#i just want to escape these memories

[illmoraineakoi]

What if the Pale King locked himself away in the Dream Realm to recreate what he did to the Hollow Knight? After the Vessel leaked and he realized that it most likely had capability enough to suffer, but far far too late to even hope to do anything to fix it. He was beyond the point of no return, there was nothing he could do to undo the Sealing. And even if he could, there were no other options that he could think of of what to do about the Blazing Light.

He had no choice but to keep the Vessel sealed. No choice but to watch his kingdom crumble. There was nothing he could do.

Nothing, but to seal himself away in a self-imposed punishment in the exact same way he imparted onto his only (known) living child.

A weak attempt to impose the same agony onto himself as he forced onto them.

And should the people of his kingdom stop worshiping him and forget he exists, dwindling his power and life to a pathetic end?

Well...

Perhaps that might've been for the best.

#hollow knight #Pale King #Potential Headcanon #Thinkin about this soggy worm again #I don't actually think this is the case I just think it's an interesting concept #Though perhaps not entirely out of the realm of possibility from what we know of PK's character #PK locked his most shameful memory behind the Path of Pain and the Entirety of the Dream White Palace could be an extension of that #in a sort of ''No one's allowed in but also HE'S not allowing himself to leave either'' way #The Sealing was meant to be permanent and eternal so I don't think PK made a 'back door' in case things went wrong either #Back doors are weak points and a potential escape route is something you don't want when dealing with the Radiance #So even if PK WANTED to get Hollow out of there I don't think he was actually ABLE to do so #Presuming he didn't know about the Dream Nail #Which had to of been fucking AGONY for him #''Oh shit my Vessel-child is actually alive and I just put a pissed off god inside of them aND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT FUCK FUCK FUCK' #*chucks depression meds at PK* Boi get off ur ass and at least try to do smth don't just wait around till u die ffs

[blinkpen]

so, now that shit's deteriorating further, probably from even more constant stress, that i'm officially in the"i just leave my body without my say so and stop moving and don't realize this has happened full blown catatonia style" and "pockets of missing time" stage, which, by the way, is fucking scary as shit to Live in that reality, maybe my doctor can finally convince the insurance company i'm worthy of a fresh MRI/brain scan to survey just how much brain damage pre-existing schizophrenia multiplied by a long covid-caused seizure is going on at this point.

regardless if if there's anything we can really DO about it? but. yanno. it'd be nice. if nothing else, i can enrich the data for all the long term consequences of this vile cesspit of country not giving a shit about anything but money and eugenics

#sporadic warbling #i just hope it doesnt progress further or get much worse than this #its hard to convey online what my current reality really is like and i kind of do not want to anyway #i wish could fly away and never return #actually i wish my family could wake up and change for the better so i wouldnt have to want escape that would actually be my wish but #hm. crying now. #i am thankful that the spaces of time im apparently doing things around the house im basically just engaging in Normal Behavior #usually doing chores? on total autopilot? or preparing food and then just leaving it behind #i just. have no memory of it. at all #that's so scary. #and it makes me feel very vulnerable around people i do not reliably feel existentially safe around and with good reason

[malewifeph1lza]

thinking about him again

#qsmp #qsmp oc #you wake up on an island you have no memory of and everything wants to kill your egg son #wyd #(you don’t know you escaped the island with your son before and were suddenly dragged back by unknown means) #islanders think the black is from the concrete #it’s not #it’s just his skin (enderman like) #my art #I need to write down his whole deal I have so much more since the last time I drew him

[southern--downpour]

having upsetting thoughts about the “live” ending

#what would he think? would he think the audience just wants to see him suffer for as long as he's entertaining? #how do you feel being dragged away knowing you're going to loose every memory you've ever had after just getting them all back? #how do you come to terms with the fact that you *begged* to die and they refused you? #do you think h'ed fight back? or just accept his fate silently and let himself be dragged away by showfall's drones? #sorry genloss is giving me such severe brainrot #it hurts me so good #honest to god want to write stuff for this and i am not a writer #shut up virgil #genloss #like you know if chat picked live it'd be because we couldnt stand to kill him/had *some* kind of hope he could escape eventually #but he wouldnt know that #he'd just think that however many people (hundreds? thousands? he doesnt know) wanted him to suffer #i so fucking wish gl!ranboo could know just how badly chat wanted to find a way to save him #GENUINELY almost tied the poll 50/50 to find any other option than kill him or have him suffer #uwahhhhhhhh

[prototypelq]

...do you think Dante ever realised how Vergil-like he was acting around Patty? She was quite obnoxious in the anime, did he ever think 'oh no is this what being Vergil felt like?', or 'was I ever this annoying?'...

Knowing Patty did him a lot of good, do you think it, per chance, also reminded him of happier times in his and Vergil's childhood when they just played together and annoyed each other all the time?...only to, of course squash those nicer memories the moment Patty leaves, because then the reminders of what he's done come crashing down....

#i am having F e E L i n g S ok ay #seriously i just thought that dante always tried to make Patty mind her own business and that's exactly what smol Vergil wanted Dante to do #and it spiraled down from there #patty's obnoxious behavior helped him to keep Thoughts TM at bay but what if it also reminded him of his childhood #i mean her entire background is Painfully familiar to dante #i am a firm believer that protecting her helped dante heal some old wounds and he was already in an obsessively retrospective mood at the #time maybe she also provoked a resurfacing of some happier memories of his #only to get hammered by his trauma even harder later of course and to get actual hammered in attempts to escape this vicious cycle #congrats now you're sad too ) #at least it is bittersweet this time #patty propaganda #makes my brain go brrrrrrr #wonder if it'll work in reverse too! would meeting vergil and seeing dante go all 'annoying little brother' on him remind patty of her first #meeting with dante for the first time? and will vergil's 'moody' behavior remind her of dante at that time #i will Force patty into sparda family trauma and you can't stop me #patty lowell #patty adopted dante as her father figure #patty and nero are cousins #vergil is patty's classy uncle #dmc

[blueish-bird]

I read all of Part 1 after it was already released, but reading Chainsaw Man Part 2 as each chapter is being published is a new and at times difficult experience. Like, sorry, I forgot what happened again. It’s been two weeks and I keep getting distracted by Barem’s tits.

#objectifying one (1) fictional guy #sir your pecs are impeccable and your emotional state is incredibly fucked up #I want to study him #the feelings I have towards him are hard to explain. i think… I don’t like him I just like looking at him. that describes it well. #I feel no fealty towards him — he’s a Ken Doll to me #allowing myself one barem post. as a treat. #csm 151 #this time on ‘everyone loves Makima’ #and what love is. and what love isn’t. #love as control #love as rejection of change love as superimposing your reality and ‘truth’ over someone’s existence #Makima rejecting Denji as being unworthy/unfit to be Chainsaw Man 🤝 Barem disregarding Nayuta for his memory of Makima #like. haha. Fujimoto I’m trying to escape my reality what’s this doing here? #thinking about the dead wife post again. now that I’ve read this weeks chapter I can reblog the dead wife post. #csm #my csm thoughts #csm part 2 #csm barem #meposting #anyways #objectification #csm spoilers

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Mmmmmm thinking about Nine the fox walking around with his two bodyguards (Alpha Grim Sonic and Chaos Sonic) again

The fox and his most devoted halberds who are also possessive bitches

No but like but like I need you to understand

Chaos Sonic who was originally revived to take Sonic's place, to fill the hole in a frienship Nine came to believe as fake, and yet clearly held onto so dearly. Chaos Sonic, who was supposed to be the same as before, except made to be Nine's devoted best friend who would never betray him.

Alpha Grim Sonic who Nine reportedly modeled after the hedgehog he (foolishly) thought of as a friend. A robot copy of Sonic who would not talk back, who would not think, who was only made to serve and protect Nine.

Chaos Sonic, whose time spent with Nine turned programmed allegiance and care into some form of love (obsession and possessiveness)

Alpha Grim Sonic, who was not supposed to think and feel. And yet, with time spent serving Nine and opposing Shadow, he begins to feel and to think (a budding soul forming within his metal frame and existing beyond his programming). A robot created to protect and serve, whose feelings for his creator and master begin to grow over time.

When did his internal drive shift from playing the role of Nine's best friend? When did he begin to resent Sonic for what he did to Nine? When did he begin to want to see Nine happy and safe and accomplished (rather than just simply alive and able to complete his goals)? When did he begin to crave Nine's attention and to make him stop thinking about Sonic?

Wasn't he programmed to be no more than an unfeeling robot, a set of algorithms designed to allow him to fight, protect, serve, and strategize only as needed? Why does he want to hurt Shadow so much (is it really just out of the drive to protect Nine, or is it to make the hedgehog pay?)? He'd follow Nine's orders to the ends of the earth, but why does he worry about Nine when they’re separated? Why has he started to covet Nine's smiles and bouts of happiness? Why does he feel annoyance when Nine converses with Chaos Sonic like he's also not there? Why is he starting to understand why Chaos Sonic resents Sonic, beyond the fact that Chaos Sonic has always fancied replacing him? Alpha Grim Sonic has never wanted to replace the real thing, never understood why Chaos Sonic would, but he's starting to understand jealousy (in the way one begins to feel things they cannot put words to).

Chaos Sonic would tell you it's because he and Nine are best friends. Alpha Grim Sonic would tell you that it's because Nine is his master. Yet, deep down, the two have begun to want to be useful and important to Nine. They want to protect him and see his goals through past any loyalty programming. It does not matter whether such an outcome was inevitable or not (based upon their programming or the holes Nine made them fill in his life), only that they believe that they'd choose this even if Nine tried to let them go.

And Nine... Nine who creates distance between himself and the two robots almost instinctively, as if he's trying not to grow attached (ironic, given the roles he placed the two in, the holes in his life he made them fill after he believed that Sonic had backstabbed him). And yet, just as much as he insists that Alpha Grim Sonic is cold and unfeeling and programmed to serve or that Chaos Sonic is just like that (given the personality programmed into him and his similarities to Sonic) and was programmed to follow orders, he finds himself beginning to value the two as more. He should see them as tools, he tries to think of them as tools. And, yet, over time, the two become irreplaceable agents of his will. He can’t allow himself to believe they really care about them, but he wants them to know that he likes having them around, that no other robot can fill the roles he programmed them for, and no real mobian could be as effective as them (even if it's embarrassing to admit). They become...a comforting presence, especially when he's stuck in the Grim post canon, practically alone, closed off from being able to see Sonic again

Do you get me do you get me?

#sonic prime #sonic the hedgehog #miles nine prower #nine sonic prime #nine the fox #chaos sonic #alpha grim sonic #chanine #nine x alpha Grim sonic #alpha grim sonic x nine #nine x grim sonic #grim sonic x nine #chaos sonic x nine #nine x chaos sonic #crystalbondshipping #crystalbond #For now that's my on the spot Alpha Grim Sonic/Nine ship name #i just be ramblin #Gaaaaah I'm just lowkey obsessed with these relationships that only exist in my head #What's more delicious is that none of these three really know much about love (and Nine and Chaos Sonic barely have a leg up in having some #sort of understanding of best friendship) #So all three of them just have complicated feelings regarding each other. All the robots know is that they want Nine to be happy and healthy #and safe‚ all Nine knows is that he doesn’t want to see them destroyed #‚ and while Nine is coming to terms with wanting those two at his side always‚ the other two know they just want to be beside Nine as long #as they live #And by god the ways Alpha Grim Sonic and Chaos Sonic mirror and foil each other gets me‚ even down to their design differences and the way #Chaos Sonic was intended to be like Sonic‚ while Alpha Grim was intended to be without personality and feeling #Or even just the way that Chaos Sonic and Alpha Grim resent and have a thing for fighting Sonic and Shadow respectively #But just as much as there's fun in Nine embracing his devoted robots (power thruple)‚ there's inherent tragedy in those two being unable to #escape or surpass Nine's memory and feeling for Sonic the Hedgehog

[wolvertooth]

ok so im reading wolverine volume 2 to try to get some context for whatever the fucks going on in uncanny. at somepoint, sabretooth starts hunting wolverine more frequently, saying hes his father(which turns out not to be true, dont worry lol). hes been given this belief and nobody can figure out why.

after being given hallucinogenic poison, sabretooth starts to break free from the need to kill and logan starts to remember something…

at first i thought he was trying to say ‘papa’ or something, but then its revealed he was trying to say ‘partner’(uglyyyyyy panel omg)

im not sure if logan remembers them being partners at this point, but he definitely does later. but the thorazine? not ever brought up again(as far as i saw, maybe it is. its hard to find what comics come next in canon since its not contained in a single series, theyre all over the place).

anyway, he then gets xavier and jean to look into his brain, and he finds some memories that dont make sense. (shout out to this bit where creed straight up wants to take him out for a bday date)

(also shout out to whoever put this speech bubble below them LMAO)

logan then goes to the facility in weapon x where the memories were fabricated. in the animated series sabretooth goes too, but i guess he wouldnt need to in the comics since its implied he already has. i think sabretooth found out about it somehow, got captured, and given the new memory of being logans father. this makes sense since after the hallucination thing sobering him up, he drops that belief.

my theory though is that sabretooth got a lot more fucked up by weapon x than logan. i mean, im pretty sure the false memories were all given after they worked together, and they dont seem to have any other reason(outside of using trauma to activate their need to kill) than to make them all want to suddenly turn against eachother. and i think sabretooth specifically was a failsave for if logan ever escaped, to go seek out and kill him.

both big memories(the one with them being partners in suits and the one where silverfox was killed) were based around logans birthday. so thats probably the reason behind sabretooth seeking him out on his birthday every year, being mixed with the ingrained need to kill him, just based on the little amounts of context he has. BUT the reason for him angering logan? for bringing out the animal? for constantly bringing up silverfox? hes trying to get logan to remember. hes trying to help break him from the memory blocks.

and hes trying to break free from his own programming. and its clear that at somepoint, he did. and he just wants logan to be free from it too.

the memory blocks are tied to logans animal side, but even later on when his animal side is finally released by sabretooth, it didnt really do anything for his memory. because at that point logan already remembers, while sabretooth is still under control of it. though, it is mentioned that something in sabretooths brain is unlocked from wolverine stabbing a claw through it? like he became more in control. that his need to kill is now his own choice. so maybe at that point he was just trying to get him to do that(also it kinda sucks that the canon gets passed around to different authors who will just ignore or get rid of established lore, so none of it really sticks for very long and the characters motives keep changing).

its weird though how logan remembers, yet still keeps trying to fight him. he knows its all fake, but still keeps the same opinion….basically sabretooths stuck with a partner whos forced by the narrative to never like him no matter what he does, while being equally doomed by the narrative to never be able to change. no matter how many times they break the spell, as long as the plot keeps going, theyll always be reset to their basic character traits. #peak romantic tragedy.

#victor creed #sabretooth #logan howlett #wolverine #sabrevine #I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE….tldr weapon x fucked with sabretooths brain and made him want to kill logan #and its also tied to his bday based on fabricated memories #but its tragic af bc logan got to somewhat escape from his animal side(sorta) and sabretooth is forced to live with it every day #and at his worst hes just a broken record of needing to kill logan + logans bday + they used to be friends #its never revealed how he broke free from it that time. but he does later on get a psychic to help with the urge to kill. #like goddddd so many authors DONT GET HIM and fuck up his never ending arc #it’ll be like PROGRESS oh hes bad again PROGRESS nvm hes back to normal #and theres tinyyyyy moments where logan is allowed to like him then. back to hating him. #tho i feel like logans more a narrative thing than a weapon x thing

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that? #because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought #i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy #its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere #bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like #normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes #possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my #reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it #i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything #in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place #i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass #i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired #god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or #read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill #so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating #its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage #bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪 #i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn #unrelated

[puns-and-podcasts]

I’m literally the worst tma listener because I’m like okay sure jonmartin cute but like, I don’t want to make jon better I want to make him worse and I think elias should get to do it

#I’m on like 169 fire escape #Jude Perry my beloved #I’m finally finishing it after it got muddied with some painful memories #but all my friends are into it so I’m like okay okay I’ll do it I want to know how this ends #I’m ignoring tma 2 blatantly ignoring it #but yeah idk my main priority is always dasira here but like jonelias also good #yeah sorry person who got me into it was a jonelias fan and I got stuck with it #I know it’s not a healthy relationship I just want them to be evil together okay #let’s see if anyone decides to block me for this /hj #tma #jonelias #s talks

[crystalfloers]

I have so many thoughts about the Oak-Garcia family but I think they can all be summed up by the phrase “You can’t escape it.”

#cause I mean there’s Henry who is constantly shown to be holding back his memories #then sparrow who is clearly chasing after this ideal of perfect normalcy #lark who’s not necessarily running from his fate but instead running headfirst into what he thinks it should be #he’s running from any possibilities of absolving and forgiving himself for everything #and normal and hero who were born into this legacy and don’t have chance of escaping if they wanted to #just a whole lot of stuff! #normal oak #henry oak #lark oak garcia #sparrow oak garcia #dndads s2 #dndads #dungeons and daddies #hero oak #dndads 2

[godofsmallthings]

i'm really having a folklore moment rn (partially because of the show and partially because it's getting warmer)

#passed down like folk songs / the love lasts so long #lyric of her entire career tbh #it's like...you spend an entire lifetime infusing your loves into your music... #and then you write an album purposefully doing what has already been done to the rest of your work because of the nature #of art and music and interpretation #and god. i always yell about how much i love the way evermore deals in endings and hope #but folklore is just so stagnant. #'i can see us lost in the memory' #and it's just the most devastatingly truthful account of what we were all experiencing during that time #'some things you just can't speak about' but she wrote a record SAYING THEM ALL in the way she knew how #god idk #'don't want no other shade of blue but you / no other sadness in the world would do' #ugh and the duality of the double ending... #the dull haunting ache of reality vs. the hollow pull of utopic escapism #they're both the same ending it just depends how much you let yourself indulge in the fable #folklore #vi is typing...

[dutybcrne]

Thunderings are happening, my brain has funneled off into hcs mode

#//Aka; guess who am I gonna ramble on abt rn lol #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #hc; kaeya #//That's right; babes! #//Anywho; Kae is NOT a fan of thunder #//If it's not tales of the Electro Archon from his father; then it's the circumstances in which they'd parted #//The moment the storm rolled in; he was terrified esp of the sound and ran himself ragged trying to find a place to escape it #//Damn near ran himself off a cliff had a strike of lightning not made him stumble back from it #//Managed to find his way to the winery where he hid for a bit before Tunner found him and Crepus managed to persuade him to stay #//After damn near running the man winded bc he thought he was trying to chase him off or worse #//The fear lingered and festered more the longer he stayed in the Land of the Anemo Archon; out of guilt for 'deceiving' the Ragnvindrs #//For letting him stay there; for not telling them why he was here. Grew up half expecting to get Smote or smth at any time #//Esp whenever Luc dragged him into mischief or he went to the Church with them for whatever reason #//Mostly the former; but bc it was Luc asking him to clown; he didn't mind the 'potential risk' #//Even as a knight; he tended to get extremely skittish and quicker-tempered when it came to patrol during storms. Still does #//Tho at that time; thinly veiling the fact that he very much felt like a cornered animal every time he had to go and couldn't get out of i #//Esp if Luc was the one who asked him to come with; bc like before; he really didn't ever want nor like to say no to him #//The aversion got worse bc thundered the night of his Confrontation with Diluc too; absolutely increased how much he hated it #//His aversion tends to manifest in a drop in temperatures or frost formation; as well as him pausing and quickly glancing about #//As if he's half expecting a threat of some sort; really he's quickly locating things to distract himself with #//If he's with a trusted person; he'll tend to wordlessly press against their side; then either brush it off like he just wanted to #//Or mutter a quick 'thunder' and Not Elaborate whatsoever. Either they get it or they don't #//He WILL get annoyed if he's teased about it. And it will take him AWHILE before he lets the person comfort him during bc of it #//Bc from that point; he will assume it's done mockingly or bc they feel they HAVE to; and he hates that #//If they let him be or even support him more instead; he will make a passing mention abt how much he hates thunder to start cuing them in #//They just gotta show they are a Safe person--bonus is this opens up a LOT of doors when it comes to trust later #//It doesn't help that he already hates dealing with loud sounds as is; even the blasts from Klee Jumpy Dumpties set him on edge #//But the bad memories he has to thunder make it the worse by far to him

[villainsidestep]

self care is going “okay but lmao what if the farm managed a factory reset wouldn’t that be funny”

#gideon shut the hell up challenge #we genuinely haven’t stopped thinking abt this ever since we did those ‘what au would u want to explore ??’ questions from before #both in the sense of needing to see ric/chen desperately trying to trigger any sort of memory in fawn #(for the entirely selfish reason of I Love That Shit !!!!!! get through to them w the power of love !!!!!) #but also in the way of can u imagine that shit in v3 ??? fawn getting to be the farm favorite not bc they’re the best but bc they’re #just So easy to control !!!! except now it’s even worse than it ever was before !!!!! #not to mention if u do v3!au ??? one brother survived hb entirely and one brother escapes the farm alone #and the next time they see fawn they’re back to being north’s most loyal hunting dog #verse: the most loyal dog on the farm

[dhmis-autism]

if the book getting shredded wasnt a bad thing then why was there ominous music 🙄

COUNTERPOINT: if the house is so bad!! why are there so many cheery songs in it!!! if musical tone is the deciding factor in morality here then where are all the scary songs!!

youre gonna tell me youre scared of Big Day? youre scared of the We're in A Car song? Electricity? Cmaaawwwnn!!

SECOND POINT:

Whatever, yeah, okay everyone says the constant questionably real time loops and stagnation and repetition and sameness is a bad thing what! ever! I think it's a good thing!

I think that everybody has this assumption that the three of them will be sort of inextricably connected and woven into each other and their lives will continue on but better.

But man! When they get out of there- IF they ever get out (IF THERE'S EVEN ANYTHING TO GET OUT TO)- there's no way they're not going to want their own little lives!

At this point I'm looking at Red especially! There's no way they hang around each other much or at all when they eventually have their own things going on, own places to upkeep (if we go by the ideal set by the Community dream! Let's go with that!), their own little schedules to maintain? Come ONNN.

Expecting the three of them to stay together outside of an inexplicable force is like expecting childhood school friends to stay together once schools ended.

Sure, you know them, sure they were formative to your entire being as a person, but eventually you see them and suddenly, you're NOT looking at the first person to make you feel safe, you're NOT looking at someone who was the entire basis of how you understand relationships, you're NOT looking at the person whos kindness and tenderness touched your heart.

You're looking at "the girl I knew in 4th grade or something".

Really, I think I'm thinking of the best for everyone here!

#AND THE BEST FOR WHAT WE ALL WANT #which is more of the three of them in their little house doing their silly little tasks #NOT TO SAY i don't think their bond is real. or that its not meaningful. #i think its definitely both #i just also think if half of them had the option to jet they totally would. they do ALL the time. #and i want them together!! #i like them together and unreal because thats far better than real and apart #beSIIIDES. they ever manage to escape in any meaningful way with any memory retention whatsoever #then the three of them are basically gonna be triggers for each other and itll SUCCCCKK #FANTASY HOUSE FOREVER!!!! #LETS TRASH THE HOUSE ITLL RESET TOMMORROW!!! #my dhmis postings

[soldier-poet-king]

Smh the AUDACITY to make my literal Perfect Man in every single way and then [redacted] him

#KRISTA THIS IS ABOUT YOU #matty. matty. matty. MY FAVOURITE MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD #hes kind. hes charming. hes handsome. hes a tortured artist. he HAS A WILDFLOWER GARDEN #hes so friendly and cheerful but its a front bc hes SUFFERINF #hes so kind because the world hasnt been kind to him #and he thinks he can exorcize himself via his art and escape his demons #but ultimately he is always just left w himself!!! and his memories!!!! #and THEN [redacted redacted redacted] #i am so in love with him and THEN. #how could u do this to me #i will never emotionally recover from this #cant even be romantically in love with the blorbo SPECIFICALLY WRITTEN FOR ME #let alone in love IRL #i am going. to lay down and weep. and die #i say i dont want romance and marriage but maybe some days that is a lir #lie* #i am afraid and running from myself and whatever i am. but like. maybe....would like to be held. #matty i am just. this is aitor all over again #aitor and matty are two parts of the same soul #aka Mine