#i started writing the bits with aurora and i just am DYING about how much i love it

[chartreuseian]

Finally decided that from the WIP game, I'd also like to hear about 'A lesson in family', please. :)

AHHHH!!!! Thank youuuuuuuuuuu 😁

OK. *deep breath* I'm gonna try so hard to be normal about this one, but no promises... Honestly I could talk about it for hours, I'm so obsessed with it!

Right. So. This story is set closer to modern day, but still very much The Four being a Thing, and the first half focuses on Henry and how he came to be a part of their lives. The intention is to have a chapter dedicated to his relationship with each of them (after the first chapter which gives explains why Helen is raising him). Currently I've only got the Henry/Nikola chapter written, but there are plans for the others.

The second half of the story is about the next phase of their family when Helen becomes rather unexpectedly pregnant. It's a shock because she'd assumed, after all this time, that her body must not be capable of it (I have a big ol' source blood reason about why, when the four of them are properly together none of them really age - hence no babies - but now that Helen is in Old City, James and John are in London and Nikola is being his usual flighty self (but mostly in Old City) her body is back to its extremely slow aging and thus, extremely slow ovulation). Much like the Henry section, there will be a chapter dedicated to each of them and their relationship with Aurora (the child) including an Aurora/Henry bit because even though he's an adult by the time she's born, I feel like he'd be such a good big brother to this absolute hellion of a child.

Below is a Henry/Nikola snippet - Henry's about 14 here and going through some things. He's refused to talk to the rest of them, but asked for Nikola specifically which no one (least of all Nikola) can really understand just yet.

--

“Are they gone?” Henry asked as Nikola settled himself on the edge of the boy’s bed. The room was, well… to Nikola it screamed 14 year old boy. Though normally Henry was at least a touch more fastidious. Nikola had had at least some hand in raising him after all.

“Oh no,” he replied easily, shaking his head. “Decidedly not, I’m afraid. Helen even has her ear to the keyhole.”

There was a scuffling sound then a muffled thump and Nikola hid a smirk. They both waited a moment and then Henry raised an eyebrow in askance and, after the wave of nostalgia of all the times Helen had made that exact same gesture passed, Nikola nodded.

“We're clear,” he acknowledged, listening to the retreating footsteps. Two sets at least, and one was definitely Helen. He wondered absently which of the boys had been left to stand guard.

Henry seemed relieved but said nothing, staring at the rug beneath their feet as he sat beside Nikola on the bed. Nikola, showing what he considered to be a rather impressive display of patience given he’d been hauled out of his favourite lab in Colorado with barely a phone call as heads up. When he’d arrived there had been very little in the way of explanation, though Helen had brushed a kiss to his lips as she’d clutched him close. His initial thought that this was some elaborate booty call (in poor taste, which should have been the giveaway) evaporated though when she all but shoved him towards the very locked door of her son.

It had opened only a crack when he’d announced himself and, with a final questioning look over his shoulder to the other three, he’d slipped inside.

“Do you love Helen?” Henry burst out, not looking up but clearly unable to bear the silence any more.

“Yes.”

“And James?”

“Yes.”

“And John?”

He pulled a face.

“In a manner of speaking. Why? If you're after dating advice, I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask. This thing with Helen only happened because she...” He waved his hand, unable to find a polite way to explain to the boy that his mother figure had gotten horny as hell and bullied them all into falling in love with her.

Henry sighed then, looking guiltily towards the mess around them and Nikola made a mental note to never let the kid play poker.

“I did this,” he said sullenly. He gestured to the mess then looked imploringly up at Nikola.

He took a breath, searching for the right response.

“You trashed your room?”

Henry nodded, more miserable than ever before.

Delicately Nikola surveyed the damage.

“Can I ask why?” He kept his voice as gentle as he could manage but Henry still flinched.

“I kissed a girl,” he muttered, face flushed with terror.

Nikola paused, questioning if maybe this was some sort of generational thing he'd yet to cotton on to.

“Was the kiss that bad?”

Henry coughed and spluttered, eyes going wide.

“NO!” he cried. “No, it was... the kiss was fine...”

Nikola frowned.

“Was it someone you shouldn't have kissed?”

“No!”

“Did you not want to kiss them?”

“No.”

“Did they not want to kiss you?”

“No! Nikola...” Henry shook his head. “It's... it's not the kiss.”

“But you said-”

“I know! It... wasn't the kiss. Not like that.”

Nikola resisted the urge to point out the circular nature of the conversation only because of the hang dog look on his face. Instead he waited for the kid to look at him once again

“I... I changed,” he breathed. “I kissed her and then I came home and... and I changed.”

He felt it unlikely he'd been called all this way to discuss unwanted erections with the boy.

“Changed how?”

Henry reached out with one leg and kicked at the edge of his rug until it flipped up, revealing a series of long scratches scored into the timber.

“Changed,” he said again. “Like when you change.”

Nikola looked back to him then entirely speechless.

“You think you've become a vampire?”

He shook his head.

“No. I don't think so, anyway. I didn't... I didn't see myself, but it was... it wasn't like when you do it.”

He made a face.

“It felt like I was... bigger somehow. I dunno... my clothing got all ripped up.”

“And it happened after you kissed this girl?”

He nodded and shifted uncomfortably.

“Do you... do you think that... maybe when I kissed her...”

“You caught something?”

His ears were pink when he nodded. Nikola cocked his head, considering for a moment.

“Like sooped up cooties.”

“Like sooped up cooties,” Henry agreed before looking away again.

#thank you :) #fanfic #writing #sanctuary #im so not normal about this one #like i love it so much #i started writing the bits with aurora and i just am DYING about how much i love it #i have so much aurora stuff written now too #even though i was adament i was not gonna do the cliche baby thing

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ KEEPING MY PROMISE ❜

Words: about 2.3k

Warnings: this is pure smut, that's all.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place or something that makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted ❤ — this work also includes pet-names and some sentences in spanish.

❚❙ aurora says: I'm not sorry for this, but very proud. This is a continuation of this random scene. Happy xmas.

❚❙ GIF credits: to the author.

❚❙ MICHAEL ‘RIZ’ ARIZA MASTERLIST.

❚❙ MASTERLIST.

❚❙ JOIN MY TAG LIST.

After his speech, you two meet in the bathroom carried by the desire you have for each other. Riz is already inside of it, watching you smirking at him as you close the door and rest your back on it, while your right hand locks it. Unbuttoning his waistcoat, taking some steps closer towards you, you can't help but rub your thighs under the dress licking your bottom lip. Using your fingers to move the red straps on your shoulders, the long piece of clothing slides itself down through your arms and legs until falling to the floor. The only thing left is a black lace tongue adorning your body.

Riz takes a moment to contemplate and admire you, thinking about how lucky he is for being your one and only. The contrast of his cold fingertips getting nailed on your warm skin, touring it slowly from your waist to your lower back, gives you some nice shivers. He can't stop looking at your eyes, placing your hands on the back of his neck in the meantime that you open your legs for him unconsciously. By inertia.

“Tell me again what you want, mi amor”. His raspy and deep voice, quite the opposite of how it is normally, makes you gasp with parted lips.

His closeness is suffocating you. Hating how much he loves to tease you when you are so damn needy of him.

“I wan—”.

You can finish. Riz slams his lips against yours, showing you that he feels exactly like you. His huge hands go straight to your ass, squeezing it tightly settling himself between your legs. Now you're more aware of the bulge under the black pants. But the tables turn for your delight. His left hand flies to your throat, wrapping it too easily. And two fingers replace his tongue inside your mouth.

You don't doubt in wetting them with your saliva, under his incessant look on the way your lips get tightly closed around his skin, swallowing his rings perfectly.

“Tienes que estar calladita, ¿sí, mi amor?” (You have to be quiet).

Nodding in silence, knowing that you will have to do a huge effort, your husband slides his fingers down by your chest; between your breasts, continuing with your abdomen, until reaching your core. A brief caress over the thin black fabric. Usually, he teases you a little bit, giving some attention to your throbbing clit before fingering you. But this time, you don't see it coming.

His digits are pushed to your limits, having to cover your mouth with a hand to shut the loud moans borning in your throat. Hardly closing your eyes, you feel him curling his fingers, going up and down among your legs with an insanely fast pace. Needing some point of support, you toss your arms around his neck, resting your forehead on the center of his collarbone when your legs start to tremble.

“Fuck, Rizzy…” You sob against his chest inevitably.

He doesn't say a word, using his free hand to smack and squeeze your ass. The risk of being caught it's going to make you not last long, and he knows it, and for him, it's not enough to just touch you. He wants every part of your anatomy.

Pulling out his fingers, admiring the breathless mess you are, he takes them to your mouth with the clear intention of making you clean up himself. And you do it, tasting delighted your juices covering his warm skin. But when you're done, you can't help but put your hands on both sides of his chest to make the buttons of his shirt jump off, by a strong pull. You knew this shit was going to happen. You brought another white shirt for him.

His gasp turns into a low moan when Riz feels your lips over the cross tattooed on his chest. You warned him. You needed it. The big black cross gets covered by your saliva before you lean to catch his lips among yours. His hands paw your body almost dragging his palms all over you, so desperate to fuck you that he could cum just with some of your caresses.

And you know it. You know him better than anyone.

The sound of his belt being undone is celestial music for you, like the one his zip does going done through the metallic rails. You can't wait. Kneeling in front of him, you pull down his pants and his boxers to his thighs, watching his hard cock springing free to his abdomen. Wrapping his length with your fingers, you spit on his head. His eyes glued on yours at all moments. Riz can see how you make disappear his cock between your lips, tangling a hand in your head to push his sensitive skin to your throat. Gulping a growl, he holds it into your cavity waiting for the holy gag. Making your uvula vibrate, gives him a pleasing sensation that steals the air from his lungs. Back and forth, his pelvis touches your nose, alleviating the pain he was feeling for having locked his erection under the boxers since you sent him that text.

“Shit, mi amor, me vuelves loco”. Sighing totally bewitched by you, he thrust himself one last time as much deep as he can. “Come're, baby”.

Helping you to stand up on your high-heels, he uses his tongue to lick the threads of saliva and his pre-cum hanging from the corners of your lips. So fucking delicious.

“I'm gonna keep my promise, like the good husband I am”. Sliding down the tong by your legs, he turns you around to bend you over the marble counter.

“Oh, fuck, Michael”. You sob so needily, watching him through the mirror lining his waist behind you.

He looks so damn good with the sleeves rolled up, and the waistcoat and the shirt opened showing you his perfect torso. Pulling back the long black locks of hair to his nap, your husband focuses his eyes on your shinny pussy exposed only for him, between your spread legs.

“Wanna say something before you have to be quiet?” The grin on his face provokes you some tickles on your lower belly, rubbing his wet tip against your folds.

“God bless your dick, Riz”.

Digging all his length inside your cunt, crashing his abdomen with your buttocks, he quickly places a hand over your mouth. His body is pressing yours against the counter, without making any move; feeling to the perfection how your soaked pussy clenches him.

But as soon as you are used to him again, his hips start to rock back and forth with the only intention of pleasing you. Wrapping his forearm with your fingers, you can't stop looking at the delighted gesture on his face, showing up in his reflection. Even if he knows that you will not be silent, he needs to pound you harder.

Nailing his ringed hands on your waist, his thrusts become deeper, rough, and loud. His anatomy collides with yours, as yours are pressed against the counter, having to bite one of your fists because of the pleasure and the desire of screaming his name until dying.

“Oh, shit, que rico”. Whining, you roll your eyes to the back of your head, lost in the pleasure.

“You like it, ah?”

“Yes… Yes, Riz… Fuck, do—don't stop, I beg you”.

You're trying to be more silent than you actually can, with the obscene sound that his body creates colliding with yours echoing all around the bathroom. It feels so good. A mix of sensations jumping within your low belly, driving you crazy. Thinking that he can't go a step back until your husband urges you to place a leg bent over the counter, and his right hand goes straight to your throat; arching you to stick your back to his chest, as his free arm surrounds your abdomen.

His darkened eyes because of the lust are fixed on your reflection, on every gesture you draw on your face because of his strong thrusts. Riz tries to bury his dick deeper into you, teasing you to contain your unconscious moans filling up your lungs. Your thighs quivering let him know how close you are, not being able to take it for too long.

“Fuck, mi amor… You're so… fucking beautiful”. He hums ecstatic into your ear, pushing you against the counter once and again. “Cum with me… C'mon, baby… I wanna feel it… I wanna feel you cum all over my dick”.

About to cry because of the uncontrollable pleasure, you lick your bottom lip strongly, as he tilts your head to catch them with his. The filthy kiss with his tongue fighting against yours in your mouth throws you through the edge of the orgasm. You can't hold it anymore. You can't wait for a single second. The bomb inside your lower belly explodes. Riz swallows the howl that is born in your throat, feeling his grip over it tightening.

And even so, he doesn't stop. His pounds become rough and sloppy, wanting to give you all of him. Your husband bites your neck to shut his grunts, close to his own ecstasy.

“Shit, baby”. You cry out, grabbing his hands with yours, tossing your head back to his shoulder. “Fuck… Fuck, Rizzy… I need you to cu—cum inside me… I fucking beg you… Please”.

Tears shimmer in your eyes, while he continues hitting your pleased body. Another push and his moan against your skin make your anatomy vibrate, feeling the familiar sensation of heat flooding you. Pressing his pelvis against your center, you can feel perfectly his dick twitching inside you, emptying himself completely.

Almost fainting without pulling his throbbing hardness out of your soaked pussy, you bent over the counter putting down your legs; with your husband resting on your back until recovering your breathing.

“You're so fucking perfect…” Riz can't even talk without sounding more tired and sleepy than ever.

Now, you're regretting it because of how much you would like to be lying on your bed after an intense session of sex.

“Tell me you have br—”.

“Got in the car”. You whisper chuckling, not needing to finish the sentence to know what he wants to say. The mexican laughs, placing a soft kiss on the back of your head. “I'm gonna text Leti to bring it”.

“Okay…”

Slowly, so slowly, he pulls out himself from your core, taking a second to admire his favorite views; your mixed essences spilling down by your center. For most people a dirty gesture, for him a demonstration of your trust and your love. Helping you to clean up all the mess you have done in some minutes and refresh your skin with some water, he grabs your purse from the floor to ask Leti to bring Riz's shirt. In the meantime, he puts part of his suit on and helps you to wear back your dress.

Waiting for her, you two sit on the toilet to rest a little before coming back to the party. Brushing his black locks of hair, you place gentle kisses on top of his head, watching him relax under your caresses. Fulfilling your fantasies isn't an easy task. He always has an innate desire for you, just like you; but sometimes, you lose your head. You need him right at the moment. And you don't care where you are or who is around you. The only thing you want is your husband balls-deep in your pussy. Riz loves to please you, being aware that he's the only one to make you feel like that; feeling immense pride every time he makes you cum screaming his name.

Two knocks on the door claim your attention, getting up from his lap to attend it. Slightly opening, Leti's hand appears holding the fresh white shirt.

“I don't wanna know what happened”. She murmurs between some laughs.

“I'm sure you can get an idea, mini-Coco”. Riz's playful voice makes you chuckle, as you heard an ugh behind the door before being closed.

With a grin curving your mouth, you offer the piece of clothing to your man.

“You always think about the minimum details…” Shirtless, he grabs it. “Did you have it planned, ah?”

“Not exactly… But maybe I took it in the exact moment I saw you wearing that suit”.

“I'm gonna have to wear it often, don't you think, mi vida?” Nodding watching him wear his new shirt, you take some steps ahead to help him with the buttons. “I love you more than anything, you know it, right?”

“I do”.

“Love me or know it?”

“Both”. Pressing your lips on a happy smile, you lean towards Riz to kiss him. “Ready to come back…?”

“Not exactly, but I will make an effort”.

Hanging your purse from your right shoulder, you take a last look in the mirror to check that you're on point and nobody will suspect. But when you're about to abandon the bathroom, your husband grabs your elbow, closing the door with his free hand before pushing you against the white wood.

“I said I was going to fuck you in your car”. The dark and raspy voice being whispered into your ear makes you tremble, closing your eyelids as you feel the heat wrapping your whole anatomy. “When this party finishes… I'm gonna take you to a hidden place… Rip off that fucking dress from your beautiful body… And fuck you harder than ever…”

His hands paws you strongly, landing onto your ass to squeeze it by digging his ringed fingers in your skin, covered by the piece of clothing.

“You will lose your voice… after begging me, after screaming and crying my name… God, I swear I'm gonna break my sweet little pussy into pieces”.

You can't help but let a soft gasp escape your parted lips, feeling his body pressing you against the door.

“You're not the only one who has brought a change of clothes, cariño”.

Pulling himself away to find you barely breathing, he leans to kiss your lips with a petty smile on his face.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #mayans mc #i love you rizzy ❤ #michael riz ariza x reader #riz ariza x reader #riz ariza #michael riz ariza

[northstarfan]

Alpha Flight #42 - (Bill Mantlo and David Ross, January 1987)

So we get two terrible bits of writing this time around, one in full bloom and one just seeded.

Let’s start with the immediate bullshit, Heather’s response to Northstar after he manages to shake off Kara’s conditioning again. 

So, as I’ve noted before, most of the early indications we have of Northstar’s sexuality are varying degrees of snark and homophobia from his teammates. And that’s a whole lot of not great. But this one is really beyond the pale. Northstar was kidnapped and sexually assaulted by the person they’re debating letting onto the team, and Heather completely dismisses it as a joke. Not only that, she does so even as she acknowledges that it would have been worse for Northstar because Kara was a woman - an indication that she knows that the assault would potentially be more traumatic for him as a gay man. And she just doesn’t care.

That’s not just “quit the team” territory, that’s “quit the team and put your leader’s head through the wall on the way out”. Scenes like this are one more reason why I maintain that anyone who gives Northstar shit about his attitude toward Alpha Flight has never actually read Alpha Flight.

Then there’s the more infamous element - the cough that marks the start of the aborted storyline that was supposed to culminate in Northstar dying of AIDS. For the sake of redundancy, I’m not going to cover every panel that had Northstar sniffle, cough, and stagger his way to Alpha Flight #50, but since this is the issue where it first rears its head, I am going to give a general overview.

So this goes all the way back to Bill Mantlo taking over the title. Mantlo, who was on The Incredible Hulk at the time, was enthusiastic about taking over the book when John Byrne offered to swap titles. As Mantlo told Amazing Heroes: “I was bowled over [when Byrne called], because this was John’s creation and I’ve had nothing but admiration for the way he’s been handling it. So I said ‘My God, yes!’ And that’s how we decided to switch.” (Amazing Heroes #76, 1985). This enthusiasm also seemed to include a plan to out Northstar. As John Byrne put it in that same interview: “[Bill] is going to try and say the unsayable about Northstar in no uncertain terms; I wish him luck.” 

Outside of that particular point, however, Mantlo seemed to have little interest in the Beaubier twins and had no real direction for them outside of Aurora’s fluctuating powers. From AH #76: 

“So far the least interesting to me are Aurora and Northstar. John played them up the most, and really went heavily into their origins, but he made so many changes to them that it’s almost impossible for me to say what the norm is any more. I’m just giving them a chance to relax and recuperate while I concentrate on the others.” 

Ultimately, Mantlo’s plans to out Northstar were blocked by editorial, and he found writing Jean-Paul under the same limitations Byrne had dealt with to be quite frustrating:

“I always felt Northstar had possibilities if his background could be developed as a logical extension of his character. But I was prevented from doing that because of creative restrictions. Therefore, I had to look at the character as a viable superhero with the reality of his gayness kept largely in the dark. And as a character, his flying and running fast just didn’t make him and integral part of the team without his uniqueness - being gay.” (The Advocate #479, 1987)

 This lead to Mantlo’s decision to reveal Northstar as HIV+ and kill him off. From the same interview: 

“Northstar… could have been made to just vanish or even quit the team, but Mantlo wanted to be true to the character’s integrity. He decided, instead, that Northstar would die of AIDS. It seemed, [Mantlo] says, plausible given the fact that there had been allusions to numerous relationships during his years in the book. ‘It would give me the opportunity to deal with a frightening, sad, controversial topic in a comic book - which I had always understood Marvel was all about,’ he adds.”

Alpha Flight’s editor, Carl Potts, was not on board with this. From the same interview with The Advocate: “We had never openly declared that Northstar was gay. Now we had the only fairly popular Marvel character generally acknowledged as being gay and he was dying of AIDS. You shouldn’t equate one with the other.”

The two came to a compromise on the storyline, wherein Alpha Flight’s foe, Pestilence, would sicken Northstar by quickening the “corruption” in his body, with the disease remaining unnamed and the intent being that Northstar would never realize he had contracted HIV, even as his illness progressed.

Said Mantlo: “It was really AIDS in another guise, and there were still complaints about it being too similar.”

The storyline was ultimately resolved by Mantlo having Loki tell the Beaubier twins that their respective ailments (Jean-Paul’s wasting disease and Jeanne-Marie’s increasing mental instability) were the result of them being half-elves unsuited to life in the mortal realm. Jeanne-Marie used her powers to heal her brother, Jean-Paul got sent off to Asgard to live with the elves, and both were written out of the series for about two years worth of issues. (The twins were eventually brought back by other writers via the expedient explanation of Loki being a lying liar who lies.)

Mantlo was displeased with the compromised ending:

“It’s really a fallback position, since we were precluded from doing anything else… Quite honestly, I think it’s hypocritical and pointless, but that’s comics. You can’t do anything controversial, even if it has integrity, even if it’s honest, even if it’s an attempt to deal with a serious issue affecting thousands of people and likely to affect millions more.” (The Advocate #479, 1987)

Though there were apparently plans to revisit the twins at some point, Mantlo left Alpha Flight before this came about.

So, there’s a bit to unpack here, the biggest point being Mantlo’s reasoning behind trying to kill Northstar off. This was a writer who was plainly frustrated by the limitations being imposed on him, but, at the same time, he also sounds very much like he’d limited himself by reducing Northstar’s character to the sum of his sexuality. Aside from a brief aside in Marvel Fanfare #28, it seemed Northstar’s jam-packed past of childhood trauma, circus life, professional disgrace, and political terrorism held no interest for Mantlo as something that could be used to open the character to wider exploration, nor did even his own ideas for Northstar and Aurora’s otherworldly origins. No, if Northstar couldn’t be outed, he had to die. And if he couldn’t die, he still had to leave the book.

I’ve said before that I admire Mantlo’s integrity in not dropping the subtext related to Northstar’s sexuality, and I hold to that. As a writer, he could have saved himself a massive headache by simply making Northstar straight or immediately dropping him from the roster. So I do believe that Mantlo was in some part sincere in his desire to do something authentic and emotional with his planned storyline for Northstar; he’d stated that Jean-Paul’s sexuality was a unique quality in the comics landscape and seemed to want to make that an open part of the book by whatever means he could. There’s even a case to be made that, for better or for worse, linking Northstar to AIDS and the scrutiny that storyline brought made it that much more difficult to downplay the queer subtext surrounding the character, in turn making it easier for a later writer to make a case for making his homosexuality canon.

However, I have a real hard time scraping up much patience for a straight writer who decided that portraying a semi-closeted character was just too hard, when that very life experience would have been authentic to any number of queer readers, particularly in the middle of the AIDS crisis. I’ve even less patience with the apparent conclusion that the way to remedy that frustration was to kill Northstar instead of finding more subtle ways to advance the character, as Byrne had managed, or even just having him leave the team. The notion that it would have been out of character for Northstar to leave Alpha Flight is absolutely absurd; this is a character who only ever stayed with the team for the sake of his sister. All that would have been required for Jean-Paul to plausibly leave would have been for the writer to stop torturing Jeanne-Marie for an issue or two, or to have her take a bad enough turn that he took her off the team for her own safety and that of others.

Finally, I can’t say I have much faith that Mantlo would have been able to execute his plotline at all well, particularly given how little sympathy he seems to have had for Northstar as a character or how little interest he had in him beyond the controversy of his sexuality. Whatever Mantlo’s intent, it’s hard to believe that we’d have gotten any deathbed emotion that rang true to Northstar as a character or was particularly honest as commentary on society’s treatment of AIDS victims from the same writer who had Northstar’s teammates blow off sexual assault as delivery for a truly nasty homophobic joke and who thought a gay character possibly having had two romantic relationships in his life (I’m assuming this was in reference to Raymonde and Maurice) made him so promiscuous that it was plausible he’d have AIDS. And on top of that, regardless of other motivation, the decision to get rid of Northstar seems to have come as much from Mantlo’s frustration with his editors as any desire for meaningful character development. 

In conclusion, for whatever good I might be able to say about Mantlo, I’m not the least bit sorry that his plans were derailed. He seems to have been, at best, a writer with better intentions than capability when it came to the sensitive subject matter he’d decided to tackle, and it seems for the best that other writers were able to give Northstar the development he couldn’t.

Next Time: The Man You Were

Previous installments of the series can be found here and at AO3.

#northstar #jean paul beaubier #alpha flight #x factor #homophobia #northstar's gayest hits

[gryffindordaughterofathena]

GRATITUDE POST

Thank you for the tag @headoverheelsforramsey and @imaneditorthankyouverymuch this was a nice trip down the memory lane.

When and how Did I discover/read Open Heart for the first time?

Bonus questions: why did I decide to read Open Heart? How long did it take to read everything?

Ans: Okay so this is a bit of a story, back in early 2020 my parents had cut my book consumption because I would read two books at the same time and I went through them terribly fast and neglected my studies. So as a retaliation, I downloaded Choices on my tab and started playing the freshman series (spoiler: I hated it) So I decided to play Desire and Decorum and used Oph for diamond mining. By the time I reached chapter 10, I was in love with not just Ethan but all other characters, but my parents found out about the game and I had to delete it.

Then 4 months later at around July, I got my first phone and downloaded Choices and immediately started Open Heart and went on to the few chapters of book 2 that were already released.

Which book is my favorite and why is it my favorite?

Ans: Book 1 hands down, the plot, the story telling, the cases, the mutual pining and the amazing friend group, what's not to love?

Which chapter is my favorite and why is it my favorite?

Ans: I don't think it's possible to choose just one

Book 1 chapter 10, chapter 15 and 17

Book 2 chapter 11 ( I'll never get over the angst)

Which scene is my favorite and why is it my favorite?

Ans: Watching over little Ethan, I believe that it's the first time Ethan starts seeing MC as something more than just another Intern and also can I dare say that it's a turning point of MC's career as a doctor.

The MIAMI KISS!!!!!!

Book 2 chapter 1 scene in the beer garden where Ethan is like "we have to be professional, consider us reset" It's just so beautiful and painful🥺🥺

ENTIRE CHAPTER 11 PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE but specially:

Bryce and MC putting their hands on the opposite sides of the glass

Ethan and MC in isolation room... THAT KISS

the single tear and MC not knowing whose it is (PLEASE DON'T PLEASE I AM DYING)

the chapter 17 kiss

The lantern lighting in book 3

Andrew the psychic telling Ethan gets 10 times happier when MC enters the room.

HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!

What is my favorite dialogue and why is it my favorite?

Ans: "I can't save every one except the people I give a damn about, not Dolores, not Naveen and not you"

"...... How much I..... I care about you"

"Have you joined a cult?"

Only reason is that I am a simp for this fictional man and I am a hopeless romantic.

Which non-LI character if my favorite and why are they my favorite non-LI character?

Ans: One of my most favorite things about OH is how every character is so likable. It's difficult to choose just one.

Sienna: our dolphin, one of the few people who stood by MC through and through and she's just so sweet.

Kyra: Look, I love her and her indomitable spirit, her portrayal as the girl with cancer and as someone who wants to fight against that very label is just so real and beautiful.... I love her.

Baz, Zaid and Ines: I am putting three of them together because of PB's portrayal of co-workers, they are real, wonderful and beautifully amazing.

Naveen: The best grand-mentor ever and I think the love for him is also because of his Indian background and my connection to it.

Aurora: I saved the best for the last, to be honest I didn't like her much in book 1, but I was always kind to her. Her struggle under Harper's shadow is something I have faced personally and also her journey with MC reminds me of my journey with my best friend, the growth from rivals (in a healthy competition) to friends is deeply personal to me and every time I read about Arora, I remind myself to give her a call so somehow this fictional girl kept me from drifting apart from my best friend in these hard times.

Who are my other favourites?

Ans: Ethan obviously and also Bryce because of his positivity and how he always supports MC and Jackie because it's seldom that we see powerful female character representation in media and she's amazing.

A memory associated with Open Heart that makes/made me smile:

Ans: There are so many of them to be honest. The first time I got a reblogged comment on my first ever fic, I was so happy and I called my best friend and screamed for an hour straight.

Me staying up till late night fangirling with Sara @genevievemd and screaming together about every little scene.

What is the best thing the series has given/giving you?

Ans: It returned me to writing when I had let my insecurities and depression stop me from doing it, I don't think I will ever stop being grateful to Open Heart for this very reason.

Secondly, this fandom, these people who make me laugh, cry and yell at my phone at ungodly times of the night, this little family of crazy people supporting and pushing each other to be the best version of themselves and helping us to learn to love ourselves and what we do, I don't think any amount of words would be enough to express the gratitude.

Tagging : @maurine07 @genevievemd @mm2305 and anyone who'd love to do this.

#open heart #choices #kinda personal #long post

[eleanorbloom]

When You’re Ready Ch. 15

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: Mentions of emotional abuse, specially gaslighting. Angst and some cussing words.

A/N: Hello! It’s time to know more about Eleanor’s story!

I wanted to post a new chapter on Wednesday but I’ve been sick all wee so I wasn’t able to write as much as I wanted. I’m sorry if this chapter is a mess, I’ve been sleeping all day and only eating water biscuits (I’m hangyyyy), but at least the most important parts in this chapter are comprehensible and you can decide now if you want to kill me or not hehehe.

A/N2: If I had written this series only from Ethan’s POV there’s no doubt I would’ve called Exile, because the songs literally talks about him and how badly he deals with the fact that Eleanor moved on and she’s with someone else (Maria, I’m talking to you, your guess was absolutely right!).  However, in this chapter I used Taylor’s POV, but what Ethan feels can be definitely described with Justin Vernon’s  parts. Okay, I’ve been gushing about this song for weeks, but I can’t help it,  it’s so fucking angsty and I love it too much!

Okay, okay. Enjoy today’s chapter!

  Taglist @utterlyinevitable @binny1985 @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268  @cinnamonspongecake @romewritingshop @bratzlahela @hermosaofraleighcarrera   @mercury84choices​

_______

Chapter 15: Exile

I think I’ve seen this film before

And I didn’t like the ending

You’re not my homeland anymore

So I’m leaving out the side door.

 I love you.

Those were the three words she always wanted to hear from him, but ironically, she heard them from Bryce first, the person she wasn’t in love with. And now that she finally heard them, it wasn’t like she imagined it at all.

None of the several situations she fantasized about in her mind could anticipate these mixed feelings.

It was relieving, but, somehow, it also felt strange, distant. 

Eleanor thought maybe she was afraid of being hurt again, that even if Ethan was offering her everything, and saying all the things she always wanted to hear, there was still a chance that in the end, he might hurt her, just like the many times he did before.

When she felt his skin, his hand over her lips, it brought her memories of their first kiss in Miami, the beginning of everything. The moment she started embracing the possibility of being with him, despite how forbidden it was because he was an attending and she was an intern. Before that moment, she would’ve never guessed Ethan wanted the same.

Then she was transported to the first night together when he finally managed to open up about his feelings for her. The night she thought it was the beginning for them. But it wasn’t.

His skin made her react as a reflex, like she was reliving those nights, making her want for more. He had just become the sweet person she had been waiting for. He was apologizing, assuming his mistake, and telling her that she loved her. Again. Like there was nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. Like this time things would work. This time everything would be different.

But there was something wrong about that thought, but she wasn’t sure why.

So she kissed him, obeying her desires. She needed to remember how he felt. She had been holding back for so long that she felt like his words freed her, but the moment he placed his hands on her, everything faded. She froze up.

She woke up and realized where she was. Who she was. She wasn’t in one of her dreams, one of those moments she wanted so much to happen, where Ethan would confess, and they would kiss and be happy. And she wasn’t the woman who was dying to be with him

Things had changed. She had changed.

She wasn’t that woman anymore. The woman who dreamed that dream. Everything that she thought she wanted for so long, seemed to belong to someone else.

So she left as fast as he could. Something inside her was telling her that she had to run away, that she couldn’t keep with this. That it was wrong.

And now, walking outside her apartment, she was trying to understand why.

Why she was feeling so broken and guilty. And why that guilt was so familiar. Like she knew where it was coming from, but she was afraid of facing it.

A few minutes later, she slammed the door shut of her apartment, and ran straight to her bedroom, her breath ragging while tears streamed down her face. The guilt was growing and making her desperate.

“Eleanor is that you?”—She heard on the other side of the door.—“Can I come in?”

The sob didn’t let her speak until a few seconds later.

“Y… yes”

Aurora, wearing a gray and pink pajama, appeared behind the door, her brows furrowed in concern.

“Jesus, what happened?”—She asked, sprinting towards her when she noticed how agitated Eleanor was. She was red and her face shiny with tears.

“I…Fuck…”

It took her just a few moments to realize what was wrong.

“Eleanor, you’re having a panic attack, let me help you with your jacket.”

Aurora leaned toward her neck, zipped the jacket down, and then tugged it out.

“Do you want some water?”

Eleanor nodded.

After a few seconds, Aurora came back to her room and handed her a glass of water.

“There.”

Eleanor received the glass with both hands, trembling, and took a few sips. After a couple minute she felt how her heart started to beat at a more normal rate, the sobs had decreased, and she was able to think and talk with more clarity.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you, Aurora.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Eleanor hesitated. She didn’t know if Aurora suspected or knew anything about Ramsey and her, and if at this point would make sense to tell her. But she needed to talk to someone, she needed to get all out of her chest and understand why she was reacting like that, and she wouldn’t make Sienna come back from Donahue’s just to hear her misery.

“I… I don’t know if you know this but… Something happened between Ramsey and me in our first year.”

Aurora nodded silently, then added:

“I wasn’t sure, honestly. I had my suspicions because you were devastated after he went with the WHO to the Amazon, but I’m not a fan of snooping in other people’s lives, so I never asked.”

She gave her a humorless chuckle, wondering if the entire hospital noticed the shitty state she was in when he left. She knew she was pathetic in those weeks, but she had managed to forget it, all thanks to Bryce.

“Yes, well, we ended what we had the night before he left. And tonight, he told me he wants me back.”

“Aren’t you with Bryce?”

“Yes, I am, but the thing is…”

Eleanor explained the basics so Aurora could understand her dilemma. The agreement with Bryce, that it all started a little bit casual but after a few weeks things got pretty serious, because she started feeling things for Bryce, but she still loved Ethan, and Bryce knew all that.

“Are you saying… Bryce is with you even knowing you still love Ethan… and he will let you go if you choose to be with him?”

Aurora was shocked.

“Yes, pretty much.”

“This dude is insane, and a saint.”

“I know.”

“And why this has you this bad, this is not what you wanted? With, Ramsey, I mean.”

“That’s what I wanted at first. But then things with Bryce worked out better than I thought, so I truly wanted to be over Ethan, cause I got too hurt. But then I heard him saying all those things and I felt like he’s really going to change and do things right this time, and for a moment I considered that maybe things would work, but then I started feeling so bad, like guilty, like… like… Oh.”

Like someone used to make her feel years ago.

“What is it?”

“How stupid I’ve been.”

Even after all these years and that she swore to herself that she wouldn’t repeat the same pattern, she had done exactly that, and that night she had been about to do exactly that again, but luckily, she caught herself on time.

Eleanor took a breath. She hadn’t thought about it in years, let alone speak about it, and she didn’t know if she was ready to do it, considering how bad it made her react, but having Aurora by her side would make things a lot easier. It was something she needed to do to end the cycle.

“I had a boyfriend in Med School, Dylan.”—She started, trying to control her shaky voice— “He was a year older than me. At first, it was all good, he was cute, caring, and we shared a lot of goals, but then… he changed a lot. When he realized I was top of my class, he felt jealous, and he started diminishing me, telling me that I wasn’t spending enough time with him, that I wasn’t too committed to our relationship. What he was doing, was making me feel guilty for my success, just because he wasn’t as successful as I was.”

Aurora stared at her quietly, paying complete attention to what she was saying and prepared for any reaction that could trigger what she was about to say. She could sense it was a sensitive topic for Eleanor.

“After a while, I realized what was the problem. It wasn’t me, it was him. He was insecure and felt threatened by me, but he picked it on me. So instead of dumping him, I wanted to heal him, to show him that he couldn’t feel that way, that he was enough and all that. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t interested in healing and I got tired.”

She breathed heavily and then closed her eyes, large tears falling over her cheeks.

“We were more than a year like that, me asking for forgiveness for something he did, and then, when I was trying to heal him, it was him apologizing for tearing me apart and blame me for his failures. I stuck with him ‘cause I foolishly I believed I could heal him. I’ve always been like that, even with friendships, but with him, it reached toxic levels. He manipulated me so well that he made me believe I was the problem.”

She sobbed again, remembering the loneliness of those months, how he parted her from her friends and made her believe she was the problem, that she wasn’t trying enough for them. How at some point he made her believe she was selfish and she didn’t deserve anything, that she was lucky he still loved her.

“Until one day I opened my eyes with the help of some friends. They showed me all the horrible things he did to me, all the lies and manipulations. So I left him. I felt guilty for a long time, though. Thinking that I should’ve tried harder, but then when I saw all clearly, I let him go. And of course, after what I’d been through, it was really hard to trust in a man again. My next boyfriend was almost like a convenience, I was bored of casual hookups, so I started dating a guy just because I needed some stability, but I didn’t get involved much. But then I met Ethan and I couldn’t help but… Being involved with him. We had a strong connection. He understood me like no one just in a few weeks.”

And at that moment, remembering how it had been her story with Dylan, and how things developed with Ethan, it was evident for her that she had fallen in love with the idea of him. Because she didn’t know him at all. The only glimpses she got, were when he opened about Naveen, but she didn’t know him more than that. So she idealized the rest. She idealized him simply because he understood her, and she still believed at that moment that no one could love her. Dylan had branded her with fire.

“But then, when he acknowledged he had feelings for me, something stopped us from being together, and he pushed me away. I tried to make it work, but he thought our relationship was impossible. He didn’t want to jeopardize my career, and that was more important than what he or I want. And somehow I understood it, but I knew there was more than that. And effectively, it was. He healed from that and now he wants to make it work”

Eleanor shook her head, kind of amused.

“After all the hell I lived, he wants me back, and somehow I have to do like nothing happened. But I can’t. I won’t make the same mistake again. It would be like betraying myself, like coming back to my med school boyfriend.”

“I agree, this situation does seem a bit like what you lived with your ex-boyfriend.”

“Yeah, kinda. I’m not saying Ethan is like him, at least he didn’t do the emotional abuse this imbecile did to me, but he did hurt me, he hurt me before he left, when he left, he hurt me when he came back and acted like an asshole because I was with Bryce, and made me feel guilty for moving on. So, no, I can’t be with a person that made me feel so miserably, even if he didn’t do it consciously.”

After a few moments, Aurora slid an arm and pulled Eleanor towards her.

“I’m so sorry you had to live this, Ellie. I’m glad you could get out of that hell, and that you’re doing something for yourself now. Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening and helping me. I hadn’t thought about it in years. That’s why I reacted so badly.”

“It’s okay, I’m glad I was here to be for you.”

Eleanor pulled out and gave her a sad smile.

“And what about your feelings after this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still love Ramsey? Because of what I understood, that’s the only thing that has parted you from Bryce.”

That was a whole different topic. But by this time, Eleanor already knew the answer: She wasn’t.

“I still have feelings for him, maybe I’ll never stop loving him in some way, but no, I’m not in love with him anymore.”

In the last months since he was back, she had been in love with the idea of him, and the person who could’ve wanted to know the real Ethan Ramsey, all healed and in love, didn’t exist anymore.

That person started to die the moment Eleanor looked into the golden eyes of the sweet and caring Bryce Lahela and told him she wanted to try with him. When she chose herself for once in her life.

And that person had died tonight when she opened her eyes and realized that she didn’t belong to him anymore. Ethan wasn’t her place anymore, he hadn’t been in a long time, but the illusion of him made her believe he was. And that illusion vanished with a simple kiss.

“And what about Bryce? Do you think things are gonna change after this?”

“I hope so. All this time I’ve wanted so bad to end this crap with Ramsey… But I never considered that maybe I’m still scared of what happened to me before. Like… I’ll live the same shit again, even if he has proved me enough that he would never hurt me.”

“I guess those scars take years to heal and is more difficult when you’ve been hurt again and so recently.”

“Yeah, it took me a couple of years to not think about it, and before now I had it completely blocked in my brain.”

“You know, I’m clear that you’re the only one who can decide this, but I think you have nothing to worry about with Bryce. I’m not a person who would stake my neck for anybody, but I can tell that he’s the one for you.”

“You really think so?”

“The way he looks at you, how he cares about you, how he treats you? God, yes, I’m sure. I’ve never seen a man so in love like him. He’s like a puppy with you.”

Eleanor chuckled, agreeing with Aurora.

“And the way your eyes shine with you’re with him? How happy you are? He makes me appreciate him even more just for the way he’s with you.”

“Awww, Aurora, that’s too cute”

“I’m just saying. I do hope you realize he’s the one. Maybe you’re completely in love, Eleanor, it’s just that you’ve been too afraid to assume it, and is understandable with all the hell you have lived.”

She nodded, thoughtfully.

“Perhaps.”

“In the meantime, you have to resolve this thing with Ramsey. After that’s settled, you’ll find out your answer.”

Aurora stood from the bed, and Eleanor followed suit.

“You’re right. First things first.”

“I’ll leave you to it, do you think you’ll be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”—She replied, smiling, but after a few seconds, it faded.—“You’re not mad at me for what happened this afternoon?”

“No, are you?”

“No, of course not. I’m actually sorry for what happened. I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I should’ve imagined Tobias would have second intentions.”

“Well, that’s how things are now, but we are good, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Come here.”

Eleanor wrapped her arms around Aurora’s back and held her tightly.

“Thank you, Aurora, I’m so happy to have you in my life.”

“I’m happy to have you in mine as well.”

*

An hour later, after tossing and turning in bed, she was standing in front of Ethan’s apartment, feeling a pit in her stomach. What she was about to do it wasn’t easy. To a man she had love, and to a man just a few hours ago had spilled out his feelings for her.

But it had to be done.

She knocked on the door, but no answer. After a minute, she rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, he opened. He was disheveled and confused. Still dressed. Eleanor assumed he had fallen asleep on the couch.

He looked surprised when he recognized her. It was pretty late.

She had imagined in her head that she would speak the very moment he would open the door, but she couldn’t.

How do you start something like this? What are the kindest words to put an end to this?

He turned to her once the door was closed.

“It’s over, Ethan”

His eyes widened, but it was hard to know what he was feeling.

“W… What do you mean?”—He asked after a few seconds.

“Us. I… I’m not in love with you anymore.”

She saw how his world fell apart the moment her words reached his ears. It took him a while to placate his feelings, the sadness that was invading him.

“Can I ask why? What happened?”

"I'll never be able to forgive what you did. You hurt me too many times and I can’t let myself come back where I was so hurt. My love is not unconditional as yours, you made me realize that.”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry if somehow I made you believe we still had a chance, but the truth is… we never had. From the beginning. That day in your car, when you asked me if it was too late, I should’ve said that it was, but a part of me, part of me that doesn’t exist anymore, forced me to open the door. But the door has been closed since you left, since you pushed me away, and tonight when you said all those things, I could see it clearly.”

“I understand. Thank you for your honesty.”

“I know it’s not the most appropriate hour, but I needed to finish this as soon as possible. I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

“Eleanor, you have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault. You gave everything you had to make it work, and I ruined it. I missed my chance, I missed the one hundred chances you gave me. I’m the one in debt with you.”

Eleanor gave him a sad smile when she saw his eyes full of tears. She would’ve never imagined Ethan would exposer himself that way. But she was grateful for finally seeing some honesty in his feelings.

“You were brave, after all.”

“I thought I made a mistake saying all those things.”

“No, it was the right thing. I’m glad I could finally know what you feel about me. It was the least I deserved, don’t you think?”

Eleanor wiped the tears falling from his sky-blue eyes.

“Of course. I wish it could’ve been sooner, and that I hadn’t hurt you this bad. But that’s how things are. It was my mistake.”

He took her hand on his before she could pull them away, and he closed his eyes, losing himself in her touch.

It broke her seeing this way. But there was nothing she could do now.

He wasn’t ready when she was, and now that he was, she would never be ready for him. She was hoping to be ready for someone else.

She pulled away gently, and he opened his eyes, looking at her, shattered.

“I know this will be awkward for a while, but I really hope we can be friends someday. When we both heal. I don’t wanna lose you.”

He cleared his throat before speaking. His lips were quivering.

“That would be nice.”

He gave her the saddest smile she had ever seen.

“Goodnight, Ethan.”

It was a bittersweet goodbye.

“Goodnight, Eleanor.”

 When she came back to the open air, she breathed deeply. She felt lighter, happier, and somehow a lot more secure about her life than ever before.

She checked her cellphone and realized it was 3.35. There was no point in going home and grab a poor hour of sleep, so she requested an Uber to the hospital instead. Once there, she took a shower, changed into clean scrubs, and then she went to the on-call room and to take a nap until there was time to do rounds.

It was a busy morning, and she barely had the time to check on her friends or Bryce. She wanted to see him. He needed to know what had happened, but he would be in surgery all day, so she’d have to wait until the evening.

Her necessity for him increased critic levels when Eleanor found out Kyra’s cancer was worsening. She texted him to meet when he had some spare time, but he didn’t reply to her messages all day.

The afternoon went in a blur with her visit to Mass Kenmore to convince Senator Farrugia of going to Edenbrook to get treated.

By the end of her shift, she was exhausted. The fact that she only slept an hour in the on-call room was clearly manifesting.

She was about to go home with her hopes down when her pager went off. Bryce hadn’t responded to her messages and she had the feeling that he was hurt because she went to have dinner with Ethan. She couldn’t blame him.

When she entered Kyra’s room, he was sitting by her side, both laughing at each other’s banters.

Eleanor's eyes lightened when she saw him, but when he turned to her, she could decipher he wasn’t feeling the same, as his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

When Kyra told her Bryce would do a procedure that could save her life, her stomach fluttered violently. If she already admired Bryce for how talented he was, Eleanor felt her chest was about to explode with that news. She was so proud she wanted to cry.

About fifteen minutes later, after talking about the procedure and encouraging Kyra for her decision, they both left the room.

“How have you been?”—She asked softly, once Bryce closed the door—“I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”

“Yeah, I know”—Bryce scratched the back of his head, tense.—“Has been a hectic day, that’s all.”

“Can we talk?”

His eyes betrayed him a bit, exposing his fear, but after a while, he managed to act nonchalant.

“Actually, I have no brains for nothing more than to drive home and sleep. I’m drained.”

“Oh. Of course. Send Keiki a kiss for me, okay?”

“Sure.”

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left.

Eleanor stared at him walking down the hall, fighting the tears that wanted to come out of her eyes.

Of course, it hurt her that Bryce was distant. She knew she deserved it, but never thought it would be so damn painful.

But why?

It was her ego? Or the honest feeling of not wanting to lose him?

The next day wasn’t any different. She hadn’t had the chance to see him all day until she bumped into him  in her way to the atrium, before going to the interview with the Senator.

“I’m going to A.N.B Studios with Ethan, Senator Furriaga invited us.”—She announced, trying to obtain a smile from him.

“Look at you, two TV interviews in one day. Next month they’re gonna give you a segment in Good Morning America.”

He teased, but his smile wasn’t the usual, again. And she could tell he was putting an effort into talking to her.

“Bryce… We need to talk. I know you’re crossed with me.”

He nodded imperceptibly.

“Yeah, I know we need to talk, but not now, and not tonight, at least. I have to focus on Kyra’s surgery tomorrow and I need time to study and my mind clear.”

He evidently was thinking the worse about their conversation, but Eleanor didn’t want to push him. He had every right to put distance between in a moment like that. Kyra’s surgery was complex, and she would respect the time and distance he was asking her.

“Of course, whatever you need.—She responded.

“Good luck with that interview.”

He was about to leave when she took him by the wrist.

“Could you give me a kiss, at least?”

Her words were soft and almost imploring, so were her eyes.

She tried her best to hide how she was feeling. How scared she was at the possibility that he hurt him so badly that he would push her away. She didn’t want this. She’d always been scared of this and finally was seeing the consequences of her actions.

Bryce gave her a half-smile and leaned to kiss her on the lips, chastely.

“Thank you.”

“See ya, Elle.”

And he left without looking back.

Eleanor continued her way to the atrium, thinking about Bryce and how scared he was. He was protecting himself. Eleanor knew he was just preparing himself for the worst, and trying to be ready to be on his own again.

But what she did not know, was the magnitude of his fears, insecurities, and his pain. Bryce never told her how bad he felt about all the Ethan thing, she just suspected. But it didn’t bother her. Since that moment she lost all fears. She realized she didn’t care what she had to face, or how hard it would be. She wanted to know every part of him, even the tough ones, and she would fight for him, to show him he has nothing to be scared of. 

Suddenly she saw herself standing in Leland Bloom’s yacht, thinking about the level of depth and understanding she had reached with Bryce, and that she hadn’t reached with anyone else.

And Eleanor knew in that moment that if Bryce decides one day to open the door to his fears and traumas, Eleanor would dive in, no matter what she might find in the depths. She wanted to know all his fears, his pains, insecurities, joys, and miseries. All the things that made him the man he was today, the man she loved. 

When she knew about Keiki and his family, she didn’t even have to think about it, she wanted to help him. She wanted to be with him and for him. Support him, accompanying him.

When they stopped talking for days, she understood he was hurt and scared, and she respected his space and time.

There was never anguish and desperation. He missed him, yes. But she knew he needed space, and that on time, they would talk through things. And they did. 

Eleanor smiled, noticing how different things were with Bryce, compared to what she had lived in pasts relationships. He had a way to always bring the best of her even in worst situations, just like now. Because she wasn’t desperate to fix things between them. She wanted to solve it and make it work out. And she didn't want to heal him. 

And, if she was honest, with him everything was different.

From the fact that he never hid his feelings, and he was always upfront from the beginning.

In the way she was in his first priorities, and he always managed to find the time to be with her, even if it were five minutes, or just to say hi or steal her a kiss.

In the way how protective and caring he was with Keiki, and how much effort he was putting in become a better person to give Keiki everything their parents hadn’t given her, and him either.

In the way he looked at her, always with love and tenderness, and his words always conveyed what he was feeling for her. Love and admiration. Passion and understanding.

In the way he respected her space, her times, her feelings and insecurities, and how he offered everything just to show her what happiness was, assuming that maybe he wouldn’t be the one in the end.

In the way he showed her what real love was, without hurting, without all the misconceptions she had thanks to past experiences. 

That and in a million ways more. All of them leading to the same conclusion:

Bryce Lahela was exceptional. Unique. The person who had made her the happiest in her whole life. And she wanted to be with him, through thick and thin, forever. Grow together, get to know each other, protect and support each other.

And she wanted to love him. God, she wanted to love him deeply and unconditionally. She wanted to make him happy, and give him everything he had given to her and more. 

A warm and evolving feeling coursed through her body, with the big and final realization. A revelation, something she snesed that had been inside her for a while, but only today she was abe to see it.

She was in love with him.

Eleanor had fallen for Bryce at last.

____

#Bryce Lahela #Ethan Ramsey #Open Heart #Choices #Choices Stories You PLay #Bryce x MC #Bryce Lahela x MC #open heart fanfiction #Playchoices #Pixelberry

[nxah-czerny]

Funnily enough i feel like most of pynch or their buildup is in bllb. I kinda felt like after they’re finally together in book 4 there wasn’t much going on anymore. Book 3 has a loooot to offer. I hope we‘ll see a bit more of their ldr in cdth

i agree with you about bllb, because there is a lot of pynch stuff going on there but there is also a lot in trk. my copies of the books are packed away so i can’t give lots of examples but i’ll do my best from memory to explain what i mean?

because yeah, after they kiss and adam spends the night at the barns, you don’t see a lot of ‘romantic/coupley’ interactions. but to be fair the couple of days following the first time they kiss is when everything starts to happen. ronan’s mom dies, gansey finds glendower, gansey dies, cabeswater is dying. everything is dying so it’s not like there’s a lot of time for romance. 

but they still find time for moments. when aurora dies and ronan refuses to leave his car, adam doesn’t try to coax him out and instead gets in the passenger seat and just sits there with him. he doesn’t even talk because he knows that’s not what ronan needs. he just goes to sleep and tells ronan to wake him up if necessary, because he knows that’s exactly what ronan needs

when the demon-possessed cabeswater takes control of adam and adam nearly kills ronan, ronan is also the only one who can finally make adam stop by whispering something in latin in his ear. it’s only then that adam collapses into ronan’s arms, who holds onto him for dear life. also the line that’s like ‘the choice was between dying or hurting adam, which really wasn’t much of a choice at all’ and he proceeds to let ‘adam’ beat the shit out of him. obviously not the most romantic of situations, but it showcases both their connection and how deeply ronan’s feelings run 

and in the epilogue, there may not be any adam/ronan interaction but...in adam’s pov, he is driving ronan’s bmw. he has ronan’s keys and he is driving ronan’s bmw around and he drove ronan’s bmw from the barns because it says something about the drive from the barns to the trailer being however long it is, and how he thought about how he could easily go anywhere else before he got to his old home. so...presumably...he didn’t take his shitty car all the way out to the barns just to take ronan’s bmw to his parents’. he was already at the barns with ronan and took ronan’s car. and while ronan isn’t explicitly as possessive over his car as gansey is his own, i think it’s safe to say ronan wouldn’t let just anybody drive his bmw

also there’s the scene the morning after they kiss when adam finds ronan and opal out in the pasture at the barns. there’s a line that goes something like “ronan looked at adam. he clearly wasn’t taking advantage of the situation” or something which i interpret as he’s soaking in as much of this as he can because it seems ‘too good to be true’ and wants to enjoy it in case adam changes his mind. at which point adam thinks something about how ronan isn’t a game to play around with, but that he isn’t just playing around. or, adam thinking - not for the first time - that he wants to commit to ronan. he doesn’t just want to mess around.

i know it’s not a lot of explicitly romantic moments but with everything going on following their first/second kiss, it would have been hard to logically write in anything romantic and not have it be super out of place. i used to think there was virtually nothing adam/ronan after they kissed for the second time, but after my third read through, i picked up on things that were possibly more subtle? i think maggie did an exceptional job of writing ronan’s and adam’s relationship post-kisses (i think she did an exceptional job of writing their relationship altogether, but i’m specifically talking post-kisses here) with the way she didn’t completely shove them off to the side, but she didn’t sacrifice the plot for their newfound relationship either. which is something a lot of authors struggle with, i think. like, in a lot of books i’ve read, once a romantic relationship takes place, it completely distracts from the plot and focuses on the romance. maggie did a good job of basically being. like. ‘hey everyone and everything is basically dying so it definitely does not make sense for everyone to just be all gooey and romantic with each other right now but they’re gonna collapse into each others arms because that makes a lot more sense given the setting’ 

anyways, i know you didn’t ask for this long of an analysis but i couldn’t resist. i definitely think we should expect some good pynch content in cdth, which i am very much looking forward to. i can’t wait. 

(p.s. i’ve seen a few people worrying that she’s gonna break them up in the dreamer trilogy but rest assured: she will not. i recall a while ago someone tweeting her or sending her an ask or smth saying they hope they won’t break up and she basically replied by saying ‘why would i spend 4 books building towards a relationship only to have them break up?’ so you don’t have to worry about that)

#ask #anon #the raven cycle #pynch

[lalka-laski]

What do you waste your time doing the most? Scrolling social media for sure

Have you ever been backstabbed? If so, what for? Well kind of. But if anything, I sabotage MYSELF the most.

If you could be anything, what would you be? Mentally stable

If you could be any TV show character, who would you choose to be? Sabrina the Teenage Witch

If you switched genders for one day, what would you do? Not much, really. That doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.

What power would you choose to have if you were superhuman? Time travel

What stereotype/clique would you say you are more like? I was a floater who was friends with everyone, honestly.

How do you handle being under pressure? Oh I have a whole slew of unhealthy mechanisms! Take your pick!

What does your phone cover look like? It's pink & floral which is pretty much my whole aesthetic

Have you ever done anything illegal? If so, what was it? I jay-walk every day on my walk to work. Bad to the bone!

What is the perfect weather to you? Sunny & brisk

If you were a stripper, what would your stage name be? Vanilla Blonde

What is your favorite holiday, why? 4th of July because it's low-maintenance but lots of fun. I love the other "major" holidays but they come with too much stress

What is your least favorite bug? FUCK LADYBUGS. I hate them!

What is your favorite thing in the opposite sex? The way they put their hand on the passenger's seat when backing up, and the way they remove their shirts with one hand (like magic!)

What is your biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, dying, being alone, never reaching happiness/fulfillment

What is something your looking forward to? Date night tonight! And then going on my friend's boat tomorrow- fun weekend ahead of me! Just gotta get through this shift...

If you could live on any planet, which one would you choose? I'm barely equipped to live on Earth

What is your favorite junk food? Chips and dip!

If you could have any animal as a pet, which one would you choose? Goats

What is your favorite time of the day? Whenever I can lay in bed and just chill the hell out

What name do you wish you had? I love my name, I wouldn't have it any other way

What would your dream home be like? Airy but cozy, with a spa style bathroom (and tub) and a library

What is your favorite color? Pink pink pink

Where is your favorite place to be? In bed?

What is your favorite fruit? It's hard to narrow it down but I'd probably pick peaches or strawberries.

What is something you’re embarrassed about? I have plenty...

What is one thing you’d like to be the best at? I have no desire to be the BEST at anything, honestly. But I do wish I was more motivated to get BETTER at my existing skills.

Ever been on Chatroulette? (; Sure have

What is the song that you know every single word to? One that I'm really proud of is We Didn't Start the Fire. I printed the lyrics out one random summer day as a kid and studied them. It's my party trick!

Most painful memory? Nora passing. But in some ways, it's one of my most beautiful too. I got the chance to say goodbye and tell her how much I loved her, which is an absolute GIFT.

If you could be anywhere, where would you be? I'd be at home in bed. Or maybe on a warm beach.

What is your favorite place in the whole wide world? See above

A word that to you is impossible to spell? I never spells words like psychology, psychiatrist etc correctly. That letter combo trips me up!

What’s something that you collect? Books, journals, candles, David Bowie memorabilia

Listener or Talker? Listener, for sure

Thing you hate the most about the opposite sex? Just their overall like... lack of awareness? Women are so much more alert and in-tune with their surroundings. Men haven't a clue.

Could have anything you wanted right now, what would you have? No mental illnesses?

Scariest movie you’ve ever seen? Session Nine What is the most awkward moment you’ve been in? My entire life is just a series of back-to-back awkward moments

One of your quirks? Walking on my toes

What type of phone do you have? Iphone 7, I think?

Favorite quote or saying? Those who don't believe in magic will never find it

Something you wanna do before you die? Publish a book, see the Northern Lights, and have a family

What is a habit of yours? Excessive worrying Look around you.. What is the thing you like the most around you? My phone, I s'pose

Favorite possession? I love all my stuff.

Favorite shirt? Hmm, I like all of them

What is the name of your best friend? I have several

What is your favorite shoes? Flip flops I guess, but I'd prefer to just be barefoot over anything

Least favorite singer? Can't stand Halsey

Something you love and hate at the same time? I'll go with alcohol

Are you one of those people who don’t like to admit when their wrong? Nah, I'm quick to accept blame. Even when I shouldn't

Girls who try too much are annoying.. Aren’t they? Incorrect

What color makes you relax? I mean, colors themselves don't make me relax

Are you an awkward type of person? Sure as hell am!

Is it hard for you to make friends? No, I do that quite easily

How would you like to leave this earth? Painlessly and surrounded by loved ones

What do you find stupid but most people like? The show New Girl and just Zooey Deschanel. Sorry to be a hater but I CANNOT STAND that woman.

What is a hobby you have? Reading & writing

What’s your plans for next weekend? I have a pool party on Saturday WOOT WOOT! Have any big dreams? What are they? Didn't I already answer this?

Restaurant that is horrible. Chipotle.

Have a fetish for anything? Mhm, and anyone who knows me relatively well knows what they are.

Do you like long or short surveys? Long, in-depth ones

What age did you stop playing with dolls or action figures? I probably played with them a lot longer than average

Do you think your more mature then most of yours friends? I'm probably less mature than most of 'em

Do you enjoy running? Not even slightly

Something that you are horrible at but wish you were good at. Although I'm not horrible, I wish I was better at singing. I can carry a decent tune but I wish I was GOOD.

A sport you think is dumb? I mean, pretty much all of them. Sports aren't my thing.

What is your favorite food? Pizza, falafel, burritos, ice cream

Ever think about what it would be like to be someone else? Of course.

Night owl or Early Bird? Early Bird

What celebrity would you not mind meeting? Idris Elba

What’s your favorite TV channel? I don't watch actual TV

Have texting? Uh yeah. How old is this survey?

You have 3 wishes. What are they? My dream body, my dream home, endless money

What did you first think about when you woke up? How much I don't wanna get out of bed (frequent thought)

What’s the last thing you thought about before you went to sleep? How much I don't wanna go to work today What do you want to be when you grow up? Or what are you? Happy

Like cartoons? Which one is your favorite? As a kid I loved all the classic Nickelodeon ones. Rugrats, of course, being the best!

Do you watch what you eat? I ought to more...

Have a favorite number? What is it? 7 or 13

Are you quiet or loud? Quiet, mostly.

Were you an annoying baby? No I was actually very well-tempered and the easiest of my sisters.

Worst subject? Maths and sciences of pretty much any kind

Best subject? English, always

What’s your favorite brand of shoe? I don't have one. I like being barefoot best.

What’s your favorite month? Why? I've never really thought about this. Maybe July because it's the birthday month of several family members (myself included), and there's a lot of fun celebrations.

Favorite season? Spring

Least favorite holiday? I like 'em all! Especially ones I get the day off for ha

Do you try new foods or do you stick with what you know you like? I'm a pretty adventurous eater! Aside from the fact I'm vegetarian, I'll give anything a go. I love trying new dishes.

Love pictures or hate them? I HATE being in them and I especially hate when people pressure you into photographs. Let me be ugly in peace!

Have you ever thought about going to Fiji? That'd be nice but who's paying?

What’s your favorite movie character? Elle Words or Princess Aurora

Have any nicknames? What are they? Way too many, the most common being Little Bit/Libit, Lala and Lizzie.

Who do you miss? Nora

Someone have your heart? Someone of your heart but doesn’t know? Glenn, of course <3

Have any sports you love? What are they? Nah. I like watching soccer because I like the players and I (for the most part) understand the game. But I'm not a sports person overall.

Do you keep to yourself or are you out there? I very much keep to myself.

What’s your outlook on life? Weirdly vague question that I'm not sure how to answer...

What is the prettiest object/person/landscape/anything that you have seen? Glenn's face (sorry but it's true)

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Oh yes

What’s your style? Whatever I throw together

Did you like this survey? Cause I might make more! I did!

[neni-has-ascended]

The early Disney Princesses are more than You give Them Credit for

(Neni’s Advent Calendar, Day 16)

Older Disney Princesses get a bad rep. There’s absolutely nothing to dispute in that statement. As well-regarded and respected their movies are for their technical achievements and beautiful animation alone, whenever you hear people talk about the actual characters appearing in these movies, especially the protagonists, you will rarely find people lose a nice word about them. Accusations of Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora being anti-feminist characters, teaching little children, regardless of gender, harmful lessons and values, are easy to make and thus a dime a dozen. They’ve been parodied, ridiculed and done off as an archetypal relic of the past century’s culture, by everyone and their mothers, including Disney themselves.

Maybe that’s just the reason Disney have been trying so hard to “modernize” these characters, by rewriting their stories and personalities to the point of being non-recognizable in their recent slew of remakes. 2014′s “Maleficent” and the 2015 version of “Cinderella” come to mind. But do we really need remakes like that? Don’t get me wrong, the original films were clearly products of their time, but the way Disney advertises these reimaginings as “updated” and “feminist” makes it rather clear that the only reason they exist is to please the crowd who’s convinced the original versions of these characters are “harmful” or “badly written” by modern standards. And that’s just not a sentiment I can get behind at all. 

Let me make one thing clear before I continue: I did not grow up with the original three “Disney Princess” movies, and for most of my life, I only knew them from clips that would play in-between Disney Afternoon shows or hear-say. Well, I may have seen Cinderella once, when I was 7, but that was it. I just had no interest in watching those movies. As a child I found older Disney movies to be - as Cinderella would probably put it - “frightfully dull and boring”, and stuck to watching The Little Mermaid and Mulan on VHS.  

However, as my knowledge of aforementioned quote should probably tell you, by now I have actually watched and enjoyed all three of these movies. Quite recently, actually. A combination of a Christmassy need to watch old animated movies, as well as having an on-going Kingdom Hearts BbS fanfiction in the works that will eventually require me to write in-character versions of the three original princesses makes it possible. 

Now, due to how popular culture has indoctrinated me over the years to believe that classic Disney Princesses are flat, uninteresting characters, who only exist to get themselves into a pickle and be saved from it by equally flat, uninteresting princes, making the whole endeavor only worth the watch for the beauty of its animation, I didn’t expect much when I absentmindedly put on the original version of Cinderella on Netflix one night before going to bed. In the end, I was blown away. Cinderella... was nothing like what I was led to believe she would be. I’d been promised a barbie doll who spends her life doing nothing but enduring being bossed around by cartoonishly evil villains with a dumb smile and dreaming of being mother to a nuclear family until Prince Charming comes and sweeps her away with no effort at all. Instead, what I found was a snarky, spirited girl, who is quite aware of the abuse she’s being put through and holds a healthy amount of loathing and spite for her abusers (Stockholm syndrome clearly hasn’t gotten ahold of this one, it didn’t), yet endures it because she’s waiting for a good opportunity to free herself from this lousy situation without ending up homeless and starving on the streets. The term “prince” is only mentioned once by her, in passing, until long after she’s actually met the guy, and meeting him was never her goal when she tried to get to that ball. She just wanted to defy Lady Tremaine for once in her life by going out and partying, because she felt like it. No other reason. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

What I’m trying to get across here is: My first encounter with the actual movie Cinderella made me wonder, how much of what we take for granted about these old “Princess Movies” due to how they’re represented in popular culture is actually accurate, and how much of it is just flanderization and simplification, making an aggregation of smaller flaws in otherwise great movies appear much bigger and more damning than they actually are? Maybe these movies are a whole lot less regressive than we often give them credit for. I’m not necessarily saying they’re “progressive”, heaven’s no, but in some ways, I found the 1950 version of Cinderella’s character to be a lot more independent and strong than her 2015 version, which is claimed to be the “feminist” one, and the less said about what “Maleficent” does to... pretty much every single female character from the original movie, the better. 

So, here I am. I already had strong opinions on the three original princess movies after watching them this month, and watching “Maleficent” was the final straw. In honor of this season’s tendency to replay the corniest of fairy-tale movies ad-nauseum and my own love for corny fairy-tales, I’m gonna take a quick look at the three original Disney Princesses within the context of their movies and see how well they - in my honest opinion - still hold up by today’s standards. Where applicable, I’ll talk a little about the remakes as well. Well then, let’s go!

Snow White (1937)

This is the least defendable movie of the bunch, but for the probably most respectable reasons. 

I mean, let’s face it, this was Walt Disney’s - and actually, anyone’s, period - first go at a feature length animated movie, and despite how stunningly beautiful a film it still is, BOY, it shows. The whole film, from start to length, feels a lot like an overly long Silly Symphonies short with a monstrous budget, which is basically what it was. These people didn’t know how to make an animated feature film yet, so they used the next best experience they had as a model, and while it worked in their favor, its natural consequence is that Snow White’s character basically just feels like an extension of the female animation eye candy from their previous shorts, such as “The goddess of spring”. The fact that she’s constantly referred to as “beautiful” in a way that makes her sound sexually eligible, despite being 14 years old and acting like it is more than just questionable as well, to say the least. However, if there’s one good thing I can say about Snow White, it’s that she’s not quite as passive as she’s made out to be.

Now, her initial reaction to almost being assassinated, then asked to run and live in the forest is shock and trauma, as to be expected of a 14 years old girl who was just almost assassinated, then cast into the woods. People make fun of the “OMG THE TREEEES” scene, but fact is, if you were 14 and this shit happened to you, wouldn’t YOU act paranoid for the next couple of hours after? It’s “self-preservation instinct”. Nothing about how she broke down in that scene was wimpy or unrealistic. In fact, the way how she picked herself right back up after the initial scare had passed and cheered herself up without the help of another human being (animals to pet are another story) is quite impressive. As soon as Snow White has her bearings back in order, she gets up and, quite intelligently, decides to go and look for lodging. That’s right, she doesn’t just sit there and wait for someone to come and save her. She stands up and goes “Well, I guess stepmom’s lost it. Welp, time to go and get my own place.”

And what does she do once she finds a cottage that could possibly offer lodging to her, but sees that there’s nobody home? She immediately starts to plan on how to receive permission to stay, basically doing the math on how to pay the rent. She takes the initiative. Nobody invited her in, she decided for herself “I’m gonna make myself so useful around here, they’ll have no choice but to give me a room!” Again, impressive for such a very play-minded 14 years old. She clearly knows how to take care of herself. Now, when it comes to “stranger danger”, she clearly still has a couple of things to learn, but without a functioning set of parents to tell her to not accept candy from strange old people in a van, really, who can blame her?

Then there’s the issue of the prince. He’s clearly quite a bit older than her and the implied marriage between the two of them... Let’s just say I REALLY hope they waited at least three, four years with that. Then again, these were the middle ages, so... oh well. 

However, in general, the relationship between the two isn’t handled too badly. Sure, the prince is pretty much a prop, an item for Snow White to acquire at the end of her struggle to survive (a theme we’ll see repeated in Cinderella), but despite us only seeing one scene of her singing together with him in the start of the movie, the way she talks about him for the rest of the movie (and the way the narration goes) strongly implies the two of them met more often than that. For all we know, they’d been meeting up in the courtyard like that for a couple of weeks already by the time Snow White has to run off. Basically, it can be assumed, those two already knew each other well enough and even considered each other properly boyfriend and girlfriend by the time the Prince appears in the end to kiss her awake, which makes the fact that he kisses her awake in first place a lot less creepy, especially compared to the original fairy tale. This isn’t a stranger coming in to claim a pretty price; It’s a concerned boyfriend learning that his M.I.A. girlfriend might possibly have been murdered by her crazy mother and hurrying to her dying bed to see her one more time. Again, this doesn’t change anything about the obvious creepy age gap between the two of them, but if I’d seen this movie as a kid, I wouldn’t have taken “Awww, being kissed by a stranger and then taken away to be married by him is soooo romantic!” from it. I would have taken “Awww, it’s nice to know that there was a loved one out there who cared enough about her to come and save her even when it seemed too late.” from it. 

If Disney decides to remake this movie, I guess I’d wish for them to do three, and ONLY three things to change the story: 

A) Age up Snow White by at least two years, 

B) Put more emphasis on her already present resourcefulness and craftiness, and

B) Add more scenes in the beginning to make it 100% clear that she and the prince have been an item for a long time, eliminating the creepiness of a possible stranger kissing her entirely. 

I don’t think there’s really much else you can do, without ditching the source material. I mean, let’s be honest, you’re kinda confined in what you can do when working with Grim’s Fairy Tales, but for that this movie isn’t doing too badly.

Alternately, a movie about the Evil Queen could be done and would make a LOT more sense than a movie about “Maleficent”. More on that in the last section. 

Cinderella (1950)

This movie is the one I think is most unfairly judged as “anti-feminist”, because pretty much every single piece I read claiming that Cinderella is a passive, docile character waiting to be saved by a prince... Let’s just say I doubt these people have ever actually watched the movie in first place. That, or they’re mixing it up with the other two.

Snow White was waiting for her boyfriend prince to come and help her out.

Aurora laid asleep, waiting for her prince to come and help her out.

Cinderella? Cinderella isn’t waiting for anyone. Cinderella is constantly looking for her chance. 

As I’ve said before, if you actually watch the movie, you’ll quickly realize that “finding a prince” and getting married is never a concern of Cinderella’s. All she dreams of is leading a happy life. What kind of life that is isn’t specified, but it probably involves a whole lot less Lady Tremaine, Anastasia and Drisella, and a whole lot more me-time for Cinderella. Cinderella is far from docile and complacent in her situation. From the first scene we hear her speak, she’s snarling at the clock-tower dragging her out of bed when she’d rather avoid avoid it, snarking at Tremaine and her daughters behind their backs non-stop and defying their orders by keeping the mice they clearly want dead as her friends and pets. The very first thing she talks about is having a dream and wanting it to come true, and the movie let’s little doubt that said dream is all about escaping her abusers at the first realistic chance she gets. But she doesn’t just dream; she’s realistic. She has foresight. When Lady Tremaine insists she can’t go to the ball, she sets out to defy her stepmother  by playing the “Your orders are not above the king’s” card. She handles her chores in record time, only to prove to Tremaine that she can’t stop her from going, and when ultimately she lacks the time to finish her dress, Cinderella is rewarded for a previous act of defiance - saving the household mice and treating them kindly - by having them finish her dress for her. Basically: Everything Cinderella gets, she earned. She isn’t just sitting down, waiting around to be saved. She works hard and stays good to her friends, even in her shitty situation, and her friends stand by her in return, aiding her in her attempts to defy her abusers. The Fairy Godmother, too, isn’t just a random stroke of luck. She even says so herself: The aid she receives from the fairy is a reward for Cinderella’s unfaltering belief in a better future, which she held onto despite all of the abuse. It’s an empowering message, about how by not lowering yourself to the level of those who wrong you and staying true to your own ideals, you can ultimately succeed with the aid of those whose trust you earned. Cinderella gets to go to the ball not because she’s pretty and cute and we’re supposed to root for her, but because she deserved it. Ultimately, Hard work pays off.

Oh, but let’s not forget what the ball was really about: Cinderella wants to go out and party. That’s all there is to it. No prince involved. In fact, when she actually does get to go, and some guy asks her to dance with her, she doesn’t even realize that guy is the prince until way, waaaay later. To her, she’s just out at a dance after one hard day of work, having the time of her life, when suddenly a hot guy walks up to her and asks to hang out. They hang out, talk and, whoa, the hot guy is super nice, too! Totally her type! Talk about one awesome party! Now, I’m asexual myself, so I don’t know what it’s like to immediately crush on someone the first moment you see them, but I’d imagine that for many people, an experience like that at a party is quite relatable. The point of the scene isn’t that Prince Charming is saving Cinderella, the point is that she’s out, having fun, like she’s dreamed of doing for so long. All those years of hanging in there are finally paying off. She’s successfully defied Lady Tremaine and managed to have an awesome night. The fact that she developed a huge crush on the guy she danced with is more or less just a side effect.

Talking of the prince, again, if anyone is a flat character, it’s him. Again, he’s a prop, someone who exists as an ultimate reward for Cinderella’s hard work - and, most importantly, not the other way around! Cinderella isn’t the prize to be conquered here. The prince is. He is her reward for defying Lady Tremaine and managing to escape her abuse. In the climax of the movie, against all odds, it’s not the prince who saves Cinderella: Cinderella saves herself. She stands by the door, tries to pry it open with all her mind, and, finally, hatches a plan to free herself from the room she is locked in with the help of one of the friends she’s earned herself with her kindness. That’s all her. If she hadn’t acted that moment, thought about it and figured out what to do to save herself, she’d never have been able to leave the room in time. But she did. She saved herself, and the  help she received, she received from the people who’s trust she’s earned with honest effort.  My single complaint with the movie is that she ends up marrying the prince after their first, maybe second date, but, again, that comes with the source material. Let’s just give the guy the benefit of the doubt and hope the marriage doesn’t fall apart. Cindy definitely earned it.

When I was 1950′s Cinderella, I don’t see a helpless girl who is swept off her feet by a knight in shining armor. I see a resourceful, intelligent young woman, who waits for the perfect moment to escape her abusers, earns it, and then takes it, not allowing anything or anyone to stop her. I see nothing anti-feminist in this. Both, Cinderella and her abusers are female. The prince is a prop. She never interacts with any other male humans. The male mice help her because she’s saved them and kept them alive first. There are no male power-fantasies at play here, and even if Cinderella is a very traditionally feminine character, what’s so bad about that? I am a woman who loves BOTH traditional and non-traditional femininity. Cinderella has her well-deserved place in this world. This is a movie that I’d show to children without a second thought, right next to things like Steven Universe. Any kind of femininity that doesn’t rely on non-agency should be celebrated, me-thinks. 

That’s why I absolutely don’t understand why Disney felt the need to remake this movie. 

I’m... conflicted on the 2015 remake... Actually, I took notes while watching it today. Lemme share them with you as they are, alright?

The start is good, thanks for expanding on this.

CGI mice are cute, thanks for not cutting the mice

Slow progression into abuse which makes sense with the original movie and could easily be in-continuity with it, good

An actual motivation for Lady Tremaine which makes sense, yes, very good

the first act was awesome.

where is Cinderella's snark?

Seriously, why isn’t she snarking? That was the best thing about her.

Oh gosh, they made Drisella and Anastasia even MORE cartoonishly evil

Too much talking, 

too much prince, 

WHY CAST HELENA BONHAM CARTER AS THE FAIRY???

what are you smoking

The slapstick wasn’t needed. At all.

why is the grand duke evil, 

She's NOT more proactive

Too much prince angst. king didn’t need to die

Seriously, Why make the Grand Duke evil? SHE DOESN'T EVEN TRY TO FIGHT GOSH IN THE ORIGINAL SHE CAME UP WITH THE PLAN THAT SAVED HER HERSELF

SINGING???? REALLY???

In the original version, she saves herself with the help of the mice. Here, SHE'S SAVED BY THE FRIGGIN' PRINCE GOSH. FEMINISM??

All she is more angry at Lady Tremaine??

"I forgive you. Guards, banish the bitch."

Have courage, kindness and VINDICATION

THE FIRST ACT MADE SO MUCH SENSE AND WAS SO GOOD THO. THANKS FOR THE CGI MICE GOOD

...Ahem. 

So yeah, as you can read out of this, I would have much preferred this movie if it had just been a prequel short to the original film, as which it would have made a lot of sense and would have been beautiful. The moment Cinderella met the prince in the woods, everything kind of fell apart, since from that moment on, going to the ball became about the prince, totally undermining what made her decision to go there such a great show of self-agency in the original. Also, the chances to the climax were bullshit. She ended up having on part in her own rescue, nope, this time it really was the prince who saved her. I did not appreciate that at all. With that change they broke what didn’t need to be fixed. Was it so hard to just write the dog back in and have the climax go more similar to the original? *sigh*

Pro-tip Disney: When you try to make your properties my feminist, try to not go about that by breaking the feminism already present in them. Thank you very much.

But, oh well, at least this remake still had artistic merit to it and didn’t break the original completely. That’s more than I can say for the reimagining of...

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Aurora is not this movie’s saving grace. Nope, not by a long shot. 

The fairies are. All of them. Especially Maleficent.

Let’s get right into it, this is the only of the three movies where it isn’t the prince who’s the prop, but the Princess. Aurora isn’t an interesting character at all, she’s basically a female version of the prince from Cinderella. She exists as a prize for not just the prince, but the entire Kingdom to celebrate the defeat of Maleficent, and while that may sound troubling, there’s a reason why this movie definitely does not simply have a bias against its female character, and that reason is every single female character not named Aurora. 

Yeah yeah. I can’t defend Aurora herself. Call this cheating. But really, neither Aurora, nor Phillip even get the majority of the screen time in the movie. They’re not the real protagonists here. Nope, the movie is REALLY about is the struggle of three brave fairies, Flora, Fauna and Merryweather, to put an end to the tyranny of the mighty, vindictive fairy Maleficent. Phillip’s story of reuniting with Aurora is a side-note compared to that.

The fairies are the reason this movie, THIS MOVIE, of all things, passes the Bechdel test. Let that sink in. Flora, Fauna and Merryweather make the movie. For the sake of defeating Maleficent’s curse, they have to give up their upper-class, immortal lives with the ability to magick up anything they want out of thin air, and learn to live as mortals instead, something they still are shown having trouble with sixteen years after the fact. It’s an interesting take on the traditional fairy godmother, and one I’m surprised hasn’t received more attention. It certainly helps that all three of them have such strong personalities and often clash. Especially the running gag of Flora and Merryweather  both wanting to dress Aurora in their signature colors kept bringing a smile to my face. Flora is level-headed and strict, Merryweather is a worrier who is blunt and doesn’t always think her actions through, Fauna is sweet and reliable, but also a little slow when it comes to some things. I really enjoyed every scene with those three on screen, especially Merryweather’s reactions to her friends’ antics were gold. I often found myself laughing out loud, something many modern movies don’t manage to make me do. I’m sure, if I’d seen this movie as a kid, I would have come away forgetting about Aurora pretty quickly, but the fairies would have won my heart. Especially Merryweather. God, she’s amazing. I want her to be my friend and talk trash about politics with her. Though, she’d probably find my love for the color pink disturbing... 

These three fairies are the true heroes of the movie, and their story isn’t about finding love and getting married. That’s never even remotely an issue. No, their story is about defeating one of their own, a fairy much stronger than them, first by outsmarting her, then by using the things she scoffs at against her. They’re pretty traditional heroes in that way, and I like it.Now, Phillip is a pretty cool hero too, but let’s face it. He’s basically the prince from Snow White again, except with more personality and more of a part in actually saving the girl. I’ll be honest, I probably liked this movie best out of the three, but it was definitely not because of Aurora and Phillip. It was all thanks to the fairies. 

You know who that also includes? That’s right, Maleficent!

Oh my god, Maleficent. She’s just... Just such a perfect villain. Everything about her just oozes power. She’s like a force of nature. Someone who’s enjoys and relishes her own spitefulness and vindictiveness to the utmost. You love to hate her, but you love her for how much you hate her. She’s animated beautifully, and evokes fear every time she’s on screen. Truly the Mistress of all evil. Of course, she’s not exactly a relatable character, but she really doesn’t need to be. Not every person in the world is relatable. Some are just insane, and Maleficent is that kind of person. Unlike the Evil Queen, her motivation isn’t even a traditionally “feminine” one. She’s not just vain or a woman scorned, heck, it’s not even the traditional male motivation of world-domination. Nope, she’s just a really, really vindictive person with a lot of power who enjoys causing suffering.Basically, she’s Vladimir Putin as a fairy, except somehow even scarrier. That’s just amazing. It’s enjoyable to see her scheme and act like a lunatic, and it’s just as enjoyable to watch her get taken down in the end. Fauna, Flora and Merryweather may make the movie, but Maleficent puts the cherry on its top. She completes the package. A delightfully magical package.

The fairies were the best part about the original movie. So why did Disney decide TO MAKE A TERRIBLE MOVIE ABOUT THEM THAT RUINS EVERYTHING THAT MADE THEM AWESOME?

Why.

WHy wOuld yoU do THAT!?

Not only did they manage to waste a perfectly good life action representation of Maleficent (the few scenes in which she’s actually allowed to BE the actual Maleficent, rather than the diet version the rest of the movie ran with, Angelina Jolie really nails the role. It makes the rest of the movie even more painful.), they also took pretty much every single character from the original and turned them into unlikable assholes, INCLUDING the fairies. 

Oh, Merryweather, what have they done to you, my dear. Please, forgive those foolish mortals, for they know not what they’re doing...

The first and immediate problem is that the entire movie is built on a fallacy: The idea that Maleficent was never given a motivation and thus needed one. That is, of course, bullshit. She already had a perfectly good motivation. Being a vindictive person. Believe it or not, there ARE people like that in the world. Denying that reality doesn’t make your movie any “darker”, it makes it more childish. Oh, but of course, the movie doesn’t deny that reality, it just makes OTHER characters evil and vindictive instead! How silly of me! Yeah, let’s rewrite the strong, powerful female villain who does what she does for no other reason than that she can into a poor, hurt puppy, who’s entire world-view was shaped by a man and an implied fantasy-rape, and also make her an all-loving mother-figure at it, the OLDEST female archetype in the book, then call that “progressive”! Ahahahahahahahaha. Meanwhile, they demonized the entirety of Aurora’s Kingdom by going with the old “Hoomans R evul” trope, which has been tired and overused since back in the 90s, then they rewrote some of the most interesting and fun female characters in early Disney film to become a trio of bumbling buffoons, incapable of tying their own shoes instead. OH AND THEY MADE MERRYWEATHER DUMB. THAT DESERVES SHOUTING. YOU CAN’T MAKE MY MERRYWEATHER DUMB, YOU MONSTERS.

The plot they came up with didn’t even make sense within itself. If Maleficent had a personal beef with Stephan because he was her ex, then why did she curse Aurora, and not him? Why do the three fairies listen to the king of they’re part of a different Kingdom? Why are the mores called a “Kingdom” if they’re outright stated to be a direct democracy? Why does Aurora become queen of the mores in the end when the mores are a direct democracy? Why did you go for the same friggin’ plot-twist as Frozen, when Maleficent is most definitely NOT the same character as Elsa? Why didn’t she go get her wings back much earlier if it was as easy as just sticking them on again? Why do the three fairies already consider Maleficent evil before the christening incident, if that was LITERALLY the first truly vindictive thing she’s done? WHY would you cut off the fairies’ gifts at the second one like the original movie, but then have Maleficent HERSELF weaken the curse, rendering the final fairy’s gift unnecessary?? Why were the three fairies still in the movie at all if you basically turned Maleficent into a composite character of herself AND THEM in the first place?? Why would you disgrace your own classic movie by having Aurora herself claim that the original movie is bullshit and THIS, lo and behold, is the true, canon story now? F**k this movie with all the forces of hell!

The worst thing about this whole fiasko is that a movie like that CAN work. It can work, with pretty much any female villain OTHER than Maleficent. This could have worked with the Evil Queen from Snow White. This could have worked with Lady Tremaine. Heck, this story would have worked A LOT with Mother Gothel from Tangled/Rapunzel. In fact, the whole thing was written like it was meant for Mother Gothel! For your information, in the original fairy tale, Gothel was a fairy who stole Rapunzel out of revenge for her parents stealing from her garden. She’s never described as ‘evil’ in the source material, she’s just a villain by virtue of her method of punishing the thieves. A plot-line like the one in “Maleficent” would have made a LOT more sense for Gothel, heck, even if you went with the Disney-version of Gothel a movie like this would still have made more sense for her than for Maleficent. So, why the hell did they do this movie with the one female villain with which it does NOT work?

Not everything can be turned into “Wicked”, Disney. Not everything is meant to be “Wicked”. You’ve had your go at “Wicked” with Frozen. Now, LET IT GO. 

This movie is terrible. It’s not progressive, not feminist, and least of all a respectful take on its source material. It’s everything that’s wrong with Hollywood remake culture.The original movie wasn’t a cornerstone of feminist media, but its female characters were sure a heck of a load better than the characters in this glorified fanfic. 

Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is: Disney. Stop hating your own Princess Movies. Some healthy self-awareness and a will to improve is good, but what you’ve been doing has been downright delusional. Your protrayal of female characters was never as incredibly terribad as you seem to believe it was. Take some pride in what you’ve done and strife to do even better in the future, without defiling your old work for the sake of being “progressshiiivvvvvv” (without actually being progressive.) If people want Disney Princess movies that feature the princesses (and queens) doing non-traditionally feminine things, there’s Tangled, Frozen and The Princess and the Frog, and the list is ever-expanding. We don’t need to go back and try to erase and rewrite the history that lead Disney to where it is now. That history is part of why they got to where they are now.

Don’t demonize the past. Look at it with the same critical eye you look at the present with, and then learn from it. Honor it and be thankful for what it can teach you. 

  (See the other entries into my Advent Calendar Series HERE. )

#Disney Princesses #Snow White #cinderella #maleficent #Sleeping Beauty #Neni Talks #Neni Essay #Neni's Advent Calendar 2017

[otteron-the-sun]

[6] Two side of a coin

State : In progress Characters : Moobin x Rocky x OC (Mee Joo) Genre : fluff / a bit of angst (it’s starting guys) Featured : Poly!Rockbin and College!AU Summary : Being a college student seems to be easier for your love life, little did I know that a bet between two guys won’t make everything goes so smoothly after all. Word count : ~3,000 Side note : I really wanted to finish it today after two weeks of writing it. It’s my favourite chapter this far ♥

Previous part

Two days were spent sadly laying on the bed. Not even once my foot left the mattress to go somewhere else than the bathroom, taking with me the box of tissue that spent more time on my nightstand than anything else that I usually have around me. Not even once I opened the thousand texts from Rocky, trying to explain anything to me. Nor those from Moonbin. I expected far more than that from them, some decency maybe? Being smart enough to see who you are texting? The only person being able to reach me by the way of my phone was Shin-Ae, the exact minute she didn’t saw me in class, not even a week before the finals. I tried so hard to not being sad at the reality, how come the thinking of being liked by someone like Rocky, or even Moonbin. Why did I never thought twice about the smile of Moonbin, I mean, he could practically make me do anything just by one smile. And everyone was weak for this. I never really thought that, maybe, he did that for a reason, maybe that he just wanted to take advantage of everyone he could. That was pretty messed up actually. But even if I tried to think about any reason to blame them, I just could get over the fact that I still loved Rocky, not mentioning my huge crush on Moonbin. Just the sight of a new text from one of them made me think back about the good times together, asking myself if that was also part of the bet. Even if I was dying to text either one of them, my heart ached by the mere thought. It was like being heartbroken, again and again, just by thinking of talking with them. And deep down, I felt so betrayed. And still broken. I spent my entire day looking back at pictures with the boys, not stopping the tears to ran down my face, while mentally repeating myself “Get over it, you were just a bet” in loop. I was just a prop in their heartless theater, a thing you play a bit with before throwing it away when you are annoyed with it. A part of me told me that it wasn’t my fault, but theirs. And the other part was mumbling in the back of my head that I was so careless, not pretty enough, not cute enough, not anything enough. But nothing was changing. A little notification whistle emerge from my phone, on the ground, making me pop out of my mind, extending my hand to the ground to grab it, wishing to see a text from anyone but the two other. And it was Shin-Ae, trying to understand the whole story, secretly knowing the side of the boys, without me knowing anything about it.

[13:21] Angel : But… Wait, do you know more about this bet? Like … anything? [13:21] You : No.. I didn’t read any of their texts, why? [13:21] Angel : Maybe it’s not a bet where they don’t care about you, but are really interested and want to fight to have you? [13:22] You : Thank you for trying to light up the mood, but it’s not working, sorry [13:22] You : And to be honest, I still like them both? So, if it was the case, it’d be complicate to choose.. [13:22] Angel : Why choose? [13:22] You : …… [13:23] You : Because you can’t have two partners? Like, hello? Monogamy and all? [13:23] Angel : I wasn’t talking about polygamy, you pabo [13:23] Angel : I really thought you were polyamorous tho [13:26] You : Ok, I just searched on Internet.. Maybe I am then ? I think it’s pretty much how I feel [13:26] You : Doesn’t help the fact that… I was just a bet between them, of “who can have her first” [13:27] Angel : Yeah… Don’t think about them, take care of you, like, nice bath, face mask, good food and all, okay? [13:27] Angel : I’ll fight them

I just let out a chuckle before rolling out of bed. She was right after all, I really needed to take care of me, feeling nice, good, cute, and loved, at least by me. Which wasn’t the case, at the first sight of my face in the nearest mirror. Wow, Aurora should probably have looked like that at the end of her endless sleep. Ugly. Yes. Throwing my pajama around on my way of the bathroom, I could find myself grew a bit more comfortable and confident. And obviously a less sad. I ran a bath, testing the water before sliding in it without any other hesitation. Just sliding all the way in, just letting my nose and eyes out. Before diving in until being out of breath. It was the longest bath I had for years, sticking out my toes from time to time, wiggling them with a little chuckle. Staying for an eternity, only getting out when the water was cold and my skin all wrinkly. Feeling cleaner than ever.

I roamed around my bedroom with only a towel covering my body and one for my hands. I just tidy a little the only mess I made in the two days, which was used tissues around the room, always missing the trash when throwing it. It was time to feel better, to do something rather than dying in sadness and hunger in my bed. Before finally going for the closet, choosing my cutest underwear, only for self-esteem. I only grabbed some ripped jeans and a big hoodie from my brother. Long enough to reach mid-thighs though. Not bothering to put slippers or any kind of shoes, because I didn’t plan on going out again. And if I did, for groceries, the shoes in the entrance would probably work nice enough with the outfit. And still for my self-esteem, I took time in front of the mirror, drying my hair before styling them nicely, letting them free for once. And of course some make-up, trying to convince me that it’ll help as a motive to keep my tears for me for the rest of the afternoon. And tonight will be a great night for some skincare. Roaming around for a bit more, I was suddenly interrupted by the loud growling of my stomach. Yes. Eating. Eating was a thing that human do. Yes. Crying for a day and half made me kind of forget that I needed to eat. And now I was just wishing to find something still edible and not rotten in my fridge or anything. It was closer from a prayer than a wish at this point. But obviously a day and half couldn’t do a lot on the few things I had around my kitchen. Few things being enough to do a nice and simplified bibimbap, happy to be alone at home. Because, yes, a bowl was the maximum I could do with what I had. And I enjoyed my meal, at almost three in the afternoon, in front of my laptop, taking the opportunity to watch some TV shows I missed in the time that had past. It was good to have some time for ourselves, far from anything annoying. Maybe I did a big deal out of all this story because I had college at the same time, with the finals coming faster than expected. But thinking more about it, I wasn’t to blame in this story. It was a shitty thing to do, bet on me for a relationship. And not telling me about it before asking me out? It was messed up.

Once my show finally ended, I took my bowl and chopsticks back to the kitchen to wash them, putting them to dry right after, taking the pan and other things I used, finally washing them. And it was in the middle of my final pan that I heard a few knocks on my front door. It couldn’t be Shin-Ae at this time, she wouldn’t be missing classes to come see me, without taking notes for me. Nor any of the guys, knowing their schedule by heart, from the time hanging out with Binnie, I could tell that they had something the Thursday, only finishing at six. Which mean… That I didn’t know who it was. Not bothering looking through the peeping hole, I opened the door with the elbow, my hands occupied drying themselves with the dish towel. Well until I dropped it on the floor at the first look on the visitor. Too busy holding back tears, I weren’t capable of doing anything, not even closing abruptly the door to his face or kneeling to grab the towel. I just stood there, watching Moonbin and his worried face. Moonbin and his boyfriend look, made with a beanie and some glasses. But I snapped back to reality, furrowing my eyebrows, grabbing the door to finally close it, without a word. But he wasn’t feeling this way as he pushed back the door, looking at me directly in the eyes. “Please, don’t avoid this, I want to tell you all. If you close this door I’ll stay here until you get out.” With no further due, I pushed the door with all my strength, closing it. Nuh-uh. He knows he can having anything from me, just by a little smile. No. I won’t listen to any of his little lies. Why would he stay in front of my door anyway, he’ll just give up, I could have any of his little prey.

Two hours, and he was still, sitting in front of my door. Every time I passed in front of the door, I peeked outside to see him, and his sad face. Well, when he didn’t have his head in his hands, seeming a lot more upset. I was dying to let him in, to hear every words he had to say. And after seeing him staying outside my apartment for this long, I just couldn’t find something against him. So I opened the door again, glaring at him. But he just smiled at me, as if I just saved his life. Quickly back on his feet, I walked aside to let him in, but he stopped in front of me, his hands on either of my cheeks. And he leaned to put a little kiss on my forehead, whispering something like “You’re far from being naïve.” And he just close the door, before walking to my couch and waiting for me to come before sitting, like a nice little puppy. But once I sat, he was by my side, looking carefully at me, as if I was going to break in a few minutes. Which wasn’t really wrong, since I really asked myself how long my nerves are going to be this strong, but the desire to cry was pretty big too. But then he started to talk. “So … Yeah, I guess we can say it’s a pretty long story… And I’ll start from the very beginning, that way, you can understand everything… Ah, I never thought of telling you all of this, I’m sorry.” Now that he took a good look of me before turning his eyes far from mine, getting really shy. And I took the opportunity to look attentively at him. The way he was fidgeting his fingers, nervously, the light dark circles appearing under eyes, the blush that had creep on his cheeks, and even the way he nibbled at his lower lips. And I just let out a whisper, asking him to tell me, he just nod. “ Yes, uh… Okay, it’s been more than a year now, but… The very first time I saw you on the campus, I couldn’t stop myself to think about how pretty you looked, with your high-waisted jean, the big sweater and how you kept your hair in a ponytail. It wasn’t a big deal at first, I just thought you were beautiful….. But then I saw how you acted with everyone, especially with Sanha, the kid I just met at this point. Why were you so kind and caring with everyone? Actually, why you still are? Because every time I saw you, I found myself growing fonder of everything you did. How your lips curved when you smiled, your eyes, your laugh. Every little thing. And hopelessly, I developed a huge crush on you, without exchanging any word with you. And I was too scared to even talk to you, even by text. So I just kinda … gave up on the idea of even talking to you…” I was left mute, almost breathless, while he just sighed. Never once his eyes met mine while talking, but in a way, I could understand him, it wasn’t something easy to do, talking about everything you like about someone, especially when you tell them how you feel at the same time. And by knowing all that, I could understand a lot more things about him. How awkward he was around me, even with the other boys. The fact that he already had my number, and little things like that. And knowing all that made me fall a little deeper for him and his smile. But it wasn’t the end of the story. “I told Rocky about my crush on you, and he tried to push me to talk to you. But when we had the dinner with everyone, he fell for you just like I did. So he thought of a “bet” for us, to make you fall for one of us. We didn’t attend to hurt you actually, we wanted you to be happy more than anyone else. And we had the approval of both SanHa and Shin-Ae. Our feelings were real, and I’m sorry we ended up hurting you. We tried to explain it to you by text, but you never read them, so I took my day off to come see you…” With less time than needed, I was on my feet, my vision blurry with tears. I blinked a few time to make them go away, but instead, they rolled down my cheeks. My feelings couldn’t be held any longer and I was at the edge of yelling, sobbing and more again. I was angry, but relieved. Happy but so upset. About everyone and everything. I choked on a sob, and Moonbin tried to take my hand to calm me down. Hand that I slapped away, glaring at him behind another wave of tears. “ You think that it’s all easy ? That I’ll just nod and forgive the two of you? Why didn’t you tell me beforehand? Was it funnier to keep it secret from me and possibly break my heart, my confidence and my happiness? How do you think I felt this past days, crying my eyes out in my bed? Honestly, I don’t care what you have to say. I fell for Rocky, while dying over a crush for you. But I don’t want anything from it now.” More surprised that I could tell him about all of it calmly, and coldly rather than yelling at him, I didn’t saw him nibble another time on his lips before getting up to face me. Taller than me, I had to look up to glare at him, trying my best to not choke on another sob and suppress another wave of tears. But Moonbin was having none of this, wrapping his arms around me to engulf me in his torso. And at this moment, I lost it. I felt so angry but so peaceful at the same time. But the way he was stroking my hair was so soothing that I could almost fall asleep in his arms. Again, tears were shed but he whipped them away so softly. “Princess, I only need a glance of you to fall all over again. So please, don’t cry, we’ll do anything to make you happy.” He was almost whispering, and I just sniffed slightly. How bad did I ruin my makeup, but he still thinks I’m pretty. And I needed nothing more before slowly pulling him by his shirt to make him bend a little, just the time our lips meet. Just brushing against each other softly. Before coming to meet again, way more sure this time. He lost no time to put his hands on my waist, pulling me the closest to him, while I wrapped my arms around his neck. Again, things felt so right. And his smile cut short to the kiss. He pushed a strands of hair behind my ear, before looking deep in my eyes. “ Maybe we can all be happy if you’re … Ah, forget about it” He sighed, letting go of my waist. But I took his hand carefully “You know Binnie… I think I’m polyamorous so… Maybe there’s a way…?” Maybe I shouldn’t have say that, and I realized that when I saw how lost in his mind Moonbin was. And I couldn’t help but furiously blush, hiding behind my hands, which cause him to snap off his thoughts to stroke my cheek. “Maybe I shouldn’t admit that… But  I always had an ambiguous relationship with Rocky… He confessed to me, not wanting anything from it, just to let me know that he liked me in another way than friends, and I do too. But we never tried to go any further in case it breaks our friendship or the spirit in the fraternity… But maybe…. We could all give it a shot… You know, the three of us… ?”

#rocky #moonbin #Rockbin #moonrock #moonbin fluff #poly!moonrock #rocky fluff #poly!rockbin #astro #astro fluff #astro fanfic #astro college #fluff #angst #kpop

[niponmirai02]

Black Butler: Book of the Atlantic (My Review)

Wednesday June 14th, 7pm, English Dub

For those who have not yet seen the movie, I would advise to... PROCEED WITH CAUTION! THIS FOLLOWING POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!! (Fyi, I have not yet read much of the manga... b/c there they don’t have much copies around here *sad face*, but I am well aware that this film is the adaption of the ‘Luxury Liner Arc’)

= I flipping squealed and clapped excitedly the second I saw Sebastian and heard his english dub voice. Again, I LUV J. Michael Tatum’s Sebastian voice. *internally fangirling like crazy*

= My friend was spazzing out in confusion about Tanaka’s super deformed form. Did Koukai seriously forget? Lolz. Boy did I have to re-explain it to him.

= Hello again Rau and Ran-mao. Such a shame this was the only moment we get to see you two in the film.

= Lol, Ciel’s reaction/response to Sebastian wearing a doctor/medial outfit. Really interesting to see Sebastian wearing anything else other than his usual butler uniform. Regardless, he is still ‘one hell of a [hawt] butler’.

= Alexis Leon Midford cheek rubbing and hugging Ciel Phantomhive. FUNNY AND ADORABLE AT THE SAME TIME!

= Edward Midford “Mc Sourpuss”. I can somewhat understand the typical big brother overprotecting a younger sister, but why can’t you be happy for your sister?! At least their father approves of Ciel.

= Sebastian’s slick back hair. One word:... HAWT!!

= Charles Grey referencing Sebastian’s “death” from Book of Murder pt 1 & 2/Phantomhive Manor Murders Arc.

= Ciel in blonde wig... Cute. Sebastian wearing a ponytail... GAUD DAYUM SEXEH!!!

= “We are phoenixes!!”. Ahhaahaa!! Ciel’s reaction is PRICELESS!! [Woah never expected to hear added content of Ciel’s thoughts. Nice]

= Aleister and Ciel’s interaction! *bursting into laughter with Kouhai and audience*

= The entire Aurora society doing the Phoenix Dance pose. Aww darn, where is Ciel’s reaction where you need it?!?!! XD Lolz.

= Undertaker why are you hiding behind the machine...and smiling. What are you up to? [FORESHADOWING]

= Gotta love Snake feeding the snakes.

= Lost count to how many times the audience laughed everytime they hear Snake speaking out what the snakes are “saying”/hissing.

= Jesus! The soulless body ate Lizzie’s cake for Ciel?! RUN!!! [No joke, the sudden pan to seeing the corpse behind them nearly scared the SHEEEET outta me]

= Snake still calling Ciel “Smile”. Totes love the Book of Circus/Circus arc reference.

= Ronald casually rolling away on his lawnmower death scythe like its some sort of an electric scooter and Sebastian’s confused [yet sexy] facial expression. LOVE IT!

= Oh gaud dayum, the demonic growl/laugh Bassy made

= Ciel recalling back to when he first saw Sebastian in his demon form.

= Demon butler ONE, Corpses ZERO!

= Wait, did Sebastian inverted his blood covered gloves or did he have a spare in his pocket? Lol, he didn’t realize at first his gloves were soaked with blood after his fight against the group of corpses.

= Grell Sutcliff enters the scene. *cue audience and self squealing in excitement. also, insert Kouhai looks at me with a WTF look on his face*

= Grell and Ronald TITANIC MOMENT!! *cue audience and self bursting into uncontrollable laughter* AHHAHAHAHA!!!! Can’t breathe! I’m dying! Is GrellxRonald canon now?! XD lolz. THIS IS FAUKIN’ COMEDY GOLD RIGHT THERE!! CLASSIC!!!! Grell I understand, but Ronald?! BWAHHAHAA!!!

= Elizabeth, darling, I love you to pieces but please quit worrying about your dress. This is a matter of life and death--oh nevermind, she realizes her action. Still is one of my favorite female characters in the Black Butler series.

= Partly unbuttoned soaking wet shirt Sebastian. *intense fangasming* [to self: AWW DAYUM BABEH!!! I would love to have you in bed with me, LMFAO <3] Kouhai: SHIELD YOURSELF! *attempts to cover my eyes but fails. I bat him away, lolz*

= “Mr. Sutcliff--” Ronald totally confirmed to the audience that Grell is definitely a male.

= Dayum Lizzie! You got some mad fencing skills. 360 NO SCOPE BEECHES! No seriosly! She goes full on ninja on these corpses with ease. Running along the walls and ceiling. GAUD DAYUM! Fave BB female character for sure (tied with Mey-rin, of course).

= AWW!! Elizabeth’s thoughts of self and memories of Ciel is soo heartfelt touching! Elizabeth feeling different than the other girls because of her amazing fencing skills. She is worried about what young Ciel said regarding his dislike towards strong female. OUCH! Right in the feels! And holding her true self back just for Ciel’s sake!

= For some reason, young Charles Phipps almost sounded a bit more closely to Sebastian. Maybe that’s just me.

= Present day Ciel doesn’t care about that anymore Lizzie, especially since he said that he said that was a long time and finds no reason to feel mad at her for recently saving their lives. AWW!! I seriously ship CielxLizzie (it is but one of many of my favorite BB ships)!! Kouhai: Sorry I don’t have a tissue [LMFAO! I wasn’t literally crying!]

= Sebastian laughing. I repeat! Sebastian is LAUGHING! And blushing?! HE IS BLUSHING!?! SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS IS COVERING HIS MOUTH AND LAUGHING WITH A TINY BIT FLUSH OF RED ON HIS FACE PEOPLE!!! *nosebleed* *audience laughter*

= Ciel totally calling Sebastian out to stop it with the laughing. That doesn’t mean you can stop US from laughing now does it, LOLZ.

= Sebastian, Ciel, Grell, and Ronald’s response to Aleister making them reenact his version of the Phoenix pose. *audience roaring laughter* First it was like ‘no, don’t kill him’, then later... ‘skrew dat, let’s just kill him’. LMFAO.

= HAHAHA!!! The Phoenix dance pose, Aleister Chamber style!!

= CIEL’S REACTION TO DOING IT AGAIN!!! PRICELESS!!!

= HOLY SHEEET UNDERTAKER!! MAJOR PLOT TWIST!! DUN DUN DUNNNN~!!!!

= What the heck are the corpses standing around for? Undertaker is explaining his big reveal and those soulless bodies aren’t attacking?!!

= Seriously Grell? Did you forget what happened in episode 18 of season 1 in Black Butler?

= Da heck! Added cinematic records... of Undertaker wearing a fake mustache!?! LMFAO!!

= THE ORIGINAL DEATH SCYTHE?!?! Love the design!

= Sebastian reaching out to grab Ciel’s hand scene...dead silent. Random audience member: “Why is it quiet?” *audience laughs* [to self: SHUDDUP! WE ALL KNOW WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!]. *cue all the fangirls shrieking* Me: “NO!! BASSY!!!” [yes I cried that out loud].

= Sebastian’s demonic sounding voice. *nosebleed* They seriously need to use that more often if the series picks in 5 or 10 or more seasons.

= THIS is why many fans believe Sebastian looks closely similar to Ciel’s father.

= Did he originally have regretting second thoughts of forming a contract with a young “brat” who couldn’t remember where his burnt down manor was located? LMFAO.

= Food magically appearing on the table. *sarcasm* Totally not suspicious. Lol, even Ciel called Sebastian out on that.

= Sebastian teaching Ciel to be proper and adult like while Ciel “teaches” him how to be more like a butler... namely making better tasting tea and meals. Seriously love seeing the developmental progress between the two.

= Ciel pouring tea into Sebastian’s hand... as payback for slapping his hands with a stick (or whatever that thing is called, idk). My word!

= A quick few second glimpse of Sebastian’s bedroom!! Sitting at his desk and writing down his own thoughts about Ciel. *internal fangirl intensifies, lolz*

= Is Ciel having a nightmare? I wanna cuddle him soo badly.

= “One hell of a butler”. AHH HE SAID IT!! *nosebleed* I can die happy now...wait, no I can’t, need to watch the rest of the movie.

= Sebastian wincing from the pain. THE FEELS! My little heart can’t take much more of this!

= Uh oh! The luxury ship is sinking quickly now! Time to go everybody!

= Soulless corpses surviving the freezing cold ocean water. [Why do I feel a hint of “The Walking Dead” vibe]

= Sebastian Michaelis vs Horde of Corpses round 2! Liek a bauss!

= Bassy coughing and panting to his injury. AWW!! Poor baby! [Why do I feel so turned on by this?! Answer: b/c of my soft spot for physical or emotional vulnerability]

= What exactly is that thing Ciel took from Undertaker and why is it of much importance?

= Ciel telling Sebastian to rest when they return to the manor. Why do I feel the urging desire to see anime Sebastian ‘sleeping’ or laying down in his bed or something?

= Kouhai blurted out loud “To be continued!” [Lol]

= End of movie scene: WILLIAM!!! Picking up Grell and Ronald with his garden trimmer death scythe... then goes to berating them on their performance and beating the sense out of them, lol.

= Grell, you beautiful silly person you! Swooning over William the second you wake up! He just got hauled you out of the ocean water and you go falling back in once again?! LMFAO! [I don’t know about you guys, but I had a sudden “Notice me sempai!” “Denied!” feeling at the moment]

 My Thoughts: Overall, the animation was utterly beautiful and soo well done. I seriously love the character design...obviously. There were boatloads of hilarious moments from start to finish, along with some heartfelt and tear jerker events particularly about Ciel and Elizabeth’s past memories. So far the only minor thing that bothered me was the mix of seeing both the 3D CGI animation with the 2D traditional hand-drawn animation. Being a visual-learner, I have become rather quick to notice the obvious difference between traditional 2D and cel shaded 3D animation. But that, however, DID NOT STOP ME from watching and enjoying the movie... and LOVING it to pieces. Oh, and additionally I’m a bit sad that it was a one day and one night time thing and only screened in very few theater locations. I understand how many Black Butler fan were sad that they will miss watching it because it was either far away from where they lived and/or were busy with other important matters to tend to such as jury duty, work, stuck in traffic, tending to family, etc. Not gonna lie, throughout majority of the movie my eyes were fixated on Sebastian whenever he was on screen. J. Michael Tatum voicing Sebastian just seriously made me fangasm (I’m obsessed, I know. But I can’t help myself. He’s HAWT!!!).

Rate: 100/10 [And yes I mean one hundred] It was amazing!! I LOVED IT TO BITS! Would so totally love to see it again, if possible. Can’t wait for it to come out on DVD (if it does)!

PS: OMG!! TOTALLY IRREVERENT BUT SOME ONE COSPLAYED AS EREN YEAGER!!

Black Butler Tag: @sebastianshoe

#black butler #black butler book of atlantic #book of the atlantic #black butler spoilers #black butler review #niponmirai02 #LOVED IT!! <3