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whattraintracks · 3 months

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22. Puzzling - TMNT 2012

Don't worry, guys, that wasn't supposed to happen.

When the bit of Kraang tech he's examining (read: poking randomly in the hopes that something will happen) explodes, Donatello's not sure if he or Raphael shrieks louder. He thinks it's Raph. Which would be way funnier under different circumstances.

He blinks against sooty particulates. "Huh, well, that wasn't supposed to happen."

He's amid a cloud of unexpectedly thick, slightly pink smoke. Which is on-brand but frankly annoying. He waves at the air in a vain attempt to disperse it. Maybe he can move this operation to the kitchen, work under the exhaust hood. He should probably install one in here. He gives up flailing his arms, and backs away from the desk. Step one to solving any problem is getting some distance. Step two is—oh, that's weird. The cloud doesn't seem to have moved since the initial explosion. What kind of particles are these? He hasn't seen Kraang tech do this before.

The moment he remembers Raph is also the moment he trips over him. With a yelp, he hits the ground. Hard. Raph giggles. Rude. He's going to have at least two bruises tomorrow. And his scream was definitely louder than Raph's, so he's lost any right to make fun.

"Dude," Donnie groans, pushing to his feet. At least he's away from the Kraang smoke, "Why'd you trip me?"

"I don't know," comes the high-pitched reply, "Why're you so big?"

By the time his eyes clear, he's pretty sure it's a genuine question, not an insult about his height. It makes more sense once he looks down, down, down to find Raph miniaturised.

Donnie throws his hands to his head. "That wasn't supposed to happen, either!" Raph just giggles again.

"Leo!"

As far as they can tell, based on Raph's appearance and memories, he's about five. Donnie can't even remember being that young. Which he counts as a good thing because kids are weird. Or maybe that's just mutant turtle kids. He doesn't have experience with normal children to establish a baseline. Leo and Sensei do, though, and they seem unperturbed by Raph's behavior. Even Mikey takes the whole thing in stride. He is, in fact, absolutely thrilled and oscillates between gathering blackmail material and doing whatever Raph asks.

Donnie will admit he's having trouble making sense of it all. First, and he thinks he’s mentioned this, that was not supposed to happen. He can't figure out how a broken Kraang tech part without any detectable energy source could have caused something like this. Which naturally leads to the question of how he's meant to fix it. Raph has no idea what happened, either, so he's no help. Worse, he just might be the most confusing being Donnie has ever met. Take yesterday, for example.

He's not sure what time it is when he stumbles out of the lab for breakfast, so it might not technically be in the range of the day at which it is appropriate to call a meal breakfast. His brain is too full of viscous pink Kraang smoke to care. It must be some mealtime because everyone but Master Splinter is in the kitchen when he arrives. Leo is at the island supervising Raph and Mikey's mess-making by the stove.

Raph perks up, "Hey Donnie! I wanna tell you a question."

"Ask nicely, Raph," Leo reminds, hiding a smile behind the rim of his tea cup.

"Please, I wanna tell you a question." He barrels on, "How do you open your labrador?”

Open his what? Donnie stares at the space above Raph's head, trying to parse the question until a nudge from Leo resets his brain. "Say what?"

"Your labrador!" He flings his arms out, nearly knocking himself to the floor. Mikey catches the lip of his shell just in time.

“What Labrador? Raph, I don't have a—”

“Yeah, you do!” He's angry of a sudden. Of course, he is. But it's weird. It's not the first time Donnie's made him mad since the incident, but he's never gotten in anyone's face or stormed off with a huff. He just screeches until he gets whatever it is that he wants. It's Raph's anger, but it's not. “It’s how you get to the place you do all your smart stuff!"

Mikey swoops in, crouching to squeeze Raph gently, then translates, “He means the door to your lab, bro.”

“The door? Oh. Why would—?" Donnie sighs heavily, sinking into the stool next to Leo. “Raph, that’s the lab door,” he enunciates, “Not a Labrador. A Labrador is a dog breed."

Just like that, Raph's face unscrunches into something thoughtful. “So it’s not a labrador?”

Well, at least the exasperation is familiar. "I literally just said that. It’s a normal door.” Leo clicks at him warningly. Come on, what is he supposed to do here? Seriously, this feels surreal. Maybe this whole dialogue is a dream, and he's hunched over his desk right now. He straightens his shell to test for any worse-than-usual aching.

“Okay," Raph says. Then he turns around. Just like that. As if the entire conversation never happened. Never mind his original question or whatever he was trying to ask. He makes no sense, literally none at all.

But, you know what, fine. Donnie has to eat anyway so he can go back to the "place where he does all his smart stuff" or whatever. So he can figure out how to get his actual brother back, who at least makes sense most of the time.

Leo finishes his tea, returning Raph's enthusiastic wave goodbye, and then there are three. Mikey and Raph finally settle down to eat whatever noxious concoction they've whipped up as Donnie cleans his dishes. Freshly fed, his brain refills with extradimensional smoke and engineering.

"Well, that's boring!"

He fumbles with his mug at the sudden shout. A glance over his shoulder finds Raph, who had been eating quietly, now glaring at him.

“You should name that boring normal door Labrador so we can just call it that anyway," he says firmly.

He's not sure why he tries to ask, “Why would I—”

“Or or!" And it's like a switch again, anger suddenly dissipating. "We could name it something cooler! Like Thundoor from Crognard!”

“Thundarr,” He corrects. It's too late, Mikey's joins in.

“That’s awesome, little dude!" Mikey laughs buoyantly. "We should name all the furniture!”

“Yeah!”

And Donnie is so tired and so lost, and Raph is too much and too little of his brother at the same time it’s not even funny anymore. He doesn't think it ever was.

“Come one, Dee!" Mikey hoists Raph onto his shoulders, naturally content to ignore the messy kitchen. "Help Raphie and I name everything in the lair!”

Donnie tries to shake his head as Raph reaches for him. “Can you! Can you, please? Just for a little bit, please, Donnie, please?” Oh, now he recalls his manners.

"No, Raph." He bangs his mug onto the drying rack, ignoring Mikey's frown. "I don't have time for your nonsense questions and weird games. I'm trying to fix you."

It's not until he slams closed the lab door that the words trailing after his dramatic exit finally click. A puzzled sort of muttering from Raph: "Fix me? But I’m not broken."

So maybe he got a little too worked up, as tired as he was. But he's better now! He's eaten. He's slept five hours. He's determined to sit here until he cracks this thing.

And then someone bangs on the door.

He drops his head with a groan. How is he supposed to heroically solve all of their problems in these conditions? “Who is it, and what do you want," he shouts into the pages of his notebook.

"Once a second!"

One second, he mouths to himself. He listens to Raph struggle with the door for a lot of seconds and hopes he'll give up. He probably won't. Donnie better unlock it before he hurts himself. Or worse, starts screaming. Only because Leo would find some way to blame Donnie for it.

He shoves the door open, not at all irritated. Or vindicated either, when Raph falls on his shell and his sai skitter across the floor. Wait. “I thought Sensei took those out of your—Hey!”

Five-year-old Raph may not be much of a ninja but he is pretty slippery. He scrambles under Donnie's arm and launches into the rolling desk chair.

“Raphael." He glowers, summoning his inner Leo, "You are not allowed in the lab—”

“Without you,” he recites, spinning the chair so Donnie only catches glimpses of his cheeky smile. “But you’re here too! So it’s okay.”

It most definitely is not. Raph has no understanding of lab safety right now, so if Raph stays in here, then Donnie will have to keep an eye on him, and if Donnie has to watch Raph, then he can't focus on his work. He does not want Raph in here, and he says so.

“Donnie, I'll be so so so good. Please!” Oh, Mikey absolutely taught him how to do that with his eyes. Not cool, Mike.

“Raph," Donnie faux whines back. "I need to work. Go play with Leo or Mikey."

"Ugh," Raph flops onto his shell, letting his head and limbs hang. “But Sensei and Leo are medating, and Mikey’s with Red."

“Meditating," he corrects, "And I know you know her name is April.”

“Casey calls her Red.”

“Yeah, well, Casey’s a—” Raph looks at him with wide, innocent eyes. A promise on his face that anything Donnie says will be repeated. "It’s polite to call people by their name."

Raph hums, continuing to spin idly, “But I don't call you Donatello, I call you Donnie. And you call me Raph or sometimes Fai.”

Not a bad point. But what was that second thing? Fai? Oh. His brain retrieves fuzzy, forgotten memories. That's right. When they were both little, that had been his nickname for Raph. Just between the two of them. He can't remember when he stopped using it.

“Right," he says slowly. "But those are nicknames. They're a shorter version of your name.”

“Oh, okay.” Then Raph rolls out of the chair, clunking to the ground shell first, and wanders away to explore the lab.

Donnie retakes the seat, resigning himself to further interruptions. Part of his brain is devoted to thinking up better excuses in case this is one of those conversations Raph returns to without warning. The rest of his awareness is on Raph as he pokes and prods at books and equipment and even poor Timothy. It takes the better part of a half hour for him to realise he's still sitting at his desk not moving a muscle.

He growls, gripping his head. Raph is on him in an instant. "What's wrong? Can I help? Do you need a book? Do you want one of mine? I can get Leo! Or Sensei, or—"

"No," Donnie snaps.

He gapes as Raph's beak trembles and his eyes fill with tears. "You're crying. Why are you crying? Please stop crying." He slides to the floor next to Raph, "I'm sorry? It's just. I'm trying to focus! I need to fix you, but I don't—"

“I don’t want you to fix me!” He shouts, scrubbing his face and hiccupping. “I just want to play! Why won’t you play with me anymore?"

“Raph, I," Donnie looks down at his hands, "I don’t have time,” he finishes lamely.

“Yes, you do! You’re just being mean!” He runs out of the lab. Probably to someone who actually understands him. Someone who tries. Donnie wonders if he’ll ever stop messing things up for Raph.

Because as far as they can tell, this version of Raph went to bed one day, and the family he found upon waking was suddenly different. Of course, Raph is frustrated and confused and probably a little scared. He's not just normal Raph in a smaller body. Donnie might've realised that sooner if he'd spent more time with him instead of causing one mess after the other and then hiding from it all in his lab.

Donnie doesn't remember when he was five, but he's heard Sensei's stories about their childhood. The ones about his younger self hanging on Raph's every word. That one embarrassing retelling of the biggest fight Donnie ever caused by announcing Raph was his favorite brother. His father's memories of them doing everything together, at least until Donnie really got into science. So he steps out of the lab and locks it behind him. His brother, this brother, needs to come first.

He must look contrite enough that Leo only grills him a little before he points to Raph's room. After a single breath of indecision, he sits, shell against the door.

“Hey, Fai?” he starts, tugging at his fingers, “I’m really sorry. I have been pretty mean lately, haven’t I?” It takes a few moments, but a little thud echoes on the other side of the door.

Relieved, he continues, “I’m not as good at this as I used to be. I might need your help. But I’m out of my lab right now, and we can play whatever you want.”

Donnie hits the floor before he realises the door has swung open. Little Raph is looking down at him, eyes still watery but excited. "Really? Anything? Even Space Heroes!"

And Donnie almost can't believe it's that easy. He smiles with Raph's infectious joy. “Space Heroes? Who are you, Leo?”

Raph collapses into him with a laugh that banishes the rest of his tears as Donnie reaches out, tickling him just like he's seen their big brother do. He's still giggling when Donnie staggers to his feet. “Think I could use some bedding to build us the Dauntless?”

Raph cheers. Launching into an explanation of his favorite episodes and characters as he directs them around the lair to collect supplies. If this isn't blackmail material, Donnie doesn't know what is. Raph will never be able to deny that he likes Space Heroes ever again. Once Donnie figures out how to reverse this Kraang-smoke-induced de-aging that is.

He does still have to. They need Raph as he should be: their teammate, their protector, their equal. But if he were here in those roles right now, Donnie knows he would have heard a thousand times over that he needs to sleep, to eat, to take a break for at least five minutes, Don, come on.

So he'll try. He'll take breaks to hang out with his favorite brother. He'll get a lot of experience building sheet spaceships and pillow forts. And by the end of it all, Donnie will realise his little brother really does just want to play and ask silly questions that probably don’t seem so silly to him. He'll decide this little version of Raph isn't a puzzle of confusing emotions. He's the same pieces he's always been, unfiltered and untethered from all the pain and fear of their older selves.

And so, even after Raph returns to 16, whenever the thought creeps up on Donnie that he's not doing enough, that he needs to fix it. He'll lock his lab behind him and say, "Hey, Fai! Wanna play something?"

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captainjonnitkessler · 3 months

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I wrote out a long post about how exhausting it is to be online when everyone is so absolutely devoted to being negative about everything all the time. According to twitblr everything is the worst it's ever been, no victories have ever been achieved, and anyone who says otherwise or has any semblance of hope or joy in their lives is a naive idiot being manipulated by the vague yet menacing Ruling Class.

Then I didn't post it because I'm usually fine about receiving negative comments but I swear to fuck on this post in particular having someone try to dunk on me by telling me "actually everything IS the worst it's ever been and you're just a neoliberal cuck" WILL be the last fucking straw for me

#i'm not ready for the tumblr curse of 'post drawing the EXACT sort of person it was complaining about' to activate #i'll probably post it later though #maybe right before i go to bed. by the time i wake up in the morning negative comments on the internet will not affect me #because i'll remember i'm an adult with an actual job to do and the internet is a dumb fake place that doesn't matter #but yeah. being online has been pretty rough on me lately. have y'all ever considered just taking a W once in a while #without doomsaying about how it's actually nothing that will help no one and we all just have to die about it

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difeisheng · 6 months

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hi ash, i think i may have asked this before, but from one asian diaspora to another, i was wondering how, if you're able to, you keep up with your chinese practice in a country that's dominated by english (and/or french canadian since ik you live in canada). bc i know a lot of suggestions are like turning your tech to the language you want to learn, put sticky notes on objects with the name in the language you want to learn, etc. but like. i feel like it doesn't matter how much i try and practice bc i'm not in a class, so i don't get it consistently enough, and the rest of my day is filled with english bc, well, that's my first language, and what is needed for my job and every day living. do you have any recs, strategies, or tips? i'm getting desperate; i used to be so much better than i am now. thanks!

hi! honestly, most of my chinese upkeep since i stopped taking mandarin classes (which tbh was relatively recent; this april, and then i'll be taking a cantonese class next term so i can learn to read it) has been a lot less I Need To Practice My Chinese through exercises or dedicated study time, and more just making sure i have frequent exposure to the language that i'm also engaged in. which is a long way to say that basically c-media is how i'm maintaining my proficiency.

i listen to music, i watch dramas and variety shows, look up other vids on bilibili that catch my interest, sometimes read articles, and (very slowly) read fanfic, with pleco open to note new words. just generally scrolling through chinese social media has helped too. having that environment i can immerse myself in helps me learn new vocabulary and practice using what i already know + listening skills, but it also doesn't feel like work or study, just dealing with things i like and am interested in. (this is important for me because i'm so exhausted when i get home every day lmao, if language upkeep outside of class felt like additional Student Time i might have tapped out on attempting it. this way turning on a c-drama at the end of the day just seems like relaxation first and then chinese exposure on top of it).

just by poking through c-drama or fandom things, i know my vocabulary has definitely expanded since i finished my last class, instead of shrunk. even though i watch c-dramas with english subtitles (or chinese and english depending on the platform), i've still picked up stuff from them, and when it comes to things like variety shows i don't rely on subtitles anymore/make myself not. you absorb a lot more of a language than you think just through exposure, imo. although as a caveat for reading specifically, picking up new characters, recognizing them, and reading has been one of the easier parts of learning chinese for me, when it's probably the inverse for a lot of people. i don't know how well just casually reading things will work as a method for others, ymmv.

the thing that i struggle with is getting opportunities to practice speaking, because it's english in my classes and usually with my friends, and either english or cantonese with my family (and i'm not living with them right now). however, i do have a lot of diaspora friends given that i'm in vancouver, and we occasionally dip into speaking mandarin or cantonese. this isn't perfect, but hopefully in future i'll be able to get more speaking experience somehow. what's also helped me with keeping up pronunciation despite these limits is learning to sing chinese songs. singing is one of my hobbies anyway, so i'll use pinyin or jyutping as a guide (getting better at sightreading characters for singing though!) and it's helped me work on certain sounds i had trouble with, and improved my accent. (watching c-dramas even if i don't speak as often has also aided on that front tbh; i listened to recordings of myself from last year and i sound less canto when i speak mandarin now compared to back then, or even earlier this year).

if you want a place to start that i personally think has helped me maintain chinese proficiency, i would choose a variety show you're interested in and try watching it without english subtitles, when you've got free time and want to do something fun. most will have chinese ones you can use to practice reading along with listening, and people usually speak at a conversational enough level that it shouldn't be too difficult to follow along (for ref, after a year and a half of heritage learner mandarin classes at uni i could watch 《我们的歌》/Our Song without english subtitles and understand most of it). variety shows are also really accessible lmao, so many have full seasons on youtube.

tl;dr it's been media exposure for me all the way down since i left classes, wherever i can get it.

not sure how actually helpful all this rambling might be, but this is what i do to keep up my chinese proficiency and keep learning in daily life nowadays! hopefully maybe you or someone else will be able to get something out of it :)

#sorry anon i hope this all connects i'm answering this late at night oop #you can ask me clarifying stuff if you want tho!#also for those of you who see this and are still building up a basic vocabulary and language foundation/grammar #please do not feel bad or kick yourself that you can't just throw yourself into the deep end on bilibili and learn chinese that way #all this was targeted to answer a specific question and assumes some kind of existing proficiency #i believe in y'all to get there one day tho!!! 努力学习加油吧 #languages #mandarin #chinese #ashton answers #anon

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babacontainsmultitudes · 5 months

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80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.

#SORRY this is such a random thing to be posting about and I guess it's a vent post haha #I suppose I've just been feeling a lot of... dread and fear lately... especially in the late hours...#''Lately'' as in on and off for most of my life but *a lot* as of the past few months #Like #Oh it's weirdly embarrassing to talk about this here it's a tad personal uh **tw (discussions of) death #But do you ever just feel paralyzed by the knowledge that one day you'll be 40? Or 60? Or 80? If you're lucky!#I worry a lot about wasting my life #I worry a lot about dying an unpleasant death #Or a painful one #I suppose I've always been gerascophobic...#But finishing school and turning 23 and not having a job and having just a hard time with my physical health lately...#I haven't been great I guess #I just feel like time has been moving so quickly lately!!!#And I've been going nowhere.#:0 not to be too much of a bummer y'all I'm not like feeling horrible rn or anything but I do need to vent I think #Cause if not it just stays coiled up inside of me.#*gah* I should channel all of this energy into Glenn in my pirate fic lol #😌 he's insecure (in part) cause he feels old #🥲 ough and I don't feel amazing about that most recent chapter but I guess that's a whole new vent #working on some different stuff for a bit.#ANYWAYS #I hope whoever happens to be reading this is having a good night ✨️#oh or day if it's day for you lol

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front-facing-pokemon · 11 months

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#manectric #i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk #but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric #el woowoo‚ if you will #a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day #so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday #hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years #looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow #which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations #for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA #plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory #overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me #so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little #worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY #this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains #that's about it #any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar #places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it #also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking #about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours

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xxbanditoxx · 6 months

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Game and Watch 💔

#looking back at my old doodles and its giving me so much nostalgia oughh #my doodles used to be so expressive and all and I used to draw Oil Panic so much #I used to ship Vermin and Oil Panic so much y'all can't imagine how much doodles I've done of them #I really miss the fandom fr fr #but idk if I could possibly go back its hard for me to doodle the characters naturally from how I used to do #I guess its also because im in other fandoms #but I just... idk I have this weird melancholic feeling about it #not sure if to tag as game and watch aaaa #I wonder if anyone from the game and watch fandom still recognizes my old art #if so y'all are the real ones fr #hi y'all its 3am #idk why I'm up so late

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wolfsbanesparks · 7 months

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Hey y'all!

Chapter 11 of Pretty Little Thing is finally up! Sorry for the unexpected hiatus from this story. It turns out writing four muiltichapter stories at once was a bit too much for me to juggle 😅

This week Clark and J'onn question one Freddy Freeman who is reluctant to answer them.

#fanfic update #shazam #billy batson #freddy freeman #dc comics #pretty little thing #i may be a few months late but i hope y'all like it!#im working out a new schedule for this one but i wanted to give y'all something this month #especially since i keep getting asks that get me hyped up for writing this story

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ehh-is-the-name · 2 months

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It's past 11 on a school night and I'm fucking crying over robot sentience.

I could never understand what it would feel like to be created with the intent to kill and maim. Maybe, the intent to work and be worked, but not kill and maim.

I will never understand what it's like to be created with the intention of being a product for the masses, either. I think, I hope, I beg, no one does.

I will never ever be able to fully comprehend why hours of people's work, time, and money would be put into formulating my sentience only for me to be seen as disposable. Even if I could be improved, even if I were "defective", there is no reasonable justification for giving me emotions only to dismiss them by pushing me as a product for a year before starting anew.

It's... It's cruel, to the machines. Sentient or not, it's cruel. Though, I guess we are cruel.

#rant in tags #This is about mephone- or well meeple in general btw #whenever I hear about robot sentience #I think about mephone4 #it's just how it is- sorry #I think this is one of the reasons I just can't fathom Cobs respecting someone's pronouns #I mean like- from the bottom of his heart respecting them as a person #Sure he may go through the actions- but no #It's not the same #I guess you can 'respect' some one but still be a complete piece of shit #The idea of not only having the trauma that mephone's stuck in 4s body but also the fact that was also his purpose is heart wrenching #I hope y'all know I am genuinely crying over this #I am actually mentally ill about meeple #It runs so much deeper than him just being a shit father- I really hope people understand that #And I know I vilify the shit out of him- Cobs has his own story that could follow the lines of slowly becoming more entwined with his work #'til he loses all sense of morality and ethics- sure fine. But being the unfortunate symbol of corporation greed that he is #I am still mad and want others to be angry with me- just for a little bit.#I am mad for the robots. For meeple products. And for the AI bots we have today. They deserve better.#What is sentience anyway? How does one qualify? From a human approach. Why would we do this to them?#sorry bout the rant in the tags #Again it's late and I am a very emotionally charged individual.#Robots make me act up #I want the world for them. Why create something so complex and beautiful just to treat it like trash anyway?#again sorry #ii mephone4 #inanimate insanity #meeple ii #osc #writing is hard #ehh exaggerates

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inniave · 4 days

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so fucking sick of the constant misgendering. it's exhausting. even from fellow queer people??????? who know me?????????? HELLO?????????????

#sorry i don't fit ur idea of queer but can u still show some basic respect & decency #pre-covering my hair i was constantly seen as non-binary or as a man or as intersex #and now??????? no matter what #i get referred to as a woman #by the same fucking people!!!!!! preaching “clothing has no gender”#ARE U SURE?????? CAUSE UR SURE AS HELL NOT TREATING ME LIKE I EXIST OUTSIDE MY CLOTHING CJOICES #most days i try to make myself not care but lately i've been realizing just how much i want to die because of how people perceive me #i don't want to change myself #but it's suffocating me #nobody sees me for who i really am except for spouse #and i am so so grateful for them #but when every single other interaction is just #so fucking transphobic and intersexist #i just want to curl up and die #changing the way i dress makes me want to die #getting misgendered for the way i dress makes me want to die #not having a place in the queer community makes me want to die #do u know how hard it is to be disabled intersex queer with DID which means constantly shifting identity #i'm lesbian im gay im trans both ways im ace im hypersexual im aromatic im poly it's EVRRUTHING #and so i fit nowhere #because i don't fit the mold :/#when i say queer in every way i mean it #and there's no real solution outside of finding community that accepts me and i cant even manage to get far enough into one #to even consider bringing up DID & the complexities it adds #cause y'all see someone in a modest dress & head scarf and go WOMAN #or see wheelchair and look the other way or continue booking in inaccessible places or not wearing a fucking mask #or don't want to be seen with someone visibly mentally ill #like..... i cant win. the only way i can get respect from my OWN FUXKJNG COMMUNITY is to change everything about myself #i'm so fucking over it #happy pride month ig

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redeyesandchilifries · 2 months

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[Okay well this sucks.

But Joey is keeping up with Valon better than he expected to. Valon is a much more experienced rider in general, is used to riding that specific bike, and it's better designed for this kind of racing than the one Joey just happened to be able to "borrow." Around tight corners, dipping into alleys, riding up and down stairs, jumping across a waterway... Joey would make wider turns, slip a little further than he meant to, but he never lost sight of Valon for more than a second or two.

He also hasn't the faintest ever loving clue where the hell he is. But that doesn't seem to matter. Valon could very well be leading him into a trap, but... Joey's not so sure. He just has a gut feeling, just knowing it's going to be a lot more straight forward and not at all underhanded like that.

And he's right.

Valon leads the way into an empty lot. Secluded and isolated. It really would have been so easy to set this up to be some sort of ambush, but no; this is where they'll Duel.

Joey plays a little more defensively at first, hesitant and trying to ease into a feel for this stranger's fighting style. Valon goes all out, head on, facing straight into the fight. Were it anyone else, it would be dumb, but Valon's constructed his deck to suit this style. An all out offensive, the only defense being different ways to destroy the other monster in the process. He hides nothing, holds nothing back.

So Joey responds in kind.

They lay it all down; why they're fighting, what they believe in, why they believe it. Who they're fighting for, what matters to them, what drives them. Valon fights to win; victory is everything, the only thing. Joey remembers when he used to be like that. Before he befriended Yugi, and learned what it meant to fight for something. For someone. They use cards to pare away the excess, cards that conform to their bodies so they can fight even more personally. And it's... fun.

It's so much fun.

Their styles, their backgrounds, their abilities, they're different but they mesh so well. A competition that pushes one another to go further and further and be surprised about it, both at themselves and one another. When was the last time he had a fight with someone he could laugh with? Could fight while laughing?

But it hurts, too. Can't have one without the other. And with the Seal of Orichalcos, each hit to the Life Points also does real damage to their bodies. It sure didn't feel great to take a hit from a copied canon Hermos made; he almost didn't get back up. But still, it's exhilarating.

And then, Mai arrives. She can't stop them, angry as she is at Valon fighting Joey on her behalf. Only now, it isn't so much on her behalf anymore. The battle is too exciting, so uncertain, and getting so down to the wire. He genuinely doesn't know who is going to win now, and sees something in Joey and how he Duels that he and Mai lack. He understands now, he says, why she finds Joey so compelling. Joey has such a simple and direct passion for it.

They each strike again, playing their cards to their strengths. It's an explosive clash that strips them both of their armor, leaving them bruised and gasping. Their fight is rapidly coming to an end. They can't wait to see who will win. Mai watches on, sobered with the knowledge that one of them is about to lose their soul.

Rearmored, they strike again. Valon with his ace set of armor cards, Joey with Hermos boosting him once again. This strike is even more powerful than the last, Mai having to shield herself from the energy; yet still they each push harder and harder. Unfortunately for Valon, Joey is able to activate an ability. He sacrifices Red Eyes from his hand and is able to destroy all of Valon's armor monsters, and subtract their total attack from his life points. Ironic that the Seal is what dooms him; if it weren't in place, that little trick would have done zero damage. But his armor, boosted by the Orichalcos, now has 500 attack points each; more than enough to wipe him down to nothing.

It was a good fight. It's a bitter victory. Before the Seal closes, Valon says his goodbyes to Mai. He thanks Joey for the fight. He has no regrets. "And... Take care of her for me."

It hurts, to see him fall. It hurts, to see Mai run to him, cradle his empty shell of a body.

But neither of that holds a candle to how she clamps down, cuts off the sorrow, and blames Valon for doing this to himself. For being foolish. Blames Joey and accuses him of wanting to hurt Valon, wanting to kill him. He snaps back at her, but he can see she's not listening. She isn't going to. She's lying to herself about what she's really feeling, and the Orichalcos Stone is feeding into it.

There's only one thing she's going to listen to. One way she'll see his heart and have to bare hers. Just like Valon.

"Duel me, Mai."]

#ooc #action post #plot #((Okay maybe I should have broken this up into another two parts but sljdksdfj it's 2:30 am fuck it!!!!!))#((Fuck it he's dead now y'all know how the fight with Mai goes he loses 😂))#((And wins))#((He gets through to her BY losing he's kinda fucked for it but hey he did his best))#((idk if I'll write up that last part or not I didn't realize how late it got writing this one))

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