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itsamejin · 4 years

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goodbye || yoongi angst

Part 2

Summary: Yoongi watched silently as you exited the car and out of his life, but he can’t help but feel a sense of panic at the thought of you leaving him for good.

Warning: cursing, fighting (verbal)

Genre: angst

Premise: Yoongi drives off without you after a heated argument and now you’re gone.

Commission Request: @queenoftheuniverseandmyroom

Word Count: 3,434 words

—

Yoongi doesn’t quite remember when this heated conversation started or how it really ended either. He just recalls how furious you were leaving the restaurant you two had reserved weeks before for your anniversary and how he was left to clean up the mess. Wine was spilled onto the white table sheets and he had to pay the waiter extra for leaving in such a hurry.

Now here he was, driving silently with you sulking in the passenger seat. Even as he sat in the car, hands on the steering wheel, he couldn’t help but feel like you were the one driving with how closely you kept your eyes on the road. You glared at the view in front of you, paying him no attention. His throat itched to say something, anything to break this uncomfortable silence.

“Are you gonna stop being mad at me now?” he asks, annoyed with the little puffs of breathing you would make just to spite him. “Did you get it all out of your system yet?”

You had shouted in the restaurant, loud enough for the other patrons to hear and tense up at the sound of your voice. When the waiter had come to calm you down, you had stomped out of the restaurant.

He was sure the conversation started on the topic of you possibly adopting a new pet, but it somehow morphed into a whole debate about his bad habit of staying cooped up in his studio until the break of dawn. You wanted him to spend more time with you and he wanted you to be more understanding. It was the same old argument you two had, rehashed into a different day.

“Well you’re still being an asshole,” you start, rolling your eyes, “so I don’t want to fucking talk to you until you apologize.”

Yoongi clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. It always seemed to be his fault in situations like this and you always had to pout like a child to make him feel bad. He was getting sick of this- of trying to constantly figure out what you wanted from him. It’s like you two would try to communicate like all those other stable couples, but the wrong words would spill from your mouths each time.

“We didn’t even get to eat,” he mutters under his breath, slightly hoping that you would hear him just to piss you off even more. If you wanted to be grumpy the whole way through then he too could play that game.

“You’re such a dick you know that?” you sigh, shaking your head at his words.

“How could I not when that was all you were screaming about,” Yoongi replies as he rolls his eyes. He yielded at a stop sign, making sure to still abide by the law even though he was fuming with frustration. “You made a fucking scene and embarrassed the hell out of us.”

You scoffed. From what you remember, he was the one trying to escalate the argument when you calmly tried to convince him of getting a dog. It was a rescue- a St. Bernard that would make a mess from time to time, but you were fine with taking care of it by yourself. He had said no so quickly and a little too disdained that you switched the conversation to something more light-hearted. You asked him a day when he wouldn’t be too busy to go on a date and somehow that had pissed him off even more. To you, it felt like he hated the sight of you lately.

“I ask you for something simple. ‘Hey Yoongi, we haven’t seen each other in a while. Maybe we should go out more?’ But, no! You say the same fucking thing about focusing on your music like you haven’t been doing that for almost a decade. You’d think after three years of dating I’d be more of a priority by now...”

Yoongi grits his teeth. That’s not what he said back there and that’s clearly not what he meant either. He was frustrated that you changed the topic when clearly you two weren’t done discussing about the dog yet. He didn’t want to suddenly walk home one day and find some mutt lying on the apartment floor without his permission. You guilt-tripping him to go on a date with you so quickly after you demanded for a dog didn’t sit well with him either.

“It’s my job, you can’t ask me to just forget about my job just so we can go on dates with each other,” he sighs, attempting to calm his nerves by squeezing the steering wheel a bit tighter. “You know how sensitive I am about my work.”

You scoff in response.

“Yeah, yeah,” you roll your eyes. “I’ll always be the second choice. I know that by now Yoongi.”

Yoongi bit his lip and shook his head.

“You’re putting words in my mouth,” he says, exasperated. “I would never pin you and my work against each other-”

“And if you had to?” you ask menacingly. “If I fucking asked you right now if you would choose me over your music, what would you say?”

Yoongi sighs deeply. This was not the direction he wanted this conversation to go in and this was not the direction he was supposed to be taking the car either. He glares at the GPS as it reroutes, avoiding eye contact with you simultaneously.

“You know how fucking self-centered that question is,” he replies, venom laced in his voice. It felt like this conversation always comes back every few months, your words grating in the back of his mind until the next outburst would pop up. “I’m not gonna fucking answer. You know I’d actually really appreciate it if you would just get to the point and stop being a bitch.”

You scoff at him. There he goes again. When he was left speechless, he’d resort to calling you names and giving excuses. It didn't matter to you what the outcome would be, but you wanted to see this argument until the end.

“Yoongi, what is the point really?” you snide, crossing your arms over your chest as if forming a shield around you. “Is it how I said I wanted a dog because I was getting lonely at the apartment?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes.

“You can get the fucking dog, I don’t care about the fucking dog [Y/N]-”

“Or is it how you ignored my calls when I had the flu so you can go drinking with your friends?”

“[Y/N] I literally apologized for that months ago, why the fuck-”

“Oh my god and how dare I ask for time with my boyfriend when I haven’t seen him properly in months, especially on our anniversary day!”

“You’re really pissing me off-”

“Or,” you raise your voice slightly, shifting in your seat as Yoongi slowed the pace of the car. “Was it when you accidentally called me while you were talking to Hoseok?”

Bingo.

Yoongi screeched the car to a stop. Your shared apartment was still miles away but he had stopped at a suburban block of townhouses to face you. His hands were shaking and he glared into the side of your head, beckoning for you to return his gaze. You refused, keeping the seat belt tightly against your chest as you stared at the night sky ahead of you.

“I said that when I was drunk,” he said slowly, intimidating you just a tad bit. “I thought we already went over this.”

You pursed your lips and shook your head, tears threatening to spill over your already puffy eyes.

“You can’t keep fucking saying ‘I apologized’ or ‘we went over this’ and expect me not to still feel hurt,” you say through trembling lips. “It doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Yoongi adjusted himself on the driver’s seat so that he was facing you.

“Is that why you’ve been mad at me?” he asked seriously. “It’s not because of the dog?”

You sighed out of frustration, throwing your hands in the air.

“It was never about me wanting a fucking dog, Yoongi!” you scream.

—

“Hoseok, can I tell you something?” you hear through a call from Yoongi that seemed more like a butt-dial the more you listened to his drunken voice. You kept trying to get a response from him, but it seemed like he was talking to someone else.

“Dude, you're fucking wasted,” you could hear the sound of his group-mate’s chuckle on the other side.

“No, like seriously,” Yoongi whined. “It’s about [Y/N].”

“Girl troubles?”

“Nah, she’s just being dumb lately,” you heard him mutter. A tiny part of you had felt hurt, but then again you two had argued a bit before he drank. You would complain about him similarly to your own friends, so you couldn’t really judge him for talking shit about you.

“What did you do this time?”

“It’s not me this time, bro,” he said through his laughter.

“Really? Then what the hell did she do?”

“That’s the thing,” Yoongi said, slurring his speech to the point that you could barely understand him. “She hasn’t done anything and I still fucking find her annoying.”

Now that one hurt. It was no secret that Yoongi and you were going through a rough patch in your relationship, but to hear him talk about it in so much detail with his friend made you nauseated. It was an extremely uncalled-for insult and you weren’t sure if the tears that streamed down your face fully conveyed the ache in your chest.

“Relax, bro,” Hoseok says reassuringly. “Don’t say anything you’re gonna end up regretting later.”

“No, but seriously,” Yoongi protested. “Her voice is so fucking irritating lately and, like, I’m not even sure if I really like her anymore, you know?”

You could feel your heart crumble at the spot. No matter how bad an argument got, statements like that always went too far. How was Yoongi able to spit it out so easily?

“Okay man, we need you to sober up,” Hoseok sighed. “You sound dumb as hell right now.”

“Hoseok, I want to break up with her so fucking bad,” Yoongi sighed through the phone. “But like it’s been so long I feel like I should just wait it out and see if she wants to end things first.”

You could hear something drop from the other line.

“And now you’re on the fucking floor,” you hear Hoseok mutter. “Dude I think you butt-dialed someone. Oh shit-”

You took the phone away from your ear, not wanting to hear Hoseok apologize for stuff your stupid boyfriend said. You hung up the phone and wiped away your tears. Yoongi didn’t love you and you didn’t know what hurt more- the fact that he could say it while intoxicated or that he didn’t have the guts to tell you sober.

—

“Whatever I said that night wasn't me,” he said, trying to get you to face him. “You know that. I said it when I was mad at you and mad at myself and I will never say it again. I swear.”

You refused to even take a glimpse at him, grabbing your purse from the car floor and clutching it to your torso.

“I love you [Y/N],” he pleads. “I said that shit because I needed to get it out of my system. Please, at least... just look at me.”

You shake your head as you wipe away a tear from your eye.

“I don’t want to look at you,” you whisper solemnly. “All I fucking asked for was some time together and you think I’m ruining your career.”

He closes his eyes out of frustration. By now he thought you’d know the consequences of dating an idol.

“Because our relationship will ruin my career [Y/N], what aren’t you getting?” he replies. “The more dates I go out with you, the more people that watch us- the more people that criticize what we have.”

“Would that be so bad?” you say, finally staring up at him, but avoiding eye-contact. His heart clenched at the sight of you in pain. “Would it hurt you so much that we’re seen together?”

He shook his head.

“You’re twisting my words, I never said that,” he sighs.

“If you want to say you’re ashamed of me then-”

“That’s not what I’m fucking saying!” Yoongi screams, grabbing onto your shoulders to face him fully. “This isn’t just about us. I’ll be affecting the lives of so many people in my company, but I choose to still be with you despite the consequences because I love you-”

You detach yourself from his reach as your cries get louder. It hurt to hear him speak.

“This isn’t love anymore Yoongi,” you whimper, your purse falling onto the floor as you tried to breathe through the sobs. “You said it yourself, you’re annoyed with my fucking voice.”

“I didn’t mean it,” he says softly, stroking your cheek as you looked down at your lap. “You know I love you. I tell you all the time.”

You pushed his hand away from your face and looked up at him in anger.

“Do you, Yoongi? When was the last time you showed that to me?”

He ran his fingers through his hair. Why do you keep asking these questions.

“I’m making enough money to support us. I buy you gifts all the time,” he replies. Yoongi feels that he must’ve said something wrong as you verbally cringed at his words. “I’m literally paying for the fucking apartment we live in right now. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be doing all this for you to live a comfortable life!”

You scoff at his words. Clearly he thinks money solved all the issues in your relationship and that you should feel thankful for him being so “considerate”. You were sick with his reasoning, not really convinced that he even knew what you two were fighting about.

“Well how about this: I can’t fucking get a pet without asking for your permission; I can’t go out with you unless I wear something that conceals my identity; I can’t even fucking tell my friends or family that I’m in a relationship!” you scream as your sobs get louder and louder. “And I can’t even get you to spend some time with me without begging for your attention.”

His own tears had started to fall, staining the velvet seats of his car. You had looked so furious at the restaurant, but before him you were so very vulnerable. He can’t help but feel like he had broken you somehow. He realized then that he went too far- that maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut and let you air out your grievances.

“I’ll do better, I promise I will,” he says softly in an attempt to comfort you, patting your hair gently. “It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

You bring your hands to your eyes, crying into them as Yoongi tried to console you. It wasn’t working and you weren’t even sure if anything he could say would cheer you up at this point.

“I don’t even know you anymore, Yoongi,” you say between sobs.

“Yes you do,” he replies, albeit a bit aggressively. “Stop saying shit like that. You know me better than I know myself.”

You shake your head as you clicked out of the confines of the seat belt which suffocated you, but not as much as his touch was.

“We should have never gotten together,” you say harshly. “If dating you was just gonna end in me hating myself I would have much rather not known you existed.”

He blinked back from the harshness of your words. Where was this coming from?

“You don’t mean that,” he says softly. “I know you don’t mean that.”

You pursed your lips. He was making it so hard for you to leave and like always, he found a way to get you back into his arms with little difficulty. You always listened to him, always at his beck and call. It was tiring being in a relationship with you being the one at his mercy.

“I can’t do this anymore, Yoongi,” you say, pushing him away as you reach your hand out to open the door to the passenger car. “I can’t spend the rest of my life feeling like I’m not good enough to be with you.”

He holds onto your wrist before you do so.

“Just calm down,” he croaks. “Please.”

You shrug his arm off.

“I don’t want to,” you sob. “Just let me end this. Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to leave first so that you wouldn't have to feel like the shitty one in the end?”

An uncomfortable silence formed between you as your words echoed in his ear. No matter how many times he apologizes, it seems like you weren’t willing to forgive him.

“If you leave, I’m not coming to get you,” he seethes. “If you leave, that’s you telling me you’re giving up on us.”

The first time that night, you looked directly into his chocolate eyes and with a new sense of determination, you opened the door.

“Goodbye, Yoongi,” you say, exiting the car finally and walking away from his sight.

He didn’t even notice how you had hesitated, how you secretly wished for him to beg for you to stay- that he would finally learn his lesson and apologize the right way. Without excuses and without pinning the blame on you.

Instead, Yoongi opted to punch his steering wheel and let out a groan as the pain in his fist formed. Were relationships supposed to be this hard? Was he supposed to fight for you every time you tried to walk out of his life? He didn't know anymore. If you wanted to come back then you would, it shouldn’t always be up to him.

—

Yoongi made it home safely, parking in front of your shared apartment, looking from his car window to see if the lights were on.

They weren’t.

Yoongi heaved out a deep sigh and rubbed his forehead. You weren't home yet and it was the dead of the night. ‘You know what, whatever,’ he thought to himself, ‘it’s none of my business anymore.’

He had assumed you got a taxi ride back home, but obviously he was proven wrong when he walked into the dark apartment, cool from the lack of heating. He went through each room and you weren’t anywhere in sight. He sighed. Was this really it? Did your relationship just end because he wouldn't let you get that stupid dog?

He could hear you crying out to him that it wasn’t about the dog- that it was him who ruined the relationship. Yoongi ignored that voice in his head, in fear of guilt taking over his body.

Yoongi tried to quell his solemn thoughts with a few cans of beer on the lonely living room couch, but nothing really numbed the pain enough for him to stop visualizing your tear stained face. It was the way you looked at him so sadly, so full of disappointment. He used to be able to tell why you were sad, pinpoint the exact reasons, but now he wasn’t sure anymore. He opened the fridge, greeted by the anniversary cake you had baked for him just the night before. He cringed at the sight of it as it made him feel even more regretful with how the night’s events unfolded.

Yoongi didn’t take the cake out and closed the fridge door. He didn’t know why it took a well made cake for him to realize that it was fucking stupid to let you walk out by yourself all alone. He moved to grab his cellphone to hopefully apologize and end the argument, but alas no answer. He tried several times again and nothing. He grabbed the car keys from the kitchen counter and raced downstairs to his parked car. As he was about to start the engine, Yoongi saw from the corner of his eye that your phone was on the passenger seat.

It was fully drained of battery and the purse you were clutching so tightly just earlier was on the car floor. Immediately, panic had overcome his body and he banged his head on the steering wheel for how careless he had acted. You were missing and in a part of town that neither of you were familiar with. He groaned out of frustration, no longer angry at you but with himself.

“Why the fuck did I let her go?”

—

A/N: Finally getting around to finishing my commissions. Sorry for the delay @queenoftheuniverseandmyroom , but hopefully you like this first part! Thank you so much for your patience and for requesting something that I was really interested writing about. You are a *star*. I hate writing about arguments because they make me sad but I love the angst that comes with the aftermath LOL. Who do you side with more? Was Y/N too stubborn or was Yoongi too insensitive? Let me know!

PS. Currently working on it’s you part 2. I’m really busy with personal life stuff so please be patient with me. I love y'all <3

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hurricanery · 3 years

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What’s a Soulmate? Pt. 2

Hi! This is part two of my previous fic. Amelink AU- ‘What if Amelia and Link had met at a different time in their lives?’ This part is basically the same timeline, from a different point of view. Thanks so much for reading the last part and for sending feedback! ALSO THIS IS LONGGG. sorry

tw: drug use

-------

Amelia Shepherd is 5 years old when she discovers that nothing is ever promised to you. By definition, she learns uncertainty. That your world can be ripped from right underneath you. The feeling is always there.

Age 5 is a blur for Amelia. She remembers everyone doting on her. Her mom and her sisters and her brother. But, that might not be the right word. She’d learn later that the feeling she was experiencing was suffocating. That’s the word she’d been looking for. The people in her life that were once so blissfully unaware, suddenly so overcareful around her.

By age 7 the suffocating feeling had slowed. Maybe her family had moved on from their need to keep tabs on her. Or maybe they’d genuinely grown tired of her. Either way, the feeling was replaced with a new one. She’d love to fantasize. Especially at night. She’d lay in bed and pretend she wasn’t herself. Staring up above her, she’d imagine the ceiling opening up. And then the roof would be flying off. And she would go with it. Not as a person, but a part of the wind and the clouds. She’d float up to the sky and be with her Dad.

Sometimes, she’d think so hard about this, that there would no longer be feeling associated with it. It would just be reality. And it was numb. When this happened, Amelia would tiptoe out of bed and down the hall toward Derek’s room. Derek was always really good at making her realize that the roof was still there. She was made to realize a lot of things at such a young age. She’d look at her older sister, Nancy, who carried herself in such a stoic way, and realize that pain was better when it was hidden. She’d look at Derek, who flinched at almost every loud noise and sudden movement, and realize that she never wanted to look vulnerable. She’d watch discreetly as her mother sat alone at the kitchen table, spacing out as she sipped her coffee, completely jaded by everything she’d been through in the last couple years. Her parents were soulmates. High school sweethearts. Completely each others’ person. She’d look at her mother now and realize that there was no such thing as soulmates.

_______

Amelia is 9 years old when she starts to feel again.

The moving trucks roll slowly down the street and the Shepherd children watch from their front lawn as they disappear. The front door of what used to be their home swings open and their mother comes barreling out, juggling two more boxes.

“Derek!” She beckons. “Come and grab one of these.”

Derek quickly runs to help his mother.

“And the rest of you- don’t just stand there! There’s a few more things inside!”

They load up the minivan and suddenly there’s not much left to do but to say their goodbyes to an empty house. Say their goodbyes to a home and all the memories associated with it. It was time to start new.

_______

The car ride to their new neighborhood is long and boring and Amelia sits all the way in the back, crammed alongside the last of the moving boxes like she’s an object being moved herself. That’s how she’s starting to feel, at least. Like an inanimate object being transported against her will. Her 3 older sisters occupy the seats in front of her, sharing headphones and giggling amongst themselves every few minutes. Derek, who’s seated passenger side next to their mother, turns around with searching eyes. He catches Amelia's gaze through the cracks between headrests and smiles at her in an assuring manner. He doesn’t turn away until Amelia reluctantly smiles back.

The minivan finally pulls into a quiet suburban neighborhood and stops in the driveway of their new home. Before the car is even put into park, Derek and Nancy are jumping out and running toward the house. Lizzie and Kathleen follow quickly after them while Amelia remains trapped in the backseat. She sighs. All she has to do is climb over the middle seat but she can’t seem to bring herself to do it.

“Come on, Amy,” she hears her mother’s impatient voice from outside of the car. The tone forces her out of her frozen position and she finally starts climbing over the seat. When her feet hit the pavement, she looks up at the house. She shifts her gaze to her mother incredulously and before Amelia can even say anything, her mother is grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward.

Out of the corner of her eye, Amelia sees movement across the street. As her mother pulls her toward the house, Amelia turns her head fully to meet the movement. She watches as a boy, about her age, drops his baseball mitt onto the grass and chases after his father. He’s laughing as his dad teases him about wanting macaroni and cheese again for dinner. The boy follows his dad inside and the whole time Amelia is listening to the sound of his voice as he argues playfully. Amelia finds herself smiling at the interaction. She doesn’t know why, but something about the boy’s playful energy sparks something in her. She feels excited, she thinks, at the idea of this boy being her friend.

_______

A couple of hours later, and the idea is becoming closer to reality for Amelia. When 9 year-old Atticus Lincoln stumbles through an awkward introduction on the sidewalk in front of her new home, Amelia cannot refrain from laughing. At first, his presence had startled her. The sidewalk chalk had slipped out of her palm and she’d almost fallen backwards from her crouched position. But, something about his energy had instantly made her feel calm and at ease. Amelia is grinning from ear to ear after watching this boy struggle with his words. After a little back and forth and a lot more laughter, Amelia decides she doesn’t want him to leave. She definitely likes his company. She wants him to stay.

“Anyway, Atticus, do you wanna play a game?”

_______

Amelia is 16 years old when she discovers that high school is her worst nightmare.

She walks up late today. Like really late. More so than usual. She must have missed her alarm. Or, forgotten to set it in the first place. That was highly likely.

Amelia curses herself as she jumps out of bed. All she has time for this morning is a quick teeth brushing. She glances in the mirror briefly, throwing a sweatshirt over what she’d worn to bed and grabbing her converse sneakers from the corner of her room. She slips on her backpack before running down the stairs and out the front door.

No sign of Link. She frowns. She must really be testing his patience. They usually walk to school together every morning. And he’d usually wait for her, even if she was running late. This morning is different though.

Amelia turns the corner, prepared to be alone with her own thoughts for the entire duration of the walk to school. But then she sees him, about a block ahead of her.

“Link!” She yells, desperate. “Wait for me, asshole!”

She sees him slow to a halt. He turns around up ahead of her. Amelia quickens her pace until she’s approaching him.

“Sorry, hi,” she greets him, kind of breathless. He looks her up and down, taking in the sweatshirt and sweatpants combo. Amelia tries not to get nervous under his gaze. But then he smiles.

“Is it pajama day?”

She rolls her eyes at him and shoves his shoulder gently.

“I had literally 3 minutes to get ready this morning.”

“Clearly,” he laughs again. He focuses on her face again, looking into her eyes, and Amelia feels his gaze burning into her. “You look-”

“Tired?” she interrupts him. “Don’t say it.”

“I was going to say hungover.”

Amelia looks away from him, ahead of them as they walk. She tries desperately to not have any sort of reaction to his words.

“Amelia, it’s a weekday,” Link speaks again, concerned.

She stays silent, subconsciously raising her hand to bite at the corner of her thumb nail. He finally looks away from her face and Amelia sighs internally, wishing they could talk about anything else.

“Did you study for the physics test?” Link speaks up again.

“Is that today?” Amelia mumbles.

“Yes…”

“I’ll study at lunch. I’ll be fine.” And she’s not even worried. She knows she’ll do fine. She always does. She feels an awkwardness between them and she hates it. Link usually makes her feel completely at ease. This morning, Amelia can tell she’s made him upset. She nudges his side with her elbow. When he finally makes eye contact, she smirks at him.

“Link, I’m fine,” she whines playfully. “Don’t worry.”

He breaks into a smile. Something that happens naturally whenever Amelia smirks like that. Her heart warms at the sight, watching as his eyes crinkle slightly from the expression. Link has the best smile.

“I know you’re fine. I just think you’ll be less fine when I crush you in this physics test.” He jokes.

“In your dreams!” Amelia laughs, feeling completely relaxed by their banter.

_______

Amelia doesn’t study at lunchtime. Jake, who’s a senior, and someone Amelia always feels the need to impress, invites her to the parking lot and she instantly agrees. Being invited to the parking lot is basically a right of passage and everyone knows it. It’s not just a parking lot. It’s a hang out spot. The place you escape to for a smoke sesh or to find out where all the parties are that weekend. She knows being invited to the parking lot basically means Jake and all his senior friends will smoke her out. So, Amelia isn’t studying at lunch. She’s currently sitting on the open trunk of one of Jake’s friend’s trucks, being passed a joint.

She takes it, placing it to her lips, closing her eyes and inhaling as deeply as she can. She keeps it in for as long as she can before exhaling slowly. She opens her eyes again when she hears Jake laughing next to her.

“Damnnn, Shepherd. Not even a cough? Impressive.”

“She’s not like other girls,” one of Jake’s friends, Eric, adds, laughing with him.

Amelia rolls her eyes, and instead of passing the joint, she takes another hit. She’s impressing them and she likes the feeling. She reluctantly passes it off after that.

“Shep, you coming out tonight?”

Amelia just stares, it’s a Friday night but she’s not sure of what’s going on.

“Big party at Tyler’s place, everyone’s going.”

“Oh, right.” Amelia plays along. “Yeah I’m thinkin about it.”

_______

When the lunch bell rings, signaling class is about to start back up, Amelia only panics slightly. Not only is she late for the physics test, but she’s also completely in the wrong mindset. She feels it as she walks to the science lab, the paranoia sets in as she approaches the door. She hates walking in late. And she hates that she’s too high right now.

She tries to not spark any suspicion as she enters the room, but the dead quiet of the room only makes her more anxious. Everyone has already started taking their tests. She eyes her open seat at the back of the class, and moves as swiftly as possible. She feels a set of eyes on her the entire time and once she’s taken her seat, she reluctantly meets Link’s gaze from across the room.

Amelia flinches at the disappointment on his face.

Link turns back to his test and Amelia glues her eyes to her empty desk before another face interrupts her panic. She looks up just as Mr. Thompson, their physics teacher, places a test down in front of her. Amelia only meets his suspicious stare for a second before glancing down at the paper anxiously. She pulls a pencil out of her bag and quickly writes her name in the top right corner of the page.

She gives herself only a minute to breathe before she reads the first question. Once she does start reading, panic swells in her chest again. She can’t do this right now. She can’t be here taking this test. She doesn’t know what comes over her, but the sudden need to get out of this classroom completely consumes her. She’s not subtle when she stands up, pushing away from the desk hastily. The chair makes a harsh noise as it slides back against the floor and Amelia quickly grabs her backpack, leaving the test unfinished on her desk. Heads turn in her direction as she makes her way to the door. She faintly hears Mr. Thompson calling after her but chooses to ignore it.

She doesn’t stop walking until she’s all the way outside. The cool September air instantly calms her as she walks. And she keeps walking. Physics is her last class of the day and there’s nothing stopping her from just walking all the way home at this point.

_______

She hides out in her bedroom until her Mother calls her down for dinner a couple of hours later. It’s officially the weekend and that means some of the older Shepherd siblings are home from college. Amelia sits at the table and tries to avoid Nancy and Kathleen’s stares. Their mother, Carolyn, clears her throat.

“Girls stop glaring and pass Amelia the salad,” she says sternly.

Kathleen smirks as she starts passing food across the table. “Well, aren’t you going to say something, Mom?”

“Kathleen, not now.”

Amelia’s plate remains empty. The energy is off in the dining room and she doesn’t really feel like eating.

“You can’t keep letting her get away with this,” Kathleen speaks up again, laughing sarcastically and looking pointedly at her youngest sister.

“What’s your deal?” Amelia finally bites back. “I’ve seen you all of three minutes and you’re already mad at me for-?”

“Girls!” Carolyn chimes in. She glances harshly at each of them. She looks back at Amelia before she speaks again. “Amelia...the school called just before you came down-”

“I answered!” Kathleen interrupts with a snicker, Nancy smirking along with her. Carolyn shakes her head at them in warning before she continues.

“Amelia, apparently your science teacher reported you walked out on your test today…?” It ends up sounding like a question.

Amelia stares down at her empty plate.

“She’s probably on pills again. Did you ever get a lock for the medicine cabinet?” Nancy’s harsh words cause Amelia’s head to snap up. She glares at her oldest sister. And for the second time today, she feels the need to escape. She can’t be here right now. In a familiar movement, she pushes harshly away from the table and moves toward the front door.

She doesn’t stop walking until she’s all the way across the street. Suddenly she’s pounding on wood until a front door is swinging open and Link’s worried eyes meet hers. She doesn’t realize she’s crying until she registers the haggard breathing sound is coming from her.

“Amelia?! What’s wrong, what happened?”

“I can’t-” her panicked breathing cuts the sentence short but suddenly strong arms are around her, pulling her inside the house.

Link shifts his grips to her shoulders and guides her toward the stairs, up to his bedroom. The door clicks shut behind them and Link is guiding her again toward the bed, sitting down next to her.

Amelia curses herself, embarrassed by her total lack of control right now. She doesn’t remember letting herself begin to cry. But now that it’s started, she can’t make it stop.

“Amelia,” Link’s steady voice pulls her slightly from her thoughts. He looks at her assuringly. “Breathe. You need to breathe.”

In a gesture, Link makes his own breathing pattern more obvious, in his attempt to get Amelia to match him. She tries. She really tries. She looks into his eyes and lets him hold her gaze, anchoring her, like he’s tossing her a rope and trying to pull her back in.

She needs more though, something more forceful, and then she’s reaching for him. In the most platonic way, she grabs under his elbows, forcing his arms to engulf her small body. Desperate for the pressure of his strong hold.

She waits for him to catch on, and she sighs in relief when he squeezes her tight. The sensation of it is almost like a thunder jacket for a dog.

Amelia is just beginning to calm down when Link’s grip loosens slightly. She looks up at him bewildered. But he just looks calm. He pulls away even more but grabs her hand, standing up from the bed.

“Here, Amelia. Lay down on the floor, this will help,” he soothes, pulling her up from the bed.

She still hasn’t gained any control over her crying, but she listens to his instructions, laying flat on her back on the plush carpeting of his bedroom. She glances up at him and he smiles softly at her, eyes crinkling. Then he’s lowering himself over her.

“Let me know if I’m hurting you,” his voice is soothing. He even chuckles a bit at his actions. How crazy this must look. “My body weight will be like a weighted blanket…”

He’s twice her size but he lays fully on top of her, mimicking her positioning. He relaxes, and Amelia feels the weight of it completely. And to her surprise, it’s extremely calming. The pressure envelopes her nerves and the effects are almost instant. Her breathing begins to slow as they lay in complete silence, both staring up at the ceiling.

“Like a….gravity blanket,” Amelia’s voice finally breaks the silence.

Link chuckles. And now Amelia is smiling wide.

They lay like that for a few more minutes. Amelia is so relaxed and the room is comfortably quiet.

“Did you fall asleep on me?” Amelia whispers, laughing under her breath.

Link rolls off of her, laying next to her instead. He smiles at her, reaching between them and squeezing her hand. Amelia’s chest tightens at the gesture. And then he lets go.

“You okay?” Link asks.

“I am.”

They both resume the position of staring up at the ceiling. Link speaks again.

“You going to that party tonight?”

Amelia turns her head, looking at him in shock.

“Absolutely not,” she answers. Then she laughs again, adding “I’m staying here with you.”

_______

Amelia is 18 years old when she realizes that soulmates can be found in friendships.

She loves college right away. She loves being away from home and away from her family. She finds a good friend group and gets along well with the people she lives with. The only thing missing from her close to perfect equation, is her best friend, Link.

Her new college friends tease her relentlessly for her dependency on her best friend from home. The way she facetimes Link almost on a nightly basis, or the way she drops everything she’s doing the moment he texts her.

“That your boyfriend from home?” Amelia’s roommate jokes as her phone chimes with a text message.

“More like her soulmate,” her other roommate adds.

Amelia rolls her eyes. “He’s not my soulmate,” she laughs. “But...yes.”

The suspicious glances from her roommates don’t go unnoticed by Amelia. “I’m actually hanging out with Stephen tonight,” Amelia announces proudly.

“Ugh, he’s no good for you.”

“Yeah, definitely not soulmate vibes from Stephen.”

Amelia rolls her eyes again, standing up to get ready to see Stephen.

_______

Amelia likes Stephen. He’s tall and charming with dark hair and bright green eyes. He makes her laugh and provides the sense of calmness that Amelia seems to seek in those she surrounds herself with.

He’s not a distraction. That’s for sure. Amelia is even starting to think she loves him by the end of the first semester. She feels something every time she looks at him. His wide smile and the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. Stephen feels familiar. And makes Amelia feel nostalgic.

And Amelia crushes any thought she has of Stephen compared to Link. To her best friend.

She doesn’t question what it means that every time she arrives back at her dorm after a night spent with Stephen, the first thing she wants to do is call Link.

She smiles to herself as she crosses the threshold to her room, instantly pulling her phone out and relaxing onto her bed. She swells with excitement as she glances at her calendar. It’s almost holiday break and for some reason she misses home.

_______

Amelia is 22 years old when she discovers what it feels like to finally open up.

She hasn’t seen Link in almost a full year, although she still considers him to be her best friend.

It’s finally thanksgiving and both Amelia and Link have returned home from their separate colleges for the weekend. She’s completely shocked when she first sees him. Link looks the same but also different. His hair is longer than Amelia remembers. And he seems taller...and more muscular, too. Like he’d suddenly started working out a bunch.

Link clears his throat, drawing her attention to his face. “Hi, Amelia,” he smiles. And the eye contact almost makes her breath catch in her throat. Had his eyes always been that color?

Link pulls her into a hug suddenly, pulling her away from her thoughts, and Amelia instantly relaxes into the familiar embrace.

_______

That night they end up at the local bar. Thanksgiving eve being the busiest bar night of the year, and basically a premature high school reunion for the entire town. Amelia really didn’t want to go. But, Link was interested in seeing a few buddies from school, and Amelia wanted to go wherever Link wanted to go.

They attempt to stay together for the entirety of the night, but it’s a little hard when there’s constant interruptions by vaguely familiar high school acquaintances.

Amelia sits at the bar and watches Link from across the room as he chats enthusiastically with his high school friends. She didn’t have a huge friend group in high school. She always had friends a couple grades above her, the ones she’d ditch school with. The ones she’d hang out in the parking lot with during lunch. And there was always Link. But that was it.

She catches his eye from where he’s standing across the crowded room and he smiles at her briefly. A moment later he motions toward the door. She frowns slightly before pushing through the crowd to join him.

“You’re leaving without me? What kind of date are you?” She smirks at him as she shrugs on her jacket.

“I wasn’t aware this was a date, Amelia.” Link responds, playing along. “But yes, I am leaving. Early morning and all that.”

“Well let me walk you home.” She continues, voice laced with irony.

“Let’s go home,” he agrees.

_______

They end up back at Link’s house, sitting at the kitchen table. There’s a lot of catching up, and reminiscing. And conversation about the future. Amelia feels a sense of warmness she can’t quite place. Link makes her feel warm. And she can’t stop smiling.

They talk about everything. Learn everything new about each other.

Amelia learns everything about Link’s college experiences. She tries to stay neutral as Link talks about the girls he has dated. She smiles through his drunken hookup stories. She learns that Link wants to pursue medical school, and that news brings her more excitement than she’d anticipated.

Amelia tells Link she wants to follow in her older siblings’ footsteps. She wants to become a surgeon. And when Link promises that he’d always known she’d make way for herself in the medical field, she feels warm again.

Amelia tells him about the relationships she’s been through. And the one she’s currently in.

“You’ll get to meet him this weekend, Link. He’s driving in tomorrow. For dinner.”

Amelia isn’t certain, but she thinks Link’s face falls at that.

“How long have you two been together?” He asks her.

“We met my freshman year. We’ve been dating on and off since then.” Amelia mutters, suddenly the warmth is gone. This conversation feels cold

“On and off?” Link questions.

Amelia clears her throat, feeling vulnerable. “Well, yeah.” She sighs. “We’ve broken up more than once. And gotten back together a couple of times…It’s um…” She pauses, collecting her thoughts. “It’s been, um, I mean I wouldn’t say a roller coaster, but…”

Amelia panics as she watches Link study her face. The analytical features remind Amelia of plenty of past conversations. Plenty of situations she’d gotten herself into and then called on Link.

“Amelia, are you happy?”

The question makes her heart sink and she can’t place why. Maybe it’s denial. Maybe she’s been dishonest with herself. She zones out as she stares ahead of herself, eyes glued to the space between them. Eyes glued to the table. She doesn’t like cold and vulnerable. She wants some of the warmth back. It feels like her body is on autopilot when she stands up on wobbly feet and walks around to Link’s side of the table. She can’t bring herself to answer him, or his daunting question. She doesn’t know why she does it, but suddenly she finds herself crawling her way into Link’s lap, legs dangling off the side of the chair and arms wrapping around his neck.

And then her own words surprise her, too.

“I had the biggest crush on you in high school. Probably since I was 9, if I’m being honest.” And she laughs at her own vulnerability.

She lays her head on his chest, hiding her face away from him. And she can feel Link wrap his arms around her waist. She feels him place a comforting kiss to the top of her head.

“And I, of course, was head over heels for you, but you already knew that. Everyone did.” He whispers, and Amelia is surprised at this response. She didn’t know that.

She laughs into him, and then she finally lifts her head, looking up at him.

“Let’s crash on the couch, yeah?” He offers. “Like old times?”

_______

It’s weird for Amelia the next night at dinner. To be snuggled into the embrace of another man. Not even 24 hours after she’d fallen asleep in Link’s arms.

His words replay in her head on a loop. The way he’d whispered ‘I’ve always loved you, Ames. Always will’ before they drifted off.

And the way that she’d responded. ‘I love you too, Link. You’re my best friend.’

Amelia is confused, and feels vulnerable, again.

_______

Amelia is 25 years old when she discovers that she's probably not destined to be a mother.

When she tells her fiancé of a year, James, that she’s pregnant, she doesn’t know how to feel. It’s overwhelming, that’s for sure. And she feels extremely anxious. She hopes it’s anxious in an excited way, and not for any other reason.

She ignores the uncertainty. She’d always wanted to be a mother, right? This is how everything was supposed to be. Anxiety and all.

_______

Amelia feels numb, three months later, when she has a miscarriage. She can’t quite process what she is feeling.

And it takes a toll on their relationship.

James is shocked. And grows more and more depressed over it.

Amelia takes her anger out on James, and he does the same with her.

They decide to take a break, and James moves out of their apartment. Amelia needs some time for herself. And she can’t quite place if what she’s feeling is relief. But she feels something. Because she knows that this is probably how it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason.

_______

Amelia is 28 years old when Seattle becomes her true home.

She’s graduated medical school and landed her dream internship at one of the country’s top hospitals.

It’s her first day of work and she hops on the subway train downtown. The train is kind of crowded, and she automatically makes her way to a less dense standing spot. She settles in her spot, mentally preparing herself for a busy day.

Amelia counts down as the train makes it’s stops. Knowing that the next stop is hers, she moves her way closer to the door. It opens and she steps out onto the platform, glancing at her watch, deciding whether or not she has time to stop for coffee.

Her thoughts are suddenly interrupted by another body bumping right into her.

“Oh, sorry,” she mumbles, but she cuts herself off when she recognizes who has just run into her.

“Long time no see, Shepherd.” Link is standing in front of her, smiling widely.

And she can’t help how her face instantly lights up. She laughs, bewildered. Not quite believing what she’s seeing. She finds herself pulling him into the tightest of hugs, laughing breathlessly into his ear.

“What the hell, Link? What the hell are you doing here?” She lets go of him and they’re making eye contact, smiles wide across both their faces. They both seem to need to catch their breath.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He jokes.

Amelia shakes from her daze. “I..I live here now. I start a new job today. Like now, actually.”

Her shock and bewilderment doesn’t seem to die down whatsoever when she learns that Link has landed the same internship as her.

_______

Amelia is 29 years old when she discovers that her 7-year-old self was wrong. Soulmates do exist, and she knows by definition.

She knows what a soulmate is when Link takes her out on their first real date and he doesn’t even make a move, because there’s no need to rush things.

She knows what a soulmate is when she watches Link become the version of himself that is a brilliant, confident, orthopedic surgeon fellow.

She knows what a soulmate is when they finally sleep together for the first time. And it feels like it has been building up over a lifetime. The way they take it slow, reveling in each moment with each other because it didn’t quite feel real.

After their first successful surgery together, they’d gone out with some fellow surgeons, and Amelia knew what she was doing when she asked him back to her place for the night.

Amelia knows what a soulmate is that night. When she looks him in the eye and reaches for the hem of his shirt in question. She feels completely confident in his presence and especially in his arms. Like she was always meant to be there. This is her best friend, and her soulmate. And she’s completely awestruck by how good this moment is. How it can’t compare to anyone or anything else.

Amelia knows what a soulmate is the next morning. When she stirs from her slumber slightly, as familiar fingers dance slowly across her bare back.

She rolls over in bed and is met with her favorite pair of eyes. She mumbles to Link ‘let’s make pancakes,’ and she knows what a soulmate is as she watches him move about her kitchen, covered in pancake mix from the brief food fight that had broken out between them.

Amelia knows what a soulmate is when they move in together. In a tiny studio apartment in Seattle. And Link lets her decorate it exactly how she wants.

And despite their first fight, Amelia knows what a soulmate is. When Link meets her nieces and nephews, and nonchalantly makes a comment about kids one day, Amelia freezes in panic. And then completely avoids him for three whole days.

Amelia knows what a soulmate is when she learns to compromise. Because the two of them cope in different ways. So, when Link has a bad day, she gives him space to bum out, instead of bombarding him to talk through it. Even though she’d want the opposite for herself on her own bad days.

And he’s still her soulmate when they turn 30 and they move into a bigger house in the suburbs. Amelia is excited about each of them having their own office space. Link jokes about ‘room to grow’ and ‘future nurseries.’ Amelia doesn’t say it then, but she warms up at the idea.

When they’re 32, and they’re dancing at their co-worker’s wedding, Amelia knows what a soulmate is. After a particularly hard week at work, Amelia had been taking her frustrations out on Link. And he’d been letting her. He was always so patient. And now as they danced together slowly, Amelia can’t help but rest her head against his chest gratefully. She feels him squeeze her waist gently. She can’t help it when she mumbles ‘Maybe I’ll marry you, someday.’

_______

Amelia is 34 years old when everything falls into place for the rest of her life.

After she’d told Link she was pregnant, they’d both been completely overjoyed. And since then, Amelia couldn’t fight the realization that everything was meant to be this way. Everything had happened for a reason.

She doesn’t hear Link come into the bathroom as she stands brushing her teeth, eyes closed in happy exhaustion as she rests against the sink.

She feels his arms snake around her stomach and her eyes snap open to playfully meet his in the bathroom mirror.

Link squeezes her small bump and Amelia lays her head back into his chest blissfully.

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispers, “before you fall asleep right here brushing your teeth.”

_______

They lay down in bed and assume their favorite position as of recently. Amelia loves it when Link lays behind her, spooning her, arms instinctively and protectively wrapping around her stomach. She settles into his arms and almost immediately begins dozing off.

She feels Link’s breath tickling her neck before she registers his voice.

“Amelia, you’re going to make the best mom to Scout. I can’t wait.” He mumbles, and Amelia smiles sleepily.

“I love you, Ames.” he continues, gently squeezing her bump again. “Always have, always will.”

Amelia is awake just enough to respond “I love you too, Link. You’re my best friend,” before sleep takes her.

Feedback please/let me know if you want me to write more amelink/send prompts!!

#amelink #amelink fanfic #amelinkfic #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelia x link #amelinkfanfiction #my writing

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years

Text

Homesquared Chapter 14

lol gotta love John’s enthusiasm of being part of the movers and shakers getting shot down cuz he hasn’t actually flexed his Main Character Muscles in quite a long time

though he’s honestly taking his mid life crisis very well all things considered, its good he cares more about his kids than anything else and I like the bond he’s getting to make with Harry, it’s nice!

Now what’s a million times funnier though is the same thing happening to Vriska, she is decidedly NOT taking her midlife “but but I want to be important too!!” crisis not nearly as well as John is haha

VRISSY: I guess you Did go Viral, 8ut the news moves so fast these days. I don’t think Any8ody is like...

VRISSY: Glued to their phones Waiting for your New Hashtag Resistance content.

Yeah Vriska, you’re so 15 minutes ago :P people have moved on

what, did you think you were going to be important forever?

VRISKA: What’s the point of me even coming to this shitty fake reality if I’m not supposed to fix it?

to have a mid life crisis about not being important anymore obviously :P

VRISSY: Yeah, they told me about That stuff, but a Lot of the Shit that Happened in the Session if just not in the History Books.

VRISSY: You weren’t Really mentioned that Much.

VRISKA: Excuse me?

I Am Living For This Whole Conversation

VRISKA: I SINGLE H8ND8DLY!

VRISKA: CURED YOUR MOTHER’S FUCKING ALCH8LISM!!!!!!!!

JOHN: uh, vriska, everything okay over there?

VRISKA: EVERYTHING’S FINE, J8HN!

JOHN: okay.

JOHN: do you girls want a snack?

ASJHGFSHFHWE yeah calm down Vriska have a snack

ahh, loving it

Turns out, History is written by the people who were left who decided to give a damn about writing it, and if those people Don’t Like you, they can just decide to not mention you, no matter who you are or what you did

All your “important” accomplishments are for naught and have become meaningless because you’re an asshole and other people didn’t like you enough to decide that you mattered in the long run

Congrats! Infamy doesn’t matter as much as Connection

Aww, cute with Annie getting hug bombed by her moms

Though, Rose definitely has a stronger bond with Annie than just being her surrogate it looks like

I understand this family situation just fine, if Annie really was just supposed to be a way for Jade to overcome her lonliness, and Rose was her only functional way and only person she could approach with this idea, and Rose responded out of care for her friend

Rose, shouldn’t really have a distinct mom attachment here, because then it implies a stronger than platonic relationship with Jade

but it could just be a great example of “this is why you don’t agree to create a child with your friend purely because said friend was crying out of lonliness out of failed relationship and wanted a child to fill that void of lonliness but who then shoves said child off the sidelines and doesn’t interact with her at all and leaves her in the hands and care of a supposed enemy and

yknow, I think I’m just gonna stop there before I remember Jake also knew about Yiffany existing so if the only ones who didn't know were John/Dave/Karkat and Kanaya then what was honestly the point of hiding her in the first place

Its not the fact that Yiffany exists that Im finding hard to believe, its just hows she treated narratively after she started existing thats stretching my rubber band into a dangerous area

“ROSE: Is it the libidinous power rush that comes from snapping your fingers at men with guns, or are you worried that you might accidentally do something heroic?

(its the latter)

“She stopped thinking about how she would be received, and more about how she could play to the people she knew would receive her favorably.

Looking up she sees Tavvy with tears in his eyes. Rage and guilt surge inside her. This situation is not her fault.”

Gotta Justify It. Gotta Justify It.

Doesn’t matter if I’m Right or Wrong, if enough other people validate me than Everything is Fine and I’m a Good Person.

JANE: So before you accuse me, take a look at yourself!

JANE: I'm the only one who has taken any interest in her upbringing or education!

JANE: Or have you forgotten who has been paying for her schooling and taking charge of her introduction into society?

JADE: i never asked you to do that!

JADE: you offered!

Okay but Jade, you DID let Jane have Annie in the first place and then presumably washed your hands of her, when supposedly the only reason Annie exists is because you wanted a daughter with whom you could have a loving relationship with

You gotta, explain you’re thinking there Jade cuz I still don’t get this bit

Though in thinking about it, I think I know why this happened

Jade grew up isolated from any person, but still loved her grandfather, despite his absence

to her, family relationships didn’t involve any sort of personal work, they were just things she had because she had them

did she just believe the same would happen for Yiffanny? that she could paradoxically still have a relationship despite long absences? Annie doesn’t seem to have any resentment here for Jade or Rose so I mean ???

“ If they were to kill Tavros, the entire world would see them commit this war crime. And weighed in the balance, Lalonde and Harley would be off the playing board. Saving your daughter certainly counted as a heroic death, and with the damage they'd done to humanity, it would also probably be just. “

She hates them both so much she’d let Tavros die for it

But also, she really does calculate everything in terms of how the Masses would view their actions as Just or Heroic

so yeah, she was absolutely about to let Tavros die, damn Jane

literally the only thing that stopped you was that Jake viewed the threat as a real threat and was about to do something stupendously Heroic to save Tavros and you decided you didn’t want Jake to die a heroic death

On the flipside, oh damn, Yeah Vriska’s going full throttle right on the nose ahead with the obvious audience expectation, that there gonna make another sburb session and get the obvious group of important 4 kids to god tier

that’s clearly the path vriska wants and expects, but hey, just imagine if what Vriska wanted to happen didn’t happen this time, imagine if the kids were just like “nah im good?” when it comes to a god tier

The narrative is making it super clear that at least 3 out 4 kids are kinda not feeling all the outdoorsy action and excitement of a game of life and death

Annie though I could hella see her down to play sburb and get a god tier, shes got that whole “isolated childhood trauma and parental issues pressure cooking her a strong will to take her life into her own hands” energy

Vriska, go see Annie, her strong willed butt is more of the action girl you’re looking for I think

At least if they do end up playing the game and getting the tiger, Annie feels like the first one to do it or the action catalyst of their session, like how Vriska was for hers, or Dirk for the alphas, or

hmm. who was is that kinda, moved things along for the Beta’s again? I think it was Rose, but Dave did a ton to move things along as well, but also their trolls like Terezi and them gave everything big nudges, I think Rose counts as the equivalent Beta in session mover and shaker though

Side note: the panels with vrissy and vriska here very feel cartoonish and light hearted, interesting choice

but it does give off Major “Play Game: Level 1″ vibes if that makes sense

What the fuck is with the Dave Soldiers

I mean, they look more like Red Johns?Jakes? with the black hair

the glasses throw me off though-

UHH DID THEY JUST FUCKING KILL HARRY ANDERSON??

HOLD ON. HOLD UP

TAVROS AND ANNIE: WITH ROSE/JADE/JAKE/JANE

VRISSY: WITH VRISKA DOWN BELOW

HARRY: WITH JOHN. ON JOHN’S COUCH.

JOHN IS ALSO STILL HERE, MEANING HARRY SHOULD BE WITH HIM.

yeah he literally just went outside for a second to see where the V’s went and then the house gets bombed, and we get three whole panels dedicated to John slowly sitting down in the wreckage

Harry Anderson just got fucking killed holy shit.

oh my god, they were leading up to it too.

We just had three seperate death flags for the other 3 kids in a row

Brain Ghost Dirk warned Jake that Annie was gonna die via electrocution unless he stepped up

Jane was gonna let Tavros die vie neck snapping (even though Kanaya really wouldn’t have)

Vriska and Vrissy discuss god tiering, and what it would mean for Vrissy, death is a subtle implication there but still there

Now to see if Jane’s ever revived Harry Anderson before in the next update I suppose :o

*edit*

They did not kill Harry Anderson, I saw pumpkins in front of the house that got exploded and didn’t see it looks different than the other bland white suburban house that John actually left, so no one died, Harry just got his implied death threat turn

Harry is at Roxy’s House, John sits in the smoldering ashes of his childhood home, languishing in the idea that Jane, the girl who might have in another reality been his loving grandmother, actually wants him and his kids dead for realsies

he never really got to sit and think about the hole where his home was that the meteor struck when he entered sburb huh? (I know his house came with him, giving the allusion all was well in the Medium, but a real meteor still struck the place that he stopped existing on OG Earth, to an outside observer, it would look like a meteor destroyed his home)

with Vriska talking about sburb to Vrissy, it is nice imagery to imagine the implications of the Kids god tiering from Earth C

and the destruction left in their wake

#Homesquared #Harry Anderson Egbert #RIP Son #John does not have good luck with family and explosives

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dr-matthew-r-mullins-author · 3 years

Text

The Captain Who Couldn't Swim

Dr. Matthew R. Mullins

The first time I went on a boat I never came back - at least, that iteration of me didn’t.

“She’s a beaut, isn’t she?” The Captain touted, strutting around his forty-three-foot yacht. “Yeah, there’s only a handful this sweet in the whole marina.”

I was there strictly on business, an interview for the ship’s captain, Marco Fontaine - a twenty-something, trust-fund child from a long line of hideous, capitalist swine; not a rare sight in this neck of the woods.

This neck of the woods is an island, just south of Detroit; only the finest of reptiles live there.

Before I arrived, I had stopped to buy some tabs of acid from a man who resided somewhere between the crumbling outskirts of Detroit, and the million-dollar homes on the island of Grosse Ile. “Be careful with these ones, they are not for the faint of heart,” he said to me, with a watchful eye.

I slid one on my tongue and drove off, I had work to do. My phone rang and I let it go to voicemail, like always, “uhm, hey Matt, it’s Keith. Just a reminder you have that interview with Captain Marco Fontaine. You’re there to cover his departure for his six-month trip to and from the Gulf of Mexico. Make sure you get plenty of pictures and please - the deadline is at ten on Tuesday, let’s get this one in on time.”

“So how does this work? Like do you ask me questions and then we take some pictures?” He asked me, his face melting in the summer heat. I nodded my head and looked down at the dock under my feet. It was slotted, white metal that looked like it had been recently painted. The water was moving underneath and I could see some of the fish underneath.

He started to nervously chuckle, “okay, so are we going to get started or what?” I looked up toward him and pulled my notepad out of my back pocket and a pen from my collar. “What’s your name and age?” I asked.

He straightened his blue jacket and tilted his captain’s hat back a little and confidently belted out, “Captain Marco Fontaine, I’m twenty-seven.” I wrote something down, but looking back on my notes it’s pretty clear that the acid had kicked in a lot earlier than I thought.

My notes for question one read: the reptile-sailing community hasn’t realized there’s an invader among their forces. An Imposter. Was I talking about me… or him?

“What makes someone want to spend six months of their life sailing to the Gulf of Mexico?” He looked at me for a moment and cleared his throat, “It’s a time-honored tradition to sail the gorgeous Everpeddle to the Gulf of Mexico and back. In fact, my father, my father’s father, and his before him, all sailed this very boat there and back. It’s a journey all Fontaine men must make - to truly complete their journey into adulthood.”

He was incredibly proud of himself, I’m glad I had a tape recorder running to remember any of this.

“Do you have a career or significant other you’re leaving behind to do this?”

“Well, of course, I work at my father’s company, so I’ll be welcomed back with open arms after I return. As for a ‘significant other,’ let’s just say I have options.”

The smell of rainwater filled the air, there was a crack of thunder and lightning; the Captain winced and shuddered at the sound. “I hate storms,” he confided, “I honestly, don’t actually enjoy rain or the water, I can’t even swim.”

“A boat captain that can’t swim?” He stared at me, his eyes were opening up and filling with black goop, and his jaw unhinged. He began slithering around the dock, leaving a trail of snail-like ooze behind him. At this point, he was gurgling and screeching obscenities into the water, “I’m just glad to get out of this godforsaken place. Did you see the homeless asshole begging outside the marina? Put that in your story, tell Detroit to keep its trash in their city and away from people like us.”

His smile showed rows and rows of hideous, perfectly white teeth, jagged and sharp. There was a drop of blood coming from the corner of his mouth that he hastily lapped up with his long, red, pointed tongue. “Don’t you agree? It’s a real problem around here.”

His legs were long and thin, matching his torso and narrow chin. He was as sharply dressed as an inside-out iron maiden. He clicked his heels and walked onto his boat, “don’t you agree?” He insisted. “Don’t you?” His tiny talons combed through his black, greasy hair - he placed the cap back on his head.

I nodded my head - you can’t upset the status quo on an island. Don’t you know these people can be real primitive? Disagree with their twisted opinions and you’ll be hanged, drawn, and quartered, goddamnit. Tribal life is different than suburban life - for instance, they walk around with their genitals out - even worse, if you don’t fall in line with their wild ways of thinking, you’ll be excommunicated. Ousted to the outskirts of a dying city.

“Good, I’m glad you agree. My father told me your publication was truly professional,” he said, his body floating and melting like the contents of a lava lamp. “He’s going to get washed away in this storm.”

“What was that?” He asked me. “Nothing,” I insisted. I asked another question, “you’ve told me what this means to your family, but what does it mean to you?” His eyes drooped below deck, there was a sadness behind his pale blue eyes. Further behind that was an inherited disease as horrendous as the trust fund.

He had clearly inherited a sickness from his father, his father’s father, and his before him. A sickness born from years of cowardness and finger-pointing; a sickness that was sure to be the death of him.

“This trip means that I’ll be able to prove to my father that I belong, and… hey are you okay?” He was looking at me as I started to take my shoes and socks off. “I’m perfectly fine, please go on,” I grunted, leaning over.

“Okay… Well, when I make it back from my trip, he will have to respect the kind of man I am and he’ll promote me to a partner. Then I’ll… are you going to get into the water?” I was rolling up my pant legs, “no, no I’m not going all the way in. Please, go on,” I was rushing him, there was a storm coming after all.

“Well, once I become a partner then I can… okay you’re in the water. I thought you said…” I interrupted him, “I’m just dipping my feet.” I lowered my feet into the water and sat on the dock, “please, go on.”

“I can’t take you seriously if you’re going to sit there and put your feet in the water,” he squealed. I stood up and picked up my shoes, “I can’t take you seriously either.”

We both stood back and locked eyes. I felt like he was ready to pounce. Any moment from now I could be attacked and sent into the sea where my body would never be found. This was a life or death situation and I could taste colors.

He took a step forward, lumbering like an athletic bear - his breath was horrible and the stench grew the closer he got. “I must have disturbed his baby bears. I have to play dead.” I flopped to the ground, feigning death - in hopes that he would just go away.

“Are - are you okay?” He knelt down beside me, nudging me with his huge, brown paw. After a few minutes, he backed down and hid in his boat. I popped up as quickly as I could and ran to my car. I sped away, lighting another cigarette, relieved that I had just bearly made it out with my life.

After a few days, my editor had given up on trying to get a story from me. I submitted the horrific tale that I’m telling you - he didn’t buy it; but I know what I saw.

A few weeks later I received a phone call - Captain Fontaine, the twenty-something ne'er-do-well, had died after he was thrown from his boat during a storm.

It’s a real shame I never made that deadline.

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thepursuitofselfdoubt · 3 years

Text

untitled.

— hi. this is my new tumblr blog with all the drama, pandemonium, and rants i’ll be dumping in here because my brain is a literal landfill site!! haha, just kidding. i just thought it’d be cool to try something like this out, since i already have a journal i write in, i might as well make a little digital journal for the whole world or literally no one, probably some creep to see. but yeah, let me just start this off.

my name is ana (pronounced “aw-nah” like you’re saying “awww!!” to something cute). im a teenage girl living in *ahem* *ahem* canada. i like to draw. i hate sports. I am punctual, i like being on time for things (unless if i don’t care, then ill dress up to make up for it). I have a passion for fashion however my parents find my taste in clothing rather distasteful, but whatever! i love my clothes and the way i look, so can’t let them change me. i like cool weather and summer rain, as well as using cute emoticons like this ٩(๑˘��˘๑)۶~☆°``

i live in a nice suburban neighbourhood near my best friend, she’s really sweet, i like her a lot. of course, i won’t use real names so i will call her “penny” from now on. penny is great, i walk with her all over our town, we talk about anything under the sun. she’s my person, honestly. she’s a great friend to have around, i think she’s one of the people that has stuck with me through thick and thin. I can tell her about anything, or at least, most things.

i’ve held hands with many people in my life. my dad, my mom, my brothers, penny, and even some boys. however, the hands of these boys are the ones ive let go of because of how they’ve wronged me. they’ve done their own things to me and i’ve said things to them—it just never worked out. i feel like i have to shout to the world, “come home to me when you’re ready to love me!” because i have had people ditch me for the way i am.

sometimes i feel like i’m not real!! it’s strange, like how could i be the way i am without being a direct carbon copy of someone? haha, that’s a strange way of wording it. but seriously, how many ana’s are out there in the world? i’d like to know.

i like to learn, learning is beautiful. i love to sing, singing is beautiful. i have a voice, i use it. i am opinionated, so i feel as if it is my duty to speak with the voice i have. the mind i have. the thoughts i have. the world can never have too many opinions, however the only issue is that it is filled to the brim the rottenness. opinions are one thing, but genuine hatred can kill.

i cried last night. i believed my friend group hated me and never cares to hear me. “please don’t leave me” is what i would say to myself. i want to be loved. im manifesting it. i know it’ll come into my life so long as i believe it’s already here. after all, i have the heart so full of love that it can withstand a storm.

i can’t stop remembering how much i missed this one boy, we’ll call him martin. martin was an asshole now that i look back on him, he never really wanted me. he stole my first kiss (i willingly let him) and brushed it off, when i just wanted to hug him and cuddle him more. but that doesn’t matter now, i’ll find someone a million times better.

well, i guess my time here is done for now. this concludes entry numero uno. i wish a beautiful life to all those reading this, you’re loved by me even if i don’t even know you (i said i had a big heart, didn’t i!?)

- you’re favourite, ana.

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st-crylo · 4 years

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Rebound

Part 2

A/N: I’m gonna try to keep this updated weekly, especially since the response to it has been so good :,). Thank you guys so much, I really appreciate y’all for taking time to read my fics!!

Warnings: mostly just swearing, alcohol mention, tobacco use, infidelity

Word Count: 6.2K

Tagging:@haylaansmi @nankstasty @thomasscresswell

Masterlist

As you walked through the door, you saw your mom waiting for you in the kitchen, reading some article in a magazine. When she heard the door close, she looked up and smiled at you.

“How was the first day back?” she asked, a little too enthusiastically.

“Not terrible. Made some new friends,” you replied before heading up the stairs to your room, trying to avoid any more questions. You didn’t want to have to lie to your mom about the new friends you’d made, especially since she saw Kylo how everyone else did.

Closing the door to your room, you heaved a sigh before throwing your backpack onto the ground, and plopping down on your bed, pulling out your phone to see an email. Curious, you opened the notification, then groaned when you saw who the sender was.

(y/n), we really need to talk. I understand that you probably have me blocked, so I had to go to drastic measures. As much as there is I want to say to you, a lot of it can’t be said over an email. However, I do think you should know that I really don’t think you should be hanging out with Ben Solo. He’s not the kind of person someone like you should hang around, and he’s nothing more than a common criminal. I’m only looking out for you. I love you, Shawn.

You wanted to throw your phone across the room, scream at the top of your lungs, and maybe break something. The rage inside you was boiling hot, and you felt like a kettle, left on the stove too long. What kind of desperate asshole decides an email is a great way to contact the girl you cheated on? Why did he even expect a response from you? Most importantly, how dare he claim to love you. The whole thing had you heated, but you held your composure as you deleted the email, and pulled the little slip of paper with Kylo’s number on it out.

You stared at the number, and thought about Kylo’s idea. If you were being completely honest, Shawn’s email made you consider it more seriously. After all, it was obvious that the idea of you even hanging around Kylo set something off in him. If the two of you were to “date,” he would probably lose his shit. Admittedly, the idea of watching Shawn implode like that would be kinda fun.

At the same time, you didn’t know this person. Not Kylo, you’d known him so long, even though today seemed more like a reintroduction instead of a reunion. No, you weren’t sure you knew who you were. You’d never wished ill upon someone like this, and certainly never considered going through with something so major in order to upset someone. That had never really been your style, and you’d always looked down at people who did stuff like that.

But did you really know yourself at all?

You’d been with Shawn for three years, all of high school, really. Those were the most formative years of your life, and they’d been shaped by your boyfriend. Were you really this suburban good girl, who only had good friends, had never even been to a high school party, and certainly never rebelled against even her parents? Or were those things that Shawn had shaped you to be? After all, the more you thought about it, the more you realised his opinions had affected a lot of the way you acted. So now, you were left at an impasse. Were you really who you’d acted as your first three years of high school, or were you someone else entirely that you’d never gotten to discover?

You created a contact for Kylo on your phone, and typed up a message.

What exactly would us “dating” entail?

You started at the screen of your phone as you watched the dots appear as Kylo started texting back. There was a little bit of anxiety in your chest, but the idea of “dating” Kylo filled you with a sense of thrill as well.

We wouldn’t be “dating” right away. We’d pretend to flirt for a while and then start dating. Do basic couple shit at school, but especially wherever him or his little friends can see.

Made sense. It wouldn’t be smart to jump straight to dating, that would be too suspicious. Admittedly, you weren’t entirely sure how to flirt, but you were sure you could get some advice somewhere. You pulled up your keyboard to respond.

We should also make sure to go on dates, too. That way, we can convince your parents we’re dating too.

After all, Kylo had to have something in it as well, and he said he wanted to convince his parents he was improving.

Shit, I forgot about that. I’ll have to bring you around Gran and Granpa too, if that’s okay with you.

Yeah, that’s fine.

So is that a yes?

You thought for a moment. Was this really the decision you wanted to make? Then, you thought about the picture, and thought about the email.

Hell yeah.

***

The next morning, you didn’t have to fight so hard to get out of bed. You actually took the time to throw on some jeans instead of leggings. Most importantly, your heart didn’t feel so heavy. It was like you finally had an inkling of hope in the form of revenge. Looking out of your bedroom window, you noticed how the sky was still overcast, but there was no rain. However, just to be on the safe side, you threw on your jacket and made sure to bring your umbrella.

Walking down the steps, you peeked into the kitchen from the top of the stairs, making sure the coast was clear before continuing your descent. Your dad was there, sipping his morning coffee and reading something on his phone, but your mom was nowhere in sight. Letting out a small sigh of relief, you continued down the stairs, noticing your lunch bag and a small note on the island.

“Morning, (y/n),” your dad said, not looking up from his phone.

“Morning,” you responded before picking up the note.

Morning, dear. I had to head to work early today, but I went ahead and packed your lunch. Have a good day at school! Love, mom.

A small frown pulled the corners of your mouth down a little. You loved your mom, but she had been trying too hard to cheer you up instead of letting you simply wallow in your misery for a couple of days. You neatly folded the note and put it in your pocket before taking your lunch off the counter.

“Bye, dad,” you said as you headed for the front door. Your dad gave you a final wave goodbye before you opened the door, heading out into the world.

Unsurprisingly, Kylo was sitting there, presumably waiting for you as he leaned against the back of his Mustang, smoking his morning cigarette. He must’ve been out there for a while, because he dropped the butt onto the ground before stomping it out and picking it back up. When he came back up, he noticed you and smiled.

“Want another ride?” He asked, standing straight and running a hand through his long hair.

“Beats walking,” you said, walking up to the Skywalker driveway and climbing into the car as Kylo threw his cigarette butt away. Kylo climbed in next, starting the car as soon as he closed the door.

“So my uncle told Gran and Granpa that you and I have been hanging out,” Kylo started as he pulled out of the driveway. “Can you believe they already want you over for dinner?”

You shook your head with a smile on your face. Even though they were your next door neighbors, you hadn’t really spoken to Kylo’s grandparents. “Sounds like fun. When?”

“Friday,” Kylo responded

You simply nodded in response before staring out of the passenger window. Then, you remembered.

“Do you want to hear about something Shawn sent to me yesterday?” you asked, turning to Kylo. He furrowed his brows in confusion as he glanced at you from his peripherals.

“Did you not block him?” he asked, the same confusion he wore on his face mixed into his tone.

“No, I did. He sent me this through email, if you can believe it,” you said.

“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” he replied.

You recalled the contents of the email to the best of your ability, and as you did, you watched Kylo’s knuckles slowly turn white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“And after all of that, he has the nerve to say he loves me? After everything he’s put me through, he has the balls to say he loves me? Apparently not, if he’s perfectly okay sticking his tongue down some other girl’s throat,” you said with an angry huff, as tears threatened to fall. They weren’t sad tears, however. No, these were the tears of pure unbridled rage that only became realized when you talked about the situation out loud. It was weird, but admittedly the feeling was welcome. You were tired of being sad, and angry was a much better improvement. At least with anger you could stop moping around.

“I hate that shit,” Kylo commented as he stopped at the red light at the end of the neighborhood. “They always try to tell you they love you, but if they loved you they wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Fuck that.”

“My sentiments exactly.” There was another good thing about Kylo; he could relate to you. You knew that none of your friends had ever been cheated on before, so it was a lot harder to talk to them about it. Kylo, though, he knew the pain, the resentment, everything. He would know exactly how you were feeling and not make any judgments-not that he would do it whether or not he’d experienced it anyways. It was such a different change of scenery, it was honestly refreshing.

Not that you didn’t love your friends, you treasured them dearly. There was just something about knowing someone who’d had the same experiences as you.

The light turned green and Kylo drove forward into the school parking lot, maneuvering into his spot. When he placed the car in park, there was a small ding from his phone, and he grabbed it, checking the notification.

“Milo’s gonna drop Sami and Alan off, so they’re gonna hang with us before class. Means you can meet Milo,” Kylo said before texting a reply. You didn’t know why, but you had a really good feeling about Milo. After all, he was a friend of Kylo’s.

It was about five minutes later when a grey Honda Civic pulled up beside the two of you. Needless to say, that was not what you were expecting. You watched as Sami and Alan stepped out of the Honda Civic, followed by who you assumed was Milo.

He was maybe an inch taller than Kylo, his hair bleached white with dark brown barely peeking out at the roots of his hair. He had a cigarette between his lips, and you wondered if that was where Kylo had picked up the habit. When Kylo rolled down your window, he leaned against the car and peered in through the window while Alan and Sami climbed into the backseat behind the driver’s seat. Once they were in the back, Kylo set the seat back, settling in and closing the door.

“You must be (y/n),” he said, holding out his hand to you. You shook his hand and smiled up at him.

“That’s me,” you answered before dropping your hand onto your lap.

“So, are we still on for Friday?” Milo asked, turning to Kylo. Kylo frowned before letting out a sigh.

“Shit, I forgot. Told my grandparents that me and (y/n) would have dinner with them. If you wanna go later though, I can probably sneak out,” Kylo responded, running a hand through his hair.

“That’s fine, just don’t get caught. Wanna come along too, (y/n)? Sami, Alan, Phasma, and Pat are coming,” Milo said, turning back to you.

“Where exactly?” you asked, turning to Kylo.

“Jordan’s place, she graduated with Milo. She’s having a kickback before heading to Coruscant for college,” Kylo explained.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you started, a little uncomfortable about being invited to the house of someone you didn’t know.

“If you go, Kylo might not have to sneak out,” Sami suggested from the back. “Besides, Jordan’s really chill, I think you’d like her.”

“How would her going with me make it to where I don’t have to sneak out?” Kylo asked, turning around to face Sami.

“Well, no one really expects (y/n) to go to a party. She could just tell your grandparents that the two of you are going to study,” Sami offered. As you thought it over, it was a pretty decent idea. You didn’t really have the party reputation, and everyone knew it.

“I’m game,” you answered. Kylo looked at you with a look of surprise, but simply shrugged as he pulled out a cigarette from the box.

“Sick. I’ll see you Friday then. I gotta go, I have a shift in thirty minutes. See ya, Alan, bye babe!” Milo said before blowing a kiss to Sami. She smiled back at him and waved goodbye as he climbed back into his car, driving off out of the parking lot.

“Oh, (y/n), you might wanna tell your parents you’re staying at my place on Friday night,” Sami said as Kylo lit his cigarette. “Jordan usually has drinks at her ‘kickbacks.’” You nodded as you looked back at her.

“So did he ask you yet?” came Alan’s voice, his eyes refusing to leave the screen of his phone.

“As a matter of fact,” Kylo said after taking the first drag of his cig. “I did. Me and (y/n) are planning to ‘date.’ And Sami thought I wouldn’t have the balls.” He blew the smoke out of the window, before taking another drag.

“I never said that,” Sami said with a frown. “I just said that your explanation of your plan seemed a little lacking. I’m glad you agreed, though, (y/n). Shawn’s a piece of shit.”

“You’re telling me,” you said as you let out a sigh. “Can’t wait to see the look on his smug little face when I start ‘dating’ someone he hates. Wasn’t aware that Kylo shared his plan with everyone, though.” A small flush arose in Kylo’s cheeks, and he didn’t make eye contact with you.

“You would be surprised, when he’s not being an emo prick, he won’t shut the fuck up,” Alan added, looking up with a smirk. Kylo looked back at him with his brows furrowed.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kylo huffed out. He finished up the last of his cigarette before checking the clock. It was 8:00 already.

“Shit, let’s get going, punks,” Sami said, lightly kicking the back of Kylo’s seat.

“Fuck, I’m getting out. Hand me my bag,” Kylo said as he tossed the cigarette butt into the car’s ashtray. Without warning, a black backpack went flying towards Kylo and hit him on the chest. “Fuck you, Sami.” He grabbed his bag by the straps and stepped out of the car, bringing the seat forward so Sami and Alan could climb out. You stepped out of the car and closed the door behind you, putting your backpack onto your shoulders while you waited for everyone to step out. Kylo walked forward first and you fell into step beside him.

As the four of you walked into the building, you could feel people turn to stare at you, and you remembered your reputation. You weren’t the kind of girl to hang out with Kylo Ren and his ilk, you were one of the good girls. A small voice in the back of your head resented that.

Alan split off pretty quickly, bidding his farewell before heading to his first class. Sami was next, saying she wanted to be early to art, so she said her goodbye before speeding away.

“Guess I’ll see you at lunch,” Kylo said as the two of you parted, and you headed for your econ class.

Much like yesterday, the pace of which your first two classes moved was painfully slow. You weren’t surprised, the first day of actual class was horrible, but you tried to stay focused and take notes. Whenever you got distracted, though, you kept thinking about the plan you and Kylo had established. It felt like the perfect revenge, “dating” someone Shawn hated. However, the more you thought about it, the more you wondered why exactly Shawn hated Kylo. Kylo had said it was because he’d punched Shawn, but you felt like there was something there that you were missing, some truth that Kylo didn’t want to say.

You couldn’t worry about it too much, though. It was Kylo’s business, and you didn’t want to pry if he didn’t want to tell you exactly what had happened. You definitely weren’t going to go to Shawn for the reason, and you doubted that Shawn would tell you the truth anyways, so it would have to remain an unsolved mystery in your mind.

Lunch could not have come sooner, and as you flowed into the cafeteria with the rest of the people who had third lunch, you looked around for your new group of friends. You saw Phasma first, who waved at you to come over to her. As you walked closer, you watched as she stepped out to the outdoor seating, and you followed, noticing everyone else sitting there too. There were only a handful of other groups outside as well, so it was much more quiet and calm than being in the loud cafeteria.

“Man, Mr. Jinn’s class is kicking my ass,” you heard Alan say as you sat down between Phasma and Kylo.

“How, it’s only the second day of classes?” Phasma asked before biting into a roll.

“Have you ever had Mr. Jinn’s class, Phasma?” Kylo asked, putting a bookmark in the book he was reading.

“No.”

“Then don’t say shit. He’s a cool guy, but damn he gives a lot of homework. Alan, if you need help, don’t come to me,” Kylo said, leaning against the table. Alan frowned as he looked up at Kylo.

“Wow, thanks, Kylo, you’re such a hero,” he quipped.

“So, (y/n), how was the beginning of your second day?” Sami asked, pushing aside her untouched lunch as she leaned forward to talk to you.

“It was alright, but I’m getting tired of people staring at me,” you responded. Even though you’d tried your hardest to focus, the whispers were still hard to ignore. It almost felt like you were being punished for Shawn’s actions.

“People don’t know how to mind their own goddamn business,” Phasma stated. “They just want shit to gossip about. When you’re not the fresh gossip anymore, they’ll all but forget you exist.”

“I can’t wait for that to happen. I’m tired of hearing rumors about something involving me. Especially since I basically don’t know shit,” you admitted. This caused Sami to raise her eyebrows.

“How do you mean? If you don’t mind, of course.” For a second, you pondered on whether or not you wanted to talk about it, but your doubt washed away pretty quickly. It was amazing how comfortable you felt around these people. You did look around the courtyard though, to make sure there was no one there that you didn’t want to hear what you were talking about. When you decided the coast was clear, you let out a sigh before you spoke.

“Well, on Thursday, I was sent a picture,” you started, feeling the pang in your chest, but not as fiercely as you did yesterday. “It was of Shawn making out with some girl. I’m guessing it was one of his friends who sent it to me, but it wasn’t from a number I had saved. I’m also assuming that whoever it was that sent the picture also sent it to a lot of people. I got a lot of messages that night from people I’d maybe spoken to once about what happened, but the thing is, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t want Shawn’s explanation, because I didn’t think he’d be truly honest, and I wasn’t sure who to ask about it. Shawn’s friends would probably defend him.”

Sami’s face turned to one of deep thought, as if she was trying to solve some kind of puzzle.

“Did you think about texting the sender?” Alan asked. When he said it, you felt kind of dumb for not thinking about it.

“I did not,” you admitted.

“I can write something up for you,” Sami offered. “That way you don’t have to look at the picture again.” You shrugged, and handed your phone to Sami, who took it in her hands, bringing it close to her face. She tapped on what you assumed was the conversation with the sender, and for a moment, you could have sworn there was shock in her eyes. If it had been there, it didn’t last, as her face instantly went back to the one of thought. She hesitated a moment, then started typing away.

“How does this sound: Hey, I want to thank you for sending this. Do you mind telling me how you came upon this picture?” She said aloud.

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” you said. Sami tapped the screen again, sending the message, before handing your phone back to you. A part of you felt a little anxious. On the one hand, you wanted to know the story behind the photo, but at the same time, you wanted to remain willfully ignorant. It mostly branched from a fear inside you that he’d been cheating for a long time.

However, the rest of lunch passed, and you hadn’t received any messages. While it was a little relieving, it still added on to the anxiety that had settled in the pit of your stomach. You tried to ignore it though, as you and Kylo headed to physics, the two of you walking in a comfortable silence.

When you got to Mr. Windu’s class, the two of you took your seats, while people whispered from around the room.

“Can you believe she’s hanging out with him now?”

“She really shouldn’t lower her standards like that just because of what happened.”

The last one had you whipping around, trying to find the person who said it. Everyone looked away when you did, though, so there was no clear suspect, but it didn’t prevent you from glaring at everyone around the room. At least, you did until you saw Shawn walk in. Once you caught even the slightest glimpse out of the corner of your eye, you turned back around, boiling in your anger.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kylo said softly, unbothered by the whispers. “I’m the town disappointment, of course they’re going to say that.” You looked up at Kylo and frowned.

“What makes them so holy to pass judgement like that? I’m sure they’ve all done fucked up shit too, their parents just aren’t as in the spotlight as yours,” you huffed out as Mr. Windu began to take roll.

When Mr. Windu’s lecture started, you were your normal studious self, taking detailed notes and making sure to get any equations down. Every once in a while, you would look over to Kylo’s notes and noticed the bare minimum of notes being taken. At one point, you looked at him incredulously. He simply shrugged before writing in the margins of your notes.

I’ve always been good at science. You let out a small huff of air before writing back.

Lucky. Kylo smiled before looking back up at the board, where Mr. Windu was writing another equation.

When the bell rang, you quickly shoved your stuff into your backpack, and waited for Kylo so the two of you could get to fourth block. Once Kylo had his stuff packed, the two of you were off. You were free, at least that was what you thought. The notion of freedom disappeared when you felt a hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks, and for Kylo to stop as well. Turning around, you had to resist the incredible urge to punch Shawn in the face.

“You haven’t been responding to my messages,” he stated. He was obviously trying to sound hurt, but you could hear that hint of anger in his voice. It was something you were familiar with, but it was weird for it to be directed at you.

“Fuck off, Alvarez,” Kylo said, stepping forward, his figure looming over you. You looked up at Kylo and shook your head.

“I don’t remember asking your opinion, Solo,” Shawn said, trying to puff out his chest. It was kind of funny to see, honestly, because he was at least six inches shorter than Kylo. Despite how funny a part of you found Shawn’s response, though, you stepped between them.

“Have you considered that the reason I haven’t responded to you is because I don’t give a fuck about what you have to say?” You finally said, crossing your arms as you looked at Shawn. Looking at him straight on like this for the first time in a week was causing your stomach to churn, and your heart to clench, but you were tired, in every sense of the word. You just wanted to be left alone to deal with your emotions, and not have him harassing you every three seconds.

“You have to let me explain myself-” he started, but you let out a laugh, one of those laughs that dripped of sarcasm and anger.

“I don’t have to let you do shit. You cheated on me, end of story. Please, just leave me alone,” you said before turning around and walking off. After a few seconds, you heard Kylo begin to follow you, catching up to you with ease and falling into step beside you, not saying a word. You appreciated that, as you were trying your hardest not to cry. As much as you thought your anger had taken over your sadness, it was really just a blanket. At this moment, it felt like you were shriveling from the inside, and anything said to you would immediately cause you to start sobbing. It was a special kind of hurt, being cheated on. So many emotions ran through your head, but the one that remained in your heart always lingered; why weren’t you enough?

The two of you walked into fourth block not but two minutes before the bell rang. You took the same seat you sat in yesterday, and settled in your seat, breathing deeply to keep yourself calm. You saw Sami and Phasma both look at Kylo, confused looks on their faces. Kylo merely shook his head before pulling out a notebook. Taking one final deep breath, you did the same, sitting straight as you waited for Mr. Skywalker to call roll.

Once he’d done so, he picked up a crate, placing it on the desk nearest to him.

“Alright, go ahead, come up, and grab your copy of Beowulf,” he said.

“I’ll get them.” Kylo said as he stood, walking up to the crate and waiting behind your other classmates as he waited to grab the books. When he came back, he handed a book to each of you, and you gave him a half smile. It was all you could really manage, but Kylo matched it with a little more enthusiasm than you.

Once everyone had their books, Mr. Skywalker decided to go into the history of Beowulf. However, during his explanation, you began to zone out. You really just wanted to go home, curl up in your room, and sleep until tomorrow came. You did feel a hand tap you, and you turned to Kylo, who was holding out a slip of paper to you, while keeping his eyes on the board. You took the folded paper from his hand, and opened it up. On the paper were two phone numbers, the top one being Phasma’s, and the lower being Sami’s. You typed both into your phone and sent a simple “hey” to each number. Sami responded back.

You okay?

With a sigh, you started typing on your keyboard.

Yeah, just had a run-in with my ex. You watched Sami out of the corner of your eye as she read your message and responded.

Shit, I’m sorry. She then sent a picture of a ridiculously fat cat, which actually did make you smile.

The rest of class passed by pretty quickly, even after the class started the beginning of the poem aloud, which, like anyone else, you had to admit was the worst part of class. When Mr. Skywalker had decided the class had done enough reading, everyone began to pack up as they waited for the final bell to ring to let them out of class. Phasma and Sami both turned around in their seats to strike conversation for the last few minutes of class.

“Glad that’s over,” Phasma said, frowning. “Why do we have to read aloud in the first place?”

“Torture,” Sami said sagely. “We’re meant to suffer.”

“Pretty sure it’s so that people can gain confidence reading aloud and speaking in front of a crowd,” Kylo said as he leaned back in his seat, looking at his phone.

“What academic input, truly an improvement for such a delinquent,” Phasma quipped, causing Kylo to look up from his phone, eyebrows raised, before returning to staring at the screen. “So, I heard you’re coming to Jordan’s on Friday.” Phasma now turned to you.

“Yeah. I’m actually pretty excited,” you said, leaning forward to feel more present in the conversation.

“As you should be, Jordan knows how to have fun,” Sami said, making herself sound like an expert in the subject of Jordan. You laughed as the bell rang, standing up and stretching before slinging your backpack onto your shoulder. You watched as Finn, Poe, Rey, and Rose all walked by, waving at you as they went. You waved back to each of them, but frowned a little once they’d passed. You hadn’t really spoken to them much since Thursday, and you felt kinda bad about it. You would talk to them tonight, you decided.

Soon, the four of you filed out of the classroom, walking at a comfortable pace as Kylo and Phasma walked together, talking about skating. You and Sami walked side by side in silence, until Sami leaned closer to you, so that the two in front of you couldn’t hear.

“I think I know who the girl in the picture is. Text me when you get home,” she said before drifting away again. You felt your chest tighten, but you only nodded, deciding to change the subject.

“I’m gonna tell my mom I’m staying at your place Friday night when I get home. She’s a little weird about sleepovers, so she might want to talk to you,” you said as your group reached the front of the school.

“Hey, I can probably just tell my grandparents that the three of us are gonna study at your place,” Kylo offered.

“Yeah, that works. After all, I am the only one of your friends who hasn’t wound up with the title ‘delinquent,’” Sami quipped. Kylo gave a frown in response, before stopping in front of the entrance to the school.

“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Kylo said. The two of you waved goodbye before heading to Kylo’s car. There was silence at first as the two of you climbed into the car, and Kylo started the engine, but it was broken with a sigh from Kylo.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. If Shawn’s just gonna harass you for even being around me, it isn’t really worth it,” he said, pulling out of his parking spot. You couldn’t help but let out your own sigh.

“That’s not the reason he’s harassing me,” you started. “He’s harassing me because he thinks he can still control me, and convince me that he didn’t mean it. Honestly, the easiest way to get him to leave me alone is if we stick to the plan.” It was a frustrating realization, but it was certainly true. If Shawn thought you had moved on, he was probably more likely to leave you alone. Sure, he’d probably have some choice words to say about you, but you seriously doubted that he’d say them to your face.

The rest of the drive home was spent with the music loud, Kylo occasionally singing along softly. When the two of you pulled into the driveway, you waited before stepping out, and turned to Kylo.

“Thanks for sticking up for me again. You really don’t have to do that,” you said. Kylo shook his head and ran a hand through his ebony hair.

“You’re my friend, (y/n). I’ll always stick up for you,” he responded before turning the car off. You gave him a small smile before opening the door.

“See you in the morning,” you said before stepping out.

“See ya, bright and early,” he responded with a smirk. You shook your head as you turned to head to your house.

Upon walking in the door, you saw your mom sitting at the dining room table. She was looking at what looked to be some documents from work, but she looked up when you closed the door, and gave you a warm smile.

Here goes, you thought to yourself before returning her smile, and walking up to the table.

“How was your day, honey?” she asked, shifting her attention to you.

“It was good. Actually, my friend Sami invited me to stay at her place on Friday,” you responded. You actually felt a lot of anxiety in your chest, but you were trying your hardest not to let it show. You’d never really lied to your parents like this before, and it was strange for that to start your senior year, but you actually really wanted to go. The opportunity to hang out with your new set of friends, not to mention Kylo, was so exciting.

“Oh, is this that new friend you were talking about yesterday?” she asked. It almost looked like there was a great deal of happiness in her eyes. They practically lit up, and you couldn’t really say you blamed her. After all, after you’d gotten home on Thursday, you had shut yourself in your room, refusing to come out. Making new friends and being invited to one of their houses? It was definitely an upgrade.

“Yeah. She’s really cool, and she’s trying to get into art school,” you said, smiling at your mom.

“Alright, but I want you to message me throughout the night. Are you gonna head home with her that night?” Your heart dropped at that. You hadn’t mentioned anything about Kylo- obviously- and you were supposed to be having dinner with the Skywalkers on Friday as well. There really was no point in lying about that, it would be too easy to get caught.

“Actually, I’m supposed to have dinner with the Skywalkers next door that night, too. I’ve been getting rides from Ben, and his grandparents invited me to dinner,” you said, waiting for shit to hit the fan. Surprisingly, your mother’s face didn’t turn red, but she did frown.

“I don’t know about you hanging around with Ben Solo…” you could tell she was trying to be delicate, but there was no mistaking in her voice that she felt the same way about him that all the parents did. You knew another lie was needed in this scenario too.

“He has been giving me rides, and they really just want us to be friends because they think I’ll make him be a little more responsible. But he did offer to take me to Sami’s house too. I promise, when I get there, I’ll take a picture with Sami and send it to you,” you said. You could see the cogs turning over in her head as she thought it over. When she finally let out a sigh, you knew she had relented.

“Alright, but I want to see you after dinner, before you leave for Sami’s, okay?” she said. You smiled and nodded before turning on your heels, heading for the stairs.

“I’m gonna go ahead and get started on dinner,” she called as you practically skipped up the stairs.

When you got into your room, you let your backpack fall to the ground before plopping onto your bed and pulling your phone. You had two messages. One was from Sami, and you remembered what she had told you earlier. With a pang in your chest, your excitement for Friday extinguished, you decided to look at the other message.

It was from the sender of the picture.

#kylo ren #kylo ren fanfiction #star wars fanfic #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #reader insert #reader insert fanfic #highschool au

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feelhuman · 4 years

Text

ʻ / wow , i am so excited to introduce jessica delaunchy to our current students at cape coral . she is extremely excited to join track / field & latin . coming in as a twenty one year old junior , they shouldn’t worry about fitting in . the cisfemale leo has always reminded me of zoë love smith , but some people don’t see it . trying to keep the fact that she was under witness protection from getting around this school is going to be tough . no worries , though , cape coral will create a new life for them , i assure you . ʼ

hiya beans ! i’m nae ( she / her , twenty , australia gal / acst tmz ! ) and i’m real pumped to get crackin’ & introduce you to this walking tragedy ! ── this is my gal jess , who is rlly smthin else , phew . i truly am in love with her tho & i hope ya’ll like her too ! click .... the .... read more .... now .

basic stats .

* find her full stats here !

current legal name : jessica blaire delaunchy.

nickname / alias : jess , jj. / none.

gender / pronouns : cisfemale , she / her.

dob / age : august 13 1998. / twenty one.

place of birth : long beach , california.

currently living : portland , maine.

ethnicity : curaçao , indonesian.

nationality : american.

languages spoken : primarily english , learning latin .

religion : her father was christian & her mother was muslim , so she was exposed to both growing up ( her dad wanting her to feel closer to her mother in a way. ) jess doesn’t really know which bracket she falls in , if at all , so instead she respects both . does this make sense ..... no.

sexual / romantic orientation : pansexual , panromantic.

occupation : self - employed , ig ? she takes odd jobs wherever possible , and the $$ is always under the table : house / pet / baby sittin’ , deliveries , written papers / tutoring , even ... dare i say it ... gambling.

education : scholarship student at cape coral international school.

major : archaeology.

biography .

* tw : parental / family death , murder , gang activity , & nae’s obsession with rlly bad tragic backstories .

the unfortunate beginning to this story is this : a girl understands death before she understands life ; a sad truth , a lost mother on the birthing bed as they try reviving the infant & succeed , a broken family from day one ━ she’s born novi ovard , with a head of thick raven hair & a set of lungs you can hear three floors down , but healthy , alive ; her mother meets a much more grim fate that very hour , and it’s almost as if she carries that misfortune as a stain for the remainder of her childhood , because if she wasn’t here , maybe her mother would have been .

her father is a stern man , strict & abrasive ; he loves his daughter though , that is crystal . nora grows up wanting little , and some could say that is her father’s way of over - compensating for the lack of maternal parent in the household and the way he works long hours at the police department . he remarries when nora is twelve , to a woman with a couple of daughters & a son . it’s not a bad thing , no evil step - mother or new step - siblings horror stories ; nora likes the feel of a feminine presence , likes having siblings to confide in . most importantly , she sees her father smile for the first time in years , and that’s more than enough . it’s a family , not entirely by blood , but it feels just as close ; like pieces that finally form a whole .

FAMILY OF FIVE FOUND MURDERED IN LONG BEACH SUBURBAN HOME : nora comes home from a night out with friends to find strange men in her house & bloody stains on the carpet . they don’t see her , if they had perhaps she wouldn’t be breathing right now , but she see’s them and that’s just as bad ━ the lights flash bright red & blue as the cops ask for a recount of the events that occurred , but she can only describe faces and remember a few names shouted as the culprits ran from the crime scene . they presume it’s connected to the L.A mafia , looking for justice from a cop that did them dirty a few years back , but there’s not enough evidence yet & they say her safety is at risk now . so , they offer her protection , say it’s for the best if she leaves her california life behind , leave everything behind and start anew .

portland is a big city , not entirely ideal but it’ll do for now . she leaves california as novi ovard , and is reborn as jessica delaunchy in maine ━ no one remembers a jessica delaunchy , or at least , no one truly knows who she is . she lives with her aunt , no ; her parents work overseas so she lives alone . she’s from somewhere in west virginia , except she doesn’t sound like it , so maybe it was oregon ? apparently she got expelled from her last school for setting fire to the gym , or was it trashing the headmaster’s coupé ? in truth , not much truth is known about jessica delaunchy . she’s only at cape coral because the thought of getting a free ride to an expensive school sounded appealing , and a refreshing change from a life of constant camouflage ; she only joins track , because everyone hates track . she only joins the latin club because who really has the patience for it ? jessica blends in , jessica is just jessica ━ an enigma , hell in heelys , possible undercover secret agent ( ? ) and a heck of a lot of fun to have by your side on friday nights .

other tid bits .

phew , where do i begin . . . in general she’s a pretty fun gal ! knows how to let loose & have a good time . we’re here for a fun time , not a long time , homeboys .

this is also her downfall because she will literally do ANYTHING to have fun ━ jump from a moving car ? sounds cool . jump into a tank full of piranhas ? best idea she’s ever had , get the camera , tony .

does NOT understand boundaries !! at all !! she’s not sorry !!

bit of a compulsive liar too tho ?? she’s one of those people that you never rlly know if they’re telling you the truth or just mucking around , which she is like 99 % of the time , and no - matter how much you pester her , she will just come up with more extravagant ways to deter you from the truth because she has some sort of . . . allergy to sincerity , ig .

for ex . don’t ask abt her family unless you want a 5 hr presentation on how she’s related to the lost romanov family & was disowned because they were too intimidated by her big dick energy .

really in denial ?? over everything that happened ?? she’s been ignoring the truth for years & tries not to let her thoughts wander too close to family . which is # yike !

as much as the portrays this too cool for school persona , she actually enjoys it ! she’s v smart & studious , loves history , philosophy , literature , loves it .

a complete DORK .

rlly bad attention span tho & one of those annoying ppl that waits until a person finishes talking and says ‘ u say smthin ? ’

lives on her own w/ her cat larry , who she uses as a judge of character but he hates everyone so its .... useless , but one day this asshole is gonna like someone and she’s gonna be STUNNED .

has a big heart .... somewhere . she just forgets she’s supposed to have one sometimes dfkjlhhfdhg

will always do the unconventional way of doing things because she hates following the norm or being labelled as a stereotype !! def one of those ‘ i liked it before it was COOL ’ bitter ppl too.

i think that’s iT ?? I THINK .

wanted connections .

* find her wc page here ! if nothing floats ur goat tho , pls hmu & we can figure something out ! ( either here or on d*scord : i’m stu pedasso #7836 )

#capecoral:intro #whew !! we did it .... it is Done

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forgenotes-archived · 4 years

Text

VERONICA ROSE SAWYER AND THE MUSIC OF ST VINCENT .

word count : 3,006 . trigger warnings for : child abuse / neglect , depression , self harm , suicide , murder .

there are a few points that i will be ignoring - namely , clarke’s music does have a heavy focus on catholicism that ronnie , as a jewish woman , won’t relate to necessarily on a literal level . i might purposely misinterpret some of the more catholic songs , but for the most part , i’ll just . . . skip over that shit , lol .

of course , not every song of hers makes perfect sense with veronica , but there are a substantial amount that really hit home for characterization purposes . i’ll be pretty brief about them mostly due to the fact that this is going to be long enough but !

please enjoy a massive post about veronica’s most influential muse inspiration , st vincent , and how each song sparks a different facet of her characterization , personality , and history .

ALBUM ONE - MARRY ME .

*** NOW , NOW . this song is one of five songs that truly cuts to the very core of veronica’s persona . it is written as a cutting dismantlement of preconceived notions ; and while that in a general sense does apply to her , it pulls apart as a particularly embittered attack on heather chandler . with the deconstruction of her worth to her ( i’m not your mother’s favourite dog / i’m not the carpet you walk on / i’m not the feather at your feet / i’m not the paw to your king / i’m not anyone you’ll beat ) , it harkens to her rebellion and powerful nature that’s been crushed under heather’s heel . the chorus and final lines of the song draw perfect parallels to her and heather’s fight at the party , and the inevitable death - you don’t mean that , say you’re sorry / i’ll make you sorry . this track is desperately dramatically perfectly attached to my interpretation of ronnie .

*** YOUR LIPS ARE RED . this goes along almost chronologically with above - this song is about murder , explicitly ; and by god does that ever track ! particular lyrics of note are : this city’s red from riding us into the ground / your face is drawn from drawing words right from my lips / my hands are red from sealing your red lips / your skin’s so fair , it’s not fair . the narrative of the song leads towards a crime of passion ; anger and hate towards someone with some sort of power over them , and the eventual revenge for their ( perceived ) mistreatment . veronica doesn’t feel as bad as she should that heather’s gone ; a part of her feels satisfied , and that’s the part that this song exemplifies .

THE APOCALYPSE SONG . embracing the carnal nature of life and cutting away from those who refuse to ( or are too afraid to ) join you - in a more subdued sense , it’s similar to what veronica does in cutting loose from her friends ; and further still , ostracizing herself from her family to build a more spectacular life for herself and jason . important lyrics to note : you’ll awake with the stitches over both of your eyes , and deny me my body and all earthly delights / i guess you are afraid of what everyone is made of / your devotion has the look of a lunatic’s gaze .

LANDMINES . in terms of the tragedy of the beginnings of her and jason’s relationship - when he spirals into the worst parts of his plans , she is desperate to try and lure him back to the better side . it’s sadness , it’s hope without reason , it’s painful . important lyrics to note : i’m crawling through landmines just to know where you are / there’s smoke in my eyes , ‘cause you’re burning the ground / i’m crawling through landmines - i know , ‘cause i planted them / under cover of night , i put my heart in the ground / where’d you go ? please don’t go / i found your glove with the leather torn , five fingers that i’m counting on , smoke signals to call you right here .

ALBUM TWO - ACTOR .

THE STRANGERS . clarke said she’d written this song about a woman who’s spoiled by decadence and leisure , but is desperately sad by her situation . which , in all honesty , fits veronica to a t - exhausted by the picturesque garden , and unwilling to continue being trimmed to fit in paradise . important lyrics to note : lover , i don’t play to win , but for the thrill ‘till i’m spent / you showed up with a black eye , ready to go start a fight / desperate don’t look good on you , neither does your virtue / paint the black hole blacker .

THE NEIGHBOURS . the song paints a picture of a hatred of suburban sedentary lifestyles ; partial arson , partial alcoholism , all very accurate to the way ronnie feels being stuck in sherwood ohio . important lyrics to note : let’s pour wine in coffee cups and drive around the neighbourhood / i won’t believe not a word you speak just make it sweet to hear / these kids are foaming at the mouths , psychotropic capricorns / how can monday be alright , then on tuesday lose my mind ?

* BLACK RAINBOW . this is a portrait of one person in their isolation of an elevated comprehension above the brainwashed masses of average american life - the loneliness in their own self - aggrandizing thought processes , but also the pangs of hopelessness when they know that they’re still right . veronica is allowed an understanding that her parents and these remington assholes have chosen to ignore . important lyrics to note : think i’m glass , think i’m breaking it / let the children act like furniture for the ladies of the lawn / unkissed boys and girls of paradise lining up around the block / back pocket full of dynamite while the neighbours talk and talk / bird outside the kitchen , fighting his reflection , what’s he gonna win when he wins ? / if you want the neighbours woke , you’ll have to shout even louder .

* LAUGHING WITH A MOUTH OF BLOOD . clarke has described this song as a balancing act between the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future , and the desperation that’s found when those two roads meet . ronnie’s got scars she’s healing from , but she’s also got no idea why and how to keep on living afterwards . important lyrics to note : just like an amnesiac , trying to get my senses back / laughing with a mouth of blood from a little spill i took / all my old friends aren’t so friendly , and all my old haunts are now haunting me / i can’t see the future but i know it’s watching me .

MARROW . a vague song , but one that resonates deeper with ronnie than she expected through its undertones of feeling as though she’s not in control of her body . important lyrics to note : i wish i had a gentle mind and spine made up of iron / mouth connects to the teeth and teeth to the loves and the curses / so i pretend there aren’t ten strings tied to all ten of my fingers .

THE PARTY . a dreamscape of a song that touches on her subtle alcoholism and desperation for connections that never come . veronica’s coping mechanisms lead her into bad habits in order to make connections , but ultimately leave her completely floundering after everything’s over . important lyrics to note : i’d pay anything to keep my conscience clean / there aren’t enough hands to point all the fingers / i lick the ice cube from your empty glass / honey , the party , you went away quickly / i’ve said much too much and they’re trying to sweep up .

* JUST THE SAME BUT BRAND NEW . this song is a floating heartbreak , following the descent into depression st vincent falls into after losing somebody she loves - did she do something wrong ? where do i go from now ? how do i fill this hole in my heart ? veronica feels this on a lesser level towards her friends , however few she may have had ; but in its fullest extent after jd , because despite everything ( fear , pain , abuse ) , she still loves him for what she thought she had . important lyrics to note : so i walked away all perfumed , felt just the same but brand new / and anything you wrote i checked for codes and clues / i changed my ‘a’s and ‘i’s to yours / i do my best impression of weightlessness now too / i might be wrong , i might be wrong , i might be wrong , but honey i believed i could just float away , dangling .

ALBUM THREE - STRANGE MERCY .

* CHEERLEADER . a determined cry to reject the role being forced upon her ; a final stand to shed the expectations thrown over her , while also reminiscing on how these constraints have forced veronica to become afraid of being vulnerable . important lyrics to note : i’ve had good times with some bad guys / i’ve told whole lies with a half smile / i don’t know what good it serves , pouring my purse in the dirt / i’ve played dumb when i knew better / i don’t know what i deserve , but your you i could work / i don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more , i don’t wanna be a dirt eater no more .

DILETTANTE . a brutal cutting slice of her and jason dean’s relationship - a desire to stay , but a desperation to bring their passion back down to earth . partially a love song , trying to preserve their fire without burning up ; partially a lament about overcoming the fear of stagnation . important lyrics to note : nobody’s winning , the sharks are swimming in the red / while you are sleeping , my mind goes creaking down the wall / slow down dilettante so i can limp beside you , i’m following your houndstooth / street savant , my bank in my back pocket , how far you think it’d take us ? / but let’s not forget why we crawled here .

ALBUM FOUR - ST VINCENT .

* PRINCE JOHNNY . this is the second song in a trilogy about an archetype of a friend clarke has named “ johnny ” - this particular angle focuses on the helpless desperation to stop someone you care about from falling down a dangerous , self - destructive path . in veronica’s eyes , jason is her prince johnny . important lyrics to note : prince johnny , you’re kind but you’re not simple , by now , i think i know the difference / saw you pray to all to make you a real boy / prince johnny , you’re kind , but do be careful / don’t mistake my affection for another spit - and - penny style redemption / i wanna mean more than i mean to you .

DIGITAL WITNESS . a cutting dialogue on the desperation for popularity ; in modern day , it’s a critique of social media and societal pressures , but in terms of veronica’s timeline , it doubles as a light on westerburg’s obsession with their queen bees . important lyrics to note : i want all of your mind / if i can’t show it , if you can’t see me , what’s the point of doing anything ? / this is no time for confessing / if you can’t see me , watch me jump right off the london bridge / get back to your stare , i care , but i don’t care / what’s the point of even sleeping ? so i stop sleeping / won’t somebody sell me back to me ?

REGRET . a self - explanatory song , in all reality ; you are afraid to move , and your anxiety keeps you away from opportunity - before you even realize you’ve wasted your potential , you’re doomed . veronica is trapped in a vicious cycle that won’t allow her to spread her wings ; fear begets fear , and life moves on without her . important lyrics to note : memories so bright i gotta squint just to recall / regret the words i’ve bitten more than the ones i ever said / i’m afraid of heaven because i can’t stand the heights / i’m afraid of you because i can’t be left behind / oh well , there’s a red moon rising / the door slammed and it felt like a cannonball .

ALBUM FIVE - MASSEDUCTION .

SUGARBOY . a mashup of a love song and an ode to vicious bisexuality ; a heart that is sharp and easy to slice yourself open on , but a reciprocal appreciation of the danger that comes with falling for someone . ronnie’s sugarboy is jason ; but she also learns to acknowledge that she wouldn’t have minded finding a sugargirl , either . important lyrics to note : sugarboy , i am weak , got a crush on tragedy / oh here i go - a tragedy , hanging off from the balcony / making a scene , oh here i am , your pain machine / sugargirl , dissolve in me , got a crush from kicked - in teeth / pledge all your allegiance to me / i am a lot like you , i am alone like you .

* LOS AGELESS . again - a mashup of a love song , and a loss of all autonomy . what have you lost ; a lover , or your sense of self ? veronica’s lost both , and she doesn’t know what else to do but fall into the ease of her prison position , following the orders of someone who claims to know better than she does . important lyrics to note : burn the pages of unwritten memoires , but i can keep running / but how can i leave ? i just follow the hood of my car / how can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their mind , too ? / i guess that’s just me , honey - i guess that’s how i’m built / i try to tell you i love you , but it comes out all sick / i try to write you a love song , but it comes out a lament .

SLOW DISCO . finding yourself in the crowd of a party , but not liking who you see - a contrast between the life you should be living , and the life you’re actually living . veronica falls to one side more than the other , and by trying to find herself in other people , she’s doing herself a grave disservice that leaves her feeling almost as if she’s a ghost . important lyrics to note : am i thinking what everybody else is thinking ? i’m so glad i came but i can’t wait to leave / slip my hand from your hand , leave you dancing with a ghost / there’s blood in my ears and a fool in the mirror / the bay of mistakes can’t get any clearer / don’t it beat a slow dance to death ?

* SMOKING SECTION . self - destruction . self harm . the call of the void . suicidal urges . it’s a song about trying to overcome these feelings by giving them a name , and remembering that they’re thoughts you can work through . veronica’s felt them her entire life . important lyrics to note : sometimes i sit in the smoking section , hoping one rogue spark will land in my direction / and when you stomp me out i’ll scream and i’ll shout “ let it happen , let it happen , let it happen ” / sometimes i stand with a pistol in hand / sometimes i stand on the edge of my roof , and i think i’ll jump just to punish you / and then i think , what could be better than love ? / it’s not the end , it’s not the end , it’s not the end , it’s not the end .

BONUS LEVEL - LOVE THIS GIANT .

* ICE AGE . written as a prequel of sorts to cheerleader off her album strange mercy , clarke has said it’s a get it together song of sorts . veronica’s in her own ice age ; she’s frozen over to protect herself , but in doing so , she’s deprived herself of the experience of living . important lyrics to note : oh , diamond , it’s such a shame to see you this way , your own little ice age / seams are showing , and you’re freaking me out / we don’t know how much we’ve lost until the winter thaws / it’s close to your bones , it’s far from your shell / feel it away , reason it out .

#❝ - 𝙄𝙏 '𝙎 𝘼 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿 𝙆𝙄𝙉𝘿 𝙊𝙁 𝙎𝘼𝘿 . / meta.#ok i just really love st vincent????#GOD i hope this stays under the cut when i post it since im dash only.....#P R A Y F O R M E #if not i will simply copy it into a doc and post a link #there was a POWERFUL LINE in a song that i just. couldn't justify keeping- but FUCK #in huey newton; the line 'fake knife / real ketchup' strikes me as a HUGE ronnie vibe #but like. the rest of the song is too disconnected to attach to her iuhrtkjgnd #and with THAT.... i fucking DISAPPEAR.....#and i made myself.... Anxious lol

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beesmygod · 5 years

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this is what riverdale is about (part 4)

part 1

part 2

part 3

i’m back, to continue from where we left off. obnoxiously, i’m going to take a minute to plug my patreon, which is primarily for my webcomic but i also do movie reviews and talk about bad books i find so if you like these posts, you’ll probably like those as well. all i ask....is one dollar a month.

anyway fuck that let’s get back into this.

images are from the riverdale wiki

SEASON ONE (PART 2):

the last picture show: immediately this show reveals that our beloved jughead has been living in a nearly abandoned drive-in that he also works at. too bad for him, because it’s closing down. hilariously, literally nobody in his circle of friends cares and call his make-shift house a crack den. owned. its revealed an anonymous buyer purchased it from the town and the mayor decided to sell it to whoever.

archie brings flowers to his teacher-girlfriend’s recital and when he and grundy (and his dad) head to pop’s for a good ol malt or whatever, betty confronts him about his relationship. betty is hurt when he says grundy believed in him when no one else did and goes home with renewed purpose: take grundy down.

veronica’s mom is caught having a heated argument with a member of the southside serpents gang next to a dumpster by cheryl who, as she delights in misery and disaster, captures it all on camera. she shows veronica, who confronts her mother who brushes her off.

betty lures grundy into a fake interview for her school paper instead of going to the police. betty seems to be determining all of this based on the fact that she didnt have any social media until a year ago, which really makes me question betty’s journalistic bonefides. its framed like this means she didn’t exist before she got a twitter or whatever. its really weird. more relevant is that the only record of a geraldine grundy.....WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO DIED 7 YEARS AGO!!!!! she takes this information to archie as well, who doesn’t care at all. he’s way too horny to care.

betty breaks into grundy’s vw bug and finds a gun and her real i.d. with her real name. archie is still too horny to care, even though betty (again, really overstepping her journalistic bounds) says that grundy might have killed jason (BASED ON THE EXISTENCE OF A GUN BETTY!!! COME ON). archie finally asks grundy straight up what the fuck is going on and she cops to trying to escape from an abusive husband, hence the gun and fake names.

jughead finds out that archie’s dad’s construction company won the bid to destroy the drive-in. its a bad time to be jughead. he tries to ask archie’s dad not to tear down the drive-in. through this convo we learn that jughead’s dad was fired from andrews construction several years ago for theft. a scene after this reveals that veronica’s mom is facilitating the purchase of the drive-in with the mayor pn behalf of her incarcerated husband.

i’m so glad the wiki reminded me of this line, word for word: everyone (and i mean literally everyone in town) goes to the drive-in for one last hurrah, where the southside serpents are guffawing up a storm. veronica somehow silences them by saying “You know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? Shut the hell up or you’ll find out.“ it sucks so bad. veronica then witnesses her mother having an encounter with the same gang member who she is revealed to be paying to drive down the value of the drive-in property so hiram lodge can buy it for cheap.

archie and grundy are caught in a passionate embrace after betty’s mom reads her diary and goes on the warpath, rightfully telling her to get the fuck out of town or she’ll reveal her to be a child molester. grundy agrees to leave and archie is heartbroken. the last show of geraldine this season is her ogling two teen boys. horrible. leave, woman.

jughead leaves his shitty home and on his way out is accosted by the same gang member who was talking to hermoine lodge and is revealed to be....JUGHEADS DAD!!!!!!!!!! whatever.

heart of darkness: the town is abuzz with jason’s upcoming funeral and the teens of riverdale are fighting over who gets to take the dead kids spot as captain of the football team in a really normal and not at all super ghoulish way. archie is working his heart out now that his favorite teacher/pedophile has fled town. he has his time wasted by a member of the pussycats, valerie, who nets him a meeting with a music songwriter who tells archie he doesn’t have time for his shit. its a weird and totally pointless scene in the long run. it doesnt matter because archie’s music thing never comes to anything. the guy tells archie later, when he returns with sheet music, that his songs suck shit and he hates his music and to get out of his office.

jason and polly’s (betty’s sister) relationship seems to be at the center of whatever happened to jason, so betty starts asking around town about her sister, by using dates as a cover to ask probing questions to members of the football team. she also tries asking her father, who explains that polly and jason had a fight, polly tried to kill herself and so was shipped off to a mental institution. learning about jason’s death fucked her up again so they shan’t be exposing her to more sordid info about the events. the only information they get is that jason was selling drugs to raise money to leave town.

betty and jughead trace this thread to find out why jason would want to leave town but veronica is already finding out firsthand after she is invited to the blossom mansion for the world’s worst sleepover before the memorial (cool timing): the blossoms are all insane. they make their money on maple syrup, using the funds to build riverdale as we know it. veronica and cheryl bond over their awful parents and versonic encourages cheryl to act out at jason’s memorial FOR SOME REASON. KNOWING FULL WELL WHO CHERYL IS.

demonstrating extremely normal judgement, betty and jughead plan to raid jason’s room during the memorial to find clues. cheryl goes full hamlet, throwing herself on the coffin and weeping during her eulogy. they use this as cover to sneak away and go commit the worst social faux-pax you truly can do. however, they are interrupted by cherly’s senile grandmother, nana rose, who mistakes her for polly and reveals polly and jason were engaged.

betty takes this information to her father who reveals he already knows but forbid the arrangement because the blossoms and the coopers have been trying to kill each other for decades over the whole maple syrup empire thing. betty and jughead later suspect her dad broke into the sheriff's office to steal his files related to uhhh everything i guess; a hunch which turns out to be correct.

meanwhile veronica’s mom is sent a live snake by the serpent gang, calls big strong fred andrews to come save her and then asks him for a job.

faster pussycats! kill! kill!: first of all fuck, the name of this ep.

archie, for some reason because i guess he doesn’t know what embarrassment is, decides he’s going to play an original song he wrote for the school talent show. he immediately gets stage fright at the try-outs and wusses out. veronica goes behind his back to sign him up anyway. thanks, asshole!

valerie, from the last ep, quits the pussycats because josie is slightly more stressed than usual about uhhh the talent show. also because she has a crush on archie for some reason.

hermoine, while acting as fred andrews’ new secretary, realizes he’s fucking BROKE. why’d he hire her? who knows. too late now. she suggests firing some people (for example............her, maybe, fred) but fred cant bear it...and is hoping to be saved by the newest construction job he doesn’t know that hermoine is manipulating under the table. much like his son, fred is now too horny to care and they make out while veronica watches awkwardly.

the remaining pussycats try to figure out what to do about their missing member problem. josie’s mom helpfully lays out that they need a strong woman of color, but not one prettier or more talented than josie. enter...VERONICA!!! who is miffed because archie replaced her with valerie in the talent show duet. veronica is now scientifically less pretty and talented than josie by show standards, which just rules because i love thinking that there are teen power rankings in riverdale.

betty and jughead make their way to visit polly at The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy which is literally the best name for a goth cover band in the world. surprise! polly is pregnant with jason’s baby. polly reveals she and jason planned to run away together, but she was caught by her parents and sent away. she then awkwardly asks how jason is and someone has to break the news to her.

josie’s dad makes a brief appearance, which i absolutely do not remember at all. i thought he only showed up in season 3 which makes mayor mccoys character arc way more awkward. anyway, the mccoy family, the andrews and the lodges all have dinner together to discuss business and its awkward as all hell. no one at the table likes the andrews.

betty straight up asks her dad if he killed jason and her mom laughs her ass off at the idea of betty’s soft white suburban ham shank looking dad being able to kill a weed much less a human. keep that in mind.

veronica’s mom forges veronica signature on a form allowing andrews construction to move ahead with the job.

jughead and betty kiss after talking about how they arent their parents. keep that in mind. anyway, betty takes jughead to a car polly mentioned that full of EVIDENCE. they take picture of it and leave the car to go tell the sheriff because i guess suddenly no one has cellphones. jughead and betty return with the sheriff later to find the car has been light up by an unknown person. almost immediately after, bughead tries to rescue polly at the institution only to find she’s already bailed. welp.

josie and valerie make up and all four pussycats perform. josie’s dad walks out on her performance? harsh. cool dad moves.

archie sings and the crowd loves it. who gives a shit.

a kid died, guys. come on.

#riverdale

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #239

i just want to sincerely apologize if my surveys take a negative nosedive again. i know this one’s kinda grim and i don’t want to make that a routine, but things are just rough right now and i’m not gonna lie on a survey, y’know.

Do you know anyone who works at McDonald’s? Not that I'm aware of. Do you know anyone who plays heaps of sports? Probably through school. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Where do your cousins live? Aaaaaaall over the U.S. Have you met any of your second cousins? Possibly at some point? Do you like the All-American Rejects? I like "Move Along" and "It Ends Tonight" is good, but that's all off the top of my head. Oh wait, of course there's "Gives You Hell." When was the last time you wore a skirt? WOW I have ZERO clue. Probably not since elementary years. Have you ever finished a whole video game? Plenty. If so, which one(s)? There are way too many. Do you know anyone with a pet snake? Me, Sara, probably others. Which one of your friends has great music taste? Sara. Was the last person you hung out with single? That would be my young niece and nephew... so yeah. Have you ever attended a private school? I'm a private college now. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No, thank Christ. Have you ever cooked for anyone other than yourself? I made breakfast for Sara once. If your phone has a hole for phone charms, is it on the left or right side? I don't have one. Would you rather live in the city, the suburbs, or the rural area? Kinda like... suburban mixed with rural. I don't wanna be totally isolated, particularly away from necessary stores and such, but I also do NOT wanna be swarmed by people. Maybe like a loose neighborhood in the woods outside a small town? Do you know someone who is really ambidextrous? Sara. Did you use a pencil today? No. Are you adopted? Nope. Have you ever had your car break down on you? Never when I've driven, not that that's been much. With Mom, yes. Dad, idr. Jason's prom night, yeah; his truck broke down otw home at a stop light. Oof. Who was the last person that cried in your presence? My mom. It's the worst. When was the last time you ate at your favorite restaurant? Oh wow, probably not since my last birthday. What was the last thing someone gave you? A close family friend/my former teacher lent me a $20 just in case I needed anything while my mom was up in NY. Can you write your name in a foreign language? My first name (at least) is the same in German; even though "y" doesn't exist in the language, I guess it does for foreign names?? Idk about my last name. Who is the person you often go to for venting? Sara. Do you keep an actual journal or diary? No, not anymore. I did briefly when I had that WILD and totally random Jason obsession episode, but once I came off that godawful medicine and I went back to normal, I deleted it. Have you ever been prescribed Vicodin? That sounds very familiar... Maybe? Perhaps that's what was prescribed after my surgery? Have you ever cheated on someone without them finding out about it? Well considering I've never cheated and never would, I can't answer this. Was the last person you kissed male or female? Female. Who were you with the last time you went swimming? Colleen, at the beach. Does your dining table currently have place mats on it? No; we don't even eat at it. What was the last thing you cooked in an oven? I myself have literally never used an oven. I'm scared to. Oh wait, yeah I have... on some occasions where Mom needed me to put something in there or take something out, but idr what. But boy and I can tell you without memory that I was jumpy as hell about it. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? No. It's difficult for me to like-like people, especially men when you consider I'm generally afraid of them, on top of I'm just paranoid and don't trust easily. Do you prefer wheat or white bread? Wheat. Do you have an electric toothbrush? No, but coincidentally, I actually have that on my Christmas wishlist. Have you ever had an “exotic” or “abnormal” pet? Do you consider a Chinese water dragon "exotic?" Then I have a ball python morph. Have you ever eaten lobster? No, and considering crab is nauseating, I doubt lobster would be too different. What is your grade point average (if you’re still in school)? I don't know right now and don't know where to find it. Have you ever played croquet? Oh yeah. My sisters and I LOVED that shit as kids. Who was the last person you called? Dad. Have you ever watched Ghostbusters? No, believe it or not. When was the last time you drew a picture? Yikes... been a while. Not since I started a concept drawing of encompassing a panic attack in a meerkat form, as I tend to do. I haven't touched it in months. It's right on the second shelf of the table beside me, so... my only remaining excuse as to not finish it is that the paper is horribly wrinkled now. Are you happy? Not exactly. Should you be doing something now? I could be doing the practice exam work my math professor gave us all considering it's extra credit, but. Yeah. I'm absolutely awful at math and barely passing but I don't exactly need another stressor right now. Is there a smoke detector on every floor of your house? We only have one floor. What was the last kind of soup you ate? I tried vegetable soup anyway when I got my tongue pierced because I literally could not eat solids for over a week, but I'm a picky asshole who didn't like it so wasted the can. I had to survive almost exclusively on meal replacement shakes and popsicles. Warning from the wise: you want your tongue pierced? You better fucking want it bad because healing is a P R O C E S S. Or at least mine was, having to get it re-done and all... Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever went a year without getting your hair cut? I don't think a year... but maybe? Do you think you could go a week without sugar? Considering sugar is in like... EVERYTHING, probably no? Would you be willing to go one day each week without meat? I don't really pay attention, but I probably already do. I'd like to eat as little meat as possible. Hell, I wish I could go full-on vegan. Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? NO. Do you have any talents that your friends don’t know about? No. Are you any good at sewing? Never tried, not interested. Has anyone ever interviewed you about one of your hobbies/talents? No. Would you ever consider experimenting with drugs? Marijuana for medical purposes if I didn't have to smoke it. I'm not smoking anything, I don't care what it is. What’s been tugging on your heart lately? I guess life in general. Mortality, death. Teddy died in my arms, I saw my grandmother physically ravaged by cancer, and just life hasn't been the kindest lately. I've been thinking about how time just flies, how every moment should be cherished even though it's so fucking hard, and just yeah. I don't wanna go down this rabbit hole. Are you comfortable with who you are? Have you accepted who you are? I don't know dude I shouldn't be taking a survey during like an existential crisis lol. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Decided to get some really unhealthy fries with my dinner. Would you have sex with the last person you texted? It's not a matter of "would," I want to. I may have already, I don't really know what separates foreplay from lesbian sex. Do you consider weed, marijuana, pot, etc. a drug? This isn't even an argument anymore, it's fact. It's a mind-altering substance. "Drug" does not always equate to bad, either. Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? It'd be nice. Do you require a lot of private time? Oh yeah, but way less than I used to. I get depressed if I'm alone for too long now. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? N/A What is your favorite classic Disney movie? The Lion King. Do you like looking at old photographs? Yeah, usually. Do you enjoy puzzles? Yeah. Do you prefer painting or drawing? Drawing by a long shot. I'm taking a painting course this upcoming semester though, so hopefully that'll up my skill and thus enjoyment of it. Do you ever wear high heels? No, I don't have a reason to. Do you use belts? No, considering I never wear anything with belt loops. When was the last time you played Uno? Oh my fucking god, it's been forever, thankfully. When I lived with Colleen, as did her younger sister, we played Uno a lot, and then, AND THEN, came the night Chelsea dyed my hair red. Mind you, the ONLY TIME dyeing my hair had been truly successful and long-lasting. The process took hours, and we played Uno round after Uno round... and now I literally hate it. What do you like better, kiwis or pineapple? Oh man, I love both, but I gotta say kiwi. Are you trying to grow out your hair? No, I actually need to cute it again. What is your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? Don't have one, really. Have you ever wanted to try karate? Not seriously. How often do you drink water? Ah yikes... I really fell out of my regular habit of drinking multiple bottles daily. Do you ever wear headbands? No. How many video games do you own? A lot. There's like a huge CD case in a living room drawer full of them. I've been considering making an EBay or something to sell a shitload of them as I'm sure a lot are actually pretty valuable now, but I think a lot about how I want to pass them down to my current and possibly future nieces and nephews when they get to a certain age to figure video games out or even have a console that can play PS1-PS3. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. What’s your favorite suburb in the city you live in? Why would you... name that on the Internet...? Besides that even, I pay no attention to suburbs' names I happen to pass. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. I don't know if I could ever muster up the courage to even go in one. I'm the type that would just order online. What’s your favorite place to get pizza? I'm a basic Domino's bitch. How many times have you been to the beach? Multiple, but not a LOT. I have little reason to ever go, and it's never my idea, that's for sure. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. Childhood home. Trying the Jiffy Pop popcorn that you make over the stove. Next thing y'know the thing is seriously on fire and we had to use the fire extinguisher. Fuck you, Jiffy Pop, the harbinger of the next fucking idiots moving in setting the entire house on fire thanks to the stove too. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No, besides like bees 'n the like being near me. Have you ever had a spray tan? No. Do you own any sports bras? Where’d you get them from? No, but I'd like at least one. Wouldn't know what to use it for, it's not like I go jogging or anything, but. I think it'd be good to have at least one. Have you ever had sex in a kitchen? No. What’s the most expensive restaurant you’ve ever eaten at? I have zero clu- no wait I'm gonna guess the Italian restaurant we went to on Sara's birthday, but that's just a guess judging by how it was fancy as fuck. Who crosses your mind the most? Sara. Have you ever been on a scavenger hunt? Probably as a kid. Ever been to an auction? No. would you ever get acupuncture? omg no Ever got stitches? At least twice. What is a must have on your french fries? At least some salt. Entirely saltless fries are boring. How do you like your meat cooked…medium rare? well done? Nothing less than medium well. If meat tastes even a little bit beneath lukewarm I can't take that shit. Are there two colors that you just simply despise? Bright yellow and puke-green. What do you usually do with recurring dreams? ... Nothing? What CAN you do? Have you ever been told you were hot by a complete stranger? I don't think someone has used the term "hot," but I know I've been called pretty, at least. Do you want to be single or with someone? I want to be with Sara. It kinda feels like we still are, like no feelings have changed, we're just not "official" anymore and not "bound" to one another. Have you ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex? I actually have twice (or thrice?) platonically with my younger neighbor FOREVER ago. We were still kids. Then there was a big (birthday?) party at my place where Juan stayed the night, and then I believe there was an occasion Girt totally knocked out on the couch so... I guess it turned into a "sleepover?" lmao Who are you closest to in your family? My mom. Who were the last 3 people to text you? Sara, Mom, and my sister. Have you ever dated someone in jail? No, and I wouldn't unless it was for something incredibly stupid or I'm aware was a false charge. What’s a movie you cannot BARE to ever watch again? Nothing's coming off the top of my head. Who got you hooked on the addiction you're addicted to (If you have one)? ... I just connected it all in my head. Jason got me into the Amnesia game. I got into custom stories for it. I was playing one one day. I got stuck. I YouTubed it for help. Guess. Who. I. Fuckin'. Found. This is a revelation; I have discovered the main purpose of my and Jason's relationship. Perhaps things do happen for a reason lmao. Are you a little bit cautious around horses? Do they scare you a bit? Not really, but I wouldn't say I'm in no way cautious. They definitely don't scare me, though. I just respect that they're very powerful animals and I'm not experienced with handling them. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yes, on rice that was literally right off the fucking stove lmao. LOOK I didn't know it had JUST come off and I was hungry as fuck but boy did I have REGRETS considering the burn lasted for well over a week, maybe two. Do you think having a sleepover with a guy is theoretically acceptable? Um, yes...????? Do you like to have cake on your birthday? Which kind of cake in mind? Yeah, and red velvet or chocolate frosted, depending on what I'm feeling.

#survey #quiz #questions #bored #random

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twdeadfanfic · 5 years

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A not-so-quiet life Pt.10

Summary: You could say your life at the Greene’s farm after they took you in was a quiet one… as quiet as it could be considering corpses were walking around as flesh-eating monsters. At least, until a group of survivors in need take shelter in the farm.

Inspired by the request: The reader used to have an emotionally and physically abusive ex and the group runs into her ex and his group and shit hits the fan and the reader gets hurt.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Tags/Warnings: Violence and language typical twd style. Mentions of abuse and quite a lot of self-deprecating thoughts…and in the midst of all that, quite a lot of fluff too and also slow burn.

Chapter: 10/13

Masterlist

This are getting intense, people!

The next weeks were rough, no matter by now you were used to that kind of life. Whenever you found a place to hole up you could barely stay for a night if you were lucky before walkers forced you to leave and camp back into the woods or sleep crammed into your cars until you found another place, with all the dangers that sleeping on the open implied.

The herds of walkers seemed to be bigger and bigger each day, ripping through everything, blocking roads, forcing all you to be always on alter, always running from place to place. It was exhausting, it was depressing, and morale was going down.

As if that weren’t enough, supplies were running low. Most of the places that you found to scavenge were almost emptied or full of walkers, making you leave empty-handed.

Daryl never said anything, not wanting to worry anyone even more, but wereas before he had always been able to bring something from his hunting trips, lately the game seemed to be running low too and often he came back empty-handed and frustrated. You always tried to make him stop beating himself about it, hating to see him blaming himself. It wasn’t easy, but you tried anyway.

That day you had been forced to stop in the middle of nowhere, after hours driving nonstop, and made camp in the woods at the side of the road. No matter you had been able to set a perimeter of wire and rope around the camp, everyone was on edge, but you tried to stay strong as you went to keep watch, your shift being late at night.

You hadn’t been keeping watch for long before you felt Daryl’s poncho fall over your shoulders and then he was sitting down next to you. You smiled, wrapping the fabric around you and lifting one of the sides so Daryl could curl up under it too, your smile growing when he wrapped his arm around you, and you snuggled to him.

That’d been a thing between you two lately. Daryl would join you during your night shifts or you’d join him, and he’d hold you close. He only did it at night, though, when almost everyone else was sleeping, pulling away from you when the sky began to clear or the others woke up.

You thought some of them had noticed anyway, though thankfully none had commented but you had caught Carol smirking at you once or twice. Maggie, though, had tried to ask you if something was going on, but you had gotten so flustered and babbling that she hadn’t brought the matter up ever again.

Truth be told, you didn’t know what to think.

Your own feelings were a mess. You felt…you felt something, you couldn’t deny it, something that was beyond been content to have someone to snuggle with during cold nights, beyond looking for comfort in someone’s arms.

You did everything you could to ignore it, to not acknowledge it, but night after night your stomach did funny things and your heart beat faster every time Daryl smiled to you, every time he held you close, feeling content and safe in his warm embrace.

You felt guilty about it, though, you were a married woman, no matter your husband might be dead, you weren’t supposed to feel like that. But you couldn’t help it, and you found yourself eagerly waiting to join Daryl every night so he’d hold you close, seeking his company and the comfort of his arms.

You didn’t know what were Daryl’s thoughts or feelings, why he kept coming to curl up with you night after night but during the daytime you couldn’t get but some light touches from him sometimes, though he was always kind and caring, making sure each day that you were alright.

You didn’t dare to ask, though, afraid you’d drive him away. Whatever it was that you two had, you didn’t want it to stop. You were afraid of his answer too, afraid that for him it might not be the same than for you, afraid you were misreading the whole thing and all he wanted was to have someone to find comfort and warmth during the night.

Not that you had anything against it, you enjoyed it, but you couldn’t help but wish, hope that it might be something more, maybe…

And when he looked at you with soft eyes like now, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he…but no, you had to stop those thoughts and those feelings.

Daryl hadn’t ever hinted at wanting anything else besides whatever was that you two had, and from your side, you knew you shouldn’t be allowing yourself to feel like that. Your wedding band was still on your finger, you’d not realized it before, used as you were to wear it, but now it felt like a reminder.

Over everything, you didn’t want to scare Daryl away, you couldn’t lose him and lose what you two had, no matter you weren’t sure of what it was. It was what kept you going during those long, cold nights, when despair threatened to get a hold of you.

And so, when you felt his lips brush over your temple before he rested his head on top of yours, you did your best to stop your heart from beating fast, fast, to stomp on those silly feelings that grew inside you.

“You okay?” Daryl asked, feeling you stiff.

“Yeah,” you assured and you thought for something else to say, noticing how unconvincing you sounded. “Just worried about Rick’s plan.”

Rick had found some more maps during a run and he had located a residential area in the middle of nowhere, where he thought you might find supplies and which could hopefully be a more permanent place to hole up.

You weren’t that sure, though, afraid the place might be dilapidated by now or full of walkers. It was a long shot, but you also knew Rick needed it. As months passed and you were unable to find a sort of permanent home, you could see how he was scared at the idea of Lori having to deliver while on the road.

“We’ll manage,” Daryl said, his standard reply whenever you were feeling down, which oddly enough always helped you feel better.

“His plan better works…” You let out a sigh and his hold on you tightened.

“It’s a long drive tomorrow. Sleep, I’ll keep watch.”

“It’s my shift.” You said though by now you knew there was no point arguing about it.

“Don’t sleep if you don’t wanna, I’m gonna keep watch anyway, so…” Daryl replied, as you knew he’d.

“Stubborn.”

You murmured loud enough for him to hear you, unable to stop your smile. You felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled and you tried to kill the butterflies that his smirk sent to your stomach.

You weren’t having much luck at it…

It took a couplel days of driving and nights of camping in the middle of nowhere until you finally saw the residential area Rick had been talking about. You stopped the cars several meter away so you could take a look at it before approaching.

It’d probably been a beautiful suburban area around the 60s or 70s, but it seemed to have been abandoned for more than a decade which made it look a bit creepy now. Some houses had almost fallen down but others seemed to be still standing and probably you could stay in them for while, if they weren’t full of walkers. Any hope about finding very needed supplies in them was gone, though.

“I know, I know what it looks like people.” Rick began, trying to lift the spirits even though he himself seemed about to give up. “But we can stay in one of those houses, work on secure them, get some planks to close the windows…we’ll be safe there.” He had to believe it, you all had to believe it, there wasn’t much else you could do. “Tomorrow we’ll try to find close places to scavenge for supplies, but for now, let’s get ourselves a home.”

A home…that words sounded like heaven.

As you drove closer you noticed some barricades and roadblocks, a few walkers had been caught into some stakes coming out from them, though the monsters were still alive and moving.

Who had made this? Maybe the place hadn’t been as abandoned as you had thought.

You stopped the cars at the roadblock at the entry of the area and cautiously looked around, looking for people, though there was none on sight.

“Here,” Glenn said quietly, pointing at an opening in the barricade big enough for all of you to walk in, though not your cars.

Carefully, holding your guns in front of you, you all walked in. The place seemed emptied both of people and walkers, nothing moved, you couldn’t hear any noise…at least until a man’s voice pierced through the empty street.

“Drop your guns, now!”

A group of men walked out of some of the houses, surrounding you. They’d heard your cars as you approached but had stayed hidden until you were inside, an easier prey. You all stood back to back but soon you noticed you were outnumbered and outgunned.

“We don’t want any trouble!” Rick shouted back, lifting his hands on the air although he hadn’t let go of his revolver. “We were looking for a place we could settle down, we-”

“Well, this one’s taken, asshole!” Another man cut Rick off, pointing his shotgun at him.

“I’m sure there’s plenty of houses for everyone, we can help each other.” Rick didn’t back down, you needed that place, needed a somewhat sturdy house to hole in, somewhere safe enough for Lori and her baby.

You were feeling like running away and leaving those man alone, though, and your face wasn’t the only scared one as you found yourself surrounded by shotguns aiming to you all. You were aiming a rifle back at them and you looked from Rick to Daryl, unsure of what to do, but he was focused on the men too, crossbow trained on them.

“I said, drop your guns!”

“Alright, alright…” Rick tried to de-escalate the situation, lowering his hands back down, seeming reluctant.

Before anyone could do or say anything else, you heard a voice that you thought you recognised but hadn’t heard in so long…

“Y/N? It’s that you?”

You almost didn’t recognised the man that stepped in front of the others, who had now a bear and a scar from his eyebrow down to his neck. But it was him, Dan, alive and standing there. You began to feel light-headed, like in a dream, like if you were about to pass out.

“Yes, it’s you!” He walked closer. “What’re you doing pointing that thing at me?! Are you dumb?! All you, lower your weapons, now!”

Somehow, your arm lowered the rifle though you didn’t even notice it, staring at Dan, unable to say anything. He had his shotgun pointed at you, though you barely registered it, but when your people began lowering their guns, he did too, though the men kept pointing theirs at all of you.

“What you doing standing there? Come on, come here!”

Dan snapped at you again but when you tried to go to him, still like in a dream, Maggie grabbed your arm.

“No.”

“Well, isn’t it Maggie Greene!” Your husband looked at her with a smile that you didn’t find that friendly anymore. “And little Beth too, aren’t you all grown up now! Oh, and Hershel…how could have I guessed that I was going to meet with so many known faces!”

“Dan…” Hershel greeted and even in your state you could notice he sounded worried.

“I’m Rick Grimes, I lead these people, as I said we were just looking for a safe place to stay.” Rick began again, no matter he seemed a bit confused about who Dan was and how he knew you.

“And I’m Dan, Y/N’s husband, and as you were told, this place’s ours.” He waved around to the other men before turning his attention back to you. “Y/N, come with me, now.”

“She doesn’t want to, asshole.” It was Daryl’s voice this time.

“She’s my wife, asshole.” Dan retorted, scarily calm, without even look at him. “So she oughts to be with me, don’t you, darling?”

You could only nod, still dumbfounded, and began walking to him.

“No, Y/N, you don’t have to,” Carol told you but you didn’t even hear her.

“Why are you all so dramatic?” Dan sounded almost amused though as you stopped next to him you began shaking, but you tried to stop it before he noticed it. “Y/N’s my long lost wife! We have met again, against all odds, it’s time to celebrate, right sweetheart?!” You nodded again and he placed his hand at the back of your neck, squeezing it slightly.

“Come on Y/N, what’s wrong with your friends? Tell them you’re happy you found me again…or just stare at me, right.” He added, annoyed when you couldn’t find words. “Or are they right? Aren’t you happy? You don’t want to come with me?” His hold on your neck tightened and you forced yourself to speak.

“Of course I’m happy! It’s a miracle! I-I thought I’d lost you!” You said with trembling voice, not managing to sound happy at all but snapping back into yourself. “It’s something to celebrate, yes…” You squeezed your brain, trying to think for a way to get your group out of this, a way to help them. “So let’s celebrate! These people they…they’re my friends, they took care of me, they helped me get here, to you. They need a place to stay, somewhere safe…and she’s pregnant…” You pointed at Lori, half hidden behind Rick.

Dan looked around at the other men, seeming to consider something, before looking back to your group. When you looked around too, you noticed a couple of the men were Dan’s coworkers, though you didn’t recognise the others.

“Alright, anything for you, darling.” He said. “I owe this people for having kept you safe and returned you back to me. Honestly dear, I thought someone like you was a goner by now.”

You tried not to take offense at his words and just nodded, glad he was allowing the others to stay.

“You can take the third house around the corner there, all the walls and the roof are still standing.” He pointed to the direction. “But it’s not free.”

“What do you want?” Rick asked, cautiously.

“What you got? Food? Supplies?”

“We’ve barely enough to last a couple days, we need to find more food soon,” Rick answered, trying not to sound angry but not really managing.

“What was that you said…we can help each other right?” Dan taunted. “So we do, you share your food we share our houses…or you can leave.”

It didn’t sound like they were going to let them leave without paying anyway, though.

“Alright…deal,” Rick said through gritted teeth.

“Wonderful! As I said, let’s celebrate Y/N and I found each other again,” Dan was all smiles again. “What if you take your food, go to your new house, and make a nice dinner and then we all can talk.”

“Sure.” Rick nodded, the knuckles of the hand that held his revolver turning white.

“It’s settled, then.” Finally, the men lowered their guns. “We’ll see each other again for dinner time…don’t try anything weird, got it?”

Rick nodded again, holstering his gun.

“Thank you all so much! Y/N, can you stay to help me with the dinner?” Carol chimed in. “We always cook together, you know?” She smiled at your husband and you were surprised at how genuine her smile looked.

“Really? Gotta thank you if you taught her to cook.” Dan chuckled. “But no, I’m sorry, she’s coming with me, have you all forgotten we just found each other after the world went to hell or what?”

Carol’s smile was gone but she didn’t say anything else. Maggie looked like she was about to snap and say something, but Hershel placed a cautionary hand on her arm.

“You ain’t making her go with you!”

Daryl seemed about to take his crossbow again but Rick stopped him. You couldn’t look at him and you dropped your gaze to the ground, ashamed, trying not to cry.

“Y/N, my dear, why are your friends still talking like I’m abducting you or something like that?” Dan sounded amused but you could hear the threat under his tone. “Why wouldn’t you come with me? Or aren’t you happy? You rather stay with them than with your husband? Just say it.” The hand at the back of your neck squeezed tight again.

“No, of course not, I’m so happy I found you.” You forced yourself to repeat. “They’re just protective, we’ve been together for months, taking care of each other…I wouldn’t be here if they weren’t, darling.” You almost choked on the word. “But he’s my husband, we belong together…” You blinked quick, trying not to cry. “This is fine, I-I’m going to be fine.”

You looked at your friends, trying to silently tell them to not say anything else, to let it go, for everyone’s sake.

“As I thought.” Dan smiled at you. “Come on, let’s go, we need to catch up, sweetheart.”

He began to walk away, the hand on your neck guiding you with him.

“Y/N.” Daryl again.

You swallowed hard and kept walking, not turning to look at him or your friends.

Dan’s smile and sweet words were gone as soon as you got into what you assumed to be his house. He’d began yelling at you, asking why you had left your town without him and where had you been all this time.

You tried to explain how you had gone to look for him at his job but he wasn’t there, how you were able to leave the town thanks to Maggie, it didn’t seem to be enough for him.

He had kept yelling, even angrier when you began crying, asking you why your friends looked at him like that, what you had told them about him, why you didn’t seem as happy as you should about being reunited with him again.

Nothing you said was enough for him, no matter how much you tried to assure him you were happy. But you weren’t, and that just made you feel more guilty and ashamed…here you were, back with your husband when so many wives were mourning their own, and you couldn’t be happy…but you couldn’t lie to yourself, not anymore.

“Are you deaf?!” Dan was yelling at you again, grabbing your arms hard enough to left bruises and shaking you.

You had been so scared, your heart beating so fast, that you had gone light headed and felt like passing out, so your brain seemed to have stopped listening for a moment, but you whimpered when he shook you hard.

“I asked you if you love me!”

You gasped when he slapped you hard with the back of his hand, coming back to your senses as you felt a burning pain in your lip and tasted blood.

“Answer the question, it’s simple!”

“Of course I do.” You choked out.

“Yeah? You might want to tell yourself that.” Dan scoffed. “But you’re gonna learn to.”

He backed away but you kept looking at him in shock and fear.

“Now go clean up and get presentable for the dinner.” He waved at your blood stained clothes, you hadn’t quite been able to wash the walker's blood off that shirt. “You look like a beggar and smell like a dead monster.”

You nodded, trying not to whimper aloud.

“And next time you tell me you love me, better sound genuine…cos you do, right?”

You nodded and he smiled, reaching to cup your face, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb, and you tried not to shudder.

You couldn’t sound genuine in a million gears. You didn’t love him, that seemed so clear now. And right now, you were terrified of him.

But if that was what it took to keep your people safe, then you would. Honestly, you wouldn’t blame Rick and the others if they took their stuff and drove away from there at the first chance, leaving you there.

If it kept your family safe, then you’d endure this, you owed them.

Well...so...this happened. But at least we got tons of fluff before, right? Honestly, I’m quite nervous about this one, I hope I did it right. Sooner or later we had to reach this point, it was the actual request! I’m afraid I dragged it a but too much maybe, this fic moved slow and maybe I bored some people, but I wanted a strong relationship between the reader and the group, and a deep bond between her and Daryl before reaching this point.

What you guys think? Please, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts! What do you think it’s going to happen now?! Are you “happy” how this is going? Did you enjoy the fluff at the beginnign or does it feels forced? So many questions!

As always, English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistaques.

If you want to be tagged (or removed from the tags) let me know!

@momc95 @jodiereedus22 @osweetdevilo @sapphire1727 @coffeebooksandfandom @the-destielr @checkintoreality @daddys-little-princess67 @sesshomaru-lover @crossbowking @coltcas @feartheendlesssummer @izumi37 @gruffle1 @cutiepiemimi13 @drina365 @kuolematkorjaavat @daeshaunex2 @twdeadlysins @stressed-lasagna @teenyforestfairy @yenne-yen-illustrations @mychemicalimagines @nikkipea @crazycatladyalustriel @miniprz @wolfkg @paybackbarnes @haleypearce @nikki082489 @dotslabyrinth @mtngirlforever @superflannel @blckbuttler @deanervs @linktheloveabledork @sourwolf-sterek32 @wamp–wamp @iminlokisarmysofi @traveleraroundsworld @deliciousassafrasssandwich @angelontheinside @friendly-black-cat @firehoopinmama @d0ntfitin @ivars-snowflake

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azrielsiphons · 5 years

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Moe’s ACOTAR December One-Shots #1 - Nessian in the Snow

Every other day in December I’m going to be posting a Christmas/winter themed one-shot for either Elriel, Feysand, or Nessian. They’ll be tagged under “moes winter writing” so make sure to check all of them out.

Almost all of these prompts are directly from or variations of this post.

Please like and reblog!

Moe’s Christmas One-Shot Number One:

Nessian - “I know we hate each other but it’s Christmas Eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”

Nesta was in her happy place.

Once when she and Feyre were having one of their legendary screaming matches in their high school years, Feyre had screamed at Nesta that she “enjoyed making herself miserable because it was easier than being jealous of everyone else’s happiness.” Nesta had thought that that sentence was genuinely the stupidest thing and made zero sense and Feyre had tackled her when she said as much. The sisters still fought, but age had made them less inclined to say such cutting words or resort to pummeling each other.

But part of what Feyre had said had always lingered in Nesta’s brain. Did she enjoy making herself miserable? Was that easier than trying to attain happiness when it could all be ripped away in a second when someone decided to leave like they always did?

Maybe she did. And maybe that was okay. But for now at least, in this bright beautiful moment of solitude, she was in her happy place.

The snow fell gently outside, the moon illuminating the quiet suburban street with a glow that was … magical. Nesta was no sentimentalist, but there was no other word for it. The night was positively magical — between the moon and the stars and the snow, she could almost taste it.

Snow was Nesta’s favorite. Feyre wasn’t particularly fond of the cold and Elain always complained about her flowers not blooming in the wintertime, but Nesta thrived during this season. She never took the insults about having “such a cold heart” too seriously considering it was the cold made her feel positively alive.

And to top it all off, it was Christmas Eve. The gift-giving part of Christmas had never particularly been Nesta’s favorite — there was too much pressure on gift exchanges as an adult — but the decorations and the music and the lights and smells and foods … positively magical.

Nesta had no delusions about her personality, she knew she wasn’t an easy person that didn’t take as much joy out of life as others did. But standing out in her front yard, fifteen minutes till midnight on Christmas Eve, not a soul in sight as the snow fell gently around her in silence …

Nesta was in her happy place, and nothing — nothing — could ruin that for her.

“Shit — fuck — dammit all to hell!”

Nesta deflated, the soft corners of her lips dropping into a scowl immediately. Her chin went from being tilted up to the night sky to almost touching her collarbone.

Turns out there was someone who could ruin her happy place after all.

Nesta’s blood began to boil as the magic around her shattered, replaced with irritation that ran through her like a lightning bolt. She wouldn’t have been surprised if the snow around her had turned to steam — that’s how mad she was.

“That asshole is supposed to be gone,” Nesta seethed, turning on her heel and stomping around the side of her house to the back where her incredibly annoying brute of a neighbor was disturbing her happy place and ruining her snow moment dammit.

“I told Az to replace the spare key — did he replace the spare key? No, he didn’t, and who is surprised? Nobody! That’s the fuck who!”

Nesta could feel the blood rushing to her face and ears, her teeth grinding as she saw him standing on his porch, fiddling with his front door.

Cassian. Even his name annoyed her. His shoulder length hair and heavy black pea coat were covered in snow, and his broad shoulders were turned just enough that she could see his hands shaking sans gloves as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and uselessly pressed the power button over and over again.

He roared out a few more choice curse words before turning on his heel and hurling the dead phone.

It landed right in front of Nesta’s feet, flinging snow up on the front of her snowman pajama pants.

“Oh,” Cassian said, his shoulders relaxing and his eyes widening at the sight of Nesta standing at the edge of his front yard. If she hadn’t been so spitting mad at him in that moment, she might have appreciated the bewildered expression on his annoyingly perfect face. “Nesta.”

“Oh, Cassian,” she mocked. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a flight to the other side of the country and not disturbing my peaceful snowy Christmas Eve?!”

And just like that, his fire that always matched hers so well came roaring to the surface, wiping away that look of bewilderment and … adoration? No it couldn’t be … right off of his face.

“Well excuse me, princess!” he shouted right back, bounding down the steps to the snow covered grass and sauntering towards her. “I didn’t realize my cancelled flight was going to be such an imposition on you!”

Nesta could feel the blood pounding in her head as he got closer, that lovely sound of fresh snow crunching beneath his feet tainted by his sarcasm. Oh and damn him for looking so nice, his hazel eyes especially bright as the snow gleamed between them.

“Oh your flight was cancelled?” she spat, “That’s too bad, I would feel sorry for you if you weren’t such a big oaf cursing in the middle of the night while the snow is falling magically!”

She knew she looked ridiculous standing there in her red snowman pajamas with a matching beanie and a heavy green robe. She knew she was fighting a battle nobody would win — nobody ever won in their screaming matches, except maybe her migraines.

But he infuriated her beyond reason. They had been living next to each other for a little over a year and ever since he and his stupid brother-friend-fellow-idiot Rhys (who happened to be dating her little sister, which made her hate him even more) had shot the side of her house with paintball guns like freaking twelve year olds, she had never been around the brute and not felt inclined to strangle him.

And now? On this night? On the best night of the whole damned year? Unacceptable. It could not stand.

“You know what Nesta—” he started, pointing a finger in her direction, but she wasn’t having it.

Nesta strode forward smoothly, smacking his finger out of the way as if it were an insect bothering her.

“No you listen to me, Cassian,” she hissed, enjoying the way his eyes widened as she leaned in close enough to feel his warm breath on her face, tilting her head back because of his height, “you are entitled to a bad day, to a cancelled flight, to a locked door, and even to a dead phone battery. You can have that. Okay? You can have that. But what you cannot have is my snow! You are not allowed to interrupt my snow time, you are not allowed to take away my one happy time of the year, okay? Okay?!”

In the back of her mind, Nesta noted that she had probably woken up more than one of the neighbors with her shouting, and there were at least two dogs barking in the distance.

But in the front of her mind, all she could focus on was Cassian looking down at her (damn his tall self) with a look of utter confusion.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I just …”

“Just what, Cassian?”

“I just thought that … are you really only ever happy this time of year?”

Nesta deflated. She could barely think straight enough to blink as his voice washed over her. She was so used to him shouting at her the way she shouted at him that sometimes she forgot how nice his regular speaking voice was. And when had they gotten so close?

“I mean I know we fight but I thought … well damn, sweetheart. I thought you enjoyed our little spats like I did. Do.”

Nesta felt her cheeks heating despite the chill temperature. Of course she didn’t enjoy their arguments, who the hell enjoyed arguments, that’s just …

But she did. She did enjoy the bickering and the shouting because with him it was all surface and never actually cutting. He never really tore her down like so many others had, he never commented on her coldness, he never brought up her insecurities … they bickered about stupid things like the importance of paintball (or lack thereof), and the Red Sox versus the Yankees, and how often he should cut his grass in the summertime.

And damn it if those weren’t some of the best parts of her day. Damn it if being around him didn’t have that same glow to it that the snowfall did.

And damn it if she hadn’t been blind to it this whole time.

Cassian, taking Nesta’s stunned silence as something other than it was, huffed in resignation and leaned down to pick up the phone he had thrown moments before. He hissed, stretching out his surely numb fingers.

Nesta finally came back to her senses.

“Wait when did you even get back?” she asked, feeling strange at using her normal tone of voice with him. “I didn’t hear your car. Or that death trap you ride.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “That death trap is called a motorcycle, and you are always welcome to take a ride with me. But my damn car ran out of gas about a mile down the road. All the stations were closed and I didn’t think I would be coming back here today, but—”

“You walked a mile in the snow?” Nesta asked incredulously. “Without gloves?”

“I didn’t think I would need them!” Cassian shot back, though it held no bite. “I expected to be in the nice, contained heat of my car but damn it all if my flight was cancelled, then I ran out of gas, my phone died, and fucking Azriel never replaced the spare key under the mat last month.”

Nesta huffed, lifting her eyes to the snow falling around her once again. Cassian continued to mutter on and on about stupid Azriel and a broken gas gauge, but she wasn’t paying attention.

Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it, she thought to herself. He’s a brute and Elain and Feyre are gone and it’s your Christmas Eve and you don’t owe him anything. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.

“Stop talking,” Nesta snapped, pressing her gloved palm to her forehead. Cassian, to his credit, shut up. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she muttered under her breath, reaching over and grabbing one of Cassian’s freezing cold hands before turning on her heel back towards her own house, pulling him along with her.

“Uh, what are you doing there sweetheart?” Cassian asked, trying and failing to mask the way his voice cracked .

Nesta could feel her eye twitching. “Look I know we hate each other, but it’s Christmas Eve and your flight was cancelled and even though you’re … you, I can’t just let you freeze to death out here.”

She could feel Cassian’s grin behind her, but Nesta just trudged on through the snow, dragging Cassian behind her up the two steps to her front door and inside her home.

Cassian practically moaned when he stepped inside the toasty warmth of her home, and Nesta promptly ignored the tingling that the noise set off low in her stomach.

“Shoes and coat off,” she snapped, pointing at the bench and coat hanger next to the door. Cassian promptly obeyed, giving her a salute that she pursed her lips at so he wouldn’t see her smile.

“You know sweetheart—”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“—I’m starting to think you like me more than you let on.”

“Think what you want, I don’t care.” Nesta knew her words fell flat when she took in the way his black button down shirt tightened over his chest and shoulders as he pulled off his coat.

Why couldn’t her annoying neighbor look like a troll instead of a Greek god? Why must life treat her this way?

“Go warm your hands up by the fire, I don’t want to take you to the hospital for frostbite.”

Cassian chuckled, the sound a low rumble in his chest as he obeyed. He hissed as the blood rushed back to his fingertips with the heat.

Nesta bit her lip, watching the muscles in his back ripple as he knelt down in front of the fireplace. He had been in her house before, the brute tended to follow Rhys like a puppy whenever the former came around to see Feyre, but he had never been in the house alone with her before. And never late at night … when the snow was falling outside … on Christmas Eve …

Stop that, Nesta warned herself. This isn’t a damn Hallmark movie, pull yourself together.

But … he had a point earlier that she couldn’t shake. Sure, the snow was her happy place. But … inexplicably, bickering with him had the same feel as snowfall. The same magic.

“Hey Cassian,” she called out tentatively, her voice softer than it had ever been in any of their interactions.

Cassian whirled around so quickly he almost lost his balance. His eyes were wide as saucers.

“You know sweetheart, I think that’s one of the first times you’ve called me by name so nicely,” he said with a small smirk, recovering from his shock quickly. “I liked the way it sounded.”

Nesta narrowed her eyes, but she knew there was a softness there that she rarely let others see. Oddly enough, she wasn’t scared to show that softness to him.

Maybe it was the snow, maybe it was because it was Christmas time … whatever it was, she didn’t care. She could give into the magic of it all this one time. Maybe try a bit of that joy that everyone else found so easily.

But she would find it her own, very Nesta-ish way.

“Listen here you brute, I’ll make you hot chocolate, but you’re not getting marshmallows.”

Cassian’s surprised smile, lit up by the glow of the fire, was infinitely more magical than the snow.

Thank you for reading! Please like and reblog and happy December!

#moes winter writing #nessian #acotar #feysand #elriel #my writing

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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AU where in the first season of each of their respective shows, Scott McCall and Tyler Lockwood run into each other after they both skip town and go off on their own because literally every other werewolf they know is an asshole. And like, granted, Tyler’s an asshole too at that point, but in a ‘he’ll grow out of it’ kinda way, and I mean...enter Scott McCall. Hashtag Growth happens immediately for both. Tyler’s like “No dude, you gotta be more selfish. Look out for number one, you know?”

Scott squints. “I’m number one?” He says slowly, in classic ‘I’m the hot girl?’ tone and cadence, as though the idea has never occurred to him before.

“You’re totally number one, champ,” Tyler says affirmatively, because like...he has eyes, and also has known Scott for longer than five minutes now and thus its pretty obvious that this is in fact true. Also, Tyler is at this point still the kind of asshole who says things like “champ”, and like....not even in an ironic way.

Then the next day Tyler’s an asshole to someone who doesn’t deserve it and Scott looks at him sadly.

“I don’t know how to tell you this dude, but like, you gotta care about other people,” he says. Tyler frowns. Contemplates this.

“Okay,” he says and shrugs, and its pretty much that simple because I mean, he legit literally just needed someone to tell him that. Have you met his parents? They’re AWFUL. I mean they were. Haha, they died. I mean oh no. Much sadness.

They form their own pack and its awesome and eventually that gay werewolf dude from The Originals, Aiden, joins up with them - but only because he brings his vampire boyfriend Josh along with him. I don’t really care about Aiden, but Josh was cool, ergo, I guess Aiden can stay. What is it with white werewolf dudes named Aiden anyway? There are other names, guys. Branch out. Live a little.

They then go to Canada for awhile and run into the werewolves from Bitten.

“Yeah, this seems like a whole mess,” Tyler says, gesturing vaguely in a way meant to encompass every fucked up thing that is wrong with the werewolves in the world of Bitten.

“I just remembered I left the stove on. Sorry, we gotta go,” Scott says, backing away slowly. Their pack turns and leaves *vague hand gestures* All That behind.

They then go to New York and meet the Shadowhunters and Downworlders. Shenanigans ensue, and in the process, they wind up in like, Valentine’s dungeons where they stumble across and rescue Luke Garroway.

“Wait, aren’t you that werewolf cop?” Josh asks, confused. Luke frowns.

“What? Why the hell would I be a cop? Oh, you must mean that doppelganger Valentine hired to be me to keep any of my old Shadowhunters allies or Clary’s mom to look for me. Wait, he’s a cop? Man, FUCK that guy.”

“Fuck doppelgangers, dude,” Tyler agrees, nodding sagely. Scott cocks an eyebrow at him in query.

“They just really suck,” Tyler says, with feeling. Scott nods. Well okay then. Fuck doppelgangers.

Luke joins their pack and the novelty of knowing an adult werewolf who doesn’t completely suck isn’t wearing off any time soon. Who knew that was a thing? They begin to have hope that being a werewolf isn’t synonymous with turning into a douchebag on your twenty-first birthday. Especially Tyler. He like literally JUST un-douchefied himself.

They then go wherever the fuck that show The Gates was set. There’s a whole pack there, and they don’t seem completely awful, but then there’s this one werewolf kid named Brett. Scott goes still.

“Do you have a twin brother?” He asks Brett. Brett scowls.

“What the fuck kind of a question is that? No.”

“Oh, sorry,” Scott says. “It’s just you look a lot like this guy I knew back home, Jackson.”

“Well I’m not him and I don’t have a twin brother,” Brett says with unnecessary aggression that is doing nothing to assuage comparisons to Jackson. Like, chill. It was just a question.

“Oh no! He must be a doppelganger! Sorry, we have to go, we left the water running in the sink,” Tyler yells, standing up and sweeping Scott off his feet and over one shoulder while hollering over the other as he runs off into the night. The rest of their pack look at each other in confusion, shrug, and run after them. Because like, that probably means something, they figure. The Gates pack stares after them with varying expressions of wtf.

“Fucking weirdos,” Brett scoffs then. He goes back to being just The Worst Ever.

Then they wind up in Seattle, where they meet the roommates from Being Human. The American version obviously, I mean, not to be US centric but they’re not going to fucking London just to run into more werewolves, An American Werewolf in London honestly just wasn’t good enough to justify the endless jokes about American werewolves going to London, like, get over it already, let it go.

Werewolf Josh is decent enough. They consider inviting him to join their pack. Then his vampire roommate Aidan gets home, and he’s like, a whole serial killer and a half. So.

“Oh no, I left an unwrapped burrito from 7-11 in the microwave, its gonna go bad!” Vampire Josh shouts in horror, throwing Scott over one shoulder, Tyler over the other, sweeping his boyfriend up in his arms bridal style and then backing into Luke until the older man sighs, hates everything, makes plans to buy a gas-economical SUV because being a werewolf suburban soccer mom is still less undignified than being given piggy back rides by their token vampire when he runs out of arms and shoulders. Then Josh sprints all the way outside the Seattle city limits before stopping and dropping his passengers off as the rest of their pack gathers around them.

“What was wrong with this one?” Asks Tommy Dawkins, the werewolf from Big Wolf on Campus. He and Scott make up the pack’s “Wholesome Jocks In Recovery Post Asshole BFF-endectomy” club. Luke told all the teens that home-schooling was fine, but they still needed extracurriculars. This was not what he had in mind, but well. Baby steps.

“Terrible judge of character,” Scott explains. “Has philosophical debates with his vampire roommate about said vampire roommate’s triple digit body count.”

“Ahh.”

“Am I the only vampire who isn’t just ‘oh look at me, I can go homicidal at the drop of a hat and kill scores of people and then click my heels together and go whoops, all better now, man, THAT was a bad decade for me, huh?’ Am I? AM I?” Josh wails, hiccuping between sobs. Like all vampires, he is very pretty 90% of the time, but he’s a super ugly crier. It’s wonderfully humanizing. Gross, and like, dude gets snot everywhere, but there is an Official Pack Rule. Nobody tell Josh about the ugly crying. Plus, its just a cheap shot, you know? Its not his fault 99% of other vampires use their Pretty for evil.

“Josh,” Tyler says solemnly, putting his arms on both the vampire’s shoulders and looking him gravely in the eye. “I hate to have to tell you this, but I think that like. Yeah. You might just be...The One.”

“Wait no, I heard about this one vampire who’s supposed to not be awful? Down in LA I think,” says Mark, from Lost Girl. He’s not actually a werewolf, he’s a shapeshifter who turns into a black panther. They ran into his dad first, a werewolf named Dyson, but they all sensed he was Horrible within the first five seconds. Except before Luke could say he forgot to feed his goldfish, they gotta go, they bumped into Dyson’s non-awful bisexual panther teenage son and well like. They had to save him from the Horrible then. Like, technically they kidnapped him? Whatever, all their role models were terrible people.

Josh looks up, hopeful. He rubs at his face with his forearm but doesn’t really clean up the snot so much as get it everywhere. Several werewolves wince and look away politely. Mark is scrolling through something on his phone, seemingly oblivious.

“Did you seriously just leave that on a cliffhanger?” Luke scolds. Mark looks up belatedly.

“What? Oh, no. Its just supposedly he only has a soul sometimes, and when he has a soul he’s supposed to be like, a pretty decent guy, but when he doesn’t have a soul, he’s like....a maniacal ax murderer on murder-steroids. Its this whole thing apparently. I follow this demon on twitter who owns a bar down there. He posts weekly updates on whether or not the guy has his soul this week....calls it Soulwatch. I guess the last couple times the dude didn’t have his soul he almost ended the world or something? So anyway, lotta people like updates on that, since I guess he and that vampire are good buds or whatever.”

“He doesn’t have a soul sometimes?” Tyler scowls skeptically. “That sounds fake.”

“Do you have a soul?” A nameless werewolf extra from True Blood asks Josh.

Josh hiccups and gropes around at his chest, frowning.

“I think so? Nobody ever told me I might not, I don’t know. Like I mean, I feel like I have a soul, I’m pretty sure?”

“He clutches his stomach and goes ‘ow my heart’ when that Sarah McLachlan commercial with the sad puppies comes on TV,” his boyfriend says helpfully.

“That’s not where the heart is....” someone starts to say, but they’re quickly shushed. Scott, Tommy and Luke are all clutching their stomachs and nodding in understanding. Tyler rubs his temples.

“Josh, you have a soul. You literally burst into song every time you see a baby smile, and last month you guilt-tripped us all into volunteering with you at that pediatric hospital which means we heard nothing but you singing showtunes and Christmas carols for an entire week straight. In July. Mark, does your demon twitter follower say this vampire has his soul this week or not? Are we going to LA next? And someone please hit me for having to utter that sentence in the first place, it’ll make me feel better, please just do it.”

Sophia Donner, the only decent werewolf from the almost entirely werewolf-populated town of Wolf Lake, helpfully kicks him in the shin.

“What?” Mark looks up again, baffled. “Dude, he doesn’t follow ME on twitter, are you kidding? He has like, six hundred thousand twitter followers.”

“Really? Why so many?” Tommy asks.

“He has this thing where he can like, see your future or your aura or some shit like that when you sing. So karaoke night at his bar is always packed with lots of A-List celebs obsessed with the occult. Its like, impossible to get into cuz of that unless you know someone, but it means everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood follows him on twitter and is always trying to hit him up and get on the list, and so like, of course all their followers follow him too even if they don’t know why everyone follows him, they just figure obviously he must be someone important?”

“Ahh.”

“People,” Tyler barks. “Focus.”

He looks around for Scott, wondering why the hell he’s the only one trying to get a handle on this. He eventually finds Scott at the edge of their little gathering. Fucker’s holding up his cell phone and recording everything. He shoots Tyler a thumbs up and mouths “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” at him. Tyler would be pissed, but like, he was the one who made it his mission to get Scott to occasionally be more of a selfish asshole specifically so....nah. Fuck it. He was gonna be pissed anyway.

“Ummm,” Mark hedges some more, still scrolling through his phone. He frowns then, and shoots Josh an apologetic glance. “Sorry. Looks like he’s soulless again this week.”

Scott decides to intervene then, looking suddenly concerned. “Uh...does that mean he might maybe almost destroy the world again? Should we go to LA anyway and like...I dunno. Try and help?”

“Help who?” Tyler demands, throwing up his arms in exasperation at the whole day. This is what he gets for getting out of bed, like. Ever. Nothing good comes from getting out of bed. When will he learn?

“I don’t know. Don’t get testy with me,” Scott bites out testily. “The people. Who try and...stop him from destroying the world? Obviously world’s not destroyed so somebody must have stopped him the last couple times which means someone’s probably trying to stop him this time too.”

“Or he could just be really bad at it,” Tommy suggests.

“Nope, we’re good,” Mark interrupts, still on his phone. “It says they’ve got him magically locked up in some hotel so he can’t go anywhere while they wait for their witch friend to bring his soul back and put it in him. I guess after the last time they put like, a low-jack spell on it so if it went missing again it’d just go straight to her, since she’s the only one good at putting it back anyway.”

“Well then,” Tyler says after a moment or two to digest the concept of a low-jacked soul. “That was a super efficient tangent. Are we all good here now at least? Can we move on and like....go somewhere not within range of a serial killer vampire who’s probably miffed at us for being rude and committing some hospitality faux pas?”

Josh sniffs and rubs at his face again, this time with more success. “Yeah, sorry. I’m all good now.”

“Well I’m not,” Aiden yells out then, apparently taking the all-clear on his boyfriend’s issue as a go ahead to vent his own drama. “Am I the only Aiden who isn’t just a complete asshole??”

“I mean, you’re kinda an asshole sometimes too,” Sophia says, idly chewing a nail.

“Not helpful, Soph,” Scott scolds gently. She shrugs.

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

“Let’s start a pack, you said,” Tyler growls, glaring daggers at his co-alpha. Scott smirks back without remorse. “It’ll be good for us, you said. There’s probably lots of other teen wolves in the same boat as us, you said. Shouldn’t we help them, you said.”

“I did say all that,” Scott agrees. He saunters off, you know, like an asshole.

Two weeks later they’re not far from LA. The vampire has his soul this week and everyone wants to go celeb-watching at the demon dude’s karaoke night. Luke knows a guy who can get them in, apparently. They stop to help a hitchhiking teenage werewolf in trouble because like, Scott has a sixth sense for that shit.

“So what’s your name?” Tyler asks the kid.

“Derek Hale,” he says, and Tyler squints. Why does that name sound familiar. Next to him, Scott hisses like an angry cat. Oh. Right. That.

“You’re not Derek Hale,” Scott accuses, and the kid bristles right back at him. Tyler watches, bemused. Was this a Beacon Hills thing? Or did all of them look like that when having like....what was this, a territorial pissing match? Angsty backstory showdown? What was even happening here, exactly?

“I think I would know, dickface.”

“Look, I’ve met Derek Hale, and he’s like, twenty five, and an asshole,” Scott says. “You can’t be Derek Hale, because you’re like, fifteen, and adorable.”

“Fuck you, I’m seventeen, and fuck you more, I’m not adorable, I will fucking rip your throat out with my teeth, dickface.”

“See? I’m supposed to be quaking in my shoes right now but all I wanna do is pat you on the head and hug you and feed you, because that was adorable,” Scott says, pointing at him. “Ergo, you can’t be Derek Hale, because all I ever wanted to do to that dude was kick him in the nuts for being an asshole who’s all like breaking into my house to tell me we’re brothers now or whatever the fuck that was all about, and then breaking my arm and trashing my phone two seconds later.”

The kid goes quiet. Squints at him. “Wait. Is your name Scott McCall?”

Scott frowns deeper and folds his arms across his chest, shifting awkwardly. He has trouble maintaining his like, Righteous Ire even when he’s definitely in the right, and adorable kid being adorable and no longer even aggressive was making his temper go bye-bye. Ugh, rude. Scotty Rage was hot, and all too rare. Tyler officially hated this kid. Why does he never get to have nice things?

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

The kid fidgets, sullen. “Heard about you. I told you, I am Derek Hale. I just got like, magically de-aged by my pedo ex-girlfriend who’s now even more pedo and creepier and like...whatever, I don’t even know what the fuck that was all about but like yeah. Apparently older me was a huge douchebag and your name came up as proof of his douchebaggery and I booked it awhile ago because like, nobody could figure out how to turn me back and I figured if I gotta be seventeen again at least I’m gonna be seventeen somewhere where people don’t all think I’m a douchebag because of what older not!me Derek the Dickhead did. You know?”

“Not even a little bit,” Tyler says.

“Kinda,” Scott says. He gnaws his lip. “That sucks. Well. You hungry? We were about to go get some dinner. Wanna come with?”

Derek the Littler Dick stares at him before shooting Tyler an incredulous glance. “Is he for real?”

“Unfortunately,” Tyler deadpans. Scott frowns defensively.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dude, you just hated me like ten whole seconds ago.”

“I didn’t know who you were ten seconds ago,” Scott shrugs, as though that explains everything. Problem is, in his head it probably did. Freak, Tyler thinks affectionately.

“Yeah but now you do know who I am and now you know I’m someone you hate? So....?”

“No, you used to be someone I hate,” Scott explains slowly, as if to a small child. “You said it yourself, you’re not really him. Besides, I decided I’m over it anyway.”

“You decided you’re....over it. Anyway.” LDD repeats, breaking it down slowly. As if to a small child. Oh, this is going to be amazing, isn’t it. The other half of Tyler’s future home entertainment gifts him with another incredulous look, like, are you sure this guy is for real? Tyler nods in confirmation.

“He’s just...like that. It’s so weird.”

“Fine,” Derek huffs at last, over aggressively because why stray from a theme, yeah? “But this better not be some fucked up elaborate revenge plan for older me being a dick or like...”

“You’ll rip my throat out with your teeth,” Scott says dryly. The kid sulks.

“Well of course it sounds lame when you say it like that.”

“You still have baby fat,” Scott tells him. Derek shifts into an enraged were-porcupine.

“I so the fuck do not!”

“You have like, chubby little baby werewolf chipmunk cheeks.”

“Asshole!”

“I know you are but what am I?”

“That’s so stupid! You’re so stupid! What are you, twelve?”

“No, that’s you. Look in a mirror, short stuff.”

“Oh god,” Tyler despairs, staring after the two of them walking off towards the rest of the pack. “They’re brothers now.”

#kalen writes crack fic sometimes #look i dont know what this is #i just know it was in my brain #so now its here

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hollenius · 5 years

Note

I'm so so sorry but I have to: Werner for the character meme (and/or Chuck McGill, if you can't think of anything!)

What the hell, I'm gonna do Werner AND Chuck

Werner

Fav thingabout him: He is so sweet; if I had a German uncle or grandpa or something, I'dwant him to be mine. He obviously takes his work very seriously too. He(initially) seems like a very cautious, careful sort of guy...unfortunatelythis attitude does not extend to all aspects of his life.

Least favthing: He's too sweet, dammit. His naivete and trusting nature made megenuinely angry, because I couldn't believe anyone could be so stupid aboutanything when he seemed fairly smart about everything else. I don't think youhave to be "street-smart" to understand that breaking out of an enclosedcompound without permission isn't the sort of thing you'd be allowed to getaway with. I was annoyed at how he felt like a plot device at the endthere--that he just existed to force Mike to have to kill him. It's a fault ofthe writing more than the character. Everyone could see the end coming from amile away, which is (as far as I can remember) unprecedented in the series.Even things that were heavily telegraphed and seemed obvious usually carriedsome sort of unforeseen twist, i.e. everyone thinking the lantern was going tobe involved in Chuck's death, but not knowing it was going to be a suicide. Thesecond they showed Mike building up a relationship with Werner, everyone knewexactly where it was headed. Also, this is a weird pet peeve, but I hate how healways called Mike "Michael". Bro, you've been working with him formonths, you are the only one who calls him that.

Fav line:(agh, unfortunately I can't recall any because I don't have any way ofrewatching season 4 at the moment. I love that he was courteous enough totranslate into English that he felt like he was going to throw up in the bumpyvan ride.)

brOTP: Him& Mike as cute old man drinking buddies.

OTP: Werner& his unseen wife, I guess. (That phone call before his death was so sad. I hope nothing happens to her, but this is the Breaking Bad Cinematic Universe, so bad things often happen to innocent people.)

nOTP: idk,Werner/Kai? I haven't really seen him shipped with anybody so I can't say Ihave any strong opinions on the matter.

randomheadcanon: (again, I need to rewatch all of season 4, because I remember thestory arcs, but not enough of the little details in dialogue and stuff.)

unpopularopinion: I have to admit, I don't know enough of what the popular opinions onWerner are to know what an unpopular opinion would be. I liked him, I just wishhis character arc felt less contrived and that he was treated like less of adevice. I also have seen some people in some places comparing him to Walt,which doesn't really make sense to me, because personality-wise they're justtoo far removed from each other. (Then again, people were even comparing dopeyPryce to Walter White, which was also a stretch!)

song Iassociate w/ him: I...I have no idea! Sorry. (So long, farewell, aufwiedersehen, goodbye?)

fav picture: the cute little drawings @callmcgills did of him! (Also, ugh, the shot where he is, uh, shot...is beautiful. Depressing, but cinematically beautiful. I’m not posting that here though.)

Chuck

Fav thingabout him: Honestly, as a fellow cowardly, anxiety-ridden, socially maladroit, perfectionistolder child, aspects of him are extremely relatable, frightening as that may beto admit. (My younger brother is of the slacker/moocher variety, rather thanthe con man variety, though.) I don't agree with everything he does, but I understandwhy he does it. (This is actually pretty similar to my attitude towardsSkyler's actions in Breaking Bad--I don't necessarily agree with her decisions,but I mostly understand why she acts the way she does.)

Least favthing: I think he should've been willing to at least put Jimmy on some sort ofprobationary path to HHM after he landed Sandpiper. HHM was under no obligationto hire Jimmy after he passed the bar (a lot of fandom seems to feel otherwise,which makes no sense! I don't think any other firm would've wanted to hireJimmy either!) Jimmy probably would've still managed to screw something up, butat least then if Chuck wanted to officially bar him from working for HHM forgood, Jimmy would know why, and what it was that he had done to cause that. Itdoes no good to punish someone if he doesn't even understand he's beingpunished, which is what the whole issue is in the first place with Chuck goingbehind Jimmy's back and using Howard as the perpetual bearer of bad news.

Fav line:"Because if there's one thing kids love, it's local printjournalism."

brOTP: lmao Chuck is bros with nobody except his space blanket, and his ol'sipping-scotch-and-chortling companion Howard, before that relationship gotdestroyed...

OTP: ...althoughI must also confess a SHAMEFUL desire to ship Chuck/Howard, because it's gotsuch a messed up power dynamic, because they've known each other for at least18 years, because Howard's clearly still so much in awe of Chuck (which Chuckprobably enjoys), and because neither of them seems to have any other friendsor close relationships. (Are we ever going to learn what's up with Howard'swedding ring? Even my mom thinks Howard is gay at this point! And what's upwith papa Hamlin? Did he die? Retire?) Canon-wise, I'm actually really curiousabout Chuck & Rebecca's relationship, because I have to wonder what it washe did that caused her to divorce him, but not bear any particular grudge oranimus towards him afterwards. He was clearly really upset about the divorce,but doesn't bear any ill-will towards her either. She doesn't appear to enteredinto any new relationship after the divorce either. It's all very mysterious.

nOTP: I can'ttell if this person was serious or not, but I swear I remember seeing someonepropose some theory that Kim had fucked Chuck at some point, and that's gonnaget a BIG NO from me.

randomheadcanon: oh god I've got like five hundred of them at this point. Themassive infodump that was Chuck's obituary in the season 4 premiere contributedto a lot of them, I think. I imagine Chuck's freshman year of college, at age14, was absolute hell for him. He was so proud to get accepted to an Ivy Leagueschool, but had been upset it wasn't a more prestigious one, like Harvard,Yale, or Princeton. (He had applied to them and had a few interviews, but unbeknownstto him, he had been heavily penalized in their byzantine admissions proceduresbecause, despite his sterling academic record, they didn’t find him outgoing or athleticenough.) His parents put him on the train to Philadelphia by himself, with afew suitcases, a map, and $50. He had no problems getting to the university,but was pretty overwhelmed right off the bat by the fact that everyone else wasolder and wealthier than him; he had dealt with this to some extent in high school, butnot to this degree (I headcanon his fictional alma mater, Francis Xavier HighSchool, as a typical Jesuit all-boys preparatory school that draws heavily fromupper-middle-class suburban families). Here he was, a literal child, thrustinto the adult world, and the world of the elites, at that. He probably feltself-conscious about things he hadn't even realized he could feelself-conscious about before, and spent at least a couple nights sobbing intohis pillow, and praying that his roommate couldn't hear him. He made a coupledesperate attempts to fit in, with a relatively low level of success (e.g. goingto a party and trying to impress people there by playing piano, only to get abeer spilled on him instead), before deciding it wasn't worth it and he wouldthrow himself singlemindedly into his classes and extracurriculars. He had hisfirst-ever panic attack sometime during his first semester, and wound up at thecampus doctor's office because he had convinced himself he was having a heart attack.On being told he was physically fine, he was indignant, but all the same, henever told his family about the incident, or anyone else either. Somewherearound this time, he also gets a letter from his parents, telling him he'sgoing to be a big brother in a few months, and won't this be exciting for him?(He wants to tell them his life is too exciting for him as it is, but saysnothing, instead writing back that he is sure having a younger sibling to helplook after will be the greatest experience of his life. He almost convinceshimself that he means it.)

unpopularopinion: I DON'T HATE CHUCK. (The most unpopular opinion of all!) He's myfavorite character on the show, with the obvious disclaimer that saying acharacter is my favorite doesn't mean I approve of all the character's actions,etc. Also, I know he's just a fictional character, but I'm still pissed offabout people celebrating that he killed himself & saying they hope it waspainful & stuff like that. Like, how much of an asshole do you have to be?What a horrible thing to say.

song Iassociate w/ him: Burning Down The House j/k, probably Faure's Sicilienne,because I too, cannot play it on piano without screwing up

fav picture: Not a picture, but I can’t resist.

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askthiscpblog · 6 years

Note

I kinda ship Toby and Imani... can I request them meeting? You don't have to if you want of course!

One, two, three, pause. One, two, three, pause. The sound of her heels clicking against the concrete sounded through the air as she walked to a house at the end of the street. It was rather large, a reflection of the wealth of the person who owned it. She was once again, dressed to make any man or woman faint at the sight of her. A tight dark blue dress clung to her figure, stopping above her knees and a smirk was on her face. For once, it wasn’t hidden under her mask. Despite this being a suburban neighborhood, the woman had many weapons, armed to the teeth- literally. With a razor blade hidden under her tongue, anyone who decided to step to her would regret it. Did she need all the weapons strapped to her body? No. The throwing knife hidden in her cleavage would be enough for her to finish the job. Along with her physical strength. She approached the pristine white door, intending to knock on it. She was hoping to be greeted with the man she was intending to fuck and then kill brutally and without mercy. Instead, she was greeted with a weird feeling tingling in her stomach and her fist stopped two centimeters from the wood. She knew this feeling well, she had to have it on growing up where she did. She reached to her hip, where her purse had settled itself and retrieved her mask. Strapping it to her face, preparing for any situation, she readied herself. Then, she twisted the brass door handle, and to her surprise, it opened as she took one hesitant step into the doorway.

The fucker she is going to see has gotten on Slender’s last nerve over the last month or two. He kept trying to move in on his territory, and repeated warnings were being sent to him about doing such a thing. He didn’t listen when two of his thugs showed up dead. He didn’t listen when his right-hand man’s hand was hanging above his door frame. He didn’t listen when one of this drug houses went up ablaze when the cops showed up. Now, he was going to listen. If he wanted to or not was a different story. Toby already staked out the house hours before this kill. He had a wife, kids, and both of them had no idea what he did as a side job. They will find out after all the dirty laundry would be aired. It was a dark night, moonlight through the shaded trees as Toby pulled sneaked his way into the large house. The wife and kid were out doing something while he stayed home tending to his failing business. Coming up behind him was easy, and the hatchet to the back of the skull was the most amusing sound Toby heard all night. A simple thwack than a thump of his head hitting the table. Not satisfied with the kill, he mutilated the corpse. One arm going flying one way, a foot another, his head the centerpiece of the display on his desk. The room smelled of the men emptied bowls with a metallic twist to it.

“Teaches you r-right to fucking mess with u-us.” Toby mumbled, skinning one of guys legs.

Imani didn’t bother to hide the clicking of her heels as she entered the house if there was an intruder, they weren’t the one to fear. Her ears picked up on a noise coming from her targets office, and she turned in that direction, her long legs carrying her there. One, two, three, pause. No more, no less. She saw that the door was ajar and she approached it, grimacing at the smell that came out. With her line of work, it was normal but it coming up before she had expected it to? That was unpleasant. As she grew closer to the door she took a deep breath and then paused, nudging it open and her eye widened in surprise, delight, and shock at the scene before her.

Toby could hear the heels clicking in the house as someone came in. He stood up with a jerk and moved behind the door, hatchets in his hands. His breathing was shallow until they came to the door, then he held his breath. He didn’t want to fight, he wanted to come in, get the job done, and get out. So avoiding this conflict would be the best.

The woman entered the room, noting the blood and gore splattered about and stepped in all the way. Her heels were instantly bloodied and she grunted in disdain. She walked over to the table, stepping over limbs and puddles of blood and picked up the severed head by its short hair. She clicked her tongue at it, faking a pout behind her mask.

“Now, now, who cut your head off before I could Robert? I thought we had a date.” She twirled a lock of the decapitated man’s hair around her finger, letting out a dark chuckle and not bothering to turn around.

“Now, I suppose you’re the one responsible for killing my dear Robert, here? I must say, nice work. Although I was looking forward to riding him and then watching the light fade from his eyes as I slit his throat, I suppose this is almost as satisfying.” She set the head down and hit it with the back of her hand and watched it roll off the desk and hit the floor with a dull thump. She still didn’t turn around as she spoke once more.

“Who are you?”

Toby lets out the breath that he was holding and gives a long sigh of annoyance. This was not going as planned, and he hated it. It angered him. With a roll of his eyes, he took a few steps out from behind the door, his weapons still down at his sides. His body was tense as he circled round to have his back to the open door to the rest of the house.

“I might be,” he responded short. He wasn’t much of a talker. "Just a p-person who had a little bit of business with the guy. And what of you? What business did-d you have with him to have the need to black widow him?“

She shrugged, finally turning around to face him.

"It woulda paid well. Lots of people seemed to have wanted him dead so I might as well have a little fun before I kill him.” She assessed the situation in front of her. She was in a room with the dismembered body of her would-be victim and she wasn’t the one who had dismembered him. The man who dismembered him was standing opposite to her, and there was a severed human hand touching her favorite heel. Not only that but her high was running out and she’s disappointed with the way this day was going. She crossed her arms over her chest, her eye narrowing.

“Am I going to be allowed to leave without a fight or what? I’m not trying to rip this dress.”

“I don’t see why n-not, but things can never be that e-easy now can they?” he says, moving to stand between the window and the door. It was to make sure he could lunge at her if she made a break for it.

“The fact you saw me in here and everything plants evidence a-against me. Which is never good.” He put the hatchet down onto one belt loop but kept the other in his hand. The woman in front of him was still much smaller than himself, but he kept his eyes locked on her. He had the backup and a lot of extra things if need be, but he rather not pick the fight unless he has to.

She let out a quiet snort to herself at his last statement. She wanted to get out of here. Being this close to a male that was trapping her was making her antsy. She felt that little grip on her sanity loosens a bit, and as if by magic her high slammed into her again. Her pupil dilated irregularly with the changes in her body and her heart thundered as adrenaline flowed through her. She wasn’t planning on fighting him no matter how fun it seemed. But if he didn’t let her out she would chop him up as she did with her professor, and with his own fucking hatchets. She drummed her nails against the desk behind her rhythmically and she forced a bored look in her eye. Her accent slipped out thicker this time as she spoke, a product of her paranoia.

“If I tell anyone about this little encounter, it’ll bring more attention to this,” she gestured around them with her hands to illustrate what she was talking about. And the fire in her eyes blazed brighter and brighter with each word she spoke, and her accent grew as strong as her mothers.

“And that means fewer business offers I get. I think its best for both of us to just keep our mouths shut about this whole thing. You don’t tell anyone you saw me here, and I say I decided not to take dear Robert out after all and we both get out of this shithole and go our separate ways.”

Toby grinned under the mask and crossed his arms, the hatchet resting under it as it is crossed. He leaned back against the wall where he was standing between the door and the window. He listened to her talk, getting thicker and thicker as she spoke. It was actually kind of interesting to listen to something like that happen. She covered her accent well. Then she spoke about business offers. Was she an assassin of sorts?

Slender might like to know about her, might find her useful. Toby thought, a shrug showing he agreed with himself.

“Fair enough, b-but I do think that you said business offers. I think I know a person who might be interested in offering you m-more business.”

She raised an eyebrow under her mask before she narrowed her eye at him, trying to figure out what game he was playing. She wasn’t sure, but she did know that it was logically going to be the most interesting thing that happened to her today at least. Plus, more business couldn’t be a bad thing, right? Well, once again, using logic she knew that infinite things could go wrong, but she was too bored and high for that. She decided to cut right to the chase, she had a no-bullshit policy, especially when it came to how and when she was going to make money and feed the insatiable hunger for blood and sex inside of her. Usually, it involved multitasking and mashing all three together. She really didn’t give a fuck who this mystery person was or who they want to be killed. There’s one thing that she needed to know before she would consider working with this person.

“How well does this person pay?”

Toby shrugged in response to her question, not sure how to answer it. Slender didn’t pay him, because of the fact that he lived for free with the guy. And two other assholes but that was beside the point. He watched her body, trying to read her movements.

“I mean, he lets me live w-with him for free and other things. Probably pretty fucking well t-to someone who won’t be doing that. Other than t-that you have to take that up with him.” Toby responded, still leaning against the wall.She considered his words, twirling one of her coils around her finger as she thought. She sure as hell wasn’t going to live with this person, she already had a home and if she left it she knew how much backlash she would get from her friends. She noted how the man opposite of her seemed to be assessing her, but she didn’t take any offense to it because she was watching him too. She hadn’t lived this long without learning how to predict what someone was going to do based on their body language. He didn’t seem like he was going to do anything, and so she let herself lean against the desk, there wasn’t too much blood on that particular spot. She eyed him once more and then decided that he was fine to remove her mask around and did so, putting it back in the purse that was slung around her shoulder. She knew that it was psychological, but she felt like she could see better despite her other eye being gone for quite a while and she spoke to him this time without a barrier muffling her voice.

“How do I find this man?”

Toby watched her lean into the desk, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The situation was tense, but everything else ever so careful started to defuse as time passed. Which is a good thing? He didn’t like being tense. It made all the disorders flair up which made it hard to keep calm and talk without stuttering too much. It took most of his willpower to do anything like that right now.

“He is in the woods. If you go through an arch-chway that looks like a door, you can find where he l-lives. If you d-describe me then he will listen. S-shall I let him know that you want to meet up?” he asked. Toby felt as if he was bad at talking to others. He didn’t like it, not one bit. But he saw another potential ally in this woman. At least, one that Slender might like. And getting brownie points with his boss is always a good thing.

Imani looked up at him, the hair that was blocking the scarred side of her face from his view falling out of the way and she started giggling, covering her mouth. She hunched over, starting to giggle more.

“An archway in the woods!? Fuckin’ wack! Gods, that sounds like a spot where drug deals go down. But yeah, tell him I want to meet. I’m always up for more business partners.” She knew that he could see her whole face now and it made her a little uneasy, but she shook it off and gestured towards the door. “If I go to leave, you promise you won’t slice my head off with those hatchets of yours? I got places to be and people to fuck.”

Toby watched her laugh, anger swelling inside of him. Oh if she only knew the trouble she could be getting into. The things that lurk in the shadows. The supernatural is out there, watching and waiting.

“Yes, it does but it is t-true. I’ll let him k-know.” He moves aside, away from the door but still facing her. He continued, “If you don’t talk about this until you come visit-t, then we have no issues.” Toby even put his other hatchet on his belt loop to prove his point. He didn’t want to meet up with her again, but this was a deal. And deals always ended in Slender’s favor.

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