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#i woke up and chose angst
knifeforkspooncup · 2 months
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I think the saddest thing about this conversation is they're both saying the exact same thing to one another:
don't leave me
don't end this precious thing between us
say you'll stay with me
how dare you
please don't go where I can't follow
***
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thecoffeelorian · 20 days
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Marvel and Disney prolly shouldn't have let me watch "The Winter Soldier" movie before "The Bad Batch" series got made.
It just opened me up to all sorts of dangerous ideas, like how a person going back for their brainwashed buddy should somehow be the norm rather than the exception.
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telleroftime · 3 months
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Reader coming home to Konoha hurt after a mission makes me giddy.
It's partially the "I didn’t know where else to go" trope where Reader turns up all frightened and trembling and wounded in front of Kakashi's home. It's the middle of the night and Kakashi finally managed to fall asleep yet he's woken up once again by a knock on his door. Be that of his apartment or the Hatake compound. Naturally he doesn't expect the Reader to just be standing there, soaking wet from rain with deep bruises on their skin and and bloodied hands.
The only thing going on through Reader's mind is how they need to be safe. How they need to be helped and yet refusing to go get treated professionally. Whether it's because they don't trust others to see them like that or whether it's the delirium caused by blood loss doesn't matter. Kakashi helps them and treats them and even calls for a medic.
Ahh and imagine if this is Hokage!Kakashi. Imagine if he wrote up the mission and he confirmed Reader to go on it. As if this man didn't have enough guilt on his concious already.
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astrandofgold · 1 month
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The way he looks at her, with admiration burning in his blue eyes, it’s enough to send the world spinning. The way his kohl-lined eyes crinkle as he smiles when she speaks, the briefest touch of a slender hand against his shoulder. The feeling of being unseen in the meeting room with fellow porters, the gnawing, burning nausea when his eyes look over you with indifference. It’s so much. It’s too much.
You stand up, or maybe you were always standing, the ground rushes away from you either way, and you mumble out a quick apology to Fragile, your eyes never leaving the floor, and you rush out of the room. Down a hallway, around the corner, until you collapse on the floor, back against the cold metal wall. It’s too much. It’s all too much.
You wanted so much more, you wanted more than casual quips as you collected your orders, more than the occasional status calls on your cuff link, smoky voice lingering in your mind long after he hung up. You wanted more than the desolate nights in a random safe house while he slept elsewhere-in her bed?-you wanted him to see you. You wanted him to look at you with those blue eyes in a way that he didn’t look at everyone else with.
Maybe it was time to move on, you had heard Bridges was scouting out some of the talent at Fragile Express. Maybe you could start over, move away. The thought was like a cold shard to your core, never seeing him again. But this, this wasn’t sustainable. You didn’t dare think that some day he might suddenly notice you. That was too much to hope for.
You didn’t dare hold your breath with anticipation to see who belonged to the set of footprints echoing down the hall. You knew it would never be his. And yet, you know that pattern, that long stride, steps that were normally relaxed were now striking off the walls, a staccato down the hall. And it was his voice, worried and stricken with fear, calling out your name. It was him.
It was him.
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harukapologist · 4 months
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TW suicide
I had a thought regarding T3 Haruka and Muu. Its not a prediction or anything, dont take it very seriously... im just wondering how Haruka's attempt will go & how it will influence both him and muu
What if Haruka does attempt and ends up unconscious, and is found by Futa or Kazui, accompanied by Muu, and he's lying on the floor in the same position that Rei was in after Muu killed her. And they find out that Muu knew about his plan all along but did nothing to stop him, so they glance at her condescendingly for a moment, and it feels like just that scene at the end of after pain before they scramble to get him to Shidou's care.
Even worse, Haruka is semi-conscious when Shidou tries to treat him, and he tries to resist treatment, insisting that he must protect, he can't fail at being a good boy again! But now reality hits Muu hard, and she feels unimaginable guilt about allowing him to get to this level, feels the guilt of wanting to be in control and using someone all over again. And she loves how dedicated he is to her, but a part of her is also in disbelief that she let something like this happen, and starts hating herself (more) for it, feeling like a heartless killer all over again.
Haruka tries and tries until he is too weak to resist, allowing himself to be treated, and a part of Muu is screaming what the hell are you doing, someone is about to lose his life because of you, why aren't you doing anything? Why aren't you saying anything? But she's frozen, consumed by her inner conflict and increasing self-loathing. Can't defend herself, can't tell anyone to stop, can't show any appreciation. Just trying to distance herself from the situation, it's not her fault, right? It can't be. But it is and she knows.
And now both Haruka and Muu relive their traumas; Haruka feels like he disappointed someone he adored, feels like he was discarded by his one light in this dim prison, and Muu feels like she killed Rei all over again, feels like the whole world is against her again, and wonders if it would've been better if she was the one who ended up dead, again. :'D
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bri-cheeses · 29 days
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Evan’s busy reaching across the bar for a couple of drinks, arm outstretched and easy smile on his face, when Regulus walks up next to him.
“Two butterbeers, please,” Regulus nods to the bartender.
Evan turns his head in surprise, clearly not expecting to have been followed. “I was getting you guys drinks, you know. You didn’t have to get up.”
“Yeah, I know. But I needed a bit of a break from all… that.” Regulus tilts his head towards a booth in the corner, indicating the chaos currently taking place there. He’s just escaped the aftermath of Barty attempting to flirt with Remus just to make Sirius mad, which has not ended well. Just like Barty intended. Honestly, Regulus doesn’t know why he puts up with him.
Regulus opens his mouth to continue, feeling somewhat hesitant. He’s not sure how Evan will react to what he’s about say, but he’s going to try anyways. “And also because I wanted to ask you something in private. Or at least, away from them.”
“Hold on,” Evan replies. The bartender’s just handed him his drinks, and he’s trying to find a way to carry them. “Okay, carry on.”
Regulus doesn’t waste any time. “You’re in love with Barty.”
Evan doesn’t look up from the drinks, not giving Regulus’s accusation even a slight reaction. “That wasn’t much of a question, Reg.”
If Regulus didn’t know better, he’d say Evan was completely unbothered by this whole situation. But he does know better, and Evan’s completely straight face as he fiddles with the glasses is a dead giveaway.
“You’re not going to deny it?” He’s genuinely curious. It’s unlike Evan to not, at the very least, try to avoid answering directly.
“Why would I? It’s the truth, and I know you’re not going to tell him.”
“But you’re not really the type of person to be okay with… sharing this sort of thing.”
Evan looks up now, small smile making its way to his face. “No, I’m usually not. But honestly it’s been going on so long that it’s more trouble than it’s worth to keep it hidden. From you, at least.”
“I—” he pauses, not entirely sure what to do with that. “How long has this been a thing?”
“Oh, about…” Evan squints, as if he can look back in time and pinpoint the exact moment it started. “Five years now?”
“Five years?”
“Don’t sound so surprised, Reg.”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because it’s really not that out of character for me.”
Evan flashes another smile and makes to leave, but Regulus blurts out, “Why haven’t you done anything about it? If it’s been so long?”
Evan glances over at their booth. Regulus follows his gaze, where Barty is now gesturing wildly with his hands in what is probably an attempt to avoid death at Sirius’s hands.
“Because,” Evan says, still looking at Barty, “it would ruin our relationship.”
He sounds so resigned to the fact that Regulus’s heart clenches. He feels like a bad friend. He had no idea, absolutely none, that Evan had been feeling this way for such a long time. “You can’t know that.”
Evan looks back at him, amused expression on his face as he asks, “Can’t I? It’s Barty; even if he did feel the same way—which he doesn’t—he would never be able to let himself commit to a relationship. The fear and discomfort would eat him alive. You know that.”
Regulus does, in fact, know that. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting to fix this, somehow. From wanting to try to get Evan to fight for a chance, at the very least. “But you’re Evan. There used to be be bets about when you guys would finally sort out your shit and start going out.”
Evan blinks, clearly not having known that.
“And it wasn’t because people knew you were in love with him—hell, I didn’t even know that—it was because of the way you both look at and act around each other. And I know that you’re too smart to have not noticed any of that, Evan.”
“Well. Maybe. But that’s also just who he is. He looks at practically everyone like that, acts like that with everyone. So you can stand there and tell me that I’m special, but I’m always going to see that for what it is. A lie, Regulus. And I don’t need you to lie to me. This whole thing is already bad enough already, I don’t need you adding to it, too.”
“But—”
“Don’t, Regulus. Just don’t.”
Regulus changes tactics. “How can you stand it?”
Evan gives a sad smile. “Like you said; I’m Evan. I’m always going to be in love with him, no matter what he does, really. And he’s Barty, so he’s going to do a lot of shit. But that’s just the way things are, I suppose.”
“So you’re just going to let him shatter your heart and stomp all over it?”
Evan smiles bitterly. “He’s been doing that for years, Reg. You’re a bit late to the game.”
Regulus hates this, hates Evan’s defeated tone and tired eyes. “How are you just so calm about this? Don’t you hate it?”
Evan considers that. “I did, for a while. I spent a long, long time hating it. But it only cost me energy I couldn’t afford to lose, and it didn’t change anything in the end.”
And there’s not a lot Regulus can say in response to that, so instead he eyes Evan: the regretful smile, the sad slump of his shoulders, and the way his body is subconsciously turned towards Barty, even now. “Are you… going to be okay?”
“Of course, Reg, why would you even ask?” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “This is just the hand life has dealt me. I’m used to it by now. You might as well get used to it, too. Nothing’s going to change between Barty and me.”
And with that, he shoulders past Regulus, drinks in hand. And Regulus watches him go, unable to unsee how painfully in love Evan is. He watches the way Barty’s entire face lights up when he sees Evan, he watches the soft smile Evan gives Barty in return, and he prays to anyone who’s listening that Evan will turn out to be wrong.
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ying-doodles · 1 month
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hold onto each other like they are the last thing you have left in the world.
:)
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sunlight-forsaken · 2 months
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okokok so I was struck with A Thought —
We all know that Kaeya’s vision appearing saved him that night- but I’d like to add:
What if the initial blast of elemental power from his vision was enough to trigger a freeze reaction on Diluc?
It was heavily raining, after all.
———
Kaeya had expected the reaction- he’d brought his sword for a reason. Still, he does not meet Diluc with even the vigour expected of him if they were sparring. He had expected it, yes, but it did not stop his foolish heart from hoping he’d be wrong for once.
Diluc forces him back with blow after blow, each strike burning hotter and harder as he backs into the field. Blood roars in his ears so loud it’s almost enough to muffle the crackle of flame overlaid upon the torrential rain weighing him down further. Each movement is forced, each parry and block a means to survival-
Kaeya doesn’t know why he’s fighting. Is he really so selfish as to live, after all of this-?
He meets the ground, his limbs twitching to fight but his heart already sure he’d die at the hands of his own brother. It comes with a surge of bile in his gut at the thought, every hope and memory pinned in his head blurring the thoughts with the red his eyes can see.
Red that overtakes his eye as the claymore is brought down in a wild, deadly strike from the hands of a grieving man who had lost his father and who he thought his brother was in one fell swoop.
It’s searing hot upon his skin, and he’s sure he screamed. He’s long since lost track of whatever pleas or reasonings have left his mouth, if any at all, upon seeing the betrayal deep rooted into those crimson eyes. Hellfire crawls upon him, licking upon every wound he already sustained from stray sparks or barely avoided swipes. He’s forced out of his own wallowing, suddenly lightheaded but present, as if the muted sensation of his thoughts had been stripped away and left him defenceless against the burns, allowed the pain to seep deep underneath his skin.
And then, all Kaeya knows is a rush of ice.
The roaring of flame was swallowed back into the thunder and rain of the storm. Deliriously, Kaeya is grateful that his death was not as painful as he thought it’d be- even as he scrambles back like a worm on the dirt, his only ‘clear’ eye struggling to focus in the low light without the aid of the pyro setting the area in angry glow.
His brother stands before him, a perfect snapshot of that moment. Impossibly dark ice has stilled him, incasing his form in a thick layer similar to that of a cast. He almost looks like a statue- a monument, built by those who come after, celebrating the hero who killed the last filthy sinner who walked upon the surface.
Kaeya almost laughs, choking on blood or guilt or bile- it does not matter. For a perfect moment, there is nothing but him, the damned rain, and the years of lies and promises that he wore like a second skin.
There are no words. There’s no conclusion, good or bad.
Kaeya, ever the opportunist, takes it as it is.
Kaeya, ever the coward, runs.
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xanyiaz · 2 months
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porter angst + spoilers for william & vincent confrontation audio bc the porter brainrot never stops
porter who may have lied about some things (like treasure coming to the summit lol) but was telling the absolute truth when he said to vincent: "he sees me as a friend, and you as a child." william who will forever see porter as a "friend" who he can use and ask to do favours and porter who will do them either out of fear and obligation or because william saved him from his maker, so he feels as though he must forever repay him. porter who wanted what vincent always complained about for as long as they've known each other. porter who always wanted to be seen as william's son, because then maybe he wouldn't ask such horrible tasks of him, maybe he would protect and shield him from this part of the business, the messy side, just like he shields his favourite progeny, vincent, who he sees as his child. porter who is having an internal fight with himself because, on one hand, he wants to honour his king since he saved him but on the other, he acts out of obligation and fear rather than honour. porter who already knew how william was this whole time but just dealt with it silently/ignored it because no one else in his life apart from treasure has wanted him around for anything other than to be used. porter who doesn't have a found/chosen family like vincent or sam, so he doesn't have anything to fall back on or anyone to rely on without any strings attached. porter who feels trapped and hopeless. porter who doesn't want to do morally corrupt things, but feels too threatened by william's power to go against him. porter who is alone, and who will continue to feel alone, no matter whose side he chooses.
tag list (lmk if you'd like to be added or removed !!): @zeerohpunk @themeridian @puffin-smoke @vind3miat0r @froggytimemachineinternet @redactedbloop @qhoaaaa @plaqying @ashton-sano @mokozroach @washa @idk-ig-7 @kuteheadrest @rejectedasset @copsecore @definitelynuwonhere
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haerieee · 6 months
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{ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ʰᵃᵗᵉˢ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ʷʰʸ, ᵗᵘʳⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ʰᵃˢ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ⁱⁿ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ˢᵒ ʰᵃʳᵈ ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ }
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y/n stared confused and a little annoyed at her seatmate who refused to take part in their paired project.
"nah, im tired"
"but we have to finish this"
"yea yea just do your part then send it to me, i'll do it at home"
karma rested his head in his arms on the table, facing away from her. seriously what did y/n even do? all she did was become his seatmate by luck and occasionally ask him math questions because he's smart. so why did he have to be so hostile?
"okay.."
he made y/n so uncomfortable. She admits she did have a crush on the redhead but has said nothing and done nothing to him about it, making his coldness much harsher on her.
-
during their pe lessons, karasuma made seatmates partner up to spar with each other.
y/n glanced at karma, and he glanced back before looking away and walking out of the field to skip the class.
"did both of you get into an argument?"
nagisa asked, knowing his friend was not the type to be so cold to someone without a reason. sure karma can be unfriendly and aggressive to people, but it was to those who did or said something bad.
"no he just hates me for breathing"
y/n sighs and rolls her eyes before asking if she could spar with another person.
-
"why would you pull that off?!"
karma is angry, but y/n was confused, was he angry at her for trying to defend their group when they got attacked by students who are much bigger and older than them? or did he have some grand plan and she fucked it up?
"akabane i-"
"what if you got seriously hurt? you wouldn't even stand a chance against those guys!"
he gripped your shoulders tightly.
"then what should i have done? you were getting kicked!"
you smacked his hands away and got up, brushing the dirt off your skirt. you looked over to your elbow which got scrapped when the students shoved you and winced a little at the pain.
"you're really a fucking idiot you know that."
karma held your arm to look at your wound, then poured water to disinfect it. y/n took the bottle out of his hand and stepped back.
"i can do it by myself, after all, you don't want to waste your time with a fucking idiot you hate."
karma was stunned, he knew he was an ass to her these past few weeks but she thought he hated her?
"what are you even saying y/n, since when have i hated you?"
y/n looked at karma incredulously
"don't give me that bullshit, you were so cold to me when i did nothing to you."
he was cold to her he knows, he was trying to avoid her. why? because he felt something with her, something foreign, fuzzy and warm. whenever he was with her his heart would like someone squeezed the life out of it. it was so annoying but he was always addicted, so he avoided her to stop what he was feeling.
karma sighed, "i don't hate you. really. its just,,"
he looks away ashamed of how vulnerable he is now in front of her. he combs his hair back with his hands in frustration and also to hide his red face.
"just?"
y/n hoped for a suitable answer as to why he had shunned her this whole time because it really did hurt her quite a lot.
"i feel something with you, its so weird, i don't like it."
karma says, eyes never looking at the girl in front of him. he couldn't bear to see what expression he had on her face, it would truly kill his heart.
"it's...ah you know what never mind."
he tries to control the damage that's done, he thinks that anymore he says, y/n would never want to see him again. y/n grabs the hem of his black jacket to stop him from avoiding her, something she should have done all along.
"no, karma, what feelings do you have with me. don't try to run away again"
y/n gripped tightly, feeling like if she let go he would be gone for real this time. she calls out his first name for the first time showing how desperate she was.
"i really really like you. alot."
ah. he did it, he admitted his feelings. it's done, whatever relationship they had is gone now.
"what? is that why you acted like that?"
oh my, karma is so fucking cute, y/n thought seeing his face flush even redder
"so annoying, i can't believe i feel so weak when i'm with you. i can't even fight properly. i can't even focus on anything in class."
karma kept trying to hate how he feels, perhaps its because he never knew what it was like to give love since his parents were always either overseas or at work.
"annoying? you are so stupid. you liked me for a month and you found it annoying, i liked you for 6 months you ass!"
y/n smacked his shoulder, then winced at the pain from her wound, making karma grasp her arm to check it. he looks up to her as he processes her words.
"6 months? u like me?"
"yeah 6 months of always looking at you and noticing what you do, i was so happy talking to you and then suddenly you went cold-"
before y/n could finish her rambling, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, engulfing her in an embrace. karma held y/n tight and buried his face into her neck, his heartbeat beating too quickly he felt faint.
"i like you, ahh i like you so much, fuck"
y/n laughs and hugs him as tight, caressing his hair.
"you finally admitted your feelings, idiot."
y/n pulls away and cups his warm cheeks, smushing his face a little which made his lips form a pout. he furrowed his eyebrows at her action. karma leans in and pecks y/n on the lips, and she gasps.
"how dare you be so bold now when you were avoiding me the whole month, tsk"
y/n playfully chided him and he laughed before apologizing and then kissing her again.
-
"oh? i guess both of you are on good terms now?"
kayano nudged your shoulder and you smiled and nodded.
"now you have a chance to get him to like you, y/n!"
y/n looked at karma, who was with nagisa and sugino. and then her phone chimed.
//
karma <3: should we skip class and go on a date? >:)
//
y/n laughed, "i don't think i need to anymore, kayano"
after that, karma and y/n disappeared for the rest of the school day to hang out with each other. ♡
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ᵒᵐᵍ 2 ᶠⁱᶜ ⁱⁿ 2 ᵈᵃʸˢ? ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᵈᵉᵃᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵃ ʸᵉᵃʳ ᴴᴬᴴᴬ ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ⁱˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ, ⁱ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰᵗ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ʷʰᵒ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᵈᵉⁿⁱᵉˢ ʰⁱˢ ᶠᵉᵉˡⁱⁿᵍˢ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ʰᵉ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏˢ ⁱᵗ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ʰⁱᵐ ʷᵉᵃᵏ ᴴᴼᴴᴼ
ˢᵒ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵒᵐᵍ
ᵃⁿʸʷᵃʸˢ ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵃˡˡ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ !
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just-french-me-up · 9 months
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(In)somnia Veritas
Fandom : The Sandman (AO3 link) Pairing : Dreamling (Dream x Hob) Rating : G | 1.8k Tags : Angst & Comfort, Retired Dream, Post Wake Fix-it, Established Relationship Summary : No longer Dream of the Endless, Morpheus spends his first night as a human at Hob's, struggling with his new condition. He can not sleep. He will not sleep. How could he, when wakefulness is all he has ever known?
Hob had expected the craziness of it all to keep him awake. The Kindly Ones. The Fates. Daniel Hall. Dream of the Endless, now, for all intents and purposes. It all whirled in his head as he settled in bed, Dream―Morpheus' form next to him, already still from sleep.
Hob's gaze lingered for a moment. He didn't look changed. Even like this, very much asleep and vulnerable, his lips slightly parted in a shallow, slumbering breath, Morpheus still looked like the powerful being he'd been, mere hours ago. Human. It hardly seemed thinkable. Hob had been around for a while, and never had a human ever looked like that. Yet another rule broken tonight, it seemed.
As his head hit the pillow, Hob could feel the heaviness of the day weighing on him, a crown of lead encasing his head, a migraine he resigned himself to fight all night. Instead, sleep took him the second he closed his eyes, his body melting away, as though engulfed by a wave.
The rest was for Dani―Dream of the Endless to know.
It was still dark when sleep loosened its grip around him. Disoriented, Hob rolled drowsily on the mattress, expecting to meet the cold yet substantial shape of Drea―Morpheus' body, yet only found more sheets.
Confused, he cracked an eye open, his hand instinctively patting the empty space, as though he would find Morpheus hidden between the folds somewhere. Nothing. Hob's heart jolted wildly in his chest, pumping bitter bile in his throat. The Fates changed their minds, panic whispered in his ear instantly. They've taken him back. They could not let him be.
Slapped awake, Hob sprung out of bed, blood thrashing in his ears. I've got to get him back, he kept thinking. I must get him back. He did not know where to start, how to work out any kind of summons or strike any sort of supernatural bargain (those had a tendency to find him, not the other way around), but he would figure it out, he had to, he would even call―
His hand still tense on the doorknob, Hob froze in his tracks.
In complete darkness, Morpheus was sitting on his couch, his thighs pressed against his chest, still wearing the old t-shirt Hob had given him as improvised sleepwear. He barely seemed to notice the interruption. He barely seemed to breathe, for that matter. He simply sat there, statuesque, his eyes burning a hole into the opposite wall.
Relief flooded through Hob at the sight, no matter how eerie it felt. He was there. He hadn't gone anywhere. His hand relaxed around the doorknob, though his heartbeat had trouble adjusting.
"You alright?" he asked quietly, his voice slightly hoarse.
There was no acknowledgment of his presence, or answer. Still as a rock, Morpheus kept staring at the wall, his face blank.
Hob dared a few steps closer.
"Can't sleep?" he tried again, cautious not to startle him as he neared the couch. He considered switching on the lights, but quickly decided against it. It felt like one of those matters that were best discussed under the cover of darkness. The constant London light pollution would have to do.
"It's all so... silent."
Hob stilled, caught off guard by the sound of Morpheus' voice. It was still his, undeniably, every note, every inflection, but it missed... something. An edge. A preternatural depth that rose from the dawn of times, when the first being laid down and dreamt on its first night. A human did not need such speech. Like the rest, it now belonged to Daniel.
Hob approached him, electing to sit at the edge of the couch rather than directly next to Morpheus.
"You think this is silent?"
He had grown used to the constant whir of London life, every new century bringing new sounds to the mix, but there was no ignoring the myriad of dogs barking outside, the drunk students talking much louder than social norms would allow during the day, and the ballet of bin lorries and automated street cleaners. Could Morpheus not hear that?
"How can you bear it?"
Slowly, Morpheus' eyes left the wall to settle on Hob, turning to face him. Even with the lack of proper lighting, Hob could see his eyes clearly. Blue, as the day they first met. And full of apprehension about this world he'd never had to navigate this way, even though his pride would not allow him to put it in such words. This, at least, had been his to keep.
Hob stared at Dream, at a loss for words. If this was silence for him, what hellish racket must have been filling his mind until then? How could he bear it?
"It's all I've ever known," he said, settling for something that felt true, in his core. "I'm sorry. I imagine it must be... jarring."
"It is... unnerving," Morpheus nodded slowly, looking down, as though he would not bear to admit it while looking at Hob in the eyes. "Isolating. Empty. And at the same time..."
"Deafening," Hob supplied helpfully. "I understand."
Of course it felt empty, he thought. When one had spent their entire existence with the collective unconscious at their fingertips, dreams and nightmares echoing into their ears every second of every day, being severed from it must feel like having your head dunked into a bucket of water.
"It is no wonder humans devised all matters of utensils to fill the silence," Morpheus mused faintly. "It kept them from going mad."
Them. Humans. Hob wondered how long it would take Morpheus to see himself as one. Never, perhaps. He struggled to see himself as other than what he was, originally. The only difference between them was that Hob had considerably benefited from the change. For Morpheus, this was hardly a step-up. It was free falling.
There was an urge there, lodged deep into Hob's chest, to reach for Morpheus' hand, to hold him close, to offer him all the reassurance he could provide and then more. But Morpheus was not there yet. This human body ached, Hob knew it. It was new, unused, unacclimated to the world it had been thrown into. It looked every way the body he knew, the one he'd touched, loved, held, once. Not quite, though.
"We could buy you a white noise machine," Hob suggested lightly, pushing down the emotion down his throat. He was here, safe, it was all that mattered, in the end. Hob just needed to be patient.
Morpheus frowned, confused.
"It's a box that makes noise. Some people use it to fall asleep."
There was a huff, and the first hint of a smile on Morpheus' lips since their encounter with the Fates.
"Of course you people fashioned a noise machine."
"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," Hob smiled, purposefully stirring the conversation towards a lighter territory. "Whale songs might be just what you need."
"I doubt it will suffice."
In spite of Hob's best efforts, Morpheus' playfulness was short-lived. His face closed again, returning to its persisting melancholy. Hob leant towards him, inching closer, assessing his lover's reaction, any sign of recoiling.
"What's wrong?"
"I fear I may not be... welcome to the Dreaming."
The admission rolled out of him like a wound, bloody and raw, almost shameful. Hob furrowed his brows.
"You're afraid Daniel may not grant you entry?"
"No, I..."
Morpheus gave out a faint frustrated sigh.
"It is no longer mine to rule. Dream of the Endless endures, outside of me. Perhaps I do not... belong there. My presence could be ill-received."
"Love, I―" Hob bit the inside of his cheek, trying to find the words that would hurt the least. "You will have to sleep at some point. That's... I'm sorry, but that's part of... this."
"I know."
In the darkness, Hob could have sworn he saw a tear trail down Morpheus' cheek, glistening in the light of a nearby street lamp.
"I'm sure Daniel will go easy on you. He's a good kid."
Was a good kid, Hob reminded himself. Daniel was an empty name now. There was no more Daniel Hall. Not really. Dream was what remained.
"It is a terrible fate I have delivered onto him," Morpheus countered weakly. "It would be fair on his part to torment me for it."
"Morpheus."
Unable to help himself, Hob rested his hand atop Morpheus'. His skin was warmer than usual, he noticed. Human. Instead of pulling away, Morpheus leant towards him, almost nuzzling against his shoulder.
"I have never fallen asleep," he confided softly. "Never dreamt. Not once."
It had always felt odd to Hob that Dream of the Endless, King of Dreams and Nightmares, did not sleep. How scary it must be, for someone who had never done it, to surrender yourself to the hand of another, in your most vulnerable state. Scary enough to leave the bed and avoid sleep altogether.
"I could hold you," Hob suggested gently. "Whatever happens in the Dreaming, it can't harm you here, can it?"
"No. Not really."
Not the most reassuring answer. Nor the clearest. Vagueness was a Morpheus trait, then, not a Dream trait. Good to know.
"I would like that. You, holding me."
"Come here, love."
It happened slowly, inch by inch, but Morpheus nestled into Hob's arms, resting his head in the crook of Hob's neck. Hob could feel his breath blowing against his skin, warm, regular, vital. It was odd, but far from unwelcome. More new than anything else.
"How does it happen? Do I merely close my eyes and wait?"
"Essentially. There is a relaxation aspect to it, though."
Clearly something Morpheus had no experience with either, considering how tense he felt against him.
"You could... breathe with me."
"Breathe with you?"
The suggestion sounded ridiculous in Morpheus' mouth, but Hob was not so easily deterred.
"Yeah, just... just humour me."
It was difficult, at first, for Morpheus to follow the rhythm of Hob's breathing. He was going either too fast or too slow, as though breathing did not come naturally to him, which, in fairness, it did not. It was a conscious effort, every time. After a few minutes of off-beat inhales and exhales, they came to a harmony, their chests rising and falling in tandem. Morpheus had only been pretending to sleep earlier, Hob understood. He could see it now, from the way his face truly relaxed, how his body became more pliant in his arms. If he was not fully asleep, he was getting there, at last.
Hob smiled at the sight, pressing his cheek against his lover's forehead. He could feel Morpheus' pulse where he held him, strong, regular, and undeniably human. Yet no less the man he loved, in spite of the changes.
"Sweet dreams, dear heart."
He raised his eyes to the ceiling, knowing full well there was no one to hear, and no one listening, but he could not help but add:
"Let him rest, will you? I don't think he's ever done that in his life. Might as well start this one with something new."
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between-two-fandoms · 11 hours
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One night, after they had long shifts and meet up at Buck's loft, Buck's lying on Tommy's chest. Tommy's arms are wrapped around him and he's pressing tender, firm kisses to Buck's head. Buck feels settled into himself, he's more himself than he's ever been before after discovering his bisexuality. He and Tommy cherish their time together, tender touches and soft kisses. They're talking about everything and nothing, simply existing together. Then Tommy asks, "have you ever had your heart broken?"
Buck, to his surprise, doesn't think of Abby. Or Ali, or any of his other exes. He thinks of Kameron and Conner, of the child he helped bring into the world, how he felt pure happiness when it was born. He's always loved kids, but given his family history he never even considered having his own. He thinks about when he said he's perfect, then the crushing realization that ths child in his arms wasn't his.
Buck closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and can feel sadness crash over him. His breathing turns shaky, and he can feel light tears rolling down his cheeks. He nods against Tommy's shoulder, burying himself into the comfort his boyfriend always provided. "Yeah, once," Buck says, pain seeping into his voice at the memory of the birth he delivered on his couch. He doesn't elaborate. Tommy doesn't ask for details, seeming to realize there's something deeper going on than a relationship breakup. He just holds Buck close, kissing him softly and reassures him with sweet words and gentle praise until Buck falls asleep thinking of a child who hardly knows he exists.
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thecoffeelorian · 8 months
Text
Ok...so if the actress Ivanna Sakhno is 25 years old, and the Ahsoka show takes place in 10 ABY...then it's estimated by me that Shin Hati came along in 15 BBY, aka 4 years after Order 66.
So...imagine having abilities, and having almost no real way to harness them other than a kindly old stranger with a curious weapon.
Just a thought...
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The way you looked at me after I helped you, after we pretended you needed saving and I did everything to let you out of that situation.
The atmosphere we were in when we toasted on behalf of the world, while I thought all the world I needed was you.
The closer we were, like the last time we were together. That desperate attempt to extend something that was impossible.
Why is that the moment I should choose to explain the closeness I wish we were in? I wish in 6000 years we could have created another memory, but it will have to be in that future that I hope we will have
The tranquility we felt during those days of the few years we had being just us. Where we could pretend there was no heaven or hell and it was just you and me.
If I go through our history taking those extracts in the same way a nightingale collects branches to create its nest
I can form the perfect future in which we can be you and me, where finally there is nothing holding us back and we are free to make each of those little details that we have been scattering over thousands of years.
Where our nest exists and I can say that I have loved you so strongly that in the end I was almost unable to pretend that you were not the most important thing in my whole existence
One day
One day we will be able to create the moment where each piece of that nest happens at the same moment
One day I will be able to think of a single instant of time when I want to think of the perfect way to be by your side
One day it won't be necessary to collect the parts, because we will have been able to express everything in a single moment
One day
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spooky-all-year-round · 9 months
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If Things Were Different.
Sebastian x Female!Mc/reader
TW: ANGST, major spoilers for late game in Sebastian's story, swearing, Sebastian being an ass (but he feels bad), hints at death, violence, self hate, self doubt, the reader is pissed, you are MC
Dust and debris everywhere, you were sweating from all the fire spells cast to combat the inferi and from the running to doge spells from Solomon. You were kneeling on the ground, trying to catch your breath. Sebastian was to your left and winding up for a spell at Solomon, the lightning energy around his wand gave away his intentions. You cast a quick depulso on Solomon, and in your panic the spell was strong enough to knock him back and he crumpled to the floor, unconscious. Sebastian's spell hit the wall opposite of him, leaving a large crater in it. A few pebbles actually made it far enough to hit you.
"Sebastian what the hell was that?!" Your voice echoed in the cave. Your blood was boiling. He promised! He said no more! How could you have trusted him after he went back on his word before? You were too angry for tears, pure rage had you trembling as your glare met his.
"Why did you stop me? He attacked us! He was going to turn us in!" The look in his eyes made it seem like he was going to curse you next. His non-wand hand was clenching and unclenching. He didn't understand, how could you have stopped him? He was saving you BOTH. Soloman had to be stopped, there was no other way.
A quick glance at Solomon confirmed he was still breathing. You gripped your wand a bit tighter and looked back at him before answering, "I couldn't let you do that to one of your only family members left! You would've -"
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO!" His voice was so loud it had your ears ringing. He was blinded by anger over Solomon attacking you both, over the hatred of Soloman stopping his efforts to save Anne AGAIN. The end of his wand was crackling with sparks, his overflowing emotions seeping out through it in the form of pure magic.
"Sebastian please, if I hadn't done that you would've been haunted by your actions forever." You were trying to reason with him, but you should've learned there is no reasoning with him when he's angry. Let alone this angry.
"I thought you were just ignorant, running around with goblins and playing the hero! But now I know you're down right FUCKING STUPID! YOU THINK NOTHING CAN HARM YOU! THAT PEOPLE ARE INHERENTLY GOOD! HE WOULD HAVE GLADLY SEEN YOU DEAD, OR WORSE IN AZKABAN! YOU COMPLETELY DAFT WOMAN." His chest was puffed out, teeth bared and eyes wild.
That struck you. Hard. Playing the hero? Did he think you did what you did for some kind of praise? That you weren't a kind person but just some attention seeking girl wanting a bit of fame? He always praised you for how smart you are but now you were stupid for saving a life? Where the hell did he get off thinking that?! Tears full of anger and pain started filling your eyes.
His words seemed to hit him when he saw the tears gather in your eyes, the look of pure hatred on your face made him sick. "Wait-" but before he could finish Anne came hobbling in, she took out the rest of the inferi with one amazing and powerful fire spell before falling to her knees. Sebastian could only stand numbly as he watched you conjure up stretchers for Anne and Solomon. You got them situated before rushing out, floating the two of them alongside you.
He had done it again, and even worse this time. He allowed his anger to overpower his rational thoughts and he hurt you again. He didn't really think that of you, Soloman might have tried to get you sent to Azkaban but he wouldn't kill you. Another hit. He almost killed his Uncle. You stopped him from murder, and in return he insulted and screamed at you. Merlin, what has he done? He had to make it up to you. He had to apologize, but he had done that before, no he needed to really change. He had to do something big that would prove that he was done with dark magic, and that he never wanted to get this close to being a murderer again.
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It had been weeks, you were avoiding him like the plague. You wouldn't even look at him. He didn't know how you would disappear so quickly or where you might be even going to. Ominis wouldn't tell him either, but Sebastian didn't know if that was to help you or out from really not knowing himself.
It seems that you told Ominis and Anne about the fight that broke out with Solomon. But you left out Sebastian's attempt at murder and skipped straight to you sending Solomon hurdling into the wall out of fear. Solomon seems to have forgotten about the whole incident and was told by Anne and Ominis that he was hit by a stray depulso on accident and hit his head on the side of his home causing a bad concussion. Sebastian sent a letter to Anne swearing that he would never delve into the dark arts again and that he would prove it. He just wasn't sure how. But the answer came to him through Ominis, bless him.
"Don't tell me you're reading that book again." The look of anger and disgust on Ominis' face was evident without Sebastian even looking up.
"I've never read this book before mate. What book are you talking about?" He was genuinely confused. He was looking at potion ingredients and writing down ones that might mix well together to cure Anne's different symptoms, he just needed the one thing to tie them together according to Golpalott's third law to making an antidote. Something new, something no one had tried.
"Don't play dumb Sebastian, the book of dark arts you've been obsessing over!" Ominis had walked over and ripped the book out of Sebastian's hands. But a brief pass over the page with his wand had his eyebrows raised. As if he didn't believe it, he closed the book while using his finger to keep track of the page and waved the wand over the front. "This is...just a regular potions book."
"Yes, I told you I was done with that other book. Look!" He swung himself out of bed and walked around to the foot of his bed. He knelt down and opened his truck before digging straight to the bottom before wrestling the damned thing out from it's hiding place. "I've had it at the bottom of my trunk. I haven't touched it since! I don't want to even look at it." It was true, ever since that day he didn't want to even think of that book. But he didn't know what to do with it so he just buried it in the trunk, hoping to find a permanent place later.
"If you don't want it, then why keep it then? Why not just rid the world of that accursed thing and burn it to ashes?" Ominis sneered at him. He was frustrated, he couldn't believe Sebastian didn't want the book. Not after everything. So if it was true, why was it allowed to continue to exist?
Sebastian blinked several times. Why *did* he not just burn it? Why hadn't he even thought of that? He wouldn't have to find a hiding place. He wouldn't have to worry about it being found. No one could ever be tempted by it like he had been. When he told Anne he had given up the dark arts she was so excited he doesn't think she even thought about destroying it. But now he had the perfect plan on how to prove to you and Ominis that he was no longer going to practice the dark arts! But he needed a bit of help, " Ominis, you're brilliant! I need your help!"
Ominis have him an amused look. "With setting something on fire? I'm sure your well practi-"
"Not with setting it on fire you prat! I need you to get her to meet me in the undercroft. All three of us together." The hope that was reignited in Sebastian fizzled a bit at the small frown that graced his friend's lips.
Of course Ominis knew who he was talking about, getting you to even look at him had become Sebastian's new obsession. Anytime Ominis spent more than 5 minutes with you, Sebastian was on him. Asking how you were, if you said anything about him, if you had forgiven him. It drove Ominis crazy. Yes, he wishes you two could be friends again. Yes, he wanted things to return to normal. But he stood firm on not rushing or pressuring you into forgiving Sebastian. You wouldn't even talk about him anymore, not since the night Ominis found you in the Room of Requirements crying your eyes out. It was then you had admitted to Ominis what really happened, and you had begged him to promise to never mention it to Sebastian, for him to please act like everything was normal. He held you for hours as you had talked through everything and continued to hold you until you had calmed down. He agreed to the promise and was true to his word. But that's when Ominis noticed how quiet Sebastian had become. How now it wasn't Sebastian staying up and Ominis finding him after having a nightmare. Instead it seemed like Sebastian was having them too.
"I don't think she would agree to that, and I will not lie to get her to meet you." His frown deepened, as he ruled out that idea before Sebastian could even pose it.
"You don't have to! Just tell her I have something very important to show you both, and that it will be a good thing. That I want to make amends and show you both how sincere I am about giving up the dark arts...please Ominis." Still on one knee, he pleaded with his best friend. His voice had become a whisper on the word please, in an almost heartbreaking way.
Ominis sighed, knowing it was no good arguing; and praying to Merlin that Sebastian was being honest. All he had to do was ask. Hopefully you wouldn't be angry at him for that if he didn't push you. "Fine. I will ask her. But I don't want you bothering me again if she says no." His tone let Sebastian know that his word was final, he would not waver on this choice.
Sebastian jumped to his feet and pulled Ominis into a hug. "Thank you Ominis! I won't let you down!" Sebastian threw the book into his bag and took off to the undercroft. Ominis sighed again. He guessed that means he had better go find you now.
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Sebastian paced back and forth, opening his pocket watch every once in a while. His nerves only worsened as the minutes passed. What if Ominis couldn't convince you? What would he do then? Could he maybe surprise you when you're alone and burn it then? He was sure you'd tell Ominis you saw him do it. Maybe that would work. But he'd rather do it now and be able to express how sorry he was. His thoughts were cut off at the sound of the gates to the undercroft creaked open. His eyes flickered to the book, it was carelessly tossed on the floor a few feet away so when he burned it he wouldn't get burned as well
His eyes went back to the door way leading to the gate and they landed on you. Merlin you were so pretty to him, even with the prominent frown on your face he couldn't help but stare. How could he have been so stupid to have hurt someone who was so beautiful inside and out. How could he betray someone who did so much to help him? Remembering your smile he wondered how did it not pull him out of that book and steal all his attention.
You turned to him and your eyes finally met his. It had been so long he forgot how intense your gaze could be. His heart fluttered in both fear and attraction. You didn't even say anything, you just raised your eyebrows in a way that asked "well? Why am I here?" He gulped, he was ready to get rid of the book. But now he just had to hope this would be enough. He turned his head, raising his wand, and with a quick flick of his wrist and a shout of "confringo" the book was ablaze. It took only a few seconds for it to be fully turned to ash with how strong he cast the spell. Turning to you he gave a lopsided smile.
"I'm done with the dark arts. I've been researching normal ways to create new potions that might help Anne. Ones that haven't been thought of before! Ominis can tell you, he found me reading the book!" His smile faltered as you continued to glare him down. You turned your head to the blonde and leaned gently against him. Ominis nodded mutely. That stung. You both didn't even need to say anything to communicate.
You turned back to him, your lip curling with anger. "Wonderful. But do you really think that solves everything?" He started to apologize but you pressed on, raising your voice over his. "Do you think that changes or makes me feel better about all you put me through? What you put US through?!" You had gestured to Ominis when you used the word "us".
"Wait, please let me apolo-" Sebastian tried again. But you quickly cut him off.
"NO! YOU don't GET to apologize. You said horrible things at me. You did horrible things, even when we begged you to stop. You were horrible to me! To US! I was just a tool for you to get what you want! You were never my friend! I cared so much about you and I care about Anne. But I am a human too! I deserve kindness too!" Your voice raised loud enough to fill the undercroft, tears were streaming down your face.
He felt sick all over again. Of course this wasn't enough, he had done more than just read the book. He had put you two through so much. He just never realized how much it affected you until now. It never really dawned on him how much he asked of you, how little you asked of him. His eyes started to burn with tears as he sank to his knees. That put a dead stop to your rant, your face changed to shock and confusion. Turning his head down he began to beg. "Please. I'm so," his voice cracked, "sorry. I never meant for anyone to be hurt. I-I didn't mean to make you feel this way. I never knew it affected you so much. I just wanted to save Anne. I just wanted to put my life back together. I was horrible to you both because anytime either of you argued against my ideas... All I saw was Solomon telling me that nothing would work and to give up. That wasn't fair to you both. I can't apologize enough, I will spend my whole life trying to make it up to you, and to prove I've changed...even if you don't give me the chance to show you. You two are so important to me and I can't believe I let some book lead me to harm you two in the ways I have."
The silence was deafening. It seemed too quiet after all your yelling. It pressed in on him, but he never raised his head. Even if he could see through all the tears falling from his eyes, he wouldn't be able to look you in the eyes right now.
"I-" you cut yourself off. Should he dare to hope you'd give him a chance? Maybe even forgive him? Now instead of the crushing silence he heard the blood rushing in his ears, his heart pounding like it was going to jump out and present itself to you. His breath hitched, he was praying to anyone, anything that you would give him just one more chance. Anything, anything at all for him to possibly have you back in his life.
"I just don't know right now." Were the words you finally landed on. Merlin help him.
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whatwooshkai · 3 months
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psychic heatwave is such a good headcanon.
like, imagine he sees optimus' death and he can't do anything about it. he's calling and calling but he can't do anything because everyone's on the battlefield and no one is picking up the comm and by the time they do it's too late, and he saw it coming, he saw it happening and was unable to do anything to prevent that.
imagine that
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