#i need it to be angry!!!!! desperate!!!!!! izzy is pushed to a limit and he just has to kiss him to shut him up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keigosphatcock · 4 years

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Kitten

Pairing: Erwin x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.3k lmao

Genre: SMUT (pls do not read if ur a baby)

Warnings: Uhh degradation, kinda exhibitionism, Erwin being a mf dom, dirty talk, daddy kink, masochism/sadism, spanking (but not on the ass), biting

Author: Izzy (*¯︶¯*)

Plot: Basically Erwin is just jealous lmao

A/N: PLEASE I WROTE THIS IN AN HOUR IN A HORNY FIT ITS RUSHED AND ITS A MESS BUT HAVE FUN

You were nervous, your heart pumping as the cadet led you to Erwin’s office.Why did he have to send for you in front of your squad? When there were already countless rumors circulating about your relationship with the commander that he was aware of.

“Good luck, captain,” The cadet bowed before leaving you standing in front of the door, heart racing and head pounding - who the hell did he think he was? Feeding into all these rumors like this, God, for his sake you wished it was important.

The metal of the door knob was cool in your hand and you didn’t bother to knock as you walked straight into his office, “Commander.” Your voice was stern, face stoic as you watched him continue with his paperwork on the desk.

You couldn’t help but watch his concentrated face, the curve of his eyebrows and the subtle movements of his muscles under his button up shirt that came with the slight movements of his writing.

A sigh left his perfect lips, “You didn’t knock, captain.” Erwin didn’t look up at you, only spoke as a way to acknowledge your presence in his office.

“I’ll remember it for next time, commander.” You were calm, well you tried to be, but you were still pissed at him for his abrupt command for you to meet him.

He looked up at you, his eyes flashing as he noticed your stoney expression, “Don’t disrespect me, even if you’re pissy, captain.” He said the words calmly, yet rose from his desk and his serious facade dropped for a second as anger briefly flashed across his features.

You swallowed thickly, realising perhaps he was more angry than you, and he was going to take it out on you. “Yes sir.” Your posture stiffened slightly, watching him make eye contact with you fully.

Erwin looked at you momentarily, not speaking as he studied your expression, his own decaying into one of slight anger as each second passed.

“Why did you-”

“You know why.” He said the phrase sternly as he cut you off, yet with restraint as if he was trying not to spit the words.

You cocked an eyebrow, “I’m sorry sir, but I believe I don’t.” You tapped your foot lightly against the wood, your arms crossed against your chest as you watched him lean on his desk, his hands splaying across the polished surface as he stared at your expression harder.

“Come here, kitten.” Erwin’s voice was stern, the glint in his eyes changing slightly and you swallowed at it, your own attitude melting away as he spoke the nickname.

“Yes sir,” You responded less confidently than before.

Erwin sat back in his chair, gesturing for you to come closer, your heartbeat thumping harder in your chest as you took another daunting step towards where he was sitting. “Sit.” He commanded you, waving slightly to his lap, his eyes boring into your flushed expression.

A rush of excitement burst through you, pushing any ounce of attitude you had before to the corners of your mind as you obediently sat gently in his lap. His hard body was always a comfort against your own, the feeling of his broad chest against your back and his warm breath in your ear had you forgetting your own name - not to mention the way his hands sat dangerously close to your thighs.

“Kitten,” His voice was hot on your neck, his hands gripping your thighs tightly as he whispered the name into your skin, “I thought we agreed you were off limits to anyone else.”

“I-I- havent been-”

Erwin’s hand cut you off, his grip leaving your thigh to cup your already wet pussy. His hand held your heat tightly, despite your pants being in the way, he would know that you were soaking just from that.

“Are you sure?” His hand tightened against your sopping heat, his lips brushing your ear as he held you tightly against him, “Because according to Captain Levi, you’ve been more of a whore than you usually are.”

“I-I don’t understand sir,” Your words barely came out, you were too focused on not trying to moan or grind against his hand.

“Quit it with the sir charade, we both know what you’d rather call me, “Erwin growled in your ear, his grip hardening against your pussy.

“Sorry, daddy,” You whimpered, your lip tugging between your teeth as you tried to control your raging arousal.

“I suppose I’ll let you off the hook this time,” Erwin spoke, yet his hand let go of your pussy, only to come straight back, slapping your sensitive heat through the thick fabric of your pants. A whimper escaped your lips, your body tensing as you desperately tried not to moan as the pain mixed with the pleasure of what he’d just done. “But a dirty fucking whore like you needs to be punished, especially for flirting with other captains without my permission.”

“I wasn’t-”

“I don’t want to fucking hear it, kitten,” His voice was angry, a growl in your ear as he pushed his boner into the small of your back, “You’re such a slut you’re making daddy punish you at work, but I suppose that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? For me to fuck you senseless in my office and claim your pussy as mine in such a risky place.” Erwin chuckled slightly, his other hand coming up to rest at your neck, “I bet you’re hoping for Levi to walk in, so he can see how much of a fucking cum slut you are? Watch your face as I fuck you so hard against my desk, huh? Is that what you want?”

You bit your lip, your body tensing as you felt Erwin’s hand squeeze your neck gently, “Daddy, you know I’m yours.”

“But does Levi? I’ll have to prove it, I’ll have to claim you right here and now, kitten. I can’t let other people think they have free reign on my cum dumpster.” His hand squeezed your neck again, harder and longer, enough that you could feel slightly light headed and it only fuelled your arousal, his words and grip already leaving you a senseless mess.

“Bend over my desk, kitten.” Erwin let go of you, leaving you with a slight disappointment at the lack of pressure on your burning heat. Yet you did as he said, unbuttoning your pants, yet Erwin pulled them down, his hands rough as he shoved you onto the polished wood of his desk.

“Too slow, kitten.” His voice was a growl and you felt his bulge brush your thighs, his eyes gleaming as they took in your defenceless form. “Stay still, or I might have to punish you harder, baby girl.” You could hear the metallic clink of his belt unbuckling, yet you didnt have time to process before he had your hands pinned behind your back and the leather tightening around them in restraint.

Erwin smirked at your restrained arms, one of his hands grabbing your ass roughly as he watched you helplessly splayed out in front of him. “What a fucking good little whore you are…”

You whimpered slightly, your cheek pressed against his desk, completely at his mercy as you waited for any sort of pleasure, “Daddy-” “Hush kitten, I only want to hear you screaming my name.” Erwin didn’t give you time to process what was happening as he pulled down your panties with one hand and landed a harsh spank to your ass with the other.

Your body tensed and you bit your lip to stop yourself from moaning loudly, your eyes screwed shut and you hoped that no one was walking outside of the office.

“Did you lock the door, kitten?” Erwin smirked as he saw your eyes widen, “Then I suppose we better gag that beautiful mouth of yours to stop people from hearing.” His fingers hooked in the delicate cotton of your panties before ripping them off your legs, smirking at the red marks the fabric left on your legs.

“Erwin-”

“It’s daddy or commander to you sweetheart.” He growled in your ear before shoving the panties in your mouth. Arousal and shock was all you could feel as the taste of your own wetness hit your tongue, you blushed, slightly embarrassed at the gesture yet the degradation of it only fuelled you as you felt your own heat drip down your inner thigh.

Erwin seemed to notice it as well, his hands cupping your ass as he bent down, bringing his face close to your sopping pussy. “Well it’d be a waste if I didn’t taste my meal before completely ruining it.” His breath fanned over your pussy, yet his lips never quite reached it, instead he placed small kisses along your inner thigh, getting tantalisingly close but never quite there.

You twitched slightly, frustrated at his teasing yet the way he suddenly sunk his teeth into your skin had you glad he shoved your panties in your mouth. Erwin smirked as he heard your muffled moan, his lips coming in to suck hickeys across your thighs. “I would usually agree that a pretty pussy like yours needs to be savored, but when you realise how much of a cum slut you really are, I guess its best not to play with my food when you barely deserve it in the first place.” Erwin smirked as he backed away from your weeping pussy, his hands leaving your ass and thighs to sit on his pants, which he was quick to undo.

“I do have a meeting in about 15 minutes, so I suppose I better be quick with you, kitten.” You felt his hardened cock rub between your thighs as he lent over and you moaned into the cotton stuffed inside your mouth, “You know I’ll just have to finish you off later tonight, really give you a drawn out punishment for what you’ve done.”

Erwin didn’t give you warning or time to adjust as he sunk himself balls deep into you. He growled, the sound primal and from the back of his throat as he pulled back and slammed himself into you again. You felt full, stretched and pushed to the brink as his cock filled you up. Erwin was bigger than anything you’d taken before - the first time he fucked you made you feel like a virgin again, yet you could take it. You were made for it the way he filled you up so perfectly, his cock rubbing the spot that had you biting hard down on your panties.

“Fuck kitten, you seem to just get tighter and tighter,” He groaned slightly, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to leave bruises as he plowed into you, his hips slamming into yours roughly and quickly.

Erwin didn’t hold back, his hands pulling you back onto his cock while his hips smashed into yours relentlessly. You felt your clit throb and you knew with how worked up he had you he didn’t even need to touch it to have you finish on his cock.

“Fuck kitten-” He moaned slightly, his thrusts speeding up as you felt him harden inside of you, one hand letting go of your hip to slap the front of your pussy.

The action made you cry out, the sound muffled by the panties in your mouth but still loud enough for Erwin to hear, for him to be encouraged to do it again because he knew just how much pain mixed with pleasure for you.

You felt the belt dig into your back as your arms pushed against your back for some sort of stability, Erwin grabbed your pussy with one hand your wrists with the other as he pushed you into the desk harder and pounded you further towards your release.

Your back arched involuntarily and you felt that bubble build up inside of you and Erwin getting close to popping it and sending you into the blissful abyss of your orgasm. The wood of the desk dug into your hips but the pain only made everything feel better, his fingers digging into your sensitive heat, the leather of the belt chaffing against your wrists, it all pushed you closer to that inevitable feeling of release.

And you could tell Erwin was close as well, his breathing was getting heavier, but his thrusts never got sloppier, he only went harder and more precise, he was focused on pushing you to your breaking point.

Which he did, you barely realised it before he landed a particularly hard thrust that had you tumbling towards your release. Your body was flooded with the pleasure pounding from your heat and Erwin groaned as he felt you clench around him from your orgasm, yet he didn’t let up his thrusts. He continued to pound you through it, his fingers digging tighter into your pussy as he held you firmer for him to fuck.

Until he had his own release spill into you, his thrusts stopping as he buried himself deep into your weeping pussy, a moan of your name falling off his lips as he spilt himself into you.

He stayed there like that for a second, his cock buried deep inside of you and letting himself recover from his own orgasm, letting a ring of white cum form at the base of cock as he filled you up with his own pleasure.

Erwin pulled out eventually, groaning slightly as he saw the white, hot seed that threatened to drip out of your wrecked pussy. He sighed gently, untying your wrists of his belt and pulling your panties out of your mouth.

“Fuck Erwin…” You moaned gently, pulling yourself up and letting your legs shake gently from the pleasure he had just given you.

His eyes flicked to you momentarily, his fingers tucking the ripped cotton of your panties into the drawer of his desk, “Remember kitten, no one can fuck you as good as that.”

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thank u for reading have a nice day uwu and if u can leave a like and reblog (〃＾▽＾〃)

#aot #attack on titan #erwin smith #erwin x reader #erwin smut #aot smut #attack on titan smut #anime #anime smut #erwin smith smut #erwin smith x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #anime x reader #anime fanfic #erwin fanfic #aot fanfic #attack on titan fanfic

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justimagineitblog · 4 years

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“You Used To Love Me” Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 6

A/N: hehehe here we gooo... chapter six!!!

Just a side note - I don’t want this Chapter to encourage women fighting or blaming the other woman for a mans behaviour - I believe in women sticking together! However, this chapter does contain some toxic female behaviour that we as humans fall into from time to time, that I do not condone !

I hope you enjoy my loves xx

I fiddle with my hands, bouncing my leg nervously in my chair as we wait for Michael and Gina to arrive to the meeting. They have no idea I’m going to be here. And honestly, I kind of wish I wasn’t here right now either. Tommy, Arthur and Polly all sit around the table as well, trying also act like they’re not nervous.

I couldn’t care less about what Gina might say. Or do. I just can’t stand to see Michael.

But before I have the opportunity to completely back out of this, the door knob turns and the both of them enter through the door. I jolt with shock in my seat, as my nerves are on high alert. Anything would set me off right now. They stall in the hall way first, as Michael takes off Gina’s coat. As I notice my heart rate elevating, I also notice that I’m staring at them.

God what do I do? Where am I supposed to look?

Michael walks into the room first before Gina, taking his hat of and looks up to greet everyone. His eyes shoot to me immediately. They widen. He stops dead in his tracks, like he’s just run into an invisible wall. He looks so pale that I could have sworn I physically saw the blood drain from his face. Hell, I’m sure mine’s not much different.

I will never get used to seeing him like this. Seeing us like this. Together in a room and not being greeting each other with a smile and a kiss, but instead with silent stares and tension that you could cut with a knife. This isn’t us. This will never be normal. No matter how much I am around him, this will always feel completely wrong. I have to face it; I feel completely wrong being in this world without him by my side.

I’m distracted from my thoughts when from behind the collar of his shirt I see him swallow, hard.

That is not like Michael. I know him. No matter how much he may feel like a stranger now, I still know him inside and out. And I know he has a poker face to kill. Under pressure, Michael is cold. Calm. Collected. He has to be in this business. But right now, I can see every single micro expression.

Why would he be acting like this if he hates me? If he truly doesn’t care for me anymore, if he doesn’t love me, then how come every time he see’s me he looks like a nervous school boy?

What is going on in your head, Michael Gray?

The painful silence of the room is bursted like a bubble when Gina walks into the room behind Michael.

And just like her husband, she freezes in her tracks. But unlike him, she doesn’t stand there speechless. Her face distorts into a scowl immediately as she eyes me up and down with disgust.

“What is she doing here?” she asks, not to dissimilar from a snake hissing.

I scoff, shaking my head. You’ve gotta hand it to her, she’s got some fucking balls. More balls than Michael.

“Trust me, I’m not thrilled about it either sweetheart” I reply, forcing a tight smile at her.

“Take a seat, Gina” Polly warns Gina, her voice harsh.

She keeps her eyes glued on me like a hawk, as Michael quickly launches into action and pulls out a chair for her and him to sit down at the table.

“Isabelle” Tommy begins, emphasising my name “Is here to work for us again, for the family” he emphasises “since thats what she is”

Gina’s mouth shoots open immediately, ready to interject. As if she has the right to speak up in a family meeting anyway. She’s hardly family. A ring doesn’t make you family.

“I’m not done,” Tommy growls, and Gina blinks rapidly. Not used to being told no, I assume.

“I don’t give a damn what anyone here thinks about this decision. I don’t give a damn about whatever has gone on here. If you’re as smart a business man as you want us to treat you as Michael, than I would think you can look past you and your wifes own personal… demands… to see that this is what the business needs. This isn’t about what you need. This is about the business” Tommy stops, letting it soak in “And she’s the best at what she does. The best we’ve ever had working for Shelby Limited. You can’t deny that, Michael. And we need her back. We need you back, Izzy”

There’s silence. Not that I expected Gina and Michael to be jumping for joy. I don’t dare look at Michael. I don’t want to see the look on his face. So I keep my eyes glued to the table.

“Now if anyone wants to speak, then speak. Gina, I’m sure you have something to say” Tommy scoffs as he sticks a cigarette in his mouth “Whatever you have to say, get it of your chest now. Because from this point forward, I won’t hear a word of it”

Tommy looks over at me, signalling me to speak. I shake my head at Tommy. He knows I have nothing to say to Michael. To Gina. To anyone.

I wait nervously as Tommy nods, turning his attention to Michael. But Michael doesn’t speak either.

When no one speaks, a baffled Gina begins to scoff and huff. Upset that she’s not getting her way I suppose. What do they call that? A tantrum?

“So that’s it? We don’t get to vote on this? Isn’t that what happens at these family meetings” She throws her hands up in the air before bringing them back down to slap the table.

I look up ever so slightly to see Tommy shaking his head, rubbing it in irritation at Gina squawking at him in her American accent.

To my left I spot Arthur, who is stifling a laugh as he takes a swig of his drink. A woman like Gina isn’t common around here- the way she carries on like it’s her god given right- I’m sure Arthur thinks the circus has come to town.

“This isn’t a voting matter” Tommy says, his voice firm “This is final”

But of course, Gina won’t take no for an answer. She turns her fit of anger towards Michael.

“Michael?” She begins, her voice high and shrill as she glares at him in bewilderment “Baby you’re not going to say anything? You know how this… how she… makes me feel” She hisses in his ear.

You’ve got yourself in trouble here haven’t you, Michael.

It’s a double edged sword, this is. And he knows it. I see him staring, paralysed, in the corner of my eyes. If he does stand up for Gina everyone in this room will think he’s completely brainwashed this time, they will never take his word about the business. But if he doesn’t speak up, he’s going to feel Gina’s wrath and it’s not pretty. And who knows what consequences that might hold for everyone. She already seems to have Michael strung up like her very own puppet. I’m betting he would do anything to appease an angry Gina. Maybe that’s how he got into this mess in the first place. One big old tantrum and the only way to suffice her rage was marriage? Of course I don’t know. But it doesn’t seem that unrealistic now that I’m learning more about this wicked woman he is married to.

Her demands at Michael drone on, and I can see the tension from Arthur, Polly and Tommy growing rapidly.

Tommy is about to explode. Jaw clenched tight, he glares at Michael, waiting impatiently for him to pull Gina back into line. Polly looks like she’s about to take a hand across Gina’s face. If this gets out of control, the fall out would be horrific. Gina may force Michael to cut ties with the family completely. Never see us again.

Finally, I look at Michael, who I’m shocked to find is already staring at me. Eyes widened, panicked, and screaming. He looks desperate for someone to say something. Before he does.

“Gina” I shout suddenly, almost taken aback by my own voice. But I remain steady, strong. I’ve opened my mouth now. I cannot back down. This needs to stop. Everyone’s heads shoot towards me, including Gina’s. She stares at me. Eyes wide open. Lips pursed tightly. I realise we’ve actually never spoken before. If I’m lucky this will be one of very few times I have to converse with such a horrid woman. I can feel Michael’s eyes burning into my like hot beams. I can’t imagine the back flips his stomach is doing waiting for what I might say. Actually, I can imagine. That’s exactly how he made me feel the day he came to visit me in my apartment. Good. I hope it hurts just as badly as it did for me. I turn in my seat, facing Gina head on.

“You want to live here, right? In your big house in the country? With your husband? Lot’s of kids? Well I promise you, that I will make this company enough money for you to buy your precious mansion 5 times over. Because despite your conspiracy, I have no desire to ruin your marriage. So just let me do my job, and I’ll stay out of your way while I do it. Deal?”

“Like I would take your word” she grills me “I know what your agenda is here”

I momentarily flicker my eyes towards Michael, and watch his move uncomfortably in his seat. Squirming.

“Actually my agenda was to be anywhere but here. I was abiding by you and your husbands demands. Gladly. But here we are”

“So you’re telling me I have to believe you’re just here to work? Seriously?”

“What do you think I have to gain from this, Gina?”

“Everything” she replies, and that word guts me. Everything. I thought I had everything. But my everything is hers now.

“I already lost that” I say, shaking my head. Without needing specifics, she know’s exactly what I’m talking about. I lost my everything to her.

Gina stares at me, her jaw clenching like she has many words she would like to say to me right now, but she never speaks.

Because she knows I’m right. And if she is as smart as she is cunning and calculating, then she is realising that her mouth should stay shut.

She folds her arms across her chest, then sits back in her seat.

“Michael? Anything to add?” Tommy pushes him to speak.

“It’s whats best for the business” his voice is low and gruff.

Gina’s head shoots towards him, and her face twists into a look I’ve never seen before. She is absolutely fuming.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” She exclaims “Are you serious right now Michael?”

He doesn’t dare reply.

“I think he’s serious, sweetheart” Polly says, when Michael doesn’t speak.

With a huff she stands abruptly, shoving her chair back.

“Don’t you see it? She is jealous! She’s here to worm her way in between us and ruin our marriage-“

“Gina that is enough!” Michael’s voice booms through the room as he shouts at his wife.

Michael never raises his voice. He certainly never raised it at me. Not even once. And rarely at anyone else. He always said he thought people only yelled to overcompensate. That fact that she pushed him to that point, speaks volumes. But his yelling isn’t the only thing that shocks me. The realisation soon sets in that he just… defended me….

Everyone’s eyes are glued to Gina as her neck grows into a bright red, followed quickly by her cheeks blushing violently.

She spins on her heels rapidly, storming out of the room. We listen as she snatches her coat of the hanger and blazes out the front door, slamming it behind her with rage.

Michael rubs the back of his neck, his head hanging in defeat and embarrassment.

“Michael, I’m sorry-“ I breathe, feeling horrible. This is all my fault. I should never have come here.

He stands to leave, straightening his tie and his collar nervously before he looks over at me.

“No, I’m sorry Izzy” he shakes his head at me, his voice quiet. Our eyes lock, once again. He holds my gaze this time. He looks… tired. Completely exhausted. He leaves the room, and soon after we hear him leave through the front door.

I stare in his direction. Frozen. Why was he… defending me? Why was he going against Gina for my sake? And I’m terrified. Terrified of the consequences and punishment he will suffer from for doing so.

“Are you okay?” I hear Polly ask, and I nod my head, but I don’t mean it. I’m just in autopilot. I couldn’t be more confused. The way he looked at me… his face shrouded in shame, regret, exhaustion, defeat, sorrow, guilt. All of those and a million others that would take me hours to comb through and differentiate.

Now I know what they meant. Tommy, Polly and Arthur. When they talked about something not being quite right. About something hiding behind his eyes. That he is different with Gina…

Does Michael still have feelings for me? He used to. All of that love, that bond, cannot just disappear. Maybe I haven’t lost him. Not completely. Maybe my Michael is still there… But what is he hiding?

Does Michael still love me?

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ferallymine · 3 years

Text

Worldbreaker Part 2

A/n: Hi i exist sometimes.

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“You burned?” Shoto caressed Mardea’s back gently. He wasn’t one for great amounts of physical affection unless she instigated it.

Her left arm stretched out, “You can’t see it now, but there were black burned scars all up and down my arms. It was so painful to move. Healing it was even worse- which was why my body ached and skin was so tender.”

“And the easy bruise,” Shoto’s fingers ghosted her collarbone, the black and blue visible from her tank top pajamas- still fresh from hours before. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there…”

“We couldn’t have known,” Mardea slouched forward, face resting in the crook of his neck. “Honey I’m so scared and tired…” Tears escaped and landed on his cotton t-shirt.

He froze, not knowing where to put his hands. Does he hug her? Rub her back? Sometimes she likes head pets… Shoto settled on a hug, careful to his placement of his arms to not startle her.

“Don’t let go.” A whisper of longing. He knows that she knows his limits with physical affection. He can stop and she’ll understand. But what would that make him- just like his father? He shouldn’t abandon his love when she gets scared, which wasn’t often, if ever.

“I won’t.” Resolve to be here, in this moment, just doing his best to comfort her.

A cool draft whisked through his room. Shoto pulled one blanket from the end of the bed up to cover their legs and feet. Another one was behind Mardea’s head. Slowly reaching over, he was able to drape it over her shoulders.

“Thank you,” She pulled him closer, entirely eliminating the space between them. The thought that she held him this way for fear of either of them disappearing tugged his heartstrings.

-----

Hello, pumpkin.

A knee-jerk reaction, Mardea teleported from Shoto’s sleeping embrace to near the closet door. She landed with a thud on the floor. That’ll definitely bruise.

Aw, how cute.

Mardea’s ears couldn’t hear anything in the room besides her own thundering heartbeat. Where was the source of this voice? Was she here? If anything happened to Shoto then nothing in this world would protect that stranger from Mardea’s red fury.

I’m outside. Come walk with me.

“Fucking hell,” Mardea whispered, standing up as quietly as she could. Was it risky doing what this woman said and not telling anyone? Yes. Was it equally as risky to not obey? Yes, and it put the others in danger.

Mardea threw on a sweatshirt and pants then slipped out the window, landing on the fresh earth. It was cold against her bare feet. The night air was still, as if afraid of what lurked within itself.

Leaves crunched around the back corner of the dorm. A bolt was in her hands, illuminating the area as Mardea jumped out ready to attack. But nothing was there.

“Pumpkin, don’t be so reckless.” The change to lilac was instantaneous as the woman appeared behind her. “Still a bit afraid, aren’t you?”

Mardea stayed silent; the bolt desummoned from her hand as the woman walked around to face her.

Her hair obstructed most of her face, “You’ve got much to learn if you want to control energy instead of it controlling you. Like your lilac right now.”

“You need to leave me and my loved ones alone.” Crimson strands.

“Ah, little one, you’re so closed minded.” The woman let out a little laugh, “You think this is a villainous endeavor?” She placed a gloved hand on the coarse brick. “This is purely about you bettering yourself. And unlike the fools in there who are trying desperately to train you with no idea how, I know exactly what you need and how to strengthen you.”

“…how do you know?”

An unsettling grin, “I am so glad you asked.”

Her gloved hand quickly swiped over the brick. Where her hand had been was replaced with brown energy. With a snap of her fingers, the energy turned into a view of the dorm rooftop.

Mardea just stared, “…wha-” A shove and she went through.

“That, little one,” Mardea turned to see the woman walk through and snap again, closing the brown energy circle, “…is one of many things I can teach you. My name is Vera, and I was the first person with an energy manipulation quirk.”

Her brows furrowed in a vain attempt to understand the situation, “If you were the first, I’d have heard about you in classes, right?”

Laughter. The woman, Vera, slightly bent at the waist, wiping a tear from her eyes hiding behind her hair. “You have too much faith in your education, little one. People like us don’t fit the narrative, so they write and write and educate and brainwash until we simply no longer exist. Your teachers didn’t even know energy quirks existed until you showed up, didn’t they? Have you gotten any education, training, or even advice about how to control your quirk?”

“I… uh…”

“No, they push you to the side and tell you to figure it out.” Vera straightened and walked to the front edge of the building. “You have no one too look up to for help. When you get positive results, you’re praised, but when you struggle, they put you in a ‘meditation room’ so they don’t have to tell you how to get better.”

“Izzy has All Might…..guess Bakugo has him too… Shoto has Endeavour, technically speaking…”

Vera turned suddenly, holding her arms out wide, “And you, Miss Lin, could have me as your mentor, if you wish.”

Was this Mardea’s future if she didn’t accept? Her work and efforts all made on her own- no real guidance to set her straight. Full potential never achieved due to her own ignorance, or willful neglect of an offer right here on this cold dreary rooftop.

Sure, Aizawa tried his best and knew how to calm her down- but he wasn’t always there. She couldn’t count on him in a battle if things got rough with her energy. Midnight didn’t exactly offer great teachings either, instead focusing on Mardea’s….er… natural charisma to aid in battle. Fucking All Might himself can barely assist because he’s so focused on his own charade and helping Izzy take his place.

What did she have to lose?

“…Okay.”

“You accept my offer?”

Mardea stepped forward until she was within arm’s reach of Vera, “Yes, I accept.”

A smirk, “First lesson, show me what you got-“

And then Mardea was shoved off the roof.

-----

It felt that time slowed down as Mardea descended towards the ground. Was this a cruel joke? Had she just made a disastrous mistake?

She glanced at the dorm as she fell. There was a bird’s nest by the window of Kirishima’s room. A robin was asleep in it.

Bird.

Wings.

Hawks.

Summoning the memories of that night with the number two hero, Mardea’s hair turned white.

-----

Vera leaned over the edge, hoping she needn’t save her new student. A blur of white pushed past, nearly knocking her over. It flew through the clouds.

“Farther along than I thought,” Vera snapped her fingers, creating a platform to meet her in the sky.

-----

It’s quiet up here.

A cloud trail followed her into this space above the clouds- nothing but the stars and the moon keeping her company in the purple twilight. Mardea never fully thought and meditated on the ivory glow now outlining her fingertips and eyes.

Angelic.

“You’ve done well.” Vera’s voice broke the serenity Mardea found in the silence.

“You pushed me!”

“I would’ve saved you if you didn’t react.”

“Teachers don’t jeopardize their students’ lives.”

“Please, you jeopardize your lives every day in that school. You do so even more when you search for your brother.”

Crimson.

“Don’t get angry with me, little one. I came with good intentions and speaking only truth.”

Mardea’s wings collapsed, the energy reforming to match Vera’s platform. “I didn’t trust you much before that stunt, and that level certainly didn’t go up after.”

“Aw, pumpkin. Find solace in the fact that you’re farther along than I originally thought.” She crossed her arms, “I didn’t think you’d have figured out how to make wings work.”

A shrug, “Guess you should start giving me more credit.”

The platform shifted with each step Vera took away from Mardea. She had to walk with her to keep from falling again.

“I’ve seen the footage of your UA tournament battles. You have an…average range of colors.”

“Average?”

“There was bystander footage of your development of white, too. I’m glad to see that your body does react to the different pulls of energy in the world.” A sudden stop. “What’s curious is why more haven’t manifested at this point.” She turned to face Mardea, moon perfectly centered behind her, “Do you suppress your emotions or do you intentionally try and connect them to things outside your mind?”

A pause, “…I allow myself to feel things but it never occurred to me to try that.”

A cheeky grin, “That is your first lesson, pumpkin. Now go get some sleep!” Vera’s gloved hands clapped twice.

Green glowing energy outlines Mardea’s figure. Suddenly, she was back in Shoto’s dorm, laying on top of the blankets he’d gently pulled above her just hours before.

But he wasn’t there.

“Shoto?” Mardea tried to whisper to not wake the neighboring students. Or Aizawa. He’d kick their asses for breaking the bedroom rule. Feet touching the wood floor, she tiptoed to the door and opened slightly, peering into the hallway.

At the end of the hall, the elevator door opened. Shoto stepped out, looking concerned.

“Shoto!” A harsh loud whisper to get his attention. He seemed to perk up after seeing her in the doorway, and quickened his pace.

“Where did you go? I thought you went to your room.” Shoto closed the door behind him, taking Mardea’s hand with his free one. He felt colder than usual.

“She called out to me.”

“The woman from yesterday?” Brief panic “I didn’t hear anything…”

“No it was… like a mental connection. Telepathy, I guess? She talked to me for a bit. Anyway it was a lot and I’m really tired. I’ll tell you and Aizawa everything in the morning, okay?”

“…okay.”

“Shoto, is something wrong?” Mardea pulled him forward, letting them both sit on his bed.

Just talk to her dammit

“No.” Eyes drifted to the floor

“Don’t lie to me, Shoto.” Her hand squeezed his briefly, “You don’t have to tell me now, but don’t lie to me.”

Just TALK TO HER GODDAMMIT

“…I woke up… and… you were gone…”

“Did that-“

“You scared me.” Eyes still finding the floor fascinating. “You usually…” a breath, “Fuck, I know what I want to say but it won’t come out!” Shoto stood up in frustration, leaving Mardea on the bed. Both hands rolled through his hair.

“Shoto it’s oka-“

“No it’s not!” He realized how loud his voice was getting. He knelt to the floor, “Dea…” A shakier breath. Mardea knelt down to the floor beside him, giving him time to speak. “I want to… I want to help you and protect you but how am I supposed to do that when this woman can just… talk to you and bother you whenever she wants?”

There was genuine pain in his eyes. It made Mardea’s heart hurt.

“What am I supposed to do if she hurts you?” A single tear ran down his face.

She placed a hand on his face, thumb wiping away his tear, “I don’t know, Shoto.”

Ice seized his right side, leaving an intricate layer of frost. His breathing became uneven, ragged. Pupils constricted; eyes wide. Panic attack on the floor of his dorm at 3 in the morning. Panic. Panic. Panic panic panicpanicpanicpanic-

“It’ll be okay, love.” Mardea pulled him close, letting him lay on her as she leaned against the bed. The weight of his body on hers helped ease her racing heartbeat. “We’ll find a way to make it safe.” She kissed his hair, using her free hand to rub his unfrosted back. “You’re not going to lose me, Shoto.”

All the words she hoped he needed to hear. Hoped he could hear amidst the intrusive thoughts racing his mind.

As the minutes went by, they both calmed down. Too tired to move, Mardea used her quirk to teleport them to bed for the last remaining hours of nighttime.

#mardea lin #shoto todoroki #oc #original character #mha #bnha #my hero academia #if you look closely you can see where i picked up inspo from into the unknown from frozen 2

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sugarandspace · 5 years

Text

Day 4 - Human Shield (AO3)

Realistically Magnus knew that if the situation ever arose where the only way to save his life would be for Alec to put his own in danger, Alec would not hesitate. He’d just been hoping that they would never face such situation. But as it so often is, even this fear had to come true.

The battle is a blur of friends and demons, of weapons and claws. But it all seems to come to a stop when Magnus sees Alec fall to the ground.

He reacts quickly, killing the demon that sunk its claws deep into the flesh of Alec’s shoulder. The fight goes on around them but all Magnus can focus on is Alec and the blood that’s seeping to his jacket.

Alec falls, his knees hitting the ground hard before he starts to fall forward. Magnus steadies him and lowers him on the dirty street, but the only stains he’s worried about are the pools of red spreading from the wounds onward. He’s bleeding too fast.

“What did you do?!” Magnus says to him as he rips the already ruined shirt open to be able to assess the wound better. He halfheartedly notices that the rest of their group is fighting around them, covering their backs as Magnus focuses on Alec.

“Saved your life,” Alec says. He aims for a light tone but it falls flat when his face twists in pain and he sucks in a sharp breath. IT reminds Magnus too much of a night when they were in a position too similar to this, except that time Alec had an arrow in his chest. At that moment Magnus truly hates their lives and how often their jobs put them in the line for danger.

“More like risked yours,” Magnus replies and presses his hand to the wound, both to slow the bleeding and to give them more time, and to be able to push the healing magic straight into the tissues that were damaged.

“It depends-” Alec starts but he has to stop for a moment so he can focus on breathing through the pain. “- it depends on the perspective.”

Magnus doesn’t reply and instead focuses on healing. It’s the fear of losing Alec, and the reality that if it were to happen it would be because of him, because of his carelessness and the fact that he wasn’t enough - wasn’t a good enough fighter, wasn’t a good enough healer - that pushes Magnus right to his limits. Everyone is still busy around them, and there’s no one there to lend Magnus any strength, so he goes further than he knows he should.

All he feels is the flow of magic, and the desperation for it to work, and then a second later he feels nothing, the fatigue winning over willpower and claiming him to darkness.

When he wakes up, he has no idea where he is. When he gets his bearings back enough to recognize the ceiling and the wall in front of his bed as the institute infirmary, it takes him a moment longer to remember what happened for him to end up in there.

When he remembers, he’s thrown to panic.

He sits up so fast he feels he might faint and looks around the room, trying to find anyone who could reply to his question, the only one that matters to him at the moment. But he sees the reply with his own eyes when he sees that Alec is sitting on the bed next to his.

“Alexander,” he breathes out, and Alec smiles to him faintly.

They’re not the only ones in the room. Magnus can see Izzy, Clary, and Jace around the beds as well, but his only focus is on Alec.

“Are you okay?” He asks. Alec looks okay - he’s sitting up and he’s smiling and he’s breathing and there’s no blood on his plain infirmary clothes - but Magnus needs to be sure.

“I am,” Alec replies. “Thanks to you.”

Magnus sighs in relief, but he’s barely able to do so before Alec continues.

“That was incredibly reckless.”

The worry that had been lingering and holding Magnus’ heart tight moves onto the background as the words register.

“I was reckless?” He asks, making sure he understood right.

“You used too much magic,” Alec says, and Magnus can’t believe his words.

“Guys-” Izzy starts but Magnus silences her with a glare.

“There’s no such thing as too much when we are talking about your life!” He exclaims as he looks back to Alec. He’s unable to keep his tone calm. “By the looks of it the amount of magic I used was enough, and by what I could feel when you were lying on the ground bleeding out because of me, I know that the more accurate term would be ‘barely enough’.”

Alec doesn’t reply and he turns his eyes towards the floor. Magnus can’t quite decipher the emotion in them. Guilt? Shame? Sadness?

“If anyone was reckless, it was you.”

This probably isn’t the place or the time for an argument, but the emotions are still running high and Magnus needs to get them out, and he assumes the situation is the same for Alec as well. The others look from the side and Magnus is glad they don’t interfere again.

Alec looks back up at Magnus, and the expression on his face is determined.

“The demon was going to kill you,” he says, and Magnus envies the way Alec doesn’t shout. His words are steady and calm, but there’s a clear edge of anger in them as well. “Who would have healed you, if it had hit you in the chest like it was going to? This way we had a chance and we both lived.”

“Are you seriously telling me that you took that into consideration? That you thought of it logically before you jumped in front of your possible death?” Magnus challenges.

“No.”

“See, that was reckless.”

“Are you mad at me because I love you?” Alec asks, and Magnus has to stop and think.

Because that's exactly it. He’s angry because he loves Alexander and he was worried he was going to lose him today. The reminder of how easily it could happen brought on a load of emotions Magnus can’t control, so he’s trying to control the situation, is trying to make Alec realize that the same can't happen again.

But he loves every part of Alec, even the one that’s willing to sacrifice anything for the ones he loves. Magnus happens to have the painful luck to be counted into that group and that’s just something he has to live with for the rest of their life.

He doesn’t argue further, and all the fight has left his tone when he replies.

“I love you too.”

Alec seems to understand, and his expression turns gentler as well.

Their moment is broken when Jace talks.

“Since neither of you is allowed to leave the bed, I almost feel like we should push your beds closer together so you could kiss now,” he says and Magnus remembers suddenly that they are not alone in the room.

“I’m not opposed to the idea,” he says and as he sees the smile on Alec’s face, he knows that they will be fine.

#malec #shadowhunters #alec lightwood #magnus bane #shfanficnexus #my writing #jenna writes whumptober #technically it's past midnight but shhhh #shadowhunters is set in new york and that's 7 hours behind me so it's okay #also #no mcd even tho it might look like it in the beginning!

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carmenlire · 5 years

Text

Don’t Leave Me Now

(TW for explicit mentions of canon-compliant self-harm and depression)

read on ao3

He’s losing his goddamn mind.

Alec stares blankly at his open word document. He’s supposed to be writing this month’s report-- due to the Clave at the end of the day tomorrow-- but as he watches the cursor blink slowly on the screen, he feels nothing.

With a deep sigh, as if he can exhale this feeling that's crawling its way into his chest, Alec’s focus switches to the stained glass window. He looks but it’s almost as if he doesn’t see. He feels the weight of Atlas on his shoulders and distantly wonders if it’s back.

It’s been so long since he’s been bad-- bad enough to be noticeable, at any rate. There have been bad days and weeks where he felt less than his best, times when he yearned for his old coping methods like a child wants its favorite blanket.

It’s been ages since he felt the darkness rolling in, though, like an inky wave.

He’s grown so much from that angry, apathetic man who quietly agonized over his future and present. The past few years have been busy and stressful but he’s had Magnus at his side and that’s made all the difference. He worked hard to change his outlook and with Magnus in his life, his days are already brightened considerably.

Still, Alec’s always quietly feared that those feelings would come back, always hovering just under the surface. He’s gotten a small taste of that ash coated despair, dipping his toes in without meaning to a few times over the years.

If he lets himself think about it, he feels like he’s already up to his knees and the tide is as swift as ever, threatening to pull him in over his head.

He’s talked things through with Magnus before-- when he wakes up feeling not right, like everything is just wrong. He knows from prior experience that he has tells. Sometimes, it takes a little while for him to figure out that he’s steadily moving down that checklist but once he does, he can feel the ticking of a clock, ominous in his periphery.

That clock is ticking now and he doesn’t have the energy to care. He knows that he should care that things are piling up and that just waking up lately fills him with dread but it seems like a distant concern. The real Alec is shouting from a distance but he’s left here, going through the motions.

Check.

He feels empty, drained. Disconnected from the chaotic control of the Institute. Emotions are exhausting and whether it’s Izzy excitedly rambling about a new weapon design or Jace prattling on about his hot date, Alec can’t find it in himself to give a damn. Looking like he gives a damn-- staying tuned into the conversation enough to keep up-- is a herculean task that leaves him feeling somehow guilty. He feels like he’s faking his interest and it’s another thing to add to the list.

Check.

Alec closes burning eyes and feels traitorous tears start to form. He’s tired. He’s so fucking tired and it’s challenging as hell to run the Institute, to keep up appearances, when it’s a herculean task in itself just to get out of goddamn bed in the morning.

That other thing that he resolutely rationalizes so that he can still have plausible deniability is just icing on a too-sweet cake.

Check.

Intellectually, there’s a faint glimmer of what he should do. He should talk to someone-- Magnus or Jace or, hell, Simon. He should maybe take some time off, spend a few days recharging without expectation. He can go to the training room or just take a damn walk and see if that makes the shadows dissipate, if even just a little.

With that thought, Alec stands up, pushing his chair away from his desk. He feels out of focus and everything is hazy at the edges.

Nothing feels real and Alec swallows the panic that lodges in his throat at the realization. He's been here before, after all, and he knows that that means.

Alec is a lot of things but he’s first and foremost a shadowhunter. He’s honed his body over hours and hours and hours of training and field experience. He’s comfortable with his body. He knows his limits and when he needs to get out of his head, he knows where to go.

He spends a few minutes in his bathroom, changing out of his suit and into workout gear-- just tapered sweats and a tank with cut off sleeves.

He strides through the halls of his Institute, gratified to see everyone with their heads down, working. No one bothers him and Alec’s thankful for that. He’s so preoccupied with getting to the training room that he doesn’t see the pair look up at his presence and freeze, sharing worried and knowing looks as their brother does his best to appear invisible.

Alec enters the training room, immediately hitting the switch to obscure the windows.

He doesn’t want anyone to catch a glimpse of this session.

He decides with minimal thought not to wrap his hands as he steps up to the punching bag. He jumps up and down on the balls of his feet a few times and feels anticipation like a live wire. He knows that he’s walking a dangerously fine line but he can’t deny the buzz that he feels from being so close to release.

This used to be a tried and true method to break through the haze. While it’s true that Alec regularly uses the training room to work out his frustrations with the Clave or to keep in mission-ready shape, it’s been ages since he deliberately went with the intention of feeling the ache in his muscles and pain in his hands.

He knows his limits, remembers them well from his few slip ups after meeting Magnus. He rationalizes it-- just a few minutes, one solid punch. He won’t fall back down that tragic rabbit hole.

He just needs a taste to clear his head, to make him feel something.

Alec stretches his arms out behind him before dropping into a sparring stance. He hits the bag with a right punch and feels the impact sing up his arm.

It’s like a deep breath after almost drowning. It’s been ages since Alec felt the satisfaction that comes explicitly from withstanding pain and he wants more.

He always wants more.

He loses himself in the familiar rhythm. His hands are sore and as he lands punch after jab after hit, he craves more in an endless cycle that he remembers well.

He resolutely decides not to think about how he is imperceptibly close to crossing that line.

He chokes the thought that he’s already crossed it.

Sweat pours down his back, falls into his eyes and even as he furiously blinks it away, he savors that tinge of discomfort, too. It means that he’s doing something, something good, productive.

He loses track of time but doesn't stop. No, he doesn’t stop as his arms start to feel like dead weight. He breathes through the pain like he taught himself so long ago and relishes the burn.

He doesn’t immediately recognize the wet areas on the black punching bag. When he does, he figures it’s sweat.

When he realizes that it’s blood, each forceful hit now splitting his knuckles, he can’t stop.

He doesn’t want to stop.

He has the vague thought that he wants to go until he can’t go anymore. He wants to keep going until there’s nothing left of him. He wants to pour himself out until he's as empty as he feels.

Christ, he’s so tired.

Lost in his head, in the rhythmic pounding of his fists that resonates in the room, Alec doesn’t hear the door open or hear the sharp intake of breath.

He does hear the voice that calls out, though, tone patient and calm.

“Alexander.”

Alec throws out an arm to stop the bag’s momentum and as it jars his forearm it’s like there are two versions of him.

One is cursing at how he could have been so stupid as to not hear Magnus come in, at himself for not telling him that things have been getting bad lately.

Another part, though, doesn’t feel anything. He knows in his head that this is bad but he’s too exhausted to care.

Alec doesn’t turn around, doesn’t acknowledge his boyfriend. Instead, he lays his forehead against the punching bag and focuses on not losing it. His breathing is harsh in the stillness of the room and Alec suddenly, desperately wishes that he had his bow with its razor edged string pulled taut.

Alec doesn’t startle when a hand carefully runs through his sweat-soaked hair. He keeps his eyes closed and works on his breathing, trying to get it under control.

Neither one says anything for long moments and Alec doesn’t want to see Magnus. He knows what he looks like-- what they both look like.

Alec probably looks like a disaster with empty eyes and bruised knuckles. Magnus will look worried and disappointed and Alec can’t face that right now.

He knows what he has to say, though, even if the words leave him feeling hollow.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters hoarsely and tries not to flinch when the hand in his hair freezes.

“Darling, please look at me,” Magnus says, voice achingly gentle. He resumes his stroking and Alec reluctantly raises his head, taking a shuddering breath before opening his eyes.

To his relief, Magnus doesn’t look like he’s casting judgement. His gaze is steady as he moves a hand to brush over Alec’s cheek, down his jaw.

It’s a minute of Magnus studying Alec before his eyes immediately fall down to where Alec’s hands are hanging at his sides.

“May I,” he asks and looks like he’d accept any answer.

Alec can feel the sting of his knuckles, hears the infinitesimally small sound of blood dripping to the floor. Internally, he winces.

“Yeah.”

His voice is short, clipped, but Magnus doesn’t hesitate before reaching down and lifting both of his hands up between them.

Biting his lip at the damage, Alec feels equal parts proud and devastated. The rush is draining and he’s left feeling worse than before-- especially as he resorted to a method he hasn’t tried in years.

His hands are a vibrant blue and purple. He knuckles are split and bleeding sluggishly. Alec grimaces as he tries to flex them and hates himself for wanting to chase the sensation.

Magnus doesn’t say a word and with his face down-turned, Alec can’t quite grasp his expression. He heals Alec’s hands and Alec has to bite his tongue from uttering a refusal.

The blue of Magnus’s magic is soothing and Alec calms a little just from the sight, from the feeling of it brushing his body like wisps of cool air on a hot summer day.

When that’s done, Magnus opens a portal and Alec follows him without a word. They land in the loft and Alec thinks about retreating for a shower but Magnus doesn’t let go of his hand as he leads them to the couch, pulling him down to sit next to him.

The only sound in the apartment is the ticking of the grandfather clock and Alec is exhausted. He just wants to go to sleep and pretend that this day never happened. He just wants to sleep for a few days-- a few months-- and then maybe everything wouldn’t feel like so much fucking effort.

Magnus pulls him closer to his side and Alec slides down the couch a little so that he can tuck his head under Magnus’s chin. He thinks that Magnus should probably find him kinda gross but Magnus just hums and slowly sweeps a hand across his shoulders, seemingly unfazed.

The silence isn’t oppressive by any means but now that the cat’s out of the bad, it seems useless to stave away the inevitable conversation.

“I haven’t been feeling the best.”

Alec’s voice is quiet in the stillness of the room and Magnus doesn’t stop his ministrations as he asks, “Want to talk about it?”

With that innocuous question, it’s like the floodgates have opened. Alec talks-- first faltering, but then his voice grows increasingly steady-- telling Magnus about how the past few weeks have just been too much. That he’s tired all the time and feels like he’s always behind, and everything is so much effort.

He explains that it feels like he’s acting all the time and that he feels disconnected from the rest of the world. Rambling for long minutes, Alec doesn’t know if it’s helping but he can’t deny that it feels like a weight off his chest that Magnus knows.

It wasn’t that he was keeping it from Magnus or that he didn't trust him. Truthfully, Magnus’s workload has been busy as hell this month. He’s been traveling across the world every week, a different place each time, and that’s in addition to his regular duties as the High Warlock of Brooklyn and a warlock in New York.

Alec didn’t want to burden him because he knew that if he told Magnus-- well, it would make it that much more real. He wouldn’t be able to hide things from himself any longer. Magnus would worry when he really didn’t need to and it would all around be terrible.

Alec tries to ignore the obvious thought that maybe Magnus does need to worry, if the scene he’d walked in on was any indication.

Magnus lets Alec talk until he has nothing more to say, all the while listening intently if silently. Once Alec winds down-- with another apology and reassurance that he won’t ever do it again-- Magnus kisses the top of his head before moving until he’s facing Alec.

Magnus takes his hands, carefully, and stares down at them for a long moment before his gaze comes back up to meet Alec’s eyes.

“Thank you for telling me everything, Alec. I know that it couldn’t have been easy but I’m proud of you nonetheless.”

Alec tries to swallow the lump in his throat at the words. Magnus shouldn’t be proud of Alec-- not when he was so weak as to fall back down.

As if he can read Alec’s thoughts, Magnus leans in and his voice takes a fierce tone, as though he’ll get Alec to hear him through sheer force alone.

“You are the strongest person that I’ve ever met. Just because you had a slip-up, just because you find yourself anchor-less in that dark swirling sea, doesn’t mean that it’s your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. The fact that you do get up every morning and you work as Head of the Institute, all the while you feel like dying inside, is a testament to that incredible strength.”

Clearing his throat, Alec looks down at the joined hands. It’s not that he doesn't believe Magnus, at least on some level. He’s looked up depression and he knows that shadowhunters in general have more than their fair share of mental health issues. Intellectually, he knows that it isn’t weakness to struggle.

That doesn’t help his head though.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t come to me with the sooner, darling. I would have whisked us away for a little while-- or we could have holed up in here and I would have held you until everything didn’t seem so dark.”

Alec looks up at Magnus, confused. “You’ve been busy.”

Magnus returns his confused look. “So?”

Shrugging, Alec says, “You shouldn’t have to worry about me and you had other things to do that are infinitely more important.”

Magnus’s face takes on a new kind of urgency as he raises his hands to cup Alec’s face, thumbs sweeping down his cheeks. He doesn’t let Alec shy away from his gaze. “There is nothing more important to me than you, Alexander. I don’t care what I’m doing or where I am-- if you need me, I want to be there for you. Worrying about you is one of the greatest privileges of my life and I would thank you not to rob me of it,” he adds, smiling faintly.

Alec’s lips twitch as he looks down, trying to hide in Magnus’s palm unsuccessfully. “Still,” he says, closing his eyes. “I should be past this. My life is pretty damn perfect these days but lately it just seems like too much. I’m afraid it’s back,” he whispers and hates how defenseless he sounds.

“Depression doesn’t care what’s going on in your life, darling,” Magnus says, moving closer and touching his forehead gently to Alec’s. “It can come back whenever it damn well feels like it and sometimes it reappears without you noticing until it’s already burrowed its way back into your chest.”

Alec listens to Magnus as he concentrates on his breathing. He smells Magnus’s cologne and that helps soothe him, just a little. “Thank you.”

Magnus kisses Alec’s forehead before returning to his previous position. “No need to thank me, darling. You’ve been there for me when my own demons came crawling back and I refuse to do anything but be there for you. You only have to say the word, Alexander, and I’ll come running.”

Alec smiles faintly as he lets the word soak into him. It disappears, though, when he remembers what Magnus walked in on earlier.

“I’m-- I’m sorry for what you saw today.”

Magnus pulls back and looks at Alec for a long minute before shifting. He moves until he can throw a leg over Alec’s waist and settles down, straddling him. This close, all Alec can focus on is Magnus and it settles something in him as he places his hands on Magnus’s sides, the contact grounding him.

“I’m sorry that you were feeling so much that you hurt yourself. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to distract you or talk you down. I’m sorry that you were suffering so long in silence. You have nothing to be sorry for, however. I don’t blame you. I’m not angry with you. You haven’t disappointed me. I don’t think differently of you.”

Alec’s head snaps up as he hears Magnus rattle off his biggest anxieties about having his boyfriend see him like this. Alec is a soldier, he’s a leader. He always has his shit together, even if it sometimes-- and more often these days-- feels like his mask is crumbling to dust.

“Yeah,” Alec asks, voice hoarse.

Something shifts in Magnus’s expression and he leans down to place the softest of kisses on Alec’s mouth. Pulling back, Magnus breathes, “Of course. I love you, Alexander, and nothing could change that or could make me love you less. Certainly not watching you fight against an invisible, insidious enemy.”

Alec takes a minute to focus on Magnus’s words and feels some of the tension seep from him. “I promise not to do it again,” he says, making the vow as he says the words.

Magnus smiles and it’s just a touch sad. “I appreciate that, darling, but I’d rather you didn’t. It’s an admirable goal and I believe you can do it but if for some reason-- tomorrow or next year or next decade-- you find yourself back in a room training just to bleed then I don’t want an added worry that you broke a promise or somehow disappointed me.”

Magnus kisses Alec’s forehead again, his cheeks and nose and eyes. “As long as you try, as long as you fight, I will never be anything but impressed and proud of you.”

Alec feels tears welling and he pulls Magnus close, burying his head against his boyfriend’s neck.

Magnus doesn’t say anything else, just hold Alec just as tightly and soothes with tiny touches.

After a while, Alec pulls back and is pleasantly surprised to see that the weight feels a little less oppressive than it did this morning.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Alexander,” Magnus replies, smiling softly.

Alec grimaces, shifting. “Is it okay if I take a shower now?”

Magnus laughs before climbing off his lap. “Of course, darling. If it’s okay with you, I might join you.”

Alec nods and the two of them head to their bathroom. The shower is hot-- but not enough to burn-- and they share lingering, reassuring touches as they both wash the day away. Magnus turns the water off as Alec grabs a towel and just a few minutes later, they’re in pajamas.

After a little debate, they order a pizza and spend the next couple of hours on the couch, eating until they’re stuffed and watching some HGTV show where couples buy their first house.

They make it an early night and when Alec climbs in bed, he feels innumerable relief. He tucks his head under Magnus’s chin and throws a leg over his hip. He’s wearing one of Magnus’s hoodies and feels warm, at ease, in a way he hasn’t been in weeks. Magnus slides a hand under the hoodie to rest against his back and Alec hums, content.

He falls asleep easily, wrapped around Magnus.

If he takes the next day off-- and the day after that-- then Izzy and Jace just have Magnus to thank when their brother returns to the Institute looking healthier and happier than they can remember in longer than they’d care to think.

Alec might not be one hundred percent when he returns to the Institute but he is better. In the back of his mind, he knows that he has Magnus to help him and it makes him stronger somehow.

Alec fights-- every damn day-- until one day he doesn’t need to fight quite as hard.

Until one day, he doesn’t have to fight at all.

#my writing #malec fic #don't leave me now #I'm highkey obsessed with that bts song lol #it's all I've listened to today

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eversall · 6 years

Note

Jimon #9? Cause i love that drama 👌👌

okay idk who this is but 9 isn’t dramatic but I’m gonna do it for you anyway and then if you find the one you wanted anon i guess prompt me again????

a note: they play a drinking game called paranoia in this. you sit in a circle. first player turns to the person on their left and whispers a question which can be answered by someone’s name (i.e., who’s most likely to get in a car crash, who’s most likely to get pregnant first, etc.) questions range from really tame to really really kinky. the person the question was whispered to responds out loud with the name of someone in the circle that isn’t the person who asked the question. so everyone in the circle knows the answer, but not the question. if the person whose name was answered wants to know what the question was, they can challenge for the question by drinking a shot, and then the question has to be said out loud for everyone to hear.

send me a ship and a kiss prompt from this list! closed

9. in public

The planned wine-night at Magnus’ goes immediately downhill when Simon walks through the door of Magnus’ apartment and sees Jace relaxing on the couch, laughing at something Maia’s saying.

“I don’t want to be here,” he says, frowning, instead of greeting Clary, who opened the door for him. She looks at him in confusion, and then follows his gaze to see what he’s looking at.

When she see’s that its Jace that’s caught his attention, she sighs. “I thought you two were over this.”

Simon looks at her blankly for a moment. His brain is racing with images of Jace - Jace kissing him furiously in the privacy of his apartment, Jace dropping to his knees and unzipping Simon’s jeans, Jace, splayed out on Simon’s cheap sheets, mouth open on a soundless scream and eyes fixed on Simon as he arches his back and groans, shuddering up against Simon’s body as he comes.

“Right,” he says, unsteady on his feet as he shifts into the role of Simon, the guy who Jace has certainly never hooked up with when no one was looking. “I - I definitely am.”

He takes his coat off, and when he toes his shoes off Jace looks up and sees him. His expression immediately closes off, unreadable and hard.

Clary shoves at Simon. “Behave,” she hisses. Simon grunts, eyes fixed on Jace. From next to him, Clary sighs and tells Simon that she’s getting him a drink. Maia gets up too, wandering off to the kitchen, and then it’s just Jace and Simon in the living room, looking at each other.

Jace crosses his arms. “If I’d know you were going to be here, I wouldn’t have come,” he says, his voice hard. Simon swallows against the hurt that lodges in his chest when he hears that.

“Believe me,” Simon says bitterly, “I feel the same way.”

“Good,” Jace says shortly.

Simon can’t help but stare at him, drinking in the sight of his arms, and his jaw, and his fucking eyes. He’s always been so weak for Jace, in a way that makes him hate himself. It’s just - Jace is funny, when he wants to be, and he’s got walls miles high but he used to let them down for Simon, let Simon see the caring, intensely loyal, genuinely fucking good person .

He used to. Until a night of drinking and raw, honest confessions about their fears in life had turned into them breathlessly kissing each other, desperate want spilling over into the way Simon had clutched at Jace. It’s Simon’s fault - he shouldn’t have slept with someone who will never feel the same way about him.

But - the bitter, spiteful part of Simon’s can’t help but think that it’s Jace fault too. For acting like there was some chance. For making Simon believe, when he knows how much it’s hurt Simon, to the core, to always be the guy that’s left behind in relationships.

Now, though, he’s just - suddenly he’s just too tired for this.

“Just pretend for tonight,” Simon says, tiredly, “for everyone else’s sake.” He turns and leaves, making his way to the kitchen and resisting the intense urge to look back at the man of his dreams.

It’s game night, so Simon forces all thoughts of Jace to the back of his mind and tries to limit the amount of wine he drinks so that he doesn’t end up making a fool of himself. He makes sure to sit as far as possible from Jace and interact with him as little as possible, and he manages it through rounds of Werewolf, a few card games, and Mad Libs. Then they start playing Paranoia, and Simon’s instantly on high alert as the drunker members of their circle start asking more and more risque questions.

He notices with mounting trepidation that Jace hasn’t been drinking that much either through the night. They’re the most sober in the circle. Jace meets his eyes from across the room, and Simon nearly startles backward with how bright they are, how he’s not breaking the gaze.

“That’s easy,” Alec announces loudly from next to Jace, so loudly that he’s shouting, “that would be Magnus.”

From next to him, Clary titters drunkenly, and then slaps at Alec’s shoulder. “I forgot to say besides Magnus in my question.”

“Too late, no takebacks, and I’m related to some of the people in this circle.” He says, unrepentant. His voice is taking on a mocking tone that only ever happens when Alec’s truly drunk, and Simon hides a laugh behind his glass of wine, nudging Izzy next to him and sharing a significant look.

“Challenge, Magnus?” Clary calls out. Magnus smirks, looking slightly off balance from where he’s draping an elegant scarf around his cat.

“Of course,” he drawls, “I’m not even drunk.” He pets Church and waves his hand in the general direction of his bedroom. “Fetch, my noble canine.” Church blinks, unimpressed, and goes to sleep.

“Ah, well.” Magnus reaches towards the center of the circle and grabs one of the glasses and the bottle of vodka, pouring himself out a healthy shot. “Cheers!” He gulps it down, and then without missing a beat he says, “Question, Clary.”

“I asked him who in this circle has the best ass.”

Alec snorts. “So easy. It’s Magn-ass.”

There’s a moment of silence in the circle, and then everyone breaks into uproarious laughter. Simon snickers as he sees Maia throw a napkin at Alec, who throws it right back at her.

Izzy sighs. “That’s such a bad question, Clary. You should have asked who the biggest ass in the circle is.”

“You,” Clary warbles drunkenly, pointing a lazily drifting finger at Izzy, at the exact same moment that Jace says with a hard look on his face “Simon’s the biggest asshole in this circle.”

Simon stiffens, his blood running cold. Everyone awkwardly pauses to look between the two of them.

“Er,” Maia says, “boys - “

Simon laughs harshly. “No, it’s okay,” he waves Maia off, “takes one to know one, right Jace?”

He’s burning with anger, and it’s a cold and unnatural feeling, to be this furious at the same time that he’s angry. He can see Jace’s fingers fold into a fist, and he opens his mouth to say something, but the thick tension is broken by Clary swaying forward and saying, “Hey, I don’t think that was the question!”

Simon sighs, sitting back as Izzy laughs just a touch too loudly and chimes in with something else that Magnus immediately counters her on. Simon shakes his head. draining his glass of wine and putting it to the side.

“My turn,” Alec announces, turning to Jace, who’s still stony-faced. Alec pauses, and then glances at Simon strangely before he turns back to Jace and whispers a question.

Jace’s face pales, and his eyes sweep over the circle before his gaze settles on Simon. “No,” he croaks out, “no, Alec, don’t make me answer that.” He looks downright frightened, like he’s been cornered, but Alec is looking shrewdly at Jace.

“I’ve been thinking that something’s been up with you,” Alec says accusingly, “so now answer the question.”

“It’s not that simple,” Jace counters.

Maia groans. “They’re having a conversation without us. Just answer the question, Jace, most of us are so drunk we won’t drink again anyway probably. No challenge.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “I’m not fucking answering it.”

Alec shrugs. “Then I think I know everything I need to know anyway.”

“Alec - “

“You’ve been running from this for two years - “

“Simon.”

Simon snaps his head up, staring as Jace pushes a hand through his hair, looking defeated and unhappy. “Satisfied?” he asks Alec. Alec sits back.

“Very,” he says softly. “I know what I’m doing, Jace.”

Simon’s throat is dry as he looks at Jace, whose face is immeasurably sad. “Challenge,” he immediately says.

“You don’t want to do that,” Jace warns.

“I do.” Simon reaches for the vodka and doesn’t even bother pouring a shot out, just tips the bottle over and chugs a good amount. From beside him, Izzy whispers oh my God. “Challenge, Jace.”

Jace’s mouth is set in a hard, angry line. “The question was who I would date in this circle. But you already knew the answer to that anyway, Simon.”

Simon’s heart is in his throat, beating rabbit-fast. Everyone’s staring at them now, and there’s a pin-drop silence that stretches between the two of them, taut with hurt and tension.

“I’m not another one of your conquests,” Simon says hoarsely. “I won’t be.”

“I asked you on a date, Simon.”

“While you were drunk.”

Jace laughs bitterly. “Why would that mean I didn’t mean it?”

“Because you never mentioned it again! Because I won’t fucking put my heart on my sleeve for someone I’m not even sure likes me, much less - “

He falters, his words dying in his throat. He’s said too much. Everyone’s looking at him, and Jace’s face crumples.

“You think I don’t like you?” he says, his voice low. His eyes are dark, his eyebrows slanting down dangerously.

Simon gestures around them. “Everything we did, we did behind closed doors. You hid me away. What was I supposed to think?”

Jace’s expression is unreadable, and then he’s striding forward, and for a second Simon think’s that he’s finally pushed too far, that Jace is going to deck him, and he takes a half-step backwards, but Jace’s hands come up to cradle Simon’s face and instead he kisses Simon, so softly and slowly that Simon feels like he’s going to cry. Jace’s fingers are gentle where they’re stroking Simon’s hair, and Simon hesitantly curls a hand in Jace’s shirt.

There’s a sudden wolf-whistle from what sounds like Alec, and Simon breaks away, feeling his cheeks heat with embarassment, but Jace doesn’t let him go far, keeping him in place and pressing his forehead to Simon’s.

“I - “ Jace says, haltingly, and then he takes a deep breath. “I like you more than I know what to do with. Will you go on a date with me?”

There’s an audience around them, but Simon doesn’t care. Breathless, he whispers “Yes” and kisses Jace again, heart jumping into overdrive as something in him settles, and he thinks oh - because this things inside him that suddenly feels right as Jace holds him close is what he thinks he’s been waiting for his whole life.

#jimon #jace herondale #simon lewis #shadowhunters #sh fic #i write sometimes #paranoia is a lot of fun but also like....depending on what you're using as drinking material it can get u wasted really fun #so be careful and always drink responsibly kids

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harrysmeadow · 7 years

Text

HELD - CHAPTER 5

CATCH UP HERE // PLAYLIST // INSTAGRAMS

With one last deep breath and tight grip on his shirt, I released and pulled away from him, wiping the stray tears with the back of my hand. “God, I’m so embarrassed.” I muttered, keeping my eyes down to the floor. The last few sniffles racked my body and I hiccuped as I tried to control my breathing.

“Why are you embarrassed?” He asked. With my eyes still cast downwards I saw him take a step towards to me, closing the gap once again.

“What is it with you making women in this family cry Harry?” Sam piped up from nowhere. Harry and I jolted away from each other like teenagers, who were about to get caught breaking the ‘no touch’ rule.

“Bore off.” Harry warned, as I turned away and made myself busy collecting my hat from the sofa, willing my reddened cheeks to return to a normal colour. I wasn’t ready to be interrogated by Sam about whether the colour was because of my crying, or close proximity to Harry. To be honest I wasn’t too sure myself.

After Sam’s big win, Izzy and I might have got slightly carried away on the champers...and I was feeling the full effects of it the next morning.

The morning itself hadn’t been too rough, but it definitely turned out worse than I thought it would when I opened my eyes and was reintroduced to the world again. A strong beam of light which I thought very bright for a winter’s morning, streamed through the old curtains, illuminating my room in a warm glow.

As I hauled myself out of bed I couldn’t help but think of Harry who was probably in a deep, blissful sleep, or munching on breakfast without a banging headache or turning stomach. I was jealous.

But then I thought of Izzy, who was probably in a similar, if not worse state than me, and I felt a bit better.

I still hadn't bought any slippers, but I'd definitely learned my lesson when it came to the icy cold kitchen floor of the farmhouse. Fluffy Christmas socks, complete with red Pom Pom Rudolph noses adorned my feet, so I felt no shock when I stepped into the kitchen that morning.

But even though I felt no shock from the floor tiles, I certainly felt embarrassed at the looks of disdain I received from all members of my family (minus Evie) that were sat round the table.

“Morning.” I nodded to the lot of them, my croaking voice giving away the signs of a particularly rough night.

I took a seat at the end of the table, making sure to properly tuck my blanket cape underneath me, as I prepared for an onslaught of judgement and ridicule over my non existent alcohol limitations.

“Afternoon, actually.” My Grandad spoke.

Well, I wasn’t off to a great start.

It was my Mother who went first in reminding me of the events my brain had so kindly wiped from my memory, and I found myself wishing my blanket was a cave, rather than a cape.

“I would ask you if you had a good time last night. But I don’t need to, because for some reason, you felt the need to tell me how great it was, when you crawled into bed with your Father and I last night at 3am.” She announced brazenly.

My head immediately fell to my hands and a low groan escaped my throat, which really wasn’t helping the soreness I felt there.

“Honestly, Erin, your Dad was bad at your age, but I’ve never seen anything like it!” My Gran chuckled.

“I admit I was bad, but at 19 I knew what drinks I could handle, and which ones made me unable to walk.” My dad retaliated.

“Poor Harry practically carried you in here last night!” My Grandad chimed in. “It’s a good job the boy’s strong, you could hardly keep yourself upright!”

With my head still in my hands, I allowed them to collapse onto the table, burying my head in my arms, as if they would protect me from any more embarrassment that came my way.

I really didn’t want to think about last night, as it was becoming clear that I’d obviously made a fool of myself, but I was desperate to remember as much as I could in case I’d done something I’d come to regret.

Attempting to put together the jigsaw that was my time last night, I wasn’t surprised to find that there were several pieces missing. I was going to have to ask someone with the same set to help me fill in the blanks.

****

After I managed to stomach a slice and a half of toast for my breakfast/lunch, I’d called Izzy and told her to get ready for my impending arrival at the Johnson household. I was going to remember everything I did last night if I had to track down every person who was in the building myself.

The good thing about growing up in Britain, is that it is drilled into you from the day you’re born that you must be prepared for all types of weather, at all times. So I wasn’t surprised when I rummaged through my travel bag the morning after the fundraising dinner to find I had packed my sunglasses, even though it was late December.

But just because it was sunny, didn’t mean it was warm. So as I trudged down the lane wrapped in my winter coat, hat and scarf, I felt a bit silly pushing my sunglasses up my nose.

This was the first time since arriving at the house that I’d made the familiar journey down the lane to Izzy and Sam’s house. A few years back I would have walked this path nearly every day when we were visiting, but as time went on and we all got older, we often found ourselves driving, or meeting somewhere different instead.

I knew I would never grow tired of walking the lane though. I found it therapeutic, breathing in the fresh air after spending months in the city. I had no doubts that it was helping cure my hangover too.

As I strolled along the crumbling pavement, my eyes followed the hedgerow that edged the curves of the lane. It was bare and dull, the leaves and flowers that had bloomed in summer were long gone. The prickly branches were now only left damp with the remnants of the morning frost.

But although at first glance it looked sombre, it was certainly not lifeless. I smiled to myself as I watched a little robin hop along the small branches and twigs, making its way through the hedge as I walked along side. Unperturbed by the cold, the little bird danced along from branch to branch chirping and tweeting as it did.

I stopped to look before crossing the road, and wondered whether I’d see the little robin again. My visits to Holmes Chapel were so rigidly planned by my parents that we visited the same weeks every year. Every year things had changed but I never saw it changing.

In the Easter when we stayed, the yellow daffodils, snowdrops and croci would line the edge of the lane and the driveway, already in full bloom. I never got to see the green leaves and buds fighting their way through the ground and the spring mists. They were just already there.

But in the Winter everything was already gone. The green leaves that had been turning red and brown in Autumn, had already fallen from the trees to the ground, creating a dark blanket over the grass. I’d seen them first appear bright and green and new, but now they were crunching underneath my feet as I walked. I always saw the start and the end, never the moments that led there.

Feeling the cold wind bite at my ears, I pulled my wooly hat further down my head and decided to jog the rest of the way to Izzy’s. It wasn’t far, but I needed to regain some warmth.

Wincing at the freezing temperature of the bolt on the gate that led to the Johnson’s back garden, I unlocked it and made my way to the door. Knocking twice, I didn’t wait for a reply but pulled down on the handle and let myself in, calling out a hello to let them know I’d arrived.

I’d noticed my Auntie and Uncle’s car was absent from the driveway, and I was secretly happy that I wouldn’t have to face another round of, “we’re not angry, just disappointed”.

I could hear muffled voices coming from the living room, so I kicked off my shoes and made my way through the house.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks when a particular deep and slow drawl passed through the airwaves. Izzy hadn’t told me Harry would be here! How was I meant to interrogate her now about what I may or may not have done to embarrass myself if he was sat right there!?

But there was no way I couldn’t go in though, they’d heard me shout my arrival. If they found me just stood in the hallway on my own they’d think I’d gone mad. Taking a moment to control my breathing and revise my tactics, I opened the door to the living room and had to stop myself from laughing at the sight in front of me.

Is it bad if I say that Izzy looked worse than me? Because she did.

Curled up in a blanket cape of her own, Izzy was squished into the corner of the sofa. Her normally bright features looked sullen and grey, the obvious effects of the alcohol showing themselves on her skin. Her long, silky hair that had gracefully flowed over her shoulders in light curls yesterday, was now piled on top of her head, various pieces poking out in every direction.

Sam looked like all life had been drained from his body. Laying lifeless on the floor, the only reason I knew he was still alive was because of the groans that were escaping his mouth.

I knew I wasn’t going to be getting information out of either of them for a good few hours at least.

“Absolutely pathetic.” I muttered to myself, pulling off my beanie and throwing it on the spare sofa.

“If I’d have known that designated driver turns into the role of babysitter the next morning, I probably wouldn’t have been so quick to offer yesterday.” Harry chuckled.

He was too sat on the floor, in between them both, leant against the front of the sofa were Izzy was cocooned. One arm was raised behind him rubbing small, comforting circles against her ankle, and the other stretched out, his palm facing upwards as he checked Sam’s temperature.

I moved to sit beside him, rolling my eyes at the state of my cousins, whose groans of discomfort still hadn’t stopped.

“Harry, you didn’t have to do this.” I attempted a weak apology, silently hoping he got that I was saying sorry for my own behaviour last night too.

“Well I wasn’t gonna let Josie and Chris deal with them all day.” He said, moving his hand away from Sam, and then turning fully to check on Izzy, who seemed to have drifted into a light sleep.

He pulled the blanket down slightly away from where it was covering her nose, and covered her toes instead. She groaned lightly again as she wiggled in her unconscious state to get comfy, but quickly settled, her breath becoming more relaxed and steady.

I smiled, admirable at Harry’s compassion towards his friends. He probably had better things to do, yet here was, sat on the floor ready to hold a sick bucket for anyone who needed it.

“Thanks for looking after me last night.” I whispered, when he was looking at me again. I wasn’t sure whether I was whispering because I was conscious of Izzy slumbering, or because I didn’t know whether Sam was eavesdropping.

He didn’t reply, just looked at me slightly confused. I panicked. Was he angry at me for ruining his night? Had I run my mouth again and said something I shouldn’t have?

“I’m so sorry I got out of hand!” I began in a rush. “Grandad told me you practically carried me to my room last night. I didn’t even remember. Oh God. You had these two to look after as well didn’t you? Harry, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe you had to deal with all this, I promise I’m not usually this bad! I don’t know what happened! I can’t even remember what happened!” I wailed.

“Erin! Breathe!” Harry pleaded. His hands found my shoulders and held on tight. I gulped in air I didn’t realise I’d not been taking in and began to steady. I realised I was stood up, hands gripping at the ends of my hair. My panic stricken eyes locked on Harry’s, but the forgiveness I saw in his only caused me to break.

I felt my lip wobble before the first sob escaped me, but before the first tear hit my cheek Harry pulled me into his arms. My arms automatically wound around his back, as he cradled me against him. He whispered calming words and hushes to me as I continued to cry and sputter out apologies.

“You don’t even know what you’re apologising for.” He spoke calmly into my hair as we swayed slightly.

“I do.” I mumbled into his chest, breathing in the clean scent of his laundry detergent that was vastly different to the smell of vomit I’d been greeted with when I first walked in. “I ruined your night Harry. You’d t..told me how much you were looking forward to it...and you didn’t g..get to enjoy it, because of me.” I sniffled.

“What? Erin, no.” He replied, a clear sense of assurance in his voice, pulling me closer still. “You think I haven’t done this before?” he asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “It was just another day at the office with these two.”

I let out a small giggle, feeling myself relax slightly as he expressed his casualness towards the situation.

As I calmed, I tried to match my breathing to the pace at which he was running a soothing hand up and down my back. With my head against his chest I felt oddly at ease. I could hear his heart beating at quite a pace, I wondered whether he could feel mine too.

“Why are you embarrassed?” He asked. With my eyes still cast downwards I saw him take a step towards to me, closing the gap once again.

I was getting too warm in this room, I needed a way out.

“We’re going for a walk.” I announced, pleased that the shakiness I felt in my throat didn’t translate to my voice. “Come on, up you get.” I bellowed out, clapping my hands together, rousing the siblings from their alcohol induced comas. My announcement was unsurprisingly met with unintelligible sounds of annoyance and refusal from both of them.

“Fuck off Erin. I’m hungover, I’m allowed this day to wallow in self-pity.” Izzy whined, clutching the blanket further up her curled frame, as I shook her shoulders in an attempt to move her from the sofa.

Harry wasn’t having much luck with Sam either. His valiant efforts to get his friend to move had resulted in Sam grabbing onto his ankle, and Harry was now struggling to stay upright.

“You’ll both feel better for the fresh air and exercise.” I tried.

“Alright, Mum.” Sam chided, sniggering to himself. But Harry was having none of that, using his free foot to kick Sam in the ribs, he came to my defense as Sam screeched in pain.

“Be quiet you bellend, she’s only trying to help! Now both of you get up, I’m tired of looking after you.” He ordered, and I offered him a bashful smile in thanks.

****

After half an hour of constant complaining and whining from Izzy and Sam, Harry and I decided to leave them be and walk on ahead.

While we’d waited in the hallway for the siblings to put their walking gear on, Harry and I began planning a route, with the main purpose of tiring them out so when we got back they’d hopefully just sleep.

I imagined this was the teenage equivalent to what going on a night drive with a screaming baby would be.

So far we’d walked the rest of the lane, to the start of a public footpath, which went through a few fields, leading to the hills, and back down to the other side of the village.

We’d only made it to the second stile when the Izzy made the first “are we nearly done yet?” remark. It took a lot of self restraint and a reassuring hand from Harry on the small of my back to stop me from snapping at her.

I myself still wasn’t feeling 100% ok, I was sure the woozy-ness in my tummy had been amplified when I’d arrived at the Johnson’s earlier, and it still hadn’t subsided completely. The pounding headache I’d woken up with however, was now more of a dull throbbing that was easing with each breath of fresh air I took.

Izzy’s simple question though, only spurred on her brother, so when the whining and bickering between them started I was more than happy to accept Harry’s offer when he asked; “Shall we just walk at our own pace?”

“Are you looking forward to Christmas?” He asked brightly, as we began our ascent up the first hill on our route.

“I am actually!” I replied with a smile. “We never do anything special, but it’s nice just to be with family. Are you?”

“Yeah I am, I love Christmas. But I think when it’s all over I’ll be ready to get back to uni.” He said with huff as the hill became steeper.

“Oh me too! Don’t get me wrong I love being here, but I like having my own space, so I look forward to going back!”

When I’d first gone to uni, I was so scared about missing everyone and wanting to come home all the time. But I found that having some separation and independence from home was what I needed. My parents were never pushy or controlling, but I loved being able to set my own routine, have my own rules and not have to be concerned with other people.

“When are you thinking of going back?” Harry asked, I detected a slight hint of hesitance in his voice.

I hadn’t forgotten about Izzy’s little revelation that Harry and I went to the same uni. My mind hadn’t stopped reeling about the amount of times I could have passed him on campus, or shoved him out of the way on a night out. I was hoping next term I might actually bump into him on purpose.

“Well I think my parents were planning on going back to Leeds after New Years, then they’d drive me back up to York a few days after I think. Why?”

We both began to slow our pace as we steadied ourselves on the way down the other side of the hill. The grass was still glistening with the remnants of the morning dew, the tiny little droplets clung to the blades before seeping into the ground.

The sun was still shining despite the bitter temperatures, and rays of light illuminated the drops of water in between the grass to look like thousands of tiny emeralds scattered on the ground.

“I was just wondering, if you didn’t need to go back to Leeds that is, if you wanted to go back to York with me?” He proposed.

Did I want to go back with him? Could I? I had enjoyed most of my time spent with Harry so far. I’d definitely taken note of the funny feeling I got in the pit of my stomach every time he was around, but I wasn’t ready to admit to myself what that feeling might mean.

Over the holidays, anytime we’d spent together was in group. But if I was going to hope for us seeing more of each other at uni, without Izzy and Sam as a security blanket, maybe I needed some preparation.

“You don’t have to!” He stammered out, pulling me from my thoughts. Then I realised I hadn’t given him an answer and had just been stood in one spot staring at him.

“No! I want to! I mean, that would be lovely. Thanks, Harry.”

“You’re welcome.” He replied with that dimpled smile, and I was sure that was the moment my head fully cleared and I could breathe easy again.

****

Our hangover clearing trek was coming to a close. Izzy and Sam had trudged along about 30 paces behind Harry and I nearly the entire way. And we’d only had to stop once for Sam to be sick in the bushes.

I wasn’t complaining, I had very much enjoyed my time getting to know Harry better without the constant sarky comments from my cousins. We’d talked about our excitement for the start of the upcoming rugby league season. And I found myself not getting quite as defensive as usual when Harry took a jibe at my beloved Leeds Rhino’s.

We were on the home stretch, I could see the Johnson’s house come into view. I turned to look over my shoulder at the siblings walking behind us. Neither of them could be the poster boy or girl for health, but they were laughing and joking, and their rosy cheeks made them both look like humans, not the zombies we’d left the house with.

I smiled smugly to myself, happy with my achievements of bringing some life back into the Johnson siblings. I hoped Auntie Josie and Uncle Chris would appreciate my efforts.

We all settled back at the house, each with a cup of tea and tray of biscuits between us to warm us up. The rest of the afternoon was spent watching re-runs of Escape to the Country, with at least one of us dozing off at any given time.

As the sun was setting I decided it was time to head home, the lane only had a few street lamps and didn’t much like walking back to the farmhouse in the dark.

I stood from my corner of the sofa where I’d been perched for a good few hours and tiptoed across the room, trying not to wake the other three. How they’d all ended up like that I didn’t know, but I couldn’t tell whose leg was dangling off the edge, or whose arm was being covered in Sam’s dribble. Izzy, Sam and Harry were all snuggled together on the sofa, the blanket Izzy had been clutching earlier was being stretched across the three of them as they fought unconsciously for its warmth.

I decided to take a risk as I reached for my phone in my back pocket, promptly switching it onto silent before swiping across to the camera. I moved to stand in front of the sofa, making sure I would capture the most unflattering angle, but as I moved I was annoyed to find that Harry apparently did not have a bad angle. From every position I stood, the boy had a jawline looking like it had been chiseled by the gods. I was jealous.

I finally chose my place, choosing to document Sam’s four chins and Izzy’s gaping mouth, I sniggered to myself I took the first shot. I was too engrossed thinking ahead to birthdays when I could post this on their facebook walls, or just using it as general blackmail, to realise the flash had gone off and the sleepy beauties were now waking from their slumber.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked deeply, sleep still heavy in his voice, and I had to stop myself from swooning.

“Nothing.” I retaliated, with a vigorous shake of my head. Locking my phone and holding it behind my back, I scurried backwards away from him as he untangled himself from Izzy and Sam and began stalking towards me.

He stood tall then, turning back to his friends who were not so quick in getting up. “She was taking pictures of us!” he accused, with a false sense of alarm in his voice.

“No, I wasn’t!” I exclaimed, and I couldn’t hide the smile that was surely giving me away.

“You liar!” He bellowed, before he launched towards me.

I screeched as I turned and ran. I could hear his heavy footsteps behind me, closing in as I zoomed through the dining room and past the kitchen. I did full one-eighty as I swung on the bottom of the bannister to propel myself up the stairs, hoping he didn’t reach out and grab my ankle from behind to trip me up.

The wood of the landing creaked beneath our feet and I headed for Izzy’s room. I sprang through the door and jumped over the bed, quickly closing myself behind her wardrobe doors, just as harry reached the entrance to her room.

I felt like Goldilocks hiding away in the house of the three bears, only I hadn’t been sleeping in their beds, I’d woken them up.

I think I accepted my defeat when I watched Harry through the gap between the doors just come to a stop and lean against the frame, not even bothering to find my hiding place.

“Don’t forget I’m a rugby player Erin, as soon as you try to run I’ll just tackle you.” He mused.

Oh, trust me, I hadn’t forgotten.

I could see the smile playing on his lips, as I stepped out of the wardrobe. With my hands held high by my head in surrender, I slumped across the room with a pout, unhappy that I hadn’t managed to escape.

When I reached the doorway he didn’t move, so I took that as sign to carry on. But as I took a step out of the room his large paw grabbed at my waist, pulling me too him as he stayed leant against the frame.

He’d held me closer earlier during my emotional episode, but this felt entirely different. I wasn’t crying, I wasn’t sad, there was no need for him to hold me so close. The pout that I’d been sporting in attempt to make him feel bad was long gone, and I was sure my lips were parted in shock that mimicked the expression in my eyes. My skin felt warm under his touch where the pads of his fingertips lightly grazed over the bare skin between the hem of my t-shirt and the top of my jeans.

It seemed as though eye contact was Harry’s thing. I always had trouble meeting the intense gaze that came from those green orbs, yet he always did his best to capture me in it.

Looking down at me now, a cocky smirk shaped his pink lips, and I wondered whether it was because he’d found me, or because he’d found me and then trapped me when I practically handed myself over to him.

He cleared his throat and held out a hand, and I knew exactly what he was asking for. I rolled my eyes, trying somewhat to disguise the nervousness I felt from his body being so close to mine.

I reached a hand around to my back pocket, plucking my phone from it gently before typing in the passcode and handing it over. It seemed as though when Harry asked for something I was more than willing to give it to him without a fight.

His hand still had a firm grip on my waist, even though I think we were both sure if he let go I wouldn’t move from the spot. I peered up at him through my lashes, and gulped in nervousness as I couldn’t see what he was doing on my phone. I was thankful I wasn’t the type to take risky photos of myself, although I was pretty sure there were some very unflattering snapchat selfies on there and I wasn’t quite sure which was worse.

I felt another wave of nausea hit me like a landslide when he chuckled to himself. Oh God. What had he seen!? What had he done!? Why did I let him do that!?

I heard the familiar sound of the lock button being pressed, and before I had chance to realise what he was doing, I gasped in shock as he took it upon himself to place my phone back in my pocket on his own.

It felt as though time stood still as he grazed his hand over my hip and pushed the device hard enough against my bum to slide it back into the pocket of my skinny jeans. He held my gaze in a kind of challenge, as if just daring me to acknowledge what was happening. The fucker.

But I wasn’t gonna let him get away with it that easy. No way. I’d had enough of his effortless charm, and on-and-off flirting. At the moment Harry was in the lead, by about 3 points to nil. It was about time I evened the score.

Edging up onto my tiptoes and leaning in, I reached behind me and grasped his wandering hand in mine, pushing it firm against my arse as leverage.

“Thank you.” I whispered in his ear as soft as I could, before quickly whirling around and flitting down the stairs, without so much as a glance back in his direction.

I raced to get my shoes and coat on, only shouting a goodbye through the household to Izzy and Sam, who I was pretty sure had fallen back to sleep anyway.

I shivered as I stepped out of the house and into the darkness of the driveway, preparing to walk back down the lane to the farmhouse. I let out a laugh when I looked back at the house I’d just left, to see that the lights in Izzy’s bedroom and the landing were still on.

I didn’t bother putting my hat back on for the journey home, as the warmth I felt in my tummy kept me toasty all the way.

****

My heart rate had just about calmed to a normal pace when I settled in for bed that night. My walk alone home had given me chance to reflect on the days events, and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Harry, who I’d known for barely 3 weeks and who made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time, had now seen me in every emotional state under sun. I needed to be careful, he was Izzy’s friend before he was anything to me, and if this something I felt between us was going to make itself known, I needed to talk to Izzy asap.

I leant over to grab my phone from my bedside table to begin my nightly routine of checking all my social media. I stopped scrolling through insta to like a picture of my best friend from uni, Rosie. That reminded me, I hadn’t spoken to her in a few days.

I pulled up my messages app, but before I began to scroll through my threads to Rosie’s name, I was greeted at the top with a new addition...

You’re a twat

Who’s this?

You know who this is you twat.

Oh! Erin! Hiiiiii!

When I gave you my phone earlier, you put your number in, text yourself and decided to save your name as ‘the best looking, most green eyed, curly haired centre-forward you’ve ever met’ ??????

Because I am.

No, you’re a twat. Which is why your contact name has aptly been changed to Harry the Twat.

You’re mean!

Nope, just truthful. Now go to bed you twat.

Dun, dun, duuuunnnnnnn!!!! Looks like Erin’s getting a bit cheeky and has hd enough of Harry’s little games... I’d love to know if you enjoyed the chapter (or not)! Please come chat to me about your thoughts and predictions etc! My ask is always open and I’d love to get more feedback!! Also, I don’t think I’ve posted a chapter since before Harry released his single... so happy Sign of the Times everyone!! I absolutely love the song, Harry has made us all so proud. #HARRIESALWAYSWIN Anyway.... just a massive shoutout to my main lads @cuddlemusclestyles and @islareeveswriting love you lots like jelly tots 💕 thank you both for putting up with my constant complaining and whining, I couldn’t do this with you. Also, they’ve both got BOMB fics atm, so you should go and read them :) All the love 💕💕

#held #chapter 5 #harry styles au #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles ff #new fic #one direction ff #harry styles fluff #please let me know what you think

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thatcanadianfangirl · 7 years

Text

*Alec Lightwood* Her Lost Parabatai

Alec Lightwood X Girl

Requested: Nope

Plot: Alec Finds out that Carissa had a parabatai.

Word Count: 1,634

A/N: Not my gif, surprisingly I couldn't find any without really looking. Also this is not edited, most of my imagines are edited before I post them. I’m writing an Imagine right now, but I needed to put this up.

I started to storm away feeling angry drilling in my veins. Alec’s distance and angry had me on the edge in the beginning. He treated me like I’m worthless to him. I tried shaking it off and ignore the worst feeling in this place. I just couldn't anymore.

Before Izzy had pulled us together by locking us in a room over night. Our relationship was filled hatred and insults hiding true feelings. It never got this bad, Alec was too unpredictable at this point.

A bigger hand than mine gripped onto my right wrist. The grip tightened making me stop in my tracks. The hand that I knew was Alec’s yanked me back. His hand had rough calluses along his soft skin from train too much.

His chocolate brown eyes stared into my blue feverish ones. His body frame was tense with anger again. “Where do you think your’e going?” He asked viciously with his now black eyes.

“Away from you!” I seethed through my teeth, I pulled my wrist from his grip and started to walk again. Sickling words that came from his mouth made me stop a few feet away from him.

“You don't understand, you’ve never had parabatai.” His voice strict, because he didn't know how wrong he really was. The words echoed in my head throwing me back to the horrible memories.

I turned my head to look at his black eyes again, “I did, but I lost him.” My voice wavered thinking about my parabatai. The other half to my soul, the other half of my heart, and the other half of my everything.

Those words were the last thing I said to him before running off. tears flowing down my cheeks and the sob bubbling up in my throat. He called for me with his voice totally different as if the angry was never there.

I around a few corners and made my way up stairs before I saw my room’s door. Once I got into my room I locked it with my heart pounding as I slide down the heavy door.

It wasn’t long before I was fully sobbing, feeling the black makeup make it’s way down my face. The banging on my door made it’s way to my body, “Carissa! I didn't know, open the door!” He sounded desperate, I didn't care and I didn't want to listen to him.

I stood up hearing him trying to open the door, I reached into my back pocket. Pulling out my steel and drawling the lock rune onto the door. Alec noticed right away as he stopped shaking the knob.

He sighed knowing he couldn't get though to me, right now I don't think I cold get through to me. I walked across the room and crawled onto my bed, dropping into a slight fetal position. Clutching the steel into my left hand, thinking about my former parabatai.

I remembered us training like it was yesterday morning. His hair a shade darker than Alec’s, his blue eyes icier than mine. His frame was broad, but that never stopped him from pushing me to the limit.

I pictured us in the training room, staffs held with both hands. Left, right. The staffs met at each end with a clunk, hearts racing and muscles burning. I tried with most of me to over power him.

One little distraction and my staff flew across the room, eyes wide as he pulled me against him with my back against his chest. He held me there with his arm around my stomach and his staff against my chin.

I sighed angrily, as he breathed heavily into my ear. “Right he the blade would go into your stomach.” His voice void as he dug his finger into my bare skin above my waist band.

I wacked the staff away and slipped from his grip fast. Kicking under his feet once he least expected my attack. He hit the floor hard, I straddled him before he could get up. I grabbed his staff before it rolled away, holding it to his chest.

I took one hand away and dug one figure into the left side of his chest. “..And right here the blade will plunge into your heart, Dakota.” I said with an evil smirk.

He chuckled, taking away the blade and sitting up as my arm sunk to my side. “Who knew my innocent Carr, was such a badass.” He stated making me giggle.

I slipped into darkness as my mind wondered to our ritual. The last thing I remembered was drawling the parabatai rune on his left shoulder blade.

I woke up to the feeling of pressure around my waist. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusing, I stirred to see Alec fast asleep beside me. I looked to the door to see the lock rune vanished.

“What the hell!” I yelled in complete confusion, The body next to me rolled too far that he eventually fell to the floor with a thud. Fully awake I threw the duvet off my body and jumped from my bed to the floor.

“What happened?” Alec’s morning voice gave me a taste of heaven. It sounded concerned as I made my way to the closet. “I woke up and found in my bed, why are you even in here?” I asked with no emotion as I was still made at him.

I pulled out a simple navy blue shirt, Alec sighed slightly. “Runes don't last 12 hours.” He spoke, I took off the shirt I was currently wear and put on the one in my hands. “I know, but I asked you why you were in my room. Not how long runes last.” I said glancing at him as I made my way to the dresser.

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday, About your parabatai. When I came in you were sleeping.” Alec explained as his eyes watched me. “So you thought to just climb into my bed and join me?” I asked stripping from the shorts I was wearing.

“Well, yeah. I sleep with you every night.” He mentioned as I grabbed a pair of black jeans. I turned my attention to him with a confused expression again. “No, you don't. You haven't sleep in my bed since Jace left.” I said while I yanked on the pants.

He shook his head, “I do, I just wait until you're sleeping before crawling in. I leave right before you stir awake.” He said giving me knew information. I slowly nodded.

“So I thought about your parabatai and who he could be. He had to be someone close to you, someone really close to you as if he was your brother. it’s Dakota, he was so protective of you.But you tolled everyone he had to go back to idrise.” Alec’s eyebrows knitted as he pieced everything together.

We both took a seat on the end of the bed. I looked at my feet while they curled into each other. “Me and Dakota took on a mission way to big for us, too many demons in one place. I believed we could of done it, but we couldn't. I wished I saw it when The last demon had taken his blade and shoved the blade into his chest. I screamed with everything as I ran to him, hot tears flowed down my face. I ran my blade into the demon before running to Dakota’s aid again. I remembered everything like it just happened.” I said now sobbing as I re-watched him die again.

Alec grabbed my shaking body and pulled me into his lap. He cradled me close to his chest, letting me cry into his dark shirt. “Alec It was my fault he’s gone.” I sobbed loudly.

He didn't say anything as he rocked me back in forth. It took awhile before he got me to a subtle whimper. “I know I’m not better than him, but you have me, you Izzy, and sadly you have Fray.” Alec said making you giggle at the last part.

“When I lost hi-

“You don't have to tell me.” Alec cut me off.

“When I lost him I could feel him drifting from our connecting. I could feel him dying and I knew I lost a part of me, the best part of me. The last thing he said to me was he loved me and I shouldn't blame his death on me.” I spoke feeling my eyes dry from crying too much already.

“Where’s the rune?” He asked.

I got off him and stood in front of him, I took the hem of the shirt into my hands and pulled it over my head. “My left shoulder blade, you might be able to see it now I tolled you.” I spoke.

“Yeah I can see it, it looks red as if someone ripped it from your body.” Alec said speaking softly. I nodded my head slowly, “I never wanted to memory of him to fully leave so I did that.” I said.

“How?” He asked.

“I don't want to talk about it.” My voice icy.

“Understandable.”

I pulled my shirt down and turned to face his brown eyes. “No one knew we were parabatai’s, but the clave. It was safer for both of us that way.” I explained.

“Fair enough.” Alec said agreeing why he didn't know.

“You wont end up like us, we’ll find Jace and everything will be thrown back in place. He means just as much to you as Dakota meant to me. That’s a lot.” I said.

“Thank you.” He whispered back, leaning down. I grabbed onto his shirt going on to my tippy-toes and kissing him. The kiss was long and meaningfull. I knew at this moment that losing a parabatai would lead to actual love.

#Alec Lightwood #Alec #Lightwood #Shadowhunters #shadowhunters imagine #alec lightwood imagines #thatcanadianfangirl

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