#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

collegeemt3 · 7 years

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Prose Journal 4

Prompt: You come home late at night, after a hard day. The message light on the answering machine is blinking. You press play and listen. Choose one of the following messages as your starting point: (through tears): Some maniac at the school cafeteria laced the tomato soup with poison this morning.

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“Nick, I know this isn’t your particular area of expertise, but Keeley needs someone to stay with her here at the hospital, and I absolutely cannot take any more time off of work. As soon as you get this please call me back. This could be your chance to prove to Keeley that you really do love her. And she wants to see you. She wants you. Please Nick. She needs you. You need her.” The machine clicks and then recites an irrelevant date and time in a mechanical voice. I look at my watch and sigh deeply. 1300 hours. I still haven’t showered. I haven’t even changed out of my uniform yet. I fumble for my phone on my belt amidst the glove pouch and my Leatherman Raptor, aka the best pair of trauma shears ever. I scroll through my contacts until I locate Holly, and then tap the call button.

“Nick, thank god you called me back. I have to be at work by four. I need you to get to the hospital as soon as possible so that I can tell you everything before I have to leave.” Her voice is rushed and sounds manic. I feel her panic through her voice.

“Holly, just pause for a moment. Take a deep breath.”

“Don’t tell me to pause, Nick! My child, your child, was poisoned! You should be freaking out just like I am!”

“Holly, you need to calm down. If you’re panicking then you’re not going to be thinking clearly like you need to be, like Keeley needs you to be. Can you do that? Can you do that for Keeley?” I hear her take a deep breath. “Thank you, Holly. Of course I’ll come to the hospital to be with Keeley, but I can’t come right now.”

An exasperated sigh from Holly, and then, “Of course you can’t come right now. What’s your excuse this time, Nick?”

“I just got home from work. I need to take a shower, change, get some food, and then I can be there.”

“How long?”

“I can be there around fourteen-thirty.”

“English, Nick, English.”

“Sorry. About two-thirty.” Another exasperated sigh.

“Okay. You better be there this time, Nick. I don’t think Keeley will make it through one more let-down…”

“I know. I’ll be there.” I end the call, and let loose another deep, lung-filling sigh. Dragging my weary body up the stairs of my townhouse, I start to loosen my uniform, preparing for extrication. First, the undoing of the belt, then the removal of my shirt from my pants, followed by unbuttoning the shirt. I let my shirt drop to the floor at the foot of my bed before I sit down to unlace my boots. I push my feet out of my boots and then slide my duty pants to the floor. I can deal with my uniform when I get back from the hospital, whenever that may be. I may have to call out of work for a couple of days. I normally try not to, but this is something that’s worth it. Way more than worth it. I trudge to the shower in my socks, underwear, and undershirt. I look in the mirror briefly, grimacing slightly at the deep purple bags under my eyes and gruff five o’clock shadow. No time to shave, though. And Holly always liked me a little bristly anyways.

I hurry through a lukewarm shower, doing my best to scrub away the grime from my calls. I throw on some clean clothes, step into a pair of sneakers, grab a jacket, and head back to my out to my car. I run through the list in my head of fast food places between here and the hospital. I’d rather have something healthier, but right now I don’t have much time. It’s already 1330, and it’s about forty-five minutes from here to the hospital that Keeley will have been taken to. I want quick, delicious, and semi-nutritious. I’m kind of craving Cook-out, but that’s not the most nutritious thing I could eat. Subway would probably be the healthiest, but it’s a little bit more out of the way than I would like. I guess I will give in to my cravings this afternoon.

I pull up to the drive-through and place my usual order: a cook-out tray of two hot dogs – ketchup only – with fried okra and chicken nuggets for sides, and a chocolate, strawberry, and banana milkshake. I pay the expected $6.67, collect my food and shake, and then head toward the highway to hospital. I wind my way through the early afternoon traffic, searching for the right exit for the hospital. I find it, clamber off the interstate, and navigate to the hospital.

Once I figure out the parking, I head into the massive building ahead of me, ready to try to figure out the maze of the hospital. I manage to locate an information desk. I approach the desk, looking at the receptionist with a tired but warm smile.

“How may I help you, sir?” she chirps.

“I’m looking for my daughter, Keeley Smith.”

“Is she a patient?”

“She was brought in early this afternoon. One of the victims of the school lunch poisoning.”

“She’ll be in the pediatric ICU then. That will be in the North wing, third floor. Give me one moment and I can look up the bed number.” She clatters away on her keyboard for a moment, then announced the bed number. “She’s in bed number forty-two.” She looks up at me expectantly for a moment, but I’m still a little confused. I’m not sure how to get there. She sees the slight confusion on my face, then continues into some directions. “Go down this hallway to your left, the right all the way at the end, which will lead to a small band of elevators. Take one up to the third floor, and the pediatric ICU will be to the right of the elevators.”

“Thank you,” I respond with a grateful smile. I follow her directions, and walk into a hospital unit with paintings of nursery rhymes on the walls, their attempt at cheering up the otherwise sterile atmosphere. I look around for a moment, orienting myself to the direction of the room numbers. I stroll down the hallway until I come to forty-two. I know slowly on the door frame, and then step into the room.

Keeley looks sleepy and pretty out of it, hooked up to machines and IVs, laying, lethargic, in a child-sized hospital bed. As she looks to see who entered the room, her eyes light up a smidgeon with recognition and delight. “Daddy!” Her voice is quiet and raspy, but I can feel her excitement. Holly’s sitting in a chair next to the bed, tired and strung-out. She looks up at me when she hears Keeley call out to me.

“Nick, you’re here. You’re actually here.” A look of disbelief crosses her face. It’s quickly chased away by fleeting admiration, though. I place my food down on a small table in the corner of the room, and approach Keeley. I bend over, give her a kiss on top of her head, and a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

“How you holdin’ up, kiddo?”

“I’m tired, Daddy.”

“I know, baby girl. It’s okay to sleep.” She shakes her head, a look of fear crossing her face. “What’s the matter?”

“I can’t sleep,” she mumbles as her bottom lip starts to quiver.

“Why not, sweetie?”

“The monsters. They come for me when I’m asleep.” A few tears start rolling down her cheeks, and I know that she’s truly terrified by whatever’s haunting her dreams.

“Tell you what. You try to go to sleep. Any monsters that try to come and take you, I’ll fight them off. I’ll make sure you stay safe. Does that sound good?” She nods her head, reaching out her small hand, stuck with a needle, to mine, seeking safety. I cup her hand in mine, looking at my beautiful little daughter in wonder, thinking about how much I’ve been missing. She falls off into a deep sleep almost immediately, her small body working hard to overcome the foreign substance in her body.

I meet Holly at the end of the bed, and she starts whispering to me. “The doctors aren’t sure if the nightmares are a side effect of the poison or the antidote they’re trying. She’s so terrified of them, though, that she’s not getting the sleep she needs, which is making it harder for her to pull through.” Her body language is closed off, suggesting that she’s trying to not let me get to close to her. But her eyes betray her. Her eyes show the longing for the fiery, passionate relationship we once had. I reach an arm around her waist, guiding her to me, and she breaks down into my shoulder. “I miss you, Nick. Keeley misses you. We need you. We want you back, but things have to change if you’re going to come back.”

“I know,” I whisper into her ear. “I want to come back. I’m tired of missing everything in my little girl’s life. I’m tired of coming home to an empty place. I’ll talk to my supervisor once we make it through this, okay. See what strings I can pull. I’m tired of working all the time. If we both go to part-time instead of one of us full-time, I think we can still make it work, and have time for a family.”

“Thank you, Nick. You need this, I need this. Keeley needs this. But right now I need to head out to work. All the information I’ve been given so far is in that folder over there.” She motions to a folder on the table next to the chair she was curled up in. “Take some time to read through everything, and call me with updates whenever you get new information.” I nod my head. I pull her fully against my body, squeezing her into a hug.

“We’ll get through this, Holly. I promise. Right now, you need to get to work. And then you need to go home and get some rest. I don’t want you coming back here until you’ve had a solid night’s sleep, a good hot meal, and a relaxing shower. I can hold down the fort here for a while.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Paramedic.” I give her one last gentle squeeze before releasing her. Once she’s left the room, I grab my food from the corner table and move it over to the table next to the chair. I scarf down my food as I read through the entire folder. As soon as I’m finished I clean up my trash, and then go and sit on the edge of Keeley’s bed, gently scooping her into my arms. I cradle her small, seven year old body against my chest, and fall asleep, perched on the edge of the bed, my little girl in my arms.

#CCW

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