#i have been having insane mood swings recently

[meowpupp]

simon who lets you cry.

simon who sees the same heartbreak he sees in himself, the same desperate need for survival, the desperate need for rest.

simon who understands. he knows you don’t mean it. he knows you can’t control yourself what you snarl and bite. he knows you regret, he understands.

simon who doesn’t shy away when you get mad, when your chest heaves and your eyes narrow. he instead stays, calm hands gentle yet firm, helping you unclench your fists. he kisses the marks your nails leave on your palm.

simon who isn’t frightened, or angry, or upset. simon who understands. who struggles the same way you do.

simon who is there for every up and down, every tear and every smile. he does his research, finds the best techniques and learns them off by heart.

he knows. he understands. no, he isn’t mad. yes, you’re allowed to cry.

#i have been having insane mood swings recently #this is very self indulgent #i promise smut is on its way dw #my asks box is insane rn 💀 #ghost x reader #mw2 x reader #simon riley x reader #simon x reader

[viulus]

Brb going insane over the implications of Harry putting the ones he cares about on such a high pedestal that he basically deifies them in his head. From comparing his ex to Dolores Dei (who has literal churches dedicated to her and is basically this world's version of Jesus) to Kim having a halo behind his head from Harry's POV...

#vu's posts #disco elysium #hdbposting #i've been going especially insane over this fictional man over the last several days... he is So unwell <3333 #i recently had someone suggest to me that he may have bpd and... yeah #from his sudden mood swings to the way he clings so desperately to the ppl he loves... and puts them on a pedestal... etc etc #i will admit that i'm not the most knowledgeable about bpd... BUT #from what i do know about it it literally explains everything so well about him #anyways this man is very unwell and makes me insane. and i love him

[nerdieforpedro]

Angel in Disguise

Javier Peña x plus size female reader

This fic and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI

Word Count: a little over 1k

Summary: It's raining and it reminds you of your recent interactions with your best friend Javier Peña.

Warnings: unrequited love, angst, one person you work for should not drive, slight self-esteem issues?, possessiveness

Notes: I haven't posted anything for Javier Peña for a long time. I'm glad I was able to write something. This is one of two for @undercoverpena 's April Showers Challenge.

Main Masterlist/ Javier Peña Masterlist/ Writing Challenges Masterlist

Leaning against your desk, you’re looking out at another rainy day. Thankful that you keep a pair of rain boots in your office and at home. You’re thinking of last month and last week, how you’ve lied to Javier and yourself. It’s for the best though. 

Large drops remain on the window as the sound of the water falling intensifies. Last month you had finally worked up the, well with a shot or two of liquid courage to tell him. Tell Javier Peña that “yeah, we’re friends Javi but I want more from you. Have wanted more from you. I could make you happy, because I know you. We know each other. I can give you something simple, a life together.” One of your favorite dresses, your deep violet one that had the open shoulders you liked. Pretty and not too sexy you felt, just right.

Nothing was right that night. He walked in with a woman you were pretty sure was at least ten years younger than him or maybe she had excellent skincare and always used sunscreen. His hand looked perfect on her waist and so did hers on his. He introduced her to you as his girlfriend of the last six months. You’d heard him mention someone but didn’t think it was the same person. Was she the one that had large mood swings? Javier would never admit it but you know he craves a bit of drama. Something you rarely have any of. Dinner was nice at the bar. She seemed nice. Neither of them stopped smiling nearly the entire night. 

The only silver lining is that you live on a lower floor than Javier so you don’t hear that. You’d go insane if you heard them doing that. You’ve heard the rumors and have gotten the sense (though given your feelings you could be biased. Highly doubtful,) that most of them are true.

That night you went home by yourself, threw off your dress and flopped across the bed. You weren’t sure if the rain came down first or your tears but you do know that you cried yourself to sleep and woke up cold. 

That was last month. Now they’ve been together for seven months.

This week at work you were legitimately busy given that the ambassador you work for has decided to drive drunk and hit a lamppost, damn idiot. Of course he wants to use his diplomatic immunity and the policia would like to make an example out of him. Negotiations are led by you as you represent the embassy. Javier was able to catch you one day, say hello, how are you and ask what you thought of Camilla. Her name is even pretty, like her. She was polite and complimented your dress that night. Nothing bad to say about the woman except she exists or is doing so next to Javi.

You lied right to your friend’s face and told him that you like her, she seemed very sweet, that you three should go out for drinks and that she’s beautiful. The last one wasn’t a lie, she was stunning. The rest of it you’re still unsure how you made it all drop from your mouth so easily. His eyes light up and Javier says something that is as honeyed as it is a stab, “I’m glad you like her. I was worried you might not and then I’d have to wonder if she’s really right for me. You’re the best ángel.” You think you smiled and gave him a hug before going back to dealing with the ambassador issue. It’s a blur. Getting back to your office and stopping yourself from yelling took priority over before getting back on the phone about this drunkard’s problem which is yours.

Finally into the next week, you’ve settled the dispute between the policia and the ambassador. He’s required to pay for the damage and a substantial amount of money to the city of Bogata with a suitable donation to the policía as well. You should have left a few hours ago, but then you might have run into Javier on your way out. You need to steady yourself before seeing him. ‘Just act like I did two months ago. It will be fine.’ That’s what you tell yourself but you know your body will betray you when you see him. You feel the melancholy and longing again. 

The gray skies match your mood. Subdued. Drippy. Unsettled. Foreboding. Closing your eyes, you feel them fall against your cheek again, the tears rolling down. Twisting your body to reach for the tissue box you now keep on your desk, you pat your eyes to see Javier Peña in the middle of your office.

“Hey amiga, qué paso? (friend, what’s up?) You’re crying.” It’s kind that he asks, Javier is always kind. Before you can tell him you’re fine, he’s got an arm around you and kisses your forehead. “What’s wrong?” You won’t tell him why, he’s happy and you know he deserves it. Given the small pieces of how he came to be at the embassy. Broad strokes and rumors are what you know. Javier doesn’t talk about his time in Columbia or pursuing the Cali cartel. When it’s mentioned his face hardens, letting people know to change the subject.

“Just a tough day today, that's all Javi. Thanks.” Your head leans against his chest, breathing in his scent. Keeping your hands around the tissue you’d been dabbing your eyes with. A thought you immediately regret enters your mind:

Could she be an angel in disguise and leave him broken on a rainy day such as this? Maybe Javier would be standing out in the rain? Could you take him against your chest like he’s doing with you now?

No. It wouldn’t be the same. Javier is being a sincere friend to you right now. You would have an ulterior motive. 

A few more tears fall across your cheeks as a gust of wind blows the rain loudly against your window. Even the sky is scolding you:

Leave that man be, you’re the angel in disguise. 

Peeps who want a hug from Javier 😭:

@guelyury @yorksgirl @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @javierpena-inatacvest

@theywhowriteandknowthings @goodwithcheese @maggiemayhemnj @readingiskeepingmegoing @bitchwitch1981

@harriedandharassed @bishtrouille @schnarfer @katw474 @megamindsecretlair

@tinytinymenace @magpiepills @pedroshotwifey

#pedro pascal characters #javier pena fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #fanfiction #javier peña #javier pena x you #javier pena x plus size reader #undercoveraprilshowerschallenge

[thormanick]

Ok, some Fontaine Archon Quest impressions/recollections:

- The twins are lovely. Lynette had some great one-liners tbh

- Freminet is precious

- Furina is the queen of chaos. We love that

- The local justice system drives me completely insane with anxiety lol. Everything happens too fast and I have no idea how they manage not only to survive with it, but also to create energy from it. Also, putting faith in a machine, even if self-aware? No thank you on my part, I’d rather not hehe👀🙂also the way I was nervous with all the collected evidence presentation-

- Childe: *discusses his recent mood swings*

Me: …but have you considered the possibility of talking to therapist-

(My immediate thought was “ah, depression” (or something equally heavy), idk, it just… was a bit sudden turn of events, I guess? Like, I know Childe has been though a lot, but just to see him admit he’s not feeling too well… idk I’m worried for the boy🥲🥲🥲)

- SKIRK MENTIONED. YAY

- The way it absolutely took me out that I didn’t realize for a couple of minutes what the transcription for “Father” meant when Lyney and Traveller were taking about Arlecchino, when it was literally just… exactly what father means but in Russian lol

- Furina yay, beautiful job by VA. She is secretly a teenage girl in her spirit and would be great friends with Fischl, I don’t make the rules

- Neuvillette! Is indeed! Very nice! Idk why I’m surprised by this turn of event but like. He is very nice. Good for him

- To be honest, I did not expect to like Navia as much as I did. She was a delight, as well as her two guards(?)

- That collection of named belongings of the girls was a scary find. I really got quite unnerved. The justice in the end of the quest felt very… right.

- To be honest from all that I’ve seen, I expected Traveler to really dislike Lyney and Lynette after the reveal. But they were just… shaken and needed time and space to process the info? And we’re very calm? Sure, just leaving at the end of the dialogue was a quite cold, but very understandable in my eyes

- was Neuvillette bleeding the first time we saw blood in-game? Like, actively on the character?

- Overall I’m quite stressed but VERY very much intrigued. *mimicking Furina’s tone* Can’t wait for the unraveling of the story in full it’s glory!

- P.S. Jakob Ingolt is the same Jakob from the world quests, right? Man has a lot of behind-the-scenes presence (and, well, on-the-scene presence, if we take the world quests into consideration) in Fontaine…

-Also Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale is my personal "Her Excellency, the Almighty Narukami Ogosho, God of Thunder"

#genshin impact arlecchino #what a great set of quests #genshin impact #afinna explores teyvat #genshin impact thoughts #genshin impact fontaine #Genshin impact 4.0 #genshin impact lyney #Genshin impact lynette #genshin impact navia #genshin impact freminet #Genshin impact childe #genshin impact traveler #genshin impact furina #genshin impact neuvillette

[saintavangeline]

hi! i hope it won't come off as nosy, but i got really interested when you said you've been diagnosed with bipolar, and adhd on top of it... mainly because i have adhd, and for the past month i've been waiting to get a bipolar diagnosis confirmed, since my psychiatrist is suspecting it. i don't know anyone who has it and it feels a bit lonely to sail this boat, would it be okay if i asked you a few questions? (feel free to skip if you don't want to answer them!)

overall i just wanted to ask, what are your main symptoms and how does your adhd get worse with experiencing episodes? & are you able to experience remission with your current treatment (that's mostly for adhd, if i remember it correctly)? and also i just want to quickly say im insanely proud of you for managing to survive, and, despite all the difficulties, still finding your voice in music 🤍🤍

Hi! I don't mind these questions at all - I know firsthand how isolating and difficult it is to navigate these illnesses and especially when you're waiting on a formal diagnosis. Having adhd and bipolar (and in my case.. also a recent autism diagnosis) together can be incredibly difficult, but on the plus side, people with these disorders usually have some of the most creative minds in our society. So.. yay to that part of it's any consolation!

1. My main symptoms are lethargy/fatigue, ruminating, anxiety, issues with starting and completing tasks, impulsivity, memory issues/forgetfulness, poor time management and keeping a routine, mood swings, and (this is one I feel so so awful about and I'm trying so hard to work on) changing topics mid convo/interrupting.

2. When I experience episodes, I definitely feel like my ADHD exacerbates my symptoms. When I'm manic, I am go-go-go, do not eat for days, possessed and riddled with creativity and pull all-nighters frequently. It's like I'm on some sort of bender but my drug is creating things or getting really involved in a special interest or hobby. I'm also able to get a lot done and accomplish things I normally struggle knocking out. When I reach my depression cycle, ADHD paralysis keeps me immobilized on my couch or in my bed for sometimes entire days. I struggle to even get up and bathe.

3. Unfortunately no, I have not experienced remission. However, I will say that taking stimulants has helped numb out bad feelings when I'm low, and somewhat stabilizes me during mania. I don't feel AS extreme of mood shifts when I'm on stimulants, but it doesn't completely stop my symptoms.

4. I have tried other medications for treating bipolar in the past, and I have had horrible experiences with all of them, and some new trauma around coerced medication so finding something that will work is currently off the table for me in terms of drugs. I advise you be careful and trust your gut with whatever you're given. If you feel like something is wrong, you DO NOT have to keep taking it. And don't let anyone pressure you otherwise.

And thank you so much! Life has been incredibly hard and sometimes I am genuinely fighting for it, but my mania cycle is about to kick in finally (it always does around this time of year) and I'm ready to kick off LOL

I wish you the best of luck in your mental health journey, and props to you for advocating for yourself 🤍

#ask 🥀

[eatzmoth]

The Normal Album by Will Wood and what it means to me

hey just letting you know that this is a longish post ahead!! I hope you enjoy :D

Precursor- 

My autism always manifested in my weirdness. My parent's never quite knew I was autistic, especially due to the lack of research when I was growing up, so me being quirky or weird was just considered my personality. I would non-stop talk about things I was interested in and I often felt very immersive emotions. I talked in weird and eccentric ways- I even had to get speech therapy. Sometimes I was too hyper for them and sometimes I was also too loud (mostly for my dad who probably was also autistic) and I never really understood this. I didn't really get how to control my volume. My resistance to a change in schedule or being overwhelmed in environments were always chalked up to simply miss behaving, tiredness, stubbornness, or even just being easily scared because I was a child. These things never really left me, although as I reached middle school I started to mask as much as I could, including my emotions to the point I can't fully understand what I am feeling. I'm now a junior in highschool and i've been recently diagnosed as autistic. 

Even though in all regards my diagnosis is kind of early, I got diagnosed at 16 rather then when im 30 like some people, I still don't get any support. My school work is ok and I get good grades, but that doesn't take into consideration what my actual needs are. This is all my school pays attention to and when I suggest getting some accommodations i'm always the one expected to suggest specifi. ones and "see if it works." This doesn't help me since I don't exactly know what would help me. Additionally, when I talk to my therapist about it she's usually unfamiliar with terms I use and she gives me room to vent rather then give me advice on how to unmask (she sees masking as a really good skill and it is but she never addresses how it can be very harmful to me). Any efforts to unmask, to sit down and allow myself to process what I feel (not only am I learning new concepts like overstimulation and my relationship to them, im also working through possible alexithymia), feel like im rediscovering part of myself and uncover my true self. Sometimes this feels like a blessing, sometimes it makes me feel hopeless, and sometimes it makes me feel- for the lack of a better word- insane. I constantly double guess myself and wonder if im making it up, even though I got professionally diagnosed! 

The Normal Album-

Last year I discovered Will Wood and The Tapeworms. Their whole discography is just fantastical and I suggest listening to them and Will Wood's solo career, but I especially felt a connection to The Normal Album by Will Wood. The Normal Album is about deviating from the norm- whether that be regarding gender or being neurodivergent, and how that effects your relationship with others. Both things I relate to considering im genderqueer and autistic. This album helps me not only express my feelings but also helps me feel seen. It encompasses my whole feeling about who I am. I feel like I need to hide and alter certain parts of myself- but I also really don't wan't to and i'm starting to let go of that feeling. I'm trying to accept myself and be who I am but i'm still worried about how this will affect my relations, and I wish people were more accepting. It matches the mood swings I experience since I can't regulate my emotions easily (other then just completely going numb). It also especially matches the feeling that this all being fabricated and maybe im just imaging it all.

Out of all the songs I mostly resonate with 2econd 2night 2eer, I/Me/Myself, ...well, better than the alternative, and Love, Me Normally.

I was originally going to go through the songs that I resonate to the most but that still would have been too much and the whole album is important to me so GO LISTEN TO THE NORMAL ALBUM ITS WORTH IT!! 

#autistic #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #lgbtq+ #lgbtq #genderqueer #willwood #will wood #willwoodandthetapeworms #will wood and the tapeworms #music #okbutthisisaresultofmanymentalbreakdownsandalittlebitofahyperfixation #iguessit'sjustsomethingpeopledo #neurodivergent #asd

[romantic-reveries]

Just had a guy tell me he’s falling in love with me and like—is this what they mean by fuck around and find out?

It’s all so annoyingly serendipitous. He’s been weirdly good for me on the heels of B. He’s so verbally validating and affectionate. He’s this weird culmination of manifestations—I’d been wanting someone to fool around with who would dirty talk me straight out of my mind, and boom, there he was. It literally makes me feel drunk, and the orgasms? My god.

With B, we’d stay on the phone until we decided we were gonna sleep, and I would sometimes wish we could stay on the phone until we fell asleep—all night. Maybe wake up together. This one asked me to do that only a few days in. Something I’ve wanted—not specifically with B, but I did think about it with him—was one day with a partner, to read to each other. Read poetry or a book or something. And when B and I decided to have a two-person book club, I thought ‘maybe’. This one asked me if I wanted him to read to me within the first few nights, and recently, asked me to read to him. And he recited a poem to me from memory.

But he’s not what I would want for a relationship. Even if I weren’t still hung up on B, this one is so… emotionally tumultuous. I’ve worked so damn hard to heal and be better. I need a partner who is stable. I can’t fix someone, and I don’t want to have to. I deserve someone who has already done the fixing themselves. And this one tries—I have to give him that. He said part of what attracts him to me is that I’m so emotionally stable and level, which is… weirdly validating, but again, like a really weird fucking mirror of the situation with B. Like the other side of a coin, and now I’m the healthy one, observing myself in someone else’s body.

I went from wanting someone stable to being that to someone else. And this guy, he lives three hours further from me than B did, and yet he’s saying the drive is no big deal—that if we met, if we ended up dating, he’d come to me, or he’d come pick me up and bring me to stay with him for a week (which would be a 20 hour drive, all told, here and back twice.) That feels like an insane ask. Which, he just flew to Europe a few months ago to meet a girl he started dating online, so yeah, I guess—what’s five hours to him?

It’s just—so weirdly paralleled it’s fucking mind-boggling. And he reminds me a lot of me. A more unhealed version of me, with worse mood swings than I ever had, but the same struggles nonetheless. He even mentioned how he wants someone emotionally stable, which “maybe makes him sound like an asshole”, and maybe isn’t fair since he “has issues too” and I’ll be damned if that isn’t exactly what I’ve been thinking for myself lately. I even said as much to someone, that maybe it was unfair of me to feel that way since I have issues too, but I’ve worked so hard to heal.

And then I was talking with my grandma last night before bed, and I mentioned, realizing how much this guy likes me and I don’t feel insecure or anything except for the occasional moment when I suddenly feel very attached, how it’s all a perspective game based on old emotional patterns (unworthiness, mostly) that’s breeding those feelings of insecurity. It’s not about the other person, it’s about me. How I was drowning in it with B because I liked him so much it made me insecure and irrational. How I suddenly realized how much of what happened was kind of my fault for getting so in my head. Anyway, when I mentioned this guy having feelings for me, she said something to the effect of not wanting to lead him on, and I said I wasn’t, he knew how I felt, I’ve been very upfront, he’s even said he doesn’t know what he wants, etc etc.

Just to get on the phone with him and him drop that on me. The timing was uncanny.

I can’t help but feel like this was supposed to happen like this. Like I needed to learn from it, and I am.

I even had an insane epiphany about B after that conversation last night. I feel this sense of pattern more keenly than I ever have. I’ve often felt like a metaphorical ping pong ball, disorganized and bouncing all over the place. This is the first time it’s felt so methodical. Like there’s a method to this madness called life.

I realized with B, that while I thought I was being “realistic” about things in trying to keep myself safe, I actually was just running scared. I was feeling rejected and I wanted to cut things off before he could, because I felt so sure that he would. I didn’t feel good enough for him partly because I liked him so much (which always makes me insecure because it’s sort of putting someone on a pedestal), but also because he was so stable and put-together that it didn’t make sense to me for him to want me. I was afraid that if he changed his mind, having all of these great qualities that I admired, and knowing me probably better than anyone bar my grandma, that it would reaffirm that I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t about him—it was about me. I’m accountable for my own feelings. But I made them his problem, and I assumed the worst of him based on past experiences with other people and that was excruciatingly unfair of me.

And I feel so light, realizing that. Because I haven’t really quite been able to flesh it out ‘til now. I knew I reacted how I did out of fear and because I didn’t feel good enough. But I couldn’t quite parse it out to that level and really understand it, and I do now, and it’s liberating and wonderful to know.

#2.23.23 #personal

[misshoneyimhomeagain]

Chapter 12 - 

Summary: it's finally Christmas, and Julia finds herself among her friends she'd come to known in Toronto, since she can't spend the day with her family;

Tags; William NylanderxOfc; “We never go out of style”

Warnings;  alcohol consumption; mentions of sexual behaviour; 

Author’s notes: so, I've realised just how terrible I am at making up names... I apologise; anyway, not much to say here, besides, I probably could have ended it here, which was an initial idea... however, I've chosen not to - so please don't hate me, and I still hope you'll enjoy it; 😅

Word count: 5.6K+

_

"So Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe"

Pour out the wine, let's toast and pray for December snow I know there's been pain this year, but it's time to let it go Next year, you never know But for now, Merry Christmas

"Merry Christmas" by Ed Sheeran & Elton John

_

As Christmas day drew nearer, Julia found herself longing for a break from the relentless questioning by Charlie, about her feelings for William and the intricacies of their relationship. The constant prodding had become somewhat overwhelming, and she felt the need to put a temporary halt to it. While she knew Charlie's intentions were well-meaning, Julia needed time to process her emotions, especially her fear that William might not share the same feelings.

"Char, I love you, but I just need a little time…" Julia said over the phone to her friend, who was en route to her parents' home for the holiday.

"I know, JJ, I'm just so excited – I really think it could be so great between you!" Charlie's enthusiasm resonated through the phone. "We all do."

Julia couldn't help but smile at her friend's unwavering support. "Thanks, I’ll think about it…" She let out a sigh. "We're just not like you and Auston – you two are like soulmates… you even share the same birthday."

Charlie chuckled, acknowledging the uniqueness of her own relationship. "Which, in a way, is also super weird…" She replied, "Besides, it's not like we don't have our own challenges… it's not all perfect, although it often seems like it. I mean, do you know how often we're both concerned about if this is even going to work out? With his insane schedule, and my constant mood swings, not to mention how often I'm overly jealous…"

Julia listened attentively to her friend's candid confessions. Charlie was right, no relationship was without its challenges. Despite the public perception of their perfect match, she and Auston had their own issues to work through.

Trying to console her friend, Julia offered a light-hearted comment, "Char, I wouldn't worry too much about your jealousy… Auston's just the same, and I do believe if anyone's a great match, it's the two of you." Her words elicited a chuckle and agreement from Charlie.

"But please, just think about talking to Willy?" Charlie pleaded.

With a smile and a light chuckle, Julia agreed to consider her friend's suggestion. Charlie then turned her attention to her travel plans as she headed to her parents' home, leaving Julia with a lot to contemplate.

Sunday, 25th

Sunday finally marked Christmas day, and Julia had her plans set. She was going to spend the day with her colleagues, Leslie Evans and his wife, along with Andrew, Tyler, and Phoebe. This year had been particularly tough for Andrew due to his recent divorce, so Leslie extended an invitation to him to join their Christmas celebration. And while Tyler and Phoebe were initially supposed to spend the day with their mother, she had come to make last-minute plans to travel with some other single girlfriends, leaving the kids without a place to go for the holiday. So, they gladly accepted the invitation to join Julia and Camille at the Evans' house.

And the Evans' house exuded nothing but a warm and inviting atmosphere, a place that Julia found undeniably homey, as it radiated an air of comfort, infused with the warmth of family values. The centrepiece of the living room was the grand Christmas tree, standing tall and proudly adorned with sparkling ornaments. Its presence brought a sense of festivity and joy to the house, meanwhile, the delightful scents of holiday cooking wafted from the kitchen, teasing everyone's senses.

Julia and Camille had arrived just before noon, and they were eager to lend a helping hand in the preparations for the Christmas roast. While Mrs. Evans and Julia teamed up in the kitchen, Camille and Leslie took charge of setting and decorating the dining table with an array of Christmas ornaments. The air was filled with the excitement of creating a festive atmosphere, and the house buzzed with anticipation, especially when Andrew, Tyler and Phoebe joined in a few moments later. 

Both Andrew and Julia had contributed homemade dishes to the feast, each dish carrying the unique traditions of their respective families, and as the group worked tirelessly to create a welcoming and festive environment, their efforts were unexpectedly interrupted by the doorbell's cheerful chime. 

To Julia's great astonishment, a group of Swedes, including William, Rasmus, Timothy, and Pierre, had gathered outside the door, accompanied by Pierre's girlfriend, Mathilda.

"Well, hello there,” Julia greeted them with a welcoming smile. "What are you guys doing here?"

The Swedes responded with good-natured laughter, and Julia graciously stepped aside to allow them entry into the house. 

"You invited us all?" William playfully reminded her, and Julia simply couldn't help but nod, a grin forming on her face.

"Well, I guess I just didn’t expect you all to actually come…” she chuckled. “But of course – you're all most welcome."

After closing the door behind them, she kindly offered to help the Swedes with their coats, as Camille came to join in the hallway.

“Oh God, it's like a Swedish invasion in here," she joked, a playful grin adorning her face, earning the Swedes let out heartfelt chuckles as they offered Julia a selection of homemade dishes. 

"Just a little something of Swedish traditional Christmas food." Rasmus announced, with a mischievous grin.

"Well, I know your skills in the kitchen are no better than Willy's, so I hope for everyone's sake that Matilda has been the one doing the cooking,” Julia couldn't resist a teasing comment.

And Mathilda, with a smile, was quick to reassure her, "Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t let any of them near the kitchen."

The unexpected arrival of the Swedes injected a burst of excitement into the holiday celebration, filling the house with laughter and the mingling scents of diverse cuisines. New and old friends came together to celebrate Christmas in style, creating a festive and vibrant atmosphere.

And William couldn't help but chuckle as he took in Julia's attire. "What are you wearing?" he asked with a grin, looking her up and down, noticing her merry outfit and the sweet red bow that tied up half her long, blonde, curled, hair. 

Julia proudly displayed her colourful, home-knitted jumper, adorned with various festive figures and snowflakes. "What? It's my Christmas jumper, that’s the prober dress code,” she explained with a soft smile.

William's eyes crinkled with amusement. "It's cute."

As always, he exuded his effortlessly stylish, laid-back, streetwise look. He had that innate ability to look cool without seemingly putting in any effort. His beard was neatly trimmed, and his hair, now at a good length, was casually pulled back in a half-up man bun, a look that suited him perfectly.

And as the Swedes made their way into the living room, Phoebe rushed excitedly towards William, her face lighting up with joy. "Wonka!"

William couldn't help but chuckle and warmly embraced Phoebe's enthusiastic hug, her joy contagious.

"Will you help me place the star on the top of the Christmas tree?" the young girl pleaded, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Of course," William chuckled, and with a gentle motion, he lifted the little girl in his arms, ensuring that she could reach and place the star just right. It was a heart-warming moment that Julia couldn’t help but smile at, before she made her way to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Tyler, was left speechless, his wide eyes filled with wonder, as he found himself surrounded by most of the Swedes from his favourite hockey team, a truly unexpected turn of events that he couldn't quite wrap his head around.

And soon the house buzzed with activity as everyone worked together to make space for the guests at the dinner table. Additional items were brought in to extend the table, ensuring there would be enough room for everyone to sit comfortably.

Leslie, observing the bustling preparations, couldn't help but marvel at the number of guests present, and approached Julia with a warm smile and offered his congratulations. "I don't think we've ever had this many people at our Christmas events. You've really outdone yourself, Julia."

Julia beamed with pride, grateful for the success of her Christmas gathering. “Well, apparently being friends with a hockey team does wonders.”

While Tyler enthusiastically chatted with his favourite hockey players and bombarded them with questions, Camille couldn't help but notice William's gaze drifting towards Julia, and she saw this as the perfect opportunity to engage him in a candid conversation.

"So, if you don't mind me asking... what's going on between you two?" she inquired with a friendly smile, earning a casual chuckle from William.

"What do you mean?"

Camille playfully raised her eyebrows and continued, "Well, you both seem rather into each other."

William leaned back in his chair, maintaining a pleasant smile. "Oh, yeah, we're just good friends."

But Camille persisted, her tone carrying a hint of curiosity. "Mmm hmm, yeah, you both keep saying that. I'm just wondering if maybe, just maybe, that first night of yours has had an impact on your friendship?"

William chuckled once more. "Maybe, I mean, she's definitely something special."

Camille kept her smile, but her tone turned slightly more serious, protective. "Oh, darling, you have no idea just how special she is." They sat in a comfortable moment of silence, before Camille added, "Well, no matter what, I'm just glad she's got you. You seem like a really good fit for her."

William felt somewhat surprised by her last words and offered a light chuckle. "Yeah? I thought you didn't like me after that night...morning…"

Camille considered his words. "Hmm, just between us, I'd probably have done the same." She offered a warm smile. “Just promise me that no matter what, you be nice to her. Cause that girl might come off all strong and over it, but she’s fragile… and she’s my best friend, I’ll do anything to protect her.” Camille added with a cheeky wink.

Believing she was referring to Julia’s last break-up with Ezra, William simply nodded with a grin in return, his eyes briefly darting towards Julia, who was engrossed in a conversation with Leslie, and her sweet laughter filled the room. His smile widened as he took Camille's words to heart. "I believe you," he replied, his voice carrying genuine sincerity.

And as the evening continued, the lively conversation flowed seamlessly from room to room, and amidst all the enchantment of the holiday, Rasmus and Camille found themselves sharing meaningful glances, exchanging looks that hinted at a connection that appeared to transcend the festive spirit.

Julia had always known Camille to be rather flirtatious – and considering that Rasmus's recent fling since the Christmas gala hadn't quite panned out, it was likely he was in the mood for another distraction. And Camille, with her charming personality, seemed to fit the bill rather nicely.

And during the delightful meal, the conversations continued to flow effortlessly. The Swedes described their various traditions, ranging from the dishes they would serve to the songs they'd sing around the Christmas tree. Each had unique details to share based on the region they hailed from, and William briefly touched on the cultural distinctions between his Canadian upbringing and his Swedish experiences.

Even Andrew chimed in, sharing insights into his mother's Italian heritage and the impact it had had on his life and traditions. Amid the merriment and the backdrop of Christmas carols, it became evident how Toronto was known for its multicultural community, boasting over 250 different ethnicities.

As dinner conversation continued, Rasmus, always inquisitive, couldn't resist probing further. "So, JJ, do you have any funny Christmas stories from England?"

Julia paused for a moment, gently placing her cutlery on her empty plate. "Actually, I've spent most of my Christmases in Denmark with my brothers and father," she replied, accompanied by a warm smile.

"Ah, so you're truly a Scandinavian at heart," Timothy remarked with a chuckle, earning Julia's smile to widen. 

"I suppose so,” she replied. “I guess, even though I’ve spent most of my childhood in England, my fondest and most cherished memories are from Denmark."

And as she shared stories about how she, her father, and her grandfather had been the ones in the kitchen, preparing the roast, meanwhile her brothers had been playing around or watched the Christmas show, and her grandmother would be in charge of decorating the tree and the dinner table, nods of understanding circled the table. Even William, who had heard many of these stories before, couldn't help but smile at Julia's animated storytelling. He simply enjoyed her way of sharing, and how her voice was filled with joy and happiness.

"And trust me, if you ever have the privilege to meet JJ's fathers, you'll see that she's without a doubt her father's daughter,” Camille chimed in, adding her own perspective. “Temper, passionate, and everything – especially when it comes to sports."

Laughter filled the room.

"Temper?" Rasmus laughed. "Don’t tell us you’re a hard-core fan, JJ?"

"Oh, absolutely!” Julia chuckled. “I swear, every time we watch a match, you should be thankful you can't hear me shouting from the stands."

Andrew and Camille joined in the merriment, affirming her playful confession.

And speaking of the devil, following a delightful Christmas roast, Julia received a phone call from her father, and so she politely excused herself and retreated to the quieter hallway for their conversation. 

Despite the late hour at her father's location, they exchanged warm Christmas wishes and shared a heart-warming chat. She missed her family a lot, but the company tonight, had definitely made her feel less emotional. 

As she wrapped up her phone conversation and ended the call, William approached her slowly with an expression that blended warmth and curiosity. The soft, inviting glow of the Christmas tree's lights added a touch of enchantment to the room.

"So, how's your family?" he asked in a gentle tone, and Julia returned his smile. 

"All good, thanks."

The atmosphere between them felt tender, with the other guests bustling around in the living room and kitchen, their voices blending with the festive ambiance.

"By the way, I have something for you," William then continued, and handed her a small box adorned with delicate, shimmery paper and a golden butterfly.

Julia accepted the box gingerly, her curiosity visible through her smile, and as she carefully unwrapped it, she uncovered a white gold bracelet adorned with a small amulet in the shape of an airplane.

While Pierre and Timothy had been Christmas shopping for gifts for their girlfriends, William had stumbled upon the bracelet, and his first thought was simply Julia. Initially he thought it might be a little strange to gift his best friend a piece of jewellery, but with encouragement from his mates, he caved and made the purchase. And as soon as he saw Julia’s reaction, he had no doubts that it was the right choice. 

With a deep breath, her mouth formed into an 'o,' and her eyes widened in disbelief at the thoughtful gift.

"Oh, Willy, it's gorgeous," Julia complimented in a soft, humble tone, gazing up at her friend, who wore a satisfied grin. "I can’t believe… Thank you!"

William chuckled at her reaction. "You like it?"

"Like it? Darling, I love it!"

Their shared laughter filled the room, and Julia playfully remarked, "But now you're making me feel bad." William was momentarily puzzled by her words, but then she turned around, retrieved a slightly longer rectangular box from her bag, and handed it to him. "If I had known we were exchanging gifts, I would have bought you something as well," she quipped with a playful tone.

It turned out to be a fortunate coincidence that Julia had William's gift ready in her bag, as she hadn't expected him to show up tonight. Nonetheless, she was pleased to have it.

And William couldn't help but let out a chuckle as he opened the box, revealing the neck chain Julia had noticed during their recent shopping trip.

"Wow, JJ… this is really cool," he said with genuine appreciation, offering her a grateful smile.

"Really?" she asked, a bit uncertain about whether he truly liked it or was simply being polite.

"Yes! I love it, it's amazing," he exclaimed with authentic enthusiasm. And as he wrapped his arms around Julia's slender figure, they shared a soft, intimate connection for a moment. 

As they both stepped back, William took the bracelet and put it gently around Julia’s wrist, meanwhile her mind raced with questions. Did she truly love William? Then their eyes locked, and in that unspoken moment, the intensity of her feelings was undeniable.

However, their intimate moment was interrupted by a light chuckle. It was Phoebe, the sweet young girl who had been discreetly observing them.

Julia turned her head to face the young girl, her laughter bubbling up. "What's up, Phoebe?"

Phoebe simply giggled and pointed upwards. "You're standing under the mistletoe…" She indicated the little green plant hanging above them.

Both Julia and William looked up, exchanged glances, and realised that they were indeed standing beneath the mistletoe.

And Phoebe couldn't resist chiming in again, her innocent enthusiasm palpable. "Kiss."

A brief moment of hesitation hung in the air, uncertainty briefly engulfing them. But with a small amount of confidence, Julia decided to reach up and plant a gentle kiss on William's cheek. However, in that very same moment, he had the same idea, vice versa, and they accidentally found their lips meeting in a spontaneous and unexpected kiss.

The kiss, soft and tender, held an air of innocence in its brevity. Their lips met for just a fleeting moment, but it was enough to kindle a warm, fluttering sensation within Julia. As they stood there, locked in that intimate moment, she couldn't help but acknowledge just how much she had come to like this man. Her racing thoughts and the world around them seemed to fade into the background, leaving only the gentle touch of their lips.

However, once again, Phoebe's giggle, a sweet and innocent sound, broke the spell, and she swiftly made her way back into the living room, leaving Julia and William in a shared moment of contemplation.

They both stood still for another minute, their eyes locked in a silent exchange, basking in the lingering warmth of their accidental kiss. And eventually, William offered a slight smirk, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes, and he broke the silence.

"God Jul, JJ," (Happy Christmas, JJ) he murmured, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Julia, still feeling the fluttering warmth in her heart, didn't know how else to respond other than with the simple words, "Glædelig jul, Willy," (Merry Christmas, Willy) she whispered, her voice carrying a hint of tenderness.

Another moment of silence hung in the air, a brief pause pregnant with unspoken thoughts, before Rasmus intervened with a cheerful reminder.

"Come on, you two, we're having desserts!"

After enjoying their heavenly desserts, the guests gathered in the living room, the warmth of the fireplace adding a cosy touch to the atmosphere. Rasmus had casually settled into one of the lounge chairs, wearing a mischievous grin as he playfully gestured for Camille to come and join him in his lap. William, catching on to the playful mood, replicated the gesture to Julia, and not one to be left out, she swiftly joined in to jokingly mock the flirtatious couple. They all then began to share Christmas stories and their own family traditions, bringing up all sorts of childhood memories. 

Laughter and warm conversations filled the room, creating a joyful and heart-warming atmosphere. And the cosy ambiance was almost too much for the two children to resist, and Phoebe quickly caved into the warmth, drifting off to sleep on the sofa, while Tyler, despite his best efforts to stay awake, eventually succumbed as well, his eyelids growing heavy as he slowly drifted off into dreamland.

And as the room was filled with the gentle hum of conversation and the crackling of the fire, the guests enjoyed each other's company on this magical Christmas night. Julia couldn't help but lean into William's comforting body, seeking solace in his presence amidst the cheerful atmosphere. Yet, she couldn't escape her own racing thoughts.

What frustrated her the most was that William seemed completely unbothered by their close proximity. He laughed and engaged in the conversation with ease, as if there was nothing unusual going on between them. It was as if they hadn't shared a timid kiss just a couple of hours earlier. His arm around her felt more like a friendly gesture, and it was becoming increasingly clear to Julia that he was indeed enjoying her company, just as a friend.

As the night wore on, Andrew left to take his children home for bedtime, and Pierre, Mathilda, and Timothy also decided it was time to say their goodbyes. That left Julia, William, Rasmus, Camille, and Leslie and his wife in the cosy living room.

Julia, ever the friendly soul, found herself naturally gravitating towards the kitchen to assist with the remaining clean-up. That until Camille, wearing a mischievous glint in her eye, approached her for a brief conversation.

"So… would you think less of me if I chose not to spend the night at your place?" she playfully inquired, her eyes subtly hinting at Rasmus.

Julia couldn't help but chuckle at her friend's flirtatious tone. "Seriously, Sandin?" She laughed, thinking about the unspoken connection between Camille and Rasmus that had been filling the air all evening, and let out a contented sigh, accompanied by a warm smile. "Well, does it really matter what I think?"

"Probably not…" Camille replied with a teasing grin.

Julia chuckled again and exchanged a knowing look with Camille. "Alright, go and enjoy yourself, babe."

With a chuckle, the two friends agreed to go their separate ways for the night, and Camille headed to the hallway to retrieve her coat and prepare to leave with Rasmus. Julia, catching the sly grin on Rasmus's face, as he approached her in the kitchen, couldn't resist sending them off without a playful remark. 

"Oh, wipe that smirk off your handsome face, love! And you better treat her well," Julia advised Rasmus, approaching the Swede with a mock-serious tone.

Rasmus's grin widened as he responded, "Well, how about we call it even, JJ? I sleep with your best friend, just as you've slept with mine."

Julia's eyes widened at his comment. "What did you just say?"

"You heard it.” Rasmus chuckled. “I know about you and my boy, Willy."

"Fuck… You know?" Julia raised an eyebrow, still in disbelief and puzzlement about how he had found out. "How did you...?" She trailed off for a moment, the pieces of the puzzle coming together in her mind. "Cam?"

Rasmus nodded, his grin still in place.

“When?”

“When you and Willy were in the hallway, talking.”

Julia couldn’t hold back a light chuckle as she yielded to the truth and let out a soft sigh. 

“Hey,” Rasmus added with a soft smile, “I’m just happy he’s getting some… or did.” He offered Julia a wink, and they shared another moment of laughter as Camille came to bid her final farewell, and she and Rasmus made their way out of the house. 

_

About a minute later, Mrs. Evans approached Julia. "Here, let me finish up, dear. Thank you so much for everything tonight."

Julia responded with a warm smile, offering her appreciation to the gracious lady, before she then proceeded to the living room, where she found William standing.

"Looks like it's just you and I left," he remarked, a smile adorning his face.

“Seems like it,” Julia returned his smile. 

And with a little hesitation, amidst the soft music, William then spoke again. “Dance with me?” he timidly asked, letting out his hand for her. 

Julia returned his smile, her eyes glistening in the room's soft light. Her heart quickened at the mere thought of slow dancing with William in the cosy living room, causing her palms to grow sweaty and her blood to course with exhilaration. 

However, she reminded herself to remain composed. William was her friend, and he was merely extending a friendly invitation.

With a gentle shake of her head, she released a soft sigh. "Actually, I'd like to head home," she said with a tender voice. "I'm feeling a bit tired." She added a sweet smile to her words, and William nodded.

"At least let me drive you home?" he offered kindly.

Julia gave a slight nod, and together, they made their way to the hallway to retrieve their coats from the wardrobe. And after bidding their farewells to the Evans family, Julia and William embarked on a drive through the bustling streets of Toronto, a familiar journey they had taken many times before.

As soft music played in the background, the city's lights passed by the car's windows, and Julia found herself lost in thought, trying to gather her emotions.

"Hey, you’re ok?" William gently inquired, attempting to catch her gaze, his voice carried a touch of concern.

Shaking her head, Julia turned to face him and offered a reassuring smile. "I'm fine, just a bit tired." And accepting her response, William nodded and refocused on the snowy road ahead.

It had truly been an amazing day, filled with warmth, delicious food, a family-like atmosphere, and cosy vibes. Julia couldn't help but smile at the thought of how lovely her night had been. She hadn't missed her family as much as she had feared, and the best part was that she hadn't even thought for a second about Ezra or the anniversary of their engagement that she and he were supposed to celebrate.

It had been the perfect night, and as Julia turned her head to appreciate the handsome man beside her, she couldn't deny the depth of her feelings.

But her stream of thoughts was interrupted by the car coming to a stop, and a quiet moment enveloped them as the two friends exchanged gentle smiles.

Julia then briefly parted her lips, trying to find the words she longed to say – word like 'I've got feelings for you, Willy' or 'I think I want something more than friendship' – forming in her thoughts. However, her voice seemed to fail her, and nothing came out.

William sat in momentary curiosity, as if waiting for her to open up. But instead, he initiated the conversation. "Thank you for a fantastic day, JJ. It was a lot of fun," he said, flashing her a sweet grin.

Setting aside the choice of revealing her feelings, Julia found it easier to express her gratitude. "You're most welcome, Willy. It's me who should be thanking you – you've truly made this Christmas perfect," her eyes shimmered in the soft car lights.

With a light chuckle, William simply nodded. "Let’s agree we both made this holiday perfect for each other." To which Julia responded with a matching laugh of agreement. And before leaving the car, she gently placed a soft kiss on William's cheek and proceeded to her apartment building.

_

December 26th

The day after Christmas found Julia in a state of emotional turmoil. Her feelings for William had grown far deeper than she ever anticipated, and it left her with a persistent ache in her chest. Seeking comfort, she opted for the classic approach of a grown woman in need - she cocooned herself on the sofa, donned her cosiest pyjamas, and cradled a steaming cup of tea, all while indulging in a heart-warming Christmas movie: Love Actually.

Though. she had watched this movie countless times, its familiar storyline provided a comforting backdrop to her thoughts. The film's heart-warming tales of love and connection served as both a balm and a reminder of the complexities of her own feelings.

Meanwhile, Camille returned from her night with Rasmus, an evening filled with excitement and details that she was far from shy to share. It was precisely what Julia needed to lighten her mood, and Camille joined her on the sofa after a refreshing shower, with all sorts of comforting snacks in hand, earning for Julia to pause the movie.

With a mischievous grin, Camille couldn't help but share the wonders of the night, emphasizing Rasmus' extraordinary physique. 

“I’m just sayin’! That hockey boy’s got quite the stick.”

“I didn’t really need to know that Cam!” Julia exclaimed with a chuckle.

But Camille simply shrugged, her tone playfully defiant. “What? He was a good time,” she said with a smirk.

And the two friends shared a chuckle as they snuggled under the blanket on the sofa, indulging in chocolates and popcorns. However, the laughter gradually faded, and Julia's heavy emotions began to resurface.

Camille, adopting a more serious tone, gently but firmly voiced her concern. “Babe, you've got to tell him how you feel…”

Julia, still grappling with her emotions, responded with a touch of vulnerability in her voice. "I know, I just don't know how... I mean, I don't want to risk it, you know... I'm not sure if I can handle another heartache." Her eyes laid bare the depth of her inner turmoil, and Camille could see the battle raging within her best friend's heart.

"He's not Ezra, JJ," she offered, doing her best to console her friend.

Julia managed to muster her best smile. "I know – it's worse; he's actually a good lad," she joked. “And by the way… we have got to do something about you sharing our secrets! I can’t believe you told Sandin…” Julia exclaimed, earning a loud laughter from Camille.

“Ah come on – I know you like when I pish your boundaries… besides, that’s what best friends are for.”

Their light laughter once again filled the room, a moment of shared comfort in the face of emotional uncertainty. And as they finished their cups of tea and chattered about all sorts of stories about dating, heartaches, one-night-stands and more, Julia’s mind gradually came ease. 

"Alright, enough with the heavy," Julia then spoke, eager to shift away from the sombre mood. She brightened up and offered a warm smile. "If you’ve got to do my hair, let's do it now before I open one of my fancy wines and we get all pissed."

And with those words, Camille exclaimed her excitement and. Julia turned off the telly only to retrieve her best vinyl records – The Best of All Christmas Bangers – a gift she had received from her father the previous Christmas, to place on the record player.

As the festive tunes filled the room, Julia settled into the chair, ready for Camille to work her magic on her hair, all while enjoying the cheerful music. The combination of Camille's skilled hands and the upbeat melodies brought a sense of joy and lightness to the atmosphere. The prospect of indulging in fine wine and loud music, with her best friend by her side, helped Julia momentarily forget her heartache and revel in the simple pleasures of life. 

And as soon as her hair was done, all bright with new highlights and a fresh haircut, all skilfully done by Camille, more wine was poured, photos were taken and snapchats were send. 

As the wine flowed and their spirits lifted, Camille's brilliant idea of a fashion show added a playful twist to their evening. It began with them showcasing their fashionable clothing, posing, and strutting around the room. The music and laughter only heightened the sense of fun and adventure.

Meanwhile, William was spending the day and evening with his team. Even though they had a road trip ahead of them, they had all agreed to gather at the Scotiabank Arena along with the trainers and staff of the MLSE to share in the Christmas spirit. It had become a cherished tradition for the team on Boxing Day, a day for them to come together as the close-knit family that they had become after years of spending so much time together.

During this special occasion, team managers delivered heartfelt speeches about the season ahead and what they were looking forward to. However, the emphasis was not only on the professional side of the game but also on the personal and spiritual aspects. They highlighted the significance of supporting one another as teammates and building and maintaining the strong bond between them. This time was a reminder of the deeper connections that existed between them, beyond the world of hockey.

As William returned to his condo, he couldn't help but notice the numerous Snapchat notifications from Julia on his phone, and a smile graced his face as he went through the mix of photos and videos that showed Julia and Camille enjoying their day. It was clear they were having a good time, relishing good food, and savouring wine after what seemed to be a spa day and self-pampering.

And just as he had comfortably settled onto his spacious sofa and was clicking through the photos, he suddenly stumbled upon a different picture of Julia. She was striking a pose in her finest bright red lingerie, her confidence radiating from her fit, slender body, her cascading blond hair, and her bright smile was a beacon in the photo.

William momentarily held his breath, captivated by the sensual image of his friend. Even though he knew it probably wasn't sent as a direct flirtation to him but was part of the series of snapshots, he simply couldn't tear his eyes away.

Julia was sexy. Full stop. 

Everything from her curvy figure to her vibrant smile and sparkling eyes was undeniably alluring. And suddenly memories of their first night together flooded back to him as if it had happened just yesterday. As he relived that evening, a certain bulge began to form in his joggers, and his palm grew slightly sweaty. His heart raced a little faster as he found himself drawn into the alluring image of his friend, a powerful reminder of the undeniable attraction that had once ignited between them.

#archive #we never go out of style

[thrashingthrashing]

03/29/24

i told my ex gf that i fucked the bitch that she hates. total fucking idiot move i don't know why i did that! on multiple levels it was a shit idea

1. fucking the they/them she hates was a fucking bad idea. having sex is still difficult and uncomfortable for me, and i wasn't able to have sex with them for very long. i only really did it because they're moving away and i wanted to hatefuck them while i had the chance. it's not like we weren't trying to fuck each other the entire time we know one another anyways. it was more of a mental thing but i wasn't able to deliver physically which was pretty embarrassing. wasn't the worst i guess

2. my ex hates this person because they slapped my ex on the ass at our shared workplace then got themselves fired. this happened probably around a year ago. so not only does my ex hate them, but the rest of my coworkers do too. and now they are likely to feel that anger towards me

3. i told my ex about the sex because i felt bad about it. but my ex still has strong feelings towards me, and feels incredible jealously when they are made aware of aspects of my sex life. so now because i felt guilty, i made my ex feel incredibly bad. that's probably the worst part of this all honestly. i don't know what i thought was going to happen, but she's really fucking upset and it makes me feel even worse lmao!!!! she told me she wasn't going to try and be my friend anymore because i weaponize details like this to hurt her. which feels true. i think there's a reason why i told her that i don't understand. we will come back to this in a moment

4. i told her at work and she stormed off and now my boss is also pissed

ok back to point 3- rationally i knew that telling her would be a massive shitshow that wouldn't make me feel any better and would fuck up everything. why the fuck did i tell her? i think deep down there's a part of me that needs drama or self-destruction or something. i think there's a part of me that hates the happiness of others and wants to see it destroyed. i really can't wrap my head around it any other way. what the fuck is my problem?

i used to have really bad anger issues when i was a kid. it was really difficult for me to control my emotions. this tapered off but never really left until like. honestly. 2 years ago??? i used to have insane mood swings and when i stopped doing drugs they went away. when i feel anger now, i am able to control it better and not use it as an excuse to hurt people. i can recognize when i'm in a bad spot. i didn't feel anger when i told my ex the truth. i didn't feel anything. i just did it and was immediately forced to grapple with the consequences. am i even in control of all parts of my mind??? sometimes it really feels like i'm just running without any thought.

i've been thinking about this a lot recently. it really makes me want to puke.

[makorays]

lmao its funny to come back to mako's blog after ages and ages do find he still accuses people of being me even tho i stopped doing shit ages ago and worked my health out but that ain't me mako that's another insane person asking that

but yeah i still have depression started going ket recently its really weird i do still stalk your tumblr i just don't ask i have better people chat to lol insane person who asked mako other thing i emplore you to either work on your health or do drugs prob do the health thing first and if that and therapy fails just find a combo of drugs that work so you can exist somewhat coherently without ending yourself lol

wait, who the fuck are you? most if not all of my weird asks lately have been from that progressiveabstracts dipshit. oh you must be that guy from a while ago who i kept yelling at for being a moron when it comes to mental health, if so i'm glad you realized what you had to do.

anyway, drugs. psychedelics have helped me a lot, but never with my depression (they don't do anything to stop bipolar mood swings). ketamine seems like it might actually help bipolar people, but that's kind of a big boy drug so i'm not gonna rely on it unless it becomes my only option. and even then, i'll probably be considered treatment-resistant enough for the doctors to just give it to me instead of me having to find it through other means.

remember kids: doctors first, illegal drugs second

[silver088]

Him.

I met him in ninth grade. I still remember the first time i laid eyes on him. Before classes had begun the school would release the list of students and who else was in their class. I had already known who the new kids were because they had come from my school before. When we made eye contact his eyes widened at the sight of me. Later on i would learn that he was already attracted to me by then. I was friendly to him at first since he was new but as time went by he began to come out of his shell. He was vibrant, friendly, funny, very athletic, outgoing, the kind of person everyone knew. At that time i decided to put some distance because i was easily irritated by his personality. A month later i fell for him but my friend told me he already had a girlfriend. Not long after that they broke up and we got together. Although our relationship was short it was the happiest i had ever been in my entire life. He was perfect. Almost no day went by that he got rid of my mood swings and replaced it with a smile. After we broke up we still saw each other every day. We had this thing where we would stay close to each other but never actually talk. It was like we showed each other that we still had feelings but not say it. Our classmates knew. It was stupid and so dumb i wish i could take it all back and just approach him or text him. COVID arrives and we dont see each other for two years. In that time i had gone insane. I thought about him everyday, literally. And i have reason to believe that because of how much I thought about him he began to think about me too because someone had told me that he visited my neighborhood a lot but i never got out of my room. When classes went back to normal i began to see him again. I became classmates with his friends and i learned that during online classes they kept teasing him that we would get back together. Sadly, things didnt play out that way. He found someone else and i dated his friend—i know its bad but he was fine w it and so were his friends. He and i are broken up but we will see each other in college again. Recently something had happened. I was coming home from the salon and a motorcycle had passed by and the driver said my name, even the taxi driver looked at me through the rear view mirror. I never got a good look at the guy because i didnt wear my glasses but im pretty sure it was him. His neighborhood is right next to mine. Hes still in a relationship tho. I promised myself that i wouldnt bother him until hes single again but i am really hoping that we'll get back together. Its been four years and im still in love with him.

#first love

[keijmog]

01-06-2023

2:56 AM

I have BPD. I think this is heavily related to my really intense attachment and projection onto characters. I used to do this as a teenager to an unhealthy degree but then I was fine. I recently stopped taking xyz medication. It wasn't on purpose at first, but then I realized it was making me depressed. I experience insane mood swings and. just textbook bpd symptoms. all of them you can think of. Anyways.

I've been finding myself forming a really unhealthy and intense attachment to xyz character. it's so embarrassing to say but if you're looking at my blog you can guess. during the day I will literally think of myself as xyz. that's literally me. I am real. I don't know how to describe it. but I get distressed when I think about losing that attachment; it's my safety blanket. it's how I cope with everything. but also it feels like it's to the point that it's more than just that. I can't separate myself. I have vivid and intense memories and emotions and thoughts about xyz and abc (character I am partnered with as xyz). It's so personal to me and it's so real to me and it's incredibly cringe and embarrassing. like incredibly embarrassing, almost humiliating. I can't imagine admitting to somebody that, as an adult, I genuinely believe I AM a character from. an anime. like are you kidding me. I'm tired. I think it's better I'm directing this insane attachment towards a. fictional character than a real person. though abc feels so real to me, like somebody who's died and now you just have your memories. it genuinely hurts sometimes and I have to ground myself. idfk what's wrong with me. I think it's identity issues from bpd. but I'm also not educated on different things. so I'm not sure. I'm seeing a therapist soon, hopefully.

#long post #journaling #01062023 #bpd

[dogmomwrites]

Hello, please share some good progressive metal bands! I'm a big fan of symphonic metal and Marko Hietala from Nightwish put out an album a year or so ago that took some inspiration from progressive music. I've been interested in it since then but have no idea where to even start.

oh my god my dude, this is the greatest genre there is. There's so much talent. The riffs! The atmospheres! The lyrics! The stories! It's so incredibly versatile that no matter what your preference or even what mood you're in, there's a band for it. I only know a fraction of the bands out there, but here are some of my favorites!

This is gonna be a long one, y'all. Don't blame me if you click the keep reading break, but! If anyone else has some progressive (or progressive-adjacent) bands they wanna share, please do! As I said, I only know so many, and I'm always happy to discover new music!

⚠️ long post! ⚠️

⚠️ really long, guys! ⚠️

Leprous (from Norway)-- probably my personal favorite band (although I will say I have no idea what the fuck they were doing with Bilateral's cover art). I'm not really certain how best to describe their style tbh it's distinctly Leprous, yet it blends a lot of the progressive categories together. Experimental is probably the best I've got there lol

They have the single greatest singer in Einar Solberg. His range is unbelievable. His control is unbelievable. His power is unbelievable. His rough vocals are so satisfying and then he'll turn right around and blow you away with the vulnerability in his voice. He overshadows every other member of that band, which is ridiculous because they're all insanely talented. If you go to Artist Pick on their Spotify page, they have a playlist that contains their entire discography, starting with their most recent album. Singling out individual songs of theirs to recommend would end up with me including at least two whole albums, so that's what I'm suggesting for them. Their most recent album is a genuine masterpiece anyway, so it's a great place to start for them. Their style has changed a small bit over the years, but I personally think they've refined it. They've just gotten better with every album--with the exception of The Congregation; I'd rank that one above Malina

Orden Ogan (from Germany)-- progressive metal meets power metal, with a tiny dash of folk metal thrown in. Their best albums would be Easton Hope, Final Days, and Gunmen, probably in that order. From their other albums, don't miss Ravenhead, F.E.V.E.R., Sorrow is Your Tale (album: Ravenhead), To the End, The Things We Believe In, Dying Paradise (album: To the End), To New Shores of Sadness, The Lords of the Flies, ...And if You Do Right, and the folk version of We Are Pirates! (album: Vale)

Powerwolf (from Germany)-- technically not a progressive band, but most who like progressive also love them, so I'm tossing them in. Their style is more befitting the power metal category, as they're not very progressive. However, they have been releasing fantastic orchestral versions of their new songs, so they fall into the symphonic metal category as well now! If you've been looking for werewolf metal or metal-as-religion, then I gotchu. Powerwolf is just what you needed.

Attila Dorn is another fantastic vocalist. His voice is so rich and powerful and thematic, and it works so so well with their style. They have so many phenomenal songs that trying to list all of their best would basically be a top 50, so honestly just go to their Most Popular on their Spotify page and just let that shit play. If you're not interested in any of that, you're not gonna care for them in general

Diablo Swing Orchestra (from Sweden)-- just one example of the variety to be found in the progressive genre. They have a wonderful chaotic style that borders on circus metal, and I love it. Sometimes they lean towards opera, sometimes towards swing, sometimes towards disco. I'll admit to being sweet on the album Swagger and Stroll Down the Rabbit Hole because that was my introduction to them, but Balrog Boogie, Rag Doll Physics (album: The Butcher's Ballroom), Lucy Fears the Morning Star, Bedlam Sticks, Vodka Inferno (album: Singalong Songs for the Damned and Delirious), Voodoo Mon Amour, Black Box Messiah (album: Pandora's Piñata), The Age of Vulture Culture, Superhero Jagganath, and Jigsaw Hustle (album: Pacifisticuffs) are also good songs

Blind Guardian (from Germany)-- they have some symphonic metal vibes, some thrash metal vibes, but overall they're power metal and progressive metal, I'd say. I personally don't much like thrash metal, so there are a good chunk of their songs that I'm not much into. But. When they're good, they're good. And they have a whole album based on Middle-Earth! (album: Nightfall in Middle-Earth). Even if you aren't a big fan of Tolkien, Nightfall, Blood Tears, and Mirror Mirror are some great songs.

As I'm not a fan of thrash metal, I tend to stay away from their older stuff. Curse My Name and The Wheel of Time (album: At the Edge of Time) are probably the oldest of their songs that I like (outside of the Nightfall in Middle-Earth album). The Ninth Wave (album: Beyond the Red Mirror) is quite possibly their greatest song of all. Dark Cloud's Rising, Point of No Return, and Beyond the Wall (album: Legacy of the Dark Lands) can't be forgotten, either. They're actually more orchestral songs; beyond the point of symphonic, they went straight to orchestral. So if you dig that, you'll love those last three songs

Ostura (from Lebanon)-- could be considered more power metal than progressive metal, but honestly, they're so good and so unheard of that I'm adding them because I want them to be able to release another album. They have both male and female vocalists, and since they only have one album, I'm not gonna single out specific songs. Just listen to their album lol it's only an hour

Seven Spires (from America)-- more of a symphonic metal, but I consider that a branch-off of progressive metal. Not many bands can boast a female singer who nails the rough vocals, but Adrienne Cowan can scream and growl as the song needs her to. Their entire first album, Solveig, is fantastic, as are Every Crest, Unmapped Darkness, Succumb, Silvery Moon, Bury You (album: Emerald Seas), Gods of Debauchery, Ghost of Yesterday, Oceans of Time, and Fall With Me (album: Gods of Debauchery)

Soen (from Sweden)-- I'm not super familiar with the band Tool, but that's who I'm told Soen sounds most like. Tool with audible vocals lol Fraccions, Delenda, Last Light, Canvas (album: Cognitive), Monarch, Antagonist, and Modesty (album: Imperial) are their best songs by far

Evergrey (from Sweden)-- the best I know of at setting the atmosphere for their songs with just the first few notes. It's kind of ridiculous. Another band where I prefer their more recent albums-- their most recent is my favorite of them all-- yet there are some songs strewn throughout their older stuff that just can't be left out. Namely: Words Mean Nothing (album: Solitude, Dominance, Tragedy), A Touch of Blessing, More Than Ever (album: The Inner Circle), Wrong, Free (album: Glorious Collision), King of Errors, and Hymns for the Broken (album: Hymns for the Broken). Of their newer stuff, pretty much everything from their new album--A Heartless Portrait (The Orphéan Testament)--as well as Forever Outsider, Where August Mourns, and Eternal Nocturnal (album: Escape of the Phoenix), A Silent Arc, Weightless, End of Silence (album: The Atlantic), Distance, The Impossible, and My Allied Ocean (album: The Storm Within).

Yes, that's a big list of songs. They have a lot and they're unfortunately hit or miss a lot of the time :(

Borealis (from Canada)-- these guys. Okay. They're amazing. How are they not popular?? Their newest album (Illusions) was released only a few days ago and I've already listened to it a hundred times. There's not a weak song on it. The singer, Matt Marinelli, has such a majestic voice and they draw inspiration from other fantastic progressive bands (having cited Kamelot, Nightwish, Sonata Artica, Seventh Wonder, Avantasia, Symphony X, and Evergrey as a few) and they just nailed everything about this album. Before this album, they released The Offering, which is another 10/10 and it's just not right that no one knows this band. It's truly an injustice.

I recommend the entirety of Illusions and The Offering. The epics of each album, The Phantom Silence (Illusions) and Ghosts of Innocence (The Offering) are two of the greatest songs ever. Granted, that list is massive, but even if you don't listen to anything else by Borealis, listen to those two songs

Seventh Wonder (from Sweden)-- one of Borealis' inspirations! Their style is a mix of progressive metal and symphonic metal. Some of their stuff has been taken down from Spotify due to them having different labels, but (hopefully!) that will be fixed soon. As it stands, the two albums they still have up, Tiara and The Testament, are both super good all the way through, so I don't have to list specific songs. Just both albums. I will say to look up their album Mercy Falls and the song The Great Escape on Youtube and give them a listen. The Great Escape is on an album of the same name, so...actually, to avoid confusion, I'll link this one song

Kamelot (from America)-- not so much a progressive metal band as they are power metal and symphonic metal, but the lead singer of Seventh Wonder, Tommy Karevik, took over as Kamelot's lead singer. So somehow, Kamelot lost Roy Khan as their singer and managed to upgrade. Roy Khan is incredible and yet. Tommy Karevik is ??? even better?? idk too. It's like Mike Portnoy leaving Dream Theater as drummer only for them to find Mike Mangini

Another band with a lot of great songs, so recommending songs to not listen to would probably be a shorter list. I'm just going to say go to their Most Popular on Spotify and let it play. I'm trying to single out the best stuff from all the bands I'm listing, but Kamelot just has...so much

Nightwish (from Finland)-- you mentioned Marko Hietala and Nightwish, so I'm not gonna go super in-depth on this one, as I'm assuming you're at least somewhat familiar with them, but a progressive metal list isn't complete without them, so. Floor Jansen is quite possibly the best female vocalist there is in this day and age. Her range, her control, her versatility. It's just incredible.

Stargazers (album: Oceanborn), Over the Hills and Far Away, 10th Man Down (album: Over the Hills and Far Away), End of all Hope, Dead to the World (album: Century Child), Dark Chest of Wonders, Wish I Had an Angel, Nemo, Planet Hell, Ghost Love Score (album: Once), The Poet and the Pendulum, Bye Bye Beautiful, Amaranth, The Islander, their instrumental song Last of the Wilds, 7 Days to the Wolves (album: Dark Passion Play), Storytime, I Want My Tears Back, Scaretale, Turn Loose the Mermaids, The Crow the Owl and the Dove, Last Ride of the Day (album: Imaginaerum), Shudder Before the Beautiful, Élan, My Walden, The Greatest Show on Earth (album: Endless Forms Most Beautiful), Music, Noise, Shoemaker, Harvest, and How's the Heart? (album: Human :II: Nature).

I said I was gonna keep this one brief...whoops. Well, if you were, in fact, already familiar with Nightwish, now you know my favorites!

Caligula's Horse (from Australia)-- I really dig their style, which is like a contemporary progressive metal, so I wish I liked more of their songs. As is, the ones I do like, I like a lot. All from their two most recent albums. Slow Violence, Salt, Oceanrise, Valkyrie, Autumn (album: Rise Radiant), Dream the Dead, The Hands are the Hardest, and Songs for No One (album: In Contact)

Diablo Swing Orchestra (from Sweden)-- just one example of the variety to

Unleash the Archers (from Canada)-- they're kind of just metal, not super proggy, but they do have elements of it. The entirety of their album Apex is worth a listen, as are the songs Waking Dream, Abyss and Afterlife (album: Abyss). Their cover of Northwest Passage (not on an album) puts any other version of that song to shame, easily

Pyramaze (from Denmark)-- they're progressive metal with elements of symphonic metal and power metal added in. Honestly, I kind of forget that they released any albums before 2015. The songs Disciples of the Sun and Back for More (album: Disciples of the Sun) are my favorites of theirs outside of the album Epitaph, which, like Borealis' most recent two, is flawless. All of Epitaph. From beginning to end, it's a solid 10/10, and yet the last two songs, World Foregone and The Time Traveller, are somehow even better than all the rest

Oceans of Slumber (from America)-- they're melodic progressive metal with darker tones like death metal. Some of their songs straight-up sound like gothic dirges. They're fantastic. They've been compared to Opeth, a band I've never really gotten into. Definitely look up The Decay of Disregard, The Banished Heart, No Color No Light (album: The Banished Heart), A Return to the Earth Below, To the Sea (A Tolling of the Bells), their cover of Wolf Moon (album: Oceans of Slumber), The Waters Rising, The Lighthouse, and their cover of House of the Rising Sun (album: Starlight and Ash)

Haken (from the U.K.)-- they have such a distinct version of progressive metal, it's very hard to describe. There's a weirdness to it that works just right. Whenever I'm in a Haken mood, I always know it. Not much else can scratch that particular itch. Invasion, Carousel, The Strain, Canary Yellow (album: Virus), The Good Doctor, Puzzle Box (album: Vector), and Cockroach King (album: The Mountain) are their best songs by far

Thank You Scientist (from America)-- when progressive metal meets jazz, you get Thank You Scientist. Also, their lead singer, Salvatore Marrano kinda sounds like Michael Jackson at times. It's weird, but it works so well. A Salesman's Guide to Non-Existence, Feed the Horses, My Famed Disappearing Act (album: Maps of Non-Existent Places), Mr. Invisible (album: Stranger Heads Prevail), FXMLDR, and Life of Vermin (album: Terraformer) are their best songs

Shaman's Harvest (from America)-- not really considered progressive metal, but since "progressive" essentially just means "different" in this context, as it's the evolution of metal, I'm including Shaman's Harvest. They are, in lead singer Nathan Hunt's own words, really fuckin' heavy blues. Their albums Shine, Smokin' Hearts and Broken Guns, and Rebelator are solid all the way through. Sequoia (March of the Bastards), Red Hands Black Deeds (Prelude), Soul Crusher, So Long, and Tusk and Bone (album: Red Hands Black Deeds) are all really good. I generally avoid their album Synergy tbh

Avantasia (from Germany)-- technically, it's called Tobias Sammet's Avantasia, but that's just cuz he has such an ego lmao I love him tho he's so energetic. Avantasia started out as a metal opera, with the first two albums literally being called The Metal Opera and The Metal Opera Part 2, although they're more of a symphonic power metal. The opera part is from all the guest singers that he has for just about every single song he releases, and includes singers such as Hansi Kursch (Blind Guardian), Jørn Lande (Masterplan), Marko Hietala (Nightwish), Tim Owens (Judas Priest; formerly, Iced Earth), Roy Khan (Kamelot; formerly), Alice Cooper (Alice Cooper), Sharon den Adel (Within Temptation), and for the upcoming album, Floor Jansen (Nightwish)!

Avantasia has a lot of music. Most of it's great, some of it isn't. The absolute best of the best songs of all (to try and keep this list short) would be Ghost in the Moon, The Raven Child (album: Moonglow), The Scarecrow (album: The Scarecrow), Let the Storm Descend Upon You, Lucifer (album: Ghostlights), Forever is a Long Time, Runaway Train (The Wicked Symphony), The Seven Angels (The Metal Opera Part 2), Farewell, Sign of the Cross, and The Tower (The Metal Opera) almost in that order!

Dream Theater (from America)-- easily one of the most well-known names in progressive metal. Every single member is absolutely outstanding. It's genuinely ridiculous how good these guys are. John Petrucci is the greatest guitarist on the planet; John Myung is the greatest bassist on the planet, Jordan Rudess is the greatest keyboardist (and keytarist!) on the planet, Mike Mangini is the greatest drummer on the planet (although some argue that title would go to their former drummer, Mike Portnoy), and James LaBrie would be the greatest singer on the planet if people like Einar Solberg (Leprous) and Tommy Karevik (Kamelot, Seventh Wonder) didn't exist.

These guys have been releasing albums regularly since the 80s, so they have a lot of music. Trying to get into progressive metal starting with Dream Theater can be problematic, as fans recommend their personal favorites, which are sublime songs, but not the most gentle introductions to this genre. The most accessible album of theirs would probably be their second most recent one, Distance Over Time. They just have so many time signature changes that it can scare away some people lol Distance Over Time is a little more newbie-friendly.

Some of my favorite songs of theirs are Metropolis Pt 1 (album: Images and Words), Space Dye Vest (album: Awake), A Change of Seasons (album: A Change of Seasons), Trial of Tears (album: Falling into Infinity), Blind Faith (Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence), Endless Sacrifice, In the Name of God (album: Train of Thought), I Walk Beside You, Panic Attack, Octavarium (album: Octavarium), In the Presence of Enemies Pt 1, Forsaken, The Dark Eternal Night, The Ministry of Lost Souls, In the Presence of Enemies Pt 2 (album: Systematic Chaos), A Nightmare to Remember, A Rite of Passage, Wither, The Count of Tuscany (album: Black Clouds and Silver Linings), Bridges in the Sky, Outcry (album: A Dramatic Turn of Events), Untethered Angel, Barstool Warrior, At Wit's End, Pale Blue Dot (Distance Over Time), The Alien, Answering the Call, and A View from the Top of the World (A View from the Top of the World).

Yeah. That's a lot, huh? I omitted two of their albums from that list. Some of their titles are pointlessly long, so I shortened them out of laziness.

Metropolis Pt 2: Scenes from a Memory and The Astonishing are both concept albums, and while I've included songs from concept albums for previous bands in this list without pointing out that they're concept albums, Dream Theater's list was just going to be so so long that I decided to give the concept albums their own paragraph. The Astonishing has only a very small handful of songs that I'd single out, so I'm gonna stick with just one, and that's because it sounds like Dream Theater wrote a Disney villain song. Three Days is the title, and it's great. James LaBrie sounds like he enjoyed himself a lot. For Scenes from a Memory, since it's a concept album (that means it tells a story through the songs and narration), it would make more sense to listen to all the songs in order, although I will say my favorites are Scenes 5 through 9; Through Her Eyes, Home, The Dance of Eternity, One Last Time, The Spirit Carries On, and Finally Free (there's more song titles than scenes because scene 7 was split into two parts. Dance of Eternity and One Last Time are both technically the same scene)

So. That's probably...a bit more than you bargained for, and I'm gonna have to go up and include a scene break so this answer doesn't take up pages and pages of anyone's dash, but I hope it gives you a place to start learning progressive metal! I'll be honest, I've probably forgotten some bands/artists. These are all just off the top of my head, as they're some of my most listened-to progressive metal bands

#music #metal #progressive metal #symphonic metal #power metal

[tallmantall]

#SeptemberisNationalSuicidePreventionMonth - Have The Conversation: #MentalHealthExpert Says #SuicidePrevention Starts With Talking

By Laurie Fickman #Suicide is preventable, but only if conversations about this taboo topic become more commonplace, according to Rheeda Walker, University of Houston psychology professor and expert on #mentalhealth and #suicideprevention. #Suicide is preventable, but only if conversations about this taboo topic become more commonplace, according to Rheeda Walker, University of Houston psychology professor and expert on #mentalhealth and #suicideprevention. Walker contends that despite an increase in suicides across the country in recent years, and more suicides than homicide deaths annually, there seems little ongoing intention to prevent #suicideattempts and deaths. In 2019, one person killed themselves every 11.1 minutes in the #UnitedStates.   “Perhaps if those who died by #suicide were able to openly discuss their #mentalhealthstruggles and intentions without shame or judgment, before they acted, the outcome would have been different,” said Walker, who is also the director of the Culture, Risk, and Resilience Lab at UH. “#Suicideprevention only works if we have knowledge, courage and insight before someone is in crisis.”   #NationalSuicidePreventionMonth is a yearly campaign observed by the #CentersforDiseaseControl to raise awareness about #suicide as a serious public health problem and to highlight the role that everyone plays in preventing #suicide.    “In our society, we tend to be more reactive to #suicide – surprised by the death of those who seem to 'have it all.' When a close loved one dies by #suicide, the common refrain is ‘I didn't think they could ever do such a thing,’ though there was knowledge the person was struggling with the loss of a job, a difficult relationship breakup, or isolated by the strain of long #COVID,” said Walker.  #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleOrder your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy http://www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com When someone you know appears overly upset, depressed or even suicidal, you might not know what to do and wonder if you should just ignore it.   Starting with a heartfelt conversation is always the answer.  “Asking someone about their life and possible #suicidalthoughts won't push them over the edge into action,” said Walker. “You won’t make someone act self-destructively. You may reduce the risk of them acting on their feelings by showing them you are concerned and care about them.”  There are some common warning signs that someone is at risk including actual threats of #suicide, withdrawing socially, excessive worry, mood swings and being preoccupied with death, dying or violence.  The rising number of suicides in the #Blackcommunity has led Walker to research that reveals people of color have even further risk because of discrimination they endure.   “You and your loved ones are up against someone else’s insanity. You need so much more than #mentalhealth or ‘wellbeing’ in this era of discrimination, invisibility and psychological warfare. You need an impermeable web of protection for your mind, what I call psychological fortitude,” said Walker, who is author of the bestselling book, “The Unapologetic Guide to #Black #MentalHealth.”  If you are in crisis, call or text the 988 #Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Lifeline provides confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Support is also available via live chat.    Read the full article

[cyborg-franky]

your writing helps me a ton, i hope im not bothering you asking for an emergency request. you see, recently i’ve been.. insanely unwell mentally, i have ADHD and i have been left untreated for a bit, and because of that daily tasks become so difficult, i am struggling a ton academically, my memory has been so cloudy and hazy, and my mood swings are a lot worse. people think im not trying hard enough, or that i “just need to focus” but it’s easier said than done. the fact that i have really bad depression doesn’t help either. if you’re comfortable with it, can i maybe have headcanons for law helping their bf (or gn reader) who struggles with their ADHD and depression? maybe a bit of extra fluff if it isnt too much to ask for?

I'm glad my writing helps you sweetheart and I am sorry you are going through so much right now. Things are always eh and I get where you are coming from. When I have bad depression and people suggest 'have you gone for a walk' 'have you tried this or that' like... yeah I get you people on the outside don't ever see how much it can hurt someone and we just need love, support and someone to listen over advice sometimes. I don't know much about ADHD but I certainly know about depression and I will do my best to help you love.

- Law wished he could take out your brain and work on all the things that brought you pain, made you sad, made you suffer but he wasn’t sure you’d appreciate that.

- He had studied books about your conditions, he was no stranger to depression, but ADHD was something he wasn’t so used to.

- The doctor helped as best he could but after a while, he decided you needed something more, something that medicine couldn’t help with.

- He knew the tells when you were having a bad day, how sometimes it took you longer to get out of bed or how he’d have to encourage you to eat something.

- Law was a blunt person; some might say coldat times. You were used to him; you and the crew knew the real him.

- So, when he came into the bedroom with a bowl of stew and a glass of orange juice, setting it down next to your bed without a word, you knew he was worried, and he cared.

- A hand gently pulled the covers off your face, showing you weren’t sleeping.

- “You should eat.” Law said as he pulled the covers down further, gesturing you to sit up.

- “I’m not hungry.” You mumbled and tried to wrestle the covers back over yourself.

- Law tsked and pulled them down once more, furrowed brows showed you he was serious.

- You sighed and picked yourself up, leaning against the headboard and watching the doctor as he grabbed the stew and handed it to you.

- “Have you taken your medicine?” it might seem like he was nagging or implying you hadn’t bothered. Law knew you had memory issues and there was no harm in asking.

- You shrugged your shoulders and tried to recall “I think I missed it…”

- Law nodded, no judgement as he simply went to his desk finding out the medication and returning. Offering the pill to you and the glass of juice.

- “I’m sorry I’m not doing well.” You could feel yourself close to tears, another mood swing you supposed. Law sat down next to you this time. His hand reached for yours.

- “It’s fine. Depression hits us in different ways.” He explained. His thumb ran over your knuckles softly.

- “The important thing is that you don’t beat yourself up over it all.” Law sighed, reaching over to brush his fingers through your hair, making you lean against him.

- “Take your time.” You glanced up at Law, eyes meeting his, seeing his smile.

- “Just eat when I ask, drink when you need to and don’t be afraid of resting.” Law looked around for something, seeing the plushie polar bear sitting on the sofa.

- Using his power, he brought the plushie over, holding the bear before tucking it into bed between you both.

- “It’s a constant battle but you don’t have to do it alone”

#trafalgar law #one piece x reader #one piece reader insert #one piece x you #sfw #trafalgar law x reader #law trafalgar #law x reader #law x you #law x yn #law x y/n #gender neutral reader

[rangarlamamicado]

//tw: Drugs

Okay... I can tell that recently many of us can easily think of what's extremely ironic about the recent Ace Attorney Chronicles Anti-Weed PSAs.

If you haven't already heard despite it being the totally holy year that is 2021, the titular story character and plot anchor, Sherlock Holmes, while not a weed smoker, was actually a common cocaine, opium, and painkiller user! Doesn't that explain a lot?

The erratic behavior... the dangling from walls... the mood swings... EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MAN. THIS MAN IS LITERALLY ON HARDCORE DRUGS. 24. 7.

If you already know or wanna skip my analysis of this, go ahead... but if not, allow me to start it from the top.

In Conan-Doyle's original writings of the Sherlock Holmes series, as well as at the time of the writing of the original Sherlock Holmes series, places known 'opium dens, were a common thing. At the time, it was associated with Chinese imports and the like since this was an age of discovery and all, but the dens themselves would act as places where you could not only buy the drugs, but use them in the same place - hence the den part.

As for where the tie-in is, at the time,, these places got big, and it was a time where their harmful effects had yet not been discovered (albeit, it would happen later on and actually have an impact on the later editions of the stories of Sherlock Holmes.) Regardless of what we know now, at the time it was the fad thing to do hard drugs, and Sherlock Holmes, as we all know, is commonly depicted with a pipe, as are most stereotypical detectives, most of which deriving this trope from Holmes as well...

...But, however, what you might not know is that, in stories such as "The Man with the Twisted Lip," it actually becomes known in some instances that what he's smoking is actually opium! Yep. And he's done all these other drugs in the past too, despite the author being a medical professional like Watson.

Sir Conan-Doyle's father actually struggled with alcoholism that landed him in an insane asylum, and despite learning and applying the studies of Sigmund Freud, who is also a quack who did drugs that happened to get a few things right, Conan-Doyle stood with the side of reason, making sure to depict Holmes' struggle as realistically as possible, likely leading to his writing's acclaim.

At first impressions with his addictions, Watson and Holmes' family were quick to judge - and rightfully so - But most of all, Watson in the stories described it not only as "A distraction," but ALSO "The answer for what a genius' brain likely does to do away with his boredom," that which Holmes in TGAA CLEARLY does seem to have in common with the real Holmes - Have a disdain for boredom, and boring people, logic, or boring behavior.

What's more troublesome, however... in the later issues of the original stories, when it became clear that these drugs were EXTREMELY detrimental, it becomes clear in the writings that Holmes' addiction is taking control of his life, and Watson personally addresses him about this, saying that it's a "major threat to his thriving career."

So... while several other instances and adoptions of Sherlock Holmes may choose to omit this glaringly unspoken characteristic and addiction, it seems that Holmes in TGAAC still blatantly displays several instances of depressions, angry episodes, and hyperactivity... so while on screen he may seem like a himbo with an over-the-top personality... let's just say Capcom knew what they were doing for once... until now, that is, though I guess they could always use a quick buck or two from the government for the fuck of it. As one does.

... and as for the implications of where Iris fits into this... yea, I don't wanna know.

BUT ANYWAYS!

That's been my extended explanation of the irony I'm finding in the use of TGAA's characters in the recent TGAAC anti-drug PSA in the Osaka Prefecture, as we can clearly see, considering they're friends with a world renowned detective... who's also a struggling drug addict, despite singlehandedly being the key to these characters' success.

So yea! If you know, you know.

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