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emsgwenstan · 6 months

Text

Personal or professional?

Chap 2 | chap 3 | chap 4

Larissa Weems x fem(carpenter/joiner) named reader.

Words: 2k

Warnings: panic attack, anxiety.

Note: what is violet making? Haha. God the obsession is becoming clear I’d say. X

———

Thursday came and went quickly, it’s currently Friday and 4 in the afternoon, with each passing day it seems to be getting colder and colder. Larissa sent me a screenshotted booking at a restaurant In Burlington reserved for 6:30, by the looks of it, its 5 star and very luxurious, she also said she’ll pick me up. I’m knocking off earlier than usual, hopefully finishing in half an hour. I sent her my address in return.

Im so excited, but I know it’s strictly a professional dinner between two adult woman, who might I add, has already shared an awkward moment that I can’t go back from. I’ll just pretend it never happened. But I wanted it to. I gathered the mahogany off cuts from the racks and placed them on my bench to start Monday, prepped the sandpaper and sander blowing out all the dust from the previous projects just to fill in time until I leave.

Dragging my bag slung over my shoulder and pulling out my hair tie to release the tension in my head, I turn off the lights and shut down the compressors finally leaving the vicinity until next week. Ducking out the front, I unlocked my car and threw in my belongings before starting the short 4 minute drive home. Regathering my things and making it to the front door I fumbled with the keys before dropping them to the ground. Not now. Short tempered me bent down, snatched the keys and practically ripped open the door.

Stepping inside placing my Keys in the dish on the hall stand, I took a deep breath trying to calm down. Wandering further into the house I made it to my room carelessly flinging my bag on the bed. I went looking for my tv remote to flick on for background noise, but of course it was no where in sight. 20 minutes of searching, I found it on the floor under my bed, irritated again, I put on a random movie and tore off my work clothes to have a shower and wash my hair, hopefully a scalp massage will help with my impending headache.

Stepping out and wrapping myself in a towel in front of the vanity, I wiped the mirror of steam just for it to re-form again, I used another towel to dry my hair as much as I could before blow drying it. My headache is mostly gone but I still have irritability in my system almost as if I’m on the verge of a panic attack, I can’t pin point the exact reason behind it, but I just need to push though and finish my hair and do my make up, I’m sure everything is going to be fine.

Doing the finishing touches on my makeup my hands start trembling wildly when I remember i haven’t eaten a thing today, probably just low blood sugar. Except my breathing becomes erratic, I walk out of the ensuite and sit on the edge of the bed for 5 minutes. Feeling up to it i pace to the dresser and pull out my underwear and slip them on and walk to my closet to find something to wear. I haven’t touched any of this for a very long time, I hardly remember what i have, most of my clothes are black with bits of burgundy and purples, possibly one or two things white or cream.

Dress after dress, skirt after skirt, blouses and pants strewn around my room and on the floor, not a fucking thing is right, isn’t what I want, doesn’t look right or good, fits weirdly. I hadn’t relised how much time i spent on looking and trying on clothes as there was a knock at the door, my stomach churned at the thought of not being ready for Larissa. I’m always on time, if not always early, I throw on a robe and hesitantly walk the length of the hallway to the door, I looked in the mirror on the wall seeing my eyes are bloodshot and a frown line indented between my brows, she’s going to be so disappointed in me.

Upon opening the door Larissa was breath taking, her hair styled in a low bun with her usual side part and dressed in a navy blue dress shorter than her normal work ones, white heels higher and a blue with white detailing coat to tie it all together, her lips painted in a darker shade of red as well as darker eyeshadow, also holding a small white purse. I could have collapsed at the sight of her, but knowing I have to face the inevitable disappointment, I clung to the door’s architrave.

“Violet… are you alright?” She asked concerned at my state. I let out a small huff annoyed at myself for causing a problem. I looked deep into her eyes telling her without words that I’m really not ok. “Come in.” I said opening the door widder for her to step in. She did, walking in past me she turned on the spot, observing, trying to understand the situation. I move toward her taking her wrist pulling her towards my room. Larissa took in the little bits she could view of my home, before I led her into the bedroom. I let go of her wrist and walked further into the messy room.

Turning to face her i splayed out my arms, gesturing to the state of everything. “None of it fits.” I said dropping my arms to my sides. “What do you mean darling?” She asked, still a little confused. “I mean every single thing in my wardrobe is to big, I haven’t a thing to wear.” I said, crouching down and pick the items of clothing off the floor angrily tossing them to the bed. Larissa walked a little further to bend at the knees and crouch down to take my hands in her own. “Violet.” She said. I didn’t stop, still trying to pick things up. “Violet stop sweetheart.” She gently commanded. At that I did, Larissa slowly stood pulling me with her and placing me down on my bed in a sitting position. She took to sitting beside me still holding my hands. “I’m sorry, I just- I just don’t have anything, I wanted to be ready before you got here an-.” I blurted. “It’s ok.” She said. “Don’t worry about it.”.

I sat in silence, until I could feel my nose go funny and my eyes starting to water. I’ll be damned letting Larissa see me cry. I shot up causing her to jump a little. “Just give me a minute sorry.” I shakily said walking briskly back into the ensuite and closing the door. I turned the tap on and looked at myself In the mirror, the tears flowing down my cheeks and a sob trying to crawl it’s way up my throat, I cover my my mouth trying not to make a noise. I was in there for about a minute not wanting to keep her waiting, cleaning the tears that have slightly ruined my make up and made mascara run all the way down my neck, I pat myself with the edge of a hand towel, turning off the tap and plastering on a smile, I re-opened the door to find Larissa had picked up most of the clothes on the floor.

She faced me with a sympathetic smile and tossed the shirt she was holding on the bed before coming up to me and stopping. Extending her hand up to my face she used the pad of her thumb to wipe a smudge of black from the corner of my eye, she used her other hand to cup my cheek and pull me into a hug. It’s been so long, it’s been so so long, I’ve missed this. Her hand wrapped around the backs of my shoulders and one on my head. I exhaled before breathing her back in, her scent, her perfume, her smell.

I pulled away not looking at her, feeling like it’s enough physical touch for now, how is it I’ve known Larissa for less than a week and she already feels like home, I don’t understand. “Just give me a moment, Ill actually put clothes on.” I said pulling out a sweater and sweat pants from the pile. Turing around I walked back towards the door stopping outside it telling her to make herself comfortable in the lounge room and I won’t be long.

Larissa complied and took a seat on the couch, she absorbed her surroundings, taking in my own decor, the large book shelf full of books, the arm chair in the corner with a tall lamp standing beside it, the large fire place with a big dark green and tan rug resting in front of it, the vaulted ceilings and simple yet elegant light hanging from one of the beams. Moving on the spot, was the kitchen behind her, the black marble bench tops secured to forest green cupboards and the same for the overhead cabinets with glass pains in the doors and little plants next to the sink in the island bench. She saw a lot of me in the rooms and smiled at the thought.

I opened the door stepping out in the old baggy clothes. Sitting next to Larissa I stared at the flames flickering within the fireplace. “I’m so sorry Larissa I didn’t plan this, I should have bought something yesterday.” I said. “What do you have?” She asked. I shifted to face her. “What?” I wondered. “What do you have in your pantry, I’ll cook something for us?” She questioned. I sat there looking at her wondering why the hell she hasn’t left angry yet. “I don’t care about going. I just hope your ok, would you like me to stay?” It was silent before I whispered. “Yes.”. Larissa pulled out her phone and obviously cancelled the booking.

I got up and opened the pantry, I could hear Larissa’s shoeless feet pad behind me and come to a stop. I took a step back letting her look for herself. She seemed to pick out a pack of fettuccine and a few things like crushed tomatoes, garlic, onion and herbs, stepping back she placed the ingredients on the bench. “Up for spaghetti?” She asked, I smiled and turned to the freezer and picked out a pack of mince. “And meatballs?” I asked. Larissa chuckled “and meatballs.” She replied.

Standing in the kitchen together was nice. She took the reins and somehow managed to make her way around, finding all the utensils, pots and pans she needed. I sat on top of the bench watching her flit about, I did ask if she wanted help but Larissa declined the offer. After a while I could tell she was getting hot and grabbed her shoulder spinning her around to face her back towards me as I peeled off her coat, Larissa let out a breath. “Thank you, I was getting a bit hot.” She laughed. I folded the coat and hopped off the bench to lay it on the back of the lounge. Walking back I stood beside her at the stove. “You know for some who has a big kitchen and makes them for a living, I hate cooking.” I stated, chuckling looking at her side profile. A grin spread across her face.

Larissa stepped back and leaned against the island bench with her hands clamped to the edges, she observed my jumper with a smirk. “Do I have something on me, is it stained?” I asked looking for possible marks. “No it’s just, the Colour… it’s violet.” She giggled. “Oh shut up.” I said rolling my eyes. “Anyway.” I started. “How was work today?” She took a moment to visibly recall her day. “It was… something.” She trailed. “I had detention with a group of four boys and it seemed to have turned into a therapy session. It was so odd, but very eye opening I guess, I didn’t expect it in the slightest.” She finished. “Wow, headmistress and therapist. What else?” I asked spinning around to pull out two wine glasses from the cabinets above me. Larissa shook her head and let out a little tsk. “God knows, I’m constantly surprised at the things that go on in my life.” She said.

“Are you a wine person by any chance?” I asked temporarily off topic. “Yes.” She answered. “Red, white or rosé?” I asked placing the glass on the counter. “Red, please.” Larissa hadn’t noticed the wine rack under the bench she was leaning against, I bent down and was just about eye level with her abdomen when I pulled out a bottle beside her. “So constantly on your toes than?” I asked referring back to the initial conversation. “Always. I think my job is easier when I have students that are troubled and I can connect with them about something so small, that gives them a sense of reassurance their not alone. It also feels less dawning on me, just so I don’t seem annoying to get them to open up.” She ended. I passed her a glass and watched her take a sip, her eyes involuntarily closed and she let out a small hum at the taste. I could feel my cheeks heating.

“That’s good than, I love kids, all ages to. I have a niece and she’s four I love her to death, I loved her mom and other auntie to bits to when they were kids.” I said reminiscing when Louise and jade were little. “Oh you have siblings?” She asked. “You don’t?” I asked back. “No, only child I’m afraid.” She said taking a sip and placing the glass back on the counter to tend to the stove and turn it off. “Well technically, their my half siblings on my dads side, but I will still call them my sisters no matter what. I mean I practically raised them.” I said pulling out two plates and cutlery. “So your the eldest I presume?” She asked dishing up the plates. “Yeah, I was ten when the first was born and twelve with the second.” I said picking up the plate. “Do you mind if we sit in the lounge room? Is so cold in the dining.” I asked. “Of course.” She said picking up her plate and wine glass, I did the same and placed my own glass on the floor plucking two cushions from the couch and tossing them on the floor for us to sit on.

“So where are they now?” She asked, digging into her food. “About 5 hours away.” I said. “So your not from Jericho?” She questioned. “No I moved here about 15 years ago.” I said not elaborating on why. “How is it I haven’t seen you around before?” She asked. “I don’t get out much.” I answered, beginning to eat my dinner. Fuck it was good, Larissa knows how to cook. For a while we just sat and ate, I stoll glances of her and tried so hard to not make it as though I was staring.

Our dishes discarded on the the floor and legs tucked behind ourselves, Larissa broke the silence. “I hope it was ok for me to stay, you could have told me to leave if you wanted to be alone.” She said peering over at me. The fire light was licking at her skin so beautifully, the glow made her look even more incredible. “I would have if I didn’t want you here.” I said sincerely. Larissa looked at her watch and her face contorted into a sad expression. “It’s getting quite late I should probably go soon, I’ll help tidy the kitchen.” She said. “No don’t even think about it, I can do that, you’ve done enough already, I appreciate the offer though.” I said. Larissa looked away for a moment, but her eyes fell upon a book I had resting on the small coffee table beside the lounge.

“Is that the book you bought the other day?… may I?” She asked gesturing towards it. “Yeah go ahead.” She pulled the book toward herself and flipped open to the page that had a bookmark wedged with it. “For eternity, the most beautiful things to me about you, are the things you won’t ever know about yourself. Things only I know of, because everyday I read you like a book that has never been read. Your beautiful cover with your inspiring title and amazing story held captive my curiosity. Now everyday I yearn to learn from your mystery.” I watched as she was reading, her eyes scanning through the piece of literature and her red lips forming the words, I had in fact already read that particular poem, but when it came from her I felt like I could just float into an abyss somewhere, I could hear it forever. I could hear her forever.

“I like that.” She said softly, she flipped the page back and read a couple more silently, before closing it and resting it back on the table. Larissa slowly stood and picked up my plate taking it with her back to the kitchen. I rose slowly having to hold onto the couch for support, work has really taken a toll on my body. Larissa came back to toe on her heals and rounded the lounge to meet me holding out her coat for her to slip back into. “I’ve had a wonderful evening Violet.” She said looking into my eyes. “Ditto… and I’m sorry again, but I’m sure your cooking was better than what that restaurant had to offer anyway.” I said with a smile. “Thank you, it was quite good wasn’t it?” She said with a self satisfactory smirk. “Absolutely delicious, are you going to be alright driving home, not tipsy are you?” I asked. “No I have an impeccable tolerance, thanks for the concern.” She said pulling out her keys from her pocket.

I lead Larissa to the door and open it for her. We both stood awkwardly in the doorway waiting for each other to say something. “Thank you again for the wonderful evening vi. I’ll be seeing you soon I hope.” Vi, oh my god, my nickname, this along with darling and sweetheart, I may faint. “Yes I’ll let you know when I’m ready to install at the school. I have something else for you to.” I said. “Really, what is it?” She questioned. “Uh uh, it’s a surprise, be patient and you’ll see.” I remarked with a sickeningly sweet tone. Larissa laughed and nodded. “Ok than.” She jested. Another stretch of silence radiated between us. Larissa leaned forward and without thinking of what was going on I stood completely still, she kissed my cheek and winked, Larissa without a word stepped out of the threshold and paced to her car.

Opening her door, she looked back at me. “Excuse my language, but it’s fucking freezing.” She called out. I just about died laughing, causing her to giggle. “It’s ok, I mean it is really fucken cold.” I said mocking her, crossing my arms to somehow get warmer. Larissa took the opportunity to slide into her car and turn it on, reversing out I could just make out her hand waving goodbye as she drove off. I returned the wave and closed the door locking it behind me. A feeling of emptiness washed over me as I wandered back into the kitchen, I gathered all of the dishes and put them into the dish washer and wiped down the benches.

A yawn escaped my mouth when I threw on another piece of wood on the fire, walking to turn off all the lights and make my way to my room, my eye was caught by Larissa’s purse resting on the floor next to the cushion she was sat on. I picked it up and smiled at the label Dior of course. Hesitantly I opened it and saw the contents within, a lipstick, wad of cash and a small vile of perfume. The perfume was the only thing that interested me, I wanted to smell her, feel close to her, closer than I know we’ll ever be.

I’ll find time to return it to as soon as I can possibly tomorrow, but for now I’m going to bed, my cold, empty and lonely bed.

@lex13cm @im-a-carnivorous-plant

@barbarasstar @giogwensversion @sabraaabra

#larissa weems #gwendoline christie #principle weems #wednesday #larissa weems x y/n #larissa x reader #gwenchrist(ie)#wlw fanfic #larissa weems x reader

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astroluvr · 2 years

Text

Tired

summary: jack has been working hard without giving himself a break, so when he comes home, you help him work through it.

a/n: i'm doing my best to get out of a writing slump (and thank y'all for being patient and understanding, i appreciate it), so i'm getting back to my roots- short, sweet, and mediocre, but i still hope u enjoy!! hopefully, i can get into a better groove and write something better, but in the mean time... this is all i got lol!

***

Jack was tired.

Truthfully, he was exhausted and he could feel it in every capacity. He was tired of his nagging headaches from the moment he woke up to the moment he laid down, he was tired of hearing the airplane safety speech every other day, he was even growing tired of trying to perfect the same beat for days on end while he was being fitted for this or that. He was just tired, in a way that a nap or long slumber couldn’t fix. He was tired and needed to rest- and the only remedy was you.

When Jack came into your shared home, he could see the blue light from the living room with your feet propped on the couch. Your giggle sounded from the dark room and he trudged closer to you, feeling an almost magnetic pull to you. Even his wedding band seemed to tighten around his thick finger.

“Baby?” Jack asked, as if you weren’t right there, underneath your favorite weighted blanket and a much-too-big bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch balanced on your healthy, swollen stomach.

There were bags under your eyes- much less than his own, but they were filled with love and surprise as he entered the room, toeing off his New Balances between a few steps. A grin broke out against your face, as you set the bowl down on your coffee table and waddled towards him in one of his old shirts that strained against your stomach and gave him the perfect view of your stretch marks.

“Hi, baby!” you giggled, grabbing his cheeks and kissing his lips repeatedly. The small flakes of cinnamon finding a place on his pink lips. “Hi, I missed you. I didn’t think you were getting home until tomorrow afternoon. I was supposed to pick you up and everything.”

“I took the earliest flight they had. I didn’t want to be there any longer.” he rasped, hugging you close. You frowned at the way he spoke, but the attention you were about to give it was cut short by a few thumps against your stomach and nearly breaking down at the feeling of your baby’s feet against his lower stomach.

“There she is.” you smiled, splaying your hands against the sides of your stomach proudly.

Jack mustered up the energy to squat down- like he always did, and lift up your shirt to press firm kisses onto the skin. Your hand found home in the messy curls on his head and you massaged at his scalp gently while he cooed.

“Missed your daddy, huh?” his voice was usually cocky from being an expectant father, but tonight it was more solemn and slow. “Yeah, he missed you, too. Missed you so fuckin’ much, baby girl.”

Your heart pattered and your grip in his hair tightened as you urged to pull him away, but he only wrapped his arms around your lower back and pressed his forehead against your bump. “Jack?”

“How’d the ultrasound go? The entire appointment, tell me.” he sniffled, purposely hiding his face even though you could feel his tears running down your skin.

“Um, it was good. She’s just a little over the average weight, so she’s very healthy. Next time I go, they’ll do the 3D ultrasound. I’m so excited. Do you think we’ll be able to tell which one of us she’ll look like more?”

You tried to offer a cheerful subject change. Any time the two of you discussed your baby, it almost always turned into a playful debate about who she would look more like. Of course, it always boiled down to a sickeningly sweet series of compliments about what you both hoped she inherited from the other. Jack was firm in his stance that she would look more like him, and if it wasn’t for your pride, you would admit that you did, too.

Jack didn’t give in, though, he just kissed your stomach and looked up at you with his watery blue eyes. “And what about you? Did they say anything?”

“Nope, I’m healthy. Except for the fact that I’ve been worrying about how she’s going to come out of me. It was much easier to get her in.” you laughed softly at your own joke, but Jack didn’t budge as he took a deep breath and looked down at your stomach again.

You knew your husband like the back of your hand, so you knew that during times like this, he needed time to get used to his emotions. He needed to feel everything in its capacity before he could let it go, and no matter how hard- or sometimes frustrating, it was for you to wait those days or weeks for him to give in, you knew you had to. There was nothing more you could offer him than the quick swipe under his eyes or gentle kiss to the top of his head until he was ready.

“Why haven’t you been getting enough sleep?”

“What do you mean, J?” you asked, playing coy even though the evidence was all there.

“You’re up at two in the morning eating cereal- which better not be your dinner,” he said firmly, causing your cheeks to warm when he pinched your thigh gently. “And your eyes are dark. I can tell you’re tired.”

“I can tell you’re tired, too. Much more than I am.” you rebuttaled as your husband stood up and towered over you. His body was slightly leaning into yours with his hands steadying to your stomach.

“Yeah, well, I’m not the one carrying our child.” he responded, his face growing stern. “And I know this isn’t the first or second time it’s happened.”

“I just haven’t been able to sleep very well. I’m seven months pregnant, I’m huge.”

“You never had trouble adjusting before, so why now? Last time I was home, you were just as big and sleeping perfectly fine. What’s the problem now?” he pushed, and you sighed.

You could sugarcoat it, but that would only make it worse. Or you could lie, but there was no good outcome for you, given that Jack hated when you lied about your wellbeing. You didn’t have any way to effectively weasle your way out of the tension-filled conversation, so with soft eyes meeting Jack’s, you shrugged.

“I just can’t sleep without you.” you murmured, and watched Jack’s face drop in a way that made your heart break.

He had already felt so much guilt the past few months with your pregnancy, no matter how many times you told him that you were going to make do. There was so much Jack had pushed together to make sure he could be the best possible father when your daughter was born.

“It’s not anything to do with your schedule lately, I’ve always just been attached to you, J. We both know that. I just miss you when you’re not here.” you explained gently, feeling overwhelmed by the sad look in his eyes. “Jack?”

Without saying another word, Jack just shut his eyes and let his chest cave before he broke down into sobs. Almost instinctually, you were wrapping your arms around him and pulling him to the couch. You hated the way he sounded, the way his body trembled against yours, and the way he clutched the shirt you wore. You rocked him gently and pursed your lips to contain your emotions.

“I’m sorry.” he cried, pulling away from your neck and shaking his head. “I’m not here enough, I-I don’t do enough, I’m sorry.”

“Stop that, Jack.” you murmured firmly, wiping his face free of tears. “Don’t beat yourself up.”

“You can’t sleep because I’m never home!” he exclaimed, tears brimming over his eyes. “Fuck, I’m something to everybody and I don’t even care about that shit- I just want to be enough for you. And for her. That's it.” he choked out, and you were sure that you were starting to cry yourself. “I don’t even care about anyone else except you and our family, baby, but I still owe everyone something.”

Hearing Jack talk about himself in such a way genuinely hurt you. You could only imagine how long these thoughts had been troubling him.

“Jack, you’re enough already. You’re more than enough.” you tried, and he sniffled before wiping his eyes on your shoulder. “But you’re also one person.”

You kissed his nose when he finally looked at you, narrowing your eyes at him to push your point. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You couldn’t ever lose me, so don’t even start to worry about that.” you pulled his face back and gripped his face. “What would make you say something like that, J?”

“I’m never home. You treat me being in another country for three days like it’s a normal workday. Every night I’ve come home late, you’re knocked out on the couch, and fuck, I missed my baby girl’s ultrasound. You deserve better than this.”

“I can’t get better than you, Jack. I know you’re having a really tough time believing that right now, but I genuinely can’t.”

“Maybe before, b-but now, with all the touring and the press.” you heard the strain of his voice as he continued to list out.

“Jack, how many times have I told you that you’re the first man I’ve ever loved? And not because you’re my husband or I know you’d flip the second you realized that there was anyone before you-” you stopped to smile at Jack’s soft laugh and the kiss he left on the hand that he was holding. “I say that, because I mean it. Because you’re funny and talented and driven and I’ve never met anyone like you, so how could I love anyone like you? Ever since I met you, I have laughed and smiled, and been so, so happy. I love you.”

Jack wiped a tear from his eye and shook his head before coaxing you to straddle his lap and face him. Your stomach left a gap between you, but Jack only looked at it lovingly as he rubbed his hands against your warm skin.

“I love you, too. I-I just can’t stop thinking about how much I’m missing. I feel guilty.”

“You need a break, Jack.” you said, pressing your forehead to his as he let go of a deep breath.

“I can’t right now. There’s so much to do and if I don’t do it now, it’s just going to come back later.”

“It doesn’t have to be a long one. You just need some time, baby.”

“I want to.” he admitted, and you knew it took a lot out of him to say so. “I’ll make some calls tomorrow. See if I can take a couple of weeks off before she’s born.”

“If you need me to, I’ll do it.” you offered, and a grateful smile graced his face.

“Thank you, Y/N. And I mean for everything.” he pulled you impossibly closer and wrapped his arms around you tightly. “For being there, putting up with me and my shit even when it’s the last thing you should have to worry about.”

“I know the man I married, and I love him for all that he is.” you reassured, pecking him softly and Jack blushed.

There was a moment of silence where you bathed in each other’s presence, your hearts beating in sync with the other’s as you melted into the couch. Before you could even give Jack the kiss you were both yearning for, the scent of your soggy cereal caught your nose and you couldn’t help but give in. Jack laughed and shook his head as you rolled off of his lap and grabbed the bowl.

You crossed your legs and raised the bowl to pat your lap invitingly. Jack took you up on it without a beat of hesitance and kissed your stomach as he looked up at you lovingly. “You aren’t going to be allowed to have dinner at one in the morning when I’m home- especially not if you’re eating cereal.”

“Take that up with your daughter.” you talked around a mouthful of cereal and rubbed your stomach. “Not my fault.”

“Mmhmm.” he lifted up half-way before his tired body gave out.

“Ready for bed?” you asked him softly and he shook his head before cuddling into you. “You’re exhausted.”

“I’m just going to sleep right here. We’re going to stay here.”

“Whatever you want, J.” you said as you leaned over to kiss his temple and rake through his tangled curls.

#just leaving this here #it was gonna be longer but if i made it any longer it was never gonna get finished lol #jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #fan fiction #jack harlow fanfiction #jack harlow blurb #bf!jack

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salembutnotthecat · 2 months

Text

tw emeto, treatment, mentions of serious illness, single dialogue mention of another character suffering an overdose, self doubt

for all of those lovely readers who have been so eagerly waiting to figure out what’s up with kostya, here is your fic.

*kotyonok means kitten, there is other Ukrainian dialogue in the fic but it is answered to in english

if you have requests/comments/questions/concerns, send an ask (please i beg)

Kostya wants to hide in his hoodie the minute Amanda comes into the room.

Well, technically, legally, it’s Lana’s hoodie. Lana’s hoodie from high school at that. When he played sports, Kostya couldn’t remember which one right now.

“I’m sorry Kostya,” She said.

Kostya was sure that Amanda was a wonderful woman outside of the hospital. Really. But right now, shes the last person he wants to see. In fact, he tells himself he hates her. And in this kind of moment he does.

“It’s procedure,” Kostya said, giving in.

Amanda nodded, “Has anything changed?”

Kostya thought for a second. Anymore his thoughts were hazy. Days and nights blurred together. He couldn’t think.

Thankfully he doesn’t have to. Lana looks at him and offers a reassuring smile, “You want me to start?”

Kostya nodded, pulling up his sleeve so Amanda had access to the vein she needed.

“So, then Lana,” Amanda said, “Anything new? The same?”

“The things I know about are the fatigue, the nausea, the lightheadedness, and the lack of appetite,” Lana said, shrugging.

It’s enough for Kostya to take over, “Headaches, sensitivity, cold a lot, lots of feeling like I might pass out but…”

“Have you passed out at all since last week’s appointment?” Amanda asked.

“Sunday afternoon,” Lana answered. Lana heard Kostya sigh defeatedly and click his tongue. “We went grocery shopping. And yes, yes I know he shouldn’t go out more than he needs to but-“

“It’s alright Lana,” Amanda said, “What happened?”

“He was fine… like at the store and everything, it was after we put everything up he just…” Lana tried to explain.

“I remember getting dizzy and grabbing the counter, next thing I know you somehow moved me and I was waking up on the couch.” Kostya said.

Amanda frowned, “Sounds like overexertion.”

Kostya nodded slowly.

“What about everything else?” Amanda said, “Bruising? Nosebleeds? Or your gums when you brush your teeth?”

Kostya nodded, “They don’t happen as much. Well, I mean I was anemic before this all happened so I’m used to bruising and my gums bleeding. I had a nosebleed… I think Monday?”

“Did you feel dizzy or anything after?” Amanda asked, getting Kostya set up.

“Dizzy, but I sat down and Lana grabbed some water so I was fine,” Kostya said.

“I think you’re down to get another round of blood work next week,” Amanda said, “We’ll see how the disease is behaving. Better, worse, the same. And we’ll adjust your treatment accordingly.”

Kostya nodded, “I’m just ready for it to be over… I don’t like feeling sick all the time.”

“Unfortunately thats what the aplastic anemia does,” Amanda shrugged, “It’s not cancer. But things like leukemia and others… well, they do the same. But, that’s why you get these sessions.”

Kostya nodded again, “I know. I just…. Hate it.”

The sterile hospital room was filled with the soft hum of machinery as Kostya settled into the treatment chair.

At first, Lana's touch was gentle and comforting, his hand softly petting Kostya's hair as they waited for the treatment to begin.

At the start. There was small conversation. Kostya hated silence when he was here. He hated it.

“How’s your album coming?” Kostya asked, shifting to look up at Lana.

“Slowly,” Lana said, “Lex is great. Soren too. The girls are phenomenal. But it’s still not the same without you.”

“Hopefully after next week’s blood work they might clear me to go to the studio and work again,” Kostya shrugged. He really hoped they would. He missed working in the studio. Missed going with Lana. Missed everything.

Lana continued stroking his hand over Kostya’s bangs, “Hopefully. But I promise, nobody is upset about you not being able to work. Well, nobody but you.”

“It just sucks,” Kostya said, “I mean Lex was back after three months and I’ve been out for six… it sucks.”

“I know,” Lana said, “But Lex’s situation was different than yours is right now. Neither were worse or better. But they are different.”

“Still, feels shitty that he was able to go back to both music and paramedic work in less time than I’ve been away because of-“

“You have aplastic anemia,” Lana said, “You get chemotherapy three times a week. Lex suffered an overdose that miraculously did minimal long term damage. You both lucked out to an extent, he’s alive and functional as before and you have this, not leukemia. But what you’re going through takes more out of you than Lex’s circumstances did to him.”

Kostya nodded. Lana was right. It wasn’t fair to compare his circumstances to Lex, he knew that. But it still messed with him more than he wanted to admit.

Lana continued petting his hair and Kostya leaned into the affection, grateful for Lana's comfort.

As the clock ticked on and the treatment round progressed, Kostya's symptoms started to show up.

First there was no conversation on Kostya’s end. Lana was talking, Lana always talked to fill the silence. The chemicals coursing through his veins left him feeling dizzy and nauseous, a familiar yet unwelcome sensation that he had grown accustomed to enduring.

Lana noticed the subtle shift in Kostya's demeanor, the way his breathing became shallow and his complexion paled.

He continued for a little bit, talking and petting Kostya’s hair. But as soon as he felt sweat on Kostya’s forehead, he stopped. Sensing that physical contact might exacerbate Kostya's discomfort, Lana withdrew his hand, giving Kostya space while still remaining by his side.

Kostya appreciated Lana's understanding, knowing that Lana was trying to support him in the best way possible.

"You're doing great, kotyonok," Lana whispered, offering words of encouragement as Kostya closed his eyes, trying to focus on something other than the queasiness in his stomach.

But Kostya's condition continued to deteriorate despite Lana's efforts to provide comfort. His nausea intensified, accompanied by waves of dizziness that left him feeling disoriented and weak. He struggled to maintain his composure, his hands gripping the armrests of the treatment chair tightly as he tried to ride out the discomfort.

Lana's concern deepened as he watched Kostya's distress escalate.

"Kotyonok, you look like you’re going to be sick…" Lana said gently, his voice filled with worry.

Kostya forced a weak smile, trying to mask the severity of his symptoms. "I'm okay, Lana," he replied, his voice trembling slightly.

He hoped that convincing himself he wouldn't be sick would somehow keep the nausea at bay, but deep down, he knew it was a losing battle.

Lana's voice faded into the background as Kostya's focus shifted to the overwhelming urge to throw up. He clenched his jaw, trying to hold back the inevitable, but his body had other plans.

As the minutes passed, Kostya's condition only worsened. The queasiness in his stomach became unbearable, and he could feel the telltale signs of an impending bout of vomiting.

Lana heard Kostya’s breaths grow more shallow. Panicked. He was already on his feet grabbing the basin when Kostya finally spoke up.

"I-I think I need..." Kostya's words were cut off as he leaned over the basin, retching uncontrollably as the contents of his stomach emptied in a violent upheaval.

Lana's heart ached at the sight of Kostya's suffering. He wanted nothing more than to take away his pain and discomfort.

"It's okay, kotyonok. Let it out," Lana murmured, his voice filled with empathy. He knew that this was part of the harsh reality of chemotherapy, a necessary but grueling process that took a toll on Kostya's already fragile health.

Instinctively, Lana found himself starting to rub Kostya’s back. A lapse in judgement. Kostya reached far enough to nudge Lana’s hand off of him, hoping that was the last of the vomiting but knowing there was more.

Lana's heart sank as Kostya nudged his hand away, a silent indication of his discomfort with physical contact during moments of nausea. Lana immediately withdrew, cursing himself for the lapse in judgment. He knew better than to touch Kostya during these moments, but his concern had momentarily overridden his better judgment.

"Oh kotyonok… I'm sorry," Lana whispered, stepping back and giving Kostya the space he needed to cope with the intense nausea.

He felt a pang of guilt for adding to Kostya's distress, even unintentionally.

Kostya continued to retch into the basin, his body convulsing with each wave of sickness. Lana watched helplessly, wishing there was more he could do to ease Kostya's suffering.

After what felt like an eternity, Kostya's stomach finally settled, leaving him exhausted and drained. He leaned back in the treatment chair, his breathing labored and his face pale.

Kostya felt dizzy. Almost lightheaded even. Throwing up took more energy out of kostya than he was sure he had, and the thought of getting up and getting out to the car, let alone going home, felt like more than Kostya could handle.

And yet he wanted nothing more than to go back home. To lay down in his room. To be anywhere but here and sleep all this off.

His breathing was the first thing he noticed. It was shallow, breathless. More than usual. Definitely because of the lack of energy, existing alone was taking too much energy.

“Hey… kotyonok, you okay?” Lana asked softly.

Kostya shook his head, “meni… meni ne po sobi…”

Even though it was his mother tongue, the words felt so foreign coming out.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Lana said softly, grabbing Kostya’s hand and rubbing his thumb on the back of Kostya’s hand, “But we can go home soon and you can sleep this off.”

Kostya shifted, pulling the hood up, covering his eyes. Lana's worry deepened as he observed Kostya's exhausted state. The toll of the vomiting was evident, and Lana wished he could do more to alleviate Kostya's discomfort.

Just then, a gentle knock on the door signaled the arrival of a nurse. Amanda is back.

"Excuse me, Kostya," Amanda said softly as she entered the room, her voice carrying a reassuring tone. "We're almost done with your treatment. I know it's been tough, but you're doing great."

“He got sick, and he’s exhausted,” Lana said.

“Ya mozhу hovoryty za sebe,” Kostya said.

“You’re so tired you’re speaking Ukrainian,” Lana said, “I don’t doubt Amanda is smart but I highly doubt she can speak Ukrainian. I don’t think she’ll be much help if you speak for yourself.”

“I can see that,” Amanda said softly, “Are you still nauseous Kostya?”

Kostya managed a weak nod.

The nurse approached Kostya's chair, carrying a small tray with a cup of water and a packet of anti-nausea medication.

“I have some medication here that should help with the nausea," she explained, handing the packet to Kostya. "It might make you feel a bit drowsy, but it should provide some relief."

Kostya accepted the medication gratefully, pulling his hood back and swallowing it with a sip of water. He leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes as he hoped for the medication to take effect soon.

"Thank you, Amanda," Lana said softly, as Amanda started getting Kostya ready to go, "We appreciate everything you do."

Amanda smiled warmly. "It's my pleasure. Just remember to take it easy for the rest of the day, Kostya," she advised before leaving the room.

As the effects of the medication started to kick in and Kostya's nausea gradually subsided, Lana felt a sense of relief wash over him.

“Do you want to wait it out?” Lana asked, “Or do you want me to help you out of here?”

Kostya hummed, thinking, before sighing softly, “Ya khochu piti…”

“Okay, we can leave,” Lana said, helping Kostya stand. “I’ve got you. I promise.”

#emeto #sickfic #emeto fic #emeto cw #emeto tw #emetophilia

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

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Since you mentioned that you may be taking requests and also that you did that Dreamling oneshot the other day, I would like very much to humbly request an “every one of my family members is an eldritch abomination myself included however I should very much like to just go to uni and hopefully not destroy the entire world thanks” girlfriends, Rose and Nile?

It goes without saying that there are many things about this whole situation -- uprooting her life, moving to a new country, becoming her brother's legal guardian, helping him adjust while still feeling horrendously guilty about not saving him from his previous abusive situation sooner, sorting through her wealthy and late great-grandmother's extensive estate, and trying to start a graduate degree, while the mellifluous tones of Yakety Sax echo constantly through said country's government and she's not sure if the whole place is about to explode in a puff of clown-car smoke -- which are very, very stressful. Rose has always been good at making up more things to worry about, but even she doesn't need to search for ways to whet her anxiety, because it's already there and then some. Not to mention the whole part where she nearly destroyed the universe, became a dream vortex and then un-became it, inadvertently helped her friend have a baby with her dead husband, and almost agreed to let her creepy immortal great-uncle murder her for the greater good, before calamity was averted at the last minute and she turned out to be something called a Child of the Endless. Surely that won't be a problem again. Right?

In any event, amid this whirlwind of chaos, change, anxiety, and effort, Rose is very grateful to have met Nile Freeman, and they've taken to spending more and more time together. They have instantly bonded as young black women from America (or rather, Rose thinks Nile is from America, but she hasn't actually said) who both live in London and have endured the headaches of obtaining graduate degrees in history. Nile finished her PhD at KCL a few years ago, and is now doing that oh-so-fun early-career-researcher shuffle as she decides what she wants to do next, though she's made several cryptic references to wealthy parents who live in Malta and send her enough money to make sure she doesn't sleep under a bridge. "I appreciate it," she says as they walk through Bloomsbury, en route to Senate House so Rose can use the University of London's main library. "And considering all the disasters happening back in 2018, I was lucky to survive, truly. But sometimes I still want to do it on my own, you know."

"Mmm-hmm." Rose looks at her curiously. "What exactly do your parents do, by the way?"

"They..." Nile pauses. They come to a halt at the crosswalk and wait for the light. "You know, this and that."

Rose finds this answer rather vague, but maybe it's a sensitive subject, or Nile just doesn't want to talk about it yet. After all, they've only known each other for a few months, and Rose can't deny that she's very keen to impress the older girl. Nile is so gorgeous, so self-assured, with a strange eerie sheen to her skin and eyes that sometimes looks almost unearthly, but she's definitely the most normal person that Rose has recently met, and their interactions are the most refreshing part of her life. She has a bit (or maybe more than a bit) of a crush on Nile, but is too shy to see if that is actively reciprocated. As the light turns green and they cross, Rose says, "Are you from Malta, then? I thought you were American."

"Ethiopia," Nile says. "I was born there, at least. My parents adopted me a... a long time ago."

There definitely seems to be something she isn't saying, but Rose decides to let it pass, and they spend an enjoyable afternoon working at Senate House. Afterward, they trek off into the Bloomsbury streets in search of dinner, select a charming underground restaurant, and sit down in a candlelit corner. Nile orders her steak rare -- rare enough, in fact, that it's still practically mooing on the plate -- and Rose says jokingly, "Don't tell me, let me guess. You're a vampire."

Nile, who has just taken a sip of some indeed rather blood-red wine, chokes, starts coughing, and takes several minutes to compose herself, as Rose apologizes profusely. But she isn't laughing or treating it like a joke; she looks deeply startled. "How did you -- "

"Wait." Rose frowns. Oh no. Not her nice, normal, lovely friend who-she-kind-of-wants-to-be-her-girlfriend. Not in the one relationship and/or person she foolishly thought was not at all magical, creepy, supernatural, insane, or otherwise weird. "Are you...? I was just joking. I didn't..."

There's a very, very long pause. Nile seems to be weighing something up. At last she says, "If, hypothetically, I was... well, something like that, would you be upset?"

"I, uh." Rose considers what to say. After all, her horizons of what is possible have been recently and drastically broadened, and she's certainly not about to claim out of hand that vampires don't exist. "I don't think so?"

"I'm..." Nile looks around shiftily to make sure that all the other diners are happily absorbed, then lowers her voice anyway. "Technically half-vampire, half-djinn. My dads are one each. Nicky's a vampire and Joe's a djinn, and they sired me together, so it's... a long story."

"Okay." Rose blinks several times. "So your parents are...."

"Magical creatures, yeah." Nile eyes her. "You're taking this very well. Wait, are your parents also some kind of...?"

"My biological parents are both dead, but it turns out that I'm descended from something called the Endless." Rose feels awkward saying it, but there it is. "Do you, er, know what those are?"

"I don't think so. I could ask?"

"My great-uncle is the King of Dreams," Rose confesses, in something of a rush. "Lord Morpheus. Do you know him?"

"Maybe. It's been a long time, I can't remember everyone we've crossed paths with over the centu -- years." Nile nods her thanks as the waiter sets down a fresh basket of bread. "But again, I could -- "

"Wait. Centuries? How old are you?"

There is another long and deeply awkward pause. Then Nile says, "Technically, nineteen. But I was sired in 1104, so that means..." She calculates, then ventures, "Nine hundred and eighteen?"

"I knew it," Rose mutters. She is apparently just a magnet for every ever-living (literally) eldritch weirdo in the Western Hemisphere, and this isn't even touching the fact that her likewise-seemingly-nice-and-normal history professor/thesis supervisor is evidently also an ageless immortal and her aforementioned creepy King of Dreams great-uncle is valiantly attempting to not only date him, but ask Rose for advice. Truly. Her life is ridiculous.

#anonymous #ask #aitww #the key of solomon #tkos asks #look i am technically not in fact actively TAKING requests #but you saw 'i am very easily enabled' and went 'hmm i bet i can get them to write this anyway'#and i respect that hustle #so your wish has been granted! XD #....i shouldn't say that should i #now other people may try it #welp

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nebulousneuroticism · 7 months

Text

I was very tired this morning. No meetings, so after checking in with work, I napped for a while. I must have really needed the sleep.

Feeling very groggy, I got up in the mid-afternoon. I set about doing some work, with frequent breaks for things like making a sandwich and going to the grocery store. D&D was canceled, so I settled in to work through the evening. I felt like I had to get something done because I had a clear task for once and I've been slacking so much lately. I finished my task around ten pm.

Then, I had another meal and spent some time relaxing. I couldn't decide what to do, so I eventually chose to finally try out the DLC from Fire Emblem Engage. I've heard it's very good, so I'm looking forward to it. It requires a certain point in the campaign to access, and I wanted to start a new save file, so I didn't get there tonight.

I feel okay physically tonight, I suppose. I've been teetering on the edge of a headache all day, probably due to oversleeping and lack of exercise, but it never manifested. Hopefully some sleep will take care of that.

Emotionally, I'm... not really sure how I feel. Like, I'm functioning again, getting work done and such. But I'm also ignoring a lot of things that may become an issue pretty soon. For example, I haven't planned my holidays yet, and i have a dentist appointment next week, and I'm still dissatisfied with work. These things will certainly cause me pain in the future, but it seems like the only way for me to maintain a stable state is to ignore them until they become critical. How problematic.

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justaredheadf1fan · 1 year

Text

Back to hell in Jeddah

Well, hi!

Second race weekend take the cake? I'm not an optimist taking into account Sharl is starting the weekend off with a penalty. Way to go, yay!

I'm gonna keep the same structure as last weekend, I like the organization better. Just gonna add up some color to the subheadings, seeing all the text in white and trying to find the thicker font is giving me a headache. I'm late watching and writing it all since as usual I was entertained by other things. I might even start the chaos of watching everything quite late as last summer since I might be starting work on Formentera almost a month earlier. We'll see how I manage this this time around.

Press conference - Thursday

Honestly, the only interesting comments from the first press round were coming from Yuki. I'm biased, he was the only interesting driver for me on there, but you know. I have to say though, seeing Lando talking about how they need to improve the car and all is so funny to me. Suck it up, Buttercup.

I like how Yuki talks, so eloquently, more analytically maybe, or at least he seems super focus. I'm more used to seeing him they way he's always shown, shouting in the car or joking around with Pierre, but this calmer version of him is also good to see. I really find him super endearing, honestly.

The second press round looks much better, at least 4 of the drivers are worth listening to.

Poor Estie Bestie talking about the hundred different penalties he got during the race 2 weeks ago. I hope he gets a better race this weekend, at least.

I wanna hug Lance, seriously. It's still a wonder how he's there after breaking his wrists, having surgery, coming back right away and all. Braver than the US marines, my boy.

We don't care about Checo unless he's fighting with his teammate, so moving on. Last but certainly never least, Lewis glowing all around, he's so calm, he's so chill.

Free Practice 1 - Friday

Sunny FP session this afternoon to start the weekend. That must be a hell of a hot day.

Honestly, not much has been going on apart from the stupid rumblings of the Spanish commentators, to which I no longer pay attention at this point. It's a good thing that this is a quiet session since this track is Hell.

There have been a couple of close calls with a Haas and another car that I can't remember now, but it could've been scary material if you know what I mean. And a few off track trips on Turn 22 maybe? But other than that, not much else. So, that's why I've been making the most out of the session since I barely had to look at the screen to begin with. Nice (?)

The one really fantastic update that's worth mentioning above else honestly is the helmet cam on Lewis. Now, that's a view I enjoy.

Just a few problems for Checo I see and that's about it and it's right at the end of the session anyway so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Free Practice 2 - Friday

I may be speaking way too quickly but the second session of the day is looking quite like the first one, calm and quiet.

And indeed it was. I haven't paid that much attention due to the lack of interesting stuff going on. A few problems with the traffic, but not much else. I mean, yeah we already know RBR are leading, Aston Martin are pretty much crushing it and blah blah blah.

The most interesting was seeing Sid the Sloth almost going up against the wall a few times, but we can never get that lucky as to seeing him scratch the car enough as in 2021 during Quali. Ah, good times.

Anyway, more tomorrow and hopefully Quali's a kicker.

Free Practice 3 - Saturday

Sooooooo, here we go again with another session of nothing and a little bit more of nothing. Same as yesterday, I'm afraid.

I hope we get a little more excitement in Australia during Free Practice since it's not this hellhole, at least the chances of half the drivers killing each other accidentally will be a tad lower.

Yeah, definitely a truly quiet breakfast experience watching this at 2pm. There's nothing to comment on about this session, honestly. So I'll just leave it here.

Quali better be something else, for the love of all things... interesting? However that phrase goes 🤣

Peace out!

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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

Text

hello here is a scruffy little girl keeping vigilant watch over the backyard!!!! NO squirrels allowed!!! we got up at 5:30 but lord I slept badly… had bad racing thoughts trying to fall asleep and then just tossed and turned all night. woke up with a splitting headache but the mood is nevertheless good because after today I only have three days of this loathèd job left :)))))

I think part of the reason I was tossing and turning so much last night is that I was thinking about how much the rhythms of my life are going to change when I’m actually in a real job with a real schedule and real responsibilities. I feel absolutely positive that the tradeoffs will be worth it, but I do want to just emotionally prepare myself for the inevitable adjustment period where I panic a little about not having endless time to cook/walk the dogs for hours/lounge in bed. I think in the summer it will be fine because even if I get home at 5:30 or 6 I’ll still have plenty of time to walk the dogs while it’s light out… the hardest part will probably just be the winter when the sun sets at 4 and I can’t walk the dogs in the middle of the day. but I hope that by the time the Long Dark rolls around I’ll be settled enough in the job that I can arrange my schedule in a way that enables me to meet my human needs! like maybe taking very long lunches and working a bit later so I can drive home and walk the dogs during the day, or just getting the reflective vest & dorky headlight gear that will enable me to do long walks when it’s pitch black out at 5pm lol. and I want to not be afraid to use the hybrid option as needed—if I’m home two days a week, I can take full advantage of that time (and can really savor every second of daylight I get on the weekends). as far as cooking goes, I’m hoping that liz and alex will live close enough for us to cook together a couple times a week, which will make cooking feel more like a joyful social occasion and less of a chore I have to do at the end of a long day. I also think that I am slowly getting to the point where I find the act of cooking itself to be relaxing and fun, so hopefully I can continue to make it feel like a nice calming/centering thing I do for myself as the day winds down.

anyway the point is: big life changes always feel scary!! but that’s because on the cusp of a big change you’re always keenly attuned to the things you’ll be losing (because you have a concrete sense of what those things are) and not as able to imagine all the things you’ll be gaining (because the future is still hazy and ill-defined in your mind). I have complete faith that this change will transform my life in so many positive ways that the adjustments I have to make or the energy I have to put into creating new routines will be more than worth it.

anyway ok!!! I worked from 6:30-8:30 finishing up a project and am now taking a short lounge break before I meet with my lead from 9-10. after that I may have a few work tasks to complete, but if not I can shift my attention to other stuff. here are the things I am committed to doing today:

read through CT material and email him back

send JE a gentle nudge about job materials

unearth these plants that died and put them in plastic pots so I can return them

run at the gym! since I’m being oddly resistant I’m going to lower the expectations for myself! I just want to warm up, run 1 mile, and cool down, which will take me under 20 min. I suspect I’ll end up doing more than that but the point is just to get myself out the door and into the gym.

do all returns (kohl’s, target, old navy, home depot). my shameless bribe to myself is that if I do all that stuff I can buy yellow flowers, a cilantro plant, and a cherry tomato plant.

then I’ll check back in at work and take care of anything that came up before moving on to my afternoon tasks:

read through JS material and email her back

finish generating AU brainstorming prompts

walk the dogs for an hour (it’s deliciously cool out this morning so I might do this earlier in the day to take advantage tbd)

showerrrrrrr

talk to M/HL and book flight

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chrisevansdaughter · 2 years

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afternoon honey, how are you? what’s on your to-do list today?🫶🏻

Hey love! I’m feeling exhausted today, my headache from my concussion is still very much here and my hands yeah still can’t feel them 😂 and had a nightmare last night but I am alive :/ my to do list for today is

- finish some Luna asks, I am trying to get to the other asks I’ve only got a month left at home before I start work so I’m trying to get though all of them as soon as I can with all the emotions going around too :)

- hopefully get my new phone today

- do my washing oml I need to do it 💀

And just chill and not overwhelm myself like I did yesterday like I just came home and fell asleep and slept for 11 hours I think?

#chrisevansdaughter #chris evans #chris evans daughter #chrisevansdaughter loves 💖❤️#chrisevansdaughter online 💖#chrisevansdaughter speaks 🫶🏻#chrisevansdaughter moots

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kinetic-elaboration · 2 years

Text

August 10: Wednesday Headache

Short note today because I am not feeling well. I worked on claims at work, got a lot done but not as much as I’d hoped--but then I was probably too ambitious. I got my list down to 54, from 84, so I am proud of that. I also had a slight headache right at the front of my head for most of the day. After lunch, I also briefly felt these terrible stomach cramps. I don’t know what that was about but at least it only lasted a few minutes.

Late in the afternoon, it stormed very badly, though luckily it ended before I had to go home. It’s supposed to be raining or storming for all of tomorrow too, but I’m still holding out some hope I can have a little coffee break after work.

My headache was worse when I got home but instead of taking a painkiller I decided to take a nap, because I was also very sleepy. I had weird dreams, which I think were stress dreams about all the stuff I had to do and how overwhelmed I was. Last night or the night before, I had Law School Exam dreams for the first time in a couple years, so that’s probably not a great sign either.

Tomorrow I go to work and then Friday I have off but I leave at about 2:30 for the airport. So in other words I have time, but not THAT much time. I need to clear out some space on my phone, get through my dishes backlog, take out the trash, and of course, pack. I’m literally only going to be gone for... 55 hours? It’s not like I have to take a lot but one can never assume packing isn’t complex.

So. Hopefully I can get stuff done Thursday night in a non-stressful way and also get some rest. I just hope I feel better than I do today or it will be very, very hard.

#the year 2022 #2022: rl

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archonsabyss · 10 days

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baby girl~ mi amor~ babes! hihi c:

sending you soft vibes, cozy vibes ^.^ you've been on my mind recently for a few reasons~

one: bc i see you posting! and i love seeing you post! c: also pls start acotar please come scream with me!!!! drop fourth wing pick up acotar. granted, i am on silver flames but i absolutely devoured the books in two months it's so easy to read and trust i have so many opinions i promise if you scream about this book i will hear you

two: i got ateez tickets and you best believe i'm absolutely pumped and i cannot wAIT TO BREAK THE WALL WITH FELLOW ATINYS!!! like i saw bits and pieces of them at coachella but i wanted to wait for their tour! this feels like a full circle moment like i still remember when they were kq fellaz and now here they are!!! i'm SOBBING!! i'm tempted to buy their light stick i'm so happy for them!!

and three: i hope you're doing well~ the weather's getting warmer (are we on the same side of the equator?) and we're about to hit the halfway point of 2024. i know: i'm just as shocked. i got some big adult things i'm working on that i'm super pumped about c:

be sure to eat some fruit and stretch some~ also unclench your jaw too!

thinking of you always, raie ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

got me giggling with those names cutie. but hi hey hello, it's been a minute. wholeheartedly accepting and welcoming those vibes because i've been holed up in my room in bed on a reading spree to the point I should probably go outside for some fresh air before I get sick. headaches are a pain and so is straining my eyes lol, but what do I do when reading is just so frkn good. AND STOP, that makes me so happy to know u enjoy me posting even if it's totally random stuff!!

so i'm still rereading fourth wing but I picked up acotar this morning (first thing I did when I woke up) and I'm on chapter 10!! I am getting into it, lowkey digging Luciens character tho. I've seen occasional spoilers everywhere but nothing enough to give me a real clue as to what tf is actually happening in the books. all I know is that I'm wary of tamlin because of those.. whtvr I've seen. Is it valid? Okay wait don't tell me I'll see eventually! I am fully taking advantage of having nothing to do but teach in the afternoons to satisfy my need to read. I couldn't probably finish acotar tomorrow or 2 days but I'm going to slow it down further so I can fully enjoy it 🙏🏻

HOLY SHIT GIRL YOU GOT WHAT. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT! I HOPE ITS ONE OF THE BEST EXPERIENCES YOU'LL EVER HAVE! AND I HOPE YOU'LL SCREAM YOUR LUNGS OUT ON BEHALF OF ME. I've grown with my ateez I am full on sobbing now at the thought. you deserve this kind of happiness, I hope it lasts forever!

i'm approaching winter so no, we're on opposite ends of the world🥹. I'm in (South Africa) Smh. Also can't believe how fast time is actually going? wdym we're about to hit the halfway point of 2024. that make me stop for a solid minute and rethink my life lmao, but can't say it's been the absolute worst so I'll take it. I'm sincerely wishing you all the best with your adult things, me on the other hand is trying to live and take advantage of the remainder of not having as much responsibilities, it'll probably resume next year as I'll have to start taking life seriously again, but it'll be fine. I'm just taking this one year out of 19 so far to enjoy the world around me. But I'm so happy you' seem excited for whatevers coming your way, it motivates me to wanting to get a show on the road (in a very good way), I sort of lost interest in trying to make something of myself for reasons, but slowly it'll come back (and hopefully without the influence of people and their expectations and judgment)

I could go for some fruit rn istg, I'll have to go out and buy when I get the chance. I'll go take a run after 10 more chapters for exercise🤭 ALSO HOW'D YOU KNOW MY JAW WAS IN NEED OF UNCLENCHING... (it's mildy sore now that I think about it)

Please take care. It's wonderful hearing from you always 🤍🥺

#₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ abyss inbox 📩#⁀🕸🜙˚ raie's ; moots #₊⊹ @princ3ss-world⊹₊

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timeoverload · 2 months

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I am so worn out. It felt like a really long day. I have had a headache since I went to bed last night. I couldn't take anything for it because I have my appointment tomorrow. Hopefully it goes away before then.

This morning was very awkward because the morning team lead and I still aren't talking. I do enjoy the silence but it is a very tense environment to be in. I haven't been in this situation since I started there. The lady that trained me was not very nice but we got along ok for a while. One day she found out what the last 3 digits of my phone number were and she thought I was the devil. She ignored me for months because of that. It was ridiculous and I think that's a stupid reason not to talk to someone. Anyway, I also found out that he isn't planning on going anywhere so that sucks. He went to ask my boss if he would be able to take 3 weeks off for his wedding next year. I already know that I am not going to have a good time if I stick around.

I was annoyed earlier while I was in decontam washing a pan because that creepy guy was doing his decontam shift and he wouldn't stop talking to me. He was trying to convince me to go bowling with him. I am not going to do that and I wish he would stop calling me his friend. I'm only nice because I have to be professional. I don't know what else I would have done to give him that idea because I do my best to avoid and ignore him. I wish they would stop asking him to work upstairs. It would be nice if I could just tell him I have a boyfriend so maybe he would back off then.

The afternoon was very busy and I didn't think it was going to be that bad. There was a specialty bilateral case and that took forever and they used a ton of stuff for it. The doctor was being a dick according to the tech and he kept asking them to open more instruments even though it wasn't necessary. He wasn't happy with anything they gave him. I inspected them and they are totally fine. He is just very picky and he was in a bad mood. I think he might have been stressed so I guess I can understand that. He doesn't do that procedure very often. He used a lot of stuff for his other cases too so I had a big pile at the end of the day. I didn't get all of it done but I don't even care. I just focused on the important things. I didn't put anything away even though my shelf was overflowing. I wanted to go home and sit down so badly.

I left and I made myself stop and get fast food. I knew I wouldn't eat anything if I didn't do that. I haven't had that in so long and I ate too much. I feel really gross but I think I needed to do that. I haven't been eating the best and I have been snacking too much. I didn't eat lunch today because they had wings and they looked horrible. I wasn't going to waste $7 on that. I'm just glad I'm full now.

Somehow I am still gaining weight but I think part of that is due to my soda intake. I haven't had a Dr. Pepper in 2 days and I'm grumpy about it. I know I need to stop because it's causing a lot of problems for me. I can also tell when my blood sugar is too high and it's not a pleasant feeling. I am afraid that I will develop diabetes if I don't stop because that runs in the family. I can have one sometimes but I can't do it every day anymore. I think that part of the reason my head hurts is because I am having horrible withdrawals. It's annoying but I think I am ready to quit now. I am just going to be sleepy all the time I guess.

I wish it wasn't so late but I am going to try to relax for a little while anyway. I don't have much else to say at the moment. I already got ready for bed and I'm cozy. I hope I don't fall asleep right away but I don't want to be tired tomorrow either. I think it will be a good day and I am looking forward to it. :)

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! 💖💖💖

#personal

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noodlesandpanic · 1 year

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Today was a productive but sad day

I started on spray painting the table I just got white (I sprayed it on way too thick so it's globby, and ran out of spray paint so I had to go out and get 2 more cans), and that went pretty shitty so tomorrow I need to sand it down and try again.

I also went to the doctor for a "pelvic exam" but all they did was take a pee and swab sample, push on my stomach a little, and order an ultrasound for my ovaries/uterus since I've been having a lot of pain during and after sex. They said they have to wait for my insurance to approve the ultrasound, and then they'll call me. So I'm assuming it'll probably be another month until I get seen. Being poor and on Medi-Cal sucks.

I also went to the gym and did cardio for 45 minutes, so that was pretty good. It was tough to push though but I did it. I plan to wake up at 6am tomorrow so I can do weights while it's not crazy busy.

But the reason why it was sad, is because things are still super off with my boyfriend. We moved past the other night's fight, but things still aren't right. He seems constantly distant and irritated. He doesn't say all the sweet things to me that he used to. I'm worried that it was a love bombing situation because he told me he loved me after 10 days. I realize that I'm stupid and naive, but things just felt really special and different with him. But now, my hopes for us working out are getting weaker and weaker by the day. Today is our 4 month anniversary. I know it's also only been 4 months, but it's been an intense 4 months. We've been through a lot together and bonded on a deep level really quickly. But now it's starting to feel like maybe it was just all *trauma bonding and love bombing*.

I cried a decent amount today but that's also why I finally went to the gym. I just need to work on myself and focus inward. I need to place my hopes on myself. I also have an interview at Goodwill tomorrow morning (only because they pay $17 hr, they're like 1 mile from my apartment, and I could work the schedule there around my school schedule once I start), and then in the afternoon I have my appointment at the cosmetology school to talk to finance and see if I can get enrolled for the part time course starting in March or May. Fingers crossed for March, but everything will happen as it should.

I have a headache and feel pretty nauseous now. I don't know if it's just from going to the gym for some reason or if it's just from being stressed and sad. But I'm going to watch Love is Blind and make some mini paper bouquets to distract myself. Hopefully everything goes good tomorrow, and this nausea goes away before bed.

Goodnight *moon emoji*

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wheelsup · 3 years

Text

the taming of the shrew | two

if i be waspish, best beware my sting

after some setbacks, penelope is willing to do anything to get you back on board. but has spencer already ruined things?

A/N: hello! im so sorry that this posting schedule is super inconsistent. the more i thought about this chapter, the less i liked the more technical aspects of it. but! i hope you enjoy to plot aspect of it nonetheless <3 thanks for reading!

category: fluff, slow burn series, spencer reid x fem!reader

wc: 4.4k

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Since that phone call with Penelope, she’d been over nearly every night for a week with plates of treats and onslaughts of apologies. Each time she came knocking, you told her there was no amount of persuasion that could change your mind. And yet the following night, she’d be there, a new type of pastry in hand and a new set of reasons why Spencer was worth the trouble.

First, she brought blueberry muffins and reasoned that deep below that prickly exterior, he really was everything she promised –– sweet and caring. But that must be deep, deep down. Like, The Lost City of Atlantis, deep down, because you didn’t expect it to surface any time soon.

Then, she brought fudge brownies and explained that his behavior wasn’t personal –– he was getting snippy with everyone lately. And while you maintained that anybody would have a hard time getting along with Spencer, you were absolutely positive that it was now impossible for you.

Quite frankly, it wasn’t just Spencer who was unwilling to play nice. You hated him. More than you’ve ever hated a stranger.

You wished him a lifetime riddled with minor inconveniences that would drive him to the edge of insanity. You wanted him to miss all his trains by just a quarter of a minute; close enough so that he could see it leave the platform, knowing he almost made it on. You wanted him to constantly feel like he was about to sneeze. You wanted his socks to be perpetually wet, and if he should happen to put on a dry pair? You hoped he stepped in a puddle.

That was all you could think about as you laid out on your couch, munching on one of Penelope’s lemon bars while she paced around your apartment. She kept going on and on advertising Spencer to you. As annoying as it was, she was also saving you a ton on groceries that week.

For the most part, you filtered her out. Not a single word that came out of her mouth was believable anymore, especially not when she was talking about Spencer. Despite what Penelope thought of him, you saw in him what she refused to accept.

As her speech came to a close, she looked at you like she expected a response to dignify her prattling.

“Give it a rest, Penelope. He’s a lost cause,” you laughed dryly. “He doesn’t need –– nor does he want –– anyone in his life.” At the very least, he definitely didn’t want you.

“Yes, that’s the problem!” If you’d been listening to her, you would’ve heard her saying the same thing. “He doesn’t want to date!”

Your head just about exploded when she said that.

There had been countless, fruitless conversations about this, and all along she saw the gaping hole in her supposedly airtight plan?

“If he doesn’t want to DATE, then WHAT was the point of this?!” Your fingers pressed the bridge of your nose; you suddenly felt a headache coming on. Funny how it always happened around the time of day that Penelope came to visit.

Penelope stopped pacing. She stalked over to your couch, picked your legs up by your ankle, and moved them to make space for herself. You begrudgingly sat upright as she took her place beside you.

“Because he’s not himself anymore. He’s not open like he used to be. Not to the people who care about him the most, and certainly not to the world.”

Penelope toyed with the hem of her dress, distracting herself from her quivering lip before pressing on, “Spencer Reid has always wanted love. And it’s not right that he no longer believes he can have it.”

You hadn’t seen Penelope look so desperate until now. It was concerning. Because what could make her look so hopeless? What could make Spencer so hopeless?

“Penelope, I don’t know what’s wrong with your little friend, but… there’s a lot more bubbling inside him than you’re letting on.”

She chewed up the insides of her cheeks, wincing to herself at your incredibly accurate claim.

“You are hiding something, aren’t you?” You narrowed your eyes on her. You were no detective, or whatever exactly her team did, but she was just awful at concealing her thoughts.

“It’s not my story to tell,” she murmured.

She could already feel herself about to give it away and doubled down her mental defenses against it. Focusing extra hard on keeping Spencer’s privacy intact. If only you knew her track record with secrets, you’d be proud of her for staying quiet this long.

“What isn’t your story?”

“That his girlfriend died last year.”

She spilled it before she even realized what she was saying. You’d just asked so nonchalantly that she forgot she was talking aloud. Penelope turned purple, terrified now that the whole truth was out there.

You couldn’t even take satisfaction in the fact that your trick worked. You were just as mortified as Penelope, and if you weren’t already sitting down, you knew you’d need to. You assumed there was something deeper going on with him, you didn’t think it was a dead girlfriend. That was some Nicholas Sparks shit.

“He pretends like he’s fine but I know he’s not. And if he found a way to move on, maybe he’d start feeling as okay as he claims to be,” she sniffled before snot could run from her nose, tears lining the rims of her eyes. “I know I should’ve given you the full picture, but I didn’t think you’d go for it if you knew…”

You were too floored to process it all right away. This added a whole new layer of complicated to an already uneasy arrangement.

“Well, I know you’re right about one thing. I would’ve said no.”

She gave you a set of pleading eyes, praying you’d see where she was coming from.

“I know,” she whispered defeatedly. “But maybe... now that you know, you can understand why he acts out the way he does.”

“Penelope, I can’t just… make someone move on, or –– or get them to believe in love! Especially when it’s fake.”

How on Earth did she expect you to pull that off? Did that guy from A Walk to Remember move on when Mandy Moore died? You hadn’t seen the ending of the movie, but you assumed not.

“I’m sorry, this is just… a lot bigger than the favor I thought it was ––”

“What if I could return it?” she cut in. The gears in her head started to turn, figuring ways to patch up the holes she made.

“There’s nothing I need from you.”

That couldn’t be true. Penelope looked around the room and it didn’t take her long to think of it.

“I can help you sell your art,” she tempted, gesturing to the scattered canvases. “You make all your income from this, right?”

You didn’t want to give any fuel to her fire, but you nodded. “What if… what if you didn’t have to settle for local buyers? What if I told you that you could make way more money selling them to the whole world?”

You chortled at her idea.

You were a local artist, through and through. Your art got put in local galleries and sold to local buyers. Nothing more, and that was fine with you. You realized it a long time ago that it was just a pipe dream to think you’d be more.

“I’m serious! You could get a separate painting studio, and stop living in one? Huh?” She wrapped her hand around your shoulder, waving the other in the air, urging you to picture it with her. “Imagine this: a kitchen that’s separate from your living room. A bed, inside it’s own four walls, and more than twelve feet from where you cook your meals.”

Pushing aside her so blatantly insulting your apartment, if that were a possibility, you’d want nothing more. But it already sounded foolish and you hadn’t even heard how she planned to pull it off.

“Penelope, I’m fine where I am. I make the money I need, and that’s... it’s fine.”

She gave you a pointed look. “You know, I can hack all search engine results to make sure you are what comes up first anytime someone enters the word ‘painting’, right?

An airy chuckle left your lips. Of course she could. You patted her thigh twice and stood up, prompting her to follow you to your door –– hopefully, so she can show herself to the other side of it. “Still no, Pen.”

“Just take some time to think about it!” Her voice carried through the wood as you shut it on her.

There was this one bench in Kenilworth Park – the one that overlooks the crystal clear pond – that you’d always been able to rely on to fix any problem.

There was hidden magic in the bushes that sprawled out from the edges of the water, surrounded by spiky green blades of overgrown grass. A simplicity you loved in baby ducklings paddling into the tiny body of water, swimming close together so they don’t get lost in, what seems to them, a whole ocean. And clarity provided by the freshest air in the world, under the shade of the big oak trees on a late summer afternoon.

But at the present, none of that came close to being enough.

The artist’s block started off as a minor inconvenience, but without your permission, had stretched into weeks of steadily declining motivation. Each new idea felt even worse than the last, and you were acutely aware that there would come a point where you’d officially hit maximum capacity for how awful they could get.

Still, that didn’t seem to light a fire under you. You happily coexisted with the blank pages of your sketchbook. Staring down at them, laying open on your lap in their stark-white glory, you felt like you were playing a waiting game. If you stared long and hard enough, maybe they’d flinch.

Unfortunately, you never got to find out who won, because your phone rang inside your pocket. As if the caller had interrupted an incredible genius at work (which couldn’t be farther from the truth), you hastily raised the phone to your ear, slamming your sketchbook shut.

“Hello?” Your voice wasn’t as kind as it could be for someone with nothing better to be doing. Two seconds later, you learned who was calling and came to regret it.

“Hi, This is Rebecca from District Arts, calling with a message from Andre ––”

“Oh, hi!” you tried to walk back your previous tone, straightening up in your seat and pitching your voice higher, “Yeah, I’ve been waiting to hear from him!”

While Rebecca intimidated you, Andre happened to be your closest friend at the gallery. He worked closely with the artists to curate their collection and help them make sales.

“Does he want to sort out what to set the opening bid prices at for my new pieces?” A handful of days ago, you sent him pictures of your new work and were waiting to hear his thoughts. You’d always been able to trust his opinion, and a vote of confidence from him might be just the thing to inspire you.

“Uhm…” There was a criminally long pause on the other side of the line, ended by Rebecca’s weary inhale. “Unfortunately, we’re calling to inform you that your pieces will not be included in the next rotation.”

For a minute, you weren’t sure what to make of what she said. You’d never heard those words before.

“What – what do you mean?” you laughed nervously. She probably misspoke. Perks of friendship aside, Andre always included you in sets.

“Ugh, let me just get him…” her voice faded away as she put the phone down.

That wasn’t exactly the reassuring statement you were looking for. In the time it took for the call to switch hands, your confusion finally melted in. And then quickly boiled into anger.

The District Arts gallery changed their entire collection every two months. The pieces shown accepted rolling bids throughout the full eight weeks, finally selling at the end of term to their highest offer. After that, the pieces got taken down, sent to happy new owners, and the entire gallery reset with entirely new works.

So if you missed one rotation, that meant waiting two months to get back in.

“Andre, how am I just cut from the gallery!” you barked before he could get a word in. If he didn’t like your work, he could’ve just said so.

“No one said that ––”

“Okay, let me rephrase.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, something you found yourself doing quite frequently lately, and took a deep breath in and out. It was seemingly just for show because it did absolutely nothing to calm you down. “Why wouldn’t you put me in the next set? I’m in all of them!”

“I know you are!” He sounded just as upset. “It’s just that… we give you the biggest space we have, because you always manage to fill it up. But this time… I’m not so sure you can.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you scoffed. “What makes you say that?” You asked that, but you knew.

“You’ve only finished three pieces… I’m worried how you’ll deliver seven more before we set up.”

“But… it’s four weeks away, I could do ––”

“And it took you four weeks to make what you have... I’m sorry. We couldn’t take that gamble.”

He took your silence as an opportunity to turn off the work talk and speak, just friend to friend.

“You know that I trust you and I’d hold that spot if I could. But, I also know what you’re going through right now, and… I don’t know, maybe letting yourself rest would be a good thing?”

Your heart paused. By, “knowing what you’re going through”, you assumed he didn’t mean the little artist’s block.

“If you’re implying that I can’t do my job because of what happened with Cyrus –”

“I’m not, I’m not....” he backtracked as quickly as he could. “But take another look at the paintings you showed me and tell me if they feel like you.”

Even if he was right, you wanted to fight him. You wanted to cry. You wanted to beg that you didn’t need that big space; you were willing to downsize and just turn in the three that you had. Even if they got shoved into the corner where hardly anybody bothered to look. You just couldn’t afford to go two months without the income.

But even with tears beading up, you realized that the gallery couldn’t afford it either. They needed to bring in money and you couldn’t do that for them this time. So they were right to go to someone who can.

“Right,” you sniffled, recollecting yourself so he can’t hear the shakiness in your voice. “I understand. It’s a big risk, like you said… It’s for the better.”

Andre tried to thank you for being understanding and spewed some sort of encouragement. The words flew over your head. You managed to toss in a few ‘mhmm’s and ‘sure’s at the right places to coast you along until the call finally ended.

As soon as it went dead, you dropped your phone to the side and brought your hands to your face, rubbing them furiously over your cheeks. Your fingertips pressed hard into your eyelids, trying to forcibly reabsorb the tears threatening to spill.

It almost worked, until you tried to breathe.

A full sob escaped in that one gulp of air and you succumbed to it. But the loud crunching noise of some pedestrian walking over the falling leaves destroyed your sense of privacy, and you quickly wiped away all signs of your breakdown. The crunching stopped just short of your bench and on instinct you flicked your eyes up to see who the intruder was.

You did a double take. It was him. That fucking asshole.

He was standing there, looking dumber than you could even remember, with his hands in his coat pockets and a curious look on his face as he watched you cry. Tucking your sketchbook under your arm in haste, you made it a point to stand up with as much aggression as possible, rolling your eyes at him.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” you barked. “No need to yell at me this time.”

You bristled past him, barely refraining yourself from checking his shoulder as payback. You wanted to believe you were better than him, but it did sound incredibly tempting. He stood there for a moment before turning on his heel and following you.

“Wait,” he groaned.

You didn’t listen, neither stopping nor slowing down.

“I said wait,” he huffed as he caught up to you, popping up at your side and jogging along as you kept going.

“Yeah, because I need to listen to a guy who yells at strangers in bookstores.”

Now that you’d brought up the elephant in the room, your feet started moving even faster, working double time to get you away from him.

Damn the fact that he had those long legs. He didn’t even break a sweat trying to keep up. He was inescapable.

“Well, if you waited like I asked, you would’ve gotten an apology for the ––”

“Gee, thanks!” you yelled, stopping for only a second to turn to him and give him a mocking bow of your head, hands clasped together like you were praising at his altar. “I was waiting with bated breath for that! Thank you, kind sir, for now my life can go on.”

“Look, I’m actually sorry,” he snapped. Then in realizing the irony, softened his voice, “I’m sorry for being rude. I was having a bad day… not that that’s an excuse.”

You stared at him blankly, just watching his mouth moving quickly and waiting until it finally stopped.

“Did you need something?”

“Did you… did you not hear what I just said?!”

“No, sorry,” you smiled, voice sweet like sugar. “My ears filter bullshit. Wanna try again?”

He scoffed, looking away like he couldn’t believe you before stepping even closer. “What’s your problem?”

“Me!? The fuck –– what the fuck is your problem?” You turned and stormed off again, seething at his audacity. Spencer just couldn’t relent his annoying tendencies and followed yet again.

“My problem is that I’m trying to be nice, and you’re not letting me!”

You got a good, hard laugh out of that. “Okay, first of all, having to apologize for yelling at me and pushing me isn’t exactly the best starting point for the journey of becoming a nice person.”

“Like I said, I was having a bad day.”

Under your breath, you muttered, “Well, I hope this one’s even worse.”

“Why are you such a ––” He stopped himself from finishing that thought. Even in his worst mood, he wouldn’t cross that line.

But he didn’t need to finish it, you knew exactly where he wanted to take it. The soles of your shoes scraped against the loose gravel as you came to a grinding halt, ears ringing.

“A what?” You turned to face him, a sarcastic smile on your face growing wider as he started to shrink more and more. You got up close in his face, daring him to say what he really wanted to. So he could reinforce your belief in exactly the type of person he was. “A what?”

Spencer pursed his lips and shook his head, refusing to say it no matter how much you challenged him. If he wasn’t going to have the balls to say it, you decided to take it upon yourself.

“Tell you what, you keep thinking about it and get back to me the next time you’re in a cunty mood.”

The word he was thinking of was probably not as bad, but you had a habit of escalating things. Even if you took this one too far, you didn’t care.

Before you tried to take off again, Spencer’s hand flew to your elbow. He tugged you back, forcing you to turn around and face him. He didn’t know his own strength; without any resistance, you came stumbling into his chest, at risk of falling over if it weren’t for his tight grip on your arm.

It took you a beat to push him away with both your hands on his chest, vocalizing your disgust for being so close to him.

“Can you stop trying to disagree with me for a second? I’m trying to tell you that you’re right, I was being a… well, you know…” He avoided the word. Apparently ‘cunt’ was where he drew the line. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”

Your nostrils were still flared and blood hot as ever, but he made you pause. He looked sincere, if not a little tinged with guilt as well. You were suspicious of it.

“You saw me crying and felt bad, didn’t you?”

He laughed darkly. “Well, I saw you, yes. Did I feel bad? No.”

“Oh, my God,” you growled, berating yourself for getting close to believing he might be capable of decency.

“I’m joking! I’m joking.” He squeezed your elbow twice in earnest. “I did feel bad, but that’s not why I wanted to say it.”

“Okay.” You weren’t ready to give him a real smile, so you flattened your lips into a thin line and nodded once slowly, and left it at that.

You still weren’t a fan, but the apology did dampen some of the resentment. Maybe he wasn’t the worst person alive. You’d settle for saying top ten most annoying, instead.

Minutes later, you came to the startling realization that he was still on the path, just two paces behind you. You flinched when you saw him out of the corner of your eye, not expecting him to still be here.

“Uhm. Where are you… why are you still following me?”

“I’m not. My car’s that way,” he gestured to the parking lot at the end of the long walkway. “I forgot my loaf for the ducks.” He didn’t mean to offer that information up, it just slipped out. He could practically see your smug expression coming before it even got there.

“You’re not supposed to feed bread to the ducks. It’s bad for them.”

“I don’t.” He didn’t care to explain this to you, but he couldn’t have you thinking he was any less competent than he really was. “It’s a special bread made from water and seeds that were ground into flour. It’s duck-safe.”

“They make duck-safe bread?” Now that was something you’d never heard before.

“No… I make duck-safe bread,” he said softly under his breath.

You didn’t know how else you were supposed to react to that besides laughing wildly.

“You make it?” He nodded like you were the crazy one here. As if he wasn’t the one spending his spare time grinding up seeds and baking loaves of bread for ducks, donning a frilly pink apron and oven mitts as he did so. At least that’s how you imagined it. “Why not just feed them the seeds?”

“Because, loose seeds will sink in the water and can potentially clog waterbeds and cause foreign bacteria growth in the pond.”

“So you… hand-make the seeds into a little loaf of bread so it doesn't do that?”

He confirmed. You pondered silently for a moment, then absolutely had to ask, “You ever eaten the duck bread before?”

Spencer was caught off guard by that question. His cheeks deepened to a rosy color.

“Yeah, well, it was the house so…” he laughed nervously and stared at his sneakers. “It’s actually not too bad.”

You weren’t entirely surprised by that. You remembered what his grocery basket looked like, and given those same options, you probably would’ve tried the duck bread too. Still, you cracked the smallest of grins at knowing he makes bread for ducks. The one, sole redeeming fact you’ve learned about Spencer.

You reached your car first, and Spencer stopped in front of it with you.

“I’m actually sorry, you know,” he whispered once more, hand resting at the top of your car door as you opened it. He wasn’t talking about the incident at the bookstore.

“Yeah…” For a while you were so busy being angry at Spencer that you forgot about your own problems.

He noticed your nose was still red around the edges, eyes still a little bleary. “Are you okay, by the way?” His voice was too soft, too genuine.

You shook your head no.

“Is there anything I can do?” You shook your head again. And then you had an awful thought.

You knew he was just offering to help just to say it, because that’s how people react when you say you’re not okay even if they don’t care. But there actually was something he could do for you… Something that Penelope could do.

“Uh, no but…” you fixed your hair and tucked it behind your ear, seamlessly switching to a flirtier voice. “If you still feel bad about the other day, you’re welcome to make it up to me.”

Spencer cocked his head to the side, unsure of how he could do that.

“Hang out with me sometime.”

“H-hang out?” You could tell that it flustered him, even if he tried to play it off. He swallowed thickly, nose twitching and brows scrunched together.

“Relax, I really do just mean hang out.” You were lying through your teeth. He didn’t need to know that.

As if he didn’t want to think about it for a second longer and just get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, he agreed without thinking it through. He didn’t even ask why an almost complete stranger would want to hang out with him.

You stuck your hand out, expecting him to hand over his cell so you could put your contact into it. He rocked on the balls of his feet, watching as you input your contact and sent yourself a text on his phone.

“Hi, this is…” you read out your message as you typed, pausing at just the right place. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Oh-uh, I’m Spencer.”

A devilish grin took over your face, hidden from his view while you were looking down at the screen. He was going to be easy to fool.

agh! im still not in love with how this chapter is turning out, but it came to a point where i just had to stop fiddling with it and just post it. any feedback or comments about this story is very much appreciated 💕

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theunholygrails · 3 years

Text

Foolish Games Part 2

Masterlist

A/N: Introducing new characters and some drama! Percy is still sexy as ever :'(.

Warnings: BJ

I woke up to a door slamming so hard it joined the symphony of my pounding headache. I groaned, hoisting myself over the back of the couch to investigate to intrusion. A brunette head of long sweeping hair rushed through the foyer, barreling towards the kitchen. A familiar mop of black hair hurried after.

Reyna was speaking so fast in Spanish my brain scrambled to keep up. I noted lots of curse words followed by a series of sentences too fast I was surprised she even knew what she was saying. Percy was answering in slow measured words, probably fighting a hangover of equal measure. I ducked behind the back of the couch, reaching for my phone plugged in on the coffee table.

It was noon. 2% battery and a couple messages from friends. Nothing from my ex thank gods. Five from Annabeth being nosey. I opened my uber app, squinting in the sunlight breaking through the cream curtains. I managed to get my driver secured.

A door slammed and I winced, peaking to check that they were in another room. I did not immediately spot my dress in the chaotic. I grimaced remembering the midnight swim. When I sat up I finally noticed the white tshirt I wore and the basketball shorts. And then I went rigid remembering what happened after the swim.

“Motherfucker,” I whispered.

Now I really had to get out of this house. I checked the arrival time of my driver. Three minutes away. Great. I made my way on shaky knees to the large wooden front door. My keys were still in the collection dish. I grabbed them quietly and turned the door handle a fraction of an inch before another door slammed open and Reyna came barreling back into the foyer, brown eyes landing promptly on my guilty ass. Behind her, Percy pursed his lips into a thin line and raised both of his hands to lay on top of his head. His biceps strained nicely against the thin t shirt.

“The fuck is this?” Reyna whispered.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I babbled.

“It’s just Noa, Rey. Gods,” Percy said.

“I can see that, Percy!” She snapped. I was glad her spear was not strapped across her back this morning. “Why is she sneaking out of my house in your clothes?”

“People were swimming last night. Her clothes got wet.”

“I’m sure the fuck they did.”

“Zeus, Rey! You ended it with me. Why does it even matter?”

“Because I still fucking love you! I’m sorry, okay?” She burst out crying and Percy instantly pulled her against his chest. The memory of being in those arms drove me out the door like a nest of hornets.

~~~~

“I’m just saying. You have nothing to feel sorry for,” Annabeth paused to sip her iced coffee. “Unless they get back together and then you sleep with him. But as of right now, you’re good. Trust me. Been on the Percy train. We’re still friends. You’ll get over it. Just a harmless rebound for both of you.”

I groaned, laying my chin on the cool metal table parked outside our favorite coffee shop positioned between our New York apartments. Just two Manhattan women enjoying their Sunday afternoon. The air was cooling as fall neared. I pulled my baseball cap closer to the top of my sunglasses.

“Should I call him?”

“Maybe tomorrow. Let him deal with his relationship drama. Reyna is a lot to deal with. Still nothing from fuckface?”

“Nope and that’s fine.”

“Good for you. We will hydrate you, get you a good dinner, hit the gym before work in the morning and then get back on our bad bitch mental track. Agreed?”

~~~~

“Good Monday, yogis,” I chirped from my desk at the corner of my studio.

The third class was beginning to trickle in and I was settling into my rhythm. Hot yoga was next and hopefully I would sweat out all the negativity I’d allowed lately. I was in the middle of emailing back a potential client when someone rapped at the wood of my desk. I glanced up to a blonde male who waved gently.

“Heya, sansei Noa,” he said.

“That’s karate. Can I help you?”

“Do you do trial classes?”

I hit send on my email and closed my laptop. The guy was built like a poser with the defined muscles and chiseled jaw but his voice was soft and tempered. He was clean shaven and dressed like a basic gym bro.

“Normally you have to schedule them beforehand because of class size,” I gave my standard answer.

“Right, my bad. Sorry. I was just passing by the front and it looked like the kind of place I needed right now. Can I go ahead and pick a date then?”

I was staring too long into his pale blue eyes, honed in on the polite response. A nice change from the daily demanding consumers. “You know what? Ive got space right now if you like? Have you ever done hot yoga?”

A brilliant white smile showcasing sharp canines. “My favorite.”

“Perfect. I just need a name, number and email to get you a file started.”

He leaned large hands on my desk. “It’s Luke Castellan.”

Before he could give the contact information, I cut him off. “Wait. I know you.” His tanned skin paled significantly.

“I…”

“You’re supposed to be dead!” I blurted out.

His eyes skated around the room and he leaned in closer. “That’s not supposed to be public knowledge. I assume you’re a demigod?”

“Luke, you trained me. We took fucking sculpting together. The Apollo table was right next to the Hermes one for fuck’s sake.”

He winced. I heard a murmuring from the rest of my class I was disturbing with my volume. I collected my shock finally. “Take a seat if you want. We should talk after class. I need to start.”

“Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry Noa.”

I waved him off and walked over to my yoga mat. I sat cross legged and drew in an even breath to smooth out my emotions.

It was a slow 30 minute class. Each pose and movement dragged on. Finally, I dismissed the group and nodded Luke outside. He was waiting on the bench outside of the studio I split renting with a few other instructors. I sat next to him, wiping sweat from my face with the towel slung over my pink sports bra.

“Alright, talk,” I said.

“Not much to say. I was given a second chance at my hearing. Here I am. Starting over.” A shrug of well-defined shoulders. The muscles flexed beneath his gleaming sweat. His red tank top stuck to his chest and stomach. “I wish I remembered you, truly. That time is such a blur in my life.”

“It’s ok. You were a lot older than me and to be honest I had a massive crush on you so I probably hid most of the time.”

A surprised smile slipped across his lips. “I’m assuming the betrayal helped you get over that?”

I laughed outloud, slapping his knee. “No shit! So where are you staying these days?”

“Just around the corner actually. Got a job at the local gym.”

“Yeah I bet the fuck you did.” I squeezed his forearm between both of my hands. I wanted to roll my eyes at me falling back into my school girl giddy at him. Betrayal of the gods aside. He was even more gorgeous than ever. The scar down his face gave him a dark sexy vibe. Like a bad boy even though he claimed he was rehabbing himself now.

“So how, did you feel about the class?”

“I mean, I’d like to sign up for it a couple times a week, that’s for sure. And I’d like to take you out to dinner to make up for not remembering a beauty like you.”

I almost bit my cheek biting out the response of “Yes!”

“You’ve got my number,” he said, chuckling quietly. “I’ve got to get to work.” He shouldered his gym bag and excused himself.

The bike back to my apartment was spent reliving my tween fantasies about bad boy Luke. I opened my apartment door and screeched seeing a man sitting at my kitchen counter. Percy turned to face me.

“You know you live in New York? You should really lock that.”

“It was!” I snapped.

A quick grin. “Yeah. But it was easy to break into.”

I dropped my bag onto the floor and brushed past him to get a protein shake from the fridge. “I have to shower and get prepared for my night classes.” I told him.

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t either.”

He paused, studying my face in the shitty lighting of the single bulb hanging between us over the counter. “Are we good, Noa?”

“Of course. What’s a little head between friends?”

“Okay…I can’t read you. Can you not play tough just for a minute?”

I chugged the shake and set the bottle down between us. I leaned my arms on the chilled counter, bun knocking against the light. “Honestly, Percy. I’m fine. We are good.”

“Reyna moved back in.”

“You’re engaged again?”

I drank from the empty bottle to give myself something to do. He watched me with those green eyes. He’d known me for far too long. He was nearly impossible to deceive, but I was determined today. The fact that I had dreamt of fucking him two consecutive nights was irrelevant if he was off the table. Even if his lips did look incredibly juicy tonight. Even if they had done near illicit things to me just nights ago.

“I don’t know. She said she wanted to work on things. And it’s her dad’s house, so I can’t ask her to go and I don’t want to go to my mom’s and admit defeat.”

“You know you could stay here, Perc.”

He worked his jaw silently, then rubbed his hands over his face. “Thanks. I do know. Even if we aren’t officially back together, I think we should work on it…” he trailed off.

“And not tell her about you eating me out?” I leaned closer because I was mean to both him and myself. Because I knew this top combined with this angle gave him a simple opportunity. And he took it.

His tongue slid out between his lips as his eyes flicked down, stayed, then dragged deliberately back up. “Probably not,” he agreed.

For a long moment neither of us said anything. He had more to lose now than me. We were no longer on equal playing fields. So, I left the ball in his court. “I’m going to go shower.”

I was done washing in the first ten minutes. The second ten was giving him a little wiggle room to decide. I had my hand on the faucet to cut off the water that was beginning to go cold when I heard the door creak open. I watched through the fogged glass, catching a hold of my breath. I watched as he tugged his shirt off. My stomach flipped over itself when he reached for his jeans. What had I done?

The opening door let in a rush of cool air, perking my skin to attention. My eyes raked unapologetically over his naked, aroused body. His dark hair quickly slicked against his stubble covered jaw. His eyes were no longer the sea green but murky like the deep water of the ocean.

“Hey,” he said quietly, cautiously.

“Hey,” I giggled, reaching out to touch his rough jaw. He winced, catching my hand with his. “We probably shouldn’t kiss again.”

“Sure, whatever you want, Percy. What can I do to you?”

He groaned, turning his mouth into my palm, scraping teeth against the vulnerable skin. “Touch me,” he said.

My free hand instantly planted against his chest, scraping at the muscle. His eyes fluttered closed, head tilting back to expose his throat. I slid my other hand into his thick hair, tugging it tightly between my fingers and pulling to grant myself more access to the strong column of his neck. I bit it first, backing him into the tiled wall when he shuddered. I kissed over the reddening skin and moved my hands to his flat stomach, feeling the shuddered breaths beneath my touch.

“Like this?” I asked.

His reply was unintelligible. I kissed down his chest, moving my hand lower still as I went. When my fingers brushed over the v-line of his hips, I shifted my route away from the center and to his thighs. An annoyed grunt escaped his lips. “Hush,” I scolded, getting my knees under me. The now cold water was hitting the back of my neck and flowing down my body. I placed my hands on the inside of both his thighs, trailing them upwards and upwards until he nearly contorted when I gripped him. He let out a scandalous string of curses that quickly turned to moaning silence when I took him into my mouth.

He unraveled in minutes and I let him cum all over the breasts I had teased him with earlier. I rose in front of him, my own rosy cheeks mirroring his. “Now we’re even.”

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