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duhragonball · 15 days

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Neon Genesis Evangelion 21

NERV Origins: The Clownshoes Abduction

Okay, so this one is kind of confusing, because it flashes back and forth a lot. Let's go over the present-day stuff first and then we'll cover the scenes from the past.

Admiral Clownshoes gets abducted right under NERV's nose. I gave him a silly name because I couldn't be bothered to look up his actual name, but to be clear, he's the second-in-command of NERV, after Gendo Ikari himself. So it's kind of amazing that he could get kidnapped like this, although it's also kind of stupid, because this guy has done fuck-all since the story started. Gendo's the mastermind of NERV and the Evangelions and everything else that goes on here. Misato and Ritsuko pretty much handle all of the logistics and combat stuff. All the "Vice Commander" ever does is stand beside Gendo and make wry observations to him. I don't get the sense that he has any real purpose in the organization. I named him "Clownshoes" for a reason.

Anyway, NERV Intelligence suspects Kaji Ryoji, who was recently kicked out of NERV for being a double agent working for the Japanese Interior Department. Since Misato is known to be his lover, they hold her in a detention cell just in case she's an accomplice.

Regardless of Kaji's role in the abduction, the ones who wanted Clownshows are SEELE. I was starting to get the impression that SEELE was the name of the committee of grumpy old men who talk to Gendo Ikari whenever things go wrong. But apparently SEELE is another, even more mysterious group of dipshits behind the committee of grumpy old men. They wanted to talk to Clownshoes directly, without Gendo in the room, so they staged this abduction to make it happen.

Near the end of the episode, Kaji shows up to rescue Clownshoes. Clownshoes warns him that he might get killed for this, and Kaji says that he just wants to get closer to the truth. Uh... how does this help, exactly?

Like, I really don't get it. SEELE wanted something from Clownshoes, but we never actually find out what it is. They're mad about Eva Unit 01 absorbing an S2 from that Angel it ate a couple of episodes back. Now they think it's become a god, and they've lost confidence in Gendo. But what's Clownshoes supposed to do about that exactly?

And how is Kaji connected to any of this? I think the idea here is that NERV or SEELE set him up to take the fall for the kidnapping. The fact that he's rescuing Clownshoes seems to suggest that he wasn't the one who kidnapped him, except no, Kaji's been playing one side against the other the whole time. He's totally the kind of character who would kidnap a guy to spite NERV and then free him to spite SEELE. I'm not saying that's how it went down, but this episode doesn't really make it clear to me that he didn't abduct Clownshoes.

Somebody eventually catches up to Kaji near one of those slow-moving ventilation fans, like the one that stymied Goku in Dragon Ball GT. Yes, I'm still mad about that, by the way. He asks some unseen character what took so long, and then there's a gunshot sound and I guess that means he's dead. Well, good. Kaji sucked and I hated him. Rest in piss, you smug womanizing prick.

By now, Misato's been released, and she's pretty sure that means Kaji has already been killed, but then she gets a voicemail from him, and he says his goodbyes. Also he asks her to tend his watermelon garden for him. Man, fuck your watermelons, Kaji. Nobody's got time for that shit.

Misao breaks down and sobs over the dinner table, while Shinji hears her from the bedroom and covers his head with a pillow to drown out the crying. He doesn't know what to say to comfort her, but he does understand what she's going through.

All right, I think that does it for 2015, so let's look at the flashback stuff.

In 1999, Professor Clownshoes is tasked with mentoring a promising young student named Yui Ikari. She looks... familiar. Oh dammit...

Soon after, Clownshoes made the acquaintance of Gendo....... Rokubungi. He and Yui eventually start dating, and the next time Clownshoes meets him is after Second Impact, on a research mission in what's left of Antarctica. There, Gendo informs him that he and Yui have married, and he took her last name.

Eventually, a man named Keel, working for the SEELE organization starts the whole cover story about Second Impact being caused by a meteor strike. Clownshoes knows better, that it was caused by a "Giant Man", Adam, the First Angel. He eventually figures out that Gendo Ikari and SEELE knew Second Impact was going to happen. That's why Gendo left Antarctica right before it happened. He had been working with Misato's dad's research time, and I guess they discovered Adam and Gendo left them to take the fall.

Clownshoes threatened to expose the conspiracy, but Gendo showed him something first: An underground expanse, that "someone else" excavated. I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but this is the space where the NERV base is located in 2015. SEELE and the Ikari's established a research facility here, and I guess that's what convinced Clownshoes to go along with their secrets? I don't get it.

One day in 2004, Yui was working on some sort of experiment, and she brought their son Shinji to work so he could see it. Over there on the left is Ritsuko Akagi's mother. We'll get to her in a moment.

Clownshoes didn't approve of Shinji's presence in the lab, but Yui wanted him to see her experiment, to show him how bright the future would be. Those were literally her last words, as she died shortly after saying them.

So this is where that rumor started about Gendo killing his wife. She died in an accident of some sort, but it's hard not to imagine Gendo being at least partially responsible, since he's the driving force behind everything that went on in this place.

But Gendo was cleared of any wrongdoing, and soon after her death he started working on the Human Instrumentality Project.

However, it's still possible that Gendo had something to do with it. Even if he didn't directly sabotage Yui's work, he might have manipulated Dr. Akagi into doing it for him. That's because Akagi had a thing for him, and when Yui died, she admits to herself that she had hoped it would happen. Not long after, she and Gendo make out in the lab...

And Akagi's daughter, Ritsuko sees them going at it. This is like her first day on the job, and she sees the director porking her mom. Wild.

Not long after, Gendo starts bringing some other kid to work, and he explains that he's decided to care for the daughter of some acquaintance, which is totally the sort of thing a genuine hyu-mon person with real organs would say out loud. He introduces her as Rei Ayanami and... oh fuck we're really doing this. Akagi even notices the resemblance right away, so it's not a coincidence.

One night, Akagi sees Rei wandering around by herself, and Rei calls her an old hag. Akagi warns her that she'll get in trouble with Gendo, and she says he's the one who always calls Akagi a useless old hag. Akagi snaps and murders Rei in a fit of rage. Uh... okay?

When Akagi comes to her senses, she apparently throws herself over the safety railing, dying among the three supercomputers she just finished building. Soon after this, Keel reorganizes this thing into the NERV Agency.

And yeah, I think that's everything.

So if Rei isn't some sort of clone of Shinji's dead mother, this show is working very hard to fool me into thinking so. I mean, the resemblence of Rei to Yui aside, we see Li'l Rei get strangled to death in the past. So how is Rei alive in the present? If she's a clone, it stands to reason Gendo has a few spares.

I don't know the why of it. Maybe he just desperately wants his wife back, so he's waiting for one of the clones to grow up so they can get married. Or he thinks he can resurrect Yui but he needs a Rei to serve as a vessel for her disembodied consciousness. Maybe Yui's mind is trapped inside Eva Unit 00 the way Shinji was stuck in Unit 01 recently. Or maybe Gendo just wanted a loyal follower, and he only used Yui's genes because he had a sample handy.

For my part, the Yui-Rei connection is the only part of this that actually matters to me in this episode. Kaji's death is irrelevant. I'm glad he's dead. All the stuff with Ritsuko and her mom was dumb. Like, aside from killing Rei and then herself, all Dr. Akagi did was talk about the supercomputers she named after the Three Wise Men, and how she modeled them after three aspects of her personality. It's just a callback to Episode 12, with nothing else added.

And the whole story seemed to be centered around Clownshoes, except he never actually said or did anything to justify all this attention. I don't know why he threw in with Gendo in the 2000s, or why he's in such a high position in NERV today, or what SEELE expects him to do, or what he's actually going to do instead. Kaji freed him like it was some bold play to tip the balance of this story, but I can't see how. Well, there's still five episodes to go, so maybe they're building up to that.

Oh, right, one other complaint: I was really hoping to find out about the Second Angel. Remember? Adam's the First Angel, the one who exploded and caused Second Impact. The first time we see an Angel in this show, it's called the Third Angel. So what happened to the Second Angel, who would have appeared somewhere in between? I just assumed a flashback episode would have touched on that. Oh well.

#neon genesis evangelion #2024ngeliveblog #shinji ikari #gendo ikari #clownshoes #misato katsuragi #ritsuko akagi #naoko akagi #kaji ryoji #rei ayanami #yui ikari

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sysboxes · 2 months

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what are some weird food concoctions (example: m&ms on pizza) that yall like? And what’re some weird drink concoctions?

(a cultural thing that is regarded as “weird” by others counts)

and is there a backstory to why you like the food and drink? Like is it a childhood thing, something a loved one liked, something you just randomly discovered, something passed down by generations, etc

mod wonder - for weird drink concoctions, i love mixed drinks, like cranberry and apple juice or a variety of soda mixes. for food, depends on what you’d count as weird. oh except, don’t cancel me for this, i eat damp cheerios. i can’t have liquid milk, or any kind, but hard cheerios are sometimes too dry for me, so i add a little tiny bit of water to make them damp, but not full on wet. i also eat matzah with charoset or butter, which isn’t really weird, but might be to someone who’s not jewish

Mod Luxray 🐈‍⬛️⚡️- OKOK SO FOOD watermelon, Tajin, creole seasoning, and whipped cream[cool whip works best], mush it all up and freeze it, you get a sweet with a slight spice sorbet-icecream ass things its SO GOOD. Drinks have to be Lime Jarritos, brisk ice tea-lemonade, and milk/cream, creates a cream soda type thing, back story for both is my mommas friend growin up would always make these for me while i was in the hospital, which was alot, so its become something of a comfort food

Mod Avon 📖 - Lmao I just talked about wildcard sodas! Love that. But for me, I don’t tend to go too wild on concoctions (the autism texture thing goes hard for me). People get upset with me over gummy bears in blended custards though. Like those blended custards at Rita’s? Love gummy bears in those. It reminds me of the good memories I still have of my family.

Mod Jester 🖍 - Not really sure if it’s weird but we love mac and cheese and peas so much. We first thought it was weird when our mom introduced it to us but we tried and loved it. The texture is mainly why we keep going back to it.

Mod Weeping ❤️ - Mac and cheese and peas, mac and cheese and plain lays or salt and vi what lays in between bread (Mac and cheese chip sandwhich 😎), mayo on peas-, spaghetti and peas, and chicken sandwhich with mac and cheese (preferably baked mac and cheese tho?). Mac and cheese and peas was a childhood thing, the Mac and cheese and chip sandwhich was something my brother and I made up, the mayo on peas is something my hip moms family taught me and they called it “cowboy peas” and said it was a southern USA thing but I have never met another person who did this so they may have been lying lmfao, spaghetti and peas was something an upstairs neighbor did and we had to eat it or not eat basically-, the mac and cheese chicken sandwhich was bc of that Chick-fil-A TikTok hack that went around for a bit. Also, and this is a PICA thing that we just never stopped doing, those fucking paper lollipop sticks bro- also some middle eastern foods and thing that ppl generally dont like in the USA unless they’re from there? Various things we ate bc we had PICA as a kid but I don’t count those. And then drinks idk. (Fuck that was so long sorry-). Oh wait- also something a little in our Sys likes- is these wack ass snack concoctions she makes of really spicy chips plus sweet cereal (like O’s) plus something more “plain” like pretzel balls she picks the salt off of

mod plush 🌻 — unfortunately i’m a very average food concoctor. fries and milkshakes, ketchup in mac and cheese (bonus if it’s cheeseburger mac), etc. if you asked me what foods i didn’t like, well, we could be here for hours…

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claraisanastronaut · 2 months

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₊ * ⋆｡⊹🐚𓇼☾☼🦪₊ * ⋆｡

"Sunny days."

Warnings: None, just a little spicy hint at the end. Context: What it would be like if the reader and Soap went to the beach.

John “Soap” MacTavish on the beach

•He simply loves everything related to water. Although sometimes he is a little difficult to take a shower, but once he gets in, he doesn't want to get out.

•Soap is definitely the type who likes to try fruit cocktails and the most diverse drinks available at the drink stands on the beaches, he likes the more colorful ones. Honestly, I don't even know how he has the stomach to handle so much. He probably really likes fruits he hasn't tried yet, always looking for something new. He's not that big a fan of alcohol, but he's willing to drink it.

•He definitely likes to mix sweet things with savory things, you'll have to get used to the strange things he likes to eat.

•Yes, this guy loves inflatable boats and he would definitely pay to ride one of those with you. That is if he didn't take one that he bought online, imagine the scene: You and Soap going to the beach in your car, a bumpy road and as always Soap going at a rather fast speed. And the two of you sing Gwen Stefani's Bubble Pop Electric, each completing the other's lines.

•Soap is usually the one who sings the most on car trips, he simply doesn't stay silent, unless he's very concentrated.

•Soap, as always, chewing gum. He always carries a watermelon or tutti-frutti flavored one in his pants pocket. And how annoying the noise he makes is, because he insists on chewing with his front tooth sometimes just to annoy you and asks if you want some with a smile on his face.

• The car shook whenever he chose between going straight through or avoiding a hole. The road was really rough, but what wouldn't you do for a nice day at the beach?

“Babe, slow down. The boat is almost falling from the ceiling.”

You warned when you saw in the rearview that the ropes that Soap tied to the top of the car were coming loose from the boat amidst all the commotion.

“We always do this, lass! Of course the boat isn’t goin to fa-“

The boat instantly detached itself from the roof of the car, the ropes came loose and the boat flew away from the car until it was stuck in a sharp rock.

“It seems that the boat wasn’t ver’ resistant, ...”

Soap crosses his arms and smiles at you with a smirk. As if the boat crash hadn't been his fault.

“What were you saying, John?”

You called him by his name and he already knew he was screwed.

•Soap would most likely rent you a swan-shaped pedal boat and pedal for hours if he could, but you also had to rest. This man is a machine on both the pedal boat and the boat. His muscular arms help a lot in steering the boat and his leg movements alone support the entire pedal boat. It's obvious that he has the spirit of a restless child, he was a naughty child.

•Soap probably drowned the first time he went to the beach. And yes, he was the kind of kid who ate beach sand and drank sea water. He was chaotic.

•He definitely likes to build sandcastles, and he's good at it from practicing so much. He places the flag at the top and also makes a bridge to the castle. You sit in the reclining beach chair, under the umbrella while Soap builds a sandcastle, roasting in the sun.

•And if you had a child, he would definitely help the little one build his sandcastle too, fetching sea water in the bucket. It's very funny to see a very muscular, high-ranking soldier fetching sea water in a frog bucket that he bought for your son. You took a Polaroid photo of that moment and put it on the photo board you have at home.

•Yes, he would jump waves with his son. And maybe he would slip and drag the child together unintentionally.

•He collects shells near the sea.

The indigo blue sky, the dense white clouds on the horizon. The sun was perfectly warm, you helped Soap apply sunscreen and left him alone for a few minutes to read a book while listening to the sound of the waves. After these minutes, he returned with his hand closed, holding something.

“I brought some gifts, lass. They suit ye.”

You open your hands to receive whatever he was carrying and he dumps several shells into your hands. Shells of different colors and shapes are the most beautiful he could have found.

“Thank you, Soap. They are beautiful."

You smile at Soap.

"Do ye want to know somethin’, lass? If I drown in yer beauty, do I have the right to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"

Soap smiles widely as he says the tenth pick-up line of the day. Yes, you have a relationship. But that never meant he would stop flirting with you.

In a normal, very constant act of living with Soap. You put your finger on your temple and laugh at the stupid thing he just said to you.

•At the end of the day, when Soap's battery is finally running low, he drags you so you can watch the sunset together with his arm around your waist. Soap has always been a sea boy, just like a water-loving golden retriever. Soap suddenly picks up a stick near where you were, you have no idea how he found it. Suddenly, he sits down next to you again, the sand slowly melting away. He starts drawing with the stick, it seems to be just a few scribbles, but soon you see 2 stick figures in the sand: one looking like a cockatiel and the other very cute, with features very similar to... You.

"It’s ye and me, lass."

He smiles at you with those puppy eyes you love so much. You know that you are deeply in love with John "Soap" MacTavish and that he is the man you want.

Suddenly, a wave comes and erases the drawing, Soap observes everything and sighs looking at the dark stain in the sand.

“Seall ciod a rinn an tonn, tha e coltach gun do sgrios e ar gaol, lass.” (Look what the wave has done, it seems to have destroye' our love, lass.)

You laugh, but kiss him on the cheek.

•You go home again after a long day at the beach. You take a relaxing bath together, Soap threw cold water on your face, but it was the best because of the heat, although it got even hotter after that. It seems like it's a very constant game in the bath. Then, Soap ordered pizza for you, half chocolate and half pepperoni pizza with a few more additions. It was a completely incredible day. And what a night!

₊ * ⋆｡⊹🐚𓇼☾☼🦪₊ * ⋆｡

Kisses, I'll leave the rest to you to imagine. This is my first headcanon, I hope you liked it.🤍

#call of duty #john soap mactavish #soap x reader

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aching-tummies · 1 year

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"I think I ate too much..."

"Let me rub it, it'll help" proceeds to NOT help at all, being a little too rough on the tummy

Thank you so, so, so much for this! This one in particular has been a little gem that I've been revisiting since it showed up in my inbox. I'm a total sucker for sadistic tummy-kink and have been saving this one, wanting to do it justice before posting it.

I know I kind of left it on a cliffhanger. Honestly, I couldn't decide what to do at the point I cut it off here ^^ Either option sounded amazing. So...yeah...I'm going to leave an open invitation to send in a continuation response to this one if anyone wants to take me up on that ^^

I shift my bag on my shoulder, bringing the little messenger bag in front of me. We've got some time, this intersection is notorious for being ridiculously timed. I tug on my bag-strap, ensuring that my bag is in a good position, shielding my left hand from view. I've had it pressed to my stomach since we left the restaurant. My stomach churns painfully as the pedestrian light changes and we cross in a hurry. It's timed poorly, so we always have to sprint in order to make it to the other end or risk the embarrassment of being stranded on the little concrete island or whatever in the middle of all the lanes of traffic. The sudden jog is agony on my tummy, packed as full as it is. I feel like I'm lugging an unsecured watermelon strapped to my front. My stomach is jam-packed and bumping awkwardly (and painfully) around inside of my torso. I press my left hand harder against my stomach, desperately trying to quell the over-full ache without breaking pace. Nausea joins the party and I feel something hot and sour lapping it's way up my esophagus. As we reach the other sidewalk, I fight to keep my breathing under control and I bite my tongue harshly to prevent a moan from being audible. With that short sprint, my stomach went from "slightly uncomfortable" to "DAMN THIS HURTS!".

We make it across and go back to a walking pace--our goal being the bus stop on this block. Thank heaven for that--I don't think I could manage another intersection-sprint. My stomach aches so much right now that a sharp jab or another jostling may be enough to burst it or at least make me vomit. I'm so, so, so frickin' full that it hurts.

As we near the stop, I use my phone and look up the up-coming bus times.

"Ugh…next one's in forty." I call out to you as I settle on the rigid bench, dragging my bag onto my lap to hide my aching belly.

"Forty? Wanna duck into a shop?" You suggest. I quickly shake my head. Entering a shop means more walking and I don't want to be on my feet or moving with my stomach so full and achy.

"Nah. I'll wait here. You can go if you want to though."

I'm hoping you'll go and that I can tend to my stomach out of your view. We both have a thing for tummies in distress and we've shared that with each other. When we plan it, I'm totally on-board for a private tummy-kink session at home. I'm not so on-board with it all when it's in public or in front of company. I also know from experience that you're 100% the sadistic lover of my dreams. Your goal is always to push my stomach--literally--and get rough with it. We both love the sounds it makes when we get rough with it. The whiny grumbles and high-pitched whines as it is forcefully churned and prodded at. We're at a bus stop right now and I feel ridiculously full. Like…full to the point that I'm honestly terrified that I won't be able to hold it all down. I've got a small stomach capacity and I rarely ever indulge to the point of fullness, so my stomach is struggling under the weight of all that we put into it just now. We went to a noodle place in the area that's known for their large portions. It definitely lived up to it's name, with the bowl of noodles I got being about 2.5 times what I'd normally consume in a single sitting. The soup-base was delicious too so I definitely drank the broth…and am currently regretting it. My stomach was already packed-full with the sheer amount of noodles, veggies, and meat in the bowl. Chasing it all down with roughly a litre of hot broth filled my stomach beyond capacity, resulting in a very uncomfortable stretch. If there were any empty pockets in there, it all got flooded with the sheer volume of broth near the end of the meal. Based on what I felt inside of me while making that mad dash across the intersection, there really isn't any room inside of my stomach. The mass of noodles didn't tumble around inside the broth so much as jiggle and jostle like a sludgy mass inside of my over-burdened stomach.

I'm not used to eating so much in a single sitting and my stomach is at a loss for how to handle such a large glut of food. Digestion isn't happening normally and it feels like my stomach forgot how to release it's contents into my intestines. Or, who knows, maybe my intestines are just as stuffed as my aching stomach is.

To my surprise (and dread), you plop down on the bench right next to me.

"A-Aren't you gonna duck into a shop?" I ask.

"Hmm? Nah. I'll wait. Plus, there's something far more interesting here." If I could focus on anything other than how sickeningly full my tummy is, I'd have seen your sly grin. "Hmm…what do we have here?" You ask slyly, nudging my bag aside and poking at my left arm--currently pressed against my stomach.

"Ah…uhm…" I was really hoping it'd escape your notice. A wet burble crescendos, audible between the two of us. I swallow back against the warm liquid fighting its way up my esophagus. I fail to bite back a moan as my stomach cramps harshly, a wave of pure pain coursing through my stomach like a wave crashing onto the shore. I close my eyes, my moan tapering off into a whimper as I abandon being discreet and rub my stomach frantically with both of my hands. "Nnngh…i-it hurts…" I mumble, tears prickling my lashes as the pain in my stomach intensifies. "I think…ooooh….I-I think I--ah!--nnngh…t-too much…nnnnnnnngh…" I squeeze my stomach with both of my hands, regretting the action instantly as I feel something breech into my esophagus against the pressure. My stomach burbles angrily as the swallowed contents tumble back into the cramped space.

"Hmm? Come again?" You play coy, your fingers dancing along my arm.

"Nnngh…a-ate…t-too much…h-hurts…" I choke out. The wave of pain begins to ebb, but I know there will be another. I let out a breath and release my grip around my stomach, rubbing it gently with both of my thumbs.

"Awww…here, let me rub it. It'll help." You don't even wait for permission. Your hands join mine on my bloated stomach. Despite being so painfully distended, it really doesn't show all that much. I'm somewhere between 'skinny' and 'chubby' on the appearances scale, with my body's fat-distribution being pretty spread out so I'm not noticeably chunky in one area or another. Because of that, even though I feel ready to burst, you wouldn't be able to tell if your palm wasn't directly on my jam-packed belly. My abdomen has no give to it. It's firm under our palms, having about as much give as a recently-inflated bicycle tire. There's the usual fleshy give that stems from the fact that it's flesh and internal organs we're pressing into…but my stomach is so packed solid that you'd really have to commit to it to depress it in any way. My little groans and grunts every time you you, as well as the wet hiccup when you pushed right over my stomach-organ are proof enough that pushing into my tummy is a really, really bad idea right now. Not like that's going to stop you.

I slap at your hands, glaring at you.

"N-Not in public…nngh…p-please?" My eyes glisten with tears at the thought of being forced to puke in public. The bus stop has a trash bin, but we're in a commercial area. If the stop were in a more secluded area with some trees or shrubs around for cover…maybe…b-but we're in a commercial area and there are people and cars with people in them all around us.

#tummy kink #stuffed tummy #tummy ache

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bugbyte · 5 months

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Today was good! I’m a little overwhelmed!

3:30 am posting because I’m feeling slightly wound thanks to today being a whole day, but it wasn’t a bad day?

Short version: bunch of appointments, thankfully all online, but after last week being stress central this was tolerable. I got my MMJ eval and it was quick and easy and if anything I over prepared because I’m so used to not being believed and having to back myself up with data. (Which I have to gather and keep for myself because medicine is apparently just a free for all where no one communicates with each other through the online app they have specifically so they can all access data about me from each other! Neat!)

Anyway that was a major relief and I was ready to cry because they said that this should work really well with the conditions and symptoms I have. I’ll probably write something up on the process later (because I would’ve liked a plain English walkthrough of what to expect but that’s ok) but I got my card from the state, which is all digital now, so welcome to the future, I guess.

We headed out to a pretty well reviewed and priced medical dispensary in the area and had a long info session on what would work best for me and landed on some low dose (for now) capsules and gummies. Then we got fried chicken because I’d had enough for one day and went home to see if it would work.

I took a capsule, ate my chicken, and waited. They did advise taking it with a fatty food (could’ve been peanut butter or avocado or anything really; we just got chicken for its uh, health…improving….properties….yeah that sounds right) It took like a solid hour and change to notice anything, and the effects were pretty minor.

I kept trying to explain what was happening to Delade but it was a very subtle thing and hard to get across. Basically the calmest I’ve felt in ages (bonus) and like a slight tiredness, like when you’re tired at the end of the day but not exhausted or like drugged tired if you take something to get to sleep and it hits hard. Just a nice soft calm feeling.

I got brave and tried adding in an extra half a gummy (watermelon flavor!) and that hit much more quickly and mostly just added to the soft feeling. Trying to put it in better words, it was like the different between laying directly on the hard floor, or laying on a puffy blanket on the floor. You can still feel the floor, but it’s much more comfortable than otherwise. I didn’t really feel particularly loopy other than finding a few things funnier than they probably actually were. I think I would compare it in drowsiness more to like…if you’ve been given an opioid after surgery or dental work or something, it’s kind of more like that than feeling just knocked right out. I always felt like these kinds of things gave me a sort of “cozy,” safe feeling while still being conscious enough to do some light things, and this was similar. Everybody’s different though so I might be a weirdo.

So yeah, it does work! I wasn’t expecting like a 100% change in pain levels, and this will definitely take some fine tuning to get right, but there was a difference for sure. I had the makings of a nasty headache after being stressed out all afternoon, which didn’t seem affected much by anything I took so that’s interesting. If I hadn’t had the headache I probably would have attempted some comic work but staring directly into a screen felt like a bad idea. In any case the sharp edges of the pain in the rest of my body got filed way down and I’m pretty amazed overall.

I know this can work now! So I can try again tomorrow! Hopefully with less stress headache so I can get a better gauge on how it actually feels! And hopefully try to draw.

So now I just have to figure out how not to feel weird about this talking to various doctors. Some recommended it, some I can imagine being less positive, but I think the anxiety about being judged is mostly in my head.

Anyway! It was a good experience overall, both the process for getting the card and actually trying the drug itself. If it’s something you’ve been looking into and have questions I can try and answer based on my (admittedly brief) experience so far. I only know how things work in NY, but being pretty anxious I get how it can feel more enormous to figure out when you don’t know the whole scope of a thing or what it’s like to actually do.

This entire thing makes me cackle btw because in fifth grade I won some DARE essay contest in school and I think got some kind of gift card I spent on art supplies, and a hat with the DARE lion mascot thing on it, which I think I still have and should probably start wearing for maximum dumbassery.

#blog #healthposting #chronic pain #medical marijuana #mmj #pain management #pain relief

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sensibledecay · 11 months

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there is a cherry airhead on the coffee table. yesterday, there were a few more, all different flavors, and i shook my head quickly when offered one. there is a watermelon ring pop in the candy bowl by the tv that everyone refuses to eat, because we all got one, and i haven’t eaten mine. there is a bag of orange hard candies by the couch because when i want something sweet, they fill my mouth and take minutes to eat and have safe numbers. there is an empty container of german chocolate cake on the coffee table. it wasn’t mine, but i ate the whole slice once everyone went to bed, estimating its calories in my marijuana-hazed mind because the label didn’t specify.

there is a half-empty mcdonald’s chocolate shake in the fridge that i’ve taken small sips from over a couple of days. it feels wrong to finish it. my roommate knows i won’t drink anything other than water unless it’s “free”, so he brings me a diet mountain dew that almost tastes like the real thing. when my mom asked if i’m still counting calories, i told her a half-truth: i’m no longer actively counting calories, but i already know the amounts of a lot of things i eat. this is kind of true, but every time i forget or eat something i haven’t had before, i google it and add it to the ever-growing database of foods and their prices in my head. my shoulders are bony and my mother’s pants from the heroin-chic era need a belt to stay up, but this isn’t enough. i feel like i can finally wear anything, walking around in big platform shoes and backless tops and the lowest rise jeans i can find.

because, this time last year, i was fifteen pounds heavier, hiding my body in high rise pants and oversized sweaters and peasant-style dresses with sleeves that covered my upper arms. now, i wear my body like a badge of honor. but i don’t have any good snacks in the cabinet. i google the calories of a wine cocktail my friend offers. i’m trying to prefer alcohol to weed because at least alcohol makes my stomach feel full, not neverending. i finally feel beautiful, after a really long time spent hating every inch of myself, but this ecstasy is laced with fear. what if i slip up? what if i eat too much? what if i let my guard down? last time, i didn’t even notice. last time, i didn’t change anything. and, all of a sudden, i felt unrecognizable. i’m scared of losing this version of myself. this body feels authentic. yes, it means i deny myself the simplest pleasures every day, but at least i’m happy with the reflection staring back at me. my boobs finally don’t make me feel frumpy, my thighs finally don’t threaten to rip size 2 pants.

i’m happy, right? but i won’t eat the airhead on the coffee table, and the empty container of cake will stare at me for the rest of the day, taunting the fact that i ate too much last night. at some point, 1200 calories became my number. and i finally lost the weight. it had nothing to do with being dumped by my partner of two and a half years, of course. nothing to do with a sexuality crisis. nothing to do with falling in love with my roommate and best friend. nothing to do with finally taking my lexapro consistently. nothing to do with going home for six weeks and being sober the entire time. nothing to do with coming back to campus, broke and alone, foraging for scraps from my cabinets until the dining halls reopened. no, this weight loss was just a consequence of finally doing my eating disorder right.

i’m not skipping meals, mom! look at me go! i say as i eat my dinner at 7:30 pm and wait until 3:30 pm the next day for “lunch”. i watch my boyfriend down twenty chicken wings drenched in ranch and follow it up with a slice of pizza, barely flinching when one of his pairs of pants is a little tight. “huh, i need to get some new pants.” meanwhile, every item of clothing that used to feel impossible, zip stopping halfway up, not even buttoning at my mid-thigh, is fitting like a glove these days. and i think i’m happy. but i envy his bowl of cereal in the morning. i envy his cake at the dining hall. i envy the people around me, the men around me, who eat what and when they want, who follow their hunger like gospel, and who make my timid calculations look vain and silly. they don’t get it, they can’t. sure, it’s just an airhead. but an airhead means i’ve stopped looking over my shoulder. that fifteen-pound monster is standing right behind me, waiting for me to drop my guard. but every time i look back, it hides just out of sight.

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krissysfertilityjourney · 2 years

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My Journey Thus Far

I've created this to document my journey thus far to fertility. So far it's been a very long journey. I hope to somehow inspire or encourage someone else whose in the same boat. Or at the end of the day, maybe show there's some kind of light at the tunnel and that you aren't in it alone.

Last May, May of 2021, I started feeling really tired. I felt like part of the problem was my weight. I went and saw my Primary Care who referred me to a integrative doctor. Before I saw the integrative doctor, I had a spell that lasted about a month of vertigo.

I saw my integrative doctor after all of that and they drew blood work.

Turns out my Pregnenolone was really low. It was 36 in May of 2021 and they wanted it to be between 160 and 180. My B 12 was low. My C-reactive Protein was High. My Vitamin D was low etc.

I also found out, I'm extremely sensitive to brewer's yeast and baker's yeast. I'm slightly sensitive to barley, bran, gluten, malt, oats, rye, wheat, asparagus, broccoli, cabbage, carrot, cauliflower, garlic, kale, kelp, lettuce, mushroom, potato, sweet potato, casein, cottage cheese, egg whites, cows milk, mozzarella cheese, whey, cantaloupe, coconut, watermelon, canola, cashew, chia seed, cola, pistachio, sesame, walnut, cinnamon, oregano, and tarragon.

These are several sensitivities that are VERY hard to keep up with in today's world.

I went on several supplements in August 2021 to try and level everything out. Almost immediately I started feeling some relief. I wasn't getting as dizzy as I had previously. My body was starting to clean out the gut.

In November 2021, I went back, my Pregnenolone had dropped to 33. My B12 was normal. My C-reactive protein was still high. My Vitamin D leveled out. We tried to add me on Tumeric and Magnesium. My body refused these and I started acting crazy. We went back to the basics, just trying to treat the problem.

In March 2022, my Pregnenolone dropped to 13! Now we've increased Pregnenolone to 2 pills a day, taking DHEA 3x a week, taking L-Theanine at night and continuing all the other supplements. My C-Reactive protein improved though! I also found out i'm not diabetic! My A1C was normal.

At the beginning of June, I got an ear infection so my integrative appointment got pushed back to August. :(

In the mean time, hubby and I have started talking about we would like to start a family. We've been living life for the past 1 and 1/2 years as single individuals and if it happens, it happens. However, we want to make sure it can happen when it's time. Several supplements however, I cannot be on if I do end up pregnant. I saw an OB and they advised it. So I've got to discuss with my integrative. The downside, a few if I'm not on, I can't focus and i feel weak and dizzy all over again.

I saw OB on Thursday, June 16th. We talked about what all we would need to do in order to do a pre-pregnancy work up. On June 20th, was the 21st day of my cycle, I went back in for blood work. I did ovulate during the month. My thyroid was normal. However my Prolactin was 36 and it needs to be lower. The OB advised we would run blood work the following month and see if anything changed. However, they want to see the semen results from my husband to see if anything is wrong on his end, before we decide what to do next.

In the mean time, I've researched everything that can cause your prolactin to be high. One of these is STRESS. What's worse is before then I said it wouldn't be horrible if I had to quit my job to get pregnant (I've NEVER been at this point in my life; like NEVER).

I've also seen where to balance your hormones naturally, you can eat flax and pumpkin seeds during the first day of your cycle and sunflower seeds the latter part of your cycle (So guess what i'm currently trying to do?) I'm on day 3 of my cycle this time around and i've ate pumpkin seeds on day 1,2, and 3.

I've also seen where another way to lower your prolactin is to remove beer and barley (Remember where I mentioned my sensitivies?) So here we are taking a cleanse more trying to get all the barley out of my system. Paying attention to what i'm putting in my body! I realized the prenatal's I've been taking to prepare my body has GLUTEN in it. So i've switched!

Root veggies are also supposed to help lower your prolactin. However there's not many I can eat. Radishes and onions are about the only one's I can eat. Remember sensitive to potatoes and carrots. (Potatoes popped up on an exam I had when I was 18 and then they had me move them back in - my body does not tolerate Potatoes) So we are definitely putting more onions in things.

Dark Leafy Greens is another thing that is supposed to help lower my prolactin (the first couple times I tried to eat lettuce I could tell it bothered me - it also more than likely was a culprit of the enlarged spleen I had in 2020 - so I'm good not to eat lettuce.) However, you're supposed to try and incorporate 2 cups a day (which is expensive) so I'm trying to eat brussell sprouts (which suprisingly i'm not sensitive to) at least 1-2 times a week. They are kind of expensive to try and eat 2 cups a day. :(

This is my journey so far. This is where i'm at. Any prayers or positive vibes you can send our way are greatly appreciated.

I will try and update as we move along this journey.

#myjourney #fertility #health #lifestyle #food sensitivities

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goubaorou · 2 years

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#entry 13: a peek at little winter's day.

the transition between seasons is a rather interesting time, don't you think? i looked out the window to see the sky and felt drowsy all of a sudden. it's the kind of weather that makes you want to do nothing but relax and stay still. how relaxing it is to turn on the fan and lie down as the breeze caresses me as i slowly drift off to sleep... even just writing about it made me smile.

the sound of my mother's cooking and the fragrant aroma of the warm meal jolted me awake from my sleep. as i was gathering the remnants of my consciousness, i could hear the faint sound of the television, but my body moved willingly as my mother called me to eat.

the sun set late, but i was stuffed thanks to mom's hearty meal. but before night came, a cool breeze blowed through and made me feel refreshed. i didn't want to waste this time alone, so i called my friends and invited them to join me on inline skates or bikes. since it was summer, maybe we should get some ice cream too!

but when the sky darkens, my mother will call me out from the veranda, shouting my full name. i used to tell her i'd be home in five minutes but in reality, i just said that to drag out my time because i didn't want to part with my friends or stopped playing. heh. of course, once i went up, i got an earful from my mother, but i listened to her nag for a few minutes before washing myself with cold water.

i've always associated summer with watermelon because i always see it being sliced after i get out of the shower in the afternoon. i'd eat it while watching gag tv, but when it came time for dinner, i whined like a child for chicken. and just like that, they fulfilled my childish request by ordering the chicken, despite the fact that my family of four can't even finish one whole chicken.

the day didn't end there because we ate the chicken while watching a vod together. such moments of togetherness drew us closer, though it was amusing how only my father and i cried when a sad scene came up. but, silly me, i fell asleep halfway through the movie and my father ended up carrying me to my bedroom to sleep.

that was the end of a day of little winter. it wasn't anything extravagant or lavish, but it was the little things that happened that i remember to this day!

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nanibanner · 2 years

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Boat Day~ H.H

Dad!harry holland x reader

Summary: y/n, Harry, and Wren have a nice day on the boat

a/n: I named your baby Wren :)Also, click this link to see Wren’s outfit

Warning: shity fic with no plot;)

Harry was thrilled to introduce his baby girl to Italy, and surprisingly Wren had no trouble adapting to Italy.

Today was the last day in Italy so, Harry had rented out a boat for the day. Tom had joined you, saying that he could take care of Wren while you and Harry went jet skiing.

Y'all had gotten to the dock around 10:00 AM, Wren was happy babbling to you about god knows what, Tom and Harry went on to check out the boat. The four of you got settled in, you gave Tom all of Wren’s necessities.

The instructor gave you guys a quick synopsis of what to do and what not to do.

You and Harry were off having the time of your lives, “lets head back, yeah? The current is getting strong,” Harry yells over the wind and the waves.

You nod turning the jet ski the other way, you turned the jet ski’s in and made your way to the boat.

When you got to the boat Tom and Wren were dancing around the boat.

Wren was excited to see her mum and dad stretching out and doing grabby hands towards her dad. Her father complied taking her from his brother’s arms

“Hi, darling,” he says brushing her curls out of her face.

“Hi Wren,” you say kissing her cheek.

“Oh, no hi, Tom! Thank you for taking care of our child,” Tom mumbles to himself.

“Thanks, mate I really appreciate it,” Harry says patting Toms back, he smiles and then says “I’m going to take a nap,” he yawns, “That kid has too much energy,”

“Come on, Wren let's go get some lunch,” you say plucking her out of her dad’s arms. Y’all had taken off already the captin had told you that as soon as you and Harry got on the boat we would be smooth sailing.

You had brought a basket of all kinds of fruits and sandwiches. You had decided that you would set up lunch at the head of the boat so you could see the ocean while you ate.

You had set up Wren on a towel while you got all the food set up. Her eyes light up at the sight of her father walking towards her.

Ohh, what are we eating?” Harry asks rubbing his hands together. He’s changed out of his swimwear and is now wearing a t-shirt with some shorts.

“fruit and sandwiches,” you smile up at him, he smiles leaning down and pecking your lips.

“Wren, you hungry?” you ask putting some slices of watermelon and a sandwich cut into squares on her plate.

She nods her doe eyes looking up at you, you missed the loving gaze Harry sent you. He was admiring you, you looked absolutely from your swimsuit to his old worn-out hoodie that fits you just right, to the way your hair flowed in the wind, and you being so sweet with your baby girl. It made his heart swell.

Harry joins you guys sitting next to you. You eat in comfortable silence with the occasional screech of Wren when she sees a fish flopping out of the sea.

After lunch, Wren fell asleep to the quiet hum of the boat you were sitting on the couch outside, her head was on your chest.

Harry snaps a photo of his girls, he sits down next to you.

“Thank you, my love,” he kisses you.

You giggle pulling away “for what?” you look at him.

“For this little bundle of joy, and for everything you’ve done, he kisses you again, “I love you so fucking much Y/n” he whispers.

“I love you too, Harry,” you whisper kissing his cheek, you rest your head on his shoulder with a sigh of relief.

Y/N Y/L/N and Harry Holland spotted in Italy with their baby girl.

Written by Gia Marcos

Harry Holland and Y/n Y/l/n we're spotted in Italy with their baby girl Wren.

The couple left the Internet in shock 10 months ago, when they announced that they had given birth to a beautiful baby girl by the name of Wren, with a heartwarming post on Instagram with the caption ‘welcome home, Wren.’

click here to see the photo

the Holland clan went on to post their pictures of Wren as well, Tom posted a picture with him and Wren playing with his dog, Tessa, Their mother Nicki posted a photo with her grandchild, captioning it with ‘my grandbaby’

the couple had not been out in public in a few months for the safety of their child, but the couple sure as hell looks happy with their baby girl.

Last week we interviewed Y/n she said

“Harry is a huge help and he loves his baby girl a lot he likes to show her off all the time, I've caught him a few times trying to get her to sit still so he can take photos of her, he's very cute and I look forward to settling down with him.”

but, y/n isn't the only one who is looking forward to settling down, Tom admits that his brother is absolutely smitten with Y/n. “He is completely in love,” Tom dishes, He's like “Mate I want to marry her,”

It looks like Harry and Y/n are settling down with each other. We wish the best to the couple and their baby girl.

#harry holland x you #harry holland #harry holland x reader #harry holland fluff

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danielleruns · 2 years

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Gosh

It is time for my annual check-in with the four people who still use Tumblr!

Feeling nostalgic this morning; its gray out and I'm listening to chill instrumental hip hop and finished writing to my counsellor. Running on caffeine and melancholy vibes today, riding the line of 'is this a panic attack or just the current horrific reality of existence'. I'm off work today. Yes, I'm still at Home Depot but now I'm the hardware supervisor so you could say I'm one Subaru away from being a full on stereotype. I've been in the city and at that store for two years now. I haven't explored much of the city in that time but I have really dug into Netflix and have bought a ton of books and have read very few. I do a lot of crossword puzzles and learned how to solve a Rubik's cube. I grew out of my summer shorts. I am learning to communicate my feelings and needs and an increase in self-awareness is leading to a surprising feeling of isolation and self-loathing, and resentment. I am tired a lot but usually just with myself now.

What else? We bought an orange car together. Our apartment is sketchy but affordable. I went to Poland to meet her mom in December and saw snow-covered mountains for the first time, and probably ate 100 pierogi. I met her brothers and they translated for me. They are all too far, I would love to know them better. I also had a hysterectomy, did I already tell you? In 2020, December, right in the height of what-the-fuck-is-happing-in-the-world. I was bleeding a ton and sleeping a lot, it turned out I had a pretty large (mini-watermelon) sized fibroid growing and STEALING a lot of my blood. The safest solution was to remove my uterus, which was really scary and kind of sad for me and I couldn't have visitors and a ton of people looked at my vagina which was interesting, but I am here now and I can finally donate blood which I did this month for the first time in years. That feels nice.

That's where I am at now. Kind of comfortable at my job in a leadership role-comfortable if I allow myself to be, which I am trying to for now. Happy to be with a person who sees me and helps me to grow and be my best self, and hopefully I do that for her too. Trying to be more self aware and to see moments for what they are instead of what was and what will be.

K. See you next year, probably.

#beachyrunner #funnyrunner #runningwithguts #dont call it a comeback #smitty

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

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Pet Names, Double Dates and Other Fiascos

READ PLATONICALLY

Request: SECOND ARO FIC OH MY GOD !!!! maybe them getting a lil dirty and ben really does a number on reader, so he takes her to mcdonalds or sumn and the waiter says something along the lines of “you’re such a cute couple!” and reader gets really uncomfortable with it maybe??? and ben being taking her home and cuddling her PLATONICALLY and he’s like “it’s ok we don’t need to let anyone else’s opinions affect us”

Pairing: Aromantic!Fem!Reader x Ben Hardy

Summary: It's (nearly) all fun and games until someone assumes your relationship is romantic.

Warnings: Smut, kitchen sex, floor sex, oral sex (f receiving), a mild hint at choking, vaguely dom!Ben but not intentionally lmao, discussions of aromanticism and queerplatonic relationships, not as dialogue heavy as the first part though.

Words: 7, 264

A/N: Happy Arospec Awareness Week!! Big thanks to the anon who sent in that request when I asked for ideas for future chapters. I put a little bit of a twist on your idea but it’s fundamentally the same. Also the last scene is one that I’ve been thinking about for literal months now and I finally managed to fit it into a fic!

As always, if you’re curious about anything to do with aromanticism I am very happy to talk about it and answer questions!

Taglist: @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @scorpiogemini

The day had started off well. You woke with Ben tucked up under your arm, his legs curled up towards his chest since you’d stole the covers as you’d slept. Your face was pressed against the back of his neck and you felt him shift as you sighed sleepily and tried to keep from waking. Squeezing your eyes shut and pretending you hadn’t stirred must have worked because the next thing you knew was waking up to an empty bed and tinkly tapping sounds from somewhere else in the apartment. Groggily you shuffled out from the inviting comfort of the mattress, stretched, and pulled down the hem of the shirt you’d slept in to better cover your otherwise bare thighs before following the noises. You found Ben, still in his pyjamas (well, his boxer briefs) in the kitchen, dropping a couple of toasted waffles onto a plate, humming to himself.

“That for me?” you asked, stifling a yawn. “It can be,” he said, passing the plate to you with a quick kiss on your cheek, “There’s some cut up fruit and the maple syrup out on the coffee table and there’s coffee brewing over there,” “Thanks Benny,” “You’re welcome, Puddin’,” “Puddin’?” “I thought it was cute,” “Very cute.” You laughed as you reached for your coffee, unable to help but smile as you left the room. The first few months of your partnership had taken some adjusting and one thing Ben had decided he would do to make you both feel more at home with the dynamic was to come up with some non-romantic based terms of endearment for you. You’d vetoed things like baby and honey straight away, all of them a little too heavily skewed towards romance, or just reminders of past relationships you’d tried to force yourself into, for you to enjoy them. But, as Ben had said, he liked a good pet name, and he’d seemingly been determined to prove as much, constantly coming up with new things to call you. You, never really one for pet names anyway, mostly stuck with Benny or Benjamin if the situation called for something longer but you had a few other go-tos – things like Pet and Blondie as signs of affection, or Handsome and Tiger when you wanted to make him blush.

A few minutes later Ben joined you on the couch, placing his coffee down beside yours, almost spilling it as he watched the news story that was playing. “Remember we’ve got that double date with Jill and Martin this afternoon,” you said, the memory only just coming to you yourself. “Yeah, what time was that?” “Hang on, I’ll check the chat.” You scrolled through the messages on your phone with one hand while you ate with the other, “uhhh right, yeah, meeting at the bowling alley at 1.30.” “Bowling? Good, better than another shitty movie,” You laughed, “hey the last one they picked wasn’t too bad.” “Yeah I know, just not in the mood for it since I’ve been on set all week. I know if I went to the cinema now I’d just get distracted thinking about all the behind the scenes stuff which isn’t ideal for becoming invested in the story. Plus they’re always choosing romcoms, doesn’t that get annoying for you?” “Not really,” you shrugged, “I mean, do I sometimes wish they’d branch out? Sure. But I enjoy romance in fiction I just don’t need it in my real life. Don’t get me wrong though, very happy to do something different this time.” “How long d’you think we’ll be out?” You shrugged, “A few hours maybe?” “We should pop to the shop on the way back then. You need milk and we could get something nice for dinner.” “Sounds good. Does that mean you’re staying over again tonight?” “I was planning to, yeah. Barely saw you last week so I was hoping to spend all weekend with you to make up for it.” “Bet you regret agreeing to go out with them now,” “Kinda. S’pose it’s too late to cancel though,” “Nah you still could but you know they’ll get stroppy about it and we’ll have to go out with them next week. They don’t have any other couple friends since Neil and Percy split and Bianca took her fella overseas.” “Yeah, wasn’t seriously suggesting it.” “What would the plan have been if we did cancel?” Ben chewed a mouthful of fruit thoughtfully, “you, me, your bed. No need to be too quiet since Sophie’s still out,” he glanced at your roommate’s bedroom door, his eyes swinging back to you as he continued, “Or y’know, we could do a puzzle and listen to music all day, have a cat nap after lunch, whatever.” “You’re cute when you’re being all lazy,” “There would be nothing lazy about it thank you very much,” “Cat naps aren’t lazy?” “You know that’s not the part I was talking about,” “It wasn’t? Then what won’t be lazy,” you tried to hold back a giggle in the middle of your faux confusion but broke when Ben blew a raspberry at you in response.

Nothing more was said about cancelling as you finished your breakfast, though truthfully you probably wouldn’t have minded if Ben had cried off sick and rescheduled the double date. But you both decided that Sunday would be a day for just the two of you to make up for having to spend Saturday afternoon with others. Instead, you spoke of the week just passed and commented on the news still playing on the TV. When you were finished (Ben using the last corner of one of his waffles to swipe the remnant syrup from his plate) you stood and stacked the sticky dishes in your arms. Ben collected the coffee cups and a few other assorted dishes from the previous night, leading the way towards the kitchen and the dishwasher. He loaded his small collection onto the shelves before turning to grab the top plate from the pile you held. A noise of disgust rose from his throat as you held the plate out and he miscalculated the trajectory, his palm landing in a puddle of syrup and fruit juice. You were torn between laughing at his expression and taking the opportunity to toy with him a little but, always ready to tease him, your desire to see him blush won out. Trying not to smile too much, you reached forward and wrapped your hand around his wrist, pulling his palm closer so you could lick the sweet syrup from his skin. Predictably his cheeks turned pink and he pulled his lip between his teeth as you let him go with a laugh. “Bet you’re really wishing we didn’t have to go out now, huh Tiger?” Ben didn’t respond but he did react, his eyes locked on you as he swiped his fingers along the same plate and held them out in offering. Not quite sure where things were heading but very keen on finding out, you leaned forward and let your lips part slightly. He took the action for what it was, an invitation, and trailed his fingertips across your lower lip before slipping them between the two. He watched closely as you sucked his fingers deeper, using your tongue to lick up the sweet residue. There was still an element of novelty with this aspect of your partnership. Still part of you that was intensely aware that it was Ben’s fingers in your mouth. There wasn’t any hesitation though, hadn’t been since that first time when you’d both had to psych yourselves up to actually look at each other naked. But there was a part of your brain that was almost surprised when you found yourselves at the edge of a sexual situation. You suspected he was similarly discombobulated by how easy it was for you to end up there, how frequently playful teasing and friendly jokes turned into hands grasping at bed sheets and breathless moans against sweat-slick skin. He pulled his fingers free from your lips, unwilling or perhaps unable to shift his gaze away from the thin string of saliva that connected them like some kind of erotic spider web that you were both already caught in. You waited to see what he’d do next, feeling your heart race in the pregnant pause so full of potential. And then he moved. You laughed as he grabbed you around the waist and lifted you at the same moment he stepped towards the bench, your legs instinctively wrapping around him. He kissed you too, hungrily, as if it were impossible to resist. You’d looked down at him and suddenly been pulled towards each other, lips meeting with all the force and attraction of a magnetic field. Usually, he would have had a hand against the back of your head or your jaw but carrying you meant both his hands were already occupied so instead you substituted your own, tangling your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck to keep him from pulling away too far. As soon as you were safely positioned on the edge of the bench though his hands were free to fall elsewhere. One pressed against the small of your back as the other squeezed your thigh, encouraging you to keep your legs spread. Not that you could have closed them with Ben standing between them and not that the thought had even crossed your mind.

If you’d had all day Ben probably would have taken his time with you. Despite what he’d said earlier, you’d discovered Ben had a soft spot for slow and sensual intimacy. Making out that gradually built to passionate kiss-filled sex, foreplay that included soft caresses and whispered praise, anything that let him explore your body in intricate detail with his hands and lips. You’d been with guys like that before and had hated their insistence on linking hands and kissing you slowly. Those relationships never lasted long but with Ben it felt different, it felt good. Maybe it was because he knew you weren’t on board with overtly romantic acts and respected those boundaries you’d talked about so you never felt as if he were pushing you into a roll you didn’t enjoy. Or maybe he was just a better lover than they had been. Either way, it came to same result. You still preferred something less gentle and more energetic, though you felt you better understood the appeal of being held so close and kissed so tenderly. But with only a few hours before you’d have to start getting ready, Ben was inclined to speed things up a little. His hand quickly slipped up your thigh to press against your pussy, the cotton knickers you’d slept in the only thing keeping him from direct contact. You broke the kiss suddenly, the smacking sound loud in the small room, and dipped your head to press your lips to the notch between his clavicles. In response, Ben lifted his chin, exposing more of his throat to you and you took the chance to playfully nip at the junction where his neck and shoulder met. “Oi, no marks,” he said lwoly as you moved to kiss back up towards his jaw. “Afraid I’ll brand you with my initials?” “If you could legibly write your initials in hickeys I’d put up with whatever teasing the makeup ladies gave me,” “I’ll give it a crack then shall I?” Before you could so much as flick your tongue over his skin, Ben had raised a hand and placed it over your mouth to keep you from testing our your writing abilities, “Don’t think theres enough time, Sugar, but if you really want to I’ll let you try tonight, on my thigh where no one is likely to see it.” “Make it your arse and you’ve got a deal,” you said though it was a little muffled by his palm. “Fine,” he laughed, drawing his hand away, “But then I get to try it on you too,” You nodded, grinning, and then both fell into giggles, leaning against each other’s shoulders. This was what you’d hoped for when Ben had first approached you with the idea of being partners, what you’d been afraid you’d never actually find. Someone who would follow your tangential jokes even if it delayed sex. Someone you could be yourself with. You were distracted from the thought as Ben pressed his lips to your shoulder over the sleeve of your shirt. “Should I continue?” he asked, still smiling though softer, his fingertips lightly dancing over the crease of your thigh. “I’d be offended if you didn’t” “Can’t have that,” he leaned in to catch your lips once again, at the same time resuming stroking you over your panties so that you felt all the air leave your lungs in a rush. It felt good but you need more and so shifted your hips, trying to press yourself harder against his fingers. To get more leverage and better brace yourself as your centre of gravity changed, you dropped a hand behind you. Intuitively, Ben shifted the hand on your back higher and closer to your side to help keep you steady, the other still drawing lines along your clothed slit. You gasped as his thumb took up residence against your clit, rubbing it firmly so a visible damp patch began to form on your panties.

Ben grinned at you as your breath came harder and dragged his thumb back down away from your clit towards the leg of your underwear. Still watching your reactions, he twisted his fingers up under the material, gently tracing them along the same path they’d just followed only now he could feel your wetness directly. “I’ve got an idea,” he said, leaning close to your ear, as he circled your entrance with a fingertip before pressing it into you, “of how I’d like to fuck you right now. It might take a little flexibility on your part though. I mean, nothing too much, just getting your legs up on my shoulders.” Curious, and more than a little distracted by the addition of a second finger inside you, you nodded, “Sounds fun.” “Knew you’d say that. Just tell me if it’s too uncomfortable,” “Will do.” You leaned forward as Ben moved back a little, taking his fingers with him, giving you enough room to drop your hand to his crotch and grasp his stiff length through his undies, “Just get on with it.” “Puddin’ was too nice a nickname for you. Sugar too.” he gasped as you dragged your palm along his length and back again. “What’s the matter, Tiger?” “Maybe I should call you Tiger, if you’re going to keep grabbing my cock like that,” You laughed and let him go, leaning back on your palm again, “Tigress? Whatever, doesn’t matter. Are you going to fuck me or not?” “No I just wanted to get my dick hard for no reason,” he said sarcastically, poking his tongue out at you as he pushed his underwear down. “You’re such a –” you broke off with a sharp gasp as Ben tugged your underwear aside and pressed into you without warning, “dork.” Ben chucked and leaned in to kiss you quickly before readjusting your position a little by pulling you closer to him so your arse was right against the edge of the bench. Slowly he rolled his hips against you, pulling back and thrusting forward again, finding a rhythm that worked. You leaned back on both palms as Ben grabbed you by the waist, the other resting on your knee to keep it pressed against his side. “This feel alright?” he asked as he gave another thrust, hitting a spot deep inside you. “Mmhmm,” you nodded, able to feel yourself growing wetter with each stroke of his cock. “What about this?” Ben shifted first one of your legs and then the other to his shoulders, encouraging you to bend them at the knee. His hands moved to your sides, fingertips digging into your back as he pressed you even closer. The effect was that you felt as if you were almost folded in half but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. There was an almost weightless feeling to it and any slight awkwardness you felt with your chest meeting your thighs was a small price to pay for just how good Ben felt once again moving inside you. You tightened your fingers against the benchtop, wishing there was something you could grab onto as your whole body rocked with each of his thrusts, the position allowing him to penetrate you deeply, continuously brushing against a number of spots that sent electric spikes of pleasure through you. “Fuck,” was about all you could think to say. “That a good fuck?” Ben questioned, voice gruff with his exertions. “Yeah, yes, fuck, so good,” “So you like when I do this?” You let out a soft moan as he roughly fucked into you again, timing it just right. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he half laughed, turning his head to kiss your leg before leaning forward to catch your lips again. After that there wasn’t much room for talking. Ben, having assured himself that you were happy, speeded up his rhythm, clutching you tightly to keep your legs from slipping off his shoulders. His breathing became rougher, matching your own, as he drove into you, though he still kissed you as much as he could, panting against your lips, swallowing your moans and pushing whatever air he had into your lungs.

You could feel your orgasm bubbling up, like a pot of water on the verge of boiling, but knew Ben would reach his first, recognising his expression as the one he wore when he was trying to hold back from the edge. “Fu-ck you’re s-so tight,” he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut as he leaned his forehead against yours, “gonna have to pull out soon,” You could feel him pulling away and tightened your calves on either side of his neck in an effort to stop him, needing just a little more to reach your own release. “Not helping,” he groaned, suddenly unable to hold off any longer, “Shit. Y/N.” You whined as he stilled to shoot his release over your walls. “Jesus,” he said a little breathlessly, as he pulled out, your underwear slipping back over you, and rubbed his neck absentmindedly, “Didn’t expect that to finish me off. Did you…?” You shook your head, letting your leg slip to be caught in the crook of Ben’s arm. “Well let’s fix that, shall we,” he said, already letting you go to bend forward, his face right between your thighs. You felt a puff of his hot breath against you as he hooked his index finger into the crotch of your knickers, pulling it aside, and then his tongue was on you, lapping up your arousal and coming to rest against your clit. He set up camp there, focusing all his attention on the small nub. You let yourself drop back so you were holding yourself up on one elbow, your other hand on the back of Ben’s head, tugging on his hair as he drew a series of moans from you. With a particularly firm suck, you felt your cunt pulse and something warm and wet ran from you, dripping over the edge of the bench onto the cupboard door. You had an idea what it was so it surprised you when Ben released your clit to lick between your lips, catching it with his tongue and spreading it along your slit. “We taste good together,” he mumbled, going in to trace the same path over again, greedily licking up the mixture. You swore under your breath, feeling yourself right on the edge of your orgasm, unspeakably turned on by Ben lapping up the load he’d just left in you. Sensing how close you were he dragged his tongue over your clit again, quickly sliding two fingers into you to help you along. You whined his name as he pushed you over the edge, continuing to pump his fingers into you as he again sucked at your clit, not stopping until he was sure it had worked. “Thank you,” you said as he straightened up again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re such a dork,” he laughed as he kissed you again, tracing his tongue over yours. The man clearly wanted you lightheaded from lack of air. “Shut up,” you pushed yourself to sit up straight again, expecting Ben to step away and let you hop down from the bench. He didn’t though, instead absentmindedly toying with the leg of your underwear as his gaze fell to your lips. “Seriously?” Ben shrugged, “Eating you out made me hard again. And,” he quickly ran his fingers along the edge of the bench, collecting some of the mess you’d left there, “I think it’s only fair you should taste us too,” If he’s said it less earnestly you might have batted his hand away and laughed off the suggestion but something about his tone made you grab his wrist to pull his fingers towards your mouth. He hadn’t been wrong, the mix of you both did taste pretty good, though you’d already got a hint of it as he’d kissed you. “Good girl,” he breathed out, eyes heavy with lust, “think you’re up for more?” “Can we move elsewhere? The edge of the counter is digging into me.” “Okay,” Ben began tugging your underwear down and kicked off his own before pulling your shirt over your head, making you laugh. He Helped you stand and then immediately pushed you to the floor. For a moment you thought he was suggesting you give him a blowjob and were about to question him but half a second later he was following you down, laying down and pulling you on top. “I meant like the bed or the couch at least,” you said somewhere between incredulity and amusement. “Too far,” he grunted, bucking his hips to encourage you to mount him properly, “need you now.” You rolled your eyes as you sank down onto his dick, “Do I actually get to cum this time or…?” “Only if you move,” Ben growled as he grasped your hips and pulled you down onto him, making you cry out at the unexpectedly sudden sensation of being filled. He let you ride him for a bit, alternating between squeezing your thigh as he rubbed his thumb over your clit and cupping your breasts, teasing your nipples as he encouraged you to fuck yourself on his cock faster. You kept to the same steady pace though, intending to drag it out a little, make him wait. But it wasn’t long before he got fed up with the deliberately slow pace you’d cultivated. Without warning you found yourself on your back, Ben grasping your thighs as he kneeled over you, pulling your hips up a little so he could fuck you the way he wanted. Your voice shook as you moaned and writhed in his shadow, your own fingers dancing over your clit to keep building your orgasm. “Isn’t that better?” he said roughly, laughing a little as you nodded your agreement, “Making me wish I had cancelled our plans. Could stay in your pussy all day.” You whimpered and rubbed your clit harder. “C’mon Pumpkin, so close aren’t ya,” You squeezed your eyes shut, moaning when you finally tipped over the edge. But that didn’t stop Ben. He waited until your orgasm had subsided and then pushed your legs wide and up into the air so he could lay directly on top of you as he continued to pound you. Your voice shook as a moan was pulled from your throat and you squirmed beneath him, feeling yourself once again being drawn towards release. There was something about his weight pressing down on you, his breath against your ear. Something about how close he seemed, almost panting as his hips stuttered in and out of the rhythm he was desperately trying to hold on to. He mouthed at your neck as you tilted your head to accommodate him, reaching a hand down to squeeze his arse cheek. You were sore from every other way he’d fucked you, tired from the two orgasms he’d already wrung from you, and yet the thought of stopping him, of ending the incredible pleasure you felt at his hands, was the furthest thing from your mind. A scream caught in your throat as he seemed to press you even harder into the floor, your legs shaking in the air as he grit his teeth and grunted with each harsh drive into you. And then he came, gasping against your throat as he felt you cum too, finally releasing the scream you’d been holding onto until the noise turned to breaths so ragged they felt like sobs.

Ben kissed your throat and then your jaw as he came back to earth, still laying on you. “How was that?” he asked softly when you’d remained quiet for a while. You drew in a deep breath, “Pum-Pumpkin?” “What?” “You called me fucking Pumpkin of all things, while trying to get me off?” “So?” “Jesus Ben,” you half-heartedly swatted at his side, “you’re lucky I was so close that it didn’t matter otherwise I might have laughed and completely lost the orgasm.” Ben joined in your laughter, the sensation of his shaking body on top of yours slightly odd but mostly quite comforting. Until he shifted his hips without thinking and made you wince. “Sorry,” he said, pressing his lips to yours again as if to kiss away the discomfort before he gingerly pulled out of you and sat back on his knees, “But you did cum that time, right?” “I think you know I did,” you sighed, already able to see what was coming, as you let your legs drop to the floor. “So wait, how many times exactly?” You sighed and shook your head slightly. “Because if my maths is right, I think we got you to three times. Once on the bench and twice on the floor. One plus two is three, yes?” “Yes that’s how basic addition works Ben,” “And who was it again that got you to three orgasms? Was it,” he pointed a finger as his one chest, “Moi?” “Alright asshole, you’re very impressive and a somewhat decent shag,” “I think you could be a little more grateful considering that performance. Might have been my best ever moves,” You pushed Ben in the middle of the chest, exaggeratedly rolling your eyes but, truthfully you were inclined to agree that it had been his best performance yet, at least in your experience. “Here let me help you,” he chuckled as you tried to stand, almost falling over as your legs shook. Quickly, Ben pushed himself to his feet and then offered you a hand up too, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you steady. “Thanks,” “I hope I haven’t made it too hard for you to walk. Wouldn’t want to throw off your bowling cos you were fucked so right.” “Jesus Christ,” you couldn’t help but laugh.

The rest of the time you had before you had to leave was spent tidying up the kitchen, cleaning up the evidence of the mornings activities in case your roommate got home before you, washing up and getting ready to go. Which is really when things started to go downhill. If you’d realised you might have told yourself to stay home, come up with a quick excuse to get out of it and just played video games with Ben for the rest of the day or something. But there was no way to know what was coming so you didn’t. You talked happily as you got into Ben’s car (which was already parked on the street), excited to see your friends and looking forward to the afternoon.

The double date itself was quite fun, although draining. There was always an element of playing pretend at these sorts of occasions. Not that you minded so much. It was either play up the romance of your relationship or have to explain what you were to everyone and a few hours of pretending Ben was your boyfriend was honestly much simpler. At least bowling was better than the cinema. The first time you’d gone on a double date to a movie you’d sat down beside Ben, the popcorn you were sharing balanced on the arm rest between you. Martin and Jill had raised their armrest and were virtually sitting on top of each other, hands entwined. Which would have been fine except Martin had leaned over and said, “you know these things move” and looked expectantly at you. Ben and you had shared a glance and then tried to say you were both fine with the space but they’d given you matching looks that said they thought you were being weird or prudish or judging their willingness to cuddle in public. So you’d relented and shifted the armrest so you could spend the next two hours sitting with Ben’s arm around your shoulders, both of you more tense about the situation than you ever would have been if you’d just been allowed to sit in your seats like normal. Things had improved a bit since then. Ben had told you that one night when you’d gone out to a bar together, Martin had pulled him aside as asked why he never kissed you properly. Ben had shrugged and said he didn’t like PDAs, that he didn’t want photos to spread or anything like that, especially since it was still so new, and Martin had accepted it. They began to see that your ways of being affectionate were quieter, stealing sips from each other’s drinks, a warm hand against a knee, dumb nicknames that made you both laugh. Even if Jill did sometimes still try to convince you that there was nothing wrong with snogging in the middle of a busy street. Nonetheless you never felt fully able to relax when it was just the four of you. Always conscious of how they saw you, always worried that they’d decide you weren’t being affectionate enough and would tell everyone else you were going through a rough patch which would lead to more scrutiny. While at the same time worrying that one of them would start asking how serious it was between you and Ben, were you thinking about the future? Could you see yourselves moving in together? Was he the one? And it took a lot of energy to constantly be alert about what you were saying, always careful to not accidentally give away the secret truth of the situation. Bowling was fun though and less pressure than other double dates you’d been on. You could get away with not holding hands or sitting on Ben’s lap since everyone was standing up frequently and it didn’t make sense to be on top of one another. You could share small pecks on the lips or else tight hugs to celebrate strikes. And Ben made sure to tease you for missed pins, just like he always had, with a few added silly nicknames. He called you his sweet little hotdog after a particularly bad gutter shot which had made you laugh so hard you choked on your drink, and made Jill give him a disapproving glance. He’d smoothed it over by letting her overhear him saying he loved you, whispering the platonically just for you.

By the time Jill had been declared the winner of the game, you were ready to head home and spend a night forwarding Ben weird videos and dumb memes. Ready to be allowed to just exist without needing to be romantically linked to anyone. But it wasn’t quite to be. Martin made the suggestion that all of you should head to McDonalds for dinner and before you knew it you were standing in line, waiting for the kid at the cash register to serve you. You leaned your head on Ben’s shoulder as you stared at the menu, and vaguely wondered how someone working in a fast food joint could be so bright and bubbly. Right up until Ben nudged you and asked what you wanted. “Um, can I get a quarter pounder and a frozen coke, thanks.” “And?” Ben supplied. “And what?” “Y/N I know you want dessert, get dessert.” “And an Oreo McFlurry,” you smiled and bumped Ben’s shoulder with yours as he laughed and finished paying. “You guy’s make a cute couple,” the girl who’d served you said, eyes following the path of Ben’s gaze to you, still smiling. She seemed to realise what she’d said, her ears turning red, but Ben thanked her and added, “I think I have to agree,” as he squeezed your hip, before moving away so Jill and Martin could order. You’d smiled at her too but it wasn’t quite genuine.

It wasn’t that you weren’t used to it, people assuming you and Ben were in fact a couple. You were. One or two weeks after you’d first agreed to try out being queerplatonic partners, most of your friends had put two and two together and worked out that something was going on between you. Of course they didn’t know you were aromantic and they probably didn’t have any idea what a QPR was so they’d really added two and two and got five but you weren’t about to correct them. As you’d said to Ben, it was too much too soon to do that. Maybe if the QPR thing worked out long term, maybe then you could tell them. And besides, they weren’t exactly wrong anyway. They’d originally assumed you and Ben were just hooking up after Martin had dropped in to pick up something he’d left at Ben’s and had seen you spread out on Ben’s couch with sex hair and a rather large hickey on your neck and Ben’s sweater hanging off your shoulder. He’d asked Ben who’d just shrugged in response and said it wasn’t a big deal. You estimated it took about a minute and a half to reach everyone else. The next time you’d gone out as a group you’d felt them all watching you and Ben closely, trying to determine if Martin with bullshitting them all or not. They’d all decided it was just sex though. Until you were clearly still together a month later and they decided it had to be serious since Ben had never successfully fucked a girl for that long without catching feelings. That was when they started referring to you as boyfriend and girlfriend. That was also when the comments about how cute you were or how they’d always known you’d get together had first started. The first few times you’d heard it, it felt weird but you figured that was just because it was you and Ben and you were still working out how to be partners without the romance. You’d been in relationships before though and didn’t have any major objections to anything they said so you found it fairly easy to deal with and mostly you didn’t notice it anymore.

Except now it was bothering you. Something about the girl’s comment had rubbed you the wrong way. Which made you feel bad because she was just a kid with a shitty minimum wage job who didn’t know you from Adam. She had no idea. She was just trying to say something nice to a couple of strangers. You supposed your dislike of the comment probably had something to do with spending all afternoon putting on the romantic act for the benefit of your friends. Maybe even something about the sex from earlier. Probably just exhaustion from everything, a shorter fuse. It could even just be PMS though you’d have to check how far off your next period was to be sure. Whatever the reason it felt…not wrong exactly just off. You stayed quiet during most of the meal, aware you weren’t being great company and aware that Ben had realised something was wrong since he kept glancing at you when the other two weren’t looking. “Y/N,” Jill’s voice cut through your thoughts, “Still with us?” “Yeah,” you said, pulling a smile onto your face, “sorry, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep well last night,” That statement was met by high pitched oohing noises and Martin jokily reprimanding Ben for keeping you up. You forced yourself to laugh with them, “Not like that you pervs. Ben was filming a night scene yesterday so didn’t actually get to mine until what,” you looked to Ben for confirmation, “One-thirty was it?” “Something like that. I don’t know I fell asleep almost as soon as I put my head down.” “Me, not so much,” you shrugged, “It’s all just catching up with me now.” They accepted that excuse without question and didn’t aim too many more comments in your direction, letting you finish your food without having to keep your mind on their conversation. And pretty soon you were hugging them goodbye and promising you’d organise the next date as Martin told Ben to get you home to bed before you fell asleep in your ice cream.

Ben waited until you were safely back inside your apartment before he asked if you were okay. “We were meant to get milk,” you sighed, trying to push away the annoyingly persistent discomfort. “I’ll go out later and get some. Or we can get Sophie to bring some back when she comes home. Are you okay though?” Unsure if this was a situation where you’d want space, Ben hovered at a respectful distance until you stepped in close and leaned your head against his chest. As soon as he knew you wanted him there he wrapped his arms tightly around you, “What’s wrong?” “Not sure. Think it all just got a bit much.” “How do you mean?” You shrugged as much as his embrace would allow and talked against his chest as you tried your best to explain how flat you felt, “I think the girl who served us was just like the straw that broke the camel’s back, y’know.” “Did me agreeing with her make things worse?” You shook your head, “Don’t think so. I knew you meant it in a different way to her. Besides, the other two were in earshot so there wasn’t much else you could say.” “You know that what everyone else thinks of us doesn’t change anything about what we have, right, or what we mean to each other. It doesn’t change who you are.” You didn’t mean to say it but the words had escaped before you could stop them, “Wouldn’t it be easier if it did though.” “But then you wouldn’t be you and I love you, platonically.” You smiled and nodded as you stepped back a little, though Ben’s arms wouldn’t let you go too far, “I know, thank you. And I’m fine, just having a bit of an off afternoon.” “Are you sure? Is there anything else I can do to help?” “No, you’ve been perfect.” You leaned up to give him a quick kiss, “And I know I’m being stupid about it. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided not to come out to them. Besides, being back home with you has definitely made me feel better already.” “Do you want a cuppa or anything?” “Nah, think I might just go lie down and read for bit. Decompress a little, y’know.” “Okay. Give me a shout if you want anything, yeah,” he pressed a kiss to your temple and give you an extra squeeze before he let you go.

Slowly you headed to your bedroom, kneeling down at your bookshelf and running your fingers along the spines until you found the one you wanted. That particular book had seen better days. It’s spine was cracked, the image on the cover peeling away from the cardboard underneath. More than one page had begun to fray around the edges like an ancient treasure map in a cartoon, with little triangles missing and the corners permanently creased where they’d been dog eared a hundred times. But as you settled into the bed, Ben’s pillow still smelling faintly of his hair pomade, you began to feel more yourself. Ben was right. What other people thought of your relationship didn’t matter. He was still your Ben, the same Ben who’s hoodie had been living in your cupboard for years now because he spent so much time at yours anyway it just made sense to keep a spare there. The same Ben who’d bought you your favourite pair of sunglasses when you’d left your old ones at home by accident. The same Ben who’d gradually been reading his way through your entire bookshelf rather than buying his own paperbacks. You had too much history there and too much love for each other for anyone else’s opinions to matter. And your partnership was good. It made you happy so it had to be good.

The time passed quickly as you read so when you looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and saw that a couple of hours had passed, you were a little taken aback. Ben poked his head round the corner and then stepped through the doorway when he saw you looked better. “Nice to see you smiling again,” he said softly as he crawled up beside you. Without thinking you lifted your arm so he could snuggle against you, his head on your chest. “What’re you reading?” “First Test by Tamora Pierce. First book in her Protector of the Small series.” “What’s it about?” “A girl training to become a knight. Gran bought it for me as a kid while we were on a holiday at the seaside.” Ben glanced at the worn pages, “Do you reread it a lot?” “Yeah a bit. The main character, Kel, is like the only aromantic character I know of so she’s kinda important to me.” “The main character’s aro?” “I mean, not explicitly. It was published in ’99 and the terminology to describe aro experiences didn’t really start being used until like the late 2000s and even then only in certain communities online. But Tamora Pierce did answer some questions on her website and said that as she was writing the series Kel became less and less interested in romance and sex so even though she didn’t have the words for it back then, she would consider Kel aro and probably ace too. And I mean, rereading them I definitely feel an aro sort of reaction to a lot of the romance stuff, even when Kel does start kissing boys and all that.” Ben leaned back to better see your face, “Will you read to me?” You leaned down to kiss him, unhurriedly, softly, letting your lips linger on his. “Is that a yes?” “That was a sorry I’ve been weird this evening kiss actually.” “Don’t worry about it,” he said simply, snuggling back down, his head once again resting on your chest and his arm thrown over your waist. You adjusted your grip on the book and began to read from where you’d left off, one hand running absentmindedly through his hair, both of you sighing softly as you relaxed into each other.

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy smut #ben hardy imagine #idk i hope its okay #also if you have any more idea for potential future chapters about these two send them my way #i like having an aro character to come back to every now and again lmao

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reinerispretty · 4 years

Text

rotations. bonus! (y/n) is pregnant

can i request zuko learning that his wife is pregnant? (like after the honeymoon stage) and how would he react on the following 9 months?

Marvellous Masterpiece of series you had us read! Thank you for everything! I wanted to ask if is not too much to ask (if you want to of course... it is just a suggestion😰😂) if you can write another bonus with y/n realises she is pregnant and sees how they are with their children. The book change my perspective completely about Zuko. I love Zuko, but now... I am in love. Thank you and have a nice day! Stay safe!

I'm so sad that rotations is over!!! 😭 I'm definitely gonna reread it again! It was so good! You're such a talented writer! Thank you so much for creating such a great story ❤❤ On a side note, what about a blurb where Zuko and y/n find out they're having a baby ! 😱 I could only imagine Zuko freaking out about it 😂

as u can see....this was widely requested. thank u to everyone who did!! :)

(Y/N) inhaled the sharp ocean breeze as she stepped off the boat. It had been years since she had been back to Ember Island. The last time she had set foot on its shores, she was sixteen and plotting to save the world from a tyrannical monster. Now, she was twenty-four, happily married, and queen of the very nation she had been fighting against. Interesting, how life worked.

Zuko was already waiting for her at the end of the dock. He had left the palace a few days early to make sure the house was properly cleaned of any dirt, dust, and unhappy memory. (Y/N) ran into his arms and he lifted her up, spinning her in a circle before setting her gently back on her feet.

“I missed you!” She exclaimed, before planting a kiss on his lips. Zuko smiled into it before pulling away.

“I missed you too. How was your trip?” (Y/N) shrugged.

“I only threw up twice! That’s got to be a new record, I think.” Zuko chuckled as he took his wife’s hand and led her up to the beach house.

“I think you’re going to like how the house looks,” He said. “I even included a little surprise for you.”

“A surprise!” She gasped. “I love surprises. Is it a turtle duck pond? I think everywhere we go should have a turtle duck pond.”

“Something even better than a turtle duck pond.” (Y/N) scoffed as they walked up the rocky steps to the backyard of the beach house.

“There’s no such thing.” As she turned to face forward, her eyes widened at the sight of all of her friends: Katara, Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Suki all stood before her, big smiles on their faces as they shouted:

“Surprise!”

(Y/N) immediately left Zuko in the dust, running toward her friends and enveloping them in tight hugs. She hugged Toph first, then Suki, Sokka, Aang, and saved her hug for Katara for last. They held onto each other tightly, rocking back and forth as (Y/N) cried into her shoulder.

“Are you alright?” Katara laughed as they pulled away. (Y/N) nodded as she quickly wiped away her tears. It had been months since she had seen any of her friends, and it had been nearly years since they were all in the same place at the exact same time. To see everyone together made her more than emotional.

“I’m sorry, I’m just really surprised and really happy! What are you all doing here?”

“Zuko asked us all to take a well-deserved vacation,” Toph said, cracking her knuckles.

“You’ve been working hard at the palace,” Zuko said as he came up behind her. “I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you.”

“Aw, who knew Zuko had a heart,” Sokka joked.

“Uh, I kind of called it the whole time,” (Y/N) laughed. She clasped her hands together. “Food! We need food and drinks and--”

“And everything will be taken care of by the servants,” Zuko said, rubbing his hands into her shoulders. “All we have to do it relax.”

They spent the remainder of the day at the beach, swimming and building sand castles like they had when they were young. (Y/N) had lounged on the beach beside Suki and turned her head to speak to the Kyoshi Warrior. “You know what I’m really craving? Sea prunes. They sound so good right now.”

Sokka heard her statement and looked at her quizzically. “You hate sea prunes. Like, with a passion.” (Y/N) shrugged.

“Maybe I’m changing as a person.”

(Y/N) had requested of their servants that their dinner be a feast. She loaded food on to her plate and went back for seconds and thirds. She even saved room for fruit tarts for dessert. Zuko had to practically carry her upstairs to their bedroom because she was so full.

The next morning, (Y/N) eyes flew open and she immediately ran to the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and hunched over the toilet, unfortunately throwing up all the delicious food she had eaten the night before. Although Zuko had been asleep, he was now on high-alert and knocked on the bathroom door.

“(Y/N)? Would you let me in?”

She coughed and shook her head weakly, even though he couldn’t see her. “No, it’s gross in here.”

“You act like I would care. Let me in, please.” Slowly, she unlocked the door and Zuko flew in, kneeling at her side and pulling her into his chest. “Are you feeling alright?”

(Y/N) nodded. “It was probably the sea prunes. I ate so many.” Zuko chuckled.

“Can I ask Katara to come in and check on you?” (Y/N) nodded again and Zuko propped her gently up against the bathroom wall. Within minutes, Katara was kneeling down to check her for any illness.

“Good morning,” (Y/N) said sarcastically. Katara laughed.

“It’s strange for you to get sick like this. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sick.”

“It’s because I have the blood of champions,” (Y/N) said nonchalantly. “I’m really feeling fine, Zuko’s just a worrier.”

Katara stared at (Y/N) for a moment, her brows furrowed, before leaving the bathroom completely. (Y/N) sat on the floor, confused. While Katara was dependable and motherly, there were definitely times when she did things out of the ordinary. When she returned to the bathroom with Toph, (Y/N) thought that was definitely strange.

“No offense, but why is Toph here?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, Fire Feet.” Katara leaned in and whispered something inaudible in Toph’s here. The earthbender’s eyes widened before an excited smile appeared on her face. She stepped closer to (Y/N) until their toes were touching.

“(Y/N), could you tell me why I can feel two heartbeats inside of you?” (Y/N) squinted her eyes in confusion.

“Toph, what are you talking about?” She looked up at Katara, who bit her lip to hide her smile. Suddenly, it clicked. “No way. You’re lying! Absolutely not.”

“I don’t lie!” Toph exclaimed. “Well, not like I used to. But this time I am 100 percent telling the truth.”

“It all makes sense!” Katara said. “Your weird cravings, your larger than normal appetite, your emotions, even throwing up this morning! You’re pregnant!”

(Y/N’s) head felt a bit woozy. “I might need to sit down,” she said.

“You’re already sitting.” Toph and Katara sat on the ground beside her. (Y/N) smiled at her friends.

“I’m really pregnant?”

“Really,” Toph confirmed. (Y/N) felt her eyes fill with tears of happiness. Her entire life, she had always wanted a child, and to think that she might have a little her or a little Zuko in the future made her heart swell with joy.

“I have to tell Zuko,” She said. “Oh no, Zuko! He and I haven’t even talked about having kids yet. What if he-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Katara said as she helped up a hand. “Zuko absolutely adores you. I can’t imagine that he’ll be anything other than excited.”

“He loves you more than you loved those sea prunes last night,” Toph said. (Y/N) put her face in her hands and rubbed at her cheeks.

“Okay, I’m going to tell him.” She got to her feet and her friends followed her out of the bathroom.

“What are you going to say?” Katara asked as they walked down the hall. (Y/N) shrugged.

“I’m probably going to just wing it. It hasn’t failed me yet.”

“I feel like I can name a few times-” Toph began, but Katara hushed her.

(Y/N) walked out into the courtyard where the rest of their friends had gathered. The early morning sun was hot that day, so the servants had prepared watermelon juice and other cold items to keep their friends cool. Being from the Fire Nation, (Y/N) and Zuko had no problem with the heat.

Zuko’s face lit up as he saw her exit the house. “Hey! How are you-” She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him toward the beach, stopping on a cool portion of sand. The waves lapped at their feet as (Y/N) turned to face him. She inhaled a deep breath as Zuko stared at her, obviously confused by the morning’s events.

“I’m pregnant.” The expressions on Zuko’s face went from worry, to confusion, to shock, and (Y/N) could feel the nervousness creeping up within her, but she shoved it down. “Toph confirmed it. She said she could feel two heartbeats and Katara said that explained why I had been acting so weird. And I know we haven’t talked about it, and I don’t know if we’re ready, but--”

Zuko covered her mouth with his hand to get her to stop talking. “We’re having a baby?”

(Y/N) felt her eyes well with tears. She had known happiness before, but being here with Zuko and seeing the excitement on his face as he said “We” made her heart explode. She nodded quickly and Zuko pulled her into himself, burying his face into her neck.

“We’re going to have a family,” He whispered, and she could feel his tears dripping onto her neck. Both of them had had less than great families. Knowing that they were making one of their own with their love of their life made them both emotional.

“I’m going to be an uncle!” Sokka exclaimed, pumping his fist into the air. Zuko and (Y/N) looked up to find all of their friends sitting at the top of the steps, eavesdropping on their conversation. “Can I be the godfather?” Sokka asked. Katara snorted.

“You can barely take care of yourself! How are you going to take care of a baby?”

“Simple,” Sokka said. “I’ll just strap it onto my back when I go into battle.”

“Do you think it’ll like to go windsurfing?” Aang asked.

“Maybe it can visit Kyoshi Island and ride the giant koi!” Suki exclaimed.

“I just hope it doesn’t cry as much as Twinkle Toes.” Toph muttered.

(Y/N) looked up at Zuko, who beamed down at her. They had their own little family, with their friends, and they knew that their baby would be loved so much.

---

Tag List!

@beifongsss @musicalkeys , @aroyaldarknessblr , @itsivyberry , @harryisthesunshine , @coldlilheart ,

#writing #fanfiction #zuko x reader #sokka x reader #aang x reader #katara #sokka #aang #toph #zuko #azula #iroh #momo #appa #atla #avatar #the last airbender

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dianapana · 3 years

Text

SH Day 3- Addicted to your touch

Day 3 – Addicted to your touch Separation Anxiety

WARNING: MENTAL ILLNESS

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, the advice I gave in this piece might be very faulty, please take it with a grain of salt.

Modern AU, OOC

@sasuhinamonth

It all started small, when one day Sasuke announced that he’d be gone for 2 weeks due to work, the news alone made Hinata’s heartache but she smiled and wished him good luck on the project and a safe trip. Each day the feeling of missing him would grow and grow and grow until it was too big for her body to contain, and the feeling turned to pain. Her longing made her physically sick by the end of the second week.

The next stage was composed of excessive calls and texts, Hinata constantly needed to know where he was, what he was doing, whenever he’d take too long to reply the longing would come back and she’d either sink into sadness or lose herself to anger, both feelings she had not experienced much since dating Sasuke. Whenever he’d reply after a longer break, she’d ask him to come over to her house and stay the night.

That was the case on August 3rd. Sasuke came straight to her house after a long day at the office and Hinata ran to hug him, all of the negative feelings almost forgotten the moment she laid her eyes on him. His touch alone made all of her worries disappear. That was the feeling of home, in his arms.

They spent the night normally, eating dinner while watching a movie, changing and going to bed because they both had work in the morning. The issue came with the sunrise, for Hinata refused to let him leave. She cried and begged and screamed the moment he brought up work, she tore his shirt apart reasoning that he couldn’t go to work without one. The moment the white fabric hit the ground; silence fell over the room. Both of them were shocked, unable to speak due to her outburst of emotions.

Her cried aggravated, she fell to her knees and crawled to where he was, hugging his waist, apologizing over and over again. Sasuke was in deep thought, remembering all the small signs over the past month and a half. It hurt him to think that he had hurt her in any way to drive her to this moment, he patted her hair lovingly, took a deep breath and said in a broken voice “I think there’s something wrong Hina”

She looked at him with big round eyes, they were glossy and red, she blinked and looked down at the floor. “There might be…” Sasuke picked her up by her armpits and placed her in his lap, continuing to run his hand through her hair. He continued doing so until she calmed down and fell asleep, her emotions must have exhausted her. He didn’t move her from his lap for fear of waking her up, however, he picked up his phone from the nightstand and send Itachi a message telling him that he will not be going to work, he proceeded to text Kurenai as well informing her of Hinata’s absence at work too.

He spent the following few hours reading about similar situations, which mostly led to the same piece of advice, that a specialist was needed. So, he went on to search for therapists in Konoha, texting them all, asking whether any of them were free that day, two of them didn’t reply, another one was full for the week and could only see them next Wednesday, thankfully the last one agreed to meet with them after closing hours at 8:30.

Having all of that plan, all he needed to do was find a way to approach the topic when talking to Hinata, she had to agree that paying a visit to therapy would do them both good. Hinata had been asleep for about two hours now, so Sasuke took the liberty to move her onto her side of the bed and go to the kitchen to make some food for when she’d get up.

He managed to make scrambled eggs and toast and was about to go and wake her up when a cry of distress came from their room. He hurried to her side, Hinata was holding onto his pillow on the verge of tears.

“You weren’t here when I woke up” Her voice was meek and trembling. “I could hear movement in the kitchen, I knew you were there. So why, why does your absence hurt this much, despite me knowing you are here?”

He wished he had the answer, but he didn’t. He moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed, cupping her face with one hand, slowly brushing the skin under her eye with his thumb. Sasuke leaned in slowly to hiss her nose, cheek, forehead and finally the corner of her mouth. “I think to find out why, we might need some help from the outside” he closed his eyes and sighed, his breath fanning over her lips. “I talked to a man named Iruka, he’s a therapist and agreed to meet with us later today, would you be open to this idea?”

-------------

Hinata looked at him, searching his eyes and expression for any malice or negative feelings, but there was none, his openness and desire to help led her to agree to his plan, maybe they did need help.

“From what you’ve told me, this is a severe case of separation anxiety,” Iruka said, he looked kind and bore no ill feelings, Hinata had been afraid of the judgmental look he’d give her after hearing about her actions, but his eyes remained warm and understanding. “This usually manifests itself in small children, they are afraid to part from their caregivers even for a moment. In certain cases, it is believed it could appear in pregnant women as well, and usually the caregiver is their partner. Is there any possibility of this being true?”

Both Sasuke and Hinata’s eyes opened wider at the word pregnant, there was most certainly a possibility of that. They were always careful while having sex, however, Hinata was not on birth control, for they affected her badly whenever she took them as a teen so their method of contraception were condoms alone. There’s always the possibility of one breaking, a faulty one, or just them being part of the 0.01% of the population for which condoms did not work perfectly.

-------------

“I suggest you take a pregnancy test as well. As I mentioned, this is known to happen now and again so do not worry too much; however, this anxiety can affect you negatively” Iruka continued while looking at Hinata “the best way to deal with this is steady growth. In the early stages constant contact is preferred. Think of this as building up trust once again. Constant reassurance is important, always keeping promises, separation needs to happen slowly over time; from constant touch to simply being in the same room but at a safe distance, then being in separate rooms, then Hinata being alone but in a familiar and comfortable space for short periods of time. Of course, this process takes months. For some women the anxiety dies down with the birth, for others in continues after but through steady built of trust it can disappear”

They followed Iruka’s advice and went to Hinata’s gyno the next day and Iruka’s assumption proved to be true, Hinata was indeed pregnant in week 7. They were currently in the first stage of their trust-building, being in the same room, always touching. Hinata sat in his lap while they watched a movie, they held hands whenever they were outside, they’d keep bumping feet under the table as they ate. Sasuke had basically moved into her apartment, neither of them went to work. Sasuke was able to do most of his job remotely, however, Hinata applied for medical time off. Everything was going great, Hinata no longer experienced that painful longing, however, her pregnancy turned out to be a quite difficult one, as soon as they found out she was indeed pregnant, her morning sickness started, she had constant back pain and her appetite was very volatile. They’d often wake up in the middle of the night and drive around the city to find one of her cravings. During a particularly bad night 2 months after, her craving for watermelon in the winter proved difficult, to add to the issue her back pain was excruciating so she could not stay in the car for however long it would take them to find watermelon.

“Do you think…you would be all right if you stayed here and I went to find it for you…?” they had barely moved on from the ‘always touching’ stage, the process was slow but it was there.

“I…don’t know…”

“What do you want me to do Hina? You can’t even sit up properly, being in the car for maybe an hour would we awful, but being here alone would too…but it’s unwise to not follow your cravings either” He was spiralling, the situation was stressful and all he wanted was to be able to help her, he wanted to take her pain away, he wanted to give her everything she’d ever want and more.

“I think, I will be fine” Hinata finally said after thinking for a bit longer. Almost in slow motion, he nodded, ‘ok, ok, ok’ he murmured to himself as he put his winter coat over his pyjamas and stood on the bed to put his boots on. “I’ll go find you watermelon, ok? I will be back as soon as I can. I love you” he kissed her cheek and then the top of her head. She smiled and waved, but the moment his back turned to her, her smile wavered. Would she really be ok…?

Sasuke ran down the stairs to the car, he wanted to be away for as little as possible. He pulled out of the driveway and sped up as much as possible. Firstly, he’d look at the local non-stop supermarket, at the ‘exotic’ or ‘out of season’ shelf, if it wasn’t there he’d go to the local Korean market and buy some watermelon flavoured things, just in case there was nothing else anywhere; before he could think of where he’d go next his phone rang. Seeing Hinata’s name he answered immediately.

“come back…please” she was trying not to cry, he could hear it. He did an illegal U-turn and sped even more towards their apartment “I’m coming, I’ll be there in 5 minutes” Hinata replied with an ‘ok’ however she didn’t hang up, she needed to at least be on the line with him. Sasuke didn’t hang up either, not when we pulled into the driveway, not when he stopped the car, nor when he ran up the stairs. He only hung up when Hinata was in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, I thought I could, but you left and I…” she was sobbing so hard it was even difficult to understand her. “It’s ok, it’s not your fault, we moved too fast. Iruka said it’s slow. It’s no problem Hina, we can just start over” If her constantly touching him was what made her feel safe, he’d hold her close until she was ready. No more rushing of things. Once Hinata calmed down, Sasuke called Itachi.

“I’m sorry to wake you up but I need some help…could you look for some watermelon?”

#sasuhinamonth #sasuhina #sasuhina fanfic #shmonth #sasuke #hinata #hinata hyuuga #susake uchiha #hyuuga #uchiha #dia story #diawrites #naruto #day3

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spine-buster · 3 years

Text

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 33

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this one...⛪️

August 7th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was nervous as fuck.

It was Game 4, less than 24 hours after giving up a 3-0 lead, and the Leafs were on the brink of elimination. The boys were quiet. Focused. Only had one thing on their mind. They didn’t want to leave the bubble. They wanted to prove everybody wrong – everybody. Their coaches. Their bosses. Their fans. Their haters. The media. Themselves. This was their opportunity to show everybody what they could do.

Aberdeen couldn’t even think about it without trembling. She never in a million years thought hockey would make her feel this way. It didn’t help the love of her life was a major part of it. And it didn’t help that Alec had texted her early this morning.

Looks like the boys might cost you a writing job if they get eliminated early. Not many shenanigans to get up to in, what, ten days? Article might be a bust.

I’ll have 10,000 words written for you as promised was what she texted back. She didn’t want to stroke his ego, play along with his games, or have him think she wasn’t going to produce just because he thought they might leave early. It didn’t matter to her. Even if they did leave early, she could still do it. She knew she could. She knew she had to, because she couldn’t blow this opportunity.

They morning had been anxiety-ridden at best. She hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep, tossing and turning after getting off the phone with William, and then because of the text, she was barely eating breakfast. Apparently, it was noticeable to the boys, because John had come over to her table and brought her a plate stacked fruit. “If we can eat, you can eat,” he said as he set it in front of her. Mitch ended up coming to sit across from her at the table, and John took the other seat. William approached, standing six feet away, and Auston too. They were congregating, which made her even more nervous.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, forking a strawberry and putting it into her mouth reluctantly. “You guys aren’t nervous?” she posed the question to all of them.

John shrugged. “We know what we need to do. We just have to go out there and do it.”

Aberdeen didn’t know how he could be so calm, as the captain of the team. Then again, he was John fucking Tavares, and calm seemed to be his middle name. She nodded her head. “I don’t mean to be a nervous wreck. I’m just not used to playoff hockey, as you can imagine. This is all new. I never knew I could feel this way about a sport.”

That made John laugh a bit. “Not about a sport, but definitely about a book, right?”

She couldn’t help but smile slightly as she forked at a piece of watermelon. “Definitely about a book.”

“How’s the article coming along?” William asked.

Aberdeen almost dropped her fork on her plate. All the guys turned their heads towards him at the same time skeptically, then towards her at the same time, their eyebrows furrowed. Her body felt like it was on fire. She hadn’t told anybody about the article – except William, of course. She assumed Brendan sort-of-kind-of knew since he set her up for it, but she hadn’t said anything to him. William was the only one who knew. Her cheeks flushed red.

“What article?” Mitch asked, turning his head back and forth between the two of them once more.

“Yeah, what article?” Auston asked.

“It uh, it’s—um, it’s a thing for Toronto Life,” Aberdeen stuttered out.

“Toronto Life?!” Mitch repeated excitedly.

“Yeah,” she nodded slowly. “Brendan uh, Brendan put me up for it. It’s, like…an audition. I don’t know.”

“An audition? So like if it’s good they’ll publish it?” Mitch kept asking questions.

“Basically, yeah.”

“Well what’s it about?”

Aberdeen gulped. “Um, life in the bubble.”

The boys looked taken aback for a brief moment. She knew they were trying to hold back the emotion, but she could see it in their eyes. She wondered if they were thinking the worst now. She wondered if Auston was looking at her and thinking that all she wanted to do in this bubble was get a scoop like Steve Simmons. She wondered if Mitch was looking at her and thinking that she was going to write some scathing article about how he was being paid $10.8 million to not show up in the playoffs, like most articles were saying. She prepared for the worst, honestly. She really did. Because she knew these guys had been betrayed before. She knew the media were constantly down their throats. She knew all they wanted was a little reprieve from that. And now, someone they knew, someone they worked with – someone they trusted completely – was writing something about life in the bubble? When she was in the bubble with them?

“Life in the bubble, huh? So, like how we play video games the entire day ‘cause we can’t do anything else in here?” Mitch asked.

Her stomach was in knots. But that follow-up from Mitch was definitely not was she was expecting. Truth be told, she didn’t know what she was expecting – anger, maybe? Caution? Suspicion? – but it definitely wasn’t Mitch saying that. “Something like that,” she said. “I’m trying to, like, capture how hard it is for you guys to be in here. How hard it is to be away from your families. How you guys are…you know, human, and not just hockey players.”

Mitch smiled. “I think it’s gonna be a great article, then.”

“How’d William know?” Auston asked. “How’d he know before any of us?”

William knew he had to think fast. “I saw her writing it the other day when we went out to the gym,” he said. He had approached her on the sidelines that day for a brief minute or two, during a break in his workout, so if anyone was paying attention and saw them, it was an entirely plausible scenario. “She told me what she was writing.”

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Auston asked him.

“Because it was Aberdeen’s news to tell, not mine,” William said.

Auston looked towards Aberdeen. “You’re not writing, like, gossip about us, are you?” he asked.

“Auston, what the fuck—” William began.

“Buddy—” Mitch intervened.

“Hey now—” John piped up.

“No no, it’s fine,” she waved the boys off, staring directly at Auston. She knew exactly where Auston was coming from. She knew he trusted her. He admitted so during the phone call when his Covid-19 story became national news. She knew she had to be one hundred percent honest with him if he was going to have no qualms or suspicions about this article. “They want me to. They want me to write about shenanigans. The stereotypical stuff. But I’m not. I refuse to. I wouldn’t…you guys know I wouldn’t do that to you. And I mean…I—I haven’t told them yet that I refuse to pander to that shit, but they’ll know when they get my article.”

Auston’s entire demeanour softened at her words. It was like his entire body relaxed. He knew – he always knew – he just needed the affirmation. But then he realized what that meant. “But then what happens if you don’t get the job because you don’t give them what they want?” he asked.

Aberdeen shrugged. “Then I have keep looking for writing jobs at other magazines.”

Then and there, he realized what was on the line for Aberdeen.

***

As Aberdeen wallowed in her room, she was nervous. As she showered before the game, she was nervous. As she did her hair, she was nervous. As she got dressed, she was nervous. As she opened her door and walked out into the hallway, meeting some of the guys, she was nervous. When she got off the bus and the team went one way while she, Brendan, and Kyle went another, she clutched at her iPad pro. She looked at the boys one last time, catching Willy’s eye, before the disappeared down the hallway, where no doubt a photographer was waiting to get pictures of their outfits before they went into the locker room.

As she sat in the box with Brendan and Kyle, as always, she saw Brendan look her way. “Don’t even think about asking me how it’s gonna go tonight,” she said before he could even open his mouth.

He held his hands up in front of him. “Excuuuuuuse me.”

“I’m so nervous. I barely ate today,” she elaborated.

“Somebody get Aberdeen a Coca Cola,” he called out to no-one in particular. “She’s gonna need the sugar and the caffeine or else she’ll crash by the third period.”

She couldn’t believe how light-hearted he was being. She didn’t know if it was some type of coping mechanism or if it was because he was generally in a good mood. “How can you be so…calm? Such a jokester?”

Brendan shrugged. “If I was doom and gloom all the time, I wouldn’t still be president.”

***

Aberdeen was on the verge of tears.

Cam Atkinson had scored in the first period. Vladislav Gavrikov scored in the second period. Her heart was heavy. Her stomach was in knots. And now, the impossible: she was watching Jason Spezza fighting. The last person who should be fighting. A part of her understood what he was doing, somewhat – trying to fire up the guys – but the other part of her kept asking why the fuck does he have to do this? Where the fuck are they? Why aren’t they playing? WHY AREN’T THEY PLAYING?!

“I can’t believe they’re fucking doing this to him,” she mumbled under her breath through gritted teeth as she watched Jason skate off the ice. Her knuckles were white for how tightly her hands were in fists in front of her mask. Her leg was bouncing uncontrollably. She couldn’t believe what was happening.

“What was that?” Brendan asked, apparently hearing her, his own voice indiscernible but also just…void of any emotion.

She glanced at him quickly before shaking her head. “Nothing.” She looked over at Kyle. She couldn’t tell what he was feeling, either. What was it with these men and being so stoic?

She pressed the palms of her hands together and intertwined her fingers. “God, if you love me…” she began, mumbling into her hands. “If you love me, God, don’t let them go out like this. Not. Like. This.”

***

Boone Jenner scored in the third period. It was 3-0. This was it.

Aberdeen had to come to terms with the fact that they were leaving early. She had to come to terms with the fact that the boys would lose, again. They’d be out of the bubble. She knew that was probably a silver lining, but these guys so desperately just wanted to play hockey and play hockey and win, and for them to crash out like this was just going to be the worst. They’d never hear the end of it. Bee McTavish told her about last year, about how they lost to the Boston Bruins in Game 7 and how hard it was on the boys, particularly Morgan, and how awful the media was to them, and Aberdeen didn’t want to think about what the media would say now. She didn’t want to think about what they’d say about Fred. About Mitch. About Morgan. About John.

About William.

But just as Aberdeen came out of her thoughts, she noticed something weird on the ice. It wasn’t the regular line out there. Sheldon was doing something different. It was…well, it seemed to be the nuclear option. ��All the top goal scorers were on the ice. William, Mitch, Zach, Auston, and John. Hustling all over the ice. Passing the puck. Shooting at the net.

And then, with just less than four minutes left, William scored.

Aberdeen jumped out of her seat and screamed. The boys celebrated briefly, but they knew more work needed to be done. She looked over at Brendan, who wasn’t blinking as he looked down at the ice. She looked at Kyle, who wasn’t blinking either.

“Please God…please…” she whispered to herself.

Sheldon kept out the nuclear option. They were young. They could do it.

John Tavares scored only forty seconds later.

“Holy fucking shit,” Aberdeen stood up from her seat, saying her words loud enough for Brendan and Kyle to hear. “Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.”

She barely breathed a single breath for the next two and a half minutes. She was standing with her hands over her mouth over her mask and her body was completely still as she watched every move on the ice like a hawk.

William, to Auston, to Zach, who scored to tie it at 3-3.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!” she screamed as the boys really celebrated on the ice now. She banged her fists on the counter in front of her as she watched Zach jump on top of William as all the boys on the ice huddled together excitedly. She swore she heard some happy swears from Kyle, and she definitely heard some happy swears from the extra players who were sitting in the seats right below them where the seat covers ended. She barely remembered the period ending.

“They’re gonna fucking do it,” she said to no-one in particular. “They’re gonna fucking do it. They’re gonna make a comeback.”

Everything was a blur as Aberdeen sat back down into her seat. The overtime period. The lines. The minutes. She felt like she was in the twilight zone – some alternate universe where time stood still and nothing else mattered besides hockey. Not even just hockey – nothing else mattered besides this game and what was happening right here, right now. Seven minutes into overtime, Morgan drew a tripping penalty. An enraged Nick Foligno was sent to the penalty box. The puck dropped. It was passed. Marner to Tavares. Tavares to Matthews.

Auston let it rip and scored.

“WHAT!!!!! WHAT!!!!!” Aberdeen screamed louder than she ever had in her life as she jumped up from her seat like a rocket and threw the pen she was holding out into the stands. She began pumping her fist in front of her and pointing out onto the ice. “THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, BABY! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” she shrieked, her jaw somewhere between her face and the floor but her smile taking up her entire face. Then came the excited, can’t-believe-what-I-just-witnessed high pitched uncontrollable laughs. She looked over to Brendan and Kyle. They were stoic. She liked to believe they already freaked out and she missed it.

“Down 3-0 in the third period!” she screamed at them. “Down 3-0 in the third period! Can you believe it?!”

“What are you doing waiting up here? Go down there,” Brendan said, nodding his head towards the exit.

Aberdeen bolted out of the box and rushed towards the locker room as quickly as her feet could take her. Once she got there, she saw the boys filing in, screaming ‘Woooo!’s and ‘Let’s fucking go, baby!’s. William entered the locker room first. He noticed her standing in the room almost immediately and rushed over to her.

She held her breath.

He picked her up and spun her around, causing her to squeal until he set her down. He was wet and sweaty and she could see the droplets of sweat dripping down his face but God if he didn’t look incredible and like the perfect human specimen. “Let’s gooooo!” he screamed once he set her down.

“Let’s gooooo!” she repeated, noticing more of the boys make their way in. Clifford. Spezza. Kerfoot. Barrie. Kasperi. Hyman. Engvall. Rielly. Tavares. Holl. Dermott. Everybody. Everybody. They all came in screaming and did the exact same thing that William did, lifting her up and spinning her around excitedly as they continued to scream and go their stalls and start stripping in front of her. They probably weren’t allowed to do that – they definitely weren’t allowed to do that, be that close together – but it didn’t matter right now. Nobody cared.

“You guys gave me a fucking heart attack!” she yelled at them, clutching her heart as she looked around the room at all of them. She saw a couple of them giggling as they undid their hockey tape and threw it into the garbage.

“Wouldn’t have been a Leafs series without one!” Morgan joked.

Sheldon walked into the room and high-fived Aberdeen. Then Auston walked in and the boys started screaming and yelling all over again. “Let’s fucking goooo, Aberdeen!” he screamed as he picked her up too, one last twirl, before setting her down. “Let’s fucking go, baby!” he screamed to everyone in the room.

It was at that point that Brendan and Kyle walked into the room. Aberdeen composed herself as much as possible as she faded into the background, watching Sheldon give his post-game speech. Everybody looked so happy. So excited.

They could fucking do this.

***

Aberdeen was typing like a furious mad woman in the Notes on her phone. She wanted to write – needed to write all the authentic feelings that were in the air right now as she waited on the bus for everyone. She needed to remember this moment. Every single detail of it. What was said. What was heard. The smiles. The spins. How she was still dizzy.

“Hey Aberdeen! You made it on to TV!” Mitch yelled from the middle of the bus.

Everyone’s head popped up, and she watched as all the guys already on the bus took off their headphones. “What?!” she shrieked.

“They caught you celebrating in the box!” he said, turning his phone and showing her the video.

Aberdeen heard all of the boys get up out of their seats and crowd behind her to watch the video. She noticed the Sportsnet logo on the bottom of screen first and foremost, then listened as she heard the announcers describing the scene, which they replayed in slow fucking motion. “I think that young lady is indicative of most of Leafs Nation right now!” she heard Jim Hughson’s voice as the video showed her jumping up from her seat and throwing her pen. The boys behind her were howling as they watched, and when she began pumping her fist in front of her, they laughed some more. Slightly embarrassed, Aberdeen buried her head in her hands and shook her head. “It’s always me! Why is it always me that gets caught doing these things?!”

“The camera loves you, Aberdeen!” Mitch giggled.

“It happens to all the wives and girlfriends at some point,” Morgan said as most of the guys went back to their seats on the bus.

“But I’m not a wife. Or a girlfriend!”

She could tell Morgan was smiling behind his mask. “Not yet,” he mumbled to himself, shrugging.

Aberdeen turned red. She sat back down in her seat and continued typing away on her phone furiously, making sure nobody saw her skin hue.

***

It was only when everybody got back to the hotel when Aberdeen had to stop typing, but by then, she was sure she’d gotten every feeling. Everybody was still buzzed as they rode two at a time in the elevator up to their floor, and she could still feel the energy even when she was bottled up in her room – like everybody else – and it was eerily silent after just having been so loud.

She had just finished changing into her pajamas when she heard her phone buzz. She knew it was William texting, so she grabbed her phone immediately, ready for his request to FaceTime.

open ur door really slowly so it doesn’t make any noise

Her eyes bulged out of her head. She set her phone down and rushed over to her door, not bothering to look out the peephole, but doing exactly what she was told. She opened it slowly, carefully, making sure not to make a peep. She looked out into the hallway, down to the other wing, and saw William’s head popping out of his own room. He rushed out, closing the door quietly before rushing over to her wing.

“William,” she whispered. Her heart was beating out of her chest. He was not allowed to do this. He was not allowed to do this. She watched as he made his way over. “William what are you—”

She was silenced by his slipping past her and into her room, putting his hand over hers to shut the door slowly so it didn’t make a clicking sound. When it was closed, she tried one more time. “Willy—”

Her attempt was futile. He crashed his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her as he squeezed her against his body, so much so that he could lift her up in his arms and she could wrap her legs around his torso. He stuck his tongue down her throat. She moaned out at the sensation before realizing that he was walking them into her bathroom – her bathroom that faced the open area in front of the elevators, and not facing or sharing a wall with her room neighbour. He kicked the door closed with his foot before setting her down on the marble vanity sink, her legs still wrapped around his body keeping him close.

“Take this off,” he mumbled as he tugged violently at her pajama shirt, almost ripping it as she shoved her off her body and threw it across the bathroom. She pulled on his t-shirt too, throwing it in the same direction as they crashed their lips against each other’s again.

“We’re not supposed to be doing this,” she whispered out after he bit down on her bottom lip and pulled it away from her. “You’re not supposed to be in my room. We’re breaking the rules.”

“Isn’t that half the fun?” he quipped, a small smirk on his face. Aberdeen could feel her body get hot – hotter than it already was. This was so wrong. So wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be in her room. They weren’t supposed to be touching. They weren’t supposed to be kissing. They weren’t supposed to be doing any of it, yet here Aberdeen was, her body heating up and her core getting even hotter. She scratched her nails down William’s broad and toned chest as he kissed a trail down her neck and to her breasts, sucking and biting down at her nipples gently, causing her to gasp out.

He immediately put his hand over her mouth. Her eyes went wide. He looked up at her from where he was at her breasts. “You can’t be too loud or else we’ll get caught.”

Oh my fucking God. Now she really felt her body light up like a fire. She whimpered slightly. “But Willy—” she tried to mumble against his hand.

“Shhhh…” he cooed. “Can you be quiet, Aberdeen? Can you be quiet while I fuck you?” He was waiting for an answer. She felt a shiver run up her spine. She nodded her head. “That’s my girl.”

William continued paying attention to her breasts before kissing his way back up to her lips and sticking his tongue down her throat again. Aberdeen ran her fingers through his hair and tugged on it slightly before scratching down his back and pulling down his trackpants and underwear. He did the same to her, letting his fingers play with the wet folds of her pussy until he heard whimpers from her again. “Quiiiiiet, Aberdeen,” he cooed once more, bringing his hand that was just playing with her pussy up to her lips.

She grabbed his hand in both her hands and sucked his fingers into her mouth. “I’m not going to be able to,” she whispered, shaking her head.

William pulled her off the marble vanity, grabbing her hips and spinning her around so her back was against his chest. They were able to see each other through the mirror. Aberdeen watched as William’s hand snaked around her body and down to her hot core again. “You’re going to have to be quiet or we’ll get caught,” he whispered huskily in her ear as he played with her core again. Her legs were shaking at the feeling. She gripped on to the vanity.

“Fuck me raw, Willy,” she begged. She had her own tricks up her sleeve. If William was going to play this game, she was going to play hers. She watched his reaction in the mirror and could see his pupils dilate. “I started birth control. It’s okay.”

“You what?”

“I started birth control a month ago. It was supposed to be a surprise but—”

“—Aberdeen—”

“—Please Willy,” she begged, her voice breathless. She could feel his hard cock against her body and was so desperate for it, she didn’t care how wrong this was. “Fuck me raw. Fuck. Me. Raw.”

He bent her over the vanity. She stuck her ass out and kept her eyes on him through the mirror, watching as he positioned himself at her entrance, sliding into her easily. She cried out at the sensation, feeling his hand almost automatically cover her mouth to silence her. When he began moving in and out of her, the sound of their flesh smacking together, she didn’t know if she should close her eyes to revel in the feeling of his slick, hard cock filling her up, or if she should keep her eyes open to watch him fucking her hard and fast through the mirror. She chose the latter. She and William had had many sexual escapades before (sexcapades, if you will), but nothing had been as hot or as raw or as dangerous as this was. The exhilaration of doing a completely banned act – banned since they figured out they were working together, even more so banned now – was giving her the ultimate rush.

His hand was still over her mouth as she arched her back and William pulled her back against his chest. She could feel herself getting close, and when William’s other hand snaked around once more to play with her clit, she tried to cry out but couldn’t. “Are you gonna be quiet when I make you cum?”

She shook her head. “I won’t. I can’t.”

He thrusted into her harder, trying to make a point. She whimpered again and his hand somehow tightened around her mouth. “Are you gonna be quiet?” he asked again. She looked at him through the mirror, seeing the absolute fire in his eyes. She knew what he was looking for. She knew he would tease her and tease her and tease her until she agreed to what he was asking. She nodded slowly. He smiled. “Good.”

He quickened his pace, harder and faster and rougher than before, and Aberdeen continued to watch them fucking through the mirror until she could feel closer and closer to her sweet release. Eventually, her legs began to shake, and she could feel an intense orgasm rush through every single inch of her body. She tried to stay as quiet as possible, but the feeling was too much, and her whimpers escaped her, though they were much quieter than the usual vocal performances she usually gave when she and William had sex, and though William still had his hand over her mouth. At the sound of her stifled whimpers she could feel William’s hot cum spill inside her. The feeling was hot and raw and simultaneously everything she imagined it would be and feel like but also completely new and unlike anything she could have ever expected. His own small grunts escaped his mouth as he felt himself empty inside of her, revelling in the feeling of filling her completely. He eventually let go of her mouth, and her body bent over against the marble vanity again, unable to stand up straight due to the long, intense orgasm. He tried to catch his breath as he continued to watch her body shake, the last of her orgasm rushing through her. He could see her chest rising and falling from her trying to catch her breath.

It was a few minutes before Aberdeen and William could regain their breaths. He slipped out of her slowly, and she whimpered again at the loss of him, still bent over the vanity, though she could still feel a slickness between her thighs. She felt his body bend too, his chest on her back, and felt him kiss her shoulders delicately. She craned her neck to get a look at him. “I better get a writing job soon. I don’t think we’re gonna be able to hold it back for much longer,” she whispered.

William giggled – a low, rumbly giggle from his chest as he smiled and continued placing kisses on her shoulder. “I agree,” he whispered back. “We gotta make sure you get that Toronto Life job.”

She bit her lip. “Did it feel good for you?”

He nodded. “Of course. What about for you? Did it feel different?”

“It felt fucking amazing,” she nodded. “It…it did feel different. I…you’re the first one I’ve ever let fuck me raw,” she admitted.

William nodded in understanding. He knew what she was really saying – that this was, at least physically, the ultimate form of trust, and he was the only one in her life, ever, who she trusted that much. “We can keep doing whatever you’re more comfortable with,” he said.

“I liked this. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back,” she giggled slightly.

William smiled. He pulled her back upright and, at that point, she could stand on her own again. She spun around so she was facing him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to kiss him. They stood in her bathroom kissing for a while until William pulled away slightly. “I love you so much,” he mumbled.

“I love you too.”

“Sorry I made you break the rules…yet again,” he smiled mischievously.

Aberdeen winked. “Isn’t that half the fun?”

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