#i haven't read the light novels so who knows what more is there

[dazai-on-my-mind]

I keep getting notes about how others see Aroace Dazai AND YET THERE'S NO POSTS ON IT????

Like where are the analysis about Dazai feeling disconnected from humanity and how things like love and sexual desire are two of the main things that people say make us human (incorrect but not the point). Why is no one talking about the vulnerability required to even participate in a romantic or sexual relationship???? Dazai Osamu the man whose bandages serve as an allegory on how he won't allow anyone to come too close and see underneath his facade.

And as much as I keep thinking about the nurse scene and Chuuya's threats to send Dazai's address out there are still multiple plausible explanations that aren't related to him having a sexual relationship with any of those women.

#its hard having the correct opinion on anything ever 😔 #but somebody's gotta do it #I'm running on like 4 hours of sleep idk what's happening rn #my head huuuurts #I still stand by that scene in the hospital being a hot and heavy make out #the man was shot y'all c'mon #also Dazai is Dazai he probably just asked those women for a double suicide 😔 #i hope someone with better analysis skills picks up on this because its driving me insane #there's so much here to dissect #AND THAT'S JUST THE MANGA/ANIME #i haven't read the light novels so who knows what more is there #im so tired #anyways more to come #because this is driving mw insane #aroace dazai #aro dazai #ace dazai #aroace headcanons #aroace #cory talks bsd

[sorcerersandskillusers]

I want to talk about one of the most terrifying and interesting bsd characters who almost no fan remembers.

This character nearly tore down the ADA without ever getting involved herself, yet the entire fandom has ignored her because of her terrible anime adaptation.

Who am I talking about?

Nobuko Sasaki

If you haven't read Dazai Osamu's Entrance Exam, then you probably don't even know who this character is, in the anime she is watered down to the lovesick girlfriend of an actual villain, and you probably dismissed her immediately. But in the light novel, we get to see how dangerous and cunning she really is, to the point she nearly gets the better of Dazai and almost causes the ADA to be shut down. (Fukuzawa says he would have closed the agency if they hadn't caught her)

In terms of intelligence I'd put her on the same level as Mori, just slightly below the super human genius characters i.e. Dazai, Fyodor and Ranpo

The Azure Apostle

For those who don't remember, Sasaki was the Azure Apostle, a mysterious figure who challenged the agency with several horrifying cases, which would all lead to mass casualties if the agency failed to stop them. These were; uncovering an underground organ smuggling operation (which the agency failed to stop and which massively hurt their reputation) stopping a bombing of Yokohama port which could have killed hundreds of people, and preventing a commercial aeroplane from crashing into the city (this was not included in the anime)

Each of the people, who committed these crimes, had no Idea they were being manipulated and thought it was their own idea the whole time. There was no evidence that anyone else had been involved at all, and the agency had no way to connect her to any of the crimes. And she even makes the genius move of framing Dazai, the mysterious new member with suspicious knowledge of the underworld and a hidden past, as the true culprit.

In fact, she only made one mistake, challenging Dazai. If Dazai had been basically anyone else, they would have been cornered and arrested, but since Dazai's mind works on a level even master strategists can't imagine, he was able to turn the tables on her.

But even after Dazai sees through her plans, the ADA still has to act exactly the way she wants them too and stop the plane crash. Even when they know they're being manipulated, they still have to do exactly what she wanted.

Finally, after Dazai and Kunikida confront her and get her to admit to being behind all those crimes, even then they are powerless to stop her.

Even after being involved with so many massive crimes, Sasaki herself hadn't done anything illegal, so within the law the ADA is completely powerless to stop her.

They can't arrest her, and if they try then the agency will be put in even more danger as will many innocent lives. She has completely trapped the ADA, and even Dazai in a choice to follow the law and let her go or take justice into their own hands and prove they will stoop as low as she did.

In the end, there she has them in a perfect deadlock, let her continue her mission, or kill her themselves. Both are bad outcomes for the ADA.

In the end, Dazai has her killed by using a third party (Rokuzo) to shoot her, so the agency can't be blamed for her murder, though this ends her plans it deeply scars Kunikida and shakes his resolve in his ideals.

The trauma from this event still haunts Kunikida to this day, we see that when he is affected by Q's curse, Sasaki is who he sees.

So thats the Azure Apostle, a terrifying master mind who nearly brought down the Armed Detective Agency, but now lets look at the other side of this character.

Nobuko Sasaki Herself

We know several things about Sasaki as a character and her history from the light novel. That she was a brilliant criminal psychologist and was internationally recognised despite being so young

,that she was the ex-lover of the Azure King and the real mastermind behind his plans, and that she had very little motivation of her own.

That's not meant to be an insult to the character, she says herself that she never really had much direction in life, even with her incredible intelligence she never really had anything she wanted to achieve.

But the Azure King was the opposite, he had powerful drive and strong ideals, he wanted to punish criminals who couldn't be touched by the law and when he failed to change the law as a bureaucrat, she offered him an alternative.

A very important thing here is that neither of them were manipulating or forcing the other into this path, as far as we see they genuinely loved each other, each providing something the other couldn't, Sasaki her mind and the Azure King his drive.

When the Azure king died, Sasaki had no path of her own to follow, so she simply kept following his, even though she doesn't seem to have really cared about his cause.

All of this creates a very unique character, you can't say she was driven by revenge, because she wasn't really driven at all. It's more like she was running on momentum, she had chosen a path to follow and could not stop even though there was nothing pushing her down it any more.

She's a perfect antithesis of Kunikida and was the best possible villain a light novel about him could have had.

A man who brings his ideals into reality with his own hands against a woman who uses others to enforce ideals that were never hers to begin with.

Anyway, I made this because Sasaki is criminally underrated in this fandom, If you haven't read "Dazai Osamu's Entrance Exam" I highly recommend it, I've only put a tiny fraction of the amazing story here.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai #dazai osamu #bsd analysis #doppo kunikida #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo #bungou stray dogs kunikida #dazai osamu's entrance exam #bsd entrance exam #bsd light novel #dazai's entrance exam #bsd character analysis #bsd characters #Nobuko Sasaki #bsd sasaki

[pinkie-pop]

Hazbin Hotel idea: Morningstar! Reader

Featuring: Gender-Neutral Reader, Platonic Hazbin Hotel x Reader, Yandere Hazbin Hotel

Reader's design

Link to part I

Haven't you ever wanted to transmigrate into the world of your favorite media? Of course you have! Otherwise, why would you even be here?

It's a story we've all seen before. Someone dies and wakes up in a new, exciting body, in a new, exciting world!

You've seen it all before. But you never thought it could actually happen to you.

There's a baby crying somewhere in the room.

You're staring up at nothing, the most gorgeous chandelier you've ever seen in your life hanging from an unfamiliar ceiling. It takes you a moment to realize it's actually a baby mobile.

What kind of rich freak buys something that elaborate for a baby? You're in a strange place, that's for sure.

The crying gets louder. You reach to cover your ears, only to stop dead in your tracks as you realize just how small you are.

No way...that baby...is it you?

[More under the cut]

So, this is really happening, huh? You've reincarnated (or something) into the body of some (assumedly very) wealthy family's baby.

This.

Fucking.

Rules.

You're no stranger to the transmigration trope, having read countless light novels and webcomics during your time on Earth. You know what to expect—a loving family, beautiful male leads, and more money than you could ever spend. Of course, you'll miss your old life and friends, but honestly, who could turn down a life like this? You were (re)born with a silver spoon, and you plan to take full advantage of it.

The crying gets even louder, and you realize that you're hungry. It's a different kind of hunger than you've ever felt before. It almost...doesn't feel human.

But that's silly, isn't it?

You've been born with a silver spoon, who could ask for more? You will yourself to stop crying, but it only gets louder and louder as the hunger grows.

The door opens, and the most gorgeous woman you've ever seen steps inside. Judging by her attire, she must be someone of high social standing. Is she your mother?

"Aw, hush now little one, Mommy's here," she says, picking you up and rocking you gently. The crying ceases almost immediately, leaving you feeling slightly irritated. How come this woman has more control over your body than you do? You don't have very long to stew in your irritation, however, as the woman pulls out a bottle from seemingly thin air, a dark red liquid gently sloshing around inside.

You're no expert, but you can say with 99% certainty that that isn't milk. You don't know what it is, honestly, but you do know that it's the most appetizing looking thing you've seen in your life.

The woman, your mother, places the bottle to your lips, and you lap it up greedily. "Hungry, are we?" She asks. You obviously don't respond. Even if you could, you're far too focused on drinking down every last drop of whatever is in that bottle to pay any attention to what she's saying.

Finally, your hunger satiated, you finish the bottle. Your mother poofs it out of existence, but you don't have time to think about the potential existence of magic before the door opens again.

"How is our little one?" A male voice (your father, most likely) asks. It sounds familiar, but you can't quite place it.

"They've got quite the healthy appetite," your mother responds, turning to show you to the man.

Your eyes grow as wide as saucers.

Lucifer...?

A/N: I'll write more of this if it gets popular. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist

#hazbin hotel x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lilith #hazbin lilith #charlie morningstar #hazbin charlie #hazbin alastor #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #vaggie

[mimi-cee-genshin]

Just a kid - Alhaitham x f!reader

Summary: It was getting harder to deal with Alhaitham's crush on you.

Other info: fluff, childhood friends to lovers, pre-relationship, prequel to Friend-zoned? but this drabble spoils it a little, occurs after and spoils his story quest, 0.8k words

*****

"Hm?"

You were taken out of the world you were exploring when Alhaitham sat beside you. The patch of grass was worn underneath him and you were surprised the spot hadn't given way into the soil.

He pulled out a textbook from his bag and removed the bookmark you had made for him. It was a keepsake made from his grandmother's flowers. Periwinkle blue was her favorite color.

The scowl on his face remained even though he was seemingly engrossed in his book. From the years of experience of reading his face, you knew better than to think he was fine.

"What's wrong?" you asked. Many things had been bothering him with his new role as the Acting Grand Sage.

"It's been a long day," he said, eyes not leaving the page. "Apparently I made another enemy by pointing out the flaws in someone's project."

"Did you need my help again?" you said, laughing and rubbing his hair. He rarely got along with the other kids in your neighborhood.

"No," he said, shooing your hand away. "I had to deal with it right away. This hivemind case wouldn't have been resolved if I had simply ignored it. I was the target after all."

"Hivemind?" you asked. "You mean like in the book Giants of Heaven?"

He raised a brow. "Is that the light novel you kept trying to get me to read?"

A smile tugged on your lips. "Are you interested in it now?" Maybe he'd finally read the stack of books you wanted to share and enjoy with him.

"Not really," he said curtly, continuing to read his textbook.

"Fine…" you complained. He never looked down on you for taste in books. He just didn't enjoy light novels. "But who in their right mind would create a hivemind? It turned out horribly in the novel."

"Akademiya scholars aren't exactly the brightest bunch," he said. "You'd be much better for the position."

There he went again with the flattery. "Maybe if it were possible to get a degree in light novels," you laughed. He thought way too highly of you simply because you grew up together.

"You know I'm being serious." He closed his book and turned to you. "You'd teach them to get out of their own heads. Like you did with me."

He used to be a know-it-all as a kid, often arguing with you when what you said didn't match his book. At least now, he was more level-headed and thought through things rationally while keeping an open mind. Not to mention he learned how to discern information better.

Yet there were moments where he'd act like the child he was all those years ago. It was always so funny when he'd pretend he wasn't excited about the books you brought home from your travels. That didn't change one bit.

"Meh. I'm not that great," you told him. "I don't really want to give my life away to the Akademiya anyway."

"You've gotten better at rejecting my compliments," he stated, crossing his arms. "Did you get that from the female lead of your current book?"

"Actually, that book went on hiatus, but it's coming back later this year and–"

Alhaitham raised his brow. Cheeky kid.

"You think you're sooooo smart, don't you?"

"Apparently not smart enough," he replied. "You still haven't accepted my feelings for you yet."

He was so casual about bringing them up that it had almost caught you off guard. You lifted up your book and turned your face away from him. Water continued to trickle over rocks and down the stream.

The longing in his eyes was still the same as when you were young. Avoiding them with this book was a lost cause. You didn't understand why he was so infatuated with you, but the adorable and cute little Alhaitham you knew was now grown up and sitting inches away from you.

"I think I'm feeling hungry now. Did you want to head back?" you asked.

Alhaitham rubbed his temples. You knew he'd be annoyed since he just got here and had no intention of moving from his reading spot.

"No. But I'll be here again tomorrow."

Translation: Retreat for now and try again later. Just when was he going to give up on you?

You scaled up the small cliff using the rope he replaced last year. Maybe a drink at Puspa Café would be nice. Another trip away from Sumeru might be good too.

He was making it harder to keep on rejecting him.

*****

I hope you liked it.

This was a mini spin-off of Friend-zoned? lol. I wanted to explore Alhaitham and the reader's interactions more. I actually have another drabble idea for them but we'll see if I actually like it enough to post it. lol.

#alhaitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham scenarios #alhaitham drabble #alhaitham #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scenarios #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin alhaitham #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin fanfic #alhaitham fanfic

[zombie-bait]

Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #james somerton #hbomberguy #vampire chronicles #iwtv spoilers #the vampire lestat #youtube #anne rice #queer media

[grandhotelabyss]

Advice/hard truths for writers?

The best piece of practical advice I know is a classic from Hemingway (qtd. here):

The most important thing I’ve learned about writing is never write too much at a time… Never pump yourself dry. Leave a little for the next day. The main thing is to know when to stop. Don’t wait till you’ve written yourself out. When you’re still going good and you come to an interesting place and you know what’s going to happen next, that’s the time to stop. Then leave it alone and don’t think about it; let your subconscious mind do the work.

Also, especially if you're young, you should read more than you write. If you're serious about writing, you'll want to write more than you read when you get old; you need, then, to lay the important books as your foundation early. I like this passage from Samuel R. Delany's "Some Advice for the Intermediate and Advanced Creative Writing Student" (collected in both Shorter Views and About Writing):

You need to read Balzac, Stendhal, Flaubert, and Zola; you need to read Austen, Thackeray, the Brontes, Dickens, George Eliot, and Hardy; you need to read Hawthorne, Melville, James, Woolf, Joyce, and Faulkner; you need to read Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Turgenev, Goncherov, Gogol, Bely, Khlebnikov, and Flaubert; you need to read Stephen Crane, Mark Twain, Edward Dahlberg, John Steinbeck, Jean Rhys, Glenway Wescott, John O'Hara, James Gould Cozzens, Angus Wilson, Patrick White, Alexander Trocchi, Iris Murdoch, Graham Greene, Evelyn Waugh, Anthony Powell, Vladimir Nabokov; you need to read Nella Larsen, Knut Hamsun, Edwin Demby, Saul Bellow, Lawrence Durrell, John Updike, John Barth, Philip Roth, Coleman Dowell, William Gaddis, William Gass, Marguerite Young, Thomas Pynchon, Paul West, Bertha Harris, Melvin Dixon, Daryll Pinckney, Darryl Ponicsan, and John Keene, Jr.; you need to read Thomas M. Disch, Joanna Russ, Richard Powers, Carroll Maso, Edmund White, Jayne Ann Phillips, Robert Gluck, and Julian Barnes—you need to read them and a whole lot more; you need to read them not so that you will know what they have written about, but so that you can begin to absorb some of the more ambitious models for what the novel can be.

Note: I haven't read every single writer on that list; there are even three I've literally never heard of; I can think of others I'd recommend in place of some he's cited; but still, his general point—that you need to read the major and minor classics—is correct.

The best piece of general advice I know, and not only about writing, comes from Dr. Johnson, The Rambler #63:

The traveller that resolutely follows a rough and winding path, will sooner reach the end of his journey, than he that is always changing his direction, and wastes the hours of day-light in looking for smoother ground and shorter passages.

I've known too many young writers over the years who sabotaged themselves by overthinking and therefore never finishing or sharing their projects; this stems, I assume, from a lack of self-trust or, more grandly, trust in the universe (the Muses, God, etc.). But what professors always tell Ph.D. students about dissertations is also true of novels, stories, poems, plays, comic books, screenplays, etc: There are only two kinds of dissertations—finished and unfinished. Relatedly, this is the age of online—an age when 20th-century institutions are collapsing, and 21st-century ones have not yet been invented. Unless you have serious connections in New York or Iowa, publish your work yourself and don't bother with the gatekeepers.

Other than the above, I find most writing advice useless because over-generalized or else stemming from arbitrary culture-specific or field-specific biases, e.g., Orwell's extremely English and extremely journalistic strictures, not necessarily germane to the non-English or non-journalistic writer. "Don't use adverbs," they always say. Why the hell shouldn't I? It's absurd. "Show, don't tell," they insist. Fine for the aforementioned Orwell and Hemingway, but irrelevant to Edith Wharton and Thomas Mann. Freytag's Pyramid? Spare me. Every new book is a leap in the dark. Your project may be singular; you may need to make your own map as your traverse the unexplored territory.

Hard truths? There's one. I know it's a hard truth because I hesitate even to type it. It will insult our faith in egalitarianism and the rewards of earnest labor. And yet, I suspect the hard truth is this: ineffables like inspiration and genius count for a lot. If they didn't, if application were all it took, then everybody would write works of genius all day long. But even the greatest geniuses usually only got the gift of one or two all-time great work. This doesn't have to be a counsel of despair, though: you can always try to place yourself wherever you think lightning is likeliest to strike. That's what I do, anyway. Good luck!

#creative writing #literature

[mybworlds]

CHAPTER 7

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

Masterlist

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... thank you for your support, for your likes and reblog, thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️

If you like it pls leave a like/comment/reblog it, if you don't like it don't be rude and keep going. Please remember English is not my first language, so please be merciful!

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

Grocery shopping with Joel is an experience that turned out to be more fun perhaps than it should have been as Joel would just run from one aisle to another, leaning on the shopping cart whenever you told him to wait because you were watching what to get. If it were up to him, he would take prepared and powdered stuff only, and when that happened, you would turn your nose up at it and make him put it down or put it down yourself.

In short, you learned one thing: Joel can't do grocery shopping.

You smile as you're walking back to his house-he has a trunk full of bags and edibles, he'll be fine for weeks probably!

You help him arrange the groceries in the fridge, in the pantry, he takes things out of the bags and you put them away. From time to time you cast glances at each other, which to you means gratitude, to him perhaps more, you try not to ask.

"I've to go now. I have to talk to my mother," you tell him wearing your jacket again.

"I'll accompany you." he offers.

You shake your head "No, Joel, I'd like to take a walk."

"It's far." he reminds you.

"I know, but…I'd still like to go alone. Thank you anyway." he nods lowering his gaze for a brief moment "Joel" you go on approaching him "thank you for everything, really."

"Anytime." he says.

You throw your arms around his neck and hug him, he returns the hug strongly. Your heart is pounding in your chest, you cannot explain what is happening. You hide your face in his neck and inhale deeply his strong scent with your eyes closed, you wonder why for you there is never a situation as simple and precise as the one you experienced before when you were helping him grocery shop, everything had been so natural at that moment, your glances, your smiles, him showing you the things to buy and you shaking your head making him roll his eyes. You almost looked like--

"Bye." you say loosening your grip and turning your back immediately, or you would never leave.

Those brown eyes, his scent, his smile. They almost bewitched you.

It shouldn't be that way. Because you're dating another guy, not Joel, but then why his presence becomes more and more cumbersome, more and more present, more and more powerful, more and more all-encompassing with each passing second?

You wish it wasn't so.

The phone vibrates, there is a new message from Jack.

You read the message, "Would you like to go out to dinner tonight?"

You look around and shake your head "Not tonight. I have to resolve an urgent matter at home."

Writing this, you block the phone and continue.

You don't feel like going out tonight. You need to talk to your mother, it's true.

But not only. You want to be alone.

When you knock on the front door, your mother immediately opens it: she is made-up, wearing a hideous pajamas that she wears when she doesn't feel well or is in a bad mood. As soon as she sees you, her face lights up and she throws her arms around your neck.

"Hi, Mom." you say when you are still clinging to her.

"Come." she says letting you in.

You go inside almost in small steps, as if you feel like an intruder entering your own home.

"May I?" you ask, looking away from your mother.

"It's your house, you don't even have to ask." she replies closing the door "I'm the one who has to apologize to you, not for letting you find Leo in the house, but for not talking to you." she sighs "I should have told you everything, or at least mentioned. We'll talk later if it's okay with you." you nod "Come, I ordered sushi."

You eat in silence. You never liked sushi much, but once in a while you pretend to like it, and you do it for your mother, for your messy, chaotic mother who strives to keep everything under control all the time, but who, it seems, cannot do so without being overwhelmed herself by all the events that life puts in front of her.

Both of you talk. For the first time without filters, without 'you must,' for the first time you talk to her and she listens to you; you tell her about Joel - well, you don't tell her everything everything everything - you explain he's become your music teacher and you go to him, no longer to Tommy's; she tells you about Leo and the way they met: she met him during a break from one of her endless hospital shifts, during that break they had talked so much and shared so much it had seemed to them they had known each other all their lives.

Initially they saw each other like this in the hospital when it happened only, she tells you, then they began to date each other during their shifts to have coffee and exchange some confidences, that was where it all started. When Leo had revealed to her he was married, your mother was already in love with him, she knows she is wrong to see a married man, she tells you, however, she loves him and cannot do without him, she feels guilty toward the man's wife and his two children, but at the moment she cannot avoid these meetings.

You make an effort not to judge her, even though you think she is making a mistake in dating this man, but rather advise her to distance herself from him a bit to really understand how she feels about him.

It's the same advice you gave yourself regarding Joel, don't see him to fully understand how you feel about him, whether it's just attraction or whether there's more to it.

Your mother smiles sweetly at you, "I'm sorry I relied so little on you, I'm sorry I didn't give you the right amount of wiggle room in your life. I've been a terrible parent. Oppressive. Sorry. In fact, if you want -- why don't you have your friends over tonight? I promise to go to bed early, but especially not to eavesdrop on any of your conversations," your mother says.

Your eyes light up and you throw your arms around her neck "Thank you, Mom, thank you, thank you." you give her a kiss on the cheek "Then I'll throw a sleepover party complete with pizza!" you exclaim on a high.

Your friends are delighted to come over to your house, you slip into your big pajamas with obscene patterns and fluorescent colors, then you open the pizza boxes and put play on the first movie on Netflix that comes your way, luckily it is a comedy-romance movie, therefore, it meets the tastes of all of you. When the movie is over, you hear your mother close her bedroom door to go to sleep.

That's when your moment of confidences begins: Kristen confides in you about a meeting with a guy at a graphic design master's program, he's very cute, but he's already engaged and she doesn't know whether to try anyway or let it go. You advise her to let it go, Gina and Helen instead urge her to go ahead and see what happens, bad luck he doesn't pick up on the signals and she can move on to the next guy. Gina tells about her erotic encounter two nights before with a guy in a bar, very nice, great speaker and especially one who is very good with oral sex.

"And what about you about John and Joel?" asks Helen.

"You too with 'John,' his name is Jack. J - A - C - K. Jack!" you exclaim.

"Yes, yes, he -- because who else calls him John?" asks Helen again.

"Joel. Last night…"

"You went to him?!" exclaims Gina raising her voice.

You shush her, "Yes, I went to him last night. Now I explain."

You tell them about what happened with your mother, how it had upset you and how you had found refuge at Joel's house, how he had welcomed you and made you feel welcomed, the kiss you gave each other, the shopping you did together the next day.

"I tell you again, when are you going to dip his fingers in your honey jar?" Helen asks making you blush conspicuously.

"What you're experiencing with him, you'll admit is weird," says Gina, you nod "I mean, you got close right away, so why not try it? I'm not saying have sex with him right away, but why not try to be closer to him, more intimate, and then maybe even that?"

"Maybe you don't like it though because Jack is there, but what if Jack wasn't there? Would you be more sure about being with Joel?" asks Kristen.

"Girls, you are forgetting one important thing: I am a virgin, in every sense of the word. I don't know anything about men, how to get intimate with a man, how to do certain things, things that maybe to you, Gina, are obvious. And then he had an affair that ended, it seems, badly that shook him up a lot and he has a daughter -- somewhere. I'm only 29 years old. I don't know if I can handle all this load," you confide to them.

"It's normal to be afraid," Helen reassures you, laying a hand on yours, "But if you don't try you'll never know."

"Now are you talking about Joel or Jack?"

"Both." she answers you "It seems to me you are using Jack as an alibi with Joel and Joel as an alibi with Jack. You are afraid. And again it's normal." she continues "But try to go a little bit further, I don't say go straight to the point, but maybe go out, dress a little bit more provocatively--"

"Yes, I can lend you a couple of my clothes!" exclaims Gina enthusiastically.

"Maybe try to get a little closer and then see what happens," Helen continues.

"We're talking about Jack now."

"Yes." says Helen again.

"Even with Joel, maybe try going somewhere, I don't know--maybe to a restaurant, a theater," says Gina.

"Joel is not the theater type, in fact he likes hiking, the smell of wood," you tell them.

"Then with Joel you are facilitated." resumes Gina "But, man, you have to figure out first who you feel most comfortable with, but more importantly who you are really interested in. Don't keep your foot in two stirrups. It happened to me once and it was a total disaster. You would end up losing 'em both."

That night you have a lot of nightmares. However, even though you wake up in a state of complete agitation, you decide you need to define this interest of yours.

You call Jack and ask him for a date, perhaps at the diner. Nothing romantic or special, but a way to meet him again and try to understand.

He tells you he is at the library this morning studying for an exam, but invites you to join him anyway. He would enjoy your company, he tells you.

You inform Gina about this meeting, and so she almost drags you to her house, or rather actually drags all of you friends to her house.

She makes you try on first a red one-shoulder sheath dress with a pair of shoes with a vertiginous heel, you risk falling and breaking an ankle; so, you shake your head and they roll their eyes.

A second dress is ankle-length ochre with a plunging neckline and a pair of stilettos underneath; you don't like that either.

The third is a midnight blue dress that is mid-thigh length, there is no neckline, and underneath you put on a pair of knee-length boots. It's perfect, you like it, and then you think you can also wear it to the library, maybe put a nice coat over it, and to the diner.

"You look like a nun." comments Gina disapprovingly.

"I like it." comment Kristen and Helen in chorus.

You smile at them, thank them, and then head for the library.

In the city's huge library you went there several times and all of them in secret from your mother, there you borrowed books of various kinds, mostly literature texts as you were strongly interested in literature especially English and Spanish, and as you read your imagination was fed and grew more and more until you wanted to write books.

This desire, however, is still confined to a corner of your head.

You go in, leave your bag in the locker and take the key with you, then use the key card to gain access inside and thus gain access to the reading section. Jack tells you he is in section 55. Your footsteps echo through the huge hallway, as you gradually pass the various sections and observe the hundreds of people hunched over books or reaching out to the various shelves in search of volumes.

You breathe in deeply the smell of the many books stored inside the library and smile, you have always loved that very special smell, the smell of time and history.

You have arrived at section 55 and you immediately see Jack hunched over a thick volume, you see him jotting something down in a notebook and then paying attention to the tome again. He looks so focused that he's almost funny. You approach him, gently placing a hand on his forearm, and he, so engrossed in what he is doing, jerks back.

"H - hello." he greets you with a bewildered look.

"Hi, I'm sorry I scared you," you say with a small smile.

"No, it's okay. Forgive my reaction to your wonderful sight." he says making you smile "Come, have a seat." he adds moving his jacket to another chair.

You sit down next to him and observe him "You look tired." you comment.

He smiles with a more relaxed air "Yes, the exam is in less than three weeks. It's right just before Christmas. I'm very tense. I could really use a distraction." he says looking at you.

"Would I be the distraction?" you ask him in a whisper.

He nods "You are a wonderful distraction." he says stroking your face. His hands are soft and gentle against your skin.

He looks at you, "Did you dress like that for me?"

You blush "I wanted to change it up a bit." you say "The dress is not mine, a friend lent it to me."

"You dress simpler, in fact." he agrees "I don't know if I like a different version of you. You are beautiful as you are, even in your simplicity."

"Thank you." you say lowering your gaze for a moment "Now study though, I don't want to bother you."

He smiles at you and then returns to his concentration, you occasionally shake his hand or he shakes your hand, you exchange smiles; the afternoon passes in total simplicity and for you it is splendid like that, perhaps what you need is someone who makes you feel good about the little things.

Jack then takes a little break by going to a cafeteria not far from there, of course he invites you to eat with him and it's another nice moment: with him you get to talk about literature, about authors from contemporary literature, from the Romantic era, with him you even get to draw parallels with contemporary music and authors, in short you get to talk about topics that not everyone understands or is interested in.

"I may perhaps seem premature or perhaps cheeky," he says when he has finished studying for this afternoon and you are both lying on the lawn of the park not far from the library, "but I like you very much." your heart beats hard in your chest "I am perfectly fine with you and I hope it will be the same for you," he adds, intertwining his fingers with yours and bringing your hand close to his lips, he kisses it gently.

You blush visibly, but decide to say something so as not to leave that brief statement of his like that "I'm fine with you too." he smiles at you "Shall we have dinner together tomorrow?" you propose.

He nods, smiling at you.

When he drives you home, you are about to get out of the car, but he stops you by saying your name, you turn around, and he kisses you. He literally rushes against your face, it almost hurt that kiss, he's visibly sweaty and the kiss is salty, but other than that taste, you can't feel anything you hoped for. No heartbeat due to that falling in love that you've been extolling to your friends or telling Joel about and that held you back when you kissed him, no dizziness. Your heart beats yes, but painfully because you realize that maybe you were wrong. Big time.

"Sorry about the kiss." he tells you "I haven't kissed in a long time." he justifies himself.

You smile embarrassed "It's okay. Good night." you tell him as you get off and enter the building.

When you are in your room by now, you slip out of the dress Gina lent you and stow your boots in the shoe rack, slip into your pajamas and think back to the kiss you exchanged with Joel, how much you felt wanted and how much more importantly you wanted that kiss, then you think about the kiss Jack gave you and how you felt nothing. Maybe getting Jack to kiss you was a mistake, not the kiss given to Joel.

You get a message from Gina "So how did it go with Jack?"

"Good. I'll tell u later." you answer very coldly and then lock the phone and put it on charge, you don't feel like talking.

You stare at the ceiling for a long time, then finally fall asleep.

The next morning, you go to work. It's very early and very cold. Your boots produce a resounding shuffling along the still semi-deserted streets of the town. When you get a few yards away, you see Joel standing outside, waiting for the bar to open. That morning it's your turn to open, but he's not there for you because you never told him that you, Helen, Maxime and Sam take turns opening the bar.

When he sees you he lifts his gaze from the floor and his face almost lights up "Hello." he greets you.

That heartbeat, that familiar heartbeat you feel when you see him, begins again.

"Hi." you greet him "Have you been here long?"

"No, 'bout ten minutes. I thought it opened at six." he replies.

Actually, judging by the flushed face it would seem he has been there for at least half an hour, but you decide to ignore that white lie.

"I couldn't get up this morning." you confess to him "I'm sorry you froze." you add, as you slip the key into the deadbolt and then remove it; then, you open the shutter with a clatter "Come." you say with a wave of your hand "I'll turn on the boiler." you warn him, slipping off your jacket and walking to the small dressing room of you barmaids. So you turn on the boiler, which starts immediately with a small puff.

"Done." you say when you return to Joel who greets you with a big smile, "Sorry, but for your coffee you have to wait a while. The engines still need to warm up." you inform him jokingly and smile at him as well.

"No problem. I was anticipating on purpose." you look at him questioningly "By 7:30 I have to be at work." you nod, in the process making those almost automatic gestures "The truth is, I was anticipating on purpose to see you." you look at him "I wanted to know how you were and how it was going with your mother." he adds looking into your eyes.

You go around the counter and sit next to him on the stool, "I'm fine. I mean, we talked and it had never happened. Never. In twenty-nine years I've never felt so free, so understood." you reply, then look him in the eyes "Even though the first person who listened to me, who pushed me to open my eyes was you." you add taking his hands in an uncalculated gesture, in an affectionate gesture "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweety, I didn't do anything special," he tells you, stroking the back of your hand with his calloused thumbs.

You look at his face for a few seconds then lower your gaze for a moment, "I need to tell you one more thing."

Joel tightens his grip on your hands just a little more and then looks at you with an almost icy gaze as if he has already guessed the subject.

"Jack kissed me," you tell him, biting your lower lip softly, "And he told me he liked me a lot."

Joel abruptly lets go of your hands as if he had caught the current and stands up, "Excuse me, but I'm not going to listen to this!" he blurts out, "I'm glad you're happy and that you're clear-headed 'bout it now." you see him nodding as if he's performing an inner struggle, he's about to say and do something, but then he reconsiders, "Now I have to go, um… I'll see you in a couple of days for class." having said that he quickly turns his back on you and leaves.

"And he ran away," you conclude, recounting what happened to your friends.

You are sitting in a small diner downtown at a small circular table with oak benches, and in front of each of you there's a different drink.

"He's obviously jealous, Daddy," says Gina.

"Daddy?! Where do you get off using that obscene nickname, Gina!" exclaims Helen "Well, he's obviously jealous, otherwise he wouldn't have run away." adds your friend.

Kristen twirls the ice cube in her Old - fashioned absently.

"I'm so confused." you add "Maybe I shouldn't have confided in him, maybe I made a mistake in trying to be his friend, in making him a sort of my confidant because he can't. Maybe I should cut it off," you say again.

"What if Jack is the wrong one? Have you thought about that?" interjects Helen "Why are you convinced that Jack is the one? You don't seem to have much transport for him, just look at the way you talk about him."

"Why how do I talk about him?" you ask.

"You talk about Jack as well as an acquaintance who's had a few cents stolen from him," Kristen finally interjects.

"And how do I talk about Joel instead?"

"When you talk about him you revive yourself, you put passion, involvement," Kristen replies again.

"But why don't you spend a night of unrestrained clarifying sex with him?" asks Gina fidgeting on the bench.

You snort, "I think you're the one who has to do it! Gina, Joel and I are nothing, I can't go over there and say, let's have sex, he'd laugh in my face and then he wouldn't want to see me again."

"Why don't you ask him if he can teach you some tricks to use with Jack?" asks Helen.

"But that's kinky!" exclaims Kristen "Poor Joel why should he teach her some sex moves to be with someone else?!"

"Let's keep it down, please," you remind them "You're talking about me and not a bag. Anyway, I agree with Kristen, I'm not going to go to him and tell me to use moves to seduce Jack, absolutely not. It would be monstrous to ask him that, I can't do that," you add, shaking your head.

You couldn't do that to him, it would be cruel! Maybe you could ask him what it would be like to be with a man, what you would have to do, but while you're thinking about that, you're also thinking you wouldn't be able to look him in the eye and make such a proposal.

You see Joel again the next day; he looks tired, but when he sees you his eyes and face obviously marked by fatigue give way to the joy of seeing you, though he tries not to let that happiness drag him down too much. You by now don't even pay attention to the heartbeat that accompanies you when you walk to his house or when you see him, then he offers you coffee, which by now you take.

You ask him about his work while sitting on one of the stools in his kitchen, he talks to you about what he has done and will have to do, he adds a lot of interludes like 'fuck' and 'shit' in his narrative that make you smile, but deep down you like that aspect of Joel too.

You talk most of the time that should instead be devoted to chords or sheet music, but you honestly don't care especially when you have Joel next to you holding your hand or stroking now your hair now your face causing you to shiver all over. The man then asks about your mother and how your relationship is progressing and you tell him she is getting close to a group of religious fervents, she meets in these reading groups, you are worried about her especially when she jumps like that on something she knows nothing about. He just nods and tells you to stay close to her and if you notice too strange attitudes, you should intervene with all your might even if it means making her hate you.

"I wonder what my life, her life, would have been like if my father had not left. I would like to understand what happened that was so bad that he left." you confide to him "Sometimes I wonder what our lives would have been like if he had been there." you add.

"Don't ask yourself these questions," he says, taking your face in his hands, "you only hurt yourself." you are so close again and your heart is beating so fast again, you are afraid he might hear it being so close to you. He has a strange light in his eyes, a light so different, you've never seen it before.

He clears his throat and then urges you, saying, "Let's go play, at least ten minutes."

He plays, you strum, trying to imitate him, but to no avail. Your mind is totally caught up in other thoughts, you feel strange, you can't explain what is happening to you, you have a feeling you've never felt before at the level of your lower abdomen, like something that wants to come out, you don't even know what it is, you just know that at some point you start fidgeting on the couch next to him and look away from him and his hands touching the guitar with delicate precision.

"Are you all right?" he asks you, probably noticing how you move beside him.

"Yes."

"You're all flushed, what's wrong?" he asks wrinkling his forehead.

"Nothing. Really." you reply, but the tone of your voice betrays you.

"What's the matter, baby?" he asks as he puts down his guitar and looks insistently into your face.

You realize it's time to leave, you're like afraid of what you're feeling.

"I have to go." you say splashing off his couch, you hurriedly grabbed your backpack and coat without wearing them and are about to reach the door, but Joel stops you by caging you against the door, your back is still to him, you don't know how to explain what is happening to you.

"Why are you doing this? Why do you want to run away from me now? What have I done to you?" he asks, laying his hands on your shoulders causing intense shivers down your spine. You feel his hands stroking up and down your arms, maybe he wants to reassure you, but it has the opposite effect.

"I would never hurt you, what's going on?" he asks again quietly, making you turn to face him.

"J - Joel… I - I - um, I don't know. It's--" you mumble with your head down.

"Talk to me." he insists calmly, laying a finger under your chin causing you to lift your head toward him.

"I don't know what's happening to me. The truth is, yes I'm dating Jack, but I can't see Jack the way I want to, I talk to him and yes we have things in common, but I can't feel what I want to." you confess to him.

He stares intensely into your eyes only heightening that almost uncomfortable feeling of yours "I'm sorry." he tells you "But why were you running away from me?"

"I don't know," you answer him, "You confuse me. The truth is what's being created between us is something big and it scares me." you confess to him again without being able to look him in the eye "I'm fine with you, but to a part of me that's not enough." you add again "And it scares me because I feel I can't control it."

When you decide to lift your eyes to his face, you find that same look again, that same light as before, you feel you miss your breath, "You don't have to be afraid, whatever it is." he tells you "Y' know, what I think?" you shake your head "I think you've been so used to being in control of every aspect of your life that now the slightest new thing upsets you. Y' know what I say? You have every right to try and fail, try again and fail again." he then says your name softly "You can't be in control of everything all the time. Let yourself go."

"Oh, Joel..." you say laying your hand on his "I'm afraid I'm getting it all wrong." you confess to him "As long as I'm involved and that's all...but I'm afraid I'm pulling too hard with..."

"With your John?" he asks taking a half step toward you and squeezing even tighter between him and the door.

"I can't risk losing everything. It's become too important in such a short time." you answer him without looking at his face, you are talking to yourself, but he doesn't know that. The correct answer would have been Joel, but a part of you still can't say it although his name is on the tip of your tongue.

"I asked you a question," he insists, "Is this about John?"

"Jack." you correct him.

He rolls his eyes in a spaced-out expression "So?"

"Joel, let me go." you make to turn your back on him again, but he places one hand on your hip and the other on the door handle and stops you.

"Who is upsetting you so much?" he whispers in your ear making your skin crawl "John or is i' me?" he asks you again tightening his grip just a little more.

"I won't have the courage to look at your face after that," you warn him, but at the same time you answer him. You swallow, closing your eyes, the truth perhaps being this: you are afraid of losing his friendship because of your total confusion.

"You can talk to me about it, I'm not like that little boy you like so much." he prods you "I'm not one to run away in the face of difficulties or in the face of even the most unpleasant words or deeds."

"Okay." you nod turning toward him, swallow and then you tell him making an effort to look him in the eye and sound firm in your words and the tone of voice you use "I can't see you as just my teacher, you have become more, you are more than a friend, I don't know however how to see you, how to define you, I just know that being with you confuses me, I'm fine, but at the same time I would like to run away because I'm afraid of doing or saying something stupid, inappropriate, of not knowing when it's time to do something and when not. I am afraid of losing this bond that has been created with you because of my total inexperience. I don't know what to do when you look at me like that, I don't know what to do..."

He pulls his hand away from the door handle and your side and wraps your face in his hands "Y' know very well I'd never do anything you don't want, I'd never force you into doing or saying what you don't feel. I don't expect anything. I don't care whether you are experienced or not. For me you are perfect just the way you are." he tells you looking into eyes you feel pinch "I don't demand that you choose me or want to be with me, but I want you to know I am there for you. As a friend, as a confidant, in whatever way you want. And I'll respect your choice. What matters is your happiness, not my wishes or hopes. There is your life in the way, you are so young and you have so many dreams to give, so many experiences to live. My life is a mess, but now the point is not my life as much as yours. So," he says wiping away two timid tears that had begun to line your face "I want you to choose what is best for you, whether it's John, whether it's me or whoever." he kisses your forehead "If you want to go, at least cover yourself first." he concludes by moving his hands away from your face, takes a step back and then returns to the living room.

If you were experienced, you'd have chased him down and kissed him with the whole ardor you possessed, but instead you find yourself putting on your coat, gloves, scarf and hat and walking away.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel tlou #joel miller hbo #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #the last of us hbo #joel miller self insert #the last of us #joel fic #the last of us fanfiction #joel the last of us #pedro pascal #pedro pascal as joel miller #smut #joel x f!reader #joel x female reader #joel x you #dom!joel #dom!joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #soft!joel miller #bittersweet ff

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hehe imagine if you’re the BSD characters’ favorite fictional character too and you’re supposed to die in your own universe and that’s why they’re so obsessed with protecting you

We will protect you

Self-Aware! Atsushi Nakajima x GN! Reader x Self-Aware! Akutagawa Ryunosuke

Description: BSD gang learned, that you are a fictional character in their world. And, if book tell the truth, you will die. They want to protect you. Especially two of your bodyguards.

But, maybe, the situation is not, what it seems.

Warning: OOC. Yandere. Bad friends. English is my second language.

__________

Purple moon shined above Yokohama.

And Kirako Haruno finally become truly self-aware.

It was not only the great day for ADA, but for all BSD cast in general. And they have the reason for it.

Apparently, while Kirako was in... stasis, she was connected to the world of Their Guiding Light. And she heard their conversations and can tell more about Their Guiding Light.

Almost all characters, except Aya and Bram, who decide to finish reading the book and promise to join others later, were sitting in the meeting room. Kirako was sitting at the head of the table. She started talking.

"Their name is [Y/N] [L/N]. They are [age]..."

Kirako talked and talked. But some characters became more and more confused.

Naomi was the first one, who spoke: "Don't [Y/N] sounds familiar? I am pretty sure, I have heard about a person with same name, looks and interests."

More people nodded. Yes... It was something familiar with this description.

Suddenly, Katai facepalmed.

"I know. [Y/N] is the name of one of the characters from 'Love-love adventures of lovers in the dark. Sanctify life with the power of love'! One of the secondary ones!"

'Love-love adventures of lovers in the dark. Sanctify life with the power of love' was a book series, that was popular in their world, even before they gain self-awareness. And, for some reason, was still available to read even after their world become empty. It was a romance novel. Cliché storm, except [Y/N], secondary character of the novel. They were interesting, funny, kind. And much better than Main Characters.

BSD Cast start talking with each other. It was nice to know, that Their Guiding Light are also their favorite book character.

And then they heard sobs.

Aya walk inside the meeting room, carrying Bram and the book they were reading before. Girl was crying. Bram looks displeased.

Aya ignored questions of 'if she is okay' and 'what happened'. Aya, with the help from Kunikida, put Bram in his hammock, that was created specifically for him.

Now she was just standing there, holding the book in her arms. Crying.

And, suddenly, Aya threw the book on the ground. It was a copy of 'Love-love adventures of lovers in the dark. Sanctify life with the power of love'. Aya stomped on the book a few times.

"Idiot author! How dare you! How dare you to do this to [Y/N]!"

Bram grumble:

"Agree, child. The Author really has a lack of brains, morality and common sense."

Junichirou, who hurry to Aya's side, to calm her down, stopped in his tracks. Everyone was looking at Aya.

"What happened to [Y/N], Aya. Can you tell us, please?"

Aya nodded and pointed at the book.

"In the last chapter, [Y/N] have died! And their death make Main Characters realized that they love each other! But they didn't even cry for [Y/N], and their family, friends and others didn't care that [Y/N] are..."

Aya couldn't take it anymore and start crying.

The silence in the room can be cut with a knife...

"Kirako, did the book's events already started?" asked Fukuzawa. He looked concerned and determined at the same time.

Kirako shook her head.

"No. They haven't."

Fukuzawa hums.

"We still have time. But we must hurry."

_____________

Meanwhile, in your world

_____________

You are sure, that you need new friends.

Because with current ones, you won't need enemies.

Few months ago, your friends decided to participate in the competition. They should write a summary for a Light Novel. Reward - having their 'book' 'canonized' in favorite manga as a popular in-universe book series. And these idiots decided to make the book as personal as they can.

By writing about them.

Your friends have won. Now the 'magnum opus' were cannon in Bungou Stray Dogs universe.

You were furious. Not because they won. Because of one character.

One of the characters were based on you, despite the fact, that you told them multiple times that you don't want to participate and not okay with sharing your information with thousands of strangers.

The Characters have your name, age, appearance and interests.

You tried to talk to your friends, so they removed this character from the book. No response.

You tried to talk to people, who arranged the competition. No response.

At the end, you were a fictional character in BSD.

You hoped, that people on The Internet won't start post theories about LN plot and characters.

Also, you phone were going crazy

It seems, it wanted to make sure you are alive and breathing. Reminders to drink water, take meds, go for a walk, no jaywalking...

What a crazy day.

_______________

🐾 After learning, that 'you' will die in your universe, BSD gang will double their efforts in finding a way to you.

🐾 It's unclear, when the events of the book will start, so they must hurry.

🐯🧥 Akutagawa and Atsushi will double their training, so they can protect you.

🐯🧥 You won't die. They won't allow it.

________

Few months later

______________

You were sitting in the middle of the room. All BSD characters were sitting around you. Kids, Aya, Elise and Q were sitting near you, hugging you. Kids were scared, that you will disappear at any given time. You groaned. You had a headache. Not only BSD gang were self-aware and in your apartment, but they were sure that you will die.

"Let me get this straight. In the book from your world, I am the character of a light novel, right? And my character dies in the end, right?"

Aya, who was squeezing your hands, nodded.

"Yes! And it would be awful!"

You take a quick look at the other. All of them were concerned. And you saw a really unfriendly gaze of Akutagawa. Ryuunosuke stand up and walked towards the door. Atsushi followed him.

"I will deal with Main Characters from the book. They were the reason of your death. I will protect you." growls Akutagawa. Atsushi send you encouraging smile.

"Don't worry, [Y/N], Akutagawa and I will make sure, that they won't hurt you. I promise, we won't torture them."

It seems everyone, even Dazai, was fine with it.

You can't let this happen. Your friends are idiots. And they have ignored you. But it's not the reason to kill them.

Now, you have to stop Akutagawa Ryunosuke and Atsushi Nakajima.

You leaped forward, thankfully, you didn't hurt Aya, Elise and Q. You managed to wrap your right arm around Akutagawa's right leg and left arm around Atsushi's left leg. Then you found yourself being pulled forward.

"Wait, stop, please! Let me explain!"

Akutagawa and Atsushi take a few more steps, before stopping in their tracks. You looked at them, your arms were still wrapped around their legs.

"It's not what you all think! It's all a big misunderstanding!"

After three of you were back on your sits, you start talking.

"Okay... Let me explain, what happened. Few months ago, my friends decided to took part in..."

______

One explanation later

______

"So it's not a prophecy. It's just my friends been idiots"

BSD cast were silent. You show them the adverts for competition, comments, your messages for your friends and other evidence.

Atsushi asked, looking at you.

"So... Are you sure you don't want us to teach your friends a lesson?"

You want to say no. But... They ignored you, share your personal information with thousands of people. But still... Maybe, you shouldn't be petty and let them...

"What is Official [Y/N] Gore fanfic?" asked Q. You turned towards Q. Kids get a hold of your laptop and start looking an information about the competition.

And find an official site, that your friends were running.

Elise clicked on one of the titles.

"Hm? 'Love-love adventures of lovers in the dark. Sanctify life with the power of love' and 'Hostel' crossover featuring [Y/N]? What it's about?"

Before she can read even one word from the fanfic, you grab the laptop and take it away from the kids. You were shaking. Because of disgust and fear.

You take a look at the site. Your friends were posting fanfics about their 'magnum opus'

Some of the fanfics were about you.

NSFW fanfics.

You looked at Akutagawa and Atsushi.

"Is the offer of teaching them a lesson still available?"

__________

At the end, after spending a few months in a hospital, your friends deleted the site. They post an apology letter and even compensate you for mental damage they have done.

When your friends were asked, what happened to them, they were silent. It's not like someone would believe that they were attacked by a white tiger and dragon-like demonic beast.

BSD cast were still protective over you. Especially Atsushi and Akutagawa. But, at least, no one will hurt you. With words or actions.

#self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungou stray dogs #gender neutral reader #bsd anime #yandere #Self-Aware Akutagawa Ryunosuke #Self-Aware Atsushi Nakajima #atsushi nakajima x reader #akutagawa ryunosuke x reader

[lady-banana]

Since I finally had the courage to start posting, I had to talk about this before anything.

Albert and William's relationship. (Hopefully Louis next 'cause he deserves so much more than what he gets in the manga)

This is really long so you may wanna scroll and move on👍, but if you are prepared to read through a probably hour-long ramble of these two then you're welcome and very much appreciated 🫶

⚠️Mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts⚠️

Chapters 62-63 discusses it anyway so let's go by them:

Before William, Albert was sickened by the way society operates (the whole "upper class is yay and working class is ew" system). He tries to change things locally, since, as a child, his changes were small, helping out at the church, buying the kids at the orphanage books and donating money (in this case, asking his father?) for necessities.

He knows he, alone, can't change it and is actually satisifed with the fact that whatever he does would still make things better, even if a little.

His views about himself change when he comes across a man who stole bread. He pays for everything that man has stolen and gets him a job (at the church/orphanage), believing he had done the right thing. What does that man do? Try and steal the silver cutlery Albert brought for the church.

(Side note: I love the refrence to Les Miserables, a favourite french novel of mine, in which the mc Jean Val Jean steals bread but the kind Bishop of the town sees him and pays for everything Jean has stolen. The Bishop gives him a home, but Jean ends up repaying him by stealing the Bishop's treasured silver cutlery. Now that sounds familiar, huh. Jean is caught by the police and brought to the bishop to confirm whether or not Jean is lying about the bishop "giving him the cutlery". Instead of confirming that Jean was lying, the Bishop smiles and says yes he gave them to him, and proceeds to give him a pair of silver candle-stands saying "You left in such a hurry you forgot these". Concluding, Jean promises himself to live an honest, better life after meeting someone like the Bishop. (Jean becomes a symbol of equality between the nobles and the commoners, helping the poor and never patronizing it)

Albert hopes his actions are seen as that of the Bishop for someone. That someone would be so moved by Albert granting them a second chance, that the person would become better and try to better the world as well, and so he does that for the man. Though that backfires horribly, and the man kills someone/himself (it wasn't clear in the translations I read if he unalived himself or someone else).

This takes such a big toll on Albert mentally he decides he's the "wrong" one born into the wrong world, not the "right" one born into a wrong world. So he decides to unalive himself (reading that ch. for the first time hurt). But doesn't have the courage to, which makes him feel worst.

WILLIAM FINALLY COMES INTO THE PICTURE AND SAVES HIM IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE AND THE WAY THE WHOLE PANEL JUST GOES FROM DARK TO BRIGHT? ALBERT'S EYES ARE SO CLEAR UNLIKE THE PREVIOUS PANELS WHERE THEY ARE DARKENED.

William not only returns Albert's beliefs that the world itself is wrong, he affirms it, and the fact they haven't even spoken yet when this happened says alot about what's to come.

"He existed, here in the same world, someone with the same soul I had"

Excuse me while I sob about how much I love the characters' interactions and relationships in this series.

Anyways, Albert investigates him and finds out about the trial William won (that's a topic for another day for sure because that trial was lowkey funny to me). He realizes William is the one with the courage to change the world. And so he talks to him, and William's response further lightens up Albert.

WE'RE BACK ON WILLIAM BEING A SUN THING AGAIN, WILLIAM'S LIGHT NOT ONLY SHONE ON ALBERT. HIS BODY AND SOUL HAVE BEEN "BURNED" BY IT.

Ahem anyways, even though William had the "wisedom" and "courage" Albert desired, the "courage" wasn't enough to make that ideal a reality (at that time, Albert didn't actually believe William was serious about killing). He, Albert himself, also lacked that courage and wisedom.

That's why, he asks of William to give it to him, the courage, not just courage, but the courage necessary to kill and continue to do so until the ideal world is achieved. As well as the wisedom to achieve that ideal world through these killings. (since obviously killing without a thorough plan would just be pointless mass-murdering)

Now William leads the way for Albert by killing Albert's biological brother, og William, and I headcannon (since we don't see William's face while he kills for the first time) that William sucked it up and (maybe) showed Albert a relaxed/nonchalant face to make Albert feel better about doing what he wanted to do for sometime now but couldn't. With profound courage, Albert choked his mother to death.

Friendly reminder for the next few ones that William is canonically a "kind child".

Here Albert's interpetation of William as a child is a bit off (William later kindly refutes the whole "making no distinction between good and evil"). But it goes to show how Albert saw William, and seeing him in this kind of light heavies the guilt of what he asked of him.

I loved all the religious references in this chapter but the forbidden fruit Adam and Eve had is my favourite.

This panel ALONE says alot about just how important and precious William is to Albert. Albert also places more guilt on himself by saying that he ignored William's "screams" even when he knew. But the fact Albert knew in itself says alot because if there is one thing William never discloses about himself, it's what burdens and saddens him, so Albert and ONLY Albert knowing shows how much William trusts him. (again, William later states that Albert was actually the closest one to know of William's true grief AND comfort him).

Albert finaly realizes. The courage and wisedom he "borrowed" from William wasn't a one-time thing he used to take his first steps. All this time, he has been using it as a light leading his way and now that William is gone, he's lost again.

ALSO I MIGHT BE TAKING THIS TOO FAR (it's getting too much but I am an overthinker🤷‍♀️) BUT THE WHOLE LEFT CORNER PART OF THE PANEL BEING DARK AND THE "DOOR" SIDE BEING THE ONLY LIGHTED/WHITE SPOT. AND THE FACT THE ONE BEHIND THE DOOR IS WILLIAM. IT'S LIKE IT'S JUST YET ANOTHER INDICATION THAT WILLIAM IS ALBERT'S LIGHT.

Thank you lots for staying with me, it geuinely makes me happy knowing people, even if there are few, who share my enthusiasm are out there <3.

#albert james moriarty #william james moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty #moriarty the patriot #mtp #yuumori #yuumori spoilers #moriarty #I love William's relationship with everyone #like he has a special unique relationship with each one of the main moriarty gang #i love him and albert sm #I am increasingly becoming concerned about myself #convincing myself this is a healthy obsession #feel free to share any opinions on this!

[ghelgheli]

17! but also using the opportunity of the ask game to get to know more about the effortless worldbuilding in sff :)

from the end-of-year book ask

17: Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I think Three Body Problem is the only one meeting this condition this year so I'll have no trouble staying on topic :> but I'm gonna specifically talk about "hard" SF as I conceive of it—I haven't read any analysis so this may just be a jumble of improvised thoughts.

SF, being "speculative" fiction, of course has to take on the problem of speculating and of presenting things that don't (and perhaps cannot) happen. On average this is accomplished thru a healthy combination of scientific grounding and good-natured handwaving: I drop a few sentences about "quantum entanglement" and you go along with my ansible, or you tell me about "positronic circuits" and I agree that you can make a brain with them. This is the compact that makes SF work because you fundamentally cannot expect speculation without, well, ceding ground on reality.

But at least a subset of SF readers are of the kind to really want to grok how it is that this or that scientific feature of the world works or may come about. Every contraption and novel technology is like a puzzle to be riddled out. This is the place where speculation becomes sincere mechanical prediction, and it's why I love hard SF.

This subset of readers can be matched to a subgenre of writers who commit fully to filling in as many blanks in their technological, biological, etc. speculation as possible. The rows of astronomical data can't be left vague—tell me what frequency of light we're dealing with here—xenobiology isn't taken for granted—what is the neurology of your aliens??—and so on. The dots are connected, the rest of the owl is drawn for real, the image is made crisp. Like fireworks for the reader's brain.

When this kind of worldbuilding is executed well imo it looks effortless. Looks, not is, because behind every explanation of near-c travel is hours of research into at least special relativity and time dilation, along with calculations by-hand. Behind every account of an exoplanet's atmosphere is probably a few papers perused on the subject and several articles on scientific american. Peter Watts, in the note at the end of Blindsight, includes a fucking bibliography of a hundred or so references as well as thank-yous to many an academic he split handles of liquor with. And this is only the visible fragment of what has to be a library of knowledge accumulated both passively and actively to make a speculated world feel as concretely plausible as possible.

None of this is necessary for good SF. The aforementioned compact means any author can opt out of this commitment at any time. But it's what it takes to make tightly-written hard SF, where your conceptual hands are kept diligently at your side, waving an idea through maybe once every five chapters when you have no other choice.

So anyway, Three Body Problem is a tour de force in doing this and doing it cleanly. It uses a storytelling device a lot of hard SF employs to make it work: rather than stuffing dense exposition into narration (at which point, just read the source papers) it deploys a cast of characters who more than anything else, really know their shit. We get exposition trickle-fed through experts who are trying, along with us, to make sense of their novel environments and unfamiliar technologies using their knowledge of the present limits of human understanding. This is what Watts does in Blindsight too, by the way: a claustrophobic ship crewed by technical specialists makes first contact, so everyone has something encyclopedic to say about everything and it's only natural.

What astounded me about Cixin Liu's writing is that he made it work just when I least thought he would be able to. I was sure I was being shown things completely inexplicable and necessarily supernatural until he went and explained them in plain terms; better yet, he explained them in ways that made so much sense in retrospect that I was kicking myself for not seeing the answer. This has exactly the flavour of a good puzzle.

The trade-off hard SF makes is that you are often limited in the metaphorical/thematic work you can do through your speculation. I think the contrast between "calendrical science" in Yoon Ha Lee's Machineries of Empire series and Asimov's "psychohistory" illustrates this well.

Yoon Ha Lee has mathematical training, and calendrical science is a speculative field consisting of theorems, conjectures, proofs, etc. in the language of mathematics that stand in for cultural hegemony and power projection. This makes for a great operationalization of soft power: space is filled and distorted by the quantifiable effects of whatever regime is dominant there (the "calendar" here being synecdoche for culture writ large). But obviously he can't fill in the blanks of how a calendar causes spacetime distortions that specifically make one side's weapons more effective, or provide certain formations with shielding effects. This is, I guess, semi-hard (lol) SF—you can see how it's supposed to work, but it's clear that it just won't. What you get in return is pretty politically interesting storytelling.

Psychohistory is the converse: a deterministic-enough lovechild of economics and sociology explained in the Foundation series as using all the familiar methods of linear algebra and differential equations together with unfamiliar innovations of just how to quantify human behaviour in order to make reliable predictions. There are entire chapters dedicated to explaining the conceptual nuance that went into developing psychohistory ("the hand on thigh principle" from prelude to foundation is just about how the theory resolves divergence by reducing insignificant terms to zero) and an entire book to exploring one of its limitations. It's fascinating to read. But you also get little narrative depth out of it, because hard SF, even when done well, is not guaranteed to make a story thematically interesting or politically compelling. This is the Three Body Problem problem too: its political commitments are threadbare and unserious because that's just not what it's about. I couldn't recommend it on those terms, but that's not what I like so much about it. I will say the conceptualization goes a little off the rails in the final chapters, but I think most SF authors were in some kind of string theory inspired fugue state at the time.

What I would love to see (and I'm sure exists) is hard SF that also has interesting politics. Unfortunately that's an intersection of two already-narrow intersections.

ty for ask✨🐐

#ask answer #idk if that's what u were asking about but. well. #got some sleepy thoughts out #also this is not to say that there isn't tons of research in “soft” SF #it's just that it would be a different kind of research and a different library of knowledge

[hualian-fic-recs]

I'm alive/Fanfic Asks

Hey sorry I've been silent for so long. To be completely honest, Hualian and tgcf aren't the only types of fanfic I read, so I go down rabbit holes with other pairings for a while.

Anyway, I've been sitting on some asks for a while hoping I could answer them one day, but alas. I am turning them over to the public to see if others can help!

@nostalgiatyrant asks:

Hi again 👋 Im looking for another fic, but this time, the description comes from a friend. They said that “after the altar scene wu ming takes care of xie lian as he heals. Xie lian is like traumatized and dazed mostly so wu ming is doing his best commanding weaker ghosts and etc” It was a tweet, in case you haven’t seen it, and tbh, I love this idea so much— if you find any fics like it at all Id love to read them

Maybe: For you, I'll become invincible by HanaSheralHaminail. 177k, M, WIP. all the spoilers

Maybe: no light, no light by NeithOfTheVeil. 11k, T, spoilers

Maybe: A Long and Slow Recovery by ardenrabbit. WIP

@sineofu asks:

Hello , can you recommend m some fics where the heavenly official realise that hua Cheng have returned or a fic timed after his return. Thank you

anonymous asks:

Is there any fanfics where like the puqi villagers think that they are single and something happens?

anonymous asks:

Can u tell me if there is any hualian Spiderman au fics?? I saw a few fanarts and fell in love with them.

@uwuchengsbab asks:

Do you know any fics where Hua Cheng prays to Xie Lian before his 3rd ascension (during those 800 years) and Xie Lian hears him? Something angsty with a happy ending? I’ve already read what faith provides by parsnipit and it kinda sounds like falling in love by FlowerCitti but was wondering if you knew more?

Maybe: Dearly Departed by IlluminatingSceadugenga. WIP

@bri-bri1222 asks:

I was wondering if there are any fice where HC and XL are in a DDLB relationship and just filled with cuteness and fluff.

anonymous asks:

There's this Hualian fanfic I've never been able to find no matter what. I don't know if the tags are obscure or what. But the premise is that Xie Lian is cursed or to relive his worst injury over and over again at random moments and therefore the Hundred Swords wounds opens on his body unexpectedly and suddenly. The story is very hurt/comfort between Hualian and Hua Chrng looks after him and heals him. A plot point is that it happens in front of Mu Qing/Feng Xin at a temple and they discover the truth about what happened and take Xie Lian to Hua Cheng. I beleve it's multi-chapter. Ling Wen and Jun Wu also make appearances.

Maybe: Old Wounds and Old Friends by HoundsofCerberus. 4k, T, all the spoilers

Similar: A Splinter in the Heart by theearlymorningmist. 14k, T, spoilers

@theladypeartree asks:

Hello!! This might be a tricky one as I'm not sure it exists! Have you or any of your followers found any fics that have A-Yuan and Guzi friendship? I've found many crossovers, but not with the kiddos! Thank you for your hard work! ❤

anonymous asks:

Big spoilers for the later novels in this one: Hey there, I was wondering if there was any fics in which Xie Lian goes through with calling down the human face plague on Yong'an. I can't recall finding any and I'm not sure how to start looking. Thanks!

he who walks in sorrow by atomic muffin. 7k, M, read warnings!

Ok these are some I have been searching around for and haven't found much yet. If anyone has recs I would be grateful!

#heaven official's blessing #hualian #tgcf #hua cheng #xie lian #hualianficrec #tian guan ci fu #fanfic asks

[prince-kallisto]

Malleus expelled from NRC?

Malleus, in addition to having had his Overblot by choice, has been the one who has caused the most danger to everyone so far. Although, as time is still, there is no material loss, and everyone woke up where they were. Let's face it, the risk was serious, as it was putting people's lives at risk (if we consider what Ortho said, which I find bizarre considering that time stopped, so the everyone's body should be suspended). Of course, even so, the people of the island of the wise could spend centuries sleeping, lose relatives and acquaintances, and become disconnected from the current time (that is if Malleus doesn't put the world to sleep). And ignorant of these factors, several forces are mobilizing, such as S.T.Y.X. Outside, the islands surrounding the island of wise men were evacuated. That's quite a problem, besides, Malleus' reputation will be elegantly ruined if his identity is revealed to the Media. I seriously hope his identity has been in secret and only the people who are resolving the situation know. Although everyone at Lilia's party saw it... Still, students don't have as much of a voice as the authorities. So I hope they don't reveal the identity of Malleus as the person responsible for the situation on the island of the wise men. Why his reputation goes where Judas lost his boots.

I haven't read the light novel, but I saw that people commented. It looks like Riddlr almost got kicked out in volume 1. If he almost got kicked out by an accidental Overblot. I can't even imagine a purpose....

This is so true!! Σ੧(❛□❛✿) I really loved the detail in the novel that yeah- Overblot had a BUNCH of realistic consequences such as being expelled and being ostracized by everybody. Although this has never been a problem in the game, the sheer scale of Malleus’ damage- ESPECIALLY when all the faculty and staff were there to witness it- makes this an entirely different case. Plus, the scale of the damage of the Overblots have been getting more dangerous overtime…

But since a Book 8 is very likely, which means the Diasomnia crew will be involved with us, perhaps something DOES happen to Malleus 🧐

Because in the Book 7 trailer, doesn’t Malleus look…frightened? Specifically when the thread “snaps” and Silver wakes up…I think there’s going to be a lot more to his arc than we think. Specifically, he will be the one in danger.

Something that’s been making me suspicious are the VERY hidden Coffins/gates behind Malleus, because he is caged up in thorns. I’ve heard some people say the cage looks like a crown- which I agree! But…doesn’t it also look like a birdcage?

Why hide the coffins in the background? Why the shape of this cage? The coffins have repeatedly been told to keep students inside three unconscious, and can only be opened by a SPECIAL KEY that Crowley has. This, plus the BIRD cage…it has me unsettled.

Overall, this is a very excellent point, because there will definitely be a “greater evil” than Malleus ಠ_ಠ And considering his importance and foreshadowing in the official art, I wonder if he will be the target or a “sacrifice” for someone with greater goals. Thanks for the ask, I love hearing your theories!! 💞💞💞🐦‍⬛

#ask kallisto #twst theory #twst malleus #twst malleus draconia #malleus draconia #KallistoPost

[rimbaud-fan-page]

Read the Fifteen Light Novel and also I hate you Bones

Studio Bones looooooves screwing BSD over, and nothing is more indicative of this than the anime adaptation of Fifteen (except maybe Dazai's entrance exam because what the fuck was that).

To be fair, they did an okay job. It's nowhere near as good as the light novel but there were some changes that I did like; the soukoku hand-hold was one of them, Rimbaud's ability changing from red to gold was good, and like....very little else.

But contrasting the pros with the cons gives an OVERWHELMINGLY negative outcome, because dear lord???? The sheer amount of things they managed to mess up is borderline impressive. And it all leads back to their bastardisation of Rimbaud.

For those who haven't read the Light Novel (but assuredly will after this), Rimbaud's motivation is to kill Chuuya and absorb his memories. Why? To find his partner.

What partner you ask???

Why, were the few lines where Rimbaud offhandedly mentions his partner in passing not enough?

No???

Not ringing any bells????

See that would be because Bones REMOVED HIS ENTIRE FUCKING MOTIVATION????

Meaning all his lines about his partner? Gone. All his reasoning and character and personality? Aufwiedersen.

But why does this matter? Rimbaud is a fairly minor character as BSD goes, and whilst I love and adore him with all my heart, what damage does a couple cut lines do?

More than you could know.

Rimbaud is the main antagonist of this arc, therefore when he is misconstrued, the arc itself falls apart, his impact on Soukoku is gone, the stakes are gone, everything SUCKS (maybe I'm being petty but shush).

The gall Bones had to do this is beyond me, because tell me how they removed the antagonists ENTIRE GOAL and expected it to turn out well???? The thing that sets Rimbaud (and all BSD antagonists) apart from an average run-of-the-mill-villain is that he has a goal, and it's personal. He doesn't want to take over the mafia, although he has the clear means to, he doesn't want to blackmail Mori or betray him or gain any kind of power, he just wants his partner back.

Not only that, Rimbaud's relationship with his partner is a fantastic parallel to the relationship within Soukoku, Rimbaud himself has many aspects to his character that connect back to Dazai and Chuuya, which is why that last fight is SO IMPORTANT for them as both individuals and a duo.

Rimbaud and Dazai have a similar disconnect from the world around them and their internal emotions. Dazai is encouraged by Mori to view others as pawns, and has trouble connecting with his emotions, whereas Rimbaud deliberately does not acknowledge his emotions, as he believes they will interfere with his work. On the other hand, Chuuya is exceedingly loyal to his friends, and is able to understand Rimbaud's reasoning, as he would also do anything for his friends, just as Rimbaud is sacrificing everything to find out what happened to his partner.

Also, Rimbaud is a transcendent, one of the most powerful ability users in Europe, and yet two Fifteen year olds were able to beat him??? Either he's weak, or those are some insane fifteen year olds, and the light novel makes it clear it is not the former. Rimbaud is incredibly strong and clever, he often predicts Dazai's plans, and is able to counteract them. But he still lost, because he was up against Soukoku.

Their first victory and it's a BIG one.

And back on the topic of Rimbaud's partner, he isn't even named in the anime, why does he matter???

Paul Verlaine matters to me <3333

And in the main plot and lore of BSD too but whatever ig, I mean it's not like he's an inciting character that creates a situation that is vital to both Dazai and Chuuya's development and also changes what we understand about abilities or anything.

Not to mention Bones cut out so much of what makes Rimbaud entertaining?? I love him, but he's so boring in the anime, because they took out everything and made a cardboad cutout of a man.

He's so stupid I love him so much <33

In conclusion; Light novel good, read light novel, please please pretty please

#arthur rimbaud #bsd arthur rimbaud #bungou stray dogs #bsd #rimlaine #soukoku #bsd analysis #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #bsd manga #bsd anime #bsd fifteen

[take-everything-you-can]

Helllooooo Eddie blurb idea!!

It's a trope but always one of my favourites - Eddie has a nightmare and needs reader to comfort him? ✨️

Oh God I love this idea, an insomniac who has hella nightmares !! Say Less! I took my sleeping meds so this has not been edited at all. I just wanted to at least get this out before a delirious haze started to set in, before the words started to make no sense to me but alas ..... Thank you so much for this blurb idea my inbox is always open for more !!! Love ya ! @like-what-the-fuck-scoob

Pairing : Eddie Munson x Fem reader

Word count: 1k

TW: I don't think there are any but if you see any please let me know. I do put all my writing under 18+Minors DNI no matter what !!! There is some slight angst but this is truly all Fluff .

Black Clouds and falling ash the swarm came faster and faster no matter how much he willed his feet to move. Vines scattered the ground like veins wrapping into the earth as ivy would the side of a house. All it took for him to lose his footing was a look back over his shoulder and it was already too late. With a searing pain to his abdomen and another to his shoulder, the swarm of Demobats lightly lifted as their teeth sank into Eddie's skin through his flesh and finding bone, a body thrown to the ground as a defense to make their enemy immobilized and Eddie thought of you. The last thing he thought of was you. 

Gasping for air as he shot up, body drenched in sweat, sheets damp. He notices you still haven't made it to bed. A few hours ago he had left you in the living room of your newly shared home with the light of a lamp and a good book he had bought you a few days prior. You had told him how excited you were to start it and his body had been plagued with exhaustion, normally he would have stayed next to you cracking the worn spine of his own novel in hand but he could just barely keep his eyes open then, now he was wide awake. 

He wrapped the quilt off the bed around himself as he made his way down a small hallway and into the living room finding you exactly where he had left you , except this time when he rounded the corner you had a mug of tea and a plate filled with bits of cheese and crackers. A small snack to nibble while you read. 

You only pried yourself away from your book as you felt the cushion of the seat next to you dip with Eddie's body weight. 

“Hey Babe.” Closing your book you set it down on the coffee table. He hums in your direction looking to the floor refusing to meet your eyes. “ Eds ? You okay? You upset I didn't go to bed with you ?” He wasn’t , he couldn’t even remember a time he had even been mad at you. Something he cherished, you just got him, understood what he thought was damage. You had your fair share of tough times. Something you both had in common from the start was how hard it was to let people into your life and to put trust into those people. But the second that you did,  he knew instantly he loved you, even if it did take him five years and almost dying to tell you, but before he could reassure you of that, you started up again.

“I’m sorry I know it’s late.” looking at your wrist the time flashed three fifteen a.m. “ Really late but I just got so wrapped up in this book.” He opens his arms, taking and pulling you across his lap and into the blanket cocoon with him, he nuzzles his face into your hair as he takes a few deep breaths breathing in the delicate waves of coconut and rose, a combination of shampoo and conditioner you liked to use. 

“ I had the nightmare again.” You pull away from him slightly as you place a hand on either side of his face. 

“ Hey It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m okay. See? “ You take one of his hands and hold it over your heart and let him feel the rhythm of the beat and then place it over his own letting him feel his own letting him see that his sounded  just as strong as your own. As his breathing begins to catch his lashes begin to fill with unshed tears letting only one fall over the curve of his cheek, but a swift mover of your fingers wipe the tear away before it can settle along his jaw and take its fall to his neck. “ We made it out of that hellscape okay? We Have A beautiful home, An alive set of friends for your sacrifices , we had the most amazing wedding , wayne is good , life is good and we are here. Me and you, always and forever.” 

“ Always and forever.” A sounded call to the words that left your lips and a small smile crawled across his face. “ Can you come to bed now? I don’t want to go back in  there alone.” It made your heart seize the words that came from him in a soft plea and silent please on his tongue. 

“Anything for you Eds.”  He lifted you both off of the couch in a bridal hold as he started to round the corner he first appeared from, stopping only to lean you down just enough to shut the lamp on the table beside the couch off. 

Sliding you into the sheets of your bed he walked to his side as you threw your shorts off  to the side, opting to sleep in one of Eddie's old worn out band tees and underwear. 

He tossed the quilt back onto the bed letting you get enough around yourself before wrapping an arm around your waist pulling you into his space. Weaving the other beneath your head, finding the hand you would prop under your chin when you slept and fitting his fingers against yours he started to feel whole again . Like the bats didn’t take anything from him at all , with your back flush against his chest he felt as if you were one being not two separate souls.

You started to hum a song , one that always made your anxieties soften and you hoped now it would do the same for Eddie. 

The notes of once upon a dream started to sooth you and you could feel Eddie's body soften and tension ease as the song went on. A small breath to your neck was the only sign that gave away he was still fighting sleep. You tried to match his breathing, finding your own body was becoming lax within his hold. A small whisper before your eyes found the black static behind your lids, a barely audible “ Always and forever .” An echo instinct before slipping completely.

“Always and forever.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson fluff x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader

[hannigramislife]

I feel like Dazai's relationship with Akutagawa is misunderstood. Dazai cares about Akutagawa, he just doesn't know how how to be kind like Odasaku. In the dark age light novel (THEY DIDNT SHOWNIT IN THE ANIME AND IT MADE ME WANNA CRY) but Dazai constantly brags about him to Oda AND DOES SHOW HOW HES PROUD OF HIM AFTER A JOB.

"I executed him." Akutagawa (page 77)

"You defeated an unyielding, formidable enemy and protected your allies, Akutagawa. Good work." Dazai (page 77)

I feel it important to note that Dazai's tone was sarcastic during most of this, while he was annoyed with akutagawa because he had messed up Dazai's elaborate plan to get information, he was genuinely impressed with Akutagawa. He only hit Akutagawa after he had started to talk back claiming that torture methods were more effective than interrogation.

(talking to Oda) "Akutagawa-he's like a sword without a sheath." Dazai grinned from ear to ear. "He'll surely become Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant-future, but for now he needs someone who can teach him how to put that sword away." (page 95)

BUT THIS IS THE AHXHHAHXBA PART WHEN ODA THINKS JUST AFTER DAZAI SAYS THIS "I was surprised. I've never heard Dazai openly speak so highly of one of his men like that before"

THERES SO MUCH MORE OF THIS BOOK THAT SHOWS THEIR COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP BUT IT JUST MAKES ME ANNOYED WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE "Dazai doesn't care about Akutagawa!"

ANYWAYS PLS GO READ OR REREAD DARK ERA ITS SO GOOD AND IF YOUVE SEEN THE ANIME AND THINK YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IK DARK ERA, NO. NO YOU DONT. READ THE BOOK

Hii! Thank you for reaching out to me! I love discussing topics with people ^^

Alright, so I haven't read the book, but those two moments you mentioned *were* in the anime, though maybe the tonality was changed and off, which is so sad! Correct interpretation is important!!

I do tend to go off in my tumblr according to my feelings, and I am a very petty person, hence my personal hatred of Dazai, but here is my opinion:

Dazai is not a person who doesn't have feelings and emotions and stuff: it is very plausible that he could have cared about Akutagawa, or a version of caring, during his PM days. However, that does not excuse the way he actually treated him. And evidently Dazai had been shown kindness before - by Odasaku- and he saw first-hand how important it was to his friend to be kind, Dazai just was not in a place to care about such things.

And even so, I could have forgiven his PM days- if he wasn't so incredibly indifferent to Akutagawa during the present. The phone call on Moby Dick was so incredibly cruel and unnecessary, considering all Dazai had to say was "Don't fight Atsushi, the mafia and ADA are working to stop Fitzgerald" and Akutagawa would have complied. It is only an example, but my issue stems from the fact that Dazai manipulates Akutagawa to his own plans instead of letting him move on. His interaction with Akutagawa in season 5 before he asks a favor is also an indicator of that.

The case is that Dazai has learned to put in the effort to care for those he loves - Atsushi, Chuuya, the ADA.

To me, the list simply does not include Akutagawa.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd akutagawa #dazai osamu #akutagawa ryuunosuke #atsushi nakajima #chuuya nakahara

[kimigia]

my problem with owari no seraph's writing, from someone who's been reading it since 2016

finally decided to revive this blog after it sat untouched for years and collected copius amounts of dust.... just ignore my old posts LMAO

anyways, i have a small list of issues that i think i've already posted about before? but i wanted to compile them all, and add on anything i haven't mentioned before.

*small spoiler warning for recent chapters & light novel*

the countless neglected side plots and characters. i understand that every side story will eventually get its time to shine... but when? i don't think i'd have such a problem with it if the comic updated more often, but i understand that kagami has other scripts to write and it takes yamamoto time to draw the beautiful art. but it's been years since we last saw characters like lacus welt, rene simm, seishiro hiragi, chess belle, makoto narumi and horn skuld. i definintely think it's a huge shame that after being present for like, 50 or so chapters, they just... disappeared. hell, last time yoichi's plan to get revenge on lacus was mentioned was over 5 years ago. again, if the updates were faster i wouldn't have such a problem with it taking so many chapters to finally get to the side storylines. but i just feel like it's been way too long at this point... this has already been stated before, but the lack of mistuba, kimizuki, yoichi, and sometimes shinoa's respective stories being addressed is also really annoying. it feels like they've been completely forgotten and neglected and like the comic is just 'mika & yu + extras''. i want to see yoichi get his revenge on lacus, i want to see ferid's backstory, i want to see mitsuba's relationship with her sister branched out more, i want to see chess and horn and how they're relevant to crowley's story, i want to see where narumi ran off to, i want to see kimizuki's storyline with his sister, and i know these will be addressed eventually, but like... when? to add onto this, i feel like new storylines keep being added on without old ones being addressed. the whole thing with mika turning into a demon, turning into a sword, finding out the first's past, and all of that. but then again, it took us years to finally figure out the first's past, so i trust that these side plots will also eventually get addressed! it's just very messy, and all over the place.

2. the same lines being repeated over and over again. i swear to god every couple of chapters they go through the same dialogue of "we're going to revive everyone and save all of our family members and save the whole world" and i just feel like nothing really happens after that? just from chapters 100-130 it's been mentioned SO many times and i just. if i'm missing something i'd appreciate it if someone could just tell me at this point because i really don't see why the almost exact same dialogue has to be said so often. i am perfectly aware that the whole storyline revives around the importance of companionship, friendship, and love, but it just seems futile for the same exact thing to be stated so often. i think when it's SHOWN rather than just being told is really nice, like how krul and ashera's backstory was played out, or how the love between paimon and bael was shown. we can draw our own conclusions and interpret the story differently based on what we see rather than being spoonfed the same information over and over again. ashera basically cursed his sister because he couldn't fathom living without her, and bael ended his life because he couldn't fathom living without paimon. i think when the love and importance of the character's relationships with each other is shown like this, rather than the same dialogue being restated chapter after chapter, the story flows much smoother.

3. the lack of character development. again, if i've somehow missed it then please just tell me because i can't find it anywhere. specifically in yu's case, because it's been YEARS. i will say, in the early volumes of the manga i definitely saw him undergo a huge change, because before he got put in the demon army he had a very sour attitude and refused to make friends. but after he found his new family, he did a complete 180 and made it his life's mission to live for them and do anything to save them, mika included (later on) but again, that was years ago and since then i've honestly been unable to see much change in his behavior. despite the numerous times guren has shown himself to be a shifty, shady person that's hard to trust, it doesn't go through yu's head. even after they had that huge fight around chapter 112, his anger towards guren wasn't even about the fact that guren planned for his family to be murdered by ferid! he rarely listens to mika, and he generally just goes off and does whatever he likes. i UNDERSTAND that this is just part of his character and personality, but my god is it frustrating to watch... i will say though, him bowing to krul and requesting her help to save mika was a nice surprise that i didn't anticipate. i'd really like to see more of that! more of him listening to other characters who desperately try to help him, etc.

4. the way female characters are written and treated. i understand that this is a shounen manga, but the only female characters in the series being used for fan service gets on my nerves a LOT, especially since they're not really that well written in the first place. also the dialogue and interactions between them... i really really hate that majority of the conversations between just shinoa and mitsuba are played off as boob jokes or something when they could be having legitimate bonding moments and building their friendships. like i'm not gonna lie, shinoa is an absolutely FASCINATING character to me. but i want to see the girls interact with other girls outside of topics that have to do with a man or just making boob jokes!!! (i've only read volume 1 of the catastrophe manga,) but going off of that, the way there could've been so much more attention paid to sayuri's character for example but a lot of the spotlight on her just consisted of either a. her boobs being shown or b. somebody talking about her boobs. i'm not gonna lie, one of the first pages of the manga being a naked 14 year old girl was ....?? anyways. and how could i forget about chess and horn! they're vampires that're hundreds to thousands of years old, and they can't even fall in love or feel romantic desire, but the whole blushing thing while getting down on their knees to suck crowley's blood from his finger? chess getting jealous of horn for being able to suck his blood? hello? like... come on. i will say though, i really like how krul's character is written. in my opinion, she's an example of a well written female character.

an additional note that's not criticism: my opinions on the new art style are kinda 50/50... i feel like for the adult/older characters, the tiny eyes and sharper/more realistic features can make them look kinda weird sometimes, especially their front profiles. but for the younger/child/teen characters, i actually really like it and i feel like it suits them! not having their eyes take up half of their faces anymore looks good, and it can also be interpreted as physical growth.

anyways, there are so so so many things that i legitimately love about owari no seraph, so this isn't me just shitting on the entire series. i'm gonna follow it through to the end, and i'm excited to see how that goes! i just think the writing could use.... some work.

*please excuse any typos*

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #ons #mikaela hyakuya #sote #yuuchirou hyakuya #don't say i'm just complaining istg this is one of my favorite series i wouldn't read it if i hated it #also i'm giving legitimate criticism and backing it up w evidence so idk i think this is perfectly reasonable #shinoa hiragi