#i was honestly living my best life. got less interested when i joined tumblr and went full doctor who mode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zirkkun · 3 years

Text

Maybe this is cheesy, but with all the praising on stream, I decided I wanted to just gush about my friends and people I look up to on here too. I’m gettin’ sappy and sobby at this hour and I just wanna go out on a high note.

(Started writing this at about the half hour mark before Unus Annus’s death, and now it’s like an hour later. Gosh I just don’t know when to shut up huh? lmao)

@zilthai37 - heya!♥ know you don’t follow Unus Annus stuff, so this will definitely be out of no where for you, but god. You’re too good of a person. I can go to you for literally anything and honestly I probably take it for granted. Something trivial, something serious, you’re always down to talk. I’ve never met another human being who’s so open with talking about things and so open to learn about other people and ideals. You’re honestly so great and so wonderful, man. I love talking to you and I just want you to know that you’re incredibly irreplaceable as a friend and a person.

@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes - I think you’re the only friend of mine from high school that still talks to me consistently -- and that’s so wild, considering during high school we almost never had the chance to talk. God, you’re just so passionate about your works and you’re always working on your art, and your art is so cute and wonderful. You’re also one of the NICEST people in the world. I don’t know many people who would be willing to give away what they have to support someone else. I adore talking to you and I’m so glad I didn’t lose you, and I never want to, not prematurely.

@secretly-neurotic - heyo! i dunno if you’ve been watching Unus Annus at all, so this might be a little random, but I just really want to say that you’re such a great friend and such a great memelord to talk to. Your art is AMAZING and I’m so glad that you’ve had the chance to be able to spread it to more people recently. I should do a better job of reblogging it so even more people can see it, haha. I know you’ve been real busy with school stuff lately and honestly i just feel really proud seeing you work towards things that you’re really interested in doing, while memeing it along the way. Tell your dad good luck with his BOTW game, hope you get your Switch back eventually lmao

@thoughtfullytired - i think of all my irl friends on this list, i’ve know you the shortest amount of time, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less valuable to me than any of my other friends. You always work so hard to improve your art, and you’re always so amazing at being able to express your emotions into your artwork. I love talking to you about everything, whether it be our nerd stuffs or just regular stuffs. You’re also so incredibly kind to offer your help on Act to Flirt, completely unprompted, when I came to you just ranting about my inability to write music, haha. Hoping the best for you in school (and for your space ship!!) even though I haven’t seen you in a long while.♥

@sansismybitch - ah the name sticks out in this sappy list, but it’s still a very fitting name regardless lmao. you’re honestly a really great and really inspired person. your dedication and interest in supporting those whose works you like is honestly unparalleled. i love when i get asks and memey submissions from you, it brings a smile to my day! talking to you is just so wonderful, and i know a lot of people out there would agree. i just want you to know that you’re really a wonderful person, truly.

@alch3mic - we’ve not talked very long, and I know I definitely already wrote you an incredibly sappy message the other day lmao, but this write-off wouldn’t feel right without saying something to you, especially since the two of us have been watching this stream together (though separately!) You’re just so incredibly passionate with all your projects and I honestly really look up to you and what you do. I’m always so happy seeing when you post because everything you write or draw always brings a smile to my face. Keep doin’ what you do man♥

@teirrart - maybe we don’t really talk (unless it’s some intense thirsting over milo), but I still really adore the work that you do! i think you were one of the first couple of people i followed when joining the fandom and re-joining on Tumblr here, because I adored the buttons you had on your store and bought them IMMEDIATELY haha. It’s still kinda funny to me to realize I have a set of buttons with Ink and Lust made by you and you’ve got my charms of Ink and Lust too.. it’s like a trade in a way, but I’ve just never had it happen lol. Your work is so cute, your characters are wonderful, and your stories are so emotionally driven. I adore them and adore what you do.

@tatatale - god, I still think about the drawing you did with Lust, Insans, and Ace. It brings such a smile to my face and it makes me so happy. I never thought someone who’s artwork and comics I’ve been reading since they started and really admired would ever make something with the characters I’ve made. And you do collabs and fanarts of people’s others works a lot! It’s so incredible to see. This kind of fan interaction is honestly so precious and rare. I adore your comics, I adore your art style, and you’re just so kind.

@owl-bones - we’ve only talked a few times, usually passively talking about the development of our dating sims, haha, but honestly your artwork is amazing, and the work you put into what you do is amazing. sometimes I sit here, a bit jealous of just how good Bonely Hearts Club is, but it’s honestly some silly jealousy lol. You put in an incredible amount of heart and soul into every bit of that game, and it’s so clearly evident even in just the short demo we’ve had so far -- everyone can see that. You’re an incredibly talented person.

...and, well, although you two will probably never ever see this, I suppose I’ll take the chance and throw my voice to the wind anyhow lol:

@markiplier and @crankgameplays - jesus christ, I’ve been watching you two for so long now that i can’t even believe how long it’s been. i was literally barely in high school. it’s so funny to me how I literally had the thought of “Man, I wish Ethan and Mark did more collabs” when YouTube decided to recommend me the escape room video from Unus Annus, a channel that I had somehow MISSED entirely. (At that point, of course. I watched every video from then onward and the ones from the couple of weeks I’d missed). It’s just so wild to me to really think that... a lot of what you two have done have really shaped me today. People often talk down upon the idea of looking up to others because people can do things wrong in the future and then - oh no - now you’re suddenly regretting supporting them. But you two have never once given me that kind of vibe, and I don’t feel like I’ll ever get that from you two in the future. Your work ethics and dedication to what you do really inspires me. It’s gotten me to where I am. Unus Annus ironically made me want death less when I was at such a low point in my life, and made me realize the value of using the time I have been given. It just somehow clicked for me. So, if either of you ever do see this? Just - thanks.

Memento mori.

but also, memento vivire. Remember to live.

#zircon rambles #memento mori #i dunno what to tag this as #sappy hours with zircon?#yall i just love you guys and all my friends #i never do enough for any of you #i just want to let you all know how wonderful and great you are

211 notes · View notes

metalbvcky · 3 years

Text

2020 Fic Year in Review

I’m waiting for my Sims game to finish updating, so I thought I’d do this since I saw @kalee60‘s post about it :)

Total number of completed stories:

14 (15 if you include a short 1am-oneshot I orphaned haha)

Total number of words:

111,575 (and that’s not including stuff I scrapped/haven’t posted omg)

Fandoms written in:

Marvel/Stucky but also Supernatural (on my main) just a tad because haven’t posted anything yet but I’m including it anyway haha

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Oh, absolutely! Heck, I never thought I’d write anything when it comes to fic because I’ve always kept quiet about my writing. (And I’ve been doing it since I was like 12 and it all started with my Club Penguin phase pffft) But my interest turned into an obsession rather quickly and I honestly can say, without a doubt, that @buckybees is the whole reason why I even got the courage to post my first fic! I’m so glad I did because writing fic has given me a new perspective on fandom in general. And it makes me appreciate fandom/fanon even more.

What’s your own favourite story of the year?

Pretty much all of them but Bucky's Got a Bun in the Oven? holds a special place in my heart. Not only was it my first published fic, but I never thought I’d write something like that. I go back and re-read it frequently since it’s so short.

No lie: Sometimes I look back at that fic and it makes me wanna write a series of short oneshots with Pregnant!Bucky. Like, just Domestic Steve/Bucky living in the modern day with a baby on the way. Bucky shopping for baby clothes, decorating the nursery, having snack parties with Natasha, taking care of the baby after the birth, those sort of things. Oh, I think I just talked myself into another idea. 😂

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Ehh, not really? However, I did write a series of crack oneshots lol. Some are crazier than others.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Apple Pie Crumble Cake - This is my #1 goal. It’s a Bakery!AU Kid Fic that I’ve been planning for months. It’s gonna be multi-chaptered, and at least 50k. I have 10 chapters outlined and there are still more I need to get to, but probably won’t until I start writing the darn thing lol.

I wanna start posting some smut oneshots on my secondary pseud, I have some done but I don’t think those will ever see the light of day since they’re just for practice- most of them were thought of on the spot without any outlining. I’d like to keep anything (totally) nsfw separate from my default pseud, just to be organized lol. And yes, this asexual read/writes smut. 😏 (my personal rule is as long as it doesn’t involve me, I’m good!)

I thought long and hard on this in the past week or so, and originally I thought I’d join the Shrunkyclunks ‘21 Bang but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to do it. It’d be my first bang, and while I have an idea, it’s just a little intimating to me lol. Soo, I’ll pass this year. Instead, I’m gonna look out for a Bingo whenever a new one starts up, since I’ll prob be more comfortable with that :)

(Does this short lil Beach!AU count even though it’ll be done in 2020 but will be posted next year?? lolol)

On my main, I’m writing a Supernatural + Spongebob crossover fic. Sort of like the episode, Scoobynatural. And I have a feeling that it’s gonna be turned into a series because I’m latched onto this idea- that started as a joke.

Most popular story of the year.

Are we talking hits or kudos?? Hits, Buchanan Medical. Kudos, The Case of Bucky’s Wisdom Teeth. Eitherway, I’m so happy those two made it as my most popular stories. Buchanan Med is close to me on a personal level, and Bucky’s wisdom teeth fic is something I’ve always wanted to read but never existed :3

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I think @kalee60 explained it perfectly when it comes to fics ‘flopping’ (I see this a lot on r/fanfiction) People will see it, they might like it, or won’t like it. And that’s okay! Not everything is for everyone, neither are tropes/genres. I know myself, I’m not a fan of A/B/O and the same could go for someone else who likes my personal favorite genre, hurt/comfort. And sometimes it’s kinda like an age old Tumblr saying: A post that took time and effort can get little as 10 notes but a spur of the moment post can get thousands. (Okay so, I made that up on the spot pffft)

Most fun story to write.

Buchanan Medical, but Mercury In Retrograde was super fun since I added the whole ‘space puns/pickup lines’ aspect to it. They basically share the same AU, but they’re totally different and that’s why I love them.

Most unintentionally telling story:

The entire Buchanan Med series. I wanted to explore Steve having asthma in a modern universe (because I too suffer from it- my whole life) and I really, truly, bled a little bit of my personal experience with the disease into the series. Having Bucky there, taking care of/treating Steve? It felt really comforting to me. And hey, write those self comfort fics!!!

Biggest disappointment.

I hoped to finish the last oneshot of Buchanan Med this year but sadly, my motivation for it just tanked. I write hurt/comfort best when I’m in the right mood for it, and I’m still waiting for it to come back to me, whenever that may be XD.

Biggest surprise.

The amount of reception I’ve gotten overall, the people I’ve met, the friends I’ve made, and new fandom experiences I’ve gotten to experience myself! Seriously, never in a million years did I think I’ve ever call myself a fanfic writer. But here I am, and I couldn’t be happier <3

~~~

My Sims game finished updating on the fifth question but I kept on rambling because I love taking about my writing!!! It made me realize that wow, I really did do a lot this year when it comes to fanon- especially since it was my first time delving into the world that is fanfiction writing <3 I have many hobbies, video games being the longest one, but I think I’ve spent more time writing/reading than playing games this year. My teenager-self WOULD NEVER believe that! But as the legendary Reggie Fils-Aimesays once said, "If it’s not fun, why bother?”

I’m gonna tag you guys if you wanna do this! @buckybees @justice-for-plums @hbalbat @its-tortle @captainjanegay @greyhavensking @snarky-drabbles @joharvele @musette22 @mysterious-marvel

#writing tag #mandy talks and stuff #tagging games #fanfiction #@ any/everyone who has read my writing: I LOVE YOU AND I'LL CHERISH YOU FOREVER

44 notes · View notes

tsuisou-no-despair · 3 years

Text

Higurashi When They Cry: Gou -My “Final” Thoughts

Since we’re getting a second season - and it’s so obvious that Gou was written as the first half of the story - I find it hard to rate Gou at this point in time. Do you remember how when Avengers: Infinity War came out and a lot of critics were like “well, we need to see Endgame before we can really make our judgements”? Yeah, it’s like that - hence why “final” is in quotes.

Even so, I still have some thoughts about Gou, Higurashi as a whole, and my experiences with getting in on something’s fandom. I’ll make a post for what I want out of Sotsu later - right now, here’s what I have for Gou.

What I Liked About Gou

Most of it, honestly! I enjoyed Gou greatly and I’m glad I sat down and gave it a watch. (This may be heresy, but I honestly found it better as an experience than the last airing-weekly anime thing I sat down and watched - that being Mob Psycho 100 Season 2) But as for the stuff unique to Gou thatI particularly liked:

First off, having a new Higurashi anime that’s actually good. We needed something like this after Outbreak, Kira and (to a much lesser extent) the non-Saikoroshi parts of Rei pushed the series deeper and deeper into a trash can.

I love the new art style and the new designs for the characters. There’s a lot of good in DEEN’s adaptation, but a lot of the time the art left something to be desired. Passione’s take on Hinamizawa gave us a cast that can be cute and beautiful and terrifying all while looking good.

There’s also a lot of really good cinematography - the shot used in the GIF above left me going ‘holy shit”.

The new themes are a triple threat of bangers. In particular I loved that they brought in Ayane to really give it a deeper tie to Higurashi as a greater franchise. (The best of these, of course, is Irregular Entropy)

Episode 4′s twist. Just... *chef’s kiss*. I know that people poked it apart and called it ridiculous after the fact but I don’t know if the feeling of dread when Rena’s eyes were hidden by shadow, and I realized that this wasn’t going to end well, is something I could ever really recapture.

Speaking of violence, the ending of Episode 13. The dull red light... the ringing bell... good stuff.

In retrospect, creating Tataridamashi by bringing in Minagoroshi was smart, specifically from a character-introduction standpoint. They needed to establish the existence of Kimiyoshi, Oryou and Akane for later parts of the story and dipping into Minagoroshi’s involvement of them is probably the easiest way to do it.

In general, Gou’s really smart about its character introductions. I didn’t think they’d bring in Akasaka but I’m honestly really pleased with how they did it.

SatoRika was confirmed! And was really cute... until it extremely wasn’t! (But in a good way!)

The fact that Satoko and Rika’s conflict at St. Lucia was so nuanced, with neither of them really being 100% right or 100% wrong. (Of course, this doesn’t last)

I might be slightly conflicted about Satokowashi as an arc, but none of those conflicts are with Eua. (The “FUCK YEAH FEATHERINE TIME” from Twitter was particularly tasty)

The dub! I know a lot of people are ambivalent towards the Gou dub but I for one am happy that we’ve got some great performances, as well as a Higurashi dub that’s actually good. Maybe not great, but far better than what DEEN got in the end.

This Shion face

This is the face of someone that’s going to wreck her sister’s chances with her new boyfriend for fun.

What I Didn’t Like About Gou

Watadamashi in general. This is easily the weakest arc by a long shot, which sucks because I like Watanagashi-hen quite a bit. A lot of the time, it just felt like the animators had chose it as the place to cut costs. As good as the Takano scene in the Saiguiden is, it’s one of the things that makes the least sense in retrospect given the changes to Takano that have been established in Gou. And Episode 8 was rough both from a pacing and a what-happened standpoint. While Watadamashi had some great moments (the above Shion face as well as Rika dressing down Keiichi), overall it was clearly the weakest arc, particularly after Shion left the picture.

The pacing of Gou in general left something to be desired at times - they really should’ve shifted the extra episode in the first cour from Tataridamashi to Watadamashi, and Satokowashi could’ve probably condensed some of its episodes down and gave more room to other things, like...

Satoshi. He really shouldn’t have been as absent from the series as he was - hell, until Ep. 9 I legitimately thought that he might’ve been cut from the story altogether (and honestly, if they did that maybe the story would have been better!)

On that note, Episode 22 just kinda sucked in general.

While I’m not on the “where’s Shion” train as heavily as some meme artists are, I do think that the fact that she had to be written out of the second cour entirely to make it work is one of Gou’s story’s objective faults.

There’s a lot of little details added or addressed in Satokowashi-hen that I feel are either less than good, or are just restrictive. The big two of these is Satoko watching all of the fragments (either Eua should’ve just given her a sample platter, or we should’ve seen more of Satoko’s thoughts and reactions) and the fact that the memories returning means that eventually Hinamizawa would end up “solved” without Satoko’s intervention.

Honestly, Gou’s finale needed a bit more punch - it wasn’t bad but honestly even for a halfway point it could have ended with a bit more of a bang.

The Fandom Side Of Things

First off, I want to preface this by saying thanks for following me, taking my theories into account (it always feels cool whenever I see something I threw into the aether in one of my Theory Times getting adopted and spread by someone else as an interesting idea!) and sticking with me through Gou and hopefully through Sotsu. You are all amazing and I love you all.

After Watadamashi concluded, I decided that my Higurashi bullshit needed its own sideblog, because I recognized that nobody in my other circles was even remotely into Higurashi and I didn’t want to shout into the void. So, I made myself a sideblog, named it after one of my favorite Higurashi console openings, and started posting my thoughts. Quickly I discovered a whole world of theories (”Satoko’s suspicious? I never would have thought of that!” - me, a young and naive fool), hot takes, and a surprising number of Rena kin. (Who are all delightful, I assure you!)

One of the things that stuck out to me was the different schools of opinion that formed. While I ended up as a relatively quiet analyst who overall liked Gou despite its flaws (a camp shared by two of my favorite blogs - @tarhalindur and @thewhitefluffyhat - that you need to follow if you don’t already), there were many others who had much stronger thoughts. Some of them were loudly cheering the story’s turns, while others seemed to decide that Gou could do no right and acted accordingly. Joining a Discord run by one of the larger Higurashi blogs on Tumblr gave me a live view of the process in Satokowashi’s later half, and it made me really realize what shaped people’s views on Gou. Some particular factors that caught my eye:

Whether or not they liked Umineko over Higurashi (mostly a Twitter element - the Umineko fans really enjoyed Eua making her appearance and overall reacted really positively to Gou)

Where they hailed from - honestly I think that Tumblr overall was one of the more positive fanbases for Gou (at least of the big concrete places like it and Reddit), given how the various camps thought of Gou’s eventual villain.

How they felt about Episode 16 - there were a lot of people that seriously felt that Rika learning the “lesson” of “maybe leaving the hometown where bad things happened isn’t the right call” was far, far more abhorrent and objectionable than the part where she got her entrails ripped out!

How they feel about Satoko, naturally - particularly, how much they sympatized with her and how much they didn’t want to see her go down the path she did. Tumblr in particular had a lot of people that related with her and her life situation, and it was never not interesting to see how the sympathy and occasional projection shaped someone’s particular thoughts. (There were some strong reactions to Gou showing an abuse victim becoming an even worse abuser, let me tell you.)

I think I’ll conclude these final thoughts by quoting my IRL best friend’s tags regarding the fandom of her choice:

It really is. And I’m glad I got on this ride and saw it through with all of you.

See you in July.

#higurashi #higurashi when they cry #higurashi gou #higurashi gou spoilers #higurashi gou thoughts #higurashi gou FINAL thoughts #i'll admit I'm still a little sad that satoko never killed anyone with that teddy bear #also i'm 100% going to keep posting and theorizing up to and beyond july don't you worry

20 notes · View notes

amphtaminedreams · 3 years

Text

Farewell to Spooky Season, AHS Style: Lookbook no.12

Hi to anyone reading,

Happy belated Halloween!

I capitalise it because if I'm gonna recognise any day as sacred, it’s the spookiest one of the year! Halloween 2020 obviously hasn’t been as exciting as usual, parties and club nights being banned has meant there’s been far less opportunities to dress up, but I still managed to get out for the night before they announced the upcoming second lockdown and do a couple of spooky movie nights (and carve a pumpkin!)!

I originally intended for this lookbook to be last minute halloween costume inspo but I was lazy and didn’t manage to get it out on time-a lot of these looks minus the makeup and maybe an accessory or two could work on any day or night out so I thought I’d go ahead and post it now anyway. Celebrating the fashion moments of American Horror Story is something I’ve wanted to do for a while; it’s probably not the first show you’d think of for sartorial inspiration but Mr. Ryan Murphy has fucking fantastic taste in stylists and the first five seasons of AHS in particular, which I’ll be focussing on in this post, have given us SO many amazing looks. The man may be guilty of many things-subjecting us to the character of Will Schuester, trying to turn Richard Ramirez into a thirst trap, embarrassing everyone who raved about how good Scream Queens was when he wrote season 2-but costume related laziness is not one of them. We see more consistency in a Ryan Murphy character’s wardrobe than we do in their story arcs and I respect that because honestly, as much as I love joining in when it comes to ripping into his ability to cohesively bring an AHS season to a close when it airs, I’d probably be the same; if you put Lady Gaga in front of me and told me to write her lines I’d probably end up getting overly invested in what her character was going to be wearing in the scene too.

So! Enough Ryan Murphy bashing from me! I’ll get on with it! Starting with 3 season 1 inspired looks:

Murder House: Elizabeth Short, Tate Langdon and Violet Harmon

-striped jumper from caitlinlark on Depop, kick flare jeans from ellagray-

When it comes to reflecting on season 1 of American Horror Story, all I can say do is thank the internet overlords that Tumblr has moved on from the romanticising school shooters and wearing normal people scare me tops phase to instead collectively taking the piss out of the “GO AWAY, TATE!”, “YOU’RE ALL THAT I WANTTT! YOU’RE ALL THAT I HAVEEE!” exchange.

In terms of fashion *moments*, whilst season 1 doesn’t stand out as much as the seasons that come after, Violet and Tate’s wardrobes did give birth to a bit of a 90s grunge renaissance with their oversized knits and faded jeans and layering of textures. It did also give us good costumes in the form of Alexandra Breckenridge’s Moira O’Hara and Mena Suvari’s portrayal of the Black Dahlia, Elizabeth Short; unfortunately, I didn’t have a slutty maid costume lying around so I did the best I could at giving the outfit Elizabeth wears when she makes that fateful visit to the Murder House a modern, more party appropriate update.

In terms of season rankings, Murder House isn’t my favourite. It starts off really great but lulls a bit towards the end and I could never get behind Violet and Tate as a couple because you know, one of them is a school shooter who sexually assaults the other’s mum, and that’s a hurdle that I think most couples might struggle to get over irl. That being said, it was the season that started it all and showcased some of the most innovative writing and directing on TV, and it opened up a spot for horror on primetime television which as far as I know was kind of unheard of before then. Back when I first watched it, I had no idea what to expect not only because I’d never seen horror in a serial format but also because it seemed to be able to get away with the kind of storylines you’d expect network executives to fire people over. It introduced us to Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters and Denis O’Hare who would go on to make the show what it is today and more importantly, through Jessica’s glorious portrayal of Constance Langdon, provide us with an endlessly versatile meme format for this trying time.

Asylum: ‘60s Lana Winters, ‘70s Lana Winters, and Sister Mary Eunice McKee

-afghan coat from louisemarcella on Depop, red AA skater dress from julietramage, pink gingham co-ord from zshamim-

I think we can all agree: Asylum would’ve been a perfect series of television if it wasn’t for the completely unnecessary alien storyline. Like, I get that they fit in with the whole good vs. evil theme as a kind of non-biblical alternative to the idea of a higher, all-powerful being but there was already so much going on that it just wasn’t needed. Aside from that, I think the general consensus amongst watchers of the show is that Asylum has the best writing of any season and I think I’d tend to agree. It’s not my favourite because it’s too depressing to rewatch but if we’re talking the first time round, this is the series that had me hooked. Lana Winters?

Iconic.

Sister Mary Eunice? Iconic. The Name Game? Iconic. Remember when you couldn’t go a day on Facebook without seeing that one photo of Naomi Grossman as Pepper used as the go to “what I really look like” photo in one of those “expectation vs. reality” style posts on your newsfeed? Those were simpler times.

Because this season was mostly situated within the hospital, we didn’t get that many proper outfits but when we did, they were stunning; if I had to state my absolute favourite AHS character of the entire show I’d probably go with Lana Winters and the part her wardrobe played in her characterisation would 100% play a part in that. The late 60s/early 70s was such a wonderful period for fashion and through her character we get to see both of those explored a little. Of course there’s also *that* Sister Mary Eunice scene with the red slip dress and suspenders too which yes, could be a perfect halloween costume, but I also strongly believe should be a perfectly acceptable outfit for any day of the year.

Coven: Misty Day, Madison Montgomery, and Zoe Benson

-chiffon dress from rags_to_riches on Depop, pinstripe corset from hanpiercey, and tennis skirt from mollie_morton-

I hate to be a basic bitch but I have to say it: Coven is my favourite season of American Horror Story. Once you get over the complete waste of Evan Peters’ acting capabilities that resulted from the *choice* to have him play Kyle, the unnecessary rehash of the Evan/Taissa pairing from season 1 in what I can only assume was an attempt to capitalise on the popularity of the questionable Tate/Violet relationship, and the subsequent sacrifice of any interesting character arc we could’ve foreseen for Zoe Benson beyond her obsessing over a resurrected, non-verbal frat boy, it’s a perfect season. A supreme (heh) balance of horror, humour, and character drama, as well as the stunning aesthetics and forever quotable dialogue, make it my go-to season if I’m ever considering a rewatch. And if you disagree, let me jog your memory with the most mainstream (not to get all “normal people scare me” and suggest AHS is not a mainstream show, I literally just mean in the sense that even those who have never watched the show will have seen this) reaction GIF set any FX show has even spawned:

Buzzfeed employees had a field day, Emma Roberts enthusiasts (I mean me) finally saw her cemented as the pop culture icon Scream Queens has since showed us she deserves to be (because not enough people have seen Unfabulous, Nancy Drew or Scream 4) and the gays everywhere rejoiced at the year’s worth of meme fodder they’d been provided with. It was Madison Montgomery’s world and we were truly just living in it.

And the fashion! I mean, Stevie Nicks meets 21st century teenage witches! Come on!

Freakshow: Dandy Mott, Maggie Esmerelda and Elsa Mars

-olive green satin skirt from morganogle on Depop, headscarf from tonijordan, platform sandals from elliefewt, PVC skirt from bethpin_, corset top from sadieflinter, beret from house_of_erotique, flame detail platform boots from mad_rags_vintage-

When people talk about the declining quality of AHS, they usually point to Freakshow as the beginning of the end, but I have to completely disagree. I wasn’t a fan the first time round but on rewatch it’s probably the most emotional season of them all; no, there aren’t as many “horrifying” moments as in other seasons and Elsa is probably Jessica’s worst performance (which is still an incredible one by anybody else’s standards), however it makes up for it with the most sympathetic bunch of characters yet, and on the flip side, also one of the most amusingly depraved with Finn Wittrock’s Dandy Mott. Fans usually argue that the season went downhill once *SPOILER* Twisty the Clown was killed off but for me, he really primarily served as the catalyst for the far more interesting devolution of Dandy, who, imo, is the show’s strongest villain to date, rivalled only by Bloody Face. Then there was the episode Orphans too which made me cry buckets, the sole AHS episode to do so.

We got a lot of great fashion content in this season too: the theatrical opulence of Elsa Mars’ wardrobe, “Maggie”’s nomadic fortune teller costumes, and all those twee suits we saw Finn Wittrock in. Highly underrated if you ask me. It seems an odd choice for me to use Elsa’s Dominatrix look as an inspiration for one of my looks here when we have that Life on Mars performance outfit and all the extravagant robes Jessica got to waltz around in for reference buuuut I didn’t really have anything to do the vibrancy of either of those justice so I went with the black leather option which is much more me. Am I saying I moonlight as a dominatrix? Maybe. Lol, no. I wish. It’s not for lack of trying. WHERE ARE ALL THE GENUINE TWITTER PAYPIGS AT!? Your girl wants to insult creepy men and get some new clothes out of it xoxo

Hotel: Hypodermic Sally, Liz Taylor, and The Countess

-silk white bralet from xlibby_maix on Depop-

Hotel is another season that I liked a lottttt more upon rewatch, once I knew I was okay to tune out the (completely predictable and utterly nonsensical) Ten Commandments Killer storyline that so much of the season initially seems to hinge on. I love Chloë Sevigny but the fact that her and Wes Bentley’s wooden John and Alex Lowe are positioned as the protagonists at the expense of the far more interesting Liz Taylor, James March and Hypodermic Sally really does a disservice to what is an otherwise great season upon initial viewing.

The visuals this season are magnificent and I think if I had to pick one character’s wardrobe to steal from the entire cast of AHS characters, it would be The Countess (a toss up between her and Misty Day tbh, so I kinda just settle for low-key channelling both). No fucking idea where I'd wear any of her clothes to but I’d make it work. Liz Taylor and Hypodermic Sally have some amazing looks too-there’s just honestly so much to choose from; that being said, this post wouldn’t be complete without a specific ode to the vampire goddess Elizabeth Bathory, who is everything I want to be in life minus the murderous qualities:

Everything. EVER-Y-THING. LOOK AT HER!

Lady Gaga is really a fucking goddess isn’t she. And people were claiming before they’d even seen it that she couldn’t act? A patriarchal society doesn’t like women that can do it all. Just saying.

Anyways!

That’s it for now! I hope you enjoyed the post if you did read til the end! Sorry I couldn’t get this out before Halloween, I was typing and Picmonkey-ing madly from 2 in the afternoon on the 31st but I taking fucking forever to get ready and had to abandon all hope of getting it out on the day by 4PM. I’ve got so much content planned and it sucks because a couple of them are lookbooks which now feel completely redundant given we’re heading into a second lockdown, but maybe I should just do it anyway? The grunge inspired moodboard I just did seemed to get a good reception too so I’ve got some more of them planned.

As always, hope everyone is keeping well, and feel free to inbox me with any suggestions, queries or even just to say hi if you need someone to talk to! I check here quite a lot so I should see it. Lots of love to everyone in this time!

Lauren x

67 notes · View notes

cowboyshit · 3 years

Text

twenty questions

tagged by: @dustofinsanity (thank you so much my dear!!!!!!)

what do you prefer to be called name-wise? honestly I’ll probably answer to most things as long as they aren’t mean. but ash, ashley, doe, those seem to be the solid three I’m known by around here when is your birthday? november 30th! where do you live? in a tiny, backwoods cow-town smack dab in the middle of california three things you are doing right now? filling this questionnaire out, eating dinner I just finished cooking, and petting sadie with my foot since she’s curled up at my feet after she finished her dinner four fandoms that have peaked your interest. I guess I can go with four I’ve been heavily involved with, even though there’s plenty more than that since I’m a little fangirl at heart, but wrestling (obviously), black sails, the night shift, and pirates of the caribbean how has the pandemic been treating you? uh, I mean, it hasn’t been great and I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad shit as all of us have, and probably some of my worst mental health battles I’ve had to face in about a year or so, but honestly? I just kind of count my blessings these days. lucky to still be employed, even if my pay got a little cut it was nothing that keeps me from paying my bills. all I had to do was take away a few luxury things to make ends meet, and that’s a lot, LOT less than other people have had to do. so yeah, it’s been pretty shitty, this year has been bad news after bad news both personally and globally, but whatever. it could be worse. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? it is no-joke like a four-way tie. a bunch of good songs were in my discover weekly and I’ve been playing four of them on non-stop repeat one after the other. oh! and one my best friend showed to me. this baby don’t cry by k. flay, rock bottom by grandson, ok ok by hoko, and insurgents by the poolside by denny recommend a movie. i’ve jumped into holiday mood early af because tbh I need the holiday cheer, so keeping in that theme, I suggest the holiday with jude law because DUH how old are you? thirty! school, university, occupation, other? had some college, been working in my current career for the past ten years. hoping to pursue a promotion finally since my supervisors have been telling me for the past eight years that I need to promote do you prefer heat or cold? cold pleeeaaaase! I’m a radiator and put off heat like nobody’s business. I’m always warm. name one fact others may not know about you. this is hard because I just constantly blab everything about me, and I have two people who literally know EVERYTHING about me lmfao uhhh I guess... something people may not know... uhhh... on my dad’s side of the family one half was ashkenazi jewish who had to flee germany to avoid the holocaust, where they went to live in italy, while the other half were nazi’s committing some pretty bad stuff that my family won’t talk about, even to this day. funny how two descendants eventually met in america and fell in love, huh? and when they DID fall in love one of them was half italian and in the mafia! so I always joke that my bubbly cheerful self is a descendent of some pretty evil shit, and it feels like a nice little stab at those shitty ancestors of mine. are you shy? uhhh yeah and no??? like. I think I’m shy, since all interaction terrifies me and exhausts me, but everyone tells me I’m a social butterfly? and I’ve noticed in places I’m comfortable and confident, I do tend to be less shy and more involved and interactive? but I think I can be shy. a lot of waiting for other people to initiate because I’m too afraid to, struggling to talk or carry a conversation at times... I don’t know I think I’m overcomplicating this answer LOL preferred pronouns? she/her! biggest pet peeves? gatekeeping, to be perfectly honest. I stopped following wrestling back in 2014 because when I first tried to get into the fandom, someone was trying to gatekeep a wrestler I also liked and had started making content for and they made me feel like shit for liking them, and I absolutely hated it. that’s why it took me an entire two years of quietly lurking in the wrestling fandom before I finally got brave enough to come out of the woodwork, and I’m grateful I’ve been so well received this time around. but now I’m hyper-sensitive to gatekeeping and I fucking hate it. no joke. and since it’s a pet peeve and I’m irked just remembering all that bs I went through, ima say I’m only a part of fandom to share my love of whatever that thing is with other people who love it too. I can’t stand anyone who thinks they have some sort of “claim” over a celebrity or a show or anything. get a different identity that isn’t wrapped up in that thing and stop seeing it as a threat when other people like it. be happy someone else is as passionate about that thing as you are and make a friend. damn. what is your favorite “dere” type? I’m pretty sure this is something with anime or that originated from anime, right? unfortunately I don’t know what they are so I can’t say LOL I don’t even know if I’m right about it coming from anime tbh rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. 4, 5, but I’m putting in the foundation now and working to make it a 6, 7, or possibly 8 by a year or two from now. what’s your main blog? funnily enough? this one. my OTHER blog that was my main blog since I joined tumblr in 2009 got shoved to the side for this one last year LOL I assumed I’d log onto this blog once in awhile, but now it took over my whole damn life so here I am I guess list your side blogs and what they’re used for. I’m going to be fair and ONLY list my active ones because I have a few side blogs from when I role-played on tumblr that I haven’t touched in over a year. @doedreamss is my non-wrestling blog that WAS my main blog before this one, @cowboysht is my archive where I am ONLY putting my original gifsets/analysis/fanfiction so that one day I can offer people a blog of just my original work and no other posts (the queue is very slowly catching up I think I’ve queued posts up until june this year), @illfatedandstarcrossed is just a non-frequently used outlet for me to mope and dump emotions when I get sad about my relationship things (like a diary! but... public? and not my original thoughts? LOL), and then I have one more blog but it’s locked and private and it’s LITERALLY my diary where I can just vent when I got shit I wanna get off my chest but don’t necessarily want people to see it. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I probably won’t talk to you daily, tbh. I may not even talk to you weekly. socializing takes a lot out of me, on top of an already energy draining day-to-day in my personal life. I have a handful of people I connect with who I talk with frequently, but unfortunately as much as I’d love for it to be endless, I have to keep that list short for my own sanity. my infrequent conversations mean absolutely nothing about my lack of interest in you or how much I care about you. my granny once said I would be the perfect friend for someone you only want to talk to twice a month and she thought she was insulting me, but deadass I just said “YEAH! EXACTLY!!”

tagging: I really like this one so I WANT to tag people, but I feel braindead and also just want to post it cause I feel like I am definitely gonna forget to tag someone tbh aaaaahh okay okay I’m just gonna throw some names out there but please don’t feel pressured to do this (it is TWENTY questions) @kennyhoemega, @champbucks, @superkickparty, @adampage, @hintsofsunshine, @audreyhrnes, @sheslikealostflower, @lancearchers, @champnick, @janelanutella, @edgecution, @superrezzy00, @wardl0w, @writinglionqueen, @orangechuckiet, @hungmanhorsecarriage, @icouldbesus, @thatnerdwriter, @rampagewriting, @snarkandsarcasmftw, @tetsuyainthesky AND I DUNNO JUST ANYONE WHO WANTS TO OK I LOVE YOU ALL BYE

#ashleys playin #not wrestling related #long post for ts #long post

47 notes · View notes

barbie-shoes · 4 years

Text

Dark SQ fic

So after hopping back on tumblr for the first time in a long time today I got a little Swan Queen nostalgia and was looking through my WIPs and found this Dark SQ fic I started back some time around the Jekyll and Hyde arch. So I thought I’d share what I’d found and see if the SQ fandom is still interested in an idea like this, as sober living and corona got me with a lot of spare time on my hands lol.

———

‘Untitled’ Dark Swan Queen

“You're sure you want to do this?” Emma asked, nodding her head once to indicate the syringe in Regina's hand.

“Yes,” Regina replied resolutely. “I want her gone.”

“Okay,” Emma bobbed her head a few times as she held up a second syringe. “Then we do this together.”

“Together,” Regina agreed.

Of course, she had tried to talk Emma out of it. Emma was good, she'd always been good– that one little hiccup with Cruella and her time as the Dark One notwithstanding. Even so, both happened under the best of intentions. She protected Henry. And she protected Regina.

It was always a futile argument, she'd known from the start. Emma was as stubborn as they came, and her mind was made.

Emma had her reasons, none of which were disclosed to Regina. She still feared the potential for darkness in her heart, the things she felt under the curse of the Dark One. It wasn't that she didn't trust Regina, there simply wasn't enough time to get into all that before Emma's mother came looking for them. Emma was certain the woman would vehemently object to her daughter joining in Regina's endeavor to split from her darker half. So time was of the essence.

“On three?” Emma suggested, poising the needle towards her outstretched arm.

Regina pursed her lips, wishing Emma wouldn't do this. It was a risk she didn't mind taking for herself, but she hated Emma's willfulness to put herself in unnecessary danger. She was pretty sure the woman would go ahead with or without her at this point, and so she sighed and gave a sharp nod of her head in agreement.

“One,” Emma counted.

“Two,” Regina continued, placing her own syringe against her skin.

“Three,” they said in unison, both plunging the needles into their arms before either could lose their nerve.

The liquid burned under their skin as it flowed through their veins. Almost instantly their bodies began to cramp and convulse, wracked with a searing pain as if their other halves were being physically ripped out of them. It was more excruciating than childbirth, Emma thought. Regina wondered why it hadn't occurred to them that removing a part of yourself might be physically painful.

Then quite suddenly it all stopped. Not even a dull sting remained. Emma straightened her posture and opened her eyes to a positively terrified and stricken Regina staring straight ahead. Following the woman's gaze, Emma found herself once again face to face with the Evil Queen, hair piled high on top of her head with one silky curled section draped over her shoulder. Her black skirt bellowed in the wind under a dramatic black blazer with sharp, dagger-like shoulders. Her dark burgundy lips spread into a menacing sneer, and Emma's gawking came to an abrupt halt with a fireball instinctually springing to life in her hand.

“Ah, ah, ah,” another voice jeered just outside Emma's field of vision. Her head snapped towards the source, and her jaw dropped. It was her, but it wasn't her. Dressed in lacquered black pants and a distinguished black leather jacket, the woman had Emma's face but she was paler, with hair white as fresh snow. A braid snaked down the back of her head, around her neck and over her chest. She, too, held a ball of fire in her palm, red lips smirking dangerously. “I wouldn't do that if I were you.”

Regina seemed to find her wits again at that, hearing Emma's voice so cold and taunting.

“You're the Dark One,” Regina said, the words falling uncertainly out of her mouth of their own accord.

“Not technically, no,” the woman replied banefully, turning a sharp glare towards Emma. “Not since this one so stupidly let our power fall back into the hands of Rumpelstiltskin. But I suppose you could call me... the Dark Swan.”

“Could we put the toys away, girls?” the Evil Queen asked both Emmas like they were nothing more than naughty children. “Honestly, everyone on this rooftop knows how to conjure a fireball; they're hardly going to be of any use. Can't we all just have a little talk?”

Her voice was sickly sweet and Regina wasn't buying it for a second.

“You never want to just talk,” she said, heavy with suspicion. “Don't forget that I know your games.”

The Evil Queen laughed dramatically and clapped her hands together with delight.

“Indeed you do!” she cackled. “And yet, this is a most unique situation we find ourselves in, is it not?”

“Enough with the chit-chat,” Emma's counterpart sighed in exasperation. Then, turning to address the Evil Queen, “Have you already forgotten why they brought us here in the first place?”

“My, my! You do have a point, dear,” the Evil Queen replied with her usual flourish. “That is quite troublesome, isn't it?”

“You see,” the Dark Swan began, much more stoically than her newfound companion. “Up until just moments ago, we were still you. Which means that we know exactly what you're planning to do.”

“The problem is,” the Evil Queen picked up, apparently knowing just where this monologue was headed, “that we're stronger than you. Without us inside you, you don't have the gall to follow through.” She finished her statement with a furled lip, as though appalled by the shortcomings of the plain women before her.

“Regina...” Emma whispered to the woman beside her, feeling more helpless than she could ever remember since she was a child, hoping against hope that she was the only one. She desperately needed Regina's strength right now.

Regina just glanced at her with a hapless expression, her eyes conveying everything. They had made an absolutely terrible mistake.

It was at that moment that Snow burst through the door to the rooftop, immediately frozen in her tracks not by magic, but utter disbelief.

“Oh, Emma,” she bemoaned, woefully addressing the daughter she recognized. “What did you do?”

“What's the matter, mommy dearest?” the Dark Swan spat. “Can't face the other side of the little girl you abandoned? You two-faced hypocrite.”

“Oh,” the Evil Queen gasped gleefully at the admonishing, “I think you and I shall get along quite well. Care to join me in departing this wretched crowd?”

The Evil Queen extended her dainty hand and the Dark Swan surveyed the faces around her with aberration.

“Miss Swan?” the Evil Queen inquired, not exactly irritated but ill inclined to patience.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” the Dark Swan replied, placing her hand in the one proffered with a devious glint. “I would absolutely love to.”

With a wave of the arm and a cloud of purple smoke, they were gone.

Neither Emma nor Regina could quite process what just happened. The Evil Queen and the Dark Swan were now loose, uninhibited, and apparently newfound allies. Even worse, they were right. They were stronger than Emma and Regina in so many ways.

When at last they each found the courage to face the woman that discovered them in the midst of their faux pas, it was to be met with folded arms and a disapproving glare.

“The two of you,” Snow hissed slowly, “have a lot of explaining to do.”

———

There wasn't really much else to do than make their way back to Storybrooke. They couldn't exactly go scouring the entire world for their Dark counterparts. That was, after all, quite a lot of ground to cover.

They'd hoped that going home they might find some relief, both from the pains of their pasts and from the guilt of what they'd done. Days meandered by, and there seemed to be little relief in sight.

“How are you feeling?” Regina asked at the diner. It had been three days, to be precise, and she couldn't take not knowing if she was the only one any longer.

“How so?” Emma asked with a nonchalant shrug, though her tone belied her indifference.

“You know what I mean,” Regina rolled her eyes. “Since the split.”

It was strange, her interactions with Emma now. She cared for the woman a great deal, she always did. But her care had altered somehow in the past few days. She would die to protect Emma, and yet, it didn't feel the same.

“I feel,” Emma started, then stopped, uncertain she wanted to say how she truly felt. But this was Regina, she told herself, and wasn't she always open with Regina? She didn't want to question her hesitation, and so she powered on. “I feel... nothing. I mean, not nothing.” Her fingers worried at the base of her neck. “It's just... everything is dimmed, you know? Like it's there but most of the time it feels just out of reach.”

“Oh, thank heavens,” Regina said, sighing in relief.

“Uh, you're welcome?” Emma replied with a sideways glance and a curious frown.

“No, no,” Regina assured. “Not like that. I don't want there to be anything wrong with you, it's just... I feel the same way.”

As a similar sense of relief washed over her, Emma understood. Something had felt pointedly off kilter inside since the split, and though she wanted Regina's happiness even more than her own sometimes, a common ally right now was most welcome.

“We...” Regina began hesitantly, wondering why her faith in Emma felt so inaccessible. “Do you think we made a mistake?” She inquired, deciding a question was less off putting than her initial statement.

“Probably,” Emma drawled, equally uncertain. “I mean, maybe. Do you?”

Regina stared into her drink, unspeaking. Something was horribly amiss, and they both knew it. Their interactions felt foreign with a far away familiarity, like old classmates at their ten year reunion. They didn't understand why everything was suddenly so awkward, so hard to say aloud.

“I think,” Regina replied, ignoring the waves of incomprehension she felt, “that we need to find the books of this Jekyll and Hyde and figure out just what we've done.”

———

Emma walked home feeling listless, empty. As she always did the past few days. Everything bad was gone and yet... she felt hollow. Henry seemed to be the only thing that could make her shine anymore, but tonight he was with Regina and Emma was alone with her musings.

Or so she thought.

Opening the door to the home she was supposed to share with Hook she was greeted by a voice that was distinctly female.

“Welcome home,” it said with saccharine familiarity. “It's just you and me tonight, kid.”

Emma wanted to yell, but she didn't, frozen in place by her own voice vibrating through her ears though not in her throat.

“Where is Hook?” She finally demanded, cringing at the meekness in her voice. The Dark Swan scoffed.

“You realize how impersonal that name is don't you?” the woman sneered. “Oh, wait, of course you don't. You banished those thoughts to me instead of dealing with them.”

Emma recoiled briefly, foggy memories of uncertainty emerging in the peripheral of her mind's eye but too blurred to make any real sense of.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she shrieked indignantly instead, still confounded by the way it all sounded so incredibly whiny and not at all firm. “And you didn't answer my question.”

The Dark Swan waved her hand dismissively with a rather unimpressed furl of her lip.

“I sent him off,” she replied like it was most mundane. Then, a wicked glint shone in her eyes. “He was awfully quick to comply when I explained who I was. Isn't it interesting,” she inquired, standing now and moving towards Emma, “how willingly he'll flee when faced with anything more than the most amicable version of ourself?”

It hit a cord, the Dark Swan’s observation. Emma felt it strum, but it was as though it played somewhere outside her, with earmuffs that muffled its tune and made it all too easy to pretend she hadn't heard.

“What are you doing here,” she asked, steering the conversation away from the man she was supposed to be sharing this roof with.

“I live here,” the Dark Swan stated simply, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Like hell you do,” Emma spat, finally feeling a tiny bit of fire ignite in her veins. “This is my home!”

The Dark Swan looked like she wanted to laugh, but Emma never laughed under the curse of the Dark One and neither did she now. Still, the amusement she saw in the woman's eyes practically bubbled over.

“I really did get the better end of the stick in this split, didn't I?” The Dark Swan mused, almost to her herself but definitely for Emma's benefit– or detriment, more likely. “You think you're the real Emma Swan, isn't that right? And that I am something other; a foreign entity out to destroy you.” Emma was stricken at the assessment, and at the notion it might be false. “News flash, kiddo. You may not like me, but I don't particularly like you either. And neither of those things make one of us more real than the other. We are equal parts of the same whole. You are merely the version of us that we wanted people to see. The one we tried so hard to become. Which–” she paused thoughtfully, “–would actually make me the more accurately ‘real’ of the two of us.”

“You have no idea–”

“I have every idea,” Dark Swan hissed. “Every single one you don't want to look at, I have it,” she paused menacingly. “Oh...” she drawled dramatically. “The things I could tell you.”

“I don't want to know,” Emma replied staunchly. “I don't want anything to do with you!”

The Dark Swan crept closer still.

“I bet you don't,” she heaved in a breathy whisper. “I bet you don't want to be reminded of the nights you lay awake next to your boyfriend, wondering what Regina's lips taste like.”

“I never–”

“They're exquisite, by the way,” the Dark Swan teased. “The most plump, soft, delicious lips we have ever tasted. You could have found out years ago, but you were too afraid. Would you like me to tell me things you never even dared consider? Like what it feels like to make her moan with your lips wrapped around her–”

“Stop!” Emma yelled, hating with everything she had the way she suddenly burned between her legs. She knew, in some far off way, that she had questioned this before. But she didn't anymore and that was a good thing. This parody of her only wanted to play on her vulnerabilities.

“Are you sure?” The Dark Swan jeered. “You don't want to hear about how hard she–”

“No!” Emma yelled, exasperated and short of breath at the very notions placed in her head. This woman was just messing with her. Trying to get into her head and ruin her happy ending. Sure, the idea of fucking Regina had once made her hot, but it was nothing more than a fantasy. This false iteration of her knew that, and was using that knowledge to try and break her.

“Fine then,” the Dark Swan acquiesced smugly, turning for the stairs. “I'm planning to sleep in my own bed tonight. You're welcome to the couch if you don't care to join me.”

Though her fire felt dimmed and she would quite nearly rather die than share a bed with her counterpart, she huffed and made her way up the stairs as well because Emma Swan would be damned if she let this character of herself get the best of her.

———

A similar conversation transpired simultaneously at 108 Mifflin Street, though Regina was hardly surprised to find her other half draped regally across the living room sofa.

“Took you long enough,” Regina muttered, rolling her eyes. She knew her own antics well enough to know the Evil Queen was sat in this lounging position quite intentionally, ensuring it was obvious she felt quite at home in the mansion.

“Miss Swan and I decided to take a little detour,” the Evil Queen replied mischievously, and Regina's heart sank.

“You didn't...” she pleaded.

“Oh, of course I did!” The Evil Queen purred. “I did everything you've ever dreamed of. She's quite the tasty snack, that Emma Swan.”

Regina's stomach roiled. She might not be able to feel the feelings she felt for Emma for so long anymore, but the woman still meant the world to her. And she remembered vividly just how badly she had wanted, needed, and loved Emma before this split. It should have been easier now, to not feel those things, but the only thing she felt was empty.

And now, afraid. Because she was fairly certain they needed to merge back together with their other halves. And whatever happened between the Evil Queen and Emma's counterpart was surely nothing Emma would have ever actually wanted. Even without those deep, longing feelings in her head, Regina dreaded the loss when Emma realized the truth.

“How could you?” Regina gasped, surprised to find her voice trembling with tears.

“How could you not?” The Evil Queen hissed back. “You know very well that sleazy pirate is no good for her. Can you honestly say you thought you were doing the honorable thing by never speaking up? Or were you merely a coward?”

Really, it was a difficult question to answer with so many of her emotions held just outside of her grasp. She was pretty sure though that she wouldn't have let her own fear stop her if it meant doing right by Emma. Sure, Regina loathed the one handed wonder with every fiber of her being. But that was for personal reasons– and possibly rather selfish reasons as well, she told herself. She wanted Emma to be happy, and if that's where Emma decided to find her happiness, Regina wouldn't let her own feelings interfere with that.

“How ever you managed to seduce her,” she seethed, fighting the desire to conjure a fireball she knew would be useless right now, “it was under false pretenses. I don't know what that Dark Swan’s motivations are, but I know the real Emma Swan would never have done what you convinced her to do.”

The Evil Queen’s sharp cackle raced down Regina's spine like nails scraping blackboard.

“You two really are so useless without us, aren't you?” She asked rhetorically, dramatically gasping for breath she didn't need as she laughed and then sighed. “Oh, Regina. I didn't seduce Miss Swan at all! In fact it was she who propositioned me. Not to say I wasn't most inclined to indulge her, but nonetheless it was your pretty little blonde that initiated everything. Rather eagerly, I might add.”

Regina didn't know how to respond to that. Sure, she didn't know exactly what this other version of Emma might be up to, but the idea that any side of Emma Swan might actually want her was unfathomable.

“You obviously misunderst–”

“I understand perfectly!” The Evil Queen spat, jarring Regina with her burst of anger. Not because the vitriol itself was unexpected, but it's roots she could not have predicted. “Don't you dare insinuate that I have somehow violated her. I love her. And she loves me.” Regina gaped at the open admission. “Oh, wipe that stupid look off your face like you didn't know,” the Evil Queen groaned. “Or is it that you think I am meant to believe love is weakness? Because I'm fairly certain you kept that particular attribute for yourself.”

#once upon a time #swan queen #dark swan queen #fanfic #my fic #barbie shoes #ouat #i forget how to tag did I do it right still lol

111 notes · View notes

heathers-wig · 4 years

Text

last kiss oneshot aka a sad heathers-wig making a duncney oneshot at 1AM and getting emotional over the duncney parallels because i’m THAT bitch

listen,,,,, i know. i have no shame. making duncney content in 2020? to old taylor swift songs? my pride has evaporated, so please td tumblr, have mercy.

also @ my few non-td mutuals and non-writer mutuals: do not judge me more than you already have please i’m begging.

available on ao3 here

I still remember the look on your face

Lit through the darkness at 1:58

The words that you whispered

For just us to know

You told me you loved me

So why did you go away?

A somber reflection of her own face stared back at Courtney as the brown eyed girl stared, saddened, outside one of the jet’s windows. The Jumbo-Jet had been flying for hours, to wherever the show’s next location was, and the rest of her team was fast asleep; even Cody, who was terrified of Sierra rubbing his feet at the dead of the night. Sierra herself had been worn out after hours of cutting out perfectly shaped pieces of paper of a Gwen silhouette and then destroying it — she had taken so much joy out of it, and had done it so flawlessly, that Courtney was sure it had become a routine over the few years Total Drama had been airing on TV. After today, Courtney would gladly join Sierra, if she wasn’t so busy making a list on how much of a back-stabbing, helio-phobic goth-loving liar that Gwen was.

God, Gwen; just the name made Courtney want to let out one of the most pathetic sobs that had ever been seen on television. She knew it was stupid, she honestly did, that she trusted Gwen — it wasn’t anything she said, or really anything that she did, that deemed Gwen as untrustworthy, it was more like the feeling of being unsettled that came after every time Duncan’s name would worm its way into the conversation, and the way Gwen had tensed and how the goth’s cheeks would become slightly pinker, yet her skin somehow paler; in hindsight, it was so dreadfully and painfully obvious that this would happen, and how inevitable it was that this sad, beautifully breathtaking destruction would crumble down on the fragments of happiness in Courtney’s life, but maybe that’s why Courtney and Gwen were drawn together in the first place. To prove the paparazzi wrong, or maybe because Courtney really believed that Gwen wouldn’t stoop as low and confirm the public’s suspicions. However, time had slowly gone by and Courtney learned the hard, cruel way that they were absolutely right.

Chef, who had never taken any sort of liking or pity on Courtney — except when she had sued Chris, he had begrudgingly admitted that he was impressed — had been nice (or cruel, Courtney couldn’t decide which one was more accurate,) enough to show the brunette the clip herself. Herself hugging Duncan (who she now nicknamed Dumbcan in her own mind — ugh, the jerk!) so lovingly after being separated for what felt like ages, and feeling her heart soar when he said he thought of her while he was gone —

— But that was all a lie. A lie that made Courtney feel secure in her deteriorating relationship, a lie that allowed Duncan an easy way out, a lie that filled Gwen’s stomach to the brim with fluttering butterflies. Courtney had to watch, with something that felt all too familiar to horror, as Duncan and Gwen embraced and slowly leaned towards each other, all while knowing and ignoring the brunette outside who was just so happy that she had her boyfriend back and someone she could call the closest to a best friend was still in the game with her. It was almost ironic how that ended. Almost.

Now, staring out the window, Courtney couldn’t help but wander how this could have possibly happened. Of course, she knew the actual answer; Gwen falling for Duncan after her public and awful breakup with Trent, and Duncan losing interest in her as Courtney thought more and more of their relationship as long-term versus until one of them had gotten a sudden sweep of common sense and dumped the other. Whenever Courtney had tried to construct the words in her head of what she would say to Duncan when she eventually had to actually face him, the thoughts that were so carefully balanced on the tip of her tongue would come tumbling back down to the pit of her stomach. Throwing a pity party and tantrum when breaking up with Duncan would be inevitable — she knew it, as much as she didn’t want to acknowledge it — but the feeling of dread she felt when looking back on their initial relationship was too much to bear.

It was ironic, wasn’t it, how she was the first to lean in, while Duncan had took the final lean out? And how he didn’t even have enough guts to breakup with her to begin with? Sure, it would definitely hurt, but she was almost positive that it would be nowhere near the amount of heartache she felt while watching that clip.

What killed her the most was that she could still remember the electric blue eyes of his that seemed to illuminate the darkness of night that day she rebelled, the very day she would now do anything to erase from history. The look of initial shock on his face when Courtney grabbed his face and smashed their lips together in one electrifying kiss... it was painful to remember such a time. If Courtney tried hard enough, she was sure she could hear the slight chatter of their friends behind them and the crickets around them and maybe even the humming of porch lights next to them. Possibly even pick up on the slight smell of cigarettes that followed Duncan everywhere (like his criminal record, as Courtney would snidely berate him, though those days were left to wither in the past), or unfortunately the resting puddle of vomit next to the porch.

“Enjoy a peanut butter-less life,” he had remarked, the words still ringing in Courtney’s head almost two years later.

“Thanks,” Courtney herself had quipped, leaning up against him. “Enjoy prison,”

“I will,” the juvenile smirked. It all felt like such a long time ago. Had it all meant nothing? Maybe it had been broadcasted around the world, but it was such a private and intimate moment between them that felt like it was for them and them alone — and yet he cheated? He turned around and kissed up her best friend with little to no remorse? Did it mean anything to him? She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer.

If it did, wouldn’t he had stayed? Wouldn’t he had wanted to talk things out, instead of hurting her in the worst way possible? Wouldn’t he have meant every ‘I love you,’ he said while they were still dating with no second thought? Did he even mean every ‘I love you’? Or were they just lies that tasted as sweet as honey on his tongue, that he spoon-fed to Courtney every now and then to keep her from leaving him.

She wasn’t sure what haunted her more; knowing that Duncan felt no regret for what he did or having a last kiss with no knowledge of its significance.

I do recall now

The smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement

I ran off the plane

That July ninth

The beat of your heart

It jumps through your skin

I can still feel your arms

As odd as it felt, a few weeks have gone by since her nasty breakup with Duncan. She finally got to shove Gwen (who was swelling up from her allergic reaction at a concerning rate, but Courtney had no pity left for Gwen in her heart that the goth and Duncan were responsible for breaking) off of Chris’s jet, but to her disappointment it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she hoped it would be. Sure, seeing Gwen’s falling figure struggle to open the parachute brought a smile to her face and earned a chuckle from Heather (and a maniacal laugh from Sierra), but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to personally shove Duncan off the plane herself, but she wouldn’t be as kind to him as she was with Gwen; she’d be taking the parachute right before she shoved the fatal push.

The feeling that came after Gwen’s elimination was hard to describe — of course, sheer joy immediately after, but after the cameras stopped rolling and Chris instructed them all to head to bed, panic took its place. Courtney knew she was a target from her fellow teammates — Heather probably wanted to chop all her hair off for flirting with her dear Alejandro; Courtney almost wished the two would get together and save Courtney the heartbreak she’d have to face that there was no one left for her. Duncan would of course crave Courtney’s elimination, and Alejandro and Sierra would probably agree to anything so as long as it wasn’t them, or Cody, in Sierra’s case. Just about everything seemed to be going her way, wasn’t it?

Courtney wasn’t even sure if she cared at this point. Should she? Of course, winning would be a great payment for everything she’s had to put up with on Total Drama, this season in particular, but at the same time, with Gwen officially out of the running, following her and going back home would feel even better.

Home. Courtney hadn’t been there in ages, and at this point she wasn’t sure what she considered home to be. There was the pristine mansion she was raised in by her lawyer parents, and while that place might have looked like the front of a magazine cover, it felt like an empty ghost of a home. Not a single thing was out of place — not a throw pillow or piece of silverware. Her parents were either always at work, travelling for a case, or holed up in their respective offices; there was rarely “family time”. Courtney was fine with this, though; that’s just how things were for the Castillo family.

There was Camp Wawanakwa, as evil and ironic as it was. For a few weeks, she lived with teenagers, not the reality stars they were now. When her friends from debate club sometimes dragged her to a rewatch of the first season, it was odd to see how different they were all back then, but at the same time, they really hadn’t changed at all. Though Courtney was unsure if she would ever step foot on that island ever again, it would always hold a place in her heart — good or bad? She hadn’t decided yet — for the beginning of whatever her life was now.

Her apartment was an option, as well. It wasn’t as much home as just the place she so happened to live in. No emotional attachment whatsoever; some boxes were still stacked in a spare coat closet, all neatly labeled in a thick Sharpie. It wasn’t that Courtney was disorganized or lazy, more like there was no use in unpacking all of her belongings in a temporary home. She moved out of her parents’ mansion as college crept closer and closer, and she hadn’t lived with her parents since last summer.

That summer felt alien at this point, looking at old photographs that were neatly organized on her cellphone. She remembered her family went on a month-long vacation in Europe, and Duncan had come to pick her up from the airport, much to her parents’ displeasure. The Castillos and Duncan did not get along, but tried to be civil for Courtney’s sake — they knew how much it could upset her when they were constantly at odds. Being civil was nowhere easy for either parties, but seeing Courtney’s happiness and hope that there was just maybe a hope that she and Duncan would be able to have a future together made it worth it.

However, seeing his arm around her waist with easy smiles on both of their lips made Courtney’s stomach lurch, just knowing what he would do a little more than a year later. It brought back too many memories that were painful to recall, and came all at once with no warning, much like a band-aid being harshly torn off the surface of a child’s knee.

That day it had been raining all afternoon, and there was still a slight drizzle and mist in the air when Courtney’s family had landed. Duncan was there, at the pickup area, with brunch for herself and her entire family from some local cafe — as much as he would deny it, deep down she just knew he was a sweetheart — and as soon as he could, he wrapped his arms around Courtney, which Courtney had gladly returned.

The smell of rose and cigarettes, a smell that had become the twisted combination of the aromas surrounding Courtney and Duncan, filled Courtney’s nose, and she couldn’t help but bask in how glorious it felt, to simply be embraced by Duncan. No bickering, no making out, just a simple sign of affection was all it took for Courtney to feel at peace. They were so close, she could’ve swore she could feel the faint beat of his heart underneath his t-shirt.

It was such a quick, and rather insignificant moment, of their relationship, that Courtney couldn’t figure out, for the life of her, why it stuck with her. Maybe because it was insignificant in the long run it was so cherishable to her — a quick, stolen moment of sweet nothings that was caught in the middle of the timeline of her rather messy and confusing relationship with Duncan.

Did Duncan still remember that July ninth? Probably not. Realistically, not. In fact, he was probably busy daydreaming making out with his new girlfriend in another all new spot on Gwen’s neck that made them feel something new that they never felt with Trent or Courtney. Not at all reminiscing on Courtney unwillingly falling in love with Duncan that July ninth in front of her parents, not at all remembering the imprint he left on her heart (though it did give her a sense of satisfaction that all Duncan could do was wish, as Courtney could gladly say she heard Gwen’s shrieks of terror as she plummeted towards the Earth at a rapid pace with a broken parachute).

Feeling a sudden chill in the air, Courtney runs her hands up and down her upper arms. As much as she hated him for it, she could still feel Duncan’s arms wrapping themselves around her, and she felt less colder.

She doubted Duncan remembered the smell of lingering rain on the pavement that July ninth, or the hand squeeze and smile she gave him, or her parents finally warming up to him when he remembered their favorite brunch meal.

She doubted he would even want to remember any of it.

But now I’ll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don’t know how to be something you missed

Never thought we’d have a last kiss

Never imagined we’d end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Courtney wasn’t sure what to feel; upset? Angered? Humiliated? Robbed of winning, yet again? Maybe even a little relieved? They were all emotions she had felt before on the previous times she had been eliminated from Total Drama, but considering the circumstances... Courtney decided a combination of all would be the most appropriate.

She was upset she allowed herself to cheat for Alejandro, who she was only really using to spite Duncan (not like Duncan had even batted an eye, which admittedly really stung), and she was fully aware Alejandro didn’t return her feelings, but God, she hadn’t felt any joy in what felt like ages, maybe she felt Alejandro would, what, reward her? All she got was a kiss after she freshened up, and it wasn’t even that good to begin with — too much tongue for her liking.

Duncan knew how to kiss me just right. Crossed her mind, but as soon as it surfaces, she shoves it far, far down.

And she was angry, so angry that she had allowed herself to be used and manipulated, on International TV no less! She looked like exactly what she was, and she did not like it in any way, whatsoever — weak. And with that, humiliation; being cheated on, blanked, used and then sent packing with that trashy, gossip-craving Blaineley of all people was such a huge hit to her pride, Courtney was unsure if her pride would ever be able to recover, even five years from now. God, that was pathetic, the thought of still being sensitive to her Total Drama World Tour experience as a full-on adult. Definition of embarrassing. Her ego was massively bruised, and had taken such a fall that Courtney was sure she would never allow herself to get close to anyone ever again. Was it selfish? Maybe. But a businesswoman has to do what she has to do to be successful and strong, and if that meant ghosting everyone and plunging herself into her work — so be it.

However... a small, incredibly fragile fraction of herself was so relieved. Of course, she wanted to win, to show to her ex-friend and boyfriend she was more than capable of destroying them, but she had already endured so much humiliation during that season that she felt her shoulders relax a little rather than tense up before she jumped off the plane. Though the cameras didn’t show it, Courtney found herself smiling like a lunatic — like Izzy, as she had now come to realize, not that she enjoyed acknowledging it one bit — as she dived off the jet, finally free from Chris, the cameras and most of all, Duncan.

But now that she was back at her bleak apartment, she realized that cruelly ironically enough that he was more present in her own dorm even when he was across the world, with no thought or emotion to spare in her direction. The couch reeked of him, where he had spent New Years’ Eve and where they ended up falling asleep at 4 in the morning; the coffee table underneath her bare fingers felt like him, where an engraving of D+C was proudly displayed on the corner; the fridge seemed to still have him traced all over it, where she and Duncan had a huge argument in front of before he had slipped out the words “I love you” for the first time, and even the coat racket was imprinted with Duncan, where one of his jackets still hung, firm from months of not being used. Though a part of her wanted to reach out for it and wrap it around herself for some source of comfort, Courtney knew she shouldn’t — she couldn’t. But...

It was ridiculous. A stupid, humiliating and reckless idea that would take the mere shreds left of her ego, dignity and pride and bury them six feet under. But right now, nobody would know... there was no paparazzi or roommate around to expose her, and she did feel awfully cold....

Grabbing the collar of the jacket, Courtney wrapped it around her shoulders and (shamefully, she couldn’t believe she was allowing her pride to stoop even lower than it already had) dashed in her pristine bedroom and immediately opened one of her drawers; Duncan’s drawer, which was filled with even more memories, both good and bad. To be fair, they were once all good, but now they left a sour sting on Courtney’s tongue. She tore through the drawer, before fixating on one item and pulling it out — one of Duncan’s many copies of his infamous skull t-shirt.

Without even meaning to, Courtney found herself crumbling like a piece of wet gingerbread. How pathetic are you? She mentally scolded herself, but at that moment she found herself realizing she simply didn’t care. After a lifetime of being as cold and emotionless as she could be, a boy of all things is what broke her down. After being rid of Total Drama — for now, Courtney had to remind herself — and the travel, the cameras and the clothes, and now just in her pajamas and dreadfully Duncan’s jacket, Courtney couldn’t help but unleash the full power of the sobs that had been building up in Courtney since the breakup.

How was she going to get past this? Would she always be remembered as the bitch that a criminal cheated on on TV? What about her future? Would this all affect her chances in office? How could her ego possibly come back from this? Most of all, how would she cope knowing that Duncan, the nuisance criminal she’s despised for around two or three years, was gone for good and was never, ever coming back, no matter how much Courtney craved for it?

Would Duncan even miss her? Would he ever, someday in the future, when things with Gwen were rocky? Would he remember Courtney, and think of her as something he missed? Was that even a title Courtney had the chance of claiming?

Courtney craved Duncan. She wanted his presence in her apartment, she wanted his arms around her, his lips pressed on her own; she hadn’t, didn’t and probably would never have wanted a last kiss, and knowing that they were as good as done with no chance of having another stolen kiss — it was too much. How could she have let them end like this?

“D... Duncan,” The name forces itself out of Courtney’s throat and through her lips, crumpling his shirt in her hands and bringing her knees to the ground, where she continues to sob. Tossing one more item from the drawer — the wooden skull, with D+C engraved on it, looking as new as it did years ago — she hurls it at the mirror in the corner of her room, its impact cracking the glass.

Maybe in the morning Courtney would care, but at that moment, all she wanted was to be comforted by the one person who couldn’t, wouldn’t and would never comfort her ever again. All she knew was that she would never stop craving Duncan, no matter who was by her side or made her smile and laugh and shower her with kisses — the whole time she would be wishing it was Duncan instead, sharing a kiss that would be far from their last.

I do remember

The swing in your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

Because I love your handshake

Meetin’ my father

I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets

How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something

There’s not a day that I don’t miss those rude interruptions

Courtney despised the nights that followed post-World Tour elimination; they were filled with nightmares of happier times that mocked Courtney, nightmares that were dressed like perfect, safe and welcoming dreams. Nightmares that felt like incredible dreams at first, until Courtney woke up and remembered how alone she truly was.

That night it was a random, and rather insignificant, memory of a wild party that Duncan had dragged her to. It was hosted by the cousin of a friend of Geoff’s friend, and of course Geoff and Duncan insisted that Bridgette, Courtney and DJ to come with, as much as Courtney was opposed to the idea. Duncan always made impacts, for lack of better word, on the guests, that would usually result in him adding a hundred followers to his Instagram, starting a riot and Courtney having to bail him out of jail or being kicked out by the host; it was a gamble each time.

That night, Duncan had chosen to boast in front of a group of guests on all the laws he had broken and tattoos he had gotten — just Duncan’s usual load of shit.

Courtney had rolled her eyes and sneered in disgust — just Courtney’s typical reaction to said load of shit. “God, Duncan, those tattoos are disgusting, I don’t see how you put up with them,” She had scowled. Duncan shrugged and wrapped his arm around her, leaning into Courtney, intently watching her incredibly dark and hypnotizing (at least, they were to him) eyes widen in surprise.

“You’re just no fun,” Duncan lamely insulted, poking his tongue out at her and showcasing his tongue piercing that made Courtney’s nose scrunch up.

“I am plenty of fun!” Courtney snapped.

“Really? Prove it,” Duncan challenged, jerking his head toward the dance floor. Courtney gave him a withering glare that would have turned anyone else to a mere pile of dust, before gripping his wrist and dragging her with him, determined to prove him wrong. Unbeknownst to her, he was grinning like an enamored puppy behind her.

As a slow song came on, Courtney wrapped her arms around Duncan’s neck while her wrapped his around her waist as they slowly swayed around to the beat of the song. Just as Duncan dipped her down, and Courtney felt a glamorous sensation as they both leaned toward each other and —

— suddenly, Duncan impaled a hook through Courtney (that looked all too familiar to the one he had spooked her with a long time ago) that Courtney hadn’t even noticed he had, before dropping her on the dance floor, her white dress staining with red blood like wine, as everyone else continued dancing to the romantic melody, paying no glance to Courtney.

She felt light headed while her eyelids felt like three tons, and as she fell on her knees, hunched over from the wound, she couldn’t help but notice as her eyes began to flutter shut no one spared a glance at her way; not even Duncan, who was back with his friends, showcasing the book like it was a trophy. As Courtney knew she was breathing her last breath, Duncan glanced her way and gave a crooked smirk, his eyes flashing hot with satisfaction at her pain. The ocean blue in his eyes had become a ferocious storm.

Courtney had jarred awake, hot, sweaty, emotional and desperate with the time of 2:34 staring back at her from her alarm clock. Courtney sighed with relief upon the realization it was just another nightmare about her ex-boyfriend, one that was rather cheesy anyway — what she would give to not be haunted by him as she still was. Unfortunately, as much as she hated the fact, she knew he still roamed her consciousness, subconsciousness and unconsciousness because of the fact she still loved him, even after everything, and a fraction of that love would probably live on for years to come until Courtney was on her deathbed.

With that comforting thought, Courtney groaned and turned away from her clock and towards the wall, studying the plaster like her life depended on it; anything to get her away from the angry electric blue that followed her even when her eyes were sealed shut.

It was plain annoying how she knew that she still loved Duncan, no matter how many times she was forced to re-live the brutal truth that he no longer loved her whenever she came face-to-face with a tabloid at the checkout line when she would occasionally get groceries, or search his name on the Internet to see how he was coping; maybe Courtney couldn’t face the truth, couldn’t face that maybe she was no longer in love with Duncan but instead with the memories of him that were scattered about her life.

It felt odd going to her parents’ and not having to deal with her father staring Duncan down, and for Duncan to stare right back, passive-aggressively. Not to watch both men clench each other’s hands firmly while looking at the other dead in the eye when Courtney introduced them. Now whenever she went to her parents’, all she felt was the sore reminder that in the end, the Castillos were right — Duncan was nothing but trouble and pain in the end.

It was painful going to the mall without Duncan to lean on, or his hand to clutch as they would lazily walk around the shops. Or how Courtney no longer had to unfold each of Duncan’s clothes from being inside-out in the laundry or hand a mountain of objects found in Duncan’s pockets to him before stuffing his pants in the washer. Duncan used to (or maybe he still did, Courtney would have no idea,) stuff anything and everything he possibly could into his pockets — keys, empty wrappers of gum, cigarettes or small things he’d pick pocketed, even spare change (though Courtney used to mock him for still carrying pennies around — who does that? She’d tease).

“That’s what you get for always walking with your hands in your pockets,” Courtney used to barate. “Someday, you’re going to end up washing your wallet if it isn’t for me,”

“Yeah, well, you’ll always be here, so that’s not a concern,” Duncan had winked back.

All Courtney could do now was scowl at how that had aged.

Hell, Courtney found herself missing their arguments — mostly over the small and rather unimportant things, they were ironically some of her fondest memories. Half the time their arguments would end up with the two making out after Duncan had silenced her with a kiss, and Courtney was now well-aware no one would ever interrupt her in such a way ever again.

Duncan was the only person who Courtney would allow to interrupt her, though now he wouldn’t want to even listen to her, let alone care enough to plant a kiss on her lips when she was in the middle of talking. Courtney had never wanted someone to interrupt her more than she wanted Duncan to.

And I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep

And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are

Hope it's nice where you are

( TIME JUMP: 4 Months after TDAS )

Two months after coming home, Courtney found herself slowly healing from the damage that Duncan had caused on her heart. Two more months after that, Courtney found herself genuinely able to smile after that without the desire for Duncan and Gwen to be by her side; a year after that, Total Drama All Stars has been done for four months and Courtney lived day-to-day life without thinking of either Duncan or Gwen.

Courtney had been laying low for that time; obnoxious, gossip-hungry tabloids had asked for a “statement” from her whenever Gwen or Duncan or one of her ex-contestants found themselves on a headline, but Courtney shot them down every time — her ego might have taken a huge hit from World Tour and that episode from All Stars, but she wasn’t desperate enough to willingly make an appearance and be interviewed by Celebrity Manhunt.

The questions for “statements” seemed to blur over time; do you have any words of advice for Heather, who suspects Alejandro of cheating? Have you heard Trent’s new single? Rumor has it it’s about Gwen and Duncan! Speaking of Gwen and Duncan, if they were reading this, what would you say to them?

It was an endless and rather tiring cycle of the paparazzi trying to lure a reaction out of her, which Courtney refused to give into.

However, one day as Courtney was loading her groceries on a conveyor belt at the local grocery store, a headline from a tabloid caught her eye. All Courtney read were the words Totally Dramatic, and Courtney knew she should look away — they were the same magazine that publicly called Courtney a bitch a few months ago, which she would never forget. Though she had self-control in public, she found that at 11PM on a Friday night she had little to no self-control and found herself pulling open her laptop and typing Totally Dramatic in the search bar on Safari.

Almost immediately, the faces of her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend take over her screen, with the text underneath that’s all too hard to miss — Gwuncan Engagement Rumors Confirmed!?

Courtney could feel her the pit of her stomach drop and her heart shatter as it crashed to the ground below her.

It wasn’t that she missed Duncan — she didn’t! It was just that she so good at her job of avoiding Gwen and Duncan’s names like the plague she was blissfully unaware that they had gotten back together.

She would be lying if Courtney said she hadn’t thought of reaching out to Gwen — and shamefully, it would be a lie if Courtney swore she never considered sending a drunk text to Duncan (thankfully, she never had; it was a nightmare just thinking of the embarrassment that would cause) — but always decided against it because of three reasonings; there was no way either would want to hear from her, they hated her guts and Courtney would never allow her dignity to stoop as low as it had during the third season ever again.

But now — now Courtney was sure she would never reach out. Not even a quick Congratulations! text, not a gift basket, not even show up to Gwen’s bachelorette party if she felt bold enough. Courtney was positive that she was reduced to the stalking ex, browsing through both of their Instagrams, watching them mature and fall back in love through their own photographs. It was... strange, to say the least.

What was this feeling that was erupting inside her? It wasn’t jealousy, she had gotten over Duncan months ago, but it wasn’t sadness, resentment or anger, either. It was like the feeling of realizing that, as ironically and unbelievable as it was, the two had grown up without Courtney, and all she could do was watch from a distance. Watch them slowly move on from their memories of Courtney — both bad and good — until the mention of her left both indifferent; Courtney was almost positive that being hated by the two would be less painful than knowing that at one point, they were the closest and best people in her life and now they couldn’t care less on how Courtney was.

Courtney used to watch Gwen paint and draw with such concentration that she was sure she would be held accountable for messing her art up if she just so much as breathed too loudly. The furrow between her brows would deepen and the stormy gray of her eyes would be clouded over with concentration and care, and Courtney found herself wishing that she was as passionate about something as Gwen was of her art. Sure, she had her studies in law, but Gwen’s skills — they were truly beautiful. She used to watch Gwen’s head very thrown back a little when she laughed a little too hard, and how tears would leak from the corner of her eyes from laughter so easily. Or how whenever Gwen dyed her hair again, she would unintentionally run her fingers through it all of the time, leaving Courtney wandering just how soft her hair could possibly be with her double-conditioning. But now she would witness all of Gwen’s happiness through her phone’s screen when she would look up her name on Instagram.

Courtney also used to watch Duncan do so many miscellaneous things that it would be impossible to list them all; like how his eyes would glint with joy whenever he would successfully break a law, a small shot of success and pride to keep him going. Or how, as much as he stated he hated them, always showing great amounts of concern when his friends or family were stressed and immediately began brainstorming how to make them feel better. Or how no matter how tough he pretended to be, when he slept, he just looked so peaceful that it was impossible to find yourself able to avoid falling for him. But now all she’d be seeing of him was his face plastered on a tabloid, probably with his arms around Gwen’s waist.

Maybe she was being overdramatic, but it really was ironic how at one point, she had held them both so close she could feel them breathe but now all she felt was herself slowly becoming more and more insignificant to the two of them, until she was nothing more than just a blurry memory and a face that was hard to recall among others.

Someday in the future, she could already picture herself casually asking Bridgette how Duncan was, since he was still friends with Geoff and DJ, afterall — what would she be expecting? For him to be struggling to make a living and pay rent? For Duncan to be unhappy with his life and relationship? For Gwen and Duncan to experience as much pain as they inflicted on her?

Deep down, she knew the real answer; no matter how many times they’d backstab the other, Courtney just wanted Gwen and Duncan to have the best, even if it killed her to admit it.

A small part of her couldn’t help but wonder if they felt the same about her, too.

And I hope the sun shines

And it's a beautiful day

And something reminds you

You wish you had stayed

You can plan for a change in weather and time

But I never planned on you changing your mind

Maybe one day Duncan would look back on their relationship like Courtney had been doing for months — or maybe, a small part of her hoped, he had been.

All Courtney could hope for was that someday in the future, when Courtney had found peace and Gwen and Duncan were happily moving on to whatever chapter of their lives lied ahead of them, something small would catch Duncan’s eye — a picture of her on the news, a box that reeked of memories of her, even the mere mention of her name — would send him back in time to when they were sixteen and still in love and clueless to the cruel world around them, and maybe a small part of him that he thought died when he was a teenager would blossom again with the wish that he had stayed; they would always be their own biggest what-ifs.

Courtney had planned anything and everything in her life ahead of time; one thing she hadn’t ever expected? Duncan to give up on her and leave her with a last kiss while she still craved for more. And while he had moved on, Courtney was stuck in the past, but that was okay — if he could move on, so could she, and her while that may take time, she was fully prepared to wait it out; she may have been painted as the villain of the story, but she also deserved her happily ever after.

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don’t know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss

Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last

#duncney #writing angsty and sad duncney in 2020?#couldn’t be me #total drama #td courtney #td duncan #gwuncan #td gwen #total drama world tour #total drama all stars #pls td tumblr forgive me #WHY DID I WRITE SM #song fic #song fic oneshots are my jam #please forgive me for writing all of this #enjoy angsty courtney is it obvious i love her with my entire heart

35 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time / and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''you're gonna go far kid'' by the offspring

3 notes · View notes

nellie-elizabeth · 3 years

Text

Supernatural: Inherit the Earth (15x19)

That was somehow simultaneously a crowded mess, and a complete anticlimax. I'm literally just like... super confused and afraid about what the finale is going to be now.

Cons:

Sam's the dog person. That's part of canon. I liked the moment when Dean found the dog, or whatever, but I wish Sam had gotten a moment with the puppy too, before Chuck took it away. A small thing, but one of those typical wrong details in Buckleming episodes, where it just honestly doesn't seem like they know the characters very well.

Lucifer and Michael have a fight in the Bunker and Michael takes Lucifer out really, really easily. So like. Remember when the first five seasons of the show were the buildup to the Apocalypse, and Sam sacrificed himself for an eternity in Lucifer's Cage to stop it from happening? Apparently a fight between the two archangels is just a bit of fisticuffs, nothing to get worked up about. That annoyed me. But I guess consistency has never been something this show has cared much about...

Also just... Lucifer in general, coming back for like five minutes so he can mug at the camera and then be unceremoniously killed? Here's the thing: we had Billie as Death, and she hated them but maybe it would have been interesting to see her and the boys team up to figure out Chuck's ending... but instead, she's gone, Lucifer gets a pointless return, provides us with another Death, who is there for two seconds, says a couple of vaguely funny lines, and then dies... and we still never find out what's in the book.

The fight with Chuck was so badly edited! It was so weird to see him just wail on Sam and Dean, and repeated shots of him hitting them, and them getting up, while he kept saying "okay fellas, enough, please stay down" over and over again. Given that the whole "erasing the people from the world" thing was so much like Infinity War, I kept comparing this fight with God to the climax of Endgame. In that instance, you have a small group of intrepid fighters going up against a big bad evil, and then just at the moment when they're run down and helpless, the whole crowd of friends returns and joins in the fight. Instead of that, it's just Jack showing up and absorbing God's powers, and then they leave him begging on the beach. Not a bad ending for Chuck, which I'll get to in a moment, but the epic-ness was seriously missing from this final showdown.

So, when Jack returned the world to its normal state, did he bring back all of their friends, too? I want to believe this was something that Covid took away from them, where instead of seeing shots of Charlie and her girlfriend, of Donna, Jody, the girls, Bobby, Eileen, they were forced to use stock footage of just random people around the world returning. Would have been cooler to see the epic return... and also super weird that Sam and Dean sit quietly in the bunker talking about free will, and we don't see Sam pull out his phone and call his girlfriend, like... I get not wanting to muddy the ending of the episode with a lot of fallout stuff, and I'm sure we'll get that next week? Like, I hope, anyway? But as it stood for this hour of television, it was super weird to me that the boys didn't immediately want to check on all of their friends to make sure everyone had returned from the dead.

Jack becoming the new God is actually a totally appropriate ending, people were speculating that he'd be the new God or Death or Empty, or some cosmic entity, anyway... and this honestly felt very fitting... BUT, I will say that there are two really, really stupid things about it. One, his "I'm everything and everywhere now" speech was super cheesy... "I'm in the air and the rocks and every drop of rain" or whatever. Such a cliche, I was almost painfully embarrassed listening to him. I honestly would have preferred less is more, here. Like, what if he'd said the stuff about how humans can be their best when they need to be, that was a good line... and then Sam says "what if we want to see you? Grab a beer?" And Jack just says "I'm around" and then vanishes, leaving it vague? I think the idea of a hands-off deity is perfect, of course... makes sense for the "free will wins the day" ending we've got going here, but I didn't think stating it outright was the best move.

The second reason Jack becoming God was rendered kind of comedically awful in the way it happened is... well, elephant in the room, let's talk about how Cas was handled in this episode.

Here's a quote from last week's review:

"I'm worried that Cas dying is gonna get swallowed up with everyone dying and not get its due, thus making the confession completely isolated. Like, here you go, gays, have this one scene, which, in isolation is quite heartfelt from Cas' perspective, but can be carefully boxed up and not touched for the last two hours of the show. If they don't want to touch on how this would affect Dean specifically, they don't have to. He can be generally angsty and sad about Cas, but they could get away with never bringing it up again, and that is some grade-A level bullshit right there, my friends."

And... yeah. Look, I know there are people on Tumblr right now saying that this episode being the "brothers only" ending means that next week we'll get Cas back and Dean will confess his love or whatever... but y'all, it's not going to happen. I'm sorry. I'd love to be wrong. If I'm wrong, I will gladly eat crow and celebrate along with the rest of you, but I just... I've been burned before. I know what's going on here, and it's not what you think it is.

Dean was undeniably devastated in this episode. We see him drinking to excess, falling asleep on the floor, grasping onto tiny moments of joy like with the dog and then being furious and upset when they fall through. But that devastation was not textually about Cas specifically. Sure, there were moments, like him telling God to bring everything back, and then namedropping Cas specifically. Or the way he ran up the stairs when Cas' voice was on the phone. But what I'm saying is? Those are crumbs, there for those of us who care to gobble up, easily ignored and subsumed by the larger losses the boys are suffering. Sam is devastated too, guys. About his girlfriend, about Charlie, about Donna, and Jody, etc. etc. etc. Who's to say their grief is any different from one another, even though they're handling it with different coping mechanisms? The "I love you" wasn't even on the "previously on".

Like. There's a universe where Dean does get a moment of Cas-related catharsis in the finale, even though Misha's not coming back. Maybe he has a private moment to grieve just for him, to contemplate that specific loss. But I'm telling you: I don't care if an openly gay man wrote 15x18, I don't care that Misha found it moving. The bottom line is, Cas confessing his love for Dean was the moment of catharsis the show was willing to offer us. We ain't getting much else.

So going back to Jack, why on earth does nobody suggest that maybe when he's popping the rest of the world back to the way it's supposed to be, he also brings Cas back? This is what I'm talking about with contrived sacrifices. Last week, they could have written a way for Dean to get out of that scrape without Cas dying. And this week, Jack's determination to be a "hands-off" God is not enough to explain why he wouldn't restore his father Castiel from the Empty. Especially since Chuck brought Lucifer back from the Empty, proving that God can do that. Even though that contradicts earlier lore but whatever. The point is, I'm saying it's sloppy. Cas' death, Cas staying dead, does not feel like an earned inevitability to me. I'm prepared to eat my words if they bring him back in the finale, but even if that happens (which it won't), he's not going to be smooching Dean Winchester on the mouth, y'all. He's just not.

So then that ending. "Finally free," says Dean, completely unaware that he's echoing the theme from the end of season five but making it hopeful now for some reason? And that end montage felt like an ending 100%, and I won't say it was bad to see it, see all the memories, the characters... I mean, Charlie dancing in the elevator, getting glimpses of Ellen and Jo, Bobby, Crowley... I'm not going to complain about that, it was honestly quite fun, but it also felt extremely anticlimactic and gave us no sense of where the characters are going to go from here. And yes, I know we have an episode next week, it's just...

Here's the thing I'm scared of, and I'm going to go ahead and put it here in the "cons" section because I don't know where it belongs yet. Despite my complaints about this episode, thematically there was one thing it got right: the answer to defeating Chuck wasn't destined, it wasn't in a book of preordained endings. They had to come up with it by themselves, using the tools at their disposal, and they won, and they get free will now, they get the release from having someone else tell their story. Great. So... what does that leave us next week?

As mentioned above, I really don't think the final 43 minutes is going to be an epic gay love story where Dean fights to get Cas back, I really don't. That leaves us two options: either a tepid re-tread of the themes already established, an epilogue of sorts where we just get to see a life in the day, a new normal for the boys. I wouldn't be furious about this, but I also think it won't really feel like closure for me. They just keep hunting? They keep saving people? That's fine, I guess, but they can't really walk back the fact that God is their son, can they? When they die the next time, do they go to the Empty? Who is Death, now? Are Heaven and Hell okay? Are we meant to be convinced that nothing will ever come back to bite them in the ass, they'll live long lives, and a benevolent afterlife is waiting for them when it's over? I'm not convinced I believe in things being that simple, so it sort of seems like the show would end by saying "okay, and more of the same."

The second possibility is worse, though, that being a total status-quo shift, like the end comes and the Empty is after them and they have to become the new Death and Empty as some speculated, or some wild harebrained plot twist gets thrown in at the last second and undoes the actual good parts of the theme established here. I hope for the first, but I don't know that it'll make me happy, to be quite honest. I really don't want it to feel this way, but Cas being gone is the big elephant in the room, for me. It truly is.

Pros:

I did like the earlier parts of the episode, the eeriness and the helplessness of them being alone. Continuing with the Avengers comparisons, it was very similar to the long, slow opening to Endgame, where we see a lot of grief, a lot of helplessness, an lot of directionless moping. That felt appropriate and it made it all the more invigorating when Michael showed up, giving us a spark of direction in which to move.

While I thought the fight with Chuck was edited really strangely and didn't work for me, I did like this ending for Chuck. Very much like the end of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Chuck doesn't die, which he honestly would have found a satisfying, creative ending for his story. Instead, he gets to live on as a normal human, sans powers, and be forgotten. Brutal and appropriate! It ties back into the free will thing. Chuck can do whatever he wants with his remaining time, but he can't steal other people's choices from them any longer. It's the black and the white, the good and the bad, of being just... human. Which ties in with Sam and Dean being more or less hopeful about their outlook moving forward. (God, I'm so fucking scared they're going to screw up the few things I liked about this episode in next week's finales.)

Like I said, I did find Jack becoming God an appropriate ending for him as a character. It's the right type of bittersweet: he's there, and we can imagine that in the future, he does go visit Sam and Dean for a beer. Or maybe he doesn't, and that's okay too. Knowing he's at peace, knowing he's benevolent, and that he'll do the best he can for the people of the world(s). It's nice, a comforting deity instead of a manipulative overlord. And the fact that his benevolence and kindness and compassion are born out of a human mother, and two human fathers, and an angel who embraced humanity with everything in himself... instead of from Lucifer, who tried to create him in his image? Well, that's a lovely resolution for a character that became a surprising favorite over the years.

As I think I mentioned last week, I'm willing to let this show manipulate my emotions here at the end, when it can manage to do so. So yeah, of course I loved that Cas and Jack's names are added to the table along with SW, DW, and MW. Obviously that's adorable as hell. And as I said, the montage worked for me, it was certainly quite lovely. I just... like I said at the start of this, I'm just frankly terrified of what's coming next week.

I mean, here's the thing, I want an ending that honors Sam and Dean as the protagonists of this show, but I want it where they live in the bunker, and Eileen and returned-from-the-dead-Castiel live with them as their partners. If someone told me I couldn't change a thing about what's happened so far, but I could decide how the last episode went, that's how I'd end it. Showing a network of hunters getting support and able to live more stable, reasonable lives while still doing a dangerous job. Sam embracing his intellectual prowess and running things from the bunker, Dean and Cas going out on the road, Sam and Eileen going out on the road, or any combination therein. Jack watching over them benevolently from above. Jody and Donna and the girls living their best lives. Kaia and Claire as a couple, onscreen. A glimpse of a more stable afterlife, now that Jack is there to run things, the confirmation of a peaceful ending whenever our human protagonists do finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Peace, but change, too.

I just don't believe that's what we're getting. I can't believe it, and that makes me really frightened for what comes next week. I'm prepared to be pissed off. Quite frankly, I'm expecting it.

6/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #spn 15x19 #spn

4 notes · View notes

incorrectjiiquotes · 3 years

Text

Fast Food Blues

AO3 Link: (In the replies, since Tumblr hates links)

This is the first in the line of incorrect quote fics. I hope you enjoy it!

Nesenir had suffered through thousands of ignominies in the past few months. His greatest power source was stolen right from under him. He had to deal with a petty thief as an ally. And worst of all he had to actually do physical work rather than just being a manipulator in the shadows. But this. This had to be the worst one of them all. He was working at a fast-food restaurant with one of his worst enemies as his co-worker and sole companion through the horrible journey that was working this hellish job.

The road that led him to this was a short one. He had run out of money. This occurred a long time ago, when he found out that he could easily just scare whoever he wanted into giving him whatever he wanted. But with his powers drained he could barely scare a mouse much less a well-seasoned shopkeeper. He knew he had to do something about this tragic situation when he had to wear the same outfit twice. It truly was the worst days of his life.

He stood at the cash register staring emptily at the store front. There weren’t many customers at this time, so it was just him, his thoughts, and the mindless pop music that corporate demanded they play at all times. At least he wished that was all it was. “Sure, is slow right now isn’t it?” Figment, the dragon who shouldered at least the third of the blame for Nesenir’s situation, asked him.

“It sure is” Nesenir didn’t really want to start a conversation with him right now. He couldn’t even understand why Figment was working here. There wasn’t a single good reason that Figment had to be here. First off, he knew Figment wasn’t in the same desperate money situation that he was in. Plus, Figment was only 8 months old, this had to be a violation of some child labor law. Their manager probably knew about this, but they just didn’t care.

“Did you know that the solar system has 8 planets, and 5 dwarf planets.” Figment said. “Dreamfinder told me that when he was teaching me all about astronomy.”

“That’s interesting.” Nesenir responded. He wanted Figment gone, but he didn’t know how to get rid of him. In the old days of a few months ago, he could have just grabbed Figment teleported him far away and teleported back in only a couple seconds. But now he had to think about some way to get rid of Figment that didn’t involve the use of cool powers. The mention of Dreamfinder did give him an idea though. “Does Dreamfinder and Dr. Channing know that you’re here?”

“Yeah they know I’m here. Dreamfinder said that working would give me good life experience, and Doc said that I could learn some responsibility.” Figment said.

Nesenir internally groaned. Of course, they were fine with Figment working in a fast-food restaurant. Of course, they were. Honestly, there were times where he questioned if they even knew how to care for a kid, especially a dragon kid. “Why are you working here? I just can’t understand it.”

“I was watching SpongeBob and thought that working at a fast-food restaurant would be fun! :D” Figment said.

That was the dumbest reason Nesenir had ever heard anyone say they got a job for. He thought it looked fun on SpongeBob. Of course, working at a fast-food restaurant looked fun on SpongeBob, everything looks fun on SpongeBob. They could make watching paint dry fun on SpongeBob. Also did he really just say “:D” out loud? The endless parade of inanity was continuing. “So, you don’t have to work here if you don’t want to?”

“Right you are!” Figment enthusiastically said.

“So, you choose to work here? Why not leave and go do something else with your time like paint a flower or sing a stupid song?” Nesenir asked.

“Because I want to work here. After all what could be better than serving up smiles?” Figment said.

Nesenir took in a deep breath. Joining a job because you like a cartoon is one thing, but continually quoting it is another. At least he wasn’t singing the Krusty Krab Pizza song or the theme song. This was the only situation that Nesenir would ever respond to Figment’s antics, but only because it perfectly encapsulated how he felt. “Being dead or anything else.”

Figment beamed at the fact that Nesenir had actually quoted SpongeBob. Nesenir did not want this moment to be happening. He wanted anything to save him from this horrible nightmare that he was now living. Fortunately, the bell above the entrance rang. Thank goodness a customer had arrived. He could now have at least a moment’s reprieve from Figment’s nonsense. “Good afternoon, welcome to…” Nesenir stopped in his tracks when he saw who it was. “No… no… not you”

Before him stood a black and white cat wearing a little red bowtie with a mischievous smile on his face. Of all the people that could have come while Nesenir was working, this cat was the one he wanted to see the least. “Nouilles!” Figment exclaimed. Well at least he was happy to see Nouilles.

“Why are you here, Nouilles?” Nesenir asked.

“I just wanted to see how my friend was faring at his new job. Is that so bad?” Nouilles asked.

“Awww, that’s so nice of you!” Figment said.

Nouilles was barely tolerable at the best of times, but this certainly was the worst of times. Him invading Nesenir’s work life was the greatest crime that Nouilles had committed. But what should he have expected from a being who’s entire purpose is to be annoying as he possibly could? “No, no that’s not nice of him. That’s not even why he’s here.”

“Well, then why’s he here?” Figment asked.

“He’s here to mock me.” Nesenir said.

Nouilles put his paw up to his chest. “You think that I’m here to insult you? That’s so rude. All I want to do is help.”

He really was pulling out all the stops to be annoying. And now he’s claiming to be helping. Just like him. When Nesenir asked for tips on how to pick-pocket and be a cat burglar in general he wasn’t any help. In fact, because of his lack of help Nesenir was now stuck working at this stupid job. “How in the Realms are you helping?”

“I’m just offering some moral support” Nouilles said.

“C’mon Nez don’t be so mean. He just wants to help you.” Figment said.

“No, don’t fall for his stupid innocent act. I know this cat. He acts all innocent when really he’s the most guilty person in the room.” Nesenir said. “Also don’t call me Nez.”

“It would be better if you had more faith in me…” Nouilles looked at Nesenir’s name tag, and a smirk grew on his face. If that cat was about to say what Nesenir thinks he said he had another thing coming. “Lechacim.”

That’s it. Nesenir could not handle this cat’s antics anymore. “I just remembered that it was corporate policy to not allow animals in the dining area.” He grabbed the spray bottle filled with water under the counter. “So, get out.”

He began to spray it at Nouilles. Nouilles sprinted around trying desperately to avoid the streams of water. He jumped up on a nearby table, arched his back and puffed up as much as he could “Hiss”

“Don’t hiss at me you overgrown furball. Get out of here.” Nesenir was still firing the spray bottle rapid fire. Figment practically teleported in front of the spray bottle’s stream.

“Nez! Don’t be mean to him! Let him stay.” Figment had gone to Nouilles’s side. He looked up at Nesenir and began to do the dreaded puppy dog eyes.

Even if Nesenir hated Figment’s guts he could not say no to him when he did the puppy dog eyes. In fact, there was likely no one in the universe who could say no to Figment’s puppy dog eyes. Figment had managed to successfully weaponize cuteness and Nesenir resented him for that. “Fine. I guess he can stay.” Nesenir dejectedly said.

“Yay!” Figment exclaimed. And with that Nesenir could tell that this was going to be a very very long shift.

#not a quote #mini fanfic #Nesenir #Figment #Nouilles

4 notes · View notes

paintedrecs · 4 years

Text

@mad-madam-m tagged me in the “list 5 OTPs from 5 fandoms” meme a couple days ago, which I laughed at her for because (a) she knows my otps FULL WELL (b) our lists are very nearly an exact match (which i am by the way delighted about because half my list right now is full of rare pairs, and I have never before known the hell of treading that landscape alone)

but!

I’m gonna do the meme and double it up as an announcement of what I am currently into and what you’re likely to see on this blog if I start picking up my activity levels a little.

I honestly have no idea how active tumblr is at this point - how many of you are still around, and how many of you I might lose if I start reblogging my other fandoms in addition to Sterek - but after doing a Pillowfort experiment for a while, I think I’ve finally figured out how to use social media again in a way that works better for me.

My old method, before tumblr kinda imploded and fandom got weird (filled with antis and ship hate and constant infighting, ugh why), was to create a separate blog for everything I was into, which is why I have appreciatederek, appreciateshiro, appreciatejack, and...is that it? See, this is why I need to stop scattering myself into a zillion different pieces.

So I’m going to consolidate more (like I do on twitter and now Pillowfort), and also hopefully get back to my fandom roots: digging into more meta, like I did 8 years ago when I first fell in love with Sterek, and posting fic recs, like I also did thanks to Sterek. (And sharing my own fics as I write them. Guess which fandom pushed me down that path, too.)

So it’s fitting that the first ship on this list is...well, an obvious one.

1. STEREK (Teen Wolf)

Y’all know this one. Sterek will always, always be the OTP of my heart. I love their dynamic. I love the creativity and passion of the fandom. I love that they brought my writing back to me and introduced me to so many of you.

I still have dozens of Sterek fic ideas; quite a few of them are partially written or have significant outlines, so at some point I will still be writing them. Life is just, as you know, very busy and very tiring and it’s so hard to fit everything into my days. I’m working on it, I promise.

I’d like to start doing more updates with snippets of my upcoming fics, maybe a lil Q&A if anyone wants to chat about what I’m working on/my thought process behind what I’ve already written/what you’d like to see from me, etc. Interactive fun stuff! Sterek fandom is still the best and most supportive fandom I’ve ever been a part of, and it makes me happy every time I’m reminded we’re all still around and thriving.

And here’s some of the other stuff I’m into right now...

2. XANATOWEN (Gargoyles)

I have been sailing this ship entirely by myself since January, recently joined by the aforementioned M, who also created this gif for me while she was still in the patient “I’m your friend, I will listen to you yelling about this show” stage. (ha ha ha look at her now, that’s what you get)

I’ve been genuinely holding myself back from spamming tumblr with my thoughts about this show and this ship, which I’m beginning to realize is...maybe silly. I’ll still try to keep it a little bit balanced, but you can definitely look forward to more Gargoyles on the horizon, including:

Fics - 30k so far, with another 4.6k that I’m hoping to post this afternoon, after I look over it and decide if I still like it (ha ha fic writing amirite). I also have a fairy tale AU that I’ve done a substantial outline for, so I’d really like to get that underway.

Episode recaps/meta posts - these are currently being posted over on Pillowfort. The goal is to get the last two episodes of Season 1 up there, then to start crossposting them here.

As long as it’s not a gigantic hassle to paste over all the screencaps, because I uh. I have a lot of them. And a lot of thoughts about the show as a whole, but particularly about the relationship between David Xanatos and Owen Burnett: the meta’s currently averaging from about 1.5k to 2.5k per episode, whoooops.

I love them. I love them a LOT. See my meta posts for very detailed explanations as to why.

3. TREVORCARD (Castlevania)

I honestly did not expect to get this deeply invested in this ship. I watched and liked the first two seasons of Castlevania and really enjoyed the dynamic between Trevor and Alucard, but it wasn’t until the lead-up to Season 3 (and then the devastation of how absolutely terrible that season was) that I realized how much I loved these two together.

So now I’m having a very Sterek Fandom moment of “eff you canon, they’re ours now” in regards to Trevorcard.

I’ve written one fic for them - it’s a 20k coffee shop/modern/college/artist/musician AU because they deserve all the fandom tropes and so much happiness together..

I don’t currently have plans to write any more, although if I do, it’ll likely be some sort of neighbors AU with wolf!Alucard, since my vast experience with Sterek fandom has taught me the absolute joys of exploring characters who can canonically turn into a beautiful giant effing wolf.

I’ve also been steadily reading my way through every single Trevorcard fic in the AO3 tag, which unfortunately is only ~200. (HOW is this a rare pair. I will never ever understand it, they’re perfect together, and the animators literally said they intentionally storyboarded moments like the one above with the knowledge that people would start shipping them.)

Once I’ve finished up my AO3 tour, I’m going to compile the ones I enjoyed into rec lists. There are some really wonderful fics in there, and I’m excited to see what the rest are like.

4. TAIBANI (Tiger & Bunny)

I really don’t talk about this ship much, but it’s so immensely close to my heart. I have...so much...official merch of Kotetsu and Barnaby; it makes me happy every single time I see it. If I used my Tiger & Bunny stuff as the standard for what sparks joy during a konmari, the rest of my apartment would probably wind up empty.

The show (which is finally getting a second season in 2022 - Kotetsu & Barnaby had better be getting married) is wonderful. I genuinely can’t recommend it enough. Great writing, wonderful character development, beautiful animation, and Kotetsu and Barnaby are absolutely perfect together. Here’s an old post where I talk about that a little bit.

I’ve only written one fic so far: a canon compliant established relationship future fic that focuses more on their family dynamic as Kotetsu’s daughter adapts to turning 18, becoming a hero, and living with her frustratingly affectionate dad & his new husband.

I have ideas for two AUs: a single dad mature student/young professor one and a sorta weird circus/steve irwin-inspired one. We’ll...we’ll see if I ever get around to either. What I end up writing always surprises me, so I sorta give up on planning what words will come out.

And oh wait! I totally forgot about the third idea, which will be roughly canon compliant, with “Kotetsu sets Barnaby up on a series of blind dates that Barnaby initially thinks will be with HIM” angsty/funny fic. Hrm. I should get back to that one, I’ve outlined part of it.

I haven’t actually read a ton of fic for this pairing, because the more I like canon material, the less I seek out fandom content to “fix” it, but I would like to start going through the AO3 tag after I finish my Trevorcard project. I did an initial rec list ages ago and would like to follow up with another.

5. SHEITH (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Here’s the last pairing I write fics for. I have several more in progress that I’d really like to finish - including a dragon AU that I wish someone else would just finish for me so I can read it, hahhhhhhh sigh. I wrote 15k, did a ton of research, and basically intimidated myself out of continuing, because it’s one of my Big Projects. Not gonna be like, PDIW length or anything, but it should be a pretty hefty fic once it’s done.

Then there’s the roommates AU, the burrito shop AU, the....wow. I really need to get back to these, don’t I. A couple of them are super close to being finished, too.

I’ve also compiled a few fic rec lists, although I haven’t updated those (or my Sheith blog) in a while.

This fandom has been...interesting. Rough sometimes. Sliding into some of the other pairings on this list has provided a good break for me, particularly since they’re all such small fandoms that they’re relatively free from drama and hate. Once I’m fully refreshed and re-inspired, I’d love to get back into writing Sheith. They’re such a perfect, feel-good, extraordinarily balanced and supportive ship, and I am disappointed every single day I remember that Voltron didn’t stick the landing with making them canon.

Look at that almost-kiss. Just...look at it. And tell me they aren’t in love.

#gargoyles #sterek #trevorcard #taibani #tiger and bunny #xanatowen #sheith #meme #about me #about my fics

21 notes · View notes

panharmonium · 4 years

Text

just some thinky thoughts about fandom platforms and community that i didn’t know what to do with, so i wrote them down.

[tl;dr - tumblr is weird, pan misses (certain aspects of) Ye Olde Days]

tumblr is such a weird platform.

like. i love my blog as a personal repository of stuff i enjoy, and i’m definitely thrilled to have met the people i’ve met on here - some of them have even become my friends outside the internet, and that’s been absolutely lovely. but in terms of actual functionality when it comes to trying to engage in a fandom...it’s still weird.

i know people will probably get tired of all the “BACK IN MY DAY” fandom analysis posts that float around on this website, but even having been here for years now, it is still really hard for me to adjust to a place that makes it so impossible to find any kind of actual fandom community spaces.

for me, i didn’t even start using tumblr until i was in my mid-twenties, and that was only because tumblr was where most people from LJ had migrated. i’d been Doing Fandom for over a decade prior to that, on other platforms (fandom specific sites/archives and then LJ), so i ended up here kind of out of necessity - the great fandom migration was already mostly complete, by the time i moved.

so i got here, and i got settled, but fandom on tumblr has been so different from fandom as i experienced it anywhere else, and that’s not the fault of any of its users; it’s just an inevitable function of the way this site is structured.

it is SO HARD for us to connect with people on here!

just, as an example from my own more recent life - i’ve been doing a lot of merlin stuff lately, right? that’s where my head is at and that’s what i’m having the most fun with and i would love to be more interactive with people about it, like - to have folks to geek out with about it, you know, to do the things that fandom is for - and if i were on, say, livejournal, back in the day, i would know where to go to do those things. there would be specific spaces built for just that purpose. LJ comms were places where everybody who was interested in a particular thing could go for the express purpose of posting and discussing and interacting about that thing! people still maintained their own personal blogs, but they also belonged to whichever LJ communities reflected their interests. LJ comms and fandom-specific sites were fandom hubs - it was so easy to find what you were looking for.

this functionality doesn’t exist in any meaningful way on tumblr. big, moderated groups/communities aren’t a thing tumblr truly supports. there’s no way for me to go join the “merlin” comm and just be in community with a large group of people who just wanna talk about merlin. the limited “group blog” functionality on tumblr is so non-conducive to actual usage that community spaces like those just don’t really exist, not like Back In The Day.

fandom on tumblr is so very decentralized. the way things are set up here forces all of us to just make posts on our individual blogs, which then might get picked up and put on other people’s individual blogs, maybe. you can’t like...make something (X) Fandom related and drop it in the (X) Fandom LJ Comm like “hey look, something fun to talk about!” you could put it in “The Tag,” but anyone who’s been here for any length of time knows how useful doing that actually is. and you could post it on your individual blog, but it won’t necessarily reach anybody who might want to geek out with you, not if you’re not already followed by someone in that fandom.

and the only other option is to invite yourself onto someone else’s individual blog, which is a) inefficient, when you’re looking for wider community, and b) not something a Painfully Reserved Person is wont to do.

the analogy that works best for me is this: pre-tumblr, fandom hangouts were community spaces. they were cafés with a sign hanging out front saying “star wars here!” or “kanan/hera here!” or “X here!” if you wanted to geek out about a particular thing, you would go to the café and meet a bunch of other people there.

nowadays, if you want to geek out about a particular thing, you have to barge into a stranger’s house. and not everyone is comfortable with that.

the lack of real, threaded comments is also just...i don’t know how to express how detrimental this is to communication and community. i mean, i understand that tumblr’s entire “reblog” system doesn’t really allow it to be a thing, but tumblr’s entire mechanic as a fandom platform has to be questioned, in that case.

how impossible is it to have a conversation on here, the way tumblr is set up right now? i mean - let’s say you make a post, right? one person reblogs it and adds their own text to it; another person reblogs the original version, but says something different in the tags. a third person doesn’t reblog it at all, but hits “reply” on your original post. a fourth person “replies” also, but to the second person’s reblog, in response to the additional content.

NONE OF YOU ARE HAVING THE SAME CONVERSATION. none of you are even aware that the other conversations are happening. the idea of trying to build an actual cohesive fandom community like that is just...impossible. it can’t happen.

when i reblog posts on tumblr, i feel like i’m a dragon collecting a little hoard of shiny things she likes, only i never actually see another person, because i live in a cave.

everybody here lives in a cave.

and like...this is just philosophical, i guess, but. tumblr’s focus on “follower count” and notes is also a thing i don’t really know how to handle.

having people “follow” me makes me feel weird. seeing that people are “following” this blog exerts a bizarre external pressure, as if my little house here could ever be for anybody who isn’t me. it prompts a tiny 'but should you?’ in the back of my head when i post about something that isn’t what all those people came here for, which is ridiculous, because this was never supposed to be a blog for any fandom in particular; it was just a blog for me. i was the only one here when i started, and i literally never did anything to try and get people to come here and join me. it happened accidentally, because bigger blogs than me picked up some star wars stuff i made and passed it around.

but of course, on tumblr, making connections gets conflated with follower/note count, and understandably so, because besides having a higher follower count (aka wider distribution), how are people ever going to reach the other people who are into the same thing they are?

for instance. let’s say you’re brand new to tumblr. you want to get involved in X fandom. there’s no community space here where a new blog with no followers can go and share their stuff with the right audience and meet all the other people who are also sharing their own work. unless you start messaging strangers, your tumblr time is pretty isolated.

whereas - i remember on lj comms, back when people would post as a newcomer, it would be like, ‘hey i’m so-and-so and i love xyz and here’s a picture i drew of x character!!!!’ - and people would actually respond to that. people responded to everything! like. tiny 400 word fics would have 30 comments, and all those people were talking with each other, not past each other, on the same page.

just for fun, while i was typing this up, i went through a month’s worth of posts on an old lj comm i used to frequent. not a single one of those posts was comment-less. every single post, even the tiniest, most insignificant one-line musing, had some amount of discussion attached to it.

whereas now - i don’t know if this is just confined to tumblr, or if it’s a general cultural shift, because even on AO3, i sometimes see people who have written massive sprawling epics and the comment field is just a desert. i once saw the exact same fic posted on ff.net, where it had 20 comments - and then on AO3, where it had zero.

and like, say what you will about ff.net (there’s...plenty to be said, certainly XD ) but commenting patterns were observably different there. and that’s all part and parcel of a bigger discussion, which isn’t really within the scope of these notes, except to say that it’s probably the source of my forever grudge match with AO3′s kudos button, which i realize is an absurdly silly thing to say and i’m smiling at myself even as i type this, but - i gotta be honest - i hate that thing! i can’t stand it! XD

i say that in the most good-natured way possible, obviously; this is fandom, after all, and it’s all for fun, and i love AO3 in every other way, so this is more a minor annoyance which makes me laugh at myself than anything else - but i say again - in the most fun-loving, self-deprecating way possible - that little button is my archnemesis. XD

i totally get why other people love it! it’s a completely reasonable way to feel! but for me, personally, coming out of an environment where the reward at the end of making something was getting to gush with somebody else, make a connection, talk about the thing that gave us So Many FEELS - the kudos button is so. sterile. and. empty. it doesn’t fulfill my urge to connect with people or share fannish enthusiasm in any way. i’d almost rather not even see kudos on my account, honestly, because it makes me feel more disappointed than anything else - like, “oh, man. look at all these missed fandom conversations we could have had.”

and obviously, this is in no way meant as disparaging to people who use the kudos button liberally. it is ALWAYS lovely to show appreciation for someone who wrote something you liked, however which way you are able, if and only if you are so inclined. nobody is obligated to leave feedback - lurkers are a perfectly accepted and long-celebrated fandom tradition; i belonged to that tradition myself, for most of my fandom life - so showing appreciation in any form is already going above and beyond. nobody needs to be harangued with “YOU SHOULD’VE COMMENTED” or “YOU SHOULD’VE REBLOGGED” - none of that stuff is required to participate in fandom; nobody owes comments or reblogs, and creators have to be okay with that. we can discuss and/or lament the structural factors that encourage or discourage participation, by all means, but ultimately we have to recognize that nobody is actually required to respond to things we make. it’s fandom. we’re all here by choice, and people’s participation levels are their own business.

and anyway, i know that lots of authors actually love getting kudos on their work, so my experience isn’t universal, by any means. it’s just a function of my own personal background, and the communities i used to run in - i speak for no one but myself and my own fannish life.

and besides, the entire debate about kudos/comments and like/reblog disparities doesn’t come anywhere near the underlying issues. it’s sometimes framed as “people not participating in fandom appropriately” (and that’s completely unfair; there’s no wrong way to do fandom when you’re not hurting anybody) as opposed to “what is it about our platforms that encourages or discourages participatory fan culture.” like - the only reason we even need to talk about the importance of reblogs vs. likes is because tumblr makes it so darn hard for a person’s stuff to be seen by the “right” people! reblogs are the only way for someone’s work to spread, and even then it’s kind of like throwing a handful of darts at a board and praying one of them will land in a well-connected spot. if a platform like tumblr were set up differently, we wouldn’t even need to have this conversation - there would be places to post your work where people would be specifically looking for content like what you were making. you could make those fannish connections more easily.

*** important to note, too - it’s always worthwhile to remember when reading these “back in the old days” nostalgia posts that pre-tumblr spaces had drawbacks of their own. livejournal was not some fannish utopia, by any means. there were, however, a few structural things from that era that i think were helpful influences on fan culture, and their absence here makes me miss them.

but anyways. those are just some thoughts. and now i’m going back to my regularly scheduled posting, because i DO enjoy this place, even if the platform can be somewhat lacking sometimes - we still have to find a way to have fun, right? that’s the entire point of being in fandom in the first place.

#i've always felt like tumblr was sort of a bizarre place for Fandom Central to have landed anyway #though i do think it's been amazing for graphics editors; gifset-makers especially #i do wonder where we'll end up next #whenever the next big migration hits #anyway back to regularly scheduled posting!#i've got episodes to get through #gotta keep up my momentum so i can GET TO THE END #:D #fandom

10 notes · View notes

cupcakemolotov · 4 years

Note

2/? because otherwise how would she use the baby and Nevada as bargaining chips if Catalina can call her bluff. However I also want to acknowledge that if it came down to it- she would totes sacrifice Nevada and the baby in the pursuit of her other goals. There's a hierarchy to her love, and the House comes first. I think once Catalina spins a web over Victoria (which imo is exactly what Victoria expects her to do), she'll be infuriated but so so proud. She wants House Baylor to thrive.

I think tumblr ate your first ask! :(

Also, I got super wordy in my responses, so I am putting them under a cut and responding in more than one page because... wordy.

I think Grandma Tremaine is honestly SUCH a fascinating character and one I greatly, greatly enjoy. And I think that the Nevada vs Tremaine bit is so very interesting. In her own twisted way, she truly loved her son. She just valued his survival over his comfort, and it made him run. And you are right, she was so, so proud of him for it. Victoria lived a very hard life with lots of suffering and is sort of crazy. I think she is doing what she believes needs to be done to ensure the Baylor family survives, as they are her legacy.

However, I think the deal with Nevada is a lot more complicated and yet a lot simpler than we see on the surface. Without actually seeing your first ask, while I DO think the house comes first from Tremaine, it is very clear that we are seeing different sides of Victoria from both Catalina and Nevada’s perspective. Nevada was under the impression that Victoria wouldn’t hurt her (wrong or right) and Catalina lives in fear that her grandmother would hurt Nevada, but I don’t think its that simple. In terms of Nevada being head of house, she married into House Rogan. We can see how that is an issue, but it wasn’t something that would occur to the Baylor's to be an issue because they are so new. I think the test that she put Nevada through was two fold: either Nevada went back to House Baylor and was the head of house, or Nevada would pick Rogan and would not be head of house. One of those two options I believe were always her end goal, and this was also a test for Rogan. How much do you love my granddaughter? You cannot tell me she doesn’t know that Rogan offered the divorce papers. She put an insane amount of pressure on that marriage and she did it deliberately, but Catalina isn’t, I believe, 100 percent correct on the idea that since Nevada picked Rogan, Tremaine wont forgive her for it (though I do believe that is the impression Tremaine wants Catalina to have).

Victoria is a master manipulator, and she arranged things to get exactly what she wanted. And when Nevada made her moves to separate Baylor from Rogan, it gave Victoria the next best option. It put Catalina in charge of Baylor, gave her someone who was not compromised in any way to person ties outside of the house. I think for Tremaine, if the family is going to refuse to join her house as is good and proper, then she is going to guarantee her grandchildren’s survival at any cost, and her love is a hard one. Now, that doesn’t mean that she won’t be a problem later or that she won’t put her family into terrible positions, she will, but in her mind it is I think, always going to be for the great good of House Baylor. (She has already told the mysterious Caesar that she will not help in now that she has her family back once, and I think that speaks to very interesting things, does it?)

As for the baby, I actually don’t think she would sacrifice either Nevada or the baby. I think they could very much become her pawns if she could make them, and they are going to be leverage she can use against Catalina for sure. But without reading the Arabella story, looking at how Tremaine responded to the baby? That is her blood. It is not so easily expendable. Nothing matters more to Tremaine than blood, though we see that mostly expressed in how she deals with Baylor as a House. But Victoria will never show her weak points to anyone, particularly to the granddaughter she needs to fear her so she can learn to survive as the Prime and Head of House Baylor.

Also! I actually got to join the virtual tour yesterday that Illona Andrews and Nalini Singh were doing, and they mentioned that Catalina is most like her grandmother and that in 50 years or so, she could be Victoria. And that it would the choices made that separate her and I find that also interesting because the thing that sent Victoria way off the deep end was the death of her finace and the fact that she had no other family (that we know of). So Catalina is already in a better place, but still.

3/? Victoria knew about the Sagredos financial situation but I don't think she knew about Alessandro's excision. Not yet anyway. She'll be so happy, Catalina gets her pauper prince and will follow on her deal. Everyone wins. Except for Grandpa Sagredo. I think as an engagement present she'll offer up ammunition that nips any problems from that contingent in the bud.

I think we haven’t seen the last of Victoria’s opinion on Alessandro yet, but it IS interesting to see what happens here. I would actually be surprised if Victoria doesn’t know all of the exact details that are happening in the Sagredo family. Victoria is no fool, and going back to the fact that Catalina is just like her, Victoria is very understanding of just how much Catalina could love someone. Victoria herself only ever loved on person (and I find Linus’ comments when Catalina is telling him why she likes Alessandro in the first book very interesting. Its like he has heard those exact words from someone else...) The thing is, telling Catalina she couldn’t marry someone who wasn’t willing to join the Baylor Family had less to do with Alessandro and more to do with Catalina. Victoria needed Catalina to take responsibility for her family, to be willing to make the sacrifices to be head of house, and Alessandro became the hammer that she used for that. Does she want Catalina to be happy? Who knows. But she most definitely wants Catalina to survive.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Tremaine doesn’t test Alessandro is someway if she hasn’t already. Because if he wants to marry her grandchild, he damn well better be loyal.

#emerald blaze #spoilers #ALL THE SPOILERS

1 note · View note

twdeadfanfic · 5 years

Text

It’s a dog’s life Pt.2

*Summary: The reader is new and alone at the quarry’s camp, the only one she has is her dog, who seems to be best friends with Daryl Dixon, a not so friendly man, but that friendship will bring the reader closer to Daryl, finding that there’s more to Daryl than what you can see at first glance…besides, he’s pretty hot at first glance, isn’t him?

*Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

*Tags/Warnings: Slow burn, violence and language twd style, both reader and Daryl’s pov. Follows the events of season 1 and 2.

Chapters: 2/14

Last chapter, Daryl asked to the reader if she wanted to go on a hunting trip with him and the dog...there we go!

*Link to my masterlist with my other works can be found on the description of this blog. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but tumblr doesn’t show posts with links in the tags.

-----------

A couple of days after Daryl asked you, you joined him on his hunting trip.

You had left the camp early, after having breakfast with Shane and Glenn who were planning a trip to Atlanta for that day or the next. It was the first time Glenn was allowing some of the others to go with him in hopes that together they could find and bring back a bigger haul. Maybe you could join them for the next trip, but for now you were content enough with joining Daryl.

You followed him in silence for hours, Cole running excitedly behind him. You didn’t know where you were going, Daryl walked like he had a map in his head, and you didn’t bother to ask. Sometimes he stopped to look around like he was tracking something and then he would keep walking.

Daryl didn’t say a single word to you, you could think that he had even forgotten about you if it weren’t because when he seemed to notice you were getting behind, he would slow his pace until you caught up. He didn’t say anything about it, and neither did you. Cole ignored you more than what you would have liked, seeming overexcited about the trip.

Honestly, you were enjoying it too. You always liked to hike through the woods, and you had spent quite a bit of time in them. Not as much as Daryl, apparently, neither were you an expert like he seemed to be. But you enjoyed being out there nonetheless and you tried to pay attention to the way in which Daryl moved, especially when he seemed to track something, hoping to learn a thing or two, though you weren’t having much success.

You supposed you ought to be scared, but you weren’t. You hadn’t seen any walker around yet and anyway you trusted Daryl. He was skillful at noticing them and putting them down, and he always came back safe and sound from his trips, always keeping your dog safe too. You couldn’t help but feel he’d keep all of you safe.

“Shouldn’t we be hunting?” You asked after hours of walking without Daryl shooting anything. You were starting to get tired and bored of walking non-stop, even though you were used to walking.

“Not yet, I want to go further than usual. Told you.” Daryl answered without stopping or looking at you.

“Okay…” You looked around at the maze of trees. “How do you know where you are going and how to come back and all that?” You were starting to get bored at the lack of conversation.

“I just do.” Daryl didn’t seem that talkative, though.

“I mean…I could usually get oriented with my compass and all that, with the sun too a little…but this…right now I don’t know where I am, all trees look the same.” You admitted.

“Said you can get oriented with the sun? Then it’s easy.” Daryl finally stopped though he didn’t quite look at you. “Camp is there, that’s where we have to go to come back.” He pointed to what you thought was the south. “That’s the area where I’ve gone most times.” He pointed to the north. “And there’s where I found the deer, I want to go further than what I did that day.” He pointed to the west and began walking in that direction again.

“Alright…” You were glad he had stopped to teach you something, though you weren’t sure you’d be quite able to go back to the camp by yourself. It’d be easier now that you could get oriented a bit better, though. “Can you get oriented with the stars?”

“Not much.” He answered without looking at you.

“I can, a little bit, my mom taught me. I could teach you what I know if you want…” You were expecting him to snap or tell you to shut up, but he didn’t, he just nodded.

Daryl didn’t stop again until a couple of hours later.

“This is where I found the deer, more or less…” He said more to himself than to you. “We could set camp in that clear.”

“Okay.”

You began walking towards the clear Daryl had pointed, him right behind you, looking around. Once there, you flopped down onto the ground.

“What you doing?” Daryl frowned at you.

“You said we’re gonna set camp here.” You replied, stretching your legs.

“Get off your ass, there’s still a few sun hours left.” He grumbled.

“Alright…” You let out a tired sigh.

Daryl looked at you for a second, chewing on his lip, before averting his eyes again.

“Stay here, I’m going to hunt us dinner.” He said.

“No, no, I’ll go with you.”

Daryl had taken you hunting with him, you didn’t want to look lazy, and you didn’t want him having to go alone when you were there. Neither did you want to stay alone in the woods, no matter Daryl was around and you hadn’t seen any walker.

“Okay, come on.”

You followed him in silence as he walked, tracking and looking around as if in deep thought.

“We’ll follow that direction tomorrow.” He murmured and you nodded though you didn’t know if he was talking to you or not…maybe he was talking to Cole.

“You don’t need to hunt us dinner, we have that can of beans.” You said quietly.

“We better save the cans for when we don’t have nothing else…hush.”

There was a sound up in a tree and you looked up to find a squirrel sniffing the air on a tree branch. Before it could know what was happening, Daryl had already shot it. You wondered if he ever missed.

Back at the clear, you worked on getting a small fire going while Daryl skinned the squirrel and got it ready. By the time you were dining on roasted squirrel, the sun was starting to go down, and you admired the sunset, beautiful even after the world had gone to hell.

Daryl was silent the whole time, although you caught him looking at you through the corner of his eye from time to time.

“What?” You asked, curious.

“Nothing.” He looked away and you could swear he was blushing.

“Come on!” You nudged his foot with yours and he moved his foot away. “Just tell me.”

“You told me you worked in the woods…” Daryl eventually said, when you thought he wouldn’t. “Was it true?”

“Well…kind of…I mean…”

“So it wasn’t?” Daryl cut you off.

“It’s not that.” You said, defensively. You wanted to come clean with him but you didn’t know how to do it without seeming like you had been lying and trying to impress him. “It’s…I worked in the woods, sometimes, but not as you’re expecting it, probably…”

Daryl raised his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to explain it.

“Alright…I lived with my parents in a village, it’s not that far from here actually, in a big country house that my parents also used as a bed & breakfast. They’d organize all kind of “adventure” activities for our guests, like we’d take them for trips to the nearby forest, hiking and all that, camp for a night if they wanted, take them to the river for fishing, canoeing or whatever…that kind of stuff…”

Daryl hummed, he wasn’t saying anything but he seemed interested in what you were saying, so you kept going.

“I joined them whenever I could since I was little, and once I finished high school I officially joined the business, and at some point, it was me who did the outdoor activities while my parents worked at home. So, that is.”

“So you did spend a lot of time in the woods,” Daryl said when you were finished. “Doing weird shit to entertain people, but whatever.” That made you snort, and you nudged him with your shoulder.

“I guess…I don’t really know how to survive or anything, I don’t know half the stuff my parents did, they were the experts. I just took people through the same paths always, camped in the same places, showed them the same stuff…”

“What did you show them?”

“Nothing special…just the animals we crossed paths with, like different birds and all that. The different trees and plants, and all that, like what kind of mushrooms and berries they could eat, which plants can be medicinal, stuff that my mother taught me. I just know the most basic, not even half of what my mom knew.”

“When you go to the woods near the camp you always come back with berries and mushrooms, Amy said you taught her which ones she could pick,” Daryl said, surprising you. “And you’re always picking up plants, you were doing it today as you walked too.” Another surprise, you didn’t know Daryl had noticed it or paid attention.

“Yeah well…I bet you know all about that too.” After all, Daryl seemed to spend more time in the woods than out.

“Not really.” He shrugged. “I mean, that one time I got lost in the woods for days as a kid I knew which berries wouldn’t kill me to eat but I wiped my ass with poison oak so…”

You bursted laughing at that, you couldn’t help it, and you grinned when you heard Daryl chucking too.

“You getting lost in the woods? Nah, I can’t believe it.”

“I was little, but I found my way back home and I never got lost again.” Daryl shrugged.

“Little you found the way back home all alone? Yeah, that does sound like you.” You grinned again. “I can see you with your little crossbow and what not.” You teased and Daryl scoffed, blushing, though the corner of his mouth lifted in a tiny smile.

“Didn’t have a crossbow yet, wasn’t good at hunting either. Took me nine days to find my way back and I was so hungry once home I made the biggest sandwich I’ve ever eaten.”

“You were out there for nine days?!” Truly Daryl had been a survivor since he was little. “None went looking for you?”

“Merle was in juvie. Dad wasn’t around, he was off with a waitress I think, he never knew I was gone, don’t think he’d have cared.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. Neither Merle nor Daryl had ever talked about their family, and you were saddened by what you were hearing. It seemed little Daryl hadn’t really had someone taking care of him, and it hurt you more than what you had expected.

“When he came back home and found I’d emptied the fridge to make that sandwich he wasn’t happy, though…” Daryl said quietly.

“Well, your father sounds like an ass.” You said, unable to stop yourself.

“Yeah, yeah he was.”

You didn’t want Daryl to keep thinking about that, sure it wasn’t bringing him good memories, and so you thought about something to say.

“I could teach you the plants I know.” You tried. “So you don’t end up wiping your ass with poison oak again.”

“I know what poison oak looks like,” Daryl replied, nudging your foot with his and rolling his eyes.

“I’m still waiting for you to teach me to shoot your crossbow…”

You had tried it a couple times more, but it was still difficult for you to hit your target. Although Daryl had, reluctantly, let you try, he hadn’t taught you anything and you thought you’d learn faster if he did.

“Can you really shoot a bow?” Daryl asked. “Cos you’re shit with the crossbow.”

“Shut up!”

Daryl was smiling softly, though, so you knew he was just joking. Still, it was true you weren’t exactly good with the crossbow.

“I’ll let you know that I’m quite good with a bow. My father taught me, I’ve been shooting bows since I was a little girl. Never hunting or anything like that, just for fun, sometimes we taught our guests as another activity.” You explained. “My dad liked to handmade custom bows and arrows…He made me my own bow when I was sixteen. I wish I had it with me.” You let out a sad sigh but tried not to let the memories get you down, burying them deep inside you again. “You make your own arrows too, right?”

Daryl nodded.

“Dad taught me, though I didn’t like to make arrows that much, it was too much work. Not sure if the ones we made for bows could work in a crossbow, though. We could try.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you work in the woods too?” You asked. “Or it was just a hobby?”

“You should sleep, got to wake up early tomorrow,” Daryl said instead of answering your questions.

You were surprised by his sudden change of topic, but you decided not to push it. You shifted until you were down on your back over the blanket that you had spread and you looked up at the stars.

“That’s the north star.” You said, pointing at the bright star. “You know that one, right.”

Daryl hummed a yes and you began telling him what your mother had told you about the stars, how to navigate with them, track the past of time, even some stories here and there.

“That’s ridiculous,” Daryl said as you told him about the hunter Orion, though that constellation wasn’t visible. “You bury the hide of a bull and you pee on it and then a kid grows like a potato?”

“Yeah, I know.” You chuckled. “Gods do stuff like that sometimes I guess. Anyway, I don’t like Orion that much, he was always boasting about what a good hunter he was, said he’d hunt every single wild animal, the ass, as if animals hadn’t the right to live here too.”

“You seemed quite upset with a potato kid that never existed.”

“Can’t help it.” You shrugged, smiling. “Goddess Artemis wasn’t having that though, so she sent Scorpio to kill Orion, Orion couldn’t escape and that was the death of the potato hunter.”

“A scorpion killed him? Then he wasn’t that good of a hunter.”

“Mind you, it was a damn giant scorpion. Look,” You pointed at Scorpio. “He’s still there, chasing after Orion forever.”

You were enjoying this, telling Daryl everything you knew about the stars, telling him stories. You turned your head to look at him and smiled. He was sitting down, head tilted back as he looked up at the stars, frown on his face.

“Doesn’t look like a scorpion to me…” He muttered.

“Yeah, neither to me.” You chuckled and Daryl looked at you with a small smile on his face. “Can’t see any form in the stars, actually, but it’s fun anyway.”

You stiffed a yawn, you were tired after spending all day walking and you were beginning to feel sleepy, your eyelids getting heavy. Daryl noticed.

“Sleep.” He told you. “I’ll keep watch.”

“Alright.” You were dead tired. “Wake me up so you can sleep too, okay?”

The weather was summery good but you covered yourself with a thin blanket as you curled up onto your side. Your dog had fallen asleep long ago, bored at your conversation about stars, and you smiled looking at him growling softly from time to time as if dreaming.

Your smile widened when you looked at Daryl. This was the longest you had spent with him and you were enjoying it so much, you could just hope he’d want to take you hunting with him more times.

It was the longest you had talked to him too, and although it’d been you doing most of the talking, you were happily surprised Daryl had gotten to share with you some things about his past. You found yourself wanting to know him more.

You still didn’t know if you were friends or not, but you wanted to. Daryl could be surly and harsh with words sometimes, but you appreciated his company nonetheless and liked to talk to him, especially when he decided to speak too, day by day you were surer he was a really good guy.

When he wasn’t with his brother, then he was alone, and you felt drawn to him somehow. Maybe it was because he had found you and taken you to the camp, maybe it was because he had taken a liking on your dog, or maybe just because you thought you both were lonely, but you liked to be with him.

You hadn’t really developed friendships with the people at the camp. You talked with everybody, well, besides Ed, and you didn’t talk that much with Merle if you could help it either, but besides those two, you liked the people you now lived with, you had fun with them and appreciated them, but you wouldn’t really say you were friends yet.

It wasn’t like you were shy or anything like that, you had always found it easy to get along with people, to talk with them, but you were used to people coming and going out of your life without staying for too long, and so you had never developed a deep friendship with anyone, you had never relied on any friend, besides your dog.

It seems it was the same now with these people, it was easy for you to get along with them, have fun, help them, talk to them, but you knew you weren’t a priority for anyone, which you didn’t mind that much anyway. Most of them were families or had someone to rely on already, and you felt out of place. Not with Daryl, though.

Still smiling, you closed your eyes and fell asleep, sure that you had nothing to worry about in that wood with Daryl next to you.

When you woke up, you knew by the position of the stars that several hours had passed and Daryl hadn’t woken you up.

“Hey,” you rubbed your eyes as you sat up. “Told you to wake me up.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, come on, you can still get some sleep before the sunrise.” You insisted but Daryl shook his head. “You need sleep too, I’ll even let you snuggle with Cole.” Your dog opened a sleepy eye at the mention of his name.

“I don’t snuggle with none,” Daryl grumbled.

“Sure, okay.” You chuckled quietly. “Come on, we can be arguing about it for the rest of the night instead of sleeping or you can get a bit of sleep.”

“Fine…”

Reluctantly, he lied down on the ground, turning onto his side, his back to you. Once you were sure he was asleep, you got up and laid your thin blanket over him carefully so as not to wake him.

Cole stirred and yawned as he noticed you moving.

“Sleep, boy.” You whispered, sitting down again.

Your dog got up but only to get closer to you, resting his head on your thigh as he lied down again.

“You do like to snuggle, don’t you?” You said fondly, patting Cole’s head and scratching him behind the ears. “His loss…”

When the first rays of sun began to beam, Daryl woke up. As soon as Cole noticed him stirring, he ran to him and began trying to lick his face.

“Damn, dog!” Daryl grumbled as he tried to dodge the licks, pushing Cole away. “Get off me!”

You could see he was smiling, though, and you rolled your eyes. Daryl was such a softie with your dog.

“Morning, Daryl.” You greeted. “Bet you have never had someone so excited to wake up next to you.” You joked.

“What?” Daryl looked at you weird.

“Nothing…” You chuckled. “Breakfast?”

Same that you had done the day before, you followed Daryl in silence. Every time he shot a squirrel you tried to pay attention to the way in which he wielded the crossbow, the way he aimed, trying to learn something for the next time he let you try.

As you walked, you picked up some herbs here and there.

“This one helps if you have an upset stomach,” you were telling Daryl. “Got a lot of them already, I guess it might be useful if-”

You stopped talking when Daryl hushed you and you followed his gaze to find a rabbit eating grass some meters away, still unaware of your presence. Unfortunately, Cole noticed too, and he began running to him and barking, scaring him away.

“Shit, dog, no!” Daryl rushed after the dog and the rabbit.

“Cole!” You ran behind them too. “Come here!”

Your dog finally listened, running back to you, but the rabbit was gone.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized to Daryl. “He’s sorry too.”

“Nah, he ain’t.” Daryl didn’t seem mad, though. “Told you, he’s a shit of a hunter.”

“He does this when you take him hunting?”

“Sometimes.” Daryl shrugged and began walking again.

“Then why you take him with you?”

Daryl didn’t answer and you smiled, shaking your head. He did like your dog’s company, but he’d never admit it.

“Anyway, I’m gonna teach him to stop barking, so…” He said without looking at you.

“Good luck with that.”

“Bet he’ll learn before you can hunt something.”

You saw his face and knew he was joking. Before you could say anything, though, you heard some movement coming from behind some trees and you saw a walker limping towards you.

“It’s okay.”

Daryl said, aiming and hitting the monster in the middle of the forehead with his arrow.

“You think the barks drew it to us?” You asked while Daryl retrieved his arrow.

“Yeah…another reason to teach him to stay silent…come on, be quiet.”

You kept following Daryl, trying to stay as quiet as possible, until he stopped and bent down to look at the ground. You didn’t notice the footprints until Daryl pointed them to you.

“Deer?”

He nodded, small smile on his face.

“Let’s go.”

---------------------

I loved to write this chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed it!

Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it! If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts in the comments, your feedback makes my day!

As always, English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes.

If you want to be tagged (or removed from the tags) let me know!

@momc95 @jodiereedus22 @osweetdevilo @sapphire1727 @coffeebooksandfandom @crustyrose @checkintoreality @daddys-little-princess67 @sesshomaru-lover @crossbowking @coltcas @feartheendlesssummer @izumi37 @gruffle1 @cutiepiemimi13 @drina365 @kuolematkorjaavat @daeshaunex2 @twdeadlysins @stressed-lasagna @teenyforestfairy @yenne-yen-illustrations @mychemicalimagines @nikkipea @crazycatladyalustriel @miniprz @wolfkg @paybackbarnes @haleypearce @nikki082489 @dotslabyrinth @mtngirlforever @superflannel @blckbuttler @deanervs @linktheloveabledork @sourwolf-sterek32 @iminlokisarmysofi @traveleraroundsworld @deliciousassafrasssandwich @angelontheinside @friendly-black-cat @firehoopinmama @d0ntfitin @ivars-snowflake @mblaqgi @lxdyred @a-dlv @elysijin

421 notes · View notes

thechildoflightning · 5 years

Text

JKSF Jobs

I got asked awhile ago by the lovely @mewithanie if I could write about everyone’s jobs in jksf if it sparked my interest. It did spark my interest, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it into a one-shot or story, so take a tumblr post bullet-style explanation instead!

Read on to find out all about the jobs Patton, Roman, Logan, and Virgil hold in just keep stumbling forward (baby im waiting for you)

tw: suicide (oc), PTSD and trauma (mentioned only), mentions of drugs, alcohol, and school shootings.

Patton

Runs a non-profit

Non-Profit pairs up with schools

Non-Profit is an art therapy center focused on increasing connection within teenagers and allowing them an appropriate outlet for emotional turmoil

Patton’s group generally gets placed on ‘high-risk’ campuses or campuses that have incidents happen at them

‘High-risk’ in this case is defined by higher than normal suicide rates, low attendance rates, high-levels of illegal activity (generally drug and alcohol use), high rate of poor mental health, more than average amounts of cheating, etc

Instances involve things like excessive inappropriate school-wide behavior (ie. all the kids getting drunk and disorderly at a school event) as well as shocking incidents (student death from suicide, overdose, drunk driving, or things such as school shootings)

Some kids come by choice, others are referred through a suspension exchange program

Pretty much, a kid gets suspended but can choose to go to the group’s meetings instead of facing suspension

Kids get referred for suspensions that deal with violence, drug use, alcohol use, excessive absences, and so forth

The idea behind it is that suspended the kid will only negatively impact the kids record and give no reason to change behavior, while the group can help get to the root of the issue and work towards solving/improving that instead

Other kids go by choice bc they’re looking for extra support, a healthy outlet, advice, etc

They have weekly after school meetings (per each district, with one focal school in each one. The program is currently seven districts wide)

They also have lunch drop-ins were you can come make art, chill, get a snack, pet a therapy dog, and other stuff

One of Patton’s first schools was the same school Virgil works at

Patton generally leads the entire non-profit and has delegates to deal with the different districts

He handles the school/district that Virgil is at, though he attempts to go to as many things at the other districts as he can

Does a lot of outside work promoting the program to school and school boards, but is starting to delegate a lot of that work to others so he can focus on the kids instead of the bureaucratic shit

Has had to cut back on individual involvement and delegate more as the work and stress from running an entire non-profit has taken a large toll on his health related to chronic illness

He is Not Happy about this fact, but it’s for his health and he needs it. His spouses help support in any ways that they can.

Roman

Theater Boi

He is a director for a local theater company that is actually not half-bad

Enjoys the heck out of it

Went into college planning to become an actor

And boy does he love acting and the truth is? He was good enough. He could have become an actor.

But somehow he finds it even more magical running everything behind the acting (and so so much more work, god he never realized how much Work This Was)

So he joins a theater company and he slowly works his way up

At first he comes in as assistant choreographer

He’s young and they don’t think much of it, but the show genuinely improves by his individual suggestions and work and wait, who the fuck is this kid and how do we hang onto him?

He makes his way up quite quickly, sliding his way into assistant directly and then co-director and then suddenly the director’s leaving and now he’s the director

It happens fast and it’s very very exciting but he’s also honestly a little overwhelming and he’s never been good at managing large tasks without procrastinating bc executive dysfunction (see this post and this one about Roman and ADHD)

And now he is The Director and an entire production is depending on him. Everything. All of it. And it was what he was looking for but it’s a lot.

The first time he’s on his own, it goes okay

It’s by far not the best the company has done, but it’s also not the worst and the company is pretty supportive of his jump to director and the people who have been there longer help him learn to delegate tasks

And so he tries again, and he does better, and he just continues to get better from there

There’s just one hiccup: the scenographer

Basically the scenographer Does Not Like Roman and it creates Conflict

(In my head I sorta imagine the boss character Joan played when they were playing Thomas as Roman as Joan as the boss character in that one part of “Can LYING Be Good?”)

Luckily, Deceit later takes that position, and him and Roman work way better together and pull off some pretty bomb ass productions

Roman has been asked to join other companies before- specifically travelling companies and work on Specific Productions- which is very cool and very exciting but he decides he’d rather do what he’s doing now bc

a) he enjoys the rhythm of his work. b) larger productions are more stress. c) he doesn’t want to be gone from his spouses. And d) he gets a lot of positivity and meaning out of what he does now and doesn’t see a reason to change that

Every summer he also runs the local chapter of Shakespeare in the park.

He does act in these as well bc it’s completely volunteer based. Deceit also acts in these with him and these two theater dorks have way to much fun together

They may or may not of kidnapped Trixie for one of the productions (with Virgil’s consent of course)

Logan

Logan works for a company that considers themselves as a “research and problem-solving team for the improvement of marine environments”

Basically, Logan researches issues that negatively impact marine life and helps come up solutions to improve or solve these issues

Most of what he does is cycle through data that other researchers collect and figure out what that data means and how it connects

He looks at a lot of abstract numbers and pulls them together to state exactly what the numbers are reporting

From there he brings that research to a board that forms a hypothesis and then comes up with potential solutions

These solutions are often considered very progressive and liberal and as such cause a lot of debate

Solutions range from legal changes (laws reducing companies waste, laws to prevent oil spills, protection laws around certain species/habitats, etc) to inventions (boats that clean the ocean, replication of habits to help support species that can’t live outside of a certain ecosystem, etc)

The company Logan works for has had numerous very successful projects and many of these projects were successful bc of Logan’s involvement

Logan’s spouses are very very proud of this fact

Logan is modest af and brushed it off

Logan’s had quite a few articles published in scientific journals and his findings/theories/work have also made it to national news in the past

Logan himself has actually been asked to present some of his stuff on the news multiple times. He refuses each time and someone else goes in his place.

Does this mean that person gets a lot of credit that should be assigned to Logan? Yes. Does that person feel bad? They do and try to give credit to Logan. Does Logan care? No, no he does not.

Logan could care less about credit, he just cares about marine ecosystems and That’s Literally It

Seriously, people ask him things like “does he understand the ‘political implications’ of his job” or “Are you okay with your team constantly stealing your work” and he’s just like “Fish are cool. Leave me the fuck alone.”

Logan has also done more hands-on experience which has included cool adventures that included scuba diving trips to study coral reef damage, spending days in heavy wetlands, and swimming with sharks

His spouses think that this is the coolest thing and Logan agrees a 1000%

He usually works on research because that’s Where He’s Comfortable, but the occasional planned (it has to be planned) research trip is always exciting

Logan also has so much passion for his job. So much passion. It’s sort of an agreed upon deal in the house that when Logan comes home he will generally Need To Infodump because his job is The Coolest

Because of this, a time period between him getting off work and them eating dinner is designated Logan Infodumping Time

Generally this happens while they cook (because as mentioned a few times, Logan is the best cook)

Even if his spouse aren’t helping w/ dinner, they usually try to stick around and listen because a) Logan is Cute when talking about things he enjoys. b) he talks about interesting stuff. c) even if they don’t find it interesting, Logan’s enthusiasm is infectious and they just Have To Listen

Virgil

Virgil is a high school English teacher

He generally teaches sophomore regular English and junior AP English

Classes can shift slightly depending on the year

Virgil was at first a very distant teacher and didn’t connect with his students

Like his students thought he was a fine teacher bc he wasn’t too strict and didn’t assign a bunch of hw, but no one really liked him either

About his fourth year teaching, a kid at Virgil’s school got suicide baited and ended up taking their own life

It was a Big Deal (and is also how Patton found his way to Virgil’s campus)

After the event, there were lots of discussions and groups at the school, and each teacher talked to their classes

Virgil’s discussion was,, impactful to say the least

He talked to the students frankly about the issue and opened discussion to the topic while making sure to keep it respectful and calling students out on shit while at the same time helping support everyone who was struggling

He ended it with a small speech about self-worth, what it meant, and the struggle to achieve it, especially when everyone around you is pulling you down

It spreads like wildfire throughout the school and suddenly Virgil is a very well-liked teacher because He Gets It, y’know

(to clarify- his student’s do not know about his suicide attempts or personally history regarding his PTSD and experiences, that said, they all know there’s something different about this teacher. Something that makes him understand in a way others don’t)

He also has just this snark that students fall in love with

(One of his class’ learning targets for an entire week was just “We’re going to stick it to The Man. How you ask? Well we’ll find out!”

There was also a situation one year when one of Logan’s articles turned up in a multiple choice quiz and No One, including Virgil knew the answers (Virgil did have the answer key but it Did Not Make Sense)

He had to actually call Logan to figure it out

Turns out, most of them was the quiz maker’s mistake because he was asking questions about “author’s tone” and “author’s purpose” and Logan’s just like,, I didn’t meant to have any tone? I don’t understand tone? My purpose was I like fish? Why are they saying it’s to educate the average person??

(pretty much they analyze Logan’s article from a neurotypical standpoint, which Logan Is Not, so it doesn’t work. Virgil scraps the quiz.)

#ts virgil #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #sanders sides #ts sides #jksf #just keep stumbling forward #colfanficextras #autistic logan #adhd roman #patton has chronic pain #patton is chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #virgil has ptsd #virgil has trauma #service dogs

34 notes · View notes