#i wasn't even high.

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i really fucking hate how hard i was dissociating in class #and it happened before too when i wasnt on these meds yet #i wasn't even high. #i rly hate having to acknowledge that im like this. over and over again. that this is a reality #. and i hate having to acknowledge that im disabled in public #like im in pain in public. or occasionally limping. or needing to sit down. or looking half dead. or god worst of all being visibility #mentally ill that one makes me wanna dig myself into the dirt and never come out #i hate that im not all there. that i cant be no matter how hard i try. and then im in the middle of fucking class like #who am i? #im so used to it but its still so much to put up with all the goddd damn time and all the time having to pretend that im ok or sane or #remotely funcitoning and not lowkey having a flashback in the middle of fucking class for unknown reasons. while this brain works overtime #to mask it take it to the inner and shove someone else in the front #......... god this is why ive actually kinda enjoyed my self imposed period of solitude #and even so when my parents are sround i still have to do thst almost 24/7 #like i just wanna be insane in peace fjkdd left in my own soup as we say in romanian.... it takes too much effort to mask with strangers #... idk it makes it hard too when i meet people in person sometimes? because the moment the conversation gets past casual its like... #i want to answer your questions. i do not want to lie. but i also dont particularly want to tell the truth... tho i am not fond of telling #half truths either #... this is why over the years ive prefered 2 places to meet people 1)tumblr 2)psych ward lmaoo but fr. its the same vibe #because in a ward people are at their realest. no bullshit. all vulnerability. some of the realest most genuine impactful connections ive #made w ppl have been in wards.... and. tumblr is the one place outside or wards lmao. or my own brain. where im..... where i dont mask #where i dont put an effort to mask #... so when ppl start talking to me on here (even tho im at times bad at replying sorry idk why its so hard for me i need to work on it) #its like. well. you already have likely known for months or years that im fucking insane so 🤷‍♀️ #.......... i didnt used to be this anxious. and to be honest im not quite sure i seem anxious either because i have been told too often i #seem confident? charasmatic? self assured? bitch fucking where i feel like slippery cold noodles inside from anxiety #.... its partially that im not used to being around so many ppl anymore. its partially the more severe trust issues ive developed again as #of late... but at the same time probability my general fedupness thsts been brewing for 12 years with a lotta the culture here isnt helping #either... but... I also think ive just.... ive become incredibly incredibly frustrated with my mental and physical illnesses lately.. very #and their(my) limitations which i hate acknowledging. and all this fucking shame i got too over it. when i accepted it myself i did no care

[duckshuffled]

prepare to be scared <3

#ttcc #toontown corporate clash #corporate clash #high roller #april toons #hiii. i'm late forever this is all i got #IT DIED!!! mac wasn't even there. i'm so sad #april toons was so fun this year i love playing :] my friend high roller #this is technically pride art btw i'm just not waiting that long. it's the aroace flag smile. ok byeee #eyestrain #my art

[sapphoscompanion]

Sorry but confessing to the girl you like by saying

"And I have feelings for you. I have every feeling for you. And my... my biggest fear is that if we tried this, if we actually went for it, that... I might lose the most incredible friendship I have."

And

"I feel like... I feel like I don't deserve to be as happy as you make me. You are the scariest, most beautiful person I've ever met."

And then following it up with

"Should we just, like, I don't know, like, stay friends?"

is the most sapphic thing I've ever witnessed.

#you don't understand 'i feel like i don't deserve to be as happy as you make me' actually changed my life #anyway then they kissed! so it's all ok! #maddox #ashlyn caswell #maddlyn #madlyn #hsmtmts #maddox x ashlyn #high school musical the musical the series #someone needs to make a supercut of all their scenes in s4 #i swear that'll be what? 15 mins? but their impact... ugh #i didnt even watch the series #i watched a supercut of them in s3 to prep for s4 #and my s4 watch consisted of me skipping almost every scene that Ash wasn't in (i have a crush) #and her Hot Eleanor Roosevelt costume??? #with the portrait of a secret lover?? #felt targeted because im such a nerd about Eleonor Roosevelt and Lorena Hickok's love story omg

[uncanny-tranny]

The nice thing about reaching adulthood as a trans person is that there are plenty of instances where, before as a kid, your transness mattered, but now it doesn't necessarily

When I was in high school, I was required to take a P.E. class to graduate, and I was always yelled at for being late and bringing my backpack to class with me because I couldn't change in locker rooms like the other guys. I changed in a faculty restroom and brought my bag with me, my tardiness be damned. It gave me an unhealthy view of fitness because I despised how othered I felt, and I couldn't articulate why I didn't feel safe necessarily. I felt like transness would always be what others saw before they saw me, and I hated that feeling. I don't like being seen as The Trans Person, I just like being seen as me, where being trans is part of me but not the whole.

However, as an adult, I can join a gym and they don't fucking care. I get to retrain how to have a healthy relationship with fitness on my own terms because now, I have the freedom to be left the fuck alone about my transness. I love weightlifting, I love feeling physically fit, and high school was not the place for me as a trans person.

If any young trans person is feeling how I felt about their transness being front-and-center, just, please hold out hope. I know shit's scary, especially for you young people, and I do not blame you for how you feel. Just know that there can be good out there.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #it's been difficult to learn how to like fitness on my own terms but i'm learning #i've been going to the gym just so i can lift again and it feels good #i feel like i've been sleeping on testosterone and muscle gain these past three years. trying not to be salty about it though lmaoo #i think it would be funny to get jacked even though my work does *not* require it #i *do* feel like i lucked out with how accepting my school was don't get me wrong #i feel lucky i wasn't teased or bullied or interrogated by students or faculty. it's just that i had other things on top of that too #i was shocked that despite being in a *very* red town my high school was very chill

[silusvesuius]

drawings of @gutztism's idea 😼 get horsed

#my art #skyrim #elenwen looking perfect even as a pony she;s always slaying My queen #i saw U say that ulfric wud be an alicorn and at first i wasn't sure about it (nords would probably just be pegasi); but then it hit me.... #the greybeards done facked up and gave him a horn #elisif would have the regular smaller pony build while elenwen should be c*lestia/l*na sized maybe #it doesn't matter if she's a pony.. they'll all still look elongated and mutated as altm*r LOL #imo elisif would only have a horn (mer attribute obvi) before becoming high queen but it'd also still be fun - #- for her to be an alicorn pre-reign and just be.... INEPT #at everything #cus nobody is training her to fly or to use magic #she'd 100% be too scared to fly 😢 i want her to try and fall flat on her face - #- and cry about it after like a baby #rikke is the only one supporting her thru that DFVOUOT5I5 #she probably used to fly alongside/with torygg's help but not anymore Thanks a lot ulfric #sorry this is getting too meta #also i forgot elisif's braid wtf

[chitinleg]

"Mister Bashir, what a pleasure it is to finally meet you."

Julian, why in god's name would you invite him to play the villain?

#my art #ds9 #julian bashir #elim garak #star trek deep space nine #garashir #image desc in alt text #pencil #ok so on the outset it may look to some viewers as though julian invited garak to play the villain to get dommed by the scary lizard #this is not the case. not in my heart #in my heart julian felt a burst of something funny when Garak asked him ''what if you'd killed me'' #and he responded ''what makes you think i wasn't trying'' and garaks face blooms into a sudden understanding and respect. ooh. #That's that heady shit. catching garak off guard. ooooh. that's that High Quality Endorphins Happening. but. gotta pack that up for later #(he will not unpack that later) because garak also just threatened to kill 5 of his friends who are STILL IN DANGER. NO TIME FOR THIS. #so after everything. and MONTHS after OMB. he invites garak to something like a playful rematch. sort of. #after all theres only so long that garak can stomach being a sidekick u know? he needs to be able to do his own machinations. #so they make a character for him thats a villain. a little more cerebral than falcon. a little more ambiguous in his motivations. #now there's also. a secret game at play here (there are always games. doctor) and its actually between garak and his own self #you see garak Also wants bashir to defeat his character. he also wants to be shocked. challenged. a little dismantled even (state forbid!) #and because garak wants that for himself? hes going to fight tooth and fucking nail to make sure it doesn't happen. #that Gayle clip from ''COMPANY IS COMING'' but its garak yelling ''WE CAN'T LET THEM KNOW WE [WANT]!!!'' #and its a horrible idea for both of them but. oh so so exciting #you understand. #these rituals arent intricate so much as they are transparent but all encompassing. a fish doesnt know its swimming in water until its out #you understand? you understand. #thank you to anyone who found the time to read these tags i hope you enjoyed yourself and/or found what you were looking for #also garak is dressed so boring bc hes hiding himself u know how it is

[torra-and-the-toons]

Some notes on Nigel from my modern adult AU, where all their adventures were just them playing pretend as kids and now they're grown up.

I always liked the cancer theory for Nigel, so I went with that. (what can I say, I love angst...) He left because the US healthcare system is a joke.

I made this for outfits, but it kinda just evolved into random notes.

#torras art #codename kids next door #knd #modern adult au #nigel uno #a reminder that if this au isn't your cup of tea you don't have to interact with it #idk if or when I'll do the others #everyone's would be different I would not draw everyone in their undies I only did so with Nigel to show how scrawny and sickly he looks #don't worry he's slowly gaining the weight back #I hc that he also just has a high metabolism in general #one of those guys who can just pack away 40billion calories like it's nothing #I looked up so many things on cancer just to make sure I wasn't spewing nonsense that google probably thinks I have cancer now #also he's had cancer since he was like 7... before he even joined the KND #he blamed his hair loss on the DCFDTL and they rolled with it because they just wanted to be included in their pretend game #even if they were the bad guys #his cancer went into remission for a while but started to come back towards the end of the series

[yardsards]

anyone else have this experience?

#eliot posts #i've been told by a few ppl that knew me back then that i was hella bullied in elementary school #i do not remember being bullied at all #i knew i didn't have many friends but chalked that up to me choosing to spend that much time alone #i did not pick up on passive aggressive shit #and wasn't aware of my surroundings enough to realize when ppl were talking abt me behind my back #and i think brushed off direct mean comments as like haha you are such a jokester #i was reminded of this bc i was talking to a friend from high school last night #and she mentioned a time when me and her and another friend went out somewhere #and the employees were being super nice to her and our other friend but extremely rude and condescending to me #she was like ''it's been years and i am still peeved over that'' and i was like ''wait they were mean to me???'' #did not even notice a difference in our treatment #autism #autistic

[blueskittlesart]

cold fruit in a hot kitchen (so i had this great watermelon last weekend)

#so I had this great watermelon last weekend. and the thing is it probably wasn't even that great of a watermelon #but I was four hours into an eight hour shift and we had thrown out all the watermelon salad because no one was eating it #and then our manager ran in and yelled that the client really fucking wanted watermelon salad. #so like six of us servers started frantically chopping watermelon. and the kitchen got really hot #in the way it does when everyone inside it is really stressed because there's no fucking watermelon salad #and after we chopped all the watermelon and the client got their fucking watermelon we all had a moment #where we looked at the remaining watermelon and we were so hot and cocktail hour was almost over anyway and the salads were all plated #and we all went for the watermelon and we ate it with the kind of rabid intensity you only get while eating cold watermelon in a hot kitche #and it was the best watermelon I have ever tasted and several days later i am still chasing the high of that fucking watermelon #and the thing is i know it isn't even the watermelon i'm actually missing #it's the feeling of cool liquid on hot skin and the feeling of a crisis averted and the feeling of camaraderie #that comes with devouring a watermelon in a hot kitchen with six other people who you have nothing in common with except that watermelon. #i don't dream of labor but i am dreaming now of being 4 hours into an eight hour shift eating watermelon in a hot kitchen. #i dream of laughing around the cold fruit in my mouth. I crave that watermelon like i'll die without it. #< honest to god this is real and that watermelon left such an impact on me that i had to draw it and write this. having a normal one #maybe this is insane but working in a team of people you truly like to do something you actually enjoy is so underrated #if only they fucking paid me i could work as a server for the rest of my life. unironically #skribbles

[sp00ky-scary]

yay random 8 month improvement using the same sketch that I will never finish because the sketch itself is fucked

#my art wasn't even that bad 8 months ago I think this was just an off drawing #im hoping you can tell which is 8 months ago and which is 15 minutes ago #digital art #fanart #monster high #great scarrier reef #lagoona blue #mermaid #my art

[someoneimsure]

Can you imagine if Jason actually was in a book club during high school and met a person there who very much remembered him like super fondly? Like he comes back to life thinking no one remembers and then this friend from school randomly recognizes him on the street and greets him like an old friend and tells him exactly where they last met and the books they would talk about and says “Hey, I heard you were kidnapped and everyone thought you were dead. I’m glad you’re doing better” and during their small talk this person suddenly laughs and says “You haven’t changed a bit!” and now suddenly Jason is stalking this person for weeks trying to figure out how to salvage the only friendship he apparently ever had in his entire life and somehow completely forgot about.

#don't tell me he wasn't in high school because yes he was #he died at age 15 and was a studious kid and therefore he was a high school student #like why the fuck do people not think he was in a high school #ideas #my post #Jason Todd #Red hood #Jason Todd x OC #Jason Todd x Reader #people i give you permission to steal this idea for Jason and run with it #i want this shit to happen in canon omg #hell it could even be tim x jason #they're only two years apart and could have been in a book club in middle school together #Jason was robin since he was 12 #it works #jaytim #DC Prompt

[puppyboygf]

it's really funny to talk to ppl who don't get the butch/femme stuff because they'll call u a butch while you're wearing heart shaped earrings and a pink sweater with hearts on it because you have short hair and wear pants. like what

#this is referring to a recent experience but i also got called butch in high school while wearing mascara and lipgloss #like it wasn't even some homophobe weirdo it was someone i was friendly with #(not 2 say butches can't/don't wear makeup i am just very obviously a femme lol)

[thedaughterofkings]

once again a jury winner ... sighs

#honestly that's really annoying #the song wasn't memorable at all to me #happy with croatia and ireland and honestly france too placing so high #really happy with our result #first half baby!!! #but I just really didn't feel Switzerland #and I mean they did get a lot of points from the public #but they did not win the public vote #weren't even top three #and so they won because of the juries again #ugh #lessa says #esc #esc 2024 #eurovision

[tomurakii]

Buddy Dawn was truly such a little guy to me. I felt the same way about him as I did about freshman year Kristen lol like you're just a gay kid from a stifling religious upbringing. You tried to get the Rat Grinders to join your prayer chain huh.

#guys like him irl are obviously annoying but I think also the fact that its brennan deliberately satirising those guys made him charming #he deserved his character development moment #say what you will aboyt Helio but whatever happened with Lucy and Ankarna Buddy was literally completely innocent #bro wasn't even here. hes probably gone to private helioc schools his whole life and this was his first taste of the outside world #he could've been like Kristen. but they KILLED HIMM #d20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #buddy dawn #dimension 20

[uncanny-tranny]

The most infuriating form of sanism is this idea that mentally ill people/people with mental disorders are just too stupid or too unenlightened to know how to be a proper, well-adjusted person

So many therapists have ignored signs of my unwellness simply because they assumed I was just... being stupid, and I just needed educating about why I'm acting disordered (apparently, mental disorders stop disordering you once you are condescendingly told why you're just disordered and dumb, who knew (sarcasm)).

Like, I could tell them that I knew my behaviour wasn't "rational," wasn't "reasonable" to do or believe and I'd still be treated like I was so dumb I needed hand-holding and scolding about why I'm acting disordered.

I truly wish that people would be able to take the idea of guidance and stop twisting it into "I am superior and enlightened and the people I am trying to help are stupid and wrong and beneath me!"

#mental health #mental health advocacy #ableism #ableism tw #sanism #sanism tw #yes therapist i was aware that using 1/3 of a bottle of detergent for a medium-sized load of laundry isn't rational... #...and that it could wreck my clothes and my washer (which is why i brought it up in the first place. because i knew it wasn't right)... #...like that's an example and it's SO infuriating just how high of a horse some professionals (and even laypeople) put themselves on... #...like when you stop viewing patients as PEOPLE who need guidance and start viewing them as essentially helpless idiots you have a problem #and that problem should either be addressed or you should leave the practice utterly if you're a licensed professional #call me crazy but i don't think this attitude is conducive to the PATIENT'S well-being #the PATIENT is the person who matters. the PATIENT is the most important part of this ENTIRE interaction #the instance i was thinking about in this tag rant fucking *destroyed* my trust in that therapist #because it just told me that i wasn't being seen as a *person* but as an *issue* #and regardless of if that was their intention i still don't think it was appropriate #you can have the *best* intentions and still be ignorant and say/do ignorant things. even with the best intentions #having 'good intentions' does not absolve you of harm or absolve you of the capability TO harm #another reason i Do Not Like CBTherapy

[jq37]

Oisin is the scariest rat grinder simply because Brennan is using his own voice for him I trust kippermilly cuttermetal more than him

Listen

Listen

LISTEN

I KNOW that it's that it's an adage on here that Brennan uses his own voice when he's going for a beloved traitor character (see [redacted] from [you know what season]) and I GET that the Bad Kids have a history with dragons and I CLOCKED that KVX turned their logo blue but counterpoint: Adaine deserves a cute nerd boyfriend if she wants one and we deserve to watch Fig and Co tease her as bad as she did when Fig was crushing on Ayda (not to mention whatever batshit insane sisterly advice she'd probably get from Aelwyn).

Anyway, narratively, it would be kinda unbalanced to have Adaine's first viable love interest be straight up evil when everyone else who's wanted one (shoutout to Riz "Why Are All of You Maniacs So Horny" Gukgak) has gotten a properly viable love interest (Tracker, Zelda, Ayda, and Mazey--though Fabian seems more into Ivy who I trust less lol). Not that things are fair IRL (or even in the game) but given Brennan's "I'm here to tell a satisfying story and have fun with my friends" approach to DM-ing, I would be a bit surprised if he was a total lost cause. Even if he is heavily in the mix of whatever shady stuff the Rat Grinders are probably doing I can see him defecting.

But of course I'm biased because I want this for Adaine, haha. We'll see what happens!

#asks #anon #fantasy high #dimension 20 #as I said in my recap my favorite npc is aelwyn #and she murdered a ship full of ppl #so like I can forgive the crime of being a ratgrinder lol #and he TACTFULLY offered her diamonds #he wasn't even a spoiled rich boy about it #oisin please be goodhearted I want to keep liking you #and if you betray adaine I have to put you at the top of my shitlist