#i was thinking about this earlier but jess' post reminded me that i wanted to make this post skjhf so ty jess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kissingrhi · 2 years

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safe haven ♚ jesse pinkman

notes: obviously breaking bad/el camino spoilers! this is tooth rotting fluff and extremely self indulgent because i just love him! maybe listen to fix you by coldplay while reading because that song reminds me so much of post el camino jesse.

this is also posted on my ao3, @peachyrhi

you were at the grocery store, your jacket hugging your body, shielding you from the nipping cold in the air. you were buying basic necessities for your average life: working as a mail sorter down at the post office, just 1.5 miles from the store you were at. you bought whatever seemed to suit your interests, not thinking too hard as to what you put in your cart. you enjoyed the freedom of living in such a secluded place. after years of having a clouded mind, you finally felt at peace.

as you were checking out though, someone caught your eye. that someone being one of the most beautiful men you’d ever seen. while his face was littered in fading scars, his rose tinted skin and arctic blue eyes had you holding your breath. he was a few isles away from you, so you could sneak glances without being obvious. what you didn’t know was that he was paying attention to you all the same.

he was obviously new in town. in a place like this, everyone knew everyone. he was obviously trying to keep a low profile, a black beanie with a white eagle imprinted on the side with a maroon hoodie thrown over top. he was avoiding eye contact with the cashier, picking at his nails as the worker scanned his very random choices: a comforter, two boxes of captain crunch, and hot sauce. he was intriguing. you wanted to drink him in as much as you could.

that was only the first instance. the second time you bumped into ‘isaac driscoll,’ you were at your job. on days where you weren’t sorting mail, you worked the front desk at the post office, face adorned with a blank smile as you said, “have a good one.” for what felt like the 20th time today. you were now sitting, drumming a pencil against your desk to the beat of some song you’d heard on the radio earlier that day. you were tonguing a cut on the side of your cheek, holding your head flat against your palm as your leg uncontrollably jumped up and down.

you were bored. really fucking bored. that was until you were greeted with none other than the mystery man who’d festered his way into your head for the past couple days, head perking up to the sound of the bell jingling. you finally got to see him closer. he looked about your age, maybe a year or two older. but god, he looked like he’d been through hell. his eyes were worn and exhausted, a dusty pink underneath them, the scars on his face raised and still healing.

you wiped your now sweaty palms on your uniform, eyes widening at the sight as he walked closer and closer. “good afternoon. what can i do for you today?” you asked, drumming your fingers against your thigh, tilting your head. “i’m here to- uh.. pick up a package.” he sounded uncertain, even to himself, like he didn’t understand the words coming from his mouth. his voice was gravely yet chipper, he was obviously expressive in how he spoke. he seemed extremely nervous, so you tried to tread lightly.

“alright, what’s your name? and whose the package from?” you asked, avoiding eye contact with the wiry man in front of your desk. “isaac.” the silence droned on, isaac spacing out in front of you. “isaac driscoll. the package is from ed galbraith.” he sputtered, shifting his weight from foot to foot. he was anxiety ridden, not cracking a smile even once.

“alright, i’ll go check in the back.” and so you went into the storage facility, sifting through clear boxes labeled “pickup.” finally, you settled on one of the biggest packages you’d ever seen, muttering a quiet, “oh fuck me.” you made the annoyingly long journey to find a trolley. i mean come on, a package this size was just insane. maybe you were just being dramatic.

after retrieving the hefty package, you pushed your way back into the office, giving a pained smile to the tired man ahead of you. “albuquerque, huh?” you started, and isaac looked as if you had just stabbed him, his mind rushing at a million miles per hour. “y- yea.” his voice was quiet, pained. “yo, uh. you don’t mind if i wheel this out to my car, do’ya?” he nodded his head to the package in front of you. “no, that’s not a problem at all.” you handed the trolley over to him, “just bring the trolley back in after you’re done please.” you spouted, internally cringing as the two of you brushed hands. “okay.” was all he said.

and finally, the third and final instance before the two of you become inseparable. see, ‘isaac’ had began to take a liking to you as well. he enjoyed how polite you were, how interesting your style was, how you were the opposite of intimidating. you wore warm pastels in contradiction to the bitter alaskan air, you smelled like vanilla from what little scent he’d picked up at the post office, you always have on a single brown, braided hair tie. the final time the two of you had an awkward exchange was at one of the only bars in haines, the fogcutter.

you’d had a rough day, your dad calling you and being a hardass, making you cry at work. no matter how many times you asked him to stop calling, told him that you needed space, he never stopped. and you couldn’t find it in yourself to block him. so you found yourself walking down the street as the sun set, brushing cold tears from your eyes as you entered the nearly empty bar.

you plopped yourself into a chair, leaning your upper body into the bar, making eye contact with the bartender. “what’ll it be tonight?” she said, smile not reaching her eyes. “just whiskey please.” you returned the same half smile, before returning to fidgeting with your hair tie. that was until you noticed a familiar presence beside you. you could tell it was him, even if his body was turned to look at the tv in the corner of the room, seemingly interested in the football game shown. you couldn’t help yourself. “hey. isaac right?” you said, barely above a whisper.

he turned to face you, tired eyes twinkling. “yeah.” was all he said, turning back to the tv. you turned your body to face him now, “you’re new, aren’t you?” you said, legs kicking against your chair. “yeah.” he said again, not even turning to look at you. “well, you know…” you started, as he turned to you again, one of his eyebrows quirking up. “everyone here knows everyone. so we’re gonna have to actually meet one way or another.” you held out your hand, and the rest is history.

he was so shy at first, barely speaking. he listened. he listened when you two met again and you talked about your interests and what brought you to haines. he listened when he first visited your house and you talked about your passions as you ate pasta. he listened when you called him late one night in tears, going on about your “stupid fucking idiot father.” he was interested in you and enjoyed being around you. for one of the first times in his life he felt like you were never going to harm him or fuck him over. you were a real friend.

and as time progressed, you learned more about him as well. you learned how much he hated talking about his past, that he said the word bitch way more than the average person, and that he was awesome at left 4 dead 2. the more the two of you hung out, the more he opened up about himself. it was like the two of you were meant to meet each other, and what you didn’t know is that a part of him healed every time you invited him over, or bumped into him at the bar, or caught his eye at the car wash.

a few months after you two met, you had just finished dinner at your place. one of the first things you learned about isaac was that you and him both had an astounding love for mac and cheese. so any chance you got, you cooked it. and as you were cleaning up your mac and cheese, putting the leftovers in tupperware for isaac, something clicked in your mind. you glanced at the clock at your microwave. 10:48. it was pretty late anyways, right? you don’t think it would be too far if- “isaac?” you said, looking up at him as you closed the red top of the tupperware. “you wanna spend the night? it’s pretty late.” you said, sliding the leftovers across the counter to where he stood.

you waited for a response, biting your cheek as you looked back at the flushed man in front of you. “i mean- sure. it’s just. i don’t have any clothes.” he said, awkwardly laughing and scratching the back of his neck. “it’s fine.” you drew out the word, walking over to him, elbowing him as you teased, “most of my clothes are way too big and besides, we’re about the same height anyways.” he slapped your elbow, rolling his eyes and spitting out, “hey, i’m still growing. i’m a growing boy, bitch.” and you laughed, leading him to your room and pulling out a pair of plaid pajama pants and a giant black shirt with white stripes on it. “alright these are the biggest i could find.” you said, throwing the pile of clothes at his chest, glaring as he raised his eyebrows at your statement.

you then sat down on the corner of your queen sized bed when the two of you finished changing into your pajamas, patting the space beside you for isaac to sit. “hey.” you smiled. “hey.” he grinned, pulling his legs to sit criss cross and face you. “i know this might be like- totally out of line.” you started, looking in his eyes for any sign to stop. instead his face just stiffened up, and he waited for you to continue. “and i know you hate talking about your past but i just like-“ you cut yourself off, staring down at your feet. “it’s ok.” he said, voice quiet and unconvincing. “i wanna know if you’re okay?” you asked, tilting your head at his bad posture and achingly sad demeanor.

“y’know how i told you i used to be really heavy on drugs?” he asked, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. and that night, the man you now knew, ended up bawling into your chest. it was only when the two of you fell asleep: one of your hands holding his head against your chest, the two of you curled into each other as you whispered kind words into his head, telling him that you loved him all the same, addressing him as jesse. when he knew he’d gone to the right place. when he knew he’d found a safe haven.

#this is so self indulgent #jesse pinkman #takes place after el camino #the ending he deserves #i love him :(#jesse pinkman x reader #breaking bad x reader #gender neutral reader

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mercurygray · 7 days

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Hi Merc! For the sleepover meme - What do you think happens to Doris after the war? Does she go back to Chicago? Marry a boy from the neighborhood? Or does life have other plans for her?

You know, Jess, I'm so glad you asked, because this reminded me that I still needed to post the epilogue of The Darkening Sky. I have just done so - and I wish everyone joy of reading it.

I think Doris likes the world that's opened up to her since being in the Army. She's met a lot of people who are very different from her, and made a lot of friends she wouldn't have otherwise ever met. Home is important, and she'll get there...eventually. But there are still places she wants to see.

Since the earliest days of TDS, I've had someone in mind for Doris - and I'm happy I can finally share this piece I've had sitting in my drafts since 2021 about it.

He was thinking about John, happy enough drinking boilermakers in a Melbourne bar and complaining through the champagne they'd made him and Lena drink at their wedding luncheon. "It's for sissies," he'd repeated, over and over until he was nearly red, but Lena wouldn't take no for an answer, and he'd finally relented, downing one glass like a shot and getting a face full of fizz for his trouble. "Lena, where'd you find an Italian who doesn't like wine?" all her friends had asked, and Lena had only laughed, his hand wrapped around hers like he'd never let go.

No one else could have made him drink the stuff but her - but that was part of what he loved about her, wasn't it? That she was an unstoppable force who would not be refused. He'd remembered thinking, watching them at that table in the hotel over lunch, that John had all the luck, a medal, a commission, this beautiful woman to love him. They'd thrown away the mold when they'd made Lena, he was sure of it, because he'd yet to meet a woman before or since who could match her for smiles and spark and sheer determination to see a thing done. (There was a reason she'd joined the Marines, and married one to boot.)

It had been a long time since JP had seen her - longer still since he'd written. He should fix that.

But thinking of her was making him glance across the room at the woman from earlier, with the jump wings and the neat row of ribbons on her jacket. She was still holding a table on the other side of the bar, alone.

"Ask her to dance!" He could still hear Lena's voice, urging him to ask one of her friends out onto the dance floor at her reception. "Or is a big strong Marine like you afraid of a couple of strong women?"

He and John had joked enough about what a female leatherneck must have looked like, when they'd first shipped out to the Canal - but John had never joked about the Reserve after he'd married Lena.

He looked at the beer and the shot across the table, and could almost see the man himself, giving him one of those long, unamused glances that said, in no uncertain terms, what he really thought of JP and whatever decision he'd just made. You know, if you'd hadn't been such a jackass...

"You're really giving me that, aren't you?" he mumbled to the glass and the empty chair. But his memory of John just kept on smirking. She really is kinda cute - and marine or no, she wasn't taking any of your crap. It was pretty hot. "Oh, fine." He sighed, finished his beer, and took John's from the other side of the table, downing the shot and pressing through the bar to her table, clearing his throat and waiting for her to make eye contact.

"Seems I, ah, might owe you an apology. I was out of line, earlier, and I'm sorry, for being such a heel about it."

She studied him for a moment, obviously debating whether to take him seriously or not. "Apology accepted."

"You, um, waiting for someone?" He asked, indicating the undrunk beer on the table across from her.

"Not unless Saint Peter's giving 24 hour passes," she replied, still a little sharp, her hands wrapped around her own pint glass in an almost thoughtful manner. She was cute, all dark eyes and dark hair, shorter and filling every inch of her uniform in a way that he found, on further review, that he found quite attractive. (John could keep the tall, skinny ones - a guy liked something to hold onto, once in a while, something that felt real.)

"Friend?" No sooner were the words out than he found himself adding Please don't say boyfriend.

She nodded - a relief. "A couple of ‘em."

"Me, too." She looked up, mildly interested. "Did this once with a buddy, in Melbourne," he said, holding up the beer. "Went out and got loaded on account of another friend of ours. Now I'm ...drinking for both of 'em and thinking I got no one to drag my sorry ass home when it's over."

"They'd be the ones dragging me home, too," she responded, still a little cagey, but thoughtfully so, and, finally, unwrapped her hands from her beer and held one out to shake. "Sergeant Doris Russo, 506th Parachute Infantry." Her grip was firm and her palm calloused - a hard-working hand, one that had seen some things and done some things in the last two years.

"Sergeant JP Morgan, Seventh Marines."

She indicated the beer and the empty seat in front of her with a sweep of her eyes. "Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine," she said with a patient smile, letting him arrange himself on the chair (and carefully move the undrunk beer out of the way) while she flagged down a waiter for a refill.

Doris Russo, uneager to return to Chicago, took a short assignment with the Army at the Presidio, in San Francisco, where she met her future husband, a Marine returning from the Pacific. She received no end of teasing about this at later Easy Company reunions. They have four children, and Doris was very active in her childrens’ education, serving on the school board.

#asked and answered #noneedtoamputate #doris russo

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rhoorl · 6 months

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Week in Review | Nov. 12

Hi there! How’s your November going? I can’t believe we’re already almost halfway through. The time change has been kicking my ass this week, although it has meant that Baby Rhoorl now goes to sleep at a more reasonable time…for now.

Ok, here’s the recap…

Fics I read this week:

Frankie Morales

It’s the Sniffles by @undercoverpena - I was in a mood for some sweet Frankie and Jo delivered with this sweet fic of Frankie taking care of a reader who came down with a cold.

Give Up the Bagel by @nerdieforpedro - Again, I wanted some sweet Frankie and found this on my TBR list and it hit the spot!

Marcus Pike

Headshots by @secretelephanttattoo - EL! Congratulations on ending your series! I have loved following along with Marcus and Ella and I was just swooning over their travels these last two chapters!

Dieter Bravo

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings, my sister in Dieter. I am so excited about this fic she has cooking up, Closed Position.

Jack Whiskey Daniels

Two Fingers of Whiskey by @morallyinept - This fictional cowboy just does things to me. I can’t help it. Also, what Jett is able to convey in 496 words is a triumph (especially coming from a long-winded bitch like myself 😉)

Two Left Feed by @linzels-blog - I had never thought about Jack line dancing and now I have and I can’t get it out of my head.

Tim Rockford

Steep is the Mountain by @sin-djarin I’m in a Tim Rockford spiral as of late, and a fic like this one only helps fuel the feralness. So thank you, Becca.

Current Compulsory Series:

These are the series I am keeping up with at the moment.

Delta Palms Tropical Resort (Frankie) by @linzels-blog

I Like the Way You (Frankie) by @undercoverpena

Destiny & Deliverance (Dieter) by @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

Paranoid Heat (Javi P) by @goodwithcheese

It’s Never Too Late (Javi P) by @javierpena-inatacvest I’m almost all caught up, now I’m just one chapter behind!

Posts from the week:

Self Care with Dieter & Jett is always a highlight each week!

@goodwithcheese is a tremendous artist and made me absolutely laugh out loud with this depiction of @legendary-pink-dot’s Hinterland (which is a great read by the way!).

Putting a little plug here for these fun pencils by @fuckyeahpaperco! I already ordered the Javi and Joel set and I NEED the Frankie set!!

Feral corner:

This gif continues to fuel thots. As does any mention of Sequins!Joel (thank you @trulybetty). Frankie Friday got off to a hot start thanks to @intheorangebedroom. And then there’s this set of photos. I love picking up little things that Pedro does across characters, like this. Here’s your reminder (as if you could forget) that this photoshoot exists. Seriously, thank you Esquire, and everyone who made it a reality.

There’s been a lot of Benny Miller on my feed this week (thank you to those who tag me to make sure I don’t miss a post 😘). But this little moment from Triple Frontier gets me every single time. And I have to throw one in with the baseball cap.

Things I watched:

I went to the movies to go see The Marsh King’s Daughter. Would I normally have seen this movie? Probably not. So why, Jess did you go? Welp, because Garrett Hedlund was in it. I did a little movie review of it in case you missed it.

Personal Stuff

Because @maggiemayhemnj asked so nicely, I'll share a couple of months from the 2024 Pedro calendar I've been working on (this will replace the calendar my coworker got for my cube).

Week three of my health journey. I’m really trying to not stress about the scale this time, but I did reach a little milestone this week which is encouraging.

Mr Rhoorl and I are going to the Ice Nine Kills/In This Moment concert soon and I'm so excited. We saw Ice Nine Kills earlier this year when we went to Metallica, but it was a huge stadium. I'm looking forward to seeing them a bit closer. And In This Moment always puts on a good show. We've been debating how many times we've seen them, I think this will be the third.

Anyways, I'll be trying to listen to set lists all week to prepare. It looks like my favorite song isn't on the list but I'll keep listening to it anyway:

Fic updates:

Delta Landscaping Chapter 9 came out this past week and I’ve been plugging away at Chapter 10 - for the Frankie fans, I hope you’ll like it because he gets a bit of a spotlight. I’m also adding in two more PPCU characters too (just mentioning them by name at this point).

Thank you as always for reading and interacting!

Masterlists

Working Title (Dieter, series, ongoing) | AO3

Delta Landscaping (Triple Frontier, series, ongoing) | AO3

Turbulence (Frankie, one-shot) | AO3

Are You on Mute? (Benny Miller, one-shot) | AO3

#rhoorl week in review #pedro pascal characters fic #pedro pascal character fanfiction #Spotify

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aylacavebear · 3 months

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She Thought She was Normal

This chapter is the SMUT. If you're under 18, walk away.

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. This is the Chapter 18+!

Word Count: 5678

Warnings: SPS, SMUT! (told you it was coming), Fluff, Loss of Virginity, Unprotected sex (Remember to wrap it up, you're not a Nephilim)

----------------------------------------- Chapter 23 Pt. 2

He smirked a bit but didn’t reply. Jess would at least keep Sam out of the shower room. It was Dean that Maria was mildly worried about. She grabbed a pair of grey sweats and an oversized, worn-in light blue t-shirt before she headed to the shower room.

It had an open floor plan with several showering areas and several sinks across from the showers. It reminded her of the gym locker rooms a high school would have where several people could shower at once. The front of all the shower stalls were open, with no curtain. She wasn’t overly fond of the color though. Maria set her things down on one of the benches before undressing and heading to one of the shower stalls. She didn’t mind, figuring no one would bother her.

Jess hadn’t been kidding about the shower pressure. The smaller bathrooms were great but this felt like it was on a whole new level, massage level pressure. She thought perhaps it was for the higher-ranking Men of Letters. She let the hot water just flow over her tense muscles. It felt amazing and she let herself get lost in the feeling, as well as her body relaxing. So much so, that she didn’t even realize anyone had gone into the shower room.

He had seen the steam coming out of the shower room and had gotten too curious not to look. It could only be one person and he knew it. There was a small smirk on his lips as he went through the open door of the room, seeing the steam emanating from the second stall. He couldn’t see her, not from where he was standing, so he slowly inched closer. Dean leaned against the sink that was across from the shower stall she was in, taking in the sight of her as the water flowed down her body.

“Was your shower occupied?” he asked her, a bit teasingly, with his arms crossed, smirking.

She screamed slightly, surprised before she looked over at him, putting her hand over her racing heart, trying to catch her breath. Once she did though, she rolled her eyes, “Just come here to window shop some more?” she retorted in a teasing way before leaning back under the flow of water.

Dean had to take a deep breath as his eyes slowly trailed down her body and then back up it, “You look good all wet like that,” he teased her, seductively. Maria grabbed the shampoo and began washing her hair, but glanced at him. She debated several things but after the research she’d done, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to take that particular plunge or cause him any pain if she couldn’t. She sighed and focused on her hair, “I don’t want to hurt you…” she replied.

He looked at her, somewhat confused, “Why do you think you’ll hurt me? I’m just watching you,” he asked, perplexed.

“I know what happens, to guys… when they get too turned on and don’t get that… release…” she replied, a bit shyly, “and well, I don’t want to do that to you.”

Dean managed to keep himself from chuckling at her, “Is that what you were looking up earlier?” he asked, finding her quite amusing but also sweet.

She blushed and couldn’t look over at him, “Uh… kind of…”

He pushed off the sink, arms still crossed, and walked closer to her shower stall, staying back far enough that he wouldn’t get wet, “Then, if you looked that up, there are other ways. We don’t have to have sex,” he told her, licking his lips and taking in the sight of her. He could look at her all day, and so much more.

Maria rinsed her hair, tilting her head back into the flow of water and Dean bit his lip, taking a deep breath. He watched how the suds from the shampoo in her hair traveled down her body with the flow of the water. She glanced over at him afterward, and blushed because of how he was looking at her, “I know… I’m, well…” she looked away and sighed, “I’m shy, okay?”

He took another deep breath and looked up at her, debating his next words, “Do you trust me?” he asked her, softly. He had no intentions of pushing her into anything she wasn’t wanting to do. He could however see her curiosity.

She felt those anxious feelings again, and forced herself to take a deep breath, attempting to calm them, then nodded her head a bit, “Mmhhmm,” she hummed nervously.

Go slow, Dean told himself as he undressed and got in the shower with her. She’d barely looked over at him, but once he was standing in front of her, she looked up at him, her chest tightening again. He smiled softly at her though, setting his hands on her upper arms.

“It’s okay, we can go slow and we’ll only do what you’re comfortable with. Okay?” he told her, and she could see the sincerity in his eyes.

She took another deep breath and nodded her head a little as she looked up into his eyes. His soft smile and gentle gaze helped relax her. His heart was pounding in his chest as he reached up and caressed her cheek before he leaned down and kissed her. It was slow at first, gentle as he let his other hand move up her arm, over her shoulder, and then down her back. She had to break the kiss between them to take a deep breath as her body shivered under his touch. It was far more intense than she thought it would be.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned, leaving his hand on the small of her back, just resting there.

“Yeah… just didn’t realize, umm… how sensitive I was…” she replied, attempting to calm her breathing. She knew she was sensitive, just not to this extent. No one had ever touched her, not like this.

He had remembered that from when she’d gotten her tattoo and the research he’d done on SPS. He already knew what he was getting into and was actually looking forward to it, “If you want me to stop, just let me know, okay?” he told her, gently, gazing down into her eyes.

Again she nodded a bit. Dean slowly moved her so that he was under the water and she was in front of him before he leaned down and kissed her neck, loving the way she inhaled deeply. He took his hand from her cheek and slid it down her arm, then gently moved her hand so that it was on his chest. He held it there for a moment as he slowly peppered her neck and shoulder with kisses, feeling his breathing increase with how she was responding.

She’d read plenty but nothing could have prepared her for the actual experience. The one thing she hadn’t taken into account was how sensitive her body was. Dean’s lips sent electricity through her body, down all her nerves, right to her core. When he’d moved her hand though, she just let her hand sit there feeling his heart rate under her touch. She finally moved her hand along his chest, now feeling his muscles flexed under her fingers and he groaned into her neck.

Go slow, he told himself again as he felt her other hand now on his back, moaning quietly against the flesh of her neck. He let his hands slowly move along her body, starting on her back, before they found their way to her sides, then her hips where he gripped them, just a bit. When he heard that soft moan leave her lips, he smirked happily, letting his right hand move up her side, along her ribs, and just under her breast. He felt her body almost quiver at that.

Her heart was pounding, her body felt like it was on fire, and there was a feeling building that she’d never felt before, but she was enjoying it, immensely. She found a bit of courage though, and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his collarbone. Their bodies were practically touching and she felt his hardness against her body but couldn’t bring herself to look there. When she felt him brush his finger over her nipple though, she felt like her knees were going to give out on her, and she bit her lip, attempting to stifle another moan.

He felt her relax a little as her hands began slowly moving over his body, his muscles flexing under her touch and he loved the way her soft hands felt against his skin. Dean gently took her nipple between his fingers, teasing it, loving the sounds that she made, music to his ears. He let his other hand slowly move down her thigh, teasing the outside before his fingers danced across the front, then moved more to her center.

“Dean… I…” she attempted, but her knees were already almost too weak to keep her standing.

He quickly moved both his hands and held her up at her hips before he looked down at her. Her cheeks were red. She was breathing heavily and all he could do was smile, “It’s okay, I’ve got you. If you want to keep going, we can always head to one of our rooms,” he suggested but didn’t push.

She smiled a bit, her body still feeling fairly shaky, “Might not be a bad idea,” she breathed, biting her bottom lip a bit, more in anticipation than anything.

Dean smiled more with that before he reached back and turned off the water. He helped her out of the shower stall and handed her a towel while he grabbed one for himself. She watched him, taking in his physical appearance. She’d never really looked, not before last night when she’d seen him without a shirt on. And now, she almost couldn’t take her eyes off of him. The way his body looked reminded her of those statues that you’d find in a museum, only much more endowed. A small smirk formed on her lips as she finally turned away from him to dry her hair a bit so it wasn’t dripping. He mostly dried off, then just wrapped the towel around his waist. Dean gathered his clothes, then both her piles of clothes as she wrapped her towel around her, over her chest. “Come on,” he smiled, nodding toward the door.

She again bit her lip, trying to keep from smiling more than she already was but followed him. The hallway floor was cold under her bare feet and she shivered a little. Something she’d never done was pleasure herself. That might sound weird to some but with the path of revenge she’d gone on, it just wasn’t part of her priorities. She’d been lost in thought as she followed him, watching the ways his muscles flexed while he walked, wanting to touch him, and that made her smile again. At least the fear had retreated, she thought to herself, then looked down at the floor. She took a deep breath, feeling more anticipation now, almost bumping into him when he stopped, not having been paying attention. So, as a save, she just wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her body against his back, then kissed along the back of his shoulder.

He groaned when he felt her lips against his skin and closed his eyes for a moment, his hand on the doorknob to his room, the other holding their clothes. His cock twitched under his towel before he finally opened the door to his room. He also heard her giggle a little before she let go of him and slid inside his room, under his arm. Little minx, he thought to himself, smiling. Dean went into his room and closed the door, again reminding himself to go slow with her. He set their clothes on his desk before he looked back over to her. Dean took note of her expression and her body language. She was smiling a little, looking like a mix of nervous and excited. Her hair was a bit messy and some of it had fallen over her shoulders. If only she knew how utterly beautiful he found her.

“We can still stop, any time you want. Okay?” he told her softly as he stepped closer, setting his hands on her hips again.

She took a deep breath as she looked up at him, this time putting her arms over his shoulders, lacing her fingers behind his neck, tilting her head a little, “Thanks, for being so patient with me.”

He smirked happily. She could swear that was just how he smiled. Then he leaned down and kissed her, again beginning slowly, teasing at her bottom lip with his tongue. She knew he was asking for access, and she allowed it, their tongues dancing intimately as she felt him give her hips a gentle squeeze before she closed her eyes. Dean slowly moved his hand up her side, finding the top of her towel where she’d tucked it together, then, let it fall to the floor. She shivered for a moment before she felt his hands on her again, slowly, gently letting his fingers dance along her skin, tracing the curves of her body.

All he could do was remind himself to go slow, at her pace, and not move too quickly. He knew all of this was a first for her and she was the most physically sensitive woman he’d ever been with. Dean slowly moved her over to the bed, helping her sit down on the edge before he broke the kiss with her.

“Get comfortable,” he told her gently.

She took a deep breath. Her entire body felt like it was warm and the cool air was nice but it didn’t feel as though it was helping her cool off any. She bit her bottom lip before she slid herself up near the pillows, laying down on her back. For a moment, she stared at the ceiling, trying to slow her breathing down, as well as her racing heart, her hands on her stomach. Maria was comfortable with her body, so lying naked there didn’t bother her.

“You okay, Sweetheart?” he asked her, standing at the foot of the bed for a moment. One thing he didn’t want was for her to feel pushed into doing anything she wasn’t ready for.

Maria partially sat up, using her elbows as braces, tilting her head a bit, trying not to smile like a giddy teenager, “Yeah, I’m okay. Just too warm to get under the covers.”

Dean took a deep breath, taking in the sight of her lying there, in his bed, licked his lips as he sucked the bottom one between his teeth. God she was beautiful, he thought to himself. He left his towel on, hoping it would help him at least not rush. She watched him as he climbed on the bed and laid on his side, as close to her as he could, propping himself up with his elbow. Maria laid back down and looked into his eyes, a soft, appreciative smile played into her expression. However, when she felt his fingers along her skin again, she inhaled deeply.

He watched her close her eyes as his hand explored her body, slowly, tracing her curves with his fingers. The quiet moans and whimpers she was making were music to his ears. When his hand reached her stomach, where her hands were, she slowly moved them, one to her side, between them, the other to his chest, before she opened her eyes and looked up at him again. He had a soft smile as he leaned down and kissed her, going slowly. Butterfly kisses, she thought to herself as she closed her eyes again, kissing him back, remembering to breathe between them. She felt his hand move further down along her stomach, then moaned into the kiss when his fingers began tracing her tattoo.

Dean began kissing along her jaw, moving to her neck, slowly as he slid his hand further down, then along the top of her thigh. He felt the muscles in her thigh tense for a moment, then moved his hand down, along her inner thigh. She wanted to say something, anything about how intense his touch felt, but the only thing that came out of her mouth was his name, in a soft, quiet moan. He smirked against her collarbone as he gently pulled at her thigh. Her legs shook a bit as she moved her them, opening them for him. For now, all she could really do, was lay there and let him touch her, the sensations more intense than she could have imagined.

For a moment, he just held her thigh, gently but firmly before he looked into her eyes again, “Sweetheart, if you want to stop, just let me know,” he whispered, sincerely.

She took a deep breath, meeting his gaze, “I know. It’s okay…” she managed, through heavy breaths. It felt like wherever he touched it sent electricity through her nerves and straight to her core, and her body felt hot. She knew the technical terms for all of it, so knew it was normal and she was enjoying all of it in ways she had never imagined she would.

He leaned down, kissing her again, as his hand slid slowly up her inner thigh, brushing his fingers along her skin. She moaned into the butterfly kisses but the moment his fingers touched that little bundle of nerves, her body moved on its own. Her back arched and her nails dug a bit into his chest, as she felt what she could only describe as a coil in her stomach tighten. Dean groaned when he felt her nails, deepening the kiss with her, and she reciprocated. He slowly made circles on the little bundle, feeling her body tensing, quickly, as well as her breathing becoming heavy and hard. He slid his finger down, along her slit. God, she was so wet, he smirked into the kiss as she whimpered with his movements. He slowly slid one finger inside her but didn’t go deep, just a little to tease her as his thumb found her clit again, pressing and circling it slowly. It hit her, overtaking all her senses as that coil snapped inside her. He felt her clench around his finger and he helped her ride out the first orgasm of her entire life.

Maria’s body was shaking when he pulled away from the kiss and looked down at her. She was out of breath, her chest heaving, little droplets of sweat along her forehead, and body. He didn’t move his hand from where it was but stayed still as he looked down at her, smiling a little. Dean was rock hard and God did he want her. He wanted to feel her wrapped around his cock with her walls quivering and throbbing as he was deep inside her, but one thing Dean was good at, was restraint.

When she finally caught her breath, she looked over and up at him, speechless. All he could do was smile. He still hadn’t moved his hand away, “Can I do something else? Or, would you rather I stopped?” he asked in an intimate whisper, seeing the desire still in her eyes.

If only he’d asked her a simple yes or no question, she thought to herself, barely able to think with his hand where it was and how her body still felt like it was tingling all over, “The… uhh… the first one,” she answered, attempting to think through how her body felt.

He began kissing along her neck, slowly moving down her body, occasionally moving his thumb on her clit as her body moved on its own again. Her hips barely thrust into his touch. He smirked against her skin as he kissed down her chest, along the top of her breast, before he teased her nipple with his tongue. Her back arched again as she moaned his name, music to his ears, taking her nipple in his mouth, sucking, licking, even nibbling a little, loving the sounds that came from her mouth.

That coil in her stomach began building again with what he was doing and she moaned his name again. He felt her walls beginning to tighten around his finger, so he moved from her nipple and kissed tenderly down her stomach, moving his body as well. She was attempting to catch her breath when he left her nipple alone, but the cool air of his room against the dampness he’d left behind, kept it hard, and tingly.

Dean repositioned himself so that he was between her legs, gently spreading them further apart as his lips moved along her tattoo, causing her to moan again. He smirked against her skin again, kissing further down, then flicked his tongue where his thumb had been. She half sat up, and he glanced up at her, but he didn’t move. He watched her breathing heavily, then gently flicked his tongue over her little bundle of nerves again. It was almost too much for her, the sensation. Not in an overstimulation way, but the way electricity shot through her entire body, hitting every nerve along the way. She put her knees up, still half sitting up, and looked down at him finally.

He took note of the desire in her eyes and wrapped his other arm around her thigh, to hold her in place, firmly but gently before he sucked her clit into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue. He never took his eyes off of her, then hummed, causing her to scream out his name as her body shook and she clenched around the finger he still had inside her. She had tried to squirm away from him, but he held her as he helped her ride out the waves of her orgasm, feeling how her body shook and spasmed in his grasp. She tasted amazing and he groaned at the thought of being inside her. His groan against her clit made her body spasm again before she lay flat on her back, out of breath.

Dean barely moved from where he was, “You okay Sweetheart?” he asked, smirking and proud of himself. But at the same time, he felt something else. He was her first, with all of this and that pulled at something in his heart.

“My God Dean…” she replied through a heavy breaths.

He chuckled a little, “And think, we’ve barely done anything,” he teased her playfully.

She looked down at him, furrowing her brow with a playful glare, “Smartass,” she teased him and laid her head back on the pillow again, still out of breath.

Dean smirked, then slowly slid a second finger inside her, still not going deep. He could feel her hymen and wasn’t about to break that without her consent.

“Mmmmm….” she moaned, her hips moving to meet his fingers, almost wanting to feel them deeper inside her.

He took a deep breath, gently stroking her thigh as he leaned his head on her other one, “If I go deeper… it might hurt, but not for long. I hope at least. I’m not sure how your sensitivity will affect that,” he told her, in the most comforting way and stopped moving his fingers. He wanted her to be able to think straight.

She took several slow, deep breaths. Maria knew what he was asking, telling her. She hadn’t planned to go that far and part of her felt nervous again. Dean felt the shift in how she was feeling, so he moved so that he was lying beside her again, slowly removing his fingers. He did lick them clean though, making her chuckle a little.

“I told you, your pace,” he smiled down at her. He was rock hard and he did want her but he wasn’t about to push her.

She took another, slow deep breath and looked up at him, pursing her lips together. The softness in his expression made her smile a little and the fire of desire in his eyes made her muscles tense in want. Maria bit her bottom lip as she turned onto her side to face him so he slid his hand onto her hip. First, she set her hand on his chest, as she looked into his eyes, then let her hand move down his body, feeling his muscles tense and flex under her touch. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, trying not to moan at how soft her touch was against his skin.

There had been plenty in her research earlier that had helped her understand not only what he wanted but also what he needed. She leaned closer, kissing his neck, moving her hand further down, and opened his towel. Her fingers played along his skin and she made sure not to tickle him as she moved lower still. He gripped her hip a little tighter when he felt the side of her hand brush against his hard cock, making it twitch. She smiled against the skin of his chest as she moved her hand so that her fingers started at his base, teasing up the side of his shaft, slowly, then back down the top of it. A low growl rumbled from his chest.

She gently wrapped her hand around him, not firmly, not yet. She moved her hand, up and down his shaft, causing him to moan again. He reached down and stopped her though, taking a moment to breathe before he looked at her.

“You don’t have to,” he tried to tell her, a bit gruffly, and she looked at him somewhat puzzled.

“But… I want to,” she replied, still slightly confused as to why he’d stop her.

He bit his lip before he let go of her hand, then gently moved her a bit so that her left foot was on the bed, her knee bent, and he slid his hand down, cupping her heat. Her hand twitched, gripping him a little firmer and he kissed her, deeply. Dean slid two fingers inside her but before he could stop, just before her hymen, she rolled her hips, pushing his fingers deeper inside her. There was minimal pain with how wet she was, but she still had to take a deep breath. He didn’t move his fingers and leaned his forehead against hers.

“Just breathe Sweetheart,” he told her softly.

She took a couple of slow, deep breaths. He felt her walls involuntarily clenching and unclenching around his fingers at the breaking of her hymen but also due to the spot his fingers had hit, within her. Dean waited until she relaxed before he slowly moved his fingers a little deeper, then slid them partially out. He did that for a few strokes until he felt her hips move into his hand, which pushed his fingers even deeper inside her. She moaned quietly, slowly moving her hand over his cock again as it twitched in her hand. Dean continued to go slow with his fingers, and once he was buried, knuckle deep, he curled his fingers, eliciting a moan as she arched her back, gripping him tighter. He growled lowly as he leaned down and kissed her.

This time the kisses were deeper, more passionate, and needy. He moved his hips with her hand as she moved her hips with his fingers. His thumb found her clit again, and as he rubbed it, he slid a third finger inside her, causing her to pull away from the kiss and moan his name. Neither of them had planned on this going this far, let alone further. She was tight around his fingers, and if she wanted more, he’d have to stretch her out or he knew he’d hurt her, and that was the last thing he wanted.

He slowed his movements and looked down at her again just as she looked up at him, a bit puzzled, but completely lost in the passion, “You okay?” she asked him, through a heavy breath.

Dean took a deep breath, “Yeah. I’m okay,” he replied softly, smiling a little. He wanted to ask her so badly to be inside her but didn’t want to push her.

She stopped moving her hand and tilted her head, just a bit, then bit her lip. She wasn’t sure how to ask him. Everything that went through her mind sounded completely stupid. So, she moved her hand off of his cock, then shifted a little and slid her arm under his side. That had made him move a little, lifting his side off the bed. She took the opportunity and used her arm to gently nudge him closer to her. He practically held his breath.

“You sure?” he asked, still checking in with her as his heart began to race at the thought.

She bit her lip, trying to keep herself from smiling too much, and nodded her head. Maria did want him but it was far beyond a physical level, and she knew it. Dean’s heart was pounding in his chest as he moved so that he was over her, still holding himself up with his arm, his fingers still inside her. He leaned down and kissed her as she put her arms around him, holding his body against hers. Go slow, he reminded himself again, moaning into the heated kiss. Dean played with her for a few more moments before he slid his fingers from her, now using both his elbows to hold himself up. She felt his hardness pressed against her thigh as he shifted between her legs, and she then felt him pressed against her core. Her walls clenched around nothing feeling the heat of his cock along her slit and clit.

Dean moved his hips so that he rubbed against her, and she attempted to arch her back again, moaning at the contact, but with their bodies pressed against each other, she didn’t move far. She moved her hips with his, then slid them down, just enough to where she felt his head at her entrance. He pulled away from the kiss and looked into her eyes, a silent question. She nodded, slowly moving her hips so that his head slid inside her a little. They both moaned at the feeling. He took a deep breath as he inched further inside her, pausing at times, giving her time to adjust to the feeling.

She felt like she was on fire, the coil in her stomach threatened to snap at any moment, just with the way he inched inside her. It felt more amazing than she could have ever imagined and she dug her nails into his back. Every time he made a noise it only turned her on further. All her nerves felt as though they were not only completely exposed but also electrified. When he finally bottomed out, he just stayed there, both of them breathing heavily for a moment as he laid his forehead against her shoulder. She felt so good wrapped around his cock he thought he’d come if he moved and needed a moment to calm down. Then she felt him twitch inside her, making her moan quietly, then rolled her hips, pushing him deeper.

Dean began moving, slowly at first, halfway out before going back deep inside her. Her nails dug into his back as he did so, and she moved her hips to meet his. The movements of their bodies only held her on the verge, never tipping her over. The whimpers and moans that came out of her mouth were music to his ears. He shifted his body again, so that he was more on his knees, holding her hips as he stayed deep inside her. He ground against her, hitting that sweet spot deep inside and she came undone, moaning his name. She clenched around him, and then her walls fluttered, clenching as her hips moved of their own volition, chasing the waves of her climax. He moaned her name, attempting to help her ride out her orgasm, but it was too much for him and he came, buried deep inside her, only intensifying her release.

He collapsed over her, barely able to hold himself up so he didn’t crush her with his weight. Both of them were breathing heavily and she held him close, in a gentle embrace. It had been powerful for both of them, neither wanting to move away from the other. Her body was shaky, still spasming occasionally, her walls clenched around him from time to time for the next minute, causing him to twitch inside her. That made her moan quietly when it happened.

Dean eventually slipped himself out of her and laid on his side next to her for a moment, just looking down at her, his eyes searching her expression, worried she may have regretted going so far so fast. She just smiled softly up at him, then caressed his cheek with her hand.

“I’m okay,” she told him, almost lovingly.

He smiled a bit, moving some of her hair behind her ear, then softly letting his hand move down her arm and rest on her hip, “So, no regrets then?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She giggled a little, “No. No regrets,” she replied, then bit her lip for a moment, “Dean… thank you… for being my first,” she told him, this time it was lovingly.

Dean leaned down and kissed her softly, intimately. She knew what he was trying to say and she kissed him back. Once the two caught their breath, Dean helped clean them both up. She found the gesture endearing. Then the two cuddled up, on his bed, under his covers. Sleep found them quickly and she’d completely forgotten she’d be meeting with Mari in her dreams that night.

----------------------------------------- A/N: This is my first attempt at SMUT, lol. Hope it's okay and you guys enjoyed it. I'm always up for some constructive criticism so feel free to leave me a comment. Thanks. Chapter 24 - Apple Pie

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch

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prismatoxic · 10 months

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this is going to be a very long and very personal post, but i've been thinking about it for a while. it's about my old FP i mention sometimes.

it's almost 4k words long, so. be prepared for that.

i got this question on retrospring a few days after paris blew up on me.

it is a very innocuous message. probably from a friend, maybe from a stranger; i won't know unless they tell me. it's the last question i ever answered on retrospring, though i have gotten harassment since that i did not answer, forcing me to shut off anonymous messages.

the exact timestamp is Sunday, May 29th. the last time paris messaged me was Tuesday, May 24th. i had to go into our old server to find that date. i don't have a good memory, but i also hate to look at anything from their old account. so, the message on retrospring: a seemingly insignificant event, but dated so close to the breakdown that is serves as a much more accessible reminder of how long it's been.

"about 1 year ago" is the immediately visible timestamp on the message.

2 years ago, paris was my best friend.

though, thinking about it, maybe that isn't true. it isn't what i called them. mikee is my best friend, and i consider jesse to be there as well. i have never wanted to dethrone them from that spot. that term is special to me. (see, now, why my earlier post mocked myself wanting to be everyone's best friend? i won't even use the title for more than 2 people.)

no, i called paris my "queerplatonic partner" or my "platonic soulmate". qpp, usually. in hindsight it is so blatantly clear that i was obsessed, that i was attached in such an unhealthy way; i did not recognize myself as having BPD at the time. so, in the end, paris was not my qpp, nor any manner of soulmate. they were my "FP", or Favorite Person: a BPD term i would say is akin to "hyperfixation", but on someone you personally know.

i don't want to openly pass judgement on paris here, because that's not why i'm writing this. they're long gone and goading people to be as upset as i am serves no purpose. however, i will say this: they encouraged my behavior. my obsession. i believed, in a sense, that the pedestal i had put them on was in some way parallel to the one they had me on.

there was no pedestal under me, though.

paris and i met sometime in September of 2020. potentially on the 15th, as that is when i created our roleplay server. it was in a proship fandom server for a website i used to moderate. (i don't know if that site is ever going to manage to get finished, now, but i still have hope.) having just gotten very into souyo, i was hunting for roleplay partners, and said as much in some channel or another. paris, at the time, was playing P4G for the very first time. we got to talking. i made our roleplay server, and for two years, we would only ever talk therein.

today, there are 77 threads in that server for different roleplay plots. some are very long; others, very short. i was (and am) unable to focus on any one thing for any real length of time, but paris was accommodating. they were happy to do new plots as i came up with them, and they pitched their own from time to time. most of them are souyo; a handful are for our bancho triplet au; there are some akeshus, and one or two banpegos. we came up with a lot of ideas. a lot of aus. sometimes we'd redo an idea; sometimes we'd branch off from something we'd done before.

we roleplayed every day. i knew their schedule and they knew mine. our responses were quick and snappy, and if we couldn't keep up, we'd talk about it. we talked A LOT. very rarely on the phone or VC, usually in text. they do not live in the US, but we exchanged numbers anyway. we talked so much and so often that it drowned a lot of my other relationships out; i can be very single-minded in my obsessions. i almost lost several people.

i almost lost the love of my life.

in the summer of 2021, paris was taking a trip to the united states to get vaccinated for Covid, and they made plans to stop and see multiple people. in between other plans, they made just enough time to see me for 3 days. they were seeing their older friends for much longer, but i didn't question it, i didn't worry. i was so sure that i was so special to paris. i trusted them so much that the fact that they refused to allow me to interact with their core friend group just bounced right off of me.

in retrospect? ouch.

the visit was fine. paris finally convinced me that i was allowed to be disabled, that i was allowed to rely on support like the electric carts at stores and stuff. they had clashed with devot in the past, but the two of them got along fine for the visit. i was so thrilled; my two most important people, getting along? what could be better? the three of us had lunch and went to ikea. then i hung out at paris's hotel the other two days.

even when they were visiting their other friends, we were talking near-constantly. at some point, my obsession reached a very unfortunate peak, and i decided that if i was that obsessed, clearly i was in love with them. they were (and are, presumably) polyamorous, and i thought maybe i was too.

this isn't a part i want to talk about very much, because it's humiliating and painful. i tried to negotiate an open relationship with devot, and as a result, i almost lost him entirely. it was a very hard time for us, and it made me realize that i loved him way more than i could ever love someone else, even paris. if pursuing paris meant i would lose devot, then i simply wouldn't pursue paris.

paris knew my intentions and knew my ultimate decision. however that made them feel, i can't say. i don't know.

you see, towards the tail end of their trip, they suffered a familial tragedy and their return home was delayed. (or maybe they did make it home, but not for very long? my memory is fuzzy and i absolutely do not want to comb through our server to find it.) their family was in the US and that's where they needed to be for a while. i don't want to go into more detail than that; it was a very personal time for them. we did not talk a lot during it. they said, "i can't carry you right now".

maybe that was a clue as to how they viewed our relationship. i don't know. i assured them i wasn't asking for that, that i could carry them, but all the same they needed their space and i gave it to them. i had permission to send messages with the understanding that there would be no response, so i did.

in lamenting my mental state during all this, jesse (you may recall him being a best friend) suggested to me that maybe i possibly, perhaps, had BPD. he explained it to me and may have also directed me to some sources. it was eye-opening. it forced me to confront my actions and alter my behavior in ways i never realized i needed to do. in terms of paris, however, it came too little, too late.

this part of the story i have told before; i mean, i've told it all before, but i think i was more descriptive at this point. as paris recovered from the tragedy and began returning to normal life, they did so increasingly without me.

conversations in our server were short and uneventful. they were not up to roleplay, which i understood; i searched for other ways for us to connect.

they abandoned their persona 4 twitter and made a new one. they claimed persona 4 had become a trigger. i don't know why, and they never explained. it seemed that the biggest connection we had was now in the past, but i was so deeply, wholeheartedly invested in our relationship that i didn't let it get me down... too much.

the thing about the decline of our relationship is that it was not all at once. it was an accumulation of things, increasingly large signs that they were done with me. the persona 4 abandonment was one of those signs. another, how they were publicly interacting with their older friends, but no longer with me. yet another; they got into no man's sky, but when i finally got my hands on a copy to play with them, they stopped playing. or maybe they just stopped posting about it.

they did not post in our server unless i prompted them first. they did speak in our server with our mutual friend priam, but... just to talk to priam. ask them for advice on the french language, mostly, for a novel they had started to write. anything i said was quickly glossed over (not by priam, though; priam and i are still friends and i love him dearly).

this went on for 7 months.

i know that figure because just before i purged my vent twitter, i went back to the very first post i'd made about the situation. i posted a lot about it... almost every day. i also cried almost every day. i was trying to take it in stride, at least publicly, but in private i was falling apart. paris, who used to like every post on my vent twitter to let me know they were reading them, had stopped doing so. they also never asked me about any of the posts, which they used to do. at some point i figured they had most likely muted my account.

it doesn't feel like it was 7 months. it feels like it was much shorter. how could i have been in so much emotional pain for 7 whole months? i know i was hiding it from everyone as best i could, i didn't even tell my therapist; how could i have done so for so long? but my vent twitter proved the timeline. 7 months.

devot's not blind, of course. he knew something was up. i very rarely told him anything about paris, a point of contention between us. i knew he didn't like them. i didn't want to make it worse. however, i am nothing if not a paper-thin pane of glass when it comes to the phrase, "are you okay?", and eventually i had to tell him why i was so depressed.

he didn't know how to help. the only thing he could do was provide me with the matches; i had to burn the bridge myself.

he told me, early on in my relationship with paris, that they had told him something. (i didn't know they'd spoken outside of my personal server at all.) they told him that my obsession with them wouldn't last, that eventually i would find another interest and move on.

it was a gut-punch. our relationship meant everything to me, but they only saw me as an obsessed little fanboy, at least at the time. and it felt ironic, because they had moved on from me, not the other way around.

paris was (and presumably is) very serious about the privacy of 1 on 1 conversations. they never ever divulged things that happened between them and someone else that seemed in any way "personal." they expected this of others, as well; they told devot what they said in confidence. of course, his loyalties lie with me and absolutely not with them, so he told me anyway.

now, let's step back, for a moment. i want to try and paint a picture of what it was like being in my shoes.

i trusted paris. everything they had ever said to me was taken at face-value and believed. they had proven to me (or so i thought) that they always spoke their mind, were honest, and cared about me very deeply. i trusted them to tell me if something was wrong. in those 7 months, i asked them directly if anything was bad between us. they assured me we were fine. all the while, i knew they were hanging out with their older (real?) friends and generally ignoring me. i knew they had come to loathe the media that brought us together. i knew that they didn't want to play games with me, even their supposed favorite game.

i knew that they were shutting me out.

but paris never communicated this. they were visibly moving on without me, but i trusted them so much that i willfully turned a blind eye to it, waiting for the day they'd be "ready" to talk to me again. then devot told me about what they'd said, and finally, i started to split.

splitting is another BPD term, though it has its uses in general psychology as well. it is primarily a defense mechanism, mostly against The Big BPD Fear, abandonment. splitting is to see a situation and black and white and take a side. there was no longer nuance to the situation; there was paris is my friend, or paris is my enemy.

i was reluctant to let it happen. i resisted it. splitting and my natural empathy are extremely at odds with one another; i tried to convince my brain that paris was still my friend, that there were reasons for all of this. these were conscious thoughts, but the split was not a conscious choice.

i resented paris. either they apologized to me, and fixed things, or they didn't and that was that, it was over. very new to the concept that these were unproductive thoughts, i didn't know how to combat them.

i made a tweet on my vent twitter.

as i said earlier, i had come to assume that paris had simply muted my vent twitter; they had gone through so much, clearly they couldn't carry me, as they said... so i made a vague tweet that wasn't really vague, assuming they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

to paraphrase, as the tweet no longer exists: "you said once that i would get bored of you and move on, but you're the one who moved on from me"

they had not muted my twitter, they were just ignoring it. i know this because they finally messaged me first, and it was about that tweet.

the first volley of messages, sent in our roleplay server, was very clipped but mostly civil. they were disappointed in me for resorting to such a low tactic as to post a passive aggressive tweet instead of coming to them about my concerns.

(i had been having no luck getting them to talk to me; our last exchange in that server was nearly a month prior and lasted about 6 messages. perhaps you can imagine why i didn't think taking my concerns to them would work.)

i was not present when they sent these messages, and didn't get to say anything before they left the server. i did return to my computer not long after, however, and realized, with equal parts regret and relief, that it was over.

then they dm'd me, something they had not done since we very first started talking.

the dms were vicious. they had only gotten angrier after sending the first wave of messages and wanted me to know. devot had betrayed them by telling me what they said, and i betrayed them by repeating it on my vent.

i watched each message roll in, one after the other, numb. i considered replying. i never did.

they called me selfish. hungry for attention. everything was always about me. they said all that happened was they stopped initiating contact, and i had the nerve to claim it was abandonment? in the server, they said they expected me to tell them if i had an issue with them. in the dms, they professed to feelings they had never told me they had towards me.

they said they didn't know what they were even trying to accomplish, that i wouldn't even care. the messages stopped.

their twitter was abandoned; in time, their discord was as well. they never blocked me, simply... vanished. their friend list was wiped clean, their icon blacked out. i think it only didn't happen immediately because they needed to retract their presence from everything they modded and collaborated on. why not delete the discord? i don't know. i'll never know.

it's still there, black icon, no friends, no profile. our exchanges are intact. every other account i ever knew them to have is abandoned as well. if i had to guess, they don't go by "paris" anymore. they told me they had changed before, that "paris" was the longest-running identity they had. they loved being "paris". i'm sorry i ruined it, genuinely.

so, May 24th, 2022. a Tuesday; devot would have been off work. i don't remember if i cried. i think i was just sort of bitterly relieved. i think i said "good riddance" on my vent, after blocking their accounts.

that's the thing about defense mechanisms, i guess. they can work. yet, as time passed, the full weight of it all came bearing down on me. not just the end, but every part before it: the grief of it all, of losing paris, piece by piece until there was nothing left. them claiming that the "only thing" they had done was stop engaging with me first was laughable, but maybe to them, that really was the truth. i said it before: it was an accumulation of things. straws on the camel's back, you know how it goes.

it was never just about the roleplaying, or even the conversations. i tried so hard, for so long, to find something else we could do. i trusted them when they said we were fine. i trusted them when they told me they loved me. i trusted them in every way i could trust a person.

paris said once that they didn't believe in empathy. they said it was essentially "mind reading", that there was no way to know how another person was feeling, so how could you know you felt the same? hyper-empathetic, i stayed quiet. they were smarter than me, and more worldly than me; they probably knew better.

"about 1 year ago," says retrospring. i remember when it said only days. when it said a month. when it said 7 months. (that might be when i made my last post on the subject.)

shortly before that day, i finally told my therapist what was happening. it was my very last appointment with him; i'd been seeing him for 4 years. he was moving onto a private practice and could no longer take my insurance.

i said it had all began about a year after paris and i met, and he posited a theory: perhaps it was the honeymoon phase. those tend to last about a year, he said. maybe they had simply gotten bored. he did not say it unkindly (he was very good at his job, and i trusted him very much), but it did strike a chord in me. i thought maybe it was too simple an explanation, though, and after all, we were qpps. how could they just get bored?

i don't think we were qpps at that point. (arguably, we never were, but as a label we shared, i think they had agreed on it at least for a while.)

the explosion a scant few days later did not feel like boredom, it felt like vitriol. like resentment. it felt like they had wanted to say those things for a long time. but it had been 7 months since the possible end of this "honeymoon phase," so maybe. i guess i'll never know.

i have become very bad at keeping up with roleplay. even if it's the same short style, or even if they let me switch between ideas constantly. even if it's souyo. even if they're my friend. even if i'm having a great time. at some point, the mental block rises up, and even though i'm not thinking about paris, i know that's where it came from. devot is the only one largely immune to this effect; we still roleplay constantly, though i do at times fall into slumps even so.

i keep trying; i love to roleplay. it's my favorite hobby. but every time i try, it stops dead by my own hand. even if i'm actively trying to prevent it.

...but otherwise, i think i'm doing better.

my approach to relationships is different. i know what i'm capable of, if i get carried away. i'm careful, and i try to keep track of my emotions about a person. i also trust people a lot less, and fear abandonment a lot more, but i'm aware of it and trying to do something about it.

devot and i are doing much better; he doesn't have to compete with anyone anymore. i have a lot more time and emotional energy for him. i love him very much, and i'm so grateful he stuck with me. i'd be nowhere without him.

the roleplay server i made for myself and paris sits at the very bottom of my server list, tucked into a folder with the server we shared with priam. i don't want to lose the memories, but i never even look at them, so it probably doesn't matter either way. maybe someday i'll use some of those old ideas. i already did, with one; one of our roleplays was the basis for my oc nate, who i made well after paris was gone.

i do not ever want to see or speak to paris again. luckily, the feeling is most certainly mutual.

tomorrow, in about 12 hours, i will be speaking to my new therapist. he is the second i have had since the one i had for 4 years, and the first since then that i actually think i mesh well with. i think i'll tell him all of this. hell, i might even read the post to him. we'll see.

is there a point to all of this? kind of. mostly it's for me, a retrospective of what happened. it's also just informative for the people closest to me who i have likely not told everything in this much detail. if you read it and get something out of it, that's great.

it's been "about 1 year," according to retrospring. i think i like that metric better than the exact timestamps of paris's final messages to me that discord gives. the era of "tox and paris" burned bright and burned hard, and died out very quickly. it's probably for the best. i am healing, and i don't know if i'd have ever gotten better if they kept me around. there is a long way to go, but... i have hope, honestly. i think i'll be okay.

#tox.txt #this is wildly personal i'm not kidding. you don't have to read it if you're not interested #it's about BPD and obsession and grief and i'm really only posting it publicly bc like...#idk man i want it to be somewhere i can share i guess. this one doesn't go into the void #tagging so i can find it later...#The Paris Saga

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tivajunkie · 2 years

Text

I’m not claiming this to be the most fantastic one shot you’ve ever read, but hopefully it’s at least decent!

The elevator doors opened, and Jess shot out like a rocket, headed for the doors to autopsy.

Her words tumbled out in a rush. “Okay, McGee said you were alright but I still had to come down and make…” the rest of the sentence died on her lips as Jess took in the sight before her.

She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding as she turned her focus to what had stopped her in her tracks. Her boyfriend was ripped. No, no…he was perfect.

She didn’t usually go for the guys who worked out all the time and had perfect abs, but she this was an exception she would absolutely make.

Jimmy cleared his throat, snapping Jess out of her trance and bringing a blush to her face when she realized she had been caught staring. Jimmy too was blushing under her gaze.

He gave her a soft smile. “Like what you see?”

Jess blushed harder, but decided to be bold. Besides, one word answers were about all her brain could handle right now. “Yes.”

Jimmy’s soft smile became a smirk. “I can tell.”

At that, Jess rolled her eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head. As much as I would love to talk more about what I like,” she flicked her eyes up and down his torso, “I actually just came down here to check on you. McGee said you were fine but I still had to see for myself.”

Jimmy softened at that. “Oh we are so coming back to this conversation later. But I am fine. I just slipped in the mud trying to get down the hill to our victim. I’m just a little scraped up is all.”

Conveniently, Jimmy left out the part about how he was running away from what he thought was their crazed suspect when he slipped. Turns out, it was just a fox that had been scared by all the activity around it. Jess would read the report later. For now, he wanted Jess’ view of him to be as unblemished as possible.

Lifting himself off the table, Jimmy pulled on a new shirt and readjusted his glasses. He crossed the room to where Jess still stood just inside the doors and took her hands in his.

“I promise I am fine. If I was in any real danger you would have known.” He rubbed his thumbs softly over the tops of her hands and rested his forehead on hers.

“I know. I think I could use a little more of a reminder though…”

Jimmy grinned and dropped her hands to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling Jess tight to him. He held her for a long moment before pulling back just a bit.

“You’re never gonna lose me, Jess. If I ever am in danger you know I will fight like hell to get back to you.”

Before she could answer, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Not chaste but still a little much for the workplace, he poured all the things he couldn’t find the words for into the kiss.

When he drew back, Jess still had her eyes closed. After a moment she opened them, drinking him in. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Jess smiled softly. “Now, as much as I would love to continue our earlier conversation, Nick told me he was going to come looking for me if I wasn’t back in 5 minutes. The guys tease me enough already, I am not giving them any more ammo.”

Jimmy grinned. “I hear ya. I’ll come find you when it’s time to go. And then how about a post-work coffee date night?”

“Yes, please!” It was Jess’ turn to press a kiss to Jimmy’s lips, and then she headed out the door before she could get carried away.

“And by the way,” Jimmy yelled after her, “I want a hand written list of all the things you love about me tonight!”

The sound of Jess’ laugh as the elevator doors closed carried Jimmy through the rest of his day.

@hellokaelyn @eddiediaz-buckley

#well here it is!#hope it at least meets expectations lol #i’m pretty proud of it tbh #especially for a first attempt at Jess #thoughts??#I have an alternate take bouncing around that i might do at some point too #we’ll see #jemmy #jimmy x jess #knight in shining palmer #jimmy palmer #jessica knight

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fallenandthefaithless · 2 years

Text

The Winchesters 1x01 - Pilot

So now that a few days have passed and I’ve had some time to think about the episode here are my notes on The Winchesters premiere episode.

PLOT

The plot brings back the s1 framing of searching for a missing father, in this case two missing fathers - Henry and Samuel. Mary and John are both searching for their dads though in different. John is looking for answers while Mary is looking for her dad out of worry. These motives kind of mirror Sam and Dean in S1 - Sam searching for John because he wants answers about Jess’s death and Dean wants to look for John out of concern.

The plot also brings in Ada and I was really happy that she was brought in right away. I guess she’s going to kind of be like Bobby and I’m always surprised when I rewatch SPN at how long it really takes for Bobby to become a regular face so I’m really glad that they brought Ada in at the very beginning. I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get much of Ada but I’m really interested to see where they take her character. So far we’ve had her help both Samuel and Henry with research - Samuel and his research on the demon box and Henry and his research on wraiths. I wonder if there’s something there about the wraiths... I might have to think on that more.

The Vietnam flashbacks have already been related back to Purgatory here and so has the symbolism of the silver in John’s arm - a parallel to both Benny (being in John/Dean’s arm) and the hallucinations of Murphy/Cas. I also think it’s really interesting that it was a religious cross and that John used it as a weapon. Of course there’s the immediate link to Cas because of the cross but the weapon aspect reminded me of how Heaven isn’t soft and kind but the angels are weapons and are “heartless”.

CHARACTERS

Onto our new scooby gang! Heads up, there’s a strong focus on John in these notes though I briefly touch on all four of our main characters.

I really like that there’s clearly drama going on between the hunter trio. It really highlights that John has wandered into an established dynamic no matter the arguments they might currently be having. We aren’t told just yet how Mary met Carlos but I do like that it’s been left unsaid just yet. We are told that Lata met Mary through Samuel but we still haven’t been told the full story. We’ve also been told that Carlos has lost his family but I wonder where Lata’s family is. She says when John meets her that her friends call her Lata, or they would if she had friends. Why is she so alone? She seems to have known Maggie which makes me think there’s more to that story than we’ve heard.

Also, speaking of Maggie, she and Mary seemed to have been very close - like sisters. I wonder if Maggie’s father was the unknown uncle who organised Mary’s headstone.

John is being shown to be really friendly and seems to connect with people which is ironic considering in s1 of SPN he had had a falling out with pretty much everyone. And yes, John is being very friendly but I couldn’t help but notice that it seems a bit surface level. In keeping with the parallels with John/Sam and Mary/Dean, John comes across as the “normal” one who can easily bond with people while Mary is the mean one. And yet it’s to Mary that Carlos and Lata have the deeper connection. Yes, they’ve known her for longer but I can’t help but keep coming back to this. I wrote on an earlier post here that John fought alone at the end of the episode whereas Mary, Lata and Carlos worked as a team. Despite Mary wanting to push the others away she still works so well with them.

On this topic, something that stood out in my mind are the coffee scenes. In the first John brings Mary a coffee and jokes with her and she finally tells him her name. This is early on and before John meets the others and it’s framed as him connecting with Mary. Very sweet (unlike her coffee). But in comparison Mary brings the whole team coffee at the end of the episode. She has a moment with John but then also has a moment of connection with both Lata and Carlos. I just find it interesting that John’s moment is so isolated whereas Mary’s is more about bringing the team together as a unit. And yes, I know John has moments with both Carlos and Lata but I couldn’t let that thought go.

Speaking of his moments with Carlos and Lata, he has two with each of them. With Lata the first is when they first met and it’s a little flirty and it’s fun and sweet. With Carlos it’s when he gets John to exorcise the demon and jokes about getting him some new clothes. Both of these are fun and I think offer John a very lighthearted view of these people and their place in the world. Yes it’s dark but look at their bond and he’s so excited by his successful kill at the end of the episode!His second moment with both of are sadder and hint at the reality of their world. Lata is terrified before the hunt and Carlos says he lost his family and he hints at the horror about the hunters life by mentioning how awful the end will be for them.

There’s something I also wanted to note about Mary and her relationships, particularly with Carlos and Latika. Over the course of the episode we see Mary push both of them away, she won’t talk to them, she didn’t want to call Carlos etc. The last fight scene is really important with them. To start with they’re all separated - Mary is with John, Carlos left to go to the van without telling Lata and Lata doesn’t know what to do - but they all come back together and work to save Ada’s life. She reaches out to them both verbally during the coffee scene as I mentioned above which brings them back. I feel as though Mary realising that she cannot do this alone is going to be important to her story.

I cannot wait to see what happens in 1x02 and how these characters dynamics develop. I really want to see how Millie fits into the story. I want to see just how much she really knows. I can’t wait to see more of Ada’s character. And I really hope we see Deanna at some point.

#spnwin thoughts #spnwin notes #spnwin 1x01 #spnwin #john winchester #mary winchester #latika desai #carlos cervantez

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doctorstethoscope · 3 years

Text

The Right Chapter 17 || Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader

Hello my loves, just a reminder that I am still on vacation so the queue is posting this! Will respond to ur taglist requests and messages ASAP love u all :)

Read previous chapters of this fic here!

contains: canon-typical descriptions of death, violence, drug use

wordcount: 2k

You and Aaron each read Jack a book of his choosing before tucking him into bed and heading towards Aaron’s bedroom together. Bringing your pajamas into the bathroom, you change and brush your teeth with the door closed, which feels silly, given everything, but you can’t help it. Aaron slips into the bathroom as you step out, and you sit on top of the covers, hands folded in your lap, anxiously awaiting his return.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” he asks, clocking your anxiety immediately.

“Nothing, I just feel bad that I got us caught by Jack,” you confessed, looking down at the comforter.

“I couldn’t be less upset about that,” he assures you, climbing into bed beside you and taking your hand in his. “I mean, he practically told us that he already knew, even if he was a little confused.”

“That was the other thing-- sorry that marriage and all of that got brought up. I’m sure that was---”

“I’m not upset about that, either.” He interrupts you. “Did I do something to make you think I was upset?”

“No, no,” you assured him. “It’s just kind of early for that kind of stuff, I’m sure it was uncomfortable--”

“It wasn’t uncomfortable. Apparently I’ve done a bad job of expressing how strongly I care for you, and I’m sorry for that.” You go to interrupt, but he cuts you off. “I couldn’t be happier that Jack knows how much I love you. Sharing that with our people-- my son, and our team-- is not something you need to apologize for, or something I’m ashamed of. I’m thrilled to be able to love you openly. No more apologies, okay?”

Your breath caught just a little, but you hold it together. “No more apologies,” you agreed. “Aaron, it’s such a privilege to be loved by you,” you whispered, needing him to know how much his words meant to you but scared to ruin the moment. Aaron just shook his head, leaning to press a kiss to the top of your head.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” he whispers into your hair, and you close your eyes, letting the peace of his touch overwhelm you.

“There’s one more thing,” you said, after a moment.

“And it’s not an apology?” Aaron checks.

“No, it’s not an apology,” you assure him. “I wanted to thank you for sharing those pictures with Jack and me tonight. I’m sure it was emotional, but I was glad to see them. You love Haley so much. Thank you for sharing her memory with me.”

“She was the reason I got up in the morning, from the day I met her until the day she died.” Aaron tells you, and you squeeze his hand.

“Everyone knew how much you loved her, Aaron. Even after the divorce, there wasn’t a single person at the bureau who knew a man who loved his wife that much.” You assured him.

“But it wasn’t enough. I failed her, and I could fail you too.”

“No, Aaron, no you didn’t. You promised to love her for as long as you lived, and you didn’t break that promise. You didn’t promise her you’d never change, and she never promised you that she’d never change. You both changed, but you never stopped loving each other.” You told him.

“How did you know? How did you know that I never stopped loving her? Didn’t that scare you out of loving me?’ Aaron whispered.

“Aaron, the way you love her shows in everything you do. You never took a picture of her down, even after the divorce, when I’m sure they were painful to look at. You always let her know you were safe at night, and when she left you, you helped her move and made sure she had everything you needed.”

“And that doesn’t scare you? That even when she left me, I still loved her?”

“No, Aaron, it doesn’t scare me. That’s how I feel about you, so I understand.”

“You don’t mean that,” Aaron says immediately-- how could you mean that? When Haley was so refined, so beautiful, so compassionate, and he was just a man, a man with baggage and trauma and a dark past?

“Of course I do, Aaron. I never told you this, and I might be selfish in telling you now-- but in the weeks after Haley died, I went to bed at night praying that time would move backwards and that I could take her place. I’d do anything to get her back to you, even if it meant that you and I never made it here.”

“It’s an incredible privilege to be loved by you,” Aaron echoes your earlier statement, and you smile.

When you wake up the next morning, you realize that you’re never going to get a good night’s sleep without Aaron beside you again, and you love him and hate him for it in equal measure. Your anger is quickly forgotten when he rolls over and starts planting kisses across your face.

“We have to get Jack to school,” you reminded him with a smile between kisses.

“We’ve got time,” he brushes you off.

“You’ve got time, maybe. My hair is a mess from napping on your couch and I have to do my makeup,” you reminded him, planting one final kiss on his lips before rolling out of bed and heading towards the bathroom.

When you’ve gotten yourself ready for the day, you make your way out to the kitchen, were Jack is sitting in front of a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of orange juice.

“Morning, little man,” you said, ruffling his hair and smoothing it back down as you sat in the seat next to him. Aaron crosses the kitchen with two plates, putting a piece of toast with peanut butter and banana slices in front of you, and one on his own placemat.

“Thanks, honey,” You smile, taking a bite of your breakfast as he sits.

“Dad? Can we go to the soccer field tonight after work?” Jack asks as his father settles in.

“I can’t promise tonight, but we can definitely go this week, okay bud?”

“Okay.”

“Finish your breakfast, kiddo, or you’re gonna be late,” you told him, taking your plate to the sink and prepping travel mugs of coffee for you and Aaron, who shepherds Jack through the last few steps of getting out the door. You follow them down to the car and Aaron drives down the road to Jack’s school. You sit in the carpool line for a minute, listening to Jack point out his friends as they walk into the building, before Aaron pulls up to the curb and it’s Jack’s turn to get out. Aaron rolls down the window as Jack collects his things.

“It’s good to see you, Mr. Hotchner,” a peppy brunette woman who you’re pretty sure is Jack’s teacher ducks down to make eye contact with Aaron through the window.

“Good morning, Ms. Meadows.”

‘Oh, and who’s this?” Ms. Meadows says, taking note of you for the first time. Aaron introduces the two of you, and you notice her looking you up and down, almost sizing you up.

“Nice to meet you,” she says perfunctorily, turning her attention back to Aaron almost in an instant. “Did Jack tell you about the volunteer sign ups for the kids’ talent show?”

“He did, I think his Aunt Jess--”

“Oh, that’s right, Jess did mention to me that she’d be here!” Ms. Meadows interrupts. “I guess I was just hoping to get some strong FBI dads in the building to help set up the stage equipment,” she pouts, and you briefly entertain the thought of leaning over the center console and wiping the pleading look across her face.

“Well, I’ll see what I can do,” Aaron says, blissfully interrupted by Jack waiting to give him and you a kiss goodbye. The two of you kiss both of his cheeks, and he hops out of the backseat and takes off towards the main entrance.

“She was pleasant,” you note sarcastically when Aaron pulls out of the parking lot.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked, looking over at you briefly, his nose scrunched up in confusion.

“She’s clearly into you, Aaron.” You said, knowing it was obvious and he was just being oblivious.

“What? No she’s not,” Aaron shook his head.

“Oh, Mr. Hotchner, please come save me from the Woodbridge Elementary School talent show. I need your big, strong muscles to move all this heavy equipment because I’m just a docile young lady,” you mimicked Jack’s teacher in an exaggerated tone.

“Now, if she had said that, then maybe I would have thought she was into me,” Aaron laughs at your dramatics.

“She gave me a nasty look. She doesn’t like that she has competition.” You argue.

“She doesn’t have competition. I mean, there is no competition. There’s just you, and that’s how I like it,” he said, taking one hand off the steering wheel to grab yours and bring it to his lips.

Garcia is waiting for you both in Aaron’s office when you arrive at work.

“Is everything okay?” You ask her immediately, feeling Aaron shift his body towards yours.

“I finished digging up everything I could on Josh, if you want to see it.” She tells you both, and you look at Aaron. Truth be told, you don’t really want to know, but being disgusted and informed is probably better than being uninformed and caught off guard.

“Come on, we’ll go review it in your office.” Aaron said, stepping aside to let Garcia lead the way. Once she is a few paces ahead, he leans down to whisper in your ear. “I’ve got you. You’re safe, and you just tell me if you need to take a break, okay?”

You nodded, and Aaron place a comforting hand on your back as the two of you made your way down to the batcave.

“Okay, so, just going through the highlights,” Garcia starts, clicking at tabs and pulling them up on her assortment of monitors throughout the room. “Starting a few weeks before you left, I noticed that Josh was calling and texting the same number a lot-- but only when you all were off fighting crime. Of course, I assumed that this absolute peach of a man had somehow conned not one but two women who had to be decidedly out of his league, but it turns out that wasn’t the case. He’s been doing coke, and the number leads to his dealer.”

“Fuck, again?” You interrupted her.

“He was doing coke when the two of you were together?” Aaron asked, surprised.

“Not for a while, or so I thought. The coke was what made him violent-- I told him it was the drugs or me, and when he told me that he’d picked me, I believed him.” You explained. “He must have been high when he showed up that night-- he was always an asshole but showing up like that was out of character.”

“So, with you out of the picture, it seems like the coke usage has increased a lot. Like, from a weekly to a daily thing, a lot. He’s going out at night, racking massive credit card debt. He hasn’t purchased a firearm or anything that indicates that he might be planning something violent, but he’s definitely acting impulsive.”

“Was he sober or high when he sent the flowers?” Aaron asks.

“Sir, I don’t think he’s been sober since you took all of her stuff out of the apartment,” Garcia responds.

“He’s only going to get more aggressive and out-of-touch with reality the longer this bender lasts,” you note, clinically, as if you were talking about a case halfway across the country and as if your future wasn’t hanging in the balance.

“We’ll keep an eye on it, and we’ll be ready. Garcia, can you print out a full copy of this and get it on my desk?”

“Are you sure? The full copy is really long, it’s got to be--”

“I’m sure, Garcia. Thank you.”

tagging: @hotforhotchner11 @romanogersendgame @wanniiieeee @zheezs14 @greeneyedblondie44 @angelic-kisses13 @baumarvel @ssamorganhotchner @ijustwannaread2k19 @rexit-mo @msmarvelsmain @qtip-blog @averyhotchner @the-modernmary @itsmytimetoodream @choppa-style @infinite-tides @isthatme-thatsme @g-l-pierce @bakugouswh0r3 @ssahotchie

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x you #hotch x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotch x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fic

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talesfromlissom · 2 years

Text

I posted 138 times in 2021

117 posts created (85%)

21 posts reblogged (15%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.2 posts.

I added 79 tags in 2021

#hanzo shimada - 15 posts

#hanzo x reader - 13 posts

#hanzo shimada x reader - 11 posts

#hanzo - 6 posts

#genji x reader - 6 posts

#jesse mcree x reader - 6 posts

#mcree x reader - 6 posts

#overwatch x reader - 6 posts

#genji shimada x reader - 5 posts

#genji shimada - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 70 characters

#(y/n): *smacks hanzo* this bad boy can fit so much fucking angy in him

My Top Posts in 2021

Converse

Summary: Hanzo returns to your small apartment in NY with alot on his mind.

A/N: This has been in my drafts for a while now lol. P.S this takes a few days after the 'Dragons' cinematic.

“So. Let me get this straight.” You began, reaching into the fridge to pull out the last carton of milk. “You went to Shimada Palace to honor your brother again, and you were attacked by an assassin..?”

Hanzo doesn’t answer you. He’s currently face first into the pillow on your couch.

“But...it turns out that the assassin was your...brother…?”

Hanzo points a finger gun at you, before his arm slumps back onto the floor.

“Huh. Plot Twist~” You sang. Hanzo picks his head up from the couch, glaring.

“What? I’m just trying to lighten the mood, Han.” You mutter. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that. M’ sorry.”

Hanzo huffs, and turns away from you.

“I am a fool. Of course, he survived. His body was missing when I went to...retrieve it so I could bury him properly.” Hanzo trails off.

You fill your bowl of cereal with the milk, before making your way over to the couch and sitting on the end of it.

“Y’know, maybe...this is a good thing.” You said, taking a mouthful of cereal. “Ya maght gat tah shance ta radaam yaself.”

Hanzo groans. “Please, do not speak with your mouth full. It’s repulsive.”

You swallow. “Piss off, this is my apartment, I can do whatever I want.”

Hanzo turns away again.

A silence fills your living room/kitchen, causing you to sigh. Placing your cereal down onto the coffee table in front of you, you sliding onto the couch.

You place a hand on his forearm.

“I meant what I said earlier though.” You whisper. “You went on this whole journey because you thought you killed him, and here he is...alive, and clearly well because he did try to kill you, so…”

Silence.

Hanzo turns. “So what?”

“Hanzo, c’mon. You used to tell me you’d do anything to get your brother back, hell you even tried to talk to a damn necromancer to get him back.”

“Do not remind me.”

“I’ll remind you of that till the day I die Hanzo.” You reply. “But...really, Genji is alive, so that means one of two things.”

Hanzo raises an eyebrow, turning to lay on his back.

“It means you get your redemption by trying to rekindle the relationship you two once had.” You pause. “Or you can sit on my couch brooding, and eating all my food, thus making yourself fat. Take your pick, Han.”

Hanzo chuckles slightly, but his face returns to brood.

“How?” He asks. “I nearly killed him, I do not understand why he would even want to come near me, other than trying to lay me to rest.”

You shrug. “Dunno. Maybe you should ask him.”

“I do not have his contact information, and I doubt he will give it to me.”

See the full post

67 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 23:24:02 GMT

Ha ha, I need to stop deleting asks that I think I have done but don’t

?: Yazuka Hanzo is busy working all day, so (Y/N) requests a day off, however he gets mad about it and the two fight. They make up though and apologize :)

» You were busy, he was busy. That’s just how things were, it was so utterly rare for you two to find the time to actually spend time together. Gift giving wasn’t enough, and him brushing his thumb against the back of your hand under the table during meetings weren’t cutting it either.

» So when you told him that he had the day off, you wished you had noticed how off his mood was that day. He was absolutely furious, which was stupid. You two fought and with a few choice words from him and a few of your own, you slept on the couch that night.

» As a stubborn man, and because conveying any emotion is a sign of ‘weakness’, it takes a day or two to try and get through to him. Eventually he realizes that you’ve stopped trying to talk to him, the bed has gotten too cold when he swallows his pride and opens the door.

» It’s almost comical, seeing him dressed in an oversized t-shirt, your t-shirt actually, despite the fact that he has a huge closet of clothing for every occasion. If the clan elders saw him like that, they’d probably throw a fit, say he looks ‘undignified’. He chuckles as he can practically hear you say something that had to do with them ‘Sucking it up’, and somewhere in that sentence ‘buttercup’ is involved.

» You, like him, are a light sleeper, so when you see him hovering above you, there isn’t any words exchanged. Because you just know, and he loves + hates that about you. Despite him being and training his entire life to be completely unreadable, you can read him like an open book.

» There’s a silent string of apologies as he climbs into your arms and rest his head on your chest. Your fingers run through his hair, and you mutter something into his ear. There’s no verbal apologies, but you don’t need them. He mutters something about actually taking the day off the next morning, and to hell with the elders is what you add. He ends up laughing so hard he wakes up half the castle. It’s 3 am Hanzo, calm down.

──•~❉+❉~•──

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68 notes • Posted 2021-02-16 20:16:41 GMT

Hi, can I get Genji Shimada for the SFW alphabet ask? Not sure if you do all the letters in one ask, but if not, just pick your favorites. Thanks in advance <3

Fun fact about me, I used to be a Genji main back when I first started playing Overwatch :P

A-Z SFW Alphabet (Genji)

A (Affection) - How affectionate are they? How affectionate are you? When do you guys show affection mainly? His PDA in public is similar to his brother you two don’t need to show affection for other people to know you’re together. They just know. You two are fiercely loyal to each other. Sometimes it scares people how dedicated you two are to each other. But when you two are alone OH BOY.

B (Breakups) - If they were to break up with you how would they do it? What would their reasons be? He’s a ride-or-die kind of person with everybody he’s involved with, but if he had to break up with you he’d pull you aside and tell you. He’d ask to remain friends, but if you didn’t want too that’d be fine. His reasons depend. It could be because he thought he was ready for something this intimate but he wasn’t, or it could be something more simple; like you two not being compatible.

C (Cooking) - Who does the cooking? Who's the worse cook? Surprisingly, Genji is a good cook. The downside is that he makes a mess of the kitchen whenever he’s in it. However, he’s very good with a knife. He’s a cyborg, so all of the vegetables or meats he cuts are exactly the same, no matter what arm he uses. He learned how to cook while he was on the run after Blackwatch, and when he went to the Shambali Temple to find peace within himself because he was one of the few people who learned how to cook. You can cook as well, and often you two cook together. You do have to make up for Genji’s dullness of taste, so you have to make two separate pots of stew or whatever you're making. One that is overloaded with spices and seasonings, and another for yourself.

D (Driver) - Who's the best driver? The getaway driver? Just like his brother, Genji doesn’t drive. He knows how too, but he’s a ninja so he doesn’t really need a car to get anywhere. He does a majority of the driving however if you two don’t feel like racing each other to wherever you’re going.

E (Encounter) - How did you two first meet? You two first met at the Shimbali Temple in the Himalayas. You two were just as angry at the world and constantly butted heads. But you two went to therapy (basically) and calmed down.

F (First Kiss) - When was their first kiss? What was it like? Where was it? It was more of a ‘shut the fuck up or I’ll make you' kiss than anything else. It was angry at first but soon dissolved to the point where you two had to pull away cause you couldn’t breathe. Twas the night before Genji left for Overwatch that you two kissed for the first time

G (Giggle) - How do they laugh? How do you laugh? How do you make each other laugh? Genji’s laugh is very quiet, doesn’t matter how funny he finds something. Sometimes you can’t tell he’s laughing, but you see his shoulders shaking. Most of the time he throws his head back and crosses his arms. You make him laugh by pointing at objects and saying ‘Hey, it’s you’ or ‘Hey, it’s me.’. Said objects usually end up being pieces of gum, or trash cans.

H (Hobbies) - What kind of hobbies do you two do together? You two enjoy exploring abandoned places the most. You get to test your skills, you like to say stupid things in hallways that echo, and Genji (like his brother) is technically classified as ‘otherworldly' so no ghosts or poltergeists would dare to attack you.

I (I Love You) - How often do they say 'ILY'? When was the first time they said it? He says it verbally...A LOT. And I’m saying a lot. It’s a running joke between you two at this point, counting how many times you two have said you love each other. The first time he said it was under his breath actually.

J (Jokester) - Do you pull pranks on each other? How many inside jokes do you two have? How playful is your relationship? You know how I said pranks happen quite often while doing Lucio’s ask? Well, imagine that but 10x worse. You two have prank WARS. Nobody is safe either, including Hanzo. He fears for his sanity and reputation because of you two. As you can tell you two are very playful, and as stated before the ‘inside joke’ you two have is how many times you two have said ‘I love you' to each other in a day.

K (Kiss) - How do you two kiss? Most of your kisses tend to be light and soft. Not on the lips though, mainly on the tops of your heads, foreheads, backs of your hands, and cheeks.

L (Little Ones) - How are they around children? Do they want children? How many? Names? Genji is great around children because they remind him of when he was younger and because he’s an awesome cyborg. Not so surprisingly, he doesn't want children. He can’t have children sadly, but even when he was younger he didn’t want them.

M (Mornings) - How are they in the morning? Genji is almost like a lazy cat in the morning. You can tell he’s awake because he’ll start groaning and moving around. If he sees that you’re just waking up, he’ll wrap his arms around you and probably sleep for another half hour.

N (Nights) How are they at night? At first, Genji wasn’t sure if you two could sleep in the same bed, as whenever he sleeps he has a bunch of wires and such so none of his systems shut down or overheat while he’s sleeping. It also charges said systems so there’s a lot of wires. He misses sleeping on his back, but he can sleep on his stomach or side depending on where the wires are set up.

O (Oh The Names) - Any nicknames? Pet names? Most of your nicknames tend to be shorter versions of your names. You often call him ‘Gen’. He calls you ハニー (‘Honey’). One time he even called you 夫 (Husband). You weren’t sure if he was joking or not, he’ll never tell.

Q (Query) How much do they remember about you? Is it the little things, like your favorite flavor of ice cream? Or is it big things like important holidays for you or dates? Genji remembers important dates and such. He does remember your favorite tea flavor, however, which you’re not surprised by.

R (Remember Me) - What's their favorite memory of you? Seeing you leave the Shambali Temple. To him, it meant you were in the same state of mind that he was. He remembers how angry and how pent up that anger was. It was refreshing seeing that someone he regarded as a close friend was able to achieve the same peace of mind he achieved.

S (Strengths) - What's the strongest part of your relationship? Your trust in each other. You two have seen each other at your very worst, so it's rare for anything to be held from one another.

T (Tall) - How tall are they compared to you, or how short are they compared to you? You two are about the same height. You’re 5’’8, whereas Genji is 5’’7.

U (Unity) How do they feel about PDA? What is their main type of love language? What's yours? PDA is a must for Genji when in private. He’s all over you, sitting in your lap, playing with your hair, holding your hand, cuddling, ALL THE TIME. Obviously, his main love language would be words of affirmation, but physical touch is another one on the down low. Yours are gift-giving and quality time.

V (Vanity) - How concerned are they about their looks? How concerned are they about yours? Despite finding peace of mind, Genji still gets self-conscious about his looks sometimes. He wears masks a lot, but you convince him to take them off every now and then. He doesn’t care about what you wear, as long as he can steal your socks or shoes is all that matters

W (Weaknesses) - What is the weakest point in your relationship? Your insecurities. The two had the same teachings of peace, but you two do tend to get self-conscious at times. This causes you two to shut each other out.

X (Xtra) - An extra headcanon. You two have a safeword for when the two of you are uncomfortable with a situation and want to leave. This word is ‘pineapple’.

Y (Yucky) - What is the one thing they don't like about you? It’s that you’re so invested in your work that you sometimes spend the entire night fixing or making something. You remind him of Angela, who he was codependent on for a small while whenever you do that. He also doesn’t like sleeping alone.

Z (Zaney) - How do they act when they're drunk around you? Genji is very easy to get drunk. He doesn’t have a strong liver, so two shot glasses of alcohol are enough to get him drunk. He also doesn’t drink alcohol for that reason, and pure liquids don’t do the best in his systems anyways. But he’s known to be a blackout drunk, however.

68 notes • Posted 2021-08-01 01:15:18 GMT

Repair Work (Genji x Reader)

“When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her. “ - Hozier, Work Song

The tension is killing everyone. You, designated as the most vigorous, and Genji as the second most laid-back. So it unnerves everyone whenever the two you go silent.

You fought about something that you now deem stupid, and Genji has been giving you the silent treatment for the past hour or two. Or you think he just feels awkward talking to you because he believes that you are giving him the silent treatment. Stubborn mules, the two of you (You overheard Jesse say that ten minutes after Genji had entered the cafeteria, you had glared at him until he looked away.)

The dinner had been awkward and silent, and you highly doubt Genji will speak to you first. The one thing the two brothers share is the inability to properly talk about their feelings.

You’re thinking about this very thing inside of your workshop, you see scattered projects from Brigette on her work table, and chuckle. You wouldn’t dare to neaten it up, knowing fairly well she’d get back at you by putting your favorite screwdriver somewhere in the vents.

Your prophetic arm beeps at you, signalling that it’s past nine thirty, and you should go to bed. You ignore it for the project in front of you.

The sound of the door opening behind you fills your ears, but you barely acknowledge it. The sound of the footsteps are telling enough. They’re quiet, calculated, like he’s walking on glass.

“You could knock, y’know.” You say, your voice calm.

There’s silence from Genji at first.

“You told me that I didn’t have too.”

You turn to him, despite your glasses being tinted, you almost chuckle at how bright his LEDs are compared to the rest of the room. Your eyes suddenly widen, as you notice there is a strong lacking of Genji’s mask.

The glasses are taken off.

“So-”

“My arm’s reaction time is slow.” He blurts out.

You stare at him for a moment, yet again. The funniest quirk about Genji is how expressive he is, you can always tell what he’s feeling whenever his mask is off, mainly because he’s so used to having it on that he forgets he becomes readable for someone like you.

You gesture him over to your work bench with two fingers, and he walks over. He pulls up a chair, and slides into it, before he gently places his arm on your bench.

“Which section?”

“Forearm.”

You don’t reply, opening your toolbox, your eyes faintly looking at the picture of him and you on the Ferris wheel together, his face littered with cotton candy. Whilst you hold a giant stuffed pachimari. You grab the smallest screwdriver, and wait until he gives you a small nod.

In which he does, not even hesitantly. You begin your work, realizing that the screws for a few of the joints are loose..almost purposefully. The silence that is shared between you two is a silence of trust. Sure, he lets Angela or Brigette and Torbjorn look at his prophetic, but it's always been you that’s done all of the up close and personal work. It’s how you met him in the first place.

You smile lightly, staring at the much calmer, healing man before you, rather than the angry and silent one you had the pleasure of knowing for a few years.

He takes a breath, once you finish, drawing his arm back and flexing a few times to test the arm.

“Is it okay now?”

“Yes...thank you.” He says. But he doesn’t move from the chair.

“Are you...coming to bed soon…?” He asks, his voice so soft and meek that if you told anybody he spoke like this only Jesse would believe you.

You smile softly. His actions speak volumes.

“Yeah.” You say. “And, you want to-”

“Talk about it? Yeah, I’d...yeah.”

You nod, putting your tools back into the tool box as Genji rises from the seat and pushes it back under Brigette’s workbench.

See the full post

77 notes • Posted 2021-02-08 19:32:49 GMT

sleeping HC's for Hanzo, Junkrat, Mercy, and Reaper?

-Mercy-

» Big spoon all the way.

» Doesn’t matter if she starts off as the little spoon either, you will wake up in her arms.

» She doesn’t really have a preference for sleeping positions, but she does like to fall asleep close to you, hearing you breath, and your heart beat. It calms her, and helps her drift off to a worry-less sleep.

» She’s the kind of person who will wind down before she sleeps. She’ll take a nice shower before bed, maybe do a face mask, read a book, etc.

» Despite the fact that she encourages you to have a proper sleep schedule, she doesn’t extend the same expectations to herself. She has a habit of overworking herself by mistake.

» It isn’t rare for you to go to bed and realize Angela hasn’t come to bed. Usually she’ll be in her office on her third cup of coffee. She knows to leave before she practically passes out, but she has to finish this last report, its only two more sentences and one more question anyways.

(go to bed, Angela)

-Hanzo-

» Surprisingly he’s the most agitated man to ever exist when sleeping. But it's strange because said agitation varys.

» On observation, there’s a difference between how he sleeps when you’re in your dorm, vs when you're out on a mission.

» When he’s on a mission, you’re convinced he doesn’t sleep. He’s such a light sleeper, waking up at the slightest sound. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t turn his back towards any doors either. Always on the watch, always sleeping with one eye open.

» Oh boy, but in your dorm on Gibraltar? Oh man.

» This cheeky Mf will steal all the blankets. And don’t try to get a second one cause he’ll steal that one too.

» He’ll cling to you like a koala, sometimes if you manage to wake up before you he won’t let go and you’ll have to walk around with Hanzo clinging to your side while muttering things like ‘go back to bed’ into your shoulder.

-Reaper-

» Much like Hanzo, it depends.

» He doesn’t cling to you like your life depends on it, like Hanzo does, but he does have a habit of hugging you while he sleeps.

» Technically he doesn’t need sleep, or at least he doesn’t need a full 8 hours of sleep, maybe 2 or 3 at the most. But being able to be next to you at your most vulnerable state reminds him of things, and of people.

» He doesn’t usually sleep either way, only when he’s really tired. He tries to not sleep when he’s away from you. Though he’ll never admit it, he prefers going to bed knowing that you’re there.

» If you do manage to weave the reason why out of him, he’ll brush it off, saying that he won’t get outnumbered if you two do get ambushed.

» (It’s bullshit btw)

-Junkrat-

» Surprisingly, he’s actually pretty quiet while sleeping. He stays in one place, he might twitch and make a noise every now and then but that’s about it.

» Little spoon all the way. He doesn’t really have a preference for anything else but that.

» Much like Hanzo, he’ll cling to you when you wake up in the morning. The issue is that he’s still asleep. And he sleeps like a rock, so have fun trying to get him off of you.

» Probably has a pachimari stuffie somewhere.

» Just make sure to check the bed, he has a habit of falling asleep in whatever he’s wearing. You may have to wash the sheets a lot, and make sure there isn’t any bombs in the dang bed.

──•~❉+❉~•──

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296 notes • Posted 2021-05-27 12:48:48 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

I figured this would be fun to do :)

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

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I would love for you to talk more indepth about the montage. To me it feels so off and weird. Almost like a parody? So many scenes in it are "funny" moments that just don't make sense in the context of an emotional overview of the road so far... (Like all the scenes where Dean is eating, Donna with donut dust on her face, Sam getting hit during the game show.) I don't know. Isn't the montage supposed to make me nostalgic, teary-eyed? This one definitely doesn't do it for me!

Here I am! Yes, I absolutely agree. The montage is Weird(TM). It’s kind of a tone rollercoaster. It’s very full of funny/silly moments, with some serious moments smacked in. And it definitely looks like... there’s something about it.

For an easier consultation I will reference the gifs I have made of the montage sequence here.

[Gif 1] It starts pretty much like I’d expect a Supernatural goodbye montage to start. The two brothers meeting for the first time in the pilot, a reminder of their childhood with John, their banter still from the pilot, a couple moments of them driving in the car in the first seasons, Dean saving Lucas in 1x03 which is the first Dean-heavy episode and also an extremely symbolic moment for Dean’s entire journey - just think at how Lucas as a mirror was still relevent during the “drowning” Michael possession arc. Everything feels normal so far. We’re starting from the beginning! Now--

[Gif 2] Interesting and weird choices start here. Them pretending to be high school teachers from After School Special 4x13 - actually a very iconic moment for the fandom, remember that post of Dean in shorts from that episode that you had to reblog when it came on your dash? (Actually I’m not sure if I ever reblogged it lol.) Dean celebrating getting young again from The Curious Case of Dean Winchester 5x07 (and Jensen showing off his agility). The two of them showing their FBI badges to Jesse Turner’s biological mother in 5x06. Dean mowing the lawn of Mary’s house in the Djinn dream and immediately after Jess and Sam kissing also in the Djinn dream, from What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20. Then Dean after killing the witch when he was under the memory loss spell, in Regarding Dean 12x11. Sam happy when they celebrate Christmas in A Very Supernatural Christmas 3x08. Them being “lucky” under the effect of the rabbit’s foot in Bad Day At Black Rock 3x03. Sam also happy in Baby 11x04.

Again the present, then the montage starts again with the water-related ghost from Red Sky At Morning 3x06, a Bela episode, and then Bela herself from her first episode, 3x03 again.

What do these moments have in common? Not all of them, but for many of them I’d say reality being manipulated. The Djinn dream, the rabbit foot, Dean’s aging, the Antichrist... and it’s not over yet. Also, them pretending to be teachers, agents etc - not “real”.

[Gif 3] The tone suddenly gets more serious and relevant to current events: Chuck in The Monster at the End of This Book 4x18 (eh). Death in Two Minutes to Midnight 5x21 (the first appearance of Death, while now we’ve had Billie’s last and a very short-lived new one), and then two major moments from Lazarus Rising - Dean emerging from the grave and finding the handprint on his shoulder. Crowley’s first episode, Abandon All Hope 5x10. Zachariah’s death in Point Of No Return 5x18. Anna from The Song Remains The Same 5x13, where she is the antagonist having been brainwashed successfully by heaven. Michael burning and Sam jumping in the cage with Michael in 5x22, then another moment from 4x01 (the brothers hugging after reuniting). A moment from The French Mistake 6x15 (reality fuckery again!). Sam in Frontierland 6x18.

[Gif 4] Reality fuckery continues with Becky marrying Sam in 7x08. Funnily enough, this is the peak of Becky’s obsessive behavior which she went to therapy for and grew away of - it definitely emphasizes how far Becky has come. Donna’s first appeance in 9x13. That iconic shot of Dean in Bloodlust 2x03 because he’s pretty. Charlie’s first appearance in 7x20 while she dances to Walking On Sunshine (relevant?), Kevin’s first appearance in 7x21 when he becomes a prophet (lots of firsts). Abaddon’s first appearance in As Time Goes By 8x12. Then there’s the first appearance of the bunker, in the next episode, a couple shots in fact. Then more 4x01, Ruby pretending to mistake Dean for the pizza man (eh). Then more present...

This section seems to be mostly “first appearances” - including Ruby’s s4 meatsuit, i.e. Genevieve’s first appearance.

[Gif 5] We suddenly jump to more recent events with Kelly and Jack in heaven in Byzanthium 4x08. Jack’s iconic hello from 4x16 Don’t Go In The Woods. Dean teaching Jack how to drive in 14x07 Unhuman Nature. But then we suddenly go from Jack things to something completely different on the surface: two consecutive moments from Changing Channels 5x08, including the iconic Nutcracker scene, and Sully from Just My Imagination. We are actually back to the previous theme: reality fuckery. Gabriel’s episode was about placing them in “television shows”, Sully, while real, is literally a child’s “imaginary friend”. And then... a moment from the cartoon part of Scoobynatural! It doesn’t get more reality fuckery than that. Oh, wait! Charlie and Dorothy going to Oz in 9x04. That’s a pretty strong contender. Dean being hit in the face by a fairy in 6x09 - also about a realm Dean briefly went to. And, in case we felt like we hadn’t gotten enough 4x01 yet, Pamela’s first appearance (her last, albeit a hallucination, was about the whole “How come you only want what you can't have?” thing).

[Gif 6] We continue again with a mixture of firsts and weird things. Ellen’s first appearance in 2x02, Dean and Cas in 4x18 (we saw Chuck from that episode earlier), Jody’s first appearance in 5x15 Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Rufus in 6x04 Weekend At Bobby’s (not his first but a good episode...), Garth in 9x12 Sharp Teeth (not his first but the first in which he is a werewolf and is married... relevant to recent lamp events??), Missouri in 1x09 (her first appearance).

Then Gabriel from 13x21 Beat The Devil (an episode where he plays a trick on Lucifer) and Rowena from the same scene (in fact a scene where they’re flirting). Then Eileen coming back to life in 15x06 and smiling at Sam. Jo flirting with Dean in 2x02 - her first appearance, again. Funnily enough, she had been introduced as a love interest, but ended up being repurposed as a sisterly figure. Tempted to say it’s relevant in an ironic way. Mary in 14x11 Damaged Goods, when Dean has a goodbye mother-son moment with her. Amara in 11x09 Oh Brother Where Art Thou when she was looking for her brother. Then Lucifer in two different vessels (12x07 Rock Never Dies and 12x21, when Lucifer regains control over the vessel).

Then Metatron doing the find a wife make babies speech to Cas in 8x23! Relevant??? Dun dun dun. Then Ketch for some reason (the first episode where we see his face, 12x08 LOTUS).

[Gif 7] Then Jo/Anael in 13x13, another first appearance. (I cropped these horribly I should have cut them when the present happens lol.)

Sandwiched between two shots from the present, Dean Sam Mary and John having dinner together in 14x13 Lebanon.

Then we start again with Dean riding Larry in 12x11, Dean and Cas dressed as cowboys in 13x06 (mini pattern here...), Asmodeus with the archangel blade in 13x13 (insert meta about Asmodeus in Christian lore here), and the really intriguing “Intermission” shot from the play in 10x05.

[Gif 8] To continue a certain pattern we might be tempted to see, Dean eating piecake from 14x06 Optimism (an episode about a distorted version of romantic love), then Dean eating noodles from 10x13 Halt & Catch Fire (the ghost is a husband that passes on thanks to his wife). Dean after his dentistry session with Garth in 15x10. Meg from 6x10 Caged Heat (the episode with the pizza man porn). Dean and Sam investigating in 4x12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag (an episode about growing old poorly). Crowley in 10x16 Paint It Black (that episode). Dean playing that game in 14x17 Game Night (the episode Cas calls for God, and when Mary dies - the one playing the game was God...). Sam and Dean getting out of the car in 13x05 when they visit the traumatized kid (peak mourning Dean episode...). Then we go into reality fuckery territory again with 14x15 Peace of Mind, Sam under the psychic’s control and Cas disgruntled about it.

[Gif 9] Mick Davies from 12x16 Ladies Drink Free, when he learnt a lesson about monsters. Dean geeking out about the Hatchet Man - so heavy with mirror significances - in 14x04 Mint Condition. Belphegor - Jack’s dark mirror - in 15x03 The Rupture, the break-up episode. Donna’s first episode again, this time Dean and she eating donuts. Dean, Sam and Mary hugging in 12x22 after the confrontation in Mary’s head. Kaia in 13x09 The Bad Place, when Jack uses her to find the way to where Mary is (Mary pattern?). Claire&co rescuing Jody and Donna in 13x10 Wayward Sisters. Dean in 1944 dresses as a sailor in 11x14 The Vessel. Baby nyooming in 15x11 The Gamblers...

Aaand more Changing Channels, the genital herpes ad. It’s almost like reality fuckery is a theme. Followed by Sam drinking the anti-cold concoction at Garth’s in 15x10 and the two of them outside the monster fighting pit in the same episode. Then Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack on a video call with Ketch in 14x09 The Spear when they talk about the egg to trap Michael.

[Gif 10] We stay in the same episode with the four of them heading to Michael. Then the four of them celebrating Jack’s return to life (after Cas’ deal with the Empty). More present, and then the iconic “we’ve got work to do” [trunk closes] moment from the pilot.

So: some of these moments seem like genuine moments you’ll want to put in a montage, but there’s a weird predominance of characters smiling and looking happy or goofy. It’s kind of... not exactly representative of the show as a whole, you know? There are moments that fit as, you know, iconic steps in the story, but surprisingly few, and many moments you’d expect to be in a “final” montage are blatantly not there. Several moments with, let’s put it like this, suspicious meta connotations. Moments that, well, we don’t know what happens in the finale yet, but smell like they might be relevant to future developments. (Metatron’s speech to newly human Cas anyone?)

What really strikes me is the amount of moments connected to reality being manipulated or distorted in some way. Lots of Changing Channels, fantasy elements of various kinds (the Djinn dream, Scoobynatural, Oz, the imaginary friend Becky’s wedding to Sam, the fairy, ...), them acquiring luck (s3) or losing it (s15), and so on. It’s almost like the sequence is telling us something...

Thoughts?

#anon #my spn thoughts #spn meta #spn 15x19 #spn

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kaminobiwan · 4 years

Text

lost in translation

pairing: captain rex x engineer!reader

summary: an off day doesn’t always mean a bad day.

a/n: this one was very sweet to write :-) it’s part of my follower milestone celebration, and came from a request from an anon. the prompt was “catching someone doing something they’re not supposed to”, and I really didn’t expect this to take the form that it did! it’s a good thing, though. I really loved writing the fluff and rex deserves the entire world.

finally, here’s something new: my freshly made taglist form is done! as always, enjoy!

He finds you crouched outside the barracks with a datapad in your hand.

It’s not something he’d usually consider abnormal, given everything that happens on the front lines in a single day of wartime, but the way you peek from behind the wall like you don’t want anyone to see you is noticeably out of the ordinary.

He sneaks up on you pretty easily. It’s in his training, after all.

“What are you doing?”

You let out a surprised yelp, juggling the datapad for a few precarious seconds before catching it and shooting him an annoyed glare. “I could have dropped that.”

Rex tucks his helmet underneath his arm, shrugging indifferently. “Not like you couldn’t have fixed it.”

You shake your head at him the same way a teacher would to a misbehaving child, holding up a finger in correction. “I fix starships, not electronics.” Your voice drops conspiratorially. “It’s a completely different area of engineering.”

It doesn’t really matter that much to him. The math, or physics, or whatever you try to teach him always goes over his head, anyways. The way you’re glancing over your shoulder to see if any of the men can hear you, though, is something he’d like explained to him.

“Are you spying on them?”

“Shh!” You free a hand to clamp over his mouth, and Rex flinches at the sudden contact. Your hand is warm, no doubt from holding the datapad for too long. But he’s thankful, lest you feel the heat rising in his cheeks from your touch. “You’re gonna blow my cover. I’m on a mission.”

Rex’s voice is muffled, but his words come out clear enough. “What mission?”

You usher him back down the hallway from where he came, dropping your arm from his face. “Can’t tell you,” you reply, gazing up at him with an intrepid grin. Even without your expression, it’s easy to see through your jest with your overtly joking tone. “It’s top secret. Goes all the way up to the top.”

Rex raises an eyebrow. That is new. It’s not often you’ll hide something from him. You’ve always been an open book around the 501st, saying it helps the boys comfortably emote after the trauma of the battlefield. You’re naturally trusting, and it encourages reciprocation without force. Even the General had noticed and enjoyed the calming presence you’d had on his men, hence your current station as head engineer of their mobile base. Good thing, too — Rex is pretty deep in his feelings for you. Has been since the moment you’d stuck out a surprisingly calloused hand and introduced yourself to him. To the benefit of everyone, his command is noticeably more effective after a late night in your private quarters or his separated bunk.

“I think I’d know if you were assigned on a mission,” he holds the door open for you as you duck inside your room. “Seeing as how I’m your C.O.”

“Is that the case?” you tuck the datapad on a bookshelf next to your bed. You turn to speak over your shoulder, obviously attempting to conceal the information you’d been recording from him. “Didn’t realize I’d be dating my boss when I got involved with you.”

Rex stumbles on his own two feet at that, and you laugh at him outwardly.

He’s still not the best with confronting the relationship between the two of you, as under wraps as it may be. After losing so many brothers to the war that birthed them, it’s hard to be vulnerable the way you ask him to be. He wants the same thing you do, but being open about how he feels is almost impossible for him.

Thank the maker you’re patient, though, and can put up with his inability to call himself your boyfriend. It doesn’t stop you from showering him in affection.

“Well, I do outrank you, even if you are a civvie tech.” Recovered from his blunder, he eases himself down on your cot, undoing the straps of his armor. “So, I could just order you to tell me what you were doing.”

A pout materializes. “You’re no fun.”

“Got me mixed up with Fives if that’s what you’re looking for.”

You sigh dramatically, plopping into your favorite sitting corner next to his feet. The stool you usually prop your feet up on is missing, though he suspects it’s in the refresher since you seem to be too short to reach the cabinet there. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Rex lets a corner of his mouth rise in a half smile. He enjoys the way you let your reactions show, exercising the full range of your emotions. You pick up the slack he leaves in that regard, and he braces as he turns, leaning his elbows on his knees as he tells you, “You do know you were holding the datapad backwards earlier, right? I clocked the screen in the hall.”

Your frown deepens, and you cross your arms at him. “Rex.”

“What’re you lookin’ up Mando’a for, anyway?”

He’d immediately recognized the script of the language on your pad. You blow a strand of hair away from your face, the remnants of your so-called mission story falling away with the conversation. “I wanted to learn it, obviously.”

Rex casts his eyes to the ceiling. “Obviously. My question was why.”

You fix him with a thoughtful stare that lasts a second longer than normal, and he extends a hand to you in your corner. When you take it, he guides you to the bed next to him, resting your legs in his lap. His fingers tap your ankle in impatient waiting.

“Does there have to be a reason?” You flex your toes, wiggling them as you speak. “Maybe I just want to understand you better.”

“Sweetheart, you understand us plenty. Jesse said you gave him a hell of a therapy session just last week.”

You raise a brow at him, mimicking his expression from before. “I want to understand you, Mr. Brooding-and-closed-off,” you sit up from leaning on your hands, and poke him in the shoulder pointedly. It’s true that he relies on his mother tongue much more than the rest of his brothers. He’ll sometimes unknowingly switch from Basic, to your endless confusion. “I seem to be able to help everyone but you.” You purse your lips before peering at him amusedly. “And I think you mean psychoanalysis, not a therapy session.”

Rex makes a dismissive face. “Whatever.”

You drop your gaze, absently trailing your hand down his shoulder, and he grimaces internally. He can tell you’re already used to him pushing you away. You’re visibly preparing for it, even now.

He’s really bad with words — it’s ironic, considering how efficient he can be when he assumes command. Although he’s known for thinking on his feet, that doesn’t necessarily transfer to his communication skills. He’s never had the patience for conversation like Cody, or the power to convey his thoughts with threatening glares like Wolffe.

But he is good at taking action. And he’s tired of disappointing you.

He takes your hand, squeezing it gently as he brushes his thumb across your wrist. Hopefully, his intentions are obvious enough by the way he pulls you closer and looks you straight on. “You know you can always ask me what stuff means,” he says, “instead of trying to listen to Fives’ annoying voice.”

You laugh, and his heart flips in his chest. His brain reminds him to get it together, but he allows himself to relax into your touch. “He does speak too fast for me to decipher,” you wrap an arm around his waist, almost chin to chin with him. “Though it doesn’t take a protocol droid to figure out that haar’chak is a curse word.” You imitate the foreign word with decent accuracy, Rex notes. Maybe he really could teach you.

“It is. And kaysh mirsh solus is ‘he’s an idiot’.” He pauses. “Well, it actually means ‘his brain cell is lonely’. But that’s a little wordy.”

Your eyes light up, both at his seamless transition into the language and his correct anticipation of your first question. It’s his most used phrase, especially around his brothers. Though, the sincerity and circumstance in which he uses it varies wildly.

“There’s another one similar to that,” you press on, and he drinks in your excitement. It’s awfully endearing, even to Rex. “Hardcase says it a lot. It ends with ‘kee-rah-mood’?”

“Kaysh mirsh’kyramud,” Rex grins at your attempt. “‘He’s a brain assassin’. It just means someone’s boring.” A realization dawns on him as you giggle at the literal translations. “Wait, when has he said that?”

You shrink back a little, suddenly more conscious amidst your amusement. “Um…”

He looks at you flatly. “It’s after my briefings, isn’t it.”

“Yep.”

“Or’dinii.” After a beat, you nudge him. “‘Moron’.”

Another laugh breaks past your lips, and you lean your head against him. Despite his grumbling, he tucks you under him and kisses your temple, his face dissolving into a contented expression. You’re happily indulging him with the physical contact he’s always craving, and he silently offers you the first concession he’s given since you kissed him for the first time in the hangars before battle all those months ago. Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.

“What’s that mean?”

Rex jerks up in surprise, angling his neck down to see you watching him curiously. He hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud.

It’s not like him to be so out of his head, but then again, this hasn’t exactly been a regular day. He sucks in a breath, committing fully to the sentiment. He’s never made the first move with you. You’ve had to elicit every last moment from him, breaking down wall after rebuilt wall.

Not this time.

“I love you,” he murmurs, but you hear him, loud and clear. “It means I love you.”

Your eyes blaze with something he can’t get a read on, but you respond with an alarmingly straight face. “Is that what it means literally?”

Rex blinks. “Um, no. It means — ”

“I’m joking,” your facade drops immediately, and you break out into that wide, face-splitting smile he loves so damn much. “Rex, I love you.” You reach up to gather his jaw in your hands, and drag him down into a sweet kiss, and he swears he’s never felt happier. “I love you too, Rex, stars.”

Against your lips, he mumbles it again, the words glistening on his tongue. “I love you.”

Nothing he’s ever said has sounded better.

#rini writes #captain rex x reader #rex x reader #captain rex imagine #clones x reader #THIS ONE WAS CUTE NGL #this was the fic I was almost done with when I accidentally deleted all of my WIPs so it was basically written twice back to back LOL #I'm really happy how it turned out! it's kinda different from my other ones #more fast paced I think #also engineer!reader is here!!#i’ve been waiting to introduce her nyehehe i have so much planned #anyways i hope you guys like it :-)#much love xxx #rini reaches 175!

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suituuup · 3 years

Photo

pieces - chapter five

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn't expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rated: E (drug use and emotional abuse)

ao3 link

As the rest of the day ticked by, Beca kept replaying the events at Sarah’s coffee shop over and over, unable to pinpoint what she could have said to make Chloe bolt like that. She managed to focus on her tasks at hand over the afternoon and headed home around 6, groaning as soon as she stepped inside when she remembered she had promised Sarah to cook her dinner.

She pondered on canceling for half a minute because all she felt like doing was taking a long shower and eating pizza in bed, but she already felt guilty about a lot of things these past couple of days.

So she took a quick shower instead and put on some comfy jeans and a plaid shirt, tossing her blow-dried hair in a messy bun atop her head. With one of her favorite blues records playing throughout her home, Beca set to work to make creamy salmon pasta with spinach, nursing a much-needed glass of wine as she cooked.

“Babe?”

“In the kitchen,” Beca called out over the music, lowering the heat on the boiling water and dropping a handful of spaghetti in. She smiled as Sarah brushed a kiss to her cheek. “Hey.”

“Hello you,” Sarah murmured, squeezing her hip as she walked past her to set a bottle of wine on the counter. “Smells delicious.”

“Hopefully it tastes good, too.” Not that Beca was worried; she had been making this dish for a few years. “Wine?”

Sarah hopped onto the counter next, humming. “Yes, please.”

Beca opened the fridge and took the bottle out, reaching on the tip of her toes (shhh) for a glass in the cabinet over her head. She poured some wine in and handed it to Sarah. “Sorry I disappeared earlier.”

After Chloe had left, Beca wasn’t in the mood to eat or finish her coffee, leaving a $20 on the table on her way out.

“Was that the friend you told me about yesterday?”

Beca puffed out a sigh. “Yeah. She’s…” It’s complicated, Beca was about to say, but she figured she owed Sarah some details after what happened at her workplace. “She’s in a bad place. And I wanna help her, but she doesn’t seem to want any help. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Sarah covered Beca’s hand with her own, the pad of her thumb stroking her skin back and forth. “Has it been a long time since you last saw each other?”

“Over six years. We fell out of touch about five years ago. Well, she cut us all out of her life nearly overnight.”

Sarah tilted her head to the side. “Us?”

“The Bellas, from college. Chloe and I were co-captains.” Beca swallowed around the lump forming in her throat as a wave of nostalgia hit her with full force. “She just… she was my best friend.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Maybe give her some time and she’ll come around?”

Beca doubted that, but she nodded anyway. “Yeah, maybe.” She shook her head, squeezing Sarah’s hand as she mustered a smile. “Enough about me. How was your day?”

As the next week ticked by, Beca started to lose hope. In true Beca Mitchell fashion, she threw herself into work to avoid dealing with her emotions, staying at the office until midnight most days.

A knock on her open-door one night made her jolt. She had lost herself in the view and her own thoughts, unaware someone was still at the office.

Beca spun her chair around to face the door, finding Luke in the doorway. “Why are you here so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Luke pointed out, inviting himself in. He set a sheet of paper in front of Beca, then plopped down in the seat on the other side of her desk. “This is incredible. You’ve got to record it.”

Beca glanced down at her own handwriting, heavily regretting showing Luke that song she wrote a few days ago. “I don’t know, man.”

“What?” Luke asked, incredulous. “Becky, you haven’t been able to write a lyric for the past three years and now that you’ve got a platinum record worthy song, you don’t want to use it?”

Beca nibbled on the inside of her cheek. “It feels too personal, I’m not sure I feel like sharing it with the world.” She glared at him next. “And stop calling me Becky, this is getting old.”

“I’m serious, this might be your best work yet,” Luke insisted. “Think about it?”

“I will. Now get out of my office,” Beca muttered.

“You got it, Becky,” Luke teased, easily catching the stress ball Beca tossed at his head, chuckling at her poor attempt. “You should go home and get some sleep.”

“Yeah. Night.”

“Goodnight.”

It turned out Sarah had been right.

When Beca wasn’t expecting it anymore, Chloe called. And she sounded like Chloe. Hope flared within her once more, but she tried not to let it engulf her whole being. While Chloe reaching out was an enormous step, Beca threaded carefully, knowing a lot could happen in five days.

She wished she had been wrong, but as it pushed 1 pm that Thursday afternoon, it was pretty clear Chloe wouldn’t show. Beca didn’t have her phone number or any other way to contact her. Her heart felt heavy as she headed back to BMLJ for her meeting with Jesse regarding his movie score, and her head was too full of thoughts to completely focus on work.

“Earth to Beca.”

Beca hummed, snapping out of her daze. Jesse was staring at her in a mix of concern and curiosity. “Sorry.”

“Do you wanna do this another time?”

“No, no,” Beca insisted, straightening up. “I’m okay.” She hated how well Jesse knew her, and heaved a sigh when he gave her that look. “It’s Chloe.”

“Chloe Beale?” Jesse asked. “She’s in New York?”

“Yeah. I found her a couple of weeks ago. She’s a stripper at some hyped club in Times Square.”

“Holy shit, seriously?”

Beca proceeded to tell him everything over the next ten minutes, Jesse hanging onto every word. “Am I stupid? Trying so hard to help someone who clearly doesn’t want to be helped?”

“No, you’re not stupid. You’re a softie under that tough exterior and you care deeply about the people you love. Especially Chloe. I was in the front row, remember?”

Beca grimaced, some of that decade-old guilt surfacing. “Dude…”

“It’s fine. I’m definitely over all of that, but we both know Chloe is too important for you to just give up. And from how you described her, and that phone call? It sounds like she still cares, but she lost herself along the way and is now in so deep she has trouble coming back on her own. Maybe she just needs to hear that asking for help isn’t giving up, but rather refusing to give up.”

Those words echoed deep within Beca, and she found herself nodding, filled with newfound energy to fight for this. “I need to go by the club. Tonight. Her boss might kick me out if I show up inside, but maybe I can wait by the back door?”

“I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to, man. It might be hours before we see her.”

“That guy sounds creepy, you shouldn’t go on your own.”

Beca sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll pick you up around ten.”

Beca felt like they were on a stake-out as they waited in her car hours later, parked across the back alley of the club. Winter had definitely settled in in NYC and waiting in the cold for hours in freezing temperatures didn’t seem like a great plan.

She texted back and forth with Aubrey, who once more offered to come down, but Beca was concerned Chloe might think they were ambushing her.

It was pushing midnight by the time a familiar figure stepped out of the building through the side door. Chloe was on her own.

Beca slapped Jesse’s arm to wake him up. “She’s here.”

They both stepped out of the car and crossed the street when it was clear, Beca telling Jesse to wait by the corner as she tentatively approached Chloe, slipping her gloved hands inside the pockets of her dark grey wool trench coat.

She was smoking a cigarette, clad in her glitter dress under an open fleece jacket. Her gaze flickered to Beca when she spotted her, her posture turning rigid. “What are you doing here?”

There was no bite to her tone but soft curiosity, which reassured Beca further.

“Can we talk?”

Chloe glanced over her shoulder towards the door as she nibbled on her lower lip. “Five minutes, then I have to go back inside.”

She met Beca on the other side of the alley, the orange glow of the lamp post over their heads allowing Beca to trace her features. “You didn’t show earlier.”

Chloe dragged on her cigarette. “I changed my mind.”

“Is that the truth or did someone tell you not to?” She wasn’t dumb; after meeting Chloe’s boss and knowing she was his favorite, she had an inkling the two were somehow involved. And that guy just gave off a crazy possessive vibe. Chloe’s silence was her answer. “Chlo…”

“It’s more complicated than you think,” Chloe murmured, licking her lips.

“Then explain it to me,” she demanded, a desperate edge to her tone.

“Why are you doing this?” Chloe croaked out. “Why won’t you leave me alone?”

Her question took Beca by surprise, and her mouth moved wordlessly for a few beats. “Because I care about you. And you’re not okay, Chlo. I want to help.”

“Beca…”

She thought back on Jesse’s words. “Asking for help is not giving up, Chloe. It’s refusing to give up. And I’m here. You just have to say the word, I’ve got you.”

Chloe shook her head, closing her eyes briefly. “I’m not--” Her eyes were filled with so much sadness when they found Beca’s that Beca had to remind herself to breathe. “I’m not worth it.”

Those four words felt like a knife lodging itself inside Beca’s heart. They stole all the air from her lungs and brought tears to her eyes. “What?” She whispered, her voice nowhere within reach as a huge lump formed in her throat. “That’s not true,” she said, with more forcefulness this time around. “It’s not, you hear me?”

Chloe kept shaking her head. “You don’t know me anymore.”

“Maybe I don’t know this version of you, but I know Chloe Beale is still in there, somewhere. I heard her on the phone the other day, remember? And I can see her now, under all those layers of sadness and lack of self-worth triggered by outside factors. I know her soul hasn’t changed, deep down. It couldn’t have, because you are the purest, kindest human being there is, and that has to still be somewhere in there.”

“I’m broken, Bec,” Chloe cried, her eyes filled to the rim with tears threatening to spill over. “I’m a crack addict. I don’t--” A sob spilled from her throat. “I spend all my money on coke and all I know how to do anymore is show my breasts for money.”

A tear rolled down Beca’s cheek as she reached for Chloe’s hand. “Then I’ll help put you back together. Piece by piece, for however long it takes. Whatever it takes, Chlo. I promise.”

“Chloe?”

Both their heads snapped towards the open door, where Marco stood. His features hardened when he saw Beca there, and Beca released Chloe’s hand, looking over her shoulder towards Jesse, who made his way over.

“What is she doing here?” He spat out as he climbed down the set of steps.

Chloe visibly swallowed, her fear radiating off her. “She’s just leaving.”

“No, I’m not,” Beca stated, loud and clear as her eyes shone fiercely. “I’m not going anywhere without Chloe.”

“You fucking homewrecker,” he muttered, crossing the alley in quick strides. Chloe stepped in front of Beca, as though to shield her with her own body. The anger swirling in his eyes shot a chill down Beca’s spine. “Move, Chloe.”

Chloe shook her head. “You should go back inside, Marco. Please don’t make a scene, it’s not worth it.”

Beca had never understood the expression ‘to see red’ until now; until she witnessed Marco backhanding Chloe with so much force she staggered back with a cry.

Unparalleled rage filled her, the kind of rage she couldn’t control. She stepped forward and raised her fist, clocking him in the face with a mean right hook. She wasn’t sure if the cracking sound came from her knuckle or his nose breaking, the pain in her hand muffled by the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

Marco stumbled a few steps backward with a grunt, his eyes screwed shut as he covered his nose with his hand. But Beca wasn’t done, taking advantage of his dizzy state and stepping forward to knee him in the balls as hard as she could so he couldn’t walk until they were all safely inside the car.

“You guys get into the car,” Jesse ushered them, keeping an eye on Marco as he doubled over in pain.

“Chloe, come on,” Beca coaxed urgently, grabbing her hand and pulling. To her surprise, Chloe didn’t fight her. She seemed absolutely shell-shocked, even once they reached the car, as though her legs were carrying her on their own accord and her brain was miles behind. “Get inside, Chlo.”

Jesse jogged over a few seconds later and slid behind the wheel without Beca having to ask him, and she climbed in the backseat beside Chloe, relief washing over as the doors locked behind them and the car pulled onto the road towards safety.

#bechloe #bechloe fic #chloe beale #beca mitchell #pitch perfect fic

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jerakeenc · 3 years

Text

many kidfics i’ve read and loved

look who’s reccing a million year old fics now. kidfics, very many. posted to dw for snowflake, thought I’d copy here as well. will be reading most, if not all. if you don’t hear from me again, this list is the culprit.

101 Ways To Get Lucky (In Love) by lenore

18,200 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Rodney McKay is rich, gorgeous and at the top of his game—except someone just moved the goalposts! Now Rodney realizes he is sorely lacking the one status symbol that everybody seems to have…the perfect family. Rodney needs help, so he hires a relationship coach. Single-dad John Sheppard may be an expert, but not when it comes to his own relationships! And every day he spends with Rodney makes him wish that he could be the one to fill the vacancy in Rodney's life…

A Beautiful Lifetime Event by astolat

29,000 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

An Earlier Heaven by regann

67,400 words | X-Men, Erik/Charles

In the wake of Cuba, Charles and his students are ready to pick up the pieces and work toward achieving Charles's dream of a safe haven for young mutants. Those plans, however, take a surprising turn thanks to a very unexpected complication. As he slowly builds a future for his students and for his child, Charles struggles with the loss of Erik and the secrets he's willing to keep to protect his family, but those strides are shattered when Erik makes a startling reappearance into his life. [mpreg, kidfic, ensemble]

And everything nice by noelia_g

30,200 words | Social Network, Mark/Eduardo

The one where Mark somehow ends up with a child and of course needs a nanny for the amount of time he spends at the office. Only problem is a string of nannys keep trying to get into his pants for what he assumes is his money. Cue Mark's assistant hiring a male nanny, enter Eduardo.

asking to be born by longtime_lurker

26,500 words | Bandom, Pete/Patrick

"Don't worry, it's probably just his big gay freakout," Andy yells cheerfully and unhelpfully into Patrick's ear as they're hustling Pete over to the nearest private clinic.

Better with You by harriet_vane

38,100 words | 1D, Liam/Louis

Based on this prompt at the kinkmeme:

Single parent and solo artist Liam Payne hires Louis Tomlinson to be a full time nanny to his four year old son Sammy. Although the two men don't quite click from the start it's love at first sight between Sammy and Louis. Eventually Louis and Liam warm up to each other and get on like a house on fire, in fact the two become a little too fond of each other.

I refuse to apologize for how sweet this ended up, okay? It's kidfic, I am forever writing kidfic, and this one is even kid-fic-ier than usual.

Can't Get Enough of You (Baby) by eternalbreath

22,100 words | Inception, Arthur/Eames

Eames vanishes from dreamshare and Arthur goes a little crazy looking for him until he stumbles across him -- with a baby.

Chelsea, Chelsea, I Believe by empathapathique

300,800 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

Patrick meets a girl his rookie year.

Don't You Shake Alone by dsudis

62,180 words | Generation Kill, Brad/Nate

Nate looked exactly like Brad always pictured him: exhausted in the full life-in-a-combat-zone sense of the word.

Dude, what's a bulwark? by kellifer_fic

12,150 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

Beacon Hills is the kind of small town where everybody knows everybody, and what everybody knows is that surly diner owner Derek Hale and free spirited single dad Stiles Stilinski have been in love with each other for years. If only they knew it too.

Every Other Beautiful World by rhiannonhero

43,280 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Some things are unexpected but still inevitable in every beautiful world.

Forever, Now by harriet_vane

227,100 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard, Jon/Spencer, Brendon/Ryan, Brian/Greta

Brian rescues kid!Gerard and Mikey from life on the streets, and eventually everyone finds a family.

here comes the sun by oflights

56,600 words | Social Network, Mark/Eduardo

This is a story about growing up, sad 70's rock songs, too much hair gel, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", a baby with curly hair, a Geiger counter, a dog that isn't named Max, the Chicken Dance, Cheerios, pepper-spray, drugs, sex, and a stuffed chicken named Cluckerberg, nicknamed Cluck. or: Mark raises Sean's accidental baby, and I write the fluffiest thing ever.

I Got a Love (That Keeps Me Waiting) by svmadelyn

163,700 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

There's a lot of different ways this summary could go, like:

Patrick Kane gets more than a gold medal in Sochi.

Or, the classic: It's too late to pull out now.

Or: Patrick Kane continues to thrive in high pressure situations.

Or: Patrick Kane gets knocked up, goes to White Castle, and finds love, not necessarily in that order.

But, ultimately, all that really matters is this: Patrick Kane is keeping his baby.

I Would Be by cathalin

20,290 words | American Idol, Kris/Adam

AU. Adam and Kris meet a few years down the road, when down-on-his-luck Kris and his young daughter Katherine show up to rent a room from Adam, who never made it to an Idol audition.

Ice Ice Baby by uraneia

51,340 words | Hockey, Claude/Danny

A gold medal isn't the only souvenir Claude brings home from Prague.

OR: The one where Claude gets drunk, gets pregnant, and gets convinced to move in with Danny, whom he's been secretly in love with for years. What could possibly go wrong?

my heart is bigger than the distance in between us by estrella30

15,000 words | 1D, Nick/Harry

Nick chuckles quietly but grabs the remote and follows Emma, Aimee coming up close behind him. It’s indeed Harry on the telly, singing along to his latest radio hit and smiling slowly into the camera far too seductively for half eight on a Friday morning, if you ask Nick. He presses the volume just in time to catch the crowd’s roaring applause and see the pink flush Harry’s cheeks. Nick watches him duck his head as he gives a small wave to the audience, and it hits Nick that Harry is still the most humble and appreciative billionaire Nick’s ever met.

Good job, popstar, Nick thinks to himself.

or, Nick is a single dad and Harry is his bff and it's a bunch of years into the future and they fall in love

Once Upon a Furry Octopus by skoosiepants

11,270 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

He was an intelligent, intuitive pet, but he wasn’t going to start sniffing out ZPMs or hidden Ancient weaponry or detailed instructions on how to kill a Wraith with a common household item. A pen, for instance.

Reconcilable Differences by astolat

40,000 words | Smallville, Clark/Lex

Luthor Family Values.

Shelter by harriet_vane

63,500 words | Social Network, Jesse/Andrew

From the kinkmeme prompt: Some sort of AU vaguely based on Shelter! For whatever reason, Jesse has to take care of Hallie and give up his dream of being an actor. He ends up working in a dead end job when former, now successful friend (Andrew) returns home. They fall in love, etc, only Jesse can't go away with him because he has a responsibility to his family. CUE ANGST.

Show Me The Way Back Home Baby by stilinskisparkles

15,000 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

In which Lydia and Jackson produce the world's cutest baby, and the pack goes crazy-- the good kind of crazy. Except for Derek, who is afraid of tiny cute babies and Stiles who plans to be the best Uncle ever. Even if Danny called dibs on Godfather.

Skybird by windsweptfic

33,785 words | Inception/White Collar, Arthur/Eames

Arthur and Eames adopt a kid and raise that kid into Neal Caffrey.

Small Cells and Fibers by sevenfists

7,830 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

Tuesdays were finger-painting days. Frank made sure to wear his oldest pair of jeans, because even with his full-length apron and his constant reminders that paint belongs on paper and not on clothing, he always ended up with tiny, multi-colored handprints all over his clothes. There wasn't a thing he could do about it, so he just wore pants from 1995.

Small Primes and Square Roots by liviapenn

12,500 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

"I hope you picked someone really intelligent, otherwise it seems like it would be kind of a waste. Of incubation time, if nothing else."

So Wise We Grow by deastar

81,250 words | Star Trek Reboot, Kirk/Spock

"Commander Spock, we have located your son," the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock's face that he's never heard of this kid before in his life. "If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week."

Something Better by lovelypoet

18,350 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

"We all have to take jobs we don't like sometimes, you know?"

The Next Time You Say Forever by Thistlerose

27,300 words | Star Trek Reboot, Kirk/McCoy

After his ex-wife's death, McCoy is forced to leave the Enterprise to look after his teenage daughter. Under normal circumstances, this would be the end of…whatever it is he has with Kirk that's more than friendship, but less than what he wants. But the universe has other intentions.

The Reeducation of Misters Kane and Toews by jezziejay

15,900 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

In which Kaner sort of has a kid, and Mr. Toews doesn't know which of them is the bigger brat.

AU featuring teacher!Jon and hockey-player!Kaner. With bonus 'Hawks characters, love notes, pasta jewelry, Be Better Pizzas, pirouettes, a sprinke of angst and guest appearance by Derek Jeter.

The Road Delivered Us Home by keelywolfe

117,430 words | Hobbit, Thorin/Bilbo

In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End.

He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him.

This Story Was Brought to You by Our Sponsors by scaramouche

29,500 words | Supernatural, Dean/Castiel

Dean's post-apocalyptic life is a friggin' soap opera. Romance! Angst! Separations! Reunions! Pizza Dinners! A Child Dean Never Knew He Had! It's all very dramatic.

throw a little sparkle all over it by etben

26,000 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

"Hey, Ma," Mikey says. "No, everything's fine—well, I mean, Gerard accidentally adopted a baby—no, he's changing her now, he can't talk."

Tiny Houses by ohmyjetsabel

77,130 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

"So this is what Stiles does. He lies in Scott’s bed and waits for Melissa to say she’s found someone to get it out of him, to cure him of the wrongness and the bad, and he dreams.

God, he dreams.

He dreams of fire and swollen bellies and that scene in Alien, of giving birth to jackals through his urethra, the whole horrific nine yards. His head is a terrible place to be, he can’t imagine his stomach is much better, why anyone would want to put a thing inside of it."

Tip, Slide, Tumble by j_s_cavalcante

42,900 words | due South, Fraser/Kowalski

Ray knew when he found the body in the alley it was going to change someone's life. He just didn't expect that life would be his.

Turn by saras_girl

306,000 words | Harry Potter, Harry/Draco

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Unless it's lies or it's love by sprat

25,300 words | American Idol, Kris/Adam

In which Adam (a rock star) meets Kris (a single dad) at an Emergency Room in Arkansas at the end of a particularly shitty night. Also features: San Francisco, fresh starts, baked goods, OCs, cameo appearances by Matt and Megan, pirates, monsters with garbage heads and a recording studio.

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30,150 words | Merlin, Arthur/Merlin

A modern AU with Merlin, Arthur, mayhem, a baby and a jingly elf hat.

What to Expect by arsenic

29,200 words | Bandom, Bob/Mikey

Mikey has his band, and his little girl, and that's enough. Really, it is.

Winter's Children by neery

66,890 words | Marvel, Bucky/Steve

When their attempts to recreate the super soldier serum failed, Hydra started trying to breed Captain America clones from his genetic samples. Unfortunately, the serum's effects aren't passed down genetically, so instead of an army of tiny Captain Americas, they get a bunch of tow-headed, asthmatic, allergic, immuno-compromised little Steves.

And then the Winter Soldier stumbles across Hydra's failed experiment...

With Six You Get Eggroll by speranza

31,000 words | due South, Fraser/Kowalski

"Kick 'em In The Head: A Guide To Parenting."

ETA: Bonus! Because I apparently lost my bookmark for this one but have the memory of an elephant for kidfic, so it came to me eventually. :D

A Farm in Iowa 'Verse by sheafrotherdon

166,000 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

John inherits a farm, Rodney ends up entirely out of his element, and there is much ado about baseball.

#kidfic #recs

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pro-fangirls-unsocial-life · 3 years

Text

Mistletoe Mishaps Fives x Reader

A/N: So this fic is kinda stupid and was based off of a tumblr post that I can no longer find, but I hope that you guys enjoy it anyways! I have been meaning to post a holiday themed fic but just have not had the motivation to write the one that I had in mind so I hope this one is alright for now! Enjoy! ( @captainrexisboo this is the fic I was talking about)

Length: ~1800 words

Warnings: none :) just shenanigans and fluff

“Are you sure?” You and Fives had stopped just outside of the 501st barracks. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of you spending the holidays with your brothers.”

Fives softly smiled at you and took your hand. “Cyare, its going to be fine. I know you’re nervous, but we celebrate just like everyone else in the galaxy does.” He smiled and gave you a light kiss on your forehead. “Plus, the boys love you almost as much as I do. You’re family and we want you with us.”

You let out a sigh, clearing your mind and felt Fives give your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Alright,” you said with a smile. “Let’s get out of the cold and have some fun.”

Fives’ face lit up as he began pulling you the rest of the way toward the entrance to the barracks. “You’re going to love it Cyare! Echo makes the best hot coco, and this is the only time of year you will see Rex convince Cody to wear civies on the base!”

Giggling at Fives enthusiasm, you quickened your pace until you were at the door. Fives opened it and held it for you as the warm light from the party inside spilled onto the snowy ground. You stepped inside and felt the chill from the wind already begin to disappear.

“Y/N!” You heard your name said cheerfully from all over the room as everyone turned to smile at you.

“Glad you could make it,” Rex said as he walked up to you with a cup of hot coco in his hands. “Its so good to see you!”

You took off your coat and hung it up before turning to give Rex a hug. “Thanks for having me,” you said with a smile. “It’s nice to see all of you again.”

“Of course!” He looked around before leaning and whispering to you. “Plus, you being here makes Fives more likely to behave.”

You and Rex chuckled before turning to walk further into the party with him and Fives.

You look around the room to see members of the 501st and 212th laughing and having fun. All of them are wearing civilian clothes with some of them wearing holiday sweaters. Echo is standing in the back near the tree that the 501st had smuggled in talking to Tup and Dogma. You see Echo finish saying something before they all begin to laugh. Dogma was unfortunate enough to be taking a drink of his coco at the same time and accidentally spills it on himself before he starts coughing and Echo and Tup start laughing harder.

You hear a frustrated yell come from the Sabacc table before looking over to see a very pleased Kix gathering up the pot from the middle as Boil throws his cards down. Waxer pats Boils arm and Cody chuckles before holding his hand out to Wooley and Obi-Wan who both begrudgingly hand him a few credits.

You saw that Cody and Obi-Wan were wearing matching 212th colored sweaters before turning to Rex. “So, how angry was Cody when he found out you got them matching sweaters without him knowing?”

Rex followed your eyes over to Cody and laughed. “Oh, he was pretty pissed at me at first but warmed up to the idea when General Kenobi complimented him on it. I could feel his face heating up from across the room.”

You laughed and kept taking in the scene around you. There were lights and decorations covering the walls and tables set up all around the room with different kinds of fun things to do. There was a long table near the door to the kitchen that was covered in food that Jesse and Hardcase were mingling around. They looked like they were up to something, but you shook it off as them just having fun with their time off.

You took a deep breath in and could smell the hot coco that Echo had made wafting in from the kitchen door. You looked toward the kitchen, thinking about getting some when you saw that mistletoe had been hung from the top of the frame. You smiled and reminded yourself to drag Fives over there at some point before you felt his hand on your back.

“Do you want some hot chocolate cyar’ika? I’m on my way over there,” Fives asked with a tender smile.

You gave him a small kiss on the cheek. “Sure! That would be great!”

He began walking toward the kitchen before you motioned to it with your head. “So, are some of the others partners coming tonight? Is that why you guys put mistletoe up?”

Rex gave you a confused look. “Hmm?” He followed your eyes toward the kitchen and his face loosened up. “Oh, you mean the mistlefoe? I’d steer clear of that if I were you,” he said chuckling before taking a sip of his coco.

Your eyes went wide in surprise. “I’m sorry. The what?”

“You know? Whoever gets caught under it with another person has to fight them before someone yields? It’s a holiday tradition for us to hang one up somewhere and to—”

“AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!”

You looked over and saw Jesse barreling toward Fives in the kitchen doorway before tackling him to the ground and moving to put him into a headlock. Fives eyes widen before he reaches up and grabs onto Jesse, throwing him onto the ground. Everyone in the room starts to either laugh or cheer as they begin wrestling with each other. Fives quickly gets behind Jesse and puts him in a light chokehold. Jesse starts squirming and trying to get out of it while Fives laughs and keeps him restrained. “Do you yield yet vod?!”

Jesse growls and tries to break free. “No!” He reaches up to try and get a grip on Fives. “I’m not going to let you win that easily!”

They are both breathing heavily as they squirm around on the floor. Fives mischievously laughs. “Ha! Well, that’s too bad vod cause I’m not going to let you go until you yield!” He tightens his grip slightly as Jesse keeps struggling to break free.

About a minute goes by and you see Jesse start to get tired before he stops trying to break free. “Fine,” he huffs out. “I yield.”

Cheers erupt around you and you see a few of the men around you exchanging credits with each other. Fives lets go and pushes himself to his feet before helping Jesse up. “You sure as hell surprised me vod,” he said as he affectionately punched Jesse in the shoulder before giving him a handshake. “I’ll give you that.”

Jesse rolled his eyes and smiled before walking back over to a wheezing Hardcase and whacking him upside the head.

Fives turned to you and gave you a wink and a smile before going back to get the coco he was originally after.

You started laughing and brought your hand up to your face.

Rex chuckles. “What’s so funny?”

You keep laughing. “It’s just, that’s not exactly what I thought that was going to be for.”

“What did you think it was for if not that?”

You shake your head and lightly laugh. “Well, usually the mistletoe is hung up over a doorway and whoever is caught under it has to kiss the other person. That’s why I asked about your guys’ partners.”

Rex starts laughing into his mug while Fives walks up with your coco.

He pushes it into your hands and gives you a confused look. “What’s so funny?”

You take a sip of your coco and smile as you get an idea. “I’ll tell you later.”

*******************************************************************************************

The party had been going on for a couple of hours now, and everything was starting to wind down. Presents had been exchanged as well as a couple more punches in the doorway to the kitchen. You had talked with everybody at the party and your sides had hurt from laughing too much at least ten times that night.

With everything calming down, it began to get a bit quieter and the sounds of light conversations were drifting through the air.

You had just finished a conversation with Kix and were looking around for Fives. You saw him standing over at the window looking out at the snow while sipping on hot chocolate. He had his left hand in his pocket while the right was holding his cup.

You walked over to him and sild your hand down his arm until he took his hand out of his pocket and grabbed yours. You rested your head on his shoulder and looked out the window with him.

“What are you thinking about?”

Fives hummed and gave your hand a light squeeze. “Just how I wish things could be like this all the time.”

You looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… All of us together having a good time. Not having anything to worry about. Plus, I don’t like being away from you as long as I am most of the time.”

You sighed and squeezed his hand before pulling him into a hug. “I don’t like being away from you either and I wish that things could be like this all the time too, but I know one thing that you’ll never have to worry about.”

He set his cup on the windowsill and wrapped his arms around you. “And what’s that?”

You smiled into his chest as he put his head on top of yours. “You’ll never have to worry about me not being here for you when you get back.” You lightly squeezed him. “You will never be rid of my love no matter how hard you try.”

You heard his voice reverberate throughout his chest as he chuckled.

The two of you stood there holding each other for a few minuets before you mischievously smiled. “Hey,” you said as you gently pushed him away. “I have something that might take your mind off of this stuff.”

He perked up and nodded, urging you to continue.

“Want to know what Rex was laughing at earlier?”

He watched you questioningly as you reached into your pocket and pulled out the mistletoe you had stolen from the kitchen doorway. You held it up above your head and gave him a smirk as he looked at you, completely lost.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes before you grabbed onto his sweater and pulled him into a kiss. He squealed in surprise before melting into the kiss. He brought his right hand up to hold your chin while his left hand snaked around your waist to pull you closer.

You pulled apart and looked up at his smiling face. “So, what do you think of my holiday tradition?”

He smirked and looked up like he was musing over it. “I think,” he said as he pulled you closer against him, “I want to do it again.”

He brought his hand up to cup your cheek as you smiled and leaned in to press another kiss to his lips. Smiling the whole time.

#fives x reader #arc trooper fives x reader #arc trooper fives #fives #my writing #mistletoe mishaps

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