two more times for timezones and then no more after that.

Explanation under the readmore:

This is to the shock of absolutely no one, but I can’t do this anymore.

A lot of you guys have stuck here with me from the beginning, and, unfortunately, got to learn about personal stuff I never intended to share. Some of that came around in discussions, of some events that happened, or back towards the beginning of the year that severely impacted me and still does to this day.

Back before I made this blog, a few months before I had started playing MM. I loved it, thought it was great for an otome, and fell in love with all of the characters. Like a lot of people, I ran into the game when I wasn’t doing too well. Things at home were horrible, I had no job, I had recently gotten out of something life altering and was still struggling with myself. This game helped me out, sparked my creative flow again (I think the last time I had published something that wasn't for a friend was a good four years ago), and inspired me to write and share what I had written.

Then, when my stories got an incredibly large amount of hits, and I saw HC blogs circling around, I made one. This one.

I made it to share stories, ideas, and small headcanons- To share positivity, and maybe a bit of fictional angst. For a couple of months, things were going well. A got such sweet followers, I had great support- But then I brought back a fic people had wanted, originally taken down due to me unable to plan a decent plot, and harassment began.

And, well, a lot of you have been around for that whole debacle.

Then. Just more issues started coming up. Instead of this blog being fun, being something I was so glad that it was making people happy, things just went downhill. Constant negative messages/comments, constant drama- I just shrugged it off for the most part, but then I realized that most of this drama, most of what is starting to wear me down, is just because I didn’t write a character how one person wanted me to.

Just because I apparently wrote a character ooc, for two fics, apparently warranted harassment spanning over months– Like literally absolutely fucking months. Do you know when it started for me? March. February for others. But hey, everyone’s seen this, right? God knows I’ve reblogged it countless times hoping the fucking hateful anons would stop coming in. Except They. Kept Coming. Over and Over Again. I even took a fucking hiatus and stopped writing the fic this person couldn’t stop obsessively hate-reading only to immediately get shit on again.

I’ve had my mental Illness, PTSD, and overly traumatic and sexually abusive events in my life degraded, along with many of my friends and now victims of this who did absolutely nothing wrong, while friends and I were being told we weren’t ‘thinking of the abuse victims’ when being confronted about liking a FICTIONAL CHARACTER, Jumin, who was being deemed abusive by this ‘anon’ . My illnesses and abuse history that I had mentioned before and even directly to this person’s messages.

I’ve had the harassment that my friends and I have went through be deemed to be nothing because “Well this user always likes my posts”, “This user sends me a nice message sometimes”, while those same people ignored the posts of the user even completely opening up and admitting to what the fuck they’ve done.

You connect all this with some personal issues of mine- The issues surrounding my mother’s attempt, the strain with my family, and my own personal mental health namely- and, well. It’s hard to view this blog positively anymore.

I’m just not happy anymore. Namely, my current emotions are probably connected to another depressive episode, but even before today- It’s just been hard.

I made this blog to have fun- Because people enjoyed my stories, enjoyed my headcanons- And now due to all this drama and harrassment I just feel disgusting.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, honestly. I never made this blog to be constantly harassed because some dipshit couldn’t ignore my fanfic, couldn’t block my blog and ignore me, couldn’t just move the absolute fuck on with their life instead of spending nearly a whole year attempting to stalk me, attempting to harass me for every little asinine thing. Of course this had a strain on my writing- I after the haitus I just could barely put out HC’s anymore. I kept saving drafts, getting stressed to fuck and back because I didn’t know if a typo was going to cause me to be blasted with insults to my writing and life, I didn’t know if I expressed Zen having insecurities was going to send another flood of anons like I had received many times before. You think all the messages in the Call Out are bad? All the ones that weren’t in it and I didn’t link in this post? What about all the ones you all didn’t see because I deleted them before I even let myself think about them, because I had no energy just to put up bullshit because all I ever, ever, fucking did was write a Fictional Fucking Character a little fucking different from canon.

And that’s not all- There’s a support group in a discord server my friend set up because I’m not the only person this dipshit has gone after. There’s at least ten god damned people that we know of getting this same treatment- and there’s probably so so so SO many more that are probably feeling the same emotions I did. And FUCK, friends of us are even feeling drained because it’s absolutely sickening that we’re being harassed for liking a genuine love interest in a fucking mobile otome game. In a VIDEO GAME.

You know what I did? I went back into fucking therapy because of all this, because my major depression and anxiety kicked into full gear because I was sharing my writing, something that I made, something that meant so much to me because for once I wasn’t being mocked or laughed at when I wanted to be creative. The harassment got to me so fucking badly I had to go to therapy again.

I’m so blown away by how all this shit I’m dealing with is because someone just couldn’t ignore my blog/ao3 stories. That they think harassment is excusable because I won’t write or stop writing what they want me to.

So now, characters I used to help me cope with a very serious issue of mine, just make me feel empty. My coping mechanisms are failing, and running this blog isn’t becoming worth it anymore, not if I’m even going to be bitched at for trying to show lesser known artists to some newcomer in the fandom.

So. I don’t know. That’s why I hardly post anymore. I feel disgusting and empty, for a game that I used as a coping mechanism. Instead of it making me happy, all this drama and this god damned person just makes me regret even writing in the first place.

So no more hc posts. My writing has declined, we all know it, god knows it won’t stop being pointed out to me, and I shot myself in the foot doing character limits. My Hc posts went from getting so many sweet comments to one once in a blue moon, the majority of the comments I receive on here about my HC’s are just a constant stream of hatred, and I just cannot fucking do this.

I just wanted to have fun.

you guys can find me on my twitter (@Mm_Scummy) and my AO3 (Scummy). I’m not posting anything else to this blog unless it’s fic updates, and even that I’m debating on. I’m just keeping this blog up to keep what writings I did enjoy up, and just because I can’t bring myself to delete anything where I did get support.

If this post makes you angry, or makes you upset that it’s came done to this:

SUPPORT CONTENT CREATORS. Don’t sit around and let them be harassed!! I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it felt when I would get a message from a random follower just seeing if I was okay. Just saying that they hoped I felt better, or just sending heart emojis. Every little bit of support means so, so, SO much to content creators after they’ve been outright harassed or taken advantage of, because it shows that you care.

REBLOG THESE POSTS:

- THIS one because the word needs to be spread that content creators do not owe you anything.

- And THIS one because the user that keeps harassing me and so many people, so many that we may never know who all they have harassed, uses the Anonymous tool on every single platform they can to hurt people, and she is NOT above making new accounts to continue her harassment over and over again. Because god knows we have blocked her account and have never, ever, fucking unblocked it and she STILL didn’t get the most obvious hint that what she is doing is absolutely, undeniably fucking disgusting and in no way excusable.

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oakmd · 6 years

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Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at.

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half.

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there. Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people:

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy.

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that.

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person.

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them.

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser.

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay?

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend!

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone!

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble @thunderstonereject @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

#congratulations hall of famers! ▸ [ PROMO. ]#this is too mcuh work im sorry if i missed anyone dnfkgh #also sorry if i started sounding repetetive but i dont say anything i dont mean #this was overwhelming but it was worth it!!!!#follower count for ts #wat a nice early bday gift :o #and around the same time as the anniversary pkmn game release

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