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#i want to make an effort to try to feel better nd not be so miserable all the time. it's so draining nd soul sucking :<

chososdiscordkitten · 3 months

Text

How jjk men peel your oranges!

Choso, Toji, Sukuna, Nanami, Geto, Gojo nd Hiromi

tw: None! one link in hiromi's lol

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Choso Kamo

He would peel it for you without hesitation or question. Say you were watching a movie with him on the couch, seeing the main character munch on some delicious looking orange slices. Mouth watering by just looking at them.

All you had to mumble was a quiet, “God, I wish I had an orange right now.” to yourself as he tried to remember if there were any oranges in the kitchen before he stood up. Placing a napkin on the coffee table as he peeled it, trying his best to not make a mess. Plucking a slice from it and handing it to you, “Thank youu-” you hummed, earning a small ‘mhm’ from him.

Leaning your head on his shoulder before he continued to peel off the rest of it. When he finished peeling it, he'd try to pluck the little white bits off of it too. Just to make sure you had the best parts.

Not even asking if you wanted him to bring you one, or asking if you wanted him to peel it. He just did it for you. Choso, my beautiful, 'I show my love in acts of service' bf

Toji Zenin

Hesitatingly he would. Having lunch with him between his jobs, you were talking about something that had happened earlier that day.

Peeling the orange in your own hands, really just taking small pieces off one by one. His eyes kept flashing down to your hands, getting more and more irked by how poorly you were peeling it.

“And I told him-” you were interrupted, he took the sadly peeled orange from your hands with small grumbles.

“Just makin’ a mess-” he huffed, peeling it carefully in his calloused hands as you watched with furrowed eyebrows. He peeled it in the way to form a spiral, trying to avoid the places you had already peeled.

You tried to tell him it was fine- that you could do it. “The things I do for you.” he mumbled in a stern tone, almost cursing himself for what he was doing.

When the orange was bare, he parted the slices for you, placing them on the napkin you had laid out that did a poor job at containing the mess you were making. Taking one for himself to reward his efforts.

Sukuna

No. “You're more than capable of peeling it yourself. You're not special.”

Kento Nanami

Would peel it flawlessly, no white parts left on it. You were sitting on his living room couch trying to finish a proposal for your job, legs taking up most of the couch, rubbing your forehead in frustration.

Nanami saw how upset you looked, and thought of a way to make you feel even a little better. Standing in the kitchen as he peeled two oranges for you, humming a small tune as he gathered all the rinds before tossing them in the trash.

Placing the perfect film-like slices into a small bowl and pouring a glass of water before walking back to the couch.

“Here.” he hummed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. His heart clenched when you looked at him with tired eyes.

“Awe, thank you Kento-” you cooed, taking the bowl in your hands. Seeing him place the glass of water on the coffee table before lifting your legs from the couch, sitting down and placing them back on his lap.

One hand rubbing your shin lovingly as he picked up the book on the side table, prying it open before reading.

Suguru Geto

Would ask you if you wanted him to peel it for you. Eating lunch with him, “I brought you something-” he smiled, his tone warm. Hearing a curious hum come from you, “Remember you told me you hadn't had an orange in a while?” before presenting the fruit to you.

A small gasp left you, smiling before reaching to take it. “Thank you Sugu-” you started, seeing him pull his hand back.

“You don't want me to peel it for you?” he asked, tone serious as though that was the only reason he brought it to you.

“If you want to-” you started, seeing him scoff before taking the small knife on the table and starting to peel it slowly. “So fancy.” you commented, seeing him focus on not tearing the spiral forming from the rind.

“I hate getting the rind under my nails.” he mumbled, focusing on the small fruit in his hands.

“And that's why I haven't eaten one in so long.” you laughed. He tried his best to cut off only the rind- but a few pieces of the orange ended up being taken off. He split it in half before handing you the bigger slices.

Satoru Gojo

Would peel it in a way that made you regret even bringing up oranges. Walking around the school's campus, hearing him talk about how much potential his students had.

Seeing you fiddle with the small orange in your hands, “You gonna eat that or?” he smiled, pulling you out of your own thoughts. You furrowed your eyebrows looking at him, before you realized what he was talking about.

“Oh- I was waiting till I found a napkin. Don't wanna make a mess.” you hummed, his face lit up. Taking it from your hands and smiling/

“This is one of my best tricks-” he giggled, holding the orange between his palms.

“You should let other people tell you they're the best.” you joked, seeing him clap his palms together. Face falling when you realized he warped your orange.

You didn't speak to him till he presented you with a perfectly peeled one, “It doesn't even have the white stuff on it!” he defended, trying to convince you to forgive him.

Pouting as he watched you eat it. “I can’t even have one slice?” he whined, seeing you purposefully make the orange look like it was the most delicious thing you've ever eaten.

“You don't even deserve the rind.” You hummed, seeing him slump in his seat.

Hiromi Higuruma

Would peel it, but in an inconvenient way. Would be having breakfast with you, seeing an unsliced orange next to your plate. Taking it in his hands and looking at you with a stoic face.

“When I was a kid-” he started, peeling the orange tactfully. Watching his hands as you blinked at him. All ears, thinking this was going to be some kind of serious talk.

“I could never figure out how to peel an orange properly.” he scoffed, trying to hold in a hearty laugh. Seeing your eyebrows furrowed almost asking where this was going. “And one day, my father-” he smiled, looking at you with soft eyes.

“-taught me how to peel one, but he said I could only peel them this way for one person.” his fingers ripping the rind and placing the small bits on his plate. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at the small peel in his hands.

“I didn't understand why-” placing the peeled orange on your plate, “Till he told me that the way into a person's heart- is through laughter.” he finished, looking at you with a strained expression trying not to let out a laugh.

There on your plate, a little orange man staring at you. You gave him a defeated laugh you tried to hold in. In the end he only made a mess, and made the orange warm from how much he molded it in his hands. But the gesture was sweet.

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I had so much fun writing this lol. sum short nd sweet. I keep seeing this topic all over twt so here's my two cents.

1K notes · View notes

ox1-lovesick · 1 year

Note

hi love I HAVE A RQQQ- TXT OR ENHA WITH A SICK S/O PLEASE!! i have a killer cold and the worst dizzy spells ever nd i would love some comfort 😞😞 thank u sm

★ �� ☆ TXT WITH A SICK!S/O

★ pairing. txt x gn!reader genre. fluff, comfort warnings. mentions of food wc. 100-300 each

✯ synopsis. txt with a sick s/o!!

☆ a/n. firstly i am so sorry this took 4 months 💀 writers block is the bane of my existence. i do hope this manages to bring you some comfort though :( please do take care of yourself and get well soon! (even though you are most likely not sick anymore 😭) also how ironic is it that i'm currently sick... :')

YEONJUN | 연준

by your side 100% of the time you cannot get rid of him.

he's over your bed when you wake up in the morning, waiting outside the bathroom door for you, laying right next to while you're sleeping. everywhere you are, so is yeonjun

will bend over backwards to get you anything you need

water? medicine? soup? more blankets? less blankets? he's on it before you can even ask

cooks for you !!! tries to make your food as interesting as possible so you won't get bored, without adding things that will make you feel worse or aren't good for you

you're bedridden. don't even try to fight him

he won't let you lift a finger, he wants you to get as much rest as possible so you can get better as quickly as possible

infact don't even speak, he'll learn morse code so you can just beep him whenever you need

if his schedule allows he'll stay home with you and be by your side every second of the day, if not he's texting you every free moment he has to make sure you're okay

would definitely call in sick if you were feeling particularly tired and need his care that day

has multiple reminders to make sure you're taking your medicine on time, will scold you if you're even a second late

he'll never tell you but he secretly enjoys you being sick . . .

he love love loves to take care of you, especially when you call on him to do things for you it makes him all giddy knowing you need him (he's not a creep i swear)

he's ontop of you so much he probably catches whatever you have

atleast you're sick together

SOOBIN | 수빈

hates to see you sick

1. because it's gross 2. because he hates seeing you in pain but mainly because it's gross

you're not staying in his bed i'm sorry he's gonna come over to your house to take care of you during the day and go home to his snot free blankets at night

gets your medicine mixed up all the time and complains it's the doctor's fault for prescribing ones that look so similar

low-key takes advantage of this situation so he can skip work and spend some quality time with you LMAOOO

"sorry guys yn's still dying i can't come to work today"

at first it's fun because you just have your average head cold so he doesn't worry too much

but then it starts getting worse and he comes home to you falling over yourself in the kitchen because of your dizzy spells and nearly has a stroke

panik

he starts stressing like a mad man after that

probably gets himself sick just with how stressed out he is it's a problem

definitely calls his mom for help he doesn't know what to do

updates her on every little thing you do

"mom they just took a really deep breath does that mean something"

buys the entire pharmacy

wants to kick himself for not taking it seriously when you first got sick he feels so guilty 😭

although you did enjoy his company and the endless marvel marathons so all is well

will not leave you alone. you have to shit with the door open.

will do everything for you even if you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself

from brushing your hair to fluffing your pillows he's gonna do it all

he'll even clean for you, that's his ultimate declaration of love

in the end he didn't really do much to nurse you back to health but A for effort

BEOMGYU | 범규

i know practically everyone in moaville would say he'd tease the shit out of you but in my head he'd be the most worried for you

googles every single one of your symptoms and then cries himself to sleep because myonlineclinic.com told him you have cholera and 6 days to live

the only reason he'd tease you is to mask his worry

he'd watch you go through 60 boxes of tissues and be like "omg my snotty baby" but on the inside he's freaking out 😭

your pain is his pain, the way you feel affects him and his mood drastically

he's irritable when you are, he's tired when you are, your appetites probably sync too

puts a curse on whoever spread their nasty germs to you with ginger roots and vinegar

i think he'd also be the most sympathetic since he gets sick a lot more often than the others

so gentle and understanding compared to his usual self it's a little scary 😭

surprisingly good at negotiation like you're being stubborn because you don't want to take your medicine and he's like "if you drink the cough syrup i'll let you listen to the demos for our next comeback" and before you know it you've sold your childhood home to him for 3/4 of the initial price

will whip out his guitar and sing for you in a heartbeat if you ask him too

obviously tries to crack jokes and make you smile so you don't feel too miserable, he feels so accomplished even if you just scoff at him 🙁

gets back to his usual annoying self once you're better though

TAEHYUN | 태현

ironically, he doesn't know what to do

he rarely gets sick and when he does it passes in a day or two, so when you've been coughing like you have bronchitis for the past week he feels so lost

his first instinct is to take you to the doctor to figure out what's wrong but gets into a fight with doctor for charging him 19382928 won just to press his hand to your forehead and tell him you have a head cold (terry is against this capitalist society)

also buys the entire pharmacy

changes your entire lifestyle to the maximum efficiency so you get better as quickly as possible and makes sure you stick to it

strict like a prison warden, sometimes you wonder if he actually loves you

which he obviously does, but it's hard to believe so when he avoids any unnecessary contact with you as if you have the plague

takes you outside every once in a while to get some fresh air, he feels stuffy just watching you sit around

it also keeps you active 💪

he's always pestering you to wash your hands

will not let you touch him otherwise

makes sure he keeps your space clean, always has tissues and anything else you might need within your reach

at your aid 24/7

you take up a colossal space in his heart he's so soft for you

flying to your side before you even say anything

you don't even have to tbh he can read your mind

"how'd you know i wanted water?" "you looked thirsty"

if he notices you're feeling extra miserable he'll sing for you to cheer you up

swallows his pride because he's down bad and pulls out his best southern accent when you ask him to sing country music

he will be teased for the next millenia but it was worth it for you

he's like an overbearing mother but you get better the fastest when he's taking care of you

HUENINGKAI | 휴닝카이

another mama's boy

probably calls his sisters too

hiyyih would tell him to soak your pills in vegetable oil as a joke but he'll actually do it because he's just that hopeless

he's unable to think straight he just wants to do everything in his power to make you feel better 😭

although he gets the hang of it pretty quickly, he's a fast learner and genuinely enjoys taking care of you

always praising you !!

"wow yn!! i can't believe you ate all your soup!!! you're so cool!!!"

tries to distract you by showing you his entire collection of pokemon cards

probably lies and tells you they're all super rare and he's the only one in the world who has them

does his best not to cause you any stress, he just wants you to focus on resting

the things this man does because he loves you istg

he cleans the entire dorm because it's a breeding ground for bacteria and he doesn't want anything making you more sick

the guys come home to the house spotless they're just like 🤯🤯🤯🤯

taehyun asks you to get sick more often if it means he doesn't have to fight his way through the ironing board and bike to get to the sink

he even lets you play on his DS he's down bad

side rant: i feel like kai is secretly a neat freak, he abhors the sight of filth but is just too lazy to do anything about it so he forces himself to deal with it 💀

anyway he's such a sweetheart :( does his best to keep the mood up even if you're feeling miserable because your nose is so filled with so much snot that you can't breathe

his positive energy definitely rubs off on you!!!

he actually does a good job taking care of you, he's a bit stressed at first but you're back to good health in no time !!!

448 notes · View notes

muniimyg · 1 year

Text

22 | maybe

series m.list

note: hi 🥹 it’s been a while :o how are you guys? sorry this update took so long 🤡 i was on vacation and jus got home yesterday... trying to catch up with my personal life and resetting my room in time for school has been tiring! but ,, i’m back and will be updating again soon <3 here is the promised fluff and “angst” if you’re a CRYBABY 🫵 thank u for being so patient and wishing me a nice break ✨ i can’t wait for more of this story to unfold because as you know… we are near the end 🫣💓 ps: this ch is unedited 😤 i jus wanted to post it nd get it OUT so we can carry on gawd daYuMmm..

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “your universe” // please DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

taglist: @yukiehyukie @tarahardcore @bbsantc @jeonqkooks-main @whoa-jo @ellesalazar @exhibitachol @pamzn @floweryjeons @boraength @4ksj @joonsjuice @taegijns @avtrns @taegix94 @bloopkook @jihopesjoint @firesighgirl @vantxx95 @damn-u-min-yoongi @yoongukie-ff @hopeworldjimin @thisisaburnphone @pb-n-juju @xjiminsthighsx @miss-rainy-days @percyjacksonlovesannabethchase @whitefoxgirl @slutforheeseung

No one ever talks about how difficult it is to unlearn feelings of rejection.

To begin with, the entire concept is so ridiculous! it practically comes off as insincere, stupid, and careless. Yet, it’s so rare to experience. Usually, rejection is rejection. No means no. So how could it be shocking for you to be struggling right now? From being someone who was so familiar with rejection to now struggling to accept the love you deserve; it’s hard.

But Yoongi makes it easy.

Ever since the talk between you two, he has shown over and over again that he heard you, he respects you, and most importantly he understands you. Every day, every handhold and tight hug was a step closer to loving again. Obviously easier said than done, you’re thankful that the time between you two makes things better.

Time with him.

With Yoongi, time seems to heal.

While you’re grateful for the effort and complete change in atmosphere between you and Yoongi, you know deep down that his actions would have meant nothing if he wasn’t constantly in motion investing his time with you. Texting you, calling when he can, showing up early, and leaving late… They all play such a huge part in convincing you that he cares. He’s here now and he’ll want you for as long as you’ll have him.

To have him the way you do now… Well, it simply doesn’t feel real.

Every minute spent with him, every smile he dedicates to you, and every laugh shared in between—it creates a stronger bond between you two. As of now, time spent with Yoongi has evolved to be routine and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Tuesday is your busiest and earliest day.

It begins with an early 7:30AM class and a schedule packed with the class until 5:30PM, then you attend practicum and club meetings that run as late as 9:45PM. Apart from that, it’s also your laundry day and usually the time your favourite shows release new episodes.

It’s always just been like this.

Yoongi, for some reason, has recently taken it upon himself to be a part of your busy Tuesdays. He knows how easily grumpy you become when you feel overwhelmed. You aren’t too sure exactly why, when, or how he began to show up outside of your 7:30AM lecture building with a cup of freshly brewed coffee; he just did.

How could you complain?

Even if his place is right in front of your lecture, waking up to meet with you for a few minutes is such an inconvenience and a waste of good sleep. The fact that he makes an effort to get up, brew you coffee, and sleepily meet with you… It makes your heart glow.

It’s safe to say that the coffee he brings you does more than wake you up. It wakes your feelings up and serves as a constant reminder of his care. Sleepily, he would hold the cup of coffee above your head and pucker up his lips. Cheekily and sleepily, Yoongi is always ready to tease you.

It’s funny because his eyes would be closed half of the time. Regardless, you would lean in and let his soft lips kiss your puffy morning cheeks. After he gives you a kiss and your coffee, he’ll hold the door open for you to head in. Waving him goodbye, Yoongi continues with his day and looks forward to catching up with you later.

However, this Tuesday is different.

Tuesday Morning Lecture: Class Cancellation.

Good morning students! This email was meant to be sent last night but unfortunately was scheduled inaccurately. My apologies!

Notes will be provided for the module and extra time will be set aside next week for review and questions.

Best regards!

You squeal.

Your classes never get canceled! You also slept later than usual last night so this is truly a blessing. Pulling your covers above your head, you drift back to sleep and completely forget to text Yoongi about the change of plans.

As you continue sleeping, Yoongi drags himself out of bed.

He gets himself ready and brews your coffee. Then, he heads out the door and stands outside in the cold spring air waiting for you. He waits.

And waits.

And waits even more.

Yoongi waits until you’re officially late.

Yoongi waits until you don’t show up.

A few days ago, you two talked about your feelings regarding his efforts. Everything since that talk has been going great! You two were communicating better and are even a little closer than before. Therefore, it confuses Yoongi as to why you aren’t here right now with no notice. He goes back home and sets your coffee on his kitchen counter. Taking out his phone, he doesn’t even bother to text you.

He calls you right away.

Half awake, you pick up.

“H-hello?”

Yoongi feels relieved you answered but can’t help but feel protective and entitled to your whereabouts. “Are you sick?”

“... W-what?”

“Are you mad at me?” Yoongi paces back and forth, feeling a little nervous. He runs back to his last few encounters with you and struggles to pinpoint where he could have fucked up.

“Huh?”

“Are you avoiding me?”

Once you register it’s Yoongi’s voice and the worrisome tone attached to his words, you force yourself to sit up from your bed. Checking the time, you gasp as you connect the dots.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, aki… I fell asleep after I read my class cancelation notice and forgot to text you.”

Yoongi sighs.

“Okay.”

You groan. “Aki…”

“Mhmm?”

“I’m really sorry… I should’ve remembered. I was just so tired and it slipped my mind.” Feeling guilty, you can’t help but feel upset with yourself. Yoongi didn’t deserve this!

“Okay.”

“Don’t be mad,” you beg him. “Please..”

“I’m not mad. Who said I’m mad?” Yoongi huffs. His words are sharp and his tone feels so superficial. It’s like he’s just saying things for the sake of saying them and not because it’s what he truly feels.

In all honesty, he’s not mad.

Why should he be? He feels a little disappointed but that’s it. It’s just an innocent misunderstanding and it would be unfair to you if he blamed it all on you. It’s not that deep…

You sigh, taking his word for it. “I have the morning off.. Do you want to study?”

He bites his tongue.

He doesn’t want to study. He wants to spend time with you for no reason even if you practically just stood him up.

“I don’t want to study.”

“That’s fair. Oh, wait! Never mind, don’t you have class in an hour or so? Just rest up until then. I’ll call you again when I’m more awake… Sorry, aki.”

Yoongi nods out of habit.

He can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Seeing you all sleepy and cold, needy for his coffee and hugs… Well, it was something he looked forward to every morning. Despite all these arising feelings, he manages to mumble, “you better,” as a response. You laugh sweetly and thank him.

“Have a good day, aki.” You sing sweetly.

“Ace?”

“Mhmm?”

Yoongi feels a lump in his throat form. He swallows it away and shyly reaches for reassurance.

“Call me later?”

“I will, silly. Goodnight,” you promise. “Sorry again.”

“It’s okay,” he tells you. “... And good morning, ace. I miss you.”

“Good morning, aki,” you yawn before ending the call. “I miss you too.”

Yoongi bumps into you on his way out of his 2PM lecture.

You’re laughing alongside some of the swimmers that tried to bid on you. He glares at the sight of them crowding over you and the way that Jungkook is standing on the sideline, shoving his face with a bag of cotton candy.

He approaches Jungkook first.

“What the fuck is that?” Yoongi growls.

With a mouth full of blue cotton candy, Jungkook smiles. “Swimmers gave me cotton candy for bringing ___ to our practice today.”

Yoongi hisses at Jungkook. “Thanks for trading our friendship for cotton candy.”

It’s not like he saw this coming. Jungkook is an easy guy to win over. Loyalty isn’t his strongest forum…

Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“As if she’d ever get over you. You can’t possibly be this insecure! Actually, I take that back. Let me see your abs right now so I can accurately measure how insecure you should be—”

Then, Jungkook reaches for the hem of Yoongi’s crewneck and tries to lift it up. Yoongi shoves the blue sugar-stained hands away and glares at Jungkook angrier than ever. Yoongi’s darting eyes make Jungkook feel uneasy.

It totally ruins his happy vibe.

“Geez… What crawled up your ass today?” Jungkook asks, disliking Yoongi’s attitude.

Yoongi has always been grumpy and shy but he has never been so moody and lost. It’s like he’s a puppy that just got kicked.. Jungkook feels bad for him.

Yoongi’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and ignores his friend’s question. He watches you nod politely at the swimmers. You look so pretty today. He should’ve seen you first—not them.

“She has class until 5:30PM on Tuesdays.. What’s she doing here with you?”

“A few of the education department profs have a conference a few cities away. Her entire Tuesday and Wednesday classes are empty this week! Except for her 7:30AM one today but apparently that got canceled. Didn’t she tell you?” Jungkook asks Yoongi rather dumbfounded. “Stop looking at me like you want to kill me.. I’m not the one that’s flirting with your girlfriend—”

“I’ll kill you, you little brat—”

“Yoongi!”

Your voice calling his name makes him gulp. He turns and sees you breaking through the crowd of swimmers and practically running to him. You giggle as you crash into him and greet him with a hug.

He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight. Yoongi wishes for this moment to last forever.

When you pull away, you smile at him brightly. “I was about to surprise and meet you at your lecture but I bumped into Jungkook and he asked me to watch his practice—”

“Your classes are canceled until Wednesday?”

“Oh? Yeah. I mentioned it a few days ago,” you tell him. “... I think?”

“You think?”

“I let Jungkook know!” you defend, knowing he’ll be a little upset. Honestly, these past few days have been so hectic… It’s not surprising that this slipped your mind too.

Yoongi pouts. “But you didn’t let me know.”

Your heart aches. You feel so bad.

“I’m sorry,” you hold his hand and squeeze them. “I should have left his practice earlier to catch up with you. I promised a friend a late lunch today so I’m going to meet up with her now.. I was just on my way. I’ll call you later though.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

With that, Yoongi feels empty when you let go of his hand and wave goodbye. You walk in the opposite direction and soon enough, he’s left alone with Jungkook.

“___ looks pretty today,” Jungkook comments.

“I know,” Yoongi groans. He turns to see the other swimmers watching you walk away as well. He instantly feels annoyed. “I fucking hate this.”

Later that night, you forget to call.

The day just went by so fast and by the time you get home, you knock out. It’s a little funny since you spent the morning sleeping in and now you’re asleep before 9PM.

Yoongi stays awake until 2:30AM waiting for your call.

He falls asleep feeling more and more anxious and annoyed.. It doesn’t last long though because he remembers how pretty you were as you ran to him this afternoon. How brightly you smiled and how tight you hugged him. It’s okay if you break a few promises… As long as were his… Everything should be okay.

And then it hits him.

You aren’t his yet.

The next day, you wake up to a bunch of texts from Yoongi. All updating you about his day and random thoughts that had popped up. You find it touching how he’s truly trying to be more communicative and feel like a complete asshole for falling short since yesterday.

Today, you hope to do better.

Today, you will do better.

You begin today with calling him. He answers after the third ring.

“Yoongi…”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “You forgot to call. You’re sorry. It’s okay. I’m not mad.”

You sigh and take a deep breath. “I liked your texts… They were really cute. Thanks for sending them.”

Yoongi can’t help but half-smile. He’s getting dressed for the day and your call surely made him feel relief from his overwhelming thoughts last night.

“It’s whatever. You never replied by the way…”

“I’m on a call with you right now,” you snicker, finding his sulking attitude to be quite cute. “Wow, I never knew you were this needy! To think you come off as a bad boy? Crazy…”

Your realization hits you hard. He’s always been a softie deep down, of course, you knew that… But this… This is a whole other level.

However, he ignores your comment and decides to prioritize his pride. Yes, he was needy and clingy when it comes to you… But if you already know, there’s no need to re-establish it.

“I know you’re probably busy today too so I’ll let you go… And I only updated you because I know you’d like it.”

“Awh,” you whine at his goodbye. “Don’t go. Don’t sulk. Don’t act like you don’t miss me.”

“I do miss you,” he confesses.

Your heart skips a beat.

“Where are you right now?” you ask him, recalling on your own that he should be free today.

“Home.. But I’m probably going to head to the gym. Jungkook’s been commenting on my abs lately and now I’m starting to be a little self-conscious.” A forced laugh escapes Yoongi’s lips. “Anyways, bye. Have a good day. Don’t call me… Maybe you’ll remember to do things you’re not supposed to do.”

In response, you gasp. “Stop it! Stay home. I’m coming over.”

“Why?”

“I miss you, duh.”

This time, Yoongi’s heart skips a beat.

“That so?”

“Yes, it is so. Don’t leave, okay? I’m coming over,” you practically nag. “… And fuck Jungkook.”

“No thanks.”

“Oh, it’s you... What do you want?” he crosses his arms and leans against his door. Downplaying his excitement is the best solution he’s found for this interaction. His greeting is his way of masking his pain.

He feels like he hasn’t seen you in forever when the truth is; it’s only been a day or two.

You roll your eyes and push past him, carrying a bag of groceries and your books. You set them on his kitchen island and begin to unpack.

“I brought over some of my lesson plan prep for next week. I think my kids will love our upcoming themes! Like, my partner and I planned a Disney theme at first but she suggested we do something like—”

Your words are cut off by Yoongi resting his chin on your shoulders and wrapping his arms around you. Hugging you from behind, he takes in the scent of your just-washed hair and nuzzles into your neck.

“Missed you.”

You like the way his body feels against yours. Heavy and comforting, you feel so safe and happy to be with him. You let him hold you and stay silent for a moment.

“Are you upset with me? I really didn’t mean to be such a lousy friend—”

“Girlfriend.”

“What?” you laugh as he breaks away from you.

He nods, holding your hands together and kissing them. With puppy eyes, he begs. “You need to make it up to me. Do you know how much sleep I’ve lost because of you? How sick to my stomach I’ve been without you? How neglected I’ve been feeling? Ugh, this is the least you can do.”

Yoongi never fails to amuse you. You lean back, playing along to his mood. “Oh my! How could I do such a thing to this sweet angel kitty face,” you tease, reaching for his cheeks and squishing them together. “How can I make it up to you?”

“Let me be your boyfriend,” he says through pucker lips. Your eyes widen and he takes your surprised reaction as a good sign. In a way, you look excited. It’s like he can feel your heart beating fast.

Before he continues, he gives you a minute to compose yourself. Yoongi then tilts his head at you and pouts. “___, I’m asking and confessing to you for the second time. This is it. I want to be yours. I want to miscommunicate, get upset, makeup, and be happy with you.”

Yoongi feels like every part of him is on fire. He’s so nervous and yet so foolishly confident. Time away from you made things so clear. He can’t do it! He can’t be away from you. He needs you. He wants you. He likes you so much… What else could he do but ask for you to his?

“Maybe.”

His mouth drops. “Maybe?”

“It’s not a no,” you laugh, pushing away from him and continuing to unpack as if he didn’t just cash in his second try. As if… As if he didn’t just put his heart out on the line again.

“It’s not exactly a yes either,” he counterpoints, shifting to face you. “___, be serious. What’s your answer?”

You look at him lovingly, knowing damn well that the answer isn’t what he wants to hear right now. You want to say yes. You want to give in so badly and just be happy together… But a part of you feels like it’s too early and too easy. Yoongi’s rejections made you go through so much and even if this isn’t about revenge—it’s a good lesson and journey to go through.

At the end of the day, Min Yoongi has always been dreamy.

To have him the way you do now… It’s a dream you don’t want to wake up from. So, you stay sleepy.

You press snooze.

#yoongi fic #yoongi fluff #suga fluff #bts suga fic #bts fic #bts smau #yoongi smua #yoongi scenario #yoongi x yn

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trophyfemmebimbo · 2 years

Note

facefuck anon here!! didn’t expect my last ask to be popular omg now i feel shy 😭😭 but here are some more things my butch fwb has done you guys might enjoy 🥰🥰 as always everything (!!) was consensual and enjoyed by everyone lol

1) she fucked me in the ass so hard i was really sore after and for the rest of the day she’d randomly grab my thong and pull it into my ass so she could see me wince and try to hold it together

2) fucked my throat & slammed me down on her dick nd held my head down on it & when i started choking on it for real and trying to come up for air she plugged my nose and held me in place & then laughed at me when i was gagging and spluttering and genuinely almost vomiting 🥰

3) fucked my tits & made me stick out my tongue so she could stick the tip of her dick in my mouth with every thrust while i drooled all over it n myself

4) skullfucked me v hard to the point where i was covered in tears & drool & runny makeup trying desperately to stay alive lol just looking and sounding fucking pathetic and she kept pounding my throat. i was making a real effort but it was a lot and i was struggling when she was like “btw i’m fucking your ass after this and i don’t think i want to use lube. so you better put in some effort here because this is all you’re getting otherwise i’m going in dry” so she then basically made me beg to be skullfucked and whenever i’d start crying and gagging and choking again trying to pull off she’d be like “yeah sure just remember when this is going after” and then i’d just force myself to do it anyways and she’d just smirk and be like “yeah that’s what i thought” (we still used lube after bc of physical safety but it was a really hot power trip)

5) i was out with some mutual friends and texted her if she was coming out (bc i wanted to get my back blown out later hehe) then she showed up looking like the fratboy she is in like an army jacket and baseball hat and she grabbed a beer and walked up to me and the first thing she said was “so are you getting on my dick later? because that’s literally the only reason i came to see you” and i almost came on the spot

6) ignored most of what i said when we were sitting down having some drinks in my garden with friends and looked at my tits the whole time instead. after our friends left she told me she was more interested in my tits than anything i had to say anyway so i might as well get them out which i did 🫣 then a bit later she was like “oh god you’re still talking? don’t you have anything more useful you can do with your mouth?” before making me deepthroat my beer bottle and as i was doing it she went “just remember that basically anytime you try to talk to me this is what i imagine you doing”

7) kept threatening to come inside me and knock me up bc she was fucking my pussy while i kept begging her to pls pull out and she kept laughing at me until finally she told me she might come in my ass if i asked nicely enough so it ended with me begging her to pls pls pls put it in my ass even though i’d already said i didn’t want to have anal that night 🥺 (cnc!!)

8) riled me up sooo bad i was almost almost coming and then stopped and told me she wouldn’t make me come until i’d convinced her that her making me come was more important than my own dignity. ended up gagging myself w my own fingers down my throat, slapping myself in the face with her dick for five minutes straight and gushing about how her dick was my god, her asking me where she should shoot her next load and me jumping up, bending over and spreading my ass with no hesitation, bouncing my tits up and down while drooling all over them while she laughed at me, and telling her that i was a braindead dumb whore whose only purpose was to serve butch cock 🥰🥰 and then finally she made me come and i swear to god i blacked out it was so good

those are the more recent stories i can think of but i’m sure more will come back to me/there will be more in the future 🥰 sooo thankful for her and the sex we have, it’s literally all i ever wanted and more. also if you wanna tag this and maybe my previous ask so people can find it hehe i could maybe use the 🍒 emoji as a signature?? :))

ive been reading thru this ask a LOT the past few days truing to figure out how to do it justice with a response and all i can say is THANK YOU anon 🥺😭🥵 truly a blessing omg

#anon #🍒#i......... every single part of this is 🤤💓💘💖💗💕🥵#personally...#1 6 and 8 👀😳#favourites

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5eraphim · 7 months

Note

Is it ok if you do yandere classic heavy x reader? The reader could be from his team or someone like a Miss Pauling for their team

I decided to answer this request with a oneshot, I wasn't certain if this was what you had in mind, (As in I didn't know for sure if you wanted this or headcanons.) but I hope you enjoy

Title: Backstabber

Character: Classic Heavy (Team Fortress 2)

Rating: X (MINORS DNI, GO PLAY OUTSIDE)

Content Warnings: yandere, AFAB reader/female terms of affection used (good girl/my girl), abuse of power, dubcon, boss x employee dynamic, TOXIC RELATIONSIHP, possessiveness, rough, degradation, toxic masculinity/sexist cheavy big time, technically hurt/comfort but more accurately hurt/hurt the other person, arguing but it's basically foreplay

Word Count: 5.5k

Master List

Tip Jar

"Desire gradually took over- not simple need, like hunger, but a taut elastic compulsion. It took all my energy to stand it, this urge to ravage." Jenefer Shute, Life Sized

@teufortwriting (asked to be tagged in classic heavy fics, this one's 4 u nd the anons hope you lot enjoy!!)

(post 1/31 of my version of kinktober where i write whatever i want for every day of october <3)

It was late; it was your day off, and yet here you were, working well into the night. At least when you worked from your quarters, you had the luxury of staying in pajamas all day. But warm gray sweatpants and a thin cotton tank top were little comfort from the real distress of work. You were in a rough situation. Virgil, the team Sniper, was missing in action, and you'd spent all day messaging with other mercenary groups from your laptop, messaging anyone you could think of, asking if anyone'd seen your Sniper.

Despite the entire day's effort, you had a bad feeling it would be all in vain. No one had seen a thing. At least no one who bothered to respond had. You were hardly surprised most of your messages went ignored. Just about everyone in the business knew of the growing bitterness among your team members, and no one wanted to get involved. No one was surprised to hear people were starting to abandon the team altogether. You shut your laptop, rubbing your temples, wondering if you were just one bad week away from the entire group falling apart.

A knock at the door disrupted your train of thought, as well as causing you to jolt slightly in your seat. You checked the clock; it was almost 10 p.m. Not only was today supposed to be a day off, but you couldn't imagine who would need to contact you at such an odd hour.

Needless to say, you were caught entirely by surprise when you saw your boss, of all people, looming overhead, clutching his side with one hand and leaning his weight on the door frame. For a moment, you just stared, unable to understand what he was doing here. Creasing your brow, you squinted, looking up at him, trying to see a bit better in the low light. "Cheavy?"

His head dipped forward slightly, and you could see his shoulders rising and falling with each jerky breath he took. "No shit. Let me in."

Only then did you notice the dank smell of blood wafting from Cheavy, and you found it a lot harder to avoid looking at the hand at his side, catching the dampness of the fabric he clenched between his fingers.

Faltering for a moment, you nodded, pushing the door wider and stepping out of the way. He didn't say anything as he pushed his way inside, keeping one hand against the wall to brace his weight against as he shuffled forward on unsteady legs. You watched for your position at the door as he trudged to the bed, making the box spring creak slightly as he sat down on the edge, curling forward as he took a deep breath.

After shutting and re-locking the door, you lingered awkwardly in the doorway, feeling suddenly quite out of place in your own bedroom. Cheavy looked like hell. You'd never seen him look so beat up. It was so out of character to see him like this. "Cheavy, what happened to you?"

"Stabbed." He grumbled.

You crept closer on shaky legs as if approaching a rabid dog. "Why did you come all the way here? Shouldn't you go check in with Medic?"

He pulled off his goggles, wiping the sweat from his brow with his clean hand, "I know you've got a first aid kit in here, now come patch me up." Despite his command, you were too scared to get any closer.

"Alright, um- I'll get right on it. Just get comfortable, and I'll go grab some painkillers for you. I'll be right-"

He interrupted with a gruff bark before you could finish your thought, "You're not going anywhere! Not until I'm patched up."

"Cheavy, I'm not gonna leave you, c'mon I'll just be one minute." You replied in a much quieter voice.

"I'll tell you one more time- you're not going anywhere!" He didn't need to waste his breath with a threat. You got the message loud and clear, after whatever happened to him earlier, he was in no mood for you to test his patience.

"Understood." You replied curtly. Cheavy was scaring the shit out of you, but you tried to reason with yourself. The sooner you got him patched up, the sooner he'd be out. He was clearly in a lot of pain, but at least he was responsive; he could move on his own, and if it was just one stab wound, you were confident it shouldn't be too hard to patch up.

Everyone on the team had a first aid kit in their dorm, even though you weren't technically on the team. Even if you couldn't remember ever actually using it. While you weren't as trained as a Medic to treat combat injuries, it didn't take a genius to clean and patch a wound. Gathering your supplies, you pulled on some disposable gloves, bringing a bowl of water and a clean rag, having no idea if it would be enough to clean him up, mentally praying the wound wasn't deep enough to need stitches.

When you returned with your supplies, Cheavy was already on his back, his shirt and harness in a bloodied heap beside his boots on the floor. Drawing a little closer, you realized pulling off his shirt must've agitated his cut, causing fresh blood to fall directly onto your sheets.

Steeling your resolve, you tiptoed closer with your first aid kit tucked under your elbow, the rag draped over your shoulder using both hands to keep the bowl balanced. When you finally got to his bedside, standing over him, "I'm going to clean you up first. Can you move your hand for me?"

Cheavy winced slightly but was able to comply, staining the bed with even more blood as his wet hand white-knuckled your bedding. Now that you could get a good look at the wound, you thanked God it wasn't deep enough to require stitches. Fortunately for Cheavy, no severe damage was done to his muscles or bones, but it was one of the last places anyone would want to cut because of the thinner skin and all the nerve endings. The cut ran over his ribs in an angry red streak from the side of his lower ribs, arching up and ending a bit below his pec. It would need an awful lot of bandages but no stitches.

"I'm going to clean the dried blood up first. This is going to feel a bit cold."

Cheavy didn't respond, just nodded with his eyes still closed, preemptively curling a pillow under the bend in his arm. He obviously wasn't comfortable, but at least he didn't look so infuriated. He hardly reacted when you pressed the damp to his lower belly, using one hand to gently scrub and the other to push into his gut to keep yourself from accidentally tugging at the wound.

It was going to take a while to fully clean him, and you couldn't stop wondering why the hell he came to you, of all people, to take care of him. Wringing out the rag, you inquired, "So… The Medicine just disappeared? Did he say anything odd the last time you saw him?"

Cheavy huffed, "Obviously not. If you didn't know, deserters don't leave with 2-week notices."

"Right, sorry…" You responded. Gingerly, you began to dab the rag a little further up his chest, already dreading when you'd have to sterilize his wound. Cleaning up his upper body alone would take long enough. You felt so small bedside Cheavy, your hands absolutely tiny and ineffective trying to aid the titan before you. Even in this state, he could snap your arm like a twig if he wanted to.

So much blood had clotted in his chest hair as you timidly worked away; your fingers were wrinkling from the water, and yet there was still so much work to be done. At least he looked comfortable. You could vaguely feel his heart beating deep inside his chest as his breathing slowed and deepened. The tension finally left his face. Had you ever seen him so relaxed before? It was a pity to disrupt it, "I'm going to disinfect the wound now; it's going to sting pretty bad."

He practically groaned, "Like I haven't had worse today." Cheavy was right. Given what he must've been through, a slight stinging was nothing; all the same, it was impossible to steady your hand as you raised an iodine-soaked cotton ball to the wound's hideous gaping wound. He hardly flinched when the cotton dabbed against his side. At first, you felt guilty for not getting him something to numb the pain before getting started, but you were feeling pretty sure he'd snagged something before he got here.

You stopped counting the cotton balls you had to use to finish cleaning him up. The scent of blood hung thick in the air, radiating from the used cotton balls in the wastebasket, the bedsheets, and his ruined shirt, and you knew your fingers probably wrecked his blood, too.

But at last, he was cleaned, the bleeding stopped, all there was left to do was tape the gauze over the wound, and you'd be all done. As you suspected, you had to tape no less than 4 gauze pads together to fully cover the injury. The hardest part was over; all you had to do now was pat dry the rest of the water from his chest. You almost thought he'd fallen asleep, startling slightly when you heard him speak, "You find Virgil yet?"

So much for seeing him calm, "Sorry, I haven't."

"Figures." And just like that, he was pissed again.

As you pat the last section of his abdomen dry, you immediately retracted your hands, wringing them anxiously as you took a few steps back from the bed. "I have found a couple leads, though! It's not much, but I was exchanging messages with some other mercenary groups and-"

In the blink of an eye, he was propped upright on his elbow, leaning to the side to glare at you. He was pissed, but you could tell he was still hurting pretty bad as he balled his hands into fists, forcing himself to stand his ground and show no weakness, "Other mercenary groups? And what the hell are you trying to contact them for? You gonna abandon the team, too?"

"No! Of course not! I just thought maybe if more people were looking for Virgil, we might have a better shot of tracking him down, you know?" If you had any idea you could set him off so quickly, you'd never opened your mouth in the first place, and you knew backtracking like this was getting you nowhere. Once he decided he was mad at you, that was it. He had a short fuse with a hell of a fiery temper.

"You need other people to do your damn job for you? Is that it? Can't you do anything right yourself?"

You were too scared to get any closer to the bed, but you tried to keep your voice level as though it would be enough to convince him you weren't frightened. "Cheavy, will you please lay down, your wound will open up again. All I did was ask around if anyone's seen him recently- that's all. No one is doing my job for me."

His eyes narrowed, "No if you could do your damn job, he wouldn't be missing!"

You opened your mouth to speak, but he was acting so vicious, taking all his aggression out on you, knowing you couldn't do a thing to defend yourself. "Just let him get it out of his system. He'll want to be back in his own bed eventually." You thought, swallowing the lump in your throat, you muttered, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Well, thank God for that." He shifted in bed, laying down on his back, gritting his teeth, "Is this gonna hold up tomorrow in battle?"

You stared at the white patch of gauze and tape at his side, suddenly feeling quite meek, ashamed a patch job was the best you could do, as though this was your responsibility in the first place. "It's not perfect, but so long as you don't overexert yourself, you'll be all set soon."

He almost laughed, "We're losing men left and right, and you think I have the choice not to overexert myself? Is that the best you can do?"

At this point, you could tell Cheavy was just being cruel, he wanted you to feel small and humiliated, and it was working, and you could already feel the sting of tears in the corners of your eyes, "You think it's my fault our men are going missing?"

"Is it not your job to find them? You expect me to believe you've been corresponding with all these other mercenary groups, and what do you have to show for it? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were looking to follow Virgil and Medic out the door."

You opened your mouth to speak, but before you could, he interrupted, "I want to see the correspondence, all of it. If you're so innocent, surely you got nothing to hide, right?"

You felt your stomach drop, "I don't have it… I didn't hear anything promising back… I didn't keep any records."

His voice lowered, "How convenient."

"Cheavy, I know this looks bad, but you must believe me! I would never abandon the team!"

With that sinister, low voice, Cheavy spoke again, "You're nothing without loyalty. I hope you aren't dumb enough to forget something so obvious."

"Cheavy, I'm not going anywhere, for God's sake, you're paranoid."

"So I'm just an idiot then? Is that it?"

"That's not what I said! Of course, I'm loyal to you- to the entire team!" It was getting harder and harder to keep the tears down. God, you hated dealing with him when he was in a bad mood.

"Forget about them. You're nothing without me- you know that, right? You're only alive now because you're useful- and if you double cross me- bitch, you're dead." He was absolutely seething. "Get over here. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you're innocent."

Your instincts told you to run and get out while you could, but something unnamable drew you closer: some subliminal obedience. Pacing closer, you stood an arm's length from the bed, "I-I know, Cheavy, this looks bad… But you gotta believe me, I'm on your side! I've always been on your side!"

A chill ran up your spine as he grinned up at you; the sight of a smile on his face was beyond unnatural. "You women love saying that shit, don't you? But I know how it is, you bitches think you're so clever, so charming. You look for the strongest guy to leech off of and hide behind. But the second you see someone else- it's all over. I know your type. You don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself!"

"It's not like that, Cheavy! It's not like that at all!" It made too much sense listening to Cheavy exposing such sexism.

"Must be nice, huh? Leaving all the real work for the men while you get to take it easy?"

After the day of stress you just suffered, that comment stung, but he didn't give you a chance to respond or defend yourself. "You can't track down a few runaways- you can hardly patch up a wound. I can't even trust you alone for one day without me!"

"I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry everything's going wrong… but please, I don't know what more you want from me!"

"Don't play dumb bitch, you know why I came here." He couldn't be serious. He just called you worthless and detestable. How could he possibly want you after all that? But the look across his face told you he was dead serious.

"No, Cheavy- please, not like this. God, anything but that." Just thinking about him taking his aggression out on you verbally was enough, but the thought of him doing it physically was so much worse.

"Do you need me to spell it out for you because you've got one choice here. You can get on the bed and fucking earn your place here for once, or I'll snap your neck."

Cheavy had been nothing but cold, abrasive, and blunt working with you, and while he was still a man with needs like any other, the idea of someone like himself considering taking mercy on you, even just to use your body, confounded you.

You felt your blood turn to ice in your veins, "You wouldn't…"

Cheavy watched the color drain from your face with an odd expression somewhere between hatred and amusement. "I wouldn't? Killing you wouldn't cost me a damn thing."

While you wanted to resist, to argue your way out of the situation, the words died in your throat before you could say a thing. It was impossible to tell what he wanted more, to kill or fuck. Cheavy watched from the bed with sadistic pleasure, watching your confidence crumble like he could smell your fear. Staring at you more like a wild animal than a human.

"How can I trust you not to kill me once I give you what you want?" You were past resistance at this point; you knew what was about to happen, and he knew it, too.

"You can't. Now c'mere. I want you to prove you belong." Cheavy was past shouting at you. He knew he'd won. Now he was cold and still, expecting you to be the one to make the next move. You were too terrified to even try to come off as sexy. The most you could offer was compliance. Slinking into the bed, crawling in from the foot of the bed before padding over silently, sliding into place between his body and the wall, laying on your side. He took up so much space in the bed that you felt like you had no choice but to cower to fit.

Stilling momentarily as though waiting for an order, you realized it was your job to turn him on tonight. Looking directly at his lips, you reached over, cupping the side of his face with your palm, smoothing your thumb over the stubble. "So far, so good. Maybe he wants me to act scared?" You thought to yourself. That sounded like something he would want from you. Starting slow was your safest bet.

Leaning your face closer to his, you closed the distance between your lips, pecking him shyly as he followed your slow pace. While he lay flat on his back, you found his hand with yours, cradling it between both hands, rubbing the toughened skin with your thumbs, warming them slightly. His other hand found the back of your neck, pushing your head closer to deepen the kiss, to which you complied, allowing his tongue to slip into your mouth, his teeth grazing against your lips.

It was a bit of an awkward position, having to lay on your side, one arm caressing the side of his face, one leg wrapped over his, while Cheavy laid on his back, forcing you to crawl closer. He was trying to urge you to keep going, but you were too nervous to get too close, terrified of accidentally pressing against his fresh injury.

Cheavy, on the other hand, wasn't so cautious, "Get on top."

It took you some time until you were properly situated, shifting from his side to between his legs, straddling his waist, leaning forward carefully, avoiding his abdomen as much as possible. Once you were within arms reach, his hands were at your waist, trying to pull your body even closer with a hardly concealed neediness. You complied, kissing him, cupping his cheeks with your hands, pulling apart briefly to whisper, "Cheavy, you gotta take it easy. Your wound could split back open."

He grinned, "So what? You'll still be here to patch it up for me, right?"

You weren't sure if he was making a joke or if he wanted an honest answer. Trying to acquiesce to either demand, your face softened, and you nodded, your thumb slid over his lip as you continued to stroke his face, "Right."

"Good girl." You weren't sure what caught you more by surprise, the use of a pet name or the feeling of his right hand groping against your ass through your sweatpants. You allowed Cheavy another open-mouthed kiss, feeling him suck your lower lip between his teeth, nibbling it in an almost playful manner.

When you first laid hands on him earlier in the evening, his skin was cold to the touch, but now he felt so warm beneath your chest and between your thighs. And you could feel his legs spreading further as you finally felt comfortable enough to press your body against his broad chest. "Take your top off, I wanna watch."

He watched with lazy half-lid eyes as you nodded, pulling away enough to hook your fingers under the hem of your tank top, feeling a questionable arousal as you pulled the thin fabric away, now looming bare-chested just a breath away. You watched as he slid his massive hands up the length of your torso, groaning in pleasure at the feeling of precious, soft skin underneath his fingertips. The warm feeling deep in the base of your stomach increased when his hands reached your tits, wasting no time before kneading them with his palms, watching the fatty tissue squish between his fingers. "Come closer."

Bracing your weight on your elbows on either side of his head, you nuzzled against the side of his head as his hands squeezed just a bit tighter. For a split-second, you almost wondered if he would be gentler than you expected until you felt him grind his thumb harshly against your nipple, making you yelp and fruitlessly try to arch away from his hands.

"Does that hurt?"

"Yeah!" Before you could try to pull away again, you felt Heavy's face separate from yours before biting down on the side of your neck, no doubt drawing blood as he did so. You hardly had time to react to the pain when you felt your body moving without your control. Cheavy detached from your tits to dig his fingernails against your back, forcing your body to flatten against his own, his lower body grinding his semi-erection against your limp body. The pain began to dwarf your rising fear as your arms and legs began to flap and push against Cheavy uselessly in resistance.

Cheavy was moving so fast, but you felt too weak and helpless to stop him as he greedily continued to bite and suckle against your sensitive neck. You had to force your head from the mattress; it was getting too hard to breathe, and you could feel yourself beginning to breathe rapidly, your heart beating so fast, making it impossible to think.

You could feel Cheavy disconnect from your neck, and you winced, keeping your eyes shut in fear of feeling him lash out again. Instead, he stilled, keeping your trembling body forcefully close to his own, "God, you're sexy when you cry." Confused, you blinked your eyes open, only then registering the tears clinging to your lashes. Instinctively, you moved your hands to brush them away, but Cheavy shook his head, giving you an odd look, which you interpreted as him telling you to stop. Laying your hands back down, he used his grip on your back to push you forward, but rather than forcing you into another deep kiss, his tongue slid out, flicking against your cheeks, the weird feeling making you shut your eyes as he continued to lap up your tears, kissing your eyelid when he was finished.

"You feel so good when you're mine."

Cheavy released you from his hold, allowing you to push away slightly, wondering what he wanted next.

"Take the rest of your clothes off. Mine too." You complied. Kicking off your bottoms and underwear at once, followed by your socks, before turning your attention to his heavy-duty work pants, visibly strained by his erection. Settling between his legs, your hands found his belt, undoing the clasp and top button. Cheavy sighed with relief at the feeling of the zipper finally coming undone, the erotic sounds distracting you momentarily before you turned your attention back to your task.

He moved with you, helping you pull his pants down and off before your fingers found the waistband of his boxers. The sight of his tented clothing distracted you and forced you to acknowledge that once this last bit of fabric was gone, there would be nothing separating your bodies. Rather than pulling them down as quickly as you'd done to his pants, you curiously palmed over the swell, making him hiss between grit teeth. He was obviously impatient, but he didn't tell you to stop.

Partially to delay the inevitable, partially out of curiosity, you traced the outline of his bulge with your finger, dipping lower, feeling the shape of his balls between his spread legs. Even with feather-light touches, Cheavy reacted with vigor, bucking upwards as though it would do anything to satisfy him.

"C'mon, quit messing around already!" He ordered, no longer looking at you. His head had rolled back while you were playing with him, and he was still facing upwards when he spoke. Sighing through your nose, you complied, using both hands to fully undress him before forcing yourself to crawl back on top.

"You're so eager." You didn't think anything of your words but felt unnerved when he smiled in response, "And it's all your fault." You stiffened over his massive body, shutting your eyes, half-expecting him to just force his way inside of you, but to your surprise, you heard him spitting, followed by the feeling of two thick fingers tapping at the outer edge of your sex. The unexpectedness surprised you, making you gasp and look down at what he was doing. Teasing you, forcing you to get a feel for him as he dragged his fingers against you, making you throb against nothing.

"That's my girl, don't fight it. Just let it happen." It was easier to handle the situation with your eyes closed, not having to look at the loathsome man while he violated you. Resting your forehead on his shoulder, you felt your hips stirred to movement, trying to match his slow rhythm, hitching up anytime you felt him brushing against your clit. His fingers, already wet with his spit, gathered more wetness as he slipped inside you, making you groan as you were forced to stretch against his fingers.

You tried to catch your breath when he eventually retracted his fingers, smearing the lubrication against his cock. It was just a trace of your warmth, but the promise of the real thing so close had him rock-hard and aligned right where he needed to be, getting a good grip on your hips to ensure you wouldn't try to squirm away. He pushed his head inside, going mercifully slow, allowing you time to adjust to his size before going further. "Does it feel good? Does it feel good to feel my cock inside you while I hold you down?"

It did, it shouldn't have, but it did. You realized Cheavy wasn't going to move until you responded, and you forced yourself to croak out, "It's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Is that so?" Was all the warning you got from him before he pushed deeper inside you, forcing you to keep stretching around his shaft. It hurt as you expected, but something about how he held you down and teased you had you wet, silently begging him to go even deeper.

By the time he bottomed out inside, you were shaking like a leaf against Cheavy, who relished in your fear in the way he would force you to behave so well for him. "Good thing I got here before you ran away." He snickered to himself before snapping his hips against yours, watching your body tense, your hands gripping much harder against his shoulders than you intended.

You whimpered, "Cheavy, I'd never abandon the team, you know that- You know I'll be here forever!" Whether it was listening to you whimpering, sounding so pathetic, or the line, "here forever," something about what you said set him off. Making him grunt in satisfaction, continuing to grind against you.

"Forever?" His voice was a bit deeper now, making you shudder.

"Forever! On your side, I swear!" He must've been much more pent up than you realized because he was hammering into you with reckless abandon, already turned on and wanting more. Rather than responding to your words, he sort of grunted in approval. He was too close to climaxing to bother with complete sentences. His eyes were shut, his face tense with anticipation, both hands on the swell of your ass, forcing you to grind against him as he continued to pound inside, treating you like nothing but a piece of meat for him to tear into. He was all lust and no love, fucking like an animal. All his blood was rushing south; you knew the moment he could think clearly, he'd be done with you.

You should've been revolted. Cheavy hated your guts and saw you as nothing but a body. But how could you remember all that when it felt so good to feel his cock stretching you out, feeling his sweat mixing with your own, his hands pushing you forward until your clit ground against his lower belly. No doubt he could feel you were getting off on being rough-handled like this. You could even hear the sound of your own slick mixing with his spit and precum between thrusts.

Between heavy, labored breathing, you pushed your face right up against his to moan in his ear, "I'm yours; I'm all yours." Almost as soon as the words left your mouth, you gasped before gritting your teeth in pain as Cheavy thrust all the way inside you, coming as deep inside as he could, accidentally clawing at your rear as he mindlessly forced you forward. The brutalism made you lightheaded, feeling so weak and broken down in his arms.

After a few more agonizing seconds, you felt his hands slip from your hips, sliding down your thighs, kneading his fingertips gently into the flesh of your outer thighs, allowing you to disconnect, feeling traces of him clinging and running between your thighs, making you sick. Obviously, he expected you to share the bed with him and wouldn't take kindly to you leaving to get cleaned up. It's not like you had anywhere else to go anyway. The best you could do was dabbing at the mess with a sheet, trying not to think about how filthy it made you feel. The sheets were likely stained with cum and blood, just like you.

Slotting yourself back into place beside him, facing the wall, you felt a hairy arm wrap around your upper body, pulling you possessively into Cheavy's chest. He'd taken the liberty of turning off the bedside lamp, allowing a merciful darkness to settle over the room.

Without turning your head to speak to him, you whispered, "You believe me now, don't you?"

Cheavy kissed the top of your head, pulling you closer, "We'll see. You've earned your stay here, but just for tonight."

You couldn't help but moan under your breath, somehow feeling even more broken down, "I don't understand- for God's sake, Cheavy! I've done all you've asked of me! What more do you want from me!?"

"Until we find where our real Medic went- you're gonna fill in for him." He sounded tired, almost bored, as though he'd come to this decision before even showing up.

You had to bite your lower lip to try and keep as quiet as you could, to keep from crying out loud and irritating him, "But I don't know how-"

"Then you'd better learn fast." Whatever reservations you had were clearly of no concern to him. As far as Cheavy cared, the decision was made. He'd gotten what he wanted and was due for some much needed rest.

How desperately you wished you could just roll over and let sleep take you like he could, but as you lay frozen in place, your mind racing, imagining yourself forced to follow the team into battle, risking your own skin to protect the man you hated more than anyone.

Cheavy leaned down slightly to breathe in your ear before tucking your head under his chin and drifting off, "And if you ever try to go behind my back again, I'll blow your damn head off."

#anonymous #x reader #yandere #self ship #request #tf2 x reader #tf2 heavy classic x reader #afab reader #yandere team fortress 2 x reader #team fortress 2 x reader #yandere x you #possessiveness #boss x employee #degredation kink #rough #dubcon #yandere x reader #yandere tf2 #yandere team fortress 2

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greghatecrimes · 7 months

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I like you and i don't think you're a bad person but I feel like you don't understand Thirteen as a character, you seem to idolize the hollow caricature of her you've created that allows you to insert yourself inside. I'm telling you, you don't need to look like Olivia Wilde to talk about your passions and interests!

You don't have to attribute these things to a fictional person, you can let go of the mask and just be truly you! I promise you will find a new appreciation for Thirteen, and more importantly yourself. I wish you all the peace and love in the world, and I hope my words help you find yourself. Take care 💖

Wow, this was so enlightening for me about my insecurities and the inner workings of my psyche! Even more than five years of therapy, EMDR, and an entire psychology degree!! Anon, I’m assuming you’re the same person that sent me the ask I answered this morning. I see now that I assumed wrongly when I answered that ask under the belief that it was just genuine curiosity. The huge irony here is that I’ve grown a lot over the past five years, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how I’m in a place now where I’m perfectly happy to be who I am, to love what I love, to be unapologetically me. As a follower of my sideblog on tumblr (not even my main blog!!!) you’re only seeing a tiny portion of who I really am as a person (because I KNOW you’re not someone that knows me in real life). Having said that, it certainly takes a HELL of a lot of audacity to come into MY inbox and tell me on anon that you think you know me and my insecurities and how I think about Thirteen better than I know all of those things about myself.

This is actually HILARIOUS to me, because I WISH the things I “hide behind a character”, as you would say, were as simple as passions and interests. When I was talking about attributing emotions to fictional characters, I didn’t mean silly things like the fact that I like video games, or being a cat person, or even deeper things like being autistic/ADHD (which I 100% admit, when I headcanon the House characters as neurodivergent, that is me projecting because I wish we had more ND representation in media. And you know what? PROJECTION IS OKAY. this is TUMBLR. I reblog fucking pony versions of my favorite characters! I write crack headcanons! Bestie, I’m just trying to de-stress on this blog. 95% of the stuff I post here is not as serious as you’re trying to make it.) Here’s the short version of my REAL “insecurities that I project into a hollow caricature of Thirteen” for you: I grew up being abused. I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to have any needs. Ever. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder and my life is a mess. My life kind of sucked for the first 21 years and guess what? It still kind of sucks right now! I write and think about Thirteen processing trauma she might have faced in her life because it’s cathartic to me as someone who is healing from their own trauma, and to help myself cope with living in an actively stressful/shitty environment. (And guess what? It's a clinically approved coping mechanism. I highly doubt my therapist of five years would let me invest so much time and effort and emotion into a hollow caricature of a person that leads me to lose sight of who I really am!)

This is fanfiction and tumblr headcanons, not a published writing gig. You clearly care too much about my characterization of Thirteen aligning with yours, and unfortunately for you, I don’t. I write what I write because I want to read it. If you want to write her a certain way, no one’s stopping you! Make your own tumblr posts! Write your own damn fanfics! I’m not the authority on Thirteen and I’ve never pretended to be. If you don’t like anything about my characterization of Thirteen, then fucking move on. I’ve put way too much time and effort into giving everyone in my life the benefit of the doubt and striving to be the bigger person, to be the nicest person. And you know what? I’ve spent my entire life being ashamed of what I think and doubting everything I feel. I’ve already got five years and counting of working to undo that damage. I’m not about to let an anon on tumblr make me feel the same shame and doubt about my thoughts and writing for one of my favorite characters.

#ask #anon #goodnight. i am logging off for the night and if anyone needs me you can reach me on discord

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ringomess · 6 months

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another day another rant

i’m a bit sad today. i feel better now but today in class we were working in groups and the task was really stressful and complicated. and also the environment we were in was really noisy and overwhelming. me and more people weren’t feeling great. understandable.

but then we had a break because the tension was really noticeable so the teacher gave us a little break. and at that point i was feeling really overwhelmed, anxious and overthinking. i was on the verge of tears. and no one noticed or no one cared to comfort me. when there were people comforting other people that were also not feeling great.

i started spiraling because, why don’t i deserve that treatment? why i feel like people don’t like me? and i just don’t understand. what am i doing that makes people liking me less? not wanting to comfort me? not caring about me? i genuinely don’t understand. i approach people all the time, make conversation, smile at people, and it still feels like i’m not included. i can’t do more? i’m doing everything i can to be included in class and get along to everyone. i’m really making an effort to take the first step to talk to people and have conversations. so why??? why people care less about me than other classmates???

and why does this story repeat every. single. time. everywhere i go is this, i don’t feel included even if i try my hardest, i feel like people don’t want to approach me. i think i’m nice? i think i’m funny? people laugh when they talk with me. they don’t look uncomfortable either. so why no one approaches me first???? i really don’t get it.

i can feel it. i can feel how i’m not as close to everyone, but i just don’t understand why. why are they closer to each other but not me, what am i missing? what am i lacking? and how does this happen in every social group of my life???

and idk… i’m not the only adhd person in class. and the rest seem to be doing just fine really. i don’t think it’s because they’re neurotypicals and they just their thing. because not everyone is nt and the other nd people doesn’t seem to be struggling as i am (but also, i’m assuming… idk if they’re struggling)

anyways im so tired. the only person who made me feel better is my flatmate, which actually makes me feel liked and like she wants my company.

#another day wondering #am i autistic #when i think i don’t relate to autism then i have a day like this #bof anyways #personal #rant #neurodivergence

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confessions-official · 2 months

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Tw ed and possible depression?

I feel sick when I think about if I'm depressed or not. I dont like using that word, I havent earned it. I have a loving family and the best girlfriend in the world. I dont wanna die, I just dont wanna exist. I dont wanna do anything except smoke weed, Which helps things not seem so dim. It makes me feel less. Bored I guess. I sont wanna do anything. I dont wanna game, I dont wanna talk to my family, I dont wanna talk to my friends, I dont wanna talk to my girlfriend, I dont wanna draw, I dont wanna do my work, I dont wanna get out of bed. But I do. I know people who are depressed who cant make themself gwt out of bed.

I feel like a faker. I cant tell anyone I feel this way because it'd be unnecessary burden to them, And their lives are already hard enough without me adding to it. I don't want to tell anyone the bad stuff because then they'd think the same way, But mt life isnt even that bad. Its hard to say or send anything because my body just. Doesnt let me. I'll be trying to post a silent cry for help and automatically exit out and cancel the post. I'll write it all up and instead of hitting send I delete it all.

I dont even eat half the time anymore. I wait until its unbearable and affecting me to eat. I used to tell my gf because when she tells me to eat I do, But I stopped. I dont wanna bother her. Nobody notices either, Since in our house we usually only eat dinner together, And that's if my dad doesnt have to work. He leaves at 3 o'clock every day so its not like he can see if I'm eating or not.

Im doing better in school now, I was trying but. Now I'm not. It doesnt matter though. I dont even remember what grade I'm in. Being homeschooled means I never have to see or speak to anyone. Its what I wanted anyways. Less work. Less hours. Less effort lower goals yet higher outcomes. I had 3 F's almost constantly in school, Now I only have one, And the rest are A's and B's.

Its easy when you can search anything and everything up. If I have an essay I read the wiki page for whatever its about and I've only gotten 100%'s in english so far. My overall grade is a 100% for english actually

I just dont understand. I dont hate myself do I? I thought i finally loved myself. I thought i finally fixed it i fixed myself i was finally better i was normal. Theres no reaskn i should be feeling so desprately lost and so alone nd so. Sad

I'm sorry. I know this isnt the blog for this, I know this is for confessions but this is the only place I can say any of this. I couldnt tell anyone in my life that I dont wanna exist, Or that I think my brain snapped, Or that I have serious problems. I hate this. I just want someone to know and care. I just want someone to notice something is wrong. Itd make it so much fucking easier if I coulrnt jide behind the lie of 'im okay'

#confession #suicide #eating disorder

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spoonyglitteraunt · 10 months

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So I'm idly scrolling a fandom tag, as you do when tired and bored, and I come across a post asking opinions on how people felt something in canon was handled. To which I shrug and go, I've got time to reblog and have some short thoughts to add in tags. Short being definitely in my dictionary. Right after utterly incapable of.

So I start adding some tags. And then add some more. Delete a few because staying on topic is definitely another word in that same dictionary. And after another ten minutes of typing I give up on the pretence that this will fit in the tags and make it a reblog.

Some more time and text gets added to the total and I eventually have what feels like a decent and nuanced enough reply. Explaining my thoughts while trying to fight the ND urge to add all the asides and clarifications.

I nod in a yup that sure is a post I didn't spend too much time and effort on manner and go to hit the blue button of no take-backsies. But just before I do something in what I can only explain as my fandom drama senses starts a-tingling. So I decide to go take a quick look at the OP.

What I find is a blog full of Takes™️ about said fandom and the characters.

Now I'm very big on everyone likes and dislikes different things. And we all bring our own unique lenses and backstories to each piece of media we encounter. So what works for one does not for another. Just because someone hates a thing you like or likes a thing you hate doesn't make either of you wrong. And can in fact be a basis for some incredibly interesting conversations if all parties are open to that. Open being the operative word there.

But if every take is along the lines of this element/character did a Problematic. In the one single media. No other fandoms or interests in recent sight. Nothing good to be mentioned. Just long post after long post explaining the terrible no good extremely bad things it did. In a manner that reads very much like unprocessed trauma made this piece of fiction highly uncomfortable to me and now I have to tell everyone how Toxic it is and put things in absolutes. If others don't feel read it in this exact way, and agree this causes direct real life harm just for existing, they are downplaying Toxic thing and highly suspect.

Then I don't think you want actual opinions. You want people confirming your opinion is right and just and the only sane one that matters. not an emotional response you can't (yet) control or always prevent And I think it might be better to put down the Problematic Media and go do something that makes you happy instead.

So yeah. Suffice it to say, the totally not too long side tangenty thoughts will be added to the bin instead of a reblog. No disguised hornets nests for me thanks.

#late night musings

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fierceawakening · 11 months

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It’s interesting. I started watching Dr. Ramani’s videos on narcissism because I wanted to get a full picture of how relationships between people with that PD actually look. I stopped because the whole tumblr thing about “there’s a cottage industry demonizing NPD and it’s just about selling books by getting you to think of everyone around you as evil” got into my head, so when she told one too many anecdotes about interacting with someone inconsiderate I went maybe this lady IS radicalizing me.

But having labeled my moms behavior toward me as selfish and as not sufficiently reciprocal (hell, having OTHER ND PEOPLE SAYING LACK OF RECIPROCITY IS BAD AND IT ISNT JUST ME BEING TOO NEUROTYPICAL TO COPE I swear to god thank you all so so so so much), I took the plunge and decided to look back at her vids, running the risk of being brainwashed into buying her book (I have never bought anything from her just watched her vids fwiw)

And man I feel seen.

She did this whole thing where she talked about breadcrumbs, basically the idea that a narcissistic person has deficits in maintaining intimacy (as in close relationships not sexual ones necessarily) and that this is A FAILURE OF RECIPROCITY. That the other party puts effort and time into considering and finding ways to meet the needs of the more narcissistic one, but the narcissist sees this as a waste of time and so never meets you halfway.

HELLO.

Then she said that what the more narcissistic person in the relationship will do is occasionally give “breadcrumbs”—small moments of consideration. To the other person this feels utterly enrapturing. If you’re starving the worst bite of food you ever have practically gets you high!

And I realized this is the thing with my mother. I want and ask for a reciprocal relationship; she insists we already have one and I’m greedy. I feel guilty, but it doesn’t address the actual thing I am asking for. It’s just over and over a reason i better learn to make do.

And then I’d go on tumblr and read all these posts about how empathy is a silly accessory and no one should ask for it. Just be happy if they get it, as a bonus.

And I’d try to talk about reciprocity in relationships and I’d get the same kind of “is that even a thing?” And feel both insecure and indignant.

At which point I’d say something stupid because I was emotional, and it would be proof I was wrong.

Just like how Dr. Ramani wanting to sell a book is… somehow… proof she’s lying for money, and not just proof that, uh, working is kind of a requirement under capitalism.

#meant to make this its own post

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its-me-vixen · 7 months

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It feels crazy how getting better mentally has also pushed me into experiencing new depths of lows... I'm doing better overall now, but there was a while there spurred on by an irresponsible doctor prescribing me something that made every single issue I had worse and not responding to my calls where I experienced the deepest depression I've ever felt. All my issues were being exposed to the root, and I could either keep suffering or acknowledge them and put in the work to be better. I got the closest I've come to ending it, I have some new permanent scars.

But I've put a lot of hard work into myself. Those new depths helped me identify a lot of root issues that I'm working on every day. I'm practicing taking accountability, not just when I have an episode and I'm screaming and sobbing, but also when I do something small that could easily be brushed off. It's not simple, and it's taken years of trying different things, and I highly doubt I've found any permanent answers beyond just the simple fact that you NEED to try.

You need to think about the feelings of others around you, but also think of yourself. Sometimes what's best for one isn't the best for the other, but we have to make hard choices.

I see so many neurodivergent adults these days acting as if there's nothing they could ever do to be better. And they get in these echo chambers where you're told over and over again that you don't need to be better, everyone around you needs to get with your program. No one wants to challenge anything, no one encourages growth, or coping skills. God, it seems like every ND group these days keep parroting this idea that you are who you are, no matter how toxic or rude or cruel or callous, and there's nothing anyone could ever do to help you.

And I rejected help for a long time myself, as someone with a complicated mix of things going on in my head, but not everything is some big, life altering change. Sometimes it's just going against a compulsion one day when you have the energy to defy it, and then after that they compulsion has less power. I'm talking about my own experiences here, with daily tasks like sleeping on the "correct" side of the bed, or having to have my blanket turned the absolute correct way or I can't sleep at all.

I don't really know what my point here really was, but as someone with cPTSD, BPD, OCD, and ASD, I felt for so long like I couldn't be better. Like there was nothing I could ever do. But it turns out there are things I can do, little things, like distracting myself when intrusive thoughts come up instead of humoring them, or big things like putting the effort into finding a friend group that actually wants me around instead of just tolerating me.

There's always something you can do.

#mental health #bpd #ocd #cptsd #autism #asd #also like please let yourself grow up whatever that looks like for you #i have an apartment full of toys and watch cartoons and stuff but i also found a job i really love even if its just volunteer work #idk just like #if you only see negative there will never be anything positive to find

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madfantasy · 2 years

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So I went to the hospital, ER, cuz I haven't been able to breathe or sit upright or do the minimum effort without feeling like fainting or puking, for over a week, heh.

It happened suddenly when my guardians were yelling about something and me yelling back of not having coffee when I felt so lightheaded and dropped on the couch..

I'm getting better now, they checked my vitals and told me everything is normal and asked me if I wanted this contraption on my face, which I said ye..?

The three severe social anxiety induced panic attacks before going really were worth it huh.. my guardian promised they'll be with me just then I agreed to go, only for them to drop me at the gates and drive off to park and the nurse at the reception plucked me to register and prevented anyone from coming with me but my younger sib.. I had to do the talking and everything I dreaded by myself, yet again.. ofc half the time I didn't know what she was saying and I only guessed what she wanted. Ofc x2 with my freakish smile plastered on my face unable to change it or realized I was till my sib took pics of me, instead of idk looking sickly I was smiling .. I hate it so much.. I hate to look like the ppl pleaser I am..

Coming back it was nice, guardians stopped yelling and cussing around me, checked on me, treated me nicely in ways I never felt before, got me pizza.. they still managed to "calmly" ask me to change my outfit, ya know, the thing i wear below the cloak that no one can see, which I did half consciously..

I think I was worrying over the limits and the fighting didn't help, I has zero capacity. Also, us being in this nice uncomfortable house, rented for 6 months, that we can't afford to pay again and all. Nd me feeling I'm not producing enough art, or not getting enough commissions to make a difference, barely enough to just pay for shi for myself.. feeling there's no more joy in this life as it seems only to get worse everywhere, saddening me to no end..

but I'm trying to relax..

I've closed my commissions nd spent my last buck on some plush fabric so I can make a plushie, the next joy source I have besides drawing, cuz I need to rest from it too, body tens from my face, to my ribs.. whatever happen happen

Spending time in bed, playing random shi with sibs

Coming here, reading your messages nd inbox made me well up in tears, thank u so much for your words, you have no idea how it means to me and its effects of making me feel alive nd hopeful nd knowing I'm not alone

I wish you all the best my dears, love u lots 💛🙏🫂 ..

5.7.2022, 8 p.m. in bed prompted to cry all bottled tears heh

#text #personal #drawing journey

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anomalouscorvid · 1 year

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a while ago i saw a post talking about how "oh talking to nd people and infodumping is way better because with us we can go along with listening to the infodump because we know we'll get our turn to infodump later" and like. do people actually think that? like, viewing someone else infodumping as purely something to go along with so that you yourself can infodump afterwards. not even showing any actual interest in what they're saying despite encouraging infodumping?

like, when i'm in that sort of conversation, i'm not pretending to listen just so i can talk at you later, i'm actually, y'know, interested in listening to information and then sharing my own. it's the sharing and receiving of information that i find to be the entire appeal of an infodumping conversation and you're telling me others aren't like that at all? (there have also been times before when i've been randomly asked to infodump about a topic when i'm in distress and the other person is clearly just. trying to make me feel better and isn't actually interested in any of the information at all or making an effort to listen. like oh ok you don't seem to be getting at all what i like about being able to talk about my interests)

i guess what i'm saying is. you don't have to actually understand/be properly interested in everything i ramble about. but why would you claim to want to know about it if you actually aren't interested at all

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patrocles · 1 year

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hey!!! first of all i wanted to say that your alysmond fics are superb, your writing is great nd i’ll definitely stay tuned if you write anything else <3 secondly i know hotd discourse is dying (thankfully) but i wanted to hear how you think the show will handle aemond and alicent’s relationship, with the way they built up aemond’s character and the fact that he sort of “leaves her” in kl (at least that’s how many ppl interpret it, i’ve read f&b a while ago). would love to hear your insight on this

omg thank you so so much!!! i really love writing for them. the fic i'm currently working on is giving me such a headache in trying to pull together, so i may just scrap it and write this quick AU i've had rocking around for a while (if lyonel brought alys to KL with larys and harwin, but with alys and aemond closer in age) SO STAY TUNED

thank you for the question!

this is going to be very interesting to see on screen. i don't necessarily see it as him Leaving alicent, but trying to accomplish something to 'fix' things. if in s2, he sort of has these issues of internalizing guilt for "starting the war", that could definitely cause a bit of tension between the two of them.

like it's difficult, right, because alicent really wanted to fix things with rhaenyra and this was the last ditch effort. after luke's death, that's definitely not going to happen. and i can't see her directly blaming aemond, but there's definitely that undercurrent of resentment i can definitely see coming between them. aemond won't have the FULL context of everything between his mother and rhaenyra, and i could see that adding to his internalization of full responsibility-- especially since we've already established his strong sense of duty to his family.

i think in pure ASOIAF tradition, things being left Unsaid, the "we'll talk, when i return", the unfulfilled promise of things being better later, will definitely happen between aemond and alicent and it will be SO TRAGIC. i know we joke about aemond being terrified of his mommy being mad at him, but i do think that's something that will really affect him! and like sure people can be quippy in their oedipal jokes, but i do think it's a really underscoring just how devastating it could be for aemond SPECIFICALLY to lose his mother's emotional support, or feel like a failure in her eyes. she's been his only parent, his primary support system. and he's prided himself on being The Reliable One for her as well.

so i think he's going to leave KL around the end of s2. and when he does, i can see their relationship being back kinda on the mend with him promising to win the war and return everything to how it was and fix things. and thing is, alicent love her kids so much, she was never really mad at HIM, so much as she was mad at the situation. but its the tragic lack of these people being able to really talk to each other that makes it hard for them to have that conversation, or for her to truly be able to convey that he never lost her love (even if that's how it felt for him).

and i think what will be really interesting, and telling of alicent's dedication to aemond, and her belief in him if they keep the scene where she tells rhaenyra that aemond will come back and save her. it's choosing her faith in aemond and her love for her son outweighing any possibility of reconciliation with rhaenyra because of course that's what matters most. but of course aemond could never really know any of that, and fact is he very well may die still believing that he was a disappointment to her. he wasn't able to keep the promise he made her.

when you think about The Dance and think about the saddest possible outcomes, its not just about gruesome deaths, its really about things like this right. relationships that are never able to be fixed, things that are forever left unsaid. families torn apart because a pointless war and realizing that pointlessness too late.

AND NOW I AM SAD

the best part is that olivia and ewan are going to devour every scene they share together and i cannot wait

#alicent hightower #aemond targaryen #asoiaf #anon #asoiaf ask

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queermatters · 10 months

Text

On being queer and neurodivergent: Isolation and marginalisation

I'm an autistic, non binary pansexual in my mid 20s, and I'm beginning to come out in all aspects of my life.

One of the things I was really looking forward to with "completely" coming out, was not having to hold back from building community. I was excited to enter queer spaces as me, and not having to worry about keeping it secret or hiding the before or after. But most of all, I was looking forward to building queer community.

When I discovered I was queer, from the outside looking in, I saw all these queer people with incredible friendships and relationships. I longed for those deep, loving connection. That deep sense of camaraderie and solidarity between people. The physical affection, mutual understanding, empathy and love.

But I've very quickly found that gaining those sorts of connections isn't quite as straight forward as you might think. As an autistic introverted person (with many other parts of the ND experience), I experience a lot of compound discrimination. I experience constant exclusion and lack of care and understanding in my university course, spending my spoons battling to get an equal and fair education. By the time I've had to deal with the ableism, the day to day exhaustion of being in an NT world as an ND person, and the general hostile environment for queer folk at the moment, I'm left with little energy to push myself to socialise.

To make it worse, accessing queer spaces as an introverted and neurodivergent person has been a challenge. Many of them are geared toward cis people, many revolve around drinking. Even trying to find my way in less "club like" spaces has not been straightforward and a lot of the time, I have felt excluded. Some spaces I've hung around in have had cliquey tendencies: all the quieter people gather in one corner of the room, with the louder people on the other side. To make things worse, neither side of the room seems to do a very good job of welcoming in a newer quiet person, to make them feel included, welcome and wanted in the space. Even more upsetting is who's been on the receiving end of such cliqueyness. Having spoken to a few people of color in these spaces, they've also felt the same, and it happens that a majority of those experiencing this behaviour in these spaces have been people of color.

This is particularly disappointing, because as queer people, we should know what its like to be excluded and marginalised, and we should be doing better to help those who are still finding their feet. This also has a further marginalising affect for those of us who experience compound discrimination. As a disabled transfemme, I've found this experience incredibly isolating. Being able to access IRL queer spaces is a vital tool for building strong support networks, to feel seen and to grow as a queer person. But unfortunately for me and many others, a lot of us feel cut off from our community.

This often leads those of us with those experiences to seek out connections elsewhere. Maybe we download a few dating apps to meet other queer people, be it in a romantic, sexual, platonic or a mixture of those contexts. On the one hand, meeting people online can be very accessible for those of us with low spoons, but on the other, it still poses an issue. Dating apps are famously fickle, and queer dating apps are generally no exception. Ghosting, no replies, limited matches depending on location, and one sided conversations all gradually gnaw away at morale and self esteem, leading to feelings of further isolation and marginalisation within our own community.

Using apps requires constant and consistent effort (to navigate the fickle nature/behaviours that they encourage), even more so with a smaller queer dating pool. For disabled people, or those of us with compound discrimination, this can be a very draining experience.

One of the most important things when we're navigating the world as a baby queer is building and maintaining good support networks. I fear that there are many people, especially those of us with multiple marginalised identities, navigate the world without such support networks. Through therapy, I've found that one thing that would make coming out less scary is stronger and better queer support networks. And here in lies the issue: the marginalised in our community can often experience inaccessible routes to coming out, or at the very least, roads to coming out which are fraught with isolation, pain and desolateness.

I'm being tenacious, I'm on many apps, I've been talking with my online friends about my profiles and getting feedback on them (mostly good, aside from maybe getting more full body shots!), and I continue to swipe, message and meet with people. Its taking a lot of time and effort (and self esteem hits, if we're being honest!), but I'm very very slowly starting to find new and cool people to connect with.

My experiences have been eye opening. Despite what a welcoming and inclusive community we can be, I've seen from both my perspective and others, how we ourselves are capable of leaving those of us behind with compounding issues. It hurts, because I want to have a flourishing love life, I want a fulfilling and nutritious social life with people who understand and accept me. But sometimes that feels so far out of reach, and I fear that many others with the same, differing or a mixture of marginalised identities experience the same or even worse.

Either way, for those of us experiencing this: I see you and I hope that you can find your special people soon. You don't have to feel hope, but please keep trying, we all deserve to have people we feel safe, secure and loved around.

#trans #transgender #queer #coming out #non binary #enby #gay #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #pride #lgbtq community #queer community #neurodivergent #actually autistic #autistic #bisexual #pansexual #transfemme

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