#i started my new meds and they're not treating me well

[walpu]

Hello, first of all i want to say i really like your work and your writings 💞 Can i request some sickness headcanons with Aventurine when dating reader? Preferably hcs about how he would act if he was the one sick, and if the reader was sick. Thank you!

Thank you so much 🥹

Hope you'll enjoy it!

sickness headcanons with Aventurine

characters - Aventurine notes - gn!reader, hurt/comfort, no beta

I think Aven has a weak immune system due to the hardships he faced as a child. It's quite easy for him to catch a cold even if the weather is nice.

Hates it with a burning passion.

I mean it always sucks to be sick but he hates it for a bunch of other reasons as well.

It's time-consuming and he's a busy person, that's what he tells everyone.

And while it's true, the main reason is that he simply hates being so weak and vulnerable.

He has a private doctor who treats him but Aven doesn't fully trust them either.

He usually just takes his meds and tries to walk it off. Not like he can afford to take a day-off anyway.

When the two of you start dating and you notice that he doesn't feel well, he would try to brush it off. No big deal, baby. Just a bit tired. If we cuddle I'll get better <З

He trusts you, he truly does. However, it doesn't mean he wants you to see him miserable, weak and with a red stiffy nose. He doesn't like this image of himself so what if you won't like it either?

If he has a fever he will try to distance himself from you. Doesn't want you to get seek as well, he truly doesn't wish to be a cause of your discomfort.

Plus, what good can he give you when he's like that anyway? A bit off-topic but I just keep thinking about his "you can use me however you want me even betray me <З" line and his lunar new year card where he's like "yeahhh if you spend the day with me you'll be lucky for the rest of the year soooo" babygirl i promise you don't need to bribe me or be convenient just to have some company

Would never refuse your care though. Simply can't do it, he's a weak weak man. May whine a bit at the beginning, trying to convince you that this is not necessary, but as soon as you sooth him and maybe kiss his forehead he gives up completely.

Suddenly forgets all about the possibility of you getting sick if you keep being too close to him, will cling to you like a kitten.

"Your cuddles are the best medicine~" my ass.

Would follow all of your instructions even if they're questionable.

Wants to be spoon-fed too. Anddd tuck him in. And kiss his forehead. And stay by his side until he falls asleep.

He's needy okay. He never had anyone who would care for him when he's so weak so he cherishes every moment. May even get a bit upset when he's feeling better.

Would ask you to look after him for a few more days juts to make sure he's 10000% okay. Keep dotting on his tho because what if he'll get sick again because of the lack of cuddles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're the one who's seek he'll overreact.

Like even if it's the smallest thing, he'll insist on calling his own private doctor to check on you.

You're the best thing in his life, his promised dawn. Of course he'll look after you. Even if looking after you means being a clingy mother hen.

No excuses, he'll take care of you. Even if you have seen worse. Even if you're very busy. Even if it's not that big of a deal.

The problem is. He's never looked after a sick person before.

His every attempt to nurse you back to health is overwhelming. Tries every single method he can find in the internet so please stop him if needed.

Insists on cuddling you all of the time. Generally tries to do everything you do for him when he's sick since you're literally his only example.

If you receive too many work-related phone calls from someone he would not hesitate to pick up the phone before you and say that yeah y/n is busy right now, they are sick, so the optimal solution would be for the caller to deal with their own problems, surely they are not so helpless to rely on a sick person to do everything for them :)

Just wants for you to be alright as soon as possible.

#hsr #aventurine #hsr aventurine #aventurine x reader #honkai star rail #reader insert #walp's writing

[skk-fan-page]

I promise I took my meds, hear me out: this

Can give us insight into this

So: before we get into what it means, I'm going to tell you why these things are related. 15 is probably the best text we have when it comes to dissecting their relationship, and in 15, dazai says 2 things that relate to both raging romantic tension and also dogs.

This, as well as an arguably more loaded section:

This. Now bear with me, I really did take my meds, this second excerpt is almost a one to one copy of the dog treats panel. For those of you who have read 15, you'll know that this scene is the set up for chuuya being forced into the mafia. They duel, the "treats" (the sheep) appear, and then they disappear, and only when dazai walks away do both the dog and chuuya realize theyve been ensnared in a weirdly elaborate trap for someone who's supposed to not want anything to do with them.

Not only that, but it establishes that not only does he call chuuya his dog, but "his dog" is part of his future plans, and part of the reason he even has future plans.

Part of the reason that dazai wants to live at that point is to spend time with chuuya.

Now: with that we get back into the dog treat "duel".

First, I'll let you read it and draw your own links, as long as you promise to leave them in the notes

As a bsd reader, you'll probably know that dazai's plans often revolve around knowing what the other party will do. This is easily reflected in the dog encounter, because dogs don't know anything, and thus their behavior cannot be influenced to an unpredictable point. If you offer a dog a treat, you can count on that dog eating the treat. The problem is that dazai can't connect that motive to the dog's actions, because he specializes in dealings with egotistical people who rank highly in organizations who have massive flaws they overlook. Take him outside of his comfort zone, and he struggles to tilt things in his favor.

This analysis overlooks one teensy massive character trait that shapes the character: Dazai is the type to step on a rake, hit himself in the balls, and stick the landing so well that everyone thinks it was on purpose.

You can only tell what's "the plan" versus what is just improv by how hard he tries to sell that he's in control.

With this new lens, seeing how hard dazai tries to assert "the difference in [his status]" with the dog almost entirely colors the interaction as some sopping wet loser loses at his own game that he started against a small animal.

And now: how does this effect the skk reunion and how does it reflect on their previous relationship?

Well, I'm going to pull out some "oh holy shit... I mean, I meant to do that!" Moments

This man is going back and forth like it's his job. He doesn't know what to expect because chuuya is far beyond his comfort zone. Hes everything that should make him predictable, and yet he never is. Every time he's taken aback by his target not reacting the way he "should" he pulls another trick out from his sleeve. Even literally, in the lock picking case. Whenever he needs to try to assert that he totally planned this, he goes for another trick.

As with the dog, when dazai walks away, the only thing chuuya was left with was a distinct sense of "this guy needs friends." They're both low stakes interactions that are born from dazai not expecting something and not knowing how to regain control of the situation.

This implies that dazai just doesn't know how to deal with a straightforward person and thus can never predict what chuuya will do, because he runs on an unswayable internal logic that makes him as difficult to manipulate as a human can possibly be.

As a partnership, they're constantly confusing the fuck out of each other, because dazai is weird and eats dog treats, and because chuuya cannot be understood with the logic dazai excels in.

They know each other but they can never hope to understand each other.

#skk #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd skk #soukoku

[lord-yabadoo-rules-all]

Hello hello everyone!! Long time no see :) I've had this frans in my head for YEARS...I started the character design sheet last year (or was it two years ago?) but recently decided to get off my ass and finish it! So here's a product of hard, August work!

I'm kinda sad to see so many of my frans peers gone, but I hope they're doing well! While I probably won't be some huge online presence going forwards, I'm still excited to support the new gen while I can!

ANYWAYS!! This is my interpretation of HT frans! (og creator @/horrortalecomic) that takes place around a decade after Frisk's escape from the underground. Their life kinda goes downhill fast though, as the combined survivor's guilt, insane trauma after battling the horror known as Omega Flowey, and the sheer lack of a support system just kinda destroys them in that period of time. I won't dwell too much on that time period, though! After moving away from the og Mt. Ebbot city, Frisk gets their fresh start, regularly going to therapy, taking their PTSD meds, managing a pretty popular bookshop downtown, and living with their super supportive roomates!

...And then the monsters are freed, which does throw Frisk into a whirlwind, but after a year or two they feel pretty safe. No monsters seemed to have moved to their city (especially since the monster population is significantly smaller than it was before), so everything would be okay. Until that fateful day...

here they are! fyi frisk's skin, eye and hair colour (except for the blonde streaks) apply to all my frisks now!

I'll add some info here i couldn't fit in the tags! -> They have a fun coworker dynamic where Frisk does NOT know he doesn't remember them so they're constantly walking on eggshells around him.

-> Frisk: Oh god he's after me he followed me for revenge but I deserve it oh god he's so mad at me

-> Sans: wow my manager is so kind and pretty and fun :)

-> Also sans is going to therapy, specifically to treat his memory problems,, so we don't know how long his positive view of Frisk will last...

#undertale #frans #frisk x sans #horrortale #my art #undertale au #HTyabadoo #sans #frisk #also yeah all of my frisk's are enby #they don't care much ab pronouns tho! #also they are all thai now <3 #i wanted to give frisk good style but they're kinda adam sandler core :( sorry guys #dw they can still dress up nice dw! #also YES they have a skeleton tattoo on their right hand #they also constantly wear the locket they got from the underground under their shirt #also because this is MY horrortale AU i decree that Omega Flowey found a way to bring back Asgore's soul with his super cool powers #And Frisk used his soul (as well as the other human souls i suppose) to cross the barrier #weird side effect! now frisk has kind of a part of asgore in their soul #and can kinda see him sometimes #he's kinda their dad atp #will elaborate further maybe #sans is just kinda sans but he's a bit more quiet #still likes to make jokes #but he's a bit overwhelmed with living on the surface #so he's not like murderous #nor is he extremely sad #he's just pretty tired #also he hides his cracked skull with hats #while he's trying to find some sciency job and figuring out qualifications he applies to this bookstore

[mywritingonlyfans]

The Car's about you. // Alex Turner X Reader.

Filling the request: I know you haven't been writing much but I'd like you to consider writing something with Alex where they're split but he dedicates the whole new album to her. pls 🥺🙏

Words: 3,4K.

(gif's by tedystaleva)

"Al?" Your worried filled the room, making Alex, even if tired, slowly open his eyes to you.

"Why're you 'ere?" He wasn't harsh, his tone was soft and you felt like you could cry in front of him for missing his voice so much.

Trying to avoid curiosity for what was to come, as well as the tension, Jamie, who had forced you there, replied, "Well, since you don't want to listen to us, we bring her to you." He shrugged, as if it was obvious Alex needed you in a predicament of his even though you weren't together anymore.

Thanking you, Jamie kissed your forehead and left, leaving you and Alex, who was pale and somewhat thinner, in nothing but silence that was deafening.

"You look terrible." Your face shuddered, making him mentally conclude that he'd still rather be in pain than see you going through it.

"Thank you," he laughed humorlessly, avoiding any pre-concert efforts.

His eyes squeezed shut as he sat down on the couch, refusing to let himself believe he felt a little dizzy. He was always stubborn, he knew that, just as he was sure that if you asked him to treat himself better, he would.

"When it started, Al?" You knelt down in front of him, sensing his temperature by his forehead and neck. Your eyes avoided looking directly into his, something that cut him like a knife.

Ignoring the answer, since both knew the answer to it all, he asked what had been on his mind since the release, "Did you hear the new album?"

You bit your lip, taking a deep breath. You adjusted his blazer and allowed yourself to look at him, his eyes drooping, looking tired but he was still your Alex, you would never forget that. You stroked his curls, which were shorter since you last saw him, and you felt better to see him snuggle into your touch.

"Not yet, Al," he looked disappointed.

You took off your cardigan, duly oversized as usual, and draped it over him. More relaxed, he sighed in relief because you were there for him.

"I brought some medicine that might help, could you take some before the concert?" You asked as if he were a child.

Before you could get them out of your bag, he grabbed your hand.

"It's just a cold, I can handle it."

"Can you really?" You raised your eyebrows, ready to give a sermon but then retreated, remembering that he was nothing yours anymore. Still, he expected to see you mad at him for not taking care of himself, not doing the right things and choices, he missed that. "It's only getting worse, Al. You know that, otherwise Jamie wouldn't have called me countless times." Your voice was quiet, on an exhausted sigh. It was hard to say if you couldn't bear to hear from him or you were tired of seeing him mistreating himself and having to hear such reports from people close to him. Your serenity, even when you were mad at him, was one of the things he loved about you, even in fights it was clear how much you only exploded when it was to show how much you care and can't tolerate that anymore.

"I 'ate Jamie," He wrinkled his nose, reaching for your meds.

"You love the boys for taking care of you." You smiled in victory and he couldn't help but smile to you.

"How're you feelin'? Don't you think that continuing to sing and movin' to another country all the time will harm you?" He wanted to hate you for those questions, but he couldn't. Touring kept his mind busy and he enjoyed it, however, it was obvious you were right.

He rubbed his eyes hard, stretching his body. "Tired, not tired of not bein' able to sing, but I feel like my voice is startin' to feel like I'm feelin' different. My chest hurts, I feel weak and sometimes it's 'ard to breathe."

"And you're sure it's just a cold?" You asked in disbelief as he coughed dryly. "And you're puttin' up with all this without even taking a pill?"

He nodded. Sometimes he felt like he deserved it, for example, when you came to his mind late at night and he remembered that he just let you go without doing anything about it.

"You are hurtin' people 'round you, in addition to takin' chances with your voice," you didn't proceed, you just kept reflective.

"Do I 'urt you by doin' this?"

Swallowing hard, you replied, "let's just say it's not nice to hear that you're away from most of your family and friends and you're hurting yourself by being stubborn, Alex."

There was silence, this time far from uncomfortable. You avoided looking at each other for a few moments until that failed, soon he had taken your hand and when you didn't pull back, he felt a shred of hope left.

"Are you stayin' for the concert? You need to 'ear the new album, and it sounds like a good opportunity..." he suggested, refusing to put it off any longer.

"Al," Before you could continue, he interrupted himself.

"That'll be the last one before I seek for help. You stay and I'll see the doctor."

"Promise?" You asked in a low voice, weak smile. "Like tomorrow?"

"Do you want me to see a doctor tomorrow?"

"Yeah, if you're already goin' to make me stay here for longer," he bit his lip with a bitter reminder that you weren't his anymore and there was no point in you sticking around for several days. Still, he felt like a failure knowing that your plans didn't involve seeing the concert, but just convincing him of something he knew he should be doing. He was afraid that you weren't there for him, but rather, for fear of the boys' insistence, as if he was going to die if he didn't get any help. "I want to know what you have, and what you're going to need to do, okay? If you need rest, you go rest and take some days off!"

He nodded, still laughing humorlessly. His eyes followed you as you got up, gathering your things for yourself and leaving him with only the warmth of your cardigan, that luckily had your essence to comfort him.

"You'll be 'round?" He asked, hoping you'd tell him where you were staying. He imagined coming to you after the concert, but you were smarter.

"I do not know yet," you refused to look at him. He knew you, he knew you were meticulous enough to already have everything planned out for the trip, as you probably thought a thousand times before going to him, and knowing you so well had never hurt him so much. You didn't want to deal with him. "I think I better go, I'll see you in a few, Al," He nodded with a funereal smile.

"See ya, lil' one," his tone was sad, it no longer seemed worth trying to hide it.

Sighing deeply, before leaving you answered about the album, "I'm dying to hear you sing again, but I can't since the last time. I can't bring myself to listen to the new release because I hate to think about you and wonder how you are, it's hard enough to deal with the band being all over the place because of engagement over the album. I hope you understand, it wasn't my bad will, I would have called you after listening to it, I believe it's nothing but amazing like almost everything you do, Al. I just couldn't put myself to it." Leaving a speechless Alex, you got out, feeling your eyes fill with tears as Jamie and Matthew stopped you.

"He's great?" It was funny how general the question was but you knew what he wanted to hear.

"Yeah, he'll be. He told me he's going to see someone tomorrow, he's taken some medicine and he's not going to cancel today's concert. He doesn't look well at all, I don't think he'll be advised to stick to this routine any longer." You said with difficulty, feeling a lump in your throat. You wanted to catch the next flight back home and just call him the next day and ask how everything went, but you had promised him.

"I feel relieved that he's going to see one, we've been talkin' 'bout it for weeks and he won't listen to us." Jamie continued, making you only then, in the midst of your bewildered head, realize that he was the one who asked.

"I'm going to my room, I need to sort out some things from work," you tried to get away.

"You're stayin'?" Matthew asked, looking you up and down strangely. "For Alex?" He frowned.

"I don't know," you knew you would, but you didn't know the answer to that. It was hard to tell if you were doing this for him or for yourself or out of fear.

Matthew looked at Jamie, in a boyish smile so characteristic of him. "You haven't heard the album, huh?" Jamie rolled his eyes but seeing you agreeing, Matthew's satisfaction made sense. You could tell there had been some sort of inside joke/understanding between them.

"Why?" The obsession with the questions about the album was already starting to feel like something wrong.

"Nothing, I think, if I were you I wouldn't have listened either. Alex's a dickhead." You just nodded.

Without you've even said anything, producers called their name and they had to go, they left laughing amongst themselves like a derivative of an 'I told you so' before leaving you with cozy hugs and kisses on the forehead. You missed them, no more than Alex, but you did.

------

Knowing where he was was suffocating, he was downstairs, in the number of which now rang in your head. The urge to call or come down to see if he was feeling better was almost maddening, yet you remained still, quiet uneasy, with Jamie's short messages updating you on things. You could imagine Jamie saying how much you still cared for Alex to him, but you were unable to try to guess how Alex felt about it.

You had opened Google a couple of times, typing in their name and threatening to open any album information. Your courage was gigantic, but you didn't want to risk hearing Alex's voice, didn't even want to think about how you were going to put up with an entire concert of theirs in a few.

When you opened the cover of the new album online, passing your eyes quickly over the names of the songs, you gave up, locking your screen and putting it aside. Deep down you wanted to hear it, obviously, but you knew how good Alex was at describing feelings, and while you suspected you weren't described in them, you didn't really want to know. This could hurt more than you would ever imagine, and you didn't want that.

"Would you be able to arrange tea for after the night? Maybe lemon, ginger or even eucalyptus?" You offered a smile to the producer who was at the side of the stage minutes before it started, trying your best not to look like a boring nutcase.

The man looked to you quickly, returning to his duties. "I can work on it. Anything else?"

You were surprised, not expecting such an answer, and then you continued with the same affectionate expression as if you had been a puppy that fell out of the moving truck. "Maybe warm water bottles and some hot towels too?" You smiled wider, "I don't wanna be a pain, he's just not feeling too well."

"It's fine," the man nodded. "You're Alex's girlfriend, right?"

You didn't say anything, and before you could think to deny it, he cut you off. "You guys did such a great job on the new album."

-----

With the man's words still ringing in your head, you walked to the side of the stage, seeing Jamie looking at you and Matthew smiling when he saw you, waving his drumstick lightly. They were probably already on the second or third song.

Alex hadn't noticed you, and as stunned as you were, it took you a while to actually hear and make his words coherent.

He was in your black cardigan from earlier, covering his light blue shirt. His hands were in the air, his voluminous hair blowing and the dark glasses in his eyes made him look even more perfect; as usual. However, it was inevitable not to notice how his voice was different, cracked and tired, and his movements seemed slower than usual, anyone could tell he was trying too hard to be there.

It was all just as dizzying as you thought it would be, the pain in your heart was real, knowing that you didn't belong there anymore.

"… And if we guess who I'm pretending to be/Do we win a prize?/Having attempted twice, both incorrectly/Do we get a third try?…"

Your mouth hovered open, recognizing those words that eventually composed into a melody. You had written that for him, on a napkin during a trip supposed to be relaxing for both of you. Only then, you started to absorb every phrase from the songs, making sure you took note of every new one that he was going to sing.

As the lyrics went on, your eyes filled with tears, Alex hadn't failed to bring nostalgia to it all, it was like you could transport yourself back to that day, having him wake you up with wet kisses in the morning, brunch at the hotel already with bathing suits and the incessant indirect due insecurities. His voice was painful, even in the older songs, and something told you it wasn't just because he was unwell.

"But now the orchestra's got us all surrounded/And I cannot for the life of me remember how they go,"

Your heart squeezed again, not only the line, but also the words, which often seemed disconnected to many, made complete sense to you; as if they were actually made with you in mind.

And by following with, "Whilst wonderin' if your mother still ever thinks of me," completed by, "So predictable, I know what you're thinkin'/I'm watching your every move/I feel the tears are coming on/It won't be long/It won't be long." Not only did you burst into tears, but you cursed yourself for thinking that in all this time, he didn't care about you or that he'd ever be able to keep memories of yourself with him.

Alex had no idea you were there, amidst the dark and fervent flashes of light, he couldn't identify you, though you could tell his lost gaze was searching for you.

With silent tears running down your chin and almost blinding you, before the concert could come to an end, you looked around for familiar faces. You needed a copy of the album.

"Hey, hey," as a signal, James gripped your shoulders. "Are you okay? Does Alex know you're here?"

You shook your head, not quite sure whether you were saying yes or no, but he understood that your answer was that you couldn't say.

"It's just that's, huh, if something happened to you Alex would kill us." That phrase, with Alex's voice singing Humbug songs, brought back damn flashbacks to how Alex always made sure you were okay when you visited on tour, he made such a big deal out of it, since he knew how introverted you could get sometimes. At the moment, you felt ungrateful.

"I'm good," you pushed back the tears, so more could take up space. "I really need to see the album, do you have it with you?" He nodded, forcing himself to ignore your shaky voice.

He pulled out The Car, in a completely paper cover, as a mere sampler, and placed it in your hands, making sure that the ones that were selling were the same as those printed.

Out of breath in your lungs, you flipped through it quickly, seeing right on the first page one, "With all love and admiration, this is dedicated, as well as co-writing, to my girl." And just below that was your name, in full.

You thought you weren't capable of crying even more, but it was impossible to help. You could feel your face bloated and the salty taste wash over you. Still not fully aware of your senses, you flipped through the lyrics, confirming that each one of them had your name on it, as if you had worked on it together, something that never happened. He had paid attention to details/lines/memories and then described, and yes, it was all about you.

Before the concert was over, it wouldn't be possible to read all of them in full, but what you saw and heard was more than enough. At that, you grabbed the copy of the album, which was now marked with your tears, and walked back to where you were earlier. Watching them wave goodbye and promising to be back soon while you didn't back down from going after Alex.

As in a scene from a movie, Matthew held Alex's shoulders, directing him towards you, who was failing to stop your tears.

Al's tired eyes seemed to take on a new sparkle, but the moment he noticed your state, his face darkened. Seeing the album in your hand, he knew, but before he could even question it, you were already thrown into him. Your arms laced around his neck and your feet on tiptoe as you squeezed him with all your capacity, and he hugged you back as if he could take your pain for him. And suddenly, the knot in your throat felt tighter and it burned, if before you cried silently now you were imperceptible like a sobbing monster.

"Hey, lil' one," he pushed your hair back to try to see your face, an act that was totally in vain. You buried your head in his chest, holding him to you in fear that you might lose him. "Don't cry, babe, c'mon, tears is one thing that shouldn't be on your face."

"I'm sorry, I'm really am," your body shook as he held your face, kissing the salty drops that insisted on falling. Looking at you like that suffocated him, so his eyes were also filled with water.

"It was nobody's fault, we know that." His forehead pressed against yours, curls messy and clinging to your hair. His nose brushed yours, he refused to take any steps away from you. "It's in the past, right?" he asked through his ragged breaths. You still felt his body as warm as earlier, you still wanted to gift-wrap Al and send him home with you to London, forcing him to take care of himself.

You closed your eyes, enjoying his touch on you. It felt like there was no one else there but you. He kept his hands cupping your face and due to your delay in responding, he lifted your chin towards him. "I hope you weren't upset by the album, it was like a gift to you, I thought you deserved somethin' special. Oh, and it's not plagiarism, I gave you the credits." He kissed your cheek, so subtly, as if you were going to slip through his fingers.

You nodded, you had liked it enough to be there for him, just as you still loved him immensely to have made such a trip to him after hearing how badly he was doing.

"I need you, Al," and it was all you said to feel his lips on yours, his strong arms, yet so gentle, pulling you to him as you took your time amid the salty tears. The feeling was the same, as if you had never been apart.

Minutes later, you were interrupted by applause from the boys and some technicians. You laughed sheepishly and Alex bowed, pretending to thank the tiny audience.

"Stay with me?" He whispered in your ear, hugging you from the side.

"'til you get better?" You kissed his nose, laughing.

"Well, yeah," he wrapped you to himself again, fitting his head to the top of yours, "but also, until we recover the absence of all wasted time."

You smile wider, "I'm all yours, Al."

#alex turner #alex turner x reader #arctic monkeys #alex turner fanfic #alex turner imagine #alex turner x y/n #alex turner x you

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I(26nb) stopped answering my ex (27nb) or asked them to stop messaging me?

They aren't asking to get back together. A while back, my partner dumped me bc we just weren't talking as much, were into different things, and drifted apart. Normal stuff people break up over all the time. They told me there was no hard feelings on their end, and I was the same. It was kind of a bummer but the fact that I wasn't especially upset was evidence the relationship was dead at that point.

At the time, my New Ex™️ asked if I needed space or if it would be okay to check in on me from time to time and make sure I was okay because, even though I said I was fine, they were worried about the effect this would have on my mental health. I'm clinically depressed and they were aware things had gotten pretty drastic years before we even met, but the entire time we knew each other I was stable, and even when I was low I wasn't a danger to myself. I have meds and a good therapist and a lot of practice with coping strategies, I'm good to go, I got a handle on myself before we met and I still have a handle on myself now. Obviously mental health isn't a guaranteed thing and just because I'm currently okay doesn't mean I always will be, but I have the tools to handle it when needed.

All this to say, when they asked if they could check up on my mental health, I was a little taken aback, wondering if they thought this would drive me to something extreme and if so why would they think that. I assured them that I was fine, totally stable and doing well and they had nothing to worry about, but I'd like to stay friends so sure, message me whenever you want.

I figured they'd check in on me in the immediate aftermath, which they did, but I thought that once that aftermath had passed they would go back to messaging me more conversationally, if at all. But since then, they keep doing "check in's" every few weeks to make sure I'm okay. This is not something they did when we were dating. I've been playing along because I'm the one who said it was okay, but I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about it?

Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it rubs me the wrong way that they only message me to do these check-ins, as if they think I'm going to fly off the deep end because we broke up. As if messaging me isn't having a convo with a friend but is instead some sort of wellness check they're obligated to perform. Like I said, I was taken aback to begin with by the implications of this, but now that they're still treating me like that months later, it's kind of pissing me off.

They literally just say "checking in" and nothing else, and they don't seem keen to converse otherwise. It gives me wellness check vibes which bothers me because I'm not in crisis, I've never been in crisis while they've known me, and them dumping me certainly didn't change that. I cannot emphasize enough that even when I was deep in depressive lows while we dated, it was never their job to do this sort of thing and they only started doing it after we broke up. It feels like they think I'm too weak or too unstable to actually be okay without them, even though I've repeatedly said that I'm currently thriving and to my knowledge there's no reason for them to think I'm currently a danger to myself.

Part of me wants to just start ignoring the messages but I'm worried that if this person thinks I'm so at-risk they need to keep checking on me months and months after dumping me, they might assume the worst if I just stop answering. The rest of me wants to just ask them to knock it off, but in that case I'm worried I'll come off as defensive and unreasonable, like I'm being offended over someone caring about my wellbeing, or that my frustration with this behaviour will make it come off harsher than I want it to. I don’t want to attack them for being worried about me, even if I find the degree of worry a bit insulting at this point.

My ex does not have an anxiety disorder and is not an anxious person at all. I have never threatened to do anything to myself in the time they've known me, and my reaction to the breakup was very calm and casual. I don’t know why they're acting like this, but it feels... I dunno, infantilizing? Condescending? I don’t know how exactly to describe it other than that it kind of feels like a slap in the face after the years and years of work I put into getting to this point with my mental health, none of which I needed them or even knew them for.

Would I be the asshole if I asked them to stop and was honest about why? Should I just ask them to stop and not elaborate? But then, if they ask, I don't want to lie, but maybe this is a situation where honesty isn't the best policy? Should I keep my mouth shut because they aren't actually doing anything wrong and I'm the one who said I fine with them checking on me? I was fine with it in the short-term, if a bit confused, but I never imagined it would still be going on months later.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[tragicxensemble]

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One More Chance (At Love) (Pt.1/?)

Slowburn Mark Sloan x Reader x George O'Malley

TW/CW: Mentions of medical terms and just overall Grey's anatomy gore, social anxiety/ anxiousness, Christina being passive-aggressive to the reader of you squint, Love triangle, jump cuts

Disclaimer/Summary:

‼️ SEASON 2 SPOILERS!! ‼️

AJ's a new intern at Seattle Grace Hospital and the niece of Miranda Bailey. She has an average reputation and never heard of 'McSteamy' a.k.a Mark Sloan upon moving to Seattle and working at Seattle Grace. Not understanding the hype around him nor falling for his charm, he ends up falling first and hard because he thinks she's "hard to get". He tries his best to flirt with her but to no avail, because she never picks up on any of those social cues to realize that he has been flirting with her the entire time because of her being neurodivergent (specifically AuDHD). Besides Mark, there's also someone else who has been eyeing AJ since they met.

Ps: This is mostly a self-insert but you can still read and enjoy this!! It's been a while since I've made a fic and I think it's time for a fresh start :). This takes place in mid-season 2 (specifically episode 9, a month before the Thanksgiving part of the episode starts then jumpcuts to the events of the Thanksgiving episode) to around the end of season 3. There are a lot of jump cuts in this fic and rhe reader is black

Wc: 3.4k

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@spexialvixtimxunit @verytalented

Seattle Grace Hospital. A hospital filled with opportunities and so much drama that it could be a full-course meal. That is, of course, if you're interested in having surgeries and nonstop sleepless nights on the menu. If so, then sign me up. Having the opportunity to work in the same hospital as my Aunt was a blessing and a curse. She knew that I was studying to become a surgeon, but what she didn't know was that I would be working in the same hospital as her. The other interns around me called her 'The Nazi' but I simply called her Auntie Mandy.

No one knew that she was my aunt so they had no room to treat me differently because of my association with her. I deserved to be in that surgical program just as much as they did. I worked my ass off to become a well-respected doctor, not a punching bag for bottomless insults. So, my strategy to survive the internship came in 3 easy rules. A guide that I follow every day.

1. Befriend the Nurses.

This step was relatively easy. I'm always kind to everyone I meet unless they give me a reason to be mean. Plus, I would hate to get stuck on doing rectal exams or sutures for hours on end just because I pissed a nurse off. They're human beings just like me and deserve equal respect because it took them years of med school to get to where they are.

2. Keep to myself and only speak when spoken to (a.k.a practically become invisible to almost everyone unless I'm given instructions to complete a task.)

Now, this step is a relatively difficult one to follow. I have no clue who I will encounter upon being on Auntie Mandy's service and they would make my experience at SG unpredictable. I won't let them get to know me upon surface-level things about me. It's too risky for them to find out even the smallest incriminating detail about me. I'll just have to wait for the right moment to tell anyone that Bailey is my Aunt.

And lastly, my most hated rule.

3. NEVER unmask, unless necessary.

Masking in itself is extremely difficult. If I show any sign of my neurodivergence to neurotypicals who don't understand what it's like to hide parts of yourself every day 24/7, I'm looking at weeks of being a laughing stock and judged by everyone. Even though this is a possibility, the road to being a surgeon is never easy for anyone.

So, with that being said you would say that I have 3 impossible rules to follow. I would have to try my absolute hardest to not expose myself but also to be on top of my game in this program if I want to make it in the real surgical world.

-------

My alarm rings at the ripe time of 5 am. I had to be at the hospital by 7:00 am before 7:30 am rounds started and before I could officially be assigned to my resident. I knew before today that I was going to be assigned to Auntie Mandy because of the letter in the mail a few weeks ago declaring my official internship and transfer to Seattle Grace. As well as what day I would start working. Transferring hospitals is like transferring schools, you have to start all over again in a new place. New environment. With completely new people. People who are already used to each other and probably friends with each other. Whereas I'm the new kid, the outcast. The kid that sits alone during lunch while everyone has already created their cliques.

I took a few deep breaths before getting out of bed to stop myself from becoming anxious at the thought of all the wrong outcomes that could happen. I made sure to pack comfort snacks the night before and an emergency meltdown/overstimulation bag that consisted of earplugs, a few small but effective fidget toys, compactable noise-canceling headphones, and an mp3 player that has my comfort songs on speed dial. I made my bed, as I usually do to start my morning. Following up on that, I meditated and did yoga for an hour and a half. It's a way to calm and ground myself before I tackle whatever the day brings me.

I did my morning routine and skin care before heading back to my room, to change into my outfit.

By this time it was already 6:40 am. I had enough time to spare to moisturize my locs and bring a scrunchie with me so that I could put my hair up when needed at work. I made sure to grab my messenger bag and my snacks for the long shift and promptly left my apartment at 6:50 am. The drive to work was roughly 15 minutes but ended up being 20 minutes with traffic. I didn't live far away from the hospital, which was alright in my opinion. I arrived there at 7:05 am and began to park. After I parked and got out of the car, a motorcyclist drove up loud and parked 2 spots away from me.

Right in the middle of my car and the motorcycle came another car with 2 women and a guy who I'd assume knew the female motorcyclist because the group of 4 joined each other and I began walking into the building behind them. Mid-walk, another guy joins the group after what I'd assume was his morning jog. He was huffing and saying something I couldn't make out because of me keeping my distance from them so that they wouldn't assume that I was following them even though I was. I had no freaking clue on where anything in this ginormous hospital was. Sure I had a tour of the hospital but it's so easy to forget the layout when I've only been in it once.

While we waited for the elevator I quietly said, "Excuse me," as I tapped the shoulder of a brown-haired guy with cute doe eyes. He stopped talking with the blonde-haired woman and turned to face me. "I'm sorry, but could you help direct me to the surgical locker room? I'm not entirely sure where it is." As I was speaking the rest of the group turned to look at me, which was not intimidating in any way. (Yes it was.) "Yeah sure, We're actually on our way there." says the doe-eyed guy. "I'm George O'Malley by the way, that's Izzie Stevens, Alex Karev, Meredith Grey, and Christina Yang. We're all surgical interns." George introduced the names to the faces of everyone and I hoped for the best that I could remember their names.

"Oh, I'm AJ. AJ Brown. I'm also an intern here. It's my first day." I spoke. "What! That's cool, we could show you around sometime!" Izzie said as the elevator dinged. I nodded and followed their lead and got on the elevator with them, standing near the back of it. I listened as they talked about how their mornings went. The elevator stopped at the second floor. After making a few turns into the corridors, we finally made it to the locker room.

"What's your locker number?" Meredith asked as she began to walk to her locker. "Uh, it's G - 23," I responded as I looked around at my surroundings. Everyone was already getting changed. "Oh, nice you have a locker next to me!" Izzie smiled. The digital clock on the wall read 7:15 am, there was enough time to change into my scrubs and have my pager and stethoscope ready. As I was putting my shoes on Meredith spoke to me, "So, AJ, where are you from?" She asked as she closed her locker door. "Oh, I'm from a small town in Illinois," I answered. "What's a city girl like you doing all the way here in rainy ol' Seattle? Besides to work here?" Alex chimed in, "Family, stuff." I spoke shortly, in hopes of ending the conversation.

"That's nice that you can be near family here. Also, who's service are you on?" Izzie asked. "I have Dr. Bailey," I spoke as I stood up while closing my locker. "Awesome, she has the Nazi too." Christina deadpanned as they all began to finish up. "Christina, be nice!" Meredith nudged Christina's arm and tried her best to whisper that to her but failed. "We can show you where she is today." The group leaves the locker room and I trail behind them to find my Aunt.

We head to the elevator and we make it to the third floor, where we come to a spacious waiting area and a front desk that I'd assume contained charts and other important patient information. Among the crowd of people walking around stood Auntie Mandy, writing in a chart binder at the front desk. "Good morning Dr. Bailey." They all said one by one, before George spoke, "I think we have a new intern with us that's on your service." That sparked her to look up from the chart. "New intern? What new intern?" She said almost with an attitude. They all miraculously parted like the Red Sea to reveal my presence to her.

"Well, I'll be damned! If it isn't AJ!" Bailey replied with a smile before running up to hug me, which shocked the group as if they had never seen her act sweet towards anyone. She released me from her grasp and said, "I had no idea they were assigning you to my service! How's your mom? I know everyone must miss me back there in Illinois." Bailey chirped. I hesitated and replied shortly, "Everyone's fine and they do." I laughed awkwardly. "Wait? How do you know Dr. Bailey and how does she know you?" Christina asked, answering the burning question that was floating around in everyone's head.

"She's-" Before Dr. Bailey could finish her sentence our pagers went off. Talk about being saved by the bell. Or beep in this case. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in as we all began to follow Bailey's orders on where to be assigned. George ended up being the one to be my guide for the day as I helped him with patients and got used to doing checkups and filling out charts for a few hours. After that, Bailey assigned George to teach me how to run labs and work on sutures in the pit, as well as prescribing actual medicine to the patients. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime.

"Hey, would you like to have lunch with me? I'm usually with everyone because we all eat together sometimes." George asked softly as we headed to the cafeteria I assumed. "Uh, sure." I agreed. I brought a simple lunch with me, a turkey sandwich, apple slices, and carrots. While George offered to buy me apple juice. As I began to sit down next to George, Christina let out a loud groan and said lowly to herself, "Why did George invite someone we barely know to lunch, it's like she's his pet or something." This time Merideth kicked Christina's leg under the table, which caused her to verbally say 'ow' in response.

Upon hearing that comment, before I could start eating I got up and excused myself by saying, "I think left my pager in my locker. I'm gonna go get it." I grabbed all of my things and left immediately, what did I expect from a bunch of strangers? I found an empty hallway with abandoned beds and I ate in silence.

George's POV

AJ grabbed her things and speed walked away. Christina scoffed and spoke, "Looks like she ran off to go find her mommy, Dr. Bailey," Everyone let out laughs at Christina's 'joke' if you even call it that. "Enough!" I yelled as I slammed my hands on the table, "She has been nothing but nice to you guys and this is how you treat her on her first day? People deserve chances and you guys never even gave her that option to one." I grabbed the rest of my lunch and stormed off in hopes of finding AJ, before hearing out what everyone was going to say to my brief speech.

AJ's POV

I was almost done eating my lunch when I heard a familiar voice say, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" It was George. What a relief. "You have?" I said as I finished the last of my apple slices before I threw away the remaining trash. "Look, I'm sorry that they were mean to you, they don't like new people coming into their space." George apologized before he sat somewhat next to me. "You don't have to apologize for them George, it's not your place to apologize for them." I feigned a smile to try to reassure him.

"Sometimes they make fun of me too. And I wonder if they're my friends or if I'm convincing myself that they are," George confessed. "Well, can you be yourself when you're around them?" I questioned. George didn't answer. "If you have to think about it for a long time then maybe you should reconsider if they are your friends. Real friends don't make fun of you for being you. They appreciate your uniqueness and don't judge you." I declared. "It seems like you're a friend expert." I laughed a little at his comment. "I've had a lot of friends but never kept any of them so I know what it's like." I spoke truthfully, "Thanks for the lunch, George." I thanked him before I walked away once again.

-----

By that evening, my hands and feet were tired from walking and constantly talking to all the people. I desperately needed time to recharge my social battery because I could feel myself starting to get overstimulated. The lights were starting to get too bright and the bustling noise could make anyone go insane. I had a few minutes to myself in the on-call room so I spent it playing with my Tangle fidget toy and listening to a playlist of my favorite Michael Jackson songs in the dark while lying down on one of the beds on the bottom bunk. Needless to say, I ended up falling asleep for a good hour before I faintly heard the door open.

"AJ, wake up, Dr. Bailey needed me to find you," George said as he tapped my shoulder in an attempt to wake me. I groaned before sitting up on my elbows and glaring at him for waking me up, "I'm sorry to wake you but she needs more hands in the pit." He confessed which caused me to roll my eyes. I nodded before shoving my MP3 player and fidget toy down in my lab coat pocket. I put my shoes back on while George watched and we both headed out to the pit together.

Only a few more hours to go.

------

My first 12-hour shift was finally over. The aching in my feet was beyond compare even though I had comfortable shoes on made for walking. I went back to the locker room to change and I found myself left with a few people and George changing near me. "Are you autistic? I mean, if you are that's okay with me. I won't tell the others if you don't want to tell them so that they don't make fun of you. I'm not saying that they will but they can be mean sometimes. Well, not Izzie. Wait no, Izzie can be mean sometimes but not in-" I just stared at him until he finished rambling.

"Sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to assume or anything. It's just that I-" George began again before I stopped him. This must have been on his mind all day. "Yes, I'm autistic and I have Adhd as well. And I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone because I don't want any attention on me about it. People will treat me differently." I shrugged it off to George as I grabbed my bag. "Can I ask why?" George said as he sat down on the bench. "Why what?" I replied, not looking at him. "Why don't you want to tell anyone?" I let out a huff and closed the locker before I faced him.

"This is breaking my rules," I mumbled, "Rules? What do you mean?" There was confusion in his voice but I could hear that he wanted to understand. "Ever since I was a kid, I always knew that I was different. I never had a lot of friends growing up and I never was invited to birthday parties because of how people treated me for being different. I don't normally spill my life to people I just met but I feel like I can trust you. I've been judged about my diagnosis of AuDHD. There's no point in trying to be myself when I can be what people expect me to be."

"But doesn't that get tiring? Having to mask all the time?" He asked and I nodded quickly. "It's hard to get a break and for people to not stare at me when I stim and fidget," I said disappointingly, "But what do I expect?" I shrugged it off and began to make my way to the door. "It's hard being myself in a room full of people who don't get you, but thanks anyway for trying to understand George, have a good night."

And with that, I once again walked away. It's becoming a habit now.

------

(A month later, at the start of episode 9)

------

Izzie had invited me over to help cook and decorate the house for Thanksgiving. I wore a simple outfit, a black long sleeve with denim jeans and black Converse. My favorite brand of shoes.

When I arrived I was greeted by Izzie rushing to get me inside. "I need you to get George for me, he's upstairs and he's supposed to be helping me cook but he hasn't left his room yet," Izzie said frantically. "Oh, okay. Um. Where exactly is his room? I've never been here before." I said while taking off my leather jacket and Izzie hanging it up for me.

"It's up the stairs, down the hall, and to the right." I listened to her directions and I reached George's room. I gently knocked on the door and waited for a reply. "Come in!" George said from the other side. I carefully opened it and saw him fully clothed on his bed with his eyes shut. "Why are you just lying on your bed?" I spoke as I closed his door behind me. He quickly opened his eyes, not knowing it was me.

"AJ! I- when did you get here?" He hurried and sat up to look at me. "I got here just now, not too long ago. You know Izzie wants you downstairs to help right?" I sat down on the end of his bed before he plopped back down with a huff. "I know but I'm afraid to go out there." I quirked a brow, "Afraid? Why would you be afraid?" As I said that he held his hands up and began counting down from 10. A thunderous noise arose from downstairs, and just when he reached zero, 3 men barged into his and screamed, "O'Malley!!"

Startled by the sudden noise, I looked at George for an answer. "Because of that." George huffed again. "Georgie, since when did you have a girlfriend? And she's hot too." I was taken aback at the man's comment. "C'mon, you know Georgie never gets laid," George rolled his eyes before getting up, trying to hide his embarrassment from me. "Please ignore my idiotic brothers," He began to go to his closet and grab camo wear. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to help Izzie?" There was desperation in those chocolate-brown eyes of his, and just when he was about to explain himself the older man chimed in and said, "Our Georgie is gonna kill his first turkey this year, I can feel it!"

"Dad you know Georgie isn't gonna kill a turkey, he never does." His eldest brother spoke, "No, he's gonna chicken out like how he usually does-" "Shut up!" George says while his brothers laugh, his face turning as red as a tomato now. "I'll be back as soon as I can to help. I promise I won't miss dinner." George tells me as he puts on his beanie and I thought he couldn't look any cuter. "Well, you better tell Izzie that," I scoffed as his family began to drag him out of the room chanting 'O'Malley' over and over again until they were down the stairs and out of the door.

"I don't think they're coming back any time soon." Izzie whined, "I hope he doesn't actually kill a bird."

---

#greys abc #greys anatomy imagine #greys anatomy #meredith grey #alex karev #george o’malley x reader #george o'malley imagine #george o'malley #izzie stevens #christina yang #slow burn #love triangle #angst to fluff #fluff to smut

[mistydeyes]

OMG THERES 1K OF YOU!! I cannot believe it! Thank you all so much for all the love and support these last few months :) Literally tearing up at how many people love my works. It all started with a silly little pharmacist fic and look at where we are now!

To celebrate, I will be opening up my inbox for some prompts! For the next week, feel free to send me a character, a prompt below, and any other details (ex. female, male, or g/n character) :)

aesthetic prompts 💌 - CLOSED NOW! thank you for all the submissions :)

soft and cute - all fluff!

vase of flowers - they return home to your door with a small bouquet of flowers with rudy

loveseat - shopping for furniture for your shared home

linen tablecloths - hosting a dinner party (one that is pinterest worthy)

orange juice - sick days call for the best care

vintage maps - a spontaneous trip with an event filled itinerary

cherry lip balm - what was your first kiss like? with graves

paper rings - “put this on” “why did you make a ring out of the straw wrapper?”

ramekins of soup - you both are not experienced chefs but you try a new recipe in the kitchen

tuberose- looking at old photo albums and reminiscing on old memories

tote bags - “hey can you hold this for me?” “why do you have so many things?” “it’s not my fault these pockets don’t hold anything”

sugar cubes - they surprise you with your favorite dessert/sweet treat with price

music - “i made you a playlist!”

pearls - a fancy dinner out with expensive clothes and dining

folded sheets - "hi, i'm your neighbor across the hall :)"

gold - a small gifted ring as a token of your love with price

unlit cigarette - meeting in the most unexpected of places

hot chocolate - a warm snowed in cabin with nowhere to go

house plant - “for your new apartment!” “you know i’m not here enough to water that”

pastel bonnets and rattles - “we are NOT naming our child that”

perfume - perfume bottles decorate your bureau and you decide to let them choose your scent for the day with gaz

friendship bracelets - friends don't look at friends that way, is there something between us? with ghost

shower of tears - angst

crystal glasses - a fight ends with shattered wine glasses and someone is left to pick up the pieces with gaz

running mascara - "i can't believe you would say that to me" with the 141

hyacinth - they decide to interrupt the wedding just as you're about to say your vows with ghost

cardigans - "please don't go, please don't leave me" with ghost

sea salt - you can't do this anymore and just need to get away from them

stars - "do you think in another universe things would have worked out for us?"

cubic zirconia - you both come to the realization that your relationship is beyond repair

cold sheets - "can you hold me just one more time?" with soap and gaz

hydrangeas - a sudden death leaves one of you without the other for the rest of time

cocktails - "you need to stop drinking too much" "what do you know?"

graveyard - "please i don't want to die" with price

enlisted - military au

empty cartridges - "I want you to run, I'll cover you!"

uniforms - they sure clean up well as you look at them in their dress uniform with price

cigarette smoke - you share a cigarette (and exchange indirect kisses) while on patrol with ghost

confidential files - you're the newest addition to the team and you recognize a familiar face

jacket - you forgot to pack you winter gear and they're helping you avoid the cold

angel - this time you're their knight in shining armor as you save them with soap | with price

manila folders - "I'm being transferred to another unit"

bandages - you are the only one with the med kit and are tasked with patching them up

barbells - "you're doing it wrong, let me show you"

MREs - "can we switch? this food is absolute shit"

hit the showers (18+) - a prank ends with you getting your clothes and towel stolen with soap

wigs - you get sent undercover with them

hot and seductive - smut (18+)

lace (18+) - “wait for me in the bedroom, i have a surprise”with soap

stained lipstick (18+) - rough kisses in the back of an uber with gaz | with ghost

stolen glaces (18+) - "are you going to kiss me or not?"

tanning lotion (18+) - you just wanted help with an even lotion application but now their touch is venturing elsewhere

black and white photos (18+) - you take a few photos so they can remember you (and your body) while on deployment with price: part i and part ii

fruit juice (18+) - "let's test out that theory about drinking pineapple juice"

morning sun (18+) - you have nowhere to go and decide to spend it in bed ;) with ghost | with gaz | with price

silk (18+) - “you look absolutely gorgeous tonight”

#madebyizzie #cod mwii #mw2 imagine #task force 141 #mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #john price #johnny soap mactavish #kyle garrick x reader #simon riley x reader #john price x reader #johnny soap mctavish x reader #call of duty #mw2 headcanons #konig mw2 #alejandro vargas #rodolfo parra

[orchdaria]

short mun introduction here. hi, hi! i'm autumn (she/they, 21+) and i bring you not only my baby aera here, but also moon taeho (@mooninkd) & ahn kiha (@srnscng) so feel free to contact me on any of them! i also have discord upon request ♡

short muse introduction here. kim aera. 25 y/o. a nurse practitioner at cheongdanhae clinic and a resident! she was born and raised in yuseong bay all her life and honestly she has never known anything else nor she does really want to (for now anyway) even though she might claim otherwise. here is her profile and here is her pinterest!

answer the following prompts, either ooc or ic!

when did your muse first arrive in yuseong bay?      as said before, aera was born and raised in yuseong bay! she once dreamed of doing med school in some big city (seoul) just like her big sister that also went there for her university degree and have her little young adult adventures, however in the end she gave up the idea because of certain circumstances in her life. not that she's sad about not leaving yuseong bay anymore!! actually she wholeheartedly sees it as her home; she likes her job and she likes the house that she lives in, she likes (esp!!) the stray cats on the bay and she genuinely doesn't see herself living somewhere else (at least for now).

what does an average day look like for your muse?      she wakes up around 7am, has a cup of homemade matcha latte (recipe from her mother! she wanted to consume caffeine in a "healthy" manner so aera grew up with more matcha than coffee in her life) while attending to the small garden that she has (that was also her mother's!), talks to the plants a little bit so they can grow well and then goes back inside to have a proper breakfast, talks a little with the picture that she has of her parents in their little altar. then she gets ready goes to work after a cheerful i'm going now but i'll be back in the evening! goodbye to them so she's at clinic at 9am. as promised is only back around dinner time; usually she's too tired to cook so she buys dinner on the way or shamelessly stops by the place of one of the elderly couples/people that saw her grow up and knows that they'd never refuse to feed her (as a matter of fact they're more than glad to do so!), besides the company always does her good. then she goes home to watch some drama while doing some crocheting, especially if she didn't have any other opportunity to do so during her day (like having a slow day at work or anything like that); goes to bed around 10pm the earliest, 11pm to 12am the latest.

where can your muse usually be found?      besides work (rip aera and her 10 hours shifts), she can also be seen around the pier around mid afternoon, even more so during the colder seasons, trying to put sweaters (that she made herself) on the cats of the community they have in yuseong bay; goes to daeyanghwa florals every two weeks or so (or when she wants to treat herself a little) to get gardening supplies or new seeds/flowers for her garden and goes to lemon martes almost weekly for groceries because she always forgets one thing or two even with always having her groceries list with her— also enjoys the farmer's market to see the stalls and encountering a familiar face or two. once in a blue moon, she can also be seen in the recreation center trying to start some working out routine that she drops after a day or two.

how does your muse feel about hanhwa resort?      it's a little complicated because as much as she loves the fact that it's bringing attention to yuseong bay and allowing new people to go in and out of the town in a frequency that was never seen before, aera can't help but also feel a little resistant to how it's changing the town that she has known since she was young, after all, she was never good at dealing with change to begin with and if she really stops to think about it, she gets anxious about her own lifestyle being affected eventually (esp because of the higher prices that are only getting even higher); on top of it, she doesn't like the overall way that the resort treats the rest of the city, either like they're an annoyance to their business or as if they were part of the entertainment that they were providing.

is there an aspiration for your muse to stay in or leave yuseong bay?      as said before, aera isn't very good with changes and she has lots of attachments with the town so she has more reasons to stay than to leave. even if she does say that she dreams of a life out of it (and romanticizes the hell out of it), deep inside she feels like the calm and quiet life of a small town like yuseong bay suits her the most and she doesn't genuinely sees herself anywhere else for now. but then it's hard to say how much those desires is from the way she decided to deal mainly with her grief and how much is from a personal desire/want or even if it really matters in the end.

answer the following, ooc!

list your muse’s three favorite songs.      in no particular order: red velvet - about love ; twice - cruel ; taeyeon - time lapse.

describe your muse’s wardrobe.      cute scrubs, mostly very light/pastel colors, a combination of feminine and comfortable. loves loves to wear oversized sweaters/cardigans (and alikes), even more so when she learned how to make them herself and that's why it's not unusual to see her with rolled up sleeves of whatever she's wearing so her hands are usable, also adores short overalls and high waist bottoms (skirts, shorts, jeans, etc etc), sneakers over anything else but does own a couple of heels for any "fancier" events even if they're very rare.

what is a color, word, and emoji that you feel describes your muse?      lilac, daydream, 🐣

three strong likes and dislikes for your muse.      really likes crochet, rom coms, matcha bubble tea / really dislikes interrupted naps, almonds, iced americano (and/or most iced coffees)

three positive and negative traits for your muse.      positive traits softspoken, dutiful, caring / negative traits fanciful, unambitious, naive

three talents and shortcomings for your muse.      talents has a good memory, high tolerance for spicy food, queen of small talking/starting conversations / shortcomings doesn't know how to say no even when she wants to, can't whistle, trusts people that she shouldn't

what is a book/tv series/movie/video game character that you feel your character relates to?      she gives off the same energy as honda tohru from fruits basket.

a relevant goal or arch for your character to overcome.      TW DEATH & GRIEF it's been six years since her parents passed away and even though she swears that she's over it, aera obviously isn't. she's still incapable of letting them go. of course that she isn't as depressed as she was during the highest point of her grieving process, but she's also sort of lowkey in denial while clinging to small things that she feels are the only things that she has of her parents (i.e. her house which ends up stretching to yuseong bay as a whole, the necklace she is always wearing that is from her mom's, even her love for match only developed after her mother died, etc etc) so i wished that she'd genuinely move on and cling to her parents' memory in a healthier way/in a way that doesn't stop her from doing things that could want but (maybe) convinces herself that she doesn't (like leaving yuseong bay even if for vacation). END OF TW.      also she's almost ridiculously afraid of ending up alone/feeling lonely so hopefully she'll overcome that and make healthier friendships/be taken less advantage by people just to make them stay 🙏

extra bits !

started crocheting as a way to deal especially with stress related to getting her nurse license and now it's become a habit/hobby, it isn't really unusual to see her crocheting somewhere, even during work if it's a slow day; part of her love language became offering/making sweaters or scarves or keychain sized amigurumis for the people that she cares about (including the community of cats in yuseong bay).

once in a blue moon she gathers enough stuff to sell that at the farmer's market in a very small stall, but it's extremely rare since she has a full time job and usually gives away anything that she makes that isn't for herself anyway.

has a driver's license because her sister insisted that she at least learned how to drive just in case, is pretty ok at it but has no real interest in getting a car for herself.

has a good relationship with her sister even if it'd be easy to assume that they're strained (i.e. big sister doesn't visit often unless it's some special event like chuseok or anything relating to their parents', aera doesn't visit her at all because that would mean leaving yuseong bay, their different personalities, etc etc). they still care for each other and even though big sister can be a little pushy in trying to get aera to move on from the things that she feels like aera needs to, she means well and tries to tone it down when/if aera calls her out in it.

is always wearing a delicate necklace with a pendant of a single (real) pearl that used to be her mother's. the story behind it is that it was aera's father engagement present to her mother, it was even said that he fished that pearl himself and then asked to make a necklace out of it; it's unsure how true this story is but aera believes it wholeheartedly.

had a very serious relationship (wc coming soon!!) that ended up badly and now she's also scared of falling seriously in love again, instead she is more fond of the idea of love and her feelings are completely about the image/idea of the target of her affection that she has in her head instead of the real person, thinking that this way she'll protect herself from genuine feelings + still enjoying her romanticized (and somewhat shallow tbh) idea of love. big consequence of it is that she has at least one new crush every day and then ghosts anyone who shows genuine interest to her.

would love to adopt a cat (or any pet tbh) but feels like her lifestyle is too busy to be able to properly take care of any other living being that isn't the plants in her mother's garden so instead she tries to look after the kittens and any other strays that she meets on the street but then again never fully commits to it.

#yshqs:intro #really tried to not sound repetitive because all of her info is already in bullet points help dkjfhkjh

[tallymali]

Don’t know if anon or messages is the better place to ask this. I have friend that’s had uti for 2 months and you came to mind. Would you mind telling your Dr/clinic and the new and previous meds you’re taking? Did both meds work & the new is just cheaper or does new work better also? Thank You Tally!

Oh my god, I'm so glad you've sent me this because I wish more than anything that I'd known about this illness so early on in experiencing it. I have soooo much to say about this so you're absolutely welcome to DM me and relay any questions your friend has.

Okay first off I definitely recommend your friend joins the facebook support group: www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicUTISupportGroup/

Even if they dont use facebook, they should totally just make an account to join. I didn't use it either so I just made a blank profile with a fake name. As long as you answer the questions they send, the mods should let you in with no problem. I said something like "apologies for the blank account, I don't use social media but I was told this is the best place for support" and I was accepted super fast.

So, the clinic I go to is the Harley Street chronic UTI clinic. They don't have their own website but all their info is here: www.chronicutiinfo.com/treatment/conventional-medicine/uk-treatment/prof-malone-lee/

(That website is also an incredible source of info on chronic UTIs)

You have to go there in person for the initial appointment, which costs £250. First thing they do is take your pee and analyse it under a microscope to get a count for white blood cells and epithelial cells. Then you go to the doctor's office (there's a team of doctors that all follow the same protocol) and they discuss your symptoms, any previous medications you've tried, and any other health issues you have. They will almost always prescribe Hiprex and a long term high dose antibiotic. Hiprex is a urinary antiseptic, and it essentially reacts with the acid in your urine to create formaldehyde. Most of us take high dose vitamin C pills with the Hiprex to keep our urine as acidic as possible (high bacteria in the bladder can raise urine pH so we often need help in that department).

At this point they will give you the prescriptions and say you can take them to your NHS GP and see if they're willing to fill them on the NHS. My GP didn't want to get involved with prescribing long term antibiotics, but was happy to fill the Hiprex prescription. I now get my antibiotics from Pharmacierge. Their prices are cheaper than regular pharmacies and they work closely with the Harley Street team. My doctor now just sends my prescriptions straight over to them which cuts out a little admin for me.

After that initial appointment you have to have a follow up appointment every 3 months, which can be done in person or over teams. Either way, they cost £200. If you go in person they will do the pee analysis again, but it's not super necessary to do that to monitor your progress. Patient symptoms are the number one thing they use to decide your treatment. Basically as long as you're in pain, they will keep treating you (the NHS would NEVER). Not a huge amount happens at these check ups, but being on long term antibiotics is risky so they will ask you a million questions about any possible side effects, and switch your meds immediately if you're not tolerating them well. They also ask that you contact your GP and request a blood test 3 times a year to monitor your kidney and liver function. They might also ask for other tests depending on your symptoms and the specific antibiotics you're prescribed.

So yeah, the treatment kind of just boils down to: find the right meds. Take them until you feel completely normal again.

As for the specific meds, here's a list of their most prescribed antibiotics:

Cefalexin

Amoxicillin

Co-amoxiclav

Nitrofurantoin

Trimethoprim

Doxycycline

Oxytetracycline

Azithromycin

Clarithromycin

Pivmecillinam

Lymecycline

For me, before starting treatment under Harley Street, I'd been treated by the Urology Partnership. They prescribed me 3 months of full dose Nitrofurantoin (brand name Macrobid, super common UTI treatment) and I was almost symptomless during that 3 months, but when I finished the course the symptoms returned instantly at full throttle. From that point they would only prescribe me the half dose of Nitrofurantoin which was NOT cutting it. That was when I decided to move to Harley Street. Definitely would not recommend Urology Partnership to people dealing with a chronic UTI.

SO. I emailed the Harley Street clinic with an appointment request and they booked me in for the next week. At my appointment the doctor prescibed Trimethoprim, which is usually the first one they try with new patients. I took it for a little while, (around 2 weeks to a month, I don't remember exactly) but I was still getting symptoms that weren't letting up, so I emailed their clinical enquiries address to let them know. I'd mentioned at my inital appointment that Nitrofurantoin had worked in the past, so they took me off the Trimethoprim and prescribed the Nitro instead, with the note that I'd have to discuss it at my next appointment.

Basically, Nitro is a really good antibiotic but has some of the nastiest side effects and is also the most expensive. So at my follow up appointment my doctor said he was happy for me to stay on it to get my symptoms back under control but he'd like to switch to a less risky antibiotic in time.

So a few months later (June this year) I was switched to Cefalexin, which has some of the least side effects and is one of the cheapest. I've been doing really well on it and I'm really feeling optimistic.

This is all to say that treatment is easy in theory but requires a little trial and error to find the right meds, and then takes a metric fucktonne of patience. There's no set length of time for the treatment, but in general, the longer you've had the cUTI the longer it takes to cure. So if your friend does have cUTI and can get treatment quickly, it shouldn't take too long to cure.

I had mine for two years before starting with Harley Street, which is actually much shorter than the average patient. They frequently treat older patients who have been suffering for over 20 years. I've read a depressing number of posts in the facebook group from people in their 50s+ who have been able to live normally for the first time in their adult life thanks to this treatment.

Knowledge of this condition with the general public AND with doctors (even urologists?????) is basically nonexistent. The NHS and most healthcare systems will slap you with a wastebasket diagnosis (PBS/BPS/IC) and tell you to piss off and live in pain forever. I genuinely don't think I will ever be able to trust a doctor right off the bat to actually prioritise my health ever again in my life. The NHS is full of people who really do care and really do everything they can for their patients but as an institution it does not give one iota of a fuck about the wellbeing of the people it's supposed to care about. It's a big complicated systemic issue but there will never be a good excuse for turning away patients who need medical care to live normally.

If your friend or literally anyone reading this is interested in the more academic/scientific side of this whole thing, I'd definitely read Cystitis Unmasked by Professor Malone Lee. It's written for doctors so it's not an easy read for a layperson but GOD it's so eye opening and infuriating. Professor Malone Lee is the guy who created the Harley Street UTI clinic and I think he spent his entire life raging at all the pillars of incompetance that modern UTI testing and treatment is built upon.

#sorry for rambling #i am on a one woman rampage to spread awareness about this bastard condition and the incompetence of the healthcare system #if anything i say could even possibly save another person from years of this hell and all the medical gaslighting #then i will talk until i DIE #asky ask

[ringchollyandfriends]

As much as it may be harder on Elliot, I need to look out for myself and my other pets, so here's my mini plan until I come up with something else:

1. Eat 3 meals a day.

That's none negociable and I don't like having to convince myself that it's okay, hoping that people won't judge me for leaving Elliot alone. I have to eat.

2. Walk Bean at least once a day. (Unless bad days.)

She is the most easy dog to live with, but that doesn't mean she can go without walks, which she loves.

3. Allow myself about an hour to spend with Nelly and my wife.

That one is for my own well-being and I miss them.

4. Save money to buy new gates.

That way at least if I have to stay in my room, I won't be trapped in a closed space. And it'll reduce the amount of stressful, sudden meeting Elliot and Chico have.

For Elliot:

That part, I'll talk to my trainer about more ideas.

1. Talk to the vet about anxiety meds. I know that more often than not, SA requires no absences to treat, but it's impossible for me, so it'd be nice if Elliot felt somewhat less nervous alone. Even if this is because he's new to me, I think that he deserves help.

2. Get a few likimats, freeze them ahead of time and offer them alongside chews and toys when I'm away. He might need time to use them, but maybe it'll help.

3. Have a schedule. I don't know how much this will help, but if I eat at the same time every day, I'm hoping it'll create safety instead of anticipation.

4. Keep scheduling a dog walker once a week. It's not as much as I'd like, but again, money.

That way, I can hang out with wife and the other pets without Elliot being nervous.

5. Start working on LLW so eventually, on some days, I can walk Elliot and Bean together. (He doesn't pull much, but he zigzags like a lizard, which is hard with two dogs.)

6. Have a planned time every day to work on good associations with Elliot/Chico. Even if it's 5 minutes, daily sessions will help, I hope. (We do sessions, but they're more random.)

7. Work on Elliot's seperation anxiety. Schedule a time every day.

I get overwhelmed about having no choice but to leave him alone, to the point where I keep thinking that training won't make a difference because he has to face his fears regardless. But I have to at least try.

#To keep #Do not reblog

[i-am-thornqueen]

Give me a moment to scream into the void, okay?

I have managed a small triumph after being spitting mad for a whole week.

Drug-related pharmacist rant below.

There are a few drugs in this world that carry the label "do not fuck with me" and I happen to specialize in one of the areas of medicine with a gigantic 'do not fuck with me' drug: clozapine.

It's an antipsychotic, and it is more or less one of the biggest guns we have for treatment-resistant schizophrenia. But it is also a drug that needs to be treated with respect. It can do its job, and it can do it really fucking well, but there are trade-offs that require close monitoring in the beginning because if you don't, there are consequences.

This drug means so much business that when you start it, you have to be registered with a monitoring network of the brand of clozapine that you are started on. In the beginning, you need to be monitored for things like myocarditis (inflammation of the heart muscle, can be fatal), ileus (intestines stop moving, can be fatal), agranulocytosis (white blood cells basically disappear, can be fatal), among a host of other things.

It SOUNDS terrifying, I know, but the risks are low and we monitor patients to ensure that the moment it looks like anything is happening, we intervene IMMEDIATELY.

So imagine my ever-loving shock when I get a heads-up from my hospital that a clozapine patient's been admitted and they're not registered to any monitoring network. I called ALL of them. No one has eyes on this patient. I call the community pharmacy and find out they have failed to do their bare minimum due diligence of making sure the patient is registered and monitored.

Come to find the prescriber is not a psychiatrist, just a generalist.

We are not treating for treatment-resistant schizophrenia or any other severe condition which would necessitate the use of a big gun drug that requires massive amounts of monitoring.

No.

We're treating dementia-related agitation.

Dementia. Related. Agitation.

Who the FUCK prescribes clozapine - CLOZAPINE - for dementia-related agitation????????????????? You guys didn't even try anything before that??????????? There are so many things you could have done before you resorted to the nuclear option!!!!! Literally, you could have tried ANYTHING. There is TONS of information available for non-pharmacologic and pharmacologic recommendations to address agitation before you resort to clozapine, of all drugs. Literally, clozapine has an increased mortality risk in patients with dementia-related psychosis, so like, you have to think real long and hard before choosing this one.

But this random-ass doctor with no specialization in psychiatric medicine went 'nope, fuck it, common sense out the window' and reached for clozapine before he tried anything else.

And then the pharmacy went 'yeah, sure, that's completely normal' and started dispensing the med without making sure the patient was registered and appropriately monitored.

And now they're my patient.

So for a week, I've been trying to get this poor old patient sorted out with any semblance of sense to his medications and monitoring. Community pharmacy been giving me the run around. Prescribing doc is AWOL. The doctors in my hospital understand that you need to treat this drug with the respect that it deserves, so they've been wary to touch it.

Step by fucking step, I've been making headway. First, got the blood work ordered so I could prove to myself and god that SOMEONE was going to do the blood work. Got the drug placed on hold because, come to find, the spouse hasn't even been giving the clozapine as prescribed and was giving such a low, low, low dose that it probably wasn't even having any therapeutic effect - which, unfortunately, means nothing when myocarditis and agranulocytosis are not dose-related conditions. They just fucking happen.

And THEN when a new doctor tried to restart the med, I intervened and went to bat for this patient. Like, NO, you are NOT giving them the nuclear option antipsychotic at such a low dose it will have no effect but will put them at risk for every terrible thing under the sun. It's for AGITATION for god's sake, and the patient isn't even agitated!

So it goes back on hold.

Now, today, I do all my follow-ups and find the community pharmacy fucked off again. The monitoring networks still have not heard of this patient. I decide I'm making a call on this. Enough is enough. Patient has not had the drug in over a week. It's basically gone from his system. There is no sign of agitation to the degree that they require chemical restraints. They got dementia, that's it. Can be addressed in a more reasonable manner.

Call up the doc. Plead my case. He agrees with my assessment, orders clozapine to be discontinued, HALLELUJAH, he'll monitor for agitation and treat with a more appropriate drug, like QUETIAPINE (still not a fave, but gold-plated next to clozapine in this instance). Doc PROMISES to make it clear on the discharge that clozapine was discontinued.

I breathe a sigh of relief I've been holding for a week.

I have accomplished one (1) thing today, and it was worth it.

Moral of the story is: don't fuck with clozapine in my town and let me find out about it. I will hunt your pharmacy down, your doctor down, your family down, your monitoring network down, and I will chew through a fucking brick wall to make sure you stay SAFE and ALIVE.

#pharmacy stuff #clozapine #personal rant #just needed to get this off my chest

[bonefall]

What herbs should a med cat use to treat epilepsy?

Now that the epilepsy herb guide is out, I can say with certainty that The BEST treatment for canon-compliant warriors is cannabis or valerian root, and a dietary change to fatty prey + eggs.

But let me tell you about the whole journey I went on in research, complete with links to the most helpful educational sources I drew on, in case you would like to learn more

(CONTENT WARNING: Historical discussion of abelism towards epileptic people, animal testing resulting in animal death, links to resources that discuss seizures affecting both humans and cats, cannabis, gross cuts of animal meat, and Pliny the Elder)

So I actually made a bit of a mistake that I won't make again; when I did the HRT guide, I started with modern medication and went backwards. That worked for HRT but didn't for Epilepsy-- because modern epilepsy formulas are almost completely synthetic.

I started with some casual googling for epilepsy in cats, and what treatments they tend to get. After that I started comparing that to epilepsy management in humans

THE big boy epilepsy drug is Phenobarbital. Only RECENTLY (as in, the past 30 years) have we really started to branch out past it, and they're mostly extra types of barbituates. These cannot be found in nature.

So then I was like, OK, I can step back a little bit more, right? WRONG. The predecessor of Phenobarbital was Potassium Bromide-- and I was kinda horrified to find out how much worse it is in comparison. Bromide has a bad habit of building up in your body and a ton of super, super nasty side effects.

The rise and fall of Bromide in epileptic treatment is an epic story all on its own!!!

I was going to include it anyway since Bromide was better than not dying (and indeed it was REVOLUTIONARY at the time), but even BROMIDE is made chemically. The easiest process includes boiling salt and iron together-- iron would not be something warrior cats can access.

Besides-- Bromide is sometimes used for epileptic dogs, but in cats, it causes lung failure of all things.

So, at this point I was realizing I was not going to be able to make the guide with the same methods I used for HRT. I couldn't even find barbituates or potassium bromide in Natural Review of Products, so I was gonna need a new source.

BUT THEN

It dawned on me that managing Epilepsy through the eyes of a Clan medic would involve the seizures specifically--- and I was already realizing that the best recommendations I was going to end up with were non-herbal.

So, before I dove into chasing down herbal remedies, I was going to make a section on general seizure management. Especially first-aid.

Which was where I realized I didn't know as much about Epilepsy as I thought I did. I was only actually familiar with first aid (even got training on it). I didn't even know if a seizure hurt or not (they don't) and I didn't know about the different types of seizures. The "famous" type of seizure is the clonic/tonic, or 'grand mal,' but the most common types are absence seizures, sometimes called the 'petit mal,' as well as localized seizures.

So it was here I nodded and said, "I need to make sure I listen to first-hand experiences of what it is like to have and self-manage epilepsy."

And it was very insightful. I went through firsthand accounts, and came across the Epilepsy Society, and double-checked their credibility (since after all I didn't want to accidentally run into the Autism Speaks of Epilepsy, y'know? As far as I can tell, these guys check out. Lmk if they're sus).

Their Youtube channel was helpful. Lots of stories from epileptic people, some nice informative videos, all short. This video specifically made me dive into absence seizures.

I couldn't include every experience because I was trying to keep the guide short and focused on this being a Battle Cat Fan resource.

So-- that's why the guide takes a lot of time setting up non-medication aspects of Epilepsy care. That entirely came from what came up in my careful research.

But! Of course! I still have a lot to learn so I'm still happy to go back and edit anything if I messed up. I tried really hard to get this RIGHT, y'know? I hope it shows!

However... I still wasn't done.

You can't listen to marginalized voices and not learn about abelism; and I was about to face against the long, cold medical history of ancient Epilepsy treatments.

I still needed to find herbs for the Funny Fight Cats to actually use. Googling wasn't going to cut it anymore. I worked through citations to find A Brief History of Epilepsy And Its Therapy In the Western Hemisphere by R.A Gross and Epilepsy – From Mysticism to Science, which is taken from a translation of the Revue Neurologique.

Historically, Epilepsy was widely seen in Western society as a spiritual possession, with varying degrees of sympathy through history. I would really recommend checking out the two sources I linked, but I was VERY taken aback by Pliny the Elder saying "The best treatment for epilepsy is spitting on them so they don't come near you." FUCK YOU, PLINY.

Unfortunately Pliny was just a huge bitch reflective of the general feelings of the time. It was a constant back-and-forth between people saying "EPILEPSY IS EVIL SPIRITS" and "no it's a medical thing"

And that came crashing to a head in the 1800s with the birth of modern medicine....... and unfortunately, institutionalization. Which is where the vast majority of modern attitudes towards epileptics was born.

Modern attitudes being those that strip epileptics of agency. This has been used to take away their autonomy and legal rights. So I did a lot of revision to try and make sure my guide wasn't reinforcing that, especially considering Warrior Cat's dodgy history with abelism.

Most epileptics can be completely independent-- so the majority of warriors would just need someone to patrol with when they're going to be walking in the dangerous woods.

I removed a recommendation I had in my first draft to completely prevent epileptic warriors from going on battle patrols for this reason. Stress and head trauma caused by violence can worsen Epilepsy; but I don't think it would be responsible to patronize a warrior for whom battle is an extremely important part of Clan life, when they could still choose to fight.

So, onward,

Those two books also gave me herbs to check. When I saw something I wanted to consider, I would jot it down and then go research it individually.

(this was helpful for filtering out some of the... interesting suggestions. I think I counted 8 different types of cooked animal testicles which OBVIOUSLY were not going into my SFW herb guide)

Mistletoe was the first one I found. I even found a study on its usefulness in treating Epilepsy. It was eliminated for being poisonous and being more regionally limited than chamomile, while is naturalized pretty much everywhere.

White Hellebore immediately made me tilt my head because Hellebore is notoriously poisonous. I knew it was used in herbal medicine, just like yew, but it was followed by a whole chunk of herbs well-known for being EXTREMELY deadly. It didn't make it into the guide because of just HOW deadly it was-- but this is the reason why I included Chamomile and Mistletoe.

There were LOTS of herbs eliminated for being too poisonous to cats, though. Hyssop, peony, datura, foxglove...

Chamomile was almost axed by the 'no poisons' rule. In high doses, it can be harmful to cats. I was pretty sad to be cutting it, but if HELLEBORE could be used for people, chamomile easily wiggles in if its dosage is controlled.

In my mind, Chamomile is the Warrior Cats replacement for herbs like Hellebore. The one closest to how humans were treated for epilepsy traditionally, and the one you'd use to strike a balance between the "traditional treatment" style of herbs the Erins use and the "soft realism" of the cats being slightly different from humans (can't taste sweet, can't eat certain things that would be fine for a human)

There were a ton of herbs cut for being in the wrong region, including camphor tree products. There's a lot of history to Middle Eastern, Chinese, and South American treatment of Epilepsy. I didn't dive too deeply into it, since my guides focus on the most common type of fan clans; Temperate biomes in central Europe and North America

Which brings me to my darlings, cannabis and valerian root.

I initially thought that cannabis was going to get cut, since I was only familiar with industrial level production. I was surprised to find out that feral ditchweed actually has a very long history.

You know when you really should have known something, but it catches you off guard regardless? That's where I was with ditchweed. I knew that a lot of early American items were made of hemp (the declaration of independence is actually written on hemp paper), but I didn't realize it could... grow feral like that.

Anyway, cannabis is actually one of the oldest epilepsy treatments on record. It's also fine for cats, as long as it doesn't have a high THC content, which feral weed does not have.

(it's also full of seeds which would be AWESOME for a warrior cat, I should actually make a guide on cannabis uses since it's one of those "golden herbs" like my friend Fennel)

Lastly, there's valerian root. Which is actually fascinating.

See, valerian root is another herb that was used to treat epilepsy in antiquity, but modern studies don't seem to know what chemical inside of it is the anticonvulsant. It's probably isovaleric acid, and REAL high doses of it have shown promise in treating epilepsy...

But this shit is stinky

It's STINKY and not palatable. Valerian root tastes like ASS. And it only gets worse the higher the dose you have, something you don't notice when it's just a herb and not a super concentrated supplement. Apparently it's so bad that the research I've seen has said outright, "We should synthesize isovaleric acid from somewhere else because this is gross"

But... cats?

Valerian root is practically the opposite to cats. They LOVE the stinky. It's like catnip to them. Though it's a sleep aid to humans, it can energize a cat and is only a danger in excessively high doses.

And the best part is that both of these herbs are all over the place. Valerian is invasive in America and likes to grow in wet areas, and ditchweed (cannabis ruderalis) is native to central Europe to begin with... though, funny enough, through American Historical Shennanigans™, ditchweed is now more common in the midwestern united states than its native range.

I was also going to read Plants and Plant Products with Potential Anticonvulsant Activity – A Review and The Falling Sickness by Owsei Temkin, but at this point, I had three solid herbs and a whole guide on epilepsy management as it pertains to Warrior Cats. I'd recommend these two if you guys would like to read further than I did.

I've been working on this one all week which is actually a LIFETIME considering my average attention span, so I'm ready to move to the next big thing!

#I HATE Pliny the Elder #All my homies HATE Pliny the Elder #I need to tag these meta things #Bone Babble #Herb Guide

[ilikeyoshi]

hiiii sorry about last night! i got some pretty scary news from the doctor at about 6pm, and over the course of the night it all was just kinda sinking in and i got very upset and scared. i'm feeling much better this morning, and i'll be starting a new medication soon to help prevent the issue from escalating, so i'll be okay too!

that's all i wanted to make sure everybody heard, but if friends are interested in more specifics, i've talked about it more under the cut.

<3

the short of it is, i found out last night i have a significantly elevated risk for strokes and heart attacks, at age 29. you can imagine how scary that is to find out from a blood test you AND your doctor expected to come back with nothing interesting, lmao.

it's serious enough that my doctor wants me to start a new medication immediately, without even seeing me in his office first. i've agreed to this after a cursory bit of my own research on the to-be-prescribed medication, as well as talking to my mom, who also happens to take a medication in this category.

i usually prefer to discuss new meds thoroughly with my doctor or psychiatrist before starting them, but of course, the fact i'm being offered the option of starting immediately, and the nature of what it's meant to prevent, kinda more than justifies throwing that standard to the wind. i do have an appointment with him next month to talk about the overall situation in greater detail, and i intend to discuss how the meds are treating me by then as well!

as is apparently a theme in my family, i have these risks without any significant signs of the overall conditions that would normally cause them. my father went through the same thing, via lung cancer despite never smoking and never having significant asbestos exposure in his construction career—obviously lung cancer can happen anyway, but lacking any of the common causes for it is rarer. naturally, i have achieved a similar issue; the elevated risks i have would most commonly be associated with diabetes and hypothyroidism. obviously, i intend to look into both of these with my doctor more, but so far nothing indicates signs of either condition.

sooooo basically: i'm okay! nothing that's an emergency Right Now, but something that could BECOME an emergency basically any time. i'm already looking into memorizing the early signs of heart attack and stroke in my body type, and i'm considering taking a CPR class in the near future and inviting my mom and sister, as they're the people i'm most likely to be with should something go really wrong. fortunately, i was at the doctor in the first place for a physical, and my heart sounds great!

i have another round of bloodwork scheduled in march to see how much the new meds are helping. i'm also, on a slower scale due to autism and strength loss complicating things, working on adjusting what i eat and how i exercise. because of the aforementioned reasons, i can't just switch as promptly as i'd like to, but that's why i'm so eager to start this medication. :)

thank you for reading, and for the well wishes on my posts from last night! things are gonna be okay. one step at a time!

#yoshi talks #medical //

[hillbilly---man]

ok late night complaining post and then I'll go to bed

(I'm not sure how to tag or if y'all need me to warn for this, but this post is about giving myself shots)

I started this new medicine today that's an injectable and I'm pretty sure the auto-injector pen malfunctioned or something because I had to press super hard to get it to activate and also I'm pretty sure none of the medicine actually went in (I've already messaged the pharmacist so I'm not worried about the missed dose or anything)

But I went to a Facebook group of people taking the same med to ask if they've experienced the same thing and if it's supposed to be more difficult than other auto-injectors (because I've never had any problems with my other injectable med), or if it was defective

And every single comment I got was people assuming that I don't know anything about how these pens work. Like "well it's subcutaneous so it's not supposed to go in deep" or "sounds like you pulled it out of your skin before it finished injecting the shot. Make sure you wait until after the second click" or asking me if I read the instructions or took the cap off or assuming I'm scared of the needle or something

I just wanna reply like... Deborah, I've been doing this for months. I think there's a good chance it's a malfunction and not just because I'm a dumbass

I know it's totally on them and it's their fault they can't pay attention to a post before responding (and that they're trying to be genuinely helpful) but it feels like they're being really condescending and treating me like I'm stupid and it feels really shitty that I'm this sensitive to that

#ughhhhhhhhhhh #ok good night

[orbitalsockets]

You know, the mental health landscape on Tiktok is seriously fucking heinous and I feel like more people need to talk about it.

And no, I don't mean the people who are obviously ableist or hold disbelief that mental health can be detrimental to someone's quality of life. People have addressed those into the ground, but I feel like attention SERIOUSLY needs to be brought to people in this new Bo Burnham "spider" trend and the behaviors attached to it.

For those that don't have an account on tiktok, a basic tldr is a Bo Burnham song is used by people with mental health issues to discuss how when they unmask or show "not easily romanticized" symptoms, people dislike them despite having claimed to be able to handle having a mentally ill friend. Now, at first when I saw this I thought what I assume any other mentally ill person would - The friend that person had is shit.

BUT

Slowly this trend, as well as the active conversation about mental illness, has somehow skewed in the direction of "I am mentally ill and therefore people need to be prepared to deal with all of my symptoms, and if they can't handle me being aggressive/rude/spiteful/literally any standard definition of toxic or abusive, they're romanticizing mental illness and I'm a victim".

I've seen dozens of people saying things like "I got comfortable so I unmasked and started showing you my anger/destructive tendencies/physical aggression/deep thoughts of harming myself/etc, then you said you can't handle me despite also being mentally ill and therefore you're a fake mental health advocate". Yall WHAT

Speaking as someone who is mentally ill, has been off and on meds since my teen years and has had to undergo anger management therapy, OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT REQUIRED TO PUT UP WITH YOU. If you're struggling with your mental health and as a result are being shitty, it is NOT being "against mental health advocacy" for someone to recognize their limits and decide that they cannot help you when you are actively causing them any form of harm.

Mental health is a bitch and I have done more than my fair share of toxic shit when in the throws of the hell my brain likes to create, and the people I was toxic to DID NOT deserve to have to deal with that. They were not my therapist, not my counselor, and WERE NOT trained mental health professionals able to handle my episodes. They are people with their own shit and their own triggers, and expecting the world to be able to cater to you and your aggression and "not quirky tumblr symptoms :c" is fucking stupid. There is a MASSIVE difference between being forthcoming with someone about your symptoms and actively working on them with falter, and expecting those around you to tolerate being treated like shit because you're mentally ill. I fucking hate it here

#Mental health #Mental illness #mental disorder #mentally unstable #depression #anxiety #Tiktok #Mental disorders #disordered thinking #disordered thoughts #mental health advocate #Mental health advocacy #Unmasking #mental illness memes #mental illness #mental health #serious #serious post

[ifidiedinadream]

"reminder that there's no tmi on this blog"

lmao okay. I wanted to send this non-anon but chickened out. nevermind let's go, if you can be off anon talking about this, so can I.

so i'm on-off antidepressants (for doctor reasons and stuff), and I noticed that during the times I'm on my meds, especially when the dose gets higher, The Thoughts TM pretty much more or less disappear, like I don't wake up distracted thinking Thoughts, the daydreaming is still 90% of my day like usual but there's rarely any 18+ thoughts and even if there are, they're on the very sweet and soft side only, and reading explicit fics is... different. Like, it's still fun because it's fanfiction and I enjoy reading fanfiction, especially if there's feelings between the characters to explore, but it's... idk. Tamed down? Like eating a meal you like but it was made differently or with less spices or whatever and you still like it but the sensations you experience are... lower? idk if I'm making sense, it does make sense in my head but putting it in words is difficult.

Anyway, the point I was getting to is that while the meds only mildly help really, I don't want to stop taking them because.. I figured out I actually prefer feeling this way. Hold on, my cat's on my keyboard. first she steals my water from my glass and puts her nose in too deep and sneezes in it so I have to get a new one, now she sabotages my unstructured whatever this is. Anyway, where was I. Ah yes, I really prefer being in this kind of.. ugh I'll just call it vastly lowered sex drive state; because usually, I feel kind of bad or uncomfortable with what I've been thinking/fantasising about, and I KNOW that fantasy =/= what you actually want, but idk. When I've finished daydreaming or whatever you wanna call it, I mostly feel weird and like I've wasted time and also like I should never ever tell anyone about that so... giulia and her anons for the sex ed is maybe a good starting point to getting okay with it? then again, if I were to stay on those meds forever and these effects kept up forever, I wouldn't mind at all.

I know that that's a side effect that bothers many people when they start anti-depressants but yeah. Between all the other side effects I could absolutely do without, this is one I really don't want to let go of again.

Why did I tell you all that? Idk, it's just something I've noticed and that I've been wondering about and you've well established there's no tmi on your blog and maybe someone else has had a similar experience who also wondered about it.

good night ✨

hey jess!! you explained yourself perfectly and it all makes sense, don't worry 😌 this is such an interesting perspective!

for me it's... honestly im pretty bummed that my sexual fantasies aren't doing much for me at the moment (today i did wake up to a new fantasy though so i see it as a good sign, i also started my period today so maybe it's the reason?? who knows), im dealing with heartbreak and i was relying on my fantasies to help me cope but it isn't happening. and im always so damn bored. im not a person who's bored often because of my band obsessions and sexual fantasies about the members but now?? i feel so hollow lol like i always have to actively find something to do when it's not something i usually need to do

i understand how you can experience daydreaming like a waste of time. when i worked it got in the way of my job (not majorly but i struggled) but even then, if i didn't have a fantasy to unwind to in the evening i would go insane. i feel like my daydreaming (sexual in nature, mostly, sometimes i get soft fantasies too but it's mostly when im stressed or anxious) is a major part of my life and im used to living in my head 24/7 so if it was tore away from me what would i do? who would i be?

should i seek help? probably, but this is literally the last of my symptoms i need treated 😂 guess what im trying to say is i struggle to share your point of view because of how im built but i think it's 100% valid and if you find you have more time on your hands right now (because you don't waste it feeling guilty afterwards) then im super happy for you!! thankfully i don't deal with that kind of guilt but i do struggle with feeling like i should be doing something more "adult-like" at almost 28, but at the same time i know it's stupid and people daydream until they die anyway

sorry if it turned into a personal rant 😅 i don't think i could live on soft/vanilla fantasies only because i don't get enough of them for the usual amount of daydreaming i need in order to function but if you feel more comfortable with yourself like this, then amazing!! 💕 on this blog we support whatever fantasies you prefer if it grants you a peaceful inner life and the coping with the real world you need!

#answered #tmi tw