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henriiiii-1001old · 11 months

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alt swap au ramblings bc they are rotating in my brain <33333

i just kinda wanted to ramble abt the characters' like personalities and stuff so ye :D

cain murray: pre vol 1 he was very outgoing and enthusiastic! loved meeting people and going out to parties or malls or whatever he felt like doing that day! however post vol 1, his newly diagnosed c-ptsd and general trauma from the incident caused him to shy away from people. he became overly paranoid of everyone around him, including his own siblings. and after the paranoia came the depression, which only worsened his mental state overall. he probably should not have been chosen to be the main face of bps lemme tell you that much.

mabel murray: the most level headed member of bps and is actually the one who came up with the idea for it! she had always been interested in the paranormal, and they also wanted to get to the bottom of the whole alternate situation due to them almost killing his brother. he handles all the online stuff for the group under the alias "stanley" due to its face being on multiple "alternate sighting report" signs all over the counties.

seth murray: struggles with a lot of things, such as emotions, feeling empathy, feeling. anything really. he was diagnosed with both aspd and autism from a young age, and a lot of people think he's basically unapproachable because of said conditions. he likes to be by himself for most of the time, but he does like hanging out with cain and mabel sometimes! he'll crack a few jokes with them here and there, and while he doesn't show it on his face he really does enjoy their company! he also may think davis is a little annoying and way too self centered, but he keeps him busy so he doesn't mind.

thatcher "davis" marshall: very self centered and way too cocky for his own good, but he's generally fun to be around! he's usually one to take really unnecessary risks, but they're usually all in good fun! he's the biggest troublemaker of bps as well, always finding a way to damage properly -- on accident or on purpose no one ever knows) -- or just messes around with the other members to poke fun. however, he is very self conscious about his appearance, and having a demon roommate with your name who constantly looks like your younger self doesn't help. he comes off as someone who would tackle a situation head-on except for the fact he runs from true danger at the first chance he gets.

lilith miller: very snotty and bratty and WILL BITE YOU if provoked. she had a troubled childhood where her parents were constantly fighting about her, which led her to get into multiple fights with classmates from school as a way to mitigate the pain. she most often fought with seth because they absolutely HATED each other and wanted every chance they got to snap at each other. the only place that wanted to hire her was dave because of said past, and she kinda hates him. but she puts up with him because she knows she won't be able to get any other job. she is very suspicious of her employer due to him having the only television in the state, in which tvs were banned for years at this point.

gabriel o'brien: lieutenant of the mcpd except he's less depressed and more concerned for the county. he ended up being the last member of the force due to the whole alternates thing, and he really tries to not let it get to him. he and maria weren't too close, but he did take her death as the first sign that things were definitely going to shit. he also doesn't trust dave very much, but he goes to him whenever he needs help with particular tech stuff regardless.

maria weaver: very softspoken and tried helping others whenever possible. definitely a favorite in the department before her death, and she is remembered dearly, even by those who left the police force. she had always wanted to get to know gabriel better, but she never found the courage to try and talk to him even if she was getting support from other friends in the department. and she unfortunately never got to make that step towards what could have been a really great friendship.

terry "toony" o'brien: gabriel's older twin brother who runs the local church in mandela. terry got the nickname "toony" from being SUPER obsessed with cartoons when he was a kid. he is very softspoken and genuinely cares about the county. while his brother tries to tackle trouble head on, terry is much more passive and tries resolving conflicts with victims of alternates and M.A.D. this did cause a bunch of arguments to spawn between the brothers, which led to terry wanting to cut ties with gabriel and led to his ultimate demise.

dave: literally canon gabriel but with a lil more whimsy. he still runs mandelatech, as it acts as a way to meet and kill victims faster. he keeps in touch with a certain terry o'brien due to selecting him as his "mandela prophet". he doesn't care at all for human life and just fucks around because he's basically god and will do anything to abuse his power, even against his own kind.

adam: one of the most active and most dangerous alts right under dave. he orchestrates a lot of child kidnappings around mandela and sometimes has eve and jonah help. while he is the most active of the alts, he doesn't really talk to them other than for maybe 3 or 4 of them (which would just be jonah, eve, dave, and seth). he's EXTREMELY manipulative and will do anything to get his way, even if things have to go off script for that to happen. the most prominent example of this would be adam having to tell seth the truth on his home computer instead of the basement.

eve: an accomplice to adam who helps adam kidnap and kill children for. whatever the canon reason would be. she mostly likes to occupy mirrors and creep in the shadows. in terms of kidnapping children, she'd be like a "motherly" figure, calming the children down when they get upset and making it seem like going with her would take them to a happier place with a happier family. of course it's all lies, and she loves to make them, especially when taunting a certain lilith miller.

jonah: an accomplice to adam and eve who also assists with their child kidnapping schemes by distracting children with a luring them in with a cartoon or some other sort of child friendly show. he is generally afraid of adam due to how often he bursts out in anger in front of jonah, but he takes it and pushes his own feelings down. he reluctantly follows dave's orders and hopes for the best really.

ruth: doesn't like to interact with other alternates often, and she isn't the biggest fan of causing deaths and stuff. she'd rather spread M.A.D. and be done for the day. she is only slightly tolerable of dave due to her working for him, but she seems to like "thatcher"? they've hung out a few times, and it was always awkward, but they'd sometimes like some quiet time and they'd enjoy each other's company anyway. she's probably met davis before, in which she'd think he's iffy. she think he'd only get in the way of whatever dave's plan is and almost killed him one time to try and ease that anxiety.

"thatcher": he is best described as just a lil guy bc that's really what he is! he is very curious about people overall and tries his best to not fulfill his alternate duties. his best excuse to do this without too many questions from other alts is stalking/rooming with davis and taking his appearance. he actually was first meant to haunt gabriel after vol 333 events, but thatcher found more interest in davis as he was following gabriel home. he is generally pretty shy and is willing to give a helping hand in whatever someone needs at the moment.

#long post #mandela catalogue #the mandela catalogue #evidence reel #alt swap au #as a quick note yes terry is new #i was thinking of who would fit in with a dave-like role but not really dave #so i picked toonbriel!!!!!#OH ALSO i am planning on drawing all of them again so stay tuned for that :)c

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itsjaywalkers · 3 months

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hello laurie!! <3 insane commute nonnie here (again) omg i read oby yesterday omw to class (ended up staying at my friend's again bc his roommate was still out. sadly he's back) and i should not have done that bc OMG?? BABE I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT THEM THE WHOLE TIME UT GOT SO BAD I SAW MY PROFESSOR (he doesn't even look like james. he's just fit in a 'Hear me out guys...' way)N BLUSHED I WAS ACTUALLY GIGGLING AT RANDOM TIMES THINKING ABT THEM also like. sirius n regulus in this😭😭 regulus cursing sirius out for being a good brother is so real to me as someone with 12 year older brother bc he spent my entire childhood terrorizing me n now he's the sweetest person Ever. not even in an evil way he's just genuinely nice to me so if i ever complain abt him everyone goes ??? YOUR brother??? its so annoying (i love him). just reg veing grumpy<3 he's my fav little purse man and ok oh god never thought i'd say this. i have NEVER gotten the whole daddy thing but now im just🧍‍♂️bc i need to call james potter daddy while he fucks me what who said that also like. extreme apologies for how extremely inappropriate this might've gotten i was up all night studying for a quiz we have today (cannot catch a break w these ppl istg) n i swear my brain refuses to function and i have no idea!!! (please pray for me) also i hope you're doing great<3 sadly i do know work and adult things but im glad to know that nothing bad's going on!! you deserve the best<33 also i Absolutely get being funnier in your mother tongue sometimes i have these sudden thoughts n they're soo funny but i have to translate them which is like. okay but the vibes change istg!! i usually end texting my siblings abt it bc someone deserves to know how absolutely funny i am!! (all i do is make dad jokes) and (im actually so sorry bc ik you prob dont mind the book-long asks but its still!! so embarrassing!! like girl why are you yapping sm!!) i haven't read the 2nd part yet (i read the first part n just stared ahead blankly for like an hour after i read the 1st part. it did things to me) but im gonna read it after my quiz as a little treat<3 thank you for writing them sm!!!<3

HI BABE <333 sorry it took me so long to get back to u, life has been soooo hectic istg

AND OMG IM STILL SO SHY ABOUT U READING OBY but i'm so glad u enjoyed it and that it had the desired effect, it's definitely not the type of story u should read in class or just like . in front of ppl . i don't blame u for getting all flustered around ur professor even if he doesn't look anything like james. it's just the vibe yk??? you're literally so real for that

sirius and reg in oby are !! so important to me !! i feel like they have the best relationship in all of my fics, bc they're on good terms on nothing happens too but they argue . a lot . and they're gonna have some issues down the line. and they're also very close in the boxer au but there's still gonna be a lot of angst regarding their relationship. in oby, tho, they're just brothers <3 they love each other so much <3 and i'm so glad i'm portraying their dynamic accurately bc a lot of their convos are based on stuff me and my sisters have talked/fought about lmao

LISTENNNN I ALSO WASN'T INTO THE WHOLE DADDY THING like i didn't mind it and i read it occassionally but i didn't seek it out. but now that i'm actively writing it . well . i guess i kinda get the appeal (girl who doesn't even have a daddy kink) SO I GET U I REALLY DO

u don't have to apologiseeee i'm always happy to open horny hours especially if it's for james potter <3 and also i know it's been a few days but i hope the quiz went well and that u never do that again bc u need to rest!! i mean it!!

i'm doing quite well actually!! work's been a nightmare but apart from that i'm great!! i recently moved into a new flat with two friends and the place is soooo nice i'm in love with it i can't believe it's ours <333 AND SAMEEEE i always complain about it to my sisters or my spanish friends bc it annoys me to no end like . i'm literally soooo funny and it pains me that you'll never realise bc it's only when i speak in my first language ugh

I REALLY DON'T MIND THEM BABE IN FACT I LOVE THEM NEVER STOP and don't apologise again i'll kick ur ass!!! and god you're so very sweet to me, i hope u enjoyed/enjoy it and i'm sending u the biggest hug + forehead kissie in the world MWAH <3

#asks #insane commute nonnie

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backseatloversz · 3 years

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misc todd and cameron friendship headcanons :-)

feat. misc general todd and cam hcs

first here r a couple ive posted before but just. rly love

they bond over loving bugs and lil creatures. they luv slowing down their friends and family to point out a rabbit across the road or frog on the ground :)

they start playing cards together during study hall or lunch or just whenever theyre bored in senior year. charlie gave cameron a deck but he forgot everything, luckily jeffery taught todd card games on rainy days and he still remembered a few :-)

considering this is a Neil Lives And Everyones Happy au, the other poets or sometimes just other classmates r like what are u doing!! can i play with u!!! i would rather do anything than homework!!! to which they say yes ofc

they stay friends past high school and college cause neither leave the east coast (state?), going into writing (todd) and education (cameron or both), so they still meet up every once in a while to talk about whatever adults talk about :)

neil lives au they talk abt their respective love lives (feat. anderperry obviously and chameron maybe. feat. gay cameron for sure).

canon compliant and bisexual todd au he gets a longterm girlfriend a couple years into college, and talks to cameron about her a lot

todd never told charlie he was mlm but charlie still seems surprised when cam asks if he knows about drew and mentions shes a woman :')

todd and drew only last a few years but they dont end on bad terms, todd just decides romantic relationships arent for him. him and cam talk abt this extensively cause idk theyre best friends now. best friends talk to each other about stuff

through parts of college and early adulthood theyre roommates bc a) theyre friends and have been roommates before so they already know it'll work together and b) they work/study in the same area so its convenient :)

ok back to high school. back to the angst realm. cameron can hear/see todd fighting back tears one time (or maybe vice versa idk) and he just says youre gonna get a headache. from holding it all in, you know? says something about how even if you dont care about repressing ur emotions u should at least care about your short term physical wellbeing. and choking down sobs fucking physically hurts man! so blah blah blah they talk a while longer and then whenever one of them seems emotional but cagey the other will say smth about a headache; not necessarily cause a headache is always what they'll get, it sorta just becomes their words for "dude dont repress your emotions its not good for you"

for the chameron crowd this may or may not have been a tactic charlie used to use on cameron (but never on himself) and when he gets expelled cameron has VERY bittersweet feelings towards him. something something you talked to me about emotions and sexuality but the last time we spoke it ended in you punching me. um

another lil hc ive mentioned before; when charlie gets expelled, he writes to all his friends and all his friends write to him. except for cameron, both still have too many pent up negative emotions to even think abt talking to the other again yet. but charlie never says anything when todd mentions how cameron's been doing

oh btw. maybe i shouldve put this one at the start. i hope no one minds my hc posts are so messy lol. todd is the only/first one to extend an olive branch to cameron post-canon. maybe people expected him to be the last cause he was grew to be close with neil so fast, but like. at the end of the day, he knew all the poets the same amount of time. obviously not each of them as well but he didnt have a lot of history with cameron, good or bad, that'd back up a hatred over betrayal or whatever. he was the first one to nod when cameron tentatively came to sit with them during lunch or study hall or whatever. very "havent we all been through enough already" attitude that the rest of the poets quickly get, too

whats something nicer. i wanna end this on a lighter note. time jump back to post-college years roommates. one day todd is like so do you ever wanna find someone to settle down with? and cams like havent i already? and todds heart just. melts. its not in a romantic sense but like. hasnt that been their goal since high school? breaking tradition

#:)#this is so long ... so messy ..... enjoy idk #i feel like. a lot of this may be ooc. whatever. do you want me to keep going i can keep going (probably)#todd anderson #richard cameron #neil perry #charlie dalton #dps #dps headcanons #long post #character death #ask 2 tag #cowboy posts

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fapper · 2 years

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Girl what right does your roommate has to be mad at you for having covid when the other day she was asking you if her sister who had covid could stay in the dorm with yall??... idk how it works in the us or with your college in specific but if you can, contact a doctor, take some medicine and rest. Email your professor again and tell him youre not feeling well to attend classes and that youre unfortunately gonna have to skip and what solutions does he have in mind for that bc it should not affect your participation. And honestly its your right as a sick person to rest... like if you had work you wouldnt be able to do home office while sick, how is it diff from studying yk.. ik its scary bc you may be immunocompromised but contact a doctor right away and they will know what medicines you should take so it doenst progress into something worse and dont go out!!!!!!! Fuck your friend also for being mad at you for having covid like wtf.. how were u supposed to know, you dont have a crystal ball. I really hope you feel better soon both physically and mentally!

THANK YOU LITERALLY THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST CONSCIOUS OPINION I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY LIKE… thank you it really means a lot this makes me actually want to email that prof tell him i literally an immunocompromised and should be excused from class cuz wtf 😭 and the roommate ur so right… i agreed to her bringing her sister who HAD covid so like i guess we’re even now. But this place is messed up plus they STILL havent contacted me or told me anything abt going to an isolation unit and its been 4 hours like wtf! I should be out of here 😭😭😭😭😭😭 its like worrisome and its fucking me up and idk why but every time i cough now my chest hurts or when i breathe in it hurts likeee 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 that prof is actually insane i have that class in 30 mins i should think abt emailing him. But should i. Idk. Its like only an hour class but its gonna be awkward cuz im gonna be the only one attending it online… and im gonna be discussing stuff with them so like its gonna be hard to talk w them online vs in real life 💀 bruh. I legit have shitty friends too like…

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diyeoracha · 3 years

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fanfic recommendations

for @kittensocute bc i heard “atsukita” and “iwaoi” in reference to fanfiction and i am There

i took your “i love slow burn or slow build fics... so i like relatively shorter burn fics (20-30k). If its a 10k oneshot slow burn hELL SIGN ME UP” and absolutely ran with it.

i listed my fav iwaoi fics (17) with a longer word count (longest is 80k) that are all mostly either canon compliant or divergent with only two straight up AUs. none of them feature heavy nsfw content and most if not all are tagged as friends to lovers lmao. feel free to read the my thoughts or just go into them blind!! and they’re all in order of how much I absolutely adore them :^)

now atsukita is not a big ship *sobs* but here are some of my favorite fics (7) of them! a lot of them are shorter bc i guess that’s just. what happens when it’s a small ship LOL.

the formatting in this is fucked if you open it from ur dash but if it’s on my actual blog it should be fine!

Iwaoi

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

Word count: 66k

thoughts: my absolute absolute absolute favorite iwaoi fic. the characterization, the fact that oikawa’s a bastard but because he and iwaizumi are older (late 20s i believe), it feels more realistic and sad rather than oikawa being a bitch for the sake of it. spoiler alert it’s slow burn and pining and mostly oikawa not realizing his feelings. this world building is pretty cool bc iwaizumi is the professional player while oikawa is an entomology professor! also i love non-linear narratives bc of This fic. there’s mutual pining in this fic but it’s really really really subtle to the point where you dont even know if oikawa likes iwa. this made me cry like twice.

sunset towns

Word count: 33k

Summary: In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.

thoughts: the tone in this is So similar to the courtship ritual that I liken this as an alternate story even though it’s still oikawa’s pov. professional player oikawa and regular guy iwaizumi and oikawa is just. bumming around at iwaizumi’s place and naturally he messes up but things happen.

told before and told again

word count: 4k

thoughts: i looked through literally all the tags i could’ve thought of for this and nearly cried when i found it agian. outsider POV!!

In damp earth my body

Word count: 15k

Summary: Onscreen, the nation’s favorite setter has arranged himself so that he’s bowing, forehead pressed to the court, like he’s thanking everyone for their kindness thus far, like he’s asking for forgiveness. Hajime thinks: shit, it’s really happening

thoughts: oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and they blur the line between roommates/best friends and being fwb. this is an iwaizumi pov and the pining is obvious on his end. as a iwa stan the tone made me feel weird bc it makes it seem like iwa cares more abt oikawa than he cares abt himself but. its a good fic

i grew up, you grew down

word count: 19k

thoughts: this is also SO funny bc basically oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and becomes his stay at home wife and a bunch of shit happens like people think that oikawa is dating ushijima and oikawa basically loses it every time. here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Oikawa also bought a new ultra-strength vacuum cleaner he’d decided to name Ushiwaka out of sheer spite, because it sucked all the air right out of the room. Iwa-chan didn’t think the joke was that funny when Tooru told him, which was frankly very hurtful and insensitive.”

Mint

Word count: 19k

thoughts: iwaizumi is moving and oikawa planned a perfect last hangout and it goes to shit featuring matsuhana. oikawa pov where he pines more than iwa which is something i can get behind!! and this was written in 2015 and iwa’s moving bc of a sports medicine program so iwaizumi stans know and love him sm ;;

Almost a Stranger

Word count: 16k

thoughts: same premise as mint LOL except they’re on a trip together and there’s more non-linear narrative!! this one is a little more mature in tone than mint i would say (funny how people just like splitting them up and throwing them in different countries huh)

with every second that you could give

Word count: 9k

Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.

Quote: He knows they’re too close. Iwaizumi knows it too, and they both decided to move in together anyway.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates and they’re both obviously and really pine-y for each other and everyone sees it but them. srsly. they’re sleeping in the same bed. like my god

Lost in Translation

Word count: 9k

Summary: Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women’s volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.

thoughts: so funny. so sososoosso genuinely funny. the tone is so snappy and iwaizumi honestly just sounds like a confused teenager (which he is in this) and it gets extra points for including a lot of american culture that a lot of the other iwaoi college au ones don’t include for like. obvious reasons lol.

Something Borrowed

Word count: 16k

Summary: In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have always been a foregone conclusion to everyone else, but a massive, unanswered question to one another.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates thats abo but it’s like. mentioned twice. whiny and possessive oikawa makes an appearance in this but it’s done really well

things that change, things that stay the same

Word count: 8k

Summary: Oikawa realizes he’s in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only for a little while.)

thoughts: high school getting together!! my second iwaoi fic ever and this one is just. so sweet. just an unsure oikawa realizing iwaizumi might be more than someone he wants as a best friend. this fic is honestly really really lovely.

galaxies, within you

Word count: 21k

Summary: Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.

thoughts: ok this fic was so funny. theyre uni roommates and matsuhana just come fuck shit up and they all act like idiots together even though they go to different schools. and this really throws me back to university days.

Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)

Word count: 19k

thoughts: pro! oikawa and iwaizumi haven’t been close for a while until oikawa invites iwaizumi to go to the games with him. there’s a lot of frustration and pining and actually talking about feelings (aka iwaizumi losing his mind and getting advice from people like akaashi)

when it starts to rain, they go inside

Word count: 33k

Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“ My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?” OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.

thoughts: this was actually my first iwaoi fic which is funny bc the author doesn’t even like oikawa much and i didnt even ship anything in haikyuu before i read this fic and now im in iwaoi hell. oikawa is really frustrating in this in that it’s basically a really good character analysis on how oikawa comes off as a Mean person all the time bc he’s manipulative and there’s some explicit content

shiver

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates with oikawa admitting his feelings first back when they were in middle school and iwaizumi putting that thought on the backburner until. obviously. things happen.

Desperado

word count: 80k

thoughts: one of my favorite aus. it’s all from kyoutani’s perspective and it’s almost so au that they’re original characters (if that makes sense). basically iwaoi matsuhana are ex-grifters except iwaoi are estranged and daishou somehow brings everyone back together. excellent world building and reading the pov from someone not involved with the iwaoi drama was refreshing

sing with me a song of conquest and fate

word count: 26k

thoughts: a mythical kings au that’s just. so pretty. iwaizumi ends up becoming oikawa’s servant for some reason and the world building is a+ because you can feel the trust and frustration from both of them build

Atsukita

dreams of me and you

word count: 10k (incomplete)

my second atsukita fic that rly sent me down atskt hell ;; what is essentially post-break up when atsumu gets signed to msby and he’s just Pining and sad for the most part. but the established relationship pre-break up was written really nicely because it just fits my hc of them just being domestic and atsumu being blatantly head over heels

take me home

word count: 4k

i read this this morning and it wrecked me. domestic relationship atsukita?? sign me up

No time like the rest of my life

word count: 19k

mythology au with kita as a regular person and rest of inarizaki as fox spirits! it’s cute and the world building is absolutely lovely but it is an au so they might seem ooc but their core character values are still there

wild blue yonder

word count: 6k

literally full of similes and metaphors and it’s more of an abstract read i guess? but it’s so beautiful and soft and this is exactly how i imagine their relationship

reap and sow

word count: 8k

atsumu confesses and kita ignores him and it’s a couple years after the fact and it’s mostly just weirdly domestic almost roommate like except for the fact that atsumu makes it clear he likes kita LOL. they’re really in character for this!

weightless souls

word count: 2k

pillow talk before atsumu’s first game! the atsumu pov and voice is amazing

if we were both alone

word count: 7k

now this was actually my first atskt fic that sent me down this rare pair hell. it’s an explicit chat fic (both tropes i usually try to avoid) but atsumu types like me (except for the nsfw parts alksfjd) so i guess i like. feel appreciation LMAO.

if you do read like any of these fics pls let me know so we can discuss

♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

#iwaoi #atsukita #i added some more on friday feb 19!

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windsweptlassie · 3 years

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On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

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dameferre · 3 years

Note

i also wanna know abt who am i really 👀

okay. so. ‘who am i really’ is the first zukka thing i ever wrote, started before i had even. finished watching the show lmao

basically i have 25k of it written, probably another 4-5k written in notes and an outline, but i am mature and knowledgeable of my own shortcomings enough to know there’s no way in hell i’ll ever finish it, because that 25k? isn’t even. 20% of the fic if i were to actually write it, like this shit would approach 200k in its final form and i very simply do not have the time to actually. write that lmao

but i’m happy to talk about it! so basically it was the whole ‘oh my god they were roommates’ premise except zuko is sokka’s downstairs neighbour, they fight over music volume, and for the first part of the fic zuko’s a bootlicking son of the city police chief and starting out at the police academy, who calls the cops on sokka for his music one night

aand i just realised how long this is gonna be so under the cut!

so we start from the ‘zuko’s a fucking asshole’ stage and move on from there, and then due to a couple of different mildly traumatic events zuko realises the police system is inherently evil, has his whole redemption arc slash emotional breakdown and quits the force, he gets cut off by ozai and moves in w sokka for cheaper rent bc sokka is a nice person (who’s seen the way zuko has been walking around looking like absolute Death for weeks) and also needs someone to help w the rent

we also start from the point where sokka’s dating suki, and zuko’s still coming to terms with his sexuality, so there’s all that to work through

basically it just goes into the development of zuko and sokka’s friendship, and zuko’s development as a person going from an incredibly sheltered, incredibly privileged life to... the opposite of that lmao and how his friendship with the rest of the gaang grows, and his personal journey, and whatnot, just a nice little mirror for canon except w more swearing and the author talking about how all cops are bastards

it’s all self indulgent nonsense and little bits of shit that popped into my head so i wrote it down, really, but here’s my favourite bit

“So I was thinking.”

“Never a good sign.”

“Ha, ha.” Sokka deadpans. “Seriously though. I want a GNO. Drinking, dancing, questionable choices, might even get some action if I’m on my game.”

“And you think this is something I would enjoy.” Zuko, the introvert who can’t dance, responds.

“You’ll enjoy it because you’re going with your best friends, one of whom is just getting over the emotional hangover of the end of a three-year relationship.” Sokka pouts. “We can even go to a gay club! It’s been ages since I’ve been to one.”

Zuko snorts, and looks back to the TV. “I thought you wanted to get some ‘action’.”

“I mean, I would also be fine with just a fun night out with the gang. But if there are interested parties.” Sokka shrugs.

“Well, forgive me if my idea of a fun night isn’t watching Toph beat the shit out of you for creeping on lesbians at a gay club.”

Sokka makes an exasperated noise. “C’mon, you know me better than that.” He says, throwing a cheeto at the side of Zuko’s face. “I said interested parties. I can be strictly dick-tly for an evening, no sweat.”

Zuko turns, brow raised. “What does that even mean.”

“Y’know. I wouldn’t say no to a girl of the bipan persuasion if she wants to make a move, but if I’m actively pursuing anyone, it’ll just be guys. And, y’know, any non-girl people who seem into it.”

A record scratches in Zuko’s brain. “You… why would you pursue a guy.”

“I dunno, if he’s hot?” Sokka says, looking at him like he’s crazy. “Or has a nice smile? Shiny hair? I dunno, why do you usually pursue guys, Z.”

“But.” Zuko stammers, staring at Sokka. “But I’m attracted to men.”

Sokka blinks at him. “…so am I?”

What. “What.” No seriously, what. “What?!”

“Is this… are you trying to be funny?”

Zuko stares at his roommate, frantically trying to understand what’s going on. “Are you trying to be funny?!”

“No, I’m being bisexual.” Sokka says, slightly defensively. “Because I’m bisexual?”

“Since when?!”

Sokka stares at him, then gestures to wall. “Zuko, that’s been up since I moved in. I know you’ve seen it.”

Zuko turns to stare at the wall, but all he can see is- “The flag?”

“Yeah, Zuko, the fucking flag. Did you think I just thought it was pretty?”

“Is-” Zuko flounders. “Is the flag significant?”

Sokka looks intently, somewhat crazed, at Zuko’s face, like he’s searching for something. Whatever it is, he obviously doesn’t find it. His arm is still held out towards the wall, and he uses it to gesture towards the flag again, more aggressively this time. “It’s the fucking bisexual pride flag, Zuko!”

“I.” Zuko gapes at him, still confused. “I thought the pride flag was a rainbow?”

“Oh my-” Sokka starts. “Are you fucking with me right now. Is this you fucking with me.” He pauses, staring at Zuko. “Jesus fuck, Zuko, there are different flags for different sexualities. That’s the bisexual one.”

Zuko stares at the flag, then back at Sokka, then back at the flag. Then back at Sokka. “Well how was I supposed to know that?!”

“Everybody knows that, Zuko!” Sokka exclaims, then brings his hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose. “Okay, I guess you just. Didn’t know that. Somehow. And that’s fine. Point being, I am bisexual. I am attracted to all genders, I’ve been- I thought- out since I was sixteen. So yeah. I’m bi.”

“But.” Zuko’s brain has been trying to process this information, and now rejects it entirely. “But that. You can’t be.”

Sokka gives him a weird look. “I can’t be?” His face shifts, into something sort of… defensive. Wary, almost. “Do you have a problem with bisexuals?”

“What?” Oh shit. “No, of- of course not! I- I love bisexuals! All of the- um,” Zuko’s mind races, trying to think of a bi person he knows personally, and then frantically widening its search to any bisexual human being in all of recorded history. “Jet! Jet’s bi! Love Jet, he’s, um. Yeah! Bi.”

Sokka’s face isn’t defensive anymore, but it is shocked. And- something else, Zuko can’t quite place. “You love Jet?”

“What?”

“You just said you loved Jet.” Sokka says, sort of quietly. “I just- I guess I didn’t know you guys were at that point.”

Zuko absolutely does not love Jet. Only Jet loves Jet. But Sokka’s looking at him, lit by the artificial glow of the TV, still the most attractive thing Zuko’s ever seen. So Zuko’s self-preservation instinct kicks in. “Uh. Yeah, you know.” He swallows. “It’s still pretty new, but. Yeah.”

“Well hey, that’s.” Sokka gives a small smile. “That’s great.” He places his hands on his thighs, pushing up off the couch. “I’m just gonna text everybody, see if we can get the night planned.”

He walks away, leaving Zuko to his mental breakdown in peace.

Sokka’s bi.

Sokka.

Is bi.

[later that week or some transition i haven’t written lmao]

“Zuko, you know I’m bi, right?” Suki laughs, but the grin slides off her face when Zuko hesitates. “You know that, right.”

Zuko makes a reluctant face. “I know now…?”

“Oh my-“ Suki stares at him, then looks at Sokka who makes a face as if to say ‘see, what did I tell you’. “Ew, Zuko!” She cries. “Ew, you thought- you thought I was straight?!”

“You had a boyfriend,” Zuko defends himself weakly.

Suki looks like she wants to scream. “I’ve never been so offended in my entire life.”

“Now you know how I feel.” Sokka says.

“Me! A straight girl!” She laughs, slightly hysterical. “Me!”

“Okay, I guess I just-” Zuko starts, but Suki holds out two fingers in front of his face, shutting him up.

“No no, that’s enough from you today.” She looks, wide-eyed, at Sokka. “What do I have to do, paint the fucking bi flag on my face?”

Sokka snorts. “He wouldn’t recognise it, anyway.”

Suki turns back to glare at Zuko. “I thought we were friends, Zuko.”

and then in a perfect world this would be followed by a montage of all the times sokka has definitely been openly bisexual in front of ‘still coming to terms with his own sexuality’ zuko who’d just. wrote it off as bro culture

#this au has so many fun things half-written for it lmao #shame most of them will die with me #wow i'm dramatic #if you can tell id just finished my schitt's creek rewatch when i wrote this so can i lmao #dickpuncher #elle writes things #elle answers your questions

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mothbug · 4 years

Note

maggie i’ve been trying to suss out the plot of ur bug lesbians for so long please tell me abt them. somehow it got into my head that they were?? like jaeger pilots? please confirm or deny

i can’t do a read more on mobile so i’m sorry in advance (coming back here after i’ve written this: it makes no sense. it’s all rambling. sorry. and i just put things everywhere randomly so this won’t even be typed chronologically)

yeah there’s giant fun robots! most of them are normal and fine but like a few of them are very fucked up

so there’s four pov characters and at the start of the story three of them are on the same ship and the fourth is the target they’re chasing? only one of them knows they even HAVE a target and is trying her best to stall because she and the target were roommates in fucked up robot catholic school. the other two are playing crazy 8s and being romantic and also terrified all the time but also doing a lot of theorizing about things because they know SOMETHING is up they just don’t know what’s going on. Bc you know. their commander won’t give them any information. and also avoids them because she hates narrative parallelism

also the one stalling is also having her blood drunk by her giant robot. and maybe being mildly possessed by it? so it’s maybe The most fucked up robot. it’s also a giant dog and a good boy. and an heirloom of a fucked up family. which may explain some stuff but honestly i think nisa’s mom was just a bitch and it didn’t have anything to do with the robot she’s just like that.

and she’s stalling bc she Knows she won’t turn perovskia in she knows she wouldn’t let her get hurt she Knows it’ll change her life forever if she finds her and she’s just not ready to face that. but yknow she has to so it was all just very silly of her but when something will change your life dramatically it’s terrifying even if you know that things currently Suck.

somewhere in here Arkansas’s family is threatened and it’s. upsetting. and i’m not sure what direction to go in with it but it will be important because her family means a Lot to her. she has two very good kind dads and a little sister named Tinsel. basically she has the only functional biological family out of all the characters and they make me :’) I also think they eventually meet Idabel and ADORE her and since she grew up without parents it’s just a very strange and emotional experience and. h. they r Wives. and the Trust family is all very sweet and kind even if Arkansas struggles a lot w gifted kid syndrome like i think her dads did their best even if they fucked up sometimes yknow. idabel goes fucking wild at the arcade like legitimately bloodthirsty and arkansas is just like i love my furious and powerful wife

anyway there’s some (a lot of) homoerotic space fighting (which perovskia usually wins BECAUSE she remembers when she and nisa used to spar and can predict what she’ll do. nisa ALSO remembers this bc. ofc she does. but perovskia had to learn how to adapt after Events bc her physical health changed a lot and she had to learn to be more careful about overexerting herself and also now knows how to swordfight. and moves more fluidly and confidently. so what nisa expects to happen often doesn’t bc perovskia’s fighting style has changed so much while nisa hasn’t really bothered to refine hers. anyway) perovskia (the gay little target that does a gay little crime and makes fun of you to piss you off) is like hey. what if you all committed treason it’s really fun and sexy. and then her adoptive mechanic mom gives everyone spinal surgery so their bodies don’t shut down and they won’t die :) that’s a thing by the way i won’t elaborate bc uhh :( but it is why perovskia has all the. nerve damage and chronic pain. i can elaborate on the actual Pre-story perovskia stuff later bc i think about it A Lot and it has a lot of bearing on her character but it’s also. before all this. but anyway if she hadn’t been bleeding out on Slice’s front lawn specifically she Would be dead. and there’s some fun narrative foil character shifts that happen four years before the main storyline but i will not say bc i’m tired

after this is Vague in my mind but a lot of it is Perovskia and Nisa reconnecting and just. talking. but being weird and repressed and deflective about anything Meaningful. And I have written a Lot about this so there’s more than I can condense but it’s very fucking good and. Idk. it’s a big shift in the narrative at this point and they’re just Agonizing about their dumb little feelings and it’s good. and P doing some work to make their giant fucking spaceship more stealthy. and Idabel and Arkansas being really cute and also going THROUGH it because i mean. a lot is happening. And it’s nothing either of them ever expected to happen but they’re like. hopeful for the future or whatever don’t look at me. It’s just like. put all of these characters on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere in transit and they all Have to have conversations even if they don’t want to because it’s HARD. nisa is forced by slice to learn how to make pancakes

Slice makes stew. They’re good at stew and contraptions and having a mild new england accent somehow. also canonically back in the scrapyard they would make things like the knife wielding tentacle constantly and perovskia would just stumble upon them. slice changed the live laugh love sign to say die cry hate because perovskia made fun of it. they r her mom.

so now they do some fun fun robberies and various crimes and it’s so sexy and i don’t think N and P are like. fully caught up at this point or know where they stand, so there’s a lot of very fun banter and having to work together despite really being afraid but also yearning to get to know each other again and just connect with one another honestly and openly after four fuckin years apart. because they’re both so different now but also very much the same. horse staring out into sea MAN. the thing is there’s no direct like. reason for them to avoid each other (at first P was shocked and overwhelmed and felt a little bit betrayed when she found out who was chasing her until she found out WHY. oh i forgot to mention Nisa BEGGED to be assigned commander for this mission bc she knew anyone else wouldn’t hesitate to get Perovskia killed. Forgot to mention that it’s IMPORTANT she fucking loves her so much god DAMMIT) but it’s just. tense and there’s a lot happening and it’s just. Ghhhdhbnm and ofc I and A have picked up on it since P showed up but it’s like. ok so what is Happening here. OH AND ONCE THEY START WORKING THINGS OUT IDABEL DOES START BEHAVING LIKE NISA’S SHITTY LITTLE SIBLING AND ACTING FUCKING DISGUSTED BY THEM ITS VERY FUNNY. they’re like perovskia you’re pretty cool what’s up with this. nisa sucks and also is a bitch. and perovskia says SHE CAN GET IT. and idabel says GET WHAT? BANNED FROM OLIVE GARDEN? and perovskia fans herself and is like yeah~ and idabel was just joking around but now is debating between mercilessly making fun of her and hitting her with a cricket bat. but god when P and N just get to hold each other in silence and security and just be. it’s . they. god. fuck. man.

oh i know this is a space story but perovskia just straight up has a sword (and some knives and maybe a gun idk) don’t ask me why idk but it’s very lesbian of her and she does gay little flourishes and is just. very annoying and i like her a lot. she’s very dramatic like her alias was madame revenant when she was living in the scrapyard and just doing some petty crimes like. she embroidered that jacket herself nobody calls her that she’s just a goofball. also warrior cats exist and she makes warrior cat fan animations. that just has to be true so warriors has been preserved for centuries. also she was presumed dead for a while uhh don’t think abt it too much but she likes that aesthetic.

Idabel takes the best to this new life of crime they are fucking FOR it she gets a FLAMETHROWER and Arkansas is like. wrow honestly my favorite thing abt them is that they’re both fucking INCREDIBLE pilots. like they know what they’re doing. and nisa is really really bad at it btw she cannot pilot a mech well. but this block of text isn’t about her i’m talking about THEM. Their chemistry is so good they r just. 🥺. and they both become Fast friends with perovskia because she’s just pretty likeable?? and ofc nisa’s jealous bc a) you guys don’t even like me :( but also b) that’s MY friend. it’s very funny. honey of course they didn’t like you you were being very unpleasant to be around. but arkansas does rlly wanna be friends with her and she and idabel have so much sibling energy it’s insane. i think they’d abel and cain each other for a scooby snack but also kill for each other. because they’re tiny girls who will growl at you solidarity and also probably hang out and just destroy things with bats sometimes. they all become closer and get a rlly sweet found family dynamic it just takes a While. oh also idabel is basically the chosen one and can set things on fire with her hands but it’s barely touched on because i think that’s a really funny thing to just ignore. but i also think it does become important because it’s largely fueled by anger and emotion and. h. i think idabel has a lot of feelings ok. Arkansas and Perovskia bond over having fucking anxiety disorders and have caprisun drinking competitions. i think it’s just like. these people all have similar trauma and need people to lean on when things are hard so they stick with each other once they have the option to split apart because by then they’re friends and work well together and Care. auto tuned baby crying mp3.

Alia and Agent Variety show up somewhere around here? They’re Slice’s very cool wives and Alia has a Vechicle Collection and own fucking stupid race cars and stuff and I love her. perovskia is afraid of being in vechiles so she has to take a fucking benadryl every time they have to make a getaway. Variety isn’t actually an Agent anymore and I also love HER because she’s very fucking good. they started out as just contacts slice had but it turns out they’re all in love <3 alia is also actually a sports car racer like. unprofessionally. illegally. which is just very cool of them.

Also i don’t think it has. a very BIG end, yknow? it’s like, they’re doing very good things and are up against a lot, and I don’t think they like.. singlehandedly take down the government or anything because they’re only a few people. but i think they get a happy ending and get to grow old while making positive changes to the world around them. like i don’t think they’ll be able to solve everything but they’re sure as hell gonna do what they can. But idk maybe they actually do get like. some good shit done. but again they’re not. an army. they’re a bunch of 20-somethings and their rube-goldberg-machine-creating chaperone. but i think they should get a fun climactic moment so i guess this is all to say i don’t. have an ending planned. but there should probably be one at some point.

OH AND the giant evil blood sucking dog vineyard vines robot Definitely almost kills Nisa (or at least fully destroys her in some way) and. it’s very narrowly avoided and she’s very very weak for a while because it took a lot out of her. also the dog robot does make grape vines grow and uhhhh any grapes that show up are 100% full of the pilot’s siphoned blood. also i think there’s still some remnants of that bitch in nisa’s mind afterwards bc an old mechanical god is hard to get rid of. but it’s mostly ok.

Also the bug people are just. a thing. like every person in the most recent generation in this specific society are at least a little bit genetically experimented on because. it sucks there. and i think if your parents bribe the government you can be a little Less fucked up but yknow. everyone’s a little weird. this was an excuse to put bug ppl in here they’re just the folks who were probably the most fucked with and i have many bug people here because i think bugs are cool and i want them to look like weird little bugs. This was all also an excuse to give the main characters fangs bc i’m gay. i don’t think randomly fucking with your genetics will make you a bug in real life so do not try this at home or at all PSA

SPEAKING of the society ok it’s very much obsessed with earth nostalgia and stuff and very yknow. basic cyperpunk shitty capitalism you know the drill you’ve seen space operas whatever but it’s also weirdly oligarchical? and like? it’s weird and bad and kind of a corporatocracy?? and. fuck. idk man they’re a fucked up space catgirl greeble-y amazon with catholic imagery. The Academy is also a thing but. idk how to describe it more than i already have it’s just kinda shitty boarding school. And after a certain point ppl can get sent on like. missions and stuff? in their fucking robots? but again i’m not sure what For. an option could be that there’s nearby Shit and nobody can tell if it’s safe because space is weird? also it’s only about 3200 so i’d say like. whole societies out in space is a relatively new thing and there’s some weird shit going on. so they sometimes send teenagers out in robots to see what’s up and that ends SUPER well for EVERYONE. hmm something SHOULD be going on actually there should be some weird eldritch space stuff. it should be connected to the more fucked up robots. it should also be Core’s fault somehow because uhhh capitalism and lack of foresight? anyway here’s women kissing i don’t know things. WAIT FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HOW SHADY SOME OF THE STUFF GOING ON IS LIKE THE DEATHS OF THE CREW PEROVSKIA WAS ON UHHH JUST TRUST ME DUDE like they are NOT afraid to get kids killed which was IMPLIED but also like it goes a little deeper than that and uhh i don’t know exactly what’s happening. but i’m sure it’ll all fall into place eventually. basically it’s very fatt shitty faction vibes idk how else to describe it. man it‘s like. just. there’s stuff happening they have goals and ideals and there’s probably more to it than i know so far bc stuff happens but i don’t KNOW what i’m tired and have been typing this for a year i don’t want to talk abt the bad capitalists i want to talk about tenderness and girls but unfortunately the ways in which the girls are tender are deeply informed by the environment they grew up in so i do have to think about it even if they all deserved better.

i think they all get a cat or a dog or something eventually. like they all deserve it. i think the final home they build together is actually pretty reminiscent of the scrapyard house. i think they get to live there for the rest of their lives and. just build something small and wonderful for themselves :’)

also i forgot to put men in the story they exist i just forgot about them. there’s nisa’s one ex i already forgot his name but he’s mentioned i think.

#IM SO SORRY FOR HOW INCOMPREHENSIBLE THIS IS I DONT HAVEA PLOT I HAVE CONCEPTS #ocs #long post #LONG FUCKING POST I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH #death ment #body horror cw #maybe #catholicism ment #again just to be safe #injury ment #possession tw

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lullsoft · 4 years

Note

ooh i didn’t know you were planning on moving out of the country, that’s so cool to hear!! if you don’t mind sharing, what’s your plan with moving, career, etc?

HI! i know its kinda wild wacky news! the dates and all are tentative but like... its happening! so heres a breakdown of my plan...!

i graduated a year early from hs last may n am on a gap year! i just spent three months on a gap year program in spain and literally fell in LOVE. it was absolutely life changing

i talked to some americans while i was there n now plan to au pair!

bc i was already there, i was lucky enough to be able to meet the family i wanted to au pair with! the mom n grandma really liked me!!! :-) 💗💗💗

i just came back to the states abt two weeks ago n now im working towards getting all the visa information so i can go back as soon as possible

im set to au pair with that family march thru september where id be living with them, being fed by them, and being paid abt $65 a week to watch their kids 4hrs a day on weekdays just speaking english

as an au pair, i have to take language courses so ill be sure to be fluent in spanish by the end of it! in just those three months thru immersion n beginner classes, i can already speak really well conversationally!!! once i learn spanish ill be trilingual with french under my belt already >:-))

in octoberish, im planning on going to the university of sevilla! i have to have a B1 level in spanish which im sure ill have!

one of my friends will help me find a good set of roommates to move in with while living in an apartment as i study!

ive yet to solidify my majors n whatevs bc this is just a gap year but i think ill want to go to school for language n either music production or art in general! not sure yet! :-) but yea!

#🧿💗#op #chatter #asks

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nongbabe · 6 years

Text

Watermelon - Roomate Mark Lee

this scenario is entirely based off of this gif not going to lie

Scenario: Mark Lee just really likes watermelon and also you

okay so you’ve been roommates with make lee since the beginning of sophomore year

you wanted to live off campus to save some money

and mark was sick of living with a swarm of guys who never seemed to do dishes

and hey less people less mess

also you’re pretty tidy yourself so it was extra good

anyway you guys had a few mutual friends and they ended setting you two up not actually but also kinda actaully lmao they ship it roommate wise

your both juniors now, it nearing the end of first semester so you guys have gotten pretty comfortable with each

like really comfortable you tell each other everything

everything excluding one maybe significant factor in your guys relationship...

and somewhere down the time line of living in such a small apartment together that factor became more and more signifigant

maybe it was from him constantly walking around the apartment with just a towel on after a shower or him not wearing a shirt during the early fall and late spring because your ac doesn’t work right

maybe it was the time he made you breakfast when you were sick in bed

and by made i mean he attempted to fry and egg and it didn’t work

so he put a bagel in the toaster bc even he cant mess that up he almost did though good thing you don’t mind extra crispy

maybe it was simply his smile or his sense of humor or his laugh

ah but no matter what or when it was

you had fallen for him. hard. and probably more quickly than you cared to admit

and hed done the same just neither of you were sure enough of each others feeling or confident enough to let the other know

but it doesn’t matter not that much any way

you were happy enough just spending lazy days in with him watching movies or just chatting sometimes when it was raining sometimes when it was perfectly sunny out

you were happy just having him drag you out of the apartment to go on adventures kayaking, squirrel chasing, trying out fencing club even if you both really suck

or sometimes he’d even bring his own adventures home like board games or a random diy project

never let him convince you to paint the ceiling again ever he looked hella cute with paint all over his face tho

or sometimes he would just bring home random things from the store?

like one day he brought home a watermelon and youre not really sure why bc its the middle of winter and watermelons aren’t in season?? he fckn love watermelon thats why look at his smile in the watermelon gif i wish i was a watermelon

“It was on sale y/n I had to get it. There were only 5 left. What if someone else bought all of them”

“Someone must really love watermelon to buy 5 at once, crazy man”

“…..”

“hey remember when you bought 7 and couldn’t figure out how to get them home because you rode your bike to the mart an-” and he deadass covered your mouth with his hand boi

“shhhhhh, we don’t need to talk abt that right now y/n just help me cut it up okay”

You guys, with a lot of difficulty and some very dull knives finally cut the watermelon into slices

hes a full slice kind of lad not a cube dude

if it was already pre-cubed like at a party though he would sill eat it

its watermelon

and then you would cut up the watermelon

and mark would be so !!! so excited

be really love watermelon

its just so sweet!! and watery!! and melony!!!!

and you and him would bite into it and...

ehhhhhh

and it would kinda be flavorless

like not sweet at all

“it’s not that bad, Mark.. okay? you did your best picking one out”

and Mark would do that thing

that sad Mark thing

the :c the sad pouty disappointed look

Nobody wants a sad :c mark

so you kinda run your fingers through his hair and push a few loose strands

Its starting to get long. You like it though. It gives you more of an excuse to run your fingers through it

You pulled him into a tight hug, one of those really really squeezing the air out of your lungs tight warm ones, one of those hugs that you could easily play off as friendly, silly even

But wow was your heart beating fast and your palms shaking

Mark would freeze at first out of surprise but the pout would go away!!

He would just be a bit caught off guard. That’s why he’d go a bit stiff initially. You weren’t really the type to hug him so out of the blue You were more of a cuddle when sleepy, or intoxicated, kind of human, a lot lett straight forward

He really liked it though really really

So much that he would relax and rest his hands on the small of your back rather than just stand there like a statue. Which is what he ‘claims’ he usually does when people hug him just like he ‘claims’ he doesn’t like skinship bloody liar

but the whole time his heart is going crazy and hes so concerned youre gonna notice but also he really likes hugging you

your skin feel cool and nice against him especially because he feels like hes on fire but

wow are you pretty and wow does he like you

but you don’t need to know that bc that would make living together awkward but it wouldnt be bc u like him too otherwise we wouldn’t be reading this now would we jc

And finally concerned mark would take over and he would suddenly pull away and ‘cough’

“??”

“Ahh I just remembered I have to finish that chem lab report is all”

“we finished that together a week ago Mark?”

“…i meant essay”

“but didn’t yo-”

but he would already be running away and locking himself in his room

well as best he could bc he still doesn’t have a door

he broke it off of its hinge they day you guys moved in mark you cute disaster

but you still try and not bother him if he goes in his room

privacy and such

and you’d be confused but also freaking out

oh my god what did you just do what if you pushed the bounds what if things are weird now what if mark doesnt talk to you anymore and stressssssssssss

A few minutes later you would hear his shower turn on

like this kid

i thought you said you had an essay lying hoe

anyways hed come out of the shower like 15 minutes later

hes not fast at showering bc boi needs time to shampoo after all those wackado hair syles he gotta keep from getting bald ya know

also he needs time to think bc wow do you make him crazy

and hed walk out into your little ‘living room’ and sits on the floor because you guys still havent gotten a couch even though its over a year since the two of you have lived together

and you finally threw away that makeshift cardboard furniture from removing in earlier this semester because mark didn’t just fall through them one he kEPT breaking and getting stuck in them

so to save the boy anymore embarrassment you threw them out together

anyway so he sat on the floor looking all cute mark like in typical mark attire

“hey y/n can you come here. I gotta talk to you for a sec”

but youre already talking??

but you wouldn’t question it

mark’s tone of voice was pretty serious tone to his voice which didn’t happen frequently

so you walked over by him and briefly sat on the floor before laying your head on his thigh

bc he in much more comfortable than the carpet and you werent really a criss cross apple sauce kind of gal at least not when mark was around bc as;doije;dfihw;erio

hed reach down and stoke your hair and close your eyes and hum slightly

“y/n” You’d hum again keeping your eyes closed and enjoying his close proximity

and youd kinda lay like that for a few minutes

and just as you were about to drift off to sleep he stopped playing with your hair

youre eyes open slowly, confused

and then Mark leaned down and before you could process what was happening he was kissing you

and you would have to fight to not break into a giant smile

because finally you were starting to think that maybe you were just a friend to him

but nope bc now ur making out lol not really tho its just a sweet kiss and not super long or agressive

he pulled away, scratching the back of his neck while give you that side smile of his almost sheepish one, but more flirty than sheepish

he kinda mumbled almost what sounded like an apology, but he really didn’t look that sorry and he certainly didn’t feel it i mean neither did you cute boy mark lee just kissed you

“you taste like watermelon” you roll your eyes

his smile spread into a full blown grin and his lil nose scrunched up. he kissed your nose.

he chuckled and semi-jokingly licked his lips “but tastier than the one we just had” You cupped his cheeks and pull his face towards yours.

!!!!!

#can you tell i love him???#love of my life #mark lee #mark #roommate!mark #nct #this actually took me a really long time to write #i had to keep stopping bc feels #s;djvwe;iofkj #mark friggn lee #nct dream #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2018 #imagine #fluff #scenario

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jumpboy-rembrandt · 6 years

Text

hey do yall wanna hear an au idea i’ve had abt the seven birds as a superhero team? the plot is constantly changing, but here’s what i’ve got (warning it’s a lot and bullet points are used gratuitously):

an alien object falls to the earth, breaking apart as it falls. it scatters around a small city, and the pieces seem to hone in on the nearest living human once they near the ground.

(psst – this is the light of creation)

these seven (mostly) unrelated people slowly realize that they now have…unusual abilities

another alien entity follows, and its agents begin wreaking havoc around this city searching for the missing pieces of the light

(psst – this is the hunger)

individually, each person touched by the light ventures out to fight off these beings, especially since they themselves tend to be targeted.

these agents can get a vague sense of where the shards are, but not who exactly has them. thus, there is some degree of investigation done to find the individuals.

said agents can either be sentient or monster-like

the light-holders are all disguised as they fight – some for anonymity, some so that these agents have more trouble seeking them out, and some just because it seems like the right thing to do.

none of them knew each other before now, but they cross paths often enough that they realize they should probably group up.

most of them want to keep their identities secret, so they agree to do that while also making a few other decisions:

they should all have each others’ numbers. they won’t seek each other out, but it is important to keep in contact.

they should get better costumes (a plea from taako, who subsequently makes them)

they should have a theme

so they decide upon uniform colors and the title of “seven birds” because…idk, maybe they all like how poetic it sounds?

anyway, here’s a breakdown of each member:

magnus was struck by the light while sparring with carey behind their apartment complex. he was knocked over and carey kinda panicked?? but then he got up and said “did you do that?” and she responded “how would i hurl something at you from the sky, you’re fucking huge” and they moved past it

carey and magnus are roommates, so she’s the first one to notice when he starts accidentally breaking things and can knock her down more easily.

the weirdest part was when he was carving a little figurine and she jumped up behind him – to be fair, she thought he was drawing plans for something at the carpentry shop. they both saw the knife go directly towards his fingers and…bounce off. being magnus, he immediately tried to stab his hand and nothing happened. carey, being carey, poked the edge to see if it was dull and, ow, no, it wasn’t.

so, magnus has super strength and armor-like skin. a downside to this is that the changes weren’t entirely magic (think commitment), so he has to eat a lot more than usual and that’s. not insignificant.

the superhero name he chooses is eagle, which he called out immediately bc he wanted the best bird. his color theme is orange. his uniform doesn’t have sleeves, and it was a struggle for taako to even make him wear a shirt.

merle was hiking through the woods, and when he got hit he actually blacked out for a little bit. he woke up in a bed of flowers and, huh, that’s really convenient how it broke my fall

he works part time as an EMT and spends the rest working in a plant nursery. i. think you can guess how he notices what’s going on.

merle’s power is accelerating and manipulating organic growth, which means that he can both control plants and heal wounds. this does take a physical toll, as it is his energy being transferred. he also needs to eat a lot.

his superhero name is dove bc ~peace~ and stuff. his color theme is, naturally, green.

taako and lup were. uh. not getting in trouble. they were just having a misunderstanding. fortunately, said misunderstanding was not as fast as they were bc the misunderstanding was missing their shoes. they stumbled and fell as the light split at the last second and hit them both, but they quickly jumped back to their feet, turned a corner, and were home free.

both of them are studying masters level chemistry, so their discoveries are in public and require a bit of covering up. taako was trying to work out the chemical structure of a fairly simple crystal when it moved. he jumped, then tried it again, and found out that he could even separate out certain parts without needing a reactant.

lup gets bored waiting for a solution to boil and suddenly it explodes

taako’s power is manipulating chemical structures and lup’s is causing combustion or explosions. both require a knowledge of chemistry; taako has to understand the structure of what he’s moving or separating, and lup needs to know about boiling/ignition points and pressure changes etc. again; the energy comes from them. you get the point by now, i think.

taako is starling and purple, and lup is phoenix and red.

they both have pockets containing little beads of easy-to-change materials if they can’t find anything else to use

barry is a phd student, and was in the basement bio lab of the local university when the light phased through the ceiling and hit him. he stumbled backwards and fortunately didn’t hurt himself, bc he basically lives in there and no one would check on him for a while.

the next time he’s forced into a university function, he’s shrinking against a wall wishing he wasn’t there, and then he…isn’t. he falls over into the next room bc he just went through the wall.

i’ll be honest – barry basically has danny phantom powers. the tricky bit is that if he’s exhausted, instead of losing his powers, he can’t keep a physical form very well. finally, a reason for this man to get some sleep already.

his codename is nightingale and his color is blue. thank goodness he can make his clothes and glasses ghost with him, or else he’d be recognizable and useless.

davenport was relaxing with a short flight just outside of town. he notices some strange lights, then realizes one is coming towards him, then barely manages to keep the plane from crashing when it hits him in the head. he quickly lands and checks the plane for damage, but there’s no trace of it.

his mind is wandering during a pretty boring meeting one day when everyone suddenly stops. davenport tunes in and notices that, um, there’s a small boat appearing to float across the table. this completely snaps him out of his thoughts, and it disappears. it’s a good thing the old people on the board like to brush over unexplainable things, bc after a few moments, the meeting picks back up.

he works at a nerd museum. he mostly enjoys it, but also wants to save up enough to move to the coast.

his power is creating illusions and, depending on his energy, materializing them. the illusions barely cost anything, but the materialization is really draining.

his hero name is canary and his color theme is gold.

i wanted it to be albatross at first, but that sounded a little…eh? i liked canary better, esp since it’s yellow

+ instead of having half the symbolism of a curse, it symbolizes freedom!! i think that’s an important dav trait.

finally, lucretia was riding home on her bike and, unlike dav, did crash. strangely, she and her bike were totally unharmed.

lucretia works part-time as a secretary to save up for college, while also working at a bookstore bc she is a Nerd. she got lost in the Deep Shelves and, when a pile of books fell and set off a domino effect, she stretched out her hands to stop them – and they actually did stop.

lucretia can create force fields of any shape, and move them around. that may seem simple, but she can ride them like a hover board, trap people, and, if she’s strong enough, slice things.

her superhero name is bluejay and her color is teal.

other characters include:

julia, magnus’s coworker/boss’s daughter, and they’ve been in love since forever. when the light stuff started though, magnus figured he should slow down.

…yeah, she figures it out pretty soon. magnus is bad at keeping secrets.

carey, magnus’s roommate and constant alibi/excuse-maker/back-up

killian, who works security at the business lucretia secretaries at, and keeps bringing her out to social stuff bc the girl needs it. they also talk abt girls a lot bc they’re both Gay™ – lucretia especially enjoys teasing killian about carey with the “really great calves” from the gym.

killian accidentally said weird shit when first gushing about her and, of course, lucretia will never forget it

noelle was saved by the team from whatever the hell lucas ends up doing in this au. carey offers to share her room, esp since magnus is uh. working a little more irregularly these days and they could use the split rent.

noelle and carey also talk about girls, including killian who could “probably throw me across a room” from the gym.

angus was looking into all this nonsense and figured it was easiest to track down twins who seem to know a lot about chemistry. it wasn’t too hard. taako and lup were appalled that his parents Just Let Him Do That and so there’s a 50/50 chance that angus is in their spare room at any given time.

listen they got a two-bedroom apartment, but apparently they’re still too clingy to sleep alone. nerds.

ren is taako’s coworker and best friend. she knows Something is up, but isn’t entirely sure What. she also knows better than to try and find out. taako will tell her when he tells her.

honestly i low low lowkey dig the idea of noelle/ren but you didn’t hear that from me. if it happens to show up though. oh well.

avi makes frequent deliveries for the hammer and tongs, and is pretty tight with magnus. he’s even tighter with magnus’s dogs, which stay at the h&t bc his apartment is run by ruthless monsters.

johann is the town’s dramatic and overtalented musician, who is almost always in the background. i’m not sure what his deal is, but he sure is good at music.

hurley is a cop who keeps trying to figure out what is going on, but isn’t having much luck

artemis sterling is the very frustrated mayor

certain people are given powers by the hunger, a la hawk moth. these include gundren, magic brian, jenkins, sloane, the hammerheads, cpt cpt bane, lucas, etc.

the major manifestation of the hunger is john, but only merle manages to see him.

unlike miraculous, the hunger is dangerous to its hosts if they become disagreeable. the birds can save the people possessed, but it’s not easy.

there are Mysterious Third Parties that can grant additional powers

one is known as the raven queen. she grants kravitz the power to possess non-organic materials, as well as a scythe that can temporarily dislocate souls and do mild portal shit.

kravitz was a coroner trying to get a gig in the orchestra, but then he almost died and the raven queen resurrected him and he’s got a really strong sense of duty so he’s doing this now, he guesses. at least he still gets to have a normal life when he isn’t busy.

i like to think that after sloane rejects the hunger, the raven queen scoops her up and also grants the ability to possess non-organic objects. she was a good mechanic before, and is super good now. she gets hurley to give up on the whole investigation thing and join her and they live happily ever after, and also kick the occasional ass.

at first, RQ’s orders are to retrieve the light so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, but taako persuades kravitz that the birds are able to use it to defeat the hunger once and for all.

after that, the mission is just to keep as many people out of danger as possible.

istus and pan can also grant powers, but i’m not sure how they’d fit in yet

more random facts:

taako, lup, and barry are actually at the same university even though they never see each other. the mascot is a mongoose.

at some point the bio and chem departments are doing a joint conference thing. taako and lup are wandering around while spamming the birds’ group chat with really awful memes with magnus. meanwhile, barry is trying his best to ignore his constantly-vibrating phone as he talks to a professor about something actually important.

do they find each other in this truly ridiculous way? You Decide.

lucas is in the same department as barry, and even though he’s kind of a genius, he is also. how you say. a dick.

ren and taako work as chefs at the davy lamp. ren is almost definitely going to own it one day, and taako is proud of her.

lucretia and magnus meet via carey and killian, and quickly become close friends. because magnus is incapable of keeping a secret from anyone he knows, she finds out that he’s eagle and so they now know each other’s secret identities.

anyway that’s all i’ve got for now, thanks for coming to my ted talk

#ok i'm going to sleep #this is mostly for my own rference #not that i'd ever write this but it's nice to think abt #text #ipre #idk how ekse to tag uh #bye #fixed the tenses! and added stuff!#superhero au

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backseatloversz · 3 years

Text

ok first of all. anderperry my beloved. but im notorious 4 being a multishipper and after thinking abt this rarepair that crossed my mind as a joke for like half an hour ive decided i want to share it with u all here. maybe one (1) other person will appreciate it idk

its todd and ,. cameron

Listen hear me out ok listen ok here;

it follows the events of canon and my broad post canon hcs a bit; sometime in early 1960 when its second semester of their junior(senior??) year, todd and cameron are made roommates. (if its junior year they are all of senior too). they kinda slowly become friends, and sometimes they'll start to chat abt really serious/personal stuff in the middle of the night (as u do). todd talks abt neil and they both come out to each other. (may or may not feature chameron. u decide). there is No romantic tension in high school in fact i dont imagine todd would date around much if at all through at least the first couple years of college; but then maybe he meets someone (keeping it vague bc ive decided in this world hes bisexual bc i make the rules) and realizes smth about how he doesnt want to never give love a chance again and so. yeah. him and that person go out a while but eventually go their separate ways idk at some point him and cameron are both done w/ college and move in together bc its convenient for whatever reason (plus they already know they work well as roommates<3). after a while they realize not only do they like this type of domesticity, but they like it with each other specifically. so. they r in love now. its nothing like w/ neil in a lot of ways, for better and for worse. (but mostly for better, bc instead of so so much so many emotions and self discovery, not only in falling in love but also in general at 17ish all happening in four months then coming to an abrupt and tragic end, they've had years to get to know each other, and just. you know. figure themselves and life and everything out!) :-)

Closing note ! as i worked on this post i realized it could totally be left as platonic. any way u wanna take it just kno that a todd & cameron relationship is a very important concept 2 me. i care them. fall in love w/ ur best friend ! build a life with them ! do it

#diversity win! your roommates sexuality is compatible w/ urs and ur in love (deep friendship)#i dont want 2 misuse the term queerplatonic relationship but MAybe thats what this could be! maybe #idk how old the term is i doubt theyd use it. but. close good friends:-)))#ace cam is also an important hc to me .... maybe they r in love but Only romantically hmm. the possibilities are endless #being a multishipper is fun having contradictory headcanons is fun i am having a blast rn #this is very todd centric im sorry cam for reducing u to Love Interest</33 mayb i'll work on it more someday idk #anyway im done what do u all think. pls at least one person tell me u like it #todd anderson #richard cameron #dead poets society #dps headcanons #oh SHIT also #death #character death #implied #?? as always ask 2 tag #cowboy posts

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byunrelatable · 6 years

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ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying.

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

#asks #lovely mutuals #GOSH my confession story is LOOONG

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boglog · 6 years

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Wholesome Questionare Tag Meme

Tagged by @80sglamcowboy Rules are: -Post the rules -Answer the questions given to you by the tagger -Write eleven questions of your own -Tag eleven people

This is long as Hell, friends and I apologise.

One inquisitive bitch has asked me:

1. Name one person (real or fictional) that you think you could 100% take on in a fight

Foaming mouth guy from Avatar. He’s got no stamina, barely any health, no skill. He’s unfocused and weak and my noodley nerd-ass could take him. (Though I am a little concerned he has rabies.)

2. What’s your favourite snack rn

Grilled cheese w veggies, mustard, and grilled tofu w a side of ketchup made by my roommate. It’s honestly the purest thing.

3. Which apocalypse do you think you’d do the best in? (i.e. Nuclear winter/ robot uprising/ Too many vampires, etc)

O man. I love apocalypse movies and I love survival horror (that one episode of the X Files where they’re trapped in a cabin, anybody?). I also genuinely love camping and I’m a bit of a medical hobbyist. I also watched an unreasonable amount of prepper videos on YouTube. That said, as mentioned above, I am a couch potato weekling. Furthermore, I don’t do well in conflict so if the world hierarchy collapses into a power vacuum where you have to Orange is the New Black-style intimidate ppl for supplies, I would melt and die quickly.

My best bet, it would seem, is an Arrival-esque alien apocalypse where the ones who have enough patience and sci fi knowledge to communicate w aliens are at the top of the food chain. And worst case scenario it’s better for my ego to die at the hands of an alien than a human.

Sci go apocalypses are just cleaner y'know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 4. Best and worst fandom you’ve been in? Or have you somehow managed to avoid fandom completely?

Worst has to be Steven Universe. I regret not just moving on after I got bored. Ah well.

(I also think celebrity/real ppl fandoms are a dead end.)

My other fandoms all have various pros and cons and it’s hard to pick a favourite.

Adventure Time has great fanart, great meta and ppl have yet to descend into Homestuck-ian chaos. That said, they’re quiet af. People also fixate way too much on the fake fanfic AU Fionna and Cake. I have yet to read a really good Bonny/Marcy fic and that is a tragedy (a few have come close tho). Bottom line for AT tho is that it’s my go to wholesome cartoonist fandom. I like that it has depth but that it’s generally very simple and fun and that the fans are mostly shut in animation adults.

AtLA/LoK fandom’s biggest pro is that it’s huge and you literally never ran out of quality content. I’ve even made a few friends via this decade old franchise. It’s also enjoyably rich and complex. One of my favourite (now inactive) blogs was one that connected world building and little background Easter eggs to real Chinese history and culture. That wAs so cool!! I defs think as a Chinese person it allowed me to connect to non-western culture in a socially acceptable way.

The downsides tho are many: it can be overwhelmingly complicated (esp as someone who knows jack shit abt Chinese history), people take it too seriously, The Great Shipping Wars, it’s so big it’s a little lonely, the show itself has so many flaws upon greater inspection you wonder why you wasted your time on anything related to it, it’s an Asian themed story created by white dudes who make fun of their fans, the best parts of the show were written by other writers but those same white guys get k the credit. Also as w any fandom related to POC culture, racism happens. Anyways most of you know this already. IMO the best thing to have happened do the fandom is korrasami. Now it’s just abt Asian lesbians ruling the world.

(Though I also thoroughly enjoy the Family Rivalry part of the fandom. There are so mNy dysfunctional families to choose from!)

Rick and Morty is technically speaking my newest fandom. It’s got a lot of obvious cons (pickle Rick sexists, Szechuan sauce racists, asfhkkh incest) but one other con is just how pedantic and overly analytical people are abt the world building. I can’t breathe wo being corrected. RM has a misleadingly complicated high sci fi aesthetic that begets the kind of overanalysing my brand of overanalytical nerdiness can’t handle. Too many alternate universes. It’s just too complicated.

However one thing I like is that conversely I can overanalyse the writing and characters’ psychology/relationships (which I LOVE) and ppl take me very seriously. (At least they used to.) it’s kinda validating to have your 3k word essay on an old man’s bedroom and what that signifies for his depression get over 1k notes.

Rm also attracts the fun, super talented animation crowd so there’s boundless fanart and memes. I never knew I would like a gravity falls crossover retirement home AU btwn Rick and Stan so much but the art is objectively gorgeous?? So ??

I really dislike the lack of attention the female characters get from fandom bc they’re all really great? Female rep is limited but both canon and fic really do their 2-3 tokens justice. Also the jerry hatred is getting old (that male aggression… Like… Calm down, Jake) but it’s a refreshing departure drom when Megg from family guy was the butt of the joke.

Harry Potter, one of the pillars of nerd society, has both changed my life and irreconcilably annoyed me to death. (W no thanks to the racist creator herself!) One can’t underestimate how huge the hp fandom is which offers you as many reasons to love it as reasons not to. Harry Potter’s canon has complex world building that’s also charming enough not to take itself too seriously and much the same could b said of fanon. To a degree. Certain corners of the fanbase are fantastic shitposters and meme-ers and can draw you back in like a black hole. Casually enjoying Harry potter imo is where it’s at. The fanfic is probably one of the most impressively vast. Strangers at Drakesaugh, believe it or not, still updates and not only that, I still read it.

Not casually enjoying Harry potter is, um, yikes? HP and Hunger Games love to insert themselves appropriately in real life political traumas and honestly the dedication of the fandom can be overwhelming.

The HP fanart corner of deviantart circa 2010-12 and @flocc HP comics however are the best.

Meet the Robinsons, Ye Olde Fandom, still stands to this day. (Thanks in part to me ngl) As Iroh might say, they are a proud people. MTR is so bizarre and tiny it’s the only fandom I was able to read EVERY fic summary in existence (ones published on obscure sites excepted). The fandom has never ceased to surprise me for better or worse and mostly due to its age range. The original movie was intended for 8-12 yr olds and their (jaded) parents which means that now, ten years later, the fans are anywhere between 12 and 25. It has approximately 20 pieces of professional-grade fanart and fic and I am downright serious abt the quality and thoughtful complexity of this minority of fanart. Like I shit you not some of it’s almost too dark. However, tragically, one can’t talk abt obscure Disney fandoms wo also mentioning the incest ships (this is what happens when middleschoolers have to resort to cartoons to explore their sexuality in an anti sex ed world), the disorganised crossovers, and the blinding lack of imagination. Nonetheless, that a fandom of any kind could sprout from a 90 min cgi movie before the recession, based off an obscure but objectively fascinating children’s book, is still impressive. The fandoms smallness can in many wars work to everybody’s benefit: it’s a tightly knit community w little to no drama. And lots of memes (that I mostly make) to enjoy sincerely or ironically.

I’m also going to mention, very briefly, the Twin Peaks fandom, most of whom, even the die hards, are v casual when it comes to fan content (I need more fic damnit). Nonetheless it’s a decidedly cool art kid crowd for an art house show and I really enjoy befriending twin peaks watchers.

5. What’s one hot food that you prefer cold? (or, alternatively, one cold food you like hot)

Is it snobby to say I like food to be the temperature God intended?

Like I like cold pizza and salad-y pasta but I wouldn’t mind if everything were room temperature as long as the food itself was well made.

6. ya like jazz? What music do you enjoy listening to? Can you recommend any songs/ artists from that genre?

I think in some contexts I can like jazz. It’s very cosy and nostalgic, it can make you feel like a grand dame stepping out of your limo into your martini filled mansion as records pop around you and your fur carpeted living room. I also occasionally like jazz covers and alternate genres of jazz like electro swing etc.

Generally though I also think jazz is a little antiquated and a little all over the place. I lean more towards the ambiguous minimalism of mellow techno music like Jonna Lee, Grimes, Björk, early Lorde, Yasmine Hamdan, Austra, TRST, etc

I mean I don’t stick to just one genre (I imagine most ppl don’t). I like alternative (Tori Amos, Regina Spektor, Joanna Newsom) and some musicians who seem to completely exist outside of genre like iMonster and the Gorillaz. Not to mention straight up pop like broods, Ellie goulding, lady gaga and Lana del rey. (I mean technically Ldr isn’t pop but u get the ideer)

7. What binge worthy show do you like?

So many man. There are so many out there! Twin peaks, Transparent, Love, Grace and Frankie, Adventure Time, House of Cards, Bojack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Mad Men, Girls, Broad City, Black Mirror, Avatar TLA, 6Teen, Chowder, Over the Garden Wall, Flapjack, the first season of Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, etc

The list goes on. I’m a TV fiend.

8. What’s an old meme that you miss and wish would be brought back?

Always liked the Gothic [x town or whatever] meme. It was like a text post version of the cursed images meme. Currently I’m really enjoying the song from another room meme and I hope even after it gets old it’ll make a comeback.

9. Tell me your aesthetic  

O man. That’s a can of worms! Okay. Deep breath.

I like futurism, of all kinds. I like strong lines and clear shapes. I like colour blocking and minimalism and glass and holographic LED neons. I like white Japanese urban tiled buildings. I like aliens and ruins and cubes and white and colour blocking and black. I like technology and aliens and Comme des Garçons and Issey Miyake. Rooms that are empty but for one light and one window and one plant. Love that.

I like the midcentury cubism and Mod and 30’s futurism. Clear and strong industrial shapes and curves and post modernist abstractionism.

I also love nature, I love most every Björk and Iamamiwhoami music video. I love the mountains and the forests and the desert and the winter tundra and most of all I love the water. A vast expanse of sky and sea w so many colours and textures. I love the 2000s and funny blob shapes and y2k’s obsession w secondary colours and shiny round things. Love pink. I am a grown adult who will never tire of pink. (Though I don’t really like when people overdo pink.) I love cursed image family photos taken with flash in a suburb. I love the grime and the sanitary aesthetic of suburbs and hospitals and brutalist office spaces. The fluorescent lights of the institution but with purple carpeting!

I love 70s mod and I love colorful 80s brutalism I like it when houses are shaped weirdly and they have carpets and polished curved wooden countertops and spacious nothingness where everything looks clean and cosy and bizarrely ugly and it all looks like an art gallery w too many plants.

I also really love maximalism and wood and detail and fur and velvet and embroidery and silk and windows and wood carvings.

I love 70s kitsch like John waters movies and Shrimps designer fake fur CDG17 where they just piled on knickknack after knickknack onto white dresses w food long trains. Toys and novelty items and lamps shaped like a woman’s leg in a fishnet stocking. (See also: most Tim burton movies, wes Anderson, Carrie fishers house)

An overwhelming mishmash of wool patterns with clean cubic 70s architecture and so many plants and windows and wallpaper and candles and cobwebs. Also really like witchy mourning jewelry and essentially every house in Harry potter. Love the unfortunately racist boho/hippie aesthetic. Any house designed by bill kirsch is a masterpiece. Woven baskets on the ceiling piles of hats and art supplies everywhere. Stuff!! Everywhere! Hidden passageways reading nooks fireplaces the Pink Palace from Coraline!

Everything!!!

I’m a cartoonist who’s a nerd for design so I like when concepts are taken to the extreme in a humourously charming and clear-minded way. Whatever aesthetic someone chooses, they should go all out and really dedicate themselves to the highest form of that aesthetic. It has to be perfect without being sanitary of fake. It has to be alive yet beautiful, frozen in one perfect moment.

10. Favourite time of day and why?

Dusk. I think it’s a nostalgia thing. I loved the hours before bed time as well the hours before dinner when it was getting dark and the sun was reflecting freaky colours along the horizon while I ran around the grass. It’s cozy but it’s spacious and adventurous. So many things can happen at dusk!

  11. You have the choice to live in any fictional universe - which one do you pick and why?

Harry Potter!!! You get the best of both worlds: magical, over-romanticised Victorian/medievalism, wish-fulfillment surrealism and wifi. It’s great. Likelihood of dying is so low, medicine is so advanced and even then ppls n°1 choice of lethal weapon (Avada Kedavra) is painless. Me and Luna could hang in her garden. I’d never have to pay for the subway again. I could live a nomadic life in a tent w infinite space. If you chose to live as a wizard amongst Muggles you’re basically god and you can cheat capitalism. Gravity is my bitch! And I’m not gna lie my dream house has always been a combination of The Burrow, the Lovegood house, and Shell Cottage.

My turn to pick your brain:

1 Favourite texture?

2 Favourite smell?

3 Favourite children’s book/children’s TV show? (I’m talking about the bizarre abstract ones for toddlers)

4 Best and worst prank you’ve ever pulled?

5 Weirdest beginning of a friendship?

6 When you’ve been in fandom for a while you start to notice you’ve a habit of staying in the same corners. What corner are you in? Are you part of the fluffy ship corner? The intense world building spec meta corner? The shitpost comic fanart corner? Etc

7 If you could invent a class that would be obligatory for all high schools across your country what would it be?

8 What’s the weirdest thing you’ve gotten at Halloween while trick or treating?

9 Weirdest family tradition of yours?

10 Describe your significant other (or your crush, or your dream partner or if you’re aromantic your fave person) through only TV references.

11 Favourite piece of dialogue in a movie?

I don’t know 11 ppl but nonetheless tagging: @that-guy-in-the-bowler-hat @skairheart @nochangenohope @eventheslightestrayofsunshine@autistic-jaredkleinman@phoenixkluke

…and YOU (if you were not mentioned above and so choose to accept this mission)

#tag meme #u #food m ?

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aitian · 5 years

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feb 7, 2019 5:12am

y i have no good friends

1. growing up asian in a white space is an experience of foreignness right bc im looking at all of u bc ur all mean little children who were socialized by mean adults & ur all looking at me bc im not that human in ur eyes & u all win bc there r so many of u.

+ no one understand my gender & so they r confused, they do not understand how to act so that i am comfortable rather than put off by their cishet foolery, they do not know how to talk abt their desires or my desires without making assumptions, they do not know how to be caring & vulnerable for me in the same way that i know how to b caring & vulnerable for them

+ so poc right bc 1st of all i have no white friends bc i have self respect & do not wake up daily wishing to feel anger but straight poc in this university space r so focused on respectability & power bc y else would they b here? & even ppl who feel underprivileged r only concerned to the extent that they can get what they came here for rather than questioning & arguing & helping ppl who need it

+ so qpoc right this one is trickier bc i rly thot i would find community or at least one rly good friend but instead im balancing maybe 3 friends who r there for me in different circumstances & a ton of peripheral friends who actively make me uncomfortable. its so wild how w most of these ppl my gender is still so confusing to them (& i know its bc i do not do a good job of defining it) but there is no softening of words or mindfulness to how i might feel when they use the same rhetoric that straight white ppl have always used to put us down toward me. im too feminine, too masculine, yet not enough of either. “otherwise i we might b better friends. otherwise i might date u. otherwise we could b roommates. otherwise i might spend more time w u.” & the conversation inevitable veers toward “ur so critical. i feel like u might b mad at me for doing nothing wrong. i would rather stop being friends than talk abt how i have hurt u but im still #goodintentioned!!”

+ i have always been more comfortable existing in feminine spaces but they r not any more inclusive tbh just exclusive in a way that is more tolerable. i do not want to slap ppl on the back or code switch to appropriate aave for clout or talk abt white guys on grindr. no. but i also do not want to continue talking abt how much bad behavior is appropriate before ppl will think ur a hoe or euphemisms for sucking dick or how its horrible but u love being a white womans whore. no.

2. i haven’t had a best friend since i was maybe 8 yrs old. we didn’t even hang out that much bc we were family friends so our parents sort of determined when we were together but it was reasonably often. we used to have sleepovers & read comic books together & play with stuffed animals & make forts out of the couch cushions & go skiing & play video games & other beautiful nonsense. i rly dont remember feeling like a gendered self in that relationship, but i do when it began to sour. it was around 3rd grade, but rly mostly in 4th grade when i realized he was my best friend but i wasn’t sure if i was his anymore. he always played w the other boys during recess & never rly cared to spend time w me anymore. & i know it was an intentional choice under the white gaze to assimilate rather than b excluded w/ me. but i remember trying to play football for the first time, realizing none of the other kids rly knew the rules that well but at least knew how they had always played & had authority over what i did, that my body suddenly felt like it very much possessed the weight of a gender & a race which kept me from comfort. i started to have resentment & i know it showed even when we hung out every week at chinese school. i knew the other side of how he treated me & i did not like playing pretend.

3. which leads me to intergenerational emotions. i do not like to feel clingy, like i am more hungry & more desperate than all of the other ppl who ask me to beg. but in my heart i feel so strongly so. mom says her family has always been this way. too dignified to beg, too dignified to rely on any shoulder but preferring to stand up on our own two feet. grandma and grandpa are still like this in their old age, feeling as though they can travel the world when they can’t keep up the house or walk up and down stairs or remember much beyond market prices from the late 20th century. mom says we all need to work on thickening our skin, but she says she will never improve either. she is spoken to in a certain tone by her mommy friends a few times & she tucks it deep inside her heart for safekeeping so that she will not b fooled in the future. & i believe so strongly that these ways of being & feeling r transferred onto me. not just from socialization & teaching but from existing in the same space, from being of the same blood, from having bodies that r shaped similarly & interacting w others through similarly shaped bodies, & however much epigenetics play a role in the process. bc i do not believe that my ancestors lived in hunder & desperation & suffering only for me to suddenly live without it in this life. however sad that is, i find it to b true.

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