#idk man i want it to be somewhere i can share i guess. this one doesn't go into the void

[prismatoxic]

this is going to be a very long and very personal post, but i've been thinking about it for a while. it's about my old FP i mention sometimes.

it's almost 4k words long, so. be prepared for that.

i got this question on retrospring a few days after paris blew up on me.

it is a very innocuous message. probably from a friend, maybe from a stranger; i won't know unless they tell me. it's the last question i ever answered on retrospring, though i have gotten harassment since that i did not answer, forcing me to shut off anonymous messages.

the exact timestamp is Sunday, May 29th. the last time paris messaged me was Tuesday, May 24th. i had to go into our old server to find that date. i don't have a good memory, but i also hate to look at anything from their old account. so, the message on retrospring: a seemingly insignificant event, but dated so close to the breakdown that is serves as a much more accessible reminder of how long it's been.

"about 1 year ago" is the immediately visible timestamp on the message.

2 years ago, paris was my best friend.

though, thinking about it, maybe that isn't true. it isn't what i called them. mikee is my best friend, and i consider jesse to be there as well. i have never wanted to dethrone them from that spot. that term is special to me. (see, now, why my earlier post mocked myself wanting to be everyone's best friend? i won't even use the title for more than 2 people.)

no, i called paris my "queerplatonic partner" or my "platonic soulmate". qpp, usually. in hindsight it is so blatantly clear that i was obsessed, that i was attached in such an unhealthy way; i did not recognize myself as having BPD at the time. so, in the end, paris was not my qpp, nor any manner of soulmate. they were my "FP", or Favorite Person: a BPD term i would say is akin to "hyperfixation", but on someone you personally know.

i don't want to openly pass judgement on paris here, because that's not why i'm writing this. they're long gone and goading people to be as upset as i am serves no purpose. however, i will say this: they encouraged my behavior. my obsession. i believed, in a sense, that the pedestal i had put them on was in some way parallel to the one they had me on.

there was no pedestal under me, though.

paris and i met sometime in September of 2020. potentially on the 15th, as that is when i created our roleplay server. it was in a proship fandom server for a website i used to moderate. (i don't know if that site is ever going to manage to get finished, now, but i still have hope.) having just gotten very into souyo, i was hunting for roleplay partners, and said as much in some channel or another. paris, at the time, was playing P4G for the very first time. we got to talking. i made our roleplay server, and for two years, we would only ever talk therein.

today, there are 77 threads in that server for different roleplay plots. some are very long; others, very short. i was (and am) unable to focus on any one thing for any real length of time, but paris was accommodating. they were happy to do new plots as i came up with them, and they pitched their own from time to time. most of them are souyo; a handful are for our bancho triplet au; there are some akeshus, and one or two banpegos. we came up with a lot of ideas. a lot of aus. sometimes we'd redo an idea; sometimes we'd branch off from something we'd done before.

we roleplayed every day. i knew their schedule and they knew mine. our responses were quick and snappy, and if we couldn't keep up, we'd talk about it. we talked A LOT. very rarely on the phone or VC, usually in text. they do not live in the US, but we exchanged numbers anyway. we talked so much and so often that it drowned a lot of my other relationships out; i can be very single-minded in my obsessions. i almost lost several people.

i almost lost the love of my life.

in the summer of 2021, paris was taking a trip to the united states to get vaccinated for Covid, and they made plans to stop and see multiple people. in between other plans, they made just enough time to see me for 3 days. they were seeing their older friends for much longer, but i didn't question it, i didn't worry. i was so sure that i was so special to paris. i trusted them so much that the fact that they refused to allow me to interact with their core friend group just bounced right off of me.

in retrospect? ouch.

the visit was fine. paris finally convinced me that i was allowed to be disabled, that i was allowed to rely on support like the electric carts at stores and stuff. they had clashed with devot in the past, but the two of them got along fine for the visit. i was so thrilled; my two most important people, getting along? what could be better? the three of us had lunch and went to ikea. then i hung out at paris's hotel the other two days.

even when they were visiting their other friends, we were talking near-constantly. at some point, my obsession reached a very unfortunate peak, and i decided that if i was that obsessed, clearly i was in love with them. they were (and are, presumably) polyamorous, and i thought maybe i was too.

this isn't a part i want to talk about very much, because it's humiliating and painful. i tried to negotiate an open relationship with devot, and as a result, i almost lost him entirely. it was a very hard time for us, and it made me realize that i loved him way more than i could ever love someone else, even paris. if pursuing paris meant i would lose devot, then i simply wouldn't pursue paris.

paris knew my intentions and knew my ultimate decision. however that made them feel, i can't say. i don't know.

you see, towards the tail end of their trip, they suffered a familial tragedy and their return home was delayed. (or maybe they did make it home, but not for very long? my memory is fuzzy and i absolutely do not want to comb through our server to find it.) their family was in the US and that's where they needed to be for a while. i don't want to go into more detail than that; it was a very personal time for them. we did not talk a lot during it. they said, "i can't carry you right now".

maybe that was a clue as to how they viewed our relationship. i don't know. i assured them i wasn't asking for that, that i could carry them, but all the same they needed their space and i gave it to them. i had permission to send messages with the understanding that there would be no response, so i did.

in lamenting my mental state during all this, jesse (you may recall him being a best friend) suggested to me that maybe i possibly, perhaps, had BPD. he explained it to me and may have also directed me to some sources. it was eye-opening. it forced me to confront my actions and alter my behavior in ways i never realized i needed to do. in terms of paris, however, it came too little, too late.

this part of the story i have told before; i mean, i've told it all before, but i think i was more descriptive at this point. as paris recovered from the tragedy and began returning to normal life, they did so increasingly without me.

conversations in our server were short and uneventful. they were not up to roleplay, which i understood; i searched for other ways for us to connect.

they abandoned their persona 4 twitter and made a new one. they claimed persona 4 had become a trigger. i don't know why, and they never explained. it seemed that the biggest connection we had was now in the past, but i was so deeply, wholeheartedly invested in our relationship that i didn't let it get me down... too much.

the thing about the decline of our relationship is that it was not all at once. it was an accumulation of things, increasingly large signs that they were done with me. the persona 4 abandonment was one of those signs. another, how they were publicly interacting with their older friends, but no longer with me. yet another; they got into no man's sky, but when i finally got my hands on a copy to play with them, they stopped playing. or maybe they just stopped posting about it.

they did not post in our server unless i prompted them first. they did speak in our server with our mutual friend priam, but... just to talk to priam. ask them for advice on the french language, mostly, for a novel they had started to write. anything i said was quickly glossed over (not by priam, though; priam and i are still friends and i love him dearly).

this went on for 7 months.

i know that figure because just before i purged my vent twitter, i went back to the very first post i'd made about the situation. i posted a lot about it... almost every day. i also cried almost every day. i was trying to take it in stride, at least publicly, but in private i was falling apart. paris, who used to like every post on my vent twitter to let me know they were reading them, had stopped doing so. they also never asked me about any of the posts, which they used to do. at some point i figured they had most likely muted my account.

it doesn't feel like it was 7 months. it feels like it was much shorter. how could i have been in so much emotional pain for 7 whole months? i know i was hiding it from everyone as best i could, i didn't even tell my therapist; how could i have done so for so long? but my vent twitter proved the timeline. 7 months.

devot's not blind, of course. he knew something was up. i very rarely told him anything about paris, a point of contention between us. i knew he didn't like them. i didn't want to make it worse. however, i am nothing if not a paper-thin pane of glass when it comes to the phrase, "are you okay?", and eventually i had to tell him why i was so depressed.

he didn't know how to help. the only thing he could do was provide me with the matches; i had to burn the bridge myself.

he told me, early on in my relationship with paris, that they had told him something. (i didn't know they'd spoken outside of my personal server at all.) they told him that my obsession with them wouldn't last, that eventually i would find another interest and move on.

it was a gut-punch. our relationship meant everything to me, but they only saw me as an obsessed little fanboy, at least at the time. and it felt ironic, because they had moved on from me, not the other way around.

paris was (and presumably is) very serious about the privacy of 1 on 1 conversations. they never ever divulged things that happened between them and someone else that seemed in any way "personal." they expected this of others, as well; they told devot what they said in confidence. of course, his loyalties lie with me and absolutely not with them, so he told me anyway.

now, let's step back, for a moment. i want to try and paint a picture of what it was like being in my shoes.

i trusted paris. everything they had ever said to me was taken at face-value and believed. they had proven to me (or so i thought) that they always spoke their mind, were honest, and cared about me very deeply. i trusted them to tell me if something was wrong. in those 7 months, i asked them directly if anything was bad between us. they assured me we were fine. all the while, i knew they were hanging out with their older (real?) friends and generally ignoring me. i knew they had come to loathe the media that brought us together. i knew that they didn't want to play games with me, even their supposed favorite game.

i knew that they were shutting me out.

but paris never communicated this. they were visibly moving on without me, but i trusted them so much that i willfully turned a blind eye to it, waiting for the day they'd be "ready" to talk to me again. then devot told me about what they'd said, and finally, i started to split.

splitting is another BPD term, though it has its uses in general psychology as well. it is primarily a defense mechanism, mostly against The Big BPD Fear, abandonment. splitting is to see a situation and black and white and take a side. there was no longer nuance to the situation; there was paris is my friend, or paris is my enemy.

i was reluctant to let it happen. i resisted it. splitting and my natural empathy are extremely at odds with one another; i tried to convince my brain that paris was still my friend, that there were reasons for all of this. these were conscious thoughts, but the split was not a conscious choice.

i resented paris. either they apologized to me, and fixed things, or they didn't and that was that, it was over. very new to the concept that these were unproductive thoughts, i didn't know how to combat them.

i made a tweet on my vent twitter.

as i said earlier, i had come to assume that paris had simply muted my vent twitter; they had gone through so much, clearly they couldn't carry me, as they said... so i made a vague tweet that wasn't really vague, assuming they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

to paraphrase, as the tweet no longer exists: "you said once that i would get bored of you and move on, but you're the one who moved on from me"

they had not muted my twitter, they were just ignoring it. i know this because they finally messaged me first, and it was about that tweet.

the first volley of messages, sent in our roleplay server, was very clipped but mostly civil. they were disappointed in me for resorting to such a low tactic as to post a passive aggressive tweet instead of coming to them about my concerns.

(i had been having no luck getting them to talk to me; our last exchange in that server was nearly a month prior and lasted about 6 messages. perhaps you can imagine why i didn't think taking my concerns to them would work.)

i was not present when they sent these messages, and didn't get to say anything before they left the server. i did return to my computer not long after, however, and realized, with equal parts regret and relief, that it was over.

then they dm'd me, something they had not done since we very first started talking.

the dms were vicious. they had only gotten angrier after sending the first wave of messages and wanted me to know. devot had betrayed them by telling me what they said, and i betrayed them by repeating it on my vent.

i watched each message roll in, one after the other, numb. i considered replying. i never did.

they called me selfish. hungry for attention. everything was always about me. they said all that happened was they stopped initiating contact, and i had the nerve to claim it was abandonment? in the server, they said they expected me to tell them if i had an issue with them. in the dms, they professed to feelings they had never told me they had towards me.

they said they didn't know what they were even trying to accomplish, that i wouldn't even care. the messages stopped.

their twitter was abandoned; in time, their discord was as well. they never blocked me, simply... vanished. their friend list was wiped clean, their icon blacked out. i think it only didn't happen immediately because they needed to retract their presence from everything they modded and collaborated on. why not delete the discord? i don't know. i'll never know.

it's still there, black icon, no friends, no profile. our exchanges are intact. every other account i ever knew them to have is abandoned as well. if i had to guess, they don't go by "paris" anymore. they told me they had changed before, that "paris" was the longest-running identity they had. they loved being "paris". i'm sorry i ruined it, genuinely.

so, May 24th, 2022. a Tuesday; devot would have been off work. i don't remember if i cried. i think i was just sort of bitterly relieved. i think i said "good riddance" on my vent, after blocking their accounts.

that's the thing about defense mechanisms, i guess. they can work. yet, as time passed, the full weight of it all came bearing down on me. not just the end, but every part before it: the grief of it all, of losing paris, piece by piece until there was nothing left. them claiming that the "only thing" they had done was stop engaging with me first was laughable, but maybe to them, that really was the truth. i said it before: it was an accumulation of things. straws on the camel's back, you know how it goes.

it was never just about the roleplaying, or even the conversations. i tried so hard, for so long, to find something else we could do. i trusted them when they said we were fine. i trusted them when they told me they loved me. i trusted them in every way i could trust a person.

paris said once that they didn't believe in empathy. they said it was essentially "mind reading", that there was no way to know how another person was feeling, so how could you know you felt the same? hyper-empathetic, i stayed quiet. they were smarter than me, and more worldly than me; they probably knew better.

"about 1 year ago," says retrospring. i remember when it said only days. when it said a month. when it said 7 months. (that might be when i made my last post on the subject.)

shortly before that day, i finally told my therapist what was happening. it was my very last appointment with him; i'd been seeing him for 4 years. he was moving onto a private practice and could no longer take my insurance.

i said it had all began about a year after paris and i met, and he posited a theory: perhaps it was the honeymoon phase. those tend to last about a year, he said. maybe they had simply gotten bored. he did not say it unkindly (he was very good at his job, and i trusted him very much), but it did strike a chord in me. i thought maybe it was too simple an explanation, though, and after all, we were qpps. how could they just get bored?

i don't think we were qpps at that point. (arguably, we never were, but as a label we shared, i think they had agreed on it at least for a while.)

the explosion a scant few days later did not feel like boredom, it felt like vitriol. like resentment. it felt like they had wanted to say those things for a long time. but it had been 7 months since the possible end of this "honeymoon phase," so maybe. i guess i'll never know.

i have become very bad at keeping up with roleplay. even if it's the same short style, or even if they let me switch between ideas constantly. even if it's souyo. even if they're my friend. even if i'm having a great time. at some point, the mental block rises up, and even though i'm not thinking about paris, i know that's where it came from. devot is the only one largely immune to this effect; we still roleplay constantly, though i do at times fall into slumps even so.

i keep trying; i love to roleplay. it's my favorite hobby. but every time i try, it stops dead by my own hand. even if i'm actively trying to prevent it.

...but otherwise, i think i'm doing better.

my approach to relationships is different. i know what i'm capable of, if i get carried away. i'm careful, and i try to keep track of my emotions about a person. i also trust people a lot less, and fear abandonment a lot more, but i'm aware of it and trying to do something about it.

devot and i are doing much better; he doesn't have to compete with anyone anymore. i have a lot more time and emotional energy for him. i love him very much, and i'm so grateful he stuck with me. i'd be nowhere without him.

the roleplay server i made for myself and paris sits at the very bottom of my server list, tucked into a folder with the server we shared with priam. i don't want to lose the memories, but i never even look at them, so it probably doesn't matter either way. maybe someday i'll use some of those old ideas. i already did, with one; one of our roleplays was the basis for my oc nate, who i made well after paris was gone.

i do not ever want to see or speak to paris again. luckily, the feeling is most certainly mutual.

tomorrow, in about 12 hours, i will be speaking to my new therapist. he is the second i have had since the one i had for 4 years, and the first since then that i actually think i mesh well with. i think i'll tell him all of this. hell, i might even read the post to him. we'll see.

is there a point to all of this? kind of. mostly it's for me, a retrospective of what happened. it's also just informative for the people closest to me who i have likely not told everything in this much detail. if you read it and get something out of it, that's great.

it's been "about 1 year," according to retrospring. i think i like that metric better than the exact timestamps of paris's final messages to me that discord gives. the era of "tox and paris" burned bright and burned hard, and died out very quickly. it's probably for the best. i am healing, and i don't know if i'd have ever gotten better if they kept me around. there is a long way to go, but... i have hope, honestly. i think i'll be okay.

#tox.txt #this is wildly personal i'm not kidding. you don't have to read it if you're not interested #it's about BPD and obsession and grief and i'm really only posting it publicly bc like... #idk man i want it to be somewhere i can share i guess. this one doesn't go into the void #tagging so i can find it later... #The Paris Saga

[inactivewattpadauthor]

Windwolf x Adopted Reader: Special Guest

Idk... ignoring all the other things I wrote on them, Nightwolf and Fujin would be great fathers. They can adopt me idc

Context: Nightwolf is already your guardian. He introduces you to Fujin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Headcanon Note

Fujin is pansexual. Nightwolf is demi-sexual.

This one is canon: Fujin likes sponge cake. Important fact, I promise.

Also canon but a lot of people imagine otherwise, Nightwolf is taller than Fujin. (6'4 to 5'10) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Normally, anyone would find the sun peeking through their light curtains pretty warming when they are in bed. Especially at this time of brunch.

But not you. You laid incorrectly in bed away from the sunlight with a blanket thrown over your head, mind possessed by the tablet device that was gifted to you by your caretaker.

When you first received it, you were rather surprised to hear it did belong to him as he may or may not have been a hacker when he was younger. He definitely didn't seem like the type.

What sucks is he refuses to teach you anything in that genre, so now whenever you play some game and a bot you call a teammate throws, they get away with it.

You didn't care too much anymore since your gaming drive died down a little. You were mostly on your tablet for a while to scroll through the media and read cheesy things that you know you'd be damned if Nightwolf discovers it.

"Y/n?" You hear him knock at your door gently.

"Yeah?" Your attention was provoked from the screen, and you stopped kicking your feet in the air to see what your savior wants.

Opening the door, he peeks in to observe you for a bit. You can see the man has gone somewhere earlier this morning, hence by his usual red war paint around his eyes. Guess you just didn't hear him go out since technology keeps wasting your senses, with a bit of sleep deprivation, but you weren't doing much to fix that.

"Good morning." Nightwolf says, seeing you shielding yourself from the day with your covers. "Sleep well?"

Glancing up at him, you just shrug.

"You didn't sleep yet, did you?" He sighs.

"Nope."

"Right. Anyways, there's someone I want you to meet." Nightwolf tells you.

Your face already sulked. New people? Disgusting. "Can you tell them I just said hi?"

Nightwolf sighs and opens the door more, leaning against the frame. "No, Y/n. I know you aren't one to be around people, let alone meet, but it's someone special to me."

His explanation somewhat connected with you, but you didn't fold quite yet.

"Please? Just this once. I don't ask you for much, but it would mean a lot if you did."

Gods, it's true. You'd feel like more of a shitty person if you reject his request like you do most of the time.

Sighing, you turned off your tablet and set it aside. Removing the blanket from your messy hair, you sat up. "Fine. Just give me a moment."

The strong warrior smiles at your acceptance and thanks you before closing the door and giving you the time you need to fix yourself up.

When you stepped out your safe space, you refer to as your room, Nightwolf waited for you, offering his hand. Without thinking much, you took it despite feeling too old to hold hands with someone as a parent. But, not admittedly, you just feel safe with Nightwolf.

"Be aware, they are much more outgoing than you, and I did tell them you're rather shy. I still hope you could get along, though. I think you'd like them." Nightwolf shares.

You only were thinking on who it is. Maybe someone from his tribe? A girl, maybe? You didn't care for a mother figure as long as she didn't coddle too much.

Your father figure brings you to the living room, and let's go of your hand. You stand a bit awkward as you examine who the guest is.

It was a man. What catches you off guard is his glowing eyes. It's not the most abnormal thing you've seen. You'd ask Nightwolf to summon his animals so you could play with them. But you weren't really expecting someone that barely has visible pupils.

He also has a tattoo in his shoulder that glows up as well, which was pretty cool to see. But his eyes... you really should stop being into creepypasta.

"Fujin. This is Y/n. I... saved her from the Black Dragon." (mm lore) Nightwolf presents you, placing comforting hands on your shoulders. "And, Y/n, this is Lord Fujin. He's a close friend of mine."

A lord, huh? That explains the eyes.

Fujin walks to you two, with a very friendly smile. "Why, hello, Y/n! Nightwolf has spoken of you a lot! I'm very pleased to finally meet you." He extends a hand.

There wasn't much you had to say, but you hesitantly took his hand, shaking it. "Thanks... Nice to meet you, too... Lord Fujin- oh!"

You get pulled into a sudden embrace, but you didn't respond negatively to it. You glanced back at Grey Cloud, and he was rather unexpected of it, too. However, you knew the god didn't mean harm. He's just happy to meet someone close to his dear Nightwolf.

"You can just call me Fujin, little one. We are both close ones of Nightwolf, are we not?" He pulls away and pats your back, looking down at you with such a comforting aura.

"Right." You look away, getting flustered.

Nightwolf finally steps in and leads Fujin to the kitchen. "Care for any tea?" You could hear him ask as they both go to another room. You take the chance to scramble back to your room and process what just happened.

---Hour Time Skip brought to you by... idk Geras wearing weave or smth---

An hour gone by, and you could hear chatting at the front door. You open your door to take a peek. It appears Fujin was about to leave.

Contrary to what you thought earlier about meeting new people, the white-haired man was quite interesting to you.

Turning around and spotting you, Nightwolf gestures silently for you to come and say bye to the special guest. You listen and approach them, still looking at Fujin.

"It was nice meeting you again, Y/n," Fujin bows to you. "Maybe next time I come by, we can spend time together! I can bring you a gift too- do you like clouds? Or sponge cake?"

Wow, he's very energetic for you. You look at Nightwolf for some type of guidance.

"It's up to you." The shaman says. "You can trust him."

"I'm okay with whatever you give me... or if you want to hang out a little, I guess." You shrug.

"Great!" Fujin then looks at Grey. "I'll see you soon when I break from my duties again."

Thoughts began brewing your mind as you noticed the change of tone in Fujin's voice, and the very sincere look he gives  Nightwolf. Especially the hand placement on the shoulder, your caretaker's hand placing over that one.

Fujin left, and you stood with Nightwolf trying to process things. "'Close friend', huh?" You say with sarcasm, raising your eyebrow at the tall man.

Nightwolf sighs, yet nods. "Indeed. 'Close friend.'" ~~~~~~~~~~~~

#mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #mk imagine #mortal kombat imagines #mk headcanons #mortal kombat headcanons #fujin #lord fujin #nightwolf #nightwolf x reader #windwolf #fujin x reader #goddesswritings

[mutable-manifestation]

Summer Vacation Summoning Shenanigans 2

idk when the batcave gets a Laz pit but the answer here is ‘not yet’ bc reasons

***

By the time Danny’s duplicate returns to him, Robin has finished - very thoroughly - tying up his captive ninja. And was now staring him down.

Red had moved to texting someone after ensuring Danny was belted in and putting the plane on some kind of autopilot - which, very cool.

He hadn’t been bored, though, looking over the plane interior with glee. 

While the exterior design was…a bit much, the inside was sleek and high-tech. It was no rocketship, but going over which controls were similar and which differed and trying to guess what they all did was plenty entertaining.

He was less than half-way through them when he re-merged with his duplicate. 

Luckily, Red and Robin were still occupied by that point, giving him time to focus on sifting through the memories.

He tries to stifle his laughter, disguising an escaped snort by pretending to cough into his fist.

Red apparently chooses that moment to be done with his phone (and damn, he sent some poor sob a book).

“Sorry about that; I had to update Batman.”

Danny let himself laugh at that.

“Bat-man? Not, like, Birdman or something?”

“Nope, the bat himself. Speaking of which; I was hoping you’d be willing to answer some questions?”

Robin chose that moment to plop into the seat next to Danny, who looked at him in askance.

“His vitals have stabilized; the tranquilizer has fully kicked in. There is no more need to worry about a surprise escape; by the time he awakes we will be back in Gotham.”

Danny hummed.

“So like, are you just dropping him off first? Or was the ‘taking me home’ thing a play on words that actually just meant ‘kidnapping me take 2: electric boogaloo?’ I mean, you don’t even know where I live; my place could be closer to here than to Gotham.”

“Your accent resembles nothing of Nanda Parbat,” Robin says.

Red picks up after him. 

“No, no, we’re taking you back to your home,” he clarifies, shaking his head and x-ing his arms. “You’re from somewhere in the mid-western United States, right? Gotham is the first US city we’d hit flying this path.”

“Illinois,” he answers, squinting in thought as he searches his memory for a ‘Gotham’ or a ‘Nanda Parbat,’ which, ha, ‘Par-bat.’ “I take it we’re somewhere in, like, Europe or something?”

The Robins share a look.

“Where is the last place you remember being before you were kidnapped?” Red asks.

“Illinois,” Danny shrugs, settling back in his seat. “Anyway, you can just drop me near Chicago or something and I’ll take it from there.”

Red huffs a laugh. “No need for that. I gave Batman your name and description; he’ll have coordinates to where you need to go in no time.”

“Well, that’s…” ‘Inconvenient,’ he thinks to himself, hoping for the first time that this is actually a different universe so he doesn’t have to come up with an explanation to cover for how he somehow ended up abroad without including the whole ‘being summoned’ thing.

The last thing he needs is to give them a reason to put him through the Ghost Catcher.

“...nice,” he settles on. Unconvincingly.

“Do you know why you were taken?” Robin presses.

Danny opens his mouth to answer, but pauses.

“Yep!” he concludes, eyes crinkling with his smile. “I’ll even answer that question if you answer one of mine first.”

The smaller Robin narrows his eyes suspiciously, Red asking “What question?”

He turns away from Normal Robin to look at Red Robin.

“What’s up with the ‘flying things’ theme?”

Red slow blinks, Danny can practically hear the dial-up noise.

He was probably expecting worse in exchange for ‘hey what does the murder club want?’

The smaller Robin answers while he is collecting himself.

“The Robin title is inherited, passed down from the first. It is a reference to the costume colors. Batman chose his name and costume as a symbol of fear, to intimidate the criminals of Gotham.”

“Oooooh, so it’s like a gang thing!”

Red Robin makes a choking noise.

“What!? NO! I- that- we’re heroes! Batman is a founding member of the Justice League!” He manages, face painted in disbelief. 

Robin, for his part, remains silent - though a brief glance out of the corner of his eyes reveals a pinched expression.

“Oh, right,” he nods along, deciding he is definitely not still in the same universe. Sweet, no worries about hiding the ghost powers then, especially since heroes were apparently enough of a thing to have some kind of support group or something.

“So does that mean you have bird-powers?”

“No,” Robin says. “And you haven’t answered my question yet.”

“Ah, right, Ra’s’ thing. He said he was trying to summon the ‘Lord of the Dead,’” Danny does air quotes along with the far-too-pretentious-title. Honestly, ‘Ghost King’ was bad enough.

“The ‘Lord of the Dead?’” Red echoes. “Summon? As in, with circles and blood-sacrifices and magic.”

“Yep,” Danny pops the p. “I wouldn’t worry too much though. He’ll probably be distracted trying to un-kidnap this guy and deal with whatever had his other guys running around like chickens with their heads cut off for a while yet.”

---------------------

Tim had left a call open to the batcave so the rest could listen in, and after Danny’s incredibly alarming answers about Ra’s’ current goal it was no doubt exploding with texts and suggestions in the groupchat. Good thing he muted it fully.

He feels a bit bad interrogating the guy, but time and memory don’t go well together. People often dismiss as unimportant things that are actually the key to breaking a case; the more thorough their questions, the more likely they prompted a memory that would give them the answers they needed.

Unfortunately, Danny didn’t seem to know much.

“Did Ra’s say anything about who this ‘Lord of the Dead’ is? Or why they were trying to summon him?”

“Nope!” Danny smiled. “Nothing about - who aside from the title, of course - or why, just that they did want to summon him. If you guys don’t have bird powers, what powers do you have?”

“We are not enhanced beyond what the average healthy human could achieve, though we are all highly trained in combat - some more than others - and skilled in detective work. We rely on skill, research, and preparation.”

And on and on; Danny giving uninformative answers then asking a question for each they’d asked on their ‘turn,’ and them giving carefully vague answers of their own.

One consolation is that he didn’t seem bored. 

For someone who claimed to have woken up less than an hour ago on the wrong side of the planet he’s just…relaxed. Calm. Seemingly unaffected, down to his microexpressions.

No signs of shock.

Of course, he’d treated the Lazarus Pit as a kiddie pool. 

And despite his words, he’d shown no recognition at the mention of the Justice League, and around half of his questions thus far had been about them.

Clearly something was up with him; whatever it was would probably explain the self-assurance.

He’d escaped from the League before they’d even known he was kidnapped, afterall. Tim and Damian really only solved the final hurdle for him. Even with most of LoA distracted with something, it was still impressive that he’d manage to slip whatever restraints and guard they’d undoubtedly had him under.

Which is, of course, when Damian asks.

“How did you manage to escape?”

Danny shrugs.

“Have you ever seen that thing that coyotes do where they get their leg stuck in a beartrap or something and they gnaw it off to escape?” he says, expression unmoved.

“You are a meta, then,” Damian concludes while Tim just stares at Danny in horror.

At that, Danny’s expression changes. 

“A what?” he squints, uncomprehending.

“A meta - or metahuman - is someone with a meta-gene, which grants them superpowers. Like how Flash is so fast: that’s his meta ability,” Tim says. “You still had all your limbs when you…dove into-”

“Wait, wait, back up,” Danny interrupts. “To be clear: I did not gnaw off a limb. That was meant to be a joke. So Flash is a ‘meta.’ Is that, like, common?”

Tim was beginning to suspect this guy either had memory loss, was an unlucky alien who only landed recently - just in time to get kidnapped by the League of Assholes - or was just really sheltered.

He’d also suspect some kind of Pit demon, given where and how they found him, but he has so far been nothing but polite and cooperative - if a bit…chaotic. In terms of questions he’s asked.

“I’m kind of surprised they bothered to form a group if there are so few people with powers,” Danny mused after Damian filled him in on the statistics. “Especially if most of them are as minor as you said.”

“Even just one person with strong powers can spell disaster if left unchecked - the League aids response times in that regard. Besides, it’s not like metas are all there is to pay attention to - there are plenty of villains without meta abilities, intergalactic politics to deal with-”

“Intergalactic? Are you guys doing things in space!?”

Danny was suddenly very close, nose just a hair's breadth from touching Tim’s own.

He swallows quietly.

“Ah, occasionally? G-green Lantern is. A Green Lantern. They’re basically space cops, so that’s…more his thing. Though a previous Robin did have to deal with a Gordanian-Tamaranean conflict affecting a Tamaranean ally - Starfire.”

Danny leans away - just a bit - as he speaks, seemingly basking in the information like a cat in a sunbeam.

“You’re allies with an alien? Ancients,” he breathes. “There are aliens. So cool.”

“Tch, of course there are. I already informed you of Superman,” Damian huffs, causing Danny to whip towards him.

“Superman is an alien!?”

They’d also mention Batman and Superman being close allies, which apparently inspired Danny to let loose the sea of questions he’d been holding back.

“What’s his species called? Is Superman a translation of his actual alien name? You never showed me a picture; does he look human or is he totally different? What’s his planet like? Have you been there? Is he comfortable in Earth’s atmosphere or does he have to use environment-adjusting equipment? Or is it well suited to him? Is that why he has powers, actually? Because the difference in planet allows him to thrive? Or are they an inherent trait in his species? What’s his culture like? You said Green Lantern was ‘A Green Lantern;’ is he an alien too? Or is that the space cops’ names? Are most space cops aliens? What about the Tamaranean person - Starfire? And the Gordanians? Where are they all from are they all from the Milky Way or are some extra-galactic do they allhaveenvironmentalneedssimilartoorlessthanhumanscantheysurviveinthevacuumofSPACE-”

---------------------

Once they get Danny to pause for breath - which takes an impressively long time - they promise to answer his questions with a gentle reminder that they’re supposed to take turns asking things.

If Danny was cooperative before, he’s downright eager now. He listens with near-religious awe to every answer they gave.

When it’s their turn to ask a question he becomes unnervingly still and stares with an intensity that has Tim half-concerned they’ll catch on fire for every second they aren’t talking - though luckily between himself and Damian the pauses are minimal.

His answers are both more detailed and more focused. 

If they ask if he saw any information about the summoning ritual, he only mentions catching a glimpse of ‘the summoning room.’ Asking what the room looked like nets a description of the columns’ styles and the general vibes, asking what things he saw in the room got them an exhaustive list, but if they wanted further detail they had to ask specifically about the item in question.

He had an awful lot of details for a guy who only ‘caught a glimpse.’

He also refused to give them details about what the circle looked like because ‘for all I know you could be lying about everything you’ve said so far and planning to use me in your own ritual as a sacrifice to summon the Lord of the Dead.’

He and Damian spend a few of their turns opening the internet on the batplane’s front window and showing him some articles and videos about themselves, Batman, Gotham, and the JL to get them to trust him.

He eventually says he’ll describe the circle to them if he can meet an alien. 

Appealing to his sense of self-preservation by explaining the information would increase their odds of stopping Ra’s does not help, nor does appealing to his sense of ‘helping others.’ 

It’s an introduction or the highway.

Not the worst outcome, given how many aliens they know.

The rest of the flight is spent like this.

---------------------

Danny is having quite possibly the best day of his half-life - and life, if he’s being honest.

Aliens! The universe he’s in has aliens! And he gets to meet one! Probably!

If Ra’s requests something that isn’t outright evil he’s honestly, genuinely considering granting it (in exchange for something, of course. Having a cool home universe is enough for maybe a deal, not for a freebie. Maybe he can ask for a regularly scheduled summoning to talk to the aliens? And all of the information Ra’s has and will ever have on aliens? Ooooh).

Not that he’s going to make it easy on him, of course.

And wow he is loving the information exchange with the Robins - they’re telling him about aliens and he just has to, what, describe a chandelier? A book? His opinion on the pool?

They ask a surprising number of questions about the pool. 

He gets twin dead-eyed stares when he asks if they’re thinking of installing a bird bath - yeah it cost him an alien question but there are only so many pool-related questions he can answer while ignoring the joke hanging right there. 

He had to.

When they finally land and exit into what looks like the inside of a high-tech barn, he can’t help but think they might just be sour that they didn’t think of it first.

“Not to be judgy, or anything, but I’m not really getting cave vibes here,” he comments as he descends the final step from plane to floor, looking up once he’s clear to watch the roof finish folding closed over their heads.

“Because this isn’t the cave,” an unfamiliar voice says, melting out of the shadows in a corner to reveal a purple-cloaked woman.

“Wait, let me guess: Purple Robin? Purple Bat? Peafowl?”

Purple snorts good-naturedly and shakes her head. 

“All good guesses, space cadet, but wayyy off base. It’s Spoiler, non-flying thing name haver extraordinaire.” She dips into a dramatic bow, eyes crinkled in what, even without her mouth visible, was obviously a grin.

“Ehhhh…” Danny tilts a hand side-to-side. “Spoilers can technically fly if you crash a car hard enough.”

“By that logic everything can be considered a flying thing,” Robin frowned.

“Well the Earth is hurtling through space at around half a million miles per hour chasing the sun through an endless void with no ‘ground’ in sight….”

“Well!” Red Robin ends the brief silence that had inspired. “We should probably head to the batcave, but for security reasons we can’t let you see how we get there-”

“Hey, does this smell funny to you?” Spoiler asks, holding up a bottle of what was almost definitely chloroform.

He can see Red and Robins’ mask eyes widening (somehow) and makes the split second decision to lean forward and take a deep breath of the bottle being held just high enough for him to stick his nose over it.

“Citrusy,” he says before pretending to fall unconscious.

***

*Timmy Turner’s Dad’s voice* “I’m respecting reality by acknowledging that chloroform doesn’t work like that but asserting my authority as The Author by making it work like that anyway”

Tags:

@bathildaburp, @cannibalisticphantom, @thegatorsgoose, @skulld3mort-1fan, @starmee-lodurrson, @jotaroslooseeyebrowhair, @sometimesthingsfallapart, @osnii, @coruscateselene, @jaytriesstuff, @seraphinedemort, @ver-444, @impulsiveasshole, @meira-3919, @apointlessbox, @gunebugfic, @starsblader4rise, @screamingtofillthevoid, @may-rbi, @tired-yet-awaken, @readerzj, @lazy-bouqet, @the-church-grimm, @astirdreaming, @bun-fish, @punderfulfandoms, @ispyblu, @phoenixdemonqueen, @cutelittlebeanie, @we-ezer, @treepainting, @jerithe, @all-eyes-no-dragon, @addie-lover-of-stories, @overtherose, @akavincent, @nappinginhell, @naluforever3, @icepopstar5105us, @itsloveleo, @spooky-fm

Sorry if I missed anybody anyway here's part 2!

#dpxdc #chaotic summoned-by-Ra's Danny #Tag interlude #idk much about Spoiler except she's purple and kinda chaotic and maybe set of a gang war by accident once #Also idk if there’s already something like the sensory interference helmet or not #but if there isn’t: yes there is. #(think the thing that prevents superman hearing batman’s heartbeat [idk if that’s canon or fanon either tbh] but like #a helmet #Fucks with just the person wearing it - vision [the obvious one] #but also noise is silenced except something like an internal gyroscope thingy that messes with sense of direction #Idk #I'm not a scientist #Just roll with it #long post

[kanmom51]

JK live 5 June 2023 7:03 am KST

Cr./ The creators of the media used in this post.

First thing first - we address the elephant in the room. JK cut his hair!

It's only a trim. Keep telling yourself that. Only a trim.

Breath in, breath out...

But I'm telling you, if he shows up soon with another "just a trim" I'm going to literally lose it. 😭😭

Now after we addressed that are we ok to move on? K?

This my peeps is a close to 2 hour live. I ain't gonna and can't talk about every single thing this man talked about. Not when JK was in such a chatty mood. Nope. No can do. In any case you should be running to watch this, cause the man is friggin adorable, and no matter how many times I say it or describe it, which I definitely will, it's no comparison to seeing him yourself.

JK is happy.

This is the second live we can see that figurative jump in his step.

The man is super chatty, sharing stuff that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't supposed to share (or another theory is that he's done this so his bf doesn't have to talk about that certain thing he promised us he will talk about in his next live...). He's also being an utter brat, and I am loving every single moment of it.

Figures.

I'm putting this here now.

Why, you ask?

Because you remember those Feb 2023 lives? You know, the ones where we felt something was off? When I said it looks like he was struggling, he's off quilter for lack of structure and support?

Well my friends, it looks like our JK is back. With his more or less set schedule. With his Jiminie by his side to be his anchor and his catalyst all in one.

Did I tell you yet how much I love this man?

shhhh, JK wants to set up a movie date with us. Don't tell the company about it though...

The whole conversation is happening but it's literally him just thinking out loud, hilarious.

JK brain power. That man is something so so special. The time and effort it took him to try to figure out what time he will be eating lunch when his dermatologist appointment is at 11 am and he has a workout straight after that. He's hilarious.

It was 1:30 pm. That's what his final result, btw, lol.

Mingyu and the Super dance challenge

I had a whole thing written in my vanishing post about Mingyu and how JK said he'd called him but that he's not serious. Speculating if this will ever come to pass.

Well, looks like JK decided to take things into his own hands now, didn't he?

JK caught him by surprise, so much so that Mingyu did the challenge in his socks. My guess is that JK is telling us all, including the higher ups, that doing this, dance challenges, is going to be on his terms. When he wants. Where he wants. With whoever he wants.

JK being JK

I love how JK tells it how it is.

He reads through the comments, says army is cute and will never change. interacts with comments. Answers questions. But he also isn't afraid to call bull, lol.

For example, loved his reaction to the comment "I'm not going to breath until you read this".

Being savage without being savage, lol.

The rainy day fight

D'ya think I wouldn't talk about this one? No way, no where, no how.

Do we ignore the fact that JK literally scrolled back when seeing the comment?

Nope. I don't think so.

JK saw the comment just run by, and he scrolled back cause he wanted to see it properly, and once he read it, well, of course, answer it. Idk what caught his attention there. Was it the account name? I saw talk and an actual clip showing that from the name it was a clear Jikook account. But then again, saw somewhere else mention that might not be true. This is one I'm not 100% sure about, so will leave it open with a question mark.

Anyway, that smile when reading the comment.

That last one was him reading the comment, not him commenting on if JM is or isn't doing a live.

But in saying that, JK with that smirk,

knew that JM ain't gonna be telling no rainy day story, so he might as well, lol.

The difference between JK describing it and JM, lol.

JM's short version:

JK's is a more lengthy one, although at the end of the day, if you pay attention, you realise that JK didn't tell us what they actually fought about, or more so, what was it that he said to JM to have JM tell him he's on his own from there on...

So, let's talk a bit about the fight, why don't we?

First thing first, JK puts a timeline on the fight, it being during their trainee days. That gives us a clearer time stamp, which would be anywhere between mid 2012 to a day before debut, which is 13 June 2013.

Now, you may ask why is it that JM was so off with the dates? And more so, why didn't JK correct him?

To the first question I say that this fight was way more impactful for JK than it was for JM. JK was the one who wrote a song referencing it. JK is the one that brought it up to start with during Festa 2020, and it took JM a few seconds to register and remember it. He was kind of caught off guard and could have just messed up the on the spot math, or he could have forgotten exactly when it took place.

To the second question I say that possibly JK didn't want to correct JM in front of the cameras, that the timing was less important for him to talk about and more so the fight and the making up. Or, he didn't want to correct him to stop the flow of JM's story telling, or just didn't want to correct him in front of the others, or he did the math wrong too, lol.

Now that we have cleared up the timeline, pre-debut days, let's talk about the fact that the other members clearly did not know about this fight, including Hobi.

This was a fight that happened between the two. Something that had a profound impact on JK. So much so he referenced it in a song. So much so he brought it up to apologise for it once again in during the Festa dinner.

But as impactful as it was for JK, I feel like it didn't have the same affect on JM. Not that it wasn't memorable, because it was, we saw it was, but it wasn't life changing for him as it was for JK. Yes, I think it was life changing for JK.

So, what are my thoughts about why this fight was so etched in JK's mind, so carved into his consciousness, so much so he literally wrote a song about it (that is a hill I am willing to die on) and brought it up in Festa 2020, years later, with so much water under the bridge since then?

All while I don't think it meant the same to JM? Yes he remembered it. Yes it was emotional for him. But it wasn't as impactful as it was for JK.

I am willing to go as far as to state that I feel that this fight was teenager JK's eureka moment as to how important JM was to him. And please do not get me wrong, this is not about JK crushing on JM or realising he is attracted to him. Not then. Not yet. This is way back in 2012-13. But this is about JK realizing that he needs JM. That he wants him by his side, he wants him close as a close friend, as someone to look up to, someone to help guide him, someone to care for him, someone to look out for him, someone who can understand him.

Do we remember this?

Because of Still with you, because JK brought this up 7 years after it happened, because of JK's facial expressions while talking about it, this was a truly meaningful moment for him, in my opinion perhaps the moment where their friendship shifted for JK or more so solidified.

You know what they say? When you think you lost someone is also when you understand just how important they are to you. It takes losing them for you to realise just how important they were to you.

As for JM, well he always had a soft spot for JK. His behaviour through this also shows us that. He didn't scold JK in front of the others, respected him enough to take him aside and try to talk to him. Although he walked out, he answered JK's phone call and straight away went into carer mode. He forgave him pretty much immediately and was almost as emotional as JK was (crying hugging). So yes, it was a fight to remember (he does once JK reminds him of it) but it wasn't as impactful on JM as it was on JK because maybe for him it didn't change the way he felt about JK, while for JK it was, as I mentioned, a moment of clarity, of understanding.

Lee Mujin's Limousine Service April Fool's day - the JM episode.

Well, the episode shows up on JK's YT. Surprise surprise? Not really, lol.

JK's initial statement is that he should watch that...not that he hasn't seen it yet. And why the distinction you may ask? Well, because his behaviour during this was a little puzzling. On the one hand he does things like FF the episode and avoids Lee Mujin calling JM oppa, and you can't think that this was unconsciously done. Or he imitates JM down to the nose touch and it feels like this was not the first time he's seeing this. All while on the other hand his reactions at the start of the episode seem to be of someone watching the episode for the very first time.

Is it possible that JK's oh so accurate imitations stem from him knowing JM oh so well? Down to the nose touch? Of course it is. I mean those two are fully in tune. We've seen so many moments where it's like this is the same person, same brain. So, definitley a possiblity.

Either way, the look on his face and his reactions never lie when it comes to JM.

JK sings Like crazy with JM.

First time he does this. Watch Like crazy with us and join in on the singing. And it's so beautiful.

Do we talk about it? Why it's taken him so long to do this?

Well, obviously I can't know for sure, but I do think that this one is an emotional one for JK.

This song is about JM's struggles during the pandemic. He told us so. Struggles that JK clearly witnessed. Struggles that JK clearly experienced with him. Struggles that JK probably also tried to help him cope with. Obviously this was not an easy time, and if this song was a type of release for JM, for JK it might be reliving something that is still weighing on him. A reminder of helplessness. Of not being able to help JM through. A reminder of the coping mechanisms. A reminder of not being enough.

But that isn't to say JK doesn't love the song. You can see how it does make him emotional, closing his eyes as he sings "you and I" and in several other moments during the song, including towards the end.

And maybe he wasn't ready to show us that just yet in his previous lives.

He was now.

And again, showing us he does like the song, he hums Like crazy again later on in the live.

JK is JM's happy place. That is part of his love language. He makes JM laugh, and many times it's by being his bratty cheeky self.

JK makes JM laugh. In JM's own words, he's his happy virus.

This part is funny and cute and JK just being JK by imitating JM.

And this time it's all about having fun, but JK as a whole mimics JM, not only for fun, but also as a compass, a guide as to how to behave or react. We saw him do it a lot in the younger years. JK wasn't joking when he told JM he's watching him, lol. We certainly do have the receipts for that one.

He has been doing this since forever. So very neuro divergent of him.

@jikookotters said to me after this live that JM should release a book - "My life with a brat".

and

Well, it has bestseller written all over it, guaranteed.

LMAO.

All fun aside, I'd say it's a small price to pay. You know, having a bratty bf that brings a smile to your face in the process. Same man that looks at you like this:

For the whole world to see.

Literally the whole world, having millions of people just sitting there watching him watch JM and melt.

Songs JK listened to and sang for us:

Traffic light - Lee Mujin

Wasurenai TANAKA

Jay Park yesterday (Omg, the lyrics...)

Your love's the sweetest sound Around you, my heart just pounds Your touch, I'll write it down So high, I can't come down Was hopeless, took notice Baby, like a siren, mm, and you gave me faith, oh You're the answer, all my problems solved Life with you is so beautiful, I won't trade it away I was lost but found my purpose now I'm glad you're keepin' me around, I won't trade it away Whether I'm up or down or I wear no crown Love me the same way, the same way you did as yesterday Whether I'm rich or poor, just call me yours Love me the samе way, the same way you did as yestеrday Oh-oh, oh-oh Did as yesterday Your smile is all I need Without you, these lungs can't breathe I'd fall from the sky for you Wanna do better and thrive for you Was hopeless, took notice Baby, like a siren, oh-oh, and you gave me faith You're the answer, all my problems solved Life with you is so beautiful, I won't trade it away I was lost but found my purpose now I'm glad you're keepin' me around, and I won't trade it away Whether I'm up or down or I wear no crown Love me the same way, the same way you did as yesterday Whether I'm rich or poor, just call me yours Love me the same way, the same way you did as yesterday Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh

I know he's a problematic person, but that song, I definitley get why JK likes it.

I have seen many are worried this is a precursor for him having a collab with Jay Park (we did see JK in his studio last year), and that very well may be. We will just have to wait and see about that.

JK also watched "JK vocals I liked", well tried watching and gave up in the middle because The best of me on replay was just too much for him.

And his G-Dragon imitations, lol.

This was in no way him dissing G-Dragon. This was him being a fan of the man, something he has also shared with us in the past.

OK, Is it time to address the other elephant in the room?

JK's unwillingness to sing a BTS song...lol.

Maybe better not🤣🤣

JK's goodbye to us.

Questions to ask ourselves after watching the live:

Is someone going to explain to JK why the comments are disappearing?

What is JK working on his English super hard for? He makes a point of telling us multiple times during the live that he's working on it hard... I doubt it's only for his TikTok narration for Take two...there is more coming from JK. Question is what and when? Hopefully soon.

So why did JK want us to know about the book he's going to be reading? JK made a point at the start of the live to grab the book and place it on the table in front of him, later to show us the book and tell us he bought it and will read it. Why did JK want us to know about Michelle Zauner or her book? Collab? This is a bit of a stretch, well ok, a huge stretch, but could it be because Michelle Zauner, an openly bisexual woman, married her bandmate Peter Bradley back in 2014? So many questions...

How many times does JK have to mention JM while talking about the rainy day fight?

What was up with JK's glasses? He clearly told us that he needs them. And he was also about to get up go get them, but then stopped and said he's too lazy. But was that it? Really? Or did he just remember/realise that he forgot his glasses at that very place he came from shortly prior to the live? You know, the same place he came from arriving at Brunnen and placing his jacket (is that a motorcycle riders jacket?) on the sofa. Same Jacket he moved aside so maybe we don't notice it too much.

JK getting the book and moving the jacket:

Will we be seeing JK at one of Yoongi's Seoul concerts? Did Yoongi see the live, hear JK's request for a formal invitation up on stage? Lol. JK did say that if Yoongi asks him up, he'll do it... Oh, and do we buy concert tickets for the streaming with those prices???

What's up with JK's YT algorithm?

Do I bring this up again?

Yeah, I guess that explains the algorithm with all the cooking and JM going on there...

Kookie, your obsessions are showing...

What was it with the guitar JK left out to tell us that he's not practicing at all although he should be? At first I thought it might have something to do with JM's acoustic performance, Letter with the guitar, you know, being the JM spoiler king and all.

But now that Take two is out, I can't help but consider perhaps this time it wasn't about JM but more about Take two... the opening guitar. Although (yes, this is me flip flopping here) the opening guitar in Take two is an electric guitar... So yeah, no idea.

Do his neighbours, by this point, have Hybe on speed dial? I mean, I'd love to have JK as a neighbour, I really would? Nah, I lie. I love JK, you know I do, but my god, the noise that man makes, I would be hospitalized by now for sleep deprivation. And the creepy creeps that are out and about looking for him? Nah. Love him, but would rather not be his neighbour, lol.

And last but not least what so ever - why the heck is this man so utterly adorable? This man that on stage is a lean mean killing machine (well, most of the time). How can that be the same person? HOW?

Once again JK has come to us, in his time and on his terms. And once again he's shown us in few words and many actions just how much he loves and appreciates army, and how much he loves JM. He does what he does, says what he says, within the limitations, showing us all his love and support for JM.

He's so friggin loud even those that are unwilling to see are having difficulty ignoring it.

So, are we taking bets on when we're going to be getting him live next? And will we finally be getting a JK Letter sing along? Now that we have an official Letter (Dear.Army) release on YT that is. Now, wouldn't that be an interesting one?

#Jungkook #JK #JK Live #Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jimin #JM #Youtube

[httpwammy]

Wedding HC!

The proposal, the ring, the reception, the honeymoon! Oh dear, they're dying.

L LAWLIET

Top 10 things he never expected: no.1, getting married.

Okay listen, You'd have to be together for a long ass time before he even considered it. L has to be sure he can trust you and that you can handle him.

Proposing had never crossed his mind until Watari jokingly mentioned it, to be honest.

You know L's making plans because one day, he starts asking blunt questions on the matter. Until the night comes when he asks: "Would you like us to get married?"

And you're like, "Yeah? I mean, why not? We've been together for a while now."

That's it. I'm sorry. This man doesn't understand romance, but I personally would like to think he at least gave you the ring inside a slice of cake.

You and Watari took care of all the organization matters. L's contribution? Paying everything lol

The ceremony + Reception: 

Oh My god, this is happening! 

You agreed that it needed to be somewhere private, and you wanted it to be in a place familiar to him.

Am I about to say you married in Wammy's house? Yes, yes I am.

The kids (and your family) were told that L once was a part of the orphanage, and you wanted to marry there.

Mello knew who he was, however. And he couldn't believe his eyes.

Strawberry three-tier cake!!

Honeymoon 

Doesn't last very long, sadly. This man is a workaholic. 

But I see L arranging to have maximum privacy in a hotel next to the beach, where you both can enjoy each other and do multiple stimulating activities.

MELLO

I only see this happening in two ways: one, he addresses you as his wife, and no need for proposal.

Take may wife's name out of your fucking mouth lol no, just kidding

Two: he asks at the pure style of the mob. Fancy, luxury, and suddenly your reception is full of dangerous personalities.

Realistically, tho, I don't see him into the idea of marriage

The ceremony / reception

I think the ceremony would be short and not in a church, yet there might be some religious items there as decoration and symbolism.

The reception would be glamorous. Dark and elegant. Maybe a black and burgundy palette.

Honeymoon

IDK maybe Vegas? Something fun and exhilarating that keeps you both on thrill all the time!

I think that when he's in love Mello is really into spending time with his s/o, and has a hard time leaving, so I think it'd be a long honeymoon that only ends when Mello truly needs to get back to work.

MATT

Tattoo rings probably. He may or may not have proposed with a candy ring.

I don't really see him being big about this, but as you wanted it, and it's exciting for you he'd oblige.

The ceremony / reception

Can you have a Star Wars-themed wedding? No? :´( Oh, what about a lord of the rings one?! No? oh. Okay. So he guesses something based on a game is out the table too, huh? Yeah. Well, you can pick.

There wouldn't be one if not for you, so you get to choose: a beach wedding, forest wedding, or city wedding, he'll go with what you pick.

Honeymoon

Matt's idea of a perfect honeymoon is junk food and recording your reactions to horror games to watch later with popcorn as a comedy movie

If you're okay with that then cool! If not, I guess he'll allow you to pick the place as well, as long as you don't make force him to be outdoors for too long.

NEAR

Never thought about marriage until you jokingly call him your husband and damn, it felt good.

Strategically leaves multiple hints that it be better if you two joined forces for like... a lifetime. 

He's confident that you'll say yes. Yet he's terribly anxious when he asks.

The ceremony / reception

Something small and private unless you wish otherwise.

Maybe in a pretty hotel

Honeymoon

It doesn't last much, but it's worth every second. You'd have breakfast together and then create some pieces of art with the first sun rays of the morning, after which you share a shower.

Lots of naps and cuddles!

Later, in the afternoon you’d make some tea and watch a movie or play some chess.

Very lovely, soft days

#wammy boys #mello #near #L #matt #wammy's house #death note headcanons #Death Note #death note hc #mello x reader #matt x reader #near x reader #l x reader #mail jeevas #mihael keehl #L lawiet #nate river

[maymeowmoo]

New episode of Smg4?!?!?!? Well I'm inna writing mood soooooo.... Imma review/analysis and share my thoughts on the new episode >:) ["SMG4:SMG3's BOMB CAFE"] If you're bored feel free to read this overly detailed analysis of a 12:01 minute video! (Actually ~10:30ish)

Analyzing time! ^w^/

Smg3 being so happy abt his lil cafe is very cute. I did not expect Smg4 to be so goddam sassy in this episode but I like that they didn't get rid of their rivalry completely since u know, after so many years it would be odd for it to just disappear even if they have recently been bonding so much u<u

Still I couldn't help but feel a bit odd? Like idk if Four just desperately wanted Three to ask him for help w the coffee or what but DANG was he super into making Smg3's life harder. At 4:49 Smg4 basically goes screw it lets make Three more miserable and invites everyone. Like let bro learn overtime we don't need a Kirby Lunch Rush but with Smg3! Also Four's expressions? Dude is being SILLY on purpose u_u He continues his nuisance charade with 6:22 ("How can you not even have the unicorn frappucino?"). Like dang bro how abt u calm ur sass down and stop provoking Three even more? He does get a clear indication of Smg3's annoyance (8:51-8:52 Smg3 says "Shut up." to Four also stopping him from making another sassy remark) yet still continues. At 9:14 (Smg4:"So you admit you can't run a shop yet?") Four gives his snarky comment and all I can think of is how he intentionally made it harder for Three to run the dang shop. [Note: Tbh even someone who owned a shop would have a hard time with Smg4's Crew lets be fr.] Just like I said at the beginning of this paragraph I am starting to really believe Four wanted to be involved with Three somehow and the only way he knew how is by forcing conflict.

Characterization wise what surprised me is how even after two instances of Three yelling for the others to stop fighting they still continue on. Idk I just feel like they would've listened tbh. They were very... hyperactive I guess? The characters do act kinda like they should but it still felt odd to me for some reason. Eggdog as always has the best characterization tho, man do I like that silly egg thing. Anywho this wasn't the only thing that felt odd continuity wise. I would've thought Smg3 learnt to make proper coffee before he started up a cafe? Especially since he literally lived in a STARBUCKS??? Like I just think he would've idk tried making coffee before opening a cafe even if he didn't make any during his time in the Internet Graveyard. I did make up two explanations for this tho! One is that the dead memes (Specifically the funny lil knuckles) made the coffee during his time in the Internet Graveyard and the other is that he was just too anxiety/adrenaline ridden to make proper coffee. At the end of the day these things aren't huge issues for me but as I said before it did make me feel odd.

Smg4 getting called out for his sass was necessary for me to like this video so imma glad it happened and he doesn't just get away with his behavior. At 9:23 the realization of his silly shenanigans finally catch up to him and that means..... THE SMG34 PART OF THE EPISODE STARTS YEEHAW! Even though Smg4's and 3's confrontation felt just the tiny bit forced to me (probably Four's fault) it was so nice to see them being softer. I also really like how Three doesn't agree to Four's proposal without making some convoluted reasoning as to why this isn't just two pals helping each other out and is actually TOTALLY just a transactional thing. It feels really in character! Oh yeah since I need to put this somewhere at 9:47 Four is like "I want to help" and like... you made it harder and now you want to help? Better now then never tbh ^w^/

Jokes -> The joke at 2:27-2:34 made me chuckle ._. and that makes me somewhat disappointed in myself (You want it? Issa urs my friend is so real). 3:00 is also a joke I liked, it felt very relatable (I struggle with basic human stuff like buttons on a coffee machine also u_u aww man). 3:28-3:32 Decent joke! 4:12 having a Gmod Three bang the coffee machine was good but the sudden Pomni/Smg4 reaction wasn't for me :v (It is good for Au art tho, I've seen the Smg4 as Pomni art hehe ;P ). 5:55-6:05 Nice joke ^v^/ (Smg3 writing '1 jar of poison for Mario' was the cherry on top tbh). 6:29-6:35 just like the joke at three minutes the whole 'operating a coffee machine being like dark magic' is still funny to me. 7:35-7:38 7:45-7:46 the music that plays when the rainbow (acid) coffee is shown is cool. 8:34-8:49 The whole Tari going coo coo joke is honestly pretty unfunny ._. I did not like it :v. 10:44-10:45 'Cleaned up everything!' is such a funny pop up to put here. Joke APPROVED!

Joke wise I think this episode is actually quite solid. The one joke I really didn't like kinda puts it down but ignoring that issa cool ig :D (6,8/10)

Closing statement -> Dude Four on roller skates working at a cafe for Three? THIS IS JUST A FANFIC AT THIS POINT... and I am all for it ;D

[Note: I have no idea why I wrote this but I felt like it sooooo... YEAH! >:3 If you have any thoughts abt this ep I'd love to hear em ;o]

#smg4 #supermarioglitchy4 #smg4 smg3s bomb cafe #analysis #anons_C.A.R

[cloudcountry]

assigning the ikepri characters love languages with my very limited knowledge of their characters because i thought it would be fun PART TWO

(part one: ikevamp)

sariel had me stumped for like twenty minutes HELP!!! i literally have no idea but uhhhhh hm. acts of service maybe. BUT ALSO WORDS OF AFFIRMATION but not in the cheesy way, in the way where he likes praising mc when she does something well C:

nokto seems like he’d be really touchy or just praise the people he cares about a lot. i’m leaning more towards praise, so words of affirmation? but honestly this man is an enigma i don’t understand HELP

leon is so physical touch coded...i am not sure what it is. he just seems like such a sweetheart that would love holding his lover and swinging them around and touching them in any way he could. very tender vibes :((( he seems so kind.

chevalier.....HMMM CHEVIE..............maybe quality time??? since he doesn't really seem to find other people all that interesting or like spending time with them. since he likes spending time alone, his time might be precious to him and sharing it with his lover could be a big deal. idk HELP

licht is a hard one but i guess physical touch? maybe? but im also getting an acts of service vibe. i know literally nothing about him though except for the fact that his route is really really sad.

clavis has the unfortunate love language of making you horrendous food (okay so yes i might have looked through my friend’s playthrough of him but that means NOTHING okay i still don’t know anything about him SHHHH) ANYWAYS an actual love language...physical touch maybe? i remember seeing somewhere that he's a leg man LMAO

rio is NOT debatable. he is words of affirmation. but yk, whatever love language you want him to have he will have. but seriously just from the prologue alone i’m convinced if words of affirmation had a definition it would just be his face.

jin seems like he would be all for physical touch!! i feel like he's one for words of affirmations too but i think he’d like holding his partner...kinda like leon but with less puppy dog energy???

yves seems like he loves giving quality time!! i’ve played a little bit of his route so obviously i know a bit more about him than i do the others right now but he takes time out of his day to make sure the mc is comfortable. just spending time with them is enough and i think that’s so sweet :C

luke is kinda tough too but i think he’d appreciate quality time? he seems to like being alone for the most part and honestly i can picture him just spending time with his lover whenever he can. he’s another one that seems really sweet honestly :C

gilbert’s love language is killing people for you /j but um actually i think maybe. quality time? vio HELP. i think he likes reading so maybe reading w him in the library. i dunno he’s got me stumped.

keith seems so sweet :(( um i think!! words of affirmation!! he seems like someone that would think he might hurt you if he touched you, so physical touch doesn’t feel right to me. he does seem like the type to whisper a soft “i love you” or hold pinkies.

silvio screams gift giving and i don’t know if this is because nobody else has given me gift giving vibes or because he seems like a rich brat type BUT. gift giving methinks. he jingles and jangles and maybe you should jingle and jangle with him

#auburn talks ikepri <3 #ikepri #ikepri yves #ikepri gilbert #ikepri rio #ikepri chevalier #ikepri clavis #ikepri silvio #ikepri leon #ikepri sariel #ikepri nokto #ikepri jin #ikepri luke #ikepri keith

[ponett]

some more SLARPG-related questions and answers taken from my retrospring:

Hi, I wanted to start by saying I loved your game and it meant a lot to me. Instead of gushing sappily though, I wanted to ask about the cross iconography in Melody's staff and Provence's armor; what cultural or religious significance does this symbol have in the world of Reverie? (If it doesn't mean anything to them but does to us that's cool too!)

the + shape (typically in green) is the symbol for healing magic, rather than a religious symbol

hi! in an answer on here just now you referred to "the beast kingdom", is that a canon thing and there is a monarchical governed body called The Beast Kingdom, or was that just something you threw out there because you didn't have a name for it, or some exciting third answer?

the country slarpg is set in is The Beast Kingdom. i can't remember if that's actually stated in the game. i think it is? maybe it was cut from the intro so as to not overwhelm the player with Fantasy Proper Nouns up front and i forgot to put it somewhere else? idk. the sapphire islands are some distance off the coast, and brightport is on the mainland

i saw some speculation about this based on the name, and yes, it's intended to be a modern constitutional monarchy

(after answering this i doubled checked, and yes, the name is mentioned in the game)

Is there any kind of animal species beast folks strictly CANNOT be? (besides RandomFurryUser726's custom closed species obviously)

off the top of my head i can't think of anything they COULDN'T be, no. mammals, birds, reptiles, sea creatures, bugs. i guess when you get to some of the more oddball invertebrates it becomes trickier, but i also wouldn't completely write off the possibility of coming up with a jellyfish character or whatever. it's just less likely that i'd go for something like that compared to, you know. furries

since holly floated the idea in her own stream: Did Jodie forge her own grill?

you know what? sure. this is canon now

How did Claire come to choosing her name? Was is just a name she liked the sound of or is there more significance for her?

undecided due to how much that part of claire's life is still unexplored

just curious, but is zinnia's hair color intended to be more 'older woman gray hair' or 'magical girl white hair'?

her hair is naturally a very light blue, like how melody and jodie just have naturally white hair

i pictured the scrap cannon skill working by magnetizing a bunch of scrap metal around one's arm to make an arm cannon and firing off a big ball of more scrap metal from that. is this a valid interpretation?

this isn't how i picture it but it's cooler than how i picture it and also adds yet another mega man allusion to the desert, so

Given that it's the day of the Big Game: How do each of the Novas (+ Faith/Beverly) feel about sports?

jodie likes sports and follows the brightport teams actively, but she's also too good of a sport to really hate their rival teams

allison's always liked the act of playing sports way more than watching them (although she was never good enough at following orders to play on a team as a kid). she'll watch the big games with jodie, though

beverly is a casual fan who will at least root for local teams but doesn't really pay that close attention

melody and faith don't follow sports but can be convinced to show up for a super bowl party type get together

claire can only get invested in a sport or team if there's a jon bois type documentary that gets deep into the nerd shit

Were there ever any other names other than SLARPG in the running? Or was it always gonna be slarpg all the way.

i always considered changing the name. i have a list of 75 different names i considered over the years in my notes, ranging from more generic fantasy titles to sillier ones to more unique ones. early on most involved melody's name. many later ones include "Reverie." i may share the full list someday (possibly good fodder for a patreon post), but the "serious" title i've mentioned considering before was Power Couple (or Power Couples). i still like that one

i debated over the title a lot for many reasons. mainly, people are weird about the title, either treating the whole game as a joke or assuming it's porn or whatever. some also assume that you just cannot play the game if you aren't a lesbian, a thing that people don't do with other fantasy things that happen to feature sapphic relationships without putting it in the title

the problem, of course, is that changing your title is often a death sentence. half the struggle with marketing a game is even getting people to remember it in the first place in an era where a million things are constantly fighting for your attention. people need to have seen it a few times before they create that mental connection of "oh, THAT game, i've heard of that." so changing your title massively undercuts that

in that regard, Super Lesbian Animal RPG is just way more unique and memorable of a title than the alternatives i was considering. it's direct and unambiguous about the content of the game, and it grabs your attention in a way that something like "Guardians of Reverie," for instance, doesn't. (that's not a title i was considering too seriously, just an example.) also it abbreviates to a unique hashtag, which i find convenient. also i can say that rock paper shotgun once referred to it as "brilliantly named," so like, of course i can't change it now

several of the names i considered are now in the running for an overall franchise name, though, since i have zero intention of naming a game Super Lesbian Animal Platformer or Super Lesbian Animal Visual Novel or whatever

I wish you could kiss Holly this life is so unfair

fear not my friend, large women exist in our world as well

are all cars on Reverie weird fantasy vehicles like the one in the Celestial Wasteland? or was it just the fact of Greenridge being a tiny town with dirt roads that made cars irrelevant to mention or see in the story?

fantasy vehicles such as flying cars and airships are very common on reverie, but regular wheeled vehicles still exist too. (there is a conversation about motorcycles in the game.) i'd imagine regular, non-flying vehicles are just the cheaper option, but they're also not particularly necessary in greenridge, a small, old town built for foot travel that doesn't exactly have a highway connecting it to the mainland

from the sounds of it, would it be safe to assume that the exact level of involvement you had in the characters Anthony/Scarlet designed varies from character to character? Like for some characters you'd have a solid-ish idea of gender/species/age/role, other times you just have the role ("I need an NPC to fill this nice"), and other times they just sprung a design on you without any prompting from you?

yeah, it varied a lot. for example, faith was a character i conceived and had a pretty clear idea of, but i was struggling to come up with her design, so anthony offered to give it a shot. other times i might request something from him, and he'll give me a black and white concept sketch that i color and then turn into a sprite. but then you've got, like, the paladin brigade, who are characters anthony just pitched to me thinking that they'd be a good addition to the cast. he came up with their names, designs, color schemes, personalities, team dynamic, everything. i just filled in details where necessary. the boys are also anthony's babies - they would not have been included in the game at all if he hadn't pushed for it

meanwhile, scarlet's characters (which included a good number of more general NPCs that didn't make it in due to time constraints) mostly consisted of me giving her broad directions like "we need some adventurers to hang around noel's sanctuary," and she'd come up with her own ideas from there

what's the hardest part of making a cohesive and/or compelling narrative to you?

for me at least, it's the logical glue that holds a story together that's the hardest. that's just the type of writer i am, and as far as i know it's pretty common to feel that way

i'll know specific scenes i wanna hit, emotional beats, the general mood and tone, images i want to use, those sorts of things, but the logical shuffling around of pieces on the chess board to connect those disparate moments is harder to nail down for me. why is this character doing this? why are they here instead of there? why can't the protagonists just do this other thing to solve their problem? what in the narrative is going to steer them towards this next moment? what is this supporting character's motivation that informs their participation in this event? why did this character know or not know this key fact? etc. and in a video game - especially an rpg like this - there's that added layer of needing to give the player clear objectives, having reasons for them to go from point A to point B, excuses for gameplay elements to space out the story beats, and whatnot. it can be a lot to juggle

with slarpg in particular i knew most of the big emotional beats and major setpiece moments i wanted to hit early on, but the logic of the plot took a LOT of reworking. lots of late night pondering and scattered notes trying to piece together the villains' plans and things of that nature

[boytumms]

I'm an intersex man who was raised female- so I guess I also count as transmasc? Lol. I'm with you on cis mpreg. Obviously I have nothing wrong w tmpreg. For soft stuff I prefer amab guys who either magically have the equipment or chose to change themselves. I think it hits with the part of me that kind of always knew I wasn't ""biologically"" one or the other. I can have my cake and eat it too. I think there's also something about people who were raised and socialised as men getting to share in whatever it is that makes pregnancy so appealing for us. Like. Our fantasy instead of just reality.

For kink I prefer the stomach >:] and.. I guess really stretchy intestines? 🤣

For me I think it use to come from not wanting to be pregnant myself so I didn’t really like tmpreg, but now I like both, I just have a preference towards cis mpreg.

In terms of the anatomy of it all, I agree with both of the things you said, I’m a fan of “womb somehow appears/develops in order for baby to be made”. Either connecting somewhere to the intestines or just forming it’s own exit, idk anything can happen since it’s all fantasy lol

#ask #anonymous #mpreg #belly kink #I see some people call via mpreg butt babies and it cracks me up #cause it sounds so ridiculous when you say it like that #also I just like dicks also so that’s kind of also a part of it haha

[criminalskies]

Hi Rome! I wanted to reach out to you because I feel this is a safe space and I know it’s stupid because we don’t even really know each other but I feel like I can trust you and that I have your support. Anyway, I wanted to kind of ask for advice on my sexuality if that’s ok. I’ve been kind of questioning it the last few years but am not really sure what I identify with. I always used to think I was straight but now it feels like I don’t belong in that “category”

I don’t like s3x. I don’t find it to feel good or be fun or anything like that. I don’t mind reading smutty stuff sometimes but when it gets too descriptive, I’m out.

I mostly find men attractive, but I sometimes find women attractive as well. But I don’t really feel sexually drawn to either of them. Like the most I feel is fantasizing about holding their hand or cuddling or maybe making out but certainly nothing past that. I mean I’ve had dreams (not like fantasizing but literal night time dreams) about being with both a man or a woman, but idk if that means anything. And I’ve found that some of the people I find attractive aren’t your typical “hot” people and it thinks it’s because I might care more about who they are than what they look like? Idk

I sometimes fantasize about having a relationship, but in reality I don’t want one. I think I more just like the idea of it and how they are in books and movies, but not the real life situation. Especially when I think about being with someone all the time. I prefer to be on my own. Which I guess is why I wonder if this even really matters, but I feel like I need to know even if it’s not applied?

Anyway, sorry, I’m rambling!! I just wanted someone to discuss this with I guess and I don’t really want to go to my family yet, which is why I wanted to reach out to you (and I guess the tumblr community if you decide to answer this and it’s on your feed lol) and if you do choose to share any advice, thank you, I love you, I love your writing, and the nasty anon people who share their evil words can kindly piss off! <3

Hi baby! Let me start this off by saying there’s no reason for you to feel silly at all, I say that this account is a safe space and I really mean it. I’m glad you feel comfortable and supported by me because that’s a goal of mine to have people always feel that way on my page.

Now, I’m assuming you’re here bc you’ve seen me talk about times in my life when I’ve thought I was asexual or even aromantic? and that stays true. admittedly when you sent me this ask I went full dad mode googling the aro/ace spectrum lingo and terms to make sure I’m giving you the best information. I also researched this stuff a bunch myself because as you say it’s all a bit confusing when you feel you fall between the ‘categories’.

But that’s an important point for me to make here: asexuality and aromanticism are fluid and exist on a spectrum. All our life experiences and ups and downs and mindsets and the people in our lives can change or skew these things, and that’s okay! I don’t expect to identify the exact same way forever. Honestly, when I first learned what aro and ace were, I was a bit lost because doesn’t everybody feel like this sometimes?

So with my newfound research let me try to talk you through what you’re saying?

You don’t like sex, not fun, not desirable, that’s completely valid. I’m finding more and more myself that I maybe fall somewhere under that umbrella, but an interesting term I found online helped me here:

All the different niches of asexuality get a little confusing, but I resonate a lot with this one. I find myself with very little desire to actually partake in sex, but enjoying the fantasies or hypotheticals to be really interesting. I enjoy reading smut and even writing it once in a blue moon, but yeah, in terms of the real thing, I’m becoming increasingly unsure it’s my cup of tea.

I notice you said sometimes smut can be your cup of tea, if it’s nondescript or just implied etc, but usually isn’t. I completely understand what you mean. I think that’s a completely valid stance. You aren’t completely repulsed by sex but you’re also not aroused by it, I totally hear you!

Now you say you find yourself attracted to men and to women, but not sexually. I feel that. I fantasise about having someone to hold hands with and play with their hair, cuddle up under blankets to watch movies, all that fun jazz all the time! so it sounds to me like you’re existing somewhere on the ace spectrum, but you’re not aromantic. That is, you do feel romantic attraction, you do want a partner in some things outside of platonic life. Again! Man!!! I hear you! I want the quiet days and the running errands and having someone who knows me like the back of their hand, but I’m not sure I want that person sexually or at least not all the time.

And the people you’re attracted to, it’s less because of that primary attraction (this term comes up a lot in ace literature, it’s that feeling non-ace people get when they see someone and immediately a fire is lit in their belly, they want that person) and more because you get to know and love them as a person. You are preaching to the damn choir here.

Secondary Attraction is a term for that feeling that slowly grows over time, particularly romantic feelings for someone. It’s mostly coined by Demisexual people, which I feel like maybe you’re fitting into, only not in the sexual way, but in the romantic way. Like you might be asexual but demiromantic where all of your attraction comes from getting to know the person underneath. Sorry if it sounds like I’m making up words at this point but i think it helps to have some language to help describe how you’re feeling. But again! There’s no necessity to define these things. Just saying you’re asexual but you feel romantic attraction can cut it, or saying nothing at all is fine, too. You don’t have to fit into any little boxes sweetheart. Although it can be comforting to know that others fit into the same one, that you’re not alone. But let me tell you, you aren’t 💕💗 I’m right here and I feel you!

Now the part where you say you don’t want a forever relationship, I can understand too. Now it sounds a little like you might exist somewhere within aromantic because you don’t have that desire to have a romantic relationship. That is so okay too.

there are some ace-aro people who are referred to as greysexual or greyromantic (I know this sounds so made up but it helped me feel seen) who can feel some degree of sexual attraction or some degree of romantic attraction sometimes, but for the most part they fit under the general umbrella. Remember, time changes all. We aren’t going to be the same people we are today forever, so we can’t expect one identity to withstand the force of time alone, things change and that’s okay.

Please please remember that being ace or aro does not mean your life will be any less fulfilling than people who have partners. I know that in media, romantic love can be shown as being something a level above platonic love, but really truly your life can be just as marvellous without it my dear.

Please do not apologise for rambling, Rome loves to ramble. My inbox is always open for rambling sweetheart! I have definitely doubled the length of your ramble at this point anyways so I’ll cut to the chase. I threw a lot of labels o it there for you to try them on and see what feels right, but truly, labels aren’t a necessary part of being a human being. You are no less interesting or less important or less understood if you can’t make yourself fit into any one of these categories my love. You’re human, humans are complex and every single one is an anomaly of something. That’s what makes us so damn interesting, okay?

I see you and I understand you. Thank you for coming to me to talk about this, I hope any single thing I’ve said helps. There is no need at all to run to people with a definition of it, it’s perfectly okay to just tell them what you’ve told me, which is how you feel.

Now I love you too my sweet summer child and I’m so glad you enjoy my writing and my blog! And I agree, that anon was a whole mess but for the most part it seems to be over now. I’m so glad I didn’t disable all anon asks now though because then I never would have gotten this from you. I hope I have been of any help at all! The bottom line is you are loved and you are you. There’s no need to change that. ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💜🩷

also I have about eleven more screenshots from this site if you want them but it’s just all the terms I tried to describe.

#Rome’s advice corner #I am so fucking honoured this person came to me with this #I feel like a proud papa #Rome’s got mail! #anon mail!

[talimlbcnart]

I've seen some Official Fantasy Au art and now I'm more confuse than ever.

This is supposed to be the beginning of the story right?

Deku looks like he old self, tiny and skinny. And All Might is also his old self with the muscle form and all. Also he has as BIG sword that he's always carrying around.

Shouto looks idk... uncomfortable? With his clothes, looks like he's trying to hide his neck or something.

Then there this one:

Where All Might no longer has powers and his sword is split in two and shared between Bakugo and Izuku. I guess this is a reference to Heroes Rising and the sword is a representation of One for All...?

Also Shouto is no longer holding his Colar? Turtleneck? (idk the name of that part of his clothes in English) and his right side looks like a monster or something. However what I never realized is that it looks a lot like Kirishima's horns...

(Also what's with that white cape Enji, your face is on fire you can hide THAT)

And from what I've heard, in this Au isn't Kirishima a shape-shifting Dragon?

Does that mean Shouto is also a Dragon? Or is he just straight up cursed?

And since Shouto is a Prince. Is Endeavor a Dragon King? Can they turn into Dragons? IS THERE A DABI DRAGON SOMEWHERE IN THIS WORLD?

And what does Hawks and Best Jeanest has to do with anything? They're always in the Official Arts together with the protagonists but it's never explained WHY.

I just want some answers, man. Fantasy Worlds are my favorites.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha au #bnha midoriya izuku #mha au #boku no hero au #deku #fantasy #fantasy au #bnha fantasy au #bnha toya todoroki #bnha todoroki shoto #bnha todoroki #bnha best jeanist #bnha hawks #bnha bakugou #bnha kirishima #bnha dragon #bnha todoroki enji #bnha all might #bnha official art

[thatoneao3author]

randomized fic tag game

fuck it I’m creating a fic brainstorming challenge in an attempt to interact with the fandom ig

so I used this au generator to assign you an au, this fan fiction trope generator to give you a trope/situation/sometimes another au, feel free to keep clicking until you get something that inspires you.

then try to come up with the title, plot, vibe, and details of a fic including whatever the generators gave you. you don’t actually have to write it, just put the concept into the world! this is basically just a thought experiment

for example, here’s mine:

The AU generator gave me: summer camp au 

The trope generator gave me: Your characters are neighbors and hold up notes in their windows across from each other to talk all the time and they're both developing huge crushes.

okay okay I GOT this 

title: i’ll beat your ass in the color war, red

- we got teenage!gallavich, i’m talking season one ian-still-has-freckles little gallavich 

- ian gets a scholarship to the camp via a raffle his school did for kids on the honor role. technically, lip got it, but he handed the voucher off to ian because he’s caught up with karen at the time and wants his brother to have a good summer. that’s why ian’s there. 

- mickey is put into foster care for one reason or another, something with terry, and his foster family sends him. that’s why he’s there. mandy’s around here somewhere, too. 

- all the cabins are really close together, but ian + mickey are placed separately. right next to each other, actually. ian and mickey both happened to take the low bunks next to the windows, which are facing each other. 

- ian recognizes mickey as someone from the south side, like him. he also befriends mandy early on, but he doesn’t really speak to mickey. 

- UNTIL! there’s a power outage on the camp grounds, knocking out the lights in all of the cabins. And Ian sees a flashlight in the window across from his when he’s trying to go to sleep. 

- with the chaos of everything, it doesn’t work, and a generator powers up some of the cabins. for safety reasons, they send those without power to sleepover in the cabins with power so that everyone’s together and warm and guess what?? mickey and ian end up together. sharing a bed because there aren’t enough.

- they bond, but their schedules don’t line up the most and they end up doing the notes-in-the-window thing every night while trying to sleep for a week. they also pass this old notebook back and forth, giving each other doodles and thoughts and questions through the pages. they talk about how weird the experience is, how different the kids are from southsiders. 

- then, they get to pick new classes at the beginning of the following week. for the first time since the power outage, mickey approaches him directly and they pick similar classes

- they keep using the notebook throughout the summer, writing down things that are too hard to say out loud like “you’re pretty, red” and “i think i really like you and i don’t know if that’s a good idea”

- they spend free time together in the field, mickey sitting there while his sister and ian make flower crowns. 

- they do other arts and crafts together. ian makes them matching ‘friendship bracelets’ and mickey claims to think that it’s stupid. but he wears it anyway, just to see him smile

- idk man you get a summer’s worth of them being cute but not actually dating. mickey causes some trouble, they end up kissing at the camp fire, some sneaking around is involved, there’s a color war (which is like, fun team-based games like capture the flag or huge water fights) where they’re on opposite teams, maybe a little pride event at some point since we’re in the summer time. generally just huge summer love vibes

- i imagine there’s some issues near the end of camp bc mickey likes what they have but he isn’t sure if it can continue when they go back to chicago, he only feels safe doing their whole thing bc they’re away from literally everyone they know.

- one possible ending is mickey telling ian how much he cares, but they have to wait until they’re older and he’s away from his dad for good/he’s more comfortable in his sexuality. BAM! possible timeskip sequel, bittersweet ending. the other ending is ian offering him a place in the gallagher home, BAM! domestic vibes, some found family, and it’s more happy. either one could work depending on what i want from the fic

alright alright i’m all done now. don’t feel pressured to try it if you don’t want to, but i’m gonna tag @creepkinginc @softmick @gardenerian @lupeloto and @this-is-estrelya​

#tag game #shameless #Shameless US #shameless fanfiction #shameless fic #gallavich #gallavich au #gallavich fic #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #mandy milkovich #summer camp au #fic ideas!

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

jason voorhees with wg and disposal? idk big strong muscle man becoming heavy with fat, especially jason, sounds so cute. and also disposal because im a weirdo

You’re right, it is cute. And I have a secret to share—I’m a huge weirdo, too.

J.ason gives his gut a squeeze and it molds around his hand like soft clay. He lets out a soft groan and lets go of it, watching it wobble when he does. There's no doubt about it. He's gotten fat. Really, he should have accepted the idea a while ago. He's noticed the way his sparse collection of clothes seem to hug his frame more and more as the days go by. Today was the day his shirt ripped open trying to fit over his empty gut, though.

It was bound to happen with his diet, really. Humans are walking calorie bombs and it seems like there's two more for every one he eats. The RV he recently tore apart groans as he steps off of it. The lingering smell of shit follows after him, a pile made up of a father and his three adult sons filling at least half of the vehicle after J.ason crashed their family camping trip. They'd been the thing to push his body past the limit and into 'definitely fat now'. He can feel the way his stomach wobbles with every step he takes and he wasn't able to get his pants to come up over his ass again.

He's still strong, of course, but all that muscle is being smothered under plush fat. But this summer has been particularly busy for him. These campers weren't even his first meal of the day. No, that was the van of stoners who thought the woods were a safe place to get as high as they want. Their van is still sitting out there somewhere, the back of it weighed down with a monster of a crap. Stoner always seems to go right through him.

There were also those college guys skinny dipping in the lake. No clothes on those meals, at least, but it was a pretty heavy meal with how many there were. He was lucky that the wooden raft they had out there held his weight. He'd bring it in if he cared enough to shovel that mountain of shit he left on it, but frankly, he wasn't too worried about where he left his shits. This was his territory, he could leave them where he wanted. It didn't do anything to stop these people from coming around.

The meal right before the family were some hunters. Tracking them down one by one was a nice change of pace. Though J.ason is happy he didn't have to deal with being shot. They never even saw him coming. Now they're just a few nasty heaps scattered around the forest like plenty of others. And then, of course, there's his latest meal which finally made his clothes stop fitting entirely.

Though, if J.ason is being honest with himself, he's been getting fatter these last several months. He really noticed if after eating that party bus of graduates. Definitely one of his biggest meals to date and, of course, the biggest shit he ever took--at least half an hour to get it all out, if that. It was the first time he really noticed he was getting fatter, though. And while usually he can work it off, he hasn't had much of a break in terms of food since then, and he's gaining faster than losing.

J.ason lets out a grunt and shakes his gut back and forth slowly, squeezing the fat between his fingers a few times. He's just going to have to get used to the new size. Cutting back on scarfing down every man that walks into his home isn't an option, and if they don't stop coming, he's just going to keep eating. Guess the weight isn't so bad, at least...it'll be nice when winter comes around for sure.

#v.ore #male vore #m/m vore #mlm vore #gay vore #vore story #oral vore #mass vore #digestion #fatal vore #weight gain #disposal #slashervore #jasonvoorheesvore

[manofthepipis]

*bursts through door* *a gazillion character analysis pages fall on the floor* HELLO!! I really hope you don’t mind! But like, I have so many ideas and thoughts about your characters that I’ve been dying to share with you!! I hope that’s alright! Here’s my in depth analysis of your five main Addisons! I gave them all a name starting with “P” LMAO IDK why

Sponsor: Persuader

-I’ll admit, he was hard for me to pinpoint. But I’m not one to back down from a challenge! I decided to make Sponsor the persuader because he has a very “electric” aura around them. Now when I say he persuades, he doesn’t manipulate obviously, he just hypes them up to be brave and that they’ve got this! (Sometimes…) Like in the previous chapter, they manage to persuade the group that “hey! I believe in Spamton!” And is able to get Banner and Survey to agree with them. (And later Clicks) He also has a streak of acting without thinking, like a “rip the bandaid of quick so it will sting less” (Mike incident and Swinging open the door to Spamton’s “room” respectfully) However, he does realize that their actions have consequences a little bit too late in the game. Sponsor is like the energy ball of the team. He keeps them hyped and determined! A spokesperson if you will. He’s like, a cool older bro (I guess younger in this scenario) that will you help you sneak out to try out your new motorbike on the empty road at like 3am or something.

Clicks: Protector

-Another given in the group, Clicks is calculated and logical. Not that he doesn’t show any emotion (far from it…) but in terms w/ Spam especially. Clicks is shown to be on guard. A sword and shield duo kinda? His sword side is that He’s quick to jump to conclusions about Spamton, but is also the first one to get shit done when he sees Spamton struggling with an episode (Panic Attack & Glitch Attack respectively) However, his shield side is that he actually really still deeply cares about our little spam man and the other Addisons. When they first encounter NEO, he’s the first one to actively protect the group and tells them to get to safety. Also, I’m curious to see Clicks side of the story with his thoughts on Spam. Looking at it his way, he probably feels regret, anger, pity and guilt. Like his deep dark feelings to who or whatever did this to Spam and I just think that he… has a tough time processing it because he’s in this state of shock and is supposed to look out for the group! Not the other way around. Someone help out my emotional constipated drama queen.

Survey: Peacekeeper

-This one was kinda easy with the whole, “Survey is the voice of reason!” thing. Survey was the one who had the biggest impact on talking Spamton down from his NEO rampage in the first place. They also try to put everyone’s feelings above their own, and multiple times during the story, they get onto Clicks for being too passive aggressive toward Spam. They are just trying their best by keeping the peace and being a shoulder to lean on. But, I can’t help but wonder if this is gonna take a toll on them(?) not that they don’t want to help Spam anymore, but that they might need a mental break for themselves. I don’t think they had enough time to process their OWN trauma from their past experience with NEO. Like in the previous chapter, Surv definitely seems to be struggling with an internal conflict of their own, help Spamton, or go somewhere safe kinda deal. Maybe Swatch can lend an ear(?) Also!! I just want to give them a big ol’ hug!

Banner: Provider

-I chose banner as a provider because he doesn’t really fit into the “peacekeeper” category, BUT he is shown continuously providing for the other addisons (ex: Hot Chocolate, New clothes for Spamton, Moral Support for Survey etc…) His strengths are that he’s determined, hopeful and optimistic. He’s able to provide a sense of agreement and comradeship with the others by just letting them know that he’s there for them etc,, plus with his dwindling confidence, a provider is a good role for him because he’s able to offer support and help, but just at the sidelines. Hopefully he can get his confidence up!! He seems passionate but anxious, and wants to prove he can do more. Also, Banner seems to be the mother hen of the group if I had to give one of ‘em that role. Like, I can 100% see him telling Clicks, “bring a coat with you it’s gonna be cold!” And then goes on a whole rant when Clicks did not in fact bring a coat while at the same time pulling a spare coat from his inventory to give to him LMAO I love this dude.

Spamton: Puppet

ARUGHAHD DUDE IM SORRY BUT. YOU ARE THE BEST AUTHOR I HAVE EVER MET THAT ACCURATELY PORTRAYS SPAMTON!!!! He’s a tragic but comedic character. You perfectly balanced his humor with his hurt like 10000/10 Spam writing!!!! I also enjoy how you write his mini episodes with his panic attacks, dissociation episodes, and his bouts of depression! (As someone who has gone though similar episodes myself, it’s executed very realistically!) also! I have some ideas on how the group can get spammy out of his static episodes! Some things that help me out of a dissociation episode is just putting my hands in some cold water or just splashing some water in your face. helps distract your brain from trailing off too much! Also giving Spamton something to fidget with might help his anxiety as well! As for talking to him out of a panic attack, just letting him know that his family’s got his back this time. Maybe something like a weighted blanket can help him with his panic? Idk but that usually helps me!! Also book these five a group therapy session asap LMAO maybe Ralsei can be their psychologist?

AAAAAA i love these thoughts i'm currently spinning ur analysis in my head like a microwave and these are just all so awesome i've read over them over and over because all of it is like exactly what i wanted to convey and then more

sponsor is the addison i haven't had too much time developing yet because i have a plan for them later on but what you wrote is exactly it!! :D he does have so much energy, but like electricity, enough consumption of it leads to shutting down. after spamton's disappearance, he couldn't handle much of the back and forth from the other ads, and kept to himself throughout it, not remarking on it knowing clicks and banner at the time were the most bitter. his 'acting without thinking' is also spot on and something they're aware of, which leads to them being too-hesitant at times and then vice versa. that and he's not very good with handling emotions, and has a view of things that isn't so past-driven. like it's not "oh we almost got killed bc of spam" it's "spams back! he's different but he's here". i made them the newest addison out of the bunch which is going to come into play a bit later with his connection to spamton, but i love the idea he's the spokesperson of the group, and a persuasive big bro figure. his energy, when it's there, is definitely contagious (also i could go on and on about this guy i love him sm)

i love this take on clicks as well being like a sword/shield because that!!! is such a good way to describe it!! like, unlike sponsor, he's very past-driven, but that leads to so many emotions that just take over. he's aware of consequences, a little bit more than the rest, but his ego gets in the way of the consequences of his own actions (like if he were the one talking down sneo instead of survey they'd all be nothing but spare pixels in seconds). he's a protector, both a successful and a failed one, and god his emotions are all over because of that as he's trying to process what happened while dealing with the aftermath AND getting over his resentment for spamton whenever it surfaces. dude is SO emotionally constipated it's ridiculous

i wanted to make survey the main pov from the beginning because of how they kinda tie everyone together and are more of an observer than the other ads (i thought about the idea of having a pov from each addison every once in awhile but that just seemed a little much). they are a peacekeeper :D but being a peacekeeper isn't the easiest job especially when something like this pops up. it is DEFINITELY taking a toll on them, and they are in no means a leader, so this responsibility is weighing on them like a lot. Though they are patient, understanding, and trustworthy there is a limit to how far that can be pushed. they still love spamton and the others but i agree they need a lil bit of a break :') (are they going to get one immediately???? lol the answer may not surprise u)

banner oh boy ok i have a little bit of bias (he's grown to be my favorite over time) but him being a provider is like exactly it :D it's how he expresses his care towards others is through items, distractions, optimism etc because that's the one thing hes really confident in is what he can make. he acts as a stand-in leader in the first part, but after failing to apologize to sneo, that confidence ship has taken a hit. he's not sure if he can lead anymore, and has started falling behind the others, but it's only because he doesn't know a lot of what happened to spamton. the guy acts on what he knows, and is aware he makes the wrong decision on inferences but if he can build up spamton's trust, find out how to help, then he can do something from there :'). btw i love this scenario of him pestering clicks about having a coat because it's so true. he won't let his addison family go out without a coat goddangit

with spamton (AAAAAA TYSM :'D I LOVE WRITING HIS CHARACTER AND SO THIS IS SO MUCH APPRECIATED <3 <3) gosh what can i NOT say about him?? he's just so !!! i love this lil puppet guy. his mental state is incredibly unstable, but he's the type of guy to want attention but not from his faults. i'm glad i could have his episodes be reminiscent of what those who have them go through while in spamton's pov of having corrupted software. i strive to be as realistic as possible while also keeping him just a lil computer guy :D tho i like the idea of the water getting him out of the static, because a physical distraction like that is actually so helpful. the addisons definitely got his back this time, and actually in the next chapter i have a lot written about their ideas to conquer the static while also giving him something that will help him but also challenge him a little bit as he makes his return to this new normal.

#just i'm screaming and eating this ask tysm this made like my whole week #also i love the idea of a addison group session with ralsei leading it it's so funny and clever to me #i'm thinking about this awkward-alone-for-years-just-understanding-friendship-himself guy trying to calm down a bunch of damaged salesmen #one of which tried to kill him and his new friends some time ago over the [[SOUL]] #but while a group session is a good idea for spamton #i think he'd benefit just from finding his ground in this world he (as of current knowledge) knows he can't leave #the guy needs his friendships back while also remembering he'll never be the addison he once was and also knowing that's ok #thank you thank you for sharing your thoughts on my lil fic i love them sm #asks #long post #fanfic

[leggerefiore]

Thinking of a yandere Warden Ingo and Emmet who are so awful, even Volo is horrified. Imagine if, in some twisted turn of events, Volo ends up actually saving you from them, using Giratina's powers to help keep you hidden away. Obviously Volo has his own issues but between him and the twins, he's a much lesser evil. Idk, I have a soft spot for stories where the villain ends up being a hero due to the existence of a greater threat. Kind of like Volo and the twins got role-swapped I guess.

The Twin Wardens are terrifying duo. They understand each other without having to say a word and everything between them is completely natural. If they chose to share a partner, especially the supposed Hero of Hisui, they would be extremely thorough. Long winded discussions about the best way to keep an eye on you while attending to their duties as Wardens. They also cannot arouse suspicion about what happened to you. Currently, people believe you were attack and likely killed by wild pokemon. Just what they wanted and had staged the scene. Of course, not everyone believed this story. Some claimed the scene was fabricated; made to sell some of lie that you were dead.

Ingo and Emmet both ignored those people, too happy to finally have you in their arms. You are smothered in affection and praises. Both remain at your sides as much as they can, but they cannot shriek on their duties. It would make them appear suspicious. One goes, while they other stays. Sometimes even disguising themselves as the other to help further see the illusion. Emmet is clearly their preferred keeper in these cases. Ingo knows the Diamond Clan Warden will keep you in line. You slowly break down in their care. They both treat you better than anyone in this world had, but had gone about obtaining your affection in the worst way possible.

Someone, who had been observing you closely, had put together what happened to you. They felt sick at the strange game of house the Twin Wardens seemed enchanted with playing. Volo clutches his hands tightly. First, you ruin his plans. Then, you ruin his second idea by getting yourself trapped by two insane men. It was hard to lure the overprotective Warden away while the other worked, but the blond managed to do it with a wild alpha pokemon much too close to the mountain cabin. He was quick to snatch you away, clamping a hand over your mouth so you did not alert Emmet. He sneaked away with you to the hidden retreat.

If you returned to Jublife, the news would get back to them. Volo needed you for his plans and somewhere... He felt disgusted. Would he place himself above their actions? No, he perfectly comprehended them. He was desperate to get what he wanted, too, but at the same time... His heart ached when you clung to him with tears pouring from your eyes and thanking him for saving you. Lady Cogita even seemed to view him differently after learning what he had done. He felt strange. What had you done to him? His plans to meet and usurp Arceus found themselves on hold as he worked to rehabilitate you while keeping you safe from the twins.

He felt the eyes staring at him as he wandered through the highlands to read the ancient texts inscribed in stone.

The Twin Wardens faced him with expressions that might have made a lesser man cower in fear.

Pokemon Wielder Volo would have to battle these two, it seemed.

#ingo.ima #emmet.ima #volo.ima #yanstuff #pretty blond man returns to bully 35 year old men

[trickstarbrave]

💖, 🥺, 🎶, and 🤲 for the Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask! Any, all, none! 🖤

💖 What made you start writing?

oh god. i dont remember. i have been writing fanfics since i was like 12 in middle school. i guess i just saw fanfic for the first time then and went "holy shit you can make your own stories???????" and went off the rails. never rly stopped tbh

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

i love just like. writing the little physical touches that show how close two characters are. little couple interactions. nerevar having voryn feel his beating heart, voryn fussing over nerevar's hair, either of them comforting each other by rubbing the other's arm and shoulders.... touch is such a fun thing to play with in fics and i think can communicate a lot about how two character's feel or how they work together. idk. two characters touch tenderly and brain go brrrrr

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

sometimes yeah! if i wanna set a mood i'll listen while i write or before on loop for ideas. chapter 11 of moon and star i wrote while listening to the song "take me back to eden" and "rain" by sleep token and i think it shows tbh. but maybe im just insane i cant stop listening to sleep token please help

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

sure. actually i rly do wanna share this one rly bad actually but mind the spoilers (also i gotta change some things in it LMAO im shifting stuff around atm if it changes later u know why)

He was in a tent. A nordic tent to be precise. He recognized the style from when he was captured, though this tent was far more elegant and homely than the one they kept prisoners in. There was only a dim lantern lighting up, illuminating the space with a soft, golden-orange glow. 

Voryn stripped off his robes, letting the fabric fall from his shoulders with practiced grace and elegance, knowing another was watching him. Gooseflesh broke out across his skin as he shivered slightly from the cold air meeting him. He tried to suppress it, but it was far too difficult in this climate. Yet, he wasn’t cold for long; as his robes met the carpeted ground two large, calloused hands were rubbing against his shoulders, before warm arms took him into an embrace. 

“Daelha,” Despite saying a chimeri word, the nordic accent on the man’s tongue was thick and heavy. But in its own way it was endearing—he adored Voryn so much he wanted to refer to Voryn as ‘love’ in Voryn’s tongue so he knew his earnestness. “So beautiful, as always…” He marveled, gently stroking along his skin. Voryn had to suppress a needy hiss from the brush of rough skin on his lower stomach only fanning the flames of his desire more. Then, he twisted, facing his lover properly. 

Blue eyes stared at him with warmth and affection twinking in them, a heavy grey-brown beard on a man who barely stood taller than him. Yet, despite the satisfaction that came with knowing he was loved, there was a gnawing at his core that wouldn’t go away. A hunger that was left unfulfilled. Something so tantalizingly close, and yet so far. 

Laid out on the cot, his want only grew stronger as he lost himself in the body of the powerful warrior on top of him. He moaned and sang and cried just as he knew he enjoyed it, but part of him wasn't there at that moment. A fragment of his heart was somewhere further away, and its absence was deafeningly loud. The blue of this man’s eyes was more like snow kissed mountains than the blaring hot sky. His body was too large and too tall, even if in its own way it was satisfying to be held and thrusted into by him. His beard too, while part of him enjoyed the way it tickled him when they kissed and curled up together, reminded him of what he was missing. 

A face crossed his mind as he screwed his eyes shut, and guilt followed. A golden face with snow-white hair and a devilish grin. He always felt guilty thinking of him when making love to another, yet it was sometimes impossible not to. Voryn could tell this was another one of those nights—another night he could only find release by imagining making sweet love to Nerevar instead. His lover’s calloused hands turned into the fantasy of Nerevar touching him, and the nordic accent fades softly, the tone shifting in his ears. He wondered what Nerevar would say, if he was under the other chimer. Would Nerevar affectionately call him ‘love’ just like the nord did? Would he be sweet and gentle with all the brutal strength in his body? Or would he be rough and cruel? 

Voryn sometimes felt like he hated Nerevar, especially in moments like this. Neht haunted his thoughts, and yet cruelly ignored him. When he was captured, Nerevar didn’t even come to his rescue, instead stationing himself on the other side of Resdayn. While Voryn was getting himself out of that mess, seducing their enemy in exchange for freedom and information while his heart grieved his mother, Nerevar was trying to win the queen’s favor. When he was finally freed and saw him again, the mer only awkwardly patted him on the shoulder and gave a half hearted, sheepish smile and said he was happy to see Voryn again. 

He wondered if Nerevar wished he had died instead. 

The feeling was burning hot in his chest when he thought of it, tears stinging his eyes. His lover brushed them away with all the tenderness he always craved from Neht, and that only made his guilt grow. The leader of House Dagoth instead moaned louder, wrapping his long legs around him, and buried his face in his shoulder. His guilt ached like a raw wound as he forced himself to think about Nerevar again, about Nerevar kissing him and fucking him to completion. Of Nerevar wanting him just as badly as Voryn wanted him. 

And it was because of that Voryn knew he didn't deserve this man either. If Nerevar was horrible, then Voryn was just as bad, making love to someone as gentle as him while thinking of his oldest friend. 

“Daelha…” Voryn mumbled back as he was kissed over and over again on the cot, pressed firmly under his lover’s weight. After sex he was always affectionate, something that made Voryn feel guiltier the longer it continued. At least he knew he was guilty and wanted to do away with the habit. In time he hoped the feeling would leave him, and he could finally love this man with all his heart as he deserved…

Voryn sat straight up out of bed with a start, panic rushing through him. He felt nauseous—positively sick, his mind trying to make sense of what he saw in his dream.

It was realistic. Far too realistic for comfort. He could taste the man on his tongue, feel the chill in the air, and then the heat of the nord’s body. It felt like a memory he was reliving, not a dream. 

But how could that be? How could he conceive of a lover that wasn’t Nerevar? How could he lay beneath someone else and hold back moaning Nerevar’s name? How could part of him hate Nerevar and hate himself all at once? And why did part of him still think of that other man’s face and feel a pang of longing and guilt even now that he was awake? 

The information sunk in as he forced himself to ignore the sex that made him feel too many incomprehensible emotions. Nerevar hadn’t rescued him. He had used his trained skills of seduction to get himself out of it. He laid beneath the leader of the nords and whispered sweet nothings and promises to help him. He…

Voryn had taken Ysmir Wulfharth as a lover. Continued to lay with him long after he needed to for freedom. Whispered promises and battle plans in his ear, as he worked to find the heart of a god.

Voryn had betrayed his people, his country, and Nerevar. 

“Voryn…?” Nerevar sleepily awoke, rolling over to look up at him. In the moonlight filtering in through the windows, Voryn could see the blue of his eyes and bile climbed up his throat as he scrambled out of bed. 

“Voryn?” Nerevar asked again, now more awake and worried. “I need some air.” Voryn said swiftly, tugging on a robe. “I just need some air.” 

He rushed to the balcony, dry heaving. The cool air provided some relief, but he felt even more ashamed of himself, unable to make sense of such a revelation. 

Voryn would never betray Nerevar, would he? Nerevar had told him he only stood against him because the Heart of Lorkhan had driven him to madness. That he wasn’t in his right mind when he attacked Nerevar. And Voryn had believed him—why else would he ever try to harm Neht if it wasn’t because he wasn’t able to think clearly? 

He could feel the hate burning in his chest though, white hot and angry. He knew the emotion was something vile and twisted. Hate, rage, and vindictive spite. He loved and wanted the man who denied him and pushed him away, keeping him at arm's length. Voryn wanted him so much he despised Nerevar, until it twisted him and corrupted him. He loved Nerevar so much it turned to pure hatred and rage that he couldn’t have him. And yet, even in that swirling pit of rage over the fact that Nerevar had essentially thrown him to the hounds, he still needed him to the point he hated himself. Until it was driving him mad. Until he saw Nerevar in another and desperately tried to claw those fragments of Nerevar closer and closer. 

Voryn had seen who he used to be, like a reflection in a shattered mirror. And he did not like what he saw—what he knew. 

“Are you alright?” Nerevar asked, now dressed in a loose robe himself. The hand rubbing soothing circles was too similar to how the memory of Wulfharth touching him, and the shame made him burn and ache with self loathing. He wished he could curl up and die right there, that he had the nerve to fling himself off this balcony, but instead all he could do was grip the balcony railing until his knuckles went white as tears rolled down his face. “Voryn…?” Nerevar’s voice was soft and sweet, unlike the voice of Nerevar he remembered laying under another man. 

In this life, Nerevar came for him. In this life, Nerevar loved and embraced him. Voryn was ever grateful for that, taking immense joy and solace in the fact he was not lost like the other version of himself. 

But now Voryn knew what kind of twisted, ugly person he would be without that love. What a horrible person he would become. There was no excuse for what he did—he wanted love selfishly—wanted it because he felt entitled, because it wasn’t given to him. He wanted Nerevar all to himself, and selfishly sought to comfort himself in a way that might harm the other for his own benefit. And a core part of him, that seed of something vile, was still inside him whether he wanted it to be or not.

“I’m sorry…” Voryn sobbed, unable to hold back the shaking in his body. “Neht, I’m so—please…” 

“Voryn—” Nerevar took him by the shoulders and turned him around, forcing Voryn to face him. The look of pure concern on his face, the love and adoration and honesty swirling in his eyes was too much. 

Voryn turned sharply again, throwing up over the balcony. Nerevar—kind, sweet Nerevar—pulled his hair out of his face as he indecently wretched and continued to gag long after the contents of his stomach were empty. And then, like a broken doll, his legs collapsed as he sank onto the stone balcony, trembling and sobbing.

“Shh…” Nerevar soothed him, before gently scooping him up off the cold stone. He left the doors to the balcony open to let in the much appreciated cool breeze and laid Voryn on the bed, letting him curl up. With gentle, clumsy hands he pulled the hair from his face once more, braiding it quickly and messily just to get it out of the way, tying it off. And then he went to the water pitcher in the room bringing a glass for Voryn and also soaking a rag, wiping it across his clammy forehead. 

Unworthy, Voryn’s mind hissed. How unworthy you are of his kindness when you would betray him so callously. How cruel you are to hurt him and lie to him just because you selfishly wanted him to love you back.

And his mind was correct—how could Voryn be worthy when he was only loyal right now because he got what he wanted? How is he worthy of Nerevar when he was so loving and kind like this, while Voryn hated and despised him in the past? He was selfish, greedy, and cruel to hurt the man he claimed to love because his affections weren’t returned. Not even that harlot Vivec slept with Ysmir Wulfharth just because he couldn’t have Nerevar.

“I think you ate something you shouldn’t have,” Nerevar’s voice was soft. “It clearly didn’t agree with your stomach.” Ah, how was he still so busy fussing over Voryn like this? Hadn’t Nerevar seen him in the past, so cruel and vile? How could Nerevar treat him so kindly now that Voryn didn’t deserve it? How could Neht love him after all that Voryn had done?

He only loves you because he lied to himself, the sinister voice in his mind whispers. He tells himself you didn’t mean it, that you were driven mad by divine power. How could he ever love you knowing all that you’ve done? He would hate you, just as much as you hate yourself.

#moon and star spoilers #my writing #thank u 🥺