#i really am just living in my own world

[foolsocracy]

momentos

#giving u guys some more phil sam backstory slowly but surely #c!sam #c!phil #and i guess #c!techno #c!ponk #awesamponk #as well #awesamdude #technoblade #philza #ponk #my art #art #dsmp #dream smp #mcyt #i really am just living in my own world

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this. #wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on #i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head #that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it... #some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself... #maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts. #orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway #i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles #btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20 #well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10 #and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most #(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era #that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little. #certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye #idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'. #i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle #just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit #let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')

[uncanny-tranny]

I think such a big reason my trans manhood feels almost... bigendered is simply because in the eyes of most people (specifically cis people with whom I interact with most), I straddle this weird line wherein I am a man and often am seen as one, but I am also clearly undefinable insofar as cis theory goes, clearly queer, clearly outside of manhood if one only accepts cishet, patriarchal manhood. This definitely used to be a source of dysphoria for me, but I think now that I've transitioned, it's been interesting to explore this more. Am I wholly a man? Yes. Am I a man of multitudes? Yes. Do these multitudes contradict? Well, that depends on your definition of "contradiction"

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i've been thinking more about multigenderedness and i think my own experiences are nuanced in such a way where i am both... #...not multigendered but also am. i am constantly in a state of being and unbeing... #...and i guess to many that's insanity but to me it just feels like a consequence of living in the world we live in #i can fully accept my manhood whilst also recognizing that we really do Live In a Society and i want to explore that #i don't consider myself GNC at all because i do not feel like i am 'nonconforming' to manhood... #...but i DO feel as though my trans manhood is in a way bigendered #the guys that get it get it and the guys that don't don't #and similarly #the girls that get it get it and the girls that don't don't #i don't think it's a coincidence that i've started exploring this after going on T... #...i've only recently been comfortable with doing this because i'm. actually fucking happy. for once. and that's given me more interest... #...in actually knowing who i am. who knew. because before i knew enough of who i was but didn't give a shit about myself and. that SUCKED

[novelconcepts]

I’m just saying, the human brain is not equipped for worrying about bank accounts and unemployment and whether unions can hold out and potential show cancellations and climate change and genocide and upcoming elections and parental health and insurance claims and home repairs and ongoing covid surges and political corruption and existential terrors and and and and and

all at the same time at 3 in the morning, as if all of these things are remotely equal and remotely controllable, when you can do NOTHING about any of it because you are small and your room is dark and your dog is asleep and it is 3 in the goddamn morning

#personal #hey hi hello the world is really bad! actually! really bad right now! #this isn’t the place where I come to talk about current events and the like most of the time #but uh. it’s cuz I can’t stop thinking about it. we’re living through so much. so much Bad. #and I want to fix literally all of it #from the comparatively small art things to the incredibly enormous human rights things #and I am. barely able to keep my own house. #and it feels shameful to be so overwhelmed by a world that’s being comparatively kind to me even when it’s been awful #and I sometimes just need to. say it. I guess. #anyway. back to the regularly scheduled gay fiction in a second I just um. #vote please. and stand with Gaza. and…try to rest. when you can. cuz it’s. a lot out there.

[chainofclovers]

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death

#(i'm fine) #(personally) (mostly) (really) #this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals #and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that... #...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once #including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that #and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died #and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal #which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting #and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing #desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird #always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/ #and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were #so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile #but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had #and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair #to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly* #and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful #i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why... #...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating #it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible #and feeling that way is 100% sane #and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple #for meaning and for ideas of what to do #so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things #and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days #often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control #and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being... #...at least a sliver about ME and my little world #about me

[carefulfears]

speaking of kelly's atlantic piece, this quote:

But if the show sometimes failed to give its victims enough agency, it was also startlingly aware of how powerful institutions can do the same, denying marginalized people the right to trust their own experiences, much less speak out about them.

is so much of what i'm very very attached to in the series as a survivor, i think...media can often be utopian, in a way? even if the journey is honest, the ending is structured as a goal society, something to aspire to. but personally, what i crave, is something that calls it what it is. something that shows the darker side of living with trauma.

it's kristin in 3, talking about her father beating her as child, and then mentioning that her boyfriend beats her too. the way she laughs and says, "i guess that's the way it works sometimes," while mulder looks away. her tears as she tastes her own blood one last time before sacrificing herself to escape her cycle. mulder weeping over lucy's body in oubliette, but understanding that maybe it was freedom, to her. even 17 years later, "the only way she could forget." (also, how mean lucy is!! the way she is so uninterested in using what happened to her for the sake of Helping Others!! how brutally she wears her trauma on her sleeve!! she's cared for anyway, she's mourned anyway.)

in monday, pam is trapped in her partner's deadly decisions, the only way to stop the destruction is to throw herself in front of it. in fallen angel, a young mother exclaims to scully that she can't "afford the truth," to speak out would be to lose her fragile standing, her ability to feed her child. for abductees, if you're a woman, to question what happened to you is to die. the "miracle cure" is actually just replacing your violation in the back of your neck, to surrender.

maybe it's bleak but it's honest, it's an acknowledgement, in a world where people don't want to acknowledge the long-term affects or brutality of suffering.

#dont mind me im hungover and miserable and went off my meds #txf.txt #live-blogging my descent #this is very much just my own personal relationship to it etc etc #but i do really love it and am very affected by it #i think it just makes me feel really really really crazy when everything focuses on something very positive and forced #like to make others feel better #but i find it so refreshing and oddly comforting when something says...no it's really bad. and it's okay to feel that it's really bad. #even inadvertently as i'm sure it is on txf as people love to remind me every time i talk about literally anything on this show #but i don't care if it was on purpose or not it's mine now and it's important to me!! anyway #also ik the quote cited was referencing marginalization on a larger scale and institutions it just reminds me of this sense of like #...this is how it is... #like i love that about this show. this is how it is. this is how the world is. look at it.

[junotter]

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk #like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions #while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized #but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama #and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction #i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me #anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa #and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan #ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places #and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls #i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show #they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation #theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets #back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame #plus over done #it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan #but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions #also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island #from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference #and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading #and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references #cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on #i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand #i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix #god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china” #my brother in christ red is also important in japan #red is important in like many many asian cultures #i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches #like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan #but a lot of those comes from china in some way

[aq2003]

series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems

#dr who #i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life #they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different #like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him #even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT. #but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously #and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show #but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying #the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like #having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy #but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat #i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room #series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short. #i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all #she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving #and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think #it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent #martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME. #anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak #series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2. #even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao #ten and martha #10 era

[jakeperalta]

spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍

#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags #we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well) #and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv) #which is £300 a month #plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc #and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house #(and it is very much her house not our house) #and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either #but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us) #so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half #so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700' #so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to #and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay #and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before #but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents #and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to #(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now) #and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills #like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world #and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!! #anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃 #talking

[hella1975]

what do you plan to do with your degree after uni?

FUCK NASTY!!!

#if i ever touch economics again it's a cry for help like i cannot stress enough how fucking pointless this degree is gonna be #okay deep breath im only being so negative bc im balls deep in exam season. it's a GOOD degree i DONT REGRET MY DEGREE #this will be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful when i go into the working world i am EMPLOYABLE bc of my DEGREE #like economics is a VERY versatile subject there arent many areas of work that econ doesnt apply to in some way #so i KNOW it's a really good degree to have and i can kinda do what i want afterwards #but oh my fucking god. jesus christ. bloody fucking hell #i do however know that in the immediate year after my degree im gonna move back home and waitress full time #bc i just need to like. take some time off education and recover LMAO and i want a space to just tick some boxes i never got round to #like learning how to drive and stuff. and living without having rent to pay in a place im very familiar with will be good #even if i do think it's gonna have it's own struggles. oh hometown blues we're really in it now #but yeah after that year im thinking about maybe doing a masters? but ill have to proper blag it bc you typically have to do #masters in subjects relevant to your degree and i dont want to go within a radiation exclusion zone of economics #so. there's that. do u think if i say please somewhere will let me do a classics masters be honest. if i say pretty please #ask #hella goes to uni

[lupinecones]

can you still be considered a fictive if you are not from one specific character? can you still call yourself a fictive if you are from a universe/world but not a "canon" character?

#fictive #introject #system stuff #endos dni #dni endos #<- the dni tags are added for my own safety and comfort! #$y$c0ur$e/di$c0ur$e still not allowed but end0$ have caused harm to the rest of the system and i dont feel safe with their interaction #i ask since i feel like im from the world of the beatrix potter stories but not any (known?) character #because i know what home was like before i began living this life! but i dont know what to make of this now i am thinking about this #i never really thought about it? just that i remember home/the world the books take place and never second guessed it before? i know that i

[elizabethrobertajones]

Good choice for an upstanding roegadyn husband for Frog to bring home to her parents to impress them: Rammbroes

Hilarious choice for bringing home an upstanding roegadyn husband to alarm and frighten her parents: Rasho the captain of the confederacy in the Ruby Sea.

#the trouble with having a WoL with a well adjusted home life and living parents #is sometimes you think 'hmm they would probably still have something to say about her marrying an elezen #even if he were the leader of Ishgard' #'I must now evaluate every roegadyn man of a certain standing for potential parent pleasing husband quality' #idk maybe this is just an elezen/hyur/roegadyn problem and the world building for other races feels less analagous #to recent historical societies where this would be important #although woe betide if you have a Sharlayan OC #they definitely have roegadyn culture first and foremost #in terms of like... day to day social structures #I'd say the hyur/elezen/roe non-specific 1800s to modern societal expectations #but roegadyn founded Sharlayan's society and you can see how it mirrors Limsa first especially with boats and arcanists #point is your sharlayan moon catgirl might still have to bring back a respectable husband to impress the parents #in which case you could do worse than Rammbroes :P #ffxiv #I am just rambling #I haven't not skipped the ruby sea cutscenes on alts literally ever so this is the first time watching them since Frog was first here #they're REALLY long and back to back in my defence #also Gosetsu would be perfect parent pleasing husband material but like however old Rammbroes is Gosetsu has at least 2 decades on him #going from 'hmm' to 'Frog MUST see her own grandpas in him and that's that'

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP

#take One Guess who im talking about. YES ITS KOI BOI #hes so prettyyyyy and cute and lovely and i love looking at him i wanna hear him speak and laugh and sing just AAAAAAAAAAAA #(turns to my own brain) BITCH WE ARE MEANT TO BE AROACE WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH TWO FICTIONAL CRIMINALS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????? #my brain: (that fuckin anime girl gif from evangelion (i think??)) #like fuuuuuck man is it self shipping if u use a proxy? like. hes an oc but he's a stand in for me. he is me and i am him but we also arent #he is his own person and i am my own our lives are very very different but i use him to express love for Mad Dog and Koi Boy #cause they could actually love him if i were in their world i wouldnt stand a chance but my boy has one so he loves them for me #its far easier to imagine him kissing them than it is for me to imagine myself kissing them but that might be because im wired weird #idk it *feels* like it counts yknow. my dumbass out here gettin jealous when i see a Certain Ship cause like i disagree with it on #a Fundamental Level. and on TOP of that half the time the art is so CUTE and im like 'motherfucker that should be ME' or i guess my lad but #STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also #i get him more than yall kgyugkhjhk (jk jk. Unless) basically when i call them my boyfriends i fuckin mean it #look its Real Missing Nishiki Hours i love him i wanna kiss his perfect face someone shoulda shown him love i could save him and he could #make me worse <3 I Want Him #and do not get me wrong i may be focused on him but Majima is still my wifey too!!! hes mine you cant have her <3 #i just have koi boy brainrot i very much desire them Both (YES THAT MIGHT BE WHY I SHIP THEM TOO LOOK I ALSO THINK THEYD WORK WELL TOGETHER #OR AT LEAST HAVE A FUN DYNAMIC TO EXPLORE I SHOULD DATE THEM AND THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER WE ALL HAVE 2 HANDS) #might delete this in the mornin who knows but im feelin silly i wanna talk about them i wanna talk about my boy but idk if ppl would really #GET IT yknow i can think of maybe Two People and that INCLUDES bestie but just aaaa point is i love my koi boy so much hes so lovely <3 <3

[m00ngbin]

i lied. i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on. im going to explain to you how one weird little kid changed the lives of tons of people for the better and at the end of of the series everyone he's helped and changed comes back to help him and return the favor. Let me explain to you the parallels between each of their arcs with the last few episodes. Let me tell you about how his brother finally realizes that it was all him. Every part of that kid is him and they all need to learn to live with it and accept and love him and help him not repress himself because that's what caused the problem in the

first place. Let me rant about how his friend/one-sided rival uses what he said when they first met back to him. (about not using powers to hurt other people) Let me scream about how the friend's first fight with him and last fight are direct parallels. Let me scream about how he shows how much that boy has changed him by opting to protect civilians instead of himself. I'm going to tell you about how after the former terrorist he saved finally realizes that instead of sacrificing himself to save the city he should survive and be there for his son and try to make amends and continue to be better. Let me talk about how even though the people he works out with KNOW that really they're no match for him and they don't really know what's going on, they still try to help him anyways. Because they're friends. That's what friends do and they love him. They just want to support him in every way they can. Let me scream and cry about how his mentor, the man he's known the longest, the man he trusts the most in the world finally admits that he lied to him and he's been lying to him and he finally tells the truth and that's exactly what that boy needs. He needed the truth. It shocked him back to reality, and everyone he's talked to up until that point, INCLUDING HIMSELF, shows him that everyone loves him, and they all accept him, the only problem is that he's unable to accept himself. He's been refusing to forgive himself since he was a little kid for something he didn't even mean to do, and he's been repressing and hiding important parts of himself because he's afraid. And he doesn't need to be afraid because he has people that are there for him and they all love him. LET ME THROW THE BIGGEST FIT YOUVE EVER SEEN WHILE I EXPLAIN TO YOU JUST HOW IMPORTANT THAT TALK BETWEEN HIM AND THE PART OF HIMSELF HES BEEN TRYINF TO REPRESS IS AND HOW MUCH IT CHANGED HIM. HE FINALLY ACCEPTS HIMSELF FOR WHO HE IS AND HES FINALLY ABLE TO FORGIVE HIMSELF AND MOVE ON AND GROW

#can you tell that this show actually means the world to me #and let me just say that while i understand that she wouldn't have been able to do anything i wish Tome had been there #shes also super important to the story and i wish that she'd been there too #AND LET ME ALSO SO HOW UTTERLY UPSET I AM THAT SERIZAWA DIDNT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL PROBABLY AFTERWARDS #SERIZAWA WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO TRULY UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SHIGEO HAD GONE THROUGH #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE MOGAMI INCIDENT #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AND IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT THEY NEVER HAD A MOMENT #anyways i get why it didnt happen but i wish they had gotten to have a little moment together #anyways special shoutout to the seventh divison guys i didnt mention that were working at the store #sorry to sakurai and koyama i would have absolutely mentioned you too but my hand is getting tired and you werent there for very long #but i will say something now #i love how seriously they take protecting the store. even if they werent able to save it from destruction #it really goes to show how they took what reigen said to heart and tried as hard as possible to live normal average lives #they were willing to protect that store at the cost of their own safety just because they were so thankful for the chance to be normal #so sick over everyone in this show #sorry guys #had to get this out #AND I COULD WRITE MORE #but my hand is getting tired again

[sodrippy]

having just THEE most predictable little moment out here today good god

#so embarrassing but i feel like ive really made big strides lately re my own expectations/wants and i feel like im finally getting to like #idk a point where im actually almost comfortable in something realistic and so on #but its still like. under a shiny plastic box and idk how to make it feel Real #obviously the answer is just go get something fucking real you coward. but yknow ahxhejxjsj #anyway the sun is out someone else is paying for my drinks and im in my favourite city in the world lets make some nooooise #unironically am working hard to not be overcome by grief over never being able to live here