#i'm not very social; I don't want to be friends with the people in my dorm; I want to be alone and left alone when I'm at home

[matchakuracat]

chronically ill/physically disabled people, how do you deal with doctors appointments? what do you say/do to advocate for yourself? im autistic and not diagnosed with a chronic illness yet and i really struggle to know what to say to get them to listen to me and understand so that i can get the help and care i need. even if i bring someone with me, they also need to know what to say and i don't know anyone who understands well enough to explain to the doctor for me, which means that i have to tell them what to say before going. but that's the problem since i just don't know.

i have chronic joint pain that ive had for years but has only gotten worse over time. i also have hypermobile knees which are the worse they've ever been right now. i'm chronically fatigued and barely have the energy to eat and do basic hygiene. i have a few friends that i talk to fairly regularly and im very thankful for them but i still struggle so much with maintaining a social life when i cant even maintain my own physical wellbeing. i only go outside when i absolutely have to/when my pain is low enough and i have enough energy. on average i probably leave my house about once or twice a week, usually to go to medical appointments, to an internship i have once a week or to go grocery shopping. i usually try to do both at the same time if i can (like going grocery shopping after my internship) but most of the time i have to ask my parents to get me groceries since i dont have enough energy to. all i want is to be able to go outside just to take short walks and enjoy nature and the fresh air but i can't do so without the right treatment/a mobility aid. everything im doing right now is bordering the line of too much. im constantly tired and overwhelmed and everything feels like a struggle, even the smallest tasks most people do everyday without thinking twice about it.

i have almost only had bad experiences with doctors and other medical professionals like physiotherapists, which has given me a lot of extra anxiety on top of my already pretty bad social anxiety. i really struggle to make appointments and even more so to go to them, and when i bring myself to do so i really struggle to express myself and explain how i feel and how i want them to help me. i almost always get shut down and offered no actual help with any of my problems. i just don't know what to do anymore.

if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it. i know that i can't give up because my life right now without accommodations is too miserable, but i also don't know how to move forward.

sorry if this was hard to understand. i really tried my best to explain but im having a bit of a hard time expressing myself right now due to feeling worse than usual.

#chronically ill #chronic illness #autistic #actually autistic #physical disability #physically disabled #mentally and physically tired #chronic illnesses #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #undiagnosed chronic illness #undiagnosed chronic pain #cripplepunk #crip punk #cripple punk #chronic illness rant #disabled #actually disabled #disabled rant #mobility aid #mobility aids #medical gaslighting #doctors appointment

[pixiecaps]

Cellbit: Dude, this is the most difficult thing that- that I’ve had to do up until now. Solving the enigmas, dude, didn’t even come close to this. I have to lie to everyone I like. I have to see everyone who trusted me slowly becoming disappointed. I have to take that all quietly and continue saying the biggest atrocities that I disagree with just to get some information. Something!

-

Cellbit: It’s like if you looked someone in the face and said the worst things you can think of knowing that you’re doing it to protect them, you know? Ultimately, you're doing it for their own good, but you're hurting them now for- for a greater good. It really sucks, dude. It really sucks. Like the things I had to say to Forever, the things I had to say to- to Badboy. The things I have to say to everyone, dude. Like everyone using my own arguments against me. (Laughs) And I being forced to try to refute my own head.

-

Cellbit: And I'm trying to make things very obvious. I'm trying sometimes, like, I'm trying my best to leave books accessible in obvious places- in obvious chests. And say things that I would NEVER say to them. They know, at least deep down, they have a little suspicion that it doesn't make sense. And maybe they can read- Because Cucurucho, he has one problem. He doesn't have the social tact that humans do. He doesn’t- He doesn’t function like a human being. He has letters saying that he doesn't understand how pronouns work and doesn't know what feelings and wants are. He knows what feelings are, but he doesn't know what it's like to have feelings according to what he said. He doesn’t know what are- He has a letter where he says, “I don’t know what is want.”

Cellbit: Thinking about that, the only way I can get around it is by leaving purposeful nuances that I'm saying absurd things so that if you see me from a distance and you don't know me it looks like I'm- that I'm an asshole and I'm really fighting with them but the people who know me, who’ve been with me over these last- All this time on the island and still love me and know I’d never say those things, “No, dude, it doesn't make sense that he's saying these things. It must have some purpose. That logic doesn’t make sense.” It has to make A BIT of sense for Cucurucho to believe it but it can’t make so much sense that my friends don’t doubt at least a little bit. Those who know me know. I'm relying on that.

#cellbit #old clips #regret arc #qsmp

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

#nd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #disability #disabled #autism #adhd #neurodivergencies #long post

[our-aplatonic-experience]

i got so happy when i found out i'm aplatonic, genuinely. i think the main reason was because i have ocd, and one of my obsessions has always been this horrible fear of being an abusive toxic piece of shit being without realizing.

in turn that made me compulsively look up articles on How To Be A Healthy Person 101, and *so many of them* would go on and on about how you should have plenty of friends and broaden your social circle because by being friends/romantically involved with just a few people or even only *one* person you aren't going to "grow as a person" and "humans are social creatures" and "you shouldn't push all of your needs" onto one person, and for a long time that made me feel really fucked up

i would join discord servers, i would give out my handles to anyone who would breathe near me, i would try so hard that it was only after i realized i'm apl and started looking back that i noticed how bad all of that was being for me. i'd get so exhausted and uncomfortable, and it certainly didn't help that in today's internet culture people overshare *so much,* to the point where i felt like if i didn't share everything about myself i wouldn't be able to bond properly with others and feel that "spark" of friendship. none of my friendships ever lasted obviously, they died off very quickly.

upon learning about aplatonicism, it was such a.. relief? "oh! so it's fine. and i don't have to try anymore, because you can be happy just being by yourself with no friends." and consequentially i learned about so many more things, like how i enjoy being *around* people and even *with* them to a certain degree [depending on how i'm feeling], but not thoroughly involved, like in a class or a club, or people watching in an online game, that's how i get most of my Social Interaction Points. it all made me realize that i can reject concepts that don't work for me regardless of what society tells me, and that i should prioritize my well being and my happiness which had always been something i struggled with throughout my entire life.

most importantly, it made me more confident in how i navigate my relationships nowdays, and it made me better at establishing boundaries and pursuing the things i want. i have so much time and so many things i wanna do when i'm pretty much by myself almost all the time, it's very fun! feels so nice when i can stop for a second and appreciate that i'm by myself.

to all apls out there, you guys are very cool and i hope you have a good day today. :] thumbs up emoji

:D

#aplatonic #aspec #aplspec #apl

[emmabirb8]

I've been an Invader Zim fan since 2011.

I was 15-16 at that time, and though I did thoroughly enjoy the show, I was not mature enough to really get it. Sure, it was funny, but I didn't pick up on the subtleties and style of humor beyond the surface level. I liked the wackiness and the characters, but I SURELY wasn't at a point of being able to deconstruct themes or analyze character motivations and narratives (like I very much enjoy doing now). I remember discovering an artist on DeviantArt who drew cute ZaGr stuff, so that was the pairing I liked too. I didn't think too deeply about much, and honestly, I don't think the majority of fans (if they were my age or younger, that is) did either. Everything was taken as dumb and silly for the most part, and that IS truthfully a major component of the show itself.

Getting back into Invader Zim within this past year though, I'm looking at it through a WILDLY different lens. I like Invader Zim for what it is and how it's intended to be perceived. I like that the show is meant to be dark, satirical, and tragic at the same time that it's silly, chaotic, and nonsensical. Almost everything that happens onscreen is written in to be funny above all else. (I've mentioned before that I've been watching Jhonen's Twitch streams for a while now, and I have a MUCH better understanding of his sense of humor bc of that. IZ makes way more sense if you can sorta see things from JV's perspective, lol.)

But at the same time, I also like Invader Zim for what it offers in terms of interpretation and what it can imply (intentionally or not). There is genuinely SO MUCH DEPTH to this dorky lil cartoon that a casual viewer wouldn't immediately pick up on. And a lot of that depth, I think, was not woven in purposely. The show itself was never meant to be taken so seriously. Nevertheless, I'm constantly fascinated by what IZ implies about good and evil, the nature of general society, and especially how it goes about demonstrating the devastating effects of social isolation and bullying. Meta for this series is always pretty damn *chef's kiss.* And what's even more interesting is how viewers manipulate canon to expand upon this world and these characters.

Given that I've come to understand Invader Zim better, I've also grown very fond of ZaDr. Now, while I wouldn't want to see this pairing happen in canon material, I love the potential it possesses in transformative contexts.

In reality, I get that these characters were intended to have a deep hatred for one another and a never-ending rivalry for the sake of comedy and not much else. It's an extraterrestrial perpetually throwing hands with a 12 year old because he's incompetent and his plans often fail. And that's funny. That's the point. But beyond that, canonically, these are two characters who are mirrors of each other; they're both treated like garbage by their respective peers, and they both crave acknowledgment, validation, and a sense of purpose. Throughout their story, they find they're only able to obtain these things from each other, so as a consequence of their similar personalities, they become utterly, unhingedly obsessed with each other (to a sometimes unhealthy degree). They are undeniably forever intertwined by design of how the show is set up.

And because of that, shipping of these characters was, frankly, inevitable in fandom spaces. I myself fell victim to their appeal too. (Sorry, Jhonen. 😅)

I'm not gonna go into any discourse surrounding this pairing because there's already PLENTY of that to go around online. Everyone has their own opinion on the subject, and that's fine. I respect that. Point is, even though I understand and appreciate what Zim and Dib are supposed to be in the context of the show, I also enjoy the idea of them as friends and romantic partners outside of and beyond the confines of canon.

And that's something that I think many fans who are biased toward ZaDr would also agree with! Actually, I'd say the majority of people who ship characters in ANY media would concur. We like the idea of seeing how specific relationships could develop over time and/or within different settings and circumstances. It's NOT always about wanting to see a relationship unfold on screen or in fan works strictly adhering to canon. It's about stretching canon, or in some cases, scratching canon entirely however you see fit! Who cares! It's fiction!

For me personally, I enjoy ZaDr because its attributes fall into so many trope categories that I've come to adore over the years (ones that I either wasn't aware of when I was younger, or that I didn't enjoy in the same intensity as I do now). Zim and Dib are, or could be, depending on context:

Codependent toxic soulmates

Human/non-human

Shared history

Classic enemies to lovers (or, as I often prefer it, enemies to friends to lovers)

Bicker couple

Battle couple, when put in the right setting for it

Violence as a love language

Smol and tol

The wild card paired with the rational one, the best part about this being that sometimes the more rational one is Dib, and sometimes it's Zim bc they're both a special flavor of insane

Make each other worse/stupider when together, tho oddly, they also kinda bring out the best in each other too

And, my personal favorites, the potential for hurt/comfort and angst with a happy ending, with the comfort and happiness aspects ultimately coming from each other

I like what these characters could be, to and for each other, apart from their roles in the show.

I would never want to explore a dynamic between Zim and Dib that goes beyond "frenemies" territory in canon (because that doesn't fit what the show is, and I do appreciate the integrity of Jhonen's vision). The subtle foundation for them is there, it's just that it can't really work unless a few key details are changed or manipulated, and, well...

I sure as hell like exploring every bit of that expanded potential in fan works because it's fun to imagine the various directions things could go if they were different!

This isn't me, like... trying to defend my (or anyone else's) enjoyment of this particular ship or trying to convince people to like it. Or the show for that matter! To each their own, truly. And I'm obv aware of the controversy ZaDr often incites and why. Everyone has valid reasons for liking OR not liking it, and I accept differing viewpoints on it. It's a touchy, nuanced subject to be sure. But this isn't about that.

I don't really know what this is, actually, aside from a very long very weird essay, lol. I just wanted to process why and how all of this works for me with my changed perspective from when I was first introduced to Invader Zim in my teens up until now.

It's strange, looking back. I didn't get ZaDr years ago. But I do now, and so much of it, at least from my perspective, has to do with taking the crumbs present in canon (that are undeniably there, whether you choose to acknowledge them or not, and whether they're intentional or not) and absolutely running with them to the ends of your own wild imagination.

#invader zim #invader zim meta #zadr #iz zadr #zim #dib membrane #my posts #this is... A LOT but i just needed to work thru it for my own sanity lol #said it before and i'll say it again: pls utilize the tag blocking function however you need to bc i KNOW this can be very Yikes for some #but at the same time this is my blog and i'm gonna do what i want :P

[mattspolitank]

REUNION IN

PROGRESS

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆╰┈➤Pairings:Matt Sturniolo and Anna Johnson

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆╰┈➤:Warnings: fluff,

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧╰┈➤SUMMARY:

ANNA JOHNSON visits her best friend Madi where she reunites with her childhood bestfriends. The catch is she hasn't talked to MATT STURNIOLO since junior year. Will that change?

CHAPTER 005

Real life,Social Media,Messages

It's been a little while since the party started and I see Madi and Nick coming out with a big cake with fireworks on top.

Everyone started singing Happy birthday to me and I blew out the candles as everyone started clapping.

My heart was full.I was celebrating my birthday with the people that I loved the most and i was happy for the very first time in so long.

A little after Matt finally came up to me.

"Happy birthday Whisper" I slightly smiled at the nickname .

"Thank you Moon"He also slightly smiled at the nickname

!Flashback!

"I have this for you Anna" Matt says as he lets his bracelet onto her palm.

"Thank you moon"Anna says while Matt looks at her

"Where did moon come from?"

"You're like the moon.You're someone who seems kinda dark or mysterious from the outside but has this really bright and positive vibe on the inside. Like, you've been through some tough stuff times but still manage to be a light for others."

"I love it so much thank you Whisper"He giggled while saying it since whisper is a interesting nickname to give

"Where did that one come from now"I said while laughing

"It conveys both your outgoing and cute demeanor, like a soft whisper of charm, while also hinting at your inner personality, which is quieter and more reserved, like a whisper in a crowded room."He replied

"I love it so much Matt oh my god you really thought about that one"

"Oh my god I haven't heard those Nicknames in forever"I tell him

"We should bring them back" he slightly turns his body facing me

"I'd actually love that"I smiled

andysamberglover111:

@pepsilover111 @madi.flipabitch

@abeisbabe

@pepsilover111 @abeisbabe @mattsspam

@madi.flipabitch

@mattsspam

Liked by madi.flipabitch, mattsspam and 2083 others...

andysamberglover111:Best birthday with the people I love.

Comments

user7864570943 ANNA AND MATT IN THE LAST ONE HELLO???!!!

↳user76839164906 They're definitelydating

madi.flipabitch I love you so much

↳ andysamberglover111 Love you moree

abeisbabe kid was trying to grab chriss phone in the 4th slide

↳pepsilover111 and she failed miserably

↳andysamberglover111 the internet DID NOT have to know that

annaupdates AHH I HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST TIME

↳andysamberglover111 thank you lovee ❤️

user7838625789 Matt strengthen your rizz my guy LOCK INNN

↳ abeisbabe BEEN SAYIN

↳ mattsspam NICK DUDE

mattsspam made your photo dump better💪

↳andysamberglover111 whatever makes u sleep at night

↳madi.flipabitch L RIZZ BRO

The party had ended a few hours ago but I just couldn't sleep,and apparently so couldn't Matt since he sent me a message.

Matt 🌝

Hey whisper are you awake??

Yeah I am

Can you come to my room rq?

Yeah I'm omw rn

I went into his room ,sat down on his bed and waited for him to start telling me what he had to say.

"whisper I just want to tell you this so that it's off my chest.I like you,alot and I don't want that to break out friendship once again.Its okay if you don't feel the same "

I didn't expect that.I was shocked.Matthew Sturniolo,the man that I've 'hated' for 3 years likes me,and I like him back.This must be a fever dream.

I didn't think much of what to say except that I really wanted to kiss the guy.I leaned in and smashed our lips together and he returned the kiss.

My hands cupped his face while his his hand went on my neck and his left hand made its way onto my waist.

I felt an adrenaline rush through my body.I had waited for this moment for the longest time ever.

When we both pulled away we kept our hands in the original places,except for both of Matts hands were on my waist.

I had the biggest smile on my face.

"Holy shit,that just happened"he said

"don't make it weird dude"he giggled after I said that and signaled we should go and lay on his bed.

"Let's watch Brooklyn nine nine"I tell him while he opens. Netflix on his laptop

We watched the show until we both fell asleep.We didn't realize when we did but we did fall asleep.

••••••••••••••••••••

a/n:the fact that she locked in.so so sorry that I haven't posted in so long,I fkn hate school.

Tags: @mattsbella @junnniiieee07

#christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #chris x reader #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fluff #sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt stuniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #fanfic #reunion #work in progress

[ititledit]

Terrible headline choice, but overall I'm glad child free women are getting some mainstream coverage

________________

The number of women choosing not to have children is growing and the global birth rate is plunging.

While their reasons vary from climate worries to financial concerns and health complications, those making the decision to be "child-free by choice" say societal acceptance is yet to come, often leaving them feeling ostracised.

The BBC spoke to members of Bristol Childfree Women, a social group with more than 500 members, set up by women and for women who have decided not to have children.

While Caroline Mitchell always knew she never wanted children, she wasn't prepared for how hard reaching "child-bearing age" would be.

The 46-year-old, who lives with her husband in Brislington, Bristol, said while it never bothered her when she was younger, she had not anticipated the barrage of personal questions she would face as friends and acquaintances started to have children.

"I have felt like a freak because of it," she said.

"I feel like my perspective and my experience is just not acceptable."

In Caroline's eyes, society is set up for motherhood.

"You realise how you're quite excluded from a lot of life," she said.

"It's really hard for me to meet people, because it's all about the women you meet at the school gates or the writing clubs for mums."

Caroline said she thinks that sometimes women with children believe the "whole world" is set up for child-free women.

"Actually, it's really exclusionary," she said.

Many in her circle of friends have children and while they have never knowingly done anything to make her feel different, she says, the fact they are "all doing one thing" and she is doing another has been "quite hard".

While Caroline is "100% certain" and "very comfortable" in her identity, she admits she has, on occasion, “agonised" about her decision.

She said that was down to the "cultural expectation" of what was normal and the concept that if you were a woman, having a child was "the natural thing to do".

Official figures released in 2022, external show record numbers of women are reaching the age of 30 child-free.

More than half (50.1%) of women in England and Wales born in 1990 were without a child when they turned 30 in 2020, the first generation to do so, according to the Office for National Statistics.

Megan Stanley, who is originally from Oxfordshire and lives in Bristol, was so certain about her decision to not have children, she has been trying to get sterilised since the age of 19.

When it comes to her painful periods, Megan said it feels "cruel" to go through the "suffering every single month for a body function" she feels she does not need.

"I know that sterilisation doesn't solve periods but it does alleviate a lot of those major symptoms," she said.

But the 31-year-old said she has come up against hurdle after hurdle.

“The doctors would say ‘you're still a bit young’ or ‘you might change your mind’,” she said.

The furthest Megan got was when she was 29 and had an appointment with a surgeon.

"I'd prepared everything - my medical history, prepared all my line of reasoning. I'd even gone as far as to get a testimony from the therapist I was seeing. I'd gone the full mile," she said.

However, permission was not granted once the gynaecologist asked about her relationship status.

"At the time I'd been dating my now long-term partner for maybe three months," Megan said.

She told the doctor that her partner also definitely did not want children and he had already had a vasectomy.

Megan said the doctor then told her that if her partner had a vasectomy, “then you don't need to have this done, do you?"

It was then that Megan said she realised it was "inescapable" and they were "just not going to do it".

"Why should what happens to my body be beholden to what he's done to his?" she said.

"It's got to the point now where I long for the menopause. That's what I'm looking forward to."

Caroline believes women without children may be “complicit” in keeping cultural expectations as they are.

"We don't talk about it - so there's still this thought that it's what everyone does," she said.

"Motherhood is just everywhere all the time, in your face."

She said it was hard not fitting in with the "norm of society" and at times, she had wished she was "different".

"My life would have been easier in some ways," she said.

Yet for many women, whatever choices they make, they seem to beat themselves up about it and "seem to be not very accepting of everyone's choice", Caroline added.

Fiona Powley said she knew she did not want to be a mother from the age of 12 after seeing her own mum struggle with motherhood.

“I just thought motherhood didn't look like lot of fun," she said.

Now 49, Fiona runs the Bristol Childfree Women group, external and while she is currently experiencing menopausal symptoms, she has "no panicking feeling" that she did not use her ability to reproduce.

"It feels very comfortable," she said.

Ironically Fiona now looks at herself and thinks she could have actually done “quite a good job of parenting" but she "never really wanted it enough".

However, like Caroline and Megan she said new people she meets can react negatively when she tells them she chose not to have children.

“There's being told you'll regret it. What's your point of existing? If you don't have children you're not valid as a woman," Fiona said.

Fiona has even been called "selfish" and some have questioned who will look after her when she is old.

“It's almost like people feel uncomfortable," she said.

“It's probably because it never occurred to them that they also had a choice.”

Megan can sympathise.

In the past, the reaction to her not wanting children has been quite "visceral", she said.

She claims some people have painted her as "a child-hater, or a mean person” because of it.

"I think my not wanting kids is just an innate thing to who I am," she said.

Fiona said there were so many reasons why people decide not to have children.

Looking back, she thinks her own reasons were "probably quite unhealthy", but she knows that she is not going to "suddenly wake up as an old lady and feel bitter and regret".

Caroline said she would be a "resentful mother", adding there were a "huge amount of upsides" to not having children, like focusing her time on her relationship with her husband and her hobbies.

Megan agrees.

“There’s a lot of joy to be had in not having kids," she said.

“It isn't all about freedom and money. It's about choice."

#feminism #radical feminism #child free #bbc news

[anincompletelist]

twenty questions for fic writers

thanks to @cricketnationrise @happiness-of-the-pursuit @kiwiana-writes

@ninzied @captainjunglegym for the tags friends! it's been a while since I've last done one of these so I figured I would participate again! xx

+

how many works do you have on ao3?

56! (technically 60 though… 😏🤫)

what's your total ao3 word count?

1,248,687

what fandoms do you write for?

RWRB (currently) [ 1D and teen wolf (past) ]

top five fics by kudos:

but if you could see us from a distance you'd know I've always been so close to you - the og sex curse one shot

Something Borrowed, Something Blue - enemies to lovers at june's wedding

I'll bet it all on me and you, I'll bet it all you're bulletproof - coworkers trivia fluff

praying our bridges don't make waves - soulmates with a twist

kiss me like you've got nowhere to be - roommates to lovers fluff

do you respond to comments?

nowhere near as much as I'd like to! my capacity for social interaction lately has been... lacking, to the say the least ksjhdkshd BUT I SEE AND READ THEM ALL AND I HOLD THEM SO CLOSE <3333

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooh I can't usually do angsty endings so I'm carving my own loophole here -- the first two fics in the sex curse series are definitely my most angsty endings before they work their shit out in the third skjdhsjkhd

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of mine do, but I'd say that overall the most fluffy ones are in the firstprince first kisses series!

do you get hate on fics?

I most definitely did in my old fandom but people have been generally very kind and supportive to me here so far! :')

do you write smut?

yes!

craziest crossover:

my george x firstprince hurt/comfort is very special to me <3

(but I also have a Jeff from bottoms x Shane from minx au in the docs so ksjhdhfjh that too)

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

have you ever had a fic translated?

not in this fandom! but I have had some lovely folks record some podfics of my works! (here and here!)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

not for rwrb! (yet???? ksjhdkjhfkjh)

all time favorite ship?

I gotta go with fp! they got me like that niall horan ear crawling gif fr I'll never be the same

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh gosh I'm not sure. I HOPE I finish them all but I also have an obscene amount so ksjhdksjdhf not crossing anything off yet!

what are your writing strengths?

I think dialogue? it's always the part of my fics that I write first, and then I build the rest of the story around it. I hope it's a solid foundation!

what are your writing weaknesses?

there's a fine line between explaining and over-explaining and I think sometimes I fall into the second category skjdhkjhf. I love some introspection as much as the next guy but I'm working on only including details that feel most pertinent to the story.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I love it! I think it can be so special and can be another way to connect readers with the characters and the story. I took Spanish all four years of high school so I'm a little rusty now, and studied French for a while a few years ago and just picked it back up recently! my translations aren't always perfect but luckily I've had some very kind people to check or point these things out for me :)

first fandom you wrote in?

..... hollywood heights sjkhdjkhgdfh

favorite fic you've written?

oh no. I am so bad at perceiving myself ksjhdjkdjfhg. I think each of my fics definitely served a purpose for me while writing them, but lately I've found myself returning to these three (I'm breaking the rules yes sorry):

Something Borrowed, Something Blue

there were pages turned with the bridges burned (everything you lose is a step you take) - diabetic!Alex

treading water in the deep, just waiting for the tides to meet -(soulmates)

but also there's a wip I'm working now which..... might take first place when I post skjdhkjsdh WE'LL SEE!

+

PLEASE PLEASE CONSIDER THIS OPEN TAG IF YOU'D LIKE TO DO IT! with all of the tumblr nonsense and how behind I've been on here lately I'm all over the place with tags at the moment.

other tags (no pressure!): @firenati0n @nocoastposts @wordsofhoneydew @thedramasummer

@heysweetheart-writes @stellarm @suseagull04 @bigassbowlingballhead

@eusuntgratie @magicandarchery @read-and-write- @iboatedhere

@anchoredarchangel @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @alasse9 @itsmaybitheway

@getmehighonmagic @rmd-writes @sparklepocalypse

xx

#tag games #about me

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Wardrobe Woes

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Yes: there are people who read these comics who don't know much about mdzs. Several are my beloved and supportive friends B'*) #This comic in particular is one that I've been thinking about for a very long time and I'm so happy to finally be here! #I was trying to think about how to explain the social rules of the forehead ribbon and the reason lwj was so upset #and the metaphor of 'it's kind of like wwx accidently undoing lwj's bikini in front of a crowd.' came to mind. #of course there's a bit more to it than that but the point here is that - accident or not - it still embarrasses lwj #wwx doesn't get the entire context behind it (at the time. Now he *does* and it all makes a bit more sense) #But he knows he made lwj upset. He knows he doesn't want to put lwj in another embarrassing situation. #Not after all this. Not after everything. Not after realizing that his desire for friendship might be the kind of desire that ruins lan zha #Love the symbolism of the archery outfits being red during this moment of 'whoops only married couples can do that' moment. #What if we accidental proposed............accidental marriage....accidental kiss the bridegroom....accidental fall in love. #Guess we did inadvertently get the puffy sleeves and bikini outfits in the end. #wwx in an old timey bathing suit is so important to me. I'll die on this hill. #lwj's cute little box is inspired by @lazycranberrydoodles's cute fan art <3 I love it a lot

[thepoisonroom]

that post that's like "learning social skills helps with social anxiety" applies to dating also btw

#i guess they have a circular relationship because also going on lots of first dates was really trial by fire for me in learning lots lf #new social skills #meeting new people was never my strong suit and i was very afraid of it and would avoid it but like! #when i first tried going on first dates i learned a lot about how to meet people and met types of queer people i'd never met before #and actually it was good for me even though it was often weird and stressful #and it was a lower-stakes way to practice social skills that i otherwise would've just avoided using until they atrophied #anyway whenever i see a dating profile that's like 'i'm afraid of talking to women lol' i'm like ok relatable but what's your plan to learn #i think also just like it doesn't have to be through dating but it is good for you to meet other gay and trans people offline if possible #when i moved to wisconsin i only knew my coworkers who were mostly also twentysomethings who'd been hired straight from college #and it was good for me to meet and make friends with other local gay and trans people who were involved in different stuff #idk i just don't know how many more 'i'm obsessed with romance but scoff at the idea that i should do anything about that' posts i can read #like if i said i wanted to run a marathon but i never practiced running people would fairly be like okay that's prob not gonna happen #idk i know it's no skin off my nose i'm just like. if you never take any steps towards expressing your desires #how do you think they're going to just happen to you #personal nonsense

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

#life update nobody asked for lol #I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies #I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow #still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow) #is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr #I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa #downgrading to a flip phone actually #I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER) #I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most #delulu is infact not the solulu #daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey #it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me #if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe 😭 don't let anybody give you shit #Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand #As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you #The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends #Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that #Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again #But I just wanted to share what's been going on #And I miss you guys a lot #I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart #I miss the good old days 😭 when discord let's me back in I might visit wme #Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person #But I hope you all are doing GREAT #Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy #You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything #xoxo savie 😝🤟🤟🔥🔥🔥

[elliesbelle]

lol

#i'm literally like. #sooooo done with life #i've been on the verge of tears on and off today fr #work itself has been ugh #my kids are being so crazy and i love them but very draining #and my work friends are basically pulling away from me and it makes me wanna die #they essentially replaced me with someone else and i'm literally sitting here like oh ok lol #and my ex and i are in this weird fucking space and i can't fucking deal with it #siri play 'boyfriend' by ariana grande and social house #like... she's not mine and like... technically she can date other people lol #but lol you're really taking her out on a date that would be perfect for ME????? #you know what ur doing lol #but i mean ig #'you ain't my boyfriend!!!! and i ain't ur girlfriend!!!!!' #screaming and crying and throwing up #i hate my life y'all #i'm legit at my limit #i don't want to make my every-three-years trip to the ICU and psych ward but!!!!!! #sorry y'all i needed to put this somewhere lol #i'll prob delete later #belle speaks #v

[suddencolds]

~

#not snz #more musings 📝 / mini vent: #not sure why my social battery is so limited 😭 and also so inconsistent #i feel like i can't sustain the amount of... like continued/consistent enthusiasm i see others giving esp in group settings #i just don't know how to engage in that way without burning out #over the past few weeks i've been stuck in like #a strange state where i can't muster the energy to properly respond to even the people i'm most excited to reply to #which is strange?? #(and if that is you i am sorry 😭 i love you and i will get back to you) #i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend) #i think a part of it is the stress from work leeching into my personal life #i feel like i've been working so hard and for such long hours but its the kind of work where the progress i've made is very hard to track?? #:( i just want to be off of ******* work so i can work on ******* work again #i also want to get ahead enough on everything in my life so that i write y+v D: #i feel like i haven't had a properly restful day in weeks... even over the weekend i was busy attending to others' needs #i just want a break from it all... but i dont have enough time to take off... but i dont know how much more of this i can take #i remember also feeling during uni like i was drowning #like there were simply not enough hours in a day to deliver everything i promised. it's such an awful feeling #i just feel defeated. like i've felt exhausted for weeks and weeks on end and like i spend every waking hour working on something or other #but ofc there is nothing to do but to keep at it 😭 other people can handle all of this and more #there are so many people i refuse to let down

[arsonist-chicken]

I got to look at the room in the dormitory and now I'm torn between taking it and running, or maybe taking a bit more time to find something... less really cramped and where the washing machine doesn't smell sour, somehow

#and i have to decide today help #like yeah my flatmates are awful and I hate them and am in a bad mood whenever they're home #but they're usually gone on the weekends so at least I'm alone then #there's Something weird about the dormitory I looked at but I can't put my finger on it. apart from the awful smell in the laundry room #but I mean I could take my laundry to a laundromat if I really didn't want to use that washing machine I guess #there's shared kitchens there too but oh well i've done that before #but by god am I looking forward to living alone after university #all I want is a flat with enough space for a large bed or a pull-out couch for when friends visit #and ideally a balcony and cats allowed #mine #jess' flatmate rants #am I being too picky? all student rooms are very small and shared kitchens and bathrooms are normal #what really threw me off was the washing machine ngl #aaah maybe that's another thing: my old dorm was bigger so more anonymous #this one has a kitchen for 8-10 people #i'm not very social; I don't want to be friends with the people in my dorm; I want to be alone and left alone when I'm at home #anyway. guess I have that to consider for the next hour or so #aah Vse Kar Vem came up and I'm crying again; wonderful #also you know those days when anyone talking in the same room as you makes you want to murder them? i'm on like week two or three of that #with no stop and idk why and what's wrong; send help #ngl maybe my problem is less with the dorm itself and more that I literally can't imagine a good future for myself right now #where I get to not live either in my childhood bedroom forever or only ever with flatmates which. I'm never moving in with strangers again #and I have no friends I could move in with who would want that or don't already live with their boyfriends

[magentagalaxies]

so my friend and i are currently chatting about how i just discovered me referring to weed as "pot" makes me sound like a suburban mom even tho i didn't realize it was an "old-timey" term (??? it sounds just as normal as "weed" to me???)

and i just realized the reason i say pot is specifically because 1. watching kids in the hall (and other things from that era) and 2. talking about pot with the kids in the hall (the ones i know irl still use that word)

so for everyone's information i do NOT sound like a suburban mom for saying "pot" i sound like an old canadian gay man!!!!

but anyway that conversation moved on to talking about weed and the kids in the hall and now i must bring a poll to tumblr

(even if you have smoked before this is about placing yourself in the hypothetical situation i'd be in bc i've never been stoned before and my friend and i were joking about how my first time getting high would be with one of the kids in the hall lmao)

also in your opinion is saying "pot" weird???? literally so confusing to me like damn i guess all my interactions with weed are through the lens of 1. media from the 90s or 2. people who were young adults in the 90s

#as someone who honestly could have my first time smoking weed be with one of these poll options here's my personal take #just on the 3 i know irl bc i have no idea how the others would be #i think scott could be fun if i had a good reaction. but bc there's a chance i wouldn't #my take is that scott would be a person i'd smoke with after i'd done it a few times. bc otherwise he might stress me out #(or i'd stress myself out bc holy shit it's scott thompson) #bruce could be fun but i feel like he'd get very dad energy about it. which like maybe that's the vibe you want #but personally i think bruce would be so supportive it would circle back around to stressing me out somehow lmao #paul bellini tho? he has the ultimate chill stoner uncle vibes. he would be very fun to get high with but also if i had a bad reaction #i know he'd understand and like be able to deal with that without making it into a whole thing. like he's just the genuinely cool uncle #deadass i don't have much of an interest in weed but like thinking about my social circle it would almost definitely be paul #even realistically taking into account my non-kith friends and people my own age i'm like no it had to be bellini lmao #i should let paul know i've cast him in this role #anyway let me know your thoughts especially if you'd choose one of the other three #and let me know if i sound like a suburban mom or an old fag (affectionate)

[shitty-check-please-aus]

nothing kills a group chat in quite the same way as multiple people getting partners

#I don't want to be a bitch and like I am happy for people #but I can complain a little bit on the internet where nobody can see me #people with partners just get very focused on that person #and then the group chat is just me & the other single person #AND the newest person to get a bf is one of my only local friends #so it's just like. ok you've spent 6 days with your new bf. I will not bug you and ask if you want to go anywhere or do anything. #it's just. UGH I'm trying so fucking hard to get a social life going #and it feels like I missed some mystery window to like apply to have a social life #I didn't know there were auditions and callbacks are already done #some of this is probably the winter depression hitting #just. UGH. fuck. #I really am happy for my friends when they get partners and I'd never say any of this to them #I just needed to complain a little