#i hope all the links work eek

[abbyshands]

Good nigth darling,you're okay?can we have more nerdy!abby pleaase i beg you 🙏🙏🙏(srry for my inglish)

teach me

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

a/n; hello, my love! i’m good, and i hope you are too! of course EEK i was going to write more for her anyway, i love a nerdy girl. also this is cut off asf I’M SORRY i’m tired, maybe i’ll do a part 2 if y’all ask <3

synopsis; you’ve never been good at science, let alone college biology. when your professor all but forced you to get a tutor, who should you end up with but your nerdy girlfriend, who has a very unique way of getting you to study?

pairing; dom!abby anderson x sub!fem!reader

warnings; abby uses baby/princess, use of a strap-on, cockwarming + edging (kinda), abby refers to the strap as her dick and it’s referred to as her dick/cock, choking, spanking, degradation (ish. abby’s tone is just mean), anddd i prob missed smt so lmk <3

wc; 2.2k

p.s.; ALSO this is was ib an ellie fic i saw bro idk where tf it is 😭 searching for it tho. i js remember it was nerdy ellie. it was so good BUT LIKE WHERE IS ITTT idk i’ll link it here if i find it

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

you’ve always sucked at science. biology, chemistry, whatever the hell it was, it had never been your cup of tea.

your professor had not so kindly recommended you get a tutor. otherwise, your grades would decline (more than they already were, that is). you didn't want a tutor, let alone for it to be someone you didn't know. you were already feeling awkward enough having to have someone tutor you at all—you couldn't imagine if it was by an unfamiliar.

that's where abby came in.

abby anderson was your girlfriend, and she was a nerd. like, cliche movie nerd. if you couldn't find her in her dorm, with you, or in class, she was at the library, doing homework until she couldn't anymore. she was a coffee addict with how late she was up each evening, study sessions, unnecessarily reviewing, and, again, homework.

let's just say, abby anderson would do crazy things for an a.

you didn't necessarily want to have abby as your tutor. for some reason, it was embarrassing to you. you had already felt that way when you told her you needed one at all. it would be 10x worse if she would be the one doing it.

not only that, the focus.

how the fuck were you going to focus when you have abby fucking anderson in front of you? when your mind races with memories of her fucking you from behind, or kissing down your neck, or making you the wettest you've ever been, just by being alive?

you weren't.

but abby was persistent. you had originally said no when she first asked to tutor you, but when the guy who was supposed to tutor you didn't even show for your first session, it was no longer a request.

it was a demand.

you were sitting beside abby in her dorm, working on an assignment for your biology class that was due the following day. you had taken up to ten breaks by now, and it had only been an hour and a half or so.

abby pushed her glasses up on her face as she looked over at you, eyebrow raised. you had been dozing off, elbow on the desk and chin on your palm as your eyes began to fall shut.

"hey," abby snapped her large hand in front of your face, making your eyes open again just as quickly as it had happened. "are you listening to me?"

no.

"yeah. yeah, sorry, i just, um—dna and rna. that's what we're learning now, right?" you ask confusedly, doing your best to make it seem like you know what you’re talking about.

but the look on abby's face tells you all you need to know.

"mhm, like, ten minutes ago," abby hums a bit annoyedly, and you can't help but let out a sigh. it's bad enough you have to be here at all, but letting abby down, or worse, pissing her off, was the last thing you wanted to do. “you're never going to learn if you don't put any effort in," she sighs.

“c’mon, abs,” you whined as you set your pencil aside, putting your head down on the desk, eyes on abby. the blonde set her own pen down with a small shake of the head, expression unreadable. “i can’t do this anymore,” you said dramatically. abby rolled her eyes.

“what’s wrong now?” abby asked, but it’s not like she really wanted to know the answer. you knew how seriously abby took her own schoolwork, which may be the reason she was annoyed that you didn’t. but you just weren’t like that.

“none of this makes sense. i can’t remember a thing we go over. god, i hate biology,” you complained once more, looking away from abby.

abby sighed as she put a hand on your shoulder. as much as she wanted to be annoyed, she loved you, and she knew full well that even if you were smart, biology was your worst class.

“what can i do to help, baby? flashcards, d’you want me to quiz you? what do you need?” abby asked as she moved her hand to your back, rubbing it. you shrugged.

“i dunno. i don’t think any of that stuff is going to help me, abby. my memory’s—not that good,” you lamely huffed, but it was true. your memory was best when it came down to the things you cared for. college biology was not one of them.

“hm,” abby hummed. it took a beat, a small pause. but then, abby’s perked eyebrows told you that she had just gotten an idea, and so did the way her plump lips curled into a grin.

“i think i know what’ll do the trick.”

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

that’s how you ended up on abby’s lap, her cock buried deep inside of you as she gripped you by the bottom. abby’s way of bettering your sour memory came in the form of one of the most agonizing experiences you had ever had.

“how does dna differ from rna?” abby asks you casually, as if she isn’t filling you to the brim. you feel your face getting hot, bottom lip bitten down on as you look at her nervously.

“u- uhm. d- dna has a d- double helix model, fuck,” you whine. you must be at least a little correct, because abby bucks her hips up into you, causing the silicone dildo to move inside of you. “rna’s single, a- and involved in a different process than dna.”

“attagirl,” abby praised. it’s then that she grabbed you by the ass, hard, and forced you to ride up to the top of her dick, just before she’s slamming you back down. for only a few seconds, you gain some pleasure by moving your body like that, or abby doing it for you, that is.

but then, she’s robbing it away from you, just like that.

“a- abby, please, c’mon,” you whimper. this had been going on for a third of an hour or so. abby would ask you a question from the deck of index cards she had made for you, and you would answer. simple, right?

wrong.

because here's the thing: she wouldn’t move unless you answered her, and it had to be correct. and if not?

smack.

abby's large hand comes down on your ass as if to shut you up. really, it doesn't. you let out a moan as she then grabs your ass again, not giving a care to how sore you may be.

because she's already slapped you way too many times to count.

“don't act like this isn't for your own good," she says firmly, reprimanding you. "you got that one wrong last time. and we’re not going to stop until you’ve got that whole fucking deck memorized, you got that?” she asks, signaling to the forgotten pile of index cards on the desk behind you. you whine, body too achy for abby to deny her.

“f- fine," you whine, because who the hell would you be to say no?

“good girl," abby praises as she rubs her hands over your bottom, caressing you in a loving manner, a wide difference to the way she was addressing you mere seconds before. "now, can you tell me what a neuron is?”

doing your best to not focus on the feeling inside you, you nod, and easily answer. “a- a neuron—" you huff. "is a specialized cell.”

abby moves her hands to your hips and pushed you up, so that you're around halfway down on her cock. you let out a small shudder, but it must mean you're correct. “and what’s it do?” abby then asks.

to some degree.

but you know this one. after all, it was one of the last cards you looked at in the deck. so, you respond, “transmit.”

abby moves you up more, and this time, she brings one of her hands up to cup your tit. she plays with your nipple if only for a second, causing you to let out a low moan. but just when you think she's going to keep going, of course, she doesn't.

“transmit what?” she asks firmly as her fingers caress your rib cage, and it's all you can do not to roll your eyes.

“nerve impulses," you say a bit too fast, eager to have her hands back on you. your neediness helped you on that one. "i- it’s the basic unit of the nervous system," you add, for good measure.

"that's right, princess," abby smirked, course she did. she had always had way too much fun when she was driving you crazy during sex. this was no different.

but you're pleased to find yourself rewarded, because abby allows you to ride her again. you move up and down a little quickly, scared that your girlfriend will rob you of the feeling before it's even begun. abby begins to rub your clit as she gazes at you fucking yourself on her dick, way too needy for her touch.

"eager girl," abby cooed, rubbing her index on your clit in quick circles. "so needy for my cock, aren't you?"

"yes," you huff out fast, eyes closing shut at the feeling under you.

"too bad."

abby shoves you all the way back down her dick, so that you're all the way back down at the base. it pleasures you for only a second, before the feeling vanishes, just like that.

"abby, f- fuck," you groan annoyedly, body begging for a release you know abby won't give you unless you do what she tells you to do.

and she doesn't like your words.

abby grabs you by the neck, forcing you to look at her as you roll your eyes in the brattiest manner she's ever seen from you. "look at me. look at me when i'm talking to you," and she uses that tone you know she only uses when she's not playing games, barking your full name out at the end like the word pains her tongue.

once she's got your eyes on her, she speaks once more. "if you really want this dick, and i know you do, you're gonna take what i give you like the good girl you are. that clear?"

you keep your eyes on her, scared of what will happen if you don't, face hot as you answer. "y- yes, ma'am."

"primary use of the kidneys?" abby asks, not even giving you praise for obeying her. but you're not at all surprised by that: if there was one thing about abby, she did not like your bratty side.

this time, unlike what abby's asked you before, you can't remember the answer to this. like, at all. you fumble with it for a second, digging through your head for what it could be. but you don't get a response.

"i- i don't know," you dumbly stutter, genuinely unsure of what to say. abby isn't having it, obviously, because one mlre spank is coming down onto your ass before you know it.

"f- fuck!" you whine brokenly, head rocking back, and bottom sore from each hit abby's given you. she doesn't seem to care.

"yes, you do," she all but growls at you, and you think of your real class all too quickly, like she's your professor. "we went over this. so fucking tell me," she says, and it only makes your abdomen churn more.

and fill with butterflies.

“s- something to do with b- blood pressure, right? c- controlling it? please say yes," you were begging more to yourself than to abby, not even sure where that answer came from.

“mhm, and what else?" she coos, doing what she's done a million times before: moving you halfway up her cock.

"i- i don't know, abs. can't remember," you mutter, and really, how could you by now?

it looks like abby is feeling a little generous this time, because she helps you along. "what’s it do to your body, princess? begins with an 'r',” she asked.

even when your brain begins to fog up with all of the questions in your head, and what's happening besides that, it seems to click for you when abby says the letter 'r.' “r- regulates it? th- the fluid balance?”

“mhm," abby says with a small nod of approval, even kissing your chest this time as a reward.

"there’s my smart girl.”

and it goes on like that forever, question, answer, question, answer. sometimes, you got abby's cock easily. most times, you weren't so lucky.

your eyes are drooping, body aching and face hot as you stutter out the answer to the final card in the deck. once you do, you let out a deep, long exhale, which makes abby chuckle.

"see, pretty girl? wasn't that bad, was it?" abby coos, putting her hand up to cup your cheek. obviously, you want to say no. but after all of this, it was too risky to be bratty to abby. so you shake your head.

and you hadn’t even finished yet.

"n- no, it was—fine," you lie, and abby knows you are. but she doesn't ask about it, knowing full well how much she's done to you already.

"look on the good side.”

“you'll remember better now, won't you?"

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

reblogs are very much welcomed <3

———

#abby anderson #abby anderson fic #abby anderson fan fiction #abby anderson smut #abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson the last of us 2 #abby tlou #the last of us smut #wlw ns/fw #wlw smut #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x y/n #tlou2 smut

[lumilovessmut]

My Messy Girl

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Nanami Kento x Female Reader

Trigger warnings: Smut (18+), slight choking, daddy kink, office sex, slight exhibitionism, p in v, established relationship, name calling: love, sweetheart, slut, dear, wifey, baby, mama, few mentions of breeding, slight pervert Nanami.

A/n: Hello my lovely readers! It's your lumi 🧡 So I thought I'd give you guys something special cause my hiatus is supposed to end around May but since you readers would want something I'm making this, I hope you guys will love it too 🧡 As always striving to make better quality fanfics for you guys. It would be really helpful if u guys can join my Instagram account also. I'll leave the link below, ty 🧡🧡🧡

Word count: 0.86k

Upload date: 10th March, 2024

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Everybody knows Nanami Kento was a clean freak. But if anyone were to see Nanami right now they would be astonished. His office is a mess, the papers on his desk is in a disarray, his couch is messy, and if it were normal working hours right now, everyone would have heard your pathetic, melodious moans. But the most surprising factor of all would be, the fact that Nanami Kento, the NANAMI KENTO is so messy right now that it is both a sin and a boon to look at him. He has you, who only came to deliver his dinner because it was very late and he may stay in the office for more hours. But the moment Nanami saw you, his world blurred and only your presence was worthy of his attention. The dinner you prepared in the cute bento box didn't matter only you did.

Everything was a blur, Nanami has been eating you out for more than what seems like eternity, his tongue laps at your entrance and he fucks his saliva into your hole, like a thrifty man in the desert he keeps sucking all your juices. The bridge of his nose serves to be a good spot for grinding your clit, Nanami was in heaven. "Baby, have I ever told you- fuck that you taste like the nectar from heavens? Yeah, keep going, just one more baby, just- fuck one more please darling, make a mess! make a mess, sweetheart I'm just a mess for you down there." "Nanami pleas- I-I-I can't n-no mor-nghhh please no mor-eek! Gonna ah! Gonna cum! Nanamiiiiiii!" "Don't worry princess cum, just like that mmmmmmgh, fuck you taste heavenly, keep cumming, mmmmm." Nanami, keeps tongue fucking you till you calm down, once he comes up from between your legs, you see the most breath taking view of your life, disheveled hair, your juices running down his chiselled face.

"Wanna taste yourself baby?", he comes and kisses you, "understand why I like your cum so much? Hmm? Answer me baby?", "Yes", you could hardly answer him, he looked too ethereal for you to comprehend anything else, without much thought in mind you brush the baby hair stuck to his forehead. "Wanna be come my Messy Girl?" Nanami suddenly asked you and to say you were shocked was an understatement cause you knew he hated messes yet here he his asking you if you can be his messy girl. You nod yes cause after all who would say to no to him?

The only thought your head is filled with is Nanami and the only thing your cunt is filled with is his cum and dick, he has been fucking you practically everywhere in his office, on his desk? Check. On his office sofa? Check. On the glass window looking down the city? Check. His thick girthy cock, throbbing with veins and his pretty flushed red tip banging at your cervix was bringing you closer to heaven than even death can bring you to. "Baby imagine someone were to notice us fucking like horny teenagers? Hmm? What would they think when the most polite person, the most beautiful- fuck, the most sexy person ever on earth is getting laid down in such a dirty, dirty, pathetic way? Scream for me my love, louder I want the whole city to know who is fucking you, who owns the most prettiest slut in town. You drive me wild babyyyy, I can't seem to stop thrusting into you even if I want to, my body craves for you my soul aches for you, without you I'm nothing- oh fuck! I'm gonna cum in yeah again, yeah? You like the sound of that? Does my wifey wanna become a mama? Yeah? Fuck Oh! Feels so good c-can't stop g-gah mmm fuck can't stop, focus on me baby, focus on me on my-aaah! On my thrusts cum with me, I said cum with me- Aaahh fuck fuck FUCK!! OHH feels tooo good baby."

You cum on his cock on command, your mouth opens in a silent scream, throat raw from screaming and moaning his name, your ears are ringing and your thighs are all sticky with cum and arousal, your eyes are rolled back into your skull and your back is arched beautifully, thick cum shoots inside of you one last time for the day, he slowly removes himself from you, your legs shaking like a lone leaf on a tree in winter. "Darling, don't let my cum go waste yeah?" He says while pulling up your panties which were ruined already due to your arousal. "Nanami? I-I'm tired." "I know baby I know, don't worry I'm here just you rest while we leave for home." He kisses your head and slowly lifts you and his work bag and goes to his car making sure you are well covered. The ride home is silent and peaceful, Nanami glances at you every now and then at your sleeping face. Once he stops at the red signal, he slowly takes the hand which he was holding and kisses it while saying, "Thank you my treasure, the only mess I love is you and only you.

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Thank you guys for making it to the end of another fic :)

Hope you guys enjoyed it!

Until next time 🧡

Luv ya guys

#jjk smut #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jjk #jjk nanami #nanami kento #nanami x reader #nanami smut #jujutsu nanami #kento smut #jjk kento #female reader #fanfic

[cryonme]

— 𝐖𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐱

— Remus Lupin x fem!reader

— summary: you're used to boys wanting one thing and one thing only from you, causing you to be thrown off when Remus Lupin kisses you, just to kiss you. based off of "We'll Never Have Sex" by Leith Ross.

for @fairydxll 's 2k writing celebration! sorry it took so long, angel.

prompts: "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified." + "Please never stop smiling."

word count: 2.5k

— tw: slut shaming (ew, i know), alcohol, marijuana, cursing, mentions sex. mainly fluff ewwww ;)

— a/n: eek! i've been wanting to do a fic based off of this song for a while now, and i thought it would work so well with these prompts I simply couldn't resist!! i'm sorry its been so long since i've uploaded a fic, life has been really hectic and honestly really shitty and sitting down to write has been hard, but I'm so happy i finally finished this one. hope you all love it like I do!! xoxo Miz

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“Heard (Y/n) (Y/l/n)’s gonna be at the party tonight, she’s an easy target.”

Sirius Black didn’t even give his best friend a chance to react before he was smacking their fellow Gryffindor’s books out of his hands and straight to the ground, making them land with a dull thud that echoed through the corridors, never once turning his head to get a good look at the kid, he didn’t have to to know he was probably rat faced.

Remus didn’t say anything, but he had never been one to do so. He kept his eyes forward, piercing down the long hallway, but his anger showed in the tightness of his jaw and the white of his knuckled as his grip on his shoulder bag strap tightened, and if you looked close enough you could see the glint of a heavy sadness twinkle in his brown eyes, but only if you looked close enough, of course. 

Which Sirius had.

The darker haired boy opened his mouth to say something, anything to his best mate to get at least the ghost of a smile to graze his lips, but he quickly shut it when he saw you making a beeline for the two of them from the opposite direction, a bright smile plastered on your face.

And, suddenly, there was the light in Remus Lupin’s eyes.

“I am so ready to get absolutely plastered!” You enthused, your eyes wide with excitement as you linked arms with your two friends, looking back and forth between the two of them, patiently awaiting for excited smiles to grace their handsome features as well. But, when they both just nodded, pathetic smiles hanging loosely from their lips, your shoulders slumped.

“You’re not excited?”

“Of course we are.” Remus assured you, raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

Sirius had a terrible habit of telling you all of the nasty things they overheard about you around the school, not because he enjoyed the sad look in your eye or the occasional quiver of your bottom lip, but because he would get so angry he simply couldn’t help himself. He felt as though he would be doing you a disservice if he didn’t make you aware of how more than half of the student body felt about you. But it began to get to the point where it became useless, you already knew, why was there any point in informing you every time?

And why was there an issue? Why was it such a bad thing that you enjoyed hooking up? It wasn’t like more than half of the male student body wasn’t doing the exact same thing you were. You were just having fun, enjoying your young years and reveling in the perks of not wanting to be tied down just yet. It made the Marauders blood boil, hearing people talk about you so terribly like they weren’t doing the same thing.

“Ecstatic.” Sirius exhaled, sending you a soft smile and a wink, causing you to smile again.

The three of you continued to walk arm in arm to the common room, chatting about nothing and everything, summer plans, classes, the handsome dark eyed boy Sirius has his eye on, Lily and James, and just about everything in between until you reached the fat lady.

Sirius muttered the password and you brought your hands to your sides, breaking the chain between the three of you, causing a chill to go down Remus’ spine at the lack of your touch, the spot on his arm now felt cold.

“There they are! S’my best mates!” James came tumbling down the steps leading to the boys dormitories, a loose tie hanging from his neck and hair tousled in all different directions.

“Are you drunk already?!” Remus questioned, stifling a laugh.

James held his hands up in surrender, “Wha’s a party without a little pre party right lads??” He laughed before bringing his hand up to point to you. “You!”

“Me?”

“You! Go change and meet us in our dorm! Pre party!!”

You had barely opened your mouth to respond before James spun around on his heel and was bounding up the steps again, impressively not tripping over his own feet, with Sirius not far behind, yelling at James about how he hoped he saved some for him.

 You and Remus stood next to each other for a moment, amused looks adorning both your faces at the childish excitement from your two best friends over a Hogwarts house party, before you eventually turned to each other and giggled, both sets of cheeks flashing with heat.

“I’ll see you at the party then?” Remus asked, assuming there was no way you’d come to sit in their messy dorm hours before the party started, forced to watch Sirius and James argue over spells and the best pickup lines.

You nodded. “See you there, Moony.”

–

Remus had been right, of course, you did not join the boys in their dorm for drinks, instead deciding to take a nap before getting ready and taking your time on getting ready, before taking a couple photos with your roommates and having a couple quick drinks with them.

By the time you made it downstairs to the common room, the party was in full swing, drinks cluttered the tables, students were crammed on the couches, and the smell of smoke and firewhisky quickly invaded your lungs. You couldn’t help but smile at the atmosphere, you adored parties. There was always just a lighthearted and carefree vibe around them, you get a couple drinks in you and suddenly everyone is your best friend, your cheeks hurt from smiling, and the undeniable urge to dance all just tie together to create the perfect feeling in your chest.

And it doesn’t hurt when there’s a certain cutie you have your eye on that you can flirt with all night.

“Looking lovely as always.”

You turned your head as your eyes landed on your best friend and you smiled, trying so hard to ignore the warm feeling of butterflies in your stomach as his deep brown eyes looked into yours, a soft smile playing at his lips.

“Why thank you, Mr. Lupin.”

“Please, call me Remus.” He quipped, extending a hand out to you to assist you in walking down the remaining steps, only then had you realized you were still on the stairs.

“As you wish.” You joked back, a wink flickering across your left eye, and Remus swore if he had had just a couple more drinks his legs would have turned to jello.

Once you had made it down to even ground, a drink was being shoved into your hand by James, who’s bloodshot eyes were paired nicely with the poorly wrapped joint hanging from his lips.

“Where’s Lils?”

You smiled and took a swig from your drink, light happiness bursting through your chest at the love your best friends shared, they were better for each other than you could’ve ever imagined. 

“Should be right behind me.” You said, turning your head slightly to see if your best friend had made her way out of your room yet, but the only sight you were met with was James clammering up the steps to check on his girl.

You shook your head and giggled before turning your attention back to the taller boy, who had the same humorous expression on his face.

“Shall we?”

“We shall.”

–

“I’m telling you! Those are the exact words that came out of her mouth!” Sirius argued to the gaggle of friends, who all weren’t listening, too occupied by their fits of laughter and the joyful tears running down their faces to listen to their friend.

The black haired boy pouted and fell against the handsome Ravenclaw he had been wrapped around all night, who cooed and kissed the side of his face, although an amused glint still sparkled in his eyes.

You hadn’t even remembered what the story was, but now you couldn’t stop laughing, being egged on by the cackles of the rest of the group, and you clutched your stomach.

The party had completely died out, leaving just you and your closest friends on the common room couches, exchanging stories and cigarettes as soft music sounded from the record player in the corner.

And Remus’ hands hadn’t left your skin all night. 

They were constantly somewhere, one on your waist, your lower back, swung over your shoulder, the back of your neck, and currently, softly gripping your thigh.

You turned to look at him, a bright smile still beaming on your face before you lazily rested your head against his shoulder, prompting him to press a kiss to your hairline.

“You are so beautiful.” He whispered so softly that even you almost missed it and you felt heat rising up in your cheeks, bringing your head up to face him again, this time a softer smile on your lips.

“Please never stop smiling.” He breathed out, his face turned serious, eyes filled with devotion and warmth, quickly flickering to your lips before they went back to your eyes.

And he had you.

“I feel sick.” You announced suddenly to your friends, shooting straight up to your feet, causing Remus’ hand to fall. “M’gonna turn in.”

“Oh, love! Would you like help?” Marlene asked, leaning forward and gripping her hands around the armrest of her seat, ready to up and help you, despite the curly haired brunette sitting on the floor between her legs.

Remus caught on. “No, Marlene, you stay here. I’ll help her.” He insisted, standing up beside you, his hand ghosting around your waist.

“You’re sure?” She raised an eyebrow and Remus nodded, trying his best to ignore the knowing smirks of his fellow Marauders.

“It’s no problem.”

“Alright.” She answered hesitantly, eyes flickering over to you. “Come fetch me or Lils if you need, yeah?”

You nodded and bid your friends goodnight, snaking your fingers through Remus’ while allowing him to lead you up the stairs.

You were both giggling and tripping over your own feet as you got closer to your room, but a certain heaviness weighed on your chest when you remembered what he most likely wanted from you. Even though Remus was someone closer to your heart, he was still a boy, and it was something that all boys wanted from you, because they knew they could get it.

Sex.

You didn’t entirely mind, enjoying the no strings attached one night stand every once in a while, but it got to the point where most guys at Hogwarts wouldn’t even look in your direction unless they had a lustful intent, and sometimes, that stung.

But, you still let Remus into your room, you still locked the large oak door so you’d be left alone by your roommates, who you were positive were spending the night elsewhere, and you still looked up at Remus expectantly, breathing slightly heavy from running up the stairs and only a little dizzy.

The sandy haired blond was hard to read, his eyes didn’t leave yours as he set down his bottle of firwhisky with a thud on Lily’s dresser, and he brought one hand to grip the side of your neck, his thumb stroking your cheek bone, and the other on your hip.

Your heartbeat quickened as you rested a hand on his chest, the other holding the opposite side of his neck.

It was agonizing, the way he studied you, the way he leaned in closer only to place a chaste kiss on your jaw, earning a soft sigh from you as you fluttered your eyes close.

“Fuck.” He whispered before his lips were on yours, soft and gentle, barely parted as his grip on you barely tightened, just holding you.

And he pulled away, just like that.

“(Y/n).” He whispered.

“Yes?” You breathed out, head still spinning from the feeling of his lips on yours.

“Jus’ sayin’ your name.” He replied, his eyes scanning over every feature on your face, before pulling you in for another kiss, and you took the liberty of deepening it, leading him over to your bed before he pulled away from you, his hands gripping your shoulders. “Woah, woah. Hold on, love.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him, slightly cocking your head to the side.

“You don’t want-”

Remus felt his heart break.

You thought he just wanted to fuck you.

“Darling…”

“W- why did you kiss me, then?” You asked, confusion plastered all over your face, arms dangling at your sides as you waited for Remus to answer, and his intoxicated brain couldn’t get a response out fast enough.

“Oh god, oh god.” Your eyes widened in horror and this time it was Remus’ turn to be confused. “I completely misread the situation. Fuck!” You frantically rubbed at your eyes, smearing black eyeliner and mascara all over the delicate white sleeves of your top. “Oh god, I’m so sorry Remus. I- I thought you were flirting and-”

The brown eyed boy was completely helpless and didn’t know what else to do besides grabbing your face to kiss you once more, breaking apart only a second later to rest his forehead on yours.

“Just to kiss you.” He responded to your question.

“What?”

“I kissed you, because I wanted to kiss you, love.”

Your eyebrows raised in understanding, a look of uncertainty in your eye.

“Just to kiss me? Not to-” You gestured to the bed, but Remus cut you off.

“No.”

You could’ve cried, right in that moment, you could’ve cried. Did your best friend love you the way you loved him? Was this really happening?

“And, and if I told you I didn’t want to be touched?”

He smiled, “I’d say you look lovely.”

“And if I told you I just wanted to lay with you and cuddle?”

“Happily.” He breathed, a look on his face that said that was the only thing he’d ever want from you.

“If I said we’ll never have sex?”

Remus laughed and shook his head at you, “Darling, I wouldn’t care.”

You smiled, and sighed with relief, falling into him, and he gladly wrapped his arms around you, swaying you back and forth.

“Rem.” You said after a few moments, voice muffled by the material of his shirt.

He hummed in response.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he pulled away from you in disbelief, staring and studying your face, looking for any hint of sarcasm or humor, but there wasn’t one. But there was a tear running down your cheek, and Remus was quick to wipe it away.

“And I’m terrified.” 

He frowned as your bottom lip quivered and your eyes lowered to the floor, ashamed to look at him. But Remus brought your head up to look at him by placing his thumb and pointer finger on your chin.

“Nothing to be scared of, dove. I love you more than you could ever know. I’m with you.”

═════════════════

remus lupin taglist: @swaggieee @mystic-writings @fairydxll @agqrtz @milkiane @athenapotter @joebobisachickenfart @waszuka @moonlitmeeks @scandalous-chaos @maddisoninnit @perfectpoetryangel @lilytoyourjames @lavendersfairy @maraudershousewife @gallysonegoodlung @sadbluebarry721 @kaitieskidmore1 @icarus-star @spencersboybandhair @moonlighy @eichrnhouseproperty @h1ppieth1ngs @mirclealignr @pokey-hedgehog @stariightjoyy @rad-cool-huh @jellycolors @l0vley.lee

add yourself to my taglist

#rue’s 2k #remus lupin x reader #marauders era remus lupin #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin imagine #andrew garfield remus lupin #remus lupin fic #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin x you #marauders imagine #marauders fic rec #marauders fanfiction #marauders fanfic #marauders era #marauders #james potter imagine #remus lupin blurb #remus x y/n #remus lupin angst #remus lupin #james potter #sirius black

[mcnuggyy]

✨ Rainbow Factory TTRPG! ✨

HIII!!!! As promised here is my silly little reskin of KOB (kids on bikes/brooms)!!! :o] <3

EDIT: This post got a bit long eek!! sorry!! if you just wanna see the silly stuff I did then just check out the links! You can ignore all the other text on this post jajaja!

Mini Rule Book  ( for GMs & Players!)

PDF Version!  

Here is the document I gave all my players beforehand! This is a simplification of all the KOB rules, character creation process, and the worldbuilding for Unicopia! Please feel free to use as much or as little of it as you like for your game! It goes step by step through the character creation process and has a wide variety of examples and references. I try to be as thorough as possible but ofc I may have missed something! Please feel free to make up what i miss or shoot me a message if you're really curious jaja!

Here is a jpg of the Player Character Sheet of needed! :o]

RFTTRPG: NPC Stats & BG Characters! (For GMs!)

This is what I used while GMing! Feel free to use these as you like! I tried to keep it simple and loose for the big characters like Hev and Trixie! And even simpler for the background characters. I didn't give the BG chars any stats as I knew I wouldn't need them for the one-shot I was running but please feel free to make your own BG chars, and stats, and all of that good stuff!

I also have a rough RF building chart for exploration! Our campaign was set inside the Rainbow Factory so it felt like a good idea to make this for my players! However please feel free to set your one-shot anywhere else in Unicopia! I hope to make a map of  the districts one day to add to the mini rule book later on! :o] You can also set it at another Happiness Factory such as the Tear Factory or Heart Factory! You could even have your unicorns visit Earth! The world is your oysta! ♡ 

Overall I tried to keep everything super simple and clear for both myself and my friends! I imagine other Factories in smaller districts would be much smaller than this but this is a rough idea of what I think most of them would sort of be like!

RFFTTRPG: One-shot Ideas & More! (For GM's)

I love love loved using the KOB system and reskinning it for my silly little world! and I love when a TTRPG gives you nice sort of rules to follow while still being super free and open in other aspects! It made it  easy for me to just come up with a simple problem/plot for my players! However I know coming up with something from scratch is also super intimidating and overwhelming! So here is the idea I did, along with some others I've thought of for fun! (and might even do in future games jejeje)

Kid on the Run!  This is super Monsters Inc inspired. Have the party over at a Factory for any reason you choose. I chose a tour/ted talk hosted by the lovely Trixie! It can also be a company party, or breaking and entering, or they already work there, etc.! Have one of the portals go haywire allowing a child to enter Unicopia! It's now up to the party to not only capture the child but return them back home safe and sound to the human world! All while keeping the child secret from the rest of unicornkind! RF: Happiness Special Forces The Counsel has decided to create a special task team in charge of going down to earth! Go undercover and stop those who cause great risk to Unicornkind! This could be stopping a huge evil corporation that is creating an excess amount of unhappiness, reducing the magic of Unicopia. Or having to go in and save multiple children in danger such as a field trip gone wrong! Or making an adult human who remembered their childhood unicorn forget about them again before things get dicey! Your players will have to keep their existence as unicorns a secret, all while saving their world, and exploring Earth as characters who may be unfamiliar with humans and their ways! Unicorn Hunters & the End of Unicopia What if unicorns biggest threat finally found out where they had been hiding all this time? and not just knew but had access to a portal? It's up to the players to stop them at all costs and save their world.  A high stakes adventure full of lore, magic, and potential unexpected allies!  The Daily Life of a Field Op/Happy Tech This is more of a slice of life concept! This would work well for smaller parties of 1-4 Players! Have your Players form teams and deal with the daily troubles a helping a kid/teen/pre-teen  as a Field op or Happy Tech! (You could even have one of your Players play one of the kids themselves!) While still balancing their social lives, self needs, etc.! A look inside what it's like for Unicopias most essential workers, their interpersonal dramas, relationships, etc. Great for those who love character centric collaboritive storytelling!

ANYWAYS!!! Sorry for the ridiculously long post </3 I just wanted to cover all my bases in case someone decides they wanna play this reskin!! If you do end up playing pleaseee let me know eeek!! very very exciting!!! <3 regardless i hope you have fun looking at all this silly stuff I did to make my friends smile and laugh :o]

You can check out our one-shot over on my Patreon yahoo!

#ocs #the rainbow factory #rf:ttrpg #ttrpg #homebrew #kids on bikes reskin #i know it might seem weird to play w my world and ocs but please know you have my whole loving permission #kill trixie. kiss kay. explode the world #do whatever as long as you are having a fun and silly time amen

[pumpkin-spike18]

✨Weekly Progress #46-50✨

I can't keep putting this off else it'll be 2024 before I write my updates. 😓

Sketched 14.5 SYVNH CGs

Revised BWOBK script (2nd draft)

Lined 4 SYVNH BGs

Eek, when you consolidate it like that, it really seems like I didn't do much, huh... B-But, allow me to present my case! And show some proof too!!

The .5 CG comes from me realizing I can cut a corner and just use a sprite for + new BG for storytelling purpose.

Wait, I said 14.5 CGs! There's only 7.5 here, where's the others?

This time, I think I zoomed in enough that you can't tell much of what's going on.

...Huh? There should be a total of 14.5 CGs, I think there's only 13.5 here...?

...

Well, future pumpkin will deal with that in about a month when programming starts!!

And here's four... Okay, since I don't know what happened to that last CG, have a bonus preview of the other 3 BGs I lined this week...! Totally not due to me opening and setting everything up then feeling sad I'd have to redo it to only show four. I've also started using the help of CSP models for some items in BGs. It's been a real life saver.

And for folks who played my other games, perhaps you recognize the figurines in this BG? :)

Additional to that, I've been alternating to also work on writing for our WinterJam VN project. I don't really know how to properly show that off so here's the script's outline + wordcount...?

I'm pretty excited to help put together and bring what I've written to life!! I mean, look at all the pretty art @akuakourin has made already!!

(I hope tumblr doesn't eat those twitter posts links...)

Alright, that's it for now! I'll work hard in the remaining two... (uh, 1.5) weeks of 2023 so I can bring some great stories for everyone to enjoy in 2024!

#devlog #visual novel #vnlink #indiedev #bwobk #syvnh

[bcacstuff]

Oh this crazy fandom...eek. Susie who? Now the new story is that Sam is in NYC- Soho is rumoured. And so is CM- Cinderella. Then mysteriously around the time she posts a photo with a restaurant tagged, SH is seen at a restaurant on the same street by a new Tumblr blogger. Wow! What are the chances? The blogger mentions the street names but no restaurant name when questioned. Claims he was alone and there for about an hour, but no photos. Blogger even described his meal and his clothes - obviously some we know he has worn on this trip, no big stretch there. I am sure P will say they met there for a romantic hookup. But what happened to SE ...and remember KK in LV and LA? Wasn't he supposed to have been there with her for her birthday?🤪 If he gets as many women as P claims he does, as quickly and often as she claims, he must be some charmer. Logic and his patterns tell me he does date - some casually a few times, others a lot longer. Maybe some longer than we know or have proof. But if he goes through women as fast as she claims, I am not sure any woman paying attention would go near him. Wonder how many more women he will be linked to before he heads home? And did we ever see any proof that SH even knows Cinderella, much less dated her? She also seems much too fake and bougie for SH. Not like most women he has been linked to. It's curious, I haven't been in this fandom as long as many others, but it seems to me that since the Hawaii thing during lockdown ended he has been linked to lots of women by innuendo- but I have only seen what I would call proof of him dating two women. Two in the last three years. That doesn't seem so strange. Did I miss some real proof of others? Sure have seen a whole lot of innuendo and rumor, but not real proof. And he has somehow fit in all those women (or his secret wife and kids) into his work schedule. He works all the time. Rarely sits still. When does he have time for all these dates? And he has to remember to keep them all separate and from crossing paths or learning about each other? Nah...not logical to me.

Also, do you think maybe he's staying in the States a little while longer hoping for the strike to end so he can meet and make some connections for work? I would have guessed he would have traveled somewhere for the holiday some claim he said he was going on after the gin promo. I mean, he could just be enjoying NYC. He says he loves the city.

I recall an interview some time ago (don't ask me which one pls.) he was bantering, he's just like Santa, he comes once a year.... 🙈

I've often said, he likes the chase but not the prey so much...

Meanwhile we know what he was in NYC for. Or better said got confirmation, as I was sort of expecting that was the case. Of course if he can meet and make connections for work, he surely will. It doesn't look like OL will resume filming anytime soon. I don't know if there's some other stuff he needs to do for TCND perhaps 🤷‍♀️

[roosterbruiser]

1. Yes i would def share the playlist with you!! I’m an apple music user (ik ik) but will transfer it to spotify and send it when im done. Idk how spotify works, would you be able to see if i added to it as the story progresses?

2. My knee is ok just a random sprained meniscus for some reason, just a great way to cap off a week of awful luck bc who needs to catch up on massive amounts of schoolwork and work stuff anyway?

3. I also just bombed an interview for one of my dream internships bc they had tech issues on their side and i couldnt hear and there was just no rapport eek im so discouraged/embarrassed/mortified yay 💃 also i cant even talk to my friends ab it bc i got an invitation to interview and they didnt and i dont wanna rub it in.

Sorry for the humongous rant that is not really related at all to any of your writing or anything lol I appreciate you endlessly!! - 🐄/moo

🐄/moo!!!

I would love to have the link to the playlist whenever you finish it truly!! and yes, I would be able to see whatever you've added as the story progresses on Spotify!!

god I'm so sorry ab your knee!! hopefully you're on the up and up now!!

oh honey!! I'm so sorry!! but you should know that it is absolutely not your fault that they had tech issues and couldn't get it sorted out before your interview--that's totally on them!! but I totally get being discouraged by no rapport. but I hope you feel better ab it knowing that you weren't the issue!!

and noooooo, no apologies here!! I appreciate YOU, honey!!

#m answers

[robynthomsonnapierfilm]

Moth! - Christmas break & schedule moving forward

Christmas break:

Over the Christmas break, we wanted to keep up momentum with our workflow. We did so by making sure to have meetings every once in a while to keep each other up to date on any work we were doing and check in to see how the fundraiser was doing. Lilith was making updates on the script between meetings which we would then give updates on in each meeting, meaning we were able to keep up the habit of helping each other collectively.

A homeowner had replied to our location call offering up their house for us to use. The timing would have been perfect as it was empty and getting refurbished in time for when we would need it (so it would be a clean slate for set dressing) and new tenants wouldn’t be moving in until a while after our shoot dates (so it would be empty for us to use whenever we needed). We went to view it during the break and, while the kitchen had the open spaciousness I was looking for as cinematographer, it had lots of natural light which would be hard to control. The bedrooms and garden were also smaller than we wanted. So, while we aren’t entirely ruling it out as an option, we are continuing our search for a location.

Since we put the casting call out at the end of November, we’d had a lot of self-tapes sent in for us to look over during the break. Our producer, Kate, put together a slideshow of all the self-tapes, separating them into sections for each character for us to all watch through. We had a meeting to discuss who we thought would suit the characters best, and Kate got in touch with our favourites to call them back for in-person chemistry tests.

Only Lilith (writer/director) and Kate (producer) attended the in-person chemistry tests, but they were filmed so Bronte and I could have our input. Luckily, the entire group had the same opinion on the actors we felt worked best as a duo for the best friend characters, and so our next step is for Kate to contact them to confirm their roles in our film.

Schedule moving forward:

After our first tutorial with Paul (18th Jan 2023) upon returning for our final semester (FINAL??? EEK!!!) we had a meeting to plan our next steps moving forward. Dates are being arranged between groups for the final shoots, which means now that we have a date to work towards, the pressure is on to be prepared ahead of time. In the meeting, we gave ourselves tasks to complete before the next time we meet. 

We have scheduled an all-day workday as a group for the 25th with the agenda of:

Creating a production schedule

Update on filming location

I will explain a more detailed vision for the cinematography including links to film clips and a visual story board using stills from films that are as similar as possible to how I picture each scene

Organise crew and create group chats with crews outside of just the department heads

We hope this meeting will give us the chance to get lots of organisational tasks done and ensure we are all 100% happy with each other’s creative decisions before we get into the final weeks of pre-production before shooting. I am really excited for this meeting as it will feel so productive and basically be an entire day of what I love about the film making process - working together to break through creative challenges and feed into one another's creativity to ultimately create something great :)

[magpiefngrl]

Fanfics that I enjoyed in 2021

If you've followed my monthly reading recs, then you might have noticed that I've read very little fanfic, esp in the past few months. That hiatus ended in early Dec when I reached 100 reads on GR and promptly abandoned books for fic lol

With the year coming to a close and my monthly review project coming to an end, I wanted to make a list of some of the fics I loved this year/month. I might not have read a ton, but I discovered some gems.

This post isn't as detailed as I'd have liked (or as I'd initially planned), but I'm in bed with covid and can't muster the energy to dive deeper into my reading history or write long recs; I do want to get this post out, though, because it cheers me up to share the joy I received from these works with you. It will make me even happier if you find something to enjoy! (do let me know! It pleases me no end when people come back to tell me they loved something I recced.)

So, without further ado, here are some fics I adored in the past 12 months, all highly recced:

First sight by any_open_eye (wangxian, 1.2k, M) Beautiful writing. I devoured everything else this author has written.

Heart Like Neon by @lqtraintracks (drarry, 41k, E) I loved several LQT fics this year (Mad Sparks, 5,400 miles, Two Starts One Finish, Bolts) [how could I not, LQT's the bomb] but the tension in this one destroyed me.

The Pleiades Were Watching Too by @the-starryknight (drarry, 1k, M) A spectacular future tense angsty drarry. (and everything else Starry wrote for the Summer Writin' Challenge,. Go check the series out, it's a marvel of craft!)

(our friendship) up against the ropes by daltoneering (wangxian, 37k, E) One of the most memorable wangxian fics I've read, with a sex scene that lasted almost 9k and not one word felt gratuitous. What is this magic? Super hot and emotional, a reread for sure.

After the Final Rose by azurewaxwing (wangxian, 55.4k, E), Bachelor AU, absolutely brilliant. The kind of story you click on to check out the beginning and end up inhaling all ~60k in one night. This author has some awesome fics, incl this superb example of epistolary fic (plus academia): (no one else can) take me there.

A light turned on in the night by lunarriviera (Yizhan, 12k, E) Incandescent.

A Lifetime of Study by Tepre (wangxian, 15k, E). The typical "tearing your heart out of your chest and stomping on it" experience one expects from this author; thanks, @tepre. <3

in the blossom season (in the pouring rain) by varnes (wangxian, 14k, M) Single dad Lan Wangji and florist Wei Wuxian and identity porn x 3. Loved it to bits. (am so looking forward to Varnes's SNL AU live from new york; it sounds incredible)

#vanlife (all things go) by TheDameJudiWench (wangxian, 15k, E) My author crush this year. I've gone back to their work again and again. They've written some of the best Dead Doves I've read.

For Want of a Nap by nirejseki (several ships, 6k, M) Hilarious.

Byzantium: The W. B. Yeats Quintet by eldritcher A series of 5 fics featuring Snape x someone else each time. The prose is phenomenal, the pairings incredibly unusual, and the mood is totally up my alley. Outstanding.

can you feel it by lanzhancore (wangxian, 5.3k, E) Crack fic, which isn't usually my thing, but I had a ball with this author's works, esp their slutty Wei Wuxian. This one is hilarious.

why wait by novembersmith (hualian, 3.7k, E) Gorgeous.

I'll prob remember another ten outstanding fics the moment I press "post" but this is the way of things. Thank you, dear authors, for making me happy and giving me comfort when I needed it. Here's to more fantastic works in 2022 xx

#wangxian #drarry #wangxian recs #drarry recs #fic recs #2021 book recs #i hope all the links work eek

[urfavstargirl1]

The Empress, Part II

A/n: Thanks to everyone who enjoyed part 1! I appreciate the feedback y’all gave. I was really excited about writing the end of this part so y’all are in for a treat ;)

AO3 Link

Kylo Ren x Female Reader

Words: 5418

Chapters: 2/10

Chapter Summary: Y/N anxiously weighs the option of whether or not she should go to dinner with the Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. With the encouragement of her friends, she decides to go and ends up seeing a side of him she never expected to see. 

Story Summary: (tentative) As Kylo Ren steps into power as Supreme Leader, he struggles to use his power to effectively lead the Empire. Y/N is a renowned Commander eagerly working her way up the ranks. Her loyalty to the Empire is tested when the Supreme Leader suddenly takes an interest in her. When one date becomes several and she is ultimately tasked with becoming Empress and wife of the Supreme Leader, will Y/N be able to handle the that kind of power outside the commander’s uniform?

CW: angst, romance, slow burn,

“Y/n, girl, where have you been,” Balia asks as I slide into the seat next to her. “And aren’t you going to eat anything?” My empty hands are a stark contrast to the fork in hers motioning around her half-empty dinner tray.

“Dude we thought you were a goner. Everyone’s talking about your run-in with he who shall not be named,” Karmir laughs. Heat rises to my cheeks.

“What?! What are people saying,” I squeak, acutely aware of the hundreds of stares it feels like I’m receiving from patrons of the dining hall.

“A bunch of troopers on duty in Quadrant L couldn’t stop talking about the maskless Supreme Leader rushing the halls with some beautiful young woman in a commander’s uniform today,” Karmir reveals. 

“Eek!” I scream in unison with Balia. I bring my hands to my face and close my eyes.

“Commander y/n, there you are! How did things go earlier with the Supreme Leader?” The youngest commander who had complimented me at the council meeting rushed over to the table.

“Hey Neela,” is all I can muster. “Um, he just wanted to um discuss more of what I proposed in the meeting today,” I say. That’s technically true right? I feel sort of proud of how diplomatically I responded because otherwise, I would have straight-up word vomited the entire scenario to this girl I barely even know outside of duty hours. 

“Oh good! We all thought the unit was going to get chewed out with you as his initial target. What a relief,” Neela responds. Yeah, what a relief. “Well, hope you have a good rest of your dinner,” she says and skips off to her own table.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to eat anything for another year,” I groan in frustration.

“Why not,” Balia and Karmir ask in unison and laugh at one another.

“How can I eat when– when…,” I don’t even know how to regurgitate the current circumstance in which this stupid beautiful raven-haired scar-faced man has put me in.

“When what? What happened to you today y/n,” Balia asks. She and Karmir look at me expectantly. I look around to see if I recognize anyone in my immediate vicinity. Luckily there aren’t too many people seated near our table. I clock the stormtrooper guards located at each entrance. Rationally, I know no one is paying attention to us, but I can’t help but feel like all eyes are on me, waiting for me to reveal some grand secret

I lean forward and my friends mimic my gesture. In a hushed tone, I tell them all about the meeting, the Supreme Leader asking me to stay back, the library, and everything until his dreaded proposition.

“And then he… He said something to me,” I start. Saying this all out loud makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

“What did he say,” Karmir asks.

“He said he wanted me to get to know him. Like… not as the Supreme Leader but as…,” I say and look around before whispering, “Kylo Ren”. 

“WHAT,” Balia shrieks.

“He said it just like that,” Karmir whisper-screams, and I nod.

“And that’s not all. He invited me to dinner tonight. He said that if I had any mutual interest in getting to know him then I should meet him tonight but that if I’m not interested then I should not go and he’ll take that as a sign that I have no interest and only want to remain on professional terms with him.”

“Oh my stars y/n, you just got asked out by the most powerful man in the Galaxy,” Balia exclaims.

“The sexiest and scariest guy in the Galaxy,” Karmir adds.

“Shhh!” I shush Balia because I'm far too paranoid that anyone could eavesdrop on our conversation and somehow I’d get in trouble if it was reported back to… him. 

“So, you’re going right,” Balia asks.

“I don’t know!” I exclaim while throwing my hands in the air. “I only have two hours to decide because he wants to meet at 8,” I add.

“Girl, when is something like this ever going to happen again for you? When the universe knocks, you answer,” Balia says.

“Balia… I just…” I start, not really sure how to articulate why I’m not sure if I should go.

“Listen y/n, if you don’t want him, I will gladly take your leftovers,” Karmir quips.

“Karmir!”

“What? I’ve seen the Supreme Leader without a mask, that man was handcrafted by the stars themselves,” Karmir says.

“I mean… you’re not wrong…,” I comment.

“Y/n!” Both my friends squeal. 

“It’s the scar isn’t it?”

“Karmir, don't even get me started on that,” I joke and we all start laughing.

“Ugh, that crazy part is that I never would have even said something like that prior to today. I mean, I’ve never even seen him without his mask until today’s meeting,” I sigh. My friends and I look at each other, all silently wondering, what the hell am I going to do now?

“What’s wrong, y/n, why don’t you want to go,” Karmir asks.

“I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon. I just, I feel like this man is a question mark to me. Like I don’t even know him at all, even as Supreme Leader. So how do I know if I even want to go have dinner with this mystery man whom I can probably name only a handful of facts about? It’s a big ask and I just feel like this is all coming out of nowhere! I mean, what would I be getting myself into? Is this even a good idea? And what if I did decide to go? What would happen after that? Plus, I’m in his direct line of command, so if I went through with this, how would that affect my work? I don’t want to be treated differently because I’m… the kind of person the Supreme Leader has a special interest in.”

“Y/n, your fear of the unknown is showing,” Karmir teases.

“Yeah well, your annoying is showing,” I retort and stick my tongue out.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the woman the most powerful man in the galaxy has chosen to be his special guest,” Balia coos.

“Shut up! Ugh that was so weird that he said that right? Special guest, like what is that?” I comment and laugh. 

“All jokes aside, Karmir is right, y/n. I mean all the points you made are valid, but only acknowledge the possibility that something bad could happen from this. Have you considered the possibility that something good could happen from this?” Balia suggests.

I hesitate, “Like what?”

“You seemed really excited about the library he showed you. Maybe there are other things in the Galaxy that speak to your heart that only he can show you,” Balia says. I hadn’t thought about it like that.

“Plus, it didn’t seem like it took him very long to recognize the superstar that you are y/n. That's a record for most guys in this galaxy if we’re being honest,” Karmir adds, and I laugh. “Remember that buff but absolutely dense guy in maintenance who practically strung you along for–,”

“Aht aht aht, we do not relive the past Karmir, you know that stuff stays back there. Or need I remind you of that shady droid dealer back on Planet–,”

“Aht, I got it, message received, future misses Supreme Leader!”

“Agh! Karmir you better shut up right now or I’ll–” I retort with a finger pointed at him.

“Y/n is that you,” a nasally voice asks incredulously. “Wow, I almost didn’t recognize you there. After today’s meeting, we all thought surely the Supreme Leader would’ve absolutely ripped you to shreds by now.”

“Locke,” I mutter as I turn to face the golden-haired boy with bright blue eyes.

“It’s your lucky day. Here I am in the flesh, safe from an interaction with the Supreme Leader, which is more than I can say for most people,” I tease.

“Y/n!” he whines. “That was one time! And I told you that in confidence,” he whispers the second sentence. “Wait, the Supreme Leader didn’t chew you out?”

“Nope, he practically praised me for my work today,” I gleam.

“You’re lying,” he digs.

“I am not! You know, sometimes people have ideas that the Supreme Leader actually likes. I know we’re few and far between but take it as a lesson, Locke. There’s a lot you can learn from us,” I say with a shit-eating grin.

“Ugh, you got lucky one time, y/n, don’t let it get to your head. Besides, when I become Supreme Leader, you’re never going to pull a stunt like that ever again,” Locke declares.

“You as the Supreme Leader? In your dreams Locke,” I insult before Locke brings his cheek close to mine and I instinctively jerk my head to the side.

“Lucky for you, I see you in those dreams with me, as my queen ruling by my side,” he smirks.

“Locke, I haven't had my dinner yet so you should be thanking the stars right now that I'm not projectile vomiting at you because the image of you as Supreme Leader and me as your betrothed is absolutely repulsive,” I bite.

“Just you wait, y/n. I’ll make you see, one day,” he says before sauntering away.

“That guy was… something,” Balia comments.

“I know… I thought he was over that by now,” I groan.

“Oh my gosh is that the guy who kept hitting on you in Jedi training,” Karmir asks.

“Yes. We’ve known each other for a while. We’ve practically had parallel careers paths working alongside one another but I’ve only ever seen him in a professional way and anything more than that is just him being a personal nuisance. I don’t understand him though. He says stuff like that and it makes me think he still has feelings but he’s always so weird and creepy about it. I’ve told him I’m not interested so many times but he won’t give up. I try to be professional with him and not get on his bad side, but he’s just… something else.”

“Well forget about him, y/n it’s obvious he’s just jealous,” Balia says comforting me. 

“You know what’s a great way to forget about him? Go out with the real Supreme Leader,” Karmir says with a wink. Ughhhh I know it’s bad when my friends are making way more sense than I am.

“True, you got me there. But still, all I did today was do my job and now it’s making everyone act weird.”

“Y/n, c’mon, Whether you like it or not, the spotlights on you now. And no matter how much you wish it wasn’t, there’s nothing you can do to change it now,” Balia says.

“Yeah, I guess I can’t. I just don’t know what to do about it now. I don’t know what to do about my coworkers, and least of all, I don’t know what to do about the Supreme Leader.”

“Well, not going surely isn’t going to do anything to make your problems go away. I say you go and hear him out. It’s only one meal. After that, you can decide where to go from there. I think too many hypotheticals are clouding your judgment right now. You don’t know the answer to any of the questions that are making you anxious till you go and see for yourself. And he deserves to know how you’re feeling through all this too. It sounds like he’ll respect whatever it is you have to say and any decision you’ll make thereafter.”

“Balia, you’re a genius,” I exclaim and pull in her for a tight hug. “Okay, I think I’m going to go!”

“Not like that you’re not! Why are you still in your uniform anyway? It’s after hours, y/n,” Balia asks.

“I… might’ve stayed in the library the whole time thinking about things. Once I saw it was dinner time I rushed over here to tell you guys everything,” I explain and Balia raises her eyebrows.

“Oh ok yeah, you definitely made your decision before you even came here,” she quips.

“What? I… No, I needed to come here and tell you guys. I needed to talk things out and hear your input too.”

“Well, the choice is obvious now, isn’t it?” Karmir chimes in and Balia checks her watch. 

“We need to get going now if we want to make it in time. C’mon Karmir, we’ve got work to do.”

— — — 

“I’ve never been to the F Deck before. I don’t even know where it is, “ I jitter.

“Oh, I’ve guarded the F Deck a few times. I’ll show you the way,” Karmir smirks.

“Does my hair look okay,” I ask.

“For the millionth time, y/n, yes you look stunning. I don’t think the Supreme Leader has ever seen a star shine this bright,” Balia compliments. My cheeks heat up which fortunately go unnoticed as we navigate the maze of halls in this quadrant.

“Oh my gosh, what do I sound like? Why am I getting this worked up? This is so stupid. Maybe I should just–,” I cry out while we turn a corner. I see a pair of stormtroopers at the end of the hall, guarding the entrance to the F Deck, and I freeze.

“No, I can’t do this,” I cry out. Karmir and Balia turn to look at me.

“Y/n, yes you can. Everything’s going to be okay,” Balia comforts. I crane my neck to see the stormtroopers still there. Oh stars, they can see all this happening in real-time.

“This is so embarrassing,” I wail as I bring my hands to my face.

“No! No ruining my masterpiece. You promised, y/n,” Balia complains, referring to the light makeup she applied. A light tint to enhance my glowing skin, blush tinted cheeks, manicured eyebrows, coated lashes, and softly glossed lips.

“Sorry, Balia. I just feel ridiculous. Why did I do all this? He knows what I look like normally in my uniform and bare face. This is too much.”

“Well, it’s too late to change, and besides, it looks perfect. You’ve got a light touch of makeup, your dark brown waves are flowing, and you’re wearing a nice yet casual enough ensemble to match the occasion,” Balia states.

“Y/n, just take some deep breaths, okay? In. Out. In. Out,” Karmir says. I follow his instructions. Oh, what am I getting myself into?

“Remember, it’s one meal. One meal with one guy. It’s not the end of the world,” Balia assures. Easy for her to say.

“C’mon, we’ll walk you as far as we can,” Karmir says. He offers an arm out for me. Balia, on the other side of me, does the same. Arm in arm we walk down the longest hallway in the entire ship. As we approach the troopers, one extends his arm out.

“Stop. We were only instructed that she would enter,” he says.

“I know. I just wanted my friends,” I say and look at each of them, “to be there with me along the way.” We pull each other in an embrace.

“You’ve got this y/n,” Karmir whispers.

“Everything’s going to be okay. I know this might sound weird to say, but I want you to have fun, okay,” Balia says. We let go and they smile at me, mentally cheering me on. Have fun? How can any of this possibly be fun? I guess if we were normal people having a normal casual dinner, this could be fun, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that none of this is normal.

I take a step forward and the guards move to make room for me. I walk toward the staircase and take the first step. I turn around and see Karmir and Balia standing, waiting for me to go in. I mouth “I love you” to them and they mouth it back.

I continue my ascent up the stairs, counting each step as I climb to keep my brain on something other than my absurdly loud heart beating 1,000 beats per minute. Once I reach the top, my breath is caught at the view before me. In front of me is the railing along the ship and the cosmos surrounding it all. Few rooms aboard the ship have window access and I’ve always been jealous of people who lived in those rooms. I walk forward and lean against the railing. I look around at the clusters of stars around me. There are a few planets on the horizon, but they are too small and far away to distinguish. There is only open space to the left of me. Once I finish gazing at the stars, I turn toward my left and see him. He is looking down, tapping his gloved fingers along the table, like he did at the meeting earlier today. I turn and make my way over to him. When he hears my footsteps, he perks his head upward. His eyes widen, engulfing my presence. He rises from his chair.

As I make my way over, I take in my surroundings. The table laid out for us is a bit smaller than I imagined. It seats four, and only two chairs are placed. Silverware and plates adorn the table but the food has not been served yet. The lack of accouterment takes away from the romance of the scene before me which leaves me partially relieved yet partially disappointed. 

He makes his way over to me before standing by my chair. I look around. No one else is on the F deck, it is just the two of us.

“Hi,” I squeak, frozen in his presence.

“Hello,” he utters before taking me in. “You look positively radiant,” he says with a small, warm smile. Oh stars, what is happening? What is happening right now? He holds a gloved hand out, palm facing up. At first, I freeze, unsure of what I’m supposed to do until I see his line of sight move from my right hand to my eyes. Oh. I place my right hand in his outstretched hand. He brings my hand toward him and places a delicate kiss on my bare skin. Is the room spinning right now?

“Th–thank you,” I say with a gulp. Have fun. One meal. One guy.

“Please take a seat,” he says and offers the chair in front of me. He seats me and returns to his own seat. He looks at me and his gaze is inscrutable.

“I’m pleased you could make it… y/n,” he says and I perk up at his use of my name, without my title.

“Is it okay if I–” he says but I interrupt because I already know what he is going to ask.

“Yes, you can. I was caught off guard, Supreme Leader,” I respond.

“Between you and me, I would prefer it if you called me by my name as well,” he says.

“Yes, my apologies. Force of habit I suppose… Kylo,” I say and without thinking, bring my finger up to touch my lips after saying his name. 

I struggle to come up with the right words to say next, but my thoughts are interrupted when Kylo motions with his hand and a servant practically pops out of thin air with our food. My body is rigid as the server arranges our plates and drinks. I look to Kylo to anchor my thoughts, my vision, on something. The starlight casts a glow on his face. The light highlights the planes of his cheeks and forehead and enhances the shadows of his eyes and chin. Is Kylo the type of person people would describe as tall, dark, and handsome? I thought that phrase was mainly used to describe men of darker skin and hair tones, but something about Kylo’s dark hair and dark… energy I suppose seems to fit the bill. Such a brooding man if there ever was one. 

He nods slightly at the server and they leave just as they arrived. My stomach vibrates at the smell of the food. I can’t wait to eat. I realize I haven’t eaten since the morning. How have I not fainted by now? I guess adrenaline and anxiety are enough to feed on for hours in a situation like this.

“Kylo, this is delicious. Much better than the dining hall food reserved for lower units,” I comment and then instantly swallow my tongue. Critiquing him feels wrong, even more so now than other times when I had. How have there been multiple times where I critiqued the Supreme Leader? But wait, isn’t this a dinner with Kylo? So should any of that even matter? Ugh this is all so confusing!

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he says with a meager smile. Have fun. One meal. One guy.

We end up eating in silence for several minutes. I struggle to find things to make conversation because every topic I can think of seems too trivial for someone like him. As for Kylo, I don’t know why he’s being so quiet, he asked me to be here.

“Kylo, can I tell you something,” I blurt out.

“Yes, y/n, what is it?”

“I was a bit nervous about coming here tonight. If it weren’t for my friends, I might not have even come at all.”

“Oh,” he says, concern filled in his eyes.

“I’m still not sure if I made the right decision or not because I have a lot of concerns, but I want to tell you that I think I do want to get to know you, but I have some conditions,” I assert.

“Oh, okay. What is on your mind, y/n,” Kylo probed.

“Well, for one, when you said you wanted me to get to know you as Kylo and not just Supreme Leader well, I think you flatter yourself too much because let me just say that I hardly know you either way. Just because you are the Supreme Leader doesn’t mean I know you. If anything, it only guarantees that I know of you. I would like to get to know you in both capacities, but there needs to be reciprocation. This isn’t just about me getting to know you, okay? I want you to want to get to know me too,” I remark.

“Yes, y/n, of course. I had hoped that my invitation for dinner would have implied a mutual interest in you but I –,”

“No, that’s where you’re wrong. Kylo, I’m not in tune with the Force like you are, so I can’t read minds like you can. It’s not enough for you to ask me to dinner on the declared intent of wanting me to get to know you. If you want to get to know me, I need to hear you say those intentions out loud.”

“Y/n, I apologize for not saying it before and for not being clear. It would be my honor to get to know you and spend time with you in both a professional and personal manner,” he confirms and heat spreads throughout my body.

“Thank you,” I meekly respond with a blush on my cheeks. I was really expecting him to fight back.

“Is there anything else you wanted to address?”

“Yes. Even though this extends personally and professionally, I think we should keep the two separate for now.”

“May I ask why?”

“I…,” I start responding before I realize that what I have to say sounds a bit pathetic even in my head.

“What is it?”

“I just… I would be absolutely gracious to have the opportunity to learn more from you, as the Supreme Leader, but I also don’t want to be treated differently in any way.”

“I understand your concern. It is not my intention to display any sort of favoritism. My treatment of others is–,”

“No. Well I mean I definitely don’t want you to treat me differently, but I also don’t want my peers or anyone else for that matter to treat me differently,” I admit. Kylo/Supreme Leader looks at me quizzically. 

“I don't quite understand.”

“Any attention from you makes people talk. Attention from you 99% of the time means that someone did something wrong. And in the 1% chance that your attention is caused by someone doing something right… well it’s enough to make people notice.”

“Y/n, I cannot help it if others give you attention. For what it is worth, that attention seems to be rightfully deserved. Your performance speaks for itself and anyone with half a brain would take notice of such a stellar being.”

His lips reach a full smile. A real smile. The kind of real smile most people have. Not just a Kylo version of a smile. A whole smile, beaming just for me. My ears feel red. My eyes are dangerously close to watering so I turn to the side and start blinking rapidly for a few seconds to make the premature tears go away.  

“I see. Um, thank you… Um my statement still stands that I want to keep things separate for now. And for the time being, I think it would be best if these rendezvous’ would remain under wraps if you know what I mean.”

As much as I’d love to shout from the rooftops that I’m having dinner with Kylo Ren, it would be far too much to have anyone more than my friends and those stupid guards knowing about this.

“Yes, I understand. The guards I stationed here were personally appointed by me and have been sworn to secrecy.”

“Normally, I do not care for secrets whatsoever, but I understand that given the circumstances, they may be necessary.”

“I would agree.”

I pause for a moment.

“I must admit, it feels as though, if you were a normal man and I was a normal woman, perhaps we wouldn’t need to worry about these things. But nothing about this is normal, so we do have to worry about these things.”

“You worry about a far greater deal than you let on y/n. But, I must say, it is your thoughtfulness that drew me to you. I hope to learn more of the thoughts you have and what worries occupy your brain. It is a shame that the Force is not with you.”  

Oh Kylo, I wonder what goes on in your brain too. What thoughts are you having at any given moment? What feelings do you have behind the emotionless mask you display at all times? Stars know any inner thought or feeling he has has a 0.01% of ever being expressed.

At this point our meals have been consumed and the plates before us grow cold. I stand up and grab Kylo’s hand. 

“C’mere for a second,” I order and he stands up, following my lead as I make our way to the railing. We both place our hands on the railing at a slight distance. 

“This view is stunning. I feel like I can see the whole galaxy right now.”

“You should see the view from Planet Zina. There are several nearby planets and stars the size of moons.”

I turn my head to look at him and falter before saying, “You rule over a beautiful realm, Kylo.” He cocks his head at me and doesn’t say anything for a while but I can see the gears turning in his mind by the look in his eyes.

I look down at his gloved hands.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” 

Karmir probably would have said something like “you just did, y/n” and I smile at the thought.

“Could I see your hands, without your gloves?” It feels like I am asking him to strip naked, but for some reason unbeknownst to me, I need to know what his hands look like. Something about their concealment by gloves leaves a burning curiosity of what they look like and what that might inform me about him.

He takes a breath, mentally weighing his options before he decides to acquiesce. He slowly and cautiously proceeds to remove each glove at a time and holds out his hands for me, palms facing up. I take one large hand in both of mine and flip it over. I hold his hand in my left one and trace over his fingers with my right one. I look up at him for a moment and see him studying my movement. I look back down at his hands and note the rugged callousness of them.

“Supreme Leader, have you ever heard of a thing called lotion,” I joke and Kylo laughs. He audibly laughs and it sounds equally foreign and magical. The sound lights up my heart and it feels like fuel I can survive on for the next week.

“Yes, young commander. It may surprise you but I have heard of the whimsical potion. Luckily my gloves conceal and remove the need for such a thing.”

“I don’t know about that. You’re looking a little ashy my guy,” I say with the casualness of a joke shared with a peer or subordinate, not the man who holds my professional future in his strong ashy hands.

“Y/n,” he scolds. I take his hands in each of mine, palms touching, fitting like pieces of a puzzle. I rub my thumbs across the backs of his hands, fighting the temptation to trace the protruding green veins.

“I know, I know.” I sigh while looking at our connected hands. We stay silent for a moment, appreciating the other’s presence.

“Kylo,” I say before looking up at him. “This is nice.”

“What? Holding hands with the Supreme Leader?” he sarcastically quips.

“I didn’t know the Supreme Leader knew what a joke was let alone be able to make one,” I gasp.

“The Supreme Leader is a man of many talents.”

“Uh huh so that’s what we're calling them now,” I joke with a smile and see one returned to me. His smile even reaches his eyes which crinkle at the ends.

“It’s nice being here… with you. I had a nice time.”

“Yes, I imagined negotiating would be one of your favorite pastimes.”

“Kylo!” I swat at his arm and in one swift movement he takes my arm and spins me around, pulling me in an embrace where my back meets his broad chest. My arms are twisted across my waist and his are crossed over mine. His hands hold each of mine at my sides. My breath catches in my throat. He leans forward and rests his chin on my left shoulder. We hold each other like that for a while. The warmth from his body feels so good. I could just melt into his touch.

“Do you still wonder if you made the right decision about coming tonight?” Kylo asks.

“Yeah I was just thinking about that, and I think maybe I shouldn’t have. You know, ashy hands are kind of a dealbreaker for me, Kylo.”

“Oh stars will you please give that up, y/n,” Kylo exclaims and it makes me giggle. I turn my head to the left and see his smiling face.

“I think I made the right decision. But, how well tonight went doesn’t change my apprehension. I think that whatever this is between us, it’s a lot for me. It’s a lot for me to handle and I just… I guess I just want to ask that you be patient with me and that we take our time exploring this.”

Kylo rubs his thumbs in small circles along the tops of my hands. He leans into my touch ever so slightly and we both look out into the cosmos ahead of us.

“Yes, y/n. I never want to make you feel uncomfortable. We can move however slow is necessary for you. I will be there with you every step of the way,” Kylo says and I feel too stunned to even speak. How did we get here? How did I end up in the arms of Kylo Ren, The Supreme Leader? What’s worse is, how did I get to a point where I never want to leave those arms ever again?

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Taglist:  @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange​ // @asherrenwrites // @hueanhdang

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[livingecho-arch]

Hey guys i reallllly hate to do this but i'm running out of choices here but my phones gonna get turned off if i don’t pay 700 USD ( that's months of missed payments eek ) . i've tried for months to find a job only to get emails saying that i’m not a good fit , they went with someone else , or completely ghosting me . i really need my phone to try to get this job and for safety reasons . the little payments ive been doing aren’t working anymore ; 

so im pushing my commissions here in hopes i can at least make a dent in it and not get my phone turned off and that bill go in go collections ;;

here is a link to my ko-fi where i do my commissions ! there are add-ons on every type of commissions , including the new lineart option , the add-ons are for fullbody , extra characters and complex backgrounds ! 

i appreciate all of you guys –– even just reblogging this would mean a lot to me !

#⚜ ・ seeker of darkness — OOC & MUN ! #vent in tags / #PSA / #( yeah i dont use my main account so it goes here ;;; ) #( also im sorry i know everyone is having a bad time since covid ) #( my hands shiver as i write this cause i feel so guilty that i couldn't handle this ) #( my family is also trying to move and we STILL havent seen the money from the selling mt late uncles house and - ) #( are startign to fear we might not see it ) #( idk if you guys remember my shitty aunt who told me i dont deserve to live here ?) #( yeah shes trying to get the money ) #( now im venting im sorry )

[bopbopstyles]

Residue

RATING: R/smut (cw: emotional and mild physical abuse mentioned) 

WORD COUNT: 8.5k eek

CATEGORIES: friends to lovers, camping!harry (?), sleeping in the same bed

NOTE: this is for the Sex Bucket List Fic Challenge from @berrynarrybanana​ - prompt was in a tent while camping with friends....and then I just kind of created this mess. check out the other fics and the amazing creators!!!!

I ENDED UP WRITING A PT.2! Read Endlessly here.

pls reblog and share with your friends 💕

“When are you going to tell Y/N?”

Harry looked down at his feet. His boots were scuffed from walking through the rocky terrain to the lake earlier when they’d gone swimming. The image of you in her bikini flashed through his mind, and he restrained from groaning--he’d known you for years, swam with you for years, and yet seeing you in that bikini still did things to him, no matter how much he tried to tell himself you didn’t feel the same way about him. “She doesn’t feel the same way.”

Mitch let out a heavy sigh and stood up. “You can be so fucking daft sometimes, you know.”

“Y/N tells me all the time.”

“Well, she’s right,” he replied. “Tell her how you feel, Harry. She feels the same way.”

Harry looked up and met his friend’s eyes. “How do you know?”

“I can see it in how she looks at you. You’re blind if you don’t see it too.”

Harry paused. “How…”

“It’s the same way you look at her.”

or 

Harry and Y/N go camping with their friends and the fact that they’ve been in love with each other comes out

The drive out to the country was peaceful. Harry put on a podcast about music on the way and you listened as they analyzed Beyoncé’s Lemonade, pausing it occasionally to ask Harry questions about the technical parts. With the sunshine and Harry’s commentary once the podcast episode ended, the drive to the campgrounds in West Sussex passed quickly. 

Harry had booked your camp site last weekend, their trip a last-minute decision. You, Mitch, Sarah, and Nick had all been at Harry’s for a cookout and he’d mentioned wanting to get out in nature before the tour started, and Mitch threw out going camping. Nick took some convincing, but eventually he agreed. You and Nick had managed to get the time off from work, although Nick had to head back a day earlier, and it was settled. You had all left the particulars to Harry and when he texted a link to the campground in their group chat, you had fallen in love. Wooded, no power, cooking over an open fire--it reminded you of camping with your family when you were young. 

“Excited?” You asked Harry when you pulled into the parking lot at the front office. You threw the car in park and turned off the ignition, looking over at your best friend. 

He grinned back at you, eyes gleaming. You knew he’d been looking forward to this ever since you had first talked about it--he’d been calling you every day to go over the plans and picking out their meals for the weekend. “Psyched.”

You both climbed out of your car, stretching from the drive, and you inhaled the sweet smell of English oak trees, the sound of birds chirping making you smile as widely as Harry. Nick, Sarah, and Mitch were waiting by their cars, and Nick seemed to be animatedly telling a story about who knows what. 

“Is Nick being annoying?” You asked, throwing your arm around Nick’s shoulders and ruffling his hair. 

“He’s telling the story about the Brits. Again,” Sarah said, reaching out to hug you. “Save us, please.”

“Oi, you’re being mean.” Nick said and Sarah just laughed and shook her head. 

Mitch gave you a quick hug and you smiled at him--they’d all been working a lot lately in preparation for the tour. You had barely seen him, Sarah, and Harry, and you missed their presences more than you had realized. “Let’s go see what Harry got us,” you said.

“Spoiled you lot rotten,” Harry said, sliding a pair of sunglasses onto his nose. 

“I’d hoped so,” you replied, and Harry chuckled softly before leading the group inside the office. 

“Reservation for Y/N,” Harry said to the receptionist and you looked at him in confusion. “Didn’t want anyone finding us,” he explained and you nodded immediately in understanding. After years of friendship, you were used to it, though it always tugged on your heart. You wanted, more than anything, for him to be able to be normal at some point. You knew he craved it too--anonymity. 

The receptionist clicked some buttons on her computer before pulling some folders out of a drawer and turning back to you all. “I’ve got three yurts reserved for you all--is that correct?”

Harry’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “I had requested four over the phone.”

The receptionist--Martha, according to her badge, frowned. “Oh, I’m so sorry about that. Unfortunately, though, we’re all booked up this weekend. Is there any way three could be made to work?”

That meant someone was going to have to share. Harry looked at you, and then at Nick. “Nick, you good to bunk, mate?”

Nick groaned and you rolled your eyes at him. “Fine, but if you kick me in your sleep I’ll lock you out.”

“I don’t think they have doors, Nick,” you told him.

He looked at you and grimaced. “Zip him out then.”

“How threatening,” Harry said, before looking back to the receptionist. “That’ll be fine.” She nodded and explained the rest of the check-in and check-out policies and the amenities on the site. It seemed perfect--a pub not too far from the grounds, camp fires you was most definitely going to take advantage of, and actual showers. He truly was spoiling you all. 

You walked back to the car with Harry to drive to their yurts, swinging your keys around your finger in thought. “H,” you said when you sat down in the driver’s seat.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for bunking with Nick. I know you like your own space, so I appreciate it.”

He gave you a wide smile and you couldn’t help it--it warmed every part of you. It was moments like these you struggled to remember that Harry was just your friend. Nothing more. You’d dated people, he’d dated people, and you two were just friends. But then he’d look at you like this and you wanted more. “‘Course, love.” He reached across the console and gave your hand a quick squeeze, and your heart flopped in your chest. 

You were starved for touch--it’d been months since you broke up with your asshole of an ex and you were desperate to be touched, even if it was someone holding your hand. Usually you could count on Harry for some cuddles and tight hugs, but he’d been so busy practicing for tour that you hadn’t seen him much. Just FaceTime and the occasional meet-up at the café by your office on your lunch break and it seemed to be showing. 

You started the engine and prayed to the Gods that they would help you get through this weekend in one piece. 

The yurts were in a quiet part of the campground, secluded and in a thicket of trees. All you could hear was the sound of wind whistling through the leaves and the chirping of birds. After living in London for the past two years and barely leaving, it was a relief to be able to hear nothing but nature. 

Nick let out a whoop when he opened the door to his car. “God, this is gorgeous, isn’t it?” Sarah and Mitch pulled up a second later and you all wandered around the campground, deciding where you would put your chairs (around the campfire, obviously) and what you wanted to eat for dinner. Then, you started to unpack. You claimed the tent closer to the woods, wanting not to be awoken in the middle of the night if cars drove by and to get away from the group if you went to bed early, something that you had a tendency towards when Nick and Harry were together. 

The sound of the yurt being zipped open caused you to look up from where you were checking to see if there were bed bugs. After getting them when you were 13 on a family trip, you always checked. “This going to be okay for you?” Harry stood hunched over, his head poking into your yurt. His shirt was unbuttoned, the beige linen flowing in the soft breeze, and his hair flopped into his face. His green eyes were gleaming, a look he only got on break or on holiday, and it was your favorite look on him. He looked just unperturbed and blissfully happy. 

“Come in, silly,” you said, turning around and flopping down onto the bed. “It’s perfect, H.”

Harry grinned and dropped down next to you. “Comfy, eh?”

“Very.”

“I should plan every holiday at this rate.”

You whacked him with the pillow. The last holiday you had planned and the hotel had ended up being bad and their reservation for their yacht trip fully did not exist when they showed up. It was a disaster and Harry had yet to let you live it down. “Now you’re just fishing for compliments.”

“What? I like planning!”

“And you like being complimented.”

Harry huffed and you just smiled at him. After knowing one another for years, not only did you know everything important about Harry, you also knew how to push his buttons. Calling him out for what you had longed believed to be some kind of praise kink (you’d asked him about if while drunk and he’d looked so confused and embarrassed you dropped it) was the number one way to get him riled up. 

“How’s your tent with Grimmy?”

“He’s already asleep.”

“It’s noon.”

“Apparently he didn’t sleep last night.”

You laughed because it was classic Nick. It happened on almost every holiday you went on together, of which there had been a few. He’d get to wherever you were staying and immediately fall asleep for usually the rest of the day. You all usually just left him where he was and went about your business, but he also usually had his own room. “Were you able to put your stuff down at least?”

Harry shrugged. “Just dropped my suitcase on the ground and left him. I’ll wake him up eventually.” He turned his head and looked at you, his head so close that if you turned your head up ever so slightly, you could probably kiss him. 

“Fancy a swim?” You asked him, sitting up suddenly and trying to push the thought away. 

“Fuck yes,” he replied. “Let me change into my suit.”

The sun was out in full force when you jumped into the lake, your towels and clothes abandoned on the edge of the water. You were lying on your back, eyes closed, basking in the feeling of sun on your skin. Mitch and Sarah were swimming around--you could hear them chattering about how Sarah wanted a dog and Mitch wasn’t into the idea--but you didn’t know where Harry was. You couldn’t hear him. Maybe he’d swam a little further away?

You pushed the thoughts from your mind and focused on not thinking about anything, which somehow took a significant amount of effort. Work kept trying to drift into your head--had the office finished the pitch that you had left for them on Thursday? It was a big account and you had put your all into it, but you hadn’t finished the final touches on Thursday before you had to leave the office, so you left it for your coworkers to wrap up on your behalf. Hopefully they didn’t half-ass it. 

Suddenly, fingers wrapped around your waist and you were being flipped onto your stomach, water immediately filling your nose and mouth. You snapped up, water flicking from the ends of your hair, and blinked the droplets away so you could see who had done it. 

Harry. 

“You bastard!” You screeched, shoving him. His skin was slick from the sunscreen and water, and you tried not to focus on the feeling of his arm muscles under your palms. “I could’ve drowned!”

“You were a competitive swimmer, Y/N,” he reminded you, chuckling. “You weren’t going to drown.”

You sputtered, slicking your hair back, and then gave him a death stare. “Still. You’re an ass.”

“That’s not news,” Sarah piped up from where she and Mitch were treading water and laughing at what had just happened. 

“This is true.” You gave Harry another look before shoving a wave of water in his direction, splashing water into his face. 

Harry gasped, wiping water from his face, his hair, which had grown longer in the past few weeks while he’d been on break, sticking to his forehead. He looked like a little kid, despite how muscular he’d become in the past year or so. You tried to not linger on it, but when he was in front of you without a shirt on, sun-kissed skin just begging to be looked it, it was quite difficult. “This is war.”

He shoved water at you, and suddenly you were splashing one another like children, both of you screeching as water got into your eyes. Your feet collided underwater, arms hitting each other as you twirled around each other in the water, trying to surprise one another. 

It was all fun and games until Harry’s hand reached out and accidentally hit you right in the boob.

“Harry!” You called out, swatting him. “You just hit me in the boob.”

“Fuck, sorry,” he said. “You okay?”

“Just sore,” you said, swimming a bit farther away from him. “Meanie.”

Harry gave you his puppy dog eyes, lashes blinking at you, plump lips sticking out ever so slightly. You hated when he did this because you always fell for it. Years of friendship and you still couldn’t hold anything against him when he did this because he just looked so goddamn gorgeous. You hated it. “Sorry?”

“Fine,” you said, “but you’re carrying me the whole way back to the campsite.”

You all ended up grilling burgers over the fire, Harry surprising you with some hidden skills over the open fire, and together the four of you drank beers as the fire glowed between them. Nick had never surfaced and Harry didn’t have it in him to wake him, so he let him be. Harry, Sarah, and Mitch had started playing music after dinner and you kept yourself entertained by requesting old One Direction songs, which made Harry stare daggers at you but amused you, Sarah, and Mitch to no end.

It was a chilly summer night and you were cuddled up in a sweatshirt of Harry’s, having forgotten yours at home, and a pair of leggings. You could feel your eyes drooping, your entire concept of time gone without the ability to check your phone. It could’ve been 9pm for all you knew. After a rendition of Landslide, you yawned and stretched your arms above your head, and decided to call it a night. 

“I’m going to turn in,” you said, standing up from the chair you’d been in for the past few hours. “Which way’s the bathrooms?” 

Sarah pointed to the right, and you nodded. You had to brush your teeth and pee before you could go to sleep, and you had no desire to traipse through the woods at night to pee in the brush, so you started off in the direction of the bathrooms, your toiletries bag tucked under your arm.

“Wait!” You turned to see Harry walking after you, his own bag tucked under his arm. “Didn’t want you to walk alone.”

You gave him a sweet smile and waited for him to catch up with you. “You ready for sleep too?”

He shrugged. “Probably be up for a little while longer, if that’s not too disruptive? Mitch and I thought we’d work on a song I’ve been thinking about. Thought I’d go ahead and brush my teeth, though.”

“I like listening to you play as I go to bed,” you said, the words leaving your mouth before you thought about them. 

Harry’s eyebrows knit together and he studied you. “Never told me that before.”

Probably because it’s embarrassing, you thought to yourself. You loved listening to his music before you went to bed, especially the voice memos he’d sent you over the years of bits of songs he was working on before they were fully mastered. They were more raw, less produced, the stripped down Harry that you loved. “You never asked.”

He filed that information away for later and you climbed the steps to the bathrooms, both heading into the same free stall. You’d stopped caring about peeing in front of one another a long time ago. You went first, listening to Harry prattle on about a book he was reading that he thought you’d like as he washed his face. When you finished up, you switched places and you started brushing your teeth, stealing his toothpaste because it tasted nicer. 

“You should just buy some for yourself,” he commented.

“But I can use yours for free.”

He didn’t reply, just let you be, and you brushed your teeth next to one another, Harry knocking his hip against yours to make you smile. 

“Glad you came,” he told you when you exited the bathrooms. 

“Me too. Needed this, I think.”

“Same. Missed you, too.” 

You studied his face, barely visible in the moonlight. His stubble was growing in, but he had a peaceful expression you rarely saw in him. You saw it in moments on tour, sometimes--when you were cuddled up on his sofa watching a film after a show, or after a morning run on a day off. But here, this was the purest form and one you wished you saw more often. You didn’t tell him, though. You’d had that conversation before--how you were worried he was overworking himself, believing that he was able to work so much after years in 1D, working with barely any breaks. You wanted his solo career to be different, but Harry had a tendency to find work even when he wasn’t touring or recording. He loved it so much that it was all he wanted to do. “Missed you too,” you replied simply, and leaned into him when he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. 

Mitch set down his guitar and looked at Harry across the fire from him.

“What?”

“When are you going to tell Y/N?”

Harry looked down at his feet. His boots were scuffed from walking through the rocky terrain to the lake earlier when they’d gone swimming. The image of you in her bikini flashed through his mind, and he restrained from groaning--he’d known you for years, swam with you for years, and yet seeing you in that bikini still did things to him, no matter how much he tried to tell himself you didn’t feel the same way about him. “She doesn’t feel the same way.”

Mitch let out a heavy sigh and stood up. “You can be so fucking daft sometimes, you know.”

“Y/N tells me all the time.”

“Well, she’s right,” he replied. “Tell her how you feel, Harry. She feels the same way.”

Harry looked up and met his friend’s eyes. “How do you know?”

“I can see it in how she looks at you. You’re blind if you don’t see it too.”

Harry paused. “How…”

“It’s the same way you look at her.”

With that, Mitch turned and went to where Sarah waited for him in their yurt, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts. It was quiet, aside from the crinkle of the fire. Harry couldn’t remember when he fell in love with Y/N--there wasn’t some specific moment like they say in the books. It just...happened. The more time he spent with you, the closer you got, the more Harry hated leaving you. And when you dated other guys, it made his stomach turn to be around them. He tried to pretend like it didn’t, he tried to be nice and polite as you were to the girls he tried to date, but he knew he never was. He hated the way you would look at him when he’d make some snide remark, and he could feel the disappointment radiating from your stare. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to let you go.

He’d tried to bury himself in work, in touring, in women. He’d lived in LA for months to try and get over you, he’d even dated Kendall fucking Jenner to try and get over you. Nothing helped. Camille had been the closest he’d gotten, but there had always been something holding him back. When he’d found out she cheated on him, it was a relief more than heartbreak--he didn’t have to be the one to break up with her this time. And he always went back to you, pretending to be more broken hearted than he was just to get you to spend days on end by his side, eating ice cream and watching films that you thought helped him. In actuality, it was you who helped him. It was being by your side, it was laughing with you, going on walks, even fucking gardening with you at his house in Hampstead. Anything with you healed him. 

And he knew it wasn’t fair, using you like he did. But he couldn’t help himself--it was the time when he could almost pretend you were his. It was when you ignored everything else and focused on only him and that attention is what he craved. You, together, no distractions. It’s what he wanted this weekend to be, but then you suggested inviting friends, and how could he say no to you? How could he tell you he just wanted to be with you for the whole weekend, the rest of the world forgotten?

Mitch’s words, though, were a stab in his heart. He’d always convinced himself that there was no way you could feel the same. You had fallen in love, you’d told him. With Tom. Bloody Tom. You’d met at some networking dinner and he’d asked you out, and from then on it was Tom, Tom, Tom. You had dated for a little over a year and Harry despised every second of it. Tom treated you like dirt--belittling you in front of your friends, in front of Harry, even, controlled your time and your friends. Boxed you in like you were some animal just there to please him, no life to speak of. It had happened while Harry was on tour and then in LA, so he hadn’t been there in person for most of it, and when he had been around you two together--whe he came home for the holidays and saw you, you had played it off. Said it was nothing, just a joke. 

But then her college roommate Jordan had called Harry, worried out of her mind about you. Told him how Tom treated you, all the things he’d done, how he’d manipulated you--hit you one time. Jordan was in New York City and work wouldn’t let her leave, but she knew Harry could go. She told him it was getting bad and he had to get you out. And so he did. He took the next flight out, barely packed a suitcase, and went. He went to your apartment and told you that Jordan had told him what happened, and you two had a massive fight over it, you defending Tom, Harry trying to convince you he had manipulated your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings, and you both ended up in tears before you finally let him take you to his house to stay for a few weeks. And together, you’d pieced his fierce Y/N back together. 

And all that time, he had never thought...He never thought you’d loved him. Not as he did, at least. You’d told him so many times that you loved him, but it was just as a friend. You’d made that clear in the ways you touched him and introduced him to people. He was your Harry, but just your friend. Your best friend, but friend all the same. It broke him, as much as he tried not to let it show. But for you to feel the same way? All this time?

And what did Mitch expect him to do? Bust into your tent and admit his undying love for you, you to admit you felt the same way, and for you to ride off into the night together? This wasn’t some romance novel (which Harrry knew Mitch read, even though he tried to hide them). This was reality, and in reality, it was just Harry, writing songs about you that you’d never understand the true meaning of, and a yurt shared with Grimmy. 

He stood up, his guitar held tightly in his hand, and put out the fire before heading into the yurt. Nick was spread eagle on the bed, still somehow asleep--Harry had never understood his ability to sleep literally all day--and snoring. Loudly. Harry sighed and went over to his suitcase, tugging off his jeans and sweatshirt and folding them neatly into the case. He pulled a henley and pajama pants on, knowing if Nick woke up to a half naked Harry in his bed he’d most definitely not let him hear the end of it, and walked over to the bed. He tried to shove Nick over and make space for himself, but the man was most definitely stronger than Harry had realized. 

Had he been working out lately?

Harry gave his arm another shove, but Nick didn’t even flinch. “Fuck you, Nick,” Harry said. “Do you have to seriously sleep like the dead?”

He looked around the room, trying to see if there was anything he could fashion a makeshift bed with. But there wasn’t even a spare fucking blanket. 

Maybe Sarah and Mitch would have one? Then he pictured walking into the couple’s yurt and immediately decided against that idea. That left you. You’d slept in the same bed before, albeit usually while drunk--maybe you’d let him sleep with you? Just for the night? 

Harry slipped on his flip flops, grabbed his flashlight and made his way over to your yurt. It was quiet except for the sound of your soft breathing and he immediately felt at peace, despite what his mind told him. He unzipped the front of your yurt and stuck his head in. It was dark and he could barely make out your figure, curled up tightly under the covers, hair strewn across the pillow. 

“Y/N?”

After a beat, he saw your body shift and your head stick up from the pillow. “Harry?”

“Can I sleep with you? Nick’s taking up the whole bed and snoring like a train.”

You giggled--and Harry’s heart started racing--and then said, “Of course. C’mere.” You lifted the edge of the blanket and Harry toed off his flip flops before walking over to the bed. “What time is it?”

He laid down next to you carefully, not wanting to brush up against you and make you uncomfortable. “Dunno. Late.”

You reached out for him, fingers brushing against his henley right over his stomach, and Harry’s heart seized. Did you know what you were doing to him right now? “Why are you lying there straight as a rod? I don’t bite, you know.” Probably not, he realized. You had no idea what the mere touch of your skin did to his heart. 

“Don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said, his voice quiet in the silence of the yurt. 

“You don’t, silly. Now c’mere.” 

He moved closer to you and you turned onto your side so that your back rested against his chest, and he wound his arm around your stomach loosely, holding you to him. You’d laid like this before, after your birthday earlier in the year when you’d gotten quite drunk and he’d brought you home so you didn’t choke in your own vomit. You’d snuggled into him then, just like you did now, and he tried to think of anything to get his dick to stop from plumping up under his pants. 

“H?”

“Yeah?”

“What was your song about?”

His breath caught in his throat. Had you heard it? It was so obviously about you, so unabashedly telling you how he felt. God, every song was about you. Even when he tried to make them less specific, when he tried to remove the details that would make it about you, you still left a residue. 

“Harry?” Your voice broke his thoughts, so sweet in his ears. He opened his eyes, which had closed while he thought, and looked into your hair. He could smell the remnants of your perfume mixed with the fresh smell of oak from the woods and the essence of smoke from the fire. He wanted to bury himself in your smell, in you. 

He should tell you. He knew he should. It was the perfect time--you were giving him the prompting. But he didn’t have the courage. “Did we wake you up?”

You rolled over and suddenly your face was mere inches from his. He could see your eyes in the dark, bright blue in the night. The ones that were painted in his dreams, echoes of you that never let him go. “Thought I heard something in the woods. Heard you instead.”

How much had you heard, he wondered. Had you heard his conversation with Mitch? You had been asleep when he had come into the yurt, so you had to have fallen back asleep. “What’d you think of it?”

You stared at him, your gaze searing through the protections he tried and struggled to keep up. “It was sad,” you said simply. 

“Hmm?” He mumbled, not really knowing what else to say to that. Of course it was sad, he was in love with his best friend and he didn’t have the balls to tell her. 

“The opening lines,” you whispered. “Put a price on emotion/I'm looking for something to buy/You've got my devotion/But man, I can hate you sometimes,” you sang it, perfectly in tune, hitting every note as he had around the campfire with Mitch. Your voice singing his words broke him in two, for some reason. They were the most honest ones of the whole song, he thought to himself, and the ones he was least likely to change. “Who is it about?”

Her question had changed. When you asked the first time, it was what. Now it was who. He studied you in the dark, searching himself. Could he muster the courage?

“Camille?”

“No,” he said, his words immediate. “No, not Camille.”

There was a rustle of the trees, but your eyes didn’t leave his. “Are you seeing someone new?”

“No.”

“Then who?”

He took a deep breath, and then, he pulled the words from the depths of his heart. “It’s about you.”

It was silent in the yurt. He couldn’t even tell if you were breathing. But your eyes didn’t leave his. He watched as your brain processed his words, pieced them together, matched them up with the song. 

“Test of my patience/There's things that we'll never know/You sunshine, you temptress/My hand's at risk, I fold.” You said the words, no song to them, just words, flowing from your lips as poetry, not lyrics. “You...Me. Things we’ll never know--that’s us?” 

He nodded, resisting the urge to reach out and brush a strand of hair behind your ear that had come loose. 

“You've got my devotion,” you whispered, the opening lines coming back around. “That’s about me?”

“Yes,” he said, the word simple, soft, quiet in the dark. But it took every ounce of his courage. It was worse than when he’d decided to go solo, it was worse than going out on stage alone for the first time, worse than stepping on the X-Factor stage. The hardest words he’d had to say. “Y/N,” he whispered, summoning the last of his courage, “the songs are all about you.”

That made you go quiet for longer. You stared at him, taking inventory of every part of his face. He could feel your eyes and he didn’t even squirm--it felt different than it did when you usually looked at him. It felt like you were seeing him for the first time. Like a veil had been lifted between them. 

And yet, you said nothing.

“Do you want me to go?” He asked, the words breaking him. “I--I can go.”

But you pressed your fingers to his chin, instead. “Don’t go,” you whispered and this time it was him who stared at you. “I--I’m scared.”

“I know.” Your eyes blinked at him, eye level, so close he could see nothing but the rim of the blue, your long eyelashes he’d always admired. “I just...I can’t pretend anymore, love.” The nickname, long used between them, suddenly took on a new meaning in this moment. He could feel the shift in the air, the way the word landed between them. It slipped from his lips without him thinking about it, but he meant it in every which way. 

You ran your forefinger along the edge of his jaw and Harry’s breath caught in his chest. “Me either.”

And then, you pulled his lips down to meet yours and it was like Harry’s world bottomed out. Your lips were soft, just like he’d imagined them, and you tasted like sugar and the watermelons they’d had for a snack after dinner. The hint of toothpaste lingered and it made him smile, remembering how you’d spoken in the bathroom. His fingers wound their way into your hair and you let out a soft moan that set Harry’s skin on fire. 

Your teeth tugged on his bottom lip and Harry rolled you onto you back with a groan, begging for more, for anything you would give him. The kiss was deep, passionate, without end. You barely pulled away to breathe, wanting to never stop touching him. Your fingers crawled up his arms, across his collarbones, fire left in their wake. 

Harry balanced above you on his forearms, head dipping to meet your lips over and over again, his fingers curled into your hair that was spread out on the pillow. Your legs tugged apart, letting him slot himself between them, leaning into you. It was like a dream he didn’t want to wake up from. 

“Y/N,” he said, pulling back from your lips just an inch so he could speak. “I--I don’t want to do anything if you don’t--”

“I want you,” you said, your hands drifting from his shoulders to cup his face between them. He leaned into your touch and you smoothed your fingers across his cheekbones. “I’ve always wanted you. H, you’re everything to me.”

His lips found yours again without a second beat, and you pulled every ounce of his heart from his chest with your lips. The sheets rustled under their bodies as they moved, begging to get more and more of each other. Your hands wound under his shirt, tugging as he leaned back, pulling it off, the chilly night air nipping at his skin. You sat up, Harry balanced precariously on your lap, and pressed kisses to his skin, licking over his swallows. 

Harry let out a moan, not being able to hold it in, but didn’t stop her as you made your way across his skin, claiming it as your own. He couldn’t hear anything but you--it was consuming, the feeling of being this close to you. Your teeth bit into the skin on his collarbones, sucking a bruise he knew would be there tomorrow, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He wanted the world to know he was yours, that he loved you with every fiber of his being, unashamedly. 

“I’m yours,” he said, his voice edging on a moan as you licked across his nipples. “Yours, Y/N, I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours,” you replied, and leaned back, tugging off his sweatshirt, which you’d worn to bed. You were bare underneath, and you could feel Harry’s eyes on your skin, learning you. Usually, you felt studied under the gaze of a man, but now, with Harry, you felt admired, adored, loved. His hands kneaded circles into your breasts and you arched into him, moans leaving your mouth in breaths. 

You felt his tongue on your nipples, just as you had done to him, and your fingers gripped into the curls of his hair. “Fuck, H.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, pressing kisses to your sternum. “So, utterly beautiful.”

You leaned back onto your hands, chest rising and falling as he made his way down your body, inching farther and farther back on the bed until he was on his stomach, lips hovering above the waistband of your sleep shorts. His eyes met yours in question, and you nodded, words failing you.

“Need to hear your words, love,” he said, kissing your bare skin just centimeters above the bow on her shorts. “Want to make sure that you’re sure.”

“Take them off,” you said, struggling to speak as he licked your skin. “Touch me, H, please.”

And he did. He tugged your shorts down your legs, underwear coming with them, and pressed kisses to the inside of your thighs, nipping love bites into the skin there. “You know, I dreamed of you last week,” he said against your skin. 

“What?” You squealed as he sucked on the sensitive skin at the crease of your thighs. 

“Of you, like this.” Then, he licked a stripe up her clit and you buried your hands in his hair, holding him there. “But in the dream, I couldn’t smell you.” He sucked on your clit, and you struggled not to scream his name. Your friends would hear and the last thing you wanted was to deal with that in the morning. “I couldn’t hear you,” he said, licking you again, and your head flailed to the side. “And I woke up before I could do this.”

And then, he dove his tongue inside of you, and you pressed a hand to your mouth, holding in the moans that begged to fly free. It was heaven, his tongue. Delving into her like it was made for you, curling inside of you and rubbing the front of your walls delicately. 

“Harry,” you said, trying to keep your voice quiet, “more, please.”

He wasted no time pressing his finger to your clit and rubbing you in circles, causing your chest to arch from the pleasure. You could feel a knot building in your belly, begging and begging for more. 

“Please, H,” you let out in a moan, and that’s when you felt his own moan against your skin, the vibration of the stubble on your skin causing you to shake against him. But his free hand anchored your hips to his lips, and he continued his work, licking in and out of you, then up and down your folds, drawing soft moans from your mouth over and over again. 

“Wanna hear you,” he said softly against your skin, “please, love, wanna hear you.”

“Don’t want to wake them,” you replied, struggling to look down at him. But when you did, the sight of his head between your thighs, hair a mess, eyes gleaming up at you in the dark, it ripped a moan from your chest that you couldn’t contain. 

“That’s it,” he said. “Don’t give a fuck about them. S’just us, yeah?” He kneaded circles into her skin with his hands and sucked harshly on her clit, your hips bucking in response, but he didn’t let go. “What d’ya want, love?”

His words were rough, broken from pleasure. You loved the way he sounded, having never had the opportunity to have him this way. “Fingers,” you said. “I’m close.”

“Yeah?” His one hand left her hips and circled your entrance, drawing your wetness around his fingers. “Fuck, love, you’re so wet.”

“H,” you breathed out, “please.”

That’s all he needed. He dipped his forefinger inside of you, your tight walls gripping him like a vice. But to him, you were virtue--you were everything to him, everything good in the world wrapped up in a single person. He curled his finger, brushing against a spot that made you squeak and he smiled before adding a second finger. “Come for me, love,” he said, sucking on your clit. “Wanna taste you.”

And that’s all it took. Your orgasm washed over you like a wave, your hands gripped in his hair, keeping his face there as he licked your clit softly, drawing shock waves from your body over and over again. You struggled to keep your eyes open, wanting to watch him as you came, and he held your eye contact as you did. When he pulled his fingers from you and sucked on them, you just stared at him, wondering if this was real. If he was real. 

“Taste sweet,” he said, crawling up your body, pushing you down onto the bed with the weight of him. You loved it, the feeling of his skin on yours, of his body on yours. “With an edge of sourness.” He pressed his lips to yours, and you licked into his mouth, tasting yourself on his tongue. You hadn’t been this turned on...ever, you realized. “Tastes good,” he said against your lips. 

You smiled, running your fingers through his hair. “Felt good too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re good at that, you know.” 

He chuckled at you and pressed a kiss to your cheeks. “Can’t wait to do it again.”

You captured his lips again, arms winding around his chest, pulling him into you, closer and closer until you couldn’t find the space between you. And then, you rolled, taking him with her, leaving him on his back and you flush to his chest. “Some other time,” you said softly, drawing back. “I want you.”

“Fuck,” he let out, gaze travelling up your body as you sat back on his hips, bare center brushing over his pajama pants. “Want you too, baby.”

You smirked at him. “Baby?”

He blushed. “Sorry, it just--”

“Shh.” You pressed a finger to his lips. “I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” You rolled your hips over his erection and he bucked up into you, not being able to stop himself, drawing groans from both of them. “Wanna hear you, H,” you whispered, tossing his words back at him. “Hmm?”

“Take ‘em off.” He bucked his hips again, and you smiled down at him. Your fingers curled around his pants and his underwear, and crawled back, pulling them off together in one motion, just as he had done to you. 

You held him in your hand, brushing your thumb over his tip, the pre-cum slick against your skin. Your tongue licked a stripe up the underside of him, drawing a moan from his chest as you laved circles around the tip of his length. 

“Y/N,” he breathed, “Not gonna last if you keep doing that,” he said. “Need--”

“I know,” you replied. You pressed another kiss to him and clamored back up his body. “Wouldn’t have happened to bring condoms, would you?”

“Fuck,” he said, “no, wasn’t exactly planning this.”

You pressed a kiss to his chest, trying to calm the panicked look in his eyes. His hands ran up and down your thighs, his touch consuming you. “I’ve got the implant,” you said, “if that’s ok with you.”

“I’ll pull out,” he said, leaning up on his elbows. “Promise.” Then your lips found each other’s and you rocked your hips against him, the slick of you dripping down onto his length. He swallowed your moans and you did the same, the dark of the night wrapping around you, encasing you in a world that was just the two of you. 

You reached down and ran your fingertips along his length, brushing his tip against your slit, the feeling sending tingles down her spine.

“Please,” he begged beneath you, fingers digging into your hips to where there would probably be marks tomorrow, “please, Y/N.”

When you slid down his length, your eyes shut from the sensation of him stretching you. You didn’t stop until he had bottomed out, you hips flush against one another. You could feel his eyes watching as you adjusted to his size, to the burn of him inside of you. It was surreal to have him like this, to have him so close to that you couldn’t find where you ended and he began. To have his lips find yours as you began to rock back and forth on him, open mouths meeting like old friends, begging for more and more and more. It was heaven, you decided, this was heaven on earth, this feeling. Your head snapped back when he bucked up into you, hitting a deep spot that made your arms shake. And then he ran his tongue down your exposed neck, nipping and biting into your skin, whispers of your name like an echo around them. 

You wanted all of him. Every single part of him, you wanted to have his laughter and his smile and his words and his thoughts and his love. You wanted his body in the morning and the night and across the distance. You wanted him to hold you in his arms always, to care always. To you, he was hope, he was a bright spot in a sea of darkness. He was the antithesis of your exes, of Tom, of the men who had used you up and left you in a bed of nails. Harry built you up, stoking your fire with actions that showed you how much he cared, never wavering from your side, always running back when you called. No matter how far he went, the residue of him never left your mind, body, or soul. 

Harry’s arms caged you in and suddenly you were on your back and he was above you and inside of you and everywhere. His fingers danced across you skin as his hips snapped into you, moans drying in your throat because you could barely think from the pleasure zipping through your body. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” he said, words darting through the fog, “I love you.” He was holding you so tightly in his arms that you wondered if he thought you would run. As if you wanted to be anywhere else but here, beneath him, close to him, breathing him in and out. 

“I love you too.” The words left you without hesitation and you pressed your lips back to his as you chased your highs together, his hips never stopping. He pulled one of your legs high on his hip, reaching a new depth inside of you, and you scrabbled at his back with your fingers, leaving marks in your wake. “Right there,” you whispered against his shoulder, biting softly into the skin there. 

He pistoned his hips in and out, hitting the spot over and over again. “Yeah? Right there, baby?” 

You had always joked he had a praise kink, but now that you had him, you knew you were right and good lord did you feed right into it. “So good,” you mumbled, “so good Harry, please don’t stop.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied, tongue darting to the spot under your ear when you turned hyourer head, choking on a moan when he thumbed your clit. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. Gonna tell you every day. Never going to stop now that I have you. Finally.”

You dug into his ass with your heels, keeping him deep inside of you. Hands grabbed skin, and you basked in the heat that surrounded you, the sweat that stuck their skin together. It was perfect--he was perfect, he felt perfect, it was as if you were made for one another. Somehow, every movement he made was better, he navigated your body like he had the only compass and it was carved into his heart. 

Every part of you ached, ached for him and for release. You could feel it rising inside of you, taught like a string, begging. “Oh my god,” you whined, spasming around him. Your hand gripped the back of his neck and dragged his head back to you, fingers digging into his warm skin. Your lips met as he pumped into you over and over, drawing moans from them both that never stopped. You loved that he made noise in bed, that he told you how good you felt, that he made sure you knew how incredible it was. Every kiss pressed to your clammy skin was a reminder of how much he loved you.

“Fuck.” A guttural moan escaped him when you clamped down on his length, your orgasm threatening to rip through you. “Not going to last, baby.” His forehead rested against yours as he dug into the sheets with his fingers and toes, using every ounce of his energy to bring you both to the brink. Your fingers scratched against his shoulder blades, gripping him close as you arched into him. 

“I’m close,” you said, words ragged, “so close.”

“Come,” he breathed out, “please, Y/N.”

You pressed a kiss to his brow, the salt of his sweat against your lips. “Come inside me,” you whispered to his skin. “Want to feel you.”

His head turned, eyes meeting yours. “Sure?”

You dug your heels into his ass in response, gripping him like a vice to you. A moan ripped through him as he dug deep inside of you, pulling every piece of your love from her chest, just as you did to him. Then, he kissed you again, your name a mantra against your lips, and with that, your orgasm ripped through your body. 

He chased it with every brush of his hips, running after you as you soared and fell. You held him close as you came down, struggling to find your breath. But you didn’t want him to move. You wanted to feel him, to see him, to hear him finish. And when he did, it was the most beautiful sight you’d ever seen. His eyes bore into yours, teeth dug into his bottom lip so deep it probably drew blood, fingers curling tightly into the sheets on either side of your shoulders. Slowly, his hips came to a halt and you could feel his cum inside of you. The air was silent except for your breathing as he rested his body against you, not pulling out. 

You two laid there together, your arms wound around his waist, running your fingers up and down his back, his fingers threading through your hair. It was as if you were waiting for the words, because neither of you had them. What do you say after that? 

Harry moved to pull out of you, but you held him fast. “Please,” you whispered, “just…”

He shushed you, knowing what you meant. You wanted him close. After denying your feelings for so long it was like they were consuming every inch of you, overwhelming your brain and your heart. Having him close helped tether you to the ground and you couldn’t let go. Not yet. 

“Love you,” he said softly into your hair. “Love you so much, Y/N.”

You pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Love you too.”

“Think they heard?”

You giggled against his skin and you could feel his smile. “Probably. Don’t care that much, though.”

“Me either.”

You were quiet for a second before mustering the courage to ask the question swirling through your brain. “You’re not going to leave in the morning, right?”

He lifted his head and looked at you. “Never.” Then, he pressed a soft kiss against your lips and tucked his head into the space between your shoulder and your neck, his breath even against your skin. 

And you both laid there, adjusting to what it felt like to finally have the one person you’d always wanted, praying that when the sun rose nothing would change.

talk to me about camping!harry here | masterlist here

#the bucketlist fic challenge #friends to lovers and camping all in one babies!!!! #friends to lovers #camping!harry #Harry Styles Fan Fiction #Harry Styles #harry styles fic #harry styles smut #harry smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles one shot

[flightlessangelwings]

Pride 2k21 Masterlist

Here is the Masterlist of all my Pride Celebration drabbles! Info post and if any prompts are still open can be found in the info post here! Drabbles are marked as what kind of reader used and for any warnings that may be needed, though most are fun fluff drabbles. Drabbles are between 600-800 words for the most part. Smut is marked with a 💦 so please stay away if you’re under 18). 

Links to the weekly writing challenge masterlist are at the bottom of this post!

My main masterlist can be found here

~

1.  Pride (F!Eivor x gn!reader, modern au)

2.  “You know, it’s not often I get to talk to someone like you…I mean…someone like me.” (Loki x gn!bi!reader)

3. “You have the most beautiful smile.”

4. “You know what? I am done hiding. Let’s go.” (Oberyn/Ellaria x gn!reader)

5. “Hope will never be silent” Harvey Milk (Thirteenth Doctor x gn!reader)

6. Rainbow 💦 (Carol Danvers x afab!reader, smut)

7. “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” (Fennec Shand x gn!reader)

8. “Hold my hand tight. I’ll protect you.” (F!Eivor x gn!reader)

9. Soulmate

10. Forehead kisses (Jesper Fahey x gn!reader)

11. Sunlight

12. “Look at that idiot… that’s the love of my life” (Fennec Shand x gn!reader)

13. “It’s always been you” 💦 (Logan Delos x gn!reader, smut)

14. Formal (genderfluid!Loki x fem!bi!reader, combined with 15)

15. “I’ll always be by your side”  (genderfluid!Loki x fem!bi!reader, combined with 14)

16. Glitter (Inej Ghafa x gn!reader)

17. “I may be crazy but that don’t make me wrong” Marsha P Johnson

18. Stargazing (Carol Danvers x gn!reader)

19. Dancing (SamBucky x gn!reader)

20. “someone will remember us, I say, even in another time” Sappho (Kassandra x gn!reader)

21. “To me, you are perfect” 💦(ish) (Boba Fett x gn!Reader x Fennec Shand)

22. “Hold me closer” (Koska Reeves x gn!Reader)

23. Heartbeat 💦(ish)  (Frankie Morales x fem!Reader x Benny Miller)

24. “Marry me” (Kassandra x gn!Reader)

25. Fairy tale (Valkyrie x fem!Reader, combined with 29) 

26. Flames 💦 (Din Djarin x afab!reader x Boba Fett, smut)

27. “At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.”-Frida Kahlo (Boba x gn!Reader x Fennec Shand)

28. “I know it will all work out, as long as we have each other”

29. “I’m in love with you”  (Valkyrie x fem!Reader, combined with 25)

30. Show your true colors

~

Weekly Writing Challenge Masterlist

Week 1 -  pride  /  “Kiss me again, like you mean it.”

Week 2 - rainbow / “Hold my hand tight, I’ll protect you.”

W eek 3 - glitter / “I’ll always be by your side.”

Week 4 - heartbeat / “Someone will remember us, I say, even in another time.”

Week 5 - fairy tale / “I’m in love with you.”

#captain marvel x reader #din djarin x reader x boba fett #fennec shand x reader #boba fett x reader x fennec shand #frankie morales x reader #benny miller x reader #f!eivor x reader #kassandra x reader #sambucky x reader #jesper fahey x reader #koska reeves x reader #logan delos x reader #inej ghafa x reader #thirteenth doctor x reader #din djarin x boba fett x reader #frankie morales x reader x benny miller #valkyrie x reader #carol danvers x reader #jey’s pride celebration 2k21

[yiqiie]

wangxian fic rec list pt.2

you can find part one here!

as usual, this will be kept under a keep reading so it doesn’t clog up the dashboard. i actually reblogged my original post and added to it then accidentally deleted it but i have a crap ton more recommendations anyway! there’s a lot of angst in this list because apparently i love putting my heart through a meat grinder 

there are some heavy fics included this time, but i really wanted to include some that explored the issue of mental health and recovery, especially in these difficult times, so make sure you look out for the TW if those fics aren’t your cup of tea 

since tumblr’s new update prevents posts with links from appearing in the tags, i would really appreciate if people could reblog so anyone who needs a fic rec can see this! 

notion summary page: here (i only put my favourites in this tumblr list, so if you would like even more recommendations, please read the notion summary for basically all of my bookmarks on ao3) 

something to make your heart ache

tempo rubato by @spodumene 

angst, fluff, smut, multi-chaptered, modern au 

guys when i say this fic changed my life i really mean it i think i binged it all within a single night and luckily the last chapter came out the next day and i literally was beside myself with excitement; it is heartbreaking and so beautifully written, i keep going back to read it again and again it’s just THAT good 

complementarity by @besanii​

angst, fluff, multi-chaptered, cql au

i’ve always been a fan of beth’s works (if anyone wants to screech with me about her shattered mirror’s fic I AM HERE) but this was so much angst i literally felt my heart cave in on itself like it was actually painful holy shit she is such a compelling writer and this is one of my favourites even though it HURTS ME 

and here comes the summertime by ribena 

angst, fluff, multi-chaptered, modern au 

LWJ PLS USE YOUR WORDS FOR ONCE this is peak lwj being a dumbass guys i really can’t with this boy but this is such a cute fic of wangxian falling in love and you can really see how they genuinely go from being two people who have no chance of being anything to SOULMATES 

总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie 

angst, trauma, modern au, trigger warning: suicide 

this fic rec is gonna kick off some of our heavier recs for the list; yiqie is definitely one of my favourite ao3 writers and i am really excited for the next update of this fic, it deals with some really important mental health topics and it doesn’t shy away from the reality of how scary things can be. i’ve personally been thinking a lot more about mental health in general during my time in isolation and it’s gotten me to reflect more on my own wellbeing as well. this is beautifully written, and obviously it’s not going to encapsulate everyone’s personal experience but i think it’s a great step in recognising that mental health is real and something we should be looking out for

there’s no promised goodbye here by @yuisakii​

angst, fluff, trauma, modern au, trigger warning: mental health

i saw this fic on twt and i thought it was gonna be a short cute wholesome fic about wangxian being broken up but not really bc wwx is dumb BUT this turned out to be so much more and i’m so appreciative; it portrays not a perfect relationship but one that is under the works and one that will undoubtedly require much more work in the future but it’s reality and it’s true and i think that makes it beautiful, there are discussions of mental health and how that affects relationships and how people learn to put themselves back together again with love and support and i think that’s the best part of this fic 

take yourself home by ribena 

angst, fluff, trauma, multi-chaptered, modern au, trigger warning: suicidal ideation 

this was a surprising fic i didn’t expect it to be as heavy as it was but it was beautifully handled and it’s so important to me to see mental health depicted in different ways; everyone deals with their problems in a different way and someone is struggling could seem objectively like they’re doing okay and i think it’s great that there’s a fic that recognises that, this also gives a little spotlight on the things that people use to try and cope with their wellbeing, it could be the smallest thing but a lot of the time that’s all it takes 

some things go forward by everythingispoetry 

angst, fluff, trauma, multi-chaptered, modern au, trigger warning: medical recovery 

this is a little lighter but i think this is one of the most important; the journey to recovery from any medical condition isn’t something to be taken lightly and i think this fic deals with almost everything that it will encapsulate, it’s a beautiful story that deals with the ups and downs of medical recovery and how you really need to learn to forgive yourself for maybe not being able to do everything you previously wanted to, it’s a hopeful story which is also so important because there is always hope for you no matter what 

something to soothe your heart 

you’ve ruined my life (by not being mine) by @nothing-but-color  

fluff, light angst, smut, multi-chaptered, modern au

guys this fic is so beautiful omfg it’s so CUTE and i think it really nails some of the characterisation it really sets up their relationship so well and it delves into some other issues of wangxian’s parents being uh not great parents lmfao but it’s just cute and wholesome and wangxian discovering the joy of being in a relationship 

this river runs to you by sundiscus 

fluff, light angst, yearning, modern au 

DRAGONS AND MAGIC GUYS HOLY SHIT this was a fic i just sat down and binged in like probably an hour and it’s SO GOOD, the plot, the characterisation, the amount of thought and care that went into developing this was so good and it’s beautiful guys truly a wonderful fic 

heliotrope (eternal love) by avenqelic 

fluff, light angst, modern au 

flowers and their meanings need i say more???? this was so wholesome and wwx is such a dumbass but we love him for it and there’s so much yearning and pining in this it’s almost angst but it’s not bc there’s so much SOFT content in this we love it 

lay us down (we’re in love) by mme_anxious 

fluff, modern au 

guys this is just a short wholesome cute fic to soothe your heart from all the angst i’ve put in this list IT’S PERFECT domestic wangxian will always trump everything as much as i love putting my heart through the works and this is just pEAK wangxian content 

it’s you, it was always you by myung 

fluff, light angst, cql au

guys wwx is such a dumbass but he’s a bby and we love him and this was such cute wholesome barely there angst content AND THE PINING wangxian are so dumb but we love them for it this was just something to truly soothe my heart as the heading suggests so yes pls read this after all the angst 

with absolute splendour by @veliseraptor​

fluff, light angst, yunmeng bros, cql au 

THIS IS THE FIC I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WAITING FOR guys jc being an angry grape wanting to plan shijie’s and wwx’s wedding is genuinely the content i have always wanted and i’m always so sad that there’s like barely any of it but this fic captures it PERFECTLY and it’s the yunmeng reconciliation i have been praying for 

the dragon’s bride by jaws_3 

fluff, light angst, light smut, beauty and the beast au 

lwj bby you need to learn to use your words bc then THIS HAPPENS but guys this was such a cool take on beauty and the beast au and it’s pretty spectacular wangxian are DOMESTIC HUSBANDS before they are even husbands but the writing was breathtakingly good so yes pls read this 

anyway, here’s wuji by @kakikaeru 

fluff, light angst, post-cql, focus on lan jingyi 

okay this is more background wangxian BUT THIS FIC IS SO GOOD, the next one in the series (focussing on jin ling) is also spectacular so pls read them both, but guys LAN JINGYI BEST BOY and he’s in love omfg wangxian being overprotective adorable husbands looking after all their children is just what we LIVE for 

something to make you laugh 

i get religion real quick 'cause you're looking so divine by so_shyy

fluff, humour, modern au

guys wangxian being a chaotic mess but wwx being even more of a pining dumbass bc of hospital drugs is PERFECT i have probably read every single version of the cliche ‘husband waking up stoned after surgery’ but guys it’s so much wholesome content and amazing in every single way 

life, drama and action by akai__hana

fluff, social media, modern au 

whenever i have an angsty fic that makes my heart go eek i reach for this fic bc it’s a reminder that WANGXIAN IS HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A SUN THANK YOU and they are living their best lives as husbands in every life so this is just so cute short and wholesome we LIVE for this content 

besieged by @ariaste 

fluff, light smut, humour, post-cql 

another fic for reaffirmation that wangxian are being overprotective husbands and our bby a-yuan is not really a baby anymore and it’s just so DOMESTIC and such good content and we really love every single reminder that wangxian are just happy and together and they’re SOULMATES okay 

worth the entire universe and more by @xiellian​

fluff, humour, modern au

this was fcking hilarious guys i read it right after one of my angsts and it’s just SO WHOLESOME wwx you’re so dumb we love you so much but you’re truly dumb also lwj bby pls use your words this was such a cute concept and just a pinch of domestic wangxian i needed in my day 

a quest (for kisses) by @xiellian​

fluff, humour, post-cql 

ANOTHER DOMESTIC WANGXIAN FIC guys i can literally picture this happening bc wangxian are insufferable and are hellbent on letting the whole entire world know they are IN LOVE and that they ARE SOULMATES and we forgive them bc they ARE 

#mai's fic rec list! #the untamed #fytheuntamed #mdzsnet #chen qing ling #wangxian fics #wangxian #mo dao zu shi #pls reblog if you can! #the notion page honestly looks so much prettier lmfao

[rethesun]

My Sign of the Times Analysis

You can read it here or on my website (preferable) because the customized background delivers it best. Either way, whatever works for you is fine. 

Sign of the Times was written by: Harry Styles, Jeff Bhasker, Mitch Rowland, Ryan Nasci, Alex Salibian, & Tyler Johnson :)

Here is a truth bomb before I start. Explanation link here.

Intro & Disclaimer: I do not know Harry Styles or the other writers personally, so I apologize in advance for not noticing if I spoke for them in my writing. It is not my intention to discredit or disrespect the original meaning, so please always take Harry’s word over mine. I also will never invalidate your interpretation and feelings on a song. This song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that I could never hope to provide an exhaustive analysis. Due to it’s vagueness and openness for interpretation, I assume that everyone,  just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else's words can or should alter. This song means the world to me for reasons that aren't necessarily in this post, and that's how it is with art that touches us deeply. I've tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare. It's still free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. I will make my own conclusions in the synthesis but feel free to ignore that if yours are different. I'm just one set of brain and heart, taking in Sign of the Times and projecting whatever I think is right onto it. (Thanks to killmygoldenn for the above intro help) Even if my interpretation is far from accurate, Sign of the Times is still my favorite song. I am not rigid about my interpretations and much rather say "this is how I feel but I'm leaving it all open-ended. Fair warning, this first page is full of disclaimers. Eek, sorry. Please remember, these assumptions I make are possibly very misleading and not factual.  

Keep in mind that the story of a mother in childbirth applies just as much throughout but is not the interpretation I will write. I notice some people readily look over the childbirth story, saying 'it makes no sense,’ but maybe the story is true and it’s still valid as one interpretation. The mother could be thinking about all these things how life will treat her child. It can easily coincide with fundamentals, “Equal rights for everyone, all races sexes, everything." Check out this and the tags for further clarification and interpretation. Alternatively, this mother and child story could be a way to express this song, and it doesn't mean that it’s a true story derived from learning it second hand. 

I enjoyed finally writing this all down as it's been on my mind for so long. Thank you for taking the time to read. It honestly means the world.

Topics TW: Life, death, and human rights struggles

People have summed up this song into a few words: closeting or band struggles. I don’t think those are incorrect conclusions at all but the point of an analysis is to write and so even if my perspective is unoriginal and obvious/self explanatory to some, I still chose to write it all out as it’s therapeutic and because the song has captured my heart entirely. 

Note: Harry Styles mentioned the lyrics aren't just about a mother tragically losing her life and having five minutes with her child. Styles said he didn't want to focus on politics but wanted to focus on human rights. When asked about the meaning, Styles initially said he was leaving it ambiguous, stating: 

I don’t think I’d ever say exactly what it’s about. For each person to take away what they get from something is important. It is the most literal song on the album. It’s a view of a lot of things that go on.

However, in his April 2017 interview with Rolling Stones, Styles further elaborated on a more specific meaning:

“Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals. Equal rights for everyone, all races, sexes, everything. 'Sign of the Times' Comes from 'This isn’t the first time we’ve been in a hard time, and it’s not going to be the last.' The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication. The mother is told, 'the child is fine, but you’re not going to make it.' The mother has five minutes to tell the child, 'go forth and conquer.'”

A little note about song interpretations I agree with which applies to this post and they explained it best.

"Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times."

I interpreted the beginning line as encapsulating the entire song. In my opinion, all of the interpretations can work all at once. After all, life is full of turns, and there are multiple points of view. It's another reason I love this song; you can apply many meanings. I am not telling you how to interpret it, so whatever you want works. If you dislike one or all of my interpretations, that's okay. You can also separate these ideas if you like one concept more than the others. 1. The mother and her child, 2. Human rights, 3. world issues like hunger, poverty, war, pollution, environmental devastation, our human impact, and how we keep destroying things. 4. The inner feelings - struggles of being in and leaving 1D, 5. In a broad sense, anyone can relate to concept #5: The inner feelings or critic telling you to grow up it's time for something else. Whatever it is, it is not helping you, at least not anymore. Then there are additional interpretations which are the perspectives of who is giving the message and how it is being received. 6. The loved one you trust to counsel you 7. public interpretation, fans losing boundaries, managers telling the subject to do more of what they ask of, in a boxed-in way. You can see how this can go either way: one is more loving and considerate/validating. The other is more about invalidating emotions.

BTW: I'm not saying Harry doesn't make his own decisions. In this interpretation, where it's about fame, we don't know about specific situations that are not aligned with the subject's wants but align with the music industry's preferences. One point is how 1D was overworked and very much dehumanized. Their mental and physical health was not the priority when it should always have been. "Styles never really fit the cookie-cutter role he was expected to fulfill while in One Direction, and he didn't always have the self-confidence he has today. And his fans could tell. He was always bursting out the seams with more to offer, suffocating from the confines of boyband-hood. From management to stylists to contracts, Styles was being molded into a lesser (but still genuine) version of himself."

This next paragraph is so ugh because my brain was having a low moment so it’s not concise: My last two disclaimers, promise. It doesn't have to be specific to the music world, there can be blocks due to many things, and hopefully, I touch on those topics well enough later on. When I say something like, "music/entertainment industries," I mean it’s a 'power structure' in this heteronormative world that does not tend to have your best interest at heart and is more about keeping things a certain way. Finally, when I say "violation of human rights," I'm implying everything from racism, sexism, homophobia, our heteronormative, gender strict society, etc. Still, I won't specify, and it's up to you to make that specification. Glad that’s out of the way. 

In 2017, Harry hosted The Late Late Show with James Corden and used a lyric for his comedy skit. He directed a line at trump. Harry turned to face a camera and said, "Just stop your crying, it the sign of the times." Some say it's just a comedic convince because it fits well since trump was being impeached for the first time that day, while the meanings are mutually exclusive. To me, that interpretation stands against what trump represents. People who are money-hungry, bigoted, racist, closed-minded, vile, and phobic should quit their selfish crying, make room, and adjust to the times.

To further back up my view above, during the second leg of the HS1 tour, which crossed through June, Harry said, "This is for anyone out there who needs it, this is Sign of the Times, Happy Pride!" Right before singing s.o.t.t. at several of his concerts.

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"Welcome to the final show Hope you're wearing your best clothes" Explanation part: 1. Some connect this line as a direct reflection of the 1D years and their final concert in 2015. Styles told The Sun in 2017 that his time in the band is something he has expressed in his debut album but not in a predictable way. "Rather than just go in and tell the story about what happened, I got to think about how it actually made me feel at the time." "I feel like it’s a good way of saying what you want to say about something without having to sit and be like, ‘You know what, this really p**ed me off.’ But I also wanted it to be fun to listen to. I didn’t want it to make me depressed."

Explanation part: 2. To me, it's somewhat making fun, mocking the fact we put much value on material and trivial things in this world. The following two lines support this below. It's saying hope you did your best and did not make your life all about the wrong things. It could be saying, hope you don't have regrets because there is no return. As far as we know, this is our only life.

"You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky"

Explanation: Note: In literature, doors tend to describe beginnings, endings, transitions, opportunity vs. blocks, and thus duality. 1. The sky symbolizes stardom/power, and the door is the point where you don't have much say in what you want on the road to stardom. Contracts, power hungry people, and prejudice/outdated views still profoundly impact the way things are permitted to operate. 2. The sky symbolizes the end of life/afterlife. The door represents something otherworldly, like the gate to the heavens or (a) God. So you can't bribe your way into redemption with earthly things; your life has to speak for itself. What transcends what you can see and hear, what transcends earthly things, is universal and pure? Love. Many cultures believe you can't take things with you when you die, so most things don't matter. In the end, only the love you had and shared with others will, especially to the people still here. I think it makes you ask yourself, what is your impact?

"You look pretty good down here But you ain't really good"

Explanation: 1. Again adding to the symbolic clothing, the shiny and the trivial things all seem to matter. We get caught up in the striving for something, but sometimes they aren't all as cracked up to be. They hardly matter at all. Happiness is not a goal; it's a result of doing and being. "Ease is a by-product, not a pursuit. The next time you resent the existence of an obstacle, remember that we don't grow by seeking comfort but by overcoming discomfort. Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product." - Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living. This lyric connects back to the beginning of Verse 1, "Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times."

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"We never learn, we been here before"

Explanation: An insurmountable feeling. 1. This line seems to be coming from the suffering subject(s) or the one(s) who see the suffering and are tired of it happening again and again, not just in one's life but notice the repetition in lifetimes throughout history. 2. Will we collectively learn from human history and finally genuinely change our ways, so humans feel safe and equal? 3. On an individual level, will we ever learn? Since we already put ourselves through something terrible once or twice, why continue down the same path? An example can be about the music and film industry not allowing people the freedom to do/be 100% what they want to do/be. These lyrics can apply to all sorts of things much less complex, like particular bad habits, but I believe it's not about that, and it's more complicated, like inequality, as Harry said.

"Why are we always stuck (aka "stuckin" to sound like f-ckin) and running from"

Explanation: 1. Being stuck is usually a terrible feeling; it can feel like you have no control over things, and you're lost or stagnant in life. Then he adds "running from," meaning it's eventually tiring and draining. [ I almost interpret this as, 'why do humans over complicate things and try to accomplish so much, why can't we take smaller strides and be in the present?' I have decided that is a subcategory. It's valid but not the concept I will focus on the entire time. ] While "The bullets? The bullets?" can represent dark obstacles, maybe something that feels somewhat impossible to outrun without protection. For me, what comes to mind is still along the lines of human rights, equality, safety, and it can apply to the mistreatment in stardom. Why are we always having to outrun and work so hard to feel a sense of security or liberation? "We gotta get away from here" Explanation: 1. We have to get away from this negative thing and find a place of safety, physically or metaphorically. 2. We have to stop this bigotry and make this world a safer place.

"Just stop your crying, it'll be alright" "Stop your crying, baby, it's a sign of the times" "They told me that the end is near" "have the time of your life breaking through the atmosphere, and things are pretty good from here Remember everything will be alright"

Explanation part 1: As mentioned, we can interpret these lines in many ways/tones, even as multiple people communicating. Ex: tone-deaf, dismissive, or sometimes as more matter of fact. Alternatively, we can interpret it as someone loving and understanding someone going through life changes with trial and error. 1. The person could be thinking out loud and or listening to their conscience. Maybe as self-soothing, or they are critical of themselves. In this instance, the subject could be saying they have it good and can or should make the best of it not just for themselves but also for other people. 2. Two or more people are talking to each other about being in the same challenging situation. 3. The trusted loved one hearing them out and reminding them things will be okay eventually. 4. The music industry tells the subject how good they have it while providing them with privilege and dates, parties, drugs, alcohol, etc., while withholding certain freedoms. Unfortunately, having so many fans can be a part of this; it isn't just the industry that invades the subject's personal life. (#4 applies when you interpret the tone as something negative)

"They told me that the end is near" "breaking through the atmosphere"

Explanation part 2: 1. The "atmosphere" can be another way to say "sky." Remember, the "sky" so far has symbolized fame, fortune, ambition, the afterlife, and now I am interpreting it as breaking a glass ceiling and or collective historical milestones. Regardless of the milestones size, we are still making progress, and the end of a dark time, possibly for human rights, can be coming to a stop. Or so we wish. We still have levels to go; however, there is light making its way through the tunnel. There is so much hope.

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"We can meet again somewhere, Somewhere far away from here"

Explanation: 1. Life and death: many of us believe one day we can reconnect in peace with those we love in the afterlife. 2. We can have our equal rights and or can come together again when it's safer, hopefully soon and in this lifetime, but maybe we won't see enough change in one lifetime. "We" can stand for the subject and or anyone who can relate to them.

"We don't talk enough, we should open up. Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before. It's just what we know"

Explanation: To me, this comes across as possibly an intimate (personal, not sexual) thought or spoken conversation. 1. There is a lack of communication with someone or a few people, which has become difficult to handle. 2. Not speaking about something can feel like a burden. The lack of discussion and safety around the topic is becoming too much, pushing the person to their limit. 3. "we don't talk enough" doesn't have to mean literal communication it can mean, in general, the subject/the subject and a few people/the world, doesn't deal with things well. 4. Alternatively, someone can see that many people are suffering at their limits.

"We've been here before" "It's just what we know"

Explanation: "It's just what we know" 1. We are personally used to, and this could be, being treated as less and not given equal rights and safety. 2. The state of the world and repeating things from history is just what we know, and we struggle to escape it because many people don't want to change. In some way, the subject is answering their own question about why they or we always feel stuck and running and why we never learn.

"We gotta getaway, we got to get away We got to, we got to, away"

Explanation: Pleading exclaiming we must stop all of this or we must get away from all of this unnecessary hurt. "Away" can be the place or a period or even a whole lifetime from now of acceptance, freedom, and love.

This song is not about just pain and feeling sad. This debut album banger and genuine masterpiece leaves everything and at the same time nothing on the table. Simply because it's the first single on the first album does not mean it lacks. There is so much growth, soul, wisdom, patience, grit, heart, life, and love in it. It is truly cathartic.

#harry styles #sign of the times #song analysis #hs1 #if i could describe this song in one word it is cathartic #sott #oh and yes I believe coacoac is collaborative with sott #its about life #rethesun #source: me

[jawnkeets]

probably a strange question but: how did you develop your style when it comes to poetry? I really appreciate how you write and how it's vague and specific at the same time? don't know how to express what I mean exactly, but it's like phrases that you feel more than you really understand them sometimes, and that don't look like they should make sense at a glance but when you really read them they do. maybe you'll know what quality I mean 🙈 I feel like I'm way too literal when I write and I want to be a little more abstract in a say less, convey more kind of a way?

hey anon, thank you! not a strange question at all - it’s actually a very good question, and one that i was asking until recently as well (and to be honest am still asking!). i totally know what you mean.

i guess the shortest answer i can give you is that i think ‘poetic feeling’ is best felt full-on, but expressed to the side. it’s also something that genuinely does get easier the more you try to do it, i.e., is a skill that can be sharpened; to start with, everything feels like nonsense, or not quite right, and i felt like a bit of a fake initially, but as i did it more and more i had more and more tiny breakthroughs and gained confidence (which is a genuinely such a large part of any creative endeavour), and this can happen surprisingly fast and snowball; i switched up my style in maybe 1-3 months, just trying a little bit - maybe 15 lines - every couple of days or so. and i didn’t put pressure on myself, deciding if i hated it i’d delete it and reminding myself that no one had to see. i find writing short poems also really helps with practising: they can help you focus more intensely on each choice.

it’s also not a solo thing, or at least doesn’t have to be - i use random word generators, to different degrees depending on the poem, and also it’s surprising how much even just picking words off wikipedia can help, especially with themed poetry. recently i wrote a poem about the medieval period, and threw in words that came to me with terms from wiki pages about the medieval period (history, art, medicine, etc), to make noun phrases like ‘kaleidoscopic altar vision noise’, ‘law texture’, etc etc. the thing that’s helped me most, though, is reading other poems which i think have this quality, which tends especially to be image-heavy poetry: will stone’s translation of trakl completely changed the direction of my poetry, and lorca, rilke and seferis have also been invaluable. i also find authors that do weird things with syntax interesting, like e. e. cummings and j. h. prynne, but don’t go quite as far as them. i have a list of favourite poems which might help, and which i re-read regularly ❤️

something else i enjoy doing is practising reading and misremembering, which sounds like cheating but is actually an excellent way of generating new material. i remember reading (i think it’s this article) alexandra cook’s 'creative memory and visual image in chaucer’s house of fame' and it was a breakthrough for me. from memory (ironic - wish i still had access so i could properly quote from it/check stuff) it talked about how one dimension to medieval creativity was misremembering - that new ideas and originality came from the gap between what the work actually was and how another writer remembered it. trying to deliberately misremember is a lot of fun; a poem is then borne out of an interesting intersection of skill and contingency, which gives it an energy, i think.

on a kind of separate but related note, the classical ars memoriae, or ‘art of memory’, might be quite an interesting thing to play with in relation to writing poetry. what it is, for anyone that’s not familiar with it, is basically the notion that the way to remember things is by having some kind of system in your head - like spatialising the material (so you think about the room you first encountered it in and all the details to help you better remember it), imagining it in a sequence, breaking it up into sets - there are absolutely loads of ways. if this seems weird or alien, we still use mind maps all the time, which is a great example! to deliberately twist, literalise and tbh actually invert the art of memory stuff (i know this is a bit abstract eek), i’ve been thinking recently that it might be fun to distort ideas (themes, an image you like, a line you like) by running them through various ancient memory systems, because i think medieval thought had a point that these systems subtly distort things even as and precisely because their function is get us to remember them accurately (paradoxically, we bend them to our chosen way of thinking/remembering stuff, which alters the material). using ways of memorising we wouldn’t normally use, and forcing them to interact with material much more literally, can yield quite interesting results. in any case, it introduces different ‘head spaces’ which can be quite useful to take in a very loose way when trying to ‘think to the side’: here’s a starting list. to give quite a crude and simplified example, let’s say i’m obsessed with homer’s wine dark sea and want to write something based on it, but also different and original. what if i try to think of ‘wine dark sea’ as sequential (thinking of material in a sequence being one way of remembering things listed on the above wikipedia link)? i’m honestly not sure what that means, and i can’t envision that. it doesn’t even make sense, and is a deliberate perversion of what memorising things in a sequence would actually look like - ‘wine dark sea’ would be one chain in a sequence if the sequence was, e.g., ‘favourite quotes’. ‘wine dark sea’ itself can’t be a sequence; this would turn ‘wine dark sea’ into something logical, mathematical even. but then the phrase ‘mathematical wine dark sea’ is interesting and unexpected. and you can then play with that or variations of it - ‘wine sea: dark, mathematical’ would make a great opening line, and ‘wine sea mathematics’ and ‘wine dark mathematics’ are really interesting phrases (you know actually i quite like this - might go and write a poem about it now... lol).

that last bit is very speculative and i’m kind of thinking out loud, so feel free to ignore haha. i wrote a post on writing poetry a couple of years ago, too, which might have a couple of useful tidbits. i hope some of this is helpful!!

#asks #my guides