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inkskinned · 9 months

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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

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rineedagger · 2 months

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I am sorry, but I don't have time to fight and treat dead things like if they were alive. I'll be the bad one you decide: The bad friend who gave up out of spite (in spite of trying to keep it real, ours), or the bad friend who uses "mental illness" to excuse all the crap.

I won't keep investing when there are no ears to listen the aches of my side. I will maintain my feet on my belief, where oversharing and overexplaining are just as painful and nonsensical as trying to validate myself based of your level (and choosing) of understanding.

Is it even fair to not respect what you can't seem to understand? Wait, I'm remembering just now about how badly we talked behind our friend's back, yeah, the one with a serious mental illness that bothered you just as much because she didn't fit inside your narrowed sight.

Do you expect me to believe that you don't think the same about me, when I've been scolded for been sick? Specially after trying to make me feel bad for "not writing you every day or night" just like "true friends are supposed to do" or "social people does", almost like if there is only one way to do it right.

I deleted all my alibis, forwith I don't seek to be right. I just want to live a healthy, humble and authentic life, and I will never ask you to change for that. I'll leave or I'll stay, but never demand you what doesn't come from your insides.

And yes, I can change my mind and my heart as much as I decide. I don't need anyone's permission for that. Hell, I can't conceive a life without doing that. I am who I am now, but there has been many more, and I am proud for that.

There is only one person who deserves to cut my tongue and keep my mouth shut. To kneel for and apologize (yes, I've been mean and unkind). And it isn't your eyes the ones the ones that come to mind.

I am sorry to be so personal this time. Yes, I've been unkind, but I'll remain loyal to my heart.

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askyourwritergrandma · 10 months

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Hello there. I have a bit of a difficult question in the sense that I don't know who to ask about it. You seemed to be arguably the wisest source to consult on the matter, so I'm taking a chance.

I had an idea for a fic that I wanted to write and I was actually in the process of writing it for a bit. It was for a small fandom event in which I signed up for. I was almost done with it and was in the finishing stages of them when I was obstructed by people and circumstances that really ought not to have ever been and as such, I was never able to fully publish it. Ever since then, I have resented the people who did this as I not only failed to deliver the final product I was supposed to, but I also looked like a fool. I hated everyone and myself for this entire thing as this is not the first time I had been stopped from doing something that I chose outside of everyone else's jurisdiction. To an effect, I still do.

As a more notable effect, looking at the document in which all of my hard work sat made me physically ill and enraged. I had also stopped writing completely because of how strongly I felt (and still feel) about this entire situation. Soon after the fact, I also essentially erased myself from the online space for a month because I didn't want anyone to question nor point out that I hadn't done it as I did not want to explain why and doing so would have me spiral out of control and simply delete my social media as I would not be able to live with it. I have only come back recently because I was sick of being socially isolated and alone. You would think that this would be the end of it, but there's one thing that for some reason sticks around.

I still want to write this story.

Yes, I know I essentially left them high and dry but this premise and what I had been working on captivated me to such a degree that I'm still thinking about it when my mind wanders on its own. But I still get sick thinking about my circumstances that I can't change nor budge and as such, I still can't stand looking at the document nor the outline. I desperately want to get to work on it again, but there's so much negative emotional attachment to it that I can't bring myself to do it because I wonder why I ever bothered with it in the first place if everyone and everything in my life keeps stopping me from doing it.

I've tried to write other things in the meantime, but they too are suppressed as I am constantly reminded of my failure and my circumstances that are not only unfair but ridiculous as this is the only outlet I really have and to see it limited to such a degree is sickening and still makes my blood boil.

I love writing things and I love exploring these things, but I don't even know how to do it when all of it is accompanied by rage, despair, inferiority, and pure unadulterated hatred directed at myself as well as others.

So I suppose that my question really is this:

How do I bring myself to write when my entire being hates me for even trying, knowing that I'll never finish what I start because something will stop me?

Oh friend, this is just some shit right here.

Ok so important disclaimer is that I am not a mental health professional. Anything I say is based on personal experience or accumulated knowledge from the internet.

Its important that you know, and really properly internalize, that you did not fail. In fact my first thing directly related to writing that I would advise you to do, when you start to feel this way, is to say 'I did not fail' to yourself. Sometimes things happen that can't control and they affect us in very serious ways that takes time to get over.

Certainly it sounds like what you were working on was important to you and the circumstances that interrupted it were very upsetting. There's no surprise that your story has becoming a focal point for those feelings. Untangling how they are connected is something that you can only do with time and trying.

If you have a safe place where you can externalize those feelings, either through talking to someone, keeping a journal or writing the events but fictionalized I would suggest those things. Sometimes just being able to put it all out there and know that its safe helps you move on from it.

As far as people on the internet questioning you about where you've been, I can't say that wouldn't have happened or that it won't happen in the future, but as a general rule good, decent people extend you grace. Everyone has a life outside of this anonymous mosh pit we call the internet and most people are capable of understanding that. You don't need to compound these feelings of failure with any additional shame from anonymous strangers. Would they have loved to read your story? Yes of course they would have. If you were to finish it they would still want to read it. But they aren't angry or upset with you.

As you try to write, remind yourself that you have not failed. Imagine yourself as a professional athlete who has suffered a serious knee injury. You had to take time away but you're back on your feet now and you're working towards getting back on the field. Every time you sit and try to write, remind yourself that you have no failed, that you are recovering and that you will get better. Writing will get easier.

Send me as many asks as you want, if they help, I'll do my best to answer them promptly.

Good luck anon and take care of yourself.

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leventart-den · 8 months

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I apologize in advance for this giant post. In short, I'm thinking here about how the topic of soulmates and the omegaverse can be scary and how it could be done in a more light-hearted way (if necessary). These are just my thoughts and I in no way impose anything on anyone or judge anyone. I'm totally okay with people who love the omegaverse and soulmate theme and I don't condemn it in any way.

Oh and of course I'm thinking about all this in the context of the idea for ZoSan 👀

I see a lot of omegaverse and soulmate fanfiction in the one piece fandom on AO3. Unfortunately these topics scare the crap out of me. Although when I was in my twenties I was completely okay with this, I even liked to read something. I can logically understand the appeal of these themes as fictional elements. Because when you write something (be it omegaverse, or in my case angst dark themes) it is an environment you control and it cannot harm you. For the reader it's different, all they control is the choice to read or not based on tags. I choose not to read what bothers me. But I am a person who really likes to analyze and delve into the reasons. Why I personally can't read most soulmates and omegaverses.

And I realized. The main reason is that for me personally, in both of these themes, the relationships between the characters are perceived as “forced”. Like the characters had no choice. In soulmates, this is imposed by “fate”. In the omegaverse it is imposed by biological characteristics-needs. Again, I can understand why this might be attractive and/or interesting as fiction. And I am aware that fear of such things is my personal problem. I'm writing all this simply because maybe someone has the same problem or wants to write soulmates and omegaverse more "safely" and in a lighter version. Because after realizing the reason, even I’m okay with writing a light version.

So. How can these themes be portrayed more lightly and less forced and still retain their core?

It's actually very simple. In the case of soulmates, the symbol of connection, whatever it may be, should appear only after the characters have sincerely begun to become close to each other. Like, it’s already there (their friendship, brotherhood or love) and is starting to blossom, no soulmark has given them the idea that they are soulmates and therefore should be close even if they are unpleasant to each other. It's like an engagement ring in this case - you won't get engaged to someone you don't love (in most cases). So signs of a soul connection appear when your soul feels that this is “that important person.”

In the case of the Omegaverse, it may be the same. There is no heat or anything like that, no manifestation of a second gender until the two characters meet each other and fall in love. There is no imposition factor and nothing that binds you to another person if you are not in love.

Of course, in both of these cases, things can start out as one-sided for angst and intrigue. This could actually be quite interesting in the case of Sanji and Zoro, for example x))

So yes. I've said a lot here and I apologize for it. I'm starting to want to delete everything I wrote and not post because I'm afraid that people will start attacking me, but if what I wrote gives someone ideas or helps with something, I'm willing to take the risk.

Please don't be rude, I have no ill intentions with this.

#zosan #one piece #omegaverse #soulmates #I don't know how to tag this so people don't burn me alive

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good-beans · 7 months

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Ahh thank you @fayesdiary for tagging me!! It's time for WIP Wednesday on a Sunday 😎

Here's a little peek at the opening section of a normal au Fuuta-Yuno piece, mostly shown through text messages. I was sad that Yuno has to hide so much of her life/job/self from her friends, so I'm playing around with her gradually being able to open up to Fuuta about things (and him getting a true friend in the process)

Forgive me for not tagging anyone but it's late and I'm eepy but PLEASE I wanna see what people are working on so if you see this come and share some of your wip!!

(I may end up using one of those text screenshot generators, but also maybe not because I have some action sandwiched throughout. It's color coded here, but I don't think the final version will be.)

Hi Fuuta! Sorry to bother you so late, but you took calc last year, right? Can you take a look at this question and tell me if I’m close? [image attached]

Fuuta’s eyes flicked away from his game.

you really think i would know

i barely passed

Eh, figured I’d give it a shot…

It’s due tomorrow and you’re the only one I know up at this ungodly hour 😔

yeah, why are you doing worksheets now?

its past your bedtime

Every time you say it it’s SO funny!! 🙄

You just wait until next year

Yuno couldn’t help but glance at her little desk countdown to graduation. Still too far off to get too excited. Her fingers kept tapping.

I was working. I forgot I never finished this earlier lol

this late? they’ve got laws against that you know

oh wait

sorry

Why are you sorry? Thanks for looking out for me though 😘

Fuuta typed in a message. He deleted it. He typed another. Deleted it.

ill text mikoto. hes up sometimes and probably did better in calc

Aww wait, are you embarrassed? I didn’t know you were such a prude ~

im not fucking embarrassed

i didnt think you wanted to talk about it

whatever

Awww you really are flustered! Well, if you ever want I can always come back with some tips for you. For a price, of course, but I’m willing to settle for something easy. That karaoke night coming up, maybe 👀

tips?

God knows you need them, I’ve seen the way you try and talk to Rumerie

excuse me??? like i need your help

Oh riiight, all that action you’re getting at university

You let me know when you spend the night with someone who’s not 2d

She smiled wickedly to herself, picturing the way he’d be fuming.

fuck off i dont play nasty games like that

Yeah, you only play really, really cool games, right? What are you playing right now?

What’s so cool that you’re sacrificing your sleep and well being and school career for?

Fuuta glanced at his game screen. He grimaced.

shut up

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #yuno kashiki #thank you pal!!#i have a bunch of pieces of things but this is the most polished at the moment #i always want to do text message fic but i never end up actually doing it #so this has been fun!#its in my long queue rn but i saw a post of yuno/fuuta art that made me drop everything and start this #its him comforting her in her mv lingerie and i realized she never had any friends to take care of her when she had a weird job or client :#the fic is going to go through a bit of their convos beforehand but i immediately wrote this and that last scene of comfort #the last scene is definitely more action than texts but i think it works #and i mean it! please share your stuff i wanna know :3 #rose writes!

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thecatspasta · 6 months

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NEW INTROPOST

[New intropost]

Haii, Im Rosette and the fine owner of this blog

This blog is supports Palestine and will block anyone whos neutral or for Israel

My pronouns are they/he (among others) and Im somewhat aroace

Im an artist and animator with a special interest in the Magnus Archives, Malevolent, Mother Mother and How To Train Your Dragon. I have autism and ADHD along with a few other things and my memory is ass so dont be surprised when I forget everything

My tagging system is:

#pasta scribbles - My art tag #garlic breath - Rambling tag, normally not reblogs #dragon!au - Dragon tma au. I turned everyone in tma into dragons #pasta's social life - Posts related to my friends (new tag, not used much) #youre only dreaming - my mental health/venting tag

My current interests are:

The Magnus Archives Malevolent Jack Conte Mother Mother Radiohead

And a lot more!

My PUBLIC sideblogs areee:

@pastasrebloops - where I reblog stuff (used when i have an active hyperfixation and want to reblog art and keep my main somewhat clean) @pastamurdercats - my warrior cats sideblog. All warrior cats content goes here. This is kept separate for personal reasons @cupboard-of-npd - mental illness blog. I talk about myself for extended periods of time and reblog stuff relating to mental health @pastadrawstma - TMA art goes here. Posts everyday at 3am NZST

Those are the only ones that I regularly use, so you can follow them if you want. There are 3 other blogs but Im really only sharing those with friends and mutuals I trust

BYI under cut

I am a minor, do not interact if you are 18+, NSFW or minors DNI

I have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and while its not the theme of this blog, it does come up a decent amount. Im can be incredibly attention seeking and self centered. If that bothers you dont follow :3

Do not follow me expecting one specific type of content forever, I hyperfixate on many different things

The word narcissist being used as an insult or an adjective or literally anything that doesnt refer to narcissistic personality disorder makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable, do not follow me if you do this. (same with believing in narcissistic abuse)

I do not want to participate in discourse and will not. I have my beliefs and I will discuss those among close friends, do not ask me what my opinions on stuff is

If I have gotten something wrong PLEASE tell me about it in PRIVATE. Not only am I more likely to see it but I am also more likely to give you a proper response rather than just deleting everything

Please never tell me about issues you have with stuff I enjoy, that normally results in me getting defensive and blocking you

I am uncomfortable with being called empathetic, as I am not so please avoid calling me that

Art is tagged as #pasta scribbles and rambling is #garlic breath

Carrd is here

That should be all, thanks for checking out my blog!!

#this is... one of many introposts #anyways #pinned #garlic breath

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jasperjv · 8 months

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youtube

Hey. So 2 years ago Connor Lavery's aka khonjin's psychological torture of me reached fever pitch in my psyche and I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital in a severe psychotic breakdown that lasted almost 3 months. Now I'm indexed in his long story of his supposed inexplicable persecution. He thinks me, in my psychotic state, demanding monetary compensation for his gaslighting and harassment, was some kind of attempt at "cancellation" and me throwing a tantrum instead of communicating like an adult. However I deleted my entire social media presence after getting back from the hospital and haven't bothered him since. But he still thinks I did something to him.

The man is dangerous. He believes that the worst sin of mankind is the ego, so he makes it his mission to bully the fuck out of everyone until they have no self-esteem, boundaries of their own, or healthy sense of self whatsoever. The elimination of the ego however is what psychosis is, also unable to suppress the flow of the unconscious, identical to a waking dream. But when that happened to me after 2 years of mind games, he retreated into himself and framed it in the most disgusting way possible. Which you will see.

Embedded here is the first video I made myself specifically on this topic. You will see more details in a more recent video, and follow the trail I put in that video's description to get my full story. For the podcast in particular I would give a content warning for assault, sexual assault, ableism ("saneism"?) and general torture and terror.

There's nothing on God's green earth I could do or say to force him to take me seriously. I have probably half of you people blocked because just seeing anything to do with him would make my blood pressure spike. And it's high enough as-is just due to genetics. Maybe the rest of you might be able to be reached.

I'm so sick of fucking self-centered freaks trying to hold me accountable for actual psychosis because they're so desperate to blame anyone or anything but themselves for their part in tragedy. I really get gaslit about my own psychosis, and forced to prove a negative repeatedly (which we know is a lexical impossibility). I'm handed a blatant double-standard about mental health awareness and basic human decency, when in many cases I desperately need it more than most. Schizophrenia sufferers are 1% of the population. We're dwarfed by most, if not all, other mental illnesses. In this I continue to be thrown alone to the wolves. Sometimes even while being laughed at, it truly feels like. So I feel like I have to do all in my power to help make sure that this happens to fewer people than it would otherwise.

The callouts in 2018, the types of points of persuasion they were trying didn't make sense to me. Maybe this, though, could strike others. I'm more specific about how exactly he destroys people from the inside out. Stay the fuck away from him.

He's scared of losing his financial support from Patreon and ad revenue or whatever. I really, truly felt for that for a long time. But now I know that none of us are obligated to keep his ass afloat. It would be nobody's fault but his own if he didn't even try to heal his fucked up mindset and was just a raging misanthrope nobody wants to deal with. When you get to be my age, you become aware of all the ways to make a living. He could get disability. He could get a factory job, for instance. And that paid me an absurd amount of money. He needs to make up his mind about if he wants to be around people or not. Because he can't keep treating them the way that he does.

Oh, and if you're reading this and you happen to have any social connections with him whatsoever, for the love of God, do not let him put you on the defensive. About anything. Over and over again. It chips away at you. He doesn't have the answers. He doesn't have any objective taste like he desperately wants to think. He doesn't know any wisdoms that you couldn't get from someone who won't talk down to you.

Took me quite a while to convince him of the truth that he is only older than me by only a few months. I needed my hope in humanity and the future in order to not go and end it all. He did not give a fuck. He kept accusing me of lying about not being a naïve teenager. Just for that. Ask any well-adjusted and experienced adult and they will tell you to stay far away from people like that. The motivations that drive them to that behavior and opinion are bad, bad news.

He is intelligent, in the scariest ways. Intelligence of that type allows dysfunctional people like him to fabricate lines of logic that justify and enable the abuse they already sought to do. Literally anything can be justified with just the right kind of logic. Trust your gut. Guard your mind. It's the only one you've got.

He leads an excessively stressful life, creates his own dysfunctional world both inside and around him. I truly believe that this causes him many health problems. I've been having nightmares because of him. And as this built up and weighed heavy on my mind I got a fucking hemorrhoid. It went away very quickly after I made this video.

I'm feeling anxious as I type this. But I have to tell myself that anyone who would continue harassment of me over all the truth I've spoken is not worth my time or space. This isn't for them. It's for me, and it's for people who still have basic respect and empathy left in them.

Yours truly,

"slug"

#khonjin house #supermental #Youtube

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a1li-ens · 4 months

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OK TESTING POSTING WRITING HERE... IM VERY EMBARRASSED BUT ILL TRY NOT TO IMMEDIATELY DELETE THIS (´>ω<;)

I wrote pwp of my ocs Abel and Micah on my phone on a long flight in a fugue state. idk if its good. read it and find out???? its them fucking with Abel in his nun outfit idk what to tell you (18+)

(not a scene in canon so doesn't have spoilers really I think. is it a spoiler my OC would date a canon love interest in a romance game.)

under the cut! around 2k words

Characters if you don't know my OCs by now. Info is on here: https://toyhou.se/alli_ens/characters

Abel- human nun guy

Micah- Angel guy

pardon if the formatting is fucked I was braindead writing this !

---

m” Abel, I’m not sure if I really want to bring this up, but you were a nun, weren’t you?”

a” hm? Yeah, I was. What about it?”

m” Not long after we met, you told me you would show me your “little nun outfit”. I'm somewhat curious.”

a”Oh, have you been thinking about it the whole time? Sure, I’ll go put it on."

m”ah, alright."

(Abel steps out to change. Even though it’s a simple costume, it still takes him twice as long as anyone else would. Micah doesn’t know what convinced him to ask to see in the first place, but now the suspense is bothering him)

a”Ready! Well, what do you think?”

( Abel is dressed in the full outfit, the long dress and habit. Of course, he's added heels to the ensemble. Though he's fully covered, something about the way the long, black skirt clinging to his form- is getting to Micah. He’d never once considered the outfit attractive on anyone else, but on Abel, he’s spellbound.)

m”ah, oddly, it suits you. Though, I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to see this, somehow."

a”hoho, does that excite you?"

m”...I can’t say it doesn’t."

a” Is blasphemy even possible for you?"

m” (getting increasingly flustered) Not like this. At least, I think so. Perhaps it’s just offensive to those who pray to us? Ah. It's a strange feeling. "

a” hmhm, interesting. Are you going to confess to God after this?"

m”...I think I will. "

a”Great! Let's give you more to tell him about. "

(Abel gracefully kneels in front of Micah, neatly tucking the fabric of his skirt beneath him. With an all too charming smile, He clasps his bare, scarred hands together in prayer, looking up at Micah from the ground.

Abel starts some kind of prayer. Micah considers himself a great listener, but in this case, it’s proving too difficult. If he were to be honest, he’d admit to having no idea what Abel was saying. He’s probably saying something obscene. His mind is far too occupied with the image of Abel gazing up at him with even feigned reverence to even consider his words. )

a”....And finally, I thank you, Holy Father, for delivering unto me my absolutely hopeless boyfriend, who hasn’t listened to a word I’ve said. Amen”

m”oh, I was listening, really.”

a”Suuuuuuuuuuure. Apologize to God for lying as well when you talk to him. From this angle, I can see you’re a bit preoccupied~" (He reaches out and pokes Micah’s raging erection through his pants)

m”Abel, you’re toying with me. "

a” Not as much as I could be! Stay where you are. "

(Micah is perplexed for a moment, before Abel leans up slightly and unzips Micah’s fly with his teeth. Freeing Micah’s cock, Abel swiftly takes it into his mouth, his lips still in a smile. The scene was tempting enough before, but now, Micah can barely take it. It looks as though Abel is worshiping his body in place of god, Ah, it’s intoxicating.

While it’s nothing especially out of the ordinary for him, Abel can’t help the arousal from acting disgraceful in a nun outfit, especially with a hopelessly pious man like Micah. And seeing him so into it as well, like he’s corrupted him, an accomplice in blasphemy! It’s just too much fun. Making sure Micah can see, Abel bunches up his skirt around his waist, stroking his own cock as he sucks Micah’s. If it’s a show he wants, that’s what he’ll get. )

m”Ah- ah, Abel- It’s coming, please, don’t stop, ah-"

(Micah thrusts into Abel’s throat roughly, still watching Abel, frenzied as he watches his cock disappear into his mouth. Abel takes him to the hilt, moaning and gasping around him, pushing Micah over the edge, coming hard into Abel’s mouth loud and shameless.

Pulling away, Abel licks his tip, drinking up all of it. looking delighted, smiling at Micah with flushed cheeks, Micah thinks Abel looks beautiful. )

m”Ah, haah.. Thank you, that’s always incredible."

a” I bet it is. Enjoy the show?"

m”I did. whatever that says about me. "

a”hmhm, I like that. "

m” …Do you want me to return the favor?”

a”Oh? Yes, but I don’t think the nun outfit is your size or anything. "

m”I meant the sexual favor. not the outfit. "

a” Ooh. right. I’ll take that too! Haha, kneel down like I did then. "

( Abel stands as Micah hesitantly kneels before him. Still dizzy from pleasure, Micah fumbles with getting Abel's skirt out of the way, until Abel pulls up the hem like a curtsy, showing off his still hard cock. )

M” aah. I have no experience with this, so go easy on me. "

A” can I translate that as ‘wowww, you're so huge that I'm going to have trouble fitting it in my mouth’?"

M” no, you may not. "

(Micah, still hesitating and red in the face like he has a fever, first licks the tip. It's warm on his tongue. He tries licking down the shaft, getting used to it being so close to him. Looking down at Micah licking it so hesitantly, with his brows furrowed in concentration, Abel's having a bit too much fun. Gently but still suddenly, Abel thrusts his hips towards Micah, making it enter his mouth, muffling some kind of complaint from him. So cute.

Micah, once used to the size of it in his mouth (albeit quicker than he intended) tries to slowly take Abel deeper. He always deepthroats his so easily, surely it can't be that difficult?

It was, in fact, difficult. Micah has to release him to take a breath, gasping from his gag reflex. If it was anyone else doing it, this would have been in Abel's top 10 worst blowjobs he'd received, but the fact it's someone as uptight and inexperienced as Micah- who's working so hard to please him, means it's even more exciting like this. )

A- "careful, you have to work up to that, obviously. Suck it harder, you won't hurt me."

(Micah, with his pride wounded, tries sucking, holding the base of Abel’s cock to stop himself taking too much in. Finally, it's feeling good instead of being slowly torturous.

Precum starts forming at the tip. Wait. What? Why is he so bitter and salty? It's weird. He doesn't really enjoy the taste. In fact,he expected something better.Micah releases him, looking confused.)

M” Abel. Why is the taste so bitter, are you cursed there, too?”

(Abel can't help laughing uncontrollably)

A” that's normal for humans! God, only angels have sugary nectar or whatever coming out! Since ours actually has a biological purpose.Back to it. "

( Micah looks up with a puzzled, embarrassed expression, and resumes. Getting used to the bitter,salty taste, it's actually kind of addictive. Abel's got nothing sweet about him anyway, so this makes sense, regardless of the culture shock. Sucking harder and taking him a bit deeper, Abel starts moaning softly, and throbbing within Micah’s mouth. )

A” aaah, Micah- I'm close, stop if you don't want a facial, haah-"

(Micah doesn't stop, he wants it. He keeps going until Abel's further losing himself to the pleasure)

A” Micah! Really I mean it, aaahhh, you can stop - I'm coming, come on, aah,hah!"

( Micah stays put, he wants to see this through. Abels fingers tangle in the back of Micah's hair as he climaxes, moaning and panting roughly. Even with the warning, Abel's cum fills Micah's mouth a lot more deeply than he expected, the overwhelming taste sinking into his brain. In this sole moment, Micah understands what incubi are after. Unsure what else to do,Micah swallows with Abel still in his mouth, wincing slightly at the intensity of it. Releasing Abel, he licks his lips to not make a mess, and looks up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. Oh. He never looks this red.)

A "Micah?? Aaah. You. You swallowed it. Haha.. "

M( with a more hoarse voice than he expected)" is that not alright?"

A "it's alright but- hahahh. It's really slutty.. you're really slutty to swallow on your first time. Aaahhh. God."

M"you really have to stop saying that about me, haah... I'll swallow it next time too, if it gets you flustered like this. "

A"you're going to kill me at this rate. And here I thought I could see your pretty little face dripping with cum, so sad."

M” Ah, I'd really rather swallow it than that."

A” you don't see why I'd like to see it? You don't enjoy seeing yours dripping off my face? "

M” fine, I understand where you're coming from. "

A” you admit it!”

(Abel kneels back on the floor with Micah, both of them breathing heavily. Wordlessly, Abel cups his hand around Micah’s cheek, looking into his eyes. It's not often Abel gets like this, Micah can only assume it's some sense of him being loving or bashful, but he could never be sure if that was the truth, or just wishful thinking. Whatever it was, he's really cute acting like this. Times like this remind Micah why he is so hopelessly in love with him. Micah kisses him sweetly, he can't help it)

A” mmn, what?"

M” nothing, I just wanted to."

A” oh, here I thought you were going to ask for another round, haha."

M” I wasn't. ( he buries his face in the small of Abel’s neck.) I guess I'm not opposed to more, though."

A”hah, you never really get tired, do you? Fine by me. You can call the shots tonight."

M” ah, alright. Stay as you are."

(Micah kisses Abel while pushing him down to the ground by the shoulders. He didn't want to wait to move to the bed. Still kissing passionately, Micah’s hands travel across Abel’s clothed body, loosening his familiar collar, kissing beneath it hungrily. It would be a shame to take the outfit off though, he thinks. Unfastening it at the front, he leaves it on, instead pulling the hem of the skirt up around Abel’s thighs. )

A” heh, you really do like the dress, don't you? "

M” yes, since you're the one wearing it."

( Abel has no answer to that.

Micah pushes Abel’s legs open, fingering him with two fingers from the get-go, scissoring them open. Abel whines and gasps, his lithe body trembling, the dress cascading around his exposed cock. Abel wants to rile Micah up a bit more.)

A” aahh- no- I'm a servant of God, aa~hn, I mustn't! What if the other sisters find out? "

( Micah stops moving briefly, but understands what Abel is aiming for.)

M "God isn't watching, we're all alone.( he pauses, before shoving Abel’s thighs apart further and lining up his cock) and He can't stop me."

A '' then, haah, O Father, forgive me! Forgiv- HaaAah! "

( Micah thrusts into Abel, slamming him into the ground with each movement. Groping at his cool skin beneath the folds of his skirt, he can't get enough of him. Taking the waist tie from the dress, Micah stops briefly and binds Abel's wrists together above his head, the unfastened fabric falling off his body, framing it.

Against the floor and under Micah’s control, Abel feels incredible. Swinging his legs around Micah’s waist to pull him into him deeper, bringing his bound hands around Micah's neck. Trying to kiss him, yet moaning too much to do it properly.)

M” (whispering into Abel’s ear) you belong to me now, not to the God you have forsaken. You're all mine. "

( his words go straight to Abel’s dick, now about to come)

A” aahh-ahh, Micah- Ah!"

M” Abel.. haah, come with me, now."

( Thrusting hard into Abel as he comes, Micah moans into his shoulder, sinking his teeth in, hard enough to draw blood. Funny, that tastes strange, too. Licking it up, Micah pumps Abel's cock as he comes, triggering release for both of them. Thrashing around, Abel manages to free his wrists, throwing his arms around Micah's shoulders, passionately kissing him amongst moans and gasps. Filling up with a sweet warmth, tremors shake through Abel’s body, coming onto Micah’s stomach, and the fabric of his dress. )

(The two collapse side by side on the ground, their labored breathing seeming to echo through the apartment. Rolling to face him, Micah kisses Abel softly. )

M”you know I would rather make love to you than the characters you make up, right?

A” shut up, you were really into that. "

M” haah, maybe.”

A” well, we're not going again. ( he winces, moving his body) That floor hurt you know! "

M” since when has pain actually bothered you?"

A” touchē. Whatever, be good and carry me to the bed, will you?"

M” of course. "

( Micah scoops up Abel gently and carries him. Micah places him on the bed, moving his fringe aside to kiss him softly, then turning- before Abel grabs his wrist to stop him leaving. )

A” wherever you’re going… it can wait. I want you here. "

(Micah can barely believe his ears, so he silently obliges, getting under the covers. Abel turns and holds him, his face buried into his chest)

M” I love you too, Abel."

A” fuck off. Go to sleep. "

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THANK YOU FOR READING... PLS TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK... UNLESS YOU THINK ITS CRINGE... BECAUSE IM NEW TO WRITING OF COURSE IT IS CRINGE !! IM FREE !!! BUT TELL ME ANYTHING ELSE 💖

#writing #ocs #abel oc #micah oc #IDK HOW TO WRITE IM TRYING SO HARD GUYS #i have another fic that i dont think im brave enough to post. a micah uke fic for fun. imagine that in ur brain until i am more brave

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