#i have enough shit going on irl trying to make myself be active on there was literally driving me crazy making shit SO much worse

[draculasbane]

Idk how many of y'all follow my twt but I'm not going to be very active on it anymore unless there's an art party or a piece I really want to post.

#when i say im tired of the xiv fandom on there i am....so goddamn tired. #not even the fate and cv fandom was that bad with microaggressions and racism the amount of racism i dealt with in that fandom is fucked up #like ive been trying for MONTHS to convince myself that things will change for me and ill feel better being on there but nope #im not sacrificing my health just to post my viera and sometimes fanart. im done. like. very done. #it just boggles my mind that the community got an award for 'best community' in mmos because i will tell you right now #its a very hostile environment on there for black people who are openly black within the fandom. #its not the best community for us. #i have enough shit going on irl trying to make myself be active on there was literally driving me crazy making shit SO much worse #i should not be so anxious that i have panic attacks over this shit #i should not feel worthless because of this shit. i have enough on my plate. #this is a learning experience because i promise you im never associating myself that much with a fandom ever again. #ppl wanna make fun of the fandom on here but at least i dont get microaggressed have racists spewing hateful rhetoric on my posts @ me #and have my posts screenshotted by racists so they can try to pull a 'gotcha' even though theyre clearly in the wrong #etc. cos there's a LOT more bs i have had to deal with from them mfs. So imma just sit back in peace and not deal with that shit anymore. #ill prob only post artwork of Lovelace and thats it cos why even almost put myself in a situation again. fuck them ppl who treated me bad #and every other black person in the fandom bad 🖕🏾 congrats on driving black ppl away from the fandom. On god I hope you burn in hell.

[elsa-fogen]

what do you think about the fact that al likes doodling?

i have a head canon that he has some sort of scrapbook or sketchbook full of little doodles of things going on at the hotel and just in his life, I feel like he would draw really stick-figureish (is that a word?) but I read a fic that depicted it as the same art style as an Invader-Zim obsessed scene girl and I could not stop cackling.

I also feel like he would either guard it with his life from everyone (exception to Rosie, of course) or just not bother to tell anyone and one day they just find him doodling schoolgirl style, kicking his legs in the air, LMAO NEW THOUGHT WHAT IF CHARLIE OR LUCIFER FOUND IT

OH! OH! Now that you mentioned it - i LOVE that about him! I just absolutely ADORE little thing he made for the add in the first episode. And i love this fact because 1) he's the first character i like that likes to draw canonically (okay maybe also toothless from httyd?) 2) Me and Alastor share so many similarities, and even drawing???? This just makes me love him even more (i'm sure we would hate each other irl tho AHAHHAHAHA or maybe not, idk)

SO, SINCE ME AND AL ARE SO SIMILAR, I'M GONNA PROJECT ON HIM MY DRAWING HABITS >:3c Forgive me this one, i usualy don't do that, i usualy project characters on myself haha

He DOES have sketchbooks just to draw, and they are ORGANISED. He's numbers every sketchbook and counts every drawing in them since the first one. He also has two numbers for each page - through one sketchbook and through them all. He has over 300 of sketchbooks by now (I have less, only 56). They are stashed somewhere in a very safe place.

Every sketchbook has a date of first and last drawing. Also amount of drawings. It looks like: NOTEBOOK 253 (number of sketchbook, also he doesn't call them sketchbooks) 03.06.1978-05.07.1978 (dates while it was active) 119 (amount of drawings) 29961-30080 (which numbers of drawings are in this sketchbook) He would cound something else, but he's just too busy to spend time on it. He can remember something thinking about what he was drawing in that period and vice versa

He used to draw at overlords meetings, pissing off Carmila and everyone else, because it looked like he hadn't listened to them, so Carmila banned drawing at overlords meetings (Alastor is still angry about it)

But he doesn't progress too much - most of his progress was made through first 10-20 sketchbooks, now he only has slight style changes sometimes when he feels like it

Tho he's really proud of his current skill and used to think that he's literally the best (used to get angry when reminded that it's not true) (now he kinda knows, but still likes his own drawings, doesn't accept criticism and doesn't try to purposely improve)

He likes showing his drawings to people, he knows and if he does, you have to say that it's literally So Cool, show enthusiasm turning pages and say that everything is just amazing. If you don't, he'll be OFFENDED. He also can leave a sketchbook opened on a page with a drawing he likes the most, and it's like a sign "NOTICE THAT I'M DRAWING AND SAY THAT YOU LIKE IT"

If he considers you a friend (well not like Rosie, but at least like Charlie), he'll be showing you his drawings regularly (and you have to be enthusiastic about it!!!!!!) He has showed it to Charlie, but somehow her enthusiasm is... too much. She's too patronising about it. He also shows his things to Husk, he knows that Husk is annoyed and doesn't give a shit, and he just enjoys his annoyance. He also shows his drawings to Niffty and she gives him Just Right amount and vibe of enthusiasm. (He sometimes draws something for her fanfiction if he likes something enough and enjoys Niffty's reaction (she explodes from happiness)). BUT!!!!! He never shows anything to Mimzy. Because she's like, person from the real life, and he feels like she would laugh at it. To Rosie he shows only things he considers his best and her opinion is the most important to him. He can even forgive her criticism (wouldn't take it tho) (she never critisizes him and absolutely ADORES his drawings). Angel kinda likes his drawings, but isn't enthusiastic about them enough

He doesn't take requests (Angel tried "draw me like one of your french girls" shit, Alastor never did (also his ass did not get the reference and he was like "i dont??? have??? any french girls????")) (Vox also tried to make Alastor draw something for him, Alastor was just "that's interesting, i'll think about it" and never thought of it again)

SOME OF HIS DRWINGS TURNED OUT TO BE PROPHECIES but he notices that only when something happens and then he goes back to his old sketchbooks and accidentally finds it. They are just coincidenses tho, but it's fun and Alastor makes a big deal from it and screams to Rosie like "I PREDICTED THAT SHIT 27 YEARS AGO" when finds out. (it's how i predicted many plot points from SU and literally TOH hunter's possession before the show even was a thing JHJDFJHFGJFDHKH i wonder if i predicted something from Hazbin, i need to look through my sketchbooks now)

If you dare to mess with his drawings and vandalise them... oh... you better pray to whatever god you belive in to make your sufferings be enough to redeem your sins and go to heven.

#hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #sudden ask lol #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #the radio demon #alastor the radio demon #radio demon #radiorose #platonic radiorose #hazbin headcanons #hazbin hotel text post

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for having an alter come out around my friend and making him uncomfortable?

This is going to require some context, so bear with me. I (23M) am diagnosed with DID. My family has been aware of it since I was around 6-7, we figured out exactly what it was around age 13, but I only began being open about it at age 20/21 due to a bad experience the first time I told a friend in my mid teens. This openness has been pretty gradual - I told my partner first, then my college, my counsellors, then some of my closest friends both IRL and online. This included my friend K (28M).

K and I have been friends since I was 14 and he was 19 after meeting via online RP, so a full decade, and we’ve talked pretty much every day since. We’ve met in person a couple of times over the years, though we’re both pretty busy and we live different countries so no more than that. He’s been super supportive of me since I told him, making sure to individually accommodate alters when he encounters them, and gets along in particular with one alter I’ll call E. E is probably the most ‘active’ alter (behind myself if I count), and is usually the one people first meet and speak to most often once they know. He’s very friendly and outgoing, the worst trait he has is that he’s been a little too blunt/unfiltered at times and hurt feelings which is always resolved quickly.

Also relevant to this is another alter, P. He is what’s called a persecutor - essentially an alter that harms the body and/or system in general for whatever reasons they may have. One way he has always done this is by trying to sabotage our friendships/relationships by telling them things I feel or think that I don’t, arguing with them/insulting them, playing on their worries, etc. It’s obviously unacceptable and something we’ve been trying to work on in therapy, but he’s very resistant to changing so it’s not always helpful.

K knows about P and has interacted with him a fair amount.

A while back, I asked K if we could meet up as it had been a while and I missed hanging out. We ended up arranging for us to travel to London together, stay at a hotel for a few days, and watch a musical while we were there. I was a little worried about another alter coming out while I was with him, because we’ve never been together longer than a day and a night, and I wasn’t sure how well he’d take it if a switch happened in person rather than online. I brought it up to him as a concern and he said it was completely fine, that he was prepared for it and wouldn’t be freaked out, etc.

I figured that the most likely alter to appear would be E, which wouldn’t be a big deal because they get along, so I accepted this. P is the only alter who’d potentially cause problems, and he hadn’t been active in several months, minus a couple of brief stints out, and while he was aware of the trip he had expressed zero interest in being part of it.

So cut to London trip. Everything’s going super well, we’re having a lot of fun, musical is great. The night after the musical, we decide to drink together in our hotel room. I have a mega high tolerance, but I know my limits pretty damn well, and I know exactly how much it takes me to get tipsy, Drunk, and black-out gone. I drank no more than usual and distinctly recall feeling completely fine, just a little buzzed and giggly like I usually am.

Flashcut to next morning. Can’t remember shit. Basically feels like I blacked out. I think this is weird because the amount I drank should not have been enough to cause that, but I DID drink and maybe nerves made me overdo it, so although I question it I end up writing it off. I notice K is a little quiet and doesn’t mention going out that day like we were sort of planning to, but I put it down to him being hungover and tired.

For the rest of the trip, everything’s fine. We’re hanging out as usual, he doesn’t act differently, he’s initiating hugs and affection, etc. I go home and see it all as a fun, successful time. We continue to message as normal from there.

Then weeks later, I wake up to a long message from him. The message basically said that while we were drinking on the trip, P had come out and had made him extremely uncomfortable. I asked him if anything had been done or said, and he said nothing in particular, but that knowing it was P made him feel unsafe and that it wasn’t a fun environment anymore. He told me that for the rest of the trip after that he’d been dissociating and feeing unsafe and that he didn’t know if he’s comfortable being my friend at all anymore, let alone meeting me again in person.

I was so caught off-guard that I couldn’t really process it because it felt so sudden to me and I hadn’t picked up on ANYTHING. I apologised Profusely, have been very very guarded around him since to ensure it doesn’t happen again even online as best I can, and I’ve been trying my best to work through it all and try to get more control over things with my psychiatrist.

At the same time however this has really thrown me off-kilter. I feel like I can’t be trusted to go out and do things, maintain friendships, meet people, without being unsafe to be around or having P ruin it. This is a decade-long friendship almost wrecked (and likely irreparably changed) by ONE NIGHT. I’m kicking myself for all the things I could have done differently - avoided the trip, gotten a separate hotel room, not drank - and I feel incredibly guilty and irresponsible, but I also feel so run-down and frustrated and depressed, because I can’t do basic human shit without this ruining it. Part of me is lost because he knew about this being a possibility, and explicitly told me it was fine. But I can’t blame him for reacting badly the first time he’s there for it in person either, especially because it wasn’t someone either of us expected. But am I going to need to go the rest of my life always watching myself around people and never letting my guard down and never letting myself relax or have fun in case a switch happens? I just don’t know. It was the first time in so long I’d just had fun and it resulted in this. It’s basically made me feel like a ticking time bomb and like every relationship I have is at risk of being ruined overnight if I relax at all.

AITA for agreeing to a trip and sharing a room when I knew a switch was a possibility and not taking into account that it could be someone who’d cause issues? Should I have taken more precautions?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[tsams-confessions]

We're coming off anon with this one boys. It's long and I apologize but it's been weighing on my mind for quite some time.

There are three things people tend to know me for in this fandom. My art, my fanfics, or my thread on TSBS server. Said thread is a place where I talk about the psychological aspects of the show, as well as do character analyses and sometimes even analyze entire lore uploads for the kicks and giggles. I'm a psychology major, I also have ASPD. I made the thread so I could talk about Eclipse, who at the time I suspected had the same disorder I do and which was later confirmed less than a week after I made the thread. Since then Ruin has also been confirmed as an ASPD haver, which I personally deeply enjoy. It's fun for me to talk about my disorder and relate it to the show since ASPD is really hard to understand. 99% of people are inherently capable of empathy, and about 2% of that 98% lose that ability during childhood. So it's understandably not a very well-understood disorder. It's also a very scary and dark disorder, and I can say that honestly because I live with it. Due to this fact, it tends to be villainized in media, and I am very refreshed by the fact that TSAMS does a good job of not making their ASPD havers raving lunatics with a thirst for blood. 

Anyways, that's just background information. So far I haven't met very many weirdos about ASPD in this fandom. Almost everyone is very chill with the fact that I am a sociopath and I haven't received a ton of weird comments about it. It's a relief since I deal with a lot of open stigma and harassment irl because I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not. However, there was an instance in my thread when I was actively talking about ASPD, and a new member decided to. . . I don't even know. It was creepy and weird, and really uncomfortable. They basically told me that I'm 'too nice of a person to be a sociopath' and that they could tell that I wasn't a sociopath because they see the good in people. They also said that they were surprised that there are sociopathic people and inferred that sociopaths are pretending, whatever that means. They kept going to keep making weird and stigmatized comments about the disorder, as well as continuing to compliment me in a very unnerving way. I think about it a lot because it was very uncomfortable to be interrupted like that in the middle of talking about ASPD. There was the new mod online and participating in the conversation, but they didn't say anything to the person who was actively making me uncomfortable, even though I expressed such in the chat. 

I deal with a lot of stigma and ableism in my day-to-day life, where people tell me that I can't be a sociopath because of really stupid shit. Like the fact, I get along with people or want to help people in the medical field. Or the time-tried 'but you're a woman' comments. I don't understand why the mod kinda just left me to fend for myself and ignored the person causing issues, and while I don't hold it against them, I do have anxiety about this situation repeating itself in the future. It's not easy to talk about a disorder that the average person could not even dream of understanding, and it's even harder when people who don't know you are trying to tell you that your disorder is fake based on flimsy reasoning. It's really invalidating of the actual hellscape I had to survive to be able to even turn 18, and it rakes up my anxiety to a 10 just at the thought of it. There's not a lot of safe spaces for someone to talk about having a dark disorder, and even less for something as rare and misunderstood as ASPD. It's hard enough as it is being a high-functioning sociopath, and I just needed to rant, I suppose. Haha, could make it a "tl;dr even I get offended sometimes."

Anyway, not dropping names, but it wasn't a private matter. Nor am I upset with the mods, it's just a thing that happened that I think about a lot because it's a very rare thing for me to be offended. Glad that the majority of this fandom that I've interacted with has been willing to hear me out ASPD, but I just worry about having a repeat situation like this. It's a very sad thing to witness in this fandom that talks about inclusivity. We can't pick and choose our disorders, and where there are canon sociopaths in the show one would think the fans would try to be a little more educated on the disorder (not directed towards anyone and I appreciate the people who are willing to ask me things about it instead of making assumptions).

.

#sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams confession #< block this if you dont want to see these #mod 1blood #ableism cw

[shadale-s-safe-space]

I don't know much about you as a person, but from what I can gather you've had a long journey with art, but still have the motivation to continue even when its rough. I'm sure you didn't start out making masterpieces, so if its not too much trouble, do you have any advice for a 16 year old artist losing motivation? i feel like im stagnating right now and its awful

Idk man, all I can say is, draw watchu want without the care who's gonna see it or what they gonna say , commit to new ideas and care less about pleasing everyone, because I know that way too well, I started learning by drawing animals, flowers and nature, "you should draw something else", switches to furries " No you must do human portraits", draws humans *no one fuckin cares*, and I felt miserable drawing what I didn't want all the damn time just trying to please everyone and be liked, hell, I still do that sometimes cuz I'm a dumbass. When in reality, when you do your own thing is when you're the happiest, this internet bullshit? Yeah don't trust the likes and favs, people like what they find relatable, no one really knows how much time you've spent on your drawing or how much you love it, when a 5 min doodle you did could do more than a painting that took 2 whole days to complete just to be scrapped in a new speedy record, paint what you love for yourself and you only.

Don't be shy to learn new things, I have tons of stuff I don't post here cuz I know people wouldn't care about it, but here for this post, have this that I practiced when I felt too depressed to think of anything good and wanted to step back from the MD artstyle

You'll see, you'll thrive when you draw what you want, and get yourself a drawing buddy! That way you'll stop focusing on the internet and more on each other, and each other's improvement. Tbh I struggled with that one. Since everyone I had were not into art irl, I somehow managed to find someone after 10 years of drawing alone. I honestly wanted more people to join in and make an improvement circle, but unfortunately that never happened.

I found myself twice as productive now than ever, even though I'm not active here as much I am still drawing and making things, ofc giving you more comics! And other fun things in the future I hope.

If you're struggling to draw something just do it, man commit, i was uncomfortable drawing men and male characters for years, I've wasted so many years being "too uncomfortable" and draw a naked person like yeesh who fucking cares, it's for studying.

And ofc if you feel like you're not improving at all please, please experiment with your artstyle and try something new, please refresh your mind, I was stuck for years doing the same thing over and over, same colors, same 2px brush, drawing like a machine same shit over and over, I felt so stuck and lost, but also afraid to do something new, idk why, I guess I never felt good enough or deserving of it. I also didn't go to art school, I am NOT a professional, nor will i ever be in my opinion. Hell, me feeling like I'll never be good enough left me afraid to try and apply for art school, they were asking for sculptures, different mediums all that scary stuff and I was like, I don't.. know.. how to do those things... I can't build a portfolio in less than 3 months?!?! I don't even know how to use half of what they're asking for!!

In reality at the end of the day, art is what you make of it and no one can stop you, search for inspirations and don't be afraid to try, yes you'll fail fist 2 or 10 or hell even 100 times, but you'll come back with more knowledge than ever.

For ending I give you the most confusing drawing to ever exist [dw he's just sleeping on top of her and she's just ghasping for air but awe romance or sum lol] is it weird? Yeah but I had a fun time making it hahaha

Idk I'm bad at putting my thoughts together, but hopefully some of this helps.

#murder drones #murder drones oc #artists on tumblr #digital painting

[spicypopcornfromhell]

IF I GET NERFED FOR BEING TRANSFEM MY DISCORD IS POPCORNFROMHELL (mutuals only) if not ask first

This blog is safe for systems and/or otherkin. Yall are valid idc what the feds say fuck em neopronouns are also fucking dope. Idc what you look like your hot and if you see this you get one (1) kiss and one(1)headpats. Also im like trans now. It took me 18 yrs but i figured it out

This blog is also pro therian(idk if spelling is correct)

If i say no animals yalls are excluded welcome to the blog

2024 jan 8th( i think)

I has a discord if mutuals wan it ig

Thanks for making me realise, a list of contributors:

Other trans ppl

Femboys

Furrys

Irl cis women ik

Egg irl

Traaaaaaa

Funny kink list( it dosent apply to you so if ur not into it I understand lol, a good example is my piss kink. If you aren't into that kink, I would avoid it whenever I talk to/reference you. Thus rather focusing on what your into if it fits my criteria)

Hell you dont even have to be horny here, this space exists as my "I'm a adult and interested in my own sex life" blog.

Last edit 2023dec

So I reblog alot of porn or written thoughts and sometimes memes. However it is like a cursed pendulum it changes at random the ratio I post and what I post. Today it has just been hentai. Tomorrow it might me horny thoughts of myself or other peaple please keep that in mind uwu

Before we begin:

Hiiiii it's me I'm pop but pet names and nicknames are also chill👍 I'm 89.9% submissive and I can top in a subby way though I'm mostly bottom ❤ I have they/them pronouns and such but use like any pronouns you'd like,(neopronouns welcome) HOWEVER pls pls pls try not to use masc pronouns bc I'm girl now heheheh yayyyyy!!!!!!

dude is gender neutral here👍

Oops I forgot to add I wanna try bottoming sometime lol bc am virgin

Dec8 update. Ok maybe domming is cool but im still a submissive bitch. Tho i can be a dom amongst subs

Dec19

Heyyyyy i saw other people say this but like

I struggle messaging first alot of the time and like im sorry mutualssssss

Hii yes you found my kink exploration and h3nt8i blog+y1ff so theres that

I like

Toys

Furrys

Furry toys (those tail things and cat ears and such)

Casual hj

Casual nudaty ( basicly only thighighs or such idk)

Good vibes in public (literal) app controlled lol

Mutually getting off casually

Calling my dominant master ( or any dom name idk)

Causal free use between partners

Biting( any participant)

Clamps

Fingers in mouth kink

Choking

tounge biting

Tied up with other subs (bc group activity is fun uwu)

2 domms but like at once

Watersportsss( both top/bottem)

freeuse( again, yes)

Being manhandled (rough)

Ear licking( I get the asmr now) + endogenous zone

Neck biting/kissing

Ik I missed ALOT of kinks so ye sorry bout that

Tbf I'm into most things kinky but I have my limits so discuss first uwu

I do not like

Transphobes ( dni like go die painfully )

Maps(pedos) ( no no no dni die)

Chasers (VERY FUCKING RELEVANT NOW)

Verbal degradation (do it physically rather ig)

Like you can call me slut and what not but bc of trauma dont like say I'm shit or not enough and such bc nah

Beasiality/zoophilia ( kids and animals dont belong in kink )

Minors( join my sfw blog but FUCK Off from here)

Age regressors are fine tho welcome hiiii

If you didn't get it the first time animals and kids do not belong in kink.

I'm putting down these limits because I want this to be a safe space for kinky (vannila is also chill)queer peaple and if you are a proper ally to lgbtqa+ then cis peaple are fine here but straight peaple are gonna struggle finding their stuff here . I mean ur welcome but like I'm trans, and if you cant be fine with the fact I'm trans then leave.

In other words, cis peaple are welcome. Respect my boundaries, i respect yours. Also respecting boundaries are hot btw

I talk alot about t4t and gay shit both ways. You wont find relatable stuff here (unless you're into the hentai/yiff) nothing personal ofc

Also also final thing is you can call me any pet names but please, try going for the more feminine complements and pet names and nicknames 2024 update no more masc terms byeeeeeeee am so trans it hurts

Do not call me this,(slurs) unless you are trans them we can be ironic about it

tranny

, if you are cis NO, i kick you. In crotch. The unpleasant way. Transpeaple that reclaimed this can be ironic about it lol

, sissy cuntboy or shemale ,

No. I kick you in crotch. The bad perma injury way.

Heyyy I did a thing yall

Also sorry for the mispells bc website flags words on posts I thinks

Aight this shit bout to get updated for my safety bc of what happend

Commandments of my dms

If ur lgbtqa+ ur chill come say hi even

I accept Cis ppl that are chil and accepting (chasers die)

If ur straight tho then this place ain't really for you (affectionate bc I have straight besties that actually are nice)

Do NOT just storm into dms with an exception of pics, being freeusse is a bedroom fantasy I do with CONSENTING peaple. If I havent given you a go ahead then you talk to me like a person

I'm here to make queer gay bi/pan and trans besties. Chill cis peaple are also chill because I realise that allies exist and that gay/lesbian/bi pan peaple also exist

Also If ur sapphic i do also reblog waifus so everybody profits from this blog, still do chat with me bc I like meeting new peaple. No being horny isint rlly a requirement bc I use this blog to Express my more sensual and sexual side sure, but like we can just like for example gush about our fantasies and traumadump to eachover.

Also I forget to mention if you are a mutual you basicly already have most of my trust

Anything below marked in red is mentions of trauma and venting ignore if you wish

I like shit when its consensual but I dont like rape, idk why but it's a serious topic for me .27nov2023 I saw someshit depicting it and not only did it kill the mood I legit felt shit the whole morning, I get cnc but non consent is fucked. It affected me when I was young , it still affects me today. I wasent touched and I may be a softie but having a bathroom door forced open while I was doing my stuff in there, even today I struggle to pee in public bathrooms oh and I got bladder infection from that. Long story short rape is fucked and if you condone actual rape I hope to whatever is out there you die. Once more I reiterate but cnc stuff is fine. Actual stuff is not.

Ty for understanding ig

This piece of shit pinned keeps growing huh

Hehe( vanilla means treat me like a prince/princess/gender neutral term for those)

Big words bc eng is my 2nd language. Idk what half of those means

I'm guessing hostility means I'm a brat uwu

If you red this far for some reason then I'm proud of youu❤ also even tho I'm a sub TOPS and dommes also deserve praise

Also 3 dec edit: ive been giving it thought and i knew i wasent cis, but im like, super trans. Its comforting knowing who i am after years of doubt.

Also new pronouns just dropped!!!!!!

@meandering-rook im not leaving that response to die in the tags uwu this is like top tear complements

Like

Woah uwu

2023last edit 29dec

Ummmmm im trying a feminine alias

Call me poppy or Silova or any feminine name your brains conjure

[jinchuls-moved]

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

#you don’t have to reblog or anything #this is more for me n my mutuals #sorry #can retire the definitelynotecho blog i made entirely to piss off kaze on her bday

[yuurivoice]

Just wanted to say that even though I do avoid exploring any tags related to me, I do absolutely recognize and appreciate a ton of you who regularly post awesome art, headcanons, and memes.

A lot of that is thanks to people sharing those fun, awesome things! Reblogs where I end up seeing them on mutuals blogs and stuff helps, so share and gas each other up!

There are people in this community that have been here for years, who have seen this entire corner of the internet shift and grow for better or worse. The OGs who have been around before I ever made this blog know how far the community has come, how much it's stayed the same, and how much it has changed. And I've grown along with it. My aspirations and hopes and creativity has evolved so much from just doing silly little posts as an anime twink to having a full blown web series.

Despite that growth, I am still just a guy trying to tell his stories and make some voices while doing it. I have a small team around me, and without them this would be even more difficult than it already is. We're not corporate, we're independent artists and freelancers and creatives just trying to do cool stuff, and are lucky enough that something worked.

I've failed so much over the course of my life. You see the results of things, and for the most part are incredibly kind and supportive. Thousands upon thousands have appreciated my work in one way or another, and that's a dream come true for me. I never bothered wanting anything more in my life than to share stories with people. I didn't have a bucket list, or many aspirations. I was at a dead end and ready to just give up. That mentality and the time spent going in circles did a lot of damage over time.

But you found me, whether it was 6 years ago or a week ago, and whatever support and vibes you've sent my way have mattered. I won't ever lose sight of that.

I wanted to say that because I know I am not as ingrained into my own community as an active participant and that may make me seem distant, or stuck up, or something. It's not for any sort of disdain or lack of appreciation though, it's just me, and trying to keep my head clear.

You don't get an instruction manual when you're suddenly a niche internet micro celebrity. They don't tell you about scrolling through fan art at 3am and then seeing the nastiest, most mean spirited, bad faith takes about your work you've ever seen. Shit is weird, man. And it's not for me, because I give way too much of a shit about my art, and that's a flaw. My skin has gotten thicker over the years, but what happens on days when your mental health is in the shitter? Weeks where I've been fighting my demons and losing can't afford me the grace to step on a weird internet landmine brought on by the symptoms of being a creative trying and failing and succeeding all at once in a world where everyone on the internet has an opinion they want to shout into the void.

And people can do that! It's my responsibility to look after myself and set those boundaries for my own comfort, not anyone's fault for just doing their thing on the internet, ya know? Once you put yourself out there, you have to accept that people are gonna people. Same irl, shit, I've been a fat kid my whole life, I'm certainly no stranger to people being obscenely rude for no reason other than they like the sound of their own voice.

I just wanted y'all to know that even though we're well beyond the "little internet family" vibes that some creators foster, I'm not up in some ivory tower (ha, said the thing) looking down like a curmudgeon. I am rooting especially hard for all the fellow creatives out there on their own journeys, wanting to share their passion and dreams with the world as well. I want you to win, and succeed, and find fulfillment with whatever drives you to make things.

Guess I was in my feelings a little bit and just wanted to say that I do see many of you and am thankful you've allowed me to play some kind of role in entertaining, comforting, or inspiring you. That means the world to me.

[ragingbullmode]

I'm a baby goth who really wants to get better at makeup and more specifically eyeliner similar to what you do. Do you have any products or tips you reccomend for getting started? I try to look up advice online but it's overwhelming and it's kinda embarrassing to ask for advice irl.. ty in advance if you decide to answer this.

hi !! idk how good my advice will be but ill do my best to answer as well as i can !

as a heads up i freehand everything but i have seen people use the tape method to keep their liner/eyeshadow straight (which is just putting a piece of scotchtape on the side of ur eye where u plan to have a straight area of liner)

i found using water activated liner helped me a Lot when i started doing more graphic looks at the end of last year (since its water activated u can easily just wipe it off with a makeup wipe or wet tissue) but there is a difference in feel when applying it compared to using a liner pen (to me at least) ie the brush length makes it easier for me to do the smaller details as it gives me more control, but once i got a good feel for doing stuff like that it made using the pen easier. water activated is also much better if u plan on more colorful looks; liner pens do come in colors but they dont pop as well or as bright as the water liners.

as for making ur liner symmetrical… not sure how to give the best advice for that 🤔 the way i do it is ill line out one eye with the outline of what i want to do & try to match the other eye best i can. i have shakey hands but ive found planting my elbow on my desk table & my lining hand on my cheek really helps to stabilize myself so my lines come out straight. to straighten out my lines (like if i made one side to thick) ill just wipe a smidge of it with a wet cotton pad with water liners, but when i use a liner thats waterproof i use micellar water or a make up wipe to fix it.

as for my lids i use a mehron skin prep toner (its the only product ive found that works for my Very oily lids, but its definitely not for everyone… stings like SHIT if its in ur eye especially since i am… not supposed to use it for what i have been 😬. adding that bc if i do t use it sometimes the oil will denature the liner & smear it all over my lids lol. on top of that i put foundation & whatever eyeshadow i want on top of that when the foundation is dry enough it wont smear. putting liner over whatever u layered on ur lids is a commitment & a little hard to fix if u want to put the liner on in 1 go which is why i recommend practice & playing around !!

dont be scared about it not looking nice at that start, just start with something simple to get that feel for it so u can work up to what u want 👍

as for products, i got my water inks from bymelolops (latina owned, based in puerto rico !) i bought this liner brush (and a few water inks as well) from gavissi. my eyeshadow is mostly sugarpill (i only buy when its on sale, its a little pricey but worth it) but if ur on more of a budget colourpop has good options. as for liner pens, ive been using the last of my nyx liner, but am looking for a good alternative (loreal supports isr*el) so im unfortunately not much help here as im Also on the look out 😮‍💨

i definitely suggest getting some cheap stuff to play around with !! many places like sephora & ulta also sell small sample sizes of liners so u can get one of those to try out before u commit to something. a lot of what i started with years ago came from the dollar store bc that was all i could afford at the time lolll

#anonymous #sorry this was long lol 😭 !!

[gingerjolover]

hi ging i know this is totally not the place for unsolicited asking for advice so totally ignore this ask if it’s the wrong place to be doing this BUT in short i’m having an identity crisis yay!!! up until very recently i though i was just a very very supportive ally, eg when homophobic things were said around me i was personally offended but was just like noooo i’m just a huge ally i’m not gay!! i love love munagenius, and not just in a “i wanna be friends with all of them!” way, i’ve had crushes on girls irl, but have just pushed them deep deep down and i’m attracted to them and i would date a girl and AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SO GAY LIKE I SHOULDNT EVEN BEEN QUESTIONING BUT FOR SOME REASON IM IN DENIAL. it’s like i almost don’t feel gay enough? literally nobody knows because i like men (unfortunate i know) and have been in “straight” relationships all my life. i know nobody but me can tell me if i’m queer or not like this is my shit to deal with but maybe i just needed somewhere to dump my feelings anonymously :p

hi baby!

this is a safe space, you’re always allowed to ramble in my inbox (that goes for all of you!)

i can’t, in earnest, sit here and write, “well if you like girls and you would date a girl, you’re queer,” because i know first hand that it’s not that easy

i was right where you are not that long ago, and i hope i can use my experiences to give you some guidance?? without making it sound like it’s all about me??

we had very similar experiences, i’ve ALWAYS had crushes on women but never realized they were crushes, i was like “no i just want to be their best friend” or “i admire them soooo much,” or “i wish i looked like them” — and while those are totally normal thoughts to have, i also actively was pushing down the idea that i, as in me ginger, could be queer, i didn’t know what queer meant and i didn’t even know that bisexuality was a thing when i was young

i had a MAJOR identity crisis actually like right before i started posting on here consistently, if you look at my tumblr in the very beginning it was literally all “insert male celebrity x reader” because i did not allow myself to look at content that i was not “queer enough” for

denial is something i ALSO went through, i can’t tell you how many times my best friends (both queer) had to talk me down about WHY i was getting so worked about about labeling myself or feeling confused about liking girls, trying to find the root of why i wouldn’t allow myself to say i was queer or even curious about my sexuality

obviously accepting yourself is hard, right? it’s challenging an idea about yourself that is different from what you’ve always known yourself. i struggled so much with this because, like you sweet anon, i was always straight and nobody knew otherwise

self acceptance/no longer being in denial is also hard because there’s so many factors. one of the biggest factors for me was i was living in an environment at the time where queerness was NOT fully accepted, i know that i was going to be unsafe (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) if i had come out. (i eventually did to one of my family members and it worked out but most of them still don’t know)

one of my other things when not feeling queer enough was like “well i haven’t had a lot experiences with women so i can’t really be queer,” and my best friend literally was like “do you tell children who identify as queer that they aren’t because they haven’t kissed anyone?” and i said “of course not!” and he sat there and let me think about it… and then was like “well yeah, see how stupid that sounds? you’re not LESS queer because you don’t have experience, like maybe it’s more intimidating for you, but it doesn’t make you less”… and it’s something i still think about all the time

i know i’m rambling and i’m kinda jumping around but something you need understand and sit with is you don’t HAVE to label yourself! the biggest reason i hadn’t come out (combined with above) is because i couldn’t label myself, i didn’t feel queer enough for any label.

i ended up (after truly months) coming out as bi (not even officially, i just started referring to myself as bisexual and posting stuff on instagram and creating my own lil community) because like you anon, i unfortunately like men😪 (even though i am actively only dating women/nb at the moment, don’t dissect this too much i am still in my identity crisis)

i guess what i am trying to saaaaay is be patient with yourself, you are queer enough, even if you’re just questioning (although it sounds like you were where i was and you’re def not but i can’t tell you that). as long as you are entering this space respectfully and your intentions are pure, you have nothing to worry about sweet anon.

working to get over the “my whole life is going to change” and turning it into “my whole life is going to change!!!” is a way to help with this identity crisis. any change is hard, change is super scary, but as long as you’re in a place where you are safe and healthy, living authentically, even if confused, is so much better than feeling trapped and trying to work through it alone.

i hope this makes sense, i am obviously oversimplifying a lot of the issues of coming out or identifying yourself, i am very privileged that most of my life hasn’t changed since i have come out, and i know it’s not always the easiest/safest for people

i love you sweet anon! my inbox is always open - so are my messages :)

#anon cutie #idk even what to tag this #coming out #maybe? #like #discovering sexuality #queer discourse #gingy talks too much

[muutos]

NAME?: morgan, or sonia - if you know me from afton.

PRONOUNS?: she/her

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: rip, @lawhurt, vanessa a, henry, and missy

RP PET PEEVES?: callouts, lol. cliques. when people won't specify a muse when when you message them to, and the post says 'please specify' and they have the audacity to go 'whoever you have the most muse for!' like no. you're trying to be nice, it's not nice lol. people reblogging their own promos without feeling inclined to reblog others, mm - graphics > writing, and what i mean is all effort is spent on one while the other .... not just happens less due to irl reasons, but just never happens enough to justify all the aesthetics changes. chronically online brain/views on things. the purification of writing and how, ig we're not allowed to explore dark topics anymore bc god forbid writing/art do what it was meant to do and make us uncomfortable. like oh you can't write this character bc they're a misogynist? because they've traumatized someone? ok jan, go read some reading rainbow suggestions and get the fuck away from me. people reblogging shit from me when they don't even follow me (idc if we're mutuals, then go crazy)

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: i was like 11/12 when i started rp'ing and writing fics, take that how you will.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: oh smut and angst 100%. shame? bitch where. angst is everything to me. but fluff is also beautiful when well deserved. the best fluff is when characters are ignoring all the angst under the surface.

PLOTS OR MEMES?: some of the best plots can come from winged memes, again for the people in the back.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: longer. i just... i work better when i can explain and develop internal thought and map out actions. i don't mind shorter sometimes but i can be left feeling shitty about my writing in them quickly.

TIME TO WRITE?: bitch i'm unemployed for the most part.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: i think i find pieces of myself in all my characters and i like to implant little things in my oc's here and there so i'm more in-tune with their internal struggles. but ofc sometimes it doesn't work out that way.

tagged by: @narratingastory tagging: @avemaria, @cultfic, @surv1vr, @divinehr, @facsimila and anyone else who wants to.

#𝐢. . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 › out of character ] #𝐢. . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 › dash games ]

[loversj0y]

boundaries

i will never, under ANY circumstances write something that breaks someone’s boundaries. for me, RPF relies on using a persons face and basic traits and writing a version of them that exists in stories in my head. however that does NOT MEAN their boundaries are not important. regardless of the context, if the real person is in anyway the “face claim” of either the written version of themself, or a character of themselves i wrote, i will NEVER break their boundaries.

if i do so, it is not knowingly. do NOT vaguepost about me doing so either because i am autistic and will not understand. if i am breaking a person’s boundaries i WANT TO KNOW before you block me or just call me a shit person.

also, ive stated this before on my blog, but i will never write NSFW content. i may included suggestive jokes and things that are more on the PG-13 side (like making out) but i am asexual. i am not comfortable writing NSFW or even reading about it. making jokes about NSFW stuff is fine (again within that person’s boundaries, my OWN boundaries included) and i find NSFW humor pretty funny and often write it. but NSFW content will never be something that i outright produce in general. im not comfortable with it.

more of my boundaries

- i will never reveal my face on here. it is a safety thing and a privacy thing (irls that like wilbur for example) please do not ask me for any clues about what i look like. if i don’t reference it or supply it myself, i dont want to talk about it

- i have made vague mentions to where i live, specifically by saying the state and that i live in a big city. do not try to find anything else out

- i have been put in danger because of the internet before. both actual danger (stalking) and perceived danger (paranoia, mental instability) so do not even make JOKES about my privacy or knowing what i look like. it makes me so incredibly uncomfortable

- do not joke about SA on my page. i have written fics covering SA recovery because it is something that i have dealt with and i use it to cope. this does not mean you can just joke about it or traumadump with no warning

- dont call me pet names if we arent friends. point blank.

- i have been given death threats over discourse before to the point that seeing any mention of discourse makes me start to panic. do not involve me in discourse. however, if there is something going on that you think i should be aware of, or if i speak out of turn on something i dont know enough about, feel free to tell me in the DMs, just give a valid trigger warning.

- again, im not comfortable with NSFW works. i will not read them so do not ask me to. i will not write them so do not ask me to. it does not matter if the character is real or fictional. it makes me uncomfortable

- if you are below the age of 16, dont dm me or try to actively talk to me. even if my blog is not NSFW, im not comfortable talking to people below that age. the only exception is if you need a safe space to come to and tell someone about another adult online who is harassing you, i am always willing to help out in those situations.

- DO NOT BLAME ME FOR THE ACTIONS OF MY MUTUALS. I AM NOT THEM. i cannot control people, and i am not on here enough to be policing people that i interact with. i have a life outside of this site.

i may add more in the future. im not sure yet

#mar talks #boundaries #mar’s boundaries #this is for the blog intro

[2af-afterdark]

Oof, it's been a hot minute since I've sent you an ask... Sorry 'bout that and also for not sending you any New Year's wishes, irl stuff kept me pretty busy lately. I hope you had fun celebrating! <3

...Admittedly, part of the reason for my absence was that I've also been feeling unpleasantly drained by the Nightmare Pass missions, on top of everything else. I feel a little bad about pretty much coming here and complaining, but I'd like to hear your opinion since you have the Pass activated and I'm f2p, so I wonder how our experiences differ.

I feel like the rewards are.. lackluster, in all honesty. The yellow keys are nice, the frame is pretty... And that's about it. Aside from a small bonus of getting some gems after completing the daily missions, there's really not much to look forward to. It feels like there's far too much effort required and not enough rewards.

Not to mention the missions themselves. God, the missions. I hate the way they work with a passion. The fact that you need to log in daily is fine, the fact that you need to grind a bit is also fine... But then there's shit like "claim a likeability reward" which I'd love to do, except I only have one left over from Andrealphus and still half a Pass to get through. I remember you writing that it feels like being punished for unlocking content, and I completely agree. That's exactly how it feels. I am not going to waste all of my red keys in an attempt to get a new L-grade card since I have all S-grade devils maxed out already.

And speaking of wasting red keys! The "special draw" missions also leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. I remember making those single-pulls while sighing deeply because, well, it just doesn't feel like all of the resources I'm consuming are going to be compensated. I spend Solomon's tears, both types of keys, a lot of energy (in-game and irl) and most of the time I get... A few boxes of randomised jellies? That I can get extremely easily through other means? At least make them select-type like the ones in event shops, damn it!

Basically, I'm salty and kind of sad. I love the game dearly, but I think I'm going to give up on the Nightmare Pass. Once I hit a likeability reward mission that I cannot complete, I'm out. The frame is pretty, but getting one from an event shop is going to be way easier and less stress-inducing. I don't want to burn myself out (any more than I already did) by trying to complete it.

So sorry for such a long rant, I ended up getting a bit carried away... I'm really interested in how the effort/reward ratio feels like with a purchased Pass. I'm not really active in the fandom (I pretty much only follow you and the official acc, lol) so I haven't seen people speak about it yet. Hopefully, at least some people have a better time with that hell of an event.

— 💛

So, I used my premium pass from the pre-order rewards on the Nightmare Pass so I could study the way it works from a p2p perspective. I must say, the reward you get in p2p are much better. I received many yellow and red keys, Solomon's Tears, Puddings, Books, Coins, etc. I had unlimited auto-fights in the nightmare dungeon so I can grind coins for the shop easily. Over all, the amount of rewards you get may justify the $60 price tag IF you can afford it and you want the card at the end. Also, this assumes they do this within limited quantities. Like, I would say once every few months at most. Maybe very 2-3 months at most. Still sucks you can only get the card if you're willing to pay out the nose for the rewards. I did look at the f2p rewards and... yeah, not worth it. That is a lot of grinding for very little payoff. I was getting 2-4 reward every day because I was getting the rewards for every tier so it felt more worthwhile.

Also, yeah. I have been playing the game less since the Nightmare Pass started because I was afraid of locking myself out of future requirements for the missions. I had trouble with likability (something I usually max out within 2-3 days of getting a new unit), I was afraid to level up characters and their skills, I wasn't promoting anyone, I wasn't doing anything because I was so afraid I would screw myself by playing the game.

That's why I think Nightmare Pass kind of sucks the most. I felt like I was being punished for having played the game up until this point. Some missions were, as you said, fine. Any missions involving pleasing someone in the Secret Club were fine (not the unholy board because some of those I had maxed out already and it was pain to advance them more). Any missions where I had to fight were good. That I can always do. But missions that have finite end points are terrible (there is a max number of levels characters can have, a max amount of promotions I can do, only so far I can go on an unholy board, likability stops at 100%, characters can only evolve 5 times before they are maxed). Those missions suck because I can screw myself by actually having invested the time into the game before the Nightmare Pass is even out. It actually sucked to basically stop playing this game because I was afraid to play and screw myself out of getting Gabriel.

And the missions are kind of sucky too. Because each stage only unlocks after the previous one is completed, it's hard to know what is coming up and easy to screw yourself. Not everyone has 20ST available multiple times. Not everyone hoards their keys to do the multiple draws over and over again. And having 25 stages that can only be unlocked once daily rather than continuously (since the one mission on each day is to login) it means that if you miss a few days, you are screwed. You can pay to unlock the path with Nightmare Coins, but that assumes you have enough (and each reward gets more expensive as you go).

Overall, Nightmare Pass feels like the kind of event that is aimed toward people who dedicate time to the game to complete the rewards, but those same people can easily get screwed if they put in all that effort too early. The nightmare Pass isn't terrible, but it definitely needs some tweaking. It's the kind of event I would only continue in the future if I really want the card/haven't invested so much I screw myself. Honestly, it feels like the kind of event you finish and only debate purchasing the other rewards after you see how far you've managed to get to see if you can justify the expense.

Also, never feel like you can't rant to me. I rant all the time. Goodness knows I rant all the time... I don't do it because I hate the game. It's me trying to point out issues for others and because I want to see things changed for the better.

#❖ 💛 anon #love letters ❤️ #talkin' whb

[curiouschaosstarlight]

(*Quick clarification, 'cause I feel like I should say this right away, I don't mind people not liking or even being really uncomfortable with certain characters, especially villains that have canonically done some really horrible stuff, even if I happen to really love the character in question! It's all in the Handling of the topic, and someone that's like "oh they're just not my cup of tea" or just don't want to talk about the character at all 1000000% has my respect and appreciation <3)

-claps-

So.

On the topic of demonizing characters that have violent or angry responses to their trauma

The thing about it that really gets my goat is the fact that I as a person have had anger problems ever since I can remember. I've had a pretty bad mix of anxiety and anger problems due to being traumatized, and have had to work really, really hard to get my knee-jerk temper under control, and really nothing fucks you up like thinking you're "fixed" but the reality winds up being you just were in a state of "nothing too stressful's happened lately" and then when things start getting incredibly stressful again, you realize you still have more work to do and you have to watch yourself way more than you thought.

I'm still not "fixed", and, after talking extensively with a therapist, I'm kind of just going to have to be okay with that; still trying to do right by the people I care about and not be an asshole about things, but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that in response to high anxiety and high stress, I become an angry person, and I'm not always going to be able to remember to take a step back from a situation when I feel myself getting heated (my success rate in this is going up at least)

So It Really.

Really.

Bothers Me.

When fandom tries to claim that a character isn't traumatized, or isn't traumatized enough, because their response to that trauma is to be violent and angry and malicious. And when they try to claim that because a character reacted this way, they're just evil and irredeemable and have no further depth to them, and any attempt to add depth (even canonical depth) to them is "wrong (and a sign the person doing it is an Abuser/Terrible Person irl)" or is "woobifying them".

And yeah. Part of what bothers me is that I tend to fall very hard for villain/antagonist characters that handle trauma badly, or otherwise have signs that they probably have some trauma they haven't exactly worked through, especially when that villain character gets to have a redemption arc. (And I do NOT mean that as "they cast away everything they were before and completely denounce and despise who they used to be and go through the whole repent and penance number". Give me more villain characters who are TRYING, who are STRUGGLING, who have conflicted feelings, who aren't an entirely new person and shouldn't be left to just wallow in self-hatred over it because!! no one!! deserves!! to wallow in self-hatred!! I want redemption arcs in the form of "person who did wrong is doing their best to be a better person" and NOT "character needs to suffer and be heartbroken and sad and unable to move on forever", I hate when I see people writing the latter shit, Idc what the character canonically did, no one who's genuinely trying deserves to be perpetually miserable and it is Highkey Concerning to see that attitude happen again and again) Plus, I LOVE media and character analysis, it is MY JAM, and.

Yeah.

I've got a lot of feelings that go into this kinda stuff. It's why when I see "no nuance!! just evil!!!"-type takes, that shit really boils my blood.

And is also why I don't actively participate in fandom anymore.

Like, yeah, I make some posts here and there. And I'd love to interact more with like-minded people -- I really love talking to others about characters and media and ships and all that good stuff!!

But I don't go searching for fandom stuff unless it's some art in a completely different language. After my last two fandoms went absolutely horrifically for me in two different ways, I think my trust in modern fandoms is just gone, and I don't think it's coming back.

There's only so many times a person can be told they're inherently evil (indirectly) or badwrong and stupid (directly) for a simple fucking opinion over goddamn fiction of all things.

#chaotic rants #my fandom in 2020 was the absolute worst btw #there was a lot of shit that happened there but the 1 incident that i was violently remembering mid-type #was how someone was writing a 'redemption arc' for my favorite character but #insisted and assured everyone that the character in question was NOT going to ever be happy and was just going to be miserable #and go through the pain of being a better person just FOR that pain because that's all they deserved #and. yeah. kinda hard to vibe with that #people kept talking about that AU like i should love it because i love that character #and was frustrated with everyone else always just killing or maiming the character in their shit #(or sticking them with their abusive parent and calling that 'deserved punishment' for their crimes) #(THAT one really fucks me up) #and im just like... #i dunno how to put into words how hurtful that is to me as both a lover of the character AND #as a person that has done some hurtful things in the past #bc i was a pretty fucked up teenager and it took a while for me to admit i dont get to do whatever i want #to whomever i want #just because i feel hurt and wronged #nothing like sitting there and being told you ARE your worst actions and deserve endless suffering forever bc of it

[percentstardust]

name: marissa but please call me rissa. i have also been called reese's russia and ridsa >:)

pronouns:     she/her/they/them

preference of communication:  discord i use im for those who don't have discord or for those who do not have my discord. i get distracted easily on here and pay more attention to discord.

most active muse:  YOU ASKING ME A MULTIMUSE THIS? i will name five of the muses that never leave my head space. rey skywalker. steve rogers. rebekah mikaelson. daenerys targaryen. diana prince. my most active muse depends on me and the month and who what fandom era i am in.

experience / how many years:  i have been rping on this site since 2011. i am am A VETERAN. i have been here so long. I WAS STILL IN HS WHEN I JOINED. my last year of hs but still. damn. started out in a transformers ( michael bayverse ) group and ended up in the tvd fandom in indie. started out with my oc nikia and then decided to write stefan. it was all over for me then.

platforms you use:  tumblr mostly though i will write on discord i am just even slower there lmfao

best experience: making friends and doing crack threads and posting shit posts

rp pet peeves: one of my biggest pet peeves is when i spend time talking to someone ooc, plotting with them, getting to know them, and even becoming friends with them AND THEN I AM SOFT BLOCKED / BLOCKED / GHOSTED with no explanation. WE OWE EACH OTHER BETTER COMMUNICATION AS PARTNERS. especially if i did something wrong. how am i going to know that? even if you don't wanna write with me anymore, i will understand. we will say our goodbyes and that's that. but, unfollowing me and dropping me like i meant nothing? nah. that's sick and twisted. i will block you so you can't make contact with me if you ever wanted to again. just because we are online does not mean we can't treat each other like we treat our friends irl. this annoys the hell out of me. you don't intend on at least communicating with me if you wanna cut contact, don't bother trying to get to know me. i have abandonment issues, bestie, don't add to them. another pet peeve is people not giving female muses the same attention and effort they give male muses. it's 2023. ENOUGH.

fluff,   angst,   or smut: fluff and angst. a good mix of both. i rarely smut so don't expect that a lot from me.

plots or memes: memes as ice breakers though i really prefer plotting with people. though, if you come to me first to interact with my muses, please have a muse of mine in mind you want to interact with and please also have a plot in mind. i will throw back muses and ideas myself if effort is made when i am approached first. i cannot stress this enough.

long or short replies:  can't do oneliners anymore honestly. my replies can go from one paragraph to two to sometimes four depending on my muse and mood for the thread / reply.

best time to write: my best time to write is when i feel like it or have the TIME.

are you like your muses:  i see myself in my ocs, especially ones i borrow things from myself for.

tagged by: @multistoty

tagging: @trihrid, @affcgato, @queenifice, @graunblida, @ofteaandmagic @ofblackskies @hopegained @dracharenae @purposetaken @kurtzbergsiblings @sah1x1s

#& ya local human disaster ( mun posts ) #dash games #happy munday >:)

[clotpolesonly]

hey :) i just wanted to say i saw your tags about engagement on a discord server and i'm really sorry to hear you've been feeling that way. it sucks so much to feel like you're doing something wrong no matter what you do, but i just wanted to say that i'm sure it's not your fault. for one thing, people will always complain, and if you talk more than someone, you're not taking talking space from them – anyone who implies that is just being critical for no reason, there's enough space for everyone on a server. plus, you're starting conversations, you're actually making room for people to join conversations, so they have absolutely no leg to stand on. it must be so frustrating to encourage activity and not get anything back, but that's not on you. you're doing a good thing, trying to keep a community alive. sometimes they just die down or activity declines and it's nobody's fault, and nothing anyone can do about it. you're doing great <3 i hope the anxiety calms down soon <3

thanks 🥺 i think part of this is a general distress from being a person with more staying power with most. by which i mean, when i pick a fandom, i STICK with it for a really long time, and most of my friends.......don't. so many of my friends have moved on to other fandoms that i have no interest in, and they no longer have an interest in the fandom(s) that i'm interested in. i'm really bad at maintaining friendships when we no longer have that common interest, and i'm also not great at making new friends apparently, so i've just kind of ended up without anyone to really talk to about it. i've got like 1 and a few halves fandom friends now 😅

so for the communities i've relied on for years to also start falling apart and fading away is really distressing. and the idea that, in trying to make it better and keep it going, i'm also somehow driving people away?? that kicked off one of the biggest emotional meltdowns i've ever experienced, not gonna lie. i started crying immediately and didn't stop for over an hour.

and i feel bad cuz i know i can't blame anyone else for losing interest or moving on, and i can't ask or expect them to try and force themselves to stay engaged with a fandom they don't care for anymore just because i'm lonely and can't move on to anything else. compounded by the fact that, frankly, i don't like the overall fandom nearly as much as i used to either, lol. being in it is anxiety-inducing in its own right, but no other fandom has managed to catch my eye (that has content to sustain me), so i have no alternative community or social safety net either.

it's just a catch-22 of an emotional clusterfuck. all this combining with significant irl stressors, the general world-wide Everything Is Going To Shit environment, and burnout from trying to make myself be productive because i MISS being productive and engaged and enthusiastic about things when i just can't anymore. so i'm constantly on edge and super reactive.

sorry to vent all this at you, aldkfhkhgh 😬😂 you're very kind and i appreciate the heck out of you. i am taking some deep breaths and getting a snack. ♥♥♥

#and the answer is #Anonymous #personal post #one enormous stressor off the table as of yesterday: new lease signed!!!! #we will NOT be homeless in two weeks 💪🏻 nice to have that sorted out lmao #we will however have like 5 days to pack up our entire apartment everything we own and move #so #that's gonna be fun