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psychelis-new · 8 months

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pick a pile: "Your true colors - (5/7) Blue"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message for you from the color blue, the fifth of the 7 rainbow's colors. in this serie of readings about the rainbow's colors, I will try to channel about your true colors, so to help you look inside and see your most beautiful self, appreciate yourself more and hopefully provide some type of guidance if necessary. as cindy lauper would say: "your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow", so let's look at them and hear what they have to say to you and how they (you) can help you look at things in a more positive way.

blue is the color of intuition, inner peace, serenity, spiritual development, acceptance, truth, communication, expression, service, artistry, purpose (throat chakra)... in this reading, I'll try to analyze this side of your character.

you can find the other colors' readings in the pacs list in my pinned post

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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pile 1

I hear "turmoil". And I think your intuition may be a bit clouded atm. You feel anxious or frustrated at times and may even lash out easily. Ofc it's not good to lash out on others: I think you may accumulate stuff inside until you cannot hold it anymore and you just randomly throw it all on someone that may even not have any fault or may only say a little "wrong" thing. It's a human coping mechanism and you're not doing it on purpose so try to forgive yourself: yes, this person may ofc feel hurt and not everyone may understand your situation or forgive you, especially if it happens more than once, but it's okay to lash out in general so to not keep stuff rotting inside and make it worse. To avoid such situations, you can try to find other outlets for this mental frustration, and use them before getting to that point: eg. moving your body or singing/shouting into the void, punching your pillow.... Maybe you were the one being lashed on in the past and you kinda learnt this habit or maybe you just feel lonely and not appreciated, or you are exhausted also by people and trying to keep up with them. Psychologically, we lash out on others cause it gives us a sense of control that we may lack, but we can change this anyway: we can unlearn stuff with patience, forgiveness and kindness (with yourself) and through repetitions. Learn to communicate more about your stress, your insecurities and fears, your blockages. If not with others, at least with yourself. You are brilliant and sweet but your mind may have troubles processing stuff when you're being overwhelmed by emotions or too many informations, so instead of going full beast mode (one of the 3 usual humans' reactions to this type of situations, dw), trying to focus on one thing at time could be of help. Move your body first, to liberate from the excess of energy and then, focus on journaling maybe (or doodling some specific patterns/coloring). I do feel that writing down your issues and feelings may help you give you a different perspective and also put everything in line and get clarity about what's going on. I do feel that sometimes you may be the one putting stress on yourself by overthinking situations, words and imagining (it's not your intuition talking here but your fears) what others may think of you or how they may perceive you. It's like always having a background noise in your mind and after a while, ofc you cannot deal with it anymore. It's like always feeling wrong and out of place. I'm very sorry about this, you don't deserve it at all and I hope you can shut this overthinking down by realizing your worth never depends on others' impressions of you. Your worth is already within you.

I think you may also hear what you've been told while growing up or by other people pretty often: what they told you when you did something "wrong" or how you were wasting your time if you only needed to relax, or anything of this kind. Honestly, your inner critic may have learned a lot from them and how they easily and even harshly judged you. There's some unlearning to do here, and it's a lot about how you communicate also with yourself not just with others. It's about being kinder, more compassionate and seeing things and your needs for what they are: human stuff. If you need to lay down, you're not wasting time: you're simply recharging. And helping yourself to work in a more efficient way the moment you'll feel replenished. You don't have to drag yourself to the final line, you're not going to win anything this way, not even the approval of those people (would it really matter anyway? Or be worth of all your energy and mental sanity?). Procrastination (and the frustration that may originate from it) happens not when you're lazy but when your body feels in a threat: no matter how many things are piling up in your life, you cannot do any of those and feel guilty and shame yourself as you were in your past. But your body won't move: it's not lack of willpower it's just that your body blocked to conserve energies and survive. If you experience feeling exhausted (even after sleeping), lack of motivation, needing to lay down and even feeling detached from your body, it may be your body trying to protect you from danger, and it could be worth to try and listen to it and understand what is the danger it is perceiving; after this meditation/analysis period, try to walk or do some grounding/breathing exercise and set just easy tasks and complete them slowly to regain control of the situation. Also try to get back in touch with your physical body by touching/caressing and really feeling your movements: dancing (or yoga) is ideal, and you don't have to be a pro: just try and feel your whole body moving. Even the smallest part of it. Mind, body and soul need to come back at one. Don't hold it against you if you cannot do something, tell your mind to stop for a moment: try to follow your body's advice and act as a consequence. Acceptance (about the fact that you need to stop for a little or that you need to do something in a different way from the usual or treat yourself as any other human being -despite you may have lerned you're unworthy and useless) is indeed the key to unblock yourself at times and really move forward. You may also be able to connect better/again with your intuition after this. So yes, for every hars comment you feel telling yourself, try to add a kinder comment about anything you have done or you are. You're not just inherently bad as you were probably made believe and your mind is suggesting you by making every little negative thing look bigger than it is (normal minds' job: they need to protect you so they exaggerate everything to be sure you listen to them), nobody is.

song: you spin me round (like a record) | dead or alive

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pile 2

Dear pile 2, you seem melancholic or nostalgic. And as in the Green reading, you don't wanna share. I know it comes from your gentleness and deep empathy, but you're not being a burden tbh. I read a thing once and it said something like: "Do you like being of help to others and friends, right? It makes you feel good, right? If your answer is yes, then why you don't want your friends to feel good after helping you? Why you're not allowing them to feel joy after doing something good for you?". I think you're used to do things alone and it may be difficult for you to rely on others. To talk about your insecurities and fears, and dreams too... but if you don't share them, others may never know them. Not everyone is emotionally intellingent/intuitive as you. For some of you, there may be perfectionism issues and you may also project them on others which is blocking you from interacting on a deeper level. It's not you, nor them... and you can heal this. Your pile almost feels a mix of the other two piles tbh. And I cannot grasp it entirely... It feels as if you have decided on your own (even unconsciously, as if you were powerless or blind to see/consider anything else) that your present situation is what you're supposed to do and be, and if for some of you it is a good thing, for others (most of you) is just more like accepting a sad situation as in "I cannot change it, so I will do this anyway... it's my duty". It's like a sacrifice you're doing for others' good. And for as noble as it may seem and is your intention (behind it all), it's not going to do you any good nor make you happy... and you know it. Honestly, if you don't like this, if you don't want it, you can change it. You don't have to do anything for others, unless you actively want it. There's no such thing as being doomed to live in a certain way, unless... we fear the change. Unless we decide to willingly close off to what else is calling for us out of fear. Fear of making it, fear of not being good enough, fear of not deserving it, fear of being seen as "different" from how we're generally perceived and therefore judged, fear of not being liked, fear of ending up alone. Fear of the unknown, basically. Of not having control or of being certain of how it will go (while we know exactly where we are and how it is). But we cannot control everything in life... actually we can't control much, just ourself. And ofc we may need to make certain decisions out of need (money, eg.) but... it doesn't seem your situation (maybe just a few of you). I feel you may be used to downplaying yourself/needs and self sabotaging yourself. It's not your fault ofc, it's something you learned from your past (I am hearing gaslighting, and I'm so sorry), but your mind needs to unlearn that, or you won't be able to move away from there ever nor see your real self (ask for help/support if you cannot make it alone or it feels scary. Even ask to a friend or someone you trust... it's okay). You're probably very connected with the moon, maybe you talk with her or you're very deep and like to dig within yourself. Or it's a big part of your chart. Maybe you're a lone wolf, and maybe you even like that (or pretend to, as said). Or maybe it's your soul trying to tell you something or awake you to who you really are. Maybe some of you already know what I am talking about but cannot do anything anyway: I know, it's not easy to take action and change this mental pattern, it's more easy to tell yourself things like "It's not worth it, it'll never happen, it's not for me, what would it change, it doesn't matter, it's a useless effort...". But you can actually change everything you want to. You have such a power the moment you really put your whole self into that. And it matters. If it matters to you, then it's all worth it. Every little effort you take, even if you won't see results at first, it'll be worth it. And it'll take you where you want. At least, it'll show you your worth and deservance for something else, something (at least closer to what) you want.

I think the moon wants to guide you somewhere through your intuition, probably to your real self: you may have been fed lies for a lot, lies about yourself too, and you may have started telling yourself lies as well, to stay in the same place, to be in control (maybe where those who told you first wanted to keep you). Be more real with yourself. Talk with yourself and go deep within, have no fear of finding confirmation for what you already feel but are trying to push away out of that fear, finding excuses and telling yourself lies. Telling yourself "it's okay/better this way, it's fine, I'm good" when you're not. You're so amazing pile 2... don't push this away.

You know it's all for you, you know it. You are beautiful and deserve more. Trust yourself, in particular trust your heart and your guts. I do think that you should trust your emotions more instead of closing them off and analyze them through your mind's filter. Your mind can be biased by all that has learned from others (eg. people pleasing is good when it's not), from the past, but it's not about others and the past, it's about you now. You know that there's something off in this situation you're in and trying to accept, so don't close off to the chance that you can change it, that it can be different, and that you don't have to accept it unless you really (be objective) want it. No matter if someone will be upset by this decision: it's your life, and if they love you, they'll understand (if they don't love you... It's not your people, you don't need them in your life, they won't bring you any good -sorry to be harsh but... it's better to stay alone for a while than to be with people who only use and abuse you). You only have to be yourself in this life, and not someone you're not. And being you, exactly you, trust me, is great. You have such a big heart and open mind (use 'em for yourself too)! I think you believe you are at peace now but it's a fake peace, it's a peace that comes from tranquillity and not having to deal with fears or not having to make decisions on your own and take responsibility for them: some of you may leave decisions about your life in the hands of others, maybe your caregivers (but they may not really know you well cause you aren't... able to speak your truth with them? All out of fear again, of not being "able" to make good decisions for yourself when you totally are). Anyway this is not the real inner peace your soul may be looking for. I do think you're here for something more, something big too actually (whatever you may consider big), and you feel it too. You're not here to do something that others may like, but you're here to do something you like and some others may appreciate too or be thankful for. Maybe not everyone and that's fine, but you'll find your people. You're here to find your purpose, even if it'll take a lot of time and you'll have to try many different roads before getting there (or maybe bravely do just what your souls is asking you to do). And make mistakes or experience some failures (sometimes we fall while running, but we can get up and run again: we don't always get harshly hurt and have to interrupt -you will be able to decide when it's time to give up if necessary). You're not here to live the purpose of anyone else or to let anyone else tell you what's your purpose: that's only your own soul's call. Others cannot know it unless you unleash it freely. Talk with your mind, please. There's so much potential within you (also in arts I hear -I do feel for many the issue's about career/studies), there's so much willpower and joy... don't be blind to it all.

song: because of you | ne-yo (first lines in particular)

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pile 3

Your pile is the one of those who are trying and choosing calmness over the agitation of life and their mind -or should. You could be very spiritually gifted or just very in tune with your spiritual side or the 5d. You like to take time for you, to meditate, to ponder... or again, you should. You may get downloads from the 5d pretty often, even if you're not aware of them yet, or always.. or you may occasionally block them even unwillingly (maybe cause of fear of the unknown or of receiving the wrong info or of how others would see you or think of you if they knew; or maybe you lack trust or something -could be a religious trauma too). You may doubt about your connection with the 5d or your abilities if you are into divination of any type. And you may not trust your intuition that often even if I think it's pretty on point. You have reached (or are going to reach soon) some type of inner peace (and clarity that will come from it) and this will help you a lot for your future endeavours, even those related with spirituality. I also think you may have undergone a spiritual awakening of sort and probably are taking some time off to recover from it and all the ups and downs it brought in your energy and mind/life. You may also be artists or love arts (and honestly working on something artsy of your like could help you find calmness and clarity too and maybe get clearer downloads too). I do feel lot of peace in your energy, it feels like floating on water, reconnecting with the self... Maybe you're called to do this if you're not there yet, if you are still confused at least here and there. Take time for you, to immerse yourself in a peaceful environment (maybe even in a pool of water or the sea or in a tub) and just stay there for a while and feel the water clense your energy, your mind and your whole self (if you can/are able to, you can literally go underwater for a moment and enjoy the silence there). Take time to disconnect from the rest, from all that is just bothering you and your energy (energy vampires for some). Reconnect with your core and your intuition, meditate near/under water. Feel your heart beating, focus on it.

You may experience occasional blockages in your communication (also your daily one, not with the 5d as mentioned): you may not always remember the word for something or feel like your mind may go blank here and there (especially during Mercury rx). This could make you retreat from others at times and not feel confident enough to be seen/share stuff (fear of making mistakes and look "stupid"/feel unworthy: you're not that, my love. Not even if you are used to get talked over or interrupted or not listened to. Please start talking and sharing what you want, it's ALL important stuff -especially if related with spirituality-, even the weirdest things: they're part of you and so very important and cool. If someone doesn't listen, find someone else: it's not you the "problem" but who you talk with; also be your own trusted audience: it starts with you, with giving yourself the right attention and importance. And trust. I mean, you're amazing, don't fear to be seen). Yes, it could be also because of some type of inner turmoil/doubt/insecurity so again, try to find some balance, and reach that inner peace you so deeply need. It'll bring clarity also for what's ahead and for the decisions you may need to take soon (can't be clearer, sorry, but there's something ahead and you may get infos after meditating). I think you may be often distracted by something/keep yourself occupied and moving from a thing to another almost restlessly: it could be your mind trying to avoid thinking about something specific (maybe your insecurities' source: if you slowed down you would be obliged to analyze it, and... tbh probably you should do it now before moving forward in your life -reminder you don't have to do it alone anyway) or it could just be that you don't really know what to do and/or who you are, and are trying different things. It's not bad per se, it's good to experience different things actually as you may get a proper feedback on them and decide if you really like them or not, but maybe after a while of no result/feeling nothing, you should try and realize which is the thing that really calls you instead of losing time and energy around (trying to make everyone else happy): working so much in so many directions (or with so many people telling us what to do/asking for help), won't always bring us answers. Especially if we're giving ourself away to others or helping others first. Try to go slowly for a while, and be open to any message that may reach you at that time of meditation. It's okay to stop at times, to take a breath: you're not running out of time. Take care of yourself now, treat yourself to some time off and get comfortable with yourself and your own emotions as they may just trigger you or overwhelm you very easily sometimes. Clarity is really just around the corner, is really there, behind all the noises that you may get from the more external parts of your mind, the ones you pay the most attention to during your daily life, the ones that listen to others much more than to yourself and your needs. You just need to find some peace and calm, to be able to see beyond those noises, to dig between them and get your answers. To trust and listen to yourself only. You're a beautiful talented soul, you deserve more, especially from yourself. Dogs/horses may be omens for you or may bring messages if you dream about them (you can check on Google some meanings also according on colors/breeds), or maybe they're your Chinese horoscope signs.

song: hrs & hrs | muni long

#pick a pile #pac #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a photo #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #free tarot reading #tarot readings #intuitive readings #psychic readings #clairs readings #divination #colors readings #tarotcommunity #tarotblr

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snellyfish · 1 month

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Why is Angie your favourite character?

This is really funny I just got off call with Glownary and was talking about how much I don't miss Danganronpa discourse. Anyway I hope someone finds a way to get mad at me in this post!

((Admittedly I'd probably actually place Korekiyo above her because he ACTUALLY has a relevant and specified canon story,,, but, y'kno))

Plain and simple, she just has a handful of design and character tropes I super adore in characters! As a base, I'm usually not super into,,, well-adjusted, well-liked , reasonable, and rational characters. LMAO. They're fine but I live for exaggeration. I LOVE when they're little freaks and not watered down at all for the viewers sake/comfort, I love when they (both the writers and the written) just keep twisting the knife for no good reason other than the bit despite how unconventional it may be.

One could argue that her not being watered down and being as shitty to the other players as she is is a trauma response, or just a mentally ill person being mentally ill. It can be neat to think of her that way sometimes! It's of my opinion that almost all Danganronpa characters are super open-ended lore/personality-wise and we as fans are just making up canon as we go because it's FUCKING FUN, and, as such, all the ways that Angie can be interpreted is very interesting to me-- EVEN if that's seen as "the irredeemable annoying religion-force-feeding zealot antagonist." Which is, of course, an objectively awful way to view anyone REGARDLESS of media illiteracy, but, you know! I like weird freaks so this "flaw" they see is simply more food for me. Yippee!!

Whether I think she's canonically A) genuinely malicious and sadistic, B) traumatized from an abusive religious sect, C) honestly caring about the other players, and/or D) none/all of the above? I'll never tell! Oops all bangers!

Tropes I enjoy, whether or not I found myself enjoying them BECAUSE of Angie herself;;

Religion, especially if it's horrifying and...bad! (Most of my own characters deal heavily with religion and religious trauma, I think it's cool to play with, whether or not it's a fantasy religion like I think Angie's is)

CULTS! Cult behavior! Let's live in a commune!! (GUYS I LOVE MIDSOMMAR)

Dark skin / light hair contrast color combo goes hard!!!

+ The pansexual flag palette is literally my favorite color combo ever!!!!

Manipulative little shits!!!!!

Small scary women!!!!!!

Islander stuff, it's very nostalgic to me and I just have a deep love and appreciation for the beach and ocean!!!!!!!

Piercings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cutesy sunshine character who could and would stab you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDK HOW THIS WASN'T MY FIRST POINT!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE'S JUST FUCKING SILLY!!!!!!!! SHE'S GENUINELY SO FUNNY AND CUTE ESPECIALLY IN HER INTERACTIONS WITH SHUICHI!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was an IMMEDIATE favorite when I played V3 and when I found out that, like, everyone fucking HATED her and she's probably the least liked character in the entire class by the fans, my brain immediately went the contrarian route to find reasons to like her even MORE. I tend to do this a lot, but when it's a character I already enjoy, it's even worse, dude.

ummmmm obligatory Shinnaga mention sorry but I frequently tend to appreciate a character a lot more based on potential dynamics alone. Ships, romantic or not, have legitimately gotten me to enjoy characters I hated before, based on interesting interactions unique to them alone. So while Kiyo and Angie's (they're making out btw) ingame dynamic and dialogues aren't REALLY what my sick and twisted mind views them as, it's worth noting that my honest belief and interpretation of the two of them could even give me a sliver of that dynamic being possible .......... means she's fuckin slay ............ it means love wins..... It means Vote For Yonaga 2024

#angie yonaga #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #character analysis #idk #ask #anon

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blurryfangirlansuke · 2 months

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Now you maybe wondering that about me being absent one of them is college I can't control that it depends on my degree and planning what I want to do in my adult life. Also I want to get this out of my chest. I'm perfectly fine when people tell my obsession with Duke goes too far causing me to lose friends or just being all over a character that doesn't exist. I understand and I do apologize if I make feel people uncomfortable and when ask people if they can draw myself and Duke together they don't have to I make it very optional and I have plenty of other characters to simp for but Duke is #1 he'll always be. He's the reason why I'm being stable from being lonely and stress between reality and trying to become independent. It's not easy when your autistic and have social anxiety and learning different ways of how to do things. Duke is a comfort and I believe everyone should have a comfort character if not then perhaps your best friend or family .

Whenever I see a picture of Duke or art heck even gifts people draw for me it makes me touched and happy because I love this vampire and yes he's fictional but it's fun to simp and also appreciate the creator who put there heart and soul making characters to adore and even be interested with there stories and series.

Another thing I get so happy is when I commission the creator of the series Duke's plays the lead one along with Missi the vampire who tolerates him. The creator absolutely knows me so well and always spoils me with amazing commissions of me and Duke also she's close and appreciates fans like me for liking character such as Duke . Also buying loads of merchandise from the creator's store and main do I go buck while on everything worse then going to a barns and noble xD.

I am a busy person who gets free time and sometimes not so much. I'm working on my degree, learning the good and bad things in life even if I don't understand. I attend to also write my fanfics whenever I get the chance to take a break on drawing nonstop art of Duke. It also gives me ideas for myself if I ever want to make a character of my own and I know one day the character is going to be inspired by many artists I admire if you see what I usual post xD.

I have dreams of being with Duke in real life like he stays with me in my campus, we go for nightwalks, I lay in his coffin or king size bed and talk for hours. I wake up and he's not there with me. I know this feeling is loneliness which I'm use to since I have a hard time reaching out to people and the art I do might probably not spark interest. I miss my sister who's in college we have a great bond, I love my parents always support me, I have friends and fans online here that support me.

However I really wish I didn't feel this way. I know I attend to seek help with my advisors or talk to my sister it does help. I'm not normal and then okay because hey we all special and unique in our ways. Duke is fictional but he's my happiness and true comfort and I'll always love him even if I want to strangle him.

Yes I've been a little depressed and overwhelmed but that's life we have our good days and bad days. Crying does help me let everything out and start a better day. Eventually this blog will also get more hearts soon and also I have to be present for that to happen which I try. I appreciate you listening to me and I don't want end things sad especially since this is me and Duke's month so I made a healing art piece and color it about us. I really appreciate the support and love you all give me. This helps me to stay motivated and keep going. Don't worry I'll post more things and happy stuff. Letting this vent things pass.

Thank you for listening and much love you all Spooklings 🥰

#dukevampair #duke #mental health #support artists #underated #thevampairseries #mypersona #doodles #fanwork #thankyou #februaryart #blurry #ansuke #young artist

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chinchillasinunison · 1 month

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Gonna post something cringe 👍 I was thinking about all day yesterday and I posted it in the group chat but bwaah I'll put it here too

so here's how I think the Ishimondos would interact with the Welcome Home cast

Firstly, Mondo would fucking love Barnaby so much. He is not immune to big fluffy doggi. And I think he'd jive with his chill, friendly attitude. Taka meanwhile would definitely get caught on the other end of Barnaby's punchlines and he would not appreciate it. He's a very easy target.

Mondo would also like Wally but in more of an "holy shit a little guy, must protect" sorta way. He asks Wally how he does his hair and Wally says it's always like that.

Taka and Frank are autism-to-autism communication. Could listen to each other infodump about politics and bugs respectively for hours. Also, both of them relate to the need for things to be "just so" and trying to maintain that order among the colorful personalities around them. They're so similar that Mondo finds it kinda off-putting.

Poppy and Taka get along great. I think he would help her a lot with cooking while maintaining such proper safety procedures that she's downright impressed and her anxiety is kept to a minimum, which is pretty rare. Does that thing with making star-shaped riceballs but with fuckin. bird seed. he would definitely still eat it too.

Neither of them would like Sally Starlet, I'm afraid. she's way too self-important for both of them to handle. She would definitely call Mondo "biker" as a sign of disrespect like how she calls Eddie "mailman." She actually is interested in Kiyotaka because he's clearly a very skilled orator, so she sees potential in him as a thespian.

Julie would steal Mondo's bike and ride it around the neighborhood for one of her games, giving just about everyone else a heart attack but ESPECIALLY Mondo. Her antics are the only ones that get him yelling like he usually does.

I feel like they'd both get along well with Eddie, Eddie's just a very easy guy to get along with. Kiyotaka would respect his work ethic and be very "Thank you for your service! 🫡" about it, and Eddie finds it a bit odd if endearing. Eddie would almost get hit by the above-mentioned bike tho.

If they went to Howdy's Place you'd bet your ass they wouldn't be able to buy shit. When they find out that the currency is jokes Kiyotaka tries to tell one and he gets fucking. banned for life. this is the "it'd be hard to sleep with a corpse in your bathroom" guy after all. he'd probably say the darkest shit ever that would make his jaded cop dad chuckle but would send this caterpillar puppet into an emotional crisis.

Finally, last but not least is Home himself. Kiyotaka would find a sentient house incredibly fascinating, I think. He'd probably ask Wally a lot of questions about it that Wally doesn't really know how to answer (or he keeps getting cut off by everyone else's antics before he can say it). Mondo meanwhile would find it creepy as fuck.

#danganronpa #welcome home #kiyotaka ishimaru #mondo owada

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eyedelater · 1 year

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yakuza like a dragon post

i went to a store and bought neo TWEWY, and then instead of playing that, i bought Yakuza: Like a Dragon (yakuza 7) on steam because it was on sale and started playing that. now it seems like i'll be playing this game for the rest of my natural life because the amount of stuff to do is simply limitless. so that's bad news for my copy of neo TWEWY, but good news for me?

naturally, this post is going on my anime blog because the game is originally in japanese. i have the audio set to japanese, and it's very educational. the japanese voice actors are all quite good. kasuga's voice actor is fantastic. and at first i didn't have that many thoughts worth recording about the game, but now, several have built up, and i need somewhere to put them. i should note that i've never played any other yakuza games, but i understand that they are generally well-loved by everyone… maybe? i've only ever seen tiny snippets of gameplay footage from the other yakuza games, so i have no idea what their gameplay is like. if you have to aim a gun with your joystick, i'll never play them.

good first impressions. i LOVE a minimap. i LOVE a minimap that is set to north-up and is always on. if i ever got some stupid shit like google glass to put a GUI on my everyday life, i would put a north-up minimap corresponding with my GPS location. (ok maybe i wouldn't want it tracked constantly. but still.) on my in-game minimap, kasuga is a big arrow, and his party members are little arrows, just like a duck and ducklings. i'm running around leading my little ducklings all around yokohama. because i'm trying to make kasuga the best man he can be, i usually make an effort to have him navigate the sidewalks in a polite way. i want him not to crash into other pedestrians even though he is tall and imposing and his hitbox is very wide. so i skillfully dodge between all the pedestrians to avoid making them shout. but despite my best efforts, i hear all my little ducklings behind me crashing into every pedestrian i managed to avoid. my little ducklings are so clumsy.

i did the side quest where you lead the bubble man to a clothing store. i didn't like that duckling.

the hitboxes on items and vending machines are Absolutely merciless, and because the interact button is also the run button, i keep breaking into a run and crashing around instead of picking up the item. there's just no way for kasuga to look cool when trying to interact with something.

you might not know this about me, but in my view, the best video games allow you to run fast and jump high regardless of the circumstances. so i can't deny that my heart sank when i found out that this game has no jump button whatsoever. i will do my best to see past this obvious deficit.

this game has such a good sense of humor. it's ridiculous and not overly negative despite some terrible things happening. i laughed out loud at the cheerful little tune when someone joins your party. i love the wholesomeness of kasuga just trying to be the best man he can be and become a real-life hero. the way side quests always devolve into violence and then the problem is always solved by a beatdown is too funny. the absurdity and good humor puts it on a level that is not too far from golden kamuy, in my opinion. i'm not especially far along as i write this (saeko just joined my party), but i really think this game might be a treasure. and i have to say that if i hadn't been really into golden kamuy immediately before playing this, i might not have been in the right mindset to appreciate cute ossans like this. i like the audacious decision to make your party primarily out of down-on-their-luck 40- and 50-somethings, and i love the audacious decision to have them do cute things like become best friends and earn vocational school certificates and plant little gardens. (if i apply the COCK test to this game, it passes 3 points with flying colors: completely unhinged, offends the church, kicks ass. it might be deficient on the Creatures point unless you count the catchable bugs, which barely count due to their pure normalness, or sujimon, which barely count due to their humanity.)

i've learned that these vocational school certificates don't fuck around. however, i'm determined not to cheat or look up answers. (eventually i decided to savescum, but only a little.)

i was thinking it's really hard to do anything to improve kasuga's personality, but then i finally unlocked the part-time hero quests and like 50 achievements hit at once and he became 5 times the better man instantaneously.

i love nanba. he's the best. i love his frown and his slouch. his deadpan voice is the best. i love his finishing attack that knocks him flat on his ass. i'm trying to get lots of side quests done in between main story points because i don't know when i might lose access to this map like i lost access to the kamurocho map, but i can't get emotionally closer to nanba without advancing the main story more. i need that, and that's why i'm advancing the main story. (the fact that getting closer to him is tied to story progress might indicate that he's going to be an especially long-lasting member of your party…)

nanba has the highest of whatever stat makes you go first in battle, but he seems to be the slowest of my ducklings when it comes to keeping up with running kasuga, so it happens over and over and over that kasuga aggros the enemies and then nanba is like "all right, it's my turn!!" but he's like 30 feet behind or around the corner and has to run a little while everyone waits for him.

i work with homeless people in my day job, and i think this game portrays them somewhat cruelly… i have really mixed feelings about it… like the narrative puts in effort to be like, "everyone has their own reasons for being on the street and it's not as simple as going and getting a job," which is true! and it includes the obvious fact that not having a home is a gigantic obstacle to getting a job. (hot tip: you will have trouble getting a normal job if you don't have somewhere to take showers and do laundry, because otherwise, you will stink too much for anyone to hire you. and if you have a very small income, are you going to spend it on doing laundry often enough at the laundromat, or are you going to spend it mostly on food? and are you going to spend it on thrifty foods like dry beans and pasta to boil up at your nonexistent stove, or are you going to buy more expensive fast food and gas station food that is immediately available? it all comes together into a big vicious circle that is incredibly difficult to escape without outside help, no matter how badly you want to work. yet many people fail to consider any of this and act like homeless people are some kind of mess to clean up.) but despite that, the game also implicitly and explicitly makes fun of homeless people a lot ("battle bum" and "hungry hungry homeless," "homeless guy" as a job class, nanba's bad breath attack and pigeon attack [even though i love his pigeon attack], weird implication that there's a Leader at the homeless settlement that everyone respects). and it does seem to completely ignore the fact that drugs and mental illness generally factor into homelessness in a major way. (maybe it's different in japan? i don't know a single thing about the drugs situation there. but i can't imagine the mental illness situation is too different.) i don't know. you can't expect every depiction to be perfectly respectful, especially in a very silly game like this. but i think it's not good to ignore the disrespect. this is something i'm still chewing over. all the outfits are exactly right though.

is there a mod where you can give kasuga a giant white cravat so we can acknowledge how much the color of his outfit reminds me of miles edgeworth

i noticed that sometimes kasuga has nothing in his unbuttoned shirt except his cleavage and other times there's a red scarf thing there. what's up with that? oh, is it when he transforms into a Hero and that means his outfit changes slightly, just like how nanba puts his hood up? [note added in later: yes.]

i have unlocked many things such as gardening and part-time hero quests, but i still don't have anything to do with the extremely burgeoning pile of crafting materials i have been amassing this entire time. i could build a hosue with all this shit.

classifying other humans as sujimon is interesting. it's true that if you're out in the real world you may come across someone and it's like, "have i seen this person before? no… i've just seen another of the exact same Type of Guy." i myself am of a certain Type that old people mistake for their niece. of course, it's kind of bizarre and messed up to classify sujimon as if they're something other than human. but it is funny. (and in this case, the "mon" isn't short for monster but rather for mono 者, which can be a word describing humans.)

some of these cutscenes are incredibly long. i like to listen carefully to the japanese lines as if it were a listening exercise. based on my listenings, i would say they did a good job with the translation, though it's clear they decided to lean very much in the direction of "getting the connotations across and making it sound good in english" and away from "translating literally exactly what they are saying." because of my personal taste, i tend to be a stickler for leaning toward the latter (with allowances for making it sound good in english), but that's just a matter of poetic license. there are some lines i would have translated quite differently, but that's only a result of my own oversized ego. overall, they did a better job than i could have. obviously. i also noticed in the cutscenes that there are often unnaturally long pauses between the lines but that you can make them shorter if you press the A button? maybe to give you, the viewer, time to process? seems weird though. [note added in later: i think that was my computer struggling to load the cutscene. so instead of having huge loading times in between cutscenes, they have little tiny loading times in between all the dialogue? seems like something like that. this is the most demanding game i've ever tried to run on this computer.]

adachi is constantly saying, "koshi ga haru ze." i think it's "haru," but i'm not sure. "koshi" means "hips," and he's an old guy, so it's probably something about his hips aching. but i can't quite figure out the verb. is it haru as in "to stretch or strain?" i guess that would make sense. or is it a different verb and i'm mishearing? my auditory processing is somewhat notoriously poor. anyway, whatever he's actually saying, i kinda want adachi to shut the fuck up about his hips.

i basically never play games where the characters are meant to be photorealistically rendered. there is not one such game that i have played through to the end. i just prefer cartoonier stuff for various reasons, not the least of which is the uncanny valley of almost-realistically rendered human faces. this game definitely, absolutely has that uncanny valley factor, but i can overlook it. it's refreshing to see character designs that are just people.

i can't believe there's DLC for this game. how could i possibly ever run out of stuff to do. how could i possibly ever run out of stuff to do (a second time for emphasis)

crashing into people on a real-life sidewalk "sorry ma'am, my hitbox is just-- oOF, excuse me, i'm so sorry, it's my hitbox--"

i'm not pumped for this business management minigame. i saved right after we set things up with nick ogata and then stopped playing for the day. i'm too exhausted today to try it… i hope there's an easy way to do the necessary part and then i can forget about it because it doesn't seem fun… can't i just pawn this off on nick ogata right away? by the way, i had to check if nick ogata's name used the same kanji as That ogata, and it does. so i guess it's a name that exists and has the "tail" kanji in it for real, rather than noda-sensei unusually spelling an existing name with a "tail" kanji for hyakunosuke because he's a cat.

they had a moment of minor fanservice after everyone took a bath and saeko was sitting with her cleavage out. but then in the same scene was kasuga's entire boobs. that's balance.* no one can make complaints on any side there. maybe the complaint is that we didn't see nanba's. though i'm quite sure his torso would be unexceptional. but that's why i want to see. look, this is not for my sexual gratification. i just think it's funny how showing a man's entire boobs is totally allowed, and i want to see. (golden kamuy got me used to being allowed to see.)

(*is it?)

i don't want to see adachi's boobs.

i was like "it's so hard to find bugs :( they only spawn on a tree once every 5 hours of play" but then i went to hamakita park and ran around in a field catching bug after bug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do these various chinatown bun vendors know that their prized proprietary recipes are so similar to each other's offerings that their buns stack together in my inventory

playing in fullscreen, having various thoughts, but this .txt is behind the fullscreen so i can't click away to it. finish playing for the night. forget everything i was going to write.

i historically spend most of my computer time in the web browser without minimizing and may go weeks without looking at my desktop. but when i do rarely play a PC game, i open it by going to my desktop where i have plonked the game's icon. so lately, i'm seeing my desktop much more often. my desktop background is that color page of tsukishima and koito from volume 24, and lately i see it every day. my boys are here to ground me with their serious looks.

right before we got access to the romance workshop, it was like, "this is a great way to repurpose our old items instead of shelling out huge amounts of cash on new ones!" but i have to shell out monster amounts of cash to upgrade the workshop.

one of these days i have to give nanba a new job. i think kasuga will remain a hero, and i don't know about the others, but nanba needs a job other than homeless guy because he needs a new outfit. maybe he'll have more good attacks too. his flame breath is a little frustrating because it's really hard to get him and the enemies in the right position so that it hits more than one enemy. when i feel like i have them in a good position for his flame breath, he decides on his own to run 20 feet closer so that he can only hit one enemy after all.

i want to appreciate the game for all it has to offer, but i'm not very interested in learning how to play all these real-life card games and mahjong. i mean, i know how to play blackjack. knew. it's somewhere in there. i've tried the darts, baseball, and golf minigames. they're fun enough. haven't downloaded the slots minigames. but i don't really want to play cards.

ichiban calls saeko "sacchan (さっちゃん)," but they romanized it as sa-chan. that's fair, given that "sac" is an english word that we don't especially like. and romanizing "sacchan" as the also-phonetically-accurate "satchan" would mean the T appears out of nowhere, so it's not a good option in this case.

i'm SO glad this game doesn't run on real time or abbreviated time or any semblance of realistic passage of time (unlike persona 4). i don't have to ration my side quests or relationship growth based on how much time is left in the day (unlike in persona 4). i won't miss out on important things because i ran out of time or accidentally missed a deadline for that particular date (unlike in persona 4).

my dear nanba killed me once. he can save me, and he can kill me, but only the saving matters to the narrative; no matter how many times he kills me, it is erased. that is his conundrum as a character in a video game with a predetermined plot. anyway, i bought him an expensive weapon, and he killed me with it. it was already somewhat late at night in real life when it happened, so after that, i spent the rest of my time before bed upgrading my weapons and grinding a little in preparation to kill my dear nanba. the game didn't want me running all around ijincho in between fighting the wrecking ball and fighting nanba, so it disabled the taxi service, but i can't be stopped. i ran all the way across town and back to get vegetables so the master could make me some bentos. and i came across hiro's missing cat at hamakita park, so i got a million yen to upgrade my weapons and armor. and now, the next day, after thinking about it all day, it is just about time to kill nanba. but he'll be okay, and then he'll rejoin my party where he belongs.

i killed nanba very easily. i didn't need to use any of the master's bentos. nanba was okay, but he still didn't come back to my party yet. but that's okay. he'll keep gaining XP in the background, and in the mean time, we have a new little duckling. i really wish joon-gi had some attacks that affected the whole crowd of enemies, since he has the highest agility or dexterity or whatever makes him attack first, and when you attack first, the enemies haven't had a chance to spread out yet, so that's when you want to do a broad attack… maybe if he levels up a bit…

i've been watching someone play paper mario lately, and i keep thinking, i wish i could put my party members in my pocket so i don't have to worry about my 2 or 3 incredibly clumsy ducklings constantly crashing into everyone and everything and me as i navigate the crowded city.

nanba came back sooner than i thought. he didn't even have time to get a new outfit like i thought he might. but i guess when you're a level x homeless guy as your job, you can't just get a new outfit even if you meet your brother off-camera and solve your emotional difficulties. also, when nanba came back, sacchan got put in my pocket! so they can be put in my pocket while i run around! but then they won't help me fight.

when i first started playing, i thought the danger level indicators were like the wantedness indicators in GTA, like that's how hard the police are going after you and it's based on how many crimes you commit. but it turns out that there are no consequences and in fact many rewards for beating up endless chinpiras in broad daylight.

joon-gi's voice actor is quite good. i enjoy his polite speech. and despite his calm demeanor, when he attacks, he often lets out a very powerful TSERYAAAA!!!! that feels kind of uncharacteristic but very amusing

i got sick of trying to be nice walking on the sidewalks. now everywhere i go is a chorus of UWOs and KYAs and WOTTOs. it's not my fault my hitbox is wide and my ducklings are so bad at pathfinding. when i break into a run, they also break into a run and loop around to run directly in front of me from a 90 degree angle. i keep getting t-boned by my own ducklings. and then they make a complaining noise.

i'm gonna go to isezaki ijincho just to visit the several large SEGA-branded arcades that definitely exist there in the real world. oh wait, this area itself doesn't quite exist in the real world. i guess that makes sense.

i maxed out my relationship with nanba. i was very annoyed that there was the whole thing of "oops now we have to actually give nanba a surprise party because he's expecting it and he's excited about it!" and then we maxed out his hearts without actually having a surprise party. give me a break. when is he gonna get his goddamn surprise party. he told you that he always wanted one since he was a kid. that girl coming in and lying to him was not a surprise party; it was a misguided gesture that half landed, half flopped. WHERE is nanba yu's surprise party!!!!!!!

han joon-gi finally got an attack that hits many enemies and it's sooo useful. it's also an insane move that would definitely wreak havoc and cause chaos in real life. probably not even an american would risk double-handgun sweeping crossfire on a busy street like that. he does it indoors, too.

(sweating) kasuga ichiban is going to be a MUCH better person than i am by the end of this…

it's fun to have zhao in the party. he sure has a lot of martial arts moves. his painted nails are cute. i like him, but his little mustache is the kind i hate. also is it just me or was there just a little more sexual tension between him and kasuga than expected? when they're having heart-to-hearts at the bar, i mean. well, if i got behind any ship in this game, it would be kasuga/nanba, i suppose.

i don't like the shareholder meeting minigame or the business management minigame as a whole. feels like a swing and a miss to me. i mean, i can tell love went into it. it just doesn't feel intuitive, for one thing… it doesn't seem fun. it is kinda funny how the pacified shareholders settle into a state of dreamy nodding and clapping.

none of the ladies ichiban can woo seem especially interesting as characters. i guess sumire is the best one. maybe you have to be into women for that aspect to land with you. maybe i'll try wooing one or two of them a little more to see if we get any interesting cutscenes or anything. also iroha doesn't care to hear any followup about how i found the secret weapons dealer we were talking about. what's up with that? or am i somehow failing to tell her properly?

with the part-time hero quests, i have to fight x number of a certain kind of enemy, but they have to be new kills since that particular quest appeared. it's frustrating to have to go find 10 more of whatever kind of guy i've already killed 80 of. anyway, they're fellow humans so these aren't kills; they're One-Piece-style defeats, where you get the shit knocked out of you so bad that you change your outlook on life and stop being a sujimon.

i got to the sotenbori arena, and some of the rules are like, "no switching party members during battle!" buddy i didn't even know i could do that.

i wonder if new game+ will be significantly harder or something. as it stands, the game isn't hard enough for me to need to use advanced tactics like swapping out party members during a fight. either way, i've never been much of a new game+ person, preferring to have as much fun as possible the first time playing. i mean, i'm not especially good at video games in the first place, and i haven't played that many games all the way to the end. i think the only games i've new game plussed were okami and hollow knight. except i don't remember if hollow knight actually has a new game+ or if i just played it a second time.

i know just from my tumblr dashboard that majima and saejima are important characters from other yakuza games. i could also kinda tell from the loving way they were depicted and how they had their own special fight music. i loved how they had an unavoidable tag-team attack. i beat every floor in the battle arena, most of them twice, before the fight with majima and saejima, and they still almost murdered us. if i hadn't called in the masochist poundmate to make us nigh-invulnerable, i probably would have lost to them. and it cracked me up that they were added to poundmates just like that.

more weapons should be upgradeable. it doesn't make sense that there are just a few. and you can't even tell from the start which ones you will be able to upgrade. and you can't tell in advance how far you will be able to upgrade them or when you'll hit a dead end. [note added in later: i finally looked it up and found out that there's basically 1 upgradeable weapon per class that will be upgraded into that class's most powerful weapon. but i was unable to glean that just by playing the game.]

is the joke with the empty cough drop tins supposed to be about how, in real life, you know rationally that empty tins like that are essentially worthless, but you can't shake the feeling that they could be useful, so you hold on to them? because if that's the joke it's really funny. i have one such tin right in front of me on my desk. they just seem so potentially useful. of course they're useful if you want to store little stuff. but there's a limit to how much little stuff anyone really needs to store in old tins. and i think almost everyone has reached that limit and doesn't need any tins.

i kind of wish there were more interesting jobs for sacchan... instead of only Very Distinctly Feminine jobs. i dunno. strong binary gender roles in this game.

i'm kind of feeling like i need to finish up this game before may 12th-ish because at that time i will inevitably shift my focus to the new zelda game. but i doubt i'll make a post about that game. i've never had enough thoughts about the story in a zelda game to take notes about it, not in my life. yet i've played almost every one of them.

if it's one of the special fights where kasuga takes his shirt off first, then he's also shirtless in the specials and tag team animations. that's love.

we had a fun fight with kiryu, who i know is the protagonist of at least one other yakuza game. (are all the other guys protagonists too? majima doesn't seem like a protagonist, though.) kiryu's tattoo strikes me as significantly cooler than ichiban's. and when they're standing right next to each other, their outfits clearly mirror one another.

i've played for 100 hours and i'm almost out of things to say about this game, as i've gotten used to all the fun and exciting things and now they just seem normal. if i ever play a game less exciting than this, i'll fall asleep. i'm on chapter 14. i wonder if i'll get any side quests ever again. no new ones have shown up in a while. and none of the side quests have been as funny as the one about the public urinator where you come across the 4 guys standing at the edge of the river. that might have been the peak.

for the past several weeks, i've been busy and very tired and distracted reading the works of junji ito, so i haven't played as much of this game as i had intended to, and now my plan to finish playing this before the new zelda game comes out has been thrown out the window because the new zelda game came out today and i preordered it so i have it and it's right here!!!!!!!!! so do i want to not play the game on its opening day and risk spoilers, which i have heretofore avoided? or do i want to set yakuza aside to play the new zelda game? and poor neo TWEWY gets pushed even further aside. considering how long breath of the wild kept me busy, i can't see far enough into the future to know when i'll get around to neo TWEWY.

but after writing that paragraph, without consciously making a choice, i started reading more junji ito stories, even though i'm not in love with his stuff… i just have a compulsion to read all of it… so i can finish the other text post i'm working on…

...

…i finished the other text post i was working on. time to play on.

ICHIBAN SURVIVED AN EXPLOSION AND SHOWED UP WITH ONE (1) BANDAID AND A SMILE ON HIS FACE!!! THAT WAS THE BEST. i'm reinvigorated.

i was like, "ok we're in the final chapter. let's finish this up (with love and care) and be done with it." but we're back in kamurocho, which i have not thoroughly explored. what can i do but comb every street and alley for mcguffins?! it's only fair! to the developers who put so much loving detail in the game! and while i'm at it, i should upgrade all my weapons so much more! it's telling me to prepare for the final battle! i have to prepare by upgrading everyone's weapons a lot! and in order to do that, i need lots of money! so i'll play the last 10 levels of the sotenbori battle arena 5 times! and then i'll taxi back and forth between the materials cart in the park and romance workshop and make everyone's weapons OP! and then i'll forget what i was doing! and then i'll learn that ichiban has to be a foreman in order to unlock various things! and then i'll get ichiban to foreman level 21 so he won't be so weak! and then i'll learn that ichiban doesn't actually need to remain a foreman to have the demolish ability so i'll switch him back to hero! and then i'll learn about the three secret shops and go unlock them with my demolish ability! and then i'll buy a bunch of gold safe keys from the secret shops! and then i'll look up a list of gold safes! and the list unexpectedly tells me what's in the safes, and i don't really need any of it! so then i'll decide i don't need to open gold safes and forget what i was doing! IT'S HARD TO FINISH THE GAME!!!

the tendo fight, which took forever, didn't give me even half as much XP as the invested vagrant.

i didn't expect nick ogata to stick his neck out like an MVP and grill masato at the press conference like that. mostly unrelated note: i really like masato's aoki ryou politician voice. it's very cute. it's a 100% perfect match for his aoki ryou face.

i'm fighting masato. i love how he's got his swaggery chinpira body language animations but he intersperses it with glasses adjustments. genius touch. i was loving this battle with him. i didn't want it to end, but i didn't want to artifically prolong it by using health items. so i just punched him a lot and then it was over.

...

arakawa masato has passed away. now we're in the epilogue. time is running out for them to give nanba a birthday party before the game ends all the way.

…

okay the game ended and i can't complain about it. even if they failed to give nanba a birthday party. it was good.

ah, the story was good… the confrontation between ichiban and masato at the lockers was a strong ending scene… they wrapped it up neatly. ichiban finally got through to him. even though i know that when masato said he never liked ichiban, he wasn't lying, either. but it's like ichiban said: they have a connection, like brothers. i'm just glad masato didn't kill himself. i'm surprised kume souta didn't show up in the epilogue. i guess we can safely assume he's in prison.

i started this post by extolling the fact that this game has endless things to do. but although i did really enjoy doing most of those things, in the end, i feel like it had a significant detrimental effect on the momentum of the story. by stretching out the gameplay between story segments, the earlier story developments came to feel very distant, and by the end, i didn't feel as close to nanba and saeko and the others as i did earlier in the game… i got too used to everything, got too absorbed in grinding, became obsessed with tying up loose ends, started taking things for granted. the magic faded. how much of that is my fault for getting distracted from the story, and how much is the game's fault for distracting me from its own story? i can't tell.

probably the best way to play this game would be to rampage through the main story as enthusiastically as you can, then go back to unearth and subsequently tie up every loose end on a new game+.

despite all that, i will say conclusively that the game is good and i recommend it wholeheartedly. the combat system is very satisfying. i love the omnipresent, excessive, dramatic particle effects. the animations are great. the voices are great. it's so fun to run around the extremely detailed city and go eat realistic foods at restaurants and have fights for no reason. the story is a strong backbone for the game. and i'm glad you aren't penalized for leaving certain loose ends untied… like the business management minigame, which i neglected until the very end. i know i could have unlocked a new party member through that minigame. it just didn't seem worth it. maybe i'll watch a bunch of youtube videos of all the things i missed. and maybe i'll revisit the game for my new game+ someday.

#yakuza: like a dragon #yakuza 7 #yakuza 7 spoilers #yes this post spoils the whole game.#i had a busy weekend compulsively finishing my 2 long posts about what i've been doing for the past 3 months #i remember a long time ago readmores didn't work on mobile. god i hope they fixed that. for y'all's sake.#thinking about the nature of writing lately. AI can write things but it can't write based on an uncontrollable urge to write. so i win?

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sheep-and-lykos · 2 years

Text

When Night Comes: Elliott x Werewolf!Reader

I got you bb

It changes pov's, it's pretty obvious where

Song Recommendation: Sleeping Powder - Gorillaz

You cursed softly under your breath as you felt the pounding behind your eyes drum up once more, every time the waves of drumming came back it seemed to only get worse and worse as time passed. You had to pause on the trail once more leading into town, balancing the wooden crate off of your hip and onto the shabby wooden fencing once more, the old wood creaking under the weight from what laid inside of the crate. Glass clinked, parchment ruffled, you let out a soft groan. You remembered Robin promised Mayor Lewis she would fix up a lot of the fencing before winter came, she must have just not gotten to here yet.

For a brief second, you glanced behind you towards the winding road back to your farm and wondered if you had enough time to turn around and grab your horse. You instead squeezed your eyes shut and turned to face towards town, the end of the road circled with the oak and maple trees reddened with leaves changing colors. The trotting alone of horse hooves along stone would only make the headaches worse, and besides, you were already almost there anyways.

You could see people in the distance, both familiar and strange walking around. The smells of delicious food wafted through the air and tickled your nose to the point where you found yourself about to start drooling. You could hear laughter and music and footsteps on the smooth town roads.

'Is it even safe for me to go?' the brief thought shot right through you, sending icy chills down your spine.

You glanced down at your watch to see it was already past two o'clock. You were late. You could turn around now and not go, tell everyone who asks tomorrow you simply weren't feeling well. But what if they come to check on you? Especially tonight? Just the thought made the bile in your stomach churn.

"It's only until 3:30, he'll judge it all quickly, I'll collect what I won and come home," you promised to yourself.

The painful drumming slowed to a stop and you were able to fully keep your eyes open once more. You hoisted the wooden crate off of the rotting fence and continued down the path until you had finally stepped out from the cover of autumn trees and into view of everyone.

'If anyone asks, I'm not feeling well,' you reminded yourself, 'they should leave me alone after that.'

Your feet wandered into familiar directions, your body weaving through people as it did back in Zuzu, your eyes kept forward and mouth now pursed into a small, forced smile as you nodded in greetings to the townsfolk until you had gotten to the usual posts.

Year after year you set up in the same spot between Pierre on the left of you and Marnie and Willy to the right, in a little cupboard from once upon a time when your grandfather owned the farm. They had even unscrewed the little brass name plaque and replaced it with a newer, golden one with your name etched in black writing done by Robin or Leah no doubt. The spruce wood is familiar with the nine slots dusted and patched from years of use with a little pocket underneath it for you to tuck your crate under. The other three had just finished setting up their displays. Fruits, cheeses and fish are all stacked and bundled neatly into their nine cubes waiting to be judged by the Mayor in just an hour.

Marnie was polishing the front of the display with an old rag when she turned to greet you only to pause.

"(Y/n) dear, are you alright?" she asked softly, not wanting to draw attention.

That was one thing you appreciated about that household, they all kept quiet and to their own things even though you could smell exactly what they do all over them. Shane reeking of alcohol and vomit and Marnie always smelling of Mayor Lewis' cologne despite how much you can tell she tries to scrub the scent off.

You set your crate on top of the front of your display, balancing it with your front as you reached to rub your flaming temples.

"I'm not feeling good is all," you hummed. "I think I'm coming down with the flu."

You felt a pull at your throat. You hated lying to the townspeople, they were all (save for some with their moments) relatively nice to you.

"I'd talk to Harvey if I were you. He'll be able to help you. I think he's getting something to eat right now if you wanna go see him."

"I'm not gonna bother him, Marnie, it's a festival. He needs the day off. We all do," you stated as you started to divide your supplies into their respective holes.

Marnie could only nod, not wanting to upset you in any way and had walked off. You were unaware of everyone else around you, doing your best to tune as much as you could out as it was all starting to become too much. The sounds of the fair going on around you raked at your ears like nails on a chalkboard. The smells of food and the fish sitting just a few feet away from you made you nauseous yet absolutely starving and salivating, craving the feeling of tearing into something. The light around you had become too much, nearly blinding you as something slipped through your fingertips and-

A quick hand snatched the falling wine bottle out of the air, saving your prized wine from shattering all over the cobble. You shot up, nearly jumping out of your skin as your heart suddenly beat loudly in your ears. The smell of sea salt and pomegranates filled your nose suddenly, the familiar scents putting your raging heart at ease. You turned to catch a glimpse of worried emerald eyes looking back into yours, auburn eyebrows nearly knit together in worry.

"Darling? Are you alright?"

You were riddled with anxiety. You put up a brave front at first, you didn't look bothered at all by the busy fair going on around you. Slowly, however, that front started to chip and fall. You kept looking at your watch, you paced around your display, fiddled and wiped the wood and products, anything to take your mind off time. It was 3:30 and there was no sign of the mayor anywhere.

'It's okay. There's probably a hiccup somewhere, he'll be here soon.'

Your mind was starting to fill with static worry, your eyes darted around the town square. You occasionally caught glimpses of Elliott looking at you with worry, but you wouldn't let him know anything.

He was sweet enough to try to comfort you, even going to his cabin to retrieve medicine for colds for you to take so you wouldn't have to go back to the farmhouse. He would have stayed by your side but was called away by Willy to help him with a few things in some of the tents that the tall author could handle.

You looked back down to your watch. 4:00. The autumn sky was starting to run warm. The sun was starting to hide behind clouds. Pierre and Marnie didn't seem worried about the Mayor suddenly not being around, but you were in shambles on the inside.

4:30 and the tourists were starting to head back to the bus stop t return to Zuzu and the other cities surrounding the valley. The wind had shifted and now brought the smell of Gus' food southward, the smells littering the grill stirred up a primal hunger deep inside. You leaned back against the display and dug your nails into the hard spruce, the wood splintering a bit.

5:00 and Lewis finally showed his head alongside the well-known purple hat of the short and stout Governor trailing behind the Mayor. They were talking about money, typically what they always seem to talk about when the Governer is in the valley. You looked anxiously to the sky, the sun had started to dip below the tallest trees in the woods surrounding the valley, the sky a painting of reds and oranges, the west starting to bleed the lightest of purples and blues. You felt it starting to stir inside of you.

"Sorry I'm late everyone! The Governor and I had a lot to catch up about, but I think it's time for the annual judging to begin!" Lewis exclaimed to the remaining tourists and townspeople.

Some had already started to file into the saloon for Gus' leftovers, the rest crowded around the four stands. You felt like you were slowly being caged, eyes all on you. You felt like you couldn't breathe. Your eyes scanned the crowd and eventually landed on Elliott who looked at you with a worry-painted face. It was obvious to him something was wrong and steadily getting worse. Yoba, you hoped he didn't try to follow you home and spend the night.

You didn't even notice Mayor Lewis and the Governer pass by you, inspecting your items and then moving on to Marnie and then Willy. You only snapped back into reality when you were handed the envelope stamped with a big gold '1' on it full of star tokens as the crowd started to disperse.

"Congratulations to our local farmer, (Y/n)!" Lewis beamed.

You thanked the Mayor and turned to your display, hands planting on the sides as you were forced to take a deep breath of the chilling autumn air. You glanced at your watch, 5:30 the hands told you. It would take a while to get back with everyone now crowding the bus stop even more if you didn't leave now.

There was a gnawing at the back of your neck, you were starting to sweat in the cold air. The sky was turning dark.

You needed to leave.

You pushed yourself away from the display and hurried across the town square towards the little road that lead to your farm. You knew your items would end up in the lost and found or someone would bring them by your house, but you could not care at this point as your steps started to falter the faster you marched back home.

You had to shove your way through the crowd waiting for the bus to Grampleton, you could barely throw an apology behind you however as your eyes became locked on the gate to your farm. You yanked it open and slammed it closed behind you, your feet carrying you to your front door.

You fumbled in your pockets for the keys, catching a glimpse at your watch. 6:00 and the sun had set, casting the valley in darkness.

"Come on, come on," you whimpered.

You had finally pulled the keys out from your pocket and jammed the house key in when you felt your hand start to pop and crackle. A pained cry left your lips as you pressed yourself into the door, nearly falling over when you had somehow gotten the door open.

'Why is it happening so early? Why now?'

Elliott managed to balance the heavy crate with one hand as he unlocked the farm gate with the other. He walked the path he walked nearly every week, the familiar dirt path turned to a hand-made stone path he walked on so many times he was shocked there were no worn-in footprints on them.

The farm was doing lovely from what he could see of it. It was too dark to see far but the full moon above him provided enough light to show crops growing nicely in neat rows.

Elliott hauled the heavy crate with him towards the farmhouse, the author wondering how you were able to lift and carry it so naturally the past few fairs with the heavy contents inside. It was a good thing he spotted the items left at the display when he did before anyone could get at the expensive items you display.

You were sick, you looked exhausted all day, you had just left everything there by accident it seemed. It was no bother to him to bring it all back to your home, he would even see about staying awhile to make sure you're really doing better, maybe even spending the night since it was late.

It was when he got to your porch did something feel wrong.

But something was wrong.

The front door was left open a crack, the light from the porch filtered barely into the pitch-black farmhouse. Had you forgotten to close it? Were you even in there?

It felt wrong to him to enter like this but the worry chewing at his gut forced him to step forward, opening the door with a polished dress shoe.

It looked as if you weren't home. No lights on, no lit fireplace, it was cold and it felt empty.

"(Y/n)? Dear, are you home?" Elliott called out into the house. Instead of your voice, he was met with the faint cry of your dog from your bedroom. Elliott sat the crate down by the door hurried to the room fearing the worst only to see the dog hiding under the bed. "What's the matter?" Elliott crouched down and held out his hand for the dog to come to him but the poor thing was too scared to budge. "What has you so shaken?"

A loud thud suddenly radiated from below him, startling both he and the dog. Were you downstairs in the cellar?

As Elliott turned on his heel and started for the kitchen the dog had let out a yelp and scurried out from under the bed, biting down on the cuff of Elliott's pant leg and tried to pull him back and away from the cellar doors in the kitchen.

"What's gotten into you?" the author managed to tug the pant leg out of the dog's mouth. Another loud bang sounded out from below, sending the poor dog to scurry off somewhere in the dark house. A low moan caught Elliott's attention, his heart suddenly pounding in his ears. "(Y/n)!" he called.

Elliott threw open the cellar doors and hurried down the first few steps only to stop halfway down. The cellar lights were on, illuminating the mess that was at the bottom of the stairs. Your jacket from earlier laid at the bottom of the stairs, torn slightly at the sleeves soaking in a dark liquid. A cask nearby had broken, wood splintered and aging wine leaking from the open cracks.

Dread slowly overtook Elliott, casting a blanket of icy fear over him.

Where were you? Were you hurt?

Another moan echoed through the cellar, coming from the back of the stoney basement. A big black door sat in the far corner, closed shut, but he could see a shadow moving from the cracks underneath the door.

Elliott stepped over the mess and trekked carefully towards the door, unsure of what to do or say. As he neared the door he swore he could hear growling and whimpering from behind it, and there was a faint smell of blood tinging the air.

Fearing the worst, Elliott grabbed the cold handle and managed to open the door just a crack to only have it slammed shut in his grasp. He was startled at what he saw; A giant clawed hand covered in... fur?

There was snuffling at the door, growling, panting like a dog before it cried out in pain and stepped away from the door. He heard the thing drop to the ground, sickening cracks and pops making Elliott shiver.

Was that you? He knew of the mysterious and magical things around the valley, especially when you had shown him some things around your farm one night.

Elliott's hand gently pushed the door open once more just a bit for him to peer in.

"Darling?" he called softly.

He saw deep marks in the stone, scraps of what he guessed to be clothing littered the floor. He knew it was possibly dangerous, but it was you, he wasn't going to leave until he knew what was wrong.

"Darl-"

The large clawed hand snatched at the open door and threw it fully open, a big and hulking form filled up the doorway. Elliott stumbled back, eyes wide with worry as the monster somehow managed to squeeze out from the doorway and into the cellar. It was taller than him, having to hunch just a bit to keep its head from hitting the ceiling.

A werewolf stood right before him, baring its sharp fangs and claws shining in the pale cellar lights.

Elliott knew too, he didn't need any more clues.

Fur the same shade as your hair, eyes all too human despite glowing supernaturally. But the golden ticket was the locket he had given you was fastened around the werewolf's neck.

Hackles raised, you stalked towards him on wolf-like legs. Every step you took forward, Elliott took three back. Saliva dripped from your muzzle, eyes trained on him like he was prey; He was.

As Elliott went to step backwards again, the heel of his dress shoe had caught a higher stone in the floor, the author fell backwards against the floor.

That's when you struck.

You had caged him between your large and furry body and the floor, clawed hands digging into the stone beside his head. Your breath was hot and rancid as you snarled in his face, your pupils were only little holes in the sea of glow.

Is this how he ends? At the hands of a werewolf? Of his lover when they're in this state? He always thought it would be more poetic...

You raised a clawed hand as the other pressed into his chest, keeping him steady.

"Please, darling, it's me," Elliott started to plead. He grabbed onto the hand keeping him pinned and tried to move but you didn't budge. "Dearest, please." He was starting to get desperate. He just had to come down here, he just had to come here in the first place! Why didn't he just bring the crate back to his house and bring it over in the morning? Your claws were long and black, curved and sharp and shiny in the light. Your arm kept coiling back until it stopped, hand raised and ready to strike. And as it came slashing down, Elliott yelled out "(Y/N)!"

The claws stopped a mere inch away from his face, fingers stiffened, and slowly coiled them back away. The sudden weight off of his chest had him gasping as he sat and up and backed away from you. It was as he rubbed his aching chest did he get a look at you.

You looked like a kicked dog, backing away, making yourself look as small as you could, wolf-like ears pulled back against your head in fear. If those were human, he knew they would be full of tears.

"(Y/n)," Elliott murmured.

He held out his hand, silently beckoning for you to come closer to him. He didn't know how long it took for you to finally uncurl yourself just enough to slowly walk up to Elliott, but when you finally did he carded a hand through your soft fur. He swore he heard a purr come from you as you collapsed next to him, laying your lupine head in his lap.

#elliot x reader #stardew valley elliot #elliot x farmer #stardew valley #stardew #stardew valley fic

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fangaddict · 1 year

Text

Soup or Salad

Hi so this is the fic I've been promising for months,the ending is kinda rushed so sorry not sorry for that!however I do have more ideas I might put on a post just going over that!

“It's cold outside," Martin sighed, shivering slightly. "So is turning the ac all the way up to max coldness really necessary Michael?" He said, irritation apparent in his voice. Michael simply chuckled "no, but is anything I do really necessary? And besides, I like seeing you both squirm." Martin rolled his eyes and looked over to Jon. Jon was currently submerged in the soup both of them were currently sitting in. "Yeah! And on top of it all, you're making me miss work for this." Jon said grumpily. Looking away with his arms crossed, "it's really annoying."He added with a mumble.He tried and failed to hide his flushed cheeks from everyone.

Michael stared down Jon as it smiled a gleefully sadistic smile "Would you prefer I just cut to the main course then my delectable, juicy, morsel?" it laughed and leaned in closer before snapping its jaws mere inches from Jon's face "I'm starving" it snarled,its lips curled into a malicious grin. Jon jumped back, he felt his hands grew ice cold and his pulse quickened as all the color drained from his face. Why was he so scared? He knew Michael wouldn't hurt him… right? "V very funny Michael… " he grumbled as he stuttered a bit, taken aback by the sudden and violent shift to a tone so threatening. He straightened up a bit and frowned slightly, then he furrowed his brow further."You don't scare me Micheal,I've dealt with a lot worse than you! Now leave me alone I'm trying to stay warm in this lukewarm soup,since you insist on keeping it so damn cold in here." As per usual, Jon was turning to denial as a defense mechanism for when he was afraid. However his body language betrayed him as he was now a shivering blushing mess.

"MICHAEL! I told you to be nice towards Jon, you know this is his first time so behave yourself or it will be the last time mister!” Michael’s sharp grin crashed into a frown as it rolled its eyes. “Finnnnneeee, I'll be nice and gentle with your Archivist.” Martin sputtered, “I don't own Jon like a dog Michael.” Meanwhile Jon was trying to not become as red as a tomato, much like how he was trying to scrub the now permanent memory of Michael snarling at him. His attention was quickly drawn back to a ‘clink’ of Michael’s spoon hitting the bowl as it scooped Martin up.

Michael was literally buzzing with excitement causing Martin to chuckle,"Finally done teasing now?" Martin said, still chuckling slightly. Michael paused before nodding and tipped the man in its mouth. Martin tasted like sweet and mild chamomile tea,a flavor it learned to appreciate as time went on. It continued licking the man in its maw now purring softly. However Michael had enough of tasting and wanted to move on to it favorite part,swallowing the cute lil snack down.

Jon watched in fascination as Michael gently tipped Martin into its gaping maw. It purred in satisfaction as it swished martin carefully in its mouth ,tasting every bit of him. An audible gulp is heard as Jon watches Michael place it's index finger on the lump that Martin made and traced it all the way down to its stomach. Michael sighed contently, rubbing its stomach affectionately. Suddenly a wicked grin played its face as it looked over to Jon, " oh, would you look at that, it's an all you can eat buffet!" it scooped up Jon onto the spoon as well "and it looks like you're on the menu tonight~" it teased.

I quickly covered my face with my hand to hide my blush. Just because this played into a very specific comfort fantasy doesn't mean I have to confess that to anyone.this was suppose to be scary,in fact it was scary. So why wasn't it now? How did I get to this point in my life? I don't know-

“You’re rambling Archivist.” Jon pauses. “Please tell me I didn't say that out loud.” Michael hums,"maybe you did Archivist,what do you think?". Michael’s sly Cheshire smile widened as it scanned Jon up and down. Jon buried his face into his hands even more,"I'm so sorry about that." Laughter erupts from the distortion, "why are you apologizing Archivist? You haven't done anything wrong so calm down and let me take you in,alright jon?" It's tone softened when using his name. Jon blushed even more at Michael's sudden change into a more softened tone, he definitely wasn't expecting it.

Michael was thoroughly amused by the Archivist's reaction so far,it was particularly entertaining to have the man open up to Michael like this. Something it didn't expect when suggesting this to the pair of morsels,however this wasn't unwelcome to it. "Alright anyways heart to heart aside you should probably just get on with it. It's really fucking cold out here Michael." The distortion quirked its eyebrow,"getting eager are we Archivist?" The tiny man sighed in annoyance as Michael chuckled,"Look you can call me eager all you want,however if you don't get on with it I swear I will just hop in your mouth Michael! It's cold and I'm tired. Let me have this, you neon trainwreck."

A cacophony of distorted laughter came from Michael,"My my if I knew you would be so willing I would have asked you for this sooner,but alright my lovely meal I'll go right ahead." It gently placed the tiny Archivist in its mouth,carefully avoiding catching his skin on its sharp teeth. The subtle bitter flavor of dark chocolate trailed Michael’s tongue as it licked the Archivist. Something that didn't pair well with the soup,however it didn't particularly care about its prey tasting good. Just the feeling on their small forms sliding down was enough to satisfy it. Speaking of which, the distortion figured Martin was worrying about Jon by now so it made its tasting session short before sending him down to join the assistant. Trailing a long finger down with him.

Jon was gently squished down as Michael swallowed him down,it was slightly claustrophobic for him now that he was actually in this scenario. Granted he didn't know what to expect considering he didn't believe such a thing would be possible till today. Luckily this part went rather quickly,too quickly it seemed, before long the man was dropped on something that was soft and… that can grunt? "Glad you could drop in love."

Martin chuckled as Jon shot up and scrambled off him."I'm so sorry about that martin.Are you alright?I didn't hurt you too badly right?" Martin shook his head fondly."Yes Jon,I'm fine. You're barely skin and bones so you didn't hurt me that badly." Jon scoffed playfully,"I'm offended, my own boyfriend bullying me? How rude!"The taller man pulled the other into a hug,"Well maybe if you ate more you wouldn't be a walking stick man."Jon yawned."Mmm, still unfair." The two doze off soon after.

The first thing Jon awoke to was water gently pouring on him. The water was warm on his back and his hair was soaked by the time the man had fully awakened. “Finally awake Archivist?” Michael gingerly patted his head,"mmh yep.Im awake unfortunately." It giggled, "Apologies dear,however lucky for you I believe you are clean so I can now turn the water off." Michael turned the water off and gently patted Jon dry.

"Michael you don't have to do this,I can do this myself."Michael hummed in dissatisfaction,"Archivist have you mayhaps considered people want to take care of you?" Jon groaned in response."I suppose…but that doesn't mean I have to like it." A gentle purr came from Michael,"Hmmm well maybe you should like it because you deserve nice things Archivist. Now shush so I can get your dear assistant out."Jon rolled his eyes but stayed quiet.

After a while both Jon and Martin were dried,clothed, and back to normal size.the three of them laid cuddled on a couch,"Soooo how was it?" Michael broke the peaceful quiet with its excitement. Martin paused to consider the question, "it was nice,I wouldn't mind doing it again honestly. How about you Jon?" The other man perked up,"hm? Oh yes well,it was enlightening." The third non gendered party smirked deviously,"oh so that's what we're calling it Archivist? Does that mean I did a good job then?"Jon shook his head."Not going to comment on that,but yes you did well and I wouldn't oppose doing it again.With advanced notice,I don't want to skip out on my work." The two men were gently pulled closer as Michael let a soft purr out."Of course, Archivist.I wouldn't dream of it!" It was lying.

#safe vore #extreme cuddling #nonbinary pred #nonfatal vore #fang writes #the mawgnus archives #masc prey #male prey #multiple prey #📼👁#not beta read #we die like archive assistants on that half #tumblr tried to autocorrect so fucking much #vore writing

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shxtodxroki · 1 year

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Ello! I hope you're doing well! take your time doing requests don't stress yourself out :D.

I'm Xeno [not my IRL name lol], genderfluid (AFAB) my pronouns are he/him i like to be matched with class 1a or b male students.

I tend to dress in dark-colored clothing, comfortable in shorts, tank tops, and sweaters.

My MBTI is ISTJ, I easily forget things, and my personality changes, to new people I'm more reserved but with friends, I'm more playful and i cuss a lot like Bakugo and i have a dark sense of humor.

I love cats and drawing, my drawings are similar to macabre paintings. I like to watch horror movies and eat spicy noodles

i have an addiction to coffee. and i usually stay up all night until 5 am

I'm very sentimental, give me a small flower I'll keep it forever in a notebook.

English isn't my native language so sorry if my grammar is a bit off.

First of all I’m sorry I’m getting to this ask so late, you sent this ask before I came back to this account and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get to it :/ You’ve been supporting my blog for quite a while now and I really appreciate how kind you’ve been, so I hope that you can enjoy this match-up and that it’s what you were hoping for! You always like my posts and you’ve sent in a few requests, and I just want you to know that I really do see and appreciate it and it’s nice knowing that someone consistently enjoys the stuff I put out on here, and I hope that you enjoy this as a sign of my thanks! :D

I’d Match You With:

Eijiro Kirishima!

Reasoning:

Honestly I was really stuck between Kirishima and Tetsutetsu for this one lol, those two are so similar and I feel like they’d both pair really well with your personality, but I just think you and Kirishima pair up really nicely :) You fit together really well as people, and you have a very cute relationship hehe :)

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- You and Kirishima literally have like the same style lol, he loves getting matching outfits for the two of you since your styles are already so similar, and he loves showing you off when you wear the same outfits (even though it’s just a tank top and shorts, he finds it really cute because he's sappy like that) and he loves how everyone can tell you’re together based on your matching clothes :)

- You definitely remind Kiri a lot of Bakugo, and I have a feeling the two of you would get along quite well as friends once Kirishima finally introduced you two. Obviously this would make Kiri absolutely ecstatic, Bakugo’s his best friend and he always worried that his eventual s/o may not be able to get along with him, so he’s happy to see two of the most important people to him connecting :D

- Kirishima will love it if you draw something for him, you could literally draw anything you want and give it to him and he’d absolutely cherish it. He hangs up any drawings/pictues you give him on his dorm walls or frames them on his desk, he loves showing off how talented you are and looking at your art whenever he comes into his room!

- Kiri also likes watching horror movies with you :) He’s not into super intense ones, his limit would probably be at movies like Saw and similar ones, but he thinks slashers are fun and loves the dumb cheesy lines they usually have, and he’s willing to branch out a bit if there’s one you want to show him as long as it’s not too far out of his comfort zone! Horror movie nights are a very frequent date idea for the two of you lol, and he is not above hiding in your arms if he gets spooked by one of your movie picks

- Kirishima’s also very sentimental, he’s a sucker for even the smallest of things, so once the two of you eventually end up moving in together your shared home is just filled with mementos collected by both of you throughout the time the two of you have been dating

- Knowing that you’re sentimental gives Kiri some great gift ideas, though, he loves getting you scrapbooks filled with memories or writing super long, heartfelt messages in each card he makes you, knowing that you’ll want to keep and cherish it forever <3

- Kirishima’s also a huge spice guy, he’s the kind of guy who will purposefully buy the spiciest noodles in the store just for a fun little challenge. And he’ll happily have you join him on these adventures if you’re really into spicy foods and the two of you can chow down on ice cream together afterwards, but if you prefer more mild ones instead then he just heeps a stash of your favorite brand of hot noodles in his dorm for you to snack on so you don’t have to suffer through his meals with him lol

- I doubt Kiri’s the kind of person to be a huge stickler about bedtimes or curfews or anything, but he’s the kind of guy to usually be out by like, midnight to 1AM, so he doesn’t really understand how you can stay up so late lol. He may try to encourage you to come to bed with him a little earlier, both because he wants to make sure you’re getting enough sleep and because he likes cuddling with you when he falls asleep, but he won’t push it if you’d rather keep staying up late, he respects your right to make that decision and just asks you to come cuddle with him when you are ready for bed, even if he’s already sleeping :>

Song For Your Relationship:

Someone To You by BANNERS :)

#{✏️} - bee's writing #{💭} - bee answers #{💬} - requests #{🌻} - octhingz #mha matchup #mha matchups #bnha matchups #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha x you #bnha x you #mha x y/n #bnha x y/n

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microfinanseer · 6 months

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This is the week. Butterflies in my stomach as we head off in a few days back to Seattle. We'll be there for a short visit running some errands, catching up with friends, and exchanging some stuff in storage so we can go on the next leg of our pushing-our-boundaries tour.

So much growth to discuss, and still so much to process after this adventure. This is the longest I and we (as a couple) have been on the road away from home. We made our first trip together backpacking in several countries in Europe in 1994. Since then, we have regularly traveled to many other places in the world--usually not for more than a few weeks at a time, however. I've also done some solo travel over the years, which I highly recommend. In the U.K. when I considered graduate school there in 1997, I made my way for a month through parts of England and Scotland I had only read about in literature and seen in the movies. And then for two months in 2007, I went across New Zealand, Tahiti, with a few days in Sydney, Australia while my partner made his way through law school. I felt one of us being tortured in that experience [law school] was enough [half joking]. I wanted to see more of the world.

On this trip, too, I know I've changed. I just am not sure yet I recognize all the ways that's true for me. Often I realize my growth after traveling months later in the course of everyday things in a more everyday routine I develop again. Travel changes you. Period. You can't help it. You appreciate locations, yes. But more deeply you appreciate people, cultures, and how little separates us and how much unites us in our life's experiences and dreams. As I've said for years, rush hour is ultimately the same everywhere you go. By that I mean, that while the look of it differs, what it represents for everyone in the world is the same. We're all just trying to survive, make a living, and find happiness for ourselves and our families everyday we can.

My first thoughts after this trip are that in some ways, my travel has reinforced and more strongly encouraged me to live the values I've had all along. I'm reminded of what is actually most important for my happiness and well-being. No matter our age and life experience, it's good to keep track of what is our soul's fuel--of what motivates and diminishes our spirit.

I've also paid a lot more attention to what I find important in a place to live--not just the city or country, but the actual physical space we are lucky to call home. Whether a house, duplex, or apartment, with outdoor gardens, city views, or patios in either the scorching, humid heat or arid, cool mountainous desert, I've been in all kinds of spaces during these past six months. So many that I think I have a solid idea of what makes me happy to be in a home.

The photos I'm sharing in this post are of some designs that caught my eye in Mexico. When I spotted these shots before taking them, I noticed something I'm calling "space moods"--though they have more scientific theories and nomenclature grounded in psychology and design. When I noticed how the design elements of color, texture, light, form, and function made me feel in these places, I snapped a picture to help me recall. The one aspect that photographs can't capture is the delicious scent you notice in your favorite home spaces--from the material of the furniture, the covers of the books on shelves, the plants and flowers around, the ambience set by incense and candles inside, and the outside air wafting in through open windows, etc. And if you know me well, then you know how much "smell" matters to me. It's actually a very important sense for all of us for a lot of reasons.

I haven't decided yet how much I will keep blogging after I get back. I'll have different adventures, to be sure, but my focus day-to-day will shift and I don't know how much I will have to share. It's time to finish up the book, find interest to publish it, and get into a new routine back home. I'll keep my blog, and when inspiration hits I will follow it and post. Until then, thanks for accompanying me on this book writing journey and stay tuned.

Best wishes...

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hey-color-palettes · 3 years

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📌 Hey! 🌴 Welcome to my color palette blog! 💙🧡💚💜💛

Inbox Size: inbox: ~350 (last updated: Nov 13)

(Wait Time: I'm so sorry guys, I'll do what I can and I love you all very much genuinely but I'm already sacrificing a great deal of sleep to keep up with everything in my life for the past two months and the foreseeable rest of the year, so I'll do what I can when I can, but I can't provide any proper estimates 😔.)

(Posts are tagged with sent-on dates so you can see where I'm at in the backlog!)

Requests are always open! Basic request etiquette:

One palette request per ask, but unlimited asks!

Don't send me a request that's a choice between 2+ things. I will do both/all, so it's functionally the same as a multi-request ask. Just send them separately please.

If you want multiple palettes, send requests for them one ask at a time!!

Requests can be anything! It doesn't have to be names!

Feel free to be as specific as you'd like in your request!

DMs are only for special requests or questions.

Special requests constitute: anything time-sensitive, anything that requires communication with me, anything private that you don't want to post, and anything that otherwise can't fit in an ask.

If you have any questions whatsoever please don't hesitate to DM me! It's really not a bother!

Feel free to send me messages about the status of a request! Please don't send me the same request every few weeks if I haven't made a palette for it yet. I will make a palette for every single one of those asks whether you want me to or not. Just talk to me 😭

That being said, I'm more than willing to make multiple palettes for the same request. However, if you'd rather skip the wait, you can check if I've done something by just searching that name up on my blog!

Please do not send requests for sensitive topics and mature subjects. If a request would require a certain cultural background to create properly, please assume I don't have it!! I will fill requests at my own discretion.

Other:

I do requests in first-come-first-serve order. The time it usually takes for a request to be filled is about a month. If you need a palette more urgently, PLEASE DM ME. I check requests as they come in, but I miss a lot.

I try my absolute very best to make this a good experience for everyone, but please know that I'm extremely busy and constantly under a lot of stress. Please be patient with me.

Given how many people follow this blog, it's effectively a given that people will take issue with me at one point or another. Going forward, I will not humor anonymous asks that take anything I do here in bad faith. I WILL delete them. If I'm due for an education, my DMs and ears are open and I'm more than willing to listen and learn.

If you sent me a nice ask that was not a request, I received it!! I like to keep those so I can look at them while I'm working on new color palettes! I appreciate them a lot!!

Usage facts:

Free to use without credit! Though maybe don't claim the base palettes as is without any modification, but I won't stop you.

Feel free to tag me if you post art, though it's not a requirement! I just love seeing what you guys do!

There's a little more info on the full about page! (use a browser! Tumblr Mobile doesn't like blog pages 💔) It's a little outdated and not fully proofread, but I'll see if I can put this all on a carrd when I have time. (I'm very busy!)

#not a color palette #pinned post

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s-brant · 3 years

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Cherry Bowl (3/8)

(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!

"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"

The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.

Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.

The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.

"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."

"That's my girl."

The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.

Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.

Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.

"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"

Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.

"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.

Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.

"Why is she a traitor?"

They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.

Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...

He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."

None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.

The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.

Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."

"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."

"Pogue Court isn't a thing."

He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."

He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.

Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.

"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.

One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.

Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."

"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"

"Pretty good, not gonna lie."

He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.

Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.

Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.

JJ (Derogatory) ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u

Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.

Kief Princess Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.

JJ (Derogatory) triple threat, baby

JJ (Derogatory) thanks for the cookie btw

She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.

Kief Princess Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)

When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.

JJ (Derogatory) strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind

Kief Princess I try.

Kief Princess Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.

She hears him scoff.

JJ (Derogatory) first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me

Kief Princess I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.

JJ (Derogatory) what r the stakes this time

Kief Princess No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.

JJ (Derogatory) :( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions

JJ (Derogatory) team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor

Kief Princess Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?

JJ (Derogatory) good point

The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.

The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?

She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.

"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."

JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"

After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.

It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.

What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.

She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.

That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.

"You okay?"

Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.

You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.

"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"

The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.

JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.

"You bet your ass I do."

What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.

Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.

Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.

danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat

danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME

danknugstickiestickies i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice

His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.

Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?

kiara-c ummmm

popeheyward Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!

kiara-c did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??

danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over

kiara-c very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐

popeheyward Do we know her?

danknugstickiestickies don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph

popeheyward What about Y/N though?

kiara-c ^^

JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.

Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.

Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.

He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.

danknugstickiestickies ?? what do u mean

Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.

popeheyward ...

kiara-c I mean, you don't see it?

danknugstickiestickies see what

popeheyward I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.

"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."

danknugstickiestickies bro that's jb's little sister

kiara-c so?

danknugstickiestickies forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues

He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.

kiara-c jeez, sorry

Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.

He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.

Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.

In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.

popeheyward Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.

Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.

kiara-c yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to

danknugstickiestickies well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but

danknugstickiestickies please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up

That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.

Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.

He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.

Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.

She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.

Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—

"What is it?"

Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."

He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.

She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."

The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.

Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.

In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.

His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?

"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"

It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."

His wallet could go kick rocks.

He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.

Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.

Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.

And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.

That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.

It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.

The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?

Rule Five: Be yourself.

It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.

The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.

His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.

He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?

With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.

"Can I tell you something?"

His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.

When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.

Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.

It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.

She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.

"Of course," she says.

The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.

There's a pause, then—

"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."

She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.

Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.

But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.

Y/N sighs.

"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."

What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.

Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.

From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.

He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.

There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.

"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.

The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.

They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.

"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?

Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.

She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?

The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.

Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.

In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.

But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.

When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"

The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.

As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.

And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.

She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.

When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."

She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.

Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.

"Ditto," he says.

It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?

Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.

It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.

It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.

If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.

With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.

In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.

Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.

His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"

Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.

Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.

"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.

If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.

He doesn't need to be told twice.

JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.

With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.

There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.

His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.

After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.

Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.

She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.

Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.

The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.

Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."

They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."

But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.

She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.

The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.

She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.

"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.

They usually don't lie to each other.

They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.

Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.

Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.

"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."

Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.

He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.

There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.

She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.

Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.

The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.

Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.

It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.

She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.

"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."

He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.

Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.

They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.

It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.

Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?

She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.

The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.

The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...

He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.

JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.

She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.

There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.

Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.

Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.

But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.

She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.

Tag list: @gabiatthedisco

#jj maybank #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #obx #fanfiction #obx s2 #uh oh trouble in paradise #anyway that smut #kinda wanna get railed by JJ in the back of the van #don’t we all?

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rose-colored-amy · 3 years

Text

So, this is a continuation to my extremely short one-shot Last Moments, Last Regrets, but it can be read as a stand-alone. Regardless, I'll leave the link of that one in here:

Also, thanks to @coeurhh for suggesting I write a second part. You're a sweetheart 🥰

She made a lovely fanart/gif, which I'm also sharing, of course:

Prompt: AU. Sakura's death goes unnoticed to everyone but the squad she protected with her life and Tsunade. Team Kakashi doesn't find out until the very end, when Naruto and Sasuke have already had their fight, and there's nothing to do about it but mourn the absence.

Warning: Mild Sasusaku and lots of angst. Team 7 sort-of-fluff (?)

—Blue Bird, Let Go—

"Hey, bastard... I know they really let us down, the village, I mean."

"Aa... "

"But I really think it's not all that bad. When we were I team, I knew you understood. It felt like having a brother, believe it."

They were watching their lives go by, shadows of unknown faces passing by them, not noticing their pain, or not caring whatsoever. Their backs were touching, but it was all cold and bleak; a bad memory. A clan slaughtered, a demon sealed. Two lonely boys wallowing in their own sadness.

"Well, even if I don't make it, I'm glad it was you, bastard—"

"Shut up, idiot." His voice sounded strained, even for his standards, but Sasuke was so tired he couldn't even bring himself to care.

"We're really dying, ah? Wanna say something? I do have things to say, 'cause there's no way I'm dying—"

"In silence?" Sasuke interrupted, but Naruto payed him no mind.

"Without telling you how much of an asshole you've been! I couldn't even keep my promise to Sakura-chan! She's gonna be so damn mad when she finds out, I'm sure she'll drag me back to life just to cave my face in—" He was rambling at that point, but it was just so comforting and normal to Sasuke that he didn't even acknowledge it anymore.

"Hn. Sakura... She..."

"She still loves you, asshole. I don't have any idea how it can be possible but—"

"I'm sorry..." It sounded rushed, but Naruto heard it perfectly, and in the darkness of their shared consciousness, Sasuke heard a resigned sigh.

"Well, it's not that bad. I cannot imagine dying beside anyone but you, bastard."

"Idiot..." He made a pause. "Me neither."

"You're both a pair of idiots!"

Suddenly, the unreadable mass of unrecognizable faces around them cleared, and one figure stood in front of them, pink eyebrows frowned in annoyance. Though this version of Sakura looked familiar, it was one none of the boys had seen in a long time. Genin, long-haired, Sakura was glaring at them, arms crossed.

"Sakura-chan! What are you doing in here?!"

Her eyes softened. "What, so I'm supposed to let you two die, after everything? No way in hell!"

"Sakura..."

"You!" She pointed at Sasuke, who flinched slightly at her rudeness. "I don't know what the hell happened, but I don't care. Lighten up and start being your moody self. We love you just like that! Don't act so repented and shit! If you're sorry stop looking like a lost puppy and start doing something about it, you asshole!" Her voice was raising with madness and it was slightly off putting to see what used to be a stuttering lovestruck preteen talking to him like that.

Naruto snorted at that, obviously delighted for not being at the receiving end of her wrath for once. It was short-lived, however.

"And you!" She pointed at the blonde; then crossed her arms. He jumped back in fright. "What is this? How dare you even consider dying after you promised to be the best goddamned Hokage in history?! Here I am, rooting for you, while you lay around like a lazy pig with your edgy bro there. You should be ashamed of yourself!" She scoffed.

Naruto's mouth was so wide open he could have caught a fly. "Lazy pig? Are you kidding?!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, half amused, half annoyed. "Edgy?"

Suddenly, the edges of their vision began to blurr, like a genjutsu being unravelled. "Ah, someone came to help you at last." Sakura seemed relieved. Strangely so.

"Hey, Sakura-chan! You know what? You're right. I'll be the best damn Hokage ever, believe it! Just you watch!" He threw a punch to the air.

Seemingly placated and pleased with his answer, she nodded. "I know so." Then, she turned to her other teammate, who was concentrating solely on her face, mismatched eyes softened as they'll ever be. "And you'll make sure he doesn't mess up, right?"

They shared a long silence. There was something strange about Sakura aside her appearance. He could tell. "Hn. I will..."

"Hey! I don't need him watching over—"

"Sure you don't." He countered sarcastically.

"Also..." They turned to her again. "I'm sorry."

"Wha—" Naruto stuttered. "What the hell would you be sorry for, Sakura-chan?! If anything, it's the bastard here who should be apologizing to you!"

"Sakura..." Sasuke seemed to be searching for the right words, but she couldn't let them go without them listening to her. To what she needed them to know. There wasn't much time left after all.

"I'm sorry, because I wasn't what you needed..." She closed her eyes, her pretty minty orbs. Her appearance suddenly shifted, before then now standing her true self, still dressed in the standard shinobi uniform of the alliance. Her forehead protector lost to whoever knows where. "And thank you. You both made me stronger. You made me appreciate what I had. And I'll always, always love you. Our moments together like team seven... I'll treasure them for all eternity."

"Sakura-chan..."

"I know Konoha wasn't the best to you both, but don't forget the good... The wholesome moments. It's all that matters in the end... Our bonds, the bonds you managed to forge with sweat and blood... The world we live in, the world that gave me the chance to meet you. To me, that's to be cherished. Forever."

The white light started overwhelming the rest. Even Sakura's features started dissapearing.

"Live. Just live." For that, she specifically stared at Sasuke, a soft smile playing on her lips. "And thank you."

Sasuke started racing towards her, hand stretched, a forebonding understanding shaking his bones. "Sakura!"

And then, they both lost consciousness.

When they woke up, aside from feeling like shit, the first thing that crossed their minds what the finality of Sakura's words. Tsunade was beside them, patching them up, with Kakashi beside her, silently watching over them.

"About time, brats! What were you think—"

"Baa-san." Naruto interrupted her, his voice the most serious she had heard him until then.

"Where's Sakura?" Sasuke finished for him, his eyes icy and detached, trying to keep his worry at bay.

But she didn't need to answer. Her chakra flow hesitated, spiking with sorrow. Her eyes glistening with unbearable loss. Kakashi, at her side, stared, eyes widened in comprehension.

She was gone by a long shot.

And they were just finding out.

...

Everybody had different ways of dealing with loss. Naruto helped rebuild the village along with everyone else, but he skipped his usual meals, his ramen left forgotten in his kitchen counter. His movements when sparring were sloppy at best, not just because of the new prosthetic limb, but also because his mind was clearly somewhere else. Usually, Shikamaru would drag him out his makeship house, like he had done when Jiraija was gone for good. Sometimes, he would bring Ino with him, who was suspiciously skinny and messier than normal. No makeup covering the dark circles under her eyes.

Kakashi spent more than usual at the memorial stone every day, tracing the newly marked name of the girl who once remained him of Rin but that had come to claim a place for herself in his heart. Also, he took more missions than it was allowed in a month, going so far as to pick up his ANBU mask again, which caused an altercation with Tsunade, who hadn't been sober in a long time and had been hoping to hand the Hokage seat to him.

Sai avoided the color pink for a long time.

Sasuke... Well, he dealed with loss the same as everyone else... Longing for the missing person to be there, itching to have the opportunity to say what he couldn't at the time. Wanting to be alone whenever they would reach for him... And he built a tomb for her in hopes to find some closure. Not that official, because there wasn't a body to bury, and it had no name, but it was enough for him. He would bring with him camellias every day, buying them at the Yamanaka's, where Ino would always glance at him in silent understanding.

One morning, on his way to her tomb, he spotted a young shinobi leaving a white lilly for her. When he came by, the child spoke without a care, like they were acquaintances. "This is Sakura-san's, right?"

"Hn." It wasn't really an answer, but the child seemed to understand anyway.

"You know? Mama and big sister are also buried in these grounds... I always talk to them and tell them about my day and stuff I want them to know!" He turned to the Uchiha, a smirk on his cherubic face. "I'm sure she would appreciate it as well." And just like that, he left without another word.

Sasuke sat on the ground, just in front of the stone, mismatched eyes half lidded. Sensing no one in the vicinity, he exaled a shaky breath, and his dam opened up, the words longing to be said broke the silence he had been wrapping around himself since he knew of her death:

"I miss you... I've been missing you since I first left."

#naruto #sasusaku #team 7 #naruto uzumaki #kakashi hatake #sakura haruno #sasuke uchiha #tsunade senju #post war #fanfiction #sai #ino yamanaka #angst

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fallinfl0wers · 3 years

Note

May request prompt

"Even if we're far apart, I'll keep singing for you with all my love." Unbalance Shadow - ZOOL

For Haruka from i7 please?

7. “Even if we’re far apart, I’ll keep singing for you with all my love.” Unbalance Shadow - ZOOL from the lyric prompt list! thank you for your request!! i love haruka so so so much, he's my favorite character in i7! >< also! i'm trying a slightly new format that i'll be aplying to my future posts! i'll also start editing the old ones just beause,, yeah i think it looks cute. the colored letters aren't part of the format, but i felt like they fit here so lol on a slightly sadder note, the first draft of this got deleted on accident and i had been sulking about it for a while but lol here we are warnings: gn reader, light hurt/comfort, fluff, long-distance relationships, set sometime in the future of i7's story, though this is pretty much fluff without plot,,, word count: 1623 words

"Up next are Natsume-san and Isumi-san, three minutes!" the voice of a staff member makes him look up from the screen of his phone, where he had been aimlessly scrolling down on his SNS while the hairstylists did his hair.

"Yeah, understood." He answers, putting his phone down on the table as a makeup artist retouches his makeup.

The young idol then walked alongside his unitmate to enter the dark stage, adjusting his in-ear monitor as he sat down on the chair preppared for him beforehand, surrounded by the expectant, excited whispers of the audience who waved their lightsticks in support for their favorite idols. Scanning the audience with his eyes, he clutched his microphone.

The spotlights landed on the two idols as the music started to play and they could hear the cheering of their fans before they quieted down, in order to hear their singing.

"I wandered, lost in my loneliness like a desert without roads."

Haruka Isumi didn't need anyone at his side to be the best, everyone will just drop him the moment the next shiny, newest toy appears in front of them. At least, that's what his experience had taught him.

"There, a single, tiny flower became the melody of love."

Then everything happened. ZOOL happened. But more importantly, you happened.

He, who didn't care for almost anything anymore, became infatuated with you. He fell in love with you, who always looked at him and appreciated him, you, who always supported him and never laughed at him.

"My tears suddenly fell, shaking the green leaves."

You, who helped him through each and every one of his worst moments and were there to laugh with him during his best moments, you, who were both his best friend and his dear, dear lover.

"Wow, 'the weaker you become...'"

You, who always supported him on his dreams and were the first one to congratulate him on everything he achieved.

You, who he was now supporting as you walked to your own dreams.

You, who were walking towards your dreams, far, far away from him.

"(So, don't look back)."

"'...the kinder...'"

You, who he hoped woke up earlier than usual today just to see him singing live even if it was through a computer.

"(Sharing, big love)."

"'...you'll become.' Your gentle warmth taught me that."

You, who taught him everything he knew about romantic love, who showed him that there was more to people than hatred and betrayal. So warm and gentle, you always made him feel like he belonged somewhere.

But you're not next to him, not anymore. Not physically, at least.

But, that's alright. It hurts, it hurts so much and it makes him anxious constantly even if he'd never admit it out loud. But that's alright.

"Like the falling rain, we are not alone."

That's alright, even if it hurts and it brings scary, unwanted thoughts into his mind, it's alright. It's alright, because he knows you're doing what you love just like he is.

And it's alright, because he's not the weak, arrogant crybaby he was when you met. He's stronger now, he has grown up, he's mature. He can handle this. He can keep this going. He can support you without crying every night for your absence.

"Beneath this wide sky, even if you're on the other side of the world, I'm thinking--"

"--of you again today."

It's alright, because he knows you've grown up as well, he knows neither of you is a stupid, oh so stupid and inexperienced highschooler like when you first met. He knows, you both can be stronger than this distance.

"(Unbalance, Unbalance)."

"Look, the crescent moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

He knows this, and still...

He can't help but get worried, sometimes.

"(Unbalance, Unbalance)."

"I want to envelop everything..."

He can't help but worry that you'll get tired of this. Tired of him always being busy, of your schedules never matching, of how he still has to keep you as a secret to protect you from the tabloids and his crazed fans. Worry that you might find someone who has less trouble giving affection, someone who can love you better than him.

Though all his worries wash away, everytime you send him a picture of his newest merchandise that just arrived to your apartment and a cute stamp through RabbitChat at ungodly hours for him, followed by the usual voice note saying 'i love you'.

He knows you have your own fears about it all, as well. But he's told you, over and over again, without ever feeling annoyed, that he only has eyes for you, no matter how many pretty actresses and idols try to snatch him away, the only person he loves in that way is you and only you.

There has never been anyone else but you inside his heart.

You're the only one Haruka wants to spend his whole life with, the only one who can fully understand him and love him.

"...Just as the gentle wind loves the sea..."

And no matter how longer you may have to be apart, how many people you both will meet and how many worries there will be in between before you can next meet again, he wants to and will make sure to remind you daily that he loves you and will love you until he takes his last breath.

"Even if we're far apart, I'll keep singing for you with all my love."

He lifts his gaze to look at the camera with a content sparkle hidden in his eyes, once his next line comes around.

"I wish you--"

("I got a scholarship to finish my college studies overseas, Haruka!" You told him a couple years ago.)

"--happiness."

("I'll be here waiting for you to comeback when you're ready." He called your name that night at the airport, hugging you close before you took off.)

"This seed of happiness that I touched exists to protect the person I love."

("It must be hard for you, isn't it? You don't need to call me every day if you're too tired to do it. I can wait for as long as you need.")

"Our words dissolve in the twilight."

("Nonsense! I... am, tired, but! You must be tired too, right? Get some rest, I'll hang up if you promise you're going to rest too!")

"That seed of happiness that you touched reaches out to someone I don't know."

("I saw that selfie you posted with those two from ainana, I'm so happy to see you really have friends!" "Why did you even doubt that?!" "I worry about you, since I can't see you everyday and all that...")

"Because the circle of love that connects us lights up tomorrow."

("I miss you." "I know, I miss you too." "Let's try to meet during my summer break?" "I already told you, didn't I? I can wait for as long as you need, dummy.")

"Look, it has started to rain."

("Isn't it almost midnight there? Go to sleep." "But I wanna talk more with you..." "You're so hopeless... Go on, sleep, I'm not going anywhere until you sleep." "Hehehe, can I get a lullaby from you before I sleep?" "There's no helping it, right? You really get needy when it's late at night." "But you love anyway, so it works out...~")

"I want to envelop everything, Shadow."

("...Yeah, I love you.")

"Today's live was amazing, Haruka!" Your voice tells him through the phone while he layed down on his bed, late at night in his timezone. "Everyone was so cool, but you were the coolest! The whole time you were on screen I was all like 'Yes this is my boyfriend just look at him go he's so amazing!!!'"

He chuckled at your words, a loving gaze softening his gaze while he listened to your voice.

"I know, right? Praise me more, praise me more~ But only after you tell me, did you sleep early yesterday to wake up early today?"

"I totally did! I wouldn't miss one of your shows if I can help it!"

Though most of the times you couldn't.

He still felt his heartbeat race up at your support.

"You're so cute, did you know that?"

"Eh-? Why tell me that all of a sudden?!"

"Because..." He yawned. "I want to." You went silent for a second, before speaking again.

"You're tired, aren't you? You should go to sleep..."

"No... wanna talk to you more..."

He can already hear your tender smile just from your words alone.

"Go ahead, Haruka. You did well today, you deserve some rest."

"Do I get a lullaby from you to sleep?"

You chuckled.

"Yeah, of course. You are so needy when it's late at night..."

"Like you're one to talk."

"I know, I know."

He smiles, hearing you giggle through the phone.

"I wish I could hold you until you fell asleep right now... But since I can, you'll have to do with me singing my new favorite song for you~"

"'s okay, I like your voice. I'd listen to your voice the whole day if you wanted me to."

"Then... I'll start..." You cleared your throat, and he couldn't help but smile to himself again when he heard the lyrics of his duet song with Minami.

You're not a singer like he is, and you of course haven't trained your voice for as long as he has, he knows that and he still loves the sound of your singing voice.

He drifts off to sleep with your voice as his lullaby, and he knows you both hold true to the lyrics for as long as you need to.

"Even if we're far apart, I'll keep singing for you with all my love...~"

#idolish7 #idolish seven #idolish7 headcanons #idolish7 x reader #haruka isumi #idolish7 zool #idolish7 imagines #haruka isumi x reader #isumi haruka x reader #isumi haruka #melodywritings #melwritesainana

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 3 years

Text

Stay With Me (Pt. 08 of 09)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Daryl found you surrounded by the dead, stuck in the backseat of a car. You were wishing for death to take you away for quite a while now, but, as you slid back and forth into consciousness, there was only one thing keeping you alive. Him, the man with blue, worried eyes and kind voice. Your beaten up body was ready to give up, too wounded and broken to keep going. But this man, who went out of his way to save your life is the only thing in the world holding you up. And, because of him, you feel something you haven't felt in a very long time: hope. Wherever he's taking you, you want to get there, and not only to be buried. For what it feels like the very first time, you want to live. He takes you back to Alexandria, but even there, the nightmares and the terror from all the torture and pain you've been through keeps creeping closer, and Daryl, your hero, is the only one who can keep that all away.

Warnings: Mentions and description (not graphic) of past abuse; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); some violence at the end of the story (a little bit graphic, but not so much); blood.

<- Previous part (07)

Next part (09)->

{The Walking Dead Masterlist}

I want to thank my awesome friend @jodiereedus22, who helped me (and still does) a lot to get this story done. She's also a writer and she's amazing so please go check her work!!

Nightmare

It's amazing to know you're excited about the party. Luke is two months old, and since you had a welcome party in-store, you turned it into a birthday party. It'll happen later tonight, by nightfall, and you're enjoying the last moments before you have to leave the bedroom and start organizing things.

After brushing your teeth and hair, you leave the bathroom, smiling to see Daryl still lied in bed. He seems peaceful, eyes closed, so handsome in the morning light. You've been wanting to tell him something, it's been a while... But you never get the right time. Or maybe you're just a little scared...

But looking at him now, it just fades away. You and Daryl have been in a solid relationship, and despite the short time, things have been amazing. Perfect. Carol is even talking about moving out, so you and Daryl can have your own space, but you don't want to push her to it. In the privacy of your bedroom, you're fine. And living with Carol is nice.

“Hey, D.” You say in a soft voice, going to the bed and climbing on top of him. Daryl grunts something, his eyes opening, hands coming to your hips and waist. “Are you awake?”

“I am now that a kitten came to lie down on me.” He mumbles as you move up until your face is at the same level as his. You place your legs around his hips, hands sustaining your weight on each side of his head.

“Sorry.” You mutter, moving to stand up. But Daryl's grip gets tighter, and you let yourself fall, collapsing against his chest, giggling. “Alright, alright. But listen up now...”

“What is it?” He brings a hand to your face, fingers caressing your chin.

“Uhm...” Blushing a little, you clear your throat. “I... I think... No, I do.”

Daryl raises an eyebrow, and you can tell he's trying to figure it out on his own. “Ya wanna break apart?” He bursts out suddenly. “ ‘Cause if that's what ya want, I–”

“Oh, yeah. Definitely.” You say in a sarcastic tone, rolling your eyes. “I'm literally on top of you, Daryl Dixon. How can you possibly think I want to end things?” Moving to sit up, straddling his hips, you cross your arms. “What do you have in this pretty head of yours? Only hunting skills?”

“Yer very funny.” In a sudden motion, Daryl pulls you down again, switching positions so he's on top of you instead. “What is it then?” He asks, his face way too close.

“Can I kiss you first?”

“Nah. Ya got me curious.”

“Alright...” Taking a deep breath, you gather up some courage to push the words out. “I want a baby.” Shrugging your shoulders, you giggle at Daryl's funny face. “What?”

“Don't ya have one already?”

“Yeah...” Mumbling, you wrap your arms around his neck. “Daryl?”

“Huh?”

“I want another baby.” Smirking, you place a kiss on his lips. He's fast to kiss you back, a hand cupping your cheek. “So. What do you think?” You ask when you pull away.

“How are ya plannin’ to get one?”

You're not sure if his intention was to make you blush, but you're blushing anyway. “Uhm... First I need to get married.”

“Get married? People don't care about these things anymore.” He answers quickly, and you wonder if you went too far. Maybe it's way too early, and these thoughts should be kept inside your heart for a while longer.

“I know but... That's exactly why I care.” Sighing, you avoid his eyes. “I'm sorry, we haven't talked about this and I don't even know if–”

“Hey, calm down.” With his thumb and index finger on your chin, he makes you look at him again. You always appreciates Daryl's touch, it doesn't matter how small it is. It took a while for him to get comfortable enough to do this so easily, and you never take it for granted. He's always gentle as if you're a porcelain doll. He's never rough, never violent, not with you. Loving Daryl happened fast and strong, and it's a feeling that only grows, every passing day. “Ya wanna talk about it we'll talk about it.”

“It's just that... I-I love you. With all my heart and... It does feel like we already have this family thing going on and...” Daryl has fallen into this father role, and he's absolutely amazing with Luke. He can make him fall asleep in minutes, and you love to watch as he rocks the baby to sleep. And those moments always get your mind racing. He's already being such a good father so maybe he'd like a baby of his own... And you'd like to give him that. “...It got me thinking.”

“I love ya too, babygirl. But marriage... It would bound you with me on a whole different level.” Daryl sits up, and you follow his movement, your arms still around his neck, keeping him close. “I wanna make sure ya have the choice ta’ walk away when ya want to.”

“I won't walk away, Dixon. I love you.” He needs to be reassured of that from time to time, but you don't mind. You want to spend the rest of your life making sure Daryl knows he's loved. That he's desired and wanted. “I want to be with you for the rest of my life and if that's what you want too... You know, I'm a girlish girl, I'd like to get married someday, and honestly, if not with you then I won't marry anyone else.” Shrugging your shoulders, you look down, a shiver rolling down your spine, feeling his fingers caressing your bare thigh.

“Ya sure ya want this? With me? Are ya sure about what yer talking about?”

“I am.” You mutter in a low voice, blushing. “I am.” Repeating in a low voice, you kiss him, slowly at first, but soon enough his taste overcomes everything, and you think he feels the same since he deepens the kiss. Pulling him down again, you smile when his hand touches a ticklish spot on your side.

“Hey, you two!” Carol calls, knocking on the door. “Wake up. There's a lot to do today.”

Daryl grunts in response, not pulling away from the kiss.

But Carol is right. It'll be a long day and both you and Daryl have stuff to get ready for the party.

The day passes by quickly since you're helping everyone a little. The only thing you can't do is lift heavy stuff. Daryl forbade it, with Denise backing him up, you have no idea for how long. The party will happen at Rick's house since the living room is the biggest, and you spend hours there decorating everything. You try not to think too much about all the people who will be here tonight. You know them, you befriended them, they won't hurt you.

When it's finally time to go, you're impressed by how you feel. Happy, not scared, and actually excited. You never thought stuff like this would ever happen again. It's silly, but it keeps people sane, said Deanna. The sun is making its way to the horizon when you're getting dressed. You chose to wear a dress Daryl brought you from one of his runs. It's a light shade of blue, with thin straps and a nice cleavage in the back, reaching a few inches below the mid of your thighs. You never wear anything that will show the scar on your leg, you don't like it. Nor what it represents. You're putting on your flats when Daryl comes out of the bathroom, hair still damp, but completely dressed. He's wearing what he usually wears, always dark colors, but you don't mind. You really like it.

“Are you ready?” You ask, turning on your heels to face him. Daryl doesn't answer, eyes locked on you, lingering for so long it makes you blush. “D? Cat got your tongue?”

“Nah, it just...” He looks down at his feet before making his way over you. “Ya look beautiful, that's all.”

“Thanks.” Smiling shyly, you tiptoe to kiss him. “But I'll need a coat for when the night falls... Mind if I get one of yours?”

“Won't ya ever stop stealin’ my clothes?” Daryl fakes an annoyed tone, but it takes two seconds for his lips to break into a smile.

“Well, you stole my heart, Dixon. I'm just looking for revenge.” Winking at him, you search on the wardrobe for one of his jackets. “Now let's get going. Maggie and I baked this brownies and I'm dying for one.” Grabbing the jacket, you take his hand and leave the bedroom.

Carol is already there, so you just have to take little Luke and head out. He wants Daryl this time, so he's the one carrying him to Rick's place. As you walk there, the wind messes with your hair, and you try to keep it from your face.

“Who are the new residents, by the way?” You just remembered them. If the day wasn't so hectic, you'd ask Daryl to introduce you to them, just so you could know their faces before having to meet them at the party.

“Two men. Aaron found them starving to death a hundred miles Northwest. They're alright I guess. Since Deanna allowed them to stay.” Daryl reassures you, his free hand taking yours. “Ya ok?”

“Yeah... I'm excited, actually.” As you climb the few steps to the porch, Luke giggles, you're not sure why. “Right, little one?” Stopping by the front door, you step closer to the baby in Daryl's arm. “Are you excited too? For your party? Two months old already, you're growing up so fast.” You're still baby-talking when the door is opened, a smiley Carl gesturing for you to get in.

“C'mon, let's get ya those brownies,” Daryl says as you step inside.

It takes no time for people to come to talk to Luke, him becoming the center of attention. He throws himself on Maggie's arms, who happily welcomes him.

“(Y/N),” Rick says and you turn on your heels to talk to him. Daryl remains close, and you know why. But you feel fine, comfortable around these people. “Judith said a funny word this morning. I wonder where she learned it.” He has his hands on his hips, and you innocently shrug your shoulders.

“What word?”

“Damn it,” Daryl answers, not a hint of doubt in his voice. Rick nods, raising his eyebrow.

“Oh my gosh. Where could she have heard such a thing?” She learned it from you because that's what you exclaim almost a hundred times a day and that's not really a secret anymore. “I'm sure she said something like ‘dang it’ so I don't see how that's my fault. ‘Dang it’ it's not that bad is it?”

“Well, I think–”

“(Y/N). Daryl.” Deanna calls, and you give Rick a smirk, meaning you're happy to be saved from this conversation. Turning around, you focus on Deanna. “Come, you're the only ones who haven't met Michael and Daniel yet.”

“Ok.” You can't help but feel a little anxious to meet new people, so you grab Daryl's arm as you follow Deanna through the living room.

“Over here.” She gestures, a kind smile on her lips. “This is Daniel, and Michael, they were found–”

Her words fade when both men turn to look at you. Their faces are unmistakable, and you feel yourself sinking, skin burning, head spinning as it all comes back.

Their voices, touches, and threats. You're suddenly back there, in the darkness, starving, freezing, waiting, wishing for death to come before they did. You're in the basement where your screams used to echo. All of your wounds start hurting, pulsing, as if they were reopened, all over again.

You never got the names, but you'll never forget the faces. One of them, the you thought looked like Rick, has a smile on his lips. The same sick, wicked smile, the same he had every time he went to see you, never failing to draw some blood.

“Hi, (Y/N).” He says, in the same tone he used to. Low, dark, more animal than human.

What happens next is a blur. There's yelling, and Daryl suddenly isn't by your side anymore. He's a blur, moving towards both men, drawing punches. You're pulled back by someone, you don't know where, but you know it isn't Daryl. You know his touch by heart, and it's the only touch you want.

“Let go of me!” You yell, pushing whoever that was, sinking, falling backward until you hit a wall. You want to disappear again, to vanish from existence. With both hands covering your ears, you push yourself into the wall, hoping it'll absorb you, hide you.

“Take them. Now.”

“The trial happens tomorrow.”

“Lock those assholes up.”

“Enjoy your last night on Earth.”

The words have no meaning, they just keep echoing. The low chattering, the many footsteps... Why are you still here? Why can't you be strong for once and just run? Run where? If they're here... Where else could you go?

“Babygirl,” his low, calming voice is like a beacon, lighting up the darkness, bringing you back, pulling you into consciousness again. Into life.

Moving just a little, hands off your ears and muscles relaxing, you look at him, immediately running to his arms. “They're here. They're here, they... They found me.”

“Alright, calm down now.” He holds you tight, a hand rubbing your back. “Let's get ya outta here.”

Nodding, you offer no resistance when he picks you up. You keep your eyes closed, face hidden on the crook of his neck as you float away. It feels like the first time, when he was carrying you from the infirmary into what's now your house.

You flinch a little when you're pulled down, suddenly recognizing your bed and curling up, pulling the blankets over your head.

“How is she?”

“I don't know.” Daryl sounds angry, furious. “I'll kill them right now.”

“No, Daryl. The trial will be tomorrow. You know they'll die for what they did”

“I don't care!”

“You need to stay with her now.”

You know it's Carol, but still, you want her to go. You need everyone to go away now, you just need Daryl. You need to... Go away. Alexandria isn't safe anymore. You rather face the dead.

Silently, moved by fear, you get up, taking the dress off, and struggling with the first pair of jeans you find.

“(Y/N),” Daryl calls, but you ignore him, sight blurred by the tears as you put a shirt on. “Hey, (Y/N).” You don't know what to take... You just need to leave. These walls won't keep you safe anymore. If you stay... You know they'll find you again.

“I'm leaving.” You mumble, looking around and finding the white sneakers you left by the edge of the bed and putting them on.

“What–”

“I'm leaving! I can't stay here. If I stay here it'll happen all over again.” You're yelling, sitting on the bed, sobbing. “They're here, they'll take me again, they-they–”

“Shh, yer ok.” Daryl pulls you up, into his arms, and you melt. The sobs are muffled by this jacket, and your tears are certainly soaking the fabric. “Look at me, babygirl. Look at me.” Slowly, you raise your head, his blue eyes acting immediately, like a medicine made only for you. “There's a place I can take ya for the night. But ya need to be here tomorrow. To officialize their crime so I can kill those–”

“Take me away, please.” You beg, holding onto him as if he's the only thing keeping you sane. Alive. Because he is. “Please, if I stay here I'll–”

“Alright, alright.” He nods, a hand caressing your cheek. “Let's go then. C'mon.”

Everything happens in the background, you feel. Carol stays by your side in the porch, guiding you to the car Daryl took to drive you away. You barely feel your body now, out on the street, feeling their eyes on you... Their eyes, evil and disgusting, as they lust over you. You know they're not here, but still, you feel them. Wanting you to cave in, to agree to fulfill their needs in the most vile, degrading ways. You're hyperventilating when the gate opens, the woods before you suddenly looking far safer than these walls.

When Daryl crosses the gate, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, lungs burning. The sun is coming down, so there are a some shadows creeping in... But it's better out here. The wall will keep them inside, you hope.

“Babygirl,” Daryl says, getting your attention. “We're almost there, alright?”

“Ok.” You mumble, and Daryl puts a hand on your knee.

“Nothin’ will hurt ya. Never again. M’ gonna keep that promise.”

Holding his hand, your eyes meet his when he gives you a glance.

Around ten minutes later, Daryl stops the car. You haven't noticed before, but he parked in front of a small, wooden house. It looks like it was some kind of cabin in the woods since there are no other constructions around it. “C'mon.” He says when he opens the passenger door for you. Your legs feel a little weak, but you manage to stand up, immediately looking around. “There's nobody here, I promise ya.”

Nodding, you let him guide you inside, a flashlight on his hand. Daryl unlocks the door, and you wonder why he has the key to this thing. When you step in, the light coming from in between the planks on the windows helps you see the interior. There is a cough and a coffee table, you recognize it despite the dark plastic covering both things. Walking further in, you peak at the kitchen. Everything is clean and has a plastic placed over them. It kinda looks live someone used to live here not too long ago.

“I found this place a while ago.” Daryl starts, placing his backpack on the floor. “Was fixin’ it, cleanin’... So I could bring ya here every once in a while.” He gestures at the whole place in general, and you take another look around. He did say he'd try to find a place he could take you outside Alexandria, but you never thought it would be this good. “Still has a lot to do. Gonna put electricity, runnin’ water will be more complicated but I'll do it.”

“You're doing all that for me?” You whisper, hoping the dim light will hide your blushing cheeks.

“Yeah... Wanted to bring ya here under different circumstances but...” He takes the bag again, gesturing at the hall. “First door to the right it's our bedroom.”

Following his direction, you open the door to a small bedroom with a double bed, also covered with black plastic. The windows have wooden planks on it too, but there's enough space in between them so let some light come in.

“Here, lemme’–” Daryl drops the bag, walking over the bed and removing the plastic. Underneath, the light green sheets seem comfortable and you get it now why everything is covered up. To keep it clean. “Ya can lie down it ya want to. Brought some blankets.” As you move to the bed, Daryl searches in the bag, picking up two blankets and fixing them on the bed. “Ya hungry? Or thirsty? I brought–”

“I just need you, Daryl.” You whisper, drying off some tears that are still rolling down. “Can you come here?”

“Of course, babygirl.” Quickly, he leaves the bag behind and joins you in bed. Daryl pulls you close, you head on his chest as his arms hold you tightly, keeping you safe.

“I hope this is just a nightmare... That I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be gone.” Mumbling, you push yourself even closer to him, if that's even possible.

“I'll kill them myself, I swear.” There's a fire in his voice, hate. You've never heard him talking like that, his chest vibrating powerfully. “I'll wipe them off the face of Earth.”

Involuntary, your hand finds its way to your leg, to the scar. The pain is a vivid memory today, and for a moment you feel like you should lie down, as motionless as you can so it won't hurt. So the stitches won't rip again.

How is it possible that all the horrible memories came back all at once? On one second? “I-if I didn't have you, I... I'd die today, I know I would.”

“Nah, ya wouldn't.” Moving, he brings his index finger to your chin, making you look at him. “Yer stronger than ya give yourself credit for. Ya don't see it, but I do.” Then, he places a soft, sweet kiss on your lips, which is sadly, too brief. “But I will protect ya. Always, until my days are over.”

“Daryl, I–”

“I wanna marry ya.” He bursts out, his low voice burning through your head as you wonder if you heard him right. “When this is over and those monsters are dead... I wanna marry ya.”

Despite the terror, creeping through your skin, the darkness threatening to swallow you again, you smile. Everything fades away, and a different kind of happiness washes over you. A type of bliss you didn't even know existed. Unable to control yourself, you climb over him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love you,” you mutter, not giving him the chance to answer, connecting your lips on his in a loving, passionate kiss.

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