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truly-a-snitch · 4 months

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helloo just found this blog and love ur work <3

it says requests r open but I don't trust myself and so if they are, can I request pegging w dazai and chuuya (separate ofc) w a dom reader (idk why I'm specifying is it even possible to make a sub reader peg 💀💀)

im just a woman w simple needs ik it's boring 😔👊

never fear anon i too need to peg dazai and chuuya this is not boring at all. youre gonna ravish these losers

also yes it is possible for a sub to be doing the pegging !! dom/sub is just about whos in charge/who has power in any given encounter, not whos topping/bottoming. (see: succubus reader/dazai drabble i did, dazai was on top but subbing) thank you for specifying because i probably wouldve made this dom chuuya if u hadnt lol

warnings/tags: gn reader !!, can be read as strap or dick, praise w both, hair pulling w dazai, body worship sorta w dazai, brat!chuuya, youre a lil mean to chuuya (sexual style), overstim w chuuya, pet names used: darling, dearest, thing (for dazai); hon, toy (for chuuya)

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Dazai

He was so easy to please when you actually managed to get him bent over something- usually a counter in your kitchen, though this time you had actually made it to the bedroom before bending him over. All it took was a few nice words and well-placed kisses, and he unraveled underneath you. Today seemed to be no exception.

"Ah, fuck," Osamu whined when you thrusted into him particularly harshly, melting into the sheets.

"Shh, I know, darling," you teased, admiring the way he squirmed under you, barely able to hold himself up anymore. You had covered him with hickies so dark you wondered for a moment how long they would take to fade. (A week? Two?) "Such a good little thing for me, taking me so well. There we go, dearest."

He was shaking already. As was expected. The poor darling was incredibly touchstarved, it only made sense he'd be so sensitive.

"Aw, you gonna cum? Poor thing," you said, fingers finding his hair and carding gently through, then yanking his head back harshly and earning a whimper at the movement. His mouth opened to try and formulate a reply, but he fell into moans again instead at a harsh thrust on your part. His arms gave out under him, and he melted into the sheets all over again.

"Fuck," he hissed. If you didn't know him better you'd assume you had hurt him. "Fuck, 'm close."

You cooed gently when he let out a moan that hitched up into a whimper, somehow falling even more pliant under you. You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his neck, and he shivered.

"Go ahead and cum whenever, darling," you said, and only a moment later he let out a broken groan as he came. You gently worked him through it, only pulling out when he was twitching from the aftershocks of orgasm and his fingers scrambled for hold in the sheets, as if he wanted to anchor himself to something. As if he feared you'd overstimulate him.

(You weren't above that, so he was definitely right to be worried, but you would just save that for next time.)

Chuuya

Chuuya talks a lot of shit for a man who so easily melts under you. He likes to tease you, get you all riled up while he's protected by the veil of being out in public. Always keeps it up until you get back to your shared apartment where- if he's teased you enough- he usually gets dragged to the bedroom by the collar of his shirt. (Or, on days you feel like meticulously unwinding him and teasing him right back, a palm pressed firmly to his lower back.)

Like right now.

Because, as usual, he had gone and teased you all day. It had worsened during dinner, with him purposely using phrases and pet names and the like, ones that he knew got your mind wandering. Ones he knew he'd deal with the consequences of the moment you got home.

And he was pinned beneath you right now, one arm twisted almost painfully behind his back and the other struggling to hold himself up.

He let out a whine as he tried to rock his hips back into yours.

"Hm? What's that, hon?" you asked, gripping his arm a bit tighter, twisting it a bit farther- and his hips stilled again. He breathed in pointedly, and a shiver visibly ran up his spine. "Feels good, I take it?"

"You are so mean," he muttered, voice shaky. Almost breaking. It was as if his resolve was about to give in on itself, about to collapse under its own weight.

"I know, how dare I give my darling toy what he's been begging for all night," you teased. "Don't think I didn't see what you were doing at dinner, hon. Those bedroom eyes are going to be the death of me one of these days."

He shivered again, and the tension began to melt out of his frame. You recognized this. He was close.

"Aw, hon, you gonna cum?" you teased, pace relentless. He nodded and let out a low moan. "Already? I've hardly had my fun yet."

Chuuya shivered again, let out a sharp whine, and a moment later he was spilling over. The tension in his body completely evaporated, and a moment later he was biting back an overstimulated sob as you kept going.

"Fuck, wait, it hurts," he said, voice shakily. "Slow down."

"Hm?" you hummed, then pretended to contemplate. "No, hon, I don't think so. You wanted me so badly earlier, whispering the dirtiest things in my ear on the train. You could hardly contain yourself. It'd be downright cruel of me to stop now."

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #writing #bsd x gn reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #dazai x gn!reader #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya x gn reader #chuuya x you #chuuya x y/n #bsd nsft

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ikilledamanforthisurl · 1 year

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Minami Anonx7 If it helps Literally everyone I have known ever has brought up that I sound like a literal cartoon mobster henchman every time I call people boss so i've just embraced it now fully. Everyone is Boss To Me as I sling my guns goofily to Get Da Coppers. But I SEE…. i've been playing through the yakuza games chronologically I’m currently watching through y4 right now but id like to watch dead souls afterwards. It is extremely funny though the idea of watching them completely ramshackled out of order. Anyways. 1) I personally would love to play the minami centric side game also + I literally cannot imagine it’s anymore embarrassing a thing to want then me daydreamng abt the side game id like to make for my yakuza OC and 2) SOOOOOOO true I love it when Nishida and Minami are like sort of a awful duo together also I admire your like notes about M construction. I haven’t given it much thought yet on how it actually works but that’s mostly bc I have family who work in construction so I make myself laugh thinking Majima has no idea what the hell he’s doing LOL but anyways real…… Idk if you've ever read it but there’s an awesome fic on ao3 where it’s basically about how Nishida was also a prisoner of the hole and this like sort of implied idea or like at least smth I saw someone bring up before in conjunction idea that “Whilst Minami tries to emulate Majima Nishida actually IS like Majima in a way and the result of that has made him jaded/heavily desensitised” which i think adds a really interesting layer to the Relationship to think abt ep if it were canon. So this is why Desperately desperately I need a M construction side game I need something to focus on the majima family outside of him and honestly especially on Nishida…… tangent but there is so much interesting potential w him I want to see it explored !!!!!! Last note here but have u seen Minami's scene in RGG online before? I just found an English translation of it today and it had me very biting and chewing over A) Minami getting legitimately upset when his fake accent was mocked, not bc it was a slight against HIM but against MAJIMA and B) the sort of self deprecating mention he makes of what good is he if he’s not strong enough / good at smth before it immediately gets pushed aside by him and C) the implication that Minami is genuinely attached to Kamurocho/wants to protect it. If u havent i can try and find the post I saw abt it but. Much to think about

I HAVE SEEN THE RGGO STORY IT KILLS ME KILLS ME KILLS ME EVERY TIME. biting and chewing is a good way to describe it. have YOU seen the Nishida one? Minami shows up very briefly and i can practically already sense your reaction to his couple of lines (i grab and SHAKE him i shake him so much)

its so funny how hes so close to having any kind of depth and then he brushes it off immediately like "yeah this whole clan fuckup bothers me n has got me feelin insecure .lol lmao anyways". like as much as its kind of annoying as a fan of the character its also unfortunately realistic? EYE do that. you wouldnt catch me dead elaborating and having a nice rock-talk if my life was in the midst of being tableflipped. lol + lmao + anyways is the best you're gonna get

also, as a bonus tidbit before i go figure out how to format this idea for a tumblin post, this is half the setup for the Saejima teacher idea i was playing with ☝ because i already know RGG is NEVER going to put any meaningful spotlight on the Family members who've been essentially left to pick up their bootstraps with the big whoopsie of y7. sorry that i keep talking about it in code i dont wanna spoil nobody, in spite of not caring abt them myself i know others do 🙇‍♂️ i'm taking matters into my own hands and i am going to explore the IMPLICATIONS of the BIGGEST FAMILY POSSIBLY EVER going thru what it does. and i'm going to grab Minami by his non-existent shirt collar and i'm going to shake him around until he talks about how this affects him at least a little bit. i'll stop coding this in the Saejima Teacher plot post so you can decide if it matters 2 you or not and read up when i get to it btws

also your point about Nishida is spot on. you don't keep the kind of man who trembles at every conversation he has for that many years without breaking him down and making him (comparatively) jaded in such a stressful line of work. on top of that, Majima literally tests this man like its some sort of divine Greek-mythos punishment put unto him by the gods..... he's absolutely jaded underneath that shaky deadpan stare. Nishida may never outwardly resemble Majima, persona or the genuine self, but he absolutely rubs off on him and influences him heavily. this is the kinda relationship most Gokudo in the series seem to have with their bosses when they're worth a damn, Saejima was ready to walk to the ends of the earth for his patriarch due to the positive impact he had on him, and Majima likewise for his boss, though moreso in the opposite direction. not wholly..... Majima's priority of strength begets some kind of twisted respect towards Shimano. I wonder if he lacks that respect for Sagawa, who as far as I remember never physically overpowers or threatens Majima except for when he's already down and weakened in some form.......? getting off track. point is Oyajis are very very influential to their precious boys, their Family will reflect them (personality, how he runs the joint, etc) regardless if they want it to or not. Majimemegoro has some baller fics exploring all this and it's a large part of what influences me today.....

Speaking of, i would love the title of that fic you've mentioned... i'm a little picky of which fanfic i'll give the time of day but Nishida also having experience with Anagura is tantalising. like that's so tragic.... that's so evil...... i'm sitting here wondering to myself if he was a survivor or.. yknow........ because no one else, in canon, "made it out" of Anagura alive. or, more specifically, no victims make it out of Anagura. Majima was always the exception. either option makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it...... cause if he is another victim then the way Majima treats him is just.... and if he's not then is his constant dedication to him like a form of atonement....... oouuhhhrggg......... im going to hit the wall...........

also! i'd love to hear if you have any unique takes regarding M.Con considering your family...... when i say im pulling ideas out of my ass i mean it. you've got access to a unique perspective methinks. closest i got is other people's accounts and (shudders) ausgov roadworkers i see occasionally............

also also! when you get to dead souls please bitch to me the moment something goes awry i HATE-love dead souls.... the characterisation makes me stub my toe repeatedly in frustration. its not bad and i dont want to be the NO FUN ALLOWED twat but ugghghhghghrghrhgrhg the zombie setting is not handled in a way that engages me. thats all i'll say bc otherwise ill be here forever venting all my nitpicks that i SHOULD throw on twitter but wont bc i got hardcore DS dickrider mutuals who'll get sad in my mentions at best and maybe take it personally at worst

#ikildaman shut the fuck up #thank you for your service minami anon goon(getting me to speak at length #i love these asks its like a hop skip and a jump away from resembling a writers room #i love bouncing ideas off of ppl and getting new ones back....... joy joyous joy #i DO have a friend i could probably get away with doing this with but i think theyll get mad at me for making em read so much english LMAO #he puts up with my deranged bullshit enough as it is (and i am thankful #kuppi if you see this. kidding ik you wont but KISSIES!

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troglobite · 2 years

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it may loosely be beginning to sink in that the reason i don’t want to let go of hating myself or being critical of myself or being in that headspace where like. offering myself kindness is repulsive.

is bc

if it’s that easy

then why did others not do it?

not sure i really want to reckon w a world where ppl treating me like shit for so long, and even continuing to do it, isn’t bc i’m inherently unlovable or awful or even just annoying.

like if i’m terrible or awful and it’s my fault, then at least something makes sense.

idk.

but also whenever i talk/think abt this shit abt how ppl treated me terribly or something i’m always like

“it wasn’t that fucking bad”

except

my parents had me moving schools repeatedly due to bullying and the fact that i was nearly sick every morning w dread bc i didn’t want to go to school

and my mom put me in therapy when i was young bc of my anxiety

and when the therapist said nice things to me i clung to them as tightly as i could

even when i insulted myself (as part of an exercise) she complimented me for how my brain worked, being specific and categorizing things

and thinking abt now makes me wanna cry lol

or y’know

that time where some girls who bullied me all the time made friends w my only Really Good friend at school

and she kept abandoning me for them

so they drew up a fucking contract for it

then immediately breached contract

and yelled and laughed at me

i ran crying to my math teacher

nothing was fixed

or--

yeah i’m just. uh. thinking abt it all. now.

i really only got through most of that bc. i hated them right back. i didn’t...bully them. i never said/did anything to their face. i just. coped. alone. w my parents. by saying all the things i hated abt them. insulting their intelligence and their priorities. insulting them by calling them mean and petty and lazy. never to their face. but it was all i had to feel better.

and i heard the “stop reacting and they’ll leave you alone” bullshit so many times

but truly my mom tried everything to help

my parents talking to teachers and other parents only ever made it worse

teachers tried helping and it never stopped

past a certain point, teachers and parents stop intervening.

so you kind of just have to cope. on your own.

i both want to just Break and completely crumble bc i can feel myself holding everything together w fucking. scotch tape. and i’m tired. bc i can barely access my emotions anymore. i’m so far past the point of burnout. i just.

idk.

and at the same time i’d like to just continue on in this bullshit and maybe find some productivity in here instead. idk. focus on things that Actually Matter.

i say things in the past hurt me. i talk abt it. but i’m dissociated from it. i don’t feel it.

when i feel it, like when i talk abt my dad, i actually dissociate for days straight. if i think abt my childhood too long and too in-depth, i feel like i’m back there. and nothing feels....grounded.

so on the one hand i want to Break, on the other i want to coast along in this fuzzy bullshit, and on another hand i know that looking into it. is dangerous.

like.

my therapist now keeps saying--not recently, but has--that. looking to the past and picking everything apart can sometimes be helpful, but what’s most helpful is the here and now.

and i think. i just.

i need to process trauma. idk what that means.

but it feels like i can’t move past it. it feels like i can’t even give myself permission to like myself or love myself or feel secure in any way until...it’s processed.

but idk what that means or looks like. so i guess i’ll have to ask her and talk to her.

bc the thing is like.

it’s just been trauma on top of trauma lately w the pandemic and everything.

i think i’ve processed my freshman year of college & the shit that followed it. i think i have. i’m not inherently afraid of school or classes anymore.

but it’s hard to parse since i’m always afraid of ppl hating me, talking abt me behind my back, etc.

and it really didn’t help that the woman i wanted to work w for my MA/PhD ended up just--hating me. immediately. she clearly didn’t even want me in the program. she tried to dissuade me from everything i loved. and it was. patently awful. and scrambling to get my committee for my MA exam bc she couldn’t be on it--not w how much she hated me (and she never even bothered asking abt it or checking in, she didn’t want to be there)--that sucked, too.

god bless the professor who helped me through the program, i owe him everything.

idfk man.

idk how to PROCESS things. idk what that MEANS. it feels so vague. and i guess i should just read a fucking book abt it, huh? bc that’s clearly what needs to happen.

i can’t do anything until i’ve dealt w all that.

bc ultimately i’m going to be incapable of allowing myself to do anything else in my situation until i remove the roadblocks.

“do this dbt workbook” i’m sorry this presumes that i love and care abt myself, and i don’t

“well you’re fighting so hard to stay alive, that must mean something” it means i’m a coward and afraid of death, i have a very strong survival instinct, and v little will to live

“try making new friends, making connections, taking chances” i already have done that and it didn’t work or didn’t help, and doing it is fucking exhausting. i’m afraid to talk to new people. fuck, i’m even afraid to talk to people who are already my friend. idk if they really like me! idk if we’re REALLY friends! i’m constantly afraid of doing something wrong!

like. i cannot do or fix these things without removing the roadblocks

i hate myself

i cannot think abt my childhood without dissociating/derealizing/depersonalizing

i fundamentally do not think i am a good or decent person. i think i am awful, annoying, demanding, horrible. i think i am only redeemable through services i provide others. things have never gone well when i ask for the same in return--or even just respect and boundaries.

i avoid people and i am desperately lonely

i’m just. tallying up. all the Big Things that make me not trust people. and it’s like.

fucking duh, you stupid bitch

like. multiple bullies and some scattered issues w teachers at first school

most of a year at a private christian school, i don’t even need to expand beyond that

so. many. bullies. at my third school. including the story above abt the contract.

fourth school was huge. one teacher was actually responsible for bullying me. i still remember some things she said and did. i was forced to switch classes in the middle of the day when no one else had to. it was stupid. and some ppl were fatphobic, others were homophobic, some transphobic, some racist (i know how white i look, that’s just how awful this kid was), and one kid humiliated me in front of the whole class. though i also did that, myself, plenty of times.

i stayed here for the rest of middle school. got called all my first slurs here.

and then finally i got to high school and things evened out. freshman year was bad, but things got better.

some teachers didn’t like me. which i hated. but my friends stayed consistent. even if i never belonged to a friend group, and had to rely on my friends--who were all part of other core groups, without me--taking pity on me and keeping in touch in other ways. i never quite. belonged. but at least people had other shit to do and left me alone.

then college. the admin harassed me and chased me out of the school, while other students talked behind my back, and the ppl who should’ve been my friends called me annoying to my face. and my whole life was blowing apart thanks to failing classes, autistic burnout, and a miserable time w my mom.

then i left, we moved, that was Spider House. i’ve still never recovered.

online community college. most horrifying man ever as my prof. i still can’t think/talk abt it. i reported him. idk if anything ever came from that.

then finally here. an undergrad i enjoyed. made some friends who’d come and go. one person who tried to groom me into her target. i managed to ghost her before it got too bad.

excitement. friends. a core group of friends.

then grad school elsewhere in the country. living on my own. terrified.

and being gaslit and having my fear and anxiety shrugged off and ignored by friends who should’ve loved me and cared abt that. i was second class to them.

then the pandemic

i was going to quit school, but i stuck it out

then the prof who treated me like shit. “the” prof. there were two. and also some unfortunate stuff in my first semester poetry writing class.

then i just--got abandoned by the group of friends for asking for reciprocal care, and wanting to talk abt how i’d been feeling. i didnt’ want to leave, necessarily, but i saw them move on without me so i had to just. stop.

and now. this other group of friends has been uncommunicative for months. i want to run this game w them and i’ve gotten responses from only half the group. and it’s just. looking harder every time.

and then of course everything since late august.

and also this whole year of fighting to keep my job and get any information, being discarded like so much trash.

i still don’t have a job.

is it any wonder i hate myself? even ppl who claim to love me just. don’t hear me.

i read fanfics where a character in a relationship (or entering one) keeps going like “but...why me? i don’t get it” bc they’re used to being used or appreciated for what they can do, then tossed aside. no one caretakes them--until whoever it is they’re in relationship w in the fic.

and every time i read a fic like that my stomach physically hurts from my lungs down to my hips. bc. i want that. i want to be wanted and loved and cared for.

bc the other part of this is--

other ppl only want my care and love in certain ways. if i’m too honest and vulnerable and sweet--the way i want to be--it’s too much for them.

it’s why i miss my dog so much and wish i had her back. on top her being my best most wonderful friend and dog and pet and family member, i could shower her w affection and be myself. she would lay on me and i could snuggle her and tease her and kiss/smooch her all the time. hug her. pet her. she’d sleep on top of or next to me, curled around me. she got excited to see me. she was comforted by me (though in her last few years she needed my mom, which i get). when we adopted her, she was afraid in the car and she hid behind my back. and she always slept in MY bed. the cuddle clone we have of her still sleeps in my bed.

and i miss that.

everyone saw how weak and pathetic i am and decided to kick me for it.

and that’s not to say i never had fun, or there weren’t wonderful people in my life. without them i’d probably have never made it to this point--i probably would’ve died/killed myself.

but it does. hurt. to feel like no one really wants you around. they just enjoy your presence sometimes. but you’re an afterthought. or it’s conditional. just permanently stuck trying to figure out what parts of me they like or want, or who i have to be for them, to get them to stick around.

and idk what to do with all of this.

admitting it all at once could maybe kill me. even now i’m not even crying. i got sad abt my dog, bc i always do. i miss her so fucking much.

but all of this is just like. i feel empty and pathetic. and stuck. and idk what to do abt any of it.

and comparatively, so many ppl have had so much more bullshit to deal with. including so many of the ppl who’ve hurt me in my life. like why does it matter, that i hurt?

that’s where i get stuck. my pain doesn’t matter. it just doesn’t. no one wants to take the time to listen to it or really let me feel it.

they just want to stop it--or stop me talking abt it. bc it’s inconvenient. and it’s ugly.

and part of me says it’s me that’s wrong and broken and i deserve this

and another part balks at the idea that that could be materially true, instead of morally true

as in--

what if i have a personality disorder? what if there’s something we’ve missed? what if all of this really is my fault, but not in the esoteric “i’m unlovable” way, but in the “i have materially fucked up everything in my life, within my own capacity and doing, and my suffering is my own fault” kind of way?

my therapist mentioned that a couple weeks ago as i had a meltdown abt my mom seeming to disregard me and my feelings entirely. making me feel like i don’t matter at all. bc she chooses what matters, what feelings are real, and how she expresses her care for me.

and my therapist mentioned a group she’s in w audhd therapists who treat audhd clients, and how sometimes bc of everything else, you might miss something like a personality disorder. that could actually be responsible for some things.

and i shut down.

bc what if it’s all my fault? like actually my own doing? what if i did all of this to myself? how do i even come back from that.

she didn’t press the issue. she only brought it up bc i kept asking what’s wrong w me, why am i so hard to love, why don’t ppl listen to me or care abt me. so i’m not mad at her abt it.

but i’ve just been stuck on it.

and i really just need to talk to her.

i’m sick of being in stasis.

i have no friends to really. TALK to. everyone has other things going on, and i don’t have the capacity to be there for them--and i can’t stomach the thought of going to someone to ask for help when i haven’t been there for them recently. bc i don’t like when ppl do it to me, i literally CANNOT do that to other ppl.

but i don’t have the energy. to be there for them. or be fun. or even be a person or a friend.

and i’m tired.

and i just rant and ramble in therapy abt how awful i feel.

and i just. need to DO something abt it. and i guess. this’ll be it. i’m going to push for this. bc maybe this is it.

i don’t need to pinpoint everything like a connect the dots. i just want to. process. it. whatever that means. idk what it means.

but it feels unprocessed.

it feels like i’ve lived my entire life coping, sublimating, suppressing, repressing. and then learning just enough stuff abt how to heal and adjust to convince myself that i did it, when i haven’t actually done jackshit.

it’s all right there, really easy to access, hard to avoid. i just pretend i’m fine most of the time. and it’s getting harder to do that. i don’t have anything to fall back on. without distractions, a context, a purpose, a goal, friends, i’m just a fucked up piece of shit who’s still sad abt stuff that happened 20 years ago.

and idk what to do to fix it. bc the thought of healing myself--i still hate myself. i don’t think i deserve to heal. it’s this constant argument in my head. and idk what to do abt it.

so i guess therapy will be fun. how great that i have no income to pay for these appts anymore, so my savings are all just gonna whittle away until someone deigns to hire me, a complete fucking loser.

i have to stop. idk. whatever.

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theromanticsoulsearcher · 2 years

Text

Picking up where I last left it.

Well, it’s been a really long time since I last posted on here. I’m not sure what the last thing I wrote about was or the details that surround my situation. But I figured I would come back on here and continue to document my thoughts. This still provides me with some catharsis.

---

EDIT: I just went to look through my previous blogs and the last time I wrote was May last year. So, since then, in August last year we had a phone call where I told him my feelings and intentions. He shared with me some personal things, and divulged a little about how he felt. He said that if he wasn’t battling his demons and that if he was okay, that I would be the one he would pursue. Which in hindsight was something I wish he didn’t say to me because that was something I clung onto. IF he was okay...IF he was healed...then he and I could possibly have a real future. I appreciated him being honest with me, and he knows we have a strong connection. But boy did that line repeat in my mind for the last year.

---

As it stands right now, myself and M are still in the same standing. We haven’t moved forward in any way, and I don’t know if I would say that we took steps back either. Things just haven’t progressed. And as I found myself crying over this situation all the time and getting exhausted from the emotional anguish, i finally said I had enough.

I didn’t want to keep putting myself in the same situation over and over again hoping for a different outcome. I would have hoped that M would come and talk to me, start up a conversation with me, show some kind of stronger interest in me. But, the more that I hung my life up on those hopes, the more that I would be continually let down by myself and him.

So, i made the decision a few months ago to let this situation go. Just completely give it up to the universe to do with it what it needs to for my highest good. And, i can try to move on and heal myself. That’s the only way I can come out of this situation alright. However, it hasn’t been easy at all trying to let M go.

He still is as handsome as ever, just as funny, and i’m still helping him out almost every day. It’s been really difficult. In fact, I would say this is the most difficult situation-ship i’ve ever been involved in. And I kinda cringe using that wording but that’s basically what it is.

By letting M go, I allow myself to heal and he can continue to heal. And if I remain open hearted then someone else better suited for me could come along. But either way, if it is fated for M and I to end up together then it will find a way to happen in the future. Right now it’s just simply not the right time. And it hasn’t been the right time since the first day I met him.

The only thing i’ve changed is that I don’t hold onto this anymore. I don’t cling and pray every day that we end up together. Letting go of the outcome is very healing, and it’s the only way that makes sense for me.

I’m in the process of going to therapy and trying to figure my life out from this day forward. What does my future look like? Career? Driving? Love Life? Financial security? Independence? I hope all of the above are in my favor. I made a promise to myself that i’ll make the last 2 years of my 20s worthwhile and mean more than all my 20s and teen years combined. It’s a tall order to put on myself, but i’m going to live up to that promise.

The one person that has helped me to move forward in my life and let go of M is a person I didn’t even know existed until a few weeks ago. I’ll nickname him AB. I first saw AB on the silver screen one night. And it’s crazy how one of the first things I thought to myself when I saw him was “I’m looking at my future husband”. Was this simply just a delusion in my mind? I don’t know, but instead of trying to question why the hell i even thought that i just went with it. Idk, i’m open to being surprised. I suppose anything is possible. But boy will I look like a right fool if AB and I don’t ever meet lol. But I have the strong impression that one day we will cross paths. Whatever that will look like.

But I try to stay in the present as much as I can. It doesn’t do me any good to dwell on the past and to keep attached to a future that is uncertain. I just have faith in the universe and the plans it has for me. But also, i believe in myself. And as i’m working through all these issues I have carried with me for years, I get closer to my dream life.

Goodnight for now.

‘Till we meet again.

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takamishinko · 3 years

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hi hi canipleaserequestagain andimbeingannoyingiknow iloveyourwriting👉👈 h e r e p l s - diluc, kaeya, childe, zhongli and xiao ofc w/ a male neko reader (like diona half cat half human?) (and reader has like shadow power????? what is this lmao- i cannot explain myself to save myself- ugh-)

haha dw bout it i love writing for genshin :) but if u can please try and be more specific next time it will make it easier for me to write!

kaeya, diluc, childe, xiao, and zhongli with a male s/o with cat traits and a unique "vision"

_____

kaeya and diluc:

im just gonna lump them together im too lazy to find another gif

kaeya would probably would love your cat ears

pets them all the time and brushes them to make sure they're clean and stuff

will compliment and make small talk with you while doing it too

i headcanon diluc to love cats, he seems like a cat person

loves your ears but will never admit it

when brushing them he won't say anything because he's too busy appreciating them

kaeya would asks diona if the two of you are related

very cheesy and kinda cringe but he would definitely call you kitty/kitten

since your literally a catboy in a sense

diluc knows diona hates him but he'll still go to diona and asks is there any way to better take care of you cuz the two of you are similar

will get hate from diona obviously but he'll suck it up for you

will not call you kitty/kitten unless you literally beg him to, he don't do that.

kaeya shows you off to other ppl and tells them he has a pet cat

you offer to go on missions with kaeya and he gladly accepts because he knows your powers and acknowledges them

diluc wouldn't tell other ppl about ur relationship unless you want to, cuz as we all know he doesn't like to share

you offer to help diluc but he's overprotective and doesn't let you go on missions with him even tho he knows what you're capable of

childe:

idk why but i think childes probs really bad with animals especially cats

so he's glad that at least you like him

one time he bought u like a shit ton of fish and asked you if you like them

he never did it again

buys you all sorts of stuff cuz mans rich asf

and by stuff i mean like jewelry, whatever products you need to take care of your fur ect.

will play with your ears when cuddling

holds you in his arms like a kitty and will refuse to sleep until you're asleep first

can't grasp the idea of ur vision

he has a two different visions himself but he still can't grasp the idea of yours

asks you to duel a lot with him

cuz he's a bloodhungry mf

he'll try to figure out where your vision came from by himself so he told you to not tell him about the origin of it

he'll take you wherever he goes btw

like everywhere

one because he's made a lot of enemies throughout his battle history so he's scared of someone hurting you when he's gone

secondly because he knows he can protect you

he knows your power and how strong you are but he doesn't want to take any risks

xiao:

he doesn't even care about humans lol so he cares less about animals

except for you ofc, you're the only exception

doesn't know anything about animals and does not know how to take care of your cat traits whatsoever

but he's trying.

he doesn't understand the concept of finding something cute

so he definitely does find your ears and tail cute he just doesn't know the feeling of it

mans barely knows the feeling of being in love with someone so

impressed by your powers because it's not technically considered a vision

he doesn't care for it much as long as you can protect yourself with it before like

the 1-2 seconds he gets there he's fine with it

is not keen on pda or letting anyone except for zhongli know about this relationship

he doesn't get the idea of relationships in general really but in his idea he likes it private

he worries at times because he's an adeptus, meaning he'll get to live forever with the thought of you d13ing before him

zhongli:

i dont think zhongli is an animal person

i feel like animals are the last thing he cares about tbh he's been through too much just like xiao

however

he will try to know more about cats because his boyfriend has cat traits

is not open about the relationship unless people ask him about it

in that case he will proudly present you as his boyfriend

and say stuff like he is honored

people will disagree tho

they will say things like

"how could the former archon be in a relationship with a mere mortal, let alone a human with cat traits."

he will kindly reason with them if this does happen

however if reasoning doesn't work then he will chose 2 solutions

1. just leaving

2. "i will have order" /j

but really he doesn't care what anyone says

he just wants you to feel happy and safe cuz that's the type of bf he is :)

hutao loves you btw

thinks your ears are so cute and you guys are like bestfriends since zhongli takes u to meet her sometimes but you too just get along really well

zhongli is quite interested in your power because throughout everything he's seen during his lifetime he hasn't seen anything like yours

however just like xiao he's glad you can protect yourself with it

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blackgirlsuperherorants · 3 years

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With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

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pawjamas · 2 years

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My mom and I are in the car and we went through the drive through and the speaker was really loud and she was like I don’t like loud noises :/ honestly I’ve self diagnosed myself as being on the autism spectrum which like she’s 100% one of those “I’m a little OCD :)” people, but honestly her being somewhere on the spectrum would explain a lot.

-Silver

oh my mom is also completely a “haha i’m a little ocd” person too when she refers to like. idk simply wanting something in a particular place. i Do think my mom is Also undiagnosed neurodivergent as well tho, i actually think there’s multiple people in my family that are undiagnosed autistic, including my brother - he shows every stereotypical male autistic trait off the entire list and growing up w/ him it makes so much sense that he would be.

(putting the rest of my response under a readmore huge apologies for the length of this response omg..)

i think there’s a lot of people that go their whole life kind of just dealing with what very clearly is neurodivergency without getting a formal diagnosis, and i believe that’s totally okay! it’s their choice to get a diagnosis, some people are fully unaware of what they have, getting diagnosed can be super expensive, etc etc. i don’t judge people’s reasons for why they stick to self diagnosis or no diagnosis.

i believe self diagnosis is okay if you clearly put a lot of time and thought and research into it, preferably have spoken to other individuals who are diagnosed is a really good resource to confirm it’s likely you have it. a lot of autistic friends of mine and even this person i met when i had my stay at the mental facility who’s professionally diagnosed autistic since they were a child was like, “You are 100% autistic and i highly recommend you get diagnosed, you show all the stereotypical traits” and even proceeded to ask me questions abt myself which confirmed their suspicions.

sorry this got long haha, it’s a topic i’m passionate about and is really important to me. but yeah it’s especially interesting for me to look at Why my childhood was so especially frustrating, Why socializing was an entire mystery to me and still is in some ways, why i processed sensory input so poorly, why i felt the intense attachment and happiness to my special interests to the point of emotional distress if i couldn’t indulge in them for as long as i needed. Why my voice sounds the way it does (my voice is very flat and monotone 99% of the time and has gotten me in trouble more times than i can count lol) Why comprehending people’s intentions/demeanor/current emotions can also be extremely confusing… why i literally searched up social skills how to on google… put all together it paints a clear picture, i’m autistic! and although i wasn’t diagnosed until now i know for certain i am and always was.

if you ever wanna talk more abt why you think you’re on the spectrum feel free to send me more asks ^_^ i can provide any info you need, though it should be made clear every autistic person and their experiences are different.

#letters 💌#silver ♡

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inhumanescreeching · 3 years

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hi theory community of bnha, may i present to you my own? which is simply put, "Dabi's downfall will be by Hawks' hand" ?

MANGA SPOILERS

Not much went into this theory aside from pattern picking and my delusional ass clinging on to the icarus aesthetic that unfolded w hawks and dabi (in what little time they were shown at least)

Why will it be Hawks specifically?

and this question is further expanded bc why would it be Hawks when Hori gave Todoroki Rei screentime and development, showing us that the entire Todoroki family is going to fight Dabi? it comes down to basic rule of repetition ig lol

i remember watching mha the first time and seeing the rankings go no. 1 hero All Might, no. 2 hero Endeavor to no. 4 hero Best Jeanist. where tf was the no. 3? i asked myself, and in came Hawks. ill elaborate why their ranking is important now

1. All Might, the Kamino Incident came from a series of events that stemmed from his initial downfall- from his battle with AFO 6 years ago that gave him the injury that limited his use of OFA. This stood as All Might's final stand and his dethroning of the no. 1 position onto Endeavor. you can even sprinkle in the fact that Endeavor was there during Kamino too, angry ofc but still pushed All Might into giving the final blow

2. Endeavor and the battle against High-End that served as his debut of sorts as the no. 1 hero which also slapped realizations into him, and started his attempt of a redemption arc. Who was there to assist/but was also partly to blame for the incident? u guessed it the second in rank hero, Hawks. Endeavor's battle started from Dabi's anger at him, reaping what he has sowed from his harsh parenting all those years ago (bc if he'd have been a better parent ofc shit woulda taken a different turn). However, id like to believe his fight didn't just end with High-end and Dabi's disappearance that day, but it's built up all the way towards the war and Dabi's big reveal

But in the big turn of events, Dabi not only became the ghost of Endeavor's past, but he came to be a demon on Hawks' shoulder as well, which transfers problems but not necessarily ideologies because to Endeavor, Dabi was Touya- the son he'd failed to protect from himself but to Hawks, he was still Dabi, just carrying the Todoroki name and the truth of hero society

3. Hawks' big bad demon is actually... a lot of people, because while the HPSC did abuse their power over him (and probably did a shit ton of unethical shit too that i don't wanna know abt), his main villain is probably the Todoroki in name, or Endeavor's legacy as a whole. Hawks grew up to be a hero so he could be like Endeavor, someone who doesn't falter even in the face of danger, but over time it came to haunt him in a sense that it's due to Endeavor's rescue that day that Hawks even had to go through HPSC's training and abuse

Dabi plays a role in his story as proof of the fact that HPSC is indeed evil with undeniable proof, and being directly related to Endeavor's (Hawks' greatest aspiration) greatest shortcomings was the slap in the face he needed. idk where the current arc is headed but yano who is steady in their stance to support Hawks? Best Jeanist, the one proceeding Hawks in the hero ranks

Going back to my previous question, why Hawks? I think it can be tied w the fact that Endeavor's burdens became his to bear as well, by his inclusion alone. Hawks' wings have been burnt from both Endeavor and Dabi's fire before, so it gets justice by ending the affair

Im bad at words so take what you can bc moving on to

How I think it'll all go down

Hawks has the benefit of time if he were to fight Dabi again, bc he's a ticking timebomb for himself. The Todorokis will incapacitate him, i know it, bc they might like to talk. Rei, being the voice of reason that she was, will probably intercept if they ever capture him back. Hawks comes in afterwards, to deliver the killing blow to protect Endeavor. This fight doesn't even have to happen, they can win by outlasting Dabi too lol

Why am I pushing for this?

For poetic justice??? Icarus watches the sun that melted his wings, burn itself out, is that not so fucking morbidly beautiful?

tis all, good day

TL;DR: due to the recurring incidents where the no. 1 hero gets trashed by karma from their past mistakes, i have reason to believe hawks- being the next in line for the rank, if endeavor does fall off after the touya video- will be the one to destroy the monster his predecessor created. dabi was made bc hpsc made hero society so positively toxic (and toxically positive) that the system failed to protect him, hence why hawks will step up to end this shit and hopefully have midoriya help him dismantle the system

also i just rlly like the vibes of their stories and this hypothetical ending so 🤷‍♂️

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amazingphilza · 3 years

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DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

#bee for dream smp 2021 /j #dsmp headcanon #dream smp oc #dreamsmp headcanon #dsmp hc #mcyt x oc #dsmp x oc

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solomonish · 3 years

Text

Naamah’s “Match-Up” That I Made Needlessly Complicated!

IT TOOK ME A WHILE BUT I DID GO CRAZY AND STUPID

hewwo @baalism I made u......less of a match up and more just headcanons on how u date the people. i hope u like it <3 I divided them into tiers depending on how well I think they mesh w you too!! so here you go!

TOP TIER (NOT kissing up 2 u!)

SATAN

I think Satan is your #1 man because the two of you just seem to be.....kindred spirits. (I am calling you the same as Satan but like as a compliment?) Y’all got that academia vibe to you with your books and your museum dates and your air of mystery. You two are the hot nerd squad is what i’m saying

Plus Satan is a social butterfly! He’d not only like the quieter moments w you but also when you went dancing he could either be living it up with you or making new connections (although. if he was going to the club why would he stray from the main attraction? make it make sense)

And with him that trust would be super easy to get bc if you’re dating him, HOO BOY. He’s got some Issues but he trusts you to help him get through them! There is a lot of him that feels prickly and dangerous and if you don’t shy away from that and can help him through it then you have his heart! As long as you aren’t ripping his attention away from a thrilling chapter, he’s a great conversation partner too. His quiet nature at first is NOT shyness, it allows him to be observant!! You are one of the few who get the chatty inside ^u^

Plus he loves ur cat and will be on her side when she screws with your puzzles.

SOLOMON

THE ONLY REASON he is not number one is he’s a bit too much of a wallflower to be into the partying like Satan would be. Otherwise....hot nerd squad two electric boogaloo

Is a bit more down with the witchy outdoorsy stuff and the occult and the abandoned place exploration thing than Satan would be. I bet one of his favorite things to do is take u to an abandoned building and after being there for a while when you start to get bored, he enchants it to look like the inside of some old castle and you dance together or something :) memories for u

isn’t always super chatty but is great for listening to you rant. he makes up for his lack of chattiness by asking the perfect questions to get you fired up again, so your ranting takes up most of the time. loves to pick ur brain, so you can talk about anything. he’s like: i want to dissect that smart lil organ of yours. lovingly <3

keep your sudoku puzzles up or he will mistake your books for his and do them for you. the image of him sitting cross legged at an armchair like some grandpa is nice but those are your puzzles!!!! but he’s very good at being domestic, just make sure to ALWAYS cook or bake with him!

LUCIFER

Listen, I hc Lucifer as like kind of a wallflower, but even if i’m wrong, he’ll still not be partying with you a lot because he’s busy! of course doesn’t stop you from going out if you want just be safe pls he lovs u

will take a walk with you every day all the time. After dinner before he goes back to work, he’ll take a little stroll with you. when he has time he’ll go for longer ones and show you some off-beat or decrepit devildom areas but he will absolutely just go on little walks with you every day to catch up with you!!

lives for the domestic moments. you bring him coffee? he is glad to be yours! walks in on you doing laundry? how luck he is to have someone so capable <3 he’ll help you fold the rest of the load or will make sure to talk with you while it’s his turn to make dinner (but will make sure you don’t have to help! you deserve a break)

finds your interest in the arcane kinda funny because he IS the arcane but supports you <3 will listen to you list off what you know even if he also knows because he likes hearing what you’ve learned and you get so excited about it! he will return with his own spells and potions you might not know yet and you two could go on for hours about it.

HIGH-MID TIER

ASMODEUS

His interests align with your! Fashion, beauty, partying!! He loves it. LIVES for it. you two are an unstoppable force.

However....the academic/witchy stuff doesn’t suit him as well as the other stuff does? He’ll whine about you “being a satan” or “being a solomon” if you tread too far in one direction

he’ll work out with you though and buy you cute workout gear <3

a relationship with him is less emphasizing trust and more about intimacy (but you can still trust him yknow?) he makes your connection known by demonstrating it plainly rather than feeling like a safehouse, if that make sense? but he does love u to pieces!! remember that

BEELZEBUB

he wants to eat ur cupcakes this is my main reasoning and also NOT a dirty joke

if he goes partying w you he acts more as a personal bouncer and will circle the crowd like a shark for u <3 also great to bring you home if you’re drunk

he likes taking walks and hiking and being active with you! he does have to slow down so he doesn’t overexert your human body but he doesn’t mind because he’s having fun!

v sweet with the domestic stuff, just not great at cleaning. he just leaves crumbs over the floor he just cleaned :/ thinks u look cute in an apron tho

DIAVOLO

AHHHHH he thinks ur so interesting! so well rounded :0

also it’s good that you’re into witchy stuff! that made your transition to the devildom a bit easier huh?

absolutely loves how eager you are to learn because that’s what you need for the program to succeed! and you already know so much.....you would make.....a very knowledgeable..ruler....of the Devildom.....ahem.....

the above are used to physical affection but could back it up with some mistakes but Diavolo doesn’t get the chance to give affection so whatever ur comfortable with getting he will channel it all in to that!! gifts or words or whatever!!!

but if u give him a lil smooch he will be !!!!!!!! it just feels nice

AN ANOMALY

BARBATOS

I don’t understand this fucker (affectionate). IDK if I can’t place him bc I don’t know him that well or just because he refuses to be categorized but! he is here. perfectly in the middle. taunting me.

idk ur academic prowess is preferable because he wants someone who can keep up with him. and ur interest in spooky stuff works well bc he’s a demon and if he were a human he’d like the occult too.

can’t really go clubbing or take you very many places bc of work :/ he can do strolls around the garden though! or walk you home from places :)

good with the not initiating physical touch because he can shapeshift into whatever you need him to be. an anomaly indeed.

LOW-MID TIER

SIMEON

he respects you :)

finds your academic pursuits inspring! your interest in the occult is a bit off-putting at first but you all are in hell so who is he to blame?

loves to collect your witchy stuff with you <3 knows a lot about safe to eat fruits so he’ll be collecting things for a fresh strawberry pie while you collect what you need to summon lucifer without a pact even though he lives in ur house and you HAVE a pact.

you can bake the pie together though <3

BELPHEGOR

he does not respect you :)

finds your occult pursuits inspiring! your interest in excelling in academics is a bit off-putting at first - why would you choose to put more work in when you can jsut vibe and pass bc you’re an exchange student?

(ok i’m done making this the inverse of the above lol)

not the most chatty or the most workout-y or patying-y or anything BUT he can be a little domestic. you do the cleaning and he can cook once in a while! and he’ll make the bed! and then he’ll sleep in it immediately. but he’ll be wishing you were cuddling with him the whole time <3

LOW TIER

MAMMON

he’s got the energy but not the respect

unlike the way belphie disrespects you, mammon does it just bc you’re incompatible :/ but like in the nicest way possible

he interrupts when he’s chatty and he’s not the type to hang out with nerds and like. he’s too scared to get into the occult and abandoned buildings.

he does love you to bits! just....not in the way you want. sorry mams :/

LEVIATHAN

he can get chatty for sure!!

but he just does not have the energy to match your academic pursuits or your outdoorsy interests or clubbing or beauty or any of that.

ok MAYBE the enrd stuff but like only a little! too much and that’d make him a normie >:(

y’all trust each other a lot tho! just as henry and lord of shadow, like friends. not a significant others

OKAY i didn’t burn myself out!! i hope you like this and agree maybe? hehe this was fun

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #swd obey me #for baalism

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

#eiypo

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rickriordanfandam · 3 years

Text

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below)

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong.

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up. the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more

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atiny-ahgase · 3 years

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A message to my Moots

Hey all, I originally wasn’t gonna do this cause I honestly didn't even know where to begin (I still don't tbh) but I said that I’ll still give it a try cause I wanted to tell you all my feelings before the new year rolls around (for me at least lol). So let’s get too it.

Firstly thank you to every single person that follows me, or has read any of my fics or liked any of my edits or even just interacted with me in any form. Thank you for the immense love and support that I’ve received on this site, honestly I didn't expect to make any friends here and the fact that I was able to meet and befriend so many amazing people. So I just wanna say thank you so much for being a part of my life. I’ve always put up walls and I’m really bad at getting close to others but Tumblr was the first site that I’ve really felt comfortable enough to be the real me. So thank you for that.

Now on to the Mentions

I had no idea how to start this so I decided to start at the beginning.

@mingishoe -Luna, you were the reason that I joined Tumblr in the first place, your fics brought me here and your interactions with other blogs opened up so many doors for me and helped me to interact and befriend so many amazing people. You were the first person that I ever sent an ask to, you made me feel so comfortable and welcome so thank you for that. Thank you for being you, a literal moon; bright and beautiful always lighting up the way. I honestly don't think that I would ever be able to explain how much I love, admire and look up to you, I honestly can’t find the words. Honestly, just thank you for being there for your little anon (Idk if you know which anon I am though lol)

@vocalyunho -Ames!!!!! The 2nd person that I followed! an absolute angel. You are such a calm soul and I just love your vibe and energy so much. I think that I’ve said this a million times but you just make me feel so safe and secure, you have such a calm and capable aura that is just so soothing to me. Thank you for coming into my life and being the amazing person that you are.

@jonghoshoe -ZAD!!! Baby Brother! My Teddy Bear! My Sunflower!! Where do I even begin?!? You were basically my first friend on Tumblr (and I am even more grateful to Luna cause I found you through her). IDK what it was about you but you had such an amazing out look on life while still being chaotic in the best way possible. I would wake up every morning and look out for your posts cause you would always make me smile. Without even knowing it you became a big part of my life and I am so grateful for that. You were my motivation when I was feeling down, you encouraged me to see the good things in the word, you hyped me up to write fics; honestly you are part of why I am the Gabby that I am today and I cant thank you enough for that, I love and admire you so much.

Next on my list is my little bunny @lustjoong -PK PK PK, my knee loving queen!!!! IDEK what to say cause I feel as though I confess my love to you at least twice a week on discord lol. I love talking with you, you're incredibly level headed and give amazing advice (which I always need cause I’m a mess lol). I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again that I admire you so much and would of never imagined that I would of ever gotten the chance to talk to you (much less be able to call you my friend) cause in my mind I always saw you as this amazing and untouchable writer (but then I realized that I’m taller than you so... lol I’m kidding). I’m happy that you found out that I was messaging you on anon and thank you for reaching out to me. I look forward to more chaotic conversations and knee pics in the new year.

@atiny-piratequeen -FIE I FREAKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I MIGHT EXPLODE!! You fill me with so much life that I cant even begin to explain. I’ve said this a million times before but I love how you aren't afraid to speak you mind and say how you feel. You're such a strong figure to me here on the platform and I've always admired how natural and bold you are with your opinions. I find your personality to be extremely refreshing and welcoming, I was never afraid to interact with you (I combusted when you sent me an ask but that’s only natural..) so thank you for providing me (and a lot of other Atiny) with a safe and welcoming place that we can come to.

@twancingyunhoe -Allyssa!!! My mom!!!! My cookie baking, Yunho loving, cat mom!! where do I even begin?? Thank you for being an absolute angel! You shine so brightly here and you're always so supportive to literally everyone. I am and always will be there for you no matter what so I want you to remember that in the coming year. and remember that I love you in your highs and your lows and I am available to provide cuddles anytime they are needed or wanted cause you are precious to me ok luv.

@felixs-moonlight -my little duckling AJ!!! I’m wishing you the best in the new year cause that's what best bois deserve! You are so incredibly sweet and caring so don't you ever forget. Even if you do forget don't worry cause I will always be there to remind you.

@seoultraveller -Cat. Your presence makes me so happy!! IDEK what it is I just love seeing you on my dashboard, when I don't see you I wonder how you are. I hope that this new years is treating you well. Also, you are NOT boring and lets talk a lot more in the coming year okay luv

@yunhozone -Jey!! I miss you, I hope that you're well, its been raining lately so I hope that you're staying dry and safe. I love your boldness and sense of humor so please don't ever change. i started following you on a whim and I have never regretted following you ever since. You make me smile and laugh so much and I hope that I can do the same for you in the coming years. Stay safe okay luv

@pirate-hongjoong -Kayla, lets both talk more in the coming year ok luv. I pretty much told you everything that I wanted to on your post so I’ll try to keep this short. I think that you're really sweet and we should get to know each other more, I’ll try to reach out some more and be a little less shy. so lets continue to grow our friendship okay.

@taelepathysroom -You were the first friend that I made on Tumblr all on my own (meaning that I didn't see you interacting with a moot or anything, I found you all by myself) to this day I don't remember how I mustered up the bravery to message you. I remember wanting to message you on anon and realizing that you had anon off and I STILL went for it lol, apparently I was wilding. But that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, I love talking with you and receiving all of your extremely important messages and I look forward to many more (my heart is not ready but it is fine).

@moongaera -Gaera you are such a great motivation to me and I’m so happy to be a part of your life. You are so sweet and incredibly talented. I love seeing you on my dashboard and talking with you cause you honestly make my heart want to explode.

@yungidreamer - Big sister!!!! Kelsi!!! My aesthetic queen who I am convince is tryna kill me on our discord chat you are so kind and helpful and give such great tips. You are such a calm soul and I love interacting with you (especially when things feel crazy) its like you just magically know the answer to everything.

@yunhoiseyecandy -Violet, we don't really talk much but I think that you're really cool and fun so lets talk lots in 2021 ok. Also IDK why I felt like this was the perfect place to post this but you're the only moot whos emoji pops up when I start to type their name in the hashtags and I always thought that its really cute. (You're also really cute). I think that we would be really good friends so I cant wait to talk with you more.

@hwaberrykiwi -CAM CAM CAM CAM CAM!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! You are so fun to talk to and so sweet and so calming and you make my heart feel like its bursting (in the best way possible). I hope that you're well and I look forward to sharing more moments here with you on Tumblr (and I am still keeping my promise of not eating Lemon Bars if they aren't from you so...)

@atinywrites -Angel!!! My precious, little angel who always attacks my poor little heart. I love your messages and how you just pop up randomly and shower me with love (then I read your posts and you're just straight up roasting people JBJDJFILJFISREHF) I love absolutely everything about you and I’m really happy that we met each other, I cant wait to see what 2021 has in store for us.

@choisans-dimples -Cass my dearest little Sugar Plum, apart from you being absolutely precious you are also extremely previous to me. I remember our first interactions and they still bring a smile to my face (we were like Tom and Jerry and honestly in a way we still are lol). But you mean so much to me and you never fail to make me laugh or smile no matter what is going on in my life. I wish for you to never lose that smile in 2021 and if it ever begins to falter just know that I’m here ok luv

@latte-fairytaekwoon -Latte, I’m not gonna lie; when Mei started adopting family members I felt like my brain was gonna explode but I gotta hand it to her cause she has great taste in family cause she chose you. If it wasn't for her then I probably would of never found you. if that happened then who would spoil me rotten?!? I am so happy to have met you I honestly thrive every time I see you on my dashboard, you are absolutely hilarious and I love to see your interactions. I cant wait to see what you do in 2021 and all of the other years to come. Thanks for being a great Tumblr Mom

@little-precious-baby -Mei, where do I begin?? You came out of no where for me, you just sort of appeared and then in the blink of an eye you became so dear to me. Id just find myself looking out for your posts and wondering how you are. IDK how to explain it but you've somehow managed to bring so many amazing individuals together in such a short time, you're absolutely amazing and I hope that one day you'll be able to see yourself the way that we already see you. Ik that things can be hard (and they will be because that’s life) but just know that this family that you helped to bring together is always here for you when you need someone to confide in and when it feels like its too much and you need a break we’ll be right here waiting for you until you come back. Just remember that your big sis loves you ok my little bean.

@ateez-little-star -JAS!!!!!! My babie sister IDK how to write this without crying cause you make me so happy that idek what to do. You are so bold and brave while still being shy and cute, I cant explain it. You are so wholesome to talk to and so fun and interesting and sweet and loveable! Like how could someone not love you!! Thank you for always checking up on me and showering me with love and just making me smile.

@yunhofingers -My sweet little bean who definitely never behaves badly!! I am sending you all of the positive vibes for the new year. Ik that things wont always be easy but just know that I’m always here and I believe in you. You are so sweet and kind and bold and I love that about you, don't ever change and thank you so much for making me smile; I hope that I can do the same for you in 2021 and beyond cause I hope that we can be friends for a really long time.

I also wanted to include the moots that I do interact with but I also want to talk to even more in the coming year. Thank you for being here for both me and other people in the kpop community. I love your blogs and you all are so incredibly kind (and ridiculously entertaining; I’m looking at you Caly and Vivi lol), I hope that we can become even better friends.

@hanatiny @sansbun @hongism @multidreams-and-desires @smallfrye @aixy-hpsa @galaxteez @jongpleasure @simphwa @inkigayeo @heeseungluvs

#my precious moots #Gabby rambles #happy new year my luvs #I hope that I didn't forget anyone #I am not the bestest at words #I am also a little tipsy so...excuse my english #I hope that my true feeling were able to reach you all #please stay safe in the coming year #sending you all og my love and support

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morethanonepage · 3 years

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Tagged by @youandthemountains

1. why did you choose your url? i was trying to distance myself from my lj ~identity for no real reason except idk being weird, and i had originally wanted to have a travel blog so morethanonepage (off that not-actually-a-real-quote of st augustine that’s like “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.”) made sense at the time. and i don’t like changing my usernames (i only did it once on lj, to keep it from being as easily linked to my real-person identity). and i’ve never done it on tumblr.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

i have a few random ones blogs i made and then never posted anything on, but the main ones that are side-blogs in the traditional sense are:

@canon-poe-dameron - mostly so i would have an excuse to comb through the poe tag and find things to get angry about. bc then i could be like, WELL YES IT MAKES ME UNHAPPY BUT I HAVE TO KEEP THE POE BLOG UPDATED!!! spoiler alert there’s so little worth reblogging to the poe blog anymore it’s just depressing on another level

@omit-the-reference - just a repository for historical gay ~things, mostly fiction but also some history/photographs bc it’s a favorite topic for me

@concretebunghole - NYC picture blog. I don’t update it much anymore, not least bc i’m. not in NYC a lot lately. but it’s from the 30 Rock mangling of the Jay-z lyrics “Baby I'm from New York/Concrete jungle where dreams are made of/There's nothing we can't do” (the 30 rock version being, “concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.”)

@visiblemarket for fic posting; i don’t think people do this as much these days but having a fic blog was ~what you did~ on LJ for a while, so.

@ao3feed-constantine which is just an autopopulated feed thing but no one else had made one for Constantine (2014) fics so I figured i would.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

God i always forget and have to go check. Gimme a sec -- 11 years. Since July 18, 2010.

4. do you have a queue tag?

it’s “queue gardens” bc i thought that was very funny at the time (i lived in kew gardens, queens.)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

GENUINELY do not remember. i was following a few blogs on tumblr dot com for a while (the main one i remember posted ~artistic pictures of diverse naked bodies in a nonsexual context, which i thought was interesting).

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

lol john’s dumb face makes me laugh, idk.

7. why did you choose your header?

genuinely also bc john looking like he’s aggressively riding dick when he’s ACTUALLY barricading the door of a church w a pew it so funny to me. love it when i get asks like “....um...what’s...what’s going on in your header?” like babe genuinely i don’t know either.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

this dumb thing that TERFs have somehow gotten a hold of.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

gonna guess at least three??

10. how many followers do you have?

2,302

11. how many people do you follow?

1,304

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

no all of my posts are 100% in earnest and intended to prompt deep and genuine reflection, nothing else

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

all day every day

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

i lost a friend i’d had since LJ days over (of course) star wars shit. i’m still a little :/ about it. we’d met in real life and everything.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

the minute i read “you need to reblog this” i stop reading.

16. do you like tag games?

i love answering them bc i’m obsessed w talking about myself, but i suck at tagging other people for them so i always end up feeling awks about it

17. do you like ask games?

generally i like them, i get a little bummed when i don’t get asked questions (when i post an ask game it’s bc i’m desperate for attention, so.).=

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

ME, BABEY

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

not at the moment!

20. tags?

see, answer to #16

#tag game

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imanes · 3 years

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Hello imane! Because of the pandemic, I still have all my uni classes online & idk ive been feeling v stuck in life like ik everyone has and im v privileged compared to alot of people but just submitting assignments in the same old home environment everyday. Ik we all have to get through this but life feels joyless and dull. Just endlessly depressing. So i wanted to ask u how u idk made life exciting while u were working from home? Like any rituals or a routine or hobbies?

hi angel! tbh i don’t know if i’ve suceeded in making my home life very exciting in the last year, but there are a few things that helped. my desk used to face a wall and it got really old after a couple of weeks of always staring at purple paint all day long so i turned my desk around to face the window, and surprisingly that helped a lot. having the cats around definitely do a lot of good things for my mind too. i decluttered my space, i burn a candle every day, got a lot of comfy clothes to wear around the house. i also take showers during my lunch break lol. i have a thing for fancy drinks so i got myself quite the selection of teas, coffees and various drinks to prepare at different points throughout the day. taking walks got real old bc living in the city means taking ugly street upon ugly street for little pay-off so i don’t really have that outlet akjkfjgld. one thing that really helped me was making my own food and be diligent with my meals by making sure i was treating myself to things i wanted to eat and by trying new meals and prepping my own pickles and fermented foods! i feel proud of myself even when i make a sandwich bc i can put in stuff i pickled myself etc, and it constitutes a highlight of my day even if it’s based on something i made many days ago. i make sure i talk to my friends every day, even if it’s just to share memes. i’d say just little things make a whole lot of difference when you add them up. starting tomorrow i’m going to do that 30 day yoga challenge thing by adrienne something something because to be honest i have a LONG way to go when it comes to my physical health and i really need to start generating happy hormones by working out and involving myself physically into activities. as far as food for thought is concerned i’ve been following a lot of webinars on decolonisation, anti-racism and stuff, it’s a topic i’ve always been interested in and i feel very lucky to be able to assist to so many online conferences where scholars and activists come together to share their expertise.

as far as hobbies are concerned, i’ve taken up playing electric guitar a few weeks ago and i’m getting back into drawing and painting a little, but i wouldn’t say it’s something i’m doing to alleviate the constraints of working from home if that makes any sense, it’s more part of a long-term plan to be more creative. and as usual i read a lot! reading is my favorite thing to do, especially now that life is so boring and monotonous. fiction is literally making me feel alive by proxy as pathetic as it sounds lmao. but i’m not berating myself for that, and neither should you. yes there is a mountain of privilege involved in being able to work or study from home when so many are at the end of their rope. however, it does not invalidate the fact that after nearly a year of repetitive lockdowns, isolation and general threat to mental and physical health, there is a lot of people who feel at the end of their rope and are still trying to find the silver lining somewhere. i think a lot of people have started journaling, which is cool, and jotting down stuff they feel grateful about, which works for some people but for me it’d be counterproductive. it all comes down to trial and error and see what makes you feel alive. lately even doing my laundry has been a highlight of my days bc i love the smell of cleanliness (it’s the virgo in me...).

last but not least u can join our book club~ the link is in the bio. to be honest it’s a book club but it’s not mandatory to read, there are plenty of channels and it’s a nice occasion to chat with people about common interests. if you feel like socialising that is <3 just being able to chat about this or that w/ cool people in a positive space does wonder for my feelings of depression and loneliness.

ok i typed a lot but idk if this has been of any help lol i’m a boring person and i don’t do any spiritual stuff or think about mindfulness at all and i’ve got a laundry list of issues to deal with so i don’t even feel qualified to share advice but at the end of the day i just wanted to tell u that i wish u the best and that u find ur cruising speed, and that if u do and lose it for a bit, it doesn’t mean that u can’t get back on track!! i wish the both of us and everybody else a better future

#Anonymous

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