#i know ive been mia but im still here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

healmyhrt · 25 days

Note

could you do Matt x reader smut where reader wears something showy to her friends birthday party and Matt gets like turned on and you can take over the rest!

⌗ crush, m. sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

summary: matt has had a crush on you for the longest, and you’ve had strong feelings toward him too. after a summer fling with him, things turn awkward, and you both have a feeling of relief thinking that you’ll never see each other again… until your best friends birthday party.

disclaimers!: flirting, heavy making out, thigh riding, alcohol consumption, cursing, and use of y/n

a/n: guys question, is it technically “aftercare” if u don’t fuck??? like if you just js did oral shi or something idk 😣 anywho enjoy babes

i slowly creep into the dark entry way, removing my jacket as quietly as possible. i feel a hand tap my shoulder and i grip the fingers, trying to recognize who it could be.

“y/n?” a voice whispers. it was nick.

i reach in and hug him, squeezing tightly. i can feel him smiling against me. “hey, how are you?” i whisper back.

“good, you?” he replies, holding my hand and leading me through the dark hallway. “eh, so-so. is she here yet?”

a few friends and i were throwing a surprise party for my best friend, mia, she’s turning 21.

“she’ll be here in a few, but come on, everyone’s in here.”

i enter the dining room, seeing a crowd of some familiar and unfamiliar faces, candles lit in front of them.

i scan the group, looking at everyone, when my eyes come to an abrupt stop. there he was, matthew.

his blue eyes glistened behind the candlelight, and he stared right through it, straight at me. fuck.

i tap nick as he swivels around, handing me a candle.

“what the hell is he doing here?” i question. nick looks over at matt, then back at me. “um, he knows mia?”

i roll my eyes. nicks face changes and he raises an eyebrow. “have you two still not talked since the summertime?” i shuffle in place, looking at the floor.

“no…”

nick groans. “jesus. just—sort things out tonight, okay? you two can not ruin this night for mia. got it?” he says.

i nod, and glance over at matt, who was still staring.

chris sprints into the dining room, and catching his breath before speaking. “guys, they’re here!”

we all become quiet as the front door creaks open. i look up at nick who’s looking at me, trying not to smile.

mia slowly enters the dining room, a white blindfold tied gently over her freshly curled hair. she begins to untie it, and nick looks at everyone, holding up three fingers.

“3…”

“2…”

“1…”

“SURPRISE!” we all shout, seeing mia’s face. she immediately smiles, and holds her hands to her face.

“you guys!” she beams.

everyone rushes over, hugging her uncontrollably. i step back into the hallway, freeing myself from the crowd.

i sigh, looking over and seeing matt. he gives me a small smile, and i look the other way, turning toward the stairs.

it had been about 2 hours since we surprised mia, and now the entire house was packed. the small gathering had turned into a big party.

i had stayed holed up in mia’s room, drinking, as friends came and went, bringing me more and more.

now, i wasn’t drunk. they only brought me cans of sprite with a little bit of vodka in it. thats it.

and ive only had like 3 or 4 of them.

but i knew after a while id have to pee, and eventually leave mia’s room, placing myself back into the craziness that was downstairs.

i patt my hands dry on my favorite cardigan, shutting the bathroom door behind me. stepping down the steps into the chaos, i pass by multiple people making out on the steps.

i see mia at the bottom of the steps, and it gives me a sense of direction. she sees me and smiles immediately, running into my arms. “y/n!” she beams. i grin back.

“god, i feel like i haven’t seen you all night!” she grabs my forearm, dragging me into the living room. we stumble across a couple making out on the couch.

“can we sit here?” mia questions, with a smile.

they move over, and continue. “mia, im not sitting next to a horny ass couple.” i groan. she pulls me down next to her, and displays her legs across mine. “sooooo…”

i raise an eyebrow. “so, what?” she giggles, biting her bottom lip. “did you see him?” i cross my arms.

“you invited him? god—mia!” i scoff.

she laughs. “y/n, you two need to sort things out. tonight. okay? i can’t have two of my closest friends not being able to stay in the same room as one another.”

“you sound like nick.” i reply. she smirks. “well, yeah. it was our plan all along.” i playfully push her away with a little smile.

“look, please just talk to him.” she says, giving me a look.

i sit in silence fidgeting with my fingers. she places a hand on my fingers, and i look up at her. “okay.”

she claps enthusiastically, standing. “yay, y/n!”

i laugh. “im gonna go find myself another drink. want anything?” i shake my head. she blows me a kiss, and walks off, her dress swaying gracefully with each step.

i sigh, standing up. i look over at the couple next to me.

“you guys can—y’know—do your thing.” i gesture to the sofa. they give me a thumbs up, and immediately lay down, continuing. gross.

i make my way outside, onto the front porch.

i sit, flinching at the cold pavement against the back of my thighs. my skirt was very short, and i didn’t have any tights.

the door opens and shuts behind me, and i turn around to meet a very familiar face. “matthew.” i say. “y/n.”

he walks past me, and unlocks his car. i watch him stop, and turn around. “wanna—come with?” i give him a confused expression.

“we need more ice. im just gonna run to a gas station.”

i shrug, and stand, walking over to his car. matt opens the door for me, and i give him a small smile, stepping in.

after waiting in the car for a while, matt finally exits the gas station, carrying the last bag of ice. about time.

he gets in the car, wiping his now wet hands against his jeans. “took you long enough.” i tease. matt chuckles.

“i know, usually doesn’t take me that long to get my hands this wet.” he smirks. i shake my head, looking out the window, attempting to hold my laugh in.

“let’s just go.”

the drive back was silent. (minus the ice tumbling around in the backseat.) we caught almost every red light, and matt and i would just shift in our seats, trying not to make eye contact with one another.

as we pull in the driveway. i unbuckle my seatbelt, trying to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

“so, we aren’t gonna talk about it? at all?”

i knew it.

i turn around, and sigh. “fine. let’s talk, matt.” i say with a long stare. he clenches his jaw, and rests his hands on the steering wheel.

“we had sex. big deal.” i throw my hands up in the air dramatically. matt scoffs and looks at me, almost as if he was about to cry. “it was a big deal to me.” he stares.

i purse my lips together. “well, it doesn’t seem like it, seeing as you lack common communication skills.”

“i wanted to text you, or call you—just hear your voice at all after that night, but i was too afraid.” matt looks out the window beside him, and gently taps the steering wheel with his fingertips.

my face softens, and i slowly reach out to the place a hand on his. but before i even reach him, i pull away.

“why were you afraid, matt?” i question. i was genuinely curious to hear his answer, too. matt had gone full no contact with me after that night, all because he was afraid? it just didn’t make sense.

“because i like you.”

my eyes widened as the words left his mouth. i didn’t know what to say—how to even respond. it was insanity.

did i like matt? i mean, i guess.

no—sure—yes.

yes, i do like matt. i just get my feelings mixed up and lost in my mind. i mean, could we really work?

“y-you do?” i stutter out. matt turns around, and im left to drown in his eyes. he softly nods, and i form a smile.

i look down at my hands and begin to fidget with my rings, swallowing before i speak. “i like you too.”

i look up to see a smiling matt, and i grin back.

i sigh, looking out the window. “look at us, using the word ‘like’ to describe our feelings. what’re we, five?” i laugh, making him chuckle.

i turn back toward him, and matt immediately smashes his lips onto mine. i lean in, him caressing my cheeks.

matt swings an arm around my waist, fully pulling me onto his lap. i smile against his lips, reaching down and unbuckling his seatbelt beneath me.

matt bucks his hips up at the feeling of my fingers on him. i feel his bulge rub against my bare thigh, and he pulls away.

“s-sorry. is that weird?”

i shake my head. “not at all. it just shows that you really do like me.” i say with a smile, placing a hand on his jaw, and pulling him into me again.

matt takes off my cardigan, tossing it in the passengers seat. he places his hands on the seam of my miniskirt, and stops, pulling away. “can i?”

pushing my lips back onto his, i mumble “yes”, and matt pulls away again. i sigh irritably, and he gives me a look.

“use your words if you want this.”

i bite my bottom lip, matt’s eyes on them. i bite the inside of my cheek, and look out the window. matt places a soft hand on my jaw, turning me to look at him.

“hey, if you don’t want to do this, we can just head back inside. i’ll just be glad that we’re good again.” he smiles.

i nod, and he raises an eyebrow. “i want to do this.”

matt’s smile turns into a smirk, and he pulls my skirt up to my waist, places both hands on my ass. i smash my lips back onto his, smiling against him.

matt tightens the grip on my hips, leading them. i slowly begin to grind against his clothed bulge. matt pulls away, breathing heavily against the side of my face.

i continue, matt now kissing down my neck, struggling to contain himself. he’s practically digging his fingers into my skin, guiding my hips.

i pierce my lip with my teeth, trying to stop the moans that threatened to escape my mouth. “matt…”

“almost…” he pushes himself against me, making the sensation even more intense. my panties are probably a leaking mess on him as my eyes begin to water from the stimulation.

matt slows to a stop, and he catches his breath. i breathe heavily into his neck, my mascara smudging on his skin.

he pulls me off of him to take a look at my face.

“are you okay? was it too much?” he questions, genuine worry taking over his expression. i wipe the smudged mascara off of my face, smiling at him. “i’m okay, matt.”

he pulls me in, hugging me tightly. “i’m so glad we’re good now. i’ve missed you so much, y/n.” i grin widely.

i pull away, sniffling. we just stare at eachother, and i look down, my skirt still at my waist. “we should probably fix ourselves before we go back inside.” i say through a breathy chuckle.

“yeah.” matt replies. i climb off of his lap, pulling down my skirt in the passenger seat. matt looks down at his jeans, a wet spot on his crotch. i stifle my laughter, matt turning to look at me.

“i can’t go inside like this.” he says through a laugh.

“at least they’re dark wash denim.” i shrug, still laughing. he scoffs, and attempts to wipe it off.

“matt, it’s not going anywhere. it’ll be fine, it’s pretty dark inside anyway.” i reassure. he looks up at me, a small smile on his lips.

we climb out of the car, matt grabbing the slightly melted ice. “probably could’ve chosen a better time to do that.” he jokes.

we enter the foyer of the house, mia meeting us at the door. “soooo, are you two good now?” she asks eagerly.

i look at matt, and he gives me a smile.

“yeah, we’re good.”

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #matt x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

321 notes · View notes

csainz5 · 10 months

Text

Mine || Charles Leclerc #16

pairing: charles leclerc x girlfriend!reader

summary: in which seeing people ship you with other drivers fuels the possessiveness in charles.

author notes: can u tell ive been obsessed with culpa mia. also this is my first charles fic (!!!) i made sm tweaks to the original req im so sorry 😭 deff been in a slump recently bc exams but 🙏 no beta read!! this one is still raw asf lol

req: yes/no.

wc: 1.2k words

————

the air as the weekend approached was filled with an adrenaline of its own. drivers loitering on the paddock, a camera shoved up each one of their faces. most of them were making videos for their teams social media, while others were giving interviews. silly banter & playful hazing surrounded the place as the free practices neared. as calm and laid back as the environment was, a new buzz had taken over the virtual world. it seemed like the redbull fans had taken on a new intrest in a the friendship you and max shared, suspecting it could be more than just friends. you’re shocked as you read through the articles, what could possibly make it seem like you were both in any sense more than just friends? max was like the brother you never had, and you, the sister he had always hoped of having. as much as the articles were delusional, you didnt really care that much about them, i mean why would you be afraid when there’s nothing youre scared of being open to the public? okay, maybe not everything. not the time when you were so drunk you demanded every guy on the paddock to quote “settle it with me on the ring”, not the time when you were the culprit behind the hilarious azerbaijan mix up where you stole the champagne on the podium and replaced it with an empty one, and definitely not the fact that you’re already taken, by a person known to all on the paddock.

—

The morning of the race was always an exhilarating one no matter which team youre driving for, or which team you’re rooting for. the passion, the dedication and the confidence in the each and every drivers persona was enough to fill you in the same mindset. though youve always been a redbull fan, which, i mean is definitely not even surprising considering you probably frequent their garage more than some of their own engineers, youve always held an admiration for all the drivers. even you knew how dominant the redbull cars were, so seeing the rest of the drivers still catch up with less resources filled your heart with pride. you look up at the fan’s waiting impatiently for the race to start with a smile on your face. this, will never get boring, you think.

Lord Percival 👑

can’t find you anywhere near here, don’t tell me you’re ditching me today yet again 😔

a chuckle escapes your lips.

You

i wouldve come over but you’re all the way across rn 😭 i’ll definitely be waiting for you after the race tho.

Lord Percival 👑

wow. way to betray me over text babe

You

okay drama queen 😒

Lord Percival 👑

guess you rubbed off on me then mon jolie

You

ill make it up to you, i always do.

just before you press send, you notice the drivers had already left for their respective interviews. whats the point in sending it now anyways, you decide.

—

the dark looms over the sky as celebrations near. the smell of alcohol, weed and god knows fucking what become all too familiar to you at this point. you reach the party alongside max, which considering he’s your best friend was not out of the ordinary for you, but little did you know, it didn’t help the ongoing rumours one bit. the familiar stench of reporters clogs your mind. what the hell were the doing here? and more importantly why were all of them suddenly taking an intrest in your friendship with max? question after question is thrown at you which makes you realise youve had enough of this. you reach for your phone.

You

screw this party

wanna meet up at our usual spot?

Lord Percival 👑

im always down 🙏

—

you could never get sick of this. the same ride, the same atmosphere, the exact same playlist playing over and over again, the curves of the road as you drive through. because you know, at the end of this journey would be the same thing you look forward to, every time. so you get into you car, and drive the same drive to the same spot, once again. at a pillar reading out “623” you stop by the ferrari you know all too well.

there he was. i could never get used to seeing him like this, you think, dressed up in formals but looking formal in no way whatsoever. shriveled hair, buttons unbuttoned, jewellery he knows how to style in just the right way. his crazed eyes of emerald, gazing into you with an intensity that makes your nerves shiver.

“took you long enough to come here” he says, holding you waist. “it was a longer drive than usual” “is that so?” he says, stepping aside you to rest against his ferrari, right beside you. folding his arms, he continues, pulling a cigarette out of his blazer, “want one?” “please, today was a bitch” “i could say the same for me, really” he reaches towards you, lighting your cigarette. “races in monaco are my favourite” he says, looking up at the sky. “yeah, id imagine so. nothing beats home” “yeah, it’s great to be home and all, but theres also something in monaco that beats the thrill any race could give me” he steps forwards, hands placed beside either sides of you.

he pulls the cigarette from your lips, taking in a puff himself. he brings his lips to your ear, “or rather, theres someone in monaco, who beats the thrill any race could give me” he whispers, blowing the smoke away. he flicks the cigarette aside and steps on it, as he lifts your face up, meeting your eyes with his own. “someone who sighs right when i kiss her here,” he goes on to place a chaste kiss on your mole, right on your neck by your jawline. and like a story repeated enough times, you sigh. “someone who arches her back when i pull her hair slightly like this,” he gently tugs your hair, making a makeshift ponytail and like a telltale, you arch your back, the satisfaction of being right sprawled across charles’s face.

“but of all, the one thing that makes me come back to this place again and again, is knowing that—“ he lifts your hips up, making you wrap your legs around him. “you’re mine.” the second he says that, its like all the dots connected in your head. you never thought charles would be jealous of the rumours, given how he was the one who didn’t want your relationship to be public. “charles, are you jealous?” you ask. “so what if i am?” “well, i for one wouldnt want my boyfriend to be feeling like that anymore” “what do you mean?” you pull out your phone from your clutch, “kiss me” “wait what are you doing?” “i said, kiss me” you say, pulling him in by his jaw. “im conf-“ you kiss him, shutting him up. as he closes his eyes he finds himself to not be able to help himself from drowning into you, well atleast until a flash brings him out of his trance. “im going to post it.” “you don’t have to, you know” “but i want to. i want everyone to know how much you mean to me charles. you’re my favourite person and i would hate to see you be jealous”

——

“i can’t believe you actually did it, jolie” “its the least i could do” you say, pecking his cheek. “but ive gotta say, i definitely wouldnt mind seeing this shade of you more often” “you haven’t seen the end of me yet, mon ange”

#charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc fanfiction #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc imagine #formula one #formula 1 #f1 2023 #ferrari #charles leclerc scenario

966 notes · View notes

underoossss · 2 years

Text

babe, baby, beautiful – s.h

pairing: steve harrington x reader

warnings: language, miscommunications, idiots (pining) to idiots (lovers)

an: lets do this again shall we? this wasn’t showing up in the tags, so i deleted and reposted it today im sorry (i also changed the title from ive meant it all to this). So mamma mia here we go again. Have some wholesome hurt/comfort best friends to lovers to brighten your day/night. I love pining idiots and love confessions so here you are!

Masterlist

✫✫✫✫

The bell over the deli’s front door rings at 1pm, and after a glance at the car parked outside, you know exactly who it is. Steve on his lunch break ––or just any break if you’re being honest–– coming to visit you like he always does. You giggle at the idea that pops into your mind, hoping your best friend is distracted enough for it to work.

“Hey, that’s a nice updog you got there.” You say when Steve comes into the store, using your most casual and nonchalant tone. Though you try not to stare, you can’t help yourself when you look him over briefly. He’s wearing that pair of light washed jeans you don’t let yourself think about, and a light blue polo with a t-shirt underneath. His hair––like always––is perfectly styled, some of it falling over the right side of his forehead. With a shake of your head, you clear your thoughts, focusing instead on Steve’s response.

“What’s u—” Steve starts to say then pauses and rolls his eyes, pointing one finger at you. “No! I’m not falling for it this time.”

“Hah! but you almost did!” You say between laughs; vowing to catch him unaware some other time. “I’ll get you to slip, eventually.”

“You can try babe, but you’ll fail.” He says with confidence then smiles at you; his eyes explore your face for a moment before he spots the book on the counter. “Slow morning today?”

“A bit, yeah. But I don’t mind.” You shrug and bookmark your very-much-loved copy of Persuasion. “How’s FV today?”

Steve looks over the many knick-knacks displayed on the counter as he speaks. “Packed. We got some new movies today, so it’s been busy.”

“‘Your kids’ visit you yet?” You ask while you put your book away. “They were here at noon, those little gremlins.”

Steve chuckles, “No surprise there, they like hanging out here more than at the store with me, now.”

“There’s no food at your place, Stevie. But in here…” You gesture at your surroundings with your hand. “I’ll get in trouble for feeding them eventually.”

“How many today?” Steve asks you, he smiles fondly, knowing the angsty teenagers you call your friends can win you over easily.

“3 Subs.” Your voice is a whisper when you answer Steve’s question. “I told them that if I’m found out I’ll tell my boss they stole them. Let them deal with the police.”

You chuckle, knowing you’re only bluffing. With everything that has happened to the kids in this town, you’re sure you’ll try to protect them as much as you can. From the look that Steve gives you ––amused? Fond? –– you know he can tell you’re not serious either.

“Dustin’s going to fix my radio too.” You tell Steve. “It keeps making my cassettes sound funny.”

“Well.” Steve shrugs, faking seriousness. “I’ll back you up with the police if you need; get you out of any trouble.”

You hum and raise a questioning eyebrow. “And how exactly are you gonna do that?”

“I’ll convince them, naturally. I can be very charming.” He says, and you can’t help the laugh that leaves you.

“Of course, you will, Stevie.” You smile, leaning your forearms on the counter once more. Your eyes scan his brown ones and take in the playfulness that lies there; it makes your smile grow.

“I don’t think you believe me, babe.” He shakes his head, mock hurt.

“I do! The Harrington charm works every time.” You say seriously, until you giggle once more. It does work though, you’re very much charmed by him. You fell in love with him after all. Steve rolls his eyes at you with fondness, and your stomach flips. Clearing your throat, you speak again. “We’re still on for tonight right, the group dinner?”

“Yeah, you wanted to try that new burger place at the mall.” Steve nods then scratches the back of his neck. “Eight, right?” His eyes look at yours for confirmation.

“Yup.” You smile, moving one of your arms so you can rest your chin on your palm. You can’t keep the joy out of your tone when you speak again. It had been a week since you last saw all your friends together ––no counting any short visits–– and since you had been able to hang out with Steve for longer than your lunch breaks. “I’m excited.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks you, smiling back like he is thinking the same thing ––he complained briefly last week that choosing to work overtime would keep you from enjoying summer weekends. His forearm settles on the counter, close to your hand as he pushes his weight on it and looks at you. His eyes grow fond and suddenly it’s like they capture yours in a trance. Cedar brown irises shine beautifully as he smiles; you can see the flecks of golden brown in them, a tiny detail that only appears with the right light. You feel your fingers flutter where they rest near Steve’s arm, itching to hold his hand and let it cover yours, but you can’t.

That would make things weird, right?

You nod your head at his question, mentally reminding yourself not to let your heart out on your sleeve, but your brain seems to be asleep. Steve’s eyes, which haven’t left your face and only seem to grow more intense, shift to your lips—pupils dilating and eclipsing the beautiful brown you were observing. When did his face come so close to yours? Steve’s cheeks blush a second later and your face like it’s on fire. It takes all in you to keep from breathing in sharply at the thought that pops up in your mind. Does he… is he thinking about kissing you? No, that’s you projecting onto him. But then his fingers move, like they have the same impulse as yours, and brush your arm gently, almost imperceptibly; it sends a jolt through your body.

You’re giving yourself away! Your mind yells at the same time your heart argues He might like you, he’s acting differently.

You jump, from the electric and burning touch as well as the store’s bell sudden ringing. A new customer steps into the store, disintegrating any moment, however unusual, that happened between you. You clear your suddenly dry throat and dart your eyes from the customer to Steve.

“I should—” You motion to the expecting client and Steve nods. Your face is still burning, and you bite your lip anxiously while your mind races over what could have happened had the client not arrived.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, and your eyes follow the movement, staring involuntarily at the way his arm flexes. His eyebrows furrow as if deep in thought, he looks at you briefly then. “Yeah, of course babe. I’ll leave you to it. I’ll um… see you.”

“Sure, Stevie. See you tonight.” You hope he doesn’t hear the disappointment in your voice, the way you wish he didn’t have to go back to work.

With that, Steve goes out the door and to his car once more. You watch as he reverses back into the main road and disappears. After a shake of your head to clear your head, you address the new customer, take his order, and set to helping him checkout. But even as you work your mind spins in incessant circles of wistful thinking. Steve looked at you differently, his eyes had shone with different emotions, too many to identify correctly. He looked at your lips and blushed when you’d noticed. Is it possible that… no, of course not. There’s no way he could be into you. You were his best friend, nothing more. But then again so was he, and you’d fallen for him anyways. Is it possible that he reciprocates your feelings?

✫✫✫✫

Later that day, you pull into the mall’s parking lot past 7:30pm. Robin sits on the passenger seat of your car, her combat boots up on the dashboard. She asked you for a ride earlier, and since your houses are very close by, you happily agreed. The two of you remove your seatbelts, and slide out of the car, locking the doors behind you. The summer night is humid, and you feel almost suffocated in the button-down shirt that covers your shoulders and arms. But the mall would be blasting cold air though, the AC turned up to the max, so there was really no way you’d only be wearing the pale-yellow tank top you have underneath your shirt. You check your pockets for your keys and the cash you brought with you, an unshakable habit ever since you got locked out of your car that one time during the winter. Robin talks while she walks next to you, her mind going over the possibility of a vegetarian option at the restaurant.

“I know it’s a burger place, but veggie burgers exist! And I know I will be that person who asks for the vegetarian option but… I don’t do it to shame you guys! I just don’t think the world needs the extra cruelty towards the cow where my burger would’ve come from. Or the water depletion! I just hope it’s actually like 100% veggie burger, and not some mixture of veggies and meat.” She goes on, about some frozen veggie burgers she got at the supermarket once, that were not all veggies.

You chuckle and bump your shoulder against hers. “I’ll make sure to ask them if it’s all veggie.”

“And make sure they show you the packaging, they can lie to us!” Robin insists and it makes you laugh as you approach the mall’s entrance.

Eddie Munson is waiting by the main door when he spots you. “What’s Buckley saying that’s got you laughing, sweetums.” He asks when he reaches the two of you.

“Hi Eds.” You say, smiling once your laughter fades. You accept the hug he gives you and Robin does as well.

“She’s delighted by all my trust issues, Munson.” Robin says and shakes her head before she looks at you, “Isn’t that right?”

“Of course not.” You shake your head. “I’m just imagining the waiter’s face when you ask for a veggie burger.”

Robin chuckles, a playful smile on her face. “You’re right.”

“Shall we, ladies?” Eddie motions towards the door. “Don’t know about you, but I’m ready for some of that freezing A/C inside.”

“I swear these temperature changes are going to get us sick one of these days.” You shake your head but walk along with your friends. “Did Steve say what time he’ll get here? I told him eight o’clock but—”

“Aw, that’s cute.” Robin says with a teasing tone. “You’re trying to sound nonchalant.”

You raise your chin higher, “I’m always nonchalant.”

“Keep dreaming. When it comes to Steve you never are.” Robin scoffs, but not meanly, she just likes to tease you about your feelings for him and how inconvenient they are as he is your best friend.

“Cut her some slack, Buckley. That’s how young love is.” Eddie says, but he’s chuckling too.

“Come on, Baskin Robins, don’t gang up on me with Eddie,” You decide to tease her right back, with an annoying nickname at least. “I asked a genuine question.”

“Dunno.” Robin says, “He didn’t tell me when he dropped me off after work.”

“I thought Harrington would be with you guys.” Eddie mentions as the three of you step on the escalators. You take one step and Robin shares one with Eddie. The two of them stand behind you, so you turn sideways to address them.

“I haven’t talked to him since this morning.” You say, shrugging even as your stomach flips at the unusual interaction you’d had with him. You picture it in your mind; the two of you leaning against the deli’s counter, him in front of you. He’d stood closer than before, his face close to yours while you chuckled. He’d looked into your eyes, then moved his gaze to your lips. Your heart had hammered against your chest so loudly you wondered if Steve heard it.

“It’s almost eight, so he should be here soon.” Robin proposes with a shrug.

“Yeah.” You nod, then look at Eddie with a smile. “How was Hellfire today?”

“Same as usual.” Eddie tells you. “We have a killer campaign next week.” He goes on to tell you about it, and you listen to him even while you turn briefly to step off the escalators. He’s mentioning something Mike and Dustin had come up with at a club meeting and how he’d let them plan the next campaign.

You were about to tell him how the kids were growing on him but the scene in front of you makes you pause. There, on the other side of the second floor is Steve, but he isn’t alone. There’s a girl next to him, holding his arm as they walk in the direction to the restaurant. You can only see her profile, while she looks at him, and she is beautiful. Her blonde hair bounces perfectly with each step she takes, and the pink lipstick she’s wearing suits her complexion perfectly. They way she looks at him is all too familiar as well, it’s a way you’ve looked at him on many occasions ––and a look you’ve worked hard to conceal from him. But where the girl looks at him like he’s too attractive to be real ––he is–– you look at him like he’s your favourite person to ever exist, like there’s no one you will love like you love him.

You stop dead on your tracks, looking away from Steve’s walking form. Your eyes look around to try and find somewhere to hide. A second later you see a thick pillar to your right and you make a beeline towards it —it’s embarrassing really, how you have to hide, but you don’t to want be spotted. Not when your insides feel like they’re collapsing on themselves. But the way you looked at me this morning, you wonder to yourself, did I imagine it? Of course, you did; you’ve known all along Steve can’t and will never be yours. The only one who wasn’t in on the secret was your heart.

Your friends are quick to follow you, crouching next to you in your hiding place. Their gaze follows yours and you can see out of your periphery that they share a concerned look. Steve looks so handsome as always, in that white t-shirt and burgundy vest; his hair is perfect, the grin on his face is lovely. All of it makes your heart ache, even more so when you look at the girl by his side again. His probable date, the one he chose. I wish you were mine instead, you think. I wish… I only saw you as a friend.

You try to speak and open your mouth to, once, twice, but no sound comes out. The only sound you do hear though, is that of your heart as it breaks. You knew this day would come, you’ve tried to prepare for it, so how is it that you’re not ready? Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to control the way your lip trembles and your hand begins to shake. Nausea bubbles in your stomach and you feel an ache within your chest, though you don’t know how —it’s suddenly hollow and devastated. You swallow hard and manage to find your voice. “I need to leave. Y–you guys should go get burgers anyway —let me know how they are.”

Robin and Eddie start to say your name, but you shake your head, wiping at your eyes before your tears fall. “Look at that, the allergies are acting up. Eddie you can give robin a ride home, right?”

Eddie nods, but his eyes are full of concern. He brings his hand to your shoulder and keeps his voice soft when he speaks. “Yeah, buttercup; but we don’t have to stay, we can go with you.”

Robin nods earnestly, struggling to keep her voice down. She starts rambling, insisting on coming with you. “You’re not okay, come on let’s get you home. We don’t need the burgers; we’ll all make excuses. You don’t have to be alone right now, I-I honestly didn’t know he would….”

“No, please guys, I’m okay.” You try to reassure them, the need to flee the mall growing with each minute. The sting of unshed tears becomes more intense. “Tell Steve I ate a bad sandwich at work and got sick. Or anything! I just can’t be here right now. I’m sorry.”

You offer them a poor excuse for a smile before you turn around to leave the mall. After making sure Steve went the opposite way from the front door, you walk to the escalators again, descending them like you would a normal staircase ––there’s no time to way for it to take you to the main floor, you need to leave. It feels like you’re on autopilot from then on, you walk to your car and drive home in silence. Your hands grip the steering wheel tightly while your heart continues to pound in your chest, this time completely differently than it had in the morning. The autopilot you were in shuts down once you park in your driveway, and at once the numbness ends as your resolve to be strong crumbles. Your feelings overflow, they burst from the tiny box you squeezed them into a long time ago, and it’s a matter of seconds for the tears to follow. Once the first one falls, the rest don’t hold back, and just like that you find yourself crying in your car. Your head falls to the steering wheel and your shoulders shake with a sob when the memory from earlier floods your mind again.

You see the two of them and how good they looked together; how happy she was. Would Steve kiss her goodnight? Would she get to feel his touch as they kissed? It all hurts you even more, yet the only one to blame for being in this mess is you. How could you think you had a chance. You’re Steve’s best friend, just that, and you will remain that indefinitely. It hadn’t bothered you before, until a couple years ago romantic feelings bloomed and grew each time you fell more in love with him. Why did you have to fall in love? Why didn’t you ignore your feelings back then to save you the pain of a broken heart you’re experiencing now?

With a few deep breaths you try to compose yourself, wiping at your eyes and the tears that fell on the wheel during your pity party. You can’t stay in your car all night, so you gather your things and make your way to the front door. You discard your shoes once you’re inside and the door is locked behind you. Then, figuring that chocolate can probably trick you into feeling better, you go to the kitchen where you grab a tub of ice cream from the freezer and a spoon.

You sit on the floor, your back to the fridge as you scoop a spoonful of chocolate ice cream and eat it absentmindedly. You feel tired and jealous, but also angry and hollow. This was going to happen, you remind yourself ––no daydreaming or wistful thinking was going to change the outcome. Steve was never going to choose you, romantically anyways. How are you going to face him again, hear him talk about his date and pretend that you’re happy when you know you’re not. When you know that it’s killing you that you’re not and will never be his.

Even the decadent chocolate flavour turns bitter after a few spoonfuls, your thoughts stripping it off its comforting sweetness. With a sigh, you stand up and drop the spoon on the sink then put the ice cream back in the freezer, determined to go upstairs and shower; you’ll cry yourself to sleep soon after. Yes, that’s a good plan. You empty your pockets and leave everything on your dresser —your keys, and the money you didn’t use. In the bathroom, you start the shower and let the water warm up as you undress and put a shower cap on. You don’t have the strength or willingness to wash your hair tonight, besides, the sooner you’re in bed the better. The warm water soothes you, as does the vanilla scented body wash you always use. You put all your focus on getting yourself clean, trying to leave no room in your mind to think about your feelings.

By the time you’re out of the shower and slip into your sleeping shirt and shorts, you feel proud of yourself because you hadn’t cried anymore. But the small triumph only lasts until you’re done brushing your teeth because just then the phone starts to ring downstairs. You rinse your mouth before going back downstairs and to the kitchen, thankful for your deep-sleeper parents when you see its 10:30 on the microwave’s clock.

“Hello?” You answer the phone, wondering who’s calling.

“Hey, babe.” Steve voice says on the other side of the line, and you the minute to hear his voice your non-crying streak is broken. Your throat feels tight, and your vision blurs; flashes of what you saw at the mall come back to you like an unkind reminder. You want to hang up, you have to make up any excuse because Steve can’t hear you cry.

“Hi,” You murmur as your fingers fidget with the phone’s curly cord. You tangle and untangle your finger in it, anything to calm you down.

“Robin said you’re sick, how are you feeling?”

If only you knew.

“I’m…not great,” You say, and it isn’t a lie, he just doesn’t know why. “I’m throwing up my guts.” You continue, trying to stop your voice from wavering and pressing your lips together as you take a deep breath. I’m also crying my eyes out you think, but you don’t tell him.

“Must have been a really bad sandwich,” Steve says–– you can picture him scratching his chin as he speaks, his eyebrows furrowed. “This morning you were fine. I called Henderson and he’s not sick.”

You shake your head, of all the times he chooses to be perceptive… Yeah, this morning seems like an eternity ago. When I thought you returned my feelings, but you went out on a possible date, and it broke my heart.

“I ate a different sub.” You say. “And with my luck it probably had poison in it. Maybe it was the lettuce.” You fake a chuckle, knowing the lie is sealed tight now. The kids hate veggies, that’s why you never put them in their sandwiches. If you say you put some in yours then it’s more believable that you got sick, and they didn’t.

You clear your throat, needing to spare yourself any more pain. “I… um, feel very tired though so I should go to bed.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, probably nodding his head even though you can’t see him. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea, beautiful. Drink lots of water, ok?”

Your heart tightens at the pet name ––one of many that started meaning something different to you a while ago––and his concern. In another world, one where you aren’t in love with him, you know he would be comforting you through your heartbreak. But that isn’t the world you live in. Here, you deal with it alone because silly you fell in love with your best friend.

“Yeah, thanks Stevie. Night.” You hang up and squeeze your eyes shut as you lean against the wall, letting your tears finally fall to the kitchen floor.

The sudden knock on the front door makes you look up, and you barely have time to wonder who it is when you hear Robin’s voice calling your name. “Open up! I can see the lights on!” She says from the other side.

Though you’re tired —and surprised— you make your way to the front door and open it to find Robin and Eddie standing there. They look at you with both worry and sympathy when they see your red-rimmed and puffy eyes. It’s enough to make you tear up again.

“I hate everything.” You mumble and they step inside to envelop you in a three-person hug. “What are you guys doing here?”

Robin scoffs softly, “You honestly think we wouldn’t check up on you?”

You can only shrug when they step back, that’s exactly what you thought earlier. “I guess not.”

“We didn’t want you to be alone.” Eddie says, his lips forming a frown.

“Thank you… I appreciate that.” You tell them, though you feel guilty that your currently emotional state made them come see you. “Come in, make yourselves comfortable.”

The three of you move to the living room, where you lie face down on the couch, knowing you don’t have to pretend to be okay with your friends. Eddie sits on the coffee table and Robin goes to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

“How were those burgers?” You ask though your voice is muffled by the couch. “Steve just called. Thank you for covering for me.”

“The burgers were… interesting.” Eddie says, “We were going to bring you one but Robin said you would throw it up.”

You shake your head, sitting up briefly when you hear Robin approach. “You can rip the band aid off. I just heard his voice and lied to him, so what’s some more pain?”

Robin hands you the glass of water which you accept and take a few sips from. Eddie takes the glass from you when you’re done, and you collapse on the couch again, facing the ceiling this time.

“He came to the restaurant with her, sat down with us for a bit.” Eddie begins and his leg bounces anxiously as his hands fidget, like he’s unsure he should be telling you more, “He asked about you, and got worried when we told him you got sick.”

“They didn’t stay long.” Robin says from where she now sits on the floor next to you.

“Was she, his date?” You ask, looking for some confirmation of your assumptions.

Robin nods and takes your hand in hers. “Yeah, it was a date.” She whispers.

You nod in understanding, eyes fixed on the ceiling as tears gather in your eyes. So it is confirmed then, you think dejectedly, I read too much into what happened in the morning. I fooled myself into thinking he was into me. One of your tears rolls down your cheek and hides in your hair.

“Shit, sweetums.” Eddie says, sounding upset by your current state. “Come on, don’t cry.”

You chuckle morosely, “I can’t help it, Eddie. I feel like my heart went through a paper shredder.”

“I thought Harrington was into you, buttercup, I was almost certain of it.” Eddie shakes his head; you feel his eyes still on your face. “Robin too.”

“Yeah, I never thought he’d bring a date to dinner. Considering you invited him.” Robin is shaking her head while she pulls on a thread sticking out of the carpeted floor.

“We were all wrong then.” You say, closing your eyes, “Me for believing I wouldn’t care or be affected if Steve dated someone, and you guys for thinking he saw me as anything other than a friend.”

There’s a minute of silence between the three of you as you shake your head at your own foolishness and stare at the ceiling. “He called me, just as you guys arrived. Had to hang up quickly so he wouldn’t hear me cry.”

Robin’s hand falls on your shoulder and squeezes it in comfort. You think about how you had to lie to Steve, how you didn’t even let him say good night. It makes you tear up again. “This is pathetic. Why is it affecting me so much?” You say, voice muffled as you cover your face with your hands.

“Hey, come on it’s not pathetic.” Eddie says, gently pulling your hands away from your face. “You just got a big heart, so your feelings are stronger. Nothing wrong with it.”

You turn your head to look at him, feeling guilty for needing comfort but also grateful for it. “Real good that’s done.” You chuckle without any joy, “I should’ve known better.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Robin chides, moving to sit on the couch, urging you to rest your head on her lap.

“Thank you.” You tell Robin, and then Eddie. “I’ll be okay, eventually.”

“How?” Robin asks, shaking her head at you, as she runs a hand over your head.

“I just need to sort out my feelings for Steve; put them back on the box they were in before.” You explain, trying to convince them and yourself at the same time.

“And when Harrington goes on another date?” Eddie echoes your conscience beside you which makes you turn to look at him again.

You bring your gaze back to the ceiling when you feel yourself tear up once more. Will your heart survive something like this once again? What if you see him kissing someone else. What pain will that cause?

Eddie places his hand over yours, his rings cold against your skin. “You’re crying just at the thought of it, buttercup.”

You cover your face with your hands again as the tears continue to come, falling down your cheeks in earnest. “I need to get over these feelings. I need to forget that I ever fell in love with him.” You shake your head. “I need to get away, clear my head.”

“And go where?” Eddie asks, doubt and concern lacing his tone.

“Your aunt’s” Robin says a second later and two pairs of eyes turn to look at her. “She’s always asking you to visit, you can go there.”

Robin is right, Aunt Maggie is always asking when you’ll visit her again. She has a lovely farm with a light blue painted house. It’s been a while since you last drove there and you’d be lying if you say you didn’t miss her. Two birds, one stone.

“Wheres that?” Eddie asks, his hands now playing with his hair anxiously.

“Ohio, a little out of Columbus.” You rub at your eyes, “I can drive, it’s less than 4 hours away.”

“So that’s it, you’re leaving?” Eddie looks at you like you’ve lost your mind and you shrug. Maybe you have, but there’s no denying you need to figure out how to move forward after tonight. Doing so 4 hours away from Hawkins and without having to actively ignore Steve seems like the best alternative.

“I’m off work until Wednesday next week, it works.” You tell your friends, sitting up on the couch. You look at Robin, thankful for her memory. “I’ll call Aunt Margaret in the morning.”

“I don’t want you to, but…” Robin sighs, slouching where she sits. “When do you think you’ll leave?” Though you can see she’s trying to act casual, you know she’s nervous for you; worried.

“Probably Sunday?” You run a hand over your head, “I need to pack.”

“You don’t have to leave.” Eddie is shaking his head, opposing your idea.

“Eds, I just need to be with my thoughts for a while, see what I’m going to do. Otherwise, I won’t stop hurting, and all the crying is going to dehydrate me, and I’ll end up dead.”

Or your heart will give out. Your eyes tear up again, like they’re not done crying. Not yet. “Fuck, not again.”

“I just want you to be okay. I’ve never seen you cry, sweetums. Ever. Tonight has been shocking to say the least.” Though you can’t see him, you can hear the frown Eddie has on his face as he speaks.

Robin puts her hand on your knee, patting it twice. “We just want you to smile again, for real. Like you did earlier tonight.”

“Well, I was going to eat some fries and a burger, and I thought the guy I love might like me back.” You chuckle and wipe your tears again, uselessly. “I will be okay, I feel absolutely empty right now, but I will be better. A change of scenery will help me.” You hope.

“So, Sunday?” The two of them ask you.

“Sunday.” You nod and swallow hard, deciding to give them both a smile instead of more crying.

“I hope you’re right about this.” Robin mumbles.

“Me too.” You say, hoping things will work out.

✫✫✫✫

Sunday morning eventually arrives, and you wake up early in the morning to make sure you have everything you need for the next 3 days. You pack a couple snacks and some water bottles for the road, take your car to fill up the gas tank, and pack anything else you might need. Robin arrives at 10am, Eddie at 10:15, to load your things in your car and say goodbye before you leave.

“How did Steve take it?” Robin asks you. The three of you sit on your front door’s steps, waiting for Steve to arrive. It didn’t feel right in your heart to leave without saying goodbye to him, so you called him last night.

You sigh, “He was very confused, you know how he is. He asked a bunch of questions, but I told him I’d explain today.”

“Explain, huh?” Eddie says with a chuckle next to you.

“You know what I mean, Munson.” You roll your eyes and bump his shoulder with yours. “The necessary information only.”

Just then you hear a car approach in the distance and recognize it as it comes closer to you house. Steve speeds to your driveway, barely putting his car on park before he’s sliding out of it and walking towards you. A frown pulls down at his lips, there’s a crease between his brows as he furrows them and his hair is a dishevelled from running his finger through it —it still works for him, it always does. Damn you for always looking so good Steve, you think as you see the way the blue polo he’s wearing fits him.

You stand to greet him, offering a small wave when he stops in front of you. “Hey.”

“Babe, what? You’re leaving?” Steve is shaking his head when he steps closer to you, brows still furrowed in question.

“Aunt Maggie called me, Steve, she asked me to visit.” You explain. Your hands fidget with each other in front of you. “You know she lives alone, maybe she needs some company.”

“So this time you just accepted her invitation?” Steve sounds confused, like you’re not making any sense and you know you probably aren’t, but you nod anyway.

“Yeah…”

Steve brings his hand up, close to your face and rubs the skin of your under eye softly with his thumb—his frown deepens. “You haven’t been sleeping well?”

When you can only shrug—speechless from his touch— Steve sighs. “Why are you really leaving, beautiful?”

There he goes again with the pet names, making your heart race, and confusing it at the same time. He is so caring, and worries so much you wish you could tell him the truth; that it wouldn’t make you lose him. “There are some things I need to figure out.” You say when you look at the floor then back at him. You don’t want to lie to him, so a vague truth would have to do.

“You can talk to me, you know that. You can tell me anything.” Steve says softly, his eyes pleading you to talk to him or maybe to stay? You’re not sure.

Not this, you think, I can’t tell you this. “I hope I can, Stevie. Eventually.”

You step closer and hug him wishing for nothing more than to comfort him. The minute you’re in his arms you curse your body for fitting so perfectly against his, and the way it relaxes under his touch. You melt against him for a second, your mind spiraling further. You’re the only one for me, can’t you see? Can’t you tell how perfect this feels? But you’ll never see me as the one for you. Steve’s arms are a reassuring weight on your shoulder, and the way he hunches to cocoon you in his chest makes you sigh softly; softly enough he doesn’t hear you.

“Call me, yeah? I don’t know your aunt’s number.” Steve mumbles above your ear. it tickles you but you dare not move from his embrace. Not yet.

“Robin has it. I’ll call you though, to tell you I arrived okay.” You nod, knowing he feels the movement.

“And drive with caution.” He says next, his tone serious before his voice becomes softer. “ I could have driven you.”

“It’s like an 8 hour round trip Steve, I’d never ask that of you.” You shake your head against his shoulder, involuntarily breathing him in.

Steve reluctantly nods, still frowning you imagine but you don’t blame him. Even without your romantic feelings involved, it would make you sad to leave town for a while. This separation from him though necessary is killing you on the inside. “Just be careful, okay? I’ll miss you.”

You nod against his shoulder again. “I’ll miss you too..” You step back, putting some distance between you and looking into his eyes one more time. I’ll miss everything about you, you want to say.

“Let me check your car, make sure it’s alright for the road.” Steve is still frowning as he scratches his cheek anxiously. “Won’t take long.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” You muster your most convincing smile while your heart aches at his concern. He nods, and walks back to the driveway.

Robin’s arms envelop you a second later, squeezing you tightly. You return her fierce embrace with one of your own, sighing at the thought of leaving her behind. “Sorry to leave you with all the boys.” You tell her.

Robin takes a step back. “Please come back, okay? And call me when you get to aunt Maggie’s ‘cause then I’ll know you’re safe and sound. Don’t forget, or else I will end up hitchhiking to Ohio just to make sure you’re safe and with so many weirdos out there who knows where I’ll end up.” Robin starts to ramble, her eyes serious and her hands clutching your shoulders to get her message across.

You nod your head, smiling at her concern and creative mind. “I will call you, just please don’t hitchhike alright? Ask someone to drive you if you need to check that I’m not dead.”

Robin nods, her short hair bouncing lightly on her head. “I’ll miss you.”

“I will too.” You give her another hug before you move over to hug Eddie, who stands next to her.

Eddie’s leather jacket is cool to the touch, but it doesn’t take away any warmth from his hug. “You’ll be alright buttercup. Things might seem shitty right now, but it’ll get better.”

“Thank you, Eddie.” You say, voice small as you step back and look at him, grateful for his words and his support. “For everything. You’re a good friend.”

He dismisses the compliment with a wave of his hand, smiling softly at you. “You need anything, call us. We’ll get to you as fast as we can. Right, Harrington?” His eyes move to your car, and you turn around to find Steve there closing the hood.

You walk to him and stand next to the driver’s side. “Is it good to go?”

Steve nods, staring at the floor and then looking into your eyes again. “Come back, okay babe? I sure hope you find me here when you do, and that I haven’t crashed myself into a car because the kids drove me crazy while you were gone.”

You laugh at his joke and his own laughter follows soon after. Your eyes light up at the smile on his face, the way his eyes squint against the sun and wrinkle in the corners with his smile. You adore him, you are seriously fucked. “I’ll be back here on Wednesday, Stevie.” You smile at him, forgetting about everything for a second and kissing his cheek. “Don’t crash your car.”

With that, you slide into the driver’s seat, start the car, and drive away.

Steve stands in the driveway and stares after your car as it becomes smaller in the distance, until it turns a corner and disappears from view. It doesn’t feel right, fuck, it’s not right. Why did everything decide go to shit all of a sudden?

“You know Harrington, I did not take you for a blind man.” Eddie says to him, rubbing his chin before he shakes his head.

Steve puts his hands on his hips. “What’s that supposed to mean, Munson?” He’s lost, he’s been so confused since Friday. What had happened?

“Nothing,” Eddie puts his hands up. “I just think it’s sad that you’re so lucky, but you fail to see it.” Eddie gives him a small smile, then goes to his car as Steve stands there feeling more confused than before.

“Munson! Eddie! Come on what’s that supposed to mean?” Steve calls after him, but Eddie doesn’t turn around.

“You’ll figure it out eventually.” Is all Eddie says before getting into his car and driving away.

Steve turns, looking at Robin with pleading eyes. If there’s something he’s missing, which he’s sure he is, she must know it. “Robs?” He asks. “‘You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Robin flicks his nose, then chuckles. “You should go home, dingus. Sit on it for a while, it’ll come to you.” She turns around and starts to walk along the sidewalk back to her place, leaving Steve to think over her words.

It’ll come to you. What will?

✫✫✫✫

It, in fact, did not come to him. Not on Sunday, and definitely not on Monday, especially with Robin’s refusal to help him out. No clues, no explanations, nothing. Steve’s hair is in a permanent state of disarray from constantly running his fingers through it. You were gone, and though you had talked to him briefly on the phone it just wasn’t enough. Steve feels like he’s going to lose his mind. You’ve been acting weird since the weekend, dodging dinner with what he thinks is a lie about being sick, then randomly leaving to Ohio. There was also the fact that your eyes looked sad, the last time he saw you, your smile only coming through when he joked right before you left. It had filled his chest with joy, but then you drove away and everything inside him deflated. He feels like a walking carcass, a shadow, a lost pet walking down the streets. Had he done something to upset you? Would you ever tell him what?

“You’ve been checking that list out for more than an hour, you know that right?” Robin speaks up from where she sits, reading a magazine with her boots propped up on the counter.

Family video is empty around him, like it always is on Tuesdays, and Steve looks down at the inventory list he’s holding. Every box is checked already, but he zoned out thinking about you and now he looks like an idiot standing by the drama aisle. How fitting.

“Shit.” Steve sighs, walking to place the list on the counter. He rests his head there, squeezing his eyes shut. There are too many questions swirling in his mind; it feels like he’s going crazy ––so he starts to pace. “What if she doesn’t come back Robin!”

“Why wouldn’t she?” She asks vaguely, and Steve knows she’s only half listening to him. “She has a shift at the deli on Thursday.”

“She left last minute, something must have happened. And it has to do with me, because she didn’t tell me until the last minute! I’m her best friend, I’m always the first to know.” Steve runs a hand through his hair again, and stares at the carpeted floor while he walks the whole length of the counter and back. “Then there’s you and Munson being so mysterious about all this, not telling me anything.”

“Steve.” Robin sighs, “I don’t think there’s a point in me telling you, I think you already know what happened, but your mind doesn’t process it yet.”

“I don’t know!” Steve throws his hands up in exasperation at the same time the front door opens. Dustin, Max, and Lucas storm inside, determined looks on their faces.

“Where is she?” Dustin demands, foregoing all manners as he looks from Steve to Robin.

“Who?” Robin asks, not looking up from her magazine.

“You know who!” Dustin says, rolling his eyes. “She’s not been at the Deli for two days.”

“And she won’t answer the phone at home. Her parents said she’s away. Where?” Max asks, furrowing her eyes when she looks at Steve. “Did you do something?”

“No! I’m as lost as all of you are.” Steve rolls his eyes. “She’s been acting weird since Friday.”

“She seemed fine to me.” Lucas shrugs, the crosses his arms over his chest. “She gave us some sandwiches, then we talked for a while. Everything was normal.”

“Yeah, well she bailed on dinner with us because she got sick from eating a sandwich.” Steve shakes his head, looking away from the accusatory looks the teenagers were giving him.

“From a sandwich?” Max says, a confused look crossing her features. “Can’t be, she ate half of mine and I’m fine.”

Steve’s head turns to the redhead so fast, he’s sure he risked whiplash. “What?”

“I told you.” Dustin says with an eye roll. “None of us were sick on Friday.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me she shared a sandwich with Max!” Steve points a finger at him, then sighs and rests his hands on his hips. “So, she just bailed? Didn’t go to the mall? She told me she was excited.”

“You didn’t see her there?” Lucas asks.

“No, Eddie drove Robin that night, she wasn’t around.” Steve shakes his head, then looks at the teens in front of him suspiciously. “What do you know?”

“Eddie couldn’t have driven Robin; he ran out of D&D and then drove to the mall. He said he was running late.” Dustin explains, his eyebrows are furrowed in concentration and Steve knows he’s trying to figure the puzzle out. “So, she must have driven Robin, but why did she leave?”

“Why did she lie?” Steve wonders aloud.

“Maybe she changed her mind.” Lucas supplies and Max shakes her head.

“That’s not it.” Max mumbles, at the same time Robin speaks up.

“Maybe she saw something she didn’t like.”

“I knew it! You know something!” Steve says, turning to face Robin at the same moment she lowers her magazine.

Her gaze is serious, “Think about it, Steve. What did you do on Friday.”

All teenagers turn to him, expectant looks on their faces to hear what Steve has to say.

Steve’s face transforms into a grimace. “I went on a bad date with someone.”

“What?!” Dustin, Max, and Lucas, yell at the same time.

The outrage in their eyes makes Steve put his hands up. “What do you mean ‘what?!’”

Max pretends to think, then speaks up. “Um, aren’t you like completely gone for Y/N?”

“Why would you go on a date with someone else?” Dustin shakes his head.

Steve scratches the back of his neck and looks down at the floor. He almost messed up on Friday afternoon, when he went to the deli to see you. You had looked just so fucking pretty ––like you always do–– with your hair styled in that way that makes Steve crazy and that pink lip-gloss on your lips. It was like you were trying to drive him out of his mind that day, and Steve being the idiot he is, had slipped. He’d leaned too close to you, he let his eyes shift down to your lips and fucking blushed when you caught him staring. He’d given into the impulse of touching your hand and was pretty sure he would have kissed you had a customer not arrived. He felt so stupid, the one thing he told himself not to do ––let you find out he’s in love with you–– and he went ahead and almost blew it. You had smiled so prettily at him, and it took everything in him to put distance between the two of you. So, after leaving the deli, flustered and in a rush, Steve looked for a date to bring to dinner that night. Anything to get the feelings that had surfaced in check, and to cover up his slip in front of you.

“So I would be forced to think about someone else but her! So she wouldn’t figure out I like her!” Steve shakes his head, disliking the way everyone is looking at him like he’s a blind man. Just like Munson said on Sunday.

“It all makes sense now.” Dustin nods, and everyone agrees. Everyone but Steve.

“No,” Steve shakes his head. “What? It doesn’t.”

Robin groans and puts her magazine down. “How would you feel if it had been you in her place, Steve?”

Steve looks down to the floor again, thinking about it. He thinks about you on a date with someone else, some dude who would get to hold your hand and make you laugh. It immediately hurts something inside of him, and he clenches his fists by his sides. “That makes no sense, it would suck, but only because I have feelings for her.”

Max is going to say something, but Robin holds her hand up and speaks first. Her eyes are trained on Steve. “He’ll realize it, give him a minute.”

Steve thinks about the way you lied about being sick and avoided dinner on Friday, those are things he would do too, if he is being honest. He thinks about the possibility of you having feelings for him, about his love not being unrequited and it all makes sense. Your avoidance, the way you looked so sad on Sunday. He’d hurt you, and now you thought he was in love with someone else. Your heart. Steve winces as he thinks about how you must have felt, your heart, so kind and so big, it must have hurt that night. It might even still hurt right now. All because of him.

“So she…” Steve mumbles, speechless at the thought.

“YES STEVE!” Everyone yells at him, and that is enough to jump-start his heart and his mind. It spurs him into action.

“Shit! Shit!” Steve says, patting his pockets for his keys. “I have to go, I gotta go see her and–– and I’ll figure out the rest on the way.”

“We’re coming with you!” Robin jumps up from her seat, a look of triumph on her face. “Told you you’d figure it out.”

“Keith, we gotta go!” Steve yells over his shoulder, running to the door and flipping the store’s sign to close. “Take it out of my paycheck!”

Everyone squeezes into Steve’s car, with barely any time to put their seat belts on before Steve reverses out of his parking spot and speeds out of the lot. He sees everything with new eyes. Hope flourishing on his chest. He needs flowers, and he needs to think over what he’ll say. He’s got 4 hours, more than enough time.

✫✫✫✫

The days you spent at Aunt Maggie’s house had been everything but uneventful. She had welcomed you with open arms and showed you the new things she’d changed around the house since your last visit. From then on you had kept busy, thankful for the distractions, working on the garden, watering the many flowers planted around the property, driving to town and running errands for your aunt. Then there was Saturn, Aunt Maggie’s golden retriever, who had done wonders to your mood the moment you arrived. But still, your feelings and thoughts always found a way to creep up on you. You thought and missed Steve, constantly, unable to tune him out like you hoped, and every phone call with him cemented the fact that you can’t go on lying to him. He is still your best friend, and even though you’re going to lose him you came to the decision to tell him the truth. You’ll tell him that you’re in love with him once you’re back in Hawkins. You figure, that if you’re going to end up hurt either way ––pining while he dates someone else or alone after you confess your feelings–– you might as well get hurt from telling the truth.

You are just about done baking some cookies, taking them out of the oven and setting them on the counter to cool, when you hear a car approaching the house. The gravel road crunches under its weigh, and you look out the window to see if Aunt Maggie was back from her book club. But it isn’t her car that’s approaching, it’s Steve’s. Tiny pieces of dirt fly everywhere as the tires move on the small and secluded path to the house. The sun that’s still shinning, though lower on the sky, glints on the windshield and conceals who’s inside. You try to keep your emotions in check, but your stomach flips traitorously at the thought of it being Steve.

Saturn barks next to you, propping his paws on the kitchen counter to look out the window. A second later he dashes to the front door, and barks to let you know he wants to go out. You take your apron off, and walk to the living room, lingering by the front door for a moment as you wonder what the hell is going on. Your aunt’s dog runs outside the moment you open the door, surprising Max, Lucas and Dustin when they open the back door. Robin is next to slide out of the car, opening the passenger door and running to where you stand.

“Hey stranger.” She smiles, her arms hugging you tightly as you chuckle. You hug her back, smiling widely at the sight of your friend.

“Hey yourself.” You say. “What are you––?”

“YN!” The three teenagers run to you. They shove Robin out of the way before they hug you and though you try, you can’t make out a single word they’re saying. It could be gibberish, or something serious but you can’t focus on any of it because Steve steps out of his car in that moment.

“There are cookies on the kitchen counter.” You tell the three of them after your hug, and it’s enough to get them running inside the house.

Steve walks around his car and stands there, in the sun, holding a small bouquet of colourful flowers. His face is serious, save for a small smile he sends your way, and with just one look you can tell something is different. But you don’t know what.

“Hi.” He says when you walk towards him, eyes shining in a new way that confuses you even more.

“Hi, Stevie.” You smile, then tilt your head slightly. “What are you doing here?”

Steve offers you the flowers with a shrug and when you take them from him, his hand holds your wrist gently. “I came to see you, I have to tell you something.”

You look at his hand when it lets go of you, and swallow hard. “I––I do too.” You say, taking a deep breath and looking into his eyes. How is it that he got prettier in just 3 days.

Steve starts to speak but you speak up first, needing to tell him the truth once and for all ––before you chicken out. “I love you Steve. I––I have feelings for you, so many that I can’t hide them anymore. I saw you on Friday at the mall when you were out on a date and it… well it broke my heart.” You shake your head, looking away and to the side.

You gather courage with another deep breath and look at him again. “I didn’t know how to face you without you finding out about my feelings, so I lied about being sick. I’m sorry for lying, I hated it, I hated being away from you too. But I decided to let you know how I felt, regardless of the consequences. I understand if this makes things between us weird.”

Steve shakes his head, holding you free hand. “Babe––”

“Please don’t call me that if you don’t mean it like it means to me, Stevie.” Tears have gathered in your eyes, and you brush them away quickly. “I can’t take it.”

He takes a step closer to you, making the distance between the two of you smaller. You breathe in sharply at the proximity, only to become breathless a second later. “Babe, baby, beautiful, gorgeous, sweetheart.” Steve whispers to you, his eyes adoring and melting you on the spot. “I mean them all, I’ve meant all of them.” Steve confesses and brings his hands up to cradle your face, his smile is almost shy as he speaks.

At your stunned silence Steve continues, growing more confident. “I love you, I’ve loved you for so long. I only went on a date because I almost kissed you that morning and tried to get over you. And I failed because it’s impossible to get over you.” He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you because I never thought you’d feel the same way, you’re way too good for me.”

“No, I’m not.” You shake your head, tears blur your vision for a whole different reason this time. “You deserve everything, Steve.”

“I just need you, only you, babygirl.” His thumb rubs your cheek softly, it makes you close your eyes. “You were gone 3 days and it was hell…I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Stevie.” You whisper. You feel speechless as you stare up at him in wonder and in love, struck with the truth and the relief that you don’t have to give each other up after all. “We’ve been so wrong.”

Steve only nods, understanding the look in your eyes like he’s thinking the same thing. “Gotta make it right.”

You look at his lips then back at his eyes, feeling your face burn when Steve smiles at you.

His pupils dilate as he takes you in, his eyes feeling like a caress everywhere he looks. “I’m yours, baby.” He says softly, “You can kiss me.”

You settle your hands on his shoulders and you lean in, feeling electricity go through your whole body when Steve’s lips touch yours. Every breath on your body leaves you at one, every thought disappears from your mind, and it only leaves room for you to focus on the person in front of you. Your best friend, who’s lips fit so perfectly with yours, you’re not sure how the two of you took so long to take this next step. Because you were both idiots, your mind supplies. You tune it out and wrap your arms around Steve’s neck, pressing your chests together in the process and bringing you even closer. One of Steve’s hands that cradled your cheek moves to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss, and you can’t help the sigh that leaves you. Goosebumps rise on your skin when you feel his tongue brush your bottom lip, his hand tangle in your hair, his teeth lightly catching one of your lips between them. It’s perfect, it overwhelms your senses, it makes you want to stay in this moment forever. You wonder briefly, if this is all a dream but shut that thought down immediately. There’s no way you could conjure up a dream this perfect, a dream that feels so right.

You smile, then laugh when the joy you feel is impossible to hold back, and Steve pulls back with a matching smile of his own. “There it is my girl’s smile. ‘Was going fucking crazy not seeing it for more than a day.” He says.

Your smile brightens, your heart soars inside your chest at how right it all feels. “I missed you, Stevie.”

Steve’s hands drift down to your waist and bring you closer to him; his eyes dark from your kiss softening after a moment. “I missed you more, come back home yeah?”

“I will.” You nod, matching Steve’s shining smile. You hold back a giggle, an idea popping up in your mind just like it did last Friday. “I just have one question.”

“Sure babe.” Steve leans down, his lips placing a couple of barely-there kisses on your cheeks. “Anything.”

“Did you see that updog on the way here?”

“What’s updog?” He asks distracted, lips against your skin.

“Nothing, what’s up with you?” You giggle, and soon start laughing at the look of absolute defeat on Steve’s face. “Told you I’d make you fall for it eventually.”

“Oh come on, I was distracted! You tricked me.”

You cackle as he tries to deny the fact that he fell for your prank and Steve’s eyes squint with determination. His fingers flutter on your waist and you squirm out of his reach, knowing what’s on his mind. There’s no way you’ll let him tickle you. Steve laughs when you start running away to the open field next to the house. He runs after you, following your own laughter, his heart so full it could burst.

You look over your shoulder and smile. “I love you!” You tell him, just because you can, and can’t help but thank fate for this turn of events when Steve yells back:

“I love you.”

tagging some very nice people: @magnitude101999 @steveslittlesunflower @avengersbabe13 @vulgarfuckinvirgo @k1ngeddie

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington hurt/comfort #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic

6K notes · View notes

snoozisworld · 3 months

Text

Bi-Han x Fem!Reader - Arranged Marriage HCS (Part I)

A/N: Oh boy... hello ... it's been a while ...... 3 months to be exact. Ive been super busy these past few months with college and work so im sorry i've been mia... heres my apology! its a bit long so this will have two parts, anyways enjoy!!!

.·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·.

(In this AU Bi han never betrayed his brothers and their father lived longer and died of natural causes, Tomas and Kuai are still in the Lin Kuei)

Background: You're part of another clan who's been rivals with the Lin Kuei for years, the current grandmaster (bi hans dad) has grown tired of the decades long feud and has proposed the two clans come to an understanding, as the grandmaster believes an alliance could be beneficial to both clans. The grandmaster of the rival clan (your father) has surprisingly agreed, on the condition that the alliance be formed via a marital ceremony. His eldest (you) and the lin kueis eldest (bi han) are to be married in order to make the alliance official and, in theory, make the bond of the two clans stronger. Bi han doesn't agree and believes this feud would've been solved by simply beating the rival clan into submission, but he follows his father's decisions if he is to be the next grandmaster.

.·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·.

The events following the proposal:

- The first few days after the alliance was proposed, Bi-han was angry. How could his father even consider the possibility of allying with the enemy? It enraged him to no end.

- He spent days training harder, letting his emotions get the better of him. His brothers advised him that it was for the clan's benefit to have the 'enemy-turned-ally' in their good graces, but he was having none of it.

- After a week, his father called him and his brothers to his office. When Bi-han saw the rival clan's grandmaster sitting in the room, idly discussing plans with his father, he almost throttled him. He was stopped by Kuai Liang, who advised him that would NOT be a good idea considering the current circumstances.

- He begrudgingly sat in the meeting, and talked with his father and the others about the alliance, mostly discussing the potential military power, the disclosure of information, strategic planning, etc. But one thing that Bi-han was not interested in whatsoever was the arranged marriage.

- When the topic was brought up, Bi-han instinctively tuned it out, having absolutely no interest in the discussion. Bi-han settled with tolerating the alliance for now, so he saw no purpose in divulging the means to it.

- Of course however, it was the grandmaster's daughter after all, his "pride and joy" as he would call you, so he proposed that the two meet prior to the wedding. He said it would be good for them to "get to know each other". But Bi-han couldn't care less about you, to him you were just a means to an end, nothing more.

- After the meeting was over and everyone left, Bi-han stayed behind with his father. He argued there was no point in meeting you, and that if he was to care about this alliance at all, his father would grant him at least that; blissful ignorance of your existence. But his father didn't budge, he just regurgitated the words of his newfound "friend", that it would be good for him.

The day of the meeting:

- Bi-han would rather be doing anything else right now. Hell, he would rather be helping Tomàs train than be here right now; that's how horrible this felt to him.

- Kuai Liang had managed to convince him to meet you by reminding him of how proud their mother would be. A little manipulative? Sure, but it worked; so here Bi-han was, waiting for you to arrive in the front garden of the Lin Kuei estate.

- He sat on a bench and donned a beautiful blue and white traditional hanfu, hand-sewn by his mother. He played with the hem of his sleeves, slightly annoyed by your tardiness and (even though he will never admit it) he was a bit nervous.

- He heard the gates open and stood up, making his way to the entrance. That's when he saw you.

- Truthfully, Bi-han was never a "ladies man" as Kuai Liang would crudely say. He was just never interested in the pursuit of a relationship, he was more focused on his training. That meant he was never 'exposed' to a lot of women, and the act of interacting with them. As pathetic as it sounds, the only woman he constantly interacted with was his mother.

- After her passing, he completely closed himself off, having absolutely no interest in a relationship, even now. The only reason he's even here right now is because of the alliance. If it were up to Bi-han . . . well let's just be thankful it isn't.

- When he laid his eyes on you, it felt like being hit a bus. As prideful and arrogant as he was, he could not deny your beauty. For a moment he even questioned if you were really that grandmaster's daughter.

- It was weird, it was technically Bi-han's first time feeling like this, so naturally he hated it.

- He would've preferred that you were ugly, so that it wouldn't be so distracting to have you around, but no, you had to be the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He hates this and he hates you.

- When you approached him, you looked up to look him straight in the eyes as you mouthed something to him. Bi-han didn't hear you and he didn't know if it was because he didn't care or if he was still taking you in.

- The whole conversation was awkward, if you could even call it a conversation. Bi-han offered to show you around the estate, but he wouldn't even look at you, much less talk to you.

- If you asked him something, he would always try to answer with a simple yes or no and he would never properly look you in the eyes; you picked up on this quite early on, which made you go quiet the rest of the tour.

- Safe to say the first meeting was an absolute disaster.

(1/2)

.·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·.

A/N: okayy! part 1 is done, im tired its been so long since ive even THOUGHT about mk1 so sorry if im a little rusty... anyways tomorrow i post part 2 and hopefully ill get back to a nice rhythm.

#mortal kombat #mk1 #fanfic #bi han sub zero #mk1 2023 #bi han x reader #foryou #afab reader #sub zero #bi han x you #smoke mk #scorpion mortal kombat #subzero mk1 #headcanon #arranged marriage #bi han is whipped #writers block #female reader #lin kuei

288 notes · View notes

kvrokasaa · 2 months

Note

karasu comforting overachiever!reader with a lot of anxiety?

my exams are around, ive cried 6x and had a mental breakdown in 3 days. and im a good student at heart but not on paper. im trying😭

take care! love❤️

I can relate to this sm, I promise myself that I’ll study but then it gets late n all I wanna do is sleep lmfao. But I hope you’re doing alright, love. Remember to drink lots of water and eat lots of food! And take breaks when studying so you don’t get headaches!

Sorry I posted this so late, but here it is.

Cw: crying, fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, cursing, not proofread. lmk if i missed any!

Wc: 1.1k

Overachiever!

Karasu is like your best friend, he’s always been there for you and promises he always will. Even when he left for a program called Blue Lock, he still managed to talk to you. Especially when you were going through a nasty breakup with your ex. He has always been there for you.

Something Karasu noticed over the years of being your friend; you’re an overachiever and a perfectionist. You have to get good grades, it’s like it was hard-wired in your brain since you were a child. If you didn’t get a good grade, even on a test that was optional or didn’t have any impact on your overall grade, you would feel so ashamed and full of anxiety. You were afraid of your teachers hating you, honestly, you’re just afraid of authority figures. You would always try to hide your feelings behind a fake smile, and sometimes it worked. But this time it didn’t.

You were in your room studying, all day long. No matter how many times people tried to pester you, or ask you to take a break, you would decline and go back to studying. You needed to get a good grade. You had stayed up all night long studying and going over the crucial information that would be on the final.

So why? Why do you have an 84% on your final? Why isn’t it at 100? Other people congratulated you, saying that the test was really hard. But you know that Mia, the top student, got the perfect score without even trying.

You tried this year, you really did. You made a resolution that you would try your hardest this year; that you wouldn’t give up so easily like last year. And you know that bad habits die hard, but you were doing so well. Even though this isn’t your last year, you feel like you failed at school.

‘Take a deep breath. Failure is the one pathway to success.’ Karasu’s words came floating into your mind. But you could still feel the onslaught of the tears and the tightness of the pain in your chest. You tried to take a deep breath but it wasn’t enough, it felt like all the oxygen in the world just vanished.

You don’t know how you got home, all the memories of the people saying ‘Good job’ and ‘Don’t beat yourself up, you did better than me’ are the only ones you can remember. All you want to do is crawl into your bed and cuddle your stuffed bear while you cry. But you have to study more; you have to study for your next classes. You can’t just give up because of one class. Oh but how badly you want to.

A sudden knock on your door pulled you from your thoughts. “Come in.” You cringed at the crack in your voice, quickly you straightened your posture and pretended to be okay.

But all of that faux hope and happiness faded away when you saw the unmistakable blue eyes. The tears came rushing back, along with the shaky breaths.

Karasu walked over to your desk and smiled down at you. “Hey, just wanted to stop by,” his hand raised, revealing a bag with your favorite restaurant name. “I brought your favorite.” His voice died down, almost to a whisper when he saw your tears.

You quickly wiped them, but the red streaks were still there. He sighed and sat down on your bed. “It’s okay, Y/n. Stuff like this happens, don’t worry about it too much.” You shook your head. “No, I should worry about it,” he raised a brow. “Why?”

You felt a little agitated because he couldn’t understand. Of course he couldn’t, he’s always been the type of person to get good grades without even trying. Knowing him, he probably slept through most of his classes and still got a 95 or higher on his final. Typical Karasu.

“Because who would I be if I don’t have good grades? I know that grades don’t matter much in the world, but I’m the one who feels the shame. I’m the one who has to remember what it feels like to try your hardest and still fail.” You felt like pulling your hair out, breaking things, just something to ease your mind. To ease the pain.

He brings his hands up to your cheeks, squishing them a little which brings a smile to his face. “Remember what I always tell you. ‘Failure is a pathway to-’ ” “To success. I know that, but still,” You move your head, making him release his grip. “I don’t want to fail, I don’t want people to remember me as the person who always failed.” Your voice was almost higher than a whisper, but he still heard you loud and clear. Karasu could hear and feel the pain from your voice.

“You-” you release a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down. “You wouldn’t understand.”

‘Ironic’ he thinks, you’re the one who’s not understanding. A simple grade doesn’t define who you are as a person.

“Y/n look at me.” He grabs your face, “You are doing your best, you’re trying your fucking hardest and I’m so proud of you for that. You’re way smarter than what people give you credit for.” You try to shake your head, but his grip on your jaw tightens. “No. I don’t want to hear you deny anything. You need to understand that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to feel helpless after a bad grade. But it’s not okay to beat yourself up. Don’t worry too much about how this grade, which is a passing grade, will affect your future.”

Karasu pulls you in for a hug. You close your eyes and bury your face in his chest. “You’re in the present right now, not the future. And I’m sure the future you are a CEO; trust me I can see it.”

You both laugh at his words. You sniffle and look up at him, “thank you, I really needed that.” He nods his head; his eyes looking from your eyes to your lips. “Anytime, I mean it.”

This is what you expected, a lecture and comfort from Karasu. It’s what you wanted. But what you didn’t expect was his lips on yours. Before you could enjoy the moment, he pulled back and smiled down at you. “Safe to say that I think you return my feelings,” your eyes darting everywhere but his and your little nod was a good enough answer for him. “And as much as I want to kiss you again. Our food is getting cold.” He pulled you down onto the bed along with the bag of food. “Let’s eat.”

#bllk x reader #bllk #bllk x you #blue lock #bllk karasu #karasu tabito x reader #karasu tabito #bllk fluff #bllk comfort #tabito karasu x reader #tabito karasu #tabito x reader

58 notes · View notes

pansear-doodles · 10 months

Text

its time i talk about the person who left a dent on me

the worst part of my trauma when it comes to it being connected to people i was once close with is that my perspective of what makes of them reminders of them (i do this to anyone im close with- whether it is a symbol or a certain appearance or trait or event)

little bit of serious talk here folks, so i apologize for the unexpected. hope you have the filters.

for most of my internet life, it was almost only me. completely unfiltered. came to deviantart first. became popular at an early age because of what i was doing in the fnaf fandom- it was not good for my mental health.

my groomer has a sona that never changes by design. he's always depicted as an orange fox with black long hair, black beanie and striped jacket. he likes fps games, especially the resident evil series- having associated me with Mia from resident evil 7. he likes fnaf (we met through fnaf... while i was like 14 i think- while he was 9 years older than me). he draws well... i guess. in pokemon form, he would be a jolteon. i would be a pansear. he would be the fox. i would be the rabbit.

as a child i was very impressionate, overly emotional, and cringe (ofc). i would be best friends with my groomer after finding out we shared many common interests and kept talking to each other about it- and then later fess up i have romantic feelings for him.

this would have been the opportunity for him to back up and say no.

but he didn't say no.

we continued off and became a couple. not many people batted an eye on how questionable it was for a 15 year old to be in a relationship with a 24 year old. almost nobody, save for a few concerned friends (and one stranger on Transformice) who i ignored unfortunately, talked it up with me to leave him. i held our relationship as a sort of defense mechanism. i relied on him to make me feel happy. i did a lot of things with him, and including those of the unsavory before i became of age. (i ever regret doing them- but how would i have known- i wasn't the adult here. he was.)

oh and have i mentioned he said the (un)iconic "you're pretty mature for your age." to me

you know whats one of the funniest weirdest shit about our relationship events was? he would show me this club penguin vid where there is a troll making crude remarks and harass someone (presumably a kid). that brotherman bill cp video. he would recite and memorize the song while blindfolded. ironic how he turns out to be in the end.

the wake up call was when he retweeted nsfw of an underage fictional character. seeing that purged my stomach.

yes. it was nsfw of a fictitious minor that was the nail to the coffin. nothing else. i was so delusioned. so troubled. i couldnt see anything else problematic until that happened.

it was so hard for me to let go of him. thankfully i had friends who comforted me and stuck with me through the whole way through. i was on my bed crying.

we've been in close contact for 5 years. i was convincing myself to stay on a doomed relationship because i didnt know what to do- i was already broken and unwell. i was very co-dependent (and i think some of those negative traits still follow me to this day- learning how to get out of that though). my groomer has left a large gap of my mind when we broke off- i revolved so much stuff around him.... and i forgot a lot of memories because of the trauma- taking even the happy unrelated to him ones with it.

i cared too much. and as someone who draws fast- you can imagine how much ive done.

my old files are infested with his likeness. i know i can just delete them but theres so much. so many. it is utterly revolting to see it all and the memories that come with it.

but as time went on, im starting to care less and less about what has happened between us. i am still traumatized of course and a lot of the negative things followed me, but i am healing somewhat and thats what matters i think. most of the things ive associated with him- the connection is fading. i have separated fnaf from him. i no longer associate orange foxes with him. i am comfortable drawing characters in black beanies.

if there is anything i should be grateful for, is that im no longer with him and im happier with someone else. im thankful for the friends who have helped me cope out of that shitfest.

if you know who this person is, i advise you not to witchhunt and harrass him. i dont know what hes doing and honestly i dont give a fuck on how he's doing. he should get help honestly. it is me, myself the victim, who has the say on the matter- and my say is to leave out of his sight.

if you are a minor and someone older than you does these similar things to you, please let your parents and friends know immediately. please be safe.

if my groomer ever reads this, somehow, then to him i say: i am not afraid of you and i do not care about you anymore.

thank you for reading.

#groomers #tw grooming #cw grooming #please let me know what else to tag #thoughts

115 notes · View notes

nonbinaryeggrolls · 9 months

Text

Battle of the Larynx I

Miguel O’Hara x afab!reader

Pt. 1, Pt. 2, Pt. 3, Pt. 4

Synopsis: Having Spider-Man as a boyfriend was becoming increasingly more difficult, and his reoccurring absence is tearing you apart

A/N: hi y’all! ik ive been so MIA with my stories lately. if im being honest sometimes i just don’t have ideas for new chapters or how to continue in progress stories, but hopefully i can get some more done soon! but for now enjoy this quick Miguel O’Hara story cuz i am OBSESSED with this man atm

Inspired by Battle of the Larynx by Melanie Martinez!

Warning: smut (fingering), toxic relationship, ANGST (yk i fucking live that shit), neglectful Miguel, LONG ASS CHAPTERS

MINORS DNI. AGELESS AND MINOR BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

You knew what you were getting yourself into when he told you. You knew the nights that laid ahead for both of you filled with his crying and screaming after a failed mission led to a loss of innocent life. You knew the days would consist of hours holding your breath wondering if he was alive or not, and finally exhaling when he arrived there at your doorstep; battered and bloody but still, he was there. That was really the only promised you asked Miguel to keep— be there. You could handle him leaving randomly and not coming home until 2 in the morning, it was his obligation as a hero and that came before anything else. But he also took an obligation as your partner to be present when it mattered most, and according to him he cherished that concept with his life. So if that was the case why wasn’t he here now?

Miguel had been gone for 5 days now, longer than he’s ever been gone for. Five days of nothing, no calls, texts, emails, even an owl with a note would’ve sufficed at this point but he chose to leave you in the dark yet again. You touched up your mascara in the shiny elevator door reflection as you prepped yourself for the celebration party you and your art school classmates planned after you all landed the animation internship. What was supposed to be a chance for your friends to finally get to know Miguel was clearly turning into yet another evening third wheeling other couples. Another night of watching girls curl up with their lovers while you downed a spiked lemonade to forget about yours. This was the 26th time Miguel had abandoned an important event with no notice whatsoever (yes you’ve been keeping track). It started with simple things like picnic dates or small get togethers, then his absence gradually became more impactful. Missed family dinner’s, birthdays…anniversaries. Disappearing for days on end with no check ins, it was becoming torture. It was becoming increasingly obvious that people started to question whether or not you even had a boyfriend, and slowly you did too…

To Miggy 🧸:

please tell me you’re coming tonight, you know this means a lot to me Miguel

4:23

can you just call me and let me know youre alive at least????

4:49

i hope youre chaffing in your suit asshole

8:14

The elevator door opened letting you onto the top floor of Alchamex, it was pointless checking but you always did anyways. You crept your way into his office hoping to see his usual tired figure slumped over in his chair, ready for you to nag him like you usually do to take a break and eat something, but the only thing occupying the space was scattered papers. You looked through his window that towered over the Nueva York city streets trying desperately to hold back the tears that were fighting their way out.

“Y/N?”

Y/N: “Jess! Im- Im really sorry.” You turned your head only slightly so she couldn’t see your puffy eyes.

Jess: “Y/N, you’re part of reception you know you can get in a lot of trouble being up here without authorization.”

Y/N: “I know I know I just…I thought Miguel be here.” You mumbled between hiccups that came up from you failing to hide your sobs. Jess wasn’t stupid, it didnt take a genius to know what you were upset about, or who you were upset about, “If you um… if you see him can you just ask him to come home please.” Working through your sniffles, you wiped your face with your sleeve and made your way out of the office before she even had time to respond

Jess sighed feeling a twitch of anger brew inside her towards the young man, she scowled and muttered obscenities under her breath as she dialed Miguels number…

The next week came and you missed the party entirely, the calls from all your friends and colleagues went unanswered. Honestly, your self esteem couldn’t take another embarrassing, lonely entrance into an event that Miguel was supposed to accompany you too. Another endless night of sympathetic looks and pity hugs.

The clock read 7:48 pm when you arrived home from work, another day of taking calls and booking meetings for a man that wasn’t even there half of the time. With a heavy sigh you set the bags of groceries you had in hand down in order to get your keys out of your back pocket. The space was dark and cold when you walked in, it had been for the last week. You stocked the fridge with your new groceries then before taking a quick shower and finishing your nightly routine. You were in the middle of applying your night cream when you heard a loud thud causing you to finally leave the bathroom. In the corner of your eye you caught a glimpse of a tall dark figure emerging from the window. You let out a shriek managing to fumble everything in hand as you scrambled to find your pepper spray.

Miguel: “Woah woah! Relax it’s just me! it’s me Y/N!” Usually you’d be used to Miguel’s late night window entrances but it had been so long since you last saw him you forgot he even did it. He turned on the living room light revealing his tired and bruised figure. He was still dressed in his spider suit, the suit you excitedly spent hours on your ipad drawing and redrawing to get the perfect design; now you hated the sight of that thing.

Y/N: “Miguel?”, seeing him gave you relief knowing it wasn’t an intruder, but the anger that’s been stirring in you for the last 2 weeks slapped you back to reality. Silence filled the space between you two, neither of you taking the initiative to speak first. It took 2 weeks for him to come back and you weren’t going to wait another second waiting for him to find the balls to say something.

Miguel: “Y/N please wait!…” he pleaded when you turned away and slammed the bedroom door behind you. You plopped down onto your mattress, you were exhausted and couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore, but you felt the empty bed space behind you dip with his weight.

Miguel: “Congratulations on your internship cariño, I knew you’d get it…” No response. “I…I got this for you. Y/N?” If you turned around you’d see the small gift wrapped box he held in his hand but you were motionless. This new silence terrified him. The possibility of you finally giving up on him made his heart sink a little

Miguel: “Y/N I’m really really sor—

Y/N: “Just shut up Miguel, shut up already…” you finally spoke through gritted teeth, “You’ve never cared about a single thing that I care about, if you did then you would’ve been there like you said you would but you weren’t! SO JUST FUCKING SHUT UP!” you sobbed and curled your legs closer to your chest

Miguel: “I know you’re angry at me… but Y/N I really am sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t call you or text you. I’m sorry it took Jess calling me to make me realize how terrible I was being. I should’ve been there to take you to your friends party, like I promised I would. I wanna be someone you can count on and trust but I’m screwing it all up.”

At this point Miguel had already stood up from the bed, you could feel the floor thump as he paced back and forth trying to find the right words to say to you. You couldn’t help but peek over at him, he looked horrible with his head in his hands and blood and dirt still caked on his suit. Regardless of how angry you felt towards Miguel you always took pity on the poor man. He loved you with everything he was and everything he wasn’t, all he wanted was to be everything you ever needed, but you were the first woman he had ever been with since Dana and Gabriella passed. You knew loving you was like learning to walk again.

You called his name in your soft voice. His head shot up, you were finally facing him with your arms open inviting him in for a hug. Miguel practically jumped from his seat and into your arms. Words couldn’t describe how good it felt to feel your touch and even though he smelled like ash and rubble you felt exactly the same, practically crying as you melted into his hold

Y/N: “I thought you were dead Miggy, you can’t keep putting me through this I can’t take it.” He settled deeper into your embrace and rested his head into the crook of your neck

Miguel: “I know, I’ll be better for you…” You felt his lips latch onto your neck and pepper you in small kisses, “I love you Y/N. I love you so much.” He groaned against you, pushing his stiffened member against your groan and pulling out a desperate moan from your lips

Y/N: “I…I love you too Miggy…fuck!” You screamed has he drove his thick fingers into your already soaking cunt. Every curl and thrust against your plush walls pushed you closer and closer to your edge.

You cried against his shoulders. There were times when the space that was wedged between you two felt infinite then dwindled every time he came back home to you.

It was euphoria, to feel him with you again.

But every high has to come down at some point.

The sound of arguing pulled you from your sleep. It was 2 in the morning when you rolled over to see a space where Miguel was originally sleeping beside you. It wasn’t unusual for Miguel to wake up in the middle of the night to work at the kitchen table or yell to Jess about some other spider variant that messed up a mission; one named Peter seemed to come up very frequently. However it seemed like this specific conversation went on for a fairly long time, you could even begin to here Miguel’s voice shake with whoever he was speaking to.

You slipped on a new t shirt from Miguel’s drawer since the clothes you previously had on had been ripped to shreds. His voice became more and more clear as you made your way down the hall

Miguel: “Do you already have an idea on who it could be?…Fuck. Okay, I’ll *sigh* I’ll be there soon.” He hung up and pinched the bridge of his nose in a mixture of frustration and disappointment.

Y/N: “Youre leaving again aren’t you?” Your voice startled him out of his sulk.

Miguel: “…Jess suspects there’s a spider variant that’s purposely letting anomalies run loose in other dimensions. I have to handle this Y/N...”

7 hours, it took 7 hours to fall into the same old routine. It was honestly amusing at this point, all you could do was laugh. How stupid you were to think things could be any different. How stupid you were to think that HE could be any different.

Y/N: “Are you fucking serious?!” You shouted

Miguel: “Y/N Stop it, not right now please. I need you to just go back to bed and let me—

Y/N: “Let you what?! Let you leave me and come back anytime you find it convenient? How long are you gonna be gone this time Miguel, a month this time? Do you even care about the promise you kept to me? Or do I even cross your mind when you’re out there dimensions away from home playing hero for everyone else but me? This isn’t a hotel Miguel, this is our home! At least that what it fucking used to be!” You fumed. He towered above you but that didn’t stop from getting in his face, “It’s not fair Miguel! You don’t get to leave me alone for weeks and come back and fuck me thinking that’ll make it all better! You have to be better!”

Miguel: “You need to stop acting like you’re the only person in my world that needs my attention! I’m not a monster for putting the safety of the multiverse first. Im sorry I can’t be here to rock you to bed and give you a kiss goodnight all the time. Sometimes we have to put personal matters on the back burner Y/N, it’s called responsibility!” He gathered his phone and the rest of his belongings off the kitchen table

Miguel: “I have enough to worry about as it is, having you and Jess blowing up my phone to go to some party with people I don’t even know doesn’t he—

Y/N: “What?” Your tone was softer and started to become laced with hurt, it was evident in the way your voice started to shake, “Jess called you that night and it took you a week to come back?”

Realization of what he just said settles in and it makes his brows furrow in frustration and both himself and you. When he looks over at you with that same stupid emotionless face he always has you can’t help but boil with anger. His nonchalance towards your problems made you curl your fist until your knuckles turned white

Y/N: “No you’re not a monster, but you are an ASSHOLE for making me believe you could balance work and me! Why are you even with me if you can’t—

Miguel: “This conversation is over, I have a job to do and youre keeping me from doing it.” He cut you off harshly, dismissing your concerns yet again.

Y/N: “I never asked you to sacrifice your obligations! I said from the beginning that being a hero comes first, just make some goddamn time for me now and then! Why Miguel? Why do I have to beg you to see my family at Christmas?! Why do I have to beg you to meet my friends or give me an ounce of attention?! Why do I have to ask you to care about me?!”, This was frustrating him too much, your lack of understanding was infuriating. Miguel had to leave before he said something he might regret. He turned away from you and your manic sobbing and made his way to the window seal without another word, afraid that he might damage things worse than they already were by speaking

Y/N: “If we switched places I wouldn’t DARE treat you as terribly as you treat me—

Miguel: “WELL YOURE NOT ME! YOU SIT AT A DESK AND DOODLE ON A FUCKING COMPUTER! YOUR CAREER IS A JOKE, A CHILD COULD DO WHAT YOU DO. YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING TO THIS WORLD, I DO.” His nostrils flared and his eyes burned red with anger, “SO DONT YOU DARE SPEAK ABOUT MY LIFE LIKE YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, WHAT IVE HAD TO SACRIFICE JUST TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT IN THIS WORLD!”

Y/N: “GOD. YOU ARE SUCH A CUNT!”

Miguel: “AND YOURE A REPLACEMENT!”

Miguels eyes widened and his rampage instantly stopped. You couldn’t believe the words that had just left his mouth, and honestly he couldn’t either. He didn’t mean it at all, he wanted to take back those words as soon as the left his mouth, he just wanted to leave. Why didn’t you just let him leave? He wouldve been right back. The air was thick and uncomfortable, your combined heavy breathing was the only thing filled the space between the two of you.

Miguel: “I…I’ll be right back.” There was a shakiness in his voice and in his movement when he stepped out onto the fire escape.

Y/N: “Dont come back. If you leave tonight…don’t come back Miguel.” You spoke in a tone barely above a whisper

Miguel: “We’ve said things we don’t mean…I’ll be back later to fix things.” His suit integrated onto his body and he leapt off of the building ledge. A blur of blue and red was the only trace he left behind.

The truth was out now, how Miguel really felt towards you. You were never a first priority or even a second or third, you were nothing but a soul to fill the space where something else was missing. His wife, his daughter, you never tried to stand in their place or become what they were to him, but now you knew that’s the only reason Miguel kept you around. You were his vice

Your heavy cries carried throughout the apartment as you laid in bed cradling the maroon cardigan that was in the gift box Miguel got you.

The spider society headquarters was empty and calm, but the office at the top floor was anything but. Miguel sat atop of his hovering platform brooding in silence in front of his computer monitors, It’d been like this since he arrived. Miguel was always stern and reserved, he never held a conversation with anyone other than Jess or Lyla so him being fairly quiet was normal. But for Miguel to not say anything at all was strange, and it didn’t take long for others to take notice of his behavior shift since leaving your apartment

Margo, Peter, and Jess were the last people at headquarters, after a long day of interrogating potential rogue variants the crew was finally successful and able to apprehend Spiderman on Earth-3360. What will happen to the young man wasn’t decided yet but catching him was a cause for celebration. The group sat around the cafeteria table sharing empanadas and Soju for a few minutes before they went back to their own universes

Margo: “Yeah Ive been in his office all day with him and Lyla and he’s barely said 2 sentences, he wasn’t even mean during interrogation. It’s like he didn’t have it in him to yell. I think he’s depressed or something.”

Peter: “I thought he was always depressed, that’s like his thing isn’t it? That’s why he’s not funny.” He joked and finished off the last empanada

Jess: “I don’t know but I need to get home, my back is killing me and I can’t deal with The Grinch any longer.” She said taking letters hand to help her up from the chair.

The group said goodnight to each other, Margo logged off and Jess went home to some much needed rest, honestly this line of work seems too dangerous for a pregnant woman. Peter made his way up to Miguel’s office, who he knew could hear the entire conversation thanks to his enhanced hearing.

Peter: “You know they’re right Miguel…” he shouted up to Miguel who was brooding on his platform

Miguel: “About what?” he asked in a condescending tone

Peter: “About you, you don’t think we’ve noticed you moping around all day. Do you wanna tell me what the deal is so you can stop pouting?” he swung onto the platform and took a seat next to Miguel, crossing his arms and sitting firm in place waiting for Miguel’s response but he was met with silence, “Is it the rogue variant? Cuz we’re not gonna let this happen again…”

Miguel: “No.”

Peter: “Miles? Gwen? Ben?”

Miguel: “No it’s none of them.” He turned his attention away from him and focused on organizing the handful of papers on his desk

Peter: “Then what is it? Is it Y/N?”

Miguel: “Did I say anything about Y/N?! Why even bring her up?!” He snapped, it was exhausting having to work and act like every terrible thing he said wasn’t weighing on his mind. Miguel couldn’t even interrogate the variant with losing focus, having to have Jess switch him out is gonna remain one of the most embarrassing points in his Spider-Man career. Peter was never a first choice for a sounding board, but it was only going to get worse for Miguel if he didn’t turn to someone for advice, because Lord knows he was terrible at handling relationship problems on his own

Miguel: “I said something bad, really really bad Peter…” he confessed. He took a seat in the chair next to him

Peter: “Do you wanna be more specific?”

Miguel: “I told her that her career was a joke. Then I called her…a replacement.” Peters eyes widened, he knew Miguel was capable of harsh words, he’d seen it first hand with Miles but this was unexpected. Especially with you, the girl he fawned over and practically stalked at work until you made the first move.

Peter: “Shit, Miguel. That’s really messed up…Did you mean it?” He asked

Miguel: “No of course not! I didn’t mean any of it, I was just frustrated. I’m not the bad guy for prioritizing my duties! She just wasn’t listening Peter, she wasn’t understanding any of what I was saying or where I was coming from. I didn’t mean what I said.”

Peter: “So why did you say it?!” Peter exclaimed

Miguel: “I DONT KNOW!”, He slouched over in his chair and cradled his head in his hands, his own words made him sick to his stomach. How he urged to tell you how guilty he was for what he said, for never being there, for making you feel like you didn’t mean anything, “I just wanted her to be quiet, everything she was saying was right but it made me feel guilty and awful. I wanted to make her feel worse than I felt. God I’m so fucking dumb…”

Peter: “You know I’m not good with this, it wasn’t long ago that I was a sad piece of shit too with a partner at home who basically couldn’t stand me. That being said, I also know that when it feels like nothing you say can make up for everything you said, and you said A LOT, maybe too much. I would never say something like that, that was insane…”

Miguel: “Peter…” he said through gritted teeth

Peter: “Sorry sorry, that being said when it feels like there’s nothing you can say that could make up for everything you said, a simple apology means more than you think it does. A real apology Miguel.” Peter looked at him, he didn’t need words to know that Peter was basically tell him to finally get his shit together.

Miguel: “What if she doesn’t accept it?”

Peter: “She will if you mean it…”

Passing buildings were a blur to Miguel, he was racing home so fast he couldn’t even focus on anything around him. While he swung from structure to structure he planned out every single thing he’d say to you, how he’s sorry for failing you in this relationship and he’d change for the both of you. He even tried to remember if there was still cinnamon in the spice cabinet so he could make you your favorite comfort drink, champurrado.

Miguel soon landed on the fire escape outside your apartment, you made a habit of leaving the curtains open for him so he could see if you were up or not and now it was an involuntary part of your routine. He peeked inside and saw you sleeping peacefully on your bed, hoping to come join you he tried to open the window but it wasn’t budging.

‘Had you locked it on purpose?’ He thought to himself, no you couldn’t have, you always left in unlocked for him. But when he saw the book you had used to block the window from being moved he panicked. Miguel knocked on your window, frantic and desperate

Miguel: “Y/N! Y/N! Unlock the window!” He pleaded. His knocking stirred you out of your sleep and you sat up in your bed, your puffy eyes on full display. When you finally looked over at him you were emotionless just as he was to you, it terrified him seeing you look at him with no longing or affection

Miguel: “Let me in…please cariño”, he begged

You were so tired, you were so tired of wondering why your boyfriend left you to question his love for you and now after tonight you know why. You stood face to face with him, the window still a barrier between you and him. It ate away at you but you couldn’t stand another night asking yourself why you weren’t getting the love you deserved. You had your answer and you didn’t need Miguel around anymore, not if you were going to be another substitute for what was missing.

Miguel: “Y/N…Y/N please wait!—

You closed the curtain in his face and went back to bed but it didn’t stop his knocking and pleading, begging for you to let him in and mend what he broke. It continued for an hour until you were convinced he eventually gave up and left. Him being gone finally gave you a chance to break down once again into your sheets, but Miguel sat on the fire escape listening to every choked out sob and hiccup you let out. Every painful cry the he caused you and now he wondered if he’d ever be able to fix it.

#across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel spiderverse #peter parker #into the spider verse #spiderman #miguel x y/n #atsv miguel #miguel o’hara angst #miguel o’hara smut #hobie brown #miles molares #atsv

75 notes · View notes

cleromancy · 6 months

Text

still thinking about mia!

in particular i found the deliberate and thoughtful way ga01 approached the concept of a plucky teen sidekick refreshing... because sidekicks are a staple of the genre, right, and moreover most of us *like* them, so how do we justify the "good guys" *having* them when we're also writing stuff with way more realism than the old stuff?

and to be honest i don't really need that when im reading, i can suspend my disbelief. but you have to commit to the bit when you're the one writing it, you have to believe it. and a lonely place of dying... it did ok for what it was and im extremely fond of it, but i also think it was already walking away from like... the fact that batman got robin killed, yk. it was walking away from what that meant. and like i said thats fine. if they never brought robin back i never would have gotten into comics in the first place, yknow?

but i think the exploration of some of the thorny concepts around mia sidekicking in ga is great because like. this is *emphatically* not an omelas situation. green arrow definitively does not "need" a speedy and it is also emphatically not speedys job to provide a counterbalance or whatever.

ok this got long. putting in a cut here

and both dinah and roy absolutely tear into ollie about his decision to let mia sidekick with him--and i feel like ive read a fair few kid/teen sidekick stories which have the kid wind up in danger (or whatever) regardless of the adult trying to discourage them, and the adult at that point figures if theyre going to sneak out/disobey/whathaveyou its better to do it where the adult can keep an eye on them. and there are times when this is presented like the adult literally cannot convince the child not to do those things, which. yknow. we understand how fiction works so we also know if the writer says the kiddo wont listen to any reason, that the adult just doesn't have the power over them to stop them, then thats what happened... but the implications about the power dynamic and the adults ability to set reasonable boundaries dont paint a *great* picture.

but GA doesn't do that... i would argue mia was being set up to be the 2nd speedy all the way back to dinah and roys conversation in that plane where they just learned ollie might be alive and cant stop bitching about him lol. and iirc this is within the first 6 issues. and dinah and roy are both throwing around unfair accusations at the time, but roy says smth to the effect of what do you want to bet he's already training her to replace me. and i don't think he really believed that but it obviously planted the idea in readers heads if it wasnt there already! but yknow after that, mia doesn't debut as speedy until ga 46, or thereabouts im not looking it up, several years later both IRL and in-universe (or well in-universe its almost 2 years. iirc.).

(i can't even imagine how it must have felt if youd been following that series the whole time *finally* seeing that enter speedy cover. id have been screaming my damn head off.)

anyway. i already talked about comparing and contrasting the man mia killed during her test run vs the jason and felipe situation but i also wanted to say that i think it was great that the whole conversation pretty much *opens* with that. like forget physical danger the kid might be in--what about the psychological toll? what about the choices hes putting her in the position to make?

despite ollie very much being the protagonist of the series and mia very much being a supporting character, the focus of the emotional impact is on her, and the focus of the *responsibility* is on him. (now compare and contrast batman with robin...... listen, i absolutely do not believe it wasn't set up as a deliberate contrast, ok.)

and you would naturally think that would mean she doesn't... get to be speedy. she doesn't get to be a hero. she doesn't get another chance. but then she gets her HIV+ diagnosis, and the focus for mias character turns specifically to *living* with HIV.

and i think that's what makes it clear, to me at least, that the whole... fighting crime thing is supposed to be a metaphor. at least on some level. its a power fantasy, its a metaphor, its about the *good guys winning.* heroes being heroes. and i think a lot of the discussions around representation have gotten so overblown for what they are, but--unironically--sometimes its really meaningful and important just to see yourself. and to believe that no matter what youve lived through, you can be good, you can be wanted, you can make a difference.

which is why mia gives her presentation in the auditorium about her diagnosis, and i feel like this was also a deliberate callback to roy "only you can prevent forest fires" harper and his anti-drug PSA. because roy decided, after snowbirds, he was going to go public about his addiction because he wanted to help other people going through the same thing he did, or prevent other people from going through it yk. and there are two incidents i can think of where, years down the line, he feels some regret over it because now hes just known as the heroin guy, the guy who used to do drugs. but i also don't think he would ever have chosen to do anything else. both speedys are actively choosing to bear that stigma openly in the hopes of reducing it, you know?

speaking of which! i thought it was a *fantastic* - and no doubt deliberate - contrast to how roys drug use was treated, to have mia only talk about it *once* (this is in the HIV+ issue. 45ish?) that she regularly did meth when she was on the streets, and its explicitly clear she did it to survive. and it never comes up again. there's no condemnation, there's no literal war on drugs propaganda here. (the first roy comic i ever read was the mini ntt one in the mandatory fucking D.A.R.E program in middle school, btw.) it was a fact of her life because her life was *fucking dangerous,* and meth helped keep her alive until she managed to find her way out of it!

so this is another concept mia becoming speedy explores--the fact that the people who should have kept her safe as a child did the opposite. mia has never been safe her entire life until moving in with ollie. and the people who hurt her left permanent damage in a physical way in the form of HIV. so now ga is exploring like... what it means to be safe. what it means to be mortal. what exactly is a childhood. and it doesn't dig *too* too deeply into these because its not that kind of comic book, its the kind of comic book where the good guys shoot glue arrows at bad guys and stick them to the floor. but it approaches it and sits you down with those questions and i mean, for me at least, even putting aside exactly how hype i was for mia to take on the mantle, it felt *right* that ollie would say yes.

and the next issue i think or the one after that (its the teen titans one! tim is there later). is the one where roy reams ollie out for this, they talk about it, roy lampshades the different... contexts of having a speedy. like its not like how it used to be. the bad guys are worse, its not safe enough for a kid anymore. and this is where ollie relays mias diagnosis (<- she had already decided to go public about it as i said before, so ollies not sharing information that isnt his to share here). and roys like that could have been me. its a good issue! i like what it does with what its doing.

and then some 20 issues later, once mia is reasonably well established as a superhero and a titan....... Enter Jason.

(🥰)

i have so much to say about this arc i love it so much. let me preface by saying none of this is a condemnation of jason, hes pretty much my favorite fictional character of all time. im not interested in wagging my finger at the guy styling himself as a supervillain at the time and going Naughty Jason! Thats Not How We Make Friends!, yk. im also not endorsing it, bla bla bla, whatever, this really aint about him right now. right now we're just talking about what he does for the story, the questions he poses about mia and sidekicks and shit.

god, where to fucking start.

i guess ill start with jasons "were not so different you and i" villain speech. and yknow at least on the surface level theres like. a certain join-me-be-my-robin element to it or like he's encouraging her to cross the line or whatever. but honestly, jason was less there because jason todd the fictional character wanted to be there, and more because winick as the writer thought it continued to explore the concept in an interesting way.

because we've talked about green arrows responsibility vis a vis letting her be a sidekick bc of the psychological impact of it, about the choices she's put in a position to make, about HIV and what it means to be a hero and safety. all of those things. and jason shows up to *demonstrate* that--

--it really is not fucking safe to do what they do.

and Jason is, i think, at his most terrifying here, and thats on purpose. it is *visceral*. it is so, so incredibly well done. and it throws ALL those questions of safety and responsibility and mortality and heroism and do-gooding into a new light because you really feel like, oh my god, her life is in danger.

tbh i think some of the reader anger at jason for this arc--and titans tower, just to a lesser degree because it wasnt NEARLY as good lol--is the fact that he *is* challenging us, the readers, to think about our beloved kid/teen sidekick trope. he brings back the element of realism that GA was drawing away from somewhat, the element of *real consequences.* and as a reader it is so much easier to just be mad at jason because well hes the villain of the story...... and ignore the fact that hes demonstrating--both by being the dead robin cautionary tale, and by being ~red hood, the scourge of the underworld~ lol--that if this is not something she's prepared to face, a possibility she's prepared for, then she shouldn't be wearing that uniform.

and that the person she relies on to protect her can't always be there to do it.

and, mini tangent, there's absolutely no way jason was trying to kill her here. he terrified her, he kicked her ass, but he didn't do any permanent damage and he didnt "lock her in" (<- real reading i saw once 🙄 try reading it again with your eyes next time genius) he stabbed his knife into her cape. if jason were being written by anyone else i would entertain the idea but it was winick, who knows exactly how smart and thorough jason is supposed to be *because he was the one who made him that way.* there's no doubt in my mind that jason was perched somewhere watcging to make sure she got out before the place went kablooey but you know what, in fairness, thats not on the page. BUT, like. the reason mia *thinks* jason was going to kill her--before she realizes he could have if hed wanted to, and purposely let her go--was because he wanted her to think that. he wanted to scare her and he wanted to warn her and he wanted to make her think.

really really love this arc.

anyway. i mentioned in my other post that winick tweaked mias backstory so she was also homeless like jason, which i sort of have mixed feelings about. in smiths version, her dad trafficks her and later she winds up as one of the "girlfriends" (euphemism for victims) of his associates. and that was ... not really the picture of child trafficking you usually see in comics, the more common real-life scenario rather than the sensationalized version of quote-unquote child prostitutes on street corners. but at the same time i think winick kept the most important part (the familial trafficking) and i also think he changed it in order to explore all the aforementioned topics in an interesting way. it doesn't feel like it was just an arbitrary change, or to make it more exciting or whatever. like he was exploring stuff with it, it was purposeful.

for example--going back to mia and meth. the more you read of winick the more you notice that intravenous drugs and illnesses associated with them (so including but not limited to HIV/AIDS) are something of a... recurring... motif, i guess? they're something he regularly comes back to explore. and thats interesting in the context of mia for a lot of reasons but well. when mia defensively says to ollie that she used meth, the reason she gives is they used it to stay awake on the streets. and i do think winick deliberately--and *effectively*--explored the pre-existing (and historical) parallels btwn batman and green arrow in a bunch of other ways, so i don't think im off base in saying the fact that *robin* 2.0 famously lived on the streets *probably* had something to do with the backstory tweak for speedy 2.0, particularly again bc of jasons "we're the same" villain speech. but also, like i said, she mostly used to stay awake(/alive), which is something of a harder sell if she hadn't been homeless, and also like i said, winick likes exploring drugs and wanted to write a hero living with HIV.

before i get into the comparisons with jason and mia, i also want to say that i think jason--who im constantly affectionately calling a revenant--is such an effective contrast for mia because the emphasis for mia! was always on living. it was always on healing. despite having a *distinctly* non-everykid origin story, mia absolutely embodies something i think was very characteristic of her generation of teen titans, or at the very least early days cassie and tim, which was this simultaneous like... they're normal kids, they're *relatable,* but they're also superheroic in determination, and resourcefulness, and they want this, and they know they can do it, so they will. and thats what its all about, man.

...actually i just ran out of steam, ill write out some thoughts on jason telling mia theyre the same later lol sorry. im toired!!!!

anyway mia is soooo good.

#dc #text #many thoughts head empty #meta #mia

10 notes · View notes