#i wouldn't have read any of those if i still afraid of bad words and still in that 'love the sinner' mindset

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 15: What Do You Know About Love?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter fifteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.5K (I got carried away again)

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Crying,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

**************************************

Present Day *Reader POV*

The shopping bags that hung from your arms would have been heavy for the average person, but for you it seemed like a bag full of pillows. It was the day after you saw Rosemary and said goodbye. Despite the almost excruciating hangover you had this morning, because it'd been almost forty years since you last had a drink, you dragged yourself to the mall to try and find outfits for your trip to Russia. You were satisfied with the few outfits you found, but you were worried because the plane left in a few hours and you were no where near ready.

Mentally or physically.

As much as you wanted to go help Ben, you still were apprehensive about the whole situation, not just about going in blind, but wondering what the hell you were going to do when you saw Ben. You wanted to hold on to your anger, but you were afraid that the moment you looked into his green eyes you would forgive him.

I am not going to forgive him. I'm going to break him out then tell him to fuck off and I never have to see him ever again.

Despite your apprehension, you knew that you had to do this, that you had to go help him even if you still hated him because you couldn't bear the thought of the boy you grew up with being tortured over there all alone. It was the alone part that hurt the most. You knew how much Ben hated being alone. He never had to say it out loud, but all the time you'd spent together in your bedroom before and after the injection spoke volumes.

Of course you still had no idea where you were going, but figured that if you went to the Kremlin you could get some answers, which meant you'd either have to lie your way in or just kill anyone in your path. Which would be messy, but necessary. You try to shake off the guilt of exposing yourself again and what that could mean for Rosemary and Lou. You made sure that Rosemary knew to pack a bag for herself and for Lou and told her to wait for your call.

You wanted to be there to escort them out of the city, didn't want to split up and have them get snagged while you were waiting for them at the rendezvous point, so you told Rosemary to take a few days off and lay low.

When you get to the outside door of your apartment building toting the bags, you notice that it's been broken, as if someone tried to pull it off its hinges.

Well that's great. Hopefully the building manager noticed that.

Your mind drifts back to Ben as you step into the elevator.

What if he isn't alive when I get there? It was an unwelcome thought, but it meant that you wouldn't have to talk to him.

 Maybe if I knock him out when I get there and just leave him in a Russian motel somewhere, I won't have to talk to him. You pause. Will he want to talk to me? 

The memory of the last time you spoke flashes through your mind bringing an unmeasurable amount of rage and heartbreak back over your body. The dam you built to keep out everything that happened was reaching capacity, especially given the recent events with Countess, and you knew that the moment you saw Ben it was going to burst open. You hoped that you'd be able to keep it together long enough to get out of the lab or wherever the hell he was being held, before you lost it. But it was doubtful.

As you walk down the hallway to you apartment, you notice that your front door is open and you stop walking. Apprehension spikes at the back of your mind as you examine the door. The lock is broken and  door is cracked just enough for you to hear people talking inside in hushed tones. You creep forward and look through the crack.

You've got to be kidding me. You groan to yourself noticing Butcher and Hughie standing in your living room.

Great. Just what I need. Right when I'm going to leave they show up. Guess that explains the mystery of the broken door downstairs.

You think about walking away, of going back down the elevator and hoping that by the time you come back they would be gone, but you knew you had to face them and you still had to pack. So you push open the front door of your apartment and step into the room.

"You know when I called saying that I had something else to say about Soldier Boy, I assumed you would call, not break into my apartment." You sigh before moving to the right side of the counter that divides the room between the living room and the kitchen and depositing the shopping bags on the stainless steel top.

"Maybe you shouldn’t leave your apartment unlocked poppet. Anyone could walk in." Butcher replies with a grin.

"Hmm. Sure. You guys here for more coffee?"

"Go shopping did you?" Butcher ignores your snark eyeing the bags.

"Yeah I needed a few new outfits for my art show next month." The lie is easy, but you know that the sudden appearance of the two of them probably meant you were caught red handed. Of course now with everything that happened with Countess, you didn't care anymore if Butcher and Hughie knew who you really were. "You doing okay there Hughie?" You raise an eyebrow as you notice how his heartbeat has spiked since you entered the apartment.

"Good." He says, but he looks uneasy.

Well, guess he's afraid of me now.

"Huh. And here I thought you were replacing your jacket." Butcher throws your ruined jacket onto the floor between you.

You look from the jacket to Butcher. You hadn't bought a replacement and hadn't wanted to throw it out. You were still hoping that the scorch marks looked like you had "distressed" it. It didn't and you knew that, but you loved that coat so much.

"See, I think it’s a big coincidence that Countess got right fucked after we came and talked to you." Butcher smiles.

"Probably the same coincidence as Gunpowder dying before you showed up here the first time." You breeze with a tight-lipped smile.

Where was he going with this? Was he here to kill me? You think about what Legend said about Butcher killing supes.

"That looks bad." Butcher gestures to the jacket. "You have a little spat with your good friend?”

"Let's just say she said a few things that upset me." Your eyes skate from Butcher to Hughie sizing them up. "If you're here to kill me, you're welcome to try. Oh sorry,  'arrest me'." You make air quotes around the words. "But we both know you're not government agents, you reek of Compound V and the last time I checked there was that whole, no supes in the government thing."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get this out of the way the first time?" Hughie asks.

"I didn't want to be involved." You shrug your shoulders.

"Then why you'd buy a plane ticket to Russia?" Butcher takes a step towards you, but you hold your ground.

You weren't afraid of him.

"I hear it's nice this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold. Very pleasant." You snap back at him eyes narrowed, before you look down at the antique watch on your wrist. "Look I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I just don't have time to do this little dance with you. So we can either get to the part where you try to kill me or-" You raise your gaze from the watch to glare back at Butcher, but then your eyes focus on the hallway behind him and your heart stops.

Ben is standing there in the shadows looking at you the same way he always has, with those wonderful piercing green eyes that makes all other memories of them be put to shame. He's dressed in modern clothes, wearing a dark green shirt that hugs his perfect muscular chest and is the same color of his suit, your favorite color and the one you can never look at without thinking of him because damn it, it's also the color of his eyes. He looks the same, but different. His hair is longer and darker than it was the last time you saw him and his cheeks are covered by a trimmed but thick beard. It was unusual given that you'd never seen him with more than just a little bit of stubble and annoying because it makes him look even more ruggedly handsome, but despite the piercing way his eyes follow you, you can see a haunting memory of the last forty years.

You're upset that the one of the first thoughts you'd had beside staring at him open mouthed is that you wished you were wearing something more flattering than one of your pairs of paint splattered overalls over an old band t-shirt. You were going to Russia to get him and yes maybe you were shopping for things that you could move in, but you had picked out a particular revenge outfit that you believed would make Ben regret everything he did to you and also might have been paired with a particularly badass set of boots that made your legs look very long. The outfit that made you feel beautiful and sexy was unlike the one you were wearing at the moment. Also because you hadn't brushed your hair today and had just stuck it up in a messy bun at the back of your head.

You're struck with the urge to run to him and kill him at the same time, but you can't move and you can’t think.

Apart of you believed that you would find him dead in Russia, a sad thought but it meant that you wouldn't have to relive everything all over again. Everything that went to shit the last 24 hours you spent together that you relived with Countess the other day and now you were reliving when you looked at him standing there looking better than he should.

Because damn it, only Ben could be tortured in a lab for the past 40 years and walk away looking like a GQ model. I've never hated anyone more.

"Ben?" Your voice is no more than a hoarse whisper.

Ben pushes past Hughie and Butcher, taking careful steps towards you like he doesn't want to scare you away. "Y/n." The sound of your name on his lips fills you with an inescapable amount of warmth.

Traitor. You think to yourself at your body’s reaction.

He's standing so close to you now that you can smell the same shampoo and aftershave he always used and it brings back memories of the nights he spent in your bed with you laughing and talking like nothing had changed making you feel alive again for the first time in forty years. Before everything went into the blender set to puree.

Ben's eyes trace your body like he can't believe you're standing in front of him making you wish again that you're wearing the outfit you picked out so that you could look as good as he does. And just as he raises his hand towards your face you remember why you hated him, remember that night, remember what Countess said that caused her to lose her head.

Your hand flashes out so quick you don't think Ben notices it until it lands with a resounding slap against his cheek that sends him reeling back from you. Your strengths were similar, almost identical, and if he hadn't been invulnerable it would have ripped his perfect jaw from his face.

"What the fuck was that for?" Ben snaps, green eyes blazing as he looks back at you.

"You've got some nerve coming back here after all these years." You spit, the anger rising in your chest with wings of fury that beat against your ribcage. "Did you really think that you could just say my name again and make me forget everything that happened Benjamin? I am not one of those trashy women that you used to fuck and the fact that you think you can show up here, give me the fucking puppy dog eyes, and think that I’ll swoon, is ridiculous!”

There goes the dam.

Your gaze levels on Hughie and Butcher who look just as stunned. "And you two. Why did you bring him here? I didn’t want any part of this!”

"Why did you pretend to be dead!" Hughie shouts back.

"Did you think that maybe that was me trying to tell you that I didn't want to be involved? Or are you two just that fucking stupid?"

"Why did you buy a plane ticket then?" Butcher asks again, raising an eyebrow.

Ben is watching you with anger burning in his eyes. It's difficult for you to look at him. Every time you do you think about your last night together, the morning after when he pushed you away, and finally the night where he ripped out your heart and stomped all over it.

How did I ever think I could look at him again when I got him out of Russia?

"Because even though I hate him. He doesn't deserve that. The Ben I knew would have come to get me, and I wasn't going to leave him to rot in some fucking Russian prison." You snap back. "Now get out of my apartment."

"Sweetheart-" Ben begins to say.

"No. No. No. I don't want to hear it from you. Nothing you can say can make this better. I’m glad you’re free or whatever, but go. Get out." You push past him, but Ben's hand flashes out and grabs your wrist with enough force that you feel the bruising of your skin.

"No." He towers over you.

"Let. Me. Go." Your eyes narrow shifting to bright purple. The entire room begins to tremble, the glass windows shake in their panes and the glass jars full of paint brushes on your studio table begin to clink against one another. But he doesn't remove his hand.

"Not until you listen." Ben's own green eyes have hardened into a emerald.

You latch onto the wrist that is holding you and break his grip, before spinning and throwing him backward across the room away from you. Ben's body flies past Hughie and Butcher who watch with wide eyes as he hits the back of the couch and pinwheels over it with a loud thud as he lands on the cushions. You would have rather thrown him into the brick living room wall, but you restrained yourself.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Benjamin. You said enough that night and apparently you were saying lots of things to Countess about me. So get out." Your eyes skate across Butcher and Hughie. "All of you."

Hughie is still watching you with wide eyes, like he can't believe that just happened.

Join the club kid.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben shouts, standing from the couch and straightening his clothes. You don't need to be a psychic to know how angry he is. In fact, you're surprised he's not throwing you out the window or at least throwing a punch. Ben didn't tolerate it when anyone put him in his place and it definitely looks like it's taking him an extreme amount of effort not to attack you, given the way his hands are clenched into fists and the way his jaw is tensed so tightly you can see the muscle flexing.

"She told me what you said about me. That you threw me a pity fuck because you felt sorry for me, that you were bored when we had sex because I was so inexperienced."

"It's not true."

"Isn’t it?" You're trying desperately not to cry, but the angry tears have already begun to well up in your eyes. "The last thing you sad to me was that I was pathetic and that you never would love me, never could love me. That you fucked me because you felt bad for me and you wished I would just fuck off. That I was just another warm pussy and that I meant nothing to you. So forgive me for not believing you."

"Oh shit." Butcher mutters under his breath.

"Damn." Hughie echoes.

"I know what I said to you, Y/n. I've spent the past 40 years regretting it-" Ben begins to say, but you interrupt him.

"Oh I'm so sure. The Great Soldier Boy actually has a conscience, let me just alert the media." You spit back. "Oh wait, sorry you wouldn't want that getting out would you Ben? Because that would mean you aren't a man."

"Y/n-" He growls.

"You don't get to come in here and apologize and act like you did nothing wrong. You're not here because you feel sorry, you're here because you want me to dote on you, to follow you around and give a shit like I did for 40 fucking years.”

“Y/n-“

"Stop saying my name like that!" You shout and the glass sugar dish on the counter flies off the counter and smashes into the floor sending shards of glass everywhere.

Hughie flinches.

"Like what?" Ben exclaims.

"Like you care." You cross your arms over your chest staring him down because you don't want to keep crying.

"I do fucking care about you-" Ben snaps running his hand through his dark hair frustrated.

"No you don't. You never did. You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

"Yes I do."

"Please stop talking."

"What else do you want me to say?" Ben shouts back, moving towards you. "I'm trying to fucking apologize-"

"I don't want you to say anything and I don't want to hear your half-assed apology! I want you to leave. You and your creepy friends." You gesture back to where Hughie and Butcher are watching with open mouths, who are unsure if they should leave or watch the show.

"They're not my friends."

"And neither am I! Which means I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say!”

"Y/n please-" His teeth are gritted together.

“I'm not some fangirl Ben. I was your friend, your friend before any of this. Before any of this fucking supe shit. I cared about you. I had been in love with you since I was 8. I had taken care of you since the night we met." More tears squeeze down your cheeks as a lifetime of happy memories before everything went down the drain wash over you. The wonderful times you'd shared together at the park, in your bedroom back in Philadelphia, dancing in the dancehall,  at baseball games and Ben walking you home all the while you wobbled down the street drunkenly and sang off key. All the blissful little moments that you thought maybe he felt the same way about you and then followed by the moments you spent together the night of your birthday, when you felt more special and loved than you'd ever had. It makes the knife he stuck in your back even sharper. 

"That night we spent together meant everything to me. I thought it was special and I thought you loved me. But you don't. You just fucked me because you were bored and you found the first person who said yes.” Your body turns away, but he grabs you by the shoulders to make you look at him.

"I do love you damnit!" He shouts. "I didn't want to-" Ben's jaw clenches in frustration, looking back at Butcher and Hughie. "Can you two just fuck off?"

"I wish you all would." You say, trying to loosen his grip on your shoulders, but he doesn't let go. You think about throwing him across the room again, because it made you feel a lot better.

"Fine. We'll be outside." Butcher says tugging Hughie away.

"Are you sure?" Hughie asks looking from you to Ben as if he's worried to leave the two of you alone.

"You want to be here? Because they're either going to kill each other or start fucking." Butcher responds.

"We are not going to start-" You begin, but they're already out the front door of your apartment leaving you alone with Ben, who is still holding on to your shoulders.

"Please listen to me." Ben says looking deep into your eyes. "When you said that you loved me it-" He stops looking for the right word as if he can't say the next ones that come out of his mouth. "Oh fuck it, it fucking scared me. Okay?  It scared me, Y/n, and damnit I'm not a pussy! I'm not afraid of anything!"

“Oh no you could never be a pussy could you? Soldier Boy could never admit that he had real feelings for someone.” Your voice wobbles, tears trailing down your cheeks as you poke him in the chest to emphasize every word. “And now you’re just saying what I want to hear, because you want to have another quick fuck!” You push your hands against his chest trying to push him off of you, but he won't let go. "You're just saying it because its been forty years since you had sex and you thought, huh might as well find the most pathetic person I know, Y/n won't say no if I pretend to be everything she wanted again."

He doesn't mean it. He doesn't love me.

"I’m not lying to you! And I’m not pretending! I wasn't pretending that night either!” Ben roars so loudly you flinch. “That night I felt things with you that I had never felt with anyone else. It wasn't cheap sex or a quick fuck-" His jaw tightens as if he's embarrassed to admit it. "Damn it.” His teeth are gritted together. “We made love. I understood that when I woke up the next morning and I was happy to be there with you. I knew that I loved you and I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up instead. I fucked Countess because I was scared of what loving you meant. But I’m ready now, I’m not scared anymore. I love you!”

He's saying everything you always wanted him to, but you're scared. Scared that he's just saying it, that he thinks it's what you want to hear and this is the only way that he can get you back into his life because he needs someone to follow him around, because he can't be alone.

You stand there for a minute taking in his stance. His head is slightly bowed in shame, shoulders tight, body leaning towards you. But then you catch his eye, you see the sorrow, frustration, and pain in his gaze. Ben was not big on sharing feelings and for him to admit all of these things aloud was shocking enough without the obvious emotions flashing in his eyes. It was so different than the stoic or pissed off attitude he usually had when he was Soldier Boy. The look in his eyes is so earnest and Ben has never been a good liar, not to you anyway. You always knew what he was thinking.

If I forgive him then what does that mean? I forget the past 40 years like they never happened? I forget all the tears when he broke my heart? Forget how broken I was? How broken I still am?

You think of all the times you missed him, all the times you forgot about what he said to you and remembered the good, all the times you wanted him there with you and Rosemary because you knew he would love to be there. All the early memories together, all the missions, everything that lead up to the falling out and Ben’s supposed death. Ben's admission of guilt and his confession of love for you was shocking. Especially because the Ben you knew 40 years ago would have rather dropped dead than say the words "make love."

No. I won't give in. I can't do this, I can't do this all over again. I was better, I was moving on, he doesn't have the right to come here and mess up my life all over again.

"No." You shout, shoving him away with all your strength. Ben stumbles backward, his eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting you to push him away, because of course he wasn't. “You don’t know anything about love. You’re just saying that because you know it’s what I want to hear, what I’ve always wanted you to say to me.”

He still doesn't understand how much he hurt me. And he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

“I’m not just saying that, it’s true. Please y/n-“

"I don't believe you. And when I said I never wanted to see you ever again I wasn't lying. So get out Ben!" You shout.

"No. I love you and I'm not leaving." Ben says back determined.

You weren't prepared for what those words did to you. You weren't prepared for the floodgate of emotions that exploded the moment those words passed through his lips or the way it felt like you were being tugged in two different directions. Because despite wanting to throw him across the room again, those three little words made you want to run into his arms and hold him close, made you want him to take you to bed and make you forget all the shitty things that happened forty years ago, make it like he never left.

But you couldn't do it. As much as you wanted to forgive him, you couldn't because you didn't trust him anymore, you didn't trust that he could give you what you wanted.

“Too bad! I won’t do this to myself again. All I did was care about you, help you. I stood by you and made excuses for the person you became and I held on to this picture of the boy you used to be. The one I fell in love with. The one that used to climb in my window when things were hard. The one that took me to my first baseball game. The one who danced with me. The one that made me feel like less of a freak because he understood me. And the one that begged me to leave Howard and everything I knew and come with him. That night we were together I saw that boy again.  I loved that boy. I would have done anything for him and I did. But he’s not here anymore. And I hate myself for holding on to him as long as I did.”

"But I told you I loved you!" Ben exclaims.

“Just saying that isn’t enough, not after everything that happened!” You shout. "You're forty years too late Benjamin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted and I’m going to go to bed. And I don’t want you to be here when I wake up.”

"Y/n please-" You hate how he sounds when he says it, like he's broken, because Ben has never once sounded that way in all the years you'd known him. You hate how he looks. How his dark hair is falling forward into his face and he looks so much like the boy you used to love that it makes you want to scream, because you wanted to believe that he was gone, but all you see when you look up at him is that boy. There is not one shred of Soldier Boy in the way he looks right now and you hate that. You hate that you wanted to forgive him, that all it took was him looking like at you like that. But you still can't do it.

"Just go." Your throat thickening as you say it, fresh tears trailing down your cheeks. "I don't want you here. I never want you to come here ever. I never want to see you again.” You lie pushing past him and walk down the dark hallway, slamming and locking your bedroom door behind you. Your body sinks to the floor as you pull your knees up into your chest, sobs shaking your body and tears pour from your eyes.

How many tears can I spend on one man? How do I still have any left after all these years? How could I have been stupid to think that I was over him? That I could just go to Russia, break him out, and then push him out of my life so easily? None of what just happened was easy.

Your face presses into your knees. You want to call Rosemary, call her and tell her what happened, but your phone is still on the counter and you couldn't go back out there, because you knew he was still there. Standing in your living room looking too perfect after all these years and saying all the things you always wanted him to and you don’t want to go out there and forgive him.

So you stay. Your back pressed against the door, crying into your knees and hoping that this will just all end.

Because it’s got to one day right?

***************************************************

*Soldier Boy POV*

He hadn't meant to reach for you, but all he wanted was to feel the gentle swell of your cheek beneath the palm of his hand, the smoothness of your skin against his rough fingertips, and to memorize the planes of your face with his touch. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. Your curves perfectly accentuated by a pair of cute paint splattered overalls that made him smile, and your hair pulled away from your face in a messy bun but still made you look effortless and striking. When he saw you standing there, it was like taking a punch to the gut. He knew that he missed you, but seeing you there warm and alive made him want to crush you against his chest and never let you go ever again.

He had laid himself bare before you, allowing himself to push through the urge  to shove all his emotions back beneath the surface as his father taught him, and spoke, instead, the words he wished that he had said all those years ago.

Ben's shoulders tense when he thinks of what you shouted back at him, how broken you looked. His heart falls into the pit of his stomach when he remembers the tears in your eyes. Ben hated it when you cried. He also hated that the first time he saw you in forty years he made you cry, again.

He didn't know how to fix this. Ben thought that his apology would be enough to make you at least try to forgive him, but it hadn't. You had shoved him away from you, refused to let him touch you or comfort you-

Why is she so damn stubborn? I apologized! I told her that I loved her! Isn’t that what she wanted?

He grits his teeth together thinking about how you threw him across the room like he weighed nothing. If anyone else had done that to him, Ben would have killed them, but he knew that he deserved it. He knew you would be mad, but he thought that you would at least want to hear everything he had to say instead of cursing him out and slamming the door in his face.

When you slammed your door behind you, he had stood outside of it for an hour listening to you cry, heard your soft muffled sobs. At one point he leaned his head against the door and wished you would let him in so he could hold you while you cried, even though the thought made him feel like a pussy. He wanted to comfort you. He wished you had forgiven him, allowed him to take you to bed, allowed him to show you how sorry he was and how much he loved you. He wished that you let him help you forget the last shitty forty years that you spent without him, forget what he said and what he did to you that night. 

The harsh words you yelled at him make him flinch, when you told him that you didn't want him there and never wanted him to come back. They were the words that he always feared you would say to him when he climbed in through your window at night or when he showed up at your apartment when you were still on Payback. And hearing you say those words felt worse than anything those Russian fucks did to him. Because Ben didn't know where he belonged if he wasn't with you, he didn't know what to do if you weren't in his life, you were the only thing that mattered.

How could I fuck this up this much?

Ben looks back at the clock on the wall in the kitchen which shows he'd been there for three hours waiting for you to come out of your room, but you hadn't. He knew it was because you fell asleep, he could hear your heart beat, your soft breath against the pillows, and the almost silent sounds you made when you slept. They were exactly the same as when he would fall asleep next to you and damn it he didn't realize how much he missed them until this exact moment.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How do I fucking fix this?

Ben stands from the couch and walks down the hallway for the millionth time to stand outside your door preparing to knock, but he didn't know what to say. He thought that he'd said enough, but judging by your reaction he hadn't.

The thought of saying anything else was difficult for him to swallow. It was hard enough to say what he had to you, but he was realizing he was going to have to delve even deeper to make you even look at him again or want to be around him. 

Finally he goes to the front door of your apartment before he looks back down the hallway. He didn't want to leave, didn't want you to wake up and him not be there despite what you said about wanting him to leave. He wanted you to understand that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was never going to leave you ever again no matter how hard you tried to push him away. But he needed to leave now, not for long, just long enough for him to get what he needed.

He had seen the florist shop on the corner when Butcher drove up. As Ben walked down the street in the direction of the florist he remembered the conversation he had with Butcher after you slammed your door in his face. Convincing Butcher to let him remain in the apartment was difficult, but finally when Ben threatened to rip Hughie in half, Butcher relented stating that he would give Ben one night with you before he came back. That was the deal anyway, Ben had lied, because like hell he was going to leave now that he'd found you again.

Ben wasn't planning on leaving and  even if you couldn't stand to look at him, Ben would not go. Even if it meant sleeping on that shitty couch every night.

He would never leave you again.

The smell of the flowers wafted out of the small shop when Ben opens the door, his eyes skating across the numerous bouquets, each one more extravagant than the last. Other women would swoon over them, but not you. His eyes fall first on roses, but he turns away. He knew that you didn’t like roses, although many believed them to be classic, Ben knew that you thought over the years that roses had become generic and overused. He of course had sent some to numerous women over the years, but he liked that you were different. He always liked that about you. He rolls his eyes when he remembered when Howard bought you some every week.

Because of course that asshole didn’t know what y/n liked. No one knows her as well as me.

The man behind the counter eyes him when he walks in. "Can I help you find something sir?"

"No." Ben says gruffy looking at the displays again, but then he sighs. "Do you have any lavender?"

"Lavender?"

"Yeah." Ben knew it was the only thing that you would accept, knew that it was your favorite because it reminded you of the house your family rented over the summers up North. Ben hated those summers. He'd break into your bedroom and sleep in your bed while thinking of you and reading the letters you sent him over and over again, the ones that you pressed fresh lavender into and the ones that made him realize just how much he needed you.

Those of course weren’t the only letters you ever sent him. When he went to boarding school he’d wait for you to send him a letter and one of your doodles or a small painting. He kept every one in a cigar box under his bed. It was why he was kicked out of boarding school number nine, a fight he had with another student began because the student had found the box and then proceeded to mock Ben endlessly by passing around the letters you sent him. Ben had never told you what the fight was about.

Ben stops as he realizes how he’s going to get you to listen to him.

“Here you are sir.” The florist reappears at the counter holding a large vase of freshly cut lavender.

“Do you have a phone I can borrow?” Ben asks.

“Sure.”

The object the man hands him is not a phone, well not a phone that Ben’s ever seen before.

“I said a phone-“

“That is a phone?” The man looks confused.

“How do I fucking call someone with this?” Ben sighs shaking the black rectangle in his hand and looking for the buttons.

The man takes the object and swipes his fingers across it before handing it back to him so Ben can see the numbers to dial. “Just push what you want and hit the green button.” The man says, looking at Ben like he's crazy.

“Oh. Thanks.” He mutters, before dialing the number and holding the phone up to his ear.

Legend answers on the first ring.

“Hey it’s me. Do you still have all my old shit from my apartment?”

“Somewhere.”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

******************************************

N/A: Why not end on a cliffhanger? This chapter is a bit longer, because this week is CRAZY for me and I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next chapter. But I'm not giving up on these two. They deserve the world.

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think. If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126 @simplyfixated @sleepjam @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna @abramswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit

#soldier boy x you #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy x female reader #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #the boys #jensen ackles #soldier boy fic #billy butcher #the boys amazon #hughie campbell #the boys fanfic #jackles #the boys season 3 #the boys series #the boys tv #the boys s3

[prodbymaui]

My Boy.

would it be a sin? if I can't help falling in love with you

PAIRING: lee donghyuck x fem reader

GENRE: the innocent sweet boy

WORD COUNT: 3.6k+ words

WARNINGS: explicit content, reader is older by 3 years, implied obsession, implied murder, mentioned physical abuse (not from haechan!)

SYNOPSIS: A series of failed relationships and you were this near of giving up on love. But then here comes little Donghyuck and his persistence. Maybe-- he was the one fated to you, after all.

A/N: forgive me for not writing a smooth transition from fluff to smut lmao. and this isn't beta-read so please just pretend you don't see grammatical errors and typos. fluff was just a poor attempt of hiding my true intentions for this fic, anyways lolol. enjoy reading! send your thoughts if you can, xoxo <3

LISTEN TO: Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley (Haley Reinhart)

Lee Donghyuck, for everyone at the campus, is someone who embodies gracefulness, kindness and all the positive traits one could ever think of. Nobody would ever dare to say ill about him as it's disrespectful for the boy who had been nothing but gentle and polite to each he had encounter.

Lee Donghyuck, the ever so sweet boy who comes to anyone's aid no matter what's his relationship with them.

You're his friend? He'll help you!

A classmate? He's just one call away!

Oh, you're a stranger and someone he haven't met yet? How amazing it is that Donghyuck has a free time to lend you a hand and get to know you!

Men and women stares at him with adoration, even the professors and staffs couldn't resist falling in love with his charming personality-- he even earned the nickname 'Haechan' or 'Full Sun' as he brightens everyone's day with little to no effort. It would be a lie if none of the students admits their crush on the campus' sweetheart Lee Donghyuck.

Too bad for them as the lovely boy's hazel eyes are only set for one person. Someone who had been by his side ever since he was 5. Someone he admires and respects so much he wouldn't let anyone hurt nor even touch them. It's you. His noona.

Haechan was 15 when he confessed his undying love for you.

''These feelings.. they didn't grow inside me throughout the 10 years I've been with you, Noona. They had always been here, in my heart. It was just me who took a long time to realize I have been harboring romantic feelings for someone who clearly treats me as her brother. This love-- it's endless, limitless. It knows no boundaries. No matter who and whatever comes in my way, my love for you will never waver. Through the deathly drought, my love won't ever wither. Through the thundering storms, my heart stands sturdy for you to hold on. This love that I have for you, it is the kind of love that only gets stronger as time flies by. The kind of love that through life and death, you remain the queen of my heart. Ruling it as if you are its owner. Let me be the man who protects you from the harsh that is this world. Let me be the wall you can lean on and the blanket you seek for warmth and comfort. I hope you wouldn't treat me any less after this confession. Because if there's anything that I am afraid to lose in this world, it's you, noona.''

It's astonishing, how a 15 year old can say such words. You're not sure where and when he learned those kind of things but you, as early as you can, stomps on the flattering feeling brewing inside of you. The boy is so young, he still have so much ahead of him, so much of the future that awaits him. With the thought of not wanting to let the boy tie himself up quickly to someone he's most likely just infatuated-- that was the first and last time you've expected to reject the sweet boy of Ilsan.

Lee Donghyuck, the persistent boy that he is, surprises you with more than 3 confessions each month. You resist falling for the beautiful flowers sent to your house everyday. You withstand the painful urge of giving in to the delicious and adorable bento boxes that shows different images of cartoon characters such as cinnamoroll and my melody from sanrio.

But you're just a human being. One that is weak from such cute attempts to sway your heart, like love letters with pastel decorations on your mailbox. It was too late before you realized, the wall you've created to stop the romantic feelings from squeezing themselves in your heart had crumbled into pieces. Shooing away your so-called sisterly love to Donghyuck as it was quickly replaced with the one the male had confessed harboring for you.

6 years later, your sweet little boy turned into a man he promised to be. Protecting you from any harm even if you can do it yourself. I know Noona can handle it but I don't want you stressing over things like these, why not make use of these muscles, right? He says.

''That's really the Lee Haechan? The little boy who had a crush on you back in high school? That chubby choco ball little boy?! God, he grew up so well! If you didn't tell me any sooner, I might've mistaken him as someone our age.''

You scoff at Jennie's words, sending her your middle finger. ''Just tell me you were thinking of fucking my boyfriend until I told you he's mine.''

Jennie's laugh battles with the loud music of the club, hands clapping like a seal due to amusement. ''Fine, guilty as fuck.''

You don't mind her words. You've been Jennie's friend for a long time to know that she doesn't have any plans of actually bedding your boy. Plus she's dumbly in love with her fuck buddy, Lalisa. That itself tells a lot. And it's not like your lovely would agree fucking your best friend.

''Come to think of it-- none of your past relationships really worked, no? All of them either ran away or just completely disappeared,'' She giggles.

''Men are so fucking scared of independent and powerful women. Maybe it was fated from the start for you to end up with Donghyuck. From what I can see, he's really into you-- always ready to serve or some cliché shit like that. But it's cute. You and Donghyuck are adorable together. He's so much better than those douchebags, especially that fucking Kim Jongin.''

Right, the devil who's Kim Jongin if its physical form. He was someone you wished you didn't met, someone whom you hoped is currently suffering wherever he is right now. You remember it as clear as the skies. The way he was so sly slipping a pill in your cup, waiting for you to pass out as he was driven madly by his disgusting lust over your body. Fortunately, luck wasn't on his side at that time and you managed to call the one person you trust the most before your ex-boyfriend even do something horrible to your intoxicated, drugged self-- sans the bruises and wounds you received from fighting back.

Haechan came rushing to your house that night. This is where it gets blurry. All you could recall was Jongin dropping on the floor, laying on top of the pool of his own blood. Donghyuck carries you, passing through the police as he urges them to rush you to a hospital-- all the while reminding them that the offender is currently inside and he was lucky to save the both of you despite earning some injuries as well, although minors.

3 years since then, you are yet to say you feel safe. Not long after being jailed, Kim Jongin was reported to be missing in his cell and until now, no police is able to locate him. The trauma he brought you stirs the fear once again, but Donghyuck was there to remind you that he will never let Kim Jongin near you. He already hurt you once, he wouldn't give him a chance to do it again.

A voice snaps you out of your bubble. Jennie is nowhere to be seen, now replaced with a familiar man you swear you've seen before. ''You seem preoccupied, a penny for your thoughts?''

The man chuckles at your stunned reaction. ''Ah.. you don't remember me? That hurts a bit, ouch.'' He clenches his chest dramatically, there you gasp in realization, jerking upwards as you point at his figure. You know this guy!

''Oh? Are you finally remembering me? Just to be sure, it's me. Na Jaemin from the dance club in high school. You know? Your partner in every dance.. ?''

''Right! Right! Ah, Na Jaemin, I didn't recognized you! Take a seat. How are you doing?'' Jaemin's smile is so bright that you could feel yourself going blind.

''Doing fine, luckily. I'm taking up an engineering course, we've talked about that before right? Remember how you encourage me to go for it because I was so scared I won't make it? I was so bad at math that time.''

Laughing softly, you share the vivid memories you can recall from your high school days. Jaemin is a gentleman who doesn't hesitate to lend a hand at times you're having difficulties following the choreographies. And by how he entertains everyone in the club, treating the members snacks and drinks during break time-- It is safe to say he's one of those that you misses the most if not for college erasing your memories and replacing it stress.

The conversation fills with reminiscing about the past as if they're 15 years ago. Sharing a laughter after one mentions that one time you both got mental blocked during a performance causing the two of you to mess up, thankfully you work well enough you pull it off and make it seem like there was no mistake at all.

Just as Jaemin's eyes roams around the dance floor, his vision captures a sight of his drunken friend that clearly needs his help. Sighing, the man bids his goodbye to you. Not without getting your number and sharing his, of course. You'd love to hang out with the whole group again.

''What was that right there, huh?'' A grin shows itself on your face and sudden giddiness bubbles inside you as the playful tone rumbles against your ear, a pair of arms wrapping themselves around your waist.

''Nothing, just an old friend saying hi.''

''Is that so?''

''Uh-hm.''

One on the forehead, one on your cheeks and finally on the lips. Your heart soars as Donghyuck peppers your whole face with sweet pecks. As much as you are enjoying the drinks and foods, you'd rather spend the night in your shared bedroom with Haechan. Maybe cuddle and watch some movies together if one is not too tired.

Your boyfriend agrees at the suggestion, immediately zooming to your apartment after waving a goodbye to Jennie with Lisa in her embrace, obviously sucking a hickey on her neck. No one admits it but clearly, your best friend's fuck buddy also have the same feelings for her. She's just too much of a coward. You remind yourself to help her confess.

Reaching the comfort of your home, you stand before the mirror as you drink in your look, observing if you look presentable during your time at the club. It isn't long before someone sneaks up behind you, arms snaking around you once again as he buries his face on the crook of your neck. Sighing, you lean backwards to press yourself at him, satisfied at the feeling of his body heat warming you.

A kiss turns into twice, trice, until it doubles and doubles, eventually reaching up to the back of your ears. Kitten licking the outline, Donghyuck presses his lips against your ears as one of his palms travels to cup one of your breasts, eyes straight to the mirror-- watching every changes of your facial expression as he fondles your boob while sucking an area of your neck.

Your clothes are soon on the floor, courtesy of Haechan desperately yet slowly stripping them off of you, his touch lingering in each part of your body. A finger of his traces the line that is between your pussy cheeks, dipping a little only to retract as fast. His chest rumbles against your back when he chuckle, left hand settling on your throat comfortably as his thumb and forefinger forces you to face your reflection on the mirror.

''You're so pretty, noona. Can you open your legs for me?'' Nodding so pliantly, Donghyuck could feel his pants getting tighter each second that passes by.

Spreading your legs, you grip his arm to steady yourself as a digit of his pushes itself in your core, sliding so easily due to the wetness embarrassingly caused by Haechan's raspy voice whispering against your ears. Being knuckles deep inside you, the male curses under his breath as he controls himself from foregoing foreplay and straight fucking you against the mirror. Your warm and velvety walls are making it hard for him to prevent himself from doing so.

Soon after a couple of strokes, your hips jerks in little motions, whines slightly echoing the four walls of the bedroom. That was when Donghyuck decided to add another finger to increase the friction you're feeling, curling them upwards in an attempt to press the buttons that emits the sounds he loves so much he considers it as a music.

It should be somewhere around here...

''Ah, shit!''

There we go, he cockily smirks. Humming, Haechan continuously jabs the tip of his fingers to that certain spot, grinding his clothed dick on the crack of your ass to ease the throbbing pain between his legs. ''Fuck, Hyuck..'' Your whines encourage the male to scissor your insides, stretching your walls all the while making sure hit and reach every spot you couldn't explore with your own hands.

His tongue falls flat on your skin as he licks a stripe from your shoulders up to the back of your ears, the hand that was previously on your throat now settles on your boob, pinching the hard nub lightly as he stimulates further pleasure with it. Your legs folds a bit, going jelly but the sudden increase of the dizzying pleasure you're getting.

''Fuck, fuck, fuck!'' Hips moving to meet the palms of your boyfriend, Haechan didn't hesitate to add two more fingers. He's already sure you can take it, you've pushed much bigger things in your pussy. The pads of Donghyuck's hand comes in contact with your aching hard clit, forcing a yelp from your. Cruelly, your boyfriend laughs at your reaction before pressing harder on your button, making circles with it the same time as four of his fingers harshly plunges themselves in your soaking core.

Eyes landing on the mirror, it eventually reaches downwards where Donghyuck's wrist and your pelvis meets. Even from your position and blurry vision, you could the redness and puffiness your pussy had become, clit peeking between the cheeks. Haechan finds the need to balance your figure as you almost fall forward, eyes rolling to the back of your head when your mouth opens to a scream. There your forehead scrunches to the middle, body shivering in his hold as the surface of his hand soon greets the sticky and creamy substance that he loves so much.

Beaming in satisfaction, Haechan makes a show of licking your juices off his hands, sucking each fingers with a 'pop!' before humming. ''You're just so sweet.''

Donghyuck then lets your knees meet the carpet of the ground slowly, turning you around so you could face the bump that is hidden underneath the fabric of his pants. He can already see the drool escaping your lips. No words are needed for you to know what to do, you've done this a lot of time, enough to learn what satisfies your lovely boyfriend.

Contrary to the Donghyuck you've gotten used to, this man that stands before you embodies nothing similar to the sweetheart. This particular Donghyuck loves to slide his girthy cock inside of you with no warnings, gripping your hair in a fist as he mercilessly thrusts to that pleasuring walls that is your throat.

This particular Donghyuck gets off of watching you scrambling to pull yourself off of him to catch a breath, coughing out with saliva only to come back having your face pressed to his pelvis once again. Eyes shut close as you try to breathe within your nose and if you couldn't, resort to opening your eyes and presenting your best teary eyes to Haechan for him to spare you, let you take in some air for at least a few seconds.

''Ah.. that's a-- I made you cum but you couldn't even bring me near my release? Isn't that a bit unfair to me, noona?'' You know damn well he's just mocking you. There's no one Donghyuck can fool when it comes to your ability to make him cum. A mere sight of you, even if covered from head to toe, would be enough for him to pop a boner and shoot his cum out in the air.

Determined to repay your baby's kind gesture earlier, you stills in your position and gives him a signal. Donghyuck lets out profanities with that. You just fucking gave him a confirmation, a consent that you're letting him fuck your throat as if it's your pussy.

Lee Donghyuck did just that. Holding your face in place, fucking inside you deeper with each thrust until a groan escapes his lips, soon enough he was spurting out white thick substances in the alley of your burning throat.

The male wastes no time in carrying you to the bed, throwing you after ripping his clothes off of him. His tongue invades the insides of your mouth, exploring and devouring what you have to offer. As if running out of time, Haechan's hands grasps the back of your thighs and forces them up to get a clearer view of your pussy pulsating, hungry for his cock.

Who is Donghyuck to deprive his lovely noona from receiving a well deserved good fuck, right?

No more teasing and no more extra touches, the tip of Donghyuck's thick cock slowly sinks, the whole entirety of his length follows not long after. His mouth falls open at the heat that surrounds him, the ecstasy you brings shakes his sanity.

Unforgiving, the thrusts are. With his hands settling besides your head, Haechan looks down to watch where your hole swallows him hungrily and is forced to turn his eyes away in order to not cum that fast. Fuck, the squelching sounds that bounces across the bedroom is so obscene that Donghyuck could feel himself smiling in pride. He's doing this to his, noona. Him and not those bastards.

''Fuck! Y-you're so b-big! So good, baby-- ah, fuck!'' Your nails creates crescent moon shapes on his back as it digs due to the immense pleasure, head dipping further to the pillow underneath you.

Being able to hold you in his arms and have you screaming for him, Haechan did the best he can to prevent himself from giving in to tempting urge of releasing. Instead, he decides to chase yours. He rocks his hips in the way you had been begging him, faster and harder. Unhooking his hold, he brings your legs to rest on his shoulders, almost bending you in half. This enables his cock to reach deeper and you wails, feeling his tip right at your stomach.

Fucking you earnestly, Haechan quickens his pace where you couldn't keep up, reduced to a whimpering and crying mess as you beg him to send you off to your climax. He latches his wet lip around your nipples, there he sucks like a new born baby starving for its mama's milk. Prodding his tongue right at the middle of your nub and wiggles them, that and the continuous contact of his tip to your sweet spot are those that caused you to thrash violently in his hold.

Hands flying anywhere, in search of gripping anything. Your burning walls clenching around his shaft, it would be a crime for Donghyuck to not succumb to the euphoria that's literally waving at him and beckoning him to cum. With your sweet words and encouragements piercing his eardrums, your boyfriend cums three thrusts after you, each resulting a moan from him.

The high soon subsides and a chuckle instinctively comes from him when his eyes catches the sight of you sleeping peacefully beside him, snoring like a little baby. Well, you are. His baby, to be exact.

Stickiness from the mega mixture of sweat and cum covers most of your skin, he wouldn't want the both of you to have a skin rashes or whatever it is that you gets from having cum on your skin for too long. And aftercare is a must! So he forces himself out of the bed despite the aching muscles and cleans you up, carefully as to no wake you up from your deep slumber.

Minutes passing, you are now comfortably laying on the bed, clean and free from the germs. A soft smile dawns Haechan's features as he cards his hand through your hair endearingly, kissing your forehead. ''I can't believe you're mine, noona.'' Caressing your cheeks for the last time, he practically forces himself to stop and move on to what he planned to do which is to cook your some food. Usually after sex, you'll wake up after an hour or so because of hunger. It has been a routine for him to prepare you both some easy dishes.

He is about to head towards the door when your phone, placed on the bedside, rings. Striding to it, he taps once to see who dared to text his noona at this time. Don't they know that you are most likely sleeping during this hour and their text might wake you up? Nevermind, maybe it's Jennie.

Oh. It's him.

Hey, this is Jaemin! I was just thinking if you'd like to hang out on wednesday? Only if you're free, of course!

Na fucking Jaemin.

Donghyuck scoffs, tongue poking his cheeks as he smirks in disbelief.

3 years since then, he can't believe he's about to give Kim Jongin a fucking gravemate.

#haechan smut #nct smut #nct #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #nct scenarios #nct imagines #haechan scenarios #haechan imagines #nct hard hours #haechan hard hours #nct 127 #nct dream #nct 127 smut #nct dream smut #prodbymaui

[hooked-on-elvis]

Hello!! I was just wondering about something...we don't really have a understanding of Elvis' personality, yeah we have books, videos and articles about the people they were around him but I'm talking about REALLY getting a hold of what personality he had is what's been circling my mind lately.

I don't know why, I've been really interested in personalities recently lol specifically Elvis'😅

Hi, sweetie! Yours is a good question to keep in mind, really. I like to wonder on this topic too. I guess Elvis' personality is very difficult to summarize because of the way his actions contradicted themselves in the messages they give. He was mainly a good person, as we all know, but also incoherent and even scary at times. It's frustrating trying to describe him because nothing seems to fit well-enough to describe how intense he was.

One thing we know for sure is how dual Elvis was - and we all are, no doubt, but Elvis's duality was very prominent, very much like changing one thing into the complete opposite in no time, as if there was no middle ground, just this or that.

The way I see it, EP was like a whole universe with all it's wonders and scary truths put together at once; like white and black, the good and bad, fire and rain, light and dark, a desert weather and a harsh winter in just one little space. He could be a spontaneous, extroverted open person, very sweet, generous, peaceful, attentive, warm, easy-going, friendly, supportive, affectionate, loyal, very wise, meditative, spiritually fervent believer in God, family-oriented, just an ingenuous little boy with a soothing peaceful and loving energy that could calm the most anxious of hearts that approached him, without even meaning to, and yet at the same extent he could also be shy, a loner, mean (here and there, both in words and actions), freezing cold, selfish, a loner, unreasonable, hot-tempered, promiscuous, sly, hopeless and lost, a control freak and a reckless disturbed man with such intense energy people could be afraid of doing something that could unleash the beast in him (that's why very, very little of his friends or family were brave enough to go against any thing Elvis would say/do or with his way of thinking), and then again he would turn into something else... He would look so confident, so strong and self-assured, a very powerful entity, but around the ones he trusted just enough he still let himself be vulnerable, acting just like a baby, begging for someone to take care of him, to show him patience, understanding, to make him feel safe, to hold him and never let go.

With the little knowledge we have about EP, we could use those and many adjectives to describe his personality but we can't summarize Elvis Presley better than to simply say he was human. Elvis was "too much of everything"... overwhelming, in a good and a little bad way too. The way he was such a good person, the way through his friends, family, co-workers and fans' memories Elvis sounds like one of the best people one could ever have the pleasure of meeting in this life, his moments of irrational and hurtful actions (towards people and himself) confuses us when we try to understand what Elvis was really about. I bet it was very confusing to understand him even for his family, lovers and friends, so it wouldn't be easy for us to understand him when we not really met him in person.

The King's personality is so intriguing! That's why there's books with analysis in both scientific medical and social fields, psychologists and psychiatrists wrote after studying Elvis' behavior patterns and what they tells us about him. Much beyond the stories their friends and general acquaintances told and how they portrayed EP in those many books and interviews we read/saw over the years, I think those psychological studies are the best way to go in depth about Elvis' personality. Even so I don't believe one single book can do all the accurate, proper work on it, one of those books I can mention now is "The Inner Elvis - A Psychological Biography Of Elvis Aaron Presley" by Peter O. Whitmer Ph.D. - I haven't read the book myself because I want to finish the friends and family books, the most important ones at least, before going deeper into Elvis' personality analysis but I've read parts of it and it's interesting. I would recommend you, if you haven't yet, to read this book.

Anyhow, I think we'll never have an accurate picture of Elvis Presley as a person, friend. One: Because people in general are difficult to understand. We contradict ourselves all the time, according to the situations we face. And two: Because nobody, for the best they can be at reading people, can really tell us what goes on inside another one's heart and mind. I guess being such a mystery is another wonder of Elvis. Another thing we can be sure of about him is that he was even not close to be a boring person.

#elvis presley #elvis #elvis the king #elvis fans #elvis fandom

[forusomimiya]

24,25,26 with omi HEHJSNNS

Are you OK? I think you're convulsing a bit hahahaha. First of all I have to say that after reading the prompts, my head automatically went to a bdsm scenario, with a Dom!Omi (I have to admit that it's fault of a SakuAtsu fanfic, it's called terminal curiosity. It's in ao3, if you want to read it ('｡- ◡ -｡`) ♡) I'm not going to gabble any more, I hope you like it ✦ʚ💜ɞ✦

"Open" he ordered. "Open more" he grabbed you by the hair, pulling your head back, watching you open your mouth, tongue out waiting for the shot. "Hah, look how messy you are. Waiting for my cum, huh?" his grip loosened.

Blind, you heard his footsteps in the distance, and a drawer opening. When he closed it, he came back to you. The messy kiss on your lips caught you off guard. He devoured you in his own way, softly, slowly, tenderly, but intensely. You gasped in need of more as soon as he left. "Now I want you to be good, yes?" he whispered in your ear, tickling. You nodded and let yourself fall into the stillness.

"I will”

"Good girl" That was the hard tone you needed to hear from him to get excited.

You were afraid of what might happen next. Sakusa had never given you reason to distrust him, but everything was new in your relationship, and your nerves were getting the better of you every time he blindfolded you and left you to your own devices. Then he was always there, alert in case he heard the word that would make it all end, to go from humiliating you to giving you all the treatment and affection you needed, cleaning you up and feeding you. That was what made you accept this, and well, also because of how rough he was in bed.

You recognized the toy when you heard the vibration, and unconsciously, you licked your lips and smiled, playfully.

"Oh, so, you wanna play?" you stated, trying to spread your legs, which remained a failed attempt, but caused Sakusa's erection to become more noticeable, releasing it as soon as the pressure in his pants irritated him. Too bad you couldn't witness his cock bounce as it was exposed.

"You know I don't like it when you don't take me seriously" he knelt on the bed, and managed with one hand, to get you on your side to spank your ass and listen to your moan. "I'll make you cum as many times as I want. So much, you won't stop shaking, I assure you" he positioned you back up and made his way between your legs.

Little time passed between your first orgasm and his promise. Even without the vibrator in your pussy, the vibrations from the proximity already made you cum without being touched. Tears running down your cheeks from overstimulation, your legs jerking, your mouth begging him to please fuck you and leave that stupid toy. All while Sakusa was amused watching you suffer for him, for that cock that turned red with every pump. You would literally die knowing that Sakusa's intention was to jerking off listening to you cry.

"Kiyoo-mi, please fuck me, need yar cock heeere…"

"Huh huh, not yet. I need more of you, so keep drooling some more for me, Kitty"

"But I-"

"No buts honey. You´re doing great… keep going…" Little by little his panting was getting deeper. You cursed you couldn't see it what you heard. His fucking cock covered in cum, creating slimy sounds from the pumping, and his grunts. "Fuck... more, please. I want more. Touch yourself for me” Now that you understood his game, you wouldn't let him play without you.

"Only if you let me see you, please..." Sakusa doubted. "I've been good, I've done what you've asked. Please, I want to see you cum... please" he fell surrendered to your plea. The tape covering your eyes slid down your face. You couldn't have been more grateful to regain your sight, when a disheveled Sakusa, even with that now wrinkled white shirt, his jeans unbuttoned and those said black gloves that were your downfall, looked at you, mouth slightly open, without a hint of seriousness on his face. "Mhmm, look at me and please cum on me, pretty boy. Cum on me!"

“Hah… you little shit! Oh my g- fuck!”

And without a second thought, he cummed on your belly, splashing your tits, weakening and failing in his attempt to take control over you.

And that was what Sakusa meant when he said he didn't like it when you didn't take him seriously. Because he also melts under orders, inducing him into a submissive role that he didn't want you to ever discover.

Now you had a unique power in your hand and you would know how to use it with Sakusa.

#haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x imagines #sakusa smut #ship & prompt smut #ship & prompt haikyuu #haikyuu ships #sakusa x you #sakusa x female reader #sakusa x y/n #sakusa x reader #sakusa x reader smut #sakusa kiyoomi smut #sakusa kiyoomi x reader smut #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #kiyoomi smut #kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x you #kiyoomi x y/n #hq sakusa #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #msby sakusa

[oddballwriter]

My god I just finished reading all of your moon boys as dads blurbs and holy shit

I was hoping you would write a blurb/one-shot where Marc just can't help but compare fem! reader (they have 2 sons) and his mother, but the reader doesn't act the way his mom would and that is slowly but surely healing him. Maybe also where their younger boy gets hurt while playing with his brother and she calms their oldest by saying "It wasn't your fault, you didn't do it on purpose". Poor Marc would definitely start crying as soon as they're alone. Anyway, toodles!

Healing Wounds

Summary: Fatherhood was something that really healed Marc in a way that he couldn't imagine, and with that, situations are a lot less stress-inducing and let him enjoy finer moments with his family.

Warnings: Talk about Marc's trauma. Thoughts of self-doubt and being unable to let go of the past. Y/N and Marc (and the rest) being good parents. A whole lot of fluff at the end.  

Author’s Snip: We love letting our man heal his mental and emotional wounds.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 859

It was kind of funny. Of course, you and him end up having two sons. It just had to happen like that didn't it. It wasn't like he didn't want them. God, no. Marc would never trade his boys for anything and he knows that neither would you.

But it was always there in the back of his mind. The faintest overlay in his vision and memory to back when he was a kid and all of its awful moments. All the screaming, crying, pain, and moments and milestones that were stained no matter how much he tried to scrub the bad out.

With your first, Aaron, there was the dread of being a parent and doing it wrong. He didn't want to get any of it wrong but there was the dilemma of where exactly he was meant to be. Too much of a pushover then his son would be spoiled and never get the hang of life. Too strict and demanding then he'd just be her. And Marc would rather die than even be her in the slightest. It was a hard thing for him to balance in his own mind. Marc was gone for a while but you all knew that it was for him to reflect and gather himself. Marc very much still had some wounds that he needed to lick before he took that journey.

And he did great. All three of them did great in their own ways but Marc clearly felt more comfortable and secure with himself being a dad and also working with you. You knew deep down that you were a part of that security, that the image was mostly on you. And you made sure that Marc never saw her in you even once. It's not like you were planning too, of course. You couldn't even imagine doing such things, or how any mother could have the audacity.

But when Matthew, or Matty as you all call him, came along there was a new dilemma that brought on more thoughts that wouldn't leave him alone. But Marc knew that Aaron and you managed to heal those wounds, so he knew that this would heal up so much more. He just needed to believe in himself and you, and the process.

Marc had the usual talk that a parent would with a soon-to-be older sibling, the whole "Just because we're having another one and are giving them more attention doesn't mean we don't love you. They just need more attention because they're small". Aaron understood, matter of fact he seemed really excited to be an older brother. Marc took that and made it something to use for healing. You and him taught Aaron how to help take care of Matthew and how to hold him, letting him be a part of his baby brother's life.

Years went by and they both grew, you bought a house, Marc started feeling better, and everything felt perfect. Sure, there were some moments but they never really impacted anything. There was no fear, no nights spent laying awake worrying about something happening, no moments where the ghosts of a past long since passed showed up in his mind.

That was until one day when everything was seemingly normal. You were doing something, Marc wasn't really paying attention and also couldn't remember what he was doing either. The boys were playing in the backyard. But at some point, you both hear a scream and then a cry coming from the backyard.

Rushing out, you find Matthew sitting on the grass crying and holding his foot while Aaron is kneeling next to him and looks upset and panicked. You go and pick up Matthew while Aaron is repeating "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." and possibly about to cry himself. That's when it all gets Marc, and hard.

He feels overwhelmed by everything, but just before it gets too much he sees you try and settle your boys down. "What happened?" you asked Aaron calmly while holding Matthew who was sniffling into your shoulder. "We were playing soccer and he was going to get the ball in my goal so I tried to stop him, but I didn't know where his foot was so when I kicked he fell." Aaron explains as he starts to cry. You kneel down to his eye level, "Hey, it's okay, sweetie." you shush, "Was it an accident?" you ask. Aaron nods as he whips his tears. "Okay, then it wasn't your fault. You didn't mean to trip him." you say as you help him whip away his tears. "Are you okay, Matty?" you ask the smaller boy to which he nods.

"Alright. Then why don't we just hug it out and maybe sit down for a little or do something inside, yeah?" you suggest. The two boys immediately go in for the group hug, but you glance up at Marc, seeing him watch the whole thing, and gesture for him to join in. Marc, trying to hold back the water in his eyes, joins in. It lasts a few seconds but Marc can feel the situation healing up something again.

#moon knight #moonknight #moon knight x reader #moonknight x reader #marc spector #marc spector x reader #dad!marc spector

[imaginestuffs]

Silly Bet- Eddie Munson x Reader

word count:2541

warnings: none, just fluff

summary: Gareth bet the kids that they wouldn't be able to talk to you. And when they win, they bring you to Hellfire to prove it, and that's when you meet Eddie, the boy you watched from afar who held a place in your day-to-day thoughts since you saw him.

(gif not mine!)

You had met Eddie in the summer of your first year in Hawkins, you had just moved there from California and everything was still so new to you. You had gotten there just as the spring semester had started, and you had been pretty well accepted. You weren’t popular necessarily, but you weren’t considered a nerd or freak by any means. People were relatively kind to you just as you were to them. You didn’t cause trouble and your grades were decently high. Usually, you sat at a table alone in the cafeteria just so you could read peacefully during the small break you had. At times there were people who would come and ask to sit with you and you would happily oblige especially when those people were kids who weren’t the most well-received. You never shied away from accepting people, it was just something you were taught to do and it made you feel better knowing that people could come up to you knowing they wouldn’t be turned away.

You would see Eddie and his friends sit at their table and have the most animated discussions and it always put a smile on your face. He was never afraid to cause a scene, whether it be making fun of jocks or just speaking as loudly as he could when he was passionate about something. It was something you admired about him really, it was just one more thing that caused your heart to grow fonder of him. Though you had never properly met him, you had a little place in your thoughts reserved especially for him. 

You knew he was known as the resident freak, or even ‘bad boy’ as some of the cheer squad called him. And to be honest, it intrigued you, it made you want to get to know him. You were definitely more reserved but didn’t turn someone down when spoken to. Sure you got nervous meeting new people and could be bashful at times but you learned to push through that and always see the positives.

You had just been introduced to the young group of boys you had seen sitting with him all the time. They had nervously walked up to you at your locker on the last day before the summer break. Introducing themselves as Dustin, Mike, and Lucas. You immediately smiled at them and introduced yourself to them as well. 

“Uh, (y/n)?” you heard a voice from behind you. You turned around and smiled at the sight of the boys. “Hello,” you greeted with a soft wave. They looked a bit awkward as they stood in front of you. “Did you guys need something?” you asked them. “Oh, um, we just wanted to say hi, we’ve seen you around, and seem really nice. You know, you’re still kind of new here so we thought we’d introduce ourselves. I’m Dustin,” the curly-haired boy told you and reached out his hand. Your smile brightened and you reached out to shake his outstretched hand. “This is Mike, and Lucas,” he pointed at the other two boys. “Well it’s really nice to meet you all, is there anything else you needed?” you asked and looked between the three of them. 

“Actually um, we made a bet with our friend Gareth, that we’d be able to talk with you. You know introduce ourselves,” Lucas explained. You nodded your head, “Oh, well what did he think I’d do? Not talk to you? That’s silly,” you said and shook your head. “That’s what we told him. I told him you were too nice to turn us down,” Dustin said and you chuckled. “Well, I’m really glad I got to meet you all, and tell your friend I said hello and he can talk to me whenever he’d like,” you said with a playful grin. 

“You know what, would you mind coming with us so that we can prove to Gareth that we aren’t lying?” Mike asked you. “Yeah, of course, I’d love to,” you said and closed your locker before walking through the halls with them. “So, do you guys have any plans for summer?” you made conversation. “Mostly D&D,” Dustin answered and you chuckled a bit. “My brother actually loves to play, he talks about it all the time,” you told them. Their eyes lit up, “Really, that’s awesome. What’s his name?” Lucas asked with a bright smile. “His name is Alex, he’s actually in your grade,” you explained. “What’s your last name, I might know him,” Dustin said. “Oh, Our last name is (l/n),” you informed them. “Yeah! I know him, he seems really cool, super friendly,” he said. “Yeah that’s him, not very shy is he?” you laughed softly. “Definitely not,” Dustin said with a smile. You approached the door and Mike held it open for you. “Thank you, Mike,” you said gratefully as you stepped into the room behind Lucas. You could feel eyes on you, and so you looked up from the floor to in fact see everyone staring at you. 

“Hi,” you waved softly at everyone. “You actually did it?” Gareth asked in surprise. “Who did what?” a familiar voice came from the doorway. You turned to the door just to see the boy that you just couldn’t shake from your thoughts: Eddie Munson. “Dustin, Lucas, and Mike got (y/n) (l/n) to talk with them. I bet them that they couldn’t,” Gareth explained. 

Eddie’s eyes moved around the room until they settled on you. “Well, isn’t that a surprise,” he said and you furrowed your brows. He smiled at your expression, he would never tell anyone but he swore you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. With your baby blue striped shirt neatly tucked into your white skirt, wearing hightops. 

He could barely look away from you, “And why is that surprising?” you asked and shifted your weight. You didn’t understand why but being in his presence made you a bit bashful. “Well, princess you don’t seem like the type to talk with freaks,” he explained. Heat flooded your cheeks at the pet name he used for you. “I wouldn’t say your freaks, you just enjoy different things than other people. I mean so does my brother and he’s not a freak,” you said with a small shrug. “I actually quite enjoy sitting in on my brother’s campaigns. He and his friends were usually my responsibility and I tended to enjoy watching them be so passionate about something,” you explained. Eddie looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “Your brother plays D&D and you enjoy it?” he asked slowly. You nodded your head, “Yeah, I honestly do. It’s actually pretty cool,” you said shyly. “Does this little brother of yours have a party?” he asked in curiosity. “Not currently, no,” you answered. “Well maybe you should drop by again, and we’ll see what happens,” Eddie suggested and it brought a warm smile to your face as you looked at him fondly. 

“I think that would be great. Where do you guys meet for the summer?” you asked. “Right here, princess,” he said gesturing to the room they were currently occupying. “How? The school is closed,” you asked in confusion. “Let’s just say that’s not a problem for me,” he said with a wink. You looked at him in surprise and just chuckled a bit. “Alright then, I guess, I’ll see you guys same time, next Friday?” you asked excitedly. “We’ll be here,” he said. 

After that day, you had begun to bring your little brother every Friday. Sometimes staying to watch seeing as it was ok with Eddie and the rest of the party. You had grown fond of the boys, and your small crush on Eddie had begun to grow. Over the next few weeks, you had grown closer to him, and would eventually end up hanging out outside of the club environment. 

The first time you hung out was on a Saturday night. He had asked if you’d like to watch a movie at his place and you said yes. It had become a regular thing for both of you. Sometimes you’d sneak out of the house just to go see him. 

Tonight felt different though.

You were over at Eddie’s place just sitting and hanging out like usual. Something about that night felt different, there was slight tension. You didn’t completely understand what was going on with him, he seemed distant, he seemed far away. 

“Hey, Eds,” you said and looked over at him lying next to you. “Hmm,” he hummed, letting you know he was listening. “Are you ok?” you asked nervously, playing with a loose string on your sweater. He could hear the nerves in your tone and turned to look at you. “Yeah, I’m fine, what makes you ask?” he wondered. “It’s just you seem tense and I’m worried. Have I done something wrong?” you asked worriedly. His big brown eyes widened at your worry, “What? Of course not, you’ve done nothing wrong. I just can’t get this girl out of my head,” he explained. Your heart sunk at the news. You had to have known that nothing was going to happen between you, but that little bit of hope always stayed floating around inside of your mind. 

“Oh, really, do I know her?’ you asked softly with a teasing smile. Trying your best not to let your hurt show. “I think you might, yeah,” he nodded his head with a big smile. “What’s she like?” you wondered as you sit up and cross your legs beneath you. “Well, she’s got the prettiest (e/c) eyes I’ve ever seen, her smile lights up a room, and she’s one of the funniest and most kind people I’ve ever met.” he began to explain. “Yeah?” you asked kindly, letting him know to continue. “She has never once disregarded anyone, and I swear her laugh is the most beautiful sound ever. She loves her little brother more than anything, and she treats the boys like they’re her family too. I mean, she’s smart, she likes D&D, sure she’s not metal but she’s soft and sweet, more often than not smells like roses,” he describes her, and it sparked a small thought in the back of your mind. Could he be talking about you? And to your utter surprise, he admits it. 

“Oh, right. And she’s sitting right next to me,” he said with a smug little smile as he watched you. Your eyes widened and a blush swept your cheeks in the dim lamp light. Your heart swelled at his words and you tried your best to bite back a grin. You delicately raise your hand to move a piece of hair away from his face, letting your fingertips linger against his cheek. “Well, she can’t get you out of her head either,” you said with a warm smile. 

He gently reached up to grab your wrist and place a kiss on it. “The second you walked into the club meeting for the first time, I knew that I couldn’t let you get away. You were too special, too sweet not to fall for,” he said and you averted your gaze. He sat up and let go of your wrist so he could carefully turn your face to look at him. Your eyes were bright, and your lips curved into a soft smile. 

“You know, I always saw you around but I never got the chance to talk to you until that day. I was more nervous than I had been in a long time, and I knew from the first time I saw you that I had to know you,” you revealed shyly. “I made you nervous?” he asked with a raised brow. “That’s all you got from that?” you asked with a chuckle. You could feel the coolness of his rings gently nipping at the warmth of your cheek. “Maybe,” he tilted his head and you giggled once more. 

“Can I ask you something?” he questioned and let his thumb stroke your cheek. You leaned into his touch and nodded, “Of course,” you answered. “There’s just something I’ve always wanted to do,” he continued dragging out his asking. You nodded again,” Ok, and what is that?” you asked raising your brow as you reached one hand up to take a hold of the hand that was resting on your cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked quietly. You bit your lip lightly and nodded your head. He gently used his thumb to tug your bottom lip from between your teeth. He leaned closer and you let your eyes flutter shut, your lashes swept your cheeks. He admired you for a few seconds before pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was short and sweet, and just as he pulled away you chased after and kissed him once again. This kiss was longer, and more passionate than the one before, he let go of your cheek and moved his hands to rest on your waist. Slowly helping you as you pushed yourself to rest with a leg on either side of him. One hand was on his shoulder while the other rested on his cheek, making sure to keep him close. Your lips moved in sync for as long as your lungs would allow them to. You pulled away and let your eyes open, just to see a wide smile and those beautiful brown eyes staring back at you. 

“That was definitely more than I thought it would be,” he said and shook his head lightly. “And what is that supposed to mean?” you asked and let both hands come to rest over his shoulders. “Well, I definitely didn’t expect you to be on my lap, and I did not expect you to chase after me like that,” he explained and you blushed before going to move off of his lap. “Hey, no, you don’t have to move, I just wasn’t expecting that.” He said and moved to rest his hand on your thigh to keep you where you were, but light enough to let you move if you wanted to. You settled on his lap again and let your fingers run through his hair. “Plus, I thought it was pretty cute,” he teased and you swatted his shoulder before resting your head there. 

You felt him laugh and wrap his arms around your back, holding you flush against his chest. 

“You know, I’m pretty happy that Gareth lost that bet, although I would’ve found a way to make you mine anyway,” he said and kissed your head. You smiled against his neck, “And I was already yours before we even met,” you said and kissed his jaw. You felt him laugh again and hold you tighter. 

“I love you, princess,” he said and you pulled away to look in his eyes, “I love you too Eds,” you said and placed one last kiss on his lips.

“Bet this will scar the kids,” he whispered and you threw your head back in laughter. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on the column of your throat. You looked back at him and just smiled, “Yeah, it just might,” 

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson stranger things #eddie stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things eddie #stranger things x y/n #stranger things imagine #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things 4 #st season 4 #eddie munson st4 #stranger things imagines

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

#text #i've been putting more meaning(?) into the nelvas-es i've been drawing lately so i wanted to see how it would reflect in words #the fact that dis will show up in tags will haunt me a little bit but if i add asteriks it will be incomprehensible LOL #i hope this isn't too hard to understand when reading bc i know i have an easier time reading stuff like this instead of 'snobby' writing - #- bc i like knowing how the thoughts were brewing as they were written down. #but it may not be the case for all people. #what do U think of it. #i think what i;ve always liked the most in being able to talk w/ people Online is getting to know their thoughts on the same thing #more than anything else #i literally sucked and spit out all of the skajrim lore factors out of their relationship pretty much (not that it had much in the first - #- place) so it's just a reading on a possible scenario with the characters i was given #i mean characters i put in the soup pot decorating the middle of my brain #this is december-may 2024 facts for now #just so i remember #abuse // #< OKAY #log #< is gonna be my tag for this type of thing if i end up saying more because i already started torturing my notes app with what i think of - #- civil war characters #tumblr is pussy so it made me reformat the paragraph breaks i made. they don't rly matter anyway but still

[mypoisonedvine]

I hate hate hate having to talk about this stuff because I know 98% of y'all are not the problem, and the remaining 2% are probably not going to care in the slightest. but I need to set some boundaries and explain why I'm getting frustrated before any more resentment builds.

I've been writing for cillian murphy characters since july 26 when I posted 'thoughtless', since then I've released well over one hundred thousand words of content for him. I'm not exaggerating, I counted. it's been five and a half weeks and I've posted 14 full-length one shots which means I'm posting more than twice a week. that's not even including drabbles/requests.

I'm getting concerned that this has set a precedent that people are holding me to and I'm getting annoyed by the entitlement in some of my asks and comments.

first things first, and I know nobody means anything bad by this but it's pissing me off: stop using the phrase "full smut" in your requests, it's driving me crazy. this started abruptly after I posted a bunch of drabbles in one sitting based on y'all's ideas and requests. I did that as a way to try out new ideas and appease people who hadn't had their concepts written about yet. instead of people being happy with what I wrote for them, people got frustrated that the drabbles were drabble-length and not thousands of words long like my full fics (which take me several days to write, rather than an hour or less which is the point of short requests). ever since, people won't stop coming into my inbox talking about making a "full smut" for a certain character or idea as if they're terrified that I'll only post something short. I usually don't post short things. I feel now like those drabbles were a colossal waste of time because all they did was make people afraid I wouldn't write longer stuff; I wanted to open requests again because I had fun, but now I feel like it's a bad idea because it'll just leave people frustrated when they see it's not whatever a "full smut" is and then tell me it's incomplete and I need to write more. a short drabble can very well be a complete story. stop asking for "full smut" PLEASE. just tell me what you're interested in reading and trust that, as the author, I will tell the story in the correct length of time.

secondly, the way people are asking for stories about new characters is getting out of control. I think you guys don't realize that I only post less than half of the asks I get, because they are so repetitive and constant. I have literally over 2000 unanswered asks currently. if I answered all the asks I received, I would lose followers because it clogs the dash and half of them are the same questions.

and I'm just gonna say this one explicitly: please stop asking me to write for cillian's character in the movie 'anna'. I'm not saying that I won't or that I don't want to. but I need you to understand that I get easily 3-5 asks a DAY about this character and I am exhausted. I'm not particularly interested in watching the movie. not only does it look like it's probably just not that good, but on a very personal note, I am in recovery for an eating disorder (and relapsed recently) and I just... don't wanna watch a movie with a runway model in the leading role right now. I'm sorry if that feels like body shaming or something but I've been waiting until I feel like I can watch it without feeling sick or enraged. it should come as a surprise to no one who is familiar with my work that I'm not a particularly mentally healthy person. but that's only part of it; I answered asks about this character for a while saying I wanted to write for him eventually, but I had to stop because people just asked about him every day anyways without reading my very recent posts with the same question. I'm still not ruling it out. I'm just warning you guys that it will be a while.

people are now commenting requests for new characters ON MY CURRENT FICS FOR UNRELATED CHARACTERS. how entitled and dense do you have to be to do that? I can't believe this has to be said, but comments on my fics should be... related to the content of the fic you're commenting on.

to be clear, I'm not mad at anyone for doing this stuff (except that last one, that's unforgivably ridiculous) because I think the intentions are pure. but now that I've explained why this stuff bothers me, I'm asking you to put a little more thought into how you phrase your questions and comments. to be clear: for the most part I feel incredibly supported and appreciated here and I've been very impressed by this fandom's ability to not be morality police and manage their own content consumption. a lot of you have reached out with concern about the speed at which I was producing and I totally understand and value that. I honestly think I can keep up that pace for a little while longer... I just wanted to explain why I'm getting a little irritated and hopefully decrease the amount of asks I get repeating the same two or three things.

so, tl;dr -- I've been having a lot of fun writing and I plan to keep doing it as much as I can. some people are spoiling the fun for everyone by being (usually unintentionally) entitled and impatient. I don't mind you guys showing enthusiasm for things you'd like to see from me, in fact it's helpful because it tells me what might get a good reception. but please be thoughtful in how you make these requests and please support what I've already written if you want to see more. I think non-writers have a hard time understanding how inspiration works (hell, even writers don't really understand it in ourselves lol) and so it kinda just seems like if I can write about one thing I can write about any thing. but I only write so much and so fast because I write what speaks to me and not other people's ideas. again, thank you so much for all the love and support this past month!!

p.s. I also get asks multiple times a day asking when I will post a fic, especially if I've announced it. I always post fics between 4 and 5 PM central US time. I would recommend calculating when that is for you and I promise you'll find me posting very reliably at this time on days I have fics announced. hopefully this saves us all some trouble in the future lmao

#long post

[qawcamiz]

Hi! I really liked your Tighnari story, so I’m here to request more if you’re up to it! I was wondering how you’d think Tighnari react to his S/O getting hurt in a battle…(I totally get it if you’re busy and don’t want to take up my request though!)

Thank you!

Tiny bruise

notes: I can assure you all that I love receiving requests, so don't be afraid of sending your thoughts to my inbox, so I could help you with your scenarios 💗💗💗

also if this (plot) isn't what you're expecting im sorry 🙏🙏 i did my best 😭

Adventuring was one of your favorite things in the world, but even if that didn’t necessarily mean that it wasn’t risky, it didn’t make it any less exciting for you, especially since you valued it because it has brought you to love him.

Exploring the Teyvat with him was a lot like a tale, and he made sure to tell you about his many adventures whenever you were alone together, you could only imagine what he must have been through with the help of the numerous books on the history of Teyvat’s culture he had read, and you always listened to every word he said attentively,

Tighnari loved the fact that you would eagerly listen to anything he was telling you, and he knew you would do whatever you could to understand his experiences, which was something he cherished more than anything else.

Being a Woodland Watcher, He is also positively familiar with various species of forest creatures living in the jungle, he knows a lot about plants and trees and all types of creatures that live within them. He loves the magnificence of nature, and how it can give off beautiful vibes when you look at it.

He also once suffered from heatstroke while exploring the desert, which left him very vulnerable, so in the end he ended up declaring his disdain towards it.

Aside from not being fond of the desert, he was also not keen on the idea of you getting hurt on the combat field, Even though he's well aware that you're a strong and self-reliant person, he still felt responsible for everything that might happen to you, no matter what the circumstances might be. He is very protective of you, but he is quite willing to put aside those feelings and focus on protecting the two of you instead.

—

"Tighnari... I already told you it'll be fine! it's just a tiny bruise." You soothed him after taking a good look at the bruise that was already forming on your cheekbone. The swelling had already reached the size of a plum, and you could feel its pain radiating throughout your face. It wasn't too bad for now, but it certainly wouldn't go unnoticed.

"You wouldn't know, Even if it's a tiny bruise like what you're saying, it could still get infected if we don't take care of it properly, So just relax and let me take care of it. Also, try not to move so much, the scrapes tend to spread faster when you move." Tighnari gently held your chin between his fingers to prevent you from moving around too much, so as not to worsen the injury.

"I'm sorry... for being clumsy and weak, like- not being able to fight those stupid mushrooms properly and not knowing enough how to defend myself, I should've learned how to wield my weapon better..." Your words trailed off in a sad tone of voice, Tighnari noticed A tear began rolling down your cheek as you spoke, feeling guilty for making such a mess out of your situation.

"You have nothing to apologize for, love. The whirling fungus appeared from behind you, resulting in a tiny wound on your beautiful face, No one would ever predict that from happening since you were focused on fighting the floating fungus. Besides, there's no need for you to blame yourself when they are the reason why you're hurt in the first place.” His voice softened and the way he looked at you made your heart warm, you couldn't help but smile lightly at his kind words.

"You're making it hard for me to not kiss you right now." You pouted a little, which made Tighnari chuckle lightly. "what's stopping you from doing so?" He asked, and before your brain could stop you, you leaned forward and captured his lips with yours.

His lips felt soft and supple against yours, slightly chapped due to lack of use, but that only made his kiss even more tender. He held onto your cheeks, carefully, kissing you deeply, you wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss further and tangling your fingers through his hair.

It was passionate and full of love, and you couldn't help but think that this was exactly what you wanted.

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin tighnari #genshin impact tighnari #tighnari x you #tighnari x reader #tighnari #tighnari x yn #tighnari x y/n #tighnari fluff #genshin tighnari fluff

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 11: I Can't Think With You Yelling At Me!

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter eleven of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.2K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Drinking, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Angst.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: This one takes a bit of a turn guys, but I promise I know what I'm doing. :) Maybe? Probably?

********************************************

Previously:

Suddenly your phone rings, shattering the still silence in your apartment. For a second you hope that it's Butcher returning your call, but when you answer, it's not Butcher.

"Hello?"

"I need you." The familiar voice says.

Shit.

*********************************************

Present Day

“Thank you so much for coming!” Rosemary says dragging you through the front door of her two-bedroom apartment. “The sitter cancelled and I’ve got 5 minutes to make it to the hospital.”

Her dark brown hair frizzes out of a messy bun at the back of her head waving as she emphasizes her point with rapid hand gestures. The dusting of freckles across her cheeks catches in the light from the open windows at the back of her apartment as she traverses through the minefield of toys and children's books sprawled over the bright blue couches, the pastel rug, and the coffee table in the spacious living room.

As heartbroken as you were, you never regretted the night you and Ben spent together, because that meant you wouldn't have had Rosemary and you didn't want to imagine a world without her in it. She was the only good that came from that night. A surprise, but a welcome one. The years that followed losing Ben should have been empty, filled with an endless wandering of the world from someone who couldn’t age and couldn’t die, but they weren’t. Ben might have broken your heart, but he gave you the greatest gift. Rosemary filled the hole in your life and you wouldn’t change a thing. Even if it always ended up like this.

Well, besides the whole Ben possibly being alive this whole time and being tortured in a foreign country.

Rosemary was another reason why you had gotten out of being a supe. You didn't want that life for her and you were afraid that Vought would take her away. She was a second generation supe from two of the first and two of the most powerful supes. So for the early years of her life you lived on the coast of Maine in a small town, making sure that Rosemary had as normal a life as she could, despite having superpowers. At first you thought that she was like Ben, she was strong, faster than the average person, and had enhanced senses, but then you realized that her powers were more like yours except Rosemary did not have to die to obtain the powers of another supe. Rosemary could replicate any ability from a supe that she touched for one day, something you both realized when she was two and started to move things telekinetically around the house after she grabbed on to your arm and wouldn't let go. Which may have been fun for her, but not for you. Chasing around a two year old that could suddenly levitate sharp objects and throw them anywhere she wished was far from your idea of a good time.

When you moved back to NYC 10 years ago, the last time you saw Legend, you decided to introduce Rosemary as your cousin whenever anyone asked, including Stan Edgar, who showed up to one of your art shows as soon as you reappeared in the city, prepared to find out if you were Indigo.

You examine your daughter’s flustered expression, the wrinkled black scrubs, and the frantic beat of her heart that thuds loudly in your ears. Rosemary looked more like Ben than you. They had the same eyes, the same dark brown hair that turned into liquid honey in the sunlight, but you were the same height and had the same nose, your father's nose to be exact. And although Rosemary should be 39, she looked barely older than 27.

But despite her resemblance to Ben, it didn’t pain you to see her. You liked to think that she was a reminder of the boy you used to know, the one that you held on to for so many years when things got hard and all you saw was Soldier Boy and not the boy you loved.

She was the only person who knew everything about you and everything about Ben. She was the only family you had left, well, except for-

“Aunty y/n!” A small pink blur leaps towards your face from the end of the couch, to latch onto your upper body like a monkey climbing a tree.

You catch your four year old granddaughter, Lou, with a smile, twirling her around in the air.  Despite your relation, you made sure that Lou referred to you as aunt, as afraid as you were for exposing Rosemary to Vought, fear that they would take Lou away too haunted you at night. Rosemary also did not call you mom, except after Lou went to bed and only when she was upset.

You both figured that it was easier this way, at least until Lou was old enough to understand why you did things the way you did them.

Thankfully, Lou still hadn't presented any powers, which made you and Rosemary happy. It made finding a babysitter easier when you didn’t have to worry about a four year old picking up a couch and throwing it through a window.

Being with your family always made you feel better, despite everything that happened with yours, you always remembered what your father ingrained in you as a child- that the only real wealth in life was family.

Of course he also was the son of the man who owned more than half of the real-estate in Philadelphia and who personally invested with Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller, so he had room to make generalized statements like that.

When you first got the injection and refused to marry Howard it strained the relationship you had with your parents, well, mostly your mother. She hadn't taken it well, thought you were throwing your life away on Ben. Meanwhile your father and you continued to send letters back and forth until the day he died, despite your mother's want for him to cut ties with you. He was always supportive of what you were doing, wanted to know how Ben was, how you were, and would meet you for dinner occasionally in New York whenever he could. Ben would make an appearance every once in a while, but your mother never came, and it was always like a giant purple spotted elephant was sitting at the table beside you.

You wondered how much grief she gave your father whenever he went to see you. You had tried several times to send your mother letters, telling her of all the good you were doing, but she would send them back unopened. When your father died, you showed up to the funeral and she refused to let you sit on the pews reserved for family. Ben had come with you, and you practically had to drag him away when he started to yell back at her because he knew that despite you being all grown up, he knew that you weren’t strong enough to stand up to her.

"Hey Lou." You smile at your granddaughter. She too had Ben's brown hair, but her eyes were like yours that shone with excitement and happiness.

When Rosemary’s husband died just after Lou was born, you stepped in whenever you could to help her, that meant occasionally babysitting so Rosemary could go to work her overnight nursing shifts downtown in the emergency room.

"I missed you!" Lou hugs you around the neck. She's wearing a floral long sleeve shirt and a pair of pink overalls. Pink was her favorite color and you tried not to be reminded of the dresses your mother forced you to wear when you were younger.

"You saw me three days ago." You brush back the tangled mass of curls from her smiling face.

"Too long." Lou replies.

Rosemary breezes back into the room, toting a large bag over her shoulder. "Okay. I'm so sorry-"

"Don't apologize again!" You wave a hand. "Just go. We'll be okay."

"What are you going to do?" She roots through the bag, looking for some unseen object.

"Oh the usual. Watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I've heard great things about the remake-" You wanted to test if she was listening.

"Y/n!"

She passed.

"I'm kidding Rosie." You put your free hand on her shoulder, noticing the wear in her eyes and the dark circles that frame them. You try to remember if things were as hard for you when you were her age. Given that you had already been injected with Compound V and were living as a superhero you figured that they were.

Maybe when everything calms down we can all go for a long vacation somewhere.

"Okay." She sighs. Her eyes search your face for a second, brows pinching together. "Are you okay?"

You always thought her ability to read you was almost supernatural, but Rosemary wasn’t psychic.

"Um. It's been a rough few days." You shrug, adjusting your grip on Lou.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She looks worried.

"Yes. There are a few things we need to talk about. But when you get home. Go on. I can take care of the little gremlin for a few hours."

You didn't like it when she worried about you. Rosie had enough on her shoulders, she didn’t need the 90 plus years of baggage you dragged around everywhere. But what had happened over the past few days deserved a conversation. You were going to go to Russia to find out what happened to Ben and you weren't sure when you would come back or if you could. Going to Russia might mean exposing your identity, which meant you might have to cut and run. You also weren’t sure how much damage had been done after what happened with Countess. When you killed her, you had expected Vought or the police to show up at your door, but you thought that you covered your tracks pretty well. There wasn't a piece of her trailer left and no evidence to convict you, well, aside from the burned jacket in your apartment that you needed to get rid of. You were still hoping that you could salvage it, but it was doubtful.

Your thoughts drift to Rosemary and Lou. The thought of leaving them behind destroyed you, but if it meant keeping them safe from Vought, you knew that you'd have to do it. But you also wondered if you could leave them behind. They were all you had left.

"Okay. I love you." Rosie half-hugs you with her free hand.

"Love you too. Be careful."

"I love you mommy!" Lou crows as Rosemary kisses her on the head and walks out the front door.

"Alright, what do you want to do?" You ask Lou putting her down.

"PAINT!" She raises her hands over her head like a triumphant gladiator.

"I like where your head's at kid." You smile down at her. "Go get your kit, I'll meet you in the kitchen."

******************************************

When Rosemary gets home twelve hours later, Lou is asleep, but you sit up on the couch with your sketchbook.

Painting with Lou had been enough of a distraction from everything that happened the past few days and the memories of the past that kept rising at the back of your mind, but when she went to bed they started to rush back. The sketchbook had started as a way of escaping the thoughts of what you did to Countess and what she said about you and Ben, but the only thing that you could draw was him. His strong jaw, arching brow, bright green eyes, and mischievous smirk haunted you from the page in front of you.

You hadn't drawn him in over thirty years, hadn't seen him in forty, but you still remembered everything about him, his voice, his laugh, his smile… You had to actively shut off your brain to stop from thinking about him, but none of the usual tricks were working. All you could think about was what if he was alive out there and if the Russians had been torturing him all these years. He was alone.

Did he think that no one cared about him? That no one wanted him?

Yes you hated what he did to you, and as much as you wished that you didn't care, you did. And as much as he hurt you, the Ben you knew would have never left you to rot, he would have come for you and you knew that was what you needed to do for him. The problem now would be telling Rosemary.

Your daughter knew about him. You’d never held anything back when she asked you about her father, including the reason why you two "broke up." In hindsight it was probably not the greatest decision you'd made to tell her exactly what happened, but it was nice to have someone to confide in. And the two of you didn't keep secrets from one another.

"Hey." She whispers with a heavy sigh, collapsing onto the couch beside you. Rosemary drags here eyes around the apartment. "Did you clean?"

"Yeah. It was a bit messy." You smile, shutting the sketchpad so she can't see the page. "Plus I figured it would be nice to be able to sit on the couch without getting probed by one of Lou’s toys."

"Yeah. Don't think I need another little mermaid toy 'exploring' the secrets of the cave, if you know what I mean."

You laugh at her. "How was the shift?"

"Bleh."

"That good?"

"Mhmm." She leans her head against your bicep.

"You know I've been thinking," You put your arm around her shoulders. "Maybe we should all just get away for a few days. We haven't been to the coast in a while. And Lou loves the beach-"

"Don't you have that big show coming up next month?"

"Yeah, but I’ve been feeling a little bit uninspired. I'm thinking about postponing.”

She sits up to look at you, suspicious. "Alright, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong-"

Everything is wrong and I have no idea how to tell you what I need to.

“You have never once postponed a show before.” She raises an eyebrow. "And you’re the worst liar.”

"I’m not lying I am feeling a little bit uninspired.”

"Mom."

"Fine." But you still have no idea how to start the conversation.

How do I tell her that it’s possible her father has been alive this whole time and that he’s currently being held against his will in a Russian Lab? Why is this my life? What did I do to deserve this?

"Is this about Crimson Countess?" Rosemary asks, nudging her shoulder into yours.

"What?" Your head snaps up.

"Her death was on the news. I figured that hearing her name again would make you feel a little-" She moves her head back and forth trying to decide on the word. "Weird."

"It's partly that." You bite the inside of your cheek. "I'm going out of town for a few days-"

Oh and I killed Crimson Countess.

"Where?"

"I can't tell you?" Your face scrunches up as you say it.

"What?"

You sigh and rise from the couch, pacing in front of it. How do I explain this? How do I tell her?

"Why can't you tell me where you’re going? Is this another retreat for your art again? Like when you went camping?“ She almost sounds hopeful, as if that will make any of this okay.

Nothing is okay.

"A few days ago some men showed up at my apartment looking for me."

"Really? Why?"

"They wanted to know about Ben."

Rosie frowns at the mention of her father’s name. “Why? He's dead. And it's been what? 40 years?" She pulls one of the multicolored pillows into her lap, smoothing her finger over the stripes. The shift in her mood is obvious.

"I don't know. They introduced themselves as government agents and I told them the usual lie about Indigo being my mother and that she was dead. And told them a limited amount of information-"

"I still don't see why you have to leave for a few days?" She interrupts.

You press your lips into a tight line.

This is not going to end well.

Rosemary frowns. “What did you do?”

How can she read me so well? I'm her mother, I should be the one doing the reading!

"Alright, I'm going to say something and you can't freak out." Your hands are clasped in front of your chest tightly, trying to think of a way to tell her that you killed Countess.

"What?"

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"I killed her." You say it slowly, gauging her reaction.

"Who?"

"Crimson Countess. I lost control and I killed her."

"What?" Rosie rises from the couch so quickly you think she's flying. "You killed Crimson Countess?"

"Shhh. You're going to wake Lou. And what happened to the promise-" You look down the darkened hallway where your granddaughter is asleep in her room.

Because that's just what the situation needs, for Lou to find out I'm a murderer.

"Fuck the promise! Why were you even with her?" Rosemary asks you, her eyes are still wide.

"That's why it's complicated-"

"Uncomplicate it now." She puts her hands on her hips looking ridiculously like your mother.

"I went there because I started to think about how Ben died, and I realized that I never heard it from her. I heard it from Legend and from Stan Edgar and I wanted to-“

"So you killed her?"

"She said a lot of things that upset me, but she also told me that-" The words catch in the back of your throat. "That Ben might not be dead."

"He's what?" She shouts.

"Rosemary I'm serious you have to stop shouting. Your neighbors are going to call the cops and that's the last thing I want right now."

"Well obviously because you murdered someone and covered it up!"

"Please get off the high horse. She wasn’t a good person.” You snap before you can stop yourself.

Guess the guilt is gone. Honestly, what guilt?

"Fine." She closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath. "Go on."

"The Russian army took him. Which means that there's a possibility he's still alive and I need to know." You didn't expect her to understand why you needed to go. You just hoped that she would let you.

"Are you kidding? This guy did terrible things to you and to other people! He said horrible things to you and you're going to go help him? I say just leave him to rot!” Her green eyes flash around the room, familiar in a way that makes your heart ache.

Her harsh words hurt. Rosemary only knew what you’d told her about her father and although you tried to tell her about the way Ben was when he was younger as she got older Rosemary wanted to know why you and Ben had a fight. And you didn't like lying to her. Now you consider that maybe you should have.

Because what if he was alive? Would she want to meet him? Would he care enough to want to meet her or Lou? I mean I can cut him out of my life, but if Rosemary wants to know him I shouldn't stand in her way...

You and Ben weren't exactly careful that night, but you weren't sure if he just never cared about that kind of thing before. You weren't sure if he actually wanted kids, the one time you'd asked him and he'd said it "maybe" sounded nice to have some kids. You didn't know if that was a good standard to hold him to or not, given that he was drunk when he said it.

Then again, Ben was always drunk.

"I know that you can't understand this, but even though I hate him, I can't leave him. If the roles were reversed, if it was me, Ben wouldn't leave me. Even with everything he said.” Your chest tightens. "And it hurts me to think that he's been there since 1984 with those people doing God knows what to him."

Rosie sighs. "Mom, I know that you love him, but maybe it's better this way. He’s out of you life. You’re doing better than you were. You said it yourself you felt trapped when you were a supe-“

"He might not even be there. I just need to know what happened. And that means I have to leave for a little bit and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to come back.”

"Wait what do you mean? You'd come back. You'd go over there, find out and then come back right?" She looks confused.

You press your lips together. "There's a possibility that if I do this, it will expose me, and I’ve already evaded Vought once. I’m not sure I can do it again.”

"So, what? You're gonna go over there and throw away everything for a guy that shit all over your heart and threw you away? Really? You're going to throw Lou and me away for him?" She's gesturing wildly with her hands now, eyes flashing around the room and again you're reminded of Ben.

"I'm not throwing you away-"

 It breaks your heart that she'd think that you'd do that, that you were willing to sacrifice them so easily.

Am I doing that?

"You're throwing away the life that you've built for yourself. You told me that you were more happy now that you'd been in the past. And now as soon as you hear about him you go right back? Just like how he made you leave your family-"

"He didn’t make me leave my family, it was my choice! I’m not throwing away the life that I have made and I'm not throwing away you or Lou. If you or Lou were taken, you better believe that I would fight for you, I wouldn't leave you to fend for yourselves for any amount of time. You are my family. And yes Ben is an asshole and I've hated him for the past forty years, but I can't leave him."

"I can't believe you're doing this." She pinches the bridge of her nose frustrated.

"I believed after all these years that the reason why Ben died was because I wasn't there. And Countess confirmed it."

"But he's not dead!"

"Maybe. But they made us fight so that I wouldn't be there. They wanted us to fight because they knew they wouldn't be able to stop me if they turned on him-" You try to reason with her, but you know she won’t listen.

She's just so damn stubborn. Just like someone else I know.

"That doesn't matter! That doesn't make what he did or said any less okay." Rosie snaps, before her gaze softens. “It doesn’t change anything. They may have caused you guys to fight, but Ben said those things to you. They didn’t make him say that or do that. He chose to. And I can’t believe that you’re going to forgive him-“

"I don't have to forgive him and I don’t want to. It’s not about forgiveness. I can't leave him. He might be able to turn his back on me, but I can’t stand back and ignore him if he needs help. Believe me I wish I could. I wish that after everything that happened I could walk away, but I can't.  And I know you don't understand that but-" You try to take a step towards her, but she steps back.

"That's not what I don't understand. What I don't understand is you playing with the possibility of losing this for him." She gestures around the apartment. "Do we really mean that little to you that you drop everything for someone that used you and treated you like you meant nothing?"

"You both mean everything to me. Trust me when I say that, but the fact that those two men showed up at my apartment and everything that happened with Countess means that I'm already involved. They already made this about me. I don't know why they needed to know about him, and I want to know why.”

“I can’t believe this.” She stalks past you into the kitchen to get down a bottle of tequila from the top shelf above the stainless steel refrigerator where she locks it away from Lou.

“Rosemary you’re so young-“

“Don’t make this about age. You’re older than me and you should know better.” She angrily pours a shot of tequila before knocking it back.

You try not think that the answer to all of your problems might lie in the bottom of that bottle. Sobriety definitely wasn’t getting any easier, not after you killed Countess or the revelation that Ben was possibly still alive. And especially not now in this fight.

“When you finally told me about him, it was the first time I’d ever seen you break.” Rosemary isn’t looking at you, she's looking down at the floor. “You’ve always been this strong independent figure in my life. You never needed anyone’s help to raise me. You’re so strong and formidable,  but then you told me what he did to you and I’ve never seen you look so small.”

The memories of what happened between you and Ben surge up again, but you beat them away with a stick. The last thing you wanted right now was to relive that in the middle of this fight.

She looks up, locking eyes with yours. “I don’t know why you would do this to yourself again, put yourself through that-”

“Because I still love him.” You mutter. As soon as you say it, you know it’s true. Ben did terrible things, said horrible things, but deep down you still loved the boy you grew up with. And maybe that was the problem, you imagined the boy you grew up being tortured and left to rot, and the thought broke you. “And I don’t know how to stop. Even after everything he did, we spent so many years together and the memory of them doesn't just vanish. I won’t be able to live with myself knowing that I could have helped him and I didn’t.”

Rosemary stands there halfway in the kitchen and the living room, the bottle hanging from her right hand. This time she drinks right from the bottle before answering. “If you really need to do this, then I'm going with you."

"No."

"Why not? I'm as powerful as you-"

"It's not about being powerful, I don't want this life for you, I've never wanted this life for you. I've worked so hard to keep you out of it-"

"But-"

"No. This is why I introduce you as my cousin, why you were homeschooled, why Lou is homeschooled, why Lou doesn't call me grandma, why you don't call me mom around other people. If Vought finds out about you or Lou, it won't matter. None of this will matter.”

"You don't know that." She says it softly.

"I do." You take her hand. "Rosemary, you are one of the strongest supes I've ever met and you're second generation. And Lou, we don't even know what her powers are, but I can guarantee that as soon as Vought finds out they will come for you both. There's a reason why I never told them what my real power was. I kept you both far from this and I don't want them to know."

"I don't want you to do this alone. What happens if you get taken over there?"

"What if you come with me and we both get taken? What about Lou then? What would happen to her? I don't want her to grow up without a family. Please. Just let me do this. It’ll probably take 2-3 days tops.”

Rosemary doesn’t look happy. “I don’t care how long it’s going to take. The only thing I care about is losing you.”

“They’re not going to take me-“

“Not just then.” She sighs. “I mean after. If you do have to cut and run-.” Rosemary shifts her eyes towards the hallway where Lou is asleep in her room before bringing them back to you. “I don’t care how complicated it is, we will go with you.”

“I won’t ask you to do that-“

“It’s what family does. It’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make. I can always get another job, Lou can be homeschooled anywhere, and I don’t want Lou to live in a world where you’re not here. She needs her grandmother.”

Her words make tears prick in your eyes as you watch her determined stance. Rosemary and Lou were the only family you had left, the only two people that you cared about in the whole world. And maybe she was right, maybe you were throwing it all away for Ben. You hated yourself for wanting to help him, but you knew if the roles were reversed Ben would have come for you.

Well, the old Ben would have come to get me, maybe not Soldier Boy.

"You got another glass?" You ask with a sigh, looking at the bottle in her hand.

"You sure?" Rosemary raises an eyebrow.

"I'm gonna need it to get through the next few days. There's no way I can do any of this shit sober." You mutter following her into the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, you're both sitting at her kitchen table with a bottle of whiskey and a fresh bottle of tequila between you. The haze of alcohol is making you feel infinitely better given the past few days you've had.

The whiskey burns pleasantly as you take a drink from the bright green sippy cup in your hand. Rosemary hadn’t washed dishes so this was the best she had. You knew you probably looked ridiculous.

Rosemary eyes you. "I can't believe you're drinking."

"I really needed this." You snort. "Given the past few days I've had-"

"I also can't believe you killed her."

"She wasn't a good person." You frown remembering what Countess said to you. "Plus I never liked her even before everything that happened. I know that's not a god enough reason to kill someone, but I can't change that now." You run your fingers through your hair to push it back from your face, trying to lose yourself in the buzz, but Ben keeps flashing through your mind.

Damn it, he's invaded by subconscious again.

Another few minutes pass as Rosemary sits there taking a sip from the bottle in front of her. “Do you really miss him that much?”

You pause considering the question. “Yes and no. I miss the person he used to be, before all of this. I think that’s the problem. I’m holding on to the person I grew up with. That’s all I keep thinking. That boy I knew being tortured in that lab.”

“It’s why you stayed on Payback for so long?”

“Yeah.” You take another drag of whiskey frowning at the sippy cup. “Sometimes I’d get glimpses, shapes really and it would make me forget who he was as Soldier Boy and then when I woke up the next day, Soldier Boy was back and Ben was gone.”

There were always quiet moments when it was just the two of you, when you forgot who he became and all you saw was the boy you used to know. When the cameras weren't rolling, the team was gone, and Ben was crashing at your apartment, for some unknown reason. He would do that, continue to show up at your apartment like he had when you were kids. It never made sense to you, especially because he only slept in your room growing up to escape his father. You couldn't think of a reason why he slept at your apartment when you were adults.

Probably just didn't want to be alone.

“That’s why you slept with him?”

“Yes. That night all I saw was the old Ben. And then I woke up with Soldier Boy.” You bite the inside of your cheek as the memory of the morning that followed washes over your mind. You never understood why he ran to Countess, never understood how he could push you away after all the years you spent together. Why he lied and said that he didn't care, because he had to. After everything you’d been through Ben had to care. You remember what Countess said to you and your shoulders sink under the weight.

Or maybe he was just a better liar than I thought.

“Do you regret sleeping with him?”

You look up at your daughter. She really does look like Ben. She was strong, determined, stubborn, and the way she held herself was so confident. And even though she would have been one of the strongest supes she chose to be a nurse, chose to devote her life to helping people instead of the shock and awe of the superhero world. You were so proud of her. You wondered if Ben would be too.

“No.”

“Why? You say that you loved who he was and then he-"

“Because he gave me you. I wouldn’t change a thing. You and Lou are the only thing that matter to me. I know you hate it when I say this, but you’re so young, you have no idea what it’s like to live as long as I have without changing. And whenever it was just me and Soldier Boy I was so alone until Ben came back. I don’t think I would have lasted these years without you Rosemary, think I would have given in to Vought or maybe gone to the government-“

“Are you serious?” Her eyebrows pull together as a worried frown graces her lips. She knew what you were saying.

“Yeah. But I am happy. Happy for the first time in a long time. The problem now is dealing with everything over there.”

“How about I come with you and wait in a hotel-" Rosemary tries again.

“No. It has to be me. I have to go.”

She sighs. “I just hate the idea that you’re not going to come back.”

“I’m going to come back." You smile. "If you can remember I'm a supe too-"

“If they’ve been able to hold him all these years, that means they could take you too.”

“Don’t know if I should be scared or impressed.” You snort into the cup.

“It not funny.”

“Fine, if I’m not back in a week, then I give you permission to come. But I don’t think you’ll need to.”

"You're old and decrepit. Probably will need my help-"

"Low blow."

She smiles faintly.

You roll the glass in your hand for a moment, watching the amber liquid swirl against the green sides. "If he is alive, would you want to meet him?"

Rosemary takes a long pull of tequila, but doesn't answer for a long time. "When I was a kid, sometimes I'd imagine that he was still alive-"

"What?" You looked at her genuinely shocked. You hadn't realized that she ever thought about Ben.

"That he would walk up our long driveway at our house in Maine and we'd be a family. That was before you told me about that night." She runs one of her fingers down the label of the bottle frowning. "I don't know. After what he did to you, I don't know.  Plus I’m almost forty years old, don’t really think I need a father now.”

This time you reach for the bottle of Whiskey, not bothering with the empty sippy cup. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you what he did. Should have let you fantasize about him, see the good-"

"I'm glad you did." She squeezes your hand. “And you didn't just show me the bad, you told me about the good times too."

"Maybe too much bad."

"I don't hate him. I'm mad at him for what he did to you, but I don't hate him."

"So it's a maybe?"

"I guess. I say that now, but I think my reaction if I do ever meet him will probably be the complete opposite. I’m also not sure if he should be around Lou.”

“Ben wouldn’t hurt her.” You press your lips together. "I don't think he would."

“Maybe not intentionally.”

"He's not a bad guy, well-" You take a sip from the bottle, remembering the fight. “He’s just complicated. I guess.”

And I'm still making excuses for him. 

“Sounds like you’re going to forgive him.” Rosemary is frowning at you.

For someone who wants to maybe meet him, she’s acting like she still doesn’t want me to forgive him.

“Trust me, our story is over, finally. I’m just going to bust him out of wherever the hell he is and then I’ll never have to see him ever again.” You remember what you yelled at one another the night of the premiere and it strengthens your resolve. You didn't want to forgive him, you just wanted to get him the hell out of Russia and maybe slap him around a bit and then go home and finally move on with your life. Because you were slowly realizing you never did, you just packed it all away deep down and pretended to move on. "This isn't about forgiveness, it's so I can live with myself."

"I just don't think you should forgive him so easily."

"I don't want to and I'm not going to. He doesn't deserve that." You mutter that last part into the bottle, because it was true. Ben didn't deserve your forgiveness, hell, he didn't deserve you risking your life to find him, but you had to.  His death left such a big hole in your life and you beat yourself up about it for years, you not being there for him when he needed you the most. But now, going to Russia, getting him back, meant that you could finally move on, that you could close the hole and finally be at peace.

Rosemary leans back in her chair with a sigh. “Promise me,  you're going to come back."

"I promise. Not even Homelander can stop me." You smile at her. “Now I just got to figure out where Ben is.”

Easy. Yeah right.

***************************************************

Thank you so much for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126, @simplyfixated @sleepjam, @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts,@onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan

#soldier boy x you #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy/ben #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #jensen ackles #jackles #the boys #the boys season 3 #the boys series #the boys tv #soldier boy fic #the boys s3

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

Silver lips pt2

❒ pairing: Jungkook x 8thmember!OC

❒ genre: Spicy but not too spicy, I guess it's up to you lol

❒ words: 1.5k

❒ summary: In which the urge to be the first to kiss her ex-boyfriend since he got a lip piercing becomes something more

❒ notes: Read part one here -> Silver lips part one

❒ warnings: Tipsy OC; Half Naked OC; JK calling OC 'love' like A LOT

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

Takes place during the events of the American Music Awards 2021

A matter of minutes, a bottle of particularly alcoholic champagne and an euphoric performance were enough to bring Chaeri sitting on one of Jungkook's legs with the claim of being the first to taste his lips after the piercing addition. 

His hands laid somewhere between her hip and back, sending shivers through the too-thin fabric of the dress she was wearing.

"You want me to kiss you"

"Yes"

Not even a hint of hesitation in her voice. The girl had wanted no more since the day he walked in front of her with the silver ring decorating his lips.

"Take it yourself"

It had always been their habit, or rather an intimate game, to tease each other and enjoy whoever could get the other to give in first to the temptations offered. She couldn't keep count of how many times she'd heard him say those three words. When they were in a relationship she gave him a hard time way more often than Jungkook liked to admit. For the past two years, however, such interactions between them became so rare that she couldn't hold on as long as she wanted. That man would melt her and rearrange her at his will.

All she had to do was lean over just enough to place her lips on Jungkook's and feel him gasp, as if he was taking his first breath of air since the moment she sat on him.

Chaeri's eyes were closed to isolate any sense other than that feeling.

Her hands were immediately on either side of the boy's neck as they both parted their lips to satisfy their appetite for the other.

The piercing was a sweet and exciting addition to which Chaeri paid special attention. She bit, pulled and licked his lips. For that her mind was lighter than for all the alcohol she had drunk since the awards evening had ended.

Jungkook helped her settle better on him. He held her suspended long enough for Chaeri to spread her legs and position them on either side of his thighs. She was fully seated on him. A moan of pleasure escaped from both of their throats as their privates met in that position.

Jungkook's fingers began to travel down her body, tracing imaginary lines from her ankles up to her thighs, to the edge of her dress.

Chaeri pulled away from his lips to enjoy the sight of his touch

"You are so soft, love. So delicate. You make me want to ruin you."

She felt the pressure on her thighs getting heavier and heavier. The boy's eyes a mixture of desire and perdition. They were doing something terribly wrong and yet it felt so right

"God, Jungkook."

The firm grip he had on her made her tremble. She needed something more

"I haven't even touched you properly yet, why are you falling apart so easily?"

She could see he was enjoying too much himself on making her so desperate

" Actually, I was wondering why you hadn't started, afraid you might not satisfy me enough?"

His cocky smirk made its way out again "Pretty bad if you think that, love. It's my fault, tho, if you don't remember how satisfied you are when I touch you. It's been too long. I promise it will happen so often that you won't be able to forget anymore."

Oh, that was her favourite form of seduction: Confident words. And the knowledge that they were not just words but facts that, of course, she remembered perfectly.

She stole another kiss from him, quickly. And another. And another. She could have consumed her lips and still wouldn't have had enough.

Jungkook's touch went up her dress, her butt, her back, all the way to the front, running his chilly fingertips over her breasts, which made her gasp instantly.

Underneath she had no top or bra, just extremely thin boob tape.

She bit her lips to keep from moaning at such a light touch.

"Oh, sensitive there, aren't we?" 

Her nipples became turgid and evident through the cloth. She could feel Jungkook's pants become even tighter underneath her and her panties even wetter

He bent down to kiss the sensitive part first on her dress. He gave both breasts a little kiss. Not satisfied, he preferred to slide the layer that separated him from her skin down to rest on her belly. Gently he peeled the tape off her breasts, tossing it somewhere behind them

"Useless"

She, at that point, was literally on the edge of begging him to take her there, in that chair, at the risk that any moment someone from the staff, one of their members or worse, one of the managers, might walk in and find them in that state. She only wanted him, everything else was irrelevant.

"So pretty"

He rested his lips on a bare nipple again, this time. He took his time to taste it, play with it with his teeth and intensify the rubbing with the piercing.

Chaeri's throat was so dry it almost hurt to speak "Please". She felt herself burning from the inside. Jungkook's eyes rose to hers. He was so gorgeous. And he was her own for that night.

"Please what, love?"

Please what? Please make me yours, please don't stop kissing me, please let this moment never end. She could have answered in a million ways

"I don't know"

She felt the vibration of his laughter on her bare skin "You've already become a mess"

Jungkook squeezed both hands behind the girl's back as he brought his mouth to her neck. Chaeri's most sensitive spot. And they both knew it well. At first his lips were gentle, sliding up the length of her skin, leaving small kisses along the way. When he began to bite, however, all the girl's remaining composure faded. She gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into his skin. He bit and sucked on one particular spot where in the past had left numerous marks. He overstimulated that part so much that he heard Chaeri say to him "Please stop, you will leave a hickey". And that was exactly what happened. He ran his tongue over it. Red and inflamed it marked the weight of Jungkook's presence in Chaeri's life. He was fucking proud of it. And he was completely lost for the girl who sat on him.

Should he really have spent his life feeding off those fleeting moments, driven by a lack of common sense and rule-breaking? It was not enough for him, yet he had been given no alternative. "I lov-"

Those almost spoken words were enough for her to regain her self-control. She was quick to cover his mouth with her hand. No, she did not want to hear him say those words

"Don't say that. Don't say it or I won't be able to pretend that none of this ever happened tomorrow. That everything we were never happened."

The air full of electricity and sexual desire faded in seconds, all was followed by minutes of silence. Their gazes were glued to each other, full of comprehension, melancholy and regret. The boy gently kissed the inside of her hand, permission to break free from the imposed silence. Chaeri released his mouth and calmly got to her feet again, he immediately after her. One step from each other.

"Let's put you back in shape and go where the others are."

Chaeri nodded and did not retreat when he gently helped her pull up the sleeves and corset of her dress. They could both see their reflection in the long mirrored wall at the back of the room, where only a few hours earlier they had spent their time preparing for the performance.

She was at least decent. But certainly the shape of the still turgid nipples poking out of the fabric and the obvious hickey on her neck left little to the imagination. She kept looking at herself in the mirror as she pondered how to solve both problems when Jungkook slid the jacket off his body and laid it on her shoulders "Cover yourself with this. For your neck, if you allow me to.." He left the sentence pending as he pulled from her hair the silk ribbon that had held it in a half-tied hairstyle until that moment. He wanted to put it around her neck as if it were a chocker, an accessory worn on purpose. He stood behind her as he knotted it. "Thank you." He gave her a smile, completely different from the ones he shown her moments before.

When he was done helping her, he took a step back.

"Maybe I'd better go out first, you can join us in a few minutes."

Jungkook nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. Nervous, uncomfortable. That situation had been going on for too long and was getting hard for both of them. Chaeri walked towards the door determined to join the members who chose to entertain themselves with international celebrities at that event. She rather stayed with Jungkook, of course.

"Call me a fool-"

The boy's voice stopped her just before she crossed the door

"-but I still believe that one day we will be free to love each other"

Chaeri did not turn to look at him but smiled anyway. She would have liked to believe it too.

She left the room and the boy alone.

Not long afterwards, Chaeri's solo 'Silver lips' was uploaded to all digital platforms, causing much success and a storm among fans especially for its lyrics

Credits to the real musician for the lyrics: Favorite Flavor by Tommy Power

#bts 8th member #bts scenarios #jungkook imagines #jungkook x reader #bts female addition #jungkook scenarios #bts eighth member #bts idol au #bts 8th member au #bts imagines #kpop female member #kpop female oc #bts au #bts au fanfic #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bts #jungkook #jimin #bts v #j hope #rap monster #suga #jin

[crazykuroneko]

IWTV S2E01 First Watch Note

The notes I took while watching in case anyone is interested. Under the cut.

Anyway, I'm grateful they have improved the Episode Insider and now it's really something worth watching

• It's still a recap but the score slays already. Omg Daniel Hart you deserve all the awards

• I love how it says episode 8 and the silhouette of war torn Europe.

• On Claudia dreaming: Present Louis holding onto Claudia's diaries to provide a fact in the past

• Delainey is insane. Just from being silent, we could feel how torn Claudia is

• Interesting they gave ep 1 to a new director to set the tone

• So before this interview happened, when Louis still believed he killed Lestat in NOLA, he got to read this edited diaries and didn't understand what Claudia wrote? I mean, imagine reading the bitterness in her words yet you didn't know where they came from. The break down in Ep 7 triggers more memories for him to remember

• I think Daniel is similar to Lestat in a way. The more he's afraid of Armand the more crass he is. That Shah Rukh Khan comment, boy stfu

• It's insane how Louis posed dead Lestat like Jesus. 

• Okay, I'm gonna "translating" DreamStat lines like I did with dead Abigail Hobbs

• The way Dreamstat shows Louis still misses Lestat and starts to ponder if Claudia worth it. The resentment building.

• OH THE LOUSTAT LEITMOTIF AFTER LOUIS SAID SORRY TO DREAMSTAT. slower version of In Throes in Increasing Wonder

• The lines Dreamstat did are so loaded with meanings. Louis' guilt for killing Lestat; his fear that he will come for revenge; his fear that once he's finally in better place, everything will crumble again; and his longing for him just from how intimately they're talking

• Oh, Louis is obsessed to get everything right. That will gradually eat his mental stability 

• Photo of Grace as his wife. Louis you're so funny

• Real Rashid deserves a hell of bonus and a promotion istg

• I don't understand Russian etc, but the use of foreign language and accented English has been smooth so far. A world better than whatever the fuck Mayfair Witches did. And they only had to cover one language.

• "In a landfill and five years of garbage on top." Louis, garbage wouldn't stop him 😭. I wonder where Lestat has been for 5 years tho. Recovering with that many rats are easy. Okay, let's say 3/6 months on rats. Once he gets up, he could kill the first person coming to a landfill. Then it will be smooth sailing. One year tops to recover. Two years, if you'd think he's depressed over Louis killing him idk. 

• The emotion in Claudia's eyes 😭

• "Change the subject when the truth blinds you" Oh, she got him.

• That insane monologue Jacob does. Louis starting to remember which is true which is not (he re-remembers the fall, mind you). 

• So because the blood is bad, vampires there can't get warmer and feel their sadness and sickness as well. And when they want to turn someone, it's either fail or they turn into a revenant. At least according to Louis.

• Oh, Daciana can taste how strong their blood is. How long they can live. 

• I wonder what went through Claudia's head, seeing Daciana emulated herself. She (deservedly, after all his lies) didn't believe Lestat when he said his maker burnt himself. Ofc it didn't make any sense to her ears at that time, burning yourself after you turned someone. But now she witnessed it herself. Someone who could have told her everything, killing themselves after feeling lost and untethered (Daciana lost all of her fledlings)

• "My name is in some of those pages" Louis isn't even listening to his fear. He's deadset on this. And Armand is anxious.

• The face Armand made. Does Louis know he has men around his pinky just for a drop of his affection?

• Louis agreed with Armand to basically shut Daniel up and turn him into a fumble journalist again when he still wants the truth is interesting 

• Is that the groan? It's louder now.

• Daniel's reaction when seeing Loumand walking in together is so funny 🤣

• Wait, Session 7 is Ep 7. There are two sessions in this episode and it's Season 10 now. so, what happened in Season 8?

• The way Lestat is there during the You and Me lines, but it's not really Lestat. It's the embodiment of Louis' doubt on this new life he chose together. The way Claudia sitting there so small; Lestat lovingly softly gazing at her. Oh, Louis so wants to believe his words himself.

• Louis arrives in Paris with desperation to prove that this life is worth it; that killing Lestat was worth it; that he'll get that happiness. Even though he's afraid Lestat will come or it will crumble the moment he reaches it. Oh, Louis.

#iwtv #iwtv spoilers #iwtv first watch #moi.txt

[shhh-secret-time]

I was going through my drabbles and WIPs and found my first rough draft on Craig’s Soulmate fic. I didn't wanna share it at the time because I was afraid of the backlash I would get with it, but I think part of the "Finding fun in writing" again is to stop caring and just doing it. So here's the snippet! It'll probably stay in WIP hell, but I'm glad I didn't delete it.

Warning: Angst, Strong Language

'Come back to this when you're ready, don't push yourself okay?'

Craig reads the scratchy handwriting over and over again. The ink bled into the napkin long ago, coffee stained the corners. It's lost the scent of whatever brew it was, but he thinks he still remembers the smell.

How could he forget the smell? It was on his shirt almost every day. On his lips when they kissed. Sometimes grounds of the brown powder would be in his hair, Craig would spend hours picking out the little bits.

"You don't have to do that." He'd tell him with a feeble attempt to swat his hand away.

"I want to." Craig would say back.

Now, all is left of the bittersweet memory is the napkin in his hand. Craig presses his thumb into the napkin, grimacing at the texture. He sends a shiver down his spine that's far too uncomfortable, but he doesn't stop. The material is old, likely to tear at any moment. It wasn't designed to be kept this long. Or at all, for that matter. But he can't bring himself to get rid of it. It's the last thing he has of him that he hasn't thrown away or given back.

Tweak Tweek had a soulmate. And it wasn't Craig Tucker.

Craig Tucker did not have a soulmate. Born without one.

Funny how that works.

Except it wasn't. It wasn't fucking funny, it was cruel. That life would determine such a thing for people. What gave life the right to decide who falls in love and who doesn't?! And how come it saw fit to keep him out of the loop? Why didn't he get fancy ink on skin, stupid flowers growing out of his face, or a damn counter that counts away at the moments until you finally meet your so called forever partner?

Tweek had turned sixteen when it happened. A clock on his wrist began to count down, at first he panicked, because of course he did. It was the first time in years he had actually managed to pull his hair out. Of course Craig was there to calm him down, to put his hat over his head so he could pull the strings instead. Did he still have that hat?

After calming the blond down, they worked together to find out what it meant. Mr. Tweak explained it to his son with Craig sitting right there. Right in front of his partner, the man explained that Tweek had a soulmate. That the timer was going to keep ticking away until he found his soulmate. When it hit zero, they were destined to meet.

Four years, eleven months, twenty-two days.

That was how much time he had left. How much time Craig had left before he lost Tweek to destiny. Stupid fucking unfair destiny.

The whole town had made a spectacle about it when they heard the news, of course Richard Tweak couldn't keep his mouth shut. His gay son was going to lose his boyfriend, because Craig didn't have a timer on his wrist. The only other thing he could say about the whole situation was that the breakup was going to be bad for business.

Craig was determined to prove him wrong, that Tweek wouldn't leave him because of some soulmate bullshit. And at first he was right. Four more years went by and they were still going strong, hell Craig would have said it only brought them closer. Then on the twenty second day of the eleventh month, Tweek met a man who swept him away.

It's been almost a year since that day and he can still smell the coffee in his hair, he can still feel the tears on his face. Those angry defiant tears that came with words that shouldn't have been said. Things he could never take back. No matter how many times he drove his fist into the dirty brick wall, it wouldn't bring him back.

Fuck it.

#south park #sp fanfiction #south park fanfiction #tweak tweek #craig tucker #tweek x craig #sp creek #creek angst #secret soulmate au #not a request #wip hell #rough draft I will never finish #unless?? #I could... #maybe one day #just thought I'd share a little hurt #if I do it'll stay a creek fic #won't be reader insert #shhh its a secret

[sciderman]

hi sci! i think at least once a day i am taken aback by how much of an incredible artist you are. your ability to create and your passion for it is just astounding to me, over the course of a few years your work has become such a pillar of inspiration for me 💘

i've asked you before for drawing tips and i value those so much but i've found myself actually wanting more and more to get into writing fanfiction but i have about a million worries and i'm not entirely sure to start. i definitely smashed out a few so-bad-its-bad obscure anime fanfictions as a kid but i really haven't touched creative writing in eons. I know you've been writing for a good while, but do you have any writing tips you tend to refer to or any advice for begginners? ... and any advice on getting over my internalised cringe culture when i can't open a word document and type out "peter parker" without shrivelling into myself...

anyway! have a great day! i love you very much and i am so excited for the spidercablepool fic to ruin my train of thoughts for the forseeable future :] ❤️

immediate cringe upon the mention of "peter parker" is par for the course, i'm afraid

bless you so much @saeram!! bless you for all your kind words, i... houugh... thank you so, so much. thank you so much for reading the goofy things i put out into the world - i'm so, so glad you're enjoying it!

i don't know if i have a lot in the way of writing advice - i think the only way to overcome the shame of it is just to whisper "i am cringe and i am free" and do it. i think anything you enjoy doing is worth doing - and, you know, if it's not enjoyable you just wouldn't do it. you post your first fanfiction - you get feedback, you find out people hate it when you write in first person. you learn, you come back stronger than ever. (not from personal experience. okay. yes. it's from personal experience.)

(i still like my first person pov fics. shut up.)

maybe my first advice is don't write in first person (people hate that.) (but actually i love it, when it's done well. but i'm freaky kinky.)

i'd say reading definitely helps when it comes to writing, but again, that's me giving good advice that i don't follow (i'm jared, 19.) - i mostly read comics. and i mostly read comics that i don't enjoy. don't be like me. read things that you enjoy - even if you've read it a hundred times before, odds are, it'll inspire.

i did say when people asked me advice on writing dialogue (which is my absolute FAVOURITE thing to write) - watching movies and television with dialogue / characters that you really like honestly really helps - more so than reading, I think, for me. performance is so, so important when i'm writing dialogue. it's not just words, i have to have such a clear picture of how it's being said, ya feel. how the characters are performing it. and so, in that way, it plays out a little bit like a movie in my head, even though there's still a lot of internal monologue in there (the internal monologue i write is often very reliant on visual metaphor too - i'm just - i'm a really visual person, i think.)

all in all i don't think there's any better advice than just DO it. just DO it! and once you've done it once, the second time is easier. and then the next, and then the next. it might help to discuss it with others - do some back-and-forth, or even have proof-readers - (i rarely do, but i also love to overshare all my wips, because i'm a giddy little schoolgirl when i'm knee-deep in my writing.)

if you'd like to spitball ideas or share your writing (particularly in regards to peter parker, my beloved) i'd be happy to help! god speed and good luck, and i hope you'll be putting your beautiful fanfic babies out into the universe for us starving folk to enjoy

#sci speaks #advice #kisses you tenderly on the mouth. you'll do amazing sweetie..

[ameliagiovanna0]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you @sisterofficerlucychen ilu 💕

How many works do you have on Ao3?

13

2. What is your total Ao3 word count?

22,129

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Rookie and Chicago PD

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I Guess I'm Still Learnin' (How To Talk To Girls)

Feel Your Kiss On Me

I Kinda Might Sorta Like Love You A Little Bit

When I Taste Tequila

Forever Feels Like This

5. Do you respond to comments?

I definitely try to. I used to be a lot better about it. But I absolutely read every single one

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think any of them? I don't really do angst 😅 If I had to pick, I'd say Giants simply because the ✨situation ✨wasn't resolved

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I Guess I'm Still Learnin' (How To Talk To Girls) is hella fluffy and it just has happy vibes. The ending for You Guys Got Married is just warm and fuzzy for me because I wrote it exactly how I wanted it to happen on screen

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! I've never gotten any negative comments. Everyone has been so kind 🥰

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've tried, but I'm very bad at it lol. I've definitely written my fair share of allusions to something more spicy, but that's about it. I'd love to give it a better shot one of these days

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

no, it's not really my thing. I'm not really a huge fan of reading them either

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I once had a scene stolen almost word for word, but not an entire fic. I hasn't thrilled about it, but I chose to take it to mean that I did well writing the scene 😂

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

no, but that would be pretty cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really. @lady-rhaesnow beta read You Guys Got Married and offered some suggestions after I pestered her lol. I would love to cowrite something. I'm going to quote Ivy and say holler at me if you want to 😁

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Upstead was the reason I joined tumblr and started writing fics to begin with, and they'll always be my first love. Booth and Brennan were my first ever ship, so they hold a special place in my heart. However, Chenford has my whole heart at the moment ☺

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I Guess I'm Still Learnin' (How To Talk To Girls)

I've been working on a third chapter off and on for months. I just can't figure out how to make it work the way I want it to. I just don't have the inspiration for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

Emotions, I guess? I think I'm pretty good at writing how a character feels and how their emotions affect them

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

descriptors. I suck at describing body language and movement

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done a sentence or two, but that's it. I took four years of French in high school, and when someone says "it gets lost in translation," they're definitely right. I used Google Translate for those few sentences, and Google Translate sucks are nuances, so I'm afraid that I wouldn't get my point across properly. If I knew the language better, I'd be all for it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Chicago PD, specifically Upstead ☺

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

DON'T MAKE ME PICK BETWEEN MY BABIES I'm going to say Feel Your Kiss On Me or When I Taste Tequila. Idk I just really like them. I feel like they're really true to the characters, and I love the fluff and humor in them

Tagging @sylvies-chen @headlightsatmidnight @silverskull @fighterkimburgess @justmypartner no pressure 💕

#tag game #ivy tag #the rookie #chenford #chenford fic #lucy chen #tim bradford #chicago pd #upstead #jay halstead #hailey upton #ameliagiovanna writes

[khaleesiofalicante]

I realized Kyle is like 90% of my family OMG. Pls I've heard my uncle say this "times" were horrible because there were a lot of "openly gay people" in his workplace and it would be better that it stayed hidden or in "closed doors" JSJGSJSKSKK

Yeah I used to feel bad about these comments, but idk if it's about growing up or just having people that really accept me incondicionally, but they are just funny and a bit pathetic now, especially when they try to justify it by saying they grew up in a different place. Like, my friends know I'm bi and even if two of them grew up on a super religious space, they've never said anything rude and always accepted me. Yeah, they all make jokes about it (not in a rude way) the same way I make jokes about them being straight.

But boy are the conversations on family funny JSHSJSKKS. I also heard that Disney should stick to being entrainment and not try to push any "agenda" or teach people anything... sir wtf??? And they always call queer people derogatory words and then say they're not slurs, and they can say whatever they want?? Istg I don't fucking care who I end up marrying with, they are NOT invited to the wedding and everyone in my family can me mad about it idc😤

Anyway, the point it that I was reading Kincaid interactions with Kyle and I felt so bad for him and also because Victoria excuses his behavior saying he loves him and just wants what's best for him. And, even if it's true, it doesn't excuse treating your son like that or constantly making remarks about his dating life, basically forcing him to go on a date and making him feel bad on purpose about not being engaged

It's kinda the same situation one of my cousins lives through, bc she's bi and her parents wouldn't accept that. I still don't like her because she fucking sniched on me😤, and told the rest of my family I liked girls and I found out thats why they never ask me if I have a boyfriend like they did with the rest of my cousins and my sister. Because they don't wanna know if I do🙄. Like I expected that from everyone else, BUT HER? BEING BI?? I expected some solidarity, come on!! We talked and bonded over similar queer experiences and then she throws me under the bus??? And everyone in my family apparently knows about me already but they ignore it as if it can go away one day and they never say anything, but still make those stupid comments in front of me on purpose😤

I should get an award for not saying all the things I could because if I said every (amazing) comment or reply I have on the tip of my tongue, I would probably be kicked out lmao.

Okey, my bad. I just get really pissed off at them sometimes. Really will be living my best life when I can decide not to spend more time with them 😍.

Okay but same with my family members and I am ready to fight them all 😤😤😤

The way we talk about homophobia and hate crime from the world and society and most of us mainly have to deal with it from our families (directly or indirectly)

Fuck these people. It's just a very sorry way to live their life.

And yes DO NOT be afraid to walk away from toxic family members (if that is something you can do and want to do).

#lbaf #noah boo thang