#i'm literally shaking i'm so flustered about posting this fic

[maedae-maedae]

Can't Help It - Library Date

☆ Okkotsu Yuuta x F!Reader

☆ Genre: Smut

☆ Warnings: NSFW 18+

☆ Contents: Aged-Up Characters, Established Relationship, Semi-Public/Public Sex, Needy!Yuuta, Sub?Yuuta, AU - University Students, Clothed Sex, Oral Sex, Breeding Kink?

☆ Word Count: 3.6k

☆ Summary: You meet up with your boyfriend, ready to have a study date at your university's library and really get down to business. The two of you need to go to the library to actually study, and you both know well enough to take it seriously. Today you come wearing a new outfit... and suddenly your boyfriend has other plans for the two of you.

☆ A/N: Randomly awakening from my disappearance to post this smut which- I am just now realizing is my first real full-out smut! That I'm posting, that is.

This idea came to me as I was writing actually another fic for Yuuta so expect that real soon, much more stretched out than this lil one shot. Anyways, enjoy!

It’s late morning by the time you meet your boyfriend Yuta Okkatsu at your university’s library. The place is huge, and would literally be impossible to find books from if you didn’t have the power of technology. You’re searching the section with the books required by the class you share with Yuta. You guys decided on not giving into the scam of buying textbooks, opting to use the library’s plentiful supply of books that no one uses these days anyways. You’re reaching up to grab another suggested reading as Yuta stands behind you, holding the big one you’d handed to him when you first got here.

He’s a little embarrassed right now, hot and beginning to sweat. And he’s surprised you haven’t noticed yet. Ever since he met you in front of the library earlier, he’s been sporting a full boner. All thanks to the new outfit you had on. It’s adorable, and your boyfriend absolutely loves the way it hugs your body. Maybe a little too much, unable to pry his eyes away from the curve of your ass as the skirt lifts up with your reach. He glances around to make sure no one else is around to see this view and then continues to stare.

You were so excited to show him this outfit today too, and he couldn’t even properly compliment you with how flustered it was making him. Plus, you probably wouldn’t want him to be immediately sexualizing you in it either, so what is he thinking? Still, he can’t help it. How badly he wants to have his hands all over you right now.

“Okay! Got it!” You say happily as you pull the book off its shelf. “That’s it, I think. There’s not anything else you wanna grab, is there? I mean honestly, three is already enough I don’t know if I can handle more than this.”

You look up at Yuta and he shakes his head to answer you. But somethings off about him.

“Is something wrong?” You ask and he’s honestly relieved you finally notice. He takes a step toward you, then another until he’s right in front of you. His eyes avoid yours out of embarrassment for a moment, but then he looks at you straight on.

“Let’s go home.” He says, taking your hand in his own as he does.

“Huh? But we said we would study together today.” You reply, confused on why he suddenly wants to change plans.

“Let’s just study at your place” He suggests, pouting. You raise an eyebrow at him and give him a knowing look.

“Yu.. you know if we go to ‘study’ at my place, there wont be any studying happening.” You tell him and playfully poke his stomach. He was hoping you’d just understand without him having to explain himself, but looks like he’ll have to show you instead.

“Cmon, let’s go find a-“ You begin as you turn, but stop mid sentence when you feel your boyfriends embrace from behind. He wraps his arms around your middle, book still in one of his hands. He nuzzles into your neck.

“Hey.. what’s up with you tod-“ You don’t need to ask any further when he finally presses his full body to you, and you feel it. His hard cock rests against your ass, straining through his pants. A hot flash hits you, suddenly feeling his neediness like it’s contagious.

“Ah.. I get it now.” You say calmly, placing a hand on his at your stomach and using the other to stroke his hair a couple times. “Needy boy~” You coo at him. He twitches against you, to your amusement.

“You look so good today.. I can’t help it.” He whines into your ear, just barely audible. He’s so sweet, what are you gonna do with this boy?

“Hmm.. I guess we can’t really study until you’re good, huh?” You say, mostly to yourself, as you quickly think of somewhere nearby that would be most likely to not get you caught.

“Cmere.” You tell him, taking his hand and leading him along with you.

You walk with him until you reach a little nook of the library, empty and seemingly not visited very much. Your friend actually told you about this part of the library, after having a hook-up here. She always has crazy stories of where shes done stuff, and you’re pretty sure at this point it’s definitely a kink for her. You always thought it was crazy, and you never thought you’d find yourself following in her footsteps. You’ll have to thank her later you guess. And pray she wasn’t lying.

“H-here?” Your boyfriend whispers as you glance around cautiously. You look at him curiously.

“You don’t want to? We can always wait till later if you-“ before you can even finish your suggestion, he’s shaking his head to answer.

“That bad, hm?” You say and lean your back against the shelf behind you, signaling him with your hand to come to you. He does and you caress his chest, down to his stomach and pelvis, massaging little circles there as you continue to look around a bit more. You love the way he reacts to your touch, fidgety and sensitive. His forehead rests against yours as you with his hands resting comfortably on your hips.

“We should be safe here, no one ever comes to this section and none of the cctv cameras can see.” You reassure him and you look back at him again.

“How do you know that-“ He goes to ask but knows the answer as soon as you give him a look. He knows about that friend of yours, from your stories. “Oh. Nevermind.”

Your hands finally move to start caressing the bulge in his pants, and he takes a startled inhale, immediately pushing his face into your neck again. He likes to do that a lot when you two get intimate, it made him feel like he’s closer. And he loves being able to smell you. God forbid he ever smelled your perfume while he’s out on his own, he’d be turned on immediately.

“You really worked yourself up, huh? You’re extra sensitive today.” You whisper to him as you listen to the little noises he’s been making as you continue to massage him through his pants.

“It’s the skirt you bought..” he pushes out to explain himself.

“…Too short?” You ask, a self conscious thought you had before buying it popping up in your mind and then leaving your mouth without needing too. Plus, boyfriends don’t usually want their girlfriends wearing super revealing clothing, right? Maybe it made him uncomfortable.

“No.. I love it so much. You look so good in it. Wear it all the time.” He reassures you desperately, laying your insecurities to rest immediately. You giggle and you don’t know why you were even nervous.

“Clearly I don’t think that’s a good idea, unless we wanna be like my friend and start testing our luck everywhere we go.” You joke, and he laughs lightly in your ear. A shiver tickles your spine.

“Okay, love. What do you want me to do for you? Just tell me.“ You prompt for him. You want to be able to satisfy him in whatever way he feels he needs you right now.

“Mm.. Nothing, jus wanna feel you..” He mumbles as his hands start to move from your waist and caress around all the curves of your body. He stops to grab at your ass when he gets there, and you can feel his neediness with the way his hips make slight jerks forward. Usually he’s always taken a liking to your breasts, but it must really be something about your skirt today driving him crazy. You don’t think you’ve seen him like this.

While he caresses you with his warm hands that you adore feeling on you like this, he starts to kiss your neck too. You let out very faint moans as he does, feeling extra sensitive too now for some reason. You can just feel how badly he wants you and that alone is driving you crazy.

"Yu.." you call out quietly as he's busy leaving you with another hickey. "Shouldn't we make this quick? Not that I don’t love it, but…"

You tell him this partially because you are a bit anxious about getting caught suddenly, but also because you’re really desperate to have him inside you already. You can feel the wetness between your legs getting out of control. He pulls back to look you in the eyes, and you were not expecting him to look as lustful as he does right now. That’s a dangerous look he’s giving you.

“I’m gonna eat you out.. is that okay?” He tells you, almost breathless, and you could moan just hearing him say that. You love when he goes down on you. It feels like heaven every time and you love looking at his eyes when his tongue is deep inside you. Despite this, you’re still a bit unsure.

“Yu.. this is kinda risky, don’t you think we should-“

“Please?” He begs and you know you could never say no to what he’s asking of you right now. This is literally a situation straight out of a wet dream.

“Okay.. but-“ before you can even tell him to be quick, he pushes his lips to yours with excitement. Your tongues entwine and you feel his fingers come down to rub at your slit. He can feel how wet you are now, and it only makes him kiss you harder, more desperate. You have to grab his shoulders when he’s suddenly slipping three fingers into you at once. He swallows your moans that would definitely had been much too loud otherwise. He pumps into you a few times before pulling out, leaving you feeling empty, needy. You need him inside you again. You whine at his absence as he pulls back from your kiss as well. You’re about to pout at him before you end up watching him put his own fingers in his mouth, getting a taste of you before the full meal. Your face goes red.

“I’ll make you cum quick, promise.” He tells you softly, making butterflies in your stomach as you watch him immediately sink down to his knees. You know he’s being serious about that too, and you’re a bit nervous.

You’re stood right next to where the wall ends and turns the corner, so you peak your head out to make sure no one’s around. There’s nobody, and you cant believe people really never come to this section. Honestly it would be a cute place to sit and read normally.

“Look at me.” Your boyfriend tells you and your attention snaps back to him. He’s already slipped your panties down and you lift your skirt up slightly for him so it’s not in his face as he goes to kiss your clit.

You let out hushed moans as his tongue starts working, circling your clit and playing with you there for a while. Your face must be dark with both the way he’s making you feel and the way he’s looking at you. God that eye contact will get you everytime. His intense sanpaku stare never once looking away from you, taking in every reaction he gets out of you. It’s like he studies you, analyzing what’s making you feel the best, making sure he’s doing a good job. You cant believe how into this he is too, you didn’t think this would be his thing, but he clearly loves it. You never thought when you met this sweet boy that he would be so kinky.

Right now he’s really keeping his word on making it quick, hitting all the right motions he’s already memorized from how many times he’s pleasured you like this. He knows exactly what you like. Normally, he’ll stretch it out anyways, loving getting to have you this way for as long as possible. Seeing all the cute faces you make. Even making you climax on his face multiple times.

His favorite is when you’re about to cum, just like you are now. Your hands are in his hair, pulling at him as if you want him to stop, can’t take it anymore.

“Yuta.. s’too much..” you whisper to him like you do in some variation everytime. Then your thighs start clenching on him, shaking. Your breathing gets quicker. Your hands can’t even muster the energy to pull him anymore, clenching and unclenching fists in his hair. The only thing he doesn’t like about this part is that he can’t talk you through it like he likes to. He wants more than anything in this moment to tell you “You're doing so good, beautiful. Ride it out. I got you.” As your back arches and your body tenses up. But he’s got to stay focused to make sure you feel as good as possible.

He watches you with your mouth covered, head pushed against the bookcase behind you. His hands come up to support your now trembling legs as you start to come down from your high. He thinks he could never get tired of doing this specifically for you.

He lets you breathe for a few moments before standing again. He presses his forehead to yours as you look up at him with those pleasure-riden eyes.

“Y/n…” he says to you softly and you nod. “Sorry but, turn around. Please. Need to fuck you so bad.”

If your cheeks could blush any darker they would. You really love when he’s like this. You do as he says and turn around, his buldge already pressing at your ass as you feel him struggle to get his pants undone. When he does, he wastes no time in rubbing his raw shaft along your extremely wet folds. You shiver and manage to hold in any sound from coming out.

“Ah! H-hold on!” You tell him right before it feels like he’s about to press into you. You cant believe you didn’t think of this. You reach over for your purse and Yuta impatiently continues to rub against you. Looking for the condom in your bag as best you can, it’s not too long before you find it and pull it out. You knew having emergency ones in there would come in handy.

“Here. Put this on at least.” You say, handing it back to him.

He looks confused for a moment, and you know why. The two of you have been fucking raw for a while now. Which, in hindsight is not the best habit to have gotten into. But you suppose that was your risky kink, both of yours.

“Yu, we’re gonna make a mess if we don’t use it.” You reason with him, already hearing the protests probably circling in his head. You hear him whine just slightly, but he takes it. He knows you’re right.

As he’s putting it on you start to worry about yourself and getting caught again. You’ve never exactly been very quiet, and neither has he. At all.

“Try to go slow please.. I’m not sure how well I can keep my voice down if you’re not careful.” You whisper to him, bracing yourself against the bookshelf. You feel Yuta’s hand caress up and around your hips, his face moving up right to your ear.

“You’re right.. if we get caught we might get banned from the library. And then we’d have to study at your place from now on… what a shame that’d be.. right?” He says with a dark tone, and you know exactly what he’s implying. Horny asshole. There’s no way he’s serious.

“I think the penalty would be a lot worse than tha-AT!” You go to warn him but loose control of your voice when he shoves almost his entire length into you at once. Specifically doing the OPPOSITE of what you just asked.

“Yuta!!” You hiss, slapping his shoulder with the back of your hand before he starts moving. “What’d I just tell you?!”

He breaths a silent laugh into your neck “Sorry.. love you.” He says and places a few kisses along your neck and shoulder. You sigh at this and you know you can’t stay mad. Still, that was a surprise as he’s usually very obedient to you with requests like that.

“You’re taking me so good, though.” He adds, pressing a kiss to your cheek as well. You feel him slide in a little more and you both let out shallow breaths. You feel so close to him like this, his body pressed against you, pinning you to the bookcase with nowhere to go. His hands find yours and intertwine, letting you know he’s got you, he’s with you.

Your warmth felt so good around him like this, he didn’t even want to move. But just like before, he knows he’s gotta be quick here. This is what he was begging for and you so graciously allowed him to have. His thrusts go slow the way you asked of him, only picking up pace when he feels the need. The sound of your soft almost-silent moans and the squelching of his cock pumping in and out of you, filling the silence of the corner the two of you have to yourself. He groans and whines quietly into your back as his pace speeds up again, trying harder not to make noise with his motions more than with his mouth.

“Thank you.. fuck, I love you.” He tells you, breathlessly, mindlessly.

“Yuuta.. Ah!” You moan his name, just a little louder than you have been. His hand comes to cover your mouth, but it’s gentle. You know he’s just helping, knowing it’s hard for you to keep quiet like this. He keeps letting praises and curses fall from his mouth like mumbling, fucking into you with as much care as he can. Wanting to make you feel so good but not alert anyone to this private moment, just for the two of you. His hand can barely keep against your mouth, his focus elsewhere. You can hear his labored breathing and small moans that slip out right against your ear, making your hand stand and every part of you feeling sensitive.

“I’m gonna.. ahh.. gonna cum, Yu.” You tell him softly, your mind fogging. You look down below you and the sight is so incredibly lewd, like something you’d find on a nsfw blog. Your panties soaked on the floor beneath you, your feet basically on top of his the way you’re lifted up on your toes.

“Fuck, Please. Cum for me, love. Wanna feel it..” He pleads, fucking you harder now, the sounds getting a bit too loud. “I love you so much. Please. Please, please.”

There’s no way you could hold back your climax if you wanted to with the way he’s begging you like this. Your body complies, as if obedient to him of its own will. Your high ripples through you and you have to slap your hand on top of his to really keep quiet for this.

He doesn’t slow even on your comedown, continuing to fuck your aching hole. Your hands muffle the moans thatd normally be full-on wails if the two of you were home right now.

“Kiss me.” He tells you, his face next to yours already. You both let go and you press you lips to his again. He does his best to help drown out your sounds as he reaches his own high.

“Cumming.. fuck I’m gonna cum.” He whines against your lips, unable to focus on anything else anymore.

“Feels so good Yu.. cum inside me, please.” You plead for him, knowing it makes him feel even better when you praise him.

“I love you.” You finally tell him earnestly, and he echoes it back to you so breathlessly that you could barely make it out.

He thrusts into you one last time, spilling his seed into the condom that he wishes wasn’t there. He wants you to feel him finishing inside you, he’d become addicted to it.

Still, he basks in the way you twitch and squirm against him as he keeps his dick stuffed deep inside you, pressing against your cervix wall.

“Yu..” You whine, knowing he knows what he’s doing. He just wanted to enjoy it a moment longer, that’s all. When he pulls out of you, the both of you gasp a little, breaths heavy and shaking.

At the beginning of this, when you offered to do it in the library, you had not thought it’d be intense like this, and you definitely didn’t consider how your legs would feel afterward. They are shaking and you’re praying Yuta can’t tell because he will most definitely tease you about it. His arms wrap around you as he embraces you one more time.

“After studying, later I’m gonna cum inside you, okay?” He tells you sweetly, like it’s not the totally vulgar sentence that just left his mouth. You scoff in disbelief.

“Are you serious?” You say with amused exasperation.

“We had to use the condom..” He pouts, looking up at you from shoulder level. “I want to give you a creampie like I usually do.”

Good lord, what have you turned this man into?

“Alright, alright.” You tell him, rolling your eyes with a smile. “But only if you actually study with me now. Cmon, put this away.” He flinches when you poke his now half-hard dick, but does as you say anyways.

This is good, now he has some real motivation to work. He studies with you that day harder than he’s probably ever studied in his whole life.

#okkotsu yuuta #yuuta x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #fanfiction #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[v3nomly]

hiii saw your post abt modern au astarion and how you have requests open🤭 first of all i'm begging you please give us every single astarion thought you have........ kinda obsessed with modern au astarion🤭 could you please give us something about that where astarion still works in the justice system?? i'll never understand why people say he would have a different job, boy is literally born to be a lawyer/judge!! also have a lovely day😽😽😽 if you plan on keeping tabs on your anons may i be a 🍓 anon teehee

Ooo, I love the idea of modern lawyer Astarion. Instantly my brain went feral and threw my mind into the hyperbolic gutter. NSFW additions and a surprise appearance from ascended-adjacent Astarion under the cut. As always let me know if you want me to continue! Either as more thirsty ramble of an actual fic! Also I created a tag for you 🍓 anon! ♡

Astarion is just so charming and beguiling. He has everyone wrapped around his finger in that courtroom. Hanging off every saccharine word he says.

God, he’s just about lying through his teeth, but no one seems to care. He's spinning a careful web of truths and mistruths so intricate and show-stopping that he knows he has the jury right where he wants them.

You’re a bottom-of-the-food chain lawyer. New enough to the scene that you get stuck with all the shitty cases like this one. But veteran enough in the art of assholes to know the type of man Astarion is the moment you see him. The worst type of lawyer, one more befitting the name of a conman. Happy to line his pockets with the misfortune of others.

You couldn’t lie he was captivating. Every utterance of a word was a performance. Every gesture was a dance, and he played the part so well. It is what he does best.

It is when you utter one simple word that he finds his show comes to a halt.

“Objection,” you state voice almost meek, all eyes turn to you, and suddenly the spotlight has shifted.

Of course, the judge dismissed your claims, but it was enough to throw Astarion off his game. Sure, this wasn’t the first time someone had called 'objection', nor would it be the last. Yet, even with your voice as meek as it was your eyes held something he hadn’t witnessed in years. Clarity.

You saw through him, and the revelation almost made him want to laugh. You were refreshing, like an ice-filled cup of water on a sweltering summer day. For the rest of the trial, he gave you a chance to match his dance and god where you beautiful.

Maybe you stumbled or stepped on his toes, but you were merely unpracticed and the thought of you honed, your skills sharpened like a knife, brought a fiery excitement he hadn’t realized he was missing.

I could see him being subtly flirty every moment you were alone during the trail. Something that flustered the hell out of you, but you never let it affect your performance, which only furthered his interest.

When all is said and over, with the defense winning, a very proud and victorious Astarion comes over to shake your hand. Taking the opportunity to pull you just a step closer and invite you for drinks.

You knew better. Certainly knew that a guy like him was trouble, but you didn’t say no. While you wouldn’t admit it, you were somewhat eager to see what else Astarion was capable of. So much so that you had practically brought up the idea of him fucking you in the alley.

Your hands braced you against the wall, allowing you enough resistance to push back into each thrust, allowing Astarion to hit you deeper. His hands held firmly onto your hips, no doubt leaving the imprints of his long fingers on your skin.

"Fuck," you utter your legs wobbling, slowly turning to putty as he brings you closer to the edge. Astarion pauses his hold shifting to better support you. You hear him pant behind you, and you can only assume he's trying desperately to catch his breath. Just as caught up in the steamy exchange as you were. Before he steps back, allows his cock to slip free.

"Turn around, wanna see you, beautiful," the pet name speeds up your already racing heart. They were nothing new, something you had grown used to when his flirtatious remarks had started up, but the cadence of his voice felt more real, intimate.

Turning was a blessing and a curse, and both for the same reason. Astarion was handsome, there was no denying that. An air of royalty surrounded him, so perfectly pristine with so little effort. Now replaced with something just as gorgeous. White curls lay jostled, a few strands stuck to his forehead, pupils blow wide with lust, and lips swollen and bruised with the faintest strain of your lipgloss.

It isn't until he had you in his arms, a leg thrown over each one that you realize how strong he is. In the dim alley, you had only been able to make out the makings of what you assumed were abs, and while you had run your hands along his chest plenty during your initial makeout session you hadn't pegged him to be this fit. Nor did you realize how much you liked being picked up as if you were nothing but a small toy.

Astarion simply asks if you are ready, only waiting for your nod before he's once again buried deep inside you.

He kissed you sloppily, swallowing every breathy moan you let escape your pretty little mouth. Only pulling away to rest his forehead against your own.

There was little regret to be had when you let your gaze linger on him. Even as someone walks past the alleys threatening to expose your rendezvous. You think that you wouldn’t mind having him fuck you senseless again.

Dark Astarion

Imagine being his little Legal Secretary who deals with all his boring administrative issues.

Late office hours where he has his hand fisted in your hair, pulling tight, as guides you to choke on his cock. The deep laugh that would rumble through his chest right before he begins to mock you. Astarion would start off sweet with a little tease about how cute you are. Before his mouth would twist into the cocky smirk he wore so often. He’d make you look at him, mouth still placed around his aching length. You meet his eyes and moan around him. In the light, they almost appear red, like a predator ready to devour its prey. A sly fox and his dumb little rabbit.

You think for a second he’s going to praise you. Tell you how good you make him feel, so you look up at him eagerly with big doe eyes. Ready for whatever compliment would slip from his perfect lips.

“You're my personal little pet. Aren’t you darling? Only good for serving me,” he says, with little room for argument. Demeaning and possessive and the best compliment he could ever bestow upon you.

His smirk grows as he observes you squeeze your thighs together, cock growing impossibly harder when he thinks about how wet you’ll be when he has you bouncing on it later.

© 2023 v3nomly do not plagiarize, translate, or repost my writing to any other site.

#astarion x reader #astarion x mc #astarion x you #astarion fanfic #reader insert #x reader #astarion #˗ˋˏ꒰ঌ 🍓 anon #˗ˋˏ꒰ঌ ven writes

[beanghostprincess]

(tw shitty ass english) I JUST READ AN OLD POST ABOUT USOPP MAKING BEAD BRACELETS FOR SANJI, AND HAD A VISION OF USOPP HELPING SANJI (who is freaking the hell out) TO FIND A BEAD RING THAT HE MADE FOR HIM WHILE STANDING ON ONE KNEE, AND WHEN HE FINDS IT HE HANDS IT TO SANJI WITHOUT STANDING UP SO IT KINDA LOOKS LIKE USOPP IS PROPOSING AND SANJI GETS SUPER FLUSTERED AND THINKS ABOUT THAT MOMENT FOR LIKE A WEEK im delusional

NO BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FUCKING REAL FOR THIS I ADORE THIS SO MUCH QWJEBQJKBFJBFJEWBFJKWBF (<- crying shaking sobbing) (I am literally writing a fic with the prompt of that post and it makes me go INSANE).

And this is just so funny but so so sweet- Tbh, I always headcanon that Sanuso is already established when WCI happens, and right after WCI Sanji can't stop thinking about weddings and getting married. Whether it's in a positive way or just because he's still trying to forget his experience there--

So he won't stop thinking about it and he heavily considers marriage with Usopp because, I mean, after almost getting married by force and going through the worst time of his life, Sanji is starting to think about what he's going to do after finding the All Blue and the One Piece. And he knows that everything around them is going to change once they do find those, but there's this constant in every situation he imagines and it's that Usopp is always there.

So now I can't stop thinking about what you're saying: Usopp making a ring for Sanji just because (like seriously, there's not a deep, meaningful reason for that, he just makes it because he can and he thought Sanji would like it) and having to pick it up from the floor before giving it to him but it looks like a marriage proposal. Sanji freaks out so much his brain stops working. He's all red. He can't move. He's stuttering. Usopp doesn't know what he should do because he seriously thinks he has fucked up big time now. Sanji just takes the ring and runs to the kitchen without saying a word. I think Usopp wouldn't process what's going on until Nami says: "I'm not one to judge but perhaps it's a bit too soon for that?" and she points to Usopp's position and,, Okay, now Usopp is panicking too.

So he follows Sanji to the kitchen, trying to fix everything, and the first thing he sees is his boyfriend curling up on one of the chairs and staring at the ring. To which, of course, Usopp goes:

"I- I know what it looked like, but I was not- That was not what I was- It was all an accident so don't freak out-" / "I'm not freaking out" / "You kind of stormed off to the kitchen and you'll probably burn the ring if you look at it that much so, uh, maybe you are freaking ou-" / "I am not! Freanking out! I- I- It's not about you, love, my mind is just a mess ever since- Fuck. You know" / "I know... But I am not asking you to marry me. It was a misunderstanding. That's alright! We can forget this ever happened-" / "But what if- What if I don't want to?" / "Come again?" / "Not- Not right now but... But what if I did want to get married. Someday" / "You want to get married to me?" / "Is it that surprising? I thought it was obvious I wanted to get married" / "Yes! But not to me! I thought you'd end up with a pretty picture-perfect girl, not... Me?" / "That's dumb" / "Oh, okay, thank you? People have insecurities, you know?" / "No, I mean- It's dumb. I already had that girl and I don't think I've ever wanted to marry you more than when I was with her. Away from you... I missed you" / "I missed you too. But we don't have to get married now, so don't worry much about it, alright?" / "But would you?" / "Huh?" / "Marry me. If I- If we- If it ever happened. Would you?" / "Now, that's a dumb question".

And Sanji doesn't need Usopp to explain what he means by that because he already knows.

#they make me go wild :) #i love marriage proposals even if this isn't really a marriage proposal and it's more of an agreement between them #but anyway i just absolutely love them #i just know sanji is crazy for getting married and usopp isn't THAT insane about it but he can't wait to marry sanji #i'm not even that big on marriage irl but damn i love these two and sanji deserves a romantic fairytale wedding fr #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso

[chubmins]

candy bear, sweetie pie (i wanna be adored)

cw: feederism, belly kink, weight gain, burping, brief mention of body image regarding jimin’s family, streamer!jimin. 

“hello there... it’s manggae.” 

jimin’s voice was low, almost a whisper, as he laid back on one of his hands and appraised the rapidly growing influx of messages on his live’s chat. they weren’t quick enough that jimin would lose track, but nowadays he would have to scroll back up to catch something he missed a few times. his audience had been growing. 

“you missed me? cute. it’s only been a week.” his full lips stretched in a smile his viewers would be able to see and fawn over. jimin always positioned himself carefully, camera catching him perfectly from the lips down — not because he didn’t want the audience to see his face, they had seen him a handful of times now, but because he wanted his body to be the main focus. 

and his body explained why his nickname on the streaming website was manggaetteok. 

jimin had always liked to eat. growing up in an extremely rich family, food had never been an issue — until it started being taken away from him by parents and nutritionists who believed his chubby cheeks were something to be ashamed of. jimin spent his teenage years on diets, pills and stinky gym bathrooms. he almost started hating his body as much as his parents did. 

until he moved out. was moved out, to be more precise — an apartment bought for him in the heart of gangnam, too big for just one person, way under-decorated to look like a homel. jimin was twenty and out of his parents' claws for the first time in his life. 

it didn’t take him more than a year to figure out the most crucial things about himself: he prefered boys over girls, silk robes and lace over black pressed suits, and he very much prefered to stay home and order food to going out to a new bar every friday night.

jimin turned into the perfect definition of a homebody; and, soon enough, of a foodie. 

he didn’t hold back when it came to food, and the results of his indulgence after years of restriction showed on his body rather quickly. at least his parents were right about one thing — he really was prone to gaining weight, and a lot of it. 

sitting now on the floor of one of the three bedroom’s in his apartment, the one he had slowly decorated to be his streaming studio, jimin weight gain is nothing if not noticeable. nicely placed down on his fluffy baby pink carpet with thighs spread as wide as they would go, his belly hanged almost touching the floor. it looks so soft and pudgy now, bulging forward in an almost perfect round dome even when it’s empty. he has pink stretch marks from the top of his jiggly thighs to right under his belly button, which has gotten deep enough for jimin to fit and poke his entire pinky finger inside. his flabby tits rest nicely on top of his swollen gut, round puffy nipples a pretty light brown on display. 

“remember when i’d dress up all cute and pretty for these lives?” jimin practically purred at the camera, both hands heading to his breasts so he could squeeze and jiggle them while chuckling. “my bras don’t fit me anymore… i need to buy new ones.” 

as if on cue, the silent notification bar that signaled new donations started popping up repeatedly, each time with a different amount of the website’s currency he’d get to convert to real money later. jimin chuckled again, he knew how to play this game too well. he had indeed grown out of most of his fancy silk and lace lingerie, but he also didn’t want to repeat the same ones he’d still fit into. that being said, he had decided on his fit for today as being a pair of baby blue silk shorts that barely covered his ass when he stood up, and a matching silk choker with a small emerald pendant.  

“well, well, look at that! seems like i’ll have some new lingerie to show you guys soon.” His hands moved away from his body before he could get too excited, and moved towards the tray he had off camera. 

with a little bit of maneuvering, he pulled the traw towards himself until it was in between his massive thighs and the camera, positioned just so that his body wouldn’t be too covered up and his belly would still be on display. 

“as you can see” jimin praticaly purred, “i followed your requests and got a full american breakfast. there are pancakes,” he pointed at each and every item as he spoke, mouth watering just thinking about how he was finally going to eat “eggs, sausages, muffins, bagels and a berry smoothie.” 

that was probably enough food to feed a family of four — the chat flooded with excited messages of how they couldn’t wait to see jimin eating it all. at first his viewers’ excitement would startle jimin a bit, but now? now he lived for it. 

after all, he’d always get as excited as them. 

“should i start with the pancakes? they’re still warm.” he asked, reading all the messages he could, all of which were encouraging him to start eating.

jimin reached for the pancakes. there were six of them in total, fluffy and golden brown with melted butter running down on all sides. jimin’s fork was quick to make work through the first three layers as he balanced the plate on top of his belly, and once the big bite was inside his lips he moaned unashamedly. 

“fuck… so good.” he barely finished chewing before he pushed more inside his mouth, closing his eyes in bliss. “i could eat this everyday. imagine how much bigger i’d get.” 

his viewers got off on that, as he came to learn very quickly after starting to stream himself eating. jimin’s primary goal certainly wasn’t to gain weight, but it did keep the cash coming and he didn’t mind the plushness one bit. just a small price to pay for all the food he shoved inside himself, and he did look hot with all the extra pounds. jimin continued to shove the pancakes inside his mouth, barely chewing before swallowing, moaning almost obscenely throughout the whole process. it didn’t take more than five minutes for him to polish the whole stack. 

“kinda wish i had ordered more” he pouted, putting the plate away and lightly slapping his still very empty gut. the donations started popping up again, messages telling him to order more right at that instant, to order ten times more next week. “don’t worry everyone, i still have a lot more to eat!” 

jimin reached for the bagels next — there were 9 of them in a box alongside 4 muffins of various flavours, and jimin had started alternating between them while answering some of his viewers questions. 

“last time i went on a date? that was a couple months ago, actually” he answered between bites of a blueberry muffin. “made him take me to an all you can eat buffet, ate like a pig. had to unzip my pants for dessert and all...” jimin licked his fingers clean, making a little show out of it before reaching for the last bagel and all but eating half of it in one big bite before continuing in a lighthearted tone, cheeks full. “probably freaked him out, he never called again.”

the story was only partially true — taehyung had taken him to an all you can eat buffet for their first date, but he also had called again. they were dating, in fact, but had made an arrangement to keep it from jimin’s subscribers. as much as jimin didn’t mind showing his body and face online for thousands to see, his private life remained private, and he was a firm believer that nobody needed to know his real name, the city he lived in or his relationship status. 

“i need something savory, now. those muffins were really sweet.” jimin sighed, taking a big sip from his berry smoothie. one of his chubby hands played with his belly, caressing around the belly button before lifting the fat mass and letting it fall, sighing at the way it jiggled back into place. the movement dislodged a gas bubble, and he could hear the gurgling noise coming up his throat and feel the pressure on his chest right before letting out a loud belch. 

“oh, yeah… that felt good.” another burp made its way out right then, shorter and deeper than the first one. jimin bit his lip and smiled, playing coy. “excuse me!” 

he reached for the eggs, three full plates with enough spicy sauce on top that it dripped down Jimin’s chin at his first bite. he didn’t clean it at first, too preoccupied with stuffing his face until he could barely chew with his mouth closed. jimin still had a few steps to take before he felt actually full, but his stomach definitely felt a little bit harder at the top, now. he ate the first two plates mostly in silence aside from the casual moans and loud slurps from the berry smoothie, lips feeling tingly and swollen from the spice. 

“you guys remember last time i ate this spicy sauce, right?” jimin smiled, going for the third and last plate. “that day with the ten hamburguers. i downed almost the entire bottle with them, got so gassy afterwards. couldn’t stop burping.” the memory makes his comment session go crazy, talking about how hot it was, how he should do it again. jimin chuckles, happy his viewers don’t mind how much of a pig he can be sometimes.

he continues eating, barely stopping to breathe — there’s still two dishes to get done with, and his stomach is starting to protest about the eggs he just ate.  

“hmm… tummy is talking, you guys hear that?” jimin all but shoves a finger inside his belly button, moving the digit around in a movement that could almost be considered obscene. he feels so good, exposed like this, stomach gurgling away the fullness.

the donations keep coming at a fast rate as jimin keeps eating, pace much slower than when he first started with the pancakes, lips greasy and adorned with crumbles. his hands find his belly a plethora of times, caressing the stretched out skin, pressing against the swelled up gut as he unashamedly lets out moans and sighs of pleasure. that’s how jimin, sooner rather than later, finds himself out of food to eat, only half of his smoothie left. 

“so full…” he groans, leaning back to expose his full, rounded out fat belly. it gurgles audibly then, jumping out in an abrupt movement as jimin’s lips fall open and he belches again, a long and wavering deep noise that sounds both disgusting and relieving. only then he reaches off camera for a tissue box, cleaning his fingers and then his lips and double chin, laughing as he spots some muffin crumbles on his chest and wipes them away carelessly. 

“that was so—” jimin is interrupted by a small burp, cheeks puffing up cutely. “so good. but i can’t help but feel like i could pack more in here.” he pats his belly kinda harshly, the slapping sound loud inside his room. “should i go for 10 pancakes next time? or maybe only have pancakes, a huge stack of them… ah, bet i could eat 20.” 

the chat is, as always, extremely encouraging. the donations start coming at a surprising speed again, some messages attached about how the money is for his future grocery trip and for him to buy double of everything. jimin bathes on the attention for a little longer, answering some questions while trying to soothe his ful, oversized belly, chuckling every now and then and pointing out the gurgling noises it makes as it tries to process all the food he just ate.

he was not lying, though — it does feel like he could pack more if he tried. but that’s a thought for next time, and jimin stores it for next week’s stream as he bids goodbye and claims it’s time for him to get into his food coma and digest so he can come back even fatter. 

“this has been manggae… until next time, guys!”

#i'm literally shaking i'm so flustered about posting this fic #it's been a while since i've written anything #please note english isn't my first language #am trying my best #as always idk how to tag #chubby bt5 #chubmins

[violetarks]

making up after a fight

anime: tokyo revengers

characters: hanagaki takemichi, sano 'mikey' manjiro, baji keisuke, hanma shuji

summary: how you two rekindle your relationship after hard times

warnings: afab! reader, use of she/her pronouns, third person pov

a/n: for all my tokyo rev fans, sorry i've only been posting "self-control" fics!!

↣ hanagaki takemichi:

Fighting with Takemichi was very emotional. And not beccause he;s crying as soon as the both of them raise their voices.

It was emotional because of stress. Which was the real reason why everything started. But at this point, where Takemichi stood in the past, he didn't even remember what they are arguing about. At least Y/N's mother liked him enough to let him in to apologise.

"Um... Y/N?" He called, knocking on the door quietly. He's nervous, because he's never done this before. They've never had a fight this big before. "It's—It's Takemichi."

There was no response to him, making Takemichi close his eyes and lean his forehead against the door. He hasn't fucked up this bad in a while. He was so caught up in saving Toman that he didn't realise the strain he put on their relationship. All the yelling and the tears had just now taken its toll on him.

Y/N was incredible special to him. When he first began getting into fights, she'd be there on the sidelines to intervene. She'd help patch him back together and be there for him. Even in his original past, Y/N was there.

But as it changed and got more intense, Y/N was getting overwhelmed.

"Are you alright?" Takemichi questions, hand against the door. He's kind of nervous that she'll just leave him alone, tell him to get out. "I'm sorry for fighting with you, I really didn't mean anything I said. Do... Do you want to talk to me? Or do you want me to go?"

Y/N was never one to fully run from her problems, she just needed some time to think everything over. She still loved Takemichi, after everything. He was still her love, someone who'd always get so flustered when she'd see him in an awkward situation. She was his, just as Takemichi was hers.

So she opens the door.

Takemichi, who was still leaning against the door, is now quite literally falling into his girlfriend's arms. He widens his eyes as his arms fall over Y/N's shoulders, tensing up once he weighs onto her. And he's quick to apologise.

"Ah! Sorry, I didn't mean to—" He's interrupted by the feeling of her arms going around his waist. His cheeks are heating up in a blush as Y/N hugs him closer, face nuzzled in his shoulder.

"Stay for a bit?" She mumbles, closing her eyes, "I'm sorry. Really didn't want to leave like that..."

He's soft for her, never able to say 'no' to something she wanted. A smile falls on his lips before he hugs her tighter, chin on top of her shoulders.

"I don't really wanna' go." He whispers out in a slight chuckle, heart racing. He holds her closer, wanting to make up for loss time. "I'm sorry too."

She grins at that, pulling away a little and pressing gentle kisses to his cheek. "I, um, have a confession to make." She mumbles, making Takemichi straighten out, "Because I was mad at you, I started watching our show without you..."

And he would've started a whole other silly fight about that if it weren't for the fact that he's seen that series like sixteen times. The only different is that now, he can re-watch it with her.

With a mock hurt expression, Takemichi sighs out, "I suppose I can brush off this one, Y/N."

She laughs back, ruffling his hair and pulling him inside the bedroom, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! This was the only way I thought I could get back at you!" She frantically shakes his arms. "Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me!"

He's holding her face in both of his hands with a smile. "Alright, alright. Just because you ask." He sighs out, shaking his head.

There it is. The smile that he wants to protect.

↣ sano 'mikey' manjiro:

Mikey holds true to his word and usually tries to avoid fighting with people he can't stand to lose.

So when Y/N storms out of the house with tears in her eyes and her last 'fuck you, Manjiro', Mikey can't help but feel drained. He can't always have things go his way, and he knows that.

But something about seeing his girlfriend be so mad at him, makes his heart cave into his chest.

Draken, who has passed Y/N by the entrance and noticed the look on her face, faces Mikey with a shrug of his shoulders. "Give her some time." He tells his best friend, noticing the antsy look on his face, "She looks Hella' mad right now. Probably just needs some space at the moment."

Mikey is sitting on the couch, slapping a palm over his forehead with a groan, "Shit. You think she'll come back here later?" He's got some thoughts running through his mind.

Draken sits down beside him, handing him a snack he went out and bought. "Probably. You two can't stand to be away from each other for more than a day." He claims, rolling his eyes, as if he wasn't needy to see Emma at least twice in 24 hours. Why do you think he was there now?

"But don't worry." He hums out, patting Mikey's back, "Y/N won't leave something unfinished. And she loves you, doesn't she?"

Draken actually waits for an answer. Mikey blinks before he clears his throat, "Oh, um... yeah."

"Then chill out." His taller friend scoffs out, standing up and pulling out his phone, "I'm taking Emma out. I'll have her home later."

Mikey nods his head, sitting back to wait.

Y/N and Mikey have never had a real fight before. It was usually just her scolding her boyfriend for coming back with bruises everywhere. Sometimes he'd tell her that it was necessary, so she'd just put it off.

But this time, it was too far. He had gone off to fight with Draken and Mitsuya, completely missing out on her night with her boyfriend. They had agreed that today would be their movie night, which had been pushed back so many times before. She was fine to wait until he got home, but then Mikey arrived with all these cuts and bruises.

It takes about four hours until he hears the door open.

Draken and Emma were out together, which left Mikey by himself in the house. He perks up at the sound, bouncing from his seat and walking to the entrance of the house.

There Y/N was, taking off her shoes before looking up to her boyfriend. The two of them stand there in silence, unable to say anything. But then Y/N bows her head a little.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Mikey. I shouldn't have said those things." She apologises, face heating up in embarrassment. In a heated argument, she tends to just say the most random shit. "I was just mad, and um..." She lifts a hand to brush the back of her neck. "I kinda' just missed you a lot recently.

Mikey is moving towards her, one hand landing on the top of her head. Y/N glances up at her boyfriend, who just tilts his head and smiles. "No, it was my fault." He claims, giving a small pat, "It's not good to make your girlfriend worry about you too much. I'm sorry, Y/N."

And she's taking his hand, the one on the top of her head, and lacing her fingers through his. Mikey gulps when she presses a kiss to his knuckles, bruised and bandaged. "If I didn't worry about you, then I'm sure you'd fall apart." She jokes, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly, "Just be more careful. And make some time to relax."

Mikey nods his head, melting into his girlfriend's embrace. He sighs, closing his eyes, "I will."

Y/N grins at him and holds tightly to both of his hands. "Good. Now, it's lunch time." She reminds him, pulling out a plastic bag from behind her back. He perks up at that. "I went out and got something to eat. Watch some movies?"

"I really love you."

↣ baji keisuke:

Baji's a good boy. He never really likes to argue with his girlfriend because he loves her. And you shouldn't like to do that. If you're normal, y'know?

"Keisuke, that was stupid." Y/N claims in an angered tone, shutting the window of her bedroom after Baji sneaks in at 1 AM. A few streets down, there's a firetruck — no, no, there's two, another one is pulling up into the street — putting out one of Baji's late night adventures.

Baji doesn't say anything, only standing in front of Y/N as she closes her blinds. She doesn't expect him to talk yet, mainly because she believes they've said all they needed to in their argument earlier that day.

It was just about how he needed to focus more on school than Toman. And she understands just how important Toman is to Baji, it's his life, but his mother had voiced her concerns to Y/N. She was practically balling her eyes out to her when Baji comes home from another fight. Y/N had tried to have a conversation about it but with Baji's tiredness mixed with Y/N's willingness to push him harder to studying, it didn't go well.

He ended up storming off and leaving Y/N to comfort his mother. Hours later, when Y/N had to go home, Baji had returned to apologise. He promised his mother that he'd do better, and he wanted to keep that promise.

Y/N knew that as soon as she saw the fire outside her window, that it was her delinquent boyfriend just blowing off some steam. So she called him to come here before he got in trouble.

She dug through her closet, grabbing one of Baji's hoodies that she did in fact steal. His shirt was currently burnt at the bottom. "Put this on. It's cold." She mumbles, handing it to him before going downstairs and grabbing a drink and a snack for him.

When she returns, Baji is curled up in her blankets and facing the wall. A habit he picked up once finally being comfortable in her house. She gives a small smile before setting the food on the bedside table.

"Kei." She whispers out, shifting in beside him and leaning over his shoulder. He's got this blank stare in his eyes. She frowns, laying back down and hugging his back. "I shouldn't have done that, pressured you. I'm sorry."

He's shifting in her arms, turning around and now wrapping his own arms around her, digging his face into her hair. "I'm sorry too." He mumbles, closing his eyes, "Was mean to you... didn't mean it."

Y/N smiles at that, inhaling that feeble sent of smoke lingering on his skin. He must've been really frustrated because of that fight. "We'll both agree to try our best." She states, earning a hum of agreement from her boyfriend.

She hugs tightly onto his back, glancing up to Baji. He blinks a few times with his heart racing, because of her.

He makes a small noise as Y/N leans up and gives him a soft kiss on his lips, quick and cute. Baji barely has any time to react before she pulls away, giving another smile.

"Aw, are you blushing?" She chuckles.

"You're seeing things—Go to sleep." Embarrassing, is what she was to Baji.

↣ hanma shuji:

Hanma has a hard shell to crack. He's always doing things on his own and never telling anyone what he really felt. Which became a problem in his relationship.

He's watched Y/N walk out of a room hundreds of times, always staring and wondering just where she was going. But this time, he watches her storm out with harsh steps and her flipping him off. She called a quick 'I can't handle you sometimes, Shuji, asshole'.

Because sometimes it's a lot for Y/N to have to deal with Hanma's constant pushing away of his emotions whenever she asks.

"Alright, I'm back." Y/N huffs, rubbing the back of her head and putting her keys down on on the table. Hanma sat in the same spot, leaning against the back of the couch, arm slung over the top.

She blinks at him before furrowing her brows. "Have you even eaten? I was gone for like three hours." She questions, hand on her hip.

She looks over to the kitchen table to see that the dinner they ordered before was still there.

Nope, he hasn't eaten yet.

"Shuji." She sighs out, walking over to him and tilting her head at his blank expression. He really doesn't care, does he? "Come on, I'll re-heat it for you."

She leans forward and takes his hands gently. At the end of the day, they still love each other. Y/N still cares for him and wants him to stay healthy. She pulls him to his feet.

Times like this were Hanma would disregard his needs and responsibilities just to be petty or get back at someone.

When he's standing up, Y/N squeezes his hands. "You're okay, Shuji." She says, tilting her head, "You'll be fine."

And at that, he goes limp against Y/N, making her take a few steps back before stabling her footing. "I—Shuji, hey." She begins, wrapping her arms around him and keeping him standing.

He was usually like this whenever he was frustrated or annoyed. Kisaki would get on his nerve sometimes and he'd come home and just lay on top of her, groaning on about how shitty his day was. Y/N was like a calming station. Somehow always getting Hanma get to his senses.

"Sorry." He says, "Being dumb..." It's short but he means it.

He's never been good at expressing the right emotions at the right times. Y/N learnt to deal with it, because at times Hanma's shell would crack. More frequent kisses and hugs and holding hands. She was never one to push something unless needed.

She feels him shiver a little before he hugs her back. A sign of him pulling himself back together. She smiles, leaning back into him and kissing the side of his temple. "Yeah, but I'm used to that." She claims, earning a click of his tongue, "Sorry for yelling at you, Shuji."

He hums back, arms around her neck as he pulls away, "Eh, I deserved it." He's sheepish about it because it's true. Y/N seemed to be right most of the time. "Wanna' eat now?"

"Sure, okay." Y/N responds, tugging him along to the kitchen, "You still wait for me to eat dinner with you? Even when we're fighting?"

Hanma rolls his eyes at that, hugging her from behind as she heats up the ordered food. He scoffs out, "Yeah, well, it isn't gonna' happen often. Might as well keep my habits the same."

She smiles. Her boyfriend could be cute, sometimes.

#hanagaki takemichi #hanagaki takemichi x reader #takemichi #takemichi x reader #sano mikey manjiro #sano mikey manjiro x reader #sano mikey #sano mikey x reader #mikey #mikey x reader #baji keisuke #baji keisuke x reader #baji #baji x reader #hanma shuji #hanma shuji x reader #hanma #hanma x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev #tokyo rev x reader #reader insert

[daegall]

[21:15]

pairing: boyfriend! renjun x reader

genre: fluff, like a little bit of angst but thats for like 2 seconds in the beggining, high school! AU

warnings: uhhh there's a mention of a fight i think

word count: 967 words

a/n: OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE 4 DAYS TO FINISH MY RENJUN FIC UHHH WISH ME LUCK IM PULLING ALL NIGHTERS

networks: @neoturtles @knet-bakery @kokonomi @twozeronet

You sit upset and disappointed on your bed, scrolling through your feed on your computer, sighing at all the photos and videos your friends posts at the dance they are right now, looking down at your very inelegant outfit compared to their beautiful dresses.

You only had one reason not to go, your boyfriend. Renjun didn't want to go, claiming it would be a waste of time and super stupid, to which you wanted to counter back with an argument, but didn't want anything to break out.

But alas, an argument broke out just a few hours ago after you simply asked him if he was sure if he didn't want to go. It was too late already anyway, you had no preparations. No dress, no shoes, no plans at all.

And you really regret it as you stuff your face in a pillow and groan.

Just a second later you hear a rustle from out your window, but ignore it, thinking it was just another raccoon scavenging for scraps. A few moments beat by, before there's a literal beat playing outside, followed by music.

In confusion and curiosity, you climb off your bed to peek outside, surprised at the sight of your boyfriend, looking all adorable with his nervous smile and his hands twiddling with each other.

You open your window with a raised brow, looking left to right to see if there were anybody nearby. Nothing, just an empty street with your beloved loved one standing there with a radio.

"Renjun?"

"H-hey,"

You can't help but snort at his nervous tone, "What are you doing here?"

His smile falters, gaze dropping to his slippers, before he looks back up with a completely guilty look that shakes you in a way. "I've been a real ass."

Surprised, you open your mouth to sat what's on your mind, but Renjun raises his hand up to stop you. "Wait! Let me finish, please," his eyes plead as they meet with yours, it twists something in you, so you gesture him to carry on.

"I haven't been the best boyfriend. Or a good boyfriend, at that. I only thought of what I wanted, when your wants are also a priority too. I'm sorry I made you miss such a big part of high school, and I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I was being selfish."

You gape in awe at the softness that drips from Renjun's words, melting in how genuine he sounds, how he actually means the apology.

"I uh," He scratches the nape of his neck in embarrassment, sticking the radio in his hands out, "I thought we could have our own dance? You don't have to dress up, really. I mean I'm not that dressed up either." Your boyfriend grows shy upon realizing he suddenly sprang up from doing his nightly routine just to go to your house, only throwing on a jacket.

"You can wear anything you'd like! A dress, an ugly Christmas sweater, anything! You'll always look stunning to me,"

This time, it's you who breaks out into a flustered smile at his words, feeling truly stunning despite just wearing your normal pajamas. You beckon Renjun closer, "Shut up and get in here."

A few minutes later, you have your boyfriend successfully hauled into your room, although he is panting on the floor. "I think I'm about to pass out,"

You nudge at his stomach, setting the radio on your bedside table, "Oh stop it, you're being dramatic." Renjun grins weakly at the way you seem to glow with the soft moonlight hitting your skin, you look absolutely beautiful and he's so thankful he came to apologize tonight.

He quickly joins you on his feet (which still has slippers on), fumbling for the radio to turn on and go to the right station that plays the slow music from before. You laugh when he struggles, noticing the small pink in his cheeks as he constantly tries to change the channel.

After a few moments of him nervously smiling and mumbling out gentle apologies, soft music finally emits from the radio. It's quite fascinating, how the music comes out a bit muffled and it has a soft feeling to it.

Renjun's always been attached to the radio, you often see him turning it on when he's painting, or when you two were simply hanging out, it's a small detail you love about him. It's incredibly endearing to you that he brought it tonight, it causes you to grow soft.

Renjun sets the radio back down, before he waddles back a few steps, and does a bow with a small smile. "May I have this dance?" You follow along, bowing with your head down, though that's just to hide the ridiculous smile on your face. You mumble a small 'yes' as you gain the courage to look up into his eyes, though now you are unable to look away from them, you're afraid you might just stare at them forever and forget about reality.

Softly, your lover takes your hand in his, intertwining them together affectionately, as he rubs small soothing circles on the back of your hand. Slowly, he takes your waist in his other hand, and starts moving.

You dance across every corner of your room, laughing when you accidentally bump into something, playfully twirling each other around with sweet smiles.

The night seems so short when you spend time with Renjun, dancing to any song that plays, whether it's the same slow song, or some random EDM music Hyuck and Taeil listen to. You dance crazily along the night, unbothered by the constant updates of how the dance was going, or who was crowned queen or king, you simply don't care when you feel like you can rule the world in Renjun's arms.

#neoturtles #knet bakery #kokonomi #twozeronet #huang renjun #huang renjun imagines #huang renjun scenarios #huang renjun x reader #huang renjun angst #huang renjun fluff #huang renjun blurbs #huang renjun drabbles #nct #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct x reader #nct angst #nct fluff #nct blurbs #nct drabbles #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream x reader #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream blurbs #nct dream drabbles #daegall's timestamps!

[ry0chann]

🎁 with fitzgerald please that would be adorable 😭

yess i literally added this prompt with him in mind 😫

🎁 Christmas shopping

event // 500 follower event

paring // Fitzgerald x gn!reader

genre // fluff

wc. // 450

warnings // none

notes // sighhh, it's March, and i'm posting a Christmas fic... also, i tried to keep it really vague as to what you were shopping for. i had jewelry or purses in mind, but again, i left it vague

event m.list

It was common for him to spoil you, especially this time of year, knowing the holidays were right around the corner. He could've just surprised you with a present, which, knowing him he'd probably end up doing anyway. But he said he wanted to treat you today. "Consider it an early Christmas gift" he told you. Which is why you were here now.

"Which would you like, darling?"

The sound of his voice snapped you out of the trance you hadn't realized you were in. Softly, he touches your shoulder, only to further gain your attention. You turn to him, blushing softly.

"O-oh, no, I don't want anything here..." you say, averting your gaze from the display.

He gives you a look that implies he called your bluff. "Don't be silly. You were the one who wanted to come in here, weren't you?"

He was right, but it seemed you forgot how expensive this place was. An amused chuckle escapes him as he checks the price tag of both the items you were eyeing. They were a little on the pricey side, in your opinion, but he wasn't phased.

Francis places his hand at the small of your back, leaning in to kiss your cheek. "I'll buy them both, if you'd like." he whispers against your skin.

He never failed to fluster you, now not being an exception. Nervously you laugh, shaking your head at his offer. "No you don't have to, it's okay."

You weren't sure why you were being so reluctant. This wasn't the first time he's offered to buy whatever you wanted. Perhaps you were too modest. He wouldn't listen to you though. He's always said "if the money's there, it's yours to spend." And the money was always there. It's not like you were taking advantage of that. If anything, you were doing the opposite.

He waves his hands in disagreement to your claim, calling over an employee as well. "Nonsense. Whatever you want, is yours. You know this."

He kisses your cheek again, then stating to the worker what he planned to buy. They direct you to the check-out counter as they leave to grab your items from the back. You sigh, grabbing his arm and making your way to the register.

"Thank you..." you whisper, bashfully looking up at him.

"No need to thank me, sweetheart" Fitzgerald gives you a charming smile, kissing your forehead. "It's your early Christmas present, remember?"

He pays for your gifts, handing you the bag after you walk out of the store. "Merry Christmas my dear." He leans down a bit, kissing your cheek. "Don't worry about getting me anything, either. You're all I could ever want."

[ @irethepotato , @jessbeinme15 , @leviamere , @thepyroarchon , @arixsux , @beautiful-is-boring ]

#[ 500 event ] #[ drabbles ] #bungo stray dogs #bsd #francis scott key fitzgerald #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #fitzgerald x reader

[spidernerdsblog]

Wedding Shenanigans

A/N : Not me using my cousin's wedding as a plot for my fic. This has been sitting in my drafts for a while really didn’t have the nerve to post it. I’m still nervous tbh. Please don’t hate me if it’s bad my over dramatic ass just went a little overboard.

Pairing : Tom Holland x Indian! Reader

Summary : you are back home for your best friend’s wedding and Tom decides to accompany you.

Warnings : just over dramatic crap, sexual innuendos

Mini Playlist : Aa toh sahi, First kiss

(Note- As our country has a vast diversity of languages the italicized dialogues represents whatever native language you speak. I didn’t want to emphasize on a particular language.)

"You sure you wanna tag along?" you try to confirm with him again.

"Yeah I have never attended an Indian wedding before. Moreover I should have an experience you know for future just like Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra our grand wedding" he chirped. 

"We will be staying at my parent’s house so no room sharing with me" 

"What? Not again! But why can't I share a room? I mean your parents do know that we live together" 

"Yeah but that's India honey, no sleeping together before marriage" 

"I have to sleep all alone at night without you that's not fair" He whined.

"You can share a room with my dad then" you suggested.

"What? No not your dad" he gave a mortified look. 

"Why what’s wrong?'' you let out an airy laugh.

"I’m really scared of him" you chuckled at his confession

"What? Don’t laugh at me, he really intimidates me" 

"Well he is the only person who will decide to give my hand to you or not, so man up baby" 

"And it's just for one night then we will go to the resort where the wedding will take place. And there hopefully we can share a room or you can share a room with Rahul or the other guys. I'll talk to them about it.

"Not that chump!" he immediately protested.

"What is with you and him?" you chuckle.

"When the person is a potential candidate to steal your girl you have to be a little defensive" 

"God how many times do I need to tell you that we never had anything between us, he’s just my childhood friend." 

"You may not have but I have noticed the last time we went to visit your parents he is always trying to woo you and moreover you parents like him too" he grumbled.

"Aww someone is jealous" 

"I’m spiderman. Why would I be jealous? He says defensively, you smirk.

"Ok spiderman pack your things quickly"

You flew back to India the next day, you stayed the night at your parents house before leaving for the resort to attend your best friend’s wedding.

''Y/N!!" Your best friend squealed in excitement as she eagerly hugged you.

"Missed you so much. 

"Me too babe. Can’t believe you’re getting married. When did we grow so big?" you pout.

"Hey Y/N" 

"Hi Rahul. Missed you so much bro" you hugged him.

"Hey darling let's go to our room shall we? You must be tired" Tom eavesdropped in your conversation.

''Yeah I'm a little"

"Hey man how are you?" Rahul asked.

"I’m good, mate. Will talk to you later."

"Yeah sure, go take some rest" Tom literally dragged you away from him.

"What was that?" you frowned.

"Nothing" He said. You chuckled, shaking your head at your boyfriend’s possessive attitude.

After settling down in your room you went to freshen up. You stepped out of the bathroom drying your with a towel as you informed Tom.

"Okay so tomorrow is haldi" 

"What’s that?" 

"Well it's a ritual where we apply turmeric paste to both bride and groom, it is said turmeric improves your skin tone. I know it sounds stupid but age old custom so can’t be changed" you continued. 

"So don’t wear something expensive as the turmeric stain will be hard to remove. You will be with the guys I have told Rahul everything so you will not have any problem'' he rolls his eyes. 

"And please don't end up killing him''

The next morning after the puja was completed your best friend was made to sit on a seat decorated with flowers. As all the married women applied turmeric to her blessing her for a happy married life. Then came all of your turn. And you guys didn't leave a spot, painting her completely yellow. 

"Y/N come here let me apply some turmeric so that next will be your turn" a woman offered.

"No thanks I'm fine" you dodged her somehow. 

You went back to your room to change, Tom returned as well.

"You guys played quite a holi I see" you comment seeing his face and kurta painted yellow.

"Yeah but why didn’t you put that?

"I'll only apply only when it has been touched by my husband on my wedding day"

"Well I can help you with that" he backed you up against the wall caging you and slowly leaned down. You felt butterflies in your stomach as his face inched closer to yours, you thought he was going for a kiss as you parted your lips instead he tilted to the side brushing his cheek to yours and he did the same thing with your other cheek. 

"There you go" he maneuvered you to face the mirror and you saw turmeric paste on your cheeks. 

"Tom! Seriously? I thought-" you huff

"What did you think darling?" He whispers with  a sultry voice.

"Nothing!" 

"Someone is horny" He chuckles.

"Shut up you dickhead!" you snapped.

"But weren't you thinking about my dick in the first place?" He teases to annoy you even more.

"Ugh!! you know what Rahul is much better than you!" saying so you ran inside the bathroom shutting the door. 

"What? What did you say?" he heard your giggles from inside. 

Later in the day you were in the community hall of the resort with your friends discussing your dance performances.

"Guys we can’t let the groom’s side win do you get that?" you state.

"Chill Y/N we are gonna set the stage on fire" 

"So what songs are we gonna perform? And please no bole chudiyan" you quip.

"Dilli wali girlfriend?" one of them suggested.

"Yeah that will definitely be kept for the end other than that?" 

"Cutipie?" 

"Nah" 

"Deedar de? Odhani? Sawan mein lag gayi aag?" Everyone suggested in a chorus, someone even suggested ooh la la.” you facepalmed at the chaos. 

"Guys are you planning to seduce those pot bellied bald uncles and middle aged judgemental aunties over there?" everyone went silent as you continued

"No right? So please something sober and fun. These songs can be played in the after party when the main event is over" 

"Morni banke?" someone suggested.

"See now you’re getting it" After a lot of discussion finally you all agreed on some songs and started to choreograph the dance steps. Your eyes went to your boyfriend whom you had completely forgotten in the middle of this.

"You’re getting bored right? I’m so sorry babe this why I said you should pass this one out" 

"Hey no I’m fine plus I kind of figured out a little of your conversation, you are talking of some kind of dance competition" 

"Wow you are improving I’m so proud of you. And yes you’re right tomorrow we have sangeet at night and it’s a dance off bride vs groom and we are gonna smash them" 

"Oh you will, darling. How much of an aggressive competitor you’re no one knows better than me" He chuckles.

"Hey! I’m not aggressive" you protest.

"Do I need to remind you of the one time you were literally about to throw the controller at the tv screen after you lost a match of fortnite?" 

"Okay in my defense you cheated" you narrowed your eyes.

"No I didn't," He says haughtily.

"Yes you did, you distracted me-" you argue back.

"What did I do baby?" His voice was low as you remembered about the distraction he caused.

"Uh never mind" you stutter all flustered.

"Hey Y/N c’mon let’s practise" Rahul called you.

"What’s he gonna do?" Tom frowned.

"He’s my dance partner, I would have asked you but you don’t understand the lyrics well so"

"Yeah yeah I get it, now go" He said rolling his eyes.

You began to practice the dance for the sangeet it went on for sometime. But later everyone got bored to dancing to the same song so random songs were played

Sun baby deadly hai teri walk ni

Tere thumke bhi karte hai talk ni 

Ho dil kare dekhi jaun teri ore

Tu nazre mila toh sahi

Dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge

Tu ik vaari aa toh sahi

Dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge

Tu nazre mila toh sahi

Tu ik vari aa to sahi

You started to move your hips sensually as Rahul joined you too. His hands went to wrap around your waist which made Tom uncomfortable as his face tensed up. You were laughing and giggling unaware of Tom watching you with a pointed look as you both were getting too close to his liking. You looked over your shoulder to find a very displeased Tom. An idea crossed your mind as you waltzed your way to him.

Kab mummy daddy mere tu patayega

Leke band baja ghar mere aayegaKab tak mujhe aise hi ghumayega

Tu baat badha to sahi

Dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge

Tu ik vaari aa toh sahi

Dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge

Tu nazre mila toh sahi

Tu ik vari aa to sahi

Grabbing his hand you pulled him to the center your friends hooted and whistled. You began to dance around him and nudge his shoulder playfully before lacing your hands around his neck pulling him closer to you. You turn around your back pressed against his broad chest as you take his hands and place them around your waist and continue to sway against each other.

............

Next day your best friend was sitting in the courtyard surrounded by all the ladies. The mehendi artist drew beautiful and intricate patterns on her hand with the henna.

You and your girl gang got ready to perform for the occasion as the song ‘mehndi hai rachne wali’ started to play in the background. You all danced to the song gracefully. After the performance you all also got your mehendi done.

"Tom! Tom! Where is my food?!" You yell sitting on your bed with wet henna on your hands.

"Wait a minute my hungry devil" Tom comes with your plate of food.

"Seriously you just can’t wait for a few minutes" He huffs sitting next to you.

"I’m so lucky to have such a sweet and caring boyfriend" you gush. 

"Yeah yeah, now open your mouth" You do as he says. He brings the spoon near your mouth to pull it away immediately and eat the food himself.

"Tom!" You protest, he stifles a laugh. This is a nice punishment for you now cannot work your hands.

"Yeah very funny, don’t talk to me" You turn your face away from him annoyed.

"Hey I’m sorry, here take" He holds the spoon in front of you as you open your mouth to eat but that little fucker does it again going into a fit of laughter.

"You!!" You lift your hands to hit him.

"Ah, ah love don’t think of it or your artwork will only get ruined" He chuckles as you huff in defeat.

"Okay now c’mon, this time no pranks I promise" You frowned at him still dubious but this time he finally fed you. 

"You know they write the name or initial of your husband in this. I made the lady write your initial, think you can find it?" you looked at him with a  playful expression. 

"Is that a challenge, love?" 

"Well maybe" you shrug. 

"Then I fucking accept it!" He gets on to search through the intricate patterns drawn on your hand but soon he realized it was hard than he thought as he frowned.

"Don’t worry baby you have the whole day, you’ll find it eventually I suppose" You snicker.

Later in the evening the sangeet ceremony took place and as expected you guys won the dance off. After all the elders and children were done having their dinner and retreated to their rooms, the younger lot of you as decided earlier had your own kind of mini bachelor’s party with everyone ending up drunk. The boys were dancing on to some peppy bollywood item number, later you and your girlfriends took the stage as the music continued to play.

Ae Yo, Ae Yo

Seene Se Laga Ke Baahon Mein

Mujhe Le Lo

Jaldi Hai Kaisi

I Like It Nice And Slow

Your body swayed sensually as the guys hollered and cheered you girls with a few whistles.

Meri Heart Beat Fast

Aur Sab Lage Mujhe Slo-mo

Mujhe Slow-mo

I Want You Right Now

I Need You Right Now Come

You stretched your hand pointing your finger directly to your boyfriend motioning him to get up and come to you. He obliged with a smirk plastered on his face and strided towards you.

Hassa Hassa Ke Gaya Fasa

Tu Toh Dil Mera

Nasha Nasha Tera Chadha Nasha

Jab Dekha Chehra Tera

Meri Life Mein Yun Kar Gaya Kyun

Har Din Love Wala Season Tu

What You Gonna Do?

Jo Main Keh Du

Meri Heart Beat Ka Reason Tu

His hands rested on your hips as he knelt down to ear and whispered

"You really do like it nice and slow don’t you love?" you elbowed him playfully.

‘‘Fuck off!!’’

‘‘Ow!’’ He groaned chuckling.

…….

It was your bestie's big day as you were getting ready for it putting on your saree.

"Tom can you help me with the pleats of my saree please" 

"Sure darling" He squats down to gather the silky material of your saree, you smoothen the pleats as he holds them in place.

"Thanks hun" You tuck in the pleats inside your underskirt securing them with a pin.

"Anytime sweetheart" He stands up on his feet smiling.

You went on to do your makeup and were busy putting on your jhumkas when Tom’s eyes went to your reflection in the mirror. And boy he was mesmerised, you looked unearthly. He slowly walked to you resting his chin on your shoulder, his arms wrapping around your waist, the sweet scent of the jasmine flowers pinned to your hair intoxicating his senses.

"You look so gorgeous, darling." 

"Well thank you, love. You look no less handsome either" And it was so true he actually looked like a snack in that designer kurta. You turned to face him gazing into his soft brown eyes. There was a certain kind of flicker in his eyes which you knew all too well though you were tempted to give in but attending your best friend’s wedding was also important so you brought your hands in front of his face and shook your bangles the jingling  sound broke him out of his trance as he shook his head, blinking his eyes owlishly.

"Now who’s horny huh?" You teased.

"Shut up!" His face turned red all flustered.

"Aww it’s ok baby boy" You tease him even more.

"You’re so in for it later, Y/N" He warns playfully.

"Will see" You winked mischievously "Now c’mon let’s go" you walked out hand in hand towards the dias where the wedding nuptials were to be performed but had to stop on your tracks when you saw a group of aunties coming your way.

"Oh no! Aunties incoming just smile and greet them" You direct Tom warily.

"Do I need to touch their feet?" He asks nervously as you frown.

"No! That’s too much respect they deserve" 

"Y/N how are you?" One of them asked. "You’ve grown so big! You remember me right?" Another lady badgered you with more questions.

"I’m fine, how are you all?" You gave a broad smile as you yourself were confused who the hell they are.

"Everything is going fine for us. So happy Y/F/N is finally going to happily settle in her life, so when is your turn huh?" You gave a tight lipped smile having no clue what to answer.

"You know my sister’s son is in the government sector, a really nice boy and earns a very handsome salary you know if you want-" you cut her off immediately.

"Umm aunty, meet my boyfriend Tom" 

"Hello'' Tom greets them timidly.

"Oh hello-’’ she looked at him with a judgy face okay you kids enjoy then, let me see if anything is needed there or not" 

"Yeah sure" 

"What was she saying?" Tom asked curiously.

"Nothing just trying to set me up with one of her relative’s weird nerdy son" 

"What the-!!" 

"Relax she got her answer which is a clear no. Now let’s go and see the wedding" You went near the dais and observed all the rituals take place one by one. It was the time for walking around the fire for seven times as your best friend and her husband stood up and started revolving around the fire while you showered flowers on them along with everyone.

"Why are they circling around the fire?" 

"It’s quite similar to exchanging vows you see, the bride and groom promise each other to be together for seven lifetimes with the sacred fire as witness" you explained, Tom nods his head in understanding when something went through his mind.

"Y/N let’s get married" Tom says out of nowhere taking you by surprise.

"What?" You chuckle lightly.

"I'm serious Y/N, let's just get married like right now. I mean everything is set, you are dressed no less than a bride and I’m looking handsome as hell and we have a priest right there" 

"Ok Tom, I totally get what you’re saying. But honey, I don’t see a ring" you showed him your empty ring finger scrunching your face.

..............................................................................

Tagging some desi peeps I know here

@peaches-parker​ @parkerpeterparker2004​  @lokibuckylove6​ @calltothewild​

@mischiefmanaged011​ @parker--peter​ @starlight-starks

sorry if I bothered you.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland imagines #tom holland x reader #tom holland one shot #desi tumblr

[mypimpademia]

Worth It.

Shinso x reader

TW: Swearing, reader steals a man, pure bad bitchery

Note: this concept has been in my head for literal MONTHS and now I'm finally writing it bc i had no idea how to before (i still dont know how to write it as I'm writing this, I'm bouta wing it like a mf)

I made Intelli the mean girl for this fic bc she a bitch fr

A college AU but its hardly relevant + a lil smau

Towards the end of writing this, I started hating it. I'm so sorry😭

I recommend this song too bc this is where the idea for this fic came from:

This was getting annoying to watch.

How long was Hitoshi planning to stay miserable with that girl?

Intelli and Hitoshi have been dating for awhile now. You had honestly never liked her, but you just barely tolerated her for Hitoshi. But only a few weeks into their relationship, things went to shit.

Intelli became overly controlling over him, and even tried to force him to stop being friends with you, and some other people. You, being his best friend, told him to break up with her.

Of course, Hitoshi agreed that it'd be best to do that. But not even a few hours after talking to him about it, he came back to say it didn't go as planned.

Intelli was holding blackmail over Hitoshi's head, and posed a huge threat to his dreams of becoming a hero. Most of what she said she'd expose was no where near true, but with her intellect she could easily make people believe it.

But frankly, as their relationship went on, the sight of even a strand of her hair made you want to either puke or fight her.

"Toshi~" Intelli cooed, coming up behind Hitoshi and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Hitoshi visibly cringed, but tried to hide it as best as he could.

"Hey, babe." He boredly muttered, doing a terrible job at faking any enthusiasm.

Unlike your best friend, you made no effort to hide the disgust you held for her sheer presence.

"Y/n..." Intelli muttered, her tone dripping with distaste for you, making you scoff. "Mind if I steal Toshi for a bit? No? Thanks-" She attempted to drag Hitoshi away by the arm, but you placed a firm hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"I do mind actually, we were in the middle of a conversation before you interrupted." You told her. She chuckled, before tugging on Hitoshi's arm more.

"Yes, but he's my boyfriend-" She attempted to give reason for her to take him away, before even Hitoshi stopped her.

"I've got a project I need Y/n to help me on, I can stop by your dorm later though?" Hitoshi suggested, lying through his teeth.

Intelli's eyebrow twitched, but she gave in, letting go of his arm. "Bye, Toshi." She said, kissing Hitoshi's cheek and looking you up and down, before walking off.

"Sometimes, I can't tell if she's just plain a bitch or if she's secretly a dumbass." You sighed. "Maybe she's a little bit of both..." Hitoshi chuckled, making you laugh with him.

"You really need to find someone new." You told him, shaking your head. "I know, but I'd rather not chance losing my dream career." He groaned.

"True... Whats your type anyways? I know its not Intell anymore, she's probably traumatized you." You giggled.

"She did, but I think my type is someone who can really understands me, and someone I can have fun with." Hitoshi said.

"Like a best friend?" You questioned him. "Yeah, exactly like a best friend. That'd be my perfect version of a s/o." He replied, expression growing soft.

Since Intelli and Hitoshi's relationship had gone down hill, you've been there for him more than ever. It eventually lead to this unspoken romance that constantly roamed between the two of you.

But because of Intelli, neither of you pursued it, for the wellbeing of Hitoshi.

"Well, if I were you, I'd find someone and just make sure the bitch doesn't find out." You told him. But if you were being honest, it was more like a suggestion, because he really did need, and deserve someone other than Intelli.

"Like cheating?" He gawked. You were both thinking the same thing— Intelli would likely find out. But it was better than simply being stuck with her, so you nodded.

"Well, I'd at least make sure the other person knows. But it'd be worth it."

'I'm worth it.' You thought.

You sighed, looking down at your phone, the time on your phone displayed.

"Shit, I've gotta get to class, we've got a guest lecturing us and my professor will tear me a new one if I miss it." You told him, stuffing your phone into your pocket.

"See you later?" Hitoshi asked you.

You were about to say something about how he told Intelli they'd hang out later, but decided against it.

"Yeah."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

You sighed, feeling your tired feet throb as you walked down the hall to Hitoshi's dorm. Taking one of your backpack straps off your shoulder, you began rummaging around the pocket where you usually kept the spare key to Hitoshi's dorm.

You blinked, as you weren't able to find the key in the small pocket. You began searching your entire bag in the middle of the hallway, taking nearly everything out.

"Shit." You mumbled, thinking you had lost it.

Then you remembered, 'Thats right, I was in a rush this morning. Its on my desk.' You thought to yourself.

Like hell you were going all the way back there though.

You placed your items back into their bags, then pulled out your phone to text Hitoshi.

You hummed, rocking back and forth on your heels as you waited for the door to be opened.

A moment later, you heard the lock click, and the door swung open.

Hitoshi looked you up and down before smiling. Then looked both ways of the hall, before tugging you into the room and shutting the door.

"Why are you treating me like a side piece or something?" You questioned him.

He hummed in confusion as he locked the door.

"Does it feel like that? Sorry." He apologized. "What did she do this time?" You asked, referring to Intelli, as she wash the only person the put Hitoshi this on edge.

"She said if we were doing anything other than a project we'd break up, and you know what that means." He told you, shaking his head.

You hummed, and pulled out your phone.

"What are you doing?" He asked, peering over your shoulder.

"You'll see." You blunty told him.

You sent your message, and tossed your phone onto his bed.

You grabbed onto Hitoshi's collar, tugging him towards you so he was looking you in the eyes, making his breath hitch as his face tinted red.

"You're crazy if you think I'd get you snitched on." You playfully consoled.

"What did you do?" He questioned again, watching you flop down on his bed as you kicked off your shoes.

"I texted Monoma and Momo to post about a project on private snap that only has Intelli on it so that it'll be more believable." You told him.

Hitoshis eyes went wide, as he mentally questioned how you came up with that so fast.

You patted the space next to you, beckoning him to sit with you.

He sat down, shaking his head and laughing.

You and Hitoshi talked for hours and hours, but it each flew by. When you finally checked the time, you barely had enough time left before dorm visiting hours were over.

"What? Already?" Hitoshi gaped, as he watched you sling your backpack over your shoulder.

"Mhm." You hummed.

He groaned, clearly not wanting you to leave, but sat up anyways so he could come see you out.

Hitoshi unlocked the door for you, but upon opening the door, you were both met with an unwanted sight.

"Hey Toshi!" Intelli greeted, completely passing over you even though she saw you.

"H-hey, Intelli." Hitoshi spurred, trying to keep composure.

"I came to help on the project. Even Momo was complaining, so I thought you could use some help." She offered, clearly not convinced that there was actually a project.

But like you said, you weren't going to let him get caught.

"No, we finished it." You told her bluntly, folding your arms across your chest.

But clearly, Intelli didn't plan on letting up either.

"Well then, I could proof read the written portion." She insisted, taking a step towards you.

"We already did that already."

"Well I'm sure there are some mistakes."

"We triple checked."

Hitoshi looked back and forth between the two of you, silently preparing himself to break up a fight.

"You must not get what I mean—" Intelli straightened her posture more than it already was, and leaned towards you. "There's probably mistakes because it was you helping him." She mocked.

Hitoshi already had a hand reaching for your waist, ready to pull you back in a situation where you lunge at Intelli.

"You wanna talk about mistakes? How about we start with you, bit-" Before you could take a single step towards her, you were being pulled back by your waist.

"Watch your dog, Hitoshi." Intelli retorted.

Damn, was she lucky Hitoshi could hold you back.

"At least I bite, unlike some people." You shot back. She narrowed her eyes, leaning towards you again.

"Y'know Y/n, you're not as good as everyone thinks you are. Everyone thinks you're so great, and nice, but I know how you really are." She said.

"You only think that because everyone's not you. Its no goddamn wonder your blackmail folder is thicker than you." You hissed.

Intelli, clearly flustered that you even knew about her blackmail folder, stood straight again. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat slightly.

"You think youre so much better than me. A better person, a better best friend, you probably think you'd make a better girlfriend too, right?" She asked you.

"Of course I do, who the hell wouldn't?" You chuckled.

You felt Hitoshi's grip on your waist loosen. Either he was getting just as angry and was going to let you fight her, or he thought it the tension was thawing.

"Alright, since you're so much better than me, show me." Intelli insisted.

You smirked. "Alright, you asked for it."

Slipping out of Hitoshi's grip, you turned to face him.

His brows raised in surprise and confusion. And next thing he knew, you had him by the collar for the second time today.

But this time, your lips were pressed against his.

It took him a moment to process, but soon, he melted into it. Moving in sync with you, he placed his hands back on your waist.

As much as you wanted to continue, you still had to tell that bitch off.

Pulling away from Hitoshi, wiping away the string of saliva that connected your mouths, you turned back to Intelli.

You walked straight up to her, and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Toshi doesn't react like that when you kiss him, does he?" You hummed, hearing Intelli audibly gulp.

"Like you said, I'm a better person, a better best friend, and a better girlfriend." You repeated her words from earlier.

"I wouldn't lie to him, expose him, whether what he did was true or false, and i wouldn't hold him back from doing what he wants." You taunted.

"And the thing is—" You leaned in, next to her ear.

"I dont think it, I know it."

"I'm perfect for him." You whispered to her.

Intelli nearly toppled over in defeat, leaning against the nearest wall to support her body.

"Anyways, see you tomorrow, Toshi." You mused, before walking away.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

The next day, you met up with Hitoshi in your free time like usual.

You were aimlessly walking around campus, talking about random topics, laughing as you watched random people do stupid things, and just having fun.

Except now, you were hand in hand, and the air around the two of you seemed lighter. And the look of adoration you and Hitoshi shared was more evident.

But in the middle of it, of course, something had to happen.

Intelli had stopped you both in your tracks, her brainless groupies behind her.

"Did you know everyone is talking about you, Hitoshi? And with all the things they're saying... you might not be able to recover from it." She said snarkily.

"Not too worried about it actually." Hitoshi admitted, a slightly bored tone to his voice.

"Tch, well you should be. So tell me, was she worth it, Hitoshi?" She inclined.

Hitoshi looked over at you, a grin spreading across his face.

"Hell yeah."

#hitoshi x reader #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinso imagine #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinso x reader #bnha shinso x reader #my hero academia shinsou #shinsou headcanons #shinsō hitoshi #bnha shinsou #shinsou imagine #shinsou x y/n #bnha #bnha hcs #bnha headcanons #mha #mha hcs #mha headcanons

[buckysboobs]

i have many things to say today because i don't think i've had an adequate conversation with someone in days, so bear with me

was scrolling, saw this post, and my heart rate went up.. to the public eye, seb is the quiet, introverted boyfriend. but he holds all the power in the relationship. it might not seem like it to everyone, but there are strict rules on how you have to behave. he is the filthiest man alive and i will take no further criticism. always gripping your waist and putting you in place by discreetly whispering in your ear. he loves watching your face go hot and flustered after you know you've done something wrong, knowing the second you're alone... oh boy... don't let me go on. it wouldn't stop and i'm afraid of what i'd say, but his aftercare would be superior and he would be the sweetest, most caring, precious bean

now, time for today's mail

dilf. that's all.

all i'm asking for is this man to ruin me. hurt me. spit in my mouth. call me a braindead whore. choke me. degrade me. ANYTHING I WILL TAKE IT

this one does something to me

1. he eats pussy like a god 2. this look makes me quiver 3. him with lana is superior 4. i'm wet i will never get over this one

i'm stopping myself here before i go insane. i hope you're having a good week my love! remember to take care of yourself and let yourself rest because you deserve it xx

- edits dealer

oh my god why would you say this to me... the way i literally started shaking oh my god 🥴 it's exactly what i need. need me a big strong man who would take care of me and tell me how to behave but also treat me like a princess. it's what i deserve.

THEBDUDJD DILF LOOK YOU HAVE NO JDEA HOW NEEDY IVE BEEN ALL DAY. GOD

STEVE IS JUST SO.. I JUST need all of my favourite seb characters to come together and gang bang me.

ive been reading tf out of nick fowler fics and i need MORW. the edits are not helping at all.

seb to lana is quite literally otherworldly, she actually writes songs about him and she told me herself!! im obsessed oh mg god

im doing good baby, i hope you are too! love you lots, take care of yourself and stay hydrated <3

#my edits dealer <3 #that thing you said about sebastian is still echoing through my bones oh god thats exactly how i feel he would be

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights