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amhrosina · 1 year

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Your Pretty Heart (Billy Russo x f!Reader)

A/N: Anyone else widely obsessed with Pedro Pascal and The Last of Us right now? Being back in my Pedro era feels like getting home after a long ass trip. Should I write for some of Pedro's characters?? SOS! Also, I hit 800 followers today??? Like what??? Thank you to everyone who supports me and this account!!

Request: ex’s to lovers with Billy Russo or Matt Murdock. Where Frank and Karen “help” Billy/Matt get their ass together to get back with Reader. Because come on their clearly still in lovee.

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: When you and Billy break up, Karen takes it upon herself to get you back together. Her plan comes to a head one night at Josie’s, and you and Billy must face the consequences of loving and leaving one another.

(Warnings: so much angst, cursing, Billy is a soft!boy at heart, soft!Billy, descriptions of smut (but like romantic descriptions, not graphic ones??), I think that’s it, it’s literally just really sad until the end lol)

“You look great.” Your date smiled, but he wasn’t looking at your face. Instead, for the third time in less than a minute, his eyes trailed the sloping curve of your cleavage as it disappeared into your dress. You shrugged his gaze off, hoping there was at least something interesting about him to keep you entertained for the evening. Something could be there. Deep, deep, down, but there, nonetheless.

“So, Brad, what do you do for work? When Karen set this up, she didn’t tell me much about you.”

“I’m an accountant.”

Brad nodded his head along with yours, an awkward bob as you waited for him to return the question. He didn’t, instead choosing to fix his gaze on the jazz singer across the restaurant. Zero for two, Brad.

“Do you, uh, have any hobbies?” You tried again to break the conversation dam, but Brad’s attention was so far away from the table you were sharing that he barely glanced at you when he responded.

“I jog sometimes.”

“Oh!” You lurched forward, desperate to grab onto anything that might make this date less awkward. “I like to jog, too. I’ll listen to books when I do it to pass the time. Do you read at all?”

Brad’s eyes flicked to yours, then back to the jazz singer. Uninterested, bored, and inconvenienced. That’s what his glance told you.

“People who need books or music when they run aren’t capable of self-reflection. It’s how you grow as a human being, you know? You should try it.”

You blinked. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? A pompous, arrogant, prick seemed like the winning description, and you chuckled as you looped your purse handle over your shoulder.

“Well, Brad.” You stood from your seat, drawing his attention away from the band. “Congratulations. You win. I think this is quite possibly the worst date I’ve ever been on, and that’s saying a lot.”

You didn’t deem him with an explanation as you exited the restaurant, but a vivid memory flashed in your mind of Billy standing you up on your anniversary last year. Yeah, that date was terrible, but at least Billy hadn’t insulted you after standing you up. He’d spent weeks apologizing with flowers, jewelry, and even cutting down on his time at Anvil so he could spend more time with you, but that date would always stick out in your mind as the beginning of the end.

You shook the thoughts from your head, digging through your purse to find your cellphone. Karen was going to explain where the fuck she met this guy, and why she thought setting him up with you would be a good idea. She picked up on the second ring.

“Karen.” You tapped your foot on the sidewalk. “What the fuck?”

“Hey! How was the date?”

Wherever Karen was, it was loud. You could barely understand her through the speaker, muffled by music and what sounded like a crowd of people in the background.

“The date was so bad.” You almost whined. Almost stomped your foot at how unfair the dating world had become. Almost thought about how much easier it was when you were with Billy. “Where did you even meet this guy?”

“At work. Was he an asshole?” She sounded apologetic, but the volume at which she had to scream her question into the phone made the entire interaction feel a little less impactful.

“Grade-A Asshole.” You groaned. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Josie’s, but-”

“Great. I’m on my way.”

You hung up the phone before she could respond and hailed a taxi. You felt a little guilty for barging in on her evening. Karen was a good friend, one that you’d clung to since you and Billy had gone your separate ways, and she deserved a night out without your moping. But the nagging feeling rolling around in the pit of your stomach told you exactly the reason you had to go to Josie’s. If you didn’t go hang out with Karen, you’d end up calling Billy, and the last thing you wanted to do was let him see you after a shitty date. You climbed into the taxi and hoped you could drink away the memories of tonight with Karen once you arrived at Josie’s.

Billy took a hefty sip of his beer as he eavesdropped on Karen’s phone conversation. Technically, it wasn’t eavesdropping if Karen had whacked him on the arm the second her phone started ringing, but it made Billy uncomfortable anyways. What they’d planned felt too much like a trick, and he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation.

“She’s on her way.” Karen grinned, raising her beer in the air to clink bottles with him.

Billy fiddled with the bottle in his hand, unsure if there was anything to be ‘cheersing’ to.

“C’mon, Bill,” Frank grunted, meeting Karen’s still outstretched arm, “It worked. She’s on her way. Now, all you have to do is be a lesser asshole than her date.”

“Don’t you think she’ll be furious when she finds out her entire evening was construed by her ex-boyfriend and best friends? She doesn’t even want to see me.”

“Trust me, Billy,” Karen angled her head for emphasis, “She does. She just won’t admit it.”

“How do you know, though?”

“I see it on her face, and hear it in her voice, and she’s still sleeping on my couch. And you know what that tells me?”

Billy rolled his eyes. “What does that tell you, Karen?”

Karen’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “That she’s not looking for another apartment. That she still has hope that she’ll be able to go home, to your apartment.”

Billy shook his head. “The market is insane. Maybe she just can’t find an affordable one.”

“I saw three listed in the paper this morning. She’s not looking, Billy. She misses you.”

Billy groaned, dragging his hands over his face. This entire situation was completely and totally fucked, and it was completely and totally his fault. He’d always been warned that his ambition would get the best of him. You’d slipped through his fingers so quickly that he got whiplash when he thought about the end of the relationship. It was like you were there one day and gone the next, and he had no idea how he ended up alone, stranded in his kitchen in the middle of the night because the idea of going to bed without you hurt too much.

“What if it’s too late? What if I can’t fix it?”

“All you can do is try, Bill.” Frank shrugged.

“She loves you.” Karen spoke firmly, tapping her finger on the table, “And you love her. But she needs to know that. You have to show her that you love her.”

“How? I thought I was doing that before.” Billy let out a disgruntled breath and cleared his throat.

“Your priorities need to change. She deserves better than last-minute cancellations and rescheduled dates. You’re your own boss, Billy. You make the rules, and no matter how much money you spend on her, or how many gifts you buy her, she’s always going to remember the times that you didn’t show up.”

Billy nodded. Karen was right, as usual. There’d been a significant change in the amount of time Billy was spending at Anvil, sometimes returning home early in the morning, only to change suits and leave again. It wasn’t your fault – it never was – but Billy couldn’t help himself from falling back into his old patterns. When shit got too real, he retreated, and it ended up costing him the most important thing in his life.

Tonight was his chance to fix everything – to bring you home, to remind you that he adored you, to show you that his life was falling apart without you in it. All he had to do was get you to listen, and he was sure everything else would fall into place.

You took three steps into the bar before swiveling around and marching out in a dramatic fashion. Cursing Karen for conveniently forgetting to mention that Billy was with her, you tried not to stomp down the sidewalk that led to Karen’s apartment. If you had an apartment of your own, you’d surely be stomping your way there instead.

You didn’t make it far before you heard your name being called behind you. Two distinct voices trailed you, but you were more focused on the lack of the third. Had he stayed behind at the bar? You swung around, almost slamming into Frank’s chest. Karen was a few steps behind him, and behind her, stood beautiful and broken Billy, hands in his pants pockets.

“What?” You screeched, eyes flickering between the group.

“I just wanted to tell you thaaaat,” Karen’s eyes twinkled, and you should’ve known that she was about to make your night go from bad to worse, “I’m going back to my apartment with my boyfriend, who is going to do very loud things to me for hours. If I were you, I’d steer clear of the whole block tonight.”

You rolled your eyes and looked at Frank, whose innocent expression gave away Karen’s plan faster than you could piece it together. Clearly, this coup had been planned, and they were leaving you with no option but to spend time with Billy.

“Is that so?” You narrowed your eyes at her, hoping she could read every nasty thought you’d ever had about her in your gaze.

“Yep!” She hooked an arm through Frank’s and tugged him down the sidewalk. “See you tomorrow!”

You watched them until they turned a corner, and you could no longer see them. When you turned to face Billy again, he had inched closer to you, standing a heady meter away with his hands still in his pockets.

“Did you plan this?”

The anger in your voice echoed across the concrete, slamming into Billy. He grasped his chest as if you’d shot him in the heart.

“No. I didn’t even know there was a plan until I showed up at Josie’s earlier.”

You hesitated to believe him, but something in the way he was looking at you told you to trust him. You looked him up and down, focusing on the way he looked worse than you’d ever seen him. For a brief second, you felt triumph over it. He deserved this after everything he did to you. He deserved to feel like shit. The triumph faded faster than it came, and an overwhelming sadness replaced the ire thoughts you were having about him.

There were bags under his eyes, and you could tell he hadn’t been sleeping well. He never did when he couldn’t sleep with you. The facial hair that he usually kept so neat and maintained had grown beyond his usual boundaries, and the fact that he kept subconsciously scratching at it told you he didn’t like it. You tried not to let it get to you. You probably looked like shit, too.

“How’ve you been?” His focus remained wholly on you. You rubbed the back of your neck to try and shake off his stare.

“We don’t have to do this, Bil.” You looked at the ground, focusing on the crack in the concrete that crawled its way across the sidewalk, drawing a line inbetween you and Billy. You couldn’t decide if that was fitting, or incredibly sad. Maybe it was both.

“We’re not doing anything.” He shook his head innocently.

“You know what I mea-”

“Come home.”

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation as the two of you eyed each other.

“Billy, I-”

“Just for tonight. Until Karen’s apartment is...safe again.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, searching for an ulterior motive. And of course, there was an ulterior motive. You couldn’t blame him for it, because you knew if the roles were reversed, you’d be doing the same thing.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” You shook your head, more towards yourself than at him.

“Why not?” He cocked his head to the side.

“You know why.”

He nodded but shrugged his shoulders anyways.

“I’m not going to leave you out here with nowhere to go. It’s either the apartment, or we spend the next few hours in awkward silence at a diner.”

The apartment. Not ‘my’ apartment. He didn’t consider it his when you weren’t there to claim the other half of it. You couldn’t lie to yourself. You wanted so badly to go with him, to see the home that you’d built with him. You wanted so badly to see how he’d faired over the last month without you. It was with all this in mind, and not how much you missed him, that had you nodding, agreeing to go home. Just for a visit, you repeated in your mind, just for a visit.

When you stepped into what was once the living room you shared with Billy, you were struck with an overwhelming sense of familiarity. There was nothing different about it, except that the bookshelf was a little less stuffed than usual. You’d grabbed your favorites on your way out, unable to part with them, even just for a little bit.

“Can I get you some wine?” Billy asked, already heading toward the kitchen to pour himself a glass. You nodded, shrugging your jacket off and trying to ignore the strangeness of being treated like a guest in the home that you’d lived in for years.

When Billy returned with two particularly full glasses, you plopped down on the couch. You didn’t know how to act, or what to say, or who to be when you were around him anymore and falling back into old habits seemed like a grand way to get your feelings hurt again.

“You didn’t answer my question earlier.” Billy took a swig from his glass, sitting on the armchair across from the couch. You silently thanked the universe that he had put distance between the two of you. The closer he was, the less clearly you could think.

“Which one?”

“How’ve you been?”

“Oh.” You took a sip, only because it gave you something to do with your hands. “I’ve been alright.”

He smiled, but the corners of his mouth didn’t reach his eyes. Anyone who looked at you longer than two seconds could see that you’re clearly not doing alright, but you’d grown comfortable living in denial, and you weren’t going to admit how not alright you were.

“Heard your date didn’t go well.”

You scoffed. Maybe it was the wine, or the way he looked smug about the fact that you’d had a shitty date, but you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.

“Fuck you, Billy. It’s none of your business.”

Billy looked startled by your outburst. You gulped down another mouthful of wine before rubbing your hand down your face.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head. “I don’t know where that came from.”

“It’s okay. I probably deserve it.” He shrugged, leaning back in his seat.

“What happened to us?” You asked, gazing at the ceiling.

“You tell me, sunflower. You’re the one that left.”

Your heart ached at the nickname. It wasn’t fair that he used it, especially when you were clearly in a vulnerable mood, but you cherished it anyways.

“You left first.”

It was barely a whisper, said so quietly that you weren’t quite sure he had heard you. If the palpable tension that followed wasn’t indicative of his acknowledgment, the deep sigh that erupted from his chest soon after was indication enough. He stayed quiet, swirling the remaining wine in his glass around in small circles.

You stared at him, unflinching in your assessment of his body language. He didn’t look as miserable as you felt, and a spark of anger ignited in your belly because of it.

“Did you ever really love me, Bil?” You barked. It was bait, and both of you knew it. You’d never questioned his love for you, and he knew you were trying to get a rise out of him, but he couldn’t help stepping up to the plate and taking the bait.

“What kind of fucking question is that?” He watched you closely. You tried not to let your triumph show on your face. “Of course, I love you.”

He stood from his seat and rested his hands on his hips, willing you to do the same. Meet him where he stood, he dared, show him how much you still care. You were nothing if not a daredevil. You joined him in the middle of the room, pressing your index finger into his chest.

“Well then, what the fuck happened?”

“You. Tell. Me.” He gritted from between clenched teeth.

Billy wasn’t being fair to you, and he knew it. You were asking a valid question, and he was cowering behind the anger and frustration in the room.

“I can’t do this again, Bil.” You turned, reaching for your purse. A heavy tug on your elbow had you crashing into Billy’s chest, where he enveloped his arms around you and pulled you into a crushing hold.

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

There was a softness in his voice that tugged at your heartstrings. For a moment, you forgot you were speaking to a grown man and not an orphaned little boy. You blew a long breath out before shaking your head. He rested his forehead against your shoulder.

“No, Bil. I’m not leaving.”

“I always knew I’d end up breaking your pretty heart.” His voice was muffled by your shoulder, but you didn’t miss the slight crack in his words. “I knew I’d fuck it up eventually.”

“I don’t understand what happened. Everything was fine, and then it wasn’t.” You blinked away the tears that had built up on your waterline.

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”

You cupped his face as he dropped to his knees in front of you. His eyes, now red-rimmed and glassy, pleaded with you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from lowering your body next to his.

“What’s going on?” You asked him, eyes flickering between his fast-blinking eyelids and rapidly shaking hands.

“I was afraid.” He cleared his throat. “Am. I am afraid.”

“Of what? Where is this coming from?” You gaped. You knew Billy struggled with commitment more than most – it had taken him almost a year of serious dating before he could tell you he loved you – but you thought he had moved past that.

“Tom’s getting married.”

Your brow furrowed. “What does Tom have to do with us?”

“Tom’s getting married, and all I can think about is how I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give that to you, and how you deserve someone who can give you everything you want and more.”

You let his words sink into your chest, dissecting every interaction you’d had with him leading up to your breakup. It had been a slow descent, and when it finally became too much, you’d left with no clue how you ended up alone and sleeping on Karen’s couch every night.

“Billy,” You shuttered, shaking your head as tears began to travel down your cheeks, “I never said I wanted any of that.”

“It’s what you deserve.”

“But it’s not what I want. Why couldn’t you see that I was happy with the way things were?”

“I was terrified that you’d leave me. And then I became a shit boyfriend, and you really did leave me, and it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You wiped the tears from under your eyes and sniffled. “You weren’t always a shit boyfriend.”

Billy snorted, letting a small smile cross his face as he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“Can you ever forgive me, sunflower?”

You considered his question. If you were being completely honest, you’d forgiven him as soon as you saw his pretty, brown eyes across the bar earlier, so sad and searching for you.

“Can you promise that you’ll tell me when you’re feeling like this again, instead of shutting me out?” You cupped his cheek, eyes flicking down to his lips and then back up to his eyes.

“I can promise that I’ll try.” He swallowed, searching your expression. “Is that enough?”

You lurched forward, pressing your lips to his. The kiss tasted of red wine and salt, and you were suddenly grateful that you’d slumped to the floor earlier instead of waiting until now, when your knees were weak and shaking with anticipation.

“I love you.” Billy mumbled inbetween kisses.

“Show me.” You responded, opening yourself to him for the first time in over a month.

He took you right there on the living room floor, a flurry of intertwined limbs, swollen lips, and skin brushing skin. His lips only left yours long enough to whisper praises against your neck before returning to yours in a bruising kiss. When you came apart underneath him, you couldn’t stop the tears from forming, but he didn’t mind. He kissed the tears away, apologies in their own right, as he continued showing you how much he loved you.

Later on, after hours of reconciliation and apologies, you collapsed next to Billy on the couch. You’d lost your clothes a long time ago, only covered with the throw blanket you’d purchased the year before on a whim, and you watched as he sighed in quiet contemplation.

“We should tell Karen and Frank that their plan worked.” You rested your head on his shoulder. He smiled, pulling you into his chest.

“Let them figure it out on their own. They’ll come around at some point tomorrow when you still haven’t gone back.”

He was right. The next morning, when Karen and Frank knocked on the door, you and Billy were still cuddled together on the couch, so worn out from the night before that you hadn’t been able to muster up the energy to move to the bedroom. You took one glance at Billy before you were on him again, uncaring that your friends were waiting. That’s fine, you thought, let them wait. Let them wait.

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prettypei · 7 months

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hii i enjoy your writing! may i request fluff drabbles for gojo, choso, yuta, noritoshi (kamo from the kyoto school) and hajime (aka kashimo the turquoise haired pikachu) please? like he's in an established relationship with reader and they're out on a cute date, being domestic and behaving like an old married couple. some ideas: ikea, grocery shopping, aquarium, art gallery, science museum/observatory etc

bonus if there are sweet romantic moments~ i'm fine with either fem or gender neutral reader, thank you i hope you'll consider my request! i just need something comforting to read bc shibuya arc has started in the anime while the manga is kinda at a tensed climax rn and i feel stressed lmao

plot: cute dates/domestic couple thingys with them!; fluff

reader: gn! Reader

characters: gojo, yuuta, choso, kashimo, kamo

warnings: yuutas kinda mean in this (but in a yuuta way)

(a/n): first req!!!!!! Hi hello anon I hope u like it 💪💪💪 gojo’s bento is very stereotypical Japanese LOL…KAMO IS SRSLY UNDERRATED!!!! Erm I also have like zero knowledge of flowers so sorry if it’s inaccurate, KAMOS IS SUPER CHEESY ENDING GBHBHJHHJHJH

✰CHOSO

Choso loves art. But he doesn’t only love art, he also loves you. So when you suggested to take him to the art museum for a date, he was overjoyed by the thought. But… he was embarrassed that you would see his drawings of you, so he hid it discreetly in his bag when you went to the museum. Yes, he paints you. Sketches you, even. But he’s way too shy to admit it, because god, he could never capture the way your eyes glinted or the way your smile stood out or the expression of pure bliss when he kissed you… he tries to avoid drawing you, but he can’t. You’re in every thought of his. And now, he’s trying to hide his notebook from you. He’s hugging it close to his chest, hiding it under his book bag as he mimicked the painting in front of him. It was a simple one, really…but it looked like it was missing something. He thought for a minute and his brain clicked. It was missing you. You would fit perfectly into it, since your eye color would stand out splendidly. He just finished drawing your face before… “whatcha doing?” He stumbles and knocks over his collection of colored pencils over the bench he was sitting on. “Nothing.” “Are you drawing something? Can I see it?” You ask excitedly. And honestly, could he ever say no to you? He mumbled a bit as he gave the book to you and started picking up the colored pencils, and you were surprised to see your own face staring back at you. “Is-is this me?” You smile. You flip through the book, and you noticed how your face was on almost every page. Choso looks up with a flustered face. “I-well-kinda? Yeah?” You drop down to the floor and hug him. “You’re so cute.” You mumble with a grin on your face. If he had known this would’ve made you like this he would’ve shown you this ages ago.

✰YUUTA

You and yuuta were at the grocery store, the second time this week, because food was running out again, since yuuta always insists on "buying just enough for both of us so we don't waste any food". If you didn't lie, you thought he quite enjoyed your silly little trips to the groceries. Even though the walk was short, you and yuuta often point out interesting things that cross your path. Last week you saw a dog wearing a fur coat, and just yesterday yuuta heard a construction worker whistle out the tune to "From the start" by Laufey. It's those simple things that quickly become inside jokes for the both of you. Upon arriving at the store, you usually follow yuuta as he shops for suitable groceries for today's lunch and dinner. But...after going shopping with him 3 times when you were dating, you noticed yuuta had a habit of looking at food labels. For a really long time. As yuuta examines the ingredients for the canned pineapples (why would you even need to do that? It's literally just pineapples!) you whine about how he's taking so long that you've started getting wrinkles. He then proceeds to give you a chuckle and a "wait a minute, love." and continue to read the can's contents. "(name)." He calls out your name in the most serious tone you've ever heard him in. "what?" He reaches into the cart and takes out a can of "grilled takoyaki balls: freshly made" and gives you a disgusted look. You shrug sheepishly.

✰GOJO

"(NAME)!!! (NAMEEEE)!!!" A tic almost forms at your forehead when you hear that sound, and, lo and behold, it is your husband once again embarrassing you in front of your co-workers. You walk over to him while crossing your arms. "What are you doing?" You hiss as the women (and men) all around you give you jealous looks. "Can't I surprise my darlin' at work once in a while?" He grins while holding up a bento box. Your eyes soften as you look at the homemade bento. Yeah, it probably tastes like shit cuz Gojo really can't cook, but...it's nice to see him put in an effort once in a while. "I wanna see your reaction when you eat it." He says stubbornly as he pulls your hand into the office building. "Oh boy." You think when Gojo shrugs off the security guard and waves to everyone as he waltzes into the lunch break room like he owns the place. He pulls a chair down for you and sits down in another one. "Open it, open it!" He smiles. You roll your eyes with a chuckle, and you're expecting to see some unidentified gunk, but to your surprise, it's a cute bento with sausages shaped like squid, egg rolls tucked in nicely next to the fried rice, and meat balls on a stick. “I made it four times, did you like it? And, well, I may or may have not made our kitchen a mess but it’s worth-“ You shut him up with a kiss.

✰KAMO

“Kamo, love?” “Yes, dear?” “Look at how gorgeous these Daffodils are!” You pick up a potted plant of them as Kamo miles at you. Going on dates to flower shops had become a routine for you and Kamo, since you both would do it weekly. “Yes, darling, they are beautiful. Not as beautiful as you though.” “Shut up.” You scoff as you roll your eyes and shove him playfully. Kamo has a wide knowledge about flowers, knowing what each of them symbolize and what they represent. Before dating Kamo, you would’ve never known that red, white and pink carnations had different meanings, or that white Hyacinths stood for loveliness. Most of the time on these dates you would stroll through each aisles, pointing out flowers or plants that you thought were cute. Kamo would then proceed to tell you the meaning. On the surface, it may seem like a repetitive action, but with Kamo, everything feels new and interesting. He may tell you a story about what this plant reminds him of, or about how this flower wilts to your beauty. At the end of every date (usually the shopkeeper has to kick you both out) Kamo buys you a bouquet of flowers, each symbolizing something about your relationship with one another. Even though sometimes the flowers wilt and you have to throw them away, he knows that his love for you never will.

✰KASHIMO

"Kashi! You look just like it!" Kashimo hums as he opens one eye to see you holding up a cat. You both are at a cat cafe, since you really do love cats and, well, Kashimo doesn't mind cats, really. But when he met you (a certified-cat-lover) his love for them had grown. Now, whenever he sees a stray cat on the street, he takes a picture and shows it to you. "Do I? Its hair's not green." He points out. "Well, it doesn't have to be! You and him both give off the same vibes! I just saw him standing on top of the bookshelf, thought it looked lonely." "You think I'm lonely?" He teases, getting down from his seat to sit on the floor with you. “Nah. You’re never lonely with me.” You grin. “Say hi to it!” “Hello.” He says with a deadpan face. “You have to be friendly with it!” “Hello.” He smiles an obviously forced grin. “😐” “I love you.” “Okay.” “C’mon, baby don’t be like that.” He smirks as he scoots in closer with you. You roll your eyes as you start playing with the cat. Kashimo’s eyes narrow as he snatch’s the cat away from your arms. “Hey!” “If you keep on playing with it more than me, I’m gonna think you were wishing you were dating it.” He ruffles its hair as he lets it go. “You’re so mean. It’s cute! Unlike you.” “Who exactly is the mean one?” You giggle and poke his cheek. “I’m joking, joking. I love you.” There’s a moment of silence as he takes in the words. “Well, I love you more. If this is a competition, I’m definitely gonna win.”

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jaeyunsz · 1 year

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a writer’s main character - lee heeseung

pairing: heeseung x fem!reader (she/her)

genre: college!au, writer!heeseung, ill!reader, ANGST

expected word count: 25k+

warnings: mentions of death and sickness, unrequited love, cursing, smut (more will be added when it is finalized)

summary: in your whole life, you have never fallen in love. love was a feeling that you wanted to experience and after finding out that you have just a little more than a year to live, you become more desperate to fall in love with someone. lucky for you, the head editor of your university’s newspaper is determined find a muse for their best writer, lee heeseung, for him to finish up his last article before he graduates. you only accept in one condition; heeseung would help you fall in love.

a/n: reposting this bc i decided to finish it and hope to post it in the upcoming weeks!

It was already April and Heeseung still had zero idea what to write about. He had recently turned in his latest article. He wanted to start writing his last article for the year immediately so it wouldn’t bother him when he gets busy with graduation. He didn’t expect to be out of ideas since his mind was always clouded with new stuff to type on his laptop. Well, there was a first time for everything, right? He just wanted his last article to be big and original, never been done before. He wanted to leave an impact.

Being a literature major, Heeseung had always liked to read books and write in his dusty notebook. His dream was to publish a book and he would do everything to make his dream come true. He was still young and had a lot to learn. Throughout the years, he worked next to different writers and publishers.

Heeseung had been writing for the university’s newspaper since the freshmen year. People barely got the chance to publish their own writings in the newspaper so it came as a surprise when Heeseung’s article was seen on the first page as a first year student. He was on cloud nine to see that he had given a chance to prove himself as a writer.

But now, he was on writer’s block and the head editor was getting on his nerves.

‘’Have you thought about what you’re going to write about Heeseung?’’ Yeonjun asked during a meeting, making Heeseung bite the inside of his cheek.

‘’I’m stuck.’’ Heeseung replied, not taking his eyes off from his phone as he scrolled through empty apps. Yeonjun eyed him up and down, watching the writer closely.

‘’I can see that you’re stressed about it. Don’t you seriously have nothing to write about? It’s just- I’ve never seen you like this before. You always have something up your sleeve.’’ The older boy confronted him.

Yeonjun was also surprised by this outcome since Heeseung always had magnificent ideas. Heeseung locked his phone and put it on the table in front of him. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh before looking at Yeonjun again.

‘’I know you don’t like to ask about others for ideas but listen to me for a second before you try to punch me. I think I have certain person in my mind that you might want to write about.’’ Yeonjun continued, his words making Heeseung sit straight up.

‘’I’m desperate at this point. I’m all ears.’’

Yeonjun let released a relieved sigh, a tiny smile replacing the frown on his face. ‘’Have you ever met Beomgyu’s friend, Y/N?’’

‘’Not in person but I think I’ve seen her around.’’

‘’Heeseung, she is dying-‘’

‘’What do you mean she is dying?’’ Heeseung said with a serious expression.

‘’Heeseung, she is literally dying. Beomgyu mentioned that she had a heart condition. It does not look good and her doctor says that she only has around a year before… you know. The interesting part is; after she found all about that she told Beomyu that she wanted to fall in love so why don’t you write about her? Follow her around for a couple months until she finds somebody. Your article will be ready by then. Also the story will stay as a memory in her honor. So what do you say?’’

#heeseung scenarios #heeseung smut #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smut #enhypen #heeseung

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verycharismaticdragon · 5 months

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Do you know why everyone and their mother keeps saying that Sheb Qingqiu's secluded cultivation lasts for a year or 3??? Last I checked, wasn't he only in the cave for several months??

...I haven't seen a fic use that timeframe in quite a while - am I the delusional one??

Having intensively cultivated for several months, he could freely control his spiritual energy and had risen one level above his original cultivation base.

... nope, still as I remembered from the official book, page 85 in my copy. Even my old Exiled Rebels translation puts it as, "several months." Last I checked, 12 (or 36) months is far too many to simply be considered "several", so what am I missing? It just- throws off the timeline so badly and greatly increases the amount of time poor Binghe is stuck in the woodshed, for what?

Okay, so the 3 years thing comes from the donghua, no need to look further. It's one of those things that directly go against canon but have stuck in people's minds, similar to 'the washerwoman was the one to pull baby Binghe out of the river' and 'Shen Qingqiu fainted dramatically several times early on in his transmigration'.

Then, I don't believe I have seen 1 year myself, but if I had to guess, it may come from the fact that Binghe is 14yo prior to SQQ entering seclusion and 15 once he leaves. That said, an entire year makes zero sense considering what we know of the timeline.

Which is where I confess that I tore out some hair over the length of SQQ's seclusion when constructing the timeline for Transmigrator Time Traveler, because for me 'several' months means 3 to 5, but given all the facts, SQQ's seclusion had to last somewhere between 6 and 10 instead. (I went with 9 in the end, for the fic, cause I've read that 9 is a significant number for spiritual practices cultivation is based on? the source was a little vague so i don't know how true that is, but I needed a number.)

Nevermind, to the aforementioned facts. MXTX confirmed the date of the first chapter publication - Sept.21 - to be the date of SQQ's transmigration. (Small note: I'll be using modern months, even though SV's world uses lunar calendar, because it's easier to gauge weather and stuff. For characters in the novel, they might see those as different months/seasons, but that doesn't really affect our purpose here.) Luo Binghe’s 15th birthday - which Shen Qingqiu missed in seclusion - is in winter ('coldest day' which I after some research came to hc as jan6, though that's not particularly relevant, because...) Demon invasion happened on a 'hot day' (SQQ mentions it in relation to how SHL is dressed) - which puts it in May at the earliest, August at the latest. So these are the 'borders' we are working with.

Now, to my actual calculations. We know SQQ spent some time on the Peak after transmigration, before the Skinner mission that led to him going to seclusion. So I'm gonna say that happened in October at the earliest, December if you stretch it (though I feel like his tatas would freeze off if the Skinner left him half-undressed in December...) - but definitely not later, cause Binghe’s birthday has to happen off-screen. So if we take the longest possible time frame, October to August, we get 10 months. The slimmest possible window - December to May - gives us 5 months, but between the aforementioned boob hypothermia issue and the fact that May is a bit of a stretch for the 'hot day', I think that 6 months is the shortest you can go.

Which, again, doesn't align with my understanding of what should be described as 'several' months, but what can you do... tbh, im not sure MXTX thought all that hard about the timeline, which is understandable as a writer - but as a fan, frustrating

So yeah - definitely less than a year (and absolutely not 3, donghua), though the math gets fuzzier after that.

#that said im pretty sure that donghua's 3 years is to save on Binghe models... he def has different ones pre and post seclusion #but im pretty sure that demon invasion and IAC binghes have at the very least the same head. not sure about if the clothes are a recolor too #still... feel like they couldve handled it more gracefully. like for example not mentioning the time frame at all 🙄#svsss #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss meta

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exysexualmoron · 1 year

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One of my favorite things about aftg is how the characters feel so real. I read them at the exact age most of the foxes are and they just fet like ppl I knew irl. And I think the prevalence of certain fandom views has SO MUCH to do with people forgetting what it’s like to be younger and not knowing what it’s like to be older.

Like we often talk about how they’re in their early 20s, Andrew and Aaron then 20 in TRK, most foxes are 20-24. They’re college kids, old enough for society to let them live on their own but still young enough that they have zero experience being adults. They’re doing it for the first time! And a lot of the infantilization of the characters stem from that (I don’t mean the uwu Neil discourse but generally how people perceive them according to their ages).

Neil’s 18 at the time. Legally an adult but with no “real world” experience in many senses, while other Foxes (Dan) seem much older than they are because they had too much “real world” experience growing up (and the definition of real world goes regular life and regular bad, not running-from-your-serial-killer-dad).

Andrew’s 19 in the first book. I was cuddling with my mom and watching Teen Wolf at that age, she was telling me I could go out without asking but never without telling her where i was going. That’s how old he is. He can’t legally drink in the US. In some places he’s not old enough to stop receiving child support.

Nicky’s approaching his mid 20s but he managed two teens and is just now getting to live that sweet 18-21 life.

These are all real people. With issues, and an imaginary sport and surreal mob war that wouldn’t happen irl but they are real college students. They’re that kid you’d meet at a party and talk about work and taxes and then they’d have to leave because their mom who lives two states away wants them home before midnight and they do it because they know it’s about being safe and also their last chance to be their mom’s baby.

We often compare the foxes to teenagers, or say they’re immature for their age, but even when you take into account how trauma makes people act older and younger, they’re such real college students that it’s probably what got me in the first place. You see the age range, and you know the Andrew that leaves PSU is not the Andrew we met. He’s probably closer to Matt than anyone would like to think.

#aftg #all for the game #character study #neil josten #andrew minyard #nicky hemmick #dan wilds #matt boyd

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ghosty-schnibibit · 9 months

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alright, so, now that i am not an incandescent ball of fury:

i was extremely disappointed with go2 and downright angry about the way it concluded. i've already read some excellent posts by other lovely people that articulate some of my grievances really well (which sadly i can't link here or the site will eat this post entirely) but i want to add my own to the pile. if you enjoyed the season then more power to you, but i very much did not.

after this post i won't be complaining about s2 again or really posting anything about it at all, positive or negative, and will probably just block the tag entirely. like i said in my much shorter vent post last night, i just want to get all of my negativity out in one go and then pretend it doesn't exist. with that out of the way:

the pacing was terrible. the plot went in circles around itself and the mystery was handled so poorly that it somehow managed to be too convoluted and too simple at the same time. we spent five entire episodes wondering what was going on only to have it resolved by an exposition dump of about five minutes. the mini-sodes ground multiple episodes to a halt and squandered the majority of the season's runtime on pointless fanservice that cheapened some of the previous season's most emotional moments, runtime that could have been better spent setting up the gabriel mystery or developing literally any of the new characters introduced. speaking of which,

the new characters were pointless. nina and maggie were given no characterization beyond being pale expies of az and crowley, and the fact that a substantial part of the b-plot revolved around them makes this even more apparent. i do not remember the name of the angel pretending to be a constable and i don't care enough about them to look it up, they had literally no plot significance whatsoever. same goes for the processing demon from the third episode. the flip with jax from being a somewhat neutral character to a big bad in a party city wig felt like a failed attempt to recapture some of what made hastur and ligur work in the previous series.

gabriel and beelzabub. their relationship was unbelievable and clashed so heavily with their previous characterizations. i called it from the first episode and dreaded its conclusion right up to the finale. they feel like an ill-thought parody of ineffable husbands pulled out of an enemies-to-lovers crackfic. every romantic moment in the last episode was insipid and cloying, and them getting a consequence free happy ending retroactively cheapened the stakes of the previous season. it honestly felt like the writers just wanted to mash their dolls together.

aziraphale's character was assassinated and crowley was basically just there to play the hits. both of them were flanderized to the moon and back, but poor aziraphale got the worst of it. all of his character development from the previous season was thrown out the window in order to give us the big angsty conclusion set-up for a third season. they were both utterly flattened and i feel so bad for michael and david, they were clearly doing the best with what they were given but what they were given was just plain bad.

most of the humor and warmth from the book and the previous season were just… gone. no narrator, only one or two comedic asides from the title cards, a total of maybe three minutes of queen music across the whole thing (and most of that a piano cover), and a whole lot of little stylistic touches that went by the wayside and left the world feeling a bit hollow. also the comedy in this season was much more reliant on a "hey, aren't the characters acting so silly right now? aren't they failing at looking/acting normal? isn't that funny?" style of humor than on the wit and subtle satire of the first.

it was nothing but set up for a third season. learning this after finishing the season did not make me feel better about any of it, but it does explain a bit why it felt like all set up and no pay off. i have zero confidence about the ship being righted in a potential s3 that we likely will not see for many years (if at all, i'm already hearing murmurs about the show getting axed).

so that's basically it. i'll reiterate that if you enjoyed this season then i have no beef with you; your opinions are your own and, while i have no desire to have a dialogue about them, i respect them. but the original good omens book was very personally meaningful to me, as was its adaptation in s1, and this poorly thought out continuation has disappointed and saddened me to the point that i feel like i don't want to engage with the fandom in its wake.

#go2 spoilers #good omens 2 critical #good omens 2 negative #i know the ship dealio is where i disagree with people the most #bc i'm seeing a lot of people who have a lot of the same critiques of the pacing and tone but like beez and gabriel together #to which i will simply say i'm sorry your otp is my notp and move along my merry way like the fandom veteran i am #and with that i shall disappear into the void again

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feyreandhercourt · 3 months

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My thoughts on HOFAS, ft. SPOILERS

Overall, I will say I think this was a very well "written" book craft-wise. Like better than HOSAB and ACOSF, imo.

Okay Bryce telling Hunt “thinking about you getting tortured was hard for me!!!” was a… choice. If fated mates could divorce, I’d be filing

Honestly all around. They are my least favorite but before I attributed it to just not being into Hunt. But honestly they just seemed to be on different pages.

Where was Fury?????????????????????

Okay the hand thing was brutal but well played

Lidia was great. Also I recognized the Brann thing when he was introduced and was very proud of myself because I never make the connections lol

But I did think he might be like OG Brannon… the fact he’s not still has me interested

The bonus chapters were decent generally. Az and Nesta were likeable in them which makes me hopeful because Az’s LAST bonus chapter was Not A Good Look (tm)

Tell me how Feyre beat the Midgardden wyrm or whatever with a bone and yet Az and Nesta couldn’t. Nothing but respect for MY high lady

Speaking of, Theia really went the tradwife route and said no more high ladies tee hee only men should rule, huh?

Did Sigfrid or whatever even matter?

Ariadne felt like the opposite of Chekov’s gun. You have a DRAGON and a lot of fire and girlie is MIA

Ithan becoming Prime when the boy has zero main character energy was… meh.

Getting their powers back was AWESOME though am I forgetting something or did that not happen to Bryce? It felt like a copout but maybe I missed it?

The Theia/Silene reveals were interesting but lmao Nesta and Bryce kept talking shit during them which was both funny and just… repetitive

Bryce seemed to CONSTANTLY making inappropriate wisecracks. Like I don’t mean with the king but like when Lydia’s sons were captured or whatever??? not necessarily that but similar. Like girl there are times to be serious.

Ruhb SHOOTING LYDIA IN THE LEG while they are in enemy territory was one of the DUMBEST things going. But ya know what I need a couple to root for and Juniper/Lydia had no page time so they get a pass

Um. So we’re just not gonna address the Rhys/Ruhn twinsie connection?????

Tharion really made the bold choice to just… exist.

Also not the book’s fault but the video thing lmao would SO be disbelieved with where AI is today and that was all I could think when they released it

The Urd/Wyrd thing was a facepalmer that I liked

Wehb ACOWARA came out, a blogger (who posts great takes) was annoyed Feyre reused the starfall dress because that was a major royalty faux pas. That’s how I felt when Bryce used the mask.

People said things felt “too easy” but I don’t think that was an issue. Like QOS was “easier” but it’s one of the most beloved SJM books. I think the real issue is people didn’t feel connected and SJM had a few too many instances of explicitly saying “they didn’t know what they were doing but they did it by instinct”

GIVE ME MY FIRE BREATHING BITCH QUEEN WITH HER POWERS BACK PLEASE

SJM is 100000% going to write another TOG book and I am so ready. Those do. Not. Miss.

As ever, (and I had the same issue with Marvel) the issue with these multiverse things for me personally is I read some really fantastic theories that make a TON of sense, get excited for them, and then when they’re either not present or not present but with no explanation or a worse one, I wind up disappointed.

I’d say this is my second favorite CC book. I did think it was well-written though. And I know some were upset not to have ACOTAR POVs (okay me too lol) but I do think it makes sense to keep it as Bryce’s book. Except it’s more “Bryce and Friends” than Bryce.

#HOFAS #hofas spoilers #house of flame and shadow #house of flame and shadow spoilers #cc3 #bryce #crescent city #hunt alathar #sjmaas #throne of glass #acomaf #acosf #acowar #nesta archeron

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allgirlsareprincesses · 9 months

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I'm so curious as to what your thoughts are on acomaf/Rhys. Personally, the reason the second book infuriated me was bc SJM completely shifted Tamlin's good traits onto Rhys, while erasing the fucked up things the latter did (like breaking Feyre's arm 😅), and thus clumsily erasing chances for interesting complex grey-morality characterizations for both characters. Also Feyre forgot about Tamlin so fast it almost made the first book seem useless lol. idk, I just liked Tamlin and feel he was done dirty with the weird lib-feminist makeover acomaf got. I did continue reading the series though. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable speaking about this, so feel free to ignore this ask. Have a lovely day 💖

Phew! So my issues with the series are NUMEROUS and some day I will go into all the reasons I quit ACOMAF 3/4 of the way through, but for now, let me sum up my problem by comparing it to another modern phenomenon: Frozen.

Like ACOTAR, I have many specific dislikes about the Frozen series, but my main problem with it is the way it cynically uses fairy tale motifs against the audience, but then still wants to claim it is a fairy tale. Frozen's setup gives the audience absolutely zero reason to doubt or distrust Hans (other than the arrival of Kristoff). In fact, Hans and Anna have one of the best insta-love songs from the Disney collection, and it galls me TO NO END that it's a trick, a lie. And then the rest of the movie repeatedly mocks the audience for believing in fairy tale love ("You can't marry a man you just met!"), as if to say everyone who has enjoyed Disney fairy tales up to this point is a sucker. Yet then it expects us to invest in the Anna-Kristoff romance after punishing us for the Anna-Hans one. And meanwhile, Kristoff is about as interesting as stale bread (sorry not sorry, it's true. I love you Jonathan Groff, it's not your fault sweetie.).

So anyway, back to ACOTAR. Book 1 is a straightforward Search For The Lost Husband. Taken on its own, it honestly rules as an example of this Cupid & Psyche tale type. It has the hunter-huntress motif, the jealous sisters, passage into the otherworld, hidden/cursed prince, supernatural helpers, three trials in the underworld, and even resurrection from death. It's literally perfect, other than Rhys marking her and just generally being creepy.

And then the next book PUNISHES the reader for enjoying that. HAHA you fool, you sucker, you got taken in by an abuser! Actually that whole book was a f*cking waste of time and a lie, and what Feyre really needs is this dude who's secretly perfect and who has all the aesthetics of a tormented prince but none of the actual psychological damage (like, say, Tamlin had). And who pursued Feyre not because of any natural affinity but because he knew she was his predetermined MATE (ew ew ew and I repeat EW). And who dictates every f*cking plot point and then magnanimously gives Feyre the OPTION of participating and we're all supposed to cheer because he says "It's your choice" before repeatedly using her and endangering her.

And to the extent that this is another Search For The Lost Husband, why would I want the same story told again, especially when the narrative wasted my time and mocked me for investing in the last romance? I just... really resent the author using those motifs without signaling sooner that she's going to deliberately undermine them (which can be done, in fairness, but it takes more skill than SJM has displayed).

So yeah, that's my issue. It really seems to come from this faux feminism that has a lot of antipathy toward traditional fairy tales, but doesn't know how to critique them without mocking the protagonist and audience alike.

#acotar #acomaf negativity #acomaf #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #sjmaas #acotar negativity #critique #rant #frozen #prince hans #tamlin #feyre archeron #rhysand #tamlin x feyre #search for the lost husband

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wen-kexing-apologist · 4 months

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7 Days Before Valentine Ep 6: Stray Thoughts

Sunshine

First of all, Sunshine, @respectthepetty and I are on the way, we've got bats with your name carved in them, so I'd advise you to start running.

Sunshine is one of the characters I hate the most this year, especially as a main character/protagonist. But I do think they are doing an incredible job with his characterization in that this is a man with no one in his life, he doesn't interact with his parents, he has no friends, and based off the way he behaves you can tell exactly why. This is the most impulsive, self-absorbed man I've seen in quite some time.

Sunshine reminds me of the guys in my life I've known who are deeply in need of help, but turn everything in to a joke and absolutely, willfully refuse to talk about anything real. Sunshine absolutely, willfully refuses to pause for long enough to actually think about how terrible of a person he is and how much he is harming those around him as a result of that.

I don't even think Sunshine knows what he wants. He had a chance in his previous wish to just completely try again, in the best possible scenario where marriage equality has been passed and Rain doesn't know who he is, Sunshine has a clean slate, but that isn't good enough, so he ruins society, and that doesn't work, so he hurts Rain in the most fundamentally cruel way by removing his best friend from existence. Sunshine is hurting Rain so that he can be in a relationship with Rain, which is all I need to know to decide that Rain and Sunshine better not fucking end up together in this.

The Flowers

gif by @save-the-data

Okay, I don't know why, but the way Jared talks about his flowers is making me this of this book I read years ago called Daughter of Smoke and Bone where the main character is like living in the real world but has connections to this other fantasy world, and she goes to her friend to make wishes (for example, she wishes that her hair would naturally grow blue) and she only learns way later that every time she makes a wish the wish is paid for with (I think?) someone's tooth. And she realized that people, creatures, etc had died or been tortured to have their teeth removed so that she could make silly little wishes.

I don't know that I want this, I don't know what it would do or what it would say, but for some reason I cannot get it out of my head that these flowers with names that Jared talks about so lovingly are actual people's souls. Especially after that one rose fucking screamed when Sunshine dropped it.

Metaphors

gif by @save-the-data

The back half of last episode and the first half of this episode were really heavy on the theme of conformity. And I don't think I have a lot of words for it right now, but it is feeling very much like metaphors for externalized/internalized homophobia and the closet. Like how the little girl draws this picture of herself in a pink dress and writes SOS, while walking neatly in a line, in the same boring uniform as all the rest of the kids. Like the vibrant ecclectically dressed property manager, also choosing to conform when she goes out in public because she doesn't want to be stared at. Like the busker getting hauled away/punished by the police for breaking free from society's order. Like Jared, bright, happily, bubbly, and (in my opinion) visibly queer man being terrified of being hauled away to be "corrected". And this is all stemming from snap decisions Sunshine is making out of petty bullshit with almost zero intelligent thought behind his wishes.

How I want this to end

gif by @pharawee

I think I want Sunshine to wish Q away from existence. Q's job is very clearly weighing on him, and he deserves rest. For fuck's sake, his clothing gets darker every episode Sunshine needs to accept that Rain is gone from him, that he fucked up and can't go back, and I do not want Rain getting together with someone that really seems to disregard the harm he is causing.

Anyway, I am really enjoying this show, but it is slow as fuck and if it wasn't filmed, written, and structured like a play I don't think I would have had as high a tolerance for it's pacing.

#7 days before valentine #7dbv

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cooliogirl101 · 6 months

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So in Fourth Wing, I actually liked Xaden's character for the most part (minus the sex scenes and the last chapter, which I'm just not gonna talk about. I've never seen an author manage to erase character depth by giving them a chapter in their POV before). What I didn't enjoy was Xaden and Violet's relationship-- how so much of the focus was on establishing the drama and physical attraction between them that it forgot to make it fun.

Like, I could care less about Xaden being the dark, handsome, mysterious, broody guy. Let him be that way with everyone else. Violet and Xaden, I want them to shed their masks around each other and not even notice doing it. I want them to make each other feel safe enough to act like the children they never got to be.

"This is unbecoming behavior of you, Riorson. Please release me." Despite her words, Violet's tone was as professional as ever. The only sign of her annoyance was the miniscule twitch of her left eyebrow-- that, as well as the fact that she'd resorted to using his last name. Again.

"You found her?" Imogen grinned.

"It wasn't difficult." Xaden's tone was unbearably smug. Violet had a sudden, inexplicable urge to lean down and bite his hand where it was still holding onto her wrist in an unshakable grip.

She blinked, startled by the impulse. That was unlike her. She wondered if being bonded to two dragons had a bigger impact on her than she'd thought.

Don't blame this on us, Tairn grumbled in her head. Believe me, this is all you, Silver One.

"Found her slacking off in the Archives," Xaden continued. "She was so absorbed in her book, she didn't even notice me approaching."

(In the privacy of her own mind, Violet could perhaps admit to herself that this one was on her. She'd chosen too obvious a hiding place. Still, she wasn't about to say that to him.)

"Something we're going to have go work on," Xaden added, flicking her on the forehead. "Can't have you getting distracted every time you come across a shiny new volume you haven't read before. Why, imagine the disaster if our enemies discovered all they had to do was throw some rare first-edition volume in the air and they'd have a fifty-fifty chance of you diving off your dragon to catch it," he teased.

This time, she wasn't able to catch her impulse in time to stop it. Before she could analyze the potential consequences, she'd already kicked Xaden in the shin as hard as she could.

He let out a satisfying hiss of pain, releasing her from his grip.

"Now who's the unbecoming one?" Xaden asked, eyes bright with amusement. "Assaulting a superior officer? I could have you reported for that."

"'Take advantage of the opportunities your enemy gives you'," Violet recited. "General Katz, Rules of Combat."

"Are we enemies now?" Xaden wondered, placing a hand on his chest in mock hurt. "And here I was trying so hard to keep you alive."

"Anyone who disrupts my scholarly time that I spend analyzing and learning battle strategies to better prepare for the war effort is my enemy," Violet retorted.

"Please," Xaden scoffed. "The last person who needs any help training their intelligence is you. You're scary enough as it is, Violence."

This time, Violet managed to restrain the automatic urge to elbow him, if only because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of proving him right.

"Don't call me that," she snapped instead. It wasn't even a proper pun, she thought to herself indignantly. If he was going to bastardize her name, he could at least have the decency of using some clever wordplay. This, on the other hand, was just lazy.

"What? Violence?" Xaden blinked, in a manner that would appear innocent, had it not been for the way the corner of his lips kept twitching. "But it suits you so well--"

Violet lunged at him.

It was, objectively speaking, an absolutely horrible attack. It was wild, impulsive, uncalculated, with zero chance of actually working.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun.

Violet had just enough time to catch the way Xaden's smirk morphed into a full-fledged grin before he caught her mid-tackle and twisted her until he had her in a fireman's carry.

"Let me go!" She threatened-- or attempted to. The barely suppressed laughter in her voice rather took all the menace out of it.

"Not a chance," Xaden scoffed, humor softening his features until they seemed younger, boyish almost. His body felt very warm against hers. "Let me remind you, you're the one who leapt into my arms, Violet. You can hardly ask me to let you go now."

(Everyone else in the training studio: *determinedly avoiding eye contact*

Rhiannon: How is it that they engage in the worst PDA of the Wing without actually engaging in any PDA. And how is it that neither of them seems to realize it.)

#i hate the violence nickname in canon if you couldn't tell #like use it if you want but at least acknowledge it's cheesy

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staceymcgillicuddy · 4 months

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annual writing self-evaluation

Thanks to @astorytotellyourfriends for the tag - I didn't do this last year!

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

If She Lived in Space, Man, I'd Build A Plane crimson & clover pulling overtime model citizen; zero discipline what you give just serves me right two jack trippers and a chrissy perception check all my kinktober fills a hollow tree

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Gosh, that's hard. I'm proud of all of them for different reasons, and I have issues with all of them for different reasons. I guess I would say "what you give just serves me right" makes me happy, and was something I had to push myself to do, but I was pleased with how it turned out in the end.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I hate that I have two fics out that I haven't updated in ages! I am not proud of that! And there are a few things in all of them that I'd tweak.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh golly. Alright, from a hollow tree, which was my Halloween fic featuring Lilith!succubus!Chrissy:

Fog slips into the van when he opens the door. A mist so thick it’s disorienting as he drops to the ground, and the shape of a girl forms itself out of the gloom.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Almost every single regular commenter on Soul makes my heart sing and my panties drop, and I'm so sorry my brain is being stupid right now.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right goddamn now. It's like squeezing blood from a fucking stone, and I have no idea why, but everything comes out strained and blechy and I hate it, and I refuse to inflict it on anyone else so I'll just sit like a lump, churning out crap and never showing it to anyone.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

Genuinely did not think that I would get so into the Hopper/Chrissy/Eddie dynamic as I did when I wrote it as a crackship as part of kinktober. But, like, I could get DOWN with that shit.

Also, Hellcheerington surprised me. Oh, and writing Eddie's dad for Soul was weirdly cathartic? I was determined to make him a person and not a collection of cliches, which was easier said than done. I think I got there, in the end. Hope so, anyway!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't, I fucking regressed. Or, no, not really. I pushed myself a bit, tried to get sharper and cleaner with some prose. Read some theory books, worked on my rhetorical devices, forced myself to kill a couple darlings along the way (but not all the darlings, god damn it).

I also published a book, so yay?

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I'd like to get back to writing original fiction. I've been in a slump with that, too, because it doesn't have the instantaneous feedback that fanfic does. I want to split my time between fic and pro writing stuff, and I want to be very realistic about how much mental energy my real job takes up. When I used to write like a madwoman, I didn't have the role I currently do, which is a senior project manager leading a team, working mostly with executive-level staff. Don't get me wrong, my job pisses me off a lot, and stresses me out, too, but it pays well and we live in a shithole of a society where money matters in the grand scheme of things.

So, like, I guess I hope to grow as a writer in writing even when my brain doesn't want me to, or it doesn't feel great to do so.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Freaking Shirley Jackson, man. That bitch can write.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

I'm always putting kinky shit I see or experience at the bdsm club into my fic. I am as God made me.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Everything is made up and the points don't matter. Stop comparing yourself to other authors. Turn off stats on your AO3. Write what you fucking want and quit worrying if other people are going to like it.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I'm going to be so, so glad when Soul is done because I love it so much but it is also the millstone around my neck.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@binickandros, @pipergirl17 and @phoenixwrites please!

#ask meme #writing #personal #bsc diaries #i rambled a lot up there #thank u for reading if u got this far #gentle forehead kisses for you

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koifishart · 25 days

Text

I want to be Your Koi Fish

Warning: +18 content, criminal underworld, intercourse, strong language - and so on

Fanfiction based on: "Baki" by Itagaki Keisuke

>30<

Whenever Kaoru was going to be late, he would let her know. Either he or Kizaki. This time neither one nor the other spoke. Hanabi walked around the whole apartment. Seemingly zero marks, but she found traces of blood on the living room carpet. Small but significant. After all... where from? Cut his finger with a knife and said he would leave something as a souvenir? Probably thought she didn't know anything. She knew. She read the news on the Internet. Had heard of an unknown man with two swords. In fact, she felt his presence, from time to time a shiver ran down her spine, which she had never known. Hanabi talked to the sisters - they also sensed that something was happening. Guessed that newcomer had come to his premises, and whatever happened...Kaoru couldn't remain silent. The police chief himself pleaded with him for attention and for fighting the problem. She wasn't there, but she was standing outside the door listening. Only such a simple thing as crossing the border tipped the scales? She had plans to call Kizaki, but in time stopped herself. What would it do? After all, he will not turn back! Instead, outraged to the limit, she chose a completely different number.

- Hi, I have something... - she began, but was quickly interrupted.

- We know, we'll be there soon. - She heard a firm tone in the receiver. - Get ready.

She waited for nothing. Pulled on dark, close-fitting pants, a black tight blouse, threw a leather jacket over it and, almost jumping into light-heeled ankle boots, shot out like a slingshot from an apartment building. Hoped it wouldn't be too late. She caught them on the way. Ayame in one of her immortal plain colored corsets and jeans, Shizuka in a colorful jumpsuit and Yui in a white T-shirt, khaki pants and dark army boots. Last one took with her two swords strapped to her belt. She knew them. They were hung by their grandfather for a long time, passed down from generation to generation. HIS swords.

They arrived at the last minute. They broke through the crowd screeching something about manga and characters from history. She had to arrive on time. The samurai apparently had a great time feeling everyone's eyes focused on himself. Hanabi felt her heart stop beating for a few seconds. First, he had cut Hanayama's back open, and she could see perfectly well that it wasn't the first time. Then, as the husband was about to attack, he slashed the face - across, through the nose and vertically, tearing the hazel iris in two. Final blow down the spine. Hanayama did not fall. He stood like his fucking Otokodachi, to finally sit down with the utmost calm in his own blood. Baki was waiting nearby with a bottle of Wild Turkey. Before him knelt down the police general, the same one who had accepted the whiskey in his office. He fell face down in front of the mafioso, thanking him for the effort.

- Kaoru... - she sighed, coming up.

- What are you doing here? - he was surprised to see her next to him.

- The usual, Kaoru-san. She does everything her own way. - Shizuka replied, standing behind his back and placing her fingers with long nails on the man's temples. - The ambulance might not be on time and you will lose your eye. I'll improve your energy flow a little...

- What...

- What an incredible coincidence! - samurai said excitedly. - I am glad to see you, Kitsune. I suspect you know perfectly well how well I feel the bond between us.

- The more I regret that we meet in such and not other circumstances...great-grandfather. - Hanabi replied arrogantly.

She was a little sorry not to see Kaoru's face. Instead, she heard a muffled cry of surprise from Kizaki. In fact, not only his, because after a while a wave of whispers from the crowd started. At times like this, felt like she was watching a movie on TV thinking "well, no, like some fucking sitcom, just not funny at all."

- You are a vessel for Sakurai's soul, aren't you, child? - he asked, tucking his sword into the duvet cover. - I recognized immediately...you have a demon in your eyes. My beautiful demon.

He was going to touch her face, but she definitely pulled away. He will not charm her with sweet words. She had to buy enough time. Fortunately, relief has come.

- These aren't your time, you shouldn't be here. - Ayame said.

- Exorcist, healer, spirit guide... Kuko*, Tenko**, Byakko***... Beautiful and gifted I have children, right? Right?! - he turned as if to Hanayama and the police general. - One is missing. Where is... the devourer? Where's Kokko****?

An elderly woman, dressed rather strangely for her age, with furiously red nails, fell between them. Hanabi frowned. A special energy was emanating from her.

- Medium? - she was surprised.

- It looks. - Yui replied, standing next to the sisters, then bowed politely towards the samurai. - Hello, great-grandfather.

Hanabi felt not particularly well. She felt sick, dizzy at the same time, had spots in front of eyes, but surprisingly didn't lose balance. Tried to focus on the situation, but her head ran away somewhere far, beyond the limits of consciousness. Blood was bubbling through her veins, hitting every nook and cranny, making her feel terribly hot. She often got pissed off that she would "come out of herself and stand next to", and right now she wondered in horror whether it would actually come to that.

- Since my blood survived, I hope the dojo is as well. - Miyamoto asked with a charming smile.

- It's under my protection. - confirmed the master, placing her hand on the hilt of one of the swords.

- Lovely! You make me proud, really! - samurai applauded. - I'd love to stay with you longer!

Wasn't sure she heard it right, but he didn't seem to want to leave. So it remained to force him... but how? Another massive wave of nausea attacked, this time she staggered on her feet. Fortunately, Kaoru was right behind. She felt strong hands on shoulders, creating an incredibly warm feeling of security, but that didn't stop her body from reacting oddly. She leaned back on still-weakened husband, feeling that something was coming from her. She closed eyes and when opened them a woman was standing in front of her. Raven's hair, reaching the ground, was tied up with a jade ball, fuzzy white tails twisting beside it. Nine tails. On top of her head, she noticed cute, pointed ears. When the figure turned to face her, long earrings rang, and Hanabi saw... herself, only like ten years older. Dressed in a beautiful, slightly loose kimono with sleeves tied with blue strings and with tasteful, black okobo on the feet. Smiled radiantly at Hanabi, reaching with a delicate hand with long fingers to her face. She was too shocked to remove herself and for some reason didn't want to.

- Sakurai! My lovely wife! - Miyamoto crowed in delight. - My Kitsune...

- SILENCE! - she snapped at him ferociously, not taking the crowd of onlookers at all. - I'm extremely disappointed in you, Musashi. With pain and disgust, I think of you as my husband. If I could, I'd get a posthumous divorce!

- But the flowers of my heart...

- Do you know how much shame I have eaten because of you?! The goddess Amaterasu herself graced me with her presence to REQUEST your return! - the inexorable fox screamed. - You'll be on your knees begging forgiveness forever, I swear to you. You must appear in the Golden Palace IMMEDIATELY!

- Sakurai... dearest...

- Pray that Amaterasu-sama doesn't sell you to a brothel. Or I. - she hissed, then turned much more gently to the tall blonde. - Kuko, darling, please do an exorcism. Let that old fool go back where he belongs.

- Of course, great-grandmother. - Ayame agreed.

- I would love to stay with you a bit longer, my children, but there's no chance. And as for you... - she muttered, walking gracefully to Hanabi. - Enjoy your life, Byakko.

Mrs. Hanayama was still in severe shock, not knowing what was going on, and the tall woman wrapped her arms around to blend in with her body. She took a deep breath. She felt good again. Meanwhile, the eldest sister muttered a prayer under her breath and snapped fingers. The samurai spirit flew away and body was burned to ashes. The witch froze in shock. It probably came as a shock to her as well. Surprisingly quickly her resonance returned.

- Impressive...

- You think we'll leave you without consequences? - Ayame asked rhetorically. - What you did was shameful. Hundreds of people died!

- What can you guys do? Well, I listen?! - the woman chuckled. - But you can't, blonde, chase the soul from the still alive body! Nor is it possible to take away an ability!

- I am heartily fed up with you. - Hanabi whispered hard as she approached her. - You've done enough. We collect toys...

- Oh, no, no, no, honey. - The red-haired girl interjected, standing by her. - This isn't a good idea.

- Shizuka is right, you will lose the body. - The blonde supported her. - It's too much of a risk.

- Hanabi, what are you planning? - Kaoru asked anxiously.

- She is going to throw herself off balance to take away the witch's ability to use her powers. - Yui explained dryly. - And that almost certainly amounts to losing your flesh.

- No... NO! - her husband tried to stop her, but she broke away. - You can't!

- The problem won't end without it. I can't believe she won't do it again... - she replied quietly.

She approached a woman who still doubted the success of her plan. She was quite the opposite. She knew how to do it, though she wasn't sure where from. As if it has been in her for a long time, a bit like riding a bicycle, when we learn as children, then we don't have time, and as adults...we get on and go. She placed a hand on the woman's forehead, staring the light green irises straight into her unwavering eyes. Hanabi was losing touch with the world, hearing nothing but the flow, swift as water in a waterfall. She felt an enormous mass of energy running through every cell, every vein, every ankle. The witch consciously and very skillfully opened her chakras, trying to saturate her. But she wasn't going to be stifled. Thanks to the flowing chi, she found her way to the weave of interest. She closed it and blocked it. There was no way anyone else would open it. She painfully felt her return to the ground. Her whole body felt as if it were a pile of stones.

- Sabuko-onee-sama*****! - she heard a screech that made her ears ache. - Onee-sama!

She turned on her heel, tired and in pain. The owner of the Arena ran towards them, in traditional clothes as usual. The witch was in a mute shock. Only Tokugawa's arms woke her from lethargy.

- She locked it... b...blocked it... - she whispered in horror. - I... I don't hear anything. No souls...

So his sister. Yeah. It couldn't be that accidental or supernatural. Real life is neither a cartoon, nor a movie, nor a comic book. She felt dizzy again, something warm under her nose. Her knees felt as if she had come home after a very tiring day and wanted to lie down so badly. The last thing she heard before she fell into her husband's arms was Kizaki's terrified scream.

- Hanabi-sama!

>>><<<

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The mere fact of Miyamoto's return to life was madness enough, shortly afterwards a white fox emerged from his wife's body, and the icing on the cake was Hanabi's ability to block energy in the chakras. Everything seemed to be back to normal, he was even feeling pretty good. Whatever Shizuka has done, she has done it brilliantly. He wanted to hug his beloved, whisper that everything would be fine, they could go home, and in the same second she fell into his arms as if had lost contact with her body. Thick, dark blood was leaking from her tiny, upturned nose. It wasn't looking good. He looked at the sisters-in-law. They shook their heads. There was nothing they could do. Only Yui walked over to them, knelt down, chattering with two katanas, and grasped her sister's bright hand. Even that didn't help. Yang couldn't hold her Yin. He looked into the green eyes he loved so much.

- Kaoru... - she muttered softly.

- You can't leave me. - he whispered, leaning forward.

- Sorry to put you on a fait accompli. Don't worry too much. - she sighed heavily, reaching for sliced face. - I'll find a way to get back to you, I swear. After all, I promised to be your dragon, right? Whatever...whatever is left of me, give it to nature. Please.

- No, Hanabi...I will not give you to anyone.

- How stubborn you are! - she laughed with tears in her eyes, and after a while rest her head gently on his torso, as if was falling asleep; he heard her soft, fading voice - "I need a gangster to love me better than all the others do... To always forgive me, ride or die with me. That's just what gangsters do"******.

- ...Hana...

The slender body collapsed in his arms, and after a while, with a gust of wind, it dissolved into the sea of white and pink petals of Japanese cherries. His heart skipped a painful tear. The love of his life was gone, and there was nothing he could do. She died in his arms and she breathed her last. It felt as if the meaning of existence had gone with her. Hanayama had no idea what to do with himself. He felt a presence behind his back.

- Boss... I'm so sorry... - Kizaki whispered.

- Weird. - Yui muttered, wiping her face. - I thought I would...feel like she's gone. And I still feel like she's standing next to.

He barely heard what she said, stunned by his own thoughts. After a while, however, realized that he smelled a familiar scent. Subtle, barely perceptible... It might as well be a pile of Sakura petals that she had left behind, at least some of which he was going to take. However, he didn't think any type of cherry smelled like yuzu. She loved yuzu. A good pile of pink and white scraps has gathered near him. For a moment it seemed to him that the pile was gently moving. Finally something sneezed, making them fly. Tiny, white, fluffy, with a long tail. The shapely-eared fox brushed the fragrant petals off the tiny head, completely ignoring human existence. He gulped down at his nearest sister-in-law and the other two who were coming up with curiosity.

- Hanabi...is that you? - he asked incredulously.

The animal, hearing the name, turned to him and looked sadly with wise, light green eyes that looked like two large, shiny stones. She curled up inside herself, wrapping one ponytail around her paws.

- And where are the other tails? - Ayame whispered in surprise.

- Oh, you're so cute! - Shizuka squealed, holding out her hands. - Come on, I'll ruff your ear!

The fox looked at him again with pained eyes, lowering tail sadly, then turned and started to run away. He couldn't let her do that. Not after what he experienced. What they both experienced. Besides, she promised to find a way, and he made it a point of honor to defend what she had left behind. He grabbed gently under her belly so as not to accidentally damage skinny limbs. She tried to get away, but to no avail.

- Silly of you, the house is in a completely different direction. - he replied with a half-mouth smile.

In response, foxy stood on hind legs, cuddling tail. She looked suggestive as if to say, "Look what's left of me! It's just pathetic! Do you want THAT wife?" Silly one. He ran a finger lightly through shiny fur.

- Have you forgotten what I promised you? "In health and in sickness"...

Big bright eyes drowned in tears as she climbed over his shoulder to gently touch her paws over his cut cheek and lick her coarse tongue as if she wanted to shower him with kisses. They've survived a lot, and they'll be fine with it.

It seemed to him that this time he was in the hospital longer than before. Or maybe he just took a long time? They didn't let her stay, "such rules", had to wait. They broke a hundred needles on him, they spilled hectoliters of blood, even the eye was doing quite well. Utsumi demanded that they do everything to make him survive. He mentally thanked him a hundred times for it. Needed to be back as soon as possible, but chained to the bed had its advantages: he could think for a moment about what was happening, and what can in future. Don't think he wanted to know what his father-in-law thought about the fact that his youngest daughter, the apple of daddy's eye, got stuck in the body of a tiny fox. Still not solved the mystery of the bomber, the funds thief, Hanabi was at a standstill with the Wu Song building. One of the few pluses: the dojo problem postponed until she returns. He realized that she had wanted to help him so many times, however, and he hadn't given her an option. He pushed her away, didn't initiate in many matters "for her sake". Another thing was that in the end she pressed herself in front of each time. He felt guilty, some part of his existence insisted that he made her feel brought to extremes.

After two weeks, they finally allowed him to leave. He buttoned up his purple shirt, skillfully tied tie, threw a white jacket over shoulders, pushed glasses up on nose. In front of the hospital door, a black, glistening Mercedes was waiting for him as standard, and a Kizaki bowing at the waist. He opened the door. There was something waiting in the dark car seat. A pair of bright eyes. She raised pointed ears, waved tail cheerfully at the sight of him, and as soon as he sat down next to her, she jumped on his lap, making herself comfortable. He barely noticed the shiny purple ribbon tied around the skinny neck. The car started moving, and he gently ran his hand through the white fur, feeling a long tail fall down his legs, moving steadily left and right. Finally they went home.

~ THE END ~

…or not!

____________________

* Kuko Kitsune - air fox, of the genus Zenko (good foxes), living 3000 years old, considered a fox deity

**Tenko Kitsune - heavenly fox of the genus Zenko, living over 1000 years

***Byakko Kitsune - white fox, of the Zenko genus, strongly connected with the spiritual world, friendly to people, bringing luck

**** Kokko Kitsune - black fox, of the genus Zenko, comes from Chinese culture and is the embodiment of the North Star

*****Onee-sama - honorary designation of an older sister or a person towards whom we have similar feelings

******Kehlani "Gangsta"

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butterflydm · 1 year

Text

wot reread: the gathering storm (chapter 26-33)

spoilers for the gathering storm

1. Genuinely so ridiculous that I’m meant to believe that Aviendha didn’t go talk to Rand after The Event of the last section. It’s not like the Wise Ones have forbidden it or anything! yep, @markantonys - Aviendha thinks here that she ~dismissed Rand’s pain~ last night as a nightmare and I just... this does not seem believable to me on any level and just sounds like an excuse not to have her in the scene.

2. Anyway, after a month of Min completely ignoring this situation and taking advantage of Aviendha's avoidance of Rand (because she is inherently a selfish and jealous person who should NOT be in any kind of poly-adjacent relationship*), she’s decided to talk to Aviendha. But even now, Min is here because of “me me ME” reasons and not actually any genuine concern about Aviendha -- she wants someone to complain about Rand to, because she feels like he doesn’t trust her anymore. Maybe you should try being trustworthy, Min.

*I will note here that there's nothing wrong with Min being monogamous! That is 100% not the issue. The issue is that she KNEW she was unhappy with the idea of sharing her boyfriend with other people and yet actively chased after and seduced someone that she KNEW already was going to be involved with two other women! She knew! And yet she CAUSED the situation that makes her miserable out of her belief that since her prophecies are inevitable, she might as well actively try to hurt herself using them. And that's just... I'm sorry, that's just a stupid choice for her to make and I feel zero pity over all her ~internal suffering~ over this situation that SHE CREATED for herself (and again, Mat does the exact same thing with Tuon but his situation is even more frustrating because at least Min was set up as this character who believes so deeply in her own infallibility that she traps herself into her own unhappiness -- Mat was NOT set up as that character but inexplicably becomes just like Min when ~the moment~ arrives). Min would, otoh, probably be very happy in a relationship with someone like Perrin, who would be eager to focus on her to the exclusion of everything else in the world.

3. Min says she was ~worried~ when Aviendha didn’t come talk to her when she first arrived here with the rest of the Aiel. lol, liar. You were relieved you didn’t have to share Rand yet. I read your PoVs earlier in the book! Anyway, Min soon reveals that her true worry was that Aviendha might challenge her for Rand (...has everyone forgotten the shared confession & bonding?), and when Aviendha is basically like ‘lol I would only fight someone if they actually have skill at fighting’ (and Elayne asked her to be nice to Min, so she’s doing her best, lol), Min gets offended and tries to show off her ~knife flourishing skills~ which just makes Aviendha even more dubious that she has any real skill at all. “Why was it that wetlanders always showed off such flourishes with their knives? Thom Merrillin had been prone to that as well. Didn’t Min understand that Aviendha could have slit the woman’s throat thrice over during the time it took to flash that knife like a street performer?” Like... it’s not a competition, but it’s clear that if there ever WAS any competition between Min & either of the other two girls, Min would get smoked in a heartbeat.

Maybe that’s why Min remains so insecure and jealous, even when she’s the one in Rand’s bed. She knows that she only ‘wins’ her precious private non-sharing time with Rand because the other two are staying away right now for personal reasons.

4. The conversation with Min does annoy/frustrate Aviendha to the point of stalking away from her latest punishment from the Wise Ones. She sees Rand, who actually raises a hand and clearly wants to speak with her (I guess the events of last night woke him out of his month-long apathy?), and Aviendha lets herself get ANGRY over how unfair the situation is. Min “gets what [she] wish[es]” and Aviendha only gets punishments even while the day when the man she loves dies is coming closer and closer. She confronts the Wise Ones, and is told that her unwillingness to accept the unfair punishments that they are giving her is the sign that she is ready for the final test of becoming a Wise One and going to Rhuidean. ...and of course, Aviendha leaves without saying goodbye to Rand. They exchanged a SINGLE WORD in A WHOLE MONTH. That is so frustrating. Why was Aviendha even in Rand’s plotline if she had zero impact on it?

5. Here’s my opinion on what should have happened with Aviendha (though, obviously, my guesses are entirely my own): there was zero indication before this book that Aviendha needed to be a Wise One to romance Rand? In fact, her romancing Rand as an apprentice was ENCOURAGED by the Wise Ones back in The Fires of Heaven. So, cut out all that nonsense about her not having enough honor to hang out with Rand. Aviendha should have gotten private/personal time with Rand. This also should have been a time when Aviendha and Min actually learned each other as people instead of avoiding each other for a month. And, big change: Aviendha should have been studying Callandor because she literally can touch magic objects (ter’angreal) and detect what sort of magic (weaves) they do! I will die on this hill, lol. Aviendha working past her cultural taboos about swords to touch Callandor to help Rand & save the world sounds like it would have been a more engaging struggle to read about than her enduring endless punishments from the Wise Ones, at least for me. And it would even fit into a similar theme -- Aviendha standing up to the others and saying “To save the world, it is worth me doing this thing that breaks our taboos” could also have been something to serve as a trigger for the Wise Ones to say “yes, you have proven that you will stand up for yourself as a Wise One should”. It's so frustrating that Aviendha has a Talent that was used really only one time in the entire series despite... obviously being very useful.

6. Alternatively: do Aviendha’s plotline in another location. Because having Aviendha in Rand’s plotline and yet not actually intersect it at all is just silly.

7. At least Mat IS still heading north, even if it’s at an annoyingly slow pace. Slaver princess has made it all the way back to Ebou Dar (a distance that took them two books to cover) and he’s still in bloody Altara! Mat whines about the Aes Sedai not letting him go to the village on his own. Yeah, they don’t trust you. For good reason. You can’t DO untrustworthy things and then still expect people to trust you. (my issues with pod!Mat from Crossroads onward really are pretty similar to my issues with Min - the constant whining about the consequences of their own actions). You sheltered, protected, and defended the woman who wants to enslave them. Of course they don’t trust you anymore!

8. One of Mat’s first thoughts when he’s talking to Thom about rescuing Moiraine is how Rand will react to seeing her alive. Aw. That’s sweet! Mat can occasionally still make me feel An Emotion that isn’t related to irritation. That’s nice. It’s nice to see that a tiny hint of pre-CoT Mat still survives in there. We get him thinking about Rand again a couple of pages later, fretting over his missing hand and worrying about him. He tries to convince himself that he’s glad to be well away from Rand, and this moment does capture, I think, that vibe of Mat loudly lying to himself in his own head. This moment is the first time that Mat has really felt like MAT is a long while. He defends Rand instinctively here when Thom tries to insult him, flaring up very protectively.

9. Mat thinks here that he’s not a hero, just a fool. And, at this point in the book series, I agree with him. He IS a fool now, and certainly no hero.

10. Thom’s speech here about the Wheel and people reminds me of what Moiraine said in the show to Logain: “The Wheel is not hope, and the Wheel does not care, the Wheel simply is. But as long as it turns, folk may hope, folk may care.” vs Moiraine’s - “The Wheel doesn’t want things. It’s people that want.”

11. And Thom joins the gang of going “lol Mat is married” and not caring about the kind of the person that he’s married to. I mean, Mat’s wife literally would put a collar around the neck of the woman that Thom is currently trying to rescue, but apparently that doesn’t matter at all to Thom. He doesn’t care that Tuon would strip Moiraine of her name, of her dignity, of her sense of self. Tuon’s quality as a person doesn’t matter at all, just that he gets to laugh at Mat for ~acting married~.

12. We also come back here to something that I find annoying: the implication that marriage just changes you as a person, all on its own, even in the absence of your spouse or any good qualities on their part! Wedding vows are a magic spell! I don’t think that the show will play the marriage that way (if we get there), because the show has already shown an awareness with Mat’s parents’ marriage that marriage doesn’t magically make irresponsible people responsible or cruel people kind. Marriage is a specific legal way of forming a relationship, but it’s the relationship itself that defines the marriage and the people in it. Mat showed plenty of responsibility BEFORE he ever Said The Words to Tuon (in fact, he Said The Words while he was in the middle of committing a crime of deep responsibility and saving people from slavery) and Thom should know that. Thom has witnessed some of Mat’s greatest acts of responsibility. He should know better than anyone (except Rand) that Mat has ALWAYS lied about not being a responsible person. This is not a new thing that has been brought about by the mystical influence of marriage vows.

12. Mat wants to know where Rand is! ...so that he knows where to avoid, of course, lol. Oh, Mat. It feels like it’s been a while since I said “Oh, Mat” in a fond way instead of an irritated way. “I feel like I’ve been traveling through a tunnel for months now, with no sight or sound of the outside world.” Yeah, abusive relationships can thrive when they’re able to take root at times when the person is isolated from their other meaningful relationships, and when they’re deeply vulnerable. And now Tuon’s hooks are deep into Mat, unfortunately. That's such a depressing sentence but it also shows a clear awareness of the type of relationship that Mat is in with Tuon so... idk. That's interesting.

13. Honestly, given that Mat has already let Tuon normalize slavery for Olver, I don’t see how hanging out with the Band can ‘corrupt’ him any worse than that.

14. Hinderstap itself is an interesting enough horror-eske town but it’s just annoying how much it further delays Mat getting back to the main storyline. It’s hard for me to be invested when I want Mat to interact with people that I already know and care about rather than complete randoms. I kinda feel like that’s all I really have to say about this whole section. I feel like I would have a lot more patience for this if it were coming directly after Winter’s Heart, as Mat was originally escaping Ebou Dar, but I’m just so annoyed with the side quest vibes of the ~Mat and Tuon Pointless Circus Journey~ that it bleeds over into just wanting him the FUCK out of Altara already.

I've spent a lot of time during this reread trying to figure out where exactly the hitch was that slowed everything down in the writing and I kinda have it narrowed down to Mat or Perrin. Egwene's timeline is flexible -- Jordan could have said it needed less than a month for her to gather supplies before Traveling directly to Tar Valon (Gawyn's timeline was wholly dependent on Egwene's). So, Egwene isn't the problem. Elayne's also could have been given earlier inciting incidents to wrap up sooner (she spends a lot of time just waiting for the other side to do something too), so she wasn't causing the slowdown. Rand was literally sitting around a mansion waiting for a whole month for the Seanchan to reply to his messages. Nynaeve is just attached to Rand's storyline at this point and not helming her own.

And as much as Perrin's storyline bored/frustrated me at times... his timeline is also flexible, like Egwene's is -- there was no specific need for Faile to spend two months captive. She was captive as long as she was because Perrin's rescue of her involved the Seanchan and his slaver BFF Tylee is the person who proves to Tuon that Trollocs really exist... and Tylee can't do that if Tuon isn't back in Ebou Dar.

We were waiting on the Seanchan domino to fall before anything else could happen. Mat and Tuon's storyline is the one that bogged everyone else down logistically, in CoT & KoD. Both Perrin and Rand, especially, have to wait until Tuon is on the cusp of returning to Ebou Dar before their plotlines can progress. The Mat and Tuon enemies-to-spouses speedrun novella is what made everything else slow down to a crawl during CoT/KoD. Looking at the logistics, that's what makes the most sense to me. Jordan DID realize that he needed to do his best to make Mat and Tuon believable in order for the endgame of the story to work, so he invested a lot of time into it. imo he failed. But he put everyone else on pause while he forced the square peg into the round hole so that at least they LOOKED like they fit together, for now. (it's just that his solution was to carve out pieces of Mat so that Tuon would fit -- snip away his independence here, trim off his objections to slavery there, shave away his feelings about nobles abusing their power, etc -- and that's why the end result felt like a failure to me, because CoT/KoD Mat didn't feel like MAT to me).

15. There is another good moment here when Mat is talking about how running away doesn’t actually help and he bitterly says that he wishes everything would go bother Rand (prompting another vision) and then admits to Thom that he doesn’t mean it and that he doesn’t believe that Rand likes all the horrible things either. (also, for all that the narrative keeps trying to tell us that the “three ta’veren boys” are the ones connected through the visions, Mat and Rand have a MUCH higher ratio of thinking of/having visions of each other than either of them does with Perrin; and Perrin is very good at quickly dismissing any thoughts of them without dwelling for paragraphs).

I’m honestly still puzzled at how Mat knows that the woman in Rand’s bed is Min. He’s been in the same city as her only twice in the entire book series (both very early on and not for a long period of time) and never got a proper introduction - one of those times was Baerlon and the other time was in Falme and they might not have ever seen each other at all that time, since we know Mat & co left before Rand ever woke up and Min was hovering very possessively over Rand during that time. It’s honestly not confirmed that Mat EVER saw her at all before he ‘recognized’ her in his visions of Rand having sex with her.

(this is not a Sanderson thing -- Mat was able to instantly recognize Min in his visions back in CoT/KoD as well).

I think I may have mentioned this before, but I suspect that in some original version of Lord of Chaos, Mat and Min’s paths actually crossed in Caemlyn rather than them missing each other by three days. But Mat being able to recognize Min instantly in his rainbow ta’veren visions feels off because Jordan was normally impressively good at keeping in mind what the characters actually knew about each other. Because even if Mat did see her in Falme, Min has changed her look up a lot! Her previously straight and super-short hair is now in ringlets that she curls daily (...which I have my suspicions is because Elayne has natural curls and Min is VERY competitive), and while she’s still wearing trousers, the TYPE has changed drastically. Back in EOTW, her clothing was simply described as “she wore a man’s shirt and trousers” but now her shirts are cut low to show cleavage and her breeches are so tight that she has trouble pulling them on and she wears boots so tall that it adds a pronounced sway to her walk. That’s drastically different than just “a man’s shirt and trousers”. She used to wear practical clothes and now she’s basically doing her own episode of Project Runway every day.

Here’s the quote from EotW where Rand tells Mat about Min:

After a while he found himself telling Mat about Min.

“A dagger with a ruby, eh?” Mat said. “I like that. I don’t know about the eye, though. Are you sure she wasn’t making it up? It seems to me she would know what it all means if she really is a soothsayer.”

“She didn’t say she’s a soothsayer,” Rand said. “I believe she does see things. Remember, Moiraine was talking to her when we finished our baths. And she knows who Moiraine is.”

And then the conversation moves on to Moiraine. The conversation was focused on Min’s abilities and not her looks.

Then in TGH:

“Gone.” Min’s face colored. “They’re all gone. Egwene and Nynaeve, and Mat, and Hurin, and Verin.”

That’s the only time that Min and Mat would have potentially actually met and Mat was, well, not exactly himself. Min did see the Horn of Valere, so she may have met Mat during that time. Once, briefly, lol.

Per TDR, Mat was so sick during the journey to Tar Valon that he’s unconscious for days at a time. And, of course, when he does finally wake up, he has those famous holes in his memory that he becomes desperate to fill. Mat and Min do not know each other! Potentially briefly when one of them was so sick that he lost almost all his memories of that time does not count as ‘knowing each other’. They know OF each other (because of Rand), but they do not know each other.

16. Definitely out of character for Joline to call Mat ‘Matrim’. She’s never done it before and she wouldn’t taint herself by calling him the same name that the slaver woman calls him anyway.

17. Mat does mention here that the worse things get and the more tragic his life is, the more he feels the urge to try to laugh it away. I feel like that ties back into Mat’s hysterical laughter at the end of Crossroads of Twilight when Tuon has made herself grand-captain-owner of the circus or whatever and he’s feeling well and truly trapped by her but... yeah. It’s just... frustrating. The entire Mat and Tuon ‘relationship’ rests on the foundation of Mat straight-up ignoring the majority of Tuon’s personality in order to focus on the tiny bits of her that aren’t a toxic horror show and force himself into loving those teeny-tiny non-trash parts of her, but it also feels like that text only ever glancingly acknowledges that this is what he’s doing? So it just all feels super weird that the narration tries really hard to ignore (in Mat PoV) that he’s married to a slaver (and not just by Mat! By the other characters too!) but in Tuon's PoV, it’s clear how deeply that part of her is foundational to her personality and her life choices. It’s jarring but in a way that doesn’t feel... intentional? I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But I’m going to keep that “the worse things get for me personally, the more I laugh about it” note in mind as we continue with Mat.

18. imo, the main part where Sanderson falls down here in comparison to Jordan is not in Mat’s characterization (Mat’s character was thoroughly trashed in CoT & KoD already; frankly, there have been genuine moments in this section of TGS where I have actually Kinda Liked Mat Again, something that I was beginning to doubt would ever happen after CoT & KoD crushed my affection for him out of me) -- but in the absence in the text so far of Juilin, Amathera, Egeanin, etc. Jordan was... and I really do wish that he’d left more notes behind on the Seanchan, because I DESPERATELY wish that I knew what was going on in his brain... even as the Mat & Tuon storyline was... a horrific waste of potential... Jordan had the secondary characters basically doing the storyline that Tuon SHOULD have been doing. And that secondary storyline is something that we have lost here -- with Juilin and Amathera, with Egeanin and Doman, with Aludra, and with the two remaining ex-sul’dam. The Aes Sedai still exist here as part of Mat’s story, as well as Thom, Talmanes, and Olver, but the rest of the secondary characters have faded into being fully background characters, at least for now. And given that in CoT & KoD Jordan stripped all the anti-slavery sentiment out of Mat’s character and only let it exist in the secondary characters, that means that any anti-slavery sentiment is now entirely gone from Mat’s storyline. I feel like this was probably more an artifact of trying to focus on “the main story” rather than any other intentions, but I feel the loss of it.

19. Rand’s List (of Women he has gotten killed that reminds him Never Kill Women) is running through his head, featuring such hits as:

Moiraine, who ‘died’ entirely because Rand refuses to kill women

a woman who was literally trying to kill him

the woman who sold him to the White Tower for a crown

an actual Forsaken who was actively trying to force him to murder his girlfriend

20. Rand wonders here if Lanfear is alive again, the way that Ishamael is alive as Moridin, making Moiraine’s sacrifice mean nothing. “The list would remain, but he would never again be too weak to do what must be done”. *hums thoughtfully*

21. Rand’s paranoia is starting to touch even people who haven’t ever hidden things from him, like Dobraine (...hey, wait, if Dobraine is here, then who is running Cairhien right now? Wasn’t he in charge of Cairhien? yeah, it mentions here that he was recently Steward of Cairhien. I do not remember Dobraine being sent off to Arad Doman. Did that happen in KoD and my brain just skipped over it?). lol, Rand’s revisionist history here about “mostly” trusting Moiraine. You “mostly” did not trust her, bro. I was there. This is retroactive trust based on the fact that she ‘died’ for you.

22. lol, Cadsuane is trailing along behind Rand’s group, making sure to stay out of sight in order to Technically be following his threat to her. Rand is basically just like “yeah fine, as long as she doesn’t try to bother me, whatever”. He did take back the Choden Kal that she’d stolen from him. I’m assuming he took back anything else she might have stolen too.

23. Min gets to be added to Rand’s Fridged Ladies list even though she’s still alive! Why is that so funny to me? Also, sheesh, Rand, tell LTT to at least call her by her preferred name. Seriously, though, if nearly killing Min traumatized Rand (which I agree that it SHOULD have done) then... she absolutely should not still be in the same city as him and definitely not in the same bed. Rand not sending Min away to somewhere he deems ‘safe’ would be very very out of character (though this isn't new with Rand & Min). He NEARLY KILLED HER. He shouldn’t want her anywhere near him, in case he actually DOES kill her the next time. But Min has nowhere else to go and nothing to contribute, so she’ll probably stay in Rand’s storyline for now, despite it making zero sense.

The way that it’s justified in Rand’s plotline here is that he’s “stopped caring”. Not about Min, per se, just about whether or not Min dies because of his actions. Seems like a distinction without a difference, but okay, lol. “If she died, he would add her to the list and suffer for it.”

The thing is... okay, I see what Sanderson is trying to do here -- showing that Rand’s nihilism is reaching the breaking point by using Min as the “he’s willing to risk even Min’s death because he no longer sees escaping death as possible or even desirable” marker line but the problem is that Rand was ALREADY dragging Min into dangerous situations even before the event with Semirhage. Like, he was keeping Min in his bed while avoiding Aviendha. He took Min to the cleansing and to Far Madding to kill the traitors even while trying to limit how much danger would come to Elayne or Aviendha. He let Min ‘talk’ him into taking her to the meeting with ‘the Daughter of the Nine Moons’. So there’s already a precedent of Rand being willing to risk Min’s dying on his account, so the change is not as striking as it would be if he were thinking this about Elayne, Aviendha, or his dad, or literally ANY of the Two Rivers’ soldiers who came along with Perrin in LoC, all of whom he has been avoiding to try to protect them. This is basically the same thing that Jordan did with Rand and Min SEVERAL times, where Rand has ~hardened himself~ yet again but is always ~too weak and soft~ to send Min away. I think this exact scenario happens at least three or four times in the series, lol.

24. Now this conversation with Merise, where Rand is cold and quiet (and thinking deeply disturbing things about why get worked up about people annoying him if he can just ~snuff them out like a candle~ if they bother him too much) much more effectively conveys Rand’s shift in mindstate, imo. Rand is deeply right at that intersection of scary/sexy, where he projects being cold and ruthless yet is still... on the side of the good guys. But in a way that is somewhat worrisome. Sure, he’s definitely still planning to save the world... but how much of the world would he let burn in the name of ‘the ends justify the means’?

25. Oooh, Rand is carrying the sa’angreal as a way of distracting himself from wanting to reach out to the True Power again. He thinks here how the Dark One was originally rediscovered as a limitless source of power. Now that he’s used the True Power, it’s a temptation to use it again, so he’s using the additional temptation of near-limitless saidin at his fingertips to help trap him between the two so that he won’t use either of them. That’s clever -- it reminds me of how he played the evil of Shadar Logoth against the evil of the Dark One.

26. Rand thinking fiercely here about how he “would not be collared again” which mirrors Egwene thinking about it during her last dinner with Elaida when Elaida was dismissing the danger of the Seanchan. Mirrors! Foils! Why doesn’t the narrative ever let Rand directly identify with the people who share so much in common with him? (again, a frustration that dates back into the Jordan books)

27. Hmm, Rand misses Aviendha, and wishes she hadn’t avoided him during their shared month in Arad Doman, but thinks that it’s probably better that she left, so that Rand won’t. You know. Accidentally kill her or be the reason she gets killed. The exact thing that he’s given up on worrying about re: Min, in other words. “His enemies didn’t know of her yet.” (which is implied is the real reason that Rand didn’t try to bridge the gap between them when they were all together). But the only reason that your enemies know about Min is because you publicly parade her around as your mistress, so that kinda seems like it’s on you. Again it’s... that same weird dynamic comes up where Rand expresses his love for EVERYONE ELSE (Aviendha, Elayne, his father, literally all the Two Rivers’ soldiers) by trying to stay away from them, but he’s given up on trying to ‘protect’ Min and just figures he’ll ~add her to the list~ if he gets her killed/unintentionally kills her. Rand’s protectiveness hasn’t changed! This is exactly what he was doing before the Event with Semirhage! It’s not that he’s any colder when it comes to the people he cares about; it’s that he’s always been willing to risk Min’s life.

(again: I don’t even think that this attitude of his is healthy! I think he should be willing to let the people he cares about make their own choices about the risks they choose but! the contrast between how he treats the other people he loves vs Min is... just weird, especially since she’s much more vulnerable/helpless than either Aviendha or Elayne, or his father and the Two Rivers’ soldiers, for that matter. The most helpless one is also the one that he feels the least willpower to actually protect. It’s SUCH a strange dynamic. Like, if Min and Rand’s relationship had been outed due to no choice of their own, so Rand was just rolling with the consequences of that, that would be one thing, but he was literally parading her around in public and she was ~famous~ in Cairhien for being in his bed. like, the only reason that their relationship is public is because they chose to make it that way -- again, the obvious contrast is Min saying how it’s smart that Elayne tore down his banners, so that the Forsaken would be less likely to go after Elayne as Rand’s love, and Rand reluctantly agreeing with that logic. Elayne and Aviendha are to be protected from Rand’s enemies, but Min has practically been held out as bait - and, like, if that were a deliberate strategy, that would be one thing and potentially very clever as long as Min DID have a secret way of protecting herself (like Mat's medallion, for example, lol), but it’s clear in both Rand and Min’s thoughts that this is NOT a deliberate strategy so all it does is make it look like Rand subconsciously has already written off Min as dead and thus expendable -- I mean, now she’s even already on his list of Dead Ladies!)

28. (Rand does wonder here if “Min’s presence” had kept Aviendha away during their month together -- again, no thoughts about... you know. That big group Bonding? Apparently not. They all confessed their love to him at the same time and said they would share him, but Rand shows no memory of this event, lol)

29. While Rand is definitely having some very concerning moments here re: ruthless calculus of war and all that... he’s not wrong that Graendal needs to die by balefire in order to ensure that she won’t pop up again later to be a continuing issue. Ruthless!Rand makes some good points, is all I’m saying.

30. Ah, we get a nice reminder that Taringail was an awful person -- one of the few bits of ~fatherly advice~ that he gave Galad in Gawyn’s hearing was “never trust Aes Sedai” and “never trust pretty women” (and definitely never trust a woman who is both). It is a TRADITION for the Daughter-Heirs of Andor to be sent to the White Tower to get training, even if the vast majority of them never reach the level of Aes Sedai or even Accepted/Novice. This sounds like him trying to alienate Galad (and Gawyn as a bonus) from Morgase tbh, and to alienate him from the culture of Andor in general, which is a matriarchal monarchy that historically maintains friendly relations with Tar Valon.

31. ...I feel like the story/hints we’ve gotten about Taringail’s death is that Thom killed him because he was planning to assassinate Morgase in order to take the throne of Andor himself? Trying to sell all this to Galad does seem like he was grooming Galad to accept the idea of himself as Taringail’s heir rather than Elayne as Morgase’s heir. Can’t trust pretty women; can’t trust Aes Sedai... but the queen is a very pretty woman who trained in Tar Valon? Taringail was 100% trying to poison Galad against Morgase (and he failed to make Galad hate MORGASE but maybe planted seeds about mistrusting Aes Sedai in general, seeds that later blossomed into, well. Being a Whitecloak).

32. Ah, Gawyn is in the same trap here than he was back in the White Tower after Elayne, Egwene, & Nynaeve had disappeared -- growing increasingly frustrated because everyone refuses to give him any information. Honestly, you’d think that Siuan would see the signs here that she saw last time and throw him a bone, considering how poorly keeping him out of the loop went last time. He does compare Egwene’s rise to power here to his mother’s - a young woman proving that she had the political grit to win everyone’s respect. That's sweet.

33. Gawyn is SO STUBBORN (haha you'd almost think he was from the Two Rivers). Even now, he insists on believing that Rand is the cause of all his troubles, and he’s still trying to straddle the fence between two loyalties -- he came to ‘help’ Egwene but not Egwene’s forces (even though he does admit to himself now that they ARE her forces), just as he promised not to hurt Rand himself but not to help him avoid being hurt by others. Ah, Bryne brings the “who do you serve?” question back around to Gawyn, pointing out the flaws in his thinking -- are you still First Prince of the Sword if you’re nowhere near Andor and your sister, the (almost) Queen? What will you do if you ‘rescue’ Egwene and she refuses to quit the field of battle to come to Caemlyn with you? So, you know. He’s got a lot to think about.

34. For all that Cadsuane is complaining about the Domani here, they sound much more sensible than the people in Ebou Dar -- instead of constant duels that frequently end in scars or death, people just shout at each other for a while, and then come to terms and buy each other drinks. “Fights were common; bloodshed infrequent. Injuries were bad for business”. Cadsuane doesn’t understand the innkeeper who works here, though she appreciates him as one of her contacts, but honestly his relationship with his wife sounds really sweet -- he keeps the books for her business as a silk merchant and because of her popularity as a merchant, they’ve made enough money where he’s able to open a ‘hobby inn’, essentially, where he does all the serving and cleaning himself while she does the ‘big business’ for the family. Ah, he’s a good contact because one of his daughters went to the White Tower (Brown Ajah; works in the library... we don’t know her current status).

35. Ah, a purpose of this chapter is to show us that Rand’s ta’veren luck twisting is now predominately negative rather than being a balance of positive and negative. The bad is now happening without the good to balance it. We also get a reminder here that apparently no one on Rand’s side has been told that the change in weather was the Wondergirls and not the Dark One, as Cadsuane blames both the drought and the sudden change to cold winter on the Dark One. I guess that’s another thing that Nynaeve could have told Rand but never got around to doing.

36. “Min had resisted every attempt that Cadsuane had made at involving her.” Okay, that is a hilarious sentence. That’s so untrue! That is rewriting history! Min was fully willing to be Cadsuane’s mood ring for Rand, fully willing to spill out Rand’s trauma to Cadsuane -- Min is the whole reason that Cadsuane knows about “the times he had been beaten and caged by Aes Sedai”. Like, Jordan also didn’t own the fact that Min is textually a blabbermouth but... Min is a blabbermouth. She’s also literally the ONLY reason that Cadsuane was allowed to stick around Rand for this long -- which Cadsuane knows (because Min TOLD HER, lol). However, I will note that Rand letting Aviendha avoid him for that month does mean that Cadsuane doesn’t appear to have any notion that the two of them are also entangled. That relationship does seem to be fairly well protected.

37. Rand is overseeing the grain distribution himself, because he’s noticed that it’s more likely to actually get to the people who need it if there’s direct oversight from him personally (though he wishes that weren’t the case). Rand learns from one of his Asha’man sent to try to negotiate another face-to-face meeting with the DotNM that they keep getting balked, with the implication being that the DotNM will refuse to meet on neutral territory (insisting on meeting on her stolen ‘home’ turf). Rand suggests they offer Falme as a meeting location, for ~historical significance~ and says that the Seanchan have enough honor that they won’t attack. I feel like he keeps forgetting that the Seanchan do not see channelers as people. You don’t need to honor an oath that you made to a chair. That being said, Falme is an interesting location for... intimidation reasons. “This is where I summoned dead champions to drive you into the sea” basically. Ah, Naeff tries to point out to Rand what I said -- that the Seanchan don’t look at Rand & the Asha’man as people but as potential slaves. Hmm, they do mention collars here again, which might just be them assuming that the Seanchan have more of the a’dam that can be used on men.

38. Thank you, Damer Flinn! “Differences?” Flinn asked. “I don’t think I’d rightly call that a difference, my Lord. They want to enslave every one of us, maybe execute us. They think it’s a favor to do either!” Rand doesn’t like it either but (because of the Aelfinn’s words) he doesn’t believe he has a choice.

39. Rand manages to get out of Nynaeve what’s happened with Lan (that she took him to Saldaea to ride across the Borderlands to face the Blight). It’s so... baffling that he needed to work to get it out of her. Why does Nynaeve resist so strongly telling Rand literally any information at all, no matter how helpful or relevant it might be? She DOES tell him about Lan when he pushes her, at least, which might not have happened if Jordan were still writing, lol. Wow, did he ever hate people sharing information with Rand.

Things Nynaeve Never Told Rand:

I guess that she and Elayne are the ones who changed the weather (on Egwene’s orders/permission)

That Mat was left behind in Ebou Dar when the Seanchan invaded

That the sul’dam are channeling learners, with damane being sparkers (Min could also tell him this, if she ever felt like being helpful and telling him something he doesn’t already know)

Literally ALL things relevant to his ability to make plans! What it feels like (from Winter’s Heart through Knife of Dreams) is that Jordan wanted Nynaeve in Rand’s storyline but absolutely didn’t want Rand to have any knowledge from Egwene’s section of the plotline (to make it easier for them to have a big misunderstanding once the White Tower is whole, I can only assume, and also to make it harder for Rand to wage any battles against the Seanchan) so Jordan just... had Nynaeve straight-up keep major secrets from Rand for no reason.

And that’s likely also why Elayne only got one night with Rand before he bounced, and possibly (if there were notes about Aviendha and Rand not interacting in Arad Doman) why Aviendha avoids Rand. Because Jordan very much always had Rand starved for information, so that he could make mistakes based on not having enough information. This also might be part of why Mat was slow-walked across Altara in CoT & KoD -- because Jordan didn’t want any of his plot-relevant information to make it into Rand’s hands.

40. This conversation here, with Rand musing that Lan’s death at the Blight could serve him overall in the Last Battle, does a good job showing him as having become ruthless. Because, sure, not necessarily wrong tactically-speaking but, as a voice inside him also whispers, what a terrible way to treat a friend.

41. It grates on Rand what a fragile position he may end up leaving the world after the Last Battle -- even with a hopeful peace with the Seanchan and food for Arad Doman, things would remain very uncertain here. He wants to do what he can to buffer the world from another Breaking. But there are too many problems and only one him (another reason that it’s so baffling that Jordan had him spend a month chilling and waiting on the Seanchan to reply to his messages, post-cleansing. There is SO MUCH for him to do. Honestly, it’s such a relief to see Rand actually Doing Things again, let me tell you). But that is the reason that he wants to find the Council of Merchants to appoint a king here rather than doing it himself -- because his authority will die when he dies. Rand is again, very aware here of the Seanchan as a potential threat, assuming that they would immediately move in to scoop up Arad Doman if it were left vulnerable post-Last Battle, even if a peace were theoretically in place. I’m keeping an eye out to see if this belief ever changes.

42. Okay, part of this conversation between Nynaeve and Rand is very good, but her throwing “do you even know where Mat is?” in his face when she... purposefully kept Mat’s location a secret from him is... just a baffling addition. But I like how it shows us that despite Rand THINKING about how he is hardened and cold, he is actually clearly a simmering volcano of potential violence at this point, because it doesn’t take much for him to start yelling at Nynaeve and threatening to exile her as he exiled Cadsuane. Rand’s perception of himself doesn’t match his behavior.

43. Rand & Egwene both time-jumped a month into the future in their narration but Perrin & Mat haven’t, so we get hints into Perrin and Mat’s future plotlines here in Rand’s rainbow ta’veren vision, seeing Perrin talking with Galad (dressed as a Whitecloak) and Mat riding into Caemlyn with Thom (I guess that explains why Mat is still slow-crawling across Altara while slaver girl is already in Ebou Dar -- Tuon joined the time-skip with Rand & Egwene). “They both needed to be with him for the Last Battle.” STABBING the narrative with shearing scissors. I do wonder if this conversation with Nynaeve would have gone differently if it were in private? Rand explicitly has thought in the past about how he needs to pretend that the Two Rivers and everyone from the Two Rivers are unimportant to him, and they are in front of Domani nobles right now. I don’t imagine he wants them (any of whom could be Darkfriends) to think that he cares at all about Mat, Perrin, or the Two Rivers. That being said, Rand’s passively suicidal streak is also becoming worryingly active, and his temper is on a very short leash.

44. Nynaeve does Investigative Work and uncovers the actual person who killed the messenger from “the king” (actually Graendal), capturing him and bringing him to Rand. Rand was in bed with Min before Nynaeve woke them up. You know, the person that he almost killed with his own hands only a handful of nights ago. But it’s okay! If he kills her by accident, he’ll just add her to the list (again). No big deal! And that Min apparently has ZERO trauma from being STRANGLED by the man that she loves/maybe trusts is another big illustration of her being a plot device and not a character. The plushie that you need to cuddle to get to sleep isn’t allowed to have nightmares of her own. She still has BRUISES on her neck from when Rand NEARLY KILLED her and she has absolutely zero issue sharing a bed with him? Min is immune to trauma! How lucky! Min silently follows him into the room in a thin robe, to be a Sexy Set Decoration.

45. lol, Min is in this entire scene and doesn’t say a word the whole time. She’s literally just there for decorative purposes. I mean, I laugh about it because it’s so frustrating (their entire relationship) but... their relationship really does add so little to the story. And it’s frustrating Because I think there actually could have been something interesting in the Seer and Prophecy Child interacting, but because it’s A Romance, it’s watered down to the point of absurdity.

46. The other sad thing about Rand and Min’s ‘relationship’ is how it can distract from the actual point of the scene -- it’s heartbreaking how much Rand is completely treating Nynaeve like an outsider at this point! Yet it’s undercut by Min Sexy Lamping all over the scene. Every so often, Nynaeve has to note how Min is silently moving to a new pose, lol. Min has NOTHING TO DO HERE and simply should not have been in the scene. This scene, which is fairly tragic and intense otherwise, does not need Sexy Set Decoration, any more than we needed Min sexily swaying her way across a battlefield of corpses in Knife of Dreams.

47. Min falls asleep and thus achieves her final form: she is now LITERALLY a burden that Rand hauls around, leaving him less able to protect himself, instead of just being that metaphorically. Narrative poetry. I can’t believe she was literally in that scene just to be a pretty piece of set decoration, lol wow.

48. Anyway, Nynaeve Heals Graendal’s Compulsion on the assassin’s mind, but the Compulsion was layered so deeply and so thoroughly in his mind that there’s nothing really left anymore after all the Compulsion is gone. Nynaeve notes how Rand speaks of how he has seen this dozens of times, and she wonders if Lews Therin is the one dominating Rand’s mind right now, and how much she’s actually dealing with Rand. Though there is little of the person still left, Rand is able to get a location out of him -- Natrin’s Barrow.

49. During her conversation with Rand, Nynaeve realizes that he has completely extinguished any ounce of hope for himself or any future for himself. In order to make it to the Last Battle, Rand’s decided he can’t afford to hold anything back, that he has to use himself up to the last drop (oh that is Frodo in Mordor vibes). Now, how much of that is Lews Therin’s death wish bleeding through? How much of that is the crushing trauma after trauma that Rand has suffered? It’s a painful conversation to listen to (and, again, mildly undercut by Min the Sexy Set Dressing, lol -- but that makes me... hmm. Rand has essentially written both himself AND MIN off as dead, it seems, as Min is now officially on his list of Dead Ladies alongside Ilyena. Aviendha and Elayne (and Nynaeve, as he mentions here, as being allowed to still dream of the future when Rand cannot), he has not written off as dead, and so he accepts separation from them as part of that -- they are the living and he, and Min, are the dead. huh. I am going to consider that angle as a potential way to explain Rand’s otherwise very out-of-character behavior around Min. This is a very new idea for me, but I’ll poke at it and see what I think. Is it possible that Rand as been thinking of Min as his living dead girl for longer than just the Event with Semirhage?).

Side note: talking about how Rand appears to have written Min off as already dead actually reminds me of something in Origins that I disagreed with! The author of that book noted that one of Tuon’s names is associated with death & Persephone (Kore being another name for Persephone) and had basically a surface-level read of “well, Mat kidnaps her and takes her to a ‘hell’ (tavern)” so that’s the reference related to the name and... imo MAT is actually a much better version of Persephone in this story. A core part of the Persephone story is about being torn between two worlds -- the living world and the underworld -- Mat is tricked into his marriage vows (he has no reason to believe that merely stating his future prophecy will lock him into it) like Persephone ate the pomegranate seeds without knowing what it meant for her future, trapping him halfway into the Seanchan culture, just as Persephone is trapped. Mat is the character who stands between two worlds who comes from one of the worlds and marries into the second, not Tuon, who is firmly the RULER of the world that she exists in (like Hades is the ruler of hell). And the arrival of the Seanchan in Ebou Dar, when Mat is first ‘trapped’ away from his other friends (the living world), also coincides with the ‘change in seasons’ because that’s when the Bowl was used by Elayne and Nynaeve -- Mat’s ‘kidnapping’ via the Ebou Dar invasion literally heralds the coming of winter. MAT is Persephone. Not Tuon.

Now, if Tuon had actually undergone character growth in CoT & KoD, then she COULD have (also) been Persephone. That would have been a much more interesting story imo, if both Tuon and Mat were bridging two worlds through marriage and felt torn between the new world that their spouse had introduced to them and the old one that they'd been born into. But it's clearly only Mat who is standing in two worlds, not Tuon. She firmly has both her feet in Seanchan territory.

#wot reread #the gathering storm #wot #wheel of time #the wheel of time #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #aviendha #mat cauthon #rand al'thor

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