#i'm posting these in this blog first because i think its very silly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

matryosika · 1 year

Text

Intimacy with Hyunjin

Wordcount — 3,400 words.

Genre — Smut and fluff. Smut warnings under the cut.

Includes — Fem!Reader. Since this was a commission, there are brief physical description of reader's character (Light-skinned with dark, curly hair. This was also written with a thick, curvy female character in mind).

Author's Note — My first commission, ever. I'm deeply grateful with the person who requested this. I asked them if I could post the story on my blog, and they agreed. So here it is! I didn't change the physical descriptions, because I wanted to stay true to the original writing I made. I hope you enjoy this, just like I did writing it. Also, my commissions are still open, in case anyone is interested!

Smut Warnings — Consented recording of sexual activities, dirty talk, body worshipping, choking, spanking, penetrative sex, unprotected sex.

“What do you think?”

Hyunjin stares at you with wide, curious eyes. The palm of his hand is resting on the flesh of your thigh, and his lips have grown to be familiar with the proximity he is now currently at —you can feel his breath tingling on your chin and even hear his heart beating.

But it wasn't always like this. Hyunjin wasn't always this close to you. Hell, he dreamed of it constantly, every single second of his days. He craved you, desired you, and loved you long before you knew. Long before he even realized his true feelings towards you.

He tried to fool himself on several occasions, convincing himself that the adoration he had towards you was nothing more than one of a best friend. He tried to act like it was normal to have your name and face tattooed in his mind, all the time. He tried to negate it, not daring to wonder if you felt even the slightest attracted towards him too.

But really, Hyunjin was madly in love with you since the very first time you met.

He remembers every detail of that day —from the way your black curly hair became one with the spring breeze, to the first words you crossed with him. How can he ever forget such a moment, when his breath got caught up in his throat, and his heart started beating so fast and loud he could actually hear it once you started to approach him? No amount of effort and will could make him delete that from his memory, not even if he tried.

And you being fairly new to Korea was the perfect excuse Hyunjin could come up with in order to get close to you, his perfect, subconscious attempt to be around you, to make you a part of his life without him planning it —he introduced you to his friends, helped you out when you needed it and stuck by your side when you felt homesick. He never wanted to get anything out of it, he just enjoyed your company dearly.

Eventually, after a drunken night of silly confessions and other stories, he kissed you.

And he hasn’t stopped kissing you every day after that.

“So, baby?”

You're brought back to reality by the sound of his voice, and the smell of cherry from off his lips that are insisting to capture your attention.

“I just remembered the first time we met,” you confess, your fingertips caressing the soft skin of his left arm, “I never thought we would end up like this”.

“Together?”

“This in love,” you smile at him.

“You didn’t think so?” Hyunjin’s voice is deep, both soothing and arousing. The hand that was resting on your thigh it’s making its way to your face, cupping it while he stares right into you, “I knew I was attracted to you since the first time I saw you”.

“I was attracted to you too,” you tell him, slightly tilting your head while he brushes the tip of his nose against yours, “but I didn’t think you felt the same. I thought it was one sided”.

Hyunjin lets out a soft, quiet scoff. A genuine one, like you just told him a joke. Because really, he finds it hilarious —why on earth wouldn't he feel the same, when you’re the closest to heaven he has ever been?

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asks, caressing the sides of your cheek while staring deeply into your lips, “since I first saw you, the world around me disappeared and started spinning just around you”.

You place a quick, wet peck onto his lips, one he welcomes by licking them after you withdraw from him. God, he really can't go a day without tasting you.

“Let’s do it,” you quietly whisper, running your fingers through his long, dark brown hair that’s barely put together in a mid ponytail, “I want to”.

“Really?” he has to double check, just to make sure.

“Yeah,” you nod, “I want you to record it all”.

Hyunjin presented you with the idea just moments ago. He really didn't know how to bring the topic up, so he just went for it —after all, you're the person he trusts the most in this world. If there's someone he shouldn't feel embarrassed with it's you. So he told you all about this little fantasy of his, one in which he gets to fuck you in front of his camera, only for him and you to watch.

At first, you were hesitant. What if you got shy, all of the sudden? Hyunjin seemed pretty stoked with the idea, but you thought it could get somehow uncomfortable. Having sex is one thing, but doing it in front of a camera it's a whole other thing, one that made you feel nervous.

“We don’t have to do it,” Hyunjin told you, offering you a warm smile, “I would love to, but I understand it can be kind of awkward at first”.

You know he would never force you into doing things you're not comfortable with, but the idea was scratching your brain in a way. Being able to witness the sex from another angle and perspective seemed interesting, and you were too curious to let such an opportunity pass. Plus, it was something Hyunjin wanted, and you’re always more than happy to fulfill his fantasies.

What’s the worst thing that can happen, anyways? When you’re with him, nothing can go wrong. That’s how much you love each other.

“Are you really, really sure?” Hyunjin asks, again.

“Yes, Hyune,” you reassure him, “let’s do it”.

He licks his lips and smiles, showing a small dimple in his left cheek while his eyes turn into crescent moons. Hyunjin places another quick on your lips before the weight of the bed shifts yet again, losing the warmth of his body as soon as he walks away from you and towards his desk.

His hands look for the things he needs —his camera and tripod. You’re not quite sure where to start, or how to begin, but you might as well figure to follow his instructions, although he hasn’t given you any yet. So you patiently wait for him, sitting at the edge of your bed while staring at him. Hyunjin always looks good, but there’s something enticing about him being at his most comfortable.

He is just wearing his underwear and some gray sweatpants, but he looks awfully attractive. You take a moment to admire every inch of skin, every vein and freckle your eyes can possibly capture, craving to touch and kiss every place and corner of his body.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asks when he turns his head just slightly to face you, finding you lost in your own trail of thoughts while you look at him.

“I'll enjoy myself a lot more when you get into bed with me,” you playfully tease him, following his actions with your gaze.

He places the tripod with the camera at a good angle, trying hard to capture the best image possible from you two.

You’re not recording this for anything specific, but for you two to go back to this tape and enjoy it when you feel like it. The video it’s just for you two, but he still wants to get the perfect view from your face and body.

“Don’t get shy,” he warns you when he notices you’re staring a bit too much at the camera, standing right next to your bed while he fixes the last details. “You’re just with me, alright?”

You nod, but are hesitant about being able to follow his orders verbatim. It’s hard not to get shy when the camera’s position it’s all over you.

“Can’t promise you anything,” you laugh, giving into his embrace once he pulls you by your waist towards him.

“Then I’ll make you forget it is even there,” his voice becomes hoarse and deep while he presses his body against yours, “just focus on me, think about me, about how good it feels to be with me”.

You nod softly again, and your lips meet together into another kiss. This time, it’s not just a peck but a proper kiss, one in which Hyunjin’s plump lips are brushing against yours so passionately and gently, sinking his teeth on your lower lip ever so slightly, eliciting a moan out of you that's not immersed in pain but pleasure.

He places his hand around your waist, and then he drags them down to your hips. Oh, how he loves every inch of your body, every curve and centimeter of your flesh. Hyunjin takes his time to touch you into the kiss, to trace your silhouette with his bare hands, to dig his fingertips into your skin while pressing you even more against the naked flesh of his chest and abdomen.

“You’re so pretty,” he murmurs, breaking the kiss to leave a kiss on your chin, “perfectly made for me”.

“You’re pretty too,” you tell him with a smile, cupping his face with both of your hands while he continues exploring your body, “so damn beautiful”.

Hyunjin smiles in return, and kisses you yet again. This time, the kiss feels needier and heated. It feels desperate, like he is impatient for more. He kisses you deeply, tongue grazing against yours.

“All mine?” Hyunjin asks, dragging his hands along the sides of your body.

“All yours”.

In between kisses, he guides you towards the bed. You might be so deep into him that you don't even notice until your arse meets the comfortable mattress, and his body hovers over yours forcing you to lay down flat on it.

“Let’s get rid of this, yeah?” His hands look for the hems of your shirt, and he helps you into taking it off. Your first instinct is to cover yourself up with your arms when remembering the camera, but his hands are quick to grab your wrists before you can even do so. “You’re just with me, remember?”

Immediately, you relax. You’re truly just with him, so what is there to hide?

Hyunjin leans on top of you and places a kiss on your forehead, and caresses your cheeks as he admires you. How can you be this beautiful? He is infatuated with you and every detail there is for him to worship —from your dark hair, to the beautiful color of your skin, Hyunjin thinks no way or form of art could ever capture the beauty and uniqueness of you. A painting would never do you justice, and a sculpture would never feel like you do.

“What?” you ask him with a smile, noticing how deep into his thoughts was.

“I love everything about you,” Hyunjin says, leaving a wet peck on your cheek, and then the edge of your jaw, “everything”.

He drags his lips from your jaw to your neck, and you latch your fingers against his long hair, pulling him closer to you if possible.

“I love you,” you whisper, letting soft gasps in between when you feel him nibbling at the sensitive flesh. “God, I love you so much”.

He smiles against your skin, but loses no time into exploring more of you. His lips soon perch on your chest, and move towards your breasts slowly.

“And I love you,” Hyunjin replies, burying his nose and lips into your flesh. “I fucking love your body so much”.

He swirls his tongue around one of your nipples and you arch your back against the mattress, gasping at the sudden but expected stimulation he is offering you.

“Right there, Hyujin,” you whimper.

He wants to keep on toying with you, to tease you and make you crave him. But his erection is demanding all of his attention, and he is desperate at this point to be buried inside you. You always arouse him this much, it's nothing really new. But it's, perhaps, the knowledge that you're being recorded what is really pushing him to the edge this time.

“Baby,” he coos with a hitched breath, “can I?”

His fingertips are lingering at the hems of your shorts and underwear, asking for your consent to take them off. You nod frantically in response and lift up your hips while he drags both pieces of clothing along your legs just to discard them somewhere in the room.

“Shit,” Hyunjin curses under his breath when you open your legs, noticing how ready you’re for him already.

You lose no time in removing his clothes too, and soon the positions are switched —now Hyunjin's laying on the bed while you strip him slowly, dragging his sweatpants and underwear with ease.

“God,” you whisper when your eyes meet his cock, already leaking with precum.

“I really can’t wait to be inside you,” he sighs, getting up and sitting right next to the spot in the mattress where you are kneeling.

“Then don’t,” you cup his face with your hands and leave another quick kiss on his lips.

It's like lighting a match on fire, how quickly it spreads once you let him know you're on the same page he is. When you tell him you want this just as much as he does, Hyunjin loses no time in giving it to you.

“Come here,” he motions for you to sit down on top of him, with your pussy against his lap, “let me show you how much I want you”.

With his help, you take the base of his cock and align the tip of it with your entrance. Slowly, you sink your hips against his and take him in fully.

“Fuck,” you cry, feeling the sudden stretch he’s providing you with. Even so, it feels pleasant. You can feel how hard he is for you, how his dick fits perfectly inside your pussy like it was made for it.

Hyunjin can feel it too, how tight and wet your walls are, and how deliciously you clench around him as he bottoms out.

It’s heavenly, for both of you.

“So- perfect,” he groans, digging his fingertips on the skin of your hips while you start moving on top of him. Slow and steady, just how he likes it, “your body, it’s just too fucking beautiful”.

Your boyfriend is a treasure full of compliments. Not a day goes by without him telling how pretty you are, or how lucky he feels to have you by his side. He is very vocal about what he feels or thinks, especially in bed.

You’re so weak for it.

“I want to- kiss you all over it,” the thought of feeling his tongue tracing over your skin makes you clench around his cock, and that earns you a quiet groan from him. “Want to spend- hours, just touching you”.

The steadiness of your movements is lost as soon as Hyunjin starts talking. His words mess with your head and make you turn into a wet mess for him, one that is unable to speak or think of anything that’s not him and his voice.

“Hyune,” you moan, feeling his hands grabbing your ass while you’re riding him. Your words are interrupted by a soft smack on one of your ass cheeks, and Hyunjin offers you a mischievous smile once he feels you clenching around him at the impact.

“Mhm?” he hums.

“Do it again,” you ask, somewhat embarrassed and turned on by the action.

He follows along, landing yet another sharp impact that makes you let out a soft cry. The more he spanks you, the more your hips pick up a faster pace, grinding against his cock in a desperate attempt to reach your high.

“Fuck, Hyunjin,” you moan, “I want-”.

“Not yet,” he tells you, tapping your hips motioning for you to slow down, “not like this”.

You look at him in confusion, but soon pick up his plan when he switches your positions: now, you’re laying on the mattress and he is on top of you, right between your open legs.

“I want to make you come,” Hyunjin sighs, leaning down for a kiss that he only interrupts when he feels like running out of breath. It lasts a couple of seconds, perhaps minutes —you really can’t tell anymore. “Open up your legs more for me, will you?”

When you do, he buries all of himself inside you yet again. This time, the stretch is not painful at all —you’re familiar with him now, so he bottoms out with ease.

“So fucking wet you are,” he moans through gritted teeth with his eyes attached to where your bodies meet.

He knows the camera will not be able to capture such a sight this well, that only the human eye can appreciate. But he at least wishes to record the pretty sounds that leave your mouth, and the way your body trembles whenever he makes you come.

“You’re so deep,” you whine, digging your fingernails in the flesh of his biceps. “I feel you- so deep inside me, Hyunjin”.

He feels himself twitching at your words, noticing they have more effect on him than he would ever want to admit.

“Yeah?” He switches his body weight support to just one of his forearms, while he extends the other looking for your hand. He finds it at the side of your body, gripping the bed sheets harshly. He then guides your hand to your lower tummy, pressing it further against your abdomen, “can you feel me right here?”

You moan at the action and his words, feeling his hand on top of yours while he presses your tummy.

“Fuck yes,” you cry.

Then, he guides your hand from your tummy to your core, right above where his cock is.

“I’m sure this will feel much better,” he says in between groans, signaling for you to rub your clit while he fucks you.

And oh, how right he is. Once your fingers start to acquire a pace of their own on your clit, Hyunjin’s hand abandons yours and he drags it up, stopping right at your neck. He wraps his hand around it, drowning a desperate moan out of you.

“Does it hurt?” he asks you, gently and cautiously.

“N-no,” you swallow thickly and he can feel it. Just as he can feel your pulse, accelerating by the minute, “harder”.

Hyunjin smiles.

“Do you want me to choke you harder? Or fuck you harder?”

“Both,” you gasp. “I’m so close”.

He knows. You’re getting even wetter than before, and that’s making it difficult for him not to come right then and there.

“I’m close too,” Hyunjin confesses, and keeps on fucking your pussy almost at the same pace you’re rubbing your clit. The harder you squeeze his cock with your cunt, the harder he squeezes your neck with his hand.

It’s a fair exchange.

“Don’t- don’t stop,” you breathe. Your words are barely audible, but he can pick on them well. “Don’t let go- keep on choking me”.

“I won’t,” he reassures you, holding your body right in place while he thrusts his cock inside you a couple of times, trying to bring you to your orgasm. “I’m going to make you come like this”.

As the man of his word he is, Hyunjin makes you come in no time. With particular sharp thrusts, and the grip on your neck, he has you trembling underneath him almost uncontrollably, your walls clenching and relaxing violently around his cock.

“Hyunjin,” you gasp, wrapping your legs around his hips in an attempt to bring him closer and deeper into you.

Your boyfriend groans, breathing heavily while chasing his high. There are several strands of his dark hair sticking to his cheeks and forehead with sweat, but he can’t begin to care. Or at least not when he is this close to come undone for you.

“Fuck,” he curses, and you soon have his body collapsing on top of yours while he comes. His hips tremble, and you can feel him twitching inside you. “Fuck, baby”.

You hug him tightly, still feeling the ravages of your own orgasm. You both lay down with each other until your breathing becomes estable, but neither of you dare to move away from each other.

You wish to stay like this forever.

“Thank you,” Hyunjin finally says, still with a hitched voice.

“For what?” you ask, amused.

“For letting me record us”.

You furrow your eyebrows and, in a matter of a second, remember about the camera that is still pointing at the both of you.

“What?” Hyunjin laughs. “You really forgot about the camera mid sex?”

“Mmm, maybe,” you confess.

“Well, that can only mean I fucked you good”.

And oh, how he just did.

#skz smut #stray kids smut #kpop smut #hyunjin smut

436 notes · View notes

saelestia · 4 months

Text

A HAPPY NEW YEARS ! FROM @SAELESTIA —

brief mention, i dont interact with a good chunk of people on here, but I felt it was right to include you all nonetheless. have a great new years, as I hope 2024 is filled with a good change in your lives and a year of better things than the year before, I tried to include everyone who has work up, but on the off chance I did miss you, I love you nonetheless, and think your work is awesome !

if you want to be removed js lmk! in no particular order

starting with . . .

@eijirhoe - dani ; me n dani have been mutuals for forever, and i think its incredible that to this day, we remain interacting occasionally, and checking in on each other, happy new years dani ily n i hope u enjoy the following year, as i hope it could include us talking more asw !!

@slay0368 - sarah ; i doubt you and i have interacted, but you seem fun and I would love to start interacting with you more, one of the rare ones that still loves tokyo rev, and I'm glad that tr is still thriving :3 happy new years !

@milkistoshi - milki ; writes the yummmiest smau for bllk, im acc obsessed, and one of my few bllk mooties, however i will still interact the fuck outta the smau, bc its that good, happy new years milki ! <3

@offbrandkyoya - tri ; you write such a good gi smau, im still trying to catchup on reading it because you're very on it, with posting and keeping it going which I admire n think is pretty awesome, happy new years, I hope its filled with lots of happiness, and more interactions between the both of us !

@katsukike - blake ; my baefy fr, my first collab, my first mutual i really interacted with on this account, I have such admiration for you, and I'm honestly glad you and I connected, you're really cool, and your energy is such a fun one, also we have a mutual dislike for toji, its a sign happy new years snookums! <;3

@pupkashi - jess ; you have on of those pfps where you just know who it is whenever you show up in the notifs, cutest headcanons, n I love ur works so much, oh em gee n ur theme is so cute too guguhuhu ! have a wonderful new years jess !!

@httpshujii - ray ; okok so, another tokyo rev mutual, you seem so sweet, n i'd love to start talking to you more !! your works are so tooth rottingly good, they feel so much like rom-coms, n I like that ! happy new years !

@cursingtoji - sandy ; oh my god the theme is so brain scratching, and your nails oh my god are so freaking pretty n the cutest random thoughts about the characters n I live for it, happy happy new yearsssss !

@astruoise - nadeen ; okay so ur theme, i love the colors n it makes me happy cause its so like CRISPY? idk. its so yum, but u and I haven't interacted a whole bunch, but when we did it was definitely an interesting conversation, it felt good to know someone had the same views as me for a situation, so that's fun! your blog is so cute, and you seem rlly sweet, happy new years !

@httpghostface -bunny ; argues w me over whos more cunty between gojo n dazai, you're so funny n your energy is so inviting, you've always been sweet to me, n I rlly do appreciate u ! dazais still cuntier btw, maybe your opinion will change in 2024, speaking of which, happy new years !

@kittytoru - bon ; we barely interact which sucks so badd, but your smau short scenarios r so ngh like they're so good n I love them, your red theme is so iconic, and its actually so pretty, happy new years I hope to interact with you more !

@awniiie - awnie ; you have no works up, but I'm excited for when the day you start posting comes, imma be the first to hype it up, as i don't have much to go based on, can i just say your theme is so inviting uguguhuh on a new note, have a wonderful new year, awnie !

@kakujis - pibby ; everything about your blog scratches my brain the right way, your writing style is so engaging too and I cant wait to see what you bring into the new year, in which I say, happy new year !

@angelsinmystomach - kokoa ; cutest ever, silly billy who does silly billy things, but either way, you're so chill n silly n its so sos sososos nice talking to you, sometimes you catch me off guard with what you say, n its a good surprise every once in a while, best writings and always sends me the drabbles n ideas that pop into your head, its so cutie, lovely theme, and writing, you never fail to amaze me ! happy new year lovelyyy!

@s-cara - fae ; dedicated scara fan and im here for it, we've only recently become mutuals, but I hope that as time goes on we form some kind of connection aside from our mutual liking of scaramouche! happy new years fae !

@diviennelaw - div ; we recently became mutuals, and it was all because of how much I loved your theme colors, you write sukuna so deliciouslyiylyyk guugughghhh !! happy new years div !

@imissyuuji - mika ; lord, theres so much I could say about how much I genuinely like mika, your energy is just so inviting, and you're literally the sweetest n kindest person ever, I hope 2024 takes it easier on you, aswell as a new start for whatever it is that might need to be better for you. happy new years mika, you're so cool, your blog is so cool, n I love all the stuff you write ! <33

@fxshigurosbae - kristen ; i audibly gasped when i saw your theme its so fucking gorgeous words don't describe how glorious it is, aswell as ur fics, so yum like ohmigod, as I don't have much to say, have an amazing new year !

@drak3n - sena ; obsessed w ur blog, its all such amazing content n I was acc surprised when we became mooties and oh em gee like ur blog is so cute, n mysterious but like you write so well ugguhu, so on that note, have a wonderful new years !

@tojipie - adah ; the way you write toji is like the only way i can read him and feel something, its something about the way you write him and I've been holding this innn ughhugug, happy new years !

@sugudollz - ash ; ur so cute n ur blog is so cute n omg everythins is just so cute, but shit u write everything so good n sexy like hello?!! anyways, happy happy happy new years !

. . .

if i continue with writing, my fingers are going to fall off, I hope everyone has an awesome new year to come, and I hope we all interact more during it ! <3

happy new years everyone, yours truly, rain.

#𖦹‧.°.⋆ angels

80 notes · View notes

foolish-spectre · 6 months

Text

Preparing for a New Life (A HomeGoods Adventure)

Pairing: Astarion Ancunin x Gender Neutral!Reader/Tav (Modern!AU)

Content Warnings: none (this is just fluff, other than some jokes and banter)

Word Count: 530

Characters: Astarion Ancunin (Do you really need anyone else?, Modern AU!, so no D&D stuff unfortunately :< but it's up to you if you think he's still a vampire or just albino lol)

A/N: This was actually the very first time I wrote Astarion, all the way back in August, I actually wrote most of this while in line at a Homegoods, but I didn't post it until now because I was unsure if it was up to snuff, but look at me now running an Astarion ask blog and investing over 175+ hours in BG3 hahahhahahahah, but I figured that since it's Halloween that I should post this! anyways happy Halloween and enjoy!

Astarion’s nose scrunched up in disgust at the foul thing he was holding in his hand. With its gaudy coloring, itchy texture, and the most egregious thing about it... the damn thing’s smile looking at him. He scoffed and called out to you, “Look at this abomination, they couldn’t even get the colors right.”

You rolled your eyes, “Astarion come on, it’s just trying its best. Besides, it is going to be Halloween soon, let’s get in the spirit of things!”

The pale man clicked his tongue and it looked like he was going to throw the ghost candle onto the floor until you glared at him. He sighed and placed the candle back onto the shelf but not before flicking it down.

“What am I going to do with you, Astarion?”

“Divorce me?”

You took way too long to rebuke his statement for his liking.

“My sweet, I was kidding! Besides, I'm the best thing that’s happened to you, aren’t I?”

Your stoic face broke into laughter as Astarion reminded you of your proposal with pleading eyes.

“Oh you silly silly man, of course I’m not going to divorce you.”

Astarion wrapped his arms around your shoulders and hung off of you, “Of course not! Who would reject the likes of someone as beautiful as me?”

Giggles erupted out of you, “Yeah yeah, I want to show the world my beautiful husband.”

Astarion’s eyes widened as his grasp on you tightened, “You’re such a tease, darling. Besides, I'd never let you get rid of me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, besides who else is going to decorate our home?"

“Of course not you, my love. I adore you but your taste is terrible. If I let you decorate our home to your liking, it would be disastrous!”

You lightly punched his elbow.

Astarion dramatically flailed about, “First, you threaten to leave me now you injure me?! How horrible, what did I ever do to deserve this from my beloved!”

You stuck out your tongue, “Oh please, you love me and you know it~”

“Unfortunately yes, I am indubitably in love with you. Although sometimes I regret having my heart in your hands.”

“Yeah because, I’ll throw it on the ground like that candle.”

“Perish the thought!”

“I'm kidding , I'm kidding, I can't help but tease my delicate, silly man.”

Astarion huffed a bit before giving you a kiss on the temple, “Fine, I’ll only allow you the privilege. Besides we need to finish shopping, I don’t want to sleep on anything less than the finest sheets.”

You gave me a kiss on the cheek, “Of course. I can’t wait to go back to our house.”

Astarion hummed along as he perused the aisles with you, not too far behind, pushing the cart full of home decor.

Finally, when you were about to reach the checkout line, you noticed the same ghost candle that Astarion threatened to end the life of. A smile spread across your face as you took it and put it in the cart. Astarion didn’t say anything when he saw it displayed on the mantle instead he was going to punish you later with a smile.

#bg3 #baldur’s gate #baldur’s gate iii #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion fluff #astarion fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion bg3 #astarion baldur's gate 3 #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x mc #astarion x you #astarion romance #my writing #fluff

105 notes · View notes

huntedhauntedhunter · 5 months

Text

I have TADC agere headcanons...if anyone cares (prolly not haha)

Posting on art blog because I post my agere art here sometimes, so why not headcanons and writings too?

Will be tagged properly so you can blacklist it if you want.

Age regressors: Gangle and Pomni (FT. YOU)

Caretakers: Jax (yes and I will explain more later), Ragatha, and Zooble

Grandparent who spoils the agere and helps the caretakers: Kinger

I don't have...a spot/hc for Caine yet...sorry...feel free to tell me what you think he'd be good as though, and why/how!

------

🎀Agere Gangle: Its kind of obvious and she's not oblivious to it or in denial. She loves agere and finds it comfty and safe. She loves to draw for hours and have playdates with Pomni (she actually convinces Pomni its ok and to do it.)

I HC her caretaker as Zooble, who can be romantic or platonic! I just think Zooble would be a good caretaker for her.

📐Caretaker Zooble: Zooble is...meh about it on the surface. They don't care and they don't think they need to be so public about it. But once in the headspace, they're kind of like...a cigerette mom? Where they're sarcastic about everything, and they question almost all of your choices with a specific type of judgementalness...but they really care and if anyone (Jax) fucks with their baby, it's gonna go down.

Having Gangle as their little really opens up a protective side they didn't know they had in them. Beating the shit outta Jax becomes a more common occurence.

🤹🏻‍♀️Agere Pomni: Pomni is def in denial, and it takes a LOT of convincing from Gangle (and gentle coaxing from Ragatha telling her it's ok) to really let themselves get into it. She is very shy and anxious about it. At first she was paranoid about others finding out (namely Jax), but one Jax finds out and she becomes accustomed to...him, she really gets into. I feel Ragatha would be the best caretaker, whether platonic or romantic (altho I personally lean towards romantic!)

🔪Caretaker Ragatha: (Knife emoji is for a few reasons haha) I've seen everyone under the sun HC Ragatha as a caretaker...and so they've pretty much already said everything and I agree! Gentle, loving, sweet, but also firm and no nonsense. Her and Jax get into a LOT of fights over the littles...like, a lot. It's like watching two parents at a sports event scuffle over whose kid is better.

♟Grandpa Kinger: I HC Kinger as a grandpa figure. He isn't really a caretaker, but he spoils the littles and plays along with everyone whether he actually knows whats going on or not. Def lets them hide in his pillow fortress, whether to play in, sleep in, or be naughty and hide from their caretakers in. Teaches them about insects...plays silly games with them...etc.

🐇Caretaker Jax: OK...this one is purely for me and I have a lot amusing scenarios with Jax in which I think he'd be a fun and unique type of caretaker...So hear me out...(Since I don't see him as a caretaker for anyone in the circus, section will be xreader, sorry! I made him a caretaker for me, but if anyone does read this and enjoys it...here you go.)

It'd start with him finding out about you being an agere. And in typical Jax fashion, he would mock, berate, and tease the hell out of you every single chance he got. He would def make you cry and be paranoid, because he would go through your room and nitpick anything and everything he found.

Slowly though, and I mean SO slowly you wouldn't even notice it was happening...he would insert himself as your caretaker. Like, I'm talking he would just find amusement in teasing you and playing the part, making you upset and then saying shit like "what, aren't I a good daddy?" when he "helps" you fix the problem he caused...or sushing you by sticking a paci in your mouth, or threatening to spank you if you annoy him just a tad.

He would eventually just. Go to the playdates and sit between Zooble and Ragatha and just...start pretending he's your parent. Behind your back. You wouldn't realize he's doing this or talking about you in this way for awhile. You'd only realize it one day, when you Pomni and Gangle are having a fun competition, and you hear Jax yell at the others about how "his kids the best and gonna win", or some sports dad shit.

You don't know how to confront him, TBH...I'll let you insert how you'd personally confront him.

He's super teasing, loves having excuses to "punish" you (usually puts you in a poorly made baby jail), and acts like a mix between a deadbeat dad who only intercepts when he feels like it, and a protective dad who feels like he has to fight everyone about you being better than all the other "brats".

(Sorry the Jax part is so long, I just have lots of feelings about it...and IK the fandom would see "caretaker Jax" and laugh at how absurd that is which is fair, it's meant to be absurd! That's part of the fun and why I enjoy the idea so much.)

Anyways...yeah...that's it...just need HCs for Caine and Bubble and I'll be set....Sorry for how long this is and if you for some reason decided to read it...wow.

59 notes · View notes

arkiwii · 2 months

Note

for the ask thingie!

exusiai 1 and 8, silence 3 aaand 17. 17 seems like a fun one.

the thingie!! thanks for the questions OM NOM NOM

1. Why I love Exusiai, like her or hate her.

ok, I don't do Exusiai justice. like at all. I don't do justice to a lot of my favs actually. but I swear that she's one of my favorite characters and the first character I got invested in. she was my first 6-stars, so of course! and also, fun fact, the very first Arknights fanart I did was her.

but why i appreciate her so much?? well she's silly! yeah there's not much, but it's like, she's a character i'd love to be friend with IRL. she's easy going, really cool, funny and so lively, but also very nice and generous, also very pretty!! not in an attracted way, more in a Gender Envy way. anyway, she's just so cool!! and quite a simple character to follow around and understand. big thumbs up for the apple pie queen 👍

also with my bestie we tend to joke that "ahah my bestie is literally Exusiai irl" because of how both look like each other in term of personality, so naturally I'm attached to the character pfft

8. A headcanon I have about Exusiai.

mmm but despite how I appreciate her, she's not the character who takes a whole lot of place in my head, so I don't have many headcanons about her. BUT as I mentioned earlier, I headcanon her as being in the arospec. I dunno! I just don't imagine her getting into a relationship, but more being platonically affective with about everyone she appreciates. I just can imagine that she's not interested in it, and that anyway, she wouldnt like the idea to give "more" to someone in particular. life's more about having fun and living it at its fullest rather than finding love! and she's not in need of affection anyway, she has really reliable friends around her.

but YEAH, you will probably notice that I have a lot of arospec headcanons in Arknights LMAO I just think they're as valid!

3. If I have an OTP for Silence.

is this a serious question

have you looked at my blog in the past 6 months.

obviously its silence/ptilopsis

(jokes aside, MAYBE you meant to ask the question 4? if I have a NOTP with her? unless you were genuine with the question. in that case well uh. gesture at my +40 art pieces of Silence/Saria. I think that I'm normal about them)

17. How well Silence would do if she was dropped in a horror movie.

oh boy. it will HEAVILY depend on WHICH Silence we're talking about.

Pre-Diαbolic Experiment: very bad. she would need someone stronger than her to rely on. never leave her alone, she would panic. she would mostly be that one character who will try to solve the mystery and be nerding around. but god, she would be so insecure and paranoid.

Post-Diαbolic Experiment: final girl. she will try to rationalize what is going on. she would go on on her own, or will be protecting someone. she will try to carry all the responsibilities, fear and such, but it will become way too heavy for her, and she will often show weakness when danger is not around - and no one else is around, tbh.

Post-Lone Trail: EVERYONE is getting out of there alive or else she will make it everyone's problem. she will act like a guardian or leader, will try to take every best solution and think rationally, make sure everyone is fine and safe. she wouldn't be that much scared, honestly; she's not all strong, but way stronger than before. of course, she still needs her comforting moments, and she's far from the best physically speaking, but her will is of steel.

in all cases anyway, if someone died in front of her, she wouldn't be able to take it and will be broken on the spot. especially if it's someone she was meant to protect, she will blame herself for being too weak.

#its arospec week spread arospec exusiai #mmm rhine lab horror movie sounds funny #arknights #askiwi #thanks for the ask!!

23 notes · View notes

runwayrunway · 10 months

Text

Miss Conenginality, No. 1 - Boeing 377 Stratocruiser

Very recently I was asked what my favorite planes visually are, and I said that I would do a series of posts on the matter for each like the original post received. A lot of people close to me probably had an idea in mind as to what my first post would be, and I'm going to intentionally not give them what they expect.

Today's featured model is a blast from the past, the Boeing 377 Stratocruiser!

Image: San Diego Air & Space Museum Archives

Serving for just over a decade (1949-1963), the Stratocruiser was a member of that weird generation between the flying boat era and the introduction of turboprops and early jets, contemporary to the early Constellation models and the DC-6. For the day it was a pretty advanced design - it had to be, to compete with the two aforementioned giants. It had a pressurized cabin and impressive range but most notably it was a literal giant with its two passenger decks and triple-digit passenger of capacity, and was Pan Am's choice to replace the luxury overseas transport offered by their old Boeing 314 flying boats - they placed the most expensive order in history at the time, for 20 planes. In a very early example of the US government deciding Boeing was their favorite, mail routes flown by Stratocruisers were heavily subsidized for Pan Am and Northwest.

Sounds great! Only problem is that nobody can afford to operate it and the propellers fall off and overspeed whenever they feel like it. Nearly a quarter of the 56 examples built were destroyed in accidents and Boeing lost seven million dollars (in 1950s money).

But this blog isn't about those sorts of things. We Eat Babies Airlines can get a good rating if it has a good livery and the Christmas Bullet could get a feature if I liked how it looked. And can we talk about how the Stratocruiser looks like a plane dressed up as a blimp?

Those wings look way too skinny to lift her! Physics is truly incredible. Look how big those nacelles are compared to the wings! What is this thing! Image: San Diego Air & Space Museum Archives

How did we get here? Why did they design it to look like this? Well, it's actually a bit of a story. We did not start out here. We started out with the B-29 Superfortress, a decidedly normal-looking WWII-era bomber probably best known for the whole...nuclear bombs thing. We then added a second lobe (and some other modifications) for the C-97 Stratofreighter. And then the war ended and, as was not especially uncommon back then, the decision was made to develop an airliner variant of what had been a military cargo plane, and the Stratocruiser was born.

You can really see the transformation into an aerostat taking place.

I do think it really shows that this was a development of a more normal airframe, but I think that almost makes it even more charming. The Stratocruiser is a strange plane, a very large bumblebee made of metal and held together with dollar bills and chewing gum.

Image: William Simpson/US Coast Guard

Here's one being successfully ditched (as Pan Am flight 6), because why not!

And, thankfully, the world of aviation wasn't content to stop there. As aircraft grew in size and the space race began in earnest there arose a need for excessively large freighters. Today you may be familiar with the Airbus Beluga and Boeing Dreamlifter, but you may be a little less familiar with NASA's outsize cargo aircraft, used to carry full rocket stages. The only Stratocruiser-derived aircraft still in service: NASA's Aero Spacelines Super Guppy.

Yes, this feels like the end stage of the Stratocruiser's evolutionary line. This is correct. I love her, and I hope you all do too.

The Stratocruiser is a strange curiosity for sure, an odd-looking relic of a long-bygone era...and so irresistibly silly that I can't help but love it.

youtube

#miss conenginality #double sunrise

80 notes · View notes

selya711-twiste · 5 months

Note

what pose refer- OH

#if you know the pose reference i'm so sorry

poor poor anon. aware of the horrors. although if fellow had this much power since the start he wouldn't be doing all this nonsense huh

bonus giddy:

other meta about Playful Land that I've decided to hide in this post (minor CSM spoilers discussed underneath):

I got into Chainsaw Man during the time this blog was in a coma! if that wasn't obvious already ^-^

Fellow and Guidel growing up in poverty reminded me a lot of Denji and Pochita, and I listen to CSM ost often these days I'm only drawing Fellow as Makima for funnies because they both manipulate others without them knowing, and absolutely nothing else. he's too boyfailure for that.

"The country mouse gets to to live in safety, but doesn't get to eat delicious food like they have in the city. The Town mouse gets to eat delicious food, but runs a higher risk of being killed by humans or cats."

I've also been thinking of this line with them lately, either they live honestly and barely make anything when society rejects them as it is, or work at Playful Land despite its horrid conditions if it means their survival

in which I also headcanon that Fellow's drive in doing this in the first place is his envy, and to fulfill a sense of revenge towards people who get to live normal lives but fell for a "free ticket" the same way Pleasure Island also existed as a metaphor to punish people for giving in to hedonistic desires. So that's why he put up with it for so long especially under his greedy bosses

Not a lot of people talk about how as much as Fellow cares about Guidel, he still roped in a child into this job alongside him and exposing him to this sort of stuff, so I was hoping it'd be discussed more when analyzing their bond together and not just fellow's backstory (or whatever crumbs canon gave us), and that's what I had in mind when writing this

theres nothing wrong with finding guidel cute and silly! hes a cute little guy who is very much loved by his older brother, his... very irresponsible brother. but I think that's why I can still come to love Fellow and how raising and protecting Guidel could've played a bigger part in his change at the ending when he stops everything to start a school instead

I was really hoping that Stage in Playful Land would also give us Ortho-Guidel parallels the same way with Idia-Rollo and how they dealt with their grief in Glorious Masquerade, but this time with "little brothers" and their attachment to their "older brothers" but their autonomy outside of them being brought into question

Anyway, I was wondering how the Playful Land operations would impact Guidel, so I was thinking Fellow probably bullshitted some reasons so it isn't merely just guidel following his brother but also being in on it (that, and middle schoolers are built different.)

This worked until the NRC students brought up something sensitive to them, which was school, and it takes the veil off Guidel's eyes and ears for a second about what they're doing and what sort of lives he and fellow could've had seeing the nrc students have so much fun

Sorry this was all over the place LOL. If you've read this far, the contents in my blog may begin to take a darker turn if I post more about them, so I'm really sorry if you followed me for Rollo fluff... but it's also almost my christmas break, so :DDD

i can still see everyones requests in my inbox, by the way. sorry again.

#fellow honest #ferro honest #twst #twisted wonderland #ms paint #bebepostings #twst guidel #twst giddel #stage in playful land #in good fujimoto fashion i gave him a bigger ass

29 notes · View notes

astroboyanalysis · 3 months

Text

7. The Greatest Robot on Earth

oh boy here we go

As a warning, this liveblog may take me multiple days (or like, a week, I literally don't know) to get all the reblogs on. The way you will know I am truly done is 1. I will say so on that reblog above the readmore and 2. I will post the next story. Won't do that until I'm done with this one, obviously.

Let's get started.

(I begin the first panel and am immediately affronted with what I must acknowledge is racism) ah

I am not the best person to speak on this. I am also likely not the first (although a quick google search has not revealed essays to me) to see this and recognize its heavy anti-arab racism and caricature. Because I am not the best person to speak on this, aside from pointing out that I do in fact recognize this and asking that you as the reader of this blog also recognize this, there is not much I am planning to discuss on it. I can't imagine there's much that hasn't already been said. It was wrong to portray a person or culture this way then, and it's wrong now. That's all I'll say for now.

Glad he has such a convenient visual for us. Also, I'm so fond of these robot designs. I love Pluto but boy are these silly and fun.

This sounds both normal to want and achievable as a goal, yeah

This is one of those just actually horrific moments, lmao. The gore of it all. The fact that his horns seem made to simply pass current through whatever touches them, or to arc electricity almost, is just wild. If I'm understanding the visual correctly and its meant to bring forward arcs of electricity like a taser, but at such a large scale, I'm fairly certain it would simply melt one of these robots if it didn't blow them up.

I'm glad we've moved past this visual.

I am somewhat curious if it was meant to be received as funny at the time. It must have been, right...?

Atom's characterization in the original manga is so starkly different to how its developed over time (and especially with multiple authors at this point). He's so ready to fight and doesn't stop to think at all - I'm so fond of the (cough, 2003, cough) idealistic and pacifistic Atom who only fights when there is no choice we've come to love now. The parallels between his appearance (childlike) and his views on the world (naive) are clear and the way that clashes with the events in the world around him and pushes him into these really difficult situations is just so much more compelling to me, idk. I really do love the "I don't want to fight you, I want to help you, I want to be your friend" (and actually meaning it) approach.

Some of what I really love about Astro Boy is that Atom's idealism has truth to it, but it puts him in conflict with others. The truth is somewhere in the idea that everyone has a right to exist, that everyone has value, that robots and humans can coexist - But just because it's true doesn't mean it's uncontroversial, and his existence being in opposition to others interests is what pushes him to make hard decisions. He's being shown again and again these conflicts that arise when humans make robots with bad intentions, when humans mistreat robots, when they try to live together, etc. etc., but his childlike and naive approach to the world LETS him keep hope that the better future he believes in will come to pass. His permanent youth is paralleled by his permanent optimism and the fact that he simply won't become jaded - or at least, not for long.

Gosh I can't wait to get to 2003 again.

I could talk about how the antidote to apathy and becoming overwhelmed with the horrors of the world is in what kids bring to the table forever. But it's all there, isn't it?

Anyway "I'll teach you to make a fool of me" while being inches away from certain death is very funny. "You think that's funny? I'm about to be hilarious"

Can't argue with that!

I love when Ochanomizu gets to have a moment like this.

This moment directly parallels something Atom said earlier, actually:

Anyway. "If it was only about strength" is a very important quote here and I'll probably come back to it at the end of the story. He really sums it all up right at the beginning though. What a good father figure. Although he does say ""only"" 100,000 horsepower which seems silly.

Uran what the hell lmao. He's clearly upset why are you egging him on like that.

Ok I do love how angry and ashamed he is here. The Atom we see in this comic specifically seems to base a lot of his value on his ability to win a fight through brute strength, which is kind of interesting. It's also interesting when we see this sort of character be so submissive to authority - It indicates there's a heirarchy beyond strength that they do have to acknowledge (social capital, respect of elders, something in there), yet they value strength so highly maybe because it's the heirarchy they can control, somewhat. And yet here he's been told he's not allowed to get stronger to win.

(Guy that likes bugs) I'm getting some real bugs vibes from North #2's design

He's shaped like a praying mantis to me, sort of. I'm about to say the same thing when we see Gesicht as well, but he looks more like a fly.

The idea of this being impersonal is very strange to me, but also very compelling. I will ignore how much I love Pluto's approach to this manga because I'm not commenting on differences here, and I'm just going to talk about it as its own characterization. Like a normal person.

Why would Pluto have any amount of hatred towards the robots he's meant to destroy? They're more alike him than the one commanding him to kill them. There's a kind of tragedy in this, I suppose - although he's not particularly against hurting them, either. But the fact he feels a need to tell them it's not personal is interesting.

Uran also having the same idea of Atom's value that he himself does, but having very little care for Ochanomizu's wisdom on the matter (while Atom dejectedly accepts it as fact) puts them in conflict here - She expects more of him than he's showing - Why is he bowing down now? But Atom also values his own niceties, his deference to power, and his acceptance of the authority of the one who, in a way, owns him.

We do see that Ochanomizu tells Atom he's free in the first comic, yet Atom continues to treat Professor Ochanomizu as if he created him, and values his authority above all else. As of yet, we haven't seen him directly disagree with Professor Ochanomizu or his authority, and he does act basically the way any owned robot (or a child born to a parent) would (seems to stick around Ochanomizu, listens to what he says and obeys, etc.), just with far more freedoms and independence.

Basically, in this first iteration, their relationship is very difficult for me to parse out. He's certainly paternal, he's certainly a guiding figure, and he certainly has authority over Atom that Atom does not question, but Atom is given a full family unit outside of the Professor, and the Professor is not his creator.

We have not (yet) seen a reason for Atom to understand that Ochanomizu's authority is earned, like, for example, him disobeying and then finding that Ochanomizu was right all along. This iteration of Atom lacks the tendency of children to push boundaries or to think independently, it seems.

her pajamas are just so cute

CONFIRMED they're pants in this iteration and not a permanent part of his body.

Great question, Uran! It'd be awesome if we had any introduction to you or your creation before reading this comic so that this would strike us in any way at all. But alas, that is not the order of the omnibus.

Still, she has a good point as far as we're concerned. Why didn't he do that? Why aren't there a bunch of Atoms flying around all the time? I'm curious if the manga itself will actually answer this.

Pluto himself is so deeply interesting to me. He does smile while he fights the robots he's been ordered to fight, and while he kills them, and yet he seems to value robots in general on a basic level. He made it clear it was not a personal issue and was because he was ordered to, but it's still interesting to me that he doesn't seem to care one way or the other about violence. He doesn't like it enough to enact it when he hasn't been ordered to.

Ochanomizu has the authority to Forbid Atom from fighting. It's clear Atom is choosing not to, at Ochanomizu's request, so taking a hostage to force him into it also indicates to me that it's a choice to obey that can be overriden if Atom wills it (and that, without this motivation, he simply doesn't, or prefers to defer to Ochanomizu out of respect, obligation, or otherwise).

"Baby sister" is so cute considering that she never was a baby

His kindness.... What made him like that. I do love him so much

I do love that Atom's mercy plays a major role here. I think it's interesting that Pluto asks in the first place.

"That's what I was designed to do" is an answer that isn't immediately rebuffed by Atom with anything about freedom to choose your path or anything. He seems to mostly stay quiet on what other robots do in their positions, from what we've seen, and doesn't particularly care to help anyone liberate themselves if they don't already want it in the first place.

Can any Astro Boy scholars let me know what the original text says in Japanese and what the meaning of the word used is? Tomboy just seems so strange here and I'm curious how faithful the translation is to the original text. I'm not even sure how to go about finding a copy of the story in Japanese, frankly, because it's so old.

But why....? His father doesn't even seem to have his own take on this or care that it's dangerous, it's all about the fact that Ochanomizu told him to.

He's just very flylike to me

Again. horrific.

Okay I don't have anything to say but Cobalt's really cute in this panel. Anyway I'll continue this in a reblog because I've run out of images!

#astro boy #mighty atom #tetsuwan atom

12 notes · View notes

cookieeevee · 2 months

Text

Hello Yellow and Welcome People!!

Most people tend to call me Cookie or Cookieeevee because of my blog name, but call me Alice! I use the pronouns She/Her and They/Them (I don't mind which one you use)

I am into Rain World, OneShot, Pokemon, Warrior Cats, Kirby, Sonic, Pikmin, Ori, Chicory: a colorful tale, Steven universe, MHA, Epic Mickey, and many more

You can ask me anything, I'd love to chat with you all (Ask about ADH au or ask Lily if u want too)

Art requests are always welcomed :D

My designs of the slugcats and Iterators My Rain world OCs My other OCs

Side blogs of mine:

Cookie: @ask-cookieeevee03

Madge: rainworld-starsandclouds023

Droplet (Old, should probably reboot at some point): rainworld-ask-the-medic

SOES: rainworld-lifeisendless230

Slugcat's: rainworld-cycle-of-slugcats

just doodle/art blog: mossy-doodles85

Silly adventurers of my plush's (feel free to send me art in Messages of the sillys if you want, I will post it and credit u, if u want :3)

you can draw for me if ya want

Amazing Friends Of Mine!: @rainworld-obsessed-cat-reborn (One of my first tumblr friends! Probably one of my closes friends here! They are really silly and has great art! I thought I'd never see them again once their main blog got deleted... I'm very glad they're back now. I care for them with the might of a 1000 suns and always wish for the best of them! I'll always have their back, no matter what <3) @stargazer0001 (A great friend, who I really care for! One of the first people I go to talk to about silly ideas and aus of mine. They're art is a joy to see and our silly chats we had before were really fun! Thanks for being there for me <3) @critter2 (Super silly bud that I met because of Star! Their art is amazing and its always a blast to be around them! Sadly they aren't on often so that kinda sucks... ALSO THEY ARE WHOLESOME WHEREVER THEY THINK/KNOW THAT OR NOT!!!!) @lanternlightsovercloudyskies (I've actually never checked if we're friends or not, but see her as one! Cute silly art that a joy to see, and shes super wholesome in my opinion! I always hope for the best for her!) @bananacat76 (My silly great friend! They're super cool and wholesome, all things I wish to be. They've let me add their RW persona, Banana cat, to my RW AU and even let me make Banana Cat Enot's sibling! Lots of hugs to them! A joy see and a gift to be around ^^) @meowyncherry (THIS SUPER AMAZING AND COOL PERSON IS MY FRIEND!!! Hes made super cute and silly art that is a joy to see and always puts a smile on my face! Cherry has been a super great person and he need MORE LOVE so go check him out and give him some love!!)

Random things about me: My favorite colors are mint green and lavender I want to write but am too scared to put it online and I get writers block a lot... I wish people would ask me more things (on any of my blogs)... My IRL friend group and I do a lot of dark humour I draw all the time, in class, at lunch, at home, in the car, and many other places Cream is my favorite Sonic character I my 3rd favorite Sonic character is Chris from Sonic X, FIGHT ME ON IT I have four brothers and no sisters... I have many AUs which I will probably never tell anyone about because I am scared of doing that Rain world brain rot I REALLY want to play SA2 just because of the chao garden If you want to be friends with me, just ask. Cuz I'm probably not gonna ask you that and I'm always happy to have more friends I need help

#pinned post #silly thing #silly chat #me #echo #star #shroom #lamp #banana #cherry #OC

9 notes · View notes

demonslayedher · 1 year

Note

What were gay and lesbian relationships like in the Taisho era? How frowned upon was it to see them flirting or public kissing (nothing explicit, just casual kissing or "how beautiful you are my love" flirtation)?

Yyyyeah… short answer is that Taisho was a bad time to be anything but cis and straight. And male, for that matter, as the Meiji Civil Code of 1898 made women entirely subordinate to men (like described in this post about Uzui & having multiple wives). While Taisho is known as a period of “free love,” this started to happen later in Taisho, and was more in reference to young couples meeting and deciding if they liked each other first so their opinions had more weight in their marriages instead of everything being decided by their families (described in more detail and used to analyze KnY characters here). As a major cultural shift, teenage girls became drivers of commercial culture, and they saw the world through romantic lenses, and they had standards for who they liked. Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho would likely get to enjoy this era at its height. However, that was the extent of “free love.” As a very, very brief history of Japan’s LGBT history…

...I'm going to say right now, and remind you later on, that this is not a scholarly article and my blog is not a scholarly resource. Also, as I'm writing this, my brain is half-dead from real life paperwork, so it's going to jump all over the place. However, please note that I wanted to focus on facts and history as told about as told by LGBT advocates, because diving straight into the history means you're going to get very different definitions. The modern LGBT community in Japan uses terminology essentially the same as other worldwide LGBT communities, so their angle makes this easier to highlight what's different and what's relevant. As a refresher, I found this article and this article especially helpful, but I do not know how useful Google translate will be on them.

So then to dive into history...

Yes, there absolutely were gay samurai warlords, famous ones, too! Men could be recognized for having straight or gay or bisexual orientation, as sexuality was closely associated with manhood. Women? Pfft. Women don’t have sexuality.* Or at least, that was so generally accepted that no one really even paid much attention to sexual relationships between women; there wasn’t even terminology for it because it was so overlooked. While literature about sexual relations between men (or not-quite-men, as was the case was in beautiful young amab persons) was rampant, literature about the sexual relations between women existed too, but it had more potential to be played off as a joke. After all, women don’t have sex drive, silly.*

*Please note, this is sarcasm.

Being transgender wasn’t really enough of a concept to have terminology for it, either. While there certainly were people who identified with a different gender than they were assigned at birth and convincingly lived like that, or were assigned the opposite gender than their parts implied and were raised that way, historically they were looked at as “men in women’s clothing” or “women in men’s clothing” instead of ever having transitioned from one gender to another, or having been a different one all along. There just wasn’t a sex .vs. gender set of vocabulary to work with, which is why applying labels like “trans” wouldn’t quite translate to the people who lived these experiences, even if they did relate to the core ideas.

OTHER HISTORY STUFF which doesn't translate well into modern ideas

While this is going to take us away from the Taisho topic, there are other points to note which make the historical homosexual culture different from modern LGBT culture, and I’m going to get it all out of my system right here, just so I have this all in one place (this is ONLY a general overview to frame thinking, not a historical resource, do not quote my blog as a scholarly source, I’ve forgotten which books and classes and articles I’ve picked these things up from over the years, and I'm not going to dig back up my 30 page undergrad paper about masculinity and idealized samurai, also, wow, is it midnight already?? Basically, I just have the unfortunate task describing how it wasn't all nice rainbows): --Homosexual relationships usually circled around the romance of power imbalance; one partner having significant social power over the other, and often being much older. This idea is practically inseparable from the Warring States and Edo period notions of sexual relationship between men (so not exactly what we’d call wholesome nowadays, sorry, this is the majority of what to expect if you have any interest in this topic)

--Marriage wasn’t considered a pact between people and gods until the Meiji period, when Japan was going through a strengthening of its own religious convictions as a means of national identity, so Shintoism and Buddhism didn’t exactly prohibit it, it was out of their bounds, kind of

--The Edo period did have anti-gay restrictions due to moral panic, but they were trying to curb all kinds of moral panics that caused societal disturbances, be it Christianity, women in theater, lovers’ suicides, overly enthusiastic displays of bravery through eager seppuku, wearing clothes too fancy for your social class, etc. Jealous lovers’ spats over those dang pretty boys had to be stopped!

--It’s generally accepted that Japan had “acceptance” of individuals of ambiguous gender or who married people who appeared to be the same gender, even if that person wore the clothes typical of a husband or wife role. However, this was not an active acceptance (of the “cool, what are your pronouns?” variety), but a passive acceptance (“that guy’s wearing lipstick… oh well, not gonna ruin my day” variety). It was not the norm at all, but it wasn’t seen as harmful or worthy of a fuss.

--While there’s a long history of literary characters living contrary to the sexual binary and crossing gender lines, the narrative tension of these stories often relied on the idea that no matter how convincing they might be, they can’t escape the gender associated with their physical parts (thereby not a total acceptance or recognition of the label of their choosing). It's not to say you can't find counter-examples, but again, the terminology I've most often seen used was "men in women's clothing" and "women in men's clothing."

--Marriage and family registry regulations did exist in Edo, sort of. People needed to be registered at their local temple for census-like reasons (and for reasons of stamping out the Hidden Christians). Per local regulations (which could be pretty lose), if you were taking a wife you might have had to report her name and what temple her family was registered under, and maybe a really fastidious monk would say, “hey, that name was registered as a son, what the hell,” but it was also kind of easy to fudge the report and find it unlikely if someone would check if that family temple existed or not. --Also, prior to the influence of Western mindsets, the Edo period saw its own resurgences of Confucian values which paved some of the way for societal changes which would come later.

KNOCK KNOCK... IT'S THE MEIJI RESTORATION

So then came Meiji, when Japan very, very quickly adopted Western culture so that they could be on an even playing field with other world powers. While this did mean strengthening their own national identity and army (which is part of what led to the strengthening of family regulations and civil codes, to raise a strong and united populace), it also meant taking in a lot of Western influence all at once, that was when Japan was awash with the concept that homosexuality was a sin. Next thing you know, gay couples (or couples in which one person had male parts but identified as female) were not officially recognized, and then homosexual relations become a criminal act in 1872, but this was later rescinded in 1880. The damage was done, society turned very harsh against homosexual relations. I know, I know. It's the truth you really don't want to hear if you're going for historical accuracy in fanwork. Tanjiro and his cohorts grew up in a time of widespread homophobia. This is your general reminder that fanfiction can be whatever you want and you can choose to ignore this. This homophobia didn’t really go away until the Americans came in in 1945 and restructured Japanese society around personal freedoms. It didn’t take long for gay bars to hit the scene in the 1950s.

However, clearly sexuality is only a thing men have.* Those Taisho period girls, getting along really well? Clearly they have a sisterly relationship, they’re very close.*

*All sarcasm.

To back up a bit, even straight Taisho couples—proper married ones and everything!—wouldn’t be caught holding hands in public. Scandalous! The women is subordinate to the man, she always walks behind him. Flirting in public? Heavens, no!* While I did get another Ask about Taisho dating and will go into it more there, in general, Taisho couples were considered very shy when it came to dating and courtship. It was their chance to find partners of their choosing, after all, they couldn't afford to spoil this precious freedom. *Sarcasm. Couples found ways. Popular date spots were where they could avoid being seen.

I’m not kidding about that not-holding-hands stuff. It really wasn’t something you’d see couples do, unless they wanted everyone talking trash about them. Couples going on long walks and fancy dates together was totally a thing, but at least under public eye, you kept a chaste distance.

But then how would they express their maidenly passion...?

Love letters flourished in the late Meiji through early Showa period. There were even magazines dedicated to them, still in collections like the National Diet Library Japan. As I can only read modern Japanese these are difficult for me to read, but dang, for what I can make out, they sound like giddy teenage girls of today. They feel like Mitsuri, talking about all those flighty doki-dokis! And there was a particular genre of them, called “S” (pronounced in loanword katakana, “esu”). For “Sister,” clearly.

C-l-e-a-r-l-y.*

*Sarcasm.

So yeah.

Passionate, touchy-feeling relationships between girls, and the tension of being unable to confess love to one another or pining for one another… we’ve still got those letters, in the true Taisho style of flirting. Take that, Edo period Neo-Confucionists. Taisho Period Girl Power.

#kny references #kny reference

99 notes · View notes

7grandmel · 3 months

Text

Todays rip: 13/01/2024

RNR (Rip No Riffs)

Season 1 No Album Release (Read More) DND (Do Not Destroy) - No More Heroes

Ripped by Triple-Q

youtube

Alright, uh, WHEW - I hope everyone's had a great day in a post-Christmas Comeback Crisis Episode 11 world!! I've been absolutely giddy with excitement and joy ever since I watched it and I'm so glad that the reception has been so universally positive all around. I'm trying to wind down from all of it, and figured I might as well push a rip I had down the pipeline to cover up earlier in the schedule. And hey - RNR (Rip No Riffs) is also somewhat Christmas Comeback Crisis-related! If you haven't heard the rip on its own, you've DEFINITELY heard it within that series.

For those out of the loop, RNR (Rip No Riffs) is used as the theme to the Rapper's Union HQ in the CCC, the hub of the story's chill resistance faction fighting against The Voice. Yesterday with 9来4s I wrote a fair bit about how excellent a job dante and c.o. have done in giving the series a very distinct soundscape, but the thing is - that doesn't just apply to composing new songs for the series. Plenty of rips from the channel's life have been used for music in the series without being explicitly made with that purpose, and RNR (Rip No Riffs) is probably the most widely recognized of these tracks?

I think it's an excellent choice for a lot of reasons, quality aside, because of just how well it slots into the series' tone and feel. The original DND (Do Not Destroy) is the laid-back lounge theme of the original No More Heroes, playing whenever Travis Touchdown is at home rather than slaughtering people en masse outside - it's a chill calm before the storm, so to speak. At a first inattentive listen, you may not even notice that RNR (Rip No Riffs) is edited at all, as its edits aren't exactly explicitly out of tune or in contrast to the original tune. As the track's chill vibe plays out, elements from All-Star are inserted into the backing, eventually being replaced with the guitar from Linkin Park's In The End - a song typically associated with pent-up anger, frustration, rage, hatred, the works. Yet the rip builds it all up so subtly, it never interrupts the chill lounge beat that laid the foundation for the original track, and so this change in emotion never truly registers as sounding out of place or wrong.

And to me, that's what makes it such a perfect fit for the Rappers' Union's theme - it's a home where these people relax, where they talk to one another and lounge, yet its also the place where all their bubbling rage against the oppression they face is being stored - the last remaining home to all of these damaged souls. The Christmas Comeback Crisis, for as silly as its premise is, and for as many lighthearted moments that it does have, is still fundamentally a story about strife and conflict, about a bubbling state of disarray that's slowly exploding into full-on warfare. RNR (Rip No Riffs) feels like the perfect theme to embody all of those emotions, a breezy jam playing in the background to a downtrot apartment space that slowly bubbles to become something far more serious, with far more grit and rage.

I certainly don't believe this sort of vibe was what Triple-Q had in mind with the original upload - at the end of the day, it's just a silly, classic Season 1 rip, changing just enough in a familiar song to sound different while still sounding recognizably like the original. Yet I find it so fascinating that the rip still stands on its own two feet, whilst adding some genuine gravitas and mood to the series it was eventually grafted on to - althewhile being such a relatively-obscure pick for a rip to use, that it didn't feel played out whatsoever when it showed up again.

A lot of the stuff I've covered for Season 1 on this blog has been of a sort of "higher" status, be it all-time classics like Live and Ooooooooooooooh and Pikmin Park, the emotional highs of Epic Flintstones and Stone Halation, or just generally ones tied to more well-remembered passion projects like Everyday Goodbyes (SiIvaGunner Band Cover). And in comparison, rips like RNR (Rip No Riffs) may end up feeling kind of...normal, kind of basic and simple in their edits. Yet that simplicity has never been a bad thing, and its never been anything holding rips down from striking pure gold, and there's something just so sweet about knowing that any rip, of any kind, any popularity, can eventually get this kind of association, this kind of retroactive use and meaning, that ends up drawing so many more associations and thoughts to it than were originally intended.

#todays siivagunner #season 1 #siivagunner #siiva #tentative rip name #Triple-Q #Youtube #no more heroes #nmh #suda51 #christmas comeback crisis #siivagunner lore #siivagunner ccc #the voice inside your head

11 notes · View notes

yinyuedijun · 25 days

Note

Help I have another idea I need to share sjdnkek

This one's a bit wild ig so bear with me ok??! It's fluffy too and non toxic I think. I hope. Pls tell me this isn't somehow creepy I'm sorry if it is skskdkkd

SO- Aventurine × Ena! Reader.

Ena being ofc, the Gaiathra Triclops. In this version, even though everyone believes Ena was assimilated into Xipe, that's not what really happened - Ena instead made a deal with Xipe, trusting the Harmony to uphold Order, and willingly gave up their path and power as an Aeon, choosing to reincarnate as a mortal. And before they gave up their power, they did two last things: first, guarantee that their reincarnation would regain at least some knowledge of their previous life, i.e knowing that they were an Aeon before. And second, give out one last blessing to one of the people they watched over - Kakavasha.

Ena goes on to reincarnate (I'm thinking something like the Dan Heng/Dan Feng situation, so reader has dreams of their previous memories and such, but is a completely different person to who Ena was), and Reader!Ena lives a pretty tranquil life as a mortal - while Kakavasha goes through hell, and loses faith in the Gaiathra Triclops. I haven't given much thought to how they meet, but maybe Ena!Reader goes to Penacony out of curiosity for what a land presided by Harmony is like (given that they know they used to be the Aeon of Order, and that they had previously chosen to entrust Harmony with their path.) and they run into Aventurine there - and they just know. They can feel Ena's blessing on him, and they're immediately drawn to him.

Getting to know each other, creating a bond, trusting each other until Aventurine can open up about his past with them, and reader reveals their identity, and suddenly everything changes for him - he wasn't abandoned by his God, but rather they'd given him their final blessing before they passed - and reader has this strong urge to cherish and protect him, not because he's the child blessed by Ena, but because they've fallen for him. The complicated relationship they'll have to sort out where Kakavasha feels like Reader is a gift sent by Gaiathra, while Reader cherishes and worships him like he's the divine one. Aventurine being loved unconditionally and cherished for the first time, being basically worshiped by the Reader.. being treated like he's the most precious thing in the world, being looked at with pure love and adoration. The hurt, the confusion, the fear of being loved.. maybe reader can have some issues too and be so wholly devoted they'd do anything for him, no matter how much it might harm them, just to add a bit more trouble to work on.

I don't think I'll ever actually write any of my ideas (even though I do have a writing blog lmao) bc I'm too insecure about my writing and my inspiration bursts are too inconsistent, but thank you for reading my silly thoughts and letting me share them lol I really appreciate it, especially bc you're one of my favorite writers here <3

- Penacony DH smut anon (lol)

I DONT THINK ITS CREEPY AT ALL!! I adore reincarnation romances and I have a particular fondness for reincarnated deity romances. It would be so interesting to see Aventurine process this news. I really like the phrase you used wrt "the fear of being loved" - I think Aventurine would suffer very, very intensely from this fear under regular circumstances with a human. I can only imagine the state of panic he'd be in if he were the object of affection of the god who supposedly forsook him. augflgsjsk it would be so juicy... reader too I'm sure they're full of many complicated feelings just like dan heng is (I bet the two of them would be besties)

I'm sad hearing that you feel you won't write your ideas, I think they are so brilliant and I love reading them 🥺 you're always welcome to share them here - but please let me know if you do ever decide to post something, I'd love to read and reblog it <333

#yueshuo.asks #asks.penacony dh smut anon #<- ur thirst was so legendary btw i think about it every so often while im grinding in penacony LOLLL #hsr 1.2 spoilers #AS AN ASIDE I APPARENTLY HAVE ZERO LORE KNOWLEDGE BC I THOUGHT GAIATHRA TRICLOPS WASNT AN AEON? 😭#what lore did i miss.....

7 notes · View notes

piracytheorist · 10 months

Note

I've recently migrated to Tumblr from the blue bird hellsite and I'm really enjoying it, a big part of it is due to all the extra fandom content and that includes your blog, so thank you!

You've probably answered this somewhere (apologies if so) but how come you don't read the manga? I really enjoy the anime and the second season and movie can't come quick enough!

Hi and welcome, hope you have fun in this silly little hellsite XD I'm glad I'm one of the people that make your stay enjoyable <3

I did mention in a post some time ago about why I don't read the sxf manga but I think you're the first one to ask me about it so don't worry ;) my quick answer is that reading manga from the small screen of my laptop ruins my immersion (especially in comparison to reading in printed form), and that in general I don't like spoilers and I prefer experiencing a story without knowing anything about it.

While watching the anime I feel fully immersed and I can properly enjoy it because anime is meant to be watched from a screen. I love the story, but as I said I prefer going in on a story almost completely blind, I like not knowing what's going to happen, and I have actually tried reading a few manga chapters before they were animated, and while it was a fun experience, it ended up lessening my enjoyment of the episodes slightly. I was comparing stuff a lot. It's like reading a book and then watching a film that was based on it, you usually spot what is missing and make way too many comparisons. On the other hand, I did not make such comparisons when I read the manga after watching the anime, I could instead enjoy it just as much. That was like reading the book after watching the film, in which case, for me, the film isn't ruined and the book provides cool little details that the film omitted.

So, after I compared my experiences and saw what was more enjoyable to me, I decided to not read further into the manga and only read the chapters after I watch their respective anime episodes. I have full respect for Endo's work and the effort and dedication he's put into it, I've been slowly buying the manga volumes and will continue to do so unless a scandal arises or the story goes full downhill both of which I hope never happen and I neither suggest everyone should do it my way nor do I take pride in it. It makes being in the fandom very hard (since I cannot engage in pretty much any discussion nor interact with most other fans) but I really really really love this story and its characters, and I want to give myself the chance to enjoy it in the way I know will be most enjoyable to me.

I am so jealous of people who like or don't mind spoilers, or who can get fully immersed by the manga alone. I know there's so much of the story and development I'm missing and since my main reason for being on tumblr is a) meta analysis and b) talking about it with other fans, being anime-only is almost contradictory to that. But it's a story promising enough to make me believe the wait will be worth it :)

I've already put a countdown widget on my phone for the movie, and I can't wait for the season 2 premiere date to be officially announced so I can add a countdown for that too! I'm so excited to get more of the story, as well as new stuff with the film! From some spoilers I've gotten for the following chapters, it seems to be an arc with great story and development so I can't wait to experience it for myself :D

#resonancebeach #nette speaks #sxf #ask and ye shall receive

26 notes · View notes

antiendovents · 2 months

Note

[ Vent Below ]

TWS: Cultural Appropriation, very very brief gun mention

I'm confessing my sins to you, and I pray this never gets traced back to my actual account. I just have never, EVER been able to share this with anyone. Ever. I don't think you will necessarily be a "safe place" either, but this is a vent/rant space with an anon option. I feel very slightly safe. No one in the system community would accept me if they knew what I did, so I'm like "anon vent mode".

When I was thirteen, I ''''''created'''''' [heavy quotes because it isn't an actual thing] an alter who we will call A, since he'll be a reoccurring part of this all. I did not call him an alter at the time. To be honest with you, mod of this account and I guess anyone who reads this, [my first sin] back when I ''''''created''''' him, I called him a tulpa.

We found out later that the professional who diagnosed us with DID [because, yes, we are a medically recognized system] had done so without bringing it up being a possibility up a second time. I mention second time because the first time she had brought it up, she commented that the specialists she talked to said that they would be hesitant to diagnose me [rightfully so]. She, in hindsight, probably didn't mention any of our trauma to them because of HIPPA. i [alter front] personally believe she diagnosed us around this time.

The second time it was brought up, it was actually an entirely separate alter than the one she told about the hesitance to diagnose. The alter at that time was like "I think we may have to consider DID.. It sounds like what I experience...." and she was like "I already diagnosed you months ago, I talked to 3 other alters".

Talk about a surprise pikachu moment for that alter.

When I first joined the system space, I was a semi-newly discovered system. I had already known about several alters-- A and his creation was what made us be able to communicate with as a system, but all communication was slashed when we had a new host front for three years , which was the host who got us diagnosed. So when we were joining tumblr, we were just establishing good contact again, and when I made my blog I was diagnosed for, like, idk a year before [social media scares us, community spaces scare us, and this is our first time using tumblr again since 2013].

We forgot about the whole term of ''tulpas'' because of amnesia, straight up had a different alter eat those memories to keep the system functioning [in hindsight, its beneficial to know about, but also not]. I had ENTIRELY forgotten the actual term for "tulpas" [in quotes bc its not the actual Buddhist practice]. I just remembered it as "oh i made this dude, he was a ball of light and then suddenly he was having full conversations and chose his own appearance and personality, and why did he choose to be a dickhead [a joke at him /lh]".

Up until making my blog, I didn't engage in plural communities. Not even the tulpa community when I engaged with the content. I was a traumatized kid terrified of everyone, i simply learned how to 'create' a 'tulpa', did it and it worked better than I thought it would, and then fucked off. It was the most traumatic period of our life [when I made A], all I wanted to do was have someone to be with me so I wasn't alone with it all. He very much took on a protector role from the beginning, fronting once for 3 days in a blackout amnesia episode because another alter felt silly [he was an anger holder and was very angry, to sum it up].

Then I joined Tumblr. Because of joining system spaces, I have since re-found the term Tulpa, and ffs?? The absolute guilt and shame we feel is so immense. Not only because I appropriated a cultural practice I have no fucking right to be in, but also because I'm also someone made a mockery of the very disorder I have. It feels like I don't even deserve to be diagnosed.

That's why I don't fit completely into anti-endo spaces, but I don't fit endo spaces either.

We were posting to a small audience of 0 notes in system spaces, which felt safer for us. So we were going ham on our blog, enjoying our time, but we got our first ask.

"You guys seem so nice,,, why are you anti-endo?"

I'm like??? anti-endo?? wtf is that??? what's an endo?? oh foolish, sweet summer child,,, I had not put it in anywhere that I was anti-endo, which makes it so much worse to me. I guess this was probably someone testing the waters or something. So we go look it up, look up endos and we get reintroduced to the culturally appropriated term. And it's like fuck. It was a moment where I realized I had gone against my own morals in a way I was extremely disgusted with. I ended up dipping for a whole month because of it, which caused a system uproar and a shit ton a bad stuff happening while we were also going through new tons of new trauma at that time [thanks to our ex-bestfriend, a silent fuck you to nem. already so stressed, tell that to her, and then it flies over nirs fucking head so she beats a dead horse but ANYWAYS].

While I'm gone, an alter takes my place. I'll call him P. and P? Well,,,, P takes my spot as host [im now one of 4 cohosts, P is not one of them]. P sees tulpa, P sees other spiritual stuff in the endo spaces, and P goes, well, gee,,,, spirits and talking to them exists [a belief we do hold, but i would have to explain eons of shit to explain why we do], I can almost see how it would work. P responds with 'we're not anti-endo' [my second sin].

And then I'm back. It's been a month, things have carried on without me and we are an 'endo neutral' blog with more than two followers, and posts that hit more than 10 notes [which,,, I hate public attention. The thought of more than a few people engaging with the stuff I post is terrifying to the point I might puke if I think too hard about it /gen. 3-10 notes is the ideal. Maybe like 5 followers? i didn't think about that, dont want to].

I relearn about endos, I go 'fuck no??? are you fucking kidding me???' but then I remember A. That? Well, That ruined EVERYTHING for me. Suddenly I'm having to figure out how to manage having people perceiving me in a scale that terrifies me, but I also have a fucking turkeyball mix of followers. Endos, Anti endos, Endo Neutral, Endo Apathetic. All while truly standing as an anti-endo behind those good ol' closed doors. Then I have to look down the barrel of the gun and accept i did something that goes wildly against my own fucking morals. I didn't remember A, I didn't remember Tulpas, and now I wished I had never joined any system space. I wish I had never tried to find community. I don't even know how to right what has been wrong, I don't have anyone to tell me how to fix this.

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. There is no space for me with anti-endos because of what I have done, and there is no space for me with endos because of my anti-endo beliefs.

When I made my blog I wanted a space to be me, to be us, but now I don't even want to be me. A's presence was needed to keep me alive, I love him, but I can't even be cocon with him or I end up having a breakdown. Whether it be from the guilt of the shitty thing I did that I can't make up for because he's literally forever going to be there, or the fact that because I can't be around him, and considering I'm a host, he's secluded to his own section in the innerworld. Alone. Literally like how we were when we made him. It's wicked fucked up to me, but i guess it probably shouldn't be, considering his 'origins'. What once saved my life has become something I can't even face.

I feel like shit. I feel like this is a lose-lose situation. The one time I tried to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I think will be beneficial for us, it ends up being the worst thing to do. All I wanted was friends like me, only to find out, no... I'm not like them and I probably don't even deserve the diagnosis I have. On top of that, I engaged in harmful behavior, cultural appropriation. Furthermore, the people I could've engaged with would've been people I entirely disagreed with.

I feel like i should self undiagnose, if that makes sense. Like I do not care whatever professionals said I am, I'm just,, IDK a shitty person?? A cultural appropriator?? I've been diagnosed more than once, but I feel like I still shouldn't even claim being a system. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel ashamed. Cultural appropriation has a permanent scratch in my brain, a permanent mark. I feel like this is something I can never fix.

I'm confused on what to do. How do I fix the wrong of being a cultural appropriator in such a vile way? Even if I actually am a system, which I don't even know anymore, what the fuck would I call A? What do I even do about getting over the guilt? My therapist isn't equipped to deal with this, I have no friends, and the only people I talk to are my abusers. I'm to scared to talk to people online, and considering my circumstances, who would I even talk to about any of this? Am I even an anti-endo if I practiced what the endos preach? I'm just,,, ugh, It's been a lot, but thank fuck for the anon ask on a blog amirite?

Sorry to dump all this on you, and feel free to ignore it/not upload. I've just needed to talk about this for a while, and this felt like a safe space for a lil bit.

this is complicated but i'm going to try give the best advice i can here. cultural appropriation is bad yes, but you were a child. you didn't know what else to call A at the time, it seems. you admit you have done wrong and you seem guilty over it and really i think thats all you need to improve. you are a system, you are diagnosed as one, yes you made a mistake but so have many others. ex-pro endos are welcome in this community and always will be. as long as you have learned from your mistake i do not think you are a bad person. as i said, people make mistakes all the time, it doesn't mean they're bad, they just need to learn better, and by the sounds of things you have. i really hope you find your place in this community or even a different community. if you need help leaving pro-endo and pro-tupla communities i would recommend slowly distancing yourself, unfollowing or blocking some accounts that may interact with you and maybe even announcing you're anti endo if you feel safe (this isn't required, but it does help avoiding them). if necessary i would also suggest maybe making a new blog / account if you feel like you can't fix the current one (even a side-blog might work). good luck anon and i while i don't speak for the whole anti endo community i am sure you will at the least be accepted by most of us.

#tw cultural appropriation #tw gun mention #tw abuse mention #anti endo #actually did #did #did system #plural #endos dni #alters #system #did osdd

7 notes · View notes