#i've been wanting to be outside constantly and walking a bunch

[bladeofthestars]

.

#very hard to break bad eating habits #like i had a sweet coffee earlier and then midday an ice cream bar and then late night #a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream #and in between all of that a chicken quesadilla and some greens and some lentil stew #you do not need more and you certainly don't need some damn french fries stfu #like yes i hiked today and also did some deep cleaning on the new place we're about to move into #but i am *trying* to create a deficit here motherfucker #maintenance weight is trying to creep up and i can't afford a whole new wardrobe of clothes rn thanks #idk i just want everything all the time #which obv food of course #but has also extended to a bunch of other things recently #i've been wanting sex more frequently now than i have in years (which my partner is quite happy about) #i've been wanting to be outside constantly and walking a bunch #i've been wanting to work on hobbies #i've been wanting to connect with friends and family #but goddamnit i want to eat all the tasty food 10x more than i did before and it's heckin me up something fierce #preparing large amounts of tasty low calorie bulk has become a priority #idk i'm just like. manic or something.

[alrightbuckaroo]

hi ada! it's nice ask week! i hope you don't mind me coming into your inbox!

what are your 3 favorite scenes in lone star?

what's your favorite hobby outside of fandom?

what's your favorite song/album right now?

Hello Rachel; I don't mind at all! I hope life is being kind to you and that hateful messages cease entering your inbox for the rest of time <3

what are your 3 favorite scenes in lone star?

Oh gosh, only three??

Maybe it's cheesy but I love the proposal scene. There's so many layers to it: the fact it was episode 3x18 and TK woke Carlos up at 3:18 in the morning, just after Carlos told TK he can wake him up at 3 a.m. if he needs anything??? I love the red string of fate, I love synchronicity I love soulmates. I also love the fact TK holds Carlos' hands the way he did when he told him they make a pretty good team. I say it all the time, but they really do hold one another like that's the reason God gave them two hands <3 Also the way TK rocks back and forth with excitement? The same way he flipped the ring he was going to propose to Alex with but because of anxiety? If I'm going to love anything it's a reference let me tell you that much!

I have gone out of my way to show people the Lou story line because to this day it might actually be my favorite. It's so miniscule, in a way, in the grand scheme of things but nothing beats TK walking in, posed like this: 🧍‍♂️and asking Carlos if they were robbed. As if the COP would just be sitting in a mess of a living room if they had 😭

Saving Grace is tied with Push as my favorite episode and I'll occasionally think of Grace telling Judd, "You're so tall." and Judd replying with, "You're so beautiful." and feel the need to scream because I LOVE them so much. I have a spin-off I want to write based off a Tarlos AU that's in the work and I can't wait to write them falling in love because I love falling in love with their love.

what's your favorite hobby outside of fandom?

Media consumption seems like the weirdest thing to call a hobby, but truly, that's what it is!

I love watching films that I don't know I'm about to love (Humboldt County, my beloved) , discovering new television shows that rewire my brain (looking at you AMC's Interview with the Vampire), listening to music that feels like sunshine (Cannock Chase by Labi Siffre, you will always be famous) or reading a book that makes me want to bite a brick (A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice ruined my life (affectionately)

If I'm not doing any of that, and this is going to sound so corny, but I write! I've been working on a novella for a little while as I'm trying to prepare something for grad school (that isn't gay firefighter fanfiction lol) and I was working on a book of poetry before realizing that I'm a much stronger narrative fiction writer than I am a poet (Ada Limón if I could just have a sprinkling of your voice please ma'am)

what's your favorite song/album right now?

Album wise it has to be Cowboy Carter. I've been saying it since forever, but Beyoncé truly is on a very different level than any other pop artist we have right now (and I like a lot of them! I loved eternal sunshine and I can not WAIT until Dua drops her third album in May)

If anyone is the music industry right now it is her because she is constantly reinventing herself as well and influencing the industry as whole. Did you know that she's the reason music comes out on Fridays now? Her impact !!

Anyways, one of my favorite genres of music is Classic Country; so think 1950s, 1960s Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, Skeeter Davis, Lee Hazlewood, Glen Campbell; that whole bunch.

So, I was so excited to see what Beyoncé was going to cook up because that is a woman who makes sure each and every thing she makes is perfection and my god, it got as close as any of her work has gotten so far.

It also features an interpolation of Good Vibratations by The Beach Boys, who's one of my favorite artists so it feels like this album was made specifically with me in mind. Here's hoping Act III is rock because I need to hear her with Jack White again.

#i don't get parasocial but if i it would be with beyoncé's entire catalog she's just been so damn good and is still so damn good #thanks so much for the ask!! #asked and answered

[grey-sides]

hear me out.. i see fics of billy and steve in california and steve feeling inadequate compared to billy’s friends there, but i feel like steve would just totally be a hot commodity because he has that whole, boy next door, pretty brown eyes, small town charm that they eat up.. could you write about steve just constantly getting hit on and billy’s like i’m right here!

Anon, you are...a genius. I've been thinking about this prompt all day and I've been deeply annoyed that I had to do work and couldn't just write it immediately. I may expand on this topic in the future because I want to explore a "Steve is confident again" story since I feel like we see so few of those. But here it is, an ooey-gooey fluffy Cali story.

Feel free to drop another prompt! Though fair warning, it may take me a bit to get through them just because of the new season coming out!

California looks good on Steve. It turns out that while Indiana summer doesn’t do anything for him, the California sun turns his skin a nice golden shade and he gets freckles across his nose and shoulders. His hair lightens, he smiles easier. Yeah, California looks real good on Steve Harrington.

Billy thinks it’s funny that he’s working at an ice cream stand all the way out in California too. But this isn’t a Scoops Ahoy so he doesn’t have a dumb little sailor uniform to wear. Instead, he’s given a bunch of tie-dye t-shirts in smedium that hug his chest and shoulders in all the right ways. 

And it’s clear to Billy his inability to get dates when working at Scoops had little to do with his ice scooping or flirting skills because he doesn’t strike out in California. Not once. Steve is like catnip to all these people, whether they’re fake fucks from Hollywood or local hippies. They all love Steve. 

Billy loves him too, but that’s not really a secret. Not between them at least. 

Most days, Billy takes up a table at the ice cream shop, an open air space right on the beach with tons of tables, ceiling fans, and music. Steve always works the front so he’s the first person people see when they approach the counter with its long ice cream freezers. He wears his sunglasses in the shade because he’s impossibly cool and Billy tries to focus on his coursework. 

They moved out here together, a year after the Starcourt disaster because Billy wanted to go home and Steve wanted to get away. And they weren’t friends when they moved, but they weren’t really enemies anymore either. The first two days of their roadtrip in Steve’s BMW had been awkward and their conversation had been stilted. But somewhere between Oklahoma and New Mexico (probably the tip of Texas) Steve had broken the tension by trying out California slang and their friendship (and later their relationship) really blossomed.

Billy had gotten his GED as soon as he could when they arrived and Steve had found the scoop shop. They turned their little apartment into a terrible collage of their personal styles, and Steve had settled into California and Billy’s heart all at once. 

Billy goes to the community college just outside their beach town to study computer engineering. While he would never admit it to Dustin or any of the other kids, he knows computers are the future and he figures he might as well get in as close to the ground floor as possible. 

Billy gets off the bus just down the block from the ice scream shop, Scoops Up!, and heads down, deciding to walk in the sand instead of along the wooden boardwalk. When he gets to the shop, he cuts inside and grabs his usual table all the way in the back, nearest to the counter. One of Steve’s coworkers has jokingly put a reserved sign on it for Billy so it stays empty.

He drops his bag on the chair across from where he normally sits, with his back to the wall so he can watch the open entrance and heads back out. He has a couple options once he starts wandering down the strip, but Steve’s favorite place is the sandwich shop. He’s just kind of obsessed with the bread, so Billy ducks into it. 

When their sandwiches are made, Billy heads back into Scoops, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair. And Steve is being flirted with. Because of course he is. Billy rolls his eyes and walks over to his table, setting Steve’s sandwich down in front of one of the empty chairs. 

“There’s gonna be a bonfire down at the other end of the pier tomorrow night- would be really cool to see you there,” the girl says and she bites her lip on a smile as she looks at Steve.

He laughs a little and leans on the counter, resting on one forearm. “Yeah, I know about the party, but I already have a date. Sorry.” 

The girl’s eyes widen in surprise and then disappointment. Billy is at least sympathetic to it, he knows Steve is a catch. And she looks around the ice cream shop for a moment, like she’s trying to figure out who. “Oh. Well, I’m sure they’re super cool.”

Steve chuckles and ducks his head, his cheeks turning red. “Yeah he is.” Because they live in a fairly gay area and it’s not safe everywhere but it is safe here, in this part of town. 

“Oh!” The girl takes a small step back, but she fits her smile back on her face quickly. “I didn’t realize.” 

Steve shrugs and stands back up, putting one hand on his hip. “No worries. Maybe we’ll see you there.”

She nods a couple times and hurries out of the shop with her cup of ice cream, flushing furiously. Billy just watches, resting his chin on his hand. It feels like every time he comes in here, Steve is being flirted with or someone is shoving their number into the tip jar. Some particularly bold people have asked him to write his number on the disposable paper cups they give out. 

Steve shakes his head with a little smile and calls to the back that he’s taking his lunch break, untying his apron as he goes. His smile widens as he spots Billy, opening the counter to walk through so he can sit down. 

“What was her name?” Billy drawls, unwrapping his sandwich as Steve sits down.

Steve runs his fingers through his hair and shrugs. “Honestly can’t remember,” he admits and gets to opening his sandwich too. “Someone today asked if they could just write their number directly on me- like what happened to personal space?”

Billy takes a bite of his sub and chews for a moment before responding with his mouth still full, just to watch Steve make a face. “You know, like three years ago you would have loved that.”

“Well, three years ago I thought I was straight and also that I was going to die alone, so,” Steve retorts and he flaps a napkin in Billy’s face. “Swallow before you talk to me.”

Billy grins and swallows, sticking his tongue out at Steve. “Baby, I always swallow before I talk to you.”

Steve rolls his eyes, sitting back in his chair with a sigh. “You’re disgusting.”

“I guess I must be because I go out in public and no one tries to give me their number!” Billy cries, spreading his arms out and dropping lettuce on the floor. 

Steve bends to pick it up, laughing at Billy’s dramatics. “I’ll give you mine if you give me yours.”

Billy takes a vicious bite of his sub and glares at Steve as he chews. “And you know what’s worse?” he says when he’s swallowed.

“What’s that?”

“I don’t even have cherry juice on my shirt.”

Steve frowns and looks down at himself, raising his eyebrows. “I don’t- oh shit.” It’s a little hard to tell because his shirt is tie-dyed, but Billy’s seen this one before so the little red stain is more noticeable. Steve grabs a napkin and starts to wipe at it, but it’s clearly already dried in. He grumbles a little and scoots closer to the table so his stain is hidden below it. 

Billy laughs at him, reaching over to pluck a tomato slice from Steve’s sandwich. He shoves it in his mouth and leans back in his seat. “I guess I can say that all these people have good taste, at least.”

Steve lightly kicks him under the table but his eyes soften just a little. “I think everyone takes one look at you and realizes you’re way out of their league.”

Billy shakes his head, a small wry smile on his face. Being in California has given Steve his mojo back and Billy’s fairly certain this version of Steve is as close to King Steve as he’s ever gonna see. He likes it, this confident, sexy, content experience of Steve. Away from the monsters and the standoffish world of Hawkins. 

“I can practically see the steam of your brain chugging away over there,” Steve tells him when he’s been quiet for too long.

Billy shrugs and he drops the gross, fuckboy act, letting a fond smile stretch across his face. He does that a lot more in California, smiling, especially when Steve is around. “Nothing, just thinking about how wonderful you are,” he teases. “Since everyone else already sees it.”

Steve wrinkles his nose and sticks his tongue out at Billy. “Gross!!” he cries, but his cheeks are turning pink again and he can’t stop smiling. 

Billy knows he’s being domestic as shit right now, but he can’t help the little flutter he gets every time Steve says He is and smiles over him at their table. All the numbers in the world don’t matter when he shares a three-digit apartment number with Steve already. 

#harringrove #greye writes #anon #drabble #stranger things #steve harrington #billy hargrove

[writernopal]

If I walked into a McDonald's at 3 am on a Tuesday, which oc am I most likely to see behind the counter? Who is taking 10 minutes deciding what to order? Who is enjoying their happy meal? Who is the one feeding the dumpster cats outside?

Bugg!!! I love this question omg haha

If I walked into a McDonald's at 3 am on a Tuesday, which oc am I most likely to see behind the counter?

AXTAPOR. I have this modern day AU that I've mentioned before where he is a mechanic but also ends up cycling through a bunch of other jobs because he is incapable of following the rules and gets himself fired constantly. McDonald's is absolutely a job he'd have. "Oi, the BigMac been comin' as a meal. Ye want it Medium or Large?" *Puts it into the register wrong and then you get an order that "Been how ye asked it for!" 20mins later LOL*

Who is taking 10 minutes deciding what to order?

Jace for sure. He's blind so he'd have Rapheus dictate him the menu and then ho-hum about what he wants FOREVER making him repeat the menu items over and over again. But that's not why he takes so long. He won't admit it but he's a really picky eater but also has a huge appetite so deciding what to eat is always struggle.

Who is enjoying their happy meal?

Wilkes. He loves to collect things and would HAVE to have all of the different toys that come with the Happy Meal so he'd order them for "his son" but you'd definitely catch him eating the fries and being like wow it's not so bad... until a few hours later. He's old but also Lizardfolk can't be eating too many carbs or they get upset tummies so he'd have a bad time later LOL.

Who is the one feeding the dumpster cats outside?

Mariel 🥹 she loves little critters and would definitely have a surplus of free food that Axtapor gave her with her order (can you see why he gets fired?). "They look so hungry and I won't finish it all. 🥺"

#thanks for the ask! #nopal answers #axtapor #jace #rapheus #wilkes #mariel #aasoaf

[btscontentenjoyer]

welcome to my january wrap up!! aka what media i used in order to procrastinate this month!

i know nobody really cares lol but i'm mostly using this as a way to keep track for myself

this month was my exam month 🥰🥰 so i didn't have the mental capacity to do much reading outside of uni, i mostly watched films in the evening to try and ignore all the stress i was feeling 😌 also i'm sure you'll notice if i do these every month but if i consume one type of media more i always end up neglecting the other ones a little bit, there is no balance with me 😭😭

books

at the very beginning of the year i finally finished east of eden and i really enjoyed it! and i'm around a hundred pages into the remains of the day but it feels like i'm just getting into it lol. i also bought house of leaves this month which i'm very excited to read!! (and just ordered a couple more but they'll be here in february, so i'll leave them for then)

movies

i'm predicting a big movie kick next month because i've been feeling really inspired to watch movies lately. i quite enjoyed most of these, had to start off my year with my favourite director and then the exorcist and fire walk with me were a wild ride that i really liked too.

tv shows

i basically watch tv shows exclusively with my sister, one episode almost every evening and it's a ritual i really enjoy 🥺🥺 i can't lie, the third season of twin peaks wasn't really my favourite, but i'm very happy with how they're doing percy jackson after what the movie adaptation was like! we just finished the queen's gambit today and i quite liked that one too!

music

i was a little too into dpr ian's mood swings in this order this month, it was pretty much on constant loop. i just find him really interesting and cool!! so i was just watching a bunch of his interviews and stuff this month, can't wait to listen to the rest of his music as well. and then unreal unearth is just so so so so gorgeous that i'm constantly thinking about it.

other

when i wasn't avoiding my problems by watching movies, i was doing it by playing the sims 4! i spent way too much time on this game.

i also read very few fics this month (still managed to read about 50k tho) and i will a hundred percent read more next month when i have the brain capacity! but i'm perhaps going to make a separate list for that every couple of months.

so i think that's everything. if you feel compelled to tell me what you watched/read/listened to or your thoughts on any of these feel free to message me or tag me in a similar wrap up, because i love talking about and knowing what media people are loving. also if perhaps any moots want us to follow each other on goodreads or letterboxd, slide in my dms because i love knowing what my friends are up to on there as well!

#this is very self indulgent #but it's fun and i like doing things for me! #monthly wrap up <3 #personal

[custarcake]

since my latest chapter of my Halloween prompt fic, I've been thinking of NYC... so here are some lazy headcanons for him

- a loser

- jkjkjk but like,,, my man nyc really likes musicals and probably wears pins on his dingy jacket that he's had for three years now

- cat person

- references broadway shows constantly, doesn't even bring it up, it just pops up in his speech

- is honestly a good guy, on alright terms with New York

- does know how to fight, can do whenever he wants to

- is definitely into theater

- lowkey bitchboy

- him and atlanta don't get along but they kinda do?? Like,, its weird but its them ykyk

- probably has a bunch of weird ass fuckin beanies

- wears a lot of hoodies and jersesies

- bro is always in a rush like its 5am chill istg

- ny taught him the most effiant way of knocking somebody out <3 we love the bonding moment

- is not a morning person

- can be an evening person

- is a very light sleeper, you walk outside that man's house 4 miles away and he's up

- somehow knows directions

- again, is a bitch

#ben brainard #welcome to the statehouse #welcome to the table #wttsh #wttt nyc #in this household we love captials ig

[donnerpartyofone]

So many things have gone wrong in the last two weeks, that were approximately 90% the fault of my own incompetence and only ~10% the fault of someone else hanging me out to dry, that I've resorted to just abusing cold medicine or other somniferents during the day to keep myself from being as vividly aware of it as I otherwise am. Often when I fail at a whole bunch of implausible things at once (a common experience), I write it all down here, which is in part a response to my first and worst therapist whose response to my problems was pat denial and disbelief; basically, she suggested that I was making shit up on account of "low self-esteem", which itself had the effect of lowering my self-esteem. The diagnosis was basically, "You can't be as dumb as you're describing because people that stupid only exist in the imagination." And even though I only put up with her for a couple of months, some part of my brain is still rigged to Explain To Her and Make Her Understand that I really can't perform quite a variety of normal adult tasks without causing a disaster and embarrassing myself with a subsequent meltdown. And by the time I got to her, I was already living with a heavy dose of that abused person symptom where you're constantly oversharing, or just sharing in extreme and meticulous details, and doing so repetitively and compulsively, because your past experience has taught you that no one believes you or appreciates that you are genuinely suffering, so you better try to do something about it. (This piece of armchair psychology is one of the most useful things I've ever heard, as someone who keeps multiple journals for slightly different purposes and runs multiple blogs and writes absolutely everything down incontinently. And actually I suspect that this form of compulsive reportage is the reason one of my closest friends suddenly threw me in the trash without so much as a "fuck you" earlier this year, but ANYWAY) Today was another day I was just trying to sleep through, but I made the mistake of going downstairs to get the mail, where I actually watched my downstairs neighbor walk outside without locking the doors behind him. I was already heading back upstairs in my gross pajamas and he actually said HELLO to me as he sauntered out. This is after having a sign up for a week offering to copy keys for people if that's what's keeping them from locking our two deadbolts on the way out, and further explaining that we've been robbed here before. The only lock this guy will touch is one of those absolutely pointless doorknob locks on the inner door, which wouldn't keep out a sufficiently motivated child:

But he locks that one because pinching and twisting the little fucking thingy on the inside knob isn't as physically taxing as putting your fucking key in a fucking lock and fucking turning it until it's fucking locked. I went out onto the sidewalk and shouted for him to come back, but he didn't hear me, and I didn't go after him. Like a fucking asshole. All I had to do was shift my fat ass and go tell him to his face, but I didn't, because I'm lazy and a coward and apparently I don't care as much about the security of our building as I say I do. So I guess I'll just stop complaining about it and go back to letting everyone around me do whatever the fuck they want at all times, which is what happens even when I stand up for myself (or my pathetic version thereof) anyway. This one is on me now. But I gotta say, even though this is now my fault for being so spineless, I really hope something bad happens to that guy. I hope he gets robbed. I hope he finds one of the homeless people who camp out and shoot up on our front steps inside of his apartment one day. I hope he gets mugged and beat up by someone waiting for him in the hallway. I want something to happen that convinces him that our part of the city is not fucking Green Acres, and actually Green Acres is only on TV, and you should at least do the bare minimum to establish a bare minimum of security where you live, because if you don't, bad things can and will happen to you. I know you're not supposed to wish evil on people because we're all connected and hating others only hurts you yourself, or whatever, but I genuinely want something bad to happen to this guy that changes his whole perspective on how safe and protected and deserving he is. It is my heart's desire. I curse him. I hope he has to move back in with his fucking mom, where she can wipe his lazy ass for him. I hope something bad happens and he feels vulnerable for the rest of his life.

#im so angry i feel like im going to throw up #i dont know what im supposed to do #i just dont want to be awake #i know its not just him either #its been most of the people who ever live here #i want them all to get hurt

[hermitcraftkinfessions]

I know we're constantly in your inbox but I gotta talk about this somewhere. Also Eth actually talking about hc memories for once on the hc blog?! I never thought that would happen! /sarc

I just miss my Cleo so much, she was so amazing. Since I sent that last "kin questions" thing (which I will send another one eventually! I just need to figure out a new one lol) it brought up certain memories and made me realise how close we actually were. We were best friends (in a platonic way) and was so good to me. I remember the star gazing thing I talked about before (I had/have insomnia and we would stay up late together just talking), we would also go together on long travels to keep the other company, (I have one specific memory, we were in a desert just walking I think traveling somewhere to get some item. I was walking backwards telling her about something and heard "Etho watch out!", I than fell into a hole. After being laughed at I got lectured on "why we walk forwards") I can also remember another time when I think I was helping her build some grand project of hers, I also randomly remembered that I think she was a bit taller than me.

I'm having another "I wanna send a kin call but are too scared to" moment right now. This time not to talk about the life games (what I and my timeline mates call 3rdl/ll/dl normally), but to just talk to her and see how she's doing. But I know there's very little chance my exact Cleo exists here, my TL was so non-canon and unique that I've never bothered. Plus I'm worried that if I do meet one then we'll get an introject of her, which would get awkward.

I just wanna hug her and say hello and ask what's up and what she's been doing in the months since we last spoke. I want to know if she's missed me as much as I miss her. I wanna tell her that for the past two weeks (or whenever I sent that last ask. Idk we have time blindness) anytime I go outside at night I think about her remembering our star gazing.

-Eth (etho fictive from Blue Anon)

Fair enough to all of that man, it's normal to miss people from your source and canon and it gets worse the more non canon you get, cuz then you'll have a bunch of people who act and look like your friend but are just different enough that it's not the same and it feels almost wrong, and upsetting. I'm sure if you're cleo is out there they'll appreciate reading this! -Mod hels

#kinfession #hermitcraftfictive #hermitcraft fictive #mcytfictive #mcyt fictive #etho fictive #ethoslab fictive #blue anon #mod hels #im not sappy i swear im a tough evil knight -Mod hels

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

Self harm, press the bruise, flooding, autism trigger tantrum, raw raw raw irritable scream fight wreck run away fuck it leave.

In theory, I like the idea of housesitting: an enforced staycation in a new environment where I can't smoke, can't fuck around because I'm on camera; I don't spend money because I'm not going places, just eating my prepped meals and some of their bougie food that I've always enjoyed. The dog walking needs force me outside a couple times a day, his schedule keeps me up early and to bed early: it's simple living! An awesome stretch of time to do deep work like readmits, or write some letters, or digitize my CDs, or this time I planned to finally do my taxes!

I want to kill this dog. Maybe it's the nicotine withdrawal, maybe it's the irritation of being out of my routine and feeling watched and not being able to dance or read my fanfic or leave whenever I want.. but every time he breaks the silence with a loud, painfully piercing series of barks at nothing, I want to scream (but can't, because I'm on camera). The sound of him constantly, disgustingly, unceasingly licking himself makes me want to throw him. He cannot focus on walks, but weaves back and forth on the path, stops to smell everything, backtracks, suddenly runs and then stops and weaves s'more and then loses. his. shit. every time another human or god forbid a dog nears us. He growls and rushes toward children. I fucking hate picking up his poop, my god ugh ew blech. And then it's cold and windy and I'm antsy and he doesn't respond when I call him so I'm tugging as gently as I can but it tugs his throat and he digs his feet in and coughs but refuses to follow and I hate hate hate him. God and then bedtime, where he gets into bed with me and wants to plant his awful, smelly, matted body UNDER THE BLANKETS right by my fucking face and I'm so filled with disgust because I've seen the way he still has remnants of shit on his ass and there's visible grit and stains on the white bedspread from his body and I'm all nausea and rage.

So that's been a hard time for me. Last time I was here, I accidentally taught him a game with one of his toys and now he whines whines whines at me to play when I'm trying to focus on my deep tasks. He doesn't stop, not when ignored or told no, just whines whines whines right at my fucking face, jumping up on me if I ignore him too long.

I don't like thinking of myself as not-an-animal-person because I loved BabyCat but honestly I'm often so fucking disgusted and do not want to interact at all. I love pictures of pets, stories of pets, but I do not want physical interaction at all. Virtual only please.

So anyway I have not done my taxes. I've barely worked. I certainly haven't written any letters. I did digitize all my old CDs and emotionally wrecked myself reliving 2012-2020, and then as a palate cleanser I made a playlist of my mp3 players from 2008-2012 and honestly that sucked too. I feel gross. I hate remembering, especially the visceral memories that turn my marrow to tar and leave me in the fetal position.

I did finish an audiobook and did a bunch of sudoku, only fucking up a few, and I'm disappointed by how much I did not care for the book, bc now what am I going to say? "Thank you for recommending this book, I had no idea it was a series, I barely slogged my way through the first, but I read the Wiki articles for the last two! They seem fine."

I just feel like an asshole. I feel like a classic villain: hates dogs, hates stories, not good with kids, not good at work - ignoring emails and missing deadlines and just sucking.

Oh God and the whole fuckin debacle of finding out my exex hates my ex and wondering wtf I did wrong to have all my people hating each other. I talk so much shit on people and tell such one-dimensional stories that nobody loves anybody; for having my love language apparently be words of affirmation, I am so toxic and talk so much shit that no one understands why I love anyone. I'm a mess. I feel like a trash person.

And now the fucking dog is whining at me. I will not pet or cuddle it. It has food and water, we walked 90 minutes ago, I'm not fucking playing. I cannot wait to leave. Maybe I'll leave the house and smoke another cigarette. I'm fucking losing it.

[sstheangelofdeath]

August 28, 2023

Dear Reader,

It's my first letter to you. And as I sit in my dorm room bed, I can't help but feel miserable. I have caught the infamous "college cold". It's great really, not being able to breathe and constantly wanting to lie down. Well, thank god for my schedule being almost over at 10 a.m., but I still have a lab tonight. Another reason for my misery is that I am lonely. I have a roommate and she's introduced me to her friends but they like to party. I don't like to party with a bunch of people I do not know. I would love to get to know them just not at a giant party where my drink could get drugged or the weed could be laced. My extent of "partying" is drinking, laughing, and playing games with six close friends. Mind you, we didn't start drinking together until two years into our friendship.

Anyway, I haven't made a friend to call my own. My mother and sister came to visit me and I was so happy. I had felt joy whereas the time I had spent going to class and staying in my room were spent simply waiting for the next day to come. I almost feel like a machine except I can feel the boredom weighing on me every day. My life here is so boring it isn't even memorable. The content of my classes is easily retained, but on my way to class, I don't even recall walking down the stairs to get to class. I couldn't remember how I had gotten to the floor my class was on. I was outside and then suddenly turned the corner to get to class. It scared me, to be honest. How could I describe my life? Will I be able to make it through college and know where the hell I am? I think I'm overreacting. Maybe. Probably. It hasn't happened again.

Back to the boredom. Leading up to my mother's and sister's arrival, I thought about what conversations we were gonna have. What was I up to? What was I up to? I was disgusted and embarrassed and I hadn't even had a discussion with my family about my college life. I don't do anything with my life. I moved to college with no friends, but one cousin. A cousin who has a girlfriend and many friends. So, he's not going to hang out with me when he has other people. He wouldn't be the first to do that. Many friends I had friends before I came into the picture and I'm not their first choice when they want to hang out with someone. I do nothing and I know no one. I can't socialize either. It's hard and no one helped me grow out of that shell. And thinking of my family asking me about how much fun I've been having so far made me feel ill.

Thankfully, no one asked, kind of like they knew I was pathetic. They only asked about my classes. Which is fine, my classes are okay. Well, my English writing teacher says we need to carry on class conversations even though it's a writing class. If I wanted to talk I would have signed up for communications.

I don't want to go to my lab or class or be here for that matter. I feel like I should have stayed at home for community college. There's no point in being here if I don't have friends. The only college experience I have is dread. Yipee.

Alright, that's enough moping for today. I hope you have a wonderful day, reader.

Sincerely Signed,

The Angel of Death

#dear reader #sincerelysigned #sstheangelofdeath

[dzpenumbra]

5/1/23

New month. Geez, this year is flying bye, huh.

I had the whole waking up every couple hours thing again, even with the earplugs which work quite well. I don't think it was nightmares either, I don't remember though. I did get back to sleep every time, so no real complaints.

I did a very long yoga routine this morning, almost 40 minutes. I was pretty proud of that. I'm actually getting in pretty good shape considering I'm not really doing any other consistent exercise other than morning yoga every day. Adding in regular skating and walking will definitely get me in good shape.

I am... however... I honestly don't even really know how to describe this... I'm having weird pains all over my body. It's been going on for a while now, but it's been getting really strong lately. That whole panic scare with the deep pain in my inner thigh was the same kind of pain... ish... and probably the most severe. Today it's been the lower back by my spine, and the outside of my hips, and my adductors in my inner thighs. And my forearm. It's muscle pain, I guarantee it. But it's not sore. Not like sore used to be. It feels like... electric, kinda, or like the feeling when someone grabs a bunch of your skin and pinches it really hard? So like, not like a sharp pinch, but like a blunt pinch. I have no idea if that makes sense. The notable part about it is how uncomfortable and intense it is.

I tried using my desk as a standing desk for a bit today and it did help, I think. I've been really afraid of being too sedentary lately, so spending half of my work day standing at my desk and dancing to 80s music helped with that.

I've been watching this big transition that's happening where a bunch of RPers are flooding over to IgniteRP, a new and kinda game-changing GTA V RP server that's set in 1985. It was created with the intention of making a very different environment than the min-maxed memey shit going on on NoPixel... It's been really good so far. Though it does have a lot of glaring problems and a lot of work left to be done.

I watched like 9 hours of it today while I worked on another abstract ink drawing. I hope to have that one finished by tomorrow night so I'll hopefully post it then.

Hearing them talk behind the scenes about what's going on with the server, it made me really want to apply myself to getting into 3D modeling. I fucked around with SketchUp like 10 years ago a bunch, like... making recreations of my apartment at the time and everything. I am very detail oriented. But again, I don't know shit about all this. But I guarantee I could learn in Blender for free. And I can cram and learn really quick. And I have an actual art background to back that up, so... doing custom graphics and shit? And applying them to 3D models? Once I get the 3D shit under my belt, I could pull that off. If I wanted. And there's good money in that. And these guys would be constantly looking for good custom shit. I just, again, have no proof of concept... and no real knowledge in the field. But it's something in great need, if I want to go that route, especially if I can give them a good deal.

I've been really tempted to get into RP. I would fucking love it, it's really good social practice and social interaction. I really enjoyed it when I was playing my character Raymond Holmes on TwitchRP. I just... well... I got a bit too emotionally attached to my first character, which I would need to work on. But the big thing is... I don't want to be loud. I don't feel like I can. I feel like I'll be whispering the whole time, and that wouldn't do my performance justice. It worked at my old house because I could be as loud as I wanted. Here? I've got lots of neighbors. Here, I feel bad if I sing at a normal speaking volume in the shower, with music playing along. Not sure how much of that is anxiety and how much is just being a good neighbor.

So yeah, that was pretty much the entire day. Watching RP, drawing, making and eating 3 baked potatoes with butter, habanero jack cheese and scallions. Drawing more. Then... here I am.

Not much else to say there. XD Still kinda riding the post-project-completion lull. Instagram was devastatingly anti-climactic. Next piece is going to be my hoodie, most likely, but I might try to polish a few of the stones from the other day first. And I also have had the impulse to go paint wooden beads again, so I might... I might throw a batch in a jar and dye them. Like 20 or 30 of them. Just so I have some with a base coat on them, then I can add ornamentation after. Aaaand there's also the skull to do, too...

I have no idea why I keep putting the hoodie off, maybe because of the "finality" of it, or maybe the visibility of it. Maybe because the rest of the back piece looks so damn good, I don't want to "ruin" it. I dunno. I kinda left off with... doing research on the zodiac constellations. I have the 12 signs plotted out and properly aligned, I have spaces that will serve as the houses, too. The signs are essentially a wide ring around the entire backpiece, and inside each wedge I wanted to put the glyph for each zodiac sign, and the actual constellation. Everything but the actual written name of the signs. Then I'm going to superimpose the planet alignments after, but I haven't even gotten that far. So... that's kinda where I am with it. So I just need to do some research on how I want to do the constellations, and then do some sketches, then... I'm guessing black out pretty much the entire zodiac ring? Or I could leave it hoodie color, because the hoodie is black? Not sure... And then I can just do the stars in white or silver. Maybe do a low-opacity glyph in the back with the constellation on top? That could be cool.

So yeah, lots of ideas, but the abstract ink shit has been calling me the strongest so I've been answering that call. It's very therapeutic, and really good hand exercise for longer drawing sessions.

I'm off to bed, we'll see what inspiration calls for tomorrow.

#diary #journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

[theuncageddiaries]

How it All Began

My first memory holding a digital camera was at 10 years old. It was the spring of that year and I attended the Flower Show with my grandfather who isa photographer. I begged him to let me take photos of the displays and he did. I vividly remember him taking a photos of me, my hair was pressed out, I had on glasses that didn't stay on my face in a straight fashion and I wore a brown baby phat coat. I would have preferred it to be black but my mother insisted on me wearing neutral colors like her, they're her reigning favorite.

Anyways, from that moment, I constantly wanted to hold a camera and capture a moment. For my 11th birthday I begged for one of my own. My parents bought me a Kodak point and shoot, it was white and if I could remember the model, I'd share. This camera went to school with me everyday. I took photos of everything. This was during a strange period in life when people who weren't my friends had a reason to talk to me outside of being classmates. Everyone wanted to be on camera.

After a few weeks of capturing everyday, I needed to upload the photos somewhere. My grandfather of course, came to my house and walked me through the steps on my Dell laptop. Once I knew how to upload, I was in business but only for a short time. I lost that camera before March. My birthday was in January.

Fast forward to eight crazy years later, and I've been though a few cameras handed down to me from my grandfather, taken a photography course, recorded mini movies on a Cingular cell phone with bad quality, wrote plays, movies and tv shows that were unfinished. I sat at Penns Landing, a popular local spot in Philly by the water with a friend and said, "I want to do this forreal, I want my own company, I want to produce my own art".

Bri, my friend who also had an interest in photography said, "Yeah man, that's a good idea, I think you should do it". At that moment, I named my company iODPhotos, after my social media handle, iOverDramatic. And for awhile, it stuck. I had an iPhone 4s and a dream. The photos are archived now, but you could tell I did all my edits with InstaSize and filters.

The name didn't last long because, I truly wanted to find inclusivity in my work. Thus became iAmVisionary Productions. That name didn't last long either as I changed it to WeAreVisionary Productions soon after. What did stay consistent was my drive throughout my sophomore year. Bri and I collaborated on photoshoots, with her as photographer with Awk Photos and me serving as Creative Director, hosted events, planned events, even started a vlog to chronical our college experiences with out friends Destiny and Luis.

Even with the growing brand, something wasn't right. Eventually I wanted a rebrand, something that explained me well, and also represented other people. I mentally generated a bunch of names and hated them all until I sat down and asked myself, why do I want to be a film maker, why do i like photography and videography? I knew i loved capturing those moments that meant something to somebody. I've always felt I had a gift of understanding people, what they wanted to communicate.

Then, I had to remember the honest truth, even with my understanding of people, they never understood me. I have always felt caged in my own artwork. There was the name, something that had been there all along, Caged Artistry. I found the name, but being the person I am, I tossed other named into a poll and sent it off to my friends. They all voted for the same thing. That was my confirmation that I finally found it. Once I had it, I wasn't letting it go. I paid for a logo to be made, I even had a group of friends record a theme song for me, for my YouTube.

Caged Artistry Productions is raw artistry in coordination with all walks of life.

With 8 years of ups and downs, I would say that I still feel the most accomplished knowing, my dream is still alive.

#photography #philadelphia #philly #videography #freelancer #contentcreative

[thebookreader12345]

Work-Related Encounters

Pairing: Jay Halstead x reader

Summary: Having to go to the hospital constantly with work related injuries is never fun, but one day, while being tended to, Y/n makes a special connection with someone she had yet to meet. However, the two can never seem to find a moment to have a real conversation

Requested: No

Warnings: mentions of injuries, fires, and drugs

Word Count: 1,737 Words

"Ow," I grimace and bite down on my lip to keep myself from crying out in pain. "Will, you said it wouldn't hurt!"

"Sorry," Will apologized as he continued stitching up my arm. "I have to make these tight so that they don't come loose."

"I know. It's fine," I reassure him. "I'm the one who got hurt. How long is this gonna take again?"

"5 minutes," Will replied. "Why?"

"Truck is waiting in the lobby for me," I tell him. "They requested that the company be taken off of service while I'm here, so I don't want to keep them waiting any longer." A few minutes later, just as Will was finishing up my stitches, a man approached the door clad in a bulletproof vest with a gun at his side.

"Hey, Will," the man greeted. "You got a minute."

"One second," Will murmured and tied off the last stitch. "And done. You're all set to go, Y/n."

"Great. Thanks," I say and hop off of the exam bed.

"Oh, but before you go, I don't think you've ever met my younger brother. Y/n, this is Jay Halstead. Jay, this is Y/n L/n," Will introduced.

"Nice to meet you," I return and glance at his vest. "You work at the 21st? I'm good friends with Kim and Adam."

"And you work at Firehouse 51," Jay noticed. "I know practically everyone over there."

"But we have yet to meet each other until now. Interesting," I comment and grab my helmet from the foot of the bed. "Now, while I would love to stay and talk, I've got to get back to work, and you need to have a chat with your brother. Will, I'll see you next week to get these removed. And Jay, I hope I see you around."

.............................................

Smoke flooded my vision as I used my hands to feel around. I had given my helmet to a little girl to get out safely, but now I was inhaling a bunch of gray smog, and I couldn't see where the exit was. Finally though, I saw the light of the bright blue sky up ahead, and I rushed towards it. Once I was outside, I descended the steps and slumped to the ground as a fit of coughs racked my body. That's when a bottle of water was extended towards me, and I took it gratefully, chugging a good amount of it.

"Thank you," I breathe out.

"No problem," the voice reciprocated. At the sound of the voice, I looked up and was met by the face of Jay Halstead. It had been about 2 weeks since I had last saw him, which was a bit disappointing since I wanted to get to know him more, but he was probably just as busy with work as I was. "You okay?"

"I don't think so," I exhale and stand up. "I've gotta go see Sylvie and Violet to get checked out. Smoke inhalation is no joke."

"Will was right. You really are prone to injury," Jay noticed.

"It's a curse and a gift at the same time," I joke. "On one hand, I get to see all my friends at Med, but getting hurt is not something I look forward to."

"Right. I was gonna ask about something, but I'll just find someone else to talk to," Jay spoke.

"Everyone from the house is at the ambulance over there," I inform him and nod my head to the right.

Jay smiled. "How'd you know that's what I wanted to ask?"

"I just had a feeling," I answer.

"Okay. Thank you. You should uh, you should go get checked out," Jay reminded me.

"Yeah," I murmur. "I hope you find what you're looking for." Three days later, before my shift at 51, I swung by the 21st District to talk to Jay. I had some important information to relay that could be of help to him. I walked into the lobby, and when I approached the front desk, I was met with the smiling face of Trudy Platt.

"Y/n," Trudy chirped. "What are you doing here? You've got a shift in less than an hour."

"I know. I'm here to talk to Jay," I notify her.

Trudy frowned. "Detective Chuckles? What do you need him for?"

"I think I have some information that could help with Intelligence's case," I say.

"I'll buzz you up. Follow me," Trudy ordered. She led me up a set of stairs and pressed her palm against the scanner, and seconds later, the door swung open. "He's right up there."

"Great. Thank you," I mumble and head up the stairs. In the bullpen, I found Jay sitting at his desk pouring over files. The rest of the desks were empty, and I couldn't see any of the other members of Intelligence. "Hey, Jay."

"Y/n, hey," Jay returned. "What's up?"

"That arson case you guys are working on....I may know something that can help solve it," I assert. "But first things first. I'm gonna need a map of the building the last fire was at. And you should probably get the rest of your team down here."

..................................

"All right, so when we went back to do a cleanup of the building, we discovered that the fire started in the basement," I start and gesture to the spot on the map in front of me. "And four other houses in that area have also had fires in the past week, all starting in the basement as well. Every single time we've had clean up, we've found a weird white powdery residue on the floor, and the labs came back positively identifying it as codeine."

"Codeine has recently become popular amongst some of the richer neighborhoods because it's not as deadly as heroin and it's a bit more expensive," Adam put forth. "But in the past two weeks the want for it has rapidly declined."

"Right, so I've got an idea. It may sound stupid, but hear me out. All of these families that have had their houses burned down have amazing insurance policies, meaning that they are gonna get a big payout once the claims go through. So I was thinking that-"

"They purposely set the fires," Jay realized. "So that the money they'd get from their insurance holders would balance out the debts they have because of the drug profits."

"Exactly," I confirm. "I've been thinking about this the past few days and I just couldn't get past it, so I thought I'd come by and share my idea with you guys."

"Well, I'm glad you did," Jay voiced. "I think you're right."

"Lets go suit up," Kim instructed. Her and the others then left the room, leaving me alone with Jay.

"Thank you for coming down here. You've been a big help," Jay told me.

I waved him off. "It was no problem. Seriously. Look, I've got to get to my shift, but once you figure out what's going on, stop by. I'd like to know what really happened."

"Will do. Thanks again," Jay called out to me as he went to join his other team members. Later that same day, I was lounging on my bunk reading a book when Kelly poked his head inside of the room.

"Y/n, you've got a visitor on the app floor," Kelly alerted me. I nodded and set my book down, following Kelly back to the apparatus floor. And to my surprise, Jay Halstead was standing near the open garage doors.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" I question.

"You told me to come by once we solved the case, which we did 10 minutes ago," Jay shared. "And you were right. Dead on, actually. All of the house owners were involved in dealing codeine, and they wanted the insurance money to pay off the loses of the past few weeks. You know, if being a firefighter doesn't work out, you should consider the police force."

I laughed. "Well, if that time ever comes, I'll think about it. Thanks for coming down to tell me. I appreciate it."

"Thank you for your help," Jay reiterated. "We couldn't have done it without you. So, to show you my gratitude, I'd like to buy you a drink at Molly's."

"Jay, you don't have to do that," I argue.

"But I want to," Jay claimed and extended a card towards me. "Here's my card. Call or text me once your shift is over and then we can meet up." The night my shift ended, I met up with Jay at Molly's, and the two of us settled into a table at the back of the bar.

"So, after spending an absurd amount of time with your brother at Med, I've noticed that you two are quite different," I report to Jay.

"Good different or bad different?" Jay quizzed and took a sip of his beer.

"Good different," I reply. "You guys are like complete opposites, yet you still manage to get along pretty well."

Jay shrugged. "Yeah, I couldn't explain it to you even if I tried. So, which of us do you like better then?"

I shook my head. "I can't answer that. My response would hurt Will's feelings." Jay laughed, and I couldn't help but smile at the sound. Getting to know Jay was something I had been wanting to do since the moment I met him. "Seriously though, you guys are both awesome. I couldn't choose between the two of you."

"Yeah? Well what if both of us were to ask you on a date?" Jay implored.

"Huh," I hum and look around the bar. "Well, Will isn't here at the moment, so it wouldn't be too hard to decide, now would it?"

"Okay then. Y/n, would you want to go on a date with me sometime?" Jay asked.

"I would love to," I respond.

Jay smiled. "Great. There's this amazing pizza place that I think you'll love."

"Pizza just so happens to be one of my favorite foods," I comment. "So you're off to a good start already. And now I can't wait for this date."

"How about tomorrow then?" Jay posed. "I could pick you up around 6."

"That sounds great," I say. "But, until then, I want to know a little bit more about your life. So, Jay, got any good police stories you want to share?"

_________________________

Tag List:

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#one chicago #one chicago x reader #one chicago imagines #one chicago imagine #chicago pd #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd imagines #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagines #jay halstead imagine #x reader #imagine #imagines

[pedropascalunofficial]

Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

#pedro pascal #lena headey #hunger magazine #shot October 2013 #published December 2014 #game of thrones #queen cersei #prince oberyn #oberyn #oberyn martell #hunger tv

[helloalycia]

my happy ending [one] // kara danvers

summary: your crush from work decides to make a move, but she keeps putting off telling you something that you don't realise is actually really important

warning/s: none

author's note: i'm still working on a bunch of stuff but here's some old stuff to tide you over as i do. this is part one to a two-parter! enjoy :)

part two | masterlist

I sketched out some designs at my desk, ideas for some new Instagram and Twitter marketing CatCo we were planning to do. I was in charge of social media marketing at CatCo Worldwide, so things like this were routine at work. What wasn't routine was the cute blonde, Kara, AKA Cat Grant's assistant, approaching my desk with a chirpy smile on her lips.

"Hey, Y/N," she greeted, before setting down a coffee cup in front of me.

I smiled automatically, Kara's presence instantly affecting my mood in a positive way. I glanced at the cup and quirked an eyebrow.

"Hey, Kara. Is this for me?"

She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose adorably. "I was picking up Miss Grant's order and I remembered you said you loved the chocolate orange hot chocolates Noonan's do. So, I got you one."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Oh, wow, er, thank you. You didn't have to do that."

She shrugged, and I was sure she looked as flustered as I felt. "No biggie."

I took a sip of the hot chocolate and smiled at how good it was, but mostly because of who got it me.

"So, what are you doing?" she asked, walking around my desk and sitting at the edge. She glanced at my sketches and added, "Is that the new fashion post for our social media accounts? They look amazing!"

"Just some sketches, but eventually they will be," I said, before nodding. "And thanks. I just need the photos so I know what I'm working with. Gotta ask the new guy, James... you met him yet?"

Kara nodded. "Yeah, I just bumped into him earlier."

"Can you believe he knows Superman?" I asked with disbelief. "How awesome is that?"

She smiled with amusement. "Extremely awesome."

"Keira!"

Kara lost her smile when Miss Grant called for her, before looking to me apologetically. "I should–"

"It's cool," I said, nodding for her to leave before Miss Grant tracked her down. "Thanks again for the drink."

Kara flashed me a smile. "Anytime. See you later."

I watched her walk away, waving as she glanced over her shoulder. I found myself biting my lip to contain my own smile, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

Kara Danvers, assistant to Cat Grant.

Ever since she began working here, I found myself crushing on the blonde and her cute mannerisms. We were friends, occasionally hanging out outside of work and doing things together. But that's all it was, sadly. I knew she was friends with Winn – best friends, I think – and I also knew that the tech guy was practically in love with her. I didn't know him as well as I knew her, but I knew enough to not want to get in between the two of them. So, Kara Danvers remained a silly little crush.

I got back to my sketches, managing to draft up some mock-ups on Photoshop before my day ended. I was more tired than I thought that evening, ending up falling asleep earlier than usual. Which meant that I missed the biggest news in National City yet – a mystery woman saving a plane from crashing, possibly a new superhero.

I woke up the next morning to a million and one calls and texts from colleagues at CatCo, all expecting me to get on social media to post about this mystery woman. By the time I got to work that morning, I was caught up with everything and in awe at this new superhero we had. It was pretty darn awesome!

The amazement I felt however was short lived, as Cat was all over me when I got to the office, claiming I should have been on top of our social media coverage as soon as it happened. Apparently me falling asleep wasn't a valid enough point to miss it, so I was put to work instantly, working with the photography and marketing department to find some sort of coverage on this mystery hero.

As I was lining up some posts with the limited images available of this hero, I felt a presence stop by my desk and saw it was Kara.

"Morning," she greeted, before glancing at my computer. "Oh, so you heard?"

I chuckled. "Kind of hard not to. It's everywhere." I nodded to the many TVs around the office that were playing reruns of the news coverage from last night.

"Pretty cool, right?" she asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Very, but it also means I now have a lot of work to do, especially because I fell asleep when all of this went down," I said, jokingly. "Cat has been all over me about this all morning."

Kara laughed and it was literally the best thing I'd heard all day.

"So, I was actually hoping I could tell you something," she said, an excited smile on her face as she met my eyes.

I felt a little flustered under her gaze and found myself distracting myself with my computer screen momentarily.

"I actually have a lot of things to do right now,” I said regretfully. “Maybe later?”

Her smile faded as she nodded. "Right, no, yeah, that's totally fine. Sorry."

"No, no, don't apologise," I said instantly, feeling a little bad. "I just– if I don't get this done, Cat will kill me."

"I got it, you do this, it's cool," she said reassuringly, offering me a small smile.

"Sorry," I tried, a little sad that there was nothing I could do. I really needed to get this done, despite wanting to spend some more time with Kara.

"It's fine, good luck," she said, giving me a grin and thumbs up before leaving.

I sighed, before getting back to work. Unfortunately, it was a few hours before I could get away from my desk, and I managed to track down Kara at her own desk, remembering she wanted to tell me something.

"Hey," I said, earning her attention.

She looked up from her notebook, smiling when she saw me. "Hey, you manage to get that content done?"

"Just about," I said, before offering a small smile. "Sorry again for blowing you off."

She waved her hand dismissively. "It's fine, honestly."

"I'm free now though," I said optimistically. "Maybe we could grab an early lunch? You can talk to me then?"

Kara pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she nodded slowly. "That sounds nice actually, yeah."

I felt a little relieved when she agreed. "Great. Well, I'll let you get your things and meet you by the elevator?"

She pursed her lips, suppressing a smile. "You got it."

We ended up getting lunch, as agreed, and it was nice to make it up to her. Though, I never really noticed that she never ended up telling me whatever it was that she wanted to tell me. I was so distracted by how smoothly our lunch was going that I forgot to ask her about it. Maybe if I'd asked, she might have told me the truth. Or she might have made something up and lied. I guess I would never know.

–

Did somebody say tiny umbrella drinks? #gottalovethetinyumbrellas #CatCoFoundation [image here]

I sent yet another tweet and picture out from CatCo's Twitter account, watching as it instantly got responses from everyone. I was at an event that Cat was throwing for all CatCo employees plus special guests. It was an event to raise money for Cat's foundation – a charity for children's hospitals in National City. My job was to live-tweet the heck out of the event, hoping to boost donations online.

It was a formal event, so I was comfortably dressed in some high-waisted pants and a silk blouse, it being my best attempt at 'formal' clothes.

The event wasn't too bad. There was free food and drinks, plus I got to hang out with some of my friends from work whilst doing the bare minimum. I just wasn't an evening person, I guess.

"Hey, stranger," a voice startled me, and I turned around, surprised to see Kara Danvers stood there.

I hadn't seen much of Kara in the past few months, despite working with her. She always seemed to be caught up with Winn, and she'd gotten quite close with the not-so-new guy, James Olsen. I wasn't stalking her or anything, but I began to notice when I would try to make plans with her like we used to – little things like grabbing coffee or going to watch a film after work – and she would decline or have plans already. Then I'd see her constantly being surrounded by Winn and James, so I figured she'd just made new friends.

"Kara," I breathed out, smiling as I took in her appearance. "Hey."

I hadn't seen her at all this evening and I was sure she just showed up because I definitely would have noticed how good she looked in that fitted red dress of hers.

"You look really nice," she said, looking me up and down before meeting my eyes.

"Thanks," I said, hoping my cheeks didn't look as warm as they felt. "So do you. You liking the event?"

Kara looked around, nodding. "It's beautiful."

"You did a good job," I said, giving her a knowing smile. "I know you planned it."

"This was all Cat, I just–"

"Kara, everybody knows you plan the events around here," I told her with a chuckle. "It's okay."

She smiled to herself, looking down. "Right." It went quiet for a moment before she looked up and said, "Do you want to dance?"

I was a little taken aback by her confidence, but nonetheless, I found myself nodding. She smiled as she held out her hand. I took it, feeling goosebumps from how soft her hands were.

She led me to the dance-floor, stopping and resting a hand on my waist, the other holding my hand. I nervously rested an arm on her shoulder as I focused on swaying to the music playing rather than stepping on her toes.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a while," she said after a moment. I looked up and saw her blue eyes staring right through me.

"Well, we've both been busy," I attempted to give a reason.

She shook her head, smiling apologetically. "No, it's not that... it's my fault. I've been hanging out with James and Winn so much lately that I've been neglecting you."

I laughed a little awkwardly. "Kara, it's okay. You don't need to feel bad for having other friends. I mean, you don't have any obligations to me. They're your best friends. Of course you're gonna hang out with them."

She pursed her lips and I admittedly felt nervous as she stared at me, her expression unreadable. She was a little taller than me which didn't help with me trying to keep my emotions in check. She was extremely close to me as we swayed to the music and I could just about focus on it as she continued to stare at me.

"What if I want to have obligations to you?" she asked, and I almost thought she was joking until I realised that she wasn't.

I wanted to understand what she meant, but I didn't get to ask because she leaned forward and closed the gap between us with her lips. I was surprised at her boldness, pinning Kara for the shy type. Nonetheless, I returned the kiss, melting into her embrace and warmth.

We pulled apart soon enough, myself a little flustered from the kiss. My lips were still tingling as she met my eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"I hope that was okay," she muttered.

I nodded slowly, still surprised. "Yeah, it was."

My stomach was doing somersaults as I mirrored her smile; the gala was merely a blur in the background as I realised Kara Danvers had just kissed me. I definitely wouldn't have thought she felt something for me other than friendship.

"I'm assuming you want this to go somewhere," I said, a little stupidly.

She laughed melodiously as she nodded, intertwining her fingers in mine. "That's the plan, yes. But actually, er..."

"Second thoughts already?" I joked, though inside I was genuinely believing she might be second-guessing her decision, judging from her sudden change of facial expression.

"No, no," she said, shaking her head. "It's just, I feel like we should talk first. I have to tell you something. Before this goes any further."

She sounded quite affected by whatever it was, so I nodded, losing my smile for a moment.

"Of course, you can tell me whatever you need to," I reassured her, giving her hand a little squeeze. "Do you want to talk now or after?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but tilted her head to the side as she grew distracted. I waited patiently, expecting her to snap back into reality, but she seemed caught up with something else.

"Kara? You okay?" I asked, growing a little concerned.

"What? Yeah, sorry," she said, shaking her head before meeting my eyes with apologetic ones. "I'm sorry, I have to go for a minute. I just realised I have to check on the desserts for the party."

"Oh, okay." I nodded, giving her a small smile. "You can tell me whatever it is afterwards then?"

She smiled, nodding. "Yeah. I'll be back after, I swear."

I believed her and watched as she let go of my hand, already in a rush to leave. I wondered what was so time-sensitive about desserts, but decided not to question it as I realised the very obvious and surprising fact that Kara liked me.

As she turned to leave, she quickly turned back to me and moved forward, pressing a haste kiss to my cheek. My face heated up as she flashed me a beautiful smile, before moving to leave.

Just danced with the most beautiful girl in the room #CatCoFoundation

I looked up and saw Kara by the door, about to leave, but she stopped when her phone vibrated. After glancing at the screen, she paused and a wide smile graced her lips. Her eyes lifted and she gave me a knowing look before disappearing. I found myself smiling like an idiot the rest of the night.

I guess I should have realised, once again, that Kara never ended up telling me whatever it was that she wanted to tell me. I was so caught up in the fact that she returned my feelings that I never remembered to ask her what it was that she wanted to say. Maybe if I'd remembered, things would have ended up a little differently.

–

Kara and I went on some dates, our relationship blossoming naturally. It was the best thing to happen to me at the time – finding someone who I thought truly understood me, and vice versa. We had inside jokes, an 'our song', a favourite restaurant we frequented; we were happy and it was amazing. I was really falling for her. I thought she was perfect. Nothing could change that, I thought. She was everything I wanted.

"What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours?" Kara asked, tilting her head to look at me.

It was moments like this when I was in awe of her beauty, inside and out. She was comfortable, with her hair tied in a loose ponytail and her face makeup-free. Her glasses were balanced on her nose as she stared at me with an easygoing smile and sparkling eyes. I felt a sudden overwhelming flood of love for her as she waited for me to reply.

"I'm in love with you," I blurted out uncontrollably.

She raised her eyebrows slightly, mouth agape as she realised what I said.

"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head. "That was random. And weird. Too soon, right? I freaked you out. I'm sorry."

Kara blinked several times, straightening up as she shook her head. "No, it's not, it's..." I watched her with anticipation, as she found her words. "It's fine. It's... I feel the same way."

It was my turn to be surprised now. I raised my eyebrows, a smile forming on my lips. "You do?"

Kara pursed her lips, eyes flickering up to meet mine. "Yeah."

I breathed out. "I'm really happy to hear that, especially because I thought I freaked you out, but like, I feel like something is bothering you, Kara."

Resting a hand on hers, I squeezed it gently. She offered me a small, troubled smile and I wondered what was occupying her thoughts.

"I trust you," she said gently. "I do. I love you. And I... I want you to know that I think what we have is amazing. I've never been happier."

"This sounds like a breakup," I joked, chuckling nervously. She wouldn't break up with me right after saying 'I love you', right?

"No, no, it's not!" she reassured immediately, taking any doubt from my mind. She leaned forward and cupped my cheek gently. "I'm not breaking up with you, silly."

"Good to know," I said playfully, resting my hand on hers and moving it to my lips, kissing it softly. "What is it though? What's on your mind? You can tell me anything you know."

She nodded. "I know... I can. I will. Now."

I stayed quiet, watching as she had some inner conflict going on. What was bothering her so much?

"I want to say that I–"

But she was cut off by her phone ringing. She rolled her eyes and I offered her an approving smile as she reached to answer it.

"Alex, hey, what's up?"

I sat back, keeping ahold of Kara's hand as she listened to Alex on the phone.

"Are you sure?" Kara said, concern in her voice.

I wondered what was going on, as the blonde was scrunching her brows together with worry. Her hand slipped from mine as she stood up, pacing.

"Okay, I'll be there now," she finished, before hanging up.

"Hey, that sounded serious, is everything okay?" I asked, standing up, too.

Kara nodded, already in the process of grabbing her things. "Yeah, sorry, it's just some family stuff with Alex. I should get going and help her out." She stopped moving and turned to face me, a distracted frown on her face. "I'm sorry. I know we were supposed to spend the evening together and I wanted to tell you something, but–"

"It's fine, Kara, you can just tell me another time," I cut her off, moving forward and rubbing her arm gently. "I hope everything is okay with Alex. I'll just see you at work tomorrow, yeah?"

Kara smiled tightly, nodding. "You're too understanding. It's annoyingly admirable."

I chuckled, stepping forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. She had a few inches on me, so I had to step on my tip toes to reach, but seeing the little smile appear on her lips when I did made it worth it.

"Don't get stressed about whatever it is you wanna tell me," I added, meeting her eyes. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I love you and I'm really lucky to have you in my life. I don't think anything will ruin that. Just... remember that, okay?"

Kara nodded, her eyes flickering to the floor. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I'll leave you to it," I said, moving away to grab my coat and put on my shoes. "Good luck with whatever is up, and see you tomorrow."

As I was about to leave, her voice called out, "I love you, too."

I smiled widely at her before leaving, feeling lightweight because of all the love that was bubbling around inside of me. Once again, Kara managed to distract me from the fact that she had something big to tell me, as when I followed up the next day, she assured me that she just wanted me to know that she sometimes moved too fast in relationships and she didn't want me to feel like I was being rushed.

I believed her, blinded by what I thought was my happy ending, and that was that.

#kara danvers x you #kara danvers #kara danvers x reader #kara danvers imagine #supergirl #supergirl imagine #supergirl x reader #melissa benoist

[reilliane]

Not a request but I've been wanting to tell you these dreams I had that hit different after I read a bunch of sagau fics—

—your xiao fic too, in particular.

The first one was me walking around with him while he dragged me along held my hand and we walked to places? It started off wholesome but it ended in a very concerning note... I'll try to describe it: he was standing on a white platform, meanwhile our surroundings were pitch black. Photos of us float around him. I walked towards him to see his face. The moment he looked up, my perspective shifted in a way that makes him seem taller, almost looming over me. Swirls of jade and black engulfs us. His pupils glowed green, and he whispers harshly, “why are you leaving me?” Dream me tried to reassure him, but we couldn't say a thing, and I could feel them dying from his oppressive karmic debt. I woke up feeling extremely unsettled.

The second dream was almost the same, except this time, it ended abruptly. It was like a montage of me walking and Xiao would appear next to me, or I would feel his stare in the distance + hand-holding. Again.

Outside of dreams, there had been times where my Xiao, yes, the one on screen, would speak his idle lines and would glance at my direction for a second. Then there was this incident with Gorou— I was zooming into his face to admire his hair and ears. He suddenly snapped his head and looked at me directly in the eye; turns out he was looking at an npc (Eury) passing by but my heart nearly fell out of my chest 💀

Is the universe trying to tell me something? Have you ever experienced something like this?

Ah, sorry for rambling. I hope this didn't bother you!

- primo anon

Ooooh?

Well, I understand the bit with the dreams, I've also had Genshin-centered dreams—I think it has something to do when your head is constantly in the thought of a certain thing (especially before sleeping) and your subconscious is able to shift/manifest that in your dreams.

There's also that bit called lucid dreaming :'))

In reality, yes I've also experienced similar cases—which is to be expected since Xiao and other characters are programmed that way (would be scary yet cool if they're sentient thou, but that's fiction).

The mind is a jester, primo anon dear, so is the friend called imagination~ Fall in too deep and you'll be with a spate of tricks!

PS. That's definitely the influence of SAGAU- they're just too good-

#primo anon #moonlitchat