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deeswrld · 11 months

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Random astro observations

Some content is 18+

I’ve noticed people with Sagittarius/9H placements always seem to stand out in the field they pick or in some sort of way become pioneers. E.g. Jimi Hendrix was a Sag stellium and has a reputation of a guitar God for his innovative and crazy good guitar skills. Teena Marie (Sag moon) became a beloved non black R&B singer/artist at Motown. I just feel like Sag placements are just out here breaking barriers lol.

People with trining risings all have a certain similar look!!

E.g Most Air risings tend to have pointy chins and high cheekbones with prominent noses—I’ve noticed they always seem to have a prominent nose bridge even if it’s not that thin but it sorta gives them this Greek god/goddess look with their eyebrows slightly arching.

With water risings I’ve noticed Scorpio risings have a more reserved look in their eyes and all water risings have a somewhat oval shaped face. You can literally tell them by their eyes lol. Cancer risings have bambi eyes and Pisces risings have doll like watery eyes.

Now, I knew I started recognizing earth risings when I found Sarah Paulson to look like Adele.😭 Which further goes to prove the trining risings point I made previously.

I think I’ve stated this before but hear me out! Idk what the connection is but the moon sign also affects how you look!! I fr can’t stop guessing people’s moon signs at first glance.💀

Libra rising with 1H venus & mercury culture is constantly teasing others!! Wanting to be in a relationship yet wanting to be independent and having no problem breaking things off if they feel something’s not right.

Gemini risings with 10H suns have an INSANE bone structure/hot body!!! 😮‍💨🔥 Their arms & legs tend to be long! Legs tend to be skinny and thighs thick meanwhile their collarbones just stand out, overall they just have great bone structure! I’ve noticed this with myself & Irene Cara! 😩

I’d apply it to 10H suns in general but I haven’t looked into it as a collective thing yet.

11H Aries mercuries only speak what they think is true to them regardless of anybody’s opinion and I love how real they keep it, they’re also very humanitarian and speak up for groups/communities!

Pisces and Aquarius in the big 3 HATE boundaries. I’ve noticed this with myself and Axl Rose!😂 Ironically I’m Pisces sun-Aqua moon and he’s Aqua sun-Pisces moon.😛

I’ve noticed a pattern with people that have Aqua venus and mars and being aggressive…🥲

Taurus venus love soul/R&B music?

I’ve noticed some 10H Chiron people have trouble with work like, they might switch jobs often.

8H Chiron and having a phobia of being touched by anybody and for no reason too?

People who’s planets fall in your 9H might be the ones who you rarely see crying but are the first to try and cheer you up! You might also see them as arrogant or too blunt at times too especially if their mercury falls in your 9H!

People who’s planets fall in your 10H, you’ll see them as reserved and hardworking, they might like to give you stuff as a love language like share their food or they might like to invite you to go somewhere. Even though it might feel a little awkward at times, you both might get into deep conversations.

Not Gemini suns with Leo moons out here causing chaos then if somebody else asks them about it they’ll charmingly lie their way out of it and make it seem like it was the other person’s fault.😭😂

Scorpio mars lowkey live for toxic sex. ✋🏽 Some Scorpio mars & Aries mars I know, also secretly have a spanking kink??😛

If you have mars in somebody’s 1H they just won’t be able to contain themselves around you! You might sexually fantasize about them a LOT too. And you’ll find them hot down to the way they talk, their body language!!😮‍💨🔥

And if somebody’s mars falls in your 1H you’re prone to getting horny like 24/7 and it’ll feel like an intense and passionate connection! Sex might be like, ripping each other’s clothes off and one get thrown on the bed while the other dominates them and they both make out while grabbing each other—basically just not being able to keep your hands off of each other lmao. Also, having sex anywhere too and going for multiple rounds during the day!💀🔥

That also applies to Aries mars in composite too!⤴️⤴️

Pisces and Sagittarius suns—when they’re not at each other’s throats—actually make a good pair!❣️

Earth suns with Earth mars are so sensual and sexy😩😩😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨!!!

Having composite mars at Libra degree (7, 19) can indicate compliments and vanilla sex!😮‍💨

If somebody has their mars in your 7H, most likely they’ll be super possessive over you. 😭

If someone has their venus in your 7H then you’ll feel very comfortable with their love language or feel like you’ve found the one!💗

Sagittarius mars in composite is often grabbing thighs, giggles or soft laughter, a somewhat competitive energy and possessive aura.❣️Also, wanting to travel and explore new places together or talking about moving or including each other in future plans! Also, learning new things from each other or talking about subjects like geography/history and genealogy or about different cultures! You both could be from different backgrounds too or similar but one person is mixed, etc…

Also, when looking at appearance not only should we consider the rising but also the 7H! Say if you’re a Gemini rising; You might be able to build muscle easily or have long legs yet thick thighs because Sag falls in your 7H and Libra is also ruled by venus. Just like how Aries risings tend to have charming smiles and great bodies (7H falls in Libra), etc…

#deeswrld #astroblr #astro observations #astro community

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vigilskeep · 10 months

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re: circle mages barely remembering their home country. i imagine anders is very uncomfortable going to the anderfels. he barely remembers his own name. he jumps whenever somebody says "ander" or "anders." he's been using pseudonyms ever since kirkwall but none of them ever feel right and that frustrates him just as much as everything else because the name he was saddled with in the circle became His to his body and brain and not even he can change it now that he has the independence to

to be clear anders is not actually “from” the anderfels as such; his father was from there and left as a boy, and anders himself was born in ferelden. honestly, i think that’s just another layer of alienation. he’s never been to the anderfels, but whatever it was about him was so blatantly obvious that people nicknamed him that even when he refused to speak—which refusal in itself to me suggests the trade tongue might not be his first language. too old when taken to the circle to grow up fitting in, but too young for the memory of what he lost not to slip through his fingers. hiding a name that never even felt right in the first place because in a tower full of prying eyes it’s the only thing he can keep for himself. growing into a different one that just outright labels him a foreigner

so an outsider in ferelden from the first, but they’d instantly know him from a stranger in the anderfels all the same. if he went it’d be full of deja vu and irritating half memories, i think. it’d be super interesting as a character exploration. it’s also worth saying that they’re said to be a pious people who are half ruled by the wardens, so considering what he’s run from and the fact that his ander father was the one who gave him to the templars in the first place, i’m not sure a little childhood nostalgia would do anything but get his hackles up

his approach to nationality is interesting in da2, but definitely fereldan; he says “i didn’t think i’d give it a second thought once i was gone. what did ferelden ever do for me?” but in the same banter admits to missing it. and of course politically he’s strongly aligned with the fereldan refugees who specifically remark on what he’s done for “our people”, fear what happens to mages “in this city”, threaten those who come after him with “fereldan justice” and immediately drop their aggression when they realise the person looking for him is fereldan. ferelden is also the nation that most aligns itself with the mage rebellion

idk. remember how if hawke is a non-mage and sides with the templars because “kirkwall is my home and i intend to protect it”, he has the saddened line, “from us. from me. it would have been nice to have a home, instead of a cell or a hiding place”, but if they’re a mage it’s the much more dismissive and angry, “an apostate doesn’t have a home—just somewhere to hide”. some places might feel more like home, but he pretty directly engages with the idea of mages’ status making them stateless, and he thinks any apostate is a fool for thinking otherwise

#anders #sorry this turned into an essay

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epicfranb · 1 year

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GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS i got an idea for a new au 😅 BUT HEY i believe it's ,y first actual Life Series AU, and i called it: nth life_

The usual team, no new characters, no lizzie and mumbo (sorry lizzie and mumbo), they get 3 lives (tho that could be changed) and their goal is... to survive in the void. (inspired by this video lololol)

Initially i wanted them to have some time on the surface, they they have to go down and survive in the void for as long as they can. i struggled to imagine how that would go, so i uh... accidentally might've made a Made in Abyss crossover 😅

So, each session, the guys go down lower and lower in the world. first it's just caves, then it's the deep dark, then they start going deeper and deeper... the nether and the end are also layers, they can't just go there whenever they want. And i want to add some cool mc mods in there to spice things up (mostly so layers are cool and different, but also mods that let them find or make food where there isn't any in vanilla)

Now, i don't want to copy Made in Abyss in that going back to the upper levels has more negative effects the lower you go, but i do want some sort of drawback to doing so. I think the lower levels could be opened up gradually, so nobody rushes, and the lower you go, the better materials and equipment you can get, so players are discouraged from staying in one place for too long, and setting up permanent bases IS NOT ALLOWED. You do need materials from every level to survive the void though.

Void really fucks with people's heads. The closer they are to it, the more paranoid and anxios they become. Some wil also become aggressive, have hallucinations or derealization, thinking they're in previous season or in a different series bringing up things that didn't happen and people that aren't there (Grian searching for Mumbo? Etho paranoid that Gem is out to get him? Pearl and Cleo feeling like Lizzie and Gem respectively possess them?)

With that, i think it could start out silly,similar to how the normal series usually goes, but, as theygo down, it gets more serious in tone and even steps into the horror category. that could be neat.

I either don't want watchers there at all, or have a non-obvious interpretation from fanon? Something like in OFF, DDLC or Undertale, where the player is a separate character in the story, but here it's the reader. Idk yet if the reader will be able to make choices or not. Could intepret watchers in some fun way, but only if it adds something to the story. They don't need to be there and they're only canon to Martyn anyway im pretty sure

I guess the reader could make a choice of whose story to follow, mirroring how you choose POV's when you're watching the actual series. Like, Martyn and Cleo are doing something, and there's Joel and Scar somewhere else at the same time, and you choose who to watch. Could also add replayability/rereadbility (is that a word??)

I imagine the whole thing as a text adventure, with cryptic vibes like "breaking the 4th wall/they know they're in a game" and "liminal space/backrooms". there could also be puzzles for the audience to solve to make it more engaging and immersive :)

Maybe i could start out by deciding who teams up with who. I don't want to pair up people who i actually want to pair up, cuz that could make me focus solely on them (looks at clethubs), but i still want the teams to go well together and have fun dynamics.

Some brainstorms from 1 am me:

For Jimmy, i want him to team with someone as stupid+silly+goofy like himself. Current options include: BigB, Martyn, Skizz (i might go w him) and Ren. Any combination of them could also work.

The team i'm 100% decided on is... Etho, Pearl and Cleo. Girlbosses + a wet rag

Joel and Bdubs would be suuuuper fun. Tango, Joel and Bdubs? Do i want a team that just gonna yell at eahc other all the time? Perhaps yes,

But Scott and Bdubs... sounds chaotic.

I want Grian with Impulse!!

Scar and Ren are left? Scar and Joel could be a good combo.

Aaaand that's everything for now. It's not an au i believe i can work on by myself though. as much as i like this concept, it feels like one of those that i will abandon very quickly, especially seeing as i have other au's i'd like to work on... but i want to at least do a lil bit on this one!! so uh... if anyone gets the vision and wants to collab... i invite u :D

#life series #traffic smp #trafficblr #nth life_

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thelegendofhino · 8 months

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Now, for an analysis on whatever the blood moon may be physically doing to hino.

Hes very clearly not aware that its negatively affecting him. I dont think whatever it is thats happening to him is ever being processed as a negative thing to him, considering how he acts afterwards, but its definitely preventing him from actually realizing whats going on. It gets him excited, sure, but i really dont think he properly recalls what goes on. If anything, he seems to be in pain a lot of the time.

In both games, he puts emphasis on the fact that his blood is "boiling", which is basically when you have a really high body temperature/fever so it feels like your blood is hot. In his case, it could also be combined with an adrenaline rush and some other more supernatural thing.

Another thing is his focus on the "blood" part of the blood moon, though that seems to be less about the moon itself and more whatever its doing to him. Any of his dialogue regarding blood other than his own seems to be even less cohesive than anything else he says, being either mindless mumbling or shouting. Considering in botw he runs around the stable for basically a full in-game hour without stopping, combined with the highly likely adrenaline rush, combined with the heavy breathing he does in totk, it may be as a result of that taste of blood (really just the metallic taste) that you get in your mouth if you exercise a lot for a while despite no actual blood being present. And, again, having to keep in mind that it is in fact a supernatural occurrence, that taste of "blood" could possibly be causing some sort of craving for it, especially since the only thing blood moons should be affecting is monsters, which are all inherently aggressive towards others. For reasons forever unknown, hino is a completely unique case among every non-monster. Perhaps he is cursed somehow. Regardless, i worry for his health. Blood moons have been occuring for as long as hes been alive, and i dont know if theyve been affecting him the way it is now his whole life, but thats still a very long time (idk how old he is, but id place him somewhere in his early-mid 30s) and blood moons happen on a weekly basis... its just concerning.

I do think its odd that he doesnt really acknowledge you in this state in botw, and in totk of course it only happens while youre talking to him so it has to be different, but even so hes not nearly as focused on you as he is on the moon and whatever it is that hes feeling. We've had an instance of an npc attacking you before for completely non supernatural reasons, but despite the blood moons connection to malice and gloom and whatnot it doesnt seem to give him any intention of harming you. Though, given that its doing anything to him at all, and ONLY him, maybe just a few more years time before he starts getting actually aggressive... his focus on blood may begin to manifest in much more dangerous ways at this rate.

So whatever the blood moon is doing to him is definitely NOT good for him, and its odd enough already that it doesnt happen to anyone else, nor does anyone else ever comment on his behavior. Nobody else would see him in totk (since hes always captured in some fort now), but in botw everyone else that stays and comes to the dueling peaks stable witness it happen all the time with no concern at all. Maybe they just dont think anything of it, maybe they just think hes a bit of a freak and mind their own business.

Also, he can sense when a blood moon will happen that day. Theres no way for that to be the case if it was just a matter of him getting way too excited about it. And despite being able to tell when one will occur, it gets in the way of his research! Because it makes him go crazy. And he doesnt ever acknowledge that. Very odd. Im starting to think its giving him false memories so he continues to be unaware of what really goes on. Because if he were truly just forgetting, surely hed be concerned about memory gaps whenever a blood moon happens, but instead he just proceeds as if he werent doing anything out of the ordinary.

The blood moon was also out the entire time that you fight ganondorf after he turns himself into a dragon... i can only imagine how exhausted hino felt after that, probably without even understanding why.

#i just think hes suffering each time and isnt able to realize it #vpost #hinoposting #legend of zelda #botw #totk #hino

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monochrome-sunsets · 1 year

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tOH x HtTYD

i genuinely could not get this out of my head so here are what dragons i think various owl house characters would have and why

eda - flame whipper

- heehee gecko dragon :)))

- flame whippers are super protective of their babies!! aunt eda is super protective of luz and king!

- flame whippers usually live in packs and don't like people, but babies are way more curious and open and tend to wander away

- eda probably picked up a baby flame whipper from somewhere and, upon being unable to find its pack, decided to raise it on her own, a la king.

- there's like a 50/50 chance eda names it something cool (like king) or a bad pun (like owlbert)

lilith - deathburple

- they're so funky lookin...... take a peek at lili's raven out of staff form and tell me she won't love a funky lookin dude, i dare you. that palisman looks like a pure white frogmouth.

- lili's deathburple is almost certainly of purple and white colouring

- she'd probably name it, like. beelzebub or asmodeus or something. i like asmodeus the best, tbh

- anyways. deathburples are mischievous (like hooty), vain, lazy, fierce, loyal, and deeply caring. i think lili would absolutely adore her baby deus (and occasionally be a little frustrated with him).

belos / philip - threadtails

- ......poisonous dragons. .....what else is there to say.

- i feel like philip wouldn't LOVE dragons, but he'd keep them around because of their use, similar to how he treated magic for a bit. he hated it and wanted it destroyed, but also... he needed it to get home.

- deeply loyal dragons. there would be no convicing them to not follow his orders. that manipulative, controlling bastard would love this.

- he doesn't name any of them because he has no love in his non-existent heart.

hunter - typhoomerang

- typhoomerangs are anxious, high-strung, and territorial. these all fit hunter pretty well well i think.

- hunter's typhoomerang (he'd name her after a food- waffle, maybe, to fit flapjack) would see him as her baby. she takes one look at him and goes "anxious... aggressive.... yellow...... that is a baby typhoomerang. mine now."

- she tries very hard to make sure he is well-fed. hunter is utterly bemused by her offerings of raw fish. he will not be going hungry on her watch.

luz - changewing

- honestly if anyone could befriend the living embodiment of severe social anxiety, it would be luz

- it's luz's adhd (and, later, ptsd) service dragon

- luz is its anxiety service human

- i'm gonna go with windsor for her changewing's name! she named it after red windsor, a type of cheese, and she thought it was funny bc haha dragon wind soar

amity - swiftwing

- deadly nadder probably also would have been a good fit? but i already gave that to emira, and i wanna give everyone a different dragon, so a swiftwing it is!

- swiftwings are stubborn, brave, and committed. they prefer to stay close to their riders, and will do just about anything to keep them safe and healthy.

this is the only image i could find :l no grown ups unfortunately

willow - hobblegrunt

- hobblegrunts are calm and peaceful, but they are still dragons, and therefore still dangerous- just like willow!

- hobbles have the ability to sense shanges in temperature, air pressure, and emotions. these could be pretty useful to a plant track witch

- since she named her palisman clover, she'd probably name her dragon something similar. hedge, maybe? leaf? idk

gus - shovelhelm

- shovelhelms are social, friendly, level-headed, and intelligent. i think they'd make a good fit for gus, who is ALSO social, friendly, and intelligent!

- gus gives stupid long names (his palisman is named. emmiline bailey marcostimo.) so i'm gonna sayyyyy sebastian elias thiago will be his dragon's name

- seb is obsessively trying to build gus a nest at all times. gus often assists and is always bringing him new material. he wants the best for his boy, and that sentence means both gus for seb and seb for gus.

- sebastian also works as an autism & anxiety support dragon for gus! he's fantastic at helping gus recognize when he's getting overwhelmed or nearing a meltdown or depressive episode, and great at distracting him and helping him calm down.

emira - deadly nadder

- constant grooming & focus on physical beauty from a nadder

- when well-trained and befriended, nadders are super affectionate and playful! good emira dragon :o

- nadders have super strong parental instincts, to the point where they'll adopt children of other species. emira's nadder probably sees her as its kid.

- i have.... no idea what emira would name her dragon :(

edric - terrible terrors

- i cannot explain why. i simply think he'd have a small flock of terrible terrors following him basically everywhere.

- 100% they'd all be named something similar. there's grey, ray, jay, bay, fae....

#toh #the owl house #luz noceda #toh luz #amity blight #emira blight #edric blight #willow park #gus porter #eda the owl lady #eda clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #toh lilith #emperor belos #philip wittebane #toh hunter

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redheadbigshoes · 1 year

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I hope to come off genuinely, but this post is literally just lesbophobic. Saying that butch/femme is heteronormative when it absolutely isn't. They're lesbian identities, not replicas of straight relationships. And no one is saying u can't be butch4butch or femme4femme. Not to mention butch doesn't mean masculine and femme doesn't mean feminine, an extremely common misconception among non-lesbians and even lesbians. There are plenty of femmes, for example, that are gnc. So, in this case, if a gnc femme is femme4butch, how does a relationship between two GNC lesbians equate to a mimic of heterosexuality? It doesn't. For sure, there are plenty of feminine femmes and plenty of masculine butches that date each other, but that's an individual preference and an expression of their gender and relationship to womanhood. And really, you would only think butch-femme relationships are "heteronormative" if you truly believe that it's a man-woman roleplaying type of relationship, which tells me you view butches as men, or trying to be men, which has never been the case. Plain lesbophobia and butchphobia. Not to mention literally No One is making anyone identify as butch or femme or stud or anything else. That's the silliest thing ever. Most lesbians don't ID as such so idk where this misconception came from.

I’ve never said being butch or femme is inherently heteronormative, I’m not responsible if you completely lack reading comprehension skills. I was responding to that anon who said people box us into stereotypes, they box us in heteronormative stereotypes. If you didn’t understand what I said you could’ve just asked, not straight come to me anonymously to call me lesbophobic simply because I complained about lesbians being forced to be put into boxes of femme or butch when a lot of us don’t fit in those.

I’ve never said people say you can’t be butch4butch or femme4femme, I complain about how people treat those preferences very differently than they treat butch4femme or femme4butch. Again, your assumptions are not my responsibility.

Butch doesn’t mean masculine (or femme doesn’t mean feminine), however the thing that connects being butch is masculinity just as the thing that connects femmes is femininity. If there was absolutely no criteria for those terms then they wouldn’t mean anything.

I’m sorry but I cannot argue with someone who jumps to assuming things and coming off very aggressively without trying to understand what I mean. You’re very welcome to leave my blog for your own sake and mine because I won’t waste my time with someone who thinks what they assumed of what I said is actually what I said. You can be stupid somewhere else.

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

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tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang · 2 years

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If I ever block you it wasn't me but my evil twin who took over my body, there is no other scenario where this could happen.

Ah right, in this house we stan violence and revenge, I forgot, lemme just unleash my dark power when I don't have a fever anymore >:) How could I ever forbid my lovely best friend/vice president/assassin to drive a train into people, as long as you drink enough water I support you<3

Well they are dead too now. But the tree probably fell down, the roots grew a little and then the mud and plants did the rest before the tree dipped. They just take the trees away??? We only have that when they block a path or street, otherwise they just lay around for us to climb on.

JOJO NO WHAT LIL MAN COULD NEVER

He actually stands for me aggressively caring for you again, in those lil fists are creams, pain meds and sweets (what sweets do you like?) And the fists are for your father, i fight him.

(I hope that doing this via asks is okay for ya, I don't know if you have any other idea how we could talk (this makes it sound like you have to talk to me, which you don't obviously we can also wait until the tumblr staff is defeated))

- your mikey ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

Ok got it, I'll keep an eye out for this evil twin of yours. I don't know what the plan is if I ever come across them but I'll think of something.

Yeah let the staff fix the problem first then get revenge :) mainly cause I don't know anything about programming or computers. Though maybe pressing random buttons can fix it?

Damn my other weakness, I never drink enough water. In a constant state of dehydration.

Ohhh that makes more sense! But yeah in most forests they take them away. I think i read somewhere it's because a kid died climbing on a fallen one or something and the parents took the council to court and won. So now they remove them to cover their backs. It's probably only the ones with rangers though since idk how else they would know???

It sounds better to just leave it though, more fun and you get to see cool things. Probably better for the local ecosystem too? Do you like climbing on the fallen trees? What about the non fallen ones do you climb those?

Whoops completely misread that situation lmao. He sure can hold a lot in his little fists though, I'm impressed. I like most types of sweets, I guess I have a bit of a sweet tooth not licorice though, that stuffs horrible. I think fizzy laces are my favourite though. What are your favourites?

You have my full blessing to fight my father, if I wasn't so scared of him or if I didn't still need him I'd fight him myself.

I'm not sure of any other ways to talk, I'm good with this though. You can be expecting some asks in return though when I find interesting things in the mornings.

-Your Sanzu 💗

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racingliners · 11 months

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F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 6 - Monaco

Alrighty! Ticking another race off the re-watch list before we go away (and before I completely forget about this re-watch project being a thing).

According to the list I made to keep track of my watch through, this is the third last race I haven’t seen anything from, though Monaco being the procession it normally is most years idk if that’ll mean much. This was the first of Rosberg’s 3 Monaco GP wins, and I think there’s some late race chaos but apart from that I’m going into this completely blind, so let’s jump in!

ngl I go miss the pre-race graphic that had the world map before zooming in on the host race du jour, as I geography nerd I really enjoyed it

Okay, starting grid whiplash:

A Merc front row before it was cool (Rosberg pole, Lewis P2); Seb P3; Jenson P9, Jev P10.

Honestly, not that whiplash inducing, the beloveds have not been screwed over for once

Helmet watch: Lewis’ rainbow helmet visor is still the prettiest thing ever

Also it is so weird seeing all the Merc guys in white overalls, even though we haven’t had the all-black look for that long I’m astounded as to how quickly I’ve gotten used to it dsvhdfvhd

Also also: this race happened in the mist of some classic off-grid drama (Merc had a non-sanctioned tyre test with Pirelli after the Spanish GP, no one was happy about it bc in-season testing was banned at this point in time, mouthing off with and in the press ensued)

Not that has anything to do with the race action, I just find it funny

[Formation Lap]: All but 4 cars starting on the super softs, though back in 2013 all the cars in the Top 10 had to start the race on the tyres they ran in Q3, unlike the free choice they have now

“I think Raikkonen’s got a great chance of winning this race” Brundle he’s down in 5th find some sense

(the things I endure for this)

[Start/Lap 1]: Juuuuuust about all clean into turn 1, Lewis and Seb were VERY racy

oh maybe not all clean there’s a yellow flag

OH SHIT one of the Caterhams just lost it’s front wing

oh god more McLaren on McLaren violence

[Lap 2]: Seb is still harassing Lewis, brat Seb be bratting

and they’re still at it into the swimming pool

[Lap 3]: Meanwhile Rosberg has a 1.4 second lead

I love how unstressed I am about Lewis v Seb, it’s always so spicy but such good racing

meanwhile Jenson has been complaining about Perez being too aggressive, make of that what you will

and another yellow flag somewhere

[Lap 4]: oh the shot of the cars going through swimming pool is 👌

(I am occasionally a Monaco apologist, it’s v pretty)

[Lap 6]: Okay the race has calmed down 😅

Classic precession time, everyone will be trying to stay close to the car in front in the hope of jumping them at the pit stops

5 and a half seconds covering the top 6, which somewhat proves my point

oh jeez the McLaren violence replay, can we not race each other into the chicanes lads?! 😵‍💫

[Lap 9]: aaaand there’s the second Caterham on fire, right at the pit lane entry too

Caterham’s not good, very bad Monaco GP

oh the smoke is blowing across the track, excellent

man how did F1 manage before the Virtual Safety Car, bc it’s just a yellow flag rn

though maybe I think it should be full SC

there is a very large group of marshals pushing the car back into the pits like 😳

well that was mildly terrifying

[Lap 11]: Jenson potentially chasing down Fernando 🍿

2000s F1 intensifies

[Lap 12]: Di Resta fastest lap????

Okay so bc the Mercs aren’t pulling away from the rest of the field as quickly as everyone expected, it’s apparently forcing the rest of the grid into a one stop bc of how small the gaps are between everyone

(or at least that’s how I’m interpreting what Crofty and Brundle are saying, either I’m dumb or they’re dumb one of the two)

[Lap 16]: Jenson is still reasonably close to Fernando, but maybe not quite close enough to get the pass done on track

[Lap 17]: cut to the Merc garage prepping tyres 👀

[Lap 19]: Livery watch: as much as I am a black Merc stan, the old silver livery does look very pretty in the sunshine

[Lap 21]: somewhat related it is SO STRANGE being on board with Lewis and not seeing the number 44.

Like 10 is Gasly’s number to me, I am getting whiplash asfuhasufh

(2013 was the last season before drivers got to pick driver numbers, before then car numbers were assigned based on where a team finished in the constructors. For example Merc had 9 and 10 for finishing 5th in 2012)

[Lap 23]: and we have out first proper pitstop folks!! It’s Danny Ric, who swapped his softs for super softs, which doesn’t make much sense

And Bottas pits too

...and he’s still in the pits. I fear the graphic is stuck

[Lap 24]: Yeah I think the graphic is borked Val is still being shown as being in the pits

“target minus 1.6 on your dash” Bono I don’t think Lewis has actual rocket fuel in his car please be serious

[Lap 26]: And Webber pits for softs!

sounds like a pit stop shuffle is incoming since the Mercs were given the hurry up

will they double stack? or will they pit on sequential laps?

Meanwhile Di Resta did a pretty decent pass on Massa into Saint Devote

[Lap 27]: And Raikkonen pits, as does Jenson

Disco music ensues for the pit stop shuffle

And a wild Dan fastest lap just for funsies

[Lap 28]: Still not Merc stops

the hilarity of the entire grid pitting to for Mercedes’ hand and them going ‘lol no we’re better than falling for your mind games’

(Merc have always been the funniest team on the gird)

[Lap 29]: Still no pit stop for the Mercs as Alonso pits

Just Seb and Perez still to pit in the top 10 alongside the Mercs

oh add Sutil and Jev to that list, thank you pit stop graphic

[Lap 30]: ah shit Massa’s car is sideways in the barriers at turn 1, he’s out the car thank goodness

not a very nice crash though

[Lap 31]: Seb pits

and unsurprisingly, Safety Car to clean up Massa’s car

[Lap 32]: And Rosberg finally pits

as does Lewis, the famous Merc double stack will always be famous

But as a result Lewis is behind the two Red Bulls, while Rosberg retains the lead

[Lap 33]: And a wild Daft Punk sighting... because Monaco

Man this race really had been more eventful when Monaco’s usual standards considering it’s bone dry and bright sunshine

“Fourth Monaco Grand Prix in a row to feature the safety car” and absolutely no one is surprised

I am not going to comment on the ‘lapped cars may now overtake graphic’ other than the fact it required a warning.

[Lap 36]: Anyway apparently a seized gearbox caused the fire on Pic’s car, not a fun fact

[Lap 37]: Oh Rosberg’s engineer coming in with some proper tyre stats (60% remaining on the rears and 50 odd on the front, if you’re wondering)

[Lap 38]: and SC in this lap!

we’ll also be getting back under way at half distance

[Lap 39]: green flag!

oof Rosberg shot off at the restart, that’s already a 9 tenths gap to Seb in P2

Lewis trying to get past Webber

[Lap 40]: and again Lewis having a peek into tabac but nothing comes from it

AHHHH HE TRIES IT INTO RASCASSE

sorry for the caps lock it was either that or me yelling aloud at 11:07pm

[Lap 41]: He didn’t get the move done, but it was v racy

Lewis Hamilton, keeping races entertaining since 2007

Meanwhile Jenson is chasing Fernando who’s chasing Raikkonen

WDC on WDC fisticuffs

and Perez gets past Jenson into the nouvelle chicane!

(entertaining racing??? in Monaco??? I LOVE IT)

[Lap 44]: daaaaamn, Perez is not messing about, he tried a divebomb on Fernando

[Lap 46]: yellow flags again...

oh jeez, Maldonado in the barriers (he’s fine) but the impact pulled the tecpro barriers into the track.

so a red flag

my goodness has this race been eventful

and cut to all the mechanics and engineers running down the pitlane to get back onto the grid

ohhhhh yeah people can change their tyres on the grid under a red flag. inch resting.

zdvuhdfuvhdf Ted cornering Horner in the pits for a quick quote, I adore his tenacity

so with some very rough maths there’s 33 laps to go, assuming the race ran to full distance, so it would absolutely make sense to change tyres here.

(look at me trying to be Ted)

Speaking of Ted, he’s playing team boss bingo. He’s added Toto Wolff and Martin Whitmarsh to his red flag interview list.

And in breaking news apparently Alonso has to give Perez P6 for going off track.

And Ted’s now chatting to Claire Williams. Just one more for team boss bingo.

(Also I miss Claire SO MUCH the paddock has way less braincells without her)

[Lap 47]: and looks like the race is getting back underway!

(less red flag chatter bc it’s just hit midnight and I need to get better at timing these re-watches)

Raikkonen & Hulkenberg on the softs, everyone else re-starting back on the supers

And Alonso did give Perez P6 under the SC.

Safety Car pulling in and the camera once again followed it instead of the lead car

[Lap 48]: Anyway, green flag!

thankfully all clear through Sant Devote

Lewis once again resuming to chance down Webber

[Lap 49]: While Alonso is trying to get P6 back from Perez

[Lap 50]: Rosberg already 1.2 seconds ahead of Seb

and DRS re-enabled

Lewis is SO CLOSE to the back of Mark

and he once again tries into Rascasse but nothing comes from it

[Lap 51]: once again the shot of all the cars running through swimming pool is sexy

[Lap 52]: oh damn Raikkonen and Perez fisticuffs now, once again at the nouvelle chicane, both of them went wide

[Lap 55]: Lewis being told to mind to tyres so he has some grip left at the end of the race

[Lap 56]: idk what Rosberg is running on but he’s 2.7 seconds ahead of Seb now

Monaco Man is Monaco Manning

[Lap 57]: Not Sutil going down the inside of Fernando at the hairpin and making it stick 👏

Team Silverstone be Team Silverstoneing 💚

This house will always be pro-midfield

[Lap 60]: not more double yellows at sector one 😭

fellas please I can only take so much

One of the Marussia’s in the barriers :(

(driver’s fine)

[Lap 62]: Gap between Rosberg and Seb now 3.7 seconds

[Lap 63]: Grosjean rear-ending Dan at the Nouvelle chicane and nearly going over the back of the Toro Rosso... CAN WE NOT

SC back out for the carbon fibre confetti

This is turning out to be a poor choice of late night viewing my blood pressure is likely not having a fun time

I swear the only thing missing from this race is rain, and I’m very glad it never happened

[Lap 65]: So we’re past the 2hr mark, but the race is still going somehow

idk my understanding of time limits is very foggy at this point, the incidents combined with it being half past midnight had left my brain mush

oh jeez the bird on the apex of the nouvelle chicane, v pretty slow mo shot of it flying away though

[Lap 66]: SC in at the end of the lap

aka ah shit here we go again

(Raikkonen’s engine is losing water bc it’s too hot so that’s fun)

[Lap 67]: green flag!

and again all clear through turn 1

[Lap 69]: nice

(sorry my filter goes out the wayer after midngith)

ANYWAY Jev is still holding onto P10 🤞

I also forgot to mention is lovely Francois Cevert tribute helmet, you can find the pics in my ‘monaco grand prix 2013′ tag

but back to racing, the fisticuffs between Raikkonen and Perez got upgraded to violence.

Perez tried it down the inside and got pinched as Raikkonen turned in for the chicane and bits of carbon fibre went flying

[Lap 70]: And Raikkonen has a puncture

[Lap 71]: And Jenson gets past Fernando!!

✨F1 drama✨

oh the replay of Jenson getting past Fernando through Anthony Noghes 👌

[Lap 73]: the incidents don’t stop coming, Perez just shot over the nouvelle chicane

ah he’s pulling off, might be a brake failure

[Lap 74]: But that promotes Sutil to fifth, Team Silverstone truly living their best lives

[Lap 75]: 4 laps remaining klaxon

and jeez a 4.4 second gap between Rosberg and Seb

well we know which Merc was filled with rocket fuel

[Lap 77]: wild that with all the chaos of the race, Rosberg has still led every lap of the race

big ‘call an ambulance but not for me’ energy

[Lap 78]: Final lap!!

vhfduvhs Seb going 1:16.5 and getting fastest lap

bestie we needed that energy five laps ago

“Sebastian you know the score, don’t take any more risks” Rocky is not amused

[Finish]: and Monaco Man wins the Monaco GP!!

Seb P2, Webber P3, Lewis P4, Sutil P5, Jenson P6, Alonso P7, Jev P8, Di Resta P9 and Raikkonen P10.

Whew, I am Niki Lauda looking around dazed and he is me. That race was EVENTFUL. Like so eventful I’m glad I’m going straight to bed after this. Though in classic Monaco fashion is was more incident central as opposed to lots of racing, but gosh so much happened we really do not have time to unpack all of the that. What a race 😵‍💫

Next up - Canada!

#F1 Re Watch #F1 2013 Re watch #F1 Liveblog #monaco gp 2013

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

Text

survey #124

Do you like pineapple on pizza? To be entirely fair, I don't think I've tried it, but considering I'm generally not a fan of sweet and savory combos, I'm doubtful I would enjoy it.

Do you like milk? I do, but only legitimate, mammalian milk. No oat, soy, etc. stuff; trust me, I've tried it because the dairy industry is actually fucking horrible and rooted in awful abuse & I want NOTHING to do with it, but I just don't like non-dairy alternatives, like in the way that I have to aggressively fight spewing it out - which I don't always succeed at. I just hate it. I am so, so sensitive to tastes I dislike.

Do you like syrup or powdered sugar on your french toast? Uh I guess a bit of both is ideal, but I could see me going for one or the other depending on my mood.

Do you put jelly or butter on your toast? I honestly don't really eat toast. But if I DO have it for whatever reason, I'm gonna want grape jam on it.

Do you like baking? Never done it. I really should learn, though... I just need to learn cooking in general.

What are you grandparents' names? Right now I only remember my mom's parents' tbh, which were Cecelia and William.

If any, how old are your siblings? Ashley is 29, Nicole JUST turned 25, Misty is 35, Katie is 39, and Bobby is... oh, he doesn't have his birth year on FB, so idk lmao, but younger than Katie. Full disclosure I looked up Misty's and Katie's too bc I'm awful and don't remember my half-siblings' birthdays/ages like a literal asshole <333333

What color is your dad's hair? So he was born blonde IF I remember his childhood pictures correctly, but it became totally black for the majority of his life. It's pretty much entirely gray by now, but you can see the hue kinda peppers in lightness in a sorta way where at least to me, you can tell his hair is supposed to be black, he's just old.

How old was your mom when she had you? FUCK my mom doesn't have her birth year on FB either, but I THINK it was 1961, so if that is the case she would've been 34. It's somewhere around there.

Do you live with any of your family members currently? Just my mom.

What is your favorite cousins name? I don't have a close relationship with any of my cousins, honestly.

Who are you closest to in your family? My mom.

How long have you and your partner been together? It's been around a year and a half now.

Do you live together? Not currently, but I'm aware that when he has his own place again, he wants me to come with him. His mom is in a stable enough place and has been for a long enough time where he's comfortable leaving her with the house, but because of just how fucking CLINICALLY INSANE the housing market is right now, he just hasn't found a decent place that's priced even remotely reasonably. It's just financially intelligent to stay where he is until the market gets better or an incredible deal falls into his lap.

What is the first movie you watched together? As a couple? Technically, I think it'd be Coraline, which I know we watched once at my place the first time we tried dating in '17. Oh wait... or it mighta been the remake of It, which we watched in theaters.

How old are they? He's 29 and convinced he's basically on this deathbed age-wise lmao sir your life has JUST started

What are some things you enjoy doing? Primarily computer-related stuff, like watching videos or listening to music, socials activities, RPing, editing various things, playing WoW, doing surveys... but I also like to take photographs, read, draw, play video games (these days primarily with others), and I would absolutely adore going on nature walks and things of the like if I was in better shape (one day!!), and it wasn't hot. I also love learning about and watching animals.

What is your favorite color? Pastel pink is #1, followed by... many other pink shades, haha, like coral, rose gold, neon, fuchsia, etc. etc. I also like deep, regal reddish-purple colors, like maroon and burgundy, and lighter shades of purple, like lilac, orchid, and such.

What state are you from? North Carolina.

Have you ever adopted an animal? I'm assuming you don't mean truly "purchase" from a breeder or something, in which case, yes.

Have you ever taken in a stray? That's how our outdoor cat infestation from my childhood started, haha. I know my family (myself 100% included) has ZERO regrets over rescuing Chance, but yeah, it was a massive problem. Even after her, when we'd entered a phase of having no cats, we took in two kittens (Aphrodite and her sister whose name I just can't remember anymore) that were LITERALLY thrown out of a car in a plastic bag. Aphrodite started a fresh chain of having way too many cats, but not nearly as many as we had with Chance's family. They were still taken by animal control, though, because of wildly shitty neighbors that never communicated "hey they keep wandering into our yard, stop this or we're calling somebody." Coming home from school to every single one of them gone was one of the worst days of my fucking life (I was literally shrieking curses and sobbing on the porch), and I still grieve Aphrodite especially; I adored that cat. BUT ANYWAY, DO NOT keep your cats outdoors, and even when solely indoor pets, spay/neuter them, PLEASE.

What is an animal you are scared of? Whale sharks. It's funny, I like them, they're such peaceful animals, but their mouths just REALLY freak me out. I'd actually like to swim near one one day, maybe kill the fear.

Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Not a serious bite, no. Just a couple nips from nervous ones, the kinds that never even drew blood. My sister has been bitten by a German shepherd though on the hand; it belonged to her friend, and for some reason I don't remember, the dog just attacked her. She wound up needing stitches, and bless her friend, poor girl was sobbing because she felt so bad. It didn't affect Nicole's love for dogs though, and later in life she basically owned a German shepherd named Zeke. Maybe she sorta still does, idk; he was her ex-boyfriend's, and even after the split I know she's always been allowed to see him and I THINK bring him to her place occasionally? That dog is literally the child of divorced parents lmfao

Is Halloween your favorite holiday? Concept and aesthetic-wise, absolutely yes. I LIVE for the vibe, but as far as celebrating the holiday goes, it's not; I really don't do anything, pretty much ever. Christmas is definitely my fave celebratory-wise, because my family gets together and I just love seeing Ash's kids be so overjoyed about it all. It's just one of those days where you really, really focus on the love you have for the people you choose to spend your life with.

Do you like to watch scary movies during October? Meh, I'm just not a movie person, at least when it comes to watching them alone. I'd totally be done for like, watching them with Girt. Primarily because he hates horror/is a total pansy about it and it's hilarious lmfao

What are a couple of your favorite horror films? The original The Blair Witch Project is #1 (I like the sequel too), and I also totally adore The Crazies; maybe tied with the former mention, actually, idk. I thought The Boy was EXCELLENT, that's actually a movie I'd love to watch again. You can't go wrong with The Shining, either! The acting is just historical, plus I'm really into the concept of hysteria building off of what is technically nothing; I think that's also why I love The Blair Witch Project so much, at least the explanation behind it (collective hysteria, overreacting to certain things). The mind is SUCH a powerful thing.

What is your favorite Halloween treat/candy? Pumpkin-shaped Reese's, haha.

Do you often find yourself eating just because you’re bored? I used to be really bad at this, but not so much anymore. I'm not gonna say it NEVER happens, but I've gotten way better about reinforcing to myself "no, you're not hungry, you're bored."

Are you a sex addict? lmao if you know me at all, you know I'm definitely not.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend taken from you? No. She tried, but I know Juan didn't date her after a lie she made up DID make me say "you know what fuck this I'm done with this whole drama bye" and break up with him. The lie she'd told was very believable for him honestly, and even though I DID know it could be a lie, Rachel had caused enough stress for me already and I wasn't confident enough of how into Juan I was to put up with it. To this day, I consider that lie a saving grace. I know Juan's done bad things that I don't know about (it's specifically stuck with me to this day that his answer to me asking about a stab wound scar he had was "I deserved it"), and bad things I do know about. It says something when your teacher pulls you aside when she noticed him visiting me a lot in art class to tell me to stay away from him. I'm pretty sure she did this literally twice, but for certain once.

If so, what would you like to do to the person who took them from you? Even in the hypothetical of Juan getting back with Rachel after that incident, Rachel is actually my friend now and I think she's fantastic (people grow, I will not hold her past against her). I wish her zero harm at all, only good things.

Have you ever been cheated on? If so, have you forgiven them? No. To mention my last survey, I DO sometimes wonder if Jason and the girl he dated after me (Ashley) had something stirring before we even split, but in total honesty, I don't think so, I really don't. I don't think that's the kind of person Jason was. But it WAS definitely alarming just how quickly he was onto someone else after we split following dating super seriously for over three and a half years.

Quick! Tell me the name of your favorite movie. The Lion King and The Meerkats 2008 documentary. I forget to mention the latter a lot, because it's an obscure movie barely anyone you will ever meet probably even knows, but it is simply phenomenal.

Do you wear water bras? ... What the fuck is a water bra?

Have you ever sent an anon hate message, be honest now. Nope.

Would you let someone give you a golden shower for a million dollars? I had to look this up and hell fucking no.

Name a band that you think is beyond overrated: I don't care man, let people enjoy whatever art they want. I really don't even know who's "in" these days anyway.

Who is the last person you said goodbye to? My PT therapist for today. She was new for me and is already tied with one other woman for my favorite, haha.

Who can you not live without? Nobody. PLEASE, don't adopt this mentality. I know it's hard to, but think realistically: you, in all technicality, CAN live without any one person, and I think this is so important to remember for when one day, you do lose them in one way or another, and you have to continue living without them. I totally used to believe this when it came to Jason, and I know it played a massive role in the severity of the breakup aftermath, but look at who the hell is living just fine - even happily - without him now.

What’s your favorite sea creature? Giant whales like blue whales top the list, but I also deeply love sea turtles, sea lions, seahorses, jellyfish, and dolphins. Sharks are also very cool and VERY unfairly villainized!!

What’s your favorite acoustic song? The "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" one by Sleeping With Sirens, I think. That's been a high wedding song contendor for years now, lmao.

What’s your favorite riddle? Okay so this is really just because of context/plot; it's from God of War: Ragnarök, where Brok asks, "What gets bigger the more you take away from it?," and Mimir realizes the answer near the end: a hole. You'd have to play the game to understand and feel the sheer weight of it, which I HIGHLY recommend, the game is fucking brilliant, I cried SO much through it.

What do you think happens after we pass? I just don't know. I know I don't believe in some perfect paradise and a wicked hell for suiting people, but I DO believe we're still... there somehow, but definitely not with the level of sentience and awareness that we do while alive. I like to think that it's a peacefulness, a feeling of wholeness with the world.

^ Is it different from what you’d like to happen? I don't know, really. It's like, on the surface, the idea of a Heaven sounds fantastic, but... to live in nothing but flawless harmony for all conceivable eternity? That just doesn't sound ideal for me. And I ABSOLUTELY don't believe in/want a Hell-like realm to exist, because like I mentioned earlier, people change, grow, and are ALWAYS (well, I suppose almost always) deserving of the chance to redeem themselves. Eternal punishment so severe that our human minds can't even interpret it is just purely fucking diabolical to me, I want that for nobody.

How do you feel about people self-diagnosing themselves with disorders? Hear me out: it depends. In MOST CASES, I absolutely hate this, especially when the person acts like it is stone-hard fact while holding an unconvincing amount of evidence. However, there are plenty of people who just don't have access to doctors capable of properly diagnosing, and then there's also worth mentioning that you know you more than anybody else does. Just depends on a lot.

#survey #surveys #personal questions #random questions

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slash-me-please · 2 years

Note

Can I request a Jason x fem!reader with predator / prey kink / role play please ? I love how you write him

take two and I'm fucking bitter about it

I hope you enjoy the piece!

Rotten

Warnings: predator/prey, fighting, reader getting manhandled, roleplay, size kink, rushed ending ig, cnc? Idk. Seems a little non!con but i made it fairly obvious its not I think. (Remember to talk about consent with your partners folks)

No matter how far you ran, he was still right behind you. Your bare feet could only carry you so far, and the night are was cold- harsh against your /adj/ skin. The rocks and broken branches of this seemingly endless forest didn't help, somehow acting as a trap itself, the forest wanted you to fail, it wanted you to fall victim to the man barreling towards you.

You came to contemplate how you ended up in this situation, waking up in the dead of night- a set of eyes looking down at you from above. A hitch in your breath and an involuntarily giggle of excitement which he had taken in, made him twitch with desire. And so you were off, kicking the sheets off the bed and sprinting out the door before he could snatch you up with his hands.

Now, its half an hour later and he's merely speed walking in your direction- long legs and experience carrying him father than yours could ever go. He'd always catch you. You stopped, hiding behind a tree for a moment to collect yourself. The thought made wetness pool in between your legs. He would always catch you.

With another heave you pressed your hands against the bark, leaning over to watch and see if the man was any closer than before. Suddenly, your blood ran cold, you were faced with the expanse of a man's chest, the clothing he was wearing tattered with age, weapons and water damage. Before you could turn around to run away, his hand wrapped around your neck, lifting you up slightly as he observed you with an unsure stare, one you reassured with a heated grin.

This didn't continue for long before he tossed you over his shoulder, beginning his walk back to where ever he was going. You began to kick at him, your knee jabbing what seemed to be a sensitive spot on his ribcage, one which would make him immediately pause and drop you to the forest floor. You scrambled to run away, desperate to flee somewhere safe, away from the stranger.

He didn't let you get far- or anywhere at all for that matter before pushing you onto your back with his combat boot. He held you there with his foot on your shoulder, giving you no choice but to obey and stare. Your eyes wandered, he was so tall, so wide. So much bigger than you- and he stared down with a twisted gaze, what did he see?

A little lower and you caught the fabric of his jeans, stretched and taut over his erection. Your mouth watered.

"Let me go." You whined, you meant everything but.

He stared longer, his hands traveling to his belt. He snapped it off with ease and it fell to the ground in two broken pieces. Then he went for the zipper of his genes, pulling them apart and pulling his erected cock from the confines of his jeans. The man wrapped his dead hand around the length, squeezing slightly and dragging it up and down. He didn't continue for long, crouching over your frail body to push his dick down your throat. You took him eagerly, pushing him deeper by his ass for a moment as you forgot your role.

The man reminded you of your place with a quick slap and a jerk of his hips. His hands held you against his pelvis despite the burning you felt in your nose or throat as he used your mouth for his pleasure. He'd lean over, closer to the ground but still fucking your mouth with an aggression you'd never experienced before. He found pleasure in the wet noises and gags you made, focused in on the ridges of your throat desperately milking his cock, begging for his cum. He wouldn't oblige. His hand found your hair easily, ripping you off and leaving you coughing.

The stranger did not wait long to grab you by the throat, pulling you upwards and throwing you back down against the leaves, your head spun with the act, a deep throb finding itself taking hold of you. Your eyes blurred for a moment, you tried to focus on him lifting your hips upwards and pushing your nightgown along your legs, only to find you bare. He expressed a hum of acceptance before leaning down to press a kiss of comfort against your pelvis. His mask stayed against your skin for a moment, effectively grounding you and calming you before he lifted you against him and slipped inside you.

You released a whiny moan, holding onto his thighs as he pushed into you and pulled back out.

"Please"

He looked down at you, leaning forwards to hold your bruised head in his palm as he thrusted into your heat. You grabbed onto his arm, pushing your legs open for him to ravish you- and he admired your face as it contorted with pleasure and the love you had for him. The stranger lifted one of your legs higher, and you made eye contact with him as you came, moaning out a string of "thank you"

He let out a shuddering breath, pressing the old plastic of his hockey mask against your forehead while he pushed against you, cumming inside your tired body. You released a whine, grabbing onto Jason's shoulders as he lifted you against his chest. "Lets go home?" He nodded, rubbing your back as you drifted to sleep clinging onto him.

#slasher x reader #jason voorhees x reader #Jason x reader #jason voorhees x reader smut #Jason x reader smut #slasher x reader smut

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septiembrre · 3 years

Note

I'm a little late but I just saw your post from a year ago about latinx rep in good girls and its sad reflecting back on it and how the show could've done better. Rio was just another stereotype, I hate how he was ambitiously latino and there was just no connection to his culture. Was he first, 2nd, or 3rd Gen? If he was 1st Gen it didn't make sense to have the family speak English. One thing that always annoyed me is how OOC he was at times and how the writers purposely made him out to be like some brown aggressive misogynistic man. They didn't bother making him complex. In a way I'm glad the show got canceled. As a Mexican woman the way Rio was written was racist.

Wah, I’ve been sitting on answering your ask. I wanted to tease your ask apart and respond to it sentence by sentence. But... my brain kept rechazandolo, so now I have feelings dump instead.

Since Good Girls ended, I have been parsing through how I feel about S4 and GG overall — sometimes more positively, sometimes more negatively. Then, I flip to reminding myself it’s not that serious (it's just tv! this is supposed to be my leisure activity!). Then, I waffle back to reflecting.

So, no textual analysis just feels and whining under the cut. I know folks are still mourning the end of the show and I don't want to yuck anyone's yum. Tagging with #ggnegativity.

My short answer is that Good Girls is my beloved, sometimes joyful, sometimes hurtful, complicated little show. Even now that we’re no longer getting new episodes I’m wary of sifting through the information we have about Rio because it’s a mess and it seems like a lot of his character was poorly thought out (ahem, all those dumb messages from Bill Krebs confirming multiple instances of lack of intentionality or care!).

I say this because I was tempted to start responding to you by riffing off of your comment with, “y'know, now that you say that, I think he’s third or fourth gen…”, pero who cares? And the point was never specifically about what gen he is, or even more specifically about... lol, I was going to say it doesn't matter what nationality he was, they just needed to pick one. Ugh, but the wording of that is too glib. The lack of intentionality behind these details feels sanitized to me, it feels very white gaze, it feels lazy.

However, I could have forgiven a lot of this weak character construction if his baseline, plot-related characterization on-screen was more consistent. But, Rio was often used as a plot device in a way that often fell flat for me, a weekly recurring bogeyman whether his antagonism made sense or not. On one hand, I feel for the creative team, because I think they were in a hard place, trying to avoid romanticizing Rio, and trying to seemingly backtrack the sexualization of him in Season 2, but... Idk, it's complicated.

Retrospectively, it’s sitting with me how much Good Girls is rooted in whiteness. While it's something I discerned before (lol, most obviously with 2x13 and in S3 with Lucy's disposability), you know how some shows get to their third or fourth season and finally start investing in their marginalized characters? It’s a crappy thing to hold out hope for, they're crumbs! But, I was. And we did get some Rio worldbuilding. But, ultimately, it felt weak to me -- under-conceptualized or under-worked.

For example, I liked Nick as a Bigger Bad who drove Rio and Beth together. I also thought that Nick's non-existent moral code was a lovely foil to Rio's, and that this contrast humanized Rio in a way that he needed. It also cast a new light on Rio's behavior of the earlier seasons, outside of Beth's perception in a way that I thought was healthy and needed. Great, meaty stuff! However, Nick and Rio's relationship came across as shallow to me. There really did not seem to be a lived-in quality to their scenes. The show really struggled with that element overall -- even with the three lead protagonists (their decades-long history with each other and interactions between their families being largely absent). I wonder why they made that choice.

It's strange because on the flip side we got a hefty amount of contextualization for MLM guy Vance and Annie's bf Kevin... Even that cop who Mick killed! All white men, too.

Me da pena.

Or maybe the thing that bothers me is that those scenes between Nick and Rio didn't center Rio's perspective effectively? Despite the one-on-one scenes being outside of Beth's framing (Rio being a secondary character typically tethered to Beth's story arc), there still was a lot of distance between Rio and the viewer? Like I think of Vance in his kitchen with his wife and child, and the way we as viewers were brought into that to empathize with him, and I think of the distance of Nick+Rio boxing scene or the scenes at the bar. Argh! It's hard to pinpoint without the textual analysis I feel too grumpy to do. It was such a narrative choice to keep Rio aloof and I side-eye it.

Anyway --

Overall, the writing room/show creators/decision-makers didn't seem to consider Latine/x/a/o viewers throughout the crafting of Good Girls and that sucks. It really feels like I'm being told to conform to the white gaze in watching the show, and after 2x13 that makes me feel prickly and defensive. A part of me yearns to do a rewatch to map Rio’s character (and inconsistencies) but I still yield joy from Good Girls — it’s been my main comfort story during the pandemic. I also rendered joy from Season 4 specifically — some of those scenes between the leads at the end were phenom!!

I am leaning into what's bringing me joy right now, so I feel hesitant to stew in critique, even while I also feel some sort of need to make sense of the hurtful racializations. I have a compulsion to write them all down on the same post or list -- somewhere where I can see them all at once and understand. But, at the moment, it’s not a use of my time and energy that feels good. Opting into fics and writing is bringing me a lot of joy during hard times.

I have to close with one final whine, that I am SO fatigued with television options right now. I find myself desperately wishing for more TV out there whose priority audience isn't only white folks. Good Girls isn't alone in its treatment of Latinx characters, or alone in mishandling characters of color or gay characters, or prioritization of empathy for white het male characters, but certainly, creating something more thoughtful shouldn't be so hard.

#preguntitas #gg negativity #lol this is basically a long journal post #good girls and latinidad #nbc good girls

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syuga-s · 3 years

Text

The Last Time

w.c 4.3k

pairing. Jooheon x gn!reader

genre. angst, a little fluff maybe, idk how to classify it but it's my take on relationships in real life(?)

a/n. (warnings) I throw some curses here and there, mention of the word "sex" once, tried to make it as gender-neutral as possible, I could really use some help about t/w, feedback is more than welcome, hope you like the fic 🧍‍♀️

Once again you were at the same bar. With the same friends. Same music. Same drinks. It's safe to say that nothing's changed in here but you.

For some reason, you were awfully quiet tonight. Everyone was away from the table by now. All of them talking and dancing in groups.

You were regretting saying yes to going out the very moment Jasmine was at your front door. But your best friend really wanted to get you out of your house.

The thing is you weren’t going to be alone, all of your friends were tagging along. I guess I need to suck it up, maybe I could have fun, despite him.

And you really tried, there was no need to make a scene anymore. All of your friends have had their fair share of nights seeing you 'talk' with him and making things awkward for everyone. It's been a while, though. You haven't seen him in exactly 2 years.

How do I explain this? There's no resentment anymore, no hate for what happened between you. But when there's a choice between spending your Friday night at the same place as him or staying at home? Well...

But tonight was clearly different. Something (Jasmine) had dragged you here and to be quite honest, it hasn’t been half bad yet. Jasmine kept waiting for you to get up from your chair to come and chat with Jackson and Changkyun. Her all-time crush and his best friend.

"In a sec!! Just let me finish this drink!" You said while you showed her your glass. She quickly nodded and turned to keep talking with those two. You have to remember to thank them later for keeping her entertained because if it weren't for them cracking jokes every single second, she wouldn't have let you off the hook that easily.

Meanwhile, you decided to get a little lost in your head. Laughing to yourself because you were feeling like having a main character moment. Being the only one sat down in a place full of people. The mysterious persona drinking by themselves.

But that didn't last long.

"Mind if I sit here?" You shook your head. He put his drink next to yours and asked, "How are you?" And it somehow felt like you couldn’t have avoided this exact situation.

You released a breath that you didn't even know you were holding. "I'm sitting Jooheon, drinking… existing, you?" He forced himself to smile. Trying to hide the fact that he was still feeling uneasy around you. Nonetheless, showing you the dimples that you used to love so much.

“I can see that”, he paused, "it's been a lot since I last saw you, you look different".

You hummed softly, finally making eye contact with him. "So you expected for me to look the same?" You surely weren't going to pass up the opportunity to be passive-aggressive to him.

It still makes you happy to know that he has never minded this side of you.

"I'm teasing, I guess we both look different, it's been what? Two years?"

"I'm not sure, but it feels like a lot" He took a sip of his drink and started to fidget with the glass. Maybe you're not the only one that's changed after all.

In the two years, you were together, you never saw him like this. But let's remember the fact that you never fully knew him back then. It just feels weird to see him this anxious. Especially with you.

"I've wanted to reach out to you for a while now," You frowned at his words. "Guess I lacked a little courage" He let out an airy laugh. "I really want to talk to you".

Now it was your turn to feel tense. What is this supposed to mean? How long has he been wanting to talk? And talk about what?

You tilted your head and opened your mouth to ask him all this, but he didn't give you the chance to get the words out.

"Before you say something, please believe me I just wanna talk", "but not in here”.

"Alright then, where do you suggest we ‘talk’ Jooheon?” He took his phone out to check the time. 10:44 p.m. He pursed his lips and said, more like hesitating, "I could walk you home?"

You stared off into your group of friends. This was going to make their night interesting. Seeing you two go together again, just like all those times before.

Jooheon's been waiting for this since he saw on your social media that you were leaving the city. And Jasmine took care of letting him know that you would be coming back in about 6 months.

That was a year ago. More than 365 days waiting to be in the same room with you. Praying that you would let him talk to you. Not that you would reject him. But he was scared, he was perfectly aware he messed up everything.

As you were both saying goodbyes to your friends, you started to think about how everything had ended between you two.

You know what? Yes, maybe I was wrong in ghosting him but after all, I don't owe him anything. Just like he threw me out of his life two years ago. We didn't work out, he never communicated with me. He didn't choose me back. I just had to watch him get rid of me, no explanations, no nothing. And I find it really hard to believe that he's been dying to talk to me. What could be so important that he wants to have a proper conversation? How will I explain to him that I stopped replying for no particular reason? That I just realized that we weren't good together, and I had to let go of him? Should I tell him that no matter my hard feelings, I still thought about him constantly?

You had left each other in the cold back then.

He called your name, and you snapped back to reality. Didn't even realize you were already outside of the bar when he softly asked you, "aren't you cold?"

You smirked and told him "Well yeah, walking back home in this weather wasn't in my plans dummy, but I didn't bring a jacket though".

He used to be so attentive to you. One of the other things you used to love about him. Always concerned about you.

He simply put his jacket around you and started walking before you could complain about something as simple as this. Like you always did.

It feels nice to know that someone in this world knows you to this extent. The way you’ll react to simple things. How can you still love someone despite knowing that you don’t work together?

You realized he still has this jacket. It's the same one he gave me the first night we spent together. Why do I have to remember this now? Not fair. Maybe he wore it on purpose.

You gave a little run to catch him. Now that you were by his side, you were getting impatient, "Can you please start talking? I'm intrigued by all your seriousness".

You were kind of hating this feeling. Everything about him felt familiar. Suddenly, you wanted to cling your arm to his but thought twice about it.

He chuckled. "Well it's not super serious, I want us to have a nice conversation, you know?" You snorted at this, what does a nice talk mean?

"I can be nice, as long as you tell me WHAT you wanna talk about…", "come on Jooheon, just get to the point".

"Okay!! OKAY… I-" he took a deep breath and continued, "First of all, I want to apologize to you for everything, then I want us to talk about what happened between us if that's okay with you?"

You'd be lying if you didn't say that you wanted this to happen since you drew apart the first time. You always dreamt of having an adult conversation with him.

But the dream left your mind bit by bit. Just like your heart got itself back together after he left you, piece by piece.

Overwhelmed, you could only stare straight ahead into the street. He called your name again. Now your eyes were on his, and you could see his concerns. How his mind was going miles per hour, just like yours.

"I want to apologize too,” you smiled and finally let yourself link arms with him. “It’s gonna take us a while, isn’t it?”.

The walk to your apartment took around 15 minutes. The words you exchanged with Jooheon were kept to a minimum. You weren’t gonna get into the heavy stuff right there in the street.

When you finally arrived, you gave him back his jacket. It was gonna get uncomfortable to talk with him with a piece of clothing that made you remember too much.

“Want something to drink? I have a beer, wine, you name it”. He sat on your couch while you searched for something non-alcoholic in your little fridge. “A beer would be okay”.

You got yourself some water. Otherwise, your head would be fuzzy, and wouldn’t be able to tell him all you’ve had on your mind for years.

You handed him the bottle, and you took your seat on the carpet. Your mind wandered off to the last time he was in here.

When he told you goodnight and planted a soft kiss on your lips like he always did. You knew it wasn’t a simple ‘good night’, for you.

You remembered how your eyes followed him until he closed the door of your apartment.

He took a swig of his drink and by the time he put the bottle on your little coffee table, it made you realize he was sitting right there, in front of you.

Finally, gathering the courage to start telling you what was on his mind. “I never thought I’d get the chance to talk to you again”.

I didn’t think so, either. We both fucked up multiple times.

──────────────────────

You were never a couple. After 5 years, you never understood what had lacked between you. The desire was there. Now and then you had your moments of happiness. Usually on the weekends.

When you met, you weren’t looking for love or a serious relationship. At least one of you.

Jooheon was free, like the wind or like a bird. He flew back and forth and once in a while he needed to land somewhere for a while. Every so often he sought another fire, another bed, other arms that weren’t yours.

The time came when he made you feel a million things inside. Overwhelmed with words and emotions, mostly love. But also turmoil and maybe desperation.

It made you happy that he made you feel so much after being empty for months. You felt different with him. It was the kind of love you didn’t know you had in you. Didn’t even think it was possible to express about someone like this. Until him.

You didn’t need anyone else. You just needed Jooheon. Not only that, but you didn’t care for how long your love would last because you believed that the meaning of the word love was what you had built together.

A few hours together. Every so often the whole night.

But when the morning came, the nightmare started to take form. Texts at inappropriate hours, and even unanswered messages.

You started thinking that you didn’t know better. You started feeling insecure. Replaceable. Maybe he knows better than to be with me.

Desperate to know what you had. But afraid that you would ruin everything with the words “What are we?”.

Tried to convince yourself that all of this was okay. That it was a good thing that you were going slow, giving him the chance to open up to you.

Months kept passing and your trust in him was running thin. He made you feel weird on the daily. Wondering if he was seeing someone else. If he danced with someone tonight. Had they kissed? Is he having sex with someone who isn’t me? What if he’s tired of me?

You wanted to be with him, but It was starting to hurt.

I hate that when I try to get myself to think that I don’t like you anymore… you do these little things that make me love you.

When you were together, he treated you like there was no one else for him. His hand was always wrapped up in yours. Talking until dawn, about college, his family, and your relationship. Those times, you couldn’t lie to yourself about your feelings.

He was the only face you could see in the world. The only guy you’ve ever wanted to keep around. But how did we get to this point?

The day you told him you were starting to fall in love with him, all he could reply was, “I don’t know what to say, I never thought you would be in love with me”.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Well what do you want me to say? You took me by surprise”.

“You could tell me how you feel. I’m not expecting for you to tell me you love me back, I-“

There’s no return now, you have to keep talking.

“I’m just tired of not knowing what’s in your head, I’m not sure if you want to have something with me anymore, it’s okay if you don’t so, just be honest with me”.

“I like you”. You stayed quiet after hearing this, urging him to tell you more than just three words.

“I mean, of course, I’m attracted to you”.

At that moment, you liked what you heard. But the more you thought about it, you realized that he didn’t actually care for you, or loved you. Maybe that was a greedy thought from you. Maybe you expected too much.

You were angry but mostly angry at yourself.

Why are you still waiting for him? It's been years and nothing has happened between you. Nothing ever will at this point.

You ended up telling him not to bother you again, that if this was his way of ‘loving’ you, you were better off without it.

But that was a lie, you longed for your phone to show his name, even if it was at 5 A.M. Still thinking that there was no other way to love someone.

Unable to put an end to it, months kept passing and nothing changed between you. Jooheon had many others, and you only had him.

You loved spending nights like this by his side, watching him sleep, wondering for hours about you two. Unable to explain how you could love him this much.

Maybe he did love you, but you can’t handle this kind of love anymore. It’s better for both of you to end this, whatever it was because it's driving you crazy. And you meant it this time.

Jooheon told you goodnight and planted a soft kiss on your lips like he always did.

You knew it wasn’t a simple ‘good night’ for you, this was the last time you were gonna let him in. Your eyes followed him until he closed the door of your apartment. Fighting back your tears while softly saying to yourself, “I’m always going to love you…”.

The texts at 5 A.M. came again, but this time there was no answer. Jooheon started calling and sending texts for days, but you didn’t reply. All your efforts in disappearing from him on social media weren’t stopping him.

He met someone else, yet the texts wouldn’t stop. Until one day they did.

Now and then your curiosity would get the best of you and you would see his Instagram stories with her. An older girl you had met once. They were supposed to be friends.

You wanted to avoid comparing yourself to her but, he never posted something with you. It’s a dumb thing to worry about, but it’s one of those things that sometimes matter.

You tried to understand the whole situation. Accept the fact that you two weren’t meant to be. That he didn’t see a future with you.

Your days stopped revolving around him. You focused your time on getting your degree, learning another language, going out with your friends. Even tried meeting new people.

There were a few here and there. No one was enough for you.

Your ideas of love and relationships were different now. You gave another meaning to the word love. You wanted to find someone who would love you and take care of you. A quiet kind of love, real love.

What you had with Jooheon, was something you never wanted to experience again. Days went by, even months until you saw each other once more; for the first time in Jooheon’s life, he felt a knot in his stomach, he knew he lost you, for good this time.

Months passed and Jooheon left his girlfriend. He now felt different because he looked for you in everyone, yet he couldn’t find you, and he felt empty.

He cursed himself a thousand times for not knowing how to appreciate you and the love you gave him for two whole years. Tears finally fell from his eyes, he couldn’t believe he was crying for someone, crying for love, crying for you.

He took his phone out, swallowed hard, and started typing another text.

“I miss you, and I need you with me now and always, I never thought I would say this, but I’m not happy without you. Maybe I should’ve loved you less and loved you better, I just want you to know that I’ll always be waiting for you my sweet y/n…”

But the message was never delivered. You had changed your number.

It made sense that you would do that someday. It’s been too long, but this didn’t stop him from sending you texts in the middle of the night. When he felt the overwhelming need to have his arms wrapped around you.

──────────────────────

I still love you

(9:05 p.m.)

no, I don’t

(9:06 p.m.)

I’m confused why did this happen

(2:26 a.m.)

I want you to be happy, if this is what it takes then I’m okay with it. be happy. for me. please.

(10:45 a.m.)

I kind of hate you for changing your number

(8:57 p.m.)

I’m sorry

(1:43 a.m.)

maybe if I wasn’t so fucked up this wouldn’t have happened

(3:37 a.m.)

why can’t things be like they were before

(10:13 a.m.)

please come back to me. I need you. You need me

(1:58 a.m.)

I still want you

(4:06 a.m.)

──────────────────────

The day you left town was the day he swore to himself to try his best to get another chance to talk to you, just once more. To make things right, not caring anymore about his pride. He just wanted to let you know everything he didn’t say when you were by his side.

That he was sorry that it took him too long to acknowledge he was wrong. That he knew he was a little too late and wishes that he could say something more meaningful than a simple “I want you back”.

──────────────────────

“I wonder why” You smirked at him.

The more you kept making eye contact, the more you realized you didn’t feel any kind of resentment anymore. You both had grown, and while you didn’t actually need this kind of closure, you figured this was the healthiest moment to do so.

His eyes were avoiding you now, his smile was still there, but you could tell he lost a bit of his confidence. “Okay, so I’m gonna talk first, please just hear me out. I want to rip the band-aid,” He said with a forced laugh.

“I don’t know why I could never tell you that love scares me. That it scares me to be attached to someone”. His tone was soft now.

“I still play in my head the day you told me you were falling in love with me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you not to tell me those things because you could have changed your mind any moment”.

“I never told you how I felt one of the many nights you spent with me. You were stroking my hair and I seriously felt like crying because I was fucking scared”.

“I was scared to lose you”.

“I’m sorry because I know I made you think I didn’t want you for something serious. I’m sorry for being immature”.

“I look at you now, and I’m happy to get to see you like this. You’re still everything I’ve ever wished for and more. You need to know that nothing compares to you”.

“And believe me, I don’t expect you to take my words as a way of asking you for another chance, I know I don’t deserve it… but I would really love it if you could let me show you I could love you better this time”.

You never imagined these words coming out of his mouth. Couldn’t believe how he was looking at you. Hopeful but understanding at your loss for words.

“Can I ask you one last thing?” His voice was barely audible, but you nodded at him.

“Well, maybe it’s not an actual question, but I’d like to know why you stopped talking to me”.

“Look Jooheon, I don’t know how everything I wanna say will come out, so please bear with me”.

You didn’t know where to start, either.

There were so many things to be said that you were getting nervous to start talking. Because once you opened your mouth, you didn’t know if you would be able to piece everything together.

“When everything ended I really wanted to hate you, everyone around me hated you,” you admitted to him, “except for me and I hated that”.

“I knew that all I could be able to do was cut you from my life, so I just decided to stop talking to you”.

It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. “I admit it was a poor way of handling things, and I’m sorry for that”.

You’ve always been scared of having this type of conversation.

You let out a sigh because you never thought that the following words were gonna come out of your mouth, ever.

“I’ve only been in love once in my life, and that was when I was with you”.

“It used to frustrate me that I wasn’t able to make it work with anyone after you. I couldn’t help but compare everyone to you”.

“I swore to myself that I never wanted to go through the same thing we had, maybe because those memories are yours and I don't want anyone else messing that up, you made me feel so safe, I felt alive with you, nothing could stop me when I had you”.   “You've been the only one I've ever wanted to see every day, no matter the hour or how busy I was, I truly wanted everything with you”.

You hadn’t noticed how he had been looking at you this entire time. He couldn’t believe that you used to feel that way about him. Still couldn’t wrap his head around hearing you say how you loved him.

You quickly wiped a tiny little tear that escaped your eye, hoping we wouldn’t notice. But he did.

You let out a nervous laugh and said, “I’m not sad, I swear, It’s just that I never thought I would say all this out loud, especially to you”.

“You don't know how many times I wanted to call you, run to you”.

“Last year before I left I wanted to see you, I kept trying to convince myself that It didn't have to mean anything, that I was just desperate for any physical touch, but from time to time, I wonder if what I really needed was just you”.

He didn’t say anything. So you just said his name out loud. “Jooheon…” Followed by a long pause.

“I feel so different now”.

“When I was far away from you, I realized that I need someone who isn’t absent when it comes to me, someone that isn’t a ghost in my life”.

While you were talking, you were watching his every move and how he couldn’t stop playing with his rings. You’re still not used to seeing him act like this.

“At this point, I want someone who will take care of me, that makes me feel safe. Someone who wants to be with me because they love me, and they love to have me next to them. I’m beyond only spending the night over, I want whole days”.

You finally got up from the floor and sat next to Jooheon. Facing him, making him do the same. He kept looking at you for a whole minute but it felt like hours.

You didn’t know what to do after his following words.

“What I realized with being away from you is that I was pushing away what I’ve always wanted. I wasn’t confident that I could meet you where you were. I felt it would be better not to waste your time back then, but that was then, and this is now…”

You kept looking at each other a little too long. Both realizing you didn't need words anymore. The love was still there.

#monsta x #jooheon #joohoney #jooheon imagines #jooheon oneshot #jooheon monsta x #jooheon angst #jooheon fluff #monsta x fanfic #jooheon fanfic #monsta x fluff #monsta x angst

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eilooxara · 2 years

Text

I think that metamour who keeps bringing me water is into me

Like it checks out, right? This girl brings me drinks multiple times per day because I'm always dehydrated, and this evening I was lying on the couch and she put a blanket on me, that seems like a very non-aggressive move set but a move set all the same

However, I know that I tend to read false positives on the "does this person like me" test if they are doing things to help or take care of me

Like. I used to feel like people must be angry and resentful of me if they're doing something for me (because why didn't I do it already myself), and that has caused relationship problems, and I have worked hard to overwrite that trauma response and it worked, I no longer feel anxious if my wife washes dishes or whatever, but it worked too well and once I got mushy feelings when a random coworker cleaned a work space I was in

So anyway false positives are a thing there but I think this woman is into me

The thing is, I would expect to like. Give more of a shit? Idk. I guess I just don't reciprocate. Which is fine, I just am reflecting on the fact that I seem to have changed how I choose potential partners over the past several years. Like. I enjoy her company, she's reasonably attractive, but I don't feel anything much about her interest. That's like. New? Previously "a person I generally like and find attractive is interested in me romantically" was sufficient to get me romantically interested in the person in question. Hell, there have been times when I compromised on the "generally like" part, to my subsequent chagrin, just because the feeling of being desired is so alluring to me

I guess it's just that I am all set? I'm not currently overflowing with love that needs to go somewhere, it's all got places to go. I'm not empty and longing for someone who's missing

I guess that's what the word polysaturated exists for. Previously when I have felt polysaturated it was more distressing, though--it was a state of feeling constantly unable to keep up with the different and sometimes conflicting needs and desires of my partners at the time

And that SUCKED but it is over, I'm not spread thin I'm just... All set.

Or perhaps somewhere in there I developed standards that she does not meet. Maybe I have enough experience of loving people who are remarkable to me that an ordinary level of attraction feels slim now.

Or perhaps I've only got so much room for new relationships, and I have one of those. The relentless giddy distracting high of a new relationship has faded now; that's a good thing, it means I have the ability to think thoughts other than "mmmm girl pretty she should pay attention to me some more" and we have moved into the phase of the relationship where the really good stuff is, the part where you learn new things to love about one another every day. The giggly exuberance is a fun phase but I find it exhausting as well. Point being, it takes spoons to do that part and I don't have any. So that could explain the anomolous lack of interest too.

Anyway none of this has a point, I just noticed something within me happening differently than I expected

#late night meanderings #eilooxara discusses romance #eilooxology

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skimcasual · 3 years

Text

tbh, I hate using social media today. It’s an otherwise perfectly fine Saturday, except it’s *that* day so I gotta go mute words such as “victim” “victims” “towers” and “9/11″ to make it less obviously *that* day. And I live in New York (the state not the city, but we are only about 2 hours drive from NYC). What I dislike the most about today is the nationalism and the racism (xenophobia).

I thought I might write down what I can remember of *that* day so that I may never have to recollect it or think about it again unless I want to. I remember I was in 10th grade. The teachers were muttering something to each other, and then I changed classes to go to science. At science class, the TV was on. Every classroom had a TV that was primarily to watch VHS tapes on (some classes were lucky enough to have a DVD player attached to the TV) but it was playing the news.

I had never seen the news on the TV in school. The science teacher hardly used the television let alone put live TV on it. So I knew something really weird or big must have happened if the TV needs to be on and if the teacher’s staring at it. I don’t remember exactly what time it is, but it was morning.

I don’t remember the exact details on if we were watching the TV before both planes hit or only one plane hit, but I remember the rest of the week was really weird. People were sad-ish but nobody in the school that I knew personally had any direct family that had died. I think one of the teachers -- maybe my English teacher Ledet -- mentioned that their dad had helped build the towers.

I was very bipolar disordered most of my teen years, so during a low, I drew scary black and red drawings to see what it was I was feeling out onto paper so I could see it. My mom later found those drawings and scolded me for drawing frightening drawings when everyone is very sensitive because of the recent events. I also wrote some stories to exploit the recent event that my friends told me were in poor taste so those stories never saw the light of day ever again.

There was two south asian girls in my regents math class with the new young blonde teacher that I did not like. One girl had her hair tied back and another girl had her head in hijab. Like it was always perfectly pinned around her cute still-child-like face. Either both or just the girl in hijab suddenly stopped coming to school. Also some of the white boys and a few of the white girls were getting very aggressively nationalistic and talking about what they saw on the news or heard their adults talking about, which was mostly about how “America’s gonna go to war against terrorism!!!”, which I felt was none of my business but also I knew that was somewhere between xenophobia and racism.

Everybody white was really tense for a couple of weeks minimum over how they gotta get revenge.

I didn’t realize how much white folks were buying into this nonsense about where the terrorists came from and how America is going to go get them until I visited a white friend’s house. Their relative had come over for whatever reason, and when I mentioned there is no proven evidence that those specific terrorists are responsible, he got really mad at me (a fully grown male adult at me -- a 16 year old asian girl) that I didn’t believe the brown terrorists were responsible. I did not believe that information because 1. the information sure appeared quickly! way too conveinently quickly 2. the information is impossible to verify or has questionable sources

Anyway after that I stopped talking to white people about 9/11. I stuck to overhearing them.

And so much for all that talk about how racism isn’t that bad or that it was over that my white friends told me about in junior high and 9th grade when I’d mention various racist experience I would have: there was local news about south-asian taxi drivers in NYC getting beat up. I thought they said NYC is really diverse and less racist, yet white men were beating people up for not being white. It would still be another 5 years until I really fully understood how much racism was not over, but I think that was my first peep into how Japanese Internment was completely possible to happen again (and happened) to whatever group of non-white people that white people didn’t like.

By “NYC is diverse” they mean there was a variety of white and white-passing immigrants are welcomed there, but idk if the rest of us are truly welcome there. Apparently we can get beat up for driving taxis while looking like the wrong type of minority race?

It was after this that there was a lot of boomers on the news complaining that it’s too hard to take their shoes off to board airplanes, and there was baggage fees (there used to not be baggage fees), you had to take tiny bottles onto airplanes, you could no longer get through airport security with a bottle filled with water, the fact that there was airport security period???? And lots of cops everywhere and everybody white became very very very pro-cop and pro-firefighter.

That’s how I remember this day and as a non-white person it’s frustrating to know this all could have been avoided if white people saw more brown people than Aladdin and Prince of Persia. I guess every year when it’s today, I wish there would just be more stuff done to bring awareness to racism and xenophobia so that no more southasians get beat up by paranoid angry violent white people, but all folks ever do is hold candles for firefighters and give podiums to survivor families.

Oh, and for 3 years after *that* day I stole as many yellow ribbon magnets off cars as I could and threw them into the trash. I knew it was a made up war, and I thought people in support of the military are terrible. Another big contributor to why I don’t like military people is because I grew up in Korea.

#rant #abolish ice #no more dhs

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