I had so much time. As a teen, with no job, no responsibilities besides school. Endless hours of free time. But I could not achieve the amount of writing or art that I desired. In reality, it wasn’t my fault. I have some serious issues, and currently take 8+ pills a day.
But now I’m too exhausted. I work and clean and where’s my time? And I regret, with an awful fervor, how I wasted that time as a teen. I could’ve published already. I could have a portfolio. Something to show for it!
All I have is unfinished projects and mere concepts. Wasted potential. I’m wasted potential.
And while I can look beyond my deepest emotions, and take in the circumstance, know it wasn’t something I could’ve done back then—I still hate it. Hate myself. For wasting that time.
Guilt, grief, shame. I shouldn’t feel that strongly about it. But I do. Every day online I see beautiful art, completed fics. Like a slap to the face. “This could’ve been you.”
I don’t know if others can relate. Writers, artists. I doubt I’m the only one, though.
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Funniest bit of the dnd movie is Xenk clearly being an NPC the DM introduced for lore and plot purposes who’s a competent fighter because of course he is, his reputation and backstory require it. But whoopsies the DM made him too powerful, the whole party likes him, and now they want him to come with to fight the BBEG which will completely and utterly fuck up the encounter balance
So instead of there being any actual plot reason he can’t join Xenk just says “I can’t. This is something only you can do.” And then walks off, never to interact with the party again because the DM just knows those little shits will find a way to use their OP creation against them
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long time followers of this blog will know I get soft about teenage boys being soft with each other.
recent instalment is the football lads who decided to sunbathe on sportsday with their heads in each others laps, just completely casually. no doubt if you are a teen you’re like, wtf that’s totally normal.
trust when I say 15 years ago that would have got you beaten up at school, without exaggeration- because it was “gay” as in “wtf don’t touch him”.
can’t help but think the world moving on has to be better for these kids’ mental health. casual affection between friends is a good thing.
see also the boys who decided the normal response to not having enough seats was to sit on each others’ laps in a causal chill way. again, in some ways nbd. in other ways its everything.
anyway, queer liberation benefits everyone.
(yes, I know some of these kids may ultimately end up being queer, but some of them will end up being straight too, the point is this sort of casual affection between men being acceptable is a GOOD THING).
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You know in the Adventure Time finale when (spoilers) the treehouse gets destroyed and Jake freaks out because BMO was in there and he shrinks down really small and then BMO finds him and comforts him?
Anyway that but it's sunset duo bad future edition
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